#{ these are subject to change && i would love to discuss kira and stuff with more people especially other kiras... looks longingly }

[fatedkings]

i want to preface these thoughts by saying: by no way shape and form will i ever force my headcanons on my roleplay partner of the other character i have the headcanon with. These are just my thoughts and nor do I view muns of villains in a negative light, we all love characters just different types. it does not mean they, the muns, are bad people.

my  ( undead )  izuru headcanons involve Gin/Aizen of course, whom both i love dearly with all my heart, and several other characters like Hisagi, Momo, Renji, and Matsumoto.  I will have a read more,   gore warning etc.  as this WILL get lengthy  ( going in depth about izuru’s state of consciousness leading up to,   the possible backlash,    etc. )

basically tl;dr    izuru kira becomes the epitome of despair.

After a blast in the chest from Bazz-B, obliterating his abdomen tossing his arm aside, Izuru barely “alive” is taken to Mayuri Kurotsuchi to be healed. Held together by a string of will to live, heavy poles, and enhanced by the reiatsu of Izuru’s fallen seated officers now standing at a captain’s level ( as stated by Shaz Domino in their battle in “Beginning of the revive of Tomorrow”. )

much of him ponders his existence:   how he is carrying the souls of the seated officers he was unable to protect, only to continue to fight for his pride as a gotei 13 member.   This mindset  has been the same since Gin Ichimaru left the gotei 13 with aizen in a beam of light, leaving Kira’s trust irreparable. his personality has always revolved around his comrades, his captain, the gotei 13  ( as many shinigami were indoctrinated to unquestioningly  [ i.e. he made momo bow before byakuya even though it was wrong to just allow  renji to be jailed horribly injured as he was. ]  believe to follow the rules and motions at the time making aizens plan easier, izuru is just another sleeper in the system. )

this could be stated as a young shinigami he was impressionable, Aizen “I plan everything to a T” Sosuke stated how he chose Hinamori specifically for being his lieutenant so that he may manipulate her like a puppet for the events of the soul society arc.   (  which arguably pitted them against one another and ruined their [ hinamori and izuru’s ] relationship in my opinion  )    i highly suspect that Izuru was ALSO chosen through the same process that Hinamori was picked so that there were no flaws in this plan, as Gin was in with Aizen one hundred years prior.

now, I am not saying that Gin did not CARE for Izuru personally, I am saying that Gin had a mission and that was to kill aizen by any means necessary even if it meant getting others hurt. Gin played along with Aizen’s game, the manipulation, i even think he cared for Izuru to an extent before the end of their time together, but again he had a mission he had to accomplish. What I have always loved about BLEACH is how morally grey the characters are, and Gin alongside Tosen is a great example of these archtypes. Gin wanted to kill Aizen and return the shard of the Soul King back to Rangiku, what he sold his life away to for the person he loved most.

We know Izuru as a child was more free, chipper to tease and speculate over his and Hisagi’s strength only question what happened to make Kira such a gloomy person. Perhaps it is the exposure to being a soul reaper, but the drastic changes in his personality make me question what made Izuru the person we know now?    it’s only later on in my current re-reading of BLEACH in Izuru’s cell scene did i get the full extent of how uncomfortable it truly was at least for me.    A dilapitated cell,     scratched up,     broken chair,      blood splatter aross the floor, Izuru in a sling self loathing:

Hinamori’s cell was not the same state being absolutely pristine, almost the same for Renji except more concrete than wooden. Kira put the loyalty to his Captain over the loyalty to his friend when it came down to the tension over Sosuke Aizen’s “death”  self loathing over what he had done.  All of this Damage had been done by himself, restrained for his own safety, conflicted over his own emotions:

Izuru was lead to rely and be loyal to Gin ( if not I think part of Kira on the inside was also TERRIFIED of Gin ),  leading to Izuru diverting Matsumoto after the central 46 slaughter although he tells Nayura from “Beginning of the Revive of Tomorrow” Gin did not tell him to fight Matsumoto the opposite is implied in the manga as well as matsumoto’s suspicions of some sort of manipulation  (  rangiku and izuru make up tho and drink so its gucci ) with a q&a of Kira’s after the soul society rebellion sounding lost, stating how he did not want ‘liars’ in his company. However, Hinamori’s q&a had a desire for life and to move on from the tragic events unlike Izuru’s prompt.

Rose might be attached to Izuru, however, Izuru does not want to latch on to Rose and for something unmistakable to happen (  unable to trust, similar to the captain amagai arc in the anime except with one personality of strenuous trepidation and the other willing.  )

It’s always been his mindset to put the Gotei 13 before his friends ( who he loves very much, he worried about rangiku more than himself even though he was a human squirting ketchup bottle ),   he does not have any living family, nor does he seem to have any lingering positive feelings to himself   as now Kira needs to PROVE his worth. Later on in turn back the pendelum with Kisuke and Hiyori visiting maggots nest mentioning how there is no one who intentionally leaves the Gotei 13, implying that in the Gotei 13 you either die as a shinigami or are imprisoned for life.  Unquestioning loyalty is the unhealthy norm among all of them, even if it may seem endearing at times for the Division eleven members, etc.

[Undead] Izuru is just what he says: a ‘different Izuru’. 

although it may be known that the hole in his chest exists, the extent that the mental state has deteriorated would be unknown to most of the people in his life. Just because of the change brought on by Ichigo and his friends does not mean that Soul society has truly made progress, many of the soul reapers linger on the old ways rather than moving forward. Shinigami are still very much sheep apart of the herd and without Kira voicing his concern about the state of being Izuru is in none would be the wiser or know about the souls essentially stapled against his own. Everyone would be complacent, silent... as possibly KIra could decend into a numb void pit similar to a Gillian.

How? Only Arrancar have been stated similar to Shinigami, but the backlash to having the souls pegged onto the motherboard would create some TYPE of hazard for Izuru in the future that would jeapordize his state of being. Here i propose this theory: Gillians are made of hollows intertwined with one another, although, most do not have any sense of individuality because of this make up,

1.)   izuru would eventually lose his sense of object permanence, individuality, perpetually putting his comrades in danger by his own presence that could lead to the harm or slaughter of shinigami and the people he once loved.

2.)   if the process of losing spiritual pressure is painful  ( i.e. how ichigo reacted in the manga when he passed out after mugetsu ) perhaps the same can be said for those who rapidly gain spiritual pressure/reiatsu over a short period of time.

(  in brave souls during his attacks he sounds like hes groaning or in pain.  )

3.)   interacting with izuru is a lot like pulling teeth,  to yank and  tear,   like the moon as a waning crescent his mentality is filled with the dysphoric aftermath.  Unable to turn a new page,   even with the war over,   izuru has not sought help for the gaping cavern that lays in his chest nor does he seem to want to...

(  izuru seems to be content with living alongside his companions day to day as if the days were the same before the TYBW   [ in rukia’s and renji’s getting-married novel he still has the hole because yoruichi tries to unclothe him to look at it ].     Unless kira himself comes to the conclusion that he has regained some sort of status within the gotei 13,     as lieutenant within division three there will be no redemption or acceptance to fill that gap.     it will be there haunting him,      a wound undisclosed with all expected to walk parallel never questioning  his state of being, he is detached from the world around him,  isolating himself for various reasons.    )

4.)    the arm that was blown off is mostly repaired as synthetic, izuru holds his arms and body irregularly    (  i.e.   how attacks with one arm only,    one shoulder is lifted higher than the other.  ) and can be ejected off with enough force if applied.

5.)    SPECULATION**//         his will to fight/kill might be affected,   as we have seen through ichigo,   is what drives a shinigami to gain power in their zanpakuto is their kill intent resolve.     He states that he is only fighting for his pride to gain his status back in the gotei 13, though he protected others, it was to a means to an end.   However,    his former resolve in battle was to the point of no doubt so it would vary by situation   (  i.e. “ can i protect this place?   we will see... “  )

6.)    no one knows about the souls basically stapled to Izuru’s body.     most likely people understand he had grown stronger without a bankai but not HOW.  The only people who know are Mayuri, Nemu ( who is dead), possibly Akon, and very few of those in the twelfth division but those would be sworn to silence.

7.)    a type of imposter syndrome.   believing that he is not the real izuru, since he did indeed die, combined with several different souls who could he be?   it’s why he becomes irrationally agitated when the events of TYBW or the hole inside his body is brought up, why has he not closed it?  truly he is frightened of what the answer might be and only clams up more aka linked back to #3

the reason i call him the epitome of despair is that he always had good intentions, he loves his friends endlessly, he serves his company with loyalty that would be expected of a perfect soldier, but he never had a chance from the start that he entered the academy.

he might have been able to save one girl inside of the central 46 that would go on to do big changes alongside the captain commander and nanao, but for Izuru already so much had been lost at one time significance had no meaning. his life had no meaning, all his faith in the system had been proven to be meaningless as corrupt, most of all he could not protect his comrades that were compounded to his body : how could he continue to be a shinigami in the gotei thirteen, a lieutenant no less? how could he protect others?

i don’t want to stereotype him as the “”””emo””””” type as he, at the core, is far from it even with and despite how gloomy Izuru reacts. He is, for the most part, a grounded level headed individual who is self disciplined, decisive even when it comes to battle that separates him from the rest of the lieutenants  ( he has a usual indecisiveness, but it can be worked to his advantage in some situations. )

Loyal,  soft spoken,  the friend you would WANT to have,  Izuru can still express emotion as the sheer panic and fright he had when yoruichi tried to disrobe him just to look at his hole was genuine enough. hell he even ran division three for a short time by himself, i think that is something to be recognized.

it’s not that he does not believe as the head of central 46 thinks, but that his reasoning for who he was wanes his existence. all of it is jarring, there would have to be some kind of backlash.

it would be easy to say ‘get orihime to heal him’ and ‘get it over with’ but orihime struggled to heal ichigo through ulquiorra’s cero that shot through his chest the first time because of the strong reiatsu that lingered. Bazz-B is a thousand year old quincy,  in comparison the effort would most likely exhaust orihime before she even finishes because of the residual energy that imprinted. Knowing how orihime’s powers work it relies on her mental fortitude, she is human and not indespensible, Kira sees this as a burden on the ryoka and would not ask this of them after all that Ichigo and his friends have done for them.

degradation was not personality/character improvement rather the focus of the marigold on his character was specific, and I am sure there would have been more if Kubo was not rushed by deadlines and illness. I feel like im repeating points by now so i think hopefully everyone gets the picture of what I mean, if anyone has any questions let me know!

[thebibliomancer]

Tides of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 20

Tides of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because dang the All-Maudra died. Gotta see what happens next.

Last times on book: Amri and co are on a quest to unite all the Gelfling clans against the Skeksis. They’ve managed with the Sifa by convincing Maudra Ethri to look at some cool flames. They’ve managed with the Dousan by restoring a cool, giant tree. But now they’ve received word that that the All-Maudra has died.

Chapter 20

Team Naia travels to Ha’rar... no, that can’t be right.

Amri felt like he must have misheard. Erimon passed the parchment to Kylan, who read it again. Amri didn’t need to read it. He didn’t want to. It wouldn’t explain how or why or who had done it. Just that it had happened. He reached up to see if Tavra was still on his shoulder. She was where she’d been since they’d leaped into the lake, but she said nothing.

Oof. I hadn’t thought of that but poor Tavra.

Her mom died and she never got a chance to go ‘yo i’m alive but a spider but and also you can’t stop me from dating Onica now because we can’t have lesbian babies like this.’

Amri wonders if the All-Maudra was killed by the Skeksis because she vowed to resist the Skeksis but that sets Kylan off. Also, Kylan shows he’s upset by crossing his arms and twisting his ears back. Like a cat?

But Kylan points out that All-Maudra Mayrin said she was lighting the fire of resistance but nothing happened like what happened with the Sifa and the Dousan where actual rainbow flames burned the story of uniting the Gelfling into something nearby.

“You think she didn’t light the fire after all?” Naia asked.

“Maybe she thought she had,” Onica said solemnly. “Maybe she died trying.”

They had no proof except the feeling in their hearts. Amri didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t deny it either: The Vapra fire had never been lit.

But if the fires HADN’T been lit for the Vapra and the All-Maudra was no longer leading them with some lip service about resisting. Then it means there was only one path for Team Naia to take in the seven chapters still left in this book.

They were going to Ha’rar after all.

MY GOD.

I never thought this day would come.

I mean, something is going to sidetrack them, right??

Because the side characters are making sure that nothing gets in their way.

Erimon lends them his Crystal Skimmer Tappa because she’s the fastest in his xeric and even asks Periss to drive it.

Ha, I knew Periss was joining the party.

Erimon has to stay and help organize the resistance with the other sandmasters once they arrive since Maudra Seethi is on her way to Ha’rar.

WHERE I CAN’T BELIEVE THE TEAM IS ACTUALLY GOING. Its been nearly three books of not going to Ha’rar! J.M. Lee, you’re blowing my mind!

“Now that the storm has broken, the xerics will continue to arrive. I will tell them the song of what has happened here. And when the time comes, we will heed the signal of the flames. We will join the fight against the Skeksis.”

“We still don’t know what that signal will be,” Naia said.

Erimon bowed. “We can never fully predict what form a sign will take. We only know it when we see it, or hear it, or sense it some other way. But I have faith in Thra, and in you. I will se to it the Dousan do not forsake the gifts we have been given. Not as we have in the past, nor ever again.”

You’ve really learned a thing, Erimon.

Erimon says that he thinks Periss can get them to Ha’rar in a day and so and apparently without a storm and without all the supplies, Tappa nyooms.

On the Skimmer trip, the team continues to discuss the All-Maudra’s death. Tavra finally pipes up to suggest that Mayrin failed to light the fires of resistance because the Skeksis found her out. But that there’s no point in speculating.

Because she’s finally getting what she’s wanted all along, to go to Ha’rar but in the way she’d least want it.

Be careful what you wish for?

“We must go to Ha’rar and reach someone who can tell us what happened. No more Far-Dreams or riddles from Thra. I want answers.”

“How are you taking this?” Amri asked. Tried to keep it soft, to let her know he was asking her feelings and not her political opinion. She was hesitant in answering.

“I am worried for my sisters. I am worried for my people.”

Amri tells her that Seladon will take care of Brea to reassure her and if Seladon’s arc is similar to the show then, -laughs in irony-.

Tavra was quiet a long time, unmoving. She curled one leg in.

“I don’t know that she will,” she said. “that is my greatest fear. My mother put her duties first and her daughters second. It was difficult to find ways to earn her love. Because of our station. But we tried. For me, that meant becoming a soldier. For Brea, becoming a scholar. For Seladon, it meant becoming All-Maudra one day... but the pressure was often too much. She is not ready, and I fear the Skeksis know that.”

“You should be All-Maudra,” Naia said suddenly.

Hah. Naia doesn’t even know Seladon and she’s like ‘wow she probably sucks and you’d be better.’ Poor Seladon.

The idea brought a strange fantasy to life. Tavra, in her Gelfing body. Sword in hand, drapedi n the silver cloaks with the living crown on her brow. She had traveled farther than any of them, knew more of the state of the world. Knew the Skeksis all by name, knew how the All-Maudra was expected to behave. Had the respect of her clan as a Vapra princess, but knew firsthand the hardships that had befallen the Gelfling who were so unlucky to find themselves in the Skeksis’ crushing grasp.

If there was ever a leader the Gelfling could look to, Amri realized, it was Tavra. Tavra, who was locked in the body of a spider, whose voice could barely be heard even by those who knew enough to listen.

“That is impossible,” Tavra said. She slipped below the rail and disappeared into Kylan’s traveling pack.

Relatable.

As evening falls they get closer to the snowlands and Periss tells them he’ll have to leave them at the frost line because Tappa is a DESERT CREATURE.

Nooooo Periss, you’re supposed to be the sixth ranger! You can’t leave your new best pals!

He also calls Naia Amri’s girlfriend and he does do the “she’s not my girlfriend” thing but less vehement and more embarrassed.

“Have you dreamfasted together?”

Amri’s ears went flat at the forward question. Of course he’d dreamfasted with Naia, but only to share memories that they’d needed to share, so the truth of the Skeksis and the message they carried would not be forgotten. But there were other memories, ones more secret and intimate. Private hopes and fears. Memories he had all to himself, beautiful things he’d seen when he’d been alone. Dreams he’d had, and nightmares.

Amri had always hoped one day to find someone to share those memories with. Someone he trusted enough and who trusted him to truly dreamfast. To share everything. It had never occurred to him that someone might be Naia. Until now, and only thanks to a wily Dousan thief. Periss grinned ear to ear, as if making Amri blush from embarrassment was his new favorite game.

“No. Not that way,” he mumbled.

“Do you want to?” Periss asked.

“I want to change the subject.”

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Excuse me I need to take a moment.

a moment

You’re adorable, Amri.

Also, based on this, Jen and Kira basically got engaged the first time they met. Just went full info dump on each other. ‘HEY I GUESS THATS ME AS A BABY’ because they never learned to not overshare in dreamfasting and because nobody ever taught Jen about sex.

Also also, this fits well with what we learn in the first book about how its a sign of maturity for Gelfchildren to learn how to not broadcast their entire lifestory the instant someone touches them.

I continue to love the nuances we get about dreamfasting.

After sleeping and starting another day of travel, Amri spends some time practicing sword because he’s changed his tune on that.

Amri practiced his sword stances, parries and thrusts. Imagined striking down Skeksis after Skeksis as he charged into a citadel swarming with darkened beasts. It felt heroic in his mind, that part -- the charge, the thought that he could single-handedly defeat the monsters that might have taken the shining city -- but in the end, even in his fantasies, when they finally reached the throne, the All-Maudra was already dead.

Aw.

Although the first part of this wild fantasy sounds like Amri should have been scenario writing for the Age of Resistance trpg.

But its more about his understanding that even if he becomes a cool, heroic swashbuckling figure with like two whole days of sword practice under his belt and even if they win, that victory will always carry with it the tragedies the Skeksis inflicted on the way. Mira, Mayrin, other Gelfing whose names don’t start with M’s.

They reach the frost line and dangit Periss actually leaves! Just because you’re the sixth ranger you think you can come and go to save the budget??

Although, in a nice bit of growth, he gives the team all the jewelry he stole from the Sifa. Nice, they can give Tae her stuff back if they see her.

Going the rest of the way on foot, Team Naia actually reaches Ha’rar. I’m frankly shocked.

Like the crystals in a broken geode, the city of Ha’rar glittered in the protective shell of the mountains, covered in snow and glowing with moon- and starlight. At the far edge of the city, a majestic building stood with its back to the wide Silver Sea. It looked like an icicle, or one of the many crystal stalagmites in Domrak and the Caves of Grot. Every elaborately sculpted feature refracted the light of the moons and the Waystar, sending night rainbows across the city.

It was beautiful, but eerily silent and ominously dark.

Hmmmm.

None of the lanterns are lit and none of the people are out and about on the streets. Spooky.

Tavra tells them that they absolutely must not be caught by the Skeksis. And then with her hometown knowledge guides them along back paths and side roads.

They have to duck out of view at one point when two Skeksis come down the street.

Skeksis. Two of them, passing by on the street just in front of them. One wore broad-shouldered, black-scaled armor, covering his spiny back like the carapace of an armalig. Gray hair -- or was it fur? grew across his blunt forehead and cheeks, casting a hazy shadow upon his scowling lips and piercing yellow eyes. The other stood straighter in his crimson and black robes, armored and adorned in shining gold chains. He seemed taller yet, thanks to the fleshy spike that protruded from the top of his head like a horn.

“skekUng and skekZok,” Tavra whispered. “The General and the Ritual Master.”

I wonder if skekVar exists in this continuity.

skekUng is the General so Var doesn’t have a lot to be doing.

Also, FLESHY SPIKE? ZOK ARE YOU OKAY?

-google image-

He does have a gold hat thing but in one of the comics he just has a tall head spike so I DUNNO. I’m a little alarmed of him now.

Anyway, skekUng being here is bad because they all remember skekLi gloating that skekUng was making something bad.

Being possessed of ‘only the most relevant conversational snippets’ senses, skekUng complains “This is a waste of time. I say we kill the princess as we killed her mother and let the Vapra bow directly to us. As they should.”

Which confirms that the Skeksis killed the All-Maudra.

AND THEN before they can process that, Amri is grabbed by a hooded Gelfling.

“He’s possessed by a spider,” hissed a female voice, familiar in Amri’s ear. “On his shoulder -- quick, grab it and crush it!”

Onica stops the hooded Gelfling, who turns out to be Tae. Hi Tae!

Tae isn’t convinced because apparently the body-jacking spiders are a known and concerning concern at this point.

Amri tells Tavra that its time to reveal herself to Tae.

Tavra let out a tired sigh.

“Tae, it’s me. Katavra.”

Love that tired sigh. Spiders can’t even sigh. That’s just how tired Tavra is.

Tae wants to know HOW and possibly several repeated incredulous WHATs but Amri points out that its not a great idea to get into that in the middle of a sneaking mission. So Tae leads them off somewhere they can talk.

Geez only six chapters left. And we’ve got Ha’rar, a dead All-Maudra, Tae’s back. Periss took off... dangit did Periss take off because of a party limit? Tae is now the sixth party member?

[kaesaaurelia]

balder12 replied to your post

“me, watching DS9 when I was 13-14: I like Kira, she’s angry and tired...”

Kira somehow manages to make all her casual space elf looks seem hot. You didn’t say much about the s1 finale so I have to ask - any thoughts on Vedek Winn?

Honestly the finale was kind of rough going for me?  Like, not as much as the labor camp filing clerk one (which hit way too close to home in a few ways, not least of which is that growing up, I had a neighbor who grew up in a Nazi labor camp and man I was so fucking pissed at the character who helped run the Cardassian labor camp) but there was a lot going on and I was having trouble saying anything, really?

Anyway this got long; sort of a ramble under the cut about religion and politics and metaphors.

Basically they brought up so many real life issues in that episode (offhand I can name evolution vs. creationism in schools, school segregation, a whole lot of different aspects of colonialism, orthodox vs reform religious teachings, and terrorism) and through it all -- well, obviously I wasn’t supposed to like Vedek Winn but I could not separate my distaste for her from my actual very squidgy embarrassed awful feelings in real life when people I want to be on good terms with assume I’m Christian, and then I have to decide whether to say I’m not and what kind of a conversation about Judaism and Jewishness I’m comfortable with, and then I run the risk of them trying to convert me; even if not, they might still try and fit me into the idea they have of Judaism as Diet Christianity, Now With Less Jesus.  (And the thing is, these people are almost always much better-intentioned than Vedek Winn, and they’re never extremists or anything.  They just want to get along with me, and they just want to think that I’m a good person, and that’s what they think good people are.  But they still make me very uncomfortable and they’ll never realize it.)

On the other hand I wonder a little bit if people who don’t have those feelings normally experienced them while watching that episode?  I kind of hope so, but also I feel like a lot of people who are culturally Christian and relatively socially liberal will be reading the Bajoran religion primarily as a stand-in for Islam in that episode, and secondarily as a stand-in for (specifically) Creationism and other aspects of fundamentalist Christianity.  (To be VERY CLEAR, I don’t want to equate this fictional alien sci fi religion with any real religions, I’m just thinking about how people might have interpreted it.)  They’re in a place where they can say, “what a strange backwards planet, glad I don’t live there, they remind me of this group I don’t understand at all, hopefully Sisko can show them the error of their ways by the end.”

And I feel more like, “Wow, this is where I have always lived, surrounded by people who can’t imagine I don’t share their culture and philosophy,” and then I have to ask, but wait, why are the Federation officers so surprised, why do they argue and get mad?  Can’t they just say “yeah, sure, the prophets, actually that’s not my thing but it’s totally okay if it’s yours but just, it’s not mine, I must have missed the prophets memo, ha ha, that’s on me, I really don’t want confrontation here, anyway, gosh, lovely weather on the promenade today, hope we don’t get rain, how ‘bout them holographic baseball teams.”  Because that’s what I do!  (Man, you don’t even know how many awkward conversations I’ve had about the Cubs trying to avoid making someone feel bad about my lack of their religion.  I don’t even like the Cubs.)

And then I realize, well, of course that’s what I do, I’m not part of a massive, well-armed empire that’s trying to absorb the people who talk to me like this into my culture.  They’re the ones trying to absorb my culture, in fact.  

And then Sisko makes his big rousing speech that assumes that, really, deep down, everyone kind of wants to be like the Federation, that the Federation being good is self-evident, and I’m like, “oh no, they ALSO can’t imagine people don’t think like them!  That is going to alienate the Bajorans as much as Vedek Winn is alienating the O’Briens and Sisko, and it’s all going to be a big mess, you can really only have one group of smug everyone’s-like-me-deep-down-assumers or it all breaks down because no one knows when to change the subject and talk about the space weather.”  And then it was fine?  I don’t know.  It was off-putting.

(I realize “it was fine” is a funny way to say “there was an explosion and an assassination attempt but fortunately no one died.”  In the end O’Brien was betrayed by a non-regular and Kira was sad but like, none of the main cast’s relationship was really in peril in the end, so... it was fine.)

I think also I was a bit taken aback that Kira identified so much with Vedek Winn’s interpretation and cause initially?  I think that would sit better with me if I understood more about Winn’s ideas than “wormhole science bad, it’s a celestial temple.”  Like, is there some kind of philosophy Winn puts forward that Kira found a lot of strength in?  Did she write beautiful religious poetry?  Was she willing to stand up to the Cardassians when most of Bajor’s religious leaders capitulated too easily for Kira’s taste?  I don’t know!  We don’t get any discussion of that, she’s just Misguided for siding with Winn, and then she changes her mind because she has eyes and Winn is obviously evil.

Also, actually, on a worldbuilding note I’m very skeptical about the sheer... organizedness and unity of Bajor’s religion.  You can’t tell me there wouldn’t be sects and splinter groups and a rival religion that decries the orbs and the so-called Prophets as some sort of evil force, and at least a few religions that don’t have orbs in them at all, and well-known temples with orbs that turned out to be like, quartz with LEDs and part of the very important temple ritual experience is eating shrooms so you still have weird hallucinations.

Anyway, back to Vedek Winn.  In the end, she was awful and I didn’t like her and I’m sure she’ll be back to be an asshole but, yeah, it was hard for me to parse my reaction to S1 as a separate thing from my own feelings about religion and politics, and it’s difficult to talk about some of that stuff for me anyway.  I have a lot of feelings and I’m not good at them.  I don’t really know if any of this was coherent but you did ask.

[13eyond13]

manga vs anime stuff

As much as I love the DN anime, sometimes I think it makes people who prefer to go by the manga source instead for their main ideas of the story seem like they’re just being really cynical or trying to ruin other people’s fun, or making the Death Note characters out to be much worse people than they actually are. 

I’m definitely not a fan of making edgy takes about things just to spoil people’s fun, and I agree that would be pretty obnoxious and lame to do in a fandom space. But I do think that the anime turned quite a few of the sarcastic interactions in the manga between characters sincere, and it did add and remove little things that altered the characters and their relationships to each other (and it gets even more complicated depending on which anime dub you watched, because the voice acting can change interpretations of this stuff a lot too). And since a lot of people found Death Note through the anime first (including myself), this can lead to a bit of confusion sometimes when discussing characters and their personalities and their flaws and their motives. Moments like the “you’re my first ever friend” interaction between L and Light were very differently framed between the two sources, for example. In the manga it’s clearly more of an ironic joke or a secret “you’re really good at this and I salute you as a worthy opponent” handshake between them. In the anime L and Light seem to be having an awkward moment about genuine friendship wishes between themselves, and it makes L come off a bit naive and doubtful instead of sly and knowing. 

I think the anime had good intentions when making things a little more human sometimes, but in certain ways I think it also missed the point and became a little more tone-deaf by making these interactions between the characters more sincere. They are still doing pretty horrible things to each other and other people most of the time in the anime, after all, and the whole initial premise was that this is a big high-stakes game between a handful of egotistical people that’s causing a lot of mayhem for both kind-hearted and cruel people around the world alike. And the anime also made it seem like the whole Kira saga was about L and Light’s relationship and L getting vengeance instead of the entire cast of characters’ journeys, and this easily adds confusion regarding if L is actually meant to be viewed as the “hero” or not. Of course we can all view the story and the characters however we want, and I do love some of the sweeter and more tender moments the anime added between the grueling plot events and extremely unsentimental and depressing parts. But I would honestly say that the manga strikes a more appropriate dark and ironic tone for the subject matter. And the manga also has other lovely little bits of humour and kindness and vulnerability between the cast that were taken out of the anime altogether, such as Near’s more personable interactions with his staff. And most of those little moments make more logistical and emotional sense than some of the other sweeter actions the anime added in, too.

Anyway, I think I felt the need to make this post just because sometimes I feel like I’m just coming off like a bitter old jerk by saying that I don’t think a character is a very nice or well-intentioned person. I’m always just trying to talk about them honestly as they came off to me in the original source, which I think has the best and most complex portrayal of the cast and themes and events and strikes the best tone. The great thing about these characters is that they’re all pretty complicated and flawed and very interesting and easy to get attached to despite these unlikable and unsympathetic aspects of them. So I just want to make it clear that: (1) I’m really not a big cynical jerk who wants to spoil anyone’s fun or ruin their ideas of their faves, I promise! And (2) I am almost always going by the manga for everything, so if you ask me for an opinion or meta or hc or something and you haven’t read it yet it might not line up with your idea of the character as they were shown in the anime or something like that.

If anyone wants my opinion on the anime instead of the manga version of events or about the differences between the two, please let me know and I will go by that instead. But otherwise I’m going to be going almost entirely by the manga for most asks from now on.

That’s all!

[arashi-no-megami]

Post Finale Tyrus Fic!! 😌

Cyrus walked into The Spoon and sat down at a booth near the door. He checked his watch. 11:02 AM. He was supposed to meet up with Buffy, Andi and Jonah at 12 to discuss what happened at Andi’s party last night. Cyrus had intentionally gotten there an hour early, so he could carefully plan what he was going to say. He was so excited to let his best friends know that he and TJ finally started dating.

He couldn’t wait to tell them how TJ was the one who made the first move, and how amazing it felt to hold his hand. He started smiling to himself as he recalled everything that happened on the bench. When TJ slowly inched his hand towards his own. His soft but longing “yeah” when Cyrus asked if there was anything else he wanted to tell him. The ever-so-slight brush of TJ’s fingertips over the back of his hand when TJ asked him the same question. The unsure, but sure-as-anything look in his beautiful green eyes. His shaky sigh of relief after they finally interlocked fingers. Hmm. Now that Cyrus thought about it, TJ was pretty damn nervous. Terrified, even. The smile on Cyrus’ face faded as he came to a realisation. The last thing he would ever want to do was out TJ without his permission. He checked his watch again. 11:13 AM. He got his phone out and started to text TJ.

Cyrus, 11:14 AM

Hey, TJ ☺️ You busy?

TJ, 11:15 AM

Hey! Nope, what’s up?

Cyrus, 11:15 AM

Do you think you can stop by the Spoon real quick? I have something I need to ask to you about

TJ, 11:16 AM

Oh, sure, I’ll be there in 10 ❤️

Cyrus, 11:16 AM

Can’t wait 🙈💕

That smile found its way back onto Cyrus’ face. He and TJ were sending each other heart emojis. That was something he never thought would happen. Cyrus pulled out his Social Studies textbook and waited for TJ to arrive.

Cyrus heard the door’s bell and looked up, and found himself smiling widely at the tall blonde boy. He was wearing a dark green hoodie with sweatpants, and glasses. Cyrus had never seen him in glasses before. He felt himself falling for TJ all over again. TJ slid into the booth and sat down beside Cyrus.

“What’s up, boyfriend?” TJ smiled and wrapped his arm around the smaller boy. Cyrus giggled and snuggled into TJ’s side.

“Hey, boyyyfrieeeend,” Cyrus playfully replied. Everything was still extremely new to them. All the physical contact, open flirting, and all the other couple-y things. It was a lot to get used to, but Cyrus could definitely get used to it.

“You said you needed to talk?” TJ asked, a slight tinge of worry in his voice.

“Yeah...I’m meeting up with Andi, Buffy and Jonah at 12, and I wanted to tell them about...us,” Cyrus began to explain. Then he paused. He could hardly believe that he and TJ and were an ‘us.’

“But, um, I wanted your permission first,” Cyrus looked up at TJ. TJ took his arm from around Cyrus and intertwined their fingers.

“Cy, permission to tell your best friends? You can tell them anything you want,” TJ said softly, rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of Cyrus’ hand.

“I mean...I wasn’t sure if I could just out you like that...you know?”

TJ smiled sweetly and brought Cyrus’ hand up to his lips for a gentle kiss. Cyrus’ heart rate shot up. He could feel his cheeks reddening.

“Cyrus, I really appreciate that. Thank you. But if you want to tell them, I’m perfectly okay with that,” TJ said in his soft and low voice. The kind of voice that made Cyrus’ insides turn into mush. Cyrus sighed, rested his head on TJ’s shoulder, and began using his free hand to fiddle with the beaded bracelet around TJ’s wrist. The two boys sat in silence for a minute or two. Cyrus loved this. Just him and TJ, nobody else. He thought, maybe he could be a little selfish for a bit.

“Actually...” Cyrus broke the silence.

“Hmm?” TJ turned his head slightly.

“Maybe I’ll wait...to tell them...” he squeezed TJ’s hand gently.

“Really? What made you change your mind?” TJ turned his head a bit more.

“I don’t know...Now that I think about it, I kinda like the idea of it being our little secret for now,” Cyrus cuddled closer to his new boyfriend. TJ let out a soft chuckle.

“Sounds good to me.”

A notification lit up Cyrus’ phone, which was sitting on the table in front of them. He caught a glimpse of the time. 11:47 AM.

“Oh, shoot, they’ll be here any minute now,” Cyrus jumped up. TJ started laughing.

“Well, I guess I’ll catch you later then, secret boyfriend,” TJ winked as he got up from his seat. Cyrus giggled and slid out of the booth seat.

“Bye, secret boyfriend,” Cyrus wrapped his arms around TJ’s neck. TJ arms automatically wrapped around Cyrus’ waist. Neither of them wanted this moment to end.

“Text me?” TJ smirked as he loosened the hug and looked down at Cyrus in his arms.

“Absolutely,” Cyrus smiled up at TJ. TJ released himself from the hug, and Cyrus suddenly felt really cold. He watched as TJ walked out of The Spoon, and then sighed as he sat back down. Not even three minutes later, Andi, Buffy, and Jonah walked in.

“Hey, Cyrus! We passed TJ on the way here. Do you want to invite him to hang out?” Buffy smiled mischievously. The three sat themselves at Cyrus’ booth.

“Oh, uh, he was just here. He stopped by for a couple minutes because he saw me through the window. He said he had...stuff to do,” Cyrus was terrible at lying, but it looked like they bought it.

“Awww, okay. Next time, I guess!” Buffy shrugged.

“SO GUYS, GUESS WHAT!!” she quickly changed the subject.

“What happened?? Spill the tea!” Andi looked extremely excited, and Jonah had on his perpetual smile.

“Marty...and I......had our first kiss!!” Buffy squealed.

Everybody at the table erupted in gasps and exclamations.

“Woah!! Seriously?? Congrats!!” Jonah threw his arm around Buffy and squeezed her.

“It’s about time!! I’m so happy for you!” Andi beamed.

“What!! Buffy! That’s amazing!!” Cyrus nearly jumped out of his seat. Buffy had the sweetest smile on her face, and her cheeks were tinted pink. You’d usually never catch Buffy blushing like this, so it was absolutely precious.

“Thanks, guys! It was so...nice? Like, first I told him that I liked him...and that I just wanted to tell him in case he ever changed his mind. And guess what he said!!” Buffy bounced in her seat.

Andi bounced with her. “Girl, what did he say??”

“He took my hands...and told me that he never changed his mind. And then he kissed me!” Buffy had the biggest smile on her face.

“That is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard!” Cyrus squealed.

“But enough about me! Cyrus, did anything happen with you-know-who~?”

Buffy wiggled her eyebrows. Cyrus felt his heart jump up to his throat.

“Ahh, well...we just talked for a bit. He told me that he’s not speaking to Kira anymore, though!” Cyrus put on his best performance, as if that was the most exciting thing to happen that night.

“He finally realised how mean Kira is, huh. I told you it would take him a while!” Buffy smiled.

“Maybe that means you can start spending more time with him? Without Kira pulling him away from you,” Andi put her hand on Cyrus’ shoulder.

“Yeah!! That’s true,” Jonah smiled.

“Yeah, you’ll have a better chance! If it took him so long to realise that Kira was mean, maybe it will take him a while to realise how much he likes you!” Buffy had that mischievous look on her face again.

“Uh, haha...yeah, maybe!” Cyrus sat back in his seat, and tried to hide the small smile on his lips.

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1q5Hk7u9aw

Ah FMF, even when you’re not Genwunning RT writing, you’re still not good. So Why am I covering his video on a ‘bad review’ of Netflix’s Death Note? Well this was used in the video of a Youtuber I once respected and I’m pretty sure he started adopting FMF’s bullshit so I’ve decided dissect the video to showcase that he’s bad at this no matter what the subject and why he shouldn’t be listen to.

Before we even begin, FMF begins his video with saying ‘this is just my opinion’ even though his video is titled ‘A response to a bad Death Note review’ and he has a visual counter system for what the original video gets wrong called ‘Wrong/Illogical’ which aren’t opinions. Honestly, it comes off as FMF using this as a shield to prevent criticism.

So his first point against Cosmonaut Variety Hour is that he complains about the pacing, talking about how Netflix Light gets the Death Note 2 minutes in, meets Ryuk 8 minutes in and kills his first victim a little later. FMF says that the anime had Light following a similar path. Which is true...only because FMF cuts off Cosmonaut’s final part: where he states a short while later Light gets a girl friend (Misa/Mia). This completely changes things, as how many minutes into the anime does Light get a girlfriend?

Well, each episode is about 22 minutes long with episode 1 being 23. Light and Misa part ways about 3 minutes 15 seconds into Episode 14. However, about 2 minutes 40 seconds of each episode is opening and ending. So let’s do the math.

22 * 13 + 4.25 = 290.25

2.66 * 13 + 1.5 (the opening is about 1 minute 30 seconds) = 36.08

290.25 - 36.08 = 254.17

Each .01 is .6 seconds. so 17 X .6 is 10.2

the time to getting Misa is 290 minutes and 10.2 seconds. In the movie? Let’s just say 30 minutes for simplicity’s sake (it’s more like 27 minutes and 11 seconds). That’s a net difference of 260 minutes and 10.2 seconds. WELL over double the length of the movie. So Cosmonaut’s point makes sense, if a bit ill explained.

Also in this point, he says it doesn’t make sense because Cosmonaut said ‘I like it wasn’t two hours’ ... when anyone with awareness could tell that wasn’t an actual like, it was a potshot at the movie’s poor quality that it was short. 

The next point is that Cosmonaut complains about the movie not fleshing out  Light, Mia and Ryuk. FMF says the exposition before finding the Death Note is about explaining Light’s life situation. ... This is a really dishonest response because he cuts off Cosmonaut explaining himself, up to and including how he would have found the few scenes with Light, Ryuk and Mia interesting if they were all more fleshed out. Not only is this stuff not helping because only one third of his point is addressed- Light’s life situation is mostly technical and meant to build up his motivation whereas Cosmonaut is talking about Light and the others as people. It’s reliant on FMF either missing or misinterpreting the point, neither of which is acceptable.

Also, in the bit he doesn’t show, Cosmonaut says ‘I’m not saying make this two hours. For the love of God, don’t make this two hours long’ with an image of a man having a heart attack, which should have informed FMF than part of his previous point was based on taking a blatant joke seriously. ... Yeah.

Next point is...Nothing. No seriously, Cosmonaut says ‘spend some time making your main character likeable or relatable in any way’ and FMF just says ‘You can’t just say there’s nothing to like.’ He doesn’t even give an example whereas Cosmonaut does, showcasing that infamous scream of Light’s (given, FMF cut that part off.) He also considers this wrong by the way. Not in my words, his ‘Wrong’ counter goes up.

His next point is about when Cosmonaut says the logic of the movie is being dumb because Light chose the name Kira. FMF claims that the logic is sound because Light makes a dumb decision and he gets immediately figured out. Issue is that A. He cut Cosmonaut mentioning that Light in the anime never actually choosing the name (setting up how the name choosing is dumb) B. That it doesn’t get immediately figured out until L figures it out (a character meant to be smart) and C. The movie itself never treats the name as being a dumb decision, in fact the police are stated to have fallen for it. Nothing here functions.

The following point is ... another dishonest one. Cosmonaut says that L finding out that Kira’s name is a misdirection doesn’t make him look smart, it makes him look dumber than Light. And FMF responds by saying ‘that doesn’t make sense because L used the death of the first victim to find out where Light was, like the anime version did!’. Thing is, Cosmonaut is saying it makes him look dumb, not that he is. You normally don’t notice this because both involve discussing L’s intelligence, never realizing that FMF is talking about something different. This is a fallacy called ‘pivoting’: you see politicians doing this a lot. He’s being dishonest again.

Before we move onto the next point, I wanna point out that he skips Cosmonaut bitching about the movie giving L a reason to eat candy and how it doesn’t make sense. Thing is, Cosmonaut says that the movie is stating candies can keep you awake for 48 hours but the clip he shows doesn’t say that. It was 41 hours and the topic was keeping his mind focused. You’d think FMF would jump on this since he IS wrong here...but no, he doesn’t. Trust me when I say this becomes important later.

fMF;s next point is another case of cut context. He shows a clip of Cosmonaut saying some scenes were likely cut with an example of Ryuk saying he’s disappointed and that he said Light should give up the Death Note  while FMF responds by saying Ryuk already informed him. Thing is, Cosmonaut is talking about Ryuk SAYING Light should give it up instead of INFORMING Light he can give it up like FMF says, playing a clip where Ryuk says as much (’I asked politely but you didn’t hear me: let the note go!’) and Cosmonaut even rebutes FMF’s point, saying what Ryuk did before was inform him of an option but not insisted on it (in fact egging Light on). Again, relying on cutting off his argument.

His point afterward is short but correct: Cosmonaut says L should be surprised Light knows his name and FMF shows that they revealed it earlier. I think it’s also the only point so far that he hasn’t cut off.

The next is one that FMF doesn’t cut off but is still rather sneaky. Cosmonaut says the movie is making the case for Light Turner being smart and FMF says the movie is making the case that Light is poor, has iffy morals ect. This is the scene that most people point to saying the movie says Light is smart here. FMF is trying to disprove that by giving an alternate interpretation. Thing is, why would anyone pay to have their homework partially done by a dumb person? That...doesn’t make sense. And Light has 15 customers at least, since he was found with at least 15 people’s homework on him when he was found after being punched (something FMF tries to use to say ‘see? He was punched for trying to be clever! The movie’s not saying he’s smart!’) so he should know this.

Afterward, he tackles Cosmonaut’s point about Light cracking under pressure by saying the pressure is mounting on him. I could understand this (ignoring how I’ve made this same point to him about RWBY...) except that in the anime even more pressure was on Light and he never cracked like this. Is Light Turner a different character? Yes...but no one mentions this. 

“‘Lust for power’ is one of the most basic human motivations in the world.” is his next counter argument against Cosmonaut, who says ‘we never learn why Mia wants to kill everybody.” I’m afraid I can’t let the RWBY thing directly slid anymore because this standard could really affect his work: Cinder has the EXACT SAME motivation and no one buys that shit. We don’t buy it because there has to be a reason BEHIND the lust for power. Even Dio had this (he wanted power because of his fucked up childhood.) So he really should be calling this out himself. ESPECIALLY if he’s called out Cinder before.

Next up is FMF going on and on about how the movie shows Light isn’t smart (Err, no. Getting punched was suppose to show how crooked the system was) and how L is making this a game for his ego (he...never prove this beyond showing L refer to this as a game. Nothing for ego) in response to Light being called dumb... And why wouldn’t he be considered smart? He outright says L refers to him as smart and while he says it’s for his ego, not only is the homework thing logically about him being smart but the character Turner is adapted from is notoriously smart so that’s just...logical.

Next one is fucking weird. Cosmonaut says the rule about the Death Note’s burning page makes no sense and FMF says that while he agrees with it, he tries to insert a counter by saying that ‘taking Ryuk at face value, it might not work at all.’ ... The rule wasn’t said by Ryuk, it’s said in the Death Note. Ryuk was saying that he can only do it once. He fucked up a point he says he mostly agree with.

Next part is Cosmonaut saying it’s stupid that Watari only has one name and is using his real name and FMF says that it makes sense as Watari needs to be contacted to get to L...ignoring that you could just have a private number. And before someone complains at me since he says its an opinion: that ‘Wrong’ counter goes up and that ain’t an opinion so I’m not buying it.

The next part brings up that Light got Watari’s name from his dad, something Cosmonaut says L should have known better because L wasn’t a suspect yet while FMF points out that Light wasn’t a suspect yet. ... This is still calls L’s intelligence into question as he was giving out his partner’s name out so it can be researched...and he has the man undisguised with him in the open (which is how Light gets his face). 

Next part I’ll give: This version of L is emotional so FMF is right...if he had taken the time to establish this is suppose to be a video looking at the movie on it’s own. FMF, you need to give context.

Next two are basically the same: Cosmonaut bitches about Light not giving a reason for not wanting to killing Watari and FMF cities ‘we don’t kill people’ and ‘survival instinct’ for why he would want to kill L as reasons...which brings up: wouldn’t killing Watari also fall under ‘survival instinct’?  Kill L’s ally/possible avenger?

The next point is really stupid. It’s bitching about the moment where Watari dies, Cosmonaut saying that it doesn’t make sense that Watari doesn’t reveal L’s name while FMF says that Ryuk could have interpreted his ‘dealer’s choice’ to kill him without revealing the name to fuck with Light...Ryuk’s never acted to fuck with Light like that before (could have interpreted the names being written to mean [Reveal Light’s name to the world] too) and ‘dealer’s choice’ refers to the type of death, not what everything in it means.

He then mocks Cosmonaut for saying a scene of Ryuk saying ‘dealer’s choice!’ disproved what Cosmonaut said before. Ignoring that I have personally seen him pull this on RWBY- He does this same thing here NUMEROUS TIMES with Cosmonaut. It still doesn’t make sense because Ryuk, when Watari’s circumstances are written down, mentioned the cause of death SPECIFICALLY. That’s why there’s an issue.

Afterward Cosmonaut bitches that Mia can’t get the Death Note because he needs to live it alone for seven days while FMF corrects him as he shows Light can just give it up. Nothing really bad here (in a vacuum). Same with the ‘finding Light’ thing that comes after (in a vacuum).

Next is FMF being suspicious again. He cuts up Cosmonaut’s argument about why there is so many police at the pier and why the are there that he cuts out a part of Cosmonaut’s point (that they found L so there’s no reason for so much force there). And his ‘within reason’ thing pops up again even as he doesn’t afford Cosmonaut that. Same with the ‘L said Light is Kira and he took my gun’ counter to Cosmonaut even though in any other circumstance he would have ignored that.

Next is...confusing AND bullshit. Cosmonaut says that, with Light writing that if Mia takes the Death Note she dies, the Death Note is never shown to have these kinds of deaths. And FMF says that...it wasn’t the Death Note. ... Even though the end, Light did write that down. FMF tries to justify this by saying Mia was forced to do it by the Death Note by referencing her saying ‘I love you so much’ and looking shocked when getting the Death note...what he DOESN’T show you is Light saying ‘If you love me, you gotta trust me. Don’t take the book’ before her line, Light getting distracted by his dad afterward, panicking when she takes it THEN her looking shocked as she said ‘What?’. FMF is pretty much LYING at that point.

Cosmonaut has this really big point about Light’s plan from the movie’s climax where FMF attacks some of the aspects. One is him saying Light needed to discredit L to get off the hook (even though he never shows the part about the criminal being brainwashed into doing Light’s dirty work to clear his name.) He brings up Watari not knowing where L’s orphanage is...even though he could have learned about it off screen.

And we end with him making a technical error: he says that the page L has also has the rules/instructions on it...and I can’t tell what it says. So it’s as good as worthless.

Cosmonaut did make a few mistakes and FMF could have made an actual good video by addressing how he doesn’t explain the points he makes against the movie...but that isn’t what he did. Instead of going for smaller but truthful criticisms, he goes for big, flashy and ultimately fault at the VERY best and disgustingly manipulative at worst. All of this without mentioning his hypocrisy with RWBY (example: he ignores anything that doesn’t happen on screen and gives no logical concessions to the show while demanding Cosmonaut do that.) Even when giving him some credit, the man makes it so his targets always look better out of it because he’s so dishonest and manipulative.

Honestly, no one should look to him for inspiration or good points. Because even with a video as bare bones and basic as Cosmonaut, he makes it look like a work of Robert Ebert.

[dr4pos]

5 minutes of silence

*5 minutes of silence* 

  Brain: Hello there!

Me: Shut up

Brain: we haven’t had a discussion in a long time.

Me: Yeah because everytime we talk to each other i’m losing track of time. I am coming always late to things and i overthink stuff for no reason. And you keep me from doing stuff i want to do.

Brain: uhu and what is that?

Me: i want to draw more

Brain: then do it.

Me.: and i want to learn more

Brain: then do it.

Me: I want to play more

Brain: then do it

Me: I want to finally start to make a good track

Brain: well then do it.

Me: I want to talk to more friends of mine

Brain: then do it.

Me: And i want to continue my story

Brain: then do it.

Me: Then tell me why are you holding me back!

Brain: Me?

Me: Yeah you! Every time i want to do something you distract me with something Every time i am making a plan to do something like practice drawing or learning french/japanese you stop me

Brain: i don’t stop you i just show you an alternative.

Me: THAT IS DISTRACTING! You never really encourage me to do something productive.

Brain: Come on that’s not true. what was with the one time? this one time then you were drawing this character?

Me: that was one time. and it was more than a week ago.

Brain: AAAAAnd it’s technically just a half character.

Me: Fuck you.

Brain: come on it’s true! Your character has two bodies.

Me: Fuck you.

Brain: Why are you so mean? you know it’s true!

Me: Stop changing the subject!

Brain: I don’t change the subject. i just try to remember you that you aren’t even finished.

Me: …

Brain: …

Me: I hate you!

Brain: Yeah i know self hatred is not the healthiest thing.

Me: that’s not what i …

Brain: You know it’s true.

Me: …

Brain: we both know that you are the thing that you hate the most.

Me: stop it

Brain: You hate yourself even more than fascism and lies.

Me: please stop it

Brain: things that you say you hate the most.

Me: i swear to everything i care about if you don’t stop…

Brain: then what? you want to kill yourself? we both know that you wouldn’t do that.

Me: Are you sure. 

*Searching for a knife*

Brain: Yes i am. you’ve sworn yourself that you will not kill yourself as long as there are people who care about you and as long as you’re not done with the goals you have.

Me: … Fuck you …!

Brain: anyways.

Me: What?

Brain: What about Miya?

Me: What is with Miya? she is my favorite plushy and now?

Brain: why is she just laying around then?

Me: because i will definitely not play with her like a little child

Brain: But weren’t you happy about her after you got her because you can  make now pictures in makro everywhere with her?

Me: Yeah and?

Brain: You pretty much ignored instagram for a while.

Me: it’s because i can’t take any pictures which look different than what i have already.

Brain: I think you’re to pessimistic with that.

Me: who’s fault is that?

Brain: Yeah ok kinda.

Me: And you want me to talk to you more.

Brain: of course. Btw.

Me: Hm?

Brain: what about the other “red panda”?

Me: shut it.

Brain: Oh no ´fuck you´ this time?

Me: just stop.

Brain: no seriously what is with her?

Me: what do you mean? She knows how i feel about her!

Brain: Even you don’t know how to feel about her how i she supposed to know that? you always say that she is your favorite person in the world but do you just admire her or do you actually love her?

Me: I don’t know ok?

Brain: we both know that you think both

Me: …

Brain: you’re just not sure. and!

Me: And?

Brain: She is another reason why you don’t just kill yourself.

Me: pls stop

Brain Because you would actually die for her. you would do anything to make her happy even if it means that you suffer for the rest of your life.

Me: …

Brain: Sounds like love to me to be honest.

Me: just change the subject please.

Brain: then how about your novel? your Story

Me: no?

Brain: ok then just end the conversation here and look if jake hill and josh a released something new. perhaps did callejon released something new to or kira or stromae or Reol or …

Me: that’s what i meant before. you always. keep me from being productive

Brain: You’re welcome

[aarunomura]

MARGINAL#4「IDOL OF STARLIGHT KISS 2」CD Vol.4 Full Drama - Eru & Aru (Translation)

★ Please DO NOT re-translate or post this translation anywhere.

TRACK 1: Anniversary With Eru

Today is my one-year anniversary of going out with her. I am on my way to her house for a celebration. This one year has gone by in the blink of an eye. But then again, they say that you lose track of time when you’re having fun. It certainly feels that way. Each day we spend together—no matter how much time passes by—is fun, brings me joy, and is irreplaceable. Usually, I get embarrassed and can’t be honest, but today, I’m going to properly tell her:

“Thank you for bringing me happiness.” “Let’s be together from here on out as well.”

☆★☆

*rings doorbell* *You get the door for him.*

[1:34]

Good evening! Thanks for having me. Haah, it was freezing. *sniffs* Hmm? Something smells nice. Were you in the middle of cooking? Can I have a look? Yay! What are you cooking, I wonder~?

Uwaah, cute! What is this sushi called again? That’s the word, “temarizushi”! You roll it around like a marimo, and it’s cute! Ah! And there are octopus wieners! You added faces to them as well! You made so much for me. Thank you. But they look so nice that I probably won’t be able to eat them. *laughs* I know that! I shall eat eeeeeeverything without any leftovers!

[2:55]

Ah, right. Do you want me to help you with anything? I can’t exactly make a complete meal, but I at least know how to roll rice into balls! Eeehhh... Then... *puts his arms around you from behind* How about I cheer you on until you’ve finished cooking? Come on, pick up the rice, and sloooowly roll them together. *amused* What’s wrong? Your hands have stopped moving, you know? That’s right, that’s the way. Good, and that’s one completed. Say, how many more are you going to make? I don’t mind making as mu—mmph!

Suddenly putting an octopus wiener in my mouth is dangerous. It tasted great though. *smiles* I’m sorry too. Then, I’m going to patiently wait in that room so if you want me to help you with something, call me. Whether it’s wiping the table or preparing the meal, I’ll do anything!

TRACK 2: Past and Future

Since I got chased out of the kitchen, I guess I’ll patiently wait until she’s finished with cooking. ...Oh? Gosh, she’s left all these books lying about. Hmm, “Best Management Theories”. “How to Make Idols Shine.” Fufu, she’s really diligent in her studies, that’s why. But well, thanks to that, we’re shining bright. Anyway, I’m going to move these books out of the way for the moment. Hmm? ...This. Could it be... a graduation album?

[0:57]

...She's not going to come in the room yet, right...? Heeh. What a beautiful school... I wonder which class she was in. Ah! Found her! She hasn’t changed one bit. How cuteee! There are so many photos from her cultural festival and sports festival! Oh? Is this it? Mmm, it’s so tiny I can’t see. It sure would’ve been nice. If we were the same age, we could’ve taken the same classes and participated in these kinds of events together... I actually... probably don’t know anything about her... Long before she started going out with me, she would be... laughing, feeling sad, and getting angry like this too, huh. I’m sure... she experienced love too...

[2:18]

*You come into the room and put a plate on the table.*

Ah!! H-Hold on! I told you to call me because I’d help out as well... Eh? Ah, this? I found it by chance so I was reading through it. It’s fine, no? It’s not something to fret over about. And besides, you looked adorable in your school uniform, you know? Ah, hey hey. There are a lot of photos of you together with this guy, but you were two close? Was he what you’d call an ‘ex’? Well that’s a shame. Just a classmate, huh. You say that, but what is the truth? Ahaha, sorry sorry. I know. I believe you.

Hmm? What is it? ...I’m being my usual self though? ...Then again, you could still tell that I was lying to you... But it really isn’t that big of a deal, and even if I complain, there’s nothing that can be done about it.

[3:40]

Ah... ...Don’t laugh, okay? I was thinking... that I don’t really know anything about you... The things about you before I met you, like the most enjoyable moments, as well as the saddest moments in your life. When I thought about how I don’t know anything about that... I just started to feel down... Even though it’s only natural for me to not know about those things from before we met... i-it still bothers me.

Say... Am I doing a good job at making you happy...? The present is more important...? That’s so unfair, saying that the times when you’re together with me are important... I-It’s like you’re trying to make a pass at me... G-Gosh, don’t say that it probably does. If you’re going to make a pass on me... *kiss* ...I’d need you to do this at the very least.

[5:09]

Fufu, your face is bright red. But... thanks. Because these moments when I can be together with you are the most important and precious to me as well. Let’s keep on creating lots of memories together, okay. 

Anyway, shall we eat? I’ll help you carry the food. Come on, let’s go. Fufu. I sure am looking forward to it~

TRACK 3: Important Friends

Uwaaah, they look tasty!!! These temarizushi are colourful compared to earlier and look so pretty! Thanks for the meaaal~! *happily eats* So gooood! They’re round, and are bite-sized and easy to eat, and look cute; they’re pretty much perfect! You went to all the trouble of making lots for me so it’s fine for me to give you lots of praise, right? And plus, I’m not lying. *happily takes another bite*

Hmm? What’s wrong? Ah, you’re talking about our stay-at-home date? Yeah, I wanted this so I’m fine with it. Well, when it comes to anniversaries, the amusement park or the aquarium would be the places to go to. But well. If we had an outdoor date, there’s a chance that we might get our photos taken by the cameras. In saying that, I’m only joking, and it’s because today’s our important anniversary that I wanted us to spend time alone together. And besides, I wanted to eat your home-made cooking after not having it for a while. It makes me happy that you’re willing to make it for me at any time, but when I thought about how you were going to make me even more delicious food since today is special, it made me look forward to it. Fufu, believe it or not, I skipped out on lunch today for this. *laughs* *happily eats* The taste of the shrimp has left such a deep impression on me...!

[2:13]

Say! What kind of student were you in high school? Like, were you diligent or devoted to club activities, for example? Heeh?! I wasn’t expecting that! Even though you seem like the type to listen attentively in class. Ah, but I totally understand! By the fifth hour, or when it’s after lunch, I feel sleepy.

You’ve got it wrong! The habitual offender of dozing off is Atom-kun. I have times when I become sleepy, but I still pay attention in class. Don’t worry! I attend all my classes, and get good marks on my tests too, you know? Ah! Hey! I actually have a test coming up, but if I get a good mark, won’t you give me a reward?

[3:10]

Aahh! I’ll hold you to that then. I’m going to go all out for the next test then so look forward to my results, okay? What kind of reward will you give me, I wonder~?! *amused* Ah! That reminds me, I forgot to discuss with Aru about when we should have our study session. We don’t do it every time, but we do teach each other when we feel that a topic that we’re bad at will show up in the test. The subjects that I’m good at and the subjects that Aru is good at are different so we both compensate for the areas that we’re bad at. And after all, if I get a failing grade, it’ll end up causing trouble for the agency and other members. Even if we try to teach Atom-kun a bit, it’s hopeless! On top of that, Aru and I can’t bring ourselves to be ruthless so we think it’s best to leave that to Rui-kun instead. Fufu, that said, Rui-kun is Spartan so I do feel kind of sorry for Atom-kun.

[4:22]

E-E-Ehh? R-Really...? Isn’t it the usual? Do I really talk that much about the others? I see... Hmm. But you’re probably right. In the past, I didn’t have much interest in other people, and merely observed them and adjusted according to their liking. But then I became a member of MG#4, and as I got to know the others, I was able to think that there was no need for me to force myself to adjust to others. That it was fine for me to be myself! I guess that was where it all started. By that, I mean how I began to see everyone not as objects for me observe, but as friends. Of course, that includes Kira-kun, Tsubasa-kun, and the others too. Right now, they are important friends. That might be why I wanted to tell someone about them. I’d feel like saying things like, “This happened yesterday.” Or, “Someone said this hilarious thing.” I probably wanted to tell someone, “All of my precious friends are interesting, and fun and reliable, and are good people.” Well, once in a while, my habit of observing people will come out, but I think of it as an important skill to have as it is, and therefore don’t see it as something I should fix.

[6:02]

...Wait, what kind of serious stuff are you making me talk about?! G-Gosh, it’s embarrassing...! ...You better not talk about this to anyone else. Good! Anyway, let’s eat! Come on, you’ve barely eaten. It’s delicious so you have to eat lots as well!

TRACK 4: Happy Travels

*sits down and sighs* Now that all of the dishes are done, we can sit back and relax. What are you saying? I got to eat your delicious cooking so it’s only natural that I’d help out with washing the dishes at least. Once again, thanks for making food for me. It was delicious. Oh, it’s already 8 P.M.? Are we meeting up early for work tomorrow? I see. I wanted to sleep over tonight, but, hmm... That might be difficult.

You feel lonely about that as well? You’re being unusually honest. No need to worry. We can still be together for a little while longer. ‘Kay? *holds your hand* Until time is up, how about spending some sweeeet time with me?

[1:18]

Eh. You can leave the drinks for aft—ah. H-Hold on! Ah. She left. Gosh, she’s so shy. Guess I have no choice. I’ll watch TV while I wait for her~ *turns on the TV* Ah, it’s Italy. How nice~ I want to go.

*You come back and put a cup on the table.*

Ah, welcome back. Thanks. Look, they’re doing a special feature on Italy. Uwaah, the sea is so beautiful~ If I get a week off, I’d like to go. Hmm, travelling alone doesn’t sound bad either, but if I’m going to go, then I’d like to go with you. I want to share the fun stuff with you, after all. 'Kay? Then... Shall we go together?

[2:29]

Woaaah, that startled me. That sound came from the TV? Heeeh. A quiz, eh. “What is the name of the bridge said to assure eternal love?” Ah, I know this. Do you know? Then, if you get this question right, how about I give you a reward~?! Fufu. So you want me to kiss you that badly, I see. Sure. If that’s what you wish for, then how about I make a kiss as the reward? Well that’s no fun.

So? What’s your answer? A hint. Hmm. Something that increases when you have someone you love, I guess. Eeeehh? Hmm, gosh, then... A special hint. Watch closely, okay? *heaves a deep sigh* Got it? Correct! They say that if you kiss on a gondola under the Bridge of Sighs, you will be promised eternal love. Romantic, right? If we ever get the chance to go to Italy for real, let’s go there. To swear our eternal love, that is. Anyway, I need to give you a reward, don’t I.

[4:16]

Alright, turn to the right. *blows in your ear* Hehe, sorry sorry. That was a little prank just now. I won’t do it again so turn to the right for me? Ah, ah, ahh, you can’t move yet. Alright, this side is OK. Okay, now turn to the left. Hmm. And done! Face this way. 

Yup, it suits you. I was torn over what kind of accessory would suit you, but in the end, I thought that earrings would be best. I mean, they’re easy to put on for everyday wear too, and it’d also be easy for me to notice them, like, “Ah! She’s wearing them for me again today!” right? Ah, right. I was the one who put them on both your ears so you haven’t been able to see them for yourself yet, huh. Let's see, mirror, mirror. Alright, here you go.

[5:30] *smiles*

I'm glad you like it! Hey, know what the green gemstone embedded on the earrings is? Fufu, bingo! Yup, it's emerald! Now, for what reason did you think I chose emerald? Bubu, wrong! I may be a marimo lover, but I wouldn't pick it for that reason. The correct answer is: it's because I wanted to make you happy. Emerald is apparently a gemstone deeply associated with love, and is often gifted to a lover with whom you wish to have a long-lasting relationship. Have you heard of the term 'emerald anniversary'? When you marry someone, after 55 years, you gift them with emerald in hopes that you can both be together for even longer.

Fufu. It's still a long way into the future, but it'd be nice if we could be together for those 55 years. When that time comes, let me give you an emerald again, okay? I will cherish you for a lifetime. Because I will bring you happiness. I love you, forever and always. Next year, the year after that, and for decades to come, stay with me? I love you. *kiss*

[7:20] *amused*

*shakes head* No. I was just thinking about how happy I am. I never thought that having you by my side and happily smiling for me would make me this happy. Hey, let me kiss you one more time. *kiss* Say, wear these earrings, and let's go to Italy. Let's have a date in a country where no one else knows us. Fufu. It's a promise. I love you. *kiss*

TRACK 5: Anniversary With Aru

“I’m on my way now.” And sent. Ah! It’s already this late?! I need to hurry! *starts running*

I started going out with her a year ago. Today is our important anniversary. A lot of things happened in the one year. Work for MARGINAL#4 grew, and we became busier, held many types of lives, and appeared in dramas too. Also, the memories I have with her, who always supports me with her kind smile, has grown plenty this past year. The memories were mostly good ones, but that wasn’t all. We also had our small arguments. But when I look back at them now, it might have been a good learning experience. With my heart filled with expectations of the kinds of memories that will be made today, I run. I’ll make it a wonderful day so wait for me!

TRACK 6: Light of Blessings

*You’re in the middle of chopping ingredients when the door bell rings. You go and open the door.*

Haah... Haah... Sorry I’m late...! Haah... When I left the agency, Atom-kun and the others got hold of me... Did I make you wait? I see. That’s a relief. Mhm! Pardon the intrusion. Haah...

☆★☆

[0:56]

Ah, this paper bag? Actually, the others gave it to me. I told you that Atom-kun and the others got hold of me when I left the agency earlier, right? They handed it to me at that time, but to be honest, I don’t know what’s in it either. Umm... Actually, after I told Eru that I would be home late because today was our one-year anniversary, it looked like he blurted it out to the others... And so during our break time, they went to all the trouble of buying presents for us. On top of that, when I left, I was told, “Wishing you happiness.” That made me happy, but it was also embarrassing. Ah, I know! Why don’t we have a look inside together? Then... By the way, is everything going alright with the cooking? I see. Then, how about we open it, and take our time looking at what’s inside?

[2:15]

Umm... First is... grilled meat sauce. This is definitely from Atom-kun, isn’t it. As expected of Atom-kun, he doesn’t budge. Next is... a small bottle containing a marimo... Eru doesn’t budge either, does he. Next is... chopsticks! I wonder if this is from Rui-kun. There are two sets of them. Eh? Ah, you’re right! This is Rui-kun’s handwriting. The envelope has, “Wishing you two happiness.” written on it. It’s just like everyone to give these kinds of presents. Eh? There’s more inside? Let’s see? ...What is this...? Handcuffs...? Ah, there’s more. Bathing powder, and cut-out cookies... A single rose... Wait! Geez, I bet that they found it funny midway through to add random things in! Geez! Well, I guess we should be grateful that they aren’t things with completely no use...

[3:43]

Shall we use the chopsticks later? Do you want the bathing powder? It’s written here that it’s effective against all kinds of sicknesses so it might be good for when you’ve caught a cold. Here! I’ll give it to you. Also, you can use the sauce when you’re eating grilled meat. And for the marimo... Do you want to use it as a decoration? Thanks. If you’re unsure about how to look after it, you can ask Eru. When it comes to marimo, he knows everything. What about the cookies? Do you want to try one? Then, here! “Aah.” Ah! S-Sorry! I just... When he eats snacks, Eru would often tell me to feed him so out of habit, I... Eh?! A-Are you sure?! Th-Then, say, “Aah.”... Is it nice? I’m glad to hear that! Then, I’ll have one as well. Mmm! It’s delicious! Let’s leave the rest for later. Continuing on... These two are left... What should we do with this?

[5:21]

Hmm. Using this for when I’m getting into a character role is a good suggestion, but... unless I get a police or mafia role, it’d be difficult to use it. Ah... I believe you open it and then wear it like this. Does it feel comfortable? *laughs* You’re in awfully high spirits... But... you won’t be saying that... for long. I’ll overlook it today, but... the next time I catch you... I won’t let you go, okay? J-Just kidding! I-I was thinking that if I were to create that role for a drama, it’d be something like this... Ah, did I frighten you? I-I see! What a relief! Ah. But... I am a man so you mustn’t let your guard down.

*laughs* I’ll take these handcuffs off you. What are you going to do about this? Use it as an interior decoration? If you don’t need it, don’t hesitate it say it. Ah, or how about... Here. To my beloved Princess. ...I don’t know how to capture the mood like Kira-san and Shy-san do, but if you like, please accept this rose. You’re welcome. Anyway, it looks like that’s it for the presents so how about we have our meal? I’ll help you! *laughs* I’m looking forward to your home-made cooking.

TRACK 7: Everyone’s Happiness

Waaaah!! Everything looks delicious! Thanks for making lots for me! Then, let’s have a toast, shall we? Umm, then... Thank you for everything you have done for me this past year. I look forward to our future together. Cheers! Then, I shall dig in right away. This tomato-baked chicken is super yummy! The meat is also tender, and somehow, it has a gentle taste. I’m sure it tastes more delicious than usual because you made it for me. I’m not over-praising you. Here, give it a try. Right? But, how nice~ Although I can cook simple dishes, I don’t know how to make a full meal. Of course I’d like to cook for Eru, but I’d like to cook for everyone too. But well, I probably won’t be able to make it as good as Atom-kun does. Just as you are supporting me, I want to support everyone. There are not many things I can do compared to the others so I think it’d be nice if I am able to support everyone from all angles. Ah, but it’s not like I’m being pessimistic. What I mean is that I want to do the things that I am capable of doing for everyone. I don’t plan on attempting the impossible so don’t worry.

[2:17]

Mmm... I wasn’t aware of it myself, but apparently so. Eru said the same thing as well. “Shouldn’t you be thinking about yourself more, Aru?” But personally, rather than saying that I’m prioritising other people, I think it’s more accurate to say that I’m putting myself in second place. If we’re talking about it in terms of extremes, then I guess it’s like I want other people to be happy before I am happy. That’s why I want Atom-kun, and Rui-kun, and Eru, and of course you, to be happy.

E-Eh? W-What’s wrong? Did I say something strange? Every one of us needs to be happy? I see. You’re right. It’s meaningless if not all of us is happy, right. I’m sorry. I know! From here on out, I’m going to make you and everyone happy as well as be happy, myself! Thanks for caring about me. Let’s continue to make many happy memories. *laughs* Anyway! Let’s eat! It’d be a shame if our food gets cold.

TRACK 8: Our Hearts Are One

There. I finished washing the dishes. Is there anything else you need help with? Hey now! No overworking yourself! Leave the things located in high places to me. Fuu, I wonder if everything is done now. I ended up entrusting lots of things to you today so in fact, I’m the one who’s sorry that this is pretty much all I can do to help out. Then, since everything has been cleaned and put away, let’s take our time to relax for a bit.

*yawns* Sorry, I’m starting to feel sleepy now that I’m full. I’d like to stay over for the night very much but... Thing is, no one is at home today so Mayuge is all on his own. I mean, Eru also has a night shoot, right? Also, it seems that our parents will be home late so it looks like there’s nobody else but me who can take him out for his walk. I’m sorry... Even though it’s our anniversary... Will you let me stay over next time? Thanks. Then, I guess I’ll head off before I end up dozing off.

Ah...! Hey! ...I-It’s nothing! I’m going to get ready to pack up right away, okay!

☆★☆

[2:14]

Thanks for today. I’ll come over again to hang out, okay. Ah, right. Before I leave... Here. This is for you! A present. Why don’t you open it? I thought about giving you a couple ring, but because I wanted you to use it in your everyday wear, I chose a barrette. I’m glad that you like it! This barrette has a gemstone called ‘orange sapphire’ attached to it, but it makes your dreams and wishes come true and allows you to think positively. For some reason, I get the feeling that I need it more though. But if your dreams come true, then that will make me happy too.

*laughs* You’re putting it on right away? Ah! Then, do you want me to put it on you instead? It’ll be difficult for you to put it on yourself, right? Come on, turn around. Can you put your hair up just a bit for me? ............A-Ah! Sorry! I spaced out for a bit there. Th-Thank you. Then, I’m going to put it on you, okay. Let me know if it hurts. Hmm. Okay! I did it. Mhm, it suits you!

[4:17]

Wait. Don’t turn around yet. I’m sorry. That we aren’t able to stay together the whole time. Truth is, I also feel sad. We finally got to be alone together like this, and yet... we’ll have to part again. This might not be manly of me to say, but during the times when I’m unable to see you, I always think of you. “I wonder what she’s doing right now.” “I want to see her soon.” “When I see her, I want to hug her and kiss her.” I would think about all those kinds of things. But with that said and done, I’m unable to put those thoughts into actions. That part about myself is no-good. But even so, I love you. I truly do. I won’t tell you to forgive me. But let me apologise for making you feel lonely. I’m sorry. *kiss* Hey. Face... this way for me. I’ll come to see you again. I promise. *kiss* Even when we are apart, I will always love you. *kiss* Fufu, I’m glad I was able to see your cute smile at the very end. I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay. Good night. *kiss*

[killyoshikage]

hunnyheart replied to your post “[[MOR] heres to me rambling i guess ok so yall gotta remember jotaro...”

I think the reason why ppl kinda change who Jotaro is in fan stuff is bc no one really likes his actual canon self (like why people draw/write him as a good dad for Jolene). People like the fan ver. more than the real ver. (Idk about the Kakyoin and others) but ya. I love Jotaro art that makes him a good dad and stuff bc i like to imagine thats how it was (like i also like to think Kosaku-Kira was in love with shinobu so i love that kind of art and writing too)

Oh yeah I totally get that. I just really wish people explored Jotaro the other way, instead of changing his personality to something that serves well to ship stuff. I’ve never really seen content where Jotaro actually has struggles with emotional balance/lack of it. There’s so much subjects and issues people could explore with it, for example if he ever were in a relationship (in part 3) chances are he would still be struggling. Someone with emotion issues can and will experience difficulty in expressing affection or even feeling it, or if he has emotional disbalance there are high chances he will be rude or get angry even at his partner.

Same thing kind of goes for Jotaro being a dad, the fanart is super nice and all but there’s hardly any content that discuss the issues he has with his daughter and people have a strong tendency to overly romanticize the actions he’s done.

[dorkforty]

So last week was, as so many of them are, a damn fine week for funnybooks. But this was a particularly good week, one that saw the release of what might just be my four favorite current comics. And while none of them quite managed to earn that elusive five-star rating… If that’s not a hook for this week’s column, I don’t know what is…

Kill or be Killed 20 by Ed Brubaker, Sean Phillips, and Elizabeth Breitweiser

The latest Brubaker/Phillips joint draws to a close this issue with an ending that’s not entirely satisfying, but rather brilliantly executed nonetheless. Things pick up right where they left off last time, with Dylan (Our Vigilante Hero) bleeding out in the snow after taking a bullet for Detective Sharpe. Everything fades to black on page three, but considering that he’s also Our Narrator, I wasn’t entirely surprised when I turned the page, and…

The story moves on from there, with Dylan slowly recovering and Sharpe covering for him out of gratitude. I wasn’t sure I completely bought that motivation for her, but there’s also a sting on the Russian mobsters who tried to kill them, and some other business involving a crooked cop, so I wrote it off as Brubaker twisting the knife on vigilante morality one more time. It’s also a nice play on the “Spider-Man No More” story Sean Phillips referenced with this issue’s cover.

In that story, Peter Parker gives up being Spider-Man, fed up with all the trouble it causes him, only to return to his double life after being reminded of why he started fighting crime in the first place. Here, Dylan gives up vigilantism after nearly dying, only to be brought back in when Sharpe tells him that the cop who set them up is being released into witness protection because of a plea bargain. From there, Dylan rededicates himself to the cause and moves forward, getting better at what he does and even changing up his look to something a bit more comic booky.

I mean, it’s hardly a spandex super-suit, but it’s decidedly more… design-conscious? …than the book’s been up to this point. The cool factor of that outfit was almost funny to me, to be honest, and I wondered if the book wasn’t heading toward some dark, terrible irony. An ending that made you feel good about Dylan’s vigilantism while simultaneously demonstrating that you very much shouldn’t. But something didn’t feel right about that. Though I could certainly see the book going there, it’s also the kind of bitter dark comedy Brubaker usually leaves to guys like Garth Ennis. It would be more like Brubaker to make his point more directly, by pulling a fast one with an unreliable narrator or something. In fact… Wait a minute…

Hasn’t he established that Dylan’s lied to us before?

Oh.

Oh.

OH.

So, yeah. That’s EXACTLY what Brubaker’s doing. And he pulls it off so well that I fell for it, about 96 percent. But something was nagging me about it, and in looking back over those pages, I can see why. Phillips and Breitweiser leave us plenty of visual clues that we may not be looking at reality. There’s that slick new vigilante costume, for one thing, but there’s also a change in how the fantasy pages are colored. The palette’s just as rich as the rest of the series, but Breitweiser’s laying in a lot more textures in that sequence. You can see it above, on the hospital blanket in that wake-up page I posted earlier. But anywhere she can, she uses textures instead of just colors. There are weird circular patterns in the trees in a couple of places, and then this page right here…

Holy crap. The background in that panel where Sharpe’s getting the commendation looks like an old four-color funnybook Ben-Day dot pattern. And that big panel at the bottom, with the wallpaper and the carpet and Kira’s shirt… It looks like it was draped in zip-a-tone.

That’s a nice touch. The textures in general give those pages an air of heightened reality, but the zip and Ben-Day effects plant things solidly in the realm of funnybooks, just as Dylan turns into a funnybook hero. It’s a great visual clue that we’ve entered fantasy land, subtle enough that it doesn’t give the twist away, but obvious enough that you know something’s wrong. Even if you only know it subliminally.

So, yes. It’s a brilliantly executed ending, one that upsets expectations and forces you to confront the book’s themes one last time. I can’t complain about it one iota.

Except…

Taken as a whole, Kill or be Killed feels like it had more to say. At one point earlier in the run, Brubaker said that this book would be the longest of his and Phillips’ career. And it’s had a certain thematic and narrative momentum that felt like they were planning to sustain it for a good while to come. Dylan has made vague reference to things that happen later, discussing his vigilante career in longer terms than what we’ve gotten. I’ve felt for a long time that Brubaker’s had longer-range plans for Kira, as well, and (in spite of a closing stinger that I won’t spoil here) her story now feels somewhat incomplete. The story as a whole feels incomplete. Truncated. Cut off. And he pays lip service to that sensation, talking about how life’s just like that sometimes. He even has Dylan apologize to anyone who feels like they’ve been mislead. So he obviously gets it. He knows this ending, good as it is, isn’t as satisfying as promised. But he opted to end the story here, anyway.

Why? Hell, I dunno. Maybe he got bored. Maybe he thought he was starting to repeat himself. Or maybe he just became uncomfortable with exploring vigilante justice as entertainment in the current social climate. I might argue that “crazy white dudes with guns” has become an even more vital subject in the last two years, but I can see how it might make someone eager to move on.

So I get it, too. I do. And Brubaker has done maybe the best possible job of wrapping up Kill or be Killed without the deeper examination promised along the way. So I’m not really complaining. I’m just… feeling wistful, for the story I had been anticipating.

Stray Bullets: Sunshine and Roses 36 by David Lapham

Exactly halfway through this issue, Sunshine and Roses passed the 10000-page mark. That’s impressive. The original Stray Bullets made it just shy of 1200 pages, spread across 41 issues, but Sunshine and Roses has been far more of an epic, focused intensely on one story that takes place in-between two other stories from that original series. It’s still sprawling, don’t get me wrong, with a huge cast and lots of character depths to plumb. But the action’s still rolling out directly from the events of the earliest issues. It’s… well, like I said… It’s impressive.

It’s especially impressive that Lapham can still expand the web of this thing to ensnare brand new characters worth remembering. But that’s exactly what we get this issue in the form of Love Yourself, a bad ass rasta gangster who saw the error of his ways and switched from selling hard drugs to psychedelics. Love’s a hippy samurai philosopher now, still a criminal, but one who looks out for his neighbors and tries to do the right thing when he can.

In a series filled to bursting with colorful characters, Love really stands out. I liked him almost immediately, and cringed when I realized that he was getting mixed up with the collection of lunatics and bad news assholes who make up the cast of this book. But there he is, caught through no fault of his own in-between Kretchmeyer’s Sunshine gang and Harry’s syndicate. And, oh my, it just ain’t pretty.

But it is awfully damned entertaining, yet another in Lapham’s long line of Tarantinoesque crime shorts, and a really nice place for the modern version of the series to pass a milestone.

Sex Criminals 25 by Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky

So I paid five bucks for a comic about people who have super-orgasms, and I didn’t even blink. I mean, it was 30 pages of story and art, plus five pages of the best letter column in funnybooks. And it’s about a lot more than super-orgasms. It’s some of the best, and most honest, relationship writing I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. The things this book says about love, sex, and trauma are simultaneously funny, moving, and true. So, yeah. Five bucks really doesn’t seem entirely out of line to me.

But, still. As long-time readers know, I am normally not very eager to pay even FOUR bucks for a comic about anything. But I paid five for this without a second thought, and that’s before I realized how long it was.

So let that be a lesson to you, funnybook business: quality is worth paying for.

The Wicked + The Divine 37 by Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie

  This issue features ten pages of empty black panels, counting down the years between the Pantheons of 3127 and 3037 BC.

Yes, you read that right.

Ten.

Pages.

Of empty black panels.

The BALLS on these guys!

Granted, there’s still 23 more pages of story here, and the issue only cost as much as a normal-sized comic.

So it’s not like they shorted us on content in the name of formal storytelling excess.

And, holy crap, was that formal storytelling excess ever effective.

I mean, I kind of rolled my eyes at it a bit at first. Because, you know, it just kept going.

But then I saw that each panel counted down a year…

…in much the same way that last issue’s formal storytelling excess counted down the centuries of every Pantheon in human history…

…and, like I said, it just KEPT GOING.

So by the time we see Minerva reborn after what appeared to be a terrible mishap in the ceremony to fend off the Great Darkness…

…we can share in the obvious horror she’s experiencing.

Because that’s a long time to get left alone in the dark.

And… Plenty of actual stuff happens this issue, too, but honestly…

That’s too good a line not to finish with.

A Lesson in Quality: FUNNYBOOKSINREVIEWAREGO!! So last week was, as so many of them are, a damn fine week for funnybooks. But this was a particularly good week, one that saw the release of what might just be my four favorite current comics.

[thebibliomancer]

Shadows of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 9

Shadows of the Dark Crystal by J. M. Lee because NAIA AND KYLAN HAVE FINALLY TEAMED UP!!’

Last times on book: To defend her missing brother from accusations of treason against the Skeksis, Naia sets off on a journey to Ha’rar. She stops at Sami Thicket where the Spriton are rude to her, she sees some Skeksis for the first time and she’s hype, and she meets Kylan the Song Teller. The next day, Naia defends Kylan from some bullies and against her better judgement, lets the Song Teller join her journey.

Woo! Kylan!

Chapter 11

Kylan and Naia set off together and they discuss a lot of cool lore. So much lore happens this chapter.

Having someone else on the journey lets Naia be the cool, seasoned traveler in comparison so while Kylan gawks at everything in wonderment, Naia is like yeah whatev I guess its ok.

Then Kylan asks how the Drenchen fly. Because Naia is a girl but she’s wearing a pack like a man, with two arm straps.

Some more subtle worldbuilding about how wings affect things!

Naia is too embarrassed to admit that her wings haven’t come in yet so she just says that its her dad’s pack. And thankfully Kylan changes the subject because he’s full of questions.

He asks about her momdra (”The Blue Stone Healer” That’s a rad title) and if Naia is scared of becoming maudra.

She laughed. “My family has been the maudren for as long as there have been Drenchen. I’m learning vliyaya, and I’m trusted with a spear and bola. I know Sog blindfolded, above water and below. What’s there to be afraid of?”

But she admits that she would have liked to travel Thra, like she is doing now. But this is also duty and there’s a lot of Thra that’s not on the way to Ha’rar.

So she asks if Kylan has traveled beyond the Spriton lands. And he hasn’t, not any further than where the Dark Wood begins.

And their journey is taking them past the Dark Woods, oh snap. But the song of Jarra-Jen and the Hunter is just a song, right? Naia hadn’t even heard of the Hunter before the previous night. And everyone has heard of Jarra-Jen.

“Songs carry truth,” he replied. “Jarra-Jen was a real hero, and the Hunter is a real villain.”

I see that present tense there, Kylan.

Naia remembers overhearing him saying that the Hunter killed his parents. And Kylan gets frustrated because nobody believes him and thinks the Hunter is just a tale to scare children. Everyone thinks his parents were killed by some forest creature or fell into the river and were swept away.

He even dreamfasted the memory with Maudra Mera, she didn’t believe him and only saw darkness in his memories.

Huh! Another way that dreamfasting can be kept from breaking the plot! I can’t tell whether Mera didn’t see anything because she didn’t believe slash didn’t want to believe or whether the memories were too indistinct and there’s room for interpretation even if Kylan knows what he saw.

Because after what happened, Kylan dreamed the song of Jarra-Jen and the Hunter. Came right into his brain. Neat!

Did he dreamfast with the world in his dreams?

Naia asks if he’s going to Stone-in-the-Wood for VENGEANCE

“I don’t believe in vengeance,” Kylan replied. He looked up. “But I don’t want what happened to my parents to happen to anyone else. I don’t know what I’ll do when I reach Stone-in-the-Wood, but someday, I’d like to find the Hunter and stop him.”

You’re the goodest best boy, Kylan.

Naia teases Kylan a little but it goes zoom over his head because he’s thinking MY PARENTS ARE DEAD. So she changes gears and instead offers that if he doesn’t find what he’s looking for in Stone-in-the-Wood, he should come back with her to the Sog. She could teach him how to throw a bola and he could be the Sog’s Song Teller.

Because they don’t have one. They don’t hold with all them time-wastin’ fanciful stories. Just the historical songs.

Like Mesabi-Nera’s first steps into the Sog.

Hey, lore! And Kylan recognizes it because bards get a ton of skill points.

“Ah, Mesabi-Nara is the Maudra of the Deep, is she not? Blue stone Gelfling, born in the sea, with lungs as well as gills to breathe?”

She invented healing vliyaya!

LOOOOOOOORE!

I love it.

... aw, I just made myself sad. All of this lore may have been wiped out by Jen and Kira’s time.

Then again, if the universe is going to shoot stories into Kylan’s brain, it can do the same for Jen and Kira.

... MAYBE THAT’S WHY THEY NAP SO MUCH! They were reclaiming thousands of trine of lost Gelfling history and lore!

I like this headcanon.

The two Gelfling (best buddies) make camp and Naia goes hunting. She catches this weird furry shrub beetle. Kylan argues that it might be poisonous and Naia is like nah.

“Anything you sniff and still want to eat can’t be poisonous,” she said. “Drenchen motto: Trust your gut.”

But he’s still suspicious because what if thats what the beetle wants them to think? BUT he’s also carrying a ridiculous amount of papers and scrolls and books and he finds a monster manual among the mess. The beetle is a burrowing noggie and its safe to eat if they shuck off the outer shell.

Naia says yup trust your gut and Kylan counters did her gut tell her that if you don’t shuck off the shell you’ll be bedridden for a week?

This is a fun interaction. I like it. Good stuff.

Naia is also impressed that Kylan can READ. Drenchen don’t have books really. Too soggy.

Not only can Kylan read, he can write! With magic! Maudra Mera taught him dream-etching or writing vliyaya.

Sooo. Do the Gelfling not have non-magic writing? I’m unclear if there’s a distinction because Naia calls dream-etching “words that stay” which was the exact same description Jen gave to writing in general.

I guess if you can magically write, you don’t need to learn to do it manually but Kylan mentions he was the only one learning dream-etching in Sami Thicket so its not like everyone can do it!

He stretched his slender fingers and held them over the book, focusing. His hands brightened with a gentle blue fire, and as he moved his hands, delicate spirals, lines, and dots lit the air in the path his fingers took. The shapes he drew settled into the pages, smoldering into deep lines of charcoal black. The enchanted shapes flowed from his fingers like music from his lute, all intertwined in long lines across the pages. It was like an intricate tapestry and so mysterious, for Naia could tell that the shapes were not only beautiful but meaningful.

Ooooooh this is the coolest biz! I love this, this is relevant to my interests!

He wrote about the noggie and Naia. And he points to a specific shape that means her name. He also wrote her words “Always trust a Drenchen’s gut!”

Hee.

Naia says that the Drenchen used to have dream-etchers who left behind some tablets and some stuff written in Old Smerth’s halls but the Drenchen only remember the meaning. The reading and writing have been left behind as not necessary to their day-to-day.

The next day, Naia and Kylan continue their journey. They travel in silence with Kylan still going ‘whats this whats this is it something new?’ and Naia just trucking along.

Then Kylan asks if he can ask about her business in Ha’rar.

Naia frets over how much of the whole situation to tell him and how much she feels like telling him.

“I’m looking for my brother, Gurjin,” she said instead. “He’s a guard at the Castle of the Crystal and he’s gone missing. The All-Maudra is looking for him, too.” And then there was the darkened Nebrie, and the crystal veins in the mud... “I have a message for her from one of her soldiers.”

Kylan asks her if anything is wrong and she doesn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know, but I do know that not everything is right,” she said.”

Except... Kylan somehow vanished while she was deliberating.

Dangit, I was enjoying this dynamic! Don’t leave me, Kylan!

[andwhenthefantasydied]

Netflix probably cast White Light because of white hegemony, but it could work if they frame it correctly

I mean, they probably won’t, but....

I feel the only way to make a race conscious American version of Death Note is to make Light white and then deal with it. Maybe just go ahead and make it a story ABOUT white supremacy.

Look, they most likely cast that white kid instead of an Asian American actor because of White Hegemony. It’s very unlikely that this production will be race conscious at ALL or that making him white was a deliberate decision to make the show more aware of American white supremacy.

Another important caveat here is that all this discussion is in the abstract, as we don’t actually know what the new Death Note will be actually be about, what they changed and what they kept.

But assuming that this is still a story about a super privileged kid that becomes a narcissistic villain who believes he can be the center of the world he’ll create by murdering jailed people, in an American context, that character HAS to be white. Or at least it HAS to be if the creators will accept that race has meaning in the context they’re portraying and to the audience they’re aiming at.

Why? Well, regardless of whether you read Death Note as a “universal” story (meaning a story that could happen anywhere) or as a fundamentally Japanese story (where Japan’s crime rates and their criminal justice system matter and a lot of people have been talking about that already), once you move it to the US, it WILL INEVITABLY CHANGE. The particularities of American society alter the story.

That’s not even touching the change of medium and of audiences, which we can get to later. Just in terms of setting, you need to radically alter the story when you set it in America. Stuff like crime rates and the criminal justice system are very different in the US. We know that the criminal justice system is exploitative and biased against POC, because the entire society is affected by white hegemony. So when you have this story about a privileged kid who murders jailed people and you set it in the US, race is inevitably a factor in the story. So what do you do?

Three options. Keep the original story and pretend race isn’t an issue, keep the original story and find a way to deal with race, or change the story to the point where race isn’t an issue or it is an issue in a very different way.

If you pretend race isn’t an issue in your show, you can cast anyone you want. That means acting like in their fictional little universe of American Death Note, race doesn’t exist. It’ll be the color blind Death Note. In which case they should have kept an Asian American actor, just for the sake of representation of an underrepresented demographic, instead of another white guy, as it doesn’t matter in the diegesis, and out of the diegesis it can give representation. I don’t even know if evil genius Light Yagami would have been good representation, but at least it would have given an actor a job.

Problem with that? Remember the change of medium and of audiences that I mentioned earlier? Well, your Netflix audience watching your Netflix show will call BULLSHIT when you try to do that. Because the US audience KNOWS that race is an issue and it will inevitably resonate with them in that way, even if you avoid it. It’s not just about representation, it’s about a story which will inevitably have racial connotations in the US setting.

That didn’t happen in the original. See, in the original race was nowhere to be seen and privilege was barely a subject. See, the original Death Note, despite its high concept, is just a shonen jump manga and it’s actually thematically pretty shallow. Sure, it’s well written enough that it has very interesting characters and it has enough substance to get some themes out of it, but its essence is being a cat-and-mouse thriller. Their audience was not hoping for a diatribe on Japanese society. It does allow an audience to reflect on a lot of things, sure, but that reflection comes more from the audience itself than from complexity of ideas found in the text. Interpret it in the most interesting way you can, but the text itself is not saying much.

But in the new medium into a Netflix show, it can’t afford to be shallow, and it can’t afford to be colorblind. The former because Netflix has branded itself on smart show, and because modern TV in general is trying really hard to be smart and important art. Golden age of television and all that. So in the current TV landscape, it can’t afford to be shallow if it wants to be respected. Netflix ain’t Shonen Jump.

The latter, the colorblind thing, is because a story about a privileged kid killing jailed people will resonate with the country’s racial tensions, no matter how you try to hide it. You can claim the story happens in an alternate universe where race doesn’t affect anything and it will still resonate with the racial tensions that the audience knows and lives through.

These two things are connected: an audience that expects TV shows to be somewhat complex in their themes will notice that something’s not right when you seem to ignore basic facts of their society’s issues.

It won’t just be the American audience that calls you out on it. All around the world, people know the USA has racial tensions and a white hegemony problem. The show would ring false to them too.

Back to option 2: if you know that race is an issue, you find a way to address it. Make it an issue. HELL, YOU CAN EVEN MAKE IT A MAIN THEME.

2 Facts: a) Light is a villain who is very privileged and whose villainy is the epitome of entitlement. This is a story about a narcissistic privileged kid who kills other people, and even if that’s only minor in the original, in the new context the audience will realize pretty quickly. Again, different audience expectations, we smell privilege from a mile away. b)  People will read race into the story no matter what you do because race is just THAT much of an issue in America.

One solution is to make Light white and DEAL with it. At its worst, it just paints yet another layer of privilege into a character who is supposed to be very privileged. At its best, you can frame the whole thing and make it about white supremacy. Make the entitled narcissistic American version of Light a reflection of the issues of entitlement and inequality that happens in America.

Is there a way to make an American version of Death Note that deals with the fact that race has meaning to the audience AND keeps an Asian American protagonist? Maybe there is, but I can’t think of it in a way that doesn’t change the story. If this is to remain the story of a privileged kid who kills a lot of jailed people, making that privileged kid Asian American doesn’t seem like it deals with the fact that white hegemony permeates America. How do you frame that villain? Is he just part of white hegemony even though he’s not white? is being Asian American not a factor in this kid’s life at all? If so, how is it? Maybe there is a way, I’m not denying that. I’d love to hear about that possible version. But as it stands, I just don’t see that working as well as making the villain a literal representation of white hegemony and entitlement.

Won’t that be gross, seeing a white kid murder a bunch of POC? It will. But the thought of a privileged kid murdering jailed people should already be gross on its own, and that’s what the story of Death Note IS. Kira’s actions should always be kinda gross. He’s the villain.

The third option, of course, is just creating a story so different that the inevitable racial connotations disappear or are very different. Maybe Light could be a not-privileged kid who wants to kill mafia members because his brother was killed or something, and you turn it into a story of revenge. Or maybe he’s a mafia kid and you turn it into a mob story. And a million other ways. But all of those are NOT the story of Death Note.

So is that why new American Light is white?? Naaaahhhh probably not. It’s probably just racist and they didn’t care about anything I just said. But hey, it could work if you frame it correctly.

Now, it could be that Death Note just doesn’t work in America, in which case we’ll find out when it premieres, won’t we?