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brainmaniaman · 4 years ago

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Toxic Craigslist!Roomate Eren/Reader (Headcannons)

I SENT THESE TO MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ACCOUT @ringpop-poppy AND THEY LIKED THESE HEADCANNONS A LOT, SO I'M GOING TO POST THESE HEADCANNONS ON MY TUMBLR. IF YOU WANT QUALITY, AND I MEAN Q U A L I T Y, SHIT PLEASE ON GOD FOLLOW THEM. I am crying and throwing my hands on the table, I cannot express to you how good their account is. I will say this until the moment I DIE they are the BEST blog on this site. Thank u.

so my friend and i were shooting off some headcannons and we came up with this idea and one second i just need a moment to recuperate myself and that's super shitty NIGHTMARE craigstlist roommate eren yeager and when i tell you it has RUINED my life i mean it has RUINED my life.

so like imagine, you're hard up for a roommate and so you hit up craiglist b/c you know the state of the economy is absolute SHIT and you are kind of in a rush. you end up moving into this two bedroom apartment with some dude on craigslist (eren) whose roommate just moved out.

you don't know it but eren can't keep a roommate to save his LIFE. it's because he's just such an AWFUL roommate. like plays videogames all day. homie has a shit ton of money but literally NOBODY knows where it comes from or where he works. he just disappears and comes back he says it's "work" but never actually says where he works.

throws his feet up on the coffee table and shit, doesn't wipe off his feet when he comes into the apartment, leaves cups out, just does not pick up after himself. eats the last bit of your food but gets mad when you do the same to him, uses your extra toothbrushes, just overall leaves a mess.

the worst part? his room is IMMACULATE. he is FULLY capable of keeping clean, he just likes to crack open a can of whatever the fuck he drinks on the couch, throw his feet up on the table, and watch you bend over and pick up stuff in an angry huff with very steely eyes. this man's eyes are on you ALL the time.

for the most part u put up w/ it because you're just that hard up for a roommate, but the final straw is when he leaves his dishes in the sink for like a week straight

you storm from the kitchen into the living room in an absolute angry huff, face scrunched up from anger, and start just laying into him about doing the fucking dishes like "it's just not that hard!"

the entire time you're raving, he just sits back - hands behind his head. "you done?"

stands up, puts all the dishes up - in a way that you HATE that's not even CORRECT because he has studied the way that you put up the dishes like in the few months he's made living for you hell he has picked up on your small habits.

now he's sitting down on the couch again and you're still ranting and raving at him. he looks super pissed off now.

also did i mention the sexual tension between u two is IMMACULATE?

while you're in the middle of raving, kicks over his soda that's on the table and gets it all over the carpet.

now you're pissed and just raving and bitching. because who the fuck does that?

pushes u on ur knees, bends you over, presses his cock into your ass and keeps u there for a second - grabs a rag from the table, stuffs it in ur mouth, and know what this fucker says?

"clean it up. you might want to get further on your hands and knees -" presses his cock into you, which is obviously very hard against u, "make sure to get nice and deep in there"

leaves to go to his room leaving u shook as fuck. obviously u clean it up b/c holy fuck

tension builds up over the next several weeks and u get closer to levi and erwin, ur local next door gays (or roommates, depending on if u ship them or not). levi won't admit it but he loves u a lot and so does erwin.

eren being really unhappy b/c ur spending so much time with the next door neighbors and not letting him terrorize you

starts banging on levi's door one day, demanding to know where u r. levi answers the door. obviously he can see you over levi's short ass head but homie is a real one and is like "she's not here"

"i can see her she's right -"

levi wacks eren several times with the broom until he goes away.

so u come in late that same night and homie is seething. this is where the sexual tension BUSTS.

so u open the fridge bc you're looking for water, right, bent over and he comes in b/c he heard u come in (he's been waiting for u to come back all night).

very stealthily slips behind you, presses his crotch against ur ass, and gives a nice comfortable shove - wedging u in the fridge

reaches over u, his chest pressed against u, grabbing the water you wanted.

sits there with his crotch pressed into u, slowly drinking the water while ur sitting there, squirming, trying to press ur way out of the fridge, but his hips have you pinned there. u don't know why ur turned on but holy HELL you're turned on. ur pressing ur ass into him and everything, trying to grind into him a bit. you claim to do it b/c ur trying to push him off but he knows why you're really doing it. the entire time u r stuck there, water from the shelf above is just dripping on you. it's cold as fuck bro and ur nipples? hard b/c it's cold.

gets halfway through the water and go "i don't think i want to drink it anymore" dumps the other half of the water on u.

you are dripping in water, t-shirt clinging to u. homie is marveling at how tight ur shirt is clinging to you, how cold you r when ur shivering.

pulls you up by the neck from behind and closes the fridge so he can press u against it

he's whispering in ur ear, asking if u had fun fucking the neighbors b/c "you seem like the kind of slut who would enjoy something like that". it's not like that at all but homie is a jealous guy.

oh yeah did i mention he's a jealous guy?

has his fingers in his mouth while he fucks you from behind for the first time, head pressed against your work schedule that's pinned to the fridge, asking you a slew of shit like

"do you like that?"

"i bet you like cleaning up after me like a lil maid"

i mean he is absolutely ROCKING you against that fridge, fingers in your mouth snapping his hips against urs

"you've just been playing coy w me the entire time, i bet u've been thinking about this for months - i know you have. i can see the way u bend over to put on a show for me when you clean up after my mess like a good lil housewife. good girls just don't wear panties like that and bend over not expecting to get fucked. bet you been waiting for this, dirty whore" ext. ext. ext.

thank u for ur time.

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

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"Black Magic" *Part 4*

Whoooooo! Okay alright here's 4, I don't know if I can get 5 up tonight but at least you'll have the whole "day". [you'll see]

YA'LL enjoy this because....it's gonna come crashing down. I'm so sorry. Maybe I should leave it here tonight. Yeah I might.

Also-- WINK! When you see it you'll know. 😉

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@omgsuperstarg

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@gibbs274

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@objection-argumentative

@aprildecker-blog

@lolliepopsicle

@madamsnape921

@stars-trash-18

Part 3

Part 5

-----------------------------

“Well!” he wiped tears away from his face and then yours before he gathered up your trash and threw it away. “ I think that's quite enough of the melodramatic stories today. Now it's time to show you my favorite place,”

He took your hands and let you further deeper into the park. You had never been this deep into Central Park before you don't think you'd ever actually been in Central Park, you've just passed it. You were kind of a shit New Yorker.

“Where are we going?” You asked as he pulled you faster down some steps until you reached what you could only describe as a “Cave”.

“You'll see,” he smiled as you approached the cave. You both walked inside and before you was something you never thought you'd see.

“Oh my god…” You said breathlessly. Are those…?”

“Penguins” You heard a smile in his voice as you stared. In front of you with a long glass tank encased in the stone. It was full of happy, smiling, swimming, penguins.

“How... why….why is this here?”

“Well the zoo is right next door.” He explained. “And they accidentally made the penguin exhibit about a foot outside of the zoo's zoning area. So, while it is technically part of the Central Park Zoo, this one area is completely free to the public. It beats paying $50.” He laughed.

“Penguins are my favorite,” you said softly as you just continued to stare at them. It was true. You loved penguins since you were a little girl and you had no idea why. They were just so cute.

“Mine too,” he smiled, taking his arms and pulling you into his chest from behind. They look so happy. And they're in little tuxedos. Which I highly approve of,” He joked. You giggled in response.

“I like to come here when I've had a really long day or a really bad day in court.” He continued to explain. “And just sit here and watch them; and imagine how much more enjoyable life would be as a penguin. Look at them they're so happy and carefree, not a worry in the world.”

“God wouldn’t that be nice,” You sighed. “No rent, no bills, no annoying job.” you have laughed, giving him a nudge

“And.. They are also monogamous,” He stopped laughing and turned you to face him.

“What?” You stopped laughing as well, giving him a stunned expression.

“Did you know that when a male penguin fancies a girl penguin he will look everywhere until he finds the perfect rock or pebble as an offering to said female. And if she accepts it, then they're together until they die.”

“So.. basically like an engagement ring,” You whispered. Oh god.. what was happening?

“Yeah I guess so they get engaged and married. Without the wedding of course.” He nodded.

“Can you imagine that? I mean they’d be pretty prepared already in their little tuxedos” you laughed, hopefully trying to change the subject getting away from marriage although you didn't really know how. “Rafael…”

Okay surely even if he was under this spell, was there kind of some kind of backstory? Did he think you had been together for a very long time? There's no way he was going to propose after one day was he?

“Don't worry carino, I'm not proposing. He laughed, noticing the panic in your eyes. "I'm not that crazy.”

“Right you laughed and nodded your head. “Of course. Because we've only known each other so shortly….?” You tried to ask in a leading way.

“Right. But if we're being totally honest,” he took your hands. “I think I fell in love with you the moment you walked in the door on your first day.”

You silently gasped.. Could that be true? Was that him making that up in his head? Did he have memories before today? Did he have real memories before today? How far did this thing go? Could he actually really be saying that? Your mind started swimming.

“I..” You looked into his eyes, searching for sincerity. Obviously it was there but you didn't know if it was fabricated or real. But any real form of sincerity was moot at this point. Right?

“Really?” Was all you could say back.

“Yeah,” he smiled while he stroked your hair. “Really,”

That was it you couldn't take this anymore. You Broke down crying once again, and threw your arms around him. You were holding him so tightly, as if he was going to disappear in front of your eyes any second.

“Please Don't leave me, you sobbed. “Please don't leave me,”

“Hey hey hey,” He took your arms and pulled you over to a bench in the cave. Then he sat you down and put both hands on your shoulders.” I'm not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere, okay? Never,”

“You can't say that,” You sobbed. You completely threw any thoughts of keeping this under wraps out the window.

"Why not?” He looked at you quizzically.

“Because….because this isn't real!!” You kept sobbing.

“What…? Baby you have to calm down,” He started getting really concerned.

“I��.” You tried to find the words to explain it without sounding crazy. Then you realized it didn't matter.

“I...my roommate Chloe she's a...well she, she made this...stuff, that I put in your coffee yesterday and it made you think you're in love with me.” You realized you had said explanation a little too loudly, as the very few other people that were in the cave with you gave you strange looks and started to walk away. You looked at Rafael who was just staring at you in disbelief and confusion.

“What are you talking about?” He half laughed. Baby look I don't know what you think you did. But if you're talking about what I think you're talking about--- magic isn't real.”

“Yes it is!” You continued to sob. “I didn't believe it either. That's why I did it. I thought on the off chance maybe it would work but I didn't really think it worked like this” you gestured between the two of you.

“What, make an actual connection between us? Has anything you said to me today been a lie?”

“No” You started to calm yourself down.

“And I can promise you nothing I have done today has been a lie, or fabricated in any way,” He wiped the tears from your face.

“So again, I don't know what you think you did, but my feelings for you are real. The only magic here is the magic of true love,”

“See who says that?!” you cried angrily. “Nobody says that for real, Rafael. Not unless they're--”

“Under some kind of magic spell?” Rafael asked sarcastically

“This isn't funny!”

“Okay so what you're just saying is that tomorrow I'm going to wake up, and just think you're a normal girl and what? Think today was a fluke?”

“No.. you're not going to remember anything.”

“I really doubt that,”

“It's true! Why do you think I said back at Maria’s that I need you to hold on to this day? I need you to remember this day? I wasn’t just saying that to be cute.”

“Okay well I'm taking you seriously now. I'm committing this day to my memory this entire day even with your nutty little break down here.” He took both of your shoulders and looked at you seriously.

“Because I'm going to prove to you that this is not some kind of magic spell. It's me and you and our real feelings. I told you I fell in love with you the day I met you, that was before today. That was three months ago!”

Could that be true? Could this have just fast forwarded the time that it would have taken you to get here? Is he really going to remember this?

“Okay” was all you could say.

“Okay.” He smiled, pulling you into him again and kissing your forehead while stroking your hair. “I'm never going to forget you Y/N. I could never forget you,”

“Okay,” you repeated, believing him a little more this time.

Rafael glanced at his phone. Oh God it's four fifteen already,”

“So…? Do you turn into a pumpkin at 5?” You joked.

“No but I did promise Olivia that I would drop off some paperwork. Do you mind?”

Oh God you really don't want to face Liv again, at the risk of exposing your secret. But what else could you do?

“Yeah I guess that's fine.” You shrugged.

It definitely was NOT fine.

-----

You walked into the NYPD police station nervously, as if you were a hooker doing a perp walk. You hoped that maybe since Raphael had calmed down maybe Olivia would just think this morning was a joke after all. You hoped he wouldn't say anything.

“Olivia!” He walked over to her desk and still had your hand in his.

“Hey Rafa.. what is this? I thought you weren't dating your intern?” She frowned.

“Oh I'm not ... Apparently I'm under her spell,” He laughed.

Oh my God oh my God oh my God what…. Why was he being so flippant about this? Oh God.

“...Excuse me?” She asked him seriously.

“Did you get her in on this Y/N? Pretend that she has no idea about us?” He asked you while still laughing. You wanted to crawl into a hole.

“I don't have any idea about-- didn't you say this morning that you were kidding?” Olivia looked at you angrily.

“What? I don't remember this morning.” Rafael looked confused.

Oh God maybe it was starting to wear off and then forget-me-nots were working oh God oh God oh god….

“What is wrong with you?” Olivia put both of her hands on her shoulders, then she looked at you. “Did you actually do something to him?

What? No, I didn't do anything!” You cried defensively, hoping she would back off.

“Liv back off she didn't do anything. Magic isn't real. What is wrong with you?” Rafael stood in front of you.

“Then explain how you feel right now???” Olivia crossed her arms.

“What are you talking about? We've been in love for months now!”

Oh shit. Oh GOD.WHAT?

“WHAT?” Olivia almost screamed.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to overeat like this." He gave her a look.

“Oh that is bullshit.” She spat, and then looked at you over his shoulder. “You did something to him and I will damn sure figure out what it is,”

“Liv you need to seriously back off,” Rafael increased the space between the two of you.

Liv nodded, but mouthed to you over his head with a whisper. “I am going to figure out what you did and you're going to pay.”

You gulped and looked at Rafael who was still glaring at Liv. “Look Olivia, you need to get over whatever thing you have for me and just let me be happy.”

That was it! That was why she was so upset about this. She was in love with him too. Oh God. You suddenly wondered how accessible that spell that Chloe did was.

“I.. you.. we…” She stammered. “Here's your warrant,” Rafael tossed some papers at her and walked out the door with your hand in his. You looked back at Liv who was still fuming. That can't be good.

----

“Can you believe the nerve of her?” He scoffed as you walked out.

“Yeah totally,” You laughed nervously.

“I'm sorry about her. She doesn't know when to stop beating a dead horse,” He sighed.

“So you know she's had a thing for you? And you've never had a thing for her?”

“I mean there was a time when we first met that I thought maybe something could happen. But too much time has passed and I don't feel that way about her anymore, but apparently she still does.” He shook his head.

“And besides whatever feelings I thought I had for her went out the window the moment I saw

you,” he smiled, pulling you in for a kiss.

“Oh I mean since this morning,” he teased. But you knew he was right on the money.

“Haha. Can we please not joke about it?” You asked dejectedly.

“I'm sorry carino. Let's go get some dinner huh? Forget about this?”

“Yes please” You smiled.

---

He took you to his favorite restaurant Forlini’s and you two had an amazing dinner laughing, talking and discussing Broadway shows.

"Wait so you saw RENT with the ORIGINAL cast?!"

"Yeah…." He lightly chuckled. "I know, I'm super old."

"Oh I wasn't going to say that at all. I was going to say you are so lucky!!!!” You squealed.

“So you've never seen a show on Broadway?” He asked.

“Well...when I first met Chloe she was working as a PA for one of the directors of a show that had just gone to Broadway. It didn't last very long; it wasn't that great of a show. Except for the leading actor in my opinion,”

“Oh really?” he looked at you curiously. “What show?”

“It was called “Leap Of Faith”, I think? It was based on some movie about some televangelist creep con man, who fell in love with the sheriff and his heart turned to gold or some lame-ass thing like that. You rolled your eyes

“Oh really was it that bad?” he laughed.

“I mean, the songs were good and like I said the leading man Raul Esparza was amazing,” You smiled as you sipped your wine.

“Raul Esparza? You know when I was younger, people used to say that I looked like him.” He chuckled as he sipped his scotch.

“Really?? Nah I don't see it. You're way more handsome,” you smiled.

You continued to have a fabulous dinner so fun and easy, you almost forgot it was all fantasy. Before you knew it, Rafael was walking you to your door.

"Well I had a fabulous 'last’ 24 hours with you mi amor,” Rafael smiled.

“Yeah.. me too,” you said sadly.

“You sure you don't want me to come in?” He asked you with mischievous eyes.

“No, you better not.” You wanted so badly to let him, but you didn't want tomorrow to be jarring for him.

"Oh right I might wake up tomorrow and forget where I am," he teased, tickling you. You laughed while he was doing it, but the pain of really knowing he was right knocked you right back to sadness.

"Well good night beautiful. I'll see you tomorrow" He grinned.

"Yeah…." You smiled sadly thinking "not like this,”

He kissed you gently, but you pulled him in for a deep long passionate kiss, desperately memorizing every detail. His tongue, his mouth, his hands, his smell, his skin on yours.

"Wow, I should be under spells more often he chuckled. He gave you one last small kiss, and you held onto his hands.

"....Baby I'll stay if you want me to, you don't have to be so sad," He stroked your hair and gave you a reassuring smile.

"No…" you shook your head silently chastising yourself. "Let him go," you said mentally.

"No it's ok I'll see you tomorrow" you have him the bravest smile you could.

"Ok. Maybe tomorrow when you see you were being silly I'll sleep over," he winked, walking down the hall.

You slowly shut the door and fell down the floor sobbing.

Chloe came running out of her bedroom to check on you.

"Aw honey…."

"I love him Chloe,” you sobbed. “I didn't know how much or even if I really did before today but I really love him.”

“Oh honey. I can make more right now, even a bigger batch so it'll last longer!” She offered.

NO you shook your head sternly. "That's not fair to him"

"Well….it might be,” She gave you a hopeful look.

“What are you talking about?”

“Come on,” She picked you up and dragged you to her room.

She sat you on her bed as she went and pulled an ancient looking book from her shelf. You read the cover: “The Grimoire.”

“I borrowed it from my friend Maggie,” She explained. “Basically it's a master list of spells,”

“And she just let you borrow this?” You gave her a suspicious look.

“I told her it was an emergency.”

“Really?”

“Well! It was. Of the heart. She gets it she’s an empath and a romantic,” She assured you. “Anyway!” She turned to a dog eared page.

“Read” it she instructed.

You read the page: “ ‘Emotion Magnifier’....what is this?”

“It's the spell I used on Rafael.” She smiled.

“...What?”

“It wasn't really a love spell per say,”. She explained. “Those are frowned upon in the witch community. Y'know free will and all,”

“Wait so this didn't mess with his free will?”

“No ma'am! It just magnifies whatever somebody already feels. You just have to zone in on what emotion you want to draw out. So I used amorous feelings on Rafael,”

“So...that means...what exactly…?” You wanted to make sure you understood what she was saying.

“Well since he went so insane this morning, it magnified some already pretty strong feelings for you.” She smiled

“WHAT?!”

Your mind was spinning. Had he really been telling the truth about falling in love with you the moment he saw you? Has this actually just sped up the process of your relationship? Why hasn't he ever said anything? You've never really talked. How was this possible?

"So...what you're saying is…"

"He was clearly already smitten with you darling," She grinned even bigger at you.

"Oh my god….oh my god!!!!" You squealed. Maybe...maybe those feelings would be stronger than any potion, maybe he would remember today.

You went to bed that night with a hopeful heart.

-----

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba fanfiction #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction

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mangozcat · 4 years ago

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𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. lee donghyuck x fem!reader 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. fluff 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. he hates summer. he has such a hatred for leaving his house, spending time in the burning hot sand and doing anything besides playing video games at home. that’s why, when you suddenly show the boy a piece of your mind about how he stole the corndog you ordered from the truck nearby, he slightly warms up to the idea of summer.

𝐃𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎. @marklyxxi nik my beautiful ray of sunshine!! I was gonna dedicate this to you even before we talked about it in our dm’s, to be honest. it’s been such a wonderful ride so far, and why not show that in a story? this story was honestly inspired by my original hatred for making mutuals (mainly because of drama on my previous blog) and how you came along and just made it disappear like k bro I see you. much love babe <3, and if you’re reading, I hope you enjoy!

𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐑. he enjoyed the trips, liked the sun, but he hated the blistering heat and endless girls at the beach throwing themselves at him, and of course, he’d also just rather be inside. indoors had air conditioning and gaming setups. and what did outside have? some tumbleweeds, most likely. not like haechan left his house enough to know.

overall, summer had far more cons than pros, in his opinion.

that’s why, as he was forced to sit out in the sun, staring out at some ocean shore, he felt nothing but annoyance towards his friend. it wasn’t his choice to be at the beach, he was left with no other option when jeno threatened to take away his computer. after all, who would willingly go to some sand-filled land that always burned your feet, had potentially dangerous sea creatures washing up every day, and held very high risk of death by drowning.

yes, because some people do in fact sign up to be a lifeguard, only to stay on their phone the entire shift without a care in the world for that one swimmer struggling to stay above the water. or several, depending on what business days the ocean chose to show up for work.

“you should maybe stop glaring at the water as if it hurt you,” jeno said, an eyebrow raised as he glanced over at his friend. haechan only responded with a short, meaningless hum beneath his breath. rolling his eyes, jeno took a handful of sand and tossed it in the other’s direction, grinning maliciously.

he merely narrowed his eyes, not amused at jeno’s antics. turning back towards the tide, he muttered under his breath about how gaming would be far more eventful than staring at the ocean mindlessly. to which jeno replied with a curt, “then stop staring at the ocean and be productive, you fucking dumbass.”

haechan was, yet again, not amused.

“look,” jeno said blankly, shaking haechan’s shoulders to grab his attention. the boy looked at him, although reluctantly, through his bangs. “I brought you here to help you get out of that house, idiot. not to torture you or bother you, but because I somewhat care about my roommate.”

“yeah, yeah,” haechan said, huffing out. it might not have been jeno’s intentions, but bringing him to the beach alone was bothersome. what was he supposed to do here? all he knew was online, electronic. and suddenly his environment is changed so drastically that it made his head spin.

what was a gamer supposed to do at the beach, with no electronics?

haechan glanced around, taking in the sight of the beach for what seemed like the first time since arriving. there were plenty of people in the water, splashing around joyously. somewhere down the sandy plain was a volleyball net, where children were tripping while chasing after the ball, not mindful of their feet whatsoever. but, every time, they managed to get up, smile, and return to what they were doing. there was a food truck near the entrance, and he smiled to himself at the sight of one of his favorite things: food.

“and of course, I don’t want you to be a virgin forever,” jeno concluded, making haechan immediately groan. he wasn’t a virgin, and jeno knew that pretty well, but it was always going to be a running joke that he was; all because jeno, and several of their friends, thought that he couldn’t dedicate more to a girl than he was dedicating to his games.

maybe they weren’t too far off. simply elbowing his friend in the side, haechan pointed towards the food truck. jeno grinned at the sight, saying, “oh, so now you’re interested in the beach? wow, if only I had known that all it took was food, I definitely would’ve bribed you sooner.”

“y’know, I suddenly don’t want food anymore.” haechan huffed out, glaring at his friend. jeno immediately frowned, holding up his hands in surrender at the genuine look of annoyance on his friend’s face.

“fine, fine!” jeno said, breaking into a smile as he quickly dropped his hands to tickle viciously at haechan’s sides. the boy yelped out, his cries quickly turning into laughs of both joy and pain. haechan couldn’t determine which was more powerful as his brain quickly mushed over at the brain numbing sensation.

“s-stop it!” he cried out, tears forming in his eyes as he clutched at his stomach with one hand while another weakly reached to clasp around jeno’s wrist. jeno simply laughed loudly, continuing his torment. when haechan finally seemed to have enough (mostly because he was whining about how he was gonna pee himself soon), jeno finally stopped.

giving haechan some time to recover from the abuse, jeno waited patiently, chuckling occasionally at his friend’s expense, until finally speaking. reaching his hands back to haechan’s sides, making him cry out even though he wasn’t touching him, he said, “do you promise to attempt to have fun?”

“n-nope!” haechan said, giggling mischeviously as he tested his friend.

jeno simply shook his head, putting his hands on haechan’s sides finally, ready to start tickling again (but with no remorse this time), hyuck immediately cried out, whacking his hands away. whining about how he was “sensitive”, he finally agreed to attempt having fun at a place he despised.

his first idea had been to go to the food truck. if he was going to have fun at the beach, the only reasonable explanation for it would be the endless supply of snacks in his stomach. of course, it just so happened that when he arrived, they were fresh out of what he wanted most; corndogs.

“well, promise over, I tried. can we go home now?” haechan said eagerly, turning to walk towards the direction of where jeno’s car was parked. instead, he was met with the man’s hand on his shoulder, turning him back around with a tsk under his breath.

“nice try,” jeno said, nodding to himself before straightening his expression completely. “but no.”

haechan whined as jeno pushed him, using both hands on his back to force him forward, sliding him soundly. he started ranting loudly, making jeno groan out as he was forced to carry both his mental and physical weight back to where their towels were on the ground.

“it’s actually impossible to have fun at this place, jen,” he said matter-of-factly, even pointing a finger up to further accentuate his point. “it’s hot outside, the water is freezing- and you know I don’t do well in climates where the temperatures are completely opposites at times! -and they’re fresh out of corndogs, and I have no phone!”

when he didn’t hear a complaint or argument from jeno, he turned around. suddenly realizing that jeno had stopped pushing him at one point and that he was ranting to himself, standing alone in the middle of the beach, he nodded. “ok, well that’s not awkward at all.”

he stumbled over to a nearby towel- one that he swears is his -and sat down, leaning back to stare up at the clouds. realizing that was a dumb idea as the sun burned a simmering beam of light right into his eyes, he covered them. seeing red, rainbow colored specks behind his eyelids, he sighed to himself. he hadn’t even been at the beach for an hour and he was already, as expected, miserable and bored out of his mind.

sitting up, he rested his chin on his knees as he glanced around. he could’ve sworn he left a bag with sweats laying right at the end of the towel. jeno must’ve put them in his car, haechan thought inwardly. continuing his inspection, he suddenly spotted it; a gleaming, greasy, yummy looking corndog.

it was just sitting there, in all it’s glory, making his mouth water.

he deserved the snack. he wasn’t too sure why it was there or how it had gotten there, but he, yet again, assumed that jeno had worked his magic to get him a corndog. after all, he did want the boy to have a good time; and what better way than to get him a corndog, like he wanted?

eagerly reaching his hand toward the plated snack, he immediately bit into the food. it tasted good, but yet again, he expected no different.

until, of course, it was whacked out of his hand with a sandal. haechan immediately yelped at the burning sensation erupting on his hand, rubbing at the soft skin. he glanced up at the attacker, eyes widening when he saw a girl standing before him, looking furiously as she eyed, not him, but the corndog laying in the sand a few meters away.

oh.

well, that’s not good.

he hopped up, sending her a charming smile before darting away, panicking inside as he ran to the opposite side of the beach, where he realized his towel was. fucking dumbass, he said in his head, should’ve realized that wasn’t mine at first.

he had many regrets, but taking a bite of that corndog wasn’t one of them. or at least, he confidently said that in his head before realizing that the girl was right behind him. he turned at the feeling of a tap on his shoulder, having to glance down slightly to meet eyes with her. she had her eyes narrowed, arms crossed over her chest, sandal still in hand.

under any other circumstances, he would’ve found the girl attractive. but he had enough common sense to realize that it wasn’t a moment to fantasize when she looked murderous.

“now listen here, you corndog thief!” she bit out, jutting her bottom lip out in a pout as she thought of her words carefully. cute, he thought as her facade dropped for a moment. “that was the last corndog and I paid four of my precious dollars for it, sir, so you better buy me another one.”

“but they’re out!” he whined, annoyed at the thought of obeying her. she suddenly snapped her head at him, pushing close, looking like a snake ready to bite. he yelped, jumping back a short distance before rasping out a, “ok, ok! fine, I’ll buy you another corndog when they make some more.”

jeno wrapped an arm around haechan’s shoulder, chewing a corndog between his teeth as he grinned at the two. they both looked at him, surprised and furious. he only smiled to himself, taking a slow and teasing bite as he said, “sorry, guys, this is the last one.”

and haechan swore he had never tackled someone sooner.

he still owed the girl a corndog, but when she jumped to immediately help him tickle jeno until the corndog stuck to the sand beneath them, he figured it wouldn’t be so bad if he had to come back to repay his debt.

#lee haechan #lee donghyuck #kpop #writing #for nik <3 #fluff #nct dream #nct 127 #nct fluff #haechan

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im-bipolar-but-thats-okay · 4 years ago

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Love, Pt 3.

Like a bad DBZ episode it has taken us awhile to get to the end of my love life. So grab your boo or your favorite Pokemon stuffed animal and snuggle up for my great finale.

The One I Can’t Let Go Why can’t I let go? Well because on paper he is perfect. He is devilishly handsome, actually used to model. He is funny and goofy. He likes all the same stuff I do, Pokemon and Star Wars. He is intelligent and always keeps a good conversation. His smile makes me smile and his laugh makes me laugh. He has a good career and is even going to school. He is my perfect sexual match. PERFECT. He makes me feel taken care of and like I don’t need to worry about anything because he is going to make sure it is okay. He is a good father to his Pitbull, and she is just as adorable as he is. But the demon hurt him. I hurt him. And things were never the same. I don’t fully blame myself. He has a lot of issues, too. When he is upset, he pushes me away. I cannot tell you how many times he has broken up with me. When he is mad, he is cold. He went as far as to call my knuckle tattoos trashy. Asshole, those are one of my favorite tattoos. I could easily fill a notebook with the ways he has hurt me, like the time he abandoned me in New York City. I could easily fill a notebook with the ways I hurt him, like the time I destroyed his apartment. And I could easily fill a notebook about the things I love about him, like the way he always wants to sit next to me at a restaurant and not across from me. Or the way he says my name in Spanish. Or the way he winks at me and it always makes me blush. I even love the story of how we met. Probably should have started there but here we go. I was drunk off my ass, hanging out with a girlfriend in downtown Denton. We had leftovers from our dinner, but we were too lazy to walk back to the car. As we were approaching the venue for a show my friend of a friend’s band was going to play at, I raised the box above my head and said, “Does anyone want this food?” A husky man replied, “Is it poisoned?” The husky man was his friend. There were three of them. They were there to see their friend’s band play. We talked a little but then my girlfriend and I went inside. I was dancing and having fun when they found us. My girlfriend was trying to flirt with him, and I was in my own little world. I had no idea he was looking at me the whole night. Eventually, he bought me a shot and I proceeded to make out with him. He asked for my number and I said no. Instead, I added him on Facebook. For some reason, drunk me thought it was safer to add him than to give him my number. My girlfriend and I disappeared into the night to another bar. He messaged me that he had to leave but wanted to see me before he left. I gave him the wrong bar name, not on purpose. I was really fucked up. But he eventually found me. I was flirting with another guy at a table. He walked right up to me and gave me the most passionate kiss. The other guy stormed off. To be honest, I did not think much of the One I Can't Let Go at first. I really saw him as just another guy who wanted to fuck me. Conceited, I know. The first time we actually hung out, and I was sober, I fell in love almost instantly. He was so much deeper than I had thought. Fast-forward to three years later, so much pain and so much happiness. Most of my family and friends don't like him. Most of his family and friends don't like me. But I don’t care. I still love him. As I type through my tears, I know his darkness is not enough for me to let him go.

The Speed Bump Last but not least. Actually, yeah. He is the least. Fuck him. He dumped me because of my depression/bipolar and my alcohol problems. The last time I broke up with the One I Can’t Let Go it was because we seem to want different things for our future. I actually don’t think he knows what he wants for his future. Anyways, I went on a hunt for someone basically just like him on several dating apps. I even tried Chispa. (Chispa is a dating app for Latinos. Chispa means spark in Spanish.) I met the Speed bump on Bumble. At first, I felt medium about him. His pictures were okay. They showed a goofy side but no clear pics of his face. What really got me was his bio. It seemed like he was actually looking for a real relationship and not just a hook up. We talked a bit but things kind of slowed down. I was connecting more with another guy. When my uncle died from Covid, I was silent on all my apps for a day or two while I cried and took depression naps. Then I started talking to Speed bump again. I needed to not feel alone. The second time around we really hit it off. We started hanging out almost every day. He even took me on a trip to Austin for my birthday. I was slowly falling in love even though we had only dated for 3 months. It wasn’t anything like the One I Can’t Let Go. It was calmer, tame. But for a while it was really nice. I started to daydream about a future with a husband and Spanish-speaking babies again. But things turned dark one night. I got too drunk, big surprise. I made a mistake or, rather, several. He didn’t talk to me for 2 days. When he finally did, I thought we came out stronger than ever. But I guess I didn’t change fast enough for him. Then I started my blog and I think that scared him away too. He dumped me and it was bad. We were at a restaurant! We spent the whole day together. I actually thought we were having a good day, but I guess he was just trying to hold it in, and he couldn’t anymore. I’m still pretty bitter about the whole situation. A part of me feels betrayed and I feel like he was blaming me for a lot of his own issues. I was really hurt by it, but not hurt enough to put a hex on him. Now, I’m going to use this opportunity to be petty and talk shit. First, he had really bad teeth. I actually almost didn’t go out on a second date with him because his teeth were so bad. It really bothered me in the beginning and I wish I would’ve listened to my shallow end that time. I mean, I am horrible at brushing my teeth, but, daaaaaamn, they were bad. Sometimes he pooped without flushing. I witnessed this twice. Like WTF. You are way too old to not be flushing the toilet. His car was really shitty. He had just bought a house, so I guess he didn’t have a lot of money for a new car, but he also had two roommates who paid rent. I just feel like at 30 years old, we should not be worrying if your car is going to start or not. The sex was blah. It was good, but it was very vanilla. And one of the biggest things I struggled with was that his stepped and brother were racist. They dropped the N-word a lot and with the "-er" at the end. He was just okay with it? I don’t fully understand how you can just be okay with it. The first time I heard his brother say that, I was mortified. I was so upset I ran to his room and started crying. I had to call my really good friend who is black but also basically my little brother. He calmed me down and told me to get out of there. The Speed bump told me he wanted his brother to be “comfortable” in his own home, which I guess means you get free rein to be a racist. I don’t know, man. It made it really hard to be around his family though and made me question him. You know what? It was short-lived, but it wasn’t too bad. I think it brought my attention towards my struggle with alcohol, so I guess that’s a good thing. Now that I look back, I'm kind of glad it is over and didn't last long. That is why he is called the Speed bump.

So that’s it! All the guys I have ever dated. The ones I loved and the one I didn’t. Fifteen years of dating and I have made many mistakes. I’ve lived many lives and I definitely have plenty of stories to tell. What is next? I don’t know. We will see. Maybe in a couple of months I will make a new post about the next guy who broke my heart.

#bipolar disorder #bipolar #mental health #mental disorder #mental illness #mental instability #mental health support #love #relationship #relationships #break up #heartbreak #dating

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worldoffanficskpopcpop · 5 years ago

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Bang Chan AU Fanfic Recommendation Masterlist

Hello! Welcome to my fanfic recommendations! If you would like to see other groups or other content in regards to this artist or their group, please click the links below! All of the masterlists/posts I’ve made will always be updated when I find new content or scenarios! Feel free to recommend me some blogs to check out! Also, you like my fanfic recommendations, please like and/or reblog so that more people can see it! I will release more groups as time goes on!

Go Back to Stray Kids’ Main Masterlist

Go Back to All Group Masterlist

Arranged Marriage AU

promise this: Can I learn to love you?

Boxer!Chan

Boxer: Chan needs to know his limits

CEO AU

late office nights: An extremely important project was assigned to you, a new employee in a prospering company. Will all the late nights in the office be spent in vain, or will something good emerge?

Slowly, Suddenly, and Then All at Once: “You lot are way too nosy aren’t you? Well, if you must know, I’ll tell you the story of how we stopped hating each other and became your unofficial parents. But I’m warning you, no interruptions, otherwise the story ends.”

Detective AU

Detective Dumbass: Detective Bang refused to accept any help from the rest of the squad, insisting that he worked better alone - but what happens when he realizes that he does need his team with him?

Idol!Reader

An Aussie Jealousy: Chan feels jealous that you are collaborating with 5SOS

Jealousy: Momo had never been too fond of me and when she found out that Chan and I started dating, it only made it worse. Now, I had to put up with her for almost a month so we could learn the dance to their new song for a stage

You and Me: As a trainee at JYP Entertainment, you are exposed to new things. Such as new music, new styles of dance, and new boys

Mafia AU

Imagine: Chan’s right-hand man needs to learn his place in the gang

Trust: Chan’s patience had ran low with you

Neighbor AU

Love Drunk: Peering through the peephole, you spotted the bent-over figure of what looked like your neighbor, fretfully trying to shove his key into your lock. As neighbors go, you and Chan were, for lack of a better word, friendly. So by all means, this wasn’t the first time Chan came over, but this was the first he came over drunk, dazed and confused.

Royal AU

royal blood : it’s kind of hard to be mean to your soon-to-be husband when he’s one of the kindest people you’ve ever met.

Wounded Hearts: When Chan caught you sneaking back into battle after he had specifically told you not to, he was less than pleased. Why couldn’t you just understand that he wanted nothing more than for you to be safe?

School AU

Bubblegum: Chan is a underground rapper and you’re a too cute chemistry major

Coincidence?: just as you were thinking of leaving because your date did not arrive, another guy sits down instead.

College Muse: College Music Producer!Chan and College Writer!Reader both dwell on each other for some help on a project similar in nature

Competition: Chan’s swim team made it to the finals and you stayed to support him, you didn’t realise your presence would cause such a fuss.

Hidden Comforts: Your hidden relationship with Jock!Chan makes its reveal

Idyllic: (adj.) extremely happy, peaceful, or picturesque

insomniac: in which you meet a music student that is definitely in need of some sleep

Let me love you: he has a reputation in the school and you as a good girl, he hides your relationship because of his reputation and you get sick of secret dates and decided to confront him it turned into an argument, then the two made up.

Muse: You were the Fine Arts major, and he was the Music Composition major. Normally, you’d have nothing to do with the cutie, but as it turns out, you were each other’s muses

nothing like us: You’ve been through countless numbers of miserable relationships. Little did you know, the right one was closer than you think.

not that bad: chan is getting bullied. you’re like “stop that ''. chan is like “hey…. you’re not a mean person despite having a reputation for being cold-hearted

Pretty When you Cry: Perhaps all those special times with him didn’t mean shit. Love and let go

Race: It’s the same every time, you always win the races, but Chan doesn’t give up, until you make it up to him

Rescued: You had an accident while swimming

rubicund : music production major chris really needs a place to live - and you just happen to have a few empty rooms and need a new roommate.

Shunned: you never seemed to fit in at school; you couldn’t understand why. “Because you’re… different” some people said. But how is that a bad thing? You were always alone, at least until he came along.

Stuck: student-teacher au, you get stuck in the library with college prof!Chan

Why Not?: You and bang chan weren’t that close, but you were still friends. Through a series of events, you and him ended up being the only ones in his house without any way of you getting out. It was late so bang chan being bang chan insists it’s fine for you to stay which is all well and good except that you get pretty bad nightmares and can’t sleep unless cuddling something or someone and you had unfortunately left your human-sized stuffed bear at your place.

Single Father AU

I love you: As a single father, Chan experienced every single difficulty one could imagine. He was frequently frowned upon by others and only could rely on those who were close to him: his eight best friends. As time went by, he learned to ignore those who looked down on him for the sake of his daughter but deep inside, the words, the stares, and the constant questions affected him and he refused to show it. It was only a matter of time when the weight of the burden started to tear him down. It wasn’t until he met you that his whole world found another bright light to cling onto. Even though he feared to say he loves you, you found it easy to love someone like him.

Soulmate AU

Falling For You (So Sweetly): first touch you have with your soulmate causes magnetic attraction to them for a week or so, enough to ensure that you two get together for sure.

Healing Love: You can feel the pain of your soulmate. Additionally when they receive a bruise or cut, you receive the same marking on your skin. When you meet your soulmate, every injury on you disappears, and you gain the power to heal your soulmate with a simple touch

Human Canvas: You were six years old when you got an inkling of what kind of person your soulmate is; they would draw little doodles on their arms all day, and you would draw back. But as an adult, its as if you two are at war with each other, with them covering your right arm with tattoos and you occasionally painting on your left arm for the fun of it.

My Glow: To have a soulmate was one of the finer things in life.

Serendipity: For the entirety of your life, you have had the small, neatly and prettily scripted name inked into your flesh on your left wrist

Summer Love: Chan was your summer love once upon a time, and now you two are reunited by the strings of fate once more

The One: Where everyone has a timer on their wrist that counts down until you meet your soulmate

Street Racer AU

Fast Lane: Chan had pulled you into his world filled with fast cars

Vampire AU

174 years: Chan was frustrated he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror. A kid whose brother broken into his house decided to sit him down and describe his face to him one by one

mistaken: vampire! chan mistakes human! y/n for a vampire

Youtuber AU

Youtube covers: You used to post singing covers on youtube until you got bullied. Yet the person closest to you admires this ‘anonymous’ person’s voice

#Bang Chan scenario #kpop masterlist

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fly-underground · 5 years ago

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six hundred and seventy five: 2019

The annual year in review entry. I’ve written this post nine times, one for every year of this decade. I reread the very first one, from 2010, aloud to my mother the other night. My writer’s voice is so chipper in it, so young. I had just started college. In so many ways, I had barely lived. I was about to list off all the things I hadn’t yet done, as an explanation. But the truth is, even now, having done at least a few of those things, I still have barely lived. I want to remember that, to bottle up that feeling of wistfulness for a younger self, that protective inclination to wait for things to get better and worse, because I know I still need it. There is still so much I haven’t done, so much I want to do. Ways to spend the next few decades, if I’m lucky enough to have them.

Last year at this time, I think I was home alone with Cory. I can’t remember it perfectly. The past few years have blurred together in that regard. Was this the year that Mariah Carey sang badly during Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve? I’ll look it up after I write this. The point is, I welcomed in the new year alone, but not really, and then received a flurry of text messages from my mother and brother and so many friends. January passed in New York for the most part. I went to my favorite bar every week, first with Liz and then with Vivian. I got bad news one night about a fellowship and the next night, I found out that my fellowship paper was selected for an academic conference. I felt like Even Steven, losing one thing, gaining another. By the time I made it back to Boston, for the spring semester, it was the end of the month. That last week became so important, especially in retrospect. I met a man from the past in one of my classes, someone I knew vaguely from my time at Swarthmore. February was about him. And so was March and April and May.

I used to keep details off my blog, because I was afraid of people reading and piecing together the truth. I wanted to be polite and coy. Now, I guess I don’t really know who is still reading this. And maybe I also don’t care. If you know me, really know me, you know what happened. If you don’t, well: in February, this blast from the past man sent me an email about coffee. I said yes and we spent hours together, walking around Cambridge, the pink sky of the new moon above our heads. Then he asked me to go to the Arnold Arboretum. We never went. Instead, we talked for hours in another coffee shop. Uncharacteristically, I asked to see his place and after I met his roommates, in-between bites of fig newtons, he leaned over and whispered: Can I kiss you? His tongue slipped into my mouth in the darkness of his living room. He kissed me again on his doorstep and my head spun on the lyft ride home. I threw up hours two hours later, from the hunger induced migraine. I didn’t eat at all that day, except for the cookies in his house and the lettuce wrapped in turkey at midnight in my bed. Of course I threw up. The next week, we went out again. Later, in my bed, wrapped up in his wiry, tattooed arms, I was just happy. That was when he told me, that he’s an alcoholic and an addict. It should have changed something for me, it should have set off an alarm. It didn’t.

Four days later, he relapsed. He had cancelled and then un-cancelled our date. I met him at a Starbucks and on the T back to his place, our legs touched. I felt bad, terrible in a way that I couldn’t name. We watched some Netflix original reality show and then, in his bed, we had sex. We kissed. He told me about his history of self harm and severe mental illness. I talked about my own trauma. It was not a good date. I couldn’t sleep after. In the morning, after he made me eggs and I realized he would not be going to his next AA meeting, I asked, trying not to cry, Will I see you again? He said of course, and then he backed me into a wall and kissed me with a boyish glee. I felt relieved and stupid. Three days later, he told me he couldn’t make it to my place for dinner. He said that he felt like he had encountered me in the wrong moment of his life, that he couldn’t stop drinking, that he was checking himself into a facility, that I meant something to him. I cried that whole weekend. I barely ate. No one could help me.

It was like this for months. Every interaction between us charmed and hurt me. When he was doing well, I was joyous. Otherwise, I was miserable. I skipped meals. I had nightmares. I cried alone in my room, on walks around campus. I lost weight and inches. I felt like I was dying. Somehow, in that strange internal darkness, I realized I was not okay. I wanted to be okay, more than anything. I felt bad all the time and I was tired of feeling bad. In April, I started seeing a therapist. In May, I started seeing a nutritionist. I went to a support group meeting and read literature about codependency. I felt like it was my fault, my emotions, my own shit. I called my mother and Vivian and Michael. I was defensive about this guy. Addiction is a disease, an addict is not a Bad Person, but he can be a deeply troubled person.

And then, after all of that, one day in May, he told me that he had gotten involved with someone. It was the way he said it. Two weeks before, in his bed, he had asked if he could undress me. I told him then, sitting outside the Harvard Square T stop, that he was a coward. He flinched, like I hit him. I said, I thought I loved you, but you aren’t who I thought you were. I guess, I didn’t really love you then. I also said, I’m sorry if that hurt you, I don’t mean to hurt you. And he told me, his eyes glassy, that I meant something to him. Of course, I knew that. Of course, it didn’t matter.

I skipped some stuff, or I made it seem small. In May, when I went to that support group meeting, I actually spoke in the group. I said, Every day I feel this intense pressure to try my best. I want to be kind and generous and patient and brave and good. But it’s so much work, being that way. Sometimes, I can’t do it. Sometimes, I just don’t have it in me. On those days, I want to give myself permission, to simply try. On those days, “best” is not the goal. The goal is to keep at it, whatever it is. So, I went to classes and socialized and asked for help. I told my therapist in April, that coming to therapy meant that I wasn’t hopeless, that I hadn’t given up on myself. In March, I presented my paper at an academic conference, as a single author. I was also on a poetry panel with Trista, Amanda, Cyrus, and Iain. How insane to be there with them, to be included in a family of poets.

In June, the man disappeared, moved away without a real goodbye. At the time, I was devastated. I can’t describe the feeling of abandonment, but I thought: love is not for me. I thought it through June and July. I went out with a series of inconsequential men. There’s a photo I saved on my phone, after one of those dates. He wasn’t a bad guy, just boring, just rude. I came home and cried until my mascara had spread across my face. I went back to New York in July, and in between visiting with friends and volunteering at camp, I had a hilarious summer fling, not a story just something for friends to gossip about. Even then, I was lonely. I didn’t run away from it, though. I recognized it. I thought, I should keep trying. Maybe I would find a good thing.

August had me dog-sitting and transliterating Sanskrit books and gearing up for the final year of my master’s degree and looking into various doctoral programs. It was also when I went on a first date with this handsome, funny, smart, and unbelievably kind man, who would eventually become my boyfriend— how weird that word looks here, how funny that it means something to me after all these years. It has felt like emotional whiplash, this year, loving two men. Looking back, it should be easy to say oh that wasn’t really love. But that’s not true. I loved two people this year, just so differently. If the first love made me nervous, the second makes me calm. I was on a bus back to Boston after Thanksgiving and the traffic was terrible and I felt an ugly irritation bubble inside me because of my seat neighbor. I thought about my boyfriend then, his easy smile, how he rubs my back when I cough. What a small thing, but I felt lighter just thinking about it. It sounds silly and cheesy, I know. But I don’t want to belittle it, not here. I don’t think I have ever really felt so good to be with someone before. It is so new to me, this joy, this stability. I don’t want to take it for granted.

I wrote in my journal a few days ago, that I’m not sure if this relationship is good because he is so good, or because I have done the work of trying to lead a healthier life. Is this just a byproduct of one or the other? Or, as Liz says, is this what happens when two Virgos come together? I don’t know, I loved a Virgo once before, and I don’t remember ever feeling this light. This is different. He is different.

In September, I went to Denmark for my ten year reunion camp reunion. I started this blog right after that iconic summer, 16 and strangely tan from all that northern sun. From October through December, I applied to doctoral programs. Yes, again. We’ll see what happens. For the first time, I don’t really know what I want in my future, but I’m trying to trust in the universe to guide me there. I know I want love. It’s hard for me to admit that. I used to scorn women who named that in their list of goals, but it’s important, as important as everything else. I want to feel close to someone. I want a life of meaning, even if it just means something to me. I want to write. I hate that I ever stopped doing that. I feel sometimes like I have wasted my potential there, in writing professionally. I hope that’s not true. I am not ready to give this up, this dream that could still turn into something.

Something that I said a lot this year: whatever happens, I’ll be okay. During a depressive episode a few weeks ago, I thought I was losing everyone in my life, that everyone secretly hated me. What I told myself then, was not that I was crazy or wrong, but that I could deal with it. It’s true. If that happened, I could deal with it. But I hate that response. I wish I fought more. I wish I didn’t turn over so easily. Not that I think I could change someone’s mind. But I wish I didn’t just accept the worst case scenario. Anyway, maybe it’s strange even to debate this. The truth is so far from the worst case scenario. In fact, right now the truth is I am so fucking lucky. Ten years ago, I was just a high school student whining on the internet. Today, I am a Harvard graduate student; I am an author; I have a publication list that makes professors raise their eyebrows; people care about what I write and think; there are people who love me, really love me; I am healthier and happier than I ever thought I deserved to be. I worked for this. I earned it. I didn’t give up on me.

I can’t predict anything about the future. I’m always so hilariously wrong. Mostly I hope I never stop trying. 2020 still sounds like a fiction, but it’s real, it’s happening, it’s here. It’s funny, I only ever feel that surprised by joy. I hope that never changes.

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emancipationofa · 5 years ago

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It’s been a while...

My blog seems abandoned. I haven’t written anything in a few months so let's go down memory lane. I'm gonna look through my Snapchat memories to give a more accurate description. Let's start in January. I got off of winter break and gladly went back to school. My first weekend back, I went to a party with Kyler and Abby. We went to this guy Iman’s apartment and got drunk. I met his roommates Jenny, Reece, and Hannah. That night I asked Iman to fuck but luckily he was too drunk and he said no. I also asked Kyler and this guy named Julius if they wanted to fuck. And this was after I gave them all lap dances. I gave him my Snapchat as I was leaving and told him he better text me. That night I went home and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. For the rest of that week, I waited anxiously for him to text me. He did... a week later. He said hey and he apologized for not texting me sooner. Eventually, we started texting all day every day. He was the first person I talked too when I woke up and the last person I talked to before I went to sleep. He was always on my mind. I didn’t see him again for 2 weeks. The night of my school's homecoming dance he made a comment about going I said he should. I had no idea if he was really gonna show up. But he did. When he walked through that door, my heart dropped to my asshole. I looked good but he looked even better, even though his outfit was so simple. At the end of the night, he invited me back to his place and I obviously said yeah. I went back to my apartment, changed, and then walked over to his. I don’t really remember the night from what I do remember, it was fun. The next night, I came over again but I brought my roommate because one of his guy friends liked her. It was another fun night. We all drank and went to Meijer. We all walked around drunk as fuck and he picked out a bag of avocados for me because I couldn’t choose. We went back to his place and decorated cookies. I drunkenly tried to make an I out of sprinkles and it looked horrible. As soon as I handed him the cookie, he licked it and ruined the I. I wasn’t even upset in the slightest. For some reason it made my heart soar. Another week passed and we hung out again. he came over with his friends and we had a movie night. We watched a semi-scary movie which was hilarious because we talked about movies the night before and he told me how he didn’t like scary movies. Then he came over again the next night and we burned some love notes that my ex-girlfriend gave me. (Sidenote: He and my ex-girlfriend were roommates at one point and they messed around for a while.) It was therapeutic and I was so happy that I did it with him. That same night, we laid in bed talking and watching Tik Tok’. I read his tarot cards and they came back shockingly accurate. When he left, I cried because I missed him. I think it was because I was on my period but who knows. After that, I started to cry every time he left because I would miss him. a few days later he came over and we drank together and I told him that, so he started to call me every time he left so I wouldn’t be sad. After that, we started to hang out constantly. I mean like at least twice a week, sometimes every day. I started to let him in. I started to fall for him. Then tragedy struck. It was his birthday. The day started out amazing. My roommate and I made him breakfast and then we surprised him with a cake. It was a simple cake but it made him cry. and then I gave him the rest of his presents from me. After that, we sat around for hours until it was time to go to his place. Everything was great until I got a text from him. all it said was “Landin is coming”. Landin is the aforementioned ex-girlfriend. We aren’t on the best of terms so to know that she was coming wasn’t the best news. But it was his birthdays. Fast forward a few hours and shes there. The party going on and it's great. Then Landin asked if we could talk. I stupidly said yes and we went into a room. The conversation started off calmy but then we started screaming at each other and all I remember saying is “stop telling me you love me. Just let me move on and be happy”. I left the room crying and after I calmed down, I went and laid down in Iman's bed. After that things got weird. I apologized to him for that happening at his party and he said it was fine. Then later he told me that his roommate told him some things that I said during the argument because she was in there. Apparently, I told my ex to leave Iman alone and that I wanted him all to myself. That doesn't even sound like me so I highly doubt that I said that. But he didn’t know if it was true or not and that why he came to me. He told me that he didn’t like me like that and that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. It hurt my heart but I knew that he didn’t like me. I guess hearing it just solidified that for me. Weeks later we were still hanging out consistently. Every other day or so we were together. I tried making my feelings go away but they won't. My mom forced me to move back to my hometown because she thinks if I’m home I can’t catch the coronavirus. The day I left was heartbreaking. He came over and spent hours with me. I teared up a few times but I didn’t really cry. He gave me one last hug and as soon as he went to step out the door I broke down. I felt my heart break. He turned back around gave me another hug which made me cry even harder. And then he left but not before screaming I love you to me at the top of his lungs. My roommate hugged me as I cried and helped me take my stuff to the car. So yeah. That been my life for the last few months. Crazy, confusing, and heartbreaking but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I won't disappear again blog, I promise.

#blogger #blog post #daily blog #teen blog #teen #college #confused #heartbreak #daily post #anonymous

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fromherlips · 5 years ago

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you’re gonna live forever in me

did y’all REALLY think my ass wasn’t going to do something for this? i remember thinking that 2019 was so far away when i finished ‘in your atmosphere’ and now it’s here and i’m here and we’re here and i can’t believe that time has passed like this. in full disclosure: this is completely self-indulgent. i haven’t written anything in almost a year but i couldn’t resist. so, here we are, pals. many, many years later. happy end of nyfw!

New York Fashion Week was a spectacle that Eva had dreamed about since she was a kid. Growing up, it was a week long event she strived to be a part of, someway, somehow. She wanted to live and breathe the same air as the editors and buyers, cramped in the corner in standing room only or sat in the frow, brushing shoulders with fashion’s elite. It happened twice a year and determined trends, styles, moods, personalities, and so much more.

Eva’s first fashion week was just two weeks after she moved to the city. She didn’t know a single soul, but went to shows to cover for her boss, an influencer with enough clout to land her in the front row. Eva sat rows behind, not important enough to land a coveted seat, but she was just happy to be there. Things were different now. Seats were filled by Instagram following and not status in the industry, but she was stuck in the whirlwind of Manhattan (despite subletting a closet-less room in Crown Heights). Eva was left taking notes on her phone, geared up to write a review for her boss’ blog after their next show, typing furiously on her outdated iPhone (by New York standards) in the back of a luxury Lyft while they carted off to the next show.

By the end of her first day carting around from show to show and trying to keep up with her new boss who didn’t talk very much–not even on her Instagram Stories–but seemed to know anyone and everyone at the shows and events they attended, Eva was exhausted. She collapsed onto her stiff mattress, the cheapest she could find on Wayfair without blowing through the meager savings she had from college, too tired to go to the fridge to get water and heat up the pasta she had made the night before, and too burnt out to talk to her roommates who were perched on the couch watching whatever they were binging on Netflix at the time.

With her clothes still on, Eva rested her hand on her cheek, careful not to transfer any makeup onto her comforter. She squeezed her eyes shut, the feeling she’d been trying to suppress for months creeping up. It came to her in the moments when her guard was down, when she was too tired to fight the thoughts that plagued her mind. But in her moments of weakness, her mind always traveled back to the moment in his bedroom, both crumpled on the floor, sobbing like they’d never sobbed before. Back to the green-eyed, floppy-haired boy with tattoos scattered across his skin, the same skin her fingers had skimmed over, the same skin she felt beneath her, on top of her. Back to the person she loved the most in this world, the only person she wanted to curl up next to after a long day.

Harry was everywhere. There were the obvious places. On the radio when she took cars with her boss (she couldn’t afford them on her own), playing when she browsed through stores while she tried to make friends, on posters around the city promoting their newest single, one that Eva couldn’t bear to listen to anymore. He was in the Chloe perfume she kept on her nightstand, in the threads of her Wildfox sweatpants she debated on donating before she moved, in the sketchbooks she hadn’t touched since she moved. Harry was everything and then he was nothing and Eva was the only person to blame.

She hated that word, blame. But what else was she supposed to call it? She knew it was for the best, somewhere deep down within herself, even if she couldn’t recognize it anymore. But knowing it was right didn’t make it less painful. Knowing it was right didn’t make the image of his face, puffy and red and damp with tears, disappear from her memory. It didn’t make her stop missing him. It didn’t change anything, but it kept her hopeful, even if it didn’t feel that way most of the time.

Eva felt sad and lost and lonely and like she was failing at everything she set out to accomplish. She wanted New York City more than anything she wanted in this entire life. But she knew it wouldn’t be easy. So she cried into her brand new sheets after her first day of New York Fashion Week. She cried for Harry, she cried for herself, she cried for the unknown.

That was the last time she had cried during Fashion Week. Her life in New York still brought her to tears, but she was starting to learn that it was normal in her twenties and the breakdown she had during her fifth month living in the city was a right of passage that she accomplished early on. It took her six months to feel okay with herself, but not once did she doubt the decision she had made to move. She knew the city would knock her on her ass, both figuratively and literally (tequila, stilettos, and cobblestone in Soho don’t mix), but it was worth it, wasn’t it?

By her second spring/summer fashion week the next year, Eva felt confident in herself, in her work, in who she was becoming. She sketched more, she made friends, she invested in a mattress topper to make her sleep schedule less painful. She had also started dating a model (unplanned) who lived near her office (convenient) and had blonde hair and brown eyes and not a single tattoo anywhere on his body. She thought she had loved Paul but when they broke up ten months later because of distance (the irony didn’t miss her), Eva didn’t cry, didn’t dwell, didn’t spend months wondering if it was the wrong choice. She wasn’t angry or hurt or confused, she just felt lonely again in the big city, something easily solvable by brunch, happy hour, or casual movie nights with friends.

By fashion week in 2019, Eva had been in the city for over three years and was still settling into her position at Milly. She loved working as an assistant and adored styling for the now defunct print magazine that likely still owed her some money, but being a design assistant at Milly was everything she could have asked for as a 25 (going on 26) year-old. She was still close with Jillian and her old boss, which is how she somehow managed to score an invite to a Conde Nast party on the second night of fashion week.

She had gotten a dress lent from a PR company thanks to Jill and somehow managed to figure out her hair and makeup on her own. Eva painted her lips with crimson red, a stark contrast from the cobalt blue of her dress and white frothy collar adorning her neck. She’d slicked her hair back for ease (and because it was admittedly a bit dirty), hoping it would stay in place throughout the night so she wouldn’t nervously play with it. She wasn’t sure what to expect from the party aside from free food and drinks and hopefully some entertainment.

Eva spent the first hour wandering around with a glass of champagne in her hand, making eye contact with people she vaguely knew from other events or photoshoots but didn’t speak to out of fear of conversational rejection, something she knew well from living in Los Angeles for so long. It didn’t bother her, she liked the people watching and was just happy to be there, truthfully.

A seemingly familiar face caught her eye, but she figured she was just seeing things. Forever a lightweight, she was already two glasses of champagne deep on an almost empty stomach and was seeing things. Hallucinating. It could have been anybody.

She switched to water and grabbed a few hors d'oeuvres, silently chewing in the corner of the space while she tried to sober up. This wasn’t the night for reminiscing. This was a Conde-fucking-Nast New York Fashion Week Party, for gods sake.

At least half an hour had passed and Eva had made the rounds again after meeting up with Jillian and one of her industry friends for a legitimate conversation on Fashion Week plans and not something superficial (which was gratefully appreciated after her years of fashion week attendance). She was in search of another drink now that she was sure she was done seeing things.

Unfortunately, Eva couldn’t make it to one of the waiters making the rounds before she saw the familiar face again. This time, she couldn’t blame it on the alcohol because she knew it was real. He was alone now, swirling what was left in his champagne glass. He looked the same, yet entirely different, and Eva felt transported to a different time. A time when he was hers and she was his and they were tangled underneath the sheets of her bed in that shitty Los Angeles apartment that was too small for her and her things and their makeshift life together.

She felt nauseous then sad then nauseous again. Was the room spinning? It felt like it was spinning. She wondered if this moment would ever happen, if fate would put the two of them back in the room together (even if fate went by the name of Niall, her meddling friend that wanted his power couple back together). She even thought about what she might say–what she might do–if she was put into this situation. But now she was here in a pretty dress and wanted to bolt as far away from the boy whose heart she broke so many years ago, the boy who wrote a Grammy nominated album on how she’d ripped his heart out, the boy who probably deserved better but also needed to grow up.

Despite the fear and nausea, Eva felt herself walking towards the person she’d never thought she would see again. Did he see her? She thought he looked her way, but he didn’t start sprinting so maybe he’d looked right past her. She was still the same Eva, but her hair was shorter and her cheeks more angular. But then she could see his eyes fixated on her, watching her as she maneuvered through the party guests that seemed to gather in his atmosphere.

She didn’t have a line planned. Was she just going to say “hi” or “hello” or just silently stare and hope that was a sufficient greeting? This worried her as she approached him, her feet planting straight in front of the boy she used to love.

“Eva,” he said, no greeting required. “What’re you...hi.”

She tucked a rogue curl behind her ear, sweeping it back from her chin.

“Harry,” she replied, her lips curling into a sweet smile. “Congrats on the new album coming out in a couple of months. It’s nice to see you back with the boys.”

Congrats on the new album? Is that all she could say?

“I...thank you,” he replied. “It’s nice to, erm, be back,” he told her.

“Right, I can imagine,” she said, her heart thumping harder in her chest. Was she okay? Or was seeing Harry after all these years setting her into panic mode? “You lads are close. But, I-uh...how’ve you been, Harry?”

How have you been? Are you serious, Eva? What the fuck, she thought.

“Same old,” he replied.”What about you? I didn’t, um, didn’t know you’d be here?”

She quirked her brow. “In New York or at the party?”

“The party,” he replied. “Niall...he told me you were here a while ago.”

She nodded. Niall was their unofficial liaison, it appeared.

“I saw that you moved here,” she said. “Those damn trending headlines. Niall mentioned it once or twice or a dozen times as well.”

“Just needed a change of pace,” he explained with a shrug. “I’ve always liked visiting, Figured there could be no harm in living here for a bit.

“It’s a good place to be,” she agreed.

She knew she was staring, but there was something so mesmerizing about Harry. She was no stranger to his good looks and undeniable charm. The thing about Harry was that she still saw him everywhere. She saw his many haircuts, his new tattoos, the shift in his style. She saw his attempt to grow facial hair and the 90s haircut and the mismatched rings adorned on his fingers. But she still took the time to study his face and take him in for all that he was, finally in front of her after all of those years.

It didn’t escape Eva that this was how they first met. Well, kind of. He was drunk and slurring but still trying to be as helpful as he could be. Eva was burnt out and fighting imposter syndrome, wondering what this pop star was doing talking to her in the room full of people who were infinitely more interesting than she was. But now she was drunk (or at least buzzed) standing in front of the same boy in his pastel blue pants and ruffled shirt for the first time since that night in his bedroom, the night that changed everything for them, whether she liked it or not.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been staring, but Eva snapped out of her daze when she heard Harry speak again.

“Coffee,” he said, beginning to play with the rings on his fingers.

“Coffee?” she asked.

“I mean...we should get coffee. Or smoothies. Or…” he stammered, letting his voice trail off.

“I’m pretty busy this week,” she replied.

“Fuck, right,” he swore. “Fashion week...you’re right.”

“But give me your new number and I’ll let you know when I’m free when this week from hell ends,” she added quickly, fishing her phone out of her clutch. She tapped her feet nervously while Harry typed his number in. Niall had tried giving it to her but she didn’t trust herself with it. She’d have one too many drinks and say things she didn’t mean. Or worse, she’d let it sit and rot in her contacts, too afraid of what could happen.

Eva wanted to linger in his presence, soaking up every last second of his aura. But instead, she slipped her clutch back underneath her arm, taking two steps backwards as she waved goodbye, faintly smiling at the boy in front of her.

“Good luck, Ev,” he told her as she walked away, disappearing into the crowd.

It felt like she was walking through a daydream. She could barely register anything around her. She merely grabbed another glass of champagne, pressing the glass against her lips and leaving a deep red stain in its place. She found a semi-abandoned corner of the room, sipping slowly while she tried to process the moment. It was short, no longer than five minutes, but it felt as if she had been standing in front of Harry for a lifetime.

For so long, she wondered what she would say to him, what she would do, how she would feel. But nothing could prepare her for the actual moment when their lives collided again, intersecting like they had when they were nineteen and drunk and tired and two entirely different people.

Their moment was over, but it didn’t feel as such. She felt something in the pit of her stomach, albeit faint, but it was there. It very well could have been the champagne, or hope, or a combination of both. Harry Styles had managed to orbit back into her life, or hers into his, but this time it felt different. She felt different. And that had to mean something.

#i'm a self indulgent piece of shit #i also wrote 90% of this when i was wine drunk and sad #a recipe for disaster #anyways hi guys i'm going to lay down and watch one tree hill now and outfit plan #iya

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traphousebois · 6 years ago

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Fight

Requested: yes

Summary: You and Colby get into a fight about why you don’t go exploring with him. He says things he shouldn’t which leads to you giving him the silent treatment. Eventually ya’ll make up and fluff ensues.

Your Pov:

“I just don’t understand why you don’t want to come exploring with us babe. I don’t know what your so worried about about.” Colby spoke to me with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

I just rolled my eyes. He was so stupid sometimes.

“Because you know I don’t like scary stuff. It’s also just not that interesting to me and can be pretty dangerous.” I retorted back to him with information that he already knew.

He just shook his head at my answer.

“God, I wish you were more confident and outgoing like my other friends.”

My eyes grew wide at his confession. What an absolute asshole he was being. Couldn’t he just accept that fact that I don’t love exploring like he does?

“Well if that’s the case why you don’t you just go and date one of them then?” I asked while standing up from his bed so I could leave. “I’m sure they would just love that.” Sarcasm dripped from my voice as I slammed his door shut.

Screw him. I’ve already explored with him once, wasn’t that enough? Apparently not. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even realize that I had made it to the front door of the Traphouse.

“Leaving already?” A voice asked from behind me.

Turning around I was met face to face with Sam.

“Yeah, Colby decided he was going to be a dickhead and I just don’t want to deal with that right now.” I told him honestly while grabbing my keys from hook next to the door.

Sam nodded in understanding.

“What was he being quote on quote a ‘dickhead’ about?” He asked.

Before I could answer him Colby came running down the stairs.

“Good, you didn’t leave yet.” He said panting slightly.

I nodded to him, deciding right then and there that I was going to give him the silent treatment. This would be going on until he learned that he couldn’t talk to me like I meant nothing to him.

“Welp, I’m gonna go. Give you two some space to talk things out.” Sam awkwardly waving goodbye and disappearing up the stairs.

Once he was gone Colby was the first one to speak.

“I’m really sorry babe. I didn’t mean what I said back up there.”

What a half-assed apology.

I simply nodded at him and made my way into the kitchen to get a drink of water. He watched me with a look of confusion on his face.

“Aren’t you gonna say something back? This is suppose to be the time were we kiss and make up like we always do.” He told me while following me over to the sink.

I shook my head.

This earned a deep sigh to emit from his mouth.

Colby spoke trying again to get me talk.

“I really am sorry for what I said. I don’t know what more you want me to say.”

This boy just doesn’t learn, does he? Reaching up I grabbed a glass cup from the cupboard and began to fill it with water.

“Are you really gonna give me the silent treatment?”

Finally, he got it.

“Fine then, I won’t talk to you either. Two can play at this game.” He smugly said.

I simply stared at him. The cool water feeling good on my warm lips. Once I was done I put the cup in the sink and started to make my way into the living room. Once I found a comfy position on the couch I took my phone and started to scroll through Instagram. It was my guilty pleasure.

As I was scrolling through my feed I couldn’t help but start to compare myself to all the girls I followed. They were so much prettier than I was. Is this what Colby was talking about earlier? Did he really mean what he had said? Did he really wish I was more confident and outgoing? If so maybe I’m not the right girl for him. He has no idea how hard it is for me to put myself out there more. Doing so increases my anxiety. There are so many pretty and confident girls out there that he could easily have. So why would he choose me? A 22 year old girl who stays in every chance she gets and reads books. Wouldn’t he much rather have someone that goes on adventures with him and his friends? Someone that’s outgoing and confident at the same time?

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn’t even realize Colby had taken a seat next to me. I also didn’t his thumb coming up to my cheek to wipe away a fallen tear. “Please don’t cry Y/N.” He said softly pulling me into his arms. “I now realize why your giving me the silent treatment.”

I nodded against his chest not knowing what else to say to him.

“It’s because I was talking to you like shit. I was being a dickhead. I know how hard it is for you to put yourself out there. I should be supporting you instead of putting you down.” He told me while taking in a big breath of air.

“I was so caught up in the fact that the fans wanted to see more of us exploring I put your feelings to the side and I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” He finished off his heart felt speech.

I could tell from his tone of voice that he meant it this time.

“I forgive you, just don’t say anything like that again to me. And as for the fan thing I’m sure they would be fine with seeing us just at home. Chilling, maybe playing a few pranks on the roommates. What do you say babe, wanna bring back the couples prank war?” I giggled at the end.

He laughed. But soon his smile faded.

“What?’ I asked.

“It just makes me so sad that you don’t see yourself in the way that I do.”

“I know and I’m working on that, trust me. It’s just so hard when all I see on my Instagram feed is a bunch of half naked models with flat stomachs and a six pack of abs.” I confessed.

He held of a finger.

“First of all, I don’t want you ever to compare yourself to them ever again. You are unique in your own way and your you for a reason. And besides who cares if there’s more prettier girls out there than you, I don’t want any of them. I only want you. I’ll always want you.” He whispered the last part. His face moving toward mine, probably to steal a kiss.

I nodded and moved my head as while. Once are lips touched fireworks went off. We both smiled into the kiss. It was magical.

We both eventually had to pull away for air. Once we did Colby grabbed my hands and looked at him. His smile growing wider, if that was even possible.

“I think I’m gonna stay in tonight. Sam and the other can go exploring without me.”

My eyes widened. He loved exploring!

“Are you sure?” I asked, not wanting him to do anything that he didn’t want to.

He nodded.

“Okay then, I’m not going to be doing much. Probably watch a movie, order post mates, do a face mask. I don’t know yet.” I shrugged my shoulders at the last part.

He laughed.

“ I’m sure baby. Besides that sounds like a perfect night in to me. You know I love doing face masks with you. I would never miss an opportunity one with my favorite girl.”

And with that he leaned in once more going in for another kiss. That night was one of the best nights I’ve had in a while. We laughed, painted each other's faces and best of all we may have made out once or twice. Just kidding, it was way more than that.

I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend.

Authors note: Hey guys! Hope whoever requested this enjoys it! I actually wrote this in my geography class lol. I hate that class. Anyways this is just one of two imagine that I have going up tonight. The other one has more angst added to it so get ready. I just wanna thank you again for all the love and support you guys have showed me since I made this blog. It means a lot to me. See ya with another one in a couple of hours or if I end of finishing it earlier lol.

#colby brock imagine #colby brock #imagines #TRAPHOUSE #fight #silent treatment #colby #colby imagine #enjoy

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wewillwriteyou · 6 years ago

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Friends Will Be Friends || Chapter 4

A few elements from the main plot: A very special group of friends: early days, drama, laughter, booze, success, rock stars life, girl power, friendship, love, sex, music, misunderstandings, some more drama, family. Pairings in the tags

Summary Chapter 4: Chelsea’s point of view. something goes off with Tom. Brian queen of drama. We realize how this sounds awfully weird but we swear it’ll make sense lol

Word count: 2.3K

Warnings: some angst, some drama, nothing to worry lol

A/N: Here we are guys! Things get interesting in this one, so make sure you got the previous parts (you find the link into the description of this blog) and stay tuned for some more. The best is yet to come, lovelies 💖😏 As usual, if you like what you read, comment, like, reblog and share this with others! Thanks again for the support, enjoy! 💗

Chelsea entered the shop covered in sweat; all the eyes were on her, especially her boss’s, who looked at her so angrily, that Chelsea thought she would have lost her job. She smiled and tried to stay as calm as possible, as she approached the cash desk, while both the costumers and her colleagues, were eyeing her from head to toe.

“Miss Parker, you’re late. May I know why?”

“I–I’m extremely sorry! I didn’t hear the alarm going off and my car didn’t want to start up this morning… please, I swear it won’t happen again!” she leaned on the surface in front of her, while her boss was tapping her fingers nervously. Chelsea practically begged her with her eyes, making the woman sigh loud.

“Fine, but next time, I’ll fire you on the spot, are we clear?” Chelsea let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and thanked her many times, before finally walking towards Mel and Mary to start working.

“Doll! Is everything okay? It’s been a week since we’ve seen each other! What happened?” Mary’s words sounded full of concern, as she caressed Chelsea’s arm gently. Mel was standing next to her, studying the blouse Chelsea was wearing, sure it looked familiar.

“You won’t believe what happened to me last night…” Chelsea whispered, loud enough for Mel to hear.

The three girls got closer, as they pretended to fold some clothes. Mary and Mel were hanging by Chelsea’s lips. She couldn’t help but flush when she thought about Roger.

“My roommate dragged me to a pub to forget about all the situation with Tom, but I got so drunk I almost had sex with a stranger” she decided to be as vague as possible, to avoid further problems. Mel was speechless, while Mary seemed amused.

“By the look on your face, I can say it was worth it, am I wrong?” Mary teased her. Chelsea rolled her eyes and a little laugh escaped her lips.

“And why… I mean… why didn’t you…” Mel was as curious as Mary but too embarrassed to ask her that kind of questions.

Luckily, Chelsea understood what she meant. “Because he didn’t want to take advantage of me while I was so drunk I couldn’t even remember my name… and also, because I threw up on all of my clothes” Mary laughed out loud and a bunch of costumers looked in their direction, quite confused. Chelsea slapped her on her shoulder and walked away, to go help a lady who was looking for a new jacket.

The morning was proceeding, as usual, the three girls were lazily working, constantly checking the clock and wishing it was time to go home. Until, at some point, the little bell on the door rang and Tom entered the shop. Chelsea immediately recognized his voice and tried to ignore him when she heard him asking about her, but after a few seconds, he was already approaching her, with an unexpected little smile on his face.

“Hi” he whispered, leaning against her hear. Chelsea forced herself to ignore the fact that, the last person who did that was Roger. She shook her head and turned around, crossing her arms on her chest.

“Tom. I’m working, what are you doing here?” her voice could cut ice. The smile disappeared from Tom’s face and his sight fell on the ground.

“That’s the first thing that comes to your mind, after not seeing me for a week?” his tone was kind of flirty and left Chelsea confused. She sighed.

“Seriously Tom, what do you want?” she put her hands on her waist, without breaking eye contact. He smiled again, then caressed the back of his neck, nervously.

“I missed you. Look, I know what I said but this week seemed like a year to me… please, Chelsea, I take back everything I said”

“That doesn’t change the fact you said it”

As he got a step closer, instinctively, Chelsea stepped backwards.

Never in a million years she would have imagined hearing such words leaving his mouth and, even if it was terrible to admit, she felt disappointed. A part of her had hoped that he had come to break up with her, but he hadn’t and that made Chelsea feel even worse, because, at that moment, she realized she was the one who wanted to end their relationship.

Not him. Just her.

She immediately thought about Roger and a strong feeling of nausea tied her stomach.

Who was she? What was she becoming?

Before she could stop herself, the words rolled out of her lips.

“There’s someone else, Tom” she remained with her mouth wide open, she couldn’t believe she had said that out loud. And it wasn’t even the truth. Or it was?

Tom looked at her: his eyes wide open, speechless, disappointed, probably angry. He nodded, turned around and slowly walked towards the door. The tears filled Chelsea's eyes and before she could realize it she ran after him outside the shop. She grabbed his arm to block him.

“Please Tom, I didn’t mean what I said. I…”

“You what, Chel?” he got rid of her touch, with a disgusted look on his face “I knew that there’s was something different, but let me tell you, I honestly don’t accept this from you! Who even are you? I don’t recognize you anymore!” he was shouting and Chelsea felt her heart falling in her chest. She realized they were surrounded by curious eyes.

“I’m sorry Tom. I honestly thought we were broken up after the fight we had last Saturday, and when I saw you coming in this morning I was sure as hell you just came to clarify the situation”

“You know why you thought all these bullshit?” he angrily pointed his finger at her “because you’re a coward, you don’t have the courage to break up with me and you were just expecting me to do it! So you could have played the part of the victim, as usual!”

Chelsea knew he was right, but his words cut more than knives and she felt the anger growing in her chest.

“You know what, Tom? You’re right. You’re completely right. But did you ever ask yourself how hard was for me to pretend for all these months? Yes, fucking months” her voice raised more at every word “I don’t love you anymore, Tom. Not in the way I used to, at least… And that’s the truth. I’m sorry” the tears were streaming down her face. Tom’s face was red, as he breathed heavily.

He got closer and Chelsea felt a shiver of fear running in her body.

“Don’t talk to me ever again. When this new guy will break your heart, and believe me, it will happen, and very soon because nobody but me could ever stand your fucking shitty character, don’t come crying to me, because I will not be there for you” it sounded like a threat. Chelsea bit her lip and looked him straight in his eyes.

“Fuck off, Tom” she spat. He started walking away, but suddenly stopped and turned around to ask

“John doesn’t know, does he?”

He grinned when her face revealed the answer he was expecting to hear. She did not answer, and he left.

Mary ran towards her when she saw Chelsea entering the shop again, with her eyes full of tears.

“What happened?” she hugged her, but Chelsea slipped out of her arms and ran to the bathroom.

“Miss Austin, come back to work! Miss Taylor, go and tell Miss Parker to come back immediately, or I swear I will fire her in a minute!” the boss thundered from the cash desk.

Melissa nodded and started to walk fast towards the bathroom when Mary stopped her for a second. “Please be gentle with her, she’s really fragile” she looked so concerned that Melissa felt her heart skip a bit.

She nodded with a small smile, before heading to the bathroom.

When she opened the door, she found Chelsea curled up on the floor, arms around her legs and head resting on her knees. Melissa sat in front of her and sighed

“You know, the first time I saw him approaching you from behind, I knew he was a total prick” she said, getting a little snort from the girl.

“Well he can be” Chelsea lifted her head to look Mel in the eyes. Her face was red and her eyes watery, make up streaming down her cheeks.

“We actually were in love, you know?” she continued, containing a sob “I don’t know what happened but something broke between us at some point. And I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m pretty sure it’s my fault” she said as she started sobbing again.

Mel wrapped her arms around her shoulders and lulled her for a bit.

“Chelsea we’re not exactly close friends and I don’t know the background story. All I can say is that a guy who ruins your Friday nights and gets you yelled at by your boss by putting up a scene in the middle of the shop, does not deserve you blaming yourself”

They were now face to face “Look, maybe it’s better this way. Now that you have closure you can move on. And you should not feel guilty about not having feelings for him anymore. It’s sad and hurtful, but people do change and the best thing to do is move on. Don’t cling to the past. It’s not worth it. It won’t come back anyway” Chelsea could have sworn she had seen a shadow pass through Melissa’s eyes, as she put up a small smile.

“Are you always this poetic? I never noticed that before…” she chose to say “But thank you. I really appreciate it”

Melissa smiled back, and they hugged one last time.

“You sure you’re okay? Mary and I can finish your shift, if you want… I heard you had a pretty… uhm… hard night” she joked and Chelsea laughed, blushing at the reference.

“You are a dear, but I think I can handle it” she smiled gratefully.

They headed back in the shop and worked undisturbed till closure.

As she walked through the door of her apartment that evening, Mel felt exhausted. She crashed down on the couch and brought her hands to her temples. She was still a bit shaken by the whole Chelsea and Tom story, but the main thought on her head was John’s lips on her. She was ashamed of how badly she wanted him to call her and how badly she craved for his lips. She blushed, knowing that nobody could hear her thoughts, and it was probably better that way because her imagination was running pretty wildly.

She laid back for a good half hour, smiling by herself like an idiot and feeling a heat spreading around her body when John’s face popped up in her head. The sound of keys in the socket and voices in the corridor startled her and her smile vanished. Brian and Roger entered the apartment talking loudly before realizing the girl was laying on the couch, hands covering her ears and a disapproving look on her face.

“Sorry, sis… what happened to you?” Roger asked curiously.

“Oh nothing, just a rough day” she replied “I’ll take a shower if you guys don’t mind preparing dinner”

“Don’t mind at all, love” Brian said, rubbing his hand on her shoulder when she passed by him.

“So you were saying you think you know him?” Roger asked Brian when the bathroom door closed.

“Yeah mate, I’m sure I’ve met this guy before, but I can’t remember where…”

“He’s pretty good, though, don’t you think?”

“He’s the best one so far, Rog… please don’t do anything to scare him off”

“Why is it always my fault? And when did I ever scare one of them away? If they were shit at playing bass it’s not my fault…”

“Just saying, please be good”

“Alright, I’ll be good” Roger mocked him.

Suddenly the phone rang and Brian reached for it, while Roger went into his room, closing the door.

“Hello?”

“Hi-” the voice on the other side hesitated “is Melissa there?”

Brian was confused “Not at the moment,” he said hesitantly “who’s this?”

“Uhm… I’m a… ehr… friend”

“John? Is that you?” and all of a sudden, everything was clear. Brian knew exactly where he had seen the guy they had just auditioned to be their new bassist.

“Uhm, yes…”

“It’s Brian, from Smile?”

John on the other end of the phone face-palmed. Of course. He had finally decided to call Melissa and who should have answered the phone if not her brother.

“Oh, hi Brian. Sorry, I didn’t recognize your voice” he laughed a little “Could you… ehr… could you please tell Melissa to give me a call?” and he spelled down his number.

Brian could already see her face light up at the news, but he could also picture Roger’s reaction when he would find out their new bassist wanted to shag his little sister. He had the chance to protect the band from useless drama, but what was more important, he could avoid a huge fight between the Taylor siblings. And he knew how those went down. Not a pretty sight.

He didn’t think twice before answering “Sure, mate. See you on Monday at rehearsal” and put down the phone.

He began to wonder whether he had done the right thing, not writing down John’s number, when Mel came out of the bathroom asking who was on the phone.

Brian smiled “They must have had the wrong number”.

Chapters: ⤎ previous | next ⤏

A/N: Hi again! Hope you enjoyed this chapter 💗 we’re gonna tag the lovely people who read, liked and commented the previous chapters. If you want to be tagged in the next one, comment under this one or leave us a message. Our inboxes are always open for you beautiful people

Tag list: @littledarlingwellaway @its-a-metephor-brian @bohemiandelilah @onevisionliz@misshystericalqueen @loki-lover095 @deakysgurl@inthelapofthe39 @starsoflovingness-wq @minetticatinwonderland@cairdes20 @friendswillbefriendsblog @o-holynight @trash-record-collection @please-stop-me-now @theappleofmybri@marvelsbunch [if your name is crossed out, we couldn’t tag you 😢 please message us, and we’ll sort it out 😘]

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Cheers, folks! ✌💖

#roger taylor fluff #roger taylor smut #roger taylor x oc #john deacon fluff #john deacon smut #john deacon x oc #John deacon imagine #roger taylor imagine #queen imagine #70squeen #fwbf #friends will be friends #wewillwriteyou #deakyswhitequeen #sweetgcreature #bohemian rhapsody #borhap boys

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theycallmebeccawrites · 6 years ago

Text

One Shot: With A Bang

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Title: With a Bang

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: descriptive sex scenes

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

18+ Disclaimer: This work contains sexual material that is for those over the age of 18. By clicking the keep reading link below, you are agreeing that you are over the age of 18 and are not offended by sexual content.

Summary: Your plan to ring in the New Year by yourself hits a snag when your roommate drags you to a party at Avenger Tower then she abandons you. Just as you are thinking about leaving, Steve Rogers appears at your side.

This story can also be read on AO3.

An hour ago, you'd been sitting in the living room of the small apartment you shared with your roommate wearing your favorite sweatpants and t-shirt ready to ring in the New Year by yourself. Still new to the New York area and the whole having a roommate thing, you'd opted to spend the evening alone while your roommate, Sam, went to a party with some of her friends.

You had just turned on the TV to find something worth watching when Sam had returned home with a friend, who'd she introduced as Sam Wilson. The two Sam's had gotten a chuckle over your initial confusion regarding the fact that they had the same name and then Sam Wilson had said to call him Falcon, claiming it was his nickname.

Falcon was more than just a nickname, you'd discovered, after the pair had sent you to your room to get dressed for a black tie masquerade party they were going to at Avenger Tower. That's right; Sam's childhood friend Sam "Falcon" Wilson is an Avenger. A fact they had failed to mention until you'd arrived at Avenger Tower and had been led inside without any questions.

Now, you are leaning against the back wall, watching as the Avengers and their fellow partiers, all of whom are wearing masks, celebrate the final hours left in the year. You wish you had asked more questions of the Sams when they had rushed you out of the apartment, because you've never been comfortable in large crowds, especially those where you don't know anyone.

You haven't seen the Sams since Falcon had handed you a simple, black crocheted mask as you'd walked into the party. It had taken you a couple tries to tie it on and when you'd looked up, they were gone. You'd grabbed a drink from the tray of a passing waiter and then had found an empty space along the wall.

As you mentally calculate how much it would cost you to get back to your apartment, if you could even get a cab, someone steps between you and the light closest to you. You turn your face and your eyes land on a solid chest that is outfitted in a tux that you can instantly tell was made for it. You shift your eyes up and you find a strong, chiseled jaw with a small smirk playing on a pair of kissable lips. A black and white mask conceals most of the man's face from you, but you can see the sparkle in his blue eyes.

"Happy New Year," he says in a low voice that fills your stomach with butterflies.

"Happy New Year," you reply.

For one brief second, you wonder if you shouldn't be nervous, but then you remember you're in Avenger Tower and you're doubt a creeper would take a chance with all of the Avengers in the room. You're pretty sure the Avengers would be called to "assemble!" at the smallest cry for help. A giggle escapes your lips at the thought.

"What's so funny?" the masked man asks.

"Nothing," you reply, blushing. Your eyes flicker over to the large portraits on the wall across from you and you gasp when the roaming spotlight lights up the one of Captain America. You quickly shift your eyes back to the stranger next to you and look at his eyes. They're the same as the Captain's.

"Yes, it is me," he confirms, quietly. "But please, call me Steve."

"Steve," you repeat and a smile pulls on his plump lips.

"What's your name, kid?" he asks as he leans against the wall.

You tell him your name and he nods his head. "That's a beautiful name."

"Thanks," you mumble as your face flushes.

"So, tell me, are you here alone?" Spotting a waiter, he motions them over and swaps your empty glass with another one for you and one for him.

"No." You shake your head as you accept the drink. "I'm here with my roommate Sam and her friend Sam, er, Falcon. But I lost track of them."

"You know Falcon?" Steve asks, surprise in his voice.

"I only met him about an hour ago, but apparently he and Sam have known each other since they were kids," you explain. "Have you seen them?"

"No, I haven't, but I'd be happy to help you look for them," Steve offers.

You let your gaze shift out at the large crowd that is dancing almost as one and you shake your head at his offer. "I think I might just go home," you tell him.

"Why?" He asks.

"This isn't my type of scene," you shrug. "If I'd known where they were taking me, I would have declined."

"What did you have planned for tonight?"

"A quiet evening with a few of my favorite movies," you reply. "And a pair of sweatpants." You subconsciously play with the skirt of your dress.

Steve looks out at the party for a few minutes before he turns back to you and says, "I think your plans for the night sound amazing." He glances back at the partiers. "This whole thing was Tony's idea." He shakes his head. "In fact, he just handed out masks and told us to dress up."

You open your mouth to reply, but stop when you hear your name being called. You turn and see your roommate Sam hurrying over to you, her large breasts swinging dangerously under the tiny party dress she's wearing.

"There you are!" she says, reaching your side. "I've been looking all over for you."

"You found me," you say as Falcon appears with two bottles of champagne in his hands.

"Hey Cap," Falcon greets Steve and offers him a bottle of champagne.

"No thanks," Steve replies. He glances between the two Sams and then looks at you.

"Cap?" your roommate says. "As in Captain Am-"

"This is Steve," you cut her off. "Steve, this is my roommate Sam."

Sam giggles as she shakes Steve's hand and you see Falcon roll his eyes.

"Let's go," he says forcefully. "Steve will take care of your roommate, right?" He looks at Steve.

"It would be an honor," Steve nods.

"Have fun," Sam winks at you as Falcon starts to pull her away. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

You shake your head as the two disappear into the crowd again.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Steve asks you. "I have an apartment upstairs."

You consider his offer for a moment. In a typical situation, you'd say no to a complete stranger who invited you to his apartment, but Steve is Captain America and Falcon confirmed that. Plus, it's not like you're actually going to leave Avenger Tower, so Sam can't get mad at you for leaving the party earlier if you never really leave.

"Sure," you finally answer his question.

Steve takes your half full glass and sets it on a nearby table with his own. Once he returns to you, he places his hand on the small of your back, causing shivers to race up your spine, and leads you to a bank of elevators. He hits the UP button to call an elevator and a set of doors opens almost immediately. He leads you into the elevator and then ignores the list of floors on the right and opens a secret panel on the left side of the door.

You lean against the back of the elevator while he messes with the panel and when he steps back, the panel disappears from sight again.

"It will be just a minute or so," he says as he joins you against the back wall. "How long have you known Sam? The female Sam."

"Only a few months," you reply after chuckling at his attempt to clarify which Sam. "I just moved to the area and she was looking for a roommate."

"That's very brave of you."

"My mother thinks I'm insane," you shrug. "But I've always wanted to live here and I knew I couldn't afford it on my own."

The elevator dings as you reach Steve's floor and he leads you into a homey looking apartment that looks like it belongs in a small brick building in Brooklyn and not in a Manhattan skyscraper. There is a small kitchen with an island that opens into a comfortable living room area that reminds you of your grandpa's den save for the expensive looking TV setup.

"We got to design our own apartments," Steve explains as he pulls off his mask. He tosses it onto the island. "Want me to help with yours?"

"Yes please," you reply, turning around. You feel him step behind you and can feel the heat radiating from his body as he unties your mask.

When the mask slackens, you shyly keep it pressed to your face as you turn around and look at him. You slowly unveil yourself to him and you blush when a wide smile breaks across his face.

"You were beautiful with the mask on," he says. "But you're even more beautiful without it." He pauses. "I don't think I've ever seen eyes as beautiful as yours."

"Thank you," you squeak and then blush harder. "Can I use your bathroom?"

Steve nods and points to the first door on the left. You excuse yourself into the bathroom and close the door. You stare at yourself in the mirror and wonder what Captain America sees in you. But he isn't Captain America, you remember. Tonight, he's just your friend Steve and he wants to ring in the New Year with you.

There is a knock on the door and you open it up to find Steve standing on the other side with a small pile of clothes in his hands.

"It will all be too big," he says. "But I brought you a pair of my sweats, a shirt and a sweatshirt. I thought you'd be more comfortable."

"Thank you!" You take the small stack from him and close the bathroom door. You undo the buckles on your heels and step out of them, sighing happily as your feet hit the floor. You then try to undo the zipper of your dress and that's when you remember that Sam had helped you zip it up earlier. You open the bathroom door and then call for Steve.

You feel your face heat up again as he comes out of his bedroom with a pair of sweatpants laying low on his hips and holding his shirt in his hand.

"You called?" he asks with a grin.

"Can you unzip me?"

He nods and you turn around, thankful your hair is already pulled into a bun and out of the way. Your feel his large hands on your back as he pulls the zipper all the way down. You open your mouth to tell him about the hook at the top of the dress, but stop when he undoes it without your instruction. You cross your arms tightly then turn to look at him.

"Thank you," you say before you go back into the bathroom. You close the door and then slip your arms out of the spaghetti straps of the dress and let the black material fall to the floor. You debate whether or not to leave on your strapless bra, but decide you'll be more comfortable without it.

When you leave the bathroom, a couple minutes later, you are wearing Steve's way too long, baggy sweatpants, a dress-length t-shirt that is hidden under an even longer sweatshirt and a pair of men's tube socks. You carry your dress, shoes and bra with you as you attempt to keep the pants from sliding down. Deciding you need both hands, you drop your stuff onto the floor near the front door and make the mistake of letting go of the pants for a fraction of second and they fall to your feet.

"I made -" Steve's words dissolve into laughter as you quickly pull the pants back up, thankful the extra-long shirts mean he hasn't seen the ridiculous thong that Sam had insisted you wear tonight.

"You look adorable," he continues to laugh.

"We can't all be giant super soldiers," you point out. An idea comes to you and you pull the hair tie from your hair, shaking out your shiny locks as you bunch up the waistband of the sweatpants. It isn't until you've wrapped the hair tie around the bun-like gathering of the waistband that you realize Steve is no longer laughing. You look up at him questioningly and you're surprised to see a flush fill his cheeks.

"I made popcorn," he says, after a second, nodding his head towards the bowl of popcorn in his hands. "Shall we watch a movie now?"

You nod and follow him to the living room part of his open concept living room. With the pants situation taken care of, you are drawn to the windows that look out at the city. The tower is a few blocks from Times Square, but even from this height you can see that people are gathered in the streets below the tower.

"There's nothing quite like New Year's Eve in New York," Steve says, standing next to you at the floor to ceiling windows. "Even growing up in Brooklyn, I always wanted to come to Times Square."

"Did you?" you ask.

"Not before the war, no," he shook his head. "But the first year I was back, or rather, the first year after I was found, I went, but I was by myself, so it wasn't the same."

The two of you stay at the window for a bit long before Steve speaks, "You mentioned you were going to watch movies tonight. Which ones?"

"Whatever I found on TV," you shrug. "There is a classic movie channel that I'm sort of obsessed with."

Steve leads you over to the couch and then hands you the remote for his TV. You smile and turn it on, quickly finding the classic movie channel. "Oh," you say as you lower yourself onto the couch. "It's An Affair to Remember?"

"The movie?" he asks as he sits down near you and you nod. "Is it a good one?"

"It's one of my favorites," you reply. "And it looks like we only missed the first fifteen minutes or so."

"What did we miss?" he asks as the channel goes to commercial.

You quickly give him a recap of how the two main characters, Nickie and Terry, meet on an ocean liner that left New York headed for Europe. You explain that they are both in relationships with other people, but they keep running into each other and have become fast friends.

As the movie comes back on, you fall silent and you both watch the movie.

"Do you mind if I stretch out my arm?" Steve asks quietly.

"No, that's ok," you reply.

He stretches his arm across the back of the couch. He isn't touching you, but you can still feel the warmth radiating from his body.

By the time the movie ends, your head is lying on Steve's shoulder and his arm is wrapped around you. You aren't sure how the two of you got into this position, but you don't mind it. You actually kind of like it.

The grandfather clock in the corner of the room chimes in the New Year, a few minutes later.

"Happy New Year, kid," Steve says.

You lift your face towards him and your eyes close of their own accord when you sense him tilting his down. His plump lips meet yours for a chaste kiss as fireworks light up the night outside the tower.

Wanting to kiss him properly, you shift out of his embrace and raise yourself to your knees. You lick your lips and then lean in to kiss him again. His hands find your hips and he pulls you into his lap with ease. You wrap your arms around his neck as you run your tongue across his lips, wanting to deepen the kiss. It takes him a minute, but he opens his mouth and slides his tongue over yours.

When you part, breathless, a few minutes later, you press your forehead against Steve's. You can feel his hard cock through the combined layers of your sweatpants and you know you need to decide now how far you're going to let this go.

You aren't a virgin, but you've never slept with someone outside of being in a relationship with them and you always made them wait until the third date, at least. But there is something special about Steve and you felt it before you found out that he was Captain America.

Pulling back to look at Steve's face, you inadvertently position your pussy directly over the hard member in his pants. Lust flashes in his now-deep blue eyes, but he says nothing and you know he is waiting for you to decide.

"Where is your bedroom?" you ask him.

"The door behind you," he replies, huskily.

You climb off of his lap and make your way towards the closed door. Feeling his eyes on you, you pull the borrowed sweatshirt and t-shirt over your head then glance back at him as you drop them onto the floor.

He is behind you in a flash, grabbing you by the waist as your hand reaches the doorknob to his room. He presses his thick cock against you, making sure you can feel it as he whispers, "Are you certain about this?"

"Yes."

His bedroom door swings open, but before you can enter, he spins you around and pulls your face to his with his hands on either side of your face. You bare chests meets his as his mouth gives yours a sample of what it is to come.

You lift your hands and wrap them around his neck as his hands drop to your bottom and he lifts you with ease. Your fingers find the small hairs at the back of his neck as he carries you into his room.

He rips his mouth from yours as he runs into something and you squeal as you fall backwards with him falling towards you. You land on his bed with a soft 'umpf' and he catches himself with his hands on either side of you as to not crush you.

A giggle escapes your lips as you look up into his eyes.

"Well that didn't work out the way I planned," he mumbles.

"So you weren't carrying me to your bed?" you ask as you untangle your hands from around his neck and lower them to his bare torso.

"Well, yes, I was," he responds. "But not like -"

You cut him off by leaning up and pressing your lips against his, reminding him why the two of you are in his room.

As you kiss, you feel him lift you with one hand and pull you onto the bed fully.

Pulling away, he leans forward a grabs a pillow for you to rest your head on. He then moves down and undoes the hair tie that is keeping his sweatpants on your much smaller frame. He slides the hair tie onto his wrist and then pulls the sweatpants down your legs, leaving you in just your 'Happy New Year' thong and his tube socks.

You watch as Steve reads what written on your panties and see a smirk cross his face.

"It was a gift," you tell him. "From my roommate."

"I like it."

You grab his hands when he reaches for the waistband of your thong and shake your head. "Take your sweats of first," you tell him.

Climbing off the bed, he keeps his eyes focused on yours as he undoes the drawstring of his sweats. He pushes them down then steps out of them.

You raise yourself up onto your elbows and lick your lips at the sight of his cock, which is standing at attention for you.

Steve grabs your attention as he pulls his socks from your feet, making you fall back against the pillow. His fingers find the waistband of your thong and he quickly pulls it down your legs before dropping it onto the floor, leaving you both completely naked.

He rejoins you on the bed and there is a confidence to his movements that tell you he isn't a novice when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. His hands glide over your body, touching you in places that you never imagined would turn you on, but they do.

You arch your back as his hands pass between your breasts and you feel more than hear his rumble of amusement. After what seems like forever, his hands finally touch your breasts and you bit down on your lower lip as his hands worship your twin peaks. You whimper as his tongue circles one of your nipples and you grab the back of his head as he latches onto your breast with his mouth. Your fingers find the fine hairs on the back of his neck as he switches his oral attention to your other breast and you squeal when he softly bites at your sensitive skin.

Your hands fall to your sides as he moves down your body to the apex of your legs. His hands slid down your legs before he carefully positions them so he can nestle himself between them.

His fingers dance across the tender skin of your inner thighs and you shiver as tingles race up your spin. He slowly draws his fingers in towards your pussy and glides the palm of his hand over your folds, making you cry out in frustration.

"Patience," he whispers against your heated skin. His initial touches are deliberately gentle as he unveils your most intimate parts to his eyes. He drags his thumb up to your clit, making your hips jerk and a moan escape your lips.

His fingers slide across your pussy lips, increasing your arousal before he slides a finger into your vagina. He soon has you mewing as he slides a second digit into you and then, ultimately, slides his tongue through your velvety folds before flicking it against your clit.

Your orgasm hits you and you cry out in a much louder fashion than you ever have before, but you have no control over it. You're slightly embarrassed by the volume until you catch his eyes and see the pride in them. Then the bastard latches onto your clit with his mouth and pulls another loud cry from your lips.

When Steve sits up, he is grinning proudly and licking his lips. He uses his mouth to clean your juices from his fingers and then leans over your body to open a drawer in his bedside table.

You smile as you reach out and run your fingers down the shaft of his penis, loving how it jerks forward at your touch. You run your hand over the tip, spreading the precum down as you hear him close the drawer. You hear him tear open a foil wrapper and he holds the latex circle out for you.

Taking it from him, you roll it onto his hardness and then spit in your hand before wrapping your hand around him. He allows you to pump him a couple times, before he backs away.

Steve positions himself between your legs and then guides himself into you slowly, allowing your body to adjust to his girth. Once he is fully seated, he leans forward and presses his lips against yours. You open your mouth for him as he begins to move.

As his pace increases, your mouths part and he buries his face into the side of your neck. Your hands grab onto the strong muscle of his back and hold on as he thrusts in and out of you, his speed picking up with each one.

His pleasure-filled moan fills your ears as his body jerks above yours. He rolls the pair of you over so you're on top and you quickly move your hands from his shoulders to the muscular eight pack of his torso. His fingers slip to your clit and you lean forward as you ride him.

Your combined efforts soon have you filling his bedroom with your ecstasy as you come. Nearly recovered from his own release, he leans forward and captures your mouth with his, stifling your cries.

He rolls you again so you're lying on the bed and then slides out of you. He presses a quick kiss to your lips and then climbs off of the bed. He disappears into the ensuite bathroom and returns a moment later with a wet washrag and without the condom. He helps clean you up and then pulls back the blankets of his bed as if there is no question whether or not you're staying the night.

You climb under the covers and smile when he slides in next to you. You study his features in the limited light that it come in from the windows and smile. You aren't sure what this New Year has in store for you, but it definitely started with a bang.

Want to find me off tumblr? I’m @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

#chris evans #theycallmebecca #beccaheartschrisevans #theycallmebeccawrites #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #reader insert

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ship-ambrosia · 6 years ago

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A Year in Review for ship-ambrosia - Fanfiction Writers 2018

So I saw a blog I’m a huge fan of do this sort of year reflection of fanfiction writing, and since this was the first year I’ve ever posted my fanfictions, I thought it’d be fun to do!

First off I wanna thank @sweetmemories2606 @allie-and-her-fandoms and @a-fairy-tail44 for constantly encouraging me, being there to bounce ideas off of, also basically being beta readers for me and my hype men... you guys rock. I’m so glad I met all of you.

total number of completed stories

- “Completed” is kind of relative isn’t it? Lol... I have 13 stories posted on AO3, 4 that are on tumblr only, and of those 17 three of them, Heavens Bringer, A Fool Like Him, and Inherit Thunder (previously Heir of Electricity) are unfinished. Three of them are a collection of one-shots from Gruvia, Jerza, and Nalu week, but they’re all so short I’m going to count them as all together.

- There is so much unposted stuff in my backlog that you wouldn’t even believe lol most of it is unfinished though

total word count

- 81000 on AO3. I don’t even want to go and count otherwise

fandoms written in

- Fairy Tail

- My Hero Academia

- RWBY

- Persona 5

- Voltron (behind the scenes)

- Fire Emblem (behind the scenes)

looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

- Let me just say that posting the first two fanfictions, Inherit Thunder (BNHA, kamijirou) and Liberation (RWBY, Blacksun), were totally on a whim. My roommate encouraged me to do it and see what kind of feedback I got on them. Boy am I glad I did. So let me tell you my motivation and progress has been absolutely astounding to me.

what’s your own favorite story of the year?

- This is so hard, because I’ve been in love with all the stories as I posted each of them, like oh yeah this is it this is my best one. Every time lol. I’d have to say though it’s probably The Droplet (FT, Gruvia). Reading my first gruvia fanfiction Four Degrees, and then going to The Droplet, you can really see not only how well my writing has improved, but also how much better I’ve done in understanding Gray and Juvia. Also I happen to find the beginning of it still really sexy lol that was difficult for me, writing a scene that was sexy that was going to be posted for the world to see.

did you take any writing risks this year?

- I think the style that I wrote A Sound Like Thunder (BNHA, iidamei) and Beauty and the Crow (P5, Akeharu) was a different style than um used to, with the story being told in chunks that didn’t quite fit together perfectly but still built off one another. Basically they could have been multi chapter fics but I wrote them like a short story and both of those stories I had to have read over a thousand times because I wanted them to be perfect.

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

- One, to finish Heavens Bringer which I think is very plausible since I’ve been working on the last chapter a lot lately. Another is just to get more consistent with finishing and posting works, because right now it’s just like, here from me every so often and going like a month or two without posting any sort of writing. Maybe even to write less ship-focused works. I love ships but I don’t think all my writing has to be only romantic

best story of the year?

- Certainly one of my Fairy Tail fanfictions, though I’m not sure which. Heavens Bringer definitely has the most effort put in, but both The Droplet and A Fool Like Him (Ft, stingyu) have such in-depth, emotional breakdowns of Gray and Sting respectively and how I see them viewing their primary love interest that I think both of those stories have a fascinating draw. Also, I’m extremely proud of my Nalu Angst week prompts, I go back and re read them all the time. I think some of my best work resides in that collection, most notably the story titled “Miles Apart, Two Inches Away” from when Natsu and Lucy reunite after the post-Tartaros timeskip.

most popular story of the year?

- That’s easily Everything was the Same (Except when it wasn’t), my first Nalu story. On AO3 it has 755 Hits and 72 kudos, the most for both of all my stories. Which I find so funny because I wrote that story in under an hour lol.

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

- Heavens Bringer, by far. I like to think it’s amazing, and my friends seem to love it, but it’s gotten very little recognition. I’d love for more people to read it, and it has all the big four ships and I’ve devoted soo much time to it. But the feedback I HAVE gotten has been absolutely wonderful!

most fun story to write:

Beauty and the Crow, A Sound Like Thunder, or Nalu Angst Week. I hurt so much while writing all three, but I loved it. Beauty and the Crow because Akechi and Haru’s relationship would be just as tragic as I’ve written it, A Sound Like Thunder because iidamei is normally such a goofy ship and I literally almost killed Iida and made Mei Hatsume cry, and Nalu Angst Week because well... painful feels. But I enjoyed the dark places that my writing went.

story with the single sexiest moment:

Haven’t written (read: published) a ton of sexy scenes. I think The Droplet wins for the part where Gray almost pulls off Juvia’s underwear with his teeth, only to be interrupted by their baby.

most sweet story:

- Nuclear Fusion. No angst, it’s straight up injecting Nalu parenting fluff into your bloodstream lol

“holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story:

- Nothing yet?? Maybe hurting Iida and Mei in A Sound Like Thunder. I need to write a goofy fic with the two of them, honestly.

story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

- I’m going to say Inherit Thunder. I used to think of Kaminari as just a total goofball. Coming up with the idea of his parents as villains gave so many deep possibilities to why Kaminari wants to be the “trendy” popular boy or where he could come from, what his motivation for being a hero could be. I could be totally right, or totally off. But it definitely made me so much more intrigued by what Horikoshi could have planned for him.

most unintentionally telling story:

- When you read Heavens Bringer you see exactly what kind of Fairy Tail fan I am. Lol

hardest story to write:

- Heavens Bringer! Lol. Also worked on Beauty and the Crow for a long time, because I couldn’t decide what direction I exactly wanted to take Haru and Akechi - did I want to follow the plot? Did I want to make Haru and Akechi fall in love, or make it a series of moments? Did I want lots of dialogue, or did I want it to be more narrated? It was a lot of stylistic choices that went into that one but I’m totally happy with how it turned out!

biggest disappointment:

- I worked on a Baccana story for sooo long and then I ended up deleting it because it was turning into very cliche, Gildarts-doesn’t-approve-so-he-challenges-Bacchus-to-a-fight and I didn’t want to write a fic that had already been done 30 times (not that Gildarts and Bacchus fighting because Bacchus likes Cana isn’t great... it’s just that most people who like that ship have already written that).

biggest surprise:

- Uhh, Inherit Thunder being as popular as it was received? I’ve gotten dozens of messages asking for a sequel and it’s really an incredible feeling to know people want more of a story. It was originally gonna just be a one-shot, but now I’m writing a second chapter that will probably come out after Heavens Bringer is done.

some stuff in the works for the new year:

- Obviously, Heavens Bringer part 5 and chapter 2 of Inherit Thunder

- Working on several more chapters to A Fool Like Him, it’s basically just all suffering for Sting lol

- A multi chapter Baccana fic AU-ish in which Cana joins Quatro Cerberus during the Tartaros timeskip after Fairy Tail is disbanded

- Multi chapter Gruvia and Gale fic about Juvia disappearing after leaving to search for answers to her origin, leaving Gray and Gajeel desperate to find her

- Stingyu Cinderella/Princess and the Pauper AU

- A Yang x Ilia piece (FINALLY! LOL)

- May eventually clean up and post an experimental fic where I practiced writing combat with Sun and Neptune vs Mercury

- Ryuji x Ann getting together post-canon

- Future Ryuji x Ann single dad Ryuji AU

- Haru x Akechi Military/sort of Fullmetal Alchemist AU?? Idk it was inspired by fanart

- Maybe post some of my Voltron/Fire Emblem stuff eventually? Idk about those

If you read this entire post seriously thank you!! And thanks to everyone who’s read my fics, sent me messages about them, or just talked to me in general!! I love interacting with the communities!!

#random post from bree #bree writes #heavens bringer #the droplet #a fool like him #nuclear fusion #a sound like thunder #inherit thunder #beauty and the crow #fairy tail fanfiction #persona 5 fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #rwby fanfiction #this was so much fun to do #let me know any thoughts you have on this!!#also tag me if you do it too #long post #long text post

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my9percent · 6 years ago

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Hello and welcome to My9Percent! This is my very first scenario on this blog and of course it features my favorite person. I swear it wasn’t meant to be so long but I couldn’t help but to run along with the story line. Please feel free to request, as requests are very, very open right now!

You looked at the brassy door marker and then at the string of numbers in the email. 8817. This looked about right. You took a deep breath and knocked. Even though the agent had been kind enough to give you your pair of the keys, you still felt like it was courtesy to wait for an invitation into your new home.

A few minutes passed and you were about to raise your fist to knock again when the doors opened and a beautiful girl peeked out. Her hair was in slight disarray and she was wearing a long button down. “Oh hey. You must be the new roommate.”

You gave a small smile and held out your hand. “Hi.”

She shook your hand quickly and opened the door wider. “Come on in. Make yourself at home. Your room is upstairs. Yanjun’s room is that away,” and she pointed vaguely down the corridor. Ah. That made more sense. You had thought your roommate would be a guy, given the name but couldn’t help but have your hopes up when you had saw her.

“If you need anything, just call,” she gave a tiny wave and then she was disappearing down the hallway and opening the door at the end of it.

It didn’t really bode well for the future of your co-inhabitance when your roommate had sent his girlfriend out to greet you rather than come out himself but you shrugged it off. You weren’t really here to make friends. You had to focus on your new job, and friends would come in the form of neighbors and coworkers anyway. His was just a convenient place to stay, and at this price, you weren’t about to complain that the main resident of the house didn’t want to make his appearance.

You had thought dinner would definitely be a time to see him, but you were mistaken. Instead, you saw the same girl rummaging through the fridge, her dress shirt riding precariously up her legs. “Everything all good?” she asked as she bit at a carrot stick.

“Yes. Is there a shared bathroom?”

“Oh yeah. It’s by the hallway down your room so it’s convenient. Just so you know, Yanjun likes taking long showers, usually at night, so I’d go earlier.”

“Thanks.”

She shrugged and gave a quick wave again. “See ya.”

You would have spent the rest of the night wondering over this mysterious roommate but you had to prepare for work the next day, and a new environment always made you slightly jittery. When the clock struck ten, you decided you were going to turn off the lights, play some music instead and allow yourself to fall asleep.

The next morning, you smelled coffee as you stepped lightly down the stairs. There was a tall male standing by the counter, watching the drip drop of the coffee machine. He turned to you and you smiled. “Hi.”

“Hello, are you the new move-in?” He had a soft-spoken voice and a megawatt smile. His hand, which he held out to you, was strong and he had a firm grip. “It’s great to meet-”

“Babe!” And before you could even exchange names, he was giving you an apologetic smile and grabbing the steaming mug of morning wakeup call with him. So that was Lin Yanjun. You didn’t dare turn to stare but couldn’t help but grin. It was a shame he was taken.

That was the one and only time you saw him. Taking heed of his girlfriend’s words, you made sure to rush into the showers at six so that any vestige of steam would air out by the time he padded in for his thousand year baths. Despite your curiosity, every time you heard movement downstairs, you resisted the urge to take a peek. It was weird, this hiding from your roommate. But there was something awkward about the fact that he never voluntarily tried to know you and that his girlfriend was always around. In fact, you saw her more than you’ve seen him.

Life became routine as you settled into the home and into your job. One night, you had worked extra hours and were downstairs, nursing a hot cup of tea as you waited for dinner to heat in the microwave. Keys turned in the door and you turned to see a stranger.

He was pulling in a silver suitcase and straightened when he saw you. “Hey,” he smiled and you noticed how deep his dimples were. “I’m Yanjun. Are you the new roomie?”

A thousand alarm bells were ringing in your head. This was Yanjun? “H-hi,” you stammered as you blurted out your name and stayed in your seat. He came forward with his hand outstretched and you couldn’t help but think of the other bright-smile man whom you had greeted a few days earlier.

“Sorry, I was away on a business trip and just got back. I hope Yiwen showed you around?”

Yiwen. That was the girl. You nodded and threw a nervous glance at his closed door. Things were starting to piece together and you desperately wished you were wrong. “It’s a late night. You haven’t eaten yet?” He was still asking you questions but your head was screaming. If things were what you suspected, he wouldn’t be smiling like this any time soon.

“Oh yeah. I worked overtime. Where did you go on your business trip?” You cringed. That was a much too straightforward question to ask someone you barely knew but you needed time. You spoke loudly, hoping the couple inside the room could hear and do something.

Yanjun smiled. “I work with a tech company so this time we went to California.” He stifled a yawn and grinned apologetically. “It’s been a bit of a flight and I do have to go in tomorrow. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, get to know you properly?”

“O-of course.” You watched with a sinking heart as he flashed you another grin and started walking away. You grabbed your bowl from the microwave and walked upstairs, shutting the door so that you wouldn’t hear the drama that could possibly ensue in the next few seconds.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” And that’s when you knew, as soundproof as the walls had been the last few days, it wasn’t enough to cover someone’s anger and hurt.

“You have to let me explain,” you heard Yiwen cry, but he cut her off. “Really? My best friend?” You winced. It was a bad drama playing in front of you and you wanted nothing more than to not be there. It took a good half hour for the front doors to slam close and seconds later, you heard a glass shattering on the floor.

It wasn’t your place but knowing the pain of betrayal too well, you couldn’t help but feel for your new roommate. You tiptoed down the stairs, peering over the railings to see that he was slumped in his chair with a beer on the table.

The chair made a squeak when you slid in but he didn’t react. Silence fell onto the room, punctuated every few minutes by a loud sniff. The clock on top of the oven clicked minute by minute until finally, Yanjun looked up.

“I’m assuming you knew. You must have met Zhengting.”

“I- I didn’t know who he was. I thought-”

“That he was me?” There wasn’t any anger in his eyes, and if anything his lips quirked into a wry grin. “Figured. You never asked for his name?”

“I only saw him once and he didn’t tell me his name so I just assumed.”

“Must have been quite a shock when you saw me then.”

It amazed you, how calm he was. His eyes were red and his nose was swollen but other than the tear streaks on his cheeks, you would never have guessed what had happened just an hour earlier.

“It’s probably my fault.” His hands began to play with the beer bottle; his fingers twirled it so that it tipped precariously. “It’s been conference after conference the last half year. And you know what they say. Loneliness usually breeds another source of comfort.”

“It shouldn’t be like that,” you murmured. “It should be enough that the other person exists and will be coming back.”

Yanjun shrugged as he flicked the top off the bottle. “That’s what I thought too. But I guess not.” You watched his Adam’s apple move up, down as he chugged half of the beer. “You should sleep. Sorry. This wasn’t how I thought our first meeting would be.”

When you remained seated, it was he who stood up. “You don’t have to feel bad. I should have known. The signs had been there. But you really should sleep. We both have work tomorrow.” Only when you heard his door close did you take in a deep breath and finally allow yourself to go upstairs.

It wasn’t out of sympathy or innate goodness that you wanted to stay with him a little longer. It was because you knew how it felt to have someone betray you with another person you trusted. Your heart ached a little for him but you also knew he would have to go through this by himself, or he would always feel the need to have an emotional crutch. You sighed as you turned over to your side. Maybe it would have been better if you had never met your new roommate.

The next morning, you saw a pile of sheets in the hallway and a pile of clutter. When Yanjun saw you, he asked, “Do you happen to have another set of sheets? She used them all. I couldn’t even sleep in my own bed last night.” He was speaking in a deadpan voice. His words came on too fast and he looked terrible.

“Yeah. You should have asked last night.” When you came back down, he was crouching by the wall and you walked past him to put the sheets in place. You fluffed out his comforter and reached to his dresser for his cologne to spray down everything so all that was left was his scent.

Yanjun was standing in the doorway, watching you with crossed arms. “Why did you do that?”

“You’re going to need to have some serious self-care the next few days. I won’t interfere too much but I’ll do what I can.”

The cold exterior that came up every time he was trying to control his emotions slipped a little. “Thanks. I do appreciate it.”

“What do you usually have for breakfast? It’s seven. You should eat something before work.”

“I’m fine,” he started but you glared at him. “Okay. Eggs, and bread, with butter, and I like orange juice too I guess.”

You couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “You said you didn’t want, and when you did open your mouth, you have such a tall order.” But you were joking because even though you’ve only known each other for less than a day, your heart went out to him.

When you came home, it was pouring. You saw Yiwen standing outside the door. She was pounding and shouting Yanjun’s name. Before she could see you, you quickly turned the corner and stayed behind a tree. You shivered as the water soaked you through.

Suddenly, the downpour stopped. You looked up and saw an umbrella over your head. Yanjun’s eyebrows were furrowed as you stared at you. “Why are you just standing here? Come on, let’s head home.” He steered you gently by the elbows. Try as you did to dig your heels into the ground, he still managed to get you to walk towards home.

You had expected him to pause, or to react when he saw the girl still pounding on your door but he walked on determinedly. His arm went to your shoulders and you felt a twinge of discomfort. “Excuse me,” he mumbled as he forcibly pushed her out and unlocked the door.

“Yanjun, please, can we talk?” But he was already shutting the door firmly in her face.

“It’s pouring outside,” you murmured.

“So? I didn’t ask her to stand out there.”

There was a coldness in his voice but you knew from the way his jaw clenched that the punishment was as much for him as for her.

“You should talk it out. Find an ending.” It was already past your boundaries but the words fumbled from your mouth anyway. He turned to stare at you furiously until he deflated.

“Is there really anything to talk about?”

“Of course.” You moved to walk up the stairs. “At least give yourself the chance to say goodbye.”

You didn’t need to look to know that he opened the door and talked to her. You didn’t go down the rest of the night.

The next week passed much like your first five days did; there was no visible sign of your roommate anywhere. It was only in the residual steam of the showers and the empty mug in the sink. For the most part, he was out of the house by the time you woke up and then inside when you came back. You didn’t know if this was coincidence or if he were deliberately avoiding you.

To your surprise, you came home one day to find a meal on the table and Yanjun sitting there. “Hi, care to join me?”

You placed your bag down on the sofa before making your way to the dining table. “I haven’t exactly been the best roomie, and I still haven’t properly thanked you for taking care of me before.”

The gesture was sweet. “You really don’t need to thank me. All I did was give you your space.”

“Yeah, and make me breakfast, make sure that my dishes were cleaned, as well as kept food in the fridge.” He raised a brow. “So this is thank you.” You smiled and picked up your chopsticks.

Dinner with Yanjun became routine. Sometimes you cooked, sometimes he did, and other times one of you would bring something home. You understood. There was a void in his life and he had to fill it somehow. It didn’t bother you because you realized how much you enjoyed his company. The more you learned about Yanjun, the more you realized how fascinating he was.

He had hopes and dreams but was also realistic enough to pursue them with a limit. He was well-read and liked to tell jokes, puns so cryptic you sometimes had to stop, stare and think for a while before you smiled. He would ask you questions that forced you to reveal more of yourself than you wanted but you found that you didn’t mind. Coming so far away from home was to leave part of your past behind, and in this roommate, you had found someone you wanted to keep in your future.

But even when you found yourself falling slowly for him, you allowed it to happen at a leisurely pace. It wouldn’t do to open your heart too quickly to someone who had just had his closed. So you didn’t let it rush to your head. Instead, you just wanted him to be well.

It was a Saturday night when you realized how dangerous this feeling was. There was a knock on your door and for the first time in three months, Yanjun appeared in your doorway. He was looking this way and that, every which way but at you. “Hi.”

At your greeting, he finally looked up and gestured with his hands. “I don’t usually do this, and I hate doing this, but there’s a party at work. And she would be there. I was wondering if you…”

“Could go with you?” The invitation wasn’t as exciting as you had expected it to be.

Yanjun looked almost ashamed. “Yeah.”

“Sure, why not? I don’t think it would succeed at making her jealous though.”

His eyes widened. “That’s not why I wanted you to go.” You gave him a deadpan look. In the past three months, you had gotten close enough to understand each other’s thoughts without words. “At least, that’s not why I would choose you of all people to go.”

You didn’t want to think too much on his words. You had already decided you would go for him; it was only your on-sided feelings that made things complicated. “It’s alright. How long do I have to get ready?”

“The party isn’t until nine. You have time, and we can always go late.” He lingered at the door and you gave him a small smile.

“Yes?”

“Oh. I should probably leave you to change and stuff. Don’t worry about wearing anything too fancy. I want you to be comfortable.” You nodded and couldn’t help but feel your heart flutter when you saw him awkwardly shuffle away.

There was nothing in your closet remotely “sexy” or eye-opening. That wasn’t quite your style. Instead, you opted for a simple black halter dress and twisted your hair into a low knot. Yanjun was tall so you decided to hell with comfort. You were going to wear your four inch heels.

He was rolling up his sleeves to his elbows when you appeared in the stairway. Almost magically, Yanjun looked up and you saw his eyes widen. His gaze traveled from your face to your dress and then back to your face before he finally saw your shoes. Immediately, his elbow was out and ready for you to hold when you came down to the landing.

Even though flirting did not come naturally, you couldn’t help but tease him. “So, how do I look, roomie?”

He cleared his throat and you realized then that you had never seen him flustered. “Beautiful. You look absolutely stunning.”

You blushed and tried to draw away but he tightened his hold. “Come on. You’re wearing such high heels. Let me take you to the car.”

The party was at a restaurant and there were people milling about. Most of the employees had friendly expressions when he introduced you but some looked uncomfortable. It was clear soon enough why. Yiwen was sitting at a table with Zhengting trying to pry the glass from her hand.

“Will you stop drinking already? There’s no sense in getting drunk and upset when we were the ones who messed up.”

Yanjun’s entire body stiffened. Despite working at the same company, he hadn’t seen Zhengting since the night of the incident. And now, to see the two of them at once have been still too much despite all his preparation. You hovered near him, not willing to gather attention to yourself but also wanting to be by his side.

You saw him take a deep breath and then his hand was out and reaching towards yours. You allowed him to wrap his fingers around your palm. He tugged you forward as you passed by the pair and into the crowd in the middle of the room.

The music was playing and there was soft music. Yanjun didn’t let you go. “Do you mind dancing with me?”

You nodded, even though your heart was telling you that this was bad for your feelings, and that he really just needed to use you as a shield. He pulled you a little closer into his space and you could smell the sweet scent of his cologne. From the corner of your eye, you saw Yiwen glaring at you. If Yanjun could tell, then you supposed he had succeeded.

He had been gone for too long. You wandered to where someone had vaguely pointed out the bathrooms were but paused when you heard angry voices.

“If you think bringing along the new roommate would make me jealous, you’re crazy. I know you would never touch someone like that.”

“One, I have no intention of making you jealous. And two, that “someone” is actually a person I care a lot about.”

She scoffed and you saw her shadow step closer. “Yanjun, don’t think I don’t know you. I know your type, and it’s definitely not her. And even if you are sleeping with her, you and I both know it’s just to spite me.”

Those were all petty words. It was natural she would be saying them. But that didn’t stop them from hurting you a little. Each sharp syllable scratched at your heart. They moved and you saw Yanjun catch your eye. Immediately, you turned to go. This was enough. You had done your job.

You missed the panicked expression on his face. “Wait! Let go of me,” and it was Yanjun running after you. He caught your wrist and overcame you, leading you to his car. You struggled, trying to get out of his grasp but he held on firmly. “Let me take you home first.”

The ride was utterly silent and you took the time to collect your dignity. It was important to remain calm, to pretend like your reaction wasn’t out of hurt. You waited patiently for him to unlock the door and tried to step past him to go upstairs when his hand caught your shoulder and he spun you to face him. It was all so movie-like but the pain you were feeling was much too real.

“I didn’t bring you to make her jealous.” He didn’t give you a chance to speak or to refute. “I brought you because you gave me strength. I brought you because there was nobody else I wanted next to me when I confronted her. I did it because I do like you and I wanted to start bringing you out into my life.” His hands didn’t leave you but rather than the tight grip on your shoulder, they fell to your elbows. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Goosebumps rose on your skin and you stared at him, not saying a word. His touch was both soothing and also nerve-wracking. “Do you mean it?”

Relief replaced the anxious look in his eyes. “Yes. I do. I do really like you and I should have found a more romantic way to say it but this is the best way I could; by letting you stand by me.” He bit his lip and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Lin Yanjun, you owe me then.”

“Then date me and allow me to make it up to you.”

#idol producer #idol producer scenarios #nine percent #nine percent scenarios #lin yanjun #lin yanjun scenarios

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fictivewriters · 7 years ago

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like the seasons, you are

pairing: yoongi x genderfluid!reader

genre: angst, minor fluff

word count: 1,715

summary: You’ve just come to terms with being genderfluid, but you aren’t sure how to tell your boyfriend, Yoongi, who you’re practically in love with.

You weren’t sure how to tell Yoongi.

You hadn’t really been sure of what you’d been feeling for a long time actually. It wasn’t until one of your closest friends had told you about gender being a form of expression that you really began to question yours. Your friend lent you some of their textbooks they’d been using for their psychology class and your mind had been blown.

There was so much that you hadn’t known before. Sure, you could have learned all this through the internet by simply looking it up on your phone, but there was something about holding a book in your hands that validated how you felt. It was real. It was solid. It wasn’t some abstract thought a guy high on fumes had theorized about on a backway chat room.

It was a real life thing written in a real life book that you could feel and touch with your actual hands and it was real for you.

You’d finally figured out that sometimes you felt like a girl and other times you felt like a boy. You were okay with it. It was a feeling that you’d always had, but never really expanded on until you bought your first pair of boxers. They’d fit you nicely. You liked the feeling of them on your skin. Other times, it felt weird and that’s when you’d slip into the underwear your older sister had helped you pick out from Victoria’s Secret. Some days, you couldn’t even stand to look at them. You’d thrown away a few of your underwear that were bland colors when all the frustration that was building up within you overflowed on your off days.

Those days were when you avoided Yoongi. He generally wasn’t one to pry, but with the way you’d been acting lately, it was only a matter of time before he pushed you for an answer. You’d once even gone on a date with him while wearing your favorite pair of boxers and a lumpy hoodie that hid your curves. Yoongi had said nothing, simply held your hand through the movie and walked you up to your dorm room before he’d swept your hair out of your eyes and wished you a good night. You’d murmured it back in response watching as he pivoted and walked down the hallway you two had just come from. As soon as he had turned the corner, you’d disappeared into your dorm, rushing past your roommate who was passed out on the couch and slamming your bedroom door behind you. You’d let out a relieved breath, glad he hadn’t noticed how stiff and awkward you’d been throughout the entire date because you’d been worrying about him somehow finding out about your choice of underwear.

It’s been like that for some time now. You’d avoid Yoongi’s messages for days as you struggled with who you wanted to be (and with school) and when you did meet up, you’d act so strange around him that he probably thought you didn’t like him anymore.

“Rose-ah,” Yoongi’s voice rings out, dragging you out of your thoughts and back to the present.

“Huh?” You hear yourself murmur.

“Is it true?” He asks.

“What?” You blink, utterly confused about what your boyfriend is asking you.

Yoongi sighs and shifts in his seat. You’re both sitting in the living room of his tiny apartment. The place isn’t much, but it’s Yoongi’s and that’s what matters to him, and to an extension, you. He’d called you over that day to study, saying he missed you, and you’d shown up. It wasn’t every day that Yoongi said those words. He was very reserved, never letting on how he really felt, and when he did, you felt a warm rush of affection. He never showed how he really felt, but he made an effort for you and that was only one of the reasons why you liked him so much.

“Rose. Are you pulling away from me because you want to break up?” Yoongi asks.

Your spine straightens as you jolt in your chair. “Excuse me?”

Yoongi looks at you, his lips pulled into a half pout and an indescribable look in his eyes. “Rose. I’m being serious.”

“I’m being serious too!” You let out, surprised at how high your voice had gone when you spoke. “I don’t understand why you’re asking me this.”

Today, you want to tack on a “hyung” to the end of your sentence, but if you did, then your secret would be blown. Yoongi would know that sometimes you’re a man and other times you’re a woman and he’d find you weird, a freak, and break up with you. You hold back your tongue, afraid of what might happen and stare at the older man in the room, waiting for him to speak.

“You don’t understand…?” Yoongi trails off, rubbing a hand over his face as if it pains him just to talk to you. “I don’t understand why you’ve been avoiding me for the past month. Every time we’re together, you’re always so hesitant to touch me, to talk to me. To look at me. What’s going on, Rose-ah?”

You gulp, a bead of sweat beginning to form at your hairline. You debate telling Yoongi about your latest discovery and tangle your hands together when you realize that you’re wearing your favorite pair of boxers again. For the past week, looking at your Victoria’s Secret panties had made you feel a bit ill when you got ready for the day every morning. You worry that Yoongi will break up with you if he learns about how you’re feeling and you don’t want that. You really, really like Yoongi, love him really, and you don’t want him to be out of your life. You squeeze your eyes shut and huddle in on yourself atop Yoongi’s couch. Yoongi sits on the armchair opposite you, but the second you recede into your shell he’s quick to curl around you, his arms encircling your shoulders, pushing your hair out of your face as your breaths turn into heavy pants. You’re not sure what’s going on, but you know that you should tell Yoongi. He has the right to know about your feelings if he’s worried you’re going to dump him.

You’d never dream of breaking up with Yoongi. He’s such an amazing person that you two being together still baffles you. He’s pretty, pretty in a feminine way with his weak chin, the large slope of his nose, his upturned lips that are always pulled into a pout, and the bags under his eyes that only make the rest of his pale features stick out. But he’s strong and he never takes shit from anybody. Your chest shakes as you let out another breath, letting go of your nerves and some of the anxiety you hold about telling Yoongi about your feelings concerning your body.

“Iー” you falter, the panic rising up in you as you imagine all the different ways that Yoongi might react.

But then Yoongi rubs his hand on your arm, encouraging you to continue speaking. So you take a deep breath and rub at your eyes, surprised to see that you’re crying because you hadn’t noticed it before.

“I’m not a girl,” You whisper, clenching your eyes shut as you do, afraid to see his reaction. “Not all the time, anyway. Sometimes, I’m a b-boy…hyung.”

You’re relieved to have finally said it. Your panic is beginning to die down and even though you’re not sure how your boyfriend is going to react, you know that it won’t be in a negative way. Yoongi doesn’t stop rubbing your arm and you take it as a good sign to open your eyes and look up at him. He’s smiling at you, a grin tender and soft and reassuring. You let out a relieved breath, glad that he isn’t angry or appalled and simply accepting instead.

“That’s okay,” he says. “That’s fine. This changes nothing. Nothing about the way I feel about you, Rose-ah. You’re still you, even if you sometimes feel like a boy and sometimes feel like a girl. I don’t mind.”

You sag into him, letting your limbs wrap around Yoongi as you two lay curled up on the couch. He lets you, being careful to not grip your waist as you push him back onto the couch cushions. He laughs beneath you, a soft, breathy sound as your hair tickles his face. He pushes it back and stares you in the eye, his gaze soft and touches gentle and you melt.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” You ask, your breaths intermingling in the space between you.

Yoongi nods, his lips pulling into a smile. “Of course. I didn’t fall in love with you because you were a girl. I fell in love with you because of you, and you feeling like this, it doesn’t change anything about the way I feel about you. You could be an alien for all I care, but you’re not. You’re you and that’s all I want you to be.”

You nuzzle your nose into his throat, a rush of affection for the man underneath you suddenly taking you by storm. “Did you just confess?”

Yoongi laughs again. “Maybe. I thought it would be appropriate anyway.”

“Appropriate how?”

“You’ve probably been freaking out about telling me for some time, so I just wanted to reassure you.”

“So you reassure me by telling me you love me?” You ask.

“Yeah. Why? Do you not love me?”

You shake your head and laugh. “Of course I love you. I just didn’t want to be the first one to say it.”

Yoongi presses his nose to your hair. “Well, at least we both know how we feel now. And I really do mean it when I say that your gender doesn’t matter to me, okay, Rose-ah?”

“Okay, hyung.”

You press your lips to his then, relishing in the way he shifts underneath you, his hands tugging at the end of your hoodie as your mouths meld together. It’s soft and simple and you think that maybe that’s how life with Yoongi is. Easy and comforting.

You don’t think you’ll mind very much if it is.

a/n: I wrote this for my best friend @spring-dayoongi bc they’re 100% right about there not being enough fics with genderfluid readers and i hope that this makes a select few happy. also, this is a re-post from my writing blog (@wenotes)! this is also the mxr work i’m most proud of!

❀ admin rosebud

#yoongi x reader #suga x reader #bts x reader #yoongi x you #suga x you #bts x you #yoongi angst #suga angst #bts angst #bts #min yoongi #angst #uni au #genderfluid reader #myg #requested #admin rosebud

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