#{ But it's still in my queue so I figured I'll just post it now. }

[ryin-silverfish]

A Guide to the Chinese Underworld (and what it isn't)

As many FSYY and fox posts as there were on my blog, I am actually a huge fan of the Chinese Underworld mythos. Mostly because I was once a morbid little kid that loved reading about the excavations of ancient tombs, and found the statues depicting hellish torture in the Haw Par Villa "super cool".

Apart from the aesthetics, the history of its evolution is also fascinating. Most of us, Chinese or not, only know the most popular version of the Underworld——the "Ten Kings" system, yet that isn't always the case. So today, I'll start off with a short summary of that.

In pre-Qin era, there was already this generic idea of a "Realm of the Dead" called the Yellow Spring, Youdu, or Youming, but we know very little about it.

Then, in the Han dynasty, two ideas start to emerge: 1) the Underworld is a bureaucracy, 2) the God of Mt. Tai ruled over the dead.

This early bureaucracy might not function as an agent of punishment; the main focus was on keeping the dead segregated from the living so they wouldn't bring diseases and misfortune to the latter, as well as using those ghosts to enforce collective punishments upon people for their lineage's wrongdoings while they were still alive.

Post-Han, after Buddhism entered China and took root, its idea of karmic punishments and reincarnation and the figure of King Yama was merged with folk and Daoist ideas of the Underworld bureaucracy, and, came Tang dynasty, resulted in the "Ten Kings" system that first appeared in Dunhuang manuscripts.

It was very rudimentary and far from well-established, as seen in Tang legends, with some adopting the Ten Kings system, some sticking to the Lord of Mt. Tai and some favoring King Yama, and overall little agreements on who's in charge of the Underworld.

But the "Ten Kings" system would become the mainstream version from then onwards, used in Ming vernacular novels and made even more popular by folk religion scrolls like the Jade Records (Yuli Baochao).

As such, most points in the following sections will be based on the fully matured "Ten Kings" system of the Underworld, as seen in the Jade Records and JTTW.

What happens when you die?

(This is a fictionalized walkthrough of the posthumous fate of souls under the "Ten Kings" system. I try to stick to the very broad progression outlined in the Jade Records, but many creative liberties are taken on the details.)

Let's say there's a guy named Xiao Ming, and he had just died of a heart attack. Bummers. What now?

Well, the first thing he saw would be the ghost cops.

There isn't really an unanimous agreement on who these ghost cops are: they may be a pair of ghosts in white and black robes, wearing tall hats (Heibai Wuchang), they may have the heads of farm animals (Ox-Head and Horse-Face), or they can just be generic ghost bureaucrats. For convenience's sake, let's say it was the first scenario.

"Who are you guys and where are you taking me?"

"Glad you asked!" The taller ghost cop, being the cheerful one of the pair, replied. It wasn't very reassuring, considering that his tongue was dangling out of his mouth way further than it should. "I'm the White Impermanence, my sour-looking colleague here is the Black Impermanence, and we are taking you to the City God's office."

This City God, a.k.a. Chenghuang, is just like how it sounds: the divine guardian of a city, who also pulls double duty as the head of the local Dead People Customs Office. They are usually virtuous officials deified posthumously, and in JTTW, they fall under the category of "Ghostly immortals", together with the Earth Gods a.k.a. Tudi.

So Xiao Ming went with the two ghost cops——not like he had much of a choice, made his way through the long queue at the City God's office, and was now standing in front of a gruff old magistrate in traditional robes.

"Name?"

"Wang Xiao Ming."

"Age and birth dates?"

"21, April 16 2003…"

After he was done asking questions, the City God flipped through his ledger, then picked up a brush, ticked off Xiao Ming's name, and told him to go get his pass in the next room. More waiting in a queue. Wonderful.

"I never heard anything about needing a pass to get to the Underworld," the girl in front of Xiao Ming asked the ghost cops, who were standing guard nearby. "Is this a new policy or something?"

"Yeah. In the old days, we'd just drag y'all straight to the Ghost Gate." The ghost cop in black said, then muttered to himself, "Fuckin' paperworks and overpopulation, man…"

(This "Dead People Passport" thing was popularized in the middle-to-late Ming dynasty, as shown by the discovery of such documents inside tombs in southern China. )

(It might have evolved from similar passes to the Western Pure Land in lay Buddhism that recorded their acts of merits. Which, in turn, might be traced back to the "Dead People Belongings List" of Han dynasty, to be shown to Underworld bureaucrats so that no one would take away the dead's private property down there or something.)

Anyways, after he received his pass, Xiao Ming departed together with the rest of the bunch, to be led to the Ghost Gate. It was like the world's most depressing tourist group, where instead of tour guides, you got two ghost cops in funny hats, and the only scenery in sight was the desolation of the Yellow Spring Road.

They weren't the only travellers on the road, though. Xiao Ming noticed other groups moving in the far distance, behind the fog and the flickering ghostfire, led by similar figures in black and white.

It made a lot of sense; realistically, there was no way two ghost cops could fetch hundreds of thousands of dead people all by themselves.

(SEA Tang-ki mediums believed there were multiple Tua Di Ya Peks——Hokkien name for the Black and White Impermanences, working for different Underworld Courts.)

At last, the Ghost Gate stood in front of Xiao Ming, guarded by two towering figures. Normally, they'd be Ox-Head and Horse-Face, like what you see at Haw Par Villa's Underworld entrance.

However, older Han dynasty works like Wang Chong's 论衡·���鬼 also mentioned two gods, Shenshu and Yulei, as guardians of the Ghost Gate, who would use reed ropes to capture malicious ghosts and feed them to tigers, making them possibly the earliest incarnation of "Gate Gods".

So here, they were what Xiao Ming sees, standing side by side like proper doormen, silently watching herds of ghosts being funneled through the entrance.

The place was more crowded than a train station during the CNY Spring Rush; the ghost cops had already said their quick goodbye and left to fetch the next group of dead people, leaving the resident officials of the Underworld proper to maintain order and quell any would-be riots.

Now you started seeing the Ox-Head and Horse-Face guys, poking at unruly ghosts with their pitchforks and dragging away the violent ones in chains. Among their ranks were other monstrous beings, blue-faced yakshas and imps, but also regular dead humans who look 100% done with their jobs, like the lady who stamped Xiao Ming's pass when it was finally his turn.

After this point, Xiao Ming had entered the Underworld proper, and his next destination would be the First Court, led by King Qin'guang. Here, his fate should be decided by what is revealed in the King's magical mirror.

If Xiao Ming was a good guy, or someone who had done an equal amount of good and bad things in life, he'd be sent straight to the Tenth Court for reincarnation. However, if the mirror, while replaying his life events, had displayed more evil deeds than good ones, he'd be sent to one of the 2nd-9th Courts for judgment and then punished inside the Eighteen Hells.

Each of the Ten Kings was also assisted by ghostly judges. Many of them were righteous and just officials in life who had been recruited into the Ten Courts posthumously——Cui Jue from JTTW is one such example, while others were living people working part-time for the Underworld, like how Wei Zheng, Taizong's minister, works part-time for the Celestial Bureaucracy in JTTW.

We decide to be nice to Xiao Ming, so, after reliving some embarrassing childhood incidents and cringy teenage phases in front of a bunch of dead bureaucrats, he was found innocent and sent to the Tenth Court.

The queue here was almost as long as the First Court's, stretching on and on alongside of the banks of the Nai River. King of the Turning Wheel made his judgment without even lifting his head when it was Xiao Ming's turn:

"Path of Humans, male, healthy in body and mind, ordinary family. Next!"

Exiting the Tenth Court building, Xiao Ming saw the Terrace of Forgetfulness, standing tall before six bridges, made of gold, silver, jade, stone, wood, and…some unidentified material. Before he could get a good look at them and the little dots moving across those bridges, he was hurried into the Terrace by the ghostly officials.

Now, both JTTW and the Jade Records mention multiple bridges across the Nai River. In the former, there is 3, and the latter, 6. The bridges made of precious materials are for people who will reincarnate into better lives, as the wealthy, the fortunate, and the divine, while the Naihe Bridge is either the common option or the terribad shitty option.

However, the Naihe Bridge proved to be so iconic, it became THE bridge you walk across to reincarnate in popular legends.

Anyways, back to Xiao Ming. He found himself standing in a giant soup kitchen of sorts, with an old lady at the counter, scooping soup out of her steaming pot and into one cup after another.

This is Mengpo, the amnesia soup granny; according to the Jade Records, she was born in the Western Han era, and a pious cultivator who thought of neither the past nor the future, only knowing that her surname was Meng.

Made into an Underworld god by the Jade Emperor, she cooks a soup of five flavors that will wipe the memory of the dead, making sure they do not remember any of their past lives once they reincarnate.

It tastes awful. Like what you get after pouring corn syrup, coffee, chilli sauce, lemon juice and seawater into the same cup.

Such was Xiao Ming's last thought, as he gulped down the soup, and then he knew no more.

Things you should know about the Chinese Underworld:

1. It's not the Christian Hell.

Rather, the Chinese Underworld functions somewhat like the Purgatory, in that there are a lot of torment, but the torment's not eternal, however long the duration may be. Once you finish your sentence, you get reincarnated as something else, though that "something else" is not a guaranteed good birth.

Other people can also speed up the process via transferring of merits: hiring a priest/monk to chant sutras and perform rituals, for example, or performing good deeds in life in dedication to the dead, or they can pray to a Daoist/Buddhist deity to save their loved ones from a dreadful fate.

Interestingly enough, a thesis paper I read mentions that, whereas Buddhist salvation from the Hells was based on transference of merits——you give monks offerings and pay them to chant sutras, so they can cancel out the sinners' bad karma with good ones, Daoist ideas of salvation tend to involve the priest going down there, sorting it out with the Underworld officials, and taking the dead out of the Hells themselves.

(The paper also stops at the Northern-Southern and Tang dynasties, so the above is likely period-specific.)

2. Nor is it run by evil demons.

Underworld officials are not nice guys and look pretty monstrous and torture the sinful dead, but they are not the embodiment of evil. Rather, the faction as a whole is what I'd call Lawful Neutral, who function on this "An Eye for An Eye" logic, where every harm the sinner caused in life must be returned to them, in order for their karmic debts to be cleansed and move on to their next life.

They can absolutely be corrupt and incompetent and take bribes——Tang dynasty Zhiguai tales and Qing folklore compendiums featured plenty of such cases, but that's a very mundane and human kind of evil, not a cosmic/innate one.

This is just my personal opinion, but if you want to do an "evil" Chinese Underworld? It should be a very bureaucratic evil, whose leaders are bootlickers to the higher-ups, slavedrivers to their rank-and-file workers, and bullies who abuse their power over regular dead people.

Not, y'know, Satan and his infernal legions or conspiring Cthulu cultists.

3. The Ten Kings are not Hades.

Make no mistake, they still have a lot of power over your average dead mortal. But in the grand scheme of things? They are the backwater department of the pantheon, who only show up in JTTW to get pushed around and revive the occasional dead people.

When Taizong made his trip to the Underworld, the Ten Kings greeted him as equals——kings of ghosts to the king of the living. If they see themselves as equal in status to a mortal emperor, then, like any mortal emperors, they are subordinate to the Celestial Host, and the balance of power is not even remotely equal or in their favor.

Also, it isn't said outright, but under the Zhong-Lv classification of immortals JTTW is using, Underworld officials will likely be considered Ghostly immortals, the lowest and weakest of the five types, much like Tudis and Chenghuangs.

Essentially: they are ghosts that are powerful enough to not reincarnate and linger on and on, spirits of pure Yin as opposed to true immortals, who are beings of pure Yang.

It's pretty much the shittiest form of immortality, the result you get when you try to speedrun cultivation (the Zhong-Lv text also made a dig at Buddhist meditation here), and if they don't reincarnate or regain a physical body, there is no chance of progressing any further.

Oh, and fun fact? In the Song dynasty, commoners and literati elites alike believed that virtuous officials in life would get appointed as ghostly officials in death.

However, the latter viewed it as a punishment. Which was strange, considering how they still held the same position and the same amount of authority, just over dead people instead of living ones, so there should be no big losses, right?

Well...it was precisely the "dead people" part that made it a punishment. See, a lot of the power and prestige they had as officials came from the benefits they could bring to their families and kins and native places, as well as the potential wealth and reputation bonuses for themselves.

A job in the Dead People Supreme Court would give them the same workload, but with none of those benefits. Since all the dead people had to reincarnate eventually, they couldn't have a fixed group as their power base, or keep their old familial ties and connections. At most, they could help out an occasional dead relative or two.

Like, working for the Underworld Courts was the kind of deadend (no pun intended) job not even living officials wanted for themselves in the afterlife. That's how hilariously sad and pathetic they are.

4. In JTTW at least, they aren't even the highest authorities of the Underworld.

That would be Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha, who is technically their boss, though he seems to be more of a spiritual leader than someone who is actually involved in running the bureaucracy.

Which makes sense, since he has sworn an oath to not attain Buddhahood until all Hells are empty, and his role is to offer relief and salvation to the suffering souls, not judging and punishing them.

Now, historically...even though Ksitigarbha in early Tang legends was still the savior of the dead, he seemed to be unable to interfere with the judicial process of the Underworld, merely showing up to take people away before they were judged by King Yama.

However, in the mid-Tang apocryphal "Sutra of Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha" (地���菩萨经), he had evolved into the equal of King Yama, with the power of supervision over his judgements. By the time the Scripture on the Ten Kings came out, in artistic depictions, the Ten Kings had become fully subservient to him.

5. Diyu usually refers to the prison-torture chamber part, not the courthouse, nor is it the entirety of the Underworld.

And for the majority of souls that haven't committed crimes, they'll only see the courthouse part before they are sent to reincarnation. That's why I personally don't like, or use the name Diyu for the Chinese Underworld: I prefer the term Difu ("Earth Mansions"), which encompasses the whole realm better.

Also: even though historical sources like the Scripture on the Ten Kings and Jade Records seem to suggest that the dead were just funneled through this Courthouse-Prison-Reincarnation pipeline with no breaks in between, in practice, that isn't the case.

According to popular folk beliefs, after the dead were done with their trials/sentences, they stayed in the Underworld for a period of time and led regular lives, while functioning as ancestor spirits and receiving offerings.

Which would imply that the Underworld had a civilian district of sorts, populated by regular ghosts, making the whole realm even less of a direct Hell/Purgatory equivalent.

6. It is located in a different realm, but still part of the Six Paths and doesn't exist outside of reality.

In Buddhist cosmology, like the Celestial Realm, the Underworld is part of the Realm of Desires and thus subject to all the woes of samsara.

The pain and misery of the Path of Hell may be the worst and most obvious, but becoming a celestial being isn't the goal of serious Buddhists either: despite all the pleasures and near-infinite lifespan they enjoy, they are not free from samsara and will eventually have to reincarnate.

So if, say, the world is being destroyed at the end of a kalpa, all beings of the Six Paths will perish alongside it, leaving behind a clean slate for the cycle to start anew. The dead won't all end up in the Underworld and face eternal damnation.

7. The Black and White Impermanences would not appear in the Underworld pantheon formally until the Qing dynasty.

The concept that when you die, you get fetched to the Underworld by petty ghost bureaucrats is already well-established in Tang legends, but these were just generic ghost bureaucrats in all sorts of colorful official robes, with yellow being the most common color.

The idea of there being two specific psychopomps in black and white would only become popular in the Qing dynasty. Mengpo is kinda similar: although she existed before the Ming-Qing era as a goddess of wind, venerated by boatmen, her "amnesia soup granny" incarnation came from the Jade Records.

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 14/01✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

@cloverthewanderer ha chiesto: Soooo….Imma be honest, I just found you on Instagram this morning with a small part of your Biodads au with the monkey bois. And I might’ve thought it looked so cool I went to Tumblr to binge read it and I just caught up. I love everything about the series and it is so fantastic!! Thank you for having so amazing I am going to obsess over it for awhile. I hope you have a wonderful day!!!! Drink lots of water and take care of yourself! (All of the colors and art is just divine!)

AAAWWWW thank you!!!

@sakuralotus03 ha chiesto: Now that MK and Red Son are officially dating, MK will tell Red Son that his name is Xiaotian and Red Son will call him that from now on (or else more pet names for the couple). 🔥🍜

Aww, I think technically Red Son also has like-a full name if we keep the chinese dub logic.(Hóng Hái-er)

@samfroggie ha chiesto: Okayokayokayokay- I never liked Shadowpeach, hell I still wouldn't call myself a shipper of it (or of any LMK ship aside from Freenoodles tbh) but you, sir, have made me fall in love with your AU and I can't let it go reeeeeee Honestly, it's the familial love aspect of this that makes me love it, as someone who is fully on board with MK having four dads, shipping aside lmao I'll always look at every image of MK cuddling with any of his parents and feel my heart swell, it's so freaking cute and the angst is just the nice sprinkling on top, I need more protective Mac in my life because I never see it! Also, question, how do you feel about ocs inserts? Like, are we allowed to make art about the AU and insert ocs into it? Asking because I have an oc who's more or less meant to be like MK's mother figure, and I mean, gotta give him more parental figures right?

I got no probs with OC inserts, as long as you credit the comic!

@aptainmilf ha chiesto: Need to tell you that a chapter of your comic singlehandedly pushed a friend of mine to finally watch the show and I would sincerely like to thank you for that lmao. It was the one with Wukong and Macaque at the hot springs

Ahaha welcome them to the club!

@dimensional-storm ha chiesto: Where did the inspiration for Wukong's 'War Form' come from? It's so big, beautiful!! I love the design so much :D

From the original novel, and the sun.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Question Was the spicynoodles kiss inspired by the caitvi prison kiss? :3

Eh, technically no? I also have the text I send my friend as proff, but I swear to you I planned that scene BEFORE S2 came out.

@silktealover ha chiesto: Hi kiri! I'm b33p and I want to ask if mac and my both have ears sensitive to fireworks,if so how do they react on holidays like fourth of July or new years? :3

Yes, I guess during Chinese New Year they would be really bothered by fireworks.

Anonimo ha chiesto: So you have a shadowpeach playlist? What are your favorite shadowpeach coded songs.

My favourite one is like- S1 vibe of Shadowpeach. which is Wonderful Nothing by Glass Annimals

@ayrza ha chiesto: A FUNNY QUESTION! I have also had this doubt with the canon but I want to know now with your AU Kyri... The heads of Wukong each think differently or is it the same wukong divided into three? Will each of them have a different personality? 🤔🤔🤔 Questions that don't let me sleep at night

Aww I think they could!! Like one head is more silly, one more chaotic, while the middle one is just generally more emotionally open and vulnerable.

@twilight-bai-he ha chiesto: Between Wukong and Macaque whose the better dancer 💃🏽 and Can mk dance ?

Macaque, and MK got mooves let's say (more disco than anything else)

@pyromaniacldrt ha chiesto: Heyyyy So You mentioned in other post that Macaque's name was "Six eared Macaque", right? Does that mean Mk's name is "Habringer of Chaos"?

Nope.

@super-may ha chiesto: Stop, if Macaque got hurt in his shadow form does it mean that his real form is not injured or anything? Like in battle with Wukong in the first season he didn’t seem to be hurt or angry about Wukong’s punches. But If he isn’t hurt and his shadow form is injured I don’t think that it will stay like this with Mk and it will return to the body. Oh no, DOES THAT MEAN THAT MK WILL BE ON HIMSELF NOW IN HIS SHADOW FORM OR SMTH? Or return with Macaque’s shadow to Macaque’s body and Mk’s plan will be ruined and he will need to make a choice between himself and the safety of his loved ones? OMG IM SO WORRIED PLS MAKE A HAPPY END WITH EVERYONE ALIVE AND HAPPY AND NOT UNDER THE WILL OF HEAVEN🙏🙏🙏

it's like Sword Art Online. If you die in the shadow world u die in real life.

@harb1ng3r0fch4os ha chiesto: Can I make/post edits of the shadowpeach bio parents au ?? :3 I’ll credit you ofc :]

yea sure!

@king-cinamon ha chiesto: Have you watched Nezha (2019)?

nope. I've read his story though.

@mkthemonkiekiddd ha chiesto: Totally random question (i just wanna know someones opinion on the matter since its been in my head for so long.), how would nezha react to social media, like, imagine someone gave him a phone, Would he even know what it is

He would probably be on the edge between "this is very uneducational" and "holy shit this is the best idea for arsony I ever saw"

@astro-lmk-enjoyer ha chiesto: Will we ever see Red Son wag his tail like a dog?? (That would be so cute!! + his parents would be shocked to to see him show such emotion) Oh and I make some art for you, I posted it- Bye <3

oh my- eh... no. I don't think so.

@askthezodiacs ha chiesto: May I use your AU in RPs?

yeah sure! As long as they aren't AI made.

[does-it-introject]

UPDATES

Long time no see, hello!

Remember when I said I'd come back at the beginning of the year... well I was very busy sorting through 400 inbox messages and putting everything in an place where I can actually sort through them properly. SO, updates:

1:

The Account currently features (according to my knowledge) 102 posts. Insane already. You know whats worse? The hypothetical queue planned to 630 posts so far.

That means we have 528 posts waiting for me to be queued.

Posting will begin on Feburary 1st, So I have enough time to queue a bunch of stuff for you. Four posts a day, to keep the rhythm going.

Thank you so much to everyone that requested so far, I already want to apologize for the time some of you will have to wait lolol,, but I still hope you have fun seeing all of these different medias and sources others submitted!

2:

Posts that, from my knowledge, contain commonly triggering elements will be put beneath a cut, with a Trigger Warning in the top and #unsafe in the tags, so block that tag if you don't want to risk anything.

I'm specifically mentioning this, because horror and not so safe for younger audiences material has been submitted. I want this to be a safe place for everyone, this includes those from these sources, as well as those who may be uncomfortable with such medias.

I think adding TWs is the best option here, but if you think differently feel free to send me an ask or something. I'm sure we can work something out.

If you think there's a post without a TW, that should have one, let me know too! I'll see what I can do!

3:

I deleted the Queue Checklist, because it's geniunely really hard to keep track of. Unsure if something has been submitted? Submit it! I really don't mind.

I figured out a good way to keep track of Queue, but have no safe way to share that with others. So just... trust me on this.

4:

Lastly, thank you all for the kind comments under my hiatus post and the anons who send in asks!! I didnt use Tumblr much so I only got to read most of them now, but it geniunely made me very happy!! Thank you!

So... I will spend my days queueing posts. See you on Feburary 1st with new polls!!

[slinkythecoffeekid]

Chapter Four || Don't Worry, I'm (not) a Professional

Updates: Sorry this chapter took so long to write. I had a busy month between school and, weirdly, hospital visits (I'm fine, I promise). I also spent so much time trying to do fact-checking for travel for this chapter. I did a lot of weird little research for this chapter for some reason. For one, the match Roy mentions about Chelsea winning 3-nil to Arsenal had to be in 2009 because Chelsea also won the Premier's League that year, and that would have been 8 years before Roy was with Richmond for Season One. Putting Roy at roughly 22. (That is if season one takes place when it aired) second: just trying to do travel realistically for reader was a fucking wild time, and then I started playing with google earth and looking at the British countryside. sooooo... Third: The playlist has been updated for the next three chapters, and I'll post the individual playlists later. Chapter Four of "Standing Again" Pairing: Jamie Tartt x Reader Rating: T for teens Word Count: 8.4k Warnings: swearing, Talk of injury, Injury-related trauma, PTSD behaviors, people being relative assholes, also reader is so mean to themselves (I'm so sorry) Synopsis: An emotional meltdown on your own leads to you giving rebbeca an answer, your feelings start to hit a head and you have to be honest with yourself.

Monday mornings always were like pulling teeth; even now, they are still for you. You stood in the queue waiting to order a drink at the local cafe. Your now parasitic relationship partner in crime, Jamie, stood beside you, distracted by his phone, probably scrolling through Instagram or Twitter. Randomly, you'd hear him chuckle to himself before falling silent or aggressively typing something from your right side. People noticed Jamie was there, but most people were far too exhausted this early even to try to talk to him. You also are one of those exhausted people, and that might have added to the lack of people, your resting grumpy face. 

The line moves at a standard pace for an early morning rush, and you move with the flow of the queue, but you are very distracted by your phone. Since your meetup with your eldest brother and coming to terms with your situation, you've been slowly branching back out to talking to former friends. You were not expecting people to be so thrilled to hear from you, including your old teammates, an old group chat you had put on do not disturb brought back on your terms, but you were also starting to regret turning the notifications back on since your friends could not shut up in this chat, mostly talking to each other still but there was now a lot more notifications directed at you like:

“When are you coming to visit?”

“Are you dating someone now?”

“Are you able to come play a game?” 

You know the routine questions. At the moment, the group chat was trying to figure out a time for you to come out west to visit them and hang out with the team, as most, except a few, still played for Man City, the constant texts from your mates this early reminded you just how attuned to the morning everyone in your life is. Reading about your friends going back and forth about plans brought a small smile to your face. 

“What's got you so chipper over there?” Jamie looks over at you with a raised eyebrow. Followed by him peering over to see if maybe you'd opened one of the thousands of memes/reels he's sent you in the past hour alone. 

You don’t look at him but continue to chuckle at an exchange between your mates, “Park and Thomas are trying to get me to visit for a day, and the two can never agree on a damn thing.” you look up at the fact that you two are at the head of the queue, “go on order or something, you're putting a wrench in my jog” you push him forward.

“Alright, alright, geez, don't gotta shove me!” he whines at you, batting  at your hands as he moves forward to order his vanilla latte before shortly turning back to you, “Same or something else this morning?” 

“Surprise me.” Your phone captures your attention fully, and you remove yourself from the queue and sit at a small table, setting your backpack down and waiting for Jamie and your drink. You hardly notice that someone has approached you, like a giant ninja, except the human embodiment of Winnie the Pooh and his shadow, Coach Beard.

“Well howdy and good morning, doc!” Ted's voice startles you away from your scrolling to keep up with the texts you've been receiving all morning. Your skittishness never failed to startle Ted more than yourself most times, and this was no exception to the rule. Beard and Ted leaned away from you in case you decided to use either of them as a punching bag at the moment. Beard let out a ‘woah’ witnessing your panic.  Once you settle back into your seat, Ted gives you a sheepish smile, “Am I ever not going to startle you?” 

You sit in your seat, attempting to straighten yourself out and let out a deep breath in an attempt to steel your anxious heart. Your whole body now felt tense, but you looked over at Ted. " If you start making noise when you walk, maybe we wouldn't keep running into this issue. Good morning, Coach Ted. " You gave him a sheepish smile in return. “How are you this morning?”

“Pretty chipper if I do say so myself. The sun's up, and I'm still alive and enjoying my life... How about yourself there?” 

You shrug, “Jamie decided to hijack my morning routine today, so I'm waiting for him to get over here with my drink… maybe I shouldn't have left him in charge of that-” You look over to the counter where Jamie is waiting for both of your drinks still, he was looking at his phone and smiling to himself, and occasionally said good morning to anyone who greeted him. Being famous was a wild thing, being recognized in the wild of society must suck. He looked up, catching your gaze, and gave a wave, realizing his coaches were also next to you; he waved to them, too. You roll your eyes, shaking your head at him before looking at your phone to a text from Jamie.

Jamie (fucking) Tartt It will be a few more minutes. Tell Ted and Beard cheers for me. 

You turn your phone back over on the table and look at the coaches. “Verbatim, cheers. From Jamie.”

Both coaches waved back to Jamie when he waved to them. Beard cleared his throat and looked over at you with a raised eyebrow, “didn’t realize you were making friends with the team. You have that whole…” Beard gestures to your entire being, “Don't talk to me. I bite vibe about you.” 

“Oh I do, and I draw blood,” you look between the two coaches who now are either very concerned for their safety or very concerned for your safety and that brings a sadistic smile to your face, “Nah, he just kinda decided we are friends now and I'm not arguing with it, the same way that Keeley has also decided that I'm her friend. Are we sure that those two don't share the same brain?” 

This ignited a chuckle from both coaches, “If they are, they both do well-taking turns with it.” Beard looked down at his watch and nudged Ted.

Ted looks over with a ‘Hm?’ but nods seeing the time on Beard's watch, “Well doc, we will see you in a bit, gotta drop off the boss lady's biscuits and decide what the plan for today is,” he adjusts his bag and jacket, “see you later (y/n)!” and with that both Ted and Coach Beard headed out the cafe. 

You wave them off, and before you can adjust to the lack of humans in your vicinity, a cup is placed in front of you. You look up and smile at Jamie. “Thanks, mate. We should get going.” You take your takeaway cup and stand, grabbing your bag that you sat down a while ago while waiting for Jamie. 

Jamie nods, taking a sip from his cup, “Yeah- don't want to have to hear Granddad yelling at me about being late.” Grumbling to himself, he heads outside with you next to him. 

From any outside perspective, you two were opposites, Jamie in his flashy ICON hat and his puffer vest that, honestly, you had no idea how many of those things he had, you didn't want to find out. His cross-body bag and way too expensive trainers. He looked like a kid who just had money to spend on his parents' credit cards. You could feel the stress of paying off that credit card bill forming in the back of your mind. You on the other hand, wore black athletic joggers, a black hoodie, and a grey t-shirt under the hoodie, your trainers were a pair of white Adidas you had splurged on a while back and they for the fact you wore them quite a bit; held up and you did your best to keep them clean for yourself. Of course, you also had a hat on, but it was a plain black one. You dressed like a normal person compared to the walking billboard for flashy fashion. 

Jamie unlocked the car as you two both approached. You opened up the back passenger door and put your bag on the floor to avoid any damage. Once you had assured your laptop wasn't going to get crushed by anything, you shut the door and got into the passenger seat. Buckling yourself in, you put your coffee in the coffee holder and frowned. The one thing you noticed from the two times in Jamie's car is that the seat never was adjusted from how you adjusted the seat. 

Jamie, who had started the car and was backing out of the spot he was in, had his hand around the back of your seat to help him back out of the spot. “What?” he asked, glancing at your perplexed expression.

You shake your head; you were reading too far into it. Perhaps the last person just liked where you set the seat, or more likely, he hadn't had anyone else in his car since last Saturday. “Seat has not been adjusted.”

Jamie rolled his eyes as he put the car into drive after he had backed the car out of the parking spot, “Well duh, I haven't had anyone else in the car- what do you take me for?” 

“To be completely honest? A bit of a whore,” you take a sip of your coffee.

Jamie gasps dramatically, placing a hand over his chest, “(y/n) I'm hurt! This is defamation of character!” There was a smirk on his face, and he glanced back over to you. 

You smirk at his offense, “Surprised you even know what defamation of character is- also, let's not forget about your stint on ‘Lust Conquers All’ poor Amy's heart,” you tease and lean back in your seat. 

“It's a reality show! You play to win! But also, yeah, no, it was pretty rude of me, wasn't it?” he shrugged, turning the corner. 

You nod, watching the road. The silence that fell over the car ride was comfortable and incredibly short-lived as you two made it to the Richmond clubhouse in good time, considering the time of day it was. Jamie pulled up to the door and unlocked the doors. “And here you are.” 

You roll your eyes, unbuckle yourself, and open your door. Climbing out, you are handed your coffee, and you shut the door before getting into the backseat and grabbing your backpack. You look over to Jamie, who was watching you to make sure you got everything. “Watch it, Tartt. People might think we’re dating or something.” 

He shrugs and gives you the signature Tartt Smirk, “Wouldn't that be just your luck?” 

You shake your head, waving as you head inside the building. Once inside, you head directly to your office to set down your bag. Surprised you haven't run into anyone. More surprised that Keeley wasn't waiting for you in your office. However, as out of character as it was, it made for a quiet morning. Monday meant that you had to get through the next three days with whatever you had left over from the previous order, so here you stood in front of all five of your fridges staring into them like you'd been sucked into the void. You let out a loud sigh, shut the doors to the fridges, and sit yourself on one of your counters sitting crisscross applesauce, checking your phone. Many new notifications came in from your friends, and a few from your brother, including a very cute photo of your nephews in their afterschool football club jerseys together. You hadn't realized how big they had gotten, for both of them to be playing in after-school teams. 

The thing that caught your eye more than anything was a link that Roy had sent you that you had not seen until now. Considering he sent it at three in the bloody morning, it was not a surprise you hadn't seen it. 

Roy (that footballer) Kent  [link] You're going to want to look at this.

Now, knowing Roy this long, you knew he would never send you something that would intentionally throw you off your rhythm. However, there have been moments where the wrong things have been said to the wrong people, and feelings have gotten hurt. However, you didn't think this was one of those moments. You click the link, and it leads you to a YouTube video from Sky Sports, specifically that Saturday Gillette panel they run. You always thought that panel was bogus, three guys talking about a sport that they hadn't played in years and only talked about the statistical side of a season and projections and stuff like that. There was no heart for an underdog. However, the title of the clip caught your eye. 

(Y/N) COMING BACK TO FOOTBALL?

You rolled your eyes as you clicked play on the clip. Per usual, the three men, Jeff Stelling, Chris Karma, and George Cartrick, sat around the stage desk, talking about a game that had their attention more so than whatever this clip was going to talk about. 

“Right then, in other footballing news, we turn to the Championship League. Former Goalkeeper star (y/n) was seen in the Richmond Greyhounds Dugout on Saturday during the Richmond Vs Sunderland game.”  A picture from last Saturday of you chatting with the other coaches on the sidelines shows up on the screen behind them.  “What do you think this means for her career going forward? Chris?”  “I think it would be wonderful if we could see them back on the pitch and in the box. They are one heck of a goalkeeper, and we cannot forget about the iconic broken nose from their debut game. They have a presence on the pitch, and they have been sorely missed by their fans.” Another picture of you from your debut game, after you'd been patched up from stopping a goal with your face, of all things. You were roaring at your team's victory, you had gone back to being the goalkeeper after receiving medical care. Seeing this photo of you brought a smile to your face. Chris always had nice things to say about everyone, though.  “What about you, George?” “I don't see why everyone's so excited to see them. For all we know, they could just work for Richmond as kit men. They have been a decent goalkeeper, but at the end of the day, they retired after one torn ligament in their leg. I've seen men push through worse and come back better than before they got hurt. That's what happens when we treat mediocrity like they are a godsend. Their ego gets overinflated, and then they crash and burn. Just like (y/n).”  “That's some… deep feelings there, George. Personally, if they are coming back to football, I wish them the best, and if it even just means being a coach, they are always welcomed in my eyes on the pitch.” 

You sat there stunned and quiet, not that you'd been talking, but hearing such an unfiltered negative opinion of you always was a punch to your ego, self-esteem, and sense of worth. You stared at your phone for far too long, hearing the words that George said over and over again. Not that you should care about it, George was a sexist prick, and you hated him too, but it was the fact he said that on national television that got you. You had always had critics, you had people who didn't like you. It was part of the sport, part of being someone people could spot in a crowd. It never hurt like this, though; it wasn't the fact of who it came from but the message. The feeling was deeper than surface-level criticism, you recognized this feeling, the feeling that they were right. 

Forcing yourself off the counter, you shoot a quick text to Rebecca that you're taking off for the day. Not that you needed to be in the office today for long.  You also put your phone back on Do Not Disturb as it had been for the past three years. You needed some air.  You need to take a walk, be distracted, anything to keep you busy. You grab your keys and your bag and leave the confines of your office that had begun to feel suffocating to you and walk out of the building, off the club property, through town, and to the bus station. You were going purely on muscle memory; what you were about to do was not a trip you had taken recently, but you knew where you needed to be, somewhere so much louder where no one knew you. Not that many people in Richmond knew you, but the feeling of being somewhere else was something you needed. 

So you made your way to the bus stop closest to you. You sat patiently waiting for the bus; it wasn't long before it showed up. Getting to you took a transfer ticket, as there was no train station in Richmond, and you needed to take two buses to even get to the nearest train station. The bus ride was quiet; most people on the bus were heading to or from somewhere in their daily lives. No one batted an eye at another person on the bus. You made sure to sit near a window seat away from others and had both your earbuds in to listen to something to fill the silence. What you had decided on was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

THE BOY’S NAME WAS SANTIAGO. DUSK was falling as the boy arrived with his herd at an abandoned church. The roof had fallen in long ago, and an enormous sycamore had grown on the spot where the sacristy had once stood.

---

After taking both buses, you arrive in Darlington, specifically about a block away from the train station. The beautiful old structure and its bell tower stood proudly against the blue skies of the day.  You had bought your ticket online while on the bus, so you quickly made your way into the train station and headed towards the platform. The station was as busy as any station could be at midday, but boarding was easy enough. You found yourself an open seat, and you got comfortable. By all estimations, this ride was going to be less than two hours, and you could use it to check your emails. Settling into your seat properly, you pulled out your laptop and got to work doing smaller tasks you knew you could do remotely. 

You spent the next two hours bouncing between work emails and spacing out, watching the countryside and the towns you passed through. Your train stopped in York, Leeds, and Huddersfield. Luckily, your train ride went as smoothly as it could, and in the blink of an eye, your train had stopped at your destination. 

“Now arriving at Victoria Station in Manchester. If departing, please make sure you have all items,” a voice announced from the overhead. 

You looked up at the speaker and then back to the window to the inside of the station, packed your bag up, and got ready to disembark. As the train came to a stop, people stood and slowly filtered off the train, and you were alongside the crowd. Once off the train and a safe enough distance away from the platform, you stopped to take in the stadium. Looking around, you start walking, following the signs to the stairs that lead you outside and into Manchester proper. Looking around, you could see the cabs coming and going to take people, but you, being someone who doesn't mind a good walk, decided to leg it. The city hasn't changed much. Full of people, full of construction. The usual city bustle you had once loved, but now? It was just far too loud for your taste. 

Your walk was one of brisk walking and very little taking in the sights, but it was all worth it as you made it to the home of your former club, staring up at the big stadium you thought maybe you'd feel something. Happiness? Relief? But staring at it, you felt this pit in your heart grow deeper. Why did you come out here? Why did you want this again? Did you miss the sport or miss being relevant? That couldn't be the end of this- no, you came out here and you did it to feel better, so that's what you were going to do dammit.

You stared up at the main stand entrance, looking at the picture of the men's team on the billboard, nodded at it, in a show of respect for them, and headed toward the door. You honestly had no idea what you were planning on doing once inside, but you felt that maybe taking a tour of the place would help fill you with better feelings than whatever you were feeling in your chest now. Once you had made it inside the building, you looked around seeing posters of team members, photos of winning celebrations, years the club won the cup, for women and men, all the club's history was on display. You walk around looking at the old pictures and Kits. You walk over to the 2014-2015 season pictures and memorabilia, a picture of your team and yourself, you smile to yourself thinking about how everyone in the photo was joking around and having a good time, and even your former manager was smiling even though he was well known for being a stoic guy. Looking at yourself being so happy surrounded by your best mates and blissfully unaware of the fact you'd retire after that season is a bit jarring to you. Your smile fades, and you just stare at yourself in the picture. You're younger, obviously, and in the best shape of your life. However, there is a much different energy that you had in this photo. The lack of cynicism, the pure spirit of a young footballer who is one of the best in the world, and just pure joy. All three things were something you'd become accustomed to being the opposite of. You stood staring for a moment, not hearing someone come up beside you. You need to start paying better attention to your surroundings. 

“That year, that was a decent season for the men. Shame that we didn't win, though. Us losing to Chelsea for both teams, is still one hell of a season for the women, with them securing their Super League spot. Those were two hells of lineups, though. You a fan?” the voice that came from next to you was from an older man, looking roughly to be in his late seventies to early eighties if you had to hazard a guess on his age. He was a tall man and lanky to boot, his hair snow white, and he wore khakis and a plaid sky-blue button-up with a fleece vest over the top that was zipped up.  He offered a kind smile that would make you a horrible person if you didn't return the smile.

You nod, although a little aloof, and give the man a small smile, “You could say that. Man, City is pretty dear to my heart.” You look at your picture one last time before turning to face the man entirely.

He nods, “Ah, good on yah.  Are you here for one of the tours or just here to visit?” 

You pause to think; you didn't come up with many plans, and you didn't tell anyone where you were heading. What you did know is that you missed something, and you wanted to figure it out. “Yeah, I'm here for one of the tours. Figured I might since I'm in town for the day.” 

The older man beams at you and gestures you to follow, “Right then, well let's start from the beginning of the founding of the club in 1880-” 

—

To say it had been a peaceful day at the Richmond clubhouse was true, as no one was particularly needy, no fires to put out, no drama, and easy enough board meetings for Rebeca to have. It was probably the calmest Monday the club had had in a while. 

The coaches all sat in the office eating their lunches, Both Ted and Beard had sandwiches, Roy had some sort of homemade protein god meal that he made the night before and Nate had leftover takeaway, the coaches had been discussing plans for their games coming up for the week and while they talked taking turns pitching formation plans. The problem with having the same four coaches talking over the same conversation is that they never get anywhere. “I would say we could ask the team what they think, but then we aren't doing our job they’re doing ours…” Ted sat back in his chair, letting out a long sigh, and looked up at the clock. “I say we table this conversation and talk about something else. Anyone got anything that they want to talk about?” he laces his fingers behind his head and looks at the other coaches. 

Both Roy and Beard shake their heads and continue to eat their food, and both respectively have now pulled a book out of thin air and continue to read and eat. 

Nate, although still sitting on the filing cabinet, looks around, “thought (y/n) would have been called in or somethin',” he jokes to himself, but the smile fades seeing no one responds to it the way he was expecting. “Can’t always ask them for their thoughts, not their job.” Beard gives Nate a long, hard look over the top of his book, watching Nate causing him to squirm under the scrutiny of his gaze. 

“I just mean- they know defensive teams, that's all I meant by it.” Nate looks down at the floor, a bit abashed, twiddling his thumbs. 

The coaches soaked in the unspoken tension before Jamie popped his head into the office, “Hey coach, have you seen (y/n)? I haven't seen them, and they aren't in their office.” 

The four coaches shrug and shake their heads, a small mixture of  ‘no, I haven't’ from all of them. 

“Sorry, Jamie. I haven't seen them since this morning. Is everything okay?” he looks at Jamie, worried. 

Jamie shakes his head. " Nothing serious, but they seemed fine this morning—I wonder why they would have left, that's all.”

Roy sighs and shuts his book. “Shut the door.” 

The coaches looked at each other in concern, but Beard rolled over to the door closest to him and shut it. Nate shut the door to the office that connected his and Roy's to the main coach's office. 

“Well, that's not ominous, grandad-’ Jamie steps into the office, and Beard shuts the door behind him.

Ted sat up straight with great concern, “Everything alright, Roy? If you need to talk to us, we are all ears.” 

“It's not about me, it's about (y/n). Just watch.” Roy grunts, pulling out his phone and opening the link sent to you earlier today. The four men sit quietly as they listen to the audio. Roy had fast-forwarded it so that it was only the part where George was talking and the end of the clip. The four men sat in uneasy silence as the audio ended, and Roy put his phone back into his pocket. The room sat in silence, processing what was said.

“That's some strong feelings…” Ted nodded his head slowly. “But Roy, why are you wound up tighter than a ball of yarn in my grandma's bag over this?” 

Roy sighs and crosses his arms leaning against the glass window, “thought maybe they would want to see it before someone confronted them about it, I dunno Id be pissed if someone came up to me and asked if I was going to play again based on one stupid comment from those idiots.” 

Beard nods, leaning further back in his seat and puts his feet up on the desk, “They didn't even necessarily talk about the fact that we won but the fact that (y/n) was there.” seeing everyone looking at him, he shrugs nonchalantly,  “I watched the whole segment.”

Jamie frowned, “They ain't like you Roy, not everyone brushes shit off the way you do.” he was frustrated, yes slightly at Roy for thinking that it was appropriate to send you something like this, it was bound to shake your confidence. What he was truly mad about was the fact that you were still so uncomfortable talking to anyone about anything you were feeling. Jamie thought you two were opening up to each other, but he guessed he was wrong. 

Roy's shoulders tensed looking over at Jamie, “I realize that now Tartt-” he was angry enough at himself he didn't need the blame of a shithead like Jamie on top of that, one slight move could turn into a physical altercation in a small office.

Ted raised his hands to stop the boys from turning their disagreement into a fistfight. “Alright, woah, woah, woah fellas! Alright now, look, Roy, you misread the situation, and it probably caused them to not have the best of times. And Jamie, I know you two have become friends, but there are things we just don't talk about with others. What matters is that we support them whenever they get back, be it today or tomorrow, Because that's what friends do. Now, where would they have gone if this caused them to leave?” 

Beard, Jamie, and Roy all looked between each other and Ted in confusion and shook their heads, not sure. You still were an enigma to them. You stayed quiet, and you did things that kept people from knowing you well, and that was how you liked it. 

Nate, however, not that he knew you well or wanted to know you well, had noticed some of your behavior when no one was looking, the Man City memorabilia that you kept on you, specifically your key lanyard. Your office had Manchester City stuff in it, too. Your reserved personality is the way you only piped up if someone asked. The nervous tendency to bite your nails. These were all things he had seen and noticed. “Could it be they went to Manchester?” he nervously cleared his throat as now everyone in the room looked over at him. “I just mean- that's where they used to play, right? If I was in a shit mood id want to relive my glory.” 

The other four men all had an ‘ah yes’ moment and then all sat there, twiddling their thumbs as if deciding what to do since they didn't know if it was best to still leave you be or for someone to go get you. Jamie looked between his four coaches and shoved his hands in his pockets. “imma go then- grab lunch or something,” and he turned to head out the door.

“Hey, Jamie?” Ted called from behind him. 

“Yeah, coach?” Jamie paused and looked back over his shoulder. 

“Listening first is important, but showing that you hear what's being said is also important… alright?” Ted glinted in his eye; he knew what Jamie was thinking, and he gave Jamie a nod, the go ahead.” 

Jamie smiles and nods understandingly. “Right, I got it, coach." With that, he heads for his locker. 

“Sure it's a good idea for Jamie to go after them?” Beard looks over at Ted with a raised eyebrow. 

“We won't know until they get back, will we?” Ted smiles, turning back to the strategy board. Right, fellas, let's get back to it, shall we?” 

—

Jamie grabbed his bag and his keys out of the top of his locker, checking his phone for the time. Realizing what time it was he scrambled to continue packing his things up for the day, muttering to himself as things didn't go into his bag as smoothly as he was hoping for, then attempting to shove everything back in again with less success than the first time. Most of the team was in the locker room, either they stayed for lunch or they had just returned from grabbing food. 

“Think he's alright? He's been trying to shove his phone in his bag for a minute there now,” Collin was watching Jamie while eating a bag of crisps from a sandwich shop he popped into for lunch. He was standing next to Isaac and Sam who both were paying little if absolutely no mind to Jamie's stress. 

Sam glanced up from his phone to look at Collin, “Perhaps he missed (y/n), they eat lunch together most days.” he then went back to scrolling on his phone. Clearly not interested in Jamie. 

“Nah mate, (y/n) left earlier.” Isaac finished fixing his boots and looked at Jamie while still hunched over from tying his laces. “Stressing over something stupid.” he rolled his eyes straightening up and putting his phone in his cubby. 

Collin frowned, arms crossed watching Jamie still, as he watched Jamie a small group of the team had congregated around them, all just watching Jamie stressing. All of them whispered and shared their ideas of why he looked like he just found out his nan was in the hospital. Common theories where he found out his favorite hair care product got discontinued, that his nan might actually be in hospital, and the fan favorite, he did something stupid towards you and was trying to fix it. 

Finally, Isaac let out a sigh, “Oi. Tartt, what are you on about over there?” 

Jamie finally looked up to see all of his teammates standing huddled staring at him. He raised an eyebrow in confusion, “how long have you all been standing over there like that?” 

There's a mass of muttering from the group, But Collin brings attention to himself, “You alright there boyo? You look like your nan is in hospital like you're pale as a ghost.” 

Jamie frowns looking back down at his phone, and sighs, “should I take M-6 or A1M? To get to Manchester, I mean?” 

Everyone looked at him genuinely confused by the question, but everyone seemed to agree on him taking the A1M. Isaac held his hand up and everyone looked to their captain with bated breath. “Take the A1M bruv, you ditching practice for some stupid reason?” 

Jamie shook his head, he would never consider you a stupid reason, he considered you a friend and was concerned about your wellbeing. Mental health had never been something he considered before. After coming back he realized he was projecting that he was mentally stable by being a jerk and that wasn't healthy, and he had seen the number that your mental state had been through. He was concerned that you might close back up on everyone from just that stupid video, and that scared him. “(y/n) isn't a stupid reason. Look, I’ll make it up to everyone- I'll run laps I'll take whatever anyone wants to throw at me-” he was cut off by Isaac's silent hand telling him to stop. 

“If it's for (y/n), you're good bruv. They're part of our team.” Isaac nods his head giving the all good to Jamie. 

Jamie stands there for a moment before realizing he had been standing still for way too long and in a moment of anxious energy gives Isaac a hug before running out the door, Isaac was frozen in place by this as the entire team looks at him in confusion and amusement. Some of the team started gossiping amongst themselves before continuing what they had been up to before. 

Sam smirked to himself and turned to Isaac saying in a light-hearted tone, “Perhaps Jamie has found a person to match him.” Collin nodded with a smile, “God save the queen.” Isaac nods, “and us.”

- By the time your tour had wrapped up, it was around 4 pm. You and Mr. Webbly, as you learned his name was, sat quietly in the stands just watching, there was no practice, no game, and the only other person out on the field was the groundmen taking care of the pitch. But besides the sound of the distant mower and the environment around you, all you had to hear was your breathing and your voice. The two of you had a bottle of water as you both contemplated whatever you had on your mind. You couldn't begin to think of what an old man such as Mr. Webbly had to contemplate, maybe what flowers to get his wife on his way home? You had learned he had a wife and she adored flowers. You on the other hand? You had so much you were thinking about. Between work and personal things you had been combatting your mind was racing and you could feel yourself tensing. 

“You know, I knew who you were the second you walked in the door,” Mr. Webbly's voice pulled you right out of your internal spiral. You turned to him, he didn't look over at you, only took a drink of his water amidst your own confusion. 

“You knew?” you ask more confused in your face than your voice. 

“Yep, hard to forget someone you used to see every Saturday and Wednesday defend the goal box as their life depended on it for three years. But also because you always would say hi on your way in the door every morning,” He turned to you and smiled. You may have never remembered him but he remembered you, honestly, it surprised you, you thought you'd become irrelevant that no one cared about you professionally like that. 

“I didn't realize-” 

“I didn't expect you to. You have been gone awhile, and you also were a busy young superstar of an athlete, can't remember everyone's names and faces.” Mr. Webbly smiled at you leaning back in his seat. “So, Why did you come back? And for a tour of all things?” he asked giving you a questioning look.

You sit with your hands between your knees and hunched over thinking. You had plenty of reasons to visit, but none seemed like good excuses now. “I needed the validation.” you at Mr. Webbly, “I needed the emotional validation to move on to the next part of my life. I've been avoiding myself and my recovery because I was… I'm scared that if I let it go then I won't be good enough as an athlete anymore.” you sigh and let out a dry chuckle to yourself, “Silly, isn't it? I needed permission to move on from an inanimate concept.” you gesture to the field. 

Mr. Webbly shakes his head, “Growing and healing takes many shapes, if you need permission to move on from Man City from the pitch itself. Then so be it. Everyone is different in their healing processes.” he smiles kindly at you. 

You nod standing up from your seat, “I'm not even sure I've made my mind up about what I want to do next though.”

Mr. Webbly chuckles, “You have. You just don't realize it, or you do and don't want to admit it. If you were not ready to be back on the pitch you wouldn't have been there, but you were and you came out here looking for closure. I say you've made your choice quite clearly.” he stands next to you and gestures to the pitch. “I may be an old man. But for prosperity's sake, want to kick the football on this pitch one last time? To really move on?” 

You think for a moment, all your fears about being and getting hurt flood your mind and you start to have a moment of deep dread, but you shake it off. You look to Mr. Webbly, and nod, “Yeah, except I prefer to be blocking the goalpost.” you smile and the two of you make your way onto the pitch. Since the groundskeeping team had finished their jobs a while ago now. The two of you walk to the far side of the pitch to the goal box, somewhere along the way Mr. Webbly manages to get his hands on a football and you make your way down to the box, walking under it you stare up at it, reminiscing about the last time you stood under this goal post. It brings a smile to your face. You turn back around to Mr Webbly who has set himself up for a simple free kick.

“Ready out there (y/n)?” 

You let out a deep sigh, “Ready when you are Mr. Webbly!” 

Mr Webbly nods and lines himself up before kicking the ball much harder and faster than you had expected the old man to do. You froze for a second seeing the ball flying right at you, if you dived to catch it you could tear something; if you dived to avoid it, you could tear something; if you stood there, then you defeated the purpose of this entire trip. You could feel yourself panicking as this ball was flying right towards your box. 

That's what happens when we treat mediocrity like they are a godsend. Their ego gets overinflated, and then they crash and burn. Just like (y/n).” 

Your focus snapped back, you were never mediocre, you were great, that's why you played for Man City, it's why you played period, to be the best. You deserve the ego you gave yourself, and you are allowed to be in pain but also allowed to heal. Refocusing on the moment you dove to your left to block or catch, whatever came first. You ended up catching the ball with your full body weight outside the line and held the ball to your chest. Laying on the ground. Your heart was racing and your breath ragged, but in the calmness, you started to laugh, and you laughed so hard you even started to cry. 

Eventually, Mr. Webbly stood over you with a smile and his hand extended out to you. “I think Man City has given you the Alright to move on for yourself.” 

You look up at him and take his hand, “Thank you, Mr. Webbly.” With his help, you are pulled to your feet, and you brush yourself off before handing back the ball. “I needed that.” 

Mr. Webbly takes the ball from you and smiles so proudly at the person you've become, “Anytime you want to visit, just visit. It doesn't have to be for some emotional growth.” 

You chuckle and nod, “I'll keep that in mind.” You reach for your phone in your bag as it has started buzzing. Frowning you take it out of your bag to see whos calling you, the contact that pops up is Jamies, to match the contact name of Jamie Fucking Tartt was a picture you took on Sunday morning while he was over, attempting to carry every extra blanket back to the wardrobe and him looking like Gus Gus from Cinderella when he had all the corn pieces under his chin, but it was Jamie with about 13 blankets folded neatly. You look to Mr. Webbly and smile sheepishly. “Gotta take this.” 

Mr. Webbly waves you off as you walk away, picking up the phone call, and heading back towards the entrance you came in at. “Hey Jamie-” you barely got two words out before he interrupted you. 

“I know you are going through something, and I dunno what it's like to have to retire early and not be able to cope, but we are friends, yah know? At least I think we are friends. I know you might not want to talk about it, but I want to be here for you.” Jamie was ranting, and you honestly felt kinda bad because you were the reason he felt like this. On the other hand, it was rather sweet how worked up he had gotten because he was scared of losing your friendship. 

“I know, and I'm sorry, Jamie. We can talk about this when I get back to Richmond, I'm kinda in Manchester-” you rounded the corner to Jamie staring you down from the entrance. 

“I know,” his voice echoing in the call and the open area, before putting his phone away, “is it weird i followed you cross the country to check on you?” his hands where in his pockets and he seemed to be avoiding eye contact. 

“Depends on your version of things, some would say its quite romantic,” you walk over to him and pull him into a tight hug, catching the poor man off guard. “I'm one of those few that it could go either way. Thank you for worrying about me Tartt.” 

Jamie by this point has gotten relatively used to your rare moments of affection, and hugs you back tightly, “anytime.” 

You two stay like this for only a few seconds, but it was the most peaceful few moments you've had in a long time, separating from Jamie you look at the time on your phone, “Welp we should get going to the station then, grab the train back to Darlington.” you start typing on your phone to purchase the tickets back. 

Jamie shakes his head, “No need,” he starts walking with his keys swinging around his index finger. 

“Don't tell me you drove the entire way out here; petrol is expensive as it is!” you call after him in a hurry. 

Jamie gives you a offended look before laughing, “and you think id make it here in one piece if i took the train? Id probably have one sock left on my body.” he laughs walking you two towards his car. 

Shaking your head, you climbed in once he had unlocked the doors for the two of you, and you bucked up in your seat, “oh poor Tartt not having anything left of him but one of his 50-pound socks.” 

Jamie rolls his eyes turning the engine over and pulled out of the parking spot heading back towards Richmond. “It's a wonder how you're still single.” 

—

The ride back to Richmond went as smoothly as one could expect with the Manchester traffic. You spent most of the drive chatting with Jamie and reading your book; if you were not holding something in your hand, it was dangerously close to holding a certain driver. However, you did fall asleep about halfway through the drive, tired from your emotional rollercoaster you still hadn't even told Jamie about yet. You needed to see Rebecca before you told anyone else around you what you had decided on. Once Jamie had pulled into the car park, he gently shook you to wake you. 

“Rise and shine sleepyhead,” His voice was soft, as if afraid waking you would result in you being startled. To his credit, it was a valid fear and concern. 

You are slow to wake up as its probably the best sleep you've had in a few weeks, but you do stir, glaring exhausted daggers at Jamie, “if it wasn't for the fact that its your car i would go back to bed.” you let out a loud yawn and stretch in the seat before looking around and sigh. “Alright thanks for the lift back.”

Jamie nods, “I can give you a ride home if you want?”

You think about it and shake your head, “ill be ok, i want to get my run in at some point today.” you gather your things before getting out of the car. “Thank you Jamie. I mean it.” you wave before heading into the building. You had made it to the base of the stairs to Rebecca's office seeing she was getting ready to leave, you call up to her, “Rebecca do you have a moment?”

Rebecca had been chatting with Higgins on her way out the door for the day and both stopped talking and leaned over the railing to see who was there, seeing you they both seemed surprised as they both knew you left. 

“Oh! Of course, come on then!” Rebecca headed back towards her office, “my apologies Leslie, do have a good night though,” she gave him a pat on the shoulder. 

Leslie nodded and smiled politely, “thank you, you too Rebecca, good night (y/n)” he wished you as he headed out the door and you wave him off heading up the stairs. 

As you enter Rebecca's office she is setting her coat and bag back down by her desk, she looks over at you with her pleasant smile, “how are you feeling, you left earlier but I hadn't had the chance to check on you.” 

“Ah, I'm alright.” You set your bag down on the floor and sit in the armchair quietly

“That's good, glad you're feeling better,” she grabs herself a glass of water, “so what is it you wanted to talk about?” 

You sit still, staring at your hands for a moment before taking a deep breath, “Rebecca, I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down your offer to be a coach, assistant or otherwise.” you couldn't bring yourself to look at her out of shame. You didn't want to hurt your bosses feelings but you couldn't feel but that you let her down. 

“Oh.”

There was a long silence before the sound of the couch fabric rustling after a moment and Rebeca was now holding both of your hands in her own, comforting and firm, you managed to gain enough courage to look at her. Rebecca gave you a comforting smile, she was disappointed yes but there was understanding in her eyes. 

“Its alright (y/n), i wanted to see you come back to the pitch, not everyone's career trajectory after injury is the same, you're not Roy, you're not Chris Karma, you're you. And what ever you want to do next is your choice.” she gives you a gentle pat  on your hands, “i would just hate to see you leave.” 

Your eyes widen and you shake your head, “oh I'm not going anywhere yet!” you now hold her hands in yours with a strong grip that you barely realize you had, “that i can promise you but you'll have to prepare for that eventually.” 

Rebecca's eyebrow raises in interest and concern, “then what do you want to do (y/n)?”

You smile, a fire in your soul that you didn't realize you'd been missing for such a long time, determination and wanting. 

“Rebecca, I want to play again.” 

TAG LIST @shephard17895 @grandfartvoid @inkwell-isles @esw1012 @gaia-is-sucktastic @shadowyhologramlady @zoleea-exultant @laurens0

[nabi-unveiled]

Nabi Notices (April 15, 2025)

Too many all-night work sessions in a row meant I ran out of energy early last week and skated on fumes until Sunday.

What little energy I had leftover I used to make a list of characters that had also run out of spoons. Feel free to add to that list. It was very much just the characters off the top of my head.

I also had fun doing tag dives into shows I enjoyed in the past. Going forward I may still do an occasional tag dive on a low energy day, but I'll probably add those to queue.

The Things I Noticed This Week:

My watch pattern also reflected this lack of energy. Anything that would typically be a long-form post (like Heesu in Class 2 ) got pushed to the side. Anything that might require a high level of mental processing (like When Life Gives You Tangerines) got pushed aside until at least Sunday. Shows that required no thinking were my bread and butter this week. I also did a lot of rewatches of scenes I had enjoyed recently....just because.

Despite all that, I still managed to take in some new things.

Fabulous Fit

Top Form has great fits. It has had great fits in every episode. I've particularly enjoyed Jin's outfits and when Akin wore Jin's clothes. However, the show has always taken another category in my weekly posts so I typically don't talk about the fits. But this week, Akin's outfit in the smoking shoot was divine. I loved everything about it. I only wish I had gotten a better full body shot.

As a runner up, I also liked this casual fit in Fight for You. I'd definitely wear it - particularly the jeans.

Side note: I find it interesting that both Fight for You and Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist are doing this smaller box, old TV style framing for their flashbacks.

Fascinating Find

I'm partway through Episode 3 of Love for Love's Sake (no spoilers please). But the posts for ep 1 & 2 have triggered some fun discussions. In particular, @dropthedemiurge let me know that pizza bread would be sweet which was fascinating. I had always assumed it was like garlic knots with some toppings kneaded in.

Now being sweet doesn't necessarily mean it would be unappealing to me. I do live in a community where jello is called "salad" on a regular basis.

But it did prompt a big recipe search to try to figure out if I could make the dish at home and test it out. DIY pizza, cheese bread, etc. are regulars in our household rotation anyways. I found all kinds of recipes...some with mayonnaise, some with corn. I kept getting recipes for sausage ppang, and I couldn't figure out if they're the same thing, variations of the same thing or completely different. Again, it was a low energy week. Brain capacity was limited. Eventually, my mini sous chef picked a recipe for sausage ppang that we'll try sometime soon. It may not be pizza bread, but it still looked yummy.

Fantastic Frame

If someone had paid better attention when building Jin Hwan's pinboard in Business as Usual, the info I learned researching the pinboard might have been the fascinating find this week.

But they included pictures from a company with a well-known hallmark that as best as I can tell wouldn't have existed 8+ years ago. Only slightly annoyed 🙄, because that means the smaller details can't be trusted in this show. And in a show relying on partial viewpoints and flashbacks, I WANT to trust the small details.

It's okay though, because the show did give me this scene as a beautiful location for a shared meal.

I love that this feels like their private space, and they have soft light shining on them throughout the scene. It's warm and cozy. Based on the preview, it looks like we're getting more scenes from this location. So yay for that!

Fun Fluorish

I was informed by @dribs-and-drabbles that there's a steamy bookcase scene later on in Cooking Crush. I had only watched the first two episodes of that show before life got chaotic and it fell to the wayside. But I picked it back up so I can enjoy the bookcase scene as intended. I restarted at episode 1 since it had been a hot minute.

The little animations and cartoon moments were a delight this week. It was just the kind of light-hearted fun I needed.

It was a nice touch that Chef had similar stickers on his locker.

Favorite Fragment

For me to consider something a "favorite fragment", it means the line either needs to strike me hard enough when watching to take particular note OR it needs to get stuck in my head.

Most of the shows I watched this week, even ones I really enjoyed, did not have lines like that. Or I was too tired to take note if they did. The exception - When Life Gives You Tangerines. The dialogue in that show ALWAYS hits. However, it hits so hard and so often that I have decided not to include it in these weekly posts. The dialogue in that show deserves its own post....sometime down the road.

So what did I choose this week? I'm cheating. I picked the book quote from Pride and Prejudice that Mark read in My Golden Blood.

"I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."

Because that's my truth on SO many different levels.

My Queue for the Coming Week:

As always, it's really up to whim and fancy. There will always be things that I watch that are NOT on this list.

I know I'll watch:

Top Form (Ep 6)

Business as Usual (Ep 3)

Things I'll most likely watch:

Love for Love's Sake (Finish Ep 3; Ep 4)

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist (Ep 4)

When Life Gives You Tangerines (Ep 5)

I'm also hoping to catch up with my writing on Heesu in Class 2 so that I can watch ep 5/6. I think I'm just going to be behind everyone on that one.

[jedisupernova]

fic and blog update - please read!! 🩷

hello!! :D i'll get right to it—my upcoming fic falling for the mafia boss's son, kwon jiyong will not be up by this weekend. a good chunk is still left to be written, and i want to ensure its the best it can be! this weekend was busier than i expected. and if im being completely honest, ive felt a little insecure about my writing since this next idea is something i've never done before. but i am back on track now! its just going to take a little time. it will be yours much sooner than later. thank you for your understanding 🩷🥹

as for a blog update, i will be traveling next month and hope to have something in the queue to post when i'm not as active (hopefully ill figure out that feature by then hehe), so if i'm a little inactive after posting my next fic, you know why 😉

thank you for all of your support and continued love, i am very grateful!! don’t hesitate to say hello!! i don’t know if i said this before, but requests are open if you’re interested!

with sincerity,

honey ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

[dadupbuck]

Buddie AUs over 20k

To catch up on recommending fics in my bookmarks, I'll also try to make some lists instead of posting one fic per post. Though some fics might also still get their own posts even while added in a list.

To start, here are some finished Buddie AUs with more than 20k words

(I made this list in March so it doesn't have any newer fics. Soon I want to spend a day dedicated to catching up to new fics and adding posts to my queue here)

what if you're someone I just want around by ReallySmartLadyMarieCurie

20k, Rated T

"Eddie pauses in his typing, glancing at Buck and trying to figure him out. He seems so eager to help and to please, so willing to take some of the burden in order to make others happy. It’s the sort of presence that Eddie’s been craving in his life. One that he’s missed since Shannon’s fatal accident. And he’s incredibly handsome. He’s got conventional good looks and a beautiful smile, but that pink little splotch above his eye, which Eddie guesses is a birthmark, is really what brings it home."

Or, Eddie Diaz is a successful boxer who's been making a big name for himself in recent years. Buck is a fan, but he certainly never expected to end up at Eddie's house after the man calls 9-1-1 when his son gets sick.

I love the way you spoil me, baby by rosebuddiekin

33,8K, rated E

“I, uh, I was actually at that coffee shop to meet with someone else. You see, for the past few years, I’ve been a sugar daddy on a site that connects people looking for similar things. I was supposed to meet with a prospective baby that day, but then I saw you. And I felt drawn to you, so I messaged the guy I was supposed to be seeing and told him I had to cancel. I just, I thought you should know. That I should be upfront about it from the start.”

Eddie’s fork drops to his plate, making a small clatter. He can feel that his mouth is agape. He’s very glad he hadn’t taken another bite or sip of anything while Buck spoke. Because what the actual fuck? Buck… is a sugar daddy.

OR: Buck is a sugar daddy who wants to spoil Eddie rotten and take care of everything for him. Eddie has never had that sort of relationship but is willing to give it a try. There is plenty of adventure along the way.

Sunny skies & summer high by prettyboybuckley

Sequel to a one shot, 43,8K, rated E


"Well, I kind of want to kiss you right now but that's usually something that happens at the end of a first date, right?" Buck asks, doing a weird movement with his eyebrows in an attempt to be funny.

Eddie chuckles, wrinkling his nose a little.

"I guess, yeah," he mutters. "Think we're doing this a little backward already anyway, so are there any rules to follow?"

He's got a point there, and even then Buck has never really been the kind of guy who follows rules, so he ends up leaning over the center console as he uses one hand to pull Eddie's face towards him. It's a short kiss, a simple peck hello that Eddie chases after when Buck pulls away again.

OR: Buck and Eddie sneak around behind Eddie’s family’s back, spend the summer together, smoke a lot of weed, and fall in love along the way

Kiss me before It's over (if only for a minute) by Bob_loblaws_lawblog

54,2K, Rated E

Evan Buckley is living out his childhood dream as the star hitter for the Philadelphia Phillies. He’s climbing the ranks, improving his stats with every single game – he’s unstoppable.

That is, until the Los Angeles Angels get a new pitcher seemingly out of nowhere. Known for his strong arm and tricky curve balls, Eddie Diaz is one of the few pitchers in the nation who consistently makes Buck strike out, and its infuriating. Even from the sixty feet that separate them between the batter’s box and the pitcher’s mound, the weight of Diaz’s gaze is enough to make Buck’s blood boil.

Because Buck doesn’t get nervous on game day, he never feels calmer than when he steps up to the plate with the bat in his hand – it’s where he belongs. But when he sees Eddie Diaz standing on that mound, his stomach flips and nerves spark across his skin.

Because if there is one thing Buck knows for sure, it is that he hates Eddie Diaz.

… Until he doesn’t.

Traded by princessfbi

23,7K, rated M

Really, it was Lena’s fault. She’d been the one to demand a video when Eddie had finally caved and sent an SOS to the group chat asking if anyone was willing to trade.

“Is anyone interested in trading jerseys with me? Preferably for a smaller size,” Eddie had said because knowing his coworkers, one of them would’ve been a smart ass and gave him an even bigger size. “I ordered an XL because I’m usually a XL but… the way it fits makes me look like I’m fucking one of the players.”

Eddie wasn't trying to go viral. He just wanted to trade his jersey. But then something called Booktok got involved.

Bartender!Eddie Diaz x Hockey Player!Evan Buckley

Snowed Inn by brewrosemilk

31,1K, rated M

Rivaling for a promotion, journalists Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz get sent to a small town where they are each to write a piece on a once illustrious inn and its rich history. For two talented and overconfident authors, it sounds like an easy assignment - but in between a violent snowstorm, blocked roads, heated stares, and a struggling inn, Buck and Eddie may just have to abandon their rivalry and accept each other as partners.

Don't play games (come my way) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

43,1K, Rated E

Buck hates Eddie Diaz.

Ever since his publishing company and Eddie's merged, the man has been nothing but a pain in Buck's ass. The way he nitpicks all of Buck's company emails, the way he spends half his day bickering with Buck, the way he makes Buck's stomach flip and the way he's started haunting Buck's dreams... yeah, it's one hundred percent hate. Definitely. Buck's sure of it.

Because what the hell else could it be?

Falling slowly; sing your melody (I'll sing it loud) by princessfbi

55,3K, Rated E

Buck didn’t like him at first.

Eddie Diaz was all hard lines and strict rules with a bone structure that could cut through glass and scared away his fans. Which... if you asked Bobby, was the point but still!

He also yelled at Buck which was fine. It’s not like it hurt his feelings.

It didn’t.

It didn’t, Maddie!

It also definitely didn’t turn Buck on either. Nope.

Stop it, Maddie!

After a traumatizing home invasion, Bobby Nash decides to hire a bodyguard for his lead singer.

Musician!Buck Bodyguard!Eddie

More fics to be recommended soon!

[comet-wire]

Update! Thank you for the support Mothy it's very appreciated, sweetheart. It means the absolute world to me. 🥺💕/Gen

I've been holding off on an update because I wasn't sure if the rough patch was going to get worse, wait until I actually landed the job I'm at now, and so much more. We are somewhat stable now, still not great but good enough to get by. As per my mom's wishes, I will not be discussing anything regarding what my dad left when he passed as it is extremely personal and my mom wishes to keep it private and I will respect that.

We only really had my grandma helping us financially (aside from the occasional card from close friends of my parents and coworkers etc),but we didn't want to rely solely on her. That's why I was anxious and immediately jumped to doing commissions if I was able to set them up before the job opportunity, but thankfully it came a tad early and I didn't have to open commissions up right away. My worry lied in whether or not the house would be paid off in time for each end of the month, especially since my mom carries all the insurance on my dad and I it kind of sucks all the life from her bank and I was unemployed. (We did manage to get it paid off since that's what my dad would want, it was officially paid on on my birthday, June 3rd.) If anything happens though I will open emergency commissions, but right now if I ever get the chance I'll just do commissions here and there when I get back into art and the swing of things.

I will also be less active or not as frequently active due to my job but also the fact that my mom and I are still very much in shock and going through the grieving process all over again since my childhood dog had passed years prior. I will also keep the original post up for now in case I do open comms and anyone wants to see what I'd start out with and if anyone was particularly interested. I know I haven't posted any recent art either, I've also been in a massive burnout that's been going strong for a little over 3 years unfortunately. I'm slowly trying to learn to love doing art again.

With that, please note that there are help lines/links in my pinned post located in my carrd. If you can help people in need such as families stuck in Palestine, need educating on a subject going on, saving cats in China, etc please take a look! It'll only be a minute of your time and you can help make a change by donating and/or spreading the information.

Thank you for your time, dears. Have a wonderful day!

Hey! I hate to ask for handouts and don't mean to come across as such, as that's not what this is for necessarily. I've been meaning to work on commissions, as in actually setting it up and working on the info itself and with the unexpected passing of my father on Jan 30th, I'm going to try to do just that when I have time or if it comes down to it, if we're stable before or as I'm getting a job it'll be different, there's a hiring freeze at the place I'm trying to get into so the guy will get back to me whenever he can. Right now I'm spending time with family during this time as my mom and I figure stuff out during our free time. My dad was the one who covered the mortgage payments so I just want to help my mom pay for it so we have a roof over our heads, I don't have a job yet and am waiting for a slot where my parents worked and my mom is taking time off and using vacation/sick time to be paid before she has to go back. Issue is, her last paycheck is coming up. We're also trying to figure out stuff with a grief counselor, but I digress. It's only my mom, me and two cats now. The mortgage is a little over $700 a month and I don't want her to do everything by herself and be alone. So, if I open commissions and I'm still drained as it's been hard for me to even pick up a pencil I will start off with small things (like sketch comms, MLP comms, etc) just to get things started. I still have to figure out if I want to open a shop of my own or mess with sites like redbubble, I'm still figuring out Kofi for tips and payments there. I will update with the full information soon once everything is settled if I can. I'm just tired and mentally exhausted, possibly still going through shock, so I haven't felt the energy to keep up conversations so if you think I'm ignoring you, I'm not! I apologize if it's ever come off as such, things have been hectic. Anyways, I wish you all the best and hope all is well!

[ariesqueencobra]

what we used to be | Vl

Pairing: Eli Moskowitz x Fem!Reader

Summary: You're going on a first date! Queue training montage, you make Eli a get well soon card, and you're at the movies!

Warnings: kissing, dangerous activties, mentions of rabies, shots, and hospitals, injury

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: I'm gonna hop on here and post this real quick. It's a cute chapter and I like it! I already know what direction I want this series to go, but the storyline I have in my head might change if this would be considered an insert fic. I'll probably ask for opinions in the future cause I really don't want it to not be an insert fic so be on the look out for that! I also want to stress the importance of reblogging fics, on mobile you can hold down the two arrows button and quick reblog this post so that other people can see my work! Just liking this story won't do anything to help me as a writer, if you really enjoyed reading it, just do the simple thing and reblog! It would also be appreciated if you commented! Doing those things tell me people want to read this story and want more, which will encourage me to keep writing!

Thank you to those who already reblog and comment, I see you and I love you all for it!

I don't consent to this work being copied, translated or reposted.

“Eli, where are we going?” You chuckled, holding onto his hand as he led you through the forest.

The leaves crunched under your feet and the breeze made you shiver so you were grateful you listened to him when he told you to bring a sweater for your first date. Though, you still weren’t sure where that would be or what it was. 

You hoped it was romantic, this being your first-ever date after all, but when you almost slipped on some mud, you weren’t too sure about it anymore.

“Trust me, you’re gonna love it,” he grinned, holding you tighter and closer. 

You smiled, watching him as he kept his eyes ahead until you turned to see what he was staring at, that’s when you noticed as well. The gasp you let out as you made it onto a dock, the beautiful lake expanding outward, and the trees with orange and yellow leaves made such a breathtaking view.

“You like it?” He asked.

“It’s beautiful,” you shook your head in disbelief, sitting on the edge and letting your feet dangle over the water. “We used to come here all the time, I forgot how amazing the view was.”

“I figured it’d be the perfect spot for our first date,” he smiled, sitting down next to you. “Like old times, but now we can make new memories.”

“So we’re having a picnic?” You beamed, realizing the plastic bag in his hand did hold some purpose.

He handed you the bag and you set it in your lap, rifling through the numerous snacks you loved.

“All your favorites. And your art supplies, I knew you would love to recreate that painting you have in your room,” he suggested.

The scenery was a notable piece in your room, a small collection you had of various locations in the Valley. It was the first collection you ever painted so it was sweet that Eli knew you’d appreciate an opportunity to update a piece.

“Did I ever tell you you’re the best boyfriend ever?” You reached over to kiss his cheek. You were about to reach for your art supplies in your bag when he stopped you, moving your head to kiss you on the lips. It was a long, heartfelt kiss, making you giddy. “Eli,” you giggled pulling away, unable to help your laughter.

“You know you can call me Hawk, right?” He pinched your chin lightly. 

You nodded. “But you’re Eli to me,” you explained, gaze softening. 

“Yeah but Hawk’s way more badass,” he shrugged. 

“I think Eli is just as badass,” you smirked, leaning into his space. 

“I guess just you then,” he gave in. “You can call me whatever you want, babe,” he chuckled, pecking your lips one more time.

You both stayed on that dock for hours until your dad was calling for you to come home. The date was simple and small but it was the most memorable night you’ve had with Eli, your boyfriend.

~

You were standing in the middle of a junkyard, unsure what the purpose of your being here was. But you stood next to Eli and Aisha as you watched as Sensei opened a beer can, chugging it before he wiped his mouth, glancing down at all of you. 

“You’ve trained hard. You’ve gotten stronger, tougher, faster. You’ve done your best. You’re ready for this tournament, am I right?”

“Yes, Sensei!” You shouted.

“Wrong!” He slammed the beer on the ground at your feet.

You flinched when the beverage splashed onto you.

“Your best ain’t shit, if you wanna win the tournament, you gotta give me better than your best, which is why from now on, you’re gonna get my worst. Do you understand?” He shouted.

“Yes, Sensei!”

You felt empowered at his pep talk, ready for whatever he was going to throw at you. While part of your mind was sounding alarms that this was dangerous, you ignored it.

“Are you losers?” 

“No, Sensei!”

“Are you nerds?”

“No, Sensei!”

“Are you sure?”

“No, Sensei!”

You caught your mistake, biting down on your lip to suppress your laugh. And you saw the way Sensei groaned in response before he commanded the group.

“Move those feet! Go!”

He pointed to where there were a bunch of tires lined up. 

Miguel led the way, moving his feet through the holes. Eli was next and you followed behind Eli, weaving your feet through the tires as fast as you could.

“Your enemies are all around you. Destroy them!” Sensei barked.

You began wreaking havoc, smashing the end of the wood plank into the car doors, it was fun and funneling so much anger and hate out of you.

After the short-lived destruction, you were led to a container filled with scrap metal and glass, something that uneased you. The feeling of fear bubbled in your stomach but you swallowed it, knowing fear did not exist.

Miguel made it without a scratch. Then it was Eli’s turn to walk the plank and your breath hitched when his foot slipped. Thankfully he made it and you were able to say you still had a boyfriend. When it was your turn, your legs shook, arms held at either side of you. You crossed, a smile on your face and your boyfriend waiting on the other side with a victory kiss.

Going back to the tires, you were already out of breath, the exhaustion coursing through you and it showed with the rest of the team when Aisha tripped, causing Miguel to fall, then you, then Eli—all on top of each other.

Groaning in pain, Eli’s elbow dug into your back and you tried to get off Miguel without hurting him as well. 

“Sorry,” you winced, pushing off your friend’s back once Eli was off you. “You alright?”

“Yeah, Aisha, you good?” Miguel asked to which she nodded, face contorted in pain.

Sensei ordered you all to stand in the middle of the scrap yard, something in his hand.

“If you wanna win, you gotta be hungry. Are you guys hungry?” He handed each of you a piece of jerky.

You grimaced at the smell, wondering if you had to eat it. 

“Yes, Sensei!”

“Good, 'cause so are they,” he smirked before blowing a whistle, barks following through.

Your eyes widened and you immediately bolted, jumping onto a car and finding the highest place. Your heart raced as you searched for your friends but as you scanned over the yard, all you could find was a terrified Eli as he attempted to escape a starving dog. 

~

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” You asked, hand tracing over the bandages. 

It was hours later now and you came over to see your boyfriend after he had to go to the hospital for a rabies shot. You wished you could go, but it was agreed among both your parents that you’d visit him after.

“Yeah, I got pain meds for the bite, the shot didn’t even hurt,” he smirked, lying in his bed. 

“I was scared to death,” you blew out a breath. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” you couldn’t help it and threw your arms around him.

He hugged you back, squeezing you tight as you held on. “I’ll live, nothing to worry about, babe,” he reassured.

“I know,” you pulled away, face down. “I spoke to my parents when you were in the hospital, this whole incident made them less happy about me being in Cobra Kai,” you admitted.

“My parents agree,” he sighed, glancing out into the hall where his mom and dad were downstairs. “But they don’t know how much better it’s made us,” he grabbed your hand, squeezing it. 

“I know,” you squeezed back. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

“Me too,” he met your gaze, smiling. 

“I made you this, by the way,” you reached behind you and grabbed the card you made him.

It read: “Damn, got bit by a dog? That’s ruff, hope you get better soon!” with a drawing of a dog with a mohawk.

“That’s amazing,” he laughed. “Thanks, you’re the best,” he reached over to kiss you on the cheek.

Warmth radiated before you spoke. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, goodnight,” you hugged him again, pulling away and giving him a generous peck on the lips. 

He watched as you left his room, hearing you go down the stairs, say bye to his parents, and shut the door.

~

Your gaze was on the movie but Eli’s constant flicking of candy at other moviegoers was distracting. On top of Aisha asking what was wrong with Miguel. Their conversation was anything but whispering. You began droning in on their conversation, Miguel saying why Sam’s dad would hate him and whatnot. 

You were eating some popcorn, taking a sip of your drink, and trying to watch the movie but the side conversation and Eli’s distracting movements were well, distracting.

“Jesus Christ, you’re such a nerd,” he insulted Miguel, stepping into the conversation.

You furrowed your brows, reaching for his hand, sending him a look he brushed off. You rolled your eyes, leaning to the side to rest your head on his shoulder. You smiled when you noticed he paused, staring at you with awe.

Aisha went on to comfort Miguel and you were enjoying the movie again but Eli still managed to throw the candy, pissing you off. 

You straightened, leaning on the other side of your seat, and rested your head on your arm, staring bored at the screen. 

“Dude, just go over there. It’s an alpha move,” your boyfriend responded to what Miguel was talking about. With another flick of his wrist, a candy hit the back of someone’s head, instantly, a built dude stood up asking who did that, you had to hide your smile at the look on Eli’s face.

After the movie finished, you and Aisha departed from the boys, deciding to go shopping.

“You seemed pretty pissed at Hawk, something going on?” She asked when you entered a store. 

“He was being annoying, like why throw candy? It’s wasteful, just watch the movie!” You scolded, rolling your eyes. “I love the dude, but, ugh, sometimes he’s just,” you huffed, unable to find the words.

“A boy?” She finished for you.

“Exactly,” you shook your head, a smile coming on your face.

“This is one of those moments where the saying “boys will be boys” is actually justified,” she raised a brow. 

“You get me,” you sighed. “I’m so glad I have a girl friend,” you wrapped your arm around her, walking further into the store.

“Tell me about it,” she agreed.

[eliotlime]

End of October Update

There's got to be a less clunky way for me to title these things but maybe I'll figure it out after a few posts.

Anyway at the top of the order I want to say that uh... the Abacelsus zine is not happening by halloween unforch.. I just started school part-time and it being part-time is still kicking my ass! So tentative release date will be on 11th November unless something else happens....

On the plus side I'm done with the cover so all that's left is the back page and cramming all 24 pages full of drawings 👍

-> As I've said at the end of my previous post I want to make more blog style posts so here's me trying to do that, more under the cut

🔐Abacelsus Zine

I'm still deciding on whether i want to print it A5 or B5 but I'm leaning towards A5, though for the digital release it doesn't really matter lol

As mentioned, I'm done with the main cover so I just need to fill this entire thing with stuff, I said 24 pages but really the total page count is 30. I'm just not counting the cover and the blurb stuff.

I'm half taking a break with this at the risk of burning myself out and half paralysed with starting it. Plus I've kind of been more into Axl & I-no hilariously but I'll always love A.B.A. I think the lack of any real info really lends her well to interpretation which is always fun.

I've never really been one to engage in fandom so I'm probably going to be doing my own thing. That being said if anyone has any suggestions feel free to drop them in my strawpage or ask box :)

🥤 Strawpage & General Socials

The bugs make my pages so decorative, I gotta draw more bugstyle guys.

Speaking of strawpage, I made one of those! It was really fun, I have a short OC info tab with descriptions of some of my main guys. I'd love for you to check it out.

This kind of acts as my ask box for twitter since there's not one there and apparently it's basically my main social media site these days so I'm just mirroring my experience here over there too.

Hilarious timing considering that it's basically collapsing on itself once again, I'll probably still be on that damn site until it implodes but I also have a Bluesky account for those that care about it.

The sky follower bridge extension is really useful for bulk following people from twitter to bsky

I'd love to post there more but there's not a queue function and that's very important to me as someone who is not American and lazy to remember optimal timings.

Did you see? I also have a new pinned for this blog! Wanted to make a new one for a while now, always thought the old one was so freaking long. All the old info is still on my about and faq page though I don't know who actually looks at those.. a relic from years past..

☹ School

Sigh, like I mentioned earlier I'm doing school again! At my big age, but I'm having fun so far! It's part-time but it's still kicking my fucking ass! It's the main reason why I'm a little disoriented this month honestly.

Do you like it? I spent an entire Sunday making my class miro board look niceys and then proceeded to get nauseous from cybersickness afterwards LOL

I'm doing a UI/UX course and I have to say the funnest part about it is making personas, it's like making OCs. Don't particularly like writing though.. but also that's a lie considering the numerous amount of paragraphs in this blog post alone haha

🎁 Merch

I've also gotten confirmation that I'll be boothing again next year in Febuary! So I gotta start locking into making more stickers and general merch. I say this a lot but I do need to look into opening an online store because I just have tonnes of stickers and stuff lying around waiting till the next time I do a convention which is kind of a shame.

Oh, but I will say that if you are from Singapore and would like anything from my previous convention catalogue feel free to shoot me a DM on instagram and I can mail it to you locally, shipping's $2 SGD.

➰Closing Thoughts

All in all, been kind of busy this month with school and various loose threads from September but overall I think I'm doing better! I've also been cooking lately and truthfully that's my biggest achievement this month haha, been also getting really into canned fish. Yummy!

Oh and a last thing is that I've been itching to animate again so I'll end this post with a WIP of a gif I did last night/morning. I almost always never finish my animations but here's hoping this one actually makes it to the colouring stage haha

No prizes to anyone who can guess who these two because of course.

Thank you for reading! I know I can't expect everything to be done in a single month but I just wish I could do everything without getting tired or cybersick! If you'd like to support me, here's my ko-fi page and my itchi.io & gumroad as well.

If you have any questions or just generally want to talk to me, my DMs and askbox is always open! Any professional enquires can be sent towards my email as well: eliotlime@gmail.com

XOXO, Stay weird!

-Eliot :)

[f4t4-m0rg4n4]

Fair Winds and Following Seas

Alright, so there's not actually much I can really say for obvious reasons. But basically, I've been called off to the wet and I'm not going to have access to any form of internet for a couple months or so. Still, figured I should get out some sort of alert.

I'll be disappearing Monday, just getting this out now for any mutuals want my discord to bug me with. The queue will run until it's empty, so if it looks like I'm active it's actually a mercat behind the screen occasionally batting the "post" button. It also probably posted this message. Give it salmon.

IRLs, you know how to reach me. Everyone else, feel free to spam my asks and DMs, I'd love to go through them when I get back.

@vrillopurpura, @prince--esque, @drifterslittlemuffin, @dredgen-dumbass, @spaydekingcayde, I absolutely loved bouncing ideas off you guys. Looking forward to doing that again when I get back.

@watchers-cafe and @utahraptorfun, not much to say that I haven't already said in person. Love you guys, you're cool, you're on the "bother first" list. I'll keep y'all updated.

@gerda-3 and @crow-posting, looking forward to starting stuff back up. I'll try and remember to drop something in your inbox, and if you see me before I remember you're welcome to poke me with a harpoon. Crow, please send me a DM with the last RP post on Sunday. I will lose the thread.

Anyways, that's about it I think? Like I said, spam my inbox, spam my DMs, I'm not joking when I say that I'd appreciate it. Spam me on Discord if you have it (for mutuals only: if you ask I'll give it to you).

See you all around, and as I said in the title: Fair winds and following seas.

[tams-writeblr]

Love in a hopeless Place 40

Synopsis: She was barely grown up, when she stepped into the bar that was the center of Zaun's resistance. The people she met there would forever change her life, and one of them especially. Silco x reader/OC; first-person POV; overall rating: E for Explicit; canon-compliant (though I might make a stretch on the timeline here and there to make things fit my symbolism); age gap! (younger female, older male); 9 chapters; 45k; cis female reader/POV; no beta-reader; completed Chapter ratings/warnings: G for General, mentions of wounds and death, mentions of suicidal thoughts, present tense! Wordcount: 1.2k Author's note: Hi and welcome to the last part of my fanfic. I gotta admit, putting this down to paper and then into my computer and onto my blog has been quite the haze. I was writing this think like a mad man in under three weeks starting Jan. 3rd. Now I've published it completely on this side and by now it should also be already cross posted on ao3. HERE should be the link xD Thanks to everyone interested in my stupid story that I've first and foremost have written for my own pleasure. I don't know how many people this actually read here, I put this all in the queue and just let it run through but I hope, some of you liked this journey. Maybe once I'll come back to this story, work it over and fix the pacing (Act III is literally half of the story). But maybe I don't after all this is just a hobby. Maybe I didn't even get a single comment on this, who knows. I'm not tumblr famous or anything and if nobody decided to spread my writing, it might go down in Tumblr's nirvana. But I have it here forever, and that's fine. Comments would be appreciated! If anybody would be interested in seeing more of this universe, feel free to hit me up with questions or suggestions. I'm also willing to expand on Jinx's and Ekko's fate. (Timebomb for life!)

Today's music recommendation: Coldplay - Fix you

<- previous | next ->

Act III

Chapter III

Part 3/3

"And now you show up in front of my door and tell me, that it's your fault, Silco is dead." My eyes wander over the broken frame of the blue-haired girl on my sofa.

"I told you, it was an accident." Jinx looks horrible, her hair is cut short, only her bangs fall over her face. There are badly healed wounds all over her arms and, I suppose, whole body, but she covers it with a dirty old shirt. Her pants are completely destroyed. But she still wears Silco's stubbed belt and gloves. There's a scar running across the side of her face, only missing the eye by a finger's breadth. If she wasn't looking up to me right now, her hair would cover it perfectly. "I've changed. I promise. It were the voice in my head." Her own voice breaks, and tears dwell out of her gleaming pink eyes.

I hadn't seen her since the night she almost died, so I didn't know about that change until now. The color of Shimmer makes my skin crawl. I'm still sinking to my knees to hug her in an embrace.

Jinx had always been that broken kid to me.

But I didn't have it in me, to fix her. Maybe I now have it. "It's fine," I breathe. "We'll figure it out. It was right that you came to me."

She hugs me back, and we stay like this for what feels like forever.

Then I get back on my feet. "You should take a bath. I'll go fetch some new clothes for you. My pre-pregnancy stuff could fit you."

She smiles at me weakly, and I guide her through the nursery. She tries to peek at the baby, but I shove her to the bathroom. 

When I place a white blouse and some cargos on a counter, she's already in the tub. 

"Can I see her, please?", she whispers.

I walk over to her and help her clean her back.

She's thick with dirt. There is still scurf on some wounds.

"We should have you see a doctor, kiddo. Maybe they can do something against that scaring."

"I don't care," she admits. "Everyone should see that I'm broken."

I sigh and place my head against hers. "You're not broken. You're perfect the way you are."

She looks at me with eyes wide open as if she sees a ghost.

I stand, patting her hair. "Take your time. Then you can meet your sister." I hear her sniffle as I turn around and wipe away a tear myself. I wait for her in the nursery. From the money Sevika sent me, I had bought a rocking chair.

My daughter is sprawled out on my chest, almost asleep.

Finally, Jinx steps out of the bathroom, her hair still wet. She drags the stubbed belt through the loops of my pants. She's so thin, of course, not even my pre-pregnancy clothes fit her right. In the neat white blouse, she almost looks like an accountant herself. She carefully walks over to us, bare feet leaving no noises at all on the wooden planks. "Hey baby," she coos.

I turn my daughter so she faces Jinx. "Look, Soie, this is your older sister, Jinx. She came all the way from Zaun to find us."

Soie seems unimpressed by the sight of the blue-haired person in front of her, but Jinx's bright eyes are glittering.

"She's so tiny."

"Midwife says she's average," I huff a laugh.

"I bet she'll have Silco's eyes."

I make a vague noise. "Babies' eyes change with time. It's not said they'll stay as light." Though I already noticed a shift to a more green blue in the few months she's been there.

"I'll protect you from all the mean bullies out there, promised," Jinx coos, and now Soie cracks a smile at her.

"I guess she likes you," I admit. "You want to hold her?"

Jinx makes a defensive gesture. "Oh, I wouldn't know how."

"Not a problem, sit down." I get out of the chair and let her take the place. "There you go," I hum as I place the baby in her arms.

Soie stays calm, only examines the new face throughout.

"See, I told you she likes you." I see tears brim in Jinx's eyes.

It's ironic to see my daughter in the arms of the person who killed her father. But then I also just see a proud elder sibling holding her baby sister. There isn't much left of the Jinx she used to be a year ago.

I watch the pair get to know each other, then quickly go to get a picture for Sevika.

It was her, that sent Jinx to me.

I finally put down Soie for her nap and invite Jinx for some tea. As we walk out of the nursery, her eyes land on the jacket that hangs besides the door.

"That's Silco's," she mutters and rests a hand against the gruff fabric.

"Yes, it used to be. But it also used to be mine. I haven't seen it in 14 years, but Sevika found it for me."

Even after all these years, it still smells faintly like I remembered it. Even if my perfume also lingers on the inner lining.

I bite my lip to stop tears from bubbling up again. "Come on, help me in the kitchen."

"I'll be right there," she murmurs and walks back into the bathroom. When she joins me in the kitchen, she has a pile of leather in her hands. "Do you think we could fix those?"

I recognize Silco's old working cloves. They are full of holes and tears. I take them in my hands to inspect them. "You know, I work for a hatter. I could have his people take a look at them."

"I would like that," Jinx replies.

We finish preparing the tea, and we sit down at the dining table. We say nothing, but the quiet is comfortable.

I dance around asking for the inevitable. But it finally breaks out of my mouth. "So, only Sevika knows you're still alive?"

Jinx nods. "It's for the better if everyone thinks I'm gone for good."

"What about Vi?"

Her gaze drops into her tea. "She's best off without me. You know, a friend of mine told me about another timeline he saw, in which Vi is dead, and I am the happy one. In this timeline, I should be the dead one, and she should be happy."

I am confused by how literal she means "saw another timeline", but I decide not to ask too many questions. "And this friend? Does he know?"

Jinx looks at me, eyes wide. "Of course not. Ekko would instantly run to Vi."

"Ekko?!", I beam, remembering the little boy that Benzo had taken in. "I thought he was dead too!"

Jinx shifts in her seat. "Thank the Gods, he's not. He saved me. Us all." Her gaze grew distant, and her fingers brush over the short hair on her neck.

I sigh, but don't want to dig into her much further. "If he saved you once, he might be glad to hear you're still around."

We finish our tea in quiet, then Soie demands my attention again.

After she is settled again, Jinx comes to me, a crooked smile on her face.

"You don't happen to have a postcard?"

I laugh and place my hands on her shoulder. "I even happen to have stamps."

[the-one-who-lambs]

I wasn't originally gonna post these since I don't consider them done (well, with the first two, I don't know if I'll do anything else with them but I don't think I'd be able to call them "done" anyway) BUT since I'm trying to document my learning process anyway I'm posting. did some lambs practice

@littl3d0ll-art's laMB ARGH I meant to put a sash around the waist but I need to get ready for bed so I can't fix it now RIP ANYWAY CHECK OUT THE EYES OF DEATH AU and the most fucked up lamb I've EVER seen which is. actually quite impressive for this fandom. Anyway I made a custom lineart brush a few days ago and used it for the first time and actually??? it slaps???? I think it's just a matter of me figuring out perspective/proportions/technical stuff but I'm satisfied with the progress I've made on doing lineart just by using the brush i made wow

@isoparty HAS SUCH A COOL LAMB DESIGN WHAT THE FUCK thank you for letting me use Rori as a test subject!! With the sketch I tried to position the legs beneath the skirt before drawing the skirt so it looks kinda wonky on purpose so i could figure out posture, hopefully I'll be able to make a cleaner sketch later on! There are still aspects of the posture I need to clarify but here's the rough draft of the rough draft

Aaaand this one I didn't finish before I realized Oh Shit I Need To Eat Dinner Right Now but I started sketching allimore's lambso wait where is allimore? oh here @meowgin hi here's SOME of your lambsona!! I wanna make the wool bigger when I go over it i think but I found a nice side profile ref and wanted to try a side :o

Thank u all for being so supportive as I learn a (sorta) new skill!!! besides these 3 I have 5 more lambs on the hit list in the queue

[ashbpagain]

✨ Hi again ✨

My old blog has been flagged, so here I am again. All my uncensored/longer vids will be on my twitter (it's free, I just enjoy being a slvt online). Check rb and my #, cause I might censor a lot and use placeholders (i added some, it's usually memes but you'll know it's to hide something more interesting 🤭). I'll be kinkier here but all the visual content will be better on the bad blue app.

This is a nsfw blog, don't follow/interact if you're a minor (I WILL check if you have your age in bio/intro and block if needed). I'm a trans dude, if you're not into men you won't be into me.

it's gonna be a long post and I might edit this every now and then so check it out sometimes

If you have any more questions, my dm/asks are open ! I love attention !! Dm are easier with mutuals, but I try to answer to everybody

👋 Me and this blog 👋

- Ash (or whatever you want as long as it's masc/neutral, we'll see what I like)

-24 yo

- Pan, switch (very 50/50), poly (taken, not looking for more romantic relationships)

- Bratty obediant sub / sadistic soft dom

- He/him

- almost always horny and high

- French, but doing my best in english

- been on T for a year, top surgery coming soon

- horny long posts (storytime or daydreaming) will be under #ashbp.txt

- pics/vids will be under #ashbp.png

- asks will be under #ashbp.ask

- I'm using the queue a lot, so I'm not always here BUT I come very often check to answer asks/dm

😈 My kinks 😈

(works as a sub and as a dom tbh)

- teasing/edging/overstimulation

- praise/degradation

- restriction (being tied up (or tie up someone)/blindfold/handcuffs...)

- worship (i can spend hours caressing, kissing. biting, sucking... Still feel all flustered when it's done to me)

- big toys (I need MORE)

- lingerie / dressing up sexy (even a big tshirt and a cute (or no) underwear, i love seeing your bodies :p)

- wax play

- exhibition

🫣 Maybe? 🫣

(I'm ok with it but not actively attracted to, or still trying to figure out if I rly like it or I just like the idea of it)

- pet play (as a master)

- free use / cnc / intox (weed and alcohol)

- somno (but more like when falling asleep / masturbate next to you when you sleep (or vice versa), not waking me up by sticking it in (or waking you up like that)) [ofc with the consent of the other everytime]

- dumbification/being brainless

- breeding (NOT pregnancy)

- pain ? I wanna see how far I can go (or how much my sub will endure for me)

- i guess more bdsm parts i wanna explore but can't think of any more rn

⛔ No nos ⛔

- cishet men (rly why are you here) / terfs / zoo / racists / ableists/ any kind of bigot actually

- bodyfluids (scat/uro/spit...) A facial is ok, but playing" with the result is a big no no

- detrans/misgendering (I might do it to someone if they're rly into it, but misgender me and I'll block you)

- pregnancy

- actual rape/violence

[ectogeo-art]

WIP TAG GAME

I was tagged by @sapphosewrites to share a sentence or excerpt from my WIP(s) that start with the letters SHARE. I was also tagged by @dreamerdrop to do the same with the word SNAKE. And then I was tagged by @maeselc for the word WORTHY. So, uh, I'm gonna do them all because I love this shit and I have sentences and WIPs aplenty, but I'll put it all under the cut so that the post is not super long lol. These come from a wide variety of my WIPs, so good luck trying to figure out the context of any of these sentences lmaooo ^_^ <3

Also, I have no idea who has been tagged yet in the weeks(?) that this has been circulating our corner of tumblr... I'll no-pressure tag @hellostuffedtiger and @nostalgia-tblr and @walkingstackofbooks and @ernmark and anyone who wants to do this (or even anyone who wants to do this AGAIN, if you want to share more sentences!!!). My word for you is HEART. <3

SHARE

S: Sisko had no idea how he’d made Dukat think they were familiar enough to be on a first-name basis. 

H: He clawed at Sloan trying to get away, but those bony fingers held his hair with a vice-like grip and his own nails skated ineffectually across leather.

A: After a heartbeat and a soft inhalation, Garak’s hands tentatively alit on his back. 

R: Romantic/sexual entanglements, especially those cemented by falsified soulbonds, are a well-tested and well-established way to increase a target’s closeness and trust with an operative, often even leading to their willing recruitment.

E: Every day, every lunch, every radiant smile, Garak would stumble a little closer toward letting something foolish and desperate slip from his lips.

SNAKE

S: “Speaking of bastards,” he said somewhat more affectionately, “have you talked to Garak yet?”

N: “No? But it sounds so interesting. Certainly more engaging than these worthless chips.” He flicked his entire stack, currently the tallest by a slim margin, sending them all clattering to the floor. 

“Hey, now, let’s not—”

“I’m not sure that I’m comfortable—”

“Precisely. I’m a very private man myself, as you know, but it’s specifically the fact that it’s uncomfortable—for all of us—that might give the game a sense of real stakes.”

A: An unsettling grin spread slowly across Garak’s face. “Tell me, how far are you willing to go to shake him off?”

K: Keiko couldn’t begin to fathom how Miles had turned Gilora down.

E: Each time Ross won the bid, Garak would flash his intense blue eyes at Sisko conspiratorially in a way that made something in Sisko stir more pleasantly than he would have liked. Each time, he and Garak worked together flawlessly, always leaving perfect openings for the other to attack. And then on the next hand it would all reset, and he and Garak would just as often end up pitted against each other, holding absolutely nothing back as they tried to undermine each other’s plans. 

WORTHY

W: With a sense of dread, he noticed a few others appeared to be forming a queue leading toward his table instead of the usual one leading toward the replicators, and he instantly understood the implication in the way one does within dreams.

O: “Oh, there is always something left to lose.”

His tone was playful but the gravity of his words still sent a chill down Sisko’s spine.

R: “Really?” he said skeptically. “But how can Cardassia lack for conversationalists?”

T: They held each other in a vice grip, fingers digging into flesh, grunting their pleasure and pain, arching toward each other but always stopping just short of a kiss. 

H: He couldn’t imagine who he’d have to become in order to fall for someone like Sloan. 

I fell for Garak, though, didn’t I? he thought with a dark lurch of his heart.

Y: “You think I don’t know about you finding excuses to hold his hand? Your embraces? Whatever you two did on that runabout you took to Bajor? There was nothing friendly or innocent about the way he behaved around you, but you knew that and encouraged it, even when you were greedily taking my love and attention too.”

[metfell]

<- posts about c!beeduo still in 2025

🕊 RIP old pinned 9/24/2020-5/7/2023 you had a good run o7 🕊

CARRD | PRONOUNS.CC | KO-FI | TWITTER | FR LAIR 68141

BOUNDARIES AND ASK FAQ BELOW THE CUT:

BOUNDARIES:

I block liberally. please don't ask me or my friends why I have you blocked, it's probably nothing personal.

I am not going to tell you how I figured out I was a system, and I am equally not qualified to tell you if YOU are a system.

I am not a therapist I am just some guy(s).

Do not jokingly insult me if we are not friends. Do not call me bitch, whore, slut, etc. I do not know you. Even if we're mutuals, please ask me first.

Dreamwastaken fans do not fucking interact. honestly in general cc!dreamteam fans do not interact.

Will Gold/ cc!Wilbur Soot fans do not interact.

You can ask me to tag for anything, though I may say no. I will sometimes ask you why you want something tagged, and that's so I can better accommodate that tag in the future. if you do not want to divulge that information, that's fine with me I get it, it's a personal thing.

Spam asks will be IP blocked. This means you will never be able to send me an anonymous ask again. Think before you send me an ask.

Please keep comments about my art in the tags, not the body of the post.

Spam liking/reblogging is perfectly fine, I don't mind at all. Just queue or reblog my art if you're going to spam-like it.

Ask me for permission before using my art in edits or stimboards.

Icon usage does not require asking me, but please add credit somewhere easily visible like your description or pinned post.

I don't use tone indicators unless I believe my message could genuinely be misinterpreted. Examples would be sarcasm or teasing.

If you do use tone indicators with me, please put the whole word. Examples: "/copypasta" "/joking" "/lighthearted".

FAQ:

Q: What art supplies do you use? How long have you been drawing? Do you do commissions?

A: I use 8x11 Strathmore Sketch books, and a very very large collection of Copic, Arrtx, and Ohuhu markers. For paintings, I use Strathmore Bristol paper in either size 11x14 or 18x24, and a mixture of various liquitex acrylic paints. A: I have been drawing since around 2010! A: In general, no. However, I actually will take commissions if you message me through Flight Rising and trade me treasure, gems, or rare apparel items! My Flight Rising followers get only the best <3

Q: Can we be friends?

A: Despite how extroverted I may seem, I'm actually incredibly nervous about speaking to new people. Send asks off anon, add tags to my art, and just hang out, and I'll probably consider us friends! If not, it's nothing personal, I'm just cagey.

Q: What is with the Ranboo's secret tumblr bit?? ..... Are you?????

A: No, it's just a running joke from 2021 lmao. Ranboolive has his own actual tumblr now but people just love pretending like I'm still his secret account

hey guys I made a new pinned are you proud of me anyways like the post if you read all of this