#[redacted] if you're reading this no you didn't

[eclipsejynx]

i head cannon that he named himself "Midnight" (who is also an OC in a book i'm writing).

he went with it to kinda go with the matching thing he has with Dream, and I feel like both before and after the corruption, he liked the color "midnight blue" because it was a reference to the night sky in his favorite book. he always liked the stars and the sky because of how fascinating it was just an endless void full of stuff that some people didn't even know existed. The name "Midnight" stayed like a nickname for himself, though. Like a name he uses for personal use only instead of telling people. It's similar to a trans name. "Nightmare" is like his dead name, and "Midnight" is his new name, but he's surrounded by "transphobic people" (aka the village), so he has to keep it to himself. I try to make my Nightmare trans-coded because it fits him well in my opinion.

This has two ways it can go after the corruption, depending on how you see Nightmare:

A. Nightmare is the same person, before and after the corruption

After the corruption, he went back to Nightmare as his name because it matched the whole "evil" thing he had going on. I also head cannon that Nightmare forgot most of his previous life after the corruption due to his head and spine being injured very badly to the point that he gained memory loss, leg problems, and very bad mental illnesses (inspired HEAVILY by @signanothername and @mikimakiboo). Focusing on the memory loss, he forgot fragments of his past, including his fake name. He does get his memory back after a few couple decades. They slowly come back in quick flashes that he has to piece together. After he finds his "new name", he usually disregards it. After using Nightmare for a few more decades, it feels wrong to go by Midnight. He often uses Midnight to refer to his past, naive self instead, not wanting to be linked back to his past.

B. Nightmare and the corruption are two separate entities

Going with the more canon! Similar to how some people name them "Passive" or "Night" for original Nightmare and "Corrupted" for the corruption (obviously), "Midnight" refers to the past, dead version, and "Nightmare" is for the new, corrupted version of him. Dream doesn't figure out about this until a few decades after he's broken out of stone. I'm still figuring out the lore, but I want him to find out about it though the gods. This part was inspired by @ancha-aus, so please check them out!

The gods include everyone from a universe called [ REDACTED ]. There's a whole system, but basically, it's a "category" that all the gods fall under. It's like an area where only gods are allowed, so they can all live in harmony (most of the time) to discuss it. If you're familiar with Greek Mythology, it's like Mount Olympus in a way. Except it's a new universe entirely. There, they can take care of a specified place.

Anyways, Dream found out about the place through Reaper, who sensed the unbalance after Nightmare's first clash with Dream. This unbalanced actually signaled all of the gods! So Dream was taken to the new universe and met all of the gods. These gods gave assistance to Dream, especially with how disoriented he was with meeting other gods. There are books with everyone's story in it, written carefully to make sure the story goes perfectly.

Dreamtale was in a special case due to the story being infected by corruption. This corruption is similar to the goop Nightmare has. Dream later realizes all of his past was a lie. The villagers, Nim, everything.

In that book, it also mentions Nightmare's preferred name, "Midnight". Because of this, Dream always uses the term "Midnight" to refer to his actual brother. Because of this, the Star Sanses didn't realize that Nightmare was his brother because of the fake name.

-----

geez I yapped WAY too much

anyways, credits! (in case you read past)

@signanothername - please notice me I love your rants and your au and head canons are beautiful <3 I would love your feedback, but no pressure!

@mikimakiboo - I love your writing! It's incredible! You're so talented! don't forget to take breaks though. hope I did your disability head canons Justice!

@ancha-aus - I literally inhale your writing it's an unhealthy addiction lol- stay determined!^^

I wonder if passive ever wanted to rename himself (before the apple incident)

Like, Nim legit named them ‘dream’ and ‘bad-dream’. Not only the favoritism (using that loosely cause. nim. Just in general) but the fact he’s been demonized from the start by his own name. Having his twin brother who’s the golden child and loved be the ‘good’ version while he has to be the bad one? That had to hurt, on top of everything else.

His bullies probably used that fact too. “Oh you’re the bad one, it’s literally your name” kind of bs

But then what would he name himself?

Maybe after a character in a book? someone he looked up to/didn’t treat him as badly? maybe even after a plant since he was in nature all the time

Idk. just thinking about the fact passive might have wanted to be named something else, but then when he died and was corrupted Nightmare took on the name as a defining part of himself. It’s his name, it’s what he is so it has to be who he is

And if he was ever reformed/fixed/stopped being evil, would he change it then? Shed the name in order to feel less like the monster he’d been?

[pandoraroid]

GRAAAAAAHHHH guy & honey ibrary au wherein honey is the librarian and guy is a regular at the library but they dont recognize that he's author(?) of the book(?) that they're currently reading

[witheredgardenparty]

I will never forgive a single one of you

[clubsmarties]

"Well, forgive me if I've misread it but didn't seem like it was just unexpected but more like a visceral reaction." At this point he was hopped up on pain meds that he could have read her coming home looking like she did wrong. "Almost like you didn't appreciate the foreign touch." Now he was speaking to his pillow as he rearranged it the proper way. Maybe she wasn't as closed off as she seemed to have him believe.

"No. There's no need. I just wanted the name." Wally was quick to shake his head. More like he needed that name. Things had just gotten complicated for him. Even more so than having that rookie out on the field fucking him up. Which he couldn"t help but think it was Karina's doing. He should have stayed home he began to think. "You're right. Take the day and explore. It is your vacation." Getting himself into trouble was one thing, bringing Elizabeth into it was another. Karina was still riding him over this mission that he needed time to let things cool off. The last thing he needed was to alert her to something else going wrong. As it was this report was going to have a lot redacted. He wasn't going to risk Karina knowing about Liz now that things had gotten a little out of hand with his injuries and a copycat.

As he shifted to his side he kept from screaming out in pain. This was when he finally looked up at her. The dress she had on made him stop and stare a little too long. She looked ethereal. Emerald hues sparkled as they looked at her in the dress. Well, her in general. He was quiet for a moment, smile he gave her was small yet gentle. "You look nice."

"Mm no thank you." he shook his head. Frustration was clear on his features as he still couldn't lift his left arm but he'd manage. At least this time it wasn't his spine. "If I can shuffle my way around I'll review some documents while you're out and about. If I remember the password that is. Enjoy your day, truly." He tried sounding as sincere as possible, actually wanting her to do what she was promised she would get to do. "If you don't mind, could you bring me back a muffin. Not blueberry and not anything with cinnamon sugar. I'll pay you back for it." He needed time to think and force himself to move through the pain. He could not go back looking like this. Karina would for sure pull him off with one of her bullshit reasons.

There was a moment where she wanted to argue just for the sake of arguing. It seemed like for some reason when she was with him, she always just wanted to prove him wrong. Not want to agree with him. His reasoning left her a little speechless, it wasn't like she didn't already know that about him already but something about him saying it seemed a bit sad. Knowing how often he always left, knowing that most were not patient enough for someone who led this life. And he had become her friend, so thinking about her friend longing for something, also seemed a bit sad. the argument that loving one person was setting yourself up for failure was also at the tip of her tongue but something told her to say something else. Something nice. But she could think of not what to say to that. So she said nothing. Nothing about how she's never met someone who could do that, though that was a lie, her best friend and Anna were proof. But they were a million in one chance, surely. Content with letting it slid this once, he needed his rest anyway, she pretended that she didn't hear him say that.

A suck choice. A chuckle came from her. Perhaps it was the darkness of the room that gave her some clarity, no distracting injuried body or emerald eyes to look into to forget the fact he didn't know her. For all the time that they spent together, whether it was her choice or not, he didn't know her. How many 'suck' choices had she had to make in the years since her fathers death? Tears had stung her eyes, but she swallowed them away. After settling with Anna and Charlie, the one thing she had never done before had began to creep in. Contemplating the things she did, the people she hurt, the things she stole, the many choices that she made until that point in her life. The one thing that ate away at her, was the fact that she did not regret a single choice. The monster she had become was a necessary survival choice and given the chance to do it all over again, she would do it all over again. Albeit, maybe a few changes here and there, but she would do it all again.

The morning shower had been a moment of clarity for her. She would take the day for herself. With Wally injured, he'd have to take it easy and she could truly spend this day for herself as it had been promised. She could go into town and play tourist. Just one day couldn't hurt, she even had the perfect outfit. A nice dress she hadn't used in a year.

Once she was dressed, she took her time doing her makeup and hair. In the middle of which she heard a voice. With a small sigh, she listened and realized what this meant. "Morning," she said through the door as she finished her task. "It wasn't an ick." She said as she opened the door to look for dress sandals. "It was just unexpected. And yes. His name is Nolan." Sitting on the couch she put them on as she sighed again. "This wasn't how I was planning on spending today but I'll go down to the beach and talk him up."

Once her sandals were on, she stood up and ran her hands down the front of her dress making sure that none of it had bunched up. "You know, you owe me. This was supposed to be a vacation, now I have to go and flirt with hot surfer guys to get you your kid." It was better to act like she didn't care, she learned that apathy would get her further, and caring would only slow her down and get her killed. She needed to get her head in the game, this was a different stadium and she did not have home-field advantage. "Do you need anything before I head out? I'm going to make some coffee and toast before I leave. Should I have Guillermo take you back to your room?"

[singsweetmelodies]

i think that many people in this fandom should go outside and touch grass for a moment, and try to remember that the drivers irl are not the same as the characters that we use for rpf fics.

"omg but i loved the characterisation of X in Y fic soooo much" that's great... but that characterisation is still not a reflection of who X is irl.

for example. "i can't believe charles said that, why would he say that? it's not who he is :/" girl. maybe that's not who he is in fic, and he probably wouldn't say that in your 21k charlos slowburn fest, but in real life, where he is a real person, he most absolutely can and did in fact say that.

just. it's fine to make the drivers say and do whatever the flying fuck you want in fic, but it's SO important to keep that line between reality and fiction firmly in mind.

[bitchthefuck1]

One of the weirdest things about finding out you're traumatized/mentally ill/neurodivergent as an adult is looking back at all the very obvious signs in your childhood and realizing none of the adults responsible for you were paying attention

[fakemagicjaye]

I HAVE FIVE PAGES. LEFT. TO DRAW.

[gingerbreadmonsters]

wrapped up in clover

or: FOR YOU ARE MINE, AT LAST.

gn!reader, warnings for manipulation, unhealthy romantic relationships and major (canonical) character death, i’m really really sorry. the out-of-nowhere companion to here we are in heaven - look, this is just what happens when you leave me alone with a love song, alright? inspired by ‘at last’ by etta james. takes place pre-cataclysm, with major spoilers for ‘Worth Dying For’. you have been warned! damien throwing stones at glass houses in 1400 words or less.

once again, just to reiterate - warnings for imperium grimdarkness, heavily implied abusive behaviour towards the listener character, major character death, and heavy heavy spoilers for ‘Worth Dying For’. mind the warnings, and you are reminded that you can stop reading at any point if you feel uncomfortable. dead dove: do not eat. reader discretion is advised. minors dni. please consider yourself warned.

We’re happy together.

A crown is not a very easy thing to wear, to be honest.

It’s heavy, and it’s awkward, and it never really sits right on your head. It means that people look at you, and talk about you, and try to use you to get what they want. It means that you have to make speeches on TV, and live in a great big palace, and try not to tear your hair out at the endless stupidity of every godforsaken consul and advisor and High Councillor.

And, worst of all, it means he can’t ever be with you.

People have talked about him since the day he was born. It was to be expected. The only son of Queen-Imperial Sofia, the humanborn woman who rescued the Imperium from the collapse of Emile’s line, who in the most terrifying time of chaos in living memory found clarity. Strength. The foundations of a new age. A heroine of the people, an iron fist in a velvet glove. Turning outwards, ever outwards, from the son she should have loved to the people she claimed to.

What do you do when your mother’s a fairy tale? Pencil drawings can’t kiss you goodnight.

Since before he can even remember, there have been eyes upon him. Upon his face, upon his fate, upon the future of a world that by all known logic should have faltered and died decades ago. The Imperium is his by blood, by right, by determination. If he’s going to be a good king, a great king - and he is, make no mistake - then he might as well give them something to watch.

(That’s you, by the way. They’re watching you. Smile.)

How had you even met? He’s not sure. It’s hazy, the way that memories from when you’re very young tend to be. No matter who you ask, it’s always different - although, to be perfectly honest, it’s not like it actually matters. Semantics. These aren’t the sorts of things they write in history books. You’re here now, aren’t you? Good. Then the matter’s settled.

It is a funny story, though, don’t you think? A little boy with a heart made of sand, dry and coarse and crumbling, falling through his fingers and scraping against his skin. The smell of salt and the rush of the ocean washing over him, soaking through him. Bucket and spade in hand, a sunny afternoon becomes a beautiful palace, covered in shells and pretty stones, and the big round moat is scooped out with two pairs of hands.

How on earth had you managed it? Tumbling into his life, turning his head, teaching him all the things that he’d never thought to learn. One minute you’re his best friend, sitting on a gilded swingset in an ornamental garden. The next, you’re all grown up, framed in the mirrors on the ballroom wall, and he has to fight not to melt his cufflinks at the sight of you dancing with another man.

A sandy, empty soul, covered in grit and salt and seaweed - his palms flare with fire as the breath catches in his chest when you walk by, as the butterflies settle in his stomach when you hold out your hand for him to kiss. Hotter and hotter, until it’s molten glass dripping down his wrists, vitrifying right in front of his eyes. Sparking and glowing with passion, scorching little trails up his sleeves, a hissing chorus of mine mine mine in the furnace of his ribs.

It’s you. It’s always been you. Cool water running through a scalding heart, steam filling his aching lungs until it’s all he knows how to breathe.

Maybe it was all his mistake. It’s possible, you know. Maybe he’d given you too much, too quickly. Maybe he’d overdone it just a bit. Unempowered people can be unstable, unpredictable, reckless - and despite what he’d thought, it turns out you’re no different.

Was it inevitable? Was there anything, was there ever anything he could have done to stop things turning out this way? He isn’t sure. Ever since you two were little, you’ve never been one to keep your mouth shut. The lessons never stuck. Justice is a tricky business, but it helps to have a crown prince on your side - that is, until a coronation changes everything, and you’re both in over your newly-crowned heads.

You’ve always been good at games, no matter the rules. They’ve always said he’s the one with the sharp tongue. Yours, it seems, is made of silver.

Moonlight in your mouth, he’d thought he could save you. The isolations, the therapy, the sessions he wasn’t allowed to know about. You wouldn’t stop talking. The plausible deniability. You wouldn’t stop looking. The gentle hand under your chin gets hotter, harsher, until molten metal spills out over your lips and pours down your throat, coating your teeth and searing the roof of your mouth, but even now you still don’t stop.

It’s unfortunate. What’s the phrase? Morbid curiosity, maybe. You, wanting to see how far you could push before it all came crashing down on your head. Him, wanting to see just how you’d look when, one way or another, you finally broke. Can you really be a martyr if nobody even knows you were alive in the first place?

Stacks of paper crumble into ash, bridges burning in your wake. Justice isn’t blind, and the walls have ears. This isn’t the sort of court you were made for.

There have always been some rather… antiquated Imperial traditions, it’s true. Some are nicer than others, but most have stood the test of time. Old habits, old ways that he’s never really seen the point in arguing with. It would be more trouble than it’s worth, to waste time trying to get rid of them.

One of those traditions is that, depending on the magical race of the Monarch-Imperial, the practices of the Imperial government are changed accordingly. Most of the time it’s little things, like the embossments on the paper or the colour of the accents on the curtains. Insignificant. Inconsequential. What’s that saying again? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Ah, traditions. Watching them light the kindling at your feet, he’s starting to think that maybe he should have fixed this one.

(It could have been worse. Imagine if he’d been a shifter.)

It’s fine. You’re fine. Fire has always been kind to you, hasn’t it? Well. He’s always been kind to you, and as far as anyone here is concerned, that’s the same thing. That’s what this is, then. Kindness. Benevolence, of the sort he thinks you’d be proud of. The suffering of one for the good of many - and you’ve always been the type to take everyone’s burdens on yourself. You must have known. Wasn’t this what you wanted?

You won’t struggle, will you? No? Good. It will all be over soon.

A glass heart, cold and hard and utterly bulletproof. Perhaps you were right. Perhaps he really is too possessive. What does it matter now? Allow him this, just once more. Flames bite at the soles of your shoes, but you don’t say anything. You’d better be quick. You don’t have long. Looking at him, you’re looking at him, but not like everyone else does. They look, but you see. The boy he was, the man he’s become. What do you see now?

You’re mine, and I’m yours, and nothing in this world is going to change that.

No more second chances. Ashes to ashes and all that. You have always, always been his. What a shame, that this is how you choose to prove it. The element of his control, and the one thing he could never master. How poetic. Hotter and hotter - through the smoke, silver starts to melt, bubbling over cracked, blistering skin.

In all the shapes and forms that you take in my life.

The ultimate act of surrender. Glass bubbles in your blood - the smell of salt, the sound of the ocean, and a lovely sandcastle covered in shells. In life, you gave yourself to fire. One way or another, you were always destined to burn.

take a trip to the other side of the mirror?

masterlist

this is an original work by @gingerbreadmonsters - please do not repost or misattribute

[neon-angels-system]

I miss you

[inkskinned]

okay if you're really cool about things, i can be honest with you. before you read further, decide if you're a girl's girl. if you're cool and actually cool or like not cool.

men don't talk in my book because i was fuckken tired of the way they're the center of every fucking story. i was tired of how every story takes a moment to let them talk. men can shut up for literally one fucking book.

unfortunately not everyone is cool. professionally what i usually say is i didn't want to add violence to the world. the only men in my book are abusers, so they don't get to talk. they don't get to take up space. they ruined my life, they don't get to have their words echo anymore.

because like, yeah! you find practically any story about a person surviving trauma and... there's a man at the center. men are often rescuing us from these things. a "good man" is always standing around, being a good man, proving to the victim that good men are the real men. that her experience was unique rather than universal.

the redacted text has not been taken well by all of my early readers. there is this weird, crouching growl that keeps occurring with men-of-a-certain-age. why don't we hear his side of the story?

when i sat down to write everything that happened to me, i couldn't look at the frank brutality of my abuser's words on a page and think to myself: i actually let him speak like that. i had to redact his words from the manuscript. i then left it redacted. no victim is going to read this book and hear the person who hurt them. it is a book for the victims to speak. abusers shut up challenge, forever. for eternity.

my father once told me, chuckling, i should just have a page of redaction where i let the man just finally talk. it is funny to joke about how we should make a whole page in my book about a man that hurt me. this was not the only time someone commented - it feels like you're hiding things. how do i know you're actually a victim if he doesn't get to speak?

there are books where women aren't even present. i even genuinely like some of those books. like, who doesn't like the hobbit?

i keep running into people defending this imaginary man. the default narrative is so true to some people that they will defend any man, just by virtue of the assumption - "if he's acting like that, you had to push him." certain people need definitive proof that you didn't accidentally make your partner into an abuser. they need to decide if you deserved it, because they want to be able to judge you.

which makes sense, i guess, from a hind brain perspective. if you can figure out "why" someone was cruel, you can protect yourself against it. if you defend the bully, the bully might side with you. i don't really know their explanation for feeling this about a character in a book. trust me, i wrote the guy. he is not going to protect you.

i guess i just - there was a time in my life where i desperately wanted anyone to defend me. where i could have really used someone saying holy shit are you okay instead of what did you say to make him act like that to you.

instead, over dinner, a friend-of-a-friend i just met is pouring herself wine. i heard you wrote a book, she says. she gives me the kind of chilly smile i associate with knives. i heard it's unfair to men.

[constantmourning]

On The Run

[Dracule Mihawk x Fem!Reader]

Summary: Mihawk tells you the exact opposite of what you want to hear, leaving you to do the only thing you know how: run. Fortunately for you, he finds you.

WARNINGS: 18+! MINORS DNI! Oral (fem and male receiving), unprotected sex, pulling out, harassment (not from Mihawk), p in v, not beta read, nothing too crazy (let me know if I forgot something though!! I will fix it!)

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: My first time writing mihawk, please be kind to me sdfbsdf. I constantly get carried away oof. Nothing is explicitly stated about reader's abilities but it is hinted at that reader is Very Stealthy. Do with that what you will :) Anyway, Buggy may have me by the [REDACTED], but Mihawk got me by the throat right now. Let's get into it!

You sat at the bar, eyes rolled in the back of your head as a man tried to talk to you. You sipped your water and stared ahead as he spoke to you. You were drowning him out rather nicely, you thought. You nodded along to whatever he was saying, hoping he'd eventually get too drunk to function and leave you alone.

"So," the man's hand hit your thigh, a sharp slap sound echoing around the nearby vicinity. Your head snapped towards him. "What do you say we leave-"

"No!" You didn't even let him finish. Your hand grabbed his wrist and you shoved him back. He did not like that reaction.

"You bitch!" His voice rose, catching the attention of everyone nearby. "You've been flirting with me-"

"By smiling at you? One time?" You matched his energy. "I'm gonna ask you nicely only one time, which you don't even fucking deserve, to leave me alone."

"Do not fucking interrupt me!" He yelled, standing from the bar. You almost flinched back. He was drunk, but he was still functioning, a little too well actually. "No respect, just like most women-"

"Shut the fuck up!" You snapped back at him. "Drink your beer and shut up!"

Within in an instant his hand was raised, "Stupid cu-"

His hand was snatched back, causing his entire body to fall back. Your eyes snapped to the pale hand holding his wrist and they followed who the hand belonged to and you saw Mihawk.  Your blood boiled a little more. Mihawk's eyes were on the man, not even paying you any attention. Yet.

The drunk looked back and his eyes widened. He tried to snatch away from Mihawk but it was futile. You stood up and turned away. You walked off from the scene and felt your breath hitch. It had been a week since you had seen or spoken with Mihawk. Which wasn't that long, really, but the foot you left off on was not a good one. You heard the guy hit the ground but you ignored it and kept walking.

"You're going to run from me again?" Mihawk was behind you rather quickly.

Your nose scrunched and you tensed. You kept walking. And so did he. He kept a couple steps behind you. The only thing playing in your head now was your last conversation with the swordsman, and how horribly sad it had left you.

You approached Mihawk with intense anxiety. You were fidgeting and trying to focus on what was on your mind and all of the possible outcomes of addressing those things. Mihawk, without looking up from whatever it was he was busy doing, asked what was wrong.

You froze. "Um, actually, this is kinda important." Mihawk nodded, still not looking at you. "It requires your full attention." You bit your lip, pulling at it.

Mihawk sighed and looked up at you. "Go ahead."

"Look," you inhaled deeply and closed your eyes. You exhaled loudly and opened them back up. Mihawk stared at you, causing your stomach to jump into your throat. "Mihawk, I don't want this to ruin our, uh, whatever we got going on. I think we are great partners! But I can't not say this."

Mihawk's brow arched and he pushed the papers in front of him away. He was intrigued to say the least.

"I like you. A lot. And I don't want these feelings or thoughts to get in the way of our working together thing-" Mihawk watched you closely. Silently. The way his eyes bored into yours caused you to pause. "Please say something."

"We would never work."

Your heart stopped. You were sure of it. You felt like you had been knocked down and kicked. Repeatedly. "What?"

"This is strictly business." His expression was unchanging.

"It doesn't have to be." You tried to keep tears from forming. Mihawk stared. Your stomach knotted. "Okay. Maybe it does." You took a step back from Mihawk. He was still silent. You turned and hurried out of the room.

"Where are you-"

"I need to think."

You hadn't meant to get so emotional. Sadness filled you though. Tears began to fall as you swiftly left. He wouldn't have to worry about your feelings or it not working out. You wouldn't have to either.

You continued to walk, Mihawk did not stop following you. Your fists balled and you stopped turning towards Mihawk, who stopped right in front of you. "Come to rub salt in my wound?"

"No." Mihawk's words were blunt. "You've been gone a week-"

"I've just been thinking." Mihawk inhaled sharply. Maybe you did have a problem with interrupting… "What made you come after me? It has been a week after all."

"I started looking for you the night you left. You seem to be impossibly hard to get a hold of."

"Oh." You were baffled. "Why?" You grew defensive again. "Because you couldn't stand-" Mihawk rolled his eyes. "Did you just- Mihawk! I'm being serious. You were so- so fucking inconsiderate of my feelings! It took a lot of courage for me to even tell you that and you just shot me all the way down!"

"I wouldn't say all the way-"

You wanted to rip your hair out. You let out a loud groan and turned away from Mihawk again. You began to walk a little faster than earlier and headed towards your room. Your breath hitched and you grew angry. Mihawk began to walk again as well, still on your tail. You wanted to scream.

"Go away." You hissed, venom absolutely dripping from your voice. When the footsteps did not stop or go in another direction you spun around again. "I'm fine. I'm safe. You know this now, you can leave. I'm not going back with you!"

"I didn't come here just to collect you. Or see if you are okay." Mihawk watched you, his stare becoming more intense. "We need to talk."

"Talk about how much you think we would never work?"  You snapped at him and crossed your arms.

"Where are you staying?"

"In a room here." You motioned around you. "I was going there until you stopped me."

"Don't stop on my behalf." Mihawk motioned for you to walk. "I think it'd be best if we spoke in private."

With narrowed eyes you watched him. You groaned, turned around, and motioned for him to follow you. The walk to your room was silent. Silent and awkward. The few people you did pass were confused by the greatest swordsman trailing behind you. They looked at your exasperated expression and then to the man following you. Their eyes were wide and you ignored them.

You made it to your room and unlocked the door. You walked in, threw your arm out for Mihawk to come in too, and you closed the door. You locked it, out of habit, and you noticed Mihawk raise a brow at you.

“Shut up.” You murmured.

“I didn’t say anything.” Mihawk seemed taken aback by your attitude.

“Yet.” You sighed, rolling your eyes. You leaned against the door. “What did you want to say? So that we can get it over with and you’re able to go on your way?”

“I’m not leaving without you,” Mihawk took a step closer to you. You were about to protest. “I never said I wasn’t here to collect you. I said that wasn’t the only thing I was here for.” Your eyes widened. Mihawk continued, “I’ve had time to think as well, since you were gone for a week. I care for you-”

You wanted so badly to interrupt, but you decided it would be best to bite your tongue and listen. But that didn’t stop your brain from worrying about what he was about to say. If it was anything along the lines of ‘but we are still strictly business’ he was going to have to drag you back kicking and screaming.

“-and, maybe this doesn’t have to be strictly business.”

Mihawk’s words caught you so off guard you could not respond. You swallowed hard and looked at him with wide eyes. You were some small, wild animal staring at its predator. Your heart thumped into your ribcage. You were baffled.

“Hm?” Mihawk took another step closer, “This is your response?”

“Uh,” You rubbed the back of your neck before dropping your hand back to your side, “yes?” You pressed your back flat against the door. “Honestly? I didn’t think I’d get this far…” The smile that pulled at Mihawk’s lips caused your heart to flutter. “What?”

“For someone so calculated, you are reckless with your actions.”

“What?!” You gasped. “What does that mean?”

“You confessed your feelings, ran when you thought I did not reciprocate them, and now you’re saying you don’t know what to do knowing I feel the same.”

Your palms hit the door as you realized you could not possibly back up anymore. You wanted to run again. Unlock the door and sprint away. But, you decide it'd be best to actually calculate your next action. Since that is what you did after all, according to your all knowing friend Mihawk. You inhaled slowly through your nose and nodded.

"Okay… I'm not running now. Is that all you wanted to say? We can go back-" You stopped when Mihawk stepped closer to you. Your brows furrowed and your breath hitched when you realized just how close he was. "What?" Your voice was a whisper.

"Do you want to head back?" The way he asked it caught you off guard.

"I mean-" You were frozen, thinking about literally everything you two could be doing instead of going back, "What else is there to do?"

That smirk… His smirk caused your stomach to flip and you were sure your knees buckled. He took one final step towards you, and his face was inches from yours. "If you can't think of anything we can leave."

Your brain turned off, almost instantly. You began to move without thinking. You cupped Mihawk's face, pulled him to you and kissed him, harshly. Before Mihawk could kiss back you were pulling away. That was until he grabbed your hips and pulled you back to him. His head dipped down and his lips met yours again. The both of you were ravenous, kissing each other with reckless abandon.

You were pressed against the door, your arms snaking around Mihawk's neck. He pushed one of his legs in-between both of yours and pushed you up. You gasped and Mihawk slipped his tongue into your mouth. You moaned as Mihawk gripped your ass. Your hips rolled into his and he groaned.

You smiled and Mihawk pulled away from you. You frowned at him. "Are you sure you are okay with this?"

You cocked your head, "Are you having second thoughts? Mihawk… I want this- you. I need you."

"Perfect," Mihawk easily grabbed you and wrapped your legs around his waist, "because I've wanted to absolutely ruin you this past week." He easily lifted you and carried you to the bed. You were tossed onto the bed and Mihawk looked down at you. "You will never want to be with any other man once I'm done with you."

You believed him. If he gave you just half of the attention he gave his work you were sure you would never want to be with anyone else afterwards. You were more excited than ever.

You ended up on your knees, staring up at Mihawk. You looked at him through your lashes as your hands grabbed his belt. You undid it slowly and waited for his okay to go any further. One of his hands locked on to your hair and he gave a gentle tug. You pulled at the waistband of his pants and they dropped. You were quick to move to his cock. Your hand wrapped around it and you brought your lips to the head.

"You are perfect," Mihawk sighed out. His fingers laced through your hair.

You took all of him in your mouth. As he hit the back of your throat you let out a small groan and Mihawk grunted. He tensed, your hair getting caught in his balled fist. Mihawk's hips jutted forward, pushing his cock down your throat. You gagged on him. Mihawk spoke praises as you sucked his dick.

"So good," he moaned, his voice raspy, "taking me so well."

Tears pricked your eyes and you looked up at Mihawk. He was staring down at you with those intense eyes. Your mouth slid off of his cock and your hand began pumping it.

"Touch yourself." Mihawk gasped out. Your brow cocked. "With your free hand, touch yourself."

You nodded. You slid your hand inside of your panties and slipped Mihawk's dick back into your mouth. Your fingers ghosted over your clit and pushed past your folds. You were already soaked. You pushed two fingers in and moaned as his cock hit the back of your throat again. Mihawk's hips bucked, ever so slightly, and you gagged again.

Touching yourself while also sucking Mihawk off was truly making your brain short circuit. You thought of nothing but making the both of you feel good.

"Ugh,” Mihawk's jaw clenched, "I'm gonna cum."

You did not slow down. You kept going, trying to reach your own orgasm. Your hips rolled into your hand and you let out a moan, causing Mihawk to go right into overdrive. His brain may have short circuited as well. Words were not forming, for once, as he came in your mouth.

You were quick to swallow down the cum, and pulled back, but his hand stayed in your hair. "Good girl," His chest heaved, "you took me so well." The praise sent you over the edge. You let out a cry and came undone by your own touch.

"Mihawk," you cried out, your jaw went slack. "Fuck!" You shook. Mihawk watched you, his hand giving your hair a gentle tug.

You looked up at him as your body went limp. You sighed as he removed his hand from your hair. He pulled you up and placed you on the bed. You gave him a confused look but you did not argue. Mihawk began to pepper kisses down your chest and towards your stomach. His fingers pushed past your folds and your hips instinctively rolled. Mihawk smiled against your skin. His name fell from your lips, soft and sweet.

Mihawk's teeth grazed your inner thigh and you whined for him. Begging for him to fuck you with his mouth. Mihawk did not deny you. He licked a stripe up your pussy and his tongue hit your clit. It was your turn to tangle your hands in his hair. You lied there, crying and begging for him. Your hips bucked up and Mihawk let out a low growl, his hands finding your hips and holding them down. Every time your hips rolled, Mihawk's grip grew tighter. You were sure you were going to be bruised in the morning.

Your back arched and your fingers tangled a little tighter in his hair. Mihawk’s tongue swirled around your clit and you quickly came undone. Your eyes screwed shut and you let out a sharp cry. Mihawk slowed down but was quick to lick you clean. His grip loosened on you once your body relaxed and fell back onto the bed.

Mihawk pulled away from you and you lied there for a second, collecting yourself. You were far from done though. Mihawk positioned himself over you and looked at you closely. Your half lidded eyes met his and you furrowed your brows. “What?” Your voice was almost hoarse.

“Are you good to continue?” Mihawk’s head tilted to the side. Your head bobbed and Mihawk smirked. He grabbed one of your legs and easily spread them apart. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your forehead to his. He let out a quiet laugh. “Tired already?”

“No,” you sighed out, “okay maybe. I’ve been ‘on the run’ for a week, and also haven’t had an experience like this one, in… Well, ever.” You confessed to him, “No man has ever treated me like this. And I don’t think any other man ever will.”

“Ah,” Mihawk smirked, “smart girl.”

“Whatever,” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but smile, “just fuck me.”

You did not need to ask twice. Mihawk positioned himself at your entrance and you wrapped your legs locked around his hips. He pushed himself inside of you and you moaned, eyes closing. Mihawk’s tongue clicked and you opened your eyes to look at him. “I want to see your pretty eyes as I ruin you.” His hips pressed into yours.

Your grip on him suddenly grew tighter. You pressed your forehead to his and he picked up his pace. As he pulled out, your hips followed him. One of his hands was placed at the bend of your knee and the other kept him held up above you. Your legs tensed around him and you cried, begging for him to go faster, deeper, and harder.

“Do you deserve it?” The question caught you off guard. A quiet ‘what’ escaped you. “You were gone for a week-” His hips thrusted into you at a slower pace than you would have liked but at least he wasn’t stopping, “How can I know you won’t leave again?”

“Please,” You begged, clenching around him, “fuck! I’m so sorry,” You were a mess, “I won’t- I won’t leave again. I promise!”

Mihawk’s face dropped to your neck and he began to suck and nip at the sensitive skin. You could feel him smile against you as his pace finally picked up. The sound of skin on skin filled the room. Along with the sounds of your whines and Mihawk’s grunts. He wasn’t that loud… You weren’t too shocked by that though.

Your cries grew louder, higher pitched as his hips thrusted into yours. Your nails ran up and down his back, clawing him as you pleaded for him to let you cum, you were so close. You felt yourself crumbling again.

You started saying his name, quietly, until it was loud and the only thing your brain could process. Your toes curled, your eyes rolled in the back of your head, and your stomach was on fire. Your nails were doing more damage than you wanted to. Mihawk did not slow down, his pace quickened. He was absolutely losing his mind. He was close too.

“Where?” His voice was gruff as he lifted up from your neck.

Your legs loosened around him. “Stomach,” was the first thing you could say. Mihawk pulled out and pumped himself a couple times, before coming on your stomach. You leaned back on the bed and watched Mihawk. He rolled to the side, lying beside you. Your eyes followed his movements and you waited for him to say something. Anything.

Nothing.

“Well,” You moved to sit up, “I’m gonna clean up.” Mihawk followed you. You heard him behind you as you stood up and wandered to your bathroom. You smiled to yourself. “This shower is actually really nice,” you motioned towards it, “If you wanted to, uh, clean up yourself.”

Mihawk cocked a brow at you. You pouted. “You make it sound like I need to shower.”

“Oh!” Your jaw went slack, “no! I wanted to shower, but you can join me is what I’m trying to say.” You turned away from Mihawk, face burning from your awkward encounter.

“We just had sex,” Mihawk came up behind you, “you can ask me that outright.”

“Noted,” You turned the shower on, “Can I ask you another question? I’ll be more straightforward.” You looked at Mihawk over your shoulder. He nodded. “Did you really miss me while I was gone?” You were genuinely curious, you did not want to sound like a smart ass at all. You needed to know.

“Yes.” Mihawk answered honestly.

You turned to him once you got the shower on. “Well, I hope you like hot showers, because my ass is not taking a cold one.” You smiled at him. He huffed. “Come on, we have all night to discuss what I did, and all the trouble I narrowly escaped while running away from you!”

You had a feeling you’d be doing a lot more than talking for the rest of that night, though.

[jiraisupportgroup]

˗ˋˏ ♡ Jirai Kei Survey Results ♡ ˎˊ˗

(NOTE!! I re-opened it because I saw some people saying they were sad they didn’t respond!! It’s open again! You can take it here)

Hi hi!!! First of all, I'm so sorry that this took me like an entire month to make, and second of all thank you to everyone who participated in the survey I posted a while ago! It got 89 total responses which is awesome!! So many more than I was expecting, you guys are awesome ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

I've got a spreadsheet of all the answers given in October 2024 here if you want to go view them for yourself ^-^ (I have redacted pronouns and location for privacy sake)

I also went through and read everyone's answers and pulled some of the main points / focuses people had to make into little graphics for simplification and comparison's sake (This is a huge part of why it took so long because I didn't want to misrepresent anyone's points so I went person by person and considered all of their answers and overall vibe before pulling the main points just to make sure I wasn't accidentally changing or misunderstanding their points).

Please keep in mind: 89 people is NOT a large enough sample size to extrapolate this to the entirety of the Jirai Kei community - this is really just an exploration of the people who answered the survey - it does not represent the feelings of the community as a whole. This survey is derived from the western community as the survey is in English and was posted in primarily English-speaking areas.

Also just as a note I messed up when making the selections for the ages and put 18-21 and then 21-25 so people of the age of 21 could have picked either - this isn't ideal but since I messed it up in the original choice options I'm keeping it listed as that because I think changing 21-25 to 22-25 would be disingenuous.

I'm going to go question by question and kind of break it down if you're interested! I'm also going to try and remain mostly neutral and not really put my personal opinions in here. My main goal is to kind of break down what was said in the survey.

Demographics:

It's a pretty good mix of people. Also, hi!!! So many of you are from so far away!!!! That was really exciting to see. To be honest, it was super cool to see how this community encompasses people from all over the world!!! (Also, as a note here, there was one person who answered the survey who was over 40. I included their answers in the 26-30 range just for simplicity sake.)

I also did not make a graphic for the pronouns: primarily she / her, followed by they / them or any / all, followed by he / him or he / they pronouns just in case you were curious. I also took the pronouns out of the original answers document since I know quite a few people use neo-pronouns which are quite unique and I didn't want anyone to see those and connect that person to their answers, I wanted it to remain as anonymous as possible. I redacted the locations for the same reason.

I did not make a graphic for the languages either but those are included in the original answers spreadsheet that I have linked above. Many people speak Japanese, Russian, German, Spanish, and French. Those were the main answers besides English.

I don't have too much to say about the social medias to be honest. Discord, Youtube, and Twitch are likely under-represented in this since they were write-ins and not part of the general selection.

How did you first hear about Jirai Kei?

I don't have a graphic for this one either. It looks like most people learned about it because they already had an interest in j-fashion. A decent number of people mentioned Needy Streamer Overload. Lots of people came from Pinterest, Instagram, TikTok, and Tumblr. Many people also said they were into Menhera and came from there.

How would you describe Jirai Kei to someone who hasn't heard of it before?

Again, no graphic for this one - highly reccommend to go read some of the answers on the linked sheet above. It was pretty split between people talking about the aesthetics & fashion vs people talking about the mental health community. A lot of people mentioned that if they were talking to someone they didn't know very well or who didn't have any knowledge of j-fashion they would say it's a style and move on, while if they were talking to a friend or someone who did know a little more about j-fashion they would talk more about the mental health aspects and history of the subculture.

A few quotes (I'm trying to get a good mixture of opinions in here, please note these are mostly smaller parts of larger answers - this goes for all the quotes added in this post): ♡ "Usually it's easier for me to just send the wikipedia link to people though honestly" ♡ "a subculture of mostly young women with mental illness who share certain interests in jfashion etc..." ♡ "...a lot of ppl often tell me it just sounds like the jp version of emo." ♡ "A subculture for mentally ill people who can’t, won’t, or don’t want to recover" ♡ "depending on my knowledge on their opinions on mental health, i'd either go with a basic explanation of the fashion if they dont seem like the type to be sympathetic of ppl with mental health issues, but if they seem like the sympathetic type, i'd go more into detail of the origins and lifestyle associated with the subculture." ♡ "Being cute despite your mental illness! Also a bit of consumerism and idol worship..." ♡ "It's mainly a stereotype" ♡ "I would recommend watching cybr.grls video on jirai kei " ♡ "It’s an alternative japanese fashion style with frilly, lacey, and dark garments! The main colors it will be are very muted pinks, blacks, grays, whites, or even reds or purples (albeit rare)" ♡ "Jirai Kei is the term used to describe the fashion style related to Jirais / Landmines , which was a derogatory term used to describe mentally ill girls who had an “explosive” personality , wearing cute clothing to distract / hide men from their personality. It usually consists of frills , ribbons and lace , blouses and skirts , with a colour palette of black and muted colour varients like pink and blue , and white. "

To your understanding where does Jirai Kei come from? What's it's history?

Again, no graphic for this one (T-T these are just too complex for me to comfortably break down into bite-size pieces). Most people talked about the Toyoko kids, a bit less talked about host / hostess clubs, and quite a few vague nods to Kabukicho in general. About a fifth of the people just talked about overall mental health in Japan. Interesting mixture of answers - different people seem to latch on to different parts of the origins, which is likely based on what they relate with the most. I was surprised that only a few people mentioned the "Jirai Kei" makeup trend of 2019/2020 - I honestly thought that would be talked about a little bit more ngl. Interesting read for sure.

A few quotes: ♡ "jirai kei became seen as clothes worn by dangerous or unstable women, hence the trend " ♡ "the history between jirai kei && the toyoko kids sometimes get mixed together because of their resemblances , but it's important to note the two are different . jirai kei define an instable person who will explode at some point like a bomb , but you don't know when ( landmine ) . initially , it was mostly used to refer to girls who threaten their boyfriend to kill him or themselves if the boy left them . since jirais are disordered or mentally ill , they often engage in unhealthy behaviours . the toyoko kids on the other hand are teens who ran away from home to live in the streets instead . most of them suffered from abuse && causally have disorders or illnesses . this is where the two subcultures came together to form one : the jirai kei we know now..." ♡ " The clothing style that is most typically seen on social media stems from the fact that these clothes where cute but cheap to come by. " ♡ "Jirai kei as a term originated from misogynistic men calling mentally ill women “explosive.” The style came from poor (unfortunately, often sex workers) youth in Japan. It how we’ve became popularized and somewhat mainstream there after a while." ♡ "then in 2020 people started dressing up in stereotypical "toyoko kid/jirai woman style" to make fun of them before brands saw how popular this trend became and decided to start selling clothes based off this idea. the original style is known as dark girly kei which uses elements from both dark girly and girly kei the latter being a style that was popular with 2010s gyaru and evolved to incorporate french girly and dark girly motifs making it what it is today. other styles such as subcul and suna kei are also extremely popular with jirai to the point of being synonymous with the style." ♡ "...Thus, the fashion style was associate with "Jirai Onna" and became "Jirai Kei". The fashion style extended beyond Kabukicho and many girls and women wear the style in Japan due to the kawaii look and the popularity of the style within many fashion brands. Another demographic that has popularised Jirai Kei is idol fangirls who wore girly kei and jirai kei fashion. The style was also given the term "ryousangata" meaning "mass produced" an insult basically calling the girls who wear the style "basic"."

What do you think differentiates Jirai Kei from other subcultures?

Okay since this is the first type of this graphic we're seeing let me explain what you're looking at. I took key points or words and quantified how many people mentioned it as a larger part of their explanation. There were a LOT of other things mentioned these were just the ones that came up repeatedly.

Many people were confused by this question and said there are too many differences to even describe, which is completely fair. There were two main types of answers to this question. The first is that fashion is what makes it different because it's a fashion-based subculture or if not fashion-based, fashion is a big part of it. The other is that it's a community based around mental health primarily unlike other subcultures which are based on fashion or music. A lot of people who mentioned this went on to say that the thing that differentiates it from Menhera specifically (because menhera is also based in mental and physical health) was the idea that Menhera is very recovery, resource, and awareness focused, while Jirai Kei isn't focused on those things at all and is more so just people looking for a sense of community.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "menhera is art and advocacy focused, jirai is community focused. menhera also is more recovery focused often, whereas jirai places no emphasis on that at all" ‪♡ "Dawg idk how to tell you this… there’s too many examples and they’re all so different" ♡ "For starters, its background story, the clothing doesn't look the same either.... Jirai culture is not really focused on getting better mentally, much on the contrary... being mentally ill is praised, spending an insane amount of money on clothes you don't exactly need is praised...." ‪♡ "I’ve seen jp jirais say that jirai kei is whatever a jirai girl chooses to wear, it can literally be anything. However, at the moment it visually is a combination of menhera and dark girly kei. Because it’s new though, it’s already having subsets form and change that." ♡ "i think jirai is unique in its rejection of the “just get better” culture a lot of places have. Most people think of inability or unwillingness to improve a moral failing. " ‪♡ "Jirai Kei has a distinct history and recognisable style" ♡ "menhera is about finding a community that wishes to accept you and want to encourage you to get better jirai kei is not about wanting to get better thats a very important distinction" ♡ " - idk how to explain??? It’s like asking what differenciates gyaru and goth lol" ♡ "the subcul is definitely viewed in an extremely negative way compared to other subculs, even menhera. I also think that other subculs like Emo, Anime, and Idol culture revolve a lot around the fashion aspect. While jirai is best known for the Dark Girly fashion, i think that jirai in itself, as mentioned before, is more about the lifestyle that we life, our mental health, and the struggles we go through either on purpose or not" ‪♡ "for many i'd say the fashion is what differenciates them. while they can overlap with common traits under the other subcultures, it's still quite different." ♡ "i do believe that the associated fashions (again, not just dark girly, but also tenshi kaiwai, subcul, etc.) are necessary to set a landmine apart from these cultures. the fashions is a huge part of the subculture and sets it apart from these other mental-health based subcultures. that is why i personally believe that a landmine must at least wear the associated fashions OCCASIONALLY to be considered part of the subculture."

What kind of Jirai Kei content do you engage with the most?

This one again, no graphic. Top answer was outfit / coord posts (82%), second most common was vent posts (67.4%), third was dark humour (58.2%)

Are you interested in the fashions associated with Jirai Kei? Which ones?

Again, not too much to say overall about this.

One thing to note is that some of these answers could technically be lumped in with other ones, like "all of them" could be counted towards Dark Girly Kei, Girly Kei, Tenshi Kaiwai, etc but I kept it separate. Same with "Jirai IS the fashion" which could be lumped into Dark Girly Kei but again I kept it separate unless they mentioned it in their answer.

The one that isn't like that is "No Interest" because if someone was of the mind that the fashion is called Jirai Kei and said they weren't interested in the other fashions they're in the "Jirai IS the fashion" count, while the people in the "No Interest" count were of the idea that the name of the fashion is not Jirai Kei and is rather Dark Girly Kei so they have their own count.

What role do you think the asssociated fashions play in Jirai Kei? Do you need to wear them to be considered "Jirai" or part of the community?

Again, this has been vastly simplified but I tried really hard not to misunderstand or misrepresent anyone's points. The categories names are a bit strange so let me explain what I mean by them:

‪♡ "No, it's a lifestyle" - This person believes that you do not have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community because it is first and foremost a subculture based around mental health and finding people who relate to you that you can talk to about these things. They also tend to believe "Jirai Kei" is the not proper name for the fashion, and that to be part of the Jirai Kei community you must be either mentally ill or at least open and understanding about mental illness. ‪♡ "No, it's both a lifestyle and a fashion" - This person believes that you do not have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community. They tend to believe that Jirai Kei is both a lifestyle and a fashion, and you can participate in either the overarching mental health community based around Jirai Kei or the fashion side of things and be accepted either way. This kind of answer tended to imply that both the people looking for a mental health-related safe space and people who just like the fashion are welcome. ‪♡ "Yes, it's both a lifestyle and a fashion" - This person believes you do have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community. They tend to believe that Jirai Kei is the proper title for both the mental health subculture and the overarching fashion and you have to participate in both to be considered part of the Jirai Kei community. ‪♡ "Yes, it's a fashion" - This person believes Jirai Kei is a fashion style, if you wear it, you are welcome in the Jirai Kei community.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "the fashion has almost taken over the community, and overshadows its origins." ‪♡ "I don‘t think the Fashion is the central aspect, but it brings people in. It’s historically speaking a part of Jirai Kei, but not the most inportant thing. You can be Jirai and not dress like it." ‪♡ "Yes to be considered Jirai one should wear the clothing of the subculture they are trying to claim. I don’t think you have to branch out into any jirai substyles though if it’s not your vibe." ‪♡ "No if you're a lifestyle jirai, yes if you're a fashion jirai. If you're a lifestyle jirai I think just wanting to be jirai is enough" ‪♡ "i definitely do think that people who dont wear the fashion can be considered jirai, as thats how the word originally got its meaning, though nowadays its definitely more recognized as a fashion style." ‪♡ "It's just a part of the stereotype because a lot of us happen to wear it not because we need to." ‪♡ "it’s such an enormous part of the subculture that leaving out the fashion aspect makes your “landmineness” indistinguishable from a thousand other subcultures." ‪♡ "i think the fashion gave way to helping people who are mentally unwell or don’t feel good find and outlet to feel better, wether it be makeup, or the clothes for me it makes me feel pretty and distracts from the fact i’m depressed. i think just wearing “jirai” as a fashion or style doesn’t necessarily mean you are unwell though, you can participate and be okay in the head lmao, and ofc be in the community. i think the problem lies within the title of jirai. " ‪♡ "i don't think you necessarily NEED to wear them to be jirai, but i think that an interest in them is pretty important because the fashion and aesthetics are closely intertwined with the subculture " ‪♡ "I actually think the biggest thing to a Jirai look is Jirai makeup. I think as long as you have that, then you are Jirai enough. " ‪♡ "While I don't think you have to wear the fashion to be jirai, the fashion does play a big part in the subculture and people need to acknowledge that. " ‪♡ "to an extent, yes you do, but it's more important just to have an interest in them. nobody needs to wear them 24/7 and if you can't afford clothes then it is what it is, but you can't really call yourself jirai if you have no interest in one of the main aspects of the subculture (the aesthetics)" ‪♡ "nah, as long as u wear alternative fashion and know ur shit and participate in the culture ur fine."

Can non-Japanese people be "Jirai"? Why or why not?

Most people said yes (which is kind of to be expected since this is in English and most of the people who answered are not Japanese so I will note this is biased), but a lot of people brought up different points.

Some of the "yes" pool are people who believe Jirai Kei is just a fashion and brought that up as their point. Some of the "yes" pool are people who are more into the mental health side of things and talked about how people in different countries still experience mental struggles and that's something everyone can relate to in their own way.

The "Yes but it's different" pool is mostly comprised of people talking about the mental health aspects of the community and mentioning that although foreigners can be part of the Jirai Kei community, it is important to understand that the things that many Japanese "Jirai"s go through are things that we will not experience due to the differences in our mental health care resources / infrastructure and the infrastructure of the Japanese sex-work industry. Essentially, we can go through really similar things but the overall cultures make it quite different.

Some Quotes: ‪♡ "yes, especially when a trend originally comes from sex work in which non-japanese people living in japan are overrepresented." ‪♡ "Yes, I’ve seen from the pov’s of Japanese landmines and they are open to it because we’re all supposed to be there for each other because nobody else is" ♡ ‪"Yeah, I think they can be, BUT they shouldn't go around acting like they are the template for what a landmine is, or demanding changes to the culture, just because they wear the fashion and/or are mentally ill. It's roots lie in Japan, so the "originals" are still Japanese Jirais" ‪♡ "of course they can ! never did the term refer to exclusively japanese people . even when the initial term " merged " with the toyoko kids , it didn't make it an exclusively japanese term . as long as you fit the " criterias " , you can be a jirai if you choose to label yourself as one ! ♡" ‪♡ "Nowadays I'd like to consider it a fashion style and fashion styles travel all around the world as long as u don't claim to be japanese cause you are wearing jirai you are good. You should also respect and learn the story of the style before u decide to wear it since it's more troubling than other styles." ‪♡ "Very unlikely. There are many factors that would eliminate most people to be "true Jirai kei" ie. experiencing homelessness as well as involved with sex work and host club addiction. Emily from the suburbs who lives with her family and has depression could not be Jirai kei but can partake in the cool fashion. Calling themselves Jirai would not be up to par with the real meaning of it." ‪♡ "Yes. The Japanese jirais don’t seem to disagree so I’m not sure why I would." ‪♡ "yes of course, its important to say that non japanese people often have different issues as japanese people but that doesnt make them less valid meaning they can still use the style as representation of their own issues" ‪♡ "yes and no. if you disregard the fashion and makeup or frame jirai kei as a "menhera" community when its not then you dont really deserve to call yourself a jirai onna. acknowledging that your generally live a better life because of your privilege of being outside of japan. though i can understand calling yourself a jirai onna if you suffer extremely similar problems to that of toyoko kids especially if you suffer from BPD." ‪♡ "Ofc it's clothes" ‪♡ "Yes, of course! Jirai kei is for anyone and I don't see a reason why people can't participate/ want to gatekeep it. I just think it's important to learn about the history and not be a jerk to those who participate in only the lifestyle or only the fashion part."

What does "Jirai Kei" mean to you personally? Why do you associate with the subculture?

I chose to make a word map for this to kind of point towards some of the most repeated words throughout the answers. A lot of these answers are very sad to read (just a heads up before you start going through them), but that is kind of to be expected. Most people mention mental illness and personal struggles with things like EDs, SH, alcoholism, other unhealthy coping mechanisms, or relationship issues. The thing that really stood out to me was that a majority of the people who are of the idea that "Jirai Kei" is the name of the fashion still brought up how the community feels comforting to them because they struggle with mental illnesses and relationship issues. Very few people just said "I like the clothes", most people also mentioned mental struggles in their answers.

I think that's an important thing to note. It really highlights the fact that you never know what someone is going through behind the screen. You only know what they choose to post, and many people choose to post cute outfit photos and things of that nature, but they still can be hurting behind all of that.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "it’s comforting to identify as one and feel like there’s a subculture out there of people who feel similarly to me. everyone connects with the label in different ways" "I like being able to relate with people and have somewhere to post my vents and get things off my chest without judgment" ‪♡ " i was paranoid for not being mentally ill enough for the community, i was absolutely terrified of making jirais mad at me and being rejected. to this day i am terrified of the day when they decide i did not suffer enough to be a jirai. but such a thought is twisted in and of itself, right?" ‪♡ " I love dressing up as fashion is a major coping mechanism for me and I feel delighted at being able to express myself through clothes: it is an art form. Dressing in the subculture's fashions has allowed me to express myself and come to terms with my experiences and who they made me today." ‪♡ "Funny enough my mom calls me a jirai girl (in a derogatory way since she has a typical older japanese person mindset) but i don't mind saying that i am one without shame. especially because i don't believe that my mental illness is something that should be stigmatized and judged. calling myself jirai feels liberating in a way..." ‪♡ "I feel like because I cannot wear the style (not enough money + sizing is difficult) I cannot call myself Jirai kei but I notice others who don’t wear the style call themselves Jirai, which is comforting. I’ve always struggled with mental health for most of my life and I’ve always loved Jfashion subcultures, so obviously I was drawn to Jirai." ‪♡ " i do think people who just wear dark girly kei should be careful when using the term jirai kei if they aren't in the subculture though. i see people say they're jirai and then mock the mentally ill people like?? you aren't jirai you WEAR jirai kei 💀💀 there is a difference!!" ‪♡ "i am also transgender - my girlhood is very important and nostalgic to me but it is also inseparable from dysphoria and sickness, and i think dark girly/jirai fashion helps me to express that." ‪♡ "I found I appreciated the relaxed attitude towards mental health struggles, nightlife activities and a visual indicator that someone might be a little “dangerous” or someone that likes to party." ‪♡ "when I first started, "I want to become cute!" was a big theme I was seeing. I can be cute even though I'm ugly and have bad mental health and it's ok. the style of the clothes is the biggest appeal." ‪♡ "I honeslty really only associate myself with the fashion aspect of it, since it’s something I really love. So instead of calling myself “Jirai”, I like to say I “dress in Jirai” instead." ‪♡ "To me, it's just the clothes. I don't call myself Jirai by itself because it's insulting"

What would you say the pre-requisites to being part of the Jirai Kei community are?

40% of people mentioned mental illness or struggles as a main part of the subculture. There were different approaches to the way that they mentioned it though. Some people were saying "you should be mentally ill since 'Jirai' is an insult used against mentally ill people and the explosive nature is part of the subculture" and others were saying "If you are mentally healthy you should stay away from Jirai Kei to protect yourself because you're going to see triggering things".

Many people said you don't have to be mentally ill to be part of the community, but you should understand that you are going to be interacting with people who are mentally ill and not bully people for venting. Some people said you have to be mentally ill and not wanting or willing to recover to be part of the community (although this was only 3% of people).

On the other hand, about 16% of people said that the only thing you need to do to be part of the community is wear the clothing.

People who mentioned both mental illness and clothing in their answers were divided into 4 different categories: ‪♡ "Mental illness" - they mention the fashion but state is it not a requirement for the community ‪♡ "Wear the fashion" - they may or may not mention mental illness, but do not think it is a requirement for the community ‪♡ "Wear the clothes AND be mentally ill" - they mention both and think both are required for the community ‪♡ "Wear the clothes OR be mentally ill" - they mention both and think you can either participate in the fashion side of things or the mental health side of things, but you don't have to participate in both.

Many people also mentioned doing the makeup as a big part of it. Some of the people who mentioned makeup as a requirement said that even if you don't wear the clothes as long as you do the makeup you're good.

A lot of people also said if you like the clothes or the community or whatever you're all good, so long as you don't bully anyone. Their general vibe was that anyone is welcome to hang out so long as they aren't mean to others. (Many people counted in the "don't be mean to 'fashion' onlys are also counted in the "don't be mean to 'lifestyle' onlys category as well. And as a note a lot of them didn't use those terms specifically I just used them to shorten "people who only wear the clothing" and "people who only participate in the mental health community" because those are looooooooong titles)

There isn't an overarching general consensus. It is very split and debated. (Which we all know). A lot of people were very passionate about their definitions though, which is to be expected. Mental health is a very touchy and personal topic for a lot of people, so people on both sides have really passionate emotions about it.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "i think people who are mentally healthy should stay away from the community; both so they don’t judge those whose thoughts they don’t understand but also for their own protection and comfort. the topics talked about in jirai spaces are triggering and disturbing. i don’t blame, nor judge jirais forthe abusive behavior neurotypicals could accuse them of — it is often not their fault and a mentally healthy person could easily harm a jirai as well. i think such interactions would end up with mutual suffering on each side." ‪♡ " to call yourself a jirai you need to wear the makeup, the clothes, and suffer from some sort of mental illness especially if your livelihood is often threatened by the fact you have these conditions. and its OKAY to not cal yourself a jirai its NOT A GOOD THING to want to be a jirai mentally ill people who call themselves jirai onna are mentally ill and just find comfort in some form by the title." ‪♡ ". i do feel like these are two separate communities with some overlap, especially with the recent western discourse. i don't like these terms as i feel they are a bit harsh but there is a difference between "fashion only jirai" and "lifestyle jirai". of course anyone can appreciate cool clothes but the landmine side of the community deserves a safe space to talk about their issues and relate to each ‪other without uneducated jirai kei wearers bashing them" ‪♡ "i wouldnt say you necessarily have to be struggling mentally to be considered jirai kei, but i dont personally like the way some fashion only jirais negatively talk about the more lifestyle jirais at times. i also however dont think lifestyle jirais should be actively trying to call people out for being a fashion only jirai. it could end up being quite harmful, as you never really know what people are going through." ‪♡ "You may have a mental illness such as BPD which directly links to the “Explosive Landmine” personality. Otherwise it’s fine to just call yourself a Fashion Landmine and only wear Jirai Kei without “being Jirai”." ‪♡ "It really depends on if someone likes the fashion only, identifies as a jirai (landmine person), or both. Someone who likes the fashion may just say they dress in jirai kei clothes. Also, just because someone identifies themselves as a stereotypical jirai and calls themselves just landmine doesn't always mean they wear the fashion either; although it's more common for someone to do both and straight-up call themselves jirai." ‪♡ "being mentally ill (and i mean... cmon a little more than just depression and anxiety because like all of gen z struggles with that((this isn't the mental illness olympics but this is meant to be a safe space for people struggling with more severe illnesses))) and owning like a few coords that isn't that one DML coord that everyone has and wearing the damn makeup" ‪♡ "I think just respecting the community. You don't have to be "mentally ill enough" to join but you do need to respect people no matter their problems and coping mechanisms." ‪♡ "Hot take but if you’re not a Jirai in Japan you’re not a true Jirai and I don’t mean the fashion I’m talking about life choices . You can wear the fashion without having to call yourself a landmine" ‪♡ "there's no requirement, anyone can wear the fashion. it's just clothes."

Do you feel like there is a difference between "Jirai Kei" and "Landmine Kei"?

Most people said no, which is the kind of idea that I had but I wanted to ask because I have seen people use them in different ways. Most of the people who said yes said that in English-speaking circles Landmine is used more to talk about the mental health aspects of things while Jirai is used more when talking about the fashion or overall community. Which I think is interesting. It seems to me that separating Landmine and Jirai is another way that people try to separate the clothing from the mental health community like the distinction people make between Jirai Kei and Dark Girly Kei fashions. (Anything else I have to say here would go into my own opinions so I'm going to leave it at that - it's an interesting thing to think about).

A few quotes: ♡ "i believe there is a difference between simply wearing jirai kei and being a landmine. people in the english speaking community generally use landmine kei to describe the mentally ill side of the community even though jirai literally means landmine. i only see landmine kei used in context of like the fashion mine vs lifestyle mine debate." ♡ "From my experience, I have seen many English speakers misinterpret the term 'Jirai Kei' and water it down to fashion but, of course, that shouldn't represent all of the English-speakers partaking in the discussion." ♡ "Anywho considering Jirai is a direct translation to Landmine, I don’t see how they could be any different." ♡ "I think Landmine Kei is more dressing up as the stereotype and Jirai Kei is the lifestyle that predates the stereotype." ♡ "I feel like calling it landmine kei does alert people more to the mental health side of the subculture"

What is your favourite part of the Jirai Kei Subculture?

This was a combined question "What is your favourite and least-favourite part of the subculture" and most people skipped the favourites part and started just talking about what they hate which did make me a little bit sad. I really liked reading about what people liked in the community.

Most people said the fashion was their favourite part. Both people who said that Jirai Kei is a mental health-based community and people who said Jirai Kei is a fashion-based community brought up fashion as a favourite part of theirs.

"Community" is a very vague thing - in this context, it mostly means they were talking about how they share a lot in common with people in the community whether that be fashion, idols, music, aesthetics, mental health, etc. However, most of the people who mentioned mental health as a main part of why they love the community are counted in "Safe Space" instead.

A few quotes: ♡ "I have dealt with a ton of ableism and med shaming before irl and in other places online, but never in the jirai community. So it makes me happy that I can vent without people treating me like I'm "crazy" or trying to force dramatic changes onto me." ♡ "I love the clothes so much of course so the aesthetic of the fashion is my favorite." ♡ "The clothes of course, I really loved visiting the clothes shops in Japan. People in Japan are really nice about my clothing and often compliment me when I wear Jirai Kei, plus all of the shopgirls are really kind." ♡ "my fav part is the super cute clothes and how u can meet so many other ppl who not only have the same fashion style, but also similiar/same issues/experiences as you, so you can share pretty much anything with no judging at all!!! ^_^" ♡ "I like having a place where I can be open about the reality of my mental illnesses without being bombarded with “solutions”." ♡ "i love wearing cute outfits, seeing other people's codes and seeing other landmines experiences ." ♡ "the fact that people actually understand how i think / feel most of the time , and that i won't get weird looks / i won't be judged for things" ♡ "Most favourite: people identifying each other and bonding over shared experiences (and of course, the fashion)" ♡ "I love the community as a space for people on all lines of recovery to come together and exist without judgement" ♡ "My favorite part of the subculture is blogs, the fact that the people in the community get to share their thoughts & be related to & validated makes me really happy" ♡ "I love how empowering Jirai Kei makes me feel."

What is your least favourite part of the Jirai Kei subculture?

NOTE BECAUSE SOME OF THEM GOT CUT OFF: ‪♡ "People who say you have to be..." is "People who say you have to be mentally ill" ‪♡ "People who use mental illness as an..." is "people who use mental illness as an excuse to be mean" ‪♡ "People who say you have to buy" is "people who say you have to buy certain brands"

The top answer was fashion Jirais. This is a combination of people who specifically said the term "Fashion Jirai" and people who said things like "people who only wear the clothes" or "people who think the community is just cute clothes and ignore the mental illness aspect of it". I combined those into the same count.

"Anti-recovery" as a category is more than just people talking about how recovery isn't front and centre like Menhera, or people talking about venting - it is specifically people who talked about people who say you cannot be in recovery if you are part of the Jirai Kei community.

"Glamorization of Sh/Ed" also is more than just people talking about posts that talk about those things, it is people who specifically said it is over-romanticized / glamourized. And as a note this is different from "lifestyle Jirais" since that category includes people that are just talking about vent posts or mention "lifestyle jirai"s by name.

"Lifestyle Jirais" and "People who don't wear the clothes" are also two different categories, lifestyle jirais is either people who said that by name or were talking about people who vent or think the community is mental-health based, and "people who don't wear the clothes" is just that, it's the people who specifically called that out.

I don't have too much to add here since I can't really add anything here without stating my personal opinions which isn't what I'm trying to do right now. I did find it comforting that most other people are sick of the discourse, and it's both people who think Jirai Kei is fashion-based and people who think Jirai Kei is mental health-based that were saying this.

A few quotes: ♡ "But there are legit people on here who act like you're 'fake' if you aren't attempting suicide every hour or something lmao" ♡ "i'm sick of sharing my safe space with people who think it's just a pink blouse and some short skirts and a bow." ♡ "putting a label on jirai that you have to act a certain way seems wrong. some rules and bashing on other girls wanting to wear the fashion is very wrong too." ♡ "i’m simply utterly terrified of rejection." ♡ "My least favorite would probably have to be those who promote self harm or say you have to engage in some sort of dangerous stuff to be a part of the subculture. While many of us do struggle with these things, it's super unnecessary to push people (mostly the fashion only jirai keis) to harm themselves." ♡ "least fav is that there are a lot of gatekeepers who want you to prove that you're actually mentally ill or they turn it into a competition of who's suffering the most. I also don't like how many jirai are anti recovery if someone chooses to recover (not forced, but their own choice). and I don't like that there are some really young kids in the community, like 13 and under" ♡ "I hate the people who slap a random pink shirt on and a black mini skirt and call it jirai because it’s not. Jirai is so much more than pink and black." ♡ "least fav is probably the fact how some ppl will say the most vile shit ever and use the fact that theyre a jirai as an excuse (it can always be a reason for said behavior, but never an excuse!! ����😭)" ♡ "fashion "jirais". i don't like discourse at all , but i really wish people would understand the whole point of jirai kei before calling themselves a landmine :(" ♡ "the least, however, are the people who say you "dont need to be mentally ill to call yourself jirai" which is just ridiculous" ♡ "I don't like the narrative that we have to buy from the original designer or it's not Jirai, that's just buying into what the fashion industry wants you to think. A fashion is a style, not a designer brand. Quite frankly I just don't like being limited to certain brands." ♡ "Constant discourse (assuming that people can't resonate with the subcul just because they're not as vocal about their experiences as the others PLUS the bullying of actual people who struggle for venting when that is the core of this subcul)" ♡ "i wish it was more mature because many jirai people are in their early teens (12-14) and i feel the need to act as a role model in spaces that include minors, rather than speaking freely as i would normally among people closer to my age" ♡ "least favourite: weird gatekeeping (eg. "you can't wear jirai kei because you're not mentally ill""), shaming peoples looks and fatshaming in general" ♡ "My least favorite is the ones who say you have to be anti-recovery to be jirai. It's okay to be tired of hurting." ♡ "i detest the infighting, and the way that it's rapidly growing is kind of pissing me off because im more comfortable in smaller communities" ♡ "As for least favourite, glorification of ED and SH (I must note, glorification, not just the fact people discuss/have it in the community) as well as the fatphobia and such"

Overall very interesting read and very mixed responses, but also not actually as mixed as I thought they would be. Most people landed somewhere in the middle where they considered both fashion and mental health to be parts of the subculture and just had different levels of importance for those two things. Most people also did mention mental health being part of their reasoning for being here, whether they engage more in the fashion side of things or the mental health side of things.

If there are any clarifying questions about what the titles of things in these graphs really mean or why I chose to break things down in the way that I did I am more than happy to provide clarification to that! I'll try to respond to any comments like that as soon as I can. I won't be engaging in discourse or defending any points or anything (at least not here) - this is more about the answers to the survey and not my personal opinions so pls understand T-T.

If you read all that mess thank you! Took me a while to actually get all of this compiled. If you didn't thank you regardless! Especially if you responded in the survey to begin with ♡

Also if anyone is uncomfortable with their answer being posted in the answers document please contact me either on Tumblr @jiraisupportgroup or on Reddit @ Mara-melody (DMs should be open on both) with the details about which response was yours and I will delete it from the publicly available document! Thank you!!

[partycatty]

older!johnny cage > overheard

you're caught in the act of swooning over your boss

notes: i'm not even fuckin playing i just woke up from my nap in a cold sweat with this idea haunting my mind so here i am. i truly honestly genuinely cannot stop thinking about dilf johnny and his thick fucking arms and how much i want him to [REDACTED]

[ masterlist ]

• during your break from training, you managed to squeeze in a meal break with one of your closest friends. it was just the two of you, laughing and for once breaking the stoicism implanted into your demeanors from training ruthlessly.

• "jesus, commander cage really kicked our asses today," your friend whined, rolling her shoulder. "i get we're fighting against demons and elementals, but did we really need to run twenty miles?"

• "it wasn't all bad," you shrug, poking at your food. "we've done worse, i feel."

• "oh hush, you had the time of your life," your friend groaned, lightly pushing into your shoulder with a smirk. "you and johnny cage got to run beside each other in formation." your friend was sure to say his name in an announcer voice, wiggling her fingers as she pretended to read a large sign.

• you huff, planting a fist on the table as you try to conceal your embarrassment with faux anger. "oh my god shut up..."

• your mind wanders to earlier in the day. johnny decided to wear only a tank top instead of a long sleeve with a vest, giving you a delicious view of his arms as they pumped during the run. while you two didn't talk, he shared panting encouragements by your side, telling you you were doing so good and how much further you had left. it made running feel almost impossible as each word and grunt knocked the wind from you.

• "jesus, look at you," your friend laughs at your dreamy expression as you replay the memory. "you're down bad, girl, anyone and their mother could tell."

• "is it that obvious?" you murmur, burying your face with your hands. "i'm doomed."

• "nah, you might have a shot," she insists, pulling your hands from your face. "he might be into younger women, most celebrities are."

• "but he's not just a celebrity, he's our superior," you whine, rolling your head back. "i just watch his movies and pretend i'm the love interest."

• "oh, it's bad bad," she laughs, looking past you for a moment. her smile falters.

• "can you blame me? ugh," you rake a hand through your hair. "he's all muscle, he could just pick me up and snap me like a twig! normally i'd settle for height alone but holy fuck he's built like a brick fucking wall!"

• your friend falls silent.

• "and don't even get me started on his age," you point an accusatory finger. "he is 50 something and so fucking fine i can't even bring myself to focus on literally anything ever. i watched some of his old movies, and he literally aged like the finest fucking wine any vineyard has ever even dreamed of making! thank god his daughter is the commander because if he stood around and told me what to do i'd behave so much like a dog it would embarrass me. he is the god damn devil in disguise and i sure a shit don't have a single chance of him even looking in my direction with any more than a smile because at the end of the day i'm just a sad little recruit crushing on a guy who probably has a massive di—"

• "i'm fifty-nine," you hear a low, horrifyingly familiar voice in your ear. you can't even bring yourself to turn around, smile dropping and eyes widening. the only thing you can bring yourself to do is stare across the table at your friend, who's as equally still. maybe if you were still enough, he wouldn't see you. like a dinosaur.

• "lieutenant," you breathe out after a long silence, drunk on the smell of his cologne. "we were just... t-talking about you."

• "oh yeah?" his voice is rumbly, a teasing inflection making you want to burst out in tears. you had a faint suspicion he was behind you the entire time, something he confirmed before you could muster the strength to speak. "sounded more like it was just you."

• "well," you wonder if you can outrun him, stammering as you try to talk yourself out of this. "you know..."

• you finally get the courage to spin in your chair, turning around to face him. he's towering over your sitting form, a shit-eating smirk on his lips.

• "i'm sorry, sir, i'll... i'll do extra push-ups, i'll go overtime on training, scrub the toilets, anything to—"

• he holds a hand up, waving it away as he shakes his head slowly.

• "don't stress it," he stands up straight, crossing his arms. oh my god his arms. "but, uh... just a word, in my office, when you have the chance." you almost miss the wink he sends at you, but you caught it just as he spun on his heel and walked out, a cocky sway to his hips.

• you spin back around, slack jawed at your friend, who's red from holding in her scream of excitement.

• "he's totally gonna bang you on his desk," she finally spits out, covering her mouth immediately after. you just lower your head, hitting it against the table in defeat.

• who knows what he's gonna do to you in his office?

[mosaickiwi]

After reading your Ren/Angel writings (love them all ❤️)an idea poped up. Mc doesn't like the taste of artifical cherries so they avoid eating any cherry flavored candies. Ren knows this. But somehow Mc notices Ren seems to secretly love cherry candies so Angel surprises them with a variety of cherry candies 🍬

💝 Wondering how they find out hmm. Cherry scented cologne hidden in the bathroom? Ren taking 0.25 seconds longer than usual to pick a little treat in line at the grocery store? Detective Angel is on the case...!

14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI

💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤

Very Cherry

The rustling of plastic bags was unmistakable as you opened all the things you'd bought, but [REDACTED] dutifully kept his eyes closed. You accidentally knocked one bag over and sent a few lollipops careening off the table with a loud clatter. A few fell into his lap. He pretended not to notice.

“Y’really don't want any he—”

“No!!” you quickly interrupted him, already picking the candies up. “It's a surprise.”

Finally, after discarding a few damaged goods, the bowl you'd set before him was full. All sorts of colorful sweets were piled together. Gummies, chocolates, hard candies and more, each with a cherry flavor to them that you were certain he’d love.

You made a face at the pile, but thankfully none of it was for you to snack on. “You can open your eyes,” you said, but changed your mind immediately. “Wait! Wait—” You ran around to sit opposite of them at the table. Seeing his reaction was all you could think of for the past few weeks. “Okay, now open them.”

Their eyes opened, neither shocked nor surprised, but excited nonetheless. “‘Was wonderin’ what y’were buying all this candy y’don’t even like for. Seemed like too much for the kids at the library.”

“Hey!” You didn't expect him to admit to stalking your internet history. “I thought you'd learn to stop snooping by now. Act surprised, or else.”

They grinned before doing their best soft and shy Haruko impression—a mockery of an act they'd long since dropped. “O-Oh, a gift? You're so sweet, Angel!! I can't believe you bought these for me. I promise I'll treasure it!”

You rolled your eyes, but answered with sincerity, “You're worth every cent. I like seeing you happy, Ren. And I like making you happy.”

“Shit…” [REDACTED] muttered and rubbed at his jaw, almost at a loss for words. “I... Thank you. Really.”

In spite of the genuine blush forming on the hacker’s cheeks, you could tell he had mixed feelings. Of course they'd be grateful for anything you gifted him. But if it was something that you were open about hating, the item in question would be avoided altogether. Regardless of his own feelings on the matter. It was a strange tendency they couldn’t really let go of just yet. 

Encouragement, and a little pleading, would do the trick, though. 

“I worked really hard to find all of these. And I was looking forward to seeing your face when you finally had some,” you said, practically pouting at them, your chin resting in the palms of your hands. “Just a bite?” 

Both the statements were true. Since you couldn't stand the flavor you thoroughly scoured all the online reviews before enlisting the pickiest of your friends to taste test, then repeated it all to find candies that suited him. Enough to get a wide variety. So the results from all that effort were very important to you.

Incapable of ever refusing the smallest request, your partner grabbed a wrapped candy at random from the bowl. It was a half moon shape, and a bright shade of red with a white line along the round edge. Kiara had suggested that one—but only after telling her all the expensive candies she sent would use up a huge chunk of your budget. 

You chose to keep that information to yourself as he carefully unwrapped the gummy candy. Any mention of another person would no doubt sour his mood.

[REDACTED] held the candy up to their lips, and instead of eating it whole, they took the tiniest nibble you'd ever seen. Still, his face lit up at the first sample. He took another tiny bite, then another and another. As if he couldn’t decide between savoring or devouring it completely.

“Do you like it?” You leaned forward on the table, relishing in his reaction. 

He swallowed to answer you right away, putting the candy—with not even half of it missing—back in its paper. “Yeah. ‘Like it a lot, actually.” 

The bowl’s many candies crinkled as you fished through it to pull more of the same type out. “They have a sour version, too. I'm sure you'll like that one even better,” you said. In the small pile of half moons you made, there were a few speckled with white sugar. He took another. “I'll order some more so you don't have to eat them like… that.” 

“‘M not trying t’save ‘em,” he mumbled, though the delicate way he unwrapped a sour gummy and started nibbling again like a hamster said otherwise. It was a fascinating sight, if not completely silly for the man decked head to toe in black clothes, intimidating accessories, and silver piercings. You had to keep yourself from giggling and he insisted again. “Really, Angel. I jus’ wanna be able to thank you properly when I’m done.”

You smiled at their consideration. All too easily, you could imagine your face scrunching up at the cherry taste sure to linger on your boyfriend's tongue if he kept indulging. “I'd still kiss you even if you taste awful,” you teased.

As if to test your confidence, he popped the candy into his mouth and watched you pointedly. They took their sweet time to chew it, giving you time to reconsider the idea while he fiddled with a lollipop from the bowl.

Your nose wrinkled as the faint cherry smell finally wafted over, the fruity scent stronger than you anticipated. “... Maybe only on the cheek, though.”

He noisily stood from his chair, and you knew right away he was leaving to brush his teeth.

[thechekhov]

Hey Chekhov! How do you start converting an AU idea from character sheets and mini comics into a plot outline for a full, continuous comic? Especially if the series you're basing it on isn't complete?

I've been following your white diamond Steven comics for years, and frankly, I love how it builds and continues the scaffolding canon laid to be something that is thematically still the same but also very unique. And I never thought I'll ever say this, but now I'm working on a canon-divergent AU with someone that's I think aiming to do something similar(continue the themes of canon but different). So I'll just like some advice, I suppose!

You might've answered something like this before, honestly, but I tried to dig a little and couldn't really find it.

Thanks, if you do answer this! I just want take the opportunity as well to say also that your comic and blog accompanied me through parts of my late teens, and I'm very grateful for you being a stabilizing influence during that time.

Thank you! I really appreciate you saying that, and I appreciate you respecting me enough to ask for advice.

As for your question...

Well, to be frank, I don't START with character sheets and mini-comics. In fact, for WD!AU, I didn't have any character sheets until I started season 2.

Think of your story as an aquarium. Your characters are fish.

Yes, they're important, but having a whole bunch of fish without any substrate, tanks, feed and WATER..... will not really make for a memorable aquarium experience.

The reality is that all stories should start with an end.

That's my personal approach, anyway.

What I mean is - you need to know the general idea for your story before you begin to write or plan it.

Let's try this:

1.Tell me about your story in THREE sentences!

Just three. Not long ones, just regular ones.

For my AU, @ask-whitepearl-and-steven, it would be:

"A young orphan runs away from home with a mysterious lady who seems more cryptid than human. He realizes that he's not human either - he used to be the ruler of an alien planet! He and the other aliens he meets decide to (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (REDACTED) and he (REDACTED) (REDACTED) (READACTED) (READ ANDCTED) (READ AND FIND OUT)."

YOU should know how YOUR story ends too! Even vaguely.

It helps if you know at what point you plan to lay down the pencil. Because if you DO know, you are always going to know which direction to walk in, even if the end is so far away it's beyond your line of sight.

It's true that when I began WDAU, I didn't have much information about White Diamond and white Pearl, because they had literally ONLY been introduced. I had to guess a lot of the details (like WP being Pink's originally) and what White would be capable of. And thankfully, my original intent for the story's end fit pretty well with what was later revealed!

But don't forget - you could also just fuck around with stuff! It's your story, after all.

And don't forget... to also look back!

2.Tell me WHY the story is happening in the first place.

There's a reason that the beginning of your story happens when it does. If there is no reason to start somewhere, then find a different place to start.

You should be able to tell me "We're picking up the story here because something significant has happened... and that significant thing happened BECAUSE...."

That 'because' is your main background information that should be revealed slowly throughout the story. In WDAU's case, we only have a few pieces of the puzzle. We know Greg's side. He know Earl's side. But there are still little bits and pieces missing! And they're all important for finding out WHY Steven ended up an orphan and WHY he is being followed by White Pearl (Earl) at the very start of the comic!

3.Tell me what the coolest and most interesting things to happen would be....and then write them!

I think this may be something that's rarely said out loud, but I will speak on the behalf of the people...

We should write the scenes we want to read. If you don't want to read the scene you're writing, then DON'T write it!

If you feel like you "have to" do a page and a half of 'lore' because you think it's traditional to have that 'explanation' about the location of your story, or the history of the species or whatever, you're simply wrong. There are other ways to reveal information aside from just forced paragraphs upon paragraphs of information that would make an SAT Reading Section sweat.

Instead, I recommend that you find the most exciting or hilarious way for the characters to discover the most important bits of info. Find a dramatic twist. Shove it into the narrative. Then, figure out what needs to happen to get there.

Ultimately, though, remember this: When you're taking advice from me or from others, don't forget to take advice from yourself, too! It's your story, after all. You know it best, and only YOU can figure out how to get it written.

I hope that helps at least a little bit! Writing it never easy, but it should still be enjoyable!

[garagepaperback]

absolutely love your fic recs omg! do you have any recs for authors who are currently still active? i'll read anything but i'm a big fan of stories that take their time and have a slow slow slow burn.

aww thank you for the ask! here are some of my top-tier favorites from ~active~ authors, varying degrees of slow burn:

probationary action - @toomuchplor

this fic is like being in a carnival funhouse where the walls are writhing, panting, dumb-hot, rigorously perfect smut and then slowly, slowly, you recognize all the mirrors and the warped floor are actually soft, glancing sentiment and crisp prose and then you make it back outside to a big, real, aching world. in the parking lot you will have also important thoughts about the punitive justice system.

Harry breathes out a sigh, dropping his face into the open palms of his hands. “Thank Merlin for you, Neville,” Harry says, looking up again. “You really are the best of all of us.” “I’m not,” says Neville, “but I do want to see you happy, Harry.” Harry reaches out and squeezes Neville’s shoulder fondly. “It must be very interesting, dating Malfoy,” says Neville, standing up. “He uses a lot of sex spells, doesn’t he.”

la, who am i to love you? - @epitomereally

a masterpiece! i'm actually getting sun-soaked dazed eyes just thinking about it. perfect, heat-scoured (the riddled-with-light skies! the la fires! the radiant blooming gardens! the fucking pool!) lush location, one of the most interesting takes, and still true-to-the-marrow depictions of harry, draco, pansy, luna - the list is endless. also so hot, and so dear. even the traffic feels dreamy.

“Maybe you could list the pros and cons of moving to LA for me, Harry,” Dr Goldstein prods. Uncomfortably, all Harry can think is Draco, Draco, Draco.

the july tree - @oknowkiss

:,) this is so sweet, fun, hot and adoring from another masterful prose-maker. everything that is glanced at feels so naturally done, the vividness creeps in before you're liable to fully realize you're in fact reading and not truly looking. explorative and understanding. 10/10, wonderful, a hundred gold stars.

His neck was in shambles from where it had been bent over to one side. He tried to move but there was a heavy weight on his shoulder. He looked down and saw Potter had fallen asleep on him. Potter’s hand had slipped between Draco’s legs, just above his knees, and then the train came to a stop and Potter woke up as well, lifting his head, his glasses slightly crooked. Draco wanted to go back an hour and keep himself awake, so that he could feel Potter on him, warm and heavy and unguarded. Instead he’d had only a few seconds before Potter sat up straight, stretching his arms overhead. He smiled at Draco before standing, resting his hand on top of Draco’s head as he walked by. It was lovely, and intimate, but all Draco could think of was the hour he’d slept through, an hour of time spent with Potter he wouldn’t ever get back, his brain repeating over and over, I missed it.

cut from the sky - @mallstars

so much of what i'm desperate to say about this fic is [redacted] for spoiler reasons! such a raw romance wound around an incredible, engaging, heart-stuttering plot. i'm jutting my lip out and there's a vacant ache in my ribs where my heart's supposed to be over this one. lovely, queer, splendid, just perfect. god.

"Please," Harry heard himself say, though he didn't quite know what he was asking. Draco kissed his forehead. "Of course," he replied. "What would you like?" Harry shivered, watching the runnels of water against Draco's flushed cheek. "Please," Harry said again, dropping his head against Draco's leather-clad shoulder, thinking of his hotel room, of stumbling into Draco's store tomorrow, calling him Malfoy and pretending his days didn't revolve entirely around him, "Please don't leave. Please don't leave just yet."

gallows-bird - @jtimu

i want to describe this one with eight knife emoji's and nothing more. four chapters in and every single one individually has ruined my day. it's wonderful, dreary, just enough gray that you'll wonder if the glint you thought you saw was hope or just a trick of the light. highly recommend, misery loves company, come on through.

There hadn’t ever been anyone to soothe Harry’s hurts. To fuss over his skinned knees or brush his hair back from his temples with tender thumbs, too coo softly over a scrape. Comfort was something he’d learned secondhand, dear and hard-bought, and so sat there with his fingers twisted together, knuckles like knotgrass, and tried to wrench the words out. He wanted to touch, instinct told him that much, but he lacked the framework for how and where, and so he didn’t, and they sat there together in a thorny silence.

from love, obviously - @starsworth

counting even though bizarrestars is writing mostly (lovely! gender-explorative! wonderful! wolfstar and also black familial fic currently) not drarry because just god damn. an essential read for me. weirdo, phenomenal draco and the best teddy in the game, easily. hilarious but in that way where your breath snags after laughing really hard and the moment sort of echoes.

"You were kissing," Teddy says. "I saw it."  Harry's eyes sink shut for a moment, and he drags a hand through his hair, which Draco may have accidentally made a mess of, then he blows out a deep breath and opens his eyes. "That's—well, that did happen, yes. That was…something we did."  Teddy's eyes narrow. "I thought you were mortal enemies."  "Mortal enemies kiss…sometimes," Harry says weakly, clearly out of his depth here. He grimaces almost immediately after he says this, then seems to remember he's the adult out of the two of them and coughs, standing up taller. "Nevermind that, you'll understand when you're older."

close behind - @oflights

oh my whole fucking heart. destroyed! adrift! she died how she lived. reading this feels like listening to music, something sleek and melodic, and when i actually consider the masterfully-rendered level of complexity in the plot, it feels like trying to peer into the belly of an actively-playing grand piano. certainly does not hurt to be an enormous fan of eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, orpheus and eurydice myth, and general suffering <3

“It’ll be all right,” Draco said again, and Harry swallowed the rest of his words. He couldn’t let them out here, in their bed, in their home; not yet. And his body didn’t know how to say what he wanted it to, not with Draco this close. Harry didn’t know how to tell Draco that they wouldn’t be all right, not in any language. Not yet.