#[ooc] and god knows she probably needs it after whatever happened to make her wind up here

[moonshadowed]

"What, this?" Geordi asks, pointing to the strange device around his eyes. "This is my VISOR. I was born blind, and this helps me see."

He reaches up, disconnecting the VISOR. Now fully sightless eyes try to find @double-knots ' gaze as he passes the object to the teenage girl, smile bright and encouraging.

“You can try it on, if you want, but it might be a little confusing at first.” // starter call!

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

Our First Defeat

Chapter 1: You’ve Cut Me to the Bone

Uh, oh- guess what time it is? That’s right chicks, dicks, and everyone in betwix(t)....

It’s ‘another series that should’ve just been a straightforward one shot’ time!!!!

This is probably going to be at least a four parter, so buckle up buttercups.

Warnings: Smut, infidelity, oral, cum play, longing, ANGST, Lewis being a shitty husband to Katherine, run-on sentences, feels, probably OOC Nixy-poo, childhood f2l mention, mentions of prom sex so underage I guess(?), potty words, rich people parties, reader is tipsy when they boink but so is Nix and it’s pre-established desire so idk man

Special thanks to @sunsetmando​ for being my constant idea sounding board and cheerleader and to @liebgotttme​ and @mrsalwayswrite​ for their unfalteringly supportive praise despite my constant self-inflicted shit talking!

Title and chapter names will come from the first defeat by noah gundereson

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Say what you wanted to about Doris and Stan Nixon, but they sure threw one hell of a party.

 Waiters in sharp suits, sparkling crystal glasses filled with golden champagne, marble floors polished to a near reflective shine- nothing but the very best for the engagement party for Mrs. Nixon’s baby boy.

If your heart hadn’t already become calloused from heartbreak, you probably would burst into tears.

You’d known the Nixons all of your life, and with Nixon being a year and a half your senior and his younger sister being three years your junior, the three of you had little choice to become anything other than close. Even when Lewis had grown old enough to get sick of girls and their games of dress up and make-believe, you and he still managed to get along.

 You were both the oldest children in your families, and for a while you had also attended the same advanced reading course offered by your private elementary school’s librarian. Your shared love of books had bonded you nearly as much as your shared birth orders, and it wasn’t uncommon for your parents to find you both nose deep in one of your father’s large tomes of mythology.

 It surprised no one that the two of you became close as you got older. 

What did strike both of your families as odd was just how close you two stayed- especially when you both started attending your respective boy’s and girl’s boarding schools. You’d been each other’s penpals, school dance dates, and summer trip companions.

 After your Junior prom, you’d lost your virginities to each other after polishing off two bottles of lethally strong port wine. Nixon, sex-drunk and just plain old drunk-drunk, had insisted that he’d done ‘other things’ with girls- that he wasn’t really a virgin but he’d yet to actually do the act. 

As if he was worried that you’d make fun of him.

 As if you’d think less of him for it.

 Of course, things had changed once college came around.

He became busy with his studies, and you had thrown yourself into attaining your nursing credentials. He’d gotten a fair share of girlfriends and you’d had a few relationships of your own.

 When your families would get together for holidays and birthdays, the two of you would inevitably sneak off and fuck until one of you decided that someone was going to notice your absences.

 Then, after rejoining everyone else for an appropriately deemed amount of time, you’d rush off again to repeat the cycle. Sex with Lewis was everything you’d been told you shouldn't want- hard and desperate and just left of dirty but God did you love it. You loved the way your bodies fit together, the way his breath felt on your neck as he held onto you so tightly that you thought he might leave bruises. The way he kissed you as if he were drinking the air from your lungs, like he needed your lips in order to breathe, to live.

 More than anything, you loved the ease that existed between you two- the way you both helped the other redress and how he would take your face in his hands and call you sweet things as he gave you languid kisses before giving you a wicked grin and guiding you both back to the party.

 It wasn’t ideal, and more often than not you’d feel hollow again after a few days, but your trysts with Lew were the closest thing you had to a consistent relationship.

 When Pearl Harbor happened, you’d made the decision to enlist as a field nurse. Nixon had begun to attend an Officer’s school, so you’d already started to resign yourself to the fact that this fling of yours could never be anything more than just that, a fling. Apparently he had, too.

 You’d felt like you had been punched in the stomach when you heard about Katherine.

 He hadn’t even told you that he was seriously seeing someone, let alone considering marrying anyone.

It had hurt more than you wanted to admit.

How you managed to keep a straight face when his mother proudly told you and your mother about the engagement, you’ll never know.

 All you did know was that he’d made a choice, and it wasn’t you.

And you had to get over it.

 Even so, it had still taken both your mother and your father to convince you to come to this party tonight. Your brother and sister had been allowed to stay home- they were still considered too young to attend such frivolous events. 

Lucky bastards.

 But you’d let your mother dress you in a velvet gown of indigo-violet decorated with rhinestones across the bodice and sleeves, allowed your younger sister to braid your hair in a halo around your head (despite your mother’s plea for you to wear it in a more fashionable and mature style) and even gotten a grumble of a compliment from your sulking teenage brother and greeted the Nixon’s with the same amount of warmth you always had.

 If nothing else, finishing school had taught you well when it came to hiding your true feelings.

 Katherine was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen, her hair shiny and her skin perfect and her body curvy and tight in all the right places. Her sky blue dress draped across her form perfectly, as if it had been made for her.

Her hands were graceful and delicate- the perfect canvas for the huge diamond ring Nix had bestowed upon her.

 To make matters worse? You liked her.

She was smart and well-spoken, with a habit of interrupting someone mid-sentence but that wasn’t enough to make you dislike her.

 “Lew’s sung your praises for years,” Katherine had smiled smally after you’d introduced yourself to her. “it’s wonderful to finally put a face to the name….”

“It’s all lies, most likely,” you assured with a grin, a sudden realization hitting you. “Speaking of Little Lew—”

Katherine rolls her eyes and offers a conspiratory whisper.

“Pretty sure he’s stress smoking somewhere upstairs. I’ve been trying to get him to quit—”

You snort at that. “Then you are far braver than most, and you have my respect.”

 You look over your shoulder, frowning as you took in the scene.

Turning back to Katherine, you give her a nod.

“I’ll hurry him along,” you murmur softly. “Drag him down by the ear if I’ve got to—”

“Consider my respect earned in kind, then.”

Sharing a smile, you politely excuse yourself and slip away up the stairs.

 You had a feeling that you knew exactly where Nix was hiding.

~

The formal library was dark wood and warm leather, with deep seats and cigar smoke stained books that sat on shelves so high that even the tallest man needed to utilize the built-in ladder to reach the top.

As children, you and Lewis had spent countless hours reading of far-away lands and exotic adventures, darting back and forth between whatever book you’d decided on and the grand globe by the window to trace your fingers over countries neither of you would probably ever actually visit.

This room held your sweetest memories, as well as some of your racier ones.

 Finding Lewis in here was only fitting.

 He looked unbearably handsome- sat on the windowsill with the wind fluttering his hair across his forehead while the moon lit up his profile and made him look like some exquisite marble statue.

The cigarette between his lips reminded you of all the times he’d smoke after fucking you, the way he’d exhale the smoke into your parted lips before kissing you so deeply your toes would curl.

 “I could get used to this,” he’d said, after one of your last trysts.

“What, smoking yourself to death in your dad’s library?”

He’d shot you a glare before attacking your neck with kisses that left you giggling from how they tickled your skin.

“No, Smartass,” Lewis said as he nudged your nose with his, a lazy smile clear on his face when he lifted his head away from you enough to meet your eyes. “This, with you. Not having to rush off before your mom comes looking for you. It’s nice….”

 That felt like a lifetime ago.

 “If you frown at the moon any longer,” you call out, smirking at the way he startles before realizing it’s just you. “You’re gonna get a wrinkle before all the wedding photos.”

 He shoots you a look, shaking his head before turning to stub out the cigarette in the silver ashtray.

“Not even gonna lull me into a false sense of security before giving me shit, huh?”

With a practiced ease, he gently slides the window back into place and locks it, fanning the lingering wafts of smoke from around his face before turning to fully face you.

 A familiar smile crosses his face that has you rolling your eyes.

“Well, I’ve gotta get all I can out of my system- now that you’ve gone and replaced me.”

 With another withering look, Lew comes up and kisses your cheek before wrapping an arm around your shoulders and another around your waist to lower you into a dipped hug.

 “Hey now,” he grumbles into the shell of your ear, his breath tickling your neck and causing you to shiver. “I think you’re underestimating your talents if you think anyone can fling smartass comments my way better than you- oh!”

 Twisting you back up so you’re both standing, he pushes the door to the library closed to get to the bookshelf behind it. 

 With curiosity, you watch him pull a book from the shelf and present it to you with a flourish.

“A gift for you, my lady.”

 Rolling your eyes, you take the book in your hands and peer at the cover.

 You recognize the title immediately as a Poirot mystery, a grin breaking across your lips as you realize it’s one of your favorites- a collection of short stories featuring the Belgian detective and Captain Hastings.

 As you open the book, you suck in a breath when you see the scrawl of Agatha Christie’s signature across the title page, and upon further inspection, you realize it’s a first edition.

 “Holy shit, Lew…” you whisper, running your fingertip across the indents in the paper her heavy-handed scrawl. “Where’d this come from? How’d you know….?”

 Looking up at Lewis again, you are slightly embarrassed by the amused expression on his face, deciding to look back down rather than acknowledge how clearly he was watching your reaction.

 “Well,” he begins, stepping behind you to squeeze your shoulders. “It came from a bookshop, believe it or not—”

 “Lewis—”

 “And as for the how….Blanche told me in one of her letters.”

 That gives you pause again- the reminder that you and he hadn’t written anything to each other in quite some time.

 Clearing your throat, you set the book down on one of the desks and bring a hand up to rest over one of his. “That’s very…..thank you.”

 You feel him press a quick peck to the crown on your head, something you were fine with until you left the pressure of his lips lingering there.

 “I hope, uh…hoped you’d also take it as a sort of, er- peace offering, of sorts….”

 You feel your shoulders tense at that. The blood in your veins suddenly feels cold and dead.

You’d hoped he wouldn’t do anything like this- wouldn’t bring any of this up.

 “I’m sure I don't know what you’re talking about—”

“Yes you do.”

 Sucking in a sharp breath through your nose, you turn around to face him. 

 “There’s nothing to offer peace for,” it’s taking more effort than you like to keep your voice even. “What you do with your life is none of my business.”

 “It doesn’t change the fact that you should’ve heard about it from me,” he says quietly, and as his breath fans across your face you can pick up the sweet bite of whiskey beneath the smell of cigarette smoke. “That was….I should’ve been the one to tell you—”

 “I don’t see why you felt you had to.” You give him a tight smile, working hard to keep yourself from scowling. “It’s not like we made any promises to each other….which I thought was the whole appeal of me, if I’m being honest.”

 Lewis brings his hands up to brush against your jaw, the unexpectedly soft touch making you shudder before you can stop yourself

 “You’ve got to have known that I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, Y/N—”

 “Don’t say that,” you hiss under your breath, biting the insides of your lip and shaking your head. “That’s unfair, you can’t do this- it’s wildly unfair to Katherine, it’s not fair to me—”

 Lewis scoffed at that, a rueful smirk twisting his face as he let his eyes trail down your face.

 “‘Unfair’....what’s unfair is asking me to go down there and pretend like everything’s hunky-dory when you’re here, looking like everything I’ve ever wanted in my goddamned life and expecting me to act like I wasn’t wishing you were on my arm instead—”

 “Jesus Christ, Lewis, that’s enough—” you cross your arms across your chest as you step back out of his touch and turn to look at the wall of books. “What’s the matter with you? I’ve always known you could be an asshole, but this is cruel, even for you—”

 “How am I being an asshole?” he snaps, taking your shoulders and turning you back to face him, his frown deep and imploring. “Because I’m being honest? Huh? ‘Cause I’m telling you the truth—?”

 “Because you’re telling me the truth now!” you say venomously, letting your own face morph into a scowl. “Tonight, the fucking night where we’re all here to celebrate you and Katherine getting married! You can’t just expect me to not respect that—”

 “What if I told you I didn’t even want to marry her—?”

“Lower your voice!”

 You don’t realize how close you’ve gotten to each other until you accidentally scuff your toes against the side of his polished shoe, something that shocks you out of your anger like a cold splash of water.

 His cheeks are rosy with both drink and frustration, and you’re pretty sure that your face is flushed as well. Closing your eyes, you sigh and hang your head.

 “If you didn’t want this,” you say a bit more calmly. “Then why did you ask her in the first place?”

 You startle slightly at the feeling of him taking your hand, opening your eyes to watch him bring it to his clean-shaven cheek and hold it there. His eyes look tired, sad almost.

 “Because I’m being shipped out soon,” he sighs heavily, twisting his head enough to press a kiss to your palm as the air whooshes out of your lungs in a pained sigh. “Because it’s what’s expected of me.”

Meeting your hesitant gaze, he offers a sad little smile and a shrug.

“Because it couldn’t be you, I didn’t really care who it was—” 

 Quickly, you take back control of the hand he’s holding and put your fingertips gently over his lips, your throat feeling tight at the admission.

“Don’t,” you whisper shakily. “Don’t finish that sentence….”

 Taking your hand again, he moves it away from his mouth.

 “Why not?” he says back just as quietly, eyes scanning your face. “Am I being an asshole?”

 You shake your head, chest tightening as you take in his confession. “You’re breaking my heart all over again.”

 He nods, his jaw clenching as he studies you. “I keep doing that, don’t I?”

 When you don’t show any sign of amusement at his comment, he encourages you to wrap an arm around his neck as he pulls you into another borderline inappropriate embrace. A hug that was better suited for two lovers rather than two friends grieving a future that was entirely hypothetical.

 His lips press to the side of your throat, inhaling the smell of your skin deeply and slowly.

“I don’t mean to,” he whispers, splaying his large hand across the small of your back. “I really want you to know that.”

 You stay silent, focusing all of your energy into not crying.

 Even if he had asked you to marry him, you would’ve had to say no.

Married women were unwelcome in all branches of military nursing- and you had worked too hard to ever consider giving that dream up.

Not even for Lewis Nixon….although you probably would’ve thought about it harder.

 “I sometimes wish we’d never kissed,” you say with emotion in your voice, letting him hold you even closer at your hushed admission. “I wish I didn’t care about you, then we wouldn’t have to be like this…”

 “I don’t,” he mumbled against your skin. “I wouldn’t take any of this back- even if I could.”

 You shake your head sadly as you bring your other arm around his shoulders to more fully embrace him.

“That’s because you’re a masochist almost as much as you are a sadist—”

 He groans at that, taking his face from your neck to press his cheek against yours.

“I knew getting you those Freud books was a mistake….”

 This time you allow yourself to sigh a laugh. “Only because they seem to hit the nail on the head when it comes to explaining why you are how you are.”

 “An asshole?”

 “Yeah, Lew.” you gently break free of his embrace and smooth your hands down the front of his tuxedo- straightening his bowtie on the way. “Now you’re getting it.”

 He looks as if he’s going to say something else, but you force a smile on your face and shake your head.

“C’mon, Mr. Nixon,” you say with a nod. “Your public awaits you. Best not keep them waiting.”

 “Y/N—” He calls as you turn on your heel and walk to open the door.

 “I’ll see you down there, Lewis.”

 With that admonishing reminder, you open the door and hurry to find the restroom in order to collect yourself.

Dinner was going to be hell.

~

Of course, Doris sat you beside where Lewis was seated in the middle of the table- Katherine on his left and you on his right.

 “Surrounded by his favorite girls,” Mrs. Nixon had cooed, standing behind Lewis’s chair and squeezing his shoulders excitedly. “What a lucky man you are….”

 They had only just served the soup and already you wanted to crawl out of your skin.

The only things that saved you were wine and the endless stream of one-sided conversation from Katherine’s young cousin Marcus, who sat to your right.

 He couldn’t have been more than sixteen- eyes wide and battle-hungry as he prattled on about the training courses he planned on enrolling in so that he could go to Japan and take revenge for the lives lost during Pearl Harbor. It served as a good distraction from the feeling of Lew’s eyes on your profile, silently begging you to turn and look at him.

 You didn’t give in.

 Marcus’s heart was in the right place, and it wasn’t his fault that you were trying to drown your distress in the sea of white wine you were creating inside of your belly. 

But you had the feeling that if you had to listen to any more talk of what his brother had told him about the Navy and how prestigious their ships were, you were going to smack your head against the table until you passed out.

 The only person who seemed to pick up on your distress was Lewis, and right now you were pretty committed to ignoring his attempts of conversation- hoping that by doing so you were strong-arming him into actually talking to Katherine, who was being so charming and well mannered that you felt like you were suffocating.

 As you brought your fourth glass of wine to your lips, Lew decided to speak rather than just look.

 “Think maybe you should slow down, Y/N?” Lewis says it quietly enough that only you and Katherine can hear him, and when you turn to face him you catch the sight of the other woman suppressing a chuckle into her glass of sparkling water. 

A drop of resentment stains your previously high regard for her- her slight amusement being amplified to condescension in your current bitter state.

 “Don’t worry ‘bout me, Little Lewie,” you say with a light slur in your voice- one that only those who truly knew you would be able to detect. 

As a child, you’d had a slight speech impediment that you’d grown out of with proper training and practice. It was only when you were overly tired or when you drank that it slipped back into your speech.

You could feel that now, its presence heavy on your tongue.

“Just gettin’ it outta my system while I’ve still got the chance……”

 When you're able to find his eyes with your own, you see the concern shining in them and suddenly feel like you want to cry. 

 You can’t help but think that this could’ve been yours- your engagement party, your future.

You’d say that the ring on Katherine’s finger could’ve been yours as well, but if you were being honest you found it too gaudy and flashy for your taste.

Lewis probably would’ve known that, too….would’ve chosen something significantly smaller and much more simple to present to you while down on one knee.

 But he’s not mine, should’ve stopped thinking of him as mine a long time ago.

 Without another word to him you slid your chair back from the table and stood, nodding appreciatively to the butler who instantly appeared to scoot the chair back into place.

Your mother, who was sitting closer to the door, gave you a worried look as you made to walk past her, silently asking if you were alright.

 With a smile that didn’t reach your eyes, you gently placed your hand on her shoulder in false reassurement that you were just fine. You mouth the word ‘bathroom’, as you passed her and exited the dining room.

 How you managed not to run up the staircase in search of somewhere you could let your mask of contentment fall away, you have no idea.

But you did. Your finishing school teachers would’ve been proud.

 Rushing through the library you knew better than the back of your hand, you quickly found the small, slightly hidden room behind a sculpture that held all the wealth of paper and writing supplies.

 The door barely shuts behind you before you suck in a shaking breath, face hot with tears you were refusing to shed. Each exhale sounds as if it’s being punched out of you, hands reaching out into the dark to feel for the wall so you can find the small footstool to sit upon.

 You were right, you couldn’t do this.

 It was too much, despite how desperately you’d tried to callous over the raw part of your heart that still ached for him. Resting your head in your hands, you try to slow your breathing, to muffle to sobs begging to be freed from your chest.

 The sound of the door clicking open has you shooting to your feet in surprise, the wine in your blood making itself known as you teeter slightly and you have to brace your hand against the wall to steady yourself.

The snap of the light being turned on makes you squint at the sudden brightness, the sight of Lewis breathing heavily as he leans against the door to close it behind him making your heart race even faster.

 “You shouldn’t-” you have to sniff quickly before finishing your admonishment. “You really shouldn’t be here, Lewis.” 

 He nods, his Adam's apple jumping in his throat as he swallows, eyes trailing up and down your body. “I know.”

Even as he says it, Lewis starts walking towards you. “I should go….”

 Your own breathing has become deep and heavy, lips parted to accommodate the sudden desperate need for more air in your lungs.

Mind having failed you, you search for the right words to send him away- to tell him that what’s about to happen is wrong and that you’re just making it harder on yourselves in the long run.

But all you can think as he reaches you, his hands coming up to hold your face with an unmistaken intention, is that you are going to explode if he doesn’t kiss you right now.

 Lucky for you, his thoughts seem to be similarly inclined.

 He kisses you so hard that you think your lips will bruise, his hands pulling your face so desperately close that his eyelashes tickle your cheeks as his eyes squeeze shut.

As you moan somewhere deep in your throat, Lewis opens his mouth to swallow the sound. His hair is soft in your hands, your fingers fisting and pulling at it until he makes a groan of his own.

 You allow yourself to rise up on your toes to make his head tilt back slightly, gasping into his lips when he suddenly uses his grip on your face to pull your mouth back from his.

He licks his bottom lip, whispering your name so you open your eyes and look at him with a heavy-lidded gaze.

 “I-I don’t want to go without one more….” he seems to be at a loss for words, which for Lewis Nixon is truly unusual. But you think you can read his frustrated silence.

Your eyes search his dark ones, uncurling your fists from his roots to bring your thumbs to his forehead and smooth the concerned furrow in his brow.

 “Okay,” you whisper, coming down off of your toes to brush your nose against his. “Then do it.”

 As if your words were a racing gun’s shot, Lewis hungrily kisses you again- backing you up against the wall and clutching at you with carnal desperation.

You lose yourself in his fervor, scratching your nails down the back of his neck just shy of leaving a mark and moving to loosen his bowtie.

 He catches your hands and pins them beside your head, squeezing them in a silent request to keep them there. You nod into the kiss, gasping for breath when he tears his mouth from yours and drops to his knees before you.

Looking down your body at him, you pant lewdly as you watch his hands disappear beneath the skirt of your dress and hurriedly pull your underpants down around your ankles. 

 The only patience he shows is in his careful assistance of helping your step out of them, but then he is immediately returning to his pilgrimage to the warm place between your thighs- bunching the deep violet-blue fabric in one fist while his other hand encourages your thigh up and over his shoulder.

He kisses you down there just as thoroughly as he had your mouth, licking the hot petals greedily to part the way to your clit before attacking it noisily and skillfully. Your head makes a dull sound as it lolls back to hit the wall, your hips surging forward at the gentle and unintentional scrape of his teeth against the soft flesh.

In an apologetic motion, the hand holding your dress beside your waist rubbing its thumb soothingly across your side. 

You allow one of your hands to drop from beside your head to rest over his, your sigh of forgiveness getting lost in a breathy keen of pleasure.

 “Shit,” you sigh, bowing your head forward to watch him look up at you from between your legs. “Jesus Christ, Lewis!”

 Rather than take his mouth from you to reply, he elects to moan into your sex, the vibration striking somewhere deep inside of you that has your thighs quaking. Your eyes drift closed as he continues to suckle on you, the sound of him inhaling sharply through his nose making you feel dizzy with heady desire.

It had been almost a year since he’d last gone down on you- only because that was the last time you were afforded enough time for such foreplay. 

 And he’d only gotten better at it.

 With careful yet distracted motions, he maneuvers the hand covering his so you are now holding your skirt up and out of the way for him. You open your eyes at the same moment you feel his fingers curl inside of you, an airy mewl slipping past your lips before you can stop it.

 “I’m gonna cum,” you mumble stupidly down at him, finally bringing your other hand down to fist in his hair again as you begin to see the white-hot orgasm creeping into the sides of your vision. “Too soon….I’m sorry, it’s too soon—!”

 His intentional humming around your bud paired with the cruelly perfect crook of his fingers sends your careening over the precipice of pleasure.

Your body shakes and your hips buck uncontrollably as he refuses to relent his near fervent milking of your orgasm.

 You keep expecting him to stop, to pull away from you and start to seek his own release. 

But he just doesn’t stop.

 “What’re you doing?” you ask brokenly, keening into another moan as he slips one more finger inside of you. “Get up here and—ohhh!”

 “Again, “ you hear him grunt into you with a near frantic tone. “Give me one more….”

 You’re absolutely lost as he ushers you into another orgasm, mouth feeling dry from the open mouth panting you’ve had to resort to in order to remain lucid.

 “I need you,” you whimper pathetically, your eyes open and unseeing as you gasp for breath in a vain attempt at cooling the fire burning in your body. “Please, I need you inside me….please, Lewis!”

 It feels like he’s only just unsealed his lips from your sex when suddenly his tongue is in your mouth and his hand is cupped around the back of your head, kissing you languidly as your thrumming ears pick up on the soft sounds of fabric being untucked and trousers being shoved open and down.

 Before you can manage to find the coordination to bring your hands down to help him free his cock, you feel him bringing the same thigh that had been over his shoulder up to hook around his hip.

 With a familiarity that aches in both your heart and your core, you wrap your arm around his shoulders and nod into the kiss, just as you had that first time in your dorm room after the night of your Junior prom.

After one more soft peck, Lewis sheaths himself fully inside of you.

 Your face twists at the abrupt fullness that stretches your sex to the sweet-stinging point that you ache for more often than you liked to admit, eyes flashing open in euphoric alarm as the man you’d loved since you were fifteen fucked into you with a punishing pace.

 Apparently, he was just as desperate for you as you had been for him.

 It’s now he who is making desperate noises that have to be muffled, his face buried into the slope where your shoulder meets your neck. 

At some point, he’s managed to undo the button at the top of the back of your dress, nosing the fabric around your collarbones open so he can latch his lips to the flesh at the curve of your shoulder- worrying at the skin with tongue, teeth, and lips.

 If you were in a teasing mood, you’d accuse him of having an oral fixation. 

Lewis would make another comment about how much he regretted giving you the books by Sigmund Freud. 

You’d try to offer some witty retort, only to be cut off by him pinching at your clit and biting at your lip.

 It was so easy, everything with him just felt so good and comfortable and warmly familiar.

 As if he can hear your thoughts, he presses his temple to yours so his lips are at your ear.

 “It should be you,” he nearly whines. “I’ve only ever wanted you—”

 The sob that bursts past your lips is so bitter and childish that even Lewis seems to notice through his haze, pulling his head back in time to catch sight of the tears rolling down your cheeks.

 “I’m sorry,” he grunts as he kisses the tears off of your skin. “I love you and I’m sorry.”

 Just as your first moan had been, your first deep sob is captured by his mouth. Your lips are salty and you can feel from his shaking lips that he’s struggling to keep his own upset at bay.

 The hand that was holding your thigh wraps around it to press a thumb against your clit, and you can’t stop the stream of babbling that follows the movement.

 You can’t shut up about how much you love him and how angry you are with him and how badly you wished things were different.

 “I know,” he mumbles to each admonishment and devotion you utter, his voice becoming tight as you intentionally squeeze down on him with everything that you’d got. “I know, I know, Please love me anyway, I know.”

 It’s the sound of Lewis coming undone that sends you into your second orgasm, holding on for dear life as he brokenly thrusts into you a few more times before yanking himself away to spill himself onto the wall beside you- bracing his arm there as you blindly reach down to stroke him as well.

 You both stand there, breathing as if you’d both just sprinted across the fields behind his house.

 Using the wall as a support, you turn to face him and press your forehead to his sweaty temple, the hand of the arm against the wall moving to rest atop your head as he shudders and stills in your hand.

“Good,” you breathlessly praise him as you gently release his cock. “So fucking good….”

 As you bring your hand to your mouth to suck it clean, Lewis curses lowly as his eyes follow the movement, like you’ve hurt him somehow.

Before you can reach your hand down to get more, Nix grabs your wrist and holds it in the air.

 “Don’t you dare,” he whooshes out with an exhale, turning his head to kiss you deeply enough that you know he can taste himself. “I’m gonna fucking cum again if you do shit like that…”

 You give him a small smile, pecking a quicker kiss on his lips.

“Didn’t think you’d be open to letting me lick it from you directly.”

 His wicked smile is lazy, wrapping his arm around your waist as you make to push yourself away and twisting your bodies so he’s now the one leaning against the wall with you pressed against him.

 ‘Not yet,” he pleads into the crook of your neck. “Please, not just yet.”

 And, because you’re a terrible and weak person, you stay.

 When his fingers start to undo the buttons holding your dress together in the back, you shake your head.

 “One more,” he murmurs as your dress starts to fall loose around your shoulders. “Just once more….”

 Despite knowing how much you’re going to hate yourself for doing so, you nod and lower your arms so your dress pools around your feet.

 “Okay,” you whisper. “Just once more.” ~ ~ ~ (HELLO I LOVE YOU AND SORRY FOR ANOTHER SERIES WHEN I HAVE ONLY EVER ACTUALLY FINISHED ONE BUT THIS IS WHO I AM AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT THEN I AGREE WITH YOU, TBH)

Taglist: @mrseasycompany​ @itswormtrain​ @mrsalwayswrite​ @happyveday​ @sunsetmando​ @ricksmorty​ @liebgotttme​

also let me know if you want to be added to le taglist bc i am a silly lily who will forget unless i’m constantly reminded

also also here’s the dress i used for reference bc what are outfits

[melancholydreadfuldream]

Going Under Part Four

Fandom: Doctor Who

 Pairing: 13th Doctor x Reader

 Summary: An accident during a routine adventure made your life spiraled out of control with only the Doctor as the anchor. Will you ever find your way back to your Doctor again?

 Trigger Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, attempted suicide, dark!doctor, death, insanity, etc. You have been warned.

 More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this.

     I fell on my knees as I clutched the sand beneath my fingers. I could feel wind blowing around me. I look around and I saw that I'm currently stranded on some beach?

  "(name)?" 

  I heard someone called my name from behind me.

  "(name)!!"

  I turned around and squinted my eyes against the annoying wind. It was Tenth Doctor in a blue suit and he is not alone. He is with Rose. 

  "Doctor?" I trailed in confusion.

  The Doctor ran toward me with a grin and hugged me tight while I just stood there and hesitantly hugged him back. 

  I just left a version of him alone. My heart ached suddenly at the reminder. That Doctor is sad, so very sad and I couldn't do a thing to ease his sorrow.

  The Doctor released me, still grinning happily.

  Rose didn't say anything but she smiled at me.

  I nodded at her. "Thanks for the stun gun?" I blurted out.

  She chuckled at that. "Don't mention it."

  The fact she know what I'm talking about meant she is the same Rose I met back at the crucible. Which meant this version of Tenth Doctor is from that time too.

  "What stun gun?" The Doctor asked. "Why do you even have a stun gun?" He sounded annoyed.

  "For protection." Both Rose and I simultaneously answered and we smiled genuinely at each other.

 "Stun gun is useless against the Daleks." The Doctor pointed.

  "I know. But it worked against the Master." I said.

  The Doctor's eyes widened. "The Master? You met the Master?!" He yelled.

  Rose is confused. "Who is the Master?"

  The Doctor explained who the Master is to her.

  My head felt dizzy suddenly I almost lost my balance but the Doctor caught me.

  "Are you okay?" He asked in concern.

  "Just a bit dizzy. Where are we now?" I asked. "Can we get something to eat first?" I rubbed my stomach as I smiled sheepishly at them. "I'm a bit hungry."

  It was Rose who told me where I am. Bad Wolf Bay.

  "Where is your Tardis, Doctor?" I asked.

  The Doctor rubbed his head with an almost guilt look. "Well, that is...a bit complicated."

  I stared at the Doctor in confusion as he explained that he is not exactly the Doctor. He said he is the metacrisis Doctor whatever that's meant. 

  My eyes widened when Rose helpfully tell me that the metacrisis grew from the hand in a jar I saw before.

  "Like a worm?" I asked with almost disgusted look.

  The Metacrisis looked insulted while Rose laughed out loud.

  I shivered in cold from the wind. Thankfully they noticed and finally suggested we left the beach.

  I stared at the metacrisis who is holding hand with Rose in contemplation.

  Usually I always ended up wherever the Doctor is. I suppose this metacrisis version counted as the Doctor.

  Rose called her mobile and shortly after a black car appeared. She gestured for me to get in.

  It felt kind of awkward as we shared a car. I didn't know what to say to them. But the two lovebirds are too busy staring at each other in silent.

  A sudden sharp pain in my head made me gasp out loud and I found myself spiralling like little Alice who fell into unknown hole. It feel like splintering but also...not?

   7777

  Cold. It was so cold.

  I opened my eyes and suddenly fell into a panic state as I found myself submerged under water. I opened my mouth, causing icy water to fill my throat and lung. 

  I struggled to surface and coughed harshly when I did. I wiped the water in my face and I saw Thirteenth Doctor rushing toward me, saying some comforting words but for some reason she sounded so far away. There must be waters inside my ears too.

  The Doctor is still rambling as she clutched my cheek, sometimes my hair but I still couldn't get what she is saying.

  "D-Doctor?" I whispered with chattering teeth. "Where am I?" I made a move to get out of...glass tube? "W-what is this?"

  The Doctor prevented me from moving out of the glass tube. She said something to me but I can't understand.

  "Doctor, I can't hear you!" I said in frustation.

  The Doctor stopped talking and she stared at me in sorrow.

  Suddenly she pushes me back by the head back into the icy water.

  I was shocked at first before I struggled against her strong grip but it was useless.

  From beneath the water, I saw her yelling something at someone I couldn't see. Someone is beside the Doctor and that person is about to inject me with something.

  I panicked even more as I screamed under water and everything turned black once more.

   7777

  I screamed myself awake.

  "(name), it is okay! Open your eyes! You are safe!" I heard a voice said urgently.

  I opened my eyes slowly to see Tenth Doctor, no, Metacrisis Doctor and Rose. They stared at me in concern.

  I took in my surrounding while still trying to calm my breath. I am in some medical room and I am not wet despite being under water just before. I coughed a few times as if getting the air knocked out of me.

  Was that a dream? I thought to myself as I touches my neck, remembering how the Thirteenth Doctor pushed me back into the icy water. Was she trying to kill me? Why?

   "W-what happened to her? What was that?" Rose asked the Metacrisis Doctor.

  I blinked, trying to focus on those two talking. 

  The Metacrisis Doctor is staring at me with a look of concern and fear. Fear for me? 

  "What?" I asked him.

  They told me that I suddenly fainted in the car and that I was in a...state. 

  "It was like you got stuck between one place and the next..." The Metacrisis Doctor said with a frown. "...like a blip..."

  I grimaced. Well, that one is new. So did I splinter? Unsuccessfully? "But I was here, right?"

  "Like I said, to us, it looked like you were stuck...like a blip but yeah, you are mostly here." He said again, frowning as he ponder about it. "Did you go somewhere?"

  "I think so. But it feel more like a vision of nightmare rather than being stranded somewhere foreign again..." Oh this is confusing and kind of scary. I groaned. Great, another unwanted complication.

  "Where did you go when you were in that state?" He asked. "Was that the first time it happened or...?"

  "I think that was the first time that happened to me...?" I was unsure, remembering that vision of waking up to a frantic Thirteenth Doctor but that time...it didn't feel like splintering. It almost feel unreal so I didn't mention it or even write it in my notebook.

  "Were you in pain?" Rose asked in concern. "You look like you did."

  "I'm fine...I think?"

  "You don't sound sure..." The Metacrisis pointed. 

  I didn't speak for a few seconds. "I think the Doctor...I think she just tried to drown me?"

  "What?" The Metacrisis yelled loudly making me wince.

  "Wait, what? She?!" Rose also exclaimed loudly.

  The Metacrisis got distracted by Rose as he sheepishly told her about the future of the Doctor being a Time Lady.

  Despite knowing about regeneration, Rose look pretty astonished by the revelation.

  The Metacrisis turned his attention back at me and demanded I tell him every detail of my encounter with the alternate Thirteenth Doctor. 

  But is she really an alternate version? She seemed to know me. I know there are alternate version of me who is also travelling with the Doctor. I met one before. Could that version of the Doctor mistaken me with her version of myself?

  I sighed again. That doesn't make sense either. Why would she tried to drown any version of me? 

  The Metacrisis snapped his fingers to get my attention as he urgently asked me for the detail of my experience earlier. "Focus!"

  So I told him about waking up in some deep glass tube, of seeing the Thirteenth Doctor and of her trying to drown me and inject me with something.

  The Metacrisis frowned as he asked more detail on the glass tube I was in. Sadly, I didn't pay much attention to the glass tube so there is not much detail I can tell him

  He thought that the Doctor I met is probably experimenting on me for some reason, presumably to save my life. He was a bit disappointed that I can't give more information.

  I decided not to contradict him with the fact that I once met a somewhat insane Thirteenth Doctor. But that version wanted to keep me for herself while the version earlier...

  You know what? I need to give her benefit of the doubt and just consider that what Metacrisis said might be true. Maybe she is just trying to save me? I sighed. Here I am in denial.

  "Next time, doc, keep in mind to tell someone when you are trying to save them by drowning, say, to save misunderstanding." I said in annoyance.

  He grinned sheepishly. "Noted." His cheerful demeanor vanished as he told me to write down everything that happened to me in my notebook.

  I nodded obediently. 

  I noticed Rose is still staring at the Metacrisis. I think she can't get over the fact that one day the Doctor will switch gender. I understood the feeling but I have accepted it somewhat. 

  They gave me some food and a set of new clothes. I drank my medicine and get a rest some more. They gave me some privacy.

  My mind keep replaying being under water with the Doctor hovering over me as she pushes me under. I closed my eyes, wishing for that memory to leave me alone.

  I stared at my notebook that I just finished writing in with a sigh. I put the notebook on my bag. I could feel the sign that I was about to be pulled away again.

  The Metacrisis and Rose are nowhere to be seen so I couldn't say goodbye to them.

  7777

  I blinked as I found myself in an unfamiliar room but I know I am inside the Tardis. I turned around and yelped when I saw two bodies embracing each other on the bed.

  "Oh my God!! Cover everything!!" I yelled as I covered my eyes with my hand. I turned my back from the surprised and frantic couple.

  It was definitely Eleventh Doctor and River Song...in bed, having sex. I wish I could bleach my mind.

  The Doctor grabbed a pillow to cover his junk while River remained chill despite the unwanted interuption. They both redressed themselves.

  "(name), have you ever heard of knocking?" The Doctor glared at me.

  I glared back at him. "Like I have any control which place I ended up to!!"

  River perked up. "(name)? Your alternate future companion? The one who is crossing all over your timeline in every alternate universe? That (name)?" 

  Wow, River's description of me making what happened to me sounded awesome. I mean I supposed it is exciting if not for the fact that I'm dying. 

  The Doctor nodded at his wife as River immediately grinned at me, offering a handshake.

  "How exciting... Nice to meet you. I'm River but I reckon you know that, don't you?" She said with a friendly smile. "I've been wanting to meet you for a while now."

  I felt awkward under her attention as I forced a polite smile. I turned to the Doctor and asked about the last time he saw me.

  "It was at the crucible. Remember? Tardis got taken by the Daleks?" The Doctor reminded me.

  I nodded. "Yeah, I was actually just at Bad Wolf Bay with your Metacrisis and Rose."

  The Doctor look surprised and turned solemn at the mention of those two. "How are they? Do they seem...happy?"

  "I think so...?" I trailed in confusion.

  He beamed a little. "That's good."

  River put a hand on his shoulder in comforting gesture.

  They took me out of their bedroom and back into console room as I told them about what happened to me earlier. About Thirteenth Doctor tried to drown me and how the Metacrisis disagreed.

  I took my medicine as they asked me to tell them everything that happened to me. They wanted to take some of my blood to conduct their own test. I gave them what they wanted.

  Afterward they gave me a room for me to get some rest.

  River came to have a chat. It was awkward at first but soon we started talking animatedly about the Doctor. She also asked to read my notebook. I was hesitant at first but...she is the Doctor's wife so...essentially I can trust her, can't I? So I let her read some pages. 

  She told me she kept a diary too detailing her encounters with the Doctor. She has a wistful smile as she got to the page with the gallifreyian writings. She can read it but she won't translate it for me.

  "Don't worry. They all spoke fondly of you." River said, fingers tracing on the gallifreyian writings.

  I sighed at that.

  "I must admit I am curious about the female version of the Doctor." River said. " Did she ever mention me?"

  I shook my head slowly. I felt bad for River because she looked sad at my answer.

  "Honestly, she was very secretive about her past. The fam and I, we didn't know much about her. I only know some stuff about her because of the splintering." I said.

  When she noticed my stun gun, River decided to teach me how to use a gun. She started simple with a small gun. 

  That's how the Doctor found us in a room for target shooting, apparently a room that the Tardis created just because River asked the ship out loud. 

  The Doctor look absolutely disappointed at us and our gun. He pouted much like a child under River's teasing.

  I observed them with a fond smile. The smile slide off my face as I felt it was time to go. I voiced my gratitude for their company.

  They turned to me with unreadable expression before smiling encouragingly at me.

  "Next time you come here, I promise I will get you a simple weapon for your protection." River sweetly said despite her husband's protest.

  I laughed at them as I slowly faded away right before their eyes.

   7777

  I blinked in confusion as I found myself in some random wood. I walked around, hoping to find the Doctor soon. Wonder who will I get this time?

  I didn't watch where I was walking and I ended up triggering some trap.

  I screamed as I found myself hanging upside down by feet.

  Someone must have heard my scream as I could hear many someones coming my way. I could only pray they are friendly, not the kind who want to eat me. Oh gosh, please don't let me meet a cannibal.

  I got a headache already thanks to the unwanted position I am in. Thankfully, the universe is kind to me today as a bunch of people came toward me. I recognized Twelfth Doctor and Clara. Clara's red period dress caught my eyes immediately. 

  I blinked at them.

  "Oh, it's you." The Doctor said flatly.

  I would feel insulted by his tone if not for the fact I am hanging upside down. I pitifully pleaded, "Help me get down please..."

  One of the men, his name is Robin Hood, Clara supplied, thankfully catches me after he ordered his merry men to free me.

  I was too busy trying to balance myself again to appreciate the fact I'm actually meeting a Robin Hood. 

  I sat on a fallen branch as the Doctor stared me down. Clara sat beside me and engaged me with friendly conversation. But I was a bit dizzy to keep up. Thanks to her being chatty, I found out that this version of Doctor and Clara are the one I met when they were imprisoned alongside the Doctor's other past faces and companion.

  I finally looked up toward the Doctor. He was staring at me in calculation. I sighed. "Don't worry, I won't demand a cure from you. Judging from how you look at me, you didn't expect me to come back again, did you?"

  The Doctor look almost ashamed but didn't say anything.

  Clara watched over the both of us in curiosity.

  "Honestly, I'm beginning to think a cure for my current state is impossible." I said softly.

  "Don't be absurd. I just haven't figure it out yet. It does not meant I give up or that there is no cure." The Doctor said. "Do you still have your medicine?"

  I pulled out my pill bottles. There are only a few pill left. 

  "Thought so. I have a backup for you somewhere back in the Tardis." He said.

  "You actually make the medicine for me just in case?" I asked, feeling a bit surprised. He sounded like he was annoyed when he first saw me.

  "I did promise you a cure, didn't I? Though I have to disappoint you as the cure is just a temporary measure." He said.

  I smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you, Doctor."

  We are interrupted by Robin and his men, something about an archery tournament launched by Sheriff of Nottingham.

  I noticed Clara is flirting with Robin with ease while the Doctor is grumpy and overall rude toward Robin. 

  Clara and I exchanged amused glance as we both watched the Doctor challenge Robin with archery, trying to one up one another. They are definitely trying to impress Clara, I think.

  Everyone cheered every-time those two releases their arrows.

  Predictably thing turned into trouble when we found out the soldiers employed by the evil sheriff are robots.

  I exhaled loudly in annoyance as I ended up in a dark prison with Doctor, Clara and Robin. The Doctor really is a magnet for trouble, isn't he?

  Clara and I exchanged annoyed look as the Doctor and Robin won't stop yapping at each other.

  Eventually Clara was taken away as they thought she is our leader after she lost her patience and snapped at both Doctor and Robin. I am impressed with her. 

  Though I felt kinda insulted that they only take Clara. Was it because I don't look like a noble lady like her? But then again I'm not the sort who take charge. I wouldn't know what to do if I am in her position.

  I was shook out from my musing when the Doctor and Robin yelled loudly again at each other. It was amusing at first but this gets really annoying fast. For once I wish to splinter as soon as possible just so I could get away from their stupidly grating voices.

  I glared at them but they don't notice me. I sighed as I stared at the cuff around my wrists. I hope I won't end up splintering taking the cuff with me. That would be awkward.

  After a few minutes of them yelling and mocking each other, I yelled at them to calm the fuck down.

  I glared at the Doctor. "Stop being jealous of him and start using that brilliant mind of yours to get us out of this mess." I said.

  The Doctor glared back at me with a scoff. "Jealous? Of him? Hah!"

  Robin, in turn, scoffed at the Doctor, exchanging annoying 'hah!' at each other repeatedly.

  I rolled my eyes. I felt a headache already. I glanced at my bag. When I was taken, they took a look inside but deemed it worthless and tossed it on the ground nearby. I really hope the Doctor stopped being childish already and work on our freedom. It would really be troubling if I splinter without my notebook and medicine. Also I wonder if Clara will be okay.

  I watched in annoyance as the Doctor and Robin acted stupidly which ended up with the key to our freedom far from our reach. I groaned. This is going to take a while.

  Eventually they did finally able to release themselves and worked to release me. Unfortunately, they still can't get along even for one common goal, rescuing Clara.

  I picked up my bag as I held back from rolling my eyes as those two started to bicker, practically ignoring me. It was at that moment that I felt the tingling.

  I hitched a breath and turned toward the Doctor. But he was too busy yelling at Robin to notice. When he did finally noticed, I was already fading away. Last thing I heard is Robin demanding what is happening to me.

  7777

  I felt dizzy as I arrived on...wherever I am this time. I found myself standing in some sort of a deserted land? But I didn't see anyone. I took a walk tentatively. Then I saw figures coming my way. I squinted my eyes to see and my eyes widened when I saw the Doctor and Ryan. There is an old man with them.

  The Doctor and Ryan called my name in disbelief and confusion. They recognized me. I wondered if I am home but knowing my luck, that probably not the case. But they recognized me so I have to assume they were the set that I met much earlier, an universe where I never travelled with them. I sighed at that. It is such a sore subject for me. I can't imagine not knowing the Doctor and the fam.

  The Doctor scanned me with her sonic screwdriver and once she is done, she smiled. "It's good to see you again, (name). Wish it is on a better situation."

  I smiled at her and Ryan. I have to swallow my bitterness upon confirming they are not my original friends. "What is going on?"

  The Doctor glanced at me sadly. "Cybermen."

  The smile slide off my face immediately. "The lone cyberman?"

  "Now, it is an army." Ryan replied.

  "Where are Yaz and Graham?" I asked in worry.

  "We got separated from them." Ryan said.

  I turned toward the Doctor who remained silent. We exchanged a look. I was reminded the last time I saw her, how I warned her about a version of herself who went insane after losing her companion.

  "I won't let that happen." The Doctor suddenly said.

  I prayed that she can keep her promise. They might not be my original set but they are still a version of the same sort of people that I care about. I don't think I could deal if I saw one of them die here right before my eyes. Last time was hard enough, watching a version of the Doctor died with me being completely helpless, to the point I lost my marble. 

  I swallowed down a fearful sob as I took a very deep breathe to calm myself. A part of me wanted to stay and help but another part of me just wanted to fade away from here. I am such a coward.

  The Doctor fussing about some communication equipment nearby when suddenly a static noise and we heard Yaz's voice.

  Ryan and I quickly come closer to the Doctor so we could better hear what Yaz said until I realized she was saying goodbye. They were trapped in a cybermen spaceship with the army on the way of either killing or converting them. A flashback of the sweet Bill Pott turned into a cyberman flashed my mind.

  I observed the Doctor's face. She flinched at what Yaz said. The despair in her eyes as she realized she is helpless, unable to save Yaz and Graham. I feared that she would snap into that version of the dark doctor I saw before.

  I tried to focus on what Yaz is saying and froze when I heard her confess to the Doctor. Yaz is in love with the Doctor!! My mouth dropped open in shock. 

  In hindsight, I shouldn't be surprise at all. The Doctor is such a person, so wonderful, I don't know how to describe it. I never thought I like woman until I met her. But maybe it is because she is the Doctor that I fell for her. I wonder if I meet earlier incarnation of her instead of her, would I also end up catching feeling for them?  I admitted I kind of have soft spot for all the alternate previous incarnation of the Doctors I met so far.

  I watched the Doctor as she clutched the device close to her lips, hearing her muttering Yaz's name solemnly. The Doctor closed her eyes as if in pain. My heart goes for Yaz and the Doctor. Though now that I knew, I can't help but wonder if my Yaz also has feeling for the Doctor. She never said anything to me. I wonder if the Doctor...

  Gosh, noo! Oh, no! I hit myself on my head immediately, feeling stupid for having a love crisis when Yaz and Graham are in danger! Priority, Me, priority!! 

  I bit my lips hard as I focused on the Doctor.  I felt the tingling right at that moment. 

  No! I can't leave right now! I have to help them somehow anyhow or...I have to know what will happen next in order to prevent my original friends from suffering the same fate. I sounded so selfish I realized but what am I supposed to do?  I want to go home to them, to that version who know and love me as much as I love them.

  I didn't call out to the Doctor. I didn't want to ruin Yaz's possibly last moment with the Doctor. As I fade away, I can only pray that they will survive whatever ordeal coming their way. 

  7777

  I landed on my knees on the floor and I coughed up blood. I quickly popped up on my medicine, wiping the blood using some napkin I saw before taking a look at my surrounding. I was in a room, a bedroom and on the bed, the Tenth Doctor in pajamas sleeping. My mouth dropped open in confusion. I noticed he look pale. I stepped toward him when the door opened and Rose entered the room. Upon seeing me, she started yelling at me.

  "Who the hell are you? How did you get here?" Rose demanded. "Stay away from him!"

  Wow, she is so intense.

  An older woman entered the room bearing a fruit knife and upon seeing me, waved her knife threateningly at me after hearing Rose yelling at me. A young man also entered the room bearing a frying pan.

  What a welcome.

  I raised my hands up in placating gesture and then I blurted something stupid, "I come in peace!"

  Rose and the others stared at me stupidly before they started talking at the same time. I think the man accused me of being an alien.

  "Would you please be quiet so I can explain?" I finally snapped.

  They did.

  I figured I shouldn't say anything complicated so I told them I am from the future and a friend of the Doctor. I also said I knew Rose in the future, well, a version of her, but like I said, just keep it simple.

  Rose didn't believe me at first. She told me to move out of the room as not to bother the Doctor. She let it slip that the Doctor has just changed his face. 

  I braced myself as Rose then started to interrogate me about some stuff regarding the Doctor and the Tardis. I think I passed the quiz as she finally relents. 

  I thank my lucky star that she didn't press my knowledge of Rose herself. I only met her a few times and I didn't know much about her aside that she is a bad-ass with weapon and is in love with the Doctor. 

  Is it a common occurrence, I wonder, for the companion to catch feeling for the Doctor? Rose, River, Clara, Yaz and myself, so far that I observed. But obviously River is the one most special since the Doctor married her. From what I have seen of River, she is amazing woman. 

  Rose introduced me to Jackie, her mother and Mickey, her best friend.

  Both Jackie and Mickey tried to ask me about future events. It was then Rose suddenly noticed the Christmas tree in the room and asked her mother about it.

  I stared blankly at the tree when it started to whirl around mechanically. My mouth dropped open when the tree started flying toward us just as Rose screamed for everyone to run or take covers as the tree hurling sharp ornaments at us. Mickey grabbed my hand and pulled me along. 

  I can't believe a Christmas tree just attacked us. Seriously life with the Doctor in it is so weird but fascinating, never a dull moment.

  We ended up inside the room where the Doctor is sleeping. Trapped and helpless, I saw Rose climbed up the bed and whispered in the Doctor's ear. Suddenly the Doctor woke up and immediately use his sonic screwdriver toward the tree. He ran outside the room toward the balcony and the others followed.

  I saw creepy figures in Santa Claus clothing stared at us from below. I didn't hear what the Doctor said but I was worried when he suddenly grabbed his chest as if having a heart attack with Jackie hovering and asked him what he need, even going as listing everything she thought he might need much to my amusement.

  I accidentally laughed when the annoyed Doctor shouted at Jackie that he need her to shut up. Everyone stared at me much to my embarrassment. I muttered a small sorry at Jackie.

  "Who are you?" The Doctor asked. "you are new."

  Rose glared at me. "She said she is a friend of yours. Did you lie?"

  "Really?" The Doctor turned to look at me. "Are we?"

  "I did not lie. He just don't know me yet." I said.

  "A-ah." The Doctor suddenly nodded as if he understand. "Sometimes I did met someone in a wrong order. Hello, there, I'm the Doctor. Who might you be?"

  I shrugged. "I am called (name)."

  The Doctor grinned at me clutching my hand on his, shaking it rather hard. He released me with a groan as he clutched his chest again. When he exhaled, a sort of yellowish energy flew out of his mouth.

  "What is that?" I asked.

  "Don't worry about it. It is just some regeneration energy." He waved it off as if it is not a big deal.

  At the mention of regeneration, my eyes widened. I only get a glimpse of a regeneration energy once when a version of Tenth Doctor transferred the energy into his spare hand. I hope I would never saw it in my Doctor. My wish for her to remain as she is.

  "Aah, you woke me up too soon. I am not finished yet." He said, pale and sweaty and then he fainted.

  With the Doctor is out of commission, things went downhill pretty soon with a broadcast from an alien race that somehow able to control the mind half of the population into walking on the edge. Next thing I know, Rose and the rest of us suddenly met up with Harriet Jones to deal with the alien.

  Much to my horror, I realized I couldn't understand what the alien is speaking. Rose said the Tardis must have some malfunction of some sort or maybe the ship is connected to the Doctor. That never happened before with my Doctor and the fam. I dreaded meeting alien with language barrier, bound to cause misunderstanding. Although these alien race seemed wanting to invade the earth for some reason, I wonder if we could reason with them without the Doctor.

  Rose tried her best though much to my admiration, she took charge. I don't know what I would do if I'm in her position. I prayed the Doctor feel better soon so he can help us with this crisis. I grimaced, feeling useless and I have a few hours to kill before the next splinter. I hope I could be of help somehow.

  I accompanied Rose, Harriet and a bunch of her people to face the alien. Part of me thought everything will be alright because I met  a version of Rose far back in the future, which meant that Rose probably survived these event, which meant the Doctor definitely will come through for us. And I was right. The Doctor did come through, still in his pajamas, with a smug look on his face as he started talking fast at everyone.

  "I want to be ginger. I never get to be ginger." The Doctor complained.

  Next thing I know the Doctor challenged the alien leader into a duel. He even lost a hand. I gasped as I covered my mouth. The metacrisis! I chuckled as the puzzle started to fit. My mouth dropped open as I saw the Doctor grew another hand. I meant I know he will do that since the version of him that I met didn't walking around with one hand.

  "Like a worm..." I whispered to myself.

  Rose gaped as she stared at me and then she covered the giggle that burst out of her mouth. But soon she started laughing.

  I chuckled and soon followed laughing especially when the Doctor walked toward us, asking us what is so funny. We just kept laughing.

  As the Doctor give his oncoming storm warning at the alien, they retreated. He took us back with his Tardis. The Doctor is pissed at Harriet for obliterating the retreating alien but she stood tall, believing she did the right thing. The dark look that crossed the Doctor's feature made my heart clenched in fear. But this is the Doctor. He would not do anything to punish her, would he? All he did is whisper something to Harriet's assistant and then walked away, ignoring Harriet attempt to plead her case.

  I frowned as I watched Harriet and then the Doctor's retreating figure.

  "(name), come along." The Doctor called out. He turned to Rose to tell her to get inside her house and that he need to change his clothing. They shared a flirty smile at each other before parting. He turned toward me, looking way too serious which make me very, very nervous. He gestured for me to come on board his Tardis. He made me wait in the console room while he went to the wardrobe room to change.

  "What do you think?" The Doctor, now in a proper suit, asked me. He was grinning in almost flirty manner.

  "It's very you." I answered flatly, trying to cover my nervousness of being alone with him.

  "Ah, right, you are from the future, so you must have already seen me in this suit." He said as he put his hands on his pockets and walked toward me with a stern look. "Care to explain why you are here?"

  "You didn't trust me." I know I can't expect the Doctor, any alternate version of him, to immediately put their trust in me but damn, I hate having to try to convince the Doctor again and again. Luckily, so far, I haven't met a version of Doctor that outright reject or dismiss me.

  He shrugged. "I don't know you." He said.

  I sighed. I pulled my notebook from my bag. I haven't updated my record yet, I really should do that soon. I flipped some pages.

  The Doctor stared at my notebook curiously.

  I showed him a page written by a version of Tenth Doctor. "Here." I gave the notebook to him. "This should at least clarify." The Tenth Doctor that I met wrote in my notebook said it will help the other Doctor to help me.

  The Doctor read the writing on the page but he look confused. "What is this?"

  "It is your handwriting..." I said with a touch of 'duh' on my tone.

  The Doctor sheepishly scratched his head. "Yeaah," He drawled. "I haven't done any writing yet, brand new hands, you see..."

  I gaped at him. Suddenly I felt stupid, he is right after all. I pulled to the next page. "But I'm sure you recognize this language." I said to him.

  And he did. A sombre look passed his feature upon seeing the Gallifreyan writings on the page.

  "How did you get this?" He asked suddenly looking almost angry.

  His  harsh tone took me aback. I gulped. "You are the one who wrote that..." I said almost defensively. "Well, technically an alternate version of you."

  He glanced at the notebook and then at me and then back to the notebook. He flipped some pages. "Alternate universe? You?" He asked. He pulled his sonic screwdriver to scan me. While he is waiting for the result, he flipped on some pages again.

  I glared at him and the sonic. I grabbed the notebook from him, almost in petulant. "Some of that is private, okay?" I put the notebook back on my bag.

  He took a glance at his sonic and his mouth dropped open. "You are telling the truth..." He glanced at me with a look of pity. "...and you are dying..."

  I exhaled at that. "Thankfully I'm still alive and kicking thanks to medicine your alternate future self give me, but I'm about to run out. The last Doctor said he has the back up but we got into trouble and then I splintered before he could give me the back up medicine."

  "That does sound like me...getting into trouble..." He pondered thoughtfully and then grinned boyishly at me. "Oh, well, it is nice to meet you, (name)."

  I tried to smile but it is more like a grimace.

  "Now, about the medicine... I think I spot a page about the formula of some kind."

  "Ah yes, he does wrote it in my notebook." I said as I pulled back out my notebook, flipping on the page of the formula written by a version of Twelfth Doctor. I showed the page to him. He took the book from me and scanned it using the Tardis. "What are you doing?"

  He smirked at me. "Making you your backup medicine. The Tardis will help me find the key ingredient for the formula."

  I watched him moving in circle surrounding the console, pushing some button on it.

  "My alternate-self seemed to trust you so I don't see any reason not to help you." He said, without looking at me.

  "Gee, thanks." I said sarcastically.

  He grinned. "I assume you took one when you arrived in this universe?"

  I shrugged. "Kinda have to considering..."

  "considering...what?"

  "Well sometimes I cough up blood. He said, the Doctor I met before, he said to take one."

  The smile slide off his face as he is looking at me solemnly, pity in his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

  I shrugged. "It is fine. I'm getting used to it. So, the medicine, how long will it take to finish?"

  He glanced at me. "We could join Rose and her family for dinner. It should be finish afterward. Join us?"

  "I don't want to intrude."

  "Nonsense, come along, (name)." He said with a grin as he grabbed my hand and pulled me outside the Tardis.

  "Oi, hurry it up, will you two!" Rose called out.

  A bright, adoring smile crossed the Doctor's feature upon seeing Rose. "Coming..."

  I relented and joined the Doctor and Rose. Thankfully, Rose is friendly enough with me. But I kind of feeling like a third wheel around them...again.

  I smiled as I observed the Doctor, Rose and her family. They seemed to having much fun. After we finished dinner, we got out and saw it started snowing much to everyone excitement until the Doctor ruined it by saying it is a remnant of the exploding ship of the alien earlier.

  I glanced at the obvious couple as they stared and pointed at the night sky. That's when I felt the tingling. Realizing I was about to be taken away, I called out to him.

  "Doctor, thank you for having me. But it looked like I couldn't get the medicine again. Hold on it for me, will you? We might see each other again..." I said with almost a sad smile.

  The Doctor and Rose frowned at me in confusion. Their eyes widened as I slowly started to fade away.

   7777

  I landed somewhere and immediately feeling like the ground beneath me collapsed. I fell on my knees, clutching my head and groaning.  "Ooww..."

  "Are you alright?"

  I blinked and opened my eyes to see a red-haired little girl staring at me curiously. I took a glance at the surrounding, I was at the backyard in some random house. "Where is here?"

  "Leadworth." The little girl answered almost in annoyance directed at the said place.

  "Leadworth?" I repeated. Then I finally noticed the Tardis next to a shattered shed. "Doctor?" I called out. "Doctor!"

  "You know that weird man?" The little girl asked.

  "You saw the Doctor?" I asked as I turned to question the girl.

  Suddenly the Doctor come out from the house, calling out my name in excitement. "(name), you are here!"

  I blinked as I saw Eleventh Doctor in a messy, torn suit. "Doctor?" I pondered about which Eleventh Doctor is he when he went to hug me tight.

  "I'm so glad to see you again." He whispered at me.

  I hesitantly hugged him back. "Me too."

  He released me and he suddenly sniffed me. "You smell weird."

  "W-what?" I asked in horror and offended.

  He suddenly licked my cheek.

  "Eww." The girl and I exclaimed at the same time.

  "What the hell, Doctor? You can't just go around licking people!" I yelled, wiping my cheek with my clothes.

  "You smell...You smell like me...like a regeneration. Have you been with a version of me that has just regenerating?" He asked.

  My eyes widened at that. "Err, yeah, actually." I remembered the Tenth Doctor from before, with that weird yellow regeneration energy thing, it does get caught on my face. "You can smell that?" I asked. I glanced at him, really taking him in. "You...you also have just regenerated?"

  He smiled almost solemnly.

  "Doctor." I called out. "The last time we met is..."

  "Thank you for comforting me that time, (name)."

  My heart clenched in sorrow suddenly upon remembering that version of Tenth Doctor, the one so clouded with sorrow and burdened by the prophecy of his death. He finally regenerated into his eleventh self after all. I am sad that I won't see him ever again despite knowing they are still the same person in all the things that matter.

  "I am so glad that you survived. You make it sounded like you will not." I said softly.

  "Yeaah, sorry about that, mind is a bit messy last time."

  The little girl coughed up to catches our attention.

  The Doctor is beaming as he introduced me to the girl, Amelia Pond. I recognized the name and I stared at the little girl in wonder. 

  Amelia grabbed the Doctor's hand asking about some crack in the wall.

  We ended up in Amelia's room, observing the crack in the wall. A faint voice calling out a prisoner zero can be heard through the crack.

  The Doctor observed the crack carefully, sonicking it. At that moment, I felt the tingling again.

  "Doctor..." I called out. But he ignored me, staring at the opened crack and some eye thing that he said to be the warden of some alien prison.

  I turned to Amelia who is staring at me curiously. "Amy, I have to go. Stick with him, okay? He can fix the crack. Be safe."

  "Are you leaving?" Amelia asked looking almost disappointed.

  "I have no choice. But I'm sure we will see each other again." I said as I faded away.

  The Doctor turned to me at that exact moment. He looked like a kicked puppy upon seeing my fading self.

  I wanted to say something, anything but it was too late.

   tags: @thatsonezesty13

 A/N: And...I'm stuck. Sorry that it took so long to update. Hope this will still be a good read.

[vintagevalentinex]

Crunch

So I had the day off today and I had this Cas/Reader story floating around in my brain for a while and I finally figured out how to write it.  I hope it’s not bad. :/  It’s really hard to keep him in character.  Anyway, it’s super fluffy so I hope you like it!

@abaddonwithyall, @icecream-and-winchesters @bovaria

Title: Crunch Author: vintagevalentinexx Words: ~1800 Pairing: (Castiel x Reader) Warnings: Slight angst, but not really.  Super fluffy.  Maybe OOC Cas at the end (I’m sorry :/)

Your eyes were drooping with sleep as you paged through yet another thick tome of lore, hoping to find something, anything on The Darkness.  The boys had left you behind at the Bunker with a recuperating Cas, concerned that the angel wouldn’t be able to take care of himself.  You let out a heavy sigh, slamming the dusty book shut, deciding to make sure that Cas hasn’t broken anything.  Walking down the hallway you can hear him talking to someone, presumably Sam or Dean.  You could faintly hear something along the lines of, “What is a Netflix?”  A smile ghosted on your lips as you gently knocked on the door, soon being greeted by the blue eyed angel.

“Hello, (Y/N).” “Hey Cas, what are you up to?” You could hear yelling in the background on his phone, probably Dean, “Ask her….!” Your brows furrowed in confusion as your gaze made its way back to meet blue eyes.  Cas was fidgeting as he looked at you, seeming as though he was conflicted with what the voice on the phone wanted him to say.  He took a deep (though unneeded) breath and looked at you.  “Dean tells me that it is customary to ask you if you would like to ‘Netflix and Chill,’ but I am still a little uncertain as to what a Netflix is and why you would want to be cold at the same time…” Heat rose to your cheeks immediately as Cas continued to ramble on, mostly to himself.  You screamed loud enough so Dean could hear you on the other end of the line “You are such a shit, Winchester!” You could hear raucous laughter through the phone as you stormed away, knowing your face was bright red as you went back into the library to continue research.  You hid your face in another large book as you heard Cas come into the room. “I….Sam told me what ‘Netflix and Chill’ means and I apologize.  I, in no way was attempting to engage in sexual relations with you, (Y/N).” You peeked out of the book, “It’s…it’s okay, Cas.  I know how Dean is.” You chewed on your lip, surprisingly a little disappointed by his comment.  You had liked Cas from the moment you met him.  He was beautiful; that was the only word you could think of when your eyes first gazed upon him.  It wasn’t just his vessel.  While his vessel was equally attractive, it was something else, something deeper that you could not see, but you could feel it.  He was light, hope, and beauty, yet he was a fierce warrior, a soldier of God who had on several occasions laid his own life on the line for the good of all people.  He took your breath away, and yet you knew that the idea of being with him was something that could never happen.  He was an angel, a being that had no need of your human emotions, and probably didn’t need to understand them.  You wondered if he even had the capacity to know how to love another being in that way. You found yourself blushing again, Cas tilting his head and squinting ever so slightly as he looked at you, as if trying to figure you out.  You smiled nervously, running a hand through your hair.  “It’s no big deal, really.  I promise.”

This seemed to appease him as he smiled at you, picking up the laptop from the table you were sitting at to help with research.

A Few Weeks Later You smiled to yourself as you finished making a nice pasta dinner for the boys, wiping your hands on your apron as you fixed up some plates, bringing them into the library for the boys to eat while they did research.  You greeted the boys and Cas cheerfully as you entered the room, placing the food down on the table on top of the books, getting ‘bitch face’ from both Sam and Dean as Cas curiously looked on. “Both of you need to eat!  You’ve been sitting here for hours and the only thing you’ve consumed is whiskey!” Dan smirked at you, “Ever hear of a liquid lunch, (Y/N)?” You rolled your eyes, turning your gaze to Cas.  “I would have made something for you as well, Cas, but I know you don’t like to eat.” He nodded, smiling sheepishly at you, “Yes, all I can taste are molecules.  It is very unpleasant.” You stifled a giggle as you stared amusedly at him, nodding curtly as you made your way back into the kitchen, stopping at the doorway before you left the room.  “You two better finish that pasta before I come back into this room, or I’m going to force feed the both of you.” As you walk back to the kitchen you hear muffled voices, some laughter, and a sigh of frustration.  You shrug your shoulders as you get to work at cleaning the kitchen up, trying to memorize the small smile Cas gave you in the library. I need to stop staring at him like that.  It’s like he can feel me looking at him.  Should I tell him?  Maybe then once he shoots me down I can move on with my life.  Am I ready for that kind of hurt?  Damn it, (Y/N) you are a hunter!  You knew that attachments were never in the cards for you.  He’s awkward enough without you telling him how you feel; you don’t need to make things worse for you, or for the boys. You didn’t realize you were holding onto a plate tightly as you finally broke out of your daydreaming.  Sighing, you placed the last plate into the cabinet, pulling the apron off of you.  You made your way back into the library, stopping in the hallway before the door as you overheard the following conversation: “…but what should I do?  I have read it is customary to give gifts as a token of affection…” “That is true, but if she’s special you’re going to want to make sure that she knows it.” “Yeah, Cassie-boy, you can’t just beat around the bush with things like this.” “I do not understand, Dean.  Why would I cause physical harm to shrubbery to show her that I like her?” You tried to stifle a giggle at Cas’s reply, knowing that both of the boys were groaning at his naivety.  You wondered who he was talking about and at that realization it felt like you were being stabbed in the heart.  She must be something truly special, whoever she is. You made it obvious you were coming into the room so not as to give away your accidental snooping, grabbing a book as you sat down next to Sam.  You could feel three pairs of eyes staring at you as you slowly look up from the text. “…Yes?” Dean smirked at you, “Seems ol’ Cas here has a bit of a crush on a lady, and well…you’re basically a lady—“

“Gee thanks, Dean.  Your compliments always fluster me so.” “Yeah, yeah, whatever.  Anyway, so he needs to know how he should let this lady know.” You pursed your lips.  So now I have to help him woo someone who isn’t me.  Great.  This is definitely making my life so much easier. “Well…” you started.  “Most women enjoy flowers.  They are usually a really sweet gesture and—“ Cas poofed out before you could even finish your sentence.  You shrugged your shoulders as you continued to read.

The Next Day You nudged the heavy Bunker door open with your foot, groceries burdening your arms as you made your way down the steps.  Sam and Dean had left that morning for a quick salt and burn, and you had decided that the kitchen needed to be replenished.  Cas was nowhere to be found after he poofed out of the Bunker yesterday.  After you quickly put the items away, you couldn’t wait to get to your room and catch up on some trashy TV show you started the other day.  As your hand found its way to your doorknob, you felt a dull buzzing sensation emanating from deeply within you.  It felt warm, and almost comforting.  You shrugged it off as you turned the handle, pushing the door open.  You dropped your phone and the snacks you brought in complete shock at the state of your room.

Flowers.  There were flowers everywhere.  All shapes and sizes.  Wildflowers, roses, daisies, sunflowers, carnations, lilies, orchids, violets, and so many more.  There were even flowers you had never seen before.  What the hell?  Thinking about what you said to Cas yesterday, you felt your cheeks heating up as you made your way further into your room.  You sat on your bed, looking around at your room, completely lost for words. “I couldn’t find a flower that could completely capture your beauty so I just decided to get all of them…” You looked up and saw a nervous looking Cas, holding a single pink peony in his hand, twirling the stem around between his fingers.  “I…Cas…I don’t know what to say…” “Sometimes, when you think passionately enough, I can hear your thoughts, (Y/N).  They don’t come in overly loud.  They are more like whispers, like the wind humming to me…” “I’m so sorry, Cas.  I should have never thought that way about you; I’m just being silly…” “And when I listen to these whispers, it makes me happy.  It makes me happy to think of you smiling while you are cooking dinner.  I have found that I relish in your laughter when Sam or Dean tells a funny joke.  I do not completely understand these feelings, but I know that when I am near you I feel less broken.  I feel healed.”   Your breath hitches in your throat as he speaks, your mouth too dry to say anything as he continues. “I can feel the warmth of your soul, (Y/N).  It just feels so right.  I have seen and felt many souls in the millennia of my existence, and yours…yours is truly the most beautiful.” You were nearly shaking with feeling as Cas spoke to you.  Your eyes watered up as he spoke, completely overtaken with emotion.  You stood up, willing your body to walk to him, your feet felt heavy as you slowly made your way closer.  You took his large hand into your smaller one, bringing it up, placing it to your heart. “It is only beautiful because I know you, Castiel.” He smiled widely, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he brought his other hand up, placing the peony behind your ear as he drew you in close, pressing you to his chest as he bent down, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead.   “I suppose this means that I have a crunch on you, (Y/N).” “It’s actually called a crush, Cas.” “Why would I want to crush you, (Y/N)?” “Nevermind.  I have a crunch on you too.”

[patricia-von-arundel]

If anyone wants it, AO3 link for the story I put up last night. I’ve also gone through and edited out (I hope) all of those blasted typos. I shouldn’t type up stories in the middle of the night. 

But okay! I promised to do better about responding to comments. So let’s go:

snoffles

said: Oh man, yes! Good stuff. I think the style works very well - really keeps it brisk and engrossing. I tore through this thing. I’m on the fence about the age issue - at first, I was thinking I’d prefer if you kept it set when they’re younger so it matches up with when Edelgard was experimented on. Then that final scene happened and…yeah. Whatever you decide, I’m good with it. I just want more! Thanks for this and all your other beautiful writing. :)

Thank you! I’m still debating on the age thing, too. I realized I needed to avoid the influence of those back in Enbarr/TWSITD after the experimentation, but wasn’t sure what to do with her. What I think I’ll do for now is leave it as-is, and potentially, as the plot develops, see if I can go back and rework the beginning... somehow. I do need her and Byleth to get their butts to Garreg Mach. I’m really glad the final scene worked, because I was super excited to write it! Thank you for reading!

insectoid5 reblogged this from patricia-von-arundel and added:

This is excellent, Em!! I think you managed to write Edelgard in this way quite well. 😁Oh, El, you and your aim...

I will get snark in about El’s aim however I can. Every time. 

ishtar0110 said: Holy moly!!! YESSS!!!!! 💜🧡💖💞💓🧡💜

I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thank you! :D

lysissisyl said: So, I think Edelgard is perfectly recognizable here. It’s just not the exact same Edelgard we all know, because she can’t be. She shouldn’t be, because her life wasn’t the same. The Edelgard at the end of CF and the Edelgard at the end of SS are very different people for very obvious reasons. Here it’s the same and I’m an even more critical moment of her life. This Edelgard got a chance to heal when her wounds were still fresh. That really reminds me of Marvel’s “what ifs”!!! As for Edelgard’s darkness surfacing at times, I think it is perfectly understandable here, even for someone who doesn’t know her well. She has been saved, she has known love, but sometimes the horror just comes back and she can’t help it. It’s a possible way to handle trauma while still healing, and not an uncommon one. I’m still a bit shaken, so I hope my words make sense somehow. I think this already tells you you made a very good job. 😅 Still, you asked for some feedback, so here it is. I tried to keep it brief, but I miserably failed. My sincere apologies.

lysissisyl said: And she still has a hard time dealing with her own feelings. She can’t name what she’s starting to feel for Byleth and she calls it envy, probably because it’s less scary. All this just to answer to your doubts and say that she IS recognizable and she IS in character. I’m not even starting on anything else XD Sorry again This Edelgard is still able to hope, she hopes for her father to saver her, even just for a moment. She sees someone who is not an Agarthan and can still trust them. This is something the Edelgard we know has lost. At the same time, she doesn’t want Byleth to hold her down, she can stay still despite the pain when Jeralt cleans her wounds. She doesn’t scream. This is so Edelgard.

Good! Excellent! Thank you! That’s exactly what I was most worried about - missing the mark on El’s characterization. She’s so internally focused... and so reluctant to speak up about her own goals/struggles. Going forward, I’m hoping that problem will solve itself, but I’m glad she wasn’t completely OOC here. Balancing trauma with living daily life in a believable way is tough at the best of times. Especially with a character like El who is never going to lash out or allow herself to express her own pain and fear and anger. She isn’t going to be like Dimitri, who through his behavior can be read quite readily. El is a mask, Flame Emperor or not. 

The part where her wounds were cleaned - yeah. That one I hoped would give that impression. This is Edelgard. She will not scream. She’s so dang-blasted stubborn she will not scream. There’s a piece of the same Edelgard we see at the start of the game. 

This is wonderful feedback, and I appreciate it very much! Long responses are the very best, I promise. (And I hope I got your responses in the correct order. Tumblr is Tumblr.) 

kalinary said: Woot, didn’t have time to read this last night when I was half dead but was definetly looking forward to reading it today which I did :). Hmmmm so now feedback and constructive feedback. The kind I’m worst at :P. All in all I think the story was great, excited to read more of it. See where the story ends up going and the characters growth and changes. I wonder who the third house leader is. Could be Hubert would think he would also recognize El. Hubert raises an interesting question though. How does he change without El returning and how does he react to her miraculous return. Then you have the other characters reactions as well. Does El keep her identity a secret? With her changed hair and depending on timing would there be many who would recognize her? Does she accept her identity at garreg Mach at the start?  Or do the others end up oblivious and she gets to approach and get to know them simply as El and not the emperor for once. Many questions and I very much look forward to hearing the answers but I think I’ll end my mini rant here for now

I’m terrible at constructive feedback, too. It’s hard. I envy those who can do it well. 

As for the third house leader... bad news. I said next chapter? It’s, uh... actually going to be the one after. You’re getting more mysteries in the next chapter. We’ll definitely be seeing Hubert, though, in some capacity. Could be a house leader. Could be in another role. We shall see, we shall see... but he’ll definitely show up. 

As for El’s identity, I guess that’s not a huge spoiler to say that yes, she will be keeping her identity a secret (at least at the start). But of course, secrets like that are never kept for long, especially in a school. Where is there more gossip than in a school? And, of course, Rhea’s around, and Rhea isn’t fond of those who keep secrets from her... and Edelgard isn’t too fond of Rhea. (There’s some stuff with those two I cannot wait to write. Things go very differently than in 3H, though. Very, very differently.) 

Let’s put it this way: including Byleth and Jeralt, there will be five people initially who know El’s identity. And they’re probably pretty easy to guess. 

Appreciate the feedback!

Did I get everyone? If I didn’t, poke me, and my apologies. I know I missed some tag responses - if any of them need to be addressed, again, gimme a poke. 

Oh, and the story has a title now! A World on Its Side, derived from the song “Ring Them Bells” (Bob Dylan). Full lyrics beneath the cut:

Ring them bells, ye heathen From the city that dreams Ring them bells from the sanctuaries ’Cross the valleys and streams For they’re deep and they’re wide And the world’s on its side And time is running backwards And so is the bride Ring them bells St. Peter Where the four winds blow Ring them bells with an iron hand So the people will know Oh it’s rush hour now On the wheel and the plow And the sun is going down Upon the sacred cow Ring them bells Sweet Martha For the poor man’s son Ring them bells so the world will know That God is one Oh the shepherd is asleep Where the willows weep And the mountains are filled With lost sheep Ring them bells for the blind and the deaf Ring them bells for all of us who are left Ring them bells for the chosen few Who will judge the many when the game is through Ring them bells, for the time that flies For the child that cries When innocence dies Ring them bells St. Catherine From the top of the room Ring them from the fortress For the lilies that bloom Oh the lines are long And the fighting is strong And they’re breaking down the distance Between right and wrong

[koganphrancis]

Camless Episode 5

All The Writers Of This Show Are Shit

We had us a brand new writer this week and all we got was the same old same old: OOC, Retconing, and Repeats of Old Story Beats.

I’ll attempt a recap, but this episode really sucked the will out of me.

(gif credit: gallavichlovies)

I’m not going to do my usual character by character recap because frankly some really awful shit went down this week that I’m just going to refer to and not go into in depth.  Plus, so much of the episode was tedious repeats of shit the writer had JUST TRIED to say.  

We had both Debbie and Ian go knocking on the wrong doors for advice. We had two endless Lip scenes where all that was happening was he was running and riding a motorcycle.  Maybe next week he can paint a fence and we can all watch as the paint dries. Liam is sexually molested (off screen, but still) by another child who had been sexually molested. Carl and Frank both get slapped around in sexually-adjacent situations just as the show is once again trying to drive home what’s unacceptable for men to do to women-hey, Shameless, that goes for what’s unacceptable for women to do to men, women to do to other women, and men to do to other men as well.  They tried to make “going Fiona” a thing-twice.   There were at least four scenes where Frank tried to get an erection. There were endless retcons (more on those to come).  

My notes are all over the place and the show’s such a shit pile I can’t even begin to make a smooth narrative out of them, so here’s a list of my observations, saving the Ian shit for last.

Debbie had a running thread through a big part of the episode where she’s literally bored to the point of falling asleep listening to Alex-that is exactly how I feel about their relationship/the Debbie thinks she might be gay storyline.  Also, if anyone cares, Debs has completely dropped her equal rights/equal pay fight.  She doesn’t even seem to go to work anymore. Later, Debbie goes to visit the lesbians in Fiona’s building (rather than, I don’t know, talking to Vee about her experiences with Svetlana, since that seems maybe more in line with feelings Debbie is experiencing?) and the scene was clearly written in lieu of Shameless ever showing sex scenes anymore.  

The blond lesbian, Mel, exposes herself to Debbie in the doorway of her apartment (but sadly for the Netflix fans, her back is to the camera), without establishing if Debbie is not a minor, and then she kisses her in a sloppy slo-mo saliva string sharing close up.  Debbie is supposedly stunned stupid by this, but the whole “you like what you like and you don’t have to justify your sexual orientation to anyone” message falls flat.  Debbie has ALWAYS been starved for attention, and she misreads any attention she gets from anyone of any sex.  Since Matty she’s always equated someone trying to be interested in her as being interested in her sexually.  And that kiss wasn’t sexual at all-it too was a form of molestation-it wasn’t asked for or consented to.  This show is shit.  

Carl meets a young woman at a West Point mixer, the daughter of the scary military officer who is throwing the party.  Hello, we’ve done this already with Dom and her scary cop dad.  Yawn.  Carl films them not having sex after she passes out drunk so he can prove he didn’t molest/rape her, should it ever come in question.  At first the young woman is mad (and jumps on him and starts slapping him around, just like Katey Sagal will do in a scene with Frank), but then later she returns Carl’s phone and says she saw he didn’t film them having sex, but there is a recording on there of him having sex with someone else.  He says that’s Kassidi, his ex, but fails to let Kelly (the new chick) know she’s dead and he’s an accessory to her murder.  And how fucking creepy is it that Carl’s kept sex with his dead ex on his phone?  Is that something he’s still watching?  Does he get off to it?  This show is shit.

Kev and Vee get stuck with Frank in a few scenes, foreshadowing the boring seasons to come, should the show get renewed (why are they still sitting on announcing that, btw?).  There’s a subplot for Kev where he’s going to speak at a women’s rally in his new-found position of Vagina Safe consultant, but he wisely bows out when he hears the real hell women face on a regular basis.  Why this show is trying to be socially conscious this late in the game I’ll never know.  Especially since they’ll keep pulling their bullshit and defend it with “it’s Shameless!” like they’ve always done in the past.  This show is shit.

There’s the weekly Fiona/Bored disagreements-this time they’re about little things like music preferences and whether or not Fiona should care about her brother going to prison for up to two decades.  Bored winds up singing along to a song to Fiona at the end-it should’ve been Gus Pfender’s Fuck You, Fiona and they could’ve had a cute discussion about Gus being Fi’s ex-husband.  This show is shit.

Now Ian.  Sigh.  Nothing makes sense.  Everything’s either a lie or a retcon and we the audience still don’t know which.  At breakfast he’s telling the family his plea options, and when Liam questions temporary insanity, Ian rattles off, “Bipolar, off my meds.”  So is Ian saying that’s just the definition of the defense he could use, or is he saying “I was off my meds”????  WHY won’t the show give us any answers?  There were two significant scenes in Season 8 where he staunchly said he was taking his meds and that he (rightly) was entitled to feel emotions and be angry at times.  Are we supposed to think that right about then is when he stopped taking them and then Gay Jesus happened?  But if that was the case, why did he stop taking his meds, and now how long has he been off them-or did he start taking them again and now they’re working after being off them for all the GJ stuff PLUS when he was in jail for 9 months?  IF he was off his meds for any amount of time but especially a long amount of time (pretty sure an argument could be made he’d been off them since leaving Mickey/Monica dying/stalking boring Terror, blowing that old couple for money), why did his manic phase seem so different than when he was back from the army?  Can the show try to explain anything?  

Ian and Fiona and Geneva all go to the lawyer’s office-why?  There IS such a thing as client-attorney privilege and the lawyer, at least, would ask them to wait outside once the screaming began if not sooner.  But oh well.  Ian finally says, “Does anyone want to hear what my lawyer has to say?”  Me at home: YES!!!  Lawyer starts to talk, “I know this judge-he’s under...” Geneva starts yelling again and what gets lost in her bullshit is that later on, the judge is not a he?  

Outside Fi asks Ian, “Are all lesbians that dramatic?”  I asked last week, I’m asking again: Is Geneva a lesbian?  Is this just another retcon?  Her initial interactions with Ian seemed like she was crushing on him, that she wanted him, and there’s been nothing about her being a lesbian in canon.  I know it’s not important, but the lack of attention to detail on this show contributes mightily to its shittiness.

Suddenly Ian has a question, and he can think of only one place to get an answer (even though Liam was able to Google “what is cocktail attire?” and get an answer in seconds.  Ian should’ve asked him to look up his question as well).  

Ian goes to the Milkovich house and it’s so fucking OOC I don’t even want to think about it.  For whatever reason, Ian politely says, “Hi, Mr. Milkovich,” when Terry answers the door-why would he even bother?  Terry’s not big on manners, for one thing, and for another, the last time Ian saw Terry he was flipping him off as he was being carted back to prison.  Don’t think Terry’s going to be warmed over by a polite greeting.  Anyway, Ian asks him about being in the pen, and Terry says there’s ass and mouth rapings that Ian would probably enjoy, shitty food, and beat downs from the guards.  Ian asks if Terry was mouth raped (I think he specified that, I didn’t put it in my notes) and Terry indignantly says that Milkoviches don’t “bottom”.  Ian says, “Was Mickey adopted?” and I can’t tell if he was trying to piss Terry off or if he was genuinely curious, but as a joke it didn’t work-Ian knows (or the old Ian did, anyway) better than anyone that Mickey was absolutely nothing like Terry, in any way, not just in sexual preferences.  Another OOC comment to just make the viewer weep thinking about the old days.  Also, having Terry know, let alone USE, the term bottom was also OOC in the extreme.  He might as well have said, “All Milkoviches are cishet.”  It would’ve been just as believable.  

But back to the scene.  Ian says, “Rapings, food, guards-I can handle that shit.  I just need to know...” Terry interrupts him.  “Anyone can handle that shit.  (Again, me at home: Really?)  It’s the boredom that’ll kill ya...Start reading books, lifting weights...”  (Mickey already told him that about juvie AND prison-how dense is Ian that he never got it?)  “But you’re in the same place, with the same assholes, doing the same shit, every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every god damn year.  If I was you I’d pack my shit and run.”  

Ian’s face while he’s running down all the segments of time seems to look like Terry’s getting through to him.  And Terry telling him to take off is actually the best advice Ian winds up getting-in the long run Terry seems to care about keeping Ian out of prison more than his own family.  Terry easily could’ve slammed the door in Ian’s face and ignored him.  Does that mean I forgive Terry at all for everything he did to Mickey, Mandy, and Ian-not to mention his other sons and Svetlana?  FUCK NO.  But how telling is it that this show is now so bad that a villainous piece of shit like Terry is the one character we are listening to and agreeing with?  

One last thing about Terry-he just got out, but he knows Mickey’s in Mexico?  How?  I’m hoping this is a set up for Ian being able to find Mickey next week (or at the end of the season if we have to wait that fucking long), but this show doesn’t do continuity anymore, so I’m sure there’s no logical explanation for Terry knowing that fact.  

Fi goes to the Gallagher house looking for Ian and finds an empty box of hair dye, and a towel stained with hair dye, and that Ian’s drawers are empty.  I also noticed that his pillow was gone-did he pack that up too?  If so, I’m hoping it’s because he and Mickey shared it and he wanted to keep some part of Mick with him always, but we know this show ain’t about that anymore.  Anyway, Fi goes and tells Lip she thinks Ian skipped bail and they have to go find him.  Lip says no, Ian’s an adult.  This conversation also just took place with Debbie-or takes place right after, the show was so boring I couldn’t keep the repeated scenes straight if you put a gun to my head.  

WHY are the siblings so uncaring about Ian going to prison-or getting caught as a fugitive and spending even more time there?  WHY is everyone so stupid about whether prison is “bad” or not, especially for their apple cheeked, puppy-eyed brother who is dealing with mental illness?  Who may or may not be off his meds at any given time?  Ian couldn’t even handle VISITING Mickey in prison, why does he suddenly think he could do a stretch of multiple years if not decades?  All those years stealing cable and watching bootleg DVDs, did none of the Gallaghers ever watch Oz?  In a prior season it was established that Lip has read so much he was able to determine a Louis Vuitton purse was authentic by the stitching and the lettering-he’s never read about prisons and how they affect young men that are in them for a period of time?  “Hardened criminal” is a phrase he’s never come across?  Lip doesn’t realize how hard Ian’s future as a convicted felon will be when he gets out?  Trying to find a job (especially one with medical benefits), a place to live, all that stuff?  This show is shit.

There’s a meaningless shot of Ian at the train station (we don’t even get to know where he was planning to run to-as if we didn’t know-show us he’s at least headed south, you bastards!) and then there’s a scene where Lip comes home in the dark to find Ian at the kitchen table eating ice cream right out of the Edy’s carton.  (They don’t show us the flavor-it looked like it might be chocolate chip?  I didn’t see any chunks of cookie dough or anything.  Again, this is only important because everything else is so boring that actually knowing what kind of ice cream Ian likes would be interesting in comparison.)  

I guess the ice cream is sort of a metaphor?  Ian’s last sweet taste of freedom?  Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and they just came up with something for the brothers to share and it couldn’t be beer-because of Lip, not because of Ian’s meds because god knows they never cared about that, plus we STILL don’t know if he’s just magically back on them-if he is, how is he paying for them?  Anyway, after Lip’s earlier attitude about Ian being an “adult” and not caring all that much about him ever, he doesn’t deserve ice cream!  Here’s a snippet of their dialogue: 

Lip: So you didn’t run. Ian: Oh no-I ran.  I just...ran back.  (well, at least that’s in character since he ran away to the army and came back, and ran away with Monica and came back, and the fucking Mexican border, but I’m not happy about that fact)

They start listing the things Ian will miss if he’s gone for the next ten years.  Debbie may be married to a woman (I would think her being divorced is more likely, but whatever, I won’t be around to watch it either, I’m gone as soon as Ian’s back with Mickey), Carl will be a war criminal, Liam will be the father of a ten year old, Frank, dead.  Ian asks Lip, “You?”  “Still in AA, if I haven’t drunk myself to death.”  Ian says, “Do me a favor?  Don’t.”  IAN CARES MORE ABOUT LIP THAN LIP CARES ABOUT IAN.  Always has, always will.  “Lip deserves to get out of the ghetto.”  But Lip’s fine with Ian going off to prison because of the whole Gay Jesus thing that he never even began to try to understand or help Ian find a way out of.  This show is shit.

Next there’s a scene of Ian in a suit, dressed for court and talking to his Bible that’s on his bed (still no pillow-weird).  He’s asking Shim to talk to him one last time, maybe give him a hint what he should do.  His voice is soft and pleading and he’s almost in tears and all I can think is he needs Mickey to talk things out with.  Lip comes to the door and says something like they’re all downstairs, it’s time or whatever.  Ian gives the Bible one last look and seems to do a little wink-did he hear something from Shim?  Would it kill this show to let us in on some things?  This show is shit.

His plea hearing was so factually inaccurate it hurt.  His lawyer doesn’t say anything, and when asked what he pleads Ian launches into his entire defense.  And the judge lets him.  OMGJ.  

Again I’m pretty sure I’m witnessing a retcon when Ian says “A young man was being forced against his will into a van to be taken to a conversion camp.”  Um, as I recall (and I won’t rewatch the episodes to get all the exact details, they were too stupid), a young runaway came to the Church of Gay Jesus and claimed his parents were trying to make him get conversion therapy and they were giving him drugs so he couldn’t get erections because they didn’t like the fact that he was gay, but when Ian talked to the dad he said the kid ran away on his own because he suffered from mental illness, was off his meds, and was living on the street and prostituting himself.  As I recall the dad/parents didn’t say anything about conversion, they just wanted him home.  Maybe the dad sought help from the guys in the van because there was no other way to get the kid home-none of this has been established for the court, if nothing else!  This show is shit.

Ian gives a speech in a voice like wimpy Jeremiah trying to convince everyone Jerome was the bad one and it was just lame.  He claims his family loved him unconditionally-since when?  They only gave him crap about being with Mickey, or ignored him.  And then when he became “like Monica” there were definitely conditions on loving him-mainly that he be on his meds.  Right up to this episode they were all going around saying it’s time to let him go-they didn’t love him enough to want to keep him at the house and try to help him!  

Anyway, he then states in open court he was off his meds and in a manic state when he torched the van.  Then he looks back at Fiona and starts to give a tiny smile right before the credits.  Was he lying to get a lighter sentence and he’s smiling because he got away with it?  Or does he look to her like that because he knows she’ll be proud of him for finally telling the truth even if it disappoints/ruins the GJ movement (that is so implausible as a concept it makes my head ache)?  

By next week the show will be in another writer’s hands and I’ll never get the answer to that question either, I bet.  IF this means the-fucking finally-end to the GJ storyline, I’ll have to be happy enough with that. 

In conclusion let me say that once again the only “great” thing about the episode was ZERO mention of Terror!  

But the rest of the show was shit. 

[icariahq]

Thanks for applying Caitlin! We look forward to seeing Mike around the island. Make sure to send your blog in within the next 24 hours or reach out to us if you need an extension. Jake Johnson is now taken!

( JAKE JOHNSON, CISMALE, HE/HIM ) ⌇ have you seen MIKE CHADLEY THOMPSON around icaria? they are the 39 year old child of HYPNOS. they remind me of EMPTY PIZZA BOXES, HITTING SNOOZE, and MIDLIFE CRISES. They’ve been on the island for 5 YEARS.

OOC INFO:  We want to get to know a little about you! Please keep in mind for the AGE we need an actual age not just 21+ this is for the safety of all members.

NAME / PRONOUNS | AGE | TIMEZONE

Caitlin (she/her), 27, PST

ROLEPLAYING EXPERIENCE

Uhhhh like a decade? Idk whatever I put in the last app + however much time it’s been since then

TRIGGERS

None come to mind!

IC INFO:

Please know that all of this is to help you get to know your own character better – and to allow for easier plotting with other members!

WHO ARE YOU BRINGING TO THE ISLE?

FACECLAIM: Jake Johnson

NAME: Mike Chadley Thompson

AGE: 39

BIRTHDAY: April 21, 1981

OCCUPATION: Employee at Dew Drops

HOMETOWN: Minneapolis, MN

PETS: He has some fish! Is one of them named Finn? Maybe so.

POWERS:

Lucid Dreaming - this is more power-adjacent since it’s something humans can learn, but he always knows when he’s dreaming and can generally change the dream to suit his will and remember it when he wakes.

Dream Manipulation - he can enter other people’s dreams, interact with them while asleep, and alter the dream. Only works with people he knows, one at a time and only within a limited radius.

BIOGRAPHY:

(TW: death mention)

To say that Mike came as a surprise to his father would be an understatement. It wasn’t that Judas Jake Thompson was new to trysts with gods, but he hadn’t expected a dream fling with Hypnos to result in a baby being delivered the very next day. Luckily, Mike was an easy enough baby to raise - he was a mellow little guy, started sleeping through the night at a surprisingly early age, and was always happy to take a nap. Despite winding up with quite the crowd of demigod children, Jake never quite learned how to parent. He loved all of his children and genuinely enjoyed spending time with them, but had a tendency to give them a little too much independence - independence that Mike generally used to sleep in, skip homework in favor of video games, and start up a garage band in middle school that never learned to do much beyond make noise.

As the second oldest sibling growing up Mike tended take a backseat when it came to ‘older sibling’ responsibilities, leaving things more or less up to Leo. He was always down to hang out with his brothers though, either awake or in their dreams. The amount of energy it took him to visit dreams and change them around was enough to make him need to sleep even more, but it was well worth it to him - in the dreamscape (as he called it), they could do all kinds of crazy things that just wouldn’t be possible while awake. Dinosaur racing? Sure. Flying? Why not? Video games? Well - they could probably do that awake, but sometimes it was more fun playing in a place where the characters could pop out of the TV.

Around the time he got to high school, Mike realized that his ability to find the dreams of people other than his immediate family in the dreamscape - and, not really knowing any better, started using his powers to visit friends in their dreams, too. It went well enough at first, until one day he let slip to one of them that it really had been him in their dream - and that he’d been the one pulling the strings. Horrified at how upset they’d gotten and devastated at losing a friend, Mike decided to stop visiting dreams -  the only exceptions he’s made since were to stop nightmares for his siblings, or the occasional visit specifically requested. Dreaming got lonelier after that, but it felt safer to keep to himself outside of waking hours. 

With no particular goals in mind, Mike stuck close to home after high school. He always liked the idea of living somewhere with warmer weather, but was close enough with his family that he couldn’t imagine anything would ever be worth moving away from them over. Then one day, the unimaginable happened. After hearing about what had happened to his youngest brother, Will, suddenly Minnesota became unbearable. It wasn’t as though Will had even been nearby when he died, but that didn’t stop Mike from being reminded of him everywhere he went. Deciding a change in pace would be a good idea after all Mike moved down to Florida, staying there for a couple years until Hypnos appeared to him in a dream, telling him to move to Icaria. Eager for another change in scenery Mike packed up and went, inviting his siblings along with him. 

ANYTHING ELSE:

MIKE TIME

[hopevalley]

5.5 My Heart Is Yours (Thoughts, Part IV)

This is the final post, I promise!! Here is your navigation:

PART I -- 1.) The Frank Mess & 2.)The Adventures of Bill & Uh...Bill!

PART II -- 3.) Jack & Elizabeth & 4.) The Burned Church & 5.) Thatcher-Thornton Relationships

PART III --  6.) Community & Teamwork + More Relationships & 7.) The Wedding

PART IV -- 8.) The Reception & 9.) Wrap-Up Thoughts

We left off as the wedding party exited the church. That means it’s time for:

8.) The Reception

The saloon is decorated nicely. Fresh pretty linens on the tables. More flowers. Flower petals on the floor, candles burning on each table... Hey, one time I was at a reception and the tealight got so hard it shattered the glass it was in. Fun times. You’d think after the church fire they’d be cheap with the candles, but no. Of course not. Nobody on this show ever learns anything. Because crises don’t actually affect anyone.

Anyway, overall, it looks nice.

Elizabeth puts credit where it’s due: the dress, which all the women, including Florence, worked hard on. I like that their hard work gets an acknowledgment after-the-fact. 

It’s Congrats Hour! But just to Jack. Hey, wait until you get 304102 people asking you every other day how married life is treating you. Haw, haw. Gets old real fast, bucko.

I thought this was a cute little bit. 

I’m glad they didn’t leave them hanging entirely at the end of their last scene. This was pretty nice. I wish Tom looked a little more thrilled in this screenshot, but I feel pretty confident that he’s happy to be invited.

This is obviously a bit different in terms of, you know, most of the chairs being pushed back already... And the food gone. Most of the weddings I’ve been to, toasts go early, before the food. Then after food, push all the chairs back and dance.

Which reminds me of the lack of cake.

None of it distracts me from the candles on the stairs. You’d think these dopes would have learned their lesson after the church incident, but no.

Very nice. He did keep it short! And it was heartfelt and sweet. A nice toast. No sentimental “I remember when Jack was in training and he was a dork” montage that lasted for five full minutes. Bill isn’t very long-winded, generally speaking, so I wasn’t too worried, but...with this series you can’t ever feel safe.

Now for Abigail’s toast.

Florence: God, take me Home this instant. Clara and Jesse: Yeah a love thAT doESn’T coMe aLonG eVery dAY!!! :3

This was the only sweet part of what she said, tbh. Everything else was too Jack/Elizabeth-centric and it came across as kind of creepy and weird to me. I mean, by all means...make a toast and talk about the sparks flying or whatever, but don’t make it sound like their love story is something special when people fall in love every day.

Sorry, Lori. I know you wrote these yourself, but they were pretty mediocre. Painfully so. I kind of cringed through them. I expected something better than Bill’s toast, but he did a much better job.

Then we get the Father/Daughter dance!!

ADORABLE. SIGN ME UP. I loved this tiny little bit. It was the perfect amount of reliving a memory and sweetness.

They dance all of five steps and this JACKass cuts in (haha...get it?).

No??? YOU MAY NOT??? That’s so rude. You don’t cut in on the father/daughter dance!!!! Mr. Thatcher would be so offended. Elizabeth would be horrified and embarrassed. If this was to show us that Jack doesn’t know anything about anything, it would work, but it’s obviously an attempt to save time by avoiding showing us a longer father/daughter dance. A shame, because the father/daughter mother/son dances are probably my favorite at weddings.

They dance for like, four seconds and then everyone else files onto the floor, which is also very rude lmao like look, I’m not one for traditional etiquette but this is a wedding. Guests dance after the bride and groom get that first dance in, not 7 seconds after they start dancing.

(The kid to the left. His hand peeking out of his jacket. LOL.)

Mr. Thatcher is dancing with Dottie, Lee and Rosemary are dancing, Bill and Florence are dancing. You’d think it’d feel nice but it feels...lacking. 

I blame the fact that there isn’t a toast from Rosemary or Lee. I blame Abigail’s painfully mediocre toast that felt like the rest of this hyperfocused plot. I blame the slightly too gaudy decorations (might have been nice to use those to do up the church instead, and leave the saloon “lacking” in decorations imo) and table settings.

I mean, it was a very rushed scene!

And I think what upsets me the most about it being rushed is that...it didn’t have to be. It shouldn’t have felt that way.

And let’s be real, who didn’t want a little scene of Jack and Elizabeth walking back to Elizabeth’s house with her dress slung over her arm and his suit jacket around her shoulders? I know I did. It could have been so cute, it could have ended on a little kiss where he’s about to carry her over the threshold. A nice soft way to end this that didn’t feel like the writers had to rush through the reception.

But hey, again...I’m not writing this show, so what I think doesn’t matter! ;) Stay tuned for when I actually attempt to rewrite this series, though.

9.) Wrap-Up Thoughts

If you followed along this far, you really deserve something special! Sadly all you’ll get is a thank-you from me. This is the part where I casually air out my grievances about everything I’ve already complained about, but it’s condensed and easy to follow.

Things I liked a lot:

The wedding morning scene with Elizabeth and her father.

Bill going out of his way to make sure Jack got to walk down that aisle. He said last episode that Elizabeth was family so in a way he did this for her, too. I thought it was super sweet.

Jack’s face when Elizabeth tells him what Bill did for him. He just looks so sweetly touched! I love it.

Things I liked:

Frank showing up. FINALLY.

Tom and Jack interacting.

Jack and Lee interacting.

Jack worrying about Bill.

The kids trying to do things right.

Tom and Julie getting some interaction.

Things I hated:

All the scenes that were wastes of time.

The writers giving Bill and Frank extremely OOC lines just to make everything focus on Jack and Elizabeth’s wedding.

Lack of Julie and Elizabeth interaction.

Look, as far as the things I hate go, they have one thing in common, and that’s the fact that they were utterly unnecessary and only served to force everything in this episode to orbit Jack and Elizabeth’s wedding in a way that just feels uncomfortable the more you dare to think about it. 

The whole fitting scene where Jack “almost sees her dress”? Pointless, because its only purpose was to get the dress to the church. The rehearsal scenes? Existed only to set up the children alone at the school rehearsing so that they wouldn’t be supervised and would start a fire. The rescuing-Opal scene? Pointless except to make Jack look like a big hero or something I guess? Ooh, Jack could have died! Sorry, but if Bill hadn’t gone in his stead to escort that prisoner, Jack could have died. That little point was already covered. They should have taken it seriously. The infirmary scene? Its only purpose was to make sure they acknowledged that the kids Did a Bad Thing and have it appropriately forgiven.

We already had a “catastrophe prevents the perfect wedding” event for Lee and Rosemary and it was more interesting and plausible than what we got here. It also felt like a huge deal because 1) Rosemary is so pushy and wants to get her way about literally everything, so 2) the lack of decorations for her wedding and her going through with it anyway meant something for her character development. 

Believe it or not, Hallmark, you don’t have to throw forty anchors overboard to keep this ship from actually sailing. 

It doesn’t help that the church is so messed up afterward that in reality it could never be fixed appropriately on time. I would have loved a cute scene where maybe a window was damaged, the curtains burned on it, the wall was a bit scorched, the floor marked up. The kids could feel they’d ruined everything but half a day could fix it up well. 

BUT NAH. They burned out the front of the church almost entirely and acted like it was possible to fix it in a day and a night, and have it inhabitable by a crowd immediately afterward.

Absolutely not? Paint takes a long time to dry, especially when it’s chilly. The windows would need to be custom made and framed, the frames painted beforehand and dried. These guys painted everything perfectly without even taping anything off. Without seemingly breaking a sweat. They got new pews and replaced the floor and fixed the walls in that short amount of time? 

That church would smell like smoke and wet paint for the wedding. Awful.

I hate it. It’s what I like to call “forced wholesomeness.” Like I’m all for the town coming together to help someone, but it needs to feel like that person actually needs the help and support. For example, when several people from town made a point of helping Edith. Or when several women came to help Carla give birth. Or hey, when Rosemary stepped in with Lee to help Mr. and Mrs. Lawson have a nice wedding anniversary. I mean, that’s the kind of wholesome content that feels genuine and real, and these examples are all of a handful of people pitching in. When the entire town pitches in, it should be for a Big Cause--like, you know, someone in the town they care about can’t afford surgery or something.

This particular episode’s theme of “community togetherness” went too far. It was too much. It didn’t feel genuine. It felt forced. It makes Jack and Elizabeth feel like the town darlings instead of, you know, two people who happen to make their lives in the town. 

EVERYTHING feels like it has to revolve around them and it shouldn’t feel that way. 

I should see Jack and Elizabeth as people who reside in a town made up of many other people, some of whom really love them and many of whom don’t care a whole lot about their romantic inclinations. Sign me up for a few characters going way out of their way for Elizabeth and Jack, but not the whole town. People have jobs to do and lives of their own. Who were half the people who were at the wedding? Why wasn’t Jesse there? I mean, it’s so ridiculous it’s hard to swallow. 

I talked earlier about other plausible avenues this could have taken, and I honestly feel that if they were going to waste half the scenes in the episode trying to ruin the "perfect” wedding, it should have been allowed to be ruined. Bill should have showed up halfway through the wedding or not at all. The church should have been declared unusable. Elizabeth getting married in a quick-attempt wedding gown (maybe a much plainer white dress) and her mother’s hairpiece. 

And if they didn’t have the guts to follow through on “ruining” their star characters’ wedding, then they should have done a genuinely heartfelt episode with more relationship scenes between the cast (Frank/Abigail, Jesse/Clara, Julie+Elizabeth, Rosemary/Lee) and given more time to Bill’s storyline--for example, made it scarier, gave Jack a reason to think something bad had happened and made it more about Bill’s life than the rings; imagine knowing your mentor & one of your best men might be dead because he was doing you a favor! What an awful backdrop for a wedding!

There’s something to be said for commitment as a writer. Your job is to commit to the story you’re telling. It’s natural to “fake out” the readers a few times as the story progresses, because life is full of twists and turns and sometimes things don’t end up as bad as we fear they will. That’s believable. Sometimes an action you take IRL feels like it’ll come back to haunt you, but then...it just doesn’t. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally throwing something like that into a story, especially with characters who fit the tone well via being prone to anxiety or worry.

WCTH did this reasonably well with Bill finding AJ. Her constant negativity about how Bad Things were going to happen was justified, but it’s not as if she ended up dying. And heck, the follow-through is that she’s still on the run and will, soon, have to face trial. So things turned out okay, but the consequences were still things the character(s) had to face.

Again, you can kind of “fake out” readers now and then by throwing in something that sounds like it’ll be a problem, and then letting the problem be...less of an issue than expected.

The writer’s pratfall of fake-outs comes when everything you write, every conflict, every trial, ends up being a fake-out.

And that’s where When Calls the Heart is right now. They’ve been faking us out over and over and over from almost the beginning of this series, and at this point? I’m tired of it. It’s dull, it feels trite. I can’t take the bait anymore, because I know it’s bait. 

They released spoilers warning us of the fire. They showed Bill dressed for and at the wedding, which is obviously happening in the church. What was the point of taking the time to fake us out and spoil us that the fake-outs were fake-outs? 

To say I’m annoyed is...an understatement.

Look, I have no issues with them telling us Bill will be in “serious jeopardy” or whatever in E8 and then showing him wandering around right as rain in spoiler images for E9. Whatever. That’s their prerogative! But also, it’s not an event the fandom has been long anticipating. 

Besides, I can’t imagine they’d actually kill him off or anything. Of course he’s going to be okay! It’s just fun to watch his shenanigans, especially when AJ is also involved.

But for this wedding stuff, they went way out of their way to release spoiler videos of dramatic things...while also showing us that the wedding would be perfect in literally every sense of the word.

I know the problem. I know it! 

It’s the lack of commitment. It’s like they kinda wanted to ruin the wedding but were afraid fans would react negatively to it.

COMMIT YOU COWARDS. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m fairly happy with this episode. There were a lot of nice things mixed in with the annoying bad things. I’m just really tired of every conflict that occurs feeling pointless; it’s like none of the characters seem to ever fully face the consequences of their own actions or the actions of others. It’s tiring. Henry Gowen gets out on parole due to a simpering over-the-top completely inappropriate plea by Abigail which really just makes Bill look like a liar (as if a mean judge would let her finish that sentence without punting her off the stand lol). Oh No the Rings but then Bill’s on time anyway. Oh No the Church but then the church is magically fixed anyway. Oh No the Decorations but somehow the church is 500% more decorated than it was for Rosemary’s wedding and they had plenty to do up the saloon. 

The only thing this show has consistently committed to? 

Is kicking off new characters the second they’ve served whatever dramatic role they wanted them for. And hey, Frank was like the sole exception to that but we’ll be losing him next week, so...what does that say?

And you know, I’d say “Good on Hallmark” if he and Abigail “breaking up” is a fake-out (and they actually end up getting engaged or something), but I know it’s not. I know it’s just them finally getting rid of a character they clearly haven’t known what to do with for an entire season, now. So I’m extra irritated about it.

Anyway, despite my salty long post, this episode was...pretty good. If nothing else it did have a few heartfelt moments in it, and there is no doubt in my mind that those were its saving grace.

[halcyon-writings]

The Early Morning - Tensei Iida

this wasn’t requested but I have feelings for tensei and he hasn’t even been properly introduced in the anime and episode 12 fucked mE UP OH MY GOD (also pls excuse me if he’s ooc bc I’m more familiar with the anime than the manga so rip)

I was also listening to the hamilton soundtrack when best of wives and best of women came on so here I am dying

h e l p

warning(s): female reader, kinda spoiler-y for the Sports Festival Arc

masterlist  -  fandom list

It was your husband’s movement that woke you up. You should have been used to this by now, after all, it wasn’t the first time that he would be called in for work this early. It had probably begun since the beginning of your marriage two, almost three years ago.

The two of you had actually met as first years attending the U.A., and soon enough became fast friends. You two worked flawlessly as a team, with your wind-based complimenting the engine mechanisms that Tensei had on his arms. 

The two of you hadn’t started dating until the end of your second year when he nervously asked you to be his girlfriend, messing up some of his words unlike his normally cool and (mostly) collected self. 

During your marriage, you became a very light sleeper so most things would get you up, like right now. 

“Duty’s calling again?” You asked with mirth at the sight of Tensei tiptoeing around the room in full costume (except for his helmet). 

Your husband jumped, before rubbing his head with a sheepish grin on his face. 

“Sorry honey.”

"What’s the work for today?” You asked curiously, sitting up, with your husband coming towards you to help you (even if you could do it yourself).

“Just a small investigation, nothing too bad,” Tensei replied, attempting to be nonchalant, which you saw through completely.

“Tensei.” 

“It is...honest!” 

Playfully rolling your eyes, you took a quick look outside, the sun hadn’t even risen yet, which made you raise an eyebrow in mild interest. 

“It better be something important if they’re calling you this early. It’s still dark outside,” You murmured.

“I know. But I’ll be fast, or my name isn’t Turbo Hero Ingenium!”

You pretended to pout, “Are you sure you can’t come back to bed? It gets cold without my cuddle partner. Plus Tenya has the sports festival going on today. We told him we’d watch. ”

“I know, I’ll be back before you know I’m gone,” He promises with a small smile before giving you a gentle kiss on the lips and then on the forehead.

“Well, I’m going back to sleep, or at least try to,” You answer, looking down at your abdomen before lying down again, “Expect these blankets to be hogged oh husband of mine.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” He answers, a grin on his face, then he looks down at your stomach, placing his gloved palm on top of it, although you weren’t quite there to your due date, your stomach was quite large, “and I hope you behave to let your mother rest.”

Once again, you playfully roll your eyes,“The kid’s a little rebel, Ten, now they’re definitely gonna keep me awake instead of listening to you.”

He laughs, before putting on his helmet. But you could see a small bit of hesitation in his eyes, whatever he was going to do must have been serious. 

“Tensei,” You said barely loud enough for him to hear just before he left your shared bedroom, “Please, be careful.”

He only nods.

Closing the door behind him, Tensei exhaled, a small amount of doubt had begun to linger in his mind. 

‘I’m sorry [Y/N], I don’t know if I can promise you that.”

Although put off that she couldn’t watch the U.A’s annual sports festival with her husband, [Y/N] still watched the event support your (little) brother-in-law.

Sure they were showing the 2nd and 3rd years as well, but [Y/N] could definitely say she preferred the 1st years, they all had shown a vast quantity of potential.

The festival was finally at the Battle Tournament portion, and Tenya made it all the way to the semi-finals before being beaten by a boy with dual-colored hair. 

While it was on commercial break, she stood up, and went towards the kitchen to find something to snack on, it seemed that the baby was making her particularly hungry today. 

As she raided the fridge, [Y/N] couldn’t help but wince as the kicks coming from the little one inside of her became more frequent. It didn’t help that an odd feeling was lingering in the back of the hero’s mind. 

Then the phone rang.

“[Y/N]?” It was a friend she had within the local police force, “Something happened, but I need you to stay calm for what I’m about to tell you.”

From their tone, [Y/N] could tell that something bad happened. And the odd feeling she had grew into dread, “What happened?”

“It’s your husband. A villain got him.”

The phone fell from [Y/N]’s hand.

[olympivnshq]

congratulations grace! we loved reading your rendition of KHIONE. you captured her icy nature perfectly but what really sold us was how you infused your application with such passion for this character. after some consideration, we’ve decided to accept you with your first faceclaim choice: CLAIRE HOLT.

☆ﾟ*・ﾟ  OOC INFO.

hi !! i’m grace/g and am twenty-two, use she&her, reside in EST, and am super warm and friendly despite who i’m auditioning for !!

☆ﾟ*・ﾟ  DEITY  —  GENDER. AGE RANGE.

khione —  she&her anywhere from 30-40. 

☆ﾟ*・ﾟ MORTAL NAME. JOB/OCCUPATION. BOROUGH/NEIGHBORHOOD.

A colette callahan. interior designer/design. ( for private/wealthy clients ) manhattan + central park south. she likes her neighborhood for the views of the park, as she feels a general connection to nature and tends to admire it often due to her own isolation ( self-inflicted ) it gives her a sense of connection and peace. she can’t stray far from nature and is very ACTIVE. i see her running through the park daily its much preferred versus a gym any day. is known for being progressive with her interior design. her aesthetic and trademark is white. clean. she puts a heavy strain on negative space and purity with her work and for her clients. if they don’t like white, silver, gray, black….. don’t hire her. ( refer to 1, 2, 3 )

☆ﾟ*・ HOW WOULD YOU PLAY THEM?

how she acts/thinks/works with others in the group/generalized rambling of khione: ( goddess ) she isn’t one to make friends or be friendly. an introvert among the glitz and glam of olympus. there’s a harshness inside khione that will not be fractured. it’s not anger necessarily though most would assume so she’s just independent and knows her power and worth. she understands her importance ( of her element/powers ) and this influences her behavior. though not high on the hierarchy, you’ll get a brain freeze trying to convince her that she and snow/cold aren’t of the utmost importance. she demands respect even though she doesn’t often receive it. i don’t imagine her being a favorite among olympus but i can see her playing nice and able to charm when she needs to. though often stand-offish she values true, deep rooted friendship. ( big on family aka her father and two brothers * from the lore i’m going off of ) do not mistake this with her needing companionship because she does not, what so ever. loves her solace. isn’t a being seeking the warm fuzzies ( literally ) and is sharp and blunt but ( i see ) this as possibly refreshing amongst the crowd of immortals. she isn’t a ass-kisser and is blunt by fault and will tell you how it is. though ideally she’d be higher on the chain of command you wouldn’t find her kissing ass to get there. ( mortal ) similar in how she acts, but as a mortal she’s cool and calculated in her work. that is her art form and it makes her happy. she’s kind of bland in the sense she doesn’t open up easy nor have many friends. she finds companionship in sleeping around often, but only of those she deems worthy. ( high intellect, class, money, etc ) she’s materialistic. she has a dog with whom is probably shown the most of her affection. she’s married to a man who believes is homosexual and closeted ( maybe a fellow god idk when she finds out/gets memories i can’t imagine her staying with him otherwise ) and so it’s more of a partnership which works for her because she enjoys her sexual side and being able to give 100% to her work so seeing him a few times a month just works out. ( i see her as bisexual ) think power couple, but strictly prestige. she’s good arm candy for him and he has deep connections in new york to get her where she wants. like her immortal self once crossed will not give another chance, i can see this being the same case with her immortal family. ( or maybe give her a few centuries and then she’ll reconsider ) also going with the hc she’s extremely active/self absorbed. not the annoying instagram story kind but moreso she’s connected deeply to her health and feels complete looking her 100000% best. generally best dressed in the room, well versed in trend and fashion for new york standards. she knows she’s better than you ( god and mortal ) but isn’t the kind to rub it in your face necessarily? more so she knows her worth and is very secure in that and that she is attractive. ( very pale skin, crystal blue eyes, natural pale blonde hair, tall ) but like……… is arrogant. will still call you out for your last season gucci or ( immortal sense ) tell you the shit job you’re doing with your respected duty and how she could do it better.how she speaks/accent/tone: ( mortal ) i actually really like the idea of her being somewhat foreign? her “mortal” life and memories have her starting in norway so her accent is there though she’s hiding it. she thinks norwegian accents aren’t that tasteful so she’s done her best to cleanse it from her speech pattern but it resides since she didn’t arrive to the states until college/university. partners find it appealing ( in her mind at least ) that she’s foreign and she’s smug in that sense to be different from the rest. when she’s speaking to you, you know its her. her words though accented are rather musical and her speech and english flows well and without flaw. because colette would have it no other way.

( goddess ) in her true form however she’s kind of ……. annoying. i see proper diction and pronunciation of things every. single. time. her tone is a feminine alto. speaks drawn out and on the slower side. her words and tone come off conceited among fellow gods and goddesses. she’s a true intellectual and knows this and won’t hesitate to make you feel like the smallest being in the room. full well knowing she isn’t top dog on the chain of command. don’t talk down to her, total pet peeve.how she thinks: this is complex and i could depict this in a small novel BUT in summary i see her thinking in a generalized word………. negatively? ( mortal and goddess ) because mortals never worshiped her, and immortals don’t see her value. ( but going off the lore she’s goddess of winter/snow/all seasonal things cold * if this needs to be tweaked we can because in some things i read her father passes winter onto her as he’s aged and he just holds reign on the north wind ajksd ) she knows just how important her and her father are and in a positive way of thinking sees it as ignorance that she wants to educate. without winter/snow/cold life for the mortals would be hell, the earth couldn’t withstand constant heat everything would die. cold is needed. things must cool town to allow for new growth and rejuvenation. doesn’t necessarily think she’ll make it to top dog, nor does she want to, just thinks in a progressive sense of always moving forward and up in olympus. on earth she feels stuck and incomplete. ( makes sense with the whole predicament ) and so behind small smirk and a questioning brow among crowds she is sad, so she finds brief fulfillment in one night stands and a limited edition handbag. she’s trying to find what will make her whole ( aka memories ) but thinks she’s too good for a therapist and will ignore her nagging thoughts with a glass of four of wine.

1. would you like your character to be entering the roleplay at this stage in the plot, with or without their memories?

without, because i’d love to depict and play out the blizzard that will happen when she does recollect them. rip she’s going to be so angry.

2. are they more likely to stand with the pantheon or against it?  ( if you are choosing a god they may endeavour to dismantle it for whatever reason )

mixed more so against in a selfish sense because eternal screaming of HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO HER. THE EARTH WILL F*CKING DIE IDIOTS. but also is big on balance and respects such a drastic measure. she’s glad it was done but is like JUST NOT TO HER. so all in all, probably won’t stand she ??? a ???? mortal ???? indefinitely ??? wait till you feel/hear khione’s wrath. 

3. what is their stand on mortals?

doesn’t care for them. they don’t appreciate her or her father, so why would she? they curse and spew venom for loss of crops ( or used to ) power, death. but death is the natural cycle. cold is part of the natural cycle in order to maintain BALANCE. ( o ya she’s super big on that, fairness and equality in all things if u get a quarter the next person should too )

☆ﾟ*・ GIVE US A SAMPLE OF YOUR WRITING!

intricate. slender fingers move with ease, sculpting. she breathes life and beauty into this flake of ice. this single snowflake. with a soft breath she blows and watches its descend. it dances down towards the earth landing delicately into a gloved palm. a small mortal with raven hair peers back up at her cheering in delight, fueling her further on. soon a whirl of art is gifted to the tiny mortal who dance merrily in the fresh snow as snowflakes greet the earth. a small delicate smile finds khione….. though brief, and fleeting. a new scene appears, a scene much harsher. a shuttering man with bluing lips and expanding pupils. the chilling wind rages on before him and he pleads to whoever, whoever being her. khione is unphased. not even a twitch. a tisk. her planned snow would not be interrupted due to a single mortal. better yet, a dozen mortals would not invoke interference. leaning back into perfected white pelt beneath her her gaze flickers to her approacher. cal. though bonded by their father she never quite understood why her father would offer such a feeble minded demigod immortality. he seems to understand her disgust, yet enters her chamber stumbling and stuttering. eyes roll by fault and a drawn sigh is released, gaze flickering to her nails. her skin gleams in contrast with the color, so pale that she seems to glow. she is a goddess after all…. as for cal? a half blood. half her worth. regretfully tall frame rises from her seat. “ calais, ” a annoyed greeting is given.

A PREVIOUS BLOG OR A REPLY:   https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/laurrakinncy/182778944087 ( real talk haven’t been in tumblr in like 6 months sooooo………….. i can’t remember old blogs/passwords im sORRY my content is dry )

REPLY TO A STARTER:  this ONE !!!!

“ should? ” she echoes boredly in response. fingers tap busily at a work email on glowing phone, paying no attention to the other. taupe brows drawing together in thought as she pauses, then continues her typing. “ shouldn’t. ” colette corrects with smug emphasis.

eyes finally lift as the dribble of liquid trickles towards cashmere coat and she gets to a swift ( and entirely graceful ) stance. “ last i checked isadora you aren’t a bull and we aren’t in a china shop. ” sculpted features twist with her own dismay.

[misplacedson-arch]

ABRAM KELVIN’S RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET

WANT NEW-AND-EXCITING PLOTS FOR YOUR CHARACTER? LONG TO REACH OUT TO MORE OF YOUR FOLLOWERS, BUT DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START? FEAR NOT! FILL OUT THIS FORM AND GIVE YOUR RP PARTNERS BOTH PRESENT AND FUTURE ALL THE OF JUICY JUMPING OFF POINTS THEY NEED TO HELP YOU GET YOUR CHARACTERS ACQUAINTED.

                           — BE SURE TO REPOST, DON’T REBLOG! TEMPLATE HERE. —

MUN NAME: Bru OOC CONTACT: discord is the best way to get ahold of me but Tumblr IM works too.

WHO THE FRICK IS ABRAM KELVIN ANYWAY:

BEFORE THE RAZE. Abram’s life was pretty simple before his hometown was torched to the ground. He was born and raised in Helena, MT to Edward and Jenevive Kelvin who absolutely adored him. He was a loud, stubborn boy who had a difficult time making friends and preferred to keep to himself ( he was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome when he was four ). His interests included art, the motorcycles and cars in his dad’s garage, and aircrafts. His little brother was born when he was 11 and Abram absolutely loved being an older brother. When trouble started to arise, Abram was very vocal about it, and he was easily upset and angered when his parents tried to sweep it under the rug. When he was 16 his hometown was razed and among all the commotion, Abram was separated from his family.

AXIOM. Scouts from one of the only remaining militias left on the planet picked up a scared, lonely, lost 16 year old Abram sometime after Helena was burnt to the ground and he was relocated to Pittsburgh. Though he was in a “safe” place, things did not become easier. Abram never did learn to keep his mouth shut and it got him into a great amount of trouble through the years. His superiors smacked him around whenever he spoke out and Abram spent much of his teenage years hiding in the sewers beneath Pittsburgh. He continued to be a skeptical, easily upset, and he quickly learned that puffing up and fighting back kept people from hurting him. He was taught how to pilot helicopters and planes and was enlisted as a large cargo transporter. Abram met sharpshooter, Aika Hiroshi, when he was in his early 20s, and their daughter Murasaki ( who later dubbed herself Sprout ) was born when he was 26. Aika died sometime after Sprout’s birth.

NOW. It’s just been Abram and Sprout for a while. Abram prefers to keep a low profile within Axiom. When Abram caught wind that his estranged family was possibly in the Seattle area, he requested to be posted there. Him and Sprout relocated to the Northwest. Three prisoners who were familiar with his brother arrived, and that’s when shit really hits the fan.

POINTS OF INTEREST:

SPROUT: There is absolutely nothing more important in Abram’s life than his daughter and her safety and well-being. God help anyone who gets between the two of them. She’s the only living family Abram has left. He will be out for blood if he even thinks someone or something poses a threat to her.

AIRCRAFTS AND MECHANICS: Abram is a highly skilled pilot and mechanic. He can pilot and repair anything he gets his hands on and give you all the deals on that particular aircraft or vehicle ( special interests ayyyyye ).

BRUISER: Not only has he been trained to fight, he is very good at it and it is often times his first instinct to just start hitting when faced with a threat. Abram can throw a punch, he throws them hard, and he doesn’t stop hitting until he feels they have learned their lesson. He is loud, he is angry, and he is aggressive.

WEAPONS: God knows Abram Kelvin loves his guns and his knives. He’s an excellent shot who very rarely misses his target.

ART: Not everything about him is hard and mean. He’s an avid fan of physical arts--paintings, drawings, sculptings, that ugly “modern art”, even architecture!! Abram’s own personal preferred medium is colored pencils, mostly because they are what is most convenient. If someone can get him talking, he might be able to go on for hours. Special interests strike again.

STIMS: If you pay enough attention, you’ll pick up on his stimming behavior. Even then, you might not even realize that’s what it is. It’s just part of the Asperger’s syndrome and his stims are all pretty subtle. He wiggles his fingers when he’s excited/happy, presses his face into his hands when he’s stressed, rests his face on cool surfaces when he’s anxious. He tends to drag his hands against rough surfaces to refocus his attention. He’ll do something with either his own hair or Sprout’s hair to calm himself down.

SURVIVE: When it comes down to it, Abram is the way he is for one reason: to get by in the world. His aggression, his anger, and his skepticism are all survival mechanisms. It keeps people at bay and decreases the likelihood of either himself or his daughter being put in harms way.

WHAT THEY’VE BEEN UP TO RECENTLY:

After relocating to Washington with Sprout and getting caught up with a rag tag team of misfits, crossing the country with them, and having his daughter taken from him by the goons who he used to work for, Abram’s making his way from New York back to Washington. He’s on his own again, deciding to break off from the rest of the group as he blames them for Sprout being taken in the first place. Of course, this is all very verse and interaction dependent. 

WHERE TO FIND THEM:

ANYWHERE: Abram’s like a ghost. He’s given his assignment, he packs up his helicopter, and he takes off. He keeps to himself, gets the job done quickly, puts a bullet through anyone who gets in his way, and goes home to his daughter. He could be anywhere in the country at any point.

"HOME”: Wherever that might be. At the moment, it’s Washington. Before that, it was Pittsburgh. Abram doesn’t consider anyplace “home”, though. Not really. It’s just wherever he happens to be living at the time with Sprout. That’s “home”.

THE PRISON: Occasionally he acts as a prison guard for Axiom. He’s not a fan of the torture they put upon people but he’ll stand guard outside the cells and put people in their place. He’s good at it.

THE GARAGE: Sometimes vehicles need fixing and Abram comes in. The garage is sort of his happy place, if you will. He gets lost in the mechanics and Sprout is aloud to come with him. She mostly sits quietly on the side and plays with the tools while her dad does whatever work needs to be done.

CURRENT PLANS:

GET SPROUT BACK: That is priority number one right now. Get his daughter back, kill the bastards who took her, find a safe place far away from Axiom and anyone else, and live out the rest of their lives in peace. It’s a very loosely pieced together plan but that’s what he’s got and he’s determined.

DESIRED INTERACTIONS:

Main verse stuff is always fun. This doesn’t have to follow the events of The Burning World to a T because it’s a bit of a confusing timeline. Basically anything in a zombie apocalypse setting is cool. But I’m honestly down for lots of things. There’s very little I won’t be willing to write.

OFFERED INTERACTIONS:

The bruiser. The mechanic. The pilot. The artist. Abram’s a total dick and I can’t promise our muses will get along splendidly but there’s a few things that can happen here. Sprout is often featured on this blog as well. If your muse can get through to Sprout, they might be able to get through to Abram. Got an interaction going on with Perry’s?? Even better!! If it’s set in a modern verse, your muse will probably be acquainted with Abram anyway.

ANYTHING ELSE?:

Just come plot w/ me tbh I’m super lame and I love Abram Kelvin and all his flaws.

[losingsiide-archive-blog]

eyyy so ya boi made it to 200!! i think these are still cool? who knows, i’m not hip with the kids. but i made this blog just a few months ago and hit 100 in a few weeks, and now i’m here. honestly coming back to rp after?? god knows how long?? was one of the few good decisions i’ve made. i mean, granted, i made plenty of bad ones afterwards ( skipping class to talk about headcanons, writing 2500+ words in a little under an hour, like 90% of the stuff that makes me cool ) but it was well worth it. i came into the sherlock rp community cautiously, honestly expecting to leave within two weeks, but i’ve made some really good friends who are incredibly important to me. i love them a lot you guys.

RAIN MARS INSERT SHITTY JOKE HERE,

so. i’ve talked about kacie a thousand times, i know i don’t have to. you guys know how much i love her. but i say it because it’s important. kacie and i built a friendship off of loving each other and rolling our eyes at everyone else; at the end of the day, she’s who i have. she’s my best friend, my soulmate, my partner in far too many bad decisions but all of my good ones, the only person who call my on my bullshit and encourages me to be my saltiest self in the same breath. for three years, i’ve gotten nothing but love and support from her. so please excuse my outward affection, all the appreciation posts, all the replies on her munday photos and every ooc post, how i yell about rain to people who don’t even know who kacie is, i’m just trying to make up for three years of her doing the same for me. nobody else can make me laugh like she does, the kind that leaves me gasping for air and smiling so hard my entire face hurts, and nobody else can make me go from angry and annoyed and frustrated to flopping over onto my bed and pressing my face into a pillow because her anger at whatever is bothering me, no matter how small or how little she knows about it, makes my chest hurt from all the love. so just, like, let me have this. even though she’s gonna read this and call me gay, and i’ll tell her i’m just gay for her, and she’ll send me a heart and i’ll send her one and know i made her smile, and that will be enough // @fxrechild​

MY ENGLAND MOM, MARTHA,

i guess i should probably start at the beginning. sophie was my first friend in the fandom. my rp blogs don’t last long without partners to write with. i get bored easily. so to everyone who likes my blog, everyone i met after sophie, you have her to thank for my being here. sophie let me rant to her about headcanons i had barely developed, back when i had even less of a grasp on sherlock than i do now. she was my rp partner, and then somewhere along the way she became a lot more than that. she’s a teacher. if there’s one thing i’ve learned in all my years, all sixteen of them ( guys help i’m so old ), it’s that teachers are very much born. it’s not an occupation, it’s a type of person. sophie just happens to be employed as a teacher as well as being one. i know i’m not making sense so let me explain: few people are capable of the warmth that sophie displays, and even fewer are capable of directing it towards someone so far away, and then, once you have that, you have to actually be able to teach something. for sophie, it’s how to care. sophie is, without a doubt, the first person i think of when someone says compassion or kindness or love. she’s there for me when i’m anxious, sad, upset, but she’s there for the good times too, for all the smiles and the laughter, and she never misses a beat. i said once that she was family and that still stands. some people are just too important to simply say ‘friend’ // @adler-thewoman​

MY ANGST QUEEN SUPREME,

i’m half-tempted to leave it at that, actually. i swear, allison has made cry as many times as she’s made me smile. allison is incredibly involved in her character. she understands abigail in a way that shocks me every day, but it makes her wonderful to talk to. her dedication to her character is, in short, absolutely beautiful to see. allison is absolutely beautiful to see in general. she’s chill as hell, which is great for days when i’m too tired to do much else but talk about sherlock and abigail being cute together. she doesn’t get nearly enough sleep but that’s okay; it means she’s always awake when i need her. allison is, in every respect, one of the best listeners i have ever had the pleasure of being friends with. whether it’s long-winded headcanons about our muses or just my irl problems, she’s here, ready to talk. and when i need time alone, she understands. i can’t explain how important that is. being able to listen, to understand, these are skills i’ve struggled with my whole life and allison makes it look easy. when i’ve had a long day and i want quiet, chill time, she’s who i go to. my gratitude for her patience and time can’t be expressed in words // @suumuxor​

MY ACTUAL IRL ANGEL,

i don’t actually write with jack all that much. jack isn’t someone i have to write with to maintain our friendship. there’s genuine affection here. when i come home, when i’m sad, when i wake up, he’s the person i go to. i couldn’t tell you why to save my life. i’ve tried a thousand times, written jack novels about why he means so much to me, but it’s the kind of thing i can’t put into words. but i’ll try one more time. half the time he’s making a joke, the other half he’s being one of the most affectionate people i’ve ever met. i can’t think of what i could have done to earn his singular love, so i assume he’s like that with everyone. as funny as he is, as much as he makes me laugh and roll my eyes in equal measure, it’s that ridiculously thoughtful, caring part that fascinates me. i still haven’t quite figured jack out, but i’m gonna. i guess until then, that’s my excuse to keep talking to him // @psychopatx

MY PERSONAL RAY OF SUNSHINE,

every day i call her my sunshine and every day she tells me i’m wrong. i wonder when she’s gonna figure out that i’ve never been so right about anything. zoe is an amazing person. incredibly strong and determined, intelligent as hell and passionate about what she does. she loves mary like i love her, and that’s saying a lot. even without knowing i’m in a bad mood or in a bad place, she cheers me up, and has never failed to do so. being around her is like being outside in the perfect weather in your favorite place. it’s impossible to not feel better when you talk to her. she’s such a beautiful person, insanely caring and always ready to help her friends. she cares so deeply for the people she chooses to surround herself with, and never fails to make me feel loved, which is hard to do. if i can be half of what she is to me, i’ll consider myself a success // @traiinedassassiin

&& MY PARTNER IN MY SLOW DESCENT TO HELL.

sometimes michelle is indistinguishable from john watson. i haven’t told her this yet, but sometimes she says things or does things and i sit back and wonder if that’s why she’s so good at writing him. here’s the thing about john watson: sherlock pulls a lot of bullshit. he does a lot of stupid things, he’s a ridiculous man with mood swings like hell, but john puts up with it. not only does he put up with it, he loves sherlock. and that’s a lot like michelle. i do a lot of ridiculous things. i get anxious for no reason, sad over small things, i have mood swings like hell, but michelle is right there. always calm, always telling me to talk to her about it instead of letting it get all bottled up. michelle is balancing on that thin line between caring and commanding, which can really throw me off sometimes when she tells me to talk to her and yes, i want to, but she’s also very hard to say no to in general. so maybe that’s why i keep writing sin and further cementing my place in hell. it’s here i have to point out that while writing this, michelle saw fit to send me absolute filth from a johnlock fic, so she’s going down with me. but back to my point. michelle is the most patient person i have met. she deals with me at my worst and somehow comes out of it still sane and wanting me around, and i don’t quite think i can express how important that is to me // @julietthotelwhiskey

and a note from the author. i have argued and will continue to argue that roleplaying is about one thing: people. it’s people who like writing, yes, but it’s people. we’ve all fallen into this odd little hobby together, so we may as well make friends. my bias list is short because it’s honest; the people above are people i genuinely care about, and i will continue caring about them as long as they allow me to, or as long as i am meant to, whichever comes last. i have five ( yeah, fuck kacie ) IM conversations open right now. little icons on the side of my dash and i can’t tell you how big my smile is when one of my friends messages me. so let yourself make ridiculously close friends through this dumb little hobby, because knowing that someone cares about you for you is one of the most rewarding things in life, far better than having good graphics or formatting or hell, even being the best writer.

that’s all, folks. <3

[strawbebehmod]

Taboo Part 2 of 2

Part 2: the mistake

Previous chapter: https://strawbebehmod.tumblr.com/post/158627724494/taboo-part-1-of-2

The second part for my fma fanfic for the big brother william au. god this turned out crazy… Sorry for any OOCness. Also, Warning: Blood, Gore, and Sadness.

“You’re planning on doing what now?” Pinako question, adjusting her glasses to look at him in bafflement, “You can’t be serious!”

William looked her dead in the eye from across the table. He hadn’t touched his tea since they began this talk. “I assure you, I’m completely serious,” he said, “The boys need Dad back in their lives. We can’t just keep waiting around for him to return. We don’t even know what’s happened to him. For all we know he could be dead right now!”

“So you’re just going to leave those boys all on their own?” she questioned, narrowing her eyes at him and folding her arms over her chest, “They already feel alone and scared. If you leave it will only make things worse! Can’t you take them with you?”

“I can’t,” William responded, “If dad really is in trouble, and he’s in trouble with the person I think he might be…” William glared at the floor. “…It would be way too dangerous to bring them with. They could die or worse…” he explained, his fists clenching over each other as he rested his chin on his knuckles. “And I wasn’t going to leave them alone,” he said, “That’s why I’m telling you about this.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You want me to look after those boys on top of my own granddaughter while you’re off god knows where?” she asked him.

“I know it’s a lot to ask of you,” he said with a sigh, “But I’m begging you, please help me with this. Just for a little while.”

She stared at him for a moment before sighing and nodding. “Alright. While I still don’t approve of this crazy scheme of yours, I’d be damned if I let those boys live all on their own without anyone to look after them.”

William smiled at her. “You have no idea how grateful I am towards you right now,” he said.

She shrugged in response. “Just make sure you come back quickly,” she said, “I don’t care if you’re right on that man’s tail, if you’re gone for more than a year and a day, you’re going to get more than an earful from me.”

William chuckled. “Duly noted,” he said with a smile before it fell, “Now, I need to tell you some things to be aware of before I go.”

….

A few weeks had passed since that day and William was finally ready to head out. He had warned Pinako to not let them back into the house unless they were being watched as they were there in case they thought about trying the taboo again. They were allowed to have their elementary alchemy books back, however, but only those. Any others found in their possession that weren’t library books were to be confiscated. He also warned her about anyone asking about them. He told her that if comes asking about Hohenheim or about the boys, to pretend not to know Hohenheim and keep them away from that person, to even say there were her son and Sarah’s children instead.

With that taken care of he was all packed and ready to leave, but his brothers weren’t ready to say good bye.

“Please don’t go!” Alphonse practically begged as he clung onto William’s arm, “Is this because of us sneaking into dad’s lab and taking his notes? We’re really sorry! Please don’t leave!” Meanwhile Edward was just glaring angrily at him.

“Alphonse, it’s going to be alright,” he said, “I won’t be gone for long. I promise. You miss dad too, right? Well I’m going to go find him. I’m gonna make sure he comes back and helps me take care of you two.”

“Whatever…” Edward muttered.

William turned to him and frowned. “What was that?” he questioned.

The boy continued to glare at him. “If you’re going to leave, just leave,” he said, hurt clear in his voice although he was trying to cover it with bite, “Go ahead and run off! Have fun frolicing around the country with dad or something.”

“Edward,” he said walking over to him and folding his arms. “I am coming back. I will come back!” he said, “I promise that.”

Edward continued to glare at him, but there was hope and trust in his eyes behind the cold look. “You better!” he warned, “Cause if you don’t, I’ll go after you and kick your ass!”

William smirked before he chuckled and ruffled Edward’s hair. The boy scrunched up his nose in annoyance. “I’d love to see you try pipsqueak!” he joked, causing him to growl, “But don’t worry. I’ll be back.”

“Don’t call me small…” Ed grumbled.

“Oh but this might be my last chance I get!” William joked, “Maybe next time I see you, you’ll finally have hit your growth spurt…though probably not.”

“Shut up!” Ed said, “You’ll see! I’ll be plenty tall once you get back!”

“We’ll see,” William said with a shrug before giving his brother a hug, “See ya soon, squirt. You and Alphonse stay out of trouble, ok? And make sure you listen to Pinako.”

“No promises,” Ed mumbled as he returned the hug.

William smirked as he pulled away. “That’s fine, I’ll just make Alphonse promise,” he responded. He then turned to said brother. “Hey bud,” he said as he gave him a hug, “You two take care of yourself while I’m gone and make sure your brother doesn’t get into too much trouble, alright?”

The little boy nodded as he tightly hugged his brother back. “I’m gonna miss you…” he said.

“I’ll miss you guys too. But don’t worry,” he said, “I’ll be back before you know it. You’ll see.” With that he stood back up and grabbed his suitcase before heading out. “I’ll see you boys later,” he called as he walked away, “Take care!”                          

“You too, Will!” Alphonse called as he waved. Ed just stood there as he watched his older brother leave. As he did so, he frowned. He wanted to believe Will, but he couldn’t help but feel like he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              ��                                                 

….

When William first set off to find Hohenheim, hadn’t a clue of where he could be. However, he did know where he wasn’t or wouldn’t be. He and his father had discussed the general plan before hand. Since he believed she was living in Dublith, he would have stopped there first to get her attention. Then he would move from there and lead her away, moving from town to town, hanging around for a few weeks to make as much “noise” as possible before moving onto the next. So if he caught wind of the man having been in the area, he knew he had to immediately leave and head out to the next town. Soon enough, he would catch up to him. He made very few pit stops along the way, only pausing in his travels a few times when he met up with one of his father’s friends. He stopped in Xenotime and was surprised to find Nash Tringham living there.

….

Nash yawned as he walked to the door. Mentally he dreaded to see who it could be, but at the same time he knew he couldn’t disrespect Mugear by not answering. He’d be feeling the man’s wrath soon enough if that were the case. However, he was pleasantly surprised, and mildly confused, to find another familiar face standing there instead.

“William?” He question.

“Hello, Nash,” he said with a smile, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“14 years…” the man said, staring at the young man as if baffled by his presence, “You haven’t changed a bit…” When they had first, William had said he was 18. He should be in his early thirties by now, and yet he did not look like he had aged a day!

William hid his nerves with a smile and a shrug. “It’s a Hohenheim trait I suppose. We tend to age rather gracefully,” he lied, rubbing the back of his neck and chuckling good naturedly as he did so. “May I come in?” he asked.

Nash hesitated but nodded before opening the door to let him in. Once he had come inside, Nash poured some coffee for the two of them and they began talking. He was surprised to learn all of what had happened to the young man. How he had settled down in Risembool to live with his father, how he had two younger brothers, how his stepmother had passed away, and how he was currently trying to find his father.

“I heard he was in town. Did you see him at all? Did he tell you where he was going?” William asked.

“I did briefly,” Nash said, “But he didn’t tell me where he was going. I’m sorry.”

William frowned. “Oh, thanks anyways,” he said, before taking a sip of his coffee, “So how have you been?”

The man smiled but there was sadness in his eyes. “Oh, could be worse I suppose…” he said, “Currently, I’m trying to research how to make an alchemic amplifier for someone, so at least I’m funded.”

William paused mid sip as a warning signal went off in his head. “Really?” he asked, trying to seem as if nothing was wrong, “For who?”

“A man named Mugear,” he explained, allowing Will to relax slightly, “He owns the town and wants to see if he can bring back the gold mines using alchemy.”

William frowned again. “Nash…” he warned, “You know that’s a serious federal offense. You could get into deep trouble.”

The man sighed. “I know…” he said, “But he’s the only one who will fund me for anything. I’m no state alchemist so if I want to be able to support my sons back home and further my work then I don’t see many other choices…” he then looked down shamefully. “But the truth is, I don’t think I can keep this up much longer. Things are getting out of hand…” he admitted, “He keeps pushing for progress, to be able to mass produce my red water project…” He then looked up at William. “But if I do that the whole town could suffer,” he admitted, “It would involve using a larger water supply among other things, and the only other larger water supply available is the river which is what the townspeople use for drinking water. The gas it gives off is already toxic. If it gets into their drinking supply…”

William nearly did a spit take. He looked at the man in absolute bafflement. Was he serious?! He his grip on his coffee cup tightened in anger, nearly making it crack. He gave the man a  grave look. “Then what the hell are you still doing here?! You need to stop this immediately,” he growled, “Get out of here. Find someone else to patron you or give up entirely.”

Nash blinked in surprise at his forwardness. “Give up?!” he repeated.

“You heard me,” William said, “This shouldn’t even be a debate. It’s not worth it. This sort of thing can’t end well, and you know it. You need to get out while you still can. The man clearly has no moral code if he’s willing to put the whole town at risk. How do you think he’ll treat you once you aren’t of any use to him?” This Mugear guy was reminding him more and more of another person he knew. Thank goodness he wasn’t an alchemist himself. “The town doesn’t need gold. It can find some other way to support itself. Besides, you have sons waiting for you back home, correct?” he continued, “Do you really think you’ll be able to face them knowing you caused the deaths of dozens of people? How do you think they would feel if they ever found that out?”

Nash looked down again. “You’re right…” he said, “I…I should leave…But I still don’t know what to do with my research….” “It could be used for more than just gold. This could really help people…it’s far from any philosopher’s stone but if produced correctly it might even be able to be used to heal illness,” he said.

“What you do with your research is up to you, but you need to get it the hell away from that guy’s grubby hands,” William said, “Completely clean house of anything and everything and don’t leave a single note behind. Trust me. People like him will stop at nothing to get what they want. Even if he can’t do anything with your work himself, he’ll just keep looking for someone more desperate to help him.”

Nash raised his eyebrows in alarm before giving the young man a thoughtful look. “You seem like you’re speaking from experience…” he observed.

William rolled his jaw as he glared at the floor. “You could say that…although my father has had more,” he admitted vaguely, “Let’s just say that I would never want anyone to have the displeasure of meeting the person I am thinking of.” Nash nodded in understanding, worried for the man but not pushing the subject any further. “I have to go,” William said after a minute’s silence, “Thank you for the coffee. And good luck Nash.” With that, the homunculus left to continue on his journey.

…                            

However, when he stopped by Majhal’s residence, he had been completely disgusted by what he discovered.

…

William glowered at the contents of the darkened room in disgust as the realized what was going on. The brass knob of the door began to cave in on itself from the tightness of his grip as his eyes glided over the many human dolls that stared blankly back at him. He had originally come through here because he heard his father had been heading east. He knew Majhal lived here, so he thought he might stop by and see if he had seen his father pass through here recently. The man had told him no, and Will would have just left after that, but something had caught his attention. Young teenage girls had been disappearing from here and the surrounding villages, and there had been the occasional sighting of a woman whom many claimed to have died a long time ago.

This had been a big red flag for William. Missing people and formally dead people just screamed Dante, so he decided to figure out what was going on. Little did he realize that Dante had absolutely nothing to do with this. Instead it was the very alchemist he had come here to speak with.

In hindsight, maybe William should have realized it was him all along. The man had always had an interest in bioachemy, and the normal dolls he created were creepy to begin with. Plus, the man had always pestered his father a little too much about what he was researching. But then again…who would have ever been able to foresee something so horrible?

“I see you’ve found my collection,” a low voice said from behind.

William slowly turned to him, face grim as he glared at him. “So this what you’ve been up to all these years?” He growled, “Sacrificing young girls to make living dolls? Homunculi?” His voice had become louder with every word. “Why?!”he questioned, “What is wrong with you?! This is sick!”

“No, that’s not what these are, though I have attempted human transmutation before,” he said, “I was unfortunately never able to come up with the correct formula.” “And I did this for love,” he argued, “I was lost without my dear sweet Korin. She was the most perfect, most elegant woman this world has ever known. After her death, the hole in my heart that had been left behind would never heal. So I did everything I could to bring her back. When human transmutation failed, I created my own method.” The man smiled proudly. “They are dolls with souls binded to them to give them life,” he said, “Quiet clever isn’t it? Unfortunately, souls don’t really like staying bonded to a foreign body, so there have been several occasions in which some of my dolls have gone rouge and scared the villagers. But my process has been improv-” He was cut off as he was suddenly socked in the jaw by the blond man, sending him careening into a wall.

“SHUT UP!” William roared, “I don’t want to hear another word out of you…you monster! You’re sick Majhal! This isn’t love! None of this is for love! This is nothing more than a disgusting and twisted form of lust!” His fists shook as he spoke. “These are LITTLE GIRLS you’re using to make these messed up toys of yours!” he cried, “You’re taking their souls and forcing them into bodies that aren’t their own to become someone they’re not just to fulfill your sick little reunion fantasy!” “They aren’t going rogue, you bastard, they’re trying to get away from you!” William continued, “I would too if my only other option was to become the toy of a demented, dirty old man like you! You’re going to pay for what you’ve done…You can’t just get away with toying with people’s lives like this!”

“Toying with lives? Don’t you think that’s a little hypocritical?” he questioned, “After all, your ‘father’ did much the same thing in trying to make you, didn’t he?” William froze. What was he talking about? Did he know? “Did you really expect me to believe you haven’t aged at all since I last saw you? I was a young man when we met. Even if you were eighteen, you should be in your early thirties by now, and yet you still look like you just turned twenty. And don’t even try to tell me that eye color of yours is a normal human color,” he said, “Also, I remember Hohenheim had research with him on human transmutation way back when. It’s not hard to piece together. How was what he was doing any different than me, huh? He lost his real son and replaced him with you, didn’t he? And something tells me he had to crack a few eggs to make a perfect transmutation like you.”

William stared at him for a moment, shocked by his words. He tried to respond, but found himself dumbly opening and closing his mouth. In Truth, his father had been trying to replace the son he had lost at first. That was why he ad come into existence. …but he wasn’t just a replacement! He was his own person!…Wasn’t he? He had always carried the memories of the first William in the back of his mind somewhere, and he had willingly taken up the name…but that had been his choice! Hohenheim let him make that choice. “No!” he finally growled slamming the man against the wall, “You don’t get to play head games with me. I’m not just some replacement! I’m my own entity and he understands that.” He then threw him into the room with the dolls, sending him crashing into the table in the center.

William stepped forward towards him. As he did so, Majhal pushed himself to his feet, grabbing a pen off of the dented table. “You’re not going to stop me…” he growled as his pen turned into a sword, “I WILL be reunited with my Korin!” He then charged at William, intending on slashing him in half. William turned his arm into a blade and backed up as the man’s sword connected with it. They fought down the hallway, exchanging parries.

“How?” he demanded, “How can you justify Hohenhiem’s actions in creating you but condemn mine! Regardless of if you really are ‘your own entity’. He lost someone too, did he not? And are you not the result of him trying to bring that person back? You cannot deny he and I are the same!”

William’s blood boiled in rage at his words as their blades clashed again. He looked upon the man with utter hatred and fury. How dare he say that! How dare he even suggest it! He wasn’t…They weren’t…Were they? He growled, rage boiling over. “SHUT UP!” he shouted, thrusting his arm forward, thus stabbing the man in the stomach. William’s eyes widened in shock as the man fell to the ground with a loud resounding thud. The hallway fell silent as the man’s life slipped away.

There was only one thing running through William’s mind at the moment: Well shit. That was unintended…Well, technically it was completely intended, but william had been too fueled by rage to realize what he was doing.

He backed away from the body nervously. To be fair, this wasn’t the first time he’d ended up killing someone (mostly in self defense, mind you. they had to get rid of Dante’s cronies when they came after them somehow) and if he were to be truthful, we would have said the man deserved it…but he certainly did not expect this turn of events.

“Mr Majhal?” a voice called. William looked up in fear. Crap! It was the maid! He couldn’t let her see him. He quickly dashed out of the building and escaped into the woods. As he ran, he couldn’t get rid of this shaken feeling that had overcome him. Majahaal’s words haunted him. Were his father and Majhal really so different? He had to sacrifice people too to make the stone. What was the distinction between the two? And what did this mean for what his brothers had attempted to do? He shuddered as he buried the thought. No. He would not compare them to this man. He let the questions die, but the queasy feeling did not leave his stomach.

…

Those didn’t distract him from his mission for too long, but he did get thrown off by a short red herring in the form of a man named Dr. Marcoh or possibly Maroh depending on the source he got the information from. He had heard the man had been healing people with some kind of red light. He had been quite suspicious when he had heard of this, wondering if he had a connection to their father at all. If had possibly gotten any stone fragments from him.

…

It was a bright sunny day as William approached the apartment. It was only a little after noon as he glanced from the address he was given before looking up to the small apartment. He raised an eyebrow. The place looked like a hovel…though maybe that was just the outside. Well, only one way of finding out. He climbed the steps to the front door before knocking on it. “Hello?” he called, “Doctor Marcoh? You alive in there?” There was no response. He knocked again. “I just have a few questions for you,” he said, “Could you come out for a minute?”

Another momentary silence passed. William huffed before he heard someone shuffling towards the door. He smiled as it opened, and he opened his mouth to introduce himself-

BANG!

Will’s eyes widened and his hands flew into the air as the bullet whizzed past him. He glanced in the direction in which it went before turning back to the one who had fired it in surprise. He raised an eyebrow at the man he saw before him. He was middle aged with black hair. He looked at William positively terrified as he held his gun up, ready to fire.

“Wh-who are you? What do you want?” he demanded, “Are you with the military?! Are you going to try to take me back? Because I’m not going! You can’t make me!”

William stared at the man for a long moment, processing what exactly had just happened. Once he had, he promptly turned on his heels and left. “Nope,” he said, “Not dealing with anymore of this shit.” With that, he left the most likely unstable man behind and continued on his quest elsewhere.

…

Still, he hadn’t managed to waste more than a month on that venture. However, things became more complicated when he reached the big cities. Information was either scarce due to the constant influx of new information over shadowing it or the the sheer amount of gossip making it near impossible to figure out the truth. He spent over two months just trying to figure out where Hohenheim had gone after he had been in East City. It took him even longer once he had made it to Central.

…

William sat in the pub, arms crossed over his chest as he glared down at his map. He had been extremely close on Hohenheim trail before, or at least he thought he had been, but after entering Central he lost it again. William sighed in frustration. He had been at this for almost a year in total, but still had no luck. It was almost like he was harder to find than the philosopher’s stone! He was starting to wonder if Dante had gotten her hands on him or not.

He folded his hands and rested his mouth on them. He could try checking below the city. The ruins were still under there. ‘Course, that might be right where Dante is hiding out, waiting for him. He growled and ran a hand through his hair. This was infuriating and seemed to be getting more and more impossible. Maybe he should just go home…

All of a sudden, two men walked into the bar. Both had black hair, although one was much taller than the other. The taller was wearing glasses and chatting away. He couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he began to make out some of it as they walked up to him and sat down next to him. “Seriously Roy, this has got to be the toughest one yet!” the taller one said, “We keep finding the bodies, but it doesn’t look like the victims are being killed on site. It’s like they’re being transported somehow…”

William raised an eyebrow, glancing over at them. The tall man had several files spread out over the table with photos of different people. William found his eye drawn to them.

The shorter man noticed his interest and raised an eyebrow at him. The taller man with glasses followed his line of sight to William. He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t suppose you recognize any of these individuals, do you?” he asked.

William blinked and looked up. “Oh sorry, no,” he said, “Just naturally nosey. I heard you talking and I got curious. It’s not everyday someone walks into a bar talking about a murder case.”

Maes shrugged. “Sorry, work’s been nuts lately so it’s been bleeding over into what should be my leisure time,” he said, “My name’s Maes Hughes by the way, and this is my friend Roy.” He held out a hand to him.

The homunculus smiled. “William,” he responded, taking his hand and shaking it, “So, you two are in the military, huh? Investigations, I assume?”

“You’re half right,” Maes said, “I’m in investigations. Roy over here is a state alchemist.”

William raised an eyebrow at that. “Is that so?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m a little surprised you didn’t recognize him sooner,” he responded, “He’s a bit famous around here, at least as far as state alchemists go.”

William shrugged. “I’m not exactly from around here so I don’t know much about local celebrities,” he explained.

Both men looked surprised. “Really?” Roy asked, “Where are you from, then?”

“Nowhere really,” he said, “I’ve been traveling most of my life, but I ended up staying in a small village out east for a few years. It’s very small. You probably haven’t heard of it.” Even though he doubted either of these men were connected to Dante, it became a subconscious habit not to say which town he had come from incase word got back to her some how. He wasn’t even sure what the woman or her latest model of henchmen looked like anymore so he had to be cautious.

“I see,” Roy responded, “Is this your first time in Central?”

William pause. Honestly he had lost count of how many times he had been to the capital city, but this was the first time in over half a century he had returned. “I wasn’t here once before,” he said, “But I was much younger then and we were just passing through.”

“Sounds like you need a tour guide!” Maes said, “If you’re still around during the weekend, maybe we can show you the best places here in Central.”

“Thank you, but no thank you,” he said, “I’ve stayed here long enough. I really should be moving on.”

Maes raised an eyebrow. “Really?” he asked, “How long have you been in town?”

“…A few months…” William admitted.

Both men looked surprised. “Months?” Roy repeated, “Why have you been here for so long?”

William chose his words carefully. “I’ve been looking for someone…” he said, “I thought they might be here but I’ve had no luck finding them.”

Maes gave him a sympathetic look while roy had a curious expression. “Sorry to hear that,” he said, “I hope you have better luck here in the future. Who were you looking for?”

“A family member that I haven’t seen in a few years,” he said, “I lost contact with him and I wanted to make sure he was doing ok.”

Maes patted him on the back while Roy continued to analyze him. “I’m sure he’s  alright,” he said, “Have you tried going to the police to find him yet?”

“Not yet,” William said, “Though that’s partially because I’m not sure if he’s been living in Central as of late.”

“Pardon me,” Roy interjected, “This may seem like a strange question…but are you related to Van Hohenheim?”

William froze at that, slowly turning to him. He shifted his body into a more defensive position. How did he know that? “Why are you asking?” he responded.

“Sorry, you just look like him,” he explained, “He had been working for the military for a short time, but then disappeared rather quickly without finishing his research. I was wondering if you knew anything about where he might be.”

“Sorry,” he said taking a sip of his drink, “But I’m afraid I don’t.”

“But you know him, don’t you?” he asked, “Is that who you were looking for here in Central?”

“Nope. Don’t know the man,” he responded, “And even if I did, why would I give information about him to total strangers?”

Roy narrowed his eyes but dropped the subject. He could tell he was lying. He didn’t know why the boy was being so defensive but let him be. “Very well then,” he said, “Thanks anyways.” “So are you an alchemist, William? What do you do for work?” he asked trying to change the subject, “You said that you travel a lot, but you must have something to fund those travels.”

“Afraid not,” William responded, “Just a normal chemist. Can’t draw a circle to save my life. Although I am well versed in the different theories.”

“Oh really?” Roy questioned, “Like what?”

…

William ended up spending a few hours chatting away with the two men. It was really quiet fun. He hadn’t really had anyone to talk about the science with besides Edward and Alphonse, but talking to his brothers about it was different. In that situation, he was acting as a teacher, having to explain things or critique them, even though those two learned really quickly and were really starting to catch up. It was almost frightening at their age. This was different. In this case, he was conversing with someone a bit closer to his experience, arguing about what variety of symbols produced the best percent yields in a reaction, stories about their experiences learning about alchemy (Although William’s weren’t nearly so entertaining as he couldn’t draw from the memories of the past William for obvious reasons). Roy’s stories of literally explosive trial and error while perfecting flame alchemy left him in stitches. And this Maes Hughes man, although not an alchemist himself, contributed some of his own misadventures, along with stories of his new spouse he had married a little over half a year prior.

Eventually, they had to part ways. William began heading down the street towards his hotel. He was thinking about just packing up and heading out west. His father seemed to be moving in a giant circle from what he can tell. Either way, he couldn’t waste any more time in Central.

William walked down the darkened streets alone, with only the light of the street lamps as his companion. Every so often a car would come zooming by. One particular one had been swerving a little as it did so. William raised an eyebrow. Something told him the driver wasn’t exactly sober, but it was late on a Friday night in a big city. He should be more surprised if there wasn’t at least one drunk driver on the road. It passed by him and his walk fell into silence again until he heard the screeching of car tires and a loud THUNK!

William paused in his pace, nearly jumping at the noise. His shock at the sound was momentary as he quickly realized what the noise was. Someone had gotten hit. He ran down the street as fast as he could to see what had happened. He made it just in time to see the car speed away, leaving the victim sprawled on the ground in the middle of the crosswalk. William glared at the car before running up to the body lying on the ground. The victim appeared to be a teenage girl, dressed in a black, thin-strapped tank top and baggy shorts that came down to her knees and clung to them, as well as what appeared to be padded fingerless gloves and slip on shoes. She had medium length black hair up in a ponytail, aside from a few stubborn bangs that hung over the side of her face, masking it from him.

He grimaced at what he saw of her. Her thin, body had been crushed by the speeding car, her blood and insides spilling out onto the concrete. The poor girl. There was no getting up from this one. He bit his lip. He had no idea who she even was. She didn’t have any bags with her, thus probably no ID. He should probably at least get her off the street and call the police though. He spotted a phone booth across the street. Perfect. He grabbed her arms, lifting her slightly…but quickly stopped and dropped her when he saw a very interesting tattoo on her right shoulder. It was the image of a snake eating its own tail. Uh Oh. He backed away as he saw the red alchemic light engulf her and stitch up her wounds. She slowly picked herself up and turned to him while cracking her back back into place.

“You just had to try and help me, didn’t you?” she said before shaking her head. “Stupid human. You would have known I was dead the moment you set foot on the crosswalk, yet you still felt the need to come to my aid,” she sneered, giving him an annoyed look, “Now look what you’ve done! I can’t just let you go wandering around after you’ve seen what you’ve seen! Now I gotta make sure you can’t tell anyone.” She then pulled off one of her gloves. There was a hissing noise as her exposed palm was met with the humid air and wisps of vapor came off of it. Something dripped from it and began burning holes into the concrete as it met the ground. “Alright,” she said with a sigh, walking towards him, “Let’s just make this quick. I have somewhere important I need to be.”

She lunged for him, palm outstretched. He ducked beneath her arm, narrowly dodging the drops of the corrosive liquid that came off of her palm. He twisted around her, before kicking her in the back and running down the street as fast as he could. He could have fought the homunculus girl. He might have even been able to win. However, She hadn’t realized he wasn’t human, and seeing as she was quite obviously in cahoots with Dante, he’d rather keep it that way.

He glanced over his shoulder and cursed as he saw her chasing after him. He quickly turned into an alleyway and shifted into a mouse to escape her. The other homunculus ran into the alley and looked around for him wildly. “Where did he go…” she growled. She began throwing trashcans aside to try and find anything hiding in them. William watched her from afar, safely tucked away inside of a small hole in the wall. He knew he should get out of here but he was still morbidly curious as to what exactly she was doing here. Was Dante in Central? And if so, for what reason? Was she trying to find something in the ruins below that had been left behind?

All of a sudden, he heard the clicking of heels. Both he and the other homunculus looked down the hall where he saw a woman in a long black dress and with wavy black hair standing. William narrowed his eyes at her. Was she Dante? However, he quickly spotted the Tattoo on her chest and realized with relief that wasn’t the case. She was just another one of the witch’s goons. “Envy, what are you doing rooting around in the garbage?” she questioned in annoyance, crossing her arms over each other. Her voice was low and feminine. William made sure to remember what she sounded like incase he encountered her again.

He then looked towards the teenage homunculus. So this was the new Envy. What was it with the old hag and naming all of her minions after sins? Seriously, could she be any more melodramatic? He didn’t even get half of them. The last Sloth he remembered looking like a bodybuilder and he took forever to take down. How was he sloth?! He was distracted from his thoughts as the homunculi continued their conversation.

“I wasn’t rooting through anything! A human slipped away from me,” she grumbled, “He saw me heal myself and then slipped away in this alley. I have no clue where he went.”

The other woman looked surprised before growling. “Damnit…” she hissed, “I’m afraid we don’t have time to deal with that right now. I just got a message from Pride that Dante wants us to head back East.” “What? Why?” Envy questioned raising an eyebrow. William did the same. What were they planning?

“She apparently discovered something,” she said, “Hohenheim may have settled in a small town called Resiembool. She heard about two boys from her former student’s employee when he…” William had stopped listening at that point. His whole world seemed to freeze in that instant. This was bad. So very very bad! No wait, this wasn’t bad, it was downright terrifying.  She found out about them. She had figured out who they were and where they were living. How long did she know? Had she visited at some point without him even realizing? How long did he have until she decided to do something terrible to them? Not long enough to be able to ask that question that was for sure! He had to get home as soon as possible. He had to make sure they were safe. Still in his tiny mouse form, he ran out of the alley as fast as he could without either of the homunculi noticing. He scurried down a few blocks before shape shifting into a crow and taking off. He flew as fast as he could, inwardly panicking the entire time. Damnit, this whole mission was a mistake! He should never have left them vulnerable like that. He hoped they were alright. He hoped he would make it in time. That was out of his hands, unfortunately. All he could do was keep flying.

…

William had flown home as fast as he could, not resting for a minute as he did so. It had taken him two days to get there and at least an hour and a half of which was in a rainstorm, but he’d still managed to make it back to Risembool. He couldn’t let those monsters get to them. He couldn’t lose them too!

He crashed onto a hill before shape shifting back into his human form. He lay there on the ground for a moment, panting in exhaustion. He had never spent so much time flying before in his life. He was soaked to the bone from the rain and he felt like just lying there for a moment while his stones rejuvenated himself. As he did so, he glanced over his side to see if he could see the Rockbell house from here. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Instead, to his horror, he saw his own home, now shining an unearthly, bright, light purple light. William sat straight up, heart beating like a drum again. What the hell?! What was going on?! Why was their house glowing?! There was only one answer, and he felt his blood flash between running cold and boiling so many times, he was sure something was bound to rupture. Those idiots! Did they even have half a brain between them?! He told them never to touch those books again! They could get themselves killed!

…Oh god they could get themselves killed! They could be dying right now! What if the gate took something really important like their hearts? That thought caused another adrenaline rush of panic as he lept to his feet, running as fast as his legs could carry him across the field and up the hill to the house. The light had died when he had gotten to the house, but he had heard a scream come from it as he had gotten closer. Edward’s scream.

William forced the door open, and looked around the house wildly. “ED! AL!” he cried desperately. Where could they be? Where could they be? Why hadn’t they responded when he had called? He prayed to whatever divine entity there may be out there that they were still alive. They had to be. He needed them to be alive.

He heard some sort of noise come from the basement. It sounded like Alphonse’s voice. William immediately bolted in the direction of the door and tore the locked door off its hinges, not even caring whether it had been locked or not before at all. “EDWARD! ALPHONSE!” he called as he ran down the stairs into the dimly lit basement. Smoke filled the room and he couldn’t see what had happened until he reached halfway down the stairs. Once he had, he stopped and time seemed to do so with him. The first thing he saw was the homunculus they had created. It lay there, wheezing as desperately tried to cling to its painful existence. William stood there, looking upon it for a moment in pity and sorrow. It hadn’t asked to be created. It hadn’t asked to be born into such pain. Yet here it was. His brothers had created it to try and selfishly replace their mother…

He felt a twinge of anger in his chest as he forced himself to look away from it. When he did, his eyes fell on the older of the two boys and his anger immediately dissipated. His jaw fell open and he nearly screamed in horror as he saw the state of the boy. He was lying on the ground, bloody and crumpled as he lay next to a suit of armor. The boy looked up at him in surprise, visible tears in his eyes. “EDWARD!” William shouted, running over to him and scooping him up. “Edward…” he breath, about ready to cry. He felt lighter than he had been, why did he feel lighter?! His stomach twisted and he almost threw up as he noticed the boy’s right arm and left leg were gone.

“W-will?” the boy said, staring up at him in disbelief, “Y-you came back…You’re alive…”

“Of course I came back!” he shouted at him, “I told you I would! Just like I told you not to do…THIS!” He gestured to the transmutation circle. “Why?! Why did you do this?! What were you thinking?!” he snapped, tears now streaming down his own face. He knew why they had done it. He should have realized this would have happened from the beginning. In fact, he was more angry with himself at the moment than the two boys. Angry at himself, his father for leaving, Dante for being the root of the problem, and the world for letting this happen but he couldn’t keep it bottled up. “I told you…I told you not to and now look at you…” he continued as he clutched the boy close to his chest, a small comfort for Edward amid the pain, “I was supposed to protect you, Damn it!…but you’re in pieces! You and Alphonse…” He froze as he realized he hadn’t seen what state Alphonse was in. He turned around, desperately swiveling his head from side to side, becoming more fearful by the second. Alphonse was nowhere to be seen. “Ed…” William said, voice shaking, “Ed where is Alphonse? Where is he-” He stopped short as his eyes fell on a spot. All that he could see was a small pile of clothing lying a small distance away. It felt like someone had speared him through the heart.  His youngest brother…he was…he was….

“Will?” A tiny voice called from behind them. William turned to see the suit of armor. He gave a confused look before realization dawned on him. “Alphonse?” he questioned quietly, “Alphonse what-”

“It took him…” Ed admitted weakly, still clutching his bleeding arm, “the gate, it took him, but I couldn’t lose him too…So I gave up my arm to anchor him…”

“You opened it a second time?!” William questioned in surprise.

“I couldn’t…I couldn’t…” Edward said weakly, face half pressed against his older brother’s shoulders as tears still clung to his ducts, “It’s my fault…I’m sorry…” His eyes started sliding closed, causing William to panic.

“No, no, no!” William said, shaking him slightly, “Don’t do this Edward! Edward! You have to stay awake, Pipsqueak!” The boy was too out of it to even give a response. William felt his heart starting to pound again. He then turned to his youngest brother. “Alphonse, come on!” he said, “He’s lost too much blood! We’ve got to get him to the Rockbells!” Alphonse looked at him in surprise for a moment before nodding. The two got up, Alphonse a little wobbly on his new pair of legs, but still they were able to get up the stairs. As they passed by the homunculus in the circle, it reached out to them almost longingly. William paused slightly as it did so, locking eyes with it for a moment. He could see the pain and confusion in its eyes as it looked at him almost pleadingly. He wrenched his gaze away as they headed up the stairs and ran out the door, it slamming shut behind them as they charged across the hills in the rain.

…

It had been a long time since Pinako was last awoken in the middle of the night by banging on her door. So it was no surprise that she had been startled and confused when the loud banging rang through the house. As she got to the door, it became louder and more urgent. She frowned. Who on Earth could that be? Was William finally home? But then why would he be pounding on the door like that….

She found out why when she opened the door, she was shocked by what she had found.

Her jaw fell open as she saw William standing there, covered in blood and clutching Edward to his chest with a suit of armor standing behind him. She could barely comprehend what she was seeing. She had sent the boys to bed hours ago! Why was Edward now lying passed out in William’s arms?

“William? What is-” she started, but was cut off by the homunculus pushing past her.

“No time to explain!” He shouted, “Ed needs your operating room! Stat!”

“I can see that, but what happened?” the older woman questioned as she went to get her medical tools and an IV, “I put the boy and his brother to bed hours ago! How did he get like this? And who is the man in the armor?”

William’s shoulders shifted and he turned to look over his shoulder at Pinako as he continued to keep pressure on Ed’s arm and leg. He then turned to the suit of armor. “Are you telling me you snuck out in the middle of the night to do this?” he demanded, “Wait, what am I saying? Of course you did. Pinako wouldn’t have let you out of her sight if she knew what you were up too.”

Alphonse looked down shamefully.  “We’re sorry…We’re so sorry…we just…” his voice cracked in pain as if he were crying, “W-we thought you were gone for good. We thought we were all alone and…” “Please don’t hate us, big brother!” he cried.

Williams heart clenched at those words. He was still a little angry, but he couldn’t help but feel awful at those words. His mind was drawn back to when Edward was still little. He had woken Will up about a nightmare where he had dreamt he and Alphonse had been left alone. He wanted to smack himself in his own stupidity. He had made that damn nightmare come true…and he had promised he would always be there for them! God why was he such an idiot?! He didn’t have time to berate himself as Pinako suddenly spoke up.

“Wait a minute…Alphonse?” she said as she paused in approaching the operating table after having washed her hands, “Is that you?! What on Earth happened to you?!”

“We…I…”he started, “We…We tried to bring back mom…but it didn’t work, and now I’m stuck as…this…” Pinako turned to him in surprise as she started working on Edward.

“WHAT?!” Pinako cried, “Are you insane? You knew that was forbidden!”

Alphonse whimpered. “I’m-I’m sorry…” he said quietly, looking down, “I’m so sorry.”

She sighed as she cleaned Ed’s wounds and began stitching him up. “Well what’s done is done. You boys are going to have to live with this mistake…” she muttered bitterly, “William, get the IV set up!”

The homunculus did as he was commanded, although his hands were shaking slightly, and he nearly dropped the IV. He couldn’t help it. He was mere minutes away from having a total melt down. The only thing that was keeping him at bay was reminding himself he had to keep Edward alive. After he had managed to set it up without accidentally destroying the bag, a voice rang through the air.

“Grandma?” It called, “Grandma? Is that you? What’s going…” It trailed off as William looked up to see Winry standing there, eyes wide with horror. “W-william?! Ed?!” she cried, looking from him and his blood soaked clothing to the boy on the operating table missing half his limbs, “Wh-what is…What is this?! What happened?! What is going on?!”

“Winry…” Alphonse started, causing her to direct her attention onto him. “Who is he?!” She demanded.

“William,” Pinako said, “Why don’t you and Alphonse tell Winry what’s going on and then take a break in the living room. I can handle things from here.” William looked down at Edward, biting his lip for a moment before looking up and nodding.

…

Envy dashed through the woods, splashing through the puddles carelessly as she did so. Every once and awhile she would turn back to see Lust trailing behind her. “Come on! Jeez! You lumber around more than Sloth used to,” she sneered.

Lust glared at the older homunculus from under her umbrella. She hadn’t met the former Sloth, though she assumed they probably met the same fate as the last Wrath, but she had a good idea of what exactly she had meant.

“Some of us care about not tripping and falling face first into the mud like a fool,” Lust grumbled back, “As I’m sure you’ve noticed, the rain out here is torrential. I’m surprised a mud slide hasn’t happened yet.”

“Well some of us aren’t klutzes and don’t have to worry,” Envy sneered back, “nor are some of us constantly walking around in heels.” Lust glared at her. “Now where’s Gluttony? He didn’t get distracted by another drowned rat did he?” Envy questioned. As if on cue, the portly homunculus came waddling into the clearing. He was covered in mud from head to toe.

“Gluttony, you’re a mess,” Lust noted, “What happened?”

“I slipped and fell into the river…” he said, looking down.

Envy smirked while Lust shook her head. “We’ll get you cleaned up once we’re out of this forest,” Lust said, wiping some mud off of his face.

“Yeah, come on, slowpokes,” Envy said, hopping onto a tree branch, “Lady Dante isn’t going to be happy with us if we’re late.” The athletically built homunculus then began jumping from branch to branch until she disappeared into the distance. Lust frowned but the two followed after the trail of corrosion she had left behind from where her hands had touched the bark.

They all made it up the hill and out of the woods to a quaint little country home. There they found the old woman waiting for them, umbrella in hand. She glanced away from the house towards them before looking back. “It appears you three took your time,” she noted, “Do I even want to know what sort of misadventure Gluttony got himself into?”

“My apologies Lady Dante,” Envy said bowing slightly, “I would have gotten here sooner, but these two couldn’t keep up the pace.”

Dante glanced at the other two homunculi. “I see,” she responded, “Well you’re here now. Search the house. If you find the boys do try to at least bring one of them back alive. That means do try to keep your powers in check.”

Envy looked away shamefully for a moment before nodding. With that, the three entered the house with Dante following after them. She watched them from the entryway as they searched the different rooms. She had heard mention of these two boys from her former student. From what she described of them, there was a high chance they were Hohenheim’s sons. And if they were, they could be of use to her to lure him in. If they weren’t…well she supposed she could find some use for them. At the very least they would make a good snack for Gluttony. However, as they searched the house, they found neither hide nor hare of them. Envy was starting to get frustrated. Where were those little imps?! She stomped downstairs as she became more annoyed. All of a sudden she heard a moan come from around the corner. She raised an eyebrow before turning the corner to find a entryway leading down stairs. It looked like there had been a door there, but now it was gone. She walked down the steps into the darkened room where she saw something moving, but it was too dark to see what. “Hey!” she called, “I think I found something!”

She heard the click of heels as both Lust and Dante herself walked up behind her. “What is it?” the old woman questioned.

“There’s something alive down there…or at least I think so,” she explained.

“Well what are you waiting for then? Go see what it is,” she waved her hand in an annoyed fashion to shoe the artificial human downstairs. The homunculus did as she was told and the two other women followed after her down the steps, dante holding a lantern. When they made it down stairs, they did indeed see something moving in the center of the room. Dante moved forward, casting light over the figure only to discover a horribly disfigured, barely human form.

Anyone else might back away in disgust or even scream run, but Dante did not move or shout. Instead, a small smile stretched across her face. “Well, isn’t this an interesting discovery!” she mused, kneeling down next to it, “We may not have found those boys, but at least our little trip wasn’t a waste.”

…..

William slumped into his chair, covering his face with his hands. He had just finished explaining to Winry what had happened. The girl had been so worried about Ed, she rushed in to see if she could help her grandma in any way. This left him to his thoughts, which was the last possible place he wanted to be.

His body wracked with tremors and his breathing had become sharp, heavy, and quicker in pace as the storm that had been brewing in his mind had swirled into a raging maelstrom. On one hand, he was completely shaken by the near death of his brothers. They had nearly died. Hell, Alphonse wasn’t technically a ghost possessing a suit of armor now! He couldn’t even express how terrifying it felt to see Edward lying on the floor like that, bleeding his life away. Even now the thought of almost having almost lost them made him want to break down. But the thing was, they weren’t even safe now. They were broken, shattered. Ed had lost his left leg and right arm. Even if he got automail, which would be a horribly painful procedure, he’d never be able to erase the trauma of going through that. Of having his limbs literally ripped from him. Alphonse was not much better off. He didn’t even have his body anymore! How awful must he feel? Could he even feel at all? He probably couldn’t eat any more, that was for sure…and the worse part was, it felt like it was all his fault. If he hadn’t set out on this stupid quest…If he had just sucked it up and stayed home, maybe they would be alright. But no. He had to selfishly go off and chase after his father, in doing so, breaking his promise to Trisha. His shoulders shook as he realized this, his body wracked with guilt. He had betrayed her. He had betrayed her dying wish…What sort of a person does that kind of thing? He wiped his eyes with his arm before looking down at his hands, which were now smeared with large brownish red splotches. Edward’s blood.

He sighed as he squeezed his eyes shut and curled in on himself, cradling his face with those hands. He felt like the lowest creature in the world at the moment. But another part of him, a part he didn’t want to think about…was felt furious and betrayed by them. They attempted to play god, even after he told them not to. He had told them that what they had created wouldn’t be there mother, but they hadn’t listened…or maybe, they just didn’t care. Maybe they just wanted something to fill her place and didn’t care what it was so long as it fit the bill. If they had actually managed to create a fully formed homunculus, what would they have done? Would they have understood that it wasn’t their mother? That they couldn’t just force her role in their life on it? And if they didn’t have to pay the toll they did, would they have just kept trying…Like Majhal?

He shuddered at the thought. No. His brothers were nothing like that man. But humans have always been selfish creatures…had he been right? Were their actions really that? He didn’t want to think about that but the thought wouldn’t leave. Rage classed with guilt inside him. There were so many swirling thoughts in his head, but one big question persisted at the forefront of his mind: Why? Why did it have to come to this? Why couldn’t they be rid of the shadows of the past and live a normal life for once like anyone else? Why did the world feel the need to keep taking from him? What did he ever do to deserve this? Sure he had never been a perfect person, but no one ever was. How was any of this equivalent? The homunculus sobbed quietly, furious with the world and everything around him. He felt like he could scream. If he was so much as touched he felt like he could explode.

“Brother?” a small voice said.

He looked up, eyes still seething as they fell upon Alphonse, but after a few seconds it dissipated. “Yes?” he responded, “What is it?”

The suit looked down for a moment. Will couldn’t quite read his emotions but he knew something was troubling the boy. ”I’m…I’m…” he started, not making eye contact, “We’re sorry. We’re so sorry!” The boy’s voice cracked as he spoke. “We were being so stupid and just…” he continued crumpling to his knees as he began to audibly cry, “We should have listened. We should have waited for you to come home…We were just so scared and alone…We’re so sorry!” William’s eyes softened as he got off of his chair and knelt before the boy in the suit. His heart melted at those words. He was never able to stay mad at Alphonse for long even now after what they had done. He placed a hand comfortingly on the side of Al’s shoulder piece. “Do…Do you…hate us now?” the boy asked.

William was taken aback by this. “Hate you?” he repeated, “No Alphonse, of course not! How could I hate you?”

“But we performed the taboo!” he argued, “We tried to create life, even after you told us not to! We…We did something absolutely horrible. And we put you through so much grief for it. Look at us! Look what we did!”

William sighed as Alphonse’s words tugged on his heartstrings. He sighed before pulling his little brother into a hug. “It’s alright Alphonse,” he said, “It’s ok. It’s not like you’re the first people to have ever done this. Hell, I wouldn’t be here otherwise!” He tried to joke but not even he would laugh at it. “It’s going to be ok,” he said, “I’ll figure something out…Don’t you worry.” He patted Alphonse’s head to try and make him feel better. The boy couldn’t feel it but the resounding sound of it did provide him some comfort.

A few seconds passed before the boy spoke again. “Brother?” He asked, “Please don’t leave again…Please…”

William grimaced as he felt a pang of guilt but nodded. “I won’t. I promise,” he responded resolutely. There was no way in hell he was going to leave these two alone again. He stayed with his sibling for a good twenty minutes, just sitting there with him. It was the first relaxed moment he’d had in a long time.

Unfortunately, it didn’t last long enough, as he soon remembered that the homunculus his brother’s created was still in the basement. His eyes widened and he cursed as he remembered this.

“Brother?” Al questioned, “Brother, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry Al,” he said getting up, “I’ll be right back. I just need to check something up at the house real quick.”

“What do you need to check?” he asked, “Do you want me to come with-”

“No!” William stated firmly, causing the boy in the suit to flinch and William to sigh. “Sorry, didn’t mean to snap,” he said more calmly, “You just need to stay here and relax. You’ve been through a lot. Just let me take care of this.” He smiled at him reassuringly.

Alphonse gave him a long, hard look. William didn’t know if he believed him or not until the boy spoke again. “Ok…”his brother responded, “Be careful out there.”

William smiled back. “Don’t worry. I will!” he then got up and started heading for the back door, “see you in a bit.” With that, he headed out the door, his smile falling as he did so. He immediately went to the tool shed and pulled out a shovel before heading up the hill towards the house. He was silent as he slowly made his way up, dreading what he’d have to do. He didn’t want to do it. It was an innocent creature. It probably didn’t even realize what it was yet. But he had no choice. They couldn’t care for it. They didn’t have any fragments of the philosopher’s stone anymore. If they kept it, it would live on in pure agony. That wouldn’t be any kind of life for the poor creature. And he couldn’t just leave it in the wilderness for nature to take care of. There could be a chance that she might find it, and beyond how bad that would be for him and his brothers, that fate was one worse than death. So in a way, this was a kindness. Besides, if she found it, William would probably have to kill it anyways someday, like a few of the other minions of  hers he’s encountered over the years.

None of those thoughts seemed to ease the sickening feeling forming in his stomach, but that didn’t stop him. He kept pressing forward. This had to be done. There was no other way around it. He had to put the homunculus out of its misery.

He eventually made it to the house and only hesitated slightly before entering. He made a quick detour to the fireplace to pick up the axe before heading to the entryway to where the basement was. He stared at it for a good minute in a half before swallowing and marching downstairs. “This is your burden,” he told himself, “You didn’t stop them when you had the chance. Now you have to end it before things get any worse.” He readied himself for when he reached the bottom step, but nothing could prepare him for what he found: an empty room. He dropped the axe as he felt cold terror consume him. Where was it?! Where had it gone?! He began to panic as he searched for it, although deep down he knew it was futile. He knew exactly why it was gone. He felt sick as pressed a hand against a wall to support himself. He couldn’t even begin to describe his emotions as fear and anger swirled together making his stomach turn sour. She had been here. She knew the boys were here. She snuck in and taken their creation without them realizing she was there until it was too late. His hand balled into a fist. Had she known this was going to happen? Or was there another reason why she was there? He glanced over to the bookshelf on the far side of the room. He ran over there and began counting the books. To his relief, nothing was missing, but the shelves were definitely disorganized now. She probably hadn’t found anything of use to her. He breathed a sigh of relief at that, but immediately crumpled to the floor afterwards clutching his head. She had been here. Without him even knowing…

Had she? There was a hopeful portion of himself that was in denial. Hoping desperately that he was wrong. Maybe the books were disorganized because of Ed and Al. Maybe the thing had managed to crawl out of the house some how and into the woods. They had left it for over an hour, so it might be possible…Maybe? Despite how much he wished that was the truth, an overwhelming part of him knew what really happened. His heart filled with dread as he could only imagine what she was planning to do with it…

[citrusy-fangirl]

incoherent pile o’ thoughts about TGF 1x09

(Hi.  This is the person formerly known as citrusyfangirl.  I now have a TGW/TGF-themed sideblog-to-my-main-blog and it has a hyphen and I won’t be using citrusyfangirl anymore.  Follow here for run-of-the-mill thoughts on The Good Fight and related media.)  Some scattered thoughts on TGF 1x09:

-I posted before the episode that I didn’t know how a Colin Sweeney episode was going to work without Alicia.  And IMO, it kinda didn’t.  I needed there to be a real reason that Alicia wouldn’t be dealing with this, and the half-sentence brushoff of “Alicia said she couldn’t handle my case” didn’t feel like there was any actual backstory behind it, it felt like the writers wanted a Colin Sweeney episode on TGF and didn’t even bother making up a character- and/or plot-based excuse for why he should be there.  Was it some technicality of the law, some sort of conflict?  Has Alicia moved into a different place in her life and decided she doesn’t need Colin Sweeney’s bullshit anymore?  It sounds like she’s dealing with some cases, just not this one, so why not?  As much as I want them, those aren’t necessarily answers I need from the show, but what I do need is consistency in the portrayal of Colin Sweeney, and that would have involved a *lot* more references to Alicia – hurt/confusion/indignation that she won’t represent him anymore, constant comparisons of the RBK lawyers to her whenever they displease him (come on, he threatens to leave for another firm at one point and he doesn’t say “I’m going to call Alicia again, I think this is nonsense” or whatever?), trying the typical weird flirty stuff but it’s just not the same with these new lawyers.  This show is causing problems for itself by wanting Alicia to be a notable presence in the periphery of the show, so she gets mentioned a lot for a character who’s never shown, but they’re refusing to let her edge any closer to the spotlight and thus they are forced not to give us any actual information about where she is and what she’s doing.  It winds up driving the other characters OOC – Lucca not turning to Alicia when dealing with her own confusion over how to handle a romantic partner embroiled in politics, for example, and now Colin Sweeney basically being all “welp, them’s the breaks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” when Alicia, with whom he has had a weird creepy obsession for seven years, suddenly won’t take his case.  I don’t know.  I think they could have handled it better.  To me Colin Sweeney is not the same when he’s not playing off Alicia.

-The rhythms and cadences of how Starkey’s quirkiness was written were a little too reminiscent of Elsbeth IMO (it’s hard for me not to get caught up in how frequently this show is recycling material) but at least Jane Lynch played her very differently, and the lying-about-husbands-and-probably-about-painters-to-construct-a-useful-interrogation-persona thing worked for me.  I liked Lucca as Maia’s lawyer (though where, indeed, is Yesha?) but everything about the *content* of that proffer session fell flat for me.  How the hell is Maia supposed to remember which gyno appointments she had on which dates nine years ago?  Unless you have, like, a very specific type of autism or something that’s not how the human mind works.  I understand that Starkey wasn’t actually interested in getting real information, she just wanted to catch Maia out in a lie so she could go ahead and prosecute, but then why schedule a goddamn proffer session?  The only information you took out of that is that Maia can’t remember the exact dates that her mom took her to doctors’ appointments a decade ago and that she may have had some peripheral, indirect knowledge that her parents were engaged in something shady.  You knew all that before the “proffer session”!  The entire session consisted of you asking Maia only-vaguely-relevant questions she could not possibly be reasonably expected to have full and coherent answers to, waiting for her to answer incorrectly/confusedly, and then giving her the real answers!  You didn’t need to spend your day doing that! Just issue a subpoena or whatever from the get-go and then spend the rest of the day researching the cost and logistics of installing tinted windows in your office to cut down on the dead birds smearing themselves across the glass behind you! How is that not a better idea!

-I guess I liked the memory pops and the way they were handled (LOVED the way she saw Amy in her memory) – the way they showed us how comfortable she used to be in her rich, comfortable life and how little incentive she had to rock the boat when she began to see clues that her parents were sketch city.  I don’t think it would even have occurred to her to rock the boat; she’s smart but she’s not someone who Has To Know, not someone who can’t rest until she’s put the pieces together, and I was glad to see that established/reaffirmed here.  (I want to see more of what Amy is thinking about all this.  She’s the one who bothered to formulate the question “Is something wrong with the fund?”  Is she a Has-To-Know person?  How does that work between the two of them?) I liked the unreliability of Maia’s memory and how suggestible she was; Starkey would tell her something happened and she’d construct a memory of it that was probably a composite of several different things that happened at different times. That felt real enough to me, even if the stupid pointless questions Starkey was asking didn’t.  

-All in all this episode was trying to raise the stakes by having Maia’s growing self-awareness (“oh my God, I knew something was wrong all along”) happen concurrently with/as a result of a high-stakes interview that ends in a formal declaration that she will be prosecuted.  But they didn’t manage to make the interview make all that much sense, so it feels like they’re shoehorning character development into a sloppily-written plot.  This is better than no character development but not as good as good character development.

-Side note: I do not ship Diane and Adrian.  Maybe I’m wistful for the old days of Will/Diane friendship, but I would like to have a strong collegial friendship/partnership at the center of the show, not a romantic mess.  (I also just want to erase this bullshit plot where Kurt cheated on Diane in violation of EVERYTHING WE EVER KNEW ABOUT HIS CHARACTER and have McHart be the best ever again, but I suppose that won’t happen.) When Adrian asked Diane to go out to dinner sometime I wanted so badly for it to be a friendly thing that initially I convinced myself it actually was.  That doesn’t even make any sense, and yet I still want that.  Guys, you have to work together!  Don’t fuck this up, please!

-Other side note, prompted by Lucca’s performance as Maia’s lawyer: more badass Lucca, show.  You can’t give me too much badass Lucca.  True, I will never stop yearning after badass Kalinda, and Lucca will never be Kalinda (which, don’t get me wrong, is good); she’s just great in her own right and I want more of that.  Lose the stupid Robert-King-classic kinky sex with Colin Wonder Bread and stick to Lucca slaying.  Can’t go wrong there. -ALSO, while I didn’t like the awkwardness of the judge not being able to get up the ramp (why is the grade on the ramp illegally steep in a *courthouse*? How many lawyers are fighting for this case now?) I did like seeing him again, as last we saw him he was giving a thoroughly unimpressed face to Louis Canning as Canning tried to commiserate over disability. I think he’s kinda great. But I always like the competent judges who don’t have a shtick. Just don’t make “being in a wheelchair” a shtick, show. You’re riding close to the edge now. -Last side note, I spent a fair amount of time laughing at this episode, and in places where I was actually supposed to laugh, so that’s a plus. 

I probably have more thoughts about some other more minor things that happened but I think those are the main things.  Thoughts, anybody else?

[chwrpg]

Welcome to CHW, Ellie!

A NOTE FROM ADMIN R: I adored this application. Talk about a job greatly done, you have definitely taken Chanel and expanded on her to the point that I have no doubts that you’re going to do her so much justice. As for your request for an faceclaim change, we will be accepting it but we do prefer that Chanel keeps the name that she has. 

OOC NAME/ALIAS, PREFERRED PRONOUNS, AGE & TIMEZONE: 

ellie, she/her, 23 & mst. 

DESIRED CHARACTER:

chanel horowitz

HOW ACTIVE WILL YOU BE?

seven — i’m currently working full time but i should be around for a few hours at least on most days unless i’m dead tired. 

DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER:

i’d compare chanel to an onion but that would be a grave mistake. not because it’s not true but because chanel would probably scream bloody murder and be extremely offended. she’d much rather be compared to the versatile collections of alexander mcqueen. but whatever the metaphor may be, the truth is that this girl has an endless number of layers to her. at first glance, chanel’s nothing more than just another socialite. vain, selfish, and air headed. she has nothing more than her daddy’s credit card to offer to the world. she doesn’t really do any harm but she doesn’t do any good either. her days spent by the pool or at the mall, living the life ‘she was born to live’ thanks to her daddy’s wealth. which, she is, but that doesn’t mean that’s the only thing she is. as self observed as she is, she does care about others and wants the best for those she cares about. take taissa for example. someone chanel took under her wing, wanting to help her out and teaching her ‘the ways of life’ or at least the social hierarchy. to be popular and beautiful, admired and envied by others — that’s what she wanted for her. shallow? maybe. out of the goodness of her heart? definitely. chanel’s priorities may not be in order but her intentions for the most part are usually noble. maybe there’s something in it for her at times but that doesn’t mean she’s not helping out someone else. 

she’s smart. not like elle woods smart but pretty darn close. her entire life she’s spent just cruising by in school because academics have never been her thing but if you were to look at her test scores and grades, she falls in the average section without even trying. instead of putting her time and effort into studying and trying to get better grades, she spent her time in high school trying to argue her way to getting a higher grade. which worked, because as ditzy as chanel may be, she’s not in any way stupid. her focus being half in the clouds and the other half retaining information she knows she may need but isn’t fully interested in. current events boring her, preferring to catch up on the latest celebrity gossip than on whatever’s going on with politics. her father wanting more from her, adding unnecessary pressure that could cause premature wrinkling. which would be a major faux-pas because the last thing she needs is to start worrying about aging early or badly, for that matter. which was why paris was the perfect getaway for her. it gave her a sense of direction, feeling as if she had something going in her life as she attended the best of events and met cute boys left and right. it was personally the greatest decision she had ever made, except her dad didn’t agree and she found herself back home. 

something she’s not too happy about. she feels grounded in a way. forced to go back to the usual when she could be doing so much more with her life. sure, getting an actual degree isn’t the worse thing in life but chanel has literally no idea what she wants to do and having to sit through lecture after lecture doesn’t make things easier. which is funny because if she took a step back and stopped living in the bubblegum type of world for a moment, she’d realized what she has a knack for and what she’s passionate about. as ironic as it is, what i could see chanel doing down the road would be the one things she’s given jasper crap about all these years — caring for the environment. though, then again, it could just be reality coming back to bite her in the ass for all the treehugger jokes. nonetheless, i see her passion and focus being in finding more ways to be eco-friendly in the world of fashion. just having this epiphany and accepting the reality that the world of fashion isn’t as great as it seems and that there are others who suffer because of it, ie, children, animals, underpaid laborers, etc.

though, in the meantime, chanel remains the same girl as always. stubborn like a boot, never accepting that the word ‘no’ does exist and that things don’t always go as she wants them to. she still loves the attention she receives from others. how girls envy her and boys want to be with her. she’s definitely childish, throwing mini tantrum’s and pouting when things don’t go her way. eager to life in her perfect and sheltered life, deep down probably expecting to be married off to some wealthy heir and become just another trophy wife if that means being able to continue with her luxurious lifestyle and not having to face the reality that there’s an entire world at her feet ready to be explored and conquered. something that terrifies her more than anything because why try something new when conforming to the everyday is perfectly safe and comfortable. 

SAMPLE WRITING:

it had ended. she was on her way home, jasper in the driver’s seat and they were headed toward the hills but that didn’t make any of it seem like less of a nightmare. like they had taken chanel out of her body and made her watch the catastrophic disaster that occurred from the sidelines. snapshots played through her mind as she replayed each decision she had made that night and how that had spiraled out of control. she should have known better, she should have taken the lack of invitation as a sign. after all, she was chanel horowitz and anyone who was anyone knew that a party wasn’t a party without the fashionista making an appearance. she was like the fairy godmother of parties, blessing them all from rags to fab. at least that’s what she liked to believe and by now people knew better than to question the young horowitz unless they were ready to lose an argument.

so chanel did as chanel does — prepping and pampering herself, she made sure to look flawless from head to toe before stepping out the door. if on a bad day, chanel looked like a solid hundred, she would have been damned if she wasn’t the best looking girl at that party. especially if her invite was oh so conveniently forgotten. which, by the way, what the hell? chanel wasn’t sure what she was more upset about; not being invited or the fact that she was bothered by it. after all, she’d gone to galas in paris, mingling with the creme de la creme, to be left out some small town party. it was so flipping insignificant and yet chanel felt .. hurt??

chanel inhaled deeply, letting the puff of air leave her lips as she leaned against the passenger window. using her arm as a pillow, she left the summer breeze brush against her. the cool wind soothing her as she felt herself starting to calm down. while her head still spun, she could feel her heartbeat start to return to its normal pace. sure, her face was sticky and stained with a face full of makeup that once was but no longer were tears streaming down her face as she sobbed. it was the first time she felt safe since she stepped foot in that damn party.

turning her head from the streets of illionis, her eyes narrowed on jasper as he drove. how jasper had managed to be her knight in shining armor was beyond her. he was the last person she would have ever imagined coming to her rescue. with the amount of bickering the two did and how chanel always had a snarky comment up her sleeve, she would have expected him to turn the other way and go save a dolphin or two. she couldn’t blame him for it either. ever since they’ve known each other all chanel had ever been to the older boy was a complete and utter brat. stubborn and capricious, if chanel had an opinion about jasper, she made sure he heard it loud and clear. but then again, chanel was the immature twelve year old, not jasper. the fact that he had rushed her into his car to get her home safely wasn’t surprising. saint jasper, always off saving the world. as much as she hated to admit it, chanel was thanking her lucky stars that he came along. stranded in the middle of god knows where, chanel was pretty sure she was going to die that night considering her luck.

a small smile cracking on her lips as she turned back her attention to the world around her. closing her eyes this time as she enjoyed the refreshing breeze. she was trying to let her mind drift from the events of the night. trying being the key word as she found herself reliving most of what had just happened. recalling the humiliation she felt when taissa decided to go ballistic on her. how much her friend’s words stung. while chanel was smart enough to know that alcohol had a big part with the blonde’s behavior, she couldn’t help but wonder if that really was the alcohol talking or taissa was speaking from her heart? regardless, that had put a huge damper on not only her mood but judgement. which was how and why she ended up in elton’s car in the first place. jack daniels being the ultimate deceiver, as she didn’t give the boy’s insistence on taking her home as a red flag. no, chanel’s common sense had been so blindly impaired that the first sign of danger she got from him was when pushed himself on her. how could she have been so stupid? to think that the only thing he wanted was to get her home. no, guys like him were only interested in the one thing chanel wasn’t ready to give up. and yet, no matter how hard she tried to push him off or how she kept saying no, his body was still pushing himself onto her and boozy lips were still trying to find hers.

if it hadn’t been for the fact that he was literally pushing her to the edge of the passenger side and chanel falling out of the car, who knows what would have happened. the possible thought of her being stuck in that car and things escalating sent shivers down her spine. she felt disgusting, inside and out. what she needed was a long, hot shower with a some type of scented exfoliator to get that swine off of her. never again would she trust anyone while having any amount of alcohol in her system. and while she was thankful that she had been able to get out of his car, the fact that her night had ended with a gun pressed to her head only unraveled her even more. how she felt her heart stop, time moving in milliseconds and chanel wondering if he’d actually pull the trigger. giving up everything she had on her not daring to test her sucky luck. it was like her perfect glass globe had been broken that night with everything that could go wrong actually growing wrong leaving the girl feeling helpless and hopeless. the slight relief that had washed over her suddenly gone as she grew overwhelmed once again. tears streaming down her face as she sat up, facing straight out the window as she brought her knees up to her chest and hugged herself. sobbing silently as all she wished was for the night to end before something else could go wrong.

ANYTHING ELSE?

1985. would it be possible to change her fc to bruna marquezine? this may be a weird question but if the fc change is approved, could i change her name to carlotta? i was just thinking since bruna is latina a latinx name could fit her better? if not it’s fine heh. thank you! (and sorry for the million questions).