#[i was wondering when the self sabotage was gonna kick in]

[rebelpuff]

“You’ve been mostly dead all day.” / @emeraldbuilt

she   hasn't   gotten   a   lot   of   sleep   lately.   honestly   ,   she   hadn't   realized   how   much   they   were   beginning   to   RELY   on   john   —    how   many   of   his   occasional   shifts   were   slotted   into   the   permanent   rotation   ,   for   one   ,   but   more   annoyingly   ,   how   much   she   relied   on   the   steady   rhythm   of   his   heart   to   fall   asleep. 

it   pisses   her   off. 

his   being   here   wasn't   supposed   to   change   how   they   do   patrol.   what   happens   when   he   gets   sick   and   tired   of   this   place   ?   when   the   space   cop   schtick   and   the   architect   job   and   the   local   hero   bit   all   get   to   be   too   much   ? when   he   up   and   leaves   ,   because   he   CAN   ,   because   he   isn't   tied   to   this   hellhole   by   more   than   a   paycheck   ?   getting   used   to   their   grueling   shifts   again   after   being   so   spoiled   is   going   to   fucking   suck. 

what   happens   when   he   actually   leaves   and   she   can't   fall   asleep   ?

she   missed   him.   that   pisses   her   off   too.   she's   not   USED   to   thinking   about   people   when   they're   gone   ,   beyond   a   cursory   curiosity.   she's   not   used   to   being   distracted   by   it   ,   wondering   if   he's   alright   even   though   she   knows   he   can   damn   well   take   care   of   himself.   wondering   what   he's   up   to   on   his   stupid   space   missions   ,   which   hot   aliens   are   seeing   him   without   fresh   bites   ,   thinking   he's   alone. 

it's   STUPID. 

it's   all   stupid. 

she   was   fine   before   him.   she'll   be   fine   after   him. 

“   i'm   fine   ,   john   ,   ”   buttercup   snaps   ,   though   the   yawn   that   pushes   through   her   betrays   it.   she   can't   look   him   in   the   eye.   “   go   away.   ”

movie meme.

[silantryoo]

BONUS [ LIKEALOOK ] — wonyoung's l/n y/n.

jang wonyoung, before first year.

WARNINGS ; mentions of toxic household, mentions of self-sabotage (1.8k)

jang wonyoung knew it wasn't right to run from her problems.

she wasn't the fastest on the team, not by a long shot. she lagged behind her soon-to-be teammates, always running a mile thirty minutes slower than them. her legs, although powerful, were only good for jumping up, never forward.

still, it never deterred her from trying, the constant reminder of her mother in the mirror and her father in her name. no matter how much she failed and how often it scarred her, she always ended up running.

wonyoung was tired of running.

victor's hall.

trophies scattered the walls, ribbons and banners waving in the air. a collection of all suma's best, their achievements immortalized for the centuries to come. the cases were in pristine condition, glowing in the soft back light that emitted behind the multiple enclosures.

a place in victor's hall was no small thing. after all, suma only took the best of the best, evident in the overwhelming number of olympians and professional players that were alumni.

getting into suma was a victory in itself; being one of the SKYS.

but wonyoung didn't feel like it was a victory. it didn't feel like she won some grand prize, or that she finally got into her dream school, on a scholarship in her dream program.

it felt... hollow.

she had sacrificed too much to not continue. her relationship (although there was barely anything there) with her father, her chance at a 'proper' university, her knee, her diet, her stress, hannah...

god, she even left hyunseo in that horrible, greyed out house with her father who only loved her during the good, when her baby sister reminded him that she was the creation of real love and not whatever the hell wonyoung was.

hyunseo was a lee, she wasn't born under the circumstances of business, not as a jang.

she knew her mother would do everything in her power to protect hyunseo, though. there wasn't much that wonyoung could ensure jiyoung with, but they both wanted the same thing. they both wanted to protect their younger sisters in one way or another, or in jiyoung's case, whatever's left of it.

wonyoung looked at last year's banner, the emptiness settling in her stomach once more.

'FINALIST'.

she couldn't help but wonder if it was her fate would be the same this year. her father was sure to pull her out of suma if that were the case. he'd pull all the funding from under her feet, take her off his will and leave nothing in her name.

she couldn't have that, not until after university. she was on a full ride scholarship, but how was she going to survive? would she starve? wonyoung couldn't work a job on top of being on the volleyball team. in all honesty, wonyoung had never even touched a cleaning rag.

wonyoung poked on the glass, sighing to herself.

was this even worth it? was she worth it?

"are you allowed to get fingerprints on that?"

wonyoung jumped, flinching so hard that her hand retracted from the case at lighting speed.

was she already in trouble? it was barely her first week as an official suma spartan, yet she had already done something that could get her kicked off the team.

was this the moment she was going to get expelled?

"i-i didn't...!" wonyoung frantically wiped the mirror with her sweater, cleaning it of any marks she left. "i was just looking, i swear!"

the volleyball player turned around.

"i'm not gonna tell." a soft smile appeared on the person's face, and wonyoung could feel her knees buckling. "i don't even go here yet."

oh... wow.

part of wonyoung wanted to speak, she wanted to introduce herself like she always did; 'wonyoung', without the jang, of course. for some reason, the air in her throat seemed to get stuck, feline eyes staring at her in wonder.

"i swear, i'm not lying." the girl chuckled. it felt like music, like a lullaby. "i was just wandering around. one of my coworker's told me the bookstore was down victor's hall. i didn't expect it to be so... big."

wonyoung blinked.

she was absolutely lost. would a laugh ease the tension? a smile? maybe a thumbs up was enough, or would that make her look like an idiot?

all wonyoung managed to do was let out a soft 'huh?'.

"the bookstore..." the girl cleared her throat, looking wonyoung directly in her eyes. the taller girl could feel her entire neck burn with a blush. "do you not go here...?"

"i-i do!" wonyoung blurted out, her words jumbled and rushed, just like her thoughts. "i go here, i mean."

the girl giggled once more, and wonyoung blushed harder. the mystery girl was pretty, wonyoung towering over her shorter stature. she was dressed in nice clothes, a little under the radar and not what wonyoung was used to seeing, but still nice. she even fidgeted cutely too, rubbing her knuckles together as if she were...

"are you cold?"

wonyoung bit her lip, cursing at herself internally. she was no good at talking to pretty girls, not when they looked like this. part of her wished her yujin-unnie was here to help her out.

the mystery girl smiled. "maybe a little?"

the volleyball player tugged off her sweater, feeling her sweaty back hit the cold air.

"i-it's a little sweaty." the one time she didn't take a shower after practice was the one time a pretty girl came up to her and decided to be cold.

"i shouldn't-" the pretty girl refused, a bright blush on her face. it took everything in wonyoung to not slam her head into the glass cabinet, feeling too giddy to even breathe properly.

"i'll be fine." the athlete managed to squeak out, suppressing her shiver. "it's cheap anyway."

it was about 100,000 won, give or take. it was cheap to wonyoung, but definitely not cheap enough that anyone without her background would give it out.

she knew at this point, the girl was sure to be curious of her status.

"thanks, um..."

"wonyoung," she said simply.

she prayed that this mystery girl wouldn't ask about her last name. the shorter girl didn't know the implications it held for wonyoung; the pain and the tears that hid behind the word. wonyoung couldn't blame her if she asked, but she didn't wanna think about it right now.

right now, she just wanted to be wonyoung. just wonyoung, talking to a pretty girl (and pretty much landing horrible on her face).

the shorter girl smiled, her eyes studying wonyoung's face with curiousity.

the athlete felt her hand twitch, an overwhelming urge to straighten her hair and put on a camera-ready smile. she wondered if the pretty girl recognized her through the grapevine, or perhaps was debating whether or not wonyoung was worth talking to.

(she was actually admiring wonyoung's beauty, but wonyoung didn't need to know that yet.)

"i'm y/n."

wonyoung grinned. she finally had a name to the person.

it was y/n, who was pretty, and who had a nice smile. she was the pretty mystery girl who giggled like wonyoung's favourite lullaby, currently drowning in her volleyball sweater that seemed a size or two too big on her. y/n was who she met a mere ten minutes ago, with striking eyes and a beauty mark on her nose.

and she was someone who wonyoung couldn't function around.

"nice to, um..." wonyoung stumbled over simple words, her brain screaming at her to finish her sentence. "...meet you, y/n."

as the name left her mouth, wonyoung couldn't help but blush. she couldn't believe that a pretty girl was wearing her sweater, and now she knew her name.

next thing she knew, y/n would be her friend.

wonyoung could only hope.

y/n smiled with a hint of fondness, and wonyoung wished that it was because of her as a person and not because of her current inability to speak proper words.

"nice to meet you, wonyoung."

the volleyball player could feel her ears burn the same shade of red as her sweater, her brain nearly exploding at y/n acknowledging her as wonyoung and just wonyoung.

she was just wonyoung to y/n.

wonyoung watched as y/n fished something out of her pocket, a phone in her hand. the shorter girl opens it with ease, handing it to wonyoung with a smile.

wonyoung looked at the open phone app. what was she supposed to do with this?

"for your phone number." y/n clarified, and wonyoung sore she burst a blood vessel somewhere in her brain. "so i can return your sweater."

the taller girl could feel her ears ringing. she was sure she was dreaming, and she'd wake up to her half empty dorm with yujin banging on the door, yelling at her to hurry up for practice.

she waited a moment for her eyes to open, but all she found was her still staring at y/n in front of her.

"r-right, um," wonyoung cleared her throat, desperately trying to remember her phone number.

wonyoung put it in shakily, reading the numbers over and over again to make sure it was hers and not yujin's or yena's. knowing those two, they'd swoop at the opportunity and wonyoung was not about to let this pass, even if it led to nothing in the end.

the athlete saved it with a sigh, handing it back to the girl in front of her.

"i'm gonna go catch up with the group." y/n smiled, placing her phone in her pocket. "thanks again... i'll see you around, hopefully?"

oh god, wonyoung didn't even think about seeing y/n again.

"yeah..." she nodded stiffly, mirroring a robot from some sci-fi movie she saw yujin's sister watch some time ago. "uh, around sounds... nice."

y/n shot her a look, shaking her head with a smile.

"yeah..." wonyoung missed the way y/n's eyes lit up with adoration. "it does."

the shorter girl wandered away, the opposite direction from wonyoung. she waited until y/n was out of earshot before she groaned, sliding down the wall into a puddle of her own embarrassment.

"'around sounds nice'? are you stupid, wonyoung?" she could die right there, evaporating into nothingness. it would definitely save her pride. "oh god... i'm stupid!"

she was never gonna live this down, but she would definitely try to, even if it meant avoiding the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen.

(but a week later, as if by divine intervention, y/n turned out to be wonyoung's new roommate.)

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[roxiestranger19]

OBX 4 PREDICTIONS

hello only probably like 2 people are gonna see this but I gotta get these thoughts out of my head. My predictions for OBX4!!! (this is mainly gonna be about JJ and Jiara because they’re my favorite)

JJ focused season finally! He’s been my favorite character from day 1 and i’m so glad that there’s hopefully gonna be more of him this season. It looks promising from the trailer but who knows.

JJ AND KIARA!!! Yall im so excited for them to finally be together. All im asking for is one kiss in good lighting and it looks like we’ll get it.

This scene specifically has me screaming and kicking my feet already.

On the topic of jiara i think the writers are gonna make them go through everything in the book. Between Kies parents to JJs dad potentially coming back to jjs impulsivity in general.

3) This leads me to my next point on how i think the season is gonna go in terms of Jiara. In the first couple episodes i think we’re gonna rewind to the 18 month time jump and finally see them together and see them doing all the normal couple shit and it’s gonna be beautiful and wonderful. Hopefully we’ll see how they support each other through their parent drama, mainly kies.

Then I think they’re going to either get in a fight or break up whenever JJ starts being really impulsive with the money like we saw in the trailer. I also think this is where Luke’s gonna come in if he does make an appearance. I think Luke is gonna guilt JJ into giving him money and JJs gonna come to some agreement with him. JJs either gonna not tell kie about it and it’s gonna cause a blowup when she inevitably does find out or she’s gonna know from the beginning and advise JJ not to help Luke but he does it anyway. This is gonna go back to the self sabotaging topics from season 3 and how JJ just can’t realize that his dad is a piece of shit and Kies gonna give him the ultimatum of either her or his dad which he’s then not gonna be able to choose.

If Luke isn’t the reason for a Jiara fight then I believe it will be because of his impulsivity with his life and the money. We saw in season 3 that JJ is willing to sacrifice himself for the good of the group and that’s where the dirt bike racing is gonna come in along with gambling and betting the money. (Bonus points if someone tells him “you’re just like your dad”) This is the point that I feel has the strongest amount of evidence because in the teaser we saw the races and JJ and John Bs conversation on how they have everything to lose now. We also know from the trailer that JJ spent the last of their money so he feels the need to earn it all back himself in the fastest way possible which would be betting on winning the race. Also if Rafe is his competition this is more reason for him to bet everything on the race. I’m gonna guess he does not win the race which is then why they agreed to take on the black beard case.

This then brings us up to date after the 18 month time jump to the ceremony and my previous reasons for Jiara fighting would check out with why JJ and Kie were being so awkward at the ceremony.

Anyways JJ is gonna kinda take the lead with the case because again, he feels like he owes it to the rest of the group since he spent the last of their money and/or gambled it away. He also might think that this could win kiara back although that most likely won’t be the case since all kie wants is for JJ to realize that he matters and she loves him no matter what he has or doesn’t have.

I think that this scene is gonna be Kie explaining these things to JJ. Also as much as i want this scene to be full Jiara lovey dovey steamy shit, i don’t think that will be the case. I actually would be just as happy if this was a “there was only one bed” trope because the rest of the pogues are coupled off and who knows maybe this will lead to a kiss or cute cuddling moment, either way i’ll be happy.

I think that the rest of the season will be filled with angst and tension from JJ and Kie because they clearly are obsessed with each other and can’t just turn off their feelings. I think this will be way more interesting than if they stayed coupled up all season because their whole relationship is fiery banter and let’s face it, John B and Sarah’s relationship is boring compared to Jiara because there’s no drama or fire. Also think about all the protective JJ moments we can get from this especially the scuba scene?! Or when it comes to Rafe. We saw in the teaser that JJ punches Rafe with Kiara in the background. Plus with them “supposed” to be broken up or fighting, but unable to stay away from each other both internally and externally bc everyone else in the group is paired together, we’re gonna get a bit of “forbidden romance” and longing looks and jealousy and tension galore which is gonna make every scene with them together electric. I have no idea how their relationship is gonna end up at the end of the season but i hope they’ll be back at where they were at the beginning during the time jump.

4) In terms of the ending and the other bits and pieces i honestly have no idea where it’s gonna end. I want to say they win and solve the blackbeard case but they have a pretty bad track record with that. Also depending on how many more seasons the show has left is a big component in this. I don’t think the show could go past a fifth season. Also don’t know where the scenes with JJ breaking windows and destroying things fits in. It appears to be in the OBX but who knows.Living for those moments though. this is probably another reason why Jiara breaks up. Could have to do with Rage and Topper or his dad but i have no idea. Maybe Barry is coming for him because JJ did steal from him and Barry used to sell to Luke.

5) Rafe and Topper

don’t have a single clue how they’re gonna fit into this after the 18month time jump. We only really saw them in the OBX or at the bike race. I guess there’s potential for them wanting to get in on the blackbeard case but i don’t really see it tbh. I’m guessing they’re gonna have a separate plot from the pogues or it’s just gonna be slightly related through sarah or something.

6) THE BOMB Here are my different guesses for what this could mean.

JJ dies. this seems to be what everyone thinks but i really don’t see this happening. i don’t think Rudy hates OBX as much as everyone thinks he does i think he just gets caught at the wrong times and everyone reads into it. If they do write him off though i will never forgive them it literally wouldn’t make sense it would destroy me. and it better be a damn good death and be actually really sole crushing and good writing. giving jj a good death would be the least they can do if they choose to go this.

JJ and Kie break up. As i said before i actually think this would make sense for them but i do think it would come to a shock to many people hence them saying that a “bomb is gonna drop on them”

Luke comes back. Again like i said this is pretty likely especially since there’s a leaked picture with luke and JJ in it. In terms of it having huge effects on Jiara, this depends on JJs decisions.

JJs mom. Maybe he suddenly figures out a way to find her or something else i literally have no idea

Rafe and Kiara. Can’t see kiara cheating on JJ. Maybe we finally get to see what happened during kies kook year. Don’t see how that would affect Jiara now though.

Kies parents. Might’ve had more of an impact on their relationship during the 18months but i can’t imagine that’s the reason for something blowing up between them after that since they don’t care about their opinion

time for my really crazy theories

pregnancy. kie getting pregnant would be a bomb. don’t imagine the writers doing this because it’s just not that type of show but it would make things interesting. especially if she finds out while they’re broken up or fighting, it would add a lot more tension and jj would be a lot more protective of her.

Luke and Anna. in season 2 luke mentions something about knowing anna. Always thought that was an interesting point. Maybe they had something going on in high school and when JJ and Kie figure that out if kinda deters them and makes them question a lot. idk these are crazy.

jj and sarah share a mom. always liked this theory. think it has possibility but very unlikely. don’t think this would relate to the plot very much or impact Jiara.

anyways that is all. If you read all the way through this i appreciate you.

[chicgeekgirl89]

Chapter 6 now available on AO3!

He’s going on a date. With Hottie Officer Carlos. Tomorrow. He’s equal parts thrilled and completely freaking out. 

They’ve texted daily, mostly inane and sometimes flirty things. T.K. would be lying if he said he wasn’t horny for the guy. Seeing him in uniform, the way his muscles had filled out the sleeves, his thighs…T.K. has woken up more than a few times from dreams where Carlos’ broad hands are caressing their way down his body.

But as he’s told his therapist several times, that is not the point of this date. Carlos seems like a genuinely good guy. The type of guy T.K.’s always hoped to be with, the type of guy he thought Alex was.

Alex. T.K. sighs and wonders how long the specter of his previous boyfriend is going to hang over him. He’d tried to get the guy out of his head when he’d first arrived in Austin. There had been some sex, one-night stands whose names he doesn’t remember, and when that hadn’t worked he’d turned to getting the shit kicked out of him in bars. His dad picking him from jail is not even in the top ten lowest moments of his life, but he still feels kind of shitty about it.

He’s been trying his hardest since then to turn things around. This date with Carlos…it feels like a second chance. A chance to be the kind of guy who deserves someone like Carlos Reyes. And he’s trying really hard not to self sabotage it like he usually does. 

Right now he’s having kind of a hard time telling the little voice in his head that reminds he’s not good enough to shut up.

“Why do you look like that?”

Judd settles into a chair across from him, leaning back and kicking his feet up. 

T.K.’s hand stills where it’s been combing anxiously through Buttercup’s fur. “Look like what?”

“Look like you just accidentally jumped in the pen with my Uncle Cash’s meanest bull,” Judd says. “Something on your mind?”

T.K. rubs Buttercup’s ear and considers how much to share. His therapist has been pushing him to open up more to the people around him. His team has proven time and again that they’re trustworthy, but it’s still hard to give the darker pieces of himself away.

“I have a date,” he says finally.

“Oh really?” Judd says, an interested look flashing across his face. “With that cop from your phone?”

“Yes,” T.K. says. “We’re getting coffee tomorrow. And I’m…”

“You’re nervous,” Judd says with a nod, like it’s a fact. “Good.”

“Good? How is that good?”

“Means it’s worth something to ya,” Judd tells him. “Means it matters. You want a hook up, you just jump on in without caring. You want something more, you’re gonna feel scared you’ll mess it up.”

That makes far too much sense for T.K.’s nerves. “What if I do mess it up?” he asks. “What if he doesn’t like me? We’ve only met once for like two minutes. What if all this texting and talking works through the phone but we sit there and stare at each other in silence for an hour?”

“T.K.,” Judd shifts and sits forward so he can look him squarely in the eye. “I’ve known you for a year, and not once in all those days have you been able to sit in silence for longer than three and a half seconds. You’ll find something to talk about.”

“Thanks?” T.K. says, unsure whether he should feel grateful or offended.

“You’ll be great,” Judd says. “You’re a catch. He should be grateful he gets to spend time with you.”

The room warms in T.K.’s vision, a rosy hue brightening up the dark thoughts in his mind. “You think so?” he asks tentatively.

“You’re a god damned dual certified firefighter paramedic,” Judd says, his voice strong. “And a member of the 126. That alone makes you a catch.” He points a finger at T.K. “Don’t you forget it.”

T.K. has never in his life thought of himself as a catch. He’s just…a toy to be played with. Something for people to enjoy and then be sent packing when they’re tired of him. Judd’s words do something to him that he can’t quite pinpoint, but it feels like a small part of him heals.

Then the alarm sounds and they’re both on their feet, running to the truck. As T.K. buckles into his seat he realizes that he feels…good. It feels like light is dawning on him for the first time in so long. Like those moments when you can’t really see the sunrise yet, but you can feel that it’s coming soon.

They pull up to the fire within minutes and it looks terrible. Flames shoot from windows and out of the roof, smoke filling the early evening air as people flee from inside into the waiting arms of first responders. 

T.K.’s heart does a weird lurch as he spots APD on the scene even though he knows Carlos is off tonight. They haven’t even been on a single date and he’s already getting butterflies over the guy. It’s ridiculous.

“Stay alert,” his dad is telling them all as they pull up to the scene. “Two in, two out. This place is going to be unstable. Stick with your partner and if anything seems off get out first and ask questions later.”

“Yes Cap,” they all chorus before jumping out and donning their tanks and masks.

Inside things are hot and dark. The fire is quickly sucking out any air left in the building and the smoke is billowing in thick, black clouds that make it nearly impossible to see. He’s paired up with Marjan and they’re both struggling to make it even a few feet down the narrow hallways. 

They manage one rescue, a guy who’s leg is definitely broken, and it’s a relief when they carry him back outside. T.K. pulls off his mask and takes a couple gulps of clean air after they pass the guy off to medical.

“Ready to go again?” Marjan asks. 

T.K. nods, replacing his mask and following her toward the door. But before they can head inside there’s a loud rumble and the earth shakes a little under their feet. “Whoa, what was that?” Marjan asks.

“Mayday mayday! Firefighter down!”

Mateo’s voice comes shouting over their radios and T.K.’s heart plummets into his boots. Marjan turns to him, eyes wide. “Isn’t Mateo with—“

“My dad,” T.K. says. Without a second thought he’s through the door. 

“T.K.! T.K. wait!” Marjan yells after him.

He can hear her behind him, trying to keep up. “Mateo where are you?” he asks.

“Southeast side,” Mateo says. “He’s unconscious, I can’t wake him up!”

“We’re on our way,” T.K. says, taking the first left he comes to. 

“Us too,” Judd says from wherever he and Paul are.

It’s only minutes but it feels like days before T.K. hears the screaming of a PASS alarm. They take a final turn and find Mateo kneeling on the floor next to his dad’s prone form. “What happened?” T.K. asks.

“Beam came down from the ceiling. Took him down hard,” Mateo says. “He hasn’t woken up since.” He looks like he’s just barely restraining himself from full blown panic. 

T.K. can relate.

“Dad,” T.K. shakes his shoulder but gets no response and the fear he’s been keeping at bay comes screaming to the surface. “Dad! Come on! Wake up!”

“Hey!”

Judd and Paul join the group. “We need to get him out of here,” Judd says. “This whole place is gonna come down on top of us any second.”

“He could have a spinal injury,” T.K. protests.

“Better injured than dead,” Paul says. “Come on. Let’s go!”

T.K. reaches under one of his dad’s arms while Judd gets under his other side. The way his dad’s head droops as they move makes T.K. sick to his stomach. He’s so terrified he can hardly breathe, air coming in and out of his lungs in tight bursts. 

It feels like forever before they escape the heat and the dark, but finally there it is, the outside world, still waiting for them. 

They drop his dad onto a gurney and Nancy and Tim swarm in along with Michael, their acting captain for the day, pulling off his turnouts and helmet. His dad lets out a groan of pain that makes T.K.’s knees go weak with a combination of relief and sympathy. 

“What happened?” his dad asks as his eyes blink open, squinting against the fading daylight.

“Beam took you down Cap,” Mateo says. “Hit you right in the head.”

His dad groans again and closes his eyes. “Yep, that’s what it feels like.”

T.K. rides with him in the back of the ambulance and then follows the gurney into the ER. He talks to the doctors, tells them about the medication his dad is on for his cancer treatments, and all of his supplements. He calls his mom in New York then sits with his teammates in the waiting room while his dad is taken for tests and scans.

It’s not the worst trip to the ER he’s ever experienced, but it’s not great either. His anxiety is through the roof. This is the second time in just about a year his dad has said a passing hello to death and it’s doing nothing to help his anxiety. The world has faded out to grey again, black and white, like the scuffed tiles of the hospital floor. His skin is itching with the urge to run away from it all, but the desire to stay is currently winning the fight. Yay therapy. 

He chews anxiously on a fingernail, hunched over with his elbows on his knees. He stripped off his turnout coat a while ago, but his pants are still sitting uncomfortably stiff on his legs. There’s a char mark on his left thigh from a stray cinder on some call he doesn’t remember. He closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at it.

When the doctor finally comes out the news is about as okay as it can be for an injured firefighter. His dad has a concussion and a couple broken ribs. They’re a little extra concerned about the ribs because of the lung cancer and the propensity for pneumonia. They’re keeping him overnight for observation and he’s not happy about it. But overall he’s going to be fine.

Paul drives T.K. home where he falls face first into bed without even showering. He’s exhausted from the stress of everything and it’s only when he wakes up in the morning that he remembers his date with Carlos. Fuck. He has to cancel. 

Anxiety curdles in his stomach. Carlos is going to think he’s that guy. The one who claims a family emergency even though they both know he’s really just flaking out on the date. T.K. has been on both sides of that text on more than one occasion, but he doesn’t want to be that guy this time. He’s been trying so hard not to fuck this up, and he can’t stand the thought of it all crashing down because he’s finally choosing to be responsible.

He stares at the ceiling and sighs. There’s no help for it. Even if he gets his dad home in time today, he can’t leave him alone. The guy will be out trying to rescue a kitten from a tree or help a neighbor move a couch less than twenty minutes after T.K. is out the door. 

T.K.

[7:32am] Hey I’m so sorry, I have to cancel today.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[7:33am] Everything okay?

T.K.

[7:34am] My dad is in the hospital. Hurt on a call last night.

His phone begins buzzing almost immediately, the sight of Carlos’ pecs lighting up his screen. He’d forgotten that he’d set Carlos’ contact photo like that and he barks out a startled laugh. “Hello?” his voice comes out croaky and he swallows hard to try and clear it.

“Are you okay?” Carlos asks immediately. “Is your dad okay?”

“Yeah.” T.K. pushes himself into a sitting position and rubs a hand over his face. “Yeah we’re both okay. He has a concussion and some broken ribs. They kept him overnight so I have to go pick him up in a little bit.”

“God I’m so sorry,” Carlos says, sounding one hundred percent sympathetic without an ounce of suspicion or annoyance. “Is there anything I can do? Anything you need? My mom makes soup that she swears will heal anything.”

T.K. closes his eyes, surprised that he can feel tears welling up. Carlos’ immediate response is to offer to provide comfort for him and his dad. It’s so wildly surprising and different from any guy he’s ever dated that the words have gone straight to his tear ducts. “No, I think we’re okay. Thanks though,” he manages around the thickness in his throat. “I’m um, I’m really sorry about our date.”

“Don’t even think about it,” Carlos says. “We’ll reschedule. Take care of your dad. And yourself.”

“Thanks,” T.K. says. “I’ll text you, okay?”

“Just worry about your family,” Carlos says. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

They hang up and T.K. takes a long minute to replay the conversation in his mind. Carlos hadn’t sounded mad or annoyed. He hadn’t even sounded disappointed. Just genuinely concerned. 

T.K.’s not quite sure what to do with that, so he shelves it to examine later and forces himself into the shower. 

His dad is his usual self when T.K. gets to the hospital. All the nurses are in love with him; the Strand charm effect is strong. He’s definitely in pain though and trying to hide it as T.K. helps him into the car and then onto the sofa at home. 

“Are you going to sit there all afternoon staring at me?” his dad asks an hour later. 

“I’m not staring at you. I’m studying for my EMT recertification exam,” T.K. says, holding up the manual as evidence

“I’m okay son,” Owen says, that soft, dad look on his face; the one that says he’s more concerned about how T.K. is feeling than himself. “I’m glued to this couch. You can go hang out with your friends or take Buttercup for a walk.”

Buttercup lifts his head up at the sound of his name and then drops it glumly back to the floor when it’s clear nobody is actually going to take him outside. 

“I’m staying right here,” T.K. tells him. “I know you think you won’t get off that couch and overdo it, but the second you get too bored you’re going to be trying to throw together a soufflé or check the oil in the car.”

Owen blinks at him. “First of all, you don’t ‘throw together’ a soufflé. It’s a delicate process that requires hours of concentration and impeccable timing. And secondly, I had the oil changed on the car last week.”

“Still not leaving,” T.K. says without looking up from the manual. 

The doorbell rings and Buttercup heaves himself to his feet, tail wagging as he wanders toward the front door. “Are we expecting anybody?” T.K. asks as he gets up. 

“Could be Judd,” his dad says. “He mentioned last night that he and Grace might swing by.”

“Maybe it’s Nurse Judy from the hospital,” T.K. teases. “I saw her eyeing you up this morning.”

“I can’t help it that my shoulders are accentuated by the shape and contour of a hospital gown!” his dad calls after him.

T.K. snorts and shuffles Buttercup out of the way so he can open the door. The person on the other side is not Judd or Grace or Nurse Judy, but rather a redheaded college age kid wearing a black baseball cap. “Hi, I have a delivery for T.J.,” he says, holding out a cardboard coffee carrier.

“Oh.” T.K.’s brow furrows. “I don’t think we ordered anything.”

The kid checks his phone. “You’re T.J. Strand?”

“T.K.”

The kid shrugs. “Close enough. This is for you. Have a good day.”

He practically shoves the carrier into T.K.’s hands and then heads back to his car.

T.K. carries it into the kitchen. “Who was it?” his dad asks, craning his neck to try and see what T.K. is doing.

“Door Dash,” T.K. says. 

There’s a green smoothie and a latte in the carrier along with a folded up piece of paper. He unfolds it and his heart stops inside his chest.

Latte is for you. Smoothie is for your dad. Not quite my mom’s soup but hopefully it helps. -Carlos

Carlos remembered his coffee order. Not only that, he remembered that T.K.’s dad prefers green juices and other organic products. That had been one conversation weeks ago while Carlos was on a lunch break in the middle of his shift. 

One text and Carlos remembered.

Oh.

The room around him brightens, the weight in his soul that belongs to the last twenty-four hours lifting off and dissipating into nothing. 

“T.K.? What’s going on over there?” his dad calls.

T.K. lifts out both drinks, carrying them into the living room and setting them on coasters. “Someone sent us drinks.”

“Someone?” His dad arches and eyebrow and then winces. “Someone like…the hot cop who lives in your phone that you were supposed to go on a date with today?”

T.K. narrows his eyes. “Did Judd rat me out to you? Because that’s really not cool.”

“Judd didn’t rat you out,” Owen says. “Sound carries in the fire station. And also I know you. You’ve been all moony eyed and nervous this week. It’s how you always get before a first date.”

“I do not!”

“Um yeah, you do,” Owen says. “You know, you can still go on your date. I’ll be fine here by myself.”

“Like I said before, I’m not leaving,” T.K. says. “I already cancelled. He was very understanding. As evidenced by the drinks.” He gestures to where he’s placed them on the coffee table.

Something odd and soft passes over his dad’s face. “Good. He should be.” He picks up his drink and takes a sip. “Ooh! Flax seed. Tell the hot cop I said thank you.”

T.K. sips his own as he pulls out his phone.

T.K.

[12:16pm] Thank you for the drinks. You didn’t have to do that.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:18pm] You’re welcome. Not quite the coffee date we were hoping for, but hopefully it will do for today.

T.K.

[12:19pm] You’re really sweet. And again, I’m super sorry about the date.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:20pm] Stop apologizing. Family comes first. How’s your dad?

T.K.

[12:21pm] Already testing the boundaries of his convalescence. And my patience. But he’s fine. Meds are taking care of the pain. 

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:22pm] Good. Are you doing okay? That must have been scary to see your dad like that.

T.K. looks over at where his dad has drifted off to sleep, his mouth hanging slightly open. The pain and fear of possibly losing him burns brightly in his chest for a moment and he lets it fill him up before breathing it out again. His dad is okay. They’re both okay this time. 

His phone buzzes again.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:26pm] You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to cross a line.

T.K.

[12:27pm] No, it’s okay. It was scary. He was unconscious for a long time. And after the cancer last year, I’m still kind of panicky about him. But he’ll be all right. He’s been through worse. We both have.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:28pm] Feel free to call or text anytime if you need to. 

T.K.

[12:29pm] You might regret that. He’s going to be a pain in the ass for the next couple weeks. You may end up having to come investigate his murder because I’m not sure I can handle it.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:30pm] Haha aren’t firefighters supposed to be tough as nails? You can run into burning buildings but you can’t handle your dad?

T.K.

[12:31pm] We WALK into burning buildings thank you very much. And you haven’t met my dad. He can whine like a toddler being denied ice cream. It’s unreal. We may need to reschedule our date just so I don’t lose my mind.

Officer Hottie- Carlos

[12:32pm] Tuesday?

T.K. thinks for a second. His dad should be well on the road to recovery by then. And he’s not scheduled to work again until Wednesday.

T.K.

[12:32pm] Tuesday could work.

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 6

I had to pause Taskmaster NZ for this. Did you guys know that the episodes are on YouTube for FREE?!?!?!?!!?!!

Love the intro as usual, Sarah Barrios goes so hard

HELLO ONE AND ALL!!!!!!!

Hiii intrepid heroes!

AYDA AGUEFORT PLEASE COME BACK I MISS YOU

I wonder if adaine will get a new job this episode

rest in peace Conor Counterspell

I forgot how much happened last episode

"Buttered to perfection"

IT'S ALWAYS HAPPY HOUR AT APPLEBEE'S

RAGHHHHHHHHH

SHE OWES OODLE OF STOODLE?!!??!? SHE LOST HER JOB AND SHE HAS TO PAY THEM?

MILK WITH VODKA...??

"I don't do this to you" I can tell this will be a giggly episode

OH NO. OH NO. THE HELIO RAT GRINDER CLERIC. OH NO

"It's filled with water!"

SPIKED MILK

"Who's a bad baby?" FABIAN I LOVE YOU

CAN YOU FILL THIS RED SOLO CUP WITH BAD BABY MILK

"I'm self sabotaging" I feel you Kristen. I feel you.

"I know in my heart that in his final moments he must have repented and gone—" "No.... No..."

"You should go to hell sometime"

ANOTHER SHRIMP JUMP

HELL HOUND FORM ART OH MY GOD LOOK AT HANGMAN!!!!!

"Smells good"

"Whatever you didn't like about your old self, you feel like, oh, it's present in this kid who is also drinking water out of a beer can." Brennan why must you be so good at pulling heartstrings

Double Kristen 🔥🔥

MOLMAN HOLDEN

SOIL CLUB

AVIATION CLUB

We got like 18 votes 🔥🔥

With disadvantage? oh no.

omg ivy has the same accent as garthy

"Your family is from Fallinel" her mom is gone and she killed her they can't help pay for the diamond

"Hot dragonborn is about to know your shit"

oh adaine... I understand you so well

Adaine and Fabian duo is so under appreciated I need more of them

"Everyone can suck a nut, fuck off"

There is so much sexual tension between Gorgug and Ragh rn

"If you push me too hard, I'm going to shit"

CARBO LOAD ON MILK?

"I think I ate some glass— there was vodka in it???" Oh Ragh my beloved....

Riz rambling is so real

Oh Ragh I love you, you're trying so hard to help I love you you are perfect

LYDIA'S MESSAGE BACK I LOVE HER

CRUSTACEAN NATION

ohhhh Fabian.....

The High 5 Heroes...

OISIN AND IVY... ARE THEY PART OF THE RAT GRINDERS????

"It's not the library, you can't rip the pages out!"

This is a very duo episode. Fig / Kristen, Fabian / Adaine, Gorgug / Riz

I'm starting to think Kristen is trying to be the president of the steelworker union at this rate

FETTY WAP AT HOMECOMING

"I'm gonna be kick flipping the system"

Fantasy High Senior Year main objective is going to be getting Fetty Wap to homecoming

"It's gonna be weird to not be you. I feel home here."

ohhh Emily what are you strategizing rn

oh no.. I think Ivy noticed her change

Fabian is struggling rn

ADAINE, PARTY WIZARD!!!!!!

"I can impersonate the dead when I want"

So much destruction of Fabian's property this episode

ivy isn't very nice. don't go for our girl mazey

THE ICE MUFFETS

oh is Brennan about to make Fabian choose between Ivy and Mazey? I swear to GOD

oh no..... Fabian.....

Mazey being straight laced (?) But still being the absolute life of the party is so good

"(Murph Sobs)"

Fuck the record labels

"Just trying to decide if I want to be bard any more..." OH?

Rough day for Fabian. So rough.

Murph rollin' better.

At least none of them actually did drugs. Just. The bad baby milk. What is the drinking age of Spyre? I don't know

Bad Kids Apicology Arc

OHHHH I LOVE GERTIE THAT'S SO CUTE THE BEE

oh no Fabian vs Gertie

actually it's more like Fabian vs everyone

NEW NEMESIS DETECTED???? OH MY GOD

Riz panic is so real, them getting kicked out of school would be awful

Tracker and Kristen call...........

oh no....

"I'm gonna be President, bitch."

I relate to Kristen too much, this is painful for me to listen to because it's too real

"Maybe she had a shrimp allergy, you don't fuckin' know"

"I hope your new partner is really fucking hot." Oh Kristen

"Riz you're the only one who is honest with me"

OH THE POTENTIAL OVERLAP........

"Tough but fair. Have a great life" KRISTEN.....

Drunk texting Aelwyn.

I MISS AYDA.

Murph is going full investigator rn

The egg slurry

"Fuck!"

I was NOT expecting Fig to be the one to do a full class switch but honestly it's understandable

"We're having to destroy ourselves to pass these classes." As someone who was severely depressed in high school, I resonate with that statement a little too much.

I want to go to a Lydia lunch

"So what's up" Kristen's god is dead.

"took an orb to the chest"

Oh Lydia.... I want to hug her so tightly.

"God baby hospital"

Now I'm hungry for chicken parm

downtime

STRESS TOKENS?????

looks like next episode is dice rolling

[ioannemos]

i started a huge tag explanation but i think i was gonna run out of tags so

the tl;dr: i like him and how his personal arc and relationship with jane ended, bc i understand his motives, empathize with his bad decisions, and love his character development. also i feel like bronte did a really good job of showing how well they fit as a couple which i'm not sure gets discussed enough

and now a read more for rambling

i used to feel closer to option two, tho for me it was more of an eyeroll and a shrug. like sure, jane, since you love him i guess? and clearly haven't gotten over him and have no desire to get over him, even tho you think you should, and could do so much better...

this last time i read the book, tho, i read the whole thing in one sitting (i didn't mean to but that's the magic of jane eyre) and was struck by a few things

first of all, oh lord, edward was so young when he was tricked into marrying bertha?? and tricked by his family, no less?? edward being the kind of person he is, i don't wonder at his anger, despair, etc. what a betrayal! and like, tbh, i don't know what he should've done differently. obv locking her in the attic wasn't a great solution, but she was violent and immoral before the insanity even kicked in. i'm honestly not sure what else a young man of his status, temperament, sense of duty, etc. would think of to do. he can't divorce her, and she can't be allowed to just. roam free. so while i don't think locking her in the attic was a moral solution, i can understand and empathize with him taking that route

(the other stuff he did, like having mistresses and whatnot, obv not good either. bad, in fact. but again, while i don't think it was the right thing to do, i can understand it: he wants love from a peer, and since he can't get that from his wife he's looking for it elsewhere) (tho he also keeps picking bad partners on purpose *claps edward on the shoulder* this bad boy can fit so much self-loathing and self-sabotage in him)

second of all, they are established pretty early on to be a good match for each other. while jane speaks very plainly, we know from her narration that she has the same fanciful imagination that edward does; he just has the freedom of being rich and a gentleman to express it. (also, he's at home whenever she's seeing him, not when he's traveling, which adds, idk, a Dimension to his words and actions that i think gets overlooked.) amongst other similarities, they both

are passionate

prefer to run away from their problems

feel trapped by expectations

almost die by trying to do the Right Thing (he tries to save bertha from thornfield burning down, she runs away from thornfield and almost dies of exposure)

refuse to marry people who want what they have/could do (blanche wants his money, st. john wants her ability to work herself to the bone) rather than who they are

find the idea of such a marriage to be personally repugnant

think people who marry for those reasons are foolish

(this includes the marriage to bertha, btw, hence a whole lot of that self-loathing)

like to spend money on the people they love

find adele silly and attribute it to her being french but are determined to english at least some of it out of her

love the other person so much they look and act dumb as hell

third of all, they don't get married until a. they are in fact peers and b. edward's not only received the consequences of his actions, he has accepted them as such. he was proud, so he's been humbled; he lived for pleasures of the flesh and now he's blind and crippled. what's more, not only has he accepted these consequences, he acknowledges that they came from God and responds accordingly. he shook his fist at God before, defied Him, dared Him to punish this behavior too, and God did, and edward accepts it. that's such a huge piece of character development that i think gets skimmed over and it's a shame

i really love jane eyre and could possibly keep going lol but i'm gonna stop here bc this is long enough

Finished Jane Eyre and would like to gain some general data, just out of curiosity

If none of these apply at all, you're free to abstain and tell me why in the notes—I just thought trying to sum up the spectrum of opinions usefully was hard enough without adding an easy "other" option.

[punkpandapatrixk]

Romance, self-development, spiritual awakening; what have you—your Higher Self is here to reorient your compass~🧭This PAC is relaying a sense of Love towards yourself (first and foremost), which subsequently assists you to become a vibrational match to the person destined to share a harmonious, soulmate type romantic connection with you~💖

[Back to Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

Pile 1 - Get Ready to Get Busy, and Happy~!

10 of Cups, 4 of Wands, 7 of Wands & Priestess of Shine

Don't they say we must be patient as everything works out in Divine Timing? This is it! The time for you to Shine has come. You now have all the necessary skills to impress and make your breakthrough🤩Had this chance come about earlier, you wouldn't have done as wonderfully—trust that! For such a long time now, you've been so emotionally unfulfilled. Seems like you've been struggling and working and improving yourself—including going through shadow work and healing yourself spiritually—but true emotional satisfaction was still nowhere to be felt. You've wondered if there would ever be an end to this desolate feeling.

Here it is. The Gate of Happiness is opening up! All you've worked for ain't for naught. FYI, sometimes people become a coward before the gate towards happiness; maybe because they've been let down so many times throughout their period of struggles. Can't blame that, right? It's not your fault that you're scared. But here's a message from your HS to remind you to not cower when the chance arises. Haven't you been wanting this for a long time? For the sake of your own happiness, don't sabotage this chance!

Down this road, you're gonna get so busy with new preoccupations and some things may be a little troublesome. But it's worth all of the troubles because this endeavour: 1. is in alignment with your Soul's Purpose, or 2. is something temporary that gets you closer to your Destined Life Path anyway. At any rate, you're gonna get so busy, but also happy! This is the kind of busyness that's worth your Life Force~🫀Oh, and... if you're not there yet, this is the road that's gonna lead towards meeting your Destined Person. So~don't cower before the Gate of Happiness💖Kick that fucking door open if you must!

Little sparkles of Shine~🔻🧡

If, and if, you find yourself scared of even trying your luck in whatever endeavour is on your mind, think it this way:

Whatever the result may be, at least you took action, and that's proof enough of your not betraying your Soul's desires.

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 - Transform; Don't Look Back Anymore!

6 of Cups, XVI The Tower, 2 of Pentacles Rx & Priestess of Inspiration

As I was turning the cards and finishing taking their pic, the song Ready For Your Love by Gorgon City came up on my shuffled playlist. There's this part of the lyrics that resonated like a bomb even before I began channeling:

I'm ready for the start of something new/I'm ready to depart from what make me blue/I'm ready for my heart to let you through/But most of all, most of all/I'm ready for your Love~ do woop do woop

The lyrics in bold, my friend, is the reason The Tower card sits in the middle of your pile. Since you're ready anyway (you've been ready for a while now) this is more of a message of encouragement from your HS. That lil boost of confidence by acknowledging you're down the right path. You're gonna change your Life, right? Don't let reminiscence of the past hinder your progress. Plus, this PAC being the last part of this whole... Destined Person series(?) wants to let you know that you're only getting closer to them the further you go down this path🎉

The Tower card traditionally brings a sense of hopelessness for its message of destruction, but in your case, you can literally use the power of lightning to your advantage. Be that magician and power up your engine with the force of nature!⚡️Basically, this means you can work harmoniously with the benevolent will of the Cosmos, made clear through your connection with your HS🌞So long as you don't resist, your process should be easy...er.

It's only natural that you lose some people during the process of transformation, but who's to say you're gonna end up alone? In fact, you're making space for your Soul Fam members to come into your Life. I see a lot of cheer ahead of you! I think there's a quote that says something like, butterflies don't chill with caterpillars anymore. It's okay, you're turning into a butterfly, let the caterpillars blossom at their own pace, too. This pile's message is quite short, but an additional message can certainly be found in this PAC: ♥︎How You’ll Recognise Your Soul Fam

Little sparkles of Inspiration🔻💜

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 - Keep to Yourself and Build Your Kingdom!

5 of Pentacles Rx, Ace of Pentacles Rx, Knight of Pentacles & Priestess of Energy

-To think you've got all Pentacles (earth energy) and here's a hardworking Capricorn girl, Winter, in the picture🤯-

Whatever your dominant sign may be, I think this pile attracts people with strong Water placements. Maybe something like a lot of (or a few but important) planets in the 12th House, and the like. Basically, you have so much spiritual energy which you're still learning to manage. If you identify with being an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), even an empath, even more a Starseed, you may have this natural attractiveness to terrifyingly parasitic human beings. Something about your Watery energy is needed by those zombies who can't do anything to help themselves. And being so kind, you give and give of yourself until you run dry.

Your HS wants you to start taking responsibility of your own Life Force and keep to yourself! As you learn to take responsibility for your own capabilities and limitations, so will you learn that other people are JUST equally responsible for their own life choices. You can't save anybody, each one of us saves ourselves by the choices we make. Other people, at best, can only inspire us to take action! Remember that well. It's necessary to start implementing this mindset now because your HS is urging you to manifest your highest possible Destiny.

Destiny may sound like a destination, but contrary to popular understanding, your Destiny is not a place you arrive to after a great struggle. Destiny is essentially constantly created and recreated, reorientated, recalibrated as you make daily choices. Of course, if you somewhat stray or decelerate, your HS and team of Spirit Guides are gonna help you return to balance, so you can manifest the highest possible good in your Reality. If you continue to entertain other people's demands and expectations and sacrifice your own authenticity, that affects your manifestation. But the problem here is that you're always manifesting (you're simply too powerful not to manifest instantly), so in effect, other people's low-quality emanation of energy helps you manifest low-quality everyday reality.

Right now, your HS wants you to really think about this!🍱

Little sparkles of Conviction!🔻❤️

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Feel free to support me on Patreon if you love this kind of content🍑I create stories and tarot readings that calm the mind & heal from within🍒

[Back to Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

[random-imaginess]

Ahh I can’t believe I found someone who writes for Eli Goldsworthy!! I was wondering if you’d be interested in writing prompt 48 for him?

I LOVE Eli! I'm always disappointed that there aren't more writers who write for him, so I'll do it! ^_^ Thank you for sending in a request! I also have plenty of other requests for him, so keep an eye out! :D

You kicked yourself as you watched Eli across the courtyard. He was too invested in the the script he was writing to notice anyone else around him, but you've always secretly loved watching him when he was in his element. It was things like this that made you regret your attitude. You had been so distant lately and you didn't know how to deal with anything. You and Eli had been dating for about six months, which was a record for you. And everything was perfect. He was the greatest, most kind and understanding boyfriend you had ever been with. Definitely a change from type of guys you normally attracted. So it had you thinking constantly about how you weren't used to having someone be kind. You weren't used to having someone treat you the way you deserved to be treated, and that terrified you. You were in defense mode, self-sabotaging yourself and pulling away from the greatest thing you had ever experienced. He noticed, too. It didn't take a genius to know that something was up with you. But Eli being Eli, he gave you your space. Despite all of the petty arguments you always started, the bad attitudes, the cold behavior that he didn't deserve in the slightest, he was still there. At a distance, but he'd be right there the second you were comfortable enough to open up and talk to him. And you knew you could talk to him. You knew he would be open to listening to anything you had to say, more than willing to work on whatever needed to be worked on. He was far from perfect, but he was also the closest thing to it. You convinced yourself that you didn't deserve him. That you had way too much shit you had to work on before you could fully commit to a serious relationship, which was the direction you two were going. You could easily picture yourself being with him for a really long time, but something in you prevented you from getting anywhere. When the bell rang, you grabbed your things and headed for your last class of the day. If you could just get through another 30 minutes and make it out of the school without him seeing you, maybe you could go one more day without facing your issues. It would have needed to be enough time to figure out what the hell you were going to do. But when the final bell rang, you were stopped in the parking lot before you could reach your car. Hearing Eli call after you, you stopped in your tracks and let out a sigh. There was no way to avoid him now without blatantly ignoring him and leaving him standing there more confused than he already was. He called your name again and you finally turned to face him, giving him a light smile as he stopped in front of you. "Hey," you spoke first. The first time in what felt like weeks. "Yeah, hey.." He was confused as to how you could act like nothing had been happening. You were acting so strange and barely acknowledged it. "Is everything OK?" He got straight to the point. "Everything is fine, why?" "I don't know, maybe because you've been acting really strange lately? I don't know if I did something wrong to make you upset, but I think you've been avoiding me and I'd like to know why." You could always appreciate his bluntness, except maybe in this instance. You couldn't stand confrontation, and part of you wished you could just freeze him out and disappear. But that wasn't the mature way of dealing with this, and you knew he deserved better than that. You just didn't know how to start talking about it. Shifting in your spot, you looked around briefly at the other students heading towards their own cars and laughing with their friends. "I haven't been avoiding you, Eli, I've just been really busy. There's a lot going on right now, that's it." You looked at him and could see that he didn't believe you. "Why haven't you told me about anything? You know I would have helped you with anything you needed." "I didn't tell you because I don't have to." That came out more snippy than you intended. And the hurt expression on his face just made you feel worse. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just don't

want to have this conversation here, so can we at least go somewhere more private or something?" "Yeah, of course. We'll go to our spot." You nod and follow his lead as you make your way to set of benches just off campus. When you sit down, you're both quiet for a few minutes, knowing Eli was waiting for you to make the first move and explain why you had been acting weird. You had thought about how you were going to start so many times that it was all meshing together and nothing made sense. He was about to say something when you opened your mouth to speak. "Maybe it's time we break up." You blurted out. It wasn't what you wanted, but it was the easiest thing you knew how to do, and you were panicking. "Wait, what?" Eli was even more confused. "Just like that, you want to break up? No explanation for your behavior these past few weeks? No warning, that's it?" "It's not what I want, but I don't know what else to say! Yes, I've been acting weird and avoiding you, because I've been trying to figure out how to approach all this. I've had only a few relationships before you, ones that only lasted a couple months because they were assholes, and then you came along. I consider this relationship the first real one I've ever had. Six months is a long time, I think we're heading into more serious territory and I don't know how to cope with that."

At this point you didn't care if you made sense. You blurted out everything you needed to say and you would just go from there. "I don't want to ruin us. You're the first guy who's ever shown me real kindness and I don't want to mess that up." Your eyes started to burn as you felt tears well up. Eli scooted closer to you and grabbed your hands in an attempt to comfort you. It was all starting to make sense. "You're not going to ruin us. I won't let you ruin us. You're scared of this, but you don't have to be." His green eyes pleaded with you and you looked away, not being able to bare looking at them. You were terrified, but the last thing you wanted to do was throw everything away because of it. "Listen, these past six months have been incredible, and I'm the farthest from perfect when it comes to relationships. I don't know what I'm doing half the time, but I think the trick is just taking it one day at a time." He swiped away at the tear that escaped down your cheek and leveled his gaze with yours so you'd look at him. "We're gonna be fine." He smiled reassuringly. You nodded and wiped your face, letting your head rest on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry for being crazy. I know I should have come to you and talked about it, but.. I just-" "It's ok, really. You don't have to explain yourself, I get it. Stepping into unknown territory is a scary thing, but we got this." You looked up and smiled at him. "You really are wonderful, you know that? How did I get so lucky." "I think we both got lucky." You smiled and leaned into his chest, both of you sitting there for a few seconds before he nudged your arm. "Come on, I think The Dot has two chocolate milkshakes with our name on it."

[renohasbigtits]

Could you do the bros trying to woo their comically oblivious crush? Like the boys are trying to drop hints but SO just does not pick up on it unless the boys straight up say something like “I want to kiss you. On the mouth. Romantically.” (I just get a kick out of the “oblivious love interest” because I also don’t understand subtle hints lol)

This is sooo me. I’m Autistic so I miss when people are flirting with me 😅

Also you’d be surprised how many people how already done a Chocobros with a oblivious crush.

I almost denied this request because so many have done it already but why the hell not?

Here we goooo!

Noctis

He doesn’t know how much patience he has left. Your a lot more clueless than he thought...

He’s tried to flirt with you, but you just don’t pick up on them! He’s getting a bit frustrated.

“Is she/he/they doing this on purpose?!” he thinks.

Eventually, He turns to Ignis for help.

Ignis suggests that he should just straight up tell you how he feels.

It takes awhile but he finally builds up the courage to confess to you.

He invites you to his place and you curiously walk inside, unaware of what’s gonna happen.

“Noct... you said that you wanted to talk to me about something, is everything ok?”

Noct thought for a second before starting.

“Y/n...I really like you.”

“Aww! I like you to Noct!”

He annoyingly sighed.

“Seriously?” He said annoyed.

That caught your attention. Why was he annoyed?

“What’s wrong Noct?”

He turned to you and sighed one more.

“I have feelings for you.”

“I-

“I’m IN love with you Y/n.”

You were so shocked. You literally had no idea!

“Noct I-

“It’s fine. I know it’s sudden and probably weird and-

You stopped him mid-sentence and held his arm, tightly and lovely.

“I love you too, Noct.”

Poor baby. Frozen up like a scared kitty.

But it worked, so it was worth it.

“Me too Y/n.”

Prompto

He’s always had a thing for you but you didn’t seem to noticed.

Not like it was completely your fault.

Prompto has a very bad habit of self sabotaging himself, before he can tell you how he feels.

Until today!

He invited you to a photo shoot at the river and you were the model!

You were so excited to be his model but obviously, he planned to confess his feelings to you.

Once you both reached to the river, Prompto awkwardly turned to you and tried to make conversation.

“So uh... pretty weather today eh?”

“Yeah! Perfect day for pictures!” You smiled.

That smile. That smile he fell in love with.

He started blushing hard and you noticed it.

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling ok?”

“Oh uh..y-yeah! I’m just uh damn.” He swerved away. Ashamed that he failed again.

You didn’t understand what was wrong with him but you wanted to help him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Uhhh..” Oh my god, his face was red as a tomato.

“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on but I want you to know that it’s ok if you want to talk to me to about it. I’m all ears.”

“...”

“C’mon Prompto. Silence isn’t going to make me underst-

“WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?” He yelled out.

The sudden confession caught you off guard.

“Uh sorry! F-forget I said anything!” He awkwardly tried to playing it cool. Oh Prompto.

“Prompto.”

“...Yeah?”

You gave him a small peck on his freckled cheek.

“I’d would love to go out with you.”

Ignis

He said he would never fall in love. He dedicated his whole life to Noct. He didn’t need anyone else.

Well that was... until he met you.

You were so delicate. Did everything at ease. Calm and sweet, you were a beam of light.

A beam of light that went into Ignis’s heart. He fell in love.

He tried for so long to keep his feelings under wrap. He didn’t wanna come off as “unprofessional”.

But he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. True love was a rare thing you see, and it shouldn’t be wasted.

He didn’t wanna lose you.

He made a plan. Make a fancy dinner with your favorite food, drink, and most importantly,

Confess his feelings towards you.

Since he was very aware of your nativity, he thought that a direct approach would help.

You entered his small but nice little apartment, smelling the delicious food cooking.

“Ah! That smells so good!”

Ignis giggled. Your positivity was something he deeply admired about you.

“Why, thank you darling. It’ll taste good as it smells.” He smiled back at you.

20 minutes passed, it was done and your both sat done to eat this wonderful meal.

It was delicious! Every taste was like heaven! You loved it so much.

But one thing was confusing you; what was this for?

Ignis didn’t speak to you much. And when he did, it was professional and monotone.

Tonight was different. He was smiling and seem beaming with happiness.

It was a different side of Ignis. A side that was rare but you were lucky enough to see it.

“Ignis..”

“Yes Y/n?”

“This was such a great meal.” You started “I’ve never had such a great meal until now.”

Ignis nodded contently.

“..But...” That ‘but’ got Ignis’s attention. “But what is this for?”

Although you his face didn’t show much emotion, his eyes does all the talking.

His eyes basically said “There on to me.”

Ignis coughed before saying,

“I made to show my feelings towards.”

“Oh.” You said. Thinking he was just being kind and wanted to share his feelings about you in a ‘friendly’ way.

“Well, thank you for for meal. I’ll be going.”

Ignis’s eyes deepen. “They didn’t get it, did they?!”

Ignis realizing his plan was failing and not waiting to wait anymore, he got in front of the door.

“Y/n. Perhaps I should be more direct.”

“What do you mean? I thought it was-

“I have feelings for you, darling. For awhile, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“...Ignis..”

“I wanted to show my feelings through food but that didn’t work.” He chuckled a bit. Laughing at his own “failure”.

The realization hit you. The Ignis Scientia was in love with you?

“Ignis I-

“You don’t need to say anything darling. I was-

You interrupted him by giving him a big hug.

Any affection was foreign to Iggy and usually, unwanted. But this was the few exception.

You snuggled to his clothing. It was warm and comfortable.

“I love you Iggy.” You whispered to his chest.

Oh his heart was on fire tonight. His plan was a success.

“I love you too, Y/n.”

Gladiolus

This man was a known womanizer.

Every woman loved him and every man wanted to be him.

Who could blame them? He was strong, had a cool hawk tattoo, beautiful eyes and hair.

But he was also feared.

He looked intimidating. He could fight anyone if he wanted to.

But that’s a front.

Deep down, he’s a gentle giant underneath.

He wanted to love anyone just as anyone else wanted.

You saw the true Gladiolus.

A kind, smart, book reader, strong of course but more than his strength.

That’s what Gladio loved about you. You knew the Real Gladio.

He couldn’t help but fall for you.

But he was frustrated with his lack of progress with you, due to your lack of awareness to his feelings towards you.

He was sure he was so obvious but you mistook as “friendliness”.

He finally had enough and was going to tell you straight up, that he was in love with you.

“Y/n!” He called to you.

“Oh hi Gladly! What can I do for you today?”

“I love you.”

“Aww.” You touched. Gladio was never known to say ‘I love you’ especially to the people that were closest to him. “I love you to!”

“Really?!” He said suprised even that didn’t work!

“What?”

“You don’t get it do you?”

“What? What’s up?”

“I’m in love with you!” He looked at you with a little smirk seeing your shocked and embarrassed face.

“I didn’t know.” You whispered.

“I thought I was being kinda obvious!”

You stood there awkwardly and having a hard time looking into his eyes.

You felt embarrassed for not knowing sooner.

Gladiolus smugly said “it’s ok, just say you’ll go on a date with me.”

You giggled. His blunt humor seemed to calm your nerves.

“I would like to go on a date with you, Gladio.”

A/N: This is different eh? I want to try something new.

Hopefully you like it!

Also sorry this took so long! Depression is a real bitch :/









[deceasedanddesist]

unrequited ( lily evans )

this is for @strawberrywafer​‘s 300 writing challenge 

pairing: lily evans x griffyndor!reader

fem! reader ( pronouns are not specified )

warnings: lots of angst, not a happy ending, mentions of homophobia, lots of talk about emotional turmoil and pain.

notes: i love me some angst, especially if its sapphic. i personally have experienced being in love with your straight best friend and I may or may not have cried writing this. enjoy :)

word count: 2.2k

you were in love with your best friend. it was the most gut wrenching form of self sabotage that you could fathom, and the worst part was you couldn’t even be mad at her, or even james potter for that matter.

its not like you couldn’t see the appeal, i mean he was stuck in the same boat as you. almost. if you didn’t see her subtle double takes when he walked into a room or the lingering disappointment in her eyes when he did something ridiculously immature, you probably would have bought the half-hearted glares and demeaning nicknames. if only you hadn’t paid so much attention to her striking emerald eyes as she watched the back of his head at the first feast of seventh year, you probably would have been fooled along with everyone else.

that was when you knew you were royally fucked, because she just didn’t seem into it this year. at first you tricked yourself into thinking it was because she was finally sick of him after all the years of extravagantly expressing his undying love for her, but a few weeks into your final year at hogwarts you knew. you knew it wasn’t because she was tired of him, it was because she was tired of pretending she didn’t love him back.

so no, you weren’t mad at james potter, in all of his arrogant, quidditch all-star glory. and you weren’t mad at lily evans—but who were you kidding, you could never be mad at her. you realized the anger you felt, that burning, self destructive pit in your stomach, was directed at yourself.

how could you let this happen? it had been in fifth year when you realized the feelings you harboured towards your roommate were not something a friend should feel for a friend. you kicked yourself for it then and you do the same thing now, because you always knew the red-head talked about james potter too much for it to just be out of hatred. what was it that you were always telling her, “there’s a thin line between hate and love, lils”, and it felt like you took a stake to the heart when you found out that she began to look at him with something in her eyes that you knew oh-so well. it was the one thing you and potter had in common.

then they were together, it happened faster than you could say quidditch. one minute james potter was professing his love, as per usual, and none of your peers looked twice at the impromptu great hall confessional. well, until people realized lily wasn't yelling and calling him an ‘arrogant toerag’. 

you knew it was coming, and as much as you wanted to squeeze your eyes shut until they’d have to be pried opened by marlene, you forced yourself to watch as she finally said yes to the love of her life. you don't know why you did it, looking back, you would’ve walked out as soon as you came to the realization. maybe you felt you deserved it, after all, your parents aren't very supportive of who you love. maybe your mom’s world-crushing passive aggressive comments, or your dad’s suggestion about sending you away to some church town in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere were finally getting to your head. 

they found out this summer, unbeknownst to all of your friends and peers. you still aren’t quite sure what happened, all you knew was that they found a more than friendly unsent letter to a beautiful red-head, and you certainly didn’t think your life could get any worse.....until now. 

you hadn't realized your head had gone off into space until mary macdonald nudged you back into reality, giving you time to evaluate the situation. 

lily had sat back down and began to furiously blush, while james was getting patted on the back by people from numerous houses, even he himself looked quite shocked she actually agreed to go out with him. 

you told yourself you tried to listen to what lily was telling the group of girls, but in reality you were accumulating strategies in your head on how to slip away unnoticed to go cry somewhere. you didn't want to hear lily talking about where james was going to take her, and you certainly weren't gonna listen to her go on about how hard it was to keep up her resolve all of these years. 

so you left, and when you looked back, she hadn't even glanced your way. 

it didn't even come to a surprise to you that you were easily forgotten, and you hated yourself for it. you hated yourself for ignoring the obvious fact that lily evans and james potter were always meant to be together, and you hated that you would ignore factoring it into the equations you imagined in your head.

you hated being out of control, so you focused on the one thing you could. staying away from her. 

it was completely selfish. you knew it, and so did marlene, mary, and dorcas. but you didn't give them time to convince you, because in your head this was the only option to help you get over her. 

you walked into the dorm after you got confirmation lily was asleep, and you were gone before she woke up. lily didn't have any idea why and you almost felt bad for her, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. why? because she's the one that gets a happy ending, and the absence of one friend ( no matter how important you were to her ) isn’t going to fuck that up. 

you were unlucky enough to get the short end of the stick, and it made you want to scream. the pressure of doing good on your n.e.w.t.s so you don't have to spend another suffocating summer with your parents, and now, with all of this unexplained weight on your chest that you have yet to figure out how to get rid of. it was infuriating, and letting it all brew up inside yourself was bound to make a mess later. 

you knew that later would come eventually, but you never knew it would be in the form of james potter. 

the realization came to you as soon as you saw the look on his face as he walked towards you in the hallway outside of the potions classroom you just walked out of. he looked spooked almost, like he felt a severe sense of dread to have this conversation with you. 

“hey.” he dragged it out as the one word left his mouth. yup, definitely dreading this. 

“hi.” you matched his awkwardness, he cringed like he was realizing how stupid he sounded. “you’re here about lily.” 

you saved him the trouble. both of you didn't want to be here having this conversation, and he looked like he was on the verge of a stroke. not the confrontational type, you noted silently. 

“yeah,” he paused and took the time to observe your stance, his brows furrowed almost, like he was wondering why you were so nonchalant about this. “just here to clear up a few things.” 

it was your turn to furrow your brows. clear up a few things? why would lily send james to do her bidding? 

“I don't know what exactly needs to be cleared between us, potter.” you unintentionally spat his name out like it was poison to you. immediately deflating when you saw his face drop, this wasn’t his fault after all. 

“okay, it’s clear that you don't like me, but I don't know what that has to do with lily.” he paused once again before reluctantly continuing, “at first I thought it was because you fancied me-” 

his words were cut off by your laugh, “how heteronormative. no offence james, but you’re really far from my type.” 

his eyes widened, you nodded.

“if lily wants to ‘clear up a few things’ she can come to me herself.” 

you left with the last words, and a bewildered james potter as an added bonus.

it had been a few weeks since that conversation, and you didn’t think lily got the message. well, that was until she somehow bribed mary into telling you she went to sleep early and  managed to clear out the room. you guys always joked that she was the weakest link.

you were dissatisfied with yourself when you found that when you looked at her, all you could think about was how beautiful her eyes were. her red tresses appeared to be lazily thrown up into a bun, and she adorned some gryffindor pyjamas that the school provides you with every year.

you let out a breath you’ve been holding ever since the decision to distance yourself from her. it was like the weight you’ve been carrying was replaced with dread, because now you had to tell her, and you weren’t worried for your feelings, you were worried for hers. one think you knew for sure was that lily evans had an enormous heart, and it would be like passing the weight of your unrequited feelings onto her, and who would want someone they loved to deal with that.

“hi.” you decided to initiate the heavy exchange that was about to occur, you don’t know why you did it.

“we need to talk, y/n”

you just nodded. wanting to hear what she had to say first, you gestured to her meekly.

“i know you and james had a conversation, he told me,” she paused, seemingly collecting herself before she addressed the question that you knew she already knew the answer to. “i’m just a tad confused about the context of your side of it.”

“no you’re not lily.” you whispered it so softly you weren’t even sure she heard you, but the bit of breath she took in out of shock let you know she caught the innuendo.

“i-,” she collected herself once again, “i don’t know what to say, y/n.”

you looked down, because the pitying look she was giving you was going to make you mad if you looked at it any longer. with every utterance of your name, you felt a pang in your chest, the congestion of emotions finally clawing their way out. it was thick and it was coming out of you with the speed of a freight train, you broke the silence first.”

“look, you don’t have to say anything. i know you don’t reciprocate, and i’ve accepted it.” you hoped the one conversation you could never control the outcome of was over, and you did try to leave it at that by walking to your trunk and grabbing your night clothes, but something lily said stopped you.

“why did you keep this from me?” she seemed a bit angry, and the shock of it rolled through you as you processed the tone in which she spoke.

but to her surprise you just let out a wet laugh, wishing she would just let it go and let you sob it out in peace, but before you could even open your mouth to speak she did it for you.

“you just ignored me, like i had no business knowing that you feel this way towards me. it could have been different, you know.” she looked like what she said pained her to do so, and you hated it.

the tears were already flowing freely down your cheeks when you turned back around to face her,

“i was right here lily, by your side all along but you never saw me, did you?” you were full on snot nosed crying now, but you continued anyways.

“i know you’re angry because i’ve been ignoring you, but i just want you to be happy, and that can’t happen if you know i’m in love with you.”

“why-”

“because i’m around you constantly, lily. you’d never forgive yourself for not reciprocating, so we’re better off like this.” she looked like she was gonna disagree, so you added “i know you, and you know it’s true too.”

she took one unconscious step closer to you, to which you stepped back.

“just let me go,” you begged, “it’s better this way, i promise.”

she took one good look at your tear stricken face, “how can you know this is better y/n, look at you.”

you wiped your nose on your sleeve, “i’ve been dealing with this for so long. just let me go, if not for your sake, do it for mine.” she wasn’t going to let up until you looked at her and attempted to once again beg, but it just came out as a silent plea overcome by your fresh tears.

you just looked down, waiting until you heard her footsteps out the door to let your knees give out.

you really hoped all this pain would be better for you in the long run.

[forasecondtherewedwon]

3 Simple Rules for Dating a Centenarian

Fandom: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Pairing: Sam Wilson/Bucky Barnes Rating: T Word Count: 2374

Summary: After seeing Steve's shield handed over to some stranger, Sam calls up Bucky, certain he's the one person who can properly commiserate. He doesn't really expect Bucky to answer though (the guy's become a bit of a recluse), or to hear the hints that he might be missing Sam as much as Sam's been missing him. Not that he'd ever say it straight out.

Sam is almost completely still as the feelings rattle through him like a roller coaster’s last run on a derelict track. He only lets it out—the blend of frustration, betrayal, and regret—in the way his fingers squeeze his knee through his jeans, skin damp against the denim. Keeping his hands clasped, and watching those clasped hands, was more grounding, but he needs one of his hands to hold the phone to his ear, and that activity is getting pretty damn tired.

Bucky’s voicemail clicks on for the third time in a row.

“Bucky,” Sam says, “I know you prefer calls to texting, so what are you doing ignoring me, man? Haven’t used your cell in so long that you’ve forgotten how to hit the answer button? At least it rang. That’s something, I guess.”

He sighs away from the speaker where it won’t be recorded for Bucky to hear later. Maybe he did divert his message from the snarky sarcasm he was planning to leave the guy, but Bucky doesn’t need to hear him sigh on top of that.

For a few moments, Sam taps his foot along with the muffled music of his nephews’ video game coming through the closed door. He knows the boys’ routine (and if he ever forgets, he sees the copy Sarah has on the fridge door) and that this isn’t their usual scheduled time for whatever they’re playing out there. Best guess: Sarah wants them hogging the TV so she won’t be tempted to peek at that government-sanctioned shitshow. Sam can’t blame her. Actually, he wonders if she blames him. The disappointment was so clear in her eyes before he stopped making himself meet them. He thought he was doing the right thing when he handed the shield over. Are there people out there who think he’s let them down, or just his sister? Just himself?

He can’t talk to Sarah right now and he’s thankful that she’s giving him some time to himself, but as soon as he got it, he realized he didn’t know what to do with it. Just like that shield. Dialing Bucky over and over—tapping in every number every time because that appears to be part of this pity ritual he’s performing—seemed like the thing he should do. Probably won’t answer. That asshole is terrible at staying in touch. Still, Sam’s heart feels a little heavier with every word closer he gets to the end of this message. Feels like he’s trying to keep the thing afloat in his chest, like his parents’ boat down at the dock. This is what he knows he should do when everything in him wants to sink—reach out, talk to people. Kinda self-sabotage when he picks the one person almost guaranteed not to answer.

Oh, he’ll hear back from Bucky eventually, probably a handful of choppy texts sent in the middle of the night two weeks from now. Sam knows his pattern; Bucky’s chattiest between 3am and 4am, so chatty that what are likely intended as longer blocks of text arrive in broken fragments because he wants to make everything into neat paragraphs, like he’s writing a damn letter, instead of just getting to the point, but he hits send too soon. Sam would teach him—with plenty of mocking and name-calling, but he would teach him—only while he’s been running ops all over the planet, Bucky’s shrunk his own world way down. He’s gone local to the extreme and it aggravates Sam, even though Bucky isn’t his responsibility, isn’t his other inheritance from Steve. It’s sorta just easier to feel like Bucky is a misplaced bequest than to acknowledge that maybe he misses the guy and his sharp-shooter’s eye and his caveman hair. He can’t keep calling him.

“Thought I’d give you a heads-up,” Sam says, voice weary with this half-true excuse. “Maybe you already saw.” He clears his throat and says quickly, “Anyway, guess I’ll hear from you when I hear from you.”

He’s pulling the phone away from his head and has barely ended the call when it’s ringing in his hand. He answers and catches Bucky’s voice saying his name before it’s even back up to his ear.

“Bucky?” Sam says. “You have a senior’s moment and forget where you left your phone?”

“Nah,” Bucky says. “I saw it was you and decided to ignore it.”

“But you called back.”

“You wouldn’t quit calling. Seemed like you needed me to tell you directly to knock it off.”

“Jackass.” Sam’s gaze darts to the door, but it’s still shut. No chance Sarah saw him grinning over this easy banter. Always the banter with this idiot. Always easy. He sniffs and turns his chair away from the black TV screen. “Did you see that joker on the news?”

Bucky’s either less self-conscious or more inept because he sighs right into the mouthpiece, an exhausted breath in Sam’s ear that has his fingers fleetingly digging into his knee.

“Couldn’t believe that shit,” Bucky tells him in a rough voice. He’s clearly holding back his own feelings about today’s events and, from the sounds of it, they’re more along the lines of anger, hurt, and a simmering desire to wrench the shield from the arm of the new Captain America. “You know that thing’s supposed to be yours.”

“You saying I should’ve done something to stop it?” Sam demands.

“Coulda.”

Sam forces his shoulders to drop, draws a slow breath in and pushes it back out.

“It wasn’t mine anymore, if it ever was. I gave it to the Smithsonian. They sealed it in this glass case and added it to the exhibit.”

“Not a very tight seal.”

“Guess not,” Sam agrees.

“You shouldn’t have turned it over,” Bucky says. Sam’s silent, frowning, and Bucky goes on. “Forget about the shield being given to somebody else—it shouldn’t have even been in a glass case. Doesn’t belong there.”

“I do just fine without it,” Sam assures him. The practicalities of carrying that shield around are more straightforward to discuss than his yawning uncertainty in the face of Steve’s legacy and his place relative to it. “The shield would only get in the way of the wings.”

“You and those wings.”

“Hey, they carried me over Tunisia recently. Show some respect.”

“Didn’t hear about that,” Bucky says in a tone that’s difficult to interpret, though Sam squints thoughtfully as he listens.

“Yeah, well, I shouldn’t even be telling the likes of you, but it was discrete. As far as the major players are concerned, I was never there.”

“So it was illegal?”

Sam’s head tips back as he laughs hard.

“Why, you wanna turn me in?” he jokes. “Working on the government’s trust? What’s the next level up from a pardon? Knighthood?”

“You are such a pain in the ass,” Bucky groans, which really does make Sam smile.

“I’m sure it would’ve been illegal if you were there,” he says automatically. Too fast, his imagination fills it in, a fictional alternative materializing in his mind. Him and Bucky, cocky in reckless freefall. Him and Bucky, fighting back-to-back in a plummeting aircraft. Sam screening Bucky from enemy fire with his wings. Bucky deflecting a stray bullet with his arm before it could hit Sam.

“Nah, I can’t do that no more.”

“Uh huh. I’m sure you’re an angel.”

“Anybody get hurt?” Bucky asks.

Sam glances through the window at the blue sky, the truck rolling unhurriedly past with the driver’s arm hanging out to catch the sun. Beautiful day. He remembers a kick that sent a guy through the door of the plane, sucked out into the sky, another guy tossed aside who tried to fight him in midair, and a helicopter aflame as it went down. He shrugs and figures Bucky’ll hear the gesture in his voice.

“Nobody who didn’t know the risks.”

“Of going up against Captain America?” Bucky probes. Sam rolls his eyes.

“You know, that would almost be a compliment if you got my name right.”

“Don’t tell me you’re not using the name just to avoid compliments from me.”

“I honestly can’t say which one would feel more wrong,” Sam says, passing a hand over his head as he leans back in his chair, “calling myself Captain America or hearing a little overdue praise from you.”

“I’m not really a words guy. Ask my therapist.”

Sam sits with that for a second. He’s happy that Bucky’s talking to someone. He needs it, badly, after decades of violence and being belted into the passenger seat of his own brain. It’s more than Bucky’s ever admitted to him before, but Sam would bet—and bet big—that seeing some stranger named as Steve’s successor today has gotten to Bucky as much as it’s gotten to him. Something like that is bound to open Bucky up a little. He’s the only other person Sam can imagine the news having such a monumental impact on.

“You could try words,” he goads, not wanting to leave Bucky hanging more than a few seconds after his admission. “What else do you have if you don’t feel like being a human action figure?”

“I have my system. My rules.”

“Oh yeah? What rules?”

“Three of ’em,” Bucky informs him. “Nothing illegal. Nobody gets hurt. Making amends for the actions of the Winter Solider.”

“You don’t have to make amends for something you—”

“Don’t. It… helps.”

And who is Sam to question what’s helping Bucky? After the multiple-lifetimes’ worth of hell the guy’s been through?

“Good for you, man,” Sam offers softly.

“Save it, Sam.” The words are clipped but light. Sam grins.

“No words for me either? You more comfortable with me sticking to actions? How are we supposed to talk to each other when you don’t come to Tunisia with me?”

“Wasn’t invited,” Bucky quips back.

“You mighta been if you answered your phone more often. I’m not gonna send you the details to a covert operation in a text.”

“You wanted me in Tunisia?”

“You get shit done,” Sam acknowledges simply. You wanted me in Tunisia? echoes in his head. His heart’s bobbing like a buoy now. You wanted me in Tunisia? You wanted me?

“Not like that.”

“‘Not illegal,’” Sam repeats. “‘Nobody gets hurt. Making amends.’”

“Right. Can’t do any of that.”

“Well, I’m glad this regime’s working for you, but you have to admit it’s weird that I saw more of you when we were fighting alien hordes.”

“What can I say?” Bucky asks in a tone that seems to consciously flatten the charm out of it. “I’m old-fashioned now.”

Sam snorts.

“You were old-fashioned then.”

“I assume you had a team on the ground.”

“I had to,” Sam says over the sound of a squabble in the other room. Immediately, he can hear Sarah’s voice rising slightly above, breaking it up. Just like that, there’s the looping music of the video game again. She’s raised those boys well. “Couldn’t wait around for you.”

“I might show up if you asked me on better dates.”

“It wasn’t a date, it was a goddamn op.”

It’s startling to hear the sound of laughter. Not hearty, deep, rich, or loud, but definitely laughter. Bucky laughs? Sam backtracks a minute. Bucky makes jokes? About dating? About the two of them dating? Evidently, that is something he’s capable of, along with returning calls during daylight hours.

Sam shifts in his seat.

“You could come around sometime,” he suggests, nervously rubbing a hand up and down his thigh. “If you like fish and you’re ever in Louisiana.”

“I do like fish,” Bucky says. “I’ve been going to this sushi place a lot lately.”

It’s not his taste that surprises Sam—it’s the readiness with which he responds to the invitation. He would’ve sooner guessed that Bucky would tell him to shove it up his ass. In a joking way, but still.

“On dates?” Sam asks, telling himself he’s providing some good-natured hassling and that it has nothing to do with the odd feeling he got when Bucky’s joke about them dating caught up with him.

“One. Mostly, I go with Mr. Nakajima.”

“And that’s not a date?”

Sam laughs and wishes he could shut his own mouth as firmly as he’s (many times) told Bucky to shut his.

“I’m pretty sure he’s in his eighties, so he’s more age-appropriate for me than most people, but I murdered his son,” Bucky says grimly.

“Amends?” Sam guesses, adjusting his tone to cope with Bucky’s emotional switchback.

“I haven’t told him yet, but, yeah, I’m working on that.”

They’re both working on something, Sam thinks. Both confronting something that feels too big to tackle—the decision not to announce himself as the new Captain America, guilt for assassinations Bucky had no control over but which span the better part of a century. Sometimes it seems to Sam that they go up against the easiest situations as a team and face the hardest stuff alone. But he called Bucky, and Bucky called back.

“You could bring some of those amends down here and trade them for a snapper dinner,” Sam proposes, aiming for irritatingly cheerful to pull Bucky back out of the dark.

“What do I have to make amends to you for?”

“Being a dick. I’ll text you my sister’s address.”

Sam swiftly ends the call. There are two possible sources to which he can attribute the small surge of adrenaline he feels: hanging up on Bucky and the fact that he might’ve just asked him on a date. When Sam dialed, he knew it was because he didn’t want to do this alone, but he thought that meant watching the appointment of an upstart Captain America. Although he believed he could count on Bucky’s understanding today and for the near future, asking him down to have dinner with Sarah and the boys (or tricking him into it, since he didn’t exactly say it’d be a thing with the whole family) lengthens the timeline. Near future? Inviting Bucky to meet his family and see where he grew up means recognizing that he’ll be in his life a little longer. Alone? Sam might forget the meaning of the word.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 32

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Summary: Stephen Strange being a grown-up. Reader being a grown-up. Kind of. Revenge plot starts now - don't be like the mercenary, don't threaten reader's family. Avengers being good.. bros? Good found family idk. More smut + plot coming soon.

The silence hung awkwardly over us. Stephen wasn't the one to wax poetics, usually, and I wasn't in the mood to do anything but curl up somewhere warm, chug a bottle of liquor and fall asleep. Sleep is like death without the committment and after my little outburst, I inwardly prayed and begged for the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Instead, I was directed to sit and drink my tea by the sorcerer, who, by the way, was beginning to look like a kicked puppy.

It was starting to become unbearable. "I'm listening," I finally croaked out, shocked at how raspy my voice sounded. As if someone had forced me to choke on some nails - and I felt like it, too. My hands were shaking, all but spilling the hot tea onto them.

"Princess..." His mouth did the thing when he was worried, lips pursed, their corners upturned. "What we did was not... Right, you were drugged without your consent. I am sure Tony feels the same way."

My eyebrows rose, words bubbling up to the surface as I fought the urge to simply start calling Stephen some strong names. Had he been blind the whole time I flirted with him, had he not seen both me and Tony ogling him when we thought nobody could see? Every time I joked about the sexual tension between them - you know what they say, every joke has a little bit of truth in it.

Or maybe the sorcerer had used the incident as a convenient excuse for our little fuck-fest to be a one-time thing? I expected more, I won't lie, but I wouldn't put it above him. I knew all too well that some men tended to simply... Avoid.

I was angry, probably rightfully so, but it was not the time for me to comfort an adult man. My own life was going to shit, I had no mental energy to unburden his baseless guilt. It was selfish and it made me feel even more like shit, but it was as if someone had flipped a switch inside of me. I just didn't care about someone's heartbreak. I needed to solve another problem, a much bigger than a man that couldn't make up his mind.

I had to find that damn mercenary. It was the only real threat hanging over our heads; unlike any mission that I've seen the team go on before, they had thrown all the forces into catching the man that had gotten into their safe space, their home. That threatened to take what they thought as theirs. Long gone were the days of comfortable domesticity.

"Okay," I replied, nodding curtly. "I wanted it, if it helps any. I thought you were attractive the first day I saw you." I spoke bluntly, beginning to feel like myself more and more with each word that I spoke. "And again, no strings have to be attached. I'm sure Tony will understand it too, it's not his first rodeo."

Stephen's head shot up from where he was examining his clasped hands, to study me with furrowed brows. Cloaky moved where it was wrapped around me, attracting the sorcerer's attention - I, unfortunately, did not understand the Cloak's sign language and what it told Stephen remained a mystery to me. I was just delighted to be out of the cold and and wet clothes.

"I think you misunderstood me," Stephen eyed me with surprise. "I want more, but..." He trailed off, unsure. "I don't know. I'm surprised Banner hasn't gone green on me yet. I'm a doctor, I should have known..."

So, he was pulling a me and wallowing in pity. Is this really how pathetic I looked when I used to mope around the house earlier? No wonder my mother thinks I'm a baby. "Stephen, I'm really not in the mood to listen to bullshit. I wanted it, you wanted it, great, we can move on. Because with everything that has happened to me, I really have no energy to convince you I like you even while sober when you're sabotaging yourself." Sure, I might have ripped off the motivational speech from a self-help book my mother used to have laying around. My patience was wearing thinner with each second. "There, I said it. I like you, my boyfriends like you, you're welcome to the club if you decide to believe the fact that I am telling the truth." And if he wouldn't, well, I could get over it. I was planning to never act upon my feelings for both Tony and Bruce, it hadn't been as hard as I thought it would be. Especially with me being busy enough to just ignore the feelings.

At some point, I had grown attached to Stephen. Perhaps, if I and Tony hadn't decided to mess around with the sorcerer at the party, my feelings wouldn't have bloomed into anything more than physical attraction. Murphy's law had a particularly strong affinity on me, I noticed, because over and over I found myself falling head over heels for emotionally unavailable men. It worked out with Tony, which wasn't as surprising as one might expect, considering we're two halves of a whole idiot, but then Bruce also decided to pucker up - Stephen was bound to be the rock that I trip on.

Or not? Soft lips pressed against my forehead, beard hair softly tickling the tip of my nose. I was pressed against a solid chest, surrounded by warmth and comfort. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot," Steph whispered, voice quivering.

"Well, it's not like this... Relationship... I've got going on is something commonplace," My arms wrapped around him, a deep sigh relaxing my body into his. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't right."

Stephen chuckled, all but pulling me bodily into his lap. "Don't worry, Princess. I deserved it." As he spoke, the Cloak carefully unwrapped itself from me, drifting away with a parting pat on my back. "Now what happened with your parents?" Large palms pushed the hair out of my face, stormy blue eyes looking at me with worry.

"I should probably assemble all my significant others for this conversation," There was little enthusiasm in discussing the incident. I was an adult and had enough money to get by for a few months, at least until I could patent one of my inventions. I had plenty of knick-knacks that should be able to interest buyers, that much I knew, and while the legal side of the process was a blank slate to me, I knew I could be charismatic enough to have someone work it out for me.

"I don't think I'll be able to take Steve seriously when he says 'assemble', now," My third boyfriend chuckled, which - wow, I didn't have boyfriends and now I had three? Should I be considering opening a factory or something? Stephen adjusted his hold on me. "Let's go, I'll portal us in."

"My car's out there with all my stuff. I'll have to drive," I protested but made no move to get out of his lap.

"Tony is a billionaire, he can pay someone to retrieve it," Shrugging carelessly, he produced a golden circle of magic, the common room couch in plain sight at the other side of it. I heard voices and then Clint's head peaked through, a curiously tilted eyebrow morphing into full fledged face of confusion upon seeing the two of us.

Yikes. I had forgotten about the state of my dress and the bruise on my cheek. "Hey, bird. I need a drink," I said the first thing that popped into my mind, causing both Clint and Steph to laugh as the sorcerer carried me into the tower through the portal.

"I'm starting to think you go out there and look for trouble on purpose," The archer sighed, pulling out his phone and texting rapidly. Mine vibrated, too, once he was done, which meant he'd called for a family meeting. Blergh.

In no time, Tony appeared, dark circles under his eyes and yesterday's shirt on, towing a worried Bruce behind him. One after the other, the Avengers tickled in, looking restless and exhausted. Loki's frown was well on its way to becoming a full sneer.

"Talk, please," He requested, eyeing me with concern.

"Good news is I got our rogue wizard back," I poked Stephen in the chest. He was blushing. "Bad news is my mother threw me out and my father didn't pick up the phone, so technically I'm homeless and parent-less," I decided that spitting out straight facts was the easiest way to go about it. I mean, there was no good way to tell what I just told them.

The storm that I anticipated didn't appear. Just a lot of disappointed sighs all around, especially from Tony, who looked twenty years older after I'd confessed to the current state of my affairs. "You're not homeless, you live here," He pointed out, rubbing his face and muttering some very strong words under his nose. Particularly, the expressions involved my mother and various methods of fornication.

"We got your back, doll," Bucky nodded, coming over to wrap me in a gentle hug. He was like a brother from another mother to me at this point, kind and goofy and sensible. "I would propose to teaching that harpy a lesson but I think she's beyond it."

"Perhaps it's for the best," Loki mused suddenly. "If I recall correctly, your mother was against your career of choice, which is idiotic. Science is a noble and prospective path." The Asgardian, too, gave me a hug.

I wasn't crying! There were ninjas, in the vents, cutting onions! "Stop it guys, I'm gonna cry. I already look like shit!" The protest was silenced by Bruce's lips on mine, his tiny smile briefly covering my mouth with tenderness. After that, everybody somehow decided it was their job to try and make me cry; like a bad bitch, I resisted, but eventually broke and started sniffling when Tony began rambling about building me my own lab and Wanda offered to help me decorate my new apartment.

No matter how much my mind screamed at me to refuse, I forced that noise down. Fighting against myself, accepting help despite feeling unworthy of it - it was probably the hardest thing I've done in my whole life.

Bruce volunteered to carry my prone body to Tony's bedroom which was quickly becoming the master bedroom for the three of us - ever since the incident, both of my scientists stuck close to me whenever possible, aggressively cuddling me whenever they decided it was time to get some sleep. Which wasn't much these days, if I was being honest. Persuading Bruce to stay with me was a novelty - usually he didn't resist, but that time, I had to repeat myself multiple times that the team could handle business even without him being present.

I had my ulterior motives, of course. Tony and Stephen needed to talk. I only hoped their egos wouldn't clash without me to mediate - having two boyfriends start a fight wasn't something I wanted to experience. I had zero experience in those matters and had no idea how to manage all that. Are there handbooks for polyamorous relationships? I stuck a mental post-it note inside my brain to check it out.

I fell asleep with Bruce wrapped around me and woke up in the same position, having been too exhausted to move even in my sleep. Voices, rough and quiet, were the first thing I heard upon syncing my brain into a resemblance of a working order, instantly recognizing Stephen's deep baritone and Tony's teasing drawl.

"Expect either Reindeer Games or Kim Possible to come and terrify you," My engineer didn't sound particularly ecstatic. His voice came from somewhere around my feet; the hand wrapped around my ankle, thumb gently stroking the skin, must've been his.

"Duly noted," Stephen's reply was equally sarcastic, sounding a little closer. The warmth coming from my side was him. I could smell the faint spices that surrounded him, smell that I'd come to associate with the Sanctum.

Bruce snored away, not a care in the world.

My body, on the other hand, felt rested for what felt the first time in years. A pleasant ache in my muscles had me begrudgingly squirm out of Banner'd grasp, shamelessly pushing up into Stephen as I stretched with a juicy yawn. "What's poppin'?" I rubbed my eyes, finding the men awake looking at me with fond amusement.

"Just watching," Tony smiled, causing me to giggle at his accidental meme-ing. Was it even accidental? I refused to believe that a man well versed in IT was oblivious to meme culture.

Stephen, on the other hand... "We've discussed some things, wanted to talk to you too." His hand stroked my hair, face expression soft unlike anything I'd ever seen him have. "But you were sleeping. So cute."

Me, cute? There was a puddle of drool the size of a dollar bill on my pillow, I was pretty sure some of it had even gotten in Bruce's hair. Banner's sleep was quiet except for every five minutes when he'd let out a snore with a force somewhere between a Mack truck and a whale in mating season.

Cute, sure.

Bruce groaned, a tell-tale sign of him waking up. I met his eyes, brown, shiny, a narrow edge of green around his irises. Huh. Do I have three boyfriends or four?

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​@sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias

[yourcoffindoor]

Bulletproof Heart Pt.4

AN: YAY its finally here! Thank you so much to everyone for reading and for your patience! This is the final part of this series. enjoy <3

"Y/N?" a gentle tap on the wall outside your bunk. It was Liz. "We have an interview with Spin in like 5 minutes."

You groaned and pulled your wrinkled sheet over your face, turning away from the sound of her voice, soft and hesitant as though she were afraid the slightest noise would shatter you further.

"You guys go without me," was your muffled reply, "I've hogged the spotlight enough anyway."

" Are you sure? They'll probably be pissed the lead singer isn't there."

"Then let them be pissed."

Liz lingered in silence for a moment before deciding it was best to leave you be. It had been a couple of weeks since you'd found out about Alex's little foray into filmmaking, and a gush of old trauma had emerged new again. All the work you had put in to rebuild yourself and to forge a new life had all but crumbled away in a matter of minutes, and you isolated yourself in response.

You stopped leaving the bus because of the stares. Once rumors had gotten out that there was video footage of you doing the deed, people seemed to glance over at you before whispering insidious somethings among their companions. You didn't need to hear their conversations to know just how humiliating their words were. Things took a turn for the worse when reporters began to have the audacity to ask you about the video, probing into if you were in a relationship with Alex. It was then that you realized he had sabotaged your moment, your success, and made it all about him.

You began to miss a few shows, something you had never done before. But you just couldn't bring yourself to give a damn. Your bandmates kept their distance, realizing you needed your space; but their concern was permanently painted on their faces.

"Hey Y/N," Gavin spoke hesitantly one afternoon, "You know...Gerard's been asking about you."

The sound of his name made your heart beat quicker. You hadn't made an effort to see him since the video came out. "Oh?"

"Yeah he really wants to see you. He's worried about you...we all are."

"I'm fine." you said curtly. "I mean, tell him not to. I'm fine. I just need to be alone."

"You sure? I think some social interaction might do you some good--"

"Gavin, I want to be alone. Please."

He merely nodded before heading out the bus door, finally giving you what you asked for.

Out of respect for the fans, you managed to pick yourself for performances again, but it felt like you were merely going through the motions, your passion nearly extinguished. You became angry at yourself for feeling this way, like you were giving up on yourself and your goals. Between sadness and guilt, there was no bright side you could look to as an escape.

Then, you ran into Alex.

This was what you had really been dreading. You knew how smug he must be, knowing he must've gotten under your skin, his favorite place to be. You'd snuck out of the bus for some much needed fresh air, but you didn't need to go far before you heard your name being called.

"Y/N! wait up!" a chill shot down your spine. You didn't turn around. Instead, you began walking faster.

"Hey, hey, hold on a second--" He grasped your arm, but you pulled it back so quickly it seemed to surprise him.

"Leave me the fuck alone."

"C'mon don't be mad."

You couldn't help but laugh at the nerve of his comment. "How could I not be? I didn't even know you had filmed me. I didn't get to agree to any of this! And then you decide to make it public? And you," you said, angry tears building up to a waterfall, pushing a fist into his chest, "you are a nightmare that won't go away! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Alex was calm-- So calm that it only angered you further. "You're thinking about this the wrong way. The publicity could be great--I mean people are already eating it up. They love us together. Honestly? I did us both a favor." He smirked, making your skin crawl. "But there's something else, Y/N. Something you should remember." He leaned forward, speaking into your ear in a low, serpentine voice, "This is what happens when you think you can go off and make something of yourself without me."

You were speechless, your stomach dropping as if it had been kicked. "You're disgusting. I'm leaving."

"Going to see your friend Gerard? Hey, ask him what he thinks of our movie for me. I'm making another one with some My Chem fans anyway." He spoke to you with your back turned, already walking away, but you could hear him smiling.

You halted in your steps, torn between slapping Alex across the face, crying, or simply walking away. After a deep breath and far more self control than you knew you possesed, you chose the latter, swiftly walking back towards your bus to isolate once more.

****

The sun was revolting.

That was the first thought when Gavin flung open the curtain that marked the border of your bunk, your own personal ecosystem that no one had dared enter for the past few weeks. He kneeled on your mattress and reached over you to open the blinds on your wall, and you winced as the sun struck your face like a laser.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N!"

"Gavin, its August."

"Well it might as well be Christmas when you hear what I have to tell you."

You groaned and rubbed your eyes. "What is it? I'm prepared to be underwhelmed."

"I didn't even need to open that window! There's that bright and sunny optimism we've come to know and love."

You hit him with a pillow. "Out with it."

"Alex got--"

"ALEX GOT KICKED OFF WARPED TOUR!" Liz shouted, bursting into your bunk from out of nowhere.

"What the hell Liz! I wanted to tell her!"

"Too slow!"she teased.

Your head was reeling. "Wait, wait, wait....what? How?"

"Don't know all the details but it definitley had to do with his...activities. Turns out he was asking underage fans to flash him and his band to get backstage and shit. Someone snitched I guess, thank god. The whole band's been kicked off and banned from Warped tour.

For the first time in forever, you laughed.

You practically cackled. You laughed so much that it felt like you couldn't stop.

"I think we broke her." Liz muttered to Gavin.

"That's fucking amazing." you said, wiping tears from your eyes.

"It is, and its good to hear you laugh again." Gavin said. "Come out with us later, to celebrate."

"I will sometime, but I'm still not quite ready. People are gonna try to ask me questions, I just know it. I'm still not up for it."

Liz and Gavin nodded. "We'll be here when you are."

***

Later that afternoon a few quick knocks sounded from the bus door. You debated getting up to answer it, but human interaction was the last thing you wanted right now. There were a few more small knocks; and you able to ignore the unwanted visitor until, after a moment of silence, something slid under the door. Once you heard their footsteps disappear into the distance, you peeled yourself from your nest on the couch to investigate.

It was a white envelope with your name scrawled across the front. You hesitated for moment, wondering if another piece of your past was about to jump out and bite you. But after steeling yourself you pressed on, your fingers swiftly retrieving the mysterious contents.

You immediately smiled. It was a card with a drawing of you on the front, in a style that was unmistakably Gerard's. You were on stage wailing into the mic, confidently waving your middle finger. You couldn't help but laugh.

Fuck em all. The world needs you out there. If you're feeling up to it, come to our set tonight.

Hope to see you there.

-G

You closed the card and reveled in the much needed buzz of happiness it gave you. Gerard. You thought he would've have been angry with you since you had all but ghosted him these past few weeks, but that clearly wasn't the case. Your legs wanted to run after him, but you as you were covered in dorito dust and sadness, you decided to stay put. You'd make yourself somewhat presentable and then see their performance tonight.

***

You stood just off stage,  just hidden enough in your oversized hoodie to feel comfortable. Right before they began their set, Gerard turned and saw you, eyes widening with a glad surprise as though he hadn't thought you'd actually come. His expression quickly melted into a welcoming smile, and you couldn't help but break out into soft grin of your own.

The band greeted the crowd, already energized and cheering them on. You'd expected them to launch into a song, but instead Gerard began speaking.

"This is a special set tonight guys, because someone very important to me is here. Someone so strong, so kickass that sometimes I wonder if she's even a real fucking human being." He glanced over at you, eyes electric and impassioned, immediately i heat rise to your shrouded cheeks. "Well some asshole tried to hurt her. Tried to make her feel small. But I want her to remember she's too fucking amazing to ever let someone make her feel that way."

You could feel the sting in your eyes as tears began to build.

"And that goes for all of you out there, cause these same assholes have been messing with fans too. So if you ever see shitty ass rock dudes in shitty ass rock bands asking you to show them your tits for backstage passes, I want you to spit right in their fucking faces and yell 'FUCK YOU!”

The crowd went crazy, and you couldn't help but let out a small cheer as well, despite the tears streaming down your face.

"Y/N," Gerard breathed, "This is for you." and with that, the band launched into one of the most passionate sets you'd ever seen. You stayed for it all, loving every moment. As soon as it was finished, Gerard thanked the crowd and made a beeline off stage, directly where you had been stationed all evening.

His eyes were dancing with happiness at the sight of you, pumping with the adrenaline of performing, sweat still dripping from his dark hair. "Hi," he said,pausing for amoment as though he was holding back from so much more, "you came!"

"After the invitation I received? How could I not?"

"So you liked it?"He beamed, his cheeks, pink from exertion, reddened further. "I wanted to do like a mini comic but I ran out of time." As he grinned, fresh crimson gleamed from a small split in his lower lip. What you thought had been makeup turned out to be a genuine injury.

"You're bleeding." you observed softly.

His brows furrowed in confusion, a finger darting to his lip. He dabbed it, smearing blood onto his chin.

"Damn, again? Don't worry, it's nothing."

You didn't hesitate to grab a tissue from your pocket, step forward and gently press it against his cut. He looked down at you with affection, causing you to look away as your heartbeat picked up its pace. Instead you analyzed his face and noticed it was patterned with small bruises.

"Doesn't look like 'nothing' to me. What happened?"

It had been just the two of you speaking intimately just off stage, but crew and media began pouring through and milling about the area. You realized just how close you were standing to Gerard, and pulled your hand back when you noticed people watching. A pew passerbys patted Gerard on the back, offering their compliments of the band's performance. He quickly thanked them, barely turning his attention from you, afraid you might run off. He grabbed your hand, leading you to a quiet area.

"I may have gotten into a fight."

"What!? You don't even leave your bus, how did you get into a fight?"

"I had to. Someone very important to me was being hurt."

You stared at him for a moment, putting the pieces together in your head. Gerard knowing about the video, Alex's sudden departure from the tour...

"Gerard, you didn't."

"I did, and I'd do it again, Y/N. Besides, you can't say he didn't have an ass-kicking coming to him."

You let out a soft laugh, but your vision began to blur as tears welled. A swirl of emotions welled inside of you, tumultuous and much more than you had anticipated feeling tonight. You were touched that Gerard was so concerned about you. Embarrassed that he had to get involved at all. Glad that he did, after all.

At the sight of your tears, he stepped closer. It was him now who tenderly wiped your face, brushing away stray tears with his thumb.

"Jesus, Y/N, I can stand a few punches to the face but I can't stand seeing you cry."

That was all you needed to hear to get oceans pouring from your eyes instead of streams. You embraced Gerard, burying your head into his shoulder. Gerard folded his arms around you in response.

"Y/N I want to tell you...I mean I hope you know...just how important you are to me and how I feel about you. You deserve to be happy."

"You're so nice to me that I almost don't know how to process it." you admitted beneath an awkard, tear-ridden laugh. "Thank you. You need to know you're important to me too. I..I just--" You planted an aggressive kiss on his cheek, unable to express your myriad of emotions in words.

"There, I think that expresses everything."

"Everything?"Gerard asked, brushing a strand oh hair behind your shoulder, "There's a few points I'd like to add."

His hand cupped the side of your face and your lips met, softly at first, a salty mixture of tears and coppery blood. The kiss quickly deepened, caught in your own world, unable to get enough of the taste of each other. That is until Gerard winced and pulled back, blood dripping from his lower lip. His cut had only deepened from your exertions.

"We'll have to postpone this until that's better." you said, handing him another tissue.

"Damn. Kinda regretting that fight now." He laughed.

"Don't regret it. Besides, its not an entirely bad look on you." you teased.

A bashful expression crossed his face as he brushed his hair back from his face.

"I hate to say it but I have a press thing to do in a few minutes with the guys. Meet me in my bus later?" He said, offering another peck on your cheek.

"I'd be crazy not to." you replied, ambushing him with one final hug before he walked off.

You realized something immediately. Despite everything, the heartache, the surprises--you regretted nothing. And as you lifted your fingers to your lips, still buzzing from impact, you knew this had been a tour that changed your life, after all.

Tomorrow, you'd be back onstage, ready to begin again.

Taglist: @pacifymebby​

[shyvioletcat]

oooh mama this one's gonna hurt but: “You know what? I was wrong. You never really meant anything to me. You’re broken, you’re beyond fixing, you’re not something I want to take the time to handle. Simple as that.” for rowaelin please queen

Just clearing out some angst prompts while i’m in the mood... Don’t mind me...

~~~~~

Aelin lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. Staring at nothing. It had been three days since he left, three days since she had left her bed only when she needed to, three days since she had stopped feeling anything at all.

Rowan was gone.

It was that thought that consumed her, along with his parting words that repeated and jumped through her mind like a broken record.

“You know what? I was wrong. You never really meant anything to me. You’re broken, you’re beyond fixing, you’re not something I want to take the time to handle. Simple as that.”

Then he had left, the apartment door slamming behind him.

Aelin wasn’t sure how they had got to this point, everything had been near perfect before. They were just starting to open up to each other, feel something more. But then Aelin had shown the broken parts of herself, the dark places that swallowed her from time to time. She had reverted to someone she didn’t like, the person she had spent years overcoming. But when things got hard or they got frightening, Aelin couldn’t help it. It was like an addiction she couldn’t kick. So when she had become distant, cold and unresponsive to his efforts to pull her out of the hell she was in, when they argued over and over about every little thing, Rowan had decided he’d had enough. He had walked away.

It was better this way, he was right. She was broken, well beyond fixing and she certainly wasn’t worth the time.

As the ceiling above her darkened when night began to settle in the world outside, Aelin wondered if she had done this to herself. Maybe it was self-sabotage to protect herself. Maybe it was to protect him. Either way Rowan was gone and Aelin couldn’t bring herself to leave her bed to chase after him.

~~~~~

Tags:

@fucking-winchester-trash // @literary-licorice // @galyxsy // @tangledraysofsunshine // @highqueenofelfhame // @3am-reading // @soup-that-is-too-hawt // @aelinfire-bringer // @nalgenewhore // @highladyofthesith // @http-itsrebecca // @sleep-and-books // @average-girl-at-best // @alifletcher2012 // @westofmoon // @sleeping-and-books // @ttakeitbacknoww // @armixers-unite // @mariamuses // @chocolate-eating-bitch-queen // @velarian-trash // @queenofxhearts // @heroesofterrasen // @highladyofstoriesandmusic // @empire-of-wildfire // @camerooonchiu // @crackedship // @lowhangingtreebranches // @over300books // @yourwhisperingshadows // @thesirenwashere // @tswaney17 // @impossiblescissorspeachpaper // @cat5313 // @judelovescardan // @flowerspringsea // @chaoticskyy // @the-regal-warrior // @fanfictrash3000 // @blueeyes425 // @starseternalnighttriumphant // @bamchickawowow // @thehuntressofmoon // @giorgia-the-trashpanda // @flora-and-fae // @thereaderandfangirl // @illyrian-bookworm // @chemicha // @meltalgel-ig // @gay-book-nerd // @that-odd-puzzle-piece // @i-love-all-books // @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato // @girl-who-reads-the-books // @hizqueen4life // @the-third-me // @queen-of-glass // @bestmelle // @cursebreaker29 // @b00kworm // @superspiritfestival // @aesthetics-11 // @maastrash // @mynewdreamwasyou // @the-last-apprentice // @charincharge // @aelin-queen-of-terrasen​

[hawtgirlsht]

hello hello hello !!!! fuck, i'm so excited for this rp, i love me some absurdist comedy. and i’m.... a disaster so i only have this first one done, lydia still needs a little tweaking. but for now, i present to you, roscoe !! 

( CHINA ANNE MCCLAIN. 25. CIS WOMAN + SHE/HER. ) do you have any classes with roscoe martin ? i heard they were born on august 15, 1995 which makes them a leo: i wonder if ending up at greendale studying music tech even though they’re a radio announcer was in their horoscope. i caught them in the bathroom last week humming cash shit by megan thee stallion, which i wouldn’t have expected from them, but i guess they do kind of remind me of fresh spray paint, massive steel-toed boots, and smashing the only guitar you own on stage, so it checks out. ( alys. she/her. 23. est. )

so, here's her story: she's the eldest daughter of america's top cardiologist and a famed nyc litigator. her little sisters are both in university, one is currently doing her phd in music theory in fucking vienna, the other one is doing her undergrad in economics at harvard. roscoe doesn't talk about them.

what's roscoe doing at greendale you may ask? well she was always the black sheep of the family, taking chance after chance and throwing them away, and now her family has finally threatened to cut her off unless she goes to school.

she signed up at the first school she saw in the middle of a cross-country road trip, and she's been here ever since. idk how long ago its been, but i think its less than a year. and still, even while at school, her allowance is fucking minimal compared to what she was making before.

boohoo, only five figures ???????? she's gonna Perish.

but yeah she's a rich bad girl, she has anger issues and trust issues and is basically just... having a Time all the Time. she hates it when she tries and doesn't succeed so she doesn't typically try. self-sabotaging in that sense.

tried to be a lead singer of a band. failed and was kicked out of said band. now they're climbing indie gods.

otherwise she's just xXtooedgy666Xx. takes dares very seriously. will beat you up.

yeah... she's a very new character and i wanna let her bloom here !!!! sorry for the Minimalism so pls take this tiktok compilation and her pinterest board.

wanted plots:

Must Protect The Baby: she's protective of your muse. Will Fight.

Rivalzzzzz: she needs ppl to fight obviously. this is a long-standing rivalry.

your hot but i won't say that out loud: a crush she's trying to avoid

squad/besties: please for the love of god she needs friends

literally anything you can talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[vampirepiggyhunterdefensesquad]

Compliments 4/5

Zim had landed on another bush, and not a very comfortable one. He griped loudly to himself about the leaves and branches and Earth, absolutely refusing to think about what had just happened

for all of two minutes. Then Gaz's blushing face slipped into view in his mind's eye and it was all over. Zim groaned outwardly, but he understood well enough now that he wasn't going to be able to stop for a while. Separation was likely the ideal way to hurry up and be done turning it over in his head.

Even so, Zim found himself trailing after Gaz a few blocks. She could take care of herself, obviously, but just in case someone tried to hurt her in her weakened state... Maybe if he involved himself, she would--

No!! This was exactly what she had told him to STOP doing. Who CARED about some earth human girl?? Even if she DID have very sparkly eyes and a soft looking face that went red when he looked directly at it and hair he wanted to feel under his sharp fingers. Even if she did obviously want him to try. Even if she was incredibly powerful and scary and picked him up and threw him and that was, however insulting to his ego and bruising to his actual limbs, impressive for a human and a young one at that. Zim contemplated the image of Gaz throwing someone else like that-- preferably Dib-- and felt another pleasant-yet-horrible rush of heat in his guts. Disgusting. But it made him feel giddy.

Zim watched from a distance as Gaz walked up to her door and slammed it shut viciously. At that, he turned on his heels and stalked home, grumbling about bushes some more. He would have to put something on his skin to make it stop burning; the tiny cuts were incredibly unpleasant.

He found that when he let his mind drift to her, the pain faded slightly. But this focus was unhealthy, had to be bad for him. A small part of him was rioting whenever he allowed himself to contemplate her, focus on her too closely. It was almost a betrayal of everything invaders stood for, wasn't it??

"Nice antennae."

So why couldn't he bring himself to care???????

Zim reached his door. He hadn't realized how fast he'd been walking, and glared at it. He lived close to the Membranes, too close, much too close when it came to the Dib-filth. But it seemed a bit further when he thought about how Gaz lived there too.

. . . . Dib lived there, too.

Zim clapped his hands over his head and stifled a moan when the full implications hit him like a truck. This was the worst thing that could have possibly happened.

So it would be wonderful if his stupid, ANNOYING brain could stop acting like he had just had the best day ever.

Gaz's words had been angry, defensive. But her silence had been different. Her pause had said far more than her words did.

It would have been easy, easier than easy, to tell him to just stop. That she was annoyed and that was it. When she did eventually say as much, it was only after that conflicted silence. . .

She wanted his attention. Her blushes and reactions to his eyes made this much clear to him: Gaz wanted him to look at her just as much as he wanted her to look at him.

And the idea of looking at her had never been so appealing.

Zim nearly ran into his own front door-- he'd forgotten it was there. He nearly ripped the thing off its hinges in his haste to get inside.

He would see her tomorrow. That was fine. He wasn't going to get obsessed with anyone--especially a HUMAN-- especially after something so small.

Zim walked inside and rode the elevator down to the lab and sat down in his chair.

I want to see Gaz.

Zim stood up and walked out into the room with all the pods with human test subjects. One of them held a random person he'd snatched from the street a few evenings ago. She was sound asleep-- he'd been conducting tests to see how weak and fragile humans were when faced with emotionally taxing TV shows-- given how upset and unable to function properly GIR was after a series he loved ended, Zim was certain there was a method of world domination in television yet.

He kicked the glass of the tube, making the human stir, but not wake fully.

"HEY."

Kick.

"HEY!!!!!!!!"

The woman's eyes popped open. When her eyes fell on Zim, disguise-less, they widened in panic and she began banging on the glass, trying to shout for help.

Zim groaned and pressed a button to drain the fluid from the tube instantaneously. The ugly human's legs gave way and she collapsed at the bottom.

"Don't start screaming, nobody can hear you anyway," Zim said disgustingly, as if it was obvious. "Annoying, unhelpful, and, worst of all, annoying."

The human breathed deeply and lifted her head. Finally, her voice returned, and she looked. . .  confused.

"You. . . . you said 'annoying' twice."

"THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!" Zim hollered, slamming his hands against the glass. The woman fell backwards, but seemed to be calming down at Zim's childish outburst.

"Why am I here?"

"Listen, HUMAN. I normally would never stoop to the level of asking for help from your kind. . . but i believe this newest development requires some in-person questioning. You, you filthy, lucky human, are being given the chance to earn your freedom from my HHHORRIBLE LAIR. So listen carefully."

The woman nodded quickly. She seemed to be looking around carefully, taking in her surroundings, but she wouldn't be able to escape so it really didn't matter.

"You were once a smaller, younger version of your now old, ugly self, yes?"

The woman blinked. "I'm twenty four."

Zim squinted. "Twenty four. . . . . years? Old?"

". . . yes?"

Zim smirked. "Have you have retained a good memory of your youth, however long past it may have been?"

The woman was trying to brush her dripping, dark purple hair out of her eyes. "Yes," she said, in a resigned tone.

"Good. Are you in a relationship at the moment?"

The woman's head popped up and her eyes went wild. She fell backwards again, tripping over her own feet.

"CALM DOWN!!!! It's just for REFERENCE," Zim spat. "I have less than no interest in your disgusting, hideous body. I'm here to destroy your planet."

"That's comforting," she said sarcastically, turning around entirely. "No, I'm . . . not."

"Were you ever? And have you, despite your repulsiveness, had anyone ever. . . interested in you?"

The woman barked out a laugh. "Yes. I guess."

"So how did they fail???" Zim slammed his hands on the tube again, but this time it was out of desperation. "What mistakes did they make??"

The woman, apparently having not found an exit in the other direction, turned back to shoot him with a glare. "Why."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY????" Zim's face flushed. "i MEAN-- EHHH-- YOU are in no position to ask ME ANYTHING, HUMAN!!”

"Wait. You're not. . . Why did you kidnap me?" she asked, completely confused.

"What? You were right there." Zim blinked.

"Wh-- you-- he didn't--you just happened to-- oh God, that's my luck, isn't it?"

"JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!! How did your previous suitors fail???"

"Well, one of them tried to kill me."

Zim tilted his head. "And. . . . you didn't like that."

She just stared.

"Ok, no killing. No attempting killing. Got it!!!!!"

"So, you're trying to get a human girl to like you??" The woman looked him up and down.

"STOP!! STOP THAT IMMEDIATELY!!!" Zim waved his hands in front of the glass. "I said NOTHING about myself. I'm TRYING to conduct RESEARCH here!!!!! What else did they do???"

"Listen, alien-- what's your name, kid?"

"I AM ZIM." Zim announced.

"Zim. If you like someone, you can't interrogate someone you kidnapped for help. What if I just. . . intentionally sabotaged you or something?"

Zim, whose antennae had lowered, popped back up. "I wasn't going to let you go until it worked," he announced. "PF! What do you think I AAAAAAAM? an AMATUER???"

The woman smiled wryly and took a seat, leaning against the back of the tube casually. "What's she like, Zim?"

"Scary," he answered immediately, dropping to sit as well. "Also she thinks I'm 'cool.'"

"If she thinks you're cool, why are you asking me for advice? Hell, just ask her out. And let me go first."

"No. Also, that didn't work."

She squinted. "You asked her out?"

"Yyyyyyyyyyyy--not exactly?"

The woman gestured for him to continue. It was a testament to how shaken up Gaz had made Zim inside that he did.

. . . .

Zim leaned back on the outside of the glass tube, letting his antennae droop. ". . . And now I have to WAIT a whole DAY before I see her again!!"

"Why's that?" The woman examined her fingernails.

"What?"

"What if you went to her house and asked her out properly?" she suggested. "It sounds like you led with accusing HER of having feelings when in reality YOU were the one who liked HER."

"RIDICULOUS. Invaders need NO ONE. I would never like such a pathetic earth-human."

"Okay, so you don't want my help--"

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO 'ASK HER OUT'?" he screeched. "Human rituals are NOTHING like Irken romance!!!"

She turned her eyes to him again. "What? What's your alien romance consist of?"

"WE DON'T HAVE IT!" Zim wailed, slumping down further.

"Uh-huh." She tapped her chin with her finger. "Go to her door. Knock. When she answers, apologize for yelling at her. Tell her you like her, and tell her you want to spend time with her and look at her."

"NO!!"

"What the hell-- why--"

He turned around, glaring her down. "SHE WON'T. APPRECIATE SUCH A GESTURE. The Gaz-human is intelligent. She is far too smart to want such a. . such an UP FRONT method!!"

"Well, you'd be surprised." The woman turned away again. "Listen, are you gonna kill me if you get rejected?"

"Absolutely."

"So ask her nicely." From what she'd seen, she'd be able to escape if he stayed away for long enough. And this girl might be strong enough to incapacitate the alien--or, y'know, she might say yes. From the dazed, lovestruck way Zim talked about her, she might be just as violent and dangerous as he was. "And, uh, make sure you remember I'm the one who helped you."

"Yes, yes, yes. . ." The cogs turning in his brain were almost visible. "So. . . I tell her. And then she will blush. And agree to spend more time with me."

"Ideally."

"All right." He announced. "I am going."

"Wait, bring her something-- but not something too big!"

"Big?"

The woman contemplated. "What kind of candy does she like?"