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yc3iko · 8 months ago

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Snowy Fonts Ranpo Edogawa x writer fem! reader

(BTW you still work in the ADA, it's just you decide to write stories based off the real crime, depending on what's going through a detectives head during a crime investigation)

As the winter fall was just beginning, many people were rushing to get the latest candies or books. One was getting lost and the other lost in words on a page.

-(Y/N)'s POV-

I decided to grab the latest book of mine to add to the collection of my very own books. I enjoyed writing the murder books of detectives thought process but reading my own work when published is very different than working on the story itself. I found my works unreadable once I had them in my hands, flipping through the pages finding every error of less detail. I got wonderful comments on my books but the very few hate comments made me shatter. I never had really good self-esteem and my writing was my escape. When someone comments hateful words to me or behind my back, I remember the nights I cried trying to figure out why my writing was not the best. My ability didn't make it any better. I may have a strong ability that lets me write about the future for only five weeks but the mental side effect wasn't the best. 'That's not going to help anyone!' 'Write a better future.' Even with the smallest mistake my brain will pinpoint it. Being in the agency helped me realise why I thought this way. My parents were the key factor. 'You're not doing your best!' 'Your gift is trash just like yourself!' The words they used are the words I use on myself.

"(Y/N) Are you lost in thought again?"

"Oh sorry Ranpo, I guess I was," I said. "Well you choose to come help me find the new winter candies but here we are having somebody's book" Ranpo said. "Oh, well I guess we can go get those candies!" I said, putting on a front to hide my hateful thoughts getting to me. "Yay! To the candy store!" Ranpo said, skipping along.

- Timeskip -

"How was the trip to the candy store Ranpo?" Kenji asked. "I enjoyed it but (Y/N) stopped at some book sale to buy their newest book," Ranpo said. "Oh that's right her newest book came out," Yosano said. This conversation was going on right in front of me. My desk was right beside Kenji's. "Good work on your writing, it was better than last time," Kunikida stated. "It truly was," Atsushi said. Atsushi was my greatest stan here. We both enjoyed books and he ended up finding out first I was a book author. "I didn't know you wrote books," Dazai said, coming over to me. "Yeah I do, but its mostly about detectives' voices inside their head and how they solve the crime," I said. "So that's why most of the time you and Ranpo have cases together," Kenji stated. "Y-yeah I guess that's right," I said. "Ms. (L/N) come here," the president called. "Coming on over," I said. "I guess I gotta go." I waved them all goodbye.

"Yes Mr. President?" I questioned. "I just wanted to say I was proud of your writing skills and how far you have come," He said. "T-thank you," I stuttered. He always would say nice things about my work, but I still never get used to it. 'He's only trying to please you.' 'They only want your ability.' My face changed from a smile to a frown. The thoughts were starting again. I guess it was noticed because the president asked "Are you alright (L/N)?" "Oh I'm fine!" I said. "I really should get back to work, anything else you needed me for?" "Yes, can you make sure Ranpo writes his report? I noticed you have only been doing the reports since you and Ranpo started working together," Fukuzawa said. "Ok," I said and left. As I was on my way, I bumped into Kyoka. "Where are you off to Kyoka," I asked. "Im off the buy your books so I can talk more with you," She said. "Aw you don't have to," I said. "No it's fine," She retorted back. "Ok have fun!" I said. Fronts were so much easier. They never really break character. They were like criminals. Also lying when really you should be telling the truth. True characters hurt people, so my front will always be there.

Once I got back to the office, I noticed that Ranpo was reading and not eating. "What is he doing?" I whispered to Atsushi. "I lended him the first book of your series, him claiming he wanted to know more about your writing," Atsushi whispered back. "Hey (Y/N) come here," Ranpo yelled at me. "Ok," I said, as I walked over. "What would you like?" I asked. "I wanted to know why this book is written about me," He said. "Excuse me?" I questioned. He knew. He was never supposed to know. "Well this first book is about the first case I solved, and the date this was published was months after I told you," Ranpo said. His eyes were opened. The prettiest emerald eyes ever. "I'm sorry, I never got your permission to create a book off it," I said. My head looking down. 'Now he hates you, how do you feel?' 'Aw, are you going to cry, crybaby?' "it's fine, I never had a book based off me before, as the greatest detective of all times I feel honoured," He said, going back to eating his food. "R-really?" I questioned. "Yes but your next book needs to be about me and yours relationship after I ask you out," Ranpo said, bluntly. "What?" Me and everyone else questioned. "You heard me, check the letter on your desk," Ranpo said, pointing to the desk. I walked up to my desk and picked up the letter. It stated:

'I hope this goes right. Will you write me like you write your books after this date I take you on?' Yes no

-Ranpo Edogawa

I checked one off and handed it back to Ranpo. He opened it and said.

'I hope this goes right. Will you write me like you write your books after this date I take you on? Yes no

'P.S Never ask someone out over a letter'

"And that is how I met your greatest father of all times," I whispered to the kids in their beds. "They truly love the story about me being the greatest detective of all times!" Ranpo laughed. "They sure do," I said back.

#bungo stray dogs manga #ranpo edogawa #bungou sd #bsd ranpo #ranpo x reader

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laismoura-art · 6 months ago

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Hi @rasta-bot I hope you don't mind me continuing our conversation here, the reblogs were lagging my phone💀

Picking up exactly from where we stopped:

Deter me? Oh no, dear, you actually just invited me to sit down and play doll with you, and I'm taking that invitation!

---

Of course! I loved that rewrite! Delia being secretly in love with Amara and Amara loving her back, but neither of them can act on their mutual feelings fiven their current positions?? And Argus luring Delia's friend and love only to toss her aside afterwards AAA! NOT THE DOOMED LOVE!!! HAVE YOU. NO. MERCY???

On another note, is that right? Are you saying you're writing for more girls? My most special girl, Harumi, included?👀👀 count me as intrigued!

---

Aww, thank you! I'm so happy my AU is appreciated! I loved to work on it, and I take much pride in the results, and it makes my day to know other people enjoyed it!!🥹🩷🩵🩷🩵🩷

---

Now, yes, back to the main point!

(First of all, let's refrain from the "They are fictional" argument cause... let's be real, it's annoying, and we are both exchanging walls of texts about said fictional characters. We are WAY PAST the "they are fictional" arguments. Just be as passionate as you like, and I'll do the same. One passionate fan from another.)

And just to clear the air once and for all: I do understand you didn't mean to attack/offent/hate on MK1 Tanya.

Yes, the wording bothered me (mostly because I've heard them on worse contexts by far less well intentioned ppl), but I don't think you hate her because of it (never did, honestly).

My reply was mainly due to the "they gave Tanya what was supposed to be Jade's" cause that's an argument I find flawed.

It does cause (non intentional) damage to people's view of the character (I've seen it before with both Kuai and Harumi) and in Tanya's case specifically, it IS an argument that lacks evidence to base itself.

I already explained why, no need to keep repeating myself, it will only bore us both. So let's move on from that!

You said you don't like Tanya's change of alignment, and I take that this is tied to your dislike of Multiverse. You're not a fan of Status Quo changes (at least not drastically), that's a fact and that's perfectly fine!

I personally find her change of alignment intriguing, but that comes from my liking of Multiverse. I do enjoy a vast change of Status Quo (probably why I've been avoiding comics recently, their resistance to change has deeply annoyed me and it really makes me feel like the character are just stuck because they are unable to learn cause learning leads to change and GOD FORBID CHANGES! Sorry, for the vent)

In the end MK1 Tanya is a product of Multiverse and I if you don't like Multiverse and already liked her previous self, there ain't much to be done here, sadly.

All I can do is insist this version of Tanya will NOT get in the way of Jade and her development! They can co-exist and their stories will not contradict or disturb each other.

You know what? I BET you can create an amazing story about Jade and her connection with Delia without ONCE contradict canon!

---

Ok, I see now why she appeals to you... And that's the only thing I can think of is:

This is you:

And I can respect the commitment to the evil women. Support women's wrongs!✊🏾

---

Now, I actually want to go back to the MKX Tanya, you got me wondering here:

You said you don't like her being a Rebel like Jade, but this take popped in my brain and I'd like to share:

You say Tanya works as a perfect Anti-Jade, right?

And it's interesting to have them contrast each other and having Tanya being a Rebel takes that away.

BUT hear me out: couldn't that ADD to your point instead?

See, I believe a good way to show how different a character is from another is to put them in similar situations and see how they react to them!

They both want the same thing, right? A free Edenia, but the way both fight to achieve that same goal is vastly different! I mean, just look at the princesses each of them chooses to follow, I think that alone already speaks volumes about each of these characters!

I think showing their different reactions and approaches on a similar subject would be a perfect way to emphasise your point!

But that's me, do as you wish with this take, it's for you <3

---

I already tapped on the Multiverse part, I just find it quite funny how we experienced pretty similar interactions with the Multiverse and yet we have ENTIRELY opposite views on it, lol!

Like, I definitely went down that rabbit hole with your brother! And girl! Don't I love this absolute mess WHOLEHEARTEDLY!😂

And I gotta say, I DID read your linked post before we got here!

And I know this cause though I didn't fully agree, this part:

This part really, really resonated with me! DEEPLY!

Cause let me tell you, that's EXACTLY how I feel about Invasions Season 1!

Like, I HATE that shit! Screw that overly inflammable incel! That was NO Hanzo Hasashi!

And as creator of Scorpion!Harumi, SCREW THAT ENDING!! The only acceptable ending for that season would've been Harumi OBLITERATING fake Hanzo (Zanho, if you will)!

With that being said, I am actually glad it exists because being utterly furious about it was what led me to create the Scorpion!Harumi AU, and from it grew my interest in obscure characters and my frustration with how they were treated and ultimately came my mission to bring them all to the center stage!

Seriously, when I read that part in your post, I was literally like: YES!! YES!! SHE GETS IT!!!

---

But, I also have to confess, another thing you said that resonated with me was this:

And it pains me to say that reflects perfectly how I feel about Hanrumi😭

Like... they are cute! And the fanon work made from them is adorable!

But you know... I love Harumi. And I love Hanzo. And GOD! Never ONCE their relationship brought them anything good!

I mean, either she's dead, or he's dead, or this:

And like I said. I DESPISE this ending.

Scorpion!Harumi is literally trapped with a guy who looks like her dead husband and who will attack her have her not reciprocate his affections (as he has done before with another Harumi)

So that's why I don't mind the context Harumi was brought to MK1. I don't mind Kuairumi. Kuai is a nice guy, he is in love with her and being with him doesn't mean death penalty to her.

Plus! Being "the clan leader who will mentor her childhood friend/crush into becoming a clan leader himself" as is a much, MUCH cooler character description than "dead wife".

Soooo, yeah. When it comes to canon Harumi partners, I'm team Kuairumi ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With that out of the way:

YES! it's so good to have these girls around! And we can only hope they finally receive the love they deserve!!🥹🩷

In the meantime, HECK YEAH! LET'S HAVE FUN!!!

#god that's ENORMOUS #hi #have fun with... all of this #mk jade #mk tanya #mk delia #harumi shirai #long ass post #really really long #mortal kombat #mk1

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mrs-weasley-reid · 5 months ago

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KER!!!!

Hi Ker. Its me, again. Don’t you worry about accidentally deleting my ask I did read your fic also at like… 3am LOL. I’m going to bullet point what I asked before I forget so sorry if this feels a bit rushed and kind of rude

- say don’t go (taylor swift reference? If it is I SEE YOU SWIFTIE! (Maybe swiftie? Idk if ur a swiftie but i see the ref regardless)

- this was me begging for a part 2 if you’re down to write a part 2 because i desperately wanted to know what happens next

- i was also wondering if what you did was perhaps intentional, though. The angst leaving us all on a cliffhanger. Did you leave it open ended on purpose?

- because in that case i get it but still humbly request a part 2… on my knees

- does she wake up and survive the surgery? Where do they go from there if she does?

- does she NOT survive the surgery? Where does Spencer go from there??

- but once again i don’t want you to feel pressured by any means to write a part 2. If it comes to you it comes to you, if it doesn’t that’s ok! You already gained a new fan of your writing and your work 💕

- oh i also wanted to tell u idk if i said this in my comment but I LEGIT THOUGHT that when she was standing in the doorway and he was standing there in his suit and tie that she bought him- THAT SHE DIED AND WAS A GHOST. LIKE STRAIGHT UP. I WAS LIKE DAMN SHE DEAD? But she wasn’t dead- her heart was just broken and crumpled up on the floor and what lay in the space between them

Anyway I think I’m rambling again. These aren’t really bullet notes 🤣

OK BYE YOU’LL BE SEEING ME IN YOUR COMMENTS REAL SOON 🫡😗

OMG you are such an angel for doing this😭😭😭 and don't worry, it's not rude at all!

First and foremost, yes! I am a swifitie🫶 The entire fic is written while I had the song on repeat and specifically based on these two lines:

And I'm yours, but you're not mine I said, "I love you." You say nothin' back

So, if you want to reread it while listening to the song, it might make the angst angstier (? is that even a word lol)

Now, my favorite part of your ask. I did, in fact, leave it open-ended because I love to leave readers asking themselves what they want the ending to be. One thing I want my readers to know is that I will always leave things on a cliffhanger or open-ended because I myself cannot decide what I want. The reader recovering from the surgery does not mean things will go well with them and Spencer. So, it really is up to everyone whether they want her to go or to stay. I got a request to make a part 2 where the reader dies. It was a pleasant ask (and very tempting, tbh), but I left it for everyone's own interpretation. And I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on that.

But of course, sometimes I do fold and write part 2s and more if I feel like it. Although, I love most of my fics as a stand-alone. Anyway, this might be a bit of an advertisement, but I'll be posting some unfinished drafts that are open-ended because I'm too indecisive. It would really be amazing if I get replies that tell me what they think happened and will happen. I already posted one called Execution Style somewhere around my blog. It's vague. And too short. So might not be as great.

Moving onnnnn lol

The ghost part had me chuckling when I woke up so I truly appreciate you sending the ask again. I kind of wanted the story to seem like it's going back and forth from one scene to another. It's a bit difficult to portray, so I understand why you thought she was a ghost😂😂😂

I officially welcome you to my crazy department and hope that you enjoy your stay

— love lots x

#ker answers

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faffreux · 2 years ago

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Have you ever had people telling you that your relationship with Fawful isn't healthy?

How do you handle situations like these?

Yes, I absolutely have. But I find this tends to come from people who don't actually know me personally so they are making assumptions based upon that and their familiarity with cases like mine where it HAS been unhealthy for the individual. (because that absolutely does happen and it's important to acknowledge it!)

I don't take comments like this personally bc once again, they don't actually know me so it's not personal to begin with. But at this point I have personal responses for almost every point they tend to bring up when they do:

"Get a job" [I have one, lol. How do you think I even created my Fawful themed room in the first place without money? How do you think I do ANYTHING? I work full time and it sucks lol. I WISH I didn't have to work, haha. If you don't have to work I consider it a blessing!! Something funny about this one is the last time somebody threw this one at me they were def projecting bc THEY were the adult without a job while their parents paid for everything... hmm...]

"It's going to impact your ability to find a real partner" [I'm not interested in finding a 'real' partner in the first place. I'm aro.]

"You're TOO obsessed" [I cannot wrap my head around this one and I've heard it so many times. Some people are literally bothered by how much others like something... like, okay? Sorry you can't get as much joy as I can out of the things you like?]

"You're just coping with other shit through this." (I PERSONALLY am not. Fawful just brings me THAT much joy and the reason he's still a huge part of my life is because of that joy, not because I'm using him to get through depression or something. I have made multiple posts in the past about the fact that Fawful is not a coping mechanism for me. I HAVE used things to cope in the past so trust me when I say I am very familiar with the difference.

THAT BEING SAID I would prefer if people who say things like this would be kinder to folks who do use their hyperfixations or special interests as coping mechanisms. It's a thing and it's not always a bad one. There are many cases where media and stories have helped people through hard times in their life until they were able to get on their feet again and that should be respected, not shat on.)

But I'm rambling on at this point. To conclude my answer... I would say that you are probably going to encounter people like this eventually wherever you go if you're intense enough about something to the degree that I am about Fawful. Realizing that it's a reflection on the person making these assumptions about you and less personally about YOU will do wonders in being able to handle it.

I know myself. And I have plenty of dear friends surrounding me to back up just how much joy my beloved has brought to my life rather than toxicity. There are so many pieces of myself and my creative joy I have discovered because of him and I couldn't be happier for it.

#sorry this is a LONG ANSWER #but it's a loaded question tbh #asks #fawfultalk

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ms-all-sunday · 1 year ago

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Part 1:

Kinning, or being a fictive, is inherently a similar experience I'm told. (I am a fictive, I cannot verify for the kinning crowd.) Not exact, but there are differences.

I've decided to talk a little about being a fictive on this account as it relates to my own experiences in the context of media analysis, (and hopefully provide insight for people who haven't encountered this before) which is something we do on this blog very often, so it relates well.

Media analysis is the process of applying real-world logic to fictional characters, both textually and meta-textually. Real world logic meta-textually is making the observation "Franky is a cartoon American" (a characterization choice that occurs outside of the narrative) and textually making the observation "Usopp is terrible at holding himself accountable for his actions in Water 7" is a characterization choice that refers to actions taken within the narrative. In my head, I usually just categorize these two as "things you would say if the character was real" and "acknowledging that the character is not real, this is my commentary." The lines blur quite often, but for the purposes of explaining my experiences to you, I have to make the distinction between the two types of analysis.

Being a fictive myself, or as I've come to understand, this applies to kinning as well, my base state of being requires textual media analysis. The assumption that this character is real- an assumption you have to inherently make when doing textual analysis, I am that assumption made manifest. I am the real version of that character.

This is why alters of fictional characters aren't really the fictional character, no matter how close they get, there is the preexisting system that made them- under the same assumption you make when doing textual analysis, and that requires the acknowledgement of the self within the other, and that acknowledgement made manifest. This is why the perception of a character in the system and the introject are one in the same, or at least inherently tied together.

"This is just a more extreme version of what everybody does all the time with art, are you saying that analysis of the art we consume within our brains as it relates to ourselves is unavoidable?" Yes. If anybody says they don't think about the story they're consuming they're either lying or ignorant. You do it inherently whether you want to or not.

Back to how this relates to fictives specifically. As we've established, I am born of the assumption "What if this straw-hat was real?" this means I am a living, breathing form of media anaylsis and how a fictional character relates to my system. (Art is beautiful and I fucking love it.) How this relates to my media anaylsis, is for example, if I were to say "*insert name here* is autistic" it feels like I'm stating that I'm autistic, but I am also making a statement about the canon version of myself. The inherent struggle to disconnect the fictional and the real version of myself is characteristic of my identity and disorder. This relationship has pros and cons, and is rooted in something inherently valid, which is the recognition that my system shares experiences with the fictional character and emotions about the things that happened to my system are in some cases transferred to things that happened to (the fictional character) and so feel real to me. (This is one of the processes that can be held under the umbrella of kin/alter memories.)

(There are experiences that I cannot speak to and don't connect with in this way, as well. But that just leaves me with a normal relationship to those experiences. I cannot "feel them", in the same way I do when there is connective tissue.)

As I understand, for someone who utilizes kinning as a coping mechanism, this part of the process (there is a second half, for kinning only) would be undergone willingly in order to gain a sense of comfort and identification with the character in question.

If you're wondering what the etiquette is when interacting with a fictive in how it relates on what is appropriate and not appropriate to say, ask them. It depends on the system and the fictive, quite honestly.

Now. The big question. Do I think this makes me better at media analysis, inherently? Yes.*

*I think I've learned how to utilize it to my advantage,

what I think the second half of kinning is, that kinnies kin with the explicit intention of and why I personally identify with the idea that I as an fictive myself am One Piece kin, is an analysis of the relationship between the self and the fictional character, why the relationship is what it is, and an inherent need to self reflect and love the self within the fictional other. That's why kinning is seen as a coping mechanism at the core of it, regardless if you think there's a spirituality associated or not.

I can create insight unique due to my experiences that are similar to those of a fictional character, which provides both insight into myself and insight into the fictional character.

I can blend the two in the healthiest of ways, combining my systems love for her and forgiveness for her faults that we don't have for ourselves with my identity. I acknowledge that there is a canon version of myself that other people can talk about and have opinions on,

but I exist as the truest possible version of myself.

#Sighs. Take a shot everytime I say “kin”#modposts #op kin #one piece kin #fictionkin #fictives #osdd system #did system #actually plural #What else should I tag this with.

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j-rants-reviews-random-stories · 2 years ago

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Andy Grey and the Abbott Mansion Murderer (Part 1)

I had always prided myself on being analytical and cool in the face of fear and danger, but when I was confronted with the real possibility of being trapped in a house with a murderer, that cool facade flew out the window.

“I only write about murder! I don't want to be part of a real murder! I’m too young to die!”

“Diane, you are 70 years old, I’m pretty sure you're past your expiration date”

“What do you know about expiration dates Carl? Your stories expired on the shelves years ago, it's a wonder you were even invited to this convention,”

“I’m pretty sure the only reason people were invited to this was so the coordinator could slowly pick us all off one by one,” I pipe up frantically, in hopes to get the others to shut the fuck up so I could think.

After being a murder mystery novelist for the past 15 years I was thrilled to be invited to this convention, with the chance to meet some of the best writers from the past 50 years, but a couple of things kind of ruined that.

The hurricane that is cutting off all cell service.

The corpses that began showing up.

There had originally been 10 of us at the convention, now only 5 of us were left, potentially 6, but there is a chance that if the sixth is alive, they aren’t on our side.

“And what would you know, I hadn’t even heard of you before coming to this convention, what could you possibly know about murder and the motives of a murderer,” mutters Carl, who I was quickly beginning to despise as the night went on.

“Just because you haven’t heard of me doesn't mean shit,'' I spit at him. “There are 4 bodies and 1 person missing right now, I don't think you should be focusing on how little recognition I've had over the years, maybe more on finding out who is killing us and why they want to do this! In case you haven't noticed, we are trapped here with no cell service until the hurricane calms down which isn’t likely to happen for at least another 12 hours,” I continue. Carl looks ashamed at his actions.

Diane quickly steps in and adds “Yes, but don’t we already know who’s doing it? It's obviously the person that went missing - their body is the only one that hasn't turned up yet, so they are the most likely suspect,”

“Not necessarily,” I reason with her. “Isn’t it the first rule of a murder mystery to throw off the detectives, to create a red herring?”The other four in the room murmur their agreement

“I suppose you're right,” replies Emerson in a quiet voice. She is the only one close to my age, being the youngest here at 22 and me being 28.

Both Emerson and I started writing out murder mystery stories at a young age, catching the attention of publishers before we each reached 18. Before that I had only had recognition on small blog posts as a writer, until I hit the big tims. After my first novel that sold however I was struggling to keep up with sales and demand for new books. This struggle to keep up with popular demand over the years is what made me skepctical of my invitation to the convention at Abbott House.

Many rumours circulated for years, inspiring many of the famous mystery writers invited to the convention, especially Diane.

So far this evening 4 bodies have been found, all displayed the same way as the Abbot family was; throats slashed and a rose stuck in the open stab wound through their hearts. The first victim was found after everyone heard a shrill scream around 11pm, at which time most of us were in our assigned guest rooms. The victims tonight were Christina Stewart, a 45 year old writer who had been topping sales charts for the past 20 years. Colin Dawson, a 37 year old writer from the south who was well known for his detective series inspired by Agatha Christie’s Poirot novels, Luna Harkin, 53 years old from Spain, who specialized in amateur detective novels, and lastly the body of Chadwick Bradbury was found, 68 year old writer who was famous in his prime for his gruesome stories based in the 50’s about women being slain for their organs.

All found dead within an hour, and nobody knows who did it.

#jbookreviews #who did it #cozy mystery #cozymysteries #whodunnit #Andy Grey and the Abbott Mansion Murderer #j short stories #j rants #I wrote this for an assignment please don’t judge me #murder mystery #short story #short fiction #original story #original short story

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monstermaster13 · 10 months ago

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I am just going to post this here, so I was googling myself which is a big mistake and found out last December a Deviantart who I shall not name very much took screencaps of my comments on a rant I did about new accounts very much made it look like I write stories to 'belittle' people who have different opinions than I do, which I don't, I don't do that, they are lying (I am not giving them the dignity, and the only reason they bitched about me is because I mocked them specifically, yes I did get banned from TF-IRL but I did quit afterwards and deactivated my account so that doesn't count. I didn't get banned from the character tf-server, I very much just decided to leave after being asked about my age which makes me uncomfortable.

About the grooming accusations, roleplaying alone doesn't equal grooming, they just took the RP out of context. In context it was just about my character and theirs…let's just say said other character is fictional and has an identity crisis going on a Tim Burton transformation and turning into the Hessian Horseman as the result of a curse, I specifically mention that he is in no control of his actions when he is transformed, and in one specific part of the roleplay's storyarc he tries to turn the other character into the same species of creature as the Hessian (in case you're wondering I do have a preference for characters with sharp teeth or fangs or claws, but it's not a fetish, at least I do not view it as such) which may or may not be undead. I never did anything sexual in the roleplay and I don't think it matters how old the character in the roleplays was since it's fictional and not real, besides you'll find worse on Pornhub.

I am just saying, don't believe the words of people who attack me based on behavior I supposedly did in the past.

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greywindys · 3 years ago

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New g mix analysis????

There were so many songs....God. But anyhow, yes. I'm ready to tackle this. The theme is once again “Tips for _____”, in this case, “Tips for 2022.” I'm going to alternate between 2D and Murdoc, as if they're in conversation. That's nearly 22 songs in total (2 of 2D's are instrumentals). I'm dying. Obligatory disclaimer that this is just for fun and obviously, shipping is dumb and will never happen. ANYHOW:

Security by Amyl and the Sniffers (Murdoc): Murdoc didn’t have to go so hard in his opener. It’s been a while, so I could be forgetting things, but is the most straightforward he’s been on these mixes. “Security, will you let me in your pub? // I’m not looking for trouble, I'm looking for love.” Tell us how you really feel. The opening verse is 2Doc in a nutshell. “Distracted you with all of my bullshit // I covered myself in distractions // Colors and patterns, you couldn't see the real me // I wanna deceive you, you're stupid, I'm fast.” Yeah, he’s been running away from 2D for over two decades now. Enough is enough!!1

150 by Porj (2D) - Hopefully, this is the right song. The only lyrics seems to be “Tell me what you want me for, me for��” Anon, I’ve only looked at 2 songs and I already know you’re correct. They’re basically talking to each other.

R&B by English Teacher (Murdoc) - “I've been writing R&B for you // I’ve been making you a tea.” Excuse me??? Murdoc literally made 2D tea. Who’s making these G-Mixes? What are you trying to do here? Also, I want to point out “Thing is, I've got a taste of what it feels like to be close enough // And I hope I can get my mind right so I can keep it up.” It’s very early to make any assumptions about what they’re going to do with Murdoc’s character, but lines like these always make me hopeful that they’re at least considering making his character more than a 2 dimensional villain.

Dark Blue by Caroline (2D) - Very little lyrics again. Just “I want it all // So tell them.” All of what? All the power? Full control of the band? (Let me have my evil!2D daydreams) All of Murdoc? Honestly, idk.

The Overload by Yard Act (Murdoc) - The return of angry activist!Murdoc. I love that Murdoc.

Strawberry by Doss (2D) - G-Mix maker, please. We were just reminiscing about the 2Doc strawberry story a few days ago. This song is more optimistic. In the artist’s words: “‘Strawberry’ feels like a pause, a punctuation between past and future moments. It’s about realizing that you are good and ok.” I picture 2D reminiscing about his relationship with Murdoc, and feeling okay because after everything, he’s still alive and inspired.

Clockwork by Lime Garden (Murdoc) - This song is about, per Lime Garden, “shedding light on the apprehension of adulthood.” Obviously, we all know Murdoc is an adult, but I’m sensing a theme here - coping with transitions in life. Murdoc, for all his terrible choices and near death experiences, is actually very risk averse in matters of relationships (platonic, romantic etc). But in his mix so far, he’s expressing a desire to commit to it, if he can; take the plunge and trust someone with all of himself *cough2dcough*. I mean, I’m not trying to sway him in one direction or another, but 2D did just say “he wants it all”….

London, I Love You but You’re Bringing Me Down by Malady (2D) - This one is weird. Activist!2D? Or at least a departure from the last song. Critical!2D, perhaps. Someone can correct me if I’m wrong, but Kong Studios is in London now, I think. Is 2D finally being more open about his fatigue with the rigamarole of touring, promotion, a constant audience, parties etc? That’s pure assumption based on personal hc, but I’m just saying.

Wet Dream by Wet Leg (Murdoc) - The artist call this song a break up song inspired by a period of time during which their ex would text them about having a dream about them. So, between 2D and Murdoc, who’s doing the dreaming and who’s doing the texting? Hmmm. I wonder if the answer is in 2D”s playlist…

YKWIM by Yot Club (2D) - Another break up song where the singer is “scared to be alone with their thoughts of what could have been and what is not.” The lyrics are very 2D ngl - “Seems like I care too much // When I'm all alone, oh no // I feel like I care too much // When no one's at home for me.” This kind of conflicts with earlier songs suggesting an more evolved 2D. But also, fair. Murdoc has always been his biggest obstacle emotionally and psychologically.

Landline by Binki (Murdoc) - “You're like a landline // Always keep my hands tied // Wonder how I like you and lie to you at the same damn time.” Literally so many of Murdoc’s songs are just like. “2D, you’re my anchor. You understand me. But I’m afraid of how real this is getting so I’m treating you like shit or running away, but I think I’m ready. Okay, maybe I’m not.” He came in so strong in the beginning!

Not Into You by Brooksie (2D) - As the title suggests: "Dude, she's just not into you, gotta move on, move on." Now, whose perspective is this from? Is it 2D trying to convince Murdoc that he's more over him than he actually is? Or is it 2D trying to convince himself to move on because Murdoc is never going to figure out his feelings, which must mean he's not as "into" 2D as he claims he is. 2D's just figured it out before him. Or is it broader...is 2D telling Murdoc he's not "into" him the way he was in P1. Sure he cares for him, but he isn't bending over backwards for him without question anymore. This is the most optimistic read, imo. 2D loves him, but his love is healthier now. he can move on if he has to.

GDP by Bob Vylan (Murdoc) - Political!Murdoc makes an appearance. Thank you Murdoc.

Anybody Else But U by poolsideconvo (2D) - I was forced to listen to this because the lyrics aren't easily google-able. It seems to be "Anybody else but you" repeated over and over. Something notable - the lyrics to the songs on 2D's mix are sparse relative to Murdoc's. My initial read is that this is reflective of how easy their relationship could be vs how hard Murdoc makes it. 2D's not incredibly complicated. He just wants to know what Murdoc wants. But Murdoc is going through a thousand different reasons to stay or go 24/7, so he can't even answer that simple questiton.

South by Wu-Lu ft Lex Amor (Murdoc) - Political!Murdoc makes his second appearance.

Jessica by Surya Sen (2D) - "Come on, Jessica // I know, I know // You're tired of the runaround." This one is also ambiguous. Who is Jessica in this situation? Murdoc? Or is this 2D talking to himself again.

Hung Up by The Mysterines (Murdoc) - I looked at the song title, and I already knew where it was going. "Will you ever come and let me know? // 'Cause you always leave me hanging me on." He literally always is, Murdoc, I stg. I also want to take this moment to ask: where exactly are the tips for 2022 in any of these songs? I don't feel like I'm getting any meaningful advice here. I feel like I'm getting unwillingly pulled into the relationship drama of two manchildren.

Rah That's a Mad Question by Barry Can't Swim (2D) - Instrumental. Thank god.

I am the Mud by Cheap Teeth (Murdoc) - No one seems to have posted the lyrics anywhere, so I had to listen again. "Your hands 'round my body. My dirty lizard body." I hear that. This sounds like a song you drink to in the pub.

Riviera by Loods (2D) - Another instrumental. Bless.

Handsome Man by Wednesday (Murdoc) - Murdoc's final song. There's a lot of Gorillaz-esque imagery in this one: "Holdin' a crossbow in a family photo," "Sending the biggest smile from Tokyo," "Whistlin' past a graveyard smash // With broken glass from a car crash." The end sounds like Murdoc has his decisiveness back. "The only reason I’m coming home // Is for my second hand handsome man." But who knows.

Intersection by Cortese (2D) - An instrumental. But I'll say something anyway. An intersection is "a place or area where two or more things (such as streets) intersect." So, while there may have been a lot of break up songs on these playlists, I think it's notable that 2D's final song is similar to Murdoc's in that there's this suggestion of meeting again, or at least crossing paths. Just something to chew on.

Anyhow, that's my liveblog. I may think of more later, but this more optimistic than I thought it would be. Overall impression is that 2D is coming into this a little more mature, but still attached to Murdoc. Murdoc thinks he's matured too, but time will tell if it's a false, transient sense of bravado. They both seem to think they'll find meet each other in the middle, some middle, eventually. But you know, they could still fail or the writers could ignore the hard work of whoever is in charge of these mixes (an unsung hero and agent of chaos).

#asks.#Anonymous #2doc #gma

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innuendostudios · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on... some funny games

[no spoilers to speak of]

Thoughts on Lair of the Clockwork God

The wisdom of the gaming cognoscenti insists that comedy is hard to do in video games. Having grown up with Monkey Island and Zork, I've never found this convincing. But one true thing is this: it's hard to write about comedic games. The ineffability of humor is hard enough to describe in less-interactive media; I can't even explain to my partner why Gretchen saying "I met January Jones once!" on You're the Worst busted me up, and they were sitting right next to me when she said it. Throw in the "you had to be there" nature of the player's active participation and I lose myself in a cornfield. The thing I found hilarious might come a beat to early for you, or not at all, or not be funny in text like it is in gameplay.

Why did I like Lair of the Clockwork God? It made me laugh.

The premise and particulars are a lot of "that could go either way." Ben and Dan - stars of Ben There, Dan That and Time Gentleman, Please! - have returned. Ben is still an adventure game star, but Dan has adopted platforming mechanics in an attempt to get with the times. So playing the game involves switching back and forth between a character who can leap across canyons but can't pick up items or talk to people, and one who can combine inventory but can't climb over a 3-pixel rock.

Does that sound potentially funny? Potentially grating? Yes to both!

The plot centers around our heroes trying to save the world from several simultaneous apocalypses and having to teach human emotions to a supercomputer in order to do so. (Don't ask.) These means, rather like Ben There, Dan That, traipsing through a number of fantasy worlds (read: computer simulations) until the correct emotion is provoked. This requires cross-genre cooperation: finding ways to get Ben to areas only Dan can access, getting Dan new power ups by combining objects in Ben's inventory (an act Dan insists on calling "crafting").

The best bits are at these intersections, when Dan's platforming is the puzzliest and Ben's puzzles take advantage of Dan's skills. Periodically the game gives you a Dan-centric platforming gauntlet the controls are NOT precise nor pleasant enough for, or a Ben-only moon logic puzzle that leaves you googling the walkthrough.

But I liked it! A lot. The genre-hopping seems to have invigorated the developers, Ben Ward and Dan Marshall. I discussed my favorite joke in Ben There, Dan That (in what is probably the least popular video I've ever made that wasn't asking for money), but was also dismayed that the game was never that clever again. But this one is, several times over! Progression here involves cheating your way to a better respawn zone, goofing around in game menus, exploiting "glitches," exiting out and loading up entirely other games. There is a lot of poking and prodding at what a game of this nature can or should be.

But, honestly? The only real selling point is... it was funny. The humor is as anarchic and metatextual as in previous titles, but it feels good-natured in a way BT,DT didn't. And there are, here and there, little bits of meat on its bones - the characters wondering if, as a couple thirtysomething white guys, the world hasn't left them behind, no longer comfortable with the juvenile humor of their youth but not really understanding the youth of today, but having not yet fully escaped the mentalities they used to hold. (There's an unspoken humor to Dan's idea of "modern" gameplay being 2D platforming mechanics, especially at a time when adventure games are significantly more popular than on his last outing; this is a good joke whether or not it's intentional.)

Also: this game contains the most poignant urinating-on-a-grave puzzle in gaming history, and you may quote me on that.

Having finished it months ago, I can't even remember what all the gags were that tickled me at the time. Comedy fades from memory faster than drama or frustration. Mostly I just remember having a good time.

Thoughts on The Darkside Detective

Here's a hook: sometime after the mayhem ends in Ghostbusters, The Exorcist, Evil Dead 2, or some other paranormal blockbuster that you watched over and over in the 90's until the VHS wore out, some overworked detective has to come into your town and piece together what the hell happened.

This is his story.

It's a good gag, and the devs wring every drop from it. Existing in a world where these things are commonplace and you have to fit them into some notion of "police procedure" is just funny. Like, it's one thing to have a running gag where you keep observing the moon in outdoor scenes, commenting, with increasing hostility, that its behavior is suspicious (it has been present at multiple crime scenes); it's a slightly different thing when, given the things you've encountered, the moon being the Big Bad is actually somewhat possible.

The game is divided into six main cases and three bonus DLC missions (which come included in the base game now, and the third of which is the proper ending/setup for the sequel). You are the cop tasked to deal with The Other Side - and, when The Other Side bleeds into our own world, its cops have to deal with you. You have a sidekick with a mental maturity of about 6, which I guess makes you the straight man. (You have to grade on a curve to find a straight man in this game.) And you solve tasks like rounding up escaped gremlins or finding an AWOL lake monster all juxtaposed with mundane problems like inter-office squabbles and having not bought your Christmas presents early enough. It's (pleasantly) lo-res and sparsely isolated, so the dialogue and premise do most of the work, but they are ably up to the task.

The gameplay... not so much. I'm an adventure game lifer, so I can put up with a lot of nonsense. It's mostly straightforward inventory puzzles and occasional minigames. Most of the puzzles are fine enough. As the cases progress, things get more involved, and the DLCs especially involve some awful moon logic. And the minigames are not above using that same jumping peg puzzle you've solved in a dozen other games already. So gameplay ranges from serviceable to irritating, but it mostly exists to string together funny lines and silly images. (Christmas mall elves being secretly in service to Krampus - that's the kind of thing we're talking about here.) You won't feel much guilt for opening up a walkthrough; the puzzles aren't why you're here.

The sequel has just been released, and both games are cheap, so check them out if you feel like smiling.

Thoughts on The Procession to Calvary

It's rare for a game to be hilarious to look at.

The Procession to Calvary takes its name from the Bruegel painting. It also takes all it's graphics from Renaissance oil paintings, and the designer delights in making famously rendered heroes and religious icons steal, stab, fart, and swear.

A strong Terry-Gilliam-with-After-Effects vibe is what we're describing.

You play as a lady knight from a war that's just ended, which sucks for you because, in this age of peace, you're no longer authorized to kill. And killing's, like, you're whole thing. But the one person your new, pacifist king wouldn't stop you from killing is the warlord you just deposed, who fled to the South. So you embark on a nonsensical journey to seek out the one human on Earth you are authorized to kill, because killing is just The. Best. Ever.

Of the three games we're discussing, this is the most overtly cheeky, and, at times, the most scatological. I could've done with a bit less scatology, if I'm being honest, but the cheekiness is very winning. As with Lair of the Clockwork God, a lot of jokes could go either way - a field of people being tortured and a woman on a blanket selling commemorative torture merch could be painfully try-hard. But something about the victims being seemingly everyone ever crucified or broken on the wheel in a famous painting, and having them writhe on their crosses in a way that is both gruesome and goofy, and having a cacophonous soundtrack of their screams and moans that you will now imagine every time you look at one of those elegantly elegiac paintings from now on... it works. That the music score is being played by an extremely jaunty piper who dances behind you just out of sword's reach as you traverse the field pushes it over the top.

Oh, and the puzzles, while never hair-pullingly obtuse, will leave you stumped at times. Push past that to get the proper ending, but, if you're sick of trying, you can, at any point, just start stabbing your way through problems. Which, again: it takes a very deft touch to make "protagonist resorts to violence" actually funny rather than lazy and obvious. And maybe, in another game, the perfect timing of every animation, the clever quips, the careful contrast of cathedrals and high-society music halls with gleeful sword-swinging wouldn't be enough. But something about it being frickin' Renaissance paintings carries it the last mile.

This is probably the basest game of the three, but it's also the one that made me giggle the most. Having a BFA that required several art history classes may have something to do with it. But check this thing out.

#capsule review #darkside detective #lair of the clockwork god #procession to calvary

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neonacity · 3 years ago

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Like i think so far for me Chenle and Jisung are pretty straight forward? Along with Markie mark but before i get into it, can i ask which era you're using for each of the boys? Like im sure Jisung and Chenle are from Glitch mode right? With the snow white hair on Jisung and the black based wuth red tips for mr.zhong, but im kinda unsure with Mark,Jeno and Haechan? Renjun im thinking is hot sauce? The two toned hair that wrecked the whole grass fandom stands strong in my mind and i saw a post earlier about Jaem being Maw era, like the descriptions are pretty clear tbh but i jjst wanna have a clearer image you know? So i can wreck myself even more as the story progresses 😌 and maybe because i just wanna have an exvuse to look up really attractive pictures of them while reading the story 💀

Anyhoos, the arcanas each boys were given makes me want to crawl into a cave and sob tbh cause its so damn intriguing for me, and like i said tge most straight forward ones are jisung,chenle and mark, and while Haechan seems pretty clear too, i still kinda wonder how far his manifestation skills can be,like is it really safe to just plainly put it as mind games when the effect on it in real time can be pretty physical as shown with how Ten and MC reacted differently with how tbey saw him right?

And as for Renjun, i kinda am confused,its got nothing with how u write tho, i think im still just trying to wrap my head around it,and im pretty sure as the story goes on i'll have a more clearer understanding to it

And The fact that you actually used the Lovers card for Nomin makes me feel like they might be the next main leads here tbh cause they're so prominent even in the intros alone, and the way Jaemin's skill might be linked up with how he can influence others with his own emotion or how he wants them to feel makes me wonder if its a similar case to Jeno, since everyone's first instincts is to fear him, what if its because its how he wants to make them feel like it, much like how Jaem wanted mc to feel more relaxed with him? Idk the story's just started and im still getting to know the characters here but so far this is where my train of thoughts are. 😌

I really enjoy Kun as mc's partner btw,he gives a really reassuring vibe in an overall edgy situation and as a reader i feel like it plays a pretty comforting role too, like mc is so in and out of it and being a blank page to allow us readers to assimulate ourselves in the story as well, having Kun really does help ease out the lengthy tension in the story, all the while getting deeper into it too.

Haechan and Renjun's arcana are the most complicated so far yes, because they mostly control and manipulate the mind, which means their boundaries can be pretty blurry but with Haechan, he projects hallucinations and controls which is affected by them. So during the scene with Ten, Ten was tricked to see him injured like he can see blood and all, but in reality they're not there. It's all just in his head. Renjun, on the other hand, can access the past of someone because he can read memories. Those are ~so far~ what they can do. You might find out more if you read chapter 5.

I am impressed with how you read Jaemin and Jeno though for now i'm keeping my lips sealed. And omg, thank you for appreciating Kun. I love writing him so much as well. He's like MC's big brother partner in crime 🥺

And about the eras of each boys... you know what, im actually going to do a separate post about it to show you because I love you

#reluctantserpent 101 #neona!answers #fic: arcane

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Gimme Love, 1/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Welp! I started this back in March. It was supposed to be a oneshot and then I realised it was 200 odd pages. Whoops! Another songfic based on music by Joji. This one is Gimme Love, which some of you would probably know, it was circling TikTok for a while. Anyway, more song fics to come!! I hope y'all enjoy! Stay safe in these crazy times!

TW: Mental health, panic attacks

1993

"OK, so you got your apple juice, your finger sandwiches, and grapes. And most importantly, you got your best outfit on. Ready?"

No. I wasn't ready. They were going to eat me up. I knew just by how the 3 bitches off to the side stared and laughed. One of them was swinging from the bus stop pole. It sounded evil, but I hoped she would have fallen over.

"No." I clung to my Mother.

"Brianna." She uttered. She was tired, already having dealt with this before leaving the house. And it didn't help that Grandpa only laughed instead of helping out.

"No!" I said louder, squeezing my tiny fists into her shoulders.

"Look. Everything will be fine. The day will fly in, trust me. And I'll be right here when you get off the bus later." Mom continued.

She gave me a kiss on the forehead and shook me off.

As she smoothed her skirt down, I stamped my foot in a huff. For me, this was the second most ultimate betrayal that had ever happened to me. My Mom was making me go to school. How dare she.

"I love you, girl. Be good and have a great day." Mom said before walking away. My gaze followed, feeling the faucet in my eyes turn on. I was prone to cry baby behaviour around this age.

Now that my Mom was gone, it was all game for the bitches.

"Awww, the little baby needs her Mommy." One of them cooed in her fake voice. "Didn't you know the pre-school bus picks up two hours later?"

"Yeah!" Another decided to join in, "And I bet that's not even your real Mommy."

"She is too!" I clenched my tiny fists at my side. This was half true. I was an adopted child, but to me, Roberta was the best Mother I could have ever asked for. And no one had the right to question that.

"No, she's not! Your real Mommy didn't want you 'cause you're ugly!"

"Yeah, look at your hair. It looks like a fur ball."

"And your clothes are obviously hand me downs."

I stamped my feet again. "That's it! I'm giving you the finger!" I flipped them off. I picked it up from Mom, from the many time's drivers pissed her off. When she'd warn me never to do that, I knew it had some sort of power to it.

But it did nothing. The girls just laughed even more. I had no defences; therefore, I was left helpless.

The bus pulled up, and I was last to get in. The girls warned almost everybody to watch out for the "girl with the weird hair".

I moved down the middle of the bus, my head moving from side to side, hoping to find a seat.

Everybody with a free seat either put their bags on the chairs or put their feet up. I wanted to snap, demanding that they let me sit. But the fear inside rendered me silent.

I was nearing the back, where the 3 girls sat. They smirked upon seeing my face, relishing in the fact I was on the verge of tears. All I wanted was to turn back, get off the bus and lock myself in my house.

But as if someone above heard my innermost thoughts, that's when I heard it.

"Do you need a seat?"

I looked towards the voice. And I froze. There she was, an absolute angel. She looked like a Disney Princess with her bright blonde hair and blue eyes.

I hesitated for a moment. But the bus began to move. So I sat down next to her.

"Hi," I said.

"Hey." Her eyes were observing me, looking me up and down. And I felt even more stunned. "You have funny hair."

"My Mommy says I have lovely hair," I replied in defence.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. I just never seen hair like that." The girl replied.

My hair wasn't even bad. I just had a massive head of untamed brown curls. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then again, I had never seen anyone with hair like hers. She looked like she had gone to a salon beforehand. "Your hair looks golden."

"Thank you." She smiled. "I'm Blair. My favourite colour is yellow, and I wanna be a singer when I grow up. How about you?"

"I'm Brianna. My favourite colour is pink. And...I wanna be a politician someday."

"What's a pola...polatichon?" Blair asked.

"A politician." I corrected her. "I don't know what they do. They just shout a lot. And that's what I want to do."

Blair had no idea what I was talking about, but she laughed anyway. And that made my heart skip a beat.

I felt something pelt the back of my head. I grabbed it, looking at the small rolled up bit of my paper in my hand. It was wet. I had just been spitballed for the first time.

Blair looked over her shoulder, and I did the same. It was the three bitches from the bus stop. They weren't even hiding their giggles.

"Not nice." Blair stuck her tongue out at them. Then, turning back around in her seat, she put her hand on mine. "Don't worry about them. I'm your friend, Brianna."

"Really?" My eyes brightened.

"Of course!"

As much as that statement had made my heart soar, how it made me feel like there was nothing to be afraid of…

It was the biggest lie I heard that day.

As soon as I got off the bus at the end of the day, I waved to Blair, unaware that she would be sitting with the 3 bitches the next day.

And then it went on for years, being that ugly girl with weird hair. And it didn't help that I needed glasses later in life.

But I wasn't completely alone. So let me tell you about Jujubee.

2020

"Hey, asshole! I'm pulling in there!"

Jujubee was hanging out the driver side window, flicking the indicator aggressively.

"Juju, can you just...not do that?" I asked, my eyes glued to my phone as I checked how many people had seen my Instagram story. It was a picture of the two of us, showing off our outfits that had been gifted from Alexander McQueen.

"And let that asshole steal my spot? Absolutely not." Jujubee protested. She flipped the guy off, only to receive the same gesture back at her. She wasn't prone to behaving like this. I usually found it absolutely hilarious how loud she could be.

Now, you're probably wondering - two well-dressed ladies in their Alexander McQueen outfits should be seated in the back of a limo, sipping champagne.

I wasn't a fan of limos. They only drew attention.

And with Jujubee hurling dog abuse at the other drivers, I was sure the attention would be on us.

But we made it to the event without any trouble.

Jujubee was hilarious, intentionally and unintentionally. I learned that all the way back on my second day of school. When it was clear to me that I wouldn't be friends with anyone else, I ventured off on my own, exploring the playground and looking for bugs. But, instead, I found her sitting alone in the sandbox.

"Leave me alone. I'm trying to dig to the centre of the Earth." She had said, blowing her shiny black hair out of her face.

I knew she would only reach the bottom of the pit, so I laughed, and I helped her dig. We had been inseparable since.

We grew up together, all the way through elementary, high school and college. And through those years, we had one thing in common - we were the weird ones. The kids who everyone bullied.

Ugh, I hated that word; bullied. It made me feel pathetic and helpless. Jujubee and I, however? We were far from pathetic and helpless. After all, how would we even be where we were if that was the case?

OK, maybe I was pathetic and helpless growing up. No, I was. I had just accepted all the name-calling, the shoving, the damage. Jujubee, on the other hand, would fight against it all.

But back to the current situation. We were now sitting at a table with the other project workers. Everyone was having a great time, and the event hadn't even really begun yet. They passed jokes around, talked about trials and tribulations, and I laughed along.

But I may as well have been alone as I was stuck in my own thoughts. How it was even possible, we were all gathered here for this moment.

I looked at Jujubee, sitting next to me, and felt an overwhelming need to hug the shit out of her. If it weren't for her being so encouraging, then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

"What's up?" She caught me staring.

I lowered my head for a moment, breathing a laugh out through my nostrils. I didn't want to get sappy with her, even though she deserved my gratitude. My best friend, my ride-or-die bitch. Lifting my head again, I smirked. "Nothing. I'm just glad you're on this team." I raised my glass to her before sipping the bubbling champagne.

"Proud of you bitch." Jujubee reaching over and squeezed my free hand.

I was proud of me too. Because, despite all of the shit I dealt with in school, here I was, the manager and director of this whole operation.

All of the hard work paid off - years of trials and tribulations, so many arguments and disagreements. We finally did it. We found a gateway to another world, a parallel universe, a portal in the middle of the space just waiting to be explored.

Of course, people doubted me. They said things like, "Well, it is a dream, all right." How could anyone blame them?

But here we were.

The speaker, Michelle, called me up onto the stage to receive a certificate, all encased in a glass frame. I exchanged air kisses with her and graciously took the award. Jujubee cheered me on as I stood up there, letting people take pictures.

And then came the obligatory speech.

I couldn't lie; I hated public speaking. It was always something I struggled with. But, I never backed down from one. I just liked to keep them short and sweet.

"Long story short, I had dreams, and I worked towards them. So, here I am, an example of the walking embodiment of success. And I thank each and every one of you, ladies and gentlemen. Have a great night."

Short and sweet. The crowd applauded.

Yes, I was told in the past that I'm arrogant, but I disagreed. I'd say confident. And there was nothing wrong with confidence. After all, there has been a stigma around that word. Doesn't it come from a sense of insecurity, the need to tear successful people down because you're afraid to strive towards your goals?

I deserved to feel this successful, for all those times I was laughed at and ridiculed. I look down on all those assholes and let them know that I made it.

I posed for pictures as I held my award, knowing they would be everywhere the next day; in the papers, magazines, the Internet.

This wasn't the first award I had received. I had a shelf full back home, along with all of my past badges. They reminded me that, once upon a time, I was just any other office worker with her yellow badge. And now here I was, the director of the project with my black badge working closely with the government.

I got off the stage and moved back to my chair. Jujubee rolled her eyes, but her smile remained.

"Where's the after-party?" I asked as the audience shifted their attention from me.

Sometimes I never understood how she put up with me. "Don't worry. I got us covered."

She wasn't lying. A few hours later, we were in the apartment of some other rich somebody. Music was bouncing off the walls, the speakers apparently on full blast.

The main lights were out, replaced with multicoloured LEDs dancing around the place. It was as if we were in our own private club.

Jujubee and I were in the crowd dancing, but because I was absolutely wasted, I lost her many times.

No need to panic, however. Jujubee wasn't a drinker. So she'd find me. She always did.

I really did feel sorry that she had to deal with all of my shenanigans.

"Juju, where the fuck are you??" I roared, not that it would do much. Midsummer Madness by 88RISING was blaring now. Starting to stress out now.

I grabbed a champagne flute as a waiter walked by.

"Brianna, I love the dress." A woman leaned over and shouted in my ear. I had met her before at another event, a fashion reporter if I remembered correctly.

"Thanks. It's Versaci."

As I said earlier, it was fucking Alexander McQueen. I was faded.

Somehow I ended up in the bathroom, throwing up all the alcohol I had consumed into the toilet. After I finished, I washed my mouth out, looked at my reflection and said, "Baby, you're a star."

And somehow, I made it back downstairs. I was searching for Jujubee but found someone else instead. And it was fucking Ed Sheeran.

"I love your new song." I lied.

"Which one?"

"The new one." I smiled. "Hey, Ed. You wanna be the first person to go through the portal?" I wrapped an arm around him.

He looked absolutely taken aback. "Of fucking course. My manager will be in touch."

I really hoped he was joking. Why the fuck had I even suggested it?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jujubee. My nerves settled, and I leaned closer to her. "Let's go outside."

I had no recollection of making it out to the balcony. The only thing I remembered happening before then was rambling to many strangers about how much I adored Jujubee.

A few other party attendees were outside too. I wanted to tell them how I didn't deserve Jujubee and that she was an angel. But she quickly steered me away.

I looked out over the city, a happy smile on my face.

"Are you having fun, baby girl?" Jujubee asked, using her favourite pet name for me. She sparked up a cigarette. I wanted to ask her for one, having gone from chain smoker to social smoker in recent years. But I was too distracted by the view.

"Yeah. I can feel it, Juju." I replied, looking at my hands. It was almost like I could actually feel it. The euphoric feeling of success running in my veins. "Good things are coming."

"Oh, I feel it too." Jujubee blew out the smoke and followed my gaze. "You know what? Your Grandpa was a great guy. And I know that he's proud of you."

My smile dropped. And I was silent.

I preferred to avoid speaking about things like this. Emotions weren't something I liked to deal with - another difference between Jujubee and me.

Just the year prior, we both went to see Midsommar. During the scene where the main character is having a breakdown on the ground surrounded by the Hargan woman screaming along with her, Jujubee was captivated. She looked almost like she wanted to scream along with them. And as she squeezed my hand and leaned over to me, she said, "I need someone to do that with me." I replied with a quiet, "Can't relate."

I'm not insensitive. I just feared emotions for two reasons.

1. They could be weaponised against me. And as much as I tried not to let the online hate get to me, I knew that if it ever became personal, then it would hit difficult.

2. The most important reason of all; a childhood full of breakdowns and too many emotions.

Jujubee nudged me. "You wanna go?"

I didn't want to. But I said, "Yeah. I'm...so drunk right now," and turned away from the city view.

"Can I be that annoying whore and ask if I can stay at your place?" Jujubee asked, taking my hand.

She didn't even need a reason. "Yes, you can."

We waded our way through the crowd, made for the door and left. And before I knew it, we were back at my place, lying in my bed. I loaned her a t-shirt to sleep in. I wanted to sleep in my Alexander McQueen. But Jujubee wouldn't let me.

We both lay there, facing the ceiling. I could already feel the oncoming suffering. Usually, I loved moments like these, when time became fluid, when I didn't have to worry about how I had even gotten home.

But my head was pounding, and the loud ringing in my ears was the cause. If I was bad now, I'd be dead by morning.

I could feel Jujubee's eyes on me, and I looked back at her. She was smiling, her brown eyes glimmering. "Almost there, girl."

Despite the pain I was in, I smiled back. I knew this whole thing, the thingy, the portal; it wasn't just my dream. It was hers too.

Fuck, I was hammered.

"Almost there," was all I could manage to say.

Jujubee turned on her side and treated me to some cuddly spooning. "OK, go to sleep, loser."

It was straining on my neck, but I kept my head turned, letting my eyes linger for a moment longer. God, I fucking loved that bitch. Nothing was ever going to come between us, and that made me the happiest.

I turned over, my back relaxing against her torso. Then, before giving in to my exhaustion, I checked my phone. The bright light made me squint at first. And the alcohol in my system didn't help matters.

I checked how many people had seen my story now. The number was blurry. So I aimlessly swiped notifications away.

But I stopped at one message in particular.

Blair: Hey Brianna! Long time no speak. I just wanted to say I saw pictures from your thing tonight. Congrats, girl! Look, I know you're probably super busy, but I'd love to have a catch up with you sometime.

"..." My eyes were wide. Now that was a name I hadn't heard in a long time.

1995

"Do you see Cassiopeia yet?" Juju whined.

I was trying my hardest to find it in the telescope. But the stars were all in clutters; there were so many. "No. I think I see the big dipper, though."

"Really? Let me have a turn!" Juju begged.

I pulled away from the telescope, allowing Juju her turn. Usually, I would have refused, only letting her use the scope after finding what I was looking for.

I really hadn't found the big dipper, but Juju bought it. "Wooooow. That's so cool."

"I know, right?" I smirked.

The backdoor opened, and Grandpa came out in his winter jacket, pj's and his signature slippers. "How many have you girls found now?"

He was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream. I cheered excitedly because Grandpa's hot chocolate was the best, and I'd fight anyone who tried to tell me otherwise.

"We found the big dipper. But that's it." Juju replied, sounding very much let down.

"Don't lose hope," Grandpa gave us our hot chocolate, "some are harder to find than others. I bet there are a lot more constellations out there that haven't even been discovered yet."

I sipped the hot drink, and I could feel it already warming me up. I was so tempted to take my gloves off and let the mug warm them up. But we promised my Mom we would stay wrapped up. "Do you think we could discover one?"

Grandpa took a seat on one of the old deck chairs. "Brianna, you can do anything you set your mind to. Anything is possible."

"One day, I wanna get into a rocket ship and fly away," I said, looking up at the night sky, imagining the scene in my head.

"Hey, Mr Caldwell, are there other people like us? Just looking up at the sky?" Juju asked, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

"That's an interesting question. I'd say yes, what with how nice the sky is tonight," Grandpa let his gaze trail up, the stars reflecting in his eyes, "But did you know, somewhere far, far away, there are two little girls who are exactly like you. They look the same, they talk the same and even have your names. And they are doing exactly what you're doing right now."

My brows knit in confusion, "what do you mean 'far far away?"

Grandpa looked down again, seeing how intrigued Juju and I was. "Let's just call it the other world. It's basically like our world, but...certain things are different. Like," he paused to think, "maybe cats bark and dogs meow. Or, maybe the sky is pink and not blue. Maybe you girls are actually older, and I'm the young one."

"Do horseys fly in the other world?" Juju asked with much optimism.

"Probably. I don't see why not." Grandpa shrugged.

I glanced up at the sky as if I would somehow just see it. Another world where life was somewhat better.

"Would my Mommy and Daddy have given me up in the other world?" I asked quietly.

Grandpa was silent. His lips were pursed, forming a tight line like there were words on the tip of his tongue that he knew he shouldn't say.

Juju hugged me from the side. I wanted to hug her back but didn't want to cry.

Her hold made me feel safe, so I offered her a half-smile.

Since my first day at school, when those cretins had tried to tell me Roberta wasn't my real Mom, it stuck with me. Yeah, I knew deep down those girls didn't know shit, and Roberta was the best Mother in the world, but I was only human.

As much as I loved my Mom, Grandpa and other family members, I just wanted to feel acceptance from my biological parents.

"Brianna, honey, whoever your family is in the other world, I'm sure they love you from the bottom of their hearts. Just like we do." Grandpa said. He extended his arms out, offering me a hug.

I didn't want it. But I knew I needed it.

That night, we didn't find any constellations. Not that it mattered. After my Grandpa went back inside, Juju and I were set on finding the other world instead.

And this interest went on for nearly a whole year.

It sounded dumb, but we would play games where we were our 'other world selves'. Juju lived in a house full of cats, and they were 'cutest cats in the whole country. So cute they won every pageant!'

And I lived in a huge mansion with my Mom, Grandpa, and my biological parents.

We collectively agreed that our other world selves were the prettiest girls in school, and we had tons of friends. We were so cool, we didn't even have to go to school.

Of course, this started a minor argument between us. Juju would always say, "how can we be the prettiest girls at school if we don't have to go to school??"

"Shut up, Juju! Anything is possible in the other world!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't make sense!"

All of it was so ridiculous. But we loved every minute of it.

I'll never forget the time we built a fort in the woods at the back of my house, and Juju stood under the archway and shouted. "I'm the queen of 'Other World'. Beware ye bastards who enter our domain!"

Then she got upset because she said a bad word and thought she had betrayed her parents.

A few minutes later, I fucked up.

"I, Brianna Caldwell, am the Queen of 'Other World'. I sit on this throne along with my best friend, Blair St Clair!"

Juju was even more upset now.

"Why is she your best friend?? I'm your best friend!" She began to cry.

"Jujubee, it's only pretend." I tried to reason with her.

"No, Brie-Brie. You're always talking about Blair! I know you would rather be best friends with her than me!"

"That's not true!"

"It is!" She wept. "She'll never be your friend, Brie-Brie. She doesn't even like you."

"Take that back!"

"No!"

My anger was bubbling beyond the boiling point. So I shoved her over. "Go away. Now!"

Juju ran off crying.

My teeth were grit, my fists clenched. For about 5 minutes, I stormed around the fort, screaming in anger and kicking the ground.

Mom was freaked out. She knew it was me screaming, so she came running. When she found me, she shouted at me for scaring the absolute fuck out of her.

This only pissed me off more. It took her 5 minutes to get me to chill out.

When I finally explained what happened, she told me it was OK and that we'd be friends again the next day.

It didn't help my mood, so she took me to the mall. It was a rare occasion for us to visit the place. We weren't the richest, what with Mom struggling to keep a job. She wasn't a lousy worker; someone else would just come along who was much more experienced. And without another parental figure to help out, it just meant not much money was being brought into the house.

But Mom decided we'd go to the toy store, and I'd find two dolls, one for me and one for Juju. I made sure they looked exactly like us. Well, considering the nice clothes and great hair, they were our other-selves.

And leaving the building, I was perched on Mom's shoulders, eating the biggest ice cream cone I had ever gotten, when I looked over at the jewellery shop. Two women were leaving the store, holding hands. They leaned in close to each other and kissed.

I just...stared as they smiled at each other, mesmerised by the adoration they so clearly shared.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Brianna, baby?"

"Why are those two ladies kissing?"

Mom cast a quick glance to where I was looking. "Oh. OK, first of all, don't stare. It's rude. But yeah, they're just two ladies in love with each other. That's all."

I looked away, just as she told me to do. "They're in love? I thought only boys and girls could be in love."

"I guess they're still telling you that in school, huh?" Mom quipped. "Well, I'll tell you this, but keep it on the down-low 'cause I don't want no parents coming and knocking on my door saying you're putting ideas into their kids' heads." She laughed. "The truth is; boys can fall in love with boys, and girls can fall in love with girls. You fall in love with whoever your heart tells you to, Brianna."

I nodded. "Uh, huh. OK, I understand." But then, it hit me. "Fuck."

"Brianna." Mom warned. She knew I was prone to sometimes spurting a few cuss words. But she only had herself to blame.

"Sorry, Mommy." And as we left the mall, my brain couldn't stop thinking about what had popped into my head.

Maybe, just maybe, I was in love with Blair.

My mind was taking me back to years prior, still in my first year of elementary school. It was coming up to Valentine's Day, and we all had to make a card for someone in the class. Bit of a weird activity for a bunch of kids who were more concerned if they were getting bikes for Christmas or not.

And I slaved over my card, making it yellow instead of the traditional pink colour, and drawing daisies all over it.

The message read, "You really deserve this. You're welcome." I've always been a poetic genius.

And instead of giving it to any of the boys, I insisted it went to Blair.

I had vague memories of that day. I only remembered her confused face as I handed it over.

I never received a card in return.

Of course, the other kids picked on me for it. But Juju had my back.

"You're all just jealous 'cause Brie-Brie's card is unique!" I remember her shouting.

But of course, they weren't jealous. This concept was foreign to them - a girl gifting another girl with a Valentine's Day gift. But then again, they just didn't know any better.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #fluff #coming of age #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #gimme love #grinder #concrit welcome #tw panic attacks #tw mental health issues

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pray4jensen · 4 years ago

Note

dont take this in the wrong way because i think its kind of funny, im from the rural you can SO tell that you're a canadian writing mrs christian that is teeters between downright cartoonish and me wondering if im supposed to take offense to it. i dont know, maybe im just tired of characters from my type of background being to used as ignorant strawmen. the silliest i think is deciding dean is a city boy first glace though, with the flannel, gun, stubble, accent and all that lol

anon, i’m truly sorry if my fic caused you any bad feelings in any way because that is 100% not my intention. but also i do put a disclaimer right from the get-go that in no way does my characterization of the townspeople in lebanon supposed to reflect real life. mrs. christian is supposed to be cartoonish but so is the case with everyone else. maybe i didn’t do a great job of it but, for what it’s worth, i’ve also been trying to write dean and cas and sam a little more two-dimensional to suit the style of the story. at any rate, they are not exactly how i would write them in any of my other fics either; for example, dean has shed more tears in this fic than all of the other times combined.

i actually did base the story a tiny bit on a famous canadian novel. the characters in this novel are also similarly silly. i also drew from my experiences living in various rural small towns in quebec, canada over the past couple of years. so yes, maybe my canadianness is showing here, but i did not at any point write this story with the intention to malign people who live in more rural settings because i myself have lived in such settings and i know life is not a movie.

that said, everybody in my fic is supposed to be ‘silly’ in some way. there’s a reason all of the townspeople have names that speak to their profession or sexuality. there’s a reason why everybody in lebanon in this fic is queer in some way, except for maybe sam winchester who’s pretty straight. it’s supposed to be a humorous story, and not a realistic one, and naturally that means certain character traits are grossly exaggerated to draw out that humour.

#boredombabbles #ask #anon #i'm not sure what u mean by calling dean a city boy #i've never described the winchesters as city folk #castiel is exclusively the city man #and tbh if my fic makes ppl uncomfortable #i am more than happy to take it down #i don't want stories i write to be hurtful in any way #but so far the response that this fic has gotten #hasn't really given me the impression that anybody feels offended #but yeah do let me know if you feel that way!

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sierraraeck · 4 years ago

Text

How to Lose Friends

BAU x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Summary: When Aundreya’s presence is requested at the BAU, she doesn’t know what to think, and is dreading the reactions of her previous teammates. Especially that of Doctor Spencer Reid. Story sixteen.

Category: Some angst.

Warnings: Cussing. Normal CM talk. Mentions of prison.

Word Count: 5.0k

A/N: I hit 100k words of fanfic I’ve written for this series in this part.

The buzz of the bell signaling a door opening jolted me awake.

What the fuck? Why is my door being opened?

The light streaming in from the hallway, invading my dark little space, was blinding. The only solace was the dark figure shielding most of the light from my eyes.

“What?” I rasped.

“Aundreya Chambers, lovely to see you again,” the voice was coated with sarcasm. While still somewhat unfamiliar to me, I knew who’s face belonged to that type of bitchy sarcasm.

“Majesty Strauss, welcome to my humble home. Would you like a tour before we begin?” I still barely had my eyes open, denying the fact that my minimal sleep was being desturbed. She moved further into the cell in order to stand right in front of me.

“Get up. Your presence has been requested at the BAU.”

“What? Why do they want me?” I finally opened my eyes enough to stare up at her stone cold bitchface. That was the last thing I was expecting this morning. “Is it so they each take their turn reminding me how much they hate me?”

“Stop whining and get up. They need your help,” she all but rolled her eyes, the sound of her heels clicking back over to my cell door.

“With what?” I insisted.

“I’ll brief you on the drive.” Strauss completely exited my box while I laid my head back against the thin as paper pillow, letting out an irritated sigh. “Are you coming?”

“Do I have a choice?” She gave the tightest lipped, most forced smile I’d seen a human give as one of the officers came to clasp the handcuffs around my wrists.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

The first half of the drive was dull. Strauss wasn’t much for small talk, especially with someone like me, and she refused to let me in on what was happening until we were only a few minutes out from headquarters.

It was Maeve. She’d had a stalker for a while, and now there was reason to believe she’s in immediate danger. That’s all she told me.

We finally arrived at Quantico, and I almost wanted to laugh. It’d been… what? Fifteen months since the last time I’d been there? The feeling of walking back in felt oddly familiar, like the first time I entered the building as a convicted criminal who was meeting the team. Despite the three years I’d spent with them, I was standing there as if nothing had changed. Actually, that’s not true. Things had changed. They’d gotten worse. Now, instead of wondering how they’d react to a somewhat normal looking girl who’d had a rough past, I knew exactly how they’d react to a psycho looking, handcuffed, last-time-I-saw-you-I-confessed-to-murder, criminal. And I didn’t want any part of it.

But if that’s how they were gonna see me, I might as well have worn it with pride. I had a reputation to uphold.

I was pushed through the glass doors into the bullpen, and everyone’s eyes snapped to me. I must’ve been quite the sight: disheveled, frizzy braids, cuts and bruises on every visible part of my body (and most non visible parts, too), my orange jumpsuit peeking through the stained, weak excuse they called sweats, not to mention the chains connecting my handcuffs to the links around my ankles. Upon entering, they removed my cuffs, but kept a watchful eye on me as I approached the door to the briefing room. The people behind there were the ones I really cared about. Or, at least, cared even a shard about in comparison to the utter indifference I felt toward everyone else.

I closed my eyes, and took a long, deep breath before forcing the door open. I had barely entered the room, barely made eye contact with Hotch standing opposite me, before both my shoulder blades were shoved against the wall behind me, long fingers wrapping around my throat.

“What is she doing here?” the hiss in Reid’s voice sounded exactly how I’d imagined it in my head, preparing myself for this encounter. He looked almost as bad as me. His curls were going in a million directions, and I could only imagine the amount of times he’d run his hands through them. His eyes were blood-shot and slightly puffy, and the dark bags underneath seemed more defined. The only thing that contrasted all of that, and let me know his head was still in it, was the darkness in them. There was nothing lighthearted or soft about them anymore, at least, not for the moment and not for me. Not to mention the rage I could see boiling at the surface. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror.

Morgan and Hotch made a move to pull him off of me, but I waved them away. I knew this was coming, and the sooner we got it over with, the sooner we could go back to our new normal. “I was invited.”

“By who?” I could hear the betrayal coating his voice before he even knew who it was.

“You didn’t tell him?” It was Rossi that spoke up.

“I was about to,” Hotch stated, “She showed up a bit earlier than I anticipated.”

Reid just stood there, orbs of fire replacing his eyes. “Let go of me,” I forced out through clenched teeth. He did as I asked, taking a staggering step back and just bore holes into me. I replied with a smirk. “So what do you need me for?”

“As Strauss should have already told you, Maeve is missing and there is reason to believe she’s in danger,” Hotch recited.

“Great. So what do you need me for?” I repeated. They were great profiles, I couldn’t see anything I’d add to the group.

“As you know, there have been people in the past that threatened her safety, and they have been people you’ve had a connection with.”

I arched an eyebrow. “So you think that the person responsible for Maeve’s disappearance is some street rat I’d know?”

“If you want to put it that way, sure,” Hotch confirmed.

“Okay, then you guys have seriously lost brain cells since I left,” I let out a bitter laugh, “There’s no way some rando on the street would care about some lame doctor.” I saw Reid’s posture tighten up, and I didn’t really fancy the idea of being slammed into the wall again, so I shot him a quick, “No offense.”

“What makes you so sure?” Morgan asked.

“Look, all I’m saying, is that I don’t see how she’d hold any value to anyone on the streets. Unless she’s all the sudden a drug lord, running a gang, or saw too much, they wouldn’t care about her. And let’s say for fun she is one of those things, and someone on the streets did take her, she’s already dead,” I pointed out. Reid flinched. “People on the streets don’t play with their food.”

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Reid hissed.

I shrugged. “I’m just saying. But either way, case closed or start over. Neither of which require me.”

“They might, actually,” Hotch said.

“What now?” I grumbled.

“We might still want to utilize your other skills.”

“And what are those, exactly? You can all profile just fine without me,” I scoffed. “Clearly, you’ve been doing just fine these past 15 months. Speaking of, where is my replacement?”

Looking around the room, I didn’t see Doctor Lewis.

“She’s gone for this one, so we could use another person,” Hotch acknowledged.

“Cool. So find another person.”

“Aundreya, we could use your ability to track down people. We can profile all we want, and have Garcia send us all the information she can dig up, but we need someone who can actually locate them. Someone who knows how to find people without a record or paper trail, who don’t want to be found. And based on the other working profile we have, that’s exactly the type of person we’d be tracking down.”

I let out an annoyed sigh and rolled my eyes. There was no way I was getting out of this, so I forced out, “Fine. Let’s find Reid’s girlfriend.”

The whole room of people, myself included, starting moving with a purpose toward something to do. Everyone except for Doctor Reid. He was just standing there, hands shoved in his pockets, staring at me.

I tried so hard to ignore him, and I was about to say something when Morgan beat me to it, placing a hand on his shoulder and murmuring, “Kid, what’s going on?”

His answer was not directed at Morgan. “Nothing else? That’s it, that’s all you have to say?”

I looked up at him and even I could feel the boredom in my eyes. “What else is there to say?”

After a few deafening moments, he sternly whispered, “Was any of it real?”

I could tell by his face the deeper questions behind it. Did you ever actually care about me? Were you just manipulating and using me the whole time? Was the possibility of ‘us’ just an illusion?

“I could ask you the same question,” I snapped. It suddenly felt like he and I were the only ones in the room, like we were moving across a silver screen while the rest of the team watched from their theatre seats.

“I still wanna know why.”

“Why what? There’s a lot I’ve done, you’re gonna have to be more specific,” I deadpanned.

“All of it. Prison, letting me take the fall, Darrell-”

I stopped him right there. “Inmates kill each other all the time. It was a means of survival. I had to, I couldn’t let you die, and I couldn’t let you be the killer either, now could I? You’re not the damaged one-”

It was his turn to cut me off, and I was surprised by his words, “You're not damaged.”

“What makes you so sure?” I was quick to refute, “Only one of us should have to carry that burden around. And like you said, what’s another name to add to my list?”

“Is that what you were carrying around with you all the time?” Prentiss’s question seemed so genuine, I just answered.

“Yes, that and…” then I realized what she’d just admitted to.

“And what?” she probed.

“Wait, were you guys watching me?” I accused. The silence that followed, along with ‘oh shit’ glances were all I needed. “You were, weren't you! That whole time you just watched? And did nothing to help me!”

“What were we supposed to do?” Morgan joined in.

“Something, anything!” I looked back over to Reid, his hands in his pockets and his eyes still burning up. “Do you even want me on this case?” I was looking for any and every excuse to get out of this room, and away from these people.

“You are a big help,” Hotch intervened.

“I didn’t ask you,” I shot Hotch a glance out of the corner of my eye, then directed my attention back at Reid, enunciating each word carefully, “Do you want me on this case?”

“Why would you ask that?” he dodged.

“Because last time I checked, I was supposed to be staying out of Maeve’s life,” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“You are, but these are extenuating circumstances,” he returned my look.

“So you do want my help,” I clarified.

“I want your skills.”

I let out a disgusted chuckle, venom dripping from my words. “Oh I get it. You only want me around when it's convenient for you. Otherwise you just wanna give up on me and let me rot in there.”

Reid broke eye contact with me. “All the evidence pointed to you.”

His words sent a shiver up my spine, as the neurons in my brain started firing at rapid speed. I’d heard those words before; rather, I’d seen those words before, and I couldn’t resist reciting what followed. “But the one thing you can’t stop thinking about is what Hotch said the night we got caught?”

His eyes immediately snapped back to mine, looking astonished. “What?”

I set my jaw, and continued, “That you were manipulating me the whole time and I’d fallen into the trap of a professional criminal, even as a profiler. I don’t want to believe that, but maybe it’s true.”

Derek jumped in, “What are you talking about?”

I ignored him. “Maybe you’re the one who’s been using me this whole time. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t think I ever will. Don’t keep tabs on me. I know you have the means to, in whatever capacity, but I don’t want you tracking my life.”

“Stop, Aundreya, please,” he pleaded. If you didn’t want those words getting out, didn’t want your team to realize how vile you could be, you should have thought about that before sending me that letter.

I wasn’t gonna stop. Instead, I started pulling the paper out of my pocket. “I no longer want you to be a part of it. And stay out of Maeve’s, in case you think that’s some twisted loophole you can use. This is no longer your family.” By the end, I felt just a little moisture coming to the surface, but I choked my tears back down.

“What is she talking about?” Morgan insisted.

Reid’s mouth was slightly open, struggling to find the right words to explain this. I wasn’t going to give him the chance. I tossed his letter, folded up to fit in my pocket, on the table. It slid across and stopped right in the middle. “His letter. The piece of paper you saw me walking around with, this is it. My list on one side, his letter on the other.”

“Aundreya-” Reid attempted.

“You didn’t even sign your name,” I shook my head, “You couldn’t even sign your fucking name. It’s pathetic. And just so you know, the evidence pointed toward me because I helped it to.”

“So you did or didn’t want to go to prison?” he asked me.

“Of course I didn’t want to go, Reid,” I answered like it was the dumbest question I’d ever heard.

“Then why'd you take the fall for me?”

“Because you didn’t do it.”

“But neither did you, right?”

It sounded like more of a mockery than a question, but I answered, “Right.”

“Then why did you do it?”

“Jesus Spence! I did it because I-” Oh shit.

All eyes were on me as he slowly asked, “You what?”

“Nothing. Forget it.” With that, I stormed out of the room using the back door, and made my way up to the rooftop.

The cool breeze hit me in an instant, and I relished in the fresh air. It’s crazy how easily I took that for granted the three years I was out. I leaned up against the railing as I soaked in this feeling. I wouldn’t get to keep it for long.

I heard the door creak open, and knew who it was before she could even say anything.

“You know, I understand why he’s mad. He thinks I let him sit in prison for something I did, you all do,” I quickly tacked on.

“That’s not true,” Emily’s voice could be so soft sometimes.

“It’s okay, I get why you all believe it. I would have too if I were you. I mean, my whole life has consisted of lying, manipulating, and cheating.” I looked over at her once she’d joined me at the railing. Her face was kind, as if she was inviting me to continue. “I hate everything about it.”

“Is that why your name is on the bottom of that list?”

I hadn’t even thought about them seeing that. Fuck me. “Did you know that Aundreya isn’t even my real name?” I offered instead.

“Alionth?” she guessed.

I gave a single laugh. “No. I was born Clara Spade. I was her all the way up until the Slaughterer saw me. When we went into WITSEC, my name was changed to Cassy Sae. I lived as her until our house burnt down, and I begged Gideon to help me disappear. Cassy Sae died that day with her mom and sister, and I changed my name again to Aundreya Chambers. It was Aundreya who hit the streets and joined a gang. It was Aundreya who was The Figure and moved up the ranks until she ran the joint. When the gang collapsed and I started the ring, I don’t know, I guess I just wanted a new name. A new name had marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life up until that point, why not keep the tradition, you know?” Emily nodded along to my words. “I chose Alionth because I’d already been using that as my stage name at clubs, and a lot of the people I recruited I met at clubs. I actually ran my whole operation out of one, so the name just naturally fell into place. Then I made just about the biggest mistake of my life, which landed me in prison. In prison, most people were street rats, so those who did know me, knew me as Aundreya, so I went back to being her.”

“And who are you now?” she asked me.

I sighed. “I… I have no idea. I’ve been Aundreya for the majority of my life, but I just don’t know if she’s good enough anymore.”

“It’s not about the name. I know you think it does, but the name has nothing to do with who you are.”

“I don’t know, it sure feels like that.”

“It’s not true. Falling into that trap is unwise, it’ll hurt you more than it already has,” her eyes were wide, and I could tell she was trying to read me.

“So you think I’m stupid?” I asked.

“No, the exact opposite actually. I think you are so smart and are looking so many steps ahead, that you can no longer see what’s right in front of you.”

“And what’s that?”

“That you’re afraid.” I scoffed at her, but she was completely serious.

“I am not,” I insisted.

“You are. You’ve been hurt so many times, betrayed even, and now you won’t allow anyone in.” She sounded like she was speaking from experience. The silence hung between us before she said what I’d been waiting on the whole time. “Just tell him.”

“What?” I tried to play it off.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Emily said, in that stern but caring tone she’d mastered. We both knew I knew what she was talking about, and I’d been too hopeful she’d ignore my near-confession only minutes earlier.

“I can’t,” I said, my voice dropping.

“Why not? I think he deserves to know that you lov-”

“Don’t say that,” I cut her off like my life depended on it, “Emily, I’m telling you, I can’t. I can’t do that to him,” my eyes were wide with pleading, and I’m sure I looked like a wild animal in headlights.

“Give me a good reason why.”

You say that as if I haven’t already compiled a list in my head of all the reasons we wouldn’t work over the past three years.

But I opted only for the biggest reason, the one at the very top of my list. “Because I’m terrified that it will kill us both.”

“Huh?”

“Look at us. We’re a disaster! I mean, hell knows, we’ve both already almost died for the other. I don’t want to take the chance that next time we won’t be so lucky,” I explained. And if we aren’t, at least one of us should be able to get out and that person is not me. I could tell there was something else lingering on Emily’s face, but I filled the airspace before she could. “No, I need him to hate me. It’ll be easier this way, because when this goes south, and it will go south, it makes it that much easier for him to just forget about me and move on, move on with Maeve, his great girlfriend who can actually be there for him in a way I haven’t been able to, in a way I don’t even think I’m capable of.”

“I would call going to prison for him ‘being there’ for him, even to an extreme, and I think you should let him make his own choice about how he feels about you,” she gave me a pointed look, “knowing all the facts.”

I shook my head. She just wasn’t getting this. “It’s better this way, trust me, I’ve seen it before, been there before, too many times. It’s better if he already hates me going into this. It would be unfair of me to lay that on him, knowing what I’m going to have to do.”

“And what is that?” I stared at her, open-mouthed, and once she realized I wasn’t going to answer her, she asked, “This is about more than just Maeve, isn’t it?”

Yes. There are people who are hunting me down, and I’m scared shitless that you, and Spencer, and the rest of the team will get caught in the crossfire, and yet again, it will be my fault that practically the only people on this planet I care about, who’ve actually cared about me at some point, will be dead. I wanted so badly to tell her, to get everything off my chest, but I just couldn’t. The less she, and the team, knew, the better.

“Is this about those other two names on the list?”

“You saw that, huh?”

“Yeah. Is that what this is also about? The whole ‘end of the world, protecting Reid’ vibe you have going on?”

I didn’t know how to answer, so again, I just stood there silently.

“It sounds to me like you’re giving up, expecting to die,” Emily filled in the silence.

“I am definitely expecting to die, and I’m expecting it to be nasty, and hateful, and to completely ruin me, yes. But like hell I’m giving up.” I wanted to make that perfectly clear.

“Good. So while I don’t know what else is going on, and you clearly aren’t open to telling me, I do know that Maeve needs our help. Yours specifically. And I can’t imagine how much this sucks for you, but-”

“I know,” I said, nodding, “We have a case.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

While Emily and I were out, the rest of the team had gone back to trying to put pieces together. The moment I walked in the door was the same moment Reid left. JJ walked out after him, but not before giving Emily a knowing look. It’s like they were tag teaming us or something. I tried to blow it off.

“Get anything?” I huffed.

“Maybe…” Derek trailed off.

“What does that mean?”

“We have a list of people we want you to look over,” Rossi said, handing over his tablet.

“Damn, already?” I questioned.

“Have you already forgotten how quickly I work?” Penelope looked over at me with an amused face.

“Well, time hasn’t exactly been my friend as of late so I might be a little rusty, but no, my liege, you just never cease to amaze me.” And with that, I felt some of the tension release from the room. Not much, but I’d take it. I think everyone would take it.

We worked well into the night, looking over people and sending pairs of agents out to question the promising ones, and as I expected, every single one was a dead end.

Until one of them wasn’t.

The boys had just got back from interviewing Robert Putnam’s, Maeve’s fiance, parents.

“He look good for this?” I asked as soon as Hotch stormed into the room, Rossi and Morgan right on his heels. Reid hung back, like we were repelling ends of a magnet.

“I want you on him.” Hotch had barely gotten the command out before I reached for the door handle.

“I don’t.” The words were hot and dry and coming from none other than Doctor Reid.

I stopped to face him. “Why not?”

“I don’t trust you. Who’s to say you won’t just run off? Then we’d let a high-profile criminal walk free and let Maeve…” he cut himself off, and I saw him swallow, probably choking down the tears with it.

“Reid,” Hotch barely drew his attention away from me.

“It’s okay,” I assured Hotch, “I get that you don’t trust me. None of you do. But I need you to make up your mind. Either you want me helping or you don’t.” When I got no more than a few blinks, I continued, “Look, you don’t have to trust me, okay? All you have to trust is my skills. Like you said, I’m a professional at things like this, so I can handle tracking one simple weasel. Not to mention, that if I didn’t want to be here, or I wanted to’ve escaped, I would have done it already. And if you’re worrying about my capacity to actually treat this case with some care, don’t. I already blindly tried to get myself shot for her before I even knew who she was, remember? So if you don’t wanna trust me, great. Don’t. I’m fine with that. But trust my abilities and what I know, what you know, I can do.”

I stared at him so long, that I wondered if small roots started pushing their way into the ground below me.

“Okay. Go,” was all I got, but it was all I needed.

I gave him a single nod, and headed for the door.

I got just a few feet out when Hotch’s voice caught me, “Chambers.”

I spun around to face him. Once he pulled the door shut, I asked, “What’s up?”

“He’ll come around.”

I snorted, “You’re funny, Aaron,” I spoke through laughs, “Got any other good jokes before I head out?”

“I’m serious.” I don’t know what it was in his tone, but it snapped me completely out of it.

“He won’t. I fucked up, real bad, and I broke a promise to him,” I lowered my voice so I was whisper-yelling the next part, “Hell! I killed a man in front of him!”

“We all have,” he nonchalantly stated. The disconnect I was feeling had to have been obvious, and he proceeded, “We shoot people in front of him all the time. We do it to save other people, we’ve even done it to save him a few times. How is it any different?”

My eyes went wide, and I couldn’t believe it was Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner who was saying these things to me right now. “No you don’t understand. I promised people, I promised myself, that that wasn’t who I was anymore. But that's exactly who I am. I said that I wouldn’t do things like that again, and then I did, breaking my promise and proving that I’m exactly the same as I was all those years ago. Someone you, and he, can’t trust.”

“We both know that’s not true.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he just kept going without me, “The way he reacted to you getting arrested that night is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget. He looked disgusted with me, after I aided you in your plan to get him out. He said to me, ‘You can’t do this, Hotch, you can’t let this happen!’ He was so hostile that he cussed at me and tried to hit me,” I audibly gasped at this information. I could never see Reid acting like that, but I would know just how much prison changes a person. “Morgan had to restrain him before all the work you’d just done to get him out of prison went to waste on something as stupid as him acting out.”

I didn’t know what to say, “Hotch, I…”

“I knew what you were doing, so while Morgan tried to get him to calm down, I told him that you were giving him an out. We knew that there was a very high likelihood that he was going to die in there, but we knew that you wouldn’t.” He offered a small chuckle then, which totally threw me for a loop.

“What is it, what’s funny?”

“Spencer said that we couldn’t know that, and it was Morgan who said, and I believe he used these exact words, ‘She’s strong. Plus, they’ll want her in solitary, worried that she’ll do much more damage to others than they’ll do to her.’”

Even I had to crack a smile at that. “He’s not wrong.”

“He definitely was not. I think he was still recovering from that nasty black eye you gave him.”

I offered a not-so-regretful grimace.

“One more thing,” I looked up at him as he spoke, his tone returning to that of seriousness. “It doesn’t have to be right now, or within the next couple of months even, but he deserves to know the truth.”

I don’t even know why I tried, but it was my natural reaction to deflect. “What are you talking about?”

“It doesn’t take a profiler to know that memorizing and reciting the only piece of contact you’ve had with him verbatim shows how much you care about him and what he thinks of you. And based on the sole fact that you don’t really seem to care at all what anyone thinks of you, that speaks volumes.”

I stood there blinking at him for a moment or two before having my wits come back to me. I started to shake my head, but he continued to speak.

“Do you really want to prove that you’re not like that anymore, that you’ve changed?”

He always seemed to know the right questions. I nodded my head, “Yes.”

The great Aaron Hotchner looked me straight in the eyes, “Then go catch this killer.”

Series Taglist (open)

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rpmemesbyarat · 4 years ago

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RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 1 "Pilot" & Ep 2 "Hell Week"(Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

Something really bad happened.

Did you just get your period all over yourself?

This isn't my blood.

Who told you you could have a baby here tonight?

I'm sure I can walk if I can just get some Gatorade.

I don't care if you can walk.

How are we supposed to get you to the front door without everyone seeing you all gross and postpartum?

No one wants to see that at a party.

This is super embarrassing.

I didn't even know I was pregnant.

You guys, they're playing "Waterfalls."

Is that a baby? Amazing.

I am not missing "Waterfalls" for this. "Waterfalls" is my jam.

Give the baby some mojito to quiet it down.

How do you know she's dead?

These are my minions. I don't know their names. I don't want to know their names.

I have a colonic at 10

Life is a class system.

Oh, still a lot of puke to scrub.

Yeah, you have an amazing skill at telling people what they need to hear.

I'm sorry. Did I ask you to pull down my panties and blow a compliment up my butt?

I hate sororities, and I hate you.

First of all, I'm not a lesbian.

You see, out in the real world, people just don't talk that way to other people. It's not normal.

Well, that sure sounds suspicious.

No one forced that goat to get as drunk as it got.

Historically, short people are sneaky backstabbers, like Napoleon or Paul Shaffer.

I could actually handle that you're built like a Thai ladyboy, but what I can't stand is that you think you're my heir apparent.

Don't you want me to spray-tan you?

I would honestly rather not have you around.

The police still can't figure out who filled that tank with hydrochloric acid.

It's good enough for me, and the D.A., who, last I heard, considers the case closed.

What is that skirt?

Your organization might want to find a lawyer.

I'm a pretty smart cookie.

I would not get personal with me, sweetheart.

I don't fight fair.

I am sentimental.

Look, girls are vicious, okay?

I don't have any of my own memories.

Just like we planned. Three-second silent hug, and then you leave.

Ooh, somebody call CSI, because there was a murder scene in that bathroom.

Someone puked in the sink and I'm pretty sure I saw an actual ringworm climbing up the wall. I'm not afraid of anything, but that bathroom scared the crap out of me.

This is gonna be a year of infinite possibilities.

Hold this. It's too heavy.

You didn't knock!

Look at them. They're the dregs of society.

Each one of these gashes is worse than the next.

She smells like hot dog water, and probably sprained her neck giving blumpkins down at the local bowling alley.

Look, I'm not saying that all heterosexual sex is rape. I'm saying all heterosexual sex is gross, and that deep down, every woman knows this.

All that girl's after is a whole lot of bikini burger.

Hey, girl, can I just ask you, what's up with your outfit?

God knows what they're talking about, basic bitches.

What fresh hell is this?

I need you to stay popular, 'cause if you want to stay at the top of the list of the pieces of ass I'm getting, there's criteria. And the criteria is you got to be popular.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, because I'm getting really pissed off.

Stop fake crying.

Anyone you dated would be popular. I mean, they would be popular because they're dating you.

My ego, it's super strong, ok, but it's not strong enough that I can just go around dating garbage people.

Like, yes, I could find a random girl who wasn't popular, and, yes, if I started dating her she would then become popular.

But you said you loved me.

I do sort of love you.

I would love you a lot more if other people loved you, too.

Okay, I need you to leave because you're bumming me out

We're just trying to have a nice day hitting golf balls at hippies.

Pretty girls, like you and me.

That's why I'm gonna burn your face off.

Ugh! You burned the milk!

Next time, I get you fired, or worse.

Actually, I just want a regular coffee. Those white girl pumpkin spice lattes annoy me.

I like to think of myself, uh, as an investigative reporter.

I had to get a restraining order.

I tend to get a bit passionate about things.

Look, you intentionally led me on.

You kept acting like you liked me just so you could humiliate me.

Enter, ye who dare.

I love a creepy collage.

It's about kicking the living crap out of someone when they disrespect you.

I was just in your room, where I noticed you have a sizeable shrine with evil burning candles, photos of me with my face scratched out and pairs of my stolen panties.

How about I just drown you in it?

Well, of course she's dead! You just burned her face off!

You don't die from getting your face burned off.

There's a dead woman in your kitchen.

I'm going to the authorities.

That's not how I saw it. And my witnesses agree.

You're an awful person.

Who wants cocktails?

How did my life turn into this?

Have you seen the way girls dress on this campus?

I'm sitting in the same office I used to throw bricks into.

You're awful in bed. Are you aware?

I'm gonna take a pair of your panties.

I'm gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here.

Try to figure out who gave you such disgusting mommy issues.

You loaded a dead body into a freezer.

What are you proposing?

I want to help you with your exposé, secretly feed you info.

You need eyes on the inside.

I don't know what to do with the body.

Are you saying dead bodies don't turn you on?

You are so lame, you know that?

God, I love all that death stuff.

Show me the body.

Show me the dead body.

This blood oath will ensure solidarity among us. We are all related now.

I just Googled "blood oath" and this is what came up.

What does this oath even mean?

I just need you all to not say anything about what happened, and I figured a blood oath was cheaper than buying you all presents.

Wait, what about STDs?

Idiot, you don't get STDs from blood oaths.

You get STDs from dirty toilet seats and drinking the water in Mexico.

Um, "STD" stands for "sexually transmitted disease," which means that it's transmitted sexually.

When were you in Mexico?

You know what, forget the blood oath.

I can't stay silent!

I'm calling my mom, and I'm going home.

Okay, Pissy Spacek, you and I have a few differences we need to iron out.

I want you to be one of my minions.

It's the gateway to the top of the heap.

You put on a good front, but you're miserable.

Don't you think any of that has anything to do with the fact that you've created an atmosphere based solely on negativity and raw ambition?

Can we talk for real for a second, please?

I mean, you're so confident without being mean. What antidepressants are you on?

Don't you see that all that's happened isn't a crisis? It's an opportunity.

Yeah, no, I tried. See, I really tried. But all of this flowery, peace-on-Earth crap, it makes me want to puke.

You haven't even seen half of what I'm capable of!

Totally spit in your coffee, bitch.

I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I'm enjoying this.

Is that killer noises or am I hallucinating?

I'm gonna ask one more time, will you speak up?

What can you tell us about the murder?

There's an exodus right now.

The risks are real, but we need to close ranks.

I don't feel comfortable with a man protecting me. It's representative of the patriarchal, post-colonial culture that encourages violence against women.

We buy a pig and feed it the body. Pigs will eat anything.

Don't go skating on those poop lagoons, because if you fall in, you'll drown in the poop and come springtime, there'll be nothing left of your body.

Here's what you should do. Pulverize her teeth, burn off her fingerprints, and disfigure her face. Once her body is unrecognizable, we can create an incision on her inner thigh and drain out all of her bodily fluids. That'll give us more time to deconstruct the body.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot of work. You need a really good food processor, and you run the risk of fouling the plumbing, which is why you should only do it if you know how to clear out meat and bones from a drain pipe.

I'm willing to help in any way possible.

You're obviously a psychopath and those ideas are insane!

Why are you trying to terrify us?

Can I call you Mom?

I feel so loved and protected by all of you.

Actually, it's a new pop culture trend where young women desperately in need of role models call other girls they look up to Mom.

I thought you'd be cool with it.

I mean, I did just give you several ways to dispose of a body.

Okay, fine. Just stop talking.

You are so friggin' creepy!

Someone just mowed off a deaf girl's head in our backyard.

I mean, as you can see, I'm not licensed to carry a sidearm.

Wait, so you don't have a gun?

I have pepper spray. And I have a walkie talkie that I can use to call the police, who do have guns.

What good are you?

Get the hell out of there. Run away, real fast.

Now, I would give you my number, but my cell phone is off right now.

If you want the place clean, maybe you shouldn't have burned the maid's face off.

Don't you wonder what's in there?

People have been whispering about that house for years, that it's haunted, that something really bad happened. I mean, there's no way there isn't some real-life story behind it, right?

I'm gonna have to break in.

I mean, I don't think anyone's gonna get killed in the 30 minutes we make out, right?

Can you stop talking?

You're kind of ruining whatever was good about it.

Please try to understand the situation I'm in.

I don't give a rat's ass about your job.

You know, I find good parenting incredibly attractive.

You're a snoopy little bugger.

Whose bloody clothes are those?

Supposedly, it was a super fun party.

We're all gonna pay for this.

I think it's all crap. Just a myth.

What happened to the baby?

Sometimes I picture myself like Derek Jeter, you know?

I'm gonna choke you out.

There's a serial killer on the loose.

Please don't say you want to choke me.

I'd love having sex with your corpse.

I'm sorry. This isn't working for me.

Well, I sort of am your boyfriend, and I'm protecting you by having sex with you.

No! I don't need a man to protect me.

How could I have wasted this much time?

Is my self-esteem really that low?

I'm sorry. I think we need to take a break.

I need you to leave right now!

You know, it would really help me feel better if I could just crawl into bed with you for a few minutes.

Are you gonna touch my wiener, or you gonna leave my wiener alone?

I'll leave your wiener alone.

Where are your hands?

He has a huge boner!

Why don't you go in there and ogle his big old boner?

Okay, uh, first of all, I'm not gonna go ogle his big old boner, because I'm not gay.

Look, I'm sorry everybody wants to have sex with me. Okay? I can't help that.

I'm hot. Everybody wants to get with this. Women, men, animals in the zoo, plants, probably.

You're gonna have to go right now, 'cause I am breaking up with you.

Excuse me, I broke up with you!

I regretted what I said, and I just wanted to come here and tell you that I am so sorry.

Well, I accept your apology. And now I'm breaking up with you.

Do you know why I'm breaking up with you?

You can't deal with how hot I am.

Sorry, I just broke up with you.

Can you please put some clothes on?

Um, they said, uh, I shouldn't be alone, you know, in case I fall asleep and die.

Can I just get you a robe or something though?

So you're saying I'm the killer?

Okay, this isn't about me thinking you're boyfriend material.

God, I was so gonna go to third base with you tonight, too.

What if we stapled their earlobes?

Private like the parts on a man you like putting in your mouth?

I want to publicly come out as gay on my own.

I mean, you guys have to accept everybody, right?

I actually think that's illegal.

I will come after you, do you understand that? I will destroy you.

I trust you'll consider my offer.

Name one bad thing that ever happened at a Best Buy parking lot.

You're just, like, super attractive.

Um, well, I was trying to be inconspicuous.

It's better than losing your life.

I have a thing for playlists.

Someone's got a poo belly.

Sweet Yeezus, I don't even know where to begin with you.

Bitch, I'm about to smack you so hard, your tampon's gonna pop out.

I heard screaming.

So you think the serial killer is still up there?

Upstairs to get the killer before he gets away!

You just said that you think the killer is up there, and that's where you want to go?

This is freakin' terrifying!

The killer is in the house! You hear me?

I need my damn inhaler.

What, am I supposed to be scared?

Don't even come out. We plan on getting drunk, and I don't want your bad attitude ruining it.

We're headed down to White Stallion to pick up some sluts, baby!

Yes, okay, I burned her slightly, but stop saying that I killed her.

That was a tragic accident.

I am a kind and devoted and loving friend to all.

I'm not some crazed psychopath.

Maybe you're the killer.

I will not be put on trial.

The truth is we don't know who the killer is, and, yes, I suppose it could be someone in this room.

You want to go first?

I banged, like, 50 chicks.

What took you so long?

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay memes #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #scream queens

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