#[[i will support this little fuck because he suffered more than anyone had

[deus-and-the-machina]

ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.

the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,

but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.

It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.

[liveontelevision]

Okay, this started as a rant about Lucifer lore and turned into an argumentative essay on why Lucifer is a bottom. My b.

18+ Smut ahead, lots of angst

•••

Here's the thing about Lucifer. He was an awesome dreamer, fell in love with Lillith, and was banished to Hell. Literally forced to see what the gift of good will can do at its worse. Unless he's made some personal contact with a sinner to get like updates about what the gift of good will did right, he had to be stuck in a depression for centuries, at least until Charlie was born. And while that would've definitely given him a new passion, he'll never feel confident in dreaming again.

With how much he dislikes sinners and what they represent, i wonder if there had to be some strain on their relationship when it came to Lillith taking control? They never really talk about if they had a fallout or if she just disappeared, but i dont think they really got divorced either.

When Lucifer looks at that family picture and winces, does he feel bad about not contacting charlie? About something he did to make lillith leave? Or maybe he feels bad about being upset at lillith for leaving in the first place? There's so much to umpack there i live for the lore.

Love Interests:

But when that comes to potential love interests in the future, Lucifer hasnt had to court anyone before like ever. Not in the circumstances that they live in a big city like Hell. So when he finally ends up catching feelings, he has no idea. People around the hotel literally need to pick up on context clues for him and have an intervention to tell him he's in love again.

Even if he hasnt seen lillith in 7 years, their relationship had to be a drastic change compared to new love. I think that his love interest would also pick it up before he does, and you would let him work at his own pace. Fuck, it is so important that he goes through this process at his own pace.

With so much strain on his past relationships with loved ones, he fully gaslights himself into thinking he doesnt deserves and isnt allowed to feel affection anymore. I hate making characters i love suffer. But i feel like in his state of mind he'd go through depressive episodes and panic attacks, maybe some night terrors. Theyed be about his past and his subconscious would essentially tell him he has feelings again, and he shouldn't act them in case he scares you away and abandons you, like heaven. Or drives you away like lillith. Or purposely blocks you out like charlie. Mans is struggling i swear. He needs some comfort.

After finally coming to terms, hes a nervous wreck about every decision he makes. He'll constantly stare in the mirror in the mornings, making sure he looks his best, would plan mental scripts before even having a conversation with you, and would become a bumbling mess just trying to make jokes out of the situation, some base level actions, like how we saw in the show. He'll manage to finally ask you out, but all he really knows how to do is profess an undying love (i feel like his confession to lillith was hella dramatic) so it was a little awkward, but still cute. And of course you said yes.

So let's say its been 5+ years since he moved into the hotel, met you and finally managed to confess his feelings. When it comes to the actual relationship? You give him reassurance and support him through his mental episodes, and laugh at his jokes and praise him for everything he does. He has such intense imposture syndrome though, that even other demons have to reassure that theres no way you dont love him with all your being. Because it is literally obvious to everyone but him.

He's pretty good at doing the romantic fluff stuff in public, he loves to make a big show out of treating you like royalty and even trying to embarrass you when you become close enough. He's always more charasmatic in public, it seems easier than doing that alone.

Not in a negative way, but Lucifer is so never to be alone with you. You take the lead a bit more in those scenarios, suggesting ideas like movies or just coming up with small talk yourself. He needs someone who'll be patient with him. Being alive for millions of years AND being left or shamed by all your loved ones during that time is literally the definition of Truama.

Of course he's been bottling all that shit up, he has no one to confide with. There's no one who's been alive and witnessed it all the way he has. So bless you for loving and caring for him even without understanding all hes been through.

You'll have some rough patches, where this emotional side locks him away from you and everyone else. It might be a few days before you see him. He'll lock himself in his office, pumping out ducks by the dozen just to keep himself from sleeping, because he's scared he'll have night terrors if he feels asleep. He's in a constant loop;

"what if i fucked up?"

"what if i try to talk about it and then they realize how bad i fucked up?"

"what if that's enough of a reason for them to leave me?"

"what if i scare them away?"

"what if that fucks this up?"

"what if i fucked up.. Again..?"

After he leaves his office, youre excited to see him out and about, but you cant make a big deal out of it. You have to speak to him calmly, make sure he's physically okay before talking to him about his thought process. It might take awhile, but he'll eventually trust you enough to open up. And of course it'll never be bad enough for you to leave him, he's just struggling.

Physical Contact:

It takes him an even longer time to become physical with you. He hasnt been intimate for over a decade at this point, but as soon as he becomes comfortable with little affections like hand holding, cuddling, wrapping his arms around your waist, and kissing? Hoo boy, he melts after your first kiss. It couldve been even a small peck and he would still become a nervous wreck just trying to ask for more.

He'll ask for physical touch more than provide it at first. You'll give him a quick kiss and he'll look up at you super eager just like, "another?" He'll grow into tastful pda's, linking arms, quick hugs and smooches, holding hands all that.

He becomes putty in your hand when you're alone though. You'll nudge him to lean against your shoulder or even lay his head in your lap while youre lounging or watching movies. He becomes so relaxed in your presence, that you'll want to suddenly peck him just to see his suddenly flustered reaction.

You'd give him massages that he would always be hesistant over. He was always a little nervous that he wasnt giving enough to you, but you were quick to assure him that wasnt the case. You'd straddle his hips while giving him a slowww massage. It starts with light touches, tracing your fingers over his shoulder blades and spine. You'd trace your fingers over his chest when you would cuddle too, depending on the position. Or stroke his back sweetly. It was enough of a distraction to keep his mind occupied, away from any spiraling thoughts he might be having.

He purrs. Convince me that he doesnt purr. (You cant)

Being secluded for so long probably means that he doesnt fly as much as he used to. It was probably a passion of his, and he was especially delighted to share it with lillith and charlie.

So during those 7 years he barely flew, he also didnt take care of his wings. I feel like theyre something to be summoned, so they arent constantly tucked into his back. You'd basically scold him sometimes to just let you clean his wings.

You'd do it in like a spring-type bathhouse that Lucifer would have in his castle somehow. It was one of the first intimate moments he's experienced in years, so he was generally going insane. Feeling your hands and a little comb rake through the feathers on his giant wings? You'd have to tap his shoulder sometimes to keep him from falling asleep to the relaxation alone. After the first time, the water you used was pretty dirty and he had a lot of loose feathets that were combed out. Damn, he needed this.

Intimacy:

After awhile, you sit down and would have a discussion about being intimate in bed. Lucifer would be absolutely nervous about overstepping by asking this, (even though you've been together for about a year at this point). He would use his mental scripts and basically practice what he wanted to say.

It would mainly be him saying he wants to do this because he loves you and youve done so much for him that he wants to give back to you in this way. It would consist of him saying its okay if you dont want to, or if you ever want to stop to just say so. But of course you want to, how could you not?

It would start slow, he actually tries taking the lead in this specific situation. He would kiss you first, his lips trembling at the thought that this is actually happening. Feeling his nerves, you'd cup his face and stroke his cheeks with your thumbs lightly. That will help him ease up enough to start letting the passion take over more.

He'd become more confident in slipping his tongue into your mouth and placing his hands on your hips to pull you closer to him. Lucifer would get lost in the moment, pulling you to straddle his lap as he kissed and licked and bit his way across both your shoulders and down to the softeness of your breast. After leaning back to look at the damage his eyes would become increasingly wide, looking up at you with a flustered expression. Seeing you losing it as much as he was, gave him enough courage to keep up at it.

He would almost hesistantly take a hold of your breasts and would massage them softly, running his thumbs across your nipples and becoming absolutely delighted at the reaction you gave. The adrenaline from the pleasure would make you start grinding against his lap, which would make lucifer's hands on your hips pull away for a moment and make his breath stutter. Lucifer would look you up and down as if he didnt know what to do next, studying your body with darting eyes. You'd press a small kiss on his forehead before guiding his hands back onto your hips with yours, keeping your eyes on him the entire time.

"Are you okay, Luci?" He would gulp before nodding his head and turning ridiculously red across his face, maybe from the idea of what was to come, maybe just from your voice alone. You'd keep your hands ontop of his at your hips as you'd keep moving, letting out breathy moans. He would be holding his breath without realizing, an absolute nervous wreck just from the view.

He would already be hard just from the previous make out session, so this would cause him to lean his back against the bed, his strength giving out. You'd keep up at it, feeling his hips jolt up to meet yours at times.

He was a sweaty, twitching mess in front of you and you hated to admit how much that excited you.

His scripted plan was immediately forgotten, but he was quick to remember that he wanted to please you.

He'd snap out of his state of intense pleasure, to carefully switch positions, him looking over you with your back against the bed.

You both discuss it, of course, attempting to set boundaries before hand. Even just the tender discussion would get him riled up. So he'd lean foward and kiss you again, showing off his forked tongue before peppering kisses down your entire body, until he was close enough to let his hot breath heat up your folds.

You'd feel his nervous breath on you before delving in. He would be hesistant of course, but would be quick to get used to your entrance after running his tongue across your entirety multiple times. Lucifer loves providing pleasure this way, so his brain immediately knew what to do once the nerves past. He was quick to take a tight hold onto your thighs to keep you in place as he entered you with his demonic lengthy tongue. He would look up at you as he sort of aimlessly dug around at first, waiting for a reaction. Once he'd see you dip your head back with a muffled moan, he would close his eyes to focus all his attention to that one spot. He'd reach his thumb around to circle and massage your clit that he would find far too quickly. You'd arch your back and try to get more friction against his tongue, but it's easy to forget that he is quite literally the strongest being in Hell. You weren't going anywhere.

He'd love feeling your hands in his hair and would absolutely lose it feeling you pull hard when he'd hit just the right spot. As soon as he set a steady thythm and was hearing your voice become more unhinged, he'd speed up to an extent that you didn't realize was possible after going for so long. You discussed cumming before and he made it very clear that he was okay with you finishing on his face. Fuck, he wanted it. You still warned him, moaning out his name to get his attention, "I-I'm almost there- K-Keep doing that.. like that..! Luci-" you'd almost direct him though the whole process, but were quick to become a moaning mess unable to communicate with words. You'd reach your limit and he would let you buck up into his face this time, loosening his grip on your thighs. He'd pull away after licking you clean, sending overstimulated pleasure across your entire body, with a line of your juices following his tongue as he lifted his head. He would pant with his tongue still sticking out of his mouth, and even through hazy eyes you loved seeing his demonic tongue and thinking about how it just drove you to climax.

Things would switch up again, and you'd sit him against the back of the bedframe. you'd have another quick discussion before seating yourself slowly on his length, which had been throbbing for any contact since the night started. The first few times, he'd do his best not to cum immediately. He hadn't been touched like this in a while, after all. You'd only begin to move once you made sure he was okay since his struggle was written all over his face.

The moment you began to keep a steady space, he would jut his hips upwards, becoming needy to feel this sensation he hadn't felt in over a decade. The first time didn't last long. It was sweet, and he would constantly moan out your name and babble on about how much he loves you. The entire time, you'd be praising him through every move until he was going too fast for you to get a sentence out.

He'd cum inside of you, another previously discussed topic. You essentially had to beg to convince him it was okay. You'd collapse onto his chest, a position he didnt see often. While the two of you always cuddled, you were so focused on making sure he was comfortable, Lucifer realized you didnt often get the chance to just relax on top of him. So after realizing that? Aftercare was amazing.

He'd let you sit with him inside you for a while, before pulling you off and immediately cleaning you up. Some nights, when he felt especially dominant, he would lap up his own cum from your incredibly sensitive cunt. He would swallow some of it, but was mainly pushing anything that dripped out back into your entrance.

After cleaning you up, he would wiggle his way back underneath you and pull you onto his chest, enjoying taking care of you the way you took care of him.

After the first night, lucifer would be much more confident. He'd have that healthy glow, but would be more assertive during meetings, more communicative and wouldnt shut others out as often. It really helped him realize how much you gave to him, and he was determined to give all that and more back to you.

[whats-amata-you]

Alright y’all hear me out, but I kinda like this interpretation of the Kaiba brothers where they have to deal with the consequences of a very codependent sibling relationship. Not like in the “something happens to Mokuba and Seto has a crisis” kind way, but in the “Mokuba doesn’t know who the hell he is outside the context of being Seto’s little brother” kind of way.

Literally everything Seto ever did from the day Mokuba was born was toward the singular goal of Mokuba’s wellbeing. He sacrificed everything to give Mokuba better opportunities, a more stable home life, a better chance at happiness than Seto ever really had for himself. Seto even gave up huge swaths of who he himself was to work toward that goal. It was all for Mokuba.

But Mokuba was right there with him, the whole time, watching his brother suffer and doing everything in his power to protect him. Mokuba’s whole identity revolves just as much around Seto as Seto’s does around Mokuba.

And that’s fucked up all well and good when Seto’s a teenager and Mokuba hasn’t even hit puberty and only one of them is really taking on any serious adult responsibility. But imagine what that must be like when Mokuba grows up.

Imagine being 20 and as long as you can remember you’ve been worrying about keeping your older brother alive. Maybe he’s in late twenties or early thirties now, and life has finally forced him to either do the work of healing and moving on or else spiraling into self-destruction to the point that not even you can save him anymore. Maybe he’s married off and happy in his own life, or maybe he’s dead or missing and left you behind as his only heir to the family fortune.

And you’re just as completely, utterly lost either way because either way, he doesn’t need you the same way anymore. And on top of that, you realize you don’t really need him the same way anymore.

His routines aren’t yours anymore. His moods don’t set the tone for your whole day anymore. You don’t plan your life around him and his needs anymore.

So. What do you do when you’re suddenly cut loose and left adrift?

I imagine Mokuba floating through life a lot for his twenties, maybe into his thirties. He’s got no sense of direction or purpose without Seto being the center of it all. He realizes he doesn’t have to become a businessman like Seto and help run Kaiba Corporation, but doesn’t know what the hell else he might even want to do. Doesn’t even have a clue. He goes into business anyway because he knows he has to do something, but he doesn’t really enjoy it and it wears on him. He’s popular with women but can’t make a relationship last more than a few weeks; they keep fizzling out because he just doesn’t seem to have any ambition.

It’s super easy for Mokuba to see and acknowledge how Seto was always sort of his dad when they were kids, as well as his brother. Seto actively took up the role and wasn’t shy about saying so outright. But I don’t think either of them realizes quite as easily just how much Mokuba was parentified too, even from a very young age. Seto made Mokuba’s physical health and overall wellbeing his business on purpose, but Mokuba accidentally stumbled into providing a level of emotional support to Seto that no child should ever be responsible for. That kind of relationship would fuck anyone up.

I feel like an interpretation of them Kaiba brothers that had a Mokuba who ended up being rather directionless and having issues with his sense of who the hell he is after Seto’s inevitable Character Development one way or the other is worth exploring. People change over time, and if a fic is set a decade or more post-canon…idk, I just feel like Mokuba’s trauma deserves some serious exploration, too.

[fatum679]

The screenwriters are completely unprofessional and mediocrity.

hotd s2x02

The second episode was a complete disappointment for me.

My poor Helaena, no one comforts her, no one is around, Aegon walked past ignoring her. The mother talks about the debt while violating the debt.

We were not shown the Dreamfyre and how the body of Prince Jaehaerys is burned. More screen time was spent on Rhaenyra's suffering. Of course, why would showrunners show the suffering of other characters if they are not Rhaenyra.

And stop comparing Jaehaerys to Luke. Luke was 14, Rob Stark fought a war at 14, Luke was a dragon rider, he had a conflict with Aemond since childhood, he participated in his uncle's bullying, he and other children attacked him, he cut out Aemond's eye and did not bring apologies. This injury dooms him to lifelong suffering and health problems (do not forget that Aemond’s eye was pulled out without normal painkillers. Such wounds lead to infection, necrosis, fever, and the fact that Aemond did not die is very lucky) Jaehaerys did not bully anyone, he didn't cut out anyone's eyes, he was an innocent baby.

Helaena as a character is incredibly interesting and I'm disappointed that we weren't shown her normal relationship with the people, how she takes part in the small council or communicates with her dragon. I'm afraid that she will remain a background character. I'm disappointed that no one came to console her. And I didn't like the way Helaena spoke about ordinary people, because we know from the book they loved her. But I understand that she does not want to show her grief.

How the constant emphasis on Rhaenyra irritates me. We see Helaena and are then shown Rhaenyra and her children. We understood that she is a Mary Sue and the main character, but we can do without these cheap parallels and comparisons. This woman wanted to torture her little brother after her son cut out Aemond's eye. She didn't love her siblings, she ignored them, she is not a good big sister. Rhaenyra literally created the cause and created the effect. But they propagandize us that she is a “kind-hearted person”.

Daemon was shown as he really is and was in the books, finally. That he doesn't care about anyone except himself and his ego.

Aegon ignores Helaena. I am once again convinced that they have nothing in common, he was not even interested in how Jaehaera was feeling. Aegon acted like a fool by killing all the ratcatchers. But an even bigger mistake was putting them on display. Aegon remains a fool and makes mistakes.

Otto Hightower is the only one who really deserves to have a crown. He is ambitious and has no real love for his family, but he is a man of politics, he knows what is best for the kingdom. I support him as a ruler. Now I wonder what Viserys said about Aegon.

Criston Cole disappointed me. You talk about a white cloak even though you yourself are not faithful to your oaths. The writers keep making all the green party characters so repulsive. However, Criston just annoys me.

Alicent continues to care more about Rhaener than her children. She doesn't want to hold a public funeral for Jaehaerys, not because she cares about Helaena's feelings, but because she cares about Rhaenyra's reputation.

Alicent and Criston are a big disappointment. Alicent doesn't think about her children. Aemond is ready to pay the whore and talk about his mental traumas. Alicent does not reassure Helaena, Aemond, or Aegon. Alicent is a bad mother. She ignores everything. I don't like Aegon, but Alicent should have consoled him instead of walking past him. What is wrong with you? Where is your dead grandson's lit candle?

Fuck what the writers did to Aemond. I understand that childhood trauma and bullying leave consequences for the rest of your life. But Aemond, get your shit together. I consider this a retcon. Aemond from the first season would not go to a brothel, would not cry to a whore and would not pay for consolation. This doesn't look like him. Aemond from Season 1 would have gone to Vhagar and told her everything. I just watched this scene on 2x. The scene was disgusting to me. What is their age difference? 30 years? I hate alysmond and I hate Aemond x Madame. Madame seems to be manipulating Aemond. Thank fuck there was no milk sucking.

Jaehaerys was kill. Aemond, how much can you cry about Luke's death. Take responsibility for your actions, accept the fact that there were reasons for revenge and you did it because you wanted to take revenge for all the pain and suffering. It infuriates me. Why don't you talk about the death of Jaehaerys?

Corlys and Rhaenys talk about Daemon after sex. You guys don't have anything else to talk about. Maybe you could invite him into your bed? Cringe.

Laenor was dead - no one doubted it.

Mysaria was made not guilty of anything - obviously. Female characters on the black side can't be bad.

There is no drama in the twins' battle. I thought Ser Arric would be shocked by the prince's death and, like a twin, would be saddened by Jaehaera's condition and volunteer for the mission himself. But again we have evil greenies and he had no choice.

Daeron is exists.

BDSM games from Alicent and Criston.

The screenwriters are completely unprofessional and mediocrity.

🤮🤡

[rynnthefangirl]

I rarely wanted to slap a character more than when Sansa Stark disrespected her Uncle Edmure in the GOT finale. It’s so incredibly emblematic of the problem with Sansa in the last two seasons of Game of Thrones: she makes objectively poor political choices, but it’s framed as smart and good because she sounds confident and badass about it, and the show protects her from facing any consequences.

In this scene, Sansa’s goal is establishing an independent North. For her to achieve that goal with the least amount of difficulty, she needs the acquiescence of whoever is chosen as King. Edmure proposes himself. He is Sansa’s own uncle, a non-greedy, non-conniving man, with a decent sense of honor and (most importantly) a history as an active supporter of Northern Independence. If Edmure becomes King, Sansa should have a pretty easy time becoming Queen in the North. This is a choice that benefits her political goals

And how does she act? She basically tells him to shut the fuck up. Now, is Edmure the best candidate? No. He is a bit of a fool and has made mistakes. But he is a decent man. He is also a long time prisoner of war who suffered immensely as a result of him covering for Sansa’s brother’s political blunder. He fought, bled, and suffered for Sansa’s family and deserves basic respect. But Sansa has no respect. She just insults him, even though not only was it unnecessary, but it is also against her own interests. She shuts downs a candidate who will give her exactly what she wants, presumably because she is so filled with smug superiority that she just can’t help but diminish people that she sees as beneath her.

She can probably get away with it to Edmure, who is family and not the type to hold a grudge like that. But when she does that to some other lord with no reason to support her? It’s going to make an enemy rather than make an ally. And that’s what Sansa’s entire approach to politics in season 7-8 is: making enemies rather than allies.

It reminds me a little bit of Aegon III shutting down and dismissing Torrhen Manderly. But the key difference is the histories acknowledge Aegon’s coldness towards his subjects as the major flaw of his character, the thing that held back his rule from being as well regarded and successful as it could have been. But with Sansa, there is no criticism. It’s framed as just her being a cool badass. It doesn’t matter that she rudely and stupidly shut down a candidate that aligns with her goals, because guess what? Tyrion happens to nominate her brother for king, who will also give her whatever she wants. Sansa had no way of knowing that Bran would be king, she certainly didn’t suggest him.

It’s understandable for Sansa’s trauma to manifest as coldness, suspicion, and unnecessarily antagonistic behavior. But we see with Aegon III that when those traits go too far, it becomes a hinderance rather than a strength. But precious Sansa is spared from such consequences. She can treat anyone as rude as she wants, and it’s fine. It’s just her being smart and shrewd and playing the game. Because playing the game at the expense of honor and compassion and fighting the true threat of the white walkers is bad… unless it’s Sansa doing it.

[the-sinful-voice-witch]

I love JAYSTEPH, hear me out! 🙌:

The Robin who died by the fans and the Robin that resurrected by the fans... Is so poetic yet some people is against it, but I just fell in love with them and I want to support this ship after I was finally able to let go Timsteph and I know theres people who will be Timsteph forever and others that strongly dislike Jaysteph but I think there's more people that are just simply unconvinced so I have nothing to lose if I play business woman and try to sell this potential romance to them, it deserves a chance! Let's see the arguments against it that didn't convince me first:

Steph becoming Barbara 2.0... (what a bat-list she had: Dick, Jason, Tim in a video game and fucking Batman 💀 got her pregnant once, but I didn't disliked it when she was briefly with Luke fox) But the only options for Steph that are bat family members aside Tim are Cassandra and Jason because... Dick, Damian, Duke, Luke, Kate, Barbara 😂? Eh NOPE. And even if Barbara and Jason had a thing once it was doomed from the beginning, Babs and Jay only had in common being Joker victims and Babs follows 100% Batman's ideals (while Steph mindset allows her to understand better Jason's point). Also I think Jason idealized her, it felt like they weren't on the same "level"(Timsteph has the same problem, Steph used to kinda idealize Tim too),but with JaySteph feels different, I think they would see each other as equals, the vibes I get are that they could relate to each other better. Not to mention that if they start a relationship now it won't be the same as another Robin-Batgirl attempt, remember that when it was with Babs it was described as a long term crush he had on her (like Dick) while with Steph not only she was also a Robin (that went through a similar struggle as him), first she was Spoiler, her own independent vigilante persona (with a background Jason could totally relate with) that was 100% unrelated to Batman before she even became a Batgirl (a heroine that was independent from Batman but was inspired on him unlike The Spoiler) and currently she uses both Spoiler and Batgirl titles, in anycase this would be another Robin-Batgirl situation if it was with Damian, because Steph was Damian's Batgirl (they even reminded Dick his olds days with Babs) but he was 10 and she was 18 so obviously NOPE. The relationship would start NOW as their current selves by realizing mutually how much they understand each other better than anyone, they aren't joined by the Joker they would be drawn because of their personalities and the struggles they had with their own families and the rejection they suffered from the BAT-family (at different times but the struggle is the same). This is something neither Tim or Babs can fully understand.

They're like "siblings". Ha! NOPE. Strongly disagree. They aren't related biologically or legally and Steph isn't even in Bruce care like Duke, she is basically... " Your kid's best friend who eats your fridge food" and with the issue about her dating Tim's brother, some people who pulls the sibling card are completely fine with Steph being with Cassandra... So dating Tim's brother is not ok but is ok to date his sister? 🤨 And bringing back the first argument the only ones I see as Steph's 100% sibling figures are: Barbara who is the big sister figure and acts like one and Damian who is indisputably his annoying little brother but why is Jason seen as her brother? Because of the banter? That doesn't immediately make you a sibling, you know friends to lovers and rivals to lovers and enemies to lovers also have banter right?

Their respective most popular ships in the past: for Tim I already made a post about it and Artemis... I totally understand Jason 🥵😍, between her and Ravager I prefer her because Rose seems to be more like a very good friend with very sexy benefits but with Artemis there's more emotional connection... But my issue with her is the immortality factor (i mean the fact that she won't die of old age, she being hundreds of years old I don't care) and that Artemis deep down has too much "independent" Vibes, I mean that I don't see her wanting the long term relationship, she can't have it anyway because of her immortality. And there was the problem that it was perceived as another Amazon-bat attempt in a "trinity"(with bizarro) and as much as some people liked wonderbat (not me, it was a bit awkward) in the end it doesn't work well (look at Damian and WonderGirl Cassie in DCeased).

Some sort of fantasy about an "age gap", this one is ridiculous. Some people believe that Jason is super old for Stephanie... Well in that case Stephanie was way super old for Tim too 🙄, I'll just get to the point: Jason died at 15 and only lasted dead 6 months, Tim became Robin at 13 and Stephanie is one year older than Tim, they met when he was 14 and she was 15 so... Do the math, is being one year older than her TOO OLD??🤡 one year and half maybe? If we count the 6 month dead. I mean I know he sometimes looks older because of the way they draw him, like a huge muscle chunk and sometimes he has a beard (ajj I hate beards). And yes, I know they changed their ages currently but at much he is only TWO years older than her and she is over 18 or 19 so... Like I said the age gap argument is a fairy tale.

"They never or barely interacted before", just what kind of argument is this?🤡Do you want Steph to only be attached forever to the Batgirls and Tim or just be alone? Jason has been more allowed than her to interact with other people, how unfair but the point is... they'll have to start someday don't they!? Or just because they barely interacted in the past it means they can't interact more in the future? Is really that unbelievable that they could start hanging out more often and bonding? Is that weird? Have you never suddenly talked with someone you know but you barely interacted before and realized you had more in common with them than you thought? That's something extremely normal to happen! I don't see how it would be out of place with Jason and Steph 🤷‍♀️.

Now let's see how this ship started and it's potential:

The ship existed before they actually met, people already shipped the possibility: the two failed dead Robins and (yes I'm counting Steph as dead because her dead was meant to be permanent), but they never met before the new 52 reboot and when it actually happened... It was a classic not very relevant banter, the second time he was impressed with her with how she dealt with the Scarecrow and after that there was barely interaction... But then we got these exactly interactions that made me ship them very hard, passionately and strongly in Task Force Z:

ok, I'm an anime consumer, this kind of tiny details affect me very seriously, when you are used to see relationships in comics where the couple simply jump to sexy time right away and suck face hard and fall in love or feel attracted instantly we forget about the little things that makes us blush with yearning... you know, the moment something changes in how you see someone even if you still didn't noticed it and you just feel funny and don't know why. In this comic panels the relationship is not romantic and hasn't even begin being romantic, they aren't in love or are feeling attraction yet and that still remains to be seen but what is happening here is a change, is a start! Is the beginning and they way he reacts to her really get me fangirl squealing LOOK AT HIS FACE!!! Specially when she touches his wounded cheek... You can't convince me that this guy isn't touch starved and not so used to receive affectionate touching 😭, suddenly after a big beating he received Kindness from someone unexpected but that we all know... relates to him better than anyone in the bat-family but the best part is that she isn't there to just pamper him a little she just decided to have a nicer approach to him, she gave him coffee, she treated his face wound and she gave him a talk of tough love, she doesn't take his side 100% but she let's him know she is still a friend and then the last pages of the issue:

She was the only one who wanted to say goodbye because once again she understands him and because of that she is more tolerant and forgiving towards his actions than the others while still not being dumb and knowing he still is up to trouble and again... The little touches always get me, the way she caresses his hand with the plane ticket gets me screaming more than their hug 😭😭😭 ah this is also their first hug! And I'm kinda pissed because the height is WRONG! Jason is taller than her! It shouldn't look like she is hugging Tim😒.

All right now my official points about why I love this potential relationship:

This is very important, this needs to be a SLOW BURN, I know jaystephers, I know you want kisses and hot moments but NOPE, that can't happen anytime soon, first we need a lot of little details and little touches, emotional conversations that don't end in kissing but in hugging, a lot of little meaningful looks and gestures, we need the rest of the fans that are not convinced, to get used to see them together interacting but not specifically obviously romantically, it has to be wholesome but we can't jump and shove the ship down people's throats, that's a turn off. Keep in mind that usually DC writers write love like a switch on and off, look at what they did with Nightwing! Just how many true loves has he had? A lot of bullcrap text about how much he is in love and obsessed with every new girl and not to mention Tim (let's hope he sticks to his NPC cardboard walking bisexuality proof boyfriend and stops fooling around with Steph, our girl deserves better). A new love that has hit hard has to be believable, the potential with their personalities gives for a lot to work with: Jason is a tough bad moody broody boy who is actually very emotional and sensitive and so affection starved he fell into Damian trap when he hugged him, Jason just melted into the hug (before he got hit with a taser, Damian you little shit...) and thats where Stephanie comes, Steph is someone completely open, eager, sweet, foward and unapologetic with her affections and here Mister pride and prejudice lover Jason has a romantic side. Jaystephers I'm serious, this can't be rushed, absolutely not and I'm being insistent because I came from reading an insane amount of jaysteph fanfics that almost all of them end up being porn with plot, I mean really good plot and also very skilled written porn... but still! "BONK" 🔨 go to horny jail! That can't happen in the comics 😂😂. With a slow burn unconvinced people will have enough time to process just how good is this ship. Simply it has to become a Romantic friendship before a potential romance and then an actual romance.

They have come a long way on their personalities, currently they aren't the same as they were before so if they started now it wouldn't be like the chaotic kind of toxic mess that it was Timsteph, because at that time they were insecure and irrational teenagers, honestly the writers messed them up a lot and I guess there's still a risk a new writer will fuck them up too but I'd like to think that if some writer goes for it they really have to like this ship and will try not to make it a complete toxic or cringy or a messed up disaster, if a writer chooses to do it I want to think is because they saw how much in common they have, how much their personalities are compatible, how good they would work together and how much they can relate to each other. What I mean is that there is a background where they can start even though they were never that close before and is all starting now, there is a lot of material to work! They don't have to make up things they only have to let it flow naturally, just put them together in a room and let them interact. I mean, right now he is a grumpy bad boy and Steph is a perky ballbuster, let's see how that goes.

The potential Romanticism of this couple is something really underrated, the two failures as Robins that walked on the same path, they own to have yet the "talk" About their respectives deaths and the subject about how Steph failed as a Robin because of being a reminder of Jason, they should talk about had him not died he would have been the one meeting her instead of Tim and wonder how things would have been then... They should team up more often and strengthen their bond, the need to build a romantic friendship, a dynamic that could drive us crazy and by the time they start flirting is going to be the BEST!! Just remember how Steph flirts shamelessly on duty 🤭🤭 but with Tim it was a bit boring, he always turns her down because he is such a good serious soldier 😑 and gets mad but with Jason? Unless he is specifically grumpy about something he would totally flirt back and totally flirt in front of villains while fighting until the villains can't take it anymore and just ask to be knocked out 😂😂😂 and also the chance to piss off Tim is just too good, I need to see it 😂😂😂. I mean, one I love about most Jaysteph fanfics is that Tim is always fucking pissed and grossed out about Jason dating Steph but normally is never about jealousy he is just overprotective (but casually they also add a jealous Damian who can't help but criticize Steph's taste in men 😂😂, I think is canon that he had a bit of a platonic crush on her when they met).

They have a lot of similarities but they aren't exactly the same, the things they have in common actually was used as an argument against it saying that just like with Babs he only had in common being a joker's victim, people thinks "dying" Is the only thing he has in common with Steph and they are very wrong: They both are members of Gotham's lowest class, both had drug addict mothers and criminal fathers, also Jason's real mom betrayed him and sold him out to the Joker and Stephanie's dad orchestrated a kidnapping of her and in the new 52 he kidnapped her and her killed her (even if he didn't meant to) and had to get revived by Lazarus pit goo, the way they died was also caused by the same stubborn need of proving themselves to Batman, doing something extremely reckless, also I have to point out that Steph has been compared to Dick, Barbara, Tim and Jason but it was her similarities with Jason what doomed her before DC decided to revive her, the writers did a messed up job with the principal reasons Batman rejected her so adamantly at some point but the principal one was that she reminded him of Jason and ironically he trying to prevent her from getting the same fate was what drove her to act and ending up like Jason and they both were officially the first black sheeps of the bat-family. But even with all that their personalities are both opposites and complimentary, I mean that despite having a similar trauma, when Steph came "back from the death" (The first "death") she became more positive and hopeful than before, she used to be more cynical and angry and unlike Jason whose resurrection was just as traumatic as his death and was not in his right mind, Steph returned to Gotham to once again try to belong and be a proper vigilante, she wanted to keep trying and do the right thing and fight to be accepted unlike Jason who at first he only wanted revenge. Steph can understand where he is coming from and be more indulgent to him than the rest of the family but at the same time she would stop him from going too far, she has the bravery to fight off trauma like the fear toxin and the will to never give up, so I see how she would never give up on Jason.

And don't you dare give me crap about this ship being absurd or something because this is not even the most out of the blue couple DC has ever done! I already mentioned Tim and Barbara🤬, Batman and Barbara💀 but also Raven and Damian 😒, Damian and wonder girl Cassie 😐Batman and wonder woman😒, Superman and wonder woman😐, green lantern Jonh and hawkegirl🥰, Superboy and miss martian😍, Lego Batman and Lego Barbara🤪, Martian Manhunter and Rose Wilson😶, beast boy and Rose Wilson🤯 (married and with a daughter), Jason and fucking Taliah (damians mother) had sex with him 💀(I hope he had at least 18) Dick and Helena Wayne 💀, Dick and Zatanna😑, Batman and Zatanna🙄, Jason and Starfire🙅‍♀️ and recently Jimmy Olsen and Supergirl 🤔 so.... Really? Jaysteph is so out of the blue and weird that should never happen? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 I'm not even asking to make it happen in the main canon! Most of these ships didn't happen in the main canon, who cares about the main canon? THE MAIN CANON KILLED ALFRED (you committed a blaspheme DC) and also the main canon destroyed Jon Kent childhood by aging him up 🤬🤬, this is why the main canon is not important anymore, this is why alternative universe and independent comics are more popular, like Supersons, Family Wayne adventures or the teen Titans series drawn by Piccolo... So is asking for too much to have Jaysteph somewhere? An animated show? An alternative universe comic? A fucking webtoon?? There's not a good convincing reason to not give a chance to these couple! Let them have a chance!! 😣😣😣😭😭🙏🙏🙏

[eve-was-framed]

okay this is gonna be a bit of a long rant (with some SA and CSA mentions so pls don’t read if that will be too much for you rn) but I’ve been thinking a lot about the “male loneliness epidemic” lately and I have some Thoughts ™

we live in very isolating, depressing and scary times. we live in a hyper-individualistic capitalist hellscape that seems to punish people who need community support. and I truly believe that we as humans should try to help each other out in the ways that we are able to.

but I lose 100% of my empathy for lonely depressed men when they start using their own personal issues as an excuse to peddle ideologies that advocate for rape, pedophilia, child marriage, sexual slavery, and even murder of women and girls. I don’t fucking care how sad you are, if you advocate for other humans beings to be subjected to the cruelest treatment possible then you either need to get serious help or die (and not take anyone with you when you do).

you do not have a fucking paramount on suffering. you are not the only ones who experience loneliness. I know you think women get to just pick and choose whichever romantic partner/friends we want, but that is false, and also being seen as nothing but a sex object by men is so incredibly isolating too. that’s not real love and connection, that’s only being valued for what we can provide for men. so many people feel so alone and it genuinely is a big problem.

I was raised in an extremely misogynistic cult that preaches that grown men are not responsible for anything they do to little girls bc “they’re wired that way.” I had very bad things happen to me before I was even old enough to realize what it meant. and you know what the excuse always is? “well it happened to him when he was younger too so he can’t help that he does it to you.” I learned very early that male suffering is viewed as more important than the suffering they inflict on innocent people. and despite going through this, despite seeing nearly every woman in my life go through something similar, despite all of this, I still would never ever sympathize with any ideology that preaches rape, slavery, sex trafficking, pedophilia, white supremacy, etc. and that doesn’t make me some super hero, it makes me a mildly normal person.

so no, nobody “pushed” you into your evil ideologies, nobody made you do that. if true suffering at the hands of the opposite sex is really the root cause of inceldom then almost every single woman I know would be the most insane incel you’d ever meet in your entire life. but they’re not, even though many of them are lonely and long for true companionship, none of them feel so angry and entitled to it that they want to murder and rape men or little boys. not a single one. the root cause of inceldom is, and always has been, male entitlement. men who were raised to believe the world and every woman in it exists to serve them in some way, but then grew up and realized that actually nobody is owed sex and you don’t get to force women to marry you and have kids, because we are human beings who deserve to be happy too. and this makes them so mad that they start thinking it’s okay to do whatever they want to whoever they want, because after all, nobody on planet earth could ever suffer as much as incels do when a woman tells them no.

I’m fucking sick of it. stop saying “they pushed me to this” and start taking even an ounce of accountability for your deranged, entitled mindset.

[internetgiraffekid1673]

It says in your little thing that your Mormon, are you still Mormon cuz respectfully I've heard a lot of shit about Mormons and how they are very transphobic and homophobic! So not trying to be rude just genuinely wondering if I read that wrong or something.

Hey! Yeah, I am a mormon, but I love all my queer siblings, including/especially my trans people. But it's a complicated religion and I have a complicated relationship with it, so I understand the confusion.

The short answer is that I was raised mormon, continue to find a lot of comfort and truth in SOME of their teachings, and I am perpetually very pissed with a lot of their other teachings, cuz yeah, a lot of them are Not Good. So I'm mormon and mad about it. It's kind of like. . .imagine if you were raised Catholic and only really have good memories of your Catholic community and find a lot of comfort in teachings about God's love, but you absolutely despise the administration of the Catholic church and like, everything they say about queer people. It's like that.

The long answer is this:

A) The mormons get a bad rap on the internet for stuff that isn't actually true. If you ever have a specific question, I am happy to answer to the best of my abilities.

B) Having said that, a lot of the teachings of the mormon church regarding queer people are really really bad and I do not support or encourage this even slightly. I myself am queer, and I have to put up with hearing all kinds of queerphobic shit from the church all the time. And I hate it and I speak against it whenever it is safe for me to do so. It just. All of it goes soooo against the other teachings of the church. I am not the only queer member. There is an entire community of us on tumblr over here. We all work and suffer through it together.

C) I still believe in the stuff that's at the fundamentals of the gospel though. Namely, God exists and he loves all of us unconditionally. He sent us to Earth so that we could learn and grow and become happier through our experiences here. Free agency/the ability to make independent choices is very VERY important to him. He sent Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins so that when we do fuck it up, we don't have to live with that guilt forever. Jesus also suffered for our pain and sorrow so that we didn't have to and can bring us healing. We're supposed to love our neighbors with our whole hearts.

I also believe that Joseph Smith did translate the Book of Mormon, although he was still a human being who made mistakes and I don't believe in a LOT of the stuff he said and did. I doubt you've read the Book of Mormon, but it's really just The Bible Extended Edition. There's a reason it's full name is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It covers what the hell was going on in the Americas during the biblical times.

I also believe that God has chosen prophets for our modern day to continue giving us revelation. I also believe those prophets are mostly crusty old men with outdated personal opinions that they mistake for revelation, that they fuck it up a lot, and I wish a lot of them would hurry up and die so I no longer have to listen to their bullshit.

D) Religion and faith are personal. I'm not here to convert anyone, especially other queer people. I continue practicing my religion because I have had literal years and some really amazing people to help me sort out what is good and bad and to figure out what parts of it are best for me as a person. I understand that what's best for some people is literally none of it, and I also understand that while some people could benefit from just doing what I do, that the way the church treats queer people (and also women sometimes) does more harm than the good parts help. So while I talk about my religion sometimes, it's always more about my personal relationship with it and never to try to convert people. I fully support ex-mormons who left the church, because sometimes the environment can be truly toxic and the religious trauma they have experienced is real.

E) The culture of the church and the actual doctrinal teachings of the church are two very different things. Utah mormon culture is also different than regular mormon culture. All of these things have good aspects to them, but church culture and Utah mormon culture also have a lot of really harmful things too, and these don't even have anything to do with the crusty old men being homophobic/transphobic. I am also mad about this, and I also complain about this fairly frequently.

I'm glad you asked because I understand that this stuff can be confusing. I think it's impossible to be any kind of religious queer person and not have a really complicated and deeply personal relationship with your religion.

I hope that answered your question, and I completely understand if this makes my blog feel like an unsafe space for you and you feel like you need to unfollow me. I do, however, tag every church related post I make, both with a religion cw and the tumblr mormon tag. Do what's best for you, and much love.

Also, unrelated, but I really appreciate all the posts you make and every time I see a little notification from you on one of my posts, it makes me so very happy.

[devieuls]

My Neighbor

Hawks x Fem Reader ! smut ¡

Warnings :  dirty talk, arrogant Hawks, teasing. Explicit content 18+ MDNI

Synopsis : Your friendly, sweet neighbor, loved and adored by everyone, has been taking your sleep away for months because of his occasional sex session with strangers. So one night, tired of the situation, you show up at his door...

Length :  3k+

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It had been months since your nightmares first started. Your new neighbor was this, a nightmare that kept you from sleeping at night because of his adventures with strangers, and unfortunately the only one who could complain about it was you, 'cuz your bedrooms were snug and evidently his bed was attached to your wall, causing hammering every time he fucked a woman, but on the bright side, the sweet old lady from a few doors away supported you, even though she was a gossip granny and told all the intimate gossip of others.

You couldn’t deny that your mind had flown into ungodly thoughts, after all that bumping into the wall couldn’t make you think of anything else. He took your sleep away, so why not fantasize about him?

After all, he was a handsome man, tall, golden eyes, hair the color of the sun, lips more than delicious, a beautiful body and those scarlet wings that sprouted from his back, making him something ethereal, almost an angel. His personality was no different, always available to everyone, no wonder he was a much loved Hero, he had almost princely ways to do that made him adored by anyone.

In public you looked at him quite badly, and you had scolded him several times for his behavior, too bad that with those honey eyes and that smile made you melt and forget to be angry with him. Sure, he apologized every time, promising to keep it down, but he obviously forgot every fucking time.

Just like tonight.

Your eyes on the ceiling, sighing in frustration and hands joined together on your chest, praying that he would remember his promise and go easier on the new girl, just not to bother you. Unfortunately, that was not the case. You had to suffer the screams of pleasure and moans of the girl, while the wall almost threatened to collapse because of the bed that kept crashing.

< Shit! Can you just keep it down? > You said aloud, complaining about the sounds, then covering your ears with the pillow, hoping to look after his, even if a little. After about an hour and a half the sounds had stopped, you didn’t know exactly what gave you the courage to get up to knock on his door, but you were really tired and he had to see that you didn’t sleep anymore because of him.

Once you opened the door to your house, a staggering girl walked past you with ruffled hair and a little dress that barely stayed in place. You sighed and rolled your eyes, knowing that surely that girl had come out of your "friendly" neighbor’s house.

You knocked on his door and then crossed your arms to the chest evidently angry, after a few minutes the boy opened the door and smiled genuinely, almost innocently.

< What brings my lovely neighbour to my door? > He said with a hoarse and breathless voice, leaning against the door frame with one arm, towering above you.

And there was the moment when your convictions to rebuke him fell. His chest was naked, sweat gleaming on his sculpted physique and against light was even sexier than the vision; gray sweatpants and relaxed wings behind him; his hair messy and ruffled, with some strands on his face, slightly covering the predatory eyes he had; the mocking smile and that tone of voice...

No, you couldn’t give in just because it’s sexy, you can see beyond, you have to see beyond.

< Keigo. Let’s not start with this bullshit, you know very well why I am here. You have done it again, I’m tired of not being Able to sleep because you have to fuck every night. It’s your house, you can do whatever you want, but I need to sleep. Tomorrow is my day of rest and I was going to sleep to go out,  but if you stop me from resting, I have to spend the day in bed to recover the hours of sleep > You said angry, and then put your finger on his chest  < Really. Stop, at least slow down. It’s not normal that at this time of night you kept me Awake. It’s disrespectful, you’re rude. > you ended up angry, trying not to be distracted by his body.

Keigo laughed and tilted his head to the side, watching you pointing your finger at his chest. He bit his lip and leaned forward to get closer to you; his eyes went down on your body and noticed how you were dressed. You wore a two-piece suit in burgundy satin and lace and a robe of the same color you wore over just to cover the exposed parts.

< And you tell me this in that outfit, darlin' ? > He said smirking, making you back up and cover yourself with your robe, slightly red on your face.

< This is supposed to be pajamas and I should use it to sleep, which you obviously don’t, pretty bird. > you said in a provocative tone, making him laugh.

He made you back up until you touched the wall with your back, locking you in that spot because of his arms. You shuddered to feel like a bird in a cage, no matter how sexy the cage was blond.

< Such a waste to use to sleep, when someone might appreciate it more than your bed > replied.

He held a hand on your side and approached your neck, biting his lip again when he saw that you did not resist and that her touch caused you chills. < Are you sure you came to me to scold me? Or did you want to take the place of that girl. >  his voice was arrogant and mocking as he blew on your neck.

You really wanted to scold him, but you weren’t sure you didn’t want to replace the girl or the girls from the previous nights.

< Birdie, don’t get ahead of yourself. I came to complain about you, not to let you fuck me. >  you said bitterly, and then slightly away from him by placing a hand on his chest.

< You don’t seem to mind my touch. Princess, if you wanted to try me, you could have just asked>

< You’re so fucking cocky, Keigo. >

< Don’t pretend you’re sorry, y/n. I’m sure you’re already getting wet right now, but you’d rather be snooty, the one who wouldn’t let me touch her > He took you by the hips and drew you closer to him < When we both know that you would like what I have to offer you > he said blowing words on your lips, caressing your hips.

You looked away blushing, shit! if he was right. He moved a hand over your chin, forcing you to look into his eyes. His eyes were ravenous, lustful, and he was eating and swallowing you.

You’ve never seen him so bold and perverse before, so you shuddered at every touch or word, sighing heavily and gasping.

You froze on the spot when you heard a door opening and steps coming out of that place < Who’s there? > said a voice, just that of the gossipy grandmother. You wanted to die, would not talk about anything else for months. How she found you "half-naked" in the hallway of the building with a man, inflating it to make it more outrageous.

< Go back to your fucking house. > Keigo growled hard, then looked at her badly and made the old woman wince that protested returning to her house. You bit your lip when you saw this rough part of blondie, maybe this was one of the few things you wouldn’t expect from him.

His gaze returned to you and you felt so small, a prey in the jaws of his predator. < Where were we, birdies? > He said in a softer voice than the previous one, but always in mischievous tones.

Instinctively your hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him towards your lips, making you two collide. You started immediately a ravenous and wet kiss, while he took you by the thighs to wrap them in his life.

He took you inside his house, closing the door thanks to your body that now stood against the woody and smooth surface. Your hands moved between his fluffy hair and pulled them slightly making the boy moan, you panted when Keigo tightened his grip on your things, and you bit his lip slightly almost instinctively.

The blond broke away from the kiss,  leaving a thread of drool between you two, and then interrupted it when he began to kiss your neck and leave small bites and hickeys. You groaned under those rough but well-balanced attentions, his fluffy lips made you feel so wet already, and the fact that you were squeezed against the wall by his toned body didn’t help to alleviate the feeling he was having in you.

Your bodies were warming up in unison as the boy began to descend on your breasts, blowing warm air over them, so many little chills ran through your body. His nimble fingers went to remove the bows on the side of your top, taking it off immediately after to lick your already hard nipples, he laughed as you trembled under his attentions.

A slight groan leaves you as his mouth began to suck that sensitive spot, the sound went straight to Keigo’s dick, the blood flowing towards the tip making it pulsate from need. The touches are anxious, hungry and hasty, probably even bruises. You got goosebumps, as your hands glide through his golden locks of hair, your hips bend against him.

A low groan escapes his lips as his hands roam your body, gliding over your curves and under your fragile shorts.

< Damn it, babybird, If you keep this up, I’m not sure I can contain myself... > he said holding his mouth over your nipple, making you moan and arch your back against him.

< Then don’t do it... > you answered breathlessly.

He took off from your breasts and climbed back to your lips, beginning yet another desperate and needy kiss as you moved to his bedroom. He laid you on his mattress and began to wind his hands all over your body, touching, stroking and touching it, while his lips ate your voraciously.

He took off right after, breathing hard and looking at your body underneath him. He took your legs and opened them to comfortably get in the way. Your toes slightly lowered his pants, letting him know he had to take them off. So he did, he took them off for you.

< Birdie, do you use protection? > he asked passing a hand through his hair, while a hand stretched towards his bedside table to retrieve a condom.

< Internal contraceptive. In case, I’m clean and- > Your breath stopped to see his cock already ready for use, hard and pulsating, pleading for attention.

< I’m sure you are, don’t worry, Kid.> he said, stopping you from giving him any explanation.

He opened the wrapper of the condom with his teeth, then threw away the plastic and put on the protection. He stood above you, beginning to kiss your wrist, going down your arm. Your body sent electric shocks to your now impatient core as you beamed at its sudden delicacy.

< I promise to be nice to you, I don’t want to hurt you. > You didn’t quite understand why he would be gentle with you, but he never had a problem banging the others until they screamed.

< Please don’t treat me any differently. I want to hear what you gave the others. I deserve it. > You said you were confident. He smirked and left a bite on your wrist, making you wince.

< fuck! > came out of your lips, then pull his hair and make him unbalance to the side.

You shoved him on the mattress and you put yourself on top of him, his hands landed on your naked hips because of the split shorts, which let you see the absence of the briefs. Keigo bit his lip and relaxed under you, tearing off your brittle shorts, remaining completely naked.

< I could even let you ride if you need for you, babybird > said grinning.

< Yeah, I need it. > You answered firmly.

Your hands wandered over his chest, rubbing your intimacies. Your breaths filled the room, as your hand slid over his body to take his intimacy in hand. You sat down when your hand accompanied his dick inside you, sliding into your wet walls.

Keigo moaned with pleasure in feeling inside you, you were so hot, pulsing and craving that your pussy was sucking his cock, making him enjoy it like few people before you. Your back arched towards him as your hips swayed over his parcel, filling you up so well.

The blond bit his lip as he squeezed your hips and guided you over him. One of his hands went to meet your pussy, looking for the clitoris to give you more pleasure; you were amazed when he found it immediately and immediately began to sink with his soft fingers.

You moaned like the worst bitch as you hopped on him and pushed your hips against his fingers to get more.

< So impatient, babybird? You like riding my dick so much. > he said mocking you. Your mind was already drunk because of his cock so good and perfect for you.

It’s been a long time since you fucked and getting back on track with a dick like that was just great. Your hands ended up one on his chest and the other on his neck, slightly tightening his grip, not enough to make him feel something but enough to make him harder under you.

You felt tired after a while, it was hard to stand on top of him when his fingers were playing with your clitoris and his dick was pumping inside you so hard, even though you were riding and deciding the shots to give.

Keigo almost understood your tiredness and promptly brought you under him, changing position to favor your orgasm. He put a pillow under your back and when he came back to you it was like the first time. A groan came out of your lips, clinging to his back with your nails, leaving slight cuts caused by your pleasure scratches.

He laughed at your reaction and started pumping into you so fast you couldn’t breathe properly anymore. Only rough and dirty groans came out of your lips as his bed began to slam repeatedly against the wall.

< We should slow down, the neighbor will complain to me again if I continue like this >  He said teasing you, then slowing down. Your breath was labored, your mind was clouded, and a little scream of frustration came out of your lips.

< You never cared about the neighbor. Go on like you were doing before, fuck. > You answered sour, completely kidnapped by lust. The heat was focused on your lap as the boy slowed down on purpose.

He came up to your face, grabbed you by the neck and picked your jaw with his thumb.

< Baby, you really don’t get it? I wanted to do what I did. Look at you now, you’re in my bed getting the dick you cursed at night. > He said by making a deep blow in you, making you arch your back and moan. < I knew we would end up here one day. > the grin on his face made you bite your lip.

You punched him in the shoulder and he came out of you. He took your hips and put you on doggy style for him, your crossed hands locked against your back and face on the pillow.

He came back in and made you scream with pleasure. You started drooling against the smooth fabric of the pillow, as the man slammed his hips against you faster and faster, leaving a few spanks every now and then, his nimble fingers found your clitoris again and started playing with it again with a speed never experienced.

Your legs were shaking like your whole body, you could swear you were moaning and screaming louder than anyone else in his room. His wheezing and hoarse moans made you feel so relaxed and smug. After a few lunges with your hips you both came together, reaching a liberating orgasm.

Keigo left your hands, stroking your palms, going down to your body to help you lie on his mattress, then hear a strange squeak followed by a "Crack!".

Your eyes were wide open when you realized that the bed had broken and the guy next to you burst into a loud laugh, bringing his arm to cover his eyes.

< My sweet neighbor will be happy to never hear from my bed now that it’s broken. > He said laughing, mocking you.

< Stop! > You said blushing, then hiding in the mattress, turning on your stomach. < You’re not funny, stop! > You continued with a trembling voice.

The blond took you from your hips and approached him, stroking your hair and carrying a lock behind your hair. He kissed your neck gently and wrapped his arms around your soft hips. < Baby, I was kidding. My neighbor can’t complain if she broke my bed. He said, blowing words on your ear. < Now you still have to catch up on your sleep in the afternoon. > continued to tease you.

< Stop... You had already taken away my sleep, at least I spent my time well. > You snorted while you moaned because of his wet kisses.

< So will you stop reproaching me for my nighttime encounters? > he asked, putting his face on your neck.

< No. I still need to sleep at night, so do you. > You said and then turned to face, put your hands on his face and smiled. < You obviously need to rest, you work a lot too, you don’t need to fuck every night, yk. >

< Not even if I wanted to do it with you? It’s a good anti-stress > he answered looking at you with those honey-colored eyes, letting you melt with tenderness.

< But don’t ask me like that, not with those eyes... You got soft, biting your lip. Maybe, but I say maybe, I could agree... sometimes > you ended up getting a gentle kiss from him.

After a couple of minutes of kissing you, the guy pulled away slightly from you and stood by you, sighing as he looked up at the ceiling, and you did the same.

< So... are you the guy who sends away the girl after having fun or... > you started interrupting the silence between you < ... I mean, I’ve seen so many girls leave your house right after. I can go too if.. >

He interrupted you and looked at you < Stay. I don’t like to keep strangers in the house, but I don’t want to send you away, stay... really. I want you here > he said stroking your cheek.

You smiled and approached him, resting your head on his chest, falling asleep shortly thereafter. Keigo stroked your head with a smile, softening at the sight of you on his chest.

< If only you knew I liked you from day one. I’m so glad I got you, even for one night, the best birthday present of my life. >  whispered in the air, leaving a kiss on your head and falling asleep afterwards.

--------------------------AUTHOR'S NOTE--------------------------------------------------------

I’m always late, even publishing Hawks' smut for his birthday.

Best wishes to our favorite winged hero! I hope you enjoyed the story. This is a one shoot, so I won’t continue, sorry.

Remember that requests for any character are open, of all kinds and types.

Oh, and best wishes to all my wonderful readers!

Thank you for reading,

- Mel

[linkspooky]

Hey, love your fanfic and your metas. I have a thing that's been bothering me since I read your Azula rant a few months ago (which aside from this one thing, was AWESOME. GO THE FUCK OFF.). You bring up how Azula protected Zuko and looked out for him and he repaid her by treating her like she was a live wire meant to be pitied instead of helped. I agree that Azula was done dirty by the narrative, especially with your points added, but I couldn't help but feel that your reasoning for Azula being a better sibling to Zuko was based mostly on conjecture for her motivations rather than what was told to us from the show. So that brings me to my actual question: Should Zuko help Azula because he's supposed to as her family or because he's supposed to be a hero? And will the fic acknowledge their equal share in their toxic dynamic in later chapters?

I agree that most of my arguments on Azula's motivations are based on inference and not directly stated in text. If you don't find my arguments convincing than that's that. I can only argue my interpretation I can't tell you how to read it.

However, briefly I'd like to point out that Azula's motivations are muddled at best. I used killing the avatar as an example, because unless Azula is omniscient she had no way of knowing that Aang could have lived. She reacted with complete surprise when Zuko questioned if the avatar was really dead. If the show was telling us that Azula planned all along to throw her brother under the bus in case the avatar turned out to be alive, that doesn't really make sense. Azula's motivations aren't really made clear to us because 90% of the time she's being shown to us through Zuko's perspective who has very mixed feelings about his sister at best. Azula is also ultimately intended as just to be a part of Zuko's arc and foil to him not really her own independent character so like, I kind of have to infer her motivations.

Anyway, to addressing your actual question. I'm going to use an example to show what I think is the ideal development for Zuko and Azula's relationship by comparing it to another media. Namely, the redemption arc of Faith in Angel the Series. It's briefly covered in this video redemption for her but I'm going to write my own spin.

Faith is the other slayer, a girl chosen to hunt vampires in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Her intention with the start is similiar to Azula's, she's meant to serve as a dark foil to the main character and while Buffy triumphs Faith was destined from the start to take a fall. Faith is also the bad victim to Buffy's good victim. They've both suffered from severe physical and sexual abuse, but Buffy ultimately has a support system while Faith does not. Buffy is also unable to save Faith and basically gives up on trying, because she's suffered very personal abuse under Faith's hands.

Faith takes a fall from lack of any real support system just like Azula. She envies Buffy for the fact that Buffy has everything, a mom, a watcher, firends the same way that people in Azula's life (her mom, her uncle, Mai and Ty Lee also sidenote Mai and Ty lee aren't obligated to choose Azula she made those relationships toxic but like Azula's mother and uncle war criminal are just playing favorites) have always chosen Zuko over her.

Buffy: Why, Faith? What's in it for you? Faith: What isn't? You know, I come to Sunnydale. I'm the Slayer. I do my job kicking ass better than anyone. What do I hear about everywhere I go? Buffy. So I slay, I behave, I do the good little girl routine. And who's everybody thank? Buffy. Buffy: It's not my fault. Faith: Everybody always asks, why can't you be more like Buffy? But did anyone ever ask if you could be more like me? Angel: I know I didn't. Faith: You get the Watcher. You get the mom. You get the little Scooby gang. What do I get? Jack squat. This is supposed to be my town!

Faith basically has nothing, and she's defined by her lack of stability and identity. Similarly to Azula's breakdown, she's almost terrified by the idea of love. Azula can't trust people and can only resort to controlling them with fear because the person who should have loved her unconditional abandoned her and the only parent who showed her attention made her earn it and the person who modeled her relationships showed her how to control others through fear and obedience and that taints all her other relationships. Azula is a toxic individual who doesn't deserve Mai and Ty Lee's forgiveness, and she's also literally never been shown what a healthy relationship looks like and people can't understand that if they've never been taugh tit both of these things are true simultaneously. Faith envies Buffy's life but she's also terrified of unconditional love because abuse and abandonment is basically all she knows.

[Riley is on top of Buffy, looking down at her.] Riley: I love you. Faith in Buffy's body: Uggnnh Get off. No. No. No! [Pushing Riley away]Get-get off! No. Off me. Get off. No, no-o. G-get [Buffy stands] Riley: Buffy...What? What's wrong? Faith: (gasping) Who are you? What do you want from h-her? Riley: Should I not have...? Faith: This is meaningless. Riley: You're shaking. [He gets up and puts a blanket/sheet on her.] Faith: Nnnh. Riley: What happened? Faith: Nothing. Nothing.

Faith is committing sexual assault here, just by the way. Faith is honestly worse than Azula (they both try to do a mass murder for their daddies) and gets shown way more narrative sympathy than Azula ever does. But you know, Faith is also her own fully fledged character while Azula only exists to be a part of Zuko's arc and most of her deeper writing was Aaron Ehasz champining her cause. I guess Faith exists in a show where the writers allow women to be messy human beings.

Ursa: [appearing in the mirror] What a shame. You always had such beautiful hair. Azula: What are you doing here? Ursa: I didn't want to miss my own daughter's coronation. Azula: Don't pretend to act proud. I know what you really think of me. You think I'm a monster. Ursa: I think you're confused. All your life you've used fear to control people. Like your friends Mai and Ty Lee. Azula: [hysterically] Well what choice do I have? Trust is for fools! Fear is the only reliable way. Even you fear me. Ursa: [gently] No. I love you, Azula. I do. [Azula screams and hurls the brush at her mirror, breaking it; then collapses, sobbing]

As one final parallel both of them are aware on some level that they are a monster, and that their actions are bad. Ursa is just Azula's own mind telling her, so if Ursa is telling her that using fear to control Mai and Ty Lee is wrong then Azula is on some level aware of that. Faith and Azula define themselves as the bad one, and use that as a personal shield from both guilt and other's people rejection.

AZULA: "My own mother thought I was a monster... she was right of course, but it still hurt." vs. ANGEL: You can't imagine the true price of evil. FAITH: Yeah? I hope evil takes mastercard.

While Faith shares many parallels with Azula, I'd also like to point out the parallels between Angel and Zuko. They are both marked as having "the redemption arc" for their show. That's literally Angel's concept from day one, he's a vampire with a soul trying to atone for his past deeds. His entire spinoff show is Angel trying to find redemption by saving others. Zuko on the other hand is not only considered like one of THE REDEMPTION ARCS of all time but also his entire arc is learning that the fire nation was wrong and redeeming himself by joining the avatar the person he used to hunt and atoning for the ways he hurt Aang and his friends.

I think Zuko's character arc is much more similar to Angel's than Spike's to be honest (they're both characters in buffy who receive redemption). In that as you said above in your ask Zuko's arc is about him learning to be a proper hero. We don't really get to the part where Zuko like, develops his identity as a person outside of being a hero who saves others. Zuko does like learn to calm down and not express his rage and learns about unconditional love from Iroh but like his act of redeeming himself is switching sides and helping the heroes. Spike swithces sides too but that doesn't redeem him, Spike's redemption is gaining a soul himself and learning to develop his own morality and do good deeds for the right reason and not because he wants to get Buffy's approval.

In my writing I'm planning to continue it so Zuko has to let go of the notion of redeeming himself through heroism and instead has to learn that real redemption is trying to be a better person every single day, not defeating the fire lord and being a GOOD KING TM.

Back to Angel, he's a vampire with a soul. Rather he spent 200 years as a soulless vampire killing people and then he was cursed to have a soul and suddenly feel guilt and remorse for his actions. It's like how Zuko eventually realized he was on the wrong side. Angel can deeply empathize with Faith because he has been where she has. At the same time there's a marked difference. Angel's redemption was basically handed to him on a silver platter. He didn't decide to get a soul and start feeling guilt for his actions again it was forced on him.

The parallels between them culminate in Five by Five, one of my favorite episodes of television ever. Basically Faith has escaped the consequences of her actions and is running away from Buffy. She goes to LA and gets a contract to kill angel at which point a lawfirm will drop all murder charges against her and also continue to pay her to kill people form them.

While Faith is hunting Angel down, the episode flashes back several times to the series of events that started angel's redemption. First Angel deciding to murder a young girl, and getting cursed by her family to regain his soul and feel the guilt for what he did forever.

The next flashback depicts angel's mental breakdown after his ability to feel guilt is restored. He's immediately abandoned by his partner, another soulless vampire who finds his guilt and his soul disgusting. He's left alone with his guilt and there's no comfort in the world for him.

In the third flashback in spite of his guilt, Angel tries to be a monster again and go back to his old self by feeding on a woman in an alleyway only to find the guilt is too strong and he can't bring himself to kill her so he runs away in shame.

Buffy walks the really fine line between the fact that just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you're owed forgiveness or your feelings of guilt take priority over the people you hurt and also that it's painful feeling guilt and everyone at some time feels and struggles with guilt after hurting someone.

Angel is a mass murderer who feels guilty, which like yeah you should feel guilty. He's also a human being feeling genuine remorse with no idea how to make up for his actions.

Angel is able to sympathize with Faith because he knows that guilt, he knows that feeling that there's nothing you can ever do to apologize for your actions and it seems almost better to just kill yourself. To be so hopeless to believe you're just not capable of good.

Angel: (harshly) I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a k*ller. Buffy: Then fight it. Angel: It's too hard. Buffy: (desperately) Angel, please, you *have* to get inside. Angel: It told me to k*ll you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again. Buffy: I know what it told you. What does it matter? Angel: (raises his voice) Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care. He sobs. Buffy is at a loss for words. Angel: Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs k*lling, Buffy. It's the man. Buffy: You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it. Angel doesn't want to believe her. Buffy: (pleadingly) Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. (raises her voice) But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster.

Angel has also previously in the show attempted suicide because he believed he wasn't capable of being better or ever apologizing for his actions and when that happened he had someone who believed in him unconditionally and urged him to keep living.

So, really what right does Angel have to deny Faith that same support? How can we believe Angel's truly grown as a person if he doesn't show other people the same kindness that's been taught to him?

Which leads to one of the most beautiful scenes in all of television.

Faith: "You're gonna die!" Wesley is almost done sawing through his ropes. Faith keeps hitting and kicking Angel. Halfway through this it starts to first rain then pour. Faith: "You hear me? - You don't know what evil is! - I'm bad! - Fight back!" Wesley has freed his hands and is untying the other ropes. Faith keeps whaling on Angel, sometimes he ducks, sometimes the hits connect. Angel grabs a hold of her: "Nice try, Faith." He tosses her away from him. Then walks after her. Angel: "I know what you want." She hits him and he hits back dropping her. She comes back up hitting and screaming, but not making much of a dent. Wesley leans out of the window and sees Faith beating up on Angel. He goes into the kitchen and grabs a butcher knife, then heads for the door. Angel as he dodges another hit: "I'm not gonna make it easy for you." Faith throws herself against Angel screaming: "I'm evil! I'm bad! I'm evil! Do you hear me? I'm bad! Angel, I'm bad! (She begins to sob, grabbing a hold of Angel's shirt and shaking him) I'm ba-ad. Do you hear me? I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad. Please. Angel, please, just do it." Wesley comes running out of the house. Faith sobbing: "Angel please, just do it. Just do it. Just k*ll me. Just k*ll me." Angel wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her against him. She over balances them and they sink to their knees, Angel still holding her as she cries. Angel: "Shh. It's all right. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here. Shh."

As I said in my longass Avatar post we could have gotten this scene with Zuko and Azula. Zuko doesn't even have to necessarily forgive her, but we could have seen him at least embrace Azula out of sympathy at the lowest point in her life.

It would have been a parallel to the way when Zuko reunited with Iroh the first thing he did was hug him after Zuko was so worried his Uncle would never forgive him. Even if we didn't get a full redemption arc we could have just gotten this as a start, a sign that things might get better for Azula one day.

This is how I plan on writing Zuko and Azula's arc though. Zuko eventually needs to reach a place of self-awareness where he can help Azula get through the crushing guilt she feels because he's been there too. He had help when he was struggling at his lowest point, and now Zuko being that support for someone else is a way to demonstrate his growth as a person. That's a major theme I want to tackle in this fic, that helping the avatar and being a good firelord isn't the end to Zuko's development.

He can also do that while still holding Azula accountable for the hurt she's caused others and him. To emphasize she needs to actually do something to better herself, because feeling guilt isn't enough.

Faith: "Oh, maybe we - just don't mention it then." Angel: "Maybe we do." Faith: "Are you saying I got to apologize?" Angel: "Think you can?" Faith: "I don’t' know. - How do you say 'Gee, I'm really sorry tortured you I nearly to death?'" Angel: "Well, first off I think I'd leave off the 'Gee.' And secondly I think you have to ask yourself: are you?" Faith: "What?" Angel: "Sorry." Faith: "And what if I *can't* say it? There are some things you can't just take back, no matter how sorry you *are*, right?" Angel: "Yeah, there are. I've got some experience in that area." Faith: "Right. And you've been doing this for a hundred years! I'm not gonna make it through the next ten minutes." Angel: "So make it through the next five, the next minute." Faith: "I don't think I can." Angel: "Yes, you can." Faith walks away: "God, it hurts. I hate that it hurts like this." Angel follows her: "Oh well, it's supposed to hurt. All that pain, all that suffering you caused is coming back on you. Feel it! Deal with it! Then maybe you've got a shot at being free." Faith lets out something between a laugh and a sob: "I've got to be the first Slayer in history sponsored by a vampire." Angel: "Yeah, well, I've got some experience in that area, too."

Once again the fine line between "Yeah, you should feel guilty when you hurt people that's how it works" and also "You can still live with the guilt and get better."

As for Azula and Zuko's relationship and the way I plan on writing it, first and foremost I plan to make things get worse before they get better.

I do want to portray Zuko and Azula as being equally bad to each other. Azula was willing to throw Zuko under the bus for her father's favor. When Zuko is firelord though and the tables are turned and he has power over her, the way he treats her isn't exactly great let's say.

It's almost like abuse is born out of an unequal power dynamic and not just something that bad people do to innocent victims.

I know so far the narrative is incredibly slanted towards Azula, but one I'm just writing the way Zuko acted in the comisc, and two it's from Azula's perspective. Now that Zuko is finally getting his POV I plan on covering a lot of his pain from the way Azula hurt him too.

If you've ever read Interview with a Vampire and the Sequel Lestat, I'm planning on doing something similiar to Lestat and Louis' divorce arc. Each of them narrates a story from their own perspective and each of them paints the other in the worst light possible while highlighting their own qualties.

Also to some extent I do think Zuko believes that he's "the good one". That part of his treatment for Azula comes not from anything Azula's done, but from projecting his worst flaws onto Azula because they were both groomed by Ozai and wanting to convince himself he's NOT LIKE THAT.

Whereas Azula views Zuko as an ungrateful trait. I think they'd both have to essentially get over it. Zuko betrayed the fire nation because the way Azula and Ozai treated him was wrong and the fire nation was wrong. Zuko can't play good victim bad victim. You don't become a good person by pointing the finger and scapegoating someone else as evil, you do it by working on yourself every day.

The way I want to model their relationship is something like Sanemi and Giyu, or Blackfire and Starfire. The pain that they caused each other is legitimate and shouldn't be shied away from but also both ulitmately grew up and survived the same abusive household together. That's a special kind of understanding that they have for each other that no one else does, and I think Zuko needs that understanding from someone. Ursa ran away, Kiyi is an innocent kid, I don't think he could connect with either of them the way that he could with Azula who shared Zuko's same abuse.

Forgiving Azula and seeing how her trauma affected her can also be a way of Zuko forgiving himself and learning about himself. He can look at Azula's abusive behaviors and be like, oh I do that too. I'm not quite over that yet. It's impossible to be truly over the ways my abuse affected me, but I can keep working on it.

This is basically the note I want both of them to end on where they're both still working on redemption together.

ANGEL Faith, wake up! FAITH (wakes) I've rolled the bones. You for me. ANGEL (walks away from the fight with Angelus to talk to Faith) I used to think that. That there'd be a point when I'd paid my dues. ANGEL Faith, listen to me. You saw me drink. It doesn't get much lower than that. And I thought I could make up for it by disappearing. FAITH I did my time. ANGEL Our time is never up, Faith. We pay for everything. FAITH It hurts. ANGEL I know. I know.

Anyway, thnak you for the ask. I'm happy you're interested in my fic. If you have any more questions of comments on my fic feel free to send them.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

M.Wuerker

* * * *

"WE SHALL NOBLY SAVE, OR MEANLY LOSE, THE LAST BEST HOPE OF EARTH"

TCinLA

Oct 16, 2024

In what is now a little less than three weeks, the world’s oldest democracy will conclude a referendum on whether democracy will be maintained or be replaced by fascism.

I wish to hell I could write something more subtle. But there’s nothing subtle to write.

160 years ago, President Lincoln posed the choice the country face in the election of 1864 - held in the midst of the Civil War - thus: “We shall nobly save, or meanly lose, the last best hope of earth.”

That choice is before us again.

And this time it is even more stark.

The media continues to struggle - at the infrequent times they deign to even try - to use language that clarifies all this; with rare exception, the best they can do is to call the situation “extraordinary,” “unusual,” and “unprecedented.” Or at least they consider the possibility of using those words on the few occasions where they aren’t putting all their effort into telling us “Nothing to see here, folks, move along,” that it’s just another of those every-four-year competitions between two candidates who each love America and only want the best for us.

On Monday, both Trump and Kamala Harris held campaign events.

Trump’s town hall devolved into one of the most bizarre political events of the campaign, as he stopped taking questions (that he didn’t answer when they were asked), and stood dazed and confused on the stage for 39 long minutes, listening to music as he “danced” by himself while his staff played music from his personal Spotify list and the governor of South Dakota acted like a children’s show host, clapping along to the music as if everything was completely normal.

At about the same time, Kamala Harris held an energetic and positive rally; it was well- organized, inspirational, with accompanying music from artists who personally approved use of their songs by the candidate.

Coverage of the two events was mind-boggling, as the corporate media either completely ignored Trump’s behavior, or sanewashed it by calling it “a concert,” or otherwise acted like the two events were the same. There was no mention at all that the oldest candidate to campaign for president had “sundowned” in front of his supporters for close to three-quarters of an hour. The Guardian - which should definitely know better! - and the WaPo, which one would hope might know better, both called it a “dance party.” CBS and ABC described it as an “impromptu concert.” Surprisingly, the New York Times actually called it “odd,” while NBC used the word “surreal,” to describe the event. Trump was so far gone that when he “came around” at the end, he told his supporters to be sure to “vote on January 5.”

Clearly, there is nothing Trump can do that will get the media to tell their audiences the truth about what is happening to him.

But yesterday, the receipts were there for anyone who cared to look. Trump did a live interview at an event put on by Bloomberg News and the Economic Club of Chicago. It was another train wreck.

The entire sorry show began with Trump showing up an hour late. Moderator John Micklethwait, editor-in-chief of Bloomberg News, proceeded to ask real questions regarding Trump’s economic plans, which the former “dumbest fucking student who ever walked in my classroom” (in the words of a Wharton professor whose class young Donald was allowed to AUDIT because he failed to qualify for acceptance into Wharton) answered with rants and slogans. Micklethwait - a Brit who obviously does not suffer fools easily or at all - repeatedly corrected Trump and redirected him to the actual questions. Trump doesn’t like being publicly schooled or questioned, and the interview quickly grew angry and combative. On being corrected by Micklethwait for misunderstanding how tariffs work, Trump replied (in front of an audience of people who do understand how tariffs work): “It must be hard for you to, you know, spend 25 years talking about tariffs as being negative and then have somebody explain to you that you're totally wrong.” When Mickelthwait pointed out that an analysis by the Wall Street Journal stated his plans would explode the national debt, Trump wrapped his arms around himself like a petulant 10 year old being corrected and replied: “What does the Wall Street Journal know? They’ve been wrong about everything. So have you, by the way….. You’ve been wrong about everything…. You’ve been wrong all your life on this stuff.”

As Micklethwait continued to conduct journalism with Trump, the response was more and more outlandish statements: that children could do the work of U.S. autoworkers in South Carolina, and that he would be a better chair of the Federal Reserve than Jerome Powell.

Despite the claims by Trump press spokesman Fu Manchu, er, I mean Steven Cheung, that his candidate had “won” - as if the interview was a debate - $22 Million Man Chris LaCivita decided Trump would not do another economic policy event with CNBC.

David Rothkopf of Deep State Radio hit the nail on the head: “The past 24 hours seem to have been a dividing line in the Trump campaign...and in Trump. He went from being periodically adrift and sporadically demented to being 24/7 unfit and in need of permanent medical attention. He's one cloudless night away from baying at the moon.”

That’s why it was so bracing this week to find that General Mark Milley, former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, clarified remarks he had made previously to Bob Woodward for his book “War,” (which is an excellent account of how Joe Biden is the best president of the past 60 years) stating clearly:

"He is the most dangerous person ever. I had suspicions when I talked to you about his mental decline and so forth, but now I realize he's a total fascist. He is now the most dangerous person to this country, he’s a fascist to the core.”

The media was stuck. They had to talk about that. High ranking American military officers do not go around saying things like that. Ever.

In 1956, then-president Dwight D. Eisenhower - the last Republican president who didn’t either commit or knowingly benefit from treason to win his elections - spoke to a group of Republican women about the state of politics in America. He said:

“If a political party does not have its foundation in the determination to advance a cause that is right and that is moral, then it is not a political party; it is merely a conspiracy to seize power.”

Here we are, 68 years later, confronted by the fact we are not opposed by a political party, but by “a conspiracy to seize power.”

And it is up to each of us to “nobly save, or meanly lose, the last best hope of earth.”

Looking at the first day of early voting yesterday in Georgia - which exceeded the previous record in 2020 by 184% - and listening to interviews with voters who had stood in line resolutely through all the early morning glitches to be sure they voted tell reporters that they were there “to save democracy” in the words of several, “to be true to my mother and grandmother and her grandmother” in the words of one woman, I think we have a shot at doing it.

In the words of Willie Brown, the smartest politician I ever knew, “Ignore the polls and run like you’re ten points down till the real polls close, then celebrate.”

[ochrearia]

Within His Own Silent Shell

And this is what happens when a retired angst writer has a bad night I guess lmao. I'm not gonna change or edit anything this was written last night when I could barely even see my screen. It's only YS but I didn't even use names anyway. Have this and I'm gonna go back to bed 👍

Heed the tw tags

BFs in this drabble: Yourself (YS)

He never really slept, not well enough to constitute a whole uninterrupted night of it at least. Such a somber routine of staring at a darkened ceiling, nothing but the timy dotted light of his laptop charger still plugged into the wall. And where was his microphone on this night? On the desk somewhere, too exhausted to even cross the room to get her. This wasn’t good.

This wasn’t a good night. It’s not like he ever really had good nights, or even good days. Just idly floating by pretending like things were okay, offering smiles faked so well even he could think they were real. Laughter forced so skillfully it came off as genuine. They weren’t real. Nothing good was ever real for him. Bitter, poisonous thoughts.

Not good, not good, you’re spiraling, please pull up, don’t do this you know that’s not true you have so many good things in your life right now- Oh yeah? Like what, then, brain? His “brothers”? Just those other versions of himself that didn’t actually care, because who fucking would care about him? When was there ever a time that he really, truly fucking mattered at all?

Stop, stop it, they love you, why can’t you just let yourself believe that? Come on, please, you can avoid it this time. Breathing labored, struggling against the tidal waves of chest-tightening emotions. He wanted to tear his heart from his chest, maybe that would make it stop hurting. This damn hoodie. This stupid piece of clothing that he’d convinced himself meant so much more than it ever did. A thank you gift, nothing more.

Spiraling, you’re spiraling, you know you are. You’re aware and you can choose to stop this if you would just please LISTEN- He hissed to himself, sitting up violently and pulling the hoodie off. Stupid fake sentiment, it wasn’t real and he shouldn’t enable his own delusions just to make himself live a little longer.

Why had he thrown out his plan again? Because they “cared”? Of course they didn’t. Not in any meaningful way. Not the way he did them. He knew what he was. A support beam, a portable therapist, something they could use when they needed it and you know what? He was happy to be of use to anyone at this point. Giving them everything he desperately wished someone would give for him.

But he knew they wouldn’t. Why in god’s name would anyone love him after what he’d done?

Need someone, have no one. Need someone, have no one.

A fitting fate. Just one of many he really deserved but he’d get there eventually. What would really be fitting is if he did what he did in desperation to join her and end up still permanently separated from her. God, why does his chest hurt so bad? Hurts, and he was cold, the air conditioning was on and he was sitting right under it. Hoodie was gone. He didn’t deserve the hoodie. Deserved to be cold. Deserved to hurt. Deserved to be alone.

He’d lost control of his shapeshifting again at some point. He was small. Breathing was hard. His eyes burned and curling into himself heavy and exhausted did nothing. His chest hurt. Things were bad and he could barely think, but they still continued to be bad. Good things weren’t real, not for him, never for him. Suffer, suffer like you’re supposed to, or did you forget why your wings are gone in the first place?

Need someone. Have no one. Deserve no one.

His struggle against the tears was lost. Maybe if he clenched his teeth tight enough they would shatter. Maybe his throat would close up if he just tried a little harder to push everything down. There was no comfort for terrible things like him. The ceiling stared back at him like it always did, unchanging, uncaring, unloving. What time was it, anyway? Too late for any of them to be awake, too late for any of them to be able to feel his emotional walls crumbling through the connection. Not like they’d come running anyway.

He was so tired. Tired of feeling like this, tired of living this way. Tired of… living. What did it matter? He could do it. It would be easy. No one would stop him. It would make the hurt go away. It would make everything go away. He could do it.

Breathe.

The hoodie was thrown across the room to the floor. He was cold and the air conditioner was still running, vent right above him. It was dark, nothing else but the tiny dotted light of his laptop charger. Staring back at him, light fracturing as more tears spilled into his vision.

Need someone, have no one.

She was still on the desk. It’s not like she could move without him helping. He’d reduced her to that. She gently blazed red, almost like she knew he was thinking about her. A response, contrasting against the blue light of the charger.

He crumbled, arms folded across his stomach as he curled up again. Cold, lonely, lost. Not even worth burying himself under his blanket, it would do nothing to help. There was no one for him, and it would stay that way. He knew that, strength giving way to quiet sobs into his pillow.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

Can't think of a more manipulative person than someone who uses Jimin's personal, emotional struggles to get back at others.

She basically just said:

"Jimin suffered so much to do this album and some of you selfishly wanted the company to restock his CDs".

People LOVED the album, by the way, short-sighted, delusional, naive jikooker. Everyone LOVED it and people just wanted it to have a fair chance at being even more successful and celebrated and remembered than it was.

Nobody wanted Jimin to change the way he expressed his emotions or the concept of anything related to his music.

Jungkook got even remix CDs for his very personal, very real (as we all could see on video evidence) songs about fucking women seven days a week. Let that sink in.

So because Jimin struggled, everyone who wanted to support him had to struggle to give him recognition too? All the negativity that came after had everything to do with the company, not with the album or the music itself.

So because Jungkook didn't write one single song in his album, an album that's not even in a language he speaks btw, there's no pressure on him to get handed everything? Every stupid, little thing that costs nothing for a company to provide?

Now the ones who do the least deserve more? Is that it? Now people aren't supposed to complain about the ones who work the hardest receiving the least?

I hadn't even seen this post when I wrote this but this type of dumb people is exactly what I was talking about:

[happyhauntt]

gold rush modern au hcs

series masterlist | writing masterlist | askbox

─── summary: the anya / nikolai brainrot is real and i want to start writing for their modern au so until i do, here are some fun headcanons bc i literally cannot stop thinking about them.

─── pairing: nikolai lantsov & anya kamenev (original character.)

anya lets her guard down when she's drunk and early on in their situationship it's the only time nikolai gets to take care of her.

like she calls him to come and get her from a frat party genya took her to and she's so cuddly he's honestly concerned she's been drugged and/or cloned

like 'who are you and what have you done with the girl who bullies me like her life depends on it???'

he's so soft for it when he realises she's just drunk and he tucks her up in her bed with painkillers and a trash can within reach and he sits on the couch until dawn to make sure she's okay and then slips out before she wakes up.

everyone: 'for someone who hates nikolai you sure are obsessed with him'. anya: 'no i'm not???' everyone: 'sure you aren't babe'.

they are the definition of 'fell first, fell harder' !!!

nikolai was out here pining for anya for years, and she just wakes up one day and gets slammed like a fucking freight train with the realisation. oh fuck. i'm in love with nikolai. somehow. how the fuck did that happen. WHY the fuck did that happen. my life is over.

this is right after nikolai is injured at winter fête during an assassination attempt against his father and her whole world just screeches to a halt.

genya and david are just in the corner and david's handing genya a wad of cash and they're laughing while anya has her little meltdown it's adorable.

entering into a friends-with-benefits situation when anya is engaged to vasily (it's an uno-reverse plot of their original story where nikolai is engaged to alina bc PARALLELS and also i can't let them be happy in any universe without first making them suffer) is a Bad Idea but these two are nothing if not self-destructive.

anya may be in love with him but she doesn't have the emotional capacity to Deal with that yet so she's just gonna fuck him.

being friends-with-benefits is all well and good until nikolai gets so fucking jealous of anyone who even looks at anya. she finds this hilarious (until someone's looking at nikolai and then she's throwing hands.)

anya is very insecure about her disability, especially because of her status and expectations, and nikolai makes it his duty to show her how much he adores every inch of her, every day.

anya is engaged to vasily and she and nikolai fully get caught by zoya sneaking out of the engagement party to go makeout in the bathroom. these two are gonna give her premature grey hairs honestly-

anya admits to nikolai that she misses being able to dance. nikolai helps her dance around her apartment by supporting her weight and they're giggling and suddenly they're slow dancing and it's so fuckin adorable.

it's hard to believe anya was so mean to him for literal years.

nsfw beneath the cut!

anya learning she's actually a sub is so fucking funny

like she is so submissive during sex but absolutely not at first. she has a dire need for control in her life and definitely runs their sex life/tops for the first few months.

it's really significant the first time she realises she trusts nikolai and surrenders that control to him, because what she really wants is someone to take care of her, someone to trust completely.

she's so bossy at first and then sex becomes this thing where she just melts and nikolai literally thinks he'll die the first time she allows him that control because it's like seeing anya for the first time, and he's so in love with her already even if it's just sex but in that moment he swears he fell in love with her again. knowing he had her trust like that was,,, everything.

teasing eachother like it's an olympic sport?? more likely than you think.

like she used to hate him (lol not really) and now it's her personal fucking mission to rile him up at any given opportunity. public events?? in the library?? at her own fucking engagement party?? you got it.

nikolai fucking anya in her wedding dress??? yes.

because she is a masochist and doesn't know when to stop hurting herself (or nikolai honestly) she's like 'hey it arrived from it's final fitting, can i show it to you?' and he wants to say no so badly.

she's marrying his asshole brother, there is no world where he wants to see this dress, see her in it, picture her wearing it for someone other than him.

but her eyes are so wide, so vulnerable, and he realises she needs this. needs him to be the first person to see her wearing it. needs him to understand.

so she comes out, and he's honestly,,, floored. and angry. and so, so turned on. his eyes grow dark and hungry and before they know it he's hiking the dress up to her waist and fucking her against the doorframe.

and it's so possessive and full of remember you're my good girl, not his and when you're saying your vows, you gonna think of this? think of me fucking you in this dress? you're so beautiful, my darling, he doesn't deserve you. look at me. you're gonna walk down the aisle and all i'll be able to picture is your face as you come for me.

it's so hot and the room smells like sex and nikolai takes a picture of her in the dress afterwards, draped on the bed, face flushed and eyes shining and happy. and he'll pretend it's their wedding night.

[sbk-zgvlt]

HELP I JUST GOT THIS IDEA…

Book 7 spoilers bc I know people (me) read this shit like the newspaper.

So. Because Sebek had like. A mental health crisis and almost fell back into deep sleep and it was suspiciously familiar. Consider.

Weeks after the events of Book 7, Sebek gets a little invitation to a meeting in, say, the Astronomy Tower or something. I dunno. Nothing about TWST says there isn’t one, it’s a common setting in fics, plus it’s pretty. Anyway he tells Malleus about it bc it’s after hours and (with a Look) Malleus tells him he can (and should) go.

When Sebek gets there, he’s very confused to find a meeting of six out of the seven Housewardens plus Jamil there sitting in a circle and chatting. They inform him that it’s an overblot support group.

Sebek: … but I haven’t overblotted????

Riddle: Really? Malleus has informed us that whilst he was overseeing Lilia’s dream, you experienced something similar.

Sebek: I simply almost fell into deep sleep again and lost lucidity! It is nothing to fret over.

Azul: Oh? Then you didn’t have an emotional episode in which you made a very poor decision that threw away all logic?

Sebek: uh

Leona: And there wasn’t black shit everywhere?

Sebek: well

Vil: And there weren’t monsters attacking your friends that were made of said black goop that had to be fought off to save you?

Sebek: um

Jamil: and you weren’t left completely drained of all energy afterwards?

Sebek just. Quietly takes the open seat next to Malleus.

He effectively had a mental-only overblot, man. It might not have been as physically harmful as a normal overblot but he deserves support.

BRO,,,BRO,,,,

He's STUMPED. He sees absolutely no need for him to be in this...support group? Surely, his liege has suffered far more than him! HE was the one who overblotted, not Sebek! In fact, everyone else in this group has carried burdens that Sebek can't even fathom. He voices this out immediately in the middle of his first meeting.

"It's not about who got the shorter end of the stick." Jamil tries to explain to him. "It's the fact that all of us got one in the first place." Sebek raises a brow. "I HAVE NEVER BEEN HANDED A STICK!" "YOU'RE ACTUALLY HOPELESS."

Malleus sighs and tries to reason with him. "At least try. I'm saying this not as your liege, but as your friend." "WE'RE FRIENDS!?!!??" Leona stares at Sebek tearing up before turning to Malleus. "Yeah, he's fucked in the head."

The meetings are already wild to begin with, especially with overblotees who don't really have a high opinion on each other. Adding Sebek in kind of disrupts the balance of people "hating" each other.

When they asked Sebek how his "overblot" went, Sebek stared off into the distance before saying that it was embarrassing. Everyone's shocked that he described such an experience that way. "...just embarrassing?" Vil asks, clearly not satisfied with the answer. "I was stuck in a dreamscape that replicated the exact visage of the horrors of war. I should've raised my guard, yet..."

Sebek looks a bit embarrassed before admitting, "I got carried away, believing in praise that I could only find in my own dreams. I shouldn't have been so...easy to manipulate." Malleus winces at his words. "If it weren't for Silver, it's most likely that-" He cuts himself off.

Azul prods, too invested in the story, "Most likely what?" Sebek gulps. "It was most likely that I would've never gotten out." Silence. "B-but it was a dream. Like, u could always respawn!" Idia tries to say.

"Silver said that he didn't know what would happen if anyone actually...died in a dream. Especially with his unique magic."

Malleus excuses himself from the meeting. He doesn't return.

The second meeting that Sebek attends, Malleus shifts his chair just a bit closer towards his.

[tallymonster]

Memories of Us chapter 10

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |

AO3

Okay first things first. Partial writing credit goes to @micropoe10 because she helped me write a good chunk of this. I owe you so hard bestie.

As always thanks to @cheesy-cryptid for allowing me to use their art as inspiration and for reblogging this. I literally would not continue this if I hadn't gotten the attention from them I did. So thank you thank you thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

One last thing before I post the story. This has been the most fun I have had on Tumblr. All of the support and love I have gotten from my friends on the Astarion Brainrot discord has been so encouraging. I owe you guys more than I could ever express.

ALRIGHTY THEN. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO.

Tags: @justporo @satanicspinosaurus @sleepy-timaeus @tragedybunny @davenswitcher @wayward-hel (if you wanna be included let me know ❤️❤️)

 chapter 10. I caught fire

The day went on slowly. Octavia stared at the clock on the wall, the anxious feeling gnawed at her. Earlier, she had briefly seen Astarion at the end of the office corridors. He gave the same empty stare he has for the last few weeks. 

 

She stood in front of her office door, glancing down at the handle. She should go say something, it's been long enough. Octavia turns to walk towards him, but as she looks over, he's already gone. 

 

As she walked into the office, Gale was sitting on his desk going through a few things he was researching on his own. He tears his eyes away for a moment and slides a small red piece of paper towards her.

 

Another note. 

 

“You know at some point, you'll have to admit you fucked up, Octavia. This is all becoming a little childish isn't it?” Gale chided.

 

He put down his pen and sighed. “You're not the only one suffering here, it's so ridiculously obvious that you're both miserable. In the years I've known him, I have never once seen him be so quiet around anyone else. You, my friend, are a first in many instances.” he chuckles at the end of his scolding. 

 

“You two are so dumb sometimes, it makes for fine entertainment.” He smirks and continues to write. 

 

Octavia scowls a bit, “I’m glad my misery is so interesting to you, Gale. Do you and your mother gossip about us during your brunches?” 

 

Gale immediately stares up at Octavia, “Okay, I apparently hit a nerve…I’m sorry. Really, I am. You know I'm only telling you this because I care about you both? I hate that you're not speaking. Not only because it's unprofessional for me to be your note lackey, but because the others have started to notice. So I suggest you read whatever is on this note, and go fix it. For all our sake.” He shuts his notebook and walks up to the office door. 

 

“I’m going for a walk, I hope you can figure out how to amend this.” He steps out, leaving Octavia to sit in her own anguish. She fiddles around with the folded piece of paper before deciding to get it done and over with. 

 

She unfolds the little more and her whole soul escapes her body. The note sent with Gale only said "Office. Now." Well that's it, he's firing her, or demoting her, or even worse, nothing at all. 

 

Octavia made the long walk over to Astarion's office. She stands in front of the door, hesitant to knock.

 

The whole argument replays in her head like it has for the last few weeks, she should've knocked on the damn door. But no, like a petulant child she was only thinking petty thoughts.

 

As she lifts her hand to knock, she hears some banging on the other side. She presses her ear to the door and listens quietly. Nothing. Was he even in there or was he testing her? 

 

It doesn't matter in hindsight, he's got his reasons for whatever he called her here for. She softly knocks on the door, the sounds behind the door stopping immediately. "Astarion? I got your note."

 

On the other side of the door, Astarion quickly picks up the papers he's thrown everywhere. Thank the gods he still used that arcane magic Gale taught him while they’d sort through maps and scrolls during their adventures. Within seconds his thrashed space is as impeccable as before. He composes himself and takes a moment, the mask expertly back on. "Come in."

 

Octavia walks in, Astarion is standing with his back to her, facing the window. "Locked. I don't want any interruptions." He speaks in a curt tone, not turning at all. Octavia locks the door, nervously sitting on the chair across him.

 

Astarion slowly walks over to her, stopping in between her and his desk. He sits on the edge facing her, his eyes two sunset orange orbs glaring deeply into her. He takes a long breath before speaking, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have raised my voice to you like that. I hope we can go back to how we were before, I'm not angry anymore." 

 

Octavia's face is suspicious, her eyebrows furrowed, eyes turn into slits and she's taken back. "Hold on, you haven't spoken to me in three weeks, and you're apologizing? Why? Aren't you still furious with me? Are you okay?" 

 

Astarion scoffs a skewed scowl on his face."I'm trying to be open with you like you asked me to. Are you really going to get mad because I'm apologizing to you? What is wrong with you?" He asks exasperated, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Gods you are so infuriating you're just like-" he takes a sharp inhale, "Listen, I'm trying, okay? This whole being patient, kind, open communication sort of thing is still very new to me." 

 

He continues, "I'm willing to look past this little invasion, honestly I'm amazed that you of all people would be the one to sneak in here." He sounded impressed. "Either due to luck or stupidity, but you're the first to leave alive." He chuckled a dark sarcasm behind it. 

 

"Besides," he paused, shuffling his feet, clearing his throat, and pursing his lips, "I missed talking to you. Passing notes like we're school children isn't as fun or exciting when you're an adult and Gale is the one you're passing them through." He pouts softly, as if seeking some sort of playful pity.

 

"I find that hard to believe, you seemed to like those little notes. I had so many, I thought it was an excuse to keep seeing Gale?" Octavia mocked, giggling softly. "Can I be honest with you too? I mean since we're in the spirit of openness and all?" Astarion motions her to proceed, "I missed talking to you as well. You're fun to talk to and complain with." 

 

Astarion smirks and extends a hand towards her. "Then, may I offer my apologies to you? Will you let me air my sweet grievances and complaints to you?"

 

His voice dripped like warm syrup towards Octavia, his eyes had a sultry energy behind them which made her cheeks quickly heat up. Her mind is scrambling to react, but the only thing working on overdrive is her need to see how much further this could go. She decides to play into his dangerous game, one that she knows she will most likely lose. 

 

Octavia takes his hand and leans forward on the chair, "As long as there are no complaints about me, I've been working very hard to earn your forgiveness." She chuckles, smiling with her eyes, dragging her gaze slowly back to his own, inhaling quietly as she stares into those gorgeous golden sunset pools.

 

Astarion leans in mirroring her movements, "Well you have, if that makes you feel better. I'm willing to work hard too. If you allow me to-" she stops him from speaking, pressing a finger to his lips.

 

He's taken back slightly, his lips stay puckered on her finger and he takes his chance to kiss it gently, earning him a sharp inhale from her. 

 

"Honestly, an apology is more than I ever thought I'd get from you Astarion, no offense." Octavia laughs, she stands and removes her finger from his lips. She stands in front of him, and reaches her hand down to hold his again. 

 

He smiles and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear, gods she's even more beautiful up close. She breathes deep, allowing his touch. He caresses her cheek, gliding his hand down to hold her chin tilting her head up and looking her over. 

 

"You expect so little of me, how can I show you that I'm much more than that?" Astarion looks at her through hooded eyes, he was incredibly persuasive in the most benign occasions, and now that he had the invitation from her, he wasn't going to let that go to waste. He pulls her in closer, letting his arm rest on her waist.

 

He spoke so sweetly and Octavia wants to trust him, if he's willing to drop his guard, she can drop hers. "There's so much I want to tell you, but I'm afraid it will change your opinion of me." She spoke so softly, almost a whisper. 

 

Astarion's face turns to worry, there was a vulnerability he wished to share with her, how he did with Tav, they're so similar, this feeling is bittersweet and it terrified him. "Octavia, nothing can deter me. How intelligent, thoughtful, genuine you are..."

 

Octavia can't breathe, the words from his lips are so saccharine, like a forbidden fruit she longed to taste. "It scares me, the last time something like this happened, I ran from it, like a coward. I'm afraid of what it would do to you. The lengths I would go for someone like you." He confesses, she can sense the heartbreak behind the words.

 

His hand falls over the edge of her jaw sliding down and trailing it across her shoulder, up around her neck playing with the strands of hair that betrayed its styling, pulling her closer, his lips feather lightly across hers. Octavia's knees felt like they were about to give out, this is what she was hoping would happen in her garden, at the fundraiser, practically any time she saw him alone, he was so hard to understand but that made the appeal more undeniable.

 

"What if I wanted to find out? What would you do?" Octavia presses her forehead to Astarion's, her breath shuddering under the closeness between them.

 

Astarion chuckles "Curious little kitten aren't you?" His hand intertwined in her hair turns her head so he can lean in closer, his voice a low whisper in her ear "If you let me, I could drown you with my love. You would die a million little deaths each day. Allow me to show you." 

 

She felt his lips press against her skin. They were cool and soft, he could feel her shiver underneath his touch, a warmth grew inside that was boiling over both of them. The fire was certainly lit, but she had to be the one to control it before it became unstable.

 

Her hands shot up to his shoulders, stuck between pushing him off and entangling a hand in his hair. "Astarion, wait.." 

 

Octavia turns and looks into his eyes, full of hunger and lust, she takes a second to catch her breath. "I want this, but I want to take my time with it, I- I don't want to do anything to make you regret this. I really like you." Astarion's eyes grow wide, "I won't. I can't." His voice was soft, pleading almost.

 

One of Octavia's hands settles on Astarion's cheek, he settles into her touch and kisses the inside of her hand. His normally angular eyes are so round and soft, looking up at her, wanting. The vulnerability she was seeking on full display. He continues to kiss her hand, slowly going down her wrist. 

 

She continues to watch as he leaves a trail of languid kisses. As soon as he passes halfway up her forearm, she can't take it anymore. She pulls him in, kissing him, her whole body feels like it's floating and sinking all at once. She feels his arms pull her into himself, holding her closer as he deepens their kiss. 

 

One of her hands rests on his shoulder as the other snakes up to his hair, wrapping it in his curls. After a few moments he pulls away, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. "You are going to be the death of me, and I welcome it with an open embrace."