#[ self-empowerment/love fluff ]

[niamh-oshea]

No amount of books, videos or advice could've prepared me for how painful active labour truly was. Let alone childbirth.

So, when I told Isaac that I wanted to give birth without any more morphine, let alone a drop of the highly tempting epidural, I could understand his apprehension. But I wanted my body to do what it was made to do. What I had been preparing for it to do.

My pregnancy had not always been smooth sailing. During my first trimester, my morning sickness was round the clock. And my second trimester didn't leave me glowing. Instead, every day was a battle with my raging hormones and how they strongly affected my mood and emotions. And although all the physical sickness eventually settled by the time my third trimester rolled around, a childhood bully had decided to make yet another unwelcome appearance once again, tormenting me like he had done many times before. Except this time was his worst yet.

Somehow, he had gotten access of my computer, and of my hard drive. Finding where I keep mine and Isaac's most intimate sexctapes, he threatened to distribute it to shame me. The mental and emotional toll it took on me had its physical consequences, urging my OBGYN to put me on strict bed rest. Meanwhile, enraged, Isaac took charge of hiring the best lawyer in the country to fight our battle for us.

I'm afraid to admit that, for a while, I did feel ashamed. But more than that, I was beyond terrified. The repurcussions are endless if a sextape was to be exposed. The damage it could do to a career I worked so damn hard for. And what of my Isaac and his family? It could ruin their high reputation in mere minutes. But the Bourdins' lawyer was worth every cent they paid him, successfully silencing my bully forever and managing to keep our dignity in tact.

Still, it was difficult to find complete peace. The fact that he had seen our videos, even if he couldn't distribute them like he wanted to, made me feel violated. That was, until I talked to my sister-in-law, Annie. She managed to calm me down enough to show me a different perspective I never saw before.

I should own it, she said. There's nothing to be ashamed of. And she's so damn right. The sextape may show us at our most intimate moments but it was of me and Isaac — the man I love, the man I've been with for almost two years now, living with, and having a child with. Though graphic, it was consensual. It showed two people in love in the throes of passion. And how could they shame me for that?

Since then, I've not stopped thinking of Annie's words. But it didn't really hit me until I was at the hospital already. It was then when I decided to own my entire childbirth experience, too. I no longer wanted to be dependent on morphine to ease my contractions. I wanted to feel every breath I took, and every ache that threatened to suffocate and break me from the inside.

So many times, I wanted to give up, thinking the pain would surely win over me. But Isaac, and the idea that we'd soon be meeting our baby, were what got me through it, only for him to remind me that at the end of the day, it was my body that ultimately what got me through to the othger side. What he doesn't realise is that it had everything to do with him, too, for always having loved me exactly as I am.

As a new mother, I'm learning to never again let anyone shame me for who I am or for how I love. And I'll be damned sure to teach our daughter, Eilidh, that too when the time comes.

[kaiser1ns]

#. DIOSA FROM ORQUÍDEAS ꕥ @17020'S EVENT !

featuring 𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 ıllı. umemiya hajime, togame jo, endo yamato

fluff. a celebration of self-love, empowerment, and confidence. he's always by your side, as if he's in a trance, spoiling you and always having you on his mind. he is more than willing to worship you like the goddess that you are.

i want to give my special thanks to the person to whom all this is due. amor, thank you for the wonderful opportunity, thank you for being such an amazing person, a real goddess! i hope you and everyone else, writing and reading, will enjoy the orquídeas shared with our favourites ♡

UMEMIYA HAJIME

The world could crumble, and the stars could fall from the sky, yet Umemiya Hajime would remain on his feet with a smile on his face and a bouquet in his hand. He'd walk through fire for you, dive into the deepest depths of the ocean, conquer every mountain, plant every seed, just to see his love grow and grow more for you. His eyes will never lose that warm flame, that spark, that burns only for you. You feel it in every glance, every whispered word and every touch. It's almost overwhelming, the intensity of his adoration, but you revel in it. You bask in the warmth of his affection, knowing that you are the center of his universe.

Hajime knows you better than you know yourself. He has memorized the way your eyes light up when you talk about your dreams and the subtle change in your voice when you speak of things that matter most to you. He knows what brings a smile to your face—a particular song, the scent of your favorite flowers, the quiet moments shared in the garden of Eden. He also understands what brings tears to your eyes, the memories that haunt you, and the fears that sometimes creep into your heart. But most importantly, he knows what makes you feel loved, cherished, and adored.

It might be daunting for some, the way he is always attuned to your every need, but for you, it's a comfort. You find joy in his attentiveness, in the way he anticipates your desires before you even voice them. His friends often tease him about how he spends all his time thinking of you, and how he seems to have little room for anything else in his life. But you find it amusing, a proof of the depth of his feelings. They don't understand the bond you share, the unspoken connection that ties your souls together.

You are used to getting what you want. The universe seems to have a way of bending to your will, of aligning itself with your desires. And in Umemiya Hajime, the universe has given you the greatest gift of all. He is the embodiment of love, the very essence of devotion. To you, he is more than a man; he is a force of nature, a manifestation of your deepest dreams and wishes.

Hajime treats you like a goddess, showering you with the kind of love that poets write about and artists strive to capture in their work. You see it in his eyes, a reverence that makes you feel like the most precious being in existence. He is your most fervent admirer. And you, in turn, are his goddess of love, the divine presence that completes him, inspires him and fuels his every action.

“You deserve the world, and I will spend my life giving it to you.”

You've faced heartache and pain in your life, moments that have left scars on your heart. But he has shown you what true love is. He has healed those wounds with his unwavering care, replacing sorrow with joy, and fear with security. With him, you feel safe, cherished, and above all, loved. His love is a salve, a gentle touch that soothes and mends, making you whole again.

Your belief in the law of attraction has never been stronger. You understand now that confidence and a strong sense of self can indeed bring about the desires of your heart. Hajime is living proof of this. With him, you feel empowered, as if the universe itself is conspiring to make your every dream come true.

Every moment with him is a treasure, a precious gem that you hold close to your heart. His love is a melody, a sweet, lingering tune that plays in the background of your life, making everything more beautiful, and more vibrant. You savor the way he looks at you, the way he holds you, the way he whispers your name with such tenderness. It's as if he has unlocked a part of you that you never knew existed, a part that is capable of experiencing the kind of love that transcends time and space.

As you rest your head against his chest, you think about how fortunate you are and how the universe, in its infinite wisdom, has brought you together, intertwining your fates in a dance of love and devotion. And as you gaze into Hajime's eyes, you know with absolute certainty that this is where you are meant to be — you have found your soulmate, your partner, your forever.

TOGAME JO

In his presence, you feel like you're dancing on clouds, weightless and free. The worries of the world dissolve as he takes your hand, pulling you closer. You gaze into his eyes, finding yourself reflected in their depths, and you know that he holds your heart in his hands.

Togame Jo’s love is like a long, beautiful dream, one that you never want to wake from. He tried to play it cool at first, but your presence ignites something within him. You’re so hot, so captivating, that he melts the moment he lays eyes on you. His smile, once reserved and composed, now breaks free with a joy that matches the intensity of his feelings.

You feel his heartbeat in the silence, a steady, rhythmic pulse that syncs with your own. The room fades away, leaving just the two of you in a moment of pure bliss. His wish was granted the moment he found you; the goddess he dreamt of is now in his arms, granting him the greatest gift of all – your love.

He whispers sweet nothings into your ear, his breath warm against your skin. You close your eyes, savoring the sensation, knowing that nothing can stop this. Nothing could keep you apart. He’s giving you his best, his all, and you accept it with open arms. The goddess within you recognizes his devotion, his unwavering commitment. It’s the least you can do to bless him with your fondness, to hold him close and never let go.

"Look into my heart, you���ll find only love there, love for you."

You know he speaks the truth. His love is evident in every gesture, every touch. There’s no need for him to prove himself, for the sincerity in his eyes says it all. The world seems to pause when he wraps his arms around you, holding you as if to shield you from anything that might come between you.

It wasn’t mere chance that you were brought together. The universe had a hand in it, orchestrating your meeting long before you were even aware. Destiny had plans for the two of you, plans that have unfolded beautifully, leading you to this moment. You, the lonely goddess, have found your true companion in Togame, a man who cherishes you beyond measure.

Heaven itself seems to be smiling down on you, as if acknowledging the perfection of your union. You fell from the stars, and he has caught you every single time, never letting you slip away. The temptation to love and be loved by him is irresistible, a sweet promise of happiness that neither of you can deny. You are captivated by the way he loves you, with a devotion that feels both ancient and new, as if you are discovering each other all over again with every shared moment.

In his heart, there is only purness and awe for the goddess who chose him, the one who made him feel and do things in ways he never thought possible. His entire world revolves around this precious connection, a love that feels as eternal as the stars. As he holds you close, he silently thanks the universe for granting him this unparalleled blessing, knowing that every moment with you is like falling in love all over again.

ENDO YAMATO

Endo Yamato’s eyes always seem to find you first. The moment you step into a room, it’s as if the rest of the world fades away, leaving only the two of you. His gaze is intense yet tender, a silent vow that he’s yours—body, mind, and soul. He doesn’t need to say it; it’s an unspoken truth that’s engraved into every touch, every look, every breath you share.

From the very first moment he met you, he knew his life had changed forever. Before you, everything was simple, predictable, almost painfully dull. He was a prodigy, praised and admired by everyone around him. He excelled in everything he did—whether it was academics or sports—leaving people in awe of his talents. But that admiration felt hollow, devoid of any true emotion. He lived his life on autopilot, going through the motions because that’s what was expected of him. He never understood what it meant to feel until you came into his life.

You were different. You didn’t look at him with the same awe-struck eyes that everyone else did. You saw him as an equal, a person with strengths and flaws, not just a prodigy on a pedestal. And when you smiled at him, it wasn’t because of his accomplishments, but because you saw something in him that no one else did. You saw the real Yamato, the one who had never truly been loved for who he was.

It was at that moment, when you reached out to him, that he realized what he had been missing all his life. Love. True, deep, consuming love. And now, he can’t imagine a life without you. He doesn’t want to. You are his muse, his guiding star, the one who painted his world with colors he never knew existed. 

“ I have fallen for you and I’ll never stop loving you. Not in this life, not in the next.”

Yamato is utterly devoted to you, in a way that transcends mere affection. It’s as if he’s in a trance, completely enchanted by you. He follows you with an almost reverent devotion, always by your side, always ready to do whatever it takes to make you happy. You’re his queen, his goddess, and he’s more than willing to worship you as such. Every glance from you is a command, every smile a reward he strives to earn over and over again.

He never hesitates to spoil you, to shower you with affection and gifts, to do whatever it takes to see that smile on your face. He lives for your happiness, and when you’re pleased, it feels like the world is exactly as it should be. They say you must have enchanted him, that there’s something otherworldly about the way he adores you. But you know the truth. It’s love, pure and simple, a love so deep that it has reshaped his very soul.

And in return, you adore him just as fiercely. You love the way he looks at you as if you’re the center of his universe. You love the way he always knows exactly what you need, what you want. You love how he’s always there, he is someone you can always rely on. With him, you feel cherished, and treasured, as if you are the most important person in the world. And in his eyes, you are.

You can see how he’s grown, how he’s learned to love, to care, to feel, all because of you. You’ve opened his heart, and now it beats only for you. He’s like a butterfly, drawn irresistibly to your sweet scent, caught in the web of your love, and he doesn’t want to escape. He’s fallen for you, completely and irrevocably, and he couldn’t be happier.

He believes he was born to worship you, to be by your side, to love you with everything he has. And you, in turn, have learned to accept his devotion, to revel in it, because you know it’s what you deserve. You are his queen, his goddess, and he will spend the rest of his life proving that he is worthy of you. You are his everything, and he is yours.

It’s not about ego, or power, or control. It’s about love, a love that is deep and true, a love that binds you together in a way that nothing else can. You feel him shudder slightly in your arms, as you pull back just enough to look into his eyes and see tears welling up, but then he relaxes, the tension easing as he lets himself be vulnerable with you. He cries, not out of sadness, but out of pure, unadulterated joy. Еach tear is real, showing how it flows into the deepest oceans of his devotedness, which overflows into the waters of true love.

©2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work

[buddierecs]

eddie diaz centric buddie fics

all of these are general audience, teen and up or not rated (no smut) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

let's hear it for the boy (my fav fic of all time, i will rec this until i die) by: hattalove "in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order." word count: 56k important tags: self-discovery, coming out, friends to lovers, getting together, gay disaster!eddie diaz give your heart and soul to charity by: 42hrb "eddie dumps God, gets some more therapy, accepts parts of himself he was taught to hate, loves his best friend, and loves himself." word count: 12k important tags: therapy, catholic guilt, emotional hurt/comfort, pining, getting together, minor buck/tommy got me feeling like it's all it's gonna be okay by: wafflesofdoom "eddie struggles to voice his want for physical affection to buck as their relationship turns romantic, and buck helps him embrace his clinginess again." word count: 8.3k important tags: established relationship, ptsd, fluff, light angst counting pulses by: tinyydancerr "eddie diaz’s life is going great. he’s in therapy, he’s got a great girlfriend, a great kid, his friend is getting married to the woman of his dreams, and his best friend just came out to him. how his best friend is dating their new friend. things are going great. he promises." word count: 63k important tags: ocd, catholic guilt, co-parenting, emotional infidelity, therapy, coming out, pining, slow burn and we're back...in the car again by: beulaugh "buck gives christopher permission to finally watch jurassic park, and it sends eddie down a feelings spiral." word count: 11k important tags: feelings realisation, fluff, oblivious!eddie diaz, christopher diaz has two dads wrap me in your love by: kiwibuckley "five times eddie uses a weighted blanket, plus the one time he doesn’t need too." word count: 16k important tags: touch starved!eddie diaz, therapy, comfort, friends to lovers, minor buck/tommy, fluff, oblivious!buddie, nightmares things you don't say reach me somehow anyways by: siblysleaves "eddie tells the family he chose how much they mean to him. all of them except one" word count: 14k important tags: therapy, love confessions, team as family, getting together, first kiss lucky just to linger in your light by: hattalove "in which eddie accidentally waxes poetic about buck to the new york times." word count: 4.9k important tags: pining, getting together, gay disaster!eddie diaz no kingdom to come by: waywardrenegades "when his father experiences a health scare, eddie flies to el paso." word count: 23k important tags: friends to lovers, mutual pining, love confessions, light angst, getting together her real name was grief by: justhockey "the shattered fragments of his ribcage have been rattling around inside of him like a warning siren: you can hear his heartbreak from a mile away. And now - here in his living room, in front of chimney - eddie let’s go...." word count: 5.8k important tags: post 6x11, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, love confessions, getting together, mutual pining the archer (this is a series with fics that have multiple ratings but i am putting it in anyways) by: nonalovesyou eddie repeats his affirmations in the mirror every morning, while he shaves the stubble from his jaw. 'my name is eddie diaz. i am autistic. i am gay. i am a good dad and i am a good person. i deserve to be happy and i deserve to feel good.' (it's taken him a long to be able to say it outside of his head. It's taken him an even longer time to say it and believe it.) word count: 146k important tags: autistic!eddie diaz, therapy, ptsd, falling in love

you wonder why i'm bitter by: simplyylupin “me and buck had sex,” he blurts. hen stares at him for a long time. “i'm going to need wine for this conversation, aren't i?” he nods meekly." word count: 3.9k important tags: pre-relationship, getting together, tommy bashing, miscommunication, pining, jealous!eddie diaz it's always on the tip of my tongue by: allyasavedtheday "eddie diaz vs the great romance paradigm." word count: 17k important tags: demisexual!eddie diaz, therapy, emotional hurt/comfort, character study, season 7, falling in love

[beannoss]

So, as I'm writing more than I anticipated when I first dipped a toe into SxF fandom (!) I thought I'd collect the meta & fic links in one place! 💕 (not spoiler-free :)

META

Endo describes Twilight as 'matter of fact' rather than 'kind': there's a profound philosophy embedded in that sentiment.

… that matter-of-factness manifests in ways that are, almost unerringly, kind. Twilight values consent, he values empowerment for those around him (with some limits, if they impinge on his mission), he privately espouses and practices other values that align with progressive ideologies, like feminism and the rights of the child. Obviously he's 100% antifa and anti-war. One could argue (and perhaps this is what Endo means) that Twilight makes those decisions because they often result in the path of least resistance, making his job easier. And okay, maybe. Except...

Anya isn’t needed for Strix. Twilight decides to adopt her anyway.

Twilight decides it — “I’m going to rework the mission so it doesn’t involve a child because that’s too dangerous” and he’s 100% right! Donovan Desmond is canonically a far right warmonger with fascistic authoritarian aims... Also it turns out Anya’s a person which is frankly unacceptable — Twilight had needed and anticipated an automaton, ideally of himself in miniature form... So having entertained this change, why go back when his reasoning is indisputable?

Let's get deep into analysing the meaning behind the choice of the word Forger for our family's last name

[Create (a relationship or new conditions)] can be taken as a whole within the Forger household, after all Twilight did create the Forgers. But more importantly to me, this meaning applies particularly by way of what Anya and Yor are doing within the family, their choices and aims, and how they’re influencing and shaping the Forgers. And then, of course, Twilight’s choices in return, both under the explicit guise of for the mission and those times when the mission is curiously (ahem) absent from or delayed in his thought process.

What moment(s) cinched it for Twilight to start developing feelings for Yor?

It's entirely in keeping with Yor's character, and it's an entirely revealing moment of who she is. And I think this is the moment for Twilight. He's already been trusting her bit by bit, as he says above, intuitively. I'd suggest that maybe even more than that though, Yor taps into something Twilight deeply wants: backup. Someone and somewhere safe. Maybe we could describe a person fulfilling that role in an adult relationship as a partner...?

What about a Twilight x Yor romance, pre-reveal, in canon? (Ask response)

... because I think it would undermine character arcs and dominant themes. Twilight’s arc involves finding and forging a new pack, a new family. Somewhere safe and loving... A big part of this safety and love for Twilight is about being accepted, warts and all... Yor’s arc is also around finding love and security, but centred less around acceptance (although that obviously also explicitly features!) and more around self-worth and understanding her value.

FIC

Let's start living dangerously (T, Complete)

The real reason Twilight was in the park drilling Bond unnecessarily and covertly training Franky very necessarily, was that Twilight was enacting what he'd called The Avoidance Protocol. And was consequently avoiding his wife. In which Twilight kisses Yor and absolutely does not panic about it.

Twilight x Yor. Post-reveal, humour, fluff, mutual pining, romance, and lots of thinking and lots of feelings. Also flirts with 'idiots in love', I'll have to add that tag...!

It's only me, what have you got to lose? (M, WIP, current primary focus)

Loid asked, “Are you willing to follow my lead?” Why — why did that question make her so angry? It was a practical question in the circumstances. It wasn’t one Yor was typically asked but it wasn’t so far outside the norm. And, a part of her which felt very small added, she had happily followed Loid's lead on many things over the months, without question, trusting his kind eyes, his calming practicality, his seeming abiding normality — But. What did any of that mean any longer? In which the Forger house of cards collapses, and with everything that matters in the balance, the value of normal becomes an open negotiation.

Began with me wanting to explore Yor finding out about Twilight, and has, um, expanded. Yor x Twilight. Identity reveals, angst and fluff, hurt/comfort (emotional and physical), touch starvation, lots of feelings, intimacy, some humour (ah, eventually), and the building of something real.

heartlines (T, one-shot complete)

Hello? Appeared on the soft part of the back of his hand, between his thumb and forefinger. He shouldn't have seen it except that something scorching had torn, had burnt, his glove away and he only just noticed that, the way the fabric had curled and crisped and as he stared, as his heart rate went higher and higher — What did that? Could I have lost my hand?! — more words appeared. I could really — this was crossed out— if — crossed out, but then again — if you're — this was then crossed out as well, but the scribbles didn't disappear, just words on his hand with frantic, messy lines through them until one remained unsullied — can we talk?

Soulmark: Anything you write or draw on your own skin appears in the same place on your soulmate.

Twilight x Yor. Based on a prompt from this list of soulmate prompts, canon divergence if there existed soulmarks in the SxF world. Pre-relationship, sort of epistolary until it very suddenly isn't 😊

our melodies overlapped (T, WIP, currently backburnered)

Twilight prided himself on accepting situational changes swiftly and with equanimity. Said swiftness was presently three minutes overdue, and equanimity hadn’t reported for duty. Four times it was for the mission + one time it was for The Mission + one time it was for —

Twilight character study basically! Family-orientated, some Twilight x Yor. Backburnered in part because it's actually led me to disagreeing with myself 😂 and I'll probably need to rework it.

Twilight journaling short fic (T, complete)

After Strix, when the Forgers are well established, no secrets between them, Twilight starts journaling. Obviously this is a security risk, so he creates an elaborate cipher. He tests it on Franky. He tests it on the cipher-breakers at WISE. He even feeds some to the SSS. None break it. Satisfied, he starts to journal. Twilight's journaling time is something he starts to jealously protect; given how much it means to him and helps him process things, Yor starts to protect it jealously, too.

[curiouspupsicle]

Good Omens Fan Fic Friday Recommendations (11/22/24)

When I first started reading Good Omens fan fics, I strongly resisted reading Human AUs. For me, the joy of the Good Omens universe was its exploration of issues of morality and philosophy through the interactions of a certain angel and demon. And their relationships with their respective bureaucracies. What could I possible get from stories about human versions of Aziraphale and Crowley that I couldn't get from other literature? Boy, was I stupid. Over time, I came to appreciate writers who use the shorthand of Crowley's and Aziraphale's characterizations in a new, human setting. And opened myself to a delightful world of surprising stories. So here are a few Human AU recommendations that totally surprised me. And gave me a new appreciation for this segment of fan fic. The first Human AU that sucked me in was Postcards from Paris (G) by ghostrat. Crowley is drawn into the postcards that arrive in his apartment for a previous resident. He ends up striking up his own correspondence with Aziraphale in response. I love epistolary fics. And I actually do write notes and postcards. So how could I not be charmed? The next (and most impressive) Human AU I read was The False and the Fair (E) by Princip1914. It kept turning up in recommendations. I avoided it until it was the choice for a Tumblr fan fic reading group. Aziraphale is the son of a mine owner in Appalachia; Crowley is a mine worker. Terrible mistakes made and atoned for. Very realistic for the setting and time period (1980s). In the Reptile House (T) by waywarder features Aziraphale trying to get over his fear of snakes by visiting the reptile house at the zoo. Crowley is the zookeeper who helps him. What makes it stand out is the writer directly addressing the reader in their own voice to encourage. "Rosie doesn’t owe any of us a damn thing. No animal does. They’re not here to entertain us. They’re just here. And maybe you don’t owe anyone anything either. You’re just here, too, and that’s enough, I promise." Fluff. Lovely, lovely fluff. Why would I ever want to read a fan fic about Formula 1 racing? I'm not a fan. I don't even own a car. The only mode of transport I own is a sailboat with a top speed of 6 mph/9.6 kph). But Sit Tight, Take Hold (E) by nieded sucked me into a multipart story about international car racing. The deep level of research and accompanying fan artwork made this world very compelling. Totally surprised at how it lured me in and kept me interested.

If you told me 6 months ago I'd rave about an explicit fan fic about a sex worker falling in love with a client, I'd have thought you were crazy. But GayDemonicDisaster really surprised me with Hired Heart (E). Somehow, they manage to avoid the worst abuses of this kind of story. And created a positive depiction of empowerment, self-care, safe boundaries, disabled sex, the rights of sex workers, etc. All of this hangs on a sweet story about Aziraphale, closeted to the age of 50, hiring sex worker Crowley to help him gain confidence and experience before entering the dating world. I'd call it sex positive education in a narrative framework. And finally, some fics surprise you just by being terribly, terribly sweet. That's the case for Our Homeward Steps Were Just as Light (T) by On1OccasionFork. Crowley is a mischievous resident of a senior care home who could use a friend. He finds one when Aziraphale is assigned the room next door. I plan to suggest fics every Friday linked by an idiosyncratic theme of my own devising. Follow if you like what you see and want to see more.

[glitterforashes]

𝐛𝐞𝐣𝐞𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐝 ; 𝐚𝐳𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐥 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

>> fluff, revenge fic, healing, self-empowerment, woman empowerment, women, just women, i love women, regaining self confidence. when i tell ya’ll that i squealed when i got this idea, i SQUEALED. originally this was just gonna be like an az x reader fight fic, but this is much better. the ending kinda sucks so excuse that!!! hope you enjoy<3

“you look.. beautiful.” azriel said, watching as you descended the winding staircase in one of rhys’ many estates, holding up your skirts gingerly. your face shone brighter than stars in the sky as you stepped softly onto the landing pad of the stairs, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “promise..?” your soft voice was hardly above a whisper compared to the sound of wind raging outside, slamming against the walls and scratching at the windows. “always.” azriel extended his hand to you. you took it.

tonight was the annual gala held for the courts. every year a high lord would host the gathering in their court, and every other lord was free to attend and invite whoever they pleased. it was the night courts turn to host, right around the time of solstice— which meant you and your lover had spent very little time together in the last few weeks. very, very little time. rhysand had been running around like a chicken with his head cut off for days, planning an entire months worth of festivities, and of course azriel was one to help with that.

you had offered to help, but were turned down. “just stay here and look pretty.” cassian had said. the scowl you gifted him in return was angry enough to keep the room warm for several days. needless to say, you spent the first week pouting in your room. but now the time had come to celebrate and flaunt all the things your high lord had accomplished in the short time he had owned such a title. you wore a dark crimson dress, dangly pearl earrings, and multiple dainty white bracelets. your dress dipped generously between your breasts, stopping above your belly button, the back was open— putting your spine tattoo on display. the fabric was long, pooling around your ankles and dragging a bit on the floor in the back. azriel wore a black suit with a crimson undershirt and had little pearls keeping the cuffs of his sleeves in place.

azriel’s thumb rubbed the back of your hand in slow circles as he gazed down at you. you watched every thought he had run across his eyes like a film before he shook himself out of whatever stupor he was in. “are you ready?” he whispered, giving your hand a little squeeze. “as i’ll ever be.”

azriel brought your hand to his mouth and placed three gentle kisses across your knuckles, slowly, letting you feel the warmth and love behind each one. you felt tears well up in your eyes, which you quickly blinked away. “don’t make me cry my mascara off.” you mumbled, and az chuckled. he gripped your hand in his and placed his free hand on your lower back, urging you closer to him. you closed your eyes, felt the whip of wind and cold and calm swipe across your face before you were surrounded by flitting chatter and clinking of glasses and slow, soft music.

the gala. az had winnowed you both there, to that ballroom under the mountain, right at the foot of the thrones. you looked up to rhysand and feyre, giving a little curtsy and curt bow of your head. they nodded in acknowledgement before cassian clinked a fork to his champagne glass, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. the music slowed to a stop as you met the eyes of nearly three hundred people. you just knew helion had invited way more than he was meant to. azriel sensed your nerves and squeezed your hand subtly, giving you a glance out of the corner of his eye. “ladies and gentleman, high lord and high lady of the night court.”

rhysand and feyre rose from their thrones, both adorned in black fabrics and crowns. you felt your heart swell with adoration, fighting to keep a toothy smile from breaking out on your face. everyone in the room bowed down as you squeezed azriel’s hand back. some further than others. “shadowsinger of the night court.” cassian announced. azriel stepped forward and stood on rhysand’s left, gazing out at the crowd with a blank, intimidating expression. you felt a warmth spread through your lower stomach, a warmth you were quick to stifle. you couldn’t even fathom how embarrassing it would be if the scent of your arousal filled the room. surrounded by his shadows, he stood there, looking so tough and so.. beautiful. like an angel of death.

“court overseer, of the night court.” morrigan stepped up and stood on feyre’s right, resting her hands neatly in front of her. she looked smug, and you knew she was making eye contact with beron. she was beautiful, adorned in a scarlett red dress that did very little to cover any part of her body and multiple pieces of dainty gold jewelry. a type of beautiful you could only wish to be. “high lord of the night court’s second-in command.” amren took a graceful seat in front of morrigan positioned slightly to the side, her legs drawn close to her and tilted at a sideways angle, giving her a look of feline elegance. one slip and she would be exposed to the entire room. it occurred to you in that moment that every one of the females of the night court was dressed… very little. the thought made a smirk quirk up on your lips.

“maid of honor of the night court.” cassian announced finally. you stood a little taller as you ascended the steps, your hips moving sensually as found your spot in front of azriel on the second level stair, positioning your legs the same way amren had. you raised your chin high, the way morrigan had taught you. a year ago she had said to you, “when you feel like nothing, pretend you’re everything.” you took that advice to heart. you felt azriel’s shadows reach out to caress you, just barely stopping themselves before they got to the back of your neck.

“and finally, war general of the night court.” rhysand’s voice chimed, springing an air of nonchalant amusement and dominance through the room. all rose and began applause as you sat, basking in it like a cat in a ray of sunlight. the tension you had unknowingly wound up in your shoulders released as azriel’s shadows wrapped around you, caressing your waist and hips and the valley between your breasts.

the night progressed smoothly for the next two hours. you made idle chatter with visiting occupants and had a few glasses of wine on your rounds. feyre and rhysand stayed perched on their thrones until midnight, accepting praise and offerings and casual conversations. once the clock struck midnight, it was time for you to give your speech. rhysand had recruited you to do it this year, for what reason, you didn’t know.

you ascended the steps to their thrones and bowed your head, giving a kind smile. rhysand and feyre stepped to the side, standing beside their thrones so you could be directly in the middle of all the attention. amongst the socializing, nobody had noticed that you now stood before them, nervous and shaky. you smoothed your hands across the fabric of your dress, your shoulders tensing again. you met azriel’s eyes across the room. he raised an eyebrow at you, questioning. you flared your eyelids, he tilted his head, you shook yours, he gave a face, you frowned. you communicated like that until a smile broke out on your lips, forcing you to lick them and try to stifle it.

azriel raised his wine glass and clicked a fork against it, drawing all eyes to you. suddenly it felt like you decided to jump naked into the sidra at peek population hours of the day. “uhm..” you started, looking behind you to rhysand and feyre for guidance. they gave encouraging nods and a wink, enough for you to loosen your shoulders and do a little wiggle to get rid of the nerves. you cleared your throat quietly and brought your hands in front of you, standing poised and presentable, how a lady of the night court should stand.

“welcome to the night court.” you said simply. soft applause came from the crowd, and you smiled. it was going good so far. to be honest, you hadn’t prepared this speech at all. you were just gonna have to start pulling things out of your butt. “how’s everybody’s night going?” you asked. there was louder clapping and some whooping that you were certain came from helion. you shook your head, smiling a smile azriel’s heart nearly stopped beating for.

“i’m going to be honest, i didn’t prepare this speech.” laughter. you smiled wider. okay, this was good. they were liking you. “i won’t keep you for much longer though, i promise. i just wanted to invite all of you to feel as comfortable as possible— without breaking our possessions of course.” you smirked and carried on, saying basic formalities before launching into how amazing it was to be part of rhysand’s court, how you were honored to host the gala this year. “before i step down, i’d just like to say—“ you stopped as your eyes met green. there he was, in the right hand side of the middle row, sipping deeply from his wine glass.

your worst nightmare. he never attended the galas, never volunteered to host. you felt frozen as memories began flashing violently behind your eyes. when you had first started out working for rhysand, you were assigned to make peace with the spring court. you met tamlin, high lord of the spring court— and he quickly became your secret lover. this was of course, many many years ago, but the whisper of him never quite left your mind.

he had destroyed you and built you up in ways you couldn’t describe. he’d kiss your lips and simultaneously pull your hair, tell you how beautiful you were while telling you that no one would ever love you the way he did. would buy you glorious gifts while cutting you off from your family and friends, keeping you trapped in his estate all the time. would tell you lies and spin your mind so that you’d only ever feel safe in his violent arms. rhysand had rescued you some hundred years ago and promised to never send you back to that horrible place.

you realized that you were still in the spotlight and had been gaping for a good six seconds. you looked desperately for azriel’s eyes, your eyebrows furrowing up in worry. you found his gaze in a heartbeat. his eyebrows creased. ‘what’s wrong?’ he asked you, communicating in the way only you two could. you tore your gaze away from his and cleared your throat, smiling a shaky smile. you spoke in a wobbly voice and your knees buckled as you willed yourself not to look at tamlin or azriel. instead, you found the arched doorway in the back of the room to be particularly interesting.

“uh, everyone have a great night and please eat the food we’ve provided because we will not be able to finish it all.” you gave one more smile as applause erupted from the crowd and boisterous music picked up. the second the attention was off of you, you picked up your skirt and rushed into the crowd, forcing your way through to azriel. you were swept into a dance before you knew what was happening. a hand took yours and another met your waist. you blinked and suddenly you were following an upbeat choreography like second nature. you had learned it years ago, with azriel as your dance partner. but when you looked up, it wasn’t azriel you were dancing with.

it was tamlin. you felt bile rise up viciously in your throat. he smelled the same, looked the same. you didn’t miss the way he held you tighter than he needed to, his fingertips digging into your waist and back of your hand. “(y/n).” he said, but his voice wasn’t warm like when you first met him. it was cold and entirely devoid of emotion. “tamlin.” you swallowed thickly, trying to force down the junk pile of emotions that threatened to explode out of your mouth and eyes. “that was some speech you gave.” he said, guiding you around the room as you two danced, twirling and stepping and swaying in sync. you didn’t respond. your eyes left his to try and find azriel through the blur of dancing bodies around you.

“look at me when i speak to you.” his voice growled, and you looked to him without giving it too much thought. it was as if he was your owner and you a dog, programmed to follow his every order without hesitation. “good girl.. you haven’t lost your training yet.” he smirked, sinister and disgusting and so gut-churning you nearly wanted to scream for help. he made you feel so degraded with so few words, you fought and lost to the tears welling up in your eyes.

you didn’t respond. his expression fell into a blank slate and he stared at you, through you, as he spun you faster with the crescendo of the music. you willed yourself to steel your heart and paint your face with aloofness, trying to pretend like you weren’t affected by him, by his presence, by his cold fingers against your skin. your nostrils flared in the way they always did when you were trying not to cry. “are you having fun being a night court whore?” he asked. your eyes flicked to his immediately, wide with shock. “oh, excuse my poor manners. i just couldn’t help but notice your choice of.. clothing.” he said, flitting distasteful eyes towards your dress.

“the night court is my home.” you said, voice firm and threatening. “i am not a whore of it, and you will not speak to me that way in my. home.” your words shocked you, you had never stood up to him before. but as your lips continued moving, you felt an awful sort of dark hatred start in your toes and spread, filling your entire body until it felt like it was going to crawl out of your throat and slit tamlin’s wide open. your face felt hot and you were shaking, stumbling as the dance abruptly stopped.

your eyes flicked from the floor to his, and you swear you saw him flinch. “how dare you?” you asked, voice hardly above a whisper. it felt like the storm from outside was in your skull now, whipping around so violently you couldn’t hear or think. your eyes were wild with rage as they stared into tamlin’s. your fingers were digging into his skin now as you tried to keep the violence that rose inside of you at bay. “how. fucking. dare you?” you asked again, raising your voice. he stared, expression void of emotion. “after..” you could barely breathe, borderline hyperventilating as you began giggling, a manic fit of disbelief putting itself into play.

you swallowed hard, laughing now. your eyes were wild still, but with something different. something worse. “after all you’ve done to me. after the years i spent running from you, trying to forget.. you think,” you push your fingernail accusingly against his chest, hard. “you think you can come into MY home and speak to me like THAT?” you laugh, a hiccuping, uncoordinated laugh that was anything but humorous. “fuck you, tamlin.” you sneer, chest rising and falling hard as you breathe, unable to stop your lips. “fuck you, and you’re godsdamned fucking face, and your mean hands, and your need to control fucking everything.”

you pushed him back with one finger, stalking towards him as he backed up. you were pushing him toward the door without realizing it, people were parting like minos for a shark, but you didn’t notice. you could barely see, think, hear anything but the storm. you looked like a wildfire flame, the anger radiating off of you could heat the room. “this is MY. HOME.” you yelled, voice full and boisterous in the way his was everytime he had threatened to kill you. “and you are NOT welcome in it ever FUCKING again, so just GET OUT!”

you screamed at him, and then it stopped. the storm, the noise, the emotions, all of it. it all disappeared. you looked up at him with teary, confused eyes, your body trembling like an autumn leaf in the wind. “just get out.” you whispered, voice shaking as you pointed at the door his back was nearly against. he squared his jaw and shoulders in the way he always did when he knew he lost, and turned. “fuck you too, (y/n).” he tore the door open and slipped through it, slamming it so hard on the way out it rattled the entire ballroom.

silence. there was loud, horrible silence. your hair a mess, tears running down your cheeks, you turned towards the guests of the ball. they stared at you like you had just unleashed one of the beginning time beasts. your entire body broke out into a cold sweat, you couldn’t stop shaking. shaking, why were you shaking? you scanned less than half the room before azriel was in front of you, cupping your face in his hands. “(y/n).”

you broke. you threw yourself into his arms and crumpled, ugly, hot, fat tears flowing down your face. in his arms is where you realized how scared you were, how scared you had been. if it had been any different, if it had been in any other court.. tamlin would have killed you. very slowly did your ears begin to register the applause, the deafening applause that rattled off of every wall in the room. you detached your puffy, tear-streaked face from azriel’s chest and looked around, met the faces of every court member clapping and cheering for you.

you looked up at azriel confused. he held a hand firm on your lower back and grinned softly down at you. he put his hand softly on the back of your head and pushed it against him, holding you and your shock at bay. “never liked that prick anyway!” helion shouted from across the room, earning boisterous laughter from a group of males and females. cassian rushed towards you and swept you away from azriel, leading you back to the thrones. morrigan patted your dress down and messily wiped mascara stains off your face the best she could with her thumb and some saliva. you laughed, confused, but happy. your heart was thundering in your chest.

“ladies and gentleman,” cassian announced loudly, gesturing widely to you like you were a showcase painting. “maid of honor!”

the applause that erupted from the crowd almost moved you to tears again. you met azriel’s eyes and he grinned, sending an expression of admiration towards you that spoke a thousand and one words.

- extra ! -

two weeks later, it was the night of winter solstice. you, the entire inner circle, and elain were sitting around the fireplace, exchanging gifts and sipping wine and recalling stories from the year passed. with all the wine in your system, you didn’t notice when azriel slipped away from you. “okay, okay! my turn.” feyre said. “this is to you, (y/n).” she said. she motioned to the staircase, where azriel stood. next to him was a flat box about as large as him covered with a silk black curtain.

azriel cleared his throat, and you could tell he was nervous, though his facade hadn’t changed to the naked eye. “(y/n)..” he said. “i love you, and everyone else loves you. you are the strongest, most beautiful female i’ve ever seen. happy solstice..” he removed the cloth from the box and in front of you stood a painting of you at the gala, victorious, incredulous look on your face, mascara stains on your cheeks and all, being held up by cassian and mor as every court cheered for you.

your hands flew over your mouth as your eyes welled with tears, the tipsiness making you overly emotional. you stood and rushed to feyre, nearly knocking her backwards as you wrapped her in a hug. “it’s so beautiful! thank you so much..” you cried as azriel came up behind you and placed a hand on the small of your back, crouching down to sit next to the pile of you and feyre.

you turned and tossed yourself messily into his arms as everyone began making fun of you; with the exception of amren who was trying to find herself in the painting. “i love you azriel.” you sniffled. he lifted your chin and grinned down at you softly, pressing his lips against your cheek. he whispered against your skin, bringing your head to his chest. “i love you too, darling.”

[avaseofpeonies]

A Drink Before Battle ~ Intro

Genres: Fantasy, Romance, LGBTQ+, BL, Yaoi, Drama

Age rating: 18+ (violence, strong language, sexual content)

Status: Main story complete (70,000 words/ 47 chapters), One extra chapter (more coming someday)

Availability: Free to read on Scribblehub, Wattpad, AO3, Inkitt, and Ritoria

Story Tag: #adbb avp

Summary:

General Sevei is of the firm opinion that Nobles are shady and Alchemists even shadier. Noble Alchemists are the absolute worst. He is not looking forward to partnering with one to guard the border. Upon their introduction, though, it would seem they have already met... under very intimate circumstances.

Oh...,****

Set in the same world as Salvage, but we're going back in time for some Medieval sword and sorcery!

This wholesome, happy-endings-all-around, smutty queer fantasy romance features an M/M main couple along with a host of supporting characters bringing some trans rep, some pan rep, some sex worker positivity, and even a straight ally who tries his darndest, bless his little puppy heart.

Plenty of fluff, plenty of sexy times, a few funny bits, and our gang do all make it through the Horrors - but there is a war on, so there's also plenty of angst and a bit of bloody violence along the way.

More details below!

MC: General Zarayan Sevei, 31, brown hair, brown eyes, regular guy

ML: General Yeresym Urskatha, 28, platinum blonde, green eyes, Alchemist (magic user)

Couple Dynamics: Enthusiastic MC x reluctant ML, normal x paranormal, sunshine x grumpy, outgoing x reserved (dog/cat), experienced x inexperienced, vers couple

POV: MC only, 3rd person past

Setting: Fantasy World, Medieval, Military camp

Magic system ~ Qi-type innate spiritual energy (called Ethereal Energy in story). Can be wielded physically, harnessed to fuel technologies, or (more rarely) combined with ritual practices for more esoteric applications.

Themes: individual vs. self, individual vs. society, LGBTQ+ themes, identity, self image, love, sexuality, friendship, loyalty, courage, cooperation, guilt, mental health, empowerment, sex worker positivity, social class/privilege, change vs. tradition, violence, war, prejudice

Tropes: western fantasy influenced by xianxia danmei, enemies (antagonists) to lovers, secret identities, mistaken assumptions, forced proximity, workplace romance, brothel scenes, outdoor bathing, magical sex, opposites attract, side couples, (almost) everyone is queer, found family, band of misfits, fluff, comedic undertone, humor as a coping mechanism, danger/rescue, hurt/comfort, traumatic past, toxic family, angst w/HE, avenging dead loved ones, damsel in distress, magic battles, overpowered villain, aristocracy/nobility, handsome prince

Vibes/Mood: plot with smut, varies from fluffy and comedic to sexy to dark and angsty, but with a happy ending

Content Warnings: Genre typical violence, explicit sexual content, homophobic society, internalized homophobia, internalized transphobia (supporting character), war veteran ptsd, slavery (supporting character – no mistreatment of this character is depicted and sentiments are anti-slavery).

[valuunit]

Cornerstone. i

Harry Styles x Reader

Inspired/based by the Arctic Monkeys’ song by the same name.

Content: Fluff to Angsty. Use of people to move on? Really shity environment. Use of Y/n. Use of she/her pronouns, sorry :(

Disclaimer: English is not my first lenguaje so if there’s any mistake i’m sorry, i’ll try to correct it. Don’t mind the face claims, they are just for illustrative purposes xd. Also, some dates are mixed up, so the real life time line would be a little bit affected.

3rd person narrator.

2010

Y/n and Harry were their lifetime sweethearts. That’s what everyone around them said.

They were inseparable, always sat next to each other in class when they had the opportunity. Always were their prom date. Always at each others house. Even convince their parents to make last minute changes to their summer vacations, just to be together.

Since they were kids, they had a sweet spot for one another. With the time, their innocent and adorable relationship had evolved into a less platonic one, still very adorable though.

As teenagers do, they started exploring new forms of seeing the world around them, including the relationships they have, re-evaluating everything about them. Including their close friendship, of course.

Harry started watching his friend into a more intense way, you could say. Starting with more superficial stuff like her physique. For example: her face wasn’t so round now, although he kind of misses her puffy red cheeks. Or her new style, with more experimental outfits that make her shine, as well as her body.

But what really made him fell head over heals for her was her new empowerment. When she was younger, she was shy and passive, always giving in for people choices over her. People perceived it as kindness and sweetness, but Harry knew her, knew how sometimes she wanted to speak out loud and protest, but always was afraid of what they will say. Over the course of years of ‘fake it 'till you make it’ and self improvement, she finally doesn’t care about the destructive opinions of other, having a lot of confidence in herself.

On the other hand Y/n also founded herself in a dilemma about Harry Edward Styles. How his sweet personality made her feel loved and wanted, important. How he was in her process of improving her self esteem and always was there to help, not only her, but others. And speaking of physical appearance, he also changed, his jaw was prominent now, he was getting more and more tall everyday.

“What’re you thinkin’ about?” his deep voice interrupted her string of thought.

“You know, the immortality of the crab” she put her head back on his shoulder, which shook a little bit as he let out a chuckle. They were watching to the nothing from her bedroom’s window.

“I wanna to tell you something.” Harry’s voice sounded unsure for a second. Y/n raised her head again, watching his eyes, before she could said anything he continued “Please, please promise me that you’re not going to get upset”

“What did you do Styles?” she joked, but he didn’t laughed at that. “ ‘S everything okay?” she asked in a more serious tone.

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s alright. It’s just… I-I” he let a pause to reorder his sentence. “We’ve been friend for a long time-”

“Y/n/n! Omg look!” Y/n’s sister entered with no warning. She erupted from the door and practically jumped to the bed, getting between Harry and Y/n.

Her older and only sister was holding her phone with the biggest smile you could see in someone, ear to ear.

“Why’d you look like the Joker?” Y/n laughed, Harry also let out a quiet laugh.

“Shush, look! Oh, hey Harry” the other one greet friendly. Harry only shook his head.

“Am. What am I suppose to look?”asked the younger in the room asked.

“Remember Walter, the guy you gave me advise for?”

“Oh, okay, this is Walt.”

“Yeah, he asked me out!”

“Yep, I see.”

“And all because of you! Than you, thank you!”

“No problem, always here to help, baby girl.” Y/n brushed her fist with her chin giving and wink. Harry wanted to laugh out loud so hard since moment one, but this killed him.

“I should start planning what to wear”

“Definitely!” everyone and everything in that room could see the sarcasm in Y/n’s voice, expect for her sister, apparently. Y/n wasn’t trying to be rude, well, a little, but she was annoyed of always hearing her sister only talking about boys. She could talk about girls also, Y/n thought.

Like her sister entered that’s how she went out of it.

“What were you trying to tell me again? Sorry about her” she directed her eye towards his.

“Uhm, nothing, it was nothing.”

“I don’t think so… tell me.” she began to insist. She was curious.

“No” he said calmly.

“Tell me.” again, this time she got up from the bed.

“No…” he said unsure of her next move.

“Tell… me…” she was getting close to him again, with a pillow, which he didn’t realized when or where did she grab it.

“No…” he let out a nervous chuckle. Getting further into the bed.

“You’re gonna get that attitude with me, huh, Styles?”

“What are you taking’ about” he said laughing.

“Come here.” she also got into the bed, being on top of him. She forgot about the pillow, beginning to tickle Harry. Both giggling, every now and then screaming. Very open to interpretation, to be fair.

“Stop it. Sto-op” he begged laughing, obviously.

“No, ‘till you tell me what were you were about to tell me.” her breathing was heavy, for the laugh and for the activity.

“Agh, all-right” laugh “just let me g-o”

“Okay” she raises from her core, didn’t realizing she still was straddling him.

He let a deep sigh laying in the bed, putting his hands over his forehead looking at the ceiling. That catches Y/n’s full attention. “I’ve been thinking ‘bout a lot of things-“

“What in the hell‘s going on here?”

“For fuck sake!”

“Y/n!”

“Mum!”

“Harry?”

“Mum?”

“Both of you, get out of that bed.”

It was their mothers. Anne and your mum. They were at the fully open door, with dropped jaws. Now they realized the compromising position in which they were found.

“I-It’s not what it lo-looks like” A very flustered Harry stuttered quickly. Y/n rolled her eyes at the sentence.

“What it was supposed to look like?” you muttered.

“Pardon me?” your mum asked. “You, young lady, don’t realize what you were doing? Here, all alone, with a guy, that you-” she stopped herself before speaking more than she should, Y/n also saw what was about to come if she didn’t stop. “A guy. In your bed?”

“Mum, you know Harry. He’s not just ‘a guy’ you know him and you know me, we wouldn’t to anything.”

Anne and Harry remanded in silence. But the looks that the woman was giving her son were scary enough.

“We just want you to be more respectful. Alright?” Your mum breathed.

“Yeah, okay, we know it.” Y/n said.

“Harry, i think’s time to go home, come on.” Anne said going to the other side of the bed, where the younger ones were.

“I, can you give us a minute? please?” Y/n asked.

Both women looked at each other before shaking their head in signal of a yes. They left, but they didn’t fully close the door.

Now the young ones were laughing and laughing and they couldn’t stop.

“I’m so so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, in any case i should be thankful.”

“Why?”

“You know, you ‘defended’ me with your mum”

“My mum loves you, what are you taking’ about? She probably loves you more than me. It was just the hotness of the situation, i don’t know.”

“Right. Uhm.” he scratched the back of his neck “i think I have to go, see you later.” he was leaning to give his goodbye cheek kiss when Y/n pulled away shaking her head in disapproval. That made Harry froze.

“Tell me, please, I don’t care if it’s a silly thing, it won’t let me sleep at night” she laughed once again.

“Exactly it’s somethin’ silly, it doesn’t matter.” he shrugged it off.

“Tell. Me. I give you 8 seconds ir i will not talk to you tomorrow at school.”

“Seriously?”

“Mhm.”

“You know how to play, Y/n…” she started counting with her fingers. “Okay, don’t hate me, but…” another second passed by “I-I th-think i’m… in love with you” he started slowly, and the it was light speed, Eminem speed. “No. No.” at this point Y/n wasn’t counting anymore. “That doesn’t sound correct. I- I am in love with you.”

“What?” she muttered.

“I am in love with you… Y/n.” he said watching to the floor.

“Wow- I…” she was in shock, but she could put herself together to say “I am in love with you too, Harry, since like i don’t know so much time…” she was muttering at the beginning and got a bust of confidence in the middle of the sentence.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

The stare at each other for a couple of seconds.

“Then what are we waiting?” Y/n whispered, watching how Harry was leaning towards her.

“Right. Uhm, can I-can I kiss you?” Y/n smiles for a little second for the nervousness of the boy in front of her, she nodded and stand in the tips of her feet, with one hand wrapping sweetly Harry’s cheek and the other was in the nape of his neck.

He has a shit eating grin with the touch, he mimicked the move of the girl, cupping her face with one hand while on the other hand, literally, he let it levitate to her back.

With a clumsy beginning they started a sweet kiss, they understood each other pretty quickly. They wished they could stay like that for a little while, but the knock on the door let them know it could be in another occasion.

“Harry?”

“I’m coming mum…!”

“Go, i’ll see you later.” Y/n encouraged Harry to go giving him a peek, being new to that sensation.

“Yeah. Bye. See. You. At. School.” with every pause he let a kiss on Y/n’s face.

That summer was unforgettable for the both of them. They experienced so many new and exiting things together and apart that made them feel like the wanted to eat the world in one bite. They just had sixteen, but the felt so much older.

Then Harry got signed up for the X Factor by his mum. Y/n was so excited to see him perform his undeniable talent.

And after some months of uncertainty, One Direction was founded. It still was a shock for everyone. Now they were talking about recording an album and selling it and doing a tour, that with luck will be all around the world. That was obviously exiting, right.

To Y/n that was a daydream, even though she has almost nothing to do with the situation. She was exited for Harry.

Harry was as exited as Y/n, but also, thinking a lot about it, he would have to be apart, like completely apart for the people he loved the most for a very long time. He didn’t know any better than his girlfriend, friends and family, so he had to learn.

Harry’s POV

2013

I was stuck in my hotel room doing nothing. I was bored, and I could just easily sneak up into some of the boys’ rooms, but I just wanted some comfort. The type of company that is warming, and home-like.

“Hey, mate.” said Louis entering through the door. He never called me that, we are not 30.

“Hi.” I returned my gaze to the ceiling.

“‘S everything ‘lright? his accent sometimes could become very thick.

“Yeah, all good.”

“Are you sure?” that was not Louis’ voice anymore, it was more high pitched and sweet. I quickly get up knowing that voice perfectly.

“Y/n/n” I run towards her, picking her up while hugging her. God I missed this. I could hear an ‘Ouh’ from her, I almost make us fell over Louis, who was just behind her.

“Sorry Lou” Y/n apologized leaving the embrace for a slight second.

“Ah, ‘s okay, just don’t start fucking in front of me, lovebirds.” he said. “Now, I’ll let you guys catch up. Uh, and Harry, they wan’ us in the back lobby in an hour, don’t be late.”

“Yeah, thanks Louis. See you” We shared a side embrace, since Y/n was in cuddled up in my left arm. She sent a kiss towards him, he catches it and threw it to the trash can, Y/n/n gives him the middle finger.

“Hi.” I said.

“Hello, Mr. Bandana boy.” she smiled passing her hand through my hair, that I was letting grow.

“D’you like it?”

“I love it.”

“Thanks, m’girlfriend asked me to let it grow.” I said sitting down on the edge of the bed, I pulled her between my legs hugging her hips.

“She has such a good taste...” Her hand left soft touches all over my hair.

“I know, she’s a genius”

“I agree with you.”

She was fixated with my hair, I just stared at her while she is distracted.

“Hey” I whisper. She hums in response. “hey…” I drag my try to make her look at me. “Can you give me a kiss?”

“Sure” she says before smiling widely and leaning down to meet my lips. I felt like it was forever since the last time i felt like this, when it was probably less than a month ago. I feel my face warm up, my stomach tightened, i felt like the butterfly on my chest was about to fly out. “I’ve missed you.” Our forehead were together, our eyes looked funny being like this.

“I’ve missed you too.” I laughed.

“I know.”

“Nice” she giggled.

“How have you’ve been?” she sat down next to me.

“I’m ‘kay.”

“Are you sure?” she repeated her first sentence in this room.

“Yeah, and now that you are here with me i’m perfect.”

“You’re so silly sometimes.”

“And you love it.”

“Yeah, I have a thing for goofballs”

“Well, thanks. How have you’ve been? I feel like we haven’t talked in forever.” And it was true, with my weird and tight schedule and her university and projects we barely talked outside our daily good morning and good night messages.

“Yeah… but you have me this week, and the next one.” she said kissing my cheeks.

“Oh, I’m so so so lucky” I said exaggerating.

“Okay, then bye” before she could stand up, I hugged her waist pulling her towards me.

“No. You’re trapped now.” I laughed to her mute scream as I pushed her to the big mattress.

“I’m gonna fall off the bed” she exclaimed.

“I got ya, love.”

We stare at each other for a while. But it was enough of the corny stuff.

“Now, let’s make up the time apart.” I shoot an exaggerated wink.

“You have less than 20 minutes, hun” she said sassy.

“I jus’ need 3, don’t worry ‘bout it.” she laughed so hard I laughed at my own joke too, or it was more for her laugh.

Y/n’s POV

2018

“Please, answer…” It was the 7th call in the last hour or so. But nothing. Directly to voice mail.

Then I heard the door of the apartments open. I got into my robe and walked to the loud noise.

First it was the sound of the keys hitting the glass table, then the fight with the shoes to take them of, and the a curse.

“Agh, stupid shit” he said. I was so mad, but seeing him safe was a relief.

“Good morning Harry.” I said. Clearly upset.

“Hello, Y/n.” He said in the same tone before letting out a dumb chuckle, he was drunk.

“Oh, please welcome! D’you need something? A coffee, or an aspirin, maybe?”

“Nah, ‘m alright, thank you.” now he was staggering towards the couch. If I heard that condescending tone one more time…

“Oh, good, good to know you are okay. Thank you very much.”

“Yeh, now, can you let me sleep, please?” Oh god.

I wanted to yell on the spot, but now i was just gonna have no response, so i take a deep breath and went to bed again.

The next morning was like any other one in the past few months, i woke up in an empty bed. I was tired even thought i just woke up. I knew what was coming up, and i didn’t want to step out of the bed.

I was in the bathroom washing my face. Today was the day. I was going to give him the ultimatum.

It’s been months since Live on Tour ended, i supposed that Harry would be enjoying his time home, with his family, friends and, well, me. But it looks like he’s still in the chip of partying and wild rockstar life. At the beginning i was kind of okay with that but when he kept living as if he was single, not in a way of cheating, as far as i know, but neglecting that he has someone that is waiting for him at home, that’s what upsets me.

I’ve been staying up whole nights worried about Harry. He’s not a ‘normal’ guy, he is a world wide known celebrity and most importantly, my fiancé.

I went up to the kitchen counter for a cup of coffee that i definitely needed. I saw a the back of a messy hair sticking out of the couch. He was looking to the nothing, with a cup of coffee, a glass of water and some aspirins on the coffee table.

“Morning’ ” i said calmly. He turned his head in my direction.

“Hello, love.” he said under his breath, i saw a hint of shame in his attitude, i was hoping he understood the meaning behind our fight.

“Are you feeling good?” i asked. He went up from the couch and walk to the counter, right next to me.

“I don’t know how you do it.” he put me into an embrace from my waist. His head was in my neck.

“What’re you taking about?” i giggled lightly, i couldn’t be upset at the moment.

“You know…” he let moment of silence, thinking. “being… patient with me…” he started kissing and biting “and so good, so beautiful… so sexy...” what.

I immediately took off pushing him from his shoulders. I looked at him directly in the eyes, frowning “What?”

“What? What?” he joked. I shook my head saying no and returned my body to face the counter.

“You don’t know why I am upset, do you?” i began to play with the only ring in my finger.

“Are you upset?”

“Yes, Harry, I am upset. Thank you for noticing.”

“Did somethin’ happened at work?” Was he fucking serious?

“Unbelievable.”

“No, wait. Is it because I was out yesterday? Nothin’ happened, it was a band thing.”

“I don’t care about that, Harry. I wouldn’t mind if you drank all the bar or kissed every person out there, ‘cause i’m fucking done.”

“What are you saying’?” his tone had a bit of panic and another bit of anger.

“This Harry. Whatever this turned into.” i couldn’t look at him. “It’s been like, what? Three months, tell me, have we have eat together once, have we even talked more than ten minutes? I don’t know nothing ‘bout your tour, you don’t know nothing about this past months, and you don’t seem interested at all.”

“I’m no interested? What about you! Always stayin’ at home, never wanting to go out.”

“You have never invited me out since you return. Not in a date. Not in one of you funny little night bar adventures, saying that where ‘band things’. Even Sarah invited me over sometimes.”

“Then why didn’t you go?”

“Because if you, my partner, didn’t tell me about it was obvious that you didn’t want me there”

“Of course i wanted you there!”

“Congratulations, i don’t care!” i took a deep breath “I don’t want to fight or yell… I-I don’t think that this is working.” I removed the ring from under the counter.

“Please, tell me it’s not what i’m thinking, you are not giving everything of this up just for some nights out, are you?”

“It’s, not just ‘some nights out’ it’s you neglecting me. I just think if this is gonna be the same every time you tour and i don’t think i could handle it.”

“Then we’ll work on it” he grabbed my hand, the one without a ring on. I’m sure he did noticed, but decided not to comment on it.

“No, you haven’t seen how dysfunctional everything has been since i finished my major?” He shook his head “No you didn’t, you were focused on your album, and i understand, but right now nothing’s stopping you from being here.”

“I’ll do it. I’ll be here”

“Harry… I promised to myself that this would be an ultimatum, i do want to keep being a part of this relationship, i want to do a family with you. But i’m not gonna put my needs and mental peace under the carpet. It’s not worth it, nothing is.” I put the ring on the marble surface. I could hear Harry’s breath began to be faster.

“I understand that, and i promise you that i’m going to fight for this to keep going. Please give me the chance,”

“I’m gonna give it to you.” i simply replied.

“Why are you trying to give me your ring?” he said with shaky voice.

“H… I thought that you would see it. It’s obvious that we are not ready for a compromise as big as it’s being engaged.”

“We’ve been together for eight years, Y/n!”

“Okay, let’s calm down.” I don’t want yelling.

“You don’t want to get married, ‘s that it?”

“Harry.”

“No. It seems so convenient to me that when you’re about to go back to London for that… work opportunity… you magically try to return me this.”

“Harry, that was, like, half a year ago.” I couldn’t believe how quickly he was fucking this up. He looked at me, he was thinking the same. He tried to excuse his comment. “No, i’ve heard enough.” I began to walk trough the house, with him following me immediately. I blasted into the bedroom.

“Wait. Y/n.”

I didn’t responded. I entered into the closet, making sure that i closed it with lock, grabbed a suitcase and began to pack.

“Love”

“Don’t call me that.” I whispered while changing into the first thing that i picked out, a black loose pair of pants and a tank top, not the greatest, not the worst, but i couldn’t care less about that.

Before going out of the closet i picked up my phone, fortunately i had it in my robe’s pocket, as always. I called Nick.

“Y/n/n, please, i’m so sorry. This is exactly what i want to work on.”

“I was about to give you the opportunity, you were the one messin’ it up” I said through the door. Then i opened it, he was sitting in the bed, his elbows in his knees as he passes his hand through his hair, in frustration.

I walked pass him to go to my nightstand, grabbing my journal, my passport and a key.

“W-what’s that?”

“Your new car. Congrats for your album.” I said as dry as i could sound, my childish self wanted that, the hurt in him, like the one he made me feel. I threw the keys to the bed, getting out of there, also hoping that they were enough distraction for him not to reach me out.

I took the elevator until i reached the first floor, on my way down i couldn’t help but started crying, i was about to explote if i didn’t. Then, to get to the ground floor, i used the emergency stairs, exiting the building from the back door.

Just two seconds later there it was Nick, in the black van and his usual suit. “Is everting good, Ms, Y/n?

“Uhm, y…es, thanks.” i said giving him my suitcase.

Then I went to the airport and bought the fist ticket to the UK and fuckin’ go.

twitter !

Kaia @kaikei • 3h

This is clearly a very intimate moment. Leave her alone.

arg 👾 @argusbmd • 2h

and they were getting married????? 😭😭😭😭

sn @oldpanic •3h

i hope they are okay :(

rebb @revelrebecca • 1h

HOLY SHIT I i hust saw her gettting into a plane to th UK

Hssss 🐍 @snakeszs • 2h

Why can’t you just put her name without the [name of the partner]? she is a human on her own.

Part ii

[kattpop]

warning ! pop girl project lore talking . The topic is card attributes

like I said I wanna like research game graphics n how to approach mine in future, but I have sketches in procreate of the general ~vibe~ I wanna go for, esp in regards to card attributes.

Usually in rhythm games there are just three, made vague on purpose so as to fit as many themes and genres as possible per attribute. This, I think, is to limit the number of variables the devs r forced to work with.

But since this isn’t a real game I can go Pokémon on this >>>>:3 and unlike most idol games, attributes would be assigned to individual cards, not the idols themselves, due to the inspo being kpop concepts

Mature - costumes or songs with mature content (while this mostly refers to sensuality, it can also apply to things like more grown up themes - Stella Jang’s “Villain” was a main inspo)

Cute - self explanatory. Candy Pop by Twice, I’m Poppy by That Poppy, that kinda thing

Cyber - ok maybe controversial but I felt this was best for capturing both the 2000s pop “future is now” obsession and current day sci fi concepts; think Doja’s Planet Her, TLC’s Scrubs and Girl’s Generation’s Mr Taxi, Run Devil Run, etc

Dark - hnnng again, me kinda genre and aesthetic mashing here. Trying to split hairs with “horror”, “dark” and “cult” concepts was too much, so I grouped them under Dark. Think Girls by Nature or Turn off the Light by Kim Petras

Elegant - Twice’s Feel Special inspired this one, things like FH’s Deliver fit too

Fantasy - WJSN’s Save Me Save You, Black Magic by Little Mix

Teen - This one’s a huge mixed bag. It encompasses everything from Teen Crush kpop to school day themed songs and songs inspired by teen films. Crush by Weki Meki, Oogoe Diamond by AKB48 and The Feels by Twice

Powerful - self empowerment themes !! women crushing it at work themes !! Citizen Queen, Fifth Harmony, Lee Hyo Ri, Tsai Jolin and XG all have songs that correlate to this (to varying degrees)

Girly - ranges from women being badass things while in pink ! (Think Kill this Love by Blackpink or Mirror Mirror by Kamille) . To the softest fluff imagineable, like Exist for Love by Aurora and most of Raveena’s songs . Wahoo.

Athletic - it happens more often than u think. Touchdown by Twice, Tsugi no Season by BNK48 (yes ino it’s from akb. The Thai version is better xdddd)

Party - holiday by snsd, antidote by Faky. Usually “summer” songs but I didn’t wanna limit it to seasonal songs

Retro - so self explanatory it doesn’t need an example but. Say So by Doja Cat xd

Quirky - pon pon pon by Kyary Pambu Pambu, carmelldansen by ..,, carmell

[ao3feed-kathony]

Redefined Love in Full Bloom

read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/58316002 by FATE_LOVER21 Eloise Bridgerton is determined to not let her spinsterhood define her. She intends to continue to break the status quo and stray away from the herd, but not in an act of rebellion but in an act of empowerment. She is loathed to never wed, to never have children like the rest of her siblings and is determined to live a life that is fulfilled and happy without a man —despite her suppressed desire of wanting someone to share her dreams and passions with. But it takes only one letter from a certain Sir Phillip Crane to completely alter her off course. What is it about this grieving husband that Eloise cannot figure out? Read her journey of self-discovery and love as Eloise tries to redefine what it really means to be a woman in society. My take on S5 of Bridgerton with Eloise and Phillip as the leads. Words: 8734, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death Categories: F/M, Multi Characters: Eloise Bridgerton, Phillip Crane, Benedict Bridgerton, Sophie Beckett, Colin Bridgerton, Penelope Featherington, Anthony Bridgerton, Kate Sheffield | Kate Sharma, Daphne Bridgerton, Simon Basset, Francesca Bridgerton, Violet Bridgerton, Lady Whistledown (Bridgerton), Agatha Danbury, Charlotte zu Mecklenburg-Strelitz | Charlotte Queen of the United Kingdom, Gregory Bridgerton, Hyacinth Bridgerton, Oliver Crane (Bridgerton), Amanda Crane, Marina Thompson Relationships: Eloise Bridgerton/Phillip Crane, Eloise Bridgerton & Phillip Crane, Eloise Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington, Benedict Bridgerton & Eloise Bridgerton, Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sheffield | Kate Sharma, Sophie Beckett/Benedict Bridgerton, Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington, Simon Basset/Daphne Bridgerton, Francesca Bridgerton/John Stirling I, Marcus Anderson/Violet Bridgerton Additional Tags: Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Family Loss, Grief/Mourning, Flowers, Regency Romance, Love Letters, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Step-parents, Feminist Themes, Strong Female Characters, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Making Love, Difficult Decisions, Oral Sex, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Adopted Children, Possibly Unrequited Love, Multiple Sex Positions, Meet-Cute, Cute Kids, Breaking Up & Making Up read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/58316002

[17020]

ORQUÍDEAS ᥫ᭡ WINBRE X BLLK EVENT FOR WRITERS!

Purity. Adoration. Desire. Gratitude. Doubt. Pain. Love can be defined as many things, and whether to fall in love or out of it, is completely up to you. Dive deep into the world of Orquídeas, my favorite album by Kali.

RULES TO JOIN

Fluff, Angst, and Suggestive are welcome!

One song per person, please! Each song can be multi-character blurbs, or a single character fic.

In the case of single character fics, I'll try my best so that characters are not repeated, so that we can get multiple masterpieces written!

Send me an ask or DM me to join! And if you have any questions or doubts feel free to hit me up!

IN AND OUT OF LOVE . . . UNTIL YOU FIND THE ONE.

IGUAL QUE UN ÁNGEL

@stunie — Hajime Umemiya.

To love is to adore, to be vulnerable, and devoted. To him, you're just like an angel, loving him purely and unconditionally. He's eternally grateful for your presence, making him feel as if he's God's favorite.

PENSAMIENTOS INTRUSIVOS

@kajibunny — Hayato Suo.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow; unwanted thoughts oftentimes linger through your mind. After rough experiences with love, he's more than ready to show you how much he loves you to make those intrusive thoughts fly away.

DIOSA

@kaiser1ns — Hajime Umemiya, Yamato Endo, Jo Togame.

A celebration of self-love, empowerment, and confidence. He's always by your side, as if he's in a trance, spoiling you and always having you on his mind. He is more than willing to worship you like the goddess that you are.

TE MATA

@maruflix — Takiishi Chika & Hajime Umemiya.

Knowing your worth is the first step towards self-love. After escaping a toxic relationship you find the love of your life. However, you also find yourself being depicted as a devil by your ex. It's time to embrace the role of devil, because he will never be able to cut off your wings, and that kills him.

PERDISTE

@gyuriac — Sae Itoshi.

What's done is done, and it needs to be left behind. So, after a gruesome breakup, why can't he get you off his mind? After many attempts to replace you, he's at a crossroads. He lost you, and that's got to hurt.

YOUNG, RICH & IN LOVE

@hayatoseyepatch — Mitsuki Kiryu, Hayato Suo, Mikage Reo, Michael Kaiser.

Better stay out of grown folks' business! With him, you live life to the fullest. Your love is luxurious, and having such a supportive and committed partner makes you feel liberated. Whether it's you riding him or both riding into the sunset, you live your lives being young, rich, and in love.

TU CORAZÓN ES MÍO

@17020 — Toma Hiragi, Ren Kaji, Hajime Umemiya, Jo Togame.

There is absolutely no one like him. All you hear is that young love is nothing more than miserable. With him, though, it's the complete opposite. He is your present and future, going through thick and thin together. Your heart is his, and his heart is yours.

NO HAY LEY, PARTE 2

@fyodoro — Yoichi Isagi, Michael Kaiser, Rin Itoshi.

A forbidden love. A relationship that might seem unconventional, but you don't care. Love knows no boundaries and rules, and the connection you have with him is unreal. There are no laws when it comes to love.

[bittersweetbark]

addiction | beauty | betrayal | change vs. tradition | chaos vs. order | circle of life | coming of age | communication | convention vs. rebellion | corruption | courage | crime and law | dangers of ignorance | darkness and light | death | desire to escape | dreams | displacement | empowerment | facing darkness | facing reality | faith vs. doubt | fall from grace | fame and fortune | family | fate | fear | fear of failure | free will | friendship | fulfilment | good vs. bad | government | greed | guilt and forgiveness | hard work | heroism | hierarchy | honesty | hope | identity crisis | immortality | independence | individual vs. society | inner vs. outer strength | innocence | injustice | isolation | knowledge vs. ignorance | life | loneliness | lost love | love | man vs. nature | manipulation | materialism | motherhood | nature | nature vs. nurture | oppression | optimism | peer pressure | poverty | power | power of words | prejudice | pride | progress | quest | racism | rebirth | relationships | religion | responsibility | revenge | sacrifice | secrets | self-awareness | self-preservation | self-reliance | sexuality | social class structure | survival | technology | temptation and destruction | time | totalitarianism | weakness | vanity | war | wealth | wisdom of experience | youth

This was a bit difficult because my current WIPs are light, fun fluff but of course the relationships are based on deeper themes - and I haven't decided how serious the "serious talk" part in "Stray" is going to be.

Tagging @gleamingsilence, @she-who-drank-vodka-with-cats, @sinfulpetgirlrd, @beardedladyqueen, @whimsicalmeerkat, @regis-favorite-raven, @tigerlyla-of-metinna uh, who else is writing things atm :') @mralarm1ng and @mykaijusizefeels have WIPs but are also busy... @katiecat446's D&D is full of themes! There we go.

Now Tumblr, post this, please. Don't not post it!

WIP themes tag

big thanks to @sweveris for tagging me 💙

I'll be doing this for we make our choices and take what comes a.k.a. my historical fantasy steddyhands au inspired by Dishonored

Rules: Bold the themes that appear in your WIP (& italicize those that are loosely covered) then tag 10 people.

addiction | beauty | betrayal | change vs. tradition | chaos vs. order | circle of life | coming of age | communication | convention vs. rebellion | corruption | courage | crime and law | dangers of ignorance | darkness and light | death | desire to escape | dreams | displacement | empowerment | facing darkness | facing reality | faith vs. doubt | fall from grace | fame and fortune | family | fate | fear | fear of failure | free will | friendship | fulfilment | good vs. bad | government | greed | guilt and forgiveness | hard work | heroism | hierarchy | honesty | hope | identity crisis | immortality | independence | individual vs. society | inner vs. outer strength | innocence | injustice | isolation | knowledge vs. ignorance | life | loneliness | lost love | love | man vs. nature | manipulation | materialism | motherhood | nature | nature vs. nurture | oppression | optimism | peer pressure | poverty | power | power of words | prejudice | pride | progress | quest | racism | rebirth | relationships | religion | responsibility | revenge | sacrifice | secrets | self-awareness | self-preservation | self-reliance | sexuality | social class structure | survival | technology | temptation and destruction | time | totalitarianism | weakness | vanity | war | wealth | wisdom of experience | youth

tagging @logarithmicpanda @reinarandwulf @bittersweetbark @doktorgirlfriend @treesofgreen & everyone/anyone else who hasn't been tagged and wants to do this thing 💙

[buddierecs]

aly's favourite fic's

this is a list of my all time favourites buddie fics :) it will be a mixture of ratings. please check the rating/tags!

let's hear it for the boy by hattalove (anything by this author is incredible!!!!) "in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order." word count: 56k rating: teen and up audiences important tags: self-discovery, coming out, friends to lovers, pining, gay disaster!eddie diaz.

leave the light on (i'll be coming home) - highly highly recommend this!!!!! by: HMSLusitania "an accident on a call leaves buck with custody of chris after eddie is... missing presumed. while they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite eddie's parents' best efforts -- a john doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home." word count: 44k rating: mature important tags: presumed dead, grief, mourning, angst, amnesia, getting together a leaf falls on loneliness by: iimpossible_things "buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “i’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. really, he doesn’t. the 118 has too many good, kind people for that. but every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to eddie or bobby or hen or chim, he hears eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.” —you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting— so each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence." word count: 11k rating: not rated important tags: angst, fluff, happy ending, orginal male character and i'm not good at winning fights anymore by: spaceprincessem "five times buck needs to feel eddie's heartbeat and the one time eddie needs to feel his" word count: 24k rating: teen and up audience important tags: 5+1 things, whump, protective!eddie diaz, getting together, soft boys in love, ptsd i know you're hurting (but so am i) by: justhockey "eddie understands better than maybe anyone else ever could, how it feels to have everything unravel in the palm of your hands. he knows frustration - he knows fury. he’s painfully familiar with that burning rage that crackles in the tips of your fingers, that makes your skin hot and chest tight, and makes you want to punch anyone that dares to even look at you. but that doesn’t give chim the right to lay a damn hand on buck" word count: 3.7k rating: not rated important tags: ptsd, feelings realisation, protective!eddie diaz, communication, 5x04 coda good pretender by: likeshipsonthesea "an au where buck broke up with taylor before 5b, ravi and buck become (actually platonic) friends with benefits, and ravi, eddie, and buck all go on a journey of self-discovery that ends with them all getting what they need" word count: 85k rating: explicit important tags: friends with benefits (buckandravi), casual sex, childhood tramua, healing, feelings realisation, jealous!eddie diaz, ptsd, love confessions, anal sex

the best life is the truth (my best mask is my face) by: letmetellyouaboutmyfeels the buckleys are celebrating their 50th anniversary, and maddie and buck are both expected to come. to take the heat off maddie, buck impulsively blurts out that he's seeing someone new. obviously, there's only one solution: bring eddie as his fake boyfriend, pretend to be in love with him, and survive the weekend with minimal bloodshed. no problem, except for the, uh. "pretend" part." word count: 43k rating: explicit important tags: fake dating, idiots to lovers, there was only one bed, eventual smut

tomorrow will always and forever now be today (tomorrow is our always and forver) by: withmeornotatall "eddie gets trapped in a time loop on the day buck marries natalia" word count: 43k rating: mature important tags: time loop, minor buck/natalia, heavy angst, eventual happy ending, weddings, love confessions winter prayer by: daisies_and_briars "when a work conflict prevents athena from accompanying bobby to minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, buck and may offer to go instead. over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and bobby faces his grief." word count: 18k rating: general audiences important tags: road trip, family bonding, grief, healing, angst, bobby being a dad to may and buck, may and buck are siblings

what a heart can do by: bvckandeddie "in which buck becomes the guardian of the daughter he never knew he had. together, they discover what happiness truly means to them." word count: 128k rating: teen and up important tags: girldad!buck, slow burn, friends to co-parents to lovers, oblivious!evan buckley, therapy, light angst, emotional hurt/comfort

[prolix-yuy]

What in the Actual Hell?

I don't know what to do with myself. This one got me by surprise! I passed 400 followers around my birthday and was like, "Aw, that's nice, you guys are too kind, I am a little gremlin who thrives on positive reinforcement," and then you come back and do this?! What's a girl supposed to do to deal with all these emotions?

Well, write, I guess.

I made the decision that IF I hit a crazy milestone (like 500 of you beauties being kind enough to follow me) I was going to open requests. So here I am, making good on my word!

LJ's 500 Follower Celebration!

Welcome to my little request celebration! To thank you all for being amazing and supporting me on this wild platform, I'll be opening my asks to requests starting now, July 25th, until July 31st, for requests!

Here are the request guidelines:

Send me the pairing you would like. It can be any character I've written before (including any versions from previous stories), or someone completely new! I work mostly within the Pedro Pascal cinematic universe, but other Star Wars franchises are welcome too.

Pick a theme from the list under the "Read More."

If there is anything specific you'd like to add to the prompt (a little flavoring for the story) or would not like in the prompt (Teen vs Explicit, fluff vs angst, etc) please feel free to include it! Otherwise I'll run with the prompt as the inspiration strikes.

I'll be keeping the requests under 2k words for my own sanity and ability to get them out with any sort of timeliness.

Requests will be posted...roughly over the next few weeks. It will honestly depend on how many come in. I'll give a posting update after the 31st!

The list of topics I do not write for is included at the bottom of the theme list. I will also reserve the right to not complete an ask if it is outside of my comfort zone content-wise.

Thank you all for brightening up my days with fun interactions, wonderful comments and so many new friendships. You make writing a joy for me, and I love sharing new stories with you.

Topics

Beauty of simplicity

Change of power – necessity

Change versus tradition

Chaos and order

Circle of life

Coming of age

Communication – verbal and nonverbal

Companionship as salvation

Convention and rebellion

Dangers of ignorance

Darkness and light

Death – inevitable or tragedy

Desire to escape

Destruction of beauty

Disillusionment and dreams

Displacement

Empowerment

Emptiness of attaining false dream

Everlasting love

Facing darkness

Facing reality

Fading beauty

Faith versus doubt

Family – blessing or curse

Fate and free will

Fear of failure

Fulfillment

Greed as downfall

Growing up – pain or pleasure

Hazards of passing judgment

Heartbreak of betrayal

Heroism – real and perceived

Hierarchy in nature

Identity crisis

Illusion of power

Immortality

Individual versus society

Inner versus outer strength

Injustice

Isolation

Knowledge versus ignorance

Loneliness as destructive force

Losing hope

Loss of innocence

Lost honor

Lost love

Love and sacrifice

Man against nature

Manipulation

Materialism as downfall

Names – power and significance

Nature as beauty

Necessity of work

Optimism – power or folly

Overcoming – fear, weakness, vice

Power and corruption

Power of silence

Power of tradition

Power of wealth

Power of words

Pride and downfall

Progress – real or illusion

Quest for discovery

Quest for power

Rebirth

Reunion

Role of men

Role of Religion – virtue or hypocrisy

Self-awareness

Self-preservation

Self-reliance

Temporary nature of physical beauty

Temptation and destruction

Vanity as downfall

Vulnerability of the meek

Vulnerability of the strong

Will to survive

Wisdom of experience

Youth and beauty

Topics I do not write for: explicit pregnancy content; motherhood; non/con, dub/con, or cnc without consent being explicitly given beforehand; incest; mommy kink; dd/lg dynamic; ageplay; sexual violence towards any character.

[charmingyong]

Pink Mountains

Pink chrysanthemums represent longevity and carry feelings of gentle affection, attraction, and romance, making them a great choice for first date and new love.

Definition of mountain boy: A shy boy who lives in secret, living a very good life and doesn’t let anyone push him down. His only weakness is the girl he falls in love with.

Genre: mountain boy!Taeyong x writer fem!reader, fluff (like a lot), bit of humour, pinch of angst

Warnings: scary story being told

Word count: 7k

Plot: You were in need for some new air to unleash creativity for the sake of your career. Going on a journey with your assistant Haechan, you ended up in a situation that had you colliding with a cute mountain boy... all because of the sheep.

A/N: Part of No More Roses collab hosted by @cosmiclatte28​. Turns out NCT 127’s Amino Acid sounds so nice with this story.

- ❀ -

You crouched down, getting closer to the head of the flower. The densely clustered pink florets on the flower head won your heart over the rest of the varieties growing on the flower farm.

“Noona!”

You looked up and found Haechan running to you. Standing up, you dusted the back of your denim shorts, your hiking boots slightly covered with specks of dirt. “Any luck?” you asked.

He shook his head, bending over and panted for air. “No.”

Humming, you looked around the area. You were standing in the midst of a huge flower field, and no one was in sight. A small house was located at the far end and so your assistant took up the task to search for the farm owner. Unfortunately, they didn’t appear to be available. You wanted to request a bouquet of pink and white flowers, particularly highlighting on the mums that had caught your attention.

Your gaze lurked around the mountains faraway, the destination of interest before getting side tracked by the beautiful floral land. Recently, you lacked inspiration and motivation to write or come up with creative ideas, and it greatly frustrated you. Haechan came up with a perfect solution of trekking among the wilderness to get your mind off the stress and for your physical well-being after having been glued to your desk for so long.

“I guess we’ll just try again when heading home,” you said. Your trip consisted of hiking for a couple of days and staying at a hotel for the night located nearby. You were only travelling on the peaks for however long you wanted before returning for the accommodation to rest. You weren’t craving to reach the end of the expedition but were doing it to cleanse your inner body for self-empowerment.

- ❀ -

“Hyung!” Taeyong jumped to his feet and jogged towards his brother who just walked into their small home. “Can I go out now?”

Taeil nodded. “Make sure to keep an eye on Dalmi.”

The younger one beamed and nodded, jittery on his feet and ready to burst out of the small cabin.

Taeil chuckled quietly and ruffled his baby brother’s hair, making Taeyong let out a small squeal. “Okay, go. Be careful out there and don’t get hurt.”

“Thanks, hyung!” Taeyong shouted over his shoulder and was out the door in seconds. His eyes gazed upward and shielded his head with a hand as the sun beat down, smiling at the wonderful afternoon sky decorated with fluffy clouds. “Alright, Dalmi. Let’s see how you’re doing, girl,” he muttered to himself and dashed for where he would find the German shepherd guarding the sheep flock.

-

“Left or right?” you asked.

Haechan observed the two paths at the fork. “Left looks promising, but right one seems interesting.”

You huffed. “That doesn’t help.”

He spotted stones off to the side and picked two up of different sizes. Haechan outstretched both his arms towards you, fists closed. “Let the stones decide. The big stone for left path and small one for right.”

Your finger pointed towards his left hand, and he uncurled both of his fists. The stone of your selection was smaller than the other one.

“Well then,” Haechan chucked the stones away, dusting the dirt off his palms. “We’re going right.”

After a while into the trek, the sun had reached its highest in the sky. You thought you were going to see more dirt, stones and trees, but what laid before your eyes was something you never thought you’d see in person.

“Oh my goodness! Are those sheep?” your voice came out loud and laced in disbelief. A flock of sheep was confined within a large, fenced pasture.

Haechan panted for breath and dropped his body to the ground for rest, plopping on top of the only backpack that he was responsible for between the two of you. His eyes landed on what you were staring at and nodded. “It is,” he muttered faintly while gasping for air.

Your hands itched to pet the adorably harmless animal and so without any fear, your feet shuffled into a near sprint for the fencing.

Taeyong arrived at the perimeter of the sheep pasture right in time to find a couple of strangers at another end. He observed the young boy who looked like he was ready to pass out, and then shifted his attention to you fast approaching the prohibited area.

Both him and Taeil raised Dalmi to protect the sheep as its location was bound to have hikers stumble upon it. So you trespassing the barrier into a space where the German Shepherd was not going to be happy to see you in made him feel uneasy. Usually, other trekkers would slowly approach the field and before they’d get too close, Dalmi would do her job by scaring them off with her barks.

What would Dalmi do in your situation? More than just bark.

Your eyes were fixed solely on the white fluffy sheep and were almost halfway to them... until you heard the sound of a dog barking. Your steps slowed to a stop and your head whipped around to find the guardian of the flock coming for you at full speed. You were usually chill with dogs, never having encountered a problem with them. But when bigger breeds, especially ones that snarled angrily like the way this one did, you had a bad feeling that you were in big trouble.

Haechan realized the danger and screamed for you. “Noona! What the hell are you standing there for? Get the hell out!” He shot to his feet and began darting for the pasture.

But you couldn’t. Your body refused to listen to your assistant when your eyes were wide in fear while staring at the incoming danger. This was going to be the end of your so-called self-empowerment expedition.

“Noona, move!” Haechan yelled with his neck turning red.

Taeyong was already on his way for you, making a full sprint to save you from Dalmi.

You squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for the worst. Just when the barks from the dog were loud enough to have physically attacked you in a second, you felt a body ram into you, making you both fall hard to the ground with them on top of you, shielding you from the dog. If Haechan were on top of you, then the dog wouldn’t be standing beside you growling like the way it did.

It would have bitten both of you.

And Haechan wouldn’t tackle you to the ground like that. He would have taken your hand and dragged you out of the fenced land.

When you confusedly opened your eyes, your breath was taken away by a pair of big brown eyes, wholly captivating you as if you were saved by a prince from a fairy tale. Your heart pounded furiously the more the cute boy gawked at you innocently, neither of you bothering to move from the position.

Taeyong’s eyes were wide as a maddening blush crept up to his cheeks by the intimacy. Not once in his life had he ever get close with a girl, let alone be on top of one like the way he currently was. He snapped out when he heard the young boy call for you. “Noona!”

Taeyong turned his head to look at Dalmi and shot up to his feet, quickly hugging her in a way to stop her from moving an inch near you. “Sorry,” he uttered timidly to you, avoiding your eyes while hoping that you couldn’t hear how loud his heart thumped for you.  

You blinked at him and sat up on the grass. By then, Haechan had caught up to you. “Noona, are you okay?” he asked, and pulled you up to your feet, shaking off the bits of grass that clung to your hair which was the least of your worries.

Still dazed by what you had experienced, less about the dog and more the beautiful boy, you only hummed with a nod.

Haechan faced Taeyong and bowed profusely. “We’re so sorry about this. Noona, say something! Else, he could sue us for trespassing his property!” he told you.

You snapped back into your senses. “Oh yes. Really, I didn’t mean to do any harm. I only wanted to pet the sheep. They looked so cute. I’m sorry...” You ended your slight rambling with puppy eyes and a pout that made Taeyong’s heart flutter. “Thank you for saving me,” you smiled kindly at him. You couldn’t believe he saved you despite you being a stranger that lurked into his pasture.

Taeyong’s ears tipped red by your gratitude. “S’okay,” he responded, brushing it off like it was nothing he did there.

Haechan shook his head. “No, seriously though. That was some heroic dive he did there, putting his body between you and the dog. He was like a bullet when he ran to save you.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. “Woah, for me? You are a really nice person. What’s your name?”

Taeyong pressed his lips together as he shied a little from your compliment. “Taeyong,” he answered softly.

You smiled tenderly at him, making his heart ready to combust. “Thank you, Taeyong. I’m Y/N.”

He met your gaze fully, your name sounding like music to his ears. “Hi Y/N,” he spoke ever so softly like he was in awe of your beautiful eyes. You noticed it and felt a slight heat rush to your cheeks. This time you went shy.

Haechan flailed his arms to get Taeyong’s attention. “And I’m Haechan!” he introduced himself loud and dramatic, which made Taeyong shake out of his daze, returning a quick smile to him.

Taeyong remembered the reason for your entry and suggested, “Um, you can pet the sheep. They won’t harm you.”

Nodding, you knew that. The sheep were defenseless. The issue was the other animal that led you into the mess. “Yeah but...” you trailed off, looking at the dog that kept snarling and growling at you.

Taeyong realized your concern. “Don’t worry about Dalmi. I’ll keep her away.”

Haechan’s face brightened and turned to the dog, bending down to her level. “Oh, so your name is Dalmi. How cute,” he tried to coo in efforts to befriend her, but she only barked loudly at his face. Startled, Haechan fell backward onto his butt. “Oh my God, she’s feisty.”

Taeyong nodded. “Dalmi isn’t the type to socialize with strangers. She’s very loyal to her owners.”

Your brows raised. “Owners? Oh, do you live with someone?”

“Yeah, Taeil, my older brother. He’s my only family.”

You hummed at his response and wondered how his lifestyle was like. “Do you mind if you showed us around here?”

-

Taeil handed you and Haechan prepared cups of mountain tea, a special herb only grown on elevated levels. You thanked him and took a small sip of the earthy and floral tea, your lips tilting upward at the flavour. “This is really good. It has this mild sweet taste I like.”

Taeil smiled at your comment. “It’ll taste even better with some honey and cinnamon. Right now’s the perfect season for mountain tea. I can pack you some to take home. It’s a great herbal medicine as well.”

You gasped at him at his astonishingly kind gesture. “That would be amazing. Thank you so much!”

Taeil nodded and looked at his younger brother. Taeyong couldn’t remove his eyes from you as he stood shyly off to the side while you and your assistant sat side by side on the chairs with Taeil sitting across from you.

Your eyes skimmed around their cabin, small yet cozy and rustic style with simple wooden furniture everywhere. “You have a nice home. It must be fun living on the mountains,” you complimented genuinely. It was a stark contrast to your modern luxurious loft back home, and you liked that their home was practically in touch with mother nature.

Taeil’s lips curved up slightly as he painfully recalled his late mother’s wish. “Thank you, Y/N.”

You noticed the tone in his voice not being as bright as before, and then recollected your words, realizing what you had said. “Oh... it must be lonely for you guys, isn’t it?”

Taeil looked down at his lap and let out a quiet sigh. “Our mother passed away after giving birth to Taeyong. I’ve raised Taeyong myself, feeding him, taking him to a nearby town for school. But he keeps to himself, not making many friends. He’s too shy to interact with trekkers, only keeping watch from a distance to make sure the sheep aren’t harmed and Dalmi doesn’t hurt anyone.” Pausing briefly, he shifted his eyes to look at Taeyong. “I’m surprised Taeyong went as far as bringing you to our home,” he commented with a soft smile.

Taeyong met his hyung’s gaze and looked away quickly, gulping down the emotions threatening to burst from his heart.

Your lips formed an ‘oh’ while listening to their lonely life, your heartstrings tugging especially upon learning the way Taeyong lived his life. “I can see why Taeyong grew up to have a very beautiful soul. It’s all thanks to you,” you smiled sincerely at Taeil and then turned your head to look at the timid boy.

Taeyong fidgeted with his fingers as he stole a risky glance for you, his heart thumping louder when seeing your angelic smile for him.

- ❀ -

Haechan let out a childish whine as his grip on the backpack straps loosened. “Why couldn’t I stay back with Taeil and give him company?” he complained.

You rolled your eyes at him, following Taeyong’s lead easily. “And you said I needed to move around. Clearly, you need it more than me.”

“You’re the one that sells stories! Your brain needs more oxygen than me. Plus, I’m the only one carrying a bag!”

Taeyong stopped to give the younger boy a break. Taeil had suggested his brother to show them around the mountains, more specifically the secret views located off the normal trail. Taeyong had already shown you and Haechan a special stream of water flowing down the mountain, so clean that it was perfect for drinking. You were amazed by how wonderful it tasted, especially when it was Taeyong’s hands that were cupped to let you sip the water he collected. Taeyong smiled ecstatically while leading you to the next attraction. “We’re almost there,” he informed you, lending a hand to you at a challenging step.

Gracefully smiling at the gesture, you grabbed his hand and pulled yourself up, your heart alighting at the simple touch. “Great! Let’s get there already. Haechan will catch up when he’s ready.”

Haechan scoffed. “Now you’ll leave me behind to become the bear’s dinner?”

Taeyong shook his head and helped the young boy up. “Don’t worry. There’s no bears here. At least not on this path.”

After you and Taeyong resumed hiking, Haechan grew worried in case the bears were feeling adventurous and gathered up his strength to follow you quickly. “Wait for me!”

From a distance, you spotted a wide field of colours covering the grass and realized what Taeyong had led you to. “Woah...” you breathed out.

Taeyong grinned, ecstatic to show you something so mesmerizing. He walked closer to the wildflowers and crouched down to the floral level. “There’s pink mountain heathers, paintbrushes that hummingbirds love, spring beauties, and subalpine daisies.”

Your eyes drank in the beauty of the wildflowers thriving on the mountains, particularly your gaze landing on the pink mountain heathers, its colour nearly resembling the pink chrysanthemums located at the base of the mountains. “They’re so beautiful,” you murmured breathlessly, making Taeyong pleased to have shown you the rare beauties.

Haechan puffed hard and looked up at the sky. “It looks like the sun will go down soon.”

You forcibly removed your eyes from the delicate beauties and sadly agreed. “We should start heading back for the accommodation. We’ll come back tomorrow,” you smiled at Taeyong, hoping that you would at least see him again one more time before heading back home.

Taeyong didn’t want to part from you just yet, but he couldn’t be selfish. He would just have to wait for tomorrow to see you one more time. “Okay, but the sun will go down really fast. Will you be okay to find your way down? Should I come with you?”

You shook your head frantically. “No, please don’t. I don’t want to trouble you. I’m sure Haechan and I will find our way down. Right, Haechan?” You turned to your assistant and waited for a confirmation.

Haechan put his hand in his pocket, his expression changing to panic when he couldn’t locate his phone. He checked all his pockets and even got down to check inside the backpack, not finding the device anywhere. His hands went up to his hair in stress. “I don’t know where my phone is,” he admitted, his voice laced in stress. “We need flashlight.”

If Haechan had dropped his phone somewhere on the mountain, then it was nearly impossible to backtrack every step to search for it, especially after taking paths without any markings. Fishing out your phone from your pocket, you said, “Don’t worry. I’ll get you a new one. I can use the flashlight on my phone.” After multiple attempts to switch your phone on, you realized that your phone was dead and asked your assistant for the portable bank.

Chuckling nervously, Haechan said, “I don’t have it.”

You gaped at him. “How do you not have that?”

“I thought we’d be at the hotel before needing it!” he defended.

You groaned quietly. “Fine, I’ll just charge at the cabin.” You turned to Taeyong to ask if that was fine until you noticed the blank look on his face.

“We don’t have electricity,” he confessed gently.

-

Taeyong led you back to the cabin just in time before it got pitch dark, the cabin being dimly lit by lanterns. “Hyung!” He called out for his brother as he stepped inside.

Taeil appeared from the kitchen and his eyes landed on you and Haechan. “Oh, you’re still here?”

Taeyong nodded. “Yeah, they need light to get down the mountain. Where’s the flashlight?”

The older brother thought for a moment, not being able to recall the last spot he placed it. “I don’t remember. We hardly use that since we don’t go out at night much.”

You panicked. “What? Wait, so we’re stuck with going down the mountains in the dark? No way, I’m not doing that.” The safety hazard was real without any light source and not seeing what would be ahead of you. One wrong footing and the next thing you’d know was that you were injured, or dead.

“What’s gonna happen to our hotel reservation?” Haechan asked. “You already paid for it!”

Your feet tapped repeatedly out of agitation and pressed your lips together tightly, a crease visible between your brows. Money was the least of your concern. You simply wanted a safe place to rest for the night. How were you going to get that?

Taeyong’s heart cracked when seeing your panic. He turned to his brother, silently pleading him to help you in any way.

Smiling, Taeil offered, “You can stay here for the night.”

-

The campfire crackled as you sat on a log near it, the fire warmly lighting up the vicinity. Taeyong came to you from behind and draped a blanket over your form. You looked at him over your shoulder. “Oh, thank you, Taeyong,” you muttered with your heart going fuzzy at the warm gesture.

He smiled in return and sat down on a log adjacent to yours next to his brother who had prepared the campfire. Taeil watched Taeyong sit down beside him and noticed a blush on the younger one’s cheeks.

Haechan plopped down beside you, his hands occupied with a warm cup of tea that Taeyong had prepared for him. “So you guys just stare at the fire for some time and go to sleep?” Haechan asked and took a sip of his tea, releasing a satisfying sigh.

Nodding, Taeil added, “Sometimes we stargaze, play games, I even tell Taeyong some stories.”

Haechan’s face brightened at the mention of stories. “Oh, do you have any scary mountain stories to share with us?” he asked Taeil.

You arched an eyebrow at him. “Scary mountain stories?”

“Yeah! Like any rumours around the mountains that people are spooked out about?” he asked the Tae brothers.

Taeyong never heard of any shared by his brother and much to Haechan’s disappointment, Taeil shook his head. “No, I haven’t heard of any.”

With a huff, Haechan put his half-finished cup down on the ground and clasped his hands together. “Well then, let me enlighten you all of one. Have you heard of the legend of Spearfinger?” Haechan asked.

Taeyong shook his head with a small pout while Taeil answered, “Never heard of that.”

You rolled your eyes. “Probably not real then.”

Haechan shushed you. “Decide whether it’s real or not after I tell you the legend.”

Exhaling out of your nose, you turned your body to face him and paid full attention to him.

Haechan cleared his throat, getting ready to tell the spooky tale. “There’s a monster who lurks around the peaks of the mountains named Spearfinger. A shape-shifting witch who has a long blade on her forefinger and could take form of many creatures like a fox, bear, bird, even as an old woman.”

Your confident upright form deflated a little. It wasn’t scary just yet, but you were worried in which direction it was heading.

“Know what she feeds off of?” he asked you.

You shook your head.

He smirked ominously. “Human livers.”

You gasped quietly as chills crept up your spine.

“She would stalk her prey through the mountains. She could take the shape of a known person in the village.” Haechan stopped and looked at the three of you listening to him. “Who knows if she’s among us?”

You released a small noise of fear and hugged the blanket more tightly, curling yourself into a ball.

Haechan continued. “Nowadays, hikers get spooked by the sound of leaves rustling or being watched from afar because was it a squirrel that passed by or...” He paused to add a dramatic effect. “Was it Spearfinger?”

Your heart got stuck in your throat as you no longer feeling the calming effects of sitting by the campfire. All you wanted to do was go home to your comfy luxe bed, not be stuck in the wilderness for a potential shape-shifting witch to devour your vital organ. “Is this actually true?” Your voice was faint and weak, wholeheartedly scared for your life.

Taeyong noticed your fear throughout the story-telling and longed to comfort you any way that made you feel safe. Never in his life had he ever been afraid of anything in the wilderness, thanks to his brother teaching him all the essentials early in his life. So he knew there was nothing to be afraid of. “Don’t worry, Y/N. You’re safe here,” he reassured, hoping it could provide some relief.

Taeil offered for you and Haechan to sleep inside while the brothers slept outdoor by the fire. You rustled the sheets on the upper part of the bunk bed, the story still haunting you as if the Spearfinger was just centimeters away.

Haechan called you from below. “Noona, are you awake?”

You let out a long breath. “Yeah, thanks to you,” you muttered. You heard Haechan move underneath you and wondered why he asked you. “What is it?” you asked.

But he didn’t answer.

“Haechan?”

Suddenly, it was pin-drop silent and you had a bad feeling for what could be coming your way.

“This isn’t funny, Haechan. Don’t you dare try to pull something,” you warned him.

Still silent.

Sitting up on the bed, you shifted to take a peek over to see what Haechan was doing in his bed. But right before you could, Haechan shot his head up and went “Boo!” with eyes wide like saucers. He had been waiting on the stairs sneakily to scare you at the right time.

Usually, something like that would only have you startled and clutching your heart from the small scare. But adding up the tension from the scary story, you let out a long high-pitched scream.

Taeyong jolted up from the ground, rubbing his sleepy eyes when hearing your scream from inside the cabin, while Taeil pretended to continue sleeping. “I’m sure it’s because of Haechan,” he told his little brother, well aware of the mischievousness the young boy had in his eyes when telling the tale earlier.

Taeyong’s eyes were glued to the front door, wondering if he should go inside and check up on you or not, but that wasn’t necessary when it suddenly bursted open and you stormed right out. Your stomps softened when realizing that the owners of the cabin were outside and one of them was fast asleep, at least that was what you thought.

You sheepishly smiled at Taeyong and went to sit on a log near him. Taeyong cleared his throat and asked, “Are you okay? What happened?”

Letting out a constrained groan, you told him, “Haechan decided to scare me while I’m already...” you trailed off wondering if you sounded like a scaredy cat. “Sorry,” you mumbled, hanging your head low.

Taeyong shook his head feverishly. “No, don’t say sorry. There’s nothing to be sorry about. As long as you’re okay.”

You scoffed. “I wonder if I will be with the way my night is going. I’m too scared to sleep.” Just then, you heard something rustle from afar and you panicked, going into full alert mode as your heart raced. “What was that?”

Both you and Taeyong knew that it was only the leaves swaying due to the slight wind, but you couldn’t help thinking that it could be the damn Spearfinger. Taeyong frowned when seeing your distress, desperate to help you in any way possible and calm you down. “Y/N, want me to sleep next to you? I can save you from Spearfinger like the way I saved you from Dalmi,” he spoke softly, watching your reaction carefully with glimmering eyes.

You stilled at his words. Yes, you wanted that. Maybe Taeyong could help you fall fast asleep, knowing that you would be saved by him if anything were to happen. “Really? Can you?” Your voice was weak, hope bubbling in your chest to at last ease the nerve bundles in your body.

Taeyong smiled gently, giving you an assured nod. He would do anything to keep you safe. “Of course.” He readjusted the blanket on the ground and scooted over, patting on the space next to him. “Come here.”

You cautiously moved to lay down on the ground, your head resting on the pillow that he was previously using before he used his bent arm as one. You settled yourself comfortably beside his figure and he covered you with the spare blanket, sheltering your body from the slight chill of the night. Taeyong made sure that you were safe and warm before letting sleep take over.

Taeil opened his eyes to check up on his brother. He could read Taeyong easily and with full confidence knew that Taeyong was in love with you. So when Taeil found you cuddled against Taeyong’s warmth and Taeyong smiling like a child who received the biggest Christmas present ever, Taeil knew that it was time.

- ❀ -

You thanked Taeil for the breakfast, slowly spooning the rice porridge down your throat. Taeyong was out of sight, which disheartened you as your plan for today was to leave.

Haechan looked as if he hadn’t eaten anything in days with the way he scoffed the food down. “Woah, I didn’t realize I’d be this hungry. Thanks, Taeil.”

The older boy smiled. “No problem. I’m assuming you’ll be heading home now?”

Haechan nodded. “Yup. But it’d be a shame to not see Taeyong before we leave. Right noona?”

Your face didn’t change to mask the disappointment. Taeil noticed it, saying, “He’ll be back soon. He wanted to bring something for you, Y/N.”

You were surprised that the boy had gone out to get you something. What could he be possibly getting you?  

The door clicked open and your head whipped in that direction, finding the boy that you had been desperate to see before your departure. Abandoning your half-eaten meal, you rushed to Taeyong. “Where were you?” you asked him.

You didn’t notice that he had one hand behind his back, and when he brought it forward, you were stunned. In his grasp was an arrangement of the purple, pink and white wildflowers that you saw during your hike with him. “I got this for you,” he said, doing his best to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks.

Your heart beat erratically, making it harder to indifferently part ways soon. “Thank you so much, Taeyong.”

He pursed his lips, not knowing what else to say to you. And then he remembered something. “Oh! I found this phone. Is this Haechan’s?” Taeyong showed you the phone and Haechan gasped.

“That’s mine!” he shouted and jumped to his feet, making a dash to be reunited with the cellular device. “Thank you so much, Taeyong! Where did you find it?”

Taeyong smiled. “It seems like you lost it while we were hiking up to the flowers yesterday.”

That made sense to Haechan as he struggled to keep up with the difficult path and along the way, the phone slipped out of his pocket. “Ah! Right! Wow... Noona, he’s been so helpful ever since we got here. Isn’t he amazing?”

You let out a sad sigh and forced a small smile across your lips.

After breakfast, you and Haechan now stood right outside the cabin, preparing your heart to bid them farewell.

“I guess we’ll be leaving now,” you spoke weakly, trying your best to keep your tears at bay and not let them see.

Though, Taeyong could feel his heart agonize at the possibility of not seeing you again.

Haechan, like the sunshine he was, beamed at Taeil. “Thank you so much for everything, and for packing us some food.”

Taeil mirrored back a gentle smile. “Of course. Please come again.”

“We will.” Haechan turned to you and said, “Let’s go, noona.” With one final happy wave at the Tae brothers, he began travelling down the hill.

Your feet felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as it refused to listen to your assistant. With difficulty, you first thanked Taeil for all his kind gestures, and then landed your gaze on Taeyong, the uncomfortable ball rising quickly to your throat. “Thank you, Taeyong. For everything. Bye,” you curtly muttered and spun on your heel, taking slow steps away from them as your grasp on the wildflowers tightened.

Taeil watched his younger brother’s reaction carefully, noticing the shock registered on Taeyong’s face and the rise and fall of his chest as his breathing became heavier. Taeyong was desperate to do anything but say goodbye to you, but this was the reality that his poor heart had to soon accept.

That was when Taeil put his plan to action. “Y/N, wait!”

You stopped dead in your tracks and turned around, confused why he called for you.

Taeil smiled softly and asked, “How do you feel about taking Taeyong with you?”

You gaped at Taeil and your heart soared at the possibility of the moment not being the end to your love story. Meanwhile, Taeyong’s jaw dropped as he stared incredulously at his brother. “Hyung...”

Taeil had thought about it all night long and couldn’t bear to let the perfect opportunity go. “Taeyong, Mother always wished for us to live a better life. What’s better than Y/N being with you?”

Taeyong’s eyes welled up at the sacrifice his brother was making for him to live his life. But he didn’t want to leave his precious brother alone. “But hyung, what about you?”

Taeil chuckled quietly. “Don’t worry about me, really. I have Dalmi and the sheep. Mother and I will be so happy for you.”

Taeyong couldn’t bear to cage his emotions and wailed. “Hyung, thank you so much.”

Taeil laughed and wrapped his arms around his little brother, patting his head to soothe the big baby down. “Silly, if you miss me, tell them to bring you here for a visit.”

-

“Woah, that’s so cool of Taeil to do that. And Taeyong, you too. That’s a bold move, leaving your old life for the city,” Haechan remarked from the back seat.

Taeyong blushed as he kept his eyes fixed on the floral in his lap, holding it for you while your hands were fixed on the steering wheel. He side-glanced to see you smiling again, making him very happy to see you like this unlike your gloomy state earlier when you were to part ways with him.

You nodded brightly. “Yes Taeyong, I’ll make sure you’ll love the city so you won’t miss your old home much. I promise to take you to Taeil whenever you say.” You quickly glanced at him and added, “I don’t want to see you sad.”

Taeyong’s heart bloomed that you cared for him to a great extent. “Thanks,” he uttered ever so quietly.

Haechan raised a point. “What is Taeyong going to do? He doesn’t have any qualifications.”

You bobbed your head and thought of the greatest idea. “Didn’t you say he’s helpful? He can be our assistant.”

The young boy’s eyes bulged out in shock. “What? You’re gonna replace me? Not on my watch!” he yelled.

“No, dummy, I would never kick you out. I meant Taeyong can be like your assistant, so you’ll be teaching him things and have him run little errands. Basically, you’re his boss.”

Haechan calmed down immediately and leaned back into the leather seat, smirking. “Oh, I like that.”

You narrowed your eyes at him through the rear-view mirror. “Don’t you dare take advantage of it. He’s your hyung now.”

Taeyong listened to your conversation with Haechan quietly as he stared at the bundle of wildflowers that he brought for you, his eyes in particular glued to the pink chrysanthemums that you bought from a floral farm before leaving the mountains. He beamed at the idea of spending more time with you, his heart pounding and giddily bounced his feet as he stared out the window at the moving fields, waiting to start the next chapter of his life.

Once the car entered into the city, Taeyong’s eyes sparkled at the pretty downtown life, the polar opposite to what he had grown up to seeing on the mountains, even in the town situated near them. The town never had any building above three-storeys, pedestrians were scarce, and vehicles maneuvered around the one-lane streets for cars. Just meters away, his eyes took in the never-ending tall buildings, numerous pedestrians walking left and right, and multi-lane streets with cars, buses, and taxis.

Unlocking the door to your loft apartment, you stepped in, followed by Haechan with your backpack and a duffel that was supposed to have been used at the hotel, dumping the bags on the couch in the living space.

Taeyong timidly walked in with the flowers and a small bag, not owning many belongings and you made a mental note to take him shopping later. His eyes skimmed around the luxurious apartment and was in awe of how massive and elegant it was compared to the cabin. “This is your home?” he asked. It looked more like he was taken to a five-star hotel.

You pursed your lips and nodded. “Yup. I hope you’ll like it and it’ll feel like home for you soon.”

Taeyong tried to suppress his excitement as he didn’t mind being anywhere as long as it was with you.

“Oh right, you can give me the flowers. I’ll put them on display,” you said, stretching your arms out for them. He nodded and handed them over carefully. You headed for the kitchen to find a clear glass vase and he followed you like a cute puppy. Preparing the vase with cold water, you arranged the wildflowers so that the pink chrysanthemums stood out with one head sitting atop of the rest. Taeyong’s heart blossomed when seeing you adore the varieties. He loved spending time with nature and appreciating the beauty of the physical world with it.

Your fingertips felt the delicate petals and suddenly, an idea struck you. “Oh my God,” you breathed out and screamed for the assistant. “Haechan!”

He showed up quickly, looking panicked. “What happened?”

“Show Taeyong around. He can have the guest room.” You beamed as your heart pulsed with the adrenaline rush. “I’m going to get some work done.”

-

Haechan guided Taeyong to a room, a mahogany library and study space with brown leather couches and coffee tables. The older one was amazed by the vast bookcases to hold thousands of books for you. Haechan made a beeline to a particular section, his fingers running along the spines of the books that you wrote. “These are noona’s,” he informed proudly. “She uses this room to relax, get ideas, and of course read. She usually uses the small den we have to write without distractions.”

Taeyong slowly sauntered up to your books, his fingers glazing over the endless hours of your diligence and passion. “She did all this?”

Haechan smiled and nodded like a happy child. “This is all thanks to the assistance I provided her. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be selling such successful stories. Now that you’re here, let’s help noona write even more stories so she can keep treating us to good stuff.”

- ❀ -

Taking a writing break, you drove your two assistants to a shopping center, particularly for the newbie. You held shirts after shirts against Taeyong’s chest, nodding in approval of ones that looked good on him and chucked it at Haechan to hold. You found it cute that Taeyong looked like a baby new to the world, his eyes lighting up when seeing products like watches and jewelry sparkle under the store lighting. Every item that had him captivated, you would try to buy it all for him, only to have him persistently stop you after seeing its price tag and reasoned that he would never wear such luxuries on him.

After having dinner at a restaurant that had Taeyong exploding with animated expressions, evidently displaying his love for the new tastes, it was time to wrap up for the night. You headed to check up on Taeyong in the guest room, only to find him grimly sitting cross-legged on the bed with his head hanging low. You knocked on the open door with worry, and he looked up, giving you a small forced smile.

“What’s wrong?” you asked gently and walked up to him, sitting beside him on the bed.

He hugged his legs to his chest, hoping that it would give him some comfort. “I miss hyung. I’m worried if he’s okay.”

That was bound to happen and luckily, you had prepared for it. “Don’t worry about him. I gave him mine and Haechan’s phone number so he’d call us whenever he’s in town by a phone booth.”

Taeyong looked at you in surprise. “You did?”

You smiled and nodded. “He promised he’ll call us everyday so you two can check up on each other. He knew you were going to worry so he told me to tell you this.”

He chuckled quietly, releasing a huge relieved breath. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, to make you feel better?”

Taeyong hummed for a bit, debating whether to tell you or not. “There is but... I don’t know if you’re okay with it.”

“I’m sure I will be. What is it?”

With hesitant eyes, he faintly asked, “Can you tell me a bedtime story?”

You blinked at his adorable request. “Bedtime story?” you asked with a growing smile.

He timidly nodded. “Hyung would always tell me one whenever I had trouble sleeping. I’m sorry if it’s too much to ask,” he muttered while fidgeting with his fingers.

Taeyong’s cuteness was too much for you to handle, and so you gently pinched his cheek, making him startle. “Sorry, it’s just such a cute request. Of course, I can tell you a bedtime story. If I couldn’t, I’d doubt my capabilities as a writer.”

His lips stretched so wide that you were afraid it’d rip apart if it went any broader, his nose scrunching up slightly with his eyes forming beautiful crescents.

After a while, Haechan was searching for you, not finding you anywhere. He thought about asking Taeyong in his room and that was where he found you, sitting against the headboard of the bed with Taeyong’s head in your lap and your hand resting on his hair where you were previously stroking him gently while telling him a story. Both of you now sound asleep.

- ❀ -

Taeyong looked up at the scary menu board, his heart racing with anxiety. He turned to you, silently asking for help with puppy eyes and a small pout. You chuckled and asked him, “Do you like sweet or bitter?”

His face cringed at the mention of bitter. “I love sweet.”

Nodding, your eyes scanned over the drinks menu and asked the barista for a caramel frappuccino and americano, adding a sliced chocolate cake. “I think you’ll like what I picked. Of course, not the americano.”

Before ending up at a café, you were working in the den when Taeyong suddenly showed up and he wanted to watch you work. He would just sit quietly next to you as he watched you type, but his mere presence was a huge distraction for you. It felt as if you were ignoring a ball of fluff, one that didn’t need your attention... but your attention needed it. That was when you decided to take Taeyong around the streets.

While waiting for your order at a table, Taeyong heard some sounds of girls whispering and giggling among themselves at a table behind you. He leaned his body to the side to take a curious peek at them and noticed that they were actually looking straight at him. One of the girls let out a squeak and covered her mouth when seeing Taeyong look right at them.

He grew anxious and shrunk himself in his seat, hoping your body would block him from the girls’ view. You noticed what he was doing and figured out what was going on based on the hushed noises behind you. “Taeyong?”

He nervously met your gaze.  

You sent him a reassuring smile. “Just like the way you protected me on the mountains, I’ll protect you in the city. Including those girls.”

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night Chapter 2

Chapter 2: “어제와 같은 하늘색인데”

[eojewa gateun haneulsaeginde]

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Pairing: Idol!Namjoon x Female Reader

Rating: M (explicit language, future explicit sexual scenes)

Status: COMPLETE

Warnings/spoilers: mention of members’ girlfriends: Jin, J-Hope, and Jungkook all have girlfriends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Two Years Later…-

Seoul, South Korea

This elevator was going so slow. I knew I shouldn’t have stopped for coffee. I was doing so well on time, but my caffeine addiction got the best of me. Everything had gone smoothly, right up until I left the café. At leaving, fans recognized me—mask and all! Of course, I couldn’t ignore them, so I engaged with them and it took a good while to make my way to my car.

Pretty sure I could have arrived faster if I had a driver, but the American side of me prided herself in independence and refused to hire a private driver. My manager, Kyongsoo, and I got into many arguments regarding this. I had been living in Seoul for close to two years. I had come here for inspiration and wanted the freedom to go and see whatever I wanted in my own time.

I came to Seoul because as an artist, I wanted to challenge myself. I had sold millions of albums worldwide, won multiple awards, and performed in sold-out stadiums around the globe. My contract with my old label had expired and for many reasons, I chose not to renew it. One of the reasons I hadn’t was I had hit a wall—I didn’t know what my next album would contain. I had sung about topics important to me: self-worth, women empowerment, and toxic relationships. I didn’t know what else to write about.

After months of therapy with Dr. Rob, I figured this artistic wall was one of the reasons for my panic attack two years ago. I believed the biggest hurdle I needed to overcome was my creativity. While he believed my panic attacks were deeply rooted in something else, he did agree with me that music was a big component and pushed me to discuss my concerns with other music friends. I had the tendency to never speak about my troubles to my closest friends. It would be good for my mental health to talk openly about my problems to loved ones.

It had been uncomfortable doing this, but I did it. I voiced my concerns to a few friends and one of them, Namjoon, suggested moving to Korea. He believed the change in scenery would benefit me. As a songwriter, my creative mind would remain active. I had written for other artists in the past, so this wouldn’t be too new for me. Plus, I wasn’t a stranger to Korea. I had visited the country regularly since my teens. Dr. Rob had agreed a change would be good for me, so as long as we continued our sessions through video chat.

So, I packed up and moved to Seoul in January 2020. I was supposed to be here for 6 months, but everything changed in such a short time. I ended up staying longer due to the pandemic. My tourist visa became a long-term visa. It should have all felt like a nightmare, but it had become a blessing. My creativity had come back from working with other artists. I helped create music I was proud of. And while I still had felt no inspiration to write music for myself, my sense of worth had come back.

But my days in Korea were numbered. My Visa was expiring in a few months. I wasn’t sure what was to come after. Would I return to the States? Extend my Visa for another six months?

Thinking about whether I was going to be leaving Korea caused my heart rate to increase. I settled myself and remembered the steps Dr. Rob had worked with me.

After some months of therapy with Dr. Rob, I had viewed a change in my anxiety. I was calmer. Namjoon had been right: therapy had helped my quality of life. I was forever grateful to my friend for helping push me to get the help I needed.

A sudden ring echoed around me, signaling I had arrived at my floor. It was the noise that I needed to bring me to the present. I hurried to the meeting room. Thankfully, I wasn’t the last to arrive. I greeted everyone and they welcomed me as I made my way to an empty chair. I was about to sit down when I heard someone call out ‘noona’. There were less than a dozen people present, and I was the only female, so I knew it was directed at me.

Taehyung was looking right at me and making a motion with his hand, pointing to a chair closer to him. “Noona,” he repeated.

I didn’t understand why it mattered where I sat but seeing that I adored Tae like a little brother, I often gave in to whatever he wanted. I walked to the chair he wanted me to sit in.

Hoseok waved at me excitedly. It had been a good while since we last hung out; I made a mental note to ask him and his girlfriend if they wanted to come over sometime this week so we could catch up. Yoongi was to Hobi’s right and he was still as a statue. His eyes met mine, but he gave no wave or nod. He liked to ignore me a lot of the time, so I sent him a finger heart. If I didn’t have the mask on and if we were in a more relaxed environment, I would have blown him a kiss, knowing full well it would annoy him. When he saw my finger heart, he turned away.

I next caught eyes with Jin. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds when I finally winked at him. He turned a bit shy and laughed at the fact that I had beat him on winking at him first.

The last person I caught eyes with was Namjoon. I waved at him as he sent me a nod.

The doors opened and we all turned to find the two final members enter. Jimin and Jungkook apologized as they made their way to their seats. As Jimin passed me, I stuck my foot out a little, making him trip. Jungkook gave a low laugh watching his friend almost fall. Jimin sent me a “death stare” and shook his finger at me. “Noona…” he chided.

Jungkook pushed him forward and waved at me as he did so.

“Hi, cutie,” I whispered to him in English. It was a nickname I used on all three of the youngest in the group. Despite all of them being in their mid-20s, I would always view them as little brothers.

The moment Jimin and Jungkook sat down, the meeting started.

The concept for the guys' album had been decided on. It would be an anthology of the group’s work with only a few new songs included. A few ideas had been thrown around as to what old tracks would be included, but the guys still hadn’t collectively decided. Seeing this was going to be an important album and they were perfectionists, they wanted to get the track list right.

During the meeting, many thoughts were voiced about what type of new songs could be written. A good idea suggested was for the group to leave Seoul for a few days for a songwriting bootcamp. It would allow the band time away from distractions and to focus.

The guys liked the idea, but insisted they wanted little to no staff, nor cameras. Only songwriters and producers were welcome. The staff did not take much to convince. They tended to follow whatever wishes the seven men wanted. However, Sihyuk had a different approach.

“How about if there were cameras in the studio room? Only while you record. You can turn them off and on whenever you want,” he explained. “This way, it allows us to show the fans the creative process if we decide to do so in the future.”

The guys looked at each other, specifically at Namjoon. It didn’t take long for them to agree on the compromise.

The meeting was getting near the end. I was doing my best to keep up with my notes.

“Maya, do you have any suggestions?” asked Sihyuk.

In the twenty months I had lived in Korea, I had worked alongside Sihyuk numerous times on songs for his artists. Even though Sihyuk was an important man, he was easygoing and approachable. He was unlike most department heads I had the misfortune of knowing.

I answered his question, “Maybe each member can take lead in a workshop.”

Sihyuk looked intrigued. “What do you mean?”

I voiced the idea I had been thinking of the last few days. “It seems as if the guys all have different ideas on what they would like to include in the album. Let’s have them each come up with an idea or two and present it to the members. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a new song, just an idea for the album—whether that’s the track list or visuals or music video concept.”

The guys nodded, liking the idea.

And then I brought up an unspoken topic that everyone was uncomfortable talking about. “The future is unclear of where the group as a unit will be in a year or two years from now.” I could feel the shift in the air, see everyone’s bodies tense. “This will be the last time in a good while that all of them will be making new music together. I think this project deserves several days of work. It might get emotional,” I said, quickly looking over at Namjoon.

I remembered the last time I was in the room with him while he was writing a song.

~~~~~

(Early in the year…)

I was in the HYBE building working on music for another artist. It was lunch time and figured I would check on the guys to see if they were free to eat with me. After messaging with Hobi, I knew some of the guys were at working on a new song.

I entered the studio expecting high energy or excitement; however, I walked into a room full of a solemn atmosphere. Even Hobi wasn't his cheery self.

“What’s up?” I asked with caution.

Namjoon and Yoongi were sitting at the desk, looking down at some notes, scratching their heads and frowns on each of their faces. They didn’t even acknowledge my presence.

“They’re at a block,” Hobi answered, closing the door behind me.

Right at that moment, Yoongi let out a grunt and tossed down his pen. “Nothing good is coming out. I’m just going to submit my part as it is.”

Namjoon slouched more on his chair and he too let out a grunt as he shook his head in frustration. “It shouldn’t be this difficult.”

Yoongi got up from his chair. “We can’t do anything about it right now. It’s only going to get more frustrating. Maybe a small break will be good.”

Namjoon shook his head. “I’ll continue working on it a little more.”

“Do what you feel is best,” Yoongi said to him. He turned and finally acknowledged me. “You want to get lunch with us?”

I shook my head and turned to Namjoon. His neck hung off the chair as he massaged his forehead. I hadn’t seen him this stressed before when writing a song; it was concerning.

Yoongi followed my gaze. “Namjoonie will be alright. Just needs a breather. Maybe he’ll listen to you, though.” He gave me a pat on the arm and he and Hobi headed out.

I took Yoongi’s chair and sat in silence as Namjoon kept his eyes closed and tried to gather his emotions and thoughts.

It took a good while for him to straighten up on his chair. When he finally opened his eyes, he looked surprised at my presence. “I thought you left with Yoongi and Hobi.”

“I ate already,” I said, hoping my stomach didn’t make a noise and give me away.

“Liar,” he accused.

I smiled. He knew me well. And if he knew me well enough to know my lies, then he knew me well enough to know I wasn’t going to leave him alone at the moment. “What’s going on?”

He let out a heavy sigh. “This new song we’re set to release…I just can’t seem to write anything for it. The lyrics are to be bland with a pop sound to it. It’s just…” He stopped himself. He didn’t want to say anything too negative.

It had been over a year since my move to Korea and we had gotten quite close. Close enough for me to notice when Namjoon kept himself from being too open and honest. He didn’t like being pessimistic. He felt if he let his thoughts get too dark, it would lead him to his depression. He tried to be as positive as possible.

I didn't think it was a good thing to suppress emotions, though. They needed to be let out from time to time. “What?” I pushed.

He shook his head slightly. “I just want something…else…something more. The beat is there, and it will make people feel good. But the lyrics could be better—I think. There’s no meat to it.” There was a look of slight anger in his eyes, but he kept himself from staring at me for too long.

I let his words sit for a moment as I processed what the problem was. When I finally got it, I was sure how to answer, “Not all songs have to be deep, Namjoon. People, your fans, appreciate the deep meaningful ones that move them. But it was a tough year. During the dark days, sometimes you want to forget your problems and go somewhere happy to forget for a moment.”

“It just doesn’t seem genuine,” he immediately responded.

I nodded. “You’re right. But what’s wrong with pretending for a few minutes? You guys shoot 45-minute episodes of Run BTS with the intention to make people happy, right? How is releasing a 3-minute song any different?”

He didn’t reply, only sat there as if processing what I had said.

“You focus too much on the deep, profound, and heartbreaking emotions we humans go through. But the silly, fun moments need attention as well from time to time.”

It took a good while, but his mood changed slightly.

I managed to convince him to take a lunch with me. He was almost back to normal, but there was an aura around him that left me unsettled for him.

~~~~~~~

The song they had worked on earlier this year had become a global hit and Namjoon had eventually grown to embrace it. But that day had been the start of my suspicions that something wasn’t right. Something was off, and I still hadn't figured out what it was.

Namjoon spoke up at the meeting. “She’s right. We wanted to send a positive message out this summer, despite our own emotions going up and down…,” his words trailed off for a moment, keeping himself from saying something. He looked to think first and then continued. “It’s best if we kept the amount of people working on this project limited. I agree with Maya that emotions are going to come up.”

I could see the guys’ bodies stiffen. Jin began to blink repeatedly, a habit he exhibited when his nerves took over. Hobi’s leg began to shake as he moved his eyes downward. Jimin, Tae, and Jungkook’s eyes all glanced over at their leader, Jin, and Yoongi with a look of worry. Namjoon’s neck tightened. Yoongi appeared calm and collected, but I knew him well enough to tell by the way his arms were crossed that he was tense.

I was sure the worry had to be about Jin’s military enlistment. His and Yoongi's. It was a sensitive topic for the guys to discuss even with me. I wanted to talk about it, but I was always given a vague answer. I wasn’t sure if they didn’t want to discuss it because they themselves didn’t want to or because the label was preventing them to. And as much as I wanted to know my friends’ plan, I respected their wishes and didn’t push the matter.

Namjoon continued to speak but did so more slowly, wanting to ensure he kept himself calm. “We want to enjoy the rest of this year, regardless of what happens the year after. And in order to do so, I think some time away will do us good. This album is going to be the end of an era for us; it’s going to be emotionally draining.”

The members nodded in agreement.

Sihyuk also agreed. “Everyone going on this trip, please be sure to write down any materials you might need for this project so we can ensure you have it before you leave.”

We went on to discuss a little more detail about the workshops. It was decided unanimously that every member would take the lead in at least one workshop. I would be assisting some of the guys. And because of this, I was to go on the trip with them all week long, while the other producers would appear for a couple of days.

When the details were noted, Sihyuk asked, “Does anyone have anything else to add?”

Everyone was quiet.

“So, it’s settled. The guys will go on this trip, along with Maya. PDogg and Rabbit will be there for a couple of the workshops. We’ll use the Soop property. It’s big enough for everyone to be comfortable. And we’ll increase security.” He stood up. “It was a great meeting, everyone. Thank you all for your work.”

As some of Big Hit Music staff began to exit, I made my way over to the members.

Taehyung greeted me with a warm hug. “Hi, noona.”

I hugged him back, tightly. “Hi, cutie. How are you?” I asked.

Seeing him up close, I was getting a sense that something was off.

He gave me a soft look. “I’m doing ok. Today is a little rough.”

I rubbed his back in comfort. “I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

Tae shook his head slightly. “No. I’m trying to focus on the good. This trip will be good. I’ll get to see you more. I forget you live here. Namjoonie-hyung keeps you to himself,” he said with a teasing look and low enough so only I could hear.

I gave him a look of warning.

In the many years of knowing Namjoon, I had always had a small crush on him. The crush came in small waves, never lasting and never too intense. I always made sure to smash it before it got too serious. I had never admitted it to anyone, but I never denied it either when the guys voiced their suspicions. However, it was one thing for the guys to tease me about it in private and another to say it in front of Big Hit employees. Sure, the staff had all signed NDAs which kept the guys' privacy well-protected. But if the wrong person heard the wrong thing, the tabloids would have a field day. Taehyung knew this, so I was annoyed he would take a risk and say something with staff members so close.

Taehyung caught on to my concern. He looked around, taking note who was still in the room. “No one here cares,” he assured me.  

“No one cares about what?” asked Jungkook as he appeared behind me.

The boy was tall, so it was easy for him to place his chin on top of my head. His arms hugged me around the shoulders from behind.

Tae looked at me with a teasing smile. “Noona and Namjoonie-hyung hanging out a lot.”

I noticed the last of the staff leave, so I relaxed a bit. I let out a dramatic sigh. “I’m not good enough for him.” I could play around now that we were alone.

“You’re good enough for anyone,” Taehyung said defensively. He disliked when the people he cared for said anything negative about themselves—even in a joking matter.

Jungkook hugged me a little tighter. “The two should really start dating.”

Hobi appeared. “Who should date? Namjoonie and Mai-Mai?” he looked at me and laughed, calling me by their nickname for me. “Mai-Mai is too forward. Too scary.”

I sent him a glare. “Do you want to die? Ask Jungkook how strong my right hook is.” I shared Jungkook’s interest in boxing and on the rare times I went to the gym, I tagged along with him to box alongside him.

Jungkook laughed and pushed away from me. “Scary noona,” he said in English. He often said that when I boxed.

“Why is Maya scary?” came a deep voice.

Namjoon appeared at Tae’s other side and placed his hand on top of Tae’s shoulders.

“Mai-Mai is scary when she’s boxing,” Jungkook said. “You’ll see when we go to the forest. She looks terrifying.”

I rolled my eyes. “I do not look terrifying.”

“You do when you’re mad,” Hobi teased.

“Noona is very frightening when she’s angry,” came Jimin’s voice as he joined the group.

He was cute as a button, but I had no problem kicking him if he annoyed me too much.

“Remember when she almost got into a fight in that parking lot.” Jin was now a part of the discussion. He and Yoongi had joined the circle.

Not this story again. “I wasn’t going to fight the guy.”

There had been an incident many years ago that involved a rude guy in a parking lot. I had had a screaming match with him, despite the fact he had been twice my size. The guys thought I had been some sort of badass but they overexaggerated the story.

After several seconds of them laughing at me, Namjoon quieted everyone down. “Ok, ok. Let’s not get Mai-Mai upset or she’ll really start punching us.”

They all settled down.

“Eat?” Jungkook asked enthusiastically in English.

“I’m hungry,” Jin said rubbing his belly. “Who’s going? Yoongi made the reservations.”

Most of the group raised their hands.

Hobi looked at my raised hand. “You changed your appointment?”

I nodded. “Yups. I went to the dentist yesterday, so I’m free tonight.”

“Sorry, there’s no room,” Yoongi said with a deadpan tone.

This was our relationship: he was a jerk to me and I was an ass back.

“It’s alright. I’ll take your spot,” I retorted.

He looked unimpressed; his eyes halfway closed. “I’m the one who made the reservation.”

“We’ll just say Jimin is you. He’s the same height. I mean, his happy attitude will be a dead giveaway he’s not a crabby old grandpa, but we can make sure he doesn’t speak.”

The guys stood back and enjoyed our banter.

Yoongi didn’t respond, just continued to look bored with me and turned away.

I loved messing with him. “Yoongi, don’t give me attitude. I promise I’ll tell you I love you and kiss you on the cheek in front of everyone.”

That got a reaction out of him. His head snapped at me with a look full of disgust.

He knew I meant it; I had done it before.

Everyone laughed. Hobi clapped at the entertainment.

“I’ll make room, I’ll make room!” Yoongi promised.

Tae was wiping away tears of laughter. It was nice to see him in a lighter mood.

“Ok, who is going again? Raise both hands if your girlfriends are going. I’ll call the restaurant,” Yoongi said as he reached for his phone.

We all raised our hands, with some of the guys raising both arms.

Jungkook frowned at Namjoon’s raised hand, who a moment ago had not raised it. “I thought you were going to the studio.”

Namjoon shook his head. “And miss out on Maya kissing Yoongi-hyung?”

Yoongi looked “irritated”. “There will be no kissing. I want ten meters between us,” he warned as he motioned to an invisible wall between me and him.

I took a step forward with open arms and stepped forward, pushing through the invisible wall.

“Don’t!” Yoongi swatted me away as he dodged me.

He moved ahead of us and got out of the room, putting his phone to his ear as he made a call.

We all followed him out. And as we walked, I noticed Namjoon was behind with Taehyung.

I turned slightly to see what was going on between them.

Namjoon had his arm around his younger brother and rubbing his shoulder. I could hear Namjoon’s soothing voice but couldn’t hear the words. I noticed Tae’s becoming calm.

Namjoon always had the gift of soothing someone. His gift of words mixed incredibly well with his tone. It had worked on me.

“Hey, baby. We’re done and going to restaurant. Are you ready?”

The sudden English made me turn away from Namjoon. Having lived in Korea for a good while, hearing my primary language usually perked my interest.

I found it had been Jungkook who was speaking. He was a few feet from me and on the phone, surely talking to his European girlfriend, Yuna**.

“I can give her a ride,” I offered. Since I had my car, I might as well take in company. I knew how much Yuna disliked using the group’s drivers. She was a member of the Big Hit staff and able to call the company’s drivers whenever she wanted, but she was humble and preferred to take a taxi or walk rather than bother someone else. It was one of the many qualities of hers that I took a liking to.

Jungkook turned to me, looking grateful. “Maya-noona say she give you ride. No need for driver if you do not want.”

I could hear Yuna respond to Jungkook. He turned to me to give me a thumbs up. “We will be in parking garage…shortly.” He gave a wide smile, proud to have used the word correctly.

His English was improving and seeing how proud he was at his advancement made him adorable. I couldn’t help myself; I reached over and pinched his cheek.

He let me. “See you soon. Bye.” He hung up and thanked me for offering to drive her.

When we got to the garage, we split up. The guys went to their cars while I stayed by the elevators, waiting for Yuna. I could see Jungkook’s car hadn't left yet. I knew he was waiting for his girlfriend. Another thing I found endearing.

It didn’t take too long for her to arrive.

Yuna was of average height and built. She had a pretty face but wasn’t stunning. Jungkook’s prior girlfriends had been gorgeous but not very smart. This new girlfriend had more brains than looks and it was a plus. We greeted each other with a hug and exchanged pleasantries. I turned to Jungkook’s car and gave a small wave as Yuna and I walked over to my car.

At the signal, the car drove off. Yuna and I climbed into my vehicle.

“I wish I could drive. But Seoul is a little too scary,” Yuna said in her Norwegian accent.

“You get accustomed to it,” I said. “The neglect of the turning signal was the hardest thing to get over, but now it’s just slightly annoying.”

We made small talk on our way to the restaurant. Despite Yuna and Jungkook dating for well over a year, I hadn’t hung out much with her. Now that their relationship was more settled, the pair weren’t glued to the hip as much as before, so it was nice to get more one-on-one with her.

“I hear you’ve met new friends,” I said to Yuna as I turned the corner. We were just a few blocks from the restaurant.

“Yes,” she answered. “They’re European as well. We met through Facebook. They’re a nice group. I love hanging out with the guys and being around the staff but it’s nice to have friends that are outside of the BTS world.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I adore those boys, but too much of them drives me nuts.”

“I hear you and Namjoon spend a lot of time together; is he driving you nuts?” There was a teasing tone in her voice.

I shook my head. “What lies has JK been feeding you?”

She laughed. “He’s pointed out a few things.”

I let out a sigh. “Namjoon and I are just friends. I like flirting with him because it’s easy to embarrass him. We spend a lot of time together because we have a lot in common and don’t have significant others. We hang out by default.”

“Sometimes best friends make the best boyfriends,” she said as we arrived at the parking lot.

“Maybe, but not for us. We’re buddies. Namjoon is not interested in me. He has a type and if I showed you pictures, you would see he has as type and would agree I don’t fit into that type.”

It was true. All of Namjoon’s exes were of average height, straight hair, small face, wide-eyed, innocent looking, quiet, and reserved. I was none of those things.

“Is he your type?” Yuna asked with a smile.

I found a good spot. “I don’t even know what my type is. I’ve dated Latinos, white, black. I’ve dated a lawyer, an actor, an investor. I don’t think I have a type.”

“So why can’t Namjoon be a guy you date?” she asked as I put my car in park.

“There’s no physical attraction,” I lied, ignoring the small crush I had on him.

“I’ve seen him stare at your ass and chest plenty of times.”

It was a good thing I had already parked. “What?!”

Yuna laughed. “I’m joking, I’m joking.”

I let out a noise of irritation. “You and Jungkook are made for each other.”

She smiled like it was the biggest compliment.

We made our way into the restaurant, being escorted to a private room.

At entering and seeing his girlfriend, Jungkook got up and pulled out the chair next to him for her. She made her way over to him and gave him a kiss as she sat down.

It was sweet seeing them be so lovey-dovey. It had been two years since my last serious relationship. There were times I missed the intimacy. I had been on a few dates in Korea but none of them worked out. I was convinced I was just picky. It might take a good while before I was in another serious relationship.

“Maya,” someone called out my name.

I turned and saw Namjoon motioning to the chair next to him and Hobi. I walked over and was about to reach for the chair, but Namjoon beat me to it. Ever the gentleman.

I gave him a smile as a thank you. But then turned to Hobi and gave him a light smack on the arm. “Learn from Namjoon and Jungkook.”

Hobi rubbed his arm dramatically and pouted. “You want a kiss too?” He puckered his lips and leaned toward me.

I blocked his face from getting any closer. He didn’t put up much of a struggle.

“It’s not a kiss from you she wants, hyung,” said Jimin. His eyes twinkled as he stared at me.

He was the perfect example of why I was grateful I didn’t grow up with younger brothers.

“She will have to wait. Kookie will eat and breath will have garlic,” Yuna said in broken Korean. “You don’t want kiss from him. Wait for his brush teeth.”

We all laughed. The girl had a good sense of humor. Her Korean was improving.

The next hour was spent eating, talking, and laughing. It had been a while since this large number of us had gotten together. I was grateful the laws had become looser.

Next to me, Namjoon seemed to be more into his kalguksu than any of the other dishes. Summer was going to be ending soon; I was positive he was wanting to enjoy the summer soup for as long as he could.

I usually didn’t eat so much but since it was a special occasion, I treated myself to seconds of the mandu. But after one more, I had hit my limit. I fell back onto my chair and contemplated whether to take the leftovers home or ask someone if they wanted to finish them. Next to me, I noticed Namjoon pushing his bowl of soup closer to me and motioning me to take a bite. My stomach made a growl at me, warning me to leave the soup alone, but my heart wouldn’t listen. Koreans were the same as Mexican women; you rejected their food offers and you might as well tell them you hated them.

I let out a heavy sigh and took a bite from the soup. It was really tasty.

Looking up, I noticed Namjoon staring at me, waiting for my approval. I gave a thumbs up.

His dimpled smile told me he was satisfied with my reaction.

I pushed my plate of mandu over to him.

Unlike me, he didn’t hesitate. He dove right in, widening his mouth but taking the biggest small bite. I tried not to laugh at how silly he ate.

He looked at the rest of my plate. “Are you done?”

I nodded. “Knock yourself out. I’m stuffed.”

“Girl, that’s how you remain in great shape—you don’t eat much,” he said, taking a swift look at my stomach and going back to his food.

“I do too,” I argued. “I just watch what I eat. I hate working out.”

“Weren’t you just in the gym a couple of days ago with Namjoonie?” asked Jin from the other side of the table.

“Only because he made me,” I pouted.

“You felt great afterward,” Namjoon stated. “You’re welcome,” he said with a smile.

“I felt like I wanted to die.” When it came to exercise, I was a drama queen.

Next to me, Hobi agreed. “Seriously, I feel the same after the gym. It’s torture.”

“Wish I could take only dance instead so I don’t have to bother with the workouts,” I whined.

“You would still need the workouts for your core. Don’t dancers still need to go to the gym to be able to execute their routines?” Namjoon said logically.

I just stared at him, annoyed with his valid points.

Namjoon caught onto my mood and simply laughed at it. “You’re cute when you get bothered.” He reached over and pinched my cheeks.

I backed away. “Don’t call me cute.”

“You call me cute all the time,” Jimin pointed out, his mouth full of whatever he was eating.

“You like being called cute,” I reminded him.

We went on to banter for a bit longer, until normal conversations began.

As my group of friends spoke amongst themselves, I took my phone out and took several pictures while they weren’t looking. I personally disliked selfies and posing for pictures. I preferred capturing moments; more realistic rather than trying to create an image.

Most didn’t notice me taking the photos—Jimin had caught me a couple of times and made faces to the camera. I turned to my left, seeing Namjoon looking ahead towards Jin as they conversed. The lighting in the room was hitting Namjoon’s cap perfectly, creating lovely shadows along his profile. His hooded eyes, smooth nose, round cheek, and slender chin were like a painting. I couldn’t help taking multiple photos of him from different angles.

He caught on quickly. He knew my distaste for looking at the camera, so he humored me and posed. All that idol training was coming out for my benefit.

“Maiwi is Namjoonie’s personal photographer,” Jin teased.

“Some of those pictures he posts look like an amateur took them,” Yoongi teased.

“Those would be Yongrae’s. He still takes pictures like he’s in high school,” I half-joked.

It was kind of true. In the last two years, our friend Yongrae and I were primarily the ones who took the photos Namjoon posted on social media. Yongrae took alright photos but he tended to take photos that were more staged.

I got close to Namjoon’s face, my body almost sitting on top of the table as I leaned into him. I could have zoomed in with the camera, but where was the fun in that? His face was resting lightly on his hand, his long-sleeve shirt covering his chin and his fingers curling but relaxing on his upper cheek. He was looking away from me. Click.

“Handsome,” I let out without thinking and positive only he could hear me.

His brown eyes swiftly shifted to my own; the shade of them looked more of cocoa, warmer than usual.

Click.

Yeah, this was now my new favorite photo of him.

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

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