#[ its almost 6am I should go back to bed! be back to write more my loves! ]

[spiderwarden]

not me thinking of a baby Minthara being introduced to Yvonnel for the first time.

[pigeonpeach]

Mother and Father

A/n: Its genuinely wild to me how i went from like only porn bots following me to like actually 291 followers! It almost doesn’t feel real but I’m so grateful for you all! I held a poll earlier to determine who’d id write for as celebration for the milestone and arlecchino won! So here it is!

Prompt: how I met your mother

Arlecchino x fem reader

Your job wasn’t too easy, but it also wasn’t too hard. You loved kids. You found their antics amusing, you found it hard to suppress a smile when they looked so cute. With Arlecchino’s most recent addition: Lyney and Lynette however is when you truly came out of your shell.

The children watched as you sewed together their favorite teddy bear. A disagreement earlier led to the bear torn right down the middle.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” one child cowered.

“You know better now, you guys have to be careful with these. We don’t get toys too often now.” You gently scolded. The other children seemed a bit surprised. Including the guilty ones.

“So… you aren’t mad?”

“Not that much. You’re kids, its natural that you may wreck your belongings. You must learn to be more careful and how to repair them. But you are too young Talia, I’ll teach you how to sew when you get a bit older. Then you can repair your own toys.” You pat her on the head.

“I’m sorry.. I’ll do better next time.” Talia looked down as you raised her face to meet yours.

“I’m not mad Talia, i just want you to be more careful next time that’s all. Okay?” You changed your tone to be more sweet. Talia teared up a bit. You out the bear aside as you used your hands to wipe her tears, you placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Okay… can I help in some way?” She asked.

“Yes. I want you to gather all the stuffing Mr Bear lost so i can put it back in him. Okay?” You said. She nodded as she set off to retrieve it.

It didn’t take too long for the kids to like you. You were sweet and soft spoken. Your hold was gentle and loving, and they’d come to love your kisses. Especially Lyney.

“Lyney you know you should be asleep, your father won’t like it if you wake up too early.” You gently chided. He stubbornly attached himself to your thigh even more so. “Lyney you know I can’t just stand around all day. I have to make breakfast.” You couldn’t even kneel down.

“No..no… where my lynette… wheres my sister?” He cried. You brushed his hair lovingly.

“Your sister is in the girl’s barracks now. I’m sorry it must be hard to get used to that.” You knelt down carefully as he nuzzled his face against you.

“Can.. I see her? Please?” He looked at you so sweetly how could you resist. You picked him up, resting him against your chest as you headed over to where Lynette would be.

“Just be quiet now. We don’t want to wake anyone up.” You said.

“Why are you up then? Father won’t let us out until 6am.”

“Because I’m her employee, you, are her child. My job is to prepare you all breakfast. And my only help is sick today.” You sighed. Lyney seemed to think for a bit.

“Maybe i could help you?” He said. You thought about it. It would be better than nothing.

“Alright then. Just be sure to not let Father catch you out so late.” You smiled. Opening the door to the girl’s barracks, you noticed Lynette stood up from her bed. Quietly she crawled off her bed and trotted over to you, her little tail swaying in a excited manner. You felt your heart melt seeing how happy she looked to see her brother. This was their first night apart. You gently let Lyney down as he immediately hugged her.

“Brother, did you sleep?” She asked innocently.

“Not well. I kept having nightmares.” He said. She seemed to understand. “Lynette, we must help today.” Lyney leaned into Lynette’s ear “She said she has to prepare breakfast alone.” He said. Lynette seemed to agree.

“Well you don’t have to. You two could just go back to sleep.” You said. They shook their head.

“No no.. we must help.” Lynette said. You sighed. You couldn’t say no to them. They were just cute and determined, Lynette in particular was such a cutie with the bowtie on her tail. You struggled to maintain your composure as your instincts screamed at you to just pepper kisses on her cute little face and hug her tightly. But you held back.

“Alright just be quiet.” You said. The three of you now set off to the kitchen. You realized quickly that it’d be difficult for them to help given how short they are.

Nonetheless the twins were persistent. They cracked the eggs with caution. Lyney eagerly scrambling them as you prepared the wok for it. Its not easy cooking for so many children. But you’ve gotten used to it. A lot of what they eat is prepared by rations sent by various companies partnered with the Fatui. But the children always preferred fresh scrambled eggs than the ones in the rations, you noticed that when you do so they’re far happier and more well behaved. The only problem is how much that requires.

“We’ve finished the first batch.” Lynette held out the bowl of liquid eggs with pride as you smiled. There was thankfully no shells you could spot. But you trusted she would notice. Lynette was the most observant.

“Hmmm.. yes this is satisfactory indeed. Get to start on the next one and we should be finished.” You said.

The children were delighted to have fresh eggs ready for them. Even if they weren’t actually fresh but just warm. You helped portion out each child’s plate which took almost forever. But hearing their happy little ‘thank you’s helped you feel better. The room was filled with chatter and laughter.

“I worry you spoil them too much.”

You jolted as you looked behind you. “A-arlecchino!” You were a bit surprised. “Its just that… they’ve been working so hard lately I wanted to reward them with something small.” You explained, trembling. The children fell silent as they watched with anticipation for her reaction. But Arlecchino didn’t seem upset, nor angry or sinister. She was always hard to read however.

“I see. Children.” She sai, every child looked at her with alertness. “Since your caretaker has gone out of your way to provide you a must delicious meal, I expect no slacking off today’s training yes?” She said with authority.

“Yes father!” The children said in unison.

“You may continue eating.”she then turned to you. “Did.. you buy these eggs yourself?” You nodded. “Your own money correct?” You nodded. She looked over you, her gaze feeling almost… warm? You weren’t too certain. “Don’t work yourself too much next time. If you want to arrange such rewards I’d be happy to help. As long as its within reason of course.” She said with a surprising softness. You gulped.

“Th-thank you. W-would you like some?” You smiled nervously. Little did you know in that moment was the start of her ever growing feelings for you. But she merely shook her head.

“I’ll have whats leftover. I have my own chef so I wouldn’t like to deprive the children of their food.” She said. “Keep up the good work. I’ll be looking forward to it.” She said walking away. You looked on in awe, you knew she was scary yes, but something about her didn’t seem nearly as menacing. You weren’t sure but.. it appears you made a good impression on her. The children looked at you, concerned until you smiled at them.

“And you ordered… 67 bags of flour for the orphans? Yeah right don’t they have rations.” The rude guard said. The seller seemed a bit upset at the guard too.

“I’ve already told you that I work for the house of hearth as a caretaker. What crime could i be committing with this much flour anyways? I paid for it, every cent is paid. What is your deal!” You were annoyed at this rate. The guard seemed to not back down.

“Well how do I know if you have some secret? Huh?”

“LEAVE HER ALONE!” A voice came from the crowd that formed. You recognized it as one of the children you cared for, a teenage boy named Andrej. “You are a officer are you not? Do you not know it is illegal to falsely accuse someone without a trial to prove one’s guilt first? You shameful man! You dare to use your power for what exactly?” You were a bit surprised at his actions. He’d always been so quiet when you handled him, you didn’t know he’d value you so much.

“Why you-“

“He’s right though. What exactly are you doing officer! Picking on innocent civilians!” Another joined in. You recognized them as Danica. The officer quickly seemed surprised.

“Well i-“

“Zip it! Just wait until the Knave finds out the guards have been unjustly harassing her employees.”

“Please calm down you two. There’s no need to get that worked up here.” You said, placing a hand on their shoulders. “We’ll just file a report and be done with it.” The guard looked shock as they backed off.

“Don’t mess with our mother.” Andrej whispered at him.

“Andrej told me you were harassed today?” Arlecchino asked as you just settled in the flours into the walk in pantry.

“Just a powerhungry guard. I can handle it.”

“It isn’t a matter of wether or not you can handle it. Its a matter of why he felt it was okay to do so in the first place.” She stood infront of you. Looking down. “My children adore you alot, they would do anything for you. But they also shouldn’t have to. Rest assured, that man will be dealt with.”

“I don’t want to cause trouble that’s all. I’m not that fragile.” You said.

“Its no trouble to me. You are very important for the children’s wellbeing and morale. Infact I was wondering if you could do full time. Increased pay, more breaks of course. Don’t worry about the walk home at night. You will have a escort.” She said. You felt quite surprised.

“I’ll take you up on that offer then.” You smiled. She seemed to calm down.

“Very good then. Next time, let them your children protect you, its their way of repaying your generosity.” She left then. But you wondered what she meant by ‘your’ children.

“I don’t want him to touch me no please!” You heard little Lynette cry in her sleep. You had been passing the barracks ready to clock out when your maternal instincts kicked in. You bursted through the door rushing to her bed. You sighed in relief seeing she was okay.

“Lynette?” You called. She moved in her sleep. “Lynette!” You sat by her side until she woke up. Her eyes teary as she backed away. “Its just me sweetie. Don’t worry I’m not going to hurt you.” You offered your hand to her, to your surprise she rubbed her face against it. She wiped her tears as she came closer to you.

“I had a scary dream.. that’s all.” She said.

“I know.. do you want to tell me about it?” You asked. She shook her head. “Alright then, how about I make you some tea?”

“Tea?” She asked. “Isn’t that for staying up? That’s what father drinks.”

“There’s a special one I have, its to relax yourself. Come.” You stood up, she followed suit as the other girls sneakily watched.

You set the kettle on the stove as you showed her the packet.

“This is the special tea, you don’t use this if you want to stay awake. See the packaging is purple. Use it sparingly though. Now we boil the water and when its warm enough we just add it in. You’ll see.” You said, Lynette watched observantly. You could still see she was a little bit shaken up.

“Can I ask you something?” Lynette seemed nervous, though her face was stoic, her hands fidgeted with her bow.

“Of course dear.” You smiled warmly at her. Unbeknownst to you some of the other girls had snuck out to head your conversation. Many unable to sleep as well.

“Father is.. well our father. Because she provides for us and guides us. I once heard that a mother is the one who gives warmth and love to a child.. you fit that definition perfectly to me.. it feels wrong to call you miss or caretaker so much… could I call you mother?” She asked. Your heart soared. You took a minute to steady yourself. “Did i say something wrong?”

“No-no… its just..” you wipe a tear before she could spot it. “I’d love that Lynette. I don’t mind being called mother if that’s what you or anyone else wants to call me.” You said smiling.

“But why are you crying then?” Another voice asked. A little girl hiding in the shadows with a few others.

“How ling have you been there.” You said confused.

“We couldn’t sleep.. we just wanted some tea too.” The other girl said.

“Very well. Don’t make this too much of a habit though. We don’t have enough teabags for everyone to have tea time.” You said.

As Arlecchino walked the halls intending to just head to her sleeping quarters, the echo of laughter came from downstairs. Skeptical she immediately descended the stairs, pausing to watch as you sat with 5 little girls in a circle drinking tea.

“See you hold out your pinky like this, then you take a few sips at a time.” You whispered. The girls followed suit. Arlecchino leaned against the wall as she felt a sense of pride in her cold heart. Something about you was warm, warmer than her vision, warmer than the sun, and gentler than any cotton. Something about you made her forget the curfew as she focused on how domestic of a scene it was. In that moment you weren’t her caretaker or her employee, but the mother to her children.

“Like this?” A older girl showed her cup. They were empty currently as you waited for the water to cool. The cup slanted, if it was full it would’ve scorched her lap. But you had been clever not to allow so.

“You still use your other fingers Tanya. Oh see, Lynette had got it.” You smiled. The other girls followed suit.

“What do adults use teatime for? It seems so long..”

“Well typically you do so to relax and unwind if you’re alone, or to talk with other adults in a more causal but still refined setting.” You explained.

“What do they talk about then?” Lynette asked. Arlecchino noticed how her tail would curve slightly as she and the rest of the children sat at one of the dinning tables.

“Buisness, personal life… boring stuff. But sometimes its gossip.” You smile. The girls seem intrigued.

“What kind?”

“Well.. I heard that allegedly, miss Trudane, a very upperlady, may have altered her unwed brother’s will to make herself the sole beneficiary to his estate.” You smile. The girls light up in shock and intrigue.

“Really? Wait is that true?”

“Sh! Mother said to be quiet remember.”

Arlecchino felt herself soften at that. The children we’re referring to her as mother.. if she was their father and they their mother then.. her heart blossomed as she clutched her chest composing herself. She strode in catching the group by surprise.

“Father.” The girls lowered their heads.

“I’m actually rather curious, how do you know that?” Arlecchino asked looking at you.

“O-oh well it is just gossip. I heard it through the grapevine that’s all.” You said nervously.

“Do you by chance have another cup available? I’d like some tea myself if you wouldn’t mind.” She said. The children seemed surprised and almost excited as you quickly agreed. Getting up to get another cup while she sat next to where you did. Lynette looking up at her with curiosity.

“Y-you’re not mad?”

“No. I myself couldn’t sleep actually. So I’ll let this slide, don’t let this become a habit.” She said.

After sending the children to bed you and Arlecchino were left. You kissed each girl on the forehead while she watched from the doorway. Sense of comfort placated her as she thought of you. How she wished she had a figure like you when she was younger. How you now provide a loving mother figure for her children that she has thought of being. You both exit closing the door.

“Its late, If you want I could escort you myself, or you could stay the night.” She offered.

“S-stay?”

“I have a guest room you can stay in. Its in the upper levels though.” She said. You noticed it began to rain outside.

“I suppose I’d have to… by the way.. did you hear the conversation where they asked to call me.. mother?” You asked.

“I didn’t but I see no problems with it. The children have been robbed of any normal family life, abandoned by their societies with no love in sight, how could I ever deny them a mother when they have you. You work so hard to make sure each one is loved and cared for.. I have a great deal of respect for you.” Your heart raced seeing her smile, a gentle and genuine warmth from her.

“Thank you. That- that means alot to me.” Your cheeks dusted with pink as you smiled.

You truly became irreplaceable in the eyes of your children. They all clamored to protect you at any given moment. You noticed while cleaning up some drawings what looked to be picture of you and Arlecchino, side by side like husband and and wife. In the style that many family portraits are often drawn. You felt a little warm thinking about it. Arlecchino is a terrifying woman yes but… she is so kind to you. She is so soft and gentle with you, she protects you, you feel very safe in her presence nowadays. And the children, they’ve become more happy with you around. They call you mother and her father, a bond that is almost romantic to you. Its almost a bit embarrassing to you because you two aren’t romantically involved. Yet it seems now the children expect it.. Today would be mother’s day, and you anticipated having alot of gifts.

You actually underestimated how many you would receive. A plethora of drawings you planned on putting in a scrapbook, a surprising amount of jewelry that the children would combine their savings to afford, and even a little origami crane from some of the creative children. Freminet’s gift was quite noteworthy to you as he gave you the most pretty clam you had seem. Lyney and Lynette had gifted you a most beautiful earring set along with heartfelt letters that had you in tears. The excitement died down however as the children were sent for today’s training session. You watched from afar as the kids participated in physical activities. To your surprise Arlecchino came over to you once more, in her hands she held a most delicate box. You were a bit confused.

“Its only appropriate I award the mother of my children handsomely. It is mother’s day afterall, so take this as a token of my gratitude.” She said. You carefully took it. The children from afar noticed you two as some watched expectantly.

“Are they going to kiss?” Talia whispered.

“Shh!”

Your jaw dropped seeing the most intricate necklace. It fit your style nicely as she smiled at you with the most soft of looks you had seen in anyone. Your heart beat fast as you noticed the slight red in her cheeks.

“Thank you so much.. I- i truly cannot thank you enough..” you smiled gratefully at her. In that moment there was a sense of love you felt, her hands gently taking the necklace from its box.

“Here let me put it on you.” She said. Her fingertips brushing against your skin as you realized she wasn’t wearing gloves. Oh how your heart raced as you looked in the mirror she offered.

“It’s beautiful. Thank you.” You said instinctively hugging her. Her hands in turn wrapped around your body.

“They’re hugging! Oh my gosh!”

“Talia be quiet father will hear you!”

Arlecchino’s gifts didn’t stop at mother’s day however. You frequently received flowers from her that you often used to decorate the house of hearth’s barracks or play areas, mainly because you ran out of space in your own home. Besides, you had been spending so much time here now that your house felt more like a hotel than a home at times. You were reading a book silently as the children gathered around reading in silence.

“Mother..” Lyney shamefully approached you as lynettr and freminet had their heads down. “Could I.. confess something to you?” You felt skeptical. What could he have done to warrant such shame? They weren’t troublemakers by any means, if he broke something then he wouldn’t be this upset…

“Go on.” You placed a book mark as you listened to him carefully. He leaned into your ear to whisper: “Lynette and I snuck in a stray cat we found.. and we have fed it for awhile now keeping it in the barracks.. but it must’ve gotten out because we can’t find it anywhere. Have you heard anything?”

“I know it was wrong but.. I couldn’t bare to see such a creature be homeless.” Freminet mumbled. You smiled.

“Oh dear you should’ve told me! I could’ve taken in the kitty myself and bring him with me here! But I’m sure your father wouldn’t mind having a cat here.” You patted his head. “I’ll help you look for him, you keep looking down here, I’ll go check out the upstairs.” You had a feeling the cat might’ve gone there.

Recently you had been allowed up there more and more so you simply bypassed the guards. You realized however you wouldn’t be allowed to check the rooms. You asked around finding nothing, you took a deep breath before knocking at Arlecchino’s office.

“Come in.” You opened the door to see the cat in question lounging on her lap. “I assume the children are looking for he correct?” She said, gently petting the cat.

“Yes actually. Could I convince you to let them keep her?” You sat across from her. You could hear the kitty purring in her lap.

“Of course.”

“You see-oh. I didn’t expect you would agree so easily.”

“Well, a cat is a useful companion. I’ve seen how the children try to sneak in strays or have formed close bonds with them and I see no reason to deprive them of those bonds. We can’t take in every stray yes but I have no reason to prevent them from bringing a cat. Dogs are another issue, they cause messes and may be more difficult. But this cat is quite well behaved. In fact, she came in here herself.” Arlecchino “she may be good for mice control too. In the winter months is when mice tend to invade homes more. So her timing is perfect. Besides, she is such a beautiful tabby. Orange females are quite rare.” You relaxed seeing how she seemed quite fond of the kitty.

“That’s a relief, I’ll let Lyney know the cat is safe with you.”

“Actually could you take her with you? I have to leave in a bit and she won’t get up on her own accord.”

“Of course.” You approached her to scoop the kitty up as it meowed in confusion. Arlecchino’s eyes were on your chest that became slightly more exposed as you leaned down. “Thank you again Arlecchino, I’ll make sure that cat doesn’t trouble you.”

“Its no problem at all. So long as she makes you and the children happy.” Arlecchino smiles.

“Mother… why don’t you and father kiss?” That question had you shocked. You looked at the child in question as you tried to figure a way to explain it.

“Yeah mommies and daddies always kiss. That’s what my friend told me..”

“Maybe they kiss in private?”

“We don’t kiss no.. your father and I aren’t in a relationship like that.” You cleared your throat trying to regain composure. The children seemed a bit sad at that.

“Why not?” One kid asked.

“Because we just aren’t. Now go play with that cat.. or something.” You quickly took a step back to compose yourself. Watching the kids interact with each other as you fanned your face trying to calm down. But why did the thought or suggestion of that even make you feel this way? How come you felt so warm in the face? You sighed as you tried to clear your head of it.

Were you in love with her? Your boss? A literal harbinger? You knew people died by her hand.. but.. the way she holds little Lynette’s hand.. the way she her hands may suddenly find themselves on your shoulder slowly becoming more of a familiar sensation, her presence doesn’t actually frighten you as much as it used to. You’re more nervous if anything, that she’ll see through your eyes how you truly feel about her. The kids love you two, calling you mother and her father, she refers to you as the “mother of her children”! How could you not feel so tingly and feathery inside! She’s become so alluring too. You once found her scary and intimidating but now… oh you secretly crave her. She is such a menacing woman.. is it bad that you want her? Your employer?

You sighed as you were taking your break, getting lunch at a simple cafe with a nice coffee to clear your mind. You thought about your children with her, not by blood yes but by heart. They call you mother, they bring you gifts, your birthday is never forgotten anymore. You’ve truly come to see them as your own now. You have to remind yourself at times that you didn’t bare these children. That some heartless people let them sat on the streets without taking them home, you could never imagine so. Especially Lynette and Lyney, a most adorable duo. How could anyone ever hurt such innocent souls?

From what you know, the previous Father was far crueler than her. Freminet told you of how he scolded them for crying or weakness, how he lied about his mother’s death to him.. how Arlecchino had slain him and taken his place, how she had slain the man who tried to hurt Lynette… you felt a bit warm knowing the children had such a fearless protector now. And you too were apart of the family she established… maybe its not the worst thing to be in love with your employer, especially in these circumstances. But for the sake of your job and your work relationship you simply can never act on these feelings. You don’t want to ruin things between you and her..

“You called?” You opened the door to her office. You noted how Arlecchino’s blazer wasn’t on. Revealing her under shirt… her dark hands.. oh… should you really be looking?

“Yes I did, come in. I don’t bite.” She said. You approached her timidly. “I just wanted to reward you for such hard work. You’ve truly helped shape this place into a far more comfortable environment. I almost feel envious that it wasn’t like this when I was growing up.” She smiled at you. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered uncomfortably so.

“That means alot to me. I really just have a soft spot for children.. I adore them greatly and.. it hurt to see them be in such pain.” You said.

“Yes. But I wanted to invite you to dinner sometime.” She said. You froze.

“Dinner?” You said. She nodded.

“Yes, You’ve done so much for me that I feel as though I’m in your debt almost. You’ve gotten even the most disrespectful of children under control and you single handedly made this a home rather than a house for these children. I feel as though as the father I must reward you even more than I have.” She said, relishing in the slight red on your cheeks.

“I-i see.. but the children seem to think of us as… partners… I haven’t really been able to properly explain to them that we aren’t… you know.. dating..” you said.

“I don’t mind that assumption, that is if you’re fine with it.” She replied. You felt even more nervous. “Do you want to go to dinner with me? I’ll have a reservation for the most extravagant of restaurants. I’ll pay for the bill of course.”

Your mind raced, was this a confession?

“I’d love to.. if you’re fine wit-“

“I’m with it. I wouldn’t offer this if I wasn’t.” She assured. You felt such a rush of adrenaline.

“Th-thank you.. I- I.. I look forward to it.”

“If you want you could spent the night here.” Arlecchino offered. “I’ll let you stay in my room. I’m going to be spending most of my time in the office anyways”

“I.. if you’re okay with that then sure..” you said nervously. It was pouring outside as you debated how to get home at this hour. You followed her upstairs as you felt a bit nervous. This was a big step in your relationship afterall. Sleeping in her bed.. it feels so intimate.

“Here.” She opened the door to her bedroom. It was incredibly red, it was very intricate and detailed as you would expect a harbinger to have. The pillows more for decoration than comfort. You looked around as she watched you awe the room. “You can sleep on here whenever you like, as long as you aren’t working of course. But make yourself at home here.”

“I will thank you.” You said. She closed the door, her high heels clicked as she went to her office. You felt so timid. You looked in the closet out of curiosity, noticing there was two. They were both huge but one was empty. You realized she probably got the other for your clothes.. it made sense. You would eventually move in of course but it almost delighted you to know how thoughtful she was. She was already planning ahead.

That night you woke up to the door slamming. You jolted awake to see Arlecchino closed the door quickly as she undressed almost immediately. You felt quite flustered as she seemed to pay you no mind. She didn’t seem in the mood for conversation now so maybe you should keep quiet. You laid back, the moonlight was the only light as you noticed the unmistakable red stain coating the sleeves of her jacket. She then paused, turning to you.

“Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you.” She said in a low voice.

“I- just… um..” I’m a little startled that’s all.” You said.

“You should get used to it. This home I’ve made is still nonetheless a fatui organization.” She said, she didn’t seem like she was in a good mood at all.

“I know… how often do you come home like this?” You ask.

“Ideally not so much. But realistically its not uncommon.” She answered. You nervously bit your lip as silence settled between us. Once cleaned and changed however she sighed. “I’m sorry if I frightened you.” She walked over to press a kiss to your cheek.

“No no you’re right. I should just get used to this.” You said. She seemed pleased with that response.

“I have some things to finish up before bed, best not to wait for me now.” She said before leacinf without another word. You silently wondered if you had known what you were getting into by accepting her offer. But it was too late now. You weren’t going to ditch now. You’ll get through it, this time with her by your side.

[noctumbra]

𝒇𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕

summary ─ you were a trouble. you were a walking sin. that was okay, though. james knew how to deal with problems like yourself.

pairing ─ dark!serialkiller!bucky barnes x reader

warnings ─ DARK FIC, smut, +18, slight dub con, explicit murder scene, major character death, rough sex, mean!bucky, degradition, name calling, alcohol consumption, pussy slapping, shitty smut lol, bucky is stuck up on morality (?) aka he doesn't like when women show some skin off because he thinks it's wrong, mentions of rape (didn't happen), biblical references??

a/n ─ hellooo! this is one of those rare times where i write dark fic lmao, this is my entry for @bitchassbucky 's 2K writing challenge. my prompt is "if you're reading this, i'm dead." with criminals au. i really hope you like it. please leave a comment if you do, thank you so much! <333

explicit murder scene starts after the * mark.

You were too close.

The guy’s hands were way too close you. His eyes were roaming all over your body like a hungry panther; he was waiting for the right moment to attack and feed on you, and the worst thing was you were letting him look.

It was not okay in James’ book. You shouldn’t have been doing that, shouldn’t have flaunted your body the way you did: A dress that was too short and showed your legs more than it should and its cleavage was too deep, even from his seat, which was at the far end of the bar, he could almost see your nipples, and then you had these high heels. They were thin heels, very high, that made your feet look elegant but at the same time sinful. They were putting the attention to your legs.

James tilted his head just a little bit to his side as he watched you.

You were laughing freely, loudly, and throwing your head back. You were revealing your neck like that, this time drawing the attention to your almost bare chest. Sometimes you touched the person who made you laugh; a gentle caress on their arm, or a light grab on their shoulder… You didn’t know what kind of effect you had on them; the men shivered every time you touched their arms or shoulders. They were getting hungrier, James could tell. Their eyes were roaming all over your body even more, they were black, almost, and they kept licking their lips as if to stop themselves from drooling.

He shook his head in disappointment. Some men were really weak, he thought as he watched one of the guys adjusting their pants because they became tight with the sight of you.

You were a trouble.

You were a walking sin.

That was okay, though. James knew how to deal with problems like yourself.

──

James approached you slowly. He did not want to frighten you or give you the wrong vibe. He handled with the other guys at the bathroom when they visited it to empty their bladders. He could talk to you without being interrupted, now. Although he probably had twenty or so minutes before the guys were discovered by some other patrons in the bar, so he had to charm you in a short amount of time and had to convince you to join him for the night.

He was in a cleansing mood.

So, he ordered a soda. He didn’t drink on nights when he was working, and he had plans for you and preferred to stay fully sober. The bartender put the drink in front of him silently and went back to drying the glasses. James took a sip, watching you with the corner of his eyes.

“Lovely dress,” he murmured gently, his eyes on the bartender. “You look like summer in the middle of a stormy night.” He turned his head to you; his blue eyes were intense as they took your shocked but pleased face in. You ducked your head.

“Thank you,” you whispered, but he heard you anyway. He was surprised that you were playing the innocent card. You were far from being innocent, he could tell. He only needed to take one look, and he knew right away. Maybe that was how your way. Maybe that was how you lured your preys in. James smiled despite his chain of thoughts.

“You’re very welcome,” he nodded, and then turned his body to you. “I’m James,” he extended his hand. He didn’t mind you knowing his name; you were going to be cleaned at the end of the night anyway. You smiled.

“Y/N,” you said, gently shaking his hand. James almost hummed loudly at the touch of your soft skin against his. His hands were rough, their texture wasn’t soft anymore, but yours were. They were soft. He liked that. It was nice to feel soft things against his own skin every once in a while. “You look tired,” you murmured after two beats of silence. James barely kept his smile soft and contained the twitch of his lips which threatened to form his smile into a smirk.

You were desperate.

The only thing he needed to do was to show you some affection, pour out some sweet words and now, you were desperate to talk to him more.

“I am,” James responded with a neutral voice, but he was mindful to add some sort of a sigh at the end. “Not so much, but I am.” He sent you an equally tired smile that matched up with his story. You gave him a soft look before inching your chair towards his. You were unaware of stepping into a very feral wolf’s den.

──

It wasn’t a hard work for him, to keep you talking and drinking while he was charming and maybe seducing you all along.

You were a little tipsy as he walked up to you anyway, James just made sure that you kept drinking. You were doing every single thing that was wrong in his book; the cleansing he’d be doing tonight with your help was going to be a good one.

“What brought you here?” You asked him. You weren’t slurring yet, and honestly, James didn’t want you that drunk, so after you were finished with the glass you had, he was going to stop you. As much as he liked seeing you indulge yourself into the sins like this, because it was going to make his cleansing better, he wanted you to enjoy yourself on your last moments.

James shrugged. “Just passing by, to be honest,” he murmured. It wasn’t a lie. He was passing by. He would be leaving this small town in the morning, most likely 6AM sharp. “How about you, sweetheart?” He asked. His head cocked to his side, eyes teasingly narrowed and lips stretched into a dangerous smirk. He was a handsome man, James knew that, and he liked to use it to his own advantage in these kinds of things.

“I’m going home,” you said. “It’s a long way, though, so I’m just spending the night here.” You sent him a small smile and finished the last drop of your drink. Just when you lifted your hand to ask for more, James placed his hand over the glass.

“I think it’s enough for the night, don’t you think?” He murmured, and then he stood up and moved closer to you. “Besides it would ruin the fun if you were to get too intoxicated.” James saw your eyes getting heavier with a hazy look, saw your chest stop moving and heard the hitch in your breath.

“What fun?” You asked. James let his lips form into a smirk, this time.

“If you join me for the night, I think you can find out,” he whispered, leaning in just a little. You whimpered softly. You were turned on; you were desperate for him, for what he could give you, what he could make you feel. It should have felt empowering, but it didn’t. It made him feel disgusted.

“Alright,” you agreed easily.

Wrong. This was wrong, what you were doing. Wrong. You shouldn’t have agreed to spend a night with a stranger this easily. You shouldn’t have been let that stranger seduce you like this, but you were naïve. You were desperate.

So, James smirked. He held out his arm and walked out of the bar with your arm looped into his.

──

James wasn’t a big fan of having sex. He knew he could go without having it, and he had, once. It wasn’t hard, abstaining himself from sex or any sort of psychical contact with anyone. It was very easy, actually, but it wasn’t worth it. He’d stop by one of the towns he was passing by, have a wild night and relieve himself and then he’d move on.

He called them cleansing.

He’d find a woman, watch them and try to decide if they were worthy of his cleansing nights. If they were, James would take them back to his motel room. He’d have his sex, give them pleasure, make them take whatever he gave them, and when he was free of his sins, he’d get rid of them.

Tonight was his cleansing day, and you were his vessel.

─

“Fuck!” You moaned as James slammed you back against his motel room door. His mouth was assaulting your neck, your bare chest, all the skin you showed to those men and made them lose their control, James left his mark.

His hands were under your dress. They were running along your soft skin, along length of your legs, and he grabbed your ass beneath the skirt to haul you up. With a soft moan you held tightly onto him, wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, you let him carry you to the bed. His lips were stroking yours so perfectly, you couldn’t keep your moans to yourself.

“You like this, don’t you?” He murmured against your lips as he laid you on the bed. He was on fours between your legs, your dress skirt bunched and ankles looped behind his thick thighs. “You like having some touching you like this.” He trailed a finger gentle from your ankle to your hips, digging his nails lightly. You sighed.

“Yes,” you moaned. “Yes, I love it.” James hummed. His fingers grabbed a hold of your flimsy panties, ripping them off with a flick of his fingers. You gasped, but it was so hot to watch, you couldn’t say anything. James discarded the ripped material. He hummed once again as he swiped his fingers through your core, causing you to buck your hips towards his touch.

“So wet…” He whispered. “You’re turned on, hm?” You nodded, desperately biting your lip to contain the sounds you wanted to let out. James pulled on your dress. “Take this off,” he ordered, a dangerous growl in his voice. You shuddered and scrambled to obey him. Quickly sliding the straps of the dress, you slid out of it in a blink. You threw the dress on one of the chairs in the room and settled under him again with a sigh.

James was right about almost being able to see your nipples because you weren’t wearing anything to cover them underneath that dress. He growled. You were so careless with your body, he realized. You never thought about what might happen to it before you threw it towards someone that could charm you with handful of words.

James wanted to laugh: You were so fucking easy.

Licking his lips, he ran his hands all over the now-available naked skin. It was very soft to touch, warm and smooth. It felt nice under his fingertips. James wanted to dig his nails and draw some blood just to ruin the perfect smoothness of your skin. He wanted to mark it, wanted to destroy its beauty so that no one would want to touch it ever again.

“Mm,” he heard you hum. Ignoring your writhing, James continued to stroke the warm skin beneath him. James sighed. “James…” You breathed, eyes closed and mouth open.

“What is it?” James asked. “What do you want, sweetheart?” You wiggled and writhed under him again. He could see that you were shying away from him for some reason, and he was intended to find out why. “Mm? Tell me. What is it?” You bit your lip, watched his eyes darken with the smallest action.

“I, um,” you whispered. “Can you be rough with me?” You asked gently. James narrowed his eyes. They were filled with amusement.

“You wan’ me to rough you up, love? Hm?” He leaned in and grabbed your face in his palm, squeezing your jaw, he pulled it towards his. He nudged your nose with his own softly. “You wan’ my bruises all over your body? Wan’ me to mark you up?” You were nodding excitedly; head bobbing up and down, eyes glimmering with anticipation, James thought you were adorable. He chuckled darkly. “Use your words,” he commanded with a low, rough voice.

“Yes,” you moaned loudly and whimpered. “Yes, I want your marks!” James hummed. It was a content, happy sound.

“Good, baby,” he whispered and flipped your over in a blink. He pulled your hips up as he placed a hand on your face and buried it into the bedding, almost constricting your breathing. You groaned throatily. “This what you wanted, yeah?” He leaned in until his lips were next to your ear. “You gonna get it.”

Briefly pulling away, James took off his clothes and laid them on the chair all folded. He climbed up on the bed, took his position between your thighs and pressed his groin against yours. Your dripping core felt warm and slick against his hard on. He closed his eyes and grunted lightly at the feeling, hips moving slightly. You wiggled your hips, pressed your ass back at him and coated his erection with your slick. James groaned. His hands were quick to find your hips and grabbing them tightly.

“You do not move unless I tell you so,” he snarled. His hand released your ass cheek and slapped it harshly, making the flesh jiggle. “You are to follow my orders,” he snarled again as he slapped the other cheek. You whimpered. “You disobey, and I’ll make sure you’re in pain.” He quickly gave you a slap right on your clit, making you shout into the bedding. “You hear?” You nodded.

“Yes, yes, I hear,” you whined. “’m sorry. I’ll follow your orders, sorry,” you mumbled, tears gathering in your eyes. James smiled.

“Good girl,” he whispered. The hand that was still resting on your ass sneaked its way up into your hair, and he yanked it harshly. You cried out. Your hands grabbed his thick thighs as something to hold on when he pulled your body flushed against his. “The sounds you make,” he snarled. He released his hold on your hair. “Grab the condom. It’s in the drawer.” James pointed the one on your left, and you leaned to get it.

After he put on the condom, he cornered and caged you on the bed, under him. You were breathing heavily, he could see how wet you were and how warm your body had become. “I’m gonna be rough,” he warned you. “I’m gonna degrade you, slap you, pull your fucking hair and I will not stop, y’hear me?” You nodded. That was exactly what you wanted from him. “Yell as loud as you want. Let’em know I’m making you feel so good.” He kissed you on the lips once and slid inside of you in one thrust.

You groaned loudly as your eyes rolled back. They way he filled you was so fucking perfect, you felt yourself tear up. Your hands were holding onto his biceps, nails digging softly as James started thrusting without missing a beat.

The pace he set up was hard and almost punishing. All the rage and tension in his body was loaded into his thrusts, making your body jolt up and down every single time his hips kissed yours. The sound of skin-slapping-skin was almost too loud, but James closed his eyes as he listened to it. His hands were grabbing your thighs tight enough to leave bruises in its wake, nails digging hard enough to draw some blood. James growled.

“So good,” he murmured to himself as he once again flipped you onto your stomach. He watched the jiggle of your ass with his each thrust, watched how perfect it was and warm it made him feel. It sent tingles all over his body. Pulling at your hips, he positioned you half-sitting on his lap, half-lying onto your stomach. He was hitting and reaching deeper with each movement of his cock, he knew it. Your screams of pleasure were letting him know. “Hmm, damn…” He groped your breasts. Pinching the soft, loose flesh, he pulled at your nipples.

“James!” You moaned, but you were slurring. James grinned devilishly. He sneaked his hand from your breast to your pussy and slapped it. Your hips twitched, and he slapped it again. Your walls were rippling around him like mad, James was loving it. “Oh, fuck!” You cried out as he pinched your clit. Tears were freely rolling down on your cheeks, but they were pleasant ones.

“Yeah?” James hissed. “You feelin’ good, slut? Hm? Tell me.” He listened to your litany of ‘yeses’ and moans and whimpers. He dug his nails on your breasts, digging them deep and dragging them down roughly. You shouted. James could feel the trickle of blood on his fingertips, and he chuckled darkly.

“We are just starting, dove,” he whispered into your ear and wrapped his arm around your throat.

****

James watched you as you dozed on and off. You were sprawled onto the bed, starfishing, and had a dopey smile on your face. You were so beautifully blessed out, James felt proud. His eyes roamed all the marks and bruises he left on your gorgeous body: Bite marks, handprints, nails… They looked incredible.

“Damn,” he heard you whisper. You giggled. You sounded drunk, but it wasn’t because of the booze you consumed earlier, it was all sex. “This was the best fuck I’ve ever had,” you said, grinning. James just hummed. Lifting himself on his strong legs, he walked over to his small bag. He opened it.

His clip point bowie knife was winking at him cheekily in his bag, and James smiled. He grabbed it gently. Fingertips running over the sharp and smooth edge of it, James sighed. This knife had served him so well over the years, it became his lucky charm and his go-to. Tonight, it was going to serve him once more.

“Are you still there?” You murmured, head lifting tiredly. “Or have I been talkin’ to myself all alon’?” You chuckled.

“’m here,” James whispered. You hummed, head falling onto the pillow. He walked over to your tired and used body. Your eyes were closed, but you had a happy smile on your face. James stroked your cheek as he mounted you.

“Mmm,” you protested lightly. “You wore me out. Can’t go again.”

“I don’t want you to,” James whispered, licking his lips hungrily. His pupils dilated with the anticipation. His hand moved to your hair from your cheek and he stroked it, too. You purred. James grinned. He looked like a mad man with a grin like that, he was aware, but this was his favorite moment.

He fisted his hand into your hair, yanking you half-upright. Without letting you understand what was happening, he ran the knife along your throat. A clean, deep cut. He heard your gurgled breath, watched the blood pouring out.

James smiled at your half shocked and half blessed face as he watched the blood pouring out of your body and pet your hair all the while. He could feel the relief filling his body already. He sighed deeply, relishing the feeling.

He loved his cleansing nights.

He loved watching them fading out.

It was why he was created.

──

Another body was found exactly a month later after the last one.

Despite the undisturbed look in general, he could see couple bruises peeking under the clothing that wrapped her body innocently. Rogers knew what he was going to find when he dug a little deeper. He knew how all the bruises the killer left behind was going to look like. He also knew that the forensics was going to say she was most likely got raped, but it wasn’t true.

Rogers had been working on this killer’s case for some time, now. He had seen cases of his killings enough to know that he cared about consent. The bruises, damage on genital parts on the bodies were all asked for. Rogers felt like he knew the killer like a best friend with how much personality to put into his… craft.

He would watch them first, seized his options. That was how he’d choose his next victim, most of the time. Then, he’d approach them, make small talk maybe, and charm them right away. It was a funny and humiliating fact that they had no visuals about the killer; no one seemed to saw his face, or remembered it. Rogers figured he must at least have a decent enough face to charm the women the way he did. Then, he’d take them to one of the rooms in the motel nearby. He’d get his pleasure, satisfy himself, and then. Then, he’d get to work.

This one, the body in front of him, was definitely his work.

The scene Rogers was facing was weirdly peaceful. It was by a lake with lots of willow trees surrounding it. It was almost 5AM in the morning; the cool breeze of the night was even sharper now. There was no noise, only owls making soft cooing sounds. The darkness of the sky was the darkest before the sun peeked through its black curtains.

However, Rogers was not there for the scenery. Not that kind, at least.

She was standing by one of the willow trees. Her body was positioned in such way that it looked like she was just leaning against the tree and watching the view in front of her. It might have looked normal, like nothing was wrong if she was wearing a coat or something, but she wasn’t. The white dress she had on was beautiful. It was simple, no designs or anything. The dress had long sleeves; the fabric was covering her chest up to her neck/shoulder joint and the skirt part of it was reaching to her ankles. She had matching flats on her feet. The skirt was only allowing Rogers to have very small peek of her skin.

Her hair looked clean when he came closer. It was up in a half-braid, thrown over her right shoulder. Her hands were clasped in front of her in a submissive way, her fingers were laced together. She had an also white, silk scarf covering her neck. Simple silver earrings were put, she looked really beautiful.

Her face, however, was the creepiest part.

It looked almost alive; she had a serene look on her face, a faint smile on her lips and the look in her eyes were soft. She really looked like she was watching the view, but she was dead. Her skin looked undisturbed, but Rogers knew that if he were to rip the dress off, he’d find her genital organs all mangled. He would also find all the bruises that this elegant dress was perfectly covering up.

“Same guy?” Wilson asked as he approached Rogers. He nodded. His blue eyes were inspecting the girl’s body carefully. “These poor girls,” Wilson sighed. “What is he trying to do, I don’t get it.”

Rogers knew what he was trying to do.

“He’s stopping them from sinning ever again,” he murmured as he eyed the note where the killer pinned the note. It was sitting right over her heart innocently, an elegant hand writing was smiling at him gently on the cream-colored paper. One sentence was striking, but he could see more things were written on the small paper. It was that one sentence that was haunting him in his nightmares. Rogers counted exactly seven drops of blood on the paper. One of the drops was darker than the other: It was the third one.

“Does that mean anything?” Wilson frowned. He was new to this case, so he didn’t know the meanings of the small details the killer loved to leave behind.

“Yeah. Seven drops. Seven deadly sins. Third drop is darker than the others which indicate which sin she had died from.”

“Which is?”

As he answered Wilson, Rogers sighed deeply.

“Lust.”

𝙸𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝚁𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂, 𝙸'𝙼 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳...

[football-rambles]

Christmas Day - Ben Chilwell

Day 25, ITS CHRISTMAS!!

Merry Christmas Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing it.

Please let me know if you should continue with dad!ben and Hallie 

You rolled over in bed to find an empty space which caused you to wake up, opening your eyes slightly getting used to the light. Before you even opened your eyes properly you realised Ben wasn’t there. You frowned slightly, wondering where he would be. You noticed that the baby wasn’t in her crib, it was 6am, so you decided to see what they were up to.

You climbed out of bed. It was very unusual for Ben to be out of bed, and you were almost certain you didn’t hear Hallie cry. You wrapped your night gown, wrapping it close to your body, as you walked out of the bedroom. “Ben” You called from the top of the stairs.

No answer

You decided to descend the stairs and see where they were. You walked down the stairs and followed where the noise was coming from. You walked into the Kitchen to find Ben making breakfast while holding Hallie, who was asleep on his shoulder.

“What are you doing up already on Christmas morning?” You asked. Leaning on the kitchen island you couldn’t help but smile as you watched Ben cook breakfast one handed.

“Well, It Christmas so its tradition to be up early, especially now we have Hallie and I thought of making breakfast in bed but that’s ruined now” Ben spoke pouting slightly that you had ruined the gesture.

“As much as this is so sweet of you, Hallie won’t even know it’s Christmas yet, she’s two days old. Give it 5 years and then we will be up at the crack of dawn. We shouldn’t be up for at least another hour yet, if she is settled.” You say sitting on the breakfast bar stool carefully. You were still in a lot of pain.

Ben rolled his eyes. “You just don’t like getting up, anyway, you shouldn’t be up.” Ben speaks, noticing you wincing. “True, but I couldn’t fall back to sleep knowing you both were down here. You smile as you watch your boyfriend.

“So, what time do we go over to your parents?” You asked. You were spending the day at Ben’s family. Your parents were going to be there too. This was the perfect opportunity for them to meet Hallie for the first time.

“11…I said we would be there for 11 so I thought we could have breakfast, open our presents then get ready to leave for 10:30″ Ben said about his idea as he adjusted his arms with Hallie.

“Sounds like you have it already planned in that little mind of yours” you smiled as you kissed his cheek as he sat down next to you placing your breakfast which was toast in front of you. “Thank you for my Christmas breakfast in bed” You say smiling before tucking into the toast that Ben had prepared for me.

We finished breakfast. Ben told me to go to the lounge why he washed up before we opened the presents. You carefully took sleeping Hallie. You found it amusing that Ben loved Christmas, and as much as you loved Christmas, Ben was extra excited.

You sat on the sofa, with Hallie and waited for Ben to walk in. You noticed you had a few more presents than you got Ben. You couldn’t help yourself as you placed Hallie in her bouncer. You looked at your presents.

“I thought I told you to wait until I got in here” Ben rolled his eyes, as he walked in and sat across from you. “I was only looking at the tag” you said showing that in fact you were reading the tag.

“I’ll let you open your first” Ben sayss smiling up at you “If you are sure. If you want to open yours, I don't mind waiting." You say to which Ben shakes his head.  

You started to open the presents, which revealed a coffee maker that you had been wanting for months, despite not being able to drink coffee. Boots that you know your normal sized feet would fit in and a Tiffany and Co necklace. “These are amazing Ben, thank you”

“One more.” He smiled, as he passed you a present. It turned out to be an England NT shirt, with his name on the back. “Aw, I was hoping for a Mount one” You say, acting disappointed.

“Wow but look underneath the shirt.” Ben rolled his eyes at your response. You did so, to reveal a baby jersey with Ben’s name on it.

“These are amazing I love them, thank you so much” You smile as you walked around to kiss Ben, as you sit next to him.

“You can open yours now” You smile.

Ben's eyes lit up, he loved Christmas. It was the first Christmas morning without being with your parents, so it was different. You wanted to make it as special as you could as a new family of three.

Ben opened his presents. You had managed to put together a special present which you were making throughout your pregnancy which finished with his birthday photo, which was him and Hallie, from when she was born. You could of sworn he shed a happy tear.

“Wow, this is amazing Y/N” Ben smiled, as he looked up to you. “I’m glad you like it!” You beamed.

This must be one of the best Christmas days ever. You carefully stood up and started to pick the paper up. “No, I’ll do that.” Ben says, taking the screwed-up paper.

“I guess we should get ready to head to Mum and Dad’s” Ben says, as he picks up the rest of the paper.  

“I’ll put these back under the tree and run up for a shower and get Hallie ready” You replied as you started to put the gifts back under the tree. “Merry Christmas Y/N” Ben said kissing your forehead, which made you smile broadly.

“Merry Christmas Ben”

[maybe-your-left]

I know you’re not doing requests now but I want to send this just in case! Or maybe you can save it! But I love your writing and you’re hilarious! Would you please please write something with Gucci skiing with us with some wipeouts and humor and then soothing each other’s sore muscles afterwards? Or Dr Ren if you prefer! Either hottie! 🖤🖤🖤

anon... why not both?

MAURIZIO GUCCI

“I’m so excited to go skiing,” you mumbled through a mouthful of crackers. You and the rest of your group were sitting around the Resort lounge. Sharing a nice cheese board, red wine, and chatting about the lovely weather. It had been so long since you’d been on a trip with them, it was nice to get out of the city and escape to the Italian country.

You were sipping on your wine, briefly tearing your gaze from the evening snowfall. There were some families littered around, lovers smiling at one another, sharing kisses between whispers of passion. However, one table stuck out to you. A man, all alone, sipping on some whiskey. Some glasses and slicked hair, the dim light showing off his distinctive features. You were captivated, wanting to walk over and speak to him, get to know who he was, where he came from.

Another slow sip, you glanced away, chiming in with you raunchy joke. Basking in the laughter of your friends, you turned back towards the man. Stunned when he met your gaze. Unblinking, unwavering, just sipping his drink, you noticed he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. Instead a diamond encrusted gold ring decorated his pinkie, bigger than any jewelry you adorned.

You mirrored him, taking a sip of your own, he set his glass down. And from across the room, he smirked at you. Followed by a nod of acknowledgment, making your cheeks instantly flush from embarrassment.

Your friends finished quickly after, leaving you to abandon the stranger. Who was now nursing a second drink, staring at the snowy landscape. Perpetually alone, your heart ached at the sight, but you couldn’t go over. What would you say?

You replayed him handsome smile over and over in your head while laying down. Memorizing the lines of his face, the crinkle of his eyes, how they seemed to focus on just you out of anyone else.

———

Everyone got up and out the door bright and early, preparing with some spiked coffee before heading to the hills. You were buzzing with excitement, partially for the skiing but there was a chance to see him again.

Slim, but still a chance.

“Hey,” your friend snapped in your face, “You okay? You look a little out of it.”

“Oh no,” you sighed, focusing on moving over with your group. Smiling at the sweet kids learning to ski on the bunny hill, a few of them being helped by their parents. You briefly noticed a familiar head of hair as you ascended the mountain.

At the summit, all your friends gave a quick goodbye and placed a bet who would crash first. You knew you’d be fine, it wasn’t the first time on the slopes for you. To your left, someone approached you, the only reason you knew was because of the bright red suit.

A woman, covered in designer branded accessories, scowling down the mountain. You smiled at her, fixing your own fur hat, “I love your suit.”

She turned to you, cocking a brow in suspicion, eyes flashing down your figure. And then she set off, you scrunched your face in displeasure. She seemed fun.

Letting gravity do the work, you headed down, trying to bask in the scenery instead of race like everyone else.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

You turned to the right, stalled on the mountain was the man from last night. A white snow suit that fit him far too snug, you were surprised it even fit. From this close you could really take in his appearance, he wasn’t this enormous from afar.

“What?” you questioned.

He nodded towards the tree line, “The mountain, isn’t it lovely?”

“Oh,” you blushed, “Yes, it’s gorgeous. It’s been so long since I’ve visited.”

“Hm,” he looked down at you, a small smirk gracing his full lips, “Why not come more?”

“It’s so expensive,” you sighed, “It’s not a luxury I can afford all the time.”

“You deserve every luxury the world offers, sweet dove.”

You gaped, briefly turning to see if he was still talking to you. He chuckled a little, holding his poles in one hand and out stretching his right.

“Maurizio,” he smiled, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss...?”

You whispered your name, out stretching your hand which he immediately took. Enveloping in his size, he stroked his thumb over your knuckles, bringing them to his lips. Gazing at you lustfully, “A beautiful name, for a beautiful little dove.”

You whimpered at the feel of his lips, wishing for a moment they were on your own. Or trailing over your body, roaming and tasting every inch of you. “Are you here alone?”

“No, I’m with some friends.”

He nodded, “If you’re able to get away, here’s a card to my room. I’d love to see you more.”

He tucked the card into the breast pocket of your suit, another chaste kiss to your hand and he left.

———

After spilling to your friends about the handsome stranger they BEGGED you to go see him. Just to see what would happen... so here you were standing before his room. Dressed in a white turtleneck, and some tight pants. Cheeks and nose still rosy from the wind earlier.

A light knock, no answer.

You tried again.

Still nothing.

You fiddled with the card in your hand, debating if you should head back. But... he gave you a card, you could just go in and wait.

The light flashed green, and you were inside. Lavishly decorated, a large fireplace, king bed, windows overlooking the night snowfall. You poked around, seeing no sign of Maurizio... or any luggage for that matter. It almost seemed like no one was staying here.

“Dove?”

You spun on your heel, seeing him peek through the door. His concerned look dropping once he spied you, “You came.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, “This is your room?”

He shrugged, “One of them.”

“What?”

Maurizio didn’t give you an answer, instead pouncing on you. His rough hands caressing your cheeks as he kissed you, at first you were confused. Wanting him to move, but he pressed on, a hand sliding down your back to wrap around your waist.

“I’ve been thinking about your lips since last night, so plush and pink,” he whispered, “How beautiful you were next to the fires.”

“Mhm,” you tried to speak, but he kept your lips locked. Tongue slithering into your mouth, coaxing yours to dance with his. You moaned at his taste, warm and rich, hints of whiskey hitting your palate.

Maurizio walked you back into the bed, knees giving out as you fell. Finally getting full breaths of air, panting as he devoured your form. He leaned over you, both hands planted by your torsos. A piece of his well kept hair falling over his forehead, “As beautiful you look in this,” he tugged on your sweater, “I would love it even more if it was on the floor.”

You melted, giving a soft nod. He slid a hand under your shirt, gasping when he touched your skin. Gripping your waistline, moving slowly up towards your bra. He leaned into you, pressing soft kisses to your cheek and jaw. Fingering the black lace, one finger slipping under the hem.

“So soft, little dove.”

As fast as he was touching you, he ripped his hand away just as quick. Standing before you, he pulled his sweater off. Tearing his glasses off with it, he fumbled with his belt, nodding at you to follow his lead.

You threw your clothes off like they were on fire, whining when he helped tug your pants off. Hooking his fingers into your lace underwear, groaning when he saw your cunt.

“Up,” he rasped, pulling off his briefs, palming his cock to kneel on the mattress. You were mesmerized by it, standing proud and tall. Long with a short hook towards his belly button. Brown hair trailing down towards the base, “So beautiful, are you soft there too?”

“Yes,” you whimpered, spreading your legs out for him to explore you. Laying back on the silk pillows, you gasped when his hand cupped your sex. Running a finger through your lips. You felt the golden ring he wore skim your inner thigh, causing a shiver to shoot through your spine.

“We must be quick, dove,” he mumbled, “As much as I want to savor you.”

You looked at him confused while he lined his cock up with your entrance, his eyes flashed from your lips to your eyes.

“I’m married.”

“What?”

He pushed inside you, stretching you wide with his length. Maurizio groaned, “So tight, I knew you’d feel amazing.”

He hitched one of your legs to his shoulder, sinking in even deeper. You felt him deep inside you, almost in your stomach, digging your claws into his bare shoulders.

“Will you scream for me, little dove? So I have something to remember when I sleep tonight?”

———

Dr. Kylo Ren

ALSO-ITS CANON KYLO DOESNT SKI HE SNOWBOARDS. ALSO ALSO ANON THIS ONE IS FUNNY BC ITS THE REN FAM ON VACATION.

———

“Mom! Did you pack my laptop charger?”

“Yes princess,” you called from the kitchen, packing some snacks for the plane. Odin was running around the living room, it would be his first time flying overseas. So you wanted him to tire himself out before you made it to the airport. Ren walked out of the bedroom, hanging up the phone, “Is everyone ready?”

You nodded up the stairs, Ren scowled, “Belle! If you aren’t down here in 5 minutes I’m taking your phone away!”

“Dad, I’m still packing!”

“Would you rather I came up there and dragged you down?”

A loud groan, and there came your daughter. No makeup, hair in a bun, still in some pajamas since your flight was at 6AM. Matching her fathers scowl, she walked over to you. Laying her head on your shoulder, “Mommm, Dads being mean.”

“I’m right here, Belle.”

“Okay,” you threw your hands up, “I guess Odin and I are going to Italy! You two morons can stay here and fight.”

———

The flight was delayed, leaving you and your family to nap in the uncomfortable chairs of the boarding area. Ren was snoring loudly, Odin was laying uncomfortably on your lap, leaving Belle who was draped on her fathers shoulder.

Thank goodness you woke up, pushing your exhausted family on the plane. It was a larger plane, giving you and Ren more space and the kids sat in front of you.

No luggage was lost, no one forgot their passport (thanks to you), and Ren even remembered to add international to your phones.

You all piled into the car, Ren demanded a Jeep from the rental company. Making it glaringly obvious you were Americans, exactly like the one you had in the garage at home. Boards on the roof, bags in the truck, both children fed and buckled, Ren only yelled at Belle once because she tried to sit up front.

The drive was beautiful, when Ren wasn’t driving like a maniac. You had to remind him several times your children were in the car. “Okay, so, when we get to the resort. You and Odin have a room together. Its connected to me and your fathers.”

Belle rolled her eyes, “Why do I have to share with Odin?”

“Because it’s either that or you sleep on our floor.”

You chuckled, Ren smiled at you, placing a palm on your thigh. This trip was more than a family vacation, it was something he’d been promising since your marriage. And he told you last night he wanted to fuck you against the window, so all the skiers could see your tits pressed against the glass. While he came all over you, so the kids weren’t allowed in the bedroom.

“Ew,” Belle gagged, “Dad stop feeling up mom, it’s gross.”

“I’m going to do more than that, so stay in your fucking room. Unless you want to see us fuc-“

You slammed a palm over his mouth, but the damage was done, Belle screamed. Yelling ‘gross oh my god oh my god you guys are old!’.

———

You all had a nice dinner in the lodge, drinking red wine and delicious food. You even let Belle have a few sips, she wasn’t a fan of Rens old fashioned. Turning green at the taste.

After kissing the kids goodnight, you locked the door connecting the two. Turning to see your husband, completely naked on a leather armchair. Stroking his cock as you padded over to him.

“Hi handsome,” you placed a hand on each thigh, feeling the muscles tense as he picked up the pace. Fist smacking his skin, precut already drooling from the tip.

“Sit on my cock, love,” he growled, “Need to feel your tight cunt.”

Soon you were bouncing on his lap, grinding down on his glorious length. Punching the air from your lungs as he pounded from below. Ren needed you to be quiet, stuffing your thing into your mouth.

You clenched around him, “There’s my good little slut, Daddy missed your pussy.” He tightened his grip around your waist, “Gonna fill you with cum, then I’m gonna fuck you on the bed. Stuff my fingers in your ass.”

You whined, “Oh, you like that don’t you? You want Daddy to fill you up?”

Ren mouthed at your neck, slamming into you completely. You spit out the garment, burying your fingers in his dark mane. “Daddy, fuck me on the bed. I need it, please.”

He groaned, swiftly standing up with you still on his cock. Throwing you on the bed, he grasped your cheeks, “You better keep your whore mouth shut, or you’ll get nothing.”

You nodded, rolling onto your hands and knees. Presenting yourself for him, Ren climbed behind you. Spitting between your cheeks, “Lube?”

“Bag, side pocket.”

“Finger yourself.”

Ren flew off the bed, searching for the lube, you gladly followed his instructions. Pinching your clit a few times before sinking in two fingers. Whining at the feeling, they weren’t big enough, couldn’t reach where Rens could. Didn’t stuff you as full as his cock could.

“I said finger,” he growled, “Not tease.”

He landed a firm spank on your cheek, lurching you forward on the bed. “Get back here,” Ren yanked on your hips, pushing a hand on your back to force your arch. You whimpered when the cool liquid slid between you. A finger curling down to your clit, wet circles over and over.

Ren tore it away, planting his left hand to the mattress. Draping over you, you could hear the slick sound of him living his cock. Wagging your ass in anticipation, “Tell Daddy what you want.”

He prodded your pucker with his middle finger, sinking it in. Its accepted the intrusion with ease, aching for more. Ren slipped in another, fucking you open with twists of his wrist. His lips lavishing your cheek and lower back.

“Fuck my ass Daddy”

———

Belle had her snowboard, along with her father, Odin was taking ski lessons, and you were there to watch him.

Everyone was safe and happy.

Ren decided to stay with Odin for a moment, so you could head up with your daughter. Giving you a big kiss that was not G-rated, even going so far as squeezing your ass and growling, “I’m tearing this off you when we get back to the room.”

You and Belle settled on the lift, she was smirking at you. “What’s up baby?”

“Nothing.”

She looked out at the landscape, “How’d you sleep?”

You shrugged, “I slept great, it’s a nice bed.”

“I’m sure.”

You squinted at her.

Belle looked back at you, “How’s your ass feeling? After your Daddy fucked it?”

———

i know this just got sent to me and i should focus on other asks BUT i was in a gucci mood and didn’t proof read bc i’m on my phone driving to oregon 😋

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Here’s the link to my Masterlist for all your stalking needs. Gucci is being added soon!

[angstyaches]

hi hi hi so i was reading your fic where felix and elliot are feeding on an animal again and there’s some Hot Vampire Kissing Tm and i was wondering... since it was kinda teensy a little bit (very) hot .... could we have some more vampy- fangy bloody kissing with them please? i know it isn’t emeto or whump related but i figured i could always ask and you can obviously say no if you don’t wanna write it. Thanks!🍄

I honestly can’t tell if this is hot or not but I hope it’s at least nice.

CW: vampire resisting blood, hunger, burps, kissing and more implied spiciness.

Early-Days Felix and Elliott 

Felix didn’t bother sitting down to meals lately. Meaning he didn’t sit down, and he didn’t have meals. Instead, he stood at the kitchen counter and consumed whatever quick snack he managed to rustle up, wanting to dull his sudden cravings before they could set in too deeply.

This is what he was doing at 6am, as the sun cut the white kitchen tiles into slices. He was having toast, because toast felt like a good morning food, and raspberry jam because the visual of something red and sticky entering his mouth was just appealing, it hit upon something in his brain that was begging to be hit upon, but as he chewed it, the illusion gave way, and the jam just tasted like jam.

“There you are.”

Felix looked across the countertop as he chewed, feeling a flicker of affection at the sight of Elliott wandering into the kitchen. His hair was loose and dishevelled, not in its usual ponytail or half-bun. He’d come downstairs in just his boxers and a pinstriped shirt that he hadn’t bothered to button up, clearly not expecting Nancy or Ryan to be up and about yet. And Felix just couldn’t help but gaze at how each inch of fabric sat on Elliott’s body, rustling against his skin with every movement he made.

“Are you alright?” Elliott asked, opening the fridge and carefully selecting a glass bottle from the shelf in the door. Felix swallowed and looked away, unable to bear the sight of the bottle or its contents.

“Yes, I’m okay.”

Elliott glanced over at him, eyeing the toast in his hand, before pouring himself a mugful of the bottle’s contents. It sloshed from glass container to ceramic, and Felix heard every.

Single.

Drop.

He swallowed again, though there was nothing in his mouth but saliva.

“You got hungry again?” Elliott asked, returning the bottle to the fridge door. His surprise was likely due to the fact that they’d both had a large dinner the night before, consisting of fish and chips and lemon cheesecake.

Felix turned his slice of toast over in his hand, feeling grateful for how it had sat nicely in his stomach so far, but also hating it for not being what he really needed. Hating it for its inability to stop the feeling of his teeth being wrenched from deep in his gums.

“Yeah,” he admitted. A half-lie. Dinner hadn’t truly sated him, so technically he was still hungry.

He could see that Elliott was biting the inside of his own lip, and he had a feeling he knew what was going to come next. Elliott’s fingers delicately laid the mug on the countertop, grip lingering on the rim as though poised to move it closer to Felix.

“Felix, I think you should consider –”

“No,” Felix whimpered, backing up.

Elliott’s eyes narrowed. “I wish you would consider drinking a little.”

Felix lifted his food to take a bite, mainly to obscure the shy grin that spread across his face at hearing the concern in Elliott’s voice. It had been two months since Felix had first entered the townhouse and become an official member of the Aldridge clan, and it had been six weeks and two days since he and Elliott had started sharing a bed and kissing and doing the things that often followed kissing. Six weeks in which Felix felt he should have gotten over these silly little moments of incoherent infatuation, and yet he felt as giddy and nervous around Elliott as ever.

Especially when the older man expressed worry over him.

“Please?” Elliott’s voice was low.

Felix placed the remainder of his toast on the plate and licked his lips. “I… I can’t. The idea of it is still rather… repulsive.” Heat shot out to the tips of his ears. “No, no offence…”

“No, I understand what you’re saying.” Elliott pursed his lips, eyes trained on the mug. “The psychological adjustments can be as challenging as the physical ones, if not more challenging.”

As much as Felix appreciated Elliott’s sympathy, it didn’t do much to ease his discomfort. Just because someone else had once felt similarly to how he was feeling now, it didn’t reassure him that he would one day move past it and live like a normal person. A normal vampire, he thought to himself, wondering if he was even allowed to call himself a person anymore.

“You know that it comes from a willing donor, right?” Elliott was referring to the mug’s contents, which Felix was trying hard not to gaze upon. “You’ll probably meet her soon, and hopefully that will ease some of your anxiety.”

Felix gave a heavy shrug. He hoped the same thing, but he also feared that putting a face to the blank, human-shaped blood dispenser in his mind would make the task of consuming all the more difficult. After all, he’d never had any desire to put a name and a face to the cow just before biting into a burger…

“I’m feeling a slight sting myself, and there’s no point in wasting good blood,” Elliott said, his voice becoming deeper and more distant as it did when he was about to feed. “Would it bother you if I drank this?”

Felix shook his head briskly, snatching up the last of his toast. There were three bites’ worth left, but he shoved it all into his mouth at once. The sound of Elliott’s lips sipping on the blood rang loudly through his skull, entering his ears like the incessant humming of a broken street lamp. His own chewing did little to drown it out.

The sipping turned into gulping, and Felix’s eyes widened at the way Elliott tilted his head back under the mug. His free hand gripped the edge of the countertop, as though he might fall over from the force of drinking. Felix’s ears continued to zone in on the sounds of drinking, consuming, guzzling, and he was sure he could hear the liquid being pulled into Elliott’s throat along with tiny pockets of air, the muscles inside his digestive system greedy and eager to get it down as quickly as possible.

Felix had never known it was possible to literally go slack-jawed while watching something, but right then, he couldn’t have closed his mouth if someone had offered to pay him.

“Mm,” Elliott mumbled, gasping softly as he put the mug down, empty, on the countertop again. Hs mouth was smeared in red, a single droplet drawing a line down his stubbled chin.

There was a low rumble in the older vampire’s chest, which Felix only heard because the thirst had heightened his senses, and then a long gurgle as his stomach struggled to settle such a large amount of blood; drinking from a container wasn’t the same as feeding from an animal, so Elliott should probably have drunk it more slowly.

Felix felt his own stomach rumble as though in response to Elliott's, but for the opposite reason; it was making far-too-quick work of the toast and lamenting the lack of what his body truly needed. He still couldn’t manage to close his mouth, despite the saliva gathering around his teeth and wetting his lips.

Elliott frowned and placed a hand on his belly – bare between the unclosed buttons of his shirt – and let out a short, tight belch. “Excuse me.”

“No.”

“No? You won’t excuse me?”

Felix shook his head. He couldn’t stop looking at the red stains on Elliott’s lips and the drip on his chin, which he hadn’t thought to lick or brush away yet. The sudden fullness must have been dulling his instincts; Felix could almost see the bliss in his yellow eyes as warmth flashed through them.

His fingers and lips trembled as he reached for Elliott’s face.

Elliott wore a blank expression as Felix’s thumb dragged up through his beard and over the dip in the corner of his mouth. The thumb came away red and glistening, and Elliott grinned, revealing fangs that were slightly distended from feeding.

“What?” Felix mumbled innocently, as his own thumb entered his mouth.

His lips and tongue began pulling at the liquid, relishing the metallic sweetness. His stomach tightened in anticipation while his head seemed to fill up with butterflies. As he slid his thumb from his mouth, he felt his own fangs reaching down, relieving a little of the pressure in his gums.

“I can’t put my finger on it, Felix,” Elliott whispered, leaning in a little closer, so that Felix could smell even more of the luscious liquid on his breath, “but somehow, you’ve never looked so gorgeous.”

In the end, Felix didn’t know who kissed who first, but what he did know was that Elliott tasted better than any ice cream or strawberry or tuna roll he’d ever eaten. A couple of times, he was worried that he’d sliced his own tongue on a fang – Elliott’s? His own? It was impossible to tell – but even that didn’t slow him down in his search for every last dreg that Elliott hadn’t managed to swallow.

Meanwhile, Elliott’s grip on Felix’s waist tightened, their hips eventually digging into one another’s, Elliott’s back being pressed up against the edge of the countertop. Eventually, their lips parted, thanks to Elliott pulling his head back.

Felix’s eyes fluttered open, lips still bobbing as though they didn’t understand that the kiss had ended. Elliott was pressing a hand to his mouth, frowning as he let out another belch.

“I’m so sorry,” he grumbled, as though annoyed by his own body. “I just drank and you’re pressing quite hard on my stomach...”

Felix tried to shimmy back a little, though he was swiftly drawn back in by Elliott’s arms. Elliott’s eyes scanned Felix’s face, another grin tugging at his mouth.

“What?” Felix asked breathlessly.

“You’ve got, uh… Sorry, that’s my fault.” Elliott lifted a thumb to the corner of Felix’s mouth, dragging it across his lip.

“Am I messy?” Felix’s voice was a little distorted from having his lip tugged at. He batted his eyelashes at the delicious look in Elliott’s eyes.

“You’re positively radiant.” Hands slid around Felix’s neck, cupping his head and drawing him in for one last chaste kiss. “Why don’t I get you a little something to drink, and then we can head back to bed for a bit?”

Felix caught a fingernail between his teeth as Elliott and his lips moved away from him, towards the fridge again. He could feel a full-on blush starting, surprised that his body found enough red blood cells to pull off such a feat.

“Okay, darling.” 

[missorgana]

not without my muse

pairing: bucky barnes/sam wilson/steve rogers

fandom: mcu

rating: general

word count: 9259

warning: swearing, referenced (canon) character death

summary: Sam celebrates his birthday while on the run. He has a lot of feelings about being away from home, and a lot of feelings about two of his companions. (slightly canon divergent post-cacw pining)

(my best boy sam wilson’s birthday AND on bisexual visibility day 🥳 he is so important to me of course i needed to write something. this is for the lovely Samtember event by @samwilsonfest, and this is also my first time writing the all caps ot3 !! i want to thank my beta-reader for helping me out sm with this, and the horse gc on twitter for cheering me on as always 💖 hope you enjoy??)

read on ao3

This morning is just as the many, many other mornings Sam’s had since he became a fugitive from the government; waking up from relatively peaceful slumber on a stiff mattress and remembering the reality of the ship that is their only refuge. Better than stingy motels, though.

God. Yet another day.

It’s only been three months since Steve and him picked Bucky up; five months since Natasha joined them. Four of them now, harder to stay under the radar, but they’re making it work.

Naturally the blond is keeping an eye on his friend every waking moment, and Sam’s decided to do the same when Steve finally lets himself sleep.

The ex-Winter Soldier is quiet. He seemed happy to see them. Tired. Sam would be surprised otherwise.

And now they’ve landed for three days; that’s the maximum, of course, and they’ll have to get in the air as early as possible, stretching it an extra day isn’t the wisest, but resources are limited and they need to eat, obviously.

He blinks himself awake in the morning sunlight streaming in; the faintest of bird songs outside. Seems to be the first one awake.

Just another day on the run. Except-

Except it’s Sam’s birthday today.

It takes a minute for it to hit him, actually, funny; he’d almost forgotten it was coming up. That’s strange to think about. But as fugitives, that’s still just as much another day, because, well, what is he supposed to do?

What Sam sits up, stares into the empty space in front of him and thinks of, what he wants and needs so desperately is to go home. To his little sister, his nephews.

They have burner phones and it helps. But that doesn’t really feel like enough right now, it couldn’t. He hopes he’ll have the chance to have a phone call today, then, with any of them. Sarah’s voice always grounds him when he needs it, or hearing Cass’ laugh.

Even with burner phones they’re keeping contact short and limited, you can’t ever be careful enough. Maybe Nat’s too paranoid, or maybe she’s just too experienced with this thing. The latter, he’d say. They have to remain untraceable, unfindable.

Somehow, by his friend’s pained face a month ago, when she’d been humming  American Pie  to herself and he’d sat down, not really saying anything but rather just listened, a soothing sort of thing in the middle of this, he’s got a feeling she understands what he’s feeling right now. Missing someone so badly you can’t get yourself to do anything else.

Speaking of Natasha, soon enough she enters his line of vision and takes the rear seat, reminding him that he needs to get up already. Get ready. Get going. Yet another day.

“‘Morning,” he tells her while stretching, his back aching, which is to be expected nowadays, sadly. Last night was probably the most rest they’ve had in days.

She nods in acknowledgement; not a morning person, he’s aware.

For a split second Sam wonders if she knows what day it is, but perhaps it doesn’t really matter. He can’t remember if he’s told her. Or if she found out on her own with those russian superspy skills of hers.

Ah, well. It’s not like he expects a surprise party. Or gifts or cake or… whatever. He just wishes he’d had more sleep, two weeks of it would be sufficient. One can only dream.

As his friend wakes the Quinjet to life and he himself gets to work at the map, previous locations and small jobs pinned as they go, though, he feels a hand and arm briefly graze his waist as the person passes by behind him.

He reveals himself soon enough; Steve’s voice is hoarser than usual when he tells him, “Happy birthday, Sammy.”

The blond caught a cold recently, which he didn’t even know was possible with the super serum, but he passed by it quickly. Reminded Bucky of the old days, whatever that may have meant.

His friend remembered. And now said friend is standing next to him with a shy smile and looking at him in a way that puzzles Sam. Sort of like he wants to say more. Or like the greeting wasn’t enough, like he was ashamed. Or like he’s keeping something from him. That’s a lot he’s getting from just one facial expression, he realises, but spending every waking moment with someone else makes you familiar, more than they already were, that is.

The smile does make him feel instantly better about getting up at all this morning.

It reminds Sam of Sarah’s voice. That doesn’t make much sense, does it?

But it’s grounding. He likes Steve’s smile a lot; the bigger one even better, when it turns into a grin without all the self-righteousness he puts on when they get down to business, and he just looks wide-eyed and sunny.

And he smiles back easily, feeling his smile form like the warmth spreading in his throat.

God, his eyes are still burning. His friend’s hand hasn’t left his waist, he suddenly realises. Does Steve realise? Should he point it out? He’s probably as tired as himself, he reasons.

“You remembered?” The statement comes out as more of a question, and the man next to him soon turns the smile into a half-frown.

“Of course,” the blond replies, “It’s your birthday.”

His voice is ever so stern. Sam would laugh at his serious demeanor, if he wasn’t still blinking sleep out of his eyes.

“I didn’t expect you to, man. Given our, uh… current situation.”

His friend’s hand still hasn’t left his waist. Huh. He isn’t complaining, though, the touch is… soft. Welcome. It just makes his brain wander, which is a little hard work at 6am.

“You should,” Steve says. He’s smiling again, and turns then, to look at the map lighting up in front of them, “It’s important.”

See, another thing Sam likes about him: the sincerity is overwhelmingly evident, clear when it’s coming from him. He nods, and bites his lip. Both of them seem to contemplate the visual in front of them for a bit. When Bucky’s footsteps sound behind them and he eventually appears on the other side of Steve, the blond still doesn’t remove his hand.

He doesn’t really want him to move it, to be completely honest. Sam likes it there. Perhaps he could touch it with his own. But that’d be weird, right?

A gruff mumble reaches him with its own lieu of a greeting, “Happy birthday.”

Sam finds himself blinking in surprise; slowly, twice.

Ah, well. Steve must’ve told him.

*

They’re not doing any odd jobs today; missions are there when they need to keep busy, and Nat’s an expert on undercover work. Rather the goal for the day is finding a new hideout for a night or two and stocking up on supplies. Still undercover work, kind of.

This is why they’re heading into the main street in sunglasses, caps and hoodies, keeping their heads low, weapons down and Bucky’s instinct to cover his arm sticks with him, clearly.

“Two hours,” Natasha told them, “We can’t afford to risk anymore. Meet back at the ship.”

They all know the plan, because it’s the same plan, time after time, day after day, yet they repeat it like a mantra. Soon enough, they’re split into teams, the brunette and blonde heading for the pharmacy while he and Steve look over the grocery store aisles.

Sam’s planning to call Sarah; hopefully catch her when she’s home from work, before going to bed, otherwise he wouldn’t know when he’d be able to get a hold of her again. Might be weeks. Going by the sugary cereals reminds him a bit too much of his nephews, in fact, he has to look straight ahead and keep going. He feels Steve’s eyes on his neck.

Speaking of Steve, once they’re in the queue, Sam feels a familiar hand going for his pocket and it certainly isn’t his own.

The blond doesn’t speak a word. He wants to ask, but his friend puts all his focus on paying with his only free hand, and a strange sense of calm comes over Sam, for some reason he can’t begin to explain. This birthday is stranger than he expected it to be.

And the moment disappears again before he knows it; like in the morning, on the ship.

Steve had to let go eventually. Sam finds himself wishing he didn’t.

Even stranger, the blond has an errand to run, he says. Alone.

“You sure?” he hesitates with the question, because surely if Steve wanted him to know he would say, but keeping secrets is sort of out of character for his friend, “We’re meeting Bucky and Nat halfway. We’ll watch your back.”

Steve shakes his head firmly, “I’ll catch up to you, won’t be long.”

He still isn’t saying exactly where he’s going. It worries Sam, just a little bit. Not exactly a fan of letting his best friend out of sight.

But when the blond’s set on a decision, there’s no way anyone can tell him otherwise. “Okay,” Sam decides, “Call me if you need me.”

“Always.”

In response to his explanation of Steve’s absence, he gets a simple tilt of Natasha’s head and Bucky’s face twitching so quickly he’d miss it if they weren’t huddled so close together. The woman doesn’t exactly look happy about it. The taller man, meanwhile, he has the face that Sam knows is his worrying face; he just recognizes it so instantly it scares him a little.

At least his other friends are behaving normally; well, not Bucky, because he’s been considering too many reasons why the ex-Winter Soldier would possibly know about his birthday, and all of them are logical. But it still makes him feel some sort of way. Like when Steve smiles at him.

It takes Sam a moment to register Natasha speaking because he’s stuck inside his head about the two other men, but, “Happy birthday, by the way,” she tells him, a crooked smile and hands in her pockets.

“Thanks, Romanova. Still hate birthdays?”

“Absolutely,” she huffs, “Mostly my own, however. Must be a disappointing one today, though, huh?”

Sam just has to move his eyes to Bucky for a second, who abandoned the bench for the flea market on the other side of the road. He has no idea why.

He wonders if his friend notices. He shrugs in response, “Could be better. I need to talk to my sister.”

Her nod is short, and her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. It’s these types of situations where he knows better than to ask.

And while the brunette’s crossing the street back to them again, the blond also reappears behind them, which is clear by him patting Sam’s shoulder. He’s never been this touchy before. Has he?

What’s the most surprising isn’t that though, rather, it’s when Natasha eagerly continues on, right in the heels of Bucky, and Steve matches his own pace behind them. Then, he hands Sam a white box.

He doesn’t understand. His best friend looks at him expectantly, until it seemingly dawns upon that Sam needs an explanation.

“It’s for you,” he says, smile evident in his voice, no matter how hard he tries to whisper.

“For me?” he asks, because the gesture confuses him beyond words, “I- why?”

Well, this is a birthday present, isn’t it? It can’t be, though. Steve really shouldn’t. It’d be too much trouble to do when they’re literally running for their lives, and the guilt is already showing its ugly head inside his mind.

It’s Steve’s turn to look confused, “For your birthday.”

Right. Right, okay.

“You didn’t have to.”

His friend slows down his pace a bit, “I know.”

“But you still…” Sam doesn’t really know where he’s going with that sentence, to be honest. That feeling in his gut wishes Steve’s hand was touching his waist again. He could easily understand. Explain it away, act like it’s not making him feel certain things and think certain thoughts and making him overthink the blond’s eyes staring back at him behind the shades.

“I wanted to, Sam,” Steve tells him, speeding up again, they almost lost sight of their friends for a second there, “You deserve it. Well, you deserve more, but I- we can’t.”

It’s as if his heart does a somersault, runs a marathon and wrings itself inside out, all at the same time.

Oh.

Sam decides to look at him in question, and his friend somehow knows what he’s saying, “Open it.”

So he does. Inside, he finds a birthday cake. Or rather an oreo ice cream cake. One similar to the one he’s gotten for basically all the birthdays he can remember, all the way back to his childhood. It’s a tradition.

When exactly did he tell Steve about that? He must have, sometime, a long time ago, but he can’t recall when.

And because he’s getting a bit too overwhelmed by this gift, and this day that’s barely even started, he just looks at the cake in shock and tries for the life of himself to look casual about it. He also tries extremely hard to read his friend’s face, but it’s nearly impossible.

“My favorite,” is all Sam can come up with. He feels like a bit of an idiot. But also, he feels like someone needs to pinch his side. And he feels a lot like flying, no wings required.

“I know.”

*

Steve is doing things to him, and he probably doesn’t even realise.

He wouldn’t expect anything else, he’s a good friend, he’s Sam's  best  friend, yet the blond putting his hand in his pocket again and the box holding that cake is making his head spin.

He has to stop thinking about it too much. Sam just really needs to talk to Sarah.

Getting through the crowds of people, avoiding any possible surveillance cameras and eyeing suspicious suited men until they realise they’re just accountants or lawyers or bankers, it’s quite some work, but they make it back to the secluded woods where the Quinjet’s waiting - thank heavens for cloaking technology, huh?

He eyes his wristwatch, now might be the best time to try reaching his little sister. There’s coverage, too, it seems.

This is why Sam slows down and eventually stops in front of the entrance, the three of them all giving him a variation of confused looks until he holds up the burner phone as explanation. He hopes they’ll understand. They nod, so most likely.

“Don’t be long, Sam,” the woman warns him, but there’s still a hint of smile there. He returns it with a bit of relief.

The tone rings three times before someone answers. Sam is close to giving up until the sound shakes, and his sister’s voice comes through the speaker and washes over him with the greatest relief he’s felt in a long time, “Sammy?”

He can’t help the grin growing on his face. “Yeah, it’s me.”

Sarah’s giggles remind him of home. And God, does he want to see them again so badly.

He doesn’t regret standing by Steve, but being so far from the safety he knows is terrifying, sometimes. And lonely.

“You’re still causing trouble?” she asks, and yeah, she can always get a laugh out of him, no matter the situation, no matter how long they've been apart. It’s part of their connection, he guesses.

Sam also rolls his eyes, which she can’t see, of course, she’d only tease him more, “Trying to stay out of it, more like.”

His little sister sighs, “Happy birthday. I miss you.”

The relief and nostalgic happiness switches into something a bit more melancholic, the nostalgia frighteningly more heartbreaking. They usually avoid talking about, well, Sam’s current situation, whenever they communicate. It took him a long time of secrecy before breaking the news to his nephews, revealing why he couldn’t visit them at the moment.

“I miss you too,” Sam tells her, hoping his sincerity can be heard over the phone, “I wish I could see you.”

“Me too.”

Speaking of his nephews, it’s not long into their phone calls before some muffled voices in the background make themselves known, and Sarah laughs softly again, some movement can be heard, “It’s your uncle on the phone.”

He’s pretty sure she put him on speaker, because next thing he knows AJ is yelling into his ear, “Uncle Sam! Uncle Sam!?”

Sam bites his lip. He hasn’t got much time before they need to leave, and if he returns to the ship with tears in his eyes Steve will probably look at him with his big knowing eyes and say this is all his fault. He can’t have his best friend blaming himself this much, not right now, anyway.

Because, well, yeah, they’re on the run because of the Accords. He’d never sign that for the life of him regardless of Steve, but Sam also trusts the blond with his life honestly. Since they met Steve’s been by his side, unwavering, and he intends to do the same for him.

And he doesn’t know Bucky… he still doesn’t. He’d like to. But if Steve is willing to go this far for his friend, he’s just as willing.

He shakes the thoughts of his two friends out of his head, for now, sniffles and laughs through the tears threatening to escape his eyes, “I’m here, buddy.”

“Uncle Sam, are you crying?” Cass’ voice comes through this time, he really can’t hide anything from them, can he? “You shouldn’t be sad on your birthday. You’re beating up bad guys, right?!”

Sarah’s laugh overlaps with his own, “Not exactly.”

“Oh, all the time,” he retaliates, “Your mother’s lying to you, boys.”

His sister’s fake gasp sets him back to the lemonade stand they set up together when they were kids, Sam was certain he remembered their mom’s recipe right, and Sarah didn’t talk to him the whole day when he doubted her version. Of course neither of them were right, anyway.

He feels like a broken record inside his head, but the only thing he wishes for is to see her face. Kiss her nose because she found it so embarrassing, but she’s grown fond of it, he can just tell.

So Sam does try to narrate the odd jobs they’ve been doing, making it as dramatic as possible and leaving out all the existential fear and doubt and his tired bones repeating the same protocols over and over. The boys love every second of it.

He knows his sister is shaking her head at him when AJ excitedly interrupts his story of his first visit to Wakanda, “I could be a hero too, right? Right!?” “You can be anything you want,” he tells him, the tears welling up again. In the far corner of his eye he spots Nat returning to the walkway of the Quinjet, leaning against the opening expectantly. She can wait for a minute, he decides.

“Mom! Mom! Uncle Sam said I can be just like him!”

“You can, sweetheart, but that’s for when you’re older, okay?” Sarah’s voice is a bit quieter now, and his nephews both come through with some sad sounding noises, “Your uncle’s job can be- uh, dangerous.”

He nods. That’s an understatement. Of course, none of them can see this, he realises, once again looking towards his friend who’s waiting for him, looking up in the sky in search of who knows what. Redwing’s still checking the perimeter, so they should be safe for now. The blonde doesn’t exactly trust the drone, as she’s told him on many, many occasions, but she’ll warm up to him.

“Your mom’s right,” Sam finally answers, and although he’s not sure he fully believes it himself, he’ll make the best attempt he can to ease his little sister’s worries. God knows how much she’s got to deal with back home, “I’ll be careful, though. I gotta come back and check on you guys.”

There’s silence for a moment. Then, “You better.”

Sam smiles. He can hear the tears in her voice, too, “I promise. I intend to keep my promises.”

His sister sighs, she’s not agreeing or disagreeing or… anything, but she sounds a little more calm. A little. He’s trying, but he knows he’s giving himself away, tripping in place and laughing more nervously than anything else.

“I know you don’t have much time, Sam. Just promise me you’re taking care of yourself, okay?” “Always-”

“Did you have any cake, Uncle Sam?” AJ’s voice resurfaces once again, and he laughs at the interruption, “We always get cake for you… we want to.”

The disappointment is clear as day, and very much breaking his heart into pieces that he doesn’t know how to pick up or where to keep. Sam clears his throat instead, and looks toward his blonde friend once again, who gives him a crooked smile and shrugs one shoulder.

They should go soon. Nat’s looking at her watch, but she’s not rushing him, though.

“I know you do, buddy. We can have all the cake we want when I come to visit you, right?” he reassures his nephew, who giggles with his brother in excitement, before his sister’s half-joking disapproval, “I wouldn’t say  all the cake, but we’ll see about it.”

He looks away from his friend on the Quinjet, looks at his watch, sees Redwing descending to the ground. Time’s up. 

But for some reason, Sam can’t say goodbye before he finds a question popping up in his mind, one that’s been all there all day and confused him to no end.  “Sarah?” he asks, she hums in response, “I have to go but I need to ask, does it- uhm… does it mean something if Steve got me a birthday cake?”

A moment of silence again, somehow seeming agonizingly longer than before. “I don’t understand what you’re asking, Sammy, sorry.” He thinks his sister might be frowning in question, but it’s hard to tell. She just sounds as confused as he’s feeling.

“I mean… I don't know. He remembered my favorite cake. And he went on this secret trip to get it?” 

Sam laughs at himself, and the thoughts of his friend come back again. The friend he’s known for a long time now, the one who held his hand as they landed in Wakanda, something that he didn’t fully process then because of how the airsickness clogged his ears and made him feel like vomiting, but it’s all he can think back to, now.

He continues, “I just don’t understand why he’d go to so much trouble for me. One wrong move, a wrong person and he could’ve-”, of course, he abruptly pauses, remembering his young nephews still on the line, backtracking, “... you know.”

Sam doesn’t know how long he waits for his little sister’s answer, and he doesn’t know what he’s expecting either. She can’t exactly look into Steve’s head, and they’ve never met, anyway. Maybe she’ll tell him to stop worrying and focus on not getting arrested, or worse.

And yet, Sarah replies with, “You’re worth that risk.”

He furrows his brows, “Sorry?”

“You’re worth that risk and more, Sam. To me,” she says, voice confident and filled with the peace of the early mornings he misses so much, “And to him too, I bet.”

Huh. Sam cannot for the life of him think of a response to that.

“You still with me?”

He shakes his head at himself, nods at Natasha, who nods in response and retreats into the ship. “Hm? Yeah, yeah. I am.”

Sarah laughs at him, which is a bit rude, but he doesn’t mind. He’d like to listen to it all day and every day, if he could. In fact, he has to remind himself to make her laugh as much as he can when he sees them again.

He promised to get back to them. Sam Wilson keeps his promises.

“I love you,” his sister says, which is better than saying goodbye. Until next time, more like. See you soon, very, very soon.

It’s only then he feels like he can breathe again, “Love you too.”

*

See, being on the run in a Quinjet is much, much easier than Steve’s tragically tiny car - not only due to the advantage of having space and proper beds and not having to check in on questionable locations every three days under a new fake name, but also, it has a freezer.

Useful when your best friend decides to get you an ice cream birthday cake.

Sam actually finds it already placed in the freezer, one that’s heavily organized, all thanks to Nat. When he spots the box, he finds himself wondering if their two companions noticed it. If so, they aren’t addressing it.

A silence has settled over the ship now; it’s midday, sky’s clear save for the grey clouds lurking in the distance, and Steve’s taken over the rear so Natasha can take a break. They do it in shifts, because more often than not they have to keep on the move at night, as well.

And while their friend has resided to her bed and headphones, Sam lingers in the kitchen area, interconnected with the main cockpit. 

The blond’s back is turned to him. He always taps his foot when he’s concentrating on something, and he’s put on the radio. Marvin Gaye, of course. Sam can’t help smiling to himself.

Steve’s hair has grown ridiculously long now- well, so has his own, not exactly much access to hairdressers at the moment. They could both match Bucky’s hairdo soon, he bets.

Speaking of the long haired man, this is exactly who soon joins him, almost sneaking up on him, his footsteps barely making a sound. Sam was a bit in his own world anyway, he’ll admit.

When he appears on his side, he stands for a moment and moves his gaze in the same direction as his own. Sam wonders if he should make conversation, but the moment’s gone in the blink of an eye when Bucky grabs a beer from the fridge and then comes to learn against the counter like himself.

It’s a rare kind of quiet on the ship.

It feels almost… relaxed. Calm unlike those many strained silences after almost getting recognized in public or nights when Sam finds himself unable to sleep, and somehow, a strange sense of knowing that all his friends are kept awake as well. Steve snores, so the lack of the sound is a giveaway, and Nat is restless, moving around the ship when she thinks the men don’t hear her.

Bucky’s bed is in his line of vision, however, so he knows the longer haired man rarely sleeps these days. At least, when he’s up at night, he’s noticed his friend staring at the ceiling, bedsheet abandoned at his feet and almost looking like he’s holding his breath.

It’s those nights Sam is eternally grateful for the locket his sister gave him; made sure to put her and his nephews on one side, their parents on the other. He can’t explain how, but having them close to his heart when they’re running errands, the anxiety that creeps up on him lessens, a little bit.

And Riley’s army tags. He left their pictures together back at the house, he bitterly remembers, and prays to all the higher powers out there that the agents sent after them haven’t touched that box. That it’s still on the top shelf of his closet, containing the polaroids and every drawing Cass has made him, and his mother’s favorite scarf.

Sam smiles to himself at the memory. She knitted him a million scarves and socks and hats, but that one, it keeps him connected to her. Like, he can put it under his pillow and close his eyes and he can almost see her and her warm eyes and hear her sing him and Sarah to sleep.

Suddenly, his thoughts are interrupted, by the man next to him poking his side gently.

“I got you something,” Bucky tells him, his demeanor neutral, lips showing the slightest hint of a smile that no one would notice. Sam does, though. He does the same when they play chess to pass the time; secretive, trying his hardest to hide his enjoyment of the game.

He blinks at his friend, “Huh?”

The brunette shrugs, “For your birthday. It’s not much, but…”

“I…” Sam doesn’t even know what to say, one minute focused on Steve’s gift and now another gift for him to process, neither of which he expected at all, “Bucky, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

Bucky shrugs again. “Don’t care. I wanted you to have something.”

Okay. His friend’s face doesn’t change a bit, but the moment changes, and it’s much like the ship and everything else around them vanishes into thin air. It’s just the man next to him and his stoic face and messed up hair.

“Is that okay?” he asks him, and Sam can’t do anything else than nod. He has to take a deep breath, for some reason, as if his lungs grew three sizes. And it feels like someone lit fire sparklers inside his chest.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course it’s okay. I’m just surprised, is all.”

“Good,” his friend replies quickly, before turning his back to him and walking across the room.

He returns not long after, with a familiar white box in his hands, and offers it to Sam before grabbing the beer can again. Leaning back, taking a way bigger gulp than necessary, eyes seemingly avoiding to look him in the eyes.

He really can’t stop looking at Bucky, though. So he opens the box instead, and finds just how familiar it is. Inside it, an ice cream cake. His favorite. Also, the exact same as the one Steve got him just hours earlier.

This is why Sam looks up at the blond’s still turned back for a moment. He’s whistling to the tune of the music.

Then Sam looks back at Bucky, who still isn’t looking at him, and bites his lip. He finds himself clutching the box tightly, fearing it’s a dream that’ll disappear if he startles awake, but none of it fades away and instead he’s stuck in place because… so, not only did his two friends get him cake.

They got him the same cake. Two of them.

His only guess is that they didn’t plan or… coordinate anything, because it’s not like they had much time in town. They made sure to get something there. For him.

Sam can’t quite contain the grin growing on his face.

And, well, his friend is still avoiding looking at him, so he nudges him with his elbow and hopes his, “Thank you,” doesn’t sound too hoarse or low or nervous even though his voice breaks in the middle. He wishes he could call Sarah again, and tell the boys he’s gotten two cakes this year. They’d be ecstatic. And he could forget his confusion for a bit.

Bucky shrugs once again. “It’s the least I could do.”

*

Hours pass by until the evening announces its presence, and Sam and his friends are each left to their own devices; Steve’s steering while Natasha’s navigating the map, and while he himself was searching for a podcast to shut the world out for a minute he rather just ends up listening to the rain pattering down around them.

One birthday out of the ordinary, that’s for sure. It’s around ten before he sees Bucky again, but he does appear, with a new can of beer and sits on the far end of his bed. His hair’s still damp from the shower, tied up in a bun.

Sam quite likes it when he does that; well, he likes his long hair, it looks like it would be soft. He doesn’t know how he knows that, but… he just knows. 

But he’s always blowing strands of hair away from his face, and this way, you can see all his features, every little thing you don’t immediately notice, every tiny waver on his lips and every glint in his eye.

The glint in said eyes appears when they play chess, of course. When Steve shows him one of his drawings, or when he huffs to himself over the book he acquired on the last flea market he found, multiple states over.

Thing is, it was definitely in his eyes when he handed Sam that box. Maybe that’s why he avoided looking at him after the fact.

And well, it’s got Sam’s heart in a twist. This whole day’s got his heart in a twist, really.

Because he misses his little sister and his nephews and his parents. And Riley’s tags against his chest are pressing too fucking hard. 

And Steve and Bucky, they… they’re making him feel… how Riley made him feel. Breathless. Light as a feather. Like he could just look at them and everything would be okay despite everything being very, very much not okay these days. They’re just- they’re like that. 

Oh, this is bad. This is really, really bad.

Sam can’t be in love with his best friend. Or his best friend’s friend. Or… both?

He can’t be in love, period. Especially not with his partners in crime, so to speak. Yet, he can’t stop thinking about Steve’s smile and Bucky shrugging like it didn’t matter, but it mattered. It did to Sam. It does.

He shakes his head at himself and wonders if Sarah would do the same. Can you be in love with two people at the same time? It feels very real, but he doesn’t know. Maybe it just overwhelmed him. Maybe his birthday this year makes no sense, which he already knew, but regardless. Maybe they were just being good friends, or maybe they remind him of Riley too much, or maybe those feelings have been there all along and Sam’s been closing them off for too long.

Too many maybes. Way too many.

And apparently, Sam ponders over this for far too long, because the grey skies outside have turned significantly darker and Bucky has disappeared from his bed and instead sits down on his own. He already feels his heart jump into his throat.

“Hey,” the man says, a curious sort of look in his eyes, like he’s trying to read Sam’s mind. He can’t help returning the smile he’s given, instantly feeling at ease in the other man’s company. Steve’s still whistling along to the mixtapes in the cockpit, he can’t quite stop thinking about it, but that seems incredibly far away right now.

“Hey,” he answers. Sam’s trying to read the brunette, but he’s not sure how. Earlier, he grabbed a piece of each cake his friends gave him, and it’s an outstanding cake, almost as good as the one from his childhood, but he really couldn’t stop thinking about what Sarah told him over the phone.  You’re worth that risk . “Bucky, can I ask you something?”

He nods. “How do you know it’s my birthday?”

“Hm?”

“I mean,” Sam’s lips feel dry as he speaks, “Did Steve tell you? I just don’t remember it coming up, so-”

“Not today.”

What… what exactly does that mean?

“I don’t understand.”

Bucky’s face morphs into an expression that seems like he’s thinking hard, trying hard to recall something from a long, long time ago. And that turns out to be almost true, “When you visited me in Wakanda for the first time. It was a month before your birthday.”

That is also true. Sam wanted to go back home, trying to think of ways both he and Steve could hide out there but ultimately deemed it too dangerous. He’d never be able to live with himself if he put his sister and nephews in danger. He just couldn't. 

“...Right.”

“You talked about Sarah,” he remembers, and the smile on his face grows a little bigger, “I had a sister, too. Older. You said she worries about you a lot. That her laugh is the best thing you know, that she teases you all the time, but you deserve it most of the time, too. Steve said you guys were talking about going fishing when all this is over, that your parents got a boat, because of your family business, uh-”

“Wilson Family Seafood,” Sam blurts out, because he has no idea what else to say.

“That’s it,” the brunette chuckles low, “I’ve always wanted to try seafood. Never did. Stevie won’t because he’s a coward. But he really wanted to meet your family. I get it, they sound lovely.”

So. Sam is rather speechless. All he’s feeling is the heat rising in his cheeks and hearing the rain growing louder. Bucky’s just sitting there with this big smile on his face and he wants to look inside his head and figure out why he’s doing this to him.

“You… you remembered all that?”

The man shrugs. “I did.”

“We weren’t- we barely knew each other, then. We fought all the time before Shuri treated you,” Sam points out.

“I know.”

“But you remembered my birthday, and my family, and-”

“You had orange juice in the morning,” he interrupts, “Steve hates orange juice. It made you laugh, how much he hates it, it’s a whole thing. Your eyes get all crinkled in the corners when you laugh like that, you could barely breathe. You looked really happy and… carefree. I wished you didn’t leave, that first time. I wanted you to stay.”

Oh.  Oh.

“Bucky,” he tries, taking a breath. Sam gets this overwhelming urge to not say anything, and instead lean over and close the space between them. Is he overthinking this? “Why did you get me that cake? And why-  how  do you remember all of this? I wanted to check on you while Steve was undercover but I wasn’t sure if you trusted me enough, without him.”

The man next to him frowns, “It was for your birthday, Sam, I told you.”

“Yeah, but-”

“And I like looking at you.”

Sam thinks his brain might short circuit. He blinks in pure shock at the words, “What?”

“The sound of your voice is... calming. Beautiful. You know, I only acted like an asshole to get you to talk to me. I wanted you to trust me,” Bucky licks his lips, and although it seems like he wants to say more, he opens and closes his mouth within a few seconds.

The sparklers in his chest are nearly turning into fireworks, and Sam honestly doesn’t know how to hold them down. He doesn’t really want to. But he also doesn’t know if Bucky is… if he’s communicating the same feelings as the ones blooming inside himself.

He should ask. But the man next to him is blinking with his long lashes and a shy smile that makes Sam’s words fail him, and instead he feels compelled to ask something slightly different, “What- what are you saying? I mean what are you thinking about?”

They’ve also been inching closer to each other. And the sound of the rain has faded in his ears, because all he’s hearing is his own breathing mixed in with Bucky’s.

Sam can’t really breathe, maybe because he’s a little nervous that his reading of his friend is purely wishful thinking. It’s only been one day, but he’s fallen in love on his birthday, he doesn’t doubt it anymore, at all. Twice. At the same time, it feels like he’s finally breathing after holding his breath for over a year.

The brunette’s smile turns into a smirk that should probably annoy him, but it doesn’t. Just makes his heart beat faster.

“I’m thinking about kissing you,” Bucky says bluntly.

Oh, Sarah would be thrilled to hear this. But first things first, Sam thinks he might be going crazy.

But he’s not,  you’re not . He hasn’t felt that swooping feeling in his gut since Riley, and… God. It just feels right, and he’d curse himself for never noticing this till now. But he’s too distracted by his friend’s statement, and how the fireworks in his chest are spreading to his entire body when he looks at Bucky’s face.

Sam’s already moving closer, “You want to kiss me?”

The other man huffs, “Pretty much. If you’d like that, that is.”

And well, he doesn’t need much time to think about that preposition, “I think I’d like that, yeah.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

They’re already practically nose to nose, it's been a long time since he’s rushed to act on something as fast as this, and he doesn’t even need to rush, because Bucky’s lips are on his before he knows it, and they’re chapped and slightly desperate but it’s just… perfect. Those fireworks, Sam’s seeing them under his eyelids and feeling them in his fingertips and it’s the best feeling he’s ever had, quite frankly.

His friend’s hand landing on his thigh is pretty good, too. Sam pulls back to catch his breath, and he feels lightheaded, all the way up in the clouds. Bucky frowns and pulls him back.

They kiss slowly, putting thousands of thoughts into every single one, and now, he can read the brunette like an open book. They fall into the same pace so, so easily. The hand on his thigh doesn’t move, just traces circles with his thumb, until it freezes for a second when Sam decides to hold it. His friend grins and their teeth clash, but neither of them care much.

It feels like forever and yet nowhere near enough time when they finally pull apart, and his companion runs his tongue over his bottom lip. Sam doesn’t want to let go of his hand. Bucky isn’t moving, either.

Now it’s definitely harder for Sam to breathe, but for a very different reason. He thinks it’s stopped raining outside. The brunette tilts his head and stares at him, not intensely, but a gaze that makes the fireworks reduce to a soft, everburning ember. He wishes he wasn’t lost for words. It all just makes sense.

“What are you doing?” Sam blurts out, eyes not leaving his friend’s. He’d like to keep kissing him, but he also craves a lot more sleep than last night. He was so very wrong about his birthday being just another day, this year.

Bucky’s smile isn’t shy anymore, “Looking at you.”

*

When Sam wakes the morning after his birthday, to the same walls of the Quinjet and the same hum of the engine and the same thin mattress, he feels like everything’s changed.

Steve’s still taking the helm and Natasha’s still cooking with her headphones on, but Bucky is giving him a sly smile over his coffee, which just makes him miss his lips. Too much.

He thinks the fireworks are changing into butterflies, sort of; he feels even lighter than yesterday, and he also fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The first thing when he opened his eyes being his friend messing up his hair definitely also contributed to the warmth still spreading in Sam’s body.

It does hit him, did their two companions see them? Realise what happened? They aren’t acknowledging it if they did, and the brunette’s throwing secretive glances at him every so often, which just makes Sam full out blush. Bucky smirks every time.

So, yeah, he’s pretty much floating on pink skies this morning, and his little sister would gag at his cheesiness, but he doesn’t care in the least. 

He finds himself touching Riley’s tags with his ring finger, through his t-shirt. The metal’s cold, not burning itself into his chest anymore, like it did yesterday morning.

The bliss Sam’s feeling does hit a slight halt, though, when he opens the freezer to his two not yet eaten cakes. Steve.

It’s suddenly like his brain’s going in hyperspeed again, and the thoughts of the blond man echoes in him from the day before. And  fuck . That ‘in love with two people at the same time’ thing? It might be true. At least, he feels it glaring at the back of his neck, begging him to not ignore it.

Maybe his birthday was a little, uh, complicated after all. Still sort of is. Sam can’t stop thinking of the brunette’s breath on his lips and fingers caressing his thigh, but he certainly cannot stop thinking of his best friend’s hopeful eyes as he gave him that cake either, the offended look when he told him he didn’t have to, as if not getting him a birthday present was equal to a criminal offense for the blond.

Just as he thought he had something worked out in the middle of this mess, his two friends are haunting his mind. Dammit.

Sam’s unsure if he should talk to Steve about it, if he should tell him and Natasha about the kiss or not, but coincidentally, the blonde woman decides to do a pit stop. Eerily similar to his friend yesterday, she doesn’t really tell them much about where she’s going, but promises she’ll be back in less than two hours. What the hell, they’re hidden in the thick woods, might as well go for a walk and attempt to clear his head when the opportunity hits.

Bucky brushes his hand with his own as they exit the ship, but the man also rushes to the nearest town (Sam’s got a feeling he’s looking for a bookstore) and so that leaves him with the blond himself.

Steve’s looking with the greatest interest at a squirrel collecting its food when he smiles at him, “Wanna join me for a walk?”

His friend looks up with a smile as big as the sun, nodding, “Sure.”

On the walk, they’re getting creative, let’s say. There’s lots of hiking paths in here, not many people, but they remember caps and sunglasses just to be on the safe side. Generally trying to steer in circles around the paths, circulating the ship, not getting farther away than necessary.

Steve whistles to himself,  American Pie , Sam recognizes it from Natasha in an instant. And well, that takes him back to his friend humming to Marvin Gaye just yesterday evening, while Bucky kissed him.

They both gave him the same cake. Wait, wait- why is Sam only thinking about that, really, now? Did they plan it?

Doesn’t seem like it, though, considering they both were rather secretive about it. So they didn’t talk at all about it, and it was just an odd coincidence? He knows now that Steve didn’t have to tell Bucky it was his birthday, because the man remembered from that very first visit, and that still makes Sam a little breathless, to be honest.

But this prompts him to voice his thought stream out loud, “Steve?”

“Hm?”

Their arms brush as they walk, comfortingly close, but still… too far away. Perfect distance for friends, he thinks. But… his heart is obviously telling him otherwise. He can almost feel it getting ready for another marathon.

“The cake you got me,” Sam hopes he isn’t stumbling over his words, recalling Sarah’s reassuring statement within his mind.  You’re worth that risk , “Did you and Bucky plan it together?”

He didn’t have much of an idea on how to ask otherwise, but he regrets the question when the blond’s face screws up in confusion. “What do you mean?”

His suspicion was correct, it seems. Coincidence. “Uhm, well… I mean, why didn’t you guys just get me one cake together? I love them both, don’t get me wrong, two cakes is  way more than I could ask for in our situation-”

“Buck got you cake, too?”

Steve looks rather shocked. He isn’t frowning, per say, but his brows are furrowed as he tries to process the information, and he slows his pace down until he comes to a full stop, back near the ship. Oh god, did Sam just do something very stupid?

“He did,” he replies, smiling hesitantly still, and his friend automatically smiles back, which makes it easier for him to carry on, “I- sorry. I found it strange that you both got me one and thought you must’ve talked about it. But Bucky didn’t say anything about yours either, so I mean…”

Once again, Sam feels his words falter. He also definitely knows he’s blushing again, hard, cause the warmth is rushing through, but the nerves are getting to him, too.

“I’m glad he bought you one, too,” his best friend decides, his face so earnest and honest and kind, it makes him want to scream, “You deserve more than one. And so much more. I wish we could’ve celebrated properly. I know you want to go home, and I still want to meet your sister, you know.”

He sighs heavily, and Sam truly can’t hide his fondness.

“I think she’d love you,” he tells Steve, because he knows it’s true. Then, he’s unsure if he should continue the sentence. Sam’s thinking of Bucky and his stupidly perfect hair. Then he looks at Steve and his calloused hands, and the words hit him like a train before he can stop it coming out of his mouth, “Not as much as I do, maybe.”

There it is. There wasn’t really much denying, was there?

Sam can practically already feel his heart pounding against his ribcage, and the butterflies down in his gut are bashing in the rush of adrenaline and fluttering their wings way, way too fast for him to keep up.

His best friend kicks around a couple of pinecones on the ground before the statement hits him, then, he looks up again, wide-eyed and in an endearing state of total confusion.

“You… you love me?” Steve asks, bafflement evident in his tone.

Sam bites his lip. “Can I ask you something? Will you be honest with me?”

His friend nods immediately, confusion vanishing for a moment, “Always, Sam.”

He needs to take another deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“Do you… do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people- or, more than one person? At the same time?”

To Sam’s greatest surprise both yesterday and today, the man in front of him takes barely a second to respond, no time to think it through, no signs of doubt, “Of course. I love Bucky, but I loved Peggy, too. I love Sharon. And I love you.”

Steve seems incredibly shocked at his own confession, just as much as Sam’s himself. Those butterflies must be on a fucking rollercoaster or something, at this point. 

Strangely, this lifts the nerves within him so easily, just like yesterday. His breath still feels stuck in his throat, but holy shit, he just can’t stop himself from smiling. His cheeks must be burning hot.

The blond looks a bit confused again as Sam chuckles at himself. He has no idea what he’s doing right now, but the direction it’s going- once again, it just seems right. Feels right. He wants to reach out for his best friend’s hand, but waits, “I’m glad I’m not the only one. I just realised- well, I think I might’ve been in love with both of you for a while, but not realised it until yesterday. You and Bucky.”

Steve’s eyes are shimmering with hope, and so he decides to hell with it, he takes his friend’s hand. And to his precious luck, the blond squeezes his hand back, thumb tracing slow circles in his palm.

“You’re serious?” the blond asks, laughing in disbelief.

“I am.”

“ Holy shit. ”

Sam matches his friend’s laugh, and the forest almost bends to their conversation, wind softening and the trees surrounding them like a cocoon, almost. Reminds him of those fairytales his little sister loved so much, that she insisted on him reading for her because he liked making weird voices and changing the tale, much to her annoyance.

The silence between them is the most lovely thing, just like the one between him and Bucky yesterday, full of expectation but zero tension.

Steve clears his throat, “Sammy, I- sorry, you're just the best person I know, this is too good to be true. I didn’t know if you felt the same… I’m not good at that. Uhm, hinting. Or flirting, I guess. I don’t know what to say.”

His best friend is blushing as much as himself. Naturally, there’s only one thing Sam can think about, “Then come here and kiss me.”

The blond doesn’t need to be told twice, and he loves him even more for it. And Steve’s lips are softer than Bucky’s, but that’s in no way… better, or, like. It’s different. But it’s the same fireworks popping up in the dark under his eyelids again, and that’s a sign.

He’s in love with his two best friends. And they love Sam back. And his racing heart hums softly, like it’s breathing out as much as he is, a calm from all the way back home settling upon him. His friend hums against his lips and moves his hand to the hair at the nape of his neck, gently pulling. It gives him a sort of tingling feeling in all his limbs, to be honest.

They do have to pull apart when the sound of twigs crackling on the ground is heard, they have to stay alert, after all, even it could very well be another squirrel. Instead, it’s Bucky, carrying a book under his arm.

He’s giving them that sly smile again, “You’ve gotten smoother than the old days, Rogers.”

Steve blushes profusely. Sam finds himself laughing again, his nerves long gone, and touches his cheek. His friend clears his throat a little more, “You got the same idea as me, Buck. With the cake.”

The brunette joins them in the clearing, lifting a brow in question, “You mean  my  idea?”

“Shut up!”

“No, no, you learned from me punk, I’m proud of you,” Bucky laughs, and Steve’s about to slap his arm, if their friend didn’t grab the blond’s hand mid-air, “You’re an asshole.”

Bucky looks at Sam in question, and he answers, “He’s not completely wrong.”

His friend shrugs. “You both love me, though.”

“I do,” he nods, and Steve chimes in with, “Sadly, yes.”

Of course, their companion grins like an idiot, “Now we got that settled, will you kiss me again, Sammy?”

Sam is so fucking lovestruck right now, he’s not scared to admit it. Steve’s hand is still on his neck and Bucky’s taking his hand, and it’s nothing less than perfect. Just like a happily ever after, although he has no idea where they’re going after this, but it only matters to him that they’re together, really. He thinks Sarah will love both of them. He hopes they’ll meet someday, at least. And AJ and Cass, they’d be thrilled, oh my god.

The blond interrupts as Sam’s already leaning in, “Hey! I want a second kiss too!”

He rolls his eyes fondly, “Of course, Stevie.”

Well, it’s almost perfect, until a fourth voice makes them all jump, “You lovebirds need a minute before we take off?”

Nat’s smirking, Steve looks embarrassed and Sam laughs, his air mixed with his two companions and the butterflies’ flutter making him warm and tingly, still. Bucky flips her off. Guess some things never change.

[sketch--booked]

It's 6am, I just woke up from another dream--

--about Echo returning.

And it's another island adventure dream but FAR MORE OOOHHH OKAY THAN OWWIE OH NO. It had the same energy as Nya trying to figure out who Samurai X was. And Echo was not a villain this time.

Actually the dream had the S14 guy as the villain, the one with the mask, spoilers.

It started with a fight between masked man, who's name I neglect to remember, and the ninja. They barely even get a chance to fight him before someone in a hodded cape swoops in and kicks him clean off his thone/podeum. They guy lands poorly and his leg gets messed up but continues fighting while the ninja just s t a r e at them.

The ninja only make a real reaction when they see the mystery man use the element of wind, and they're all utterly bewildered.

The mystery man can't hold them all off and is knocked far into the forest, presumably dead considering how far he went, and the rest of the ninja are separated into groups (Kai and Cole, Nya and Zane, Jay and Lloyd with Wu and Misako).

It followed Kai and Cole mostly, just discussing the possibility of two elemental masters of wind (they recalled Krux and Acronix) and that this guy could be dangerous. While they're talking, they bump into the motionless body of that cloaked person and Kai literally nearly pukes. Cole manages to get close to the guy and with prompting from Kai, pulls back the hood to see, not a man, but a nindroid! And a nindroid that looked eerily like Zane.

.

That's when it cut to Lloyd and Jay, they're talking with Wu and Misako about the mystery man, and this is where Wu info dumps that, after an elemental master passes without any heirs, the elements will take an unknown amount of time to present itself in a new host. It depends on that persons destiny and whether or not they're fit to use it and yada yada.

Lloyd understands that this would mean morro would no longer be the elemental master of wind, since after the DotD, he legit died and is gone for good. Which resulted in the element passing on. Wu comments that this is the fastest he'd seen an element passing on and presenting itself, and says that whoever this person is, must have been picked for a very good reason.

Jay then starts making a ridiculous list of people that he thinks could be the new master of wind, despite Wu telling him the probability of Jay knowing this master, is near impossible (Jay gets a kick outta this r e a l soon).

.

Then we hop back to Cole and Kai, who are freaking out over the rusty version of their friend who somehow has elemental powers too??

Kai says they should leave him here, saying it could be an evil nindroid, since they were also based off of Zane's prints. Cole argues and says they should take him back for questioning, and that Cole would be very happy to carry him.

While they're arguing, the fake Zane starts to wake up, and in a comedic way, screams at Cole and Kai, who in turn also start screaming. The mystery nindroid awkwardly chuckles and remarks that this was not particularly how he wanted to introduce himself, but anything works...

Kai and Cole begin questioning him and he answers their questions, starting with his name, telling them his name was Zane, but upon seeing their reactions, he says they can call him Echo.

Echo tells them they need to get into shelter, since at night, the island becomes unbearable and deadly. Kai and Cole reluctantly follow, continuing to ask questions while the three of them walk away, Echo limping from his earlier fight.

.

"Why are you on a random island?" Kai asked

"My raft washed up in a lightning storm." Echo replied.

"So did Julien build you too?" Cole continued.

"Yes, I would reluctantly say he is, in essence, my Father"

"Reluctantly?"

Echo did not answer.

Cole broke the silence "Where did you come from?"

"There is a lighthouse, in the-"

"-middle of the ocean between ninjago and the dark islands. You were there?" Kai interrupts.

"You know of the lighthouse? You were there?" Echo wondered "How come you did not know of my presence?"

"Your father never said anything, neither did Zane." Cole answered his question, giving the earth ninja even more of his own.

"Oh, no. My brother would not know of me, I was built in the lighthouse, not--wherever he was built" Echo confirmed "How did you get past the leviathan?"

"Zane swam to the chains and broke them with those star thingys" kai shivered, recalling those star shaped demons--

"Oh, you mean the Starteeth!" Echo begins laughing lightly "You know, one time, a bunch of them washed up and ate through the window in the basement. The basement was flodded and made me all rusty. I couldn't move for a week!" He walked slightly ahead while laughing hard.

He suddenly stopped laughing and looked serious "Looking back on it now, it was probably not funny."

Kai and Cole shared a look before Cole jumped up, realising something, and whispered close to Kai.

"Hold on a second, we completely forgot about his powers!"

"Oohhh, you're right! Hold on, I'll ask 'em."

Cole was going to pull him back to explain how shouldn't just--ask--but Kai had already begun running to catch up.

"So how did you end up an elemental master?"

"An ele-mento-who-what?" Echo fumbled his words.

"An elemental master? Y'know, with the crazy wind powers."

Cole was ready to punch Kai out, the man couldn't be subtle to save his life, which it just might right now.

"Oh! Honestly, Red, I have no idea." Echo had called Kai, Red, as the other two masters had not given their names. "I just remember the lighthouse getting nearly blown into the sea after weeks of strong winds. I had not realised the strong winds were the cause of my emotions. It was--new and scary. Gizmo was there to help me."

"The little cleaning robot? You brought that little guy with you too?" Cole caught up with Kai and the second wind master.

"Of course, he is my only friend! I would not abandon him the way I was. That is too cruel of a punishment for any being, organic or metallic." Echo yelled, a breeze shook the trees. Cole stayed quiet, but silently apologised to the nindroid.

Their questions were ended as they came across a half-cave-half-hut-like shelter. Where the settled and only prayed for their respective brothers.

.

There was a lot more small talk in the dream but I cut it down to the funnier and more important parts.

The next bits of the dream is fuzzy, but I know it revolves around the ninja reuniting and accepting the mystery person into their group while they defeat the evil and escape the island.

Kai and Cole agree to Echo's pleas to not tell Zane for the time being, as he doesn't want Zane to see his brother for the first time looking like--how he looks.

Each of them get some interactions with Echo, with his identity hidden, remaining mute as to not throw them off with his voice. He even has an interaction with Zane where Zane politely asks Echo not to keep staring at him, as he's been doing that since they came together. Zane pegs his curiosity to "he's never seen a nindroid before" and Echo confirms that for him. (unknowing the truuuuth aaaaa)

I'll write Jay's interaction with Echo another time maybe, and how he figures it out, since hoooo boy it hurt. Echo didn't remember Skybound so Jay's just mentally torturing himself for the rest of the journey.

The ninja that find out its Echo is Nya, Jay, Cole and Kai.

.

I'm gonna jump to the end, because my dream also jumped to the end? Rip. But the end what what gave me the Nya and new Samurai X vibes, but less fighting and more chill chat.

.

.

He was on a real boat. Not a makeshift raft constructed out of his father's old bed, table, chairs and shelves, not pushed forward by his newly explained "elemental powers". A real boat, one that would take him away from tiny islands that kept him prisoner, away from the existential dread of loneliness. He'd be free. Free from fearing his last day would be solitary and sad. In one day alone, he'd made a literal boat load of friends. They wouldn't abandon him, not as his father once did.

He was happy, he felt really, truly happy. But he didn't smile. Yes he had friends, but what he wanted more than anything else, was his brother. He was right here on the boat, but Echo's own worries about how his brother would perceive him, how his brother would react to seeing him in such a state (Upon first meeting too! Talk about first impressions), persuaded him to otherwise say nothing.

Deep down, Echo knew he had nothing to fear, he'd heard stories from his father, before he'd locked him away, about Zane and about what it was like--just the two of them. Happy. And from what Echo had seen, Zane was more that strong. Not just physically, nindroid and all, but mentally and emotionally. Echo only wished he had that confidence, the ability to say nothing but be so loud at the same time.

It would make talking to him a lot easier, if he had to say so himself.

Echo, however, had his thoughts interrupted by the sound of footsteps he hadn't even registered, and a soft, yet firm, hand on his shoulder. He tensed just slightly, preparing himself to pull his hood down further.

"It's nice, is it not?" That voice, it was Echo's voice. No, Echo had his voice. His brother was standing right next to him. So close and yet so far, just one swipe of his hood would bring them together, finally. But he resigned himself to simply nod in response. He hadn't come this far to give up now.

A comfortable silence covered the two like a thin layer of snow, fitting considering who was standing next to him. It would almost make him laugh.

"You fought well, out there," Zane started, Echo had thought he was done and nodded again, a small smile forming on his face. Zane may not have known who he was complimenting, but Echo took every moment of it with pride. But then his world span at Zane's continuation.

"For a nindroid."

Zane looked down with a small smirk. Like he'd told the best joke in history. Echo tightened his grip on the wooden railing of the bounty, crushing the paint under his permanently short nails. Zane must've noticed, but didn't say anything. Either in respect for his privacy or because he wanted to hear the confession himself.

In Echo's mind, he was obviously panicking. He didn't want his brother, someone who he'd heard stories from his father, the bot he was built off of, his singular role-model, to find out who he was, like this?

Despite the fear in his ticking heart, he did something probably really stupid and something that would likely result in his downfall. He thanked him.

"Thank you... How- how did you know?" Though, he lowered the pitch oh his voice. It would not be difficult for Zane, or anyone really, to rase the pitch and find out who he was, it still calmed him down just a bit.

"A nindroid knows a nindroid. A brother knows a brother."

Oh I'm f*ucked...

There was only panic, in his systems. The ticking of his clockwork had never sounded louder in his ears. It'd drowned out the sounds of water, the automatic breathing he for some reason had, the cracking of wood underneath his palms was the only sign that ticking was not the lone sound in the world.

He fell out of his anxious trance when the hand left his shoulder and those footsteps came back. No. They were moving away. Echo looked back, moving his fingers to clutch his hood tight against the unintentional winds that now followed him and his emotions. He could see Zane walking towards the steps of the bounty, but halted at the top of them, his hand instead lazily laying on the banister.

"Don't worry, I won't tell them-" He called, just loud enough for Echo to hear over the breeze.

-about what? That he knows who I am? That he'd practically lied to them? That he knew everything all along, because of course he knew, this was Zane, how could he not know, he-

"-Cryptor."

Echo ceased all thoughts from his head. Cryptor? What was that? Was that some kind of fruit? Or a vegetable?

Echo turned his body in the direction of his brother to ask him or at least say goodbye, but he was gone. He'd walked off and down the stairs. Leaving behind not so much as a sheet of frost.

The clockwork child stayed standing there, pure surprise, fear, relief, confusion--actually a lof of emotions he didn't know how to process--flooding his brain. If it weren't for the distant voice of Nya yelling about the sudden gusts of wind changing their direction, he would likely not have moved from that position until they landed.

Cryptor. He thought, it must be a nickname. There was no way he couldn't have figured out Echo was his sibling. He'd said, "a brother knows a brother", they didn't have any other siblings. Right? No. It was just them, just the two of them. The only two nindroids in Ninjago.

His father had said so himself. Although, his father had also buried him under scrap metal and kept him hidden from his family.

Anything could be truth now.

Although Zane had left, and there was no one to hear him, he still felt it necessary to acknowledge what happened. Quietly and sadly, he spoke with a smile.

"Good guess, brother."

.

.

.

.

SO Uhh I'm gonna assume this was because i watched DotD last night,,, and so both Cryptor, and Morro were on my brain hense wind and Cryptor calling Zane "brother", but I always have Echo on the brain man,,, so uhh. Echo for the new master of wind? Anyone? I think it's cute,,,

I probably missed something, other than writing Jay and Echo's interaction, Jay was so sad throughout the rest of the dream, man. And Echo didn't even know why, it was heartbreaking---but it was also a dream and like all my dreams, they never get made into real things.

But I did like the Zane and Echo bit at the end though. There was a second ending, but it relied on the reveal of echo to the audience at the e n d of the dream. Zane still says Cryptor and Echo turns with the camera getting close to him. And as he turns his head to the camera, you see its Echo and then he says "good guess, brother" BUT NGL I THINK IT HURS MORE WHEN WE KNOW FROM THE BEGINNING SOOO.

My dreams are whack dudes,,,

Also this took nearly 3 hours to write its actually 8:50 now Soooo ilya

[imma-fucking-nerd]

Promise Me

(Connor x Suicidal!Reader)

⚠️TW: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Drug/Alcohol Use, Mentions of Self Harm, Suicide Attempt⚠️

A/N: So as you can tell from the tw this one is going to be very dark and may be triggering for some readers. If you're going through a rough time and don't think you can handle reading depictions of these kinds of things PLEASE skip this one. I only feel comfortable writing about it because I've been living with depression and suicidal thoughts for a very long time, and writing comfort fics with my favourite fictional characters helps. Sorry for the long A/N I just want to make things clear and give a good warning.

————————————————

Your alarm clock blaring by you ears woke you up from your only escape from your reality, signalling it was 6am. Groaning, you lazily slapped the alarm off but made no attempt to get up. You knew you had work today but you just couldn't get yourself to stop staring up at the ceiling and into nothingness. What if you just didn't go in? Would anyone even notice? Would anyone even care?

No. No one cares. You're worthless.

And there it was. The voice in your head that sounded like your own yet betrayed you at every opportunity. Yet even so you couldn't help but believe it. After all, it was your thought wasn't it?

That's how it had always been.

Horrible words blending into your thoughts so seamlessly you managed to convince yourself they were normal. But no normal mind tried to tear itself down every time it was silent. That was the demon known as depression.

You've lived with this demon for as long as you've know. It was your normal. But recently it had been more and more frequent with it's hurtful words that spread through your mind like a deadly virus. The past couple of weeks had been especially difficult.

You tried everything you could to shift your mind to something else, anything else. You smoked pot, cigarettes, drank, you even slipped back into an especially dangerous copping mechanism. But none of those seemed to be enough. Every time they would come back. Your voice would spew venom at yourself in your own mind.

The only times you've managed to have any moment of peace was when you were asleep, or when you were with your only two friends. Hank, and Connor. You loved Hank, but it was Connors presence that really made you feel good. A feeling you longed to feel again every time he left. Was it just a silly crush? Or were you madly in love with him? Did it matter?

He would never love you back anyway.

Of all the thoughts that one might have hurt the most, because you knew it was actually true. He couldn't love you. He was, as he put it, 'a machine, designed to accomplish a task.' Therefore, it was a hopeless battle to think anything could come of it. Yet you still had hope. Maybe because you needed to have it to survive. Because if you didn't have that little hope, you might as well been dead.

It wasn't like you didn't have your reasons to hope, or maybe you really were that desperate. Connor was always so sweet to you, but then again e was sweet to everyone. Except Gavin. He would always get you a cup of hot chocolate in the mornings because you don't like coffee. Connor definitely didn't do that for anyone else. He does get Hank coffee in the mornings too. Then there was the fact you were one of the two people he talked to the most, aside from his detective work. Maybe he just pities you because he knows how fragile you are.

So, as you laid there staring up at the cieling, you decided to test that hope once and for all. See if there was anything to be hopeful about at all, or if he really was a machine who wouldn't love you the same way you loved him. You decided you weren't going to go to work that day, and you weren't going to call in either. If anyone were worried about you, if anyone even cared about you at all, they would check up on you, right?

Not if they don't even notice in the first place.

Hour after hour went by. No calls. At first you figured that it was still early and they probably just thought you were late. But you were never late, why would they think that? Aren't they worried? Not if they never cared to begin with.

At around 9am you couldn't take the overthinking anymore and just went back to sleep. You couldn't think if you weren't conscious. A little secret you learned in the game that is living. Sleeping was the best way to just escape. Especially if you were dreaming. That was the best part. Mostly because your dreams were the only place you could feel Connors arms around you, and his lips on yours.

When you woke up again it was 5 o'clock in the evening. However you didn't accomplish an impressive 8 hours of sleep uninterrupted. No, during that time you woke up just for a minute or two before going back to sleep at least a dozen times. That's usually how you slept most days. It almost felt weird when you sleep a long duration uninterrupted.

Glancing over at your phone, your heart dropped when you saw 0 notifications. Well, not including ones you got from youtube. You turned your phone off and tossed it onto a pile of clothes in the corner of your room.

Maybe they were just having a busy day and didn't notice you weren't there.

There was no way Connor wouldn't notice. He notices everything.

What you didn't know was that Connor was in fact not aware you weren't at the prescinct, but that was because he wasn't at the prescinct either. Connor and Hank had been called in to do a high stakes stakeout to bust a person who had been stealing and selling Cyberlife memorabilia illegally. They had to leave at around 4 am, way before you had to be at work. The entire time Connor was disappointed he'd have to break his streak of greeting one of his favourite people every day.

Truth was, Connor had grown quite attached to you. Despite the fact that he wasn't technically supposed to have any favorites. You were just so different from anyone else he had met. You were the first, and maybe only, human that actually referred to him as a friend. Or even treated him with a shred of decency in general. It made him feel....nice. You made him feel.

So, when the duo arrived at the office finally at around 4pm he noticed the lack of your presence immediately. He asked around the prescinct if anyone had seen you today and all of them, well the ones that actually talked to him, said they hadn't. He even went so far as to ask Fowler if you had called in only to be met with the same answer. Now he knew that was odd, that something was wrong.

He tried to call you when he was finished Hanks reports for him so the poor man could take a nap but you didn't answer your phone. Now he felt worried. A fact that only worried him more. However before he had the chance to go to your place to see if you were alright, he and Hank were needed to defuse a hostage situation at 6 pm. Of course, he immediately made his new mission his top priority, but every so often you would slip back into his mind.

It was currently 9 and you had managed to drag yourself from your bed to take care of your business in the bathroom a couple times since you had woken up. Everytime avoiding looking at your pathetic self in the mirror. But you would always go crawling back to the comfort of your bed. You didn't even leave your room yet. Not even to get anything to eat. It's not like you didn't want to, but whenever you thought about eating that damned voice in your head always ruined your appetite. So you just kept your eyes glued to your laptop as you laid buried under your blankets. YouTube was always a good distraction. That was until now.

Now that you glanced at the clock you were reminded of the fact that the work day had been over for you hours ago. The fact that no one seemed to care that you weren't there. You didn't even want to look at your phone. You already knew there weren't any missed calls or texts from anyone. No one cared enough.

If only you had actually looked, you would have seen how wrong you were. How wrong it was.

It was at 11pm when it was all just too much for you. Youtube wasn't doing its job in distracting you anymore and the thoughts just kept getting more and more persistent. The worst part was, you didn't even have the energy to fight them anymore. At this point, to you, they all just seemed to be facts. Like you were trying to get yourself to see the truth.

You weren't wanted.

You weren't needed.

You weren't missed.

You should just die.

You believed them.

Closing your laptop, you sat up in bed, letting your legs dangle off the side of the mattress. You looked down at your feet blankly. You couldn't even bring yourself to cry, you just felt numb as you prepared yourself for what you were about to do. Slowly, you got up and went to your bathroom. Once you were inside you made sure to avoid your own ruthless stare in the mirror.

You walked over to the bathtub and turned the nob of the faucet before sticking in the drain plug, not particularly caring about the temperature of the water. You weren't going to be using it for long anyways. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub you rolled up the sleeves of your hoodie and looked over your arms as you waited for the tub to fill. They were littered with many scars of many different ages. The oldest being more than a decade old, and the newest being only a mere few hours. You grabbed the razor from the sink and turned it over in your fingers. These next couple ones would be more permanent.

knock

knock

knock

The sound at your door didn't seem to reach your ears and were only met by silence. This caused Connor's LED to flicker into a pale yellow. Why weren't you answering? Were you harmed? The android tried knocking again, even calling out your name, but was met with nothing once more. He was just about to go and bust down your window like he had once done to Hank when said older man stopped him.

"Don't you even think about it," he said, pointing an accusatory finger at the android.

"But Lieutenant, (Y/n) might be-" Connor argued but was cut off when Hank held up the finger that was once pointing at him to signify 'one moment'.

Hank then bent down, with a little bit of a groan, before lifting up the corner of your welcome mat and plucking up a spare key. Once Hank stood back up with a huff, he shooed Connor away from the door before unlocking and opening it. Connor wasted no time cutting Hank off from the entrance and stepping inside.

Immediately upon entering Connor noted the complete darkness, but that didn't really matter much to him. Through the darkness he knew you weren't in the livingroom or kitchen, a fact made clearer when Hank flicked on the lights. However Connor also noted that there seemed to be no traces of a break-in or a struggle at all. At least not the definition of a struggle he was familiar with.

"(Y/n)?" he called out.

Silence

Connor moved through your home to where he assumed your bedroom. This was the first time he had entered your humble abode and under different circumstances he would've taken more time to investigate the surroundings. Get to know you a bit better. But right now that could wait until he was sure you were okay. He didn't know why it even seemed to be a priority but he couldn't just ignore it any longer.

Your room was just as dark as the rest of the house and also completely lacked your form. The only thing illuminating the room was the light coming from the bathroom which had it's door wide open. Before Hank could stop and scold him about the importance of privacy, Connor made a beeline towards the bathroom.

The sight that he had walked into made his LED flash a dangerous red and eyes widen. You were laying in your bathtub. Fully clothed. Water tinted pink. Your dangerously pale face. However it wasn't those small details that caused the android to suddenly rush over to your side. It was the two long gashes on both of your wrists. Upon scanning you he found that you had lost a lot of blood, but you were still alive. Barely, but he could work with that.

"Connor what the fuck are you- Jesus christ," Hank cut himself off once he saw for himself what was going on.

"Call an ambulance Lieutenant. (Y/n), (Y/n) can you hear me?" Connor managed to keep his voice calm and steady, a feat that took more effort than he would have liked.

The sound of Connor's voice, and feeling you body shift as he gently lifted you out of the cold water made your eyes gently flutter open. Your dulling (e/c) met with his worry written coffee brown ones.

"Connor...?" you called out weakly.

Despite the fact your vision was blurred from a mix of blood loss and building tears, you could recognize his form immediately. What you weren't sure of however was that if it was just a trick of the mond or not. A sense of comfort in your dying seconds.

"Yes (Y/n), it's me. I'm here, you're going to be okay," he said in the most reassuring tone he could muster.

As he spoke he took off his jacket and gently tied it around your left arm while doing the same with a towel for your right. Guilt and regret ate at you from the inside as you silently watched him, his LED still very red and blinking every so often. Hell you could even see the worry on his perfect features. Before you knew it tears started brimming your eyes before large droplets rolled down your pale cheeks.

"I-I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice cracking as your fragile body wracked with soft sobs.

Connor froze when he heard your little voice but it didn't take him another moment to hold you close to his chest.

"It's- It's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay (Y/n), I promise," Connors words were soft and confident, you almost believed him.

You heard what you thought was Hank's voice speak but you couldn't quite register what he said. It was becoming harder and harder to keep your eyes open. As if your eyelids suddenly weighed a million pounds. You shifted further into Connor and you barely heard him speak but the whole world seemed to be fading. Soon enough you closed your eyes and couldn't seem to open them again.

At least, not for several hours. When you did eventually flutter your eyes open again you were mixed with confusion, and then relief. You knew by the pristine white of everything, along with the abundance of machines you were hooked up to that you were in a hospital. As the memories of the previous night came flooding back your eyes dropped down to your newly bandaged arms, and an IV transferring blood into your system. Like last night, a deep sense of guilt, regret, and shame squeezed at your heart.

When your eyes wandered to your left you flinched slightly when you saw Connor standing next to the bed. His eyes were closed and his LED was gently flickering amber, you assumed he was in sleep mode. However as you jolted slightly at his presence, the sudden movement was enough to alert him back awake. His eyes fluttered open and were now on you, seemingly softening a tad the moment he registered it was you. Your eyes only met for a second before you shifted your gaze down to your hands. The guilt and shame made your eyes sting as tears threatened to form in full.

"How are you feeling, (Y/n)?" Connor asked, breaking the silence.

There was a certain sincerity you've never heard from him when he spoke. It made you heart clench but you weren't sure if it was in a good or bad way.

"I'm okay," you said, your voice hoarse and barely audible.

"Good, I'm glad," he replied.

There was another long silence between you two. The only thing keeping the room from being dead silent being the steady beeping and whirring of various machines. This time it was you who spoke up first.

"I'm s-sorry," you croaked.

Your voice was somehow quieter than before and it cracked near the end as your throat tightened up. You were trying desperately to hold back the tears but to no avail. Large teardrops fell from your eyes and rolled down your cheeks.

"I'm so so sorry," you continued, your body being wracked with heavy sobs.

Connor just stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do for a brief moment. His LED went from blue, to golden, and flickered a dangerous red before settling back to golden. Suddenly, he reached out to grasp your hand. His grip was firm yet gentle, and it captured your attention immediately.

Honestly, he didn't know why he did it. But the sight of your fragile and vulnerable form made his biocomonants feel like they were being crushed. Much like how he felt when he first saw you last night. Except it wasn't nearly as bad. Last bight he felt like someone ripped out his therium pump altogether.

That alone made him confused as to why he felt anything to begin with. It was a question he had been asking himself for a while. At least almost as long as he'd met you. He'd run a million diagnostics on himself and they'd always come back with everything working smoothly. Even after last night. It baffled him.

However at this moment, when you looked up at him with your big, glossy (e/c) eyes, he ceased to think about it. All that mattered right now was you. That was all the information he needed.

"You don't need to be sorry," he said softly.

You intertwined your fingers with his and practically held onto him for dear life. Connor noted how your stress levels seemed to go down at his touch, so he decided to take a seat next to you at the edge of the bed. Once you realized what he was doing you scoot over slightly to make more room.

"Everything is alright, just take deep breaths. Can you do that for me?" he asked soothingly, tilting his head ever so slightly.

You nodded and closed your eyes, focusing on nothing but taking deep breaths. Well, that wasn't the only thing you were focused on. You were also focused on Connors fingers that were laced with yours. It really did help. After what felt like hours, your breath seemed to finally stabilize, and so did Connor's LED, settling on a calm blue.

"May I ask you something (Y/n)?" Connor inquired, a question you heard him ask often.

You opened your eyes and looked up to him. You didn't respond right away, knowing exactly what it was he was going to ask, and you dreaded having to answer it. But eventually, after a few moments of him patiently watching you with those warm chocolate eyes, you slowly nodded.

"Why did you do it?"

His voice was softer than ever, and confusion was written all over your face as he tried to understand. You had to look away from him before you broke down again. A soft sight escaped you and he gave your hand a little reassuring squeeze. You knew you had to tell him, so you took a deep breath before speaking.

"I.... I felt worthless. Like nobody cared if I was gone," you spoke slowly, avoiding Connor's eyes at all cost.

"I stayed home today to see if anyone would care if I wasn't there. No one called. I thought that meant I was right. That I didn't mean anything to anyone. That I was a waste of space. That I should just.....just die," you continued, surprised at yourself at how you were able to keep it together.

Connor listened, his LED whirring golden as he processed the information. He then waited for a moment or two before responding. Wanting to be absolutely sure you were finished before he spoke.

"I assure you that I was aware you were missing as soon as I returned to the prescinct. I regret that I wasn't able to bring you your morning hot chocolate," Connor smiled slightly as he spoke, but it soon dropped along with his gaze before he continued.

"But what I regret more was that I wasn't fast enough to stop you. I'm sorry (Y/n)," the sorrow he held in his voice, and the flucking of his now amber LED made you squeeze his hand reassuringly.

"Connor, if it weren't for you I'd be dead. You saved me. You have nothing to be sorry for," you offered him a weak smile once his eyes returned to you.

Connor returned the smile. It was awkward but it wasn't forced, and it was adorable. His LED returned to sky blue, his chocolatey brown hues glancing down at your intertwined fingers. He gently stroked your knuckles with his thumb, the small action making heat rise up into your cheeks. For the first time since you had been awake, there was a comfortable silence for a few moments before Connor spoke up.

"(Y/n), can you promise me something?" his eyes flicked up to meet yours as he spoke.

"What is it?" you replied, subconsciously tilting your own head.

A habit you picked up from the adorable android.

"Promise me you won't try to take your life again?"

"I promise. But can you promise me something?" you implored.

"As long as it's within my capabilities, I'll try," he said sincerely.

"Promise me you won't forget about me."

"I think I can manage that," he said with a little playful smile before adding,

"I promise."

———————————————

A/N: OOF sorry if the end was kinda ass. And also sorry its so mf long. ALSO sorry its kinda dark. Hope y'all enjoyed anywayss 💙

[my-arlington-academia]

Cliffany part 2

O-kay, and that’s it! I don’t know if I’ll write a continuation tbh since it was just a silly little idea that came out of nowhere. (Although I did have some ideas for more!) I haven’t really been active on my fanblog lately so it’s not like it’ll make much of a difference though haha. By the way, I’m thinking about making my blog more "Dulcet-oriented" rather than just SE. I hope you guys don’t mind? Recently, I’ve been getting more and more into Black Tarot! So expect my blog to change a lil 🔮🕯🌌

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It had been a couple of days now since Tiffany’s last interaction with Claire, and while she was still ignoring her like before, Tiffany’s efforts in doing so had increased. The moment she spotted her in the corner of her eye, she would move at a faster pace, as if running away. Was it guilt after all? No, she just didn’t have the energy to deal with Claire’s annoying and unnecessary empathy. The empathy that she knew she didn’t deserve which made her feel even more frustrated towards Claire.

All she should be worried about right now is getting more followers on Instaglam, not avoiding a nobody like the plague. On that note, spring was coming soon, the flowers started to blossom and the days were getting longer which meant... that the "cottagecore" tag on insta would go trending soon, no doubt! And of course, living on the Arlington campus as one of its students, this gave Tiffany the access to its beautiful garden. Although honestly, she only ever went there to take pictures and this time wasn’t any different. She had prepared some tea sets and dresses for the occasion, all of which she would throw away once spring went away along with its "trends."

Carried by her confident footsteps, she walked to the garden. That confidence was only a facade though. She knew exactly what kind of people and who in particular went to take strolls quite often in this goddamn garden. But hey, it was 7pm and the sun would soon start to set. Knowing that Claire always arrives 15 minutes in advance to any meeting and most likely always wakes up at 6am, there was nothing to be worried about. Chances are, she was either doing her homework before going to bed like a goody-two-shoes or watering her weird-ass plants. Tiffany always had the horror of seeing these at Raquel’s parties. It just didn’t fit at all with the rest of what was going on in the room and ruined the whole "party" vibe.

In any case, there she was, searching for a good spot to take pictures and set up a fake picnic. That basket filled with different colored blankets, tea sets, biscuits, tea and a pie was way heavier than Tiffany had initially thought. Maybe she really should’ve asked for collab pictures with Trisha from the fine arts department. She didn’t really like her but when it came to follower count they were surprisingly close, although Tiffany was still number one of course. Still, if she had asked for a collab they could’ve carried those heavy props together.

After finding a good spot next to the pond, Tiffany set everything up in an aesthetically pleasing manner and got down to taking the pictures. She was taking different shots to post them one by one throughout the week and give out the illusion that she was taking those the same day she posted them. She was ready to upload the first one, call it a day and go back to the dorms without touching any of the tea or cakes. It’s all just useless calories anyways. As she was putting the tags on the picture, she started wondering what were the names of those flowers in the background.

"Ugh, fuck. What are those orange shits called again?"

"Marigolds."

"Ah right, thank y-"

Tiffany immediately snapped her head back. This annoyingly gentle voice could only belong to one person.

"...What the fuck, Claire. Where did you pop out from?!"

There’s no was she was there the whole time, right? It’s true that Tiffany could get lost in what she was doing once she was focused but it wasn’t to the point where she became completely unaware of her surroundings.

"I came by a few minutes ago... Y-you looked so invested in what you were doing that I didn’t want to bother you! I didn’t mean to pry."

Well, Tiffany could always upload those damn pictures from her room. Claire’s arrival just meant that it was time for her to leave. However, seeing that Tiffany started packing up her things, Claire panicked thinking that it’s her fault. Which was in fact, her fault... in a way.

"O-oh! You’re not going to finish your picnic? I’m so sorry, I’ll just leave! Throwing all of this good food away would be such a waste-"

"Are you fucking dumb?"

Did she not get that this was all only a set-up for taking pictures? It was obvious that Tiffany didn’t have any intention of eating or drinking any of that. Not to mention that after everything that happened the other day, she was still not scared of approaching her?

"I don’t give a damn about the food, it was just for my social media accounts you dumb bit- ... dimwit. I was already done anyway so you don’t have anything to do with the fact that I’m leaving."

"I see! T-then maybe I can help?!"

Help? What did Claire even know about- Actually, on second thought. This whole "cottagecore" shtick was a great fit for Claire. She probably already had all of the things Tiffany bought last week for those pictures, even better and more authentic-looking ones probably. This was maybe the one and only time Tiffany would let Claire "help" her. But from her point of view, she was mostly just using her.

"Hm. Is that so? How can you help me then... Claire."

"Wait just a second! I’ll be back right away!!!"

She ran immediately towards the dorms. Well, she'll probably bring a bunch of random stuff. In the end, Tiffany was really torn between the idea of staying and waiting for who knows how long and the idea of leaving right now. Surely, Claire would make a hilarious expression when she’d realize that she was played with and abandoned. While trying to laugh it off, Tiffany accidentally remembered what happened a few days ago, along with Claire’s crying face. Damn... Okay, fine. She’ll wait for her but only because it would be annoying if she bawled again like a damn toddler.

And so she waited until, from the corner of her eyes, she saw a girl with a pink dress running towards her. That girl, of course, being Claire. She carried a picnic basket with her too, but much bigger and more practical. For half a second, Tiffany thought that Claire actually looked maybe, just maybe, a little bit pretty. She erased the thought in a hurry, covering it with harsh words as usual.

"Wh-why did you change your clothes? You think I’m gonna take pictures of you?"

"Ah, no, well..."

Claire looked at the beautiful picnic set-up and the cyan dress Tiffany was wearing.

"I just wanted to fit in with the rest of what you put up, I guess. Also, don’t you think that we kinda match? I brought some of the cookies I baked and my favorite teas and tea set. I think mine will look better with your picnic blanket! Uh- N-not to say that yours looks bad!!!"

She was trying so hard to make herself likable that it was painful to see... and kinda cute. God, Tiffany was really hating her thoughts today. She was just going soft because of Claire’s aura or something. Again, this was definitely the first and last time she was letting Claire help her with anything. I’d be bad if she turns completely brain-dead and clueless like her.

"...Whatever. Show me what you got. I’ll decide if it’s good enough."

Claire was pulling everything out of the basket one by one. Everytime, better and better items were pulled out after the other. Her cakes and cookies gave off a "homey" feeling which was more fitting with the aesthetic rather than Tiffany’s store bought patisseries. Claire was staring at her, wide-eyed and excited.

"W-what do you think, Tiffany? It looks good, doesn’t it?!"

"Uh. Yeah, it’s fine, I guess. I’ll take a few pics."

That was a lie. This looked so much better than the try-hard bullshit Tiffany had done. She was good at riding on the "trend wave" but Claire was a natural when it came to this one specific thing. Tiffany was trying to look as poker-faced as she could so as to not show her satisfaction, but clearly, her apparent enthusiasm for each shot was  betraying her. Sometimes, she would accidentally take one with Claire in the shot and ask her to move.

"Hey. You’re ruining the picture with your ugly fac- dress. Move to the right."

Before Tiffany could even do anything about it, Claire was already pouring some tea into 2 cups.

"Woah woah woah, put the teapot down. I didn’t agree to this."

"But...This is a kettle, Tiffany. Not a teapot."

"Oh, shut it!"

Claire gave off such a dejected face that Tiffany, once again, felt like she was kicking a poor puppy to the ground. She held back on going off on a rant.

"But we’re already here and the weather is so nice! It would be such a shame not to use any of this at all..."

Claire looked around, observing this beautiful setting, not to mention, the sun was finally starting to set. Going home right now would be like an insult to the utter beauty of this scene, it almost looked like it came right out of a fairy tale picture book. Without mulling it over any further, Tiffany took a sip out of her cup.

"I’m only doing this because I feel compelled to, got it?"

Claire’s eyes lit up nonetheless.

"Alright! Please try out my cookies too!"

Tiffany contemplated them for a second... is it true that home-made stuff is more healthy? Surely, that’s just a myth, right? A cake from the store and a home-made cake will have about the same amount of sugar in them regardless of who made them and how. Well, she did see Claire share her food from time to time with her friends and while she would never admit it, it is true that she was a bit curious about trying them herself. What was the last time she had eaten anything "home-made"? Or did it ever even happen?

"...Okay, whatever. I bet they taste shitty."

Tiffany reluctantly took a bite... It was surprisingly really delicious!

"It’s bad."

"R-really?"

As much as she wanted to lie about it, she couldn’t after seeing Claire make that dejected face again.

"Uhhh. No, um. Hmm... On second thought, it’s pretty average. It’s okay-ish."

Tiffany really hated herself right now. Being mean has never been this hard before. She couldn’t wait for the moment where they would be done with this ridiculous play-pretend and go back to her room. She tried drinking and eating as fast as she could without making it look like she was in a hurry to run away from this awkward situation. And God, it was so fucking hard...

Unsurprisingly, they were both pretty silent the whole time. Well, it wasn’t like they had anything to converse about or things in common. Right as Tiffany was about to get up and pack up her belongings, for real this time, Claire spoke up. Nervously fiddling with the hem of her dress.

"Um. So you know, I have something to confess to you, Tiffany."

Oh God, not now. As much as Tiffany found this timing annoying, she couldn’t help but poke fun at that poor choice of words.

"Confess? Oh my, so you like me in that way, huh? That explains everything."

"Wha- N-no! That’s not it! I mean, realistically speaking, t-that would never even happen!"

Was she implying that she could never like someone like Tiffany? Well, Tiffany herself was the one who brought this up but she was a bit offended at that statement. Regardless though, the way she was trying to deny it so hard was kinda cute. No. Not cute at all! If this went on, Tiffany would really become crazy before the end of this day.

"Last time, you said that I was only being kind towards others to profit off of them and I didn’t say anything but... that wasn’t true at all! I always wanted to help you because I thought that you needed it, I swear. Not to satisfy myself! ... Well. Except maybe..."

"Except...?"

"T-today. I admit that I kind of had ulterior motives."

Now that piqued Tiffany’s curiousness right away. Suddenly, she didn’t want to leave as much anymore if it meant that Claire would finally admit that she did some things for her own benefit. Why was it? Did she want to post a picture of herself on Tiffany’s Instaglam to fish for compliments, knowing that she had a lot of followers? Claire hid her face behind her hands and muttered a few words.

"I... wanted you to warm up to me."

"...Huh?"

That’s it? That was it? Claire’s ulterior motive was for Tiffany to "warm up to her."?

"So like, you want us to be friends or some shit?"

"Oh no! Not necessarily that far, just... good acquaintances!"

Is she stupid? There’s no way that she genuinely thinks those "motives" are bad. Tiffany sighed in exasperation.

"Listen. I’m just really tired right now, I don’t have the energy to assimilate all the shit you’re saying. I’m packing all of this up and going back to the dorms."

In complete silence, they gathered all of their belongings and walked to the dorms while keeping a fair distance between the 2 of them. As if to say, "we’ve got nothing to do with each other." Surprisingly, Claire didn’t try anything anymore. Didn’t even wish for a "good night" or a "good evening" which was weird to say the least. Tiffany tried to ignore it and when she got back and unpacked all of the props, she noticed something that didn’t belong to her. One of Claire’s lunch boxes with cookies in them and... a note?

Here’s my number just in case ;3 Please give me my lunchbox back once you’re done eating the cookies!♡

"...Your note makes me wanna barf."

So that’s why she didn’t try anything. That sneaky little... she must've slid that into the basket when they were packing. She already knew that Tiffany would eventually be forced to talk to her again... as if! Who says she’ll return it? She can just throw all the cookies away along with the box... Or so she thought. Tempted, she took a bite, then another one. And another one. Her diet was ruined for sure now. Damn you Claire and your stupidly great cooking skills, as if you needed another skill to be better and more perfect than you already are. Tiffany put the box away, trying to forget the delicious taste and smell. Back to Instaglam she goes. Uploading the picture while adding the "marigold" tag on it. Going through the pictures again, she noticed that some of them had Claire in the corner. She was thinking of deleting them but... well whatever. She can just crop her out later if needed. Her dress looks pretty so it’s fine even if she does appear in the pictures. All we see is a bit of her hair, as long as her face isn’t visible, it’s okay. Yup. It was totally not because Tiffany was slowly starting to feel something towards the girl she was trying so hard not to get involved with.

[a-pretty-nerd]

Run (Jasper Jordan x Reader College!Au)

Request: “Hoi I wanna request a story sadly I don’t have Patreon though so u prob won’t make it hehe. It’s a Jasper Jordan x reader fan fic also I would love if it a High school/college Au and the readers parents don’t approve Jasper so she has to sneak out every time she wants to meet him but soon she finds out she’s pregnant so she runs away with him? Also your work is amazing!” ~ @deadqueeen 

A/N: I was just about to say, “I’ve never done a college au before, uwu!” but I forgot about that entire self indulgent smut I wrote…big Oof. Anyways, love this idea, I love some good ol’ fashioned angst. Just a warning though, I did end up leaning heavily into the relationship reader has with their parents so just be prepared for some upsetting interactions. 

If you like my work, don’t be afraid to interact! Gimme a like, comment, message, send a request my way if you like! And if you’d like to support me further, go ahead and check out my Patreon!  I’d love to see you there!

Trigger Warnings: Mild Smut, Parental abuse, petting crime, and Pregnancy. 

College was stressful as it is, but as the months passed, things were getting harder and harder to manage. Come your freshman year, a little thing called Covid-19 hit the world, sending it into a whirlwind of stress and unease.You sat in the shower, letting the warm water fall over your aching body as you stared blankly at your knees. After your panic attack you were left void of emotion and thought, sitting there wondering what to do and how to move. The water was a calming reminder that you were still present and very much alive.

Things had changed very quickly and yet it felt like that change took forever to get to you. Covid hit right before the end of your freshman year, forcing you to move back in with your parents until it “passed.” But it wasn’t passing and now you were starting your sophomore year at home.As stressful as it was, you missed school. You missed your friends, your dorm room, even your part-time job. But most of all, your freedom. You missed the carefree way in which you lived in the dorms. You had a taste or real life and you craved more.

You were trapped, for lack of a better word, imprisoned in your childhood home. You spent days without leaving the confines of it’s walls in a failed attempt to keep you safe and focused on school. Your parents weren’t always so strict, but they made it clear that school should be your top priority and anything else was an unwelcome distraction. Things like your boyfriend, were merely a hindrance to your education.You met Jasper your first day in the dorms. He was bright and smiling like an excited puppy, eager and willing to make new friends and new experiences. You quickly became friends, and then a little more. Before you knew it, the two of you were inseparable. He made you feel so wild and free. He nurtured the fun, carefree side of you that you didn’t even know existed. He cared for you in ways no one ever had before. He was so funny and kind and genuine. He gave you the tools to grow, and with his, you bloomed.

When the pandemic hit, it devastated the two of you. Being isolated and kept from one another proved too much to bare. You remember the first night you snuck out with him, terrified of alerting your parents. They hated Jasper, they forbade you from seeing him. Told you he’d do nothing but keep you down and stifle your potential. If only they could see how happy he made you. If only, they cared.Jasper would creep around to your backyard and gently tap at your bedroom window. 12 am, they’d always be asleep, the perfect time to make a quick get away and then 6am, you’d sneak back through your window.

The adrenaline of misbehaving always drove you crazy. Sneaking around in the dark of the night, stealing chased kisses from one another until it was too much to handle. You fell into each other’s arms almost every night, desperate kisses and moans in between the sound of skin slapping against skin. He made your hair curl.You were his first. He was awkward and silly at times but you whipped him into shape real quick. And now, he was a well trained boy toy ready and willing at any moment you desired. He was always so desperate for you, so needy and greedy for your body. But his kisses, no matter how passionate and crazed, were always so loving. He adored you in every way.

These secret rendezvous went on for months, all summer, it was routine, you couldn’t stay away from him. But, maybe you should have. With more classes fast approaching, you began to think about your future. If only you had the money to move out, you and Jasper could finally have a sense of normalcy. You could move in together, start a life together. But the pandemic and school sucked your savings dry and without the conditioned help from your parents, you were penniless. You finally stood on your shaky legs and lifted yourself out of the show. You dried yourself off, shuffled over to your room, dressing yourself, and waiting till the coast was clear. When all was quiet, you texted Jasper and soon he was at your window. Lucky for you, he wasn’t a far drive away. He gently tapped on the glass and leaned down to flash a big goofy grin from behind your curtains. You opened the window and let him in, shushing him as he fell into the room.

“Hey sweetness.” He whispered, loudly. He planted a soft kiss on your cheek as he held you by your hips.“Please be quiet, you’re making me nervous.” You hushed. His smile disappeared slowly as he examined your face. Your red eyes and puffy cheeks gave away your emotions. He was never good at reading a room, but there was little you could hide from him. He made you transparent.

“Have you been crying?” Worry washed over him as he placed his hands to hold your head and slide his thumbs over the soft skin on your cheeks. You tried to avoid his gaze but failed miserably.“Yeah…” You admitted, wiggling out of his grasp so you could sit on the edge of your bed. Your heart started to race, the anxiety and fear wrenching its was through your body. Even the thoughts made you want to cry again.

“Whats wrong? Did something happen with your parents?” You’d been having fights with them for some time now, and he knew it was taking a tole on you. Jasper offered to being you home to his folks, but his relationship with them was on the rocks as it was. Your small group of close friends were your only support. All things considered, the two of you were left on your own. “No…” You muttered, unable to bring yourself to say it out loud. The tears quickly came back up and started falling again. Your emotions, your fears, your pain took over you. You couldn’t get out a single word before your body jerked uncontrollably as you sobbed. It left a slew of incomplete words spewing from your mouth. “I-I….I-I I’m ….. Mmmm …. I’m …..” gasp, sob “Mmmmmha….” and the sobbing continued.

“Hey…Hey…It’s okay.” He cooed softly to you as he rubbed soft, slow circles on your back. It helped, but not much.“N-No…” you shook as you cried, “I’m-m-m-”

“It’s alright, take deep breaths, you don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.” He whispered to you. You clung to him desperately. It took time, but soon you felt good enough to speak again.“Jasper…”

“What sweetness?” He flashed you his kind and loving smile.“I’m pregnant.” You uttered softly. You watched the color drain from his face. His sweet smile faded away to a scowl and the fear rushed back to you. The sobbing started again as you chanted apology after apology, begging for him to stay with you. He didn’t move, he only held you where you were. Finally spoke.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. This isn’t your fault. We tried, we were safe, it’s not your fault. Shhhhh. It’s okay.” Suddenly a bright light interrupted him. Your bedroom door swing open to reveal the large, looming figure of your mother. “What the hell is going on here!” She screamed. You watched in horror as your mother wrenched Jasper from your arms and threw him out into the living room. You followed her, pleading and begging her to stop as she hurled whatever was in reach at him. Shoes, pillows, plates, before your father reached around his collar to throw him out of the house. 

The yelling and screaming continued through the night until the sun came up. Your father nailed your bedroom window shut. Your mother locked your door by pushing furniture in front of it to keep you inside. Your phone, your computer, every form of communication was taken from you. Every mistreatment and punishment being underlined by some iteration of, “this is for your own good” or “this is because we love you.” 

You felt stuck in an emotional limbo for days on end as they kept you prisoner. You didn’t have the energy to cry or argue, there was nothing you could do or say. You had sit and stay, like a good girl. 

One night you were woken by a soft tapping at your bedroom window. You jolted out of bed to see a pair of familiar eyes pear back. Monty stood on the other outside, a face mask and baseball cap hiding his features. He held up a notebook with writing on it and pressed it against the glass. 

“Are you okay?” It read. You rushed to find paper and write back. 

“I’m fine. Wheres Jasper?” 

“Your Dad threatened to shoot him if he saw him again. So he sent me.” He wrote back. 

“Is he okay?” 

“He’s fine. We’re busting you out of here.” 

“How? They’re getting security cameras installed tomorrow.” Monty looked visibly concerned and thought for a moment before responding. 

“Then we’ll have to do it tonight. Pack what you can. We’ll be back to get you in an hour.” 

“How are you going to get me out? The window is nailed shut, I can’t get out.” 

“Don’t worry. Just be prepare to run.” And with that, he left. You packed what you could. A few items of clothing, necessities, and water. You thought about leaving a note. Maybe telling your parents about your pregnancy, they had missed that part of your conversation, thank god. You decided against it, you still didn’t know what to do. Regardless, it was safe to say you could kiss your funding for school goodbye. You’d be on your own from now on. Well, not entirely. 

You heard shuffling outside your bedroom window and looked outside to see two dark figures racing past. You watched as Bellamy peered in, face also obscured by a mask, and waved at you. Jasper’s mask covered face popped into view and planted his palm on the window before holding up a notebook. 

“Get away from the window, and be prepared to run.” It read. As soon as you nodded in agreement, Jasper disappeared from view. You watched Bellamy swing his arms back with a crow bar in hand. The window shattered with a loud crash, glass flying all over your bedroom. He reached a hand out to you, his grasp firm as you clung to his forearm. You were pulled through to the outside and fell to the ground below. 

“Go, go, go, run!” Bellamy whispered, loudly. You looked up at your parent’s house as the sound of dogs barking rang in your ears. Lights flew on from the house as well as neighbor’s lights. You felt so stiff and ridged. The urge to run suppressed by your fear. Jasper reached down and took your hand in his. You looked up at him, his eyes wide with urgency. He tugged at your arm, begging you to get up and run with him. 

Suddenly, you felt free. You felt the strength to get up and push forward. Running with him to a car parked outside the house. The three of you bolted, tripping over yourselves as you raced against the clock. As soon as you were in the car, Octavia greeted you with a big toothy grin. 

“Drive! Drive!Drive!” Jasper shouted at her. Her smile disappeared as she looked back at Jasper with you before her attention went back to the car. The engined roared as she adjusted the gears and soon you were off. Still panting, you looked back at your childhood home and saw your parents tumble out of the front door to try and chase after the car. Your dad tried to chase after the car, but stopped when he realized it was no use. Their figures soon disappeared. 

Octavia cheered triumphantly as you turned back to catch your breath. A great big smile stretched across your face. You’d never felt so free before. You looked over to see Jasper still panting but sporting a bright smile as he looked at you. He reached a hand around the back of your head and pulled you in for a passionate kiss. You laughed and basked in the blissful feeling the adrenaline gave you. 

Soon the moment passed and you were left holding one another’s hand as Octavia drove you to Bellamy’s apartment. You stayed the night, planned your escape. Apparently Jasper’s parents didn’t know he was leaving either, meaning the two of you were officially on the run. You had to leave town, like, now. 

You pooled what money the two of you had, quick to take cash out of your account before your parents could freeze your debit card. Enough to get you out of town and settled in a hotel for a few nights, maybe even a few meals. But you couldn’t afford much without work after that. Lucky for the two of you, a friend from the dorms lived just a town over. You could stay with her a few days while you looked for work. 

“What are you going to do?” Bellamy asked with a dark expression as he stared at you. 

“What?” You were confused, hadn’t you just laid out your plan? 

“Jasper told me you were...you have another problem.” His eyes flashed between the two of you before resting on you again, he was careful to not say anything too pointed. 

“Oh...I...I don’t know.” You said under a whisper. Jasper rested a firm hand on your knee. 

“How long have you known?” Octavia asked. 

“Like a few days. Theres still time to think about it, I just...I just wanna get out right now.” Bellamy nodded his head. 

“If you guys need anything, don’t be afraid to call okay?” He handed you a prepaid phone. You thanked them for your help, packed up, and left the next night. You hid under masks and baseball hats as you sat at the bus station. The cool night air brushed against you skin as you admired the bright lights of the street lamps above. Jasper squeezed your hand in his to get your attention. You looked at one another and smiled under your mask. 

You’d never tell him this, but during the coarse of your relationship you had always worried about Jasper. Worried that maybe you weren’t as serious as you felt. Maybe you were just a little fun to him, the rush of a forbidden romance being what drove him to you. But now, with him so willing run. So willing to leave his comfortable life just for you. Regardless of the responsibilities that came with it. He chose you, without a second thought, he chose you. 

The dark street road was empty and serene. You watched as bats flew down to catch bugs that swarmed the lights above you. Despite your situation, you felt safe and warm there beside him. For the first time, you felt confident that everything is going to be okay. 

[willsimpforanyone]

this is like a really stupid idea but how would bucky react to see his + readers future child (but reader and him aren’t together)

definitely not a stupid idea hun! now, i think i’m gonna go with either loki or wanda, bc they can fuck with people’s heads... NO wait the reader can kinda see the future. okay i think i have an idea. we gon make bucky suffer for a hot second, but that’s okay (sorry, i like writing out my thought process)

tw: slight mention of violence

___________________

Sweat was dripping from his body. Glancing at the clock beside his bed, Bucky realised it was 6am. He’d gone to bed at 10pm. He’d spent 8 hours lying awake in bed. Ridiculous.

He knows it’s ridiculous, he should have gotten up, maybe tire himself out with some midnight training. He could have put some music on, hell he could have got himself a glass of warm milk, but he didn’t. Every time his eyes closed, screams and visions of blood and merciless gunshots would return, keeping him awake and tense. 

Shit, he thought he could deal with it. But with each memory that dragged itself back into his head, he couldn’t help but feeling like he deserved to suffer. What were sleepless nights, when there were people who were now asleep permanently? What was the point in trying to find ways to sleep when it would only bring the next day faster, bring closer the future he didn’t deserve. The future he wasn’t convinced he had.

He sat up, running his fingers through his hair. Shower, a shower would be a good idea, get the sweat off and hopefully the images out of his head. Soon enough, Bucky was under the water, running his hands over his face in a forlorn attempt to wash away the feeling of hopelessness that was nagging at his heart. 

Even being clean, dry, and in fresh clothes didn’t help, and a glance at the clock showed him that only half an hour had passed. Almost mechanically, Bucky found his way to the kitchen, with half an intent to get some food- cereal, maybe. Cooking was really not an option today. 

To his surprise, the scent of slightly burnt toast wafted its way from the kitchen. He must be really off today, he normally would have recognised instantly that someone else was up and about this early. To his surprise, he saw you, pyjama t-shirt and shorts, cursing quietly at your aforementioned burnt toast, blowing slightly on your fingers to ease the faint burn as you transferred the toast from the toaster to your plate. 

Bucky leant against the doorframe, unwilling to impose himself on what he presumed to be a relatively quiet and personal moment. He noticed perhaps the moment wasn’t as peaceful as he thought, as he saw you drop the butter knife and clutch your head, wincing. He coughed lightly, and you spun round to see the super soldier making his way to the centre island in the kitchen. You smiled at him, still with one hand to your head. 

Bucky’s voice was low, unwilling to break the gentle lull that happens when it’s early and hardly anyone is awake. “Are you okay? Did the knife hurt you?”

You shook your head, leaning down to where said knife had landed, a little way away on the floor. “No,” you said in an equally quiet tone. “Just... the future visions are scatter-y, nothing clear, it’s like getting ambushed with memories of useless nonsense I haven’t had yet.”

“Scatter-y?” Bucky chuckled, and you nodded sheepishly. You turned back around, wiping the knife on a kitchen towel before continuing to use it.

“Yeah, it’s like they can’t decide who’s future to show me or which part. Like, I know Tony is gonna lose a spanner, but I don’t know when or how relevant that is to... anything.” You sighed, and took a bite of toast, carrying your plate over to the island and sitting across from Bucky. 

He nodded, and covered up a yawn. Your brow furrowed, suddenly aware of how tired the soldier looked, the bags under his eyes purpleish. “How much sleep did you get last night?”

“...I didn’t.” Bucky decided that there was no point lying, he didn’t need to see the future like you to know that lying would do no good. “Couldn’t, even. Kept hearing... things...” He covered his ears and bowed his head. “So loud... so many lives... so many futures cut short...” 

You gently reached across the surface to place your hands on his, and he realised he’d been gripping his head tightly. Relaxing his hands, he let you pull them down and hold them. “I just... I took away so many people’s futures, I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t get one,” he whispered, just loud enough for you to hear him. 

He felt your grip tighten, and looked up. You were looking deeply at him, and in his fragile state he almost felt intimidated. “Bucky,” you squeezed his hands again. “You do deserve a future. You were under someone else’s fucked up control, that was barely you. You have a future, Buck. I promise.”

Eyes lighting up, Bucky squeezed your hands back. “Hey, would it help if you had a future to focus on?”

You straightened up, and considered. “Maybe?”

“Could you... if you’re up for it- could you look into my future? Just a few years?”

You carefully made your way over to him round the island, already concentrating on him. You held out your hands, and he placed his in yours, surrendering his mind to you. 

There was a build up in your head, a pressure that wasn’t exactly pleasant, but if it would help Bucky, you were prepared to deal with it. 

All of a sudden, the pressure released. A white haze fogged your eyes, and you knew the same was happening to Bucky. It felt like static, like gentle pins and needles, and it took a second for the colours swirling in the haze to solidify into a scene.

You knew instantly that you’d overshot Bucky’s request of ‘a few years’ by... a few years. There was Bucky, looking about ten years older. And another figure, significantly smaller, running around the room they were in. A living room? There was certainly a sofa, and a couple armchairs. You felt Bucky’s shock at realising that oh shit, that was a child. That was... Bucky’s child. You knew it, you felt it, and Bucky felt it through you. 

You couldn’t get any clear sounds, just garbled nonsense and something that might have been laughter. Future Bucky grabbed the- five, six?- year old child and lifted them into the air, resting them on his hip.

There was a third figure coming into view, carrying... clothes? You focused on this new figure, and as they became more solid, you realised with surprise that the mysterious figure was you. You were in Bucky’s future.

You felt Present Bucky’s hands shaking, gripping yours as you allowed him some control over what to focus on. Immediately, he focused on Future You’s hands, specifically the left hand. Even more specifically, the ring finger, which had a shiny ring on it, a small diamond with amethyst set either side. He switched to Future Bucky’s hand, where a similar ring sat. You felt a jolt of emotion as you and Bucky realised, at the same time, that you were married. 

That would mean...

You gently took back the reins from Bucky, and panned over to the child still in Bucky’s arms. They looked alarmingly like a combination of you two, and to your surprise, you felt a huge wave of affection coming from Present Bucky. The vision began to fade, and a wave of dizziness swept over you. Bucky caught you just as you were about to fall, steadying you on the stool you were on.

“Thanks...” you murmured, touching your head. The pressure was gone, and after a few minutes of recovery, you were fairly sure you’d be fine. Bucky hadn’t said anything, just stared at you in wonder. You flushed as you met his eyes, deep and intense. His hands were still holding yours.

“Well... that was interesting.”

_________________

if that was ANYTHING like you had in mind, i’ll be amazed. i tend to get sidetracked from the actual request... thank you so much for requesting, let me know what you think? i’m sorry idk how to end fics 😞it’s late and i should be in bed why do i do this to myself <3

[writingkeepsmewhole]

Promise

This is part 16 of Betrayal. It’s kinda all over the place but I had fun writing this part. This is fic 17 of my 365 fic challange. I know its very late but family crap kept me from posting. I’ll catch up before the end of the year.

Fic Summary: Scarlet and Dean go visit Rebecca.

Dean Winchester x OC Scarlet

Warnings: Mentions of previous smut, cheating, langue, Rehab I think that’s it.

Taglist Would love to add you:  @thewinchesterchronicles @amandamaesweetheart @scarlettreneem @deans-baby-momma

Part 1  Part 15

I wake up to an alarm going off the blaring beeping filling my brain. I sit up straight my eyes flying open as I try to pinpoint the sound of the noise.

I realize that it's coming from Dean’s phone on the nightstand. I was in his bed alone. I roll over on my stomach and grab his phone turning it off and then dropping my face in the pillow as I realize it’s 6AM I've only been sleep for about five hours.

“I’m sorry I forgot to turn it off.” Dean says coming threw the bedroom door a tray of food in his hand.

“S’okay.” I say sitting up and yawning.

“I brought you some breakfast.” He says placing the tray on the bed in front of me.

It pancakes, bacon and orange juice.

“You made these?” I ask pulling the tray closer to me to steal a piece of bacon.

“Yeah I figured it's the least I could do after last night.” He says his ears turning pink.

“You didn’t do anything I didn’t like.” I say smiling at him.

“You haven’t seen yourself.” He says sitting next to me.

I shrug not caring about how I look.

“So how long did you sleep?”

“I got my four hours.”

“But I gotta head out Bobby will be pissed if I’m late.”

“I thought you were the boss?”

“You should tell him that.” He says kissing my head and standing up.

“Stay as long as you want to baby I’ll be back home at five.”

“Remember we gotta go see Becca at six.”

“I know.” He says throwing on his jacket.

“Have fun at work, don’t come back to dirty.”

“No promises.” He says winking at me then heading down stairs.

I blush my stomach fluttering with emotions.

“Your so screwed.” I say to myself knowing I was in way too deep with Dean to want to get out.

After breakfast I got dressed settling for a sweater and high waisted jeans. Seeing I was out of clean socks I stole a pair of Deans then pulled on my boots. 

Dean was right. I haven’t seen myself. I had hickeys all over my neck, shoulders and chest. That wasn’t the worst part there was a hand shaped bruise on my tight from Dean holding on to me.

But I didn’t mind it. It was in the moment and he didn’t hurt me. Sometimes we all had to blow off some steam.

After getting ready for the day I cleaned up my breakfast it leading to me cleaning up the kitchen and the living room.

I was almost finished with the bathroom when my phone rang.

“Hello hello?” I ask putting to my ear.

“Hey, where are you?” Ruby’s voice asks from the other end.

“Dean’s house.” I say honestly.

“Oh okay I was wondering why you never came home last night was getting worried.”

“Oh no need I’m safe. You know me fat and happy.”

“Your not fat.”

“Yeah I know.” 

“So what are you doing?”

“I’m cleaning, what about you?”

“Job hunting.”

“Job hunting?” I ask that reminding me that I needed to do that as well.

“Yeah the dinner closed today so I guess you're not the only jobless one.”

“Well that’s great what are we gonna do?”

“I don’t know any suggestions?” She asks as I walk into the kitchen to get something to drink.

“Become hookers.” I say to lighten the mood.

“Been there done that?”

“Wait really?”

“No! Oh my gosh Scarlet I’m not that bad.”

“I’m not judging.” I say laughing her joining me.

“So really what do we do?”

“Look for work and pray really hard we get something.”

“Okay I’ve been looking Sam said he would help us out if we needed it.”

“Yeah Dean’s offered that too.”

“And you didn’t take it?”

“I don’t want to make him take care of me he has enough going on.”

“Like what?”

“He’s wife is in rehab and the person he is sleeping with happens to be his wife’s sister.”

“Oh yeah I guess that can be a bit complicated.”

“Just a tad.”

“Sorry seeing you two at the party made me kinda forget about Rebcca being in the picture.”

“Oh she’s in it. I’m going to go see her today.”

“Is Dean going?”

“Yeah.” I say hearing a beeping in my ear.

I look at my phone to see it’s batter is low.

“Hey I’ll call you later I gotta charge my phone.”

“Okay hun love ya.”

“You too.” I say hanging up the phone.

I walk up stairs and plug my phone up in Dean’s room. I start to go back to cleaning but get distracted by the TV. Then I got sleepy so I decided to take a short nap. That’s where I was when Dean got home.

He woke me up by gently shaking me him stroking my face

“Your home.” I say smiling at him.

“I am.” He says join me in bed him wrapping his arm around me.

I turn over to face him the smell of oil filling my nose.

“What time do we need to be at the rehab center?” He asks looking down at me.

“Six.” I say yawning.

“We got an hour till we have to leave if you want to go back to sleep.”

I shake my head and lay it on his shoulder.

“Just let me wake up and I’ll make you some food then we can leave.”

“You don’t have to make me anything I’ll get something on the road.”

“But I want.”

“I know but we don’t have time.”

“Okay.” I say pulling away from him and sitting up.

Lifting my arms over my head I stretch. I jump when I feel his calloused fingers touch my neck.

“I did a number on you huh.”

“Stop thinking about it. I’m fine. You sound like one of those guys from some mushy teen rom com.” I say looking back at him.

He smiles his hand moving to my face. Sitting up he kisses me softly. It short and sweet.

“Sorry no more chick flick moments.”

“Thank you.” I say kissing his nose.

“Should we get ready to go?”

“Yeah” I say moving to get out of the bed. 

Once in the car we drive straight to where Rebecca is not wanting to be late. We get there just in time. We checked in then wait for the doctor to come out and get us.

I’m surprised when it’s someone who looks around the same age as Dean. He was young, dark hair bright blue eyes. Attractive.

“Hello, my name is Castiel I believe we spoke yesterday.” He says shaking our hands.

I expected someone older by how deep his voice was. 

“Yes, I’m Scarlet and this is Dean.”

“Your Rebecca’s husband?” He asks looking at Dean.

“Yeah.”

“Good, I’m sure she will be happy to see you both. This way please.” He says turning to walk down the hall not checking to see if we were following him.

Both me and Dean look at each other Dean raising an eyebrow as if to say is this for real. I shrug and follow behind the man in the lab coat.

We walk to the end of the hall it a door needing clearance. A guard sitting next to it at a desk.

“Please give over all cell phones, pocket knives, concealed weapons or anything else that could be dangerous to our patients.”

“You want me to take my shoe laces off too?” Dean asks earning an elbow to the ribs from me.

“Be nice.”

“What, he acts like we're the crazy ones.”

“Sir, none of our patients here are crazy. They are weak minded and in need of help if you do not believe in helping your wife then you can wait out in the lobby.” Castiel says his face set in stone.

“No, I’ll play nice I promise.”

“Thank you.”

After we remove our hazardous items, it being our phones and Dean’s pocket knife, they let us on the other side of the door.

“We will be talking in my office if that is alright for you two?”

“Fine by me.” Dean says his hand brushing mine.

I watch and feel him clench it them him crossing his arms. I feel a knot start to form in my stomach as I realize what he was trying to do. He wanted to take my hand but stopped himself from doing it.

I hated that. Hated that I did that to him. Made it so he had to hide his emotions. He wasn’t good at showing them. He only did it by actions never by words. He most likely felt nervous or angry being here and wanted support and he couldn’t even ask for it in the only way he knew how.

“Please wait here while I go and retrieve Rebecca.” Castiel says stopping in front of an open office door.

“Sure.” I say going inside and sitting down on the couch, Dean joining me.

I don’t pay attention to the doctor closing the door. When he dose I watch Dean take a breath.

“Hey.” I say poking his arm getting his attention.

He looks at me his deep green eyes meeting mine.

“Kiss me.” I say my stomaching flipping.

“What?” He asks taken back by the demand.

“Kiss me, I want you relaxed.”

He smirks his eyes jumping to the door then back to me. I blush realizing that we had an unknown amount of time before Rebecca got here. Maybe that's what had me feeling so warm.

Dean pulls me close to him his mouth meeting mine. I kiss him back placing my hand on his stubbled covered cheek.

His tongue traces my lip just for him to pull away from me.

“Finish this later?”

“Yes.” I agree with him, the thrill of the chance of being caught hotter than what I expected.

That feeling goes out the window when the door is opened Rebecca walking in.

“Your here!” She says grinning at us.

“Yeah.” I say standing up quickly, hoping she doesn't wonder why me and Dean were sitting so close our knees were touching. Or why my face was red, or why I glanced at Dean’s mouth to see if I left a lipstick stained just to remember that I forgot to put some on before I left.

“You both came.” She says pulling me into a hug.

I hug her back taking note that she seemed to feel fuller like she gained weight.

“How ya feeling Becca?” Dean asks behind me.

“Better.” She says looking at him.

“Yes Rebecca has been doing better.” Castiel says sitting in the chair across from the couch.

“Please sit down so we can begin.”

“Oh right.” She says moving to sit on the other side of Dean.

I sit down after him it butting him in the middle of us. I couldn’t help but think how fitting that was. He was split between us. As if to prove my point he placed his arm behind me his other hand falling to Rebecca’s knee.

I feel a wave of jealousy fill me at the sight.

‘He’s her husband!’ I yell at myself.

‘Yeah but she ain’t the one covered in his love bites or sleeping in his bed is she?’ The darker side of my brain says.

“So how can we help?” I ask before I can start arguing with myself.

“Regular visits.” Castiel says looking surprised by my question making me realize I most likely interrupted him. 

“Rebecca is- She needs her family’s support.”

“We’ve tried this already. Not to pop your bubble Doc but couples therapy doesn't work for us.” Dean says surprising me.

He didn’t sound angry more tired. I look at him realizing his hand was now back in his lap but his arm was still placed behind me.

“I’m not talking about couples therapy.”

“You tried therapy?” I ask this being news to me.

“When we first got married.” Rebecca answers.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t think it concerned you.”

“You told me you told her.” Dean says looking at her.

“Why does that matter now?”

“Because you lie all the time.”

“No I don’t.”

“Excuse me can we focus.” Castiel says pulling them away from starting a fight.

“We are here to talk about the problems at hand, not something that happened five years ago.”

“Three.” Dean says looking at Castiel.

He wrinkles up his brow and looks at the folder in his hand.

“Rebecca told me you got married five years ago.”

“We’ve only been together three.”

“No we haven’t it’s been five.”

“No, we've been married three years.” He says moving to place his forearms on his knees. 

“Scarlet tell him.” She says looking at me.

“He’s right.” I say biting my lip.

“Whatever.” She says sighing.

“Either way we are here to help her get better and stay better.”

“Good luck with that.” Dean says standing up.

“Sir, your wife needs your support.”

“She doesn't need shit from me. I’ll be in the car.” He says walking to leave the room.

“Dean.” I say making him stop.

“Stay it’s the least we could do.” I say hoping he gets my meaning.

Sighing he turns to face us.

“Fine, but I ain’t sitting back down.” He says moving to stand next to me.

“Very well. Shall we begin?”

“I thought we already have.”

“Rebecca would like to say a few things.” Castiel says holding his hand out as if to tell her go ahead.

She nods and turns to face us.

“I’m sorry.” She says looking between me and Dean.

“I’m sorry for being a bad wife and a bad sister. I want to tell you that I forgive you for not helping me when I needed it. Your my family and I love you. I hope that you can both stay here this time…. That’s all.” She says smiling.

“Are you serious?” I ask her her looking at me.

“Yes, I’m going to do better.”

“Well that’s great but you really think we put you in this mess?”

“We are not here to place blame.” The doctor says.

“I didn’t plan on it until she just told me she forgives me for not helping her. If I remember she's here because she attacked Dean.”

“No I’m here because you tricked me into signing my life away.” She says glaring at me.

“Because you were dangerous to everyone and yourself.”

“You weren't there that night.”

“I was, I got called to the police station because he lied and said Dean hit you.”

She clenched her jaw and looks at the floor.

“I don’t remember that.”

“Yeah I’m sure you don’t.” I say softly not fully believing her.

“I know Dean wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Damn straight.” He says next to me.

“I know you two are better off without me.” She says making my stomach knot up. That hitting a little close to home.

“But I’m gonna do better I promise this time.”

“You gotta prove that Becca.” Dean says.

“I know. I’m doing better just asks the doctors here.”

“We have seen improvements with her behavior.”

“See I’ll prove it. I don’t have to talk about me all the time. How have you two been?” She says hope filling her eyes as if that one question proved she was a whole new person.

“We’re fine.” Dean answers coldly.

“Okay umm tell me about your boyfriend.” She says looking at me.

“What?” I ask wondering where that came from.

“You are covered in hickys I’m not stupid.”

“Right.” I say blushing.

“So tell me about him is he nice.”

“Yeah, he’s amazing.” I say honestly. Feeling guilt starts to build up inside me.

“Is he cute?”

I nod my face red since she is asking me about her husband.

“How is he in bed?”

“Like I said amazing.” I say practically feeling Dean’s smirk behind me.

“Rebecca.” Casteil says after he clears his throat.

“Right, sorry. Will you let me meet him when I get out?”

“Yeah.” I say having no idea how to answer this question.

“Have you meet him?” She asks looking up at Dean.

“Yeah he’s awesome.” He says.

I bite my lip and looked up at him, seeing a huge grin on his face.

This was the most awkward moment I have ever had to experience it and I wanted it to be over.

My prayer was answered when a knock came threw the door.

It opened to show a read head nurse on the other side.

“Sorry to interrupt but it’s time for medication and dinner.” She says smiling at us.

“Very well we will  do this again soon.” Castiel says standing up.

“Can you excourt these two out I’ll get Rebecca back to her room.”

“Of course.” She says smiling and waving for us to follow her.

“Come with me.”

“Right behind you.” I say turning to face Rebecca.

“I love you.” I say hugging her.

“Yeah, see you later.” She says hugging me back.

I pull away from her and stand up walking over to the door.

She jumps up and hugs Dean him returning it but quickly pulling away from her. A feeling of sadness hit me since he hugged Sam longer than that. Was that because of what she has done to him or what me and him were doing?

“See ya Becca. Be good.” He says smiling at her then moving to join me.

I smile and wave at her as I walk out of the room.

Me and Dean don’t speak while we collect our things and head to the car.

I felt a whole mess or emotions but I didn’t know what Dean was feeling. I knew I could take a guess and after talking to him for a few days I could figure it out but I didn’t want to do that today.

Getting in the car I close the door Dean doing the same thing almost at the same time.

“So you think I’m amazing?” He asks looking over at me a smirk on his face.

“Really that’s what you got outta that?” I ask a smiling coming to my face.

“Duh my baby girl just called me amazing.” He says making both our faces heat up.

“Baby girl?” I ask before I can stop myself.

“Yeah, is that alright?” He asks trying to sound smooth but his eyes showed doubt in them.

“It’s perfect.”

“Good, now come here.” He says pulling me so I slid over to seat him.

I let out a giggle when he does, him kissing me. I kiss him back it not lasting long before his fingers find my sides him tickling me.

I jump away from him giggling as he easily traps me under him his fingers digging into me.

“Dean stop!” I say around my laughter.

“What’s in it for me?” He asks bending down to cover my face with kisses as he keeps tickling me.

I wiggle under him my face starting to hurt from smiling.

“Anything you want just stop…. I can’t breathe.” I say laughing.

“Anything?” He asks pausing over me.

“Yes anything.” I say panting hard.

“Promise me something.”

“Okay?” I say not expecting that answer.

“Promise me you’ll never get like that. Promise me you’ll come to me with whatever problem you have, that you won’t disappear on me.” He says softly. Him peeling back a layer of his armor letting me see the inside of him for just a second.

“I promise.” I say it being a promise I would never dream of braking.

[littlesliceofmarvel]

Faded Memories | Pt. 2

Request/Synopsis: Reader is dating Steve Rogers, and one day something goes wrong on a mission and Steve believes she died, but she was taken in by Hydra, wiped and experimented on. Eventually, Thor saves her and the two become close as he helps her remember her life, and Steve finds out she’s alive.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of death

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Thor x Reader

A/N: Yikes, so I am back from vacation folks! And back to posting! Woohoo! I missed you all, and I hope you’re ready for more writing! A small warning, the italics weren’t really working so part of the section that’s supposed to be in italics isn’t. Oh well. As always, gif isn’t mine and my inbox is always open! Much love, enjoy! xx

-

To say that Y/N was having a hard time coming to terms with being around the team was an understatement. They remembered everything about her, but she didn’t. She knew they pitied her, felt bad for her, and she couldn’t understand why she was cursed with this. She had been staying at the compound for three days alongside Thor, who was the only person she felt comfortable around.

She talked to the team a little bit more than when she had arrived, no longer feeling threatened by their presence. She was weirdly thankful that Bucky had been through the same experience, being able to listen to what he had to say about finding out who you used to be and how to handle having your identity stroller from you without you knowing. He told her that her fear and vulnerability was to be expected, that this was something that was going to take time, and she was grateful for him.

She didn’t trust Stark enough to use his technology, nor did she trust Wanda to dig through her mind, but she was finding herself more open to ideas than she would have been a few weeks ago. She wanted to know about her past, she wanted to understand why she felt a certain way about Steve, or why Bruce’s anger sent the team into a frenzy, or even why Natasha and Clint seemed to know so much about each other that they didn’t share with anyone. She was observant, maybe even more so than before, and she didn’t know why. All the little things that she knew she had known, she had lost in a second.

“Y/N, you know, staring out of windows at night usually means you’re contemplating something,” Thor placed a hand on the small of her back, installing himself next to her while she kept her gaze locked on the distant flickering lights of Manhattan.

“I’m not,” she shrugged, not facing him. Thor could tell her mind was swirling at a million miles an hour, endless ideas passing through that brain of hers. But, he knew she was closed off about her thoughts, and didn’t pester her about it, much to her gratitude

“You should really be sleeping,” he said with a small grin, eyes lingering over the small pout on Y/N’s face. Her eyes lacked their bright shine as she looked over the distance city.

She nodded, “I know. I just feel awful about everything.”

Thor nodded, turning to look over the city himself, “Wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head, giving him a forced smile, “No I’m going to go to bed.” He didn’t say anything else before she hopped off the window sill and made her way towards the room that was given to her. She was thankful for the Avengers’ hospitality, but she didn’t feel like she deserved it after what she put them through. She can’t imagine what they must be feeling, having their friend practically come back from the dead without a trace of memory.

Y/N opened the door to her room, shutting it and locking it behind her and making her way to the bathroom. She looked over herself in the mirror. Her hair lacked its usual bounce, the ends looking quite damaged. Scars lightly lined her jaw and down her neck. She ran her fingers over them, flashbacks of her time with Hydra running through her mind before she shook her head, not wanting to be thrown back there.

Within minutes, she was sound asleep on her mattress, dreams filled with screams and blood, the faceless bodies of the people she killed haunting her thoughts for the night.

The next morning, Y/N hopped out of bed at 5:30. It was programmed within her to wake up at the crack of dawn and prepare for the day. Hydra had programmed her like an alarm clock, making sure that there were no delays in their plans.

She sat up in bed and squinted her eyes to the doorway, a small slip of white paper underneath it. She got out of bed slowly, the cold air from her room coming as a bit of a shock, sending goosebumps to crawl up her skin. She picked up the small piece of paper and opened it up.

Out on a mission. Be back in two days. Make yourself at home. Stark, Barnes and Romanoff are still at the compound.

Thor

Y/N groaned, letting the small piece of paper flutter down on her mattress. The thought of having to go two days without Thor when she got here three days ago made her almost nauseous, not being totally comfortable around the rest of the team to spend two full days socializing with them just yet. She trusted Barnes, their shared experience being something she could base his character off of, but she had not gotten the chance to feel comfortable around Natasha and Stark just yet.

She threw on some clothes and made her way towards the kitchen, the sound of Tony on the phone leading the way there. When she walked in, he turned his attention to her and gave her a warm smile before turning back to his conversation.

She noticed a small plate with bacon, eggs, and fruits next to another piece of paper with her name on it.

Y/N,

Made you breakfast. Be back in 2 days.

Steve

She smiled, heart fluttering slightly. The past three days, Steve had been leaving her little things here and there. Food, books, things that would help jog her memory. She knew he was trying to help, and Steve wanted nothing more than to have her back in his arms and to protect her forever.

It killed him to see the way Thor’s presence brought her the most comfort, but he understood. When he found out Bucky was alive, he went through the same thing. If anything, he found it so much harder watching the love of his life go through the same thing.

Y/N folded the little note neatly and placed it in her pocket, starting to munch on the food placed in front of her. Tony had left the room, his conversation getting slightly heated, and considering it was nearly 6am, Bucky and Natasha were probably still sound asleep.

The breakfast filled her up, making her too full to really do anything afterwards, so she found herself walking towards the living room, a small book sitting on the coffee table, an early edition copy of The Hobbit. It was the one Steve gave her yesterday. She didn’t know why he gave her this particular book, but she didn’t question it.

She found herself occupied with the book for the next two hours, ears perking every time a noise was heard from somewhere down the hallway. Y/N didn’t want to admit it to anyone, fearing that Hydra was going to use this to their advantage, but she was becoming much calmer around people she didn’t know. She didn’t find herself freezing in her steps when a Shield agent would walk into the room, nor did she find herself aiming a gun to Tony’s face when he approached her anymore.

With a quiet tip-toe, she wandered over to the windows over looking the rest of the compound. Men and women running around outdoors with walkie-talkies and briefcases, making sure everything was where it was supposed to be to keep the Avengers running. The hustle and bustle down below calmed her down, making her feel like she was in the middle of a chaotic little family.

“Good morning,” a gruff voice startled Y/N, causing her to jump back slightly and hold her arms across her chest in defence.

“Bucky,” Y/N breathed out, relaxing when her eyes landed on the brunet, “You scared me.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, “Sorry, didn’t mean to.” He was up earlier than he had been in the past couple of days, but Y/N brushed it off as the fact that no one else was here so he was enjoying the silence of the compound. What she didn’t know was that Bucky had sworn to Steve that he was going to keep an eye on Y/N, make sure she was doing okay while he was gone.

Bucky silently made his way to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee while Y/N sat back down on the couch, continuing her book. Within another hour, Natasha and Tony had joined them in the kitchen, chatting away and watching the news to start their days.

The three of them went on doing what they usually did during the day - training, gathering intel, conducting experiments on suits and weapons - and Y/N wanted in on it. Thor would usually tell her to stay out of the lab, but curiosity and a feeling of almost rebelliousness got the best of her. Getting off the couch, she slowly made her way towards Stark’s lab. The sound of typing drew her attention to the corner of the room, where Tony padded away at a computer.

“Um, Tony?” Y/N’s quiet voice went unnoticed by him, so she tried again, louder, “Tony?”

Tony’s eyes snapped up from his screen and widened when he saw Y/N standing in the corner of his lab. 

“Hey,” he wasn’t really sure what to say to her, not used to her initiating conversation.

“Can I, uh, look around, or something?” Y/N seemed unsure of what she wanted to do, but with the tiny possibility of something in here helping her re-gain her memory in her mind, she was willing step out of her comfort zone. Tony nodded, not taking his eyes off of her as she walked around the room, captivated by the large holograms and the shiny equipment.

“You know-” Tony started, unsure of how she was going to react, “You used to help out in here a lot.”

Y/N took her attention away from a fascinating piece of technology and turned to Tony, an unreadable expression on her features, edging him to go on.

Tony stood up slowly, “Yeah, uh, you always had this fascination for technology, I’m not really sure where you got it from, but you did. You’d stay in here with Banner and I and pull all nighters sometimes.”

Y/N’s head was forcing itself to connect the dots, to dig through the deepest parts of her brain to find the memories that Tony was talking about, but she couldn’t.

“You don’t remember, huh?” Tony asked sadly, nodding his head and looking to the ground.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N replied, an overwhelming sense of guilt pouring through her body, “I want to. But I can’t.”

Before Tony could respond, Y/N ran out of the room, her entire body shaking with the thousands of emotions threatening to pour out of her. She couldn’t do this. Everyone else knew her, but she didn’t even know herself. With tears streaming down her face, she locked herself into her room, letting her body fall against the door. She didn’t understand why this was happening to her, what she deserved to have her memories wiped and be turned into a villain. The night that it happened, she had sacrificed herself to save the team, was that not a good deed? Why did she get punished? Why was turned into this broken, violent, dangerous person when all she had wanted was to save the people she used to call family?

She let the tears flow free, hugging her knees to her chest as the sobs wracked through her body, numbing her to the vicious thoughts swimming through her mind.

She sat there for what felt like hours before she used all the strength in her to lift herself off the ground and collapse in her bed, falling asleep within minutes.

-

For the remaining two days that the mission went on for, Y/N kept herself locked in her room, ignoring the knocks brought on by Tony, Bucky and even Natasha. They brought her food, tried to coax her into coming out of her hiding, and even tried to crack small jokes, but Y/N wasn’t having any of it. She went from being in fear of the team, to being completely guilt-ridden, and although the team was willing to slowly ease her into her life again, Y/N wanted nothing more than to be there already.

“Y/N?” Thor’s familiar voice knocked on her door on the third morning, snapping Y/N out of her day-dreams.

She walked towards the door slowly, “Thor, you’re back.”

She opened the door slowly, coming face to face with the god himself, who smelled like he hadn’t showered in months. She grimaced, leaning against the doorframe as he smiled down at her.

“Why’ve you been locked up in here?” He asked softly.

She sighed, “Thor - you don’t know what it’s like. They know me. I don’t even know me. It’s too much.” She was sick of the pitied looks and the hushed conversations when she walked in the room, she wanted things to be normal again.

He nodded understandingly, leading her into her room and closing the door behind him, “Listen, I know it’s tough, but can you accept help? Wanda’s offered to do it, you-”

“I can’t lay that burden on her,” Y/N snapped, looking away from Thor as she sat on the edge of her bed. Wanda had offered before, and had been turned down all three times. Y/N knew that it had helped Bucky clear his mind of his demons, but she didn’t feel confident enough to let someone lurk through her mind.

“It’s not a burden, Y/N, why would it be?” He hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder, but she didn’t tense up, too occupied with what Thor was telling her.

“I’ve done things, Thor,” she spoke quietly, “They made me do really, really bad things. I know these people were like my family and I don’t know if I’m ready for them to know what I’ve done.” 

He nodded, taking his hand away from her as he let her words sink in, but before any of them could speak again, another knock came from the door. Thor, noticing that Y/N made no effort to stand up, walked over and greeted Steve who stood on the other side.

“Rogers, um, can we talk?” Thor mumbled, hoping Y/N didn’t hear.

 “If you’re going to talk about me, do it with me in the room,” Y/N snapped, slightly fed up as she looked over to the two blond men standing in her doorway. 

Steve swallowed awkwardly, nodding and making his way in, “Y/N, how are you feeling?” 

She looked into his blue eyes, already feeling slightly calmer than before for some reason, “I’m - well, you know. How was the mission?” She diverted the subject, her attention now focused on Steve, Thor watching from the foot of the bed.

“Successful,” Steve nodded, smiling lightly, “We saved everyone. This one kid even came up to me afterwards and told me he has a poster of me in his room.” Y/N could feel herself smiling when Steve did, almost as if it were instinctive. She didn’t know why, but she let herself giggle slightly at his comment.

“That’s creepy,” Steve snapped his head up at her laughter, almost too shocked to respond, “How many people do you think have posters of you that you don’t know about?”

“Um-” Steve’s heart fluttered at her attempt at humour for the first time in a long time, “Well, I-” He wasn’t really sure what to reply, so he looked over to Thor before looking back at Y/N, “We thought up of a couple ways you could get your memory back.”

Y/N dropped her small smile, “Don’t say Wanda.”

“Y/N,” Steve sighed, approaching her slightly, and to his surprise, she didn’t back away, “She helped Bucky tremendously when he was going through the same thing.”

Y/N flopped herself down on the bed, “Steve, it’s more than just that - I don’t want her seeing what I’ve done-”

“We won’t discuss it, I promise,” Thor spoke up once again, slightly persistent. Y/N sighed, looking up at the ceiling and debating her options.

On one hand, Wanda could go through her mind and break down the barrier between the violent version of herself that Hydra made, and the one who called herself an Avenger. She could go back to normal, remember her relationships with everyone and connect back with her old life, which is what she wanted.

But, on the other hand, would these peoples still accept her? Would she still be able to call herself a hero once they found out what she had done? How she took the lives of people so easily, not even hesitating in the slightest? How she was willing to defend Hydra to no ends, allowing herself to be wiped and tortured to honour their name? Would they still want her?

She closed her eyes, processing this. On one way of seeing it, they had found out about Bucky’s past, that was way worse than hers, and let him stay here with them. They even let him become an Avenger. So, why should she be any different?

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

-

The entire team sat around Tony’s lab, watching with extreme intensity as Y/N was seated on a chair near the center of the room, Wanda running everything over with her one more time.

“Your head is going to want to force me out,” Wanda repeated, “Don’t let it. Let me move around, see everything, don’t kick me out.”

Y/N nodded, her fingers shaking as she tried to steady them by squeezing her hands together, “Okay. I won’t kick you out.”

The scarlet witch nodded, giving her a thumbs up. Y/N closed her eyes, letting her body relax in her chair before Wanda worked her magic. The team looked on anxiously as the red sparks from Wanda’s fingers started surrounding Y/N’s skull.

Y/N felt it - the immediate jolt of electricity going through her head, the feeling of something swimming around inside your brain. Everything inside of her was screaming to kick it out, to repel whatever ‘evil’ was searching her mind, but she forced it back. All she could see was glowing red light as she screwed her eyes shut, digging her nails into her thighs. It felt like it did when Hydra had brainwashed her, as if her thoughts were leaving her body and becoming someone else’s.

Steve slipped his hand onto her thigh and into hers, interlocking their fingers, his heart shattering at the distressed look on her face. She didn’t hesitate to squeeze his hand in discomfort, glad to be holding onto something that wasn’t her thigh.

Y/N let out a small groan as if something was pushing up against the back of her skull from the inside.

“Sorry,” Wanda mumbled, “My bad.” 

The red lights continued soaring around her brain, her memories. Wanda forced Y/N to see what she was seeing, making visions appear before Y/N’s closed eyes. 

A man. He was dead. Blood was oozing out of a wound on his forehead and another one on his left shoulder. A little girl came running up to him, crying, asking him to wake up. Y/N could see herself standing behind the little girl, a gun in her hand as she looked down at the dead man, no emotions in her eyes. She wanted to scream, to be heard, but all she could do was watch herself with anger, this memory almost clear as day as she remembered what Hydra made her do. As she watched herself retreat, a flash of red light came over her like a tidal wave, and the dead man and his daughter were gone.

Y/N felt like she was falling, and before she could try to slow herself down, she came to an abrupt stop in the middle of Tony’s lab. She could see herself, a couple years younger than she was now, standing in a lab coat, chatting away with Tony and Bruce about something she couldn’t hear. She wanted to approach them, to be a part of what was going on, to ask them where she was, but she was glued to the floor, watching herself converse and laugh with the two geniuses, looking at peace.

Once again, the flash of red light washed over and the vision faded, being replaced by one of herself sitting against the window of Stark tower with Steve, the two leaning into each other calmly, as if their comfort was found within each other. 

“I love you,” Steve mumbled, and Y/N watched as the vision of herself smiled up at him, repeating the words.

“Steve?” Y/N found herself mumbling, looking at the two of them as they shared a kiss, the sparkling lights of New York City blending into another wave of red light.

This time, they weren’t replaced by a calm vision. Y/N could see herself cornered in a cement room, inaudibly yelling at someone as her eyes fell upon a large bomb strapped to the back of the door. This was when she was believed to be dead. Y/N could see herself crying, huddling into the corner as far away from the door as she could get. She could feel herself calling out to herself, watching as her figure was overcome by a blast of white light, and before she knew it, another red wave came over her.

Y/N snapped up off of her chair, gasping as Wanda stumbled backwards, fingers losing their red spark as she leaned against the wall. Y/N let go of Steve’s hand, shoving herself against the back, ready to scream.

“Y/N?” Tony stood up, looking down at the girl in worry as Vision rushed to Wanda’s aid.

“What the fuck was that?” Y/N snapped, standing up herself.

“Memories,” Wanda sounded out of breath, “Those were some of your memories.”

Y/N was silent, the memories almost as clear as day now. She sat back down, not trusting how shaky her legs were as she turned to face Steve, not even sure what to tell him as she replayed the memory of the two of them telling each other they loved one another. It was as if he could tell what she was thinking and made it an effort to avoid all eye contact.

“Let’s do it again,” Y/N turned to Wanda with determination on her face, “I want to remember more.”

Wanda sighed, placing her hands on her hips, “It drains me, you know? I can only do it in small doses. Another day.”

Bucky spoke up, “Wanda’s right. Another day. You need to do it in small amounts, it’s overwhelming to get your memories back in one shot. It took almost a month of doing it every day for me.”

Sighing in defeat, Y/N closed her eyes once again, letting her emotions fill her mind as she looked over her memories once more, and that’s when it became clear as daylight.

She loved Steve.

[awkwardturtleaffairs16]

We Don’t Talk Together

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader/OC (Rey)

Genre/Warnings: idol verse  best friend taehyung, yoongibreakupfic, or were they even together?, unrealised and repressed feelings, lawyer OC, sad, slight fluff

Notes: I felt a bit awkward writing Y/N, so I gave her a name. And since Star Wars just came out, I am Reylo fangirling. She isn’t Rey per se tho! I also realised that Yoongi didn’t even show up in this chapter. lololol.

Taehyung was already preparing to go to bed after that exhausting day of training. Beep. Beep. An SMS. He stops drying his hair and grabs his phone from his bed.

 11:30PM Rey: “Taehyung ah, let’s grab some ramyeon tonight...?” He looks around the house, seemingly to check if the others were already sleeping. Only Jungkook was outside playing games on the couch.

 11:33PM V: “O.K. I’ll just get dressed xx”

 Taehyung checks his phone for the temperature tonight. Dang, -7 degrees, it was going to be freezing. He hurries to grab a down jacket from the closet beside the door and puts on his shoes. Checks his pocket, keys, phone, wallet. He grabs and door and waves to Jungkook, mumbling something about being back in 5 minutes.

 Does it really matter if it actually takes more than 5 minutes to boil ramyeon?

 ---

 She sat on the bench outside, near the river, a warm cup of noodles on hand, wind blowing on a december night. Kim Taehyung was sitting beside her, slurping Jjampong soundly. She took a tentative sip, and felt the spicy soup scorch her tongue.

 “Ahh.. This is the best way the best way to experience Seoul.” She says. Twinkling lights were appearing over the Han River. It was always slightly more magical during the December season.

 Taehyung laughs beside her and pauses to say, “You always say that, Noona.”

 With an irritated sigh, Rey tsks and murmurs, “Stop calling me Noona. I’ve already told you I’m not your Noona,.” Taehyung laughs, and continues demolishing his ramyeon. “How long are you staying in Seoul this time?” He asks.

 She pauses and seemingly ponders the thought. She hesitates before relenting, and says, “I don’t have a return ticket right now.”

 Taehyung stops to stare her. “......What? Are you serious?”

 She really got him shookt, if he stopped eating. She thinks that maybe she should explain, but at the same time, why? Did she really have to explain? She sighs. She takes her time chewing a mouthful of noodles before she looks at him and states frankly, “I’m tired of working. I need a vacation... a real vacation, Tae.”

 He stares at her for a second longer before he shrugs and slurps the last of his noodles. “I bet you’ll get bored and regret everything after a week.”

 She feels slightly affronted but just rolls her eyes. He doesn’t know how lawyering gets so tiresome. When she was taking the bar exams, the only thing she ever wanted was to be a damn lawyer. Now that she was and after 5 years of working 24/7, she can’t help but just wonder if it was worth it. How much time does she need before she realizes that maybe she wants to do something else.

 She catches his eye and he shrugs. “We’ll see, okay, stop trying to preempt my decisions.” Taehyung gives her a smile and asks, “Did you already have a place to stay?”

 “Yup. Don’t worry. I got those fancy Airbnb in Myeongdong. I think I live 15 minutes away from your dorm.”

 “That sounds expensive. Altho, I am looking forward to bothering you daily. I finally have someone to talk to.”

 Rey pauses. Her hand hovers on Taehyung’s shoulder before she decides to grab him to her side and give him a side hug.

 “You always have someone to talk to Tae.” She has a light fond smile playing on her lips, “...Soju?”

 “Damn, yes.”

 ---

 After 7 bottles of Soju in varying flavors of peach, plum, and grapefruit. The two friends were very very drunk. Stumbling thru the stairs of the Boy’s dorm, they manage to get to the front door, dropped the keys three times, before they successfully crashed on the couch.

 “God, Tae, Taegung, itz been a whileeeee since I got this drunk.”

 “Post debut drinks 2013, BBQ Grill in Gangnam. 13 Somaek’s + te-V-ila.” He raises his hand to correspondingly make a V sign above his right eye to emphasize the te-V-ila. It was probably the drinks, but they both burst out laughing. Teahyung slides a knowing grin to Rey. “Hey, I remember you were pretty busy that night.”

 Rey blushes a bright pink, atleast brighter than their current drunk flushes. “Shut up.” Despite the denial, she distinctly remembers cold wandering hands, hasty deliberate glances, shared cups, warm hugs outside the street. Also, unfounded attraction and excessive over analyzing of a certain person.

 V grabs his phone and pretends to ignore her, while humming. After a few seconds, she whips her head from his lap and harshly whispers, “Are. You. Singing. Drake????”

 Taehyung tries to keep a straight face but sings louder making suggestive eyebrows, “I got my eyes on you, you’re everything that I see...”

 Rey pinches his side and he grimaces before tackling her to the side with his feet. They pretend to tackle until both of them succumb to the fatigue and alcohol.

 “It’s cold Tae.” Rey mumbles grumpily.

 “I’m too tired to turn off the AC.”

 Both are quiet on the coach, with Taehyung sitting down and staring at the empty ceiling and Rey lying down, feet on Tae’s lap, curled on her left side.

 A short sigh, “I miss those days.” V says fondly thinking of easier times. Less fans, less responsibilities. More time for self-discovery.

 There is silence for a while, before Rey turns towards the couch, Tae almost doesn’t hear it, “Yeah. Me too.”

 ---

 She hears quiet shuffling in the living room in the middle of night. The lights are all out and she can scarcely see anything. She decides to ignore it and proceeds to go back in slumber. She feels a lot warmer now. Maybe Taehyung decided to turn off the air conditioner after all.

 ---

 When she wakes up, she blurrily sees Namjoon and Seokjin eating cereal and having fragrant coffee. They acknowledge her and offer her some breakfast, but she barely shakes her head to say no. Taehyung is passed out on the other side of couch. She notices its 6am, too early for the maknae line.

 It wasn’t unusual for her to spend the night in their dorm, but it has been a while since the last time. She lays back down and snuggles on the couch, maybe she can get another hour of sleep. She covers her face with the comforter with full intention of going back to sleep, just before she vaguely realizes that it smells like Min Yoongi.

[bethsteaclub]

My First GB

Some of you have asked me to write about my first time having sex but that was really boring and by the books. He was my first bf in high school and the first guy to ask me out. We were in the same edgy anime, punk rock friend group at school. We didn’t really click but I was a huge nerd in high school and was very flattered to get asked out at all. I had a fairly big glow up the last few year. High school me was a dork and I looked and acted the part. He was my first partner and it was nothing to write home about.

So instead I’m going to tell you about my first gang bang. Which actually wasn’t too long after my first time It was about 3 months later. First I should say this experience was when I was a minor and it was with adults. At the time and now looking back it was mutual and I don’t hold too many bad feelings about the experience. That being said it was adults taking advantage of me when I lacked the experience and knowledge I do now. This might upset some of you but now I am over it and have met and hooked up with some of these men as recently as a year ago. So I am over the issues it all brings.

Ok, so I was about 15/16 years old and staying over night at my friends house for her birthday. There was 5 of us including my friend staying over for the party. I drew the short straw and had to sleep on the ground which was very uncomfortable for me. Around 1am after they had gone to bed I decided I was going to go downstairs and get some water. My friend also told me if I can’t fall asleep on the ground I can sleep on the couch downstairs.

When I get down there my friends dad had some of his friends over and they had ben drinking. I ran into him in the kitchen and he asked me how the party was and if I couldn’t sleep. Your basic small talk. I know some of you are probably wondering what I was wearing. Well it was nothing special at all. Basic underwear and pyjama bottoms and a loose t-shirt. Plus bed head. I wasn’t looking like any kind of snack I assure you of that.

Following our small talk he asks me if I can carry out some beers for him since he had to carry a bunch. I helped him out and go to the back patio where his friends are. There was 5 all together including my friends dad. They had been drinking and chatting for hours by that point and they were clearly tipsy but still very much ok. I know this is a normal night for them in the summer. Sitting out there chatting and drinking is how they like to spend their time.

I go out and I can tell most of them are thinking “Why is she here?”. My friends dad tells them I was helping carry some beers out and one of them asks me to sit with them. The others overall seem reluctant but he and my friends dad insisted so I did. Nothing was too weird after I joined them. They just chatted with each other about this and that till my friends dad offered me beer. It was the middle of summer and it was really hot outside even at night. I considered water but I wanted to drink with them. I had stolen alcohol from my parents and others before but never had an adult offer it to me till this point. I wasn’t sure but decided to have some. They started to ask me questions about school and life.

I can now looking back and see where they started to condition and lead me into what happened. My friends dad got closer and more touchy and he was saying how I’m more “mature” than the other girls. Through their questions I let out that I had a bf not long before then and that he was my first time. They teased me in a fun playful way about it and made me feel comfortable about telling them all that.  He also at the same time worked in how hot it is outside eventually leading to how I must be hot. He asked me if was wearing anything under my pyjamas. When I told him I was wearing underwear, he told me how I would feel more comfortable if I took off my pyjamas bottoms and that my t-shirt is long enough to cover me up. Which the rest of them also agreed with. I told him how it would be weird to take it off in front of them and how I don’t think my t-shirt is actually long enough.

Through the alcohol and them not making me feel weird about it I went around the side of the house and took it off. Looking back they made sure I didn’t go inside to do it and made sure I was still outside so I wouldn’t get cold feet and back out. When I took my bottoms off I noticed how my t-shirt really wasn’t long enough. It barely went past my butt, but it was too late. I was already standing there outside holding my pyjamas bottoms in my hand. I walk around the corner as confident as I could tugging my t-shirt down as much as I could. They cheered when they saw me and I lifted my pyjamas bottoms in my hand over my head and shook it in celebration with them. When I went to sit down I was embarrassed by how short my t-shirt was but they didn’t seem to notice or say anything about how short it was. They focused mostly on complementing me. They told me how nice my skin is and how pretty I am and how mature I am. How other girls my age wouldn’t hangout with them like that. All while my friends dad keeps giving me more beer and gets more handsy with me. Having been a nerd that no guys had an interest in had me over the moon. I was extremely flattered.

Before I knew it I was making out with my friends dad. When I say making out I mean MAKING OUT! None of that teen crap. Full on adult French kissing with his tongue down my throat and his hands all over me. He pulled me right into him and started to try and lift me up onto his lap facing him. I become more aware of myself when he tries to do that and I remember how short my tshirt is and how there’s a bunch of them watching this. He tells me not to worry about them and pulls me onto his lap anyways. Now I’m sitting on his lap facing him with my pantie butt out in the open for them all to see. All while we kiss and he grabs at my body. I feel someone other than him touch my butt and I break out of my trance. He tells me how I should kiss the others too. How it’s rude for him to hog me.

Before I know it I’m getting pushed off his lap and I’m standing with 2 of the others who suddenly take my t-shirt off. I wasn’t wearing a bra so my boobs where out in the air now. When I realized I went to cover them with my hands but one of them were already on me kissing me. While I was busy with that one of them pulled my underwear down. I could then feel them all grabbing at me and they turned my head this way and that to kiss me. I was dizzy and had spit all over my face when it all suddenly stopped and my friends dad told me how they want to continue but it’s up to me if they do. How if I want to be a good sport I would let them continue and not tell anyone. I was drunk, dizzy and extremely horny from what they had already done to me. I had no idea what was coming so I said yes. Then began the next 4 hours which now looking back really set the tone for the rest of my life.

My friends dad pushed me onto the table, turned me around, picked me up and placed me on the table. He then took off the panties which have been at my feet this whole time. He then revealed his penis. Which for my today wouldn’t be much of a big deal. But to me back then it was a whole other thing entirely. It was nothing like the virgin teen dick I had 3 months prior. This was an experienced adult dick. A dick that fathered 3 children. I was not ready but I was in for the crash course. He slammed it into me with no remorse whatsoever. I can’t imagine the face I made but I’m sure I made many like it over the year. I groaned so intently and let out all my breath as he entered me. I had groaned loud enough that one of the others suddenly placed their hand over my mouth. But the experience was too intense for me to hold back or worry about that. I kept moaning and groaning. He came hard only my stomach. Before he could even finish one of the others dragged me off the table and pushed me to my knees so I could give him a blow job.

I could still feel my friends dads dick inside my pussy but I was already giving a sloppy blowjob. The 5 of them had their way with me, either with my pussy or my mouth or both at the same time. That is until one of them wanted to take my anal virginity and but wanted to do it right. He took me to the bathroom to give me my first enema. Which is something I do almost daily now. I can’t speak for what he did exactly because I was very much not in my head at that point but I do remember it working well enough and him fucking my ass in the tub with my top half slouched out of the tub. I also remember not being a fan of anal when he did do that. My little butt was not ready for an adult dick in there and for sure not someone so aggressive. Once he had carefully taken my anal virginity he took me back to the other who were annoyed with him for hogging me. On the other hand they were very happy with what he had done to my ass. They then continued to double penetrate me and fuck me silly till a little after 6am. They then all left and my friends dad cleaned me up in the shower got me dressed and gave me one of his wife’s birth control pills. I fell asleep on the couch to get woken up by my friends dad about an hour later. No one had gotten up like he expected yet and he was horny again.

He pounded me into the couch. I was not in the best condition when my friends woke up. I was loopy to say the least due to no sleep, still being very drunk and well…all the fucking. My friends dad dropped me back home with the others thinking I wasn’t feeling well. He made sure to tell me its our secret. I left in and didn’t wake up till about 4pm that day. It all felt like a dream when I did finally wake up but I could still feel them on and in my body. I didn’t like it and felt gross but also at the same time it made me really wet. Following that time I was with my friends dad 2 more times and 2 of the others a few times as well. I was never with all 5 of them at the same time again. Thats the best way I can put what happened to me that night. It was a lot of firsts for me and I still think about it all the time.