#[ i'm srsly about to cry

[robo-dino-puppies]

part 2 of Things Lately. I have been plugging away at my dragon age journey and just finished 2. and. well.

first I will say here was my Hawke:

(you give me a character creator I'm for sure gonna use it! but I tried to keep her inspired by "default" Hawke) I love her. I love (almost*) all of them. found family is my favoriiiiiite I would love if they could all be happy and get along ha ha ha.

*the almost is because of a stupid gamey reason for Aveline - very early on, there was some seemingly-innocuous decision I made and she was like :[ +5 rivalry. uhhhh excuse me wtf lady? and then the next thing I did she was like >:[ +10 rivalry. WELL. ok then, if you have that much of a problem with me - FINE. and then if I tried to make her mad, she was like :) +10 friendship. and it just pissed me off lmao. so I rarely had her in my party because I can be petty like that. oh. also. I had little patience for Sebastian.

then i will say. trying to be as brief. and... hinged. as possible. um...

...

H                            E                               L                                  P

i predictably cannot resist a sad wet cat. especially one who loves cats himself T_T DOES THE WARDEN COMMANDER KNOW THEY MADE HIM GIVE UP SER POUNCE-A-LOT?! SHE GAVE HIM THAT CAT!!!

(also I will say my kingdom/left arm/firstborn/etc. for a real photomode D: my god how did I ever play games without photomode it is torturous)

cut bc this is getting long-

here's my Inquisitor:

(why does she stand like... that. ??? and why is she always kind of hunched over? and tilting her head? it weirds me out...)

also I did not know I would have to like. take extensive notes on my quest decisions. I was trying to get everything situated in the Keep and I'm like… fuck I do not remember anyone with that name. who were they? what the hell quest was this? *furiously looking things up* wait I only played it two weeks ago??! i forgor…

also also- Origins and DA2: no controller! only keyboard. me: 😭😭😭 Inquisition: you can use a controller now! me: oh thank god- Inquisition: but all the button prompts will be in Xbox! 😁 me: -fucking damn it.

this would not actually be a huge problem because I do know which buttons go where EXCEPT that Xbox and PS controllers share one button. with the same symbol. and friend. it does not live in the same spot on both. so I see X on screen and my muscle memory takes over lolcry

thankfully X/square isn't like, something you're prompted to press in combat usually. so it's not too awful. but still very annoying.

[crowfromfoggyforest]

me having the lyrics "flames to dust, lovers to friends / why do all good things come to an end" stuck in my head is honestly so arophobic >:(

[mercutiodidntdieforthis]

Sorry but if you make s/icide jokes about yourself and then act like a dick to people who are concerned about you. Then I’M gonna kill you lmao.

[bisaster-energy]

literally don't listen to the oh hellos valley album if thinking about sam winchester makes u feel anything because those songs are so fucking samcoded it'll tear ur heart out

[b0r3dtod3ath]

HEYY,so i really really love flirty cocky possessive lando but at the same time a cute lando😭hmm

i’m not very good at prompts but here’s some idk if they’re good 🤷‍♀️

- bestfriend readers came back to landos house (that he shares w max f and reader because they’re all bffs) and readers been out drinking and came back crying because readers now ex boyfriend cheated on her and lando is such a cutie,(but has romantic feelings for reader just doesn’t know how to tell her) he takes care of her and they go to his bathroom where he places her on a counter, wipes her tears takes her mascara and dress off and gets her one of his hoodies bc he’s very protective of her,and just tells her how she doesn’t need her ex he was a of shit bf and he knows loads of men that would treat her better and being a cutie hugging her and shit and he just takes her to his bed where he just hugs her all night,maybe bc he’s a little upset some prick hurt his girlie like this😭😭

- Lando and reader ‘hating’ each other and bickering when other drivers are around but one day it all changes when some of the grid wake up after having a big party at another drivers house and lando and reader coming out of the same room / or being caught laying with each other the morning after 😁

- pool party with grid but bff lando x reader ?? Everyone thinking lando was seeing multiple girls but after reader starting to get very close with another driver in the pool clingy ,touchy and needy lando comes out,the side of lando nobody knew because he always acted nonchalant with girls and grabs her by the waist (idk this one isn’t very good but you get the idea) and yea you can escalate it from thereeee

- Reader x Bff lando ((again ik) Reader and lando share a house with other friends such as max F) and reader is getting ready for another hopeless date to fill the void of the only man she wanted which was lando ofc.Lando barges into her room when reader is wearing a kinda see through silky bath gown on top of an vs set,only because she was getting ready,obvs she was gonna replace the overlay with her dress after,Lando bursting in was nothing new and she and him was close, they are best friends that sleep one wall away.. and lando kinda checks her out while asking where she was going as he lays on her bed and she tells him about this date and he gets jelaous?!! reader goes into the bathroom to change into her outfit and lando is just says something like “ooooh you really do need to get laid don’t u?” and she jokingly argues back but he gets kinda clingy,upset,annoyed,pissy maybe? starts questioning why she goes on these pointless dates or one night stands then gets so hyped up by her short dress that he goes “do they even make you cum” and she’s at her mirror and he just comes up behind her because she doesn’t respond and becomes touchy bc yh😚

ok srsly i wrote this at almost 3.30am i’m so tired but can’t sleeeeep, i’m sorry if this is a mess but you can tell i have such a thing for reader bff tropes!!! this whole thing MIGHT be useless i’m sorry if you can’t understand any of it btw LOL😁

request: bestfriend readers came back to landos house (that he shares w max f and reader because they’re all bffs) and readers been out drinking and came back crying because readers now ex boyfriend cheated on her and lando is such a cutie,(but has romantic feelings for reader just doesn’t know how to tell her) he takes care of her and they go to his bathroom where he places her on a counter, wipes her tears takes her mascara and dress off and gets her one of his hoodies bc he’s very protective of her,and just tells her how she doesn’t need her ex he was a of shit bf and he knows loads of men that would treat her better and being a cutie hugging her and shit and he just takes her to his bed where he just hugs her all night,maybe bc he’s a little upset some prick hurt his girlie like this😭😭

a/n: I'm so sorry it took so long to reply to your request. Thank you and I love your message! I hope you are still interested in reading this. I wrote just one part but I definitely will be coming back to this request! 

Lando was laying on the couch, scrolling through his phone, when he heard the front door creak open. He glanced up, expecting to see Max or you. Instead, he was met with the sight of you stumbling through the doorway in makeup ruined by tears streaming down your face.

"Hey, what's wrong? Did someone hurt you?" Lando asked, jumping up and rushing over to you.

You tried to speak, but all that came out was a choked sob. Lando gently took your hand and guided you further inside, closing the door behind you. His heart ached at the sight of you so broken. "Come on, let's sit down," he said softly, leading you to the couch. You collapsed onto it, burying your face in your hands - avoiding his look. "He broke up with me," you finally managed to say between sobs. "He did it in front of half of our friends, and I… I just can't believe he could humiliate me like that and that we are over”. 

Lando's jaw clenched in anger at the thought of your ex-boyfriend's cruelty, but he pushed those feelings aside. Right now, you were in need of his comfort, not his rage. "I'm so sorry," he said, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you close. "You don't deserve to be treated like that”. You leaned into him, your body shaking with sobs. "You are the best person I know, and he was an idiot to let you go. You deserve someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve” Lando said firmly, lifting your chin so you would look at him. You sniffled, more tears streaming down your face. "Thank you, Lando. I don't know what I would do without you”. 

Lando's heart swelled at your words. He had always had feelings for you, but he had never expressed them in fear of ruining your friendship. When you got into a relationship it was a bit easier for him as he kept telling himself that you found someone you loved. Seeing you so broken, he knew he needed to be there for you, no matter what.

"Let's get you cleaned up," he said gently, helping you to your feet. He led you to the bathroom, lifting you onto the counter. He didn’t know how to execute your routine and started confusingly looking through your cabinets. You giggled at the sight of him being lost and with a quiet voice instructed him what to do. He was wiping away your tears and makeup as if you were made out of porcelain. "You don't need him," Lando said softly as you cried even more. "He was a piece of shit, and you deserve so much better. You know it”. You sniffled, the pain in your chest easing slightly at his comforting words. "Thank you, Lando”. He smiled, a bittersweet feeling tugging at his heart as he looked into your bloody eyes.

"Let’s get changed," he said, carefully unzipping your dress and helping you slip into one of his hoodies. It brought you a sense of comfort. Not only because of its size and softness but also because it smelled like Lando. He pulled you into a gentle hug, his arms wrapping around you protectively. "You don't need him," he repeated softly, resting his chin on top of your head. "I know so many guys who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated." You clung to him with your face buried in his chest, finding comfort in his embrace. "You're the best, Lando," you whispered, your voice trembling slightly.

His heart ached at the thought of you hurting as he ran his hand up and down your back. "You need some rest," he said, guiding you to your bedroom.

Lando pulled back the covers and helped you into your bed before climbing in beside you. He wrapped his arms around you once more, pulling you close. "I'll be right here," he murmured. "I'm not going anywhere”. As you drifted off to sleep, comforted by his presence, Lando stayed awake for a while longer, his mind racing. He was upset that someone had hurt you so deeply, but he was also determined to be there for you, to show you how much you meant to him. "You're going to be okay," he whispered into the darkness, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "I promise”. 

June 10, 2024

[queenharumiura]

((lkjdsflkjslkfjasdf WAIT A MIN-- I --- My mind is-- This fanartist really just blew my mind with: 86-27= 59. YOOOOO?????? OKAY BUT---????? I laugh at the idea that it could also mean that if she never fell in love with Tsuna, she’d be focusing on her studies and she’d give a certain Storm guardian a run for his money lolololol She’s not a Midori student for nothing. ))

[gasstationlady]

GUTS | a lando norris social media au | pt. 1

pairing: lando norris x singer!reader, ex!drew starkey x reader

y/n l/n’s latest album is speculated to be about her ex. however, she already moved on.

note: fc is olivia rodrigo! i hope the quality of the photos are okay, everytime i saved my drafts on my phone they became blurry :(

disclaimer: no hate to drew!! i just needed a famous ex. also so sorry for any grammar mistakes or typos!!

masterlist ⋆ next

yourusername

liked by oliviarodrigo, yourbestie and 4,779,774 others

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️❤️

View all 33,719 comments

yourbestie soooooo proud of you 🥹 this album is amazing

user teenage dream made me BAWL i love you 😭😭

user MISS Y/N, YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN

oliviarodrigo obsessed.

user omg are the songs about drew

enews

41,202 likes

enews In Y/n’s new album, “Guts,” Y/n shares information on her old relationship with Drew Starkey. The pair started dating last year until ultimately breaking up in the beginning of 2023.

View all 2,978 comments

user omggg this is the drama i’ve been waiting for

user you guys really chose to focus on this when not even half the songs are about drew

user this album saved 2023

yourusername

liked by yourbestie, bellahadid and 6,313,074 others

tagged yourbestie and conangray

yourusername some GUTS bts, still can’t believe it’s out but i’m so happy it’s yours!!!! been sitting on these songs for a few months and although some of them are a little outdated, they still mean a lot to me!!

View all 36,295 comments

conangray spilling my guts absolutely everywhere

yourbestie LETS GO GUTS

user album has in fact been on repeat since the release🫡

user “a little outdated” girl please elaborate you can’t leave us hanging like that 😭😭

f1updates

28,459 likes

f1updates Lando Norris with fans in New York! Most likely staying there until the #SingaporeGP

View all 763 comments

user 🤤

user what is he doing in new york?

↳ user no literally bc it’s kinda sus there’s no reason for him to be there 😭😭

user ugh he looks so good

deuxmoi

57,380 likes

deuxmoi 🚨 NEW COUPLE ALERT 🚨

View all 1,128 comments

user obviously it’s y/n l/n but which driver???

user you guys are srsly bored

user kinda iconic of her to go from drew to an f1 driver

↳ user fr i just know drew has to be feeling some type of way rn

user Y/N DATING AN F1 DRIVER WAS NOT ON MY 2023 BINGO CARD

yourusername

liked by yourbestie, zendaya and 2,116,844 others

yourusername soooo excited to be performing at the @/VMAs!!! make sure to tune in on Tuesday at 8pm on #MTV

View all 2,351 comments

yourbestie talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, showstopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely never been done before

zendaya AHH can't wait!!

user wait am i crazy or am i connecting the dots right now

landonorris

liked by danielricciardo, charlesleclerc and 1,950,468 others

landonorris Quick NY stop

View all 5,233 comments

danielricciardo Where was my invite?

↳ landonorris ...

user IS THIS A SOFT LAUNCH OMFG

↳ user the fact that he was the one to soft launch first IM CRYING she's living my dream 😭

user is that y/n 😭😭

user GUYS ITS HAPPENING

drewstarkey

834,801 likes

drewstarkey bad idea right?

View all 6,689 comments

user this is so messy omg 😭😭

user NO HE DID NOT

↳ user wait i'm so confused why are people freaking out?

↳ user "bad idea right?" is one of the songs y/n wrote about him and the song literally talks about her wanting to go back to him

user posting this right after guts and lando's soft launch is CRAZY

[himejoshiangels]

Duke Thomas fic rec list

I've scowered every tag relating to him, combed thru the 'duke centric tag' at least 8 times, this is what ive come back with, at least my personal faves

necessary reminders - duke pov, outsider pov, and some social media following duke as he gets used to his day job as a vigilante. flows really well, has a good balance of sad and happy, and gets dukes character rlly well

that which you cannot bear - THIS FIC WILL BREAK YYOU duke is kidnapped and its only down from there!! this is like, one of the first duke fics I read and it's still labeled as such in my mind. its well based, sooo cohesive plot wise, and stays completely in character w all its characters, especially duke, while exploring such an interesting facet of him > his tendency to self-isolate, insistence on being independent, and his stubbornness. sooo much good angst just incredible stuff while also staying hopeful and grounded. ALSO duke is an intelligent badass throughout the fic which is an important detail 2 me

signal, n. a divine act - same author as the last one, absolutely insane concepts are explored and its just so well written srsly it's like poetry. digs into some of dukes ideologies so well. if u like holy imagery??? kind of but not rlly?? ig you'll love this

this whole series is just so fucking incredible but something about my bodies made of crushed little stars I don't fucking know it messed w my brain chemistry, I've recced it b 4 bcs it made me cry but read the whole series, it's all duke centric and just so good. Saki writes bruce and duke in a way that fizzes u up w emotion and focuses on such unique facets of dukes character/dynamics and sleep well my little sunshine is soo cute and fun and soft >when earth finds the stars - bonus presignal duke and jason fic, balances being incredibly fun with a realistic zoom in on duke before we are robin. he's quippy and witty and always at the edge of his rope

not mutually exclusive - tired of bruce being kinda shoved into the role of dukes capital F father when that's not quite what their dynamic is? Then this is the fic for you!! Just good duke and Bruce interactions overall, it's sad and hilarious with just incredible dialogue and peak Bruce and Duke interactions

signals and symptoms - a classic sickfic and like one of my fave bruce bonding fic ever ever EVERRR!! really introspective abt dukes character and just so well done

even exchanges - some of u are gonna hate me for reccing an incomplete fic and esp one that doesn't look like it's gonna be finished anytime soon but even exchanges is so formative to my duke characterizationalong with portraying such a fascinating dynamic w him and his new family. it delves into his messy and angsty experiences pre-becoming the signal and is overall written like several subsequent punches to the stomach. promise ur gonna bitch and moan about this fic as much as I do

scientific method - extremely cute fic, watch Duke bond w the bats and slowly get more comfortable with them over time as they all tru to figure out what the fuck this guys powers are. Really fun dynamic wise, the dialogue is crafty and captures the familiarity between the characters. Really realistic about day to day vigilante life and how genius the bats truly are. really slice of life fluffy shit w some bonus sciencey stuff

turn my voice human torch remind people what I’m fantastic for - truly a classic, Duke invites cass to slam poetry night. short n sweet I LOVE BUMBLEBATS RAHHHHHH

tradition - pure duke n bruce ice cream fluff

meal prep - real sad angst one shot ft. alfred

occupational health and safety violations - duke pov reverse robins but it's way out of order

write about flowers (at a time like this) - duke and dick fic where they meet pre we are robin. yes I just found this one yesterday yes I'm absolutely obsessed. it characterizes him so well and understands his thought process and motives and UGHH just tune in yall

sidequest: the viper pit - WE ARE ROBIN DND JUMANJI

signals of fear and hope - duke centric reverse robins, caters TTOME specifically it's so fire

and now here are fics that arent duke centric but he's in it and in character/well written and now forced into the back of the room aka some of my general faves that feature duke

gotham aviary - the batman fic where he just adopts a bunch of em truly adorable like the cutest thing you'll read

I walk the streets at night (with monsters in my mind) - dragon fic, absolutely goated 10/10

fight, flight - cass centric but duke plays a big role, they mean everything to me

[patentedsun]

You guys I'm actually crying over chapter 204.5 (which is technically an ad for a certain company we're all boycotting btw) but ignoring the actual ad THE STORYLINE WAS SO??? GOOD???? the Natsu characterization in this was INCREDIBLE (be prepared for intense 100yq hatred) and it portrayed exactly why I fell in love with nalu in the first place....

Summary and analysis below (doesn't incl all the pages btw!!)

We start off with Lucy finding Natsu and Happy at her place, as always.

this is followed by him being like "do you think we'll peek or something" which... 100yq natsu would have... that IMPOSTER...

Anyways while she's taking a bath, Natsu and Happy are browsing around Lucy's room and find a book that stands out. (Btw right next to this book is her diary, 100yq natsu would've gone straight for that). However they end up accidentally destroying it and start panicking. They ask Lucy if they can "borrow it" and Lucy panics at first, saying it's precious and not to touch it, but relents when they say they found it "interesting".

fast forward, we see them worn out after trying and failing to find a replacement copy. ONCE AGAIN, they're doing this because it's something precious to LUCY. Not because they care about reading, or because the book has any value to them, but because they understand it's important to HER. Natsu (and Happy) going the extra mile for things that are important to Lucy is SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART of their entire dynamic.

continuing, Lucy walks into the guild and asks how they're finding the book, they say it's interesting. Lucy gets SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS and starts talking non stop ab the book. Happy asks her why this book is so important to her and...

Y I K E S.

So yeah, they ultimately decide that lying isn't it and they should apologize upfront.

this is so beautiful to me, idk like the imagery of them bowing so sincerely is so.... and like wow MASHIMA seems like natsu IS capable of acknowledging his own wrongdoings and offering genuine apologies. I'm not even talking ab the whole post tartaros situation no, I'm talking about fucking 100yq, where natsu actually physically hurts Lucy and doesn't apologize for it (AND IN FACT ITS PLAYED FOR A GAG)(IMPOSTER!!! NOT MY NATSU!!!)

Soooo Lucy doesn't take it well and runs away.

the fact that they didn't stop their search here. the fact that they EXPANDED it to other towns to try and find her the book THIS IS JUST <3333

Anyways, Lucy returns and reveals dozens of copies of the book...

My heart actually broke for her here because as someone who ig creates stuff as well, it really can be painful to have no audience interaction. And to have a book you wrote bomb like that...ouch... and of course she would've been excited, her best friends told her they found it interesting!!! my HEART. OUCH. and the sheer guilt on Natsu and Happy's faces here 😭 Once again, 100yq would've played this off for a gag...

And they all start bawling (and the ad comes in so I will stop there) but YEAH. THIS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL??? The way she's regretful too, the way they're still trying to apologize and make her feel better I'm :(. This is what makes nalu work and it feels like mashima is forgetting that ab his own work... they're both genuinely good and kind to each other... like not to get sidetracked but there has always been goofy fanservice moments but there were also so many wonderful, emotional, complex scenes with them with depth and maturity and I just feel like that's lacking now. So reading this was like getting punched in the face srsly because wow... THIS is the natsu I know and love ugh .....

[god-has-entered-my-body]

What time you coming out? - M.H x Reader // pt.1

A/N: Lenas writer debut??? Omg??? This has a bunch of references to fics like the cellophane house (written by the lovely @vinylandcoffeecollection, srsly check out their work!). It's a bit angsty? Not really but angst will come this is a chaptered fic. Based off fallingforyou, hence the title. Thank you @beforeyougo-turnthebiglightoff for beta reading and putting up with me xx

wc: 11k

part two

February, 2008

“I'm not sure we should be doing this, neither of us is a professional hairdresser in any capacity” 

Mötley Crüe’s ‘Public Enemy #1’ blares through the small speaker set on top of the toilet lid, the music reverberating off the bathroom's tiled walls. Matty attempts to brush the bleach onto your hair, narrowly missing your eyebrow for what felt like the sixth time. You'd prefer to not come out of this situation looking like 90s madonna if you could help it. 

“Could you maybe not get the stuff on my face? I'm not sure I'd look as amazing as I do with bleached brows,” you say, flicking Mattys hand away from your hair, straightening your posture on top of the sink. Your elbow accidently knocks into the faucet and you curse out loud. 

“You're right love, you'd look well hideous without brows” Matty retorts, laughing in your face. He's right, doesn't mean he has to say it.

“At least I have any sort of eyebrows, I'd get yours filled in if I was you.” Now it's your turn to laugh at him, his jaw hitting the floor at your comment. He clutches his chest with his hand, bending over for dramatic effect as if to say: “You wound me”. You fall into each other's arms, fighting over the ipod once again.

The song changes, and Matty resumes his attempts at bleaching your hair properly, failing once again. It had been a stupid, stoned impulse decision to buy the bleach at all. The local drugstore sold it for cheap, and you had some pocket change on you. Matty wanted you to buy the red dye, and you dismissed him immediately, because even he knew you'd look absolutely terrible as a redhead. 

You hum along softly to David Bowie's “Suffragette City”. Bowie was your Idol. The song reminds you of him. Of Matty. It reminds you of when you first met.

—------------------------------------------------------

You were 15, pacing the street late at night, your boyfriend was blowing up your phone. Insincere apologies and “i love you”’s filled your screen. 4 missed calls. Tears were streaming down your face, making you not quite able to see straight. 

The song playing, was blaring in your headphones, almost deafening. The song didn't fit at all to your current situation, but that didn't bother you.

It wasn't long before you reached a bus stop, sitting down. You didn't even know where you were. 

Suddenly, like it was out of your control, you let out broken sobs, no longer silently crying. How fucking embarrassing.

You're not sure how long you’d been sitting there, in the dark, shivering in the cruel November weather. 

You hadn't even noticed the person walking up to you. 

He’d positioned himself in front of you, twisting his neck to get a look underneath your hood.

“You alright?” his voice sounded soft, concerned even. Through muffled sobs, you managed to look up at him. 

He had a thick, fluffy jacket on. Oddly feminine for bloke, and you were pretty sure it was a women's coat. It basically swallowed him whole. You almost laughed at the sight. It almost made you forget about the night's events. 

You’d had yet another fight with your boyfriend, Phillip. The two of you fought a lot, but never like this. Sure, he’d said some hurtful things, things you maybe shouldn't have forgiven as quickly as you did, but he had never, ever, gotten violent with you. Until tonight.

You'd barely registered it when it happened, your brain not properly processing his actions. In the midst of his screaming, he raised his hand. Raised. his. hand. 

It came down with a crash against your left cheek, the sound echoing through the house. Because he did, in fact, have his own flat. Because 24 year olds usually have that. 

Everything hit you at once. You'd managed to pick yourself up off the ground at a speed which would have given even world record holders a run for their money. You didn't bother grabbing anything else, you just needed to get out, now. 

You could faintly hear his voice calling out from behind you, begging you to please, please come back. And what? Let him put his hands on you again? No way. A rare moment of clarity.

Fucking cunt 

You’re brought back to reality by the sound of the stranger's voice. 

“I’m Matty.” he offered his hand, and you shook it. “What're you doing out here in the cold? Its fuckin’ freezing.” He's right, it was cold. It hadn't occurred to you to take your coat with you.

You stuttered out a pathetic response of your name, barely making eye contact with him. A few beats pass before Matty starts ruffling around in his coat pockets. Raising your eyebrows, you watch him.

You can hear the faint sound of keys in his right pocket, and it's not long before he pulls out a joint from his left. It looks crumpled and old, like it had been there for a while. 

“Spliff? It looks like you need it more than me.” He chuckles, and it somehow makes you feel better. He makes a move to sit next to you, and you twitch slightly when his shoulder touches yours. The bench is quite narrow, so you know it's not on purpose. It doesn't bother you quite as much as it should, given he is a stranger. 

He takes out his lighter. It looks old and used, the black plastic chipping off around the top. It looks like it's a miracle it even works. You can see white writing along the side of it. M.H. Initials? His initials? Matty H something.  

He starts burning the tip. Rotating the joint to get an even burn, you watch his movements closely, taking in some of his features. 

His hair was curly but frizzy, you could tell he didn't pay it much mind. His features seemed soft, almost feminine. He was clean shaven, his pale skin a stark contrast to the dark brown of his hair. 

Matty lets you take the first drag, stating “The first hit’s the best, and I've always been a gentleman”, flashing a grin your way. That made you laugh. You take a drag, letting the warm feeling spread through your body.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked timidly, his voice lowering. 

“Absolutely not.” You mutter, looking him straight in the eyes for what seems like the first time that night. A smile.  

—-------------------------------------------------------

“D’you think I'd look good as a blonde? I feel like I'd smash it,” Matty says, inspecting his hair in the mirror behind you. He has gorgeous locks, and you're constantly telling him to try and take care of them, he just doesn't listen. You study his features before giving him an answer.

“Maybe. Either that or you'd look like a bad hooker,” Matty gasps, shoving your shoulder in protest. The movement  makes your elbow bang against the faucet again, but you ignore the pain this time 

“I'll let you know i'd make an amazing hooker, thanks very much,” He proclaims quite loudly, making the both of you burst into a laughing fit. 

You take the brush from Matty, twirling in your hand. George had taught you how to do that. An idea pops into your head. 

“We could give you a few blonde highlights, just to try it out. There's no need for you to go full Elle Woods immediately” A giggle escapes your lips, picturing Matty with long, blonde hair. That’d be a sight. 

“Let's do it, right now,” he breathes, visibly excited.

“Really? Adam’d take the absolute piss out of you, you know.” Matty rolls his eyes obnoxiously before he speaks. “Well then let Adam hold on to his toxic ideas of masculinity, I need a change.” This piques your interest. Matty? Need a change? Weird. 

“What, did some bird break your heart this time? That's new, even for you Matthew,”

You can see him visibly cringe at your use of his full name. You know he hates it, and that is exactly why you do it. Getting a rise out of him is your favorite pastime. 

“Switch with me then,” you say, and he obliges, letting you hop off the counter. You mix up a new batch of bleach and part off his hair into small sections. Little pink hair bands hold his curls in place. You shoot him a look and he nods, giving you the go-ahead. The bleach goes on smoothly, your practiced hand much less prone to mistakes than Mattys.

It doesn't take long before you're both sitting on your bed with foils in your hair. You manage to snap a picture of Matty on your polaroid camera. The light reflects off the foils, distorting the picture slightly. Matty demands to see it, but you decide to keep it for yourself. Can't get everything you want.  

It's Mattys' turn on the music. 

You've decided on a turn system for music when you're together, to avoid the gnarly fights you used to have over who gets to control the ipod.

He picks the latest Deftones album. It's not really your taste, and you tell him as much. 

“S’not my fault your music taste consists of pop trash. Get well soon”, now it's your turn to shove him, and he almost falls off the bed. Your fights over music happened frequently. He insisted on listening to real music, while you couldn't care less if it sounded good. 

The timer dings and you both get up to wash your hair in the sink. Water splashes everywhere, absolutely soaking the bathroom. You don't care. It's just water. 

Towels litter the bathroom floor, soaking up the mess. Matty helps you dry your hair after you promise to help with his. The warm air feels nice on your neck. 

“I like it, it makes me look camp,” Matty states, admiring himself in the mirror. Of course he'd say something like that. 

“You look great, now get dressed, I've messaged Hann. He's picking us up at half 11” 

Adam was one of your best mates, and the only one who had a car. You and Matty were still in school, along with George, another one of your friends. Adam and Ross shared a flat on the outskirts of the city. Adam's mother had gifted him a car for his 18th birthday last year. A bright red Kia. Bumper stickers littered the back, your favorite reading ‘Vehicle of legends” 

Matty had borrowed one of your tops, specifically, a mesh top you'd gotten from Hollister a few weeks prior. It was adorned with a black tank top underneath, paired with the black skinny jeans you're convinced have fused with his legs at this point. 

His hair had dried, dark curls now in contrast with blonde streaks. They framed his face. He looked good. 

You’d gone for a more colorful ensemble, opting for baggy jeans instead of skinny ones. The bottom had already been well ripped up from years of dragging them on the ground. You paired said jeans with a wine-red off the shoulder jumper, the black strap of your bralette peaking out. You’d always loved that color. It reminded you of your favorite flowers, red roses.

The window closed softly, and you silently thanked God you lived on the first floor. Adam was already parked down the road from your house, impatiently waiting for the two of you. The radio was playing as you got in. Matty immediately started going on about how pop music has ruined the music scene and how it was all 'soulless, meaningless droning' and 'had no feeling anymore'. He always did this, and you'd learned to tune it out by then. 

The drive was short, and you arrived at your destination not long after you’d set off. The air smelled like water and wet pavement. It had been pissing down earlier in the day.  

‘The spot’ was an abandoned paper factory, affectionately renamed “Caroline's house” for any eavesdropping parents.  

Carolines had been abandoned for well over 5 years before you started hanging out there, not many knew about it.

The three of you had already made your way through the back entrance. The front had been blocked off years ago, a futile attempt at keeping kids out. There was one specific room you always went to, and that was the office. It had a huge terrace with an amazing view of the city below. The glowing lights made you feel small and irrelevant in the vastness of the world. 

The night was bright under the full moon, making it easy to see outside. Adam always brought an emergency flashlight with him when you went to Carolines. He was the voice of reason in the midst of the chaos. The responsible one. He always made sure everyone got home safe, talked your way out of situations with coppers on multiple occasions, and knew when to tell the bartender to switch drinks to water or juice. You’d always thank him the morning after. 

“What even is your shirt, mate,” Adam asked with a grin on his face. He loved to take the piss out of Matty for his camp-ness. No harm no foul, Matty would do the exact same to him when the opportunity presented itself. Eyeing him up and down, he shook his head and went back to picking at his nails.   

“She let me borrow it for tonight. Looks good, yeah?” Matty shoots back. 

“Yeah sure, that and those white streaks in your hair make you look like a proper girl, you know” 

You have to laugh at his statement, because it does ring true. From a certain distance, anyone could mistake Matty for a woman. 

“You wish I was a girl, it’d make you feel less guilty about your sex fantasies, innit?” Matty cackles at his own words. Adam chucks a lighter at him, and misses. It instead bounces off the railing of the terrace and clatters down onto the ground somewhere behind you. 

That was your cue to take out the small baggy from the pocket of your jeans. Going to look for the lighter Adam had just thrown, you turn around to see he’d already snatched your papes and weed, and started to roll a spliff. 

“Oh come on, I look away for a second and you steal my weed. What, are you too broke to buy your own?” You huffed, sitting down on the floor next to him. 

“Girls don't roll their own spliffs. You should know that by now, love” he said with a wink. 

Cue eye roll. 

“Oh thank you so much, what would I ever do without you, Hann? Fuck off.” you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm. This was never a display of chivalry, it was simply Adams' way of trying to get under your skin. Your stubborn self wouldn't let him, of course. Flashing him an award winning smile, you lay back on your elbows and eye him as he rolls your joint for you. 

Matty was preoccupied with gathering enough cardboard so he could sit on the floor comfortably. The three of you couldn't be arsed bringing in furniture from the office, so you were left with the cold, unforgiving concrete floor of the terrace to sit on. 

The minutes ticked by and Adam took his sweet time, presenting the spliff with a look of pride. You reach for it, seeing as you already had the lighter in your hand. Instead of handing it to you. Adam shakes his head. 

“Girls dont light their own spliffs, either” You scoff at that, though deciding against smacking him upside the head. You hand him the lighter.  

Mattys giggles can be faintly heard over your bickering, and Adam finally lights up. The distinct earthy smell fills up the air around you. They both let you have the first drag, stating something along the lines of “Ladies first” another eye roll.  

“Fucking wankers”, you mutter under your breath, and finally, you inhale. It hits you almost immediately, a soft, fuzzy feeling that reverberates through your veins into every inch of your body. The two of them let out a laugh at your expression, utterly euphoric. 

Adam takes the next drag, hitting him just as hard as it did you. He leans against the glass sliding door, letting his eyes droop closed. 

“Fucking hell, this is some strong weed.” He lets out a rough cough, “Where’d you even get it from?” 

“Oh y’know, just some guy. Same as always I s’pose,” 

Matty spoke “What, d’you shag him or something? No one just gives out this type of premium stuff on a whim,” 

This makes you chuck the grinder at him. It hits him square in the chest. You hum contentedly, grinning at him in amusement when he doubles over in pain. You bicker back and forth, calling each other names. Adam passes the spliff back to you, and you take another hit. 

Time passes slowly. The clouds slowly reveal more and more of the full moon. It is quite beautiful tonight, you notice. 

Adam produces a bottle of tequila from his ‘gay-ass tote bag’ as Ross calls it. You take turns taking swigs straight from the bottle, Matty managing to spill some onto his mesh top, making quite literally everything reek of alcohol.

You felt good. The high mixed with the healthy amount of tequila made you feel like you were floating. You could tell Matty was just as hammered as you, seeing as he was now straddling Adams lap, trying to kiss him. 

After multiple attempts at getting him off, Matty stood up on his own, stating that he didn't want Hann to pop a boner au cause de his womanly features.   

The three of you laugh and laugh until you finish the spliff. You’d never had a good tolerance for anything, whether it be weed or alcohol. You weren't particularly small, it just always hit you way harder than Adam or Ross. Even Matty managed to pull himself together when the situation called for it. You, however, were stumbling and tripping over your feet the entire walk home. It had been pissing down the entire morning. Puddles littered the streets, not an ideal weather for someone who was too wasted to even have any sort of depth perception.  

Adam had to leave suddenly, picking up a last minute shift at the shop he worked at. It was in the opposite direction of where you came from, leaving you and Matty to walk home. 

It wasn't a long walk, 30 odd minutes or so. It was made significantly longer by your inability to walk in a straight line to save your life. Echoing laughs filled the streets as Matty helped you trudge along. Your pants dragged on the floor as usual, which meant they were also dragging through the numerous puddles, soaking them. 

You stop suddenly, looking down and pouting at the darkened material of your pants. For some inexplicable reason, this made you stomp your feet like a child. Matty broke out in uncontrollable laughter, tears forming in his eyes. You were actually acting like a child.

“I don't know why you insist on wearing those insanely baggy pants. Look at me! My pants don't get wet AND my ass looks phenomenal in skinny jeans” He twirls around you, making you feel slightly dizzy.

“Oh fuck off!! Not everyone is an attention slag like you, have some decency for once in your life!” You retort, shoving him out of your line of sight. Due to your state, Matty quickly catches up to you. 

The steps of your house come quicker than expected. Both of you make your way to the east side of the first floor, where your bedroom window remains slightly ajar. You'd wedged an old shirt between it to keep it from closing all the way. You'd gotten sneaking out down to an art, always knowing when, where and how. Your mother had caught you once. It was your first time. You knew not to make those same mistakes again.

Matty helped you hop onto the windows ledge, his hands grabbing at your sides. While he looked frail, Matty was actually quite strong, lifting you up without breaking a sweat. 

You're sitting on the edge, slightly taller than him now. Peering down, you reach your arms out. The two of you hugged tightly, whispering quiet “goodnight”s and “sleep well”s. Saying goodbye after a night out often felt strangely melancholic, you never wanted the other to leave. 

You've been attached at the hip since that night. He’d convinced you to break up with Phillip, stating he was a bastard who shouldn't be allowed near women ever again.

Matty went on to introduce you to his mates after you’d found out you went to the same highschool. That was nearly 3 years ago now. 

Late nights often make you wonder what would have happened if you hadn't gone to that specific bus stop and met Matty. If he had ignored your crying instead of offering you weed and sitting down next to you. He’d always been charming, like a magnet, he attracted everyone around him. Sure, he was a bit pretentious at times, but everyone has their faults. 

You roll over and try to sleep, slowly coming down from your high. You made a mental note to take it easy next time, maybe pace yourself. It was hard to know your limits when it came to substances, and Matty was the same way. Adam was the ever responsible one, never too drunk or high, always the parent. You were grateful for him, knowing what situations you'd be stuck in if Adam had not been there to smooth things over. 

The tiredness hits you in waves. Glancing at the clock left of your desk, it read 3:26 am. Fuck. You try to ignore the fact that you had to be up in about 4 hours. You close your eyes, welcoming the rest. 

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

A harsh knocking sounded from the direction of your window, scaring the shit out of you. You bolt up, pissed at the disturbance. Turning to face the window, and are met with a familiar grin. Matty. 

It takes all of 5 seconds of him being in your room before you start cursing at him for waking you up like that. He simply shrugs his shoulders and sits in his designated chair. A maroon sofa chair in the corner in front of your bed. It even has M.H carved into the wood, because Matty had some sort of fetish for carving his initials into things. A sign of ownership? It made you wonder. 

Shuffling around the room, you kick your still wet jeans off into the corner, instead picking up a denim skirt. You’d wanted to wear that same red top to school, but seeing as you had fallen asleep wearing it, you chucked it into the same corner as the pants. 

A pink baby tee caught your eye from the chair Matty was sitting in. You silently point at it and he passes it to you. This isn't the first time you've changed in front of him. It didn't happen often, but what was the point of kicking him out? It's not like he was actively staring anyway.

After quickly changing, you go to put on some makeup. Makeup made you feel pretty, pretty enough to go outside. The only person who sees your bare face regularly is Matty. Maybe George. You didn't go anywhere without it.

You can feel Matty looking at you from the corner of your eye. Raising your eyebrows at him, you ask him what he's staring at. 

“D’you reckon i can try some of that?” he gestures vaguely at the eyeshadow brush in your hand “I think i’d look class with my new highlights.” he twirls his hair around his finger, giving you a look.

You look at him skeptically, before breaking out into a smile. Matty smiles back. It's not long before he’s sat in front of you, wincing whenever the brush makes contact with his eyelid. You tell him hes just not used to it, and to just stay still, for fucks sake. 

Once you're done, you take a step back to admire your work. You have to admit, he looks good. Really good. His eyes were lined with a dark purple shadow, making them appear slightly bigger. He takes his fingers, slightly smudging the out corners, giving him a catty look. 

“I think you might even look even better than me,” you say, looking him up and down. This is one of those rare moments where you can't read Mattys' expression at all. Finally, he opens his mouth

“No one could look better than you, trust me,”  

A beat of silence before he speaks again

“I do look ravishing though, d’you reckon Adam'll like this more than the highlights?” He always manages to make himself laugh. Then in typical Matty fashion, he pulls out a beat up looking joint from the pocket of his too tight jeans. 

“Fancy a spliff?” 

“Matty, for christ's sake, we have school in about an hour, and you want to smoke now?” 

“It's the only true way to get through Mr. Henderson's maths class, you know it'll be unbearable if we don't.” translation: please smoke with me. He gives you a look, because you know he's right. 

It was too late to protest. He’d already made his way to open your window, knowing how much you hate stinking up your room.

An exasperated sigh leaves your lips, and you find your place next to him. 

The wind and rain had calmed down, so Matty had no difficulty lighting it. The smell filled your senses, almost overwhelming you. You were thankful for the fresh air.

He placed the spliff between your lips, watching you intently as you inhaled. Your orange lip gloss had rubbed off the filter, and transferred onto his lips. The weed wasnt as strong as last nights, but still, the sight of Mattys glossed lips made you break out into a fit of giggles. Time seemed irrelevant up until the point you had to run to catch your bus. Sweaty and out of breath, you sat down in your usual spot. 

You can hear comments and insults being thrown at Matty from the back of the bus, but neither of you paid much mind. Matty was high as a kite, and too loopy (hungover) from the previous night to offer up one of his witty retorts. Instead, both of you gave them the bird from over the seat.

Matty was leaning against you, his arms hooked into yours. Neither of you spoke, listening to the soft rumbling of the bus. You stank of weed, anyone could smell it on you. Remembering a perfume bottle in your handbag, you take it out and douse yourself, as well as Matty in it. 

“Oh for fucks sake, now everything smells like Jimmy Choo Illicit!” Matty whined, burying his head in his hands. “Couldn't you have picked a manlier perfume? I'm already walking a very thin line with all of this” He vaguely gestures to himself. 

“Would you rather get kicked out after coming to school smelling like a fucking dispensary? Think ahead, Matthew!” He cringes visibly

“No need to get out the full government name, jesus” he shuffles up against you, and you can see his eyes are a light shade of red. There's no way the two of you would get through first lesson unnoticed. 

George was already waiting for you guys at your stop. Greeting him with a hug, you try to avoid eye contact, yet somehow, he knows. 

“Hey, you alright-?” He cranes his neck to get a better look at your face 

“Are you–? Are you high??” He laughs out loud, smacking your arm to stabilize himself. You shoot him a death stare, but you can feel a laugh coming too. Matty let out a sarcastic haha before kicking George as a way to say get on with it, we have class.

The walk to the room through the sea of people in the halls feels like a claustrophobic hell. B.O ridden teenagers rub up against the three of you, some even (quite violently) shoving past. 

It's a miracle you make it without Matty losing his mind at one of the hecklers. School was actual hell for Matty, and by proxy, you. Insults were thrown at him without a second thought, and the makeup he’d adorned today surely didn't help the comments.

He never let it truly get to him. He didn't care, and that's what you loved so much about him. This part of the city was set back about fifteen years in terms of acceptance and progressivity, so his flowery backpack and femininity wasn't exactly welcomed.

Adam had always taken the piss out of him for his outfits since they were boys, but he never, ever meant it seriously. They were like brothers, those two, and no amount of shit from other people (irrelevants, as Matty would put it) would be able to break them apart. 

The way the room was set up, there were six tables of four, with two people always facing another two. You had sat in the seat next to George, with Matty sitting (well, more like laying) across the other two chairs opposite you. Mr. Henderson had given up on trying to get Matty to sit right a long time ago, instead just flat out ignoring him. It was always easier to fail than to teach. 

“Fucking poofter, that one,” you can hear someone saying from behind you. You know they mean Matty. 

Matty blows them both a kiss before getting flipped off by the shorter one. He loved taking the piss out of the people who insulted him, throwing them off. 

George questions mattys makeup, and you tell him it was his idea. George had always supported Matty, using his insanely tall stature to fend off anyone giving him a hard time. 

The lesson was going by at a snail's pace, with Matty being his usual self, interrupting at every possible moment. It was so obvious he was off his tits, and Mr. Henderson looked suspicious. A particularly loud laugh from George had prompted him to throw you all out. You couldn't care less, getting up immediately.

Matty picked up his things from the floor, making a show out of bending over in front of the two boys that had insulted him earlier. They both scrunch their faces in disgust, muttering under their breaths. A giggle escapes you as they stare daggers.

“Fucking cunt,” one of them says, and now it’s your turn to blow them a kiss. 

The three of you trudge down the halls, slowly but surely coming down from your highs. George suggests going to Ross and Adams flat, seeing as it's just a few bus stops away from the school. They share a flat above a Sainsburys, which is optimal for late night munchies. Adam even works there, so there's always opportunities to sneak a packet of crisps or a can of cola. 

The bus stinks of sweat and mildew, as did all buses in britain. You get used to the stench after a while, your legs propped up onto George and Mattys laps. The back seat was always your favorite, giving you ample space to stretch a bit. You and George share headphones while Matty takes a quick power nap. He always lets you pick the music, and today it was Radioheads ‘No Surprises’. The music plays softly as buildings and trees pass by the window. The day was quite sunny, the light reflecting off of the windows of houses and offices. You'd sobered up enough to be able to think clearly by now. 

These days were the best. They felt calm, like you could forget every other fucked up thing in your life. Your mother, your coursework. Nothing else existed in your little bubble except the people you were with. It felt peaceful, like a breath of fresh air. 

Matty stirred awake as the bus halted to a stop, yawning for dramatic effect. He loved to exaggerate, ever the performer. George was the quiet, brooding type, trying desperately to go unnoticed, which proved rather difficult. Although he was barely coming up on his 18th birthday, he had grown to a staggering 6 '4, with a voice at least 3 or so octaves deeper than Mattys. 

It had proven useful, you aways had someone to send into the smoke shop to buy fags or liquor, even if it always took a pep talk to even get him through the front door. George was convinced he didn't look older, even though he had never been carded. Ever. 

Usually it was Adam who bought it for you, even though both Matty and Ross were also already 18. Matty had already been banned from most liquor stores in the area, so he proved rather useless in situations needing a bit of booze. 

Mattys violent knocks against the flat door brought you back to reality

“C’MON OPEN UP ITS US,” his voice booms through the hallway. You can hear banging and shuffling coming from the other side of the door. It's so obviously Ross bumping into every available surface because he hadn't turned on the light yet. He was an avid day sleeper, mostly working night shifts. A particularly loud crash is followed by glass breaking. 

Matty taps his foot impatiently, waiting for the door to finally open. Ross emerges, looking disgruntled and tired of Mattys shit. 

“Mate, tell me, what possessed you to come knocking about at this hour, don't you have school-? I swear you're going to be the end of me one day” he rubs his eyes, getting the sleep out of them before moving out of the way to let the three of you in. 

“First of all, it's like 11am, so not exactly the ungodly hour you were describing,” Matty starts “Second of all, we’ve been kicked out of class, so where better to come than here?” 

The inside of the flat reeks of cigarettes and laundry detergent. Ross refuses to smoke on the terrace, deeming it too cold even in the middle of summer. Adam always smokes on the terrace, scared of staining the walls like in those addiction documentaries. A futile attempt, but at least he tries. Matty immediately lights a fag, sighing happily when the nicotine hit his system. School had always been an endurance test for him. Getting him to sit still for 2 hours without going for a cigarette proved nearly impossible. He was already itching by the 45 minute mark.

“What did you even do to get kicked out before 12?” He looks at George, who tells him exactly what happened with tears of laughter in his eyes. Matty rolls his before sitting down on the comforter located to the left of the TV, ashing into one of the various ashtrays situated around the house. George sits on the sofa next to Ross, and you make your way to your favorite spot, the table. Sitting cross legged on the table made you all face each other, which you quite liked. 

“Brew?” George asks, looking up from his Ipod. Everyone nods, and he gets up to put on the kettle. Idle conversation fills the air, and Matty starts chatting about the new “groundbreaking” Metallica album. Matty was, if anything, a music snob. No one could stop him raving on about albums or artists, whether he was praising or criticizing them. Once he started, you couldn't stop him to save your life.

Minutes tick past when George brings back mugs of tea. Mattys mug has got the words “I ❤️ cum” on it. Ross has his usual Macclesfield Town mug, and you and George have the plain green ones Adam bought in an attempt to make the flat seem somewhat civilized. 

Hours pass and Matty finally shuts up. You end up on top of him, sitting on the arms of the comforter. You're all watching Skins on the telly, and Mattys hand makes its way to your back, keeping you steady. He’d always been touchy like that, so it didn't bother you. You look at the sofa and see Ross passed out, drooling onto George's jumper. George, polite as ever, lets him sleep. It was a miracle Ross hadn't started snoring already. 

You suggest to Matty that maybe it was time to get going, seeing as you lived on the other side of the city. George's place was right around the corner, so he decided to stay and look after Ross a bit before Adam got home from his shift. Britain's sweetheart. 

Getting up as quietly as possible, making your way towards the door. Ross stirs as Matty almost knocks over his mug. The two of you make eye contact, silently laughing at Ross’ position, basically on top of George. He flipped you off, rolling his eyes and reaching for the remote, turning down the telly.

It was still fairly dark inside, so gathering everything proved a bit of a challenge. The curtains were drawn shut, the yellow material of them painting the house in a warm yellow hue. 

You had spotted Mattys flowery bag in the corner next to the stove, and grabbed it along with a bottle of cola that was set on top of the kitchen counter. Hydration was important, after all, even if you knew Adam would be livid that you were stealing his shit again. What are mates for?    

Matty grabbed both of your coats, mouthing “lets go,” before making his way towards the front door. 

The bright light of the hallway burns your eyes. How do they survive coming out here when that fucking flat is always so dark? You think to yourself. You wonder if Ross has a vitamin D deficiency from the inherent lack of sunshine in his life, yourself excluded. 

The bus ride home is rowdier, filled with kids from surrounding schools. The both of you hid in a corner towards the front, away from the dickheads that usually sat in the back row. You were both too tired to deal with anyone but each other. 

He was right, everything did smell like jimmy choo now, and maybe you shouldn't have sprayed so much. 

His hand wanders to his eyes, rubbing a bit of the eyeshadow off.

“Does it still look alright?” he asks, looking up from your lap. It had smudged a bit, melted off after a full day of wear. It's not like you used your expensive waterproof stuff, after all.

“You look fine, pretty actually,” You give him a tired smile, stroking his hair absentmindedly 

“Can you even call a guy pretty? Isn't that, like, inherently degrading?” Matty mutters, a grin spreading onto his face. 

“It's only degrading if you let it be. You Matthew Healy, are pretty. Pretty like a girl” 

A laugh escapes you, imagining Matty as a woman. Knowing him, he’d be into it. 

“Does it bother you? Y’know, me being feminine and wearing makeup.” The question surprises you. It's a rare thing seeing Matty this vulnerable. He doesn't care what other people think, but he does care what you think. 

“You know I don't care, I actually prefer you this way.” you assure him.

“Though it's still my mission to convince you that the backpack is not the move you think it is.” 

That earns you a frown from Matty. “It is! I'll let you know the lady at the store told be it very in this time of year” its always funny watching him get defensive over his fashion choices, even if he knows he’s fucked up and its hideous. 

“Yeah maybe it's trendy... for 8 year old girls! But you do you mate, don't let me judge you,” that gets you an elbow to the gut. 

The walk home is one you always take together. Arms hooked into each other, walking, sharing headphones. It's your turn on the music, putting on ‘This Charming Man’ by the smiths. 

“You know, Morrissey sort of reminds me of you. You're really similar in your campness”  Matty choked on air, shooting you a faux offended look. 

“Did you seriously call Morrissey camp? He'd have your head for that.” 

“You're both attention slags, so there's at least one similarity.” Matty doesn't say anything, knowing your words do, in fact, ring true. Matty loves attention, and man, is good at getting it. 

He draws people to him like moths to a flame. Always the loudest, always the most interesting. 

That one saying; “You can't be the prettiest girl at the party, but you always be the drunkest” is a personification of Matty. He tips back wine glass after wine glass, not caring about the stains on his shirt or the red ring around his lips. He then makes it a poor Hanns job to make sure he doesnt get into a scrap with three much bigger guys (which actually did happen last summer outside of a pub in london. Matty got out scot free, while Adam nearly suffered a heart attack). 

You hug Matty goodbye, giving him a peck on the cheek. 

You always dreaded coming home. 

They say your biggest critic is your mind, but yours was your mother. You knew she had already gotten a call from the school saying you cut class. The moment you stepped into the living room, the yelling started. “How can you do this” and “What are you even doing with your life” turned into “Look at yourself, you look like a whore and you're going to school like that?” or “Were you out with that little gay boyfriend of yours again?”

You try to tune it out, not letting it get to you. She's been like that for as long as you can remember, never letting up for even just a second. You weren't the best kid, but she sure isn't helping you “get on the right track” as she liked to say.

Tears well up in your eyes when you finally shut your bedroom door. Your first instinct is to call Matty. He picks up after two rings, immediately hearing the quiver in your voice. 

He tells you he’ll be there as soon as he can. 

Minutes pass by slowly until you hear a familiar, although uncharacteristically soft, knock at your window. Matty.

Your puffy eyes meet his and he can tell you’d been crying. No words were exchanged as he took you into your arms, his hands soothingly stroking your hair as you let out muffled sobs into his chest. It broke his fucking heart to see you like this. You were extensions of each other, the others' pain was always your own.    

“It's all so shit. Why cant she just be normal one fucking time.” your voice audibly shakes, partially out of anger and partially out of exasperation. 

“I know i suck, I know I'm a bad daughter but-,” Matty cuts you off. “You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” His words only make you cry harder. 

He holds you close, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, the sound of his voice similar to the way he spoke to you that night. His hands feel cold against your skin, and you know he’d rushed to your house without grabbing his coat. You look up at him, seeing his hair was unruly, curls falling into his face. The blonde highlights littered his dark hair and he ran his hand through them, brushing them to the side to get a better look at you. 

“D’you want to sit down? We can listen to music. Whatever you want, and won't even comment on how shit it is, promise,” He knew you didn't want to talk about it then, you never did.  

You sit in silence, your face still in his chest, staining the light blue material of his shirt. You quietly apologize, knowing how much he loves that shirt. He tells you to shut up, and that it didn't matter. 

He had gotten it in Barcelona at some tourist shop for 50 quid. Insane price for a tshirt that just said “Barcelona” on it, but he held it dear to his heart. It reminded him of his childhood summers. 

“There's a bottle of um…,” you trail off, gesturing to the second drawer of your nightstand. Matty understands, and reaches over you to open it. The drawer is filled with half eaten granola bars, bracelets, jewelry, the odd vape for when it was too cold to go outside. Matty always took the piss out of you for having them, saying they were ‘so fucking girly it hurt’. After a second of rummaging, he took out a half drunk bottle of Bacardi. It always sat in your nightstand for when you needed it, and you definitely needed it now. 

“Only you'd have a giant bottle of rum in your nightstand,” Matty says softly, searching your expression. The corners of your mouth tug upwards at his words, and you crack a smile.   

He opens it for you, and grabs an abandoned cup from your desk. The cup he had gifted you on your 17th birthday. It was covered in flowers and stars, very Matty. Very you. Pouring a healthy amount into the glass, he hands it to you.  

“To shitty situations” He raises it, clinking it against your cup. He takes a swig straight from the bottle. You down the whole thing in one go, wincing as the alcohol burns down your throat. 

“You feel better?” he asks, pouring more into your cup. You nod, before taking another drink. “I just need to get drunk and forget,” you sigh. Matty starts to speak again.

“That's an unhealthy way to go about it. Soon enough I'll be picking you up from corners because you can't handle your liquor. It's a recipe for alcoholism, innit?” you cackle at his words prompting Matty to raise his eyebrows at you.  

“Oh come off it!,” How many times have you been so drunk you couldn't find your own dick if you tried. Sort yourself out before criticizing my drinking habits.” you scoff  

You decide ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis is the right soundtrack for the night. You lay down next to Matty, your shoulders and thighs touching each other. You look up fondly at the dozens of yellow stars littering your ceiling. Reminiscent of your early childhood, you couldn't bear to take them down. You still felt like a child, your heart yearning for the same innocence you no longer possessed. A distinct naïveté you missed dearly. After your breakup with Phillip you'd realized that the world wasn't all it was cut out to be. People wanted, and they took. It didn't matter to them if they hurt others, because as long as they were satiated, nothing else mattered. 

You turn to your left, draping your arm over Mattys stomach. He let out a deep breath, raising his right arm to draw light circles onto your back. His nails had grown out longer than usual, but the sharpness of them was comforting through the thin material of your tank top. The edge of your small twin bed dug into your back. 

The two of you laid like that for hours before sleep took over your body. The stars on the ceiling blurred as your eyes started to shut. You let out a soft hum, settling into Matty even more, holding him close.

You don't know how long he stayed, but he was gone when you woke up. You feel a sticky note attached to your forehead, the glue rubbing off on your skin. You could barely read Mattys erratic handwriting. The note read: you fell asleep, hope your hangover isn't as bad as mine. left you some Advil on your dresser xx. 

Your hand reached next to you, feeling two tablets. You wash them down with water from the sink. Your cell phone lights up with a text from George 

“We’re meeting at Hanns flat, be there in 30,”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The windows were rolled up, trapping the smoke inside. Your eyes were glazed over, barely able to make out Ross’ face in front of you. Watching as Matty took another hit, you made a ‘give it here’ motion at the zoot, prompting him to hand it to you. Rhianna blared through the radio, a far cry from Adams usual taste in music, but no one seemed to care. Even Matty had managed to keep his mouth shut, instead moving his head in time with the music. 

Adam was sitting in the driver's seat, as always. He’d never let anyone else drive his girl, not even Ross. He was insanely protective over his car, even if it was an old piece of junk. 

George was in the passenger seat, holding a pink, polka dotted ashtray in his hand. The colorful ceramic proved quite the contrast against his dark clothes and messy blonde hair. It was a gift from his older sister, and the only ashtray he ever used. 

You were perched in the middle seat, your elbows on the console between Adam and George. Matty sat on your right, and Ross on your left.  

“No joke, I once had a bird offer to give me a footjob. Can you imagine that?” Adam spoke loudly, almost too loud. Ross let out a disgusting snort, the mental image of Adam getting a footjob making him properly lose it. You make a face. 

“That can't feel good at all, innit? Aren't the soles of feet rough?” you ponder. “Only if you have George's hobbit feet, that is,” Matty said, ducking to avoid yet another lighter being chucked at him. You were going to run out of lighters at this rate. 

“I'll show you hobbit feet you fucking cunt,” George retorted, sticking out his tongue like a child.

“I had a girl once who wanted me to properly bite down on her nipples, like hard. Can't imagine how much that would've hurt.” you share. She’d been quite the odd one up until she was in your bed, so you were already expecting some sort of weird kink. Nipple biting was definitely not on that list. Not that you were kink shaming.  

George spoke first: “What d’you mean girl? You're telling me you've been with girls?” You raise your eyebrows at him. “Erm, yeah? Didn't I tell you-?” Everyone shook their heads except Matty. You had already told him this story months before, the both of you laughing at your misfortune. Smiling at the fond memory, you meet Ross’ eye. 

“We didn't know you were like, proper gay,” he says quietly, not wanting to sound abrasive. You suck in a deep breath before answering. “I'm not proper anything, and besides,” you point at Matty sitting next to you, “This one’s snogged loads of blokes.”  A collective “What???” fills the car, with everyone's eyes now on Matty. 

“What if I have? It's not my job to notify you of all my sexual endeavors, innit?” Matty looks slightly uncomfortable, giving you a look. You frown at him, and he shakes his head. Slight signs of a smile linger on his face. It's fine he mouths at you, resting his arm on your shoulder. 

The three of them talk loudly over each other, with Ross asking some very explicit questions on the mechanics of gay sex. 

“How do you even, like, properly shag? It's not like you have anything you can shove into the other girl,” Jesus christ. 

Matty taps Ross’ shoulder, bringing the attention to his hands. He brings them up to his mouth, sticking his tongue out between the V-shape his fingers had made. Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, the whole demonstration makes Ross visibly cringe. 

The car suddenly starts. Adam makes the short drive to Carolines, stating that the hotbox was getting to be too much for him. George has a go at his age, calling him an old man. Hann was in fact, about 2 and a half years older than George, and a solid year older than the rest of you. Old man was right. 

You had rolled down the window on Mattys side, hoping some fresh air would help Adams driving skills. The erratic swerving had begun to make you sick. 

Finally trugding up the stairs to the terrace, Matty says something about it being too fucking cold. Ross says “That's the price of being built like a male Kate Moss,” and Matty nearly shoves him down the stairs. 

It is colder than usual, and you had opted for a dark gray zip up, the material hugging you tightly. You were pretty sure it was Mattys. A pair of green wash jeans hung low, revealing the lightning bolt tattoo on your right hip bone. It was a copy of Bowie's on the cover of ‘Aladdin Sane’. You had gotten it done by another one of your mates, Rome, who was an aspiring tattoo artist. It looked a bit shit, the lines slightly crooked, but it was yours. 

You had convinced George and Ross to carry the sofa from the office onto the terrace. They were the tallest and strongest, and Mattys arms would have snapped like twigs if he tried to carry anything, you said to them. George laughed his octave defying laugh, while Ross let out an annoyed grunt, shoving past you. 

Adam was right behind them, carrying a small wooden coffee table. “For you- I know how much you hate sofas,” he says quietly. You called him a softy, but inevitably thanked him for bringing it out. He had his rare sweet moments, and you appreciate them 

Once you had all settled, you took out your tobacco and papes, starting to roll your first cigarette of the night. You honestly needed a break from all the weed, because jesus. 

Matty let out a groan, taking the piss out of you for bringing all that instead of just buying industrials. 

“I know you think you're better than us for rolling, it's quite pretentious.” he sucks in a breath before talking, moving his hands erratically “Don't tell me it ‘tastes better’ because that's simply bollocks, it all tastes the same!” 

“Pretentious? Her? That's rich coming from someone who raves on about William Burroughs like anyone knows who is!” Matty looks hurt, and you give Ross a look that says you really don't know who William Burroughs is?

The conversation continued without you, too preoccupied with rolling to add anything. All was well until George decided to open his giant mouth again. 

“If you're not fully gay,” he started, “how do we know you're not secretly crushing on any of us?” he raised his eyebrows, looking at you expectantly.

You let out a snort, it slowly morphing into laughter until you look at him, his expression deadly serious. 

“You can’t actually mean that?” your voice is slightly hoarse. “For all we know, you could be harboring secret affection for Matty with the amount of times you’ve slept in the same bed.” 

Mattys perks up at this, shooting George a glare that could kill a man. He told him??? 

You don't know what came over you. Maybe it was the weed, maybe you were just groggy from the lingering hangover. You lick the cig closed, setting down next to the others. Uncrossing your legs, you get up and walk towards Matty. You can see the grin plastered onto his face, and he is definitely not sober.

You stumbled over Adam's foot, kicking it out of the way. Ross moved away from Matty, giving you some space. 

The terrace was dark, but the moonlight illuminated some of Mattys features. Specifically, his eyes. They seemed to glow, following your every step toward him. I'll show you secret affection you thought to yourself when your hand made contact with Mattys face. The stubble on his chin scratched your fingers. He never could grow a beard, and the faint shadow was as long as it would get. 

He sat with his legs spread, skin peaking out through the single rip in his jeans. His arms rested on the sofas back, splaying out to the side. He wore a black v-line jumper, the knit of it almost see-through.  

The makeup from the previous day was still smudged on his face, giving him a rockstar-esque look. The eyeshadow framed his eyes, glittering in the faint light. Your hands cupped his face, lightly stroking his jaw. The grin had been wiped off his face the moment you had settled between his legs, kneeling on the edge of the sofa. 

You didn't think, just moved, your lips smashing against each other. It seemed to take Matty by surprise, and it even took him a second before he kissed you back. One thing nagged at you. Why did you like it?

There was no time to think when you heard George wolf whistle at the both of you. 

You want a show, I'll give you a show you thought, slipping in your tongue and taking over the kiss. He seemed into it, but then again, Matty would fuck anything with a pulse. You smile against his mouth at the thought. It suddenly felt hot, even though you were outside. His hand snaked its way into your hair, tugging slightly. This didn't feel platonic. Was it?

“Alright, alright, we didn't sign up for a porno,” Ross says, his hand covering his mouth. You were the one who broke the kiss. Matty let out a soft groan when you parted, loud enough for only you to hear. His eyes pierced yours, and you moved to get off of him. 

Your heart thrummed against your ribcage, and you felt dizzy. What the fuck?

You wiped your mouth, your lipgloss having smeared all over your face. Wiping the back of your sticky hand against the sofa, you turned and walked back to your spot on the table. 

“See! Absolutely no ‘secret affection’ as George so kindly put it.” you say to the group, going back to your pile of fags, taking one and lighting it. If you had looked at Matty instead of being preoccupied with Hanns bickering about the prissy new manager, you would have noticed a faint shade of red caressing his cheeks. He felt around for his own cigarettes, and took out a pack of parliaments. Spotting the lighter next to you, he reached for it, lighting the cig as he inhaled the smoke eagerly.

It was already half two when the five of you finally piled back into Hanns car. The prominent stench of weed made you scrunch up your nose. You decide to light a cigarette in the car despite various protests and threats to your life if you even dared to ash onto the leather seats. Switching seats with Matty, you ash out the window instead, resting your head against the rim of the car. 

Ross and George were having yet another meaningless debate on whether mixing ketchup and mayo was a cardinal sin or totally acceptable. Every other word was an insult, and you knew they would never come to an agreement, ever.

You had already established that you’d be sleeping over at Mattys, saving Adam time and petrol not having to drive both of you home separately. Denise and Tim were out on a press tour, so he had the house to himself. 

His room was dark, the curtains drawn shut. If you knew Matty, you knew he hated the big light with a burning passion. Instead, a small lamp was turned on in the corner, illuminating the various posters that littered his wall. Band posters, prints, tapestries, the occasional quote. Everything screamed Matty

His room was filled with so much music. CD’s, vinyls, even the odd cassette tape. His purple record player sat on top of a dresser next to his desk, surrounded by various small trinkets of his. It was his prized possession, a gift from his mother for his 14th birthday.  

You had already helped yourself to a cola from his fridge downstair. His house was huge, way bigger than your own. Your parents weren't actors, after all. The walls of his room were stained towards the corners, just another side effect of Mattys near constant chain smoking. His bed was big, and you both fit comfortably on it. The wardrobe next to it had a pile of your own clothes in it, but none to sleep in. Your eyes dart around the room looking for one of his to wear, landing on his bright pink durex t-shirt. He had worn it once to school, promptly getting kicked out of literature class by a very conservative Mrs. Sexton.

Soft music was playing in the background as you unloaded your bag onto Matty’s insanely cluttered desk. Out came multiple pens, makeup, not one, not two, but three lighters, and finally, makeup wipes.    

You sat on the ground in front of his full length mirror, wiping at your eyes and face. Matty was making the bed, giving the both of you each your own duvet, a must after too many fights over the blanket. You weren't a peaceful sleeper, constantly tossing and turning, occasionally even kicking Matty in the back. 

Washing your face, you hear the bathroom door click open. Matty went and sat on the closed toilet lid next to you.

“Hand me my toothbrush, will you? And some toothpaste.” he asked, stretching his hand out. You do, even wetting the toothbrush for him. 

He sat there, brushing his teeth and flipping through a recent issue of playboy while you put moisturizer on, and then a serum. 

“I dont get how you can be arsed to put all that shit on your face, it takes way too long,” his comment makes you roll your eyes at him in the reflection. 

“Not everyone is naturally blessed with clear skin like you, people like me have to put effort into their appearance, knobhead.” A wave of insecurity hits you as you inspect the acne on your face. 

You had been a chronic face picker in your early teenage years, and the consequences of that were gnarly acne scars covering most of your face. They were not prominent, but they were there. 

Matty was fortunate enough to have had maybe three zits ever, his clear skin the stuff of dreams. 

Matty watches you pick yourself apart in the mirror. He hated when you did that. It made his heart ache in his chest. He wished you could see what he saw. What did he see?

“You’re quite beautiful, really,” he says, making eye contact with you through the mirror. You’re taken aback, not quite sure how to respond. You open your mouth to speak. 

“Oh bugger off,” you say, your voice breathy and annoyed. You didn't want to sound annoyed, it just came out that way. 

Matty raises both his hands in defeat, and spits the toothpaste into the toilet bowl, flushing. The hairbands sitting on the bathroom counter eventually end up in your hair, holding together two braids on either side of your face. You stare at the mirror one more time, examining yourself. The pink fabric of your (well, Mattys) shirt clung to you like it did Matty. Taking off your bra, you go back into his room. He had changed into a loose Kiss t-shirt and black boxers. The light of the corner lamp helped you find your phone, sitting on the nightstand next to you. 

The atmosphere was calm, calm enough that you’d almost forgotten about the kiss. Almost. 

Matty reached over to turn the lamp off, lighting a candle for light. Cinnamon. 

“You know it's dangerous to sleep with candles lit? We could catch on fire and die,” Matty had rolled over on his side, now facing you. A grin spread onto his face. 

“If it kept me from ever seeing Hanns ugly mug ever again, i’d gladly let cinnamon spice scented flames burn me to death,” 

You giggle at his words. Poor Adam, always taking the worst of Mattys jokes, if you could even call them that. Accepting his decision to keep the candle lit, you pull the blanket over your shoulders. Your eyes shut and you can feel butterflies in your stomach. Butterflies, really? Jesus fucking christ. 

You're scared to open your eyes, scared to even look at Matty. Maybe it was a mistake. He's your best mate. That kiss didn't mean anything, especially not to him.

A million thoughts race through your head, and you shove them into a small corner of your mind. Ignore ignore ignore, it didn't mean anything. He's just some wanker who picked you up at a bus stop three years ago and somehow became your best mate. He's just some guy you share a bed with sometimes. He's just some guy who lights your spliffs for you. He's just some guy who you kissed on a terrace overlooking the city. 

Fuck. 

[uwurakax]

-> HQ AS TAYLOR SWIFT LYRICS +

summary just the vibes of t.swift songs/lyrics and who (i think) match with the haikyuu guys ♡

-> i srsly missed them sm omg, clownin (also im rusty pls cri), maybe one day we'll write more on t.s songs bc dang she's killin it rn

(also edit bc i just came back to check this again before posting but, i thought it was fitting bc ya girl got eras tour tickets!)

(( edit two - you can see from above when i started working on this, came back and came back again rn, bc sis is making friendship bracelets rn for next month aa! and i got inspired by this lol - i also just have impeccable taste ))

featuring kageyama || oikawa || akaashi || kenma || atsumu ♡

+ i got other stuff ready to post promise, i just needed this out there +

KING OF MY HEART

"and we rule the kingdom inside my room, 'cause all the boys and their expensive cars... never took me quite where you do and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for, king of my heart, body and soul"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

it's not easy moving on. you'd been scorned before, and had your heart broken. it wasn't a secret to know you'd been on guard, had your heart under lock and key. created a tall, ivory tower that you made sure no one else would think of scaling. that was before you mer him. it was implausibly easy. how everything fell into place when you were just within his vicinity. maybe being hurt wasn't so bad, because if you didn't face them, they wouldn't have led you to him, here and now. he wasn't just the king of the court anymore, another invisible crown bestowed onto him as he climbed; holding the key to you.

- kageyama ♡

LOVER

"i take this magnetic force of a man to be my... my hearts been borrowed and yours has been blue, alls well that ends well to end up with you, swear to be overdramatic and true to my... lover"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you knew he was a star, anyone with eyes could see. he was destined for great things, and you were a planet following, orbiting around his sun. you'd always follow, for as long as he wanted. your greatest pleasure though was with the mundane. you'd take the stardom, the fame... but you lived for the monotonous. where it was just you and him. you hoped it would last forever. hand in hand, nothing would stop you. whether it was cheering for him on the sidelines, or laying beside him at night, you'd love him for eternity.

- oikawa ♡

GORGEOUS

"ocean blue eyes, looking in mine, i feel like i might sink and drown and die, you're so gorgeous i can't say anything to your face, cause look at your face; gorgeous"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

starstruck, awestruck, wonderstruck. any and every 'struck' you could think of, and thats the feelings that grew the moment you locked eyes on him. it was such a cliche, a crowded room with a bunch of other bodies, and yet you seemed to naturally gravitate towards him. love at first sight. a concept so wildly unbelievable and yet so captivating, that the most famous love story revolved around it. yet here you were, stunned into silence, because this was what you were experiencing now. completely out of your comfort zone, never had anyone ever made you feel like this before; but what could you say? he's gorgeous.

- akaashi ♡

YOU BELONG WITH ME

"i'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry, i know your favourite songs and you tell me about your dreams, think i know where you belong, think i know it's with me"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

it's not easy being in love with your best friend. you knew practically everything about him. so why was he with her when you were always in his corner from the beginning? the late night gaming sessions and text messages. she just wasn't good for him. she didn't understand him like you did, and his calls and conversations all but proved how much better you could be for him. so why? you didn't need to ponder long, because soon enough he was at your doorstep late into the night, confessing how it was a mistake, how he ended things with her and if he could come inside to talk.

- kenma ♡

CRUEL SUMMER

"and i snuck in through the garden gate, every night that summer just to seal my fate, and i scream for whatever it's worth 'i love you! aint that the worst thing you ever heard?' he looks up grinning like a devil"

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you had heard about him. heard about how he wasn't good enough for you, and that you shouldn't get involved. you never were a good listener, and soon enough you became involved with him. despite the little voice in your head telling you to let go, you couldn't. it wasn't supposed to be forever, and you were okay with that. initially anyway. catching feelings for something that would end in disaster... but you couldn't end it. not yet. just how deep did you dive into whatever this was? you couldn't pinpoint when it went south, but did that matter? you were too far gone. the anticipation grew the longer this lasted, and in a bout of stress, you blurted out your confession. not your finest moment, and you were sure he'd shun you for good. turn his back on you and walk away, leaving you to mend your broken heart. he didn't though. he just stood there, with his stupid smirk that made you fall for him to begin with, confessing the same words you all but screamed at him moments ago.

- atsumu ♡

[uriwoos2]

How Leehan would ask their crush out and omg the rest of the members being his wingman (esp Taesan)

thank you sm for this cute little req! I'm giggling and kicking my feet over the scenario already hehe! (´,,>ω<,,`) ♡

˗ˏˋwingman bnd headcanons! pairing: leehan x gn!reader. overview: leehan has a crush and goes to his friends for advice! genre: fluff, crack (kinda) word count: 2.9k warnings: none. ♡ note: not very confident abt this one.. not sure if this is exactly what u wanted but agghhh here it is! (sorry for the wait btw!) chose to write this only w legal line, so there's no woonhak (as they're in university). hope you enjoy dear <3 likes & reblogs r very appreciated ! . . . @onedoornet

𐚁๋࣭⭑ okay firstly, imagining leehan with a crush is the cutest thing! it first started out as slight interest, after he saw the person across the campus a couple of times. his eyes kept meeting theirs and it just made his heartbeat all rapid and weird. and before he knew it, he was thinking about them before bed each night, making up silly scenarios, and looking forward to seeing them in the daytime. he'd be such a cutie in love ( ᴗ ̫ ᴗ )

𐚁๋࣭⭑ he went on like this for a while, thought he'd be fine with just catching glimpses of his crush in the hallways, daydreaming about them and simply admiring them from afar.. but he became more smitten by the day, the ache in his heart only grew and he didn't know what to do with these feelings anymore, eager to know their name, and to turn the made-up scenarios into reality.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ but the problem was that he just didn't know what to do! being inexperienced when it comes to crushes and confessions, he felt so lost :( even though he's generally pretty confident, he didn't feel the same when he thought of the person. he wanted to impress them!! and he felt as tho he had to try extra hard to do that. still, he has no idea what to do..

𐚁๋࣭⭑ but what does he have his dear friends for?! I think it's logical that he'd go to the one he's closest to first, taesan in this case, to share his troubles with him and ask for advice! knowing he would never expose his little secret, and under no circumstance would he judge him for it either ofc!!

𐚁๋࣭⭑ but somehow, it just so happens that everyone else in their little group miraculously knows about his debilitating crush. (riwoo caught on pretty quick, then jaehyun coaxed it out of him just to go announce it to sungho) so.. a group meeting it is! ٩̋(ˊ•͈ ꇴ •͈ˋ)و an emergency one too! *boynextdoor assemble* hehe

like just imagine them sitting around this exact table discussing ways for ihan to get his crush to like him back. I'm not okay 😭😭

𐚁๋࣭⭑ so back to the serious business.. we have leehan all deep in his feels abt how much it hurts to long for this person he doesn't even know, almost on the verge of crying as he speaks.. while jaehyun has tears in his eyes from holding in his laugh for so long.. what a pure menace. unable to sit still for like 10 minutes, gosh… he actually just thinks leehan is adorable and ridiculous at the same time, finding the situation quite silly. he thinks leehan should muster up the courage and just ask them out, rather than crushing on them secretly.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ he'll eventually burst into a hearty cackle at a random moment, which will inevitably earn him a stern look from sungho, urging him to shush up and listen. I can't w these guys srsly..

𐚁๋࣭⭑ now, sungho.. he's so into the story, he's already plotting his scheme and thinking of ways to help out the poor guy. since he remembers seeing this person in some of his classes, he plans to observe them silently, in hopes of gathering some useful information. he even proposes the idea of slipping secret love letters into their bag.. ૮ ⇀‸ ⍝ა (this will have jaehyun snickering and riwoo shaking his head disapprovingly) he's just channelling his inner superspy, let him be u guys. 😭

𐚁๋࣭⭑ he'll desperately try not to come off as a stalker, but someone needs to tell this man that, unfortunately, the sheer size of his broad shoulders really limits the amount of potential hiding places...

𐚁๋࣭⭑ anyway.. so, taesan. he is the one that listens the most intently and quietly, soaking up all the information. considering that leehan's been holding all of this in for so long, he'd need to express his feelings openly, he'd need someone to listen well. (it's why he went to dongmin in the first place) and he does indeed fit this position perfectly!

𐚁๋࣭⭑ he's not one to say much in the moment, just waits for him to let it all out. (but it's also cuz he has absolutely no idea who leehan's talking about and doesn't have anything to say.. 😭😭) so he's just there for moral support (for now!)..

𐚁๋࣭⭑ moving on to the most thoughtful one of the bunch, who's softly stroking leehan's back as he sniffles and hiccups through his confession.. riwoo! who will be responsible for arranging a lunch date! ✩ a role which he assigned to himself. haha. since everyone meets up to have lunch together on most days anyway, riwoo thought it'd be a good idea to invite leehan's crush along sometime!

𐚁๋࣭⭑ now let me tell you abt the silence that settles around the whole table at this statement. it would have them speechless. cuz. that's a bold statement sanghyeok!! very good.. very nice.. we're making some real progress here! *cough* jaehyun *cough* sungho.. but the question is.. how do they invite the person without it being weird?..

𐚁๋࣭⭑ fear not! bcuz riwoo has a solution for that too LOL 😭😭 riwoo, surprisingly, got to strike up a conversation with this person somehow, and bond over their favourite desserts in the single class they shared.. an interesting way to make a friend, but leehan doesn't care abt that rn!! riwoo can actually get him a date w them!!! ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝ his heart is yippee-ing so hard rn. u don't even know…

𐚁๋࣭⭑ and just like that, they'd end up at a cafe near their uni, sat and waiting.. and waiting… (jaehyun) calling riwoo a liar, yada yada. leehan is busy hyperventilating and fidgeting from the nerves, even though he himself isn't sure if he'll actually get to see his crush today.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ taesan, despite being unsure as well, still gives him an encouraging pat on his leg, just in case. none of them believe that the person will show, even sungho is doubtful, scrolling on his phone mindlessly. but riwoo, who organised this whole thing, is relaxed, and unprovoked by jaehyun's remarks.. that's why he's the only one who actually helps ihan calm down, telling him he'll do just fine in a reassuring voice <3

𐚁๋࣭⭑ imagine the surprise on all their faces when the person actually shows up.. and boom! leehan's heart drops to his stomach. in contrast, there's a smug look on riwoo's proud face hehehe. Ꮚ˘ ꈊ ˘ Ꮚ he's a man of his word after all!

𐚁๋࣭⭑ but there's more. taesan's eyes go wide partly bcuz the person actually showed up, and mostly cuz he's actually friends w them 😭 no because.. this is too hilarious, picturing leehan's dumbfounded expression when he drops this enormous bomb on him.. *insert jaehyun losing his mind giggling in the corner abt this whole thing* taesan is friends with his crush??? this information would've been useful like, at least 20 minutes ago.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ anyway, taesan won't disappoint any further though! he'll introduce leehan to them himself and try and get the two comfortable w each other. he'll actually be doing the most! you can imagine how awkward first meetings can be, but taesan is determined to eliminate all of that awkwardness and get them talking!! he's on a mission! ₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎⊹ hehe

𐚁๋࣭⭑ he'll keep going on about his awesome best friend, telling stories and complimenting him nonstop. he'll never ever! bring up an embarrassing story either, he's a true friend hehe! not just then, but any chance he gets after their little lunch date, he'll be insufferable w his praise! he's just super passionate abt helping ihan successfully woo his future partner ^^ (he's sure they'll end up together) and he finds them to be a perfect match too! so, he's trying his best to get them to like him back!! what a sweetheart <3

𐚁๋࣭⭑ as soon as their date comes to an end, expect leehan to be all over taesan interrogating and bombarding him with endless questions. but he's more than willing to answer them! thanks to TS, leehan will have all the basic info abt the person, their interests, their favourite artists, their hobbies, who they're friends with, places they like to hang out and such.. what a helpful guy!

𐚁๋࣭⭑ he's kind enough to even relay some messages to the person, about how leehan said it'd be nice for them to come have lunch with all of them again.. and he obviously exaggerates, complimenting them in leehan’s stead. he's a sneaky kitty! ( ˊᵕˋ ; ) hehe but he doesn't go overboard ofc!

𐚁๋࣭⭑ donghyun's crush tagging along their lunch dates becomes a regular occurrence at some point, as they gradually warm up to one another. leehan's heart could burst at the tiny interactions they share. everyone keeps nudging leehan to talk to them, and to finally ask them out, saying it's not that serious, that it's just a date. but it is that serious for poor ihan, when his heart is about to jump out of his chest at the mere thought of his crush. he wouldn't know how to handle it if the two of them were to be left alone. he's so in love gosh.. ｡ ˚. ૮Ꮚ ´͈ ⁄⁄`͈꒱ა

𐚁๋࣭⭑ they would all encourage him to take the next step in their own ways! taesan would try and talk him into it, while riwoo would take a more straightforward approach, and save seats for leehan to sit next to his crush, just so they can be closer hehe. sungho would randomly go off abt some cool new place that's opened recently, telling leehan to go check it out with him sometime. (the mastermind has a plan!) and jaehyun, I can kinda imagine him spilling a little bit of his drink (supposedly) accidentally on leehan's crush, just so leehan can have an excuse to help them out. tbh ihan would just look at him with a confused/irritated expression, as myungjae winks at him.. he's trying his best okay?

𐚁๋࣭⭑ I can imagine the sneaky smiles the rest of the boys would exchange at the slightest things, like when the two sit close to e/o, or when they touch hands on accident, or at times when they catch leehan staring at his crush with the most obvious heart eyes.. ₍ᐢ⸝⸝› ‹⸝⸝ᐢ₎ they're having sm fun lmao.. but they're also just happy to see their friend finally talk to someone he's liked for soooo long. such cuties <3

𐚁๋࣭⭑ sungho's proposal to go to this new fun place would actually strike interest in leehan's crush so.. it's a date! you've no idea how thrilled everyone would be to finally have leehan take his secret crushing further and go on a date with them!! (well plus sungho..) leehan can't really process what happened.. that sungho just casually got him a date.. well, kind of.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ I can imagine sungho helping leehan get ready for the date as he gives him a pep talk 😭😭 gosh it'd be the most adorable but hilarious thing.. he will help him choose the outfit, and won't stop adjusting his clothes like a worried mom lol. you'd think he's the one that's head over heels in love, with how worried he gets. but that's sungho for you! ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა always so caring when it comes to the others <3 <3

𐚁๋࣭⭑ leehan will literally sit/stand there with a hyper focused expression, taking everything in.. like, he doesn't wanna mess it up, you know! so any piece of advice is welcome. especially when it's coming from his most trusted friend <3 he'll be nodding and listening deep in thought, as sungho gives him pointers on what to do or not to do. an adorable little duo ^^

𐚁๋࣭⭑ …and then there's jaehyun. (bear w me while I push my menace myungjae agenda pls) who just happens to be there, not because he wants to help but just turning up to be a nuisance (again). this boy strikes me as someone that will tease. and tease he will! like, he'll tell him something that'll have leehan full on stressing.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ now look.. he doesn't wanna scare him, but he can't help adding more and more to his joke cuz poor ihan's thoughtful look just brings him sm joy LOL. the way his brows furrow in worry, looking to sungho for reassurance.. ૮ ˊ͈ . ˋ͈ ა only for the oldest to just stand there shaking his head in disapproval at jaehyun’s nonsense.. just a group of sillies.. ♡♡♡

𐚁๋࣭⭑ myungjae will eventually just burst out laughing, and admit to leehan that he's just kidding and that it'll go perfectly fine.. so basically, he would joke around but he'll also genuinely show up for him! it's just his way of showing support hehe

𐚁๋࣭⭑ and then we have taesan and riwoo just sitting there, quietly observing this pure chaos.. the two kitties smile at the jokes and the bickering, entertained by simply listening to their conversations.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ but when the time comes for leehan to set out, they'll be first to rush and give him words of encouragement and wish him good luck! taesan tells him to just be himself and everything will go smoothly, as he drowns him in perfume at the last minute. while riwoo just advises him not to go off abt his fish and it'll be just fine 😭😭 he tells him his looks will do the trick. which, true.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ and sungho... is nowhere to be seen. he must've slipped thru the door when everyone was busy, sly little fox he is. ૮ • ﻌ - ა when leehan takes notice of this he starts panicking, but the others tell him to go, or else he'll be late and that sungho will probably just meet them there.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ hmm.. ihan senses sth suspicious about this whole thing, but he doesn't want to make his crush wait so he complies. right before he leaves jaehyun will pipe in and ask to update them throughout the date, and at this point leehan is abt to combust from overstimulation lol so he just gets out of there.

𐚁๋࣭⭑ but it gets worse! bcuz he only hears from sungho thru text when he's already arrived. he sends him a single message saying: I'm not going, enjoy your date 😘~ you're welcome <3 …oh how leehan wishes he could magically teleport to where he is and give him a piece of his mind..

𐚁๋࣭⭑ sungho's really just doing this bcuz he wishes the best for his friend, but leehan doesn't realize that rn through his drumming heartbeat and the ever increasing urge to leave. he's kinda nervous, ngl. hah... haha . ha... srsly he's abt to pass out guys..

𐚁๋࣭⭑ in the end everything will be fine of course.. there's nothing to worry about, I mean.. it's leehan. he might mention his fishies here and there by accident but that only adds to his charm hehe ૮˃̵֊ ˂̵ ა esp if he stops himself mid sentence after.. telling his crush he's not supposed to talk about fish today 😭😭 they'd find this so cute.. nicknaming him fish boy in their mind cuz of it. I'm gonna sob..

𐚁๋࣭⭑ he's getting more comfortable w them, finding it easier to talk to them and even make jokes! seeing his crush laugh bcuz of sth he said has him melting on the inside.. lovesick baby <3

𐚁๋࣭⭑ and (ik I forgot to mention this oops.. but the date takes place at an arcade, which creates a better environment for the two to have fun and get comfy w e/o!! genius sungho.) he'll try to desperately win one of those plushies for him from those rigged machines, but he'll fail :( but at least he's cute while pouting hehe

𐚁๋࣭⭑ since ihan senses that they seem to get on quite well, he'll consider the idea of asking them out again. I feel like he would be pretty regretful not to have asked them out himself, u know, in a proper way. so he'll muster up all his courage at the end of the date, when he's dropping them off, to actually ask his crush out on his own, like he'd wanted to in the first place!

𐚁๋࣭⭑ he'll just tell them cutely that he likes spending time w them and that he'd love to do something like this again sometime, that he wants to get to know them better!.. and when his crush questions if he's asking them out on a date, he'll just blush and say he is shyly.. ૮ / / / ⍝ა ofc they'll say yes!! again.. it's leehan. have u seen him? also they really enjoyed today's date too, which they'll tell ihan abt and his cheeks are burning up at this point... cuties x

𐚁๋࣭⭑ numbers and shy thank yous will be exchanged. leehan promising to text them about their next date <3 don't u guys think it'll be sweet if they give ihan a quick peck on the cheek? cuz I do. just for the sake of making his heart flutter and see him go shy again.. what a cute sight it'll be gosh :'( <3

𐚁๋࣭⭑ safe to say, leehan goes to bed that day w a glowing ball of light in his chest, heart full and mind replaying moments from the date <3 baby boy's so happy. ૮₍ ˶• ˔ ต ₎ა ♡ he couldn't be happier.. already planning out their next date <3

𐚁๋࣭⭑ oh! almost forgot! he'll just send a simple text to the group chat that the date went well, cuz he's just soo exhausted.. immediately summoning the others w their endless questions smh. but that can wait until morning. also, just know that taesan will be the first to hear abt all the deets the next morning!! hehehe that's it <3

[sweetshelluvaau]

Is it me or does it feel like the show is making everyone in Blitzo's life (minus Fizz and Oz. for now at least) hate him/think little of him all because the show seems to have a hate boner and likes to victim blame him? It even feels as if it's written as every one in IMP even hates him now and it's kinda gross honestly considering that for all the reasons for people to be upset at Blitzo for, and for good reasons: him 'wornging' Stolas is not one of them.

Also it feels like the show just wants to beat down Blitzo until he reaches his breaking point and then breaks him down more and more and I'm sorry if the show is about wanting Blitzo grow as a person that's not how you get there.

People get better and change when they're being lifted up not beaten down. Not saying you shouldn't call out Blitzo's behavior, you should he's an asshole at times but he's already a self destructive mess and knows it. And even for all that dickwardry, he does CARE and the show SHOWS us that supposed to TELLING us like they're doing with Stolas when we've seen him do nothing but guilt trip, manipulate and treat those lower than him like shit. He even negligent his own daughter.

Blitzo cares. He cares about his employees, his friends, his family and in a sad way, even for Stolas though not in a romantic way more than he's trying to keep him 'happy' so he doesn't lose his business and livelihood. If he didn't care he wouldn't have gone through all the work in 'spicing up' their sex lives.

So why is the show making it seem like Blitzo is in the wrong for sharing how he feels yet has every right to feel as frustrated and used as he does. But no, he's a monster because he made the creator pet cry.

Srsly fuck you Viviziepop.

(on a less ranty note: I have to give credit where credit is due that Brandon Rogers can act! No matter how bad the emotional moments are written at times (which is most), he still sells it.)

[fairytsuk1]

Aftercare with alex tho??

aftercare with alex

he is literally so so sweet like this is why you fell in love with him bcuz HE IS GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU. it doesn't matter if he just ate you out within an inch of your life or absolutely blew your back out srsly

he is so tender with you. he pulls out carefully, not wanting to hurt you as he rushes to pull his boxers on and clean you up. you whine for him, "just a second, baby. i'm here!"

the way he wipes your pussy with such gentleness and pecking your bare skin, "such a pretty pussy."

"alex..." you blush, twitching when he pecks your mound, "you're so goofy."

"oh, please," he scoffs playfully, grabbing a water bottle for a sip, "i literally just fucked you so good; you like when i'm goofy!"

he pauses, "and you like this goofy dick."

he leaves you in a fit of giggles. it was always so fun being with alex.

his hand cups your chin as he helps you drink. everything about him is so assuaging i'm gonna start crying ... just imagining him getting you a snack if you asked (and one for himself tbh he's hungry hehe) and the two of you just enjoying the post-coital bliss together.

he wouldn't fall asleep immediately but he's def pretty tired. you can tell by his sleepy eyes and drooping head, the two of you are tangle of limbs and an echo of soft snores together.

[asherraccoon]

Dysphoric- Radioapple- Hurt/comfort, fluff, bit of angst- Trans Lucifer AU, Human AU, College AU

(Monthly period oneshot!!) (Love projecting onto canonically male characters as a trans guy 😋)

(Srsly tho, I get so fucking dysphoric on my periods it sucks 😭)

Lucifer curled up in a ball on his bed. He was in a lot of pain. Right now his cramps were absolutely killing him and making him wish he was dead. He hated his body. It wasn't helping that he had slept in his binder and his chest was hurting. He was too dysphoric right now to take it off, though. He heard the dorm door open and then footsteps coming towards his room. 

Alastor entered the room. “Hey,” he said. 

“Mmh,” Lucifer hummed to acknowledge Alastor. 

Alastor set down his backpack by his bed on the other side of the room. He looked over at Lucifer. “Are you ok?” He asked, noticing Lucifer's pained expression and body language. 

“No,” Lucifer mumbled. “Hurts…” his voice was starting to tremble. 

Then Alastor realized the situation. “Oh…” he walked over and crouched by Lucifer's bed. “Is it..?” 

Lucifer nodded. 

Alastor gently brushed Lucifer's hair out of his face with his hand. “Are you wearing your binder?” He asked. 

Lucifer looked away. “No…” he lied. 

“Luce,” Alastor sighed. 

“I don't wanna take it off,” Lucifer mumbled. 

“I know, love, but it's only making the pain worse,” Alastor said softly. “You're also not supposed to be wearing it while you sleep,” 

Lucifer whined. 

“Are you wearing boxers or briefs right now?” Alastor asked. 

“Briefs,” Lucifer responded honestly. 

“Good. Pad?” 

Lucifer nodded. “Yeah,” 

“Good boy,” Alastor smiled softly and ran his hand through Lucifer's hair. 

Lucifer blushed lightly. “Do I have to take my binder off?” He asked. 

“Yes,” Alastor said. “I know you hate how you look without it, but it's important,” Alastor said. “I'll let you borrow one of my shirts so your chest is easier to hide, alright?” 

“Okay…” Lucifer mumbled. He slowly sat up and pulled his shirt off so he could remove his binder. 

Alastor went into his closet to grab a shirt for Lucifer to borrow. He found one that was softer and comfier than his other shirts and went over to Lucifer.

Lucifer held his shirt over his chest and had his eyes closed. He really really hated his chest. He looked like he wanted to cry. 

“Hey,” Alastor sat down next to him and offered the shirt to him. It hurt to see Lucifer so upset and distressed. 

Lucifer took the shirt from Alastor. “Thanks…” 

Alastor turned away so Lucifer could put it on. 

Lucifer closed his eyes again and dropped the shirt he was holding to his chest. He quickly put Alastor's shirt on and let out a breath. “You can look now,” he hugged his knees. 

Alastor turned towards Lucifer again. He took Lucifer's discarded shirt and binder. “I'm going to put these in the wash, alright? Be right back,” 

Lucifer nodded and watched Alastor leave. He lay down on his side and curled up in a ball again. He could feel the fat on his chest and he absolutely despised it. He was also having extreme pain in his abdomen. He started to cry. 

Alastor came back to his partner crying. “Hey, what's going on?” Alastor asked softly, crouching by Lucifer again and cupping his cheek. He gently wiped away Lucifer's tears with his thumb. 

“Hate this…” he whispered. 

“I know, baby, it sucks,” Alastor gazed at Lucifer sympathetically. He gently kissed Lucifer's forehead. “Can I get you anything? Are you hungry at all?” 

Lucifer shook his head. “Not hungry,” 

“I still want you to eat. How about just some chocolate and crackers, yeah?” Alastor offered. 

“Okay,” Lucifer mumbled. 

“Want me to heat up one of your plushies, too?” Alastor asked. 

“Yes please,” Lucifer nodded. 

“Which one? Deer or Fred?” Alastor asked. 

Lucifer had two weighted, heatable plushies. A duck named Fred, which he had since he was 15, and a deer named Deer, a gift from Alastor. He thought about it for a minute. “Deer, please,” 

Alastor nodded. He softly kissed Lucifer's forehead again. “Of course, my prince,” 

Lucifer's heart fluttered at the pet name. He loved being called that by Alastor. But he loved most of the compliments and nicknames Alastor gave him. 

Alastor picked up the deer plush from Lucifer's bed and went to the dorm's kitchen. 

-----------------

Lucifer took Deer from Alastor's hands when offered. He hugged it tightly to his abdomen.

Alastor placed a bag of chocolates, crackers, and a cup of tea on the nightstand next to Lucifer's bed. 

“Al?” Lucifer mumbled. 

“Yes, my darling?” Alastor replied. 

“Can we please cuddle?” Lucifer asked, his voice breaking a little. 

Alastor's heart broke. Lucifer was desperate for comfort. Who was he to deny him that? “Of course, my sweet boy,” Alastor said. He got in bed next to Lucifer and then pulled him close. 

Lucifer leaned into Alastor. His back against Alastor's chest and his head under his chin, basically in his lap. He held Deer on his cramps. “I wish I was a boy,” Lucifer said quietly. 

“Baby, you are a boy,” Alastor said gently. 

“I don't feel like one,” Lucifer said, starting to cry again. 

“My handsome boy,” Alastor lightly squeezed Lucifer and kissed his head. “You'll always be a boy no matter what,” he said reassuringly. “I know your body feels wrong and you hate that, but your anatomy doesn't make you any less of a man,” 

Lucifer wiped his eyes. “I wish I was like you,” Lucifer whispered. 

Alastor squeezed Lucifer tightly. “Darling,” he said quietly. He hated when his boyfriend got so dysphoric like this. He loosened his hug. He cupped Lucifer's face and tilted it up. He placed soft kisses across Lucifer's face. His nose, cheeks, forehead, and then his lips. “You will always be valid, Lucifer,” Alastor said to him. “I will always love and and support you no matter what,” 

Lucifer sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I just wanna be a normal guy… I don't wanna be trans…” he sobbed. “I-I'm s-sorry…” he apologized. 

Alastor hugged Lucifer tight, his face resting in Lucifer's blonde hair. “My sweet, beautiful, handsome prince…” Alastor mumbled. “You know you are a real boy, right?” 

Lucifer let out a small sob. He didn't answer. 

“Love,” Alastor gently rubbed his thumbs over Lucifer's cheeks. “It hurts to see you like this, my love…” 

Lucifer fidgeted with the antlers on his plushie. He sniffled. 

Alastor took a chocolate out of the bag on the nightstand. “Here,” he offered it to Lucifer. “It'll help you feel better,” 

Lucifer took the chocolate and took the wrapping off. He put it in his mouth and chewed it slowly. 

Alastor took the wrapper from him and put it on the stand. He put his hands on Lucifer's hips and gently massaged the area his cramps were at. 

Lucifer let out a soft moan at the sudden rubbing, not expecting it. He sighed quietly and leaned into Alastor. All of Alastor's soft affections and love was making him feel a bit better. “You really think I'm handsome?” He asked. 

“Very,” Alastor said, smiling at Lucifer. “The handsomest boy ever,” he kissed Lucifer's head. “Never forget that, my prince,” 

Lucifer looked up at Alastor lovingly. “You make me feel safe,” he said quietly. 

Alastor's eyes softened. “I'm glad,” he hugged Lucifer tightly. 

“Al?” 

“Hm?”

“Do you think I'm ever gonna be able to get surgery?” Lucifer asked. 

“I do,” Alastor kissed Lucifer's forehead. “I'm going to help you pay for it,” he said. 

Lucifer's eyes widened. “What? You're serious?” 

Alastor nodded. 

“What!? No! Alastor I can't ask you to-” 

Alastor shut him up with a kiss. “Calm down, my sweet prince. I'm going to help you because I want to. You mean the world to me. I want you to feel comfortable in your body. And if that means helping you get surgery, then I'm more than happy to do so,” 

Lucifer started to cry again. “I-I don't deserve you…” he whispered. 

“Aww, baby,” Alastor hugged Lucifer close. 

Lucifer turned to cry into Alastor's shoulder and hugged him back. “I love y-you…” 

“I love you too, my handsome boy,” 

(Here's your guys' break from angst, stop complaining/j)

(BTW this is based on this thingy I found and thought was rlly cute :3)