#so sam attempts to mold himself into a normal shape stuff his self into a cardboard cutout of what he THINKS is correct
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literally don't listen to the oh hellos valley album if thinking about sam winchester makes u feel anything because those songs are so fucking samcoded it'll tear ur heart out
#listening to second child restless child like 😐😶#IN MEMORIAM BUT INSTEAD OF A SON RETURNING TO A FATHER.#it's well. you know.#I actually related some of them to cas but those two are like 🤞#WISHING WELL??? OUGHHHH#i made mistakes do i even need to delve#that entire album can go into a Sam playlist unedited#if u can't tell I'm currently crying listening to this album ATM#i don't talk about sam enough but if i cared about him less i could talk about him more#but srsly the thing about sam and cas is that they do both want salvation. some forgiveness.#assurance that they're not some broken evil thing meant for nothing more than proving time and time again that that's all they'll ever be#and that assurance hinges on dean wayyyyy too much but that's another conversation#monstrous. other. that's THEM and they ache with want to repent but. how can u repent unless u change?#so sam attempts to mold himself into a normal shape stuff his self into a cardboard cutout of what he THINKS is correct#and we know cas is like is a drawing is done and then someone hit the erase all button over and over#but once he escapes the lobotomies he is still trying to be something else to some extent. he couldn't be a good angel#so he tries to be a good human but he can't even achieve that much so he's left looking in from the outside and#tells himself it's not that cold out anyway that this suits him better#does dean know why cas lingers at the doorway. does he know that sam is scraping at his walls fit to burst.#anyway the whole world would benefit from a more fleshed out sastiel relationship regardless of what kind#im in my feelings rn sorry for spn posting do u still think im hot :/#cee's bullshit
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