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spine-buster · 2 years

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To Sail Beyond the Sunset ft. Sidney Crosby | Chapter 3

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A/N: very long flashback scenes in this one...

Okay. June was acting suspicious.

There were so many classes where she had to stay late now. There were so many “extra lessons”. Sid understood that they’d all just had their auditions and they wanted to perfect everything, but it was all still…well, suspicious. June had always been clear from the start with her girls and their parents about how she valued school, sleep, social time, and the girls living normal lives outside of dance, so it was weird to him that, all of the sudden, she was taking on extra lessons that went later than normal. June had those rules and worked that way because she hardly got those things when she was growing up and going through dance.

Sidney kept telling himself that June had never lied to him before; she’d always been honest and upfront about everything. That’s how their relationship was, how it had always been. He had zero reason to think she was lying. That is, until he thought about how principled she was in not having ballet take over someone’s life like it took over hers. So, to Sid, it was very weird of her to suddenly back out of that principle.

June never lied to him. However, she did lie to others. Most notably Miss Hockley. Well, she lied to Miss Hockley once, and Sidney didn’t think it ever happened again.

1999.

When it was apparent that June was miles ahead of the other girls in dance class, and that nobody could be at her level, Miss Hockley searched for a better, more classically trained former ballerina or ballet-company-adjacent teacher to instruct her daughter and make her the best. Choices were few and far in between in Atlantic Canada, let alone Halifax, but Miss Hockley found her person: enter Yulia Nikolaev, a Russian-American former first soloist at the American Ballet Theatre who had married rich before her husband died and she retired to Halifax. She ran very small, very intense, and very exclusive ballet classes in Halifax. After June’s audition with her, to see if Yulia would even take her on, Yulia approached Miss Hockley. “With me,” she said, “your daughter will be the next great prima ballerina.”

Yulia was intense. Yulia demanded the best. Yulia demanded results, and Yulia got results. With Yulia, it was ballet 24/7. It was investing your entire life into ballet – your time, energy, resources, money, everything. “When you invest, you become the best,” she’d constantly say to June. Miss Hockley was practically foaming at the mouth. She loved it; she loved the methods Yulia used and the demands she had of her students. They were on the same page about most things, including training, technique, hours put in, and more. It was all worth it when Miss Hockley could see June rise to the top of Yulia’s small, exclusive class too. Within a year, June was – once again – miles ahead of everybody else. Her turns were exquisite, her balance to die for, her technique was as if she’d been dancing for ten years.

Yulia even made each of her students and parents sign a contract that outlined rules and expectations. A certain number of hours per week. Pointe shoes would be provided. No tardiness for class. No performing or auditioning for other studios. No competitions unless Yulia entered you. No short hair. No extravagant nails.

No ice skating.

But that didn’t stop Sidney and June.

It had to be done in secret, of course. Both were very well aware of the rule in the contract June and her mom signed. Hell, even Troy and Trina were made aware of it thanks to Miss Hockley. “June is not allowed to skate. She can’t go skating with Sid. Do not let her skate.” It was in there because skating could always cause injury, especially to the ankles, and strong ankles were a ballerina’s best friend. June couldn’t remember the last time she skated, because so much of her time was dedicated to dance. She must have been four of five the last time it happened, and it must have been on a school field trip or something. She remembered Sid being able to skate circles around all the other kids because his parents had already started him in hockey, and he’d been out on the ice with his dad, too. When June would be able to go to his games at local arenas, she was always amazed at how fluid he was on the ice and how he made it look so easy. She’d definitely embarrass herself now, but even then, she could never really embarrass herself in front of Sid.

Sidney had hidden the extra pair of skates in his bag. They were his from a few years ago that he’d outgrown, that his parents were keeping in case his new baby sister Taylor ever took up hockey, too. They were walking to the local rink together, their feet moving faster than normal. “Are you excited?” Sidney asked.

June nodded, her scarf and toque covering half her face. “I don’t know how to put them on, though.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you with that,” he said confidently. “I think you’ll be great because you have really good balance.”

“I hope so,” June lamented. “I don’t want to be falling on my butt the entire time.”

When they got to the arena, just in time for the opening of the public skating hours, Sid took June near the side where the benches were to put on her skates. She watched as he shoved her foot in them, tightening up the laces and tying them tight. So many people said hi to Sidney – regulars at the arena, no doubt – and he greeted them all politely. June even watched as some of the local boys – boys who played on opposing teams – saw him and looked like they were going to say something, but when they saw her, it shut them up. She glared at all of them, knowing exactly the kinds of things they were saying and doing to Sid on and off the ice. If it were up to her, she’d deck each and every single one of them.

“Okay, you’re ready,” Sidney announced as he finished tying her skates. “Stand up on them and get used to it while I put on mine. It won’t take long.”

June did as she was told, holding her arms out to help balance at first, but she got used to the feeling after a few seconds. Sidney was putting on his skates at rapid speed. “You have to make sure I don’t get hurt,” she said, her nerves getting the best of her. She was excited to do this, but knew of the dangers.

“I promise,” Sidney said, not even looking at her. “You can hold on to me the entire time if you want.”

“I might have to if I’m not as good as you.”

“That’s okay,” he said. “It’s not rocket science, Junebug. All you’ve gotta do is try to glide. That’s it.”

She gulped when he stood in his skates. “Ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

A couple more people said hello to Sid as he and June made their way to the rink door. There were already a lot of families out on the ice, but when Sid stepped on the ice, a majority of their heads turned his way. June could see them all. She got nervous. “Come on, Junebug. I promise it won’t be bad. Step sideways onto the ice, like this,” he showed her with his foot.

June knew she had to overcome her fear, so she took a deep breath and stepped out onto the ice. Sidney held out his hands and she grabbed them instinctively. “How does it feel?” he asked.

“Slippery.”

He laughed. “Just go like this,” he said, letting go of her and showing her what she had to do with his feet. “You can hang on to me until you get the hang of it.”

She did what she saw. Bend her knees, lift off with one foot, and then switch to the other. In no time at all, she found herself skating – not like Sid, of course, but at least she was moving on the ice. “Ha!” she let out enthusiastically. “Look at me! I’m skating!”

“Come catch me, June!”

Sid and June skated for the full public skating hours. They skated until most of the other families packed it up and left. June didn’t think she’d ever had this much fun in her entire life. She never went as fast as Sid but she didn’t have to; with them playing games and doing their laps around the ice, June was having the time of her life catching him, crashing into him, and so much more. She didn’t think the smiles on hers or Sidney’s faces ever left, and they were in a constant state of laugher and giggles. A part of her wondered if skating was always this fun, and if it was this fun for others, too. She felt like she missed out on so much never skating, especially in Halifax, especially in Canada, especially in the winter. She was sure her cheeks were a rosy red from her smiling and giggling.

“I’m coming! Watch out!” she screamed as she hurled herself towards Sidney.

Sid caught her in his arms and laughed his brains out at the noise she made when she crashed into him. He couldn’t even keep track of how many times she’d done so. He really needed to teach her how to stop. “Junebug, how about—”

“GET OFF THE ICE NOW!!!!!”

The voice was deep and guttural, unlike anything Sidney or June had heard before. Still holding on to each other, they whipped their heads towards the rink door, only to see Miss Hockley standing in her winter jacket. Her face was red with rage, her eyes wide as she stared daggers at her daughter on the ice. Sidney watched as all the colour drained from June’s face as she realized who it was. “Oh no,” she whispered, her voice full of fear.

“Junebug—”

“—She’s going to kill me.”

“No she won’t.”

“NOW, JUNIPER!!!”

“I got this,” Sidney whispered back to her.

“Sid—”

“—I got this Junebug, don’t worry,” he assured her once more before they let go of each other slightly. Sidney started to skate and he held June’s hand, pulling her with him as he moved. As he got closer, he could really see how livid Miss Hockley was. He took a deep breath. He didn’t even know what he was going to say, but he knew he was going to take the fall for it.

“This is what you call studying for your math test, huh?!” Miss Hockley demanded to June once they were in earshot. “You filthy little liar.”

“Mom—”

“—It’s my fault, Miss Hockley,” Sid intervened, squeezing on June’s hand to try to signal to her to stay quiet. “We were studying, but then I wanted to take a break, and—and—and I was the one who suggested skating and—”

“I don’t want to hear it, Sidney,” Miss Hockley dismissed him, grabbing June by her other arm and tugging her so harshly she tripped up on the platform and almost fell. “June knows she’s not allowed to skate and she did anyway,” she said before looking down at her daughter. “After everything I do for you,” she laid the guilt on quickly. The tears had already started welling up in June’s eyes. “After everything I do for you to be in dance classes, you lie to me and go skating?! Don’t you realize I’m working at the supermarket for you?! For your dance classes?!—”

“—Mommy, I swear—”

“—You’re a little liar and a cheat—”

“—Mom, I’m sorry—”

“—You just wait until we get home,” Miss Hockley’s voice was so hostile and nasty, even Sidney felt threatened. “Now take those God forsaken skates off your feet.”

Miss Hockley practically dragged June through the arena and towards the benches as she cried. Sidney got off the ice and followed them, not wanting June to think she was alone. She cried as she unlaced the skates, cried as she pulled them off her feet, cried as on-lookers watched the scene. She was so embarrassed. She’d been having so much fun, and then it all came crashing down.

“Miss Hockley, I swear that it was my fault,” Sidney tried to continue as June unlaced the second skate. “If you’re going to be angry at anybody, you can be angry at me. I made June skate. I don’t think she should get in trouble for something I made her do.”

“Juniper knows exactly what she can and can’t do. She signed a contract and she knows that she can’t skate. I don’t care how much you made her do it, Sidney – Juniper knows she is not allowed to skate. She made the decision to do it and now there’s going to be consequences.”

“But Miss Hockley—”

“—I’ll be calling your mom and dad about this too, don’t you worry,” she said, picking up the skates and tossing them in his bag without any care. “If you ever help June lie again—”

“—You’re not listening to me!” Sidney exclaimed, surprising even himself with his anger towards Miss Hockley. “It was me! It was all me!”

“Enough, Sidney,” Miss Hockley dismissed him as she tugged June up once she had her boots on and dragged her out of the arena.

Sidney was too shocked to move. He hadn’t even taken off his skates, so there was no way he could follow them out and to the parking lot to their car or if they walked along the sidewalk. All he could do was hope for the best, and ignore all the eyes watching him. ***

Sidney was waiting to be tucked into bed when he heard his mom speaking to someone on the phone. The person on the other end of the receiver was speaking so loudly that Sidney could hear their voice, though he couldn’t make out the words. His mom, pacing around the house, was saying variances of “Mhmm” and “Yes” and “Okay” through whatever the other person was saying.

“Alright…alright….yes, we’ll talk to him about it…well no…no, she was safe. Sidney would have never let her fall.”

Sidney knew automatically then than Miss Hockley was on the other line. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he tried to listen more to what his mom was saying. “No, I won’t be grounding him. Troy and I will be talking to him, don’t worry…She’s been grounded?…One week of no TV? I think that’s more than enough…okay…okay…yes, goodnight.”

Sidney waited with baited breath until he heard his mom knock softly on his door. “Come in,” he said.

His mom opened the door, and upon seeing him already in bed, smiled. She closed the door half way before walking over to his bed and sitting on the edge. “A little birdy told me you went on a field trip today,” Trina said, her voice not nearly as serious as Sidney thought it would be.

He nodded his head. “I took June skating. She’d never been skating before.”

“Never?”

“She’s not allowed to because it’s in her dance contract that she can’t skate,” Sidney said. “But we went during public hours. She was wearing my old skates. We were having so much fun, mom, and she didn’t fall at all! But then somehow Miss Hockley found out, and mom – she screamed at us. I’ve never heard her voice sound like that.”

“She found you out on the ice?”

“Yeah. And so we had to go. June was so nervous. And then when we got to Miss Hockley, she pulled June off the ice and called her a liar and a cheat and—”

“Miss Hockley said that to June?” Trina asked.

Sidney nodded. “I tried to take the blame so June wouldn’t get in trouble but Miss Hockley wouldn’t listen to me. Am…am I in trouble, mom?”

Trina couldn’t help but chuckle slightly, running her hand through her son’s hair. “No Sid, you’re not in trouble,” she assured him. “But you do have to realize that June can’t do some things that you can. It’s just the way things are.”

Sidney sighed. “But it’s unfair for her.”

“I know it is, sweetie,” Trina lamented with him. “But unfortunately, sometimes we live in a not-so-fair world. June has to be really careful because of ballet. I don’t think you would want her to work so hard as she does and then have it all fall away because of a freak accident or something.”

June did work hard. And she was put through so much by her mom and dance teachers that he knew he couldn’t ruin anything for her. Sidney nodded his head. “I get it.”

“Anything else I should know about? Any other places you two went to today?” Trina asked.

“No. Just the rink.”

“Well, alright,” she said, leaning over to give him a quick kiss on the forehead. “Sleep tight, sweetheart.”

Miss Hockley had kept her promise – no TV for June for a week. Instead, she made her train more. And when June went over Sidney’s within that time period, she didn’t watch TV at his house, either. She probably thought her mom was going to burst through the door and check. Sidney even saw the small bruises that were left on June’s forearm from where Miss Hockley had grabbed her and pulled her off the ice before dragging her through the arena. The incident and their relationship were why Sidney thought June would never lie to him. And he was confident in that. Always.

Most of the time.

Usually.

***

June was acting suspicious. But she knew so. And she knew it appeared so to Sidney. When she told him the first time that she had to stay late at work for “extra lessons”, she saw the look on his face. She saw the gears shifting. She saw him struggling with whether to believe her and trust her because he’d never not trusted her before, or whether to get to the bottom of it.

For her part, June knew she didn’t have a lot of time. She knew Sidney would figure it out soon enough.

It’s not like June liked lying to Sid. It just had to be done. She couldn’t tell him anything yet, because she wasn’t sure herself of…well, everything. She knew better than to count her chickens before they hatched. She didn’t do it often, if ever, and when she did, she hated doing it. The only time she lied to him, that she could recollect, was when he asked why she and her fiancé, Cameron Currie, split up.

2015.

“I can’t do this anymore, June,” Cameron finally said, exasperated, tired, unable to fight anymore with his fiancé. They’d been fighting a lot lately – too much – and it all came to a blow tonight, where a small argument blew up into a nuclear war.

“You can’t do what?” June asked.

Cameron stood there, silent. Chest heaving from yelling. Looking at her. Wanting her to realize what he was saying. “This. Us. I can’t do us anymore,” he pointed between them.

With the words being said out loud, any anger that was in June’s body dissipated. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t keep doing this,” he said, trying to keep his words as simple as possible. “I can’t keep pretending you love me as much as you love Sid.”

The words were like daggers to June’s heart. “I—I don’t—”

“We can’t keep kidding ourselves, June. I love you, and you love me. I know that, but—but you’ll never love me the same way you love Sid. You just won’t. We can’t keep going on pretending like you can. I thought I’d get there. I thought it would change. But it hasn’t. And it won’t. And I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.” ***

“You guys what?!” Sidney exclaimed, having a full-body reaction to June’s news. “You and Cameron broke up?!”

June nodded. “Yeah. The wedding’s off.”

Sidney couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Every time he was in Toronto and hung out with June, she always mentioned how good the relationship was and how happy they were together. He’d met Cameron too, of course, and liked him, thinking he was good for June. To hear that they’d split felt like the shock of the century to him. “I don’t—I mean, if you don’t mind me asking Junebug, what happened?”

June sighed and bit her bottom lip. She knew he was going to ask, but there was no way she was going to tell him the truth. No way. “We just…” she began, trying to find the words. “We just grew apart, like people do. There were, um, some things that changed and we just couldn’t work through. And it wasn’t like we didn’t try. We tried for a while and there was just never a resolution.”

June watched for Sidney’s reaction, and judging by his face, he believed her. “I’m so sorry, Junebug.”

“Thanks, Sid,” she said. “We still have love for each other. It’s what we both said. But we both realized, we both came to the conclusion together that we…well, we can’t get married.”

Sidney would come to know the truth soon enough. Either she’d tell him the truth, or he’d find out himself through an investigation on his part. Either way, June knew she’d have to apologize for her lying, apologize for keeping it a secret, apologize for not being honest with him sooner.

And Sidney, with his heart of gold, would forgive her.

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