#> i have to stop tho my hand hurts when i draw digital too much ughgh idk what it is

[waloeders]

cookin smthn for UV btw

i didnt even know they were gonna b a rockstar until i drew this n went. actually. they should.

[lucifers-favorite-pen]

How The Obey Me Brothers Would Do in a “The Forest” AU

Fandom: Obey me

Pairings: None

Warnings: Swearing, idiocy, mild gore

The Forest was just released for the new Oculus headset, and Levi could NOT pass up this opportunity. However, it’s just his luck he got his hands on a cursed copy of the game, and ended up sucking the House of Lamentation into the game! Here’s how our favorite boys faired in the universe of “The Forest”

Lucifer:

Is pissed.

Bitches about it heavily

Is irritated that he has to find and wrangle a digital son now as well as his siblings. 

Would definitely help everyone else build a little shelter before nightfall, but would be grumbling about how much work he has to do at home and how far behind this would put him. 

Doesn’t let MC lift a finger and is 100% a mother hen the whole time. 

Seems inconvenienced by the whole cannibal thing, until he realizes magic doesn’t exist here and he has to use his melee fighting skills to kill them. Skills that are a little rusty...

Teams up with Beel to be the camp dads and take care of everyone

Super paranoid about the stability of the walls and the house at the beginning

Dies from eating a poisonous berry. He didn’t know he could be affected by poison in this game.

Over all, does his best to keep everyone alive, and feels really bad when someone dies. 

No longer feels bad when he learns that the worst thing that happens is you lose all your stuff and you respawn. 

A solid 7/10 job. Probably dies a few times due to someone else being an idiot, but is a pretty good survivalist when push comes to shove. 

Mammon:

Is also pissed

He was in the middle of counting the grimm from his latest modeling gig when he was sucked into the game.

Bitches and moans with/at Lucifer, but tries to build and maintain a shelter.

Who’s Timmy?

I don’t think crows exist in the game, but seagulls do and they all land on his fingers and he makes friends with them.

Is very upset when one of his brothers kills a bird for food or to simply carry around its head as a trophy. 

Sees cannibals and tries to trade with them with the grimm he has in his pockets.

Dies on sight.

Now when he sees or hears cannibals he screams and cowers behind MC 

When they go away or the screaming stops, he stands up straight and dusts off his jacket “Psh, I wasn’t afraid! I was trying to comfort you from behind! YOU were the one afraid”

After a while in the game, he gets his shit together and honestly kinda kills it. 

This is the avatar of greed, you know he is going to gather and horde so many valuable resources and then guard them with his life. 

“Mammon I’m hurt please stop hissing at me and let me have the medicine bottle”

*hiss* “You can have ONE pill and ONE pill only”

Over all, the definition of “They had us in the first half ngl”

8/10 for managing the group’s food and resource stores so well and only dying a fuck ton of times. 

Levi

...oops?

Feels quite guilty, but is also secretly pumped to immerse himself in the game.

Was extremely skilled at this game IRL and tries to explain how it works to everyone else, but they’re all so pissed and no one’s listening.

“That’s fine, who would want to listen to a yucky otaku like me anyway!” 

Magic doesn’t exist here, but that doesn’t stop Levi from yeeting himself into the ocean and turning into a giant sea monster while his brothers complete the game. 

They don’t want his help? They don’t want to know that the cannibals can’t swim and that they’ll be safer if they build a boat and live in a boathouse on the water? Fine. Then Perish <3

That goes for Timmy too, fuck that kid. 

Doesn’t want MC to suffer tho, so he’ll kill a few sharks and throw them up over the wall with his tail. (I’m assuming that if the game is released for Oculus Rift that they will get their shit together and also make sharks edible)

Is having a grand time taking over the ocean. 

Will sometimes go to shore to visit MC. Everyone is confused as to where he has been and how he is thriving. He just smiles and jumps back in the water.

10/10 strats. Never once dies. Tells everyone what they were doing wrong and how they could have had it easier when they beat the game and are back IRL out of spite.

Satan

Angy

Is throwing things in their spots while building the shelter, but is still helping

Spawns in with the book he was reading in his hand.

That book is eventually stolen from his grasp in the night and used as kindling for the fire.

Lucifer explains that if he didn’t steal his book they all would have died. 

Satan does not give a fuck

“Use the kid’s stupid fucking drawings you dipshit!”

“I can’t they’re story items!”

Goes on a rampage and kills so many deer, effectively feeding the group for a week.  

Sees the cannibals for the first time and thinks “same” 

Pretty good fighter and pretty resourceful when it comes to making armor and weapons. 

Outfits MC with the all of his prototypes and tells them to go run at a tree

“How do you feel, MC?”

“Like I ran at a tree with a deer skin on my chest”

“Interesting”

Very upset at the whole no magic thing, but will work with it.

Over all, 7/10 job. Dies a couple times from cannibals and the other monsters, but makes it to the end.

Asmo

Oh dear. 

Oh dear this sweet summer child. 

“Why are we looking for this child when he’s so ugly?”

Is distraught and so very upset this is happening to him. Cries variations of “woe is me” for the first five hours of game play

Does not help build a shelter

Does not help gather food and resources

Does not help period. Only whines. 

Sees cannibals sprinting and jumping towards the shelter and pushes Lucifer in front of him

“Take him! I’m too pretty to die!”

“HEY!”

What follows after the first three days is a slow decent into madness. 

Ends up butt ass naked for the majority of the game because the clothes he spawned in with were ripped to shreds and “No animal skin clothing in this world is good enough to adorn my perfect body”

Starts speaking to the animals and becomes friends with all of them like a Disney Princess. 

The animals come to his aid when he lets out a specific shriek that calls them to his side.

Spends his time weaving flower crowns for MC, his brothers, and his animal friends. 

Everyone knows he’s snapped when Beel brings back the dead body of a cannibal and Asmo dips his dirty little finger into an open wound and wipes the blood on his lips. 

“I just love this shade! Don’t you?” 

5/10 job. Dies multiple times from trying to befriend hostile animals, but also has an army of woodland creatures at his disposal by the end of the game.

Beel

Bro you know this mans is about to make this game his bitch

Spawns in with a cheeseburger.

Eats the cheeseburger.

“I have a son?”

“I HAVE A SON :D”

“Where is my son?”

Honestly the thought of Beel in this game is so sexy like I’m simping so hard rn 

Grab your water skins and buckle up bc it’s about to get thirsty up in here y’all

A shirt? Beel doesn’t know what those are anymore

He crafts one of those shoulder harnesses out of hide and bone and sticks a bone shiv thing on the forearm 

Don’t mess with this demon when his dinner and his family is on the line.

Is not afraid of anything except the death of his loved ones.

Cannibals? Nah, dinner.

Other monsters? Nah, dinner. 

Full shirtless lumberjack mode with Lucifer, and later Mammon, when cutting down trees in the forest. MC is drooling. 

Definitely makes a game out of how many trees they can all chop down before giving up.

Plays knuckle bones with Belphie and MC using real knuckle bones. 

Doesn’t want to share his food with the others but will if they didn’t get anything to eat that day. 

Chef Beel. That’s it that’s the post. 

10/10 job. Only dies once throwing his body over Belphie’s sleeping one to save him. 

Get’s annoyed when he finds out Belphie was fake sleeping

Very sexy. Would watch. 

Belphie

Nah dude no thanks 

Alexa play “Wake Me Up When September Ends”

Alexa play “Billie Jean”

“And the kid is not my son”

Get’s so fucking pissed when he finds out he can’t sleep without everyone else deciding to sleep too so he just lays down with his eyes closed and hopes for the best.

Doesn’t help with anything unless someone asks him to

Even then he’ll roll his eyes like brat and slowly do it

An actual sloth

No like he clings to MC and Beel like a sleepy sloth 100% of the time

He can’t find any cows and is sad so he settles for the local deer instead. 

Fake sleeps through most of the whole thing, paying monster and cannibals alike absolutely no mind. Beel will take care of it.

Freaks the fuck out when Beel dies on top of him and goes into a rage and kills everything in sight. 

Very sweet reunion when he realizes that they just respawn.

No longer pays death any mind and continues fake sleeping. 

0/10. Virtually useless. 

Masterpost

[otomelavenderhaze]

☄️⚖️🎨💧 for may

OH, I was waiting for someone ask those

☄️ Does your OC believe in fate and destiny or do they think it’s a load of garbage? Would they ever get this fortune told? What would a fortune-teller tell them about their future?

May belives it’s a whole much of garbage kkkkkk really. She don’t belive in destiny and fate. Everytime that Rayan brings it up, in any way, she just laugh and jokes it off. After a while tho, I think she started belive a little bit that meeting him wasn’t a coincidence, that perhaps he was right, maybe there was some fate involved in everything that happened with them. 

He would never ask for someone read her fortune, but if some fortune-teller had the chance she would tell her “You’ll get the things you want most, you’ll find a happiness you’ve never enjoyed, but all the way to getting there will be tortuous. It will be an unexpected and full of surprises and you will never get there by your own. Let the hand that you trust the most guide you and not let it go, not even to look back.”

⚖️ What is the biggest crime your OC has committed? Are they a theif, a cheat, a liar? What is the smallest, most petty crime they’ve committed? Or do they not do crime at all?

Pfff, hard to see May commiting any crime. She is really not that type. But she used to lie alot to her parents and her grandparents when she was a teenager. 

She was a very restless and bratty teenager, to the point of being disgusted by various situations, so she did a lot of crazy and irresponsible things back then. She could’ve also stolen something small like convenience store candy and stuff like that, she didn’t have good friendships either.

That changed when she started to want to teach art and study more, more or less when she finished high school things started to change, she grew up and nowadays no one would say she was a wild teen. Nowadays she lives as honestly as possible, she wanted to stop having so many regrets and prove herself, become independent, follow her dreams and such. 

🎨 Is your OC artistic? Can they draw or paint or do they prefer another medium? Are they a writer or musician or do they do something else? Give us a quick run down of what they can get creative with!

I already talked about this, but I think it won’t hurt talk more about it. 

Yes, May loves art. She paint and draw - she have a digital tablet, but she hardly uses it, her favorite medium is watercolor and pencil. Aside from that she loves music too, she can sing, she is not that crazily good about it, but her voice is pretty beautiful, clear and musical. 

She get’s really creative while studing objects, flowers and plants, she loves drawing inanimate things with minimalist details. But when she started to develop feelings for Rayan, she started to want to draw male figures, sketchs really, nothing very detailed or extremely realistic … when they started dating, she started asking him to pose for her, so she started really develop this skill better, studying more about human anatomy and such. So Rayan often inspires her. 

💧 What makes your OC lose hope, what makes them give up and feel helpless? Have they ever given up on something really important or let go of a dream? What are some of their biggest regrets? Would they ever try again (if they’re able to)?

May loses hope when it feels like there is no choice, hands tied, no apparent way out and when she sees her greatest fears coming true. Thinking about that question, I see very clearly that moment in episode 11 when Rayan tries to finish things up between them, that was a moment that made her lose hope for a whole week. 

I think hearing from Rayan that they shouldn’t be together was a big shock to her, he had tried to deny/run away before, but that did was too hard for her. She thought it was only natural, that she would never be enough for him just as she didn’t seem to be for anyone else - She always doubts herself about relationships, about love. She was ready to give up on him when he shows up at the front of her home asking to talk. 

At some point, May will have to give up on her dream of becoming a teacher for some years. She will start to work with something else, still related to art, because of financial difficulties. It really gonna pains her, but she will have to suck it up and do what she has to do. 

I think she will start to regret all the fights she has had with her parents when she finally have children. Because in a way, all those misunderstandings will become apparent and difficult to get around. She doesn’t want to deprive her children of living with their grandparents, to meet them and have memories with them. So it’s her biggest regret. 

I think she would still try to be an art history teacher when things got less chaotic, I think she would try to build a bridge between her parents and the family she fought so hard to have. After all, my baby gal is a fighter. 

[oh-beyond]

Saviour AU - Part 10 (M)

He wasn’t rich like the others, he didn’t really fit, but he was part of the group, the rich boys that had investments in one of the biggest companies in the country, they were powerful and handsome and they could get anything the wanted, money had corrupted their every day actions, money that Byun Baekhyun didn’t have, to what extent was he like them?

You were lucky enough to be delivering the coffee every morning, you just wanted to see him, and to see him meant seeing the others too…

You had faith that he was different… just don’t trust him too much he might surprise you, and not in a good way.

Business AU/Angst/Smut 

Baekhyun x Reader ft. Chanyeol, Chen, Kai & Lay (Mentions of EXO OT12)

Warning: well smutty smut... +18, mentions of blood.

Masterlist

Saviour Masterpost

< Part 9 - Part 11 >

Summary: sharing bed with Baekhyun, how to resist when the attraction is mutual? Nothing else matters right now, just you and him...

Baekhyun took your offer hesitant, nevertheless happy. He wanted to share the bed, you wanted to share the bed... but somehow it felt wrong. He knew why, but he also knew that he liked the way you were acting around him, why not get closer? No more thinking of Chanyeol, whatever Chanyeol wanted was none of his care. Not here. Not now.

Before taking his place in the other side of the bed, he took some cushions aligning them between you 2 creating a barrier. You turned to face him when he placed the last cushion not being able to see his face, he gave you his back before covering himself with his own quilt.

“Good night ___, and thank you”

After a few minutes of huffing wanting to draw his attention, you propped yourself into your elbow to see his back. You just wanted that much, but after seeing him lying down so close you wanted more. You wanted to feel him closer. Touch him...

He turned around unexpectedly when he felt that you were watching him, you placed the pillow back on place and covered your head with the duvet extremely embarrassed.

“I saw you” he coed in a funny way.

He pulled the duvet down uncovering your eyes. He was too close for your brain to work properly.

“What were you doing?” he asked smiling.

“Nothing” your voice muffled from the duvet at your mouth.

“I guess we can take off just this pillow, I also kind of want to see your face before falling asleep”

You uncovered your face and gave him a satisfied smile. He lay on his side facing you and you did the same facing him. You felt shy but overwhelmed with joy. He was also trying to put his finger on what he was feeling right now, not wanting to fall asleep and instead taking in all the cuteness you were throwing at him.

“You were the stalker back then, I remember you”

“I’m the stalker now too, and I think I might pass out with the thought that you actually remember me”

“You are driving me crazy, how can you be so cute?” he chuckled. 

“I was cute back then too, wasn’t I? But never too late, we could make up for the lost time”

Baekhyun rolled over his back sighing deeply. It worried you, you knew he was thinking of Chanyeol, you wouldn’t blame him tho. Who would throw away a friendship that lasted that long for a girl that he might now even like?

“Baekhyun-ssi?”

“Hmm?” he replied turning to face you again.

“I know he is your friend, I respect that, but what he did today... it’s very big, but if you ask me not to report him, I won’t” you confirmed as you sat crossing your legs.

“Why would you do that for me? I would never ask you to do something like that to begin with. Not even for Chanyeol”

“Because I know you love him and you care about him, altho he’s hurt me, and hurt you” you felt the little scab on the side of his lip with your fingertips “but I would, for you”

“You are too good” he said holding your wrist “I... I just don’t know what to say” he kissed your fingers slowly and carefully, not breaking eye contact.

You were melting, your whole body tingled, even tho only your fingers were being touched. You felt those kisses all over your skin.

“You are blushing. It’s so cute” he said sitting reaching closer to squeeze your cheeks.

“Baekhyun-ssi~~~” you whined “am I only cute? Is that all you see in me?”

He raised himself a little to face you eye to eye.

“Cute... and impatient... and beautiful... and intriguing... and definitely sexy”

You covered your face with both hands, your hair falling over your shoulders. You felt his hands tugging your hair behind your back.

“And shy?”

“I’m not shy!” you spat uncovering your face finding his nose almost touching yours.

The excitement in you grew, you were ready to give him your soul if he asked for it, what an interesting way to look at you, what was he thinking about? 

The agony... please...

“You are not shy? Will I see for myself?”

He run his thumb over your lower lip slowly, teasingly, you didn’t know what to do, you just stayed still watching him as your heart hammered your ribcage, your mouth feeling dry and expectant.

He took your lower lip between his thumb and forefinger pulling lightly before releasing it, immediately you took your lower lip between your teeth bitting on it, he was looking at your lips and you saw him gulping. 

He wanted to kiss you. 

“What am I going to do with you huh? I can’t think straight when you are close to me” he said his voice sounding low and husky, he got on his knees lowering himself close to your face.

“You are like this cute little reward waiting for me, aren't you?” he added.

“I don’t know what you mean” you struggled to reply as your eyes followed his actions.

“I tried to ignore you, but it’s so difficult, I don’t think I can anymore”

His voice... his breath hitting your face...

“I want you Baekhyun-ssi, I wanted you since I saw you, I don’t think that after all this time I would ever be this willing for anyone. Just you”

Those words made him sit back for a moment as in remembering something... or someone, your head went straight to the thought of Chanyeol.

“What? What is it?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows.

He was quiet for a moment before speaking.

“What is between you and Jongdae?”

“You saw already, I am his lawyer, he is being unfairly, almost forced to leave the company, Junmyeon-ssi cannot do th-”

“That wasn’t my question” he stopped again thinking of his words “you told him that you will keep it a secret, I heard it! What secret you have with him?”

“I cannot tell you”

Baekhyun scoffed “you just said you’d do anything for me”

“Anything that concerns me, but this concerns someone else, it’s not my place to reveal something a person has asked me not to reveal. Are you doubting me? You are just like Chanyeol-ssi that thinks I’m this kind of slut?”

“I’m sorry no- that is not what I meant... but... why me? I am no one, no one compared to the rest”

“You are everything, my eyes chose you, my heart chose you, my body chose you... are you blind?” 

He attached his lips to your neck, you closed your eyes consumed in the he thought and the feeling. They felt magical against your skin, soft and warm...

“Please don’t tell me these things, you are going to kill me” he spoke in the crock of your neck.

Baekhyun was still fighting the urge but slowly he was giving in every open mouthed kissed he left in your collarbones. He pushed you with his body making you fall back in the mattress, his hands boldly pushed your legs apart, his mouth ravishing your skin when he nestled himself. 

You welcomed it. All of it. You felt him between your legs and your hands went to caress the nape of his neck, now feeling his tongue flat on your skin.

“Baekhyungh~~~”

He detached himself for a moment pulling his undershirt off, your eyes opened wide making your body crave to touch him, your hands hooked to the belt loops of his pants, pulling him back at you.

His hands found their way under your t-shirt, when you felt his warm fingers pressing gently on your sides, you hissed in satisfaction. He continued and pressed his lower body harder over yours, now feeling his hardened member over your clothed entrance, your knees snapped caging him between your legs, and a loud moan escaped your lips. You closed your mouth with your hands and saw him smirking at your reaction as he run his fingers through his soft hair in confidence. 

“So cute”

“I’m n-”

His mouth invaded yours, it was a needy kiss, the lust was felt as his tongue explored all your mouth till he found your tongue. He was in full control of the kiss, your nerve system on edge. Your hands landed on his back feeling his smooth skin sending you to heaven, your digits digging deep to keep him close to you as he devoured your lips.

He pulled away for air panting heavily over your face “are you sure of this?”

You simply nodded.

It was like pressing on the ‘go ahead’ button. In a flash he was pulling his pants down, he wore a nice pair of tight black boxer briefs, you noticed the significant tent in them. 

He came back kissing you one more time before sitting on his ankles, his hands massaging your calfs and inner thighs, all while he eye-fucked you well and good. Your hands stayed at your mouth while you watched his attack on you.

“Are you wearing your lacy panties?” you nodded eyes wide open “the ones you didn’t ask for” you nodded again “you know, I imagined you in those, I’m not going to lie about it”

He placed his hands on the hem of your leggings pulling them off slowly, finally revealing your panties. He groaned and licked his lips going further down.

“Your skin is so soft despite the goosebumps, are you nervous?” he asked before pulling the leggings off your feet completely tossing them away.

He pulled your hands sitting you down removing your t-shirt, he looked down taking in your figure, then he raised his gaze back at you.

“For me? All for me?”

Your hands went at your back unclasping your bra painfully slow, never breaking eye contact, he didn’t dare look down again. You tossed the bra aside suddenly feeling his palms on both breasts, very gently making your nipples pebble under his touch.

“All for you, and no one else” you replied.

Baekhyun pulled his boxer briefs down franticly fast, his breath heavy. He had lost his shit right there. He pushed you back at the mattress snapping your knees open. Without further delay his hand was there, right where you wanted it to be, all while he kissed you fiercely. His groans loud making you shiver under his ministrations. 

You grabbed his wrist making him stop, he broke the kiss questioning why. All you did was pull your panties down “now... keep going” you whispered.

Baekhyun positioned himself entwining your finger with his feeling each others palms, he brought them atop of your head going back to your neck, his teeth now sinking there leisurely.

“Let me touch you Baekhyun~~~” you whined.

He set your hands free, finally your hands squeezing his butt cheeks “go!” you commanded.

“So naughty... so eager” he said smirking proudly.

“I waited long enough, don’t you think?”

Baekhyun’s hand found your entrance, he pushed a digit inside making your back arch “Baek-”

“So tight, fuck! I wonder how it will feel around my dick”

He started thrusting his finger in and out bitting his lower lip watching how you squirmed in pleasure “so tight, but wet, you ready cutie?”

“Don’t call m- ah!”

You held your breath when you felt him trying to slide inside you.

“It’s so fucking tight, it feels amazing, fuck you are perfect, aghrrrr” he leaned over burying his face in your chest squeezing your breast “how rough do you like it? I want you to enjoy as much as I am already”

You didn’t answer and just pulled at his hair, still holding your breath.

“Hmm? How rough?” he lifted himself to look at you, noticing that little tears formed in your eyes.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asked in panic “why ar- oh my god! ___?” he pulled away looking down noticing some blood stains.

“NO FUCKING WAY! NO, NO, NO, NO! HOW?”

You breathed out wiping your tears closing your legs.

“Why did you stop?” naive question...

“YOU ARE VIRGIN! WELL NO! YOU ARE NOT ANYMORE! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE? THIS IS SO WRONG!!!”

“Why does it matter?”

“It matters to me! I feel like a criminal, I- why? Why are you a virgin? How old are you? Aren’t you like a year or 2 younger than me? And I just- like that...” he held his head in frustration “what the fuck?” he continued.

“But this is a dream come true, when I met you again, I knew...”

“ARE YOU CRAZY!? WE JUST MET! YOU CAN’T GIVE IT AWAY LIKE THIS... FOR ME!”

“Why did this put you off so much? Don’t you like me?”

“I can’t do it, I am sorry about this, and we are in Lay hyung’s house, we can’t...” he murmured as he got dressed, he kept talking to himself “I can’t believe this, I hate myself right now, like, I DID NOT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW!”

“Baekhyun!”

You touched his forearm but he winced back.

“No! Get dressed!”

You started crying covering yourself with the duvet, he walked from side to side in the room like a headless chicken.

“OK, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like this, you just really surprised me, I wasn’t ready to receive such a revelation, your first time should be with someone that... what the fuck am I saying? I’m so sorry jus-”

“I understand, you don’t feel the same way that I do, it’s alright, it was my choice, you did nothing wrong. Stop apologising, you are making me feel stupid” you kept crying your voice loud enough to make Lay worry and knock on your door.

“Cover yourself, it’s hyung”

You put your panties back on and run to the ensuite bathroom with your bra in hand crying. Baekhyun put his undershirt on, and opened the door.

“Why is ___ crying? She had enough shit to deal with today, why did you upset her?” Lay asked looking at your clothes tossed in the floor “Baekhyun! No! Did you just...”

You were listening to all the conversation behind the door.

“I... she... I just-”

“At least tell me you are not taking advantage about the fact that she likes you”

“No, no! I swear, hyung you know me!”

You sighed in relief, maybe he felt bad because he wanted your first time to be nicer than this? Better circumstances perhaps?

“I know you, that is why I am not too worried, treat her well Baekhyun”

“Hyung...”

“But then why was she crying?”

“Well-it’s... I- hyung~~~” whined Baekhyun.

“Alright alright” laughed Lay patting on Baekhyun’s shoulder “I’m right here, if you need help. Or advise” 

You smiled, you did feel better, Baekhyun sounded shy and genuine, and Lay, the nicest person on earth had no doubts about him.

You put your bra on and opened the door slowly peeking to see Baekhyun rubbing on the nape of his neck, when he heard the creaking sound of the door he stopped straightening himself.

“___? Come out he’s gone”

“Give me my clothes”

“Oh sure, yes of course” he gathered your leggings and t-shirt.

He extended his hand, you opened the door enough to fit your own snatching the clothes from him, shutting the door with a thud before he could say anything.

You put them on and washed your face, you looked at yourself in the mirror to gain confidence and got out. Baekhyun was seated in the armchair leaning his elbows on his knees, his head low.

“___!” he said standing “listen, I just-”

“Don’t apologise damn it!”

He pulled you at his chest and hugged you “alright I won’t, but don’t be upset”

“I really want to go to bed, today was filled with events, I am just tired”

He held your shoulders and planted a kiss on your forehead “alright, we will talk tomorrow, good night”

You woke up at the sound of plates and a distant conversation, you looked at the armchair where Baekhyun had spent the night, but he wasn’t there. The quilt he used to cover himself was neatly folded. You went straight to wash and get dressed. You followed the sound of the chitchat that was held in the kitchen.

You saw them through the kitchen hole engaged into preparing the breakfast, Lay was taking plates out of the cupboard, Baekhyun was trying to figure out how the coffee machine worked and Xian was making some eggs.

You cleared your throat tugging a string of hair behind your ear avoiding looking at Baekhyun, for some reason you were not coping with the idea of looking at him after what happened the night before.

“___! Did you sleep well? Baekhyyun here wanted to make your coffee for once, but it seems you might need to give him a hand” said Lay patting on your back welcoming you into the fancy large kitchen.

“Good morning guys, I slept very well, thanks for having me Yixing-ssi, thanks Xian-ssi”

“Did you makeup? Is Baekhyun behaving good? If not tell me, I will make him regret it, trust me I can!” said Xian.

“I don’t doubt that, but for now he is alright” you smiled finally making eye contact with him.

He was nervous, you saw it in his gaze, he was trying to look calm and cool but who was he fooling?

“You need help?” you asked Baekhyun taking the milk from his hands.

“I-ah-I wanted to make it for you” he replied. 

“You hear that Yixing? He is stuttering, he must of done something really big” teased Xian.

You did like the feeling of being in power, but you also knew the moment you left this apartment the lie will remain that. A lie, Baekhyun was nothing to you, if he wanted to make things right he needed to stand up his game. Talk things clear. Make some serious decisions. Because you didn’t know what anything that happened the night before meant. And part of that was your own impulsive actions. You couldn’t blame him entirely.

Baekhyun was being sweet and nice to you during breakfast. You wanted to act hard to get but he was adorable. He filled your mug before asking, and even brought you tissues without needing any, and after breakfast he insisted in clearing the table alone. He behaved like a 15 year old, nervous and naive, you wished you had seen this side of him back then. 

Lay and Xian went to get dressed and you took your mug to the balcony were there was a nice view overlooking the city.

“Can I join?” asked Baekhyun standing at the frame of the balcony door.

“Sure” you smiled giving him some confidence.

He sat in the bench next to you, he placed his arm behind your back and exhaled before speaking.

“So... let me speak, don’t interrupt me because I might forget what I want to say, and I really need to get it out of my chest, and looking at you makes me nervous, so please just stay quiet” you nodded and faced him, your knees brushing on his.

“First off, I won’t apologise for yesterday, it was... a surprise, that’s all, also I won’t say it was the best sex I ever had because it simply wasn’t, we didn’t even have- I just sort of... I mean if you would of told me, I would of been more careful, more gentle... having said that,  I don’t regret it either” he took your hand before continuing “I thought it was unfair on you that it was rushed and not what I... you deserve better”

“I-”

“Don’t interrupt me, just let me say everything” you nodded again covering your little smile.

“Wow, your face just lit up, when you smile you are so freaking cute, I can’t”

You were about to say something but he placed his forefinger over your lips “don’t talk I said” he kept his finger on your lips touching them as he bit on the inside of his cheek “your lips are so delicious... addicting as fuck”

You giggled before bitting his finger, he was basically asking for it.

“And now I officially forgot what I wanted to say” he inserted his finger further inside feeling your tongue, you licked it.

“Fuck! Don’t-”

Your lips tightened around his finger as your tongue played with it.

“Come here”

He crushed his lips on yours, pulling you into his lap, you gladly kissed him back, you smiled into the kiss running your fingers through his hair looking at his eyes when you pulled away “but I want you to finish, what did you want to say to me?”

Baekhyun’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

“One second”

He took his phone out reading the sender’s name.

‘Chanyeol’

Baekhyun��s heart sank to his feet, he felt a stinging sensation and cold sweat.

“Give me a moment ___, it’s from work” he said his voice sounding worried.

“Everything alright?” you asked naively letting him stand up.

He nodded walking inside the apartment. He hesitantly opened the message to read.

Hi Baekhyun-ah, how are you? I couldn’t sleep last night, I never felt worst in my whole life, I am sorry about all those things I said to you. Man... women are a headache... when you really love someone that clouds all your mind, I wished I didn’t. I acted like an asshole with my dearest friend, my brother. I love you more than myself Baekhyun. Also ___, it’s because I love her more than myself, I felt threatened with the image of never having her, it killed me, as well as the thought of losing you, I would never be able to forgive myself. Please help me overcome this Baekhyun, I need you more than ever bro, don’t leave me. Please forgive me brother, I owe you a punch in my face. Your mate, Park Chanyeol.

Baekhyun sat in the couch, reading and re-reading the message, looking at you as you drank your coffee going back to the phone, reading and looking at you, thinking of Chanyeol and how dirty he all of a sudden felt. Dirty and selfish, low, taking advantage of your love, a love that he wasn’t even sure he could correspond. He didn’t deserve you, as well as Chanyeol. He just stabbed him in the back, he hurt everyone around him, Baekhyun was not OK.

“Hey! Where did you go? I missed you” he heard you said coming next to him caressing his cheek “you look worried, tell me”

“I can’t”

“How come? Tell me, I might help” you took his hand with both hands kissing it.

“I can’t, just like you can’t tell me what’s your deal with Jongdae” he spat.

You left his hand furrowing. 

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong”

“Stop doing wrongs things, it will save you same apologies Baekhyun-ssi”

Baekhyun couldn’t cope with all this...

“I need to go”

________________________

A/N: what would you doing a situation like this? Lose your best friend or lose your s/o? What is she to him even?

Thanks for reading, feedback always welcomed ^_^

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[3one3]

The Sequel - 865

A Joint Thing

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Stop. You don’t even have to give the speech. I don’t want to talk about it. Tomorrow, yes. Not now.”

“Okay. Whatever you want.”

“What are you doing?”

“Figuring out how to send hay and grain for the horses and livestock affected by the hurricane in Texas. The flooding is so bad. Did you eat? I had a strip steak because I was starving. I got one for you too though. If you want it. It only takes a few minutes on the grill.”

I want 20 things and none are a strip steak, no matter how superbly she could probably cook it, André rued after Christina nodded at the mostly empty plate beside her Macbook in the study. There was one piece of broccoli left on it alongside some discarded fat. It was Saturday night, and he just got home from the match, and he pretty much hated everything until that very moment. How sweet is she. Does her two hours at the stadium to see me play like the Invisible Man for 55 minutes and then makes herself dinner for one, to eat while she works on helping abandoned or homeless animals. And she has that face like her mind is going hundreds of kilometers a minute to figure out what to do or say to me to erase that I am currently useless on the football pitch and hurt all the time.

“I had dinner in the ice bath. Who are we helping? One organization or a bunch of little ones?” The player walked the rest of the way into the cozy study decorated primarily with books, and pushed the back of his chair from one side of the partners’ desk to the other so that he could sit beside his girl and see what was on her screen. She slid over a bit to her left, and then leaned back over to the right to kiss his cheek. If not for the distraction of the coverage of the hurricane drowning greater Houston under an unprecedented tonnage of water, Christina would have been totally consumed by her sympathy for her partner and his frustrating struggle to show his quality and worth at the Westfalenstadion. He was simply a body to bounce the ball off now and then during his minutes that evening. The whole team was rather slow on the ball, and one-dimensional. André couldn’t make or take any chances, and he seldom even had the opportunity for nice interplay with his black and yellow teammates. The three points were secured for the home side, and their #21 didn’t do anything costly or embarrassing, so it wasn’t a complete loss, but he looked and felt irrelevant and disappointing. His girl wished she knew how to help him turn it on again, or even just how to get on the right path to it. Injuries and good form by others meant it had been nearly a year since he enjoyed an uninterrupted spell in which to build and flourish. His struggle was breaking her heart, and demolishing his spirit. Her instinct was to make him talk about it instead of brush it off for “tomorrow”, but she knew what it was like to be in his shoes too, and knew he needed a cool-down period before it was worth encouraging him to share his burden with her.

“That’s what I’m trying to decide. The ASPCA is doing a lot but I’m not sure if they’re doing livestock or just pets. USEF has a fund going just for horses. I’m looking for, like, if some group is taking in otherwise homeless horses and caring for them while their owners can’t. I’d like to send supplies. I don’t like just giving money to those big groups because I don’t know how much of it actually helps the animals, or how long it takes.” The horsewoman moved her dinner plate aside so that she could lean on her elbow on the desk and sigh while André scrolled through the pictures she found on Twitter.

“Why don’t you make a post saying that you’d like to help, and see who responds? It shouldn’t be too hard to verify and not get scammed. Your Twitter has a big reach,” he reminded her. “I’m sure people will tell you who is doing what.”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m going to need someone who knows what’s going on and where I can even get hay and grain sent from, and how to get it to whoever needs it. I emailed someone I know at USEF to find out what they can tell me. I’ll wait to post until I hear back from her. Hey, are you sure you don’t want anything?” Christina watched him watch a rescue video on the screen, and reached for his fuzzy cheek with the back of her hand. He turned and offered a small but reassuring smile.

“We had pasta and chicken. I’m not hungry, Prinzessin.”

“Do you want anything else? Couch? Bed? Fire pit? Movie downstairs?”

“Didn’t you want to begin your Game of Thrones education tonight?” the footballer yawned.

“Yes but actually I want to save that for tomorrow because it’s supposed to rain aaaaalllllllll day and Lukas has a playdate at Nuri’s- all the kids do- I think it’s someone’s birthday but I forget- and so it’s the perfect afternoon for us to get embedded on the couch and watch a bunch of episodes at once. I even made watermelon salsa for the whole grain tortilla chips.” Christina blinked at him with big, round, welcoming blue eyes, and just that little hint of hopefulness in them- her hope for him to be into her plans- was enough to help him feel just that little bit better about everything. Instead of expressing excitement about her Sunday agenda, he decided to tease her.

“You’re sending him to a birthday without a gift?” he asked with mock incredulity.

“Tugba only just told me about it at the game!”

“Did you get to tuck him in?”

“No,” she frowned. “Espen said he watched most of the match though. He made you something today,” Lukas’ mom smiled back. “It’s upstairs. Want to see?”

His dad nodded and followed her to the master bath, to check out the little platinum blonde’s art project. It all started when Espen arrived for work with a tie-dye kit and some cheap t-shirts. She was joining some new friends from her apartment block on a sort of bar crawl/drinking scavenger hunt that would stretch from brunch into the evening. It was a team competition, and her team was all going to wear tie-dye shirts. The others were getting together on Saturday to make theirs but since she had to work she just got her own supplies and made it into a fun activity to do with Lukas. Christina couldn’t resist joining in. They filled horse buckets with the water and dye and taught Lukas how to bunch up the shirt and add the rubber bands. After he saw the results on a his-size shirt, he wanted to make one for Daddy. It had to be yellow, because his “Daddy shirt” was yellow. Espen showed him how to draw on the adult-size white tee with fabric markers before they prepped it for the dye. He attempted a dinosaur and several humans of varying sizes and proportions. They weren’t all entirely recognizable as people. The finished product looked like a terrible children’s doodle made into a shirt instead of refrigerator art. He wanted to put it in the dye twice to deepen the yellow hue per Espen’s recommendation, so Christina hung it in her shower to dry because the dark tiles wouldn’t get stained.

“I think you should let him give it to you in the morning,” she explained to the lucky recipient of the haute couture piece. “He’ll be so proud and happy.”

“You think? Wouldn’t he like it if I just wear it?” André loved his ugly shirt. He loved that his son thought of him when he wasn’t around, and wanted to make him something.

“You can wear it after he gives it to you. I think you’ll look sexy in it, babe.”

“For some reason yellow doesn’t do for my eyes what it does for yours.” He pointed a cheeky smirk at his girl while holding the shirt up to his body.

“It’s really not your color.” She wrinkled one side of her nose and shook her head, and inadvertently reminded him of the things he didn’t want to talk about. I never look good in yellow. That’s the truth, he huffed inside. BVB shirt on, all talent, composure, and intelligence, gone. I just look like a jackass. “We tried to make it a darker, more flattering shade for you.”

“Mhm. Should I put it back in the shower? It seems dry.”

“I think it’s fine. Why don’t you put your bag away and stay awhile?” The rider winked at the dejected player and then wandered out of the bathroom and onto their bed. It was freshly made in clean linens, and too inviting to simply be walked past. There was nothing else to do in the house besides hover around André anyway.

“Where is your tie-dye shirt?” he asked her from his closet.

“In a drawer. It’s rainbow colored. I’m like a tie-dye pro.”

“Are we going downstairs, or outside, or bed, or what? What should I put on right now?”

“I dunno I don’t care.” Hola Juanin, Christina thought as her sweatpants pocket vibrated. It wouldn’t have been anyone other than the Spaniard. He played 74 minutes and assisted the match-winning goal, and she was waiting for him to respond to her congratulations text.

“Thanks. We played well. Who is it going to be with this time?” he wrote back. Her message also mentioned her desire to do another Dirk video, with a new artist, whose music she discovered only that afternoon, sort of.

“You know the song I played for you that sounds like its straight out of 1983 and I said I thought it might actually be brand new and not from Miami Vice? The featured artist on it is two guys called Oliver, because they’re both Olivers, and they’re DJ’s and producers and I heard their album that just came out and it’s AMAZING. You’ll prob love it. Add it on Apple. “Electrify” is my fave,” the rider told him with several dancing girl emojis.

“Why can’t you pick someone I already know personally and have a relationship with? Don’t you like any Kygo songs?” Juan’s feigned exasperation was audible in his digital words.

“Who says I want you to produce the video again?”

“Your mom.”

“We’re invited to a nightclub party in Milan on Saturday night with Rafa people. It’s not all night tho. Do you wanna?”

“I don’t know. That’s a week from now.”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“I had dinner with Paula. I’m home now. Bedtime for Juan.”

“Are you still hanging out with Taylor tomorrow?”

“I put sweatpants on because you have sweatpants on,” André shrugged on his way over to join his girl on the nicely made bed. She was upside down and tapping away on her phone. “Watcha doin?”

“Nothing.” Christina barely got the word out before the other player’s next message arrived.

“Yes.”

“Coming in hot.” The BVB midfielder crawled over her and literally just collapsed on her body, trapping the phone and her hand under his shoulder. “Ahh, yeah. Comfy.”

“Ugh, you weigh a ton. Why are your bones so heavy? There’s no fat on you to weigh this much.”

“Stop complaining,” he ordered before reluctantly scooting down some so that their parts lined up slightly better. He took the phone from her hand and set it on the bed, and then put both of her hands down at her side, out of the way of his elbows. Then he dropped his head down for a quick smooch. “Thanks for coming to the match.”

“Why do you still thank me?” Christina laughed. “I will never get that. I’ve been going to your games for almost 7 years. I was going to them even before that too. You just didn’t know it.”

“Because I’m still thankful that you support me. And that you support me at home too even after I play like crap.”

“You’re a hero to me and your son whether you score a hat trick, an own goal, or an award for doing absolutely nothing of note for an hour.” She couldn’t help but tease a little. It was totally fine with him because her teasing smile was very nice to look at. He bent down to kiss her again, a little slower, and then petted her forehead and some of her hair.

“I guess you weren’t paying attention when I gave the ball away and we almost lost a goal.”

“No I was, but you didn’t even do that well enough for them to actually score, so...doesn’t count.”

“Nice.”

“In all seriousness, was something hurting? You weren’t moving so good.” Christina held onto his waist and enjoyed his freshly showered smell. It was clean and manly and evoked all of the things inside a female that tell her to notice a male.

“Not really, but you’re right. By the end I wasn’t moving well.”

“Do you need a butt massage?” She slid her hands down over his behind and gave it a demonstrative double squeeze.

“You mean you have time for an ass that isn’t Jon Snow’s? You’ve found a way to include it in every other conversation for two days. Who is that?” His attention was diverted before he could list all the times she managed to work Kit Harington’s perfect ass into conversations. Her phone vibrated again, and lit up.

“How should I know? I can’t see it. Duuhhhhh.”

“Duhhhhhhh.”

“You’re crushing my liver or something. So you’re lucky you smell good.” And...meh. As the Olympic medalist inhaled some more eau du manly man, several threads converged in her head and dampened her mood. She spent much of the pre-match festivities with Zoe, and Nuri’s wife Tugba, talking about her new interest in Game of Thrones, and how it spawned from “that love scene” everybody was on about. The girls had so much to say and not just about Jon Snow’s wonderful, Fibonacci sequence-aligned bum. The other two knew more than the rider about the series, so they had more perspective on the significance of the love scene, but she could still testify to the powerful and meaningful emotions that were fueling it. It was obvious. The scene was about love, not sex. Zoe told her it was one of the few sex scenes in the whole story that portrayed the act as something loving instead of brutal and animalistic.

She also got wistful and fanciful and longing in talking about “that kind of love”. Marco’s girl asked, rhetorically, how amazing it is to have sex like that- to be so enamored, and so deeply in love, and so “so”. It was a struggle for her to even put a label on it. Tugba was all about it too. Nuri’s wife knew exactly what Zoe meant, and so did Christina. Unfortunately, thinking about the “oh my god, star-crossed lovers finally together, they need each other, they need to make love to fully experience it” sort of love just made her realize that she never had that with André anymore.

As Juan’s texts piled up on the phone next to her head, she felt uneasy inside. He was the one with whom she experienced that sort of love. He was the one she longed to be with that way. The girls also talked about other kinds of love, which they deemed good but not as singularly rewarding, satisfying, and special. André ticked the boxes for her for “when he’s so hot or handsome and you just need him” love and “casual, flirty” love, and “when you wake up Sunday morning and love each other” love. The player’s wives called the rarity of the other sort of love bittersweet, because they wanted to experience that encounter more often but recognized that it would be diminished with greater frequency. Zoe even said it was a “two handful” life experience, meaning one would only experience it maybe 10 times in a lifetime. So Christina logically shouldn’t have been that alarmed by the realization that she and her partner hadn’t had a night like that in some time, or that she wasn’t feeling that way about him. But she wasn’t sure that Zoe was right. It seemed like she thought of Juan that way all the time, and they had “Jonerys-level” sex multiple times just that summer. Sniffing her husband and feeling attracted to him on that most basic level of desire was disappointing for her, because it just reinforced everything she thought of in hospitality with the girls.

“Do you want me to move?” André offered when he noticed that her expression went flat for too long for her just to be kidding when she said he was lucky to smell good. It was like she frowned to go along with the banter but then just never smiled again or re-engaged.

“No. But...do you still...do you ever feel like you love me so much that you need to love me, like, physically? I mean- Not- Like- Like when you want to literally make love. You want to be together because of just...love. Not because you want to get off, or because I look good or whatever, or even like when you’re obsessed with being with my body for a while. I mean make love like the night before you went to Brazil, and our wedding night, and the first time we were together post-separation when it wasn’t weird anymore. When you look at me and I actually look back.” Christina regretted opening her mouth with every additional word she piled on to try to make herself clear. Her face was pink by the end, and she was hoping to disappear into the mattress somehow.  

“How many times did you watch the scene with his butt? You are so obsessed. Let it go, Prinzessin,” André chuckled. “You get so hung up on films and shows. Life doesn’t have to be that dramatic!”

“Never mind the show. Do you know what I’m talking about? Don’t you-“

“I wanted to be with you like that yesterday and you didn’t feel the same.” Why is she asking me this, he wondered. Why does she fool around when I want to be serious, and get serious when I’m just whatever. Why does she watch and read love stories and then have to live them the same?

“No that’s not the same, babe.” The rider shook her head and peered up at him with almost something like urgency. “I’m talking about when we’re both feeling exactly the same way. It’s a joint thing. It can’t happen to just one.”

“Well wouldn’t you know then? If it has to be both of us then you know all the times,” the player sighed. He just didn’t want to be having that conversation. He wanted to go back to enjoying her face and her casual conversation. She sighed too, but inaudibly, and nodded. His answer illustrated a good point. There was no point in asking him if he experienced something recently that she didn’t when the experience was dependent on them both. So it wasn’t just Christina that wasn’t feeling it. It wasn’t just that she had Juan as an alternative. The other half of the equation was messed up too. She wanted to know why, but didn’t know how to find out. He lifted his head to look at nothing across the room- an inadvertent but indicative gesture that put more space between their faces. His girl didn’t know how to even go about finding out her answer without aggravating him further.

“Okay.”

“Has anyone told you the guy with the ass and the girl with the braids are brother and sister? And that he’s a bitch? He would be the guy who listens to Drake and cries over girls. It’s just a TV show, Chris. Real life isn’t supposed to be comparable.” He was still aggravated anyway.

“Can you get off me if you’re going to talk to me like I’m an idiot?” So was she. He flipped over onto his back next to her for a second and then did a sit up and shifted around to lean against the headboard. She rolled onto her stomach and picked up her mobile.

“Goodnight baby girl.” He says with a red heart. Honestly, why do I fight to be in love with a man I love dearly when it’s no struggle at all to be in love with the other man I love? Seriously. Why? Why do I do this? Schü and I treat our relationship like it’s a project we’re working on, or like a patient with a whole bunch of problems and we don’t even know if he’s going to make it. I just love Juan. That’s it. That’s all there is to say. I don’t have to try. He doesn’t talk about us like we’re a work in progress. He realistically COULD do that, because I know he sees us being together in the future and it must seem like we take steps toward and away from that at times, but he doesn’t. Why do we do this? I don’t even know anymore. The old answer was that I wanted us to be together, and I wanted to keep our family together. I used to say that just because something is hard doesn’t make it not worth it. I need a drink before I get upset.

“Where you going?”

“Water.”

[skylordric]

Farewell to Druss

First, Charity and I just want to thank everyone for the outpouring of love and support you all expressed over our recent loss. Your texts, messages, calls, thoughts and prayers were appreciated more than you could possibly know. 

I just feel like I have to tell you this story of an amazing member of our family so I’m going to start at the beginning...

[Charity bringing home Druss (5 wks old)]

Charity and I had finally had our own house and were discussing getting a dog. A big dog. We had Ajax, a 5-year old Chihuahua inherited when Charity’s mom passed, and felt like he needed someone bigger in his life. We started searching and one day Charity saw an add from a local Great Dane breeder who was giving away a litter of mixed-breeds when the bitch had fooled around with a local (they think) German Shepherd. 5 weeks old, first come, first served. We headed out to her house after work.

Druss and her sister were all that were left. Druss was the goofier looking one and we both knew he was the one for us. His paws were massive and we knew he’d grow to be a big dog. He was perfect from the beginning. I wanted to name him after a David Gemmell character and a friend reminded me of Druss, Gemmell’s legendary warrior with a great double-headed axe.

“Druss!” It suited him. Charity looked at me (I’m sure regretting the decision to leave the name choosing to me) and raised an eyebrow. “How do you spell that?”

He fit right in.

He was the easiest dog to train. He pooped in the house exactly twice. Once on his first day home and once many months later when he couldn’t get out in time (but really tried to hold it!). He only went thru one round of training but learned it quickly and never forgot it.

[Druss (2 mos) and Ajax]

Druss loved his older brother immediately. Ajax was far from convinced he wanted anything to do with this new dog; especially when Druss was bigger than him only one week after coming home! Ajax was the crotchety old man, Druss was the playful young pup. Ajax was the alpha and Druss never bothered to let him know otherwise.

[When I get to bed really late, I’ve lost my place]

He loved to sleep and he snored like a freight train! Seriously. He got better as he got older but that first year-and-a-half was noisy in our household! And he could sleep anywhere, anytime but he preferred to sleep on you. In your lap, on your head, across you legs he’d flop down on you, slide down beside you and fall asleep immediately. As he got bigger, you started getting pushed more and more out of the bed, lost more and more covers during the night and some of those flops could hurt when they hit your head, your stomach or other, more sensitive areas.

[18 wks, 51 lbs!]

And grow he did. 22 pounds at 11 weeks. 51 pounds at 18 weeks. On his one-year birthday he plateaued at 103 pounds of solid muscle and bone. He was a walking weapon of destruction. His tail could double-over any man standing by him or concuss anyone sitting near him. He loved to rough-house and those paws could always find the tender places and he always gripped your hand or forearm in his mouth just enough to let you know he got you, never enough to draw blood or leave a toothy impression. As clumsy and destructive as he could be, he was always kind and gentle.

But his toys saw no mercy: He could play music on the squeakers endlessly and nibble on the soft parts for hours. He would grab Charity’s chapstick or bottle of mentos or a highlighter pen and take them to his room and not chew on them. But give him a bottle and he wouldn’t let it go till he got the lid off. And if you left something in the back yard--his domain, his rules!--It was fair game. I lost three grill covers before I gave up.

[As this comforter found out the hard way]

But more than anything, he loved his friends. And everyone was his friend!

When you met Druss, he would sidle up to you, lean in and let you pet him as much as you wanted. Everyone got a turn. And everyone got leaned on. He could put you through a wall while you scratched (hard!) behind his ears! Little kids, old folks, men, women, he didn’t care. He loved you!

And if you sat down, well, that’s when things got even better. Because Druss thought he was a lapdog.

And he LOVED riding in the car! The windows had to be rolled down if we were doing less than 65. And if I couldn’t lower the windows, he’d put his head on my shoulder and look out my window.

[He always hated being to big for the front seat, tho]

But Druss was Charity’s dog. He was a momma’s boy.

From the very beginning Druss always loved Charity. When he was scared (he hated fireworks, thunder and the digital beeps the stove made) he would crawl up into her lap and lay his head on her chest. When he was sleepy he would find her lap or shoulder or room on her pillow. He’d always walk up and sniff at her nose and mouth until she breathed on him and he was satisfied she was alive or cancer free or whatever that weird habit was.

He was our family and we loved him just as much as he loved us. Possibly.

When Hurricane Irma threatened Florida, we had to evacuate to Birmingham, AL to stay with some friends. Druss and Ajax, of course, made the trip with us and had a ball. They got to meet old friends, make new ones, and made themselves at home.

On September 11th, Druss ate supper and a little while later began acting funny. He didn’t want to jump up on the couch. When he sat down, he seemed rigid on his front paws. I could tell he wasn’t comfortable. He hadn’t pooped since we got to Alabama 3 days earlier (He had a shy colon believe it or not! Only wanted to poop in his own backyard!) so I took him outside. It was cool and drizzling and he wandered around the yard and pooped twice. But his ears were down and his head was low and he wandered the yard, seemingly trying to find something.

He went back into the house and started dry heaving. I took him back out on the porch and he could barely stand. He’d heave once, twice, but produce nothing. Very strange since he had just eaten. His breathing was labored. His stomach was large and very firm. We brought him back in, wrapped in blankets to dry him off and Charity looked up the symptoms for bloat.

Bloat affects barrel chested dogs like Great Danes, Greyhounds and the like. Essentially, their long torso presents a threat of allowing the stomach to twist, strangulating the esophagus and the intestines. Symptoms include dry heaving, labored breathing, restlessness, salivating and a bloated stomach. Druss started salivating.

We got him into the car and went to the local vet. They had him diagnosed in a few minutes and it was bloat, also called GDV: Gastric Dilatation-Volvulus or Stomach Torsion (Twisted Stomach).  The X-ray showed that Druss’ stomach has twisted right to left, the esophagus twisting. Air was caught in the stomach and building. Druss only had a few hours to live at most.

The options were limited: Get him to the emergency pet hospital for immediate surgery that began at $2000 (and could go over $5000 when all the bills were totaled up) or put him down.

It all just happened so fast. Less than an hour before he had been goofing off, his happy, playful self; the four-year-old puppy who refused to grow up. Now the Vet, Dr. Lindsey Petras, was telling us that it just happens. You can take all the precautions, do everything right and be as careful as you can possibly be but unless a procedure is done to tack the stomach that prevents it from twisting, GDV is always a threat. We were lucky, she told us, in that we caught it early. Some Great Dane owners come home from work and their pet was already gone.

Charity and I prayed and cried but knew we couldn’t afford the costs here. We just couldn’t. We felt so helpless and so conflicted and guilty but we both knew we only had one choice here. We had to let him go.

We spent a few minutes with Druss, hugging him, kissing him, apologizing and crying. He had some painkillers in him and he was so sick but he put his head down between my legs letting he forcefully scratch behind his ears one more time. When I stopped he looked up at me and then went to Charity.

Charity got down on the floor with him and hugged him. He put his head over her shoulder as she reached up to hug him. The doctor came in and explained the process. Charity had him lay down in front of her. He obeyed like he always did. Dr. Petras administered the first dose. Druss got quiet and tired, he couldn’t feel the tightness in his stomach anymore and he got so sleepy. He laid his head down and looked toward Charity but his eyes were unfocused.

“Is he asleep?” Charity asked. She was quietly petting his neck, stroking his ear.

“Yes,” The Vet answered. “Are you ready?”

Charity nodded. I nodded.

Charity pet him as he quietly passed away. She was there to comfort him at the beginning on that first ride home and she was there with him at the end and I know he appreciated that. I know I did.

I watched his chest rise and fall the last time and Druss was gone.

How long does it take to get over the loss of your awesome dog? I went to bed that night and felt the absence of him laying up against the back of my knee. Charity felt it, too. The eight hour ride home was quiet and tearful and the car was so empty regardless of how packed it was. Charity and I would talk about him until we couldn’t speak and then it was quiet again. I missed his head on my shoulder and in my mirrors. Ajax slept the whole way. When we had gotten home from the vet’s, he had stared at the front door and then wandered around the house looking for his brother.

When we got back home to Jacksonville, he stood on the back of the couch and stared at the door after I came in from unloading the car. After a long moment he looked back at me and it broke my heart. He played for a few minutes but not as much as he usually would and then went to Druss’ bed and curled up and slept. He didn’t eat. He got up and didn’t come to the couch or my lap but went to his bed and went back to sleep. In the morning I got up and that was his cue to jump up--and since Druss wasn’t in bed--trot to the living room and round the corner of the couch to tell little brother it was time to go outside. The couch was empty and he looked at it for a moment and then back at me. It broke my heart again. 

Today was the first time in years he stayed home alone. When I got home and opened the door, Druss wasn’t darting thru and past me to run his daily inspection of the front lawn. Ajax was there and he went out and then came in and went back to bed.

There’s a Great Dane-sized hole in this home and our hearts. Those of you who knew Druss probably understand. He was amazing. I loved taking him places because everyone wanted to meet him when they saw him and pet him and get pushed into a wall by him. He made people smile and made little kids squeal with delight because he was taller than them and they always asked if they could pet him and he loved them and was gentle with them. He was easily exciteable and it took so much to control him sometimes. When he knew he was going for a ride (he heard the collar and leash jingle when I pulled them out) he would spin circles in front of the door and then run back to his room and sit down and pant eagerly and couldn’t wait to put on his harness and collar. Charity and I would brag on him the way you’d brag on your own children. Everyone who knows us knows, or knows of, Druss and Ajax.

We miss him more than you can imagine. I miss his head pushing my hand off the mouse telling me he wanted to go out--oh, but he could wait til I finished scratching his ear. There was ALWAYS time for ear scratching! I miss his pushing me out of the bed at 4am. If he needed to go out at night he would walk up beside my bed and place his muzzle in front of me. Then his tail would bang the mirrored closet doors.  I miss his amber eyes and that regal pose he could assume that was so strong and powerful but I knew he just wanted to be a puppy...and a lapdog. I miss him flopping down on the couch, surveying his pack and then nodding off. Charity misses him nuzzling into her lap while she tried to work on her laptop.

There’s so much to miss and how great is that? It’s pretty great.

Thanks, Druss. Thanks for all of the love and fun and fighting and scratches and bruises and jumping up on me with childish glee and exciteable spinning and graceful running and your protective spirit and friendly demeanor. Thanks for being an awesome member of the family and making us your pack. We’ll always love and miss you.

Goodbye, Druss. You were a good dog.

I just wanted to send a heartfelt thanks to Lindsey Petras, D.V.M. and her entire staff at Grants Mill Animal Hospital in Irondale, AL. She was so kind and understanding and patiently explained everything to us so we had a full understanding of the situation. Her bedside manner was so beautiful and made the entire nightmare a little bit easier to handle. Charity and I can’t thank you enough for all you did for us, and more importantly, Druss, that night.