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[okcoolthanks]

POV you get kidnapped at BellTech so you call your good friend William Wisp to help you

[livwritesstuff]

for @steddie-week day 3 | long (and a little bit of mutual pining but the kind when they're literally dating which i think is even more pathetic)

tags: modern day, famous au, actor!steve, rockstar!eddie

Eddie stayed longer than he should have. 

He was supposed to leave Chicago with the rest of the band yesterday after their show at Credit Union 1 – opening night for a year-long national tour.

Eddie didn’t leave yesterday though. Instead, he insisted on spending one last night with Steve, one last morning pretending like they would actually get up and go to that breakfast spot they like even though they both knew they’d be spending the time wrapped up together in their bed, in the home they share, refusing to disentangle themselves until they had no other choice.

No other choice meant Eddie waited so long to leave that he ended up on a flight which would get him into Ohio with barely enough time to make it to the venue in Cincinnati before showtime (and he was missing soundcheck completely – sorta shot himself in the foot with that one, in Steve's opinion, though he won’t be caught complaining).

He won’t be caught doing anything – not publicly, anyway.

Steve and Eddie’s relationship is kind of in the halfway-stage between secret and private, where Steve posts vague, faceless photos of the two of them every now and then but still deflects questions about his romantic life during interviews because – look. He and Eddie are both at weird high-points in their careers at the moment, and that means there’s a lot of eyes on them whether they like it or not. Steve had a public relationship turn sour years ago and there is no way in hell he’s letting it happen again.

Not with Eddie. Not when it counts.

There are speculations, obviously (and after Steve dropped Eddie off at O'Hare, he posted a photo of the Kiss n’ Fly sign to his IG story with the caption i hate this place :( – mostly for his own amusement at the specific way his notifications implode afterward), and they’ll probably get around to an official hard-launch someday, but for now Steve likes that they’re keeping things to themselves, especially when they don’t get to make that choice with much else.

Steve gets a just landed text from Eddie a few hours after he boarded his plane.

(Steve knew. He’d been tracking the flight).

Before he could respond, Eddie added, miss you so fn much

i miss you too, Steve texted back, and before either of them could wallow in it too much, he sent, gonna make it on time?

probably, Eddie answered. Then, getting ready in the car lol

He goes quiet after that (the getting ready, presumably), which is fine.

Steve gets it.

He’s busy too. It’s why he’s not following along on Eddie’s tour like some glorified groupie, and it’s not like the distance is anything new. On the contrary, it’s been an element of their relationship since they met at an awards show after-party four years ago. It’s more that this time around, they were supposed to only have four-and-a-half weeks together before Steve headed off on a press tour for the movie he filmed last year, but then that got pushed out a bit further, and so that four-and-a-half weeks together turned into a glorious nine, the longest Steve and Eddie’s calendars had ever been aligned without some serious planning beforehand.

He just got used to it, Steve supposes.

He got used to having Eddie around all the time, under his fingertips, under his skin. He got used to saying goodnight in person, in their bed together instead of over phone lines, got used to waking up in Eddie's arms and hearing sweet nothings whispered in his ear rather than reading the texts Eddie would leave for him to wake up to when they were apart.

He'll adjust just like he always does, and the worst part will be over tomorrow morning – that moment right between sleep and wake when Steve will realize Eddie isn’t in their bed with him.

Like it or not, the distance is their normal and they make it work (except it’s not even making it work, because it’s not like that. Any situation, any set of circumstances will work without question because it’s Eddie).

The start time for the Cincinnati show comes and goes. A few minutes into the opening act and while Steve is mindlessly flitting between Instagram and TikTok waiting for the algorithm to fill his feed with clips from the concert (ones of Eddie, preferably), his screen lights up with a call.

���Hey,” he says the second he slams his thumb on the green accept button.

“Hey,” Eddie replied, his tone nothing short of grim.

“You geared up for the show?” Steve asked.

“No,” Eddie answered, “I’m quitting.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, okay.”

“I need you to come tuck my pockets in,” Eddie said, and it’s a goddamn wonder Steve didn’t break down then and there, because Eddie always managed to tug his pants on in a way that made the front pockets stick out just a bit, and throughout their years together Steve had gotten into the habit of tucking them back in for him, squeezing Eddie’s hips a little when he was done and pulling him in for a kiss.

“Yeah,” Steve manages a wet laugh, “I – fuck, man, I wish I was there to tuck them in for you.”

“I want you here so bad, Steve," Eddie says, "I really, really miss you."

“I miss you too,” Steve nodded, even though miss isn't a big enough word for the homesick feeling in his chest, “Only a week until the Indy show though. And I’m coming with you for the Michigan one after.”

“Yeah,” Eddie replied, and if he sounded a little morose about it, Steve was right there with him. Sure, it’s a comfort knowing he’ll be seeing Eddie again so soon, but when those two days are over…yeah, it’s gonna be a long goddamn while until next time, because Eddie will be playing the Midwest while Steve’s press tour is mostly on the East Coast this time around, and after that he heads up into Vancouver to shoot a period drama mini-series while Eddie plays the southern half of the US, and then…well, Steve could keep going. They’re both taking a short break for the holidays, but that and the rare weekend one of them can fly out to the other is about it for the foreseeable future.

Which, yeah, Steve loves acting, loves that he gets to make a whole career out of it, and he knows that Eddie feels the same way about his music, but…the love he has for Eddie definitely edges out the rest of it – enough that he feels the distance between him like a dull, ever-present ache whenever they’re apart.

Eddie only ends their call when his manager practically has to yank the phone out of his hand and shove him onstage, and then Steve settles back into bed, back into scrolling mindlessly on his phone waiting for his finely-tuned algorithms to do their jobs.

Sure enough, it takes less than thirty minutes for Steve’s FYP to start showing him TikToks from Eddie’s show, and amidst all the hair and leather and silver chains and chunky rings and eyeliner and manic energy, Steve sees something else, something that has the hurt of missing Eddie increasing ten-fold, something that has him seriously considering taking an ax to all his contracts and his career and his livelihood and getting on the next plane to Cincinnati.

Eddie left his pockets untucked.

[bingoboingobongo]

task force 141 + cuddling

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

Warnings: none

A/N: idk if this counts as a holiday hc but idc i wanted to write this. pretend they're wearing christmas pj's idk.

simon "ghost" riley:

alright so when you really get down to it ghost's just a scared guy

i mean not scared in the traditional sense ig but he's pretty paranoid (not that i blame him)

he's definitely the kind of guy that feels pretty vulnerable when he's asleep and because of that (and nightmares) he's never really been a deep sleeper

like he can fall asleep whenever because he's sorta in a state of perpetual tiredness but it's always a super light sleep and he'll wake up at the slightest disturbance (hence the state of perpetual tiredness)

this all culminates into a very specific mindset ghost has when he's sleeping with you

ghost is absolutely petrified of anything happening to you, especially since he can't protect you when he's sleeping, so he's definitely a fan of spooning (with him as the bigger spoon ofc) bc it makes him feel like he's shielding you from harm

he also likes having you so close to him bc one you're nice and warm and two it lets him know your safe

and honestly it's less spooning and more just him trying to cover your entire body with his body

like he will go full on blanket mode

if he could he would just box you in under him and the only reason he doesn't is because he knows he would end up crushing you

he'll hold you really tightly too

like almost squeezing you

and you always think he'll eventually loosen up a little when he falls asleep but he never does

this has two purposes

first is that it keeps you close

and second is that it stops you from moving around excessively

the second one is important especially if you're a chaotic sleeper because he always gets woken up when you move

also he likes having you face him when he sleep so it's sorta like you guys are hugging but sometimes that can get uncomfortable with all the limbs involved

oh yeah he definitely wraps/throws his legs around you in another effort to keep you pinned down

also hot take but he doesn't like being the little spoon

it's too stressful for him because even though he feels protected he feels like you're vulnerable and that's worse

john "soap" mactavish:

alright so starting off soap is a great cuddler

but then as the night progresses... not so much

ik everyone's been saying this but it's because it's the truth

soap is a spreader

no matter what position he starts off in soap will always find a way to spread out

for some reason he also has a tendency to flip over in his sleep a lot

like it always starts out with the him on his back with your head laying on his chest as he rubs circles on your arm and tells you stories about his childhood

and around halfway through the night he might turn over and hug you while he sleeps for a bit

with his arms wrapped around you and your face buried into his chest

but then by the morning

soap is starfished on his belly

one arm is haphazardly thrown across your back/front (depending on how you're sleeping) with one of his legs tangled into yours

lord knows he's drooling too but honestly same

also soap's definitely a blanket stealer but for no reason

like in the middle of the night you'll be waging a war with him for the blanket

just for him to kick it off the bed by morning time

you've tried getting another blanket but it didn't work and he just stole that one too

you're still trying to come up with a better solution

soap also sleeps like but is also weirdly conscious

idk how to phrase it but like it will take everything to wake him up

but also if you even try to sneak the blanket away from him he will know and you will not be able too

also he definitely snores when he sleeps on his stomach sorry

rodolfo "rudy" parra:

ugh rudy my love my precious my darling

rudy lives for cuddles

but he likes to be the cuddled instead of the cuddler

rudy is always down to be the little spoon but honestly that's not really his favorite position

(he almost always has bruises on his side from training so it can be uncomfortable)

instead he likes resting his head on your chest while you sleep

he'll be like half laying on his stomach half laying on you

and he'll tangle his legs into yours and wrap his arm around your stomach

and good god this man will literally spontaneously combust if you play with his hair

pet it, braid it, scratch it

do whatever you want to it he will eat it up

easily the fastest way to get him asleep

he also really loves listening to your heartbeat and syncing his breaths up with yours

it's always so satisfying to hear your heartbeat slow down when you fall asleep

also rudy has like five different blankets on his bed because he's a really cold sleeper

although with you he usually only needs one or maybe two because you're so warm

he's also a surprisingly pretty sleeper

you've been meaning to take a picture but you always forget because for some reason he just has a way of making you sleepy when he lays down on you

he's also a pretty deep sleeper but even then you try not to move because he always looks so happy

sometimes he'll sleep in the crook of your shoulder and then you can turn to face him sometimes

kyle "gaz" garrick:

kyle likes it when you cling onto his side with your arms and legs wrapped around him

he calls you a koala but he will also die if you stop

he just loves seeing you bury your face into his arm

especially with your legs wrapped around his waist

dang he eats it up

sometimes he'll turn to face you so you can cling onto his front

but he is a back sleeper at his core so it works out

he likes to wrap his arms around you and rub circles on your back or play with your hair

and also the smell of your shampoo has pretty much conditioned him to get tired

like there's nothing more relaxing to him than being able to breathe in the scent of your shampoo at night

definitely also whispers random things to you at night

sometimes it's romantic sometimes it's just him going down random tangents until he tires himself out

but it's his favorite part of the day because he gets to have you with him and explore weird thought experiments

sometimes you'll respond but you usually fall asleep pretty quickly he notices

and he definitely has a picture of you wrapped around him as you slept

it's his lock screen on his phone and it always makes him happy

gaz is like a medium deep sleeper

he also somehow stays really still when he sleeps

like he'll go to bed and wake up in the same position

also he always has to keep like one leg out of the blanket or else he gets too hot

john price:

price likes it when you sleep on top of him

like on top on top of him

he wants you to be his personal blanket

he'll cuddle with you this way anywhere too

on the sofa, on the bed, on the floor (?)

(maybe if there's a soft rug or smthing)

he likes to wrap his arms around you and feel you sorta melt into him as you relax

i mentioned smthing in a previous hc about price wanting a weighted heated blanket for christmas

but let's be real

you are the weighted heated blanket

it just makes him feel really secure and protected

and he's holding onto you so he feels like you're safe and protected too

sometimes he wraps a leg around yours too

and yes price is a snorer what can i say

he'll insist he doesn't snore and then let out the most god awful noise you've ever heard

honestly the price girlies are the true heroes for putting up with that

respect.

(i am a price girly too)

alejandro vargas:

alejandro likes the intimacy of cuddling so that's very important

he also likes being the cuddler but he's always down to be the cuddled

he's a fan of the classics like spooning

but usually he prefers a position that's more equal

that's why alejandro loves to fall asleep hugging you with both of you on your sides

maybe your face is buried into his chest and his hand is wrapped around the back of your head

he just likes holding you close to him can you blame him

he definitely plays with your hair too as you sleep

and he loves whispering sweet nothings into your hair as you fall asleep

he's also very physical so he likes to be touching you at all times

generally just a very sweet and considerate lover and cuddler

also he used to be a chronic insomniac before he met you

but feeling how warm you are and hearing you breathe just manages to relax him

so with you he's able to sleep deeply

[spro-o]

i noticed that in your art you referred to gowther as auncle and that had me kicking my feet so may you please spare your nnt gender/sexuality headcanons and fave ships? hope your exams have gone/are going well and that you have a great weekend :D

*laughs evilly* yes,,,, my time to shine,,, >:3

thank you very much for the ask!! indeed i would love to share my queer hcs and favourite ships for the gang!!

hcs (heads up, some references to horny preferences)

Meliodas:

trans man (he/him) (im not projecting, trust) (lie)

pansexual

he has a very high libido/pervy tendencies, yes, but also an equally strong potential for romantic love - i do think of him as quite the possessive/protective type on a very deep emotional level, he just covers it up by acting like a perv all the time (something something traumatised and doesnt want others to see him caring for people since he fears they will take them away from him)

top-leaning switch and much freakier than his appearances may lead some to believe

Diane:

cis woman (she/her)

bisexual

has definitely kissed elizabeth multiple times on their "girl's nights/sleepovers"

the type to blush and fawn over every woman in existence,,,, and her husband too ig

pegs king on the regular

Ban:

masc-alligned genderqueer (he/they) (not projecting again) (another lie)

bisexual

finds men and women attractive at about an even ratio

he picks his clothing to be so slutty for a reason (queer signalling + hes a sucker for that kind of attention, though he might act like he doesnt care) (he cares most when said attention comes from meliodas, which is affirmed every time mel takes the chance to feel him up)

bottom-leaning switch and the most masochistic masochist you ever will meet

King:

cis man (he/him)

bisexual (god damn all these bitches bi ‼️‼️)

i think we all know how king discovered his like of men (,,, cough,, helbram,,)

yeah helbram definitely pull a couple of those 'leaning in for a kiss/doing some other gay shit' stunts as a joke and was like haha got you and king was just sat there, bright red, blood streaming down his nose

denied these stunts had any effect on him whatsoever

gets pegged by diane on the regular

Gowther:

non-binary (they/them) (intersex??? i mean, theyre a doll, probably got interchangeable parts lmao)

demisexual and demiromantic gay/queer

they dont really have a specific label to describe what genders theyre attracted to, its just sorta 'anything goes if we vibe', and its gay either way, so they keep it broad

as mentioned, theyre referred to by gender-neutral titles, but dont mind the occasional "miss ma'am" for comedic effect

tends to prefer bottoming, but not exclusively

Merlin:

nb trans woman (she/they)

aro-spec lesbian

shes never had much luck or want for romantic relationships but has definitely had her fair share of thotin around with women

very skilled at rizzing up said women, but its really a 50/50 whether shes doing so to get someone laid or to acquire her next social-experiment subject (whom she will also probably dick down later, who knows)

Escanor:

cis man,,,, he/him

straight,,

sorry yall, gotta have the token straight ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tho i do hc as being aware of the fact that merlin wont return his feelings, but having accepted that, so all the poetry he writes for her is more of a sign of appreciation of her as a friend, and not as an attempt to hit on her

Bonus!!

Elizabeth:

cis woman (she/her)

pansexual

the type to have gotten so so many crushes when she was younger,,, finding everyone really attractive and charming, and as a result being the most easily flustered person ever

as each sin rejoined the group, shed have her mandatory moment of "oh god,,,, its another very very hot/attractive person"

switch, but very gentle and caring no matter the position

Elaine:

demigirl (she/they)

sapphic

very easily flustered (extremely weak for elizabeth)

pillow princessing all over the place

Zeldris:

non-binary (he/they/xe)

bisexual, with a preference for women

tends to be pretty resistant to flirtatious remarks and whatnot, but is the absolute weakest when its from gelda (professional simp /pos)

,,,, also a massive bottom, but i digest

Gelda:

trans woman (she/her, also doesnt mind they/them)

demiromantic bisexual

knows exactly the effect she has on zeldris, but loves pretending she has no idea

shell say "oh, sorry just need to grad a book from the shelf behind you" and then get her boobs as close to zel's face as possible without making skin contact, and stay there until xe's gone bright red

hung

ships:

Melban - obviously, this one goes kinda goes without saying for me. i absolutely love the dynamic between these two, and their shared history as well. they are both very much sick in the head and have so many issues they each struggle with, but at the same time they cant take anything seriously. there are countless interactions between them which are just so so homoerotic, if not just really sweet. these two quite literally will go to hell and back for the other without a second thought, and i adore that (say its bros bein dude all you want, you cant convince me they didnt fuck in purgatory and on many other occasions)

Elilaine - theyre like melban but less punchy, more of the "normal about expressing love for the other". i know there arent many deep interactions between Elizabeth and Elaine, but i just, once again, think that they have a really adorable dynamic and would just make for the most lovely couple (with equally deceivingly harmless looks, but very much the potential to whoop ass if need be)

Geldris - these two, despite canonically being just a straight couple, are one of the most queer duos in the damn series,,, they just are, man, idk. big fan of them both being very gothic and stuff, and obviously im a sucker for how much zeldris buckles at the knees for anything gelda does,,, love them

Hendreyfus - old,,, old man yaoi my beloved (i just think theyre really adorable and are like and old married couple - very cutes!!) (also yeah old men)

i also do love the rarepair (? polycule) of all time, that being melban x elilaine,,, we should have seen more interactions between mel and elaine, and between ellie and ban!! they definitely got up to all sorts of stuff, i just know it

anyways!! thank you very much for the ask!! thankfully i only have one more exam left on monday and then im free from those :,) i hope you have a lovely day!! :D

[pinkpastels113]

I'm holding up my hands like a little kid waiting for candy and am asking for some more vamp!chloe beale headcanons pretty please

PHEW the way i saved this ask for last bc i am READY to give you a lil treat rolo (im so glad there's people also feral for vamp!chloe):

inspired from cheapthrillsbeca's fic(s)

chloe can tell how the person that she's drinking the blood from is feeling. like if they're scared, horny, on cloud nine, etc

chloe can walk in the daylight. "evolution" is the best response HAHA cuz like dude it's the 21st century come on now-

(but maybe she would need like high spf sunscreen or an umbrella or shades or something if she has a beach day or anything like that where she would be in harsh direct sunlight for long periods of time, otherwise she would get vampire sunburn/major headache if not)

she CAN drink human blood and it DOES taste amazing to her but she usually drinks animal blood unless someone specifically requests to be bitten and drank from (but more about this below)

they def (bechloe) have HEAVY make-out sessions/rut when she drinks from beca ADFGHJSK and beca is desperate/horny for it

chloe doesn't need human food to survive. i think it's kind of like. a snack sorta thing for her. like a kitkat. like you cant get full from it but you can enjoy the taste and share the activity (eating human food) with friends and catch up w them

OKAY MY OWN

vampires are inherently sexual and hot. i personally believe that in order for them to "allure" their "prey" they have to have some kind of strong pull of attraction radiating from them, almost magnetic, esp towards people that they also find attractive, so that it makes it easier to... yknow :)

even tho it was mainly for pp spookfest my fic implies that chloe has this. like. hunger on halloween every year for human blood. bc like that line from hocus pocus: "halloween is the one night of the year where the spirits of the dead can return to earth", and like. y'know? the one night of the year where chloe feels particularly inhuman/undead ig. she becomes a tiny bit feral (kind of like the vampire version of hangry for us)

(beca counts the days down till halloween for this reason^^)

her fangs don't exactly retract? or protrude. they just sort of sit there in her mouth. but they extend and become sharper when drinking human blood. or when she wants to. (bc just bc she won't until she gets consent or when it's halloween and she needs it doesn't mean that she doesn't crave it from time to time lmao.) like basically her fangs are just sharper than her surrounding teeth (i have two teeth that are sharper than the others lmao so this is not that farfetched) but it's not super noticeable until you get really close but they will become even pointy-er and longer when she's drinking/thinking about drinking (for those hazbin hotel watchers out there this is the same concept as charlie shifting into demon mode whenever she's super mad, upset, frustrated, and im assuming Excited as well :))

oh also her eyes kind of shine when the whole fang thing happens

havent decided when she's Turned yet but hmm 1970s? during the wars? what do we think yall

super flirty bc "they won't last anyway so might as well as fun while they do" and "i'll outlive them so might as well fill every second with love" kinda thing. but then beca comes alongg teehee

that's it for now!! but open to thinking more about it :33

[justmystyles]

Hey, you are literally one of my favorite writers out here. I honestly love every piece you've written, it's just all really really really good. (guess I am not as good with words as you, oops)

Anyway, I am so glad your requests are open. I was wondering if you could write something where the reader comes from a difficult family. emotionally abusive mother, distant father, eldest daughter syndrome, all that jazz.

So she's sort of moved away but still keeps in touch with her family cuz she does sorta love them but it's hard. So it's like she's got some body image issues and she's closed off, pretty funny but likes to use humor to hide her feelings, has a lot of acquaintances but doesn't like sharing herself with people much (why do I feel like I am describing someone specific lol)

And one day it all just becomes too much ig. I don't know exactly how the story goes, guess I am just looking for some comfort. had a weird few days.

Honestly, love you work. You're great. Thank you for reading that bs. Doesn't matter much if you decide to write it or not. You're already perfect. <3

Let's talk about this ask I got a few weeks ago, shall we?

First of all, I am honored to be considered one of your favorite writers on here, your words are so sweet and I love you.

Now, getting down to business, this ask genuinely made me cry because I know this reader. I am this reader and it was truly terrifying that a stranger on the internet described me so well to me. As soon as I read this, I knew it was going to be my next series, and after weeks of taking down notes and ideas, I finally started actually writing it today.

It'll still be a bit before I start putting it out there, this premise means so much to me that I want to really take my time and do it the justice it deserves, but I have included a little teaser for you below the read more so that you can get a taste of what I'm working on. I've also tagged my tag list peeps so that you all can see what I've been up to.

I'll still be working on NYIML and the other asks I have (if you sent me one, I love you and I'm working on it, please be patient, life has kind of blown up over the last week or so).

You would watch on in awe, watching the music come to life, watching Harry work. From time to time, you would meet his gaze, noticing a softness in his eyes that warmed your insides. You brushed your feelings off, reminding yourself that Harry was just a kind person. He probably looked at everyone like that. He would often invite you to join the group for lunch, or drinks after a successful session. You always declined politely, certain he was just asking to be polite. 

But Harry wasn’t just asking to be polite, and those looks that he threw in your direction were different than the way he would look at anyone else. He was fascinated by you, he felt like he needed to know more. When he met you, he thought you were beautiful, and the refreshments that you had laid out showed how kind and thoughtful you were. But he knew there was more to you, and he couldn’t wait to find out all of it.

You truly were the studio mom, always making sure everyone had what they needed. You would bring coffee and breakfast in the morning, make everyone’s lunch orders, or reservations if they decided to go out. But you would never join them. He found that curious, but also disappointing. He understood if you wanted to focus on work while you were all locked away in the studio, hoping to take those lunches and extra curricular times to get to know you, but those moments never came. 

He had asked your coworkers about you, hoping to gain some kind of intel that could help him break the ice. Everyone told him how sweet you were, always asking about them and their goings on, but often changing the subject when the conversation would turn to you. He also learned about how funny you were. He would have never guessed, based on how quiet you’d been around him. He figured some of that was because of his celebrity status, he was used to people being shy around him, but they would typically warm up over time. You hadn’t. 

There was a bit of worry in his mind that maybe you had an issue with him. You weren’t cold with him, you had always been incredibly kind in your interactions with him and that threw him for a loop. He racked his brain, trying to think of anything he might have said or done to upset you, but nothing came to mind. Perhaps you just weren’t a fan of his? Whatever it was, he was determined to figure it out. 

One afternoon, he was coming back from lunch and he overheard you talking to someone in one of the studios. He lingered by the doorway, he knew eavesdropping was wrong, but he was desperate. 

The conversation wasn’t much, you were just talking about a television show, but he heard the excitement in your voice and couldn’t help but smile. You sounded so cute. And then you laughed, and he could have died right there on the spot. You had an incredible laugh. He wanted to do anything to be the reason that beautiful sound came out of your mouth. 

Harry was so distracted that he didn’t notice that you were coming out of the studio. You weren’t expecting anyone to be standing there, so you bumped right into him. 

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Harry.” Your eyes were wide with panic.

He put his hands on your shoulders to steady you. “Don’t be. That was on me. It’s what I get for zoning off in front of doors.” He chuckled. 

You smiled politely and nodded at him. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?” 

“I was actually hoping to talk–”

He was interrupted by the ring of your phone. You pulled it out of your pocket and saw your mother’s name flash across the screen. “Crap, I’m so sorry it’s my mom. Do you mind if I take this?”

“No, not at all. You should always take calls from your mum.” 

“Right,” you scoff. “You’ve never talked to my mother.” You answer the phone, walking away quickly. 

He noticed your posture stiffen when you answered, and he hoped everything was okay. Once you were out of sight, he left, returning to the studio. “Y/N is taking a phone call, she’ll be right back.” 

When you finally returned, you apologized with a smile on your face, but Harry could see the sadness in your eyes. You took a seat at the computer, and he came up behind you, placing his hand softly on your back. You subconsciously relaxed into his touch. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked. 

You put on your best fake smile, which he immediately saw though. “Yeah, thanks.” 

He wanted to press, but he knew it wasn’t the right time or place. He also wasn’t totally sure you even liked him.

@allthelovehes @ameerakane20 @ash-craze @bethanysnow @blue-ballad @blueraspberryreader @brightlightsinlife @creativelyeva @cute-as-ducks420 @deannaard @fanficismydrug @gem1712 @golden-hoax @gothmingguk @groovychaosavenue @hillzrry @iceebabies @indierockgirrl @jerseygirlinca @jng4kook @jooniesbabie @kaverichauhan @laurxn-robinson @lexiecamposv @likeapplejuicenpeach @lilfreakjez @mrs-anna-styles211994 @n0vaj3an @potterheadandsherlocked @rach2699 @ravenclawdirectioner @stylesfeverr @superchrystaldrug @tenaciousperfectionunknown @tiaamberxx @thechaoticjoy @theekyliepage @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @youknowwhaaat

[autumnbrambleagain]

Hi, first time reader, first time caller. I ended up reading proselytize in between my various beginner runs in qud to keep me motivated. It's really good! You're a very talented writer with a great sense of pacing, character and style! I was just wondering though, do you have default builds for all the daughters of nafpor, or are they more like archetypes?

oh gosh thank you! i am always stunned at how well received proselytize has been, i'm glad people are enjoying it so much

i experiment a lot with them when i play them, so i have a lot saved, although TBH a lot of them are older characters from over a year ago

here's suir softbeast's canonical build, although this is just like. her base, larval form without any of her chimera stuff. there's a mod that lets you pick what your chimeric limbs are when evolving so you can have the exact same suir softbeast experience, the randomization of it means any future suir i play without that mod is going to be a radically different suir

you'll notice her intelligence is like, pretty high! it's said in the game she ends up being one of the best tinkers in qud and just convinces herself she's only good for being a blodshedding hedonist. my suir build strats were pick every physical mutation i could get, get extra limbs, the usual chimera stuff. i used swords as my main for the DV bonus and lunge action economy stacking, and axes in all the other offhands for dismemberment procs

it uses the marshtaur sprite, although i'd wish in a tattoo gun and recolor her in all white and gray. if i ever played her again i'd probably modify the sprite to make her look more like herself

here's tiyu-yutep's last build. psychometry isn't actually Very Worthwhile, but it was thematic and i'm the kind of idiot that will make a build for theme rather than efficiency. this is, in fact, a pretty BAD build, which I think is on its own level thematically important. the daughters of nafpor aren't all supertwinked hyperspecced characters, some of them just Played Good

normally i'd replace her sprite with a cat cherub sprite, but at this point next time i ever end up playing her i'd just make my own sprite for her

in actual gameplay i'd use precog and nectar to reroll mutations so i have a bespoke list of mental mutations stacked up as high as i can, and complement them with a ton of tinkered nonsense. tiyu-yutep's build is about maximizing options in every situation. something bad is happening? that's fine, i have 12 kinds of grenade, 10 mental mutations, and eight guns to solve it.

that's one of my igwashim builds, unlike tiyu and suir being kinda jack-of-all-trades (my preferred style ngl) ig is very much a "scry, teleport in, blast everything to sleep, axe axe axe axe axe axe axe" build

mutation points aren't spent on new mutations at all, and exist just to fill out the efficiency of her existing mutations. i use a mod to make teleport more accurate at very high levels, because teleportation is my nonsexual fetish and i crave being able to pinpoint teleport after i hit level 10

still she isn't just a bump-attack character. maximize information gathering and ambush tactics, never play fair. appearance change wish to turn her tile into a crypt ferret's, naturally, although now that i've started fumping about with modding, i'd just like. actually make a clade so instead of it saying "Mutated Human" it'd say "Mutated Ferret" or something. make it so dromads don't call me human they call me "ferret" or something

her having Socially Repugnant would be appropriate narratively but i never bothered with it since she didn't need it, 10 ego is enough to represent her being a talking animal

i don't have any specific build saved for Savithvyr, she was one of my first Qud characters and was just a Fuming God-Child specced around agility, willpower, and intelligence, mostly using gas grenades of various kinds alongside the billowing conch. also not an optimal build! but it was fun. flood the zone with gas and just sorta stand back and pick at the survivors with a gun or stab them with triple-element gaslight kris

there's a mod that lets you play goatfolk which i used for naara, but in version updates i don't have it installed right now and i'll be honest i don't remember what i did with her much other than mental mutations

ooo-ho-OOO-EEE-ah and Buwofu-gawufoo were actually companions that Savithvyr and Suir picked up in-game, they were never characters i played directly but as companions they lasted so long they felt like they were part of those characters' identities and so they had to make the transition into the game proper.

the brambled fae's original build is NO LONGER POSSIBLE because they increased the cost of horns, which i think is HILARIOUS because why shouldn't it be an actual illegal build?

not that it hasn't had a dozen different builds ANYway. it's my go-to most-used build and based off of one of my fursonas at its core, so it's the culmination of my bullshit jack-of-all-trades obsession.

MILD SPOILERS but ive posted it before on this blog anyway, it DOES have its own sprite since i still play variations on it regularly enough i made a sprite for it

although that doesn't really represent what it looks like in the story

that's getting a BIT closer to what it looks like when we finally get to the brambled pass

[fraudulent-cheese]

actually I would be interested in your heather/eva thoughts if you wanna share them......

OK. ok im actually on my computer so it's time to attempt to be articulate!!!

So my memory is uh. shit. and i don't remember when i really started thinking about them? I know it was AU related however, since i said so in my reblog of this post but im unsure which one it was??? (like it def wasn't my swap au but i don't think any other ones i had running around my head had them at the time) And it was just a pairing i thought was neato at the time. i was uh, a little more focused on other ones (courtzzy. and alenoah.) + i hadn't looked into Heather's character yet so it got sorta put on the backburner.

I had to dig up rambles i left in discord wayyy back in june to clean em up a little to try and explain what scratches my brain about em!!!

Funnily enough it's got very little with the few canon interactions they have - which mostly consists of Heather stealing Eva's MP3 player then giving them back after the challenge's over, Eva ranting about her dislike of Heather during Haute Campture, and one or two moments where she's just part of a crowd.

The thing that drew me in at first was just how opposite they are:

Like you have manipulative, pushes everyone away, has huge trouble being genuine Heather, and then you have blunt, straight-foward, values honesty Eva. You have Heather who places both alot of importance and feels alot of resentment towards her feminine presentation, while Eva seemingly doesn't care and presents more masculine (for this show at least).

They do have some things in common however; they've got alot of anger in them for one! They're both interested in leadership positions, and both fail to reach them for different reasons. I also headcanon both of them as neurodivergent and neither are super aware of it. They also don't have many friends, but would definitely get attached to the ones they make.

I have the very specific vision of eva being the first girl heather crushes on and her not knowing what those feelings are or how to deal with them and assumes they're fully negative and it must be hate because she's not acting how "a girl should" and she's fine with it so there has to be an issue with it (and it's definitely not because heather's lowkey jealous of Eva's ability to just be herself or to admit to and work on her own flaws without getting shamed for them by the people closest to her, totally not. It's not that eva gets genuine connection that is completely alien to Heather at this point, no)

Meanwhile Eva is not remotely aware of Heather's inner termoil and doesn't like her for her scheming and dishonesty but will admit that she is pretty, even during her bald era. (This would probably fuck with Heather's feelings for the girl even more, because what do you mean the literal manifestation of her insecurities still thinks she's hot like this. That must be a trick of some kind, no one could think she's even remotely beautiful like this and not be lying out of their ass to make fun of her but this is Eva. Straight foward, blunt Eva. Why would she lie?)

Also i genuinely do belive that Eva's female bully label mostly to fully originates from her anger issues and the complete lack of acomodations or therapy for it, most likely worsened by her status as an immigrant (remember the Island bios?) and the bullying she most likely received as a child for it. Guess who was also most likely bullied growing up for not fitting it? Heather.

I've been developping an AU alot that is currently stuck in the interns server/astrokyle's server limbo because there's a couple parts i wanna get out before i start talking about the actual fucking meat and bones of the au but what i can say is that heatheva happends in it and it's been a blast both figuring out what happends and Heather's arc in it as a whole. I have talked about them in the context of a no Total Drama AU before however, so uh. Feel free to read it ig.

I also had an idea for a fic a while back for them and i might write it out eventually, but it's a fic that takes place in the short inbetween period of island and action in which after a conversation during lunch, Heather takes interest in Eva's music player (spoilers: she actually likes the music she's composed). I have no fucking clue when it would be finished tho (reminder that im in medschool and while it's pretty calm now it's not gonna be soon) but yeah!! The girlies, they've been on my mind :)

[cocozydiaries]

more mha dr asks!!!!!!!!!!

do u have any ideas for your hero costume etc.

anyone you're excited to meet??

any sort of idea on what you look like (physical description ig)

YESS MORE ASKS!! love these sm coz i gotta dig through the depths of my mind to answer them.

question when you guys ask me stuff do you like the overly long answers or should i keep it short? coz like the original answers were wayy longer this is literally me tryna keep it short😭 i actually have a problem

Hero costume:

tbh like most things i’m leaving this one for when i shift there but unlike most things it isn’t coz i want my subconscious to decide. Honestly i do not have the sense of style needed to come up with a good hero fit HOWEVER my drself does!!

i definitely want smth either pink or blue. me and uraraka are gonna be twinin🤭!!

i also know that i want smth kinda flowy. i loooove dresses and i mean i feel like smth flowy would just match my water based quirk yk?

i don’t have any inspo but honestly i’m probably not gonna look very hero like😭

anyways might be kinda odd but i looooove magical girl type of outfits sm! and before y’all go “but that’s so impractical for hero work!” not for me it’s isn’t 🙄

i genuinely did script i have a magical girl type of concept tho but still sorta practical to work in😭

Who i’m excited to meet:

i already know ik them in my dr but i cannot wait to meet my dr family! might be kinda cringe but i actually just might like my family??

i scripted in my cr sibling’s because idk🧍‍♀️. tbh i just can’t imagine being anywhere without them😭

i also can’t wait to meet my cat!! My family adopted a ton of pets because rich people but I specifically ended up with a stray cat i found at the pharmacy.

funnily enough that’s actually smth that happened to me here! except my mumsies said i can’t have the cat so instead the pharmacy took her in but i still get to visit her whenever i go there (she’s so lovely i love her sm!) anyways in my dr i ended up getting to adopt her instead. happy ending yippee.

AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE HER SHES LITERALLY MY BBY☹️ i also scripted (for my own mental health) that pets live wayyy longer now by like 10-20 whole more yrs coz i cannot imagine any of my kids dying before me

if you were wondering the total amount of pets we got a cat, dog, snake, and duck. and like random bird feeder thingies my parents added to the garden. the whole food chain ong

ig i’m also excited to meet up with some old childhood friends? Genuinely asking tho would it be weird to meet up with someone you used to be really close friends with but haven’t seen in a few years😭? Me and my drself are both baffed.

AND OCHAKO ML🫶🫶 i’m gonna meet her at UA probably BUT I HOPE I MEET HER BEFORE THAT TBH😭 but trust we’re gonna be besties

i scripted i’m super good at baking coz she mentioned she likes sweet stuff so i’m gonna spoil her with all sweet stuff i make😈 devious plan

Appearance stuff:

since this is a safe space… i feel i should share that i did in fact change my appearance. I don’t have a specific face claim (i wanna be surprised tbh) but mostly i just changed some of my facial features to their best version. looksmaxxingcore unironically i fear💔

i scripted that my face looks pretty and whatnot (in a very like unique way coz ugh she’s so different and quirky and unique🙄) but i still look and feel familiar to myself.

Also idk if you guys have heard that theory but like apparently after spending enough time with someone you start to look like them? Ik that theory generally means like clothes and aesthetic rather than actual facial features but i did script that even tho me and my siblings are adopted we somehow look similar to each other and our parents.

But the biggest change is probably my hair. in a reality where i can have any hair colour and you think i’m not going pink?

anyways i scripted that i have like pink streaks of hair in my otherwise black hair!! gonna match so well with my hero outfit!

smth like this!!

tbh it doesn’t matter coz i do dye my hair often so i’m probably gonna end up with a ton of different hair colours anyways

aside from that my hair is still its lovely curly self! i love my curls and never wanna get rid of them but i did script if i like straighten my hair that it STAYS straight even if i sweat and whatnot. i haaaaate when you get those curly little wisps peeking through coz of that😭

anyways that’s all for now! i love answering asks sm so this was real fun but i also love hearing about ur mha drs SO TAG ME IF YOU POST ABOUT THOSE

[cluster-b-culture-is]

hey!!! if its ok i’d like you’re thoughts on something ig and to sorta ask you something

so im bodily 15 atm, and i have cptsd. when i look at posts regarding certain cluster b experiences (possibly some cluster c aswell) i relate a LOT (obviously im not saying that bc i relate that i have these disorders, i just kinda have a feeling that *something* is going on). its tricky bc i keep looking into things and i cant really find an answer. i also dont know if im too young and that its just because im a teenager.

i wont get into like what “symptoms” i experience rn bc i feel like thats a whole other conversation but yeah.

i hope i dont sound like one of those people that are like “i must have x bc i related to a silly video i saw” im just really confused and i feel like something aint right

i know you’re probably not professionals so feel free to delete or ignore this if its too much, but if not, what do you think?

So, here's the thing (and we will attempt to avoid being patronizing): It is absolutely correct that your age and emotional/psychological development can affect things, and that the process of development can cause things that look like mild symptoms. It's also correct that that combined with c-ptsd (and any other disorders you may have; you'd be surprised how many symptoms and comorbidities autism, ADHD, NPD, and BPD all share) can make it extremely hard to determine where your symptoms are coming from and whether there might be something more.

(You're also correct that we are not professionals; this is all coming from our own research and personal experiences, so as with everything, take this with a grain of salt.)

However. I would argue that it would be far more harmful to deny any possibility of having a personality disorder until you reach some arbitrary age threshold than it would be to say that you do have a PD. Especially if looking at your life experiences through the lens of having a PD is helpful, and if resources for pw/[x]PDs are helpful to you. Even if you don't end up having a PD, that doesn't mean you were just a hormonal stupid teenager refusing to listen to the Adults™ or whatever the fuck--it means that you looked at your experiences, found something that seemed similar, and it turned out that you were wrong; but hopefully, along the way, you found things that were helpful.

Under the assumption that you have done a lot of research, I would personally recommend saying that you have traits of a particular disorder as opposed to saying you have the full disorder, and that is to two ends: one, a lot of adults with PDs (especially in ASPD spaces, if that's one of the disorders you're looking at) will kick your shit to hell and back if you even insinuate that you think you may have the full disorder (which I think is extremely counterintuitive if we want teenagers to understand their experiences and, yknow, not develop a full-blown personality disorder, regardless of whether you think teenagers can have a full personality disorder); and two, it might help you target the specific symptoms that you're experiencing without saddling you with the belief[/knowledge] that you have an incredibly stigmatized and lifelong disorder.

A lot of this stuff depends on a few things: (A) what your symptoms are (and if they can be better explained by other things, especially other things you know you have); (B) how severe your symptoms are (like the difference between being generally grouchy versus being actively hostile); and (C) how long your symptoms have lasted (if they only started popping up in the past few months or the past year versus if you've had them for years and years).

If you end up not having a personality disorder, anon, I think it will still be better for you in the long run to explore the possibility instead of shrugging it off under the excuse that you're "too young". It could turn out that you never had the disorder and it really was something else, it could turn out that you have traits but not the full disorder, or, hell, it could turn out that, by using resources and support you found by being part of communities surrounding PDs, you ended up not developing the full PD (even if you may still have a few traits)--because, at this age, you are still developing, and you are changing a lot, and very little is set in stone when it comes to these types of things--and you should absolutely take advantage of that! And even then, speaking from a more selfish perspective, it will never be a bad thing for more people to understand what it may be like to have a personality disorder.

For a bit of actionable advice on determining whether or not you may have one, though:

(1) Do your research. Obviously it's great that you're getting information from people with the disorders themselves by looking at PD communities; however, not everything having to do with the disorder will be talked about, and quite honestly, Tumblr is a terrible place to find definitive information on the PDs. Life experience? Yes. Actual information looking at how the disorders work and what they can entail in full? Ehhh, not quite. Look at a variety of academic sources, but in the same vein, keep your wits about you--professionals aren't immune to ableism, and may often perpetuate it with glee. Some of it may be obvious, some of it might not be.

(2) Keep an eye on your symptoms--make a manual check against the actual criteria every once in a while (but keep in mind that the DSM is also deeply flawed and biased); @shitborderlinesdo has a ton of checklists based on the DSM and individual testimony that can help. We first started questioning ASPD when we were 14, and we'd do those kinds of manual checks once every several months or once a year or so. It both helps you understand what your symptoms are, and helps you keep track of how you're doing over time. Don't use online quizzes for this; quite honestly, they're not really good for anything except validation if you know you'll get a high score.

(3) Look at stuff other than personality disorders, too, and try to figure out why your interest skews towards specific disorders. For a long ass time, we believed we had StPD and did our absolute best to ignore any information to the contrary, because (due to our symptoms) if it wasn't StPD, the only thing it could be otherwise was schizophrenia, and we were scared shitless of the idea; at first because we were scared of the idea that our symptoms might've been so severe, but eventually because we were afraid to admit that we were wrong. (As I've said before, no shame in being wrong--do as I say, not as I do.)

Ultimately, I can't stop you from doing anything, and I can't force you to do anything either. I'm just a mentally ill guy with an internet connection. My life experiences have led me to this conclusion, and others may disagree with it--that's perfectly fine. Again, I am not a professional. You know yourself and your experiences the best, and I think by this point, you have enough understanding of yourself and the world to be able to figure out what'll be best for you and your health, given that you have the proper resources to do so. You are a being with life experience, even if it's less than others may have; you aren't a rock, and you aren't a three year old who still hasn't realized that touching the lit stove will equal a burned finger. I personally think that the way a lot of folks go about talking to and about teenagers who think they may have personality disorders is, frankly, infantilizing and invalidating, and it just ends up with traumatized and unsupported teenagers turning into traumatized and unsupported adults, with the added bonus of an extra helping of imposter syndrome to top it all off.

I hope you're doing well anon, and I hope you see this (sorry for responding so late lmao). Off into the world ye may go, hopefully with a bit more knowledge and idea of what to do next than you had before.

[enterjokeshere]

Ramble/vent ig 🤪

I've got so many cool creative friends with awesome ocs and awesome stories and awesome art that I genuinely love and really want to see more of but I'm always paranoid I over gas-up friends' stuff to the point it holds no weight if I am speaking positively 💀

Like I don't want to come across as " 🤩 WOWWWWW YOUR HOLINESS HAS GRACED US WITH THEIR PRESENCE!!! AMEN!! BOW TO THE CREATIVE GODDDDDD 🤩 🤩 🤩 " in response to every little thing if I'm not obviously playing it up as a joke lol, but I always worry people could get that impression from our interactions maybe? Esp since I'm not very good at giving specific compliments n all, so I notice I tend to leave the same positive comments to a lot of the art in my insta feed especially. Like I'll scroll through someone's account n see I basically left the same "So cool!! Sick work!" comments on back to back on posts like a week apart, bc that's just sorta my go-to.

Like best way I could describe it is, it's a sorta "survivor bias" where the only reason the only reason these friends ARE so present in my life is because I genuinely admire and enjoy their creativity. They've managed to catch my attention and keep it, so ofc I tend to express my appreciation enthusiastically. But there's always that nagging thought of "am I being too much? 🤪"

People who are total yes-men who don't challenge anything in life, never call people out, only have positive interactions w people they don't actually care for might actually be my biggest pet peeve 💥💥💥 It's just such an empty fake plastic life imo lmao. (Not that I think being an absolute hater to everyone is the way, but yk what I'm saying.) I'm not really creative myself, so seeing people just uhhhhh create... with their brains never ceases to really impress me. Idk, TLDR: if I've ever said I liked something or do a lot, pls know I ACTUALLY do really enjoy it and genuinely mean it each time? 😭

Ok, rant over lol

[limoncats]

hey, remember the tag on this post?

you know what? i'm gonna explain.

quick apology if the post sounds weird, it is currently 1 minute away from 11 pm as i'm typing this sentence.

ig this is a vent? anyway long post up ahead so !!

also apologies if this sounds stupid.

btw this post is not a self-diagnosis post

TWs for: mentions of self-h@rm, discussion of trauma

if these trigger you, don't read this! or do, but just be warned.

okay, so,

am i disabled?

alright, so am i physically disabled? no, not to my knowledge.

am i mentally disabled? i have no official diagnosis, but i am speculating. the speculation in question? this whole post

i have speculations that i have Asperger's Syndrome and possible selective mutism

Asperger's Syndrome

okay so. let me show you the symptoms and i'll explain

according to nationwidechildrens.org, the symptoms for Asperger's are:

i'll go over each one and tell you my experiences with each

now uh. i don't actually know what this means ;; but if this counts, i'll put it here: whenever i'm supposed to say basic things like "good morning," or "thank you," i can't seem to verbally? like the words don't seem to be able to come out of my mouth. it actually is more like that i don't even think to say them, so i don't. i remember this whole thing resulted in a fucking argument i had with my mother and her friend JUST because i didn't say good morning to him. as you can imagine, it was pretty traumatic. i think this may actually be more of "struggling to understand social cues," but eh.

i– yeah i can understand emotions usually (if i can clearly see it/tell based off of a person's facial expression what emotion they're feeling.) and i think my expressiveness is fine? idfk however kill me.

i can understand gestures just fine, unless i don't clearly understand what the person means? it's like if my mum points to something but i don't know where she's pointing to because i can't tell (and then she gets mad at me ;;). it might just be a thing on my mum's part but honestly i don't fucking know.

yes! irl the only thing i talk about with my school friends is CoAD since they like it too, and it's usually super awkward when i try to talk to an irl friend who doesn't know/enjoy CoAD so ;; and if they don't, sometimes i tell them about it and keep rambling on and on about it. now regarding the "convos revolving around them," part, i'm also pretty sure that's a yeah too? like yk when i ask a question like "guys what (insert thing here) am i"? i feel that i do that pretty frequent and i think it counts so ?

nah i think my speech is fine

mfw CoAD

auhhh???? i don't know i don't have memory of it so i think no

uh. if getting mad at my mum for making me do chores while i'm having fun either watching a video, talking to friends or drawing counts then uh. yeah

oh ofc. like i memorised how tall Wadanohara's familiars (Memoca, Dolphi, Fukami and Samekichi) are and when Yonaka's birthday is instead of memorising what the word "verbatim" means (it took me some time to memorise)

i don't think i'm that clumsy + my handwriting is fine and it's easy to write so

ohhhh Hm. so i can hold emotions pretty fine (it does sorta hurt to hold in so much anger) but sometimes they do come out a little and i end up like punching my thighs or something. it's happened at school before (yes, i've actually punched my thighs out of anger before)

uhhhhhhh??????? i feel like i'd have to get reeeeally specific for this one and i'm not feeling it right now

now to lights and touch i'm fine, but sound? lemme explain. so i can listen to like a video at (somewhat) loud volume while at home, but if i overhear like loud music coming from a club i get uncomfortable and i sometimes cry

so that's that for the Asperger's part, now let's move on to:

Selective mutism

i'll format it basically the same as the previous section so.

according to NHS, symptoms of selective mutism are:

"characterised by a sudden stillness and frozen facial expression when they're expected to talk to someone outside of their comfort zone" is so real ngl

anyway

yeah i do get nervous. i assume i look so too

my mum tells me i come off as rude, she says like, "hey you can't just stay silent! that's really rude!" wow mum i feel so much better! (<- lie) also i'm pretty sure i come off as sulky because whenever i frown around my mum's friends, once we're separated for something, my mum always says "suratına asma," which basically means "stop frowning." you have no idea how angry i get when i hear that my god.

nah i'm like. 99.9% sure that i come off as the opposite of clingy

yeah i sometimes describe myself as shy (sometimes is emphasised because i usually don't like calling myself "shy" because it makes me feel cringe.)

i. don't know lol. i guess so yeah? yeah i think so actually

i'm not aggressive (at least not physically or verbally), but i do get pissed when my mum asks me. ofc i don't let it out because i don't want to fucking assault mother

now i didn't include this because i don't think it's a disorder, but whenever i go through something traumatic (or the aftermath of something traumatic), i question if i'm real? like i think i sorta put myself in this sort of delusion that i'm living in a nightmare i can't wake up from whenever i go through something traumatic

also i hate looking in a mirror due to questioning who i'm looking at

i still question who i was looking at in the mirror that one day to this day.

i'm not sure if this is dissociation because i don't understand the definition of dissociation, or if it's part of a disorder. i did suspect DPDR, but i don't know i don't think so ? i'm also not sure if this is just puberty with the whole "questioning who you are" thing (though i think that's in terms of identity, not fucking questioning your REALITY 💀)

have i tried getting a diagnosis?

yes, i have, actually, so let me explain:

i wrote a text document to my dad about my speculations on having Asperger's, but he just laughed it off and said "i've met people with autism and you're NOTHING like them haha!!!" which was just. okay dad.

he suggested i tell my mother and i agreed

now this is when things go downhill 😭😭

so i told my mum when i went back to hers and she also basically had a similar response but she agreed to get it diagnosed one day.

then some time later she tells me that i might have to wait 2 years to get my diagnosis so 💀💀💀

and then one day i start telling her that one of my school classmates recommend talking therapy and all of a sudden she gets all hostile like "why do you need to label yourself? what difference does it make? it's unnecessary" which is VERY funny considering this woman is a FUCKING SOCIOLOGY LECTURER WITH A PHD.

we've had a couple arguments about it and it still pisses me off. she even practically made fun of me to her friend's husband when i went to The Netherlands last week and she was like, "yeah i think her generation has a weird obsession with needing to label themselves?" mum do you hear yourself. oh i'm sorry i want to improve my mental health by knowing what's up with me and attempting to get support.

SPEAKING of trying to get support once diagnosed, during one of our arguments over if diagnosis really does anything at all, in response to her saying, "what do you do with it?", i said, "i can well. try and get support ??" and then HER ASS responds with, "THERE IS NO SUPPORT."

FUCK YOU MEAN THERE IS NO SUPPORT???? YOU'RE A SOCIOLOGIST YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THERE IS.

i haven't told either of my parents of my speculations for having selective mutism, though i feel it'll just go the same as what happened with the Asperger's shit so

i think my parents just have stereotypes of autism that i don't fall into so thErEfoRE YoU'Re noT aUtistiC!!!!11!1!!

anyway so that's practically it. thanks for reading what absolute insanity i've gotten myself into, and also what state my mental health is in!!! (ofc this isn't the entirety of my mental health lol.)

have a good day/afternoon/evening/night ♡

— limoncats

[milksteakkk]

So *slides into your ask box*

Go crazy with Angel please 🙏👁️👁️

YESSSSS THANK YOU

i really wanna talk about all the shit hes been through because its very important to how he acts, specifically how he acts post roti

so the most obvious instance i can talk about is the wolf attack and the amount of damage (both mental and physical) it left him with. if this man was scared of dogs before, hes downright petrified now and literally cannot be in the same room as one. his brain sets of all of the alarms when he even hears one and you can bet that hes never gone w/out sleepless nights because of the incident. nightmares yay !!

he doesnt wear short sleeves anymore to hide the bite and claw scars to the best of his ability, but some cannot be hidden as well :(( in a weird way he sorta blames himself for running away from the challenge and getting lost in the woods and i dont think he'll ever stop thinking its his fault

okay ummm his family !! oh boy

his mother is a very uncaring individual. not very empathetic and honestly shouldnt have had kids but here we are ig. i mean. she tries to care but isnt very sympathetic towards him, not even as a kid. angel being trans doesnt really help this either as shes mainly supportive but he'll " always be her little girl " according to her. yeah ew. yeah shes a young mother w her own issues but maybe dont neglect your kids just a thought. also shes a chainsmoker so angel hates cigarettes

angels twin sister (darcy) isnt as bad but god does she have an ego. she thinks shes better than angel because.. she kinda is. shes cooler, more outgoing and more talented than him and she doesnt really shy away from rubbing it in his face. they have a rocky relationship but things are good for them in the end. they compete in rr together ^_^

angel definitely has a lot of issues that he just hasnt really resolved because he doesnt think its all that bad. hes really clingy because he grew up friendless (and practically motherless. mommy issues and friendless ?? pick a struggle) until total drama where he meets sol, dunkin, athena and charlie among many others :,)

but yeah. silly guy. i think he has autism

[bluelockednyx]

mind if i brainrot about rin/isarin in your anon asks? sorry, i know of zero other isarin shippers on tumblr 😭 personally, one of the reasons isarin has such a tight grip on me is because of rin himself. i was thinking abt this for a while but now ive got a bigger urge to talk about it cuz of something that the author aparently said about his depiction of his character. his edginess is sorta how he represents rin's apparent attempt at "having to become an adult" which i thought was interesting. the author also said he thinks his desire to grow up is why rin intentionally complicates his relationship with sae. to me, it reads as though rin associates maturity with broody angst. reminds me of a lot of the "friends are stupid, everything sucks" type of faux maturity where ppl think them closing themselves off to healthy emotional support is them being logical. the fact that he's younger than isagi makes a lot of his underlying naivete matter a lot to me and my feelings towards this ship. ig i use isarin as a way to develop rin opening up to love and affection again, and realising that growing up is so much more than just being angsty 24/7 idk if this makes any sense tho. i could just be being dumb lmaoo

I will take any and all opportunities to talk about Isagirin, and yes, there are very few of us, so ask away as many times as you want :D

I'm not surprised Kaneshiro-sensei said that -- referring to his edginess specifically -- about Rin, because he and Nomura-sensei did a really good job showing it in the manga! The sweet, sweet angst of growing up in shonen manga; Rin being all broody about it is so typical teenager but also depicted so well.

The edginess and 'friends are stupid, everything sucks' mentality is a side effect, imo, of being so attached, and then badly hurt by Sae. I would say that it's a bit of a self-defense mechanism too, because if his own brother, whom he adored so much, and he's sure loves him back too, could hurt him this badly, then it's a bit of a no brainer for someone who's not even family, to hurt him too. I'm pretty sure Rin hesitates to let himself get emotionally attached to anyone at this point, and I'm also pretty sure he's not fully aware of this part of his psyche yet.

On growing up and how Rin intentionally complicates his relationship with Sae: I think yes and no, on this. The simple part - they're brothers, and they always will be. Neither of them can erase that even if they wanted to.

On the complicated part - sibling relationships can be very complex, and just because at the end of the day they can interact properly with each other in a civil manner doesn't mean that there hasn't been real damage done in a relationship, and to a person's psyche. Even the dumbest things done without real intention of hurt can cause lasting psychological effects, whether or not the person knows it for themselves.

Kaneshiro-sensei views Rin as intentionally complicating his relationship with Sae. I don't. But YMMV with this: this POV is personal, and there's a ton of cultural aspects to consider which I am definitely not in a position to talk about.

Sae was cruel to Rin in the flashback when they had their 1v1 after Sae came back from Madrid, and Rin never gets the chance to address that issue because he never gets to communicate properly about it with Sae. There's probably a camp out there who says Rin should just get over it, that Sae said it in the heat of the moment, but I'm not part of that camp. I don't believe in sweeping stuff like that under the rug. It's not fair to the person who was hurt. It's also, well, a common tactic in abusive relationships to trivialize the victim's feelings, which sits even less right with me.

We know Sae better because we get an omniscient POV as readers, but from Rin's perspective, Sae stonewalls Rin and never tries to explain or elaborate. While I do agree that trying to talk in the middle of a football match isn't the best place for it, it still doesn't change the fact that they wouldn't be in this situation at all if it weren't for Sae (and also for the sake of compelling plot drama). Sae definitely owes Rin an apology imo, though given what you've just told me about Kaneshiro-sensei's view on Rin intentionally complicating their relationship, I really doubt he's ever going to have that happen in the manga, so :/

And yes!! Rin being younger than Isagi was something that I had suspected back when they were doing the first 3v3 matchup, from just reading the way he spoke. It was confirmed later, I think, in the yoga scene, then the character guides. And yeah, one of Rin's bigger flaws is definitely his lack of close relationships. It severely limits his ability to empathize with other people, and can become a horrible feedback loop in and of itself. Yet, like I said in my meta, if Kaneshiro-sensei wants to develop him into a healthier, more well-rounded character, that's what Rin needs to do -- develop relationships with the rest of the Blue Lock boys as equals, and become actual friends.

I get you!!!! That's what I want for Rin in the Isarin ship too. Just Rin opening up to love and affection again from Isagi, and growing up and realising that he needs friends the other Blue Lock boys that he can count on too. Let's be dumb about fantasizing Isarin with a loving and affectionate Rin together!!!

[the1975attheirverybest]

yoo this isnt super 1975 related but i remember watching clips of matty sorta "lecturing"?? (idk if u can call it that) the audience about how too many people r fainting in the pit, and that if the person next to u needs help dont call him, pull em out. etc etc and when i first saw him say this i was like "hes right but hes being a bit mean about it"

well i took my lil sister and her friends to a gracie abrams concert last Friday and like FIVE people fainted????? and i heard a similar amount of people fainted the day after. it was RIDICULOUS. i dont wanna be mean cause the audience felt pretty young (like high school, early uni age) but like ..... everytime something happened in the pit they called to gracie for help???? and in the words of matty healy, wtf is the performer gonna do?

idk kudos to gracie ig cause she stopped the show multiple times but like.... is this the new norm?? this is only my second time in the pit post-lockdown so it might just be gracies demographic??

idk i just wanna know if this is smth other people r observing

i will never call matty a meanie ever again

Yeah, I mean, I think, to a certain extent, it’s not super new? Diehard fans have always had this as an issue because going above and beyond for your fav artist has always been a thing. Not to age myself here, but this used be mainly a festival issue. Cuz like it’s mainly people standing and they’re packed together like sardines. Especially in the summer. With the heat and dehydration and all. Even Matty recalls doing this for green day. Like remember when he would talk about being in the front row and specifically planning to get onstage with green day at age 13 and stuff? And how the day of the GCSE results, instead of worrying about grades he was more concerned with the festival attendance hahaha. So, like, I think he’s seen the consequences enough times and doesn’t want his band to be the reason someone gets hurt. Like their love for the band causing them to be harmed would be so shit.

As for the mean-ness thing….part of it is his personality I think but also in his defense, people need it sometimes. Even I do it in big classrooms where I have like 50-70 students. I’ll be asking them to swap papers together and give each other feedback. Or maybe get into groups and stuff. But even after I assign everyone a role, they just sit and stare at me. Saying “okay guys let’s go ahead and do it” doesn’t work. I end up clapping my hands violently and being like “what are you asleep in your chairs? Let’s fuckin MOVE MOVE MOVE” that’s when they’re like “oh. Right ok this is happening.” Lmaoo. So like he’s just cutting to the chase cuz time is of the essence. Both in terms of the show but also you don’t want someone to dedicate to death while youre tryna be sweet and kind to people.

[pinkysberg]

I saw the other anon talkin ab how people on tiktok complain John isn’t the same in the first and second game,and while this is sorta off topic,some people (and when I say some I mean like three people) have pointed out johns body-frame,specifically how it’s diffrent in the two games.In the first game you can clearly see how Abigail only reached to his shoulders and he’s a bit more meaty but in the second game him and abi are the same height and he’s not as meaty witch is okay ig. Idk I feel like more people should talk about this and this seemed like a good starting point

i literally make john's body up in my head all the time bc like. if i compare him to arthur they're genuinely not that different in build. but i literally can't see him as anything other than a slender, lanky string bean man. which he very clearly is not. but in my head he is.

but i think the height changing issue stems from the way cutscenes are blocked and framed. most of the characters are the same height more or less, especially in cutscenes. just because it can be hard to frame characters with noticeable height differences when you're cropped in so close to see all the 4k detail they've put into them. y'kno?