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[animalawesomeness]

Long Live by Taylor Swift

I love them so much I'm going to blow up

[filurig]

so my frend made a Cruel evil joke (joke) about my last post about kicking arvo while he's shapeshifting. Because fun fact the reason why basilisks are so vulnerable during shapeshifting and why its a big deal to do it with company is that if the "shell" that forms (basically the skin/feather husk of their previous form) suffers trauma and bursts before the process is over, the half-melted half-formed meat goo will just come out. and sometimes its conscious before it inevitably dies. which inspired the first image (not canon dw)...

but that made me sad to draw so i sketched up a small comic instead. idk if its fully canon but either way itd happen post-story, during a time when folke is feeling discomfort and some resentment towards arvo... but the dream disturbs him even so

[blubiart]

pewpewpewpepwepwepwepwepwpewpewpew wawawawawawawahhhhghghghhhahghgh

[ceaselesswwatch3r]

I just think yes, to err is human, so don't be one should be in what we do in the shadows

[symerr]

A misty memory 🎶 A haunting face

[basilletheprecious]

Hough I've been putting this off for awhile cause I haven't wanted to accept the reality of it but. Yeah. Gotta do it eventually

So like. I'm boutta be homeless! :'D

I've got some peeps who are getting me hooked up with a ride to a homeless shelter

Long story but I kinda gotta. Move states in and be homeless there instead, cause like. I don't have a support network for myself where I am, I don't have any connections with anyone to helo me out. But I will where I'm going. Nobody's gonna take me in, but I'd have people who can help me out when I need it. Which is better than like. Having nothing at all.

So it'd be rightfully stupid of me to not take that opportunity yea?

Problem is err, I'm still gonna be homeless, obviously. So I kinda need money

For like. Anything

Food, clothes, hygiene supplies, transportation, what have you. Unlike the other times I've regrettably had to make a post, this time around there's not going to be any sorta set goal for how much I need.

I just need like, money, in general. Seriously though, please help me out besties.

https://www.paypal.me/HunterNohejl

[b-o-e]

late night confessions Wally Darling x Reader

Warnings: confessions!!! the L word!!! AHHH!!! a bit of julie slander ahbha! reposted cause tags weren’t and still aren’t working, on the one I was most excited for :’)

although it is not necessary, I highly suggest reading my fics in their recommended order for the best experience! here is the link to all my silly lil wally fics in order. this is #5 :)

The phone ringing late at night allows opportunity to come knocking.

“Hello?”

Who was it calling him at this time of night? Isn’t everyone usually asleep by now? Was something wrong?

“Hi,”

Your voice emitted softly through Wally’s phone.

… Oh?

“... Are you alright?” Wally quizzed, holding his handset between his shoulder and ear. He picked up the base of it, twisting his torso to get a glimpse at the clock. “It’s late,” he mumbled, grasping the phone back in his hand.

“I’m sorry,”

“I don’t mind in the slightest,” he soothed your worries. You went quiet, but Wally gave you the time. He didn’t mind waiting for you. A few moments later, you spoke again. 

“... I couldn’t sleep,” you admitted.

“Ha ha, I think I know how that feels,” Wally jested, earning a giggle from you. The corners of his lips subconsciously tugged upwards a little more at the pleasant sound.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be one to speak, huh? That was insensitive,” you chuckled, apologizing.

“I don’t mind, I’m quite used to it.” He reassured, “What keeps you up though, neighbour?”

Silence fell, until there was a bit of shuffling from your side of the line.

“I’m not entirely sure,” you sighed, seeming distressed. “I just… maybe my brain is being too loud, tonight.”

“Is there something on your mind you’d like to speak about?” Wally took a seat on his arm chair, left leg crossing over top of the right. The phone base rested on his knee, now, his free hand toying with the line.

“I…” your voice trailed off, “I’m not sure, honestly,” you grumbled. “I think…”

“I think I just wanted to hear your voice,” 

Wally gaped, eyes widening. 

His voice? 

He was flattered to hear that. Especially coming from you.

“Wally?” 

You chuckled softly, “sorry, that was probably a strange thing to say, wasn’t it?”

“Not at all,” he spoke quickly. “I’m honoured to hear you say that, neighbour,”

“Okay,” you murmured. 

It went quiet again. Wally picked at a loose thread on the arm of the chair, trying to figure out what to say next.

“Would you mind…”

He paused his movements. Seems you beat him to it. He waited patiently for you to finish your sentence.

“Would you mind, just… talking?” You requested shyly. 

His smile grew a little wider. You’d called him, just to hear his voice? His belly twisted with glee.

“Hmm…” 

Wally thought for a minute, wracking his brain for anything interesting. “Would you like me to talk about anything in particular?”

“Anything,”

“Anything…” Wally repeated, humming. His thoughts drifted back to what Eddie and Frank had told him the other day…

“Simply and utterly, I’ve run out of ways for you to drop hints,” Frank admitted, rubbing his temples. 

“Me too, if I’m being honest,” Eddie chuckled, “I think you’re just at the point where you need to say it, in the way that is the most natural and the most… you,”

“‘The most me’?” Wally reiterated, “how so?”

“Hmm… give them a call, perhaps?” Frank pitched, “That’s very you,”

“Yeah, it’s like how my staple is letters, yours is sorta calls,” Eddie agreed.

“No interruptions this time, too, that’s a guarantee” Frank uttered with a huff, reflecting back on their last plan. Darn Julie…

“Give them a call…” Wally hummed in thought, twiddling his thumbs. “I suppose that could work,”

“But,” Frank raised a finger, “you cannot simply call them and say it out flat. Timing is important!”

“Oh. How will I know when the right time is?”

Frank faltered. “Huh. How do you know when the right time is?” He turned to Eddie.

“Err… I don’t know? I mean, you just feel it, I guess,” he shrugged, hands raised defensively. “That's all I can think of. It just came to me, personally. I just… knew,”

Wally pursed his lips in thought.

Was this that time?

Nerves tangled inside of him like the phone cord around his fingers. 

It felt like it…

He sucked in a deep breath, slowly releasing to calm himself down.

“Can I… confess, something to you, neighbour?”

“Of course you can, Wally. I’m always here if you need me,” 

“... Do you promise?” He murmured softly.

“Cross my heart, always and forever…” you recalled words he’d once said to you. He found his smile twitching upwards a little more, cheeks warming.

“Well,” Wally stood up out his chair, slowly walking to the window. “I have… a secret. One that I’ve been keeping from you, that’s about you. One that I've found to cause me some distress,” he admitted.

“I hope I haven’t done anything wrong,” you fret, your concern clear in your voice.

“No, no, you’ve done nothing wrong at all,” Wally clarified, smiling to himself. Of course that’s where your head went.

“Thank goodness, I was terrified,” you chuckled with relief.

Wally hesitated. How was he meant to do this?

“Sorry, neighbour,” he apologized, realizing he had not said anything for a while. “I’m struggling to find the right words to say it to you,” he sighed.

“Take your time, Wally.” you comforted, “There’s no rush. I’ll be ready when you are,” 

Wally sucked in another deep breath. This was why, he realized, why he felt the way he did about you. Your consideration, your empathy, your patience… everything.

Slowly, he exhaled, letting his eyes fall shut as his body relaxed.

“Your eyes…” He murmured. By instinct, the image of you popped up in his head.

“They rob the words off of my tongue,” 

He heard the hitch of your breath.

“My heart,” He continued, “it sings with euphoria every second you are near,” he pushed out a light, shaky chuckle. “Ha ha… we may as well call it yours, with how full of you it is,”

His eyes drifted to the wall, examining one of his favourite art pieces in his possession. 

“It’s no secret how I enjoy indulging in art quite frequently, and yet, you manage to be the most extravagant masterpiece I’ve come across,” he murmured, voice holding nothing but sincerity, among something else.

“You’re unfathomably endearing. I crave more of you every time we part… that night we spent time together under the stars?”  He stared out the window, into the night, reminiscing back a few weeks to a time he had nearly confessed, only for it to have been ruined by Julie interrupting them. 

“There were so many things I wanted to say to you then. I wanted to tell you that if you asked me to, I’d figure out a way to give you the moon. That, despite the sky full of them above us, you shine brighter than any star up there in my eyes,” 

“And here I am, after all this time, still dancing around the point that I’m trying to get across, ha ha,” Wally’s eyes wandered to his desk, gazing among the disregarded letters laid upon it. Spit it out already, he thought. He’d taken long enough already.

“The truth is, my darling,” he murmured, soft and sweet, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m in lo–”

Click!

His heart skipped a beat, eyes shooting back open.

…

The line went dead.

…

“Oh.”

His heart plunged into his stomach. His legs refused to move.

His arm slowly dropped to his side, fingers still tangled in the coiled cord.

… 

He’d been rejected, hadn’t he?

…

What now?

Well, he hadn’t exactly thought this far ahead.

When he had, it wasn’t with an ending like this.

What did he miss?

Despite Eddie and Frank’s assurance that you were returning signs of attraction towards him, he always had a twinge of insecurity in his mind. Maybe he should’ve paid more mind to it.

Had he been too forward? Moved too fast?

It hurt. 

His chest felt tight. His free hand raised, clutching onto the front of his shirt.

It hurt badly.

His body was tingly, and his eyes were beginning to sting. He brushed his fingers against his cheek, meeting with the wetness on them.

“Oh...” He repeated, voice breaking as he slid his back down the wall as his legs gave, sinking to the ground. 

So you hadn't felt the same, after all.

AVHAGHGSHA hi :)

I hope you enjoyed! expect the unexpected! there is still more to come for this though, please don't hate me too much abahaha! if you haven't read the other fics but are interested, here they are, in their recommended order!

here is a link to my silly lil wally fics in their recommended order if you would like :) these can also be found on my ao3 B) I also have a ko-fi if you'd like to support me!

thank you for reading! likes and reblogs are very appreciated (especially cause my tags decided not to work today gsdfhdd) and are my main source of dopamine abhsabba B) UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

Posted Tuesday, May 2, 2023, at 10:46 AM

[every-aj-needs-an-angel]

I read this amazing idea and this sorta wrote itself. I hope it's everything you were hoping for @piratefishmama

"ugh. fuck," Steve groaned into his pillow. He'd never felt worse.

What the hell happened last night?

It was dark, but there was daylight trying to peek through the curtains, so it must be morning.

Wait. Curtains?

Steve didn't own curtains, and neither did Robin.

Steve tried to focus his alcohol-soaked brain on his surroundings; he was in a hotel room, that much was obvious, and there was a napkin sitting under last night's wine glass on the bedside table, but as he reached over to rescue it, Steve caught a glimpse of a ring on his finger. Weird. Steve didn't often wear jewellery, rarely ever wore rings but... ah! Vegas!

Of course! Their post-firing Vegas trip. Steve turned his head on the pillow and automatically regretted it.

"ugh. robin," Steve murmured, "Robin," he tried a bit louder. She was still ignoring him, curled up in all the blankets, sleeping peacefully when Steve was suffering. Such a blanket hog, Steve thought churlishly. "ROBIN! Ow, fuck!" Steve hid his face back in his pillow, shouting was not the way to go.

"stop yelling," the body in the blankets grouched. Because holy fuck that most definitely was not Robin! "Who the fuck is Robin?" the guy groaned, finally deigning to stick his head out of the covers.

Steve lifted his head and blinked owlishly. That was a face he most definitely did not know. Jesus Christ! Steve launched himself upright, only just realising that he was fucking starkers in bed with a complete stranger. "Who the fuck are you?"

The guy had the nerve to smirk as Steve tried and failed to cover his modesty, but at least had the decency to pretend to be removing the sleep from his eyes in order to give him a modicum of privacy.

"Eddie," he introduced with a half-wave, that stupid grin still gracing his lovely features, "wha' 'bout you, Big Boy?" Eddie asked, cheekily waggling his eyebrows at Steve.

Steve could feel the blush burning his cheeks, he didn’t have control of enough of his faculties to deal with this, going home and pretending this never happened seemed like a great idea right about now. Steve slid himself to the edge of the bed, placing his head delicately in his hands, gearing himself up to get moving, preferably without seeing the contents of his stomach. “Steve,” he muttered.

He could hear movement from the other side of the bed, the sheets moving sounding like Eddie was rolling a dumper truck through the room, followed by a blissful silence that was only broken by a quiet "err, Steve?"

"yeah?" he whispered, not that it really did anything to ease the throbbing in his skull.

Eddie moved again and when Steve looked over, Eddie had leaned across the bed onto the pillow Steve had vacated, trying to get a better look at his hunched form, worrying his lip. Odd, he doesn't seem the type. "You aren't- are you? Wearing a ring?"

Huh? Steve's eyebrows scrunched together, he's not exactly used to waking up in bed with a stranger, but minor lifestyle choices aren't one of Steve's main concerns right now. "Yeah. Why? Men can't wear jewellery?" Steve sniped.

Eddie rolled his eyes so hard he was in danger of losing them, lifting both hands to show Steve the many rings he wore on his fingers. "No. Don't be dense!" Eddie reproached, waited a moment and sighed deeply at Steve's visible confusion, "Look at the finger it's on."

Shifting his left hand in front of his face, Steve glared at the plain gold band glinting up at him from his ring finger. It took a second but when the realisation finally dawned it knocked all the breath out of him, "oh. shit."

Steve looked over at Eddie wide-eyed to find him nodding in agreement with the sentiment. "Yeah. Oh. Shit." Eddie echoed.

This just didn't make sense! It'd been a long time since Steve had consumed so much alcohol, he probably hadn't been that drunk since high school, yet somehow someone thought he was in a fit state to enter into a legal contract! "I don't even- they can't've let us? We were drunk!"

Eddie just shrugs, doesn't look even nearly upset enough for Steve's liking. Steve glares at him trying to convey how insane this situation is, Eddie just gives him a look that says "it is what it is". Steve continued glaring, an internal monologue of this is insane, why aren't you freaking out? I'm freaking out! We're strangers and now we're married and oh god we're gonna have to get divorced! I'm gonna be divorced! I don't wanna be divorced! which clearly just frustrates him because Eddie just throws his hands in the air and shouts, "We're in Vegas!"

And suddenly all the fight sucks out of Steve, he slumps back over covering his face with his hands, feeling the slide of metal against his cheek and mutters "fuck. we're in vegas."

But he didn't come here alone! Robin! His best friend and platonic soul mate. And oh how Steve adores her because she's smart, she'll know what to do! "I need to find Robin!" Steve decides, jumping up off the bed, and immediately standing perfectly still so the room stops spinning. I just need to get dressed and find Robin, she'll know how to fix this!

Eddie still hasn't moved from his spot, lounging elegantly across the pillows, the sheet draped gracefully over him like some kind of artist's model. He raises a judgemental eyebrow at Steve, "Robin?"

Unhooking his jeans from the lampshade, Steve grins at Eddie, he's not the first person to assume they're an item. "My best friend," Steve clarifies, but Eddie doesn't look convinced, if anything he looks even more pissed off, his face doing that complicated, pissed off, 'I'm assuming I'm being lied to', twist snarl.

Steve looks, really looks, at Eddie. Steve doesn't know much about him, other than the fact that he's incredibly pretty because really eyes that big and beautiful should only be allowed on magazine covers! He's completely covered in tattoos, which is so hot, not to mention those rings! And he's cheeky as fuck and absolutely unafraid to stand up for himself, which is a first for Steve. People who don't know him usually find him a little intimidating, which is insane, but Robin assures him it's a them thing, not a him thing. And although that's barely anything to know about a person, Steve'd already dearly love to know who'd dare to hurt him, he'd just like to chat, honest. "She's a lesbian," he adds, just to really drive his point home.

It seems to surprise Eddie, his eyebrows shoot up before he grins back at Steve, all teeth and sparkling eyes, trying to hide his face in his mane! Because that's really the only way to describe the majesty of his hair. And oh he's blushing, that's adorable. Eddie clears his throat, sitting up a little straighter, "oh. Yeah. I should probably find Chris," he agrees like he's saying what he's thinking out loud, quickly clarifying, "she also likes women."

They're smiling gently at one another when the phone starts to ring, Steve striding back to the bedside to answer it, hearing Robin shout "Steveeeeee!!"

That sets the ringing off in Steve's ears again, ow! "Robin, shh!" Steve chastises.

Robin's uninhibited by Steve's grouchiness, "I just wanted to say... Congratulations!" she singsongs.

"You know about that?!" Steve's utterly bewildered, surely she wouldn't...

"We were there!" she shouts excitably, as though she'd personally been invited to Area 51, instead of witnessing something as stupid as Steve getting married, while too drunk to even remember the name of his husband.

husband! Steve thinks pathetically.

"we?" he asks meekly, hoping beyond hope he hadn't done something ridiculous like invite his mother or his ex.

"Me and Chris!" Robin shouts, in the background he hears another voice woo-hoo and then say something incomprehensible that makes Robin giggle.

Steve sighs, rolls his eyes because of course! And purposefully catching his eye, smiles exasperatedly at Eddie, "they're together," he informs him.

Eddie snorts a laugh and shrugs, "makes sense," he murmurs as though this is all completely normal behaviour. Maybe it is for them, Steve doesn't bloody know.

Turning back to his phone conversation, Steve asks, "Why'd you let me do that, Rob?" It comes out as whiny and pathetic as he feels, forcefully rubbing his forehead to try to ease the tension building there.

Robin barks a laugh, and she's right it is funny, no one's ever been able to stop Steve from doing anything he set his mind to. Doesn't mean he doesn't want someone else to blame for the fact that he doesn't remember his own wedding and that he's going to be divorced before he's thirty!

"You're in LOVE, Stevie! Who am I to stand in the way of love?"

Robin always manages to explain the most bizarre things as though they're completely ordinary, making them sound almost reasonable. It baffles Steve every damn time. Like she just said "You were sick Steve, so I took you to the doctor" instead of "You're in love with someone you met yesterday, so the obvious solution was a drunken wedding"!

Steve sighed, trying not to be annoyed with her, "Bobbie, I met Eddie less than 24 hours ago! What am I, a fucking Disney Princess?" the vitriol soaking his words would've upset most people, but Robin never flinched, even when he was being the world's biggest dick.

He could practically hear her eye roll through the phone, "No Dingus, you're not a Princess!" she sounded almost sympathetic for a second, but she couldn't hold back the bubble of laughter, "You're a King!" she proclaimed, cackling so hard she snorted.

She hadn't let up about "King Steve" since she’d found his yearbook, signed by all his dickhead "friends". She thought high school cliques were ridiculous, thought prom was even worse, and the idea that Steve had been so popular he'd been elected as an imaginary sovereign as part of their fabricated hierarchy had her rolling around the floor laughing for a solid ten minutes.

"Jesus Christ!" Steve muttered pinching the bridge of his nose, nothing was ever as funny as she thought it was when she was drunk, especially not when she was funny-drunk and he wasn't nearly drunk enough.

Robin stopped laughing abruptly and gasped as though she'd forgotten something. "Steve. Stevie. Evievievie! Guess what, I haven't been to bed yet!" she declared proudly. Steve had no idea what time it was, but as far as he knew the last time she'd slept had been on the plane, and that hadn't exactly been for very long.

"Maybe it's time for bed then?" Steve reasoned, trying to hold on to the last of his patience.

"No! Nooo, I'm with a girl," she whispered conspiratorially. oh jesus! Like he didn't know that!

He was far too sober for this Robin, it was fine when she'd do it in a club, wander over and be all "Steve, I've been dancing with a girl!" mainly because he was drunk enough to join in with her level of wonderment (even though he'd just watched her do it). Right now though, with the weight of his life choices on his shoulders, trying to wrangle his best friend was driving him slightly mad.

"I know," he whispered back. He could hear the pings and dings of the casino in the background, but other than her gentle breathing, Robin had gone suddenly eerily quiet.

He was just about to ask if she'd nodded off upright (it wouldn't be the first time) when Robin and Chris whined loudly, "We're bored, Steve!" jesus fuck! He had to move the phone away from his ear, so his skull didn't crack open. The fact that they said it simultaneously being equal parts creepy and adorable.

It was then that Eddie's stomach rumbled noisily, he'd been quiet and still the whole time Steve was on the phone, not even looking in his direction apart from when Steve spoke directly to him. That was until Steve's stomach grumbled in agreement, Eddie glancing up at Steve through his lashes, amusement dancing in his eyes and god when he smiled like that!

When was the last time any of them ate? Robin hadn't shut up about Vegas' newest waffle place (that had basically inspired the whole trip) since she'd heard about it from Gina in accounting. Maybe some food would do them all some good.

"What about some breakfast?" Steve suggested, he still had his eyes locked with Eddie's and found he wasn't just talking to Robin. Eddie nodded coyly, getting off the bed to gather his clothes from wherever they'd been flung.

"Oooh!! That's a great idea! You're so smart, Steve! I love you!" Robin squealed in his ear and Steve yanked his eyes away from Eddie as he sauntered naked around the room, staring purposefully at the napkin on the bedside, absentmindedly playing with the ring on his finger.

"I love you, too. You going for waffles?"

Steve liked to check in, it wasn't that he thought Robin was incapable of taking care of herself. He just worried. The love he felt for his found family had a depth he'd never thought himself capable of, and Steve didn't even know who he'd be without Robin by his side.

But Robin always knew him better than he knew himself, could practically taste the pensive thoughts through the line, "We're going for waffles, Dingus! Don't forget your husband!" she yelled and hung up.

"jesus fucking christ!" he muttered to himself, putting the phone down.

A husband! Steve didn't even have a job, let alone a career, but he somehow now had a husband. And the thing was, Steve couldn't even say he hated the idea. He didn't particularly like the idea of marrying someone he couldn't remember knowing, but he knew he'd always been one to fall too hard, too fast. His fuckbuddies were different, he could separate his emotions from sex under that context but the moment an actual relationship was mentioned suddenly Steve was all-in.

Maybe Eddie was an all-in kinda guy too?

Eddie had seemed flustered at first but he relaxed into it pretty quickly. It was intriguing to meet someone so laidback and spontaneous. Steve and Robin were always pretty happy-go-lucky, jumping from job to job without giving it much thought. But out of everyone they knew, they seemed to be the outliers, it was nice to meet such a free spirit.

Not that Steve had always been this way, of course, it was all Robin's good influence. From as small as he could remember his parents had brought him up to care more about what everyone else thought, than about his own thoughts, wants and opinions and honestly, it had him wound tighter than a springboard for the first twenty years of his life.

It was Robin who'd taught him that it was okay to do what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it, that what he wanted mattered. It took a while but she got him to get to know himself, the real him, not the guy his parents wanted him to be. Steve kinda hoped he’d be able to get to know Eddie, like really get to know him, beyond just breakfast with their respective best friends.

Speaking of, Steve looked around to find Eddie had left the bathroom door wide open, a clear invitation to join him. Steve faltered for a second because they should probably talk first but honestly, it'd been a long time since Steve had felt as good as he did when Eddie smiled at him and he was kind of sick of denying himself things that felt good.

Fuck it!

As he shuffled towards the bathroom, Steve rescued the rest of his clothes from the floor, his shirt was still tucked inside his jacket, dropped carelessly just inside the room door. A vision flashed in Steve's mind, he and Eddie in the lift, he was shirtless and rutting against Eddie as they frantically made out, watching in the mirror behind him as Eddie licked and nibbled down his neck.

Holy shit! Steve had only ever that horny for someone in public in the relative privacy of a club bathroom stall. Anyone could've joined them in that elevator, hell there might've been someone in there with them, he didn't think there was but he couldn't remember. They were lucky they hadn't been arrested! Anywhere else and they might've been, but luckily Vegas was well known as the City of Sin. Hopefully, the hotel security were just used to it.

There was steam pouring from the bathroom by the time he'd pulled himself from his musings, the mirror above the sink showing nothing but a blurry outline of himself, not that he needed it to know he looked rough. The shower door, like the bathroom one, had purposefully been left wide open, steam billowing out along with Eddie's voice.

Because Eddie was singing, loud and angelic, over the sounds of the shower. It wasn't a song Steve recognised, something about the sun, the moon and a seal, Eddie could've been making it up for all he knew. Not that Steve cared, it was sublime. Pulling him in like a siren song, Steve couldn't help himself, he just kept inching closer.

And as heavenly as Eddie’s voice was, which was truly one of the most exquisite voices Steve had ever heard. It was nothing in comparison to the vision Steve was greeted with as he finally reached the shower. Eddie had his head tipped back, rinsing Steve's expensive shampoo out of his hair, the length of his neck alone had Steve salivating. There was a little tattoo poking out from under his earlobe that was practically begging to be investigated. And a single freckle sitting just to the left of his sternum that he felt the overwhelming urge to lick.

Steve didn't get more than a cursory glance at the rest of him because it was then that Eddie straightened up as though he'd sensed Steve's presence. As he wiped the excess water from his face with his hands, Steve noticed that Eddie had removed all of his rings except the shiny gold band that joined them, almost like he hadn't wanted to take it off.

Another vision came to him, of him sliding that very ring onto Eddie's finger, of him taking Eddie's hand and kissing the still cold metal, glancing up at a grinning, misty-eyed Eddie through his lashes, an overwhelming surge of joy exploding through his chest.

It made Steve giddy and he was suddenly unable to wipe the stupid smile off his face, Eddie beamed back, warm and inviting, little droplets of water catching in his eyelashes from the pressure of the spray hitting his skin as he'd watched Steve remember.

The breath was knocked out of him when he immediately felt the overwhelming need to touch Eddie, to be in his space, to kiss him so thoroughly that neither of them knew where one of them began and the other one ended.

And Eddie must be some kind of mind reader because a truly mischievous look overtook his features as he reached out his ringed hand to Steve's to yank him under the torrent and into his arms, giggling cheekily when he pushed Steve back against the freezing cold shower wall, happily swallowing Steve's shocked gasp.

Part 2

[bossarmadimon]

I REMEMBER THOSE FICS

And I miss them dearly.

So, there's a type of fanfic from the mid 00s that I honestly kind of miss.

Basically, it's the characters from the franchise and how they act "off camera." Sometimes talking about the kinds of fanfic they're starring in these days and how annoying some of them are. The specific one I'm thinking of was Digimon-based by (I think) CrazyEights in ffnet.

There's a variation in the MST Fic, where the author has the canon cast (or some of them at least) reacting to bad fanfic, but I'm mostly thinking of the previous paragraph.

And what I'd really like to find is one of that style of fic starring the Mario Bros. cast. In part because it's half canon already that they're basically just actors.

[r0tt3n-corpse]

Fandom: Batman: The Animated Series

Oswald Cobblepot x Gender Neutral Reader headcanons

Warning, story contains: No warnings needed, just some very short headcanons on how you two meet.

Author’s note: I LOVE OSWALD SO MUCH, this is probably one of my favorite versions of him because he’s such a cutie

Meeting Oswald:

This story isn’t one of love at first sight, nor anything of the sort, because.. well, that’s not what happened.

You were just a worker, one at Veronica Vreeland’s manor. Maybe you were part of the waitstaff, maybe you were a cleaner or maid, the specifics didn’t quite matter.

Veronica threw parties often, as any rich person did, so you were at least used to it. You, admittedly, had been surprised to learn she was throwing a party for her new.. date, though.

Well, it wasn’t like it was something for you to worry about anyways. Your thoughts on your boss went only as far as your paycheck did.

You, of course, had to work the night of the party. It was a big thing, even for Veronica. Still, it wasn’t your job to care.

…but, you.. kinda did? It was weird, the way you felt as you accidentally stumbled upon Veronica’s new… err.. “boyfriend” as he was on the balcony. You’d never believed in fate, in fact it sorta made you anxious to think none of your actions mattered because fate would always make the outcome the same, but.. oh.

He was looking at you now. Wide eyed and stiff like a confused animal. Face, once scrunched up and scowling from learning Veronica was only using him, was now covered lightly by blush.

Okay, so.. it was only partially true. It hadn’t been love at first sight for you.

(I was originally going to write more but I can’t think of anything else to add so im going to just post it like this since I know Oswald lovers have seen starving for content 💔) (I’m the Oswald lover that’s been starving 😼)

[glitteringsunshine]

Gibbs’s Gal

Part 1

Pairing : Leroy Jethro Gibbs x Reader

( crossover with madam Secretary)

Reader’s POV:

“Okay the reports done.” Jay said. “ You think these joint task force reports would be easy, but getting approval from all the departments is a real headache.”

“ So what’s the final title of the report?” I asked.

“ Corruption in selected foreign military and the difficulties in building Infrastructure” Phew. Err some parts of the NCIS report has been redacted. I don’t know why.” Blake said.

“ Well we need to find out. I mean the it’s their marines who are working for the state building infrastructure. But state has the right to know ground data.” I said.

“ Yeah ,I tried to talk with the NCIS Director but he shut me out. “ Nadine said.

“ Well its not only State’s development money , but it is also the funding of many international Agencies. We can’t put up redacted reports to the UN.” I stated.

“ Well I will ask Russell Jackson to look it up. After all nothing is Privy from POTUS”. As his chief of staff Russell Jackson will know what to do.

….

“ Y/N , come with me to Russell Jackson”. The Msec said.

“ About the Corruption report?” I asked .

“ Yes”.

I quickly hopped in with Msec in her motorcade.

“ Ohh wow aren’t we going to his office?” I asked.

“ Apparently a top secret meeting is going to happen here.” She said.

“ Really ! In the Men's Restroom.” I rolled my eyes.

“ Well not my first choice” she chuckled.

“ Apparently Henry is coming in too” she said.

“ What’s DIA have to do with the report?” I asked.

“ Yeah I would like to know why I am meeting my husband in a men’s room too Y/N, sorta reminds me of college” she chuckled.

“ I heard the door open and saw Tony and McGee walk in.”

“ Hello Y/N, nice to see you”. McGee said.

“ Hello” Tony said warmly. “Gibbs asked us to come here, any idea why?”

“ Vague one. BTW meet the Secretary of State”

“ Huge fan” They said in unison. “ Ma’am you are my favourite politician” Tony said.

“ Don’t say that . She hates the word” I chuckled.

“ Done being a fan, Dinozzo ? Then we can discuss stuff.” I heard Gibbs say as Henry ,Gibbs and the Director of NCIS walked in, followed closely by Russell Jackson.

Introductions were made. Though all of us knew others by reputation.

“ This is Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs” Henry said. He is a fellow marine. He served under me in the marines. I believe you two have met before.”

“ Yes we crossed paths a few times related to work” I nodded.

“OK”said Russell Jackson. “In a Joint mission by NCIS and DIA we have uncovered alarming human rights violations in the countries mentioned in the report. The part redacted is actually the source that helped us uncover this.”

“ We studied the file” . “ Well State knew we were fighting Corruption, but this is cruel”.

“ Yes” Henry said. “ They kept it so hushed up , even CIA did not catch wind.” One of the translators working there when we were deployed as Marines has now rose in their military ranks. He brought this to us.”

“Henry, I mean Dr . McCord worked extensively with him, the asset ,our source. . Henry was not only my superior officer in the Marines, but we hung out together. Anyhow that’s how we met him , in a bar while we were hanging out. He was young , idealistic and Dr McCord hired him . We were in dearth of translators and he helped us. Anyhow we are planning to present the military leader in the international Criminal Court.”

“ We have frozen some of his assets. However he got wind of it. The dictator thinks there is a leak. Before we can pursue the dictator , we need to get our asset out. Now the state is visiting to Geneva right , to sign a trade deal?”

“ Now the asset trusts only Henry and Gibbs” Russell Jackson said. “ The asset is visiting Geneva with the dictator. We can take him in safety there. Henry and Gibbs have to go. Henry’s cover is as Msec’s arm candy. Gibbs will your date Y/N. Since the event in WTO mentions that staff could bring dates, he will be yours.”

I nodded.

“ Oh one more thing. The week in Geneva, you will be sharing a room with him. The dictator suspects we might to do an extraction. If by any chance he gets to know a staff’s date is in a separate room, he will get our plan. We need to be careful. “

“ I am Okay with it if Special Agent Gibbs is” I said , to which he nodded.

“ While Henry and Gibbs works the extraction, your job is to get the trade deal signed by him. It’s a multilateral agreement and when we present him to the International Criminal Court, there will be instability in the country. We don’t know if we could get his successor to agree to the trade deal. Since they control vital maritime routes , it’s important we get them to sign the deal. “

“ Now that his assets are frozen, he might use the trade deal as a leverage to unfreeze it. We can’t unfreeze the assets. Then the dictator would escape before we could get to him.” Russell said.

“ So Y/N” you would have to drop into NCIS once to work on your cover.” Henry said.

“ While you are at it familiarize Jethro with the protocols okay.” Msec said.

…

Jethro’s POV:

I saw Y/N walking in with a huge binder. How on earth does she work in those heels. Well they were sexy though. I would like to fuck her with those boots on. Wow from where did that thought come from. I blinked to get that image off my head.

“ Well here are the protocols. Covers the banquets ,dinners etc. There are pointers on the meet and greet style for people from different countries. Learn them” she said taking off her coat.

“McGee pointers” I said handing the file over to him.

“ Gibbs protocol is important. Go through it.” She said leaning against my desk.

As she did ,I could see her cleavage peeking out from her blouse. I suddenly had this urge to cup her voluptuous breasts, knead them. She was inches from my mouth. I wondered how her lips would taste. Her dark red lipstick looked so enticing. I got this urge to brush my thumb on her lips, to kiss her with a passion she has never known. Her eyes beneath her glasses spoke of wild seduction and pure temptation. Like the finest whiskey in a crystal glass, it sparkled against the light. What attracted me more was the inherent kindness and exuberance that was reflected in her eyes, like hot chocolate on a cold December night. I couldn’t look away from her. She held my gaze until she blinked. “ Gibbs you have to read them okay. I don’t care if Mcgee helps with a framework or something , but get it done, okay. McGee I will highlight the important points.”

As she bent down to talk to McGee, I couldn’t help but stare at her ass. The loose skirt she wore did not really highlight her body, but as she bend down, I could see her attractive curves, the voluptuous beauty if it, from the bent of her hips and ass to her lovely thighs. I heard her laugh with McGee. Suddenly I was filled with an insane jealous rage.

“ Do your job McGee. You can laugh and fool around later. Y/N in Abby’s lab now. Let’s get it over with the cover story . I have other cases to solve.” I said.

I barged out ,Y/N following me.

“ Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs” Abby said. “ Look I went through the Admiral’s journal.He was going through a divorce right. So I finally managed to read through it , not easy because of the codes , but look he found out that his lawyer arranged for someone to roofie his wife and take suggestive photos , making everyone believe that she had cheated. That’s when our missing Admiral wanted to confront the lawyer.”

“ I need more Abby.”

“ See the lawyer meets her clients out of her office. She has this weird jamming programme where we can’t triangulate her cell location. But if we get her to meet , I can access her cell data, her client list , her records of who she set up , how she got the roofie, who she used a photographer, everything.”

“ We need to get the location of our kidnapped admiral. Or else she would leverage that for a deal.”

“ Well Gibbs you can go in as a client. You can tell her to meet at a bar my friend owns. She has great tech that breaks signal jammers for video games. She uses them in her bar ,so she could play video games without any interference. I can put in someone undercover as a waitress . In that way while I attach a chip on you to hack her phone data, someone can get her phone locations.”

“ Well, Ziva, Kate, Jessica and Ellie have all interrogated and talked to her. So who to put.” I ask.

“ Her” Abby says looking at Y/N.

“ You can go undercover right?” I asked. Why didn’t it strike me before.

“ What me? Hmm ok” Y/N says.

…

“ Stop fidgeting Y/N” I said, looking at her in her waitress uniform.

“ The skirt is too short and tight” she said pulling at it.

“ Ohh God. I don’t have the body for such an outfit. I look awkward. There’s no way I can pull it off. Your lawyer will know something is off.”

“ Relax. You look wonderful. You can’t pull it off. “

“ Uhh huh keep the coat in the van and walk. There is no way a waitress can afford such a coat.” I said.

“ Got the data Boss” we have her. McGee said.

“ Yeah got all the locations she had been. “ Abby said.

“Okay Tony ,Nick follow the lawyer.”

“ Jessica , Ellie get to location 1 ,Ziva and Kate to location 2”.

…

As I walked Y/N to my car, I realised she disnt have her coat. She was shivering. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her.

“ Thanks” she said.

“ Good Job” I smiled at her. Dropping the menu to get close to her for the signal. Brilliant” I smiled.

“ You know you should smile more often Gibbs. It really looks good on you.”

“ Says the woman who forgot to smile in her year book photo” I chuckled.

“ So you did a background check on me” she laughed.

“ Well I needed to know who I am sending undercover. Plus I was curious . I wanted to know you, understand you better.” I confessed.

“ I was trying to portray the bold mysterious enigmatic look in that yearbook photo” she chuckled. “ You know typical teenage rebellion phase.” She laughed. “ I was a need but a rebel too, breaking rules , being a brat, resisting authority. In some sort of way I thought not smiling in my yearbook photo was an act of rebellion. I was a brat then, pretty mischievous. But my grades were really good. Plus I had this knack of avoiding suspicion, so didn’t get into trouble.”

“ You are still a brat.” I chuckled. “ It has worked Well for you though, helping you think out of the box.”

“ You have your fair share of out of the box thinking, disregard of protocol too, cowboy.” “ Yeah I looked you up too.”

I didn’t realise when I have gotten so close to her, her lips centimetres away from mine. It will be so easy to brush my lips against hers. She leaned in slightly. I leaned in too. Suddenly her phone rang.

“ Yeah , thanks Blake. I would look into the keynote speaker for the International Women’s Education Summit.” She said.

If only that stupid phone didn’t ring right now. I was so close to kissing her. I would have loved to hold her close to me, kissing her ,exploring her, feel her heartbeats against mine. Get a grip Marine.

…

Reader’s POV:

“ So how do you two meet?” “ Uhh Dating website, that’s a good cover.” Abby said.

Gibbs was standing behind me , bending down to look at the computer screen. His close presence made me feel butterflies in my stomach. “ Nope, find a better one” Gibbs said.

“ Maybe in a coffee shop, while we were getting coffee?” Gibbs continued.

“ Boring” Abby said.

“ Maybe at a bar. Two complete strangers. Fucked behind the alley. Had on and off casual sex. Then started dating.” I mused.

“ Wow , Hot.” Abby Exclaimed.

“ English Lit major here. I know how to write a good story. You should always be specific when you lie you know.” I chuckled.

“ That’s one of my rules too” Gibbs laughed. “ So who made the first move? How many times in the alleyway ?”

“ What?”

“ Specifics remember?”

“ I Will let you two work that out” Abby laughed.

…

We were going through our covers. We saw the lawyer being escorted out. Suddenly she took out the gun of an NCIS agent holding the entire squad room at gunpoint.

“ I will not go to prison” the lawyer said.

“Okay ,Okay ,we can talk” I said.

“ I will walk out from here, you will not follow me” she said. “ Get me that box of money and fake passports you confisticated now”

“ OK, Ok I said . I am bringing it.” Then looking at my shoes, I looked at Gibbs, a silent understanding passing between us.

I took the evidence box and approached her . Then jammed my foot on her, my stilleto shoes causing her real pain and she dropped her gun. Gibbs immediately slipped it away as Ziva tried to handcuff her.

“You bitch” she shouted at me, and she attacked Ziva, snatching her knife and throwing it at me. Gibbs immediately pulled me down on the floor , protecting me with him on top of me before Ziva subdued her. The knife however hit the window and a piece of glass cur my shoulder. I gasped at the pain.

Jethro’s POV:

I looked at Y/N. I saw the blood from the glass that had cut her shoulders.

I pulled her up. She looked shaken. I pulled her in a hug , holding her tight against my chest.

“ Get Ducky now”. I said to Kate.

“ You know Y/N it’s okay to say it hurts while getting stitches.” Ducky said. “ You don’t have to grit your teeth and put up a brave face.”

“ You gave me painkillers Ducky. Plus the Alcohol you made me chug helped me with the nerves, as you said.”

“ You gave her painkillers with alcohol Ducky?”

“ Well it helps with the nerves . Though I suggest she doesn’t drive today.” Ducky said.

“ I will take her home Ducky.”

Ducky finished doing her stitches. “ Well you can take her home now Jethro.”

“ Come Y/N , let me take you home.”

“ But I don’t want to go home. I wanna see the world” she pouted.

“ What painkillers making you loopy kid?” I chuckled. “ Come.” I said as I took her hand.

“ Ahh such a gentleman. You don’t have to be so kind. I won’t sue NCIS for the damages” she giggled. “ I am sorry about your jacket though. I can buy you another.”

“ It’s okay Y/N.”

She tiptoe on her feet ,suddenly brushing her lips against mine and softly sucking on it. “ Kind of wanted to do that all day long” she giggled.

I lost my self control then. I crashed her lips against her passionately. She gasped at the sensation and as she parted her lips I shoved my tongue inside her . I felt so close to her. She responded eagerly. As we broke for oxygen I looked into her eyes. “ I have wanted to do that all day along too”.I said . Her eyes reflected the desire I felt. I picked her up and carried her to my car. I buckled her seatbelt before driving.

“ That’s not the way to my home.” She said.

“ I am taking you to my place?”

“ To your bed” she giggled.

“ I would be lying if I said I don’t want you in my bed Y/N. You have no idea what has gone through my head from the morning, Ohh the things I want to do to you.” “ Well how drunk are you?”

“ Drunk enough to really have the nerves to go to bed with you.Not enough for you to think guily of taking advantage of me.” She said dazed.

“ Ohh Y/N I want to be with you tonight. But you have alcohol and painkillers in your system. I don’t want you to do anything you will regret in the morning.”

“ You don’t want me?”

I took her hand into mine placing it against my crotch. “ You feel the hardness Y/N . You did that. I want you so much Y/N. But it’s not fair to you. I would like to take you when you are fully sober.”

“ She rubbed her hands against my crotch. I did that .” She giggled. “ I would like to feel more of that hardness.”

My cock throbbed against my pants. “Y/N , you are making it difficult for me to concentrate on the road.”

“ Oops Sorry. She withdrew her hands and started biting her nails and sucking her thumbs.”

This girl is really gonna test my patience and my honour. I have to keep my self control control.

“ Don’t bite your nails. It’s a bad habit.”

As a response she stuck out her tongue at me, making me laugh.

We arrived at my place. I carried her to my bedroom , put her down on my bed. I gave her one of my hoodies to change into.

When I came to the room again after changing to a hoodie and sweatpants , I found her half asleep. I gently tucked her in, kissing her forehead and Patting her forehead.

“ I wish you would stay” she mumbled.

“ You really want me to?”

“ Only if you are comfortable”

“ Good. Cause I want to.” I said . Then I laid down beside her, pulling her close to me ,cuddling her as we both drifted off to sleep. The sensation of her against me really turned me on , but I also felt a comfort, a warmth I did not want to lose. Her touch was like a drug to me.

…

“ I woke up in the morning. Y/N laid in my arms fast asleep. I have never felt so much peace ,so much bliss, that I felt at that moment. Gently I nuzzles at her neck. “ I think I maybe falling in love with you” I whispered. Gently kissing her forehead, I got up.

I was rock hard and needed a cold shower. I willed my Dick to go down, but it had a mind of its own. I imagined Y/N’s mouth and fingers around my cock and stroked my Shaft. I thought of how it would feel to be inside her. I shot my load in my hand and floor. Then taking a cold shower , I went to cook breakfast.

“ Hi good morning” she said. “Smells delicious.”

I offered her some coffee. “ So how would you want your eggs? Runny or dry.”

“ None. Cause I think your pan’s on fire.”

“ Shoot fuck I said” putting it out.

We both ended up laughing together. At that moment I felt so whole. I moved towards her. Then holding her gaze I cupped her face before claiming her lips.

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

VH - The Lowest Bar

Antihero entered the reunion room in the headquarters’ agency, looking everywhere with a wonder they didn’t try to hide. This room was generally used in time of crisis, and by the most powerful superheroes. They couldn’t believe they had finally made it. Shyly, they walked towards the huge round table.

On the other side, there was a little man, grinning as widely as they were. He was drinking something that Antihero supposed was tomato juice.

“Hiya, bud !”

That wasn’t the solemn greeting Antihero was expecting, but maybe it was better like this. They smiled back hesitantly.

“Hello. I, uh- I was supposed to see someone about the machine I’ve made.”

“Yup, I’m the guy.”

“I’m sorry, I thought I knew all the Superheroes of the agency. Are you one of them?”

The man chuckled:

“Sorta.”

Antihero hesitated. They were sure they’d never seen him before, not on the TV nor on the papers nor on social media.

“So you do...missions, fight evil?”

“More like incompetent dorks, but yeah.”

Feeling his interlocutor uneasy, he rolled his eyes and added:

“I do night shifts.”

“Oh, um, okay.”

Embarrassed, Antihero sat down. They were expecting for several people to show up, even perhaps the director’s agency, or at least someone they knew by sight. The man looked young, frail and well...unimpressive. At least he seemed very enthusiastic. He kept smiling at them.

“Shoot. Don’t monologue too long about it.”

Antihero gulped and placed the Machine on the table. The man’s eyes shone. He put away his red drink to examine it further.

“What a big thingie ! With all those pipes and these strings and...bits and pieces!”

“Thank you?”

“Yeah, can’t say I’m good with this electronic stuff. Old-fashioned family, you know. I like phones, though. Do you know that if you yell the word at it, it submits and gives you lots of bats pictures?”

“Yes.”

“You are a true expert, then. Go on, tell me.”

Antihero coughed a little:

“Well, I’ve found possessions of an ancient supervillain when I stopped a villain the other day. It was made by some mad scientist who thought she could scan the souls of people. Villain used it on his henchmen to see if they had what it took before hiring them.”

The man rubbed the bridge of his nose, appalled:

“Really? See, that’s what’s wrong with the world today.”

“Exactly! More and more villains have access to this kind of technology-”

“-And not bothering testing people themselves. "

The table shook under his fist while his other arm was waving, as if he could catch into thin air the words that would express his frustration:

"Where’s the creativity? Where’s the craft? You can’t just push a button to deal with your victims! You have to take the time to discover their phobia and make it happen! You dirty your hands and rip out their guts yourself! Otherwise, what’s the point? ”

“Err- I see you try very hard to understand villains-”

“Oh, it’s because I have lots of empathy."

He took a big sigh and added:

"But let’s get back to the subject. What about the machine?”

“Fortunately, my team took it and well-”

Antihero took a big inspiration, wondering how useful it was to explain the functioning of the complex mechanism to someone who referred wires as “strings”, and decided to go straight to the point:

“I won’t annoy you with details. Just know that it’s now programmed the other way.”

“Meaning?”

“It can now detect the people who are pure of heart.”

“Really? How so?”

“Well, all I do is switch it on, the person speaks up and shows his eyes to the scan here, the machine looks into their soul, and then it gives a number. The average human is around 50, but the best person ever could reach a 100, theoretically.”

“And we care why?”

“Sir! The applicability is huge! Imagine if in politics we could give our politicians this test! Or- Or to anyone who wants to be a hero! Or any applicants in any job, really.”

“Where does the number come from?”

“Oh, it’s a score based on every crime the person has committed or thought about committing.”

“A crime? So it’s based on the law?”

“Yes, mostly. That’s the most objective base.”

“How true. And those below 50?”

“Well…”

Antihero looked away:

“When making the machine, Supervillain has ordered for those who failed the test to be executed. So, um, there’s still a function for that, if the score is really bad. We couldn’t delete it, but we made it better. Now it’s quick and painless. It’s not automatic, but with worst cases, it can be a humane method of execution.”

“And your point of coming here is?”

“Well, to have your authorization to produce the machine, of course. Unless you have suggestions to modify it.”

The man giggled, stroking his cheek in reflection.

“Let me sum this up. You stole your thingie from a guy who couldn’t be bothered to test his own minions – honestly, that’s not that hard, you give them one person to execute and see how much they squirm—then you’ve based it on the law, which as you know never changes and is always right, but you couldn’t find the button to delete the killing function. Do I get it right?”

Antihero blushed, griping their elbows with their hands:

“There...there are certainly modifications to be made...you...you don’t like it?”

“Don’t like it? I love it!”

The man leaned towards them. He was still smiling. Antihero, who had raised their head, looked at his white teeth glinting in the artificial light. Without knowing why, they shivered. There was still a bit of red at the corner of his mouth. The stain looked a little too dark and thick to be tomato juice. Maybe it was a special protein drink.

The man licked his lips:

“That’s a great idea ! In fact, I insist that you use it on me.”

Antihero stared at him with his eyes wide open.

“I couldn’t…possibly…It’s still a prototype, you know.”

The man shook his head and stood up, opening a computer that he turned towards them:

“That’s my file. Look at this, if you're not convinced.”

The first thing Antihero saw was the percentage of success. It might have been the first time they'd seen a 100% – except of course for the newcomers, so they scrolled down to see the details. They gasped:

“Y...You stopped all this people? Villain, and Villain, and also Villain and oh damn...even Supervillain? And Supervillain?”

“Yep,” the man smiled nicely. “See? Total paragon of virtue here. Plus, I don’t go boasting in the news or anywhere else.”

Antihero looked at them with admiration.

“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to-”

“Oh, that’s all right. Somehow, lots of people are unconvinced about my inner goodness. Let me try!”

Antihero beamed at them and switched the machine on. The man obediently stared at the machine and got closer than ever. For the first time, Antihero realized how his pupils were abnormally large. When he said the sentence Antihero told him to say, they were surprised at how sharp his teeth looked, and how two of them seemed- well- longer than before…

They shook their head. They probably just needed a little more sleep.

Then the machine burped. And clicked. And groaned.

“It didn’t give a number,” pointed the little man after a while, surprised. “What does it do, now?”

Antihero blubbered, their eyes wide:

“I- I think- it’s dysfunctional- it never did that before-”

“Oh, it sings, isn’t that nice! Is it programmed to play a funeral march?”

“I- We’ve never noticed this...It’s losing fluid…”

“No, no. I think it’s just crying black tears.”

After a moaning that sounded disturbingly human, the mechanism fell into a deafening silence. Then, the biggest pipe popped off. Antihero yelped as the machine opened in two, projecting black ooze everywhere. The man dodged in time, they did not. He shook his head as Antihero gasped, their eyes slowly filling with tears:

“Man, I must have been off the charts. My virtue stroke again.”

This time, Antihero definitively saw two long fangs that looked like tiny daggers as he added:

“Guess all the bastards will live! Too fucking bad.”

*

Vampire Hero is a recurring character. His job is to troll current villains. Check the Vampire Hero Masterlist or Tag for more snippets with him.

Or back to Hero x Villain Masterlist.

[luxurysystems]

Consider if you will:

Irwin going from little athletic twink to beefcake because as Ted's sugar baby, he's actually eating well and Ted might be feeding him a bit extra cause he's as much a sucker as we are for him to be beefy as hell

Hi hello, so I'm glad that you brought this up because I've sorta discussed this topic before with my friends. This is just a lighthearted theory/"Lux's eyes are playing tricks on them" type ramble, so buckle up. (also big thank you to @bastard-irwin for help with the visual aids *muah* 🖤)

So to set up this theory of mine up properly, I have 2 categories that I place Irwin R Schyster in: Mullet years (M) and After Mullet years (AM).

During the Mullet years: (1991-early 1992 ?) Irwin looked like this-

lorge and lean, no doubt. The man was simply built for a run with the Intercontinental Championship, but I digress. I noticed that he was definitely angrier during this time? No nonsense, no time for smiles (except for chastising ones). He's running off pure caffeine, 4 hours of sleep, and hatred during the Mullet years.

However, when you compare this to the After Mullet years (92, 93-94),especially with Ted/Money Inc./The Corporation?

Lord have mercy, it's subtle, but-- "goddamn Ted what are you feeding your attack dog err-- accountant?? 🥵"??? Love and beef are stored in the tits, cheeks, and biceps, I suppose.

It's like if you hit ctrl+t in your editing software of choice and drag him out juuuusst wide enough, it's noticeable to sickos like me. Irwin was a lot more playful (<-I use this term loosely) around this time, especially during Money Inc promos. He smiled a lot more when making fun of opponents with his asshole millionaire boyfriend.

Going back to your ask, I can definitely see Ted taking care of Irwin in that way: making sure he eats proper meals, sprinkling some ICOPRO powder in his food when Irwin isn't looking, etc. He's just gotta make sure that Irwin has energy to...y'know...balance all of those books.

[squeezysreservoirofcookies]

random athf hcs

i know characters dying but reviving next ep/no continuity is the norm, but when it comes to steve, it would not surprise me if dr. weird had a large collection of steve clones that he just goes through for the lulz. he never has to hire new peeps so it's just convientient

plutonians purr like cats do and for the same reasons, but the purr sounds like a combo of a cat, a dove's coo, and a gutteral rattle

Carl: 6', Frylock: 5'3", Shake: From bottom to cup lid 5' but to the bend of the straw it's 6', Meatwad: 2', Oglethorpe: 5'9", Emory: 7', Ignigknot: 3', Err: 1', MC Peepants (Big Spider Mode): 8', Dr. Weird: 6'6", Steve: 5'9" for some heights

shake's pistachio milkshake power works like snake venom in that he can only shoot out a certain amount of it until he empties out, and that it takes a lot of energy/nutrients to regenerate it. not that it changes anything bc he'd still be a depraved omnivore of a sentient milkshake w/o the setback but uh. OH yea and it is edible, enough to fill a route 44 from sonic to the top, but you'd have to ask REAL nice or be hyper sweet to him if you wanna get it but no guarantee. plus hed prolly spit in it or immediately toss it to the ground

frylock's fries are also edible but it genuinely hurts him if you eat it bc while it is sorta like his hair, some also have bones in them and are basically like our hands/arms. maybe if he shoots his fries at you like in the movie it would be ok, but you'd get hurt af and it's the same w shake in that he cant use it too much bc it takes a lot of biological resources & energy to regenerate. if he wants to cut his hair he can take certain pain mediation for it.

DO NOT EAT MEATWAD. 1.) if u do ur a monster but 2.) it may be ground meat but it's got garbage, sand, broken down bits of food, dirt, poop?, pee, parasites, the whole 9 yards so unless ur a animal or if you want to shit ur organs and skeleton out bc ur that desperately hungry then go ahead ig

meatwad works through slime logic in that he can't actually die unless hes been atomized/obliterated completely/eaten whole then yea hes dead. he just needed some time to recuperate dw abt it. not to mention he can also eat just abt anything in any amt. also he knows every aspect of the skibidi toilet lore, but only some major details on the fnaf lore but do NOT ask him abt reminant and fazgoo cuz he'll just stare at you blankly

the mooninites used neil armstrong's footprints on the moon as their restroom

carl doesn't know what an anime is but if he did knew what it was he would absolutely be a fan of it (even if he'd hide it in shame). you dont wanna know what else.

shake sucks at sports in general and anything that requires physical activity, he prefers to watch it on his seat instead. he is physically strong when he's prepared to fight, but if you catch him by surprise he's a complete bitch. actually hes a complete wuss in general when it comes to trying to fight anyone bigger/aggressive than himself. if him and his girl get mugged while walking in the middle of the night he's tossing her at the robber and running (jumping) away. but anyone weaker/smaller/meeker is fair game bc ofc

frylock has misophonia (hates the sound of people chewing). anytime he tries to explain it, shake makes a mesothelioma joke. but also it's so intense he will straight up blast you if you dont listen to him, shake had to learn that the hard way

mooninites can only comprehend music in 8 bit/midi. like ignignokt can listen to regular classic rock and be like "fuck yea bro" but through his ears(? head??) it sounds like an 8 bit/midi rendition of it. idk if this is making any sense but the closest i can come up w is that its more like a translation thing

plutonians do poop/excrete?? waste that does act like all purpose cleaner from earth but it smells highkey like rotting eggs and aged cheese, maybe even worse depending on what they've ate

[mwolf0epsilon]

Because I'm obsessed with the situations I put the Trooper Beans in yesterday's post, here's some memes I made out of the lil guys.

Rex Bean has been trying to reach you about your hovercraft's extended warranty (inspired by the return of Hotwheels™ Rex, continue being hilarious @waterlilyspad)

I'm not sure what Jesse Bean hates more, being in this situation or the Loss.JPEG mug... At least Hardcase Bean is having a great time!

Beans together strong... Err... Sorta...

Cuddly Kix Bean vs Dogma Bean about to throw nubs...

[scarletlights]

(from @rescuers-from-another-world )

So, err.. what Pokemon are you two anyways?

-Storm

"Zorua."

"Cinderace."

"...Well. We were, until we individually had something weird happen to us-

I was Guardians starter, until an experiment yanked my mind into their head."

"And then we got eebied, and at the end of our adventure we both wished on a gigantic Jirachi out of desperation, which...we're honestly still sorta figuring out what it did."

"All you gotta know is it let me leave his head and go back as I please. And vice versa."

"So, uh, tl;dr, we're kind of a...Plural Super Zorua, I guess."