#<-in case i need to find this in the future...if u did not know i treasure every doc-related drawing or picture i get

[can-of-woerms]

Syringe pen

+ about a year or two old doc art i did once when my art style was a tad bit different + i got lazy with his eye so. dramatic shading (tm)

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

What DPHW Means, and Its Relationship to Smirke's 14

The following contains spoilers for all of TMA, TMP (eps 1, 2, and 3 released currently if you’re in the future), and the ARG. Spoilers for all of this are throughout so I would advise against reading any of this unless you've listened to everything mentioned. It could also spoil episodes of TMP that have yet to release but if it does I don't think it will be a major spoiler. If I'm right I think I'm only right about a fairly trivial piece of information. 

Theory of Fears; or, Zur Furchtlehre

Part 1: Opticks

Smirke's 14 isn't the truth. With or without Dekker's +1. It is, however, necessary and correct. It has also been talked about ad nauseam and isn't a topic I want to dedicate a lot of time to. Smirke's 14+1, or even TMA in general, isn't the focus of this theory nor is it that relevant past its necessity as a point of comparison.

There aren't 14+1 distinct entities in the TMA cosmology. There is a singular entity that has been given divisions by fear and labels by those that have witnessed it. There is no objective line in which to draw these divisions. No matter where you put them or what you name them these concepts will always bleed into each other. Aspects of one Entity will manifest in another because the labels are invented and Fear is a storm of concepts crashing into each other. That's not a flaw in Smirke's list but its strength. A single entity of that scale is impossible to discuss in meaningful terms, the concept has too much gravity to be properly conceptualised and so an entire spectrum of fear must be divided in order to combat it. Categorisation is a vital part of TMA's cosmology and Smirke was as correct as anyone to put those lines down where he did. The real flaw with Smirke's list is forgetting the spectrum exists and stopping seeing the shades in between the Powers.

Finding a way to categorise this concept is important, but the methodology isn't. Smirke's 14 isn't the truth. The only truth is there is a singular whole. But branding goes a long way both in terms of research and in terms of following. This branding lacks accuracy though, it is in large part arbitrary and by its nature removes the shades and the bleed. TMP takes a different approach, one only hinted at, but one that I think is now fully explainable. 

Part 2: Lost in Translation

Perhaps the most interesting mystery in TMP thus far is DPHW. However, I think based on episodes 1 and 2 of TMP (and now 3), and the Klaus excel sheet from the ARG, we have all we need to explain its utility.

In order to show that conclusion in a satisfactory manner some basic facts need stating, and the order of my thoughts on those facts needs explaining. Firstly, each DPHW is 4 digits. Secondly, each DPHW is read as 4 numbers rather than, say, a pair of 2 numbers. Thirdly, these numbers can change independently of each other. Fourthly, incidents may share CAT#R#'s but have a different DHPW as found in the Klaus sheet (a German document listing OIAR-style incident reports). Finally, the German equivalent of DPHW is TSHU also found in the Klaus sheet. We can use those facts to determine something important. Each letter of this initialism is paired with a digit meaning that DHPW is a group of 4 categories. If that is true we can intuit some of its meaning. It is likely that these numbers are a rating of sorts for each category there. To prove that's the case we would need to know the categories and fortunately we have a starting point to understanding it, German.

If the categories that DPHW describes start with the letters TSHU in German then what needs to be done to find the categories is quite simple. You pair each letter up and then find a suitable word to categorise the supernatural whose first letter starts with the respective letter from the initialism in its language. D/T, P/S, H,H, W/U. After some brainstorming in the Statement Remains PLUS Discord server we had come up with strong candidates for 3 of the 4 pairs.

The first was Deadly/Tötlich, a seemingly solid start that gave this theory some legs. Next was Painful/Schmerzlich which was a distinct enough category for the threat of an incident that proved this was a strong direction to head it. H/H proved more troublesome. To my mind the two strongest contenders here were Hypnotic/Hypnotisch or Helpless/Hilflos. Both sound very reasonable but that in itself is a problem. However the last one was found relatively easily as Weird/Unheimlich. With 3 of the 4 it seemed like this was all but correct at this stage. However, I had been thinking about this backwards and it wasn't until I had a revelation that the pieces really fell into place.

Unheimlich sounded familiar when it was suggested but not in a way I could place. It wasn't until the next day that the aforementioned revelation happened. The ARG had a huge focus on Germany, and Ep 1 of TMP revealed why. FR3-D1 uses German source code which makes German the original language for the OIAR's methodology. Meaning DPHW is the translation, and I now think it's a shoddy one at best. The reason unheimlich sounded so familiar to me is because it's a fairly important part of psychology's history.

DPHW's Weird isn't weird, DPHW's Weird is uncanny. A direct translation could give you weird but a more accurate one, especially in this instance, gives you unheimlich. Unheimlich as in Jentsch's "Zur Psychologie des Unheimlichen", and Freud's "Das Unheimlich". Both of which are essays on the uncanny. It's all about the fear of the unfamiliar, and a central example of this is Olympia from Der Sandmann, a seemingly living doll.

The German word unheimlich is obviously the opposite of heimlich, heimisch, meaning “familiar,” “native,” “belonging to the home”; and we are tempted to conclude that what is “uncanny” is frightening precisely because it is not known and familiar... - Freud, The Uncanny

This is incredibly relevant to a lot of what has been discovered so far. The uncanny as a topic in psychology was kickstarted by two Germans, and a central part of their essays was the German Der Sandmann, and a German, SSandman, was a large presence in the ARG. The strength of this connection all but solidified this theory in my mind. And, briefly, this is also related to Masahiro Mori's uncanny valley hypothesis which I'm sure I won't need to explain.

The obvious way to test this is to take the few W ratings we have been given and compare them to the incident to which they're assigned. The first is from Ep 1, “dolls comma watching”, and was given a 7. This is a good start both in that a 7 feels appropriate as an "uncanny rank" but also that a doll is a focal point on the essays on the subject. Also in Ep 1 is "Reanimation (Partial)", again with a 7. Another very appropriate number. The last in Ep 1 is "Transformation (eyes)" with a 5. Certainly less uncanny than the previous examples so this is still strong. In Ep 2 we get a 5 for Bram Stoker's Dracula, which seems more than fair for a strange man like him, and a 7 for Frankenstein which gives parity for another story of the resurrected dead. Finally we get "Transformation (full)" at a 7, more uncanny than "Transformation (eyes)" which tracks nicely.

With what I felt was such a strong theory for the W/U pairing it helped clarify the ideas of the others. The final digit rating the uncanniness of an incident gives an idea of how these categories work and the breadth of their definitions. Up until this point I was leaning towards Hypnotic/Hypnotisch for our H/H pairing. But giving it more thought, and comparing it to TMA's own groupings, it becomes apparent that Helpless/Hilflos is more appropriate. Hypnotic effects are too aligned with things that would already be very aligned with Uncanny ones, the Stranger's Not!Them alter memories and prey on the fear of something being not quite right, so as a categorisation tool I think it makes less sense because of the greater overlap. Helpless on the other hand works better for things like The Dark, The Buried, or The Lonely. Aspects which I don't think show up in our current other 3 groups. But given the current definition of the strongest category, the fear of the uncanny, I think that helplessness is a more apt label. The fear of helplessness. Which makes H Helplessness/Hilflosigkeit.

With this level of breadth established re-examination of the final two categories is warranted. Painful/Schmerzlich is more likely to be Pain/Schmerz. Not just incidents that are themselves painful but the fear of pain, possibly including the emotional. A comparison to TMA gives this rating a strong affiliation with Entities such as The Desolation, The Corruption, or the Flesh. Similarly Deadly/Tötlich should now be broadened beyond the fear of things that will kill you, to the fear of death in a broader sense. Which makes D/T Death/Tod instead. To compare again to TMA this is The End, The Extinction, or The Slaughter. Although, while I might be describing these ideas as the fear of ____ I think it's important to know that they do appear to be more conceptual in nature rather than just if something is scary or not.

Comparing each of these assumed categories against current DPHW’s strengthens this argument. “Dolls, watching” scored 1157. It’s a very low fear of death and pain, but they present a medium fear of helplessness and a high fear of the weird. For a fear that’s rooted in paranoia that makes good sense. “Reanimation (Partial)” got a very similar rating, at 5257, but it being a corpse cranks up its fear of death. “Transformation (eyes)” got 2155 which, again, seems to fall in place with what we know. It’s more human than the doll is so it’s less weird but a physical and alarming transformation naturally seems like more of a terminal concern. Combine that with some good ol' internet death threats and it's not nothing, but not much.

As a small aside, while it's not come up in the episodes so far the Klaus sheet shows DPHW's are 0-9. There is a good bit of evidence to suggest 0 might be read as 10 here. 0 most commonly showed up in that sheet for P and the incidents often had the notes "Kriegsvolk". Literally "war people" but more accurately "army/soldier". So pain of 10 for those would track better than P of 0, and it explains why things like the watching doll rate a 1 for D and P instead of a 0, and Dr. Webber's infection is a P of 1 despite entirely removing physical and emotional pain as it goes. Because 1 is the lowest.

For Ep 2 we start with Dracula scoring a 7465, he’s undead and a killer for high death, if he kills you it hurts but it’s not extreme, he’s both hard to physically stop and has mental tricks, and he’s just a weird dude in general who always seems off somehow. Frankenstein at 5337 has aforementioned parity with the reanimation incident as you’d expect but notably less on the helplessness rating as he is just a man. Next is “Transformation (full)” at 1567. This is generally a more severe rating overall than Transformation (eyes) and you’d expect that, but I think it does show something interesting. At no point did Daria want to end her own life. The transformation is far more severe, arguably looks more life threatening, and was clearly more painful but it is explicitly and repeatedly not about dying. I take that as a suggestion that these ratings take into account more than just the mundanely observable nature of the incident. She looks very sick which would make you think of death but it rates low for it because of the emotional, or maybe supernatural, purpose of the incident. She didn’t want to die, the manifestation didn’t try to kill her, and so despite its appearance it’s low on death.

Then finally in Ep 3, we have "Infection (full body)" with a 8175. (Although I'm assuming that's a misfile and it should be Infection (Arboreal)). I think D and H here are more interesting to dig into. P is pretty obvious it's the lowest rating because it seemed actively pain-numbing as it went. W being 5 tracks too is certainly uncanny and has strange geometry but it's not full Distortion levels. So with those two out of the way we can get to the good stuff. D is the most interesting of the two to me. Because while it's pretty clear he died I don't think that's got much to do with it. Rather I think the 8 is more specifically about the way it deals with death, decay, and rot in relation to new life and the growth of other things, plants and insects. Thematically, I think there is a lot more emphasis on death as a broader concept beyond the terminal nature of the infection. For Helplessness there is also an additional element beyond whether or not he was able to do something about the infection, and that's whether he wanted to. As the symptoms worsened his desire to treat them decreased. Initially he was worried about the infection and determined to seek attention when able, then he was happy to let someone else help instead (a hallucination, which makes things more helpless), before finally wanting it to happen. These sorts of elements are things I think we're going to see factor in quite a lot.

In summary; it is my belief that DPHW is a way to rate incidents that the OIAR catalogue based upon the strength of the fear they elicit in the categories of death, pain, helplessness, and weird (uncanny). This system is effectively the TMP equivalent to Smirke's 14 from TMA. Rather than assigning each statement to an Entity each incident is rated for those qualities. These systems are distinct methodologies but each is a way to categorise the supernatural.  

Part 3: On Analogy

That is the juicy bit of this post out of the way so now I have to put a bow on it and touch upon the overarching analogy here. As alluded to by the title and some turns of phrase, it's colour theory. It's a somewhat common analogy for TMA's fears but I think it applies in equal measure to TMP and taken together might provide an insight into how the cosmologies will differ. So, to me, colour theory is not only the perfect lens in which to view the Fears as a whole, it's the perfect lens to view these methodologies.

Smirke is Newton. He broke up a singular spectrum into wide chunks. The Dread Powers themselves are very analogous to a colour wheel. Colours bleed into each other and the boundaries of where one stops and starts is up for debate but red is still red, and blue is blue. That is a useful context for them, it aids discussion. Try talking about red without ever saying red and only referring to a representation of a divided whole. But all too similar to Newton's 7 colours Smirke's 14 lacks nuance, it lacks shade.

On the other hand we have DPHW and this is all shade. DPHW is CMYK. It's not one thing or another with DPHW. You don't have the pitfall of Smirke's methodology where one manifestation is in one arbitrary box. Here, assuming I'm correct, each incident is made up of constituent parts. The OIAR, and presumably its German forebear, are less interested in Smirke's occult ancient gods and more interested in bureaucratic precision. Smirke was doing research while the OIAR are doing administration. As such DPHW takes a wholly different approach. It's now all shades. This has its own problems in that it's harder to discuss in broad terms. It's such a specific methodology that it's lost a lot of what Smirke triumphed with. This is well represented already given that no one has been shown to know what it means at all yet. But if there is a truly different cosmology at play here we might see the axes of DPHW being where alliances fall.

All that leaves us with is a comparison of these two. The only way to really do that is to talk about how Smirke's 14+1 would fit in DPHW's system. This is something I touched upon briefly. Death is strongly related to The End, The Extinction, or The Slaughter. Pain to The Desolation, The Corruption, or the Flesh. Helplessness to The Dark, The Buried, or The Lonely. Weird to the Stranger, or the Spiral. But that's not all of them and even within those it's already clear that something like The Vast isn't just about helplessness, and we've already seen Daria who would likely be an avatar of the Flesh rank highly in Weird. Which hits upon what I feel is the most interesting aspect of this entire theory. We've seen what happens with Smirke's boundaries on the Entities. We don't know if Entities even exist in this setting, or if they do exist whether they'll be the same ones, or even if they're not the same ones whether they'll function under similar rules. But now we get to see what happens when there aren't those boundaries. We get to see much broader mingling than TMA showcased. It was hinted at there, especially early on before the lore really settled, but now that mingling seems to be the whole point.

And as a brief mention, and to further labour the theme, I don’t think there is enough information to really discuss how CAT#R# works but there are some analogies to work with here. From the Klaus sheet we can infer that CAT# has the following values 1/2/3/12/13/23/123. Or three non-mutually exclusive groups. What those groups are is hard to say right now. There is some soul/body/spirit stuff for the alchemic tria prima that's got some nice connections but doesn't map well now that Ep 3 is out. Either way, this is RGB. An incident can be all red, or red and blue, etc. R#'s values we can infer to be C/BC/B/AB/A/S with maybe an AS in there too. That's a linear scale of similarly unknown value but could represent something like potency/threat. If that is the case then R# is saturation. Some things are more intense than others. We also know from the Klaus sheet that CAT is the German from the "kategorie" meaning "category" the R was from the German “rang” meaning “rank” and so probably has more meaning to it than currently implied.

[yourheart-inmyhands]

Hello again! I'm just here to send u another request :P

Could I get Raiden, Focalors, Venti, and the Abyss Princess Lumine for the same request I had for critically injured reader?

Thank you!!

🍌anon

hi tysm for the request! i don't write for lumine unfortunately, she's marked as discontinued on my list since i felt it was difficult to write for someone who is meant to be diverse for each player. so sorry and i hope it doesn't stop you from requesting in the future :D <3

Warning: this post contains yandere-themes, including obsessive behaviors, self blaming behaviors, mentions of falling from great heights, lots of talk of reader being injured/in hospital, and other potential topics. Please read at your own risk!

Raiden:

Raiden was always a little cold, a little distant and standoffish. She didn’t mean any harm by it, she was simply busy and didn’t have a lot of free time for you, even if she wished she had. Staring at you now, her trembling hands holding you tight as she tries to find the source of the bleeding, trying to stop it, trying to do anything. In this moment, Raiden feels the crushing weight of her actions, feels the suffocating pressure of not having loved you enough.

If you died in this moment, protecting her from some daring individuals in Inazuma despite the fact she could easily have protected herself, Raiden would never forgive herself. She’s grateful that you don’t die, nearly bleeding out and being in a medically induced coma aren’t great, but you aren’t dead. It’s in this moment that Raiden is grateful for her immortality, for she can sit eternally by your bedside, waiting for you to wake up.

It nearly makes Raiden sick to see you laid out on a bed like that, far too many machines making noises, more bandages than skin visible. It’s enough to have her flinching, unsure that this was even you anymore. But her heart knows it’s you, and it aches at the sight of the damage it has caused. Raiden finds herself thankful that she isn’t required to sleep, eat, or do any other basic necessities, it gives her more time to sit at your bedside, talking to you and waiting for you to wake up, if you ever do that is. She knows it isn’t enough to make up for all the time she’s thrown away, but as she sits there, staring at her hands in her lap, too nervous to touch you in case she causes more damage, she can’t help but feel like it’s at least a step in the right direction.

Furina:

Furina wasn’t a neglectful lover by any means, and after losing her divinity, she had even more time to spend with you. Except she didn’t, why she did her best to put on a brave, happy face, she was depressed. She needed time to heal and found herself accidentally shutting you out of that healing process. Furina was grateful for your loyalty though, staying around and making sure she continued to care for herself.

That was exactly what led to the accident though. While cooking food for the two of you in her kitchen, something went wrong with the stove, causing a small explosion in the kitchen and setting fire to everything in sight it could reach. Furina was able to get you both out of there, but she hadn’t been able to stop the explosion, leaving you in a critical state.

Standing just outside your room, watching as the Melusines change your bandages and mutter amongst themselves about your condition, Furina can only blame herself. If she hadn’t been so depressed, if she had done the cooking for once, if she- if she just- her thoughts become muddled with more self-loathing and blame, her gaze unfocused until a Melusine approaches. The small creatures had tried to coax her into the room numerous times, telling her that it was ok to sit beside your bed and that you couldn’t feel any pain right now. Furina politely refused every time. She didn’t feel she deserved to sit or even stand near you. She didn’t think she even deserved to stand outside your room, but she couldn’t stand to be apart from you until she knew you were ok. 

Venti: 

Gliding from the mountaintop was supposed to be a fun little date between the two of you. The gentle breeze coaxing you from the cliffside down to the sprawling fields below, it was supposed to be fun. Venti even went out and bought you both new gliders, ones that matched. It was cute and fun, up until yours broke. He wasn’t sure how, but one of the wings managed to disconnect from the other, leaving you wobbling before the winds turned against you, tipping you over and sending you plummeting.

He could only react so fast, hastily trying to unclip his own glider so that he could go after you. Venti hadn’t even thought about using the power of the wind, he was panicking, wasn’t thinking straight. He couldn’t wrap his brain around the fact that you were actually falling. The sickening crunch was enough to snap him out of his panic, allowing him to finally unsecure his own wings and drop down. He didn’t take any damage though, landing safely thanks to the wind.

Rushing you to Mondstat felt longer than it took, it really had only been a few minutes, but it felt like hours. You were laid on a cot in the Cathedral, all the sisters rushing about trying to help you. Several of your bones had been broken and Sister Barbara was doing her best to heal them. Grand Master Jean even came to help, taking shifts with her sister to give the younger girl some rest. It seemed as though all of Mondstat came to your aid, with the Librarian and Alchemist of the Knights working together to find some sort of healing potion. Everyone was doing something, except Venti. He sat on the roof of the building, crying and cursing his own name. He prayed that Celestia would take his remaining divinity, that they would cut him off and grant him humanity, grant him death. Venti was to blame for this, it had been his idea, he hadn’t reacted fast enough to catch you with the wind. He was sure you were going to hate him after this. 

[educatedsimps]

— inarizaki 4 x f!reader on her period (hcs)

≪ back to fics masterlist

ft. miya atsumu, miya osamu, kita shinsuke, suna rintarō x f!reader

a/n: only writing for these four (so far) 'cause i don't think i have a very good grasp of the other inarizaki characters but perhaps in the future! anyway this one's short and sweet but i hope you enjoy~~

cw: timeskip spoilers for osamu but that’s it

— MIYA ATSUMU

is a dumbass

this man would only know what to buy for a period care pack because kita got him a care pack when he was sick

“i picked up a few things from kita-san ya know, WHADDAYA TAKE ME FOR?!"

he gets anxious and worried that he'll forget stuff when he's at the store

like he had to ask kita to make him a checklist for when he gets supplies for u

would go on a day trip around the neighbourhood to find the store that has everything on that checklist

keeps that checklist pinned in his notes app (right below a little note where he writes down everything he loves about you - he's a simp)

he's always worried he missed something so he will not shut up

"are you sure the pads are in there? did i get the right ones? the big ones with the wings right? the extra absorbent kind? I SWEAR I TOOK THE RIGHT ONES BUT IF THEY'RE NOT IN THE BAG I'LL RUN BACK TO GET IT FOR YA RIGHT NOW" (he took the bus there btw)

"oh and they ran out of the usual snacks you like so i got three other brands for you to try, if you don't like any of 'em i'll get some more!"

asks osamu to make your fav onigiri too but he only asks nicely cuz it’s for you :)

— MIYA OSAMU

would make SO MUCH food for you like you’ll never go hungry if you’re with him

he also does not care if you bloat during your period he WILL keep you fed even if it's against your will

would also find a bunch of different recipes that will reduce your bloating

he's an onigiri guy but he'd go to his mom and ask her to teach him her healing soup recipes

he'll start making so much soup you'll just be drinking soup the whole day (with onigiris and anything else you'd like, of course)

would NOT let you within a 10 foot radius of a cold drink when you're on your period

like you'd go to the fridge in the middle of a hot day to grab some chocolate and you'll just hear "STEP AWAY FROM THE FRIDGE WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR"

you turn around and he’s pointing at you with his spatula in hand

he knows how warm you might feel on your period though so he'll make the kind of hot soup that cools the body (he learnt it from his mom)

— KITA SHINSUKE

kita is kita

kita is the best one out of everybody

he KNOWS what he’s doing like i don’t even need to explain

but yes you can trust that he’s got everything you need and has everything before you even know you need it

fav snacks, fav drinks, heating pad, painkillers, a gallon of water, hot soup, fresh food, weighted blanket if you like those, your fav movie or show already set up for you and a shit ton of cuddles and naps throughout the day

also he’d write in or call your boss to tell him or her that you’re staying home

“kita, i NEED to go to work today-“ “no. you need to rest.” “but-“ “i already called your boss.” BRO IT’S 6AM

will physically force you back in bed if you try to get up or out

also asks osamu to make ur fav onigiri

of course, his grandma loves u SO much that every month she’ll ask kita if you’re on your period and she'll make herbal or like the healing kind of soup and packs it so nicely for kita to bring it to you

sometimes she adds a little note in the carrier and your heart melts every single time

— SUNA RINTARŌ

king of cuddling and doomscrolling tiktok in bed

he knows you don’t really like lying down in bed and all during your period, especially if it’s really heavy so he’ll lay out extra towels and stuff in case anything happens

also would 100% clean up for you if your period gets too heavy and leaks onto the bed or something

“go get yourself cleaned up in the washroom and wait here for me once you’re done. don’t touch anything, i’ll take care of the sheets.”

keeps painkillers and water on his nightstand and a ton of heating pads in his drawer

ENDLESS CUDDLES like he gets so clingy it’s almost embarrassing but he’s cute so-

uses tiktoks to distract you from your period

“my period hurts-“ “babe look look look it’s a cat” “AWWWWW ITS SO FLUFFY”

tbh i don’t think you’d even use heating pads much if you were with him cuz you cannot look at suna and tell me that he’s not a heater in human form

his warm hands on your lower belly is the BEST feeling when you’re on your period

*places hands on tummy* “does it still hurt?” “no i think it’s going away…” “it better be. or i’m dragging your cramps to the depths of hell myself.”

— EXTRAS

osamu probably makes extra batches of onigiri every week just to give it out to his brother’s and friends’ girlfriends and honestly God bless him for that

would give atsumu’s girlfriend atsumu’s share of onigiri tho

the first time you got your period after you got together with kita, he probably asked you a whole list of questions he prepared and noted down all your answers like your fav stuff and the types of pads or tampons you use etc. it was honestly pretty shocking but sweet nonetheless

suna def has the period tracker app on his phone but he remembers your cycle so he uses the app to remind you

atsumu also has the app but he sets it to send him reminders and notifications when your period is coming up

a/n: THANK YOU FOR READINGG hoped u enjoyed it ~~ stay tuned for more original and requested works coming soon!! -lyssa

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarize any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[bruhnze]

Summertime sadness - Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Summary: Lucy leaves Barca.

Word count: about 4,5k

Warnings: angst kinda, mostly smut, idk, her leaving barca is also worth a warning, also mentions of Chelsea 🤢

Summertime sadness

´´Babe´´ Lucy said on a hot evening, while she and Ona were eating dinner. ´´I had a talk with my agent´´.  The back doors of the house stood open and every now and then a little cool breeze blew inside.

Ona looked up when her lover broke the silence that had hung in the air that night. She studied Lucy's face extensively.

~

In recent weeks, there had been a lot of turmoil surrounding the decision for Lucy's future. Lucy's agent and the high-ups at Barca had wanted to know what her plans were, but Lucy was with her head in the clouds.

Ona had been wondering was going on, why Lucy had been so distracted. When she saw Lucy pushing away a phone call for the umpteenth time, she had asked Lucy what the hell was going on.

Lucy had cried out that she didn't want to think about her future, that she was getting old and that she needed time to think but that because of the administrative hassle, everything had to go fast fast fast. While she could not think about anything at all because 'her heart and head were full of Ona' and nagged ‘those stupid jerks in the office only thought about money, while life is about football and love’.

Ona had said that Lucy really needed to figure it out, so much unaddressed stress and insecurities would surely not help her competitive performance, and Ona mentioned that she had been finding Lucy a bit absent from their relationship lately as well.

That evening had ended in the bedroom, Ona actually didn't approve of the fact that Lucy had the tendency to use sex to cover up difficult conversations, yet Ona had not resisted and she hadn't broached the subject again in the following days.

Over the past few days, Lucy had indeed seemed brighter again, but Ona had thought that the 'ball' to start the conversation was in Lucy's court, at her pace.

~

‘’Babe?’’ Lucy asked again and reached across the table to her freckled girlfriends hand ''who's the absent one now'' she laughed softly ''are you all right baby, where were you thinking?''.

Ona smiled weakly ''this is going to be a difficult conversation, isn't it Luce?''.

A tear rolled down Lucy's cheek but Lucy's expression did not change, she still looked quite cheerful ''yes'' she sighed ''but I think we can handle it''.

"Shall we sit on the couch then, I'm not that hungry anymore" Ona said with a fragile voice.

..

They sat on the couch, but not like they normally sat, they now sat next to each other, without them touching, it almost seemed formal to Lucy.

"Please come to me baby, I want to hold you Ona," the dark-haired defender said.

"Dios mio, I will sit with you but please tell me what is wrong because now it feels like you are going to tell me that u will go the other side of the world" Ona looked at Lucy with a raised eyebrow to see if that might be the case, that Lucy maybe wanted to go to the USA to play in the NWSL.

Lucy threw her arms around Ona, "no, not the NWSL darling, but that was also discussed for a while, but I don't think that's fitting for this moment in my career and first of all I can't live that far from you."

‘’So you're not going far..’’ Ona tried to look for the positives.

"Uhm..no.." Lucy sighed "not.. I’m… i..let me think about how I can tell you this"

‘’joder, spit it out Lucy, the waiting makes me more crazy than whatever you will tell me’’ Ona said and then sat up to face her lover ‘’nooo te no vas al puto Madrid’’  (You're not going to fucking Madrid)  she yelled ‘’puto infierno, joder, no puedo hacer el amor con el rival terrestre’’ (damn it, I can't make love with our Nr.1 rival).

‘’No, no, no te preocupes Ona’’ (No don’t worry Ona) Lucy grinned ‘’but would you not sleep with the enemy? I remember pretty fun times at the World Cup?’’

Ona pushed Lucy’s chest again ‘’that’s different, you cannot choose to play for the Spanish national team, so I accept that you play for another country, but in Spain you are catalán property’’.

 ‘’Sooooo… I can go to Levante Las Planas?’’ Lucy said, thinking she was very funny.

''sure'' scoffed Ona ''if you want to be a loser so badly yeah, heck, maybe Levante can achieve something with you there''.

Now Lucy doesn't find it funny anymore "but what did you mean by property?".

‘’Tu ets meu’’ (You’re mine) Ona said ‘’per tant ets de Catalunya’’ (So therefore you are Catalonia's).

Lucy smiled but wanted to tell Ona what she had discussed with her agent.

‘’Okay, so’’ Lucy got serious ‘’You are supposed to be a rightback, not left, but right and Barcelona’s new coach sees that too-

‘’I’’ Ona wanted to interrupt but Lucy stopped her ‘’tell me after baby, first let me continue’’.

‘’the new coach sees that too, my agent and a lot of other people got around the table and we had an honest talk about the future of Barca,.. it.''

Lucy cleared her throat.

‘’their plan was to make you-, their plan is, to make you the starting right back and I would stay in the team as a bench player, kinda competing with you for playing minutes,.

Her voice became a little weaker.

‘’But I have to accept that I am getting old, older, I mean, old in the football world’’ she mumbled ‘’but I want to play as much minutes as I can and with my knees and with my age, that mean that I have to go down a step, like a downgrade club, because I cant compete with all these amazing, fit’’ she looked at Ona ‘’young, strong players’’.

She continued ‘’I- Its, I think Barca is smart to want to play their fittest right back and I think they are making the right choice, and I don’t want to be competing with you for minutes and ..

Lucy looked at Ona loving and earnest.

.. honestly, I think that I would not get very far in that competition, which is fair because you are entering your prime and I am exiting mine, it’s a miracle that im even still playing if we take my knee in to the equation’’.

‘’Luce’’ Ona said with a lump in her throat.

‘’it’s okay Ona’’ Lucy said as she pressed a kiss against Ona’s temple ‘’it’s realistic and you know what my next goal is?, I will go after Clarence Seedorf’s record-

‘’A five-time Champions League winner, with three different clubs’’ Ona interrupted her, citing the sentence she had heard Lucy say after she had come home from an event were she had met the man. ‘’okay so a club in the champions leage?’’.

‘’Oh fuck’’ Lucy laughed ‘’right, I didn’t even tell you yet, it’s Chelsea’’.

‘’What the fuck’’ Ona gasped and got up, pacing around the living room.

‘’Ona, baby, I know right fucking Chelsea but it was the best offer and-

‘’You are gonna visit me!’’ the Spaniard called out ‘’aquest país fred?’’ (the cold country?) ‘’I am not going- wait what the fuck Lucy, do you realize you will be playing there then? Didn’t you run away from the cold and the rain?’’

Lucy laughed, happy that her girlfriends first thought was the cold and who was going to visit who and not about if a long distance relationship would work.

She also stood up and walked to her lover ‘’I love you’’ she said before pressing her lips against Ona’s.

..

The couple had spoken about their plans and how they would arrange the practical matters when the time came.

Ona thought the officals of FC Barcelona had not really been understanding, the club didn't want to provide anything special for Lucy to say goodbye.

But Lucy had reassured her and said that it was okay and that she understood the club, after all, she had only played at there for 2 years while Mariona and Panos were practically part of the interior at FCB.

They tried to make the most of the last months they lived together and, to top it all off, had booked a holiday to Cuba. After that they would both have to go to their national camp and after that season would start.

...

They were in Cuba, Lucy had booked the trip so that they would hop from place to place, getting the chance to explore the island properly.

''Lucyyy'' Ona whined ''just tell me where we are going, i dont know what to wear if you dont tell me what we will do..''

Lucy wrapped herself around Ona and pressed some kisses on her neck ''a surprise is actually where you dont know what will happen and then you get striked with wonder or amazement''.

''wow'' Ona turned around ''thanks for the daily english lesson, i really didnt know what a surprise was thank you'' she said in a sarcastic tone and rolled her eyes.

''Here, wear this and this''  Lucy said affectionately as she handed a white top and faded red shorts to Ona.

'' A cooking class!? '' Ona smiled but then acted offended ''do i need cooking classes so bad that you disguised it as a surprise?''

''uh.. no, i just figured if you don't have me to cook for you, you know, when i'm-- Lucy got interupted

''Aww, Lucy, that's actually kinda cute, sad because now i think about it again, but cute that thought about it for choosing the activity''.

Lucy laughed ''yeah let's go with cute'' and quietly added ''i also just don't want other people stirring your pot''

Ona gasped and slapped the grinning english woman.

The lesson went great and they ate all the food they made with the family of the woman who had instructed them.

After a long and heavy meal they decided to walk back to the airbnb, it was just the first day of their vacation and they were quite tired from traveling, they thought it wise to go to sleep at a reasonable time, rather than the late nights they were used to making on trips.

..

''Lucy'' Ona moaned as Lucy was placing sloppy kisses all along her body ''we were gonna go to bed on time''

Lucy immediatly stopped ''oh, we are in the bed right now, but okay i'll stop'' she laid down next to her lover and sighed exaggeratedly ''i wanted to fuck you to sleep but i guess you just want to go to sleep right now''.

The freckled catalan cuddled up against Lucy and tried to go to sleep, but the words had woken up some specific part in her body.

Ona kissed Lucy's neck tenderly and guided the english womans hand between her legs.

Lucy smirked at her ''Not so tired yet after all?''

''Shut up'' Ona said breathlessly between kisses.

''Just one time quickly okay?'' Lucy asked carefully ''we need to be thinking about our recovery and we had discussed that getting enough sleep was one of our priorities this holiday''

''You started it!!'' Ona scoffed, plopping back next to Lucy ''you very much turned me off with those boring words and i am actually sleeping as we speak, so no worries about your recovery''

Ona felt a hand dip into her underwear, Lucy hit exactly the right spots with her talented fingers ''feels on to me, you sure you don't-

''Luce shut up, put your mouth on me, stop fucking talking'' Ona sputterd.

Lucy did as was told and pulled Ona's, or actually her briefs that Ona had put on to bed, off. She had pulled her hand away and was now only working with her mouth.

Gently licking and kissing she savourd Ona's taste, damn she was going to miss this, she flattened her tongue and stimulated Ona's clit, she brought her hand back up and entered Ona with one finger, bringing Ona to her climax with gentle and targeted stimulation.

For their standards this was foreplay, Ona always had at least two or three orgasms but it could easily be seven or eight.

"Was it nice?" Lucy asked as she took Ona in her arms and pulled the covers over them.

Ona kissed the arm that was around her, "yeah but" she didn't want to seem spoiled and thought about how she would tell her that this wasn't enough.

Lucy knew perfectly well what Ona meant and whispered in her ear, "I know this wasn't much, but I'll make it up to you tomorrow morning, if that's what you want as well."

''Ofcourse'' Ona muttered.

''I mean like, tomorrow morning early'' Lucy wispered ''would you be into that?''

''No i hate early mornings, you know that and also, we are on holiday, litteraly the only time we can sleep in...'' Ona stated in frustration.

''I mean.. can i wake you up with sex?'' Lucy asked carefully.

Ona turned around, wanting to see Lucy's face ''we never did that before...''

''Yeah i know, i just wanted to try and hadn't found the right time to ask you yet'' Lucy said.

''Hmm'' Ona thought about it ''sure, why not''.

''Wow, don't get too enthusiastic'' Lucy chuckled ''are you sure?''

''Just be gentle, but i dont even feel like i have to say that because i know you are good to me'' Ona smiled and hid her face in Lucy's neck.

''I will baby, always'' the dark haired said and kissed her girlfriend on the top of her head.

After being lost in thoughts for a while, they finally fell asleep.

..

It was 7am, very early, Lucy was awake and Ona was still asleep, she thought about her options while quietly going to the bathroom.

She knew she would be up before Ona, she always was, but she wondered about what the perfect time would be to start her thing, not wanting Ona to still be in a deep sleep and not wanting Ona to be awake immediatly, but honestly she wanted to go right now, she was always very excited to explore new things.

Easily enough Ona had fallen asleep naked yesterday, giving Lucy all the access she needed and after she had very carefully pulled the sheet away she saw that Ona was laying on her back with her legs a little apart, perfect, Lucy thought.

Very gently she wiped her fingertips over Ona's soft nipples.

She got amazed when she noticed that they became erect, taking pride in the fact that her touch even made Ona excited when she was sleeping.

Ona stirred in her sleep but Lucy kept her hands on Ona.

She slid her hands down over Ona's stomach until she reached her hips.

Lucy wondered how to go about this and really felt like she was in unknown territory, how would she get Ona's legs open without waking her?

She thought about how they did it when they were awake, kisses!, she thought.

Very very gently Lucy began to kiss her sleeping girlfriend's hips.

Kissing more inwards she noticed a slight effect, Ona stirred again in her sleep and her legs became more apart.

Lucy carefully felt her fingers between Ona's legs, when she was met with wetness she wondered if it was from yesterday or if she was turned on in her sleep by the kisses and the grazes. Lucy got turned on anyway and wanted to taste Ona again.

She lightly positioned herself so that she was lying on her stomach between her lover's legs.

Kissing the insides of her thighs she heard a soft sound, she looked up, still kissing, to see if Ona had woken up. She didn't thing so, her head was still on the pillow anyway.

When Lucy felt like she had worked up to it enough, she her mouth on Ona, tasting her on her tongue.

She heard the soft sound again and now felt two thighs pressing against her head. She couldn't look up to see if Ona had woken up and honestly she didn't really want to either.

After eating the spaniard out for a couple of minutes, Lucy thought she must still be awake, she wanted to use her fingers now also but didn't know if that would be pleasent for the sleeping woman.

She lightly teased Ona's entrance with her fingertip, before pushing one digit in slowly.

''mhmm'' she heared Ona moan quietly and felt the legs tighten around her again.

She continued with her tongue and finger until it seemed that Ona had come, as indicated by moans and the relaxation of her muscles after.

It was different as usual and Lucy carefully came out from under her girlfriend to get a good look at her.

It was a strange sight, Ona was dragging her arms up with a kind of smile on her face and now Lucy saw her moving her hips a little.

The Catalan's mouth was slightly open and another soft moan escaped, she was squirming on the bed and her breath became more heavy.

The squirming slowly died off and Ona stirred in her sleep again ''hmm luce'' she moaned as she rolled sideways.

The english defender was mesmerised and kissed along ona's naked back, which was now turned towards her.

Then she kissed her neck and near her ear she whispered, "Good morning, baby."

Ona groaned and wiggled herself backwards, pressing more into Lucy.

''did you sleep well'' Lucy said as she kissed Ona's neck more ''or are you still sleeping''

''hmm'' Ona sighed ''what time is it''.

''a little after 8''

Ona turned around under Lucy's arm, now facing her. ''did you that or did i have a very good sexdream?''

Lucy grinned ''i think, that you had a bit of both'' and kissed Ona so she could taste herself on her tongue.

After she pulled away Lucy asked ''so what happened ?''

''Shouldn't you tell me?'' Ona asked smiling

Lucy laughed ''i was a bit confused to be honest, but okay, so first i ate you out and made you come with my tongue and finger and i didn't know if you were awake or sleeping, so i got up to look at you and saw you kind off.. yeah uh.. continuing on your own, in your sleep''.

''Hmm'' Ona questioned ''so you only made me cum once?''

''yeah i didn't want to overdo it and also i didn't really knew if you came so i wanted to check-

Ona interupted her with a laugh.

''whats funny?''

''Lucy, i came like 5 times, i dont know what happend but in my dream i came a lot and you were doing a lot more then eating me out''

Lucy looked at her girlfriend confused 'how-

''I don't know either but you can defenitly do that more often, i feel very fucking good right now'' Ona said as she pushed herseld on top of Lucy.

...

''Ona?'' Lucy wispered, the young defender had fallen asleep on her but she wanted to get out of bed and explore Cuba some more, it was 10am already and she was dieing for some food.

''Nooo'' Ona whined ''we are going to stay in bed all day''.

''Ona..''

''You smell so nice'' Ona said as she pushed her face harder into Lucy's neck ''your warmth is so comfortable'' she cooed ''if you would stroke my back it would be even better''.

Lucy started stroking her back ''what's up Ona, why you acting weird?''

''Weird?'' Ona sniffled ''i just remembered these are our last days waking up together for a while ''im not acting weird, im grieving''.

''Ona, don't- Lucy stopped herself

''Actually, yeah you can say it, it is our reality, sadly, but we will manage remember..

Ona broke down ''yes i know but i will just miss you a lot''

Lucy was quiet and continued rubbing Ona's back.

...

It was late in the evening and they were on a quiet beach laying on a towel.

''Babe don't open your phone'' Ona said as she quickly grabbed Lucy's.

''What the fuck?'' Lucy laughed but saw the stress in Ona's eyes ''what did you leak our nudes or something?'' she tried to joke

''You said they would anounce your department july 1st right?'' Ona asked

''yeah why'' Lucy sat up straight now ''what, who?''

''Barca's own insta'' Ona said slowly ''and it was posted hours ago''

''What the fuck, show me''

...

''i think you should just record a video here then'' Ona stated

''Are you serious?'' Lucy looked at her

´´Yes just say thank you for everything, I don’t know, just to let something know´´ Ona looked empathetically to her girlfriend.

Together they thought about what Lucy could say, Lucy decided to do it in Spanish, resulting in a very proud Ona.

When she started recording she looked at Ona for reassurance, Ona smiled at her and Lucy felt like she could do anything, even record this video.

It was done and she uploaded it together with some pictures of her time at Barca.

Ona hugged her ´´good job baby´´.

Lucy wrapped her arms around the Spaniard, 'thanks, now lets enjoy this sunset´´.

They watched the sun go lower and lower, resulting in a bright orange glow that radiated over the water. Lucy gently squeezed Ona's arm ´´Babe, I need to take a picture of you, this lighting is perfect for you´´.

…

At their next stay they had a rather interestingly laid out room, next to the bed hung a gigantic mirror in a medieval painting frame, the rest of the room was quite boring and not really decorated.

Ona hadn´t batted an eye at it, but the mirror gave Lucy some ideas.

Ona was standing in the small kitchen making some salad for lunch. They had been walking around all morning and wanted to have lunch and an afternoon nap in their rented accommodation.

Lucy retreated to their bedroom and searched through the suitcase, grabbing the harness they had brought.

She put it on with a strap, then put her pants over it again and pushed the strap up behind the elastic of her boxers.

Lucy wore a linen outfit that was quite loose, it was not visible that she was wearing anything underneath, but if she were to hug Ona now, it would certainly be felt.

´´Lucy?’’ her thoughts got interrupted by a voice from the kitchen ‘’Lunch is ready’’.

Lucy sat down at the table with a mischievous smile, "oh, looks good babe."

"What are you grinning about?" Ona asked suspiciously, "Where were you anyways?"

‘’Just nothing, I was in the room chilling’’ Lucy looked at her plate ‘’excited for lunch’’.

‘’mkay’’ Ona laughed, she walked towards the table with her own plate and went over to give Lucy a kiss ‘’love you weirdo’’.

‘’Weirdo?!’’ Lucy said offended ‘’can’t a woman just be happy?’’

Ona tried to push Lucy with her chair a bit away from the table.

‘’what are you doing?’’ Lucy asked.

‘’I want to sit on your lap, let me give you kiss to make up for calling you a weirdo’’ Ona pouted.

Lucy scooted back with her chair and had a big grin on her face.

Ona looked questioning at her girlfriend ‘’you are being very weird, whats with all the grinning’’.

‘’just excited’’ Lucy said ‘’come on then’’ and grabbed Ona by her hips.

She sat on Lucy lap and they shared a kiss, Lucy deepend the kiss and pulled Ona closer to her.

Ona quickly pulled away and gasped ‘’what the-

The English woman grinned sheepishly at her ''told you i was excited''.

Ona leaned back to Lucy ‘’oh excited, excited, didn’t know you meant it like that’’

Lucy smiled ‘’maybe I was a bit vagu, do you maybe want a clear example?’’ she said seductively.

Ona grinned ‘’I feel it very clearly don’t worry’’

‘’hm, that’s a shame because I wanted to give yourself a nice demonstration that you could watch attentively’’

Ona frowned ‘’you lost me again, I don’t get-

She yelped as Lucy stood up carrying her to the bedroom. Lucy dropped her on the bed and hovered above her ‘’let me fuck you while you watch us in the mirror, give you something to look back at while missing me’’.

Ona gulped and turned her head to look at the huge mirror that hung besides them, she turned back to face Lucy and nodded.

‘’What’s that?’’ Lucy asked

‘’y- yes , lucy fuck me in the mirror’’ Ona said.

Lucy chuckled at Ona, who always had a pretty hard time speaking English when her brain was short-circuiting from being turned on, but she didn’t want to tease her about it. ‘’okay, tell me how you want to see it’’ she added in a softer voice ‘’ you're the director today bub’’.

..

After an intense afternoon the couple laid next to each other in bed, completely exhausted.

‘’that was ..’’ Ona searched for words but could find the right one to describe it ‘’al·lucinant’’

Lucy turned to lay on her side and put her hand on Ona, ‘’what does that mean?’’ she softly asked.

‘’like’’ Ona pulled up her hands next to her head and imitated the sound of and explosion while changing her hands from a fist to an stretched out hands on either sides of her head.

Lucy grinned ‘’mind blowing?’’

‘’Yeah that was the word’’ Ona smiled and kissed her lover and said with their lips brushing against each other ‘’that was mind blowing’’.

‘’hope you remember every bit of it’’ Lucy quietly said when Ona laid her head on her chest, she felt Ona nodding her head.

‘’You know’’ Ona said after a bit of quiet ‘’I don’t miss the sex the most when we are away from each other’’.

Lucy was tracing patterns on her back ‘’what do you miss most then?’’

‘’you’’ Ona said

Lucy laughed, making Ona’s head shake, Ona sat up and looked at her girlfriend seriously ‘’I am serious, I miss you the most’’

‘’Babe, I take you seriously sorry, but it just sounds funny’’ Lucy said with a smile on her face ‘’what do you mean by that babe?’’

‘’I mean that I miss you, I miss your presence near me, i- el món és tan pacific when im with you’’

‘’que?’’ Lucy said

‘’Cuando estoy contigo el mundo es tan pacífico’’ (the world feels peaceful when I’m with you).

‘’para mi tambien, te amo Ona’’ Lucy kissed her ‘’te quiero muchísimo, eres el amor de mi vida’’.

Ona chuckled at Lucy citing all the sentences she had thought her ‘’but im serious, Luce’’.

‘’Yes I know Ona’’ Lucy sighed ‘’I will miss you the most too, your presence’’.

--- the end (but not theirs)

[nextstopparis]

i really just need good like mid to long length fix recs please i’m begging

hey bestie, i didnt know if you had any specific type of fic in mind or just length and what u consider mid so here are a few fics with 25k+ word counts and thats basically all they have in common🫶 also these are all more or less merthur im so sorry. i hope u find something new here!!!

Arthur, Sincerely by MerlinLikeTheBird (47.8k) (THE FLUFF IN THIS MADE ME CRY also its canon era)

To Begin Anew (need ao3 acc) by ohHeyThereBigBadWolf (27.7k) (ive read this like five times. i think about it constantly. canon divergence)

that lightning-strike feel by TheLurkingContessa (32.5k) (cmon merthur training with weapons together??? also canon era)

An Illusion of Sorts by lordvoldemortsnipple (133.7k) (ive also read this like 3 times which is sorta insane bc its 100k+ words omfg… modern au w magic)

Annum Inanis (The Empty Year) (need ao3 acc) by anonymintea (43.2k) (i DIED. canon era)

Charting Stars On A Stained Glass Ceiling by mornmeril (80k) (my note on ao3 under this is just OHMYGOD a bunch of times so. future au with magic)

a thimble of light for an acre of sky by celaenos (36.2k) (THIS IS NOT MERTHUR well theres like a hint of merthur at the very end but mostly its pendragon siblings and morgwen. I DIED. canon divergence)

Chasing Spring (ok TECHNICALLY this is a series but overall its 58.7k words so) by Gimli_s_Pickaxe (god merlin au do i really need to say anything else. canon era)

Keep the Magic Secret (73.5k) (i feel like i cant say I DIED again or else it’ll start losing its meaning to you but really i did. canon era)

M-RYS by mornmeril (123.2k) (ive also read this three times and was actually just craving a reread yesterday so. hmm. future au with magic)

We Pull These Jobs To Make A Little Money (No One Gets Hurt If They Don’t Act Funny) by leashy_bebes (48.9k) (this fic left me speechless all i could muster in my ao3 notes was “oh my god” not even capitalized like it shook me to my core. modern au)

You’ve Got My Heart, I’ve Got Your Hand by FervidAsAFlame (29.3k) (ive read this about five times it makrs me cry its so sweet i Love Them. modern au)

The Tournament of All Magicks by Cori Lannam (corilannam) (41.3k) (CMONNNN merlin fighting in a TOURNAMENT??? cmon. ohh craving a reread for this one too now… canon era)

The Future Soon by lady_ragnell (30.2k) (i loved this fic so so much. like theres just something about the vibe of it that im obsessed with. could also be the enemies to lovers thing. modern au with magic)

Sweeter Dreams by Tierfal (35.3k) (FREED VIVIAN OF MEN! i mean what more could i want. canon divergence)

Truth Is a Whisper by seperis (25k) (im being so serious go read everything by seperis. everything. GO. FIRST TINTAGEL bc that is my fav fic of all time probably but its 20k words so i couldnt put it here. GO!! theyre my fav author it took EVERYTHING not to rec all their fics. canon divergence)

Accidental Memory in the Case of Death by derryere (74.9k) (theres just something so. So. I DONT KNOW. overwhelming about them in this. its reincarnation au which might be why. one line made me cry)

The Ivy Crown by dayari (derryday) (252.2k) (ive read this three times. look at the word count. i will probably read it again. green knight au thing. theyre just. ohmygod)

Dower the Stars by RurouniHime (40.6k) (LISTEN. actually idek what i can say about this. except for the fact that its the PERFECT FIC. literally. its perfect. im especially in love with arthur and gwens friendship in this but anyway. canon divergence.)

[rowretro]

𝕄𝔼𝕋𝔸𝕃 𝕄𝔼𝔼𝕋𝕊 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼

✧taglist✧: @baevsxii @nikisdubblchococake

✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, unhealthy love, mentions of blood, a little goofy w won

♡synopsis: Nishimura Riki. The Robot created by Yang Jungwon himself, a robot that is insanely human like, inside and out. No one could tell he was a robot. However, the Robot had possessed demonly powers, from Satan himself. So I guess you could see it's a half robot. Yang y/n, the younger sister of Jungwon finds herself stuck to this robot 24/7 no matter what she tried, he will always be by her because she's his muse, his world, his love, his obsession.

(PART 2)

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

Jungwon gasped seeing Riki carry inside the unconscious, somewhat bloodied body of his sister. "NI-KI BOT NO! HOW COULD YOU FUCKING KILL MY FUCKING SISTER?! HOW DO YOU CALL THIS LOVE?!!!" He exclaimed, mad as he searched for a weapon. "No no master Yang... she fainted. She saw me take the life of another human and fainted... nothing to worry about, I ran a body scan she was just stressed..." The robot male simply said as he softly laid her down.

Riki eyed her up and down, oh how peaceful she looked when sleeping. He cleaned himself up, taking a human shower. Even Jungwon was in utter shock seeing the robot act so human, not one bit effected by the water. Riki dried his hair as he glanced at Y/n. The girl still dressed in the bloodstained, sweaty clothes. Riki approached her unconscious figure. His hands making it's way to her shirt.

He slipped it off, Then her trousers, as he threw them in the laundry. "NI-KI bot. I need to run a test on- AH WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER... I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF A ROBOT IS ABLE TO MAKE A BABY, BBUT I KNOW MY SISTER CAN'T CARRY A CYBORG CREATURE INSIDE HER." Jungwon yelled as the robot ignored him, clean clothes at hand. "Do robots even have hormones?... hey I need to run a few tests on you so hurry up and don't hurt my sister." Jungwon warned.

The robot remained silent, carrying her to a very fancy, and wonderfully scented bath tub. "God fucksake what did I fucking create... who's the fucking mom- why does it have human parts-... did he steal someone's heart literally- what the fuck is fucking going on-" Jungwon mumbled to himself. Eventually, Y/n woke up. She was clean, dressed in one of her nightgowns and tucked into her bed comfortably. Maybe she was just having a nightmare?

The clothes in her laundry bag said otherwise. Y/n walked down the hallway and glanced into Jungwon's lab. Sitting there was Riki himself a few wires connected to him as Jungwon ran through a few things on a few computers. "It's fucking unbelievable... he's half Man half robot... practically- but that's impossible..." Jungwon mumbled as Y/n stood there, creeped out by the way Riki turned to her. "W-won... you're doing a really bad job as a brother... Either you're careless, irresponsible and shit at science, or you're so over protective to the point you wanted to make my future husband." Y/n said.

"Well... I don't know what you want me to do... if it was a robot completely- I can turn it off, dismantle it and melt it with acid or some shit..." Jungwon started as the robot turned it's head to Jungwon. "B-But- he's not just robot so I can't... a-also I think he's a great guy- he literally dressed you and didn't even hurt you or yknow... glaze your donut?" Jungwon added as y/n stared in shock, throwing her small teddy bear at him.

"OH MY GOD. BAD BROTHER BAD BAD BAD- FIRST YO U LET THAT MURDEROUS LAB RAT FREAK OF NATURE TOUCH ME AND YOU'RE LETTING HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS???" Y/n exclaims as Jungwon scratched his head. "Sis... I tried EVERYTHING. He's just impossible to get rid of trust me..." Jungwon added as Riki stared at him "HEY I'M TRYING TO SUPORT YOUR CASE HERE-" Jungwon yelled, raising his arms in defence.

"HIS CASE? HE IS MEANT TO BE JUST A HUMAN LOOKING LAPTOP." "OH MY GOD Y/N, NI-KI BOT LISTEN. I'M JUST TRYING TO CO EXSIST AND NOT GET MURDERRED. PLEASE." Jungwon finally yelled as y/n sighed. Riki got up when the wires were removed, his hand resting against the wall, his face leaning into hers. "So beautiful up close... Never seen something so beautiful, you can check my database for proof if u want." He simply said as Y/n rolled her eyes.

"You want to feel my kiss? boy you can't touch this." She simply said, her hand softly pushing his chest away. The robot found her cute, following her around everywhere, watching as she pours herself a glass of water, staring in the mirror, pouting and twirling her hair. Or even when she's just randomly working out, or making a snack. "Can you like stop staring?" she asked annoyed as he blinked. Riki then took a seat beside her. "Why don't you love me?" The robot asked as Y/n rolled her eyes. "NI-KI bot.... You're creepy, weird, a robot and in no world is it ever normal for a human to love a clunk of metal." She simply said.

"So you're saying, it isn't love because I can't shed blood for you?... It isn't love because when we kiss there won't be saliva?... Technology's improved darling... and My name is Riki do not call me NI-KI bot." He said, his voice going a whole octave deeper as he slit the skin on his arm, real blood dripping out the slit, the cut itself looking like a human's. "Now should we test with the kiss?" he asked his head tilted a little, as he stared intensely at her. "N-No NI-KI- I-I mean Riki.... you just stay here..." Y/n simply said as she ran off into her bedroom.

Y/n checked that he didn't follow her, and shut her room door. She made her way to her bedroom window, opening it as she looked down. The coast is clear. So she jumped, expecting to have a fairly painful landing that'll be less impactful by the bushes. However, her landing was a little softer. She found herself, staring directly into Riki's eyes as she was indeed in his arms. "Where we off to pretty baby?" The robot man asked, his eyes darkening as he carried her in.

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

[david-tennant-addict]

Alec hardy x fem reader (smut if u r comfortable) let’s say where reader always annoys alec (she has a massive crush on him cause duh) and Alec is always annoyed by her and maybe she gets sick or something like goes out for a work trip idk and he realizes how much he miss her annoying voice lol soo yaa rest to your imagination

💜

One day

OMG YES I love that idea! This idea actually fits with my OC so I can easily write about this!

Since this is my first fic in a while I’m just going to keep it a Drabble. I might make more in the future.

Alec Hardy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none

Type: Drabble

Summary: Y/N annoys Alec daily but when she doesn’t show up and Alec wonders why he feels the way he does about it.

Y/n………she was always such an annoying lass. always talking about things that didn’t matter like concerts, songs, shows, anything that didn’t involve work. This annoyed Alec. He would be sitting at his desk trying to work on the case they were working on and she would be sitting on his desk which he hated and talk and talk. She never seemed to shut up.

Then one day she did. Well she didn’t show up to work……weird.

She always shows up for work. She would show up late a lot but still shows. But for once Alec had peace. And he didn’t like it.

He was sitting at his desk looking at evidence and papers about the case….As he read the paper all he could hear was that damned clock ticking. The silence was killing him. He stopped what he was working on and ran his fingers through his hair. He can’t work without her. Her chatter seemed to help him focus but he never saw that at first. “Y/n” He mumbled out into his hands.

After some time he removed his hands from his face and stood up and grabbed his coat angrily and walked out of his office.

Ellie saw him start to leave and she started to question him. “Where are you going? Did you find them? What’s wrong” She continued to question.

“Y/N-“ He snapped at Ellie. He sighed “ She didn’t show up. I’m going to check on her you stay and work on the case.” She agreed and he was on his way.

Meanwhile Y/n was in bed, curled up, every blanket in her apartment on her, shivering from the cold shivers of her fever that had sadly strucken her. She laid there coughing and hacking. And the fact that she was dehydrated wasn’t helping much, all she wanted to do was curl up and die in that bed, she was so dry and tired. She didn’t even want to get up for a glass of water which she needed badly.

The fever was so bad she didn’t even notice someone was banging on her door and it wasn’t just knocking. It was full on “FBI open up” banging. At some point Alec freaked out and bust open the door not enough to break it but enough to get it open. he searched all around her apartment until he finally found y/n laying in her bed in such a daze she didn’t even notice him walk in. He touched her face and felt how hot you were. (not talkin looks here but you look good girly)

He can tell how bad she were from his experience, being a father, and knowing what it’s like to be sick. He took some of her pillows and propped her up. he fetched her a glass of water and made her drink it when she took the drink of water it awoken her. She finally realized somehow Alec got into her apartment. “Wha? Huh? How did you even-“

“Don’t ask love. You were almost dead!”

“What? No- I’m just a little thirsty-“

“Lass you were dehydrated we need to get some food in your stomach.” He stated

“Why?” She asked

“Why? Well if you don’t you’ll go hungry and I-“

“No. Why are you doing this?” She said

Alec looked at y/n puzzled

“Why are you doing this? I thought you hated me or just didn’t care enough”

“Well………I thought I didn’t like your chatter. Then when I noticed you not come in I worried something happened to you”

“You worry about people?” she smiled childishly at him

“I do have a heart you know”

“One that you need to give a break”

“What?”

“Nothing”

Silence fell on the room as Alec went to go get y/n some food. After a bit he came back with a tray for the bed and some soup.

“Ok now careful it’s hot so let it cool down and then eat”

“Ok dad”

“Don’t call me dad”

“Ok……but thank you”

“For what?”

“Helping me”

“Well you needed it”

He grabbed a chair and sat by her bed

“What are you doing?”

“Sitting”

Well I know that but…. Why are you saying?”

“You need the help clearly.”

“I’m a grown adult I can handle myself”

“Yeah says the one that was laying here dehydrated”

“…”

“Exactly”

“Why did you come to help me? Aren’t I annoying to you?”

“A little but….it got to quiet”

“I thought you hated my rambling?”

“I did”

“Did?”

“Maybe….I liked it a little”

“Really?”

“I said a little”

The room got silent and Y/n thoughts got the best of her.

“Fuck it I’m going to be an adult and tell you since we’re alone and usually Ellie is here too-“

“You’re rambling”

“Yeah…..I like you” she flinched scared what he was going to say

“Hm”

“So?” She said

“Maybe I do too”

“REALLY?! OH MY GOD I could kiss you!”

“I said maybe and you’re sick so no way”

“Oh….yeah”

“But maybe one day…..”

“Yeah…..one day”

I hope you liked this ! Sorry if it’s not that good I haven’t written in awhile! 💜💜💜

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

i tried to check the fics u had available and it wouldn't let me save draft so here is a picture love u love u love u

NOVA <3 I am also going to do 10 for YOUR literal Gotcha prompt. Here we go!

30 for ⚡️:

---

 He just kind of has a look like a cat that fell into water. Which usually means something family-related happened. Usually with his parents. Who have both been a lot better lately, honestly, so Buck really hopes that’s not the case. Regardless, once Chris is out of earshot, Buck asks Eddie what’s up, expecting to hear whatever crap Helena has said this time. 

He is not expecting what comes out of Eddie’s mouth, instead. 

Which is… If Buck understands it… Pepa has a friend whose granddaughter is pregnant, but whose parents are horrible, and Pepa wants them to adopt the baby instead of following through with their plan with Adriana and Kameron. 

Buck’s instant reaction is a feeling of gut-deep discomfort. But he doesn’t know why. There’s nothing wrong with what Pepa has asked of them. To meet the young woman. To consider. To keep their options open. Buck knows it’s not a problematic ask, in itself. He’s just… He doesn’t know. He feels irritated about the whole thing. He wishes he could rewind, back out the door, and still be enjoying a simple day with Chris, where their future baby’s origins aren’t up for a larger Diaz family discussion. 

“I’m getting a sense you’re not thrilled about this,” Eddie observes when he’s done with his explanation. 

Well, no. Buck isn’t thrilled. But it’s not like Eddie is leaping for joy, either?

“I’m not thrilled,” Buck admits. “But I’m… I”m just processing.”

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs. “Honestly? Me too.”

---

30 for 🔼:

---

“And maybe that’s why you’re mad?”

Eddie swallows. “Yeah, okay. Maybe.”

“It’s not about you,” Shannon assures him. “Even if it hurts. I… I mean, that’s hard for anyone to accept, right? I know I suck at it.”

Eddie takes a deep breath. “I think it… It hurts more because…”

“Because you love him?” Shannon reminds him, ever so helpfully.

Eddie makes a pained noise. “Not just… But… Look, don’t get mad when I say this, okay?”

“Okay,” Shannon replies. Not a promise though. If he says something absurd, she’s going to react. 

Eddie takes a steeling breath. “Ever since we first met… Okay, ever since our third shift together… It’s been like…”

He’s struggling a lot. 

“Like what?” Shannon asks. 

“I was overwhelmed,” Eddie says. “I needed help, but I wasn’t going to ask for it. He… He just appeared in our life, Shannon.

---

30 for 🌲:

---

In all that he’s experienced, in all the nightmares he’s suffered over the course of his life, there is no recurring dream that leaves Eddie more unsettled. No bullet wounds, crashing helicopters, or cold, flooded wells. None of it makes Eddie feel so wrong and twisted than those dreams. There’s something about them that always makes him feel like he’s concealing something, when he wakes up in a cool sweat, presses his fingers to his spine, and finds it there. Like he’s a fraud. And one day, when he reaches back, he’ll find that the nightmare has become a reality. 

Eddie can’t give these nightmares a start date that he specifically remembers. Or, unfortunately, an end date. Just periods of intensity and periods of absence. They always seem to accompany periods of stress. After Adriana was born, when he crashed his father’s truck. When Shannon got pregnant. During all the rougher periods of their marriage. When she died. When he was shot. When he left the 118. Any time something bad happens to Eddie, he can guarantee, like clockwork, that hollow backed dreams will make a reappearance. 

This time, they come back after Buck nearly dies.

Or, not nearly. He did die. Briefly, but nevertheless. Buck died, and when Eddie can actually sleep again - because that takes days - his dreams are plagued. 

They’re elaborate this time. That’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s as simple as laying in bed or standing in the bathroom mirror, and discovering the truth of himself. The hollowness. This time, though, he’s at Buck’s funeral. Except, it’s not quite right. It’s not quite what a funeral should be. 

---

30 for 🤕:

---

They share a quick, routine kiss before they get out of Buck’s Jeep. Routine, but still very much wanted and enjoyed by Eddie. 

They have this rule. Once they get out of the vehicle, and their feet touch the pavement, they’re coworkers first. Obviously, still husbands and best friends and family in the way the whole 118 is family. But everywhere else, being husbands is priority number one. Here, and in order to make the case to the LAFD that they can in fact work together - and are better, working together - they had to make the distinction. So, one final kiss, before every shift. 

“Love you,” Buck says.

“Love you.”

Eddie has never been one for rituals since he left the church growing up. But this one always feels important. As simple as it is. 

9:02am

“Hey, look,” Chim says, grinning, as his phone dings with an incoming notification. He lifts his phone to show an iMessage photo from Hen of Denny and Mara grinning, walking on a trail through California’s redwoods. 

“Aw,” Buck smiles at the photo. “That’s awesome!”

“I take it they’re having a good time,” Eddie says. 

“Seems like it,” Chim confirms. “The kids even managed to keep the bickering to a minimum on the drive.”

Bobby laughs at that. “Now that is an accomplishment.”

“Well, hey I’m glad,” Buck says. “They deserve it.”

“They sure do,” Chim agrees. 

“Even if Eddie has to be in the ambulance all week,” Buck teases. 

Bobby sighs. “You’re truly hard done by, Buck.”

“I know,” he nods theatrically. “I’m being very brave.”

[aesterblaster]

Bad Dogs Can Learn New Tricks

Which Blue Lock Characters Have Gone To Therapy, In My Humble Opinion. (+ Who Desperately Needs To But Hasn't + Who Might In The Future)

Warnings: Some spoilers for way past the U-20 Arc, also not an extensive list of characters, honestly kind of funny. I wasn't trying to be TOO serious

Songs: Falling Behind / Laufey , The Main Character / Will Wood , Nothing's New / Rio Romeo

Has Gone To Therapy And Loves Their Therapist Gang

-Anri, There is no way she is able to have that much patience and take that much shit from corporate without having a therapist. I think she uses like 1/5th of her paycheck on books about improving your life and stuff like that LMAO. Her therapist is also a woman so it helps her to have someone who understands her frustrations with not really getting credit despite being one of the founders of Blue Lock. Also sometimes she gets worried she's unethical towards the boys so that weighs on her.

-Kenyu, Look it's still in progress ok? He was just starting before he came to Blue Lock. Once he realized he was going to lose his vision he started working with a professional and found it really helpful. In fact they were the one who encouraged him to go after Blue Lock in the first place. One of the reasons he was so quick to say sorry to Isagi is because he has those #coping skills.

-Gagumaru, After having a run in with a bear in the woods he kept having nightmares and his parents made him go to therapy. Well it was kindddd of therapy..it was a hippie who's a family friend. That doesn't mean he doesn't know grounding techniques. He even taught Naruhaya how to calm down from a panic attack once. But yeah, he doesn't really tell people that he went to therapy

-Snuffy, After his best friend's death he went to therapy ASAP. The type to only call his therapist once every 5 months and still have a rock solid relationship with them. His therapist helped him break his womanizing habit and realize that he's enough all on his own. 100% did some soul searching and stepped away from the scene. He also combined the therapist with a personal trainer to really max out his healing process. 100/10 dude for it.

"I Have Gone To Therapy And It Didn't Work" Crew

-Chigiri, Similar to Kenyu, his parents thought he might need some mental health help after the trauma of thinking he'd never be an athlete again. But he was one of those cold shoulder my mom is forcing me to do this cases. He never actually worked through what he might do if this whole thing falls through. Also snarkiness 100, his therapist almost quit because he was so insulting to them. Chigiri just felt ashamed that his parents even thought he should go in the first place and convinced his sister to also beg them to stop taking him lmao.

-Isagi, Okay at some point his parents realize he takes faliure wayyy too hard and tried to get him in therapy. When he talked to the therapist though the dude was like "Yeah, he's just competitive. Nothing wrong here." Alas, he's been masking for so long that he's incapable of revealing his issues to anyone who hasn't known him for 3 years or plays sports with him. Also, he convinced himself he doesn't need it and then idly imagines just going apeshit and killing his enemies to cope with stress...like bro...

-Noa, Why do you think he gets along with Isagi? All jokes aside, his PR people probably asked him to do it and he went and then secretly never went back. It honestly didn't work because he wasn't willing to give it a chance. And still isn't!!!! Would rather backflip off of a yacht than tell someone in a lounge chair about how growing up in intense poverty still haunts him sometimes, makes him question his worth and avoid conflict in day to day life. Sometimes he wonders if one day he'll wake up and find out it was all a dream....But nah he doesn't need therapy!

-Oliver, He was soooo close to actually getting his mental health in check but then his therapist retired. After that he got another really seasoned one and saw the amount of case files in his desk and just felt like a straight up burden. One of those "other people have it worse" and "it is what it is" guys. He's very open about his emotions and feelings so he just talks to his friends when he's really struggling. (Even though Sendou never says the right things-) Like yeah it's their job but why bug these nice people when sex?? Why talk about issues in sessions when he can get drunk or go train for 4 hours??? Riddle him that?

The "I Need Therapy And I Know It" Team

-Ness, He has so many fucking issues. Honestly, despite his devout worship of Kaiser he does realize that his behavior isn't quite healthy or normal. Dude tries to show you a funny video on his phone and all of his ads are for Betterhelp. Genuinely trying to figure out a diagnosis. Yes he has looked up all sorts of personality disorders and no he doesn't think he has any of them (He has at least two). But again, Ness is self aware enough to know that some help or someone to talk to who sees him as an actual human being would be nice.

-Niko, He cannonicaly describes himself as very very introverted and nerdy, also he hides his face. Tell me you were bullied in school or at least had an extremely traumatizing incident without telling me. Kind of never had anyone, just people who hung around because of his soccer skill or avoided him like the plague. He is that guy who will rant about "society" online for hours and fantasize about moving to a different country thinking he'd get better treatment there. Cripplingly lonely and self conscious at the end of the day, in all honesty. Also he genuinely wants a therapist but just can't afford one.

-Hiori, Obviously his parents are the ones who stop him. He tries to go and his mom realizes where he's making her drive him and swerves off. Even when he gets his license, you just know they're tracking everywhere he goes. He doesn't have enough privacy to really get better like that, Hiori has to wait until he moves out. Still genuinely fucked up by the fact that Gagumaru has gotten therapy and he hasn't. Just listens to emo music and plays video games and pretends that that fixes everything. He's totally releasing a top-selling book about his horrible childhood after Blue Lock.

-Bachira, Is he outgoing and silly? Yes. Does he need better coping skills? Also yes. Men will tell you the most horrible and traumatizing childhood memories about getting jumped and then laugh it off, and it's him, Bachira is men. He ties to brush off his trauma with humor but it never really works. He knows that he genuinely needs to talk to someone other than Isagi or his mom about the Monster and how it was by his side for so long. But also never goes through with getting professional help, just thinks about it sometimes.

The "What's Therapy? Fuck You!" Group

-Kaiser, Oh god, don't even suggest it to him. I headcannon that mental illness kind of runs in his family. He's watched family members be taken away for being too out there and openly mentally ill so he has a reason to not trust doctors. Just associates therapy and things like it with abusive institutions. If he told a therapist all of his issues, he'd probably be sent to a psyche ward. Just the threat of being sent there single handedly kept him from killing himself or talking about his feelings when he was younger. He will continue to just be slightly abusive to the people around him thank you very much.

-Ego, Bro's got the government banning him from soccer and you think he's thinking of therapy? When Anri tells him he needs it offhand, he's like, revenge is my therapy. Insane as fuck but thinks that it's a good thing. He is not willing to talk about his issues to anyone, but especially not someone who will write it all down. Genuinely ruined a few relationships in his past because the main people he attracts are the "I Can Fix Him" people and it just never works. Suprisingly unself aware for how much he analyzes others.

-Barou, His main issue is just shame and failed gifted kid syndrome. But as soon as he's back up he's convinced he doesn't need help. Barou suffers from really high highs and really low lows but he also has the mental fortitude to handle it. He is a well adjusted and kind enough person outside of the soccer field so he never considers that he needs therapy. When he feels bad about himself he hits the gym but he's never really opened up to anyone and he sure isn't going to start once he gets more famous. Especially when he's seen as one of the best right now, can't risk his reputation.

-Rin, He's would rather gut himself with a sword than admit that his mental illness doesn't make him a cool loner wolf and just a lonely person who hasn't healed his inner child. Kind of just wants someone to baby him and tell him everything's going to be alright but in the mean time his barriers are up 24/7. He disdains therapy, thinks that he'd just be seen as a pay check and he kind of isn't wrong. Rin would rather pay money for expensive cleats than spend it for someone to suggest him breathing exercises. He also had a traumacore phase, but he'd rather not talk about it.

[shattersstar]

ok but we need to hear more about college dick now👀👀

hehe ask and u shall receive because ohhh myyy dick in college is such a messsssssss but like so pretty it’s almost unfair

—

i love the idea of dick and a bunch of his friends getting a house together with the intent of being Normal for the first time in a while, which means being absolute menaces as most 20 smth yr old guys are

very much known for being a party house bordering a frat but all the guys r so nice that it’s rlly hard to think of them like that. it’s a space where he can let go, feel like himself and with the encouragement of his friends, dick puts the brakes on like relationship hunting and just has fun..

he’s been in pretty committed relationships since he was old enough to be and has always struggled with casual dating let alone sleeping with people he barely know. but when dick learns there r ppl out there looking for the same thing and not everyone wants to b the next future ex mr/mrs. grayson it makes it a lil easier to be his charming self with no bounds <33

and then he mets you and it’s the usual routine, flirting you to his bedroom which is in the basement—of course—well alllllmost doing so until you vanish out of his grasp for reasons dick cannot discern (you weren’t here for him silly)

and while he’s not like one of those oh i wanted to hit and couldn’t so im gonna chase you types, dick does have to reconcile with the fact your friends with roy and spend a lot of time at the house now

which also means he learns how cool you r and how goofy he feels for just tryna sleep with you

and despite his friends vouching for him you really only see (and have heard the numerous rumours) dick as a rich playboy and that’s not for you. plus he’s def a business or poli sci major……….but with a psych minor bc it feels the most practical despite how boring dick finds most of his classes

though when he realizes your both in a psych elective together he’s all toothy grins and obnoxious air which isn’t helping his case but of course he’s a decent student and when you mentioned hating statistics—you were stuck with the worse prof outta the two—dick jumped at the chance to help

you were sooooooo skeptical and even though agreed you kept brushing him off until dick just started helping you when you were over to hang out. he drops a textbook in your lap while sitting in roy’s bed or starts reviewing your notes and adding examples while your hanging out on the living room floor building lego sets with everyone else.

and dick did that a lot—sure it was his house and roy was his best friend along with all of his other housemates but dick never hesitated to insert himself into whatever you were doing when you came over. and it shouldn’t surprised you but everyone being so..unbothered by it had you confused. like maybe that’s how dick is but it spoke bounds to their closeness and was the First time you actually saw a little more to dick than just some campus hottie douchebag who threw parties to get laid

and while you weren’t about to tell dick that, you did start coming over with the intent of working on stats together. it usually meant dick having to re-lecture whatever your prof barely managed to explain and helping you with the page long equations needed for assignments

and dick keeps it as platonic as possible, on a mission to prove he’s not the person you think he is and not only because he wanted to be with you—well yeah he does—but because dick cares what you think about him. he knows his friends care about you and value what you have to say and he wants you to know it’s the same for him

and maaaybe you see that too but dick needs to suffer a little more

—

bonus: you talk to dick abt ppl you’re interested in at some point (either genuinely or to mess with him) when he insists on always hanging out with you and roy. and while he gives advice with a smile, still trying to prove his capacity for mature, platonic relationships, dick screams into his pillow later that night when he goes over the convo again and again and agai—

bonus bonus: he’s probably on the school’s gymnastics team <3

[xjulixred45x]

Can i request the hexsquad with a reader like stolas from helluva boss?without all his creepy attitudes obviosly,a young noble that goes to hexside with an terrible parent and a very young fiance that is scared of,just some comfort to the reader with real friends(i cant imagine what would happen if stolas reader comes out as teenage parent💀but sure a loving one if u ask me)

Howdy! My límit is 4 characters, so i'm gonna pick up the ones i find more acurrante for this situation. Thanks for the Request ❤️(You didn't specify so i go for a Platonic one)

Hunter/Willow/ Amity x Stolas! Reader

Genre: headcanons

Reader: male

Warnings: Bad parents, Bad parenting, High espectetions, low self esteem, arranged marriege, i didn't use the case of the baby bc the guys have like 14 so no☠️, Reader has a Bad relationship with his "fiancee", Fluff.

Hunter Noceda

Hunter probably knew Stolas! reader when he joined the Hexquad or through Willow, because I don't see it as very likely that he had friends in the emperor's coven (I'll do a drabble about that one day).

to try new things (and be away from his fiancée) Stolas! reader decided to join the Flyer Derby team, which was a surprise in itself because he seemed like someone...very...weak, at least in Hunter's eyes.

but the demon quickly became almost the opposite, summoning monstrous specters with his haunted items and his book (grimoire?) and honestly left him in disrepair.

although Stolas!lector was definitely "weak" in other ways, mostly because he was so SOFT.

He had great destructive potential, yes, but when I got to talk to him, he was so damn nice that it was suspicious (to him).

At first Hunter pretended to be angry at the constant reader talk, but little by little he lets down his walls and joins in a little in their talks, especially if they have to do with magic.

Hunter has a LOT of questions about how Oracle magic works ESPECIALLY from Stolas' family! Reader, how do you see the future with such precision? How do you control so many monsters at the same time? they might even compare research notes :D

When Hunter comes into trust with the reader, it is quite easy for him to see through him and how things affect him. like the thing with his fiancée for example.

Now, Hunter, unlike the following cases, firmly believes that THE FIANCE is the problem of everything and is willing to go for blood (he's like, how dare you make my friend cry?)

Hunter PERSONALLY doesn't think it's appropriate for Stolas! Reader and his fiancée try to be friends, make things happen? Sure, but being friends after all the bad times they've been through? titan no...

As for the terrible father thing...he can relate...A LOT.

Similar to what he did with Gus, he would share his experience with the reader and try to make him feel better.

but MOST OF ALL he goes into big brother mode when the reader is around his father (Hunter would have an inhuman amount of BEEF on the man)

Hunter knows what it's like to be manipulated by the person who's SUPPOSED to take care of you and someone you ADMIRE on top of it, so if necessary he gives the reader a reality shock when they need it.

Does being like Stolas include being fluffy and like an Owl? If so, there is no WAY Hunter doesn't end up sleeping (whether on purpose or accidentally) on the reader's soft fur (he gets very embarrassed later)

I imagine Stolas! reader tends to be very VERY dense and Hunter would definitely make some harmless jokes about it (like when someone is BLATANTLY flirting with him and he's just like "do you know what the differences are between frogs and toads? :D")

Reader's gardening hobby definitely helps him serve as a matchmaker between Hunter and Willow, whether leaving them alone on purpose or leaving a nice atmosphere ;)

Despite this, Hunter definitely thinks that reader plants are a bit too nippy for his good 😅

Hunter doesn't understand much about Astronomy or how it relates to the Oracle, but he will happily listen to the reader talking about it and tries to listen and understand as best he can. instead the reader hears about his fixation on Lobos :D

When Hunter and Willow are together, Stolas! The reader becomes his third wheel, or rather, his "practice son" is quite funny.

In general you could say that Hunter is slightly more protective of Stolas! reader for his naivety and gullibility, but he does not believe that he is any less capable for that.

He is still a great friend to him :3

Willow Park

Willow knew a little about Stolas reader, precisely because of how relevant his family was and that apparently the boy would be in her same year.

low key, Willow was nervous about this news at first, she was afraid of running into Stolas! reader for fear that he would become a Bully on her similar to Amity and her group in the first season.

but one day she ended up drinking with Stolas! reader as he ran to class, both dropping several things.

To Willow's surprise, Reader was really friendly and apologized A LOT for bumping into her, helping her pick up the books while talking about how he was new and got lost easily and how his locker tried to eat his hand.

In addition, he was completely amazed when he saw the copies of Erbology books that Willow had for her plant class, and he began to ask her MANY questions.

What were the types of plants like? Do they have carnivorous plants? Can you see them? Can you feed them? Do they have species from all the islands? and the list goes on..

Willow was so stunned by all the questions and the fact that who she thought would be her worst nightmare turned out to be a super innocent kid that she almost forgot she had class.

After that, Stolas reader would spend his time looking for Willow to talk about plants, to his joy and Willow's dismay, who on the one hand couldn't say that he disliked reader, on the contrary, he was very sweet and friendly, but he feared this. It would end in him being swallowed.

But when he met his "fiancee" with certain frustration problems...

At first Willow tries to help Stolas reader hide, but eventually tries to get them on good terms at least.

If it works, great!

If it doesn't work and you still hate each other, well, you can try that plant that reader has been studying so much--

reader is very supportive of Willow with her grubgy Flyer career! He is going to encourage her with his carnivorous plants with signs to encourage her🤣

Willow helps with Stolas Reader Gardening Hobbies!, whether it's reminding him when to water the plants, helping him get rid of the weed that bites him, or even growing plants he wants when he's feeling especially down.

Stolas reader has even tried to use his Oracle magic to make Willow get better grades, sometimes it works and other times they spoil half their lives, at least they know they will be friends in 20 years!

Willow is very emotionally supportive of EVERYONE, this does not exclude Stolas! reader, not only with his complicated fiancée, but also with the fact that his father is a TERRIBLE role model and treats him TERRIBLE.

Willow has tried to suggest that the reader take two classes, both Oracle and Plants, but the reader is TOO afraid of her father to tell her that she doesn't want to study what he says, which leaves Willow quite sad.

One thing's for sure, there are sleepovers at the Park house! and definitely try to include the reader in plans with friends as much as possible.

just like Willow is a safe place for Reader, Reader is a safe place for Willow, they are each other's shoulders to cry on, in a way.

Reader is definitely the ultimate shipper Hunlow (although he threatened Hunter that if he did anything to Willow he would put a curse on her, tear her to pieces and feed it to his plants. Hunter understood).

Both can be terrifying when angry or using all their power, although they are usually rays of sunshine.

In short, two rays of sunshine that help each other to relate to the group (don't mess with them, they are much more dangerous than they look)💚

Amity Blight

ohhhhh boy, she understands ☠️

She probably know Stolas! reader thanks to his parents being friends and/or business colleagues, similar to Boscha's parents.

Odalia insisted that Amity try to be her friend so that she could improve her relationship with her family (a very important one among the covens, especially the Oracle's).

So Amity took note and prepared herself for a capricious and pedantic prince, similar to Boscha.

Imagine his surprise when Stolas! reader ended up being the complete opposite, someone very reserved, shy and wanting to make REAL friends.

If we talk about Amity from the first season, at first she had difficulty accepting Lector, precisely because of his reputation, but they found that they had several things in common.

books for example.

Amity ended up running into Reader several times in the library while working, mainly in the reptile and botany areas, which seemed strange since he was in Oracle classes.

They would end up having conversations about frogs and what they were like outside of the boiling islands, it turns out that the reader's family could use Oracle magic even in the human world, but he loves to see the "rare" specimens they had, like the opossums or giraffes.

Being the least mean to him, Reader spent his time stuck next to Amity, and she eventually warmed up to him and she would keep him company, even open up to him.

He definitely knows about her arranged marriage, and he didn't like how it scared him, he can bet that on a couple of occasions Amity threw her away with her abobinable.

(although I think it is not impossible for him to accept her as a friend of himself and the reader if he shows he really wants to change or at least try not to take out his frustration on the reader)

defends him when someone tries to take away from his abilities as a member of the Oracle, he's like "do you think you know more than HIM??" and it definitely gets into hands sometimes😅

Amity HATES the reader's father, she considers him to be even worse than ODALIA. What kind of father commits his 14-year-old son?? (she hopes he finds out that they have been engaged since they were 11😬) and can't stand the way he talks about his son . If I could, I would send you the Alador abobinables.

✨bonding through shitty parents ✨

She highly encourages reading hobbies, especially plants and reading, you can even read to the kids together!

she defends Stolas a lot! reader from her family when she has to see them, especially from her father, if she and the reader's fiancée get along at this point, they will most likely make an alliance to protect Reader.

Amity even tells him about Azura's books that she reads! and compare notes and drawings they make of the characters

Listen to any babbling or rant that the reader has to give, whether it be frogs, plants or prophecies he saw on his own in the stars, astronomy, etc. Even if she doesn't understand shit, she just nods and won't let anyone take away that beautiful moment from the reader.

Imagine Amity introducing Luz to the reader! she would be SO happy to see that they would both get along because they are "nerdy" in different ways, but that they complement each other well.

I think Amity is definitely rooting for Stolas! reader to confess directly if he has a crush, after all, he is cute, comes from a good family and has a big heart, who wouldn't want to be with him? It even helps you make a note!

She wants the reader to find REAL love and not be forced to have a partner for something like status.

She supports the reader all the way when she decides to reveal herself to her family, she knows how scary it is, so she even offers him not only a shoulder to cry on, but also to stay with her for a while.

She tells him how brave he was and how happy she is for him.

Overall, rich, misunderstood best friends who stick together 💜

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Thanks for the Request ❤️

[skyartworkzzz]

COTL Headcanons ramble

Felt like sharing these in case I take a long ass time to draw it out These are still raw in my mind, so some things may change futurely or the way I explain it might not make sense BUT ALAS it is fun to ramble

SO WATCH OUT FOR THE LIST UNDER THE CUT!!

Before Narinder was banished, a feeling of mistrust was already growing amongst the siblings, and one of the reasons for such a thing involved envy (except for Shamura, I like to think they were above finding themselves lower or greater than anyone) Ever since a young age Narinder has always been a fast-learner, and quite skilled at everything he did. Gardening, fighting, cooking, strategizing, he was good. Definitely not perfect, but alarmingly good So as time went by, the Bishops grew colder with him until he eventually turned against them all, and thats where their feeling of envy turned into fear. For both of their own lives and their brother's, because that's when they realized his "flawless" abilities were always and clearly prone to turning him into the monster he then became (smtng like Anakin Skywalker if the image I have of him in my head makes any sense-) Naturally, a feeling of guilt lingers in them for not having been able to see it sooner and stop it, but as Shamura pointed out after Narinder was sealed, this was meant to happen. He was meant to be a monster, and a really good one

Aym and Baal were secretly given to Narinder by Shamura; they performed a ritual by themselves and killed the kits to send them to the Gates. When the brothers arrived, Narinder reluctantly took them in and naturally grew fond of the twins as time went by, but because they were sacrificed as offerings, Aym and Baal were half-immortal (something like the Lamb once they receive the Crown), meaning that they still had mortal needs such as eating or sleeping At the time, Ratau was serving Narinder as the bearer of the Red Crown, and amongst the rat's adventure, the god of Death eventually introduced the red chest we use to sell things for gold. He would request Ratau regularly to send in meals and fish in order to feed Aym and Baal (and I feel like a genius for coming up with why that chest exists hi-) When the kits were finally fully grown and well-trained, they ascended to Divine Guardians of TOWW and officially started serving him Despite their Ascension, Aym and Baal were never trapped into the Gates, so they were able to visit the world above but as ghosts of sorts (which means only a few ppl would be able to see them). It was through these ghostly travels that both were able to learn who their mother was and watched her from afar when not serving TOWW

The Bishops were once mortals before becoming bearers of the Crowns, a long time to ago, meaning that they likely have a life they no longer rememeber For the funs and giggles of it, I like to imagine that this "long time ago" for them was around the times animals still did not wear clothes nor knew how to speak aside from their respective noises AUHAUHASDJSD ALSO POSSIBLY LESS HUMANOID I like the thought of them looking either much more beast-like or just- tiny. Very tiny. As the animals they are AUHAJMDKADS

The Lamb doesnt know how to do SHIT aside from fighting. Im writing my Lamb as an artist in my Death After Life fic for the sake of the angst, but in actuality, they do not care about art that much. I like to think that they'd prefer small silly doodles over full-blown paintings, but if they do put in the time and effort, they manage to make smtng Mona Lisa-esque. So the skill is there, but they prefer to not use it unless for smtng specific. Its like those kinds of hobbies nobody knows u have til u make smtng CRAZY yk This also goes for cooking, except they are truly a Terrible cook, in modern AU Lambert lives off from cheap pizzas and dollar-stored cupnoodles u cannot change my min-

Leshy is the one who'd soften up the most for me. Obv still a fcking GREMLIN but I think he'd be much more considerate than his former self My guy would go from "kys /srs" to "kys /j" ALSO I like to think his and my yellow cat's love language is gifts and/or acts of service, theyre oftenly pampering each other out of the blue <3

This idea is still in the approval stages but.............Shamura remembers a bit of their pre-Bishop life. A bit. And that bit revolves around the fact that they might have known love in the past. Perhaps a romantic one, Im still not sure- Which now that I think about it would make the most sense as to why theyre so forgiving to Narinder, since the Bishop of War would probs want anything but peace with those that wronged them, unless they had a good reason not to cause havoc immediately............

[rpgchoices]

How to romance Marazhai (mainly dom!Rogue Trager focused)

First of all, I need to send a thousand thanks to @pjenn @chonker-chan @wretchedelights and @milleart because without their comments, suggestions, warnings and guides I would have not been able to successfuly romance Marazhai as dom!RT. Also a thousand thanks to reddit user u/TohnoRin who also helped me fix the romance.

for an in detail guide on the flags this romance has, and how to avoid bugs and get the ideal ending please check wretchedelights post at this link!

Jan/2024 his romance is currently slightly bugged if you play as a dom!RT. I will update this in the future.

CHAPTER 2 (meeting Marazhai)

While I do not know if other options would also end up in romacne/recruitment, I made sure to choose the answers that were not "I will kill you" (or maybe he would have loved that).

Options and dialogue from act 2 is fromt he Marazhai romance playthrough 1/? post to the 7/?, and you can find them at this tag: Marazhai romance chapter 2.

The quest to meet him the first time is called "Blades in the Void".

CHAPTER 3 (recruiting Marazhai)

In the playthrough tags it is from n 8/? to n 20/?, all tagged Marazhai romance chapter 3. Plus, I did not have some scenes in this chapter so I posted them separately: Argenta and Heinrix about Marazhai; Marazhai's killing blow quest.

Before starting the chapter

Effectively, the chapter is triggered by the point of no return in chapter 2, which is Yrliet asking you to look into a lost ship. The quest is named "Following Breadcrumbs" and at this point just know that whatever characters you bring they will be the only characters with you in chapter 3.

In particular, if you have two between: Ulfar, Heinrix and Argenta, you will unlock some extra dialogue with Marazhai and will have to defend your recruitment of him. Given Ulfar is recruited in chapter 3, you should bring at least one between Argenta and Heinrix. Also, Ulfar needs to be recruited before Marazhai in this case.

Chapter 3 starts with your kidnapping. You will have to find all your companions but one (in a separate map) before your first fight in the Arena. After your first fight in the Arena, you can access Tarvantias' Anatomical Opera where you can recruit Ulfar, find one of your missing companions (for me was Cassia) and talk to Marazhai. Marazhai is on an elevated platform, right from Tarvantias. Here you can ask him to join you.

Recruiting Marazhai

Next is the Arena fight where, if you were successful, Marazhai will join your side, and this is where you recruit him. Back at The Pit you can chat with him and your companions.

Make sure to choose "you intrigue me" when he asks you why you decided to recruit him.

Sub/dom choices unlocked

Chapter 3 is the one that has the messy dom/sub flags, at least until Jan 2024, hopefully it will be fixed later. This means that if you want to be a Dom!RogueTrader you need to choose to sub-adjacent options (in particular at the Pit allow him to grab your chin, and later allow him to use the agoniser on you). If you want to have your character be submissive, then choose the dominant options. In any case, you will be able to change these values with Toybox mod.

The Spire

Once you are out of the streets you can get to the Spire. In my list of playthrough I missed a scene (I did not look for it and did not get the Killing Blow quest), but it seems like it did not change my game or romance.

Here Marazhai will also asks you to stop by and grab something of his (the agoniser, which is on the last floor of the map, the same where his sister is located). I can't confirm but I also read online that picking this up seems to be fundamental to unlock the romance. After you kill his sister, this is the end of Chapter 3.

CHAPTER 4 (romance)

Here is the full playthrough of chapter 4.

Back to the Voidship! This is also where the romance starts. From this point on, the dom/sub flags are correct so you can choose the correct dialogue options.

If you activate on toybox the chance to see dialogues flags and consequences it will be pretty easy, as you can see the tag for "ascension". This is basically an approval meter, the higher it is the more likely to get his true romance ending.

The order of the romance is:

1) In voidship, dialogue with Marazhai, ask him why he needed the services of Tarvantias.

2) First voidship warp jump, you will get news that Marazhai is on a rampage. Go to him, try to break him free from the demonette (I used persuasion, Yrliet's help and coercion) and then warn him of her attack.

3) The post fight dialogue has the romance trigger. Choose between giving him free hunting range (Sub!RT) or giving him a limited area (no dom/sub points but the only option for Dom!RT).

4) Go talk to him back in the bridge of the ship and he will give you the quest "Shards of Tempest".

5) Two jumps or more from this point, there will be a cut scene with him asking you to kill together. The sub!RT option is asking him to guide you; the dom!RT option is to tell him to ask properly and in this case if you did things correctly he won't complain and won't be annoyed with you. With dom!RT, he will just kneel and ask you to join him.

6) Go along with his murderous desires. Just know that for now the aftermath bed scene is sub!RT coded even if you have the correct dom!RT flags, it's okay! Also try to kiss him, I have been told it leads to a later scene!

7) Now you can do his personal quests. While the quest is pretty vague and open, the real quest is three rumors: Suspicious Ships (in Langrenn's Belt), Xenos Skirmish (in Orsellio Prophecy, the planet is Arid World), Fall of Santiel's Pride (in Nolla Septum). You will get fights (ex. clear the Nolla Septum planet and the Drukhari ships) or dialogue options where you can send Marazhai. Do not worry if the rumors don't clear, for me only the Fall one cleared as completed.

8) Go back to the bridge of the ship and you should have a cut scene where Marazhai gives you a gift. Accept one of the three gift options, and then use it accordingly to the role chosen (don't mix it up!), I am playing dom!RT and I chose to use a torture device on him, he was very happy. There is no dialogue difference between the three gifts, only the description.

9) At this point you can proceed with the main quest.

10) If everything goes well, you will get some ascension points (this will give you true romance at the end) and dominant (or submission) points through the main quest (be cruel, eat the brain, re-establish your dominance or submission role when he tests you)

11) After the main quest (the siege) you will get the branding scene. Remember to follow your role! I am playing as dom!RT so I branded him and he was pretty happy.

12) Talk to him on the bridge for some extra dialogue (he flaunts the mark).

CHAPTER 5 (ending)

Chapter 5 videos of the playthrough are here. (to be posted soon)

Chapter 5 is very short so it is almost impossible to miss Marazhai's tempest quest. Visit the few planets around you and you will see some Drukhari ships. Marazhai's old kabal will want to meet him so invite them on the ship.

If you are playing as dom!RT you can get more ascension points (this is for the true romance) by re-establishing your role. Do not be afraid to humiliate Marazhai in front of his people, he wants that and will be disappointed if you do not remind him of his place.

Follow the quest and go to the trap and kill Marazhai's old kabal. This is the final quest for him. I know there are other endings, so I am sure there is a way to make Marazhai into an archon, but for me I had no chance to.

At this point you will get his ascension scene. You will get this scene if you accumulated enough ascension points by re-establishing your roles (these are more or less "approval" points). The scene will start with Marazhai asking you for a bigger feast (murderous killings!).

If you refuse you will lose precious ascension points. If you accept you might have to kill one of your advisors. There is an iconoclast option so I suppose there might be a dogmatic or heretic one, and if you choose that you can reign in Marazhai and make him kill only on a limited side of the ship (the iconoclast option tho is very dom!Marazhai at the moment).

After, you will get him declaring his loyalty and affection for you!!

If you tried to kiss him before, remember to pretend to want to break things off so he will desperately pleade and you can actually kiss him:

(remember that you can add ascension points with toybox if needed).

This is the end of his romance, if everything goes well by the epilogue you will have a slide where it is said that Marazhai is often by your side and you have an unbreakable bond!

[sovonight]

First of all, I love your art! You’ve got such a good grasp of lighting and expression that I always sit and *stare* at the art when you post!

I don’t know if you’ve answered this before, apologies if you did and I missed it! But— I was wondering if you have any tips for canvas sizes and resolution? I never know what size to go for, and finding advice has been surprisingly hard for some reason. The reason I ask is because you make similar types of illustrations I make (comics, sticker designs, etc) and your art always looks crisp!

Again, thank you for sharing your wonderful art! <3

aww thank you! i'm flattered to hear that ;u;

for canvas size, a good general guideline is to go with the size of your final print, plus any applicable bleed, at 300 dpi. if you're like me and uncertain what you're going to use the art for, but want to keep the door open for prints in the future, go for bigger dimensions or higher dpi. personally i tend start my canvas at A4 at 600 dpi, and crop/expand as needed from there. my file sizes get pretty big bc of that, but the peace of mind is worth it to me

for comics though, i'd recommend getting that final trim size locked down before starting on the art, because it's such a pain to convert between length/width ratios after the art is finished. i also do my comics at a higher dpi (450 usually) just in case i do have to rescale things later

[pacifymebby]

Hello! Can i request a peaky blinders x terminally ill reader. Like, they don’t want to fall in love with her because it’s like falling in love with a ticking time bomb that’s gonna leave them devastated, but she’s just so lovely they can’t help them self

So cause I'm not terminally ill and therefore can't write a totally honest view of what this would be like, im going to try. Some of them might not be 100% how u asked so sorry in advance.

Tommy

🌿 He can tell you're hiding something from him and the rest of the world from the moment he meets you, he can tell its something dark and sad, but he thinks that makes you just like him and so, if anything, it only draws him in closer to you.

🌿 He thinks you're beautiful, he likes to listen to you singing while you work down the market. He can sense that whatever your secrets are, they mean he should stay away, but even before he really falls for you he can't. You just drew him in.

🌿 I think in the case of tommy it would be you trying to keep your distance from him, putting up walls and trying not to let him too close. You don't want to hurt him, and you don't want to hurt yourself by dangling a future you know you can't have in front of yourself.

🌿 But one day Tommy gets fed up with all your defenses and kind of snaps, calmly, but still, he lets his frustration get to him all "Whyre you doing this eh darlin, its like I'm trying really, really bloody hard to get to know you but theres all these doors you keep lockin right in front of me fuckin face, every time i try to talk to you, another wall going up and up and up... Whyre you doin that? Puttin up walls eh?" he'd say it all so intensely, and so calm and soft by the end of it, so that you can see the affection and need in his eyes abd it breaks your heart...

🌿 And when you tell him whats really going on you expect him to leave but he doesn't

🌿 Because this is Tommy isn't it. So narcissistically obsessed with his own doom that if he'd really thought about it for a second he could have guessed that he was going to lose him. That any chance of happiness he had with you would be the temporary, doomed kind.

🌿 He kind of embraces the pain and punishes himself with it every day, but is also determined that you don't deserve this. Maybe he thinks he deserves to lose the love of his life as penance for his sins but you do not deserve to lose your life because some ugly man from Birmingham did some terrible things. So he'd be defiant about it, he'd love you anyway despite knowing he perhaps should try not to. He'd love you like pressing on a bruise, embracing the pain he's in whilst doing everything in his power to give youba good and happy life.

🌿 He won't leave you. He'll tell you he's not going to leave you, he'll make sure you're completely certain of that. "Its important to me darlin, that you know that right, I'm not gonna leave you, I love you and I won't stop just because of some fuckin illness yeah, i won't..."

🌿 Actually he'll straight up marry you. Even if you think thats pointless because you won't be around for very long, he'll insist that it happens. He loves you, he wants to marry you whilst youve the chance.

🌿 Blames himself for the illness, even though you were ill before you met him. In his head its like this... If you were fated to be the love of his life, then that is what doomed you to a premature death, because he needs to be punished for his sins. He thinks you were sent to punish him for his sins.

🌿 He won't tell you what he's doing but he'll keep searching for ways to heal you, things that could save your life. Even if he doesn't find any, he won't give up. He'll start fuckin praying again. He'll go sit in a church and break down, beg for your life to be spared and his taken instead.

🌿 But he won't let anyone see or know his desperation. On the outside he will mostly remain stoic.

🌿 And he'll want to take care of you every step of the way, when you're in your last days he probably won't want anyone else around, just you and him, him doting on your every need, holding you when you sleep. Always scared you won't wake up. Telling you he loves you, but more importantly showing you he loves you with every little thing he does for you.

🌿 You might try to make him promise you he'll find someone else and fall in love and have a family and all that without you and he won't mean it when he promises you that he will. But he'll promise you anything, say anything to keep you calm and content in your last days.

🌿 He won't let you see him crying, he won't be "weak" in front of you. He'll be so brave and determined even though his heart is breaking because he won't want to upset you. He'd want to preserve your happiness and comfort for as long as possible.

🌿 Rather than getting teary upset i feel like he'd express his emotions through frustration and take them out on other people. He'd probably be a lot less patient with other people, snapping at them and making rash careless decisions. His brothers would have to work extra hard to keep him "sane" and make sure he doesn't do too much damage.

Alfie

🐻 Is an "old man" well aware of his own mortality and of life, suffering and death. You're not the first terminally ill person he's met and he knows exactly what he's getting himself into by getting close to you

🐻 His friends warn him maybe once, maybe they ask him if he really thinks its a good idea, getting so close to someone who won't be around forever... But one look from alfie, one quick and cutting sentence is enough to warn them off ever asking again.

🐻 "Oh an i suppose you think you will be around forever do you Ollie?"

🐻 He's not naive, he knows its going to hurt but he's also not naive enough to believe then that it won't be worth it.

🐻 Because he adores you, your gentle ways, your soft beauty, your kindness, how sweet you are, all he ever wants to do when he sees you is hold your waist in his hands and draw you in close to him. Hold onto you and have you all to himself.

🐻 He loves you, to put it simply, and you, to put it even more simply, deserve love. Being ill, dying doesnt make you any less deserving of that love. And he has so much love for you.

🐻 "If I can't have you for as long as I live right darlin, gonna make sure you have me for as long as you live yeah, reckon that makes sense doesn't it, makes perfect sense to me poppet, yeah makes perfect sense to me..."

🐻 He'd be completely devoted to you. He'd spoil you rotten, he'd want to make sure you got to do everything you wanted to, see everything you wanted to whilst you were still able to. He'd piss everyone at the bakery off by taking all this time away, practically throwing his business away so that he could spend time with you.

🐻 Basically puts Tommy in this frustrating and stupid position where tommys no choice but to mind the bakery whilst Alfie is off with you

🐻 And then when you're really sick and getting weaker every day Alfie is by your bedside doing as much for you as he can. He doesnt want some nurse you dont know attending to you, he doesnt want you to feel alone... He only trusts himself to be able to take care of you and he probably does everyone else's head in telling them exactly how you like to be washed/dressed, exactly how to cook your food.

🐻 Much like Tommy he'd be desperately sad about whats happening to you, he'd feel his heart break a little more each day but he probably won't cry in front of you, he'll probably try to be brave for you.

🐻 Very short tempered with everyone else. He will cry but only when he's alone, honestly maybe in front of Tommy and only for a second before he composes himself again.

🐻 Writes a whole fucking opera about you as a coping mechanism.

🐻 Always wants to be holding you or touching you somehow, like hes scared to forget how it feels. Always holding your hand in his.

🐻 Likes reading you to sleep, putting records on for you. Writing music for you.

Arthur

🍂 Is devestated, can't put his feelings into words at all, can't cope with the idea of losing you.

🍂 Everyone warns him about falling for you but their warnings come too late because he already has and he adores you. He wants to spend his whole life with you and when it becomes apparent that thats never going to happen he is distraught.

🍂 He doesn't want you to live he NEEDS you to live, he can't accept things the way they are, has to believe you can survive even though deep down he knows you can't.

🍂 He gets so angry and bitter, not with you or at you but at the world and with everything else. He's angry at the illness for taking you from him, he's angry at the world for being such a cruel and unfair place.

🍂 Tries to turn to god, tries to pray, thinks that perhaps if he repents for all the bad things hes done or, if he begs god enough, he can trade with you, he can die so that you don't have to. Because "its fucked up isnt it darlin, that someone so fucking kind and good and pure can have to deal with this, whilst the rotten likes of me just go on living an fillin the world up with bad things"

🍂 Arthur doesn't have the self control his brother has, he won't hold back in front of you even if sometimes it would be kinder for him to do so. There are probably things you don't really need to hear about how cruel the world is, how unfair everything is, but he doesn't have a filter and sometimes when his emotions get the better of him he just spills it all.

🍂 He will cry in front of you, you'll hold him whilst he sobs into your chest and breaks down. Then apologises because "you shouldn't have to be dealin with this, I should be being the fuckin strong one.."

🍂 Takes a lot of his emotions out in the ring and they probably have to try and stop him from going there because the damage he will do with all these enotions coursing through him could be deadly.

🍂 He would get more and more unstable the more ill you got, unable to cope with whats happening. But he'd so desperately want to be a good husband to you. He'd beg Polly and his sister for help, asking them for advice. Polly would probably be his rock here, giving him advice, giving him a hug when he needs one, a slap and a shake when he needs to snap out of it and be there for you.

🍂 She'd help him take care of you, teach him how to look after you, how to be gentle when he's taking care of you.

🍂 At the point that you're too weak to get out of bed he'd lie with you or sit with you whenever he could, he wont give you peace talking to you about everything thats been happening, nervous talking too because he doesnt like the silence. But you like listening to him ramble about everything.

🍂 You also like the fact that no ones worried about talking of peaky business in front of you so you get all of the gossip.

🍂 He won't be particularly articulate but he'll tell you he loves you constantly.

🍂 Brings you little gifts of food and sweet treats all the time. Makes you food his mam woulda made him when he was sick as a child.

John

🌼 John seems so happy go lucky, laidback, still such a child at heart and you're drawn to him because of that. Admiring him from afar, falling in love with his laughter and that cheeky grin. Torturing yourself because hes something you just cant have.

🌼 You don't want to let yourself near him because you don't want to take that carefree nature away from him or taint him with the side effects of your illness, the stress anxiety and torment which seems to taint everyone you get close to these days.

🌼 But John has been in love with you since the second he laid eyes on you and he's determined to ignore your warnings about staying away from him.

🌼 As far as he's concerned you deserve to be loved, whether or not you have the potential to break his heart or not. Technically - and this is an argument he comes up with all the time - technically, everyone has the potential to break everyones heart, he could get shot and killed tomorrow before anythings even really happened to you. He could fall in love with some other lass and she could get hit by a car or die in some sudden accident. "Just because you're really ill flower, doesn't mean I shouldn't love you. Doesn't make you not worth loving... If anything it means you should be loved twice as hard now... I've got a whole lifetimes worth of love to give you so better not to keep stalling... "

🌼 His family think hes impulsive but he marries you almost imediately. Youre the love of his life and he wants to spend as much time as he possibly can being your husband.

🌼 He would want you to have the best possible life you could, even if it was only short so he'd take you travelling to see all the places you wanted to see. He'd help you do all the things you wanted to do before you died.

🌼 He'd do his best to keep up his usual ray of sunshine persona, still being boyish and charming, always teasing you, always trying to make you smile. Out of all the peaky men John is the one who treats you least like you're terminally ill. He isn't quite so obsessed with being careful with you or treating you like you're delicate. He lets you make the "I'm going to die anyway" joke sometimes when it comes to you doing unwise things like drinking/smoking or going for a ride.

🌼 He wants to keep you laughing and smiling for as long as he possibly can

🌼 When you get more sick and you begin to grow weaker he does struggle more, he doesnt like seeing you look so unwell, so in pain. He wants to be with you all the time but he doesn't want you to see him get upset.

🌼 He goes to Ada for support and she lets him hug it out or cry to her. She'd give him the love actually advice of "cheer up, no ones gonna shag you if you cry all the time" type of joking advice which is exactly what he needs to keep his head up and stay strong for you.

🌼 He too would want to be there for you and help care for you everyday even if he doesn't really know what hes doing. If he couldn't help he'd hold your hand and reassure you.

Bonnie

🍀 He's heartbroken when he finds out, naturally, no one wants the person they love to suffer, however

🍀 Rather than get too caught up in how long you have left together, Bonnie feels blessed just to have you at all and he's determined to love you for as long as he can.

🍀When he tells you this, "I love you little dove, all this love aint goin anywhere just cause you are, I'll love you my whole life I know I will..." "But you shouldn't Bon its going to hurt you so much, I'm gonna cause you so much sufferin an you don't deserve that..." "You don't deserve to be alone though do ye? And I'm tough dove, I can survive," he'd make a show of flexing his biceps to prove how strong he is and try to make you laugh.

🍀 Like John he's determined to keep you happy and smiling for as long as he can. He'll make jokes, he'll tell you how beautiful you are, how loved you are. He'll keep telling you all these things even when your light does begin to fade.

🍀 He spends as much time with you as he possibly can. Being a hopeless romantic he'll definitely want to marry you.

🍀His own mother died when he was young and his father's already been through this, Aberama would be a little torn, he'd want his son to be happy and so he wouldn't want him devoting his life to a woman who's going to leave him so soon, but he'd also want his son to be happy which means letting him devote his life to you.

🍀 Bonnie would try to be brave, he would try not to cry in front of you, and though he might not shed any actual tears, you can tell when he does want to cry, when he's upset his jaw tenses and he gets this far away misty look in his eyes.

🍀He wants to give you everything in the whole wide world but he doesn't have the time, he wants to make you proud of him so he's extra determined to win all his fights and train hard... But sometimes he also just, can't see the point? What does fighting matter, what does being the champion of the world matter when the love of his life is going to have to leave him so soon.

🍀When you get restless he wraps you up warm and takes you off on horseback to the middle of nowhere where the two of you can get some peace. He helps you bathe in the creeks and rivers, lies with you wrapped in blankets under the redwood trees.

🍀When you're ill he wants to be the one to take care of you, to nurse you, to help feed and bathe you. He won't leave your side for a second and he'll really piss Tommy Shelby off by refusing fights and refusing to work. He doesnt care if his life or future is threatened. Nothings getting between him and you now.

🍀 Sings for you whenever you ask, tries to make up little stories for you. Is still determined to make you laugh/smile whenever he can, even when you're very weak.

🍀 Always bringing you flowers and pretty things he finds for you outside when you're too weak to go exploring with him.

🍀 Holds you every night when you're going to sleep, lies awake listening to you breathing determined that you'll wake up again in the morning. Kisses your hair/forehead/temple and hands all the time.

Isaiah

🐀He loves you before he knows youre terminally ill and you're affraid to tell him because you don't want him to leave.

🐀Everyone can see him falling for you, he's not exactly subtle about it - and that fact alone means he must be falling really hard for you. He asks after you all the time, he's always abandoning his friends when he's out if he sees you, choosing to waste his time talking to you instead.

🐀And regretfully it's Michael who ends up telling him about your condition. When he finds out he does get scared. He panics and doesn't know what to do.

🐀He doesn't want to lose you, but he doesn't want to get too close... The problem is he already has feelings for you and he can't just turn them off. In fact he knows full well that even if he'd known from the second he saw you at the Garrison he wouldn't have been able to stop himself falling in love with you because you're perfect. You're his perfect girl and he would never have been able to ignore you.

🐀So he backs away a little, he tries to fall out of love but he struggles and, just as he was expecting he fails. If anything trying to pull away from you only makes him more certain of his adoration for you. He loves you. He's so sure of that now.

🐀You aren't stupid, you notice him pulling away and trying to seperate from you and though it makes you sad you're not surprised and you can't say you dont completely understand.

🐀 So you try to tell him that, you try to speak to him gently, try to tell him exactly whats wrong with you, roughly how long you have left. And he listens and tries not to get upset and does quite a good job, then when you say "it's alright Isaiah i understand... If you dont want to stay I understand..." thats when he gets upset

🐀 He gets angry, upset with you for not valuing yourself more, for accepting that someone might not want to love you. But mostly he's angry at himself because even this little argument is wasted time he could have spent holding you, kissing you, telling you how much he adores you.

🐀"No don't you dare say that, don't you dare pretend that this is fuckin fine or that you understand, I've been so fucking selfish love, you deserve to be loved and I don't fuckin deserve you because for a second I was too busy thinkin bout me fuckin self to think about you and what you need!"

🐀And from there on out hes unshakable and so stubborn about loving you, he spends as much time with you as he possibly can. He tells you he loves you like a hundred times a day.

🐀Michael and his friends can't understand whats gotten into him, he asks him one day if he doesn't think he's "wasting" his time and Isaiah has to try not to get angry. Because thats a cruel way of putting it even if thats not how it was intended to be.

🐀"Course I'm not wasting my time, she's the only good use of my time... This is the only important thing i think I've ever done with me life, you know... Loving her like... If it were you in my position you'd understand, it'd be the same for you..." "but you coulda... You know chose not to be in your position..." "nah" says Isaiah, "i couldnt have chosen anything, s'not a choice mate, i just love her and always have..."

Michael

☘️ He definitely experiences "love at first sight" which is something he didn't really believe in before. But when he sees you he's swept away by your beauty and he knows, just knows, youre the girl hes supposed to fall in love with.

☘️ He tries to pursue you and you don't really take him very seriously because he's michael gray and hes got a reputation about him when it comes to the ladies. You think he just wants a one night stand and so you flirt back and laugh him off and tease him until he ends up confessing everything to you in a desperate attempt at getting you to take him seriously.

☘️ But then he's confessed everything to you, so now you have to tell him something too, thats you've an incurable illness. At first he doesn't understand and you have to spell it out to him. "It means I'm going to die Michael... And much sooner than you will..."

☘️ His first instinct is anger, he feels upset and betrayed that you didn't tell him straight away but this quickly subsides because he isn't really angry, hes heartbroken.

☘️ "If you were to ask my advice I'd say you should go off and find yourself a different girl," you smirk, youre only joking and actually if he were to follow that advice you'd be heartbroken, and pissed off too.

☘️ But Michael is two things : a gentleman and desperately in love with you.

☘️ So he just smirks and shakes his head, "forgive me love but i dont think you give very good advice..."

☘️ He knows how much its going to hurt but he keeps telling himself he's been through worse. He hasnt but he deludes himself with this notion so that he can stay strong for you.

☘️ He won't show you how upset he is about it unless really pushed to, perhaps nearer the end he'll break down, unable to hold it in and stay strong... But for the most part he is determined not to show weakness or to let you feel sad or despairing. He wants to reassure you all the time that everything will be alright and you don't need to be scared.

☘️Cries a lot in secret. Cries to his mother about it. Pol tries her best to support the both of you but its difficult watching her son have his heart ripped out. Difficult too watching you have yours ripped out.

☘️ Sometimes you wish you hadn't fallen in love because knowing what you're going to leave behind now makes the thought so much more painful. When you talk to Michael about it though he puts on his brave face and offers you all the reassurance in the world. Tells you you'll meet eachother again one day. Jokes he might not even be that far behind you. You hate it when he jokes like that though and he often does it just to wind you up, just to get you to play hit him and lighten your mood.

☘️ He'd organise the best private care for you, go with you to all your doctors appointments and try to keep as much of it under control as possible. He'd want you to try any cure they threw at you and there probably would be arguments about it if you didn't want to try something. In the end though he'd always put your wants above his own and listen to you.

☘️ Michaels quite a serious and sullen lad but he doesn't want you to feel serious or sullen so he often has to force himself out of his over thinking moods and into a more lighthearted one. All he wants to do is keep you smiling and hopeful.