#<-*says this every day when karin does anything*

[peachy-artist]

Hey I know the wiki is a hit or miss with correct info, so can anyone confirm if this is true or not? About Karin investigating and finding this info? Did she write an article in game that I happen to miss?

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma In-Depth (Part XVII): Two Steps Forward, and Going Down Swinging

In the wake of feeling professionally replaced (and betrayed), Mulder continues to commandeer the Galpex-Orpheus oil rig... that is, until Doggett begins to assert his own dominance, too.

In other words: how does their dynamic change, now that Agent Doggett is head of the files?

SHIFTING HIERARCHIES

We left off with Agent Mulder making Agent Doggett jump through hoops to prove himself-- antics which have, by degrees, whittled away the patience Doggett kept doling out for his partner's wayward partner.

Now, however: enough is enough.

"Agent Mulder! Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!” Doggett demands, roaring up behind the aforementioned man (who is studiously ignoring every word he’s saying.) Patience thoroughly thinned, his voice-- while controlled-- projects across the oil rig: the days of biting his tongue are over. “Like it or not I've been assigned this case-- one call to the Deputy Director and you’re canned for insubordination.”

Instead of addressing his claims, Mulder deflects, “How are you going to call when the radio’s broken?”

“Hey, don’t push me, Agent Mulder.”

Mulder pulls up short, turns, and faces Doggett coolly. “You won’t do it.”

“You think?”

“We're both in the same boat, Agent Doggett. We're just paddling in different directions.” Which is an admission, albeit late and smugly given, of Mulder’s feelings and reservations: Doggett’s not a bad man, nor a simple cog in the machine. He is, however, allowing himself to be used as such-- Mulder believes-- which is a danger in and of itself. But instead of communicating this directly, he characteristically dodges a straight answer-- a behavior Mulder is forced to overcome (forced to grow up from, in a way) halfway through Vienen.

Fed up with uncooperative grabs for leadership, Doggett lays down the law. “No, we’re not going in different directions here-- we’re going in one direction. My direction.” 

Snapping his head in a faint nod, Mulder’s mouth drops open slightly as he considers how to challenge this new angle. Despite feeling affronted, a tinge more respect floats to the surface: he can't help respecting someone who confronts him honestly, in spite (or because of) all his difficult, sanctimonious, cryptid approaches and critiques-- trust through transparency, essentially (which is also how he can easily be manipulated, be it from Phoebe Green or Alex Krycek or Diana Fowley or Karin Berquist or etc.) 

Following Doggett’s authoritative footsteps, Mulder raises his voice across the sparse, accumulated distance. Nasally and matter-of-fact, he argues, “I don't think Kersh expects you to come back empty-handed on this one. Since you have already told me about what you think about this case in so many words, I don't see you coming back with anything that's gonna protect anybody's business interests.” 

Thoroughly riled, Doggett stops and slowly turns, slightly grimacing with contempt. “Wow, you really got me pegged. Anything that doesn't fit in my narrow field of vision might as well not exist, is that right Agent Mulder?” 

Mulder stares, then slightly nods and gulps-- pegged, and a little impressed at Doggett's combined insight and complete self-control. An accusation of this nature would have made him or Scully blaze up, but not his replacement. Agent Doggett, then, isn’t as soft-bellied as he'd supposed... which shouldn't be too surprising, given the man's penchant for taking undeserved punches and still saving lives days later (post here.)

Although Mulder doesn’t deny the accusation, he doesn’t need to: his faulty perception has been revealed. The past has already justified his replacement: Doggett, for all his practical, probable skepticism, still encouraged Scully to take leaps of faith in their cases-- he’d studied Mulder’s methods, notated its success, and trusted to that process, to the work, in Mulder's absence. The exiled x-file agent doesn’t know this, of course-- his former partner hasn’t told him about her new partner’s recruitment, or about Doggett’s journey towards a form of belief, or about Doggett’s steadfastness and loyalty. And why hasn't Scully told him about everything? Because Mulder didn’t want to hear it; and, resurrections and PTSD and abruptions aside, perhaps she wasn’t ready to get into a larger conversation over issues that would resolve themselves in a few weeks (via her maternity leave), especially in light of their recent reconnection. This is, of course, speculation built off of Mulder's hinted one-liner (previous post here), but it fits quite well with what we’re given in Alone. 

Besides, Mulder previously glimpsed Doggett's floundering struggle with, but not complete rejection of, the unknown (post here)-- a truth he'd set aside in wounded pride (post here.)

“So why is this man Taylor lying?” Doggett asks, seeing that he’s nailed Mulder’s motives and proven himself again in some small measure. “You do know he's lying, don’t you?”

Bobbing his head and licking his lips in agreement, Mulder drops the cynicism and gives John Doggett an honest, upfront answer: “I think he knows the truth about what happened. And he may not be the only one.”

The other agent, however, is not charmed by this admission-- too little, too late; too many bits and pieces that add up to a mercurial, paranoid loon. 

“I never would have believed it, these stories about you”-- gives away Agent Doggett’s position, as well. Up to this point, he’d borne Mulder’s antics with the graceful assumption that there was ‘more than meets the eye’. Agent Mulder was the crazy man burrowed away in the basement, yes; but the extent of his conspiracy theories for something as simple as turf wars over an oil rig-- Doggett assumes-- frustrates, baffles, and disappoints. 

Eyebrows pumping-- guard shooting right back up-- Mulder prods, “Really-- what stories are those?”

“That you can find a conspiracy at a church picnic.”

Again, nodding; again, reasserting dominance; again, changing his opinion, Mulder concludes, “What church?” before he walks ahead, leaving Doggett’s consternation in the dust.  

GOING DOWN SWINGING

Here we reach the first marker for Mulder’s resignation decision, and the boldest on-screen nudge, thus far, of his impending fatherhood-- which we all know at this point is criminal, particularly so because David Duchovny would have loved to flesh out the more personal aspects of his character’s challenges and changes. But I digress.  

Scully calls the oil rig with salient and pressing information; and before she’s either disconnected or connected through to Doggett, Mulder intercepts the comms. 

“Well I’m sorry, Agent Doggett’s gone fishing. Can I take a message please?” He slides into the chair, lips gleefully glued to the microphone-- tickled to talk to Scully.

“Mulder?” she questions-- not tickled to find him there. Big consequences-- huge-- if this gets out. 

“I was just in the neighborhood.” 

“Mulder, you can’t just flout orders like this. It’s not like old times-- Kersh isn’t going to tolerate this.” 

“Kersh doesn’t need to know.”

“Mulder….” 

It’s like old times: Mulder sneaking off to the sea somewhere, unable to let the evidence get away yet unwilling to take Scully down with him (ex. Tooms, Triangle, etc.) And like old times, he knows he can completely trust her: “You need me out here, Scully, you know that better than anyone.”

But a neat little twist happens (the second for Mulder in a span of hours): Scully agrees with him, openly-- “I hate to say, as of this morning, I’d have to agree”-- so openly that he immediately realizes she’s been sneaking around, too.

“Who’s flouting orders-- you found something, didn’t you, in that victim’s body? The virus?” 

It’s a delightful little punch of character work, a reminder to the audience that Scully has grown since Mulder’s abduction-- that she is willing to take leaps separate from her partner (old and new) in order to follow her own instincts. In this case, conducting Simon de la Cruz’s autopsy instead of shipping the body back wholesale to Mexico, weaseling around top-down commands in order to do so. Mulder takes this in stride, without comment: it's just enough like "old times"-- as he mentioned in the previous post-- that he can lose track of the differences in his post-abduction reality.

“Yes, I did; and it’s dead, Mulder.” 

“Dead? What killed it?” Puzzled, sucked into another mystery, he swipes at his nose, churning through variables. 

“Possibly radiation.”

“But that’s not possible--”

“I know,” Scully cuts in, not wanting to waste a precious second. “And this could be an isolated event, but that he’s infected at all means that everybody out there could be at risk. And that means you and Agent Doggett.” 

She stresses 'you', here, but the original purpose of her call was to back up Doggett-- an excellent carry-over from Medusa, and a neat little foreshadowing of the guilt complex she will battle in Alone. Even so, she, again, stresses 'you' because Mulder's unaccounted for presence has thrown a wrench in her subterfuge.

“We got to quarantine this rig,” Mulder decides. 

“No, Mulder-- you need to get off the rig.”

His face shifts, tongue lapping his lips as Scully offers up a faulty alternative.

“Have Agent Doggett give the order. We can quarantine you and the crew when we get back there.” 

“Scully, if these men are infected, the last place we want them is onshore where they can infect other people. You’re sitting on the answer right there, Scully. The body: you can find the virus, you can find what knocks it out, you can find what kills it.” 

Uncomfortably, she shifts, eyes clouding over, voice strained. “And what if I can’t?”-- the old undertow that steals her confidence from time to time, the one she battled in his absence (i.e. Patience, Badlaa, etc.), rears its ugly head.

And this, this is the moment Mulder realizes the costs of his position: tilting his head, he contemplates the possibility of his death, troubled--

--then freezes, looking up at the sky as he remembers his child. 

“When he, uh,” Mulder begins, closing his eyes and wincing over his words, “when he gets old enough, tell the kid I went down swinging.” His tone is no longer evocative, insistent, or charged… in fact, his voice has dropped a few decibels and sounds someplace close to defeated. 

In the fervor of saving the world, chasing the truth, hounding after the "Them" that continually puppet and destroy the lives of others, he forgot about the one person who can’t take care of itself, who utterly and wholly relies on him (and Scully.) In Three Words, Mulder knew the baby was his (posts here and here) but was too consumed with staying afloat to fully embrace the child, let alone the responsibility of having someone else rely on him. He was afraid, moreover, to drag Scully and the baby down with him. In Empedocles, he and his partner had a talk off-screen (post here) that prepared him for the next step: a present at the apartment, a hand on her belly, a commitment to the child in the form of a Mulder family heirloom. And now he’s here, commitment is staring him in the face. As Mulder feared in Three Words, he is letting Scully and the baby down. The only recourse left (is to solve the case, save the day, and get home in one piece. 

But what about next time? Who can he rely on to save the world in his stead? It’s a question Mulder has to confront and come to terms with-- and one he does (or attempts to do) in Vienen’s final scene.

Scully immediately heaves a sigh at his words-- refusing, absolutely refusing to engage with this hypothetical-- and orders him, “Let me talk to Agent Doggett.” Whenever Mulder gives up, it’s usual for Scully to step up to the plate and drag him to reason… however, it’s new that she asks for someone else in his stead. Is she replacing him, considering his opinion less than or his tactics faulty? No: she is simply doing everything she can to make sure the father of her child makes it off that rig. 

Her partner, meanwhile, resents that Doggett’s advice would be worth her attention. “Agent Doggett’s not here right now.”

“Yes, I am,” barks Doggett, a frowning, sturdy figure in the doorway. When he demands, “Who’s on the radio?” Mulder brushes him off-- plopping the headphones down, flailing his arms, and stalking out of the room-- without disconnecting the channel.

It’s likely, perhaps, that Doggett could have talked to Agent Scully if he hadn’t followed Mulder out, incensed again. So, did one agent storm and shrug off the other, on purpose, to draw the bull away with a flag?

BATTLE PLANS

“Who you talkin’ to?” Doggett insists, escalating to a sharp, “Hey!” when he isn’t answered. 

“That was Agent Scully.”

“What’d she say?”

Mulder keeps walking, facing away as they head into a sheet of steam. “She said it was lucky that I’m out here.”  

“No, you’re lucky I’m lettin’ you stay.” Stressed, wired, and at his limit, Doggett reroutes his voice from its taut, wounded note to a hushed, firm one. “You got information important to this investigation, then I better well know about it. I’m in charge out here, Agent Mulder.” 

Again, Mulder responds to that transparently commanding appeal, turning around and looking his compatriot directly in the eye. 

“Alright, then go ahead and take charge. Only you might not like what it means in this case. What you’re going to have to do with that information you’re so anxious to have.”

And, while the dialogue and marked lack of a response isn’t… the best writing, the challenge is clear: here’s your shot, prove me wrong. 

Agent Doggett, sensing that challenge, is ill at ease; but he takes up the gauntlet, regardless, and leads the lock-down debriefing on the rig. Mulder hangs back, respecting his position-- approving, silently; and when Doggett walks over later, he invites him along without second thought to locate one of the missing crewmen. 

It’s the barest whiff of camaraderie, but both men seem to have struck a bargain for another test drive. 

Fresh off of quarantine orders, replacement agent wants answers: “So, what are you hoping to find, Agent Mulder? Honestly?” 

As they talk shop, Mulder finally begins to share theories-- or shadows of theories, opening up the more Doggett takes his answers in stride. It’s the same method Agent Doggett used on newly un-parterned Scully, one that seems to work well on both Spookys.

Still, all they’re working off of is hunches; and Doggett isn’t too keen on building an investigation solely around guesswork-- particularly when it's Mulder's guesswork; and even more particularly when it shuts down an oil rig involved in a dicey American and Mexican territory dispute. 

“You know? I quarantine a whole oil rig without any evidence to support what you’re saying-- not one thing-- but you still have yet to give me a straight answer as to what you think is going on out here. If these men are hiding something, if they’re protecting something, what is it?” 

“I don’t know yet,” Mulder confesses.

“And when you do, let me know-- 'cause I’ve got to get on the radio to justify this action.” Mirroring their walkabout before, Doggett switches up positions by taking the lead.

And like before, Mulder takes up pursuit-- but this time, he hangs back a second, struggling internally. This time, he has to confront an uncomfortable truth: if he's going to work with Doggett, he's going to have to trust him a bit more-- a precursor to that leap of faith. This time, Mulder must acknowledge that two are still better than one, even if the other half of the team is not someone he cares to confide in-- even if he, himself, is technically no longer part of the team.

What would mucking up the potential of the case through reticence prove? And truthfully, that wasn't (and isn't) his goal, regardless-- but he still needs to communicate this; and to communicate this, Mulder has to stop clinging to a bruised ego and admit to his own shortcomings, baring the fragility of his theories to the new X-Files head for assessment and judgment. In short, he must be vulnerable.

“Agent Doggett,” he calls out, “I didn’t come out here just to bust you. I’m telling you, I’ve seen this substance. I’ve seen how it can take over a man’s body. This crew could be infected and not even know it. They may have no idea they’re being controlled.” 

Giving him a processing, though still skeptical look, Doggett leans over, swipes some oil on his finger, and purses his lips as he prods, “This? This is what you’re saying is going to take over my body?”

Mulder jostles his head, annoyed and uncomfortable. 

“Well,” Doggett continues, “when’s it going to kick in?” 

Mouth clenched, the oil expert shakes his head stiffly. “That’s not how it works,” he insists softly. “It body jumps from man-to-man; and I’m not sure that it’s in all oil.” 

Turning sarcastic at Mulder’s uncertainty, Agent Doggett adds, “Well, that’s a relief, because only ninety percent of the planet is dependent on the stuff.” 

This statement snaps the disparate pieces together; and Mulder's face hardens in realization: the representative of Galpex oil lied. 

“What, he’s infected, too?” Doggett snips; but his asides and warnings-- “You’re reaching, Agent Mulder”-- are lost in the other's madcap rambling. Finally, he turns to leave, only stopping with restraint as Mulder calls after him.

“Agent Doggett! What, wh-what, what if that’s why this man is hiding-- Diego Garza-- because he knows what they’re up to; and he knows what they’re up to because he’s the only one who’s not infected with this alien virus?” 

“Alright, he knows,” Doggett concedes, willing to play along. “Why doesn’t he just come down and tell us?” 

And suddenly, without warning, an alarm blares out across the rig. Doggett takes off, but it’s Mulder who passes him up and arrives at their destination first. 

The radio room is on fire.

CONCLUSION

And there we have it-- progress has been made.

Now: into the inferno.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[justsasuke]

Team Taka TV habits

(Did I do this already? I can’t remember lol)

Suigetsu chaotic is the only way to explain it. He’s that guy who knows everything about pretty much every show ever without having watched most of them. No one knows why he knows so much about CSI: Miami when he’s never seen it but he does. The shows he does actually watch are high action, high emotional stakes shows. Chronic talker while watching. You will have to tell him to ‘shut up’ at least 10 times. Once watched twilight “for fun” and then talked about it for days afterwards. Is team Jacob.

Karin has three shows she watches annually and knows by heart. Anything she watches has to have at least one character for her to hyper fixate on. Doesn’t enjoy mystery shows because she always figures out the mystery 15 minutes in and says it takes all the fun out of it. Usually likes shows that are character driven and smart. her “guilty pleasure” (which she’s not guilty about but Suigetsu says she should be) is super sappy romance dramas.

Sasuke Tends to watch movies more than TV. Secretly enjoys Suigetsu’s running commentary but won’t say it out loud. Has a bad habit of starting shows and then never finishing them not because he lost interest but because he just forgot about it. Is pretty much down to watch anything at least once. Has fallen asleep in the most intense parts (which Suigetsu filled him in on later). If you’re sitting next to him on the couch he will fall asleep on you.

Juugo doesn’t really follow any mainstream shows. Likes to watch documentaries and home renovation shows. Occasionally watches the food channel but only the shows that introduce different foods from different areas or teach you how to make something (he doesn’t care for cooking competition type things). Likes to be cozy on the couch when he watches so he watches the most in autumn/winter. Is usually the one sitting next to Sasuke on the couch.

[jesseevelann]

How are Konoha's most and least picky eaters?

The most picky are probably Ino, Tenten and Hinata. I imagine living as a princess, Hinata would be used to fairly gourmet stuff and might not have the stomach for certain "common" food. Ino would probably avoid fatty and sugary foods to avoid weight gain, and Tenten I feel would avoid more exotic foods.

Shikamaru would prefer easy to make food that doesn't involve a lot of movement. He'd probably eat a lot with Chouji, so he wouldn't have to cook often, but when he does he wants it simple and easy, even if it's not the healthiest of options.

Kiba would stick to food that he knows are good for Akamaru to eat so he doesn't feel bad for not sharing. A good combination of meat and veggies that aren't toxic for dogs, he eats relatively healthy because of it. The only time he wouldn't share is if it's something bad for Akamaru like Valentine's chocolate or something that was specially made for him... and probably because it's too salty or too spicy for Akamaru.

Neji, although a Hyuuga like Hinata, isn't exactly royalty like her, so he'd probably end up with smaller, shittier portions of food for a good lot of his life. I imagine he'd eat any food he was given, as to not be disrespectful and because he hasn't eaten very well and he knows the opportunity doesn't come up often.

Sasuke during his travels I picture being the same. He'd eat almost anything, but ration it out a lot. He'd make sure the rest of his teammates, Juugo, Karin, Suigetsu, have enough food and are full before eating himself. He'd be fairly thin because of it, and kind of why he relies on Ninjutsu more in my opinion, because he doesn't have much body strength or energy because he doesn't eat enough.

After he starts getting more money and being able to afford healthier food, I picture Naruto loving the stuff and having a hard time eating things like noodles because he had so much of it as a kid. He'd have mostly rice, vegetables and healthy selections of meats, and struggle to make himself eat ramen in most instances.

Shino has a preference for plain foods, nothing over the top with too much flavour. He doesn't like strong smelling foods, so I imagine he'd avoid things like garlic and curry that have a pretty strong smell. He'd prefer a lot of fruits and salads, but to keep up with his body's needs, he'd eat certain types of meat for iron and other necessary vitamins.

Sai I imagine has more taste for flavourful foods. Not too much, but just enough to detect the different herbs, spices and other tastes. I think he'd be quite picky with the kind of herbs and spices that are added into his food, and he most certainly wouldn't be afraid to let someone know that.

Chouji eats everything and anything food. A connoisseur of snacking. An expert on the fine arts of sweet, salty and savoury. But, I think before missions he'd eat a lot of carbs to have more energy.

I imagine Sakura and Lee do this as well, but before training and long days of work where they're constantly active as well. If it keeps them fit and running, and keeps their body healthy, they'll eat it. Salads, vegetables and meals high in protein and vitamins. Plenty of water too, but Sakura may have a cup of coffee every now and then to stay awake throughout long nights of work.

This is more of a dive into what their dietary habits look like rather than their pickiness, but it kind of works as both.

[greatideas-badwriter]

Worth The Risk: Chapter 4

"What do you want?"

Sakura squeezed her eyes closed. Her voice hadn't wavered, and for that, she was grateful. For the past three days, she slept on the floor at Ino and Karin's dorm. A call from the terrifying man seemed inevitable, but it hadn't come until now, her first night back at her own place. Upon arriving home, she realized someone had been inside because the deadbolt was no longer locked.

'I have a strong inkling who it was, too.' Obviously, it was Sasuke. It'd be too big of a coincidence if not.

The line remained silent, which threw the woman off because she expected Sasuke to immediately start yelling at her like he had in the alleyway on Sunday.

"Are you there? I'm going to hang up."

"Don't," his voice finally came, sounding just as irritated as it had last she heard it.

Trying to come off as brave, Sakura said, "Did you break into my apartment? I should call the police."

Sasuke scoffed, making her irritation flare, "Yeah, good luck with that. Listen," he paused for so long that she had to look at the screen to ensure the call hadn't dropped, "I…have a question."

Sakura was confused, for sure, because the man on the other side of the line wasn't anything like she'd experienced thus far. He almost seemed nervous or uncomfortable, but that couldn't be true. "Y-You can ask it, but I won't promise to answer it," she cringed when her attempt at masking fear came off as argumentative.

He bit, sounding more like himself, "Where do you get the audacity to talk to me like that? Keep pissing me off and see what happens."

'Damn it, Sakura! Stop digging the hole deeper!'

The man continued when she couldn't figure out how to respond, "Did you know it was me Saturday night?"

To say Sakura was bewildered would put it lightly, 'He all but threatened to kill me, and he's worried about whether or not I recognized him at the club? Is he insane?'

"Uh, no. No, I didn't, or I wouldn't have…."

"Are you telling the truth? If you're lying, I'll find you no matter where you run."

"Do you really have to threaten me every five minutes?" She bit her tongue at the end of her outburst, cursing inwardly because she'd, once again, lost her temper on the irritatingly gorgeous man.

"Are you at home right now?"

Sakura immediately panicked because she was sitting on her bed with a pillow on her lap, "J-Just tell me why you wanted to know. What does it matter if I recognized you or not?"

A long silence followed her question before Sasuke finally responded, voice severe and odd like when she first answered the phone, "The reason I acted the way I did was because I thought you did it on purpose."

Sakura gasped, "Of course not! Are you kidding?"

"Well, what the fuck do you expect me to think? You dumped wine all over me and then gave me blue balls a few days later. I thought you were trying to get back at me."

"I already told you I didn't mean to pass out! I get really sleepy when I drink a lot!"

Sasuke paused before calming down again, if only slightly, "So, if you hadn't fallen asleep, would you have gone through with it?"

The woman felt uncomfortable but reluctantly responded, "I don't even remember leaving the club with you, Sasuke, so I don't know. If I willingly let you in my apartment like you insinuate I did, then I guess I probably wouldn't have fought it."

"Why do you have to say it like that? It's not like I forced myself on you."

"That's not what I'm saying. Can you stop trying to argue every time I answer a question?"

Sasuke sighed, sounding irritated again, but a hint of something else coated his words, "Alright, look. I haven't met a woman that pisses me off as much as you, but I admit that I might've deserved to have wine dumped on me. I also jumped to conclusions the other day, so I'm fucking sorry, okay?"

Sakura's mouth fell open, 'Did he just apologize? What the hell! I thought he was calling to-' "So, do you forgive me or what?"

She wasn't overly familiar with the man's mannerisms, having spent a very short time in his presence, but it wasn't hard to picture the angry and embarrassed expression he must've been making. The last thing she expected him to do was swallow his pride and take responsibility for his actions.

"I-I, um, okay. Yes, I forgive you. Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me."

Sasuke's character switched instantly, "So we're good then?" "...yes?" "Cool."

There was a long, awkward silence before Sakura swallowed nervously, "Well, I guess I'll get off of here then. Good night, Sasuke."

He seemed confused but didn't argue, "Right. Talk to you later."

Once the call ended, she stared at the screen in utter disbelief, talking aloud to herself, "What in the world just happened?" Shaking off her unease, Sakura sat her phone back on the nightstand and snuggled under the covers to attempt to go back to sleep.

The next day, during her first class of the day, the woman's phone vibrated with a text message. Clicking it open while half paying attention to the professor, Sakura did a double take when it was from Sasuke's unsaved number, 'You're in college, right?'

A little unsure, she responded, 'Yes. Why?'

A couple of minutes later, he responded, 'Which one?'

Negative, fearful emotions swept over her, 'I thought we wouldn't speak again after last night. Why does he want to know? He's not going to show up, is he?' Too uncomfortable to respond, Sakura simply left him on read. 'I'm leaving on Monday. I just have to avoid him for two more days.'

So, she ignored the second text message mid-day that consisted only of a question mark and didn't answer his call that night, either. The poor woman was so scared he'd show up at her apartment that she wedged a chair under the doorknob so it wouldn't open even if the locks were picked.

After their conversation Thursday night, she didn't feel he'd stalk or hurt her anymore, but she also didn't know him well enough to be entirely certain.

On Saturday, she was texted only once. It said, 'You're so annoying.'

Sakura scoffed, irritated as she walked home from her afternoon class and imagined what she'd say to Sasuke if he was in front of her, 'Yeah, so are you, Asshole. For some reason, I lose my temper whenever you open your mouth.'

Sunday, there were no calls or texts, to her relief.

Then, the day of Sakura's departure arrived. After visiting with Ino and Karin to say one last goodbye, she grabbed her backpack and duffle bag. The cab she took could only get within two blocks of the crowded bus station, so the woman walked sadly down the sidewalk, doing her best not to cry.

'What will he do to me when I get back to town? I know he's pissed, but how far will he take it?'

"Look who it is."

The woman jumped in fear, only to look over and see Sasuke walking by her side with his hands in his pockets. Frowning, she attempted to mask her mild fear and discomfort, "Hey."

"Aren't you a ray of fuckin' sunshine? What's with the bags?"

Sakura kept her eyes downward, picking up the pace of her steps so they'd get near other people sooner and wouldn't be alone together. "That's none of your business."

The man grabbed her arm, making her face him with wide, green eyes. He glared, "What's your problem this time? You said we were good, but you're still like this."

Brow furrowing, she tugged her arm from his grasp, and luckily, he allowed it, "Listen, Sasuke. I did forgive you, but with all due respect, that doesn't mean I want anything to do with you. Please leave me alone."

Dark, angry eyes burnt into hers for a silent moment, the man obviously not having expected to be turned down so bluntly. When he said nothing, she began walking again, "I'm going to be late. Bye."

'Don't look back. He's a walking red flag. Who cares if I hurt his pride just now?'

Sakura thought he'd finally given up but sighed when he jogged to match her step, "Are you serious? Do you know how many people would kill to be in your place right now?"

"Well, they can have it, then. I don't want it."

"Are you going to the station? If you give me a kiss, I'll drive you so you don't have to use the bus."

"Go away."

"It can even be on the cheek."

Having reached her limit since she was already an emotional wreck before his arrival, the woman stopped, clenched her fists, and turned to face the tall man, "You want to know where I'm going? Fine. I have to move back home because I can't afford to stay here anymore."

Sasuke's eyes widened, "What?"

With a lump in her throat, Sakura glared firmly, "If that's all you need to know, then excuse me, but I'll miss my bus if I waste any more time."

This time, she reached the corner of the station's block. Dozens of people were passing by on the wide sidewalk, both to and fro, before he snatched her duffle bag from her shoulder, "It's because I got you fired, right?"

Sakura made a grab for the bag, but he held it out of reach with an attractive frown on his lips, "I don't have time to point fingers and argue right now, Sasuke! Give it back!"

She jumped with an outreached arm, but he held her back with a hand on her shoulder, "Shut the hell up for a second! I'm trying to help."

'Last call for bus K-ONE!' The intercom announced, making Sakura look toward the station.

'I have to go now, or I'll miss it!' With no choice, she turned and sprinted into the station, leaving her bag with Sasuke while dodging and bumping into other people.

"Sakura, wait!"

The woman looked over her shoulder to see him trying to catch up in the thick crowd. Something hard smacked into her front, and she toppled onto her bottom. When she looked up, a massive redheaded man glared down at her.

Gasping, she scrambled to her feet, "I am so sor- "Watch where you're going, Bitch."

Mouth clamping shut, the woman stepped back, only for his dark eyes to lift above her head and widen.

"Who the fuck do you think you're calling a bitch? Apologize."

"She ran into me!"

Sasuke stepped around her, grabbing the front of the stranger's shirt and hissing with a terrifying look, "Apologize, or I'll cut out your tongue." He dropped Sakura's bag and reached into his pocket to pull out a pocketknife, flipping it open.

"S-Sasuke, what the hell? Put that away before you get arrested!"

"Sorry, Ma'am." Her green eyes turned, disbelieving, onto the now visibly frightened man. The black-haired man at her side put the knife away and released his shirt but followed him with a dangerous glare.

Snapping out of her stupor, Sakura grabbed her forgotten bag and gave her rescuer an apologetic look while glancing at the terminal she was supposed to use, "Thank you for that! I'm sorry, but I really have to go." Then she ran again, more careful not to run into anyone this time.

By the time she reached her destination, she was panting for breath. Strands of long pink hair fell from her loose ponytail around her shoulders and face. Just as she made it to the ticket booth and handed over her ticket to be processed, the doors shut, and the bus left the station. Tears in her eyes, her blood ran cold, and she whispered to herself, "...no…."

Trembling with panic, Sakura breathlessly asked the employee at the stand, "Can I exchange my ticket for the next available bus to Konoha?"

The young man shook his head, handing the item back to her, "Unfortunately, we have a no refund/no exchange policy. I apologize for the inconvenience. Would you like to purchase a new ticket instead? The next bus is at eight p.m."

Pale and entirely at a loss of what she should do, she shook her head and accepted the useless piece of paper, "A-Ah, no. Please excuse me."

'I'm stuck here. I have no money, no job, and nowhere to sleep. What the hell am I supposed to do now?'

Sakura numbly left the line so she wouldn't hold it up and walked until she reached outside the station, where she finally lost her composure. Covering her mouth with one hand, the poor girl burst into tears but tried to keep silent to not draw attention to herself.

Everything she'd done from the moment she ran away from home had been a complete and utter failure. No matter how hard she tried or how much she endured in an attempt to secure her own safety, it was all for nothing. Now, she couldn't even return to her awful past life, either.

'Why does this keep happening to me? Was I a criminal in my past life?'

"Sakura, wait!"

The woman's sniffles became sobs as Sasuke's voice met her ears.

'And now there's this dangerous guy following me around, too! Should I just off myself so I don't have to suffer like this anymore?'

As she heard him approach, she lifted her hand from her mouth to her eyes, turning her head away so he wouldn't see how awful she looked. His voice was unrecognizably soft, and he stepped in front of her with a hand on either of her shoulders so she'd stop walking, "Hey, what's wrong? Did you run into that asshole again?"

Sakura shook her head and tried to walk around him, but he held her still, "You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's up."

Though the woman was heartbroken and mentally fried, she was still completely stunned when long fingers gently pulled her hand away from her face. Sasuke guided her jaw so she'd be forced to meet his eye.

'This is pathetic. I want to die under a rock right now.' That's what she thought, but her breath was taken away when she focused on his face.

An unexpected expression of concern looked otherworldly on his flawless features, "I have no damn clue what to do right now. Usually, I make women cry, so I've never tried cheering one up."

For some reason, the uncharacteristically honest statement made her laugh, and her fingers curled around Sasuke's hand as he still held it.

His smirk returned, though not as cocky as the usual one. He opened his mouth to say something, only for Sakura's stomach to growl loudly. She looked away, face burning hot with humiliation.

He snickered, "C'mon. I'll feed you."

That's how she ended up sitting across from him in a little, hole-in-the-wall diner. "What sounds good?" Sasuke desperately tried to keep the mood casual and unserious, filling the silence so things wouldn't get awkward while they looked at menus.

Sakura frowned down at the laminated paper, not really seeing it. The waterworks had stopped, but that didn't mean everything was alright now. Now, she just felt numb. Though she was so hungry that her stomach hurt, she was too panicked to think about eating.

'I don't know why I let him bring me here.'

"Sakura."

The woman blinked, looking up to see a waitress awaiting her order.

Glancing between the employee and Sasuke, Sakura felt overwhelmed all over again. She didn't want to tell him she couldn't afford to pay him back in front of the middle-aged woman, but she also couldn't just order something and then do it because she'd feel awful for the wasted food they'd prepare. Tears brimmed in her eyes again, and she looked down at her lap.

"She'll have the same as me." Thankfully, the employee didn't make any comments and left.

Sakura felt Sasuke's gaze again and clenched her fingers into fists on her lap while refusing to acknowledge it.

"Are you going to talk, or do I have to force it out of you?" When she couldn't bring herself to respond, he sighed, leaning forward to rest his chin on his palm, elbow on the table, "At least your crying face isn't ugly, I guess."

After the food arrived, Sakura hesitated to eat, averting her gaze out the window they were sat beside with gritted teeth. Her brow furrowed, 'It's snowing.'

"Listen, I'm trying to be fucking nice to you, but this is getting ridiculous. Just eat already."

Green eyes darted ahead to meet black ones, widening upon realizing Sasuke was glaring relentlessly. The irritation that he was, once again, bossing her around and cursing, Sakura grabbed a fork and absently poked at the eggs on her plate, blushing when she finally took a bite and looking away.

'He gets on my last damn nerve.'

It was a little refreshing, honestly. Since she began dating her ex-boyfriend, Sakura could barely converse with men without getting scared. Sure, Sasuke terrified her, but he also brought out her old, feistier personality. It was odd, and she didn't understand why it kept happening.

If it was anyone but Sasuke sitting there, she'd never mouth off or talk back.

"I think I can solve your problem if you'll hear me out." She met his eye again, nodding subtly. Sasuke searched her appearance over the coffee mug at his lips, speaking casually, "You need money and a place to live, right? My roommates and I just so happen to be looking for a housekeeper. What do you think?"

That snapped Sakura right out of her silent mood. She coughed, almost choking on her food. After taking a sip of water, she gave the gorgeous man an incredulous look, "By roommates, do you mean those jerks you were with at the bar? No thanks. I'd be safer sleeping on the streets."

"If you don't accept, that's where you'll be, right? Suit yourself." Sasuke's firm stare told the woman he wouldn't let her be stubborn.

Swallowing her pride, Sakura frowned, glaring with a blush, "...How much is the pay?"

He smirked triumphantly, "Let's see. After room and board," he paused, looking up as though doing equations before meeting her eye again, "How about a thousand a week? That's what most normal jobs pay, right?"

The table became silent.

'He's joking, right? Most jobs I'd be lucky enough to land would barely pay more than that in a month!' She took another sip of her water and studied Sasuke carefully, trying to figure out if he was testing her, 'Do I tell him? What if I do, and he lowers the number? I don't want that. …But what if I don't tell him and he finds out. He'll be pissed! What would he do to me, then?'

Eventually, she shook her head, deciding to play things smart, "Um, that's a lot of money, Sasuke, especially if I'm going to live there, too. It doesn't seem fair."

That smirk turned into a full-fledged grin, and he teased, "Yeah, I know. I just wanted to see your reaction." He offered a hand across the table, "Do we have a deal?"

Sakura eyed it, hesitating, "Hold on. First, I want you to agree to some things."

The man rolled his eyes, sitting back in the booth with an impatient scowl, "You're the one receiving help, and you have demands? That's fucking brave."

"I want you to promise not to mess with me like you did at Oasis," she ignored his childish attitude.

He nodded, "Cut back on the flirting. Got it. Anything else?"

Sakura hesitated, unsure how to word things, but eventually said, "And if any of your roommates try anything, you have to deal with them."

'I think that was okay. He probably won't make any assumptions.'

Sasuke nodded, waving a hand, "Yeah, yeah. Okay." He waited for her to continue.

Feeling better since he agreed to protect her from the other guys, Sakura reached across the table and offered her hand, "Then, I guess we're good, then."

He shook it firmly. When he released it, he tilted his head and spoke around the food in his mouth, a hand covering it so as not to be too rude, "Since I'm paying so much, do you think I can convince you to wear a maid costume?"

"I am so going to regret this," she sighed, shaking her head.

[baiika]

Give us the Yuzu meta 👀

//I intended to gather actual srcs for this but then Got Lazy because Yuzu isn't one of my muses, so y'all just gonna have to take me at my word. & I won't pretend some of this isn't headcanon, but I do my WORK on this shit so I'm fairly confident in my interpretation.

What really bothers me is people treat Yuzu like a passive maid when the opposite is true. If anything, she's the matriarch of the Kurosaki family. & like, don't get me wrong, she's a very sweet girl who loves her family very much. But I think the difference between a maid & matriarch is decision-making & caretaking (including shit like discipline), which she does.

Starting off, very early on in the manga, while Ichigo is explaining how his sisters responded to Masaki's death, he explains that Yuzu took up the mantle of cooking & cleaning. I think this is where people got the passive maid from, & just haven't dug any deeper than that.

During Hueco Mundo arc, Rukia stays with the Kurosaki family. Instead of staying in secret, Rukia asks the family to stay. During this, it's shown Isshin & Yuzu are the ones who welcome Rukia. If Ichigo had say in this, he could've just had Rukia stay over without Rukia having to invent a sob story. But neither he or Karin are involved in this decision. The only child who is involved is Yuzu. I believe this is evidence that Yuzu has more say in the family affairs than Karin or Ichigo.

I've seen this tidbit around saying that if someone in the family doesn't brush their teeth within a certain amount of time before &/or after eating a meal, they don't eat the next meal. I've had a hell of a time hunting it down though & just don't have the time to continue looking for it for the sake of (checks notes) tunglr rp. While I don't agree with the methodology, this is a common punishment where I'm from, & I can see why she would enforce it based on one of two (or the combination of) two hypotheses.

It could be argued that Yuzu is a very hygienic person & just doesn't want to smell swamp-breath, but I doubt it's the case.

Yuzu being the primary housekeeper would mean she would be more familiar with what groceries are needed. This means she's involved with errands. Additionally, it's common for Japanese kids to run shopping errands entirely unsupervised. A family friend saw it semi-frequently when he visited Japan. I know there have been other observations on it, but again, I won't be sourcing any of this as I usually do out of Sheer Laziness(tm). Point being, the combination of cultural mores & Yuzu's position as cook & housekeeper, it's not a leap of imagination she'd take care of groceries, as well as other errands. It's entirely feasible she has a say in the budget.

(This, of course, contributes evidence to her position as matriarch, but I'm going a slightly different direction with this.)

Now, I'm a homeowner. My husband takes care of the money & bills while I take care of the housekeeping. This works for us because our different brands of neurodivergency give us different strengths. I'm better at manual labor & he's better at smarty-pants things. While I do contribute to the budget, he's the one who draws up the logistics monthly, which means every month, we gotta make room for shit like good works, rainy day, our variety of subscriptions, insurance, doctor, optometry, dental, therapy, & psychiatry appointments, etc, & how we're gonna pull it off in the budget. Sometimes it's by the skin of our teeth!

Isshin is the sole provider of a home of four. Doctors ARE paid a lot, but a lot of people don't understand how much goes into a small business. My father-in-law owns his own lawfirm & in the early years, I've been told that there were times they were in the negative between payroll & business expenses. Whatever Isshin makes is probably stretched pretty thin between himself & three kids. If Yuzu has a hand in the budget, she would have, at minimum, a vague understanding they're cutting it pretty close with bills.

This makes me think that she enforces this rule & rules similar to it so they aren't hemorrhaging money on shit that's easily prevented.

Which brings me to the pinnacle of my point-- if she isn't the matriarch, why isn't Isshin, the patriarch, doing any of this shit?

I haven't examined Isshin closely enough to give answers on his character, so I don't know why. What I do know is given his largely standoffish approach towards parenting his children (I mean, he knows Ichigo is a shinigami, but lets the boy fight hollows at all times of night, despite having a curfew in place), it's given Yuzu the opportunity to fill those shoes following Masaki's death.

[kahran042]

Some more incorrect Jonas Corbin quotes…

…some of which came from my templates, earlier.

Kiera: I hate to be the wet blanket here, but since Nate is busy I guess I have to. (Source: Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Nick: This is my novel. My magnificent octopus. Connor (reading aloud): Once upon a time, there was a lovely little sausage called Nick, and it lived happily ever after. Nick: It's semi-autobiographical. Connor: And it's completely, utterly awful. Thom will probably love it. (Source: Blackadder)

Lauren: Admit it! You like Sarah! Morgan: Oh, come on. I mean, am I attracted to her? Sure. Do my days feel better when I'm around her? Yeah. Does she understand me in ways no one else ever has? Indubitably. Do I fantasize about her? Yes, every night. But do I like her? The answer is no. (Source: Bojack Horseman)

Connor: You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me, and now it’s all gone. (Source: Bojack Horseman)

Nate: I’m done being the voice of reason, it’s exhausting! I gotta take an angry nap. (Source: Bojack Horseman)

Alicia: What about you? Are you close with your father? *Five minutes of silence* Kiera: …Uneventful. Alicia: What? Kiera: What? Alicia: I asked if you were close with your father, and you sat here in silence for 5 minutes and then said, "uneventful". (Source: Bojack Horseman)

Connor: Only I can make fun of Morgan. Mark: You really do have a sister complex. Connor: Shut up. (Source: Cardcaptor Sakura)

Kiera: Face it, Chloe, you get competitive about everything. Chloe: I can be just as non-competitive as anybody. In fact, I'm the most non-competitive, so I win. (Source: Family Guy)

Jonas (to Chloe): If I weren't so sure you were a lesbian, I'd say you were coming on to me. (Source: Family Guy)

Connor: I want to be a cat in my next life. That way I can have an excuse for being moody. (Source: Lunar: Silver Star Story)

Thom: When is the word "thou" properly used? Connor: When being a pretentious squink. (Source: MadMaze)

Brad: Are you sure about this? Jonas: Have I ever been wrong? Brad: … Jonas: I mean when it's important! (Source: The Little Mermaid)

Nick: Through the incredible power of brotherhood, we can do anything! Jared: There you go, trying to talk your way out of things again. (Source: Wild ARMs 3)

Alicia: What are you reading? Chloe: A book of things I love. Alicia: That's a photo album of Jonas. Chloe: Oh, what a coincidence. (Source: Tumblr)

Connor: So, what’s it like dating my sister? Lydia: She once referred to sand as “heterosexual glitter.” Connor: … Lydia: I love her so much. (Source: Tumblr)

Karin: We all have our demons. (grabs Adrian) This one is mine. (Source: Tumblr)

Adrian: Polyamory is wrong. It's either multiamory or polyphilia, but mixing Greek and Latin roots? No. Wrong. (Source: Unknown)

[uchiha-simp]

Toxic Exes Series :

🔪Uchiha Sasuke🩸

(TW : toxicity, mentions of blood/violence/torture, yandere themes)

There is no such thing as “breaking up” with Uchiha Sasuke. No one ever did that, so it really took him by surprise when you told him it was over.

What do you mean you’re leaving? As if you could go anywhere without his permission. The audacity.

You snapped and yelled at him before storming off from your shared apartment. You broke up because he treated you “like a chair”. Invisible, emotionless, and only acknowledged when he needed something to lean on.

y/n, I have to warn you. Unlike our beloved Uchiha Itachi, Sasuke is absolutely unhinged. Chill toxic ex? Forget about that, you just bought yourself a fucking hurricane.

Uchiha Sasuke is a cold man. He doesn’t really show any emotions besides apathy or boredom. But when it comes to you, all he is able to show is pure, seething rage.

Sasuke wanted to act indifferent but he failed immediately. You and your silly little games were getting on his nerves. You were doing it for attention, that was clear as day. There was absolutely no other reason for this charade. His mistake though, he was too lenient with you and allowed you to misbehave. And now he had to teach you some discipline and put you back in your place.

Sasuke is not subtle. Every guy who dares to look at you is immediately identified as a threat. Like a natural disaster, he strikes with no warning, no mercy. Your male acquaintances, from strangers to friends, started ending up in the hospital or going “missing”. Everybody knows it’s him, but no one dares to say anything. Except Naruto who tried reasoning with him but just ended up chidori-fried.

Sasuke will monitor your every movement shamelessly . Turns out he has a snake following you everywhere, and that little creature poisons anyone it deems “suspicious” when Sasuke is not there to do it himself. He doesn’t even deny it, it’s his right to know his woman’s whereabouts after all.

When he isn’t on a mission, he literally follows you everywhere, though he does make it seem like you’re the one following him.

He is always where you planned to go before you arrive. And when he sees you, he smugly smirks. Sai started telling everyone that you’re so obsessed with the Uchiha that you run to whatever place he is. Sasuke always finds a way to turn everything to his own advantage.

His sharingan is always activated when you’re around, and you can always feel his intense glare at the back of your neck and the murderous intent emaniting from him. He would sit across the bar and watch you obsessively all night long when you’re with friends. Yes, people do look at him strangely. No, he does not care.

Uchiha Sasuke breaks into your house with no warning. He has a spare key, but he isn’t against smashing some windows and breaking some plates to assert dominance. He would barge in in the middle of the night/day, frantically searching for your “lover” who is apparently hiding there. Of course, he finds nothing, but he still spits some venom at you for good measure. “It’s not like any sensible man would fall for a failure like you”

Uchiha Sasuke leaves you notes to remind you who you belong to. Romantic, right? A sheet of paper on your bedside, a message carved into your dining table, “you are mine” painted on your bathroom mirror with human blood, and in most extreme cases, a message directly etched into your skin. He needs no blade to hurt you, he developed a ninjutsu to “keep you close”

Uchiha Sasuke told every girl in the village to “reason” with you. Since they all have a crush on him, they do as he says. So all your friends became his personal tools. Sakura only talks about how you two are perfect for each other. Ino always gives you a free rose at the flower shop and says it’s from Sasuke. Karin can’t stop rambling about how your chakras are “complementary”. Only Hinata and Tenten don’t harass you, although they do talk about their own romantic struggles all the time.

Uchiha Sasuke is so feared in Konoha that people start avoiding you to escape his wrath. You start feeling like a ghost, completely unheard and unseen in your own home. Even your closest friends disappear at the mere sight of you, and don’t even get me started on the civilians who just act like you’re not in front of them repeating the same sentence for the tenth fucking time.

Your own parents asked you to keep your distance until you “figured things out with your lover”. Apparently, they always have the same terrifying nightmare every night. They dream of death and chaos and destruction, and with a man with bright red eyes holding a bloodied sword in his hand. Your little sister begged you to go back to Sasuke or else “the prophecy of the red-eyed will come to life”

Sasuke isn’t above resorting to violence if you keep up this masquerade. Once his patience runs out, you can only blame yourself. Since the nice way doesn’t work with you, it’s time for something more radical.

He will kidnap you and lock you in a room if you don’t come to your senses. If you still oppose him, he will move you to the basement and won’t let you see the sunlight. You can scream and cry all you want, no one is coming to take you away from him. Fight back and he will “discipline” you in all ways imaginable.

If you are really persistent after all of the emotional and physical torture, then he will have to use the ms. He wanted to keep your mind relatively yours, since he knows what the ms does to one’s mind, but you gave him no other choice.

From then on it’s game over. No human could withstand the mortifying effects of the Uchiha’s genjutsu. With your mind in pieces and your dignity torn to shreds, you obediently go back to him and turn into the precious precious lover you were supposed to be before all of this break up nonsense.

It’s amazing, y/n, isn’t it? He took care of the problem and saved you. A real man knows how to keep his woman in check and fix what she breaks. Uchiha Sasuke truly is the best of all men.

Fun fact : I was supposed to post this yesterday with my Itachi one but it didn’t feel Sasuke-ish so I rewrote it asap (means I added more toxicity)

Anyhow, I will try to get the Sanji and Luffy ones either tonight or tomorrow. Wish me luck 🥴

[randomveyn]

Hello Can you do an Ichigo x reader with a Yuzu who is jealous that her big brother is leaving (because the reader and Ichigo are getting married) and a funny isshin please💘🥺

help this is so cute!! you have no idea how happy i am when i was writing this 🥹 i hope you don't mind me writing this in a freeform (like not in a real fic format. just my thoughts and rambles.)

✨ long rambles under the cut ✨

okay so if ichigo and reader are getting married he'd definitely insist on moving out! it's his only chance to escape isshin's morning kick and his insane fatherly love. also, ichigo absolutely don't want his old man gawk at his s/o and stupidly stick around them the whole day. it's annoying as hell. (ichigo and karin are gonna protect reader at all cost)

isshin will 100% ugly cry on the first time he met reader, shaking their hands frantically, thanking them from the bottom of his heart that they'd even spared a glance on his rebellious, unlovable orange haired son. (he's getting a getsuga tensho from said son.)

after all banters and jokes, isshin might get a little serious (his highest record is 11 seconds flat) and talk about what it is like to walk down a lifelong journey with a shinigami. he has his worries but isshin knows they both are strong together, which reminds him of the day he come the decision of marrying his wife. (cue, isshin rush to that huge ass poster of his very beautiful wife and starts crying all over again)

oh, and isshin is giving them the protection amulet too bc he can't really trust his son on anything. (getsuga tensho on his ass this time)

now, ichigo was surprised to find that his sweetest, cutest little yuzu is not happy about his marriage. (ngl his heart died a little inside) i mean, she isn't exactly opposed to it. in fact, she couldn't be more happy to know his brother found his true love. it's just a teensy bit of jealousy that every younger sibs have for their onii-chan. not to mention, ichigo is rarely at home ever since he started his substitute shinigami job. their family bonding time is only limited to dinner, (sometimes ichigo skip that too) and now you're telling her she's getting none of them??!! just imagine she couldn't cook sunny side up and omurice for him anymore. 😭💔

but fret not, guess who's gonna come save the day!?? it's kon-sama!! okay no he's gonna be bostov for a couple of days, let her dress him up in pink dresses and frills to cheer her up a bit. bc kon self-proclaimed he's ichigo best buddy and would do anything for him.

in exchange, kon wants to be the host on his wedding day. (he ended up being the mascot…yk those that are attached at the front of the car) and, the karakura rangers all got the memo and are here to support yuzu and help her navigate through her emotions. (ichigo is deeply moved, not realizing how many good friends he actually has)

eventually, yuzu understands and feels slightly embarrassed that she threw a tantrum over something small like this. (she's so precious okay everyone give her a hug 🥺) but she's a little stubborn though. like she feels sorry but she's not apologizing this time. ichigo and reader will be invited to dinner, where she cooks up a feast with all her onii-chan's favorite food. “they say lock a man's heart with good food so you still have a long way to go, hmph!” she proudly declares with a smug grin, prompting ichigo to ruffle her hair, just like how he always does.

bonus:

ishida makes the best wedding attire for them. he may have accidentally added too much frills on ichigo's though.

i know we said kon will be the mascot but rukia is offering her building-sized chappy too. and she's drawing all the invitation cards by hand! be grateful ichigo!

“nii-sama! how about thank you gift of chocolates in the design of wakame ambassador!”

“hm…splendid suggestion, rukia.”

“uhh urm…byakuya you really don't have to－”

“kurosaki-kun! did you know chocolate goes well with mayonnaise!”

“omg not you too…inoue”

chad and renji may be all cool on the outside but they're secretly competing to be the best man. if they were to give a speech or something on that day, don't be surprised to find them rehearsing at urahara's training ground.

renji would come up with the corniest speech ever that he can't read it without getting his face as red as his hair.

chad is naturally a man with few words so he'd probably write a song instead. best man award goes to him pls 👏🏻

don't invite toushirou pls he's fuming at everyone trying to convince him to be the flower boy 💀

don't invite rangiku-san too. she has no self-control. she'll drink up every cup of alcoholic beverage like water.

[akirakurusuimagines]

had the idea of reader getting marin karin'd and it not wearing off after leaving the metaverse so our dear boy helps her out by gently overstimulating her in front of a mirror 👉👈

I'm sorry for how long it's been taking to get this out! Hopefully the others won't take as long. Please enjoy! (minors DNI)

It only takes one mistake for everything to fall apart.

Akira believed they were sufficiently prepared to waltz right into Mementos and explore the depths that opened after the public’s response to their latest and greatest heist. He disregarded Morgana’s incessant warning that he was running low on ailment-curing items and revival items, reminding the cat that he was already planning on putting him and Makoto on the front lines this time so there was nothing to worry about.

So really, this mess was his fault. As leader, he knows he shoulders the responsibility of anything and everything that happens, even if his teammates don’t blame him.

It began to storm back in the real world as they reached the end of the current depths⁠; a painstakingly slow thirteen floors⁠ to comb through in search of treasure and experience. Everyone was nearing their physical and mental limits for the day, but at the sight of a rare challenger on their way back, they let their youthful recklessness seep through. One more, they all thought, one more to end the trip on a high note.

The high note they sought after quickly⁠ and almost comically⁠ became shrill.

The battle turned for the worst: unable to find a weakness, you and Mona were left with minimal SP, Queen had suffered an ill-timed critical attack and was knocked out cold, and Joker himself was running on fumes. Mind scattered in desperation, Joker attempted to regain some footing by attacking the particularly strong enemy with Marin Karin, hoping to charm it.

He didn’t expect that the enemy would end up reflecting it back at him.

Nor that you would take the brunt of the attack by jumping in front of him last-minute.

Joker and Mona finished the battle through sheer dumb luck, and all of the thieves expected things to return to normal. Queen stood up on shaky legs and thanked Panther for medicine, but when they turned to look at you, their hearts dropped.

Your face was flushed and eyes glassy, no different than how you were in battle. The unspoken rules of Mementos was broken⁠—somehow you didn’t come to once the fight finished.

Joker took to your side immediately, helping you up but freezing at the garbled moan that slipped past your lips the moment his hands landed on you. The others looked on with concern and fear, not understanding why this was happening, but it was obvious to everyone that they needed to leave immediately. He apologized to them and announced that he’ll be taking you home to make sure you’re safe and resting while the others research the strange divergence.

His arm wrapped loosely around your waist, keeping you steady as you mindlessly clung to him, and ushered you out of Mementos and towards the trains.

Akira felt like he was suffocating. If this is how he was feeling, he could only start to imagine what you’re suffering through right now.

He kept you hidden from view as best as he could, squished in the corner between the door, the seats, and him. Akira put you in a spare face mask he had and slid his glasses over your nose, hoping to protect your identity in case any snooping individual lingered on you two a little too long.

“Hold on just a little longer for me, okay? We’re almost there.”

He watched your knees buckle and your thighs clench together at his words and felt his mouth run dry. Akira willed himself to stay calm, to steady his heartbeat, but it wasn’t exactly an easy thing to do when you were in a state like this. Especially considering he harbored feelings for you.

“Please,” you begged. He almost didn’t hear it with how quietly you murmured it. “Akira, I… I need…”

Fuck, you were going to be the death of him.

“Yeah?” he leaned in closer, hoping to catch the rest of what you’re saying.

Your hand grabbed his thigh, tugging his leg closer to you and causing him to stumble forward, balancing with his forearm next to your head. He stared at you with wide eyes as you shifted his leg with no resistance between your thighs and sat on it, slowly and carefully grinding against it.

Akira’s head whipped around, making sure no one was watching as you shamelessly used his leg to relieve some of the pressure that Marin Karin’s charm had on you. He nearly stopped breathing when you whined right next to his ear, a sound too soft for anyone else to notice as the train screeched to another halt.

Your stop was next, but there was no way he was making it out of this without a boner. He looked back at you and swallowed hard, only able to see the way your eyes were screwed shut and eyebrows knitted with frustration and concentration, pressing yourself a little harder against the meat of his thigh.

“Need more, ‘s too hot,” you blabbered softly, hands gripping the lapel of his blazer. “want you, want you so bad⁠—”

“We⁠—we’re almost home,” Akira choked out, each passing moment more difficult than the last. He wanted to pinch himself, wondering if this was actually some wild porno dream he was having back in Leblanc, but the way you felt rutting against his thigh like this was far too real for him to deny this was reality.

“Akiraaaa...”

He nearly lost himself when he saw your teary-eyed expression, suddenly grateful for the crowded train dissuading him from bending you over the train seats and giving into temptation. Akira wanted to know every part of you: every touch that makes you keen, every kiss that makes your head spin, every position that makes you cream.

Akira almost praised the gods aloud when the announcer comments on your stop, pulling himself off of you despite your whines and taking your hand in his, squeezing it tightly as he nearly runs out of the train the second the doors behind you open.

It was quite the ordeal dragging you back home. Every moment he stopped, your hands would wander, gripping his shirt or his belt loops, sliding your hand underneath to feel the warmth of his skin. You pressed closer and closer against him, your inhibitions far-gone, leaving only your charmed mind.

He grabbed your wrist firmly when you reached for his crotch at the door to your house, sucking in a large breath and hoping you’d be able to contain yourself enough for him to open the door with your keys and lead you inside.

Akira pushed open the door and dragged you inside, kicking it closed and locking it quickly. He couldn’t help the whole-body sigh that passed through him with the relief of privacy.

You, however, took it as your cue to tackle him to the ground and relieve yourself.

“Shit, wait, hold on⁠—” Akira staggered back, gripping your hip and arm and barley catching himself. “Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t want to try to get… uh… get off on your own?”

“No no no no no⁠—!” you shook your head adamantly despite your slurred voice, the sheer panic in your voice and face surprising him. “Want you, only you, please.”

Akira pressed his lips together in a tight line and hoisted you up in his arms, silently thanking the rough training he’s been enduring with Ryuji. The way your eyes lit up as he carried you to your bedroom made his heart palpitate, the rational side of him quickly losing to the promise of passion.

He really was weak to you.

He grunted as his legs hit the bed, falling down with you on his lap. Akira barely had time to speak before your lips were all over him, kissing all over his face and jaw as you roughly grinded against him. He choked down his moans and tangled a hand in your hair, hoping to slow you down with a sharp tug to your scalp.

Akira felt you seize up the moment he did, nails digging into his shoulders despite the layers of clothing, pressing your hips harder against his, and with a loud cry, he felt dampness against his crotch. It took a moment to process that you came untouched, just from him having you in his lap and tugging your hair.

“Did you just…?” his hand wandered towards your pants, slipping inside your underwear and feeling the sticky substance coat his fingers as he reached your thighs. He pulled them out, observing the strands between his fingers and licking them clean with a low groan. “That’s so hot. You’re so fucking hot.”

Akira palmed your crotch and felt you shudder as you rolled your hips against his again. “But… it isn’t enough, right?”

“Nnno…”

He looked around the room briefly and caught his own eyes in the floor-length mirror in your room.

“Stand up for me and strip, sweetheart,” Akira instructed with a gentle slap to your thigh.

He loved the way you scrambled off of him, shedding your clothes and looking at him with the same hazy doe-eyes that made him spend countless private hours fantasizing about. You looked at him with so much lust, being so obedient for him in hopes of getting another orgasm.

He shrugged off his blazer and tossed it aside, shifting closer to the mirror until it stood in front of him. “Turn around and sit back on my lap.”

Akira steadied you with gentle hands on your hips as you sat on his lap and pressed your sticky thighs together to feel some kind of friction against the torturous heat. He pried them open, spreading your legs to straddle him and spreading you open for the mirror.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he gently chided, “keep these pretty thighs open for me, okay?”

Akira refused to touch you until you nodded.

“Perfect,” he whispered, resting his chin on your shoulder, “you’re absolutely perfect.” Akira guided his hands up from your thighs to your chest, brushing against your nipples and continuing his path up until he reached your face. He cupped your cheeks in his hands and tilted your face up, forcing you to look at the shameful display you created with him. “I want you to look at yourself as I touch you,” Akira explained, “I want you to see everything.”

You nodded dumbly, anything to get his hands back to pleasuring you. “Please,” you continued to repeat with breathless whines, “I want more, I want you in me.” You pushed your ass harder against his hard cock, hoping he would take the bait. You wanted to be fucked silly and at this point you really didn’t care how you got there.

Akira sucked in a sharp breath and shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut and stilling for a few seconds as you continued to grind yourself on his dick. “Later, okay?” his voice wavered and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his own word with how enthusiastic you seemed about riding him.

He let go of your face and skimmed your inner thighs, catching the cum from your first orgasm on his fingers and finally touching you properly. You keened, head falling back as he slowly pressed two fingers into your hole. “Yes⁠!” you groaned, spreading your thighs a little further and bucking your hips into his hand, “More, please, oh god it feels so good⁠— hnn!”

Akira’s hand steadied your head, once again pushing you to look at yourself as his fingers thrusted in and out of you. “Come on, baby. Don’t stop watching,” he purred as he scissored his fingers inside of you. “Oh, you liked that?”

You grasped his hair and his wrist, incoherent noises fumbling from your lips as Akira brought you to another orgasm within minutes. Marin Karin had quite the effect on you: keeping your stamina high and your libido higher, giving you more orgasms than you’ve had in your life, emptying your head and leaving nothing but pleasant buzzing.

He stared at you in the mirror, catching your unfocused gaze as your eyes shifted from his face to his hand and back again. “You’re doing so good,” Akira mumbled strings of words he barely paid attention to as you squirmed in his hold. He added another finger, stretching you out further and curling his fingers inside of you. He felt your legs shake and watched your jaw go slack as pleasure only continued to build.

“Again?” he asked, groaning at how you clench around his fingers, barely giving him room to move them. Even still, you continue to thrust your hips into his hands⁠, unsatisfied. “I’ll give you as many orgasms as you need,” Akira promised, kissing your cheek and resting his temple against yours, “I won’t stop until you’re begging.”

[primnroses]

I've seen recently in the sasukarin tag that karin speaks her mind in front of sasuke that she " boss " that never let's sasuke talk her down. That sakura is a doormat and is easily emotionally destroyed by sasuke. That karin doesn't give a damn what sasuke thinks of her and only sakura obsessively seeks his approval. From what you've read in the manga, are those statements true?

I would not say that Karin is like a "boss" and doesn't let Sasuke's condescending attitude affect her. In fact, Karin is easily driven by Sasuke's words all the time, she only chooses to pretend to be indifferent and tends to use some vocabulary to mask her crush in front of Suigetsu because he wouldn't leave her alone.

It's actually not that "Karin speaks her mind in front of Sasuke", it's just that she tends to be impulsive and blurt out things that are opposite to what she's truly thinking and Sasuke simply doesn't care about it. It's common to see her using "cool", "handsome" or "sexy" to describe him but then straight-out yelling "pathetic" because she is exactly trying to keep her indifferent attitude.

Karin is a liar when it comes to Sasuke, it's as clear as day, and she does adopt different stances depending on the people around and if they involve him.

They keep using the words "obsession" and "seeking his approval" with Sakura but that's not what happens with her, it's actually what happens with Karin. She doesn't care if Sasuke keeps her away all the time because she is adamant in trying again and again despite his constant rejection. And it doesn't happen just once.

But two... (she seems pretty affected by his words)

...and three times.

Karin does have an obsessive attitude. Kishimoto wrote expressions like "obsessed with Sasuke" and "dangerous love for Sasuke" to describe Karin's attitude with him in the third databook (page 67) using these images as examples:

But with Sakura, Kishimoto uses "unrequited love", "loving with every fiber of her being" and describes her as "someone that loves Sasuke", "she wants to rescue Sasuke" and "holds her hands out to him" in every single one of her databook entries, but never obsession. That is a word that they tend to use to turn the tables, but it describes sasukarin perfectly.

Kishimoto goes as far as describing Sakura as "the only person that filled his lonely existence was Sakura" in Sasuke's profile from the second databook. Akatsuki Hiden also describes Sakura as a person that dedicated her love for Sasuke and is "his sunshine in the spring" according to Shin Towada, the writer.

But with Karin, you just have to read her story to see her personality and how it fluctuates. I will not deny that Karin wanted to see the same smile in Sasuke's face that he displayed when she met him for the first time, especially after she witnessed and sensed how low he had fallen; but behind those feelings she still harbored an insane love. Every time she wants to get close to him she wants them both to be alone.

But Sakura never wanted Sasuke for herself, she wanted to save him and she went through grueling training just to rescue him from the dark path. Her feelings changed from a crush to loving him despite his dark past and broken life because she just wanted to save him.

Sakura is not "a doormat easily emotionally destroyed by Sasuke", she is suffering because her attempts to redirect Sasuke in the right direction and her words aren't reaching his heart. She's frustrated because she is unsuccessful despite her efforts and because she loves him so much it hurts her.

The author puts so much dedication in Sasuke and Sakura's moments that it's hard to miss.

The problem with sasukarin is that Sasuke doesn't see Karin as something more than a teammate and he has never demonstrated anything that would come close to romantic feelings. But with Sakura, he displays all kinds of emotions, his body language is different and the chemistry is so evident that even Naruto caught it. Antis just like to turn the tables and reject reality by calling sasusaku names that fit their pairing instead but making it beyond nonsensical.

So no anon, neither of those statements are true.

[sanbantaikarin]

Fandom: Bleach

Pairings: HitsuKarin, platonic JinHitsuKarinUru

Summary: Shinigami!Karin AU. Warnings for drug use & gore; Jinta considers their future.

"Please," Karin's snort breaks the air, "I'm flunking out of high school. Do you really think I'm gonna be able to cope in college? Or the job market?"

Jinta sees Toushirou shuffle uncomfortably. They're sitting on a retaining wall, so it makes sense that he's uncomfortable, but Jinta is under the impression it's not because of concrete digging into his ass. Nobody likes when Karin gets like this. They soak up her suicidal ideation like sponges.

He's used to it. Agrees with Karin, even. A part of him feels sympathetic anyway.

Ururu flicks ash off her cigarette. "So your answer is to kill yourself before you even try." No sarcasm. It's a statement.

Jinta wonders who will take it harder when Karin kicks the bucket: Toushirou or Ururu. He's got a complex almost as bad as Ichigo's, and Karin is Ururu's best friend.

He wonders what he'll do after high school. He's not getting a sport scholarship with his grades. As often as Jinta plays, he hasn't been to practice meets in months. He won't make a very good Shinigami either. Not like Karin. She's selfless. Vicious.

His plan: work in Dad's shop. Give them a vacation when he has the guts to feel anything.

Toushirou is passed the cigarette they share. He wishes it's weed. "At least apply," he says. "You don't even have to study... just apply. See if it works."

A snort rips from Jinta's throat. Even he knows that's a long shot. "With Japan's competitive schooling... doubtful you'll get along just applying. Maybe out west. But not here."

"Then go west!" Toushirou exclaims. He sounds like he's going to cry. "I just- don't understand why death is your go-to."

Toushirou does hard things all of the time. Jinta understands why Toushirou doesn't get why Karin wants to leave the living world as badly as she does. Toushirou doesn't have a choice but to go into the office every day. Toushirou doesn't have a choice but to bury his feelings. He doesn't have any options.

He gets Karin too. The only time he's seen her completed is when she's square against monsters. Where her brother and boyfriend are Shinigami, everything she's ever wanted is being dangled in front of her like a carrot on a stick, forever out of reach.

Even when she's gored on tusks and spears and nails, she's gleeful in battle. A warrior to heart. Sooner to shovel her intestines inside her belly, to club her foes with her disembodied limbs, to rip her eyes out with her hands, before she surrenders. The gods will have to come to Earth and smite her themselves before she stops.

He admires that and hopes she gets it.

[ceo-of-despair]

hiii could u maybe do masuki gf headcanons?? 💞

# relationship headcanons

# ft satou masuki, asaka karin x fem!reader

a/n - included karin from love live as well since i was planning on doing hcs with her anyway! so so sorry that this took ages because of my multiple hiatuses but here it is!

MASUKI

—you met masuki when you transferred to her school, shirayuki private academy, and she was assigned to show you around and help you adjust

—at first, you were probably scared, since she looks quite intimidating and sharp, but your worries were settled when you started to get to know each other

—from there, it just slowly progressed into a relationship. you became such good friends that people weren't even aware you weren't dating, so it was a real surprise when someone referred to you as masuki's girlfriend. however, she asked you out quite quickly after that, realizing she liked you

—masuki really likes to bake for you, every day she brings you new cakes, cookies etc

—if you knew how to, a lot of your dates would be baking something together, and if you couldn't she would absolutely love to teach you how to

—there's not much pda at all, if you really want to then she'll hold your hand at most. but in public, masuki's not the type to show much affection or hold onto you

—however in private, she will love to cuddle with you. no matter if you're taller or shorter, masuki likes to be the big spoon and hold you

—masuki does, however, prefer dates where you go out, for example if you'd enjoy it she will definitely take you for rides on her motorbike

—she's incredibly supportive and will try to help you in anything you do, whether it be hobbies or schoolwork

—if someone's making you uncomfortable, masuki will come up behind you and act all intimidating, if you call her cute after the person bothering you is gone then she'll blush really easily

—masuki's just overall a really sweet and caring girlfriend despite her scary appearance, she's incredibly loving and will go to great lengths for you

KARIN

—you were a fan of her from modeling, and managed to ask her for an autograph after her performance at diver fes

—however, before you left, karin decided to get to know you more, and asked you to go out with her as friends

—she would definitely be the one to make the first move, karin would act all unbothered and just say it casually that she wouldn't mind dating you, however internally she was freaking out

—it definitely flustered you and you thought about her confession all night, eventually asking her on a date the next day (with much anxiety due to worrying that you'd somehow misinpreted it)

—karin loves pda, she loves to show you off in public and let everyone know that you're hers. she likes it when you hold onto her arm when walking etc, she'll also just casually have an arm around your waist if you're ok with it

—on the same topic, this can make her jealous easily and a little possessiveness, for example if she notices someone trying to flirt with you/making you uncomfortable she'll come up and put her arms around you from behind while being like "who's this, baby :)"

—she would definitely try and fluster you and find it cute if it worked, but karin will go red if you do it to her in return

—i think in private she clings to you a lot more than you cling to her, if you were cuddling or something and you had to get up she'd get all pouty and try and pull you back down

—if you're smart, karin would ask you to go on a study date with her and try and help her better her grades, however she'd just spend the whole time staring at you while you're explaining stuff

—sometimes if you notice she's uncomfortable when there's a lot of people, she'll subtly ask you to go somewhere else, usually by tugging on your sleeve or squeezing your hand, and she's really grateful when you understand and pull her away

—underneath all the teasing and flirting she's a genuinely sweet girlfriend and really loves you a lot. when you ask her if she'd ever leave you for someone else, she'll tell you that you're the only one she cares about in that way

[chiapetirl]

It had the ugliest face Ichigo had ever seen before.

Orange goop leaked out of its eyes and onto the severely stained table. Its teeth were jagged, not quite how he'd wanted them to look, but sharp enough that one could get the point. Orange flesh slopped everywhere; on the blade, on his shirt (and it had been washed that morning, Yuzu wouldn't be happy), and some had even gotten on the wall. It was an absolute crime scene.

"Karin, why'd you want to do this again?" Ichigo asked, staring down his freshly made jack 'o lantern with mild disappointment. "It's not like you to be so… seasonal ."

Grunting, Karin pushed out the triangle she had carved into her own pumpkin, the piece of the gourd falling into the decently cleaned-out, hollowed cavern. "It's not for me, nimrod," she answered, tossing her pumpkin guts into the shared pile on the table. "We're doing this for Grimmjow."

Looking away from the crooked, gnarled grin of his pumpkin, Ichigo had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Why, though? You know Hollows don't celebrate holidays." He paused, then adding, "Or anything else, really."

"You were the one who wanted him to get used to the World of the Living." Karin wiped her hands on a paper towel, looking back at her masterpiece. "So, I figured why not have a bit of Halloween fun this year. It's the perfect holiday for him if you ask me."

"Don't tell me we're having a Halloween party."

"Nope. Urahara's throwing one."

Urahara? That took Ichigo by surprise, an eyebrow raising. "He never told me about a Halloween party." Then, as if it dawned on him, he did a double take. "Wait, how'd you hear about this before I did?!"

Staring at him dead in the eye, Karin said, "You're not the only one who goes to Urahara's shop, you know. I have my own business with him, too."

"What the hell does that mean?!"

"None of your business, that's what." She stood up, placing the top on her jack 'o lantern before picking it up off the table. "The point is you need to be there, too."

Instinctually, Ichigo wanted to push back. "I… Karin, I don't even have a damn costume," he retorted halfheartedly. "I didn't even know this was happening until today! There's no way I can-!"

" That sounds like quitter talk I’m hearing! "

Before Ichigo could dodge his impending doom, Isshin's arms wrapped around Ichigo's neck, pulling him into a headlock. "Don't tell me you're chickening out on us, my boy! This is all but required! We're all going, and that's final!" He looked up, noticing Karin's pumpkin. "Now that's a good-lookin' Jack 'o Lantern!"

Ichigo wrenched himself away from Isshin, sputtering as his face started to go pink. "D-dammit, old man, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

But Isshin only gave him a devilish smile. "You remember what I always tell you, son: always stay alert! You never know when danger's comin' for you, especially on...!" He paused, his expression becoming comically dark, his shoulders hunching as he tried to make himself look scary. " Halloween, when the spirits come out to play !" He wiggled his fingers for emphasis, giving off a goofy ooOooOOOoooOo under his breath.

"Dad." Karin glared at their father, shaking her head at his over-the-top display. "Spirits come out every day."

" I know ," Isshin loudly whispered, raising a hand as if to hide what he was saying from Ichigo. " I'm just trying to get him in the mood, you know? "

Karin smirked. "Yeah, I don't think that's why Ichigo doesn't want to go to the party."

Hearing that teasing tone in Karin's voice, Ichigo immediately tensed up. "Dunno what you're trying to imply there, Karin," he shot back, "but you don't know what you're talking about."

Slightly confused, Isshin straightened up. "What… am I missing here?"

"I think Ichigo's afraid of hanging out with his new buddy." Karin's smile grew almost as wide as her pumpkin's, deviousness oozing from every pore. "Isn't that right, Ichigo?"

Swallowing hard, Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Not sure what you're talking about," he muttered, picking his Jack 'o Lantern up off the table. "Just… don't really feel like going."

"Yeah?" Walking past him, Karin left the dining room table with her back turned. "Well, it looks like you're really not getting a lot of choice in the matter."

Before Ichigo can retort, Yuzu rounds the corner, a plastic bag in hand and a large smile plastered on her face. "Alright! The costume's here! I think I got the right size, but we'll need you to try it on before tonight, Ichigo!"

"W-what?" Ichigo took a step back, his eyes widening in slight terror. He was beginning to feel like a cornered animal, his dad behind him and Yuzu running towards him. "Guys, I don't-!"

But his words fell on deaf ears, Yuzu's hand grabbing his and yanking him behind her. "Now don't be like that, Ichigo!" she chastised, shoving the plastic bag into his hands. "We don't have much time before we have to get going. Try this on, and if it doesn't fit, just run back to the store and hand them the receipt and they'll get you the right size." She looked down at her watch, eyes widening in realization. "Oh gosh, I still need to get my costume together! Plus I've got that thing in the fridge!" She turned away before Ichigo could say a word, scampering to her room. Before she shut the door, however, she called out, "Hurry it up, Ichigo! We gotta get moving!"

This is all… happening way too fast. Resigning himself to his fate, Ichigo looked down into the plastic bag at the folded costume, his brows furrowing. What the hell kinda costume did they even get me, anyways?

Read more of When the Ghouls Come Out here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34844146

[phoenixyfriend]

More "de-aged Taka and T7 end up in the Warring Clans Era as Founders' wards" AU

“That’s a thing?” you ask. The answer is yes.

Uh. Kind of. Deaging Team Seven for the sake of tossing them back in time for a Founder to adopt is pretty common, but I’m trash for Taka so this AU started with me brainstorming the asshole team.

I am falling more and more in love with the idea of Tobirama ending up with custody of Team Taka somehow. He’s a science dad, but like. Marginally more ethical than Orochimaru.

Everyone around them is like "This is a terrible idea and it's all going to end horribly" and he's just like "Ah, these are now my children."

I've read so many "Team Seven time-travels and is de-aged, get adopted by the Founders" or "a Founder time-travels forward and adopts Naruto, subsequently picking up the others" and they're good but I now want the same plot with an even more dysfunctional collection of... eldritch mishaps? The AO3 feel of "I want this fic I just read, again, but a step to the left so it feels fresh and new"

I'm considering the tent of tranquility idea (courtesy of @sloaners​) and I've come to the decision that Tobirama's... probably going to end up with Several Holes in it, and burns, and cuts, because Karin and Suigetsu never stop fighting, and if they're fighting, they're not paying attention to how soon Juugo's going to lose his grip on control.

"Hm. Tobirama?" "Anija." "Where did you get children?" "They showed up." "One of them looks like an Uchiha." "He does." "Two of them are trying to kill each other." "That's normal." "Are the Uchiha going to accuse us of stealing a clan child?" "Probably." "...Tobirama, did you steal these children?" "No."

(It's not kidnapping if they show up and break into your house first.)

(Also none of them are particularly pressed to ditch the Senju and find their clans. Maybe eventually. Not now.)

They’re assholes but Karin is, even at Supposedly Age Three, babbling at Tobirama about proper lab protocol and chemical reactions and isn’t that just the most adorable thing?

Very few people find Karin as adorable as Tobirama does, because Karin knows more ways to kill a person than most adult shinobi, because most adult shinobi don’t know about things like flesh-eating diseases and specialty poisons from the other side of the continent that can only be refined via chemical processes that won’t exist for another three decades.

Juugo is a sweetheart. Best child. Then he loses his mind but it’s okay, Sasuke is there. Do the Senju trust the clearly-Uchiha child to control the much larger five-year-old? No. But they don’t have any better ideas right now, so.

Tobirama: Hm, we should do something about that. Karin: Here’s a list of ideas and things that have already been tried. Tobirama: Thank you, small child. Where did you get this? Karin: ... Tobirama: Fair enough, let’s see what we can do.

Suigetsu is a little terror because not only is he a Massive Jerk but he also has better control over water than most adults. Mostly because he is water. It’s very hard to find him when he’s avoiding chores.

Karin clings to Mito sometimes because Family! and then Hashirama tries to tease Tobirama about being upset that one of his students/children has ditched him. Hashirama ends up moping in a corner because Tobirama snaps at him, unsurprisingly.

IDK if we have like any canon for Touka beyond skill with genjutsu, but going off of the fanon that she used a naginata, I’m going to say that Suigetsu keeps trying to challenge her to Blade Fights and she’s just like Neat, A Tiny Murder Machine.

Sasuke is very quiet for the most part and Dramatically Broods On Rooftops And In Trees and Hashirama is just like YES YOU REMIND ME OF MY BROTHER AND ALSO MY BEST FRIEND and Sasuke hides.

Sasuke does not need another Naruto, thank you.

Sasuke ends up hanging out with Mito, I think? Like yeah, sure, she’s an Uzumaki, but she’s chill and refined and calm and she has really good tea in stock. Sure he has to learn fuuinjutsu to have an excuse to hang out with her, but that’s fine. It’s interesting. Karin does it too, sometimes.

tbh that probably leaves Hashirama to hang out with Juugo? Juugo isn’t great at Excite but he is great at nature so I feel like Hashirama would be stars-in-eyes about Juugo talking to birds the way Hashirama talks to trees, and Hashirama just gets him a chicken coop like HERE. FRIENDS.

But back to the suspected child theft.

Hashirama is like “That is... clearly an Uchiha. They are going to find out, Tobirama! Someone is going to figure out we have--” “Sasuke, show him your other eye. Yeah, the one you cover.” “...” “Okay, go back to playing.” “...Tobirama.” “Yeah?” “That was a Rinnegan.” “You know those rumors that the only way to get a Rinnegan is to mix the Uchiha and Senju bloodlines?” “It’s true?” “No idea, Sasuke won’t tell me anything about his parents other than their names, and he’s three, but even the chance of it being true means we have an arguable claim.” “...that’s not going to be enough to convince the Uchiha.” “The theory is but one weapon of many in the upcoming battle of wits.” “Tobirama--” “Now if you’ll excuse me, Anija, I need to go make sure Suigetsu doesn’t flood the training grounds again.”

tbh I can’t remember who made the original comment in canon about the Rinnegan being achieved via Senju/Uchiha babies but it’s funny to use here so I’ll pretend it’s a common rumor that nobody actually believes

MEANWHILE WITH THE UCHIHA Madara found and took custody of Team Seven and company, mostly because they’re like... jounin-level despite being less than three feet tall.

It involves a lot of Madara going "I want My New Children to love me!" and being sorely disappointed by half of them. Poor fucker got stuck with Naruto, Sakura, Sai, Kakashi, Yamato, and Obito.

(KakaYamaObito are deaged by the time-travel to 10-13ish. The kids are deaged to 3-4. Everyone has memories to just after the fourth war or so.)

Karin sensed T7 and tagalong pretty much the second they popped out of Kamui, and told Sasuke, but he correctly guessed that Naruto would hunt him down eventually, and said they should enjoy the peace and quiet while they had it.

Sai pulls emotionless creepy smiles in an attempt to freak out Madara but since Madara's whole thing initially was "less children in war," he's... mostly just sad. Izuna wants to know who made his brother cry.

Madara makes a vaguely misogynistic comment that's typical for the period and Sakura just. Breaks his tibia.

Naruto is genuinely trying to treat Madara with the kind of respect a caretaker that Attempts To Care And Do Good By Them deserves, because Naruto is a good egg, but he's... three again. Which means he's a Hellion.

The literal toddlers (Naruto and Sakura are three-ish, Sai is four-ish) are, in fact, toddlers, so nobody really expects them to be able to do anything. Nobody bothers to test them beyond the basics of like. Can walk? Can talk? Can maybe hold knife? Like don’t get me wrong, they’re very competent toddlers, but their hands can barely wrap around a kunai. Their bodies are tiny. Their bones only just stopped being soft!

That said, the “tweens” (re: adults who got deaged but Less) have to get tested for their skills. Kakashi downplays himself to what he imagines a semi-competent eleven-year-old to be capable of. He thinks of, like, Neji maybe? Good, but not suspiciously good.

Obito enters an intangible state and refuses to participate. He has a Mangekyo. His body is half-Zetsu. Stop bothering him. He doesn’t want to do anything. They assign him babysitting duty for Team Seven since he can obviously defend pretty well, and Kakashi vouches for his abilities as a fighter.

Yamato decides to try to be just a little worse than Kakashi but at one point he panics and does Mokuton on instinct and now the entire Uchiha compound is screeching because did they just steal a Main Family Senju kid by accident?

Yamato: Should I tell them I was a science experiment? Kakashi: No.

Pranks galore! None of the other time-travelers even try to stop Naruto, except maybe Yamato.

Obito at the Uchiha compound is mostly "I don't want to participate" and then just uses Kamui to be intangible until people leave him alone. If it's not another time-traveler or Madara, he's not interested. He doesn't even care that much about Sai or Yamato, actually, so if it's not an original T7 member, he doesn't care, and if it's Madara, he's just here to make things Difficult.

The Kyuubi wanders up to the Uchiha compound one day and everyone's preparing for a battle, even Madara isn't confident that he can-- [BANG] "KURAMA!" [delighted squealing]

Naruto now has a pet. The entire clan is terrified. Kurama pokes his nose at Naruto's stomach and disappears into the memory of a seal.

Madara, frantically writing a letter to Hashirama "What do I do if my toddler is possessed?!?"

Hashirama: You have a toddler?!?!?! OMG you should organize playdates with Tobirama's kids! Madara: I'M GOING TO QUESTION THAT LATER, PLEASE HELP WITH THE POSSESSION THING

Kurama hunts down Naruto, and the Jinchuuriki situation is very much in the realm of "Dis Mine" Also a bit of "If I'm in the brat, there's at least one Mangekyo user in hearing distance who can and will risk his life to prevent brainwashing. (Kakashi. It’s Kakashi.)

Naruto: Kurama's one of my best friends! Every time traveler: Yeah, that tracks. Madara: [teakettle screeching]

Per @firebirdeternal​: I'm just loving the visual of Giant Nightmare Terror Kurama kneeling down and pressing his nose to Naruto's Smol Chubby Toddler self and closing his eyes while Naruto pets him and giggles and every single battle-ready Uchiha is just. "wat"

Everybody else: Cool so Madara adopted a witch Uchiha Elders: We need to be careful of this horrible creature The younger generation of Uchiha: Okay that was weirdly serene and adorable and frankly the brat is really likeable when he's not being adhd as hell I think this is actually pretty dope.

Madara really wants to be a Good Dad but he has no idea how he ended up being "a dad" in the first place. He just! He cares a lot about this random assortment of kids! Some of them are from prominent clans and there should be search parties for the Senju kid with the Mokuton, or the Hatake brat, or the Uzumaki that doesn't look Uzumaki but definitely feels Uzumaki.... and SURE the only Uchiha of the bunch is a stranger who hates him for no reason Madara can come up with, but! He wants to be a good authority figure!

At least the Uzumaki appreciates that he's trying.

Seriously, though, there are clan kids and nobody’s looking for them, what’s up with that?

Kakashi still has a prize copy of Icha Icha and nobody in the Uchiha compound does a thorough check of his reading material until like three months in.

He is blamed for Naruto developing the Oiroke, because where ELSE would a toddler get such ideas? (Yamato and Obito both tell him he brought this on himself.)

Naruto waits until a Big Important Meeting lets out, something about tithes or a merchant contract, and just pulls a Harem no Jutsu in front of the entire group of Elders And Main Family. First he does a Mass Shadow Clone, which makes everyone turn on Sharingan because Fancy New Techniques to steal! Sure, they were late on the shadow clones, but the kid is clearly gearing up for something! The something is Oiroke.

Anime Nosebleeds everywhere. Most of the elders were hit. Izuna was hit. Madara is not bleeding from the nose, but he is very upset about having semi-accidentally sharingan-memorized his weird adoptee’s Sexy Older Female Alter Ego. There is yelling.

Naruto’s like “Oh, I missed some!” and decides to try again with Reverse Harem no Jutsu because there are old ladies among the Elders, and maybe some straight women representing a guild, and maybe some gay guys he missed! Madara is still not bleeding. (He’s very demi and tbh Naruto only would have succeeded if he’d tried to use Hashirama’s face. Naruto does not know this. He just figures Madara is ace like Sasuke and that no variant is going to work.)

Izuna gets another nosebleed and is just like “Well, this is not how I planned on coming out as bi, but--” “Izuna, I literally do not care about you being bi as long as one of us has an heir at some point, I’m more upset about the fact that my child has been corrupted!”

Back in the Senju compound, there is... a lot of screaming, honestly, but every time Karin and Suigetsu start trying to kill each other again, Tobirama just shrugs and tells them not to break anything.

Very easy-going caretaker, really. He's got some very deadly toddlers in hand, but they're still just toddlers.

Sasuke: Yeah, I might want to go see my clan at some point. Suigetsu: Yeah, I might want to go see my clan at some point. Karin, clinging to Mito: Yeah, I want to go see my clan at some point. Juugo: Please never, ever take me to my clan. Ever. Please. I'll stay with Sasuke, thank you.

Naruto breaks out of the Uchiha compound the first time he enters Sage Mode, several months in (it took a while to get the privacy) because he feels Sasuke and lbr if Naruto knows where Sasuke is, nothing will stop him.

The Uchiha clansmen cannot catch the errant toddler. They fail to inform Madara until Naruto is already in Senju territory because nobody wanted to admit the toddler outmaneuvered them.

Naruto wasn’t sure how to get into the Senju Compound safely so he just goes full Kyuubi, bounds over the wall screaming SASUKEEEEE at the top of his lungs, and then shrinks back down to Tiny Brat size so he could hug his Bestest Friend Ever and cling like a limpet while Sasuke just sighs and stares at the wall.

Sakura ran after him.

Sai painted a bird and Yamato dragged Kakashi onto it to chase Naruto, because Kakashi is at a point of zen regarding Naruto's bullshit and fully trusts the kid to not die.

Obito refuses to look up from whatever he's doing and asks people why they think he cares.

“We told you to look after the toddlers!” “Why would you do that? Seems like poor planning on your part.”

Disappears when nobody's looking. Waits until the Ruckus at the Senju compound (where T7 has crashed in to tackle-hug Sasuke and Madara followed in and proceeded to get shouty, and nobody's dead or battling because they're too confused and also it's a comedy) has started to calm down, and then teleports in and demonstrates Mokuton just to make Madara's life harder when the Senju Elders start demanding answers.

His energy is very "I am here to make Madara's life harder" and Madara still doesn't know what he did wrong.

Madara: That brat has a Sharingan! Tobirama: Well THAT one has Mokuton! Obito: Yamato has it too. [angry teakettle noises]

Madara's first response to seeing Sasuke is to turn to Izuna and point aggressively at the toddler while making a tea-kettle noise "He looks just like you!" "He's four, he barely looks like anything!"

Naruto, tugging at Madara's hakama: You need to make a village with Hashirama so I can see Sasuke more often, cuz I don't wanna ditch you guys, but I gotta see Sasuke! He's my best friend! Madara, who is aware that he could fight this child but really doesn't want to, and also knows that a tantrum thrown by Naruto or Sasuke is capable of leveling mountains: Right, yes, we'll get right on that.

tbh Madara wants the village anyway but "The bijuu-whisperer said he wants it to happen" is a great way to push things forward.

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end