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piastrinorris · 2 years ago

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busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

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Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, drug content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 8.8k

A/N: Here it is, folks. The one you've all been waiting for. Enjoy. <3

I might have been a tiny wee bit self indulgent at one point in particular. Bet you can't tell where.

You frown as you swipe to answer the call from Scott. "Who died?"

"Woooow," a very familiar sarcastic response rings through your ear. "Can't a friend just call up another in this day and age?" You let the silence linger just long enough for him to then add, "Yeah, I'm chatting shit. No, I was going to ask, are you running late?"

You frown, "No, I'm not long about to close up now. Why'd you ask?"

"Well, Ralph texted me." He puts on a voice, the way you all do when talking about your flatmate. "Good afternoon, Scott. I hope you have been keeping well, and that the snow hasn't interrupted your daily life. I would like to request your assistance, I am aware that we have been tasked with making dessert for the Pal Valentine's Day meal later, but unfortunately I have noticed that we are severely lacking in eggs. I was simply wondering if, by chance you could bring some up to the flat? I would be most grateful, and willing to more than compensate you financially! Regards, Ralph."

You groan, "I asked him to get eggs this morning, he didn't want to because there were kids throwing snowballs and he was scared he'd get caught up in it. I told him to suck it up, because they can smell fear, but he's clearly too chicken-shit to go out there."

"Aww, he's never even had a snowball fight before? What even was his childhood?!" You rasp, hoping to quickly evade that topic. "Oh my god, you thinking what I’m thinking?”

You grin, “I think I am. You wanna rally the troops?”

“On it.”

You look up from your phone, still giggling, to see two of your sales assistants watching you, looking at each other and waggling their eyebrows at each other. You shake your head, “At this point, you’re well beyond barking up the wrong tree! My friend Scott and I are planning something,” you flash your eyes mischievously, and they tut back at you.

“Well, at this point, it’s not like we were expecting you to have some hot date on the other end of the line, is it?” One of them jokes, nudging the other as they run off and busy themselves at the other end of the store, still cackling.

“You two are lucky you’re my favourites!” You shout after them with a laugh. “Can I trust you to close up tonight?”

“Nah, we’re gonna loot the place,” one answers with a false sincerity.

“You poor sods won’t find much here,” you point out. “But thank you, you’re the best!” You singsong as you head past them to the back room.

“Then pay us more!” Another jokes.

“If I had control over who earns what, d’you not think I’d have done that by now? You wound me,” you dramatically push your hand to your chest as you walk backwards through the door out of the main shop floor. Once you’ve collected all your belongings, and put on all your layers, it’s pretty much time to close anyway. You salute your colleagues with a, “Godspeed getting home tonight,” and brave the cold.

Since the roads hadn’t been salted by the time you needed to get to work, you’d walked there, and while you would much rather be sitting in a heated car than feeling your cheekbones freeze over, it’s quite nice to walk through the streets of Croydon, watching the thick snow fall with the slightest bit of sun still peeking through. A gentle little reminder that longer, warmer days are just around the corner, and that winter’s soon at an end.

You’re greeted in front of your tower block by all your friends, all with varying expressions. Scott and Connor are eagerly plotting, Anna still looks a little unsure, and Grace just looks like she’s fed up of the cold. “So, what’s the plan, who’s getting him to come downstairs?” you ask once you’re with them.

“That’s what we were just deciding,” Scott replies.

“My suggestion was that Anna would be the least suspicious, but she wants no part of this,” Connor pulls a face and Anna slaps his arm.

“Shut up! I still think it’s mean,” she frowns, and you hold her arm comfortingly.

“Listen, who’d you rather be the first people to engage Ralph in any kind of snow fight, us or those little pricks up there?” You jerk your head over to where a group of middle school-age boys are playing around together.

She sighs, “Fine, but I’m aiming for his feet, okay?”

“Aw, but it’s fifty points if you hit his face,” Scott teases.

“Okay, okay, before Grace gets hypothermia, let’s just get this over and done with, shall we?” You ask, and Grace nods from somewhere beneath her fluffy hood. “Scott, he asked you to pick up those eggs, didn’t he? Just make up some guff about how they’ve locked the front doors so he needs to come push the button to let you in.”

Scott nods, texts something, and within a few minutes pumps his fist with excitement. “Okay, he says he’ll do it! I told him to wrap up and let me know when he’s on his way down.”

“Tell him you’ve had to step away from the doors so it doesn’t look like you’re loitering,” Connor adds, “so he can’t just run back.”

“Okay, this does feel a little mean, now,” you admit, and Anna looks at you incredulously.

“No, no, you don’t get to back out now! Not after all that talking me round!”

“Yeah, c’mon, you two have been smooth sailing for ages now, surely there’s something that you can only get off your chest by a one-time snowball pelting?” Scott asks, and you think for a moment.

“He did watch the rest of that new show we were watching without me and then spoiled the ending,” you ponder.

“Jail.” Grace pulls her hood back momentarily to stare at you with wide, serious eyes.

You nod, “Yeah. Or a snowball to the shoulder. Both are the same punishment, I think.”

“Totally,” Connor sneers, and you and Grace both flip him off - or you assume that’s why she’s holding the back of her hand up to him, it’s hard to tell with her wearing mittens, but it does put everyone into a heap of laughter.

Connor’s phone beeps, and he gasps as he looks at his screen. “Alright, gang, he’s on his way down! Lock and load.”

You all get into position, snowballs in gloved hands, as you watch Ralph push the door open with ease, walk through it and look back with a frown. He tentatively moves forward one cautious step at a time, his big baby-cow eyes darting around all the while. You all hide a little further back each time until he’s inevitably in line with you all. He looks at Scott first, then his hand, then around at all of you. “Oh, fiddlesticks,” he whispers.

“This is for your own good, mate,” Connor grimaces as you all throw your missiles at him. With a half-scream, half-squawk sound, Ralph tensely curls himself up in self-defence, holding that position long after he’s been hit. “See, mate, that wasn’t so bad, was it? And that was all of us!”

“I thought you were all my friends,” he glares indignantly at you all, and you nod.

“Yeah, which is why we did it knowing you wouldn’t get hurt,” you point out. “You’re alright now, aren’t you?” He nods tentatively. “See? And the best bit, is now it’s your turn, and you get pick of the lot as to who you hit first.”

“Just hit me first, if you like, I won’t mind, and I won’t hit you again, either,” Anna shrugs, but Ralph studies all of you.

“Who’s idea was this?” He eventually asks Anna, who quickly points to you and Scott.

“Wooooow,” Scott shakes his head, but Anna simply flips him off.

Ralph bends down, eyes still flitting between all of you, as he grabs two handfuls of snow and immediately flings them both at the two of you. While you get a tiny little lump that just grazes your chest, at least he landed it with Scott, as that one flew out of his grip and straight into Scott’s mouth. A laugh bubbles out of Ralph’s lips and you all grin back at him.

“Okay, that was good, but a good snowball is two handfuls, smushed together into, yeah, that’s it, just like- ack!” Connor is silenced and humbled by Ralph throwing his third and far bigger snowball, straight into his stomach. “Prick,” he laughs as he scoops another one up to toss at Ralph again, who manages to evade it this time. “Mine was way bigger than theirs!” He makes another, adding, “Although, while I’m here, if you’re not retaliating…” Before extending himself to standing and throwing one at Anna with an almost evil cackle.

Anna gasps, “Only not to Ralph, asshole!” And throws one back at him with a giggle.

Before long, you’re all running around, including Ralph, throwing snowballs at each other and laughing like you were kids again. You’d never had thought, at your big age, that this is how you’d be spending a snowy day, but it brings back good memories of you and your four oldest friends, knocking at each other’s doors after the local news had announced that your school was closed, taking old bin lids up the steepest hills you could climb to slide down again. You look over at Ralph, with the apples of his cheeks glowing as red as his ears and the tip of his nose from all the cold, his whole face lit up as he catapults snowballs in the strangest fashion, and wonder what snow days must have been like for him. Obviously, he wasn’t sledding down hills on bin lids, but you’d have thought he and Victoria and their friends would have had friendly snowball fights. Though, you remember, from what you’ve learned of Victoria and her friends, perhaps those weren’t so friendly when aimed at Ralph.

Your thoughts are interrupted when another snowball hits Ralph, though not from any direction that any of you are standing. You all look over to the gang of young boys, snickering at each other for having landed one on “one of the oldies”, especially commending the offender for “getting the posh one”.

Though rage boils through all of you, it’s Grace, already warmed up from running around, who pushes her hood back to give them all a death stare and tell them, “You’ll regret that.”

As though called to arms, the five of you form a protective wall in front of Ralph and start hurling snowballs at the group of pre-teens at top speed until one of them yells, “Alright, alright, truce! Mercy! Whatever word gets you to stop!”

Just as you all stop, one more snowball flies up above all of you. Over your heads, down, down, and lands perfectly on top of the head of the kid that the others were praising for hitting Ralph. All your friends spin around on the spot so that all of you, as well as the boys, could stare in disbelief at Ralph, who has a small but very proud smile on his face. “Oi, that was sick!” One of the boys yells out. You mouth to Ralph that that’s a good thing as the other boys start laughing and cheering for him, too.

“Okay, alright, we’ve all had our fun,” you start holding your hands up in the air, “but this isn’t getting Palentine’s dinner ready, is it?”

“Isn’t it Valentine’s? That’s tomorrow, innit?” One of the boys answers.

“Nah, isn’t Pal-a-tine the wrinkly geezer from Star Wars?” Another asks.

“I thought it was that place that’s always fighting with Israel,” another comments.

“Maybe pay more attention to your teachers, yeah?” You ask them with a slight nod. You turn to the others. “Still meeting at Anna’s?” You ask, and they all non-verbally confirm. “Cool, see you guys in a bit. Ralphie!” You shout for him and he springs to attention, practically jumping to stand next to you. You smirk, “Ready to go get those eggs I asked for this morning?” He nods sadly and you nudge him towards the row of shops.

As you walk away, Ralph mutters, “I know I’m not supposed to interfere with knowledge about those world wars, but have there really already been ones in space, too?”

Had the snowball incident not already happened, you’d have absolutely messed with Ralph by convincing him that Star Wars were actual battles that took place in outer space. However, enough guilt consumes you that you correct him by trying to explain the entire movie franchise to him as you buy the eggs you need. Though he listens intently and nods attentively, you can tell from the vacant look in his eyes that nothing’s really going in, but at least he’s trying.

Baking with Ralph sounds like a nightmare, but he’s a diligent little helper when he’s trying. He measures your ingredients for you and he’s quick to wash up your equipment once you’re done with it. You’d only planned to go for the safe option of a simple sponge cake, predicting disaster, but the speed at which you’re all done leaves you pleasantly surprised. You’re even able to snap a little photo for Ralph’s instagram without him noticing. Once you’re all dolled up, he suggests you both take one to “show” his instagram and twitter accounts, but you opt to keep that one for just the camera roll. You’ve not seen or heard any speculation about your potential love life revolving around Ralph, and you’d like to keep it that way.

Once you finally get to Anna’s, after explaining that the boys outside of your flats had since decided to gather all the snow in the street to make one giant snowball, and had recruited you and Ralph to roll it when it got too big for them to, until you two couldn’t either. “Perfectly understandable reason,” Connor nods in understanding, and the others agree.

Once all the food is laid out, you’re glad that you all a) worked up an appetite and b) ended up pushing dinner back on top of that, because everybody preparing separate dishes has definitely overestimated what six portions of each part should be. Regardless, it’s another night of eating food, chatting away and ending with dancing around Anna’s living room, much like Ralph’s second night with you.

Another morning of February 14th, another empty bed to wake up in. You sit up, stretching out your arms, and grab your phone to look through the folder in your phone labelled “shitty mspaint valentines” to send to your friends and some of your coworkers, to make them laugh. You’re met with some laughing reactions, some rebuttals and a couple of reactions that you can tell were written with a sarcastic eye roll, which only spurs you on more.

You also post a photo you took yesterday to Ralph’s instagram, to keep his brand alive:

You’re about to drag yourself out of bed when the door opens to reveal Ralph, holding out a tray with two plates piled with waffles, two glasses of fruit juice and two mugs of tea. You watch him carefully set it at the foot of the bed and then sit next to you with your lower lip out in an affectionate pout. “Aww, Ralphie, what’s all this about?”

“Well, usually tradition would have it that Father and I would take Mother and Victoria breakfast in bed on St Valentine’s Day morning, as a tradition, and so Victoria insisted that tradition still be upheld even after our parents… Well, let’s not already put a dampener on the day before it starts! You’ll have to forgive the absence of flowers, I used to have the luxury of picking them out of the garden, but none of the plants in the flat are flowering, and it would be criminal of me to steal from others’ gardens, and all the florists were specifically selling bundles that were far too big for such a gesture, an-”

“Deep breath,” you coach him as you put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It’s sweet that you still wanted to uphold your little tradition. You know, my dad used to leave me and Mum Valentine’s cards on the doormat, each from “a secret admirer”, though it used to terrify me at first because I didn’t realise it was him!” You pull a face as you take a bite out of a waffle, and Ralph laughs softly. “’Course, after a while, it’d get a bit embarrassing having your dad be your Valentine, but hey, it was one more than I’ve been getting these past few years!” You finish your mouthful and wave the rest of the waffle at him. “These are pushing the boat out for you! Get you!”

“Yes, my dear American friend recommended them to me! And I managed to successfully cook them in the toaster oven!” Ralph chimes gleefully.

“Look at you go!” You beam proudly. “Soon enough, you won’t even need me!”

“Oh, don’t be preposterous,” he mutters under his breath just before taking a big sip of his tea. “Any plans for the day?”

“You mean, other than beating the hoards of men waiting for me outside that door with a stick?” You joke, and Ralph chuckles lightly. You shake your head. “Might just do another self-care day. Be my own Valentine, as if things weren’t sad enough!”

“Well, perhaps I could join you, and we would be our own ones together,” Ralph offers. He awaits your reaction with bated breath. If that goes well, perhaps he could segue into asking you to be his actual Valentine, and that would be at least one more step above simply being housemates, over being bedmates, even.

You take a deep breath in. Maybe you could ask Ralph if he’s willing to take it the slightest step further and be each other’s Valentines. It’s just an arbitrary title, really, but at least you’d have one this year. And, whenever Ralph finally leaves, at least you can remember him as more than just your flatmate who you platonically shared a bed with. Wistfully reminiscing over a Valentine does sound more romantic.

But, you have to respect his boundaries. If he felt comfortable enough to make you breakfast in bed, he would have accompanied it with a request for you to be his, but he didn’t. He’s offering to be his own Valentine, parallel to you. Message received. “That’d be nice!” You put all your effort into trying not to sound disappointed.

It works, as Ralph reads your reaction as being very happy with that idea, and he daren’t tread over that line. “Very well. So, what does being your own Valentine mean?”

“For me? Junk food, junk TV, and in this weather, wearing at least two blankets at all times,” you count off on your fingers, making Ralph laugh. “Though I better head out and get you some of your favourites, too.”

He frowns, “There’s no need, you’ll catch your death of cold out there!”

“I mean, obviously I’d get dressed first,” you pull a face. “But yeah, you deserve to get spoiled a little, too. I mean, you did all this for me,” you gesture to the tray, but Ralph rasps flippantly. “Plus,” you add with a smirk, “don’t want you hoarding all my favourite snacks.”

“There it is!” Ralph grins, pointing a finger to you and leaning in so it hovers close to your nose, making you laugh.

“You caught me!” You hold your hands up in mock guilt. “I’ll head out in a bit, okay?”

Once breakfast is over, and you’ve washed up after you both despite Ralph insisting he would do it and trying to get in - which resulted in some rather creative ways of blocking him out of the kitchen - you get dressed ready to brave yet another cold front.

You know what Ralph’s most favourite sweets are. Jelly Babies. But the ones he loves the most aren't the kind you can get from any shop - of course not, that would be too easy, and this is Ralph. No, his favourites come from an old fashioned sweet shop that lives on the same street as the shop he works in. You remember its location vividly. as you'd made a point to think about memorising it and nothing else the day you'd dropped off a treat to Ralph while at work and seen his latest idea in action - an immersive display where he dresses up to fit in with it too. But you'd firmly blocked that mental image out of your head. Of him surrounded by Wild West imagery while wearing a cowboy hat, a plaid shirt and very well-fitting jeans. You definitely hadn’t focused on that at all.

The trek to the old high street is a long one, especially since the snow that wasn’t quite gritted over had formed a barrier of sludge along the roadside that was creeping into the remnants of yesterday’s clean, soft, crunchy snowfall. You make the most of the childlike wonder that comes from stomping through it while you can, before it inevitably ices over into a deathly lumpy terrain.

You spot someone ahead hobbling through the snow, walking in your direction. You watch them carefully, unsure whether to try and help, casually walk past or actively avoid them, when an unmistakably pungent aroma precedes them. You study them a little closer and shout in recognition, “Homeless Pete!”

The man looks up and grunts at you. “How‘ve you been? Not seen you in ages!” He shrugs. Heart sinking, you note, “You were walking with quite a purpose there. Headed anywhere in particular?” Your fears are confirmed when he points over to the block of flats Ralph showed you that he’d emerged from almost half a year ago. “Oh… Today? It’s working?!” You ask, feeling your heart hurl through the ground. He nods, then gestures to you and flashes you a hopeful look. “What?! No! Not me! No, d’you remember, you brought a guy back with you from the 20s? Well, not these 20s, the nineteen-twenties.”

He looks blankly at you. You groan, “Please don’t tell me you’re some kind of past Pete who doesn’t know about Ralph, I don’t need a migraine today.” The name seems to resonate with Pete, which is promising. “Yes! Ralph! You remember! He was all dressed up like he was in the army! And he ended up coming back with you! And then he ended up with me! S’pose I better… Could you hold off on using it until I can get him there, too?” Your words hang heavy with sadness, but you knew this day was coming.

Pete stands there in silence for a moment, thinking. He traces the air from time to time, then claps his hands, making you jump. He mimes scratching at a beard along his own stubble-covered jaw. “You mean, you’ve seen Ralph with a beard now?” He nods, pointing downwards in front of himself. “You’ve spoken to him?” Another nod. Pete looks up at the tower block, then at you, gestures with two hands towards the building, then makes an X shape with his arms, waving them down.

“Please just fucking speak, mate.” You sigh, but he just repeats his actions. As you look lost again, he holds his two hands out again, but stops, looking at you in waiting. “So, that’s you and Ralph?” You guess, and he nods. He moves his hands up towards the building. “You and Ralph went to the place with the… Time machine.” Saying it out loud still sounds insane, even after all this time. He holds one hand close to him, and waves the other one out at you. “Is that one meant to be him?” Another nods, and then the crossed-arms gesture. You frown. “Ralph… Didn’t go in with you?” He shakes his head. “Why not?” He shrugs.

The sorrow and confusion you’ve been feeling this whole conversation start to curdle into all kinds of other feelings. There’s still some confusion there, but mostly it’s anger, frustration, disbelief. He knew how cautious you were about this day finally arriving. He knew of all the countless sleepless nights you’d spent trying to figure out things like how to hide him from your landlord, what to do if he ever falls ill. He knew that every time you picked up your post, you feared a letter from the government with big red letters asking to confirm the identity of the man who’s been claiming to live there despite not being legally registered to. He knows that you’ve been up until all hours some nights searching desperately for some kind of explanation for this phenomenon, since it can’t just be something that only Homeless Pete knows about.

Things had been going so well, especially since Christmas. You’d made peace with the fact that the clock was very much ticking with how long you’d have left with Ralph, and especially after Brighton, you had been telling yourself over and over to not sweat the small stuff, and to just enjoy having him around. You’d figured that with your feelings for him growing stronger the more that he’s around, it’s better for everyone if, instead of constantly counteracting them with the negatives, you’d just let yourself get over him quietly.

Maybe you should have been more forceful. Created more boundaries. Made it more obvious that he can’t just cheat his own fate, who knows what kind of damage he’s done to… Literally the entire universe, anything could be possible! You’d thought you’d always made it so clear to Ralph to always be preparing for the day he goes back. That no matter how great the life is he’s made for himself here, at the end of the day, all this is, is a learning experience for him to take this level of confidence back with him to his own time.

Forgoing the sweet shop, and any other shop for that matter, you make a beeline home, your steps far more deliberate and angry than the gentle march you had been taking through the snow. Even the sight of the lift in your building angers you, so you push your way up the stairs up until the ninth floor, storming through your front door.

Ralph looks over at you from where he sits on the sofa, delight on his face, which quickly falls when he sees your expression. “Is everything alright?”

“Is it?!” You screech. “Have a guess who I saw out there.”

He frowns. “I’m not sure, I didn’t quite think there was anyone out there who upset you to that degree. Would you like some tea or something to calm down?”

“Don’t you dare tell me to ‘calm down’ when you are the reason I haven’t felt ‘calm’ for almost six months now!” You hold your forehead, and Ralph looks back at you, confused, sad and a little scared.

“I - I quite apologise, is there something I’ve done that’s brought this -”

“Don’t you go giving me the ‘oh, yes, quite’ spiel,” you mock his tone, “not when you’ve been lying to me under my own roof! I trusted you!” You stop yourself when you hear your voice crack at that last sentiment.

He swallows hard. “In what respect have I been dishon-”

“I saw H.P. while I was out, didn’t I?! Going towards that block of flats. So I tell him, I say, oh hang about, Pete, let me go grab Ralph so he can go back. And what do you think he told me?!” You ask, now stood next to the couch, squatting down to get eye level with Ralph.

His eyes dart as he wrings his hands, his eyes squeezing shut and open over and over again. “Yes, well, you see, that -”

“Right, all this umm-ing and ahh-ing is just… Annoying me even more,” you state, rubbing your temples. “I just want the facts, Ralph.”

“You said not to talk about anything from that weekend,” he mutters, and you look at him in disbelief.

“You’ve been holding out on me about this since November?!” You ask incredulously.

“You said! Not to talk! About anything! From that weekend!” Ralph jumps to his feet, punctuating every gap in his sentence with a chop to his palm.

You stand back up to level with him. “Yeah, as in all the shit about - God, are we really gonna drag all of that into light again, now?!”

“Well, if we could just talk about it, calmly,” Ralph gesticulates, but you scoff.

“You gave up all rights to that the moment you started lying to me,” your voice shakes. “It’s you, Ralph. You’re the one person I don’t expect to lie to me, since I don’t lie to you.”

He rasps in disbelief. “That’s not entirely true, now, is it? Or else you wouldn’t react so harshly. There’s something you’re hiding from me, isn’t there? Has your sense of charity finally worn, is that it?” He speaks with the venom in his tone that you’ve only ever heard whenever he’s talking about himself. “What, have you been counting the days down until you could throw me back out? Is that why you’re up until the ungodly hours, researching how to get rid of me sooner?”

You groan, pressing your fingers into your eyelids. “You can’t keep doing this, you can’t just keep making yourself the victim here when that obviously isn’t what I want!”

“Ah, yes, well, you must forgive me for not realising sooner that everything here is exactly as it always has been for my entire life,” Ralph spits. “People pretending to care about me to then use me for my money, or my social status, is one thing, but I have nothing here. Nothing but… Being a pitiful little man.”

“How many more times are we going to have this argument, Ralph? Everybody loves you here!” You punctuate every syllable of the first word with claps. “It’s not just because they pity you, because they don’t know you! They don’t know how you got here, or anything about your shitty family, people just like you! You have to stop being so narrow-minded and start seeing how this,” you gesture in circles in front of him, “affects the rest of us! Especially me, I’m out here having to - to keep track of what secrets I’m keeping and what lies I’m telling to who.”

“Yes, well. Nobody asked you to,” he mutters, looking at the floor.

Your blood now boiling, and all rationality out of the window, you scoff, “Oh, so now you’re ungrateful?!” His eyes snap to yours, but you carry on before he can interrupt you again. “I put my job on the line every time I have to leave early for you. I put my entire livelihood on the line harbouring a fugitive that doesn’t legally exist anywhere, not to mention that I have no clue what to do if you ever need urgent medical attention, if my landlord suddenly decides to kick me out, I don’t know how I’m going to keep them from finding out about you and potentially charging me a fuckton extra, I just - You can’t just think about everything I risk for you even once, can you?”

He frowns, “How dare you say that I don’t care?! I keep a healthy diet, despite all the times you decide we’ll just take away food instead, I keep to myself as much as possible other than the things that you have me do, and whenever I do leave the flat, I leave no trace that I was ever here!”

“Look, we’re getting away from the main problem, here, and I’m not skirting around it any more,” you shake your head. “Why did you lie to me?”

“Strictly speaking, I’ve never told a lie, merely omitted my meeting with Peter from any conversation between you and I,” he points out, and you scowl at him. He sighs, “But you don’t understand. If I told you that, you’d want to know why. And I can’t - there are far bigger things at play here,” he shakes his head.

You look at him in disbelief, “Like what?! Are you some kind of time-travelling spy? An intergalactic detective?”

“Clearly not,” Ralph scoffs.

“Then what, Ralph?” You raise your voice. “What possible reason do you have for - for causing me all that grief all those months ago, just to then go against the one thing you were supposed to do, putting the fate of whatever’s out there at risk all while only living the life of half a person, hm? Why would you choose to stay here like this?!”

“Because I’m in love with you, obviously!”

You and Ralph stare at each other for what feels like hours of silence. His wide, terrified eyes boring into yours as his whole face turns red. His lip quivers and then, suddenly, he pushes past you as you’re still frozen on the spot. You just about turn around to see the last of him rush out of the door, carrying his shoes in his hand.

His coat still hangs on the door, and you can see the snow is falling again. Not realising you’d been holding a breath in the whole time, you groan it out as you grab his coat, wrapping it around your arm to avoid it dragging on the floor, and head out to follow him. You see the display above the lift counting down and curse yourself for having worn yourself out on the way up here earlier.

You huff your way back down the stairs and try to find any trace of where Ralph could have gone. You study the footprints in the snow, vaguely recognising some in the shape of Ralph’s shoes, and decide that it’s as good a lead as any to try and follow them, though they quickly disappear once you get to the main street area. You notice someone loitering and decide it’s worth a shot.

Running across the road to meet them, you ask, “I know this sounds strange, but have you seen a guy go past? Had on a fuzzy blue jumper and no coat, I mean like -”

“Like he was wearing the Cookie Monster’s skin?” They ask with amusement. You sigh with relief, nodding hurriedly and they point, “Went towards the old high street, looked like he was tweaking.”

You thank them and start running as quickly as the resistance from the snow will allow you. It doesn’t help that the wind happens to be blowing the snowfall directly into your face, causing you to constantly stop to rub your eyes or sputter at whatever lands on your mouth.

Once you get back to the street you’d just been to moments before, you sigh with exhaustion as there doesn’t seem to be any trace of him. You still begin pacing the street, looking in every shop window that you pass. You wonder whether he’s hiding at his work, where you wouldn’t be able to get near him, and whether it would be worth asking in there. You’re on good enough terms with his colleague now, and perhaps the eclectic owner of the store might lift your spirits a little. There’s an awful lot of emotional weights on your chest right now, and you’re not sure which ones you’re supposed to be holding. You’re not entirely sure of anything right now, other than that you need to find Ralph.

Not paying attention to what’s in front of you at all, you end up almost vaulting over some poor baby’s stroller as their mother tries to get past you. “Oh my god, I am so sorry!” You apologise hurriedly, and she looks at you with a weirdly knowing smile.

“You looking for the guy who’s been cutting about in just his jumper?” She asks, gesturing to the coat in your arms.

Your eyes widen, “Yes! Oh my god! Have you seen him?!”

“Nice fella, helped me get the little’un across the road amongst all the snow. Really posh?” You nod again, hoping to egg her along. She eventually tells you, “Yeah, I told him to hurry up and get inside, he’ll catch his death! He went over there, towards them flats.” You don’t even need to look in the direction she’s pointing to know where she means.

You thank her profusely, adding a, “Cute baby!” over your shoulder as you quickly make your way down to your next clue.

Thankfully, it’s more than just that, as you find Ralph leaning against the wall of the building just next to the front door, squatting not far from the ground, his arms crossed over his torso and his head sunk low.

He doesn’t look at you as you walk over to him, but you hold his coat out in front of him. “At least put this on, yeah? That mum’ll have your throat, otherwise.” He silently reaches out for it and stands to put it on.

“He’s not here,” he mutters quietly. “Peter, I mean.”

“So, that was your answer to all of this?” You ask, your voice strangely calm considering how tumultuous your internal monologue is. “To just run back to your old life and leave this one all unanswered and up in arms? No care as to how it’d affect anyone else?”

“Of course I care about - well, I suppose the cat's out of the bag. Of course I care about you. It’s why I thought I shan’t burden you any further. I’ve already insulted your generosity by assuming you hadn’t the agency to tell me that you didn’t want me, without taking into account that perhaps you were being genuine. It’s what caused all that trouble when we were in Brighton. And I didn’t want you to feel any more obligated to do anything more out of - I can’t describe it as anything other than pity, but I never wanted you to feel as though you had to pity me, either.”

You sigh, “Look, I get it. It’s complicated as all fuck. Trust me, I’ve been trying to work out all the ins and outs and ups and downs of it all for months, now. But anything here, it just - we don’t know what it’s gonna do, you know? There’s far bigger forces at play here, you literally travelled through time, surely that’s cocked the universe up cosmically somehow? I don’t even know,” you groan in frustration.

“Well, obviously, I wouldn’t have agreed to stay unless I absolutely knew it wasn’t going to put you at any risk. But Peter stated that… Lauren and the rest, they’ve yet to make any sort of return. And since they could have chosen any time, they surely would have by now. I think… I think they stayed, in the past. And it’s not as though the sky’s turned upside down as a result, or that the world is being run by lizard people, now.”

“Depends on who you ask,” you mutter to yourself with a smirk, before looking over at Ralph. “I’m just hurt that you didn’t think to tell me. I know, I know, it was that weekend, but still. You could have told me that you’d thought it safe to stay, regardless of when you’d figured it out.”

“Would you have still been mad at me?” He asks quietly.

“Honestly? Probably,” you shrug. “I’d probably have argued the toss with you over every single possibility that things could still go wrong. But I’d never, ever force you to come here. Haven’t I been saying it all along? I don’t want you to leave. I’ve been dreading the day that you’re not in my bed anymore, that the flat becomes too quiet again, that I’ll have to spend my evenings watching TV alone without your constant nagging.”

“I thought that rather bothered you,” the hint of a soft smile just about tugs at the corners of Ralph’s lips.

“Oh, it does,” you admit, laughing softly, “but I don’t even want to think about a life where I won’t hear any of that, again. You know, and - and just being reminded of you all the time. All our friends always asking after you, and talking about you, never letting me get over you. I’d stay up at night, staring at the bedroom door from the sofa, wondering what’d be worse; that, or you living your old life meaning that you’d never have existed in mine, meaning I’d have no memory of you at all.”

“I’d always perished the thought of leaving - well, all of you, but especially you,” Ralph’s voice is still quiet. “You’d always - always tell me to tell my sister and Lauren to shove it, but honestly, I don’t think I could ever do that without you there with me. Even if they were to throw me out and I had to find my own way around, nobody else would hold a candle to…” He takes a deep sigh. “I always… I know I’ve always been the hopeless romantic, it’s one of my biggest flaws. And after falling for Lauren as soon as I’d seen her, and everything that happened thereafter, I swore to myself that I’d never let myself do that, again. That’s why I joined the French Foreign Legion, so I could focus on the task at hand, and learning how to build a camaraderie with my fellow soldiers. Except none of them wanted to do that. And so I left, and I ended up right here, and it was only a few streets away that -”

“That some dickhead spilled coffee all over you,” you finish his sentence with a smirk.

“I told you then as well, didn’t I, you’re far from one of those,” Ralph looks at you softly. “But I felt it all come back again. Everything I felt when I first saw Lauren. And before Lauren, when it was Maggie. And before Maggie, when it was - oh, heavens, you don’t need to hear about all my failings. But every time, I acted too quickly, and I only caused myself shame and heartbreak. And when I ended up here, I needed - well, something or someone, anything to anchor me, I had no clue what was happening to me. But you were so kind to me, from the very beginning. And I didn’t want to jeopardise your generosity by ruining it the same way I ruin most other things. So I kept my feelings to myself, for once, hoping that the time to leave would catch up before I let my feelings grow. But here we are,” he sighs. “I suppose I shall have to come clean to the others, and seek refuge with one of them. Though not one of your friends as well, I would never put you in that position. I’d have to perhaps tell Loz, out of all of those…”

You frown, “But why would you have to?” He opens his mouth to answer, but you interrupt him, “You’ve not once asked me how I feel about you.”

“Yes, well, you made some things rather obvious in the flat,” he replies coolly.

“Fair enough,” you nod, “but don’t you think I’d only overreact like that if I was really upset? And that I’d only be that upset if I cared about you so much that it’d break my heart to think you could have lied to me? You’ve yet to ask me how I feel about all of this.”

Ralph wrings his hands together, wincing as though bracing for a physical impact as he asks, “Of course, my apologies. So… How do you feel?”

“It’s hard to say,” you admit, trying not to laugh at his offended face. “Okay, I know, I’m being a dick again. I’m just… I dunno, even though, like, I know now that I can say it, it’s still not easy to just, say out loud for the first time.” You let out a long and shaky breath. “I think that… I’ve never been in love before. But if feeling safer being around you, and always wanting to share my life with you, and dreading the day I never see you again, and my heart soaring every time your face lights up with happiness… I think all of those things are the kind of guff people talk about in those romance films. And I didn’t think those kinds of feelings happened in real life, but… I think I know it, now.” You hold his face in your hands and finally say the words that have been dying to leave you all this time. “I love you, Ralph.”

He looks awestruck back at you. You study his face for any other reaction at all, and after a few beats, any sign of life since he remains unmoving, but he soon gleefully grins, leaning in to kiss you. You meet him halfway, moving your arms to wrap around his neck as you press peck after peck against his lips. His arms wrap around your waist as you just kiss him, and nothing else, because nothing else matters. You only break away from each other for air, and to turn your heads to then resume kissing each other as the snow falls around you both.

It’s only when someone clears their throat to get your attention, commenting, “I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but Christ on a bike,” as they push past you, that you actually step away from each other for more than a split second.

You catch Ralph’s eye and hold your hand out to him, “Wanna go get some jelly babies, put on those face masks that make you look like you’re glowing and curl up watching crappy movies and stuffing our faces?”

“I could enjoy watching paint dry in your company, my love,” Ralph smiles warmly at you as he takes your hand, and you take a step back, aghast, but still intertwined with him.

“And where was Ralph the smooth-talker hiding this whole time?!” You ask incredulously, laughing as you fall into step with him.

“Oh, that’s nothing, darling,” he comments, and your heart flies into your throat. You’d heard him call you that in your dreams a hundred times over, but actually hearing it drives you wild. “As I said, I’ve always been quite the hopeless romantic. I’m afraid you’re going to be seeing that at full throttle, now.”

You cackle so hard you bend double. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m gonna see Full Throttle Ralph,” you just about manage to choke out the name through your laughter, and he frowns at you.

“I’m simply warning you that, in agreeing to our courtship, you understand that Ralph Penbury does nothing by halves.”

“Oh god, I’m gonna have to do a lot of catching up, then!” You joke, but he squeezes your hand.

“Oh, good gracious, no, you certainly don’t have to do that! You already do more than enough for me, and I don’t show love just to receive it back, anyway,” he shakes his head.

The journey back to your flat takes the best part of an hour, mostly because you keep interrupting your walk to pull Ralph in for more kisses on the way. You can’t help it, the way his face blushes with the cold just makes him look so adorable, who wouldn’t want to kiss him?!

Plus, when you’d gone to pick his sweets up, he’d told you he had somewhere else to be, run out of the shop, and returned minutes later just as you were leaving, with a bunch of flowers. “I’m cutting it a little short, I know, but would you like to be my Valentine?” He asks as he offers you them.

You take them as you exchange the bag of his sweets into his hands, gasping, “How did you find these so last minute?!”

“Well, they were in our window display,” he admits bashfully, and you laugh.

“Wait, these are from your shop?!”

Ralph nods. “Yes, but I don’t think they mind, too much. Babs was punching the air and telling me to ‘Get in, my son’, but I couldn’t leave you outside and I was technically born in time to be her father, let alone son,” he shakes his head, causing you to laugh even more.

“Shit, I forgot to answer you, didn’t I?!” You look over at Ralph adoringly. “I’d love to be your Valentine, Ralphie. D’you wanna be mine? I’m afraid the sweets won’t last nearly as long as these, as an offering, but -”

“They’re perfect. As is my Valentine this year,” he beams, kissing the part of your forehead not obscured by your hat.

Once you get home, you change out of your snow-soaked clothes and decide to wear the pyjamas you’d both gotten for Christmas from your parents. You wonder whether to tell your friends right off the bat what’s happened today. You know Ralph can keep a secret, but ever since you’d said those four words to him, he’s been practically shouting his devotion to you from the rooftops. As much as you can’t wait to share in this big milestone of yours with your best friends, you just want nothing more than some uninterrupted time to spend catching up with all the affection you’ve been so desperately wanting to give to Ralph this whole time, and vice versa. Besides, they’ve all got dates tonight, too. You don’t want to interrupt their evenings. That’s what you’ll tell them when they inevitably find out.

Instead, you spend the afternoon and well into the evening pampering yourself and your - Boyfriend? What would you even call Ralph? Although that remains short lived as he realises that face masks are just a barrier preventing more kissing from happening, and he pouts until he’s got full access once again. Every peck comes with its own sweet nothing - a declaration of love, a compliment, a comment of gratitude. Although he’d told you it wasn’t necessary, you do try to match his energy - but it just becomes exhaustive after a while.

You had your heart set on ordering from your favourite Chinese takeaway from this morning, before the day's events had transpired, but Ralph is more than happy to eat from there, as well. You even go so far as to try and teach him how to hold chopsticks, though his adorable attempts to keep interlocking your fingers to pull your hand to his lips to to kiss it instead are far more adorable.

After watching some cheesy rom-coms - or rather, spending the night cuddling and constantly kissing Ralph some more while Sandra Bullock tries to find love over and over on the TV - you eventually retire to bed. As you do, your phone chimes its specific tone to tell you the group chat has updated. Laying in bed, you unlock your phone to see a photo of Scott and his partner, on their sofa with a glass of wine each, which is then followed by Grace sharing a snap of her and her boyfriend wearing face masks together in her bathroom. Anna sends a mysterious snap of two fancy-looking meals and two glasses being clicked together, one certainly in her own hand but the other is held by a mystery man, and Connor shares a very sweet photo of him and Ralph's friend Lauren in a restaurant booth together.

Ralph's head rests on top of yours as you show him the photos, and you can feel his smile getting wider at the photo of his two friends from different parts of his life here sitting so closely together. You lean your head up to grin at him, "Should we?”

He smiles back at you as you switch to your camera app. You aim it at you and Ralph and look back over at him, for him to press a kiss to your forehead. You close your eyes, smiling into it, and tap at the screen, your muscle memory still knowing exactly where the shutter is without having to see the screen. You type “happy vday from me and my valentine, too 😘”, hit send, laugh loudly with Ralph as you see all four speech bubbles show up at once, and then put your phone on silent and lay it face-down on your nightstand.

You roll back over to snuggle up against his chest, and he wraps his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin as he embraces you. “Goodnight, my love,” you hear him whisper in your ear. “Pleasant dreams.”

“Night, Ralphie. Love you,” you mutter back, holding him tight and breathing in deeply, finally free to indulge all you want in the prospect of having a relationship with the man you’ve been in love with for the last five months.

next chapter

#ralph timewasters #ralph timewasters x reader #ralph timewasters x you #ralph timewasters fanfic #ralph timewasters imagine #ralph penbury #ralph penbury x reader #ralph penbury x you #ralph penbury fanfic #ralph penbury imagine #ralph timewasters fluff #ralph penbury fluff #bsbl #fic: bsbl #*myfics #fic: ralph

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chibivesicle · 2 years ago

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The woes of running a secret organization; Steven’s burden and complex partnership with K.K.

It is time for some manga meta for Kekkai Sensen! Yes, we will be delving into manga only content through Back 2 Back and the Calamity Auction arc. Anyone who has been reading my meta since Golden Kamuy means I have a love of certain types of characters and Steven and K.K. really fall into that type.

I’m really interested to delve into Steven first and then K. K. (in a later post) but she’ll be in this one for sure because K. K. is intimately tied to Steven all the time in the manga (and I don’t mean in a sexual sort of way).

My previous Steven meta was only based on the anime for the most part and up through episode 7 of season 2. Which really is more stuff from what should have happened before events of season 1. Yet, I digress. I’ve already put out there that Steven has an immense sadness about him in part with how he’s alone and has been making life choices to keep himself alone.

One should always be concerned if this is how you encounter him in the dead of night.

Steven is the ice cold pragmatist to Klaus’ fire filled idealism. Certainly, one always needs to look for that single flicker of light but Klaus can state this openly since someone else is in the dark corners trying to make sure it happens. That being Steven.

Kekkai Sensen characterization and moral conflict scenes

Early on when Steven and K. K. take on the first named Blood Breed in the 23rd Street Station, K. K. gives him absolute shit for being with such a black hearted man. This implies that K. K. is knowledgeable or bold enough to verbally acknowledge that Steven doesn’t always do things above the board. Which likely means that Klaus has to know this as well on some level. Klaus isn’t naive, he’s more compassionate than most but will still crush you if you are inhumane.

Early on, Steven is set up as the deadpan snarker, with a quick quip or sarcastic comment. He loves his coffee and can get seriously hangry (where is my subway sandwich?) and does a lot of boring paperwork that no one else does.

We learn that in ‘Day In Day Out’ about his swanky condo, sophisticated, educated circle of human friends. Who aren’t really good friends.

It says a lot that he’s got Mrs. Veded as his Beyondian housekeeper with whom he is relaxed and chill with. He even appreciates her roast beef enough to smile softly commenting on it.

We also get to see how his relaxed clothing is a white dress shirt, dark pants and slippers. Not only is he in his own home, but Steven is always on guard when out and about. It took me a few reads of this to notice that the manga showing his slippers indicates that he is safe with her. He’s not wearing his special Esmeralda Blood Freeze shoes.

I am always a sucker for domestic scenes and love the one with him chopping and cooking with Mrs. Veded for his party. The first person to arrive is Ellen with her new boyfriend/male fling/something.

Steven is blushing hardcore as he smiles at first. I think it is pretty clear that they were involved romantically at some point in time previously. This is backed up by the next page. They hug while the other guy is just standing there and Ellen even tells Veded that her tentacles look great which is like your hair looks great. I think. She then finally introduces her date.

That is totally a sort of, yeah here was my past fling current date vibe there. The other guests then start to arrive. Everyone seems to know that Steven is overworked and they joke about helping him to party more.

What is most telling though is when he approaches Veded. We can see that his shoes are his work shoes. If he felt okay with the guests, than he’d perhaps wear non-vampire hunting shoes, but he’s got them on.

He thanks Veded for her help and makes it very very clear that she’s done for the night. Only after she leaves does he get a severe expression and tells himself to get things started.

There are almost two pages of all the guests at the dinner party talking to each other in groups while Steven is - completely absent. We only see him when he volunteers to get beer for a few people who are out from the kitchen. When his back is turned to them, they all draw their bioweapons on him and it becomes awkward as they request that he come with them or else. They lay down their job to capture him as a key member of Libra and he at first tries to jest with them.

His snark is on full force when he thanks them for not killing him violently and destroying his place. But even more so that if they wasted that precious Veded roast beef. If Steven cares about you - he really takes anything related to you seriously. Was that roast beef made with care and attention? Yes, thus, the roast beef is to be protected!

The entire group is frozen by his Needles of Absolute Zero attack and then he proceeds to tell them how they blew it. The manga takes it even further with more examples of his observations of various people. His comment about Ellen’s perfume continues the idea that they had been involved when he tells her, that she was previously worried about it being too strong. You’d have to be up close and personal for someone to worry enough about if your perfume is too strong for them.

They of course think that Steven has Libra do his dirty work but that is not the case, he reveals to them that he’s got his own squad to deal with threats like this - ones that can impact key members of Libra, like himself and eliminate them before they get to the rest of the team. Their job is to maintain balance and Steven will maintain that balance.

Steven is also bold enough to reveal that Klaus wouldn’t condone what is about to happen to them with his personal crew but that being interrogated is not going to be good.

He leaves his subordinate to clean things up while he goes out for fresh air with a look of utter defeat and sadness. The man can’t even have a dinner party without people wanting to kidnap/torture/kill him. Fun times. The fact that he goes out alone and then thinks back to the friends he froze and sent off for intel purposes. That has got to suck on so many levels, but what would you do? Let them kill you? Use you to hurt your friends and colleagues and disrupt that balance?

His entire lambasting of himself for having too much fun and being normal is sad and pathetic in the worst way possible. He can’t have any happiness or friends with his job.

Which is why when Veded stops by to check in on him with the party already being over it is so heart warming. He gets to thank her properly. Technically, his party was a complete failure but she was great. He also is polite and friendly with her kids. How many times do humans in Kekkai Sensen act totally normal with Beyondians besides Leo that we see?

This entire interaction between Steven and Veded’s family and the cat shows that he’s someone who cares about all of the residents of HL and wants to protect all of them. He also gives thanks and means it, not some sort of lip service. Other than Leo, the only other character who has totally normal actions with Beyondians on a regular basis is Klaus, but Klaus is the ultimate example of this. This is also before Zed joined their team so the current Libra line up lacked a full non-human.

Another aspect of Steven that is established very early on in volume 1 is how he will act when someone acts against Libra. In this case, it is when Leo was kidnapped.

He is organizing the entire team to rescue Leo to make it clear that whatever you do, Libra will comeback with way more force to make you suffer. And the rest of the team doesn’t have an issue with this policy, they all follow it and operate with full force to stop the other party. AKA, You hurt someone on my team, I will make you suffer tenfold more.

We also get another example of Steven using any means necessary to acquire information in volume 6 about criminal activity in the city. Including seducing a police officer and stealing a USB drive from her. He clearly left her hot and bothered and is strolling along alone before spotting Klaus. Whatever they were up to, he took of his jacket and tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt and things were getting heated. Until he isn’t and he quickly makes himself presentable for the general public (which in his case is tie and jacket).

He’s cold as he shows him the drive. Klaus didn’t even ask him to tell him about it, and Steven isn’t cocky either.

However, this is really it for the first ten volumes. We know he has his personal squad for dirty but necessary deeds, has definitely used his sex appeal to his advantage and is very protective of those he cares about.

The story continues on with Kekkai Sensen Back 2 Back for another ten volumes.

Kekkai Sensen Back 2 Back increases the stakes for Steven’s actions

We get the return of Steven’s personal clean up squad, who also get some more fleshed out information than just being giant thugs.

The background is made clear, for two weeks, Klaus is traveling around the world for Libra business with Gilbert and K. K. That’s right, Steven’s most frequent partner is out of the country.

We learn that Zapp and Zed are in the hospital after being seriously injured by a foe they barely escaped. This indirectly tells us that someone is out there targeting Libra while Klaus, K.K. and Gilbert are away. This means that Steven is in charge.

Patrick really hammers this home for the reading making it obvious that this was not normal and we get this guy named Garrett introduced. He decides to purchase something crazy dangerous and Patrick is concerned about giving him something so powerful.

But in the end, he heads out (notice the number of deadbolts on that door!).

Of course this random guy named Garrett is immediately drawn in such a way that we are suspicious of him. He looks like he’s just walking calmly away but then we see his face shaded in darkness. He’s got an agenda for sure.

Obvious suspicious character warning 101 right here. He proceeds to go into a diner. A lithe individual with a baseball cap and glasses sits down next to him and does something super fast to connect to the man’s phone. The mysterious team gain critical information and decide it is time to contact “Frost”. I’m sorry Steven, but pick a better code name 9_9 .

They speak simply in fear of someone else overhearing them and we can only think who will be woken up. As in these individuals aren’t free to do their own things and have a specific job.

Garrett drives to an abandoned alleyway and arrives at his meeting place. Only to find Steven alone. He at first seems concerned and when he realizes it is Steven his eyes fly open in shock.

We see a very closed off and cold Steven. He’s still slouching but subdued and not looking up either. He is incredibly calm as he addresses Garrett making it clear that the jig is up and Garrett should give up.

Of course, those who he was working with appear. It is the woman from before directly addressing him for figuring out that they’d infiltrated Libra. Thus, Steven is also using himself as bait to draw out the nefarious party. However, he makes it clear that Steven’s behavior is one where he lacks trust in them.

I would think that it is less about Steven not trusting them, but more that it is his job to protect them from having to deal with this. Or that he feels that it is his job to protect the rest of the team from this dirty work. Additionally, Steven wants to punish those who hurt his teammates. Way back in chapter 4, Steven made it clear if someone fucks with Libra they will respond in kind. Of course he hasn’t changed how he feels about these sorts of things since he first appeared in volume 1. She seriously injured Zed and Zapp and Steven is not going to let her forget about that.

His squad is able to pin down the tricky tentacle monster and he asks if they are going to kill her or not. Yet, it seems that she might be in trouble having tussled with them even if they try to get information out of her. Steven maintains a straight face at Garrett looks concerned.

The expression from Steven where he looks dumbfounded that Garrett is assuming that he’s a cold-blooded man seeing all beings as disposable which is harsh. However, he does add that what will happen to her isn’t going to be pleasant. Intelligence seems sexy when you think of James Bond movies and Spy x Family, but so much of it represents an incredibly dark side of human nature. Think more along the lines of Tinker Tailor Solider Spy. Focusing on the lack of humanity demonstrated by the agents and the KGB and what snippets we get today from US intelligence etc etc etc.

What is most interesting is that Steven takes the time to explain why he’s doing what he’s doing. Which honestly, I don’t think Garrett needs or deserves this since the context would imply that Garrett was a voluntary defector trying to take down Libra. The fact that he was eavesdropping on Leo’s conversation with Patrick and Neyka implies that Garrett was confirming that she hurt them and likely helped her to cross paths with them.

Steven is completely business about this. He is managing a crisis, where he has a rat who has compromised the nature of Libra. Yes, he’s going to find out what Garrett knows methodically.

In the face of such a terrifying thought, Garrett of course asks if this is the real Steven and throws out the obvious comparison to Klaus, upright to a fault. This was the absolutely worst thing that he could say to Steven. His eyes narrow and his expression becomes so awful that Garrett is shocked.

The bottom panel shows a man who is beyond upset. He’s sad, disappointed, angry, resigned, foul, and worn out. Steven doesn’t want to do this. It isn’t like he gets up in the morning wondering if he’ll get to interrogate a traitor, who already injured several of his colleagues and was going to injure more.

The action then shifts to the morning as they had limited time to act at night to capture Garrett and get to work. Steven is outside talking with his assistant as they discuss Garrett’s words about what Klaus would think about the situation. The assistant notes that even though Klaus would ultimately reach the same conclusion, he would have tried to take on the pain of someone like Garrett until his actions resulted in the inevitable self-destruction by his actions, likely at the hands of Libra.

The nameless aid is trying his best to make Steven feel better. He believes that one who is the direct aide to a leader is to keep that leader on their path by dealing with things that would distract them and prevent them from being overburdened with more responsibilities. And here, I 100% think that Steven’s aide believes this and is how he does his job as the coordinator for Steven’s squad.

Steven ask him to confirm the statement and he makes it clear that it is the truth. However, the blank expression on Steven’s face tells us that he doesn’t have that sort of faith in his actions. First, hesitant to speak and then only to say “That would be nice, but” and he never completes the statement.

The rest of the team wants him to return since they are having a post-mission office party. I mean, gotta keep up team morale for preventing more damage to Libra. In the end, Steven approves a drink for the strange baby genius and we never get to learn what Steven is thinking but it is clear that he does feel guilty and doesn’t want this to be a part of his job.

This entire chapter shows that Steven is willing to do that it takes to protect the balance, in the city, within Libra and his friends and colleagues.

But this chapter is a teaser preview for the next time that Steven wonders what is right and necessary in a crisis. Again, when he is in charge since Klaus was arrested and he ordered Steven to take the rest of the team and escape.

The evil human eating pot broke open releasing a monstrous creature that Leo rescued and took to the hospital. Using the All Seeing Eyes of the Gods, he determines that the horrible creature is what remains of some of the victims of the pot and the auction house wants it returned to them to put back in the pot.

What is also important to note is that most of the team are present, K. K., Zapp, Zed, Leo and Steven. Leo reveals to the group that the ‘thing’ is human and Steven hunches over it asking if it is alive.

The group needs to determine what to do next. He then looks to the medical professionals for an opinion, where they aren’t sure what to do other than note, it is seriously messed up. Steven knows that it will likely draw trouble to them or cause more so he keeps his back to them when he tells them to leave. The flushed expression on his face and inability to see his eyes tells us that he’s thinking of how to put it out of its misery.

He’s officially the one in charge and he’s thinking about what is the least risky thing to do. Leo argues back that the children that were fed to it are still alive and this wasn’t their choice. But the one who agrees with Steven is Zapp who manifests his blade and tells Leo to think rationally. The easiest way is to prevent it from returning to the jar and completing the curse.

Zapp is thinking that these already non-humans have to be sacrificed to prevent the worse option from happening.

However, Zed then jumps in to fight Zapp, agreeing with Leo that it isn’t their place to kill it. What is really great about the entire scene is that no morality is black or white and the Libra team are all using slightly different ways to look at the exact same situation. As Zed and Zapp come to blows, Luciana stops them and makes it clear that no one is fighting or killing anything in the hospital.

Steven then asks if they can remove it from the hospital to destroy it elsewhere. The facial expression that he has is just so - ugh - why are you trying to hold this entire burden yourself Steven?

Yes, you are going to use the letter of the law to defeat the spirit of the law. He looks absolutely terrible trying to think about what to do to protect everyone else. Unlike the previous chapter with his interrogation squad and their hyper rational mindset that a second in command must do what ever it takes to support their leader, K. K. finally speaks having sat quietly in the background. She does not mince her words, instead she acts like the brakes on his runaway train of thought. Asking if he’s sure about it and using his full name for emphasis. And then asking the question again implying he’d drop to the level he’s thinking about going.

And as she asks him, she furthermore tells him that she thought he was on the same page as Klaus and his beliefs. This causes him to snap back into the situation. We can see that his eyes are back to being both focused and more open in shock at her direct words to him. K. K. isn’t screaming at him or being passionate, she delivered her words calmly and directly. And it works. The grim unfocused expression then becomes aware and we can see his facial expression has shifted to tense and upset. He was literally trying to disassociate himself from the situation until K. K. drags him back from the abyss.

Now, that pause is good as it stops Steven from snowballing himself to his own personal mental hell and more guilt. It is also bad as it has given the brutal Tycoon brothers time to arrive to steal it back. As their vampire gate manifests above him we see the look of absolute fear on Steven’s face as he’s seriously fucked.

With the situation spiraling out of control, it speaks to the level of trust between Steven and K. K. The two of them immediately spring into action to give the rest of the team time to escape. Steven’s kick is blocked and he gets tossed over K. K. who dodges him and manages to get close range shots at them.

K. K. may have questioned Steven’s potential action but she’s still going to defend her partner. With Steven down for a short time, K. K. orders Leo, Zapp and Zed to leave. Zapp tries to get in on the action -

Only for Steven to tell him to retreat. K. K. and Steven are better equipped to fight them and they need someone to protect Leo and the escaped merged human monster from the pot. The way that K. K. and Steven naturally stand up and next to each other shows that they know what the need to do. Additionally, neither of them actually exchanged words. Both of them gave orders to the rest of the group and not to each other. This is different than our earlier K. K. and Steven scenes where Steven tries to keep them focused and K. K. complains about being teamed up with him. They’ve fully accepted and understand how they work as a team.

To convince Zapp to retreat, Steven still has to tell Zapp that he needs to do so and that he trusts him enough to figure out how to make things work. Steven is an excellent manager of people and it shows when Zapp stands down.

Of course the situation becomes dire as Steven and K. K. get seriously wounded trying to take on the brothers. Only Leo is able to step in to mess with their vision thus allowing for both groups to retreat.

Is the fact that Steven got seriously wounded sort of karmic for thinking about destroying it? Likely not, as K. K. also suffered the same fate.

When Leo is on the run with the child monster of the pot, it is Steven who sneaks out of the hospital with K. K. of course. I find it adorable that he apologizes to her as though his actions are inconveniencing her and she only smiles in reply knowing that he would not be able to sit back and recover while Leo was in danger.

K. K. knows him too well and she only can tease him that he’d have to become involved. The humor then shifts when Steven gets to some sort of stash he has in a parking garage. K. K. then gets to bitch at him for having a hidden change of clothing (since it is clearly a personal stash for him). But the second panel is adorable. We see his hand already wearing his blue shirt hold out a spare pair of pants. And he apologizes asking if they would be okay. Both Steven and K. K. are blushing as she accepts it. You can see the blush under Steven’s right eye and K. K. under her left. But that’s not all, being the gentleman that he is, he continues to change in the garage with his back to her as she puts on the pants in the car.

He unlocks his phone and gets on the Libra network while tightening his tie. All Libra members are to find and protect Leo. Right after sending it, he gets a backlog of Klaus’ texts to him after he broke out of jail. That look of absolute shock as Steven has returned to his full strict mom mode.

That look of annoyance as he can’t get a hold of Klaus! As the Calamity Auction arc comes to an end, the group are able to reconnect with Klaus and Leo at the shifting dimensional auction house. As the hardworking teammates return to his aid, Klaus gives them a simple “Thank you.”

He’s looking a little rough around the edges but had committed to protecting Leo and the inhuman-human pot victim. The expression on Steven’s face as Klaus continues to say that he’s been waiting for them. Interestingly, this time, when we only see Steven’s mouth and nose, we don’t need to worry about if his eyes look unfocused and burdened. The serious expression, softens to a grin and we know that Steven is glad to have Klaus back.

They are best when they are all functioning as a team. I look at it this way, Libra is the extra-governmental organization that maintains the balance of the worlds. And within Libra itself each team member maintains balance within the organization to give the world balance. The entire team rushed there to help Klaus so he didn’t hold the burden alone with Leo. They are stronger as a team than as individuals.

Another great scene is in the chaotic final a battle, K. K. and Steven work together to hamper part of Curious’ personal team. K. K. spots the monitoring spy eye. She shoots it out preventing a remote response.

And right after K. K. does her job, Steven steps in to finish it off after K. K.’s electrified bullets do their action. Again, no verbal communication between these two. They really work well together.

Seriously, the level of understanding between them is great.

What I really liked about the whole season of Back 2 Back was how it took a lot of the moral grey area questions and pulled them front and center. It continues to force the cast to ask themselves hard questions to which there are no correct answers to. Instead, those questions are answered on each person’s individual morality and limits. What actions can these people take and still sleep well at night. What is something they cannot do.

Steven is a complex character - and therefore, likely why many readers really like him. He isn’t someone who does questionable things because they are the most logical or rational way to act in the situation. He’s doing them out of his role in Libra, to protect others and to maintain the balance in the big picture. He tries to carry the burden of his actions and finds himself not convinced by the words of his own personal problem solving squad. Which tells us that he likely wants to be able to be more like Klaus or Leo than like them.

Steven understands worry - I think back to the first volume where Steven sees how worried Klaus is - trying to look calm when Leo was kidnapped and then reminding himself that Klaus is tying himself in knots. It is clear that any member of the cast can slide down that slippery slope of ‘but it was required for the cause.’ I feel like there is more to the interaction in the hospital as Zapp does not hesitate to second what Steven is thinking. Zapp doesn’t want to do something terrible but he also thinks of the bigger picture. Zed falls on the other side making them a two versus two. Until K. K. steps in and calls Steven out. It goes to show how much Steven respects K. K. and likely does not see her as someone to give orders to like Zapp, Leo or Zed and instead sees her as a peer.

Steven was clearly betrayed in the past - What I really want are Steven and K. K.’s backstories. I think that it would really inform us of how they came to be and why both of them are so strong and stubborn at times. I can’t help but think that Steven’s scar came from a situation where his trust was betrayed or someone in charge seriously fucked up. He will not let that shit happen again, not with his team the only people he cares about besides his housekeeper. And the general public at large.

K. K. is Steven’s other half - The two of them are an amazing pair. They don’t need to speak and when they do, they are either apologizing or annoying the other one. Yet, they totally respect each other. Steve keeps K. K. serious and focused at times while she prevents him from digging himself into a deeper moral black hole.

Steven is overly involved in making sure that things work and it clearly is something that he feels like he has to do or need to do. When there might be other options.

Daniel Law leaves us off with his own personal motto, “It is my general rule to not trust anyone.”

Sooooo really, Steven has more faith in people than our police detective.

In the future, Steven, please get a therapist. Take some time off for a spa day, shopping for new [same] yellow ties, trying to get his messy hair styled, reading multiple print newspapers and drink high quality small batch roasted coffee. Or buy more artwork for your swanky condo and most importantly, please sleep.

#kekkai sensen #kekkai sensen meta #kekkai sensen manga #steven a starphase #k.k.#kekkai sensen back 2 back #calamity auction #Yasuhiro Nightow #kkss

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jerzwriter · 8 months ago

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It's three months after the attack at Edenbrook Hospital, and Christmas is almost here! After being challenged by someone, Tobias is off to spend the day with his friend, Casey. He has a proposition for her, but will she be on board?

Book: Open Heart Characters: Tobias Carrick & Casey (F!MC), Jackie Varma Rating: Teen Warnings: Very small mention of PTSD and anxiety Words: 1,300 A/N: This is an altered version of an old fic written in 2022... but as I'm finally filling in the gaps of my Tobias/Casey headcanon, I needed to make some changes. If you're following the HC, this story would take place after The Fine Print and before the next part of With Warning, which will be posted later tonight. I'm also in the process of updating my Tobias/Casey masterlist to make this a little less confusing... for me, more than you! lol. Thanks to anyone who checks this out!

Series Masterlist | Tobias x Casey Masterlist Masterlist

He rubbed his hands together vigorously as he approached her apartment door. His gloves were no match for this kind of cold. The plan was to walk to Faneuil Hall to see the Christmas decorations, but given the forecast, Tobias hoped Casey had changed her mind. He knew of a lovely café in Concord where they could sit by the fireplace and talk for hours, and, best of all, they’d be warm. But, these weekly outings were about Casey, and if it was Faneuil Hal she wanted, he’d be happy to concede, even if it meant hypothermia.

The knock on the door was powerful enough to reverberate down the hall, and he smiled when he heard the lock click open. Expecting to see Casey on the other side, his grin was wide, and it faltered the moment he saw Jackie.

“Pleased to see you too,” she said sarcastically, stepping aside to let him in. “Are you here for your weekly custodial visit?”

His eyes narrowed. “Really, Jackie?”

“Relax,” she relented, “I’m joking. In fact, you’ve almost impressed me.”

“Me? Impressed... you?”

Jackie shrugged her shoulders. “Casey really looks forward to seeing you... even during her most difficult weeks. I had my doubts about you, but... you’re all right, Carrick.”

“Wow, Varma! You going soft on me?”

He burst out laughing when Jackie flipped him the finger, but deep down, he took it as a sign of affection.

“You know, I was doing it for her when this started. I would have done anything to help her after the attack, but I have to admit, now they’re just as much for me. It’s the highlight of my week.”

“Tobias J. Carrick. You are so in love.”

“What?” he blurted. “First, my middle initial is not J!”

“I improvised.”

“And I am not in love! I care about Casey. I mean… so do you… right? Does that mean you’re in love with her? No! And neither am I.”

“Hmm,” she hummed, sticking a spoon of yogurt in her mouth. “The man doth protest too much.”

Their conversation abruptly stopped when Casey’s bedroom door opened, and she stepped into the living room woefully underdressed for one of Boston’s coldest days. Tobias eyed her, wearing no more than a long-sleeved pink t-shirt and faded blue jeans, and he quickly raised a brow.

“Uh, princess, you’re not going out dressed like that today. You’ll freeze to death.”

“Yes, Dad,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “But I’m not going out; it’s too cold. I thought maybe we could stay in and watch a movie?”

“We could, or we could go to this little café in Concord. They have the best hot chocolate, there’s a fireplace and….”

He stopped speaking when he saw Casey slipping into her down jacket. “You had me at hot chocolate,” she said, grabbing his arm. “Let’s go!”

They turned onto the highway just as the snow began to fall; Mariah Carey blared from the radio, and one thing was certain, Christmas was almost here. He caught a glimpse of Casey peering out the window, just a hint of a smile on her lips. He didn’t know her this time last year. Still, he was sure she would have been belting out the lyrics if he had, but given the darkness she had recently survived, he gave thanks for small steps.

“Hey, listen…” he asked apprehensively. “I have a proposition for you.”

“Ah!” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “People warned me this was coming.”

“Oh, I have a comedian in my car, huh?” He laughed. “That role is limited to me, dear.”

“Oh, no, it’s not!” she chuckled. “But tell me, what’s this proposition?”

“I know our deal is I take you out once a week, and we do whatever you want. But I was wondering if you’d be OK with me picking the itinerary for our next outing?”

Casey slapped her hand against her thigh. “Ah… I knew this day was coming!”

“You mad?”

“No, I’m teasing. I think it’s a good thing. It’s like you don’t think I’m as fragile anymore. We can’t shake things up a bit... and I like it.”

“Hey! I never thought you were fragile,” He insisted. “Casey, you are one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. I’d never think that of you.”

“Thank you for the vote of confidence,” she grinned. “But you still haven’t shared your idea.”

“I’ve been a bit homesick lately, don’t know why... but I was thinking of taking a drive there. I wondered if you’d like to come along. I can show you what the holidays were like growing up, and I wouldn’t mind the company.”

“Tobias,” she said flatly. “You grew up in DC.”

“I know where I grew up,” he chuckled. “It’s a bit of a trip, but we could fly down.”

The music had turned maudlin as a string quartet strummed an old Christmas song neither knew. This somberness caused the long pause to be more painful than it was.

“T... I can’t go. I’m still out of work, and flying to DC’s just not in my budget.”

“So, I’ll pay. I have to get you a Christmas gift anyway, that could be it. What do you say?”

“Really?” She smiled, anticipation in her eyes.

“Yeah.”

“I guess we could... even if it’s just so I can tell you that the holidays in DC could never compare to those in Philly.”

“Sure,” he snickered. “No hometown bias there.”

“As if you’re any different? The only difference here is that I am right, and you’re wrong.”

“Oh really! That’s big talk! You willing to back that up?”

“I sure am.”

“Good. Now we’re officially going to DC and Philly.”

“That would be difficult to do in a day, Tobias.”

“So, we make it two. I need to use some of my vacation time by the end of the year, anyway. We can make it an overnighter.”

Casey flinched, and her mood changed in an instant. Tobias could almost feel the tension.

“Oh. No. You don’t... no... you didn’t think,” he stuttered. “I’d get two rooms... I hope you didn’t think I was trying to....”

“Take it easy,” she smiled, quickly putting him at ease. “I didn’t think that... well, maybe just for a second...but that’s not it.”

“Then, what is it?”

“I just haven’t been away from home since the attack. I’m just recently able to be outside without panicking again.”

“Hey, if you’re not ready, we don’t go.”

“No. I’ve been feeling better, and I have to try to spread my wings again. Honestly, it would probably do me good. But I still get anxious when I’m alone... so could you get one room... with two beds? I think it would make me more comfortable.”

A warmth that could combat the frigid temperatures outside overcame him. She trusted him. She felt safe with him, and she had no idea how much that meant.

“I could do one better. I’ll get a suite. This way, we can each have our own room, but I’ll just be a few steps away if you need me.”

“Are you sure? If it’s not too much of a bother...”

“To prove that my town kicks your town’s ass,” he snorted, “nope, no bother at all!”

“Then it’s all set!” She replied joyfully. “But you’re gonna cry like a baby when Philly destroys DC. I can’t wait!”

He took his eyes off the road for just a minute. She was beaming. Not only was her smile sincere, but the light that had once been in her eyes was slowly returning. The sound of the blinker seemed to be in time with the upbeat song as they reached their exit, and he turned back to the road with a placid grin. For Tobias, Christmas had arrived early.

~~~~~

Tagging @choicesficwriterscreations and @openheartfanfics because it is a big revision of the original.

Other than that, I'm just tagging newer readers & Tobias stans, because I'm not sure if anyone really wants to read it. lol

@alj4890 @kyra75 @coffeeheartaddict2 @brycesgirl @icecoffee90 @storyofmychoices

#open heart #open heart choices #choices open heart #tobias carrick #tobias carrick x mc #tobias x casey #holiday fics #revised

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mrsfrecklesmarauders · 10 months ago

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It was happening again. Sirius was acting weird after their kiss. It had been him who wanted to kiss Remus this time. He dragged Remus to this beautiful place near the lake, made him go in and swam with him and got him slightly drunk to let himself be kissed. This time Sirius didn't push him away immediately or panicked. He smiled against Remus's lips when Remus gave into the kiss. This kiss had been more passionate. It lasted longer. It included tongue and fucking butterflies inside of Remus.

But the result was the same. Sirius hadn't run away. He was shivering next to him after getting out of that lake. But he didn't look at Remus in the eye. Only whispering occasional things like: "I'm freezing", "Can we make a bonfire?". Remus didn't want things to be awkward between them.

"There you go" Remus said as he lit up the little bonfire he had made for themselves. The heat warming up their cold bodies was pleasant.

Sirius was still shivering. He extended his hands towards the fire to warm them. Remus smiled because Sirius looked adorable.

Nobody realized there was a quiet, vulnerable, loving boy underneath the reckless cool mess Sirius was. He was the boy that did things like get out of the castle in the middle of a cold autumn night, swim in the lake, kiss someone until he left them out of breath, but also the same cute boy that shivered like a puppy from the cold.

Remus retrieved a joint from his pocket that he reserved for the party tonight. But he reckoned it was going to help them now.

"Good thing it didn't get ruined"

Sirius smiled as he stared at it. "You're a genius, Remus"

Remus smiled and lit it, leaning his head to the fire in front of him to do so. He had his lighter on his pocket, but he figured it looked cooler like that. And he liked the way Sirius was looking at him.

He passed the joint to Sirius after taking a drag.

"Do you think that if I make a Moon wish now, it will listen?"

Remus giggled remembering what they used to do as kids. How they wished on the Moon to be forever friends. Moon wishes were Hope's thing. Since she died, Remus hadn't believe in that sort of thing. He was surprised Sirius remembered. Remus thought he was joking but looking into his puppy sad eyes now, Remus realized he actually meant it. Maybe he needed to believe in something.

"Mum said you have to ask with faith in the Moon"

Sirius passed Remus the joint and prepared himself "I think we would need blood this time, to make it work"

"And we are suddenly getting sadistic, aren't we?" Remus teased.

But Sirius wasn't joking "Do you have a knife?"

Remus loved how easily reckless Sirius appeared leaving vulnerable Sirius behind. He was the two of them at the same time. But different people.

"Do I look like I carry a knife around?" Remus raised an eyebrow. "I might not be a little prince like you... But it doesn't mean..."

"Shut up!" What has this turned into? A few minutes ago Sirius was kissing Remus's lips passionately in the lake. This morning they were normal as best friends. Remus was dizzy from this rollercoaster but didn't want to get off.

"Do you think a sharp branch would do?" Sirius added, looking around.

"Yeah, I've seen criminals pointing at people with branches sometimes" Remus answered sarcastically. Sirius smirked at him.

Sirius found a pointy branch that worked to make little cuts on their palms. Remus hissed as Sirius cut his palm without announcement. They touched bloody palms interlocking fingers. Remus's heart began beating fast. Although he didn't know if it was the ritual, the cut or the way Sirius made him feel. Sirius closed his eyes. He started whispering something inaudible. He looked translucent, beautiful, from another world. Remus didn't close his eyes to look at him. And stare and stare.

"Shouldn't I know your wish if I am helping you?"

Sirius shook his head as if Remus's question hurt him. "Please don't ask, Moony"

Remus didn't insist. Something intimate about his family probably. When Sirius was done whispering and opened his eyes. Remus was forced to add: "Please Moon, grant Sirius’s wish. I give you my blood, some fire and my common sense apparently."

Sirius laughed with the last part "Thanks, Moony"

This was the origin of the nickname. Sirius had said Remus was like his little moon.

They stared into each other's eyes. Sirius’s were watery but bright illumated by the fire. Now Remus was warm enough. He wanted to kiss Sirius again.

"Maybe we should forget about what happened" Sirius said as Remus was leaning in.

He raised and eyebrow "The Moon wish?"

Sirius bit his lip "The kiss"

Remus deflated like a balloon. After their first kiss, everything was torture because Sirius had gone weird and they ignored each other all summer. They were fine again. Now Sirius wanted to forget it? Remus thought he liked him. It was Sirius who kissed him this time.

It was Sirius who confused him with his flirting and constant attention even if Remus had tried to forget about him. It had been Sirius who got jealous of Emmeline.

"You kissed me"

"I know"

"You bloody said 'I want to kiss you' and then you kissed me!"

"I know!" Sirius exclaimed then sighed, looking at Remus disappointed expression "I like you, Remus" there it was "I adore you. And I did want to kiss you. Like a lot"

Remus didn't answer even if Sirius smiled. He kept his eyes focused on the fire.

"You drive me crazy but..." There it was, the but. "You know I am not looking for a relationship... With anyone... I just don't want to hurt you"

Remus shrugged "Yeah yeah, neither do I" he said "I don't want a relationship"

It was a lie. He would love one with Sirius.

"But you kissed me"

Sirius let out a little laugh "And you kissed me back"

"Because you kissed me first!" Remus exclaimed "I guess we are both to blame here"

Sirius leaned closer, twisting his mouth hesitating before touching Remus's cheek. Remus was frozen under the touch.

"I don't regret kissing you" Sirius said a little lower. Remus frowned "I'd like to do it again. But I should not because I don't want you to get your hopes up and then..."

"You're not the last bloody coke in the desert, Sirius" Remus pulled away "And I am not a fucking experiment"

Sirius blinked, trying not to look hurt. And vulnerable like before.

"You learned I am gay, you wanted to see what was like to kiss a bloke. I get it"

Sirius shook his head.

"But you cannot just kiss me and.... And and...and then... you know..."

"That's why I am asking you to forget it! Because I made a mistake!" Sirius snapped "I don't see you as an experiment. I really fancy you! But you are also my friend. And a boy. And I am confused. I don't know what this makes me..."

"It makes you a wanker!"

"You know what? This!" Sirius pointed between them "Let's just forget it. It complicated things already" Sirius shook his head.

"Let's make it simple..." Remus answered "It has already been forgotten!"

"Fine!"

In the heat of the argument, and the fire, and Remus's confused feelings, the two boys had gotten only inches apart. And just like magnets, they didn't lose time to eat each other's mouths again.

Strange thing. Remus remembered his hand was bloody, so he didn't know where to put it. But it didn't mattered because he could not unglue his lips from Sirius. And Sirius didn't seem to want to stop. He was opening his mouth for Remus, leaning into the kiss. Remus decided not to think and let himself go.

They kissed (snogged) until they were out of breath. Somehow Remus ended up on top of Sirius with his ear pressed to Sirius’s chest, listening to his heart beating fast for him. Remus smiled in delight.

Remus was laughing with the joy of the situation. Sirius was laughing as well. His body vibrated under Remus as he did so. His hands were on Remus's hair. Well, not the bloody one, Remus hoped. Who cared anyway?

"We don't have to stop if you don't want" Remus said, luckily not facing his friend "We can keep this a secret. I can wait for you to figure things out..."

"Remus," Sirius interrupted with a sad voice "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to lose you"

Remus laughed only to lighten the situation. He didn't want to fight. Or lose Sirius as well.

He faced Sirius now, granting him a smile to ease his friend's worry.

"Relax, Padfoot!" Remus said "I'm not looking for a proposal. We are young. We can keep this casual. Right?"

Sirius’s eyes were flicking through Remus's face trying to decide if he was telling the truth or not. Remus could tell he desperately wanted to believe him. He could do casual. If he made it work with Grant, he could make it work with Sirius.

'You don't love Grant like you love Sirius' a voice said inside his head 'You would like something more. A real relationship'.

Remus shut that voice down.

"Promise me something, Moony" Sirius said, touching Remus's hair gently "This is not going to ruin our friendship, right? Like I said, I don't want to lose you"

The way he said it, made Remus believe him. He spoke like he meant it. Like it was the only thing he was certain of. It was the same for Remus. He had found Sirius again. After believing he would never see him again. After missing him. Having Sirius back into his life was one of the best things that had happened to him. This thing, this connection between them was precious with kisses or without. Though Remus preferred it with kisses.

"I promise" Remus said with the same certainty. It made Sirius smile in relief.

That gave them green light. So Sirius pulled Remus down and he obeyed immediately. They were kissing for the fourth time and it was wonderful. Remus wanted many more. He was already getting addicted to Sirius’s lips.

#marauders #maraudersera #muggleau #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #wolfstar microfic

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autisticandroids · 2 years ago

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it's actually really funny how different my social experience is online and in real life. i have a certain i guess charisma that induces people to like me, and i'm very outgoing and friendly in specific ways, and i reap the benefits of these traits both online and in meatspace. but the thing about online is that it takes away a bunch of the impediments that make me less charming. like through a computer you can't tell that i'm failing to make eye contact or absentmindedly sticking my tongue out and twisting my neck or that i'm fat or that the tone of my voice is deadpan and cold or that i seem to be scowling or or that i cover my ears at loud noises or that i don't vocally mark when i make sarcastic jokes or that most of my shirts are stained or that i frequently freeze mid-speech and am liable to freak out of more than one person talks at once or that i've worn the same three pairs of pants since high school or that i compulsively scratch at my head like an invader zim character. and online in fandom spaces, i can get rid of the biggest impediment of all: my inability to hold an interesting conversation about anything that isn't [special interest]. there really isn't a point to this post except that it's something i think about. like sometimes i feel like my social skills have gotten better as i've gotten older and to some extent that's true but i also think that i've just spent more time in an environment where my freakish embodiment doesn't make people so uncomfortable

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finniestoncrane · 1 year ago

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Here to see a blind date!! I'm a 5'3" nonbinary person who presents mostly feminine. I've got layered brown hair roughly around my shoulders with blond streaks in the front, brown eyes and a few beauty marks on my face. I'm an extrovert, have a huge special interest in history and vintage clothing/furniture/etc (specifically from 20's-80's). I absolutely love colder/rainy weather and cozier clothes, tiny little coffee shops and libraries. I'm fairly sarcastic and blunt (the 'tism) but i try to be as friendly as i can in my day-to-day. I'm pretty awkward when it comes to talking to people i don't know, but i'm loud as hell with my friends.

(Absolutely love your writing, congrats on the milestone!!!)

💜 blind date 💜 the kitchen is now closed! 🔞minors dni🔞 • masterlist • kofi link • tag: finnie1500 (to follow or to block) a/n: ah, be gentle! your blind date is just getting back in the game! 💚

"Hi, welcome to the Vill-Inn! I'll show you to your table, where your date is waiting. He seems a bit sombre, but otherwise perfectly polite. I am glad you're wearing a scarf though... it's kinda cold over there..."

You do notice that it's getting colder the closer you get to your table, but that's alright with you. You've dressed for the weather, it is Gotham after all. And once you're sat down in front of your date, it all makes sense.

"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Victor Fries. I'd rather... not be called Mr. Freeze tonight, if that's ok?"

Of course you agree, you're very friendly after all. But you do throw in an awkward joke, which luckily he finds endearing.

The first fifteen minutes of the date are filled with compliments, with Victor taking in everything about you. He's specifically enamoured with your outfit, mentioning that it carries a wonderful aesthetic the whole way through. When you explain to him your love of history and vintage fashion, he nods.

"That makes sense. You look perfect. Like you've been frozen in time."

You're the one carrying the conversation, as Victor is a little quiet, possibly tender from his previous relationship. But you're quick to warm him up, no pun intended. He enjoys your sarcasm, he finds it witty. And he appreciates someone who is blunt, or as he puts it, straightforward, when speaking to him. He'd rather not play games, he just wants conversation and some company.

When you mention your love of coffee shops and libraries, he points out that Gotham is distinctly lacking in both, at least in the sense that the ones around here aren't usually the thriving hubs of quiet socialisation you might be looking for. You assure him there's beauty everywhere, and besides, you prefer the colder weather in Gotham.

"That suits me perfectly well, too."

Though the date gets a little awkward at times, with you worrying you've said too much and Victor worrying he hasn't said enough, you both settle into the dynamic. You complement each other, and that makes things go smoothly as you open up a little bit more as the night goes on.

Victor offers to walk you home, taking you along the river so you can embrace the cool breeze that comes off the water.

"I have to warm you though, I might not be able to warm you up if you get too cold."

You assure him that's absolutely fine, and that you wouldn't have it any other way.

#finnie writes #finnie1500

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sethmcbeth · 5 months ago

Text

MY CADAVER, A WIP SHORT STORY IM WRITING (cussing, adult scenarios btw)

My cadaver, WORK IN PROGRESS

-By: Seth.

I reflect upon my upbringing, all of the choices I made that just make me feel this overwhelming guilt. This overwhelming sense of “Avalon wouldn’t do this” or “what was I thinking “ not in a silly- self doubt way, but more in a way where I am afraid of how much control I have for myself. After-all, do I really know myself or am I just having a false sense of self. Was 7th grade me choosing to tell the whole class about how his mom plucks her nose hairs a reflection of my true personality, a reflection of how I would act if I had no shame? Or was it just a showing of immaturity and the embarrassment I feel from that memory is a sign of me maturing as I age?

“Avalon?”, a soft feminine voice spoke with concern as she placed a skinny hand on my broad shoulder. Grabbing the light grey jean jacket I was wearing. I regain consciousness in the passenger seat of her car. My legs decorated with basketball shorts and a dark green shirt was layered under my jacket. I shiver in the car, disoriented, or maybe it was because of the tall cup of vanilla ice cream I’m holding over my knee. I look up so see the bright street lights next to the shell parking lot we are parked at.

“Huh” My dumb, monotone voice shot back, looking straight at Harper’s eyes, you can tell from my numb stare alone that you could tell that I had no clue what was going on. My bottom lip hanging down with my jaw open, I blink a couple of times and then take a deep breath. There is a lingering anxious feeling in my round gut, a feeling of slight nausea and discomfort.

“Well?” Harper raised her voice, her tone was apparent that she was mildly upset or annoyed.

My eyes widen, a concerned expression shifts onto my face.

“Why are you raising your voice at me” I take a spoonful of my freezing ice cream and put it in my mouth.

“Are you going to answer my question?” Harper raises an eyebrow “or do you need me to repeat it?” She has a snotty, sarcastic overtone to her voice that I find displeasing,

“Look, man, I had no fucking clue that you asked a question in the first place” I scoff, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Who the fuck calls a lady like me “man”. You hang out with girls all of the time, do you call them that?!?” Harper shot back.

“Harper, it’s called being casual. And you, with your baggy lil peep shirt and compression shorts are not modest” I reply shrugging.“I’m sorry if I’m being mean. I was trying to joke around, please tell me what you were asking earlier though, I really do want to listen” I clarify, I did want to know what she had to say. And I felt bad because I was worried that I was being too mean.

“Whatever, I’m just going to ignore that” Harper paused, turning on the engine to her car. “I was just seeing if you were excited to spend the next two weeks at my place. I guess not for personal reassurance but to get away from your roommate you always bitch about”.

Avalon was right, I “bitch” about Finneas more than I’d like to admit.

“Yeah, I am” I chuckle, shoving more ice cream in my mouth.

“Well I’ll try to have a fun week. How about that” Harper rolls her eyes, I feel an overwhelming sense of not being able to do enough around her.

I don’t know if it’s a sign of me respecting her or if it was coming from me feeling like everything I do irritates her.

I roll down the window on my side to feel the cold midnight air, I place my cup of ice cream in the cupholder and drape my pale, hairy, relaxed arm outside the window as Harper puts the car in reverse and drives out of the shell parking lot.

“So, what do you like to listen to?” She scoffs, taking a hit from her vape. I give her an awful look, arching my eyes over my left shoulder.

“That’s the hardest question you could ask someone. Play anything, I don’t really give a fuck” I shrug but in reality, if she plays something I mildly dislike I will be very vocal about it. I’m not sitting through a 4 hour drive listening to country music.

Harper plugs in a radio modifier and connects Bluetooth from her phone to her car. She starts playing an artist that I’d safe to assume is arctic monkeys.

“Is this Arctic monkeys” I ask to get aggressively cut off.

“NO” Harper gives me a breathy laugh “it’s Tame Impala. Are you actually that stupid”

“I guess I am” I shrug it off “I don’t usually listen to this genre of music so I’m not big on it” I inform Harper.

“Well then what do you listen to” she questions, her voice has a playful ring to it as she spoke.

“I don’t really listen to music” I answer.

“How much of a boring person do you have to be to not listen to music often” she yells jokingly.

I lay back in my seat, my fingers interlock over my bellybutton as I exhale the thick air created by the car accelerating. The mood of the social situation becoming awkward and silent.

“If you had a celebrity crush, who would it be” Harper asked, trying to spark up a conversation.

“Uhh, I’d have to go with Megan fox” I didn’t have to think hard to answer that question “But I think she has to have horrible standards if she’s with Machine Gun Kelly . But she’s really hot so, that doesn’t matter.” I finish my thought.

“Wow. Well if you’re not going to say me I’m not going to say you” Harper jeers at me, I assume she was teasing me but it left me confused.

“Harper, you’re not a celebrity. I’m not a celebrity, so why would we say each other’s names if we were asked for our celebrity crushes”

I feel rubbed the wrong way by how easy it is for her to take things too seriously. I mean, we’ve only been dating for 4 days.

“Well do you want to hear mine”

“Uh sure” I try to act casual but in reality I am very curious as to what hers is. Mine is pretty basic. But I’m a pretty predictable guy in my opinion.

“My celebrity crush is Tsutomu Miyazaki” Harper said, focusing on the road.

“Huh!” I exclaimed “I’ve never heard of him before”

“I wouldn’t look it up.” Harper hesitated “Well it depends” Harper paused again before asking “Avalon, are you a freak”.

I look it up on my phone, the first thing my eyes read is serial killer before I yell out “Well not a freak for fucking serial killers Harper!”.

“Well luckily I’m just giving you shit!” Harper hesitated as she spoke.

Everything that was once a heated argument became bleak and silent as my face went red due to embarrassment.

“Well then what is your celebrity crush then” I interrogated, sipping at the melted ice cream at the top of my cup. Harper huffed, staring into the highway, only a wide triangle of visibility caused by the headlights of her car.

All I could think about is how I am in the middle of nowhere, next to this girl that I’ve known for 6 months. Yes, people can have trust towards others after that amount of time, but in the past I’ve never trusted someone after 6 months. Hell, I didn’t let my first girlfriend take my virginity till I was 21 years old. Some people would say that is “loser” behavior and to that I agree. However, I could’ve lost my virginity at the ripe age of 15 if I wanted to. I just find that kind of commitment disturbing, the thought that this person that I now trust could fuck me over at any given minute. This person, that I let have the responsibility of that grave memory in my head, now has to live with that and not destroy my life. I’m being dramatic, Harper isn’t going to destroy my life. She just thinks she’s “quirky” and “edgy” for having a crush on a glorified asshole. A fucking arrogant, vile, and selfish excuse for a human being. Maybe, she just never thought that way.

“Well thanks for letting to get to know you better I guess” I try to make her feel assured. Make her feel as though she’s safe with me. Because for sure I don’t feel safe with her.

“Wow” she scoffs, “Nice sarcasm” her voice has a tired, forced monotone feel to it as she spoke. I interpreted that as her poking fun at my failed attempt at making her feel better.

I start to scroll on my phone. I felt as though my Snapchat DMs would be the best distraction from the awkward drive. We had 2 hours left of the drive, I look at the time on my phone displayed as “2:30 AM”.

I closed my eyes, tossing in my seat to find the perfect spot for my head without breaking my neck. I feel a jolt of irritation as Harper turned up the stereo of her car.

“I need company please “ Harper put more emphasis on the please part as she spoke.

“I swear to god Harper if you don’t turn that down I will tuck and roll” I snapped back, grumbling and covering my face with my arms.

Harper turned down the music and I awaited for the best nap of my life.

Pt. 2 “Home”

I woke up slightly to her car pulling up to her duplex. I became confused, didn’t she say she had an apartment? Well, does it even matter? It looks nice, each half of the duplex roughly the size of a standard one story house.

“I’m excited to spend my vacation here in Chicago. I think we’ll have fun here Harper” I look up at her with slit, watering eyes. Pierced by her bright headlights reflecting on the white garage.

“I think we’ll have fun together “ Harper replied, giving me a sharp smile as we both exited the vehicle at the same time.

I remember very little of the rest of the morning except the sensory relief of laying down on her king sized, spring, mattress. I stole her whole blanket and wrapped around it like I was 5 again. I have no clue how she reacted because I passed out shortly afterwards.

I finally regain full consciousness at around 11:26 AM. I sprawled across her bed like a starfish dying on the hot pavement. I checked my phone to see a text message that read “Hey Lonnie, my uncle/ landlord Josh is in my side of the duplex from 11:00- 2:30. Please make sure he doesn’t find out you’re here. I’m assuming he’ll stay in the backyard though because he’s talking about my sprinklers. I put some mini bites on my dresser beside your head for the inconvenience”. The text message was from Harper. I look over to my right and as the text message said, there’s a bag of mini bites.

I’ve never had mini bites before, I sat up on the bed. Eager to try an artificial muffin, however Harper’s bed frame shook as I squirmed to get up. Footsteps that sounded like big stomps started to become louder. I’m petrified, my heart turning my chest into a human vibrator. “I just want my food man” I think to myself as I clench the bag of muffins to my chest.

The footsteps stop so in my completely rational head, I was in the clear. The stiff bag crinkled as I reach my scrawny fingertips inside. I look intensely in the bag, treating the inside like a claw machine game and my breakfast to be the prize. Right as my thumb and index finger meets a muffin, the door to Harper’s bedroom creaks open.

“Huh” A middle aged man huffed, making intense eye contact with me. I a 26 year old man, wrapped in Harper’s blanket. Staring intensely at the man I assume to be Josh, mid bite of a muffin.

“Sup” I reply whilst chewing.

“Why did my niece drag along a big man like you here” Josh says with an attitude, leaning himself against the doorframe. He’s rocking the black comb-over hair and a car-hart hoodie. He seems to have lived his best days, a prominent beer belly sticking out and a la croix suggests that.

“I’m not that big” I hesitate, trying to leave a good impression on him as to him not becoming defensive towards Harper.

“You know what I mean smart guy. You people from Chicago are always baby daddies. I don’t want my niece to be hit up by you and then I have to take care of it.” Josh continues ranting but all I can think about is how this is probably how most people think about me. I am dumbfounded to be reminded that most people think of me is a party going city boy with an epic penis.

“I’m not from Chicago I’m from Greenville if that makes you feel better. I just got here, Ive known Harper for about 6 months and she’s talked a lot about you. You’re Josh right?” I tried to dig myself out of the hole I formed by trying to eat my breakfast.

“Oh, Greenville! I known some guys from Greenville. Humble people for sure” Josh lends out a hand for me to shake and I shake his hand. “Yeah it’s Josh” Josh confirmed.

“My names Avalon but I guess people call me Lonnie now!” I smile, grateful that I can finally eat my breakfast.

“Man is the only thing I care about food, maybe Josh had a point” I visualized myself in the mirror without a shirt on. My ribs poking through my skin and the scars under my pecks. What was I thinking about, I am the definition of small. Him calling me “big guy” should’ve been affirming, why am I taking such offense to this?

I continue wondering whilst listening to Josh’s lecture about his experiences in Greenville. I found his stories way more engaging and interesting than life back at home. But what do I know, all I do back at home is work at the DMV and sleep.

“Well It’s a nice time meeting you. What was it again? Rhonnie?” Josh stammered, obviously not having a good memory.

“It’s Lonnie” I corrected.

“Oh-oh I’m so sorry, call me uncle Josh for now. I have to go back to the backyard”. Josh had a southern esque drawl to his voice.

“It’s ok!” I affirm as he walks away from the door frame.

“Well at least that obstacle is resolved” I think to myself as I continue eating my mediocre muffins. For such an interesting person Harper is, I tend to enjoy Josh’s rural company. He seems like a sweet guy who is protective of his niece.

“Hey your uncle likes me” I text Harper to no reply. “Im excited for you to come back, I miss you love” I double text. I wonder why Harper left me alone in her house without giving me any heads up the day prior. Maybe she didn’t give any thought to it on the drive.

55 minutes of no reply and complete silence passes me by. I wave of anxiety punched me in my stomach, I dialed her phone number and held it to my ear. “Please pick up” is all that goes through my head.

“Avalon, Avalon” Harper’s voice picks up, her out of breath. “I went clubbing without you because I was bored. I’m so sorry please forgive me. I thought I’d be back by 7:00 but this guy slashed my tires and is following me. It’s the same guy, I think there’s like three other guys too, I need you Lonnie.”

“Hold the fuck up” I cut Harper off, “Where are you, I don’t care that you did that right now I want to make sure you’re ok”

“Well that’s good, I’m just at my sister’s house starting her car. I lied as a test, I just like to hear you being defensive of me, It’s really attractive .” Harper teased but I wasn’t buying it.

“Oh well” I paused briefly “I’m glad you’re

Ok” I gave her what she wanted to hear but in reality, I was really upset. In my past relationships this has never happened, well I guess this is my first relationship with a girl. “Maybe girls are like this” I questioned myself “What the actual fuck am I thinking. I’m exactly what women fear now huh. I bet little 12 year old Nevaeh would look at Avalon and be in disgust to see what I become.” I rant in my head, questioning what’s real and what’s not about me.

“Maybe I’m the one lying to Harper and this is what I deserve. I’m not a homosexual, I’m a catfish. A major catfish, after 6 months she doesn’t know the biggest part of me. The reason why I don’t have contact with my family. The reason why I cling to her like she’s the last person I have left. Because she is, and I’m scared if she knew how much of a fraud she was dating, she’d leave me like everyone else. The only way to show her I’m not a fraud is to tell her as soon as possible” I came to the conclusion I had to come out to her today, after 5 days of being together. I get up and sit on the couch of her living room, putting on a sitcom on her mounted television to pass the suspenseful time easier.

Harper opens the front door and walks right into the living room. “Hey, I’m sorry about all of that. Chris’s jeep broke down” Harper chuckled “That’s a first” she replied to her previous statement.

“You know how you were vulnerable earlier today” I hesitated “well I need to tell you something important. I should’ve told you this before we started dating but I was scared that I’d lose you like everyone else Harper. “

“It’s ok if you’re into feet Lonnie” Harper joked.

“No it’s a little more personal Harper” I give a serious expression to Harper. “Harper, I unconditionally love you, I hope I will have it in return. Throughout my whole life I never had unconditional love. Well I thought I had it before everyone found out.” I look at the carpet and thought of what to say next as Harper sat down and put her manicured hand on my shoulder. I was slightly distracted by her gigantic keychain collection she was holding in her right hand.

“Harper, I was born a woman” I look into Harper’s false lashes intensely as I spoke. Her makeup done flawlessly, better than my attempts. Her hair put up into a messy bun and her sparkly tank top drooping as she relaxed her posture to reassure me.

“Lonnie!?! It’s ok!” She had a concerned tone to her voice as I showed her my scarred chest. She clicked her pink nails a couple of times before gesturing me to give her a big hug.

“Well do you have a vagina or what?” Her question made me heavily uncomfortable. My emotions spiraling due to the comfort of her arms and the absurdity of her comments.

“I do” My reply was quiet and took too long.

“Well I guess we’re twinning, it’s ok bae I can be Bi- curious sometimes” Harper teased.

“Does she think I’m a girl, because obviously I don’t look the part” My mind started spiraling.

“I need to use the restroom” I demanded as I gently nudged her arms off of me.

Pt 3 Cadaver.

TW:

Self mutilation

Rape

Gore

Immense grief

Sexuality

-Cussing

-mild discussion of genitalia