#ralph timewasters fluff

[busyralph]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

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Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, established relationship, 18+ (MINORS DNI), protected sex (p in v), fingering (f receiving)

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: When we last left the Busy Streets and Busy Lives universe, you’d been considering getting a new job now that you’ve moved into Ralph’s house with him. But part of starting a new job means having to make a good impression, letting your work speak for you. And in prioritising that, you’ve been a little neglectful of your own desires, as well as somebody else’s…

A/N: God, I missed writing these idiots. Just a quick, smutty lil thing because I didn't know how to jump back in lmao. Not all epilogues will be smutty, but a bitch has needs too, y'know.

(Also, in case you haven't seen yet, don't worry, this is @quinnkeerys themself lol, I just made this blog to keep bsbl alive :))

Ralph knocks tentatively on the door to the room that you’ve converted into your new office as you rest your temples on the heels of your hands and growl in frustration at your laptop. You look over your shoulder and your face softens into a smile. “God, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” you smile wearily as he approaches you.

“How goes your latest project, my love?” He asks, draping his arms over you and peppering kisses along your cheek.

“Take a wild guess,” you scoff, shaking your head. “I get that I left the shop because I wanted a challenge, but my god, at what cost?”

“A job far more stimulating than the same old, same old? One that’s closer to where we live now?” Ralph suggests, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and breathing deeply. “You’ve been at your desk an awful long time, darling. Perhaps you could take a break?”

You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head. “Can’t. Gotta stay on task.”

Ralph frowns. “Something ails you. Something other than the job at hand.” His thumbs start to rub circles into your back, his fingers working your shoulders. “You’re stressing yourself out far too much, dearest. You’ll make yourself ill, and you’ll be far worse off for it.”

You allow yourself a fraction of a second to lean into his touch before bringing yourself back to reality. “Look, I just - I made a good first impression and I really need to keep it up.”

“Your work will suffer from your stress, too,” Ralph points out. “And I miss you terribly.”

“Ralph…” you coo, moving a hand up to ghost over one of his as he continues massaging your shoulders. "Miss you, too."

"Take a break," Ralph repeats, a little more deliberation in his tone, swivelling you around in your chair. "Come with me." You take the hand he extends to you and stand to let him guide you to the bedroom. You give him a look, one that's about to tease him for having one thing on the brain, but instead he ignores it to ask you, "Would you lay down on your stomach?" as he presents the bed to you.

"What are you trying to do to me, Penbury?" You ask slyly as you clamber onto the bed, burying half your face into the pillows.

"Just trying to look after you, my treasure," he simpers, kneeling beside you to resume massaging your shoulders. "Help you… Slow things down, for a night."

You lift your head. "A whole night? Ralph, I -" He gently shushes you back into silence, working your shoulders and neck until you melt back into the plush of your bed. "Mmm, this is a dangerous skill you've got," you smile defeatedly. "How long have you been hiding this?"

"I must admit, I am aware of its… Effect," you can hear the proud little smile in Ralph's voice. "Which is why I only wanted to share it with you when necessary, and not a moment sooner. Just relax, darling," he purrs as he moves his hands to instead slide beneath your shirt, working the supple flesh of your back.

"God, Ralph, that feels so good," you drawl, completely becoming one with the mattress.

"I bet it does, my love," that same tone that tells you he's smiling proudly returns. "Just feel my fingers pressing into you, pushing all of that horrible tension away. For tonight, at least, it shall no longer consume you, my beloved."

His hands move lower and lower, until they're pressing just where the curve of your ass begins. Your hips wiggle involuntarily at the thought of Ralph caressing your ass, and you can't catch the automatic whimper that leaves your throat when his hands slide back up again. "Ralph…" you moan softly.

"Yes, love? Would you like me to…?" He doesn't say it, but his hands make their way down your bare back and then over your clothed cheeks. He slides his palms over your curves and only grips once he's at your thighs. "Is this where you need me?"

"I don't think the clothes are helping," you smirk, and he takes heed, tapping on your hips to silently ask you to lift them as he slowly undresses your lower half. Once your legs are completely bare, he gets to work again, massaging your feet, your ankles, up your legs to your thighs. Not saying a word, but humming in the most delectable way the whole time. 

As he caresses your ass, pressing and squeezing and grabbing in ways that have you chirping and squealing in excitement, Ralph coos, "There's part of you that I've yet to touch, darling." He moves one hand to grip the very topmost part of your inner thigh, ghosting his thumb up across your folds. "Would you l-"

"Yes," you interject hastily. "God, yes, Ralph, please touch me there," you whine, and his face lifts into a soft, warm smile.

"As you wish, my love. Though it would probably be more fruitful for you to lay on your back for that."

It feels like a chore, bringing yourself out of such a relaxed stupor just to flip yourself over, but you undress your top half in the process, too. Once you're comfortable again, and Ralph starts to get back into position, you stop him. "I think you need your shirt off, too, Ralphie."

A small, playful smirk adorns his face. "Would that help you to relax?"

You nod earnestly. "Most definitely." Amused, Ralph slips out of the quarter-zip he'd been wearing, his smile even bigger as you silently encourage him to also take off the T-shirt he'd been wearing underneath.

Once it's off, before you can try and convince him of any more, he bends down to kiss you. His hand strokes at your jaw until it opens to allow your tongue to meet with his. This kiss is different though - it's not a wild and fiery tango within your mouths; it's a slow, deliberate, controlled waltz that Ralph is definitely leading. The hums you fill the kiss with turn into full-blown moans when he reaches his hands down to grope both of your breasts.

He continues to massage them while kissing you for some time, before moving down silently to start kissing your neck, down the valley of your breasts, until his lips latch around one of your nipples. Despite your head being clouded with arousal, you still can't fight off a smile as Ralph still finds a way to include his favourite form of affection.

You prop yourself up on your elbow to watch him, playing with the loose curls that fall against his forehead as you smirk, "You really like it there, huh, baby?" He chirps happily, letting one go with a satisfyingly wet pop before moving to suckle on the other. He looks up at you adoringly, humming delightfully as his mouth caresses your sensitive nub. "So good to me," you purr.

He kisses further down your body, smattering the expanse of your tummy with soft, sweet pecks. He crawls backwards as he keeps kissing lower and lower down your body, until he naturally falls into place between your legs. His mouth wraps around your clit as he effortlessly sinks two fingers inside of you. You keen against him, whining loudly. Ralph's cheeks dust your thighs as he smiles, "That's it, my darling. Empty yourself of all other thoughts. It's just you and me. And I live to satisfy you."

"Mmm, y'go… Above and beyond that, Ralphie," you drawl, your hips squirming against him. "Shit, baby, m'g'nna… Gonna cum…"

"Oh, please do," Ralph begs as he curls his fingers, rubbing your clit with his thumb at the same time in such a way that you’re climaxing over his hand in seconds; overwhelmingly so, you feel it shooting through your nervous system, followed by a weighted feeling of pure calm, relaxing every one of those nerves.

As you recover, you hear him noisily and delightfully sucking his fingers clean. With a soft smile, you tap his head and gesture for him to move up to be face level with you. He practically pounces back up and immediately kisses you, his dry hand splaying across your cheek. You chuckle against his lips, “How did you know that’s what I wanted from you?”

“I was simply acting upon my own impulse,” he grins back. “Any reciprocation is just a bonus.”

“Speaking of reciprocating…” You start, looking him in the eyes suggestively as your fingers trace routes between each of the freckles along his chest and shoulders, committed to muscle memory by this point. Ralph’s brow furrows, and you allow yourself a quiet, breathy laugh. “I know, I know, you wanted to relax me and not the other way around, but if you wanted to keep me distracted…”

“How do you want me, darling?” He asks, hurriedly shimmying out of the rest of his clothes before reaching for the nightstand. He scrambles to grab a condom and slides it on with ease, looking over at you in anticipation.

"I don’t care how,” you shake your head. “Only as long as you want it, too, not just for me," your eyebrows knit with concern, and he smiles warmly down at you.

"Darling, I assure you that the day I would not want for you, is the day I should be put down like an old dog."

"Ralph!" You giggle as he starts to kiss your neck. 

“Shhh, just relax,” he soothes, gently shushing between pecks. “Empty your mind again. Let me take care of you.” You nod, and he reaches down to line himself up with you.

You smirk up at him, reaching up to play with his hair, “My Ralphie already hard for me?”

He whines out an mm-hm. “Missed touching you like this… Being so close to you, again…”

“’M sorry, baby,” you pout. “I promise I’ll make more time for you.”

You feel his tip barely penetrating you and inhale deeply, basking in the anticipation of feeling Ralph inside of you again, but he stops to look up at you again. “Promise for you, also.” You look at him quizzically, and he elaborates. “Promise you’ll make time for you, as well.”

Your face melts into a warm smile. "Yes, Ralph. I promise I'll do better at looking after myself."

His whole expression lights up as he presses himself inside of you, and he revels in watching your entire self form a puddle beneath him. He anchors his fists into your sheets deeply as he feels your walls clench over his cock, and buries his face into your neck again. “My darling,” he whines, “please forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” you frown. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” He replies hurriedly, still muffled from where his head is sunk. “I just… I think I might… Not last as long as I’d hoped to please you for.”

You fall into a soft laughter as you run your fingers back and forth through his curls. “Don’t worry, baby,” you coo. “The way you’ve taken care of me tonight, I won’t, either.” You let out a long, stuttered gasp as his hips snap against yours. “Fuck, especially if you keep hitting that spot.”

His lips turn up into a small smile as he pulls back to push himself in faster. “Did you mean that one, by chance?” he teases.

You mewl, “God, yes, Ralph, please don’t stop.”

“Not to worry, darling, I don’t plan to,” he smirks as he keeps fucking into you. Your fingers dig into his shoulders, your heels into his back as you feel your second climax quickly building.

You hum out, “Mmm, Ralph… Close, again… Are you?”

“I shan’t be far behind you, I’m sure,” he coos, reaching between you to rub at your clit. Your field of vision fills with spots of colour as he gets you to your second apex. The first one had felt more like a sea of calm washing over you; this one is a final spark of pleasure, an explosion from your core to the very tips of your fingers and toes. Ralph presses his forehead against yours as he thrusts into you one final time.

You stay there, foreheads touching, breathing in each others’ air for a good few minutes before Ralph finally pulls himself out of you. “I’ll be right back, darling,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead, another to your nose and a final one to your lips before going to the bathroom to clean up.

He soon returns to the bedroom, though not before hunting through his drawers to find a sweater he knows you’ll find comfortable. Tired, you muse with a small smirk, “Not even giving me my most favourite one?” as you pull it over your head.

“Apologies, darling, but I had promised Alex I’d wear it to work tomorrow. Apparently they have a similar one in red and there’s something of a match, there,” he throws his T-shirt and boxers back on before climbing back into bed with you and wrapping you in an embrace. “And besides, you’d only perspire and make yourself uncomfortable.”

You roll over in his arms with a grin. “Please take so many photos of you both as human versions of the Cookie Monster and Elmo.”

“I’m sure we will, darling,” he smiles sleepily, kissing your forehead once more before you curl yourself up to nestle your head in the crook of his neck.

“Thank you for tonight,” you pipe up. “And I’m… Sorry I’ve been neglecting us both.”

“Don’t be,” he soothes. “I understand. But I hope now you understand the importance of taking a break.”

“When you make it so appealing, how could I not?” You smile against his skin, pressing more kisses to his neck as he squeezes you tighter. “But you’re right. I’ll make more time for us. And not just for this, for… Everything. I miss living life with you.”

“Well, thankfully, I do plan on living the rest of my life with you, so what’s a day or two here and there?” he smiles into your hair, and you can’t help but laugh.

“You’re so corny sometimes, you know that?” You ask lightly, squeezing your arms around him.

“You remind me constantly, dear,” he agrees with a soft laugh lilting his own tone, too. 

“Good job I love you, isn’t it?” you tease. “Goodnight, Ralphie.”

“Good night, my love. Pleasant dreams.”

[piastrinorris]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

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Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, drug content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 10.6k

A/N: 5½ months. 12 chapters. 107,600 words. All for a silly little idea I threw at my friends in a discord server. Thank you for being here. <3

Also, there's a part in this that's VERY reminiscent of a certain photo that released today. (spoiler alert, it's in the chapter card lol) I swear, I wrote that almost a week ago and the video just HAD to drop today of all days, DIDN'T IT. If Joseph Quinn is in my walls, please get him out of there. That's not a safe environment for him.

“Right, so, hang about…” Connor holds his hands out in front of him, moving one out to the side as if physically placing events into a timeline. “So, back in 192-whatever, Ralph meets Nick and that lot, who we went to school with, who have… Travelled through fucking time,” he sounds exhausted just at that phrase. You nod, and he moves his hand to continue, “Ralph falls head over heels for Little Lauren. That works about as well as anybody would expect,” he raises his eyebrows at Ralph, who shies away a little. “And Ralph joins the Army.”

“French Foreign Legion, to be exact,” Ralph pipes up.

“French Foreign Whatever, yeah,” Connor nods, moving his hand again. “He hates it, he runs away back home, he ends up meeting Homeless Pete.”

“Wait!” Grace’s boyfriend suddenly shouts, waving his hands around and making everyone jump. He points to Ralph. “That’s why your name’s always been in the back of my head! You lived in the fucking Waterstones building?!” Ralph nods. “So, you were filthy stinking rich, and you left that?!”

“Well, I… I may have left out some details about… I may have… Sort of given up most of my material possessions to Laur- the other Lauren,” he gestures to Connor’s girlfriend, who makes an expression that shows Ralph she understands that she’s not who he’s talking about. “Um, before I had left. Well, after I had left for the Army, but before I… Ended up here.”

“You were really down bad, weren’t you, mate?” Connor asks, cocking his head, and Ralph cowers back into his seat.

“Yes, well. That’s all well into the past now. Ninety-seven years in the past, to be exact!”

“Fucking mental,” Scott says under his breath. “Anyway, Connor, keep going with your…” He waves his hands in front of him.

“Yeah, so, you’ve not got nothing, Lauren rejected you and you still left her everythi- God, how did you survive without us?!” Connor shakes his head. “So you bump into H.P., who brings you to our time. You get rescued,” he gestures to you, “and…”

“Can I ask,” Scott’s partner raises a finger, looking at you. “What made you take him in, then?”

You look at Ralph and shrug. “I dunno, look at him! Who’d say no to that face?” You squish his cheeks in one hand, to his indignation, and you hear the soft laughs of your friends. “But… Yeah. Once I’d found H.P. and gotten as much of an explanation as I’ll ever get out of him, it was just… So much to wrap my head around. And I couldn’t just leave Ralph to the streets, he’d get killed!” Ralph suddenly looks very fearful, grabbing a cushion to hug to his chest. “And then next thing I knew, he was setting off alarms in the flat on his first day there, so I couldn’t exactly leave him home alone, so I had to bring him with me to Anna’s that night. I barely had the time to text you lot in advance, I couldn’t exactly leave you a voice note saying “by the way, time travel exists and I’m bringing a man who was born in the Victorian era, see you at 7!” And then the days were getting ahead of me, and I couldn’t even make any sense of it myself, let alone trying to teach any of you about it, either.”

“So, what, does he have to go back at any point? To like, restore the fragile balance of the time-space continuum or whatever sci-fi nonsense this actually proves?” Grace asks.

“Well, we thought so, and that’s why we were always so vague about him “going home”,” you explain. “But then, after Brighton, he almost - he could’ve gone home, and by all we knew back then, he should’ve -” You don’t see Ralph wince in pain at that word. “- but H.P. tol- well, told,” you hold up your fingers as air quotes, “Ralph that since the others had never returned to their own time, without consequence, he decided to stick around.” You smile comfortingly at him and he reaches out to hold your hand.

“Easily the best decision I’ve ever made,” he smiles back. “Staying with you, well, all of you!” He looks around the room. “I truly… I cannot put into words how deeply it hurt to omit the truth from you all for so long, but… Well, everything just seemed to be going so well for me, for once, and I feared that… To let that slip, I might… Lose you all,” he lets go of you to wring his hands in his lap. “Entirely selfish of me, I completely understand if you all think differently of me, now -”

Anna interjects with a sympathetic, “You’d have to do a lot worse to get rid of all of us.”

“Yeah, you’re the one stuck with us, Ralphie!” Scott jokes.

“I mean…” Lauren starts, pausing for a moment. Ralph’s face goes on an emotional journey of potential heartbreak, fearing he’s lost one of his best friends. Lauren remains stoic as she finally continues, “Yeah, it’s pretty shit that pretty much the foundation of why we’re friends is a lie.”

“Literally the only thing that Ralph and I kept quiet was the whole time travel thing, because, well, it still sounds stupid saying those words out loud,” you shake your head. “But everything else, it’s all been pure Ralph. Nothing else is based off any lies, it was just to… I mean, what would you have done if he’d have told you that night you met him, that he’d got here by getting in a lift with an old man in 1926 and ended up in 2022?!”

“I’d think he was off his tits,” Lauren admits in a quiet voice, much to Ralph’s confusion. “Yeah, alright, I guess, it’s… It’s complicated, innit?”

“Tell me about it,” you reply, exhausted, and the others laugh.

“It is a bit shit,” Connor acknowledges Lauren and then the pair of you. “But we’d all probably have done something similar. I mean, fuck me, I’d probably have left him with H.P. and let him be someone else’s problem. Good job I never found you first, eh!” Connor’s light-hearted smile falters at Ralph’s fearful look.

“Again, I completely understand if any of you feel duped into being my friend and wish to use your own agency to - just, please, direct all of your disappointment towards me and not -” 

“Ralphie, babes, we’re saying we get it. Kinda. I dunno, this is all messing with my head a bit,” Grace blows out a breath, and everyone makes general noises of agreement. “But of course we still wanna be friends with you, you big nelly!”

“Yeah, we love teaching you words and things you’d never know. Now that we know why, we can teach you way more!” Scott’s eyes glisten mischievously.

“I mean, I know I’m the one who technically turned you into a bit of a Swiftie, but I’m not letting go of that any time soon,” Anna jokes, which causes Ralph to finally let out a small laugh. “And besides, whose head am I gonna pat without you around?!”

“I never meant to deceive you all,” Ralph says quietly.

“We know,” Connor reassures in the same tone, “but you didn’t really trick us into anything. And hey, it could’ve been worse. I’d rather you were a secret time traveller than a secret serial killer!”

Ralph finally lets himself smile at Connor, who returns it. He sits up a little more confidently. “I can’t tell you what a relief it will be to never have to worry about what I say anymore!”

“I mean, still, this information can’t leave the people in this room,” you explain, gesturing around to everyone. “There’s all sorts of legalities that I’ve never been able to figure out, like a passport,” you gesture to Connor and Lauren, “or setting him up with a bank account, or medical stuff -”

“I mean, surely there’s people out there who were never registered at birth or whatever, right? Maybe we just play Ralph off as one of those?” Anna asks.

“Maybe. But who do we say he is? If we call him a Penbury, as in we try and say that he’s his own relative, his last technical record from 1926 is that he enlisted, went MIA and was presumed dead,” you shrug.

“Shit, yeah, your mum does all that stuff, doesn’t she? Have a look, see what his sister’s stuff says, maybe we can sneak him in that way,” Scott leans in, and everyone else starts shuffling closer, too.

Ralph, having been sat dumbfounded for several minutes, finally finds his voice. “Sorry, but now I’m the one who’s rather lost. So… Not only are none of you ousting me, you’re planning to deceive the law for me?!”

“Yeah, didn’t you hear Anna earlier? You’re family,” Connor smiles affectionately at him, and Ralph’s ears turn pink as his lower lip trembles.

You log into your mum’s ancestry account and once again look up Ralph’s name, your eyes going wide when you see the name next to him. “Okay, so Victoria’s got about six surnames, so I’m sure we can slip you in there somewhere,” you shake your head. Having only looked at his census before, you look through the data they have on Ralph and gasp loudly. Everyone’s gaze snaps to you as you flip your phone over to show them a photo of Ralph, dated February 1926, looking exactly how you remember he did the day you met him, dressed head to toe in Army uniform.

“Oh, you could totally say that you’d been digging up family stuff and you think you’re a dead ringer for… How many generations back would that be?” Anna asks.

You count on your fingers, “Okay, so 1901… Let’s say 30 years per generation, that’s like 3 to get to you being around our age… Which would make OG Ralph your potential… Great-grandpa.” You grimace at the same realisation that Connor and Scott come to, as they point and laugh at you.

“You’re dating someone old enough to be your -”

“He’s twenty-six! Please don’t make me think of it any other way!” You wince, making everyone laugh. “Three generations of unregistered babies is a bit of a stretch…” You shake your head. “Let’s just table this for now. He’s not going anywhere for the time being, are you?” You turn to ask Ralph, who violently shakes his head, still blinking his tears away. “There we go. So, let’s just let everything… Sink in, for now. And we’ll keep thinking of what to do in the long run.”

Ralph hugs everyone goodbye extra tightly. You offer an extra apology to all of your friends, yourself, but they all echo the earlier sentiments that they would have done the same if they were in such a predicament. That they probably would have talked you out of keeping Ralph fugitive for as long as you have. That, if anything, they’re grateful you never gave them the chance to advise you, because if you’d listened to them, none of you would have him in your lives, and one thing everyone in the room agrees on is that life’s been far better with him in it. You have to practically frog-march Ralph out of the door as he starts getting misty-eyed again.

Once you and Ralph are laying in bed, you cuddle up to him, wrapping your arm around his torso. “How you feeling, now?”

“I can’t feel much less than spectacular with you in my arms, my love,” Ralph smiles as he holds you even closer to him.

“Not just all the mushy stuff, you big sap,” you tease. “I mean, like, having to tell everyone.”

“Ah. Yes, well. That went far better than I ever imagined,” he admits softly.

“Wanna admit now that you mean a hell of a lot more to people now that you’ve found the right ones?” You look up at him with a grin.

He squeezes his arm around you to prompt you into leaning up to kiss him. Once you break away from him, he sighs happily. “I suppose, it’s a comfort to know what real friendship is supposed to feel like.”

“Exactly. You don’t give up on the right people. And you’re our right person,” you nuzzle into his neck and he buries his face in your hair.

“That sentiment is more than mutual. Goodnight, my love. Pleasant dreams.“

“Night, Ralphie. Love you, too.”

The next morning, you and Ralph both have the day off, a rare occurrence that you’re extra grateful for today. Of course, you’d love to spend it doing more of what you’d been doing just yesterday, but you’d rather be extra safe and get Ralph some protection, as well as your own birth control. And you needed to go into town for some other things, anyway. You decide to take Ralph with you, though - mostly, so that you can coach him into being able to buy his own condoms without spontaneously combusting on the spot.

Ralph wants to ask his boss something, too, so you head to the old high street where his shop is. While you do love his colleagues, you know that Babs will insist on you two staying for a cup of tea. And then another. And then she’s made you lunch. And then you’re spending your whole day off at Ralph’s workplace. Which honestly, has been fun when it’s happened before, but you do have things on your personal agenda today. And then when they’re done…

You wave to Babs through the shop window when you hear some vaguely familiar voices approaching.

“Nah, bruv, I think your mate Pete got his maths all mixed up, this ain’t when we left here.”

“Maybe we’re in whatever year he just wanted to come back to.”

“Nah, mate, I told him, clear as mud: take us back to the present day.”

“Okay, but Jase, you do realise we’ve travelled back and forth between multiple decades since -”

“Shhh, shut the fuck up, someone’s right there! We should just ask them.”

“Fantastic idea, sis. What do you want to do, rock right up and say, ‘Hello, completely normal and unaware person. Could you, for no strange reason whatsoever, happen to tell me what year it is?’?!”

You’d most certainly know that voice anywhere. Looking over at your high school crush, you smirk at Nicholas, his sister and his friends as you tell him, “March 15th, 2023.”

All four of them look incredulously at you. You can see some cogs turning behind their eyes until, finally, Jason shouts your name out. You grin and nod at him, and he yells, “Fuckin’ ’ell! How the fuck are you?!”

“Yeah, I’m alright. Still kicking about, you know how it is. What about you lot? You must’ve been… Busy.”

“Yeah! Yeah, um… Quick question, how did you…?” Nicholas starts, but pauses, trying to think of how to articulate himself.

After a few seconds, Lauren scoffs, “How’d you know to tell us what the date is so calm, like?”

“Well…” You singsong in a high-pitched tone as the door to the costume shop swings open again. Ralph emerges, to a series of shocked gasps.

“Fucking hell, doesn’t he look the spit image of -”

“Yeah, if you just slick his hair right down, and put him in a bow tie and a straw hat, I reckon - Here, you wouldn’t happen to have a great-grandad or something called Ralph, would you?”

“Wait!” Lauren shouts, holding her hands out. She studies Ralph intricately, who looks as though he’s still processing the sight in front of him. “You look just like Ralph, but all modern-like…” She points to him, and then to you. “And you know that we’ve been… In a different time…” She sticks her head out and squints her eyes back at Ralph. “Are you -?” He nods, still stunned into a wide-eyed silence.

Horace raises his arms in an excited greeting. “Ralph! My boy! We thought you’d died!” He pulls him into a hug that sweeps him off his feet. Ralph hangs against Horace’s body as though he were a ragdoll, his face still bewildered. “Let me take a good look at you,” he says as he puts Ralph down, before letting out a single cackle. “Ha, look at you! Look at this jacket, these chains! You’re a proper modern man, ain’t ya, with your sunglasses and your - How’ve you been, what you been up to?!”

“How did you get here?!” Nick asks in disbelief. You recap very quickly how Ralph found Pete - deliberately redacting that he’d attempted to return home to them - and ended up here, where you’d found him and taken him in.

Just as you finish explaining, someone approaches you with an, “Excuse me?” They tap your arm, but lean around you to look at Ralph and nod with a smile, “I thought that was him! Ralph from Twitter, right? Oh my god, I wish my phone hadn’t died, or I’d so ask for a selfie with you!”

Four confused faces look over at Ralph, but you wave the stranger off with a, “Not to worry! I can take one on his phone for him to tweet, if you want? And then you can save it for yourself when you’re home?”

“Oh my god, would you? That’s so sweet! Thank you!” They gush before posing for a photo with him. You quickly get their Twitter handle to include in his tweet, and wave them off as they walk away with a spring in their step.

“What was all that, then?” Jason asks with amusement. “Ralph from Twitter?!”

“Long story. I never told my friends Ralph was from the 1920s, so they thought anyone his age should be on Twitter by now. He kept tweeting inane shit that he thought he was Googling, people found it hilarious, and now he’s sort of social media famous,” you explain with a shrug, to everyone’s laughter.

Lauren looks Ralph up and down, not unlike the way Ralph looks at you, and rubs her hands together. “Famous, eh? I like the sound of that. Sounds like we’ve got some catching up to do, eh, Ralph?”

You feel rage burn through you at the audacity that Lauren has, clearly only interested in Ralph for a chance at fame herself. At how she could so outwardly come for your man - though, granted, Ralph’s been too shellshocked to make that much clear.

You, yourself, start to freeze up as you look over at him. What if this is it? The validation he’d been craving for so long? A second chance at the love he’d felt so strongly about losing, he’d fled the country. If he was willing to risk losing it all after having his heart broken, what else would he be willing to lose to win her back?!

Finally, after what feels like an eternity of silence, Ralph takes a deep breath in. “I don’t think there’s anything more to be caught up on.” He holds your arm to smile warmly at you, “You captured everything perfectly, darling,” before leaning in to kiss you. Jason and Horace hoot and holler, while Lauren makes a disgusted face.

“Fair enough. Rather you than me, anyway, I’d probably get sick of him after a while,” she sneers.

“Good job I won’t, then, eh!” You flash a sickly sweet grin at her as you wrap your arms around one of Ralph’s, hugging it tightly.

“Looks like you really are out of a shot, mate,” Jason grins at Nick, who shoves him.

“Give over, that was -” he flusters, and you laugh, which he sighs at. “Okay, well, so as to explain myself and not sound like a complete lunatic, I, uh… Might have had a bit of a thing for you in school, but I was always too chicken to do anything about it. And even though that was years ago at this point, apparently I’m not allowed to live it down,” he forces a smile on his face, making you laugh harder.

“If it’s any consolation, that was mutual, by the way,” you smirk. You feel Ralph tense under your grip and bury your head against his bicep. “But I don’t think it was meant to be, in the end.”

“God, can you imagine, in another universe, it would’ve been you and Nick, Jase and Victoria, and Lauren and Ralph!” Horace laughs before faltering. “But then who’s left for me?”

You shake your head. “What are you lot planning on doing in terms of living somewhere?”

“Dunno, we brought some stuff over from different time periods in the hopes we could make some big money off some antique dealers,” Nick gestures to the bags they’d placed on the ground while talking to you.

“Good luck, things have changed a lot in the last, what’s it been, six years for you? Yeah, the housing market’s a fucking nightmare,” you shake your head.

“Paying over a thousand pounds a month to live in a shoebox, I ask you,” Ralph mutters under his breath in disgust. You shoot him an offended glance and he simpers back, “But I’d live in a matchbox if it meant living with you, my love.” You grin back, angling your cheek for him to kiss it, to more retching sounds from Lauren. 

“Well, I was wondering if we could chance our luck with Ralph’s place, but seeing as though our only way in would be claiming Jason’s son left it to us in his will, when he’d be older than us in this time…” Nick shakes his head, and you and Ralph look incredulously at him.

“Sorry, what?! Ralph’s place?! You mean the big fuck-off mansion they lived in? That’s a Waterstone’s now, and even if it was, there’s no way you’d afford a place like that -”

The others look at you in confusion. “Victoria told us that the house was destroyed in an air raid,” Nick explains slowly.

You shake your head, pointing towards the bookstore. “Go look for yourself, plaque’s still there, and everything. She ended up spending all the Penbury fortune, went flat broke.”

“Explains a lot,” Lauren mutters under her breath.

“Yes, well, anyway!” Jason raises his hands up, as well as his voice. “I’m on about the one that Victoria ended up getting when he di- well, ‘died’, I guess,” Jason holds up air quotes over the word ‘died’. You both stand there in stunned silence, so he explains, “Vic said she found a letter from your dad, before the place got bombed, or… Whatever the fuck actually happened to it, it doesn’t matter, now. The letter was meant to go to his lawyer but I guess he never got to give it to him before… Well,” he gestures, and you both nod in understanding. “Anyway, so in this letter your dad had written, it said that he’d bought an extra place, for if you were to ever go off to war and want a place to come back that was all your own,” he gestures to Ralph, who swallows hard.

“Father bought… Bought me a house?!” He asks, stunned.

“He wrote some bullshit in there about how it might help you start a family and keep the Penbury name intact, that your… ‘pursuit of a wife would be easier if you already had a place of your own’,” Jason pulls a face and shakes his head.

Ralph nods in understanding, pressing his lips together with a faltering, “Now that sounds like Father.”

“So, when you ‘died’, Vic claimed that she had the right to inherit that house, and that’s where we lived. And, um… I sort of… Gave you a nephew?” Jason smiles weakly at Ralph. “But he went off and started his life elsewhere, and fuck knows what happened to him.”

“Hmm, I thought I could maybe blag our way into claiming that Jase is entitled to inherit it, too, because of the family name, but I doubt it, if JJ never came back for it. I seriously doubt Victoria’s still going,” he shakes his head. “Never mind, we’ll just start flogging this stuff and go from there. Anyway! Insane to see both of you, together, at the same time, but, y’know. Glad to see you’re both well, now.” Nick smiles at you both, and you nod.

“Good to see you guys, too! Helps put things at ease that the whole time travelling thing doesn’t make the universe implode on itself.” They laugh, and you look over at the building next to you before nudging Ralph. “Hey, they could probably try selling some of their stuff to your shop, couldn’t they?”

“There’d be no harm in trying,” Ralph agrees. “Though I should warn you, the owner is a tad… Eccentric.”

Lauren scoffs, “Fuck me, if Ralph’s calling someone eccentric, they must be a raving fucking lunatic!” She picks up one of the bags and heads to the door, slapping Ralph’s arm as she walks past him. “See you around, yeah?”

“Y-Yes, of course. All of you,” Ralph smiles, shaking the other men’s hands as they all pile into Ralph’s workplace.

Your mind starts trying to work in rapid fire, trying desperately to connect dots that seem impossible to connect. Thankfully, Ralph for once manages to keep you on task, even managing to buy what you’d asked him to - though instead of working up the nerve to seek out a cashier, he’d opted for the equally challenging task of trying to operate a self-service checkout while you frantically Google every little bump in the road you come across - though on incognito mode, of course, just in case.

Once you’re sitting down together in a cafe, waiting on your lunch, you finally try and articulate your train of thought to Ralph. “Look, all you need to prove that you’re a rightful heir is a name, a story that you’re related, and three months’ worth of proof that you live somewhere. So, granted, we’re gonna need to find something to sign you up to that’ll mail you stuff, but after that, in just three months, we might be able to get that place!”

“Well,” Ralph starts, wringing his hands together on the table. “Babs was telling me something about - about the taxes she has to file, apparently there’s some sort of form I have to be given at the end of the month, I didn’t say anything because she’s the one that pays me, but she had said something about deducting it from my pay already, it’s a… System I couldn’t wrap my head around,” he shakes his head. “But she did say… That if I’m asked to prove anything about my pay, she also has my official pay slips in her possession.”

You look at him incredulously. “So, what, they have your work’s address on them? As if you live there?”

“Not quite… She asked for our address some time ago, and I assumed it was in case of emergencies so I told her, and so I suppose that’s what she’s submitted on the slips. She said that she never sends them because there’s no point, if we want them, we can simply ask her.”

You’re practically vibrating in your seat with excitement. “So, we can take those… With your name on… Make up some story about how we found a photo online of your great-grandad who looks just like you and found out he owned that house…” You grin at him. “And it’d be ours!”

Ralph deflates a little. “I wish I could share your enthusiasm, my love, but I fear our luck has run out by now. I mean, surely I’d need a legal record, too!”

You shake your head furiously. “It only says they might ask, online. And you’ve charmed your way out of identification before on countless occasions, what’s one more time?! “

“It’s just an awfully big risk, I mean, what if we get caught? What if we’re imprisoned, questioned - would they even believe what happened with me? It’s just too close to being impossible!”

“Exactly!” You slap the table a few times before grabbing Ralph’s hands to hold them. “Everything about us is just shy of being impossible. You are a 26 year old man who was born in 1901. I am someone who’d given up entirely on love until I literally walked right into meeting my literal soulmate.”

Ralph smiles bashfully, “I wouldn’t have thought you believed in soulmates.”

“That’s my point! I didn’t either! I never would have! But you make the almost-impossible entirely possible. You made an entire life for yourself here where you are loved and admired by literally thousands of people, including the most ride-or-die friends you could have asked for. That are, probably right this second, also researching how to keep you here as long as we possibly can. Who can say they’ve got friends like that, hm? You think Victoria and all her little pals would put that much effort into keeping her around?” Ralph shakes his head. “Right. Because you’re special, Ralph. I know it. We all know it. Just… Come on.”

“But there’ll be inheritance tax, surely,” he counters, “and then, what? I haven’t paid tax in… Ninety-seven years!”

“So, if that happens, we do what Anna says. Once we’ve established that you’re definitely entitled to the house in the name of Ralph Penbury, we spin a tale that you were never registered. Sure, you’d probably be lumped with a load of tax to pay back, but…” You tut out a breath as you think before gasping, clapping and holding his hands again. “What if, we get the house, but I tell my parents we’re buying it, rather than inheriting it?! Get them to give me a loan for a deposit, you use it to start paying off tax stuff, and then instead of all our money going on rent, you can pay the tax people back and I can pay my parents back.”

“It all sounds rather hair-brained,” Ralph states, but with a smile that says he believes in the cause.

“It’s completely hair-brained,” you admit with a nod. “It’s insane and out there and nobody in their right mind would actually think it works. Which is what’s gonna make it work. Right?”

“It’s just - It’s the risk,” Ralph shakes his head, but you pull his hands up to your mouth, kissing his knuckles.

“Ralph Do-You-Have-A-Middle-Name? Penbury.” He laughs. “I am so… Ridiculously, madly, insanely in love with you that I would be willing to put my entire life on the line for you. I would quite literally risk it all.”

Ralph’s ears burn red as he smiles bashfully. “And you call me the hopeless romantic.”

“God, I know. I guess you’ve corrupted me, too,” you pull a face, and he laughs.

“You’re right, though. What sort of man would I be if I didn’t heed my own word? Though I may have far less to put on the line… I would do anything for you, my love. As long as I still have you, I will have everything.”

“Trust you to out-fluff me,” you smirk. “So, you’re willing to give it a shot?”

He takes a deep breath in, and finally nods. “Very well. Whatever happens, we shall have each other, always.”

You kiss his hands again with a grin. “Always.”

~~~

The clang of metal against metal as the door shuts behind you makes you jump out of your skin. “Jesus fucking Christ, warn someone when you’re doing that, won’t you?” you glare over at the uniform-clad man as he wrenches his key out of the lock.

“If it’s too loud for your delicate little ears, sunshine, don’t stay so close,” he sneers.

“Got no choice, have I?” you ask, rolling your eyes and gesturing down, and an almost wicked smile creeps along the man’s face.

“That’s what you get, ending up in a place like this where people like you don’t belong,” he tuts, shaking his head. “If you can’t hack it…”

“Oi, dickhead,” a voice calls from behind you. “You’re all done, now, ain’t ya? If you want to keep that face of yours arranged the way your mother made it, you’ll jog on.”

He looks at you with a smug frown, waggling his eyebrows, “That really the sort of thing you want to be known for? Dangerous reputation around these parts.”

You groan, leaning down to press your forehead into the knuckles holding your car door open as you’re standing halfway in it. “Just get that lorry of yours out of my parking space before I get done for being on double yellow lines, yeah?” The man kisses his teeth as he clambers back into his vehicle and drives away. You pull a face as you put on a mock voice, “‘Get a man with a van’, they said. ‘It’ll make your move so much easier’, they said. Prick. Thanks for helping me deal with him,” you simper at Ralph’s friend Charlotte as she scoops up a box from the pavement.

“Yeah, well. Someone’s gotta put pricks like that in their place, and it sure as shit ain’t our Ralphie,” she scoffs, and you chuckle. "Want me to go grab him so you lovebirds can say goodbye?” She says in a joking tone, pulling a kissy face at you.

You laugh, “Says the person who can’t go twelve seconds without sucking on Yankee-Doodle’s face in there,” you waggle your eyebrows.

“You’re lucky I like you, d’y’know that?” she teases, sticking her tongue out at you before turning on her heel, laughing as she faces away from you and sees Ralph emerging out from the front door of his townhouse. She wolf-whistles as the two cross paths, which Ralph looks very confused at, to your amusement.

“Sorry I have to go into work,” you pout your lower lip out in a frown as he approaches you. “They’re just so short-staffed, and I -”

“Don’t you fret, my love,” he interjects, leaning in to press a quick peck to your lips. “You must go where you are needed. Not to worry, we will remain hard at work here, and then when you return, you can relax in your new, furnished home.”

“Our home,” you correct him. “It is yours, after all. I just can’t believe that this is all real.”

“I’ve felt that way for some time, myself,” Ralph admits softly, stroking your cheek with the backs of his fingers, and you feel yourself physically melt against your car door.

“Right, I’m going before I end up feeling even worse about leaving you guys behind.” You pull Ralph in for another, longer kiss, carding your fingers through his curls as he cradles the back of your neck. A laugh bubbles between your lips as you murmur against him, “This isn’t helping!”

“Ah, what’s one more minute of them not having you?” he smiles coyly at you, and you raise your eyebrows at him.

“What if they said that about me coming back home to you, hm?”

Reluctantly, Ralph steps away. “Very well. Have a wonderful day, darling. Travel safely.”

You turn your nose up and shake your head. “Nah, think I’m gonna finally live life on the edge today.” Ralph gives you a look that tells you he isn’t amused, and you grin back, blowing him a kiss. “Be good!”

“When aren’t I?!”

~~~

You’re not sure that you’ll take the train every time you have to go to work, now; despite it being quicker, having to actively pay both ways and being sandwiched amongst so many people just doesn’t seem worth it. Still, today of all days, you wanted to get home as quickly as you could, despite all the local landmarks tempting your inner tourist. You’ve got all the time in the world now to explore them, and besides, it’d be far more entertaining showing them all to Ralph.

You unlock the door and are immediately greeted by the smell of something cooking, something really good. You step through the hallway and into the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe as you watch Ralph reading from a recipe book, squinting close to the page as he drags his finger across each line of his next instruction, his mouth moving along with every word. "Looks like you could do with some glasses," you pipe up, and Ralph yelps in surprise as he looks up at you.

"Hello, my love! Welcome home! Um, I didn't hear you come in, my apologies, I'd have met you at the door if I'd have known."

"It's okay," you soothe as you stride over to him, pulling him into a deep kiss. "What's this in aid of, is everyone staying for dinner?" A pang of disappointment strikes your chest. As much as you love yours and Ralph's friends, you were sort of hoping to have your first night in the new house alone with him.

"Not tonight, darling, this is in aid of you!" Ralph smiles over at you. "Since I have been learning, and you have been working so hard at your shop, especially juggling it all with sorting out the house and you've still been the one to make countless meals for us, I thought I would try and make your favourite meal."

You let out a small, happy whimper, kissing his cheek. "As long as it hasn't been stressing you out. Do you want any help?"

"Well, I suppose now that you mention it, I do need somebody to stand right there and just look casually beautiful, and - well, would you look at that, you're a natural!" He beams over at you, leaning in to kiss you again.

You grin bashfully, hiding your face in his shoulder. "God, look at what you've done to me! You've made me all mushy and shit."

"Happy to help, my love," he smiles, pressing one more kiss to your head before returning to his recipe.

"Sure you don't want me to help? Read things out or anything? I don't want you straining your eyes," you frown.

"Well, it's not as though I can get my eyes tested, is it?" he asks as he continues preparing food.

"But if it's just a case of reading close-up, you can get reading glasses over the counter in the shops," you explain.

"But aren't glasses rather… Unseemly?" he asks with knitted brow.

You shake your head. "If anything, the right ones would make you appear very, very… Seemly," you pull a face, not knowing if that was the correct term to use or not, and Ralph laughs gently.

"Just go and get comfortable, my love. I will call for you when dinner is served."

"Oh, yeah, forgot we have a dining room with a table, now," you smirk. "Just look at us, living the high life!"

Ralph gasps, "Oh, speaking of! Hannah left us a housewarming gift, she donated her tee-vee so that we could have one in our bedroom, as well!"

The way Ralph elongates the letters in TV so deliberately will never not charm you. "That was nice of her! How come?"

"She's moving in with that girl she met last month. All seems a bit fast-moving, if you ask me."

You look at him incredulously. "Look who's talking!"

"Yes, Hannah did point out something similar to me," he admits, ears blushing. 

You chuckle as you navigate your way through to your new bedroom. It seems strange, your familiar furniture against such an unfamiliar backdrop. Every room looks so dated - naturally, it hadn't been touched since the 50s, apparently. Still, that Pinterest board you've been working on for years is finally going to go to good use.

Your heart swells when you see the bed littered with rose petals, a classic touch that has Ralph written all over it. You explore all the dressers and wardrobes in the room, familiarising yourself with where Ralph and your friends have decided to unpack your things. You open up your underwear drawer, thumbing across the carefully-arranged bras with a smile. Finding a particularly intricate number, you fish for its matching underwear, and decide to change into it. Ralph did ask you to slip into something more comfortable, right? You find something flattering to put over the whole set and rejoin him downstairs.

He's stirring something in a pan, looking rather proud of himself, when you get back to the kitchen. This time, you tap your knuckles against the door to make your presence known, so as not to surprise him. However, once he sees you, Ralph immediately drops the utensil he's using back into the pot with an almighty clatter, his jaw visibly dropping. You smile bashfully and he clears his throat, "Forgive my reaction, my darling, but you look positively ravishing."

In Ralphspeak, you know that's the equivalent of him calling you the closest thing to sexy he's probably willing to say. At least, for now. Maybe you've still a little corruption left in you. Still, it's enough to cause your heart to race. "You like?"

"I love. I mean, of course, I love you no matter what, but…" He blows out a breath that tickles the curls that hang across his brow. "You really do look absolutely delectable."

After a lingering moment, you manage to tear your eyes away to look at what's cooking. "Speaking of, so does this! You sure I can't be of any help?"

"Not at all, my dear, it's just about ready to serve. And just in time, so I can no longer fear about getting too… Distracted," he smiles coyly, looking you up and down the way he always does. There's something a little different in the way he looks at you, though. A different sort of gleam illuminates his eyes. One that makes you want to wolf down your food, drag him up to the bedroom and pull him on top of you.

But still, he's worked hard on this meal, and he looks so proud of himself. Though he dishes up, he still rushes ahead of you into the dining room to make sure he pulls out your seat for you, guiding the chair back with you as you readjust it and kissing your cheek before lighting a candle you vaguely recognise as an old secret Santa gift that you never ended up using, and going back for your food.

You exchange stories about your day: you, about the stresses of working short-staffed on a weekend during a school holiday, meaning a terrifying crossover of screaming babies and toddlers, chaotic children, less-than-trustworthy teenagers and overly-entitled adults; Ralph, about all the different ways your friends almost broke almost every piece of furniture you own while trying to get it into the house. Both equally stressful for you to recount.

At first, once you're done, Ralph insists on cleaning up after himself, but after a lot of pouting, eyelash batting and gentle touches, you coax him out to sit in the living room - another whole room dedicated to one thing, you've not lived like this since you moved out of your parents' - and cuddle up to him on the sofa.

Your embrace barely lasts a minute before your lips are on his, again. He’s desperate to get as close to you as he can, clawing at your clothes as he presses the kiss open. Holding the back of his neck to steady yourself, you move yourself up to straddle his lap, letting your tongue slip into his mouth and moaning at the sensation of his against yours. He echoes you as his hands slip down your sides to squeeze your hips. You buck them under his touch, feeling his erection grow beneath you.

He chokes out a soft, “May I?” as his fingers curl around to grip at the fabric of your top. You nod, sitting back and holding your arms up to let him take it off of you. He starts trying to fold it up behind you but, impatient, you take the garment from him and blindly throw it behind you, holding his face to kiss him again.

He takes your hands into his own and guides them back down, his kisses moving from your lips, down your jaw and to your neck, where he finds an especially sensitive spot and stays there, kissing it over and over again, all while muttering sweet nothings to you. “You are so very beautiful, my darling… How fortunate I am to be this intimate with you… Just exquisite in every conceivable way…" You rock your hips faster at his words, throwing him off his train of thought entirely as he sits back and watches you lustfully.

His gaze isn't trained on your face, though. Instead, he's transfixed on the way your breasts move, both from your heaving breaths and from grinding on him. Biting your lip, you wrap a hand around the back of his neck and start pushing it towards you as his tongue just pokes out enough to wet his lips. "Wanna put that mouth to better use?" You ask as you guide him closer to your chest.

He gasps in soft delight, looking up at you gleefully. "Are you quite sure?" You nod and his face melts into one of pure ecstacy. "Thank you, my love," he mutters before taking one of your nipples into his mouth. 

His plush lips press against your flesh as he kisses, sucks and licks at your nipple. Biting back a moan, you rest your hand in his hair, ruffling it slightly and muttering with a smile, “You like that, don’t you?” He hums out an mm-hm that vibrates against your skin, and reaches up to play the other nipple between his finger and thumb. You keen towards him, grip tightening and head bending down to him as you groan loudly, “Fuck, that’s it, good boy!” Words you’d never have thought you’d say in such a context fly out of your mouth so easily, and you could swear he sounded like he was chirping with happiness as you said them.

He moves away from the breast he’s suckling on, pressing one more brief peck to your wet, hardened nipple, and starts to focus on the other, still brushing the other nipple with the backs of his knuckles. You whine, whimper and moan as your still-clothed cunt begs for sweet release. You’re constantly amazed at how quickly Ralph can bring you to an apex few had ever even managed to. “God, Ralph, need you so bad.”

“Of course, please forgive me, got rather carried away there,” he mumbles apologetically to you, but the kiss you press to his forehead tells him there’s nothing for him to be sorry for. Ralph looks around, his brow furrowing. “Um, I don’t wish to diminish the mood at all, but there doesn’t seem to be an awful lot of… Space, here.”

You cock your head, smiling coyly. “You wanna go to the bed you prepared for this exact occasion?”

Ralph returns a smaller, more sheepish smile, his ears tinting. “Ah, you noticed. I suppose, of course you did, it would be difficult not to. Still, was it alright? Or too much?” His face falls. “It was too much, wasn’t it?”

You fleetingly frown in thought. “A little, yeah.” Your expression quickly changes back into a grin, though. “But it was your brand of too much, which makes it perfect.” You lean back to unbutton his shirt. “Unfortunately, my brand is not being patient enough to wait that long.”

“I wouldn’t say that of you, you were rather patient with me all those months,” Ralph notes pointedly, and you laugh.

“Yeah, you used it all up!” You climb off of him, slowly sliding the bottom half of your outfit off, but leaving your underwear on. Looking over at him gawking, you smirk, "You sure you want this? Not exactly dressed for the occasion."

He reaches up to stroke the pad of his thumb across the intricate design of your underwear. "Of course, you had been wearing a matching set, but it was I who became so impatient that I missed out on seeing it in full, my deepest apologies, my love, I - well," he suddenly, hurriedly slips himself out of all his clothes, leaving them in a heap by his feet, making you giggle again.

"Maybe I'll still let you see it," you tell him suggestively, hooking your thumbs into the elastic of your panties. "Maybe I'll wear it all again and take some photos on your phone." With nothing left to cover it, you watch Ralph's cock twitch at the idea and bite your lip to compose yourself. "Maybe," you continue as you slowly push your underwear down your thighs, "I'll leave a video or two, as well." You watch his face as you let them fall past your ankle, stepping out of them and walking back over to him. "What do you think?"

"I think you spoil me, my love," he smiles softly. He reaches down to the jeans he'd all but ripped off of himself, fumbling through a pocket until he pulls out a condom and starts to put it on himself.

Watching the act of him wrapping it around himself and sliding it down is almost enough to totally distract you from your initial thought. Almost. "Did you really just have a condom just sitting there in your pocket? And you make out like I'm the horndog!"

Ralph blushes, "Yes, well, I sort of… Hoped we would… Christen the place, so to speak.”

You climb into his lap, hovering yourself to line up with where he’s holding his shaft. “I like that idea,” you smile softly before sliding yourself down onto him. You both let out staggered moans as you let yourself get used to the sensation of being filled by him, before kneeling yourself up to the point where you can just about feel his tip still inside you and then sinking yourself back down.

His hands grip your hips tightly as he moans your name. You repeat the motions a few times, revelling in the way it feels to drop onto him, having him enter you so deeply and so quickly. You soon start to feel an ache, though, and decide to pace yourself, keeping him bottomed out inside of you and grinding against him until you feel rested enough to go again. 

You can see Ralph’s mouth constantly silently moving, as though he wants to keep complimenting you the way he always does, but he’s too blissed out from feeling you clench around him, your cunt gripping his cock tightly with no intention of ever letting him back out of you again. You especially try to make sure you commit the face he makes every time you pull yourself out just to fuck yourself back down onto him again, to your memory, knowing that just remembering the way he reacts to you would be enough to turn you on, if you ever needed anything to fuel your imagination.

At one point, while you’re rocking your hips with him inside you, you finally manage to get yourself at just the right angle to hit that sweet spot that Ralph is always able to find. Keeping yourself at the same angle, you move yourself even faster, moaning louder and more often.

Ralph seems to notice, and does his best to hold you in place as he bucks his hips up underneath your weight. You curl yourself forward, arms wrapped around his shoulders and face buried in his neck as he fucks you from where he sits beneath you. Knowing how good it makes you feel when he mutters sweet sentiments to you, you mumble against his skin, “Feel so good, Ralphie… You always know how to, you’re fucking amazing… So good to me, so sweet, my Ralph, no-one else’s… My sweet and handsome boy, knows just how to please me, fuck.” 

."He whimpers and whines, music to your ears as you feel your climax start to build again. “Oh, god, Ralphie, I’m so clo- Oh my god,” you groan as he starts to massage your clit in rapid circles. “Oh, fuck, yes, so good to me, thank you… Wish I could, do more for you.”

“- Already do the absolute most, darling,” he soothes. “’M already embarrassingly near to finishing, myself.”

You shake your head, “Nothing to be ashamed of, not at all, god, please cum for me, Ralphie, and I will for you, please?” Ralph completely falls apart beneath you at your words, moaning your name and digging his fingers bruisingly into your skin. You feel yourself becoming one with him as you ride out your orgasm.

He wraps his arms around your hips, cradling you on his lap, and you rest your forehead against his as you both breathe heavily, intertwined in body, in breath, in spirit. You���d never, ever thought you’d even ever contemplate the idea a year ago, but in this moment, you really are certain that Ralph is your one true soulmate.

He leans in to envelop your lips with his own in a sweet and passionate kiss before muttering, “Forgive me, my love, but I do rather need to take care of…”

You whine indignantly, but stand to climb off of him. “Suppose I should actually change into something comfortable now, eh?” You ask humorously, and you hear his laughter from where he’s throwing his used condom away in the bathroom. The downstairs bathroom that you now have in the townhouse where you live with the love of your life. This was always pipe-dream material, but here you are. Living it.

You run upstairs, taking a moment to again admire the state of the bed and think about all the ways you plan to christen it later, and look through clothes to get changed into. Opting for a tank-top-and-pyjama-bottoms combination, you take yourself to your en-suite and freshen up as you get changed.

When you open up the door again, Ralph is just pulling a white shirt over his head, and you smile fondly at his choice to pair it with a very familiar pair of sweatpants. “Those were the first clothes I ever gave you,” you recall, and he looks at you with a similar expression.

“I believe that was also what you had chosen to wear the first night I met you, as well. When you gave me your bed without knowing anything at all about me,” he reminisces.

You giggle, “Oh, yeah, you wouldn’t even look me in the eye because you didn’t want to be ‘improper’, now look at you!” You tap his nose teasingly, and his ears flush red.

“Oh, hush,” he frowns, but the air of a laugh hangs in his voice. “You really were - I mean, to take me in as you did, in my time of need while knowing absolutely nothing about me, especially after Mister Peter told you my far-fetched reasoning for being here…” Ralph wraps his arms around your waist. “Giving me the life I have now, the friends I have, the - everything,” he sighs wistfully. 

“Yeah, well. You try looking you right in the chocolate buttons and saying no to that face,” you smirk, and he laughs. “It’s like I said when we went to the inheritance people to get this place. With my gift of the gab, and your gift of the… Face, the charm, and the everything else you’ve got going for you, we’re unstoppable,” you beam.

“I still can’t believe you were able to talk them around like that,” he looks at you adoringly, and you shrug.

“The amount of backlog they so obviously had, and the amount of effort it would have taken if we hadn’t convinced them to cut some corners with us, it was a doddle,” you shrug. “I could tell they weren’t the brown-nosing type, they weren’t gonna go back to check every little part of what I said we’d set out to do was legitimately within their procedures.”

“A skill set like that is wasted on your little clothes shop,” he frowns, leaning forward to kiss your forehead, and you laugh.

“Yeah, well. Maybe it’s time I look for something new that’s a bit more local to this area,” you nod. “I don’t think Babs’d let you quit, though.”

“Heavens, no, she’d be out for my blood!” Ralph exclaims, and you laugh loudly.

Once you’re back at the sofa, cuddled up beneath a blanket and watching TV together, even though you’re curled up against Ralph’s chest, you can sense something’s bothering him. “You alright?” You ask him.

“Couldn’t be better, darling,” he replies, but the tension you feel beneath your cheek betrays his lie.

“Nah, c’mon, tell me,” you sit yourself up next to him, and he sighs heavily.

“Well, I was just thinking of how… I mean, yes, we have a house now, at least, but I’m still not legally a person, am I? I know we said we wouldn’t openly use that story about me never being registered and so on unless it were absolutely necessary.”

“Yeah, we agreed, only if you need serious medical treatment,” you nod.

“R-right, but what about the other things?” He asks warily, twiddling his thumbs.

“Like holidaying? We can survive not going abroad, Ralph,” you laugh.

“Not just that… What about… Well, we could never be truly wed, or be a family,” you hear his voice get weaker, shakier.

“Sure, we can,” you wrap your arm around his shoulders and pull him so that he nuzzles into your neck, stroking his hair. “Okay, so we couldn’t get, like, legally married, but so what? We can still use the same bank account as if it were a joint one. I could easily change my name by deed poll. We could still throw a wedding in every other aspect, just without the signing the register. And as for the other bit, I mean, you can register with just one parent and add another later, if we do get away with your story about neither of yours registering you.”

“You seem rather sure in your knowledge, there,” he notes with a hint of amusement.

“Yeah, well… Maybe I looked into it all a little.” He looks over at you with a knowing grin, and you feel yourself get sheepish. “What?”

“Nothing, dearest,” Ralph chimes. “Just seems a little… What’s that word that you call me all the time?”

“Sappy? Tell me about it,” you shake your head, and Ralph laughs. 

“It’s an honour to make you feel that way, darling,” he leans over to kiss you. After a few minutes, he breaks away to stroke your cheek with his thumb as he holds your face. “You seriously see a future - of us? With me? I -”

You pull him in for another kiss, laughter bubbling between you as you do so, “Yes, you big dafty!”

He chirps happily. “Well, I suppose I’ve a lot to do, then, haven’t I!”

You take a deep breath in as you brace yourself to potentially let Ralph down. “Yeah, but… look, when I said I was looking into it, I meant as in, like, way into our future, yeah? We’ve got bags of time, I just want to enjoy it all with you, you know?”

To your surprise, Ralph scoffs at you. “Well, naturally. Did you think I would propose to you in this manner? Without so much as a ring? Or even your family’s blessing?”

“Oh, well, that won’t take long at all,” you smirk. “I bet you, when we go have dinner with Mum and Dad next week, by the time we even tell them that we’re together now, Mum’ll be asking you what colour her wedding outfit should be!”

A proud smile bursts onto Ralph’s face, but it quickly fades. “Do you think they’ll fear that us getting a house together is too big of a commitment too quickly?”

“Again. Ralph. They love you,” you reiterate to him, squeezing his hand. “And once they find out you’re responsible for us moving to Southwark, where they are? Dad’ll have gotten himself ordained by the time they bring out desserts just to make sure you’d become a permanent part of the family.”

Ralph’s heart swells hundredfold at the sentiment as he embraces you in yet another kiss. “I suppose I am rather overthinking things, aren’t I?”

“Just a tad,” you scrunch your face up, and he laughs.

“I mean, it’s really no different than when we were living at your flat, really, is it?” He chuckles, and you shake your head.

“Except we could have a pet, now,” you muse, and Ralph sits up straight, his face full of excitement.

“Could we get a cat?!” He beams at you, making you laugh.

“God, you and cats, what is with that?”

“I have a theory,” he muses. “Since Cheese and I got along so well so quickly, I think because we were so similar, he put in a good word with all the other cats. That’s the only explanation there could possibly be.”

After a brief hesitation, you laugh, “Sorry, in what way are you so similar to our old neighbour’s cat?!”

“Well, both of us were sort-of confined to our little flats, neither of us technically supposed to be there. I think he could sense that of me when I first met him, back when I… Upset that neighbour of yours.”

“Because you burnt your toast so badly that you almost suffocated the ninth floor with smoke?” You ask with raised eyebrows, and Ralph slinks back into his seat bashfully.

“Well, I’ve learned now, haven’t I?” He points out.

“That, you have. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come,” you hug his arm, shuffling up to his side. “With everything. How you’ve learned to cope with all this modern stuff, all the stuff you never got to learn growing up, and just… I’m really pleased you’ve been starting to love yourself as much - well, almost as much as I love you,” you simper, resting your head on his arm. “Ugh, god, I really am a sap now, aren’t I?”

Ralph chuckles, pressing a peck onto the top of your head. “At least we can both be, together, eh?”

You sigh contentedly as he wraps his arms around you, pulling the blanket around to make sure you’re both comfortable. You look around at the walls, imagining what decorating with Ralph is going to be like in the coming few weeks, and then picturing the photos you’d hang on there. Travels with Ralph all across the country. Your eventual engagement photos, because of course Ralph’s going to make that moment as photogenic as possible so you’ll have something to capture and savour that memory forever. Wedding photos, all your friends and Ralph’s all dressed up to the nines, singing and dancing the night away to celebrate the pair of you. Pictures of your eventual babies, some with Ralph’s eyes and some with his hair but all of them with his warm, kind smile. Those kids’ first moments, their first smiles, first steps, first day at school.

You break yourself away from your trance-like train of thought to see Ralph’s watching you with all the love that could possibly exist in the world currently living in his gaze. “I’m thinking of the same, too, my love,” he whispers excitedly, as though he’s able to see into your mind telepathically. “I can’t wait for the rest of our lives, either.”

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

Close… So Close

Summary- Ralph loves being intimate with you, but he wonders if there’s ways of doing it without having to be dirty. He just wants to feel closer to you.

Genre- Fluff

Warnings- Reader has female anatomy, mentions reader and ralph being naked but nothing explicit

Tag List- @wheels-of-despair

(tag list is always open, let me know if you’d like to be added!)

Word Count- 2.4k

Ralph was sitting patiently for you in the kitchen, waiting for your arrival back home from the short trip you had taken to visit your family. You had left so early that morning, leaving him with only a quick kiss as he was still half asleep in bed, and he had been missing you ever since, just as he always did whenever you went out for the day.

All he had been wanting recently was to be closer to you. To feel more intimate with you in ways that didn’t have to involve getting dirty. He adored you and wanted you to know that.

He perked up the moment he heard the locks click on the front door, sitting up from the counter with a smile on his lips as he quickly made his way to the foyer to greet you back home with a loving embrace.

“Darling!” He exclaimed as he saw you there at the door, a bag next to you on the floor as you had already began removing your various accessories that you had been wearing well over 12 hours. You looked so tired, exhausted from your trip, but Ralph saw you as beautiful nonetheless.

A smile spread across your lips as you saw him, still his cheerful bubbly self even after you knew how much he dreaded being apart from you for so long,

“Hello my love, i missed you so much,” Your arms wrapped around his neck and his went around your waist, holding you tightly, a giggle slipped through your lips as he squeezed you, “and i’m guessing you missed me too?”

“Of course i did dear, more than you know. How was the trip?”

“Exhausting…” You let out a slow sigh as you separated, “I’m just happy to be home now.”

“I’m happy you’re home too my love,” He gently held your cheeks and tilted your head downwards, planting a soft kiss to your forehead, “I missed having you so close to me…”

“I’ve missed it too.” You let out another sigh, leaning down to pull off your shoes from your aching feet with a groan, “All i want is a nice, calm, relaxing night.”

“Why don’t i draw you a bath?” Ralph suggested with a smile.

“That sounds perfect right about now.”

Ralph reached down and grabbed the suitcase at your side,

“I’ll take this, let’s go upstairs so you can change and I’ll get your bath started.” Wirh the other hand he took yours and you quietly made your way into your shared bedroom.

It was so nice to be at home finally, so quiet and peaceful. As much as you loved getting to go and visit your friends and family, even for just a day, it was always so draining. Ralphie always knew exactly what you needed to help you feel better after such a long day.

He set your suitcase at the end of the bed and you took a deep breath as you undid the skirt at your waist, the relief coming after the tight fabric was dropped down to your feet. You knew there would be little red marks and indents on your tummy from that damned skirt but the warm water of the bath would soothe them so well.

As you continued to undress, Ralph brought you your robe and laid it out onto the bed for you,

“You take your time sweetheart, i’ll unpack for you while you’re in the bath.”

You leaned over and placed a kiss onto his cheek, giving him a smile as you slowly undressed. Ralph entered the bathroom and started up the water for you, grabbing a few things from the sink cabinet for it.

He had checked to make sure the water was the perfect temperature for you before sprinkling in a few bath salts, eucalyptus scented, to help ease your aching muscles after such a long day. He had grabbed another bottle, lavender bubble bath, and poured it into the water. He pulled a stool up to the side of the bath and moved his hand through the water, mixing in the bubble bath and making sure everything was absolutely perfect. He even lit a few candles for you just to make it a little extra relaxing.

You slowly entered the bathroom and stood at the door, admiring Ralphie as he sat there with the most angelic look on his face. He looked so serene and peaceful, the same way he did as he slept. Just looking at him was enough to take the stress off of your shoulders and seeing the smile on his lips as soon as he noticed you there in the doorway nearly made you melt.

“Darling, i don’t think i tell you enough how beautiful you are.” He stood up from his stool and grabbed one of the hand towels from the sink, drying off his arm as he approached you.

You stepped forward, your hands moving to the little knot at the front of your robe before he quickly stopped you,

“Please, let me?” He asked you with the sweetest puppy dog eyes.

You gave him a smile and a quick kiss to the forehead before you nodded to him, his fingers delicately holding both ends of the ribbon around your waist and slowly pulled them apart, the front of your robe exposing your body to the cold air of the bathroom.

He let the smooth fabric drape at your sides, quickly going to close the bathroom door behind you,

“Just in case darling, i wouldn’t want anyone to accidentally ruin your night.”

He walked back over behind you, close enough for you to feel the warmth of his body behind you as his fingers grabbed the fabric at your shoulders, slowly pulling it away and letting the robe pile around your feet. His lips placed gentle kisses all along your shoulders, even lifting up one of your arms to kiss a trail all the way down to the back of your hand.

You smiled, watching the way Ralph admired you. He always made you feel so beautiful.

He gently held your hand in his and guided you over to the tub, helping you keep your balance as you placed one foot into the warm sudsy water.

“How is it my love? Did i make it too hot for you? Are there too many bubbles?”

“Ralphie, it’s perfect,” You turned to him as you stepped into the bath, leaning forward and giving him a sweet and reassuring kiss, “everything is perfect.”

You turned your back to him and slowly settled into the bath, Ralph lifted the ends of your hair over the edge of the tub as you laid against it, letting out a deep sigh. All of the stress and worries of your day had gone, the warm bath and the mixed scents of the essential oils in the bath salts and sweet lavender from the bubble bath only helped further. Your eyes slowly shut as the warm water surrounding your body soothed your aching muscles.

“Darling?” Ralphie asked you.

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Your hair has a few tangles in it,” His hand reached up and you could feel the tips of his perfectly manicured fingers gently rake over your scalp, “could i brush it?”

“Are you sure you don’t mind it?” You opened your eyes and tilted your head back to look at him. Nothing sounded more euphoric.

Having the man you loved brush through your hair so gently as you relaxed in a soothing bubble bath that he drew for you. What did you ever do to deserve someone so giving, so caring, so loving?

“Not at all love,” He smiled down to you and pressed his lips to your forehead, “you lay there and close your eyes, all i want from you is to let yourself relax.”

You nodded and did as he said, settling yourself back into the bathtub, your eyes gently closing once more. You listened to the noises around you, the drawer opening in the sink vanity and the brushes combs being placed onto the counter, the stool that sat in the corner being dragged behind you for Ralph to sit on as he brushed. You adjusted your body in the tub, getting into a more comfortable position before the feeling of Ralph’s hand gently lifting up your head and placing something soft and fuzzy beneath it. A towel to keep your neck comfortable and cushioned.

Ralph grabbed a few brushes and combs from the counter, placing them on his lap as he smiled and sat behind you, the wide tooth comb in his hand carefully brushing through the ends of your hair and moving upwards onto your scalp. His hand raking through your hair afterwards just to make sure he hadn’t missed a spot.

You let out a soft and sweet moan, unable to hold back from the serenity that Ralph was bringing you. He had always loved seeing you in such a relaxed state, especially when he was the one who caused it. Such a sweet boy.

Ralph had leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss to your forehead, picking up a comb and carefully running it over your scalp, getting the teeny tiny knots and tangles he had missed with the larger brush. He was being so gentle and so slow, taking his time to make sure that your hair was as soft as ever.

“I’m going to go and unpack your suitcase darling, is there anything i can get you?” Ralph placed the comb back onto the counter with the rest as he stood from the chair and knelt at your side.

“No Ralphie, i’m alright.” You said to him with a smile, opening your eyes slightly to see him knelling there next to you, his hand moving into your hair to gently pet it as you laid in the bathtub.

All you wanted was him.

“Ralphie?” You asked him.

“Yes my love?”

You looked up to him and he could see the little bit of hesitation in your eyes,

“It’s alright darling,” Ralph moved his hand from your hair and carefully picked up your hand as it rested on the side of the tub, so soft and warm from when it had first touched the water, “anything you need, all you have to do is ask.”

“Would you…” You took a slow breath, “Would you join me when you’re done?”

Ralph smiled, the adorable pink flush on his cheeks was enough to give you your answer,

“Of course darling, i wouldn’t have it any other way.” He leaned forward and kissed your forehead before standing at the edge of the tub, letting your hand slowly fall from his, “I’ll be back in just a moment.”

You watched as Ralph left the bathroom, softly closing the door behind him. You took a slow, deep breath, just taking in everything around you.

The warm water cascading over your skin each time you had to readjust and get comfortable, the soothing aromas of the bath salts and the calming lavender from the body wash, the gentle light from the candles on the vanity. You had noticed that he had even left the combs out on the counter, no doubt to brush your hair again once you were done with your bath. Ralph had given you countless nights where he would pamper you, relaxing you after a long day and doing any task that your heart desires. When he did things like this on his own, doing absolutely everything without you even having to ask, made you feel like your relationship was finally getting to a point of comfort. Where you could be intimate and close to one another without having to get dirty. The thought of it made you sigh with want, needing nothing more in your life than the man you loved so dearly because you knew he would always love you back.

The bathroom door creaked and you looked over your shoulder to see Ralph closing the door, wearing his bathrobe. He smiled to you as he reached for the little knot at the front and pulled it, letting the fabric drape down his body as he shrugged it off his shoulders. He never thought he looked like much when he was naked but yo you he always looked ethereal. No other man was like him.

“Where do you want me darling?”

You moved your body forward in the water, giving him room to slip in behind you,

“Behind me? I just want to be held…”

Ralph stepped away from the pooled fabric of the bathrobe and carefully stepped into the water, easing himself in behind you, his legs on either side of your body as his back rested against the tub. He opened his arms and placed them on the sides of the tub, allowing you to make yourself comfortable in whatever position you had wanted most.

You carefully crept towards him, laying your head against his shoulder as your hand went over his heart, feeling the soft beating under his chest. You felt his hands place themselves at your sides, carefully caressing the skin beneath them as he held you.

“Like this my love?” He asked you, a quick kiss being placed to the top of your head.

You couldn’t make out any words, only slowly nodding your head at his shoulder as he held you.

The room was quiet. Only the sounds of the water lightly splashing around as Ralph moved his hands slowly along your body, admiring every curve on your body. He had rested his head atop yours, letting out a deep exhale. He needed this relaxation too.

“Ralphie, did you happen to catch the time before you came back in?”

“No darling, but i know by this point it’s well after dark. Do you want to get out?”

“Maybe in a moment…” You tilted your head up to catch a glimpse of him in such a relaxed state. You had always been able to decompress after a long day together, usually in the living room near the fireplace, a book in your hand and Ralph’s head was resting in your lap for you to pet.

“I just want to enjoy this…”

You laid you head back onto his chest and he held it there so tenderly, his wet fingers carefully petting through your hair.

“I do too my love.” He kissed the top of your head, “I do too…”

Whenever it came to love and affection, Ralph could never be matched by anyone else. He was so happy that he finally had you, someone to give all of his attention and adoration to. And when he was with you like this, holding you in his arms, the warm water surrounding your bodies and the sweet soothing aroma of the bubbles. It was enough to make him melt.

Oh, how he adored being this intimate with you.

[shecagobaby]

I just reread my own work. God damn this shit is HOT. *Pat my own back*

Love of My Life Chapter Two: 'Good Girl'

Hello my beautiful babies! I want to start off my saying thank you for all the positive feed back on chapter one of my 'Love of My Life,' series! So here is chapter two, and I have to say I am giggling and drinking a glass of wine posting this because she is SPICY. I hope you all enjoy! Also, I guess you do need to read part one. Now I am old and do not remember how to attach chapter one to this one, but it is posted on my page.

WARNINGS: smutty smut smut. This chapter is 18+.

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He pulled me away from the sink, making me face him. As soon as I turned around his lips were on mine. No more soft sweet kisses, this was hot and needy. His lips moved fast against mine as he pulled me closer to him so my body was flush to his. I gasped when I felt how hard he was, giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. I moaned into his mouth as one of his hands came to cup my breast.

    He quickly pulled away earning a desperate whine from me. He let out a deep chuckle before giving my ass a harsh slap.

      “Go,” he said.

      He turned me in the right direction as I almost ran to our room. My body felt like it was going to burst into flames. As I walked into our room I started to pull off my sweater.

    I felt nervous even though Joseph and I had a very active sex life, this was probably the thousandth time we slept together; yet I have anxious butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I was thankful that I had a few drinks or I would have been a wreck. I walked through our doorway and walked to the vanity. I looked at my self and wiped a little bit of mascara from under my eye and ran my fingers through my hair.

    I unbuttoned my pants and started sliding them off, wiggling as I pushed them over my ass. I stood there and looked at myself in the mirror just in my bra and panties. I licked my lips and moved my hair off my neck again, running my finger over the spot Joe had sucked a small hickey onto.

    “You’re so gorgeous,” Joseph said as he came in the room. I turned around to look at him. He looked so handsome leaning on the door frame. I raked my eyes over his build and bit my lip. “Even more beautiful than I remember.”

  I rolled my eyes, “I sent you pictures last week.”

    He hummed and walked over to me, “pictures don’t do you justice, love.”

    His calloused fingers just barely grazed my my side making me jump a little at the sensation. His hand made its way up to my bra strap, gently pushing it off my shoulder. He leaned down and peppered kisses on my shoulder, his hand went up my back to the clasp. He pinched it and it came undone.

    He kissed up my neck, to my jaw, placing a few soft kisses on my cheek until his lips met mine. Joseph leaned forward, pulling me unbelievably close to him. I hummed into the kiss, it felt amazing to feel his lips against mine again, but I needed more.

    I tugged on the hem of his shirt, “get this off,” I whispered, and he happily obliged. I slipped my bra off and we both stared at each other. His hands pulled me to him. I tangled my fingers in his curly hair, bringing his lips back to mine. The feeling of our bare chests pressed against each other felt amazing, I hadn’t realized what little things I missed and unknowingly turned me on.

    He started shifting us until his knees hit the edge of the bed. He disconnected our lips as he sat down. I went to straddle him, but he grabbed my hips to stop me. Instead he adjusted me so I was standing right between his legs, “stay right there, love.”

    The sound of his voice making me press my legs together, searching for some form of friction. He looked up at me as he placed light kisses along my collar bones.

    “Forgot how soft you are,” he whispered against my skin. My hands tightened in his hair causing him to moan against my skin. I smiled, missing the sounds he makes. His hands moved up my body until he was able to catch my hard nipple between index finger and thumb, pinching it lightly before rolling it between his calloused fingers.

    I leaned my head back and shut my eyes, loving the feeling. I gasped when I felt him take my other nipple in his mouth and hum, making vibrations shoot through my chest. I looked down at him and saw he was already looking at me.

    “Missed these gorgeous tits,” he mumbled against my nipple.

    “Joe,” I breathed out.

      “What is it, love?” He asked in a teasing voicing as i felt him smile against my chest.

      His big brown eyes were staring at me making it hard to think. I moaned when i saw his tongue poke out of his mouth and roll around my nipple. “Fuck, touch me.”

    His hand reached down and squeezed my ass as he moved his mouth to my other nipple. I whined, I was so wet I could feel my underwear getting soaked.

      “I am touching you, darling.” He said innocently before gently biting down on the hard nub.

      I groaned at his words. That name seemed to only make an appearance when he wanted to tease me in the bedroom. Every time he uses it I know I’m in for it.

      “Need you,” I grabbed his hand and placed it over my wet panties, “need you here.” I whispered.

      His eyes went unbelievably dark when he felt how wet I was. “Jesus Christ darling, you’re fucking soaked.” He groaned.  “Need me to take care of you?” He whispered.

      “Please, Joe.” I said sweetly.

        He began to rub slow circles on my clothed core. My hands went to his shoulders, digging my nails into his pale skin. I moaned when he added a little more pressure.

      “God, you’re really so fucking beautiful. Missed seeing you all turned on.” He said against my chest.

      “Feels so fucking good,” I whined, digging my nails in harder.

      “gotta see ya, darling,” He said gently pushing me back so he had room to get on his knees in front of me. He scattered open mouth kisses across my stomach and my hips. Pausing to kiss every freckle and stretch mark on my skin. He hooked his fingers in the waist band of my panties and started to pull them down, kissing the newly exposed skin. When they were to my ankles he paused, giving me time to step out of them.

        “Oh, fuck Y/N,” he groaned, I hadn’t even spread my legs and he could tell how wet I was. He looked up at me before he barely spread my legs, allowing him enough room to press a kiss to my clit. I moaned and wrapped my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to my cunt. His tongue barely slipped out, grazing over the sensitive area. I moaned and leaned back. Luckily his hands were on my thighs to steady me.

    “Taste so Fucking good, darling.” He placed one more kiss before standing up, towering over me. “Get on the bed,” he hummed as I ran my my hands through his small patch of chest hair.

  I immediately sat down on the bed. Joseph grabbed my waist and pushed my body so I was resting against the head board. He walked to

the edge of the bed while stroking himself through his jeans, his eyes never leaving mine. I bit my lip and rubbed my thighs together. A small smile crept on his lips as he watched me squirm.

      “Spread those legs for me, love.” He spoke in a deep voice as he unbuttoned his jeans. I blushed, looking away for a moment before he spoke again, “c’mon darling, lemme see that gorgeous cunt of yours.” He said as he let his jeans fall to the floor.

    I slowly spread my legs, hissing as the air hit my wet core. Joseph watched my every move while he stroked his cock through his boxers. His tongue poked out between his lips, I knew he was focused. His tongue did the same movement when he was reading a script, listening intently to someone, learning Master of Puppets on guitar, and now when he was staring at my wet center.

    “Play with yourself,” he mumbled.

    I sat up, and whined “Joe, I’ve played with myself plenty over the las-“

    “Be a good girl and I’ll make you cum,” he said cutting me off.

    I looked at him as I leaned back against the headboard, annoyed that he wasn’t all over me already. I kept my legs spread as I licked my middle and ring finger earning a deep groan from Joseph. I brought my wet fingers down to my clit rubbing slow circles. I moaned as I played with myself, my eyes never leaving Joe’s.

    “Is that how you touched yourself when I was away?” He asked. I bit my lip and nodded. I was so wet and his voice just made me even more needy. “Feel good, love?”

    I was so desperate to feel him so i decided to play into his teasing. I brought my wet fingers to my mouth and hummed as I sucked them making Joseph’s jaw drop. I released them with a pop before I said, “yeah,” bringing my fingers back to my clit, “but not as good as you Joe.” I moved my fingers down to my slit, running it up and down. I rolled my hips into my own fingers. I took my digits away from my cunt, “want another taste, babe?” I whispered holding my wet fingers up to him.

    “Jesus fucking Christ, darling.” He grabbed my wrists and brought my fingers to his mouth. He moaned around my fingers before he spoke again, “trying to kill me?”

    I smirked and shrugged, “thought you were gonna make me cum, Joe,” I moaned as I placed my finger back to my clit. “Need you, babe, please. Want ya to make me feel good.”

    “God damn,” he groaned, biting his lip. He was rubbing himself as he watched me play with my clit, I was so desperate for him I would say anything to feel him.

    “Please, Joseph. So wet for you, babe. Please,” I whined, arching my back and speeding up my movements.

    He bit his lip, “how can i say no when you ask so nicely?” He walked to the side of the bed, as Mikey jumped up. I closed my legs and laughed, “okay, Mikey, ya gotta go. Shouldn’t have to see what I’m about to do to your mum,” he said gently shooing Mikey off the bed. Mikey huffed and jumped off, walking back to the living room.

    I couldn’t stop laughing as he slid in bed behind me, sitting and moving to the center with his back on the headboard, where I was sitting just moments before. He grabbed my waist and pulled me to him. “Now, where were we?” He said in a deep voice. I sat in between his legs with my back to his chest. He grabbed my ankles and moved them on either side of his legs. He spread his legs opening mine more with him, making me gasp. My fit of laughter ceasing.

    He grabbed my chin and made me look at him, his free hand starting to make his way to my core. “Want ya to cum as many times as you want, don’t hold back.” He kissed my lips when reached my clit, gently starting to rub the sensitive nub. I whined and brought my hand to his hair, pulling hard. “Lemme hear you, love.”

    He added more pressure making me gasp, “oh my god.” His fingers were pressing hard but going so slow. I clenched around nothing with each rotation. I looked down, seeing where his fingers were on my cunt. I moaned loudly, the sight of his big hands working over me was one that I missed so badly.

    “Feel good, love?” He mumbled. I frantically nodded.

    He was placing kisses all over my neck, occasionally sucking a hickey onto my skin. The feeling was intense, i could feel my orgasm approaching quickly. My breathing was erratic and i felt my skin getting sticky with sweat.

    “Need you to cum, darling. I know you’re close.” He whispered in my ear, gently biting down on my earlobe.

    His words were all I needed, my vision went blurry as my orgasm took over all of my senses. “Sh-shit,” i groaned.

    “That’s it babe, such a good girl.”

    When my breathing slowed down i turned to look at him, crashing my lips into his. God, I missed him, he knew exactly what to do to make me come undone. I don’t even think I lasted two minutes.

    I was preoccupied with his lips, so I hadn’t noticed his fingers making their way to my entrance until his middle finger started to make its way in.

    “Fuck!” I screamed against his lips. He smirked as he got it all the way in and started pumping his fingers up into my g-spot. I squealed and rolled my hips into his fingers. I was barely over my first orgasm and desperately wanted to reach my second.

  “Shit, Y/N, you’re fucking soaked,” he groaned into my ear. He added another finger causing me to gasp. “This all for me?” I whined something that somewhat sounded like “uh-huh,” in response. He chuckled, speeding up his fingers so they were constantly tapping my most sensitive spot. “Mmmm, need to hear ya say it darling.”

    I was a moaning mess, i could barely focus on his words. He spread his legs more dragging mine along with his. “Oh my god!” I screamed as his fingers moved deeper in me.

    “Say it, Y/N.” He said in my ear.

    “F-fuck! All yours joe! All for you please d-dont stop!” I screamed.

    “Good girl,” he hummed against my neck. “Want ya to look babe,” he said, nudging my head that was resting on his shoulder. “Look how pretty you are with my fingers in you. God, you’re so tight, darling.”

    I pried my eyes open and looked down. I saw his large fingers in my wet cunt and moaned. When he was sure i was looking he sped up once again, not even moving his fingers in and out, just driving them into my g-spot.

    I screamed as my second climax washed over me. He moaned as he felt me clench around him. I was a mess, bucking my hips into his touch.

    He kept his pace, milking my orgasm for all it’s worth.  He moved his free hand and started rubbing my clit as his fingers moved in me.

    The feeling was overwhelming, “F-fuck Joe, i can’t, too much.” I cried out as i tried to close my legs.

    He shook his head, “yes you can babe, know ya can. Give me one more.”

    My eyes rolled back in my head, I felt like I was gasping for air. I could feel myself trying to scoot away from his touch but his body behind me made that impossible.

  “Where ya think you’re going, darling. Gotta give me another,” he whispered.

    The only sound in the room was my screams and the sound of his fingers rocking into my wet core. I whined when i could feel my orgasm approaching quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling like tears could form at any moment.

    “C’mon, darling,” he said through gritted teeth, speeding up the tight circles he was rubbing on my clit.

    I screamed as I felt my climax wash over me, the sounds leaving my mouth sounded like complete jibberish as I tried to speak. I bucked my hips up, as my body shook.

    He finally slowed down his movement, I sighed in relief. “You alright, babe?” I nodded and looked at him through hooded eyes. “Did such a good job,” he said kissing me.

    The kiss was soft and slow, he brought the hand that was rubbing my clit up to my chest and gently running his fingers over my nipples. I moaned at the sensation as his fingers still slowly worked inside of me. 

  He pulled away and stuck his finger in my mouth, humming as I happily sucked on his digit. He brought his wet finger out, using my spit so he could gently glide over my nipple easier. I moaned, my entire body unbelievably sensitive.

    “One more,” he breathed, “one more and I’ll go slow,” he pleaded.

    “Joe,” i whined. He caught my bottom lip in his teeth gently pulling.

    He released my lip, placing a soft kiss to it, “Please, love. Give me one more.” He groaned. “Love making you cum, missed it so much.”

    I groaned as his finger tapped against my g-spot again, “Joseph,” he hummed as he kissed down my neck. “Want your cock, I’ll cum on your cock.”

    “Why not both? Hmmm?” he said against my neck.

    I whined, knowing there was no use in trying to bargain with him. He was determined to make me cum one more time before letting me feel his cock inside me. I sighed and whispered, “okay, one more.”

    He smiled against my neck, he began his same movements as before, but much lighter and slower. Moaning at the sensation, I was so sensitive the light touches were driving me insane.

    “Such a good girl,” he whispered against my ear, “missed your pretty cunt so much, was all I could think about.”

    I whined as he spoke, slowly rolling my hips to meet his fingers. His movements were so slow, but so precise.

    “Kiss me,” i whispered, turning my head to look at him.  He quickly captured my lips, moving slowly against mine. His lips, the slow stroke of his fingers, and the feeling of his chest against my back as he held me close felt extremely erotic.

    I slipped my hand behind me to stroke him through his boxers, he groaned as my hand made contact. He broke our kiss and nudged my cheek with his nose to expose my neck, “fuck, darling, missed your hands.” He left wet kisses along my neck as he slightly sped up his fingers. “C’mon, Y/N, need ya to come again,” he mumbled against my neck. I sped up my hand, arching my back giving me better access to his cock. “Christ, need ya to cum so I can fuck you. Isn’t that what you want, love? Want my cock in your cunt?” He punctuated his question by slowly licking a long stripe up my neck and suckling right under my ear.

    I screamed, lifting my hips up off the bed and clenching hard around his fingers, “Joe! Fuck, need your cock. Missed it s-so much!”

    “There ya go, darling, cum for me.” He growled against my ear.

    On command, I squeezed my eyes shut and let my orgasm wash over me. I was a moaning mess as my body shook against his, his arm wrapping tightly against me to keep me still while his fingers continued it’s assault on my g-spot. I was gasping for air, my head rolling back onto his shoulder.

    He placed soft kisses on my cheek as his fingers began to slow. I relaxed in his arms, he lightly bit down on my cheek making me give a lazy giggle. “Bloody hell, love. That’s was fucking hot,” he squeezed me closer to him. I rolled my head to face him and he gave me a soft smile. “I love you,” he said resting his forehead on mine.

    “I love you,” i whispered keeping my eyes on his, “so much.”

    He placed a soft kiss on my lips before he spoke, “think you can still take my cock? Didn’t tire you out did I?”

    I chuckled, “mmm, Joseph Quinn, did you forget who you’re talking to. I’m a little bit offended.” He gave me a confused smile, “always want your cock, babe.”

    Before I had a moment to think he slipped out from behind me and had me pinned down beneath him. “Good,” he said before crashing his lips on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer to me.

    I smiled into the kiss, wrapping my legs around his waist. My heels scooting his boxers down. I moved my hand from his neck down to the waist band of his boxers, “mmm, get these off.”

    He chuckled, getting on his knees to slide them down. I sat up and peppered wet kisses across his chest, helping him pull them down. His erection sprang free as he lifted each knee before tossing them across the room. I bent down and took the tip of his cock in my mouth, bobbing my head up and down.

    “Fuck, love that gorgeous mouth,” he groaned rutting his hips forward, gathering my hair in a pony tail. I adjusted my position so I could take more of him, humming around him making him shiver. I released him from my mouth with a pop, looking up at him as I traced my tongue along the bottom of his girth. When I reached the top I tapped it against my tongue before placing a kiss to the tip. “Jesus Christ, my little vixen,” he growled before pushing my shoulders so I fell back, “gotta feel ya, darling.”

  I bit my lip as he lowered himself on top of me. I gasped when I felt him lining his tip up to my entrance, running it up my slit. When he reached my clit he slapped his head against it, “shit!” I whined as I tangled my fingers in his hair, “stop teasing.”

  He smiled down at me, “as you wish.” He pushed himself through my folds. I moaned as he slowly thrusted until he bottomed out. He lowered himself on his elbows and I immediately wrapped my legs around his waist again. “Fuck, so tight,” he choked out.

    I brought my lips to his, whining against him. “Shit, Joseph,” I mumbled. His tongue took the opportunity to invade my mouth, dancing with mine. I felt unbelievably content, finally feeling him inside me was pure bliss. I pulled away from his lips, keeping his bottom lip between my teeth. I giggled as I released it and it popped back into place. “Think you got bigger,” I groaned as I rolled my hips against him, “move, please. Fuck me.”

    He leaned on one elbow as he brought a hand to my cheek, slowly starting to thrust into me. He buried his head into my neck, “god you feel so fucking good darling.” I nodded in agreement, moaning his name. “Mmm, that’s it, love. Say my name.”

  He snapped his hips into mine faster, “more, Joe. Need more.”

  He removed his hand from my cheek and hooked his arm under my knee, making his thrusts deeper as he thrusted faster, “shit Y/N.” I dug my nails into his shoulders before dragging them down his back. He lifted his head from my neck and groaned, “feel good, love?”

    I lifted my eyes to meet his gaze, biting my lip hard enough to draw blood and nodded quickly. He lifted my leg further so it was resting on his shoulder, “oh my god!” I screamed as he rocked into my g-spot.

  “Yeah? Right there?” He asked. I kept my nails digging into his lower back as I rolled my hips to meet each thrust. He took one of my hands and placed it on my lower belly, “feel that?”

  I moaned loudly as I could feel each of his thrusts deep in my belly, “S-so deep,” I groaned, my words dragging out.

  He hung his head, his forehead resting against my again, “Fuck, got the best cunt.” He snapped his hips harder, driving me into the mattress. I brought my fingers to my clit, rubbing fast circles. “Gonna cum with me, love?” He asked as he felt my walls clench around him.

  “Uh huh,” I managed to breath out.

    “Mmm,” he hummed, “c’mon, darling. ‘M so close.” He replaced my fingers with his own, going much faster than I was.

    “Jesus f-fucking Christ, keep doing t-that,” I screamed.

    “C’mon,” he spoke through gritted teeth. “Gotta feel it, babe. Wanna feel ya cum on my cock.”

  “Shit, Joe. ‘M so close,” I whined as I felt the familiar knot begin to tighten in my stomach.

    “There ya go,” he mumbled, moving both his hips and fingers faster, “cum for me, Y/N.”

  I kept my eyes locked on his as I came undone on his cock, arching my back and bringing us chest to chest. His eyebrows furrowed as his thrusts grew sloppy.

  “God, squeeze me so good,” he groaned.

  I felt his cock twitch as he came with me. His movements slowed as he crashed his lips into mine, both of us gasping into the kiss. He gave me a sloppy kiss, all tongue and teeth crashing into each other. His thrusts ceased as he collapsed on top of me. I lifted my leg off his shoulder and wrapped it around his hip. “Fuck,” I mumbled against his lips.

  He removed his lips from mine as he rested his head on my shoulder, slowly pulling out of me. He wrapped both arms under me, holding me unbelievably close, “that was amazing,” he hummed.

  We sat there, catching our breath. My fingers gently rubbing up and down his spine before resting against the back of his head. I allowed my eyes to shut as he kissed my neck. I exhaled deeply, feeling so happy to have him back in my arms.

    He lifted off of me and slid down my body, placing random kisses. I whined at the loss of body heat. I tried to pull him back on top of me, but instead felt his tongue run up my folds. I jumped and he chuckled, “we taste good all mixed together.”

  I whined, “I can’t Joseph, it hurts.” It really did, so sensitive that i ached.

    “I know, love.” His breath still fanning over my core, “gonna need you to sit on my face tomorrow though,” he hummed.

  I giggled and brought my hand out for him to shake, he took it and laughed as I said, “you got a deal, Quinn.” He stood, removing himself from my body. I frowned and peeked at him, “where are you going, come back.”

  He walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss, “gonna clean you up.” I smiled, feeling so lucky to have someone take such good care of me. I heard him click on the bathroom light and the sink turn on. I shut my eyes, ready to feel sleep take over my tired body. He turned off the light to the bathroom as well as the lamp that was illuminating the bedroom, I let out a happy sigh. My body jerked when i felt a warm rag on my slit, “shhh, it’s okay,” Joseph cooed.

  He gave a kiss to my inner thigh as he crawled up me, tossing the towel to the floor. He lifted me so he could tuck me into the duvet before sliding in behind me and bring me close to his chest. I felt Mikey jump up onto the bed and curl up next to me. I reached back and brought my hands to his curls. I felt like i could cry, relieved that our little family was back together. “I’m so happy you’re home,” i whispered.

  He pulled me closer, squeezing me tighter, “me too,” he kissed my cheek, “I love you.”

    “I love you, too.” I sighed.

    “Go to sleep, love.” He spoke against my neck, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

    I nodded, mumbling a good night before I drifted off to sleep.

[foundtherightwords]

(most of my fics are CC x OFC unless otherwise stated)

Tom Grant (Make Up)

Winter Light (AO3): angst, slow burn, sickfic, post-canon, non-explicit smut | 5 chapters + optional epilogue, 14.8k

Arthur Havisham (Dickensian)

The Road Forgotten (AO3): angst, slow burn, fix-it, post-canon, revenge, non-explicit smut | 14 chapters, 42.7k

Irresistibly Contagious (AO3): sequel to "The Road Forgotten", Christmas fic, fluff, found family | One-shot, 7k

Billy Knight (Lethal White/Strike)

The Quiet Chaos (AO3): angst, slow burn, developing relationship, post-canon, non-explicit smut | 10 chapters, 36.2K

The Simple Thought of You (AO3): sequel to "The Quiet Chaos", angst, childfree, proposal, non-explicit smut | 3 chapters, 9.2k

Ralph (Timewasters)

All Our Yesterdays (AO3): friends-to-lovers, slow burn, a bit of angst, time travel, post-canon, non-explicit smut | 14 chapters, 53.8k

Come, You Spirits (AO3): sort-of-sequel to "All Our Yesterdays", fluff, funny, spooky, established relationship | One-shot, 4.6k

Time Out in the Upside Down (AO3): "Stranger Things" x "Timewasters" crossover, funny | One-shot, 1.8k

Leonard Bast (Howards End)

Through the World's Far Ends (AO3): Leonard x Helen fix-it, World War I, angst, hurt/comfort | One-shot, 7.2k

Prince Paul (Catherine the Great)

The Firebird (AO3): fairytale AU, magic, adventure, slow burn, non-explicit smut | 16 chapters, 66.7k

Michael (Hoard)

Love, If You're Near (AO3): angst, hurt/comfort | One-shot, 6.8k

Derwin Grunauer (Overlord)

As the Sun Will Rise (AO3): post-WWII, Beauty and the Beast retelling, friends to lovers, non-explicit smut | 21 chapters, 82.3k

Emperor Geta (Gladiator 2)

Fallen Empires (WIP): canon divergent, alternate history, slow burn | 20 chapters, ~70k

Hellcheer Masterlist

[littlefandomfairy]

Tom Grant | Ralph | Billy Knight | Prince Paul | Eric

🩷 (fluff) 🍆 (smut) 😈(angst) 🩹 (hurt/comfort)

* eddie munson fic rec masterlist *

🍝 Tom Grant (Makeup)

morning shenanigans by @littlelioncub43 🩷🍆

5 minutes in heaven by @babybluebex 🩷🍆

🍸 Ralph (Timewasters)

wizard by @babybluebex 🩷🩹

at last (series) by @luv4fandoms (individual warnings)

❤️‍🩹 Billy Knight (Strike)

touched starved Billy by @elliewlums 🩷🩹

Billy craves your touch by @babybluebex 🩷🩹

let me take care of you by @wheels-of-despair 🩷🩹

visiting family for christmas by @mypoisonedvine 🩷🩹

👑 Prince Paul (Catherine The Great)

out of the dark by @babybluebex 🩷🍆😈

🫢 Eric (A Quiet Place: Day One)

a medium place by @babybluebex 🩷🍆

[cantsayidont]

October–November 2017 and March–April 2019. TIMEWASTERS, created by costar Daniel Lawrence Taylor, is an extremely silly sci-fi comedy about a modern-day South London jazz quartet — bitter music nerd Nick (Taylor, second from left), vacuous ladies' man Jason (Kadiff Kirwan, second from right), pathologically cheerful Horace (Samson Kayo, right), and Nick's mercenary younger sister Lauren (Adelayo Adedayo, left) — who encounter a mysterious homeless man with a time machine in a filthy elevator car. This sends the quartet first to 1926 and then (in the second season) to 1958, where they stumble through assorted misadventures, grapple with the many flavors of English racism, and make their living playing jazz covers of pop songs that haven't been written yet (while calling themselves the Wu-Tang Clan!).

Often quite funny, if not always in the best of taste, TIMEWASTERS has a fun premise and a winning cast, but it's awfully scattershot, and the lack of direction means each season starts to drag in the middle even with only six episodes per series. Nick remains kind of a wet blanket throughout, even for a straight man, and although Kirwan, Kayo, and Adedayo are all wonderful comedic actors, it takes a frustratingly long time for Horace and Lauren to come into focus as characters; Jason, who's more clearly defined from the outset, eventually becomes a tad one-note, preoccupied with his multi-generational relationship with a posh white woman named Victoria (played by Liz Kingsman in the first season and Anna Chancellor in the second), who unapologetically fetishizes him. Overall, the show is entertaining fluff, but it would have benefited from tighter plotting and a greater sense of direction.

Before posting this, I had a brief glance in the "#timewasters" tag out of morbid curiosity and was dismayed, though not really surprised, to see that almost everything in that tag was about Victoria's idiot twin brother Ralph, who appears only in the first two episodes and then runs off to join the French Foreign Legion. People of color regularly remark that online fandom would fuck a fence post as long as it was white, but fixating on such an extremely minor white character in a show with four Black leads seems particularly egregious — and ironic, given how much of the comedy of TIMEWASTERS is about the idiocy of white supremacy and racism.

[hayfeverpubliclibrary]

okay, okay, okay, i have commentary:

Ralph, beautiful, sweet Ralph getting on his knees to comfort the reader 😫😫😫😫🥹🥹🥹🥹 His such a lil fashionista, so if he was willing to risk getting mud stains on his custom, one-of-a-kind, specially tailored trousers, then you know that man’s in love. That whole scene was just so sweet!!!

“This is the nicest rejection he’s ever faced.” STOPPP MY WEAK LIL HEART CAN’T TAKE IT 🥺😭😭 I wanna jump into this fic and uppercut anyone who has ever rejected that sweet, adoring gentleman.

“Because you’re mine.” excuse me while i pass away 🫠😫😵‍💫💀💀 Wheels, are you trying to kill me??? BECAUSE HOLY FUCKING HELL!!! 😍😍😍

“This bench has reached its daily crying limit. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow” 🤣🤣🤣 i want this stitched on like a throw pillow or something, cause that’s incredible.

Ralph paying for the all the dresses to be brought to the reader’s house…. i’m not crying, you’re crying *fucking sobs* He really is the best boy <3

In short,

Worth It | Ralph Penbury x You | Masterlist

{<-Previous} [There Is Nothing Wrong with You] {Next->}

Summary: You and Ralph have a heart-to-heart after the shopping incident. Words: 1.9k

Ralph was always nervous when you were late. He wondered if something bad happened to you on the way. Or if your mother had found out who you were really meeting. Or if you'd found someone better. Or that you'd simply decided he wasn't worth your time.

But when you stumbled in to your secret little place today, your eyes and nose were red. He jumped up immediately, gently grasped your arm, and escorted you the final few steps to the bench.

"Are you alright? What's happened?"

"It's nothing, Ralph." He was not convinced.

"It is very clearly something. What's upset you? Is there anything I can do?" You stare at the ground and nudge a twig with your shoe. Ralph desperately wants to press the issue, but with great effort, bites his tongue and opts to let you continue on your own time.

"Why do you meet me out here every day, Ralph?"

Your voice is so quiet when you finally speak, Ralph doesn't think he heard you right. "Pardon?"

You look up at him and ask, louder this time, "Why do you meet me out here every day?"

"Because I enjoy your company?"

You close your eyes and sigh. He panics. Was this the wrong answer? Are you going to leave him?

"Is that not the answer you were looking for? Tell me what you want to hear, and I will say it."

"Why, Ralph?"

"Because I adore you!" You shake your head and look away. He feels a sinking feeling in his gut. "Do you doubt that I adore you?"

"How could you, Ralph?"

How could he? What had he done? "If I've done something to displease you, please tell me what it is so I can apologize and correct my mistake."

You lean forward and place your head in your hands. Ralph racks his brain, trying to think of anything he's done that could have distressed you so.

"Please, tell me what I've done to upset you. Whatever it is, I'm sorry, and it will never happen again."

You sob. SOB. Ralph has made you sob. He launches himself to the ground, on his knees in front of you, prepared to beg for forgiveness. He places his hands on your knees, and you sit up out of shock.

"Ralph, what are you doing, you're going to get dirty down there."

"I don't care, please tell me what I've done, and let me atone for it."

"You haven't done anything, Ralph."

"Then tell me what's wrong!"

"This."

"This?"

"This, Ralph. This is what's wrong." Ralph has never been more lost in his life. "Look at you," you gesture, "and look at me." He follows your instructions, and still has no idea what you're talking about.

You heave a sigh and continue.

"In what world could this possibly work? You're bright, you're funny, you're handsome… you're perfect, Ralph. You're everything a girl should want. And I'm…" you gesture vaguely to yourself, "this. I'm plain, I'm boring. Hell, I'm one gray hair away from being officially declared a spinster. Why are we still pretending this could work?"

Ralph feels his heart break. It's happening again. This is the nicest rejection he's ever faced. Even in the final moments of your relationship, you're so kind that you make it sound almost as if you don't think you're good enough for him.

Wait.

Is that it?

"Do you not think you're…" He's not sure how to say it politely. If he's read this wrong, it will be the death of him. Possibly literally.

"I'm not good enough for you, Ralph." It's like you read his mind.

Ralph lets out a surprised laugh, and your eyes fill with tears. "No, no," he reaches forward and places his hands on yours. "I've been trying to convince myself that I'm good enough for you this whole time." You scoff. "Really," he continues, "you're the smartest person I know. And the kindest. And definitely the prettiest. I lie awake at night and worry that you'll meet someone more handsome, or less annoying, in the hours we're not together."

"You don't have to lie to me, Ralph."

"I'm not! I swear it, I'm not!"

"Ralph, you cannot honestly look at me and say I'm the prettiest person you know."

He makes a point to look deep into your eyes, and then he says firmly, "you are the prettiest person in the world." Because you're mine, he thinks. He still sees the doubt in your face, but he can't look away. You close your eyes, and another tear streaks down your cheek. He brings his hands to cup your face.

"Who's put these wicked thoughts into your head, darling?" Ralph Penbury is not a violent man, but he's prepared to fight whoever is responsible for this.

You turn your head and begin to shake. He comes closer to hold you and whisper soothing things in your ear until eventually, you begin to calm down. You take a shaky breath and look at him, then laugh. He's never met a more confusing person in his life.

"You should get off that cold ground and back up here before you catch your death. This is going to take a while." He smiles and joins you on the bench once more, sitting sideways and holding your hands in the middle as you begin telling your tale.

"And then I ran out, leaving all those clothes for the sales girl to put away. Poor Anna was so nice to me. I took up half her morning, and she didn't even get a commission out of me. I'll never be able to show my face there again."

"What shop was this?"

You tell him the name, picturing sweet Anna staring miserably at all the dresses she'd have to hang back up by herself.

"I cannot tell you how sorry I am about my sister."

"She's not your fault," you chuckle.

"I know," he says, "but she ought not say such things."

"She wasn't wrong," you say, picking at the fabric of your dress.

"She was."

You shoot him a look. He doesn't need to lie to you.

"You don't have to dress differently because of me."

"It wasn't… just because of you." He looks at you curiously, and your eyes return to the twig-covered ground. "I just…" You struggle with your words, wanting to explain that it wasn't for him, but because of him. Since Ralph had entered your life, everything felt different. YOU felt different. Like maybe you didn't want to be the boring girl who was just there, blending into the background, anymore. But how do you put something like that into words without sounding crazy? You sigh in resignation. "I just thought it was time to try something different."

"I quite like the way you look."

"Right," you said sarcastically. He tried, you'll give him credit for that.

"Really," he insists, "your fashion sense makes you look distinguished."

"Old-fashioned," you counter.

"Elegant," he offers.

"Antique."

"Dignified."

"Primitive."

"Appealing."

"Like a potato."

"Stop that!"

"Ralph, no one bats an eye when they see us together because they think, 'oh look at that kind young man, helping that dear old schoolmarm who's misplaced her glasses, what a gentleman!'"

"You're only a year older than me!"

You laugh. Your mood has improved greatly after your talk with Ralph, and you're only playing with him. However, he hasn't quite caught on yet. You watch the realization dawn on his frowning face. His furrowed brow shoots up, and then lowers as he tilts his head with the faintest trace of a glare. He's never able to look angry for more than a few seconds at a time. It's adorable.

"I don't like it when you talk about yourself that way," he says quietly.

"And I don't like it when you do, either," you match his tone. "You're not annoying. And finding someone as handsome as you would be a real challenge. Especially on the short walk between home and here, since this is practically the only place I ever go," you say with a wink.

He blushes and looks down at your hands, which he's still holding, after all this time.

"I suppose you're wondering why?"

You cock an eyebrow.

"Why I haven't proposed," Ralph clarifies. You'd left nothing out of your unfortunate shopping story.

"Ralph, I'm not fishing for a proposal," you attempt a smile.

"You don't think it insulting that you're the only girl in London I haven't proposed to?" he asks bitterly.

"Should I?" It comes out a little more harsh than you intended, and he flinches. You immediately feel a pang of guilt.

"How many girls have you proposed to?" you ask, your voice softening. You'd always thought the rumors of Ralph's marriage obsession were overblown, but now he had you worrying.

"Three."

"Three?"

"Three," he confirms.

You laugh. He looks at you as if he's offended.

"That's all? Three?" You laugh harder. "Ralph, the way everyone talks, I thought you were at least in the double digits. Three is nothing!"

He still looks downtrodden. "It's still three rejections. Don't you want to know what's wrong with me? There's a list."

"Ralph, there is nothing wrong with you. You just picked girls who weren't ready for all the love you have to give. It's their loss."

Ralph's eyes begin to water.

"Stop that," you order. "This bench has reached its daily crying limit. You'll have to wait until tomorrow."

He laughs.

The next morning, you were putting a book back on the shelf in the library when you heard a commotion in the entrance hall. Peeking your head out, you saw a large stack of boxes accumulating near the front door. You came out to investigate.

"What's all this?" you asked Nancy, the pretty blonde maid, who was holding the door open.

"Didn't you go shopping yesterday?"

"I didn't buy anything." You look for a tag or a card, and then sweet Anna appears in the doorway with her hands full of shopping bags.

"Hello again, miss!"

"Anna, I was coming back, honest--"

"I know, miss, you told me yesterday. But the young gentleman dropped in last night and said to send over everything you'd tried on, so you could see it in your own light. I think this is everything. You can bring back anything you don't want, or have it altered for free, as one of our preferred customers. It's all taken care of."

"Excuse me?"

"The young gentleman took care of everything. He even picked out a few things for you himself. Some of the best things in the shop!"

Your hand comes to cover your mouth, not knowing what to say.

Sweet Anna moves aside as the driver stacks the last of the boxes next to Nancy. "Please let us know if we can do anything else for you, miss. Hope to see you again soon!"

You nod and manage to croak out a "thank you" as she returns to the car, smiling from ear to ear. You're guessing Anna got her commission, and then some, from "the young gentleman."

You watch the car pull away and turn back to Nancy, who is staring at you with a devilish twinkle in her eye.

"There was a sale."

"Sure there was," she laughs.

"Not a word," you say in what you hope is a mildly threatening voice.

"A word about what? A successful shopping trip with a girlfriend?"

"This is why you're my favorite."

You and Nancy laugh and begin hauling boxes up to your room.

[stinkysam]

–TIMEWASTERS

Ralph

The dance - (angst)

Secrecy - (fluff)

[busyralph]

pov; —

you and ralph take some well-deserved rest & relaxation in a quaint little beach town somewhere in southern europe. secluded enough for you both to not get hounded in public, just in tune enough with the world that ralph's reputation can wrangle you some extra special experiences. dating an accidental influencer with all the charm of a victorian gentleman certainly has its perks.

(as requested by anonymous)

[piastrinorris]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

masterlist | prev. | next

Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, drug content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 8.8k

A/N: Here it is, folks. The one you've all been waiting for. Enjoy. <3

I might have been a tiny wee bit self indulgent at one point in particular. Bet you can't tell where.

You frown as you swipe to answer the call from Scott. "Who died?"

"Woooow," a very familiar sarcastic response rings through your ear. "Can't a friend just call up another in this day and age?" You let the silence linger just long enough for him to then add, "Yeah, I'm chatting shit. No, I was going to ask, are you running late?"

You frown, "No, I'm not long about to close up now. Why'd you ask?"

"Well, Ralph texted me." He puts on a voice, the way you all do when talking about your flatmate. "Good afternoon, Scott. I hope you have been keeping well, and that the snow hasn't interrupted your daily life. I would like to request your assistance, I am aware that we have been tasked with making dessert for the Pal Valentine's Day meal later, but unfortunately I have noticed that we are severely lacking in eggs. I was simply wondering if, by chance you could bring some up to the flat? I would be most grateful, and willing to more than compensate you financially! Regards, Ralph."

You groan, "I asked him to get eggs this morning, he didn't want to because there were kids throwing snowballs and he was scared he'd get caught up in it. I told him to suck it up, because they can smell fear, but he's clearly too chicken-shit to go out there."

"Aww, he's never even had a snowball fight before? What even was his childhood?!" You rasp, hoping to quickly evade that topic. "Oh my god, you thinking what I’m thinking?”

You grin, “I think I am. You wanna rally the troops?”

“On it.”

You look up from your phone, still giggling, to see two of your sales assistants watching you, looking at each other and waggling their eyebrows at each other. You shake your head, “At this point, you’re well beyond barking up the wrong tree! My friend Scott and I are planning something,” you flash your eyes mischievously, and they tut back at you.

“Well, at this point, it’s not like we were expecting you to have some hot date on the other end of the line, is it?” One of them jokes, nudging the other as they run off and busy themselves at the other end of the store, still cackling.

“You two are lucky you’re my favourites!” You shout after them with a laugh. “Can I trust you to close up tonight?”

“Nah, we’re gonna loot the place,” one answers with a false sincerity.

“You poor sods won’t find much here,” you point out. “But thank you, you’re the best!” You singsong as you head past them to the back room.

“Then pay us more!” Another jokes.

“If I had control over who earns what, d’you not think I’d have done that by now? You wound me,” you dramatically push your hand to your chest as you walk backwards through the door out of the main shop floor. Once you’ve collected all your belongings, and put on all your layers, it’s pretty much time to close anyway. You salute your colleagues with a, “Godspeed getting home tonight,” and brave the cold.

Since the roads hadn’t been salted by the time you needed to get to work, you’d walked there, and while you would much rather be sitting in a heated car than feeling your cheekbones freeze over, it’s quite nice to walk through the streets of Croydon, watching the thick snow fall with the slightest bit of sun still peeking through. A gentle little reminder that longer, warmer days are just around the corner, and that winter’s soon at an end.

You’re greeted in front of your tower block by all your friends, all with varying expressions. Scott and Connor are eagerly plotting, Anna still looks a little unsure, and Grace just looks like she’s fed up of the cold. “So, what’s the plan, who’s getting him to come downstairs?” you ask once you’re with them.

“That’s what we were just deciding,” Scott replies.

“My suggestion was that Anna would be the least suspicious, but she wants no part of this,” Connor pulls a face and Anna slaps his arm.

“Shut up! I still think it’s mean,” she frowns, and you hold her arm comfortingly.

“Listen, who’d you rather be the first people to engage Ralph in any kind of snow fight, us or those little pricks up there?” You jerk your head over to where a group of middle school-age boys are playing around together. 

She sighs, “Fine, but I’m aiming for his feet, okay?”

“Aw, but it’s fifty points if you hit his face,” Scott teases.

“Okay, okay, before Grace gets hypothermia, let’s just get this over and done with, shall we?” You ask, and Grace nods from somewhere beneath her fluffy hood. “Scott, he asked you to pick up those eggs, didn’t he? Just make up some guff about how they’ve locked the front doors so he needs to come push the button to let you in.”

Scott nods, texts something, and within a few minutes pumps his fist with excitement. “Okay, he says he’ll do it! I told him to wrap up and let me know when he’s on his way down.”

“Tell him you’ve had to step away from the doors so it doesn’t look like you’re loitering,” Connor adds, “so he can’t just run back.”

“Okay, this does feel a little mean, now,” you admit, and Anna looks at you incredulously.

“No, no, you don’t get to back out now! Not after all that talking me round!”

“Yeah, c’mon, you two have been smooth sailing for ages now, surely there’s something that you can only get off your chest by a one-time snowball pelting?” Scott asks, and you think for a moment.

“He did watch the rest of that new show we were watching without me and then spoiled the ending,” you ponder.

“Jail.” Grace pulls her hood back momentarily to stare at you with wide, serious eyes.

You nod, “Yeah. Or a snowball to the shoulder. Both are the same punishment, I think.”

“Totally,” Connor sneers, and you and Grace both flip him off - or you assume that’s why she’s holding the back of her hand up to him, it’s hard to tell with her wearing mittens, but it does put everyone into a heap of laughter.

Connor’s phone beeps, and he gasps as he looks at his screen. “Alright, gang, he’s on his way down! Lock and load.”

You all get into position, snowballs in gloved hands, as you watch Ralph push the door open with ease, walk through it and look back with a frown. He tentatively moves forward one cautious step at a time, his big baby-cow eyes darting around all the while. You all hide a little further back each time until he’s inevitably in line with you all. He looks at Scott first, then his hand, then around at all of you. “Oh, fiddlesticks,” he whispers.

“This is for your own good, mate,” Connor grimaces as you all throw your missiles at him. With a half-scream, half-squawk sound, Ralph tensely curls himself up in self-defence, holding that position long after he’s been hit. “See, mate, that wasn’t so bad, was it? And that was all of us!”

“I thought you were all my friends,” he glares indignantly at you all, and you nod.

“Yeah, which is why we did it knowing you wouldn’t get hurt,” you point out. “You’re alright now, aren’t you?” He nods tentatively. “See? And the best bit, is now it’s your turn, and you get pick of the lot as to who you hit first.”

“Just hit me first, if you like, I won’t mind, and I won’t hit you again, either,” Anna shrugs, but Ralph studies all of you.

“Who’s idea was this?” He eventually asks Anna, who quickly points to you and Scott.

“Wooooow,” Scott shakes his head, but Anna simply flips him off.

Ralph bends down, eyes still flitting between all of you, as he grabs two handfuls of snow and immediately flings them both at the two of you. While you get a tiny little lump that just grazes your chest, at least he landed it with Scott, as that one flew out of his grip and straight into Scott’s mouth. A laugh bubbles out of Ralph’s lips and you all grin back at him.

“Okay, that was good, but a good snowball is two handfuls, smushed together into, yeah, that’s it, just like- ack!” Connor is silenced and humbled by Ralph throwing his third and far bigger snowball, straight into his stomach. “Prick,” he laughs as he scoops another one up to toss at Ralph again, who manages to evade it this time. “Mine was way bigger than theirs!” He makes another, adding, “Although, while I’m here, if you’re not retaliating…” Before extending himself to standing and throwing one at Anna with an almost evil cackle.

Anna gasps, “Only not to Ralph, asshole!” And throws one back at him with a giggle.

Before long, you’re all running around, including Ralph, throwing snowballs at each other and laughing like you were kids again. You’d never had thought, at your big age, that this is how you’d be spending a snowy day, but it brings back good memories of you and your four oldest friends, knocking at each other’s doors after the local news had announced that your school was closed, taking old bin lids up the steepest hills you could climb to slide down again. You look over at Ralph, with the apples of his cheeks glowing as red as his ears and the tip of his nose from all the cold, his whole face lit up as he catapults snowballs in the strangest fashion, and wonder what snow days must have been like for him. Obviously, he wasn’t sledding down hills on bin lids, but you’d have thought he and Victoria and their friends would have had friendly snowball fights. Though, you remember, from what you’ve learned of Victoria and her friends, perhaps those weren’t so friendly when aimed at Ralph.

Your thoughts are interrupted when another snowball hits Ralph, though not from any direction that any of you are standing. You all look over to the gang of young boys, snickering at each other for having landed one on “one of the oldies”, especially commending the offender for “getting the posh one”.

Though rage boils through all of you, it’s Grace, already warmed up from running around, who pushes her hood back to give them all a death stare and tell them, “You’ll regret that.”

As though called to arms, the five of you form a protective wall in front of Ralph and start hurling snowballs at the group of pre-teens at top speed until one of them yells, “Alright, alright, truce! Mercy! Whatever word gets you to stop!”

Just as you all stop, one more snowball flies up above all of you. Over your heads, down, down, and lands perfectly on top of the head of the kid that the others were praising for hitting Ralph. All your friends spin around on the spot so that all of you, as well as the boys, could stare in disbelief at Ralph, who has a small but very proud smile on his face. “Oi, that was sick!” One of the boys yells out. You mouth to Ralph that that’s a good thing as the other boys start laughing and cheering for him, too.

“Okay, alright, we’ve all had our fun,” you start holding your hands up in the air, “but this isn’t getting Palentine’s dinner ready, is it?”

“Isn’t it Valentine’s? That’s tomorrow, innit?” One of the boys answers.

“Nah, isn’t Pal-a-tine the wrinkly geezer from Star Wars?” Another asks.

“I thought it was that place that’s always fighting with Israel,” another comments.

“Maybe pay more attention to your teachers, yeah?” You ask them with a slight nod. You turn to the others. “Still meeting at Anna’s?” You ask, and they all non-verbally confirm. “Cool, see you guys in a bit. Ralphie!” You shout for him and he springs to attention, practically jumping to stand next to you. You smirk, “Ready to go get those eggs I asked for this morning?” He nods sadly and you nudge him towards the row of shops.

As you walk away, Ralph mutters, “I know I’m not supposed to interfere with knowledge about those world wars, but have there really already been ones in space, too?”

Had the snowball incident not already happened, you’d have absolutely messed with Ralph by convincing him that Star Wars were actual battles that took place in outer space. However, enough guilt consumes you that you correct him by trying to explain the entire movie franchise to him as you buy the eggs you need. Though he listens intently and nods attentively, you can tell from the vacant look in his eyes that nothing’s really going in, but at least he’s trying.

Baking with Ralph sounds like a nightmare, but he’s a diligent little helper when he’s trying. He measures your ingredients for you and he’s quick to wash up your equipment once you’re done with it. You’d only planned to go for the safe option of a simple sponge cake, predicting disaster, but the speed at which you’re all done leaves you pleasantly surprised. You’re even able to snap a little photo for Ralph’s instagram without him noticing. Once you’re all dolled up, he suggests you both take one to “show” his instagram and twitter accounts, but you opt to keep that one for just the camera roll. You’ve not seen or heard any speculation about your potential love life revolving around Ralph, and you’d like to keep it that way.

Once you finally get to Anna’s, after explaining that the boys outside of your flats had since decided to gather all the snow in the street to make one giant snowball, and had recruited you and Ralph to roll it when it got too big for them to, until you two couldn’t either. “Perfectly understandable reason,” Connor nods in understanding, and the others agree.

Once all the food is laid out, you’re glad that you all a) worked up an appetite and b) ended up pushing dinner back on top of that, because everybody preparing separate dishes has definitely overestimated what six portions of each part should be. Regardless, it’s another night of eating food, chatting away and ending with dancing around Anna’s living room, much like Ralph’s second night with you.

Another morning of February 14th, another empty bed to wake up in. You sit up, stretching out your arms, and grab your phone to look through the folder in your phone labelled “shitty mspaint valentines” to send to your friends and some of your coworkers, to make them laugh. You’re met with some laughing reactions, some rebuttals and a couple of reactions that you can tell were written with a sarcastic eye roll, which only spurs you on more.

You also post a photo you took yesterday to Ralph’s instagram, to keep his brand alive:

You’re about to drag yourself out of bed when the door opens to reveal Ralph, holding out a tray with two plates piled with waffles, two glasses of fruit juice and two mugs of tea. You watch him carefully set it at the foot of the bed and then sit next to you with your lower lip out in an affectionate pout. “Aww, Ralphie, what’s all this about?”

“Well, usually tradition would have it that Father and I would take Mother and Victoria breakfast in bed on St Valentine’s Day morning, as a tradition, and so Victoria insisted that tradition still be upheld even after our parents… Well, let’s not already put a dampener on the day before it starts! You’ll have to forgive the absence of flowers, I used to have the luxury of picking them out of the garden, but none of the plants in the flat are flowering, and it would be criminal of me to steal from others’ gardens, and all the florists were specifically selling bundles that were far too big for such a gesture, an-”

“Deep breath,” you coach him as you put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It’s sweet that you still wanted to uphold your little tradition. You know, my dad used to leave me and Mum Valentine’s cards on the doormat, each from “a secret admirer”, though it used to terrify me at first because I didn’t realise it was him!” You pull a face as you take a bite out of a waffle, and Ralph laughs softly. “’Course, after a while, it’d get a bit embarrassing having your dad be your Valentine, but hey, it was one more than I’ve been getting these past few years!” You finish your mouthful and wave the rest of the waffle at him. “These are pushing the boat out for you! Get you!”

“Yes, my dear American friend recommended them to me! And I managed to successfully cook them in the toaster oven!” Ralph chimes gleefully.

“Look at you go!” You beam proudly. “Soon enough, you won’t even need me!”

“Oh, don’t be preposterous,” he mutters under his breath just before taking a big sip of his tea. “Any plans for the day?”

“You mean, other than beating the hoards of men waiting for me outside that door with a stick?” You joke, and Ralph chuckles lightly. You shake your head. “Might just do another self-care day. Be my own Valentine, as if things weren’t sad enough!”

“Well, perhaps I could join you, and we would be our own ones together,” Ralph offers. He awaits your reaction with bated breath. If that goes well, perhaps he could segue into asking you to be his actual Valentine, and that would be at least one more step above simply being housemates, over being bedmates, even.

You take a deep breath in. Maybe you could ask Ralph if he’s willing to take it the slightest step further and be each other’s Valentines. It’s just an arbitrary title, really, but at least you’d have one this year. And, whenever Ralph finally leaves, at least you can remember him as more than just your flatmate who you platonically shared a bed with. Wistfully reminiscing over a Valentine does sound more romantic.

But, you have to respect his boundaries. If he felt comfortable enough to make you breakfast in bed, he would have accompanied it with a request for you to be his, but he didn’t. He’s offering to be his own Valentine, parallel to you. Message received. “That’d be nice!” You put all your effort into trying not to sound disappointed.

It works, as Ralph reads your reaction as being very happy with that idea, and he daren’t tread over that line. “Very well. So, what does being your own Valentine mean?”

“For me? Junk food, junk TV, and in this weather, wearing at least two blankets at all times,” you count off on your fingers, making Ralph laugh. “Though I better head out and get you some of your favourites, too.”

He frowns, “There’s no need, you’ll catch your death of cold out there!”

“I mean, obviously I’d get dressed first,” you pull a face. “But yeah, you deserve to get spoiled a little, too. I mean, you did all this for me,” you gesture to the tray, but Ralph rasps flippantly. “Plus,” you add with a smirk, “don’t want you hoarding all my favourite snacks.”

“There it is!” Ralph grins, pointing a finger to you and leaning in so it hovers close to your nose, making you laugh.

“You caught me!” You hold your hands up in mock guilt. “I’ll head out in a bit, okay?”

Once breakfast is over, and you’ve washed up after you both despite Ralph insisting he would do it and trying to get in - which resulted in some rather creative ways of blocking him out of the kitchen - you get dressed ready to brave yet another cold front.

You know what Ralph’s most favourite sweets are. Jelly Babies. But the ones he loves the most aren't the kind you can get from any shop - of course not, that would be too easy, and this is Ralph. No, his favourites come from an old fashioned sweet shop that lives on the same street as the shop he works in. You remember its location vividly. as you'd made a point to think about memorising it and nothing else the day you'd dropped off a treat to Ralph while at work and seen his latest idea in action - an immersive display where he dresses up to fit in with it too. But you'd firmly blocked that mental image out of your head. Of him surrounded by Wild West imagery while wearing a cowboy hat, a plaid shirt and very well-fitting jeans. You definitely hadn’t focused on that at all.

The trek to the old high street is a long one, especially since the snow that wasn’t quite gritted over had formed a barrier of sludge along the roadside that was creeping into the remnants of yesterday’s clean, soft, crunchy snowfall. You make the most of the childlike wonder that comes from stomping through it while you can, before it inevitably ices over into a deathly lumpy terrain.

You spot someone ahead hobbling through the snow, walking in your direction. You watch them carefully, unsure whether to try and help, casually walk past or actively avoid them, when an unmistakably pungent aroma precedes them. You study them a little closer and shout in recognition, “Homeless Pete!”

The man looks up and grunts at you. “How‘ve you been? Not seen you in ages!” He shrugs. Heart sinking, you note, “You were walking with quite a purpose there. Headed anywhere in particular?” Your fears are confirmed when he points over to the block of flats Ralph showed you that he’d emerged from almost half a year ago. “Oh… Today? It’s working?!” You ask, feeling your heart hurl through the ground. He nods, then gestures to you and flashes you a hopeful look. “What?! No! Not me! No, d’you remember, you brought a guy back with you from the 20s? Well, not these 20s, the nineteen-twenties.” 

He looks blankly at you. You groan, “Please don’t tell me you’re some kind of past Pete who doesn’t know about Ralph, I don’t need a migraine today.” The name seems to resonate with Pete, which is promising. “Yes! Ralph! You remember! He was all dressed up like he was in the army! And he ended up coming back with you! And then he ended up with me! S’pose I better… Could you hold off on using it until I can get him there, too?” Your words hang heavy with sadness, but you knew this day was coming.

Pete stands there in silence for a moment, thinking. He traces the air from time to time, then claps his hands, making you jump. He mimes scratching at a beard along his own stubble-covered jaw. “You mean, you’ve seen Ralph with a beard now?” He nods, pointing downwards in front of himself. “You’ve spoken to him?” Another nod. Pete looks up at the tower block, then at you, gestures with two hands towards the building, then makes an X shape with his arms, waving them down. 

“Please just fucking speak, mate.” You sigh, but he just repeats his actions. As you look lost again, he holds his two hands out again, but stops, looking at you in waiting. “So, that’s you and Ralph?” You guess, and he nods. He moves his hands up towards the building. “You and Ralph went to the place with the… Time machine.” Saying it out loud still sounds insane, even after all this time. He holds one hand close to him, and waves the other one out at you. “Is that one meant to be him?” Another nods, and then the crossed-arms gesture. You frown. “Ralph… Didn’t go in with you?” He shakes his head. “Why not?” He shrugs.

The sorrow and confusion you’ve been feeling this whole conversation start to curdle into all kinds of other feelings. There’s still some confusion there, but mostly it’s anger, frustration, disbelief. He knew how cautious you were about this day finally arriving. He knew of all the countless sleepless nights you’d spent trying to figure out things like how to hide him from your landlord, what to do if he ever falls ill. He knew that every time you picked up your post, you feared a letter from the government with big red letters asking to confirm the identity of the man who’s been claiming to live there despite not being legally registered to. He knows that you’ve been up until all hours some nights searching desperately for some kind of explanation for this phenomenon, since it can’t just be something that only Homeless Pete knows about.

Things had been going so well, especially since Christmas. You’d made peace with the fact that the clock was very much ticking with how long you’d have left with Ralph, and especially after Brighton, you had been telling yourself over and over to not sweat the small stuff, and to just enjoy having him around. You’d figured that with your feelings for him growing stronger the more that he’s around, it’s better for everyone if, instead of constantly counteracting them with the negatives, you’d just let yourself get over him quietly. 

Maybe you should have been more forceful. Created more boundaries. Made it more obvious that he can’t just cheat his own fate, who knows what kind of damage he’s done to… Literally the entire universe, anything could be possible! You’d thought you’d always made it so clear to Ralph to always be preparing for the day he goes back. That no matter how great the life is he’s made for himself here, at the end of the day, all this is, is a learning experience for him to take this level of confidence back with him to his own time.

Forgoing the sweet shop, and any other shop for that matter, you make a beeline home, your steps far more deliberate and angry than the gentle march you had been taking through the snow. Even the sight of the lift in your building angers you, so you push your way up the stairs up until the ninth floor, storming through your front door.

Ralph looks over at you from where he sits on the sofa, delight on his face, which quickly falls when he sees your expression. “Is everything alright?”

“Is it?!” You screech. “Have a guess who I saw out there.”

He frowns. “I’m not sure, I didn’t quite think there was anyone out there who upset you to that degree. Would you like some tea or something to calm down?”

“Don’t you dare tell me to ‘calm down’ when you are the reason I haven’t felt ‘calm’ for almost six months now!” You hold your forehead, and Ralph looks back at you, confused, sad and a little scared.

“I - I quite apologise, is there something I’ve done that’s brought this -”

“Don’t you go giving me the ‘oh, yes, quite’ spiel,” you mock his tone, “not when you’ve been lying to me under my own roof! I trusted you!” You stop yourself when you hear your voice crack at that last sentiment.

He swallows hard. “In what respect have I been dishon-”

“I saw H.P. while I was out, didn’t I?! Going towards that block of flats. So I tell him, I say, oh hang about, Pete, let me go grab Ralph so he can go back. And what do you think he told me?!” You ask, now stood next to the couch, squatting down to get eye level with Ralph.

His eyes dart as he wrings his hands, his eyes squeezing shut and open over and over again. “Yes, well, you see, that -”

“Right, all this umm-ing and ahh-ing is just… Annoying me even more,” you state, rubbing your temples. “I just want the facts, Ralph.”

“You said not to talk about anything from that weekend,” he mutters, and you look at him in disbelief.

“You’ve been holding out on me about this since November?!” You ask incredulously.

“You said! Not to talk! About anything! From that weekend!” Ralph jumps to his feet, punctuating every gap in his sentence with a chop to his palm.

You stand back up to level with him. “Yeah, as in all the shit about - God, are we really gonna drag all of that into light again, now?!”

“Well, if we could just talk about it, calmly,” Ralph gesticulates, but you scoff.

“You gave up all rights to that the moment you started lying to me,” your voice shakes. “It’s you, Ralph. You’re the one person I don’t expect to lie to me, since I don’t lie to you.”

He rasps in disbelief. “That’s not entirely true, now, is it? Or else you wouldn’t react so harshly. There’s something you’re hiding from me, isn’t there? Has your sense of charity finally worn, is that it?” He speaks with the venom in his tone that you’ve only ever heard whenever he’s talking about himself. “What, have you been counting the days down until you could throw me back out? Is that why you’re up until the ungodly hours, researching how to get rid of me sooner?”

You groan, pressing your fingers into your eyelids. “You can’t keep doing this, you can’t just keep making yourself the victim here when that obviously isn’t what I want!”

“Ah, yes, well, you must forgive me for not realising sooner that everything here is exactly as it always has been for my entire life,” Ralph spits. “People pretending to care about me to then use me for my money, or my social status, is one thing, but I have nothing here. Nothing but… Being a pitiful little man.”

“How many more times are we going to have this argument, Ralph? Everybody loves you here!” You punctuate every syllable of the first word with claps. “It’s not just because they pity you, because they don’t know you! They don’t know how you got here, or anything about your shitty family, people just like you! You have to stop being so narrow-minded and start seeing how this,” you gesture in circles in front of him, “affects the rest of us! Especially me, I’m out here having to - to keep track of what secrets I’m keeping and what lies I’m telling to who.”

“Yes, well. Nobody asked you to,” he mutters, looking at the floor.

Your blood now boiling, and all rationality out of the window, you scoff, “Oh, so now you’re ungrateful?!” His eyes snap to yours, but you carry on before he can interrupt you again. “I put my job on the line every time I have to leave early for you. I put my entire livelihood on the line harbouring a fugitive that doesn’t legally exist anywhere, not to mention that I have no clue what to do if you ever need urgent medical attention, if my landlord suddenly decides to kick me out, I don’t know how I’m going to keep them from finding out about you and potentially charging me a fuckton extra, I just - You can’t just think about everything I risk for you even once, can you?”

He frowns, “How dare you say that I don’t care?! I keep a healthy diet, despite all the times you decide we’ll just take away food instead, I keep to myself as much as possible other than the things that you have me do, and whenever I do leave the flat, I leave no trace that I was ever here!”

“Look, we’re getting away from the main problem, here, and I’m not skirting around it any more,” you shake your head. “Why did you lie to me?”

“Strictly speaking, I’ve never told a lie, merely omitted my meeting with Peter from any conversation between you and I,” he points out, and you scowl at him. He sighs, “But you don’t understand. If I told you that, you’d want to know why. And I can’t - there are far bigger things at play here,” he shakes his head.

You look at him in disbelief, “Like what?! Are you some kind of time-travelling spy? An intergalactic detective?”

“Clearly not,” Ralph scoffs.

“Then what, Ralph?” You raise your voice. “What possible reason do you have for - for causing me all that grief all those months ago, just to then go against the one thing you were supposed to do, putting the fate of whatever’s out there at risk all while only living the life of half a person, hm? Why would you choose to stay here like this?!”

“Because I’m in love with you, obviously!”

You and Ralph stare at each other for what feels like hours of silence. His wide, terrified eyes boring into yours as his whole face turns red. His lip quivers and then, suddenly, he pushes past you as you’re still frozen on the spot. You just about turn around to see the last of him rush out of the door, carrying his shoes in his hand.

His coat still hangs on the door, and you can see the snow is falling again. Not realising you’d been holding a breath in the whole time, you groan it out as you grab his coat, wrapping it around your arm to avoid it dragging on the floor, and head out to follow him. You see the display above the lift counting down and curse yourself for having worn yourself out on the way up here earlier.

You huff your way back down the stairs and try to find any trace of where Ralph could have gone. You study the footprints in the snow, vaguely recognising some in the shape of Ralph’s shoes, and decide that it’s as good a lead as any to try and follow them, though they quickly disappear once you get to the main street area. You notice someone loitering and decide it’s worth a shot.

Running across the road to meet them, you ask, “I know this sounds strange, but have you seen a guy go past? Had on a fuzzy blue jumper and no coat, I mean like -”

“Like he was wearing the Cookie Monster’s skin?” They ask with amusement. You sigh with relief, nodding hurriedly and they point, “Went towards the old high street, looked like he was tweaking.”

You thank them and start running as quickly as the resistance from the snow will allow you. It doesn’t help that the wind happens to be blowing the snowfall directly into your face, causing you to constantly stop to rub your eyes or sputter at whatever lands on your mouth.

Once you get back to the street you’d just been to moments before, you sigh with exhaustion as there doesn’t seem to be any trace of him. You still begin pacing the street, looking in every shop window that you pass. You wonder whether he’s hiding at his work, where you wouldn’t be able to get near him, and whether it would be worth asking in there. You’re on good enough terms with his colleague now, and perhaps the eclectic owner of the store might lift your spirits a little. There’s an awful lot of emotional weights on your chest right now, and you’re not sure which ones you’re supposed to be holding. You’re not entirely sure of anything right now, other than that you need to find Ralph.

Not paying attention to what’s in front of you at all, you end up almost vaulting over some poor baby’s stroller as their mother tries to get past you. “Oh my god, I am so sorry!” You apologise hurriedly, and she looks at you with a weirdly knowing smile.

“You looking for the guy who’s been cutting about in just his jumper?” She asks, gesturing to the coat in your arms.

Your eyes widen, “Yes! Oh my god! Have you seen him?!”

“Nice fella, helped me get the little’un across the road amongst all the snow. Really posh?” You nod again, hoping to egg her along. She eventually tells you, “Yeah, I told him to hurry up and get inside, he’ll catch his death! He went over there, towards them flats.” You don’t even need to look in the direction she’s pointing to know where she means.

You thank her profusely, adding a, “Cute baby!” over your shoulder as you quickly make your way down to your next clue.

Thankfully, it’s more than just that, as you find Ralph leaning against the wall of the building just next to the front door, squatting not far from the ground, his arms crossed over his torso and his head sunk low.

He doesn’t look at you as you walk over to him, but you hold his coat out in front of him. “At least put this on, yeah? That mum’ll have your throat, otherwise.” He silently reaches out for it and stands to put it on.

“He’s not here,” he mutters quietly. “Peter, I mean.”

“So, that was your answer to all of this?” You ask, your voice strangely calm considering how tumultuous your internal monologue is. “To just run back to your old life and leave this one all unanswered and up in arms? No care as to how it’d affect anyone else?”

“Of course I care about - well, I suppose the cat's out of the bag. Of course I care about you. It’s why I thought I shan’t burden you any further. I’ve already insulted your generosity by assuming you hadn’t the agency to tell me that you didn’t want me, without taking into account that perhaps you were being genuine. It’s what caused all that trouble when we were in Brighton. And I didn’t want you to feel any more obligated to do anything more out of - I can’t describe it as anything other than pity, but I never wanted you to feel as though you had to pity me, either.”

You sigh, “Look, I get it. It’s complicated as all fuck. Trust me, I’ve been trying to work out all the ins and outs and ups and downs of it all for months, now. But anything here, it just - we don’t know what it’s gonna do, you know? There’s far bigger forces at play here, you literally travelled through time, surely that’s cocked the universe up cosmically somehow? I don’t even know,” you groan in frustration.

“Well, obviously, I wouldn’t have agreed to stay unless I absolutely knew it wasn’t going to put you at any risk. But Peter stated that… Lauren and the rest, they’ve yet to make any sort of return. And since they could have chosen any time, they surely would have by now. I think… I think they stayed, in the past. And it’s not as though the sky’s turned upside down as a result, or that the world is being run by lizard people, now.”

“Depends on who you ask,” you mutter to yourself with a smirk, before looking over at Ralph. “I’m just hurt that you didn’t think to tell me. I know, I know, it was that weekend, but still. You could have told me that you’d thought it safe to stay, regardless of when you’d figured it out.”

“Would you have still been mad at me?” He asks quietly.

“Honestly? Probably,” you shrug. “I’d probably have argued the toss with you over every single possibility that things could still go wrong. But I’d never, ever force you to come here. Haven’t I been saying it all along? I don’t want you to leave. I’ve been dreading the day that you’re not in my bed anymore, that the flat becomes too quiet again, that I’ll have to spend my evenings watching TV alone without your constant nagging.”

“I thought that rather bothered you,” the hint of a soft smile just about tugs at the corners of Ralph’s lips.

“Oh, it does,” you admit, laughing softly, “but I don’t even want to think about a life where I won’t hear any of that, again. You know, and - and just being reminded of you all the time. All our friends always asking after you, and talking about you, never letting me get over you. I’d stay up at night, staring at the bedroom door from the sofa, wondering what’d be worse; that, or you living your old life meaning that you’d never have existed in mine, meaning I’d have no memory of you at all.”

“I’d always perished the thought of leaving - well, all of you, but especially you,” Ralph’s voice is still quiet. “You’d always - always tell me to tell my sister and Lauren to shove it, but honestly, I don’t think I could ever do that without you there with me. Even if they were to throw me out and I had to find my own way around, nobody else would hold a candle to…” He takes a deep sigh. “I always… I know I’ve always been the hopeless romantic, it’s one of my biggest flaws. And after falling for Lauren as soon as I’d seen her, and everything that happened thereafter, I swore to myself that I’d never let myself do that, again. That’s why I joined the French Foreign Legion, so I could focus on the task at hand, and learning how to build a camaraderie with my fellow soldiers. Except none of them wanted to do that. And so I left, and I ended up right here, and it was only a few streets away that -”

“That some dickhead spilled coffee all over you,” you finish his sentence with a smirk.

“I told you then as well, didn’t I, you’re far from one of those,” Ralph looks at you softly. “But I felt it all come back again. Everything I felt when I first saw Lauren. And before Lauren, when it was Maggie. And before Maggie, when it was - oh, heavens, you don’t need to hear about all my failings. But every time, I acted too quickly, and I only caused myself shame and heartbreak. And when I ended up here, I needed - well, something or someone, anything to anchor me, I had no clue what was happening to me. But you were so kind to me, from the very beginning. And I didn’t want to jeopardise your generosity by ruining it the same way I ruin most other things. So I kept my feelings to myself, for once, hoping that the time to leave would catch up before I let my feelings grow. But here we are,” he sighs. “I suppose I shall have to come clean to the others, and seek refuge with one of them. Though not one of your friends as well, I would never put you in that position. I’d have to perhaps tell Loz, out of all of those…”

You frown, “But why would you have to?” He opens his mouth to answer, but you interrupt him, “You’ve not once asked me how I feel about you.”

“Yes, well, you made some things rather obvious in the flat,” he replies coolly.

“Fair enough,” you nod, “but don’t you think I’d only overreact like that if I was really upset? And that I’d only be that upset if I cared about you so much that it’d break my heart to think you could have lied to me? You’ve yet to ask me how I feel about all of this.”

Ralph wrings his hands together, wincing as though bracing for a physical impact as he asks, “Of course, my apologies. So… How do you feel?”

“It’s hard to say,” you admit, trying not to laugh at his offended face. “Okay, I know, I’m being a dick again. I’m just… I dunno, even though, like, I know now that I can say it, it’s still not easy to just, say out loud for the first time.” You let out a long and shaky breath. “I think that… I’ve never been in love before. But if feeling safer being around you, and always wanting to share my life with you, and dreading the day I never see you again, and my heart soaring every time your face lights up with happiness… I think all of those things are the kind of guff people talk about in those romance films. And I didn’t think those kinds of feelings happened in real life, but… I think I know it, now.” You hold his face in your hands and finally say the words that have been dying to leave you all this time. “I love you, Ralph.”

He looks awestruck back at you. You study his face for any other reaction at all, and after a few beats, any sign of life since he remains unmoving, but he soon gleefully grins, leaning in to kiss you. You meet him halfway, moving your arms to wrap around his neck as you press peck after peck against his lips. His arms wrap around your waist as you just kiss him, and nothing else, because nothing else matters. You only break away from each other for air, and to turn your heads to then resume kissing each other as the snow falls around you both.

It’s only when someone clears their throat to get your attention, commenting, “I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but Christ on a bike,” as they push past you, that you actually step away from each other for more than a split second.

You catch Ralph’s eye and hold your hand out to him, “Wanna go get some jelly babies, put on those face masks that make you look like you’re glowing and curl up watching crappy movies and stuffing our faces?”

“I could enjoy watching paint dry in your company, my love,” Ralph smiles warmly at you as he takes your hand, and you take a step back, aghast, but still intertwined with him.

“And where was Ralph the smooth-talker hiding this whole time?!” You ask incredulously, laughing as you fall into step with him.

“Oh, that’s nothing, darling,” he comments, and your heart flies into your throat. You’d heard him call you that in your dreams a hundred times over, but actually hearing it drives you wild. “As I said, I’ve always been quite the hopeless romantic. I’m afraid you’re going to be seeing that at full throttle, now.”

You cackle so hard you bend double. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m gonna see Full Throttle Ralph,” you just about manage to choke out the name through your laughter, and he frowns at you.

“I’m simply warning you that, in agreeing to our courtship, you understand that Ralph Penbury does nothing by halves.”

“Oh god, I’m gonna have to do a lot of catching up, then!” You joke, but he squeezes your hand.

“Oh, good gracious, no, you certainly don’t have to do that! You already do more than enough for me, and I don’t show love just to receive it back, anyway,” he shakes his head.

The journey back to your flat takes the best part of an hour, mostly because you keep interrupting your walk to pull Ralph in for more kisses on the way. You can’t help it, the way his face blushes with the cold just makes him look so adorable, who wouldn’t want to kiss him?!

Plus, when you’d gone to pick his sweets up, he’d told you he had somewhere else to be, run out of the shop, and returned minutes later just as you were leaving, with a bunch of flowers. “I’m cutting it a little short, I know, but would you like to be my Valentine?” He asks as he offers you them.

You take them as you exchange the bag of his sweets into his hands, gasping, “How did you find these so last minute?!”

“Well, they were in our window display,” he admits bashfully, and you laugh.

“Wait, these are from your shop?!”

Ralph nods. “Yes, but I don’t think they mind, too much. Babs was punching the air and telling me to ‘Get in, my son’, but I couldn’t leave you outside and I was technically born in time to be her father, let alone son,” he shakes his head, causing you to laugh even more.

“Shit, I forgot to answer you, didn’t I?!” You look over at Ralph adoringly. “I’d love to be your Valentine, Ralphie. D’you wanna be mine? I’m afraid the sweets won’t last nearly as long as these, as an offering, but -”

“They’re perfect. As is my Valentine this year,” he beams, kissing the part of your forehead not obscured by your hat.

Once you get home, you change out of your snow-soaked clothes and decide to wear the pyjamas you’d both gotten for Christmas from your parents. You wonder whether to tell your friends right off the bat what’s happened today. You know Ralph can keep a secret, but ever since you’d said those four words to him, he’s been practically shouting his devotion to you from the rooftops. As much as you can’t wait to share in this big milestone of yours with your best friends, you just want nothing more than some uninterrupted time to spend catching up with all the affection you’ve been so desperately wanting to give to Ralph this whole time, and vice versa. Besides, they’ve all got dates tonight, too. You don’t want to interrupt their evenings. That’s what you’ll tell them when they inevitably find out.

Instead, you spend the afternoon and well into the evening pampering yourself and your - Boyfriend? What would you even call Ralph? Although that remains short lived as he realises that face masks are just a barrier preventing more kissing from happening, and he pouts until he’s got full access once again. Every peck comes with its own sweet nothing - a declaration of love, a compliment, a comment of gratitude. Although he’d told you it wasn’t necessary, you do try to match his energy - but it just becomes exhaustive after a while.

You had your heart set on ordering from your favourite Chinese takeaway from this morning, before the day's events had transpired, but Ralph is more than happy to eat from there, as well. You even go so far as to try and teach him how to hold chopsticks, though his adorable attempts to keep interlocking your fingers to pull your hand to his lips to to kiss it instead are far more adorable.

After watching some cheesy rom-coms - or rather, spending the night cuddling and constantly kissing Ralph some more while Sandra Bullock tries to find love over and over on the TV - you eventually retire to bed. As you do, your phone chimes its specific tone to tell you the group chat has updated. Laying in bed, you unlock your phone to see a photo of Scott and his partner, on their sofa with a glass of wine each, which is then followed by Grace sharing a snap of her and her boyfriend wearing face masks together in her bathroom. Anna sends a mysterious snap of two fancy-looking meals and two glasses being clicked together, one certainly in her own hand but the other is held by a mystery man, and Connor shares a very sweet photo of him and Ralph's friend Lauren in a restaurant booth together.

Ralph's head rests on top of yours as you show him the photos, and you can feel his smile getting wider at the photo of his two friends from different parts of his life here sitting so closely together. You lean your head up to grin at him, "Should we?”

He smiles back at you as you switch to your camera app. You aim it at you and Ralph and look back over at him, for him to press a kiss to your forehead. You close your eyes, smiling into it, and tap at the screen, your muscle memory still knowing exactly where the shutter is without having to see the screen. You type “happy vday from me and my valentine, too 😘”, hit send, laugh loudly with Ralph as you see all four speech bubbles show up at once, and then put your phone on silent and lay it face-down on your nightstand.

You roll back over to snuggle up against his chest, and he wraps his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin as he embraces you. “Goodnight, my love,” you hear him whisper in your ear. “Pleasant dreams.”

“Night, Ralphie. Love you,” you mutter back, holding him tight and breathing in deeply, finally free to indulge all you want in the prospect of having a relationship with the man you’ve been in love with for the last five months.

next chapter

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

Ralph Audios

I know it’s taken FOREVER but i finally have a list of audios for our sweet Ralphie 🥰

I also want to mention that because it took so long for me to make, there probably won’t be another out for quite a while. It was hard enough to find enough audios that really made me think of Ralph that also took place during his time period so i’m not entirely sure when i’m going to post another one but i hope you all enjoy this one! 🖤

⚠️Warning⚠️- All of these audios are 18+ and are intended for afab/female listeners. The voices aren’t going to match up 100%, i picked out audios that reminded me more of their character than their voice.

Waking up next to Ralph in the morning

Ralphie brings you breakfast in bed

You catch Ralph watching you in the shower

Ralph wants to get you into bed

Getting caught in the rain

Ralph is extra needy for you and tries his best to be dominant (Please know this audio mentions pregnancy from 7:55-8:00)

You and Ralph ‘borrow’ a car together

Ralphie tells you how much he needs you over the phone

Ralph knows he always needs to ask for permission

Ralphie needs you so badly

[hayfeverpubliclibrary]

no words, just

Worth It | Ralph Penbury x You | Masterlist

{<-Previous} [One Hundred Kisses] {Next->}

Summary: Ralph is upset, but luckily, you know one hundred ways to make him better. Words: 1.6k

This was Ralph Penbury's last day as a single man.

In a shocking and entirely uncharacteristic move, he'd decided to wait before popping the question this time. This girl was different. The last three times he'd been rejected, he'd been sad, and he'd moped for a week or two, but he always bounced back.

He didn't think he could bear it if this one said no.

So he'd waited. He'd waited until he was sure you loved him back, and that you wouldn't refuse him, all the while… planning. He suspected you knew it was coming, so you wouldn't be caught off-guard like you had the first time he'd confessed his love. But his proposal needed to be romantic, and memorable, and perfect. Just like the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with.

He had the cook prepare all your favorites. He wore what he believed to be your favorite suit. He polished the engagement ring one final time and practiced getting down on one knee and opening it for you. Ralph was ready. He believed you would be too.

He bounded down the stairs when it was almost time to collect his basket from the cook, and nearly ran over Victoria halfway down.

"Ralph, where on Earth are you rushing off to? And why are you wearing that horrid suit?"

Ralph didn't really want to tell Victoria and have her dash his dreams again, but he was just so excited, he couldn't help it. He told her about the plan before he could stop himself. He had to tell someone.

"Ralph, my darling brother…" Victoria took his hands in hers and gave him a piteous look. "You aren't seriously thinking about proposing to someone who's ashamed of you, are you? Even you must know better than that."

"Ashamed of me?" Ralph was stunned. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you silly boy. Have you ever gone out to dinner together? Been seen in public with her? Met her parents?"

"Her mother--"

"Her mother is an excuse, Ralph. The girl is practically engaged to Donald Andrews. Honestly, I thought you would've realized by now that you're just her dirty little secret. Her afternoon amusement. You poor, sweet boy." Victoria pats his cheek with a pout and continues up the stairs.

Ralph drops onto the nearest step when he hears her bedroom door close, suddenly finding it hard to breathe in his stiff suit. This couldn't be true. You hated Donald the Dull. You came to see Ralph every day. You kissed him, and talked to him, and made him feel like he was worth listening to. You loved him. The only reason you'd been keeping your relationship quiet was because of your mother… right?

Ralph put his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths. He didn't want to believe Victoria. She was wrong last time. She didn't know the woman he loved like he did. No one did. There was only one way to clear this up.

Standing up tall and marching down the stairs with determination, he collected his basket and thanked the cook, checked his reflection in the hallway mirror, and proceeded toward the park.

"Hello, my love." You stood up from the bench when you heard Ralph coming down the path, and greeted him with a kiss. "You look exceptionally handsome today," you said, looking up at him with admiration as you smoothed his lapels. He smiled weakly.

"Are you alright, Ralph?" He nodded, but shifted in his freshly polished shoes with a nervous look. He was terrible at lying. "Come sit." You guide him to the bench and take your seat next to him, where you wait for him to share what's on his mind.

Several minutes of silence later, you prod, "Ralph, are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to guess?" He exhales.

"Are you…" Ralph looks downward and chews his lip, struggling with his words. You reach over and place your hand on his. He swallows, and finally gathers his words. "Are you ashamed of me?"

Your jaw drops. "What?! Ralph, why would you--"

"It's nothing, forget it," he cuts you off.

"It absolutely is not nothing, why would you think that?"

After a tense moment of silence, he finally speaks in a small voice. "Victoria said that I was your dirty little secret."

"Victoria needs to be smacked in the mouth."

Ralph's head snaps up, and he looks at you in shock.

"It's because we only meet here, isn't it?" He chews his lip. Yes, that's it. You take a deep breath.

"I suppose it's time," you say in defeat. "We can't keep on like this forever." Ralph's face falls. "No, not that! Meeting in secret! Ralph, I adore you. I'm not hiding you from the world, I'm hiding you from my mother. Because I'm a coward, and I'm not looking forward to that confrontation." He looks thoughtful.

"And if I'm being honest," you continue quietly, "I love having you to myself. When we're here, it's like we're the only two people in the world. But it's selfish of me to confine our relationship to this bench, especially if it's making you feel this way."

"It's not," he says meekly.

"It is. And I'm sorry." You reach over and clasp both of your hands around his. "Did Victoria just bring this up today, or is it something you've been feeling for a while?"

Ralph shrugs a shoulder.

"Because I may have to make it up to you with a kiss for every day I've made you feel sad."

"One hundred days!" Ralph says quickly.

"One hundred days… and yet, it seems like it's only been a few weeks since Valentine's Day," you tease. Ralph pouts, poking out his bottom lip and giving you The Puppy Eyes. "But if my love requires one hundred kisses to ease his suffering, then one hundred kisses he shall have." His pout quickly morphs into a grin, and you lean over and deliver your first kiss to his lips.

"One," you whisper, unable to stop your face from breaking into a matching grin as you continue. "Two, three, four," you count each time you plant a kiss on his face. You stop counting out loud at ten, but keep track silently as you pepper kisses over both of his cheeks, his nose, his chin, his neck, his forehead. Ralph sits there obediently, a giggling mess the entire time.

By the time you reach ninety-nine, you're sitting in his lap. You're not quite sure how you got there, and the realization is something of a shock. You stare down at Ralph's gorgeous chocolate eyes, your hands still holding his face in place. A different kind of tension fills the air. No turning back now, then. You lean down to capture his lips in a grand finale, much longer and deeper than the previous ninety-nine… and every kiss that came before.

When you break apart and remember how to speak, you look down at him and ask, "Have I atoned for all the suffering I've caused?"

"Perhaps one more," Ralph whispers. You happily oblige him. When you're forced to finally pull away and catch your breath, you rest your forehead against his and close your eyes.

"Will you marry me?" he asks softly. You open your eyes and lean back a bit to look at him, staring up at you with his beautiful brown orbs. How could anyone ever say no to him?

"Of course I will," you whisper, leaning down for your first kiss as an engaged couple.

When you come up for air again, Ralph reaches into his pocket and removes a small velvety box. He opens it to reveal the most beautiful ring you've ever seen, and your eyes fill with tears. Happy tears.

"Ralph, it's perfect," you breathe.

He removes the ring from its box and places it on your finger, not noticing his own tears until your hands come to cradle his face and wipe them away with your thumbs.

"Are you really mine forever?" he asks.

"Forever," you assure him before coming in for another kiss.

When the bells in the distant clock tower begin to toll, you and Ralph untangle yourselves and gather your things. As you prepare to exit your secret spot, a horrible thought occurs to you.

Looking down at your delicate ring, your chest suddenly feels tight. You close your eyes, trying to think of a way to approach this without any feelings getting hurt.

"Love?" Ralph asks gently, a hand extended to escort you back to the main path.

"Ralph… would it break your heart terribly if I asked you to hold onto this for me?" You touch the ring on your finger with your other hand and look up to see his face falling. You feared this. "I love it. And I love you," you assure him, stepping closer. "I just won't be able to wear it when we're not together. For now. It's only temporary."

"Only temporary?"

"Perhaps we can discuss… things soon?"

"Things?" Ralph, you are not making this easy. You swallow and continue fighting with your words.

"Things like… telling my parents? If you're ready for that?"

Ralph's jaw drops. He snaps his mouth closed when he realizes, and begins nodding his head in agreement, pulling you close once more before you're forced to go your separate ways.

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

Would it be possible to do a smut for Ralph where they’re caught having sex?

Tell The World

Pairing: Ralph x Fem!Reader

Summary: You've been keeping your relationship with Ralph a secret, and you've been successful, that is until someone walks in on you whilst in the middle of something...

Warnings: Handjob, oral sex (m recieving), unprotected sex.

A/N: I actually had a lot of fun writing this. Hope this is okay!

You struggled to keep a straight face as you glanced over at Ralph, who was watching you from where he stood in the doorway. If you weren't currently sitting beside Victoria you'd probably jump him right there.

You and Ralph had been secretly seeing each other for a couple of months now. The secrecy was mostly on your part because you were worried his sister might not approve. And Ralph loved his sister so you couldn't bare the thought of her being against your relationship.

After a few more minutes of Ralph staring at you from the doorway, you couldn't take it anymore. You shot up from the couch, spinning around to quickly tell Victoria you were going for a lie down, and then you almost knocked Ralph over on your way out of the living room.

He clearly got the message as it wasn't long before he was following you up the stairs to your room.

"Ralph you really should stop staring at me like that when we're in public."

"But how can I when you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." He answered, gently closing the door before making his way over to you, his hands snaking around your waist.

"How did I get so lucky?" You sighed, bringing a hand up to rest on the side of his face.

He smiled as you pulled him down to you, gently pressing your lips against his. You hummed against his lips when you felt him tracing small circles on your hips with his fingers.

And when you parted, you simply couldn't wait any longer. You led him toward your bed, gently guiding him to sit down before undoing his trousers and slowly sliding them down his legs along with his underwear.

You heard him mutter a quiet 'oh' when you wrapped your hand around his length, swiping your thumb over his tip. You looked up at him when you started to move your hand over him, grinning as you watched his eyes flutter closed, his mouth slightly agape.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." You repeated his words back to him, smiling as he let out a quiet moan.

You pumped him a few times before releasing him, leaning down to leave a trail of kisses over his thighs, slowly making your way up to his swollen cock. You heard him whimper when you finally closed your mouth over his tip, sucking slightly before taking him into your mouth.

"My love." He muttered, releasing breathy moans. "That...that feels amazing."

You started to bob your head up and down on his lap, holding onto his thighs as he squirmed beneath you. As you continued your movements over him, you felt him carefully thread his fingers through your hair.

"Oh...oh god." He groaned, his fingers tightening in your hair as you felt him twitch inside your mouth.

You flinched slightly when you felt his load hit the back of your throat. And when you pulled off of him, he still had his head tilted back as he tried to catch his breath.

"Would you like to continue?" You asked him, standing up to reach under your skirt, removing your own underwear.

He quickly nodded, sitting up straighter now as he watched you approach, a nervous smile on his face.

You climbed onto his lap, positioning your legs on either side of him. And you took no time in reaching down to guide him toward your entrance.

He moaned when you finally sank down on him.

"Oh Ralph." You groaned as you started to grind your hips over him, his hands coming up to wrap around your thighs. "You feel so good."

He could only respond with a soft moan as you continued your movements over him.

However, your moment of bliss was soon interrupted when the door swung open behind you and you were met with the sound of Victoria's voice.

"(y/n)? Have you seen-" She cut herself off when she saw you both. "Ralph."

"Oh, god." You frantically tried to push yourself off him, landing on the floor with a thud as you looked up at Victoria in the doorway. "Oh my god."

"Victoria, um...what...what are you doing here?" Ralph questioned as he quickly dressed himself, standing up.

"I was looking for you." She chuckled, leaning a hand on the doorframe as she watched you both. "And you two seemed...close, so I assumed (y/n) would know where you'd gotten to."

"Victoria, I'm so sorry." You started to say, standing up now, hoping you didn't look too dishevelled. "We were going to tell you eventually, I just-"

"Oh no, I don't care what you get up to in your...free time. I'm just happy my brother has finally found someone."

"You...you are?"

"Of course! Now, would you like me to give you a moment to finish, or can I take Ralph now?"

"Just...please give me a moment." Ralph said, awkwardly waving a hand at her.

She just gave you both an amused look before slipping out the door, leaving you alone.

"My love, I am so sorry about my sister." He started. "I had no idea she was just going to walk in like that. If I'd have known-"

"Ralph." You interrupted him, bringing your hands up to rest on either side of his face. "It's fine. I'm just glad she doesn't hate me, hate me being with you."

He just stared at you then, like he was unsure how to respond. And you couldn't help the smile that tugged at your lips as you looked up at him.

"I love you, Ralph. And now that Victoria approves, I can tell the world."

He grinned. "Well in that case, I'd like to take you out tonight."

"I'd love that."

[Main Masterlist] [Ralph Masterlist]

[foundtherightwords]

All Our Yesterdays - Chapter 1

Pairing: Ralph (Timewasters) x OFC

Summary: Thu, a museum archivist, only wants to escape her dull life in 21st-century Hanoi. The last thing she expects is to end up in 1929 Indochina via a time-traveling elevator and cross paths with Ralph, an Englishman on the run from the French Foreign Legion. Romance blossoms between them, but in a colonized country, unrest is always looming on the horizon, and Thu must decide if she wants to stay with Ralph in the past or return to the safety of the future.

A/N: In the show, Ralph ends up somewhere in Morocco or Algeria (judging by this photo - thank you, @quinnkeerys, for doing the Lord's work), but I'm more familiar with French Indochina, and a Legion regiment was stationed there at the time, so I transferred him there to make the research easier for me.

A few notes on the Vietnamese names/pronunciation:

- Thu is pronounced like "too", but with a softer "t" sound. - The "D/d" letter in Vietnamese is pronounced as "z", so for example, "áo dài" (long tunic, the national costume of Vietnam) is pronounced like "ao zai". "Đ/đ" is pronounced as "d". It's confusing, I know. - For easier reading, I left the diacritics out of the characters' names (Hoang instead of Hoàng, Phuong instead of Phương, Lien instead of Liên.) The place names and other nouns are kept intact though. If they are difficult to read or mess up the format, let me know and I'll take them out.

Also, I only watched the first 2 episodes of "Timewasters" (the ones featuring Ralph), so I had no idea what is canon about the time machine.

Warnings: outdated/period-typical attitudes, mentions of war, mentions of pregnancy and abortion (involving a supporting character), some angst (it's mostly fluff but you know me, I can't do without angst altogether), some smut (non-explicit)

Chapter warnings: outdated attitudes about women/marriage

Chapter word count: 3.3k

Chapter 1

"Thu, are you even listening to me?" Hoang's irritated voice brought Thu out of her reverie. With difficulty, she turned her eyes away from the vendor selling tofu pudding—tào phớ—outside. The vendor's hand was moving in a blur, scooping silky tofu from the big container into smaller cups and pouring sugar water on top. She was remembering how, in her childhood, such vendors would use a big mussel shell as a scoop instead of the ubiquitous aluminum ones now, and how the tào phớ of childhood seemed to taste sweeter, fresher. Now she was struck by a sudden craving. It was the first of September, but summer was still holding on stubbornly, and the air-conditioned interior of the coffee shop felt close, stuffy. A bowl of cool, slightly sweet, jasmine-infused tào phớ would just hit the spot.

"You want some tào phớ?" she asked Hoang.

"What?" Her boyfriend stared blankly back. She nodded toward the vendor, and Hoang made a face. "No. And you shouldn't either. It's not sanitary, you know. I wish the city would just ban all street vendors. So untidy."

Thu rolled her eyes. "But they're such an integral part of Hanoi!" she protested. "It's been that way for hundreds of years and will continue to be."

"I doubt it," Hoang said callously. "Already there are fewer of them after the pandemic. People's buying and eating habits are changing. Soon they'll be gone, just you wait."

Thu sat back, chagrined. They had had this argument often enough for her to know it was a losing battle. She shouldn't have said anything at all.

"Anyway," Hoang continued, "we're good for this Saturday?"

"What's happening Saturday?"

"My parents coming to talk to yours."

"About what?"

"About the wedding, what else? Have you not listened to a word I said at all?"

The truth was that she had tuned out the moment Hoang mentioned his mother had been to see a fortune-teller. It was exhausting, the way his mother always consulted fortune-tellers before doing anything, so after a while, Thu stopped listening. But now, the mention of "wedding" sent a chill through her, as she realized what it could mean.

"Wedding?" she repeated, trying to hide her rising panic.

Hoang let an exasperated breath out through his nose. "Yes, our wedding. Mom is determined to have it before the Lunar New Year."

"Before the Lunar New Year..." Thu did some mental calculations. "But that's only five months away!"

"So what? Plenty of time to plan a wedding."

"But why the rush?"

"Because you're turning twenty-six next year, and it's not an auspicious age to get married," Hoang explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So let's wait until I turn twenty-seven then! Or twenty-nine!"

"Come on, we are going to get married anyway, what's the difference a year or two going to make?"

It makes all the difference in the world! Thu wanted to shout, before stopping herself in time. She and Hoang had been together for four years, and it had always been understood that they would eventually get married, though they had never officially discussed it. And now, when Hoang finally brought it up, she realized, with horror, that she did not want to get married. Not yet. Perhaps even not at all. There was so much she wanted to do.

"I want to get my Master's first," she said.

"You can do that after we're married," Hoang replied breezily.

Easier said than done. After they got married, there would be kids (When are you going to have a baby?), responsibilities, and more kids (Two is always better than one, you know!), and before she knew it, her life would settle into monotonous drudgery, rushing home after work to put dinner on the table, dropping off squalling kids at daycare and picking them up again, arguing about what primary school to enroll them in, and on and on and on. Try as she might, she could picture none of the marital bliss people often boasted about. She shuddered and reached for her pendant, twisting it between her fingers as she always did whenever she was nervous.

"Actually... my parents might have... plans this Saturday," she said, trying to stall.

"Really?" Hoang raised an eyebrow. "But when my mom called, your mom said it was all good."

Thu's stomach churned in anger. Her mother always did that, deciding what was best for her without asking what she wanted. "Looks like they got it all under control," she said coldly.

Hoang didn't hear, or pretended that he didn't hear the frosty note in her voice. He leaned back and took a sip of his iced coffee. "Yep, I figured, moms have a lot more experience in this kind of thing, so why not let them take charge? They're happy, we don't have to worry about all the trivial details; it's a win-win."

Thu clamped down a bitter retort. It wasn't that Hoang didn't make an effort in their relationship; he remembered her birthday and their anniversary and other important dates, but he was always very matter-of-fact about them. His gifts were the practical kind, and he never got her flowers, saying there was no point since they were going to die anyway. Anything else would just be a "trivial detail" to him. She appreciated his pragmatism, but once in a while, she wished they could have been a little more spontaneous. It was like Hoang was afraid of being seen as sappy. She knew if he had it his way, he wouldn't even have a wedding at all. They would just go to the city hall and sign the marriage certificate and that would be that.

"Where are we going to live, after we get married?" she asked.

"With my parents," Hoang said, the "of course" plain in his tone even though he didn't actually say it out loud.

"You know I don't like it when so many generations live under the same roof," Thu said. Hoang lived with his parents and grandparents. She knew it was still the norm, but the very idea set her teeth on edge.

"What's the big deal?" Hoang shrugged. "In your own words, it's been like that for hundreds of years, and it's much more convenient. You know, for someone who loves history, you sure are picky about which part of it you love."

His words stung. "Just because I love something, doesn't mean that I'm blind about it!" she snapped, then gathered up her things and stormed out of the coffee house before Hoang could say another word. A bit of an overreaction, perhaps, but she was looking for any excuse to escape further discussion of the wedding. She wasn't brave enough to tell him that she didn't want it, and even if she did tell him, she wasn't even sure if she could get through to him.

That evening, over dinner at home, Thu tried to broach the subject with her parents first. If she could get them on her side, then maybe she could convince Hoang to push the wedding back a few years.

Her mom wasn't having any of it.

"But you two are going to get married anyway," she said, maddeningly echoing Hoang's words. "I don't see why you'd want to wait."

"We don't have our own place yet," Thu said. In this, she knew her parents would support her. No parents want their daughter to have to live with the in-laws. "And I want to get a Master," she added hopefully.

"What's the point? It's not going to raise your salary at the museum, is it?"

"It'll allow me to get a teaching position at the university."

Her mom snorted. "And their salary is better, I suppose? Your dad and I can lend you the money to buy your own place."

Thu turned to her dad in dismay. "Dad?"

"Mom's right," her dad said, his face hidden behind his phone. "We won't charge you interest."

"If you don't want to be in debt, then take that job with Cousin Minh," her mom continued. "He's been calling again. He says they can really use someone with your English skills, and they pay very well. You'll save enough for an apartment in no time."

"Mom, he sells illegal IDs!"

"Nonsense. He runs a visa agency."

"Yes, which includes selling illegal IDs. He's lucky he's not getting arrested. I am not going to work for him."

"Ooh, if you're getting married and moving out, can I have your room?" her younger brother, Tung, piped up.

Thu dug the heels of her hands into her eyes, frustrated. There would be no help from this quarter.

"Look," her mom said in a softer voice, "we just want you to settle down. Hoang is a nice boy. He has a good job. It's the right time to get married. If you wait longer, something else may come up."

Settle down. Get a job. Get married. Have kids. The same path as everybody else. Deviate from that, and you'd risk disapproval and pity. What will happen to you? Who will take care of your parents in their old age? Who will take care of you in the future? And of course, that was the sting. Hoang might be dull, but he was safe, stable, predictable. She could imagine a future with him, even if that future was not particularly bright.

Thu went into her room and took refuge in her history books. At least with them, she knew how the stories all turned out; it didn't matter if the endings were good or bad. Perhaps that was why she loved history so much. There was none of this worrying about the future in history.

***

Those gnawing thoughts were still going around her head the next day at work, grating on her nerves and making her snappish with everybody. It was a slow day. Usually, she relished days like this, when she could settle into the backrooms of the museum, going over the archives, or walking through the echoing halls, looking at the artifacts, pretending to be a visitor, but today, the quietness of the museum felt stifling, its familiarity stale. It probably didn't help that she was stuck doing paperwork, cataloging the findings of a recent dig just outside of Hanoi. Sometimes, this job felt futile, like there was nothing else they could discover about the past. Vietnam's history is a bewildering patchwork of myths and half-preserved facts, destroyed by centuries of war and natural disasters and just plain old bad weather, impossible to make sense of, and Thu had never felt the futility of that task more acutely than she did that day, while logging broken pieces of roof tiles and ceramics into the computer. She was glad when, near the end of the day, her supervisor asked her to leave off the work and deliver some invitations for the museum's upcoming seminar to the nearby Institute of French Culture.

Leaving her motorbike at the museum, Thu walked the short distance from behind the Grand Opera House down Tràng Tiền Street. It was rush hour; by the time she got her bike out of the museum's parking lot and found a parking space near the Institute, she would've already gotten there on foot. The concrete pavement still retained some of the day's heat, and the currents of roaring cars and bikes and their constant honking only added to the warmth, but already, there was a slight crispness to the air that whispered of autumn, of moon cakes and green rice, of lantern processions. As Thu wove her way through the traffic, she imagined herself as an office girl from the French School of the Far East, which used to be in the same building as her museum, walking to the IDEO Printing House, where the Institute now stood, on some errand...

Her phone buzzed, cutting off her daydreaming. She glanced at the screen and groaned inwardly. A text from Hoang:

Confirmed with my mom, we're coming to your house 10 AM Saturday. Prepare lunch. Something not too heavy.

The bossy tone of the text pricked at her. He couldn't even say "please" at the end! Was this a taste of how their marriage was going to be, with Hoang dictating the terms and Thu following obediently? To hell with that. And if Hoang and her mother refused to listen, then she would find a way to make them listen...

Without stopping to think, Thu logged into her mother's account, still remembering the password from when she set it up for her. She scrolled through until she found the string of messages between her mother and Hoang's, and fired up a text:

I'm very sorry, but we're going to have to cancel the plan on Saturday. There's an emergency.

Would that be enough? No. Better make it clear. She added, Also, to be honest, we can't afford a January wedding. It's too soon.

Better make it double clear then. And I think Thu and Hoang can benefit from having more time to think. They're both too young to—

No. She deleted the last sentence. It would be too obvious. Of course, it would become obvious who sent the text if Hoang's mother decided to call hers, but she was hoping, if nothing else, this would at least get their attention and allow her a chance to really talk about what she wanted.

Thu went into the Institute and dropped the invitations off at the main office on the fifth floor. Her head throbbed from the heat and the stress. While waiting for the elevator, she reached for her stash of emergency M&Ms in her backpack. She just popped a handful into her mouth when her phone rang, shrilly, accusingly. She glanced at the watch on her phone. Her subterfuge lasted a total of eight minutes.

"Hi, Mom," she answered, resigning herself to a dressing-down.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Her mom sounded furious. "You sent a message to Hoang's mother to cancel the plan on Saturday, didn't you?"

"I did, yes."

"Why?!"

"Because I don't want to get married, Mom. Not yet. I've been trying to say this but nobody—"

"Do you have any idea how humiliated I was? I couldn't tell her that I didn't send that message! I had to say there was a misunderstanding and reschedule for Sunday."

"Mom—"

"That's final! I'm done discussing this with you!"

Her mom hung up. Thu sighed. Why won't they just listen?!

The elevator arrived. The door slid open. There was already a man inside, a Westerner. Thu eyed him curiously. He looked to be in his sixties and was terribly unkempt. Despite the heat, he was dressed in a long, dark coat. His pale, straggly hair stuck out from under a woolen hat, and he had a scruffy white beard. If she didn't know better, she would've said he was homeless, but she had seen plenty of backpackers looking far worse on the streets of Hanoi.

"Going down?" she asked in English, indicating with her hand.

The man grinned, showing a mouthful of rotten teeth. Thu recoiled slightly. But it was getting late, and she was exhausted. She just wanted to go home, avoid her mother, have a long, cool shower, and curl up in bed with her books. So she shrugged and stepped into the elevator, carefully reaching around the man to press "1".

As she stepped back, Thu noticed him eyeing her bag of M&Ms hungrily, practically bending down to sniff it.

"Would you, uh, like some?" she asked.

The man gave her another rotten-toothed grin and snatched the whole bag out of her hand.

Before Thu could even protest, the phone rang again. Hoang this time. "Did your mom just reschedule our meeting for Sunday?" he asked.  

Thu wondered how he managed to make it sound so formal, like a business meeting. But she was in no mood for arguing. "I tried to cancel it, but she didn't want to," she said in a defeated voice.

"You did what—what the hell?"

"We're too young to get married! I'm only twenty-five and you're only twenty-seven, for Heaven's sake! Why is everybody in such a rush for us to get married? Is there an old relative about to die? Are you about to die?"

"Don't joke about that!"

"I'm not joking!"

She heard Hoang take a deep breath. "I don't understand your hang-up about the age thing," he said. "It's a perfectly reasonable age to get married. You know people got married in their teens back in the day—"

Thu wanted to scream. The fact that he thought this was about "the age thing" proved, all too clearly, that he didn't understand her doubt and her fear at all. "Stop talking about 'back in the day'," she hissed. "You have no idea what it was like 'back in the day'! If I could, I would go live 'back in the day' just to get away from all of you!"

"If this is how you insist on behaving, then maybe we should just call the whole thing off!"

"Good!"

"Did you hear me? I'm not just talking about our wedding, I'm talking about us! If you do this, it's over!"

"That's the best news I heard all day!"

She hung up, and, for good measure, turned the phone off and threw it into the depth of her backpack. She didn't want to give Hoang a chance to tell her that he didn't mean it, that it was just a heat of a moment thing...

Next to her, the homeless-looking man was munching on the M&Ms—her M&Ms!—and fumbling with the keypad. Then he turned and handed her a folded piece of paper.

Thu opened the paper and saw a few lines of Vietnamese scrawled on it:

RULES FOR TIME TRAVELERS

Don't kill anyone

Don't impregnate or get impregnated

Don't touch any animals

Try to blend in, and have fun!

Mystified, she looked up, but the man was gone. Before she could even wonder about his disappearance, a persistent beeping coming from the keypad caught her attention. The elevator was shaking.

Great. Just great. The elevator was breaking down, and now she was going to get stuck in it. Just the cherry on top of an already perfect day.

The shaking intensified. A flashing light made her look up, and she couldn't believe her eyes.

The elevator was not breaking down.

It was breaking up.

As in disintegrating. Above her and all around her. The debris was getting sucked into some terrifying vortex of dark clouds laced with lightning, while the beeping continued, piercing in her ears, and all the numbers on the keypad started flickering in a dizzying sequence. Thu had a horrible sensation, similar to when she was little and had a high fever, of being stretched long, as long as possible without snapping, while at the same time getting compressed into something tiny, tinier than she could ever imagine. She sank to her knees, wrapped her arms around her head, and screamed.

Then, as abruptly as it started, everything stopped. The elevator dinged and came to a halt.

Thu cautiously opened her eyes. She was still in one piece. She was still in the elevator, which was in one piece as well.

Perhaps it had all been in her imagination. There had been something wrong with the elevator, certainly, but in her stress and fatigue, she had imagined it to be something much worse. And the man... he must have gotten out when she wasn't looking.

Letting out a breath of relief, she fixed the straps of her backpack more firmly on her shoulders and exited the elevator.

And immediately realized that something wasn't right.

Chapter 2

A/N: This first chapter is just a setup, so please bear with me. Ralph will appear in the next chapter, which is coming tomorrow! Also, as usual, if you want to be added to the tag list, let me know.