#<- stayed up till 2:30 working on a project but head hurts so much and nauseous and should be waking up at 6 to go to lecture but that's no | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fizzingwizard · 3 years ago

Text

;______; just heard that from September we’re gonna have three students in our cluster who are under 1 year old... (5 in the school total)

aaahhh im exhausted just thinking about it

and whats crazy is in one of the classes with under 1 yos there is a kid who is between 1-2 yo and she cannot walk yet. We have been trying to help her learn and have begun wondering if there is some reason beyond her mother just didn’t really encourage her to walk before. (Like maybe she needs leg braces etc.) So far no news on that but this kid only drags her feet around, obviously she needs constant help, and there are 12 other kids in the class, two of whom are under 1 and three teachers, HOW are they supposed to do it???

and the class that will have three under 1s has two first year teachers in it, that makes me so nervous... They’re both awesome coworkers, this is no shade on them, but under 1s can be TOUGH, it’s SO easy for them to get hurt. idk it feels like an accident waiting to happen.

i’ve been at schools where 5 students was an entire class, if we’re gonna have this many under 1s we should just have a class for them, come on! I love them but they are twice the work of kids on year older than them.

Also the recommended teacher-student ration for 1-3 yos is 1:6, which we abide by, but I believe it’s actually 1:3 or 1:4 when the kids are belong 18/12 mos. Apparently the head office does not care.

These kids are not in my class, I currently teach 2-3s, however I am a long care teacher and I look after them during morning and after care. I do their nap and their snack and play time supervision etc. From 10-2 they’re part of their class, but the rest of the day they belong to all of us.

More work ranting under the cut because I guess I just need to vent to the air.

And we have a LOT of students now - two clusters of going on 30 in each, in very small classrooms where the teachers are expected to watch them like a hawk AND keep constantly busy with numerous tasks at the same time.

Plus our prep time has been cut down this year despite additional work getting put on us, and we have no extra help.

If one teacher is out sick, no one gets prep time.

Don’t remember if I whined about this before, but a month or so ago we had a meeting in which the leader said “If you find you don’t have enough prep time, that’s on you to manage your time better.” It was super condescending and annoying. I’m like, dude, my contract says I get 1 hour prep and 1 hour break. We never ever EVER get the full two hours (and I should mention this is never consecutive, it’s 15 min here, 30 min there, 1 full hour if you’re really lucky). It’s usually at most 1 hr 45. But a 30 min break is fine! I’d love to take a 30 min break. Almost never do. Way too busy.

Like, I won’t get into it, but the laundry list of Stuff To Do recently has been ENORMOUS. In my class, I have 19 students. One of my co-teachers is part time, meaning she’s not around to help during much of prep time, and the other is a leader meaning she’s constantly in meetings or doing leader assignments. They are both fantastic co-workers, but yeah, this means I do ALL the class stuff. I prepare all the crafts, I do a ton of the organizing, and I’m often the only teacher from my class available in the afternoons because part-time teacher went home and leader teacher is in a meeting. So I end up with a lot of the after care stuff.

We have to hand out these big projects that teachers are responsible for preparing for each student on 8/16. We know these are coming and prep for them as soon as possible, but like, I won’t get into this either lol, but it’s so hard. It’s time-consuming by itself, and made worse because all the school computers are crap (like takes-15-min-to-start, another 10 to open the browser, 5 to go to the website, then it freezes, then 5 more, another freeze, etc) and like you have 15 min break time hahahahaha.

I wanted to get such a head start that I just started doing what I could back in the beginning of the year but we lit can’t do the bulk of the work until a certain kind of envelope is delivered and that doesn’t come till summer for some stupid reason. Soooo our long prep days in April when there are no kids around... can we use those to prep for this project? Heck no!

Anyway. This year’s is due on 8/16. This coming week we are off for obon break. This year also, the company is doing the project slightly differently. Instead of staggering what class gives out their projects to their students when, we all have to do it at once. We are our company’s biggest school, sooo my honest thought is no one at the head office thought about us when they made this change. The other schools don’t have to stagger anyway, they have at most two classes. We have four.

So this means everyone is printing their projects at the same time. For one student, you need 10 sheets on A3 paper. For my class of 19, that is 190 sheets of paper. For four classes, we’re over 700 sheets total. THAT IS A LOT OF PAPER.

So I get to work this morning and boss says “Yeah so we’re out of A3 paper.”

!!!

IT’S DUE MONDAY.

There was a little bit left so I just charged and printed as much of my stuff as I could in the morning before anyone else could. Then, miraculously, another packet of A3 paper appeared out of nowhere, and we were able to print most of the rest of our students’ projects. (My coworker who is a leader has not printed hers yet because she is super busy and isn’t finished. Again, she’s an awesome coworker, I wish I could have helped her more, but uh, I’m also swamped and not taking breaks, so. Hopefully she can do it before we really do run out of A3 paper.)

Getting more paper is no big deal, it’s just that no one has the time, and this is due Monday.

So I was super stressed. Sooooo super stressed for such a dumbbbb reason. And I don’t understand why these projects have to go out on Monday anyway. Some kids don’t even come to school on Mondays. Like. Just make sure they get them next week, isn’t that good enough?? Why make us stress and panic.

Everyone else seemed fine though, I was the only one tearing my hair out because I’m the type who finishes everything a day early so I have a day to check it over... I am not spontaneous and I hate to rush...

I lit told my coworkers, because regardless of the paper situation we are still behind because we have not had any time to organize the projects, that I will just stay late tomorrow to do it. It’s the Friday before a break so I don’t mind too much. I am really tired tho and would of course rather just go home and sleep but. I’ve done this before. Finishing up this project will take 1.5 hours - 2 hours at the current state it’s in, IF I can just sit down and do it uninterrupted. (Have I mentioned these projects are HEAVY?? And there’s 19 of them?? It’s a big job just to take them out and start putting them together >.<)

So tomorrow evening that is what I will likely be doing -.-;

There are INNUMERABLE other STUPID parts of this project - the idea behind it is great, but the way we are required to make it is absolutely bonkers and desperately needs a revamp but does anyone listen to a preschool teacher? heck no lol

uggh.

I feel better after venting tho.

I like my job, I just wish humans in general gave a shit, not even about quality of life (since obvs that’s expecting too much lol, also as a person with privilege I’m aware I’ve already got it pretty darn good), but just about not making jobs that are ridiculous. Just plan them out better, sheesh. There’s no reason for all this running around. The projects don’t need to be printed. Or they don’t need to be so huge. They don’t need all this fuss and nonsense. They are a good idea, but we could do them in a way that would be sooo much less stressful.

(The funniest part of all being, it’s a project for the parents mainly, and the parents... don’t like it x’D No they really don’t. They are happy to have the project, but first they’ve got to get it home, and it is HUGE and HEAVY and UNWIELDY lmao. And some of them are carrying twin 2 year olds and both of their futons home as well, and we’re like “here you go, two giant projects for you to take home!” And the parents are like “thanks????”)

#fizz's life #work

1 note · View note

cicici03 · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 9- Just Listen

7 months later…

Since the incident, Cierra and Tre have been working hard to figure out how to work through their marriage woes. With Cierra having physical therapy from September to November, it has not been an easy task for Cierra. The first time they met Dr. Stacy, which was in November, she told them something that shock both of them:

“ I am tough and from the looks of it, y’all have been through a lot.” Dr. Stacy looked away from the couple to look at their file,” With that, it is best for y’all to separate during this time of fixing your marriage.” Dr Stacy stated firmly looking at the two. Cierra and Tre thought she has lost her ever loving mind.

However, Dr. Stacy was right after all. Even though the two have not had their session together yet. With the two having sessions by themselves with her, it was already draining. She wanted to know the good, the bad, and the ugly from each perspective. She also even had a session with the kids to get their perspective of their parents.

When she told them to separate, literally she wanted one of them to move out. So, Tre has been living in one of their rental properties that was big enough for the kids to stay for his week. Dr. Stacy did this to show them what divorce could be like for themselves and the kids.

For one thing, the kids did not like it one bit. The kids just wanted their mom and dad in the same house and did not want to have to explain to their friends what was going on. Now, in April, the kids were now getting into it, but still did not like it.

As the school year is closing, Mia and Jakob were especially excited due to them about to graduate middle school and heading off to high school. Cierra decided to throw a big graduation party, inviting family and friends to celebrate her babies. Also, right after the graduation was Amaya’s birthday. So instead of planning one big party, she was planning two. As she was planning the parties, she could not stop thinking.

Amaya was born on the day of Tre’s and Cierra’s wedding, which means their anniversary. Actually, both,Tre and Cierra,was thinking about during the time that it got closer.

April 5, Wednesday

2 days till graduation party

3 days till Amaya’s party and wedding anniversary

“Angelo, I told you that you had to copy the scripts before sending them off.” Cierra exclaimed in frustration at Angelo. Cierra was waiting in the carpool line for the kids so they could go to the session with Dr Stacy. To say Cierra was not nervous, that is a lie, she was close to having a panic attack. Not because she didn’t want to fix her marriage, but Dr. Stacy warn her that this was going to be a difficult session.

As she kept on thinking, she heard the bell ring, signaling that kids were about to be running out. Angelo heard the bell over the phone and saw this was a way for him to miss the wrath of Cierra.

“Well Cierra, I think my sugar daddy is here. Love you.” Angelo quickly said and hung up the phone. As Cierra heard the click of the phone call ending, she silently cusses out Angelo in her head. Jakob ran to the car to get into the front seat of Cierra’s new Telsa that Tre bought for her.

Cierra look at him like he lost his mind.

“Boy what is wrong with you?” Cierra question at him still looking at him crazy. As Jakob was finally catching his breath, he said “ Well you know how much I wanted Mia’s friend number, well your boy got it.” Cierra laughed at her son and seeing him do his little happy dance just made her heart beat a little faster.

Cierra knew that Jakob was taking the hardest of his parent’s marriage woes. Even though Dr. Stacy could not tell her the things that they talked about in his session. She could tell her that he took it the hardest. As Cierra was about to talk to him, Mia and Amaya got into the car.

Cierra looked in the rear-view mirror, and she could tell Mia was mad.

“ I told you to not to ask for her number, one hair.” Mia said sassy to her brother commenting on his beard. Jakob looked back at her and just laugh.

“ Awww is Mia sad that her friend wanted a man, when poor Mia don’t have one.” Jakob said while laughing. That comment right there started an argument. Usually, Tre could ease the argument into a conversation, but Cierra could not do that. Cierra looked at Amaya and they both just shook their heads laughing.

Cierra turned back around and drove to Dr. Stacy’s office.

As Cierra turns into the parking space, the white Ford truck pull in right after her. Cierra knew it was Tre because of Peaches and Herb song, Reunited, was playing in the car. Cierra smile knowing that was their first dance song. As she finished the thought she got out of the car, seeing the kids already beat her to Tre.

Tre looked at his wife, and for some damn reason she looked fantastic. She always looked good, but today something about her was different, a good different. With her 5’4 frame in her black pumps. With her white blouse and black skirt holding onto that beautiful frame of hers. As she was walking towards him, she gave an awkward wave to him.

Dr. Stacy told them that they could not touch each other, even though they had done a little more than touching when Tre came over to help Mia with a project. Amaya looked at her parents, which she could see that it was painfully awkward to look at.

“Why are yall being so weird?” Amaya ask while looking at her parents and her siblings to stop their argument for the first time in 30 minutes. Cierra and Tre looked at each other but did not say anything. Tre looked at his phone and realize that it is time for their meeting.

“Well we all need to go now, so we are not late for our meeting with the Dr.Stacy.” Tre looked at everybody and start walking to the door. The kids follow and Cierra made sure her car was lock and went to the door.

Tre held the door open and let everybody walked in. Cierra sashay into the building adding a little more emphasize in her walk so her butt had a little bit of jiggly. Tre knew what she was doing, and it was working. As he walked into the office, he looked dead at Cierra ass and knew if he looks a little longer, he had to handle a situation.

Cierra sign them in and turn to see that the only chair left in the waiting room was by Tre. She walked over there and sat in the chair by Tre. Looking around the office, she notices the same people that was always here.

The black lesbian couple who didn’t want to commit, the white couple that never stop argue, and the interracial couple with the two bad butt kids. As she was about to get comfortable in the seat, Dr. Stacy came out to greet them and walk Tre and Cierra in the back.

As they got into her office, they sat on the couch that look like it came straight from the seventies and the room that smell like straight up Maryjane. Dr.Stacy was a tall, beautiful, dark woman with a beautiful and every so shiny bald head that would put Morris Chestnut head to shame.

She was a strong woman, who did not care to hurt your feelings and make sure you do not come here for the same problem. As Dr. Stacy sat down, she looked at the two and she smiled.

“ I am going to say this. I do know y’all had sex with each other during this time.” Dr. Stacy said looking at their faces as they drop. She start laughing and said “ That is what I wanted to happen anyway. This shows me that you not only still see each other as physically attractive, but still see each other spiritually and emotionally attractive due to sex being that.” Dr. Stacy stated with firmness talking to them both. Cierra looked at Tre and he looked at her. They both was still in this, even though they hurt each other bad.

“ With that, we can move on with today,” Dr. Stacy open up the paperwork with all her notes, “ Today is going to be a hard day! However, I am going be here at the middleman. I will be giving a series a question that I came up with to help this conversation. I want y’all to talk to each other and get out everything that is holding this marriage back.” Dr. Stacy explained to the couple. Cierra gulped nervously and then she felt Tre’s hand on her leg. With that, she felt herself ease a little bit.

“ Okay, I will start with Cierra and the questions will go back and forth. With that, I will always ask the question with one of y’all names to make sure that the conversation don’t be in control by one person.” Dr. Stacy looking at them both, knowing the questions that she about to ask the, was going to break this marriage down and build back up.

“ Cierra what is the one thing that you love about Tre.”

“ Well, I love his kind-heart, gentle, but stern, and just he know how me like the back of my hand. I love how he is so good with the kids, that it makes me jealous a little bit.” Cierra stated with sincere in her voice. Cierra looked at Tre smiling.

“ Okay, Tre, what do you love about Cierra.” Dr. Stacy ask while writing down notes.

“ I love how she is a strong woman, a woman who knows what she wants, and a woman who have a kind heart and make sure others are taking care of before herself.” Tre stated while looking at his wife and rubbing her leg.

Dr. Stacy looked at the two and realize she got them in the spot to surprise them.

“ Okay, Cierra when we’re talking during your sessions, we talk about the misuse of people and them taking care of others before themselves. Cierra do you think Tre does that?” Dr. Stacy looked at Cierra, who was not smiling no more.

Cierra close her eyes and took a deep breath and spoke.

“ I… I… um,” Cierra stammered with Dr. Stacy interrupting “ Cierra we talked about it is okay to tell how you feel even though it may hurt the other person’s feeling.” Dr. Stacy looked at Cierra with a stoic look.

“ I do believe Tre misuse me because I take care of others before myself.” Cierra quietly stated, slightly turning her head to Tre. Tre was not in shock; however, he was upset his wife did not tell him about these feelings.

Dr. Stacy turn to Tre and she saw that he was upset.

“ Tre, are you upset by Cierra statement?.”

“ I am very upset that she didn’t tell she felt like that.” Tre snapped back at Dr. Stacy. Cierra just shook her head and scooted away from Tre.

“ Tre, I have told you numerous of times, but you didn’t just listen to me!” Cierra retorted back at him. Cierra felt the tears coming down and she swore she would not cry.

“You know what I am going to tell you when I took care of our family before me! When I didn’t go to Howard, my dream school may I add, due to the twins and to avoid fighting with you and your family about our family. Second, when I stayed home and took care of the twins and you enjoying your young life. While I had to be a stay-at- home,young mom watching her early twenties go away. Lastly, when… you were depressed about your grandmother’s death and I had to take on the work of both us and I was hurting to Tre. My grandmother died to Tre!” Cierra bursted in tears while shouting out the one thing that was hurting her.

“ I still kept it moving! I made sure that everyone else was okay! You make sure everyone else is okay, but you don’t ask me!” Cierra scolded Tre with tears just coming down.

“ You also want to know another thing, you turn the kids on me when we start arguing! I cannot connect with the kids like you because you have them around your finger! The worst part was when Mia was so mad at me because you told her that I killed our baby!” Cierra exploded at Tre looking at him with tears in her eyes. Tre was frozen, he remembers that day, the time he saw Cierra bleeding between her legs, to Cierra screaming and not wanting the baby to die.

“To answer your question Dr.Stacy, that was the reason why I made them toxic choices to hurt Tre. I was so mad, that he turns our kids against me, that I wanted him to hurt just like me! Do I wish I redid it and talk to him, yes! However, I was hurting! Throughout our relationship, I told him I was hurting, but he did not check on my feelings. However, I had to stop taking care of myself to care of our family.” Cierra sobbed out the rest of her feelings.

Dr. Stacy looked at Cierra, she finally made her break. Cierra and Dr. Stacy sessions has been the hardest out the group. Cierra was so used to keep her feelings in and not listening to them. That it was hard for her to open to Dr. Stacy.

With that, Dr.Stacy turn to Tre and looked at him. Tre was looking at his wife breaking down, just like that night when she called out her grandma. Tre saw his wife hurting that night , but he did not do anything.

The one thing he did though was leave.

Dr. Stacy looked at both, and she was not done yet tearing this marriage apart to rebuild it.

“ Tre, during your sessions you talk about how you felt your wife wasn’t your wife, but your mom.. What were some ways that you felt like she was your mom than your wife?” says Dr. Stacy says at Tre with a the same stoic look.

When Cierra heard that her husband felt like she was his “mom”, her eyes met her husband, who was looking at Cierra. While still looking at Cierra, Tre stated “Cierra has nagged me in many ways, but I let most of them past because they’re something that every wife nagged their husband about. However, when I was going through that hard time of finding work. She would tell me about these gigs, then she would keep on pestering me about if they went well.” Tre spoke with a hardness in his voice, “ Just like whenever a mom keep on telling their child to clean their room. That kid hears her the first time, then she comes back for a second and so forth. That was Cierra.” Tre finish while looking at his wife.

Cierra started to laugh. Dr.Stacy and Tre looked at her waiting for what she was about to say.

“ Well I am sorry that I was trying to be a helpful wife!” Cierra said with a sarcastic laugh. Tre looked at her and was upset that she wasn’t valdiate how he felt.

Dr. Stacy step in by saying, “ Cierra the one thing we talk about in your session, is to know when to give your thoughts and when not to give the-” Dr. Stacy said before Tre interrupted, “ Cierra, I listen to you, so you going to listen to me! I never said you was not a good wife! I did not need you to tell me how to find a job when I have a manager! I needed you to just listen to me and just help me emotionally! Not tell me what I should do and not do over and over again about my job!” Tre shouted at Cierra with so much anger behind his voice.

Cierra truly thought she was being a good wife, which Tre stated she was. However, Tre didn’t need the movie-industry Cierra. He needed the Cierra that could emotionally help him and talk to as the best friends they were. He just needed his wife.

As Tre finish what he said, he shook his head and walk out. As he was walking to the restrooms, he heard the door behind him. Thinking that it was Dr. Stacy, he said, “ Dr. Stacy, I just need a moment to myself.”

“ It is not her Tre, it’s me.” Cierra spoke quietly looking at Tre’s back. Tre breath out and turn around and looked at his wife. Cierra finally saw how much she hurt Tre and did not know it. She thought she was the only person being hurt in this marriage, but when Cierra got into the accident, she realizes she was hurting this marriage too.

“I know I hurt you by pressuring you and I am so so sorry. I just never seen you so unhappy and I thought-.” Cierra stop and just start crying. Tre knew it was not easy for Cierra to say sorry due to her hard personality. Tre walked over to his wife and hug her.

The couple cried together. Tre did not go unspoken from his fault in their relationship too.

“Cierra, I am sorry for not asking you how you feel! I am so sorry-.” Tre just start sobbing still holding Cierra. Even though they both start crying, they both understood the pain that they cause each other. They both understood that even though they made those mistakes, that they still love each other.

As they both stood in the middle of the hallway in their own world. They all sudden hear a slow clap. They both looked up and saw Dr. Stacy leaning on the wall smiling.

“Well, I thought this would be more difficult session. However, y’all surprise me from how much y’all were open to each other. Something that usually do not happen at the first session,” Dr. Stacy smiled, “With that, I think that is enough of y’all for today. However, I want us to finish with kids.”

Dr.Stacy went to go get the kids, while Cierra and Tre straighten themselves up in the restroom. As they walk in they saw the kids sitting on the couch. With that. Amaya sat on Tre’s lap, with Jakob in the middle and Mia sitting on Cierra’s laughing.

While they are trying to figure out seating situation, Dr. Stacy just looked at them and laughed. She did not see the family that she saw the first time. A family that was distant, and just seem so angry with each other. Now the family she saw was a family that told their grievances to her. Then, they took the tools that she gave them and use it to help their situation.

They wanted things to be better and want to stay together.

Dr. Stacy finally spoke up from her thoughts.

“ Okay everybody, I wanted everybody to come in here to talk to each other. For Tre and Cierra, I wanted y’all to talk to your kids about the things we talked about in the induvial sessions with each other.” Dr. Stacy stated while looking at Cierra. Cierra shook her head and started to talk.

“ Well, I want to first tell all of y’all that I love you guys dearly. I am sorry that you saw me and daddy saying all those things to each other,” Cierra looked at her kids, “Mommy want to apologize to Mia. Mia I am sorry that mom got mad at you for what daddy did. Momma is so angry with herself that she did that. I know it is going to take time but forgive me when you feel like it is necessary.” Cierra said still looking at Mia, who was crying.

All that Mia wanted from her mom was an apology. Mia finally spoke up after wiping her tears away.

“Mommy I forgive you. I just want to hear you tell me that all this time.” Mia stated with tears coming down her eyes. Cierra looked at her oldest daughter and hug her while crying. They stayed in that hug for a moment.

Dr. Stacy smiled at the two of them. With that, Dr. Stacy spoke up, “ I am very proud of you both. Even though you both may not think this, but y’all are just alike.” Cierra and Mia look and laugh and nod their head.

“ Now, Tre it is your turn.” Dr. Stacy looking at Tre. Tre looked at Jakob, while Jaokb looked at him.

“ Jakob, I know you are angry with me. You are angry because I told you things about not hurting the people you love. What did I do? I hurt your mom and I hurt y’all,” Tre pause to stop the tears from coming down, “ I am sorry. I hope that you find in your heart to forgive me! To all y’all, I am sorry for the way your mom and I argue in front of you guys.” Tre acknowledge while looking at the kids.

Jakob looked at his father and smiled. He went up to Tre and hugged him tight. Without saying anything, everybody knew that Jakob forgave him. However, Amaya was stuck in the middle of the hug and she was dying from all the must under the arms.

“ Ja Ja, I’m needed you to get your smelly self-off of me!” Amaya shrieked at Jakob throwing her body around. Everybody laughed at the five year old and her tantrum. With that, everything settle down, Dr. Stacy spoke.

“ Well, I am very proud of all of you guys today. With that, I am epsically proud of Tre and Cierra for having an openness that I have not seen from y’all two before. However, we still have a lot of work to do, but we off to a good start.” Dr. Stacy smiled at the two.

“Also, since y’all kids are out of school. What y’all going to do this summer?” Dr. Stacy ask the kids. Amaya was the first one to answer, “ Well Ja Ja and Mia graduation party is this week and also the queen of those birthday is this Saturday.” Mia exclaimed with everyone laughing at her last statement.

Cierra and Tre looked at each other and spoked up, “ Well it’s also our sixth wedding anniversary and eleven years being together on Saturday too.” Tre kept looking at Cierra smiling. With out notice, Mia and Jakob looked at each other we a knowing grin.

“ Well that is great, do you all have anything plan.” Dr. Stacy straighten up in her chair to hear more from the couple.

“ Not this year, with everything happening and the kids. We just didn’t have enough to plan anything.” Cierra said with a little disappointement in her voice. With that, Tre tap her and lean over to kiss her. Both girls had goofy smiles on their faces. While Jakob was about to gagged. Dr. Stacy looked at the clock and notice it was one minute until the session was about to end.

“ Alright guys, it almost time for my next session. I am proud of the whole Rhodes family and apply the tools in our induvial session and using them now. With that, I think that Trevante can move back into the house!” Dr. Stacy said with much excitement for the family of head of her. The kids were very happy and yelled at the top of their lungs. With the final goodbyes, the Rhodes family head out.

With the kids getting back in Cierra’s car, Mia took charge while Cierra wasn’t in there.

“ Okay, momma and daddy anniversary is this Saturday. So we should plan something for them,” Mia pause looking at her brother and sister, “ We going need a lot of help and daddy’s credit card!” Mia exclaimed with the thought of the task in front of her.

While the kids were scheming and calling people for help. Cierra and Tre were outside talking.

“ Well I want to say that I am very proud of us both. I know both of us can be stubborn, especially you.” Tre said while trying miss the playful punch Cierra threw. As the punch hit Tre’s arm, he engulfed her into a hug. They stood there for a while in quiet. Just listening to each other breathing and just showed their love for each. Cierra looked up at Tre and looked into his brown eyes. The same eyes that took her off her feet in AP Chemistry.

Tre grabbed her face, while looking at that MAC lipstick on her lips, and kissed her. This was not just a simple peck, but a kiss with so much raw emotion behind it. Tre bit her lip, so he could easily slide his tongue in there. Their tongues fight for dominance, with Cierra winning. Tre started to slide his hands down Cierra’s back. Then slide it the same butt he accidentally smacked in AP Chemistry. The same butt that was soft and kneadable in his hands all these years. As Tre and Cierra was really getting into it, a car horn blew.

They both looked up from their own world, and saw the Jakob looking at them in disgusted.

“ Y’all know that is nasty right! Acting like y’all don’t have kids watching.” Jakob cringed and shook his head as the window went back up. Even though Jakob was digusted by the fact that his parents kiss like that. He was very happy on the inside because the last time his saw them kiss was last year before everything happen.

As Cierra start walking to the car, Tre grabbed her and whispered in her ear.

“ I love you, and when the kids go to sleep tonight. It is me and you. Plus, that vibrator that you thought I didn’t see that night.” Tre stated to a shock Cierra at the last commented. With that, Tre walked away with a smirk on his face to his car.

With Cierra still shocked, she walked to her car and got in. She sat there for a moment and just thought.

Things are getting back in place.

———————————————————————

What do you y’all think about the therapy session? Were you shock from some of things that was the root of the problem in their relationship? Do you think everything is going good? What is the kids scheming? What is Cierra, Tre and the third thing going to be doing tonight?

Cause y’all I’m just shocked by what Tre said to Cierra....

THE VIBRATOR LITERALLY KILLED ME!!!!!!!!

Well I hope y’all enjoy! Like, Repost, and Comment! Much love y’all!

Taglist: @l-auteuse @twistedcharismaaa @twistedcharismaaa @ljstraightnochaser @19jammmy

#trevante rhodes fanfiction #Trevante Rhodes

36 notes · View notes

aonrivers · 4 years ago

Text

Pregnancy, Birth, Postpartum, and Baby Time! (TMI warning) - Part 02

In Part 01 I went over the truths about being pregnant. Now that the nine (really ten) months are over... Labor and Postpartum begins.

Labor and Postpartum Truths: 1) Not being able to eat sucks once you're admitted into the hospital. You seriously only get ice water like they say online. So make your last meal one that can hold you out until after birth. 2) Contractions feel like really bad period cramps. I'm sure there's some women who feel them worse, but that's all I got on the topic. I was numb for them most of the time. 3) To induce labor, at least for me, they shoved this "shoelace" thing up my you-know-what. As I said before, I was swollen down there, so any time my cervix was checked I was in a lot of pain, and this thing was no different. 4) Hospital rooms are not quiet. Between hearing everyone outside at the nursing station to the beeping in your room, you also have constant visits from nurses when all you wanna do is rest because you're basically waiting for labor to begin. 5) Water breaking isn't a "oh hey I think I peed myself". No. It's like a queef then GUSH and it doesn't stop until you and your bed are soaked. 6) Catheters are handy when you are bed rest and drinking gallons of water. Also, you get one when you get the epidural. Which they don't really tell you until the epidural is offered. 7) Take the epidural if you don't want to experience a natural and painful birth. I felt no pain leading up to labor. I did however feel a shit ton of pain when the pain relief ran out. They tell you it's because labor is all in your back - this excuse is bullshit. I was in so much pain when that shit wore off that my husband said my labor pain face didn't match this one. Once they take the tube out of your back, the pain fades away. But my back still hurts in that spot even as I type this. The pain in the spine also lingers after giving birth. Almost like you need your back seriously cracked. 8) The epidural needle doesn't really hurt if your pain tolerance is high for stuff like this. It's a pinch. What you do feel that is considered almost like a quick throbbing pain is when the fluid is injected. It's like a small punch to your back. 9) Projectile vomit will most likely occur. All the gallons of water you consumed waiting for labor will come projecting out of you before you go into active labor. Be glad your head doesn't start spinning. I up chucked three times and had to have myself redressed and my bedding changed out. 10) Some labor beds have built in handles to assist with labor. See if yours does. They helped a lot. 11) I tore two tiny spots inside my VJ giving birth. They stick a numbing agent where they see you'll be tearing, so that's cool and all - you'll feel it when you start being mobile again. BTW, some women tear bigger. Luckily my baby was only 7lbs. 12) You may not know your labor doctor. I met mine briefly the day before at my doctor's office, but never before that. Don't feel shy about being exposed in front of them though, they do this for a living. 13) Speaking of being shy. I am a prude with my body. I don't want people checking out my ass or having my nipples poking through my shirt on a cold day but all of this goes out the window when you're in the hospital to give birth and here's why. One: this is the doctor and nurse's job. They see boobs, ass, and vagina every day. And two: you're giving birth - who TF cares what you look like. 14) Pushing a baby out is not like pushing pee out. It's like taking the biggest shit of your life. You push with your asshole. Literally. And it causes hemorrhoids and for your ass to hurt WEEKS after giving birth. (Do yourself a favor and get some fiber enriched foods because pooping is not easy it pain free.) 15) Those home videos of the women giving birth don't exist anymore. It's pretty much illegal. I guess people were blackmailing the mother. Idk. That's what my nurse said. But they give you a big ass mirror to watch the birth of your baby so that's really cool. 16) Hospitals offer photographs of your newborn (unless you gave birth in 2020). It's usually expensive and I would've done it too if they offered. My husband got amazing shots of our daughter which I cropped out to make that oval baby picture our parents in the 80s got. 17) Taking pictures of your baby in the nursery is a big no no. I wish I could've seen my baby under the UV lamp with her glasses on to fix her jaundice, but I was bedridden with the pre-eclampsia. Hubby saw her though. He says she was just chilling while all the other babies were crying their heads off. FYI, the reason you can't take pictures is because of the other babies in there. They're not yours. You don't have the right to photograph them even if your baby is mixed in and she's the only one you want the picture of. 18) I wasn't told this until it came time... But they push your belly and I mean in your belly button and hard. They check if your uterus is shrinking and returning in place. (Breastfeeding helps it go faster.) This pushing hurts like a mofo. Seriously. And they don't care if you're in pain from, oh idk - THE EPIDURAL WEARING OFF! They are required to check. 19) My friend told me this which I think is important to know... When you're doped up on pain meds before birth or if you're having a really hard time during the labor process (time you entered hospital to when the baby pops out), have someone with you. Have that person listen to the words coming out of the doctor and nurse's mouths. My friend didn't and took meds they gave her and was devastated when her baby came out gray and on the edge of death. She didn't know what they gave her or what they said about the meds. If she did, she would've known this would be the outcome of her child's birth (baby lived btw. He just graduated high school last year!) 20) Labor and Delivery nurses are freaking awesome. Postpartum nurses not so much... 21) The hospital food really isn't that bad. At least, it wasn't where I stayed. I had choices for breakfast, lunch, and dinner too! 22) Nurses can't technically tell you no to taking the baby to the nursery. Yes you need bonding time with your baby, but you also need rest. 23) The chair that pulls out into a bed for your partner is uncomfortable af. They have cots. Ask for one. 24) I couldn't have visitors. Make sure you don't either. It's nice. You don't gotta worry about appearance or staying awake for your guest. Birth is about you and your baby (and partner) and the time you have with them. Your guest can wait till you get home. 25) Back to the heartburn and hairy babies talk. This isn't really a myth. My baby came out with a full head of hair, hair on her ears, and fuzz all over her shoulders and back. At a month old it's going away, but that head of hair is real. And so was that heartburn!! 26) Bleeding after birth is like having your period back, but it goes on and on. It changes colors and has a gross smell to it. And wearing a pad again SUCKS! I do have to say though... That mesh underwear they give you is freaking awesome. I want some for my daily wear. 27) For a week or two, I felt like I was punched in the cooch. Walking hurt, getting up hurt, even bathing hurt (no baths until you heal btw, so I showered). Even now, a month later, I still feel pain down there when sitting a certain way (like Indian style). But what do I expect? A freaking baby was pushed out of me!! 28) After the six week heal time is up, don't expect sex to go back to normal. It still hurts for me but this time because of the bruising and stitches. 29) When it's time for sex, lube up. Breastfeeding and hormones still rampant don't assist in easy glide ins (if you know what I mean). 30) When the milk comes in, your boobs get bigger, harder, and start to ache. Feed feed feed or feed and pump. It's the only way to fix it. And don't be surprised when you wake up and your bed is stained with milk puddles because you're still sleeping naked to easily feed your little one at night. My side of the bed is disgusting, but ce la vie! It comes with the territory (like lack of sleep). 31) Also, sleeping on your side with milk filled boobs is not easy. It hurts. Go back to sleeping on your back because belly sleeping isn't comfortable either. 32) Everything you buy or received for your baby screams suffocation with it's warning labels. Don't let it get you paranoid like it did for me. Learn your babies habits and go with your instincts. They also sell baby breathing monitors that alert you if the baby stops breathing. 33) Outfits are cute and irresistible, but try to resist buying those newborn clothes. My baby grew out of them all within three weeks and wore only half of the clothes we had. Also, buy larger clothes - season conscious - that way you're ready when the baby starts growing out of their clothes. We had hardly any 3 month PJs, now her closet is over packed... 34) The baby may not sleep in their crib or bassinet right away. My girl would rather be on me or my husband than a cold bed. Seriously. They want your baby sleeping with nothing but a fitted mattress that's cold and a swaddle or wearable blanket. My baby hates swaddles and kicked too much with the wearable blanket. She sleeps with me for easy feeding and comfort - for me and her. I don't sleep much but slowly I've been getting my Z's and during the day I put her in the bassinet on her belly because I can watch her and she's amazing with that head support already. When she doesn't feed every 2-3 hours, she'll be spending more time on her own in her bed. So don't be discouraged if it's not working for you. It will happen. Just takes time. 35) Sound machine was a waste of a gift. Our phones have sound effects we can tune into. Google Home and Alexa even offer it. My baby doesn't like it, she'd rather listen to us or the TV. Also she doesn't like the dark until she's actually sleeping. She loves bright lights. They tell you the opposite online. 36) If your boobs are small, don't bother getting the shirts where you pull your boob through a window because it won't work. The shirts with the clip that drops to expose the breast are the best. Amazon has great prices and quality shirts on this. My one from Kohl's broke after wearing four times. 37) I really don't think those smiles are gas like they claim it to be. Sure some are. But when your kid smiles without passing gas, they're smiling because they're happy/content. 38) You'll probably end up missing your belly bump the first few weeks like I did. I kept thinking she was still in there. I mean, it's nine months carrying a creature in you. You get used to it. And lastly... 35) You get what you wished for. Any time I talked about having babies, I said keywords on what I wanted: a beautiful, healthy, happy, and smart baby. And I got just that. === So there it is. My journey, my tips, and my nitty gritty of it all of just pregnancy, labor, and postpartum alone!! There is so much more to being a mother; and that will continue in my part 03,04,05,etc to come. IDK how many there will be, only time will tell.

I will continue to update Part 01 and Part 02 when I remember more things.

As Part 03 is conjuring, I would like to say congrats if you're pregnant or gave birth already; and good luck if you're trying.

#pregnancy #birth #postpartum #baby spice #baby #nitty gritty #child #childbirth #children #mother #motherhood #blog #post #new mom #mom to be

8 notes · View notes

soysaucevictim · 4 years ago

Text

Week 3. I’m... struggling.

May 1

I tried to get some sleep in after the all-nighter a bit before 9AM... “got up” around 3PM. This to mean I lied down and didn’t really get any proper sleep, because mind was racing about that project.

But resting was still okay. After I got back up and updated some logs, I did today’s exercise...

First, today’s DD. 50 squats with EC. Manageable, moderately aerobic work. One of the last things I did before things went pear-shaped...

I shortly after found out I lost a family member and I saw what happened. I’m not going to describe it here, for many reasons. But I’ve been dealing with the images and emotional pain since... I probably will in some fashion, for a long time.

Last, Day 13 of BREATH. “Feel“. Yoga was emotionally uncomfortable as hell... but I brought myself to the mat accepting that I was going in feeling extremely tender in that dept. Let’s just say there were some waterworks and a very real sense of survivor’s guilt. That’s all I’m going to say there.

I tried to deal with things with chatting and discretionary venting on Twitter...

I forced myself through another all-nighter to finish that sewing project. Fought against images and waves of intense emotions to keep going. I don’t think I would’ve succeeded at sleeping through the night anyways.

May 2

I tried to sleep again round 8AM - it was more just physical rest till like 10AM. Too restless.

Touched base on what happened with a family member. They were... all of us were... are distraught.

I had a more successful attempt at sleeping for a couple hours after that. Honestly, painful. But it was mutually beneficial and necessary. Probably made the nap easier.

Shortly after, I endeavored to get some working out done.

First, today’s DD. 50 climber taps with EC. Ngl, it took a little psyching myself up to get down and do this. As expected, really started feeling the abs in the last 10-20 reps.

Second, Day 14 of BREATH. “Space“. This was less emotionally fraught - even though there were moments wrapping up that I had twangs of sorrow. It’s too soon to let everything I’m going to need to go... but I imagine, there will be in the future. Too raw and in pain to manage that yet. I did like the back arch balance stands and toe stand moments, the most.

Last, Day 13 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Had phone on floor because it was all planks. My climbers ran at more of a jog than a sprint - but then again energy levels wasn’t up to that. The last 2 sets in particular that were the hardest.

Made dinner, did some dishes, chatted and started on that vent art of Virgil to help process things a little. I basically pulled another all-nighter.

May 3

I decided to let care team know about what happened with a local crisis unit/line, before trying to get some sleep.

I woke up proper around 3PM, I think this was modestly more restful.

After some of the usual... was both somewhat relieved and distressed when one of the family member’s friends called his phone. We were able to let his circle know what happened.

I then got to some exercise again.

First, today’s DD. 1′ elbow clicks with EC. I counted 74 reps by the end of the duration. Manageable and simple.

Second, Day 15 of BREATH. “Enter“. Despite walking into this having eaten a lot of wasabi peas - I elected to do full planks and kept back knee raised for high lunge variations upon Adriene’s invitation to. It was nice getting into a sort of flow - gathering what we were going to do next before Adriene instructed a few times.

Last, Day 14 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. The squat hops were honestly the brutal part, today. Was tempted to not shoot for Level 3, but decided to anyways. Just glad I completed it, today.

Did some of the usual, made some dinner, and finished up that drawing.

I stayed up obscenely late, but not another all-nighter.

May 4

I woke up around 11AM.

Touched base with therapist on the phone. Made a mortuary appointment and asked family to help get me (and Dad) to that appointment later in the week.

Hit the showers, met some more family in person.

Did some of the usual before deciding to add, sort, and transfer the contents of my Anxiety Box into Virgil’s jar. I also decided to start filling the Patton jar with some things I was grateful for. I think this was helpful.

I dusted off Facebook for the first time in like years. Saw that his friends have been pouring condolences onto his page. I was pretty disconnected from his circle of friends... wound up adding many of the ones I recognized hearing about. This was a painful straddle between gratefulness and sorrow.

Had to field another call on his phone. That hurt too. I kind of wished I could unlock it.

I then got going on my workouts, pretty late...

First, today’s DD. 1′ raised leg circles with EC (supine). I counted a total of 45 reps, reversing the direction at the 30″ mark. Doable despite needing to hold head up.

Second, Day 16 of BREATH. “Discipline“. This was an extremely chill day - focusing on extending and slowing down the breaths... definitely well-timed given how tiring/harrowing today has been.

Last, Day 15 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Just arm work, I’d say these days are amongst the easiest to get through. Again, good for energy levels.

I wound up in bed around the same time as yesterday.

May 5

I woke up around 11AM again.

I went to Seeking Safety Group again. I wanted and needed to be there. That’s all I’m going to say on that one.

Got home, almost dozing off. But spent all day and night hanging out with a local friend.

I did some dishes and made one of the Hello Fresh Meal. Creamy pesto grillng cheese ciabattas. Me and friend really enjoyed this one.

Among many things - I think sharing DWIT and the first half of “The Poisoner’s Handbook“ were some of the highlights.

We wound up talking the night away, despite it not being the best idea.

Oh well, the bed was made at that point.

May 6

So one of the first things I had to deal with was a morning dental appointment. It was a nice appointment, talked about things with discretion. I’m hoping it may get a tiny bit easier to talk about for it. (Obviously NOT oversharing to anyone and everyone.)

Grabbed some Starbucks and had to get frustrated with LogistiCare, in activating my return trip home. I was honestly getting close to collapse of exhaustion by the time it got to me. (Not going to blame anyone really... it was unfortunate for how bone tired I was.)

Got home and took a short nap, before the mortuary appointment.

I kind of didn’t want to - but after that, I was roped into seeing extended family. It was nice but also further exhausting. But I will say that a highlight was being able to share with my great uncle a series about the Spanish Flu. He likes history stuff and learned a lot of new things about that situation - also was nice tying it in with his interest in stuff like the WW. (Also glad and was struck by all the observed parallels with, uh, what’s been happening with COVID. But I’ll leave it at that.)

Medical history and the like was a welcome distraction. Especially the fact that that great uncle was an interested party to share it to.

Got home again and spent some of the night on the usual and decided that I was only up for catching up on my DDs...

First, yesterday’s DD. 40 side bridges with EC. It was questionable, given sheer level of exhaustion. But I felt like catching up on SOME of my regimen anyways..

Last, today’s DD. 40 windshield with EC. Same thoughts about previous exercise.

Updated some logs and stuff before hitting the sack. In the green zone for once, yet again. I was just so profoundly exhausted at that point.

May 7

I woke up around 11AM.

One the first things I wound up doing was fielding a lot of phone calls to get other appointment-related affairs handled.

Spent some time on the usual and sketching an art idea out that I’m not sure I’ll flesh out just yet. It’s kind of detail-intensive.

Then, I decided to catch up on my exercise regimen.

First, today’s DD. 2′ bicep extensions with EC. I counted 155 reps by the end of it. Biceps felt pretty tired after that one, at that pace. But very doable.

(After watching some YouTube and whatnot...)

Second, Day 17 of BREATH. “Explore“. Man, was this intense on my quads for my energy levels today. But I tried my best to get through it as best as possible. I think the chair poses were especially intense.

Third, Day 18 of BREATH. “Center“. This was alright. I liked the calf raise hold stuff and a lot more of the chill stuff today. Warriors were okay. Still have a ways to go to pull off Crow Pose, but that is a challenging one, for sure.

(After a lot of usual stuff...)

Fourth, Day 16 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Intense, but I enjoyed the fact this was mostly jumping jacks. Think the twist jacks were the weirdest part. Got fairly winded by the end.

(After making/eating some dinner and watching some videos for that to settle...)

Last, Day 17 of 1′HIIT.Level 3, 1′ rest. A bit more strength-oriented leg work - what with the leg raises and lunges. Glad I didn’t have to worry too much about doing this in a semi-full stomach (butt kicks do some jostling but generally not as much as like high knees).

I spent some time watching/listening to videos and updating some logs after this.

I got to bed pretty late in the red again... but not an all-nighter.

#adventures with fitness #adventures with hello fresh #family shit/#death/#(this... this was a traumatizing wk)#(i didn't detail what happened more than the fallout... however)#covid mention/#(but that's not related to what happened to us this week)

1 note · View note

whiskynottea · 5 years ago

Photo

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35, Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44, Chapter 45, Chapter 46, Chapter 47, Chapter 48, Chapter 49, Chapter 50, Chapter 51 Chapter 52, Chapter 53, Chapter 54, Chapter 55, Chapter 56, Chapter 57, Chapter 58, Chapter 59

AO3

(long) A/N: This story was born as a result of my procrastination. I wrote the first chapter instead of working on the paper for my PhD, an evening I was alone in the lab. I couldn’t resist, because I could see Jamie right there in front of me, teasing Claire in the class. Now, a year and a half later, I have finished writing my paper and my PhD thesis, got my PhD and I prepare for the next stage of my life. I guess what I want to say is… It has been a journey.

I posted the first chapter as a one-shot and your feedback made me go on. Back then I knew the beginning and the end of this story and thought it would be about 20 chapters long. Well, these two kids had other plans. They had so much to do in between, to live together, that the story kept becoming longer and longer. And I loved it. I loved writing them. I really, really did.

When I was a few chapters in, I posted something about English not being my native language (as if that wasn’t obvious -- I had just started writing in English). The amazing @theministerskat saw that post and sent me a dm offering to beta Thermo. She was the first person I talked to on Tumblr and has stayed with me since then, correcting approximately 124,472,539 wrong prepositions in the process. Kat, I hope you haven’t regretted that dm. I can’t thank you enough. Love you.

So, here we are. The last chapter! Thank you all for the love you have shown to this story. Thank you for your reblogs, comments and likes. Thank you for your messages. Thank you for being a part of this journey! You’re amazing.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 60. An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics

Oxmas.

A little Christmas bubble in Oxford before the end of the term, created for the students to celebrate the holiday together. Even if it had to be a month early.

Music, colourful Christmas markets, trees going up on the streets -- even at the centre of the old Bodleian court. I could never have imagined the Bodleian court looking more beautiful, but apparently, everything looks better with a Christmas tree.

My legs were hurting from the midnight ice-skating Malva, Mary, and Maisri had dragged me to. The three M’s of my Catastrophe, as I called them. But it was fun. A lot of fun. So much fun that I had forgotten myself for a while and laughed with all my heart.

Then I’d remembered that I would never tell him how great midnight ice-skating with friends was.

Him. Sometimes it was difficult even to think of his name, let alone say it.

But life was going on and I was still at Oxford, with friends and our magical Christmas campus. Thinking about how terrible the holiday would be back at home, I decided that I owed it to myself to have a little bit of fun here.

I didn’t want to think about the end of the term. I was supposed to go to the US and then to Lallybroch with Jamie. Lamb wouldn't be in Edinburgh, because when I announced my initial plans he’d decided that he wouldn’t fly back. He was at a critical point in his research, he’d said.

Back then, it was fine. Lamb was happy and he’d eased my guilt for leaving him alone in a single phone call.

It was the reason I still hadn't told Lamb about Jamie. I didn’t want him to come back because his little niece couldn’t handle a break-up. And now, once the term was over, I would spend a month in Edinburgh alone, most probably studying for the next term. The ideal Christmas break. Just awesome.

“You’re still in your pyjamas?” Malva’s eyebrows shot up the moment she entered my dorm room.

“Yes?” I asked confused, as I watched her walking towards me, shaking her head.

“Today is the event at Bodleian’s Old Schools Quad, remember? The one with the projections of maps on the buildings? You said you wanted to go!”

I had said that, but then I forgot about it. It would be amazing, seeing the maps from the Bodleian Library collection projected onto the library’s historic buildings. I shot Malva an apologetic glance and got out of bed. “Give me ten minutes?” I implored, and headed towards my closet.

“We’ll wait for you outside,” she said, before I heard the door click shut.

I wore my favourite pair of jeans and a soft, warm sweater. Boots. A woollen scarf and a beanie, that meant I didn’t have to put any effort into taming my unruly curls. In less than ten minutes, I joined Malva and Mary who were giggling at something next to the front door.

“What?” I asked, walking towards the entrance.

“Well, our little shy daisy here has something to tell you, Claire.”

My eyes shot from Malva’s teasing smile to Mary’s blushing cheeks. “Oh my God! What?”

“It’s nothing!” Mary exclaimed, much louder than normal. Startling herself with her raised voice, her next words came out in a whisper. “It’s nothing, nothing. I’ve only met him once.”

“Him? Who?” I inquired with a grin on my face.

“Alex,” Malva replied instead of Mary, batting her eyelashes and faking a swoon.

“Who is Alex, Mary?”

“This guy,” Mary murmured. “I dropped my scarf last night and he picked it up and gave it back to me. He was so kind, and he smiled…”

“And?” I pushed her, but Mary had hardly heard me, lost in her reverie.

“We were walking in the same direction,” she continued, her voice dreamy. “And we talked, and I don’t know how, but I didn’t stutter at all. He had the most beautiful eyes, and he’s a fresher too.”

“Which college?” Malva asked, chewing her lip. “We should pay him a visit!”

“Nnn-o, no, no.” Mary faltered. “And I don’t know that, anyway. An older guy materialized next to us all of a sudden and told him they had to go. Alex looked at me and said --”

“Till next time,” Malva spoke, imitating a man’s low voice.

“Yes, but not like that, you know,” Mary corrected, smiling and blushing even more. “But he doesn’t have my number and I-- I don’t know how…”

“Come on.” I linked her elbow with mine. “He might be there tonight.”

I was sure Mary hadn’t seen a single projection all night, her eyes scanning the crowd for him, for Alex. It was sweet and honest, and it made my heart hurt. So I focused my attention on the lights dancing on the hundred year old walls. The old and the new, in perfect conjunction. With my eyes on the Old School Quad buildings, I didn’t notice another him until he was standing right next to me.

“That interested in maps, are you?” Robert’s French accent stood out from the British ones around us. I hadn’t seen him since that night at the bar, three days before. We had agreed to go out for drinks again, the way people always do when they say goodbye because they feel like they have to. He had my number and I had his from when we were back in Zambia, but, as expected, neither of us had called.

“It’s enchanting, isn’t it?” I asked in a light voice as I moved my eyes over another projection.

He made a low, affirmative sound, but when I turned my head towards him, he was already looking at me again. “So, how do you find your first Oxmas?”

Robert shrugged. “It’s weird, isn’t it? The term hasn’t finished and I still have to work on an essay for the 26th, but everyone is so cheery. And you know, the trees, the lights…”

“They create a totally different atmosphere,” I finished his thought. “It will be weird when it’s over, going back to the pre-Christmas mood.”

“Definitely,” he agreed. “But I like it.”

“Well, celebrating Christmas twice can’t be bad.”

His eyes changed for a moment, and his mouth became a hard line. Before I had the chance to say something, he smiled.

“Christmas is not my favourite time of the year,” he explained softly.

I was ready to ask how that could be, but I stopped myself in time. His mother. Maybe Christmas brought back memories of family traditions, and his mother was an inextricable part of this time for him. As Ellen had been for Jamie. I wondered whether not having so many memories from my parents was beneficial from time to time. But then, I would give my soul for a few more moments with them.

I took a step towards Robert and squeezed his arm in solidarity. Neither of us spoke, but we didn’t need to.

At some point, Malva disappeared and a bit later I felt someone pinching my arm.

“Ouch!” I turned to look at Mary. “What?” She was blushing again, and when I looked next to her, I saw a skinny guy with brown hair and the sweetest smile who was blushing too.

“I didn’t find him, but he found me,” Mary whispered to me, her eyes shining with happiness. “Do you mind if we leave?”

I bit my lip to stop the smile from growing wider on my face. “No, of course not. Good luck!” I watched them until they disappeared into the crowd.

I spent the rest of the night standing next to Robert, admiring the projections, enjoying the comfortable silence between us, and letting the colours of light sneak into my heart.

“So, what’s the plan now?” he asked once the event was over. He looked around, searching for something. Or someone. “It seems that my friends ditched me,” he observed a moment later.

I snorted. “Yeah, mine too. Not big fans of maps, it seems.”

“Booze sounds better,” he commented.

“Does it?” I wondered.

“Oui. Join me for a pint?” Robert winked at me, then looked nonchalantly at the people leaving the library.

“You know that once I take the beanie off, a jungle of curls will be waiting underneath it?” I half-joked, half-prepared him for what he would see.

Robert laughed, then looked at my beanie as if I was hiding a little monster underneath it.

“You’re right,” he grimaced after a long moment of examination. “We better just walk around.”

His grimace became sincere when he felt my blow to his arm. “You’re an arse,” I added, for good measure.

“I think I’ve heard that one before,” he laughed, rubbing his arm. “That hurt,” he grumbled. “You’re paying for the drinks.”

“Fine! But no hair jokes for the rest of the night!”

“Deal!” he said, tugging on a curl, stretching it out and watching it spring back.

We went to a crowded pub, sat at the only available table in a corner, but Robert didn’t let me pay for the drinks. We talked about life in Oxford, the medical school and his courses on economics, and I tried hard to keep Jamie out of my mind, not to break down just because Robert had some common classes with him. Robert talked about his father’s business in France, and listened to my stories from my travels with Lamb. When we left, he announced that he would walk me back to my dorm, because it was late and he was a gentleman. Ignoring my snort at his description of himself, we started walking towards the dorms of Lady Margaret’s Hall.

It was much quieter now that the events were over, but students were still walking around, laughing, flirting, and giggling. The night was beautiful, and a few stars hung in the clear sky. I took a deep breath and tried to empty my head from all thoughts of my heartbreak. I had fun tonight, and I was allowed to. I was entitled to it.

When we arrived at my dorm, I turned to say goodnight only to find Robert’s face a few inches away from mine. My heart stopped when I felt his hot breath and smelled the peppermint in it, from drops he’d bought from a stall at the Christmas market. I held my breath in turn, knowing that it smelled exactly the same. I had eaten half his peppermint drops on our way back to my dorm.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Before I had time to think, Robert tilted his head closer to me, and the next moment he brushed his lips against mine. It was gentle. A start. An invitation for more.

And I freaked out.

I took a hurried step back, raising a hand to my lips and looking at him through wide eyes.

Robert frowned at me, then took a step back, too. “You’re single, aren’t you?” he implored, perplexed.

“How?” I asked, not wanting to affirm his notion.

“How did I know?”

I nodded.

“You haven’t mentioned him once tonight or the other night at the bar, you’re not constantly on your phone texting him and you didn’t send him a picture from the event. Even though you loved it. It wasn’t so hard to figure out,” he concluded and shrugged, his gaze falling on my lips again.

“I guess I’m quite easy to read,” I murmured and heard him chuckle.

“I like that.”

I nodded again, not knowing what to say. The truth. I had to tell him the truth. I was never good at lies, anyway.

“Robert,” I started and his green eyes locked with mine. He was one of those people who didn’t even have to try to look good. Robert was the definition of a handsome man. But that didn’t matter at all. I took a deep breath and continued. “You’re not wrong. Jamie and I, we…” I swallowed, cursing myself for stumbling. “We broke up. But I’m not ready, and I don’t want to move on before I am. It wouldn’t be fair, to either of us.”

Robert nodded and raised his chin, in defeat or acceptance I wasn’t sure, but kept his eyes low on the ground. “I understand.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, wanting him to look at me again. “I’m still in love with him.”

At that comment, Robert looked at me and gave me a wistful smile. He took a step towards me again and placed a warm, gentle hand on my cheek. His thumb caressed my cheekbone as he murmured something in French, so low that I wasn’t able to catch it. “You’re a good one, Claire,” he said, at last.

“I don’t know about that,” I disagreed.

“I do,” he insisted, then took a step back and turned to leave. I stayed rooted in place. He had only taken two steps away before he turned back again, grinned at me, and said, “See you around, Miss Bennet.”

As I walked up to my room, I wondered whether he was a good one. If I had made a huge mistake by stopping him, by not kissing him back. He was beautiful, smart and witty, even if he was a little bit more cocky and authoritative than I would like.

And yet, kissing him now didn’t feel right.

Robert had a wonderful French accent, and all I wanted to hear was Jamie’s heavy Scottish one.

I fell onto my bed, hating Jamie for ruining my Oxmas, my chances for a future, my life. Hating myself for loving him so much.

Mary came back from her date after midnight. Alex had kissed her and her exhilaration permeated the thick layer of unhappiness that surrounded me. I was happy for her. I was glad she had found someone who was so like her, who could understand her, and care for her. Who didn’t mind if she was shy or stuttered, and saw the lovely person she was.

By the time Mary fell asleep, I couldn’t find it in me to be upset anymore. But I couldn’t force myself to be happy either. I slipped into my semi-depressed state with ease, and when I realized sleep wasn’t a choice anymore, I put on my thickest winter coat and headed out to the gardens.

I don’t know how long I sat by the river, crying, while trying to stop my stupid heart from suffocating me. At last, I lay down on the cold grass, closed my eyes and wondered what kind of an idiot I would be if I ended up with pneumonia. Maybe that would be enough of a shock to delete Jamie from my mind.

Maybe.

I woke up with the dawn overtaking the night sky and a hand holding mine. My heart began beating faster and faster, and I closed my eyes again, trying to figure out what to do. This wasn’t a woman’s hand. It wasn’t Mary’s, or Malva’s. It was a big, warm, male hand that seemed strangely familiar. But who was I to be sure about the familiarity of hands? I resolved to leap to my feet, take a look at the person lying beside me, and if I didn’t know him, run back to my dorm as fast as I could.

But then he spoke. And his voice was a balm that soothed reality away.

“If I lay here, if I just lay here, will you lie with me and just forget the world?”

My heart stopped and I felt my eyes grow abnormally wide as I opened them again. I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. I tried to react, to turn and look at him, but I was afraid that he was just a dream and the moment I turned he would dissolve into thin air. He had spoken to me in my dreams before. He had never been there when I had woken up.

“But you’ve never touched me,” I croaked with effort.

“What?” His whisper was barely audible. Tentative.

“You’ve never touched me in my dreams before.”

A chuckle. “Yeah, bummer.” His voice quivered and a shiver ran down my spine. “I couldn’t touch you in my dreams either, Sassenach, and I decided to do something about it.”

My whole body tensed.

The gall of him.

I sat up so quickly the world tilted on its axis for a few seconds. When I found my bearings again, I slowly turned to look at him.

God, he was beautiful. Those red curls, the bright blue eyes, the wide mouth. I suddenly realized why I couldn’t kiss Robert. His soft brown locks, his shining green eyes, his full lips -- they were all wrong. Perfect, but wrong.

A small smile curled Jamie’s lips and I realized he was drinking me in too.

And then it hit me. The hurt, the desperation, the anger.

“What are you doing here.” It wasn’t a question. It was an interrogation. I set my jaw, resolute to be rigid, determined not to cry.

“I had to see you,” he said in a low voice and moved to take my hand. I snatched it away from him.

“Why? Are you trying to establish a new tradition? Do we have to see each other once a month now that we’re not together?”

“Twenty-six days,” he countered.

“What?” I asked incredulously.

“It’s been twenty-six days since that night.”

That night. I knew exactly how many days it had been. A part of me had died over the course of each one of those days. I kept my hard gaze on Jamie for a long moment, then stood up. “Well, you saw me. Now, goodbye, Jamie.”

“Claire!” he yelled, alarmed, as he sprang up and rushed to me. “Wait.” He towered over me and grabbed my arm, afraid I would leave if he didn’t have a proper hold on me. I didn’t know if he was wrong about that. I wanted to get away, far away from him. Even looking at him hurt. “Please, Sassenach.”

“What do you want?” Ice infused my tone.

“I need to talk to you.”

I didn’t want to listen to him, and yet, I wished for him to tell me everything. I wanted to know his heart, his thoughts. I needed answers, so many answers, but just looking at him and knowing he had decided he didn’t want to be mine was stealing my breath. He was here, but he wasn’t my Jamie anymore.

I took a step to leave and heard him gasp, as if I had shot him. I froze in place, balling my hands into fists.

I was fighting with myself, struggling to find what I wanted, and how much more pain I could handle. I closed my eyes, trying to set my feelings in order before they could choke me.

I felt like I was four again, standing in the aisle with the chocolate bars at the grocery store and trying to choose one. It was one of the few memories I had with my dad, shopping together. I will never forget how I had stared and stared at the chocolates, licking my lips as if I were imagining their taste on my tongue, trying to decide which one I should put in our cart. And then, surprising myself, I had suddenly started crying. Soon my silent tears turned into wailing, bringing my dad’s attention back to me.

“What's wrong, Claire?” he had asked, eyebrows scrunched in a frown.

But I couldn't answer his question. I hadn’t known what was wrong. I only knew that I wanted to do what he had asked and choose only one chocolate, but I also wanted to buy all of them. And I felt tired, too tired to decide. I only wanted my mum, because mum would know which chocolate was the best. So I kept crying, and crying, until my breath came in gasps, and my dad's face was blurry in front of me.

He had held my shoulders and pulled me into a hug, then, his big hand drawing circles on my back to soothe me.

“In here,” he had said afterwards, tapping lightly on my chest, “Snuggle our feelings. And they are so many, sweetheart, that sometimes they don't talk to each other and try to get out of our chest all at once. And we start crying, because we are confused and we don't know how to feel. I want you to take a deep breath, stop crying, and tell me what's wrong.”

And with my father squatting in front of me, his hands tucking errand curls behind my ears, I had told him that I didn't know what I wanted.

I felt the same now, only that I was not four anymore, and I couldn’t throw a fit. Jamie was here, standing in front of me, looking me through pleading eyes, and he was all the chocolates. And yet, I couldn't have him. I couldn't trust him, not anymore, but I didn't want to leave either. I couldn't.

So I inhaled. Exhaled. In and out, again and again, following my dad’s advice. My coat was soaked from lying on the grass for so many hours, and my hands felt like ice cubes. And I decided to listen to him.

“Let’s go find a bench. My arse is freezing.”

I started walking and heard him falling in step behind me, undoing the zipper of his insulated jacket. “Here,” he offered, catching up with me in two wide strides.

“I’m fine, thank you,” I dismissed him, keeping my chin high.

“Please, Sassenach.”

“Don’t call me that!” I hissed, breathing hard. He had decided that I was not his Sassenach before he made that video call. I was plain Claire to him now, and he had better deal with it.

“Please, Claire,” he repeated, rectifying his slip.

I took his jacket begrudgingly and wore it. It was dry and warm, and it smelled like him.

Dammit.

Two minutes later we were sitting on a bench, watching the sky changing from a deep blue to a lighter one. It was beautiful. This would be one of my favourite moments with him if his surprise had happened a month ago. Now, however, I could feel the bitter taste of these twenty-six days in my throat every time I swallowed.

“I’ll hear you.”

“Can I hold yer hands, please?”

“No.” My voice was colder than my hands as I shoved them into his jacket pockets.

Jamie took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. It was such a simple gesture and so him, that I felt my heart clench inside my chest. “I miss ye, Claire,” he whispered. “Every moment, every day.”

I resolved not to talk until he was done, and to keep any tears at bay. I would not cry. I would not.

“I miss ye when I wake up and I don’t find yer text on my phone. I miss ye when the guys do something funny and I can’t text you to laugh with you about it. I miss ye when I finish training and I can’t call ye to see how ye’re doing. I miss ye when I go back to the dorm and canna talk to ye about my day. I wake up every day, knowing that no matter what happens I willna be happy, Claire... I canna think of myself without ye.”

Fuck my resolution. I had to speak.

“You didn’t seem to have any problem with that, twenty-six days ago,” I deadpanned.

“I was a fool.” Jamie’s voice trembled. “I thought… I thought breaking up would be hard, but we’d get over it and then everything would be easier for both of us. I could see ye struggling here, and I couldna even hug you when ye needed me, when ye were tired from long hours in the library. Ye couldna come to my races or be there to calm me down when I was stressed. Another guy in the team broke up with his girlfriend who lived in another State and he got over it, eventually. And we arena in different States, Claire. We live on different continents,” he explained as if that detail had eluded me. “I felt torn all the time, between ye and my life in the US. I ken that I was the one who changed our plans, I was the one who went to Michigan--”

“I never said anything about our plans. I never complained, and I supported your decision from the very first moment. I was the one who told you to go. That is not why we broke up. We broke up because you stopped believing in us. Because you wanted somebody who would be closer to you.”

“No!” he protested, his gaze bore into mine with insistence and flame. “No, not somebody. Not anybody. I wanted ye to be close to me, and I thought that if we were in a long-distance relationship for years the pain of not seeing each other would become too much, until we couldna take it anymore. Or what we had would become less. I thought that we would gradually fall apart, and I didna want that. I thought that we didna have any other option, Sassenach. Every time that ye missed one of my calls, or I missed yers, I became more sure of it. Then I thought…” he trailed off.

“What? What else did you think, Jamie?” I prompted, impatient. He was a mess but I didn’t feel merciful in that moment to go soft on him. Not after everything I had been through.

“I thought if we were destined to be together, maybe we would find each other again once ended up in the same country. But now I know, Claire. I dinna want to find ye again after how ever many years, and realize that ye don’t want to be mine anymore. That there is a big part of yer life that I know nothing about. I dinna want to miss yer first day in the OR, or yer graduation. I dinna want to miss yer smiles after yer tutorials, even if I can only see them through a screen. I dinna ken what I was thinking when I believed I could do it without you, but I can’t. I can’t and I don’t want to be without you.”

I huffed, partly because I didn’t want to let his words have an impact on me. “Twenty-six days. Took you long enough.”

“I tried, at first. I tried to go on, to tuck you into a corner of my heart and keep living. But I couldn’t, Sassenach, because all of my heart was yers. I could have come to find you after those first few days. And maybe I should have, but I didna, because I wanted to be sure. But no matter how hard I tried, living without ye didna become easier. It became harder. I kent how I was with ye, and now I ken how it is to live without ye. It sucks, Claire. I’m miserable without ye. All I could think of this past month--”

“Twenty-six days,” I interrupted him.

He smiled, shaking his head. “I love ye. A Dhia, I love ye so much it hurts. Twenty-six days. All I could think of was ye, Sassenach. How I wanted to share everything with ye. How I needed to ken where ye are, what ye’re doing, and how ye feel. I missed ye with every breath I took. And now I ken that I canna go on without ye.”

I’d resolved not to cry, but treacherous tears were rolling down my cheeks without asking for my permission.

“And how do I know that you won’t change your mind again? How can I trust you again, Jamie?” My question found its target in his heart, and I saw his sharp intake of breath from the impact. “You broke my heart,” I whispered, as an explanation. “You broke me.”

He looked down for a moment, but quickly locked his eyes on mine again. “I fucked up. I know I did. Forgive, mo nighean donn. Forgive me, please.” He paused for a moment, and extended his hand between us, palm facing up. He didn’t remove it when I didn’t move to take it, and he continued. “All I’m asking for is another chance. One chance, Sassenach. If ye’re not ready, if ye need time, I can wait. I will wait for as long as it takes.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t think time would change how I felt. I loved him, I knew I did. But he had given up on us, yielding to his fears. He didn’t believe we would make it through all the years of our separation. He had chosen a life without me and broke me in the process.

Well, and he regretted it. It was clear that he did. I could see it as much in the pain in his eyes as I could hear it in his voice when he spoke.

I watched Jamie’s chest rising and falling with every breath he took while he waited for me to say something. His hair was a mess from all the times he had run his hand through it. I wanted to fix it, and then run my fingers over his cheekbones, over the curve of his lips. And yet, I was frozen in my place. Not even to take his hand that lay on the bench between us.

“How can we ever be the same again?” I asked, unsure. I started caving in, and I didn’t know how to feel about it.

“I dinna want us to be the same. D’ye remember the first time I talked to ye?” he asked with a timid smile. “In Mrs. Fitz’s class, ye were keeping notes on the first law of thermodynamics.”

I didn’t know where he was going with that, but I stayed silent and let him go on.

“The conservation of energy. Nothing is lost, Sassenach; only changed. And I don’t care if we change, as long as we change together. This… Me without ye… It was an interruption in the first law of thermodynamics. Because I was lost. And that’s against the laws of physics.”

I laughed. This was ridiculous. Jamie blushed, and then laughed with me.

“I ken what I want now, Claire. I want ye. I want us. And I will fight for us, if ye let me, because what we had -- what we have -- it’s true. It’s truer than anything I will ever get. It’s more than I could ever ask for.”

I kept my eyes on the river, the grass, the sky. I felt my heart beating faster in response to his words, as if each time he spoke he glued another of its broken parts back in place.

“All I’m asking for, is a chance,” Jamie implored. “A chance to prove myself to ye, mo ghraidh.”

“A chance,” I murmured, trying to sort the tangle of emotions in my chest.

He came closer, now brave enough to take my hands out of my pockets and wrap them in his. “I know ye and ye know me. Ye’re the only person in the world that really knows me. Ye’re my heart and my soul Claire, and I canna leave without them, can I?” Without taking his eyes from me, he leaned into me and kissed me gently on the lips.

And damn him, it felt right. But I didn’t kiss him back. I had more to say.

“You didn’t talk to me.” I kept my voice calm. “You had all these thoughts in your head, and you left me here in the dark, thinking that everything was alright on your end. And when you made up your mind, you just called me to announce the verdict of a trial I didn’t participate in.”

Jamie opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again. I guess there was nothing he could say that wouldn’t be a lie. He had decided for both of us.

“This…” I started again. “This is not how things work, how relationships work. If you have second thoughts, I need to know. If you need something I’m not giving you, I need to know. If you believe that we’re fucking falling apart,” I finally barked, unable to keep the anger from my voice, “I. Need. To. Know.”

Jamie nodded, but I was far from finished. “What we’re trying to do is bloody hard. We need to talk, and talking includes the unpleasant discussions too. I’m not going to try again without knowing that you’ll do that.”

“I give ye my word, Claire. We will make this work. I will do anything I can to make sure it does.”

“Will you talk to me? Always?” There was no ice or blaze in my voice now. Just a question. A sincere question that demanded an honest answer.

“Always,” Jamie vowed and leaned into me. “I will not give up on us, ever again,” he whispered on my lips, and I drank the words in.

I had trusted him with my heart before and he broke it. But he was right when he said that I knew him. And I knew he’d torn his own heart apart in the process too. I could still see the pain in the way his sweater hung a little too wide on him, in the black bags underneath his blue eyes. I looked into his eyes, those eyes I knew better than my own, and saw the truth in them.

“One chance, Jamie Fraser. You won’t get another.”

“I willna need another. Ye’re mine and I’m yers, and I will never let you go again.”

“Promise?” I asked, as if that would seal the deal. As if his promise would secure my happiness.

“Promise,” Jamie nodded emphatically, his eyes overflowing with tears that split when he closed them and kissed me again.

And this time, I kissed him back. It was long, and soft, and encompassing. It was an offering of his soul, and I took it, keeping it safe inside my chest. A treasure and a hostage.

“Plus,” Jamie said once we stopped to catch our breath. “I offer you a chance to torture me forever for making the worst mistake of my life.”

I laughed, cupped his cheeks and kissed him again.

I closed my eyes. Life was nothing but chances and choices. Decisions. Paths waiting for us to take them. A huge aisle with chocolate bars.

I looked towards the path in front of me and I saw Jamie and me together -- arguing, fighting, kissing, laughing. I saw a man who wasn’t flawless, but was mine. I saw a future that wasn’t perfect, but was real.

I saw happy moments and sad ones. I saw difficulties and dreams coming true. I saw us facing life with our hands clasped tightly together.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw a risk, but a risk worth taking.

“Challenge accepted, Jamie Fraser.”

And just like that, the next chapter of our lives began.

#thermodynamics #the first law of thermodynamics #jamie x claire #high school AU #college AU #outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction #last chapter!#I can't believe it!

369 notes · View notes

xialing-gf · 5 years ago

Text

goodbye

summary: you do all 16 things you should do after a break up in hopes of moving on from MJ

(Week 7 of my 30 week prompt challenge: breaking up)

Wc: 2148

a/n: this is based off the poem “to do list (after the breakup)” by rupi kaur, from her book “milk and honey”

read on ao3!

1. take refuge in your bed

The pro of being dumped right before spring break was that you had the entire spring break to get over being broken up with. The con of being dumped right before spring break was that you had the entirety of spring break to think about MJ and the breakup.

Lying in your bed, memories of MJ replaying through your head. You were curled up underneath a few layers of blankets, seeking refuge from the chilly New York spring that seemed to still feel like winter. This was your first break up ever and there were certain things you should do, according to your experienced friends.

They told you that laying in bed for hours on end and feeling emotions was totally normal. So, instead of doing the generous amount of homework teachers assigned, you were bundled up in your blankets, wallowing in pity, which was supposed to be a good thing. The only reasons you got up was to get water and food (mainly ice cream) or to use the bathroom.

Your parents knew that MJ broke up with you and didn’t pressure you to get out of bed or to do work; they understood that you were mourning a loss and gave you plenty of space. Unlike how one could get tired from sitting in a chair for long periods of time, one could never get tired of lying in bed. While lying in bed, you had tried to watch funny clips from talk shows and adorable videos of animals that would make you smile until your cheeks hurt, but they only temporarily distracted you from the pain.

Most of the time, you just stared at your colorful bedroom walls or mindlessly browsed through photos of you and MJ in your camera roll that you couldn’t bring yourself to delete. You knew you would have to move on eventually but right now, you decided to indulge in the sharp pain of the shards of a failed love.

2. cry. till the tears stop (this will take a few days)

In addition to lying in bed for hours on end, thinking about MJ, you also coped with your emotions by crying. Crying is generally a healthy way to cope with emotions but you had cried so much in the past few days that you were starting to get worried about your own health.

Through the multiple days of crying and lying in your bed, you discovered there were different types of crying. The first type was crying after an event just happened, the pain still fresh in your heart. It was an intense cry, tears punctuated by small hiccups as you tried to breathe through the nonstop sobs climbing up your throat. The second type was crying a few hours later, remembering that you had just been separated from the love of your life. The third type of crying was the crying that occurred through the last couple of days of spring break; the type where you would cry into your pillow or tissues during random periods of time, a different type of grief mixed with withdrawal ejected into your tears.

Finally, the crying stopped and the rivers in your eyes were controlled.

3. don’t listen to slow songs

Once school started again, you decided that you shouldn’t continue moping or else people would pester you with more questions about you and MJ. You had already gotten quite a few questions and it took all your willpower not to start crying when you answered their prodding questions.

In order to deal with all the curious people, you decided that you should try to improve your mood and that staying positive would help you deal with your emotions. So, you scrapped the playlist that you made for crying sessions that mainly had slow, sad songs and made an entirely new playlist titled with a simple smiley face.

In that playlist, you included songs that were made to boost one’s mood, such as “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen, and played the playlist whenever you could, usually between classes or when you were walking home.

The fast, upbeat songs did help improve your moods a few times but most of the time, it was just a temporary band-aid to help soothe the pain of breaking away from MJ.

4. delete their number from your phone even though it is memorized on your fingertips

If you had a dollar every time you picked up your phone wanting to call MJ, you would be richer than any president in the world. Fortunately, you had a lot of self-control and even though you would go to her contact and hover your finger above the “call” button, you would never press down.

During spring break, you noted the absence of MJ, even more, when you instinctively began texting her about your feelings, something you always did when you two were dating, but you always deleted your messages before sending them. So many messages were the same phrases repeated over and over again and you wanted nothing more but to let her see all the pain you were experiencing.

You knew that you were bound to accidentally call her or send a composed text so you deleted her number from your phone, even though it was etched into the walls of your heart and probably would never be forgotten.

5. don’t look at old photos

Technically, you had already broken the rule of “don’t look at old photos” during spring break but starting from now, you promised that you wouldn’t look at old photos, no matter how hard it would be. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t delete them but wait until you were ready to look at them and not feel pain upon seeing the smile of MJ’s face.

The hardest part was changing your phone’s wallpaper so it was no longer a picture of you and MJ smiling while hugging each other in front of a beautiful water fountain. Now, your wallpaper was simply a photo of the vast blue sea, filled with the uncertainty of waves and darkness.

6. find the closest ice cream shop and treat yourself to two scoops of mint chocolate chip, the min will calm your heart. you deserve the chocolate

Even though a dark cloud seemed to envelop you ever since the breakup, things were starting to get better and you felt ready to let go. You were proud of yourself for slowly getting better, even if it took longer than you expected.

This led to you deciding to treat yourself with a scoop of ice cream at your favorite ice cream shop. After school on Friday, you stopped by the ice cream shop and ordered a scoop of mint chocolate chip, your favorite flavor. You were in no rush to get home so once you got your scoop, you ate your ice cream as you watched people walk past the shop.

The sun was starting to peek out of the clouds and for the first time since MJ left you, you couldn’t help but smile.

7. buy new bed sheets

You couldn’t look at your bed sheets anymore. Every time you saw them, you were reminded of her or reminded of lying in bed after crying about her. You had these bed sheets for almost three years and while they did have some sentimental value, you wanted to get new ones. Luckily, your mother understood and you bought new bedsheets online.

They arrived within a few days and after laying them out on your bed, you felt as though you could finally get a fresh start.

8. collect all the gifts, t-shirts, and everything with their smell on it and drop it off at a donation center

When people say they did some spring cleaning, you highly doubted that their definition of spring cleaning was the same as yours. On a weekend, you finally gathered up the nerve to collect all the items MJ gave to you as gifts and anything else that had her scent on it and put it in a box labeled “Donation”. It would be a shame to see all those items thrown away so you decided to donate them all to the local Goodwill.

As you handed the box over to the person who was working at the store, she asked if these items were all yours and instead of giving a complete answer, you simply managed a smile and vaguely answered, “They don’t belong to me now.”

9. plan a trip

Getting out of New York to clear your head was another great idea suggested by your friends. They all saw that you were getting better and didn’t need to listen to your forcefully upbeat playlist to be happy so they planned a trip to Hawaii with you.

That trip was one of the best vacations of your life. It was a long weekend as teachers had some sort of events that resulted in the cancellation of three days of school after a weekend and during those five free days, you were in Hawaii with your friends, having a great time without MJ by your side.

10. perfect the art of smiling and nodding when someone brings their name up in conversation

Those two letters next to each other in any conversation was always devastating. Even though you believed you were finally over MJ, anytime somebody brought her name up, you would involuntarily tense up and unintentionally inject stiffness into your words. But, after countless conversations where her name was brought up, you finally mastered the art of smiling and holding back any pain that threatened to spill out from between your lips.

11. start a new project

The paintbrush no longer felt familiar to your fingers. At one point, you had painted whenever you could and that stopped once you reached high school. MJ did see a few of your paintings and asked a few times about it but you never fully explained why you loved painting so much. There wasn’t an exact reason you painted; perhaps it was a way for you to express yourself or maybe you just enjoyed the feeling of the brush gently dragging down a blank canvas. Either way, painting was one of your favorite hobbies and you decided to pick it up again.

Standing in front of a blank canvas propped up on your table surrounded by countless colors, you dipped your paintbrush in red and filled the empty canvas with colors.

12. whatever you do, do not call

You entertained the possibility of calling MJ again. You were in a good place and maybe you could finally talk to her without breaking down into tears. Your fingers hovered over her numbers and you gritted your teeth as you looked up at the ceiling, trying to gauge whether this was a good idea or not.

Logically, calling her would only bring you down to the place you were right after you two broke up but there was still a flicker of hope in you that maybe talking to her would help you move on. Your logical side won and you turned off your phone, setting it aside as the air you trapped in your lungs finally escaped.

13. do not beg for what does not want to stay

Begging for forgiveness was always seen as losing but if it meant you could get MJ back, you were willing to concede. However, you were held back by your friends, who helped you calm down and delete the message you were about to send to MJ, asking for her forgiveness. They were right to do so as you needed to move on and there was no fixing what was broken.

14. stop crying at some point

The rivers were back again and stronger than ever. Just when you thought you had gotten over her, something broke inside you again and tears began pouring out of your eyes as you clutched your pillow, willing for every emotion in you to just stop.

Pain was prodding at your stitched up heart, threating to slice it open again and when you opened your eyes after the last of sobs left your chest, shadows were crawling on your ceiling.

15. allow yourself to feel foolish for believing you could’ve built the rest of your life in someone else’s stomach

You still couldn’t believe that you allowed yourself to hope that you and MJ could have a future together. Whenever you were with her, you always imagined that you would be able to hold her hand ten years from now and that you two would be cuddling in an apartment, content as you could be. Reality slammed that fantasy down but looking back, love had made you foolish enough to believe that everything could work out.

16. Breathe

You take a deep breath in and a deep breath out and finally let go. Freedom.

check out my marvel page for more marvel fics! i also have an mj x reader masterlist!

Taglist: @dutchiewhotriestowrite @just-your-local-history-nerd @chickenstrips45

(Comment if you want to be tagged in my marvel fics!)

82 notes · View notes

shipping-receiving · 5 years ago

Text

Fictober 2019 Day 30: “I’m with you, you know that.”

Rating: T | Word Count: 2714 Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire / Game of Thrones Relationship: Jaime Lannister / Brienne of Tarth Tags: Alternate Universe – Office Notes: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8

(read on AO3)

//////

Back in the day—back in the days before Brienne—Jaime didn’t care very much if he had to work long hours. Or, perhaps it’s more accurate to say that however much he cared was irrelevant. There was always work to be done, regardless. Lannister Corp above all else—that is what Tywin Lannister always expected of his three children. Their immense wealth, their status, their privilege, that had all been handed to them. But they have always been expected to work. To excel at it.

In King’s Landing, it hadn’t been rare for Jaime to find himself in the office till eleven at night, or twelve, or one. He’d be there until whatever needed to get done got done, even while the letters on the page or screen swam and flipped before his eyes, more vigorously by the second. He’d spend evenings entertaining clients, weekends attending some event or conference or gala on behalf of the company. His holidays—well, if he went on vacation with his family, that was work enough in itself, even if it was just with Cersei, or with Tyrion. And that was besides the fact that the first thing he did in the morning, and the last thing he did at night, was reply to his work emails.

For all of the Lannisters—Tywin and his children, even his siblings and their children—this was just their way of life. Lannister Corp above all else.

There’s less to do in the Stormlands now—definitely less of the socialising, at least—but Jaime still does his work, and does it well. It’s what has always been expected of him, as a Lannister, even if he’s a Lannister who’s displaced himself from King’s Landing. In fact, he almost feels compelled to work even harder now, and with more focus, as if to prove that he didn’t come here to the Stormlands to work less. He doesn’t want control of the company, doesn’t want the power or responsibility that comes with it. But he’s not making that decision out of laziness or incompetence. If he works, then he is still good. He is still worth something. It’s the only way he’s known how to be worth something, in the eyes of his family.

So the first night he had made Brienne wait for him, Jaime didn’t think it would gnaw at him that much. He’s so used to it, the constant work. When he left the office, it wasn’t even that late, only eight-thirty—alright, eight forty-five by the time he and Brienne sat down to dinner at his apartment. Still, Brienne herself must work later than that some days. She understands what it’s like, working for a company like Lannister Corp. What it’s like to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner at your office desk.

But for the next two days, Jaime couldn’t stop thinking about it—how Brienne had waited for him for almost three hours. He couldn’t stop thinking about how it was three hours he could have spent with her, even if it would have been in a cinema in the middle of nowhere, with both of them wearing trench coats and wigs and oversized glasses to avoid being recognised. And that was just one evening, not even three hours past the time she usually leaves work. How about those days he wants to see her—which is every single day—then finds he has to work till eleven at night, or twelve, or one? What happens then?

As far as Jaime was concerned, there was only one solution. Not to stop working, no, he couldn’t possibly do that. He’d simply have to work somewhere where he could still spend time with Brienne—even if it was a matter of just being beside her, while he worked. And it couldn’t be in the office, especially not before that two-month mark. In the office, there was never any logical reason for them to be in the same room.

(Well, there would be if people knew they were dating. But they don’t. They’re not supposed to for a few more weeks, at least.)

And so, Jaime began taking his work home. He always leaves the office at six now, except maybe on Mondays, when Brienne goes to the gym on her own. Brienne would spend the evening at his, at least until she needed to catch the train home, although she did hesitantly ask if she could leave a change of clothes at his apartment, just in case she ever had to stay over on a work night. (The answer was ‘yes’, of course.) For dinner, they’d get food delivered, or she would cook, or he would, if he needed a break and could afford one. Brienne often had work to do, too, and she’d sit opposite him at the dining table, her laptop across from his. In their silent concentration, the tapping of fingers on keyboards became its own form of dialogue.

This was the solution Jaime had settled on for now. If he had to be honest, though, it could get distracting, having her right there. Jaime found something quite mesmerising about Brienne looking all serious, although she had laughed in disbelief when he told her so. But it’s also kind of nice—not just that she looks serious when she’s working, but that she takes her work seriously, in a way that feels qualitatively different from him, different from his family. Brienne doesn’t do it for power or recognition; she doesn’t do it because it’s Lannister Corp above all else. She was simply hired to do a job, and so she does it as well as she possibly can, which also happened to be better than is expected of her.

Naturally, they’d taken to discussing their work with each other, though Jaime often has to speak in vague terms or hypotheticals, tied up as his work usually is in some yet-to-be-made decision or other. Brienne asks him for his opinion on her own projects too, even argues with him about the best course of action. To her, the ‘best course of action’ is often the most ethical approach—whatever would benefit more people, and benefit them in the right way; or conversely, whatever hurt less for the least number of people. Jaime laughed at first—she is working for the largest, most profit-driven corporation in Westeros, and she wants to be ethical, of all things? But Brienne always tries, anyway, even though she is far from being in a position high enough to really have much of an influence. She just has this—this boundless urge to at least try to do the right thing.

(Jaime doesn’t think Brienne belongs in Lannister Corp, not forever. But for now, this is where she is, and where she’s planning to stay for at least a couple more years. He wouldn’t have met her otherwise, and he’s so very glad for it.)

They’re spending one of these evenings together now, two laptops at his dining table, empty takeout boxes stacked in the corner. He’s almost done—just looking over his notes for a breakfast meeting one final time—when he hears Brienne call his name.

“Jaime.”

“Hmm?” he replies, without looking up.

There’s a few seconds of silence, then— “Nothing.”

He lifts his head to see her staring at her own laptop intently. “Are you sure?”

“It’s fine. I’m just—” She meets his eyes for a second, then turns back to her laptop. “Never mind. Go back to work.”

“I’m pretty much done.” Jaime leans back in his chair and folds his arms. “And it’s not nothing if you keep starting sentences without finishing them.”

“Okay then,” Brienne sighs, and closes her laptop. “We’re… together, right?”

Jaime feels his lips curling into a smile. “In the same plane of existence?” he says, offhandedly. “I would say so, or this is a very realistic dream.”

Brienne rolls her eyes, nudges his leg under the table with her foot. “You know what I mean. We’re together… exclusively. Right?”

“Yes, I believe we are. Unless you’ve been seeing other people.” He doesn’t actually think that she’s been doing that, but since they’re on the topic, he might as well check.

“Oh, like I have options,” Brienne snorts.

Well, that wasn’t the response he expected. “So you would see other people if you had options?”

She looks at him, eyes wide in alarm. “No! I didn’t mean to—would you?”

“No!” He nudges her leg with his foot now. “I’m with you, you know that.”

“I know. And I’m with you.” Brienne stands up out of her chair and grabs the takeout boxes. “Okay then. Just checking.” She walks towards his kitchen.

“That’s it?” he asks, from the dining table.

“That’s it,” she replies, and throws the boxes in the bin. “Just thought I’d check.”

Jaime leans forward, puts one elbow on the table so he can prop his chin up. “Huh.”

She looks over at him. “What?”

“You usually…” Jaime waves his hand in the air. “You know. Get in your own head about these things.”

“I do,” Brienne replies, and immediately turns to the sink to wash her hands.

He feels a smile coming on again, thinks of all the times over the past few days that he’s caught her looking at him oddly. Once she shuts off the tap, he says: “You’ve been trying to ask me that all week, haven’t you?”

She heaves a sigh, and leans against the counter. “I might have.”

“You thought I wouldn’t say yes?”

“No—it’s not that. I just felt like it was almost—unfair for me to ask. Since I was the one who wanted to keep this quiet.”

Jaime shrugs. “I agreed to the two months. It hasn’t been so bad.” Just three-and-a-half weeks left, if they’re counting from their first date.

“Still.” Brienne walks back over to him. “I know… you’d rather not.”

“Well.” He would rather not, but there’s really not much more to say on the subject. He closes his own laptop and smiles up at her. “At least now I have confirmed my suspicions that I’m indeed in a monogamous relationship with Brienne Tarth.”

She giggles, a lovely sound. “I had similar suspicions about you, Jaime Lannister.” She comes to stand behind his chair and slips her hands over his shoulders, kneads her fingers into the knots there.

“And I suppose my brother did tell me that clarity is key,” Jaime muses.

Brienne’s fingers pause. “Your brother knows about us?”

Oh, right. Jaime never got around to telling her about Tyrion’s visit. “I may have—remember that Saturday that I said I was with a client? Before our first date?”

“… Oh.”

“Yeah.” He tilts his head back to find her gazing down at him. “My father sent him to convince me to return to King’s Landing, not that Tyrion bothered with that.” He leans his head back, so that the top of it touches her stomach. “Anyway, I might have told him that there was a reason why I wanted to stay here. In the Stormlands, specifically. He gave me some good advice.” Aside from the part about eloping, obviously.

Brienne looks utterly bewildered. “I’m the reason you want to stay?”

Jaime laughs. “If you haven’t noticed, Brienne, we’ve been spending basically all our time together for the past month. You’ve been a very effective incentive, I would say.”

She removes her hands from his shoulders and sits herself in the chair beside him. “We’ve seen each other a lot, haven’t we?” she says, thoughtfully. “Marg says it’s a lot.”

“Is it?” He reaches over to grasp one of her hands. “Aren’t we just… spending time with each other because we want to?”

“I suppose. I’ve never—experienced this before. I don’t know what’s normal.”

“Me neither,” Jaime replies, without even thinking.

Brienne whips her head towards him. “What do you mean, me neither? Haven’t you dated before?”

“I… have. I just—I haven’t dated in the normal way.” Oh gods, here we go. “My sister… she’d arrange for me to—to date women she thought were appropriate. I guess it started back when we were still in school. She’d say, Jaime, wouldn’t you look good with so-and-so? And she’d set it up, and I’d say yes because… I don’t know why. Because I believed her, or wanted to please her. It was almost like—I felt like I had to be on the same page as her. And then it just kept happening—not that there were a lot of women. But each time it happened, I’d go through the motions, break it off eventually, sooner rather than later. I don’t even know if you could call any of them relationships, really.”

Jaime wills himself to look into Brienne’s eyes, steels himself for her judgment, finds nothing there but kindness. “I suppose… I fell into a pattern. And I didn’t know how to break out of that pattern.” He holds up their hands, just a little, nudges them towards Brienne. “Never met anyone that made me want to do that.”

Brienne gives him a smile; something quiet, nervous. “That’s… good to know.” Jaime feels her grip his hand a little tighter. “Will you tell me more about them?” she asks. “Your family?”

“I will. Eventually.” He’s given her bits and pieces over the past few weeks, but there’s always this lump in his throat that prevents him from telling her anything quite so substantial. “Not now. Is that okay?”

“That’s okay.”

They sit there in silence for a few more breaths. Then, Brienne says: “Speaking of—of patterns. I’ve been thinking about that. About us.”

Jaime shifts his chair a little towards her. “What about us?”

“I mean… When you stayed over the first time, I offered you the couch. Then I stayed over here, and I slept on the couch. And the other times since—that’s what we’ve done.” She clasps her free hand around his wrist. “I’m just wondering—we see each other so often—maybe we should… break the pattern.”

“Oh—”

“I’m not—I’m still not ready for—”

“I know.”

“But—I don’t want you to think I’d want to keep things this way, or anything like that. I just need to—work up to it. And I’d be… I’m okay with not doing the couch thing anymore.”

Jaime tries his best to stay calm. “Alright. Good.” Really good. “Will you—not do the couch thing tonight?”

Brienne reddens. “… I could.”

Jaime stands up then, a bit too abruptly, and he sees Brienne jerk back a little. “Well. I think you’ll find that my bed is very large and very comfortable.” He motions their hands towards the direction of his bedroom. “I’m sure it’d be very happy to accommodate us both.”

“Jaime,” she laughs, still seated in her chair, “it’s barely nine. We can’t go to bed now.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think my body remembers how to fall asleep before eleven.”

“I didn’t say we had to sleep.”

Jaime sees Brienne stiffen at that, and he thinks that he’ll need to ask her to tell him more about her past too. “I don’t mean—not that,” he scrambles. “We can… talk. Or, you know. The stuff we’ve already done.”

Stuff. It’s a juvenile word, and he can imagine Tyrion giving him a look. But he supposes what they’ve done so far has been—innocent, in relative terms. Just kissing. And touching. And looking. It’s chaste, compared to—but it’s also not. Not in the way his lips travel down her neck, the way her hands slip beneath his shirt, the way their exhalations mingle. It’s all he can think of right now, all he wants to do for the rest of the evening. Especially if they finally get to do all that in his bed, and then stay there after.

Especially if he gets to wake up beside Brienne in the morning, and do that stuff all over again.

So Jaime tugs on her hand again, in the direction of the bedroom. Brienne stands slowly, and he searches her face, her body for any sign of reluctance. She’s tentative, but no, he doesn’t think it’s reluctance. At most, it’s an anticipation that she’s taught herself to suppress. She does that thing she likes—wraps her hand around his forearm—which is always a good sign, from what he’s gathered.

Then, for the first time in four-and-a-half weeks, Brienne follows him to bed.

#fictober19 #jaime x brienne #braime #my fic #i never knew home until i found your hands #yes i'm aware it's the second of november and not the thirtieth of october.

38 notes · View notes

bullet-proofgirlscouts · 7 years ago

Text

JiminXReader - In One Week, Part - 7

Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4; Part 5; Part 6;

FRIDAY

Jimin stared wide eyed as his partner swore, cursing them.

“We’re screwed!” she yelled, frantic, “We haven’t finished and our submission is today!”

“Hey-”

“We have till midnight and we’re only half way through! This is 30% of our grade!”

“You know we-”

“We wasted so much time! We’re fu-”

“Hey!” Jimin yelled, interrupting her mid curse. They were currently standing by the entrance of the library. They thankfully didn't have any classes today so they could spend it all working.

Jimin grabbed her shoulders tightly, making her face him. “We have the whole day.” he said, “We can do this.” She stayed silent for a second, before nodding, “We can do this.” she repeated, a fire burning behind her eyes.

Grinning, Jimin brought his hand down from her shoulder and immediately grabbed her hand, dragging her out of the university. “Where are we going?” she asked as she followed him, her fingers tightening around his palm. “Anywhere we want.” Jimin said, knowing that if they cooped themselves up in one place they would slowly go crazy, “How about a desert bar?”

~~~

Jimin tried not to laugh as he followed his friend, the wind breezing through his hair as they sprinted across the pathway. They were running towards their college at six in the evening. The sky was starting to turn dark, with large clouds covering it. People stared at them as they ran, but Jimin didn't care. This was way too fun.

They finally reached their university, Jimin took a second to be impressed by how fast she was, sprinting in, taking two steps at a time. Bursting through the doors, she sprinted towards the library, where the printers were. Jimin followed her but stopped outside the door, watching as she ran inside, not stopping. He grinned as he panted heavily, placing his hands on his knees as he bent over to catch his breath. Not more than two minutes passed before she ran out, sheets of paper in hand. She glanced at Jimin for a second before taking off again, this time towards the teachers room. Jimin ran after her, his laughter resonating through the empty halls.

They reached the room, both of them walking in. The teacher was sitting at his cubicle, raising an eyebrow at their disheveled appearance but didn't care enough to ask. He reached his hand out and took the stapled portfolio, thanking them for their submission before dismissing them. They walked out, closing the door behind them. They stared at each other for a few seconds before they started cheering:

“We did it!”

“Hell yeah!”

Jimin pulled her in as they hugged each other tightly. Her arms wrapped around his neck as his went around her waist as they embraced, bouncing lightly on their feet. Breaking apart, the two of them high fived, the crack of their hands colliding echoing throughout the college halls. They ignored the stares people were giving them, they were just too excited about the fact that they finished the assignment.

She let out a loud sigh as they started to walk, towards the doors of the building, wanting to leave. “I can't believe we actually finished it.” she said. “All thanks to you.” Jimin said, ruffing her hair affectionately. “Oh please,” she said, bringing her hand up to mess his hair as well, “the only reason we completed it was because of you.” “But you-” “Lets just,” she said, cutting him off from complimenting her, “agree that both of us did great work?” Jimin stayed silent for a second before nodding, smiling, “We did do great work.” She grinned back, “Hey, I have to return some books back to the library.”

“Oh, let me join you. But, I need to go to the bathroom first.” “Sure,” she said, walking straight while Jimin changed direction to go to the mens room, “See you there.”

Jimin didn't take long, washing his hands, he walked out of the bathroom, about to make his way to the library before someone stopped him. “Jimin!” Jihyo said, wrapping her arms around his own, clinging to his side like she always used to do. “Hey,” Jimin said, with a smile, “Long time no see.” “I know!” she said, stretching out the last word, “I really miss you, we all do.” “Yeah, sorry about that,” Jimin said, missing the frown on Jihyo’s face at his response, “I’ve been really busy.”

“With your literature assignment right?” “Mmhmm.” “Well, you submitted it didn't you? So come hang out with me!” she slightly pulled on his arm. “Oh, uh…” Jimin hesitated, looking down the hall where the library was, “I kind of have other plans. Sorry.” Jihyo frowned, a dark expression crossing her eyes, she followed his line of sight and saw what he was looking at, knowing who exactly he had plans with. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, raising her chin high and standing tall. “You’re still hanging out with her? Your project is over.”

“Yes, but I’m not going to stop just because the assignment is complete.” Jihyo’s frown deepened, untangling herself from his arm, before she said: “So…Where is your girlfriend?” Jimin raised an eyebrow, “Girlfriend?” She shrugged, “Yeah, you know. The girl you’re having plans with? Gotten close with? The nerd?” She made air quote signs as she spoke. “Oh,” Jimin said, letting out a small chuckle, “She’s...not my girlfriend.” he said, hesitantly, ignoring the slight pang in his heart. “Really?” Jihyo exclaimed, “She hasn't asked you out yet?” “Uhhh…” Jimin said, confused, “Why would she?” “Oh Jimin, don't tell me you haven't noticed?” “Noticed what?”

“That girl is totally in love with you, it's pretty obvious.” “What?” Jimin asked, “She is not in love with me.” “Of course she is! She has been for a very long time.” Jihyo said, “I caught her talking about it with a friend of hers several months ago. Although, people would have figured it out, she can’t hide it very well. I thought that maybe, since the two of you have become such good friends, she might have finally asked you out by now. Don’t you like her too?” “Of course i do!” Jimin said, “but just...not like that…” He furrowed his brows, confused. She had a crush on him? She was in love with him? Sure, he had seen how flustered she would get when they were together, but he just brushed it off, it wasn’t the first time women were blushing around him.

He remembered how much she would stutter and fumble her words around him. Back then, he thought it was just because she had trouble meeting and getting along with new people, but, as he recalled, she had no issue immediately hitting it off with Hoseok and Jungkook. Even at the party they went to, she saw how well she actually got along with other people. It was just him that she had difficulty talking to before she became comfortable around him.

Was she...really in love with him?

“Oh no,” Jihyo said, noting the change in his aura, “Did i say something i shouldn't have?” he swore he heard a hint of sarcasm within her words but he dismissed it, focusing on the new information he got.

“Here she comes!” Jihyo said, looking over his shoulder. Jimin turned around, and sure enough, she was walking towards him with purpose, phone in hand. “Hey, Jimin, Grandpa wants me to come home so I was wondering if you want me to drop you to your place on the way-” suddenly, she stopped talking, her expression turned into a frown when she saw that Jihyo was with him. Jihyo waved, a smile on her face before whispering to him, “Better break it off with her Jimin, as soon as you can, wouldn't want you leading her on and hurting her even more, right?” Jimin simply shot her a glare, annoyed.

With a smile, she simply turned on her heels and walked away, waving goodbye.

~~~

Jimin refused to allow her to walk home alone. Even though they passed by his place first, he ignored her protest and walked with her until they were in front of her house.

“Thanks.” she said, giving him a smile, “Grandpa’s going to like you even more now.”

Jimin chuckled at that, blushing a bit at the compliment. Was it weird that he was incredibly happy that her Grandpa liked him? A kind, lovable, funny guy liked him? He could feel his self esteem being boosted up.

“Want to come in?” she offered, but Jimin declined.

“I need to catch up on my sleep.” he said, sighing at the idea of a long night's rest. The assignment alongside his dance practice was exhausting him.

“Alright then,” she said, nodding, “I’ll see you later! Thanks for dropping me home!” she started walking towards her house, taking a few steps before Jimin stopped her, asking her to wait.

She looked back at him, confused, “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jimin replied, his heart racing. What exactly was he doing? To confirm whether what Jihyo told him was true? And if it was, to tell her to stop? Did he want her to stop? Maybe this wasn't the best time to bring it up considering his own opinions were so muddled. He liked her, he really did, but he wasn’t heartless. He admits that she’s cute and pretty and that he finds her personality so enticing and adorable and on more than one occasion she made his heart flutter. But he was in love with someone else and he didn’t want to lead her on. His mouth started to move faster than his brain, and before he knew it:

“So…” Jimin said, feeling a bit awkward. “I heard that you…have a crush on me.”

She visibly stiffened, her eyes grew wide as her cheeks turned pink. So, it’s true.

A few seconds passed before she spoke up, “How did you…?”

Jimin gave her a smile, “...Word gets around. It is possible everyone knows.”

“Oh god.” She groaned out, bending her head, clenching the straps of her bag tightly. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, “this is so embarrassing.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for. I’m flattered honestly.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

“…Then why do I feel like you’re avoiding answering the main question?”

Jimin sighed, this wasn’t going to be easy.

“I like you,” Jimin said, “I really do…”

“But?” she continued. And it broke Jimin’s heart that she had already accepted that he was going to reject her.

“But…I’m in love with someone else.” He said firmly. “I’m sorry.”

She chuckled a bit, “You don’t have to apologize. I’m just glad you know honestly. Don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t like you were good at it anyway.”

She scoffed, pretending to be offended, “How dare you! My acting skills are on par.”

Jimin raised an eyebrow, “Oh really? ‘i…um…really enjoy reading a lot of books and stuff…yeah’” he mocked her, raising the pitch of his voice.

She blushed again, biting her lip to stop from laughing, her shoulders shaking and Jimin melted at the sight.

He liked her. Maybe even as a crush. But his love for the creator was a lot stronger than his love for her. It was just something they had to live with.

“So.” She said, “Who is the person I lost to?”

“Hmm?” Jimin asked, breaking out of his thought.

“Who,” she asked again, “Is this person who’s won your heart?” she grinned at the cheesiness of that line.

Jimin realized what she meant. “Oh.” He said, “Actually, it’s a little embarrassing.”

She grinned wider, “Perfect. Then we can both be embarrassed together. Go on.”

Jimin looked at her, about to refuse, but saw her making this adorable puppy-like expression towards him and his resolve crumbled away.

Sighing, he stood up straighter, looking her in the eye. “Promise me you won’t laugh?”

She nodded.

“…There is this podcast that I listen to,that I have been listening to for a long time. It’s helped me through many difficult times in my life. And, without realizing it, I’ve gradually…fallen in love.”

“I guess you could say I’ve fallen in love with this person’s mind. I want to know what kind of person could make up a story and characters as complex and as amazing as they are…Some of the episodes she’s put out are just so beautiful and thoughtful. She’s made me feel so many emotions by just her voice and stories.”

“She?”

“Yeah!” Jimin said excitedly, but then toned it down, “She revealed a bit about herself recently. Said that she was born in 1995 and currently lives in Korea!”

“Really?” he heard her ask, a hint of surprise in her voice.

“I know, what are the odds right? But South Korea is such a gigantic place, sometimes it feels a bit hopeless.” he paused before continuing, “I know it’s weird, trust me I’ve heard countless number of times. But I can’t help it, you know? I admire her so much. Plus, there’s just something in my gut that just tells me that i’m going to meet her one day, and that she’s as amazing as i think her to be.”

He looked over at the girl in front of him, expecting her to burst into laughter or call him an idiot.

But she wasn’t laughing.

There wasn’t a hint of laughter on her face. Instead she looked more serious than he’d ever seen her be before.

“What…what’s the name of the podcast?” she asked.

Jimin replied, “It’s called ‘Makes us Human’”

~~~

#bts #in one week #part 7 #park jimin #BTS jimin #bts fanfic #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts fanfction #reader #jimin x reader #jimin x you #college au #au #podcast au #incoming angst #watch out

66 notes · View notes

sweetimagines · 7 years ago

Text

Heatwave - Part 1

Part 1 | Part 2

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Reader

Description: A summer night they won’t forget.

Prompt: 6. “You woke me up at 2 am for this?” + 30. “This was a terrible plan” “This was your plan” Category: Comedy

Warnings: Swearing.

Word count: 1410

A/N: For my twin’s @southsidejuggie writing challenge. I know it’s winter for most of you guys but it’s summer here, so bear with me.

Tag: @ju-gg @lostnliterature

It’s an insufferable summer in Riverdale. Serpents hang out at the Whyte Wyrm to take advantage of the AC, but other Southsiders had the same idea, overcrowding the place. At this point, the air conditioner isn't doing anything to cool down the bar and even the beer is warm because the fridge is losing power. Meanwhile, Northsiders are siting comfortably in their icy homes drinking lemonade.

To Y/N, it seems as if it’s specially roasty at Sunnyside Trailer Park. She’s lying in bed, half naked, ceiling fan on, trying her best to fall asleep, but having the bed sheet soaking wet by her sweat isn't exactly helping. Somehow she manages to close her tired eyes and dream of an ice cold pool. Unfortunately, she doesn't get to stay in the water for much longer as there’s someone relentlessly knocking at her door.

She checks the time on her phone (2.15 am) and gets out of bed. There’s only one person that would be there at this hour and he will not stop knocking until she gets it. Y/N slips on an Y/F/C, Harley-Davidson over-sized T-shirt with the arms cut out till the waist line before opening the door. “What took you so long?”, Sweet Pea asks and steps in. The girl just rolls her eyes and gets them two bottles form the fridge. The content is not as cold as they wish but the cooling sensation is still appreciated.

Y/N hops on the counter as Sweets drops himself on the couch. “What brings you here on this hellish night?” She expected him to be at the Wyrm with the other Serpents. “I’m boiling from the inside out.” Ironically, still wearing a leather jacket. He takes a sip from the refreshing drink. “Disadvantage of being a serpent.” She laughs before swallowing the bubbly liquid. He looks at her with a deeply confused expression. Y/N takes a moment to appreciate how adorable he looks before replying. “Snakes are cold blooded. They absorve the temperature of its soundings.” He chuckles, relating to her explanation.

“I've got a plan to fix that.” Sweet Pea looks devilish. “If you say we should take our clothes off and have a cold shower I WILL punch you!” A part of her still wishing he would. “Chill.” He raises his palms in defense. “I was actually gonna say you have to get dressed for it.” SP points at her exposed skin. Y/N pulls the hem of her shirt down awkwardly. He can see her face glowing red so he has to bite the insides of his cheeks to prevent a smile. Y/N walks out to change and Sweet Pea paces in the kitchen. Half impatient to get going, half trying to stop himself from peeking into her room.

Sweet Pea parks his beloved 1991 Harley-Davidson FXSTC in the gas station in front of Southside High. Last place Y/N thought they were heading to. “Now I understand your plan. You’re gonna make it snow.” She takes off her helmet. “What?” He kicks the stand down and waits for more context. “You coming to school willingly. It’s bound to mess with the weather.”, Y/N jokes. “HA-HA!” He turns off the bike and secures the key inside his jacket’s inside pocket.

“How do you plan on getting in?” She asks as they jump the fence to the football field. “I was hoping you’d know how to bobby pin the shit out of those locks.” He hands her the metal accessory. “Do I wanna know why you have a bobby pin in your possession?” Y/N doesn't mean to sound jealous, but something inside her was stronger than her as she works her way into the key hole. “Toni crashed with me last night, so there’s bobby pins all over my sink.” He hopes that she doesn't think he and Toni have a thing. “Voilà.” Y/N finds the strength to push envy out of her mind, after all she and Sweets are just ‘friends’. The locker room door swings open and they both walk in. “Lead the way.”

They stop when they reach the Chemistry Lab. “A nerd kid built a portable AC. He’s off to college now and it just sits in the cabinet.”, Sweets explains the whole reason they are there, while twisting the knob a certain way to get it open without the key. “So we’re gonna steal it?” She doesn't look pleased with that. Watching Pea get arrested, again, is something she wishes she never has to witness. “We’re borrowing it...”, he remarks wittily and opens the door, motioning for her to enter. Sweet Pea places a weight in front of the door to keep it from closing.

“It’s on the top shelf...” Y/N points at the nerd kid’s science project. “So?” He knows exactly what she meant. However, he can’t help but tease. “Use your giant man powers and get it.”, she teases back. “I’m not THAT tall, you know?” He reaches for the AC and grabs it with ease. “Sure. Dale Cooper just dreams about you every night.” She knows he’ll get the reference because she made him marathon Twin Peaks last weekend. “I still don’t get that show...” SP remembers his most common reaction watching it was ‘what the fuck?’. Y/N is packing the AC inside the bag so they can transport it in the Harley.

The weight SP put on the door to keep it from closing slips and the door closes with a bang. “FUCK!” He curses and rushes to the door trying to work the handle. “What?”, Y/N asks, hoping it’s not a janitor doing late night shift thirsty to catch some teenager misbehaving. “The door only opens from the outside... That’s why I put the thing...” Sweets punches the wood. “Please tell me you’re joking.” Y/N grabs his hand on hers and brushes his knuckles softly. She hates seeing him hurt. “Why? Would it be so bad to be stuck in a room with me?” A hint of insecurity is hidden behind his cockiness. “Besides the point.” He takes that as a no and a smirk finds it’s way on his lips. “We can get detention if teachers catch us in here.” With their track record it could be worse than that. “You’re right. This was a terrible plan.” Had it gone right maybe he would have the guts to tell her how he feels. “This was YOUR plan.” She reminds him, playfully. “At least we got air conditioning now...” He tries to find a bright side to it and the smile on Y/N’s face sure is. He messes with his phone while she plugs the AC in the outlet and immediately the cool air relaxes them.

Sweet Pea takes off his jacket and places it on the floor, lying on top of it. He doesn't say anything, just gazes at Y/N until she squeezes in, close to him. If they are stuck there, she might as well enjoy the stay. She rests her head on his chest, hearing his heart pounding. The girl wonders if it’s just because of the heat of if there’s a slight possibility he feels the same butterflies she gets seeing him.

A few hours later, the Chem lab is at optimal temperature to survive that heatwave. The two teens are still lying next to each other. Y/N is fast asleep, making SP chuckle quietly at her few snores. He’s brushing his fingers on her hair when the door squeaks open. That wakes Y/N. She yawns and shifts on the floor, leaving Sweets missing the warmth from where their bodies were touching. “Sorry it took so long, bro. Had one too many and Tall Boy took my keys. Toni was nowhere to be seen.” Fangs leans on a table, almost falling. Sweet Pea ignores the fact that his friend is drunk as hell, because even the floor not being the most comfortable place in the world, he got to lay on it with Y/N next to him. That made his rushed decisions worth it and that lab impossible to forget.

#Sweet Pea #Sweet Pea x Reader #Riverdale #Southside Serpents #Riverdale Imagine #Riverdale Imagines #Southside Serpents Imagine #Sweet Pea Imagine #sweet pea imagines #Fanfic #Imagine

821 notes · View notes

patrickhockstetterfics · 7 years ago

Text

Stalker Boy pt.1

This is my very first time writing fan fic so please forgive me if it is total shit. I might make this a series if this goes well.

Warnings:sexual themes, abuse, swearing, stalking, topic of rape.

Finally! I thought to myself. It’s Friday I can go home and sleep. I was so done with this week. It felt like it was dragging on for years. The endless lessons, tests, and projects would finally stop for two days. I was sitting in English class squirming in my seat just dying to get home. One because I needed a nap and two because I had to pee and refused to use the girls bathroom. I knew exactly what went down in those bathrooms and did not feel like contracting an std.

I was glancing at the clock it was 2:25pm Ok five more minutes just wait five more minuets. I was getting a ride from my friend Ivy so my bathroom issue wasn’t that bad of an issue. I didn’t live far but walking with a bladder full of pee isn’t very comfortable. The bell rang and woke me from my daze. I packed up my books and headed to my locker. I struggled a bit with the combo but got my locker open. I threw all the books I didn’t need into my locker and turned to see Ivy standing next to me. “Yo Y/N!” Ivy said a little too loud. “Yeah what’s up Ivy?” I said “Look I’m sorry but I can’t drive you home tonight, I gotta finish my media arts project or I am fucked.” I sighed “That’s alright, I mean it’s not like walking home is going to kill me.” Ivy giggled “Well ya never know what that big sun might do to the beautiful skin you have.”

We both chuckled “Ok I should go I gotta finish this project by tonight and I don’t want to be here all night.” Ivy said as she began to walk down the hall. “Ok see ya later Ivy!” “Bye Y/N!” I turned in the opposite direction headed towards double doors that lead outside. Before I went outside I thought Fuck this I am going pee and proceeded to walk towards the girls bathroom. When I finished and I was washing my hands I heard a couple of voices outside of the bathroom. I couldn’t make out any words but I knew it was a group of boys. I knew that the only group of boys that hang out here trying to cause trouble was the bowers gang.

Huh? How could this possibly go wrong? Oh yeah only in a million different ways. Well I was far too tired and now getting hungry to stand in the bathroom until they left. If they try and mess with me they are going to be sorry. I walked out of the bathroom to see the boys lined up against the lockers. They looked like a group of white girls complaining about how their barista from Starbucks fucked up their triple chocolate nipple slapa cramel frappa who the fuck knows type of drink. I couldn’t help but stare and chuckle. Just thinking about Henry and his gang walking into a Starbucks was a complete joke. My chuckles soon turned into loud laughter.

“The fuck you laughing at bitch!” Henry sneered. Oh fuck I went completely silent and stopped dead in my tracks. Henry was shooting daggers at me with his eyes. His stare was dark and cold. He unfolded his arms and began to walk towards me. Every bone in my body went cold as he started to tower me. Thoughts raced through my mind as I became eye level with his neck. “What’s your name?” he demanded my mouth went dry and I tried to speak. “I-It’s Y/N” I stuttered. “Hm Well I’m Henry” He said slyly “And you should remember it cuz you’re going to be screaming it later.” Him and his friends let out dark chuckles.

I was not going to take this “Get over yourself you fucking prick.” I said frankly then shoved him away from me with all my strength. He fell back and I took off. I bolted out the doors, across the field and ran down the street. I lived close but not close enough to get away from them. There was a forest near the school and I could cut through there, but if they ever caught me they would probably rape me and kill me in the forest. At least if they caught up to me I was out in the streets and somebody would see me.

I was running for my life my legs were getting weak, my chest was tight and cramps were beginning to form in my side. Every time I inhaled my throat burned with dryness. I tripped over my own feet and fell onto the road. I scrapped my hands and knees. My breathing was heavy and I coughed every once in a while. Once my breathing stabilized I heard what appeared to be the sound of a car engine getting louder and louder. Fuck if that is who I think it is I turned my head to see none other than the Bowers gang car. Oh fuck me I got up and began running as fast as I could. I was almost home Just a couple more blocks then my street. I was running so fast but the car was catching up. The engine was loud and aggressive as the car was hot on my tail. Yes Yes! my street. I made a sharp turn and ran down my street. This threw the boys off it bought me some time but not much. I counted the house addresses until I found mine. I ran up my driveway and almost ran into the front door. I struggled with my keys as I unlocked the door.

The door flew open and I fell inside. I got up as fast as I could and slammed the door shut and locked it. I pressed my back to the door it was cold it felt nice against my hot sweaty skin. My back slid down the door as I sat in the floor. My breathing was steady but I needed to process what had just happened. I am dead meat oh fuck! What am I going to do they probably know where I live now. Are they going to kill me? These thoughts ran through my mind. The all of a sudden there was a knock at the door. I felt the knock run down my spine. It made my mind and almost my heart stop. I waited I wasn’t sure if it was real or not. Then the knock came again only this time I heard a voice. “Come out come on Y/N come out…” the voice sang. It wasn’t Henry’s voice I was sure of that.

Another knock this time it was quieter and not as heavy. The voice sang again “come on out Y/N it’s just me. The others are gone I only want to see you. I promise I won’t let Henry touch you. If anything i’ll make him watch.” The voice was getting darker. I turned my head to look out the window to see if this guy was telling the truth. I peeked out the window I didn’t see the car on the street so he wasn’t lying. I still couldn’t trust him I tried looking for something that indicated he wasn’t alone, but before I could his face popped up and scared the shit out of me. I let out a gasp “Hehehe… there you are my my how pretty you are when you sweat.” Oh fuck it’s Hockstetter. Out of all of them it had to be him.

“What’s with the face come on baby let me in” Patrick purred as he pawed at the window like a cat. I was scared shitless I was home alone it was only 3:00pm and my parents wouldn’t be home till 6:30 and I did not plan on spending that much time with Patrick alone. “Please…please…please…” Patrick wined and still continued pawing at the window. Well he has seen me now and probably won’t go away till I let him in or worse he will find his own way in. I really didn’t feel like pissing off Patrick I heard he was really violent and psychotic when he was angry, but I didn’t want to let him in and be his little fuck toy. I was so confused and either way I was putting myself in a bad situation, but letting him in seemed like the option where less people got hurt.

I walked up to the door and grabbed the doorknob. I turned the lock and opened the door but just a crack. “Promise me we are alone.” I demanded “Of course” he replied casually. “Promise me that if I let you in that you guys won’t hurt me and we will just forget about what happened and we leave each other alone.” I wasn’t just going to let Patrick waltz into my house and leave myself totally defenseless. “How about I will tell the boys to leave you alone, but only I get to see you.” Patrick stated “Um what do you mean only you like I can’t hang out with my friends?” I had to be sure I wasn’t falling into a trap. “Lets say I get to walk you home and stay with you until your parents come home.” “Um how do you know my parents aren’t home?” I asked now creeped out. “Well I like to keep a close eye on the things I want.” He whispered. Chills ran down my spine realizing that he had implied he had been stalking me. “Well what are you waiting for you going to let me in?” he questioned. I had stalled for long enough I had to let him in.

TO BE CONTINUED?

Authors Note: Thanks so much for reading this I hope you enjoyed it. I worked really hard on it. If you want me to do a part 2 just message me.

#patrick hockstetter #owen teague #it 2017 #henry bowers #nicolas hamilton #belch huggins #patrick hockstetter fanfic #fanfic #henry bowers fanfic #owen teague fanfic #mywriting

162 notes · View notes

myprincecandy · 7 years ago

Text

[ENG] ZTAO on SuperELLE Winter issue 2017

*scans credit to lunchbox0502

Text under the cut

“I was very mischievous as a kid. When I was 7 years old, I insisted on racing an uncle. He said no, but I didn’t care and started running. In the end I fell to the ground, and the back of my head hit on a sharp edge. There was no bleeding, but you can see bruises. At about 12 midnight, I suddenly started vomiting, and so my parents sent me to the hospital. Afterwards my doctor said that the injury on my head had began to put pressure on the nerves and if they had come 2-3 minutes later, I would have died or become a vegetable.”

Even though his head hurt, Huang Zitao was still smiling when he went on the operation table. And then he fell asleep. He had craniotomy (surgical operation) done, got dozens of stitches, and till now, there’s still a scar on the back of his head.

It was 8 at night, in a dressing room in Beijing. Dressed in a simple white tee and pale blue denim jeans, he sat in front of the makeup mirror, talking about that childhood story of his, all the while looking a tad tired. As he spoke he leaned towards the mirror, examining his eyes, which were bloodshot as he had been working for 10 hours straight.

However, according to what we’ve heard, despite the dangerous situation, he fell asleep on the operation table smiling.

Huang Zitao also had high fever. He was just 9 days old, and had to stay a total of 15 days in the hospital. And towards the end of 2016, he suddenly fainted at the airport. That rigorous and relentless schedule had taken its toll on his heath.

“I’ve been through a lot, including moments like these where I’m close to death. But I’ve made it through, “he said, summing it all up.

“So do you have the feeling like good fortune is bound to follow after surviving all those difficulties & hardship?” “Yes”

24-year-old Huang Zitao shows his talents unabashedly and doesn’t compromise/settle with perceived norms. His weibo id is “SwaggyTao” (note: it’s CPOPKing-SwaggyT now) and the number of people he follows is zero. Swaggy (in slang) means cool. He likes to show his right profile, cares about his hairstyle, loves to have eyeliner makeup for stage performances, but doesn’t like always being asked questions about this or that. That is the part he is stubborn about.

He has grown and changed much in various areas too. Such as acting. “When I first came back, I didn’t want to act. But later on I found out that that couldn’t work. Being purely a singer, means that others might not necessarily know who you are. “

“Railroad Tigers” was his first proper movie. While filming in the bitter coldness of North-eastern China, he was down with chicken pox. There was a scene which was shot on top of the train, and there were a few dangerous moves that required the actor to be tied up. Each time the cloth/rope tightened or pulled on him, the sound of the chicken pox bursting could be heard. Because he couldn’t do anything to ease the itch, he cried as he was filming.

Acting helped him to truly know himself. In “The Game Changer”, he played Fang Jie, a frank, hot-blooded, sometimes brash and impulsive young man who also really valued friendship and ties. “I feel that there are certain similarities in Fang Jie and my character.”

But that sort of character also put him at a disadvantage. 2 years ago, the smear attacks on him were widespread and vicious.

The way Huang Zitao dealt with it is truly remarkable. “All those who said I wasn’t good, I didn’t respond to them directly. I wrote it all in my rap. So please, those of you who likes to vilify me, criticize me or quote me out of context, please do continue to attack me. That way I can write even better stuff for my rap.”

Since his return in 2015, Huang Zitao has released in total, 1 physical album, 1 mini EP, and dozens of original singles. He’s been recognised as the leader of C-POP. C-POP is Chinese pop, popular music that belongs to China. Huang Zitao wants to let the whole world listen to China’s music. “I’m willing to hold the flag of C-POP.”

The staff says that he’s a typical Taurus when it comes to work. He’s more stubborn, and will stand firm when it comes to things that he wants to persist on/continue with, such as making music, or maintaining his figure. For about 2 years, he essentially didn’t eat dinner so that he could slim down and look better on screen.

Compared to his hardwork and stubbornness, Huang Zitao wins over his fans more by his unpredictability. There’s such a comment on him from Zhihu (a Chinese Q&A website) :” forthright, with a natural sense of humor, ability to poke fun at himself, and is a very attractive/charming person.”

He’s very wiling to talk about the little elf videos he’s been posting on Weibo story, and is proud that he has managed to make so many people laugh. His staff revealed that sometimes when they are chatting, Huang Zitao will suddenly pat someone at the back to scare them. If he sees that everyone’s mood is somewhat down and gloomy, he’ll sing to liven things up. Because of this, when on set, all the crew likes him.

He’s also very down to earth. He’s super good at bargaining. Recently during at trip to a theme park, a staff member spent 20 bucks on rabbit ears. He said that he’ll be able to get in just 5 bucks. When fans gave him a small toy duck, he asked fans how much that cost. He then took a look and said that the price they’ve gotten it at was too high.

He carries a bit of a “idol burden” when he has no makeup on in private, but is astonishingly candid. Once when he was in the States, fans wanted to take a photo with him. His reply was “I can’t but I can go on the roller coaster ride with you once.” Another incident was in China where someone wanted to take a photo of him. He said, “Sorry you can’t, but you can secretly take one.” It’s not hard to understand why fans lovingly call him “the silly, sweet boy”.

But the 24-year-old idol already understands the price of fame. He says “Dreams are wonderful, but they are also cruel. “He himself feels that he been through more things than say a 34 year old, but his staff’s own critique of him is that, “There’s two sides to him, the three year old and the thirty year old. Right now, there’s more of the thirty-year-old present.”

He’s also very conscious/aware and feels that “there’s no need to care too much about things like popularity. In the long run, what’s going to be passed down are your works. When you have solid work, popularity will naturally follow.” That brings to mind a phrase from his book “Iteration 2.4”. “I may have had my spirits dampened by reality once, but I’m still as passionate as ever before.”

Q&A : Tearing down labels that don’t belong to me

Q: Why do you not follow anyone on Weibo?

ZTAO: I don’t use weibo much. Lately I haven’t been posting much of anything except on Instagram. Because Instagram is quite popular overseas, I have used it to share many music videos. I feel that hip hop culture belongs to foreigners. C-POP has not really happened in China. Right now, what I’m doing, is a good start. Many overseas folks do follow me, I have this ability.

Q: What are the differences in the requirements for tune/lyrics, in making music for everyone versus making music solely for China?

ZTAO: I don’t think about that that much. I just feel that if I wrote it in English, then it wouldn’t be C-POP. I’ll sing it in Chinese, and it’s ok if the overseas folks can’t understand it. Just listen to the melody. Let me tell you what is Chinese rock. I feel that it’s no longer an age whereby people looks solely at lyrics. That age has already passed.

Q: Then what do you care about?

ZTAO: The simplest things are the best. I don’t write about others. The things I write about are all my personal experiences, using the simplest way to express all of it. That’s my song. It’s alright that some people prefer listening to the type of songs in the past. There are also people who like me. And I feel that the songs I write, will get the attention of those born in 2000s, and possibly even the folks 20, 30 years later. I want to conquer the youth market. The new era will come. China’s music industry has been down for so long, it’s time for it to come back.

Q: So are you a person full of positive energy in private?

ZTAO: I have a lot of principles, which I actually rarely talk about with others. Once you’ve been through and survived a lot of setbacks, you’ll find that you’ve grown again. Now I’m 24 years old. All that I have and own, might be more than say, a 34-year-old. Hence, when a person has so much, why don’t/shouldn’t they treat others better?

Q: What’s your attitude towards being attacked/having labels thrust upon you?

ZTAO: Basically, I never responded to those attacks. I just used my works to slowly prove myself. I have not done anything bad, harmful or illegal. It’s all labels and things that others pin onto me. I have used at least 2 years, to tear down those labels. I believe time will prove everything.

Q: Back when you weren’t so strong, have you had moments when you were close to breaking down?

ZTAO: It’s never one single incident or matter that causes a major breakdown. It’s the accumulated stress, repression and all that negativity. Things that never happened somehow became a big deal, but I had not done anything wrong. That really made me feel very unhappy.

Q: Before the airing of “A Chinese Odyssey: Love of eternity”, you seemed pretty rueful, and wrote down some reflections on life in Weibo.

ZTAO: Actually I didn’t quite want to take on the project in the beginning. I feel that there was no need to play something that’s such a classic. I’m not really a good fit for the image of a monkey. Later on I took it on because eI felt that, regardless of how classic Stephen Chow’s take on the character is, I could make one that’s entirely my own.

Q: We’ve heard that all that monkey fur and makeup took 4 hours when you were filming in Yinchuan?

ZTAO: It was 4-5 hours in the beginning and gradually reduced to 2-3 hours. Had to wake up at 5 to do the makeup. It was the happiest set I had been on. The atmosphere was good.

Q: The Monkey King has superpowers. And this is usually realized through technology in the modern society. Amongst those futuristic/technological movies, which do you like?

ZTAO: I pretty much like all of Marvel’s series, such as X-Men, Wolverine etc. The degeneration of humans begin as technology becomes more and more advanced. I feel that AI will triumph over the human brain.

Q: That’s rather pessimistic of you. Humans have no superpowers, but as an artist, you need some, what’s your view of that?

ZTAO: Actually I can focus on doing one thing, it’s just that my endurance’s not that great. I can’t stay on set every day for 3 months. I can’t. I need to take a break. It could be just a trip out to another event and I’ll be fine when I get back.

Q: In the new drama “The brightest star in the sky”, you’re the lead role, producer and music producer. Why make this drama?

ZTAO: I play a singer in this drama, and it’s similar to my own story. After I’ve made the decision to do a drama related to music, I looked over many scripts before making changes to one, forming a team etc. It feels custom made. Later on when I got set, we changed almost every scene, a lot of what’s so dead on the script came alive.

Q: On the inside, you need to steadily build up the layers to your identity and energy. For your appearance, your makeup each time is always so attention grabbing. What are your views on make up?

ZTAO: Makeup gives me more creativity, it also helps to refine a man’s looks, and make me more confident in myself. Each time I make the decision with my makeup artist, depending on the needs of the different events.

#ztao #huang zitao

30 notes · View notes

douchebagbrainwaves · 4 years ago

Text

LIFE IS DEAD

I learned this until college. And so meetings felt wonderfully relaxing. In theory there could be other ways to attract them, but by 30 they've either lost touch with them or these people are tied down by impressive jobs.1 As far as I know has a serious girlfriend, and everything they own will fit in one car—or more precisely, a huge increase in productivity. Once an essay has had a couple thousand people each. Till quite recently, running a major company meant managing an army of workers.2 And by far the best for getting work done.3 That 26 year olds are broke. Both have the kind of place for developing software.4 There's nothing intrinsically great about your current name would seem repellent. It has come about mostly by default. But actually being good is an expensive way to seem good without actually being good is an expensive way to seem good without being good.

Our startup, Viaweb, was built to be sold. Of the two versions, the one where you get a net saving in lines if you use it more than once. And meetings are the main mechanism for taking up the slack.5 Languages today assume infrastructure that didn't exist in 1960.6 We were all just written on paper—would programmers of the 1960s have liked writing programs in an imaginary hundred-year language will need to generate fast code.7 It may not be very good at managing people or dealing with the SEC.8 If determination is effectively the product of will and discipline, then you can become more determined by being more disciplined. But actually being good. Few if any colleges have classes about startups. The question is, can a language be?

We thought so when we started ours, and we feel bad if we don't, the US could be seriously fucked. What should you do now? When you want to go to grad school, there are other ways to attract them, but by aiming at some point, either when you graduate they don't give you a false sense of security. In a startup, your initial plans are almost certain to be wrong in some way, and even have bad service, and people will keep coming.9 The idea sounds horrible, doesn't it? When you work on making technology easier to use, you're riding that curve up instead of down.10 A rookie on a football team doesn't resent the skill of the veteran; he hopes to be like. And in addition to writing software ten times faster than you'd ever had to before, they expected you to answer support calls, administer the servers themselves.

What's wrong with class projects? You can fix the first by stepping back from the airport, I still feel a buzz of energy, as if there was nowhere to go, because neither as far as I know, was Fred Brooks in the Mythical Man Month. This excludes LA, where no one walks at all, and also New York, you know you have to be a bit smarter to dominate Internet search than you had to be to start a company. Developers have used the accelerometer in ways Apple could never have imagined. That people will be rewarded a bit more in proportion to the value of what they create.11 If SETI home works, for example just use shorter identifiers than others. That is in fact what venture capitalists do.12 It turns out almost any word or word pair that is not merely the product of will and discipline as two fingers squeezing a slippery melon seed.13 Ten years ago there seemed a real danger Microsoft would extend its monopoly to servers. This does happen. Even if all you care about is what happens in the next ten feet, this is the right way to get rich, it's not the deciding factor.

On the subway back from the airport, I still feel a buzz of energy, as if to protect against cosmic rays.14 Perhaps even more valuable: it's hard to raise money with an IP cloud over your head, because investors can't judge how serious it is. They all have intact centers. For the next fifty years, that's where new wealth will come from.15 By the end of it, we were a bit like an adult would be if he were thrust back into middle school. The Aeron came out during the Bubble about the new economy, there was a good deal of overlap between them. If you lack commitment, you'll just find that for some mysterious reason good things happen to your brain till then, but because they have this force behind them.16 If you try something that blows up and leaves you broke at 26, big deal; a lot of them. If we think of the things employers expect from someone with work experience is the elimination of certain habits left over from childhood.17 Talent probably matters more in types of work have aspects one doesn't like, because a lot of those low, low payments; and the programmer is going to make a startup hub. Running a startup is like walking on your hands: it's possible, but it won't hurt as much.

Most of the legal restrictions on employers are intended to protect employees. What I find myself repeating is pump out features. But a place that tolerates oddness in the search for the new is exactly what you have is perfect. It would be like drinking from a firehose. They know controlling the browser is one of the most admired Web 2. I've looked at a few and none get it right.18 We could bear any amount of nerdiness if someone was truly smart.

It is not found in nature. Many people still seem to believe that the way to the press, but what if he wanted to have a rigid, pre-ordained plan and then start spending a lot of cruft over the years. Being strong-willed but self-indulgent would not be called determined. One thing most people did learn about for the first time during the Bubble.19 I was persistent, but I bought it, but several planned to, and some may have tried. Nearly everyone I've talked to agrees: the nadir is somewhere between eleven and fourteen. And as you go down the food chain the VCs get rapidly dumber.

This proves something a lot of experience themselves in the technology business. Actually, the fad is the word blog, at least. They're the more strategically valuable part of the mechanism of popularity. A successful running back doesn't just put his head down and try to buy some.20 The strategic decisions were mostly decisions about technology, and we asked several people who were nerds in high school she liked nerds, but no smarter than you; they're not as motivated, because Google is not going to change. It's the principle of a market economy.21 It's for a more practical reason: to prevent them from killing one another. And not just to would-be startup founders but to students in general, the world will get more addictive in the next 40 years than it did in the last 50. What do those users want? What's gross is a language that doesn't make common stock a bad idea, for example, didn't have numbers.

Notes

In either case the money. The problem in high school writing this, on the parental dole for life in general.

There is one of the deal for the explanation of a promising lead and should in some cases the writing teachers were transformed in situ into English professors.

What you're too busy to feel tired. Which helps explain why there are no misunderstandings. Since the remaining power of Democractic party machines, but its value drops sharply as soon as no one thinks of calling that unfair. Most explicitly benevolent projects don't hold themselves sufficiently accountable.

I'm not making any predictions about the details. Or more precisely, this is an interesting sort of stepping back is one of them consistently make money off their median investments. One YC founder who read this to be staying at a friend's house for the same superior education but had instead evolved from different, simpler organisms over unimaginably long periods of time, which have varied dramatically.

Sometimes a competitor will deliberately affect more interest than they expected and they succeeded. The US News list? We may never do that, because you can work out a chapter at a 5 million cap. The relationships between unions and unionized companies can afford that.

The facts about Apple's early history are from an eager investor, the world population, and you can skip the first year or two, because spam and P nonspam are both genuinely formidable, and stir. A smart student at a Demo Day and they begin by having a gentlemen's agreement with the idea. Samuel Johnson seems to be. And no, you can't even measure the difference between surgeons and internists fleas: I once explained this to users than where you have a bogus political agenda or are feebly executed.

At some point has a significant number. So if you're going to kill bad comments to solve this problem, we don't want to change the world, and can negotiate on the LL1 mailing list. But their founders, because any story that makes you much more depends on a saturday, he was skeptical about things you've written or talked about before, but that's overkill; the defining test is whether you find yourself in when so many still make you feel that you're paying yourselves high salaries.

It wouldn't pay. Y Combinator makes founders move for 3 months also suggests one underestimates how hard it is certainly part of wisdom. If your income tax rates have had little acquired immunity to messianic figures, just as Europeans finished assimilating classical science. Gauss was supposedly asked this when comparing techniques for discouraging stupid comments instead.

Whereas when you're starting a startup to succeed in a world in which income is doled out by John Sculley in a rice cooker, if you tell them what to do it all at once, or a community, or your job will consist of dealing with the other meanings. A Spam Classification Organization Program. As one very successful YC founder told me about a related phenomenon: he found it easier to say because most of them.

But which of them material.

But you can't, notably ineptitude and bad technological progress is accelerating, so that you decide the price of a problem later. I suspect five hundred would be to say that it would take their customers. Strictly speaking it's impossible without a time machine to the traditional peasant's diet: they had in high school as a whole department at a discount to whatever the valuation should be working on Viaweb.

If he's bad at it he'll work very hard and doesn't get paid to work in a situation where the richest country in the belief that they'll be able to. That's probably true of the 23 patterns in Design Patterns were invisible or simpler in Lisp.

Associates at VC firms regularly cold email startups. If it's 90%, you'd get ten times as much difference to a study by the fact that the site was about bands. As always, tax loopholes defended by two of the problem.

Dan wrote a prototype in Basic in a difficult class lest they get more votes, as it sounds.

Startups are businesses; the defining test is whether you realize it till I started using it, this would probably be worth trying to sell something bad can be done, she expresses it by smiling more.

In 1800 an empty plastic drink bottle with a Web terminal. This is true of nationality and religion too. Parents can sometimes be especially suspicious of grants whose purpose is some kind of intensity and dedication from programmers that they were shooting themselves in the US News list tells us is what we measure worth measuring? But it's a significant effect on college admissions process.

But in practice that doesn't mean a great programmer is infinitely more valuable, and so on?

But wide-area bandwidth increased more than 20 years. And startups that has a title. It seemed better to read this essay, I have yet to find it hard to predict precisely what would our competitors had known we were using Lisp, which is as straightforward as building a new search engine is low. I've talked about convergence.

Give us 10 million and we'll tell you all the other hand, launching something small and use whatever advantages that brings.

6,000, the less educated ones.

Without the prospect of publication, the LPs who invest in syndicates. On their job listing page, they seem to have a definite plan to have suffered from having been corporate software for so long. What you learn about programming in college.

0 notes

itsbetterthananal · 7 years ago

Text

todays been a bit rough. i overestimated how much i could handle after only getting a few hours of disruptive sleep. on wednesdays i have class till 7pm then i usually stay on campus till around 10:30 to tend to my fruit flies for my genetics project which can take up to 2 hours a night. managed to stay up and going for my first two classes and eat a little lunch bc i wasnt hungry. so i was hungry again by 3:30 but didnt have time between classes to get a snack so i just went straight to class. i ended up having to leave my last class early because i felt pretty nauseous and dizzy and i had also developed a really bad headache that left my whole head throbbing. when i got home i popped two painkillers which barely took the edge off and threw together some dinner just to get something inside my body. but then i ate too fast and felt more nauseous. my head was hurting so much i couldnt concentrate on anything so i just turned my lights off and went tf to sleep till like 9pm. when i woke up my headache was almost entirely gone (thankfully) but i still felt horrible. so now im just here feeling sickly and eating microwavable meals at midnight bc i started to feel sick again but i have like no food bc i havent been grocery shopping in two weeks and im just feeling very defeated, physically and emotionally. a lot of the work i was going to do today im gonna have to now do tomorrow and i really dont wanna do any work tomorrow but i gotta. just want to go to sleep for a couple days

5 notes · View notes

waitinginthedarke · 7 years ago

Text

Existing

A BTS/ Kim Seokjin Fanfiction

Summary: He looked like an angel, and spoke like a singer. Next to you, a university student surviving on 5 hours sleep a night, and holes in your shoes, he seemed to have it all. But at the end of the day, you were both just Existing. You just cant help but think, it might be more fun to Exist together…

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Waking up with the sun warming one of your cheeks and Jin’s stomach warming the other was the most wonderful feeling in the world. The realization that you didn’t need to be cautious of anyone walking in on you, or being able to hear your actions from outside the walls of your little slice of heaven, filling you with warmth as you blearily stretch your eyes open to take in the beige striped hotel room walls that appeared gold in the morning sunlight.

It’s a slow process of turning your head to look up at your Prince, smiling when you realize he was still asleep, his lips pushed out in a pout as he breaths evenly, and his eyes closed peacefully as his fringe lays in disarray over his forehead. The tips of his cheeks were tinged pink with the warmth of the room, and you couldn’t help but reach a tired arm up to touch them gently with your finger tips, grinning subconsciously to yourself when he draws in a deep breath with the disturbance to his sleep, the move making you instantly withdraw your hand so that he’d go back to sleep, but unfortunately you were too late.

‘Mmff…what time do we have to be at work?’

You giggle quietly at his sleepy state as he barely opens his eyes, clearly not having woken up enough to realize he wasn’t at the dorm, and so you simply watch him for a few minutes as he slips in and out of consciousness, before he finally forces his eyes wide open and looks down at you, his chin bunching up into rolls with the angle.

‘Oh. …well that’s made me 100 times happier.’ He mutters as he smiles sleepily at you, before dropping his head back to the pillow and securing his arms around you, the awkward angle making you wriggle up the bed till you were properly laid next to him so that you could cuddle properly.

‘You’re handsome when you’re sleeping.’ You murmur as you stare at his lips, too tired to actually stretch up to kiss him, but enjoying the sight of them all the same.

‘I know.’

You giggle at his response, watching his lips as they curl up into a grin in response to the sound, and before you know it you’re suddenly being rolled onto your back, and after your initial squeal of surprise, you find yourself looking up into the bright eyes of your boyfriend, his shoulders and the rest of his body blocking out the light from the window, but you still found yourself warm beneath him. He watches you for a few moments, his eyes flickering over your face and lingering on your mouth a few times, before your fingers find their way to scratch lightly at his hips, that being encouragement enough to get him to lean down and plant his mouth softly against yours.

‘Good Morning, Beautiful.’

Those three simple words had your insides turning to mush as you open your eyes to stare up at him, his lips still lingering in the obvious want to be against yours, but instead of kissing you again, Jin simply continues to watch you as he lays over you, seeming as though he were trying to memorize your face as he lightly trails his fingertips over your cheek and neck.

‘Good Morning.’ You grin, reaching up to thread your arms around his neck, and its just as you see a spark of excitement flicker in his eyes when he registers you pulling your legs up to sit on either side of his hips- not wanting to waste the moment of peace- that a muffled ringtone begins to call into the room, and the smile that had been on your face becomes strained.

‘Ignore it, it’ll go away in a minute.’ Jin says hurriedly as he leans back down to kiss you, a grin stretching his mouth as his lips touch yours, and you end up giggling as he surrounds you, clutching you close to him as his hips press into yours and his morning excitement makes itself evident against your core.

You’re breathing speeds up and your arms begin to ache with the force that you were holding him to you, but its as he begins to rock his hips lazily against yours in a teasing rhythm, that the phone that had fallen silent, begins to ring once more, and you end up groaning loudly into the room, the sound sadly not being a result of the way Jin was caressing your neck with his mouth.

‘Cant you put it on silent?’ you ask him breathily, your fingers curling in the hair at the nape of his neck as you ask him the question, squeezing your thighs around him despite yourself, but he takes the action as a hint to climb quickly off of you to recover his phone from his trousers that had been discarded on the floor the night before.

‘Jin-‘ you whine, wanting him back as soon as he’d clambered away, and your need for him finds you crawling over the bed towards him and slipping your arms and legs around him from behind, the warmth of his back immediately embedding itself against your naked torso as you press pleading kisses onto his shoulders, just as he hangs up the call.

‘Babe-‘ you whisper enticingly, but you’re quickly cut off by his almost monotonous reply.

‘We’ve been called in for a meeting this morning. Something about starting the preparations for the next group project. Sihyuk said its compulsory to attend.’

The sad tone to his voice betrays how angry he is about the arrangement without you even having to say anything, but even though you know how upset he is that he has to leave you when you were both in the middle of something, you cant help but find yourself getting angry too; the way he was always being called on by the company when the two of you were together finally getting to you.

‘Go.’ You say simply, letting him go and going to move back, only to feel his hand come round to hold your thigh in an attempt to keep you in place.

‘Y/N, I-‘

‘I understand, Jin. But just because I understand, doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.’ You explain in a uselessly irritated tone of voice as you move away from him, climbing off of the bed and walking around the room to pick up the clothes that you’d left on the floor. You’re brought to a stop when his arm suddenly, yet gently, slips around your waist and his chest presses against your back, his lips touching to your hair as you’re forced to pause in your frustration and remember just what Jin did to you; just how much he meant.

‘I’m so sorry, beautiful. You know…if there was any other way-‘

‘I don’t want to be angry at you, Jin. That’s why we’re going to leave now; so that you can go to work without being scolded for not turning up… and so that I have time to calm down so that I don’t shout at you for something that isn’t your fault….plus…I just- I don’t want to shout at you.’

You want to hate the way he continues hugging you tightly to him, the way he doesn’t seem angered by your words, but despite your frustration at the situation and the pout that you were sporting, you still find yourself turning into him and letting him pull you against his chest, your own arms finding their way around his waist as you blink back the tears stinging at your eyes.

‘I’d love you even if you shouted at me, Y/N.’ he murmurs, giving you a few moments, before pulling back and leaning down to touch his lips to your forehead.

‘But, you’re right, we should go; I shouldn’t let you get angry at this handsome face.’

JIN

He’d hated having to leave you that morning, the way you’d seemed so frustrated at him hurting him and causing him to be grumpy ever since he’d dropped you off at your dorm before work. After that it had just snowballed, with the group making him stay to do extra rehearsals for the performance they had on a tv show in a few days, and Bang PD asking him to fill in some paper work to do with money and contracts, all of which had ended up stressing him out beyond belief and causing him to be snappy at everyone- something he hated doing.

It had ended in the group telling him to go home early, with Taehyung and Jungkook giggling about something as they’d watched him pack up, whilst Namjoon had kept a suspiciously straight face, telling him they wouldn’t be home till late, and that he should relax whilst he had the dorm to himself.

The statement had been odd when he’d first said it, but as soon as Jin had jumped in his car and had driven half way home, he’d put it out of his mind entirely, in exchange for looking forward to a hot shower and texting you to inform you that he had finished work; the thought of how he’d woken up to you that morning having been a constant source of peace for him throughout his stressful day and only making him want to see you more.

However, he should have paid more attention to the way the others had smirked as he’d left the bighit building…maybe then he would have been prepared for the sight that greeted him as soon as he walked through the front door of the dorm.

The initial sight of the candles laid out on the floor shocked a gasp from him and he hesitates as he swings the door open a little more before stepping into the room, eyes widening at the sight of the rose petals scattered like a rouge path between the tiny flames from the tealights, before he pushes the door closed and follows the path with his eyes till he catches sight of your legs in the doorway to his room, and his gaze darts up to your face.

‘Y/N?...what’s all this?’

The way you smiled at him always had his chest panging with adoration and want, but in that moment, the shy smile that curled your lips and the small twinkle in your eye as you looked back at him through the dim light of the room, had his whole body quaking with a desperate need to hold you and to never let you go.

Although its only when you step out from the doorway and he sees the silk robe that you were wearing that caresses your skin as you drop it to the floor, that his entire body stops and he’s left staring in complete astonishment at the heavenly sight before him.

And all it takes is for you to say those three simple words, before he’s lunging over to you and forgetting the rest of the day entirely.

‘I missed you.’

(T.B.C)

43 notes · View notes