#<- slightly related i either need a man to come out with a hit album soon so i can trash that too

[clowndensation]

i think maybe i'm just not with it. the music scene has passed me by, people talk about the new amazing album they've heard and i have to sit there and pretend it doesn't sound grating and bad.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression, radio version - Ep 42, July 2016 - Mode of Vulgar tour finished, Security issues at Rio de Janeiro Olympics, Actor Ishida Junichi running for Tokyo Governor?

After introducing Joe, Kaoru comments on how hot its been recently. Joe asks him if he is coping in the heat, and he admits that he hasn't spent much time outdoors due to work.  Since the tour finished he's been cooped up at home working on new songs. Joe says he did attend one of Dir's shows on the recent tour, and thought it was great. Just before recording this episode, he also interviewed Kaoru about the tour for Rolling Stone online. Kaoru says it was the type of interview that only Joe could produce.

Kaoru thanks the fans for the fact that Mode of Vulgar was totally sold out, and thanks them also for coming to the last minute additional date, that was added only a few days before it was due to take place. Joe asks Kaoru if he felt more relaxed at this additional show, knowing that the main tour had been successfully completed. Kaoru replies that he did. Joe then asks how it felt to play a past album on tour like this. Kaoru says that they have done this kind of thing once before when they did the Gauze tour, but this time was different. It was interesting to see how the current feel of the band was similar to the feeling contained in Vulgar. He also felt like the fans communicated thier thoughts to the band very well during the lives on this tour. Leading on from this, he plugs the new single Utafumi, and plays the promo edit version.

Next, they are joined by Hiranabe for the Tokyo Sports corner. Kaoru and Joe laugh, 'Its him, he appeared!', to which Hiranabe replies that he isn't a ghost. Hiranabe first talks about the fact that Dobashi hasn't appeared on the show for quite some time. The reason for this is that he as been appointed as the person responsible for the Rio Olympics coverage, and he has been very busy. He is due to head out to Rio the following week, and worries about whether he will ever be able appear on this show again after he returns. This is in relation to the fear of attacks/security issues at the Olympics, which was in the news at the time. Would Dobashi turn this show into a target if he attended the Olympics, and then came back to appear on it? According to Hiranabe, Dobashi is apparently also writing his will before leaving, due to him having a wife and children.

Hiranabe then changes the subject slightly to say that 450000 condoms will apparently be distributed in the Olympic village in Rio, to which Joe states this has nothing to do with security issues. Still, Hiranabe is pretty impressed with that number. He has given Dobashi orders to make sure he brings some back with him. They could be presents for Tokyo Sports subscribers, though he thinks this might make the Olympic Association pretty mad. Regardless of this, they all hope Dobashi makes it back to Japan safely. Joe asks if Dobashi will be actually covering the sporting events. Hiranabe snaps back, 'What else did you think he would be covering at the Olympics?!'. Joe says that knowing Tokyo Sports' reputation, it might be stories about night life in Rio, or anything. Hiranabe says newspapers in general do want stories like that, but they can't take the responsibility if thier reporters get mugged etc. If a reporter resisted, things could get ugly. Joe questions whether Hiranabe is in a good position to give advice as to how to avoid getting mugged in Brazil, considering his own history of getting mugged in Japan. Hiranabe then tells the story of how he recently dropped his wallet, but miraculously recovered it after it was handed in to the police. ¥25000 had been stolen from it, but his company ID, important work info, and all his other important cards etc had been left in it. The person who handed it in had been described as a mysterious man, who apparently handed the wallet in and then made a run for it without leaving his contact info. Hiranabe thinks this guy might have stolen the money, but felt scared of being put in contact with Hiranabe after seeing his photo on his driving license.

After Kaoru plays another record, Hiranabe says that if his wallet hadn't been found, he might be out of a job. He even wrote an apology to his boss, which went along the lines of, 'I, Hiranabe Kōchi, apologise for dropping my wallet which contained important company information. I won't let it happen again, and have reflected on my actions'. If lost, the conetents of his wallet could have cause so much damage, he probably wouldn't ever have been back on this show.

Hiranabe's next topic is about the actor Ishida Junichi, who had expressed his intention to run for the position of Tokyo Governor, but also said he will stand down if a better candidate arises. It seems like quite a vague move, and could be simply a form of self-advertisment for him. It fits with Ishida's general strategy for gaining popularity. Beat Takeshi also mentioned before that although Ishida has never starred in any big, defining movies or dramas, and has no big hits etc, he still somehow manages to be seen very favourably in the entertainment world. Hiranabe thinks that if he plays it well, he might beable to run in the election. If he did, he may be able to follow in the footsteps of fellow actor-turned-politician Yamamoto Tarō. But even if he doesn't run, the whole thing will be great promo for him. Ishida has a history of being able to get away with any scandals that arise about him. For example, he once said that adultery is a part of culture. He didn't then apologise for saying this, but stood firm with his opinion. He is very good at taking control of the discourse when scandals about him arise. Kaoru worries about the effect this type of thing has on his family. Hiranabe says that Ishida has basically set up a scenario in which he looks good either way, by saying he will step down for the sake of party unity if needed. He'll probably get work after this, as he may be asked on panel shows to give comments about the elections etc, raising his profile further. Its basically self promotion no matter how you look at it.

To finish Kaoru mentions that he played three records today, perhaps to stop Hiranabe from talking so much. Something slightly different happened anyhow...on the other side of the glass with Hiranabe, there is a visitor who has never been there before. Hiranabe claims its his sister. Joe says she doesn't look like him at all. Kaoru then ends by plugging the new jingle campaign, new single, and DSS tour.

Songs - Dir en grey/Utafumi, Def Leppard/Animal, Dir en grey/Rinkaku.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Belgium brings their ex-vocalist back to Rotterdam 2021

Here we chop chop boys like we chop chop wood

This review space would’ve been reserved for Belarus. Unfortunately, their broadcaster was not ready to make nice, and ultimately refused to serve EBU with anything but not-even-so-thinly-veiled propaganda, so much so that EBU, after all they’ve given the time for them for to snap out of it, finally had to be like “bye bitch” (- Lizzo) with enough push from the fandom, and informed everyone that Belarus will miss this year’s contest <3

Which means that I don’t have to deal with 41, but with 39 writeups to do overall, if my timing permits! The Roop could’ve always used a little less competition, anyway /j

Speaking of The Roop’s competition, time to aim at another one of their semifinal folk with a review. Come forth, Belgium!

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Hooverphonic, eventhough they’re not as big of a name as Flo Rida, is the biggest act to compete in this year’s Eurovision, and even had lasted longer as a thing than Flo Rida. He barely even got his proper famous kickstart around in the 2000s. Hoover have been around at least for 5 years more than him, if “Years active” section on Wikipedia is anything to go by. And back then they were just known as Hoover, correct. Their lineup of singers has changed for quite some time, but otherwise the band since its inception is rooted in basically two men: Alex Callier and Raymond Geerts. They used to have a keyboardist too but was he a part of their glory years in 2000? No? Thought so, he’s irrelevant then. In fact, their first vocalist wasn’t even present on their first album, so they went to have another one, who did just one album with them before 2000 and left. Now I’m only constantly and consistently bringing up 2000 because that’s when they had their break out moment in relevancy - after they changed their singer once more before they found someone called Geike Arnaert - the woman you’re seeing on the MV’s thumbnail right now, and not someone certain for whom there was a public outcry for she is the only Hooverphonic component that’s not coming back from 2020 to 2021. But more on that later. I’m here to present you the break-out hit, for those who just don’t know:

I used to like to think of Hoovers as trip-hop sensations, well not in the style of Massive Attack because they have their trip-hop sound with actual hip hop thrown in, Hooverphonic’s style is that but with a tinge of symphonic.

Well, “Mad About You” wasn’t really the only hit they had, before that they got a bunch of minor and domestic hits, and their music was used for soundtracks. So it’s a little bit cheating still to think of “Mad About You” as their breakout hit, but that’s still the biggest song of the band. If I were to recommend you stuff from them that aren’t necessarily the biggest hits but still, “The Night Before” with yet another one of their vocalists is pretty good.

So when I tell you that Hooverphonic is a band of a very long career. Well some bands do survive a lot without having their lineup change for 10+ years, but Hooverphonic vocalistes come and go sometimes, and for 2020 forray, when they were first announced, they came in to that talk show studio where they were guests in with a promising little starlet Alex Callier found at The Voice Belgium (for the Flanders region) and was her mentor there, Luka Cruysberghs, as their current vocalist.

Is it just me or her and Stefania Liberakakis look like they could be cousins?

All went smooth and dandy, until Alex started spouting stuff about Eurovision the fans found not amusing, such as calling Eurovision a circus or something, later begging and pleading to medias that his statement was “lost in translation” - now I would say it happens to the best of us, like for Tornike, but deep inside I think I know Alex meant what he meant, inside or outside context. Because everything just went even more sour when everyone found out Hooverphonic were missing from the common song “Love Shine a Light” for the 2020 consolation programme in place of Eurovision, and when they were forced to explain, Alex just straight up said he didn’t like the song, so he decided to not do it. Fuck, I myself don’t adore the 1997 winning song, but I like it, and would’ve still done a piece of that song out of respect. Take it or leave it, god damn. Also they were noted to be the only people plugging in their other material in the time when Eurovision 2020 artists on the consolation programme were either saying inspirational stuff or “hope to see you soon!” or a combo of both, once again, courtesy of mostly Alex. Now I’m not saying his ego is bigger than Kirkorov’s... of fucking course not, no one has an ego bigger than Kirkorov’s. The only thing that can beat him in that regard is if someone booked Kanye West for Eurovision last minute.

Following 2021, they were very excited to jump on the “leave 2020 songs behind” train, while a few artists like VICTORIA and The Roop rallied for to keep their entries in tact if they were allowed to. And with that, in late 2020, they went ahead and celebrated the 20 years of “Mad About You” by getting rid of Luka as a vocalist and bringing back the aforementioned Geike to reprise her part. Seems pretty reasonable, but for the Eurofandom it was simply seen as a dick move, and mostly for the reason that all 2020 artists deserve a 2021 chance, even if they’re band members. What felt more dickish is that Luka was straight up told “byeeee u’re no longer our bandmate xo” on a Zoom call between band members. Like, it’s fine to be told you’re fired in person, even if still humiliating, because what’s the other better way? What’s equally worse is to be told this via email, but the email you were sent was sent like a few months ago and you only read it NOW. At least I guess that proves we know what the “sad and losing game” was that Luka asked to be released from now, heh.

Not to worry Luka-stans, as Alex will still have her, just as not the part of the band anymore. But instead give her a solo career. Yeah well we’ll see how long that lasts.

With the 2000 glory heydays lineup of Hooverphonic we have their entry be “The Wrong Place”, as the completely quite different song they promised (or didn’t) when saying that they will certainly and absolutely get rid of their old one for the 2021 if they had a choice. What they didn’t get rid of is the theme of the worse part of relationships - “Release Me” is about probably wanting to be let go of and released rather than kept by the side when it’s probably not working out. “The Wrong Place” is one of those episodes that probably happened during then - they had a house conflict, she chose to have a smoke to forget about it, the man’s after her Johnny Cash T-Shirt. Not much else to say about the song’s technicality fortunately than I’ve already said so much about the band, so how does it fare in the Hoover-lore, for me?

REVIEW

See, I would like to root for Luka ever having her chance to get to experience Eurovision if she wishes, but maybe it’s lowkey for her own benefit she wasn’t the chosen vocalist for the song, as Geike could do “Release Me”, but Luka wouldn’t be able to do “The Wrong Place”.

“The Wrong Place” is well-suited to the first vocaliste’s melancholic blend-in timbre, and a singer like Luka would sound a little too light on this with her soft-spoken sound of her voice. Besides, I don’t think she could be old enough to relate to the lyrical subject’s domestic struggle issue. Not to say 20 year olds don’t smoke and drink, it’s just that “The Wrong Place” feels a little bit too much mature enough.

Although I think that both of them could absolutely rock the music video visuals.

The song itself is very Hooverphonic. They used to do this kind of standout triphoppy sound back in the days, but as of lately they kind of grew out of the label to do more of the music that kinda sounds like movie soundtrack music. Idek the exact label I could give it to their music so move soundtrack music it is I guess. It has a decently paced structure (could’ve done without the overly repetitive ending where they repeat “you’re in the wrong place” over and over, like ffs I know where I am!!), and interesting lyrical choices. Such as “organic cup of... tea”, as in, WOW! HOOVERPHONIC HAS ENOUGH WITH THE TEABAGS FULL OF GROUND AND GRINDED TEA! THEY WILL ONLY MAKE TEA FROM PURE HERBS AND FLOWERS, AS IT WAS USED TO BE DONE! and acting like her Johnny Cash T-Shirt is the kind of prized possession her man is not allowed to wear to rub it in her face. Imagine if it was something more mundane. “Don’t you ever dare to wear my... pink polka-dot T-shirt”? Damn right it doesn’t seem to suit the mood lol.

It’s not what I exactly wanted from Hooverphonic, but probably what I subconsciously needed from them anyway, ever since they were announced for 2020. I only got into “Release Me” sometime AFTER the contest, “The Wrong Place” is a bit more instant to stand behind. So well done to them to commit to their craft.

Approval factor: I guess I do have to stamp this with my stamp of approval. It’s nice and all. Follow-up factor: “The Wrong Place” follows up as a more of a Hooverphonic discography track after the fairly average and overlookable “Release Me” (eventhough the latter has the tinge of theirs as well because it’s a more symphonic ballad, and they do have symphonic stuff on their discog afterall). As a Eurovision entry, it comes across as even better somewhat, and even slightly more standout, but that might not necessarily work in their favour. Qualification factor: And that’s because they’re absolutely stranded in the semi with too many qualification choices to name. Belgium gets to be a bit quasi-obvious, but they’ve failed with a Hooverphonic-penned song before, plus, the pop girlies of this semi are more likely to eat out a band like this alive, but I wouldn’t exactly say Belgium is doomed to fail either, because I am positive Hooverphonic will think of something. I’m just saying that shocking things can happen every now and then.

INTERNAL CORNER

Well, considering Alex Callier is not running his mouth this time as much as he did so last year’s season, I think it’s safe to say that Hooverphonic have had nothing to write home about.

No, wait...

Well I did mention that Luka got replaced as one of the events that happened to Hooverphonic’s lifetime, but thank God that Alex promised her a solo career, right? Right?

Well, apparently, we’re getting towards it.

And the first lyrics of her first solo forray post-Hooverphonic-vocalist-duties features the lyrics about possibly her making someone “regret it”. Lol now watch this song to be a karma kick into Hooverphonic’s ass if Belgium happens to not qualify this year. Luka forewarned y’all with sharp precision.

Annnnnd that’s pretty much it, besides the band jumping on the trend of turning their entries into a Festivali i Këngës 59 acoustic night European version by presenting their own acoustic version of this track. I did not have the kind of courage to link to the Azerbaijan’s “slow version” on their review in fear of overruning my post even longer than they would usually be for these reviews, but at least it moves people to a certain degree

Well, my question of the days is, does “The Wrong Place” in acoustic make you sad twerk?

ANY LAST WORDS?

Belgium’s big weakness is when it comes to stage their entries, notably for the last two years where the Eurovision actually happened. Sennek was awkwardly put in the middle and succumbed to the curse of Lucie Jones of grimmacing too much and therefore ruining her score in the process, possibly. Eliot was just simply upstaged by the decision to include big drums on stage. Alex Callier acknowledges all that sort of thing, so if anything goes absolutely right and Hooverphonic manage to make it to Rotterdam (which I think they can do because Belgium and Netherlands are neighbours lol? unless their lockdown rules get super strict in May), he should get on to mending all the flaws that Belgium had in the past for staging, and have a spectacular vision. Because it’d be sadly hilariously ironic if Hoovers miss out on the final due to the staging again. Can’t just constantly blame the vocalist - Geike would be flawless live, if Hooverphonic trusted in her for so many years. Can’t blame the song - it’s not too bad. So staging, I guess.

Good luck Hooverphonic, you’ll certainly need it. Also can RTBF consider that they could send anything else from the Wallonian music scene other than The Voice Belgique acts~

[puckngrind]

What’s In a Name: 1 - J Toews

Summary: Bekah heads to the 2015 All-Star game in Columbus where she meets Jon.

Warnings: mentions of break up, swearing, smut

Word count: 3205

Series masterlist ) Puck ‘n Grind’s masterlist

Numb.

Numb was the word Rebekah finally landed on to describe her state of being. She knew it wasn’t grief. She felt that emotion rip through her soul in waves when thinking of her grandfather who passed away two years prior. This wasn’t that or pain and she knew it.

Her boyfriend of the last four years walked into their shared apartment two days after Christmas in 2014 as she was cleaning up the holiday decorations dancing to the N’Sync Christmas album. He announced he was done with their relationship and moving in with his coworker that night. Rebekah had convinced herself that this man was the one she would marry and spend the rest of her life with. Now the cold, numb feeling she felt said maybe that she willed herself to the feelings of wanting to be married and the thoughts of marriage was not due to the actual love she thought they shared.

“You need to eat Bekah.” Brynn shoved eggs and bacon in front of her face. “And we are going back to your place today to remove the asshole’s presence from it. Got it, Bekah?” Her best friend’s hand landed on Bekah’s in that mom kind of way. To be honest, Brynn was kind of like a second mom. She was older but the two hit it off from the moment they met. Brynn was in accounting and Bekah in marketing at a same firm in Columbus, Ohio. They were work wives if you asked those who interacted with them the most.

“Thanks Rin.” Bekah was the only person to call her a nickname which was a running joke since Brynn’s name was chosen specifically because it did not have nicknames. Of course, Bekah found one and Brynn secretly loved watching her mother flinch when she heard it used.

The two headed over to the Bekah’s apartment after breakfast. “Maybe I should just move? Break the lease?” The realization that she would never feel at home again started settling in as she watched Brynn pack up the pictures from over the fireplace and moved towards bedroom.

“You can come live with us until you find a new place. Derek mentioned it in bed last night.” Brynn and Derek were the cutest married couple Bekah knew. “Plus the team is on a roadie so we can have the house to ourselves to burn things if ya want, drink wine, and of course, eat Jeni’s.”

Derek was a trainer for the Columbus Blue Jackets. He traveled with the team which Brynn sort of loved because she could host nights in when he was out of town but hated that he was gone so much. Bekah knew she hated to be alone but would never admit to it. There was a perk Bekah enjoyed from being friends with Brynn and Derek. She was always the one who went to games with her bestie. While Bekah wouldn’t call herself a die hard fan, she loved the atmosphere of the arena. Hockey was something that amazed her for a multitude of reasons. For starters, the way these giant men skated so gracefully while all 5’7” of herself somewhat athletic self could hardly stand on ice skates. Then they hit pucks and opponents so impressive to watch.

“You just need to get back out there.” Brynn handed Bekah a glass of wine while settling into the couch to watch the last game of 2014.

“I don’t know Rin. I kinda think I need to be alone for awhile. Find myself or whatever.” Bekah sipped her wine and took in the game.

“I’m sure Derek could introduce you to one of the single guys on the team.” Brynn nods to the television. “No strings attached there. You know most of them go home for the summer.” Brynn giggled as she watched her best friend’s face contort.

“Holy shit Brynn! No. NO! Talk about awkward. And they are either married or way young, right?” Bekah barked out.

“Well the ones I’m thinking of are all 21 or older...and maybe you just need to get under someone new, that’s all I’m saying.”

“And a pro hockey player is your solution? Like they would even give me the time of day.” Bekah pulled at her french braid then shoved her empty hand deep into her hoodie attempting hide her insecurities. “I’ve been single for what, five days, friend. I don’t need anyone new right now.”

“Well you should see the way some of the boys look at you. Boone comes to mind.” The gasp out of Bekah’s mouth was enough for Brynn. “When you are ready, just let me know.” She eyed her best friend then dropped the topic for now.

January brought a new chapter. Bekah found a place she loved and swore off men for the near future.

“You are coming to the All Star things with me. Derek already got you an all access pass so you cannot say no. He only gets two.” Brynn announced the week before the All-Star break. She tried to convince Bekah to go with them on vacation but Bekah was already feeling like the third wheel in the few weeks since the breakup and said no.

“That sounds fun.” Brynn’s mouth dropped open when Bekah didn’t fight the announcement.

The city was buzzing and finally felt like a hockey town. Bekah picked Brynn up and the two fluttered around the arena district before taking in the activities on the concourse then headed below to go see Derek. The amount of people in the tunnels was crazy but soon the two found Derek. Bekah pointed to a place to meet and wandered off while the couple spoke.

“So are you related to a Jackets player?” A deep voice boomed above Bekah’s head.

“Huh?” Bekah turns and looks up at the tall, handsome man decked out in All-Star gear. She noticed a 19 on his sweatshirt meaning he was a player.

“Your shirt makes me think you are a Columbus fan and since you are down here...I’m assuming you are a relative. Am I wrong?” His serious face cracks into a slight smile.

“Oh! I’m friends with the trainer.” Bekah replies finally pointing into the sea of people.

“Nice. I’m Jon. And you are?” Jon places his hand out to shake Bekah’s hand. She places her hand in his.

“Rebekah. Bekah to most. Nice to meet you.”‘ she looks up into his dark brown eyes. “So, which team do you play for?” She moves her hand out of his and flicks her finger up towards the number.

“Blackhawks.” Their conversation quickly turning into Chicago and how each enjoyed the city. “Well, Beks, I have to go. Can I find you later?” Jon winks while touching her forearm slightly and she nods feeling her cheeks turning pink before he walks off towards the locker room.

“Oh. My...GIRL!” Bekah hears Brynn almost at squeal level as she turns around. “You were just talking to Jonathan...eekkkk!” Brynn does a little dance and her words become incomprehensible.

“He’s nice.” Bekah smiles looking around to see if he’s in view.

“And single!” Brynn coos.

“Don’t Rin.” She gives Brynn a death glare and that just stop look.

“I’m not...just stating a fact. Let’s go find our seats.” Brynn grabs Bekah’s hand and leads her back up to their glass seats.

The skills competition went on and Bekah noticed every chance Jon got he skated towards where she was sitting. He’d wink or nod and then skated back. Just a little “Hey, I see you” before returning to his captain duties.

“I’m not saying anything but I see you two.” Brynn leans into her best friend. Bekah can feel the heat in her cheeks spreading and with his next stop in front of her she tightened her thighs together trying to will away the way he made her entire body tingle in just how he looked over at her. “Let’s head down before the crowd gets up!” Brynn announced at the last commercial break. The two got up and headed down to meet up with Derek.

“So is there a good place to get a drink around here besides my hotel’s bar?” Jonathan leans down into Bekah’s ear making her heart skip a beat and her body jump. “Sorry, did I startle you?” Brynn’s glowing recommendation of him as well as the way he spoke to her caused Bekah to say yes to drinks at a bar around the corner.

Drinks led to standing outside his hotel room. “Jon.” Bekah grabbed his wrist with a confidence she didn’t think she possessed. His gaze moved from the door to her hazel green eyes. “What are you expecting when we go through that door?” His lips pressed together then curled into a smirk.

“No expectations. Promise. Just come in.” He easily broke her grip and wrapped his hand in hers leading them through the door. Bekah wasn’t sure she knew hotel rooms this large even existed in Columbus and she takes in the space and including the large window where she can see the city lights dancing off the Scioto River.

“I’m pretty sure this is larger than my apartment.” She finally slinks out of her jacket and looks over to where Jon has disappeared in the bedroom.

“You live alone?” He comes out pulling on a t-shirt and Bekah catches the gasp is her throat with the glimpse of his abs.

“Uh, yeah. Fuck. Yes. Sorry. Recently dumped.” She fiddles with her hair and looks for the closest chair before her legs give out.

“I’d say I’m sorry about the break up but I’m not.” Jon places his arms on either side of the chair Bekah just sat in flexing while leaning in. “His loss...my gain.” He presses his lips on her forehead before retreating to the couch across the sitting room. “So what do you do for a living?”

“Marketing. I’d ask you but...” Bekah giggles feeling herself relax while looking up at Jon’s serious face. “I do have some questions about your job.”

“Open book.” Jon opens his hands to a motion her to continue.

“How long have you played in the NHL? Same team? Like your captain?” The line of questions made Jon crack a smile.

“Started in 2007. Always with the Blackhawks. And his nickname is Captain Serious.” Jon pulls his lips together like he does in interviews and looks over at the gorgeous woman who seems to be processing the information.

“Captain Serious huh? Sounds fun.” Bekah crosses her legs cursing her body for the feelings pulsing throughout. “How often are you in Columbus?”

“Once a season. We only play them twice. Played them in December and then they play in Chicago in March I think.”

“Nice. Well, I think I’ve sobered up enough and you have an All-Star game tomorrow.” Bekah abruptly states and starts for the door. Jon quickly catches her hips and stops her dead in her tracks.

“What just happened there? We were talking and then your shoulders wiggled and you announced you are suddenly leaving.” Jon holds Bekah firm in his grasp. His gaze moves from her soft dark golden brown locks framing her face to her eyes which told him her actions and her desire were fighting. Lightly pushing Bekah’s loose hair behind her ear he looks deep in her eyes. She blinks trying to stay focused on her thoughts that she was leaving.

“I don’t know. My heart tells me one thing and my body is telling me another. And my mind says I should kill Rin for even taking me tonight.” Bekah looks down and notices how close their bodies are.

“Who’s Rin?” Jon pulls her body even closer.

“My best friend. Redhead I was sitting with. Her husband is the trainer, Derek.” Bekah breathes out.

“So that’s who I have to thank?” Jon runs his fingers over Bekah’s arm and across her collarbone pulling her chin up to look back at him. “I won’t make you stay but I also don’t want you to leave. No expectations is true. We also can do whatever here tonight and then you don’t have to see me again if you don’t want to.”

“One night stands aren’t my thing...well...actually I’ve never had one before but I’m assuming they aren’t.” Bekah’s admission makes Jon laugh which she feels throughout her entire body.

“Well, it doesn’t have to be a one night thing...and I’m not a one night stand person either Beks. Can I kiss you and start from there?” Jon’s thumb runs across her cheek and he feels the twitch pulsating from his briefs.

“Yes.” Bekah hardly spoke before Jon’s lips were on her’s and she deepens it as she stepped into him placing her hands in his chest clutching at his shirt. His hands coming up and holding the small of her back and the cradling her neck. She felt him growing between their bodies. Breaking for air Bekah huffs out, “How do I turn you on?” The admission was self doubt about how average looking she felt and how damn sexy he was.

“Beks, you are fucking gorgeous!” Jon kisses her again and she shakes him off. “No really. Distracting as hell when I was trying to be a captain of the team tonight. Please tell me you aren’t sitting that close tomorrow. My team needs to win this thing.”

“You think I’m gorgeous?” Bekah fumbles on the words before Jon’s lips were on her again.

“Yes, and I’d like to show you how gorgeous you are if you just stay.” He starts shuffling their attached bodies towards the bedroom.

“I’m not doing the walk to shame tomorrow.” She starts moving her feet with his.

“You can borrow sweats so I’m guaranteed to see you again.” With that Jon placed her body on the bed. “Now can we get rid of some of these clothes?” His finger tips run along the inside of the hem of her sweatshirt. The slight nod she gave him was enough for him to discard both of their shirts. He made his way down to his knees pulling her jeans off slowly leaving Bekah in her light blue matching bra and panties. The sight made him jump into action. “Fuck you are even more beautiful.” She bats her eyelashes at the compliment.

“You are very...very....fit.” She runs her hands down his abs and he chuckles. “Handsome. Well both. Damnit I’m bad at this. I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t and don’t be.” Jon pulls her leg up and kisses down to her knee pulling his sweats off with the other hand. Her eyes widen when she sees how stained his boxer briefs are. “See. Definitely doing something right.” He nips at the meaty part of her thigh and she flops her body on the bed. “Does that mean I can continue Beks?”

“Yes.” She places her hands over her face as Jon’s fingers pull at her panties moving them down her legs exposing her core to him. He kisses back up and lands on her clit. Bekah moans out of the relief and Jon laughs while moving his tongue to elicit more noises out of her. His fingers slide in and curl causing Bekah’s hand to fly up into his hair.

“Tell me if you don’t like something, m’kay?” He pulls up to move her legs onto his shoulders and her body further into him.

“It feels amazing. It’s just been awhile.” She admits as he continues his pumping in and out while scissoring his fingers to stretch her out.

“We’ll go as slow as you want. Promise.” He kisses her clit again and sucks causing an orgasm to rip through Bekah’s body. She moans out his name and he moves away.

“Don’t stop. Fuck. Don’t stop.” She lifts up to look down at him. Face glistening and a look of accomplishment from how quickly he was able to make her come unglued.

“So maybe not that slow.” Jon returns to licking through her folds and is stopped by Bekah’s hand tightening in his hair.

“Can you...I don’t know how to...never mind.”

“No, talk to me. Sex is better when you talk. Where to you want me?”

“Inside of me. I want you up here.” Bekah feels the heat returning to her face as she made her request. “Unless you want me to...” she eyed his briefs again as Jon stands.

“No, I definitely want to fuck you now.” He climbs onto the bed and pushes both of their bodies up the bed freeing himself of the last piece of clothing. “May I?” He pulls at the strap of her bra and Bekah arches her back to allow him to pull it off with easy. Kissing her breasts and then her lips Jon grunts. “Ready?” He leans up as she nods for him to inch into her core. Bekah’s back arches as Jon lowers himself inside. She would never admit to anyone how long it’s been since she’s had sex and it felt so good to have his weight on top of her. Bekah wraps her legs around him and Jon finds a rhythm that makes both of them moan with each thrust. Then it happened. Both reaching their highs in unison. A slew of swears mixed with praises drop out of Jon’s lips then he collapses on top of Bekah.

“Wow. How did that happen?” Bekah huffs out while her fingers run across Jon’s sweaty shoulders and across his lips.

“How did what happen?” Jon’s chest moves in and out trying to even his breathing.

“We...together...” she breathes out.

“You’ve never climaxed with someone? Together?” Jon pulls up and takes in Bekah’s blissed out yet confused look.

“I’m just gonna shut up now.” Bekah’s hand flies over her eyes.

“No. Remember, sex is better when you talk. And we aren’t done.” Jon moves her hand and flexes his abdomen sending shock waves through Bekah’s body.

“So, no.” Bekah whispers. “I’ve never orgasmed at the same time as my partner. That was amazing feeling. You are amazing.”

“You are too. Trust me. Fucking amazing.” His lips ghost her skin as he rolls off of her. “Beks, so good.”

“You are the only person who has ever called me that which is funny.” She kisses the top of his head as he rests on her chest.

“Yeah. Why is it funny?” His fingers walk down her hip.

“Because I do the same thing. Make up nicknames for people.” He laughs at her admission. “Rin for example is Brynn. I’m the only person who calls her Rin. Not even her husband calls her anything besides pet names and Brynn.” Jon feels Bekah’s body relax and he smiles.

“And do I get a nickname then?” He kisses her stomach.

“Maybe. It’s more of an organic thing. With time.”

“More time. I see. Then can you come back here tomorrow too? After the game?” He looks up at Bekah.

“Yeah I guess that would make this not a one night stand, huh?” Bekah’s lips turn up and Jon laughs loudly.

“Yeah.” He rolls her over on top of him. “Definitely not one at all.”

[amylillian22]

What If I Never Get Over You (Part 1) - Chris Evans Imagine

Summary: Y/N’s performing with her band for the first after their long hiatus. It’s also the first time performing since her break up with long time boyfriend, Chris Evans. Everything goes smoothly until she sees Chris Evans in the crowd right before she sings a song she wrote about him.

Word Count: 1,807

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader, Cody Christian x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of heartbreak

Author’s Note: Based on Lady A’s “What If I Never Get Over You” (Click on the title to listen to the song on YouTube.

Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to the song - which are in Bold & Italic - and belong to the song writers, Jon Green, Laura Veltz, Ryan Hurd, and Sam Ellis.

[Part 2] /// [Part 3]

I pulled the curtain back a little bit, letting me catch a small glimpse of the small crowd tonight. People were sitting and talking amongst themselves as they waited for us to start the show. My eyes flickered to the table I had reserved for my boyfriend and two of my closest friends, who were all laughing. My boyfriend, Cody Christian, turned in my direction and his eyes immediately locked with mine. He smiled and mouthed, "good luck. I love you."

I smiled back at him. "Love you too," I mouthed back.

"Hey, we're about to go on stage," Dave said. "You ready?"

"Whoa! Are you okay?" Charles asked. "You look a bit nervous."

"I'm fine," I swallowed the tightness in my throat, hoping my nerves would also go away. "I mean this is the first time we perform together in a couple of years. Not to mention, we're doing an acoustic show for our new album. I'd say 'nervous' is an understatement," I slightly lied to my band mates.

All of that is true. Our band, Lady Antebellum, took a couple of years off due to weddings, children being born, and me dealing with the hardest heartbreak I'd had ever experienced.

Chris Evans was the love of my life. We dated for 7 years before he broke up with me 4 years ago. We were high school sweethearts. I saw his career explode once he became Captain America. He was there when Lady Antebellum started in Charles' garage and slowly turned into a platinum recording, award winning country band. We supported each other. I tried my best to attend most of his premiere events. I always left a concert ticket for him at Will Call when my band was playing in a city he was filming. We made it work. We fell in love and I swore he was the one.

"Hello, everybody!" The announcer spoke through the speakers, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Welcome to a very special night. Not only is this a one of a kind acoustic show, but Lady Antebellum has also decided to record tonight's show for an acoustic album, which will be released before the holidays."

The crowd cheered and clapped at the surprise announcement. I took a deep breath as Charles handed me my microphone. I plugged in my In-Ear monitor plugs and closed my eyes, taking it all in.

"Please welcome to the stage, Lady Antebellum!"

The curtains pulled up. I forced a smile as several spotlights hit us, not letting me see most of the crowd. I looked to the far left, my eyes immediately landed on Cody. He didn't like that I picked the furtherest table to the side. He wanted front row seats, but I needed to see him. I needed him there in case I got nervous. I needed to be able to see him, knowing he would put me at ease.

"Hello, Boston!" Charles said over his mic as he sat down on his bar stool.

"How are we doing tonight?" I asked and sat in my bar stool next to Charles. I made myself comfortable as the crowed hollered with excitement.

Dave's fingers started moving on the piano. "We hope you enjoy this piano and acoustic show tonight."

Over the next hour, we sang our new songs and talked in between almost every song. We either talked about how the song came about or talked to the crowd. We let some of them ask us a couple of questions. It went smooth sailing. I had forgotten how much I loved singing and performing in front of a crowd. I was ready to hit the road in a couple of weeks and get back to singing in sold-out arena shows.

"Y/N, do you kind of want to tell the crowd about our last song of the night?" Charles asked me. He grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, knowing I would need some support.

I looked over at Cody, and he gave me a small nod. I knew he was telling me it was okay. Although he knows I love him, he also knew the story about this next painful song.

I took a deep breath. "We have all experienced heartbreak at some point. I thought I did until the last breakup I went through. It's no secret who I dated in the past and when that happened, I was in a very dark and miserable hole. I know some of y'all were devastated when we took a break from the band, but I needed that time to heal, mend, put the pieces back together to try and get back the person I used to be.

"So, after a few months, I grabbed a pen and some paper, and everything I felt, thought, and wanted to say came flowing out," I finished.

"When she showed us the lyrics..." Dave trailed, "I was blown away. I could feel the emotions and rawness with every line. Charles and I were there for Y/N, and we thought we knew what she was going through," he shook his head. "We didn't know to what extent until we read the song. You could feel what Y/N was going through. Its painful, yet relatable, even if you've never experienced a painful heartbreak."

"When I got home after Y/N showed us the lyrics, I hugged my wife. I was internally grateful she has never broke my heart and wanted to spend her life with me forever," Charles added.

"Heartbreak is never easy," I said. "But it doesn't last forever. Always remember there is a flicker of hope, even in the darkest places," I smiled looking at Cody.

Dave started playing "What If I Never Get Over You" on the piano. Charles pulled the microphone to his lips and sang the first verse.

It's supposed to hurt, it's a broken heart But the moving on is the hardest part It comes in waves, the letting go

My eyes flickered back to Cody, getting ready to sing the chorus. Except, my eyes landed on the man sitting alone at the table behind Cody. My heart dropped to my stomach as I hadn't seen him in years. Truthfully, I wasn't expecting him to come. I didn't tell him either, but old habits die hard. I had left 2 tickets at Will Call for him.

When did he get here? Has he been here since the beginning of the show? Did he purposely sit behind Cody, knowing I would see him? I thought to myself.

"But the memory fades, everybody knows, everybody knows," Charles must have known I was distracted, because he grabbed my hand once more and squeezed it, signaling me to sing the chorus with him.

What if I'm trying, but then I close my eyes and then I'm right back Lost in that last goodbye, what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you?

I took a deep breath and fought against the tears that were starting to form in my eyes as I sang my verse.

Maybe months go by, maybe years from now And I meet someone and it's working out Every now and then, he can see right through 'Cause when I look at him, yeah, all I see is you

I closed my eyes, seeing flashbacks of my relationship with Chris. All happy memories of us laughing, traveling, stealing kisses, having fun together, and loving each other. I felt a tear drop sliding down my cheek as I sang the chorus again with the guys.

What if I'm trying, but then I close my eyes and then I'm right back Lost in that last goodbye, what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you?

I finally opened my eyes, my vision completely blurry. I fought the tightness in my throat, hoping my voice wouldn't crack while singing. I looked at Charles as we took turns singing lines with the next verse, matching our harmonies together at the end.

What if I never get over? What if I never get closure? What if I never get back all the wasted words I told you? What if it never gets better? What if this lasts forever and ever and ever, I'm tryin'

Dave's fingers stopped moving along the piano when I stopped singing. The entire crowd was dead silent; you could hear a pin drop. I could see a couple of the fans with sad looks on their faces. I looked over and saw Chris' eyes filled with tears. I closed my eyes and I was right back to the moment that broke me.

"I can't do this anymore," Chris said. "You're an amazing person, but-"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, unable to finish the sentence as if that would kill me and not his first sentence, 'I can't do this anymore'.

"I'm sorry," he said, leaving me in the pouring rain with no explanation and a broken heart.

I slowly opened my eyes and wiped away the fallen tears with the back of my hand. It hurts. Singing this song, especially with Chris in the crowd, it was like my wound had been reopened again and I hated it. I didn't want to feel this way. I don't want to be reminded of all the good and bad memories. How is it possible to still feel this way years later?

I bit my lip and nodded, signaling the boys I was ready to finish the last verse. I closed my eyes as I sang the first note.

But then I close my eyes and then I'm right back Lost in that last goodbye, what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do? What if I never get over you?

What if I gave you everything I got What if your love was my one and only shot What if I end up with nothing to compare it to What if I never get over you?

I opened my eyes. I stood up from my bar stool and walked off the stage as the crowded clapped. I rushed passed the announcer, down the side stairs, and made it out to the floor. My eyes stayed focus on one person as I made my way through his table. Chris swallowed hard, noticing I was headed towards his direction.

I stopped in front of Cody, who immediately stood up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. With my eyes never once leaving Chris', I whispered in Cody's ear, "please don't ever leave me. I can't go through this again."

Chris got up and left without looking back at me. I closed my eyes, letting more tears fall as I sniffled. Cody held me close, tight, yet so gentle; reassuring me he would never hurt me like Chris had in the past.

[animeraider]

My Kevin Gilbert Story, and my latest single.

As some of you know I’ve had a few brushes with the “big break” that many in my line of work crave. I was signed to a major label in the early 1990s, and the record I turned in was shelved. The label wanted me to be the “next Michael Penn” and by that point not even Mr. Penn was interested in that, let alone me. I had three songs picked up for a movie, which was never released. I got out of my record contract and signed with another label, releasing an album that included 5 songs from the one that was shelved. The label put no money behind it. I had a big hit in 2009 and signed a European distribution deal, which fell apart when the married couple who ran the business fell into a messy divorce. I sold thousands and thousands of records in Eastern Europe – which were being sold by pirates. It took several years to get that fixed.

I had an audition that everyone felt I was a lock for to play keyboards for a Japanese band that had a huge following. My flight to the audition was supposed to be September 12, 2001. I actually watched the plane I was supposed to board land as it was the last flight grounded. I’ve done some engineering and performing I don’t get to tell anyone about – the NDA’s are pretty strong. One of my songs became the theme to a German Television show.

But let me tell you the story of a relationship I almost had with a multi-Grammy-winning star who soared high and made it further than I have, whose song I have made a cover of and released as a single today.

So where to begin. First of all, yes, I knew Kevin Gilbert. No, we weren’t friends, but we were colleagues and classmates. We performed together a few times – all of if school related. That’s it. Oh, and he invited me to a jam session he was going to have once and I turned him down. I’ll get to that.

Believe it or not, I have to tell this story starting in the middle. There was once a band called Toy Matinee. I loved that band. Clever songs, well written melodies, a sense of darkness and a sense of fun. It was a band that me and my roommate Max could agree on and we cranked that album loud and often. We went and saw them live at the Troubadour in Los Angeles, and were about 10 feet from the stage. This is NOT the live album released in 1999, but I can tell you they rocked the place that night. Played almost every song from the album, and did an encore of Elton John’s “Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding” that smoked.

A great night.

Now I jump into the past, to tell the tale of the UCLA Synthesizer Ensemble. It was the brainchild of Professor Roger Bourland, who at the time was only in his 2nd year as a professor at the school and would later become dean of the department. He searched out the most rock and roll musicians in what was mostly a stuffy classical music department. Me. Dave Koz. Joel Harnel. And this kid named Kevin. The five of us took another student’s source material and arranged up a musical. Straight musical theater and full of schlock, and all performed on synthesizers. We eventually put on four shows, with the five of us in the orchestra pit. I wrote the show-stopper ballad and a Latin inspired piece. I hate to say it, but I no longer remember what everyone else did, although I remember Dave mostly for his EWI playing and Joel for multiple reasons – including the fact that he wrote and arranged all of the drum parts.

I knew Joel fairly well – we had played together a few times and he was even more rock and roll than me, with more experience. Dave Koz was, even then, Dave Koz. The only saxophonist I had met up to that point in my life who was better than me. We had played in jazz bands together but he was already a rising star. When he beat me for the gig with Richard Marx’s touring band his career just took off – but all this was before then. I was one of Roger Bourland’s students – in fact, I had been in the “test” classroom when he had auditioned for his job.

I barely knew this Kevin kid. I was constantly getting his name wrong – for whatever reason my brain had him wired as Kevin Anderson.

My only real interaction with him outside of this 12-week experiment was down in the practice rooms. Many of these rooms had pianos in them and on any given day you could hear Mozart, Brahms, Chopin and all of the other usual suspects. I would go and write my own material and be pounding out rock and roll. Kevin did that too. Once while in the middle of the writing process for the musical he came into my practice room while I was working on a song in the style of Elton John. He invited me to a jam session the next Tuesday he was going to, and I declined. Tuesday was when MY band practiced, and as their lead guitarist I needed the practice.

That was the end of it. After the musical was over we all drifted our separate ways and for the most part didn’t run into each other again. I ran into Dave once at a music festival in San Francisco and he introduced me to Clarence Clemmons, which was pretty damned cool.

By now you’ve figured out that Kevin was Kevin Gilbert. Congratulations. I hadn’t. For many years to follow I would remember him as Kevin Anderson.

Now I’ve told you all of this so that you understand that this is long BEFORE Max and I went to see Toy Matinee in concert. I became a fan of the band without knowing that Kevin was its leader. I was ten feet away from him, performing for an hour. I had performed with him myself.

I didn’t recognize him. Nothing clicked in my brain that this was the same guy. I didn’t put two and two together. I rolled for my intelligence check and got a one.

Kevin Gilbert would go on to a solo career, win seven Grammys for his work with Madonna, be part of the driving musical force behind Sheryl Crow’s first album, become one of the founders of the Tuesday Night Music Club, and become one of my songwriting heroes. The man could paint a picture with very few words and his musical ability was enviable.

And then he died; a victim of his own vices. I’m not going to go into that here – I know nothing at all and can shed no light on the subject.

Several years later I relocated to San Francisco with my family. I discovered the band Giraffe once I was on their home turf, and of course discovered the fact that Kevin Gilbert had been their leader when he was a teenager. BEFORE I knew him. Giraffe was a pretty damned good band that had come so startlingly close to making it big – their albums are worth hunting down and they did a fantastic live rendition of Genesis’ “Lamb Lies Down on Broadway” (the full album mind you) that is lots of fun.

I was looking for a recording studio for my second album when I ran across a man named Steve Smith who owned a recording studio down the peninsula from where I was living. In his bio, he briefly mentioned that he was the drummer for Giraffe. Awesome. On his web site of the time if you dug in a little bit there was a bio of Kevin Gilbert, and he talked about the brief time he spent at UCLA.

Parts of the story looked and felt awfully familiar to me. Smith talked about the musical without mentioning the name, and again, it felt familiar. Me being slightly brave, I wrote an e-mail to him to ask what was the title of that musical and that I might have been involved in it. He confirmed it for me.

Holy crap.

All of the pieces started falling into place then. The rehearsals, our discussions about piano playing, that I went to one of his shows and failed to recognize him? The fact that I think he invited me to come join the FUCKING TUESDAY NIGHT MUSIC CLUB and I didn’t even fucking notice!?!!?!!?!!?

I’m an idiot.

Actually, in looking back at the timeline I don’t think he invited me to join TNMC. That came a couple of years later – I think. I’m never going to know for certain. If he had told any of the other members I don’t know about it. I’ve exchanged about a dozen words with one of the other members over social media but we certainly don’t know one another.

I wonder if he saw me in the audience that night and laughed. I will never know. I can tell you there is an album version of that night you can listen to and/or buy. A then-unknown Sheryl Crow played keyboards in the band, dressed up like a dominatrix biker chick. When I found out about that later I was amazed – I didn’t recognize her either.

I’m an idiot.

Nick D’Virgilio of Spock’s Beard played drums. I don’t remember the name of the bass player but what I remember is this man with the thickest eyebrows I have ever seen in my life. Marc Bonilla played lead guitar. Oh, the people I could have met.

I never did work in Steve Smith’s studio. I no longer remember why.

When I was working on my third album in my newly built home studio I recorded a number of covers and one of those was Kevin Gilbert’s “Tea For One”. It’s a fantastic song of unrequited love and missed chances told from start to finish in only a few dozen words. I have no idea if he would have liked what I did to his song – he had a wicked sense of humor that I can recall now but I never got to know him on a personal level as a songwriter, which was my mistake. I could have but I was so focused on myself in those days that even if the overtures were made I probably didn’t even notice.

I recorded the song in what I called "Garage Pop" during those days. A bit uneven, imperfect vocals - what you might get from a band practicing in their garage instead of a polished studio version. If you want that, I recommend hunting down his version.

But I recorded “Tea for One” just the same – it’s a great song and I’d like to think I gave it some justice – even if it doesn’t come close his version. It was on the original version of my third album "The Long Goodbye", which I released myself, but was cut when the album was moved to digital streaming services (In all fairness, I cut 21 songs from the original release – which was a 2 CD set).

My music career has been dark for several years, but it got jump started in 2020 in the middle of the pandemic and I’ve been revisiting a lot of my unreleased work since, and of all the covers I did this is still my favorite. I am releasing it now, in tribute to a musician I admire and could have called friend if I had just paid a bit of attention.

The guy holding the roses was me, as it turns out. I had no idea.

+++++++++++++++++

For those of you with very long memories you should listen to the full single on Spotify, because I’ve thrown in a little bonus for people who remember the 1980’s band ASK. Just a little piece of a little ditty written by me, Kevin Donville and Ed Lee.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Here’s some messy not fully formed thoughts... I’m just thinking about Harry and Louis’ songs that have multiple meanings. I’m including songs where they explicitly stated that (habit being about Louis relationship with performing and a relationship with a girl), songs where it is reasonably obvious in the text (kill my mind about a hookup and drugs; Carolina about a girl and cocaine; She about longing for an ideal impossible woman and being genderqueer), and songs where my view of what’s going on in their lives leads me to see two meanings (WMI about Eleanor/the fans - yes I’m still baffled that Louis is pretending this song has anything to do with fans and if that was his true intent it spectacularly failed to work for me - and also Harry; WMS about eating pussy and eating ass; basically all of Louis’ love songs). I’ll include Only Angel and Woman (being about a woman object versus exploring gender identity) in here too because lots of people see a double meaning there even though I really only see the woman as an object version. I’ll throw cherry in the ring just for you too (end of relationship with Camille and end of relationship with Nick).

Anyways, for Harry’s songs which have multiple interpretations, I find I can only really enjoy most of them through one lens. Carolina about cocaine? A bop. She being about exploring gender identity? Beautiful and meaningful to me. But when I think about the overt meaning of these songs, I find them really unlikable. I’m very offput by Carolina, Woman, only angel, She and many of his other songs if you take them at face value because they are all depicting an ideal woman through a mans view and I’m annoyed by it lol. There are some exceptions here - I do not need to add a queer lens or drug metaphor to cherry/fine line/WMS to enjoy them or have them resonate with me.

For Louis’ songs, although I find myself overlaying a queer lens to most of his love songs, I am able to enjoy them at face value. Some of his songs feel less meaningful/slightly boring if about a straight relationship, but at least they don’t objectify women or center a man’s gaze. Always you remains a great song, as is too young, WMI, walls. I really like Habit being about either performing or a girl (Louis did say in an interview this was both and said the word girl) and it doesn’t take away from the song for me. None of his lyrics make me feel icky like woman/OA/kiwi/Carolina/She. Is it because the other person in Louis’ songs feels like a subject with agency and rarely an object? I’ll say the exception here is perfect now, but that’s a whole other post. IDK.

Also I did not mean to make this a competition, I actually think FL is the best album of the three and HS1 the worst. And yes I realize putting She as obvious in it’s double meaning might be a stretch due to my bias.

TL;DR if you look at all of Louis’ songs through a straight lens, many of them are boring (and hence did not get great critics reviews) but at least they are not actively insulting to women. Whereas many, many of Harry’s are. So I can ONLY enjoy Harry’s music through a queer lens for the most part.

Thanks for your thoughts anon. The phrasing of this has hit a beserker button for me, so I'm going to talk about it a little bit. Not because I think it's relevant to your points, but because it's something that's been bugging me in the discourse for ages.

I really struggle with the claim that the multiple meanings you give of either She or Carolina are 'fairly clear in the text'. (I'd give you KMM or MMITH - both of which are part of the long tradition of love as drug and durgs as love).

I think that what happened with Carolina is that some fans didn't like the text of the song and so decided to give it another meaning. That's fine - that's part of the process of understanding art. But the claim that textually there's anything more going on than that is a huge leap, and not one I've ever seen a convincing argument before.

Somewhat differently, I think it's much more useful to talk about gender feelings being possible subtexts to She, than an alternate meaning. The important point of about subtext is that the text is still there, and nobody would suggest reading the subtext and ignoring the text.

There's a certain sort of fan discourse which assumes that meaning is binary and one meaning cancels the other out and I find it absolutely infuriating. The surface meanings of all these songs are there and are all part of the art and while individual fans don't have to engage with that, that's different from denying they exist. You're not doing that, but I've read enough stuff like that to be infuriated with that I really wanted to unpick the different ways songs can be about multiple things.

What I think is really interesting about your ask - is that you kind of present it is a choice - that fans make a decision about how to understand songs. And I think that's true (although I think how people do that can really differ).

************

I think what really interesting is the process whereby fans make meaning from the songs. And there are multiple meanings to all songs, because that's sort of the whole point - that there are lots of ways to enjoy and experience them. And taking these different meanings and lenses is part of being a fan.

And I think the idea I ended up most interested in, after I'd written that last anon was that question of identification and songs. 'This song is speaking directly to me and my experience' is obviously one very powerful mode that someone can experience a song. But it is one of many - 'I enjoy this story' is another, 'I enjoy this perspective from this artist' and 'I'd like this song to be sung about me' is another.

And in the case of a 1D members it's all really gendered. Because they're male artists singing for an overwhelmingly female audience.

Like you - I find the depiction of women in Harry's songs really offputting. What I'm interested in is if there's any connection between that and the fact that his songs seem to me not to be written in a position where they're seeking identification. And also that identification is a less important way that fans respond to his songs in general. I think looking at Harry it's tempting to draw connections between the two, but they may actually be very different processes.

With Louis the question comes from the other side - I think his fans do identify with him and his songs. Does the depiction of whoever he's talking to (which isn't usually explicitly gendered) play a role in that? I don't know. Do the people Louis is talking to feel like a person with agency? I'm not even sure about that. (For just a small Perfect Now detour - I do think that the person in that song has agency and a perspective. It's just that I want to say to the narrator 'Other people's trauma is not about you. Your feelings are not that important. Shut up!')

I guess what I'm interesting in hearing about (including from you if you want to come back) is those different kinds of resonance and how people relate to different songs.

[harrysdimples]

folklore track by track review

the 1: love me a piano intro. oh this guitar?? swearing in the first 5 seconds? I like these lyrics. never bleed????????? hmm.................it would’ve been you.............I..............it would’ve been fun if you were the one.........bruv..........dare I say it...............am I just clowning.....or like.......................is she....ya know.......talking about........you know.......h****?? oh these vocals ! bruv I don’t care this is about harry because I say so afhdjssa. I really love this production and her vocals, it already sounds so much more mature than lover and it’s only the opener, feels like a more-mature version of a deep cut on red. excellent start!

cardigan: oh this percussion?? the piano?? her voice sounds fab. is this about the met? black lipstick? or bleachella? her VOCALS bruv sound 10x better than anything on lover?? I love these lyrics omg. THIS IS SO GOOD. HEARTBEAT ON THE HIGH LINE ONCE IN TWENTY LIFETIMES. this so good?? try to change the ending peter losing wendy?? leaving like a father running like water????? I love this so much omg. the atmospheric vocal...the percussion....the lyrics.....the piano......LAV IT. I can’t get over how already this is more lyrically dense than lover and reputation but I ain’t complaining!! I’m both surprised and not surprised that they went with this for the single from this era but I really like it, it feels like it would fit right at home in the NFR tracklist.

the last great american dynasty: love these strings?? omg the beat? is this political? hmm I like the lyrics of the verses but i’m not 100% feeling the lyrics/structure of the chorus, feels a little like she’s trying to fit too many words into the line, but I love the storytelling aspect of it and it’ll probably grow on me. it’s like a grown-up version of starlight or the lucky one. Is this supposed to be like an alternate version of what taylor’s life could’ve been like? or am I just completely misinterpreting that lmao?

exile ft. bon iver: like this piano intro. love bon iver. oh the birds in the background?? ooft these lyrics....brutal. is this about calvin? is that a kazoo? afjdshjsa I promise i’m not trying to be like this but like......this is very......hm. I really love his voice. the bridge is really pretty with both their voices. I can see myself staring dramatically outside the window listening to this when we’re allowed to properly go back outside lmao. very nice and pretty, it’ll probably hit harder later on than my first listen but I like it. 

my tears ricochet: this a-cappella intro? oh this is sad :( what a ghostly scene....................................I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace :( oh this buildup?? I still talk to you........omg these atmospheric vocals I. LOVE. I need to read the lyrics on my next few listens to this but I really like it so far.

mirrorball: this feels like the outro in a coming of age 80s movie. love the soft guitars. oh these vocals! I know she didn’t mean to but when she signs tallest it sounds like she’s saying toilet to me lmao. jack’s atmospheric vocals!!! yes!!! the bridge is really beautiful. all I do is try, try, try. I’m just trying to get you to look at me :( I do have to say, while I love how lyrically dense this album is and reflective it is in comparison to her last few albums, the instrumentation doesn’t change a whole lot throughout these songs on first listen, it’s more that atmospheric vocals/sounds are built on top of it, which is fine, but I think they’ll benefit a lot from me listening to them outside the context of the album. love the meaning behind this though and I think it’s really beautiful.

seven: (this is when I stopped doing live reactions and instead went for post track reactions) Is it weird to say that this did better at the “love letter to love” concept meant for lover than lover did? this song feels more like for her legacy/future family and how she’s grown than as an active, present moment which is nice. I will say while I did love NFR when it came out, it also hit a wall with me eventually where it needed some breathing space or something to break up the sections of the album (which harry does actually quite well) and I feel like we’re hitting that point (if we haven’t already). I’m always slightly apprehensive about long albums like this which is why I said this will benefit from listening outside the context of the album. 

august: I’m really curious as to who this is about lmao. but this was excellent in the progression of the track and the buildup/atmosphere and dynamics of the track, this was what I was wanting a bit more with songs like exile and it did great at building a different sonic landscape which is what was needed in the album imo. one of my favourite tracks so far.

this is me trying: this is very...wistful and reflective. a hybrid of the archer and I wish you would to me. “I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere, Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here” is a LYRIC bruv. feels reminiscent of what she said in the miss americana documentary about how you’re stunted in your growth when you become famous at a young age and you fall behind the emotional development of most people around you, which is really interesting. “Pouring out my heart to a stranger, But I didn't pour the whiskey” is that supposed to be like a metaphor for stopping herself from saying too much all the time because she knows it could get out/be perceived in a certain way? either way, these are some great lyrics. “you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town” hmmm.....

illicit affairs: I LOVE THIS. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. I have nothing else to add. this is fantastic. favourite track so far. amazing. 10/10.

invisible string: this song is really sweet lol I wish I was in love with someone to relate more to this. very referential to her work as a whole and I liked the more stripped down production.

man this is a long album lol

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVER. scream. this is very lana-fied lmao. I wish she did a little more with the electric guitar in the back though, imagine this more being soft-rock? so this is definitely about scott and scooter right? I do like this but it does feel very sonically similar to some of the tracks we’ve heard so far and I wish she had switched it up a little to fit the excellent lyricism of this song, more guitar would’ve really elevated the song imo. 

epiphany: lol I got a bit emotional listening to this, I can already tell i’m going to listen to this at night and cry lmao. I have a massive fear of death/the unknown and this song sort of touched on that concept to me and I really liked the production. this feels like it should be in a movie soundtrack or in like, grey’s anatomy. the heartbeat-like sound in the outro? beautiful. this is the sort of concepts I’ve been wanting from taylor for a while now and the execution of this was really good imo. 

betty: ms swift it’s okay to be gay. the elaborate-ness of putting yourself in the position of a man just to say you liked a girl. how are the kaylors/gaylors holding out lmao this is a nice story (like an upgraded version of ybwm) but I can’t get over how effectively no-homo this is lmao. the key change? love story wishes. oh the wistfullness to be young......and in looooOOOOoooOOove.

peace: love the guitar in the intro. this gives me another more grown up perspective of a song on melodrama? I love her vocals in this. I feel like i’ve said this about 40 times already but the atmospheric sounds....chef’s kiss. 

hoax: the closer. the LYRICISM bitch. “your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in” shut up :( the bridge is gorgeous. I’m not sure how I feel about it as the closer though, it ties up the themes of the album pretty well but I almost feel peace would’ve been a better closer? still really gorgeous though.

okay. overall thoughts. top 3 albums of taylor’s discography for me along with 1989 and red. It did feel long towards the end though and I still think her problem is editing and streamlining her projects which is why I think 1989 (as her best album for that) and red (while being longer than this has enough songs to break up the album so it’s not monotonous for the listener) rank above this for me at the moment, but that could change. If I were her, I would’ve taken out invisible string and possibly betty and seven to have as deluxe tracks. her lyricism is better on this album than both reputation and lover combined, she really did that in like 4 months. I will need more time with it as I always do with taylor’s projects but it was the album she needed in my opinion. I think part of the reason I disliked lover and to a lesser extent, reputation, was because they didn’t come across as if she needed to write them like her other projects, but more projects she felt she should to write because that was where the narrative of her public image was forcing her to go, this feels like a return to form, even if I would tweak a few things. the visuals for this album have all been great (her best album cover after 1989 imo) and I think it benefitted a lot from going into it with next to no expectations, without a single or anything and I hope she continues to just do whatever, rather than painstakingly plan marketing surrounding an album and just allow her talent to speak for itself. really good. favourite tracks are probably: illicit affairs, the 1, cardigan, epiphany and mirrorball. least favourite are probably: invisible string, seven and maybe betty too. i’d rate it about 8/10 at the moment. also: ****** never dies.

[unadulterated-strawberryniall]

Normal People, Abnormal Jobs. [Chapter 3]

Normal People, Abnormal Jobs. Relationships in the entertainment industry are never easy. Scheduling is nearly impossible, paparazzi hound you down every date, and everyone seems to weigh in their opinion. Is it possible to have a soulmate with such a demanding career?

Loosely inspired by the 2020 Hulu drama, Normal People, this story explores the possibility of finding true love in a world motivated by reputation, scandal, and money. Touching on themes of love, mental health, and adulthood, Normal People, Abnormal Jobs navigates how two musicians from opposing worlds maneuver a destiny that consistently pulls them together. It’s challenging, yes, but if it’s true love, it’s worth it.

Chapter 1. Chapter 2.

The next few weeks passed in a blur. News of my performance had made the rounds, and Shane made sure my exposure didn’t die down in the slightest. I’d been traveling around the country, making radio and television performances, performing pop up shows, and hosting meet and greets with fans I hadn’t seen in too long. Lucky for me, having a packed schedule was enough to keep my mind occupied so I wasn’t able to focus on my anxieties. I also tried not to think about… Niall.

“Did we sleep together or something?” I jumped out of bed, my tongue jamming against the roof of my mouth and my gag reflex ready to burst at any second.

Niall sat up slowly. “No, of course not. Ya said you didn’t want t’ be alone last night. I didn’t think you should be alone either. I watched ya sleep.” He rubbed his eyes, where I noticed dark circles had formed.

“Oh…” My jaw unclenched. “Well, thank you.”

A silence surrounded us as we stared at each other.

“I have to start getting ready. I have my interviews.” I rubbed the back of my neck, which was beginning to grow warm. “You can stay here and sleep, if you want. You look tired.”

“Put yer number in me phone.” Niall reached in his pocket and chucked his phone over to the side of the bed I was standing near. He settled back into the bed, blinking at me.

“That’s not a good idea.” I felt my gag reflex beginning to creep up again. “I’m not… We can’t.” I shook my head.

I couldn’t tell if Niall was just too tired to argue, or if he was respecting my decision, but he shrugged slowly and closed his eyes. 

The memory played over and over in my head. It made my stomach twist and turn. For someone with an intense phobia of vomiting, I sure spent a lot of time with stomach issues over my fear of vomiting.

I’d made my way around the country, hitting many of the major cities before returning home to LA. It felt nice to be on the road again, exploring cities I hadn’t been to in so long. Post-Pandemic world was much friendlier than I imagined. People seemed happy just to interact with strangers, as we all realized we’d taken social interaction for granted. I realized how much serenity traveling brought me. The ability to have an ever changing surrounding kept my mind active. Not to mention I would make it a point to learn an interesting fact about every city.

As nice as it would be to return home, I was a little upset as I boarded my flight back to Los Angeles. I had one final radio appearance, a coveted interview with Ryan Seacrest at KIIS-FM. Shane didn’t seem to want to disclose many details as I pestered him on how he secluded such a coveted spot, so I decided not to press it further. I thanked him once again for his hard work, and let my mind wonder about the possible questions I’d have to answer. Most of the radio stations asked the same questions, but Ryan had been known to create fun segments and ask obscure questions, leading me to feel excited for the following morning.

Friday morning in late September in Los Angeles was warm and misty. I woke up early to go for a quick jog around the neighborhood before heading to Ryan’s morning show. The concept of sleeping in for the weekend grew more and more exciting as it dawned on me that I had no real schedule lined up after this interview. 

The drive to the studio was surprisingly easy, considering Los Angeles’s propensity for traffic. Perhaps it was a good omen. A successful interview could mean a lot, not only to the listeners, but also to my team, my record label, and any members of the industry that were considering me for future appearances and awards. I was heavily trained in media and public relations, perfectly dodging and rerouting the invasive and extensive questions interviewers asked me. I knew how to make my answers sound polite and refined but without losing the quality of ‘realness’ that my fans loved. Shane believed this was my greatest talent overall, noting there was never a question he could get by me, even though he knew me like the back of his hand.

“Mina, it’s been too long! We missed you. You’ve been doing big things!” Ryan enveloped me into a hug and I gave him a pat on the back. He could sound superficial at times, but the man truly had a heart of gold. He took a seat in front of his microphone, pulling his headphones over his ears, and preparing for the morning show to start. I took my own seat, watching as one of his producers flashed a warning that the show was about to go live.

“In 5… 4… 3… 2…”

“Good morning Los Angeles! We’ve got a busy morning on this beautiful Friday. Not one but two celebrity guests for me to interview. First, we have Mina Peace, right off from her career changing performance at New York’s Gov Ball Festival. We’ll hear from her in just a minute. Later down the road, we have Niall Horan in studio to answer some of your questions about his next tour.”

My heart sunk into my stomach. No wonder why Shane was iffy on the details. I’d let it slip to him that I had seen Niall at the after party. I didn’t go into detail about the night, but Shane, an expert on my body language, pretty much decoded that feelings were brewing deep in my core.

Ryan and I began to chat about the standard topics- touring, recording an album, my songwriting process. I felt rehearsed answers falling out of my mouth as I couldn’t concentrate very well. Suddenly, I heard a door open from behind me and some commotion occurring.

“Mr. Seacrest, I couldn’t wait to see ya!” Niall chorused, taking a seat directly across from me and grabbing his own pair of headphones. Ryan began to laugh. “Ya can’t have me waitin’ around. I know ya like to play hard to get, but not like dis.”

I felt my palms growing sweaty.

“Mina, have you met Niall?” Ryan grinned at me.

My mouth opened slightly, unsure of what to say. I was still in shock Niall and I were in the same room to begin with.

“We actually met at Gov Ball!” Niall chimed in. “She performed right before me. Legend.” He grinned, extending his foot under the table to graze against mine for a millisecond.

I squeezed my hands together, the recurring feeling of nausea growing inside of me. I looked out the studio window to see Shane staring at me from the hallway, giving me a thumbs up. His eyes looked apologetic, but he gave me a reassuring smile.

I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I didn’t get a chance to see his performance, but we bumped into each other before my set.” I felt the grip in my hands loosening as I relaxed my shoulders. “Or should I say… his soccer ball bumped into my shin.”

Niall grinned. “I told you, petal, it’s football!”

Ryan laughed. “You guys clearly have a nice little friendship going on! Do you think you’d ever collaborate?”

“Dat would be wicked.” Niall winked at me.

“I don’t know, Ryan. Not sure if Niall can keep up with me.” I winked back.

Ryan’s mouth dropped as the rest of the team reduced to laughter. “Look at you two!” He was clearly loving the antics the two of us were bringing to his show, along with the thousands of listeners.

The more we chatted, the more the knot in my stomach loosened. Perhaps it was because I knew Shane was just feet away, or maybe because the more I listened to Niall’s voice, sweet as honey and warm as fire embers, the more I became comfortable around him. As the interview came to a close, Ryan exclaimed how time had gotten away from him, and he was too caught up in our conversation to ask a fair few of the questions he was intending to. A smile radiated on my face from within me as Ryan pulled off his headphones and began chatting to Niall. I looked to see Shane staring at me intensely, and motioning for me to come outside.

“We need to talk.” Shane grabbed my wrist, pulling me into one of the empty rooms down the hall. “You can’t be seen with him.”

“Wha-”

“This is going to destroy everything we’ve built up, Mina. You both are from different circles. I know you like him, but your career is more important. Think of who he’s been seen with. Julia Michaels, Ashe, Hailee Steinfeld. Now think about you. Machine Gun Kelly, Alex Gaskarth, Yungblud. You’re not the same. When people blend like this, the lines get blurred, the public gets confused, and you lose it all.”

I stared at Shane as his eyes pierced into mine.

“Think about everyone who relies on you. Your crew, the label, me.” He took a breath. “Don’t do this, Mina. Get out while you still can.” And with that, he exited the room without giving me a chance to respond.

I had to imagine that this conversation hurt Shane as much as it hurt me. He put up a cold front, but in reality, he was one of the softest and most caring men I’d ever known. But it didn’t matter to me anymore. I felt heat bubble inside of me. I didn’t care about what Shane had to say. I wanted Niall.

My feet carried me through the hallways as my mind felt blurry. It felt like I was walking on air. I could only think of one thing. After scanning the rooms, I finally found my destination. Niall was sitting on a couch, idly strumming a guitar, with his back facing me. I heard him humming something, mumbling softly, and gravity pulled me closer to him.

I walked over to him, and he looked up to see me standing directly in front of him. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. My lips crashed onto his as I leaned down, placing my hands on his chest. He quickly laid his guitar down against the couch, allowing me to crawl into his lap.

“I really love you, I do.” I breathed out. “I’m not just saying that.”

[btsangstisallicanwrite]

Happy Now?

Summary: You’re a rising singer, friends somehow with the seven members of BTS. Secretly more than friends with a one Jeon Jungkook, until your falling out before his tour sent you straight to the lyric notebook. Now your new EP is out, and everyone’s expecting your new single to be about the mysterious boy you loved but would never name. Yeah, the song’s about him. Yeah, you wouldn’t name him. But you’d sure as hell let everyone know how he hurt you, and no one’s prepared to hear that, especially not Jungkook. 

A/N: Hello ARMY, I’ve never published a BTS fic before so this is my first. I hope y’all like it!!

CWs: light mentions of weed, alcohol mentions, I think that’s it? Angsty angst. Also, the song used in this fic is Happy Now by Zedd and Elley Duhé, I do not own the song or rights, I just had this urge to write a fic to this song. 

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“Jungkook-ah, did you see, Y/N is releasing a new EP! You think it’s about you this time?” Hoseok waggled his eyebrows at an unsuspecting but unimpressed Jungkook. The truth is, the last EP was about him, but the public couldn’t know that. Y/N was a rising singer in the United States, and he was a famous idol in South Korea; the narrative just didn’t mesh. Besides, the world wasn’t ready for the Golden Maknae to be off the market. That being said, saying that your relationship together was purely work related or platonic like you did in the papers, that’s just not true either. But like you agreed, no one could know. Minus the boys, they kind of knew everything. 

Everything, minus the fact that he’d broken up with you (he used the words “take a break”) before their last tour. 

All the diving he’d do towards his phone, holding it away from the boys when they’d try to see, they all thought he was talking to you. He wished he was. The dives were driven by hope, the fact he realized he made a huge mistake by letting you go because of your “busy schedules;” you both knew it was bullshit but neither of you would say it. If anything, you both knew heartbreak sold records. 

Namjoon pats him on his shoulder, leaning in to show him a little bit of affection and reprieve from the laughs of his hyungs. “Aw, leave him be, I’m sure we’ll all find out tonight when she performs it at that event tonight, right, Kookie?”

Oh. Shit. He didn’t escape Yoongi’s concerned eye when he launched to grab his phone, checking the date. He looked down, a selfie y’all took on your last date lighting up his vision as he unlocked it. He should’ve remembered. He’d seen your tweets about it for the last few months, how you were so excited to perform at this show and that your new single was something your fanbase wouldn’t expect. Jungkook really didn’t know how to take that. He hadn’t tried contacting you (yet) but you hadn’t reached out to him, either, so it really couldn’t be that bad if it was about him, right? 

“Uh… yeah, I’m sure we will!” He gulped and nodded his head at Namjoon, who seemed to be fine with his response. Hoseok and Taehyung went about their business talking about whatever had their attention for the next ten minutes. Jimin and Seokjin were deep in debate, leaning over their cup noodles to bare teeth as an attempt to intimidate one another. Yoongi, on the other hand, was staring dead at Jungkook, still. He watched him as he walked over to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a drink, leaning back in his chair as he watched Jungkook take it without a flinch. That was the glitch in the matrix Yoongi needed to prove something was awry, so he took a seat right across from Jungkook in the small booth on the bus. 

“Hyung, tell me why you just downed that shot like you’re ready to forget your name when you’re supposed to be happy about seeing Y/N tonight.” 

Jungkook gulped, swirling the last few drops left in his cup while trying to avoid eye contact with his hyung, “do me a favor and... make sure I’m doing okay tonight, will you?” 

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“Y/N! Are you ready for tonight?” Your best friend busted into your room as if your door was a figment of your imagination. This was her first fancy music festival, and your first performance at one, so it goes without saying that you were nervous. It wasn’t even that big of a show, it was almost like an exclusive concert style, with the low-watt blue lighting and only standing room in the audience for each performer. Normally, that’d ease your mind and your nerves, but not tonight. 

Only the record producers had heard the song you’re releasing tonight. You hadn’t told a soul... maybe one or two... about what really happened with Jungkook. You’d felt ashamed and stupid that you fell into one of those stupid fanfiction tropes, falling for a man that was well beyond your reach for anything more than a good fuck. Well, that’s a little harsh. It was almost like you had been dating, which is the funny thing about all your feelings. You’d sneak over to the apartment and watch movies with the boys in your pajamas. You spent your birthday with them playing drunken card games at your place because none of your friends were in the city and they didn’t want you to be alone. He did all the things boyfriends do, and as much as you wanted to hate him and talk mad shit, you couldn’t. You’d never believed in that “right person, wrong time” figure of speech until you walked out of their apartment that night, the night he broke your heart. 

“I can’t wait to hear some more sappy Jungkook shit,” your friend came up behind you as you sat at your vanity criticizing yourself and all your life decisions up to that point. “You might not even need blush tonight, babe, it’s already all over your face.” She squished your cheeks together before you had the opportunity to stop her, making you feel a little bit of something other than despair in your stomach. 

“You wanna take a hit before we start doing our makeup?”

“Say no more,” you said sadly, feeling the hit pull between your lips. You weren’t famous enough yet to have a makeup squad, so it was just you and your bff swapping brushes and blunts until you either looked good as fuck or didn’t care anymore. She rolled backwards onto your bed, looking for some shoes or something, and you stole another hit, hoping it’d give you the encouragement you needed to seemingly let everyone you loved down tonight. 

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All he wanted to do was get so drunk that he didn’t make it out the door. That’s really all he wanted, and he didn’t know why that was too much to ask. But alas, with the boys talking nonstop about what your new single could be about, and a concerned/slightly pissed Yoongi breathing down the back of his neck, Jungkook knew he’d have to suck it up and make it to the venue. 

It looked just like he remembered. Last time he was there, he’d been sneaking around with you in the dim purple lights. All the walls were painted black with thick velvet curtains draping from corner to corner on the stage. The boys came in through the back entrance as to avoid being seen (as much as they could) so they’d come in as the staff was setting up some of the props for the performances tonight. There was a singular barstool that sat just left of center stage and he grimaced. You’d been telling him that for your next album, you really wanted to focus on the acoustics and just sit on a stage, on “one of those really worn leather barstools,” he practically heard it in your voice. But maybe he was wrong, and the stool had nothing to do with you. It seems he’d just have to see; there’s nothing better in his mind to do than hide back here and hope he’d be ready to see you on that stage.

And just having to see, whether that stool was for you, whether he was even ready to see you, more and more things he wasn’t ready to think about, these were all things he’d (at least attempted to) make his peace with. That was on the premise of “for hours from now.” Hours from now was plenty of time, yeah? Hours from now was not right now, not standing right in front of him. He’d put his nose in his phone to check the time, when he didn’t check where he was going and ran straight into you. 

“Y/N… I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.” He ran his hand through his hair and down along the length of this neck, trying to avoid eye contact so you couldn’t see how distraught he was. 

“Jungkook. You say you didn’t see me... but I believe,” you grabbed his phone and clicked the unlock button, illuminating the photo of the two of you together, “you saw me, right there.” You looked at him blankly as he managed to disguise his immediate sadness with a cough. He sincerely can’t tell if you’re playing around or if that sharpness in your voice wants to slice through him like he feels it does. 

“Y/N, can we talk? Please?”

He swears he almost saw you crack. Maybe you had, maybe he’s just wistfully hoping, but it seems he’d never know, because before you could get a word out, Jimin had flung himself on you. 

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“Y/N!! Oh, how we’ve missed you! Why haven’t you been around since we got back?” Jimin pouted as you leaned your head on his, still making direct eye contact with Jungkook. He’d almost made you break, and you’re sure he knew it. What surprised you more than that was that he hadn’t told any of the boys, or changed his wallpaper. Do you tell them before you perform and ruin this little dream scenario that Jungkook still apparently had them believing in? You took a second to rub your lips together, breaking your gaze at Jungkook to close your eyes and sigh. “I’ve just been working really hard on this EP, rehearsals and things,” you said and then sent out a soft chuckle “Not all of us have the rehearsal experience that y’all do.” 

“You’re a natural up there, Y/N, don’t stress about it.” Seokjin matched your laugh with a heartier one, wrapping his arm around your other shoulder. “You’re gonna go up there and show us something crazy, yah?” 

“Oh yeah,” you glance back up at Jungkook, whose gaze never left you. You watched it travel from your feet, up the rest of your body as you locked eyes, both wearing the same sad expression. Your breath was a little ragged, which didn’t help, as your silence sat in the air a little longer than you expected it to, “It’ll be something else, alright.” 

“Well, we have to go find good standing room since the show starts soon. We wouldn’t want to miss the exclusive look at your new single! Good luck, Y/N!” Namjoon nods at you with a smile. You return it, a nod to all the boys. Jungkook lingers, fighting with Yoongi to be the last in line. “Good luck, Y/N, I know you’ll do well.” He nods his head and scampers off behind his hyungs. You could’ve sworn you saw him look a little teary eyed as you made eye contact once the boys found a spot. He was leaning on the side of the stage, far too close for your comfort considering you’d be singing a song about how he broke your heart. At least he didn’t know that, yet. 

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“Jungkook, I need to tell you something.” 

Jungkook wanted to be told nothing. He wanted to hear nothing, he wanted to be nothing. He had glanced up at you once he found a comfortable spot off the side of the stage, and the look on your face told him that he should fully expect what’s coming. He’s not ready to hear it on his own, much less with the boys. At least Yoongi was going to look out for him. He turned to the aforementioned man, taking a shot off a tray floating around, and nodded. 

“I kind of have an idea of what’s about to happen.”

“How do you kn-- what do you think you know?” 

“Welcome to the show, are you all ready to hear Y/N’s new single?” The host of the show sauntered onto the stage, the glittery train of her dress almost distracting Jungkook from the absolute panic that invaded his body at the words of his hyung. “Well, you’re in luck, she’s our opening act for the night! Everyone welcome her to the stage, give it up for Y/N!”

You walked out on the stage in an outfit far different than the one he saw when he ran into you. You seemed a little flustered, almost, sad but confident as you grabbed the microphone and introduced yourself. You scanned the crowd, eyes landing on the boys. Taehyung and Jimin were screaming so loud that it looked like you might have almost forgotten about Jungkook completely, until your eyes met his. 

“I had a whole speech… this whole plan, this whole other outfit I had on backstage and I was ready to show y’all the happy, go-lucky version of this song, because that’s what I’d originally made it for. But, I’m gonna need y’all to bare with me, because… because I can’t sell that to you right now when I can’t feel it.” You’d started to walk off stage, immediately taking the crowd by surprise. 

“Listen Jungkook, I’ve seen the song she’s about to sing--”

“You WHAT?” He didn’t believe what he’d just heard. He knew Yoongi said it, but he guessed he needed to add that to the list of things he hadn’t (or rather, couldn’t) make peace with. “Before I ask why or how you’ve heard it, does she--”

“See, that’s the thing,” Yoongi looked up to you and then back to him. “I know what she tells me, and I know what the song says. I know you still love her.” Jungkook exhaled with such a force that Namjoon made a pointed glance his way. He looked up at Yoongi, expecting to see something, anything other than the piercing gaze he was met with. “I know she still… feels some way about you, Jungkook.”

‘Feels some way about you’ rung in his ears even harder than his eardrums had been doing so before. He immediately looked around and grabbed a shot off the nearest tray and downed it. He looked back over with tears fully in his eyes (not like earlier, those weren’t full tears, right?). Yoongi seemed like he was trying to be delicate with him, but he was getting fed up with Jungkook, and they were now both aware of it. 

“Jungkook!” Yoongi whisper shouted, “she’s not ready to talk to you, not until you hear what she has to say. Quit taking those shots and hear her out.” 

“What do I do, how long have you--” 

C L U N K 

He barely heard the loud wooden thud over his own heartbeat, but it was enough to distract him and Yoongi. He looked up to the stage and saw you dragging out that leather wooden stool, and he knew he was in for a night. 

“Sorry… sorry that was so loud y’all.” He watched you take the deepest of breaths, hands shaking as you held onto the microphone and sat on the stool. “I’m gonna just go off-script here, is that okay?” The crowd cheered, creating a small smile on your face. “I don’t want to say I knew this would happen, but my loving team and my ghost producer backed me up when I wanted to record a second version of this song. They’ll play the upbeat one later, once we’ve all had some drinks in our system, yeah?” The crowd cheered again, whereas Jungkook could only gulp.

“Yoongi, did you--”

“She asked me to ghost produce this EP before we left on tour, Kook.”

“She… she what? How long have you-- what do I do?” He was full-on in tears at this point, doing a decent job at hiding it from the other members, but Yoongi saw right through his “I wear leather coats and am a Virgo so I can’t cry” facade that he tried to put up whenever he got sad. He pulled Jungkook into a tight side embrace, right as you looked down at the two of them. 

“I know I’ll need it,” you mumbled, “so here we go, hope y’all like it.” 

“You’re a world away, somewhere in the crowd. In a foreign place… are you happy now? There’s nothing left to say, so I shut my mouth. So won’t you tell me, babe, are you happy now?”

“Shit. Hyung…” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re the only one who can up and run, leave me just as empty as the day you came. And you hold all the cards, all the broken hearts, strung over your shoulder ‘til it’s all in vain. And only you know the strength in your teeth, the wash in the weight of your pockets so deep… and lonely.” 

You’d made a list, made a plan. You weren’t going to look at any of the boys. Your subconscious was screaming “LOOK ANYWHERE BUT THE BOYS.” But you mentioned you were already off-script. Knowing that, your eyes couldn’t help themselves. 

“In the palm of your hands, you can make me dance, spin me around in circles until I’m wrapped in string.”

It doesn’t seem like they’ve processed it yet. You scan the line, seeing scrunched brows and confusion in a continuous line as if you’d written it across their faces yourself. Namjoon looked concerned. Seokjin had a face of granite; for once, you couldn’t read his face. Taehyung and Jimin were staring, eyes wide, and you couldn’t help but try to smile.

“You keep on talking sweet”

Hoseok had his hand reaching for Seokjin, eyes locked with yours. It’s not often that Mr. Sunshine himself can’t bring you joy.

 “‘til your fingers bleed,”

Yoongi had the face you expected him to have. You could see he was proud. He was seemingly less confused, but still looked hurt. You’d understand if it had to do with you, but you’re hoping it’s because of the man next to him, whom even thinking about made you growl through your next lyric.

“but don’t you dare ask me how I’ve been.”

After that, you really shouldn’t want to look. It might make it obvious, blow your whole relationship (or crumbled lack thereof) into the public eye. But the shouldn’ts are falling by the wayside as the crowd cheered on your emotive tone. Maybe it was a little harsh. You shake your head and blink out some tears. You’ve got to stop telling yourself you’re being too harsh. He broke your heart, didn’t bother to call, and had the gall to wish you good luck? He deserves to know how it feels. 

“Now only you know the strength of your teeth, the wash in the weight of your pockets so deep... and lonely! You’re a world away, somewhere in the crowd. In a foreign place, are you happy now? There’s nothing left to say, so I shut my mouth...”

You’ve managed to avoid it, and you can see it on the members’ faces that they’re catching on. Namjoon, Seokjin, Taehyung, Jimin, Hoseok, Yoongi.

“So won’t you tell me, babe…”

Shit. Here we go. The voice has cracked, the tears are OUT. You wipe your tears and hold your sleeve to the side of your face, making eye contact with the last member, the one you love the most.

“are you happy now?”

[tillidontneedfantasy]

‘Romance’ - Camila Cabello REVIEW: Shamelessly In Love

“You know it's been a long time coming,” Camila Cabello sings on the Grammy-nominated smash “Señorita” (which is the most-streamed song of 2019) featuring Shawn Mendes, their follow-up collaboration to “I Know What You Did Last Summer” from 2015. When she sings this line, it’s unclear who the ‘you’ is: Mendes or the audience. Shortly following the release of the track on June 21st, 2019, Cabello and Mendes were seen multiple times out together, displaying affection publicly that would suggest that they are not just friends...because, as she explains, “friends don’t know the way you taste.”

At the release of these stream of photos, many were quick to decide that this must be a stunt as a promotional ploy for the collaboration; but anyone even slightly invested in either one of the pop stars’ lives and music knew that it was, in fact, a long time coming. To any skeptics left, the timeline outlined (yet scattered) throughout Cabello’s second solo studio effort, Romance, should suffice as ample evidence that it’s the real deal, not that she needs to prove it, anyway.

Speaking of that timeline, the main takeaway from Romance’s story is this: men are idiots who don’t realize what they have until they can’t have it anymore. Unrequited love finally turned in favor just too little too late...until it’s not. As two sides of the same coin, “Should’ve Said It” and “Feel It Twice” showcase the two different internal reactions we women go through when someone we wanted for so long doesn’t want us until we’ve moved on with someone else: spite and sorrow. On one hand, she’s dismissive, and on the other, she’s remorseful. In the end, though, this tale has a happy ending, as she seizes the opportunity to finally be with the person she wanted “two years ago” despite the risk. The result? A full, shameless immersion into a world of unapologetic romance. 

STRONGEST TRACK(S): “Bad Kind of Butterflies,” “Living Proof”

Although unlike anything else Cabello has released thus far in her solo career, “Bad Kind of Butterflies” is a compelling and straightforward confessional to her partner that despite her love for him she wants another. “What do I lose if I don't choose and keep it to myself?” she ponders, before ultimately landing upon a decision: “Warning me it’s a mistake, I just know I gotta make it.” Camila deserves some credit here; few people possess this kind of bravery. Many times, people in this situation do keep it to themselves, and then either end up unhappy, live in regret, or make mistakes instead of making an honest choice that will hurt fewer people in the long run. The beautifully haunting production that builds as the song progresses literally gives you the type of bad butterflies she’s describing, as if you’re the one moments away from your possible doom, or maybe an exciting new beginning, or both. Making a choice to follow your heart might trigger an upheaval of your previously planned life-course, but it is never a mistake. Luckily for Cabello, it seemed to work out.

On “Living Proof,” the last pre-release and latest single, Camila indulges in the cliche of linking worship and sex; however, instead of playing as overdone and tired, it just works, mainly due to Cabello’s outstanding vocal arrangement throughout, especially the harmonies in the last chorus. The track is sonically soft and sweet, so hypnotizingly complemented by Cabello’s flawless execution of such a high register; aside from Ariana Grande, no other pop artist can make it seem so effortless. Although the omission of a choir for the bridge and/or outro might be seen by some as a wise choice to balance the cliches, I kind of wish she did it anyway, and her inclusion of one during her wonderful performance on the Ellen Degeneres Show makes a strong case for it too.

WEAKEST TRACK: “This Love”

Perhaps the waltz-like nature of "This Love” is supposed to mirror the dance that Cabello and the subject of this song are playing at, but it fails to do so. When hearing the instrumentals for this track, you are expecting a loving, romantic song. Instead, the listener hears yet again about the games being played by this man and the back and forth between them. The lyrics feel incongruent with the music, and though the track is not bad, it might leave the listener unsatisfied. 

THE IN-BETWEENS

There are plenty of other tracks to satiate the desire for pure romance, as promised. “Easy” and “Used To This” are two gorgeous tracks that perfectly encapsulate what it’s like to allow yourself to be loved when for so long you were unsure if it would ever happen the way you envisioned, making it very easy (no pun intended) to feel happy for Cabello (and Mendes), even so much so that you might find their love endearing enough to temporarily forget that Instagram video (you know the one) (sorry for making you remember it again). Cabello successfully experiments on the sultry “My Oh My” featuring DaBaby, which for some reason is a digital exclusive, and the dramatic and honest “Cry For Me,” which bluntly publicizes a sort of selfishness that most humans have felt but would deny, and gets better with each listen. Other tracks, however, such as “Liar” and “Feel It Twice” tire out quickly. 

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “Should’ve Said It”

Cabello sounds most authentic and commanding when she infuses her Latina roots with her pop inclinations. “Should’ve Said It” is effective, unique, and showcases all of Camila’s strengths in a catchy package to which many girls around the globe can easily relate. As Cabello chastises her muse for not knowing what he had until it was gone, you can’t help but vehemently agree while tapping your feet. Can’t you feel it turning into a power anthem already?

                                                            ***

Even in her Fifth Harmony days, Cabello exhibited an unprecedented stage presence. Her first solo album, Camila, proved her star and staying power. There are many ways in which she has leveled up since, as displayed throughout Romance: her vocal range and control are much stronger and cleaner, she has trialed new musical styles that surprisingly suit her, and the production on almost every song is intriguing enough to make you want to listen again. However, the album feels lyrically lackluster; maybe this is because Camila proved to be a great lyricist with her debut, and the quality of writing on this album seems to match its predecessor rather than exceed it. That is not to say that great lyricism implies Shakespearean prose; sometimes, simplicity works just as successfully, if not even more so, as it allows for accessibility. The closing track of Romance, “First Man,” is an example of Cabello’s moving utilization of such simplicity. On an album that can feel repetitive at times considering its subject matter, an ode to the love Cabello shares with her father comes a bit out of left field, a refreshing final pull at the heartstrings. Mentions of jackets for cold weather and making it home safe remind us all that love- whether it is romantic, platonic, or familial- is loudest through the little things. Camila is clearly full of love, and if she continues to build on her ability to tap into it and express it honestly, the sky will be her limit. Grade: 3.5/5

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I never cared for Fifth Harmony much when they were together, so Camila was not really on my radar until she was suddenly on everyone’s with her hit “Havana.” I remember watching her perform it on some awards show and being absolutely blown away by her stage presence. I knew she would be opening for Taylor Swift’s reputation Stadium Tour, and since I of course was attending I decided to listen to Camila shortly after its release, and I was surprised at how much I liked it! Although I enjoy this album very much, I was expecting a bit more from Romance; none of the songs have felt as special as “Consequences” or “Something’s Gotta Give” or “Havana” from her debut, and although I don’t think an artist should ever try to replicate past success or follow formulas that they think might get them there, I feel like that extra punch I was expecting from this album is missing. I still think she did a great job though- I was completely blown away by her vocals and the production, and I am excited to see where her career takes her.

[xserpentlife]

Protect You

Request: @dietothemusic - Can I request a Sweet Pea x Male reader where the group is playing truth or dare and has to give Sweet Pea a lap dance? Or how about the reader is part of the northside being Veronica’s cousin and goes to a party meeting sweet pea and they have to hide their relationship until the reader gets tired of hiding?

A/N: If you don’t like Male x Male stories I suggest you get off my blog because on this blog we support everyone regardless. So sorry this is late by the way, again my schedule may be very off this week but I am going to try my absolutely hardest to keep it at least almost on track but fics may be a day late I’m not sure. Thanks to my beta @wayward-river

Warnings: Cursing? I think that is it.

Word Count: 3661

For weeks now you had been dating Sweet Pea the big bad brooding Serpent who always had a bone to pick with everyone. You met him three months ago when you started living at the Pembrook with Veronica, your cousin. It was weird the way you met, almost unconventional but also really told a tale about who the both of you were. Tonight was going to be a reminder of all of that. A reminder of the way it all started with the man you have grown to love.

*Flashback*

“Ronnie I can’t go to this party I don’t know anyone”

“Come on please Y/N”

“Ugh why”

“Because you're my cousin”

“Like that is a reason”

“Please I bet you will have a great time, actually I promise you will. And I am sure you’ll meet Kevin maybe you two will hit it off”

“And why would you think that? Is it cause Kevin is gay?”

“Okay well…” “No V you always try to set me up with these prissy guys and I am tired of it let my love life be okay”

“Fine but tell me you’ll come”

“I have to it is in this apartment and if you forgot I live here too remember”

“Touche cus touche, see you in a bit”

The party started off awkward at first. You didn’t know anyone considering you had just moved in a few weeks ago. You had only been to school a few times due to you skipping a few of your classes. You were usually an outspoken person not afraid of the fights or saying things to people, but the situation you were in now caused you to be scared and timid. Afraid that the people around you would not accept you. Your entire life you were the head dog. No one messed with you because they knew your family name, but when your parents passed away you became a target and moving in with the Lodges granted you that protection that you had lost. You weren’t like your aunt and uncle, hell you were barely like Veronica but you would only be safe with them, you hated living there. Hated the life you now had but you had to stay. You at least knew the Lodges had their own protection. Your life was too dangerous to go anywhere else. You wouldn’t be safe and no one around you would be.

You sat on the couch in your jeans and button up shirt feeling out of place wanting so deeply to just hide when you saw him walk in. He was hard to miss; tall, dark hair, built. You didn’t wanna seem like you were staring so you got up walking into your bedroom changing out of the button up, it seemed almost too formal for your liking. Formality always made you squeamish, remembering the ways your parents always had to be.

After changing you went back out sitting on the couch, and only a few seconds later that man that you saw at the door had made the couch dip as he sat next to you. Your breath hitched as he did so, but it was odd usually you didn’t get that weird stomach feeling for other people, something was different about him. He tapped you on the shoulder as you had been looking away and when you turn your eyes locked a light blush appearing on the stranger's cheek.

“Hello”

“Hey”

“Did you need something” What else were you supposed to say, you didn’t know him.

“Uh, oh nothing I just wanted to say. Figured I'd say hi you seemed bored, or annoyed, maybe pissed off, either way, uh I’m Sweet Pea”

“Oh cool name”

“Huh”

“Your name… it’s cool”

“Thanks most people ask if it’s real”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, haha”

“Well, nice to meet you Sweet Pea” You got up not wanting the conversation to go on any longer where you could ruin it. You also loved leading the mystery. Would he want to know more?

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Why do you wanna know”

“Thought we could talk more”

“What you think I am interested”

“Uh… sorry”

“I’m kidding Sweet Pea, follow me if you wanna get to know me so bad” You led him up to your room

“Oh, so you just wanted me in your room?”

“Shut it, I just was tired of that terrible music the party was playing”

“Yeah that shit was horrible, should we test to see if you have better taste”

“Oh so now I'm being tested”

“I mean if you want”

“Okay, I’m up for the challenge” You turned on your record player and played Y/F/A (Your favorite album).

“Okay, maybe you ain’t so bad preppy” The word, the word you hated. He knew of who you ran with he must have. Something told you to run but the smile he had given told you to stay.

“I’m not…”

“I know it was just a joke. I could tell you weren’t like most of the people at the party when you changed into a t-shirt and at that a band tee. I like your style”

“Thanks, I like the leather”

“Oh do you now” Before anything could continue a yell came from downstairs. Veronica calling you down. She couldn’t find you not upstairs, not like the way you were.

“We, we need to go downstairs, I’m sorry” You started walking out before your hand was grabbed and you were dragged back slightly.

“Are you alright”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good just my cousin needs me”

“Wait Veronica is your cousin”

“Yeah, wait you didn’t know? Isn’t that why you called me preppy cause I live here with her and you know she is?”

“No, not by a longshot. I had no idea you were related to her. I called you preppy for the pure fact that you were wearing the button up. I was just kidding, to be honest. I’m sorry about that by the way”

“Don’t worry about it Sweet Pea, everything is good”

“You sure?” “Yeah now I really gotta go see what she wants or she is gonna come up here”

“Alright let’s go” Sweet Pea walked out the door walking downstairs without another word.

You walked downstairs a few seconds after Sweet Pea had started. Veronica waited was waiting for you in the kitchen with a few other people shouting a follow me as soon as you had entered. A girl you learned to be Cheryl started talking once everyone entered the living room.

“Alright chums. We are going to play a fun little game of truth or dare. But there will be a twist. If you choose truth you will need to take a shot. Fun right! SO either you quit now before we start, or you will be stuck till it is over. So, ladies, gentlemen are you in or are you out?”

Truth or Dare. Were you in? I mean you damn well wanted to play, but could you now after all of that. You waited for the responses of others. When it got to Sweet Pea he had looked to you before looking to the door but ultimately decided to play. And then you had your answer. If he was playing you were definitely going to be there. So with a shot, you were in too. It started out basic, the normal truths being asked and answered but then it started getting juicy with Cheryl daring Toni to take off her shirt and then the bottle spun and it came back to you. Toni was now asking truth or dare but you had already done three truths and you didn’t want another shot, so dare it was.

“Dare”

“Alright, I dare you to give Sweet Pea a lap dance” Sweet Pea looked up his eyes turning to a new look you hadn’t seen.

“Toni what the hell I barely know the dude”

“Eh whatever that makes it more fun”

So you got up slowly sauntering over to Sweet Pea. The nerves in your chest at an all-time high. But why were you getting this feeling, you had giving lap dances during truth or dare with other guys but with Sweet Pea you felt something so different. You slowly brought your hands down to his shoulders bracing yourself against his body so you wouldn’t fall over the slight tipsiness taking hold at that moment. You slowly moved along swaying your hips as you made your way down dragging your hands with you along his body. Your legs made your way over his hips slowly grinding down against them until you were almost seated on his lap. You saw him biting his lip which made you want to go faster, you wanted his reaction, you wanted to be the one to make him react. Your hips grinded down slowly as you began humping his body, your lips slowly making the way to his neck. You brought your lips to his neck lightly hovering over before finally placing them down sucking what you learned to be his sweet spot, and that was his breaking point. As soon as your lips connected to his neck he had pushed you off lightly standing up and rushing out of the house.

You sat there for a second shocked before Toni had tapped you. “Hey don’t worry about him he probably just got pissed he never gave a lap dance that good” You rushed up before responding not caring what anyone would think, all you cared about was him for some odd reason. You craved him you needed to make sure he was alright. You were an ass and you knew it, you knew he was most likely straight, you knew you shouldn’t have done the dare but you did it anyone and probably ruined the slim chance you had at being friends with him. So you followed him rushing out of the house before anyone could stop you. But you couldn’t find him and then you heard the roar of the bike and you looked to the end of the driveway him standing there the smoke from a cigarette drifting into the air. You ran to him, as fast as you could and as he turned around you couldn’t stop fast enough as you crashed into him.

“Woah what the hell!”

“I…”

“What is your problem”

“I… I just wanted to say sorry”

“For what running into me cause that could’ve been prevented”

“No well yeah I am sorry for that too but I wanted to apologize about the dance… the lap dance. I should never have done that. I know you probably are not gay or bi or pan or whatever and even if you were there should have been permission, and I am so sorry to make you run out on your friends I just I shouldn’t have done that and I ju... “ Your voice was cut off as you felt his lips on your own. You melted into the kiss instantly, not caring what it meant, not caring if anyone was seeing. For once in your life, he was the only thing that mattered.

“I… wait. What? I thought you ran out cause you were mad at me”

“I left because well… take a guess” You looked to his cheeks seeing him blush as he looked down, a small chuckle coming from him. “Now shut up” There it was again… his lips felt like fire, hot fire that burned deep inside of you.

“I could get used to that”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah”

“Wanna get out of here”

“Definitely”

*End Flashback*

The party started well just as it had so many times in the past. Sweet Pea stayed away keeping you at a distant knowing that you weren’t out. But you watched him. The party made you reminisce about the times you both shared together. You were scared shitless for anyone to find out, you needed to protect Sweet Pea. You had only ever gone to Sweet Pea’s trailer a few times. He was scared it wouldn’t be enough for you, but it was the exact opposite, you loved the getaway that his trailer offered and he knew that. He would often come up to your room during parties slipping away when people wouldn’t notice and he would spend the night before slipping out earlier in the morning before anyone would see. The only person that probably figured out the relationship was Smithers and maybe Sweet Pea’s best friends Fangs, and Toni. It was hard for you, and you knew it was hard for Sweet Pea as well. You didn’t want to have to hide but you also didn’t want to put Pea in danger either. If anyone from the rival families knew that you had someone who made you soft or someone you cared about they would use it against you in an instant, so you tried your hardest to keep hidden.

The time of the night you dreaded most came the truth or dare beginning. You sat next to Sweet Pea as you always had. You were ten minutes in the game going pretty smoothly no crazy dares and only a few shots. The bottle landed on Sweet Pea Toni being the person behind it. You knew the dare that was coming you saw it in her eyes as she glanced to you and back to him. “I dare you to give Y/N a lap dance” Sweet Pea glanced top you and you nodded as confirmation. If you didn’t let him it would have been a dead give away that something was going on. So you did. He slowly climbed on top of you still holding his weight up so he wasn’t fully pressing against your body. He grinded down his hips slowly connecting with yours. You couldn’t look at him. But at one point the way he landed made you gasp and turn fully locking eyes. Lost there for a moment his lips connected with yours. You pushed him off running away. Everyone would know. They would know that you were together. Others would find out. He would be in danger. You ran outside and kept running until a hand pulled you back.

“Pea let me go”

“No!”

“Drop my wrist now!”

“No Y/N what’s going on?”

“You knew Pea you knew”

“Knew what!”

“You kissed me and you knew I didn’t want anyone to find out, and you did it anyway”

“First of all we kissed each other, and you know it. Yeah maybe I started but you felt it too that moment and don’t say you didn’t because I felt it too. Look Y/N if your ashamed of me that’s fine but…”

“Sweet pea I’m not ashamed of you I just… I’m not out you know that”

“So what everyone knows. Toni, Fangs, Cheryl. We are together all of the time hugging, holding hands and doing so much more. I tried. We tried I mean, to keep it a secret we stopped the hand holdings when we saw someone, but people asked me I told them no but I don’t know if they believed me, does it really matter that much babe”

“Pea” Tears were streaming down your face at that point. “It matters Pea, it matters more than you know”

“I want to be with you Y/N I don’t give a shit if anyone knows hell I’ll fucking scream it right now. Look if you're not ready to come out that is fine, but… but I care so much about you and it’s not fair to me or you being hidden like this”

He thought you didn’t want to be with him and that killed you more. You looked up into his eyes the glistening of a few tears rolling down his cheeks and that made you crack. Tears were falling faster than before as you pulled away from him again. You couldn’t watch him as he broke because of you but you needed to keep him safe you had to.

“If you want to tell people I don’t think we can be together Sweet Pea”. Before you could process you were being turned around his large hand holding your cheek as he looked into your eyes and his lips connected with yours. Softer but more passionate than ever before, like at any second you would disappear from underneath him, but you needed to. To keep him safe you had to go away you had to stop seeing him. “Babe don’t do this. I don’t get it. I don’t get why we can’t just fucking tell people. People will support you like they do Toni, Fangs, Cheryl, and Kevin I mean hell even me. You won’t be in danger”

“That isn't’ the fucking point Sweet pea. I am not the one that needs to worry about the danger”

“What?”

“Fuck can’t you just let it be, I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. I can’t have you in danger. I would rather leave you and lose you than lose you from you being tortured or killed. I can’t go through that, I can’t let you go through that”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“God I should have told you sooner”

“Told me what Y/N!”

“My life Pea it is fucking dangerous. The shady things that Hiram does well my family did them all to. I mean I was never a part of it, but… but when they died I am the one that became the target. The rivals all came after me. I had to move in with my fucking asshole aunt and uncle because of it. You think I choose to live here. You think this is the life I want. I hate living in luxury while others are down in the dumps. I fucking hate this place, but I have to be here or I would be dead. I don’t have enough to protect myself, I need to be here, but I can at least protect you. The rivals will do anything to get to me, even if that means taking you down so they can do so. I can’t let them hurt you, and… and you being with me means that they will know your my weakness. They will use you to get to me. They can hurt you, hell they could kill you and I can’t have that because I fucking love you Sweet pea. I a, fucking madly in love with you hell I would scream it to the world to but I fucking can’t because I need to keep you safe and protected” And there came the kiss. The way you melted into him automatically happening before you realized and pulled away. “Pea we can’t you’re just making this harder on the both of us.”

“Wait you're telling me that we were doing the same thing, I’m not leaving you Y/N”

“Same thing? Fuck Sweet Pea just listen! Fuck what don’t you get don’t you fucking understand Sweet Pea. What are you not getting about? You could be Taken! Tortured! or worse Killed!”

“Babe I know and I don’t give a fuck, they are not going to touch me.”

“Oh my god”

“You don’t know, do you. I mean I never told you… so I mean I guess you wouldn’t but babe I’m in a gang”

“I’m sorry what now!”

“Ever heard of the Serpents”

“Uh no”

“Didn’t you think it was odd I wore a jacket that matched my neck tattoo, or odd that Fangs and Toni, sometimes Cheryl wore the same?”

“I just thought, I thought they were like friendship jackets or some weird shit. Wait you're in a fucking gang”

“Yeah…” “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me”

“I had to fucking keep you safe. The same reason I kept trying to hide this too but I realized it wasn’t worth it, I cared more about being with you in public and unafraid, and I knew that if… if you were going to be targeted I would protect you. If we were public you would be a Serpent by association and you would be protected to”

“This is insane Sweet Pea” He grabbed your hands in one of his, and his other landed on your cheek.

“Babe, are you okay?” “I’m shocked I just… they can still come after you though we aren't safe Sweet Pea”

“Live with me”

“What do you not you understand about NOT! SAFE!”

“Live with me babe or at least think about it. You will be safe. You will be under Serpent protection. No one will come after you, and plus even if they did you would have a full gang of protection behind you. You will be safe I will make sure of it. I can’t lose you Y/N. I can’t deal with that. I love you. I’m not scared. I am not scared of anything but losing you, and if I let you go that is going to happen anyone so at least let me try to protect you, please.”

“I don’t want to lose you either Sweet Pea, I love you too”

Your lips locked in a kiss that felt like it hadn’t happened in a million years. It felt like it lasted for hours, and it was only interrupted by gasps coming from the front steps. All of your friends watching from afar and clapping as you both looked down blushing. You buried your head into Sweet Pea’s chest as he yelled for everyone to go away, and they did not want to question what was happening.

“Hey it is going to be okay, I promise, now you wanna hop on my bike and go to the trailer, our trailer… I mean if you want?”  

“Our trailer?”

“You were always welcome there, always”

“I know”

“I love you Y/N”

“I love you too Sweet Pea”

[p-artsypants]

Longest Night (1)

Ao3 | FF.net

The day started out sucky to begin with. Her crush ousted to the class and Adrien. Lila taking pride in exacting her revenge.But by the time patrol was over, a young man was dead, and Ladybug’s identity was at risk. Lila was the least of her concerns.Good thing Adrien was taking it all like a champ.

Set two years up from season three.

PLEASE NOTE:

This story starts out kinda rough, but in oncoming chapters, there will be graphic torture of the physical, emotional, and mental nature. But I WILL NOT be writing anything sexually graphic. It would make sense, in terms of story, but I just don't want to.

--

Three years was a long time to fight against one man. Hundreds of Akuma, thousands of frightened citizens, and yet they were no more closer to finding Hawkmoth than day one. He came out when it was convenient for him.

Because of the continued attacks, Paris was starting to grow concerned. It came out on forums and political talks on TV.

What was taking Ladybug and Chat Noir so long? What were they doing? Why haven’t they stopped him yet?

It started out slowly, and just in the most radical groups. But as time went on, more and more jumped on the band wagon.

Ladybug’s saving grace was the Ladyblog, that always reported every detail of any Ladybug related news. And Alya, reporter that she was, was quick to remind everyone that Ladybug fixed all damage that was done, and criticizing them wasn’t helping.

Still, concern and restlessness persisted in the back of minds.

But Ladybug and Chat Noir persisted in their promise to protect. They patrolled more often, and started to branch out into other crime fighting. Thieves, muggers, carjackers, pickpockets, any sort of criminal was taken care of.

But since they weren’t the police, there was no arrests made. It was mostly just a slap on the wrist and making them return what they’ve stolen. It was effective in the moment, and helped ease some minds about the heroes.

Then came Edward Savauge.  

If there ever was a god on earth, it was Mr. Savauge. A man who held no qualms about doing what needed to be done in business. He held all the cards, could pull any string, and had a lot of people wrapped around his fingers.

By trade, a drug dealer, a pimp, and a casino owner. And he excelled in all of those areas. Ask most people, they had either never heard of him, or pretended not to.

The most powerful man on earth, and his existence was only a rumor.

Until that fateful night when Ladybug and Chat Noir did their evening patrols.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start in the morning, when Marinette and Adrien had to face what would become a minor problem.

Yet felt like the world was crashing down around them.

Marinette’s alarm blared some awful tune at maximum volume. She jumped, flailing, not knowing where she was in her sleep addled mind.

“That’s one way to wake up.” Tikki snickered, having also been startled.

Marinette sat up, her hair a tangled mess, and her legs twisted in her sheets. Blearily, she blinked to wake herself up. What a crummy night’s sleep. It was too hot with the sheets, too cold without them. The bed was just a little lumpy. And there had been an firetruck at work down the street. (Ladybug had checked in. It was just a false alarm) but the truck had remained there for at least an hour with its lights on.

“The point of setting the alarm was to make you actually get up and get to school on time.” Tikki chastised.

Marinette turned her bleary eyes on the floating red dot, and tossed her blanket over it.

“Hey!”

“Snooze.”

“I don’t work like that Marinette! Come on!” She phased through the comforter. “Don’t you want to see Adrien?”

Marinette smiled. “Adrien…” Then she groaned. “Fine!” She actually got up, throwing her blankets off, and got out of bed. Her hair took too long to untangle, her clothes were just a little too tight, or a little too itchy. And despite waking up early, she was still running late.

She threw her hands up into the air in the courtyard. “Anything else wanna go wrong today!? Go on! Take your best shot!”

Oh, how she regretted that.

She walked into the classroom, five minutes before the bell, and the room fell absolutely silent. Lila was sitting on a desk as everyone was gathered around her, but as Marinette entered, they all turned to look at her. The other thing of important note, was that Adrien’s face was bright red and he looked absolutely mortified.

This was very not good.

“G-Good morning?” She asked, tactfully, hoping to break the silence.

“Girl…you’re not serious…”

Marinette looked down at her clothes. She wasn’t wearing her pajamas, right? She didn’t have any embarrassing stains on her clothes, nothing on backwards. “Um…what?”

Alix crossed her arms with a ‘hmph,’ “You know very well what we’re talking about, pervert.”

Pervert? That was really really not good. “I’m…I’m sorry? I’m not sure what you’re talking about?”

Kim backed Alix up. “Lila just spilled. She said she caught you taking pictures of Adrien while he was changing in the locker room.”

Marinette’s eyebrows flew up to her hairline. “I would never do that!”

Alya couldn’t meet her eyes. “I don’t know, girl…you tend to go overboard when it comes to Adrien…”

“But I didn’t!”

“I’m sorry Marinette,” Lila said, pathetic little snivels between words. “I saw you, and I wasn’t going to say anything, because it’s none of my business, but…Adrien is my friend. He deserved to know. Everyone deserved to know.”

She dared to look at Adrien, who still was red and extremely embarrassed. “I would never do that to you.” She told him.

“I believe you.” He assured, but his eyes darted away.

Lila had hit hard and right in the weak spot. Adrien couldn’t support her here, because how would he know?

“Everyone knows you’re basically a stalker,” Alix said again. “Everyone has seen all of his pictures all over your walls.”

“And don’t forget that you have his schedule all written out.” Added Mylene. “And all those plans you made so that you could just be alone together.”

“Marinette, you’re obsessed. And you definitely crossed a line here. You need serious help.” Alya said, concern in her features.

Marinette frowned, her chest unbelievably tight, and her eyes prickling with the tears of betrayal. “So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh? Fine.” She took off her bag, and placed in at her desk, then she stood in the front of the room, and addressed her peers.

“I’m in love with Adrien Agreste.” She announced.

Adrien looked to her, his mouth opening slightly. He didn’t know how far this lie went, but it seemed pretty steep.

“I figured out his schedule, and made a calendar, so I could know where he was at any given point in the day. Because I wanted to be able to find him if I ever actually got up the courage to talk to him. I think he’s super cute, so I hung pictures of him all over my room. And that was easy, since he was a model.” She let out a sob, as tears started rolling down her cheeks.

Bless her heart, Rose started crying too.

She rubbed her cheek with her fist, and sniffed, but continued. “I stole his phone once. I called and left the world’s most embarrassing voicemail. So I stole his phone and deleted it before he could hear it.”

Lila just sat there, looking smug and triumphant. Though no one else saw it, since they were all focused on Marinette.

“Every week, I made a special macaron, passion fruit, just for him. But I never got the courage to ever give it to him. I stole a note he threw away in the trash, that was a love letter for someone, and I dared to hope it was for me, so I responded to it. I even tried to kiss a wax statue of him at the museum…only it turned out it was actually Adrien, and not a statue.”

There was some snickering at that.

“So yeah. I love Adrien. I don’t always think clearly when it comes to him. But I’m a dumb teenager, and I’m allowed to make mistakes and do cringey things.”

She wiped her face and swallowed hard. “But I swear, on all that is good and holy, that I have never taken pictures of him in any context without his permission. I respect him too much for that.” Then she took out her phone, unlocked it, and placed it in front of Adrien. “To prove it, I want you to go through my photos. If there’s any of you that shouldn’t be seen, you’ll be the only one to see them.”  

So the class waited in silence as Adrien swiped through her phone. He checked her recents, and then some other albums, including the biggest one labelled ‘Adrien <3’

“There’s…a lot of pictures of me…” he said sheepishly. “But none of me changing. They all look like they were saved from shoots. Which…isn’t that weird.”

“So,” Marinette spoke up, evening her glare at Lila. “One of us is lying, and it isn’t me.”

Lila pouted, and said with an irritatingly concerned voice, “Well, I’m just glad that you recognized what you were doing was wrong, and decided to delete the pictures.”

Marinette punched the table, overcome with palpable rage.

Adrien glanced around the room, keeping a watch for an akuma. Doubtless, one was on the way.

Marinette seemed to notice this gesture, and took a massive breath. When she spoke, her voice was eerily calm. “What did I do? What made all of you suddenly so eager to distrust me? Since when did I become a liar?”

“Marinette...” Alya tried to say.

“You doomed yourself, Dupain-Cheng.” Said Chloe, speaking for the first time. “If you were willing to do all that other stuff, what’s stopping you from doing this?”

“Because it’s not only wrong, it’s a felony.” She returned.

“So is stealing a phone.”

“I gave it back!” She nearly shouted. “Yes! I get it! I…I have a problem…but I wouldn’t do this. Please believe me, I wouldn’t.”

“But Lila saw you…”

“She’s lying! She’s always lying! All she’s ever done is lied!”

“Marinette,” Lila said, hiding her face in her hands, hiding the fact she wasn’t even crying. “All I ever wanted was to be your friend, but you let your jealousy get in the way of it. You need to face the truth.”

“The truth?” Marinette let out a humorless laugh. “The truth is that I have done everything I could to help everyone in this room. I bent over backwards to arrange parties, to make banners, give encouragement, talk to teachers, stand up to bullies! And the moment I need support, everyone is gone! There’s no proof! No evidence! Just some faked tears from a girl who has lied to get attention.”

She snatched her backpack up from her desk. “Congratulations Lila, you made good on your threat. You’ve turned everyone against me, just like you said you would. But I’m ending things on my own terms.” She glanced around the room. “If you ever need me again, think twice.” She shouldered her backpack to leave, and then looked at Adrien.

He had tears in his eyes, his heart breaking for her.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “For all the immature stuff I did. I…I still love you. I hope you can forgive me.”

Then she bolted, without looking back.  

—

Back at home, Marinette darted into the bakery.

“Marinette! Why are you home? Oh goodness, what happened?” Sabine noticed her daughter’s distress almost immediately.

“Girls are catty and stupid!” She cried out.

Sabine took off her apron and called to her husband. “Tom, I need you to take over the register! Marinette needs me.”

“Okie dokie darling!”

Sabine led her upstairs, as she sobbed and squeaked out everything that had happened. Sabine just held her, hushing her silently.

“And-And then I just…I just left! I didn’t know what else to do!”

“No, honey, leaving was a good idea. That was a terrible thing for your so-called friends to do.” She handed her a cup of tea. “Don’t even worry, darling. I’ll make sure to pick up any homework you miss. There’s no reason for you to have to see your classmates, unless they come groveling and begging for forgiveness.”

Marinette managed a laugh. “Thanks maman.”

Sabine kissed her on the forehead. “So what do you want to do? Wanna watch a movie? Or play some games?”

Marinette shook her head. “I…I just want to be alone for a while.”

Sabine seemed hesitant, the thought of an akuma taking her daughter…

“I’ll be okay. I’m just kind of tired from all the crying. I’m going to lay down. Maybe I’ll watch some funny videos.”

“Okay, honey. but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call for me.” She gave her another kiss, and then returned to the bakery.

Tikki appeared the moment they were alone. “Marinette…” She sniveled. “I’m so sorry…”

“Oh Tikki…” She cupped her in her hands, holding her gently to her cheek. “Thank you. I’m so glad you’re with me.”

“I won’t leave you alone for a second.” The kwami insisted. “Not until you’re smiling again.”

Marinette stood and went upstairs, closing the door behind her. “Will you keep watch?”

“Of course.”

She hooked up her phone to her speakers, and started blasting Jagged Stone as loud as she could stand. The bass rattled in her chest and the shred of the guitar numbed her skull. Over the next few minutes, she went around and yanked every last picture of Adrien off her walls.

When the song ended, and the walls were bare, she collapsed on her chaise, spent and exhausted.

[goldstarnation]

JANUARY 2020 GOLD STAR MEDIA SCHEDULES & REVIEW

Members may earn 3 points each (up to 6 points) for writing, by the end of February 7 KST:

A solo para of 400+ words based on their monthly schedule (does not count toward your monthly total).

A thread of six posts (three per participant, including the starter) based on their monthly schedule.

Threads do not have to take place directly during an important date listed on the schedule, but must be related to what the muse is mentioned to be doing in the paragraph explaining their schedule/the company’s schedule for the month and/or their thoughts on the mentioned activities or lack thereof.

These schedules may be updated throughout the month if new information needs to be added.

Reminder: December schedule posts are due by the end of January 7 KST.

Overall Company

Now that they’ve proven themselves to be the company to beat, Gold Star is more interested in proving the strength of their artists to investors than giving fans the endless stream of content they’d prefer, if the beginning of the year meeting is anything to go by. Gold Star is the dominant idol company in the west, and that’s another title they’re interested in keeping. Compared to past years, the plans shared at this year’s meeting seem much more about image than ever before and many artists under them are only looking at one comeback this year. If nothing else, everyone will have the Seollal break to mull over the company’s evolution.

Important dates:

January 13: Meeting for company artists and those who work directly with them (managers, PR, etc.) headed by CEO Bang Sunyoung. Gold Star Media’s mission statements and overall plans for 2020 will be delivered.

January 24-26: Seollal break (no activities save for specific voluntary individual schedules). 

Various dates (up to individual muse): As per usual January Gold Star custom, all group members and soloists will be required to individually schedule beginning of the year medical check-up appointments on Gold Star’s dollar if they have not had one in the past six months. This will be slightly media-played as it is every year by the company as the company having a clean bill of health regardless of the results, although any medical concerns will be privately addressed.

Gold Star Soloist 1

A final track list for her comeback this year is coming into place with discussions between her and the appropriate departments, although Gold Star gets the final word on it as always. As such, she’ll be in the studio for the month to record final vocals for the narrowing track list. Gold Star has it officially nailed down that she’ll be releasing a single without a music video off the album in March before coming back with the album itself with another single, this time with a music video, in May, after which, she’ll be preparing to tour in the second half of the year.

Important dates:

N/A

Gold Star Soloist 2

She will begin her national tour next month, so January brings with it a lot of late night concert rehearsals at the Gold Star building. In addition to her hits and fan favorite songs, she’ll be performing a few covers at the request of Gold Star’s concert team that she’ll need to be practicing too: an encore dance medley of Bad Guy X Senorita X 2002, a vocal cover of Speechless, and a vocal cover of Into The Unknown. Stage outfit fittings will happen mid-month.

Important dates:

January 18: Tour stage outfit fittings (examples: 1, 2, 3)

Gold Star Soloist 3

The 23rd of this month is his seven year debut anniversary, and as such he’ll be doing a small and simple fanmeeting for his fans before he gets Seollal off. He has a lot of freedom for the fan sign to make the anniversary as genuine as possible, so he’ll get to choose which of his songs he’d like to perform (as long as he includes his most recent singles). Gold Star will supply gifts for all of his fans attend from brands endorsed by other Gold Star artists.

Important dates:

January 23: Seventh anniversary fan meeting at Blue Square Market Hall.

Silhouette

Silhouette will be touring Japan next month. It’s not a tour with very extravagant staging, so they’ll mostly only be rehearsing their top hits, their Japanese songs, and their most recent songs this month to be in top performance shape for the tour. On the 11th, they’ll need to go in to fittings for their stage outfits to make sure all of the stylists’ choices are easy to dance in and flattering to each member.

Important dates:

January 11: Tour stage outfit fittings (examples: 1, 2, 3)

Aria

Aria will be promoting themselves a little past the end of promotions this time around since the holiday season took away so many promotional opportunities for them. They’ll be filming an appearance on the newly-returned Two Two Project: Sugar Man covering A.R.T.’s “Sad Face” to air on the final day of the month. They’ll be rehearsing for the performance for the week and a half leading up to it to give a satisfactory performance. Ticketing will also open for their fanmeeting in March this month.

Important dates:

January 9: End of music show promotions.

January 17: Two Yoo Project: Sugar Man filming (to be aired: January 31)

Origin

Awards season continues, but Gold Star is more focused on the release of a series of three remixes of the b-side “Make It Right” off of their most recent album. It’s mostly to test out public reception and ways to improve radio and streaming performance for future comebacks and none of the remixes require any new vocals from the members. For the new year, they’re beginning a new campaign with the city of Seoul to boost tourism and they’ll be filming separate ads for the campaign. They each only have to film a small scripted intro and outro on the CF set in addition to brief group shots (Leader/main rapper | vocal 1 | lead rapper | main dancer/lead rapper | lead vocal/lead dancer | vocal 2 | maknae/main vocal/lead dancer).

Important dates:

January 5: Performance at Golden Disc Awards Day Two at Gocheok Sky Dome in Seoul, South Korea (also attending: CHARM, Alien, and Impulse).

January 10: Release of “Make It Right (Remix) ft. Lauv”.

January 24: Release of “Make It Right (Remix) ft. Lauv [EDM Remix]”.

January 27: Seoul Tourism CF filming (see above).

January 31: Release of “Make It Right (Remix) ft. Lauv [Acoustic Remix]”.

Impulse

For the month of their sixth anniversary, Impulse members get something of a break. They have the Golden Disc Awards to attend on the 5th and they’ve been chosen as the new brand ambassadors for The Face Shop, meaning they’ll need to shoot their first CF modeling for the brand. They also all do individual photo shoots with one specific product for the brand: The leader/main vocal/lead dancer for essence, the main rapper for mascara, the lead rapper for sunscreen, the lead vocal/lead dancer for primer, the main vocal for a face mask, the lead rapper/lead dancer for lip liner, and the maknae/main dancer/vocal for their signature serum. After that, they’re granted an extended Seollal vacation from the 20th to the 30th to relax before they go back on tour next month.

Important dates:

January 5: Performance at Golden Disc Awards Day Two at Gocheok Sky Dome in Seoul, South Korea (also attending: CHARM, Alien, and Origin).

January 15: The Face Shop CF filming.

January 19: The Face Shop ad photo shoot (see above).

Fuse

Gold Star isn’t planning to wrap up their Fuse Festival trilogy until late summer and after they hold a solo concert in the spring, so there isn’t too much on their schedule this month. Their Hotel del Luna OST releases very early in the month, but it isn’t the major hit some of the other songs on the soundtrack are. Fuse will focus on modeling this month, including a photo shoot for High Cut and CF filming for their new 2020 job as GMarket brand ambassadors.

Important dates:

January 4: Release of Hotel del Luna OST “See The Stars”.

January 9: Photo shoot for Issue 257 (first half of February) of High Cut magazine.

January 20: GMarket CFs filming.

January 30: Performance at Seoul Music Awards at Gocheok Sky Dome in Seoul, South Korea (also attending: BEE, WISH, Alien, Lucid).

Element

From January 16 to January 22 and from January 26 to January 30, the members of Element will be in the U.S. for their North America tour. They’ll be performing three of the four cover stages they did for their North America tour: “If I Can’t Have You”, “Thank U Next”, and “Taki Taki”. While in Los Angeles, they’ll film videos with both Access Hollywood (discussing tour stories of their choice) and Young Hollywood (doing a “mystery box challenge”). There will not be a hired translator present for either video, though management may help to clarify off-camera if ever necessary. By the time they return, Gold Star will have picked their next title track from the options under consideration and confirm them for a May comeback with another digital single.

Important dates:

January 16: Access Hollywood interview filming.

January 17: Young Hollywood Mystery Box Challenge filming.

January 17: 4lement in North America Tour concert at La Mirada Theatre in Los Angeles, CA, USA

January 19: 4lement in North America Tour concert at Theatre of Living Arts in Philadephia, PA, USA.

January 22: 4lement in North America Tour concert at Cullen Performance Hall in Houston, TX, USA.

January 27: 4lement in North America Tour concert at Patio Theater in Chicago, IL, USA. 

January 29: 4lement in North America Tour concert at Buckhead Theatre Atlanta, GA, USA.

Femme Fatale

Following their performance at the Gaon Chart Music Awards, they’re off on the Asia leg of their first world tour. This month they’ll be in Thailand and Indonesia. For the duration of the tour, they’ll be filming a mini-reality series of their rehearsals and travels called Femme Fatale Diaries. They’ll shoot two episodes during their Bangkok stops this month. The series will mostly consist of self-cams by the members backstage, at their hotel, and exploring the city to help fans feel in touch with the members even while they’re busy touring. During the time they’re in Seoul, they’ll be recording the four new tracks on their next mini-album. Though the comeback has not been publically confirmed, hype is already being built for one after their reveal as part of this year’s Coachella lineup in April.

Important dates:

January 8: Performance at Gaon Chart Music Awards at Jamsil Arena in Seoul, South Korea (also attending: BEE, Alien, and Lucid).

January 10: Femme Fatale In Your Area World Tour concert at IMPACT Arena in Bangkok, Thailand.

January 11: Femme Fatale In Your Area World Tour concert at IMPACT Arena in Bangkok, Thailand. 

January 12: Femme Fatale In Your Area World Tour concert at IMPACT Arena in Bangkok, Thailand. 

January 18: Femme Fatale In Your Area World Tour concert at Indonesia Convention Exhibition in Jakarta, Indonesia. 

January 19: Femme Fatale In Your Area World Tour concert at Indonesia Convention Exhibition in Jakarta, Indonesia. 

[enchantedsugden]

there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear

ao3 link 

robert doesn't hide his taste in music anymore and instead tries to get his husband to listen to the songs he loves. 

have a fic about robert's love for music and taylor swift.

-------------

He loved it, absolutely loved it. That wonderful giddy feeling that good music gave him present in his whole body. His coffee had gone cold but other than that nothing had changed, he was still in the same position as he was when he pressed play. Robert was on the couch, knees pressed to his chest phone in hand, the Mill still quiet in the relatively early morning, Aaron and Liv both enjoying a lie in after their night of GCSE celebrations yesterday.

  Robert hadn’t been able to get back to sleep after he had first woken up. After watching his husband for a bit he decided to get himself a coffee to take back up. Waiting around for the water to boil he had scrolled on his phone, sighing when he stumbled across an email from Spotify. Making a mental note to put a stop to those emails he was about to click on a different email when something caught his eye.

Taylor Swift. After he had made that one jokey comment to Aaron years ago it was now kind of a running joke. It wasn’t just a joke though, and after years of being with Aaron he made less and less of an effort to hide his music taste. ‘Cheesy teen pop’ his husband would still call it, while said husband would nod to music that Robert would also class as teen pop. And maybe there were some cd’s that technically belonged to him and that were pretty much teen pop scattered around the place but so what? Robert also never managed to forget that Aaron had once called it ‘quite sweet’ which had also become some sort of running joke. Aaron using those words and Robert being called them always something that made them both blush and laugh.

Before Robert’s mind had the time to drift off to thoughts about court, prison, leaving Aaron and his family, the water had boiled and Robert spied whoever’s earphones on the kitchen table. Abandoning the idea of going back to bed he decided to distract himself by actually listening to the album. When he was younger he was always on top of release dates and new music from his favourite artists but nowadays he’d be lucky if he got to listen to new stuff within a week of it coming out. Not that he minded, his life right now one that he absolutely loved but sitting down peacefully to listen to new albums remained one of those things he just loved doing. Because that was his way of doing it, one Aaron didn’t understand. Aaron would listen to new stuff at work, in the car or while clearing up around the house. Robert didn’t, anticipated albums needed appreciation he would explain to a laughing Aaron time and time again whenever he’d announce that he didn’t want to be disturbed.

Settling down he pressed stream now, an almost embarrassing excitement sizzling through him. 

  So he loves it. Resisting the urge to play his favourites again, he pulls out the earphones listening out for any signs of life. There are none either from his husband or Liv which means Robert could even do his next album ritual in peace, another thing his husband liked to mock him lovingly about. Robert loved lyrics, he also loved showing Aaron lyrics that reminded him of his husband or reminded him of them which was probably quite embarrassing but who needed to know? Aaron was the only person he needed to show those words to, the only one who got it although the younger man liked to pretend his husband was just being an annoying romantic, but the soft look in his eyes (after he had rolled them dramatically) told Robert enough.

Aaron was one of those people that claimed not to pay attention to lyrics he just liked the beat. Robert couldn’t understand that to save himself, while also knowing that this wasn’t always the case for his husband. Evidence for this clearly there when Aaron would mumble along to their playlist, and when in a soppy mood would even give Robert quick glances and soft smiles at what the older man liked to refer as relatable lyrics.

After reheating his coffee Robert settles himself down again ready to hit play all over again but this time intending to listen to the lyrics closely.

   The last songs fades away and there’s rustling right next to him. Opening his eyes he’s met with Liv’s confused expression. The younger girl seems to be working out whether there is cause for concern or not.

“Are you alright?” She asks, her expression half amusement half worry.

“What- yeah?” Robert replies, taking out the earphones.

“Were you….crying?”

“I was what- no of course not-“ he wants to say more but suddenly Aaron’s coming down the stairs, eying him up. “He was what?” he says looking in between him and Liv.

“I wasn’t crying” Robert says almost indignant.

“Why are your eyes slightly red then?” Liv counters “or were you sleeping down here?”

Robert refuses to believe he actually cried because he just can’t have done. “I was just listening to music” he gestures vaguely to his phone. To his surprise Liv bursts out laughing at that “please tell me you didn’t-”

“What?” Aaron all but interrupts and now looking more confused than ever.

“Were you listening to Taylor’s new album?”

“You know she has a new one out?” there’s this feeling of almost betrayal that Liv didn’t inform him about this, realising too late what he must sound like.

“Unbelievable” Aaron mutters, walking over to the kitchen clearly leaving his husband and sister to it now it’s registered with him that Robert was crying about bloody teen pop and not something life threatening.

“I can’t believe you listened to it before me” Liv continues “not sure if I still want to listen now I know you’ve related it all to you and Aaron.”

“I have not!”

“Quite sure about that?” Liv laughs “you always get soppy when it comes to love songs.”

“Liv leave him alone” Aaron says in an amused voice shaking his head fondly. If Robert hadn’t felt quite so embarrassed he would have laughed at the domesticity of it all.

“Have you eaten Rob?” Aaron continues probably noticing Robert’s slight embarrassment. He tells him he hasn’t yet and heads over to the kitchen to help his husband with breakfast, not before shoving Liv playfully on the way though.

  During breakfast Robert thinks about the songs that definitely need adding to his and Aaron’s playlist.

  “See ya later. Don’t listen to too much Taylor while working eh?” Aaron grins kissing him on the head, the younger man about to head to the yard.

“Shut up” Robert grins back, glad Liv isn’t here to hear this conversation, the younger girl having gone out for another day of celebrations.

“But you should definitely check on our playlist later, during your break or whatever” he tries.

“Absolutely not.”

  He tries again during lunch, unsuccessfully.

He’s making himself a quick bite to eat when his husband comes through the door.

“Hey, didn’t expect you here for lunch, thought you were busy.”

“Trying to get rid of me already are ya” Aaron grins quickly pecking him on the lips.

“Wouldn’t dare.”

“Nah, I’ve got enough time for a proper lunch hour so I’d thought I’d get home. What I was really hoping for was catching you dancing around the place. I’m bitterly disappointed.”

“As if I would dance on my own eh” Robert laughs before carefully adding “have you listened to the ones I’ve added to our playlist.”

“What do you think.”

“Oh Aaron please- there’s only a few.”

“Too many for me. Make me some of that will ya.”

   Robert knew he could make Aaron listen to the songs he had added to their playlist eventually and the time had finally come. Lying on their bed, earphones in he waited for his husband who was just finishing up in the bathroom. Robert was almost certain that with his guard down Aaron wouldn’t say no to him.

The door opened revealing the younger man now freshly showered, all sleepy smiles and soft hair.

“Hey” Robert smiled, watching Aaron come closer to the bed. “Hey” Aaron said softly, coming to a standstill just before he’s about to climb in “this is where you are gonna make me listen to Taylor Swift innit?”

“Please” Robert grinned knowing he had won.

“Only because I don’t have energy for much else and I can’t take your begging for much longer”

“I didn’t do any begging thank you very much.”

“Sure about that? Well let’s hear it then.”

Suddenly Robert felt almost nervous which was stupid but he couldn’t help it. He shifted closer to Aaron, his head touching the younger man’s shoulder and he handed over one earphone. “Listen properly” he almost demanded and Aaron let out a laugh.

“And I thought you’d be more grateful. Robert I know you remember, you want me to listen to the lyrics I know that.”

“Okay, well then. This first song is a love song.”

Aaron rolled his eyes “I should think so, why else would it be on our playlist, added by Mr. Hopeless Romantic himself.” As a reply Robert could only glance at his husband.

 (Lover)

‘Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever.’

During the chorus Robert looked up at Aaron who met his glance and smiled softly.

“I quite like it” he whispered softly and Robert could practically feel himself lighting up, a beaming smile on his face.

‘I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover.’

Robert couldn’t help watching his husband’s face at this bit. This line in the bridge standing out to him straight away when he listened to the song for the first time.

“You about me innit.” Aaron said, not even looking at Robert but sensing he was staring at him. Robert couldn’t help but laugh at that comment even though it was of course no word of a lie.

‘And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me, and at every table, I’ll save you a seat, lover.’

“I can definitely see why you relate to this song so much. You and your dirty jokes” Aaron grinned.

“It’s about us both- you idiot. And it’s you who’s always saving me a spot at the pub.” Aaron blushed slightly at that before looking at Robert and smiling softly “I guess you’re right, lover.” Robert grinned again, feeling ridiculously happy that his husband was actually enjoying this.

As the song finished Robert said “so one for our next wedding then huh.”

“We need to break up first before we have another wedding.”

“Oi, not necessarily” Robert laughed, looking for the next song he wanted Aaron to hear.

  “Right talking about wedding’s, I really like this song- it’s a happy one.”

“Well yeah that would be nice” Aaron replied sarcastically.

  (Paper Rings)

‘I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings.’

“Did she-“ Aaron started laughing “wow this song really is made for you, you love shiny things.”

“Yeah, but I would have married you with a paper ring if I had to.”

“Hmm- might have been safer and all what with you going back in the water for a bloody ring.” It wasn’t something they talked about often and when they did it was either during a serious conversation or like this, a thrown away comment. Another one of those things that now seemed like almost a lifetime ago.

“I guess” Robert half smiled, lifting his head up so he could look at the other man properly. “I had to though. It seemed right.”

“I know I know” Aaron shushed him, reassuring him that he wasn’t angry about it, wasn’t ever really. Just glad that Robert wasn’t hurt during that romantic but definitely quite (very) stupid gesture.

 ‘I want to drive away with you, I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays.’

They listened to the rest of the song in silence. Aaron with a smile on his face, the hand that was resting on his stomach tapping along in time with the beat. When the song finishes Robert looks up at him expectantly. “Yeah liked it, good beat I guess.” Robert nodded happily knowing that was a glowing review from Aaron. “So a good addition to the playlist then?” Aaron couldn’t resist rolling his eyes but he nodded regardless.

 “Right-“ Robert started. “So this is a breakup song.”

“You put a breakup song on the playlist?” Aaron exclaimed.

“Well- yeah. But not all of the songs on there are happy, are they?” He questioned.

“Not sure, hope most are though” Aaron frowned.

“Do listen though. It doesn’t actually sound sad, it’s just the lyrics that are sad.” Robert tried to explain probably rather clumsily.

“C’mon then.”

 (Death By A Thousand Cuts)

‘I get drunk, but it’s not enough. Cause the morning comes and you’re not my baby.’

‘I see you everywhere, the only thing we share is this small town.’

Robert has his eyes on Aaron’s face while listening, but the younger man doesn’t give anything away. Maybe it’s because Aaron doesn’t recognize himself in the lyrics. Robert definitely does.

‘You said it was a great love, one for the ages.’

At this Aaron frowns, looking down at Robert who still has his head on his shoulder. The older man gives him a tiny smile and Aaron mirrors it, a knowing glint to the look in his eyes.

‘Tryna find a part of me that you didn’t touch.’

Robert remembers hearing that line for the first time and the panic that almost clawed at his chest. He couldn’t help think that Aaron might have felt that way back when they were broken up. He looks at Aaron carefully, the movement alerting the other man. Aaron just moves his head a bit so it’s touching Robert’s but he doesn’t say anything yet. When it finishes Robert grabs his phone to stop the next song from playing. “So, what do you think?”

“I get what you mean- it wasn’t sad but it was” Aaron states and Robert nods.

“Shall I take it out of our playlist?” Robert asks.

“No- don’t. I do like it.”

“I do too, just glad I don’t feel like that anymore.” Robert laughs half-heartedly.

“When you used to get drunk a lot.” Aaron says, moving his head slightly so that he can look at Robert.

“Uh yeah, I guess” Robert says, hadn’t really expected Aaron to remember any of the lyrics.

“Does the song remind you of me and Alex?” Aaron asks suddenly and Robert’s eyes widen, a heavy weight suddenly pressing on his chest.

“No-“ he stammers.

“Sorry-“ Aaron says, a sad look on his face. “I didn’t mean to make you upset- sorry.” He was shaking his head and Robert wanted the sad look on his husband’s face to go away.

“I am not upset- it’s fine honestly. Well I mean like I guess it makes me think of all sorts you know? Everything that happened during that time, so also you with someone else but not just that” he tried to explain. It was starting to become a weird conversation but Robert preferred to just keep talking instead of changing the subject. They were so solid and secure now that they always tried to have difficult conversations even if their first instinct told them to change or dismiss the subject.

Aaron nods understandingly “I never tried to get rid of you though, not really. I couldn’t. I never wanted to forget certain memories, things we did, things we loved.”

Robert feels dangerously close to tears. Deep down he had known this, the things Aaron had told him the night they got back together and the days and even weeks after that confirming it for him time and time again.

The way Aaron had once again been able to read him so easily should probably almost scare him but it didn’t, it never would. “I am glad” is all he could say and Aaron smiled at him beautifully, moving his head again so it was touching Robert’s.

 “So is the next song another sad but also not sad one” Aaron said breaking the silence.

Robert shook his head “no, we have had them all.”

“Seriously?! But we’ve only had three songs.”

“I know- there are loads on the actual album but not all appropriate for our playlist.”

“Oh” Aaron almost sounded disappointed and Robert laughed dropping a kiss to Aaron’s shoulder. “You enjoyed our little listening party then?” Aaron didn’t respond seeming lost in thought. “Hey” Robert tried as a way of getting the younger man’s attention.

“Which song made you cry then?”

“I wasn’t crying” Robert tries unsuccessfully, to be honest he’d almost forgotten about being caught by Liv (and Aaron) and had hoped the younger man had forgotten as well.

“I know you were, you always cry at songs and movies, I know you.”

Robert sighed and Aaron added “I am not laughing at you or anything, I just want to know, I am curious.”

“I wasn’t really crying though- it just-“ Robert tried finding the right words.

“Got to you” Aaron filled in for him and he nodded. He picked up his phone stretching his arm over his husband’s stomach.

 When he had properly listened to the lyrics of the song it had shocked him how much it seemed to be about him. How appropriate it had seemed for certain moments in his life, especially those involving Aaron. He didn’t want to end their night on a sad note and with the way Aaron could read him so well he wasn’t sure if he could avoid it.

“Right, here ya go” Robert said burying his face into the crook of Aaron’s neck. He had skipped the song a few times today because even though he loved it, it did bring up memories and thoughts that weren’t all happy and he’d been wanting to avoid feeling upset.

 (Afterglow)

‘I blew things out of proportion, now you’re blue. Put you in jail for something you didn’t do.’

Only a few words into the song, Robert could feel his husband trying to look at him but Robert didn’t move.

‘Chemistry ‘till it blows up, ‘till there’s no us. Why’d I have to break what I love so much? It’s on your face, and I’m to blame. I need to say.’

There was more movement from the younger man but Robert decided to not respond. He let Aaron grab his hand though. Letting him link their fingers together resting their hands on his stomach.

‘Hey, it’s all me, in my head. I’m the one who burned us down. But it’s not what I meant. Sorry that I hurt you. I don’t wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you. I don’t wanna lose, I don’t wanna lose this with you.’

The chorus spoke to Robert on a different level, his jaw dropping when he heard it for the first time. They were all the words Robert had wanted to say to Aaron, multiple times during their journey to get where they were now. And not just then also now. Because wasn’t it exactly what had happened again. He was facing life in prison, he was about to mess up everything they had known once again. He hadn’t meant for it to happen, he never did. He felt the familiar feeling of self-hatred pulsing through his body, the feeling of his tears building up. He didn’t ever want to ruin things between him and Aaron but why did it sometimes feel like that’s all he did.

‘It’s so excruciating to see you low. Just wanna lift you up and not let you go.’

Wasn’t that always the truth when it came to Aaron. It’s why Aaron still believes Robert will probably only go down for a year. The truth will kill Aaron and he wants to postpone it for as long as he possible can even though he knows the younger man won’t thank him for it.

“Rob you awake?” Aaron mutters, untangling their hands so he can touch his shoulder gently.

“Yeah” Robert responds, lifting his head up to see Aaron who’s smiling down at him softly. He shifts so they are now just laying next to each other.

“Robert, if you think that song is about you, you’re wrong. It’s about both of us.”

“You always do that” Robert says knowing what Aaron means. The younger man always ready to defend Robert against his own mind. How many times had he told Robert that the reason they didn’t work out all the times before wasn’t just on him.

“Because I am right” Aaron counters, smiling. “But I will tell you every day if I have to. We both made mistakes and we will continue to do so in the future god knows, but you know as well as I do that we are already so much better than we ever were. We’re a team. As long as we share stuff and communicate it’s going to be okay. In all seriousness Robert, you know I hate to think that you still carry all that blame. We’re amazing now let’s enjoy it yeah? We deserve it.”

Robert nodded trying to swallow away the lump that had formed in his throat during his husband’s little speech. Reassuring words from Aaron were always able to make him feel safe and secure but now it also made his guilt almost unbearable. But he can’t tell him, can’t wipe away the soft smile on his husband’s face, the way his eyes are watching him expectantly.  

“I love you so so much” is what Robert tells him instead.

“I love you more” Aarons says lifting himself up to drop a kiss to his forehead, nose and finally his lips. Robert sighs letting himself sink into this content feeling completely. We’re amazing now let’s enjoy it his husband had said and he was going to bury himself in all the happy moments they were still going to have. He lifts himself up to return the favour, grabbing Aaron’s face and kissing him deeply.

 They lay there like that for a while, just enjoying the silence.

Robert grins, a question forming on his lips “shall we listen again?”

“You better be joking. I just want to sleep now.”

Robert laughs fondly “but you know where to find them.”

“Mhh” Aaron mumbles sleepily.

  And If Robert catches his husband listening to some of their news songs tomorrow nobody else would have to know.

[the-hopeless-haze]

Lover Song Ranking

I know everyone will be doing these but this is the correct ranking. FIGHT ME IF YOU DISAGREE

(from best to worst)

Soon You’ll Get Better —- Yeah hot take, I know, and I probably can’t listen to this song that often either because I will cry like a baby just like every time I listen to Ronan... but to be able to achieve that in minutes, to bring out that raw human emotion... it’s more than any of the other songs do. Maybe you don’t want that from a song? I don’t know. Maybe it’s too much. But I think it deserves number one. Any song that can make me cry I will hate and love equally sooooo...

Lover - okay yeah this one is just what LOVE feels like okay, ladies and gentlemen, Taylor did it, she figured out how to put it into words. Congrats Taylor you’ve succeeded!!! I hope I find something like this someday! I’m glad I’m actually in a healthy place to enjoy this song though.

Cruel Summer - I mean come on that production though!! Also “I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard”???? Taylor?????

I Forgot That You Existed — maybe another hot take but I really relate to this one right now and I like the attitude. It’s a great album opener

The Archer — I really like this one but I kinda listened to it too much when it came out so it’s kinda not as novel to me anymore.

Paper Rings- I was really surprised by this one! I like this one a lot. Very 2000s lmao

I Think He Knows — cute. I like how she sings on this one

ME! - I love Brendon Urie and this song slaps! Fight me! This is a good song! It’s cheesy but I love it. I will scream SPELLING IS FUN until I lose my voice

Death by a Thousand Cuts - I love the BRIDGE!

Daylight- Taylor said step into the motherfucking daylight and let it go lmao. I really think this is a good message! Like legit just learn your lessons and move on! Anxiety does not serve anyone!!! I need to learn from this!!!

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince— I like the high school references but I am slightly scared that like Taylor, I’ll never get over the horrors of high school ahhhh... but I am aware this is probably just a metaphor cut me slack I’ve been up since 6:30am

Afterglow - It’s important to admit your faults in your relationships everyone!

London Boy- lmao this one is cute and pretty funny but I will probably never relate unless I move to England and all I can date is English men

You Need to Calm Down- kinda a mess Bc it doesn’t know if it wants to be a fuck the haters anthem or a pride anthem or a feminist? Anthem... and like... okay taylor said let’s try all 3. It grew on me but there are better songs on the album

Cornelia Street- this one will need to grow on me because honestly its kinda mediocre right now. I feel like it may move up with future listens

It’s Nice to Have a Friend— cute and kinda weird? Idk I like the falling in love as friends kinda thing... but it’s just weird and not fleshed out imo

The Man - TAylor you should’ve named this something else because as a Killers’ fan, all that comes to mind is their far superior hit “The Man” when I see that title. This song will always fall flat for this reason, I’m sorry taylor!!!

False God— this song was done a disservice by being placed directly after Soon You’ll Get Better and I was still crying so this may move up... but Taylor honey? Whyyyyyy the hell did you put this here? Imo Soon You’ll Get Better should’ve been before Daylight? I mean, I guess there isn’t a great place for such a sad song when you just can’t have any other songs that upsetting but False God is far too jarring after Soon You’ll Get Better so it suffers in my ranking for that reason.