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adaptacy · 1 year ago

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If you are taking requests, I have a pairing that I do not ever see enough of: Gale x Durge. Specifically resisting the urge type Durge. Starved for content as I am, I’d be happy with whatever is written about the two. But I’d love something involving Durge nearly killing their lover or the reveal of Durge being one of the orchestrators of the Absolute plot. In game, those scenes feel far too underdeveloped.

Durge playthrough spoilers blow the cut (Shadow-cursed lands, Last Light Inn stuff. No act 3 spoilers)

so, I haven't gotten to that far into my durge playthru but I did get to the part where you try and kill your lover and to nobody's surprise that happened to be Gale!! i was actually kinda terrified that he was going to die bcs, in my defense, I did try to kill Isobel but Marcus or whatever-his-name-was got the last blow on her first and I was devastated that Gale was gonna have to pay the price for my low damage roll. in the end ofc it was worth it cause he tied my durge up and, I mean, who's gonna complain abt that??

ANYWAYS point is, yes, I agree, I wish that scene was more fleshed out too and I am more than happy to oblige and build on the scene that we were given! Also fun fact, I hadn't actually confirmed the relationship with Gale when this scene happened but the night directly after I tried to kill him he showed me his... 'tower'. And given how horny he gets watching tav/durge beat ppl up in the shadow cursed lands, i do not think that was a coincidence LMAO

No Sceleritas here cause I'm just gonna get to the good part :D — also durge here is gonna be sorta resisting the urge, but has more or less been allowing it to fester, just not embracing it.

Gorgeous was an understatement.

Busy days — waking hours occupied by wars, sight filled only with the flashes of spells and showers of blood — were all you knew. Nights were barely any break. Smiles were more common at camp, but given the near complete lack of smiles outside of camp, it wasn't saying much. There wasn't much time to be at camp, as the original mission to rid yourselves of the tadpoles grew messier and messier with every passing battle, and each matter was more pressing than the last.

You didn't mind, really. While you were just as eager to get the incubating creature out of your head as the rest of your group, each new quest and mission brought along with it the promise of bloodshed. Adrenaline. Victory. A momentary but exorbitantly satisfying quenching of your thirst for violence. A thirst you first found unsettling and terrifyingly unfamiliar.

When you first found yourself gazing down at the bloodied body of a stranger, dreaming of the torturous pain they must have felt when they met their fate, you were disgusted. Couldn't believe where your thoughts had wandered.

You'd fought it. Refrained from telling the others for fear of being ridiculed, or losing their trust, or scaring them. For a while, you'd fought it. But scarlet liquids, screams of terror, and slaughter had become your routine.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

Peace. Security. Naivete.

One knee bent, the other lazily stretched out, the bedroll barely containing the length of his body. One hand under his head, the other by his side. His eyes were closed, the soft hazel only ever plagued by a buried longing was hidden from you now. His hair spread over one arm and on the thin straw pillow beneath his head, more messy than he'd ever let it be seen while he was awake.

His right cheekbone had a bruise on it from where he'd hit himself with the butt of his staff while swinging it, and you recalled finding time to chuckle at his mistake in the middle of the battle. Being a few feet away, he'd heard it, and couldn't help but look over at you, his cheeks red from more than the blunt force, his mouth pulled back in an embarrassed smile. The moment of shame had earned him a punch to the side from his opponent moments before Astarion managed to stick them with his own blade, saving Gale from a worse fate.

Even down here, far from the surface, it was warm enough — perhaps from the fire that burned a mere two, maybe three, feet away — for Gale to concede and discard his shirt, resting more comfortably in a pair of indigo pants.

He had been honest about his appetites. His cravings. He was hardly hesitant about revealing that part of himself to you — fortunately, he was plenty aware of the consequences that would be wrought upon you, and the rest of the group, should he risk being unable to consume artifacts if he kept his secret.

Even Astarion, who's affliction was much closer to your own, was honest about his needs. It took a lot longer, and you're not sure how things would have gone over had you not woken up the night he planned to feast on you, but his admission did occur.

You were aware of the risks of your secret. You always yearned for more, even when you were positively drenched in crimson, when you'd been messy enough in your strikes that bathing in the river the following evening caused the water around you to be tainted a diluted red. Everything was temporary. Even the satisfaction derived from fights that left your weapon with such thick clumps of gore that Gale had to hold the shaft while you scrubbed away, as if the fight itself hadn't been taxing enough on your exhausted body.

Yet they all remained unaware. Some picked up on it better than others; Lae'zel's compliments, however shallow they often were, had picked up in frequency as you allowed your hunger to get the best of you, undoubtedly giving you some heartless upper hand against the foes forced to face off against your party. Karlach found you delightful, affectionately doting over you as you imitated her own battle-induced rages, though she didn't quite pick up on your lingering stares or mild smirks when your appetite had been satisfied.

Gale was the closest to discovering the truth. Unsurprising, given your mutual favoritism for one another. When you'd butchered Alfira, you'd been quick to blame wolves. Shadowheart, immediately discomforted at the mention, believed you without a second thought. Lae'zel had jumped to blame the Tiefling's lack of defense. Astarion seemed unbothered at best. The others were too busy mourning the bard's early demise to ask questions.

But he'd found you later, kneeling by the river, just before bed. 'A devastating misfortune she suffered. A sweet, innocent soul. Misfortune is perhaps the only apt term for the loss. Terribly curious, it is — To be so savagely slaughtered by beasts that aren't even native to these woods.'

You remembered freezing, fear flashing in a quick rush across your vision, knowing his eyes were on you, studying your reaction. He was so close. You'd agreed — 'an unfortunate fate indeed' — and he'd said goodnight.

Never again was it brought up. Never again was it questioned.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

That was, perhaps, the worst misfortune of all. He had such undying curiosity about the world, and yet that curiosity never reached you, or your intentions, or your past. Too trusting.

The camp was quiet. Crackling flames, distant whispers from the shadows hanging just beyond the light's reach, and his soft, patterned, blissful breathing. His chest rose and fell, so helplessly gentle.

His staff leaned up against a rock several feet away, alongside with everyone's weapons, save for Astarion, who preferred to keep his daggers close. Today had been no different from the rest; the battles had been taxing, only seeming to increase in difficulty the further you wandered into the shadows. He'd given it his all today, and it had been worth it, as you'd managed yet another day without losing any member of your party. As he'd explained it, the more of the weave he manipulated, the weaker his spells got — at least until he was able to rest.

He lay before you, undoubtedly sapped by the day's events. Defenseless.

And gorgeous was an understatement.

Three bruises. One on his cheekbone, one persistent discoloration that sat in the middle of the dark mark of the orb, and one on his side where he'd been assaulted by the undead in his moment of distraction. In a blink, your fingers grace the bruise on his side, and they tingle. Being fresh, the blemishes swirl a deep purple into his light skin, nearly matching the tint of his pants.

Purple was his best color, wasn't it?

The twitch of your fingertips sends a pulse through your body, and you taste an itch in the back of your throat. The tadpole squirms, you can feel its short wriggle behind your eye, but its control falters. Some other sensation warms your body, easing you into a malleable, thinning consciousness, and your gaze trails slowly, drunkenly, over his torso.

Three bruises. Clear, stuck to his skin like the stars he so fondly recalls. So far from the view of the sky, and yet you find a constellation still. Another blink, and your right leg has crossed over his waist. However forgotten your past is, it grants you a waking dream, as vivid as reality; Gale Dekarios, laying under you much like he was now, his pretty face littered with prettier bruises that dot all the way down to his shoulders, his neck red and swollen, branded by the picturesque imprint of hands.

Your hands.

And gorgeous is an understatement.

It's distinct. The pulse of his arteries, teasing the gift of blood beneath his skin, purring under your fingers as they push, your thumbs hitched underneath his jaw, pressuring the veins. Your own heart is thumping, encouraging your desires, urging you to indulge.

You've tasted vindication like this before. When you awoke to the spectacle of Alfira's maimed corpse, there was serenity like nothing you knew possible. It came underlined by pride, your work preciously appalling, and you relished the piece, the art macabre and perfect.

The sweeter the canvas, the finer the design.

Gale was nothing if not sweet.

"My — Hardly the sight I was expecting to wake to."

Another blink, and his bruises are gone, save for the contusion on his cheek. Absent are the inscriptions of your hands on his neck, and his hazel eyes are revealed to you once more. Though you don't remember moving it, your hand presses against the black circle on his chest, palm pining for his throat.

You're unable to move. Unable to control yourself. Unable to win back your own consciousness. Gale props himself up on his elbows. His heart rate has picked up, and yet you don't sense fear. The curiosity in his eyes is familiar. The quirk in his left eyebrow and the smirk playing on the corner of his mouth is not.

"I do assume you meant to wake me, eventually. No harm," he says, gaze narrowing, and your lack of a response makes him huff out a chuckle, or at least part of one, as it only lasts a beat. Your eyes are pinned to his throat, reaching to find the comfort of your imagination's lens again, but your dream has been interrupted. At last, your eyes meet his, and it's the hazel that causes the tadpole to squirm again, awakening your senses once more. Gale moves one of his hands to rest on your waist, and his head recoils ever so slightly. "You look uncomfortable. What's wrong?" He asks, and you're able to sense a less pleasant curiosity, but it's still free of fearful influence.

"I'm going to kill you. You have to stop me."

His eyes widen, and still, there is no fear. He doesn't believe you. "A rather twisted joke... Not one I find particularly humorous. Albeit, humor is subjective, although–"

"I killed Alfira. You're next. No time – you have to stop me," you huff, and your confession brings on a raging headache, unlike any pain you've ever felt before. You lean forward, teeth grit as you groan, and Gale squeezes your hip for a moment. Though the reverberations in your head are overwhelming at the least, you finally catch a hint of fear from the wizard, and you're thankful for it. At least a part of you is, though the beast that brings on your headache is only bubbling to a rage, furious that you would dare turn against your thoughts. You've not committed a betrayal against your own conscience, but instead, betrayed your destiny, refusing some urge that is larger than yourself.

With what little remaining control you have, you push yourself off of him, and he's quick to rise to his feet. Your eyes squeeze closed, fighting the unwelcome entity with the rest of your energy, though given your excursions earlier in the day, that energy is quickly dwindling. Your knees press to the dirt, the heels of your palms pressing to your temples as you keel over, an aggressive, roaring nausea plaguing your senses, soon joined by an even more violent malignity that rips into your control as though it means to test you.

You want him dead.

A wonderful bath his blood would provide — A marvelous crack his bones would sing — A remarkable terror he could feel. He will suffer.

There's a firm squeeze on your arms as they're yanked behind your back, and you writhe, fighting your cravings as they fight your containment. The hold is followed by a burning scrape on your wrists as they are hastily, and uncomfortably tightly, bound by rope. Your head swings, but Gale manages to pull back in time, his reflex causing his grip to falter, and you fall to your side, rolling towards his bedroll.

He frowns, eyebrows pinched inward and he kneels in place, a few paces away, reading the situation and assessing just how much of a threat you pose. Gale glances at where Shadowheart and Karlach lie, still miraculously sleeping soundly despite the struggle occurring no more than two yards from where they reside. His attention returns to you. "Easy. Should you retain any control, I merely request that you refrain from indulging in... whatever your intentions may have been. Greedy as it may be, an explanation certainly wouldn't hurt."

There's a command, conjuring as a sensation rather than a verbal declaration, and it rings through your entire body. You're unable to decipher the apparition's ambition, but your muscles act nonetheless. It fights — you fight — against the rope, and there's a flare of savage discontent when you're unable to free yourself. "You're better off as my prey! You will suffer a purgatory worse than any of the hells could manage," you bark, and your words are not your own. The control he speaks of is entirely silenced, leaving you an unwilling vessel, forced to submit to the will of your past.

"Not the answer I would have preferred, but an answer nonetheless. Yelling will only stir the others from their slumber, and I predict they won't be as understanding as yours truly. You should consider taking up a quieter tone," he advises, and you growl, forcing rashes into your wrists as you wage a war on your binds.

"I will spill your blood before this night is through!" You yell again, and Karlach shifts where she sleeps, stirring a flash of worry in his expression. "Wake them! I'll slaughter them all the same!"

Gale cringes, conflicted for only a moment before he overcomes his internal argument, and he quickly rushes to your side. You bite at him with a rabid ferocity, and he sits behind you, pulling your body closer to his own, even as you squirm and fight him. Shadowheart mumbles, bordering on the edge of lucidity, and Gale curses out a whispered "Godsdamn it." He huffs, irritated just as much as he is scared, and his palm presses to your mouth, his thumb keeping your jaw shut — or at least trying to keep it shut — as your head is pulled against his shoulder.

You mumble, fervently antagonizing him, your muffled words being split up only by the subtle flinching of your jaw as you attempt to bite at his hand, all to no avail. His grasp is tight, nearly rough, keeping you as restrained as possible, and he watches Karlach and Shadowheart with apprehensive dread, his focus painfully split between concern for you and fear of you.

Gale looks down at you, his expression firm and yet, against all odds and expectations, somehow understanding, even if it is incredibly mild. "I've seen you tear apart the most ferocious of beasts. Foes that would make Bhaal himself tremble. You always prevail. You must defeat this — whatever it is." He nods, but his encouragement is not what you want to hear; you thirst for his terror, you thirst for his pleading, you want to see him tremble. His tone softens, and he squeezes your jaw, almost tenderly. "I'm right here. No blood will be shed tonight. Fight to your heart's content; I will not give in. You cannot give in, either."

Your heart is all that remains of your better judgement, and it aches at his promise, though the guilt and appreciation is quickly whisked away by your burning rage, your need for violence. You persist, as does he, correcting your every shift, no matter how exhausted he grows. Certainly the most stern you've ever seen him — more disciplined than you knew he could be, but you have little room in your mind to process that. You despise the way that he cares, the fact that he is just gentle enough not to injure you as he restricts you, the understanding in his expression, the near nurturing tone he takes on.

Yet it's the affection that eventually subsides your bloodlust, willing it to retire, however angry it remains. Angry at the loss, angry at the incompetence, angry at the devotion. Devotion to the wrong subject. Gale wins, ultimately — and by some affiliation, so too do you. A temporary victory, you're well-aware, but even if it isn't permanent, your body becomes your own, your thoughts and feelings along with it.

Exhaustion is the first burden you bear upon your return, and Gale is hesitant to ease his grasp on you, but he takes the risk, and you can't muster the energy to move away from him. Your head pangs with a narrow pain, manifesting as a faint ringing in your ears, and your wrists sear with sharp bites from the fraying rope. His hand releases your mouth, shifting quickly to your shoulder as your torso threatens to fall over, your buried rancor having completely wasted away the last of your energy.

Gale sighs, his own muscles easing up as he inches backwards, allowing you to lean more comfortably, and with a bit more stability, against his chest. One of his arms stays displayed over your abdomen, quite possibly still a little worried you might lash out again, and you didn't blame him for exercising caution. You lean into him, mostly because you lack the energy to do much else, but also because you want him to understand that you are beyond appreciative. "I'm sorry," you mumble, your voice hoarse and barely above a whisper — barely audible at all, really.

"I know. You're okay. Rest now, you'll certainly require some form of rejuvenation if we intend on defeating Ketheric and... Well, repressing whatever it is that you find yourself cursed with. And I assure you, I do so unquestionably intend on assisting you with your affliction. After all, I'm quite fond of my vitals, and I've no interest in seeing them spilled." Gale's tone is almost lighthearted, but genuine still.

His arm releases you, and he guides you to rest your head in his lap, allowing you to experience a little more comfort. Your eyes close, and you fear sleep — you know the possible horrors you could cause when you're left defenseless against your bloodlust — but you feel it taking you nonetheless. Gale doesn't untie you, not yet anyways, and it provides the slightest of reassurances. Worst case scenario, you know that, should the urge take advantage of your rest, Gale will expect it this time.

"Perhaps a poor time for confessions," he begins, his hand brushing stray hairs from your face, "But I must admit, the notion of you becoming lost to that rage is not a concept I'm anywhere near comfortable with. Keeping my heart beating is one motivation, and a strong one at that — but I hope you understand that keeping you safe is also immensely important to me. In all honesty, I'm... not sure what I'd do without you. I worry enough witnessing your engagement in the violent affairs we do so often find ourselves tangling with." Gale pauses, and clears his throat, shifting nervously. "Apologies, pay me no mind — A little shaken up, I fear my feelings may be getting the best of me. Rest. We'll reconvene come morning."

#baldurs gate 3 fanfiction #gale baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale dekarios bg3 #gale dekarios x reader #gale dekarios x durge #durge bg3 #bg3 durge #durge #gale bg3 x durge #durge x gale #bg3 #gale of waterdeep

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aro-culture-is · 3 months ago

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Hey, I’m still a minor but I’ve been really stressing about this lately. I really want to know if aromantic is the right label for me, since I previously identified as a bisexual.

I’ve, like, NEVER had a crush. I want to. I love romance novels, couples, the idea of romance. But then I talked to my friends and family and realized that what I thought was a crush just…wasn’t.

I didn’t feel butterflies, or nervous, or ANYTHING. I genuinely thought butterflies in your stomach was something that people made up, like getting nosebleeds when something is sexually implicit or shirtless ppl r shown (stupid, I know, but heteronormativity is really ingrained in me). I wasn’t even INTERESTED in the person. Examples, if it would help: first grade, I saw pretty boy, tried to play with him and followed him around at recess, looking back I just wanted a friend and he just happened to be attractive. Third grade, saw pretty boy, literally did not interact with him nor did I want to, but called him my crush bc I thought finding someone attractive=crush. My friend got with him, I wasn’t heartbroken and even tried to set them up and tried to tell them of the other’s feelings (despite the two of them being aware) like I was a little Cupid. Third grade pt 2, saw second most pretty boy imo (notice a theme here?) had dreams of both of my third grade crushes saving me from monkeys and I was a princess and they were in knight armor until the end where they’d take off the helmet n kiss me, but I had to consciously change the face after my friend got w the guy bc I felt bad. BUT I NEVER TALKED TO EITHER OF THEM????? Like, with pretty boy 3, let’s call him C, I didn’t really talk or try to get close with him or even was interested in him, same w the previous two. I thought I had fictional crushes on both boys and girls (hence the bisexuality identification) only to realize finding someone attractive=/= having a crush. And now I’m so confused and devastated????????

I am interested in both romance and sex, but I just don’t have crushes??? I know that, most likely, there is nothing wrong with me, like rationally, but I don’t feel that way???? I’ve always wanted a wedding n kids, but I’ve never imagined it with another person, like having a wedding n there being my partner. I always imagined going solo in my beautiful dress, never stopping to consider that a partner would be there. I also think I want kids, but that might be my parent’s pressures talking. My dad has also said that “there’s only one natural orientation” and says there’s nothing wrong with having a crush (I don’t think he realizes that I genuinely never had a crush) so I’m also really upset on that part. All I want to do is fit in socially, to make my parents happy, to do what I love, and have someone to love. I’m upset and confused and I took a quiz, twice, got cupioromantic, searched up the definition, realized it was me, got scared, so I’m just fishing for validation at this point. I hope I’m at least grey romantic, because I WANT to have romance, and be happy with one person. I don’t want to be a single cat lady (no hate if that’s you, keep slaying). I want someone to love me, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to love them back.

If you read this far, thanks, it means a lot.

So, I have a few thoughts after reading this, and I'm just gonna do my best to lay out some of them

All that introductory section about never having had a crush? Absolutely classic aromantic life story. Completely the sort of thing where if someone told me that IRL, my immediate thoughts would be "oh, they're probably aromantic", and "I want to let them know we're community in some fashion, and I get it."

Secondarily, on the note of finding someone attractive: folks so frequently discover their a-spec identities by starting with "I'm equally or similarly attracted to all genders, so I must be bi/pan/etc", and then get hit by the phenomena that 0=0. Also, aesthetic and sexual attraction are typically experienced quite differently - despite not being talked about as such, usually because it's not socially acceptable to talk about sex except when shaming others for interacting with the concept from any angle, including not wanting it. Yay society! (/sarcasm)

Next: yeah, cupioromantic absolutely fits what you've described so far. But I have some news for you: you can be aromantic and still have a wonderful, healthy romantic relationship with others. Some of the very, very early first followers of this blog - and i'm talking first 30 out of over 10k - have openly talked about being married as aro people to alloros for longer than I've run this blog. It's possible, it's been done, and if that works for you and any future partners, fantastic!

But. That said, I don't get the impression that your approach to this is coming from a place of necessarily wanting romance? I could absolutely be projecting, and that's on me, but between what your dad said and the desperation in your message, I have to wonder if what you want is a close, healthy relationship where you are able to feel safe discussing yourself, where you feel like your emotions are validated, and you can engage in a kind and mutually open hearted way. And y'know? Especially as a minor, that can be so hard to handle. You deserve to be listened to, for your feelings to be validated, and to know that who you are is as natural as anything.

Side note. natural is such a cop-out word. Speaking as someone in a multidisciplinary STEM field: natural means it happens. Not 'is the norm', not 'comes from plants', not 'works exactly the same way every time'. Consider the platypus is a natural creature, despite being a wild abomination of every 'normal' trait it could fit in its weird little body. Consider that even in humans, sex is not a dichotomy and for the most part, sex is a socially defined set of characteristics. Consider how many birds and fish have 4 or more sexes. Consider the fungi, weep, and learn that defining them by sex is an absolute nightmare of thousands of possible sexes and matches and honestly, what even??? Consider that even if we only look at similarly sexed creatures to us, dolphins, penguins, so many birds, octopuses, dogs, spiders, cats, and more that I can't name in the literal 10 seconds I spent on that list, engage in clear same-sex sexual and romantic bonding. You ever seen a boy dog just jump anything that exists? I don't think Fido gives a shit about "natural orientations". Unless he can eat it and poop it out, and eat that. (/affectionate)

Some final thoughts: you will be okay. Being a minor is so incredibly hard, and the more you grow into adulthood, the more clear it becomes that literally everyone is following all sorts of rules that they learned once upon a time because it's hard to change the system, hard to change your thoughts, and not because it ever made sense to follow those rules. The idea that two people have to love the same way to enjoy each other is bullshit. The idea that you can't just experience all sorts of weird things, even though the human brain is among the most complicated things known to science and does so much we'll never live to know, is wild.

You will be okay. Everything will get better, and I believe you. Teen years are a lovely blend of the worst and best decisions you'll ever make because your brain and body are doing some phenomenally complicated things, and society said "hey, what if we shove all of them into an institution because labor laws say we can't put them in the mines anymore?", and this is understandably a really terrible idea. Promise you, the tigers and lions in the average zoo get better enrichment than teens seem to be allowed.

The longer you have to experience the world and its weird and inconsistent ways, the more you learn to just... be. You don't have to question it every step of the way. Maybe you do get a crush. Maybe you don't. Maybe you find yourself being visited by the cat adoption fairy, and oops, there's another, and suddenly there's several creatures who bring you warmth - and maybe being a crazy cat lady is for you. Adulthood is weird, just to be honest. This has actually happened to several people I know. So many "oops I have a cat now? help?" messages.

#vent submission #not aro culture #advice #idk maybe it helps #maybe it doesn't #all i can tell you is that if someone says they know that the world works one specific way all the time always... they are lying #the more it's about social behaviors or 'nature' or whatever the more of a lie it is #seriously life is weird and rules are fake and honestly? it's so much better to just... be #this is also incredibly hard to do until you have financial independence or your own space or some partial state at least of either or both #mod rust #mod axel

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sunnychuuya · 4 months ago

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Sally face >:3

the cameras thar Addison installed have eyes on them on Larry's side mr Addison sus frrr /hj

me after looking up a tutorial and still being lost

How do I activate the runes on floor three raghhh

I DID KT

thank God for light bulbs existing I'm so much less scared rn

guys I don't like this ://

Sodas gonna be okay right ://

also where's uhhh I think her name is maple she's gone that's sus

HEYYY UHH SWITCHED TO LARRYS SIDE WHY ARE CHUG AND SODA ALL FADED

WAIT THAT MEANS THEIR NOT POSSED RIGHT ??

SO THEYLL BE FINE

RIGHT GYYS

oh 304 is just fucking gone on Larry's side

the mirror in Todd's bathroom where the red eyes demon appeared in chapter two is shattered

why dids Todd's parents toilet have the void

Why doesn't it let me access the full rooms I can't go into the bedrooms

I dislike that all kf the suspicious ppls houses r not able to be accessed (charley, packerton)

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE GOOP ITS POSSESION GOOP I KNOW IT

Nvm I gor into packertons place

Theres nothing here tho ??

What the florp

I got it to work at the last second bruh i suck at the guitar bits

Mm circles

all the mirrors are shattered actually

did Mrs Gibson die 💀

I'm pretending to understand what's happening

FUCK THE GUITAR BITS R SO HARS

I'm definitely missing stuff :/

-GUYS NO FUCKING WAY WAS I RIGHT ABOUT ADDISONCBEING SUS ??

Addison: a young boy stands at the threshold of oblivion

Unkoen green voice: MEXMERIZED BY THE ETERNAL ABYSS

-Ph what the fyck this is creepy

-UHHHHH

SO MR ADDISON IS SUS

"SO how long have you been like this"

*slowly slides away*

what the fuck

Litterally nothing could've prepared me for this

This reminds me of fullmetal alchemist bro

Goop

ADDISON IS THE POSSESSY DUDE I thought it was The red eyed demon is the red eyed demon possibly an extension?

Having trouble processing this I seriously thought Mr Addison was not actually gonna be sus.

NO WHAT THE HELL

I HATE THIS GAME

DUDE I CAN BARELY DO THE FUCKING PILLAR THINGIES

FUCK SHIT BALLS ASS

I paused the game and forgot I was doing this lmao

THIS IS SI HARD

t h e r e s m o r e

Bruh I'm gonna larry

I did IT

hey guys wtf

MURDER EVERYONE IN THE APARTMENRS ??

OKAY BUT NOT SODA AND CHUG RIGJT CUZ THEY DONT HAVE THE POSSESY GOOP

"I don't think I can do this. Please don't make me do this terrence" guys what if I just delete the game

Omori core (white room with knife)

This isn't girlypop guys

"Goal: kill"

what if I'm crying

I HAVE TO KILL TODDS PAEENRS

I HAVE TO KILL MY DAD AND LISA

Why do I feel so fuckijg guilty it's a video game

SAL NO CHUG AND SODA ARE INNOCENT THEY ARWNT POSSESED

The lack of music

Like complete silence except for footsteps

Makes this so much more painful

Killing soda is what opened the floodgates of tearss

"Youknow, I may not say this enough, but I'm proud of you, sal. You've come a long eay and I know it hasn't all been easy." Fuck. This hurts.

If Larry hadn't kms lsal would've had to kill him..

"I look at you now and I'm excited about the man you arebecoming. K think youve for a bright future ahead of yoj. I reallt do"

Haha funny joke I'm sobbing hea about to fucking kill you and then (prolly) get excuted. I hate this game.

Ih fuck not Todd

ASH I FUCKING WISH YOU WERE IN THOSE APARTMENTS YOU ARE THE FUCKING WORST I HATE YOJ

ENON DIED

FUCKING HELL

ThIS IS BECAUSE THE CULT RIGHT

TBATS A FAKE

SHIT

SHIT SHIT SHIT

FUCK

The music fading out

Fuck

ASH IDC UR STILL FUCKIJG WRONG

Wair no but I know her idea won't work bc like ik sal dies

Do NIT play memories and dreams rn

ASH NO SHUT THE FUCK UP- AHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOWBTHIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU HAD THREE YEARS YOU WAITED TILL THE LAST FUCKING SECOND

hey guys what the fuck

What the genuine fuck

Like okay I knew he died from before I started the game but

This still kinda hurts ngl

Fuck

Why couldn't they just like

Be happy

STOP ISBTHAT WHY I KEEP SEEING FANARTS WITH CLOCKS THAT SAY 6 33/18 33 ON CLOCKS YALL ARW DEVIOUS

Acheivment: suffer

Re you fuckin kidding me I mean I am suffering but God damn

Wait yea that's a good point wtf happened to Larry's body

Ash jm going to allow you go try to redeem herself but it's gonna be hard

NKO U HAVE TO PLAY AS HER :(

Travis is the cult member on the inside yea?

-"Oh gizmo is still alive, thats good at least!" [He hadn't left your room since the execution. It's like he knows] guys what the fuck

maple..

Pookies j do not remember the shed code

travis is still alive at least..

YALL I JUST REALIZED THE LIL PUZZLR BOX THING FROM THE TREE HOUSE A LONG TIME AGO ?? NEVER EXPLAIJED

great fucking job ash now Larry's gone bc of you too (actuslly I don't blame her for this one bc Larry wanted it yk)

girly just casually has a c4

Went into the temple

2nite wasn't great updates since I was just talkin eith the below user lmao

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

#sally face

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echobx · 2 months ago

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I’m already dreading this season, because I feel like we’re getting a lot of jiara and I really hate them together… they just make no sense.

Kiara has always hated his shenanigans and has been a bitch to him because of that on multiple occasions. Now we’re getting interviews where Madison is saying Kie loves his shenanigans… nope.

They never fit together, because even though Kiara thinks she’s a pogue, she never was one. Her worldview of being a pogue is so far from what a pogue really is. Like girl, you’ve always had a roof over your head, food whenever you wanted it. Access to clean water to take showers etc.. she has never been a real pogue and with the way she acts most of the time, a person JJ would never fall for.

When you have to change your characters personalities to make them fit together… yeah, that’s a sign they make no sense. And I hate how people call it maturing and character development. Because that’s not what this is. A lot of season 3 JJ was so far out of character… it’s just sad.

I agree with all of this babe.

I'm gonna have to rant now (fuck English lol)

all this reminded me of this tweet I saw that ENRAGED me

WHEN THE FUCK IN ALL THE FIRST THREE SEASONS DID SHE THINK HIM PERFECT?????????? WHEN DID SHE EVER MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE HE'S WORTH SOMETHING??????

"she would refuse to point a finger but humble him" oh you mean like in s2 when she yelled "murderer" at Ward which resulted in all the evidence they had being destroyed and Gavin's body vanishing bc they had to run off instead of staying and watching and filming how Ward got rid of the body and then later she blamed it all on JJ bc JJ made Pope fall off the ladder? although the only reason he stepped on Pope was bc she stepped on JJ's hand? or how she literally didn't care about him at all and only hung out with Pope until school started while JB and Sarah were presumed dead?

or maybe in s3 when he had an eviction notice on his door and instead of helping him out she fucking told no one about it, not a single soul?

or maybe in s1 when pulled the gun on Topper bc Topper was about to drown JB and she told him he was mental for it? or when he clearly stated that he doesn't have money for basic shit, like a phone plan, and she didn't give a shit and still wanted them to give the money to charity? or when stole just 25k from Barry, although he could've taken way more and they all, including Kiara, yelled at him and didn't help him like he needed help?

or how she kept dismissing every single idea he ever had, no matter if it was crazy or not, no matter if it worked or not, apart from the one time where it saved her from being in that shit ass camp?

she's pointing fingers at him all the fucking time. which brings me to another point that annoyed the shit out of me. bc in one interview Madison said, and I quote, "JJ is still JJ [...] it's just Kiara having a soft spot for his shenanigans"

WHEN DID SHE EVER??!!!!

they are still keeping up with the mischaracterisation, from what the interviews and trailers have shown right now, only for Kie but it makes me scared for JJ.

and I will be always reminding people that like at least a quarter of all jiara stans I was aware of before s3 instantly flipped to the riara lands after s3 came out BECAUSE of the mischaracterisation of her and JJ bc they felt nothing like they did the seasons prior.

Kiara "high horse" Carrera will never ever work with JJ "fuck around and find out" Maybank EVER EVER

P.S. she sees Poguelife as an aesthetic, not as the real reality of the people who have to live through it. kinda reminds me of the "hehe haha" tourists who spend their vacation living in a prison hotel... like "lemme just try it bc I am better than these ppl and I wanna see what the fuss is about" but they'll never get it.

#anti jiara #~anon ask #~ask #I'm going overboard again

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eclaire-went-bam · 7 months ago

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i'm gonna post this here bcs initially i posted it to cf on instagram but frankly i have too many cfs who don't know i'm Disordered™ in this way LMAO

this isn't a super emotional vent & shouldn't have any triggers However it is a super annoyed one

i think i try too often to be "silly" scary & mean & Obviously i don't Actually Try to be either of those, i just like being annoying. i find i do this automatically with "friends" who aren't an ep — if everyone else leaves and i'm stuck with just an ep, i suddenly act like a normal person again LMAO

but anyways point is: in this act, i act really stupid on purpose. i act like a cartoon character. i'm a creature of Show✨. i often make subtle jokes abt murder & stuff that'd probably be seen as angsty teenager cringe. i tease people in a very well-meaning but annoying way. this is my persona that has been established in these circles. i want to make it clear, people do not get offended when i'm like this & when they do i make sure to ask about it & apologise bcs that's ~Healthy~ & at the end of the day they usually seem to really enjoy the way i act (some ppl actually seem to enjoy the attention from teasingly psychoanalysing them A Bit Too Much haha)

but SOMETIMES someone takes the act a bit too seriously?? thinking i'm actually Trying to be mean or threatening or whatevs??? & goes "ur gonna have to try harder than that!! it's not working!!!!" and i'm like okaaaayyyyy big boy

& then i actually do what they say & suddenly it hits a wound a bit too deep. just one single sentence.

this just happened 2 days ago & i get it but idk maybe don't get too proud when it's clear it's just fun&games (the same fun&games as Always) & then get shocked.

frankly, i will not feel bad

& i often don't even realise what is “too far” (it's either probably the autism or the low empathy + egocentrism = i wouldn't be hurt if someone said it to me, so why would others?) most times so maybe don't make it a competition bcz then my narc brain Will compete & then try to make me feel bad abt it

me when i'm in friend groups where i constantly intentionally do & say things so everyone thinks i'm stupid & then i act like i'm not for once ;;;

listen. i may not feel guilty for my actions. i may even think you're Unwise for making your ticks so obvious & then proceeding to act like they aren't. however i would greatly appreciate it if you didn't make it some competition that you can't be scared or offended when you very clearly Can Be, you just think you can't be by me bcs you think a cute little afab like wittle ole me is incapable. & then it all gets soooo awkward afterwards even when i try to apologise but they keep going on abt how it was Too Far and That Hurt & when they finally stop they're just awkwardly quiet until they leave

i can understand getting competitive like this & doing whatever necessary to "win" is not a healthy trait & is probably a result of x y & z npd stuff & yes i did feel very ugly when they started belittling me out of Nowhere but idkkk right now i'm just annoyedddd

usually if someone gets like that i have an ep w/ me who knows i'm a narc i can dm to tell them what i Wanted to say & they can laugh w me (sometimes just acting stupid with others but in the know with an ep makes the feeling go away without actually needing to risk doing anything toxic) but they weren't there this time </222

#npd vent #cluster b #cluster b things #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #bpd #borderline personality disorder #-> i dont have these but this might be a general cluster b shared experience kinda thing idk #hpd #histrionic personality disorder #aspd #antisocial personality disorder #long post #idk maybe

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johnentwistlesbassguitar · 1 day ago

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Vent

I'm always so scared Im bothering ppl just by existing I've lost sm friendships it feels like bcs I was being annoying and didn't realize it and I couldn't tell they hated everything I talked abt but no one ever told me that?? I feel so stupid all the time bcs I never know I wanna ask for reassurance but that's weird and I always have the feeling that ppl are just gonna say yea I hate you and your boring so I never say anything it just scares me I never wanna start conversations or anything bcs if they wanted to talk me they'd reach out? I don't deserve to start a conversation bcs I'm fucking annoying and I shouldn't bother ppl like that but then I feel bad bcs I feel like I don't contribute enough to my friendships and there gonna ditch me bcs they think I suck and don't enjoy talking to them but I do!! I just wanna say that but I also get accused of making things weird bcs I'm just too nice ig?? Ppl say I give too many compliments and send weird vibes uhm I think most ppl like it but some just don't want it and I feel bad bcs I'm sorry I just like you alot that doesn't mean I wanna get with you or anything! Idk I feel very confused and think everyone hates me

#whining

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imraespace · 20 days ago

Note

HELPME PPL THINK IM 18+ ONLINE AND. IRL. MY COUSIN FREAKING SAID “are you 18???” LIKE DAMN BRO I GET IT I DINT LOOK MY AGE BUT IM 18 IN DAMN 2-3 YEARS 👿👿👿 TOO EARLY FOR ME TO BE REACHING ADULTHOOD HELP

ive been faking my age to ppl online like on servers n stuff bc i really hate talking about ages like once they figure out im a minor theyre like erm haha let me make u a victim and start saying the weirdest stuff ever like girl if i was 18 or 15 how does that change ANYTHING HELP but when i acc get to know ppl i say my actual age i dont want to be a victim guys dot dot dot stares at that one tumblr person that entered my ask box and was loke ahhaha want some nudes??? Insert link. LIKE NO PLEQSE I AM A MINOR

also octopus hater finally replied but theyre a mfing opp bc they didnt even add my nickname hashtag 💔💔 mayeb bc its an ask game but like come on man you gave me a mutual nickname and u wont even add my hashtag EFF YOU 💔💔 joke sorry octopus hater i love u even if youd otn love me ure my second ever moot on this app and one of my only moots other than jjk person and cheese bot i love cheese bot i will be messaging cheese bot but i think they genuinely hsut forgot

my right eveball has been twitching and i think its bc of all the stress i went through this week with my science test history test civics test civics cpt and then a whole bunch of other stuff like why the freak did my cooking teacher tell me to go to the third floor and jump if i make the pierogis look bad ??? IS HE EVEN ALLOWED TO JOKE LIKE THAY WHAT IF I WAS SUICIDAL AND THAT WAS MY LAST REASON HELLO????

for soem reason candles have veen calling me throughout this mall trip am i transitioning into a middle aged woman shoppign for christmas candles but now i cant tell the difference between cinnamon truffle and fresh cotton with vanilla and then mushroom soy bean like hello who names these and most importantly WHO MFING INVENTED TREE FOREST SCENT THAY SMELLS LIKE ITS ROTTING. HELLO. I USUALLY LOKE THE SMELL OF FOREST WHEN I GO AND SEE MY WOLF PACK ALPHAS (the neighborhood hyenas that i hear howling at the back) WTF WAS THAT SCENT. mayeb my cosuin is right about me beign 18 atp…….

anwyays i forgot about daily question mYBAD GANF

DAILY QUESTION IS UMMM whatw ould be the best way to torture i mean send love to octopus hater 💜💜💜 ok seriosuly UM who in bllk would have a terrible spending addiction while being freaking poor

- 🐙

FINALLY IM GONNA ANSWER THIS

SAME HELP

I've never faked my age I'm too scared that they would somehow find out I THINK THOSE ARE BOTS BX I GOT LIKE 4 OF THEM AT ONCE

ugh everytime I see octopus hater I roll my eyeballs....😒 HELP this is a very one-sided love.. #bethebiggerperson!!!

OHMAGSU SCHOOL IS SO STRESSFUL RN AND I REMINDED MYSELF THAT omg mara you have oral finals IN 6 MONTHS HAHAHHA 😐.. WDYM 6 MONTHS MY FINALS ARE IN 6 MONTHS?? AND MY EXAMS FOR THIS TERM IS IN 2 WEEKS WHAKDKMAMD

HELO WHAT?? what even happens in cooking class omg.. HELOME I CABT BRATHE

odd names for candles.. I like the smell of normal candles after you blow them out also the same with matches idk why I sometimes light them ans blow it out just to sniff em..

HELOME I FANT CEATHE THEYRE GIV8NG YOU THE REAL FEEL OF HUNTING WITH THE PQCK!!

ha! granny!!

HELP E send a scary picture in their inbox..

ERM shidou...

#imraesrandom #imraes inbox !#- 🐙anon #imraespace -♡

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dandyshucks · 8 months ago

Text

rambling about Guz under the cut hsdhgjkl, CW for abuse and (c)ptsd talk as well as discussion of racism

i've hesitated to say anything about his trauma-caused aggression and anger because i fear it'll be misconstrued by ppl (<- tags on that other post that i'm going off of bc i wanna ramble abt it)

he's not Scary or Violent or Mean. i mean maybe other ppl might view him that way, he might come across that way if you don't know him well, but like.... its trauma. if you were physically abused as a child... yeah. youre gonna come out of that with issues that won't be pretty. you're not going to be the Perfect Victim. you are going to have symptoms and reactions and whatnot that are ugly and difficult and upsetting and hard-to-be-around sometimes.

I am really aware and cautious of the stereotype where many men of colour (mainly black men, but this also includes indigenous men and some other men of colour) are portrayed as being Big and Aggressive, so I have avoided getting anywhere near that, especially since I made the decision to change Guz's skintone in my portrayal of him (which I'm not going to get into, at least rn, but that decision was carefully thought out as well for me). So I always get a bit worried that IF I show any of that side of his trauma, it is going to come off the wrong way.

When I look at him being angry and aggressive in any way, I'm coming at it from the perspective of "this is a man who was a child who was abused and beaten, and he's grown up being taught he needs to Fight, that he needs to be scary in order to be safe, and he is very afraid in a way that translates to anger because that's the way he learned to deal with that emotion." And then we (Guz and co) figure out how to work with that, how to start unravelling all the trauma that's packed into that behaviour, how to start unlearning those reactions and begin working on new ways of Being. He's got a safe environment now, where the people he's around genuinely care about him, where he doesn't have to scare the people around him in order to be respected and safe. Plumes and the squad love him, and Junebug loves him, and he doesn't want to hurt any of them. He also doesn't want to continue that cycle of abuse, doesn't want the grunts or anyone else to feel afraid of him like he was afraid of his dad, nor does he want any of the grunts to feel like they have to be aggressive to be safe in the world.

I'm also aware of the fact that I have white skin even if I am indigenous lol, and the little white-skinned partner appearing to be the "uwu soft niceys" one in the relationship with the big "aggressive" man with brown skin is uhhhh a really fucking awful look! really fucked up! And it's not something I'm interested in presenting to the world, even if it's just in this small circle of the internet. That's a really fucked up dynamic to be putting out there without context lmao.

Anyways, so even if Guz has that shit going on, I'm very careful with how I present it and aware of how it might come across, and if I ever step over any lines, people are more than welcome to holler at me and let me know I've fucked up!

Currently, I figure he was working on shit for a while before my self-insert came along (this is not a case of "i will fix you all by myself" because again... my white skin makes it look like white saviorism, plus I do not think thats a very interesting dynamic for me personally anyways lol, you gotta be putting in a bit of work yourself for me to stick around very long and help you out), and then Junebug showing up was just another motivational force to keep working on his shit. Guz has a good group of people around him and Junebug is just kind of a bonus in the situation. He'd be putting in the work either way, but they're just a little extra boost for him.

I think he’ll always have a bit of a tendency to react with the fight instinct rather than flight or freeze in situations where he is genuinely terrified and doesn’t have time to think through a reaction, but all of the rest of it improves. It’s amazing what a person can change about the way their brain is wired with enough time and effort and support!

#here's that post finally phew #dandy.cmd #💜so good at being in trouble

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forgottenarthur · 3 months ago

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OOC | Arthur & Aria

so i just wanted to jot this down somewhere its searchable bc!!!!!!! thisis so huuuuuge for them both i feel like!!!!!!!

giadesstrin Not her two first thoughts being if Eilia and arthur 😩😩😩 @forgottenarias forgottenarias @giadesstrin she's REAL MAD at herself that she even DEIGNED to think of arthur in that moment. how DARE her brain! giadesstrin @forgottenarias how dare her brain 😩😩😩 arthur meanwhile def assumes no onE would think of him first — roderick thinks of roderick, Marian thinks of cassandra (as she should!) as does probably the entire rest of the family, and Arthur’s got this but yeah — he tells himself this is a good thing bc ppl know he can take care of himself but it secretly makes him feel v lonely and it certainly wouldn’t occur to him that he might increasingly be one of the first ppl aria thinks of adfhhdsd

phabblebabbles @giadesstrin arias def about to spiral a bit I realized— now she is w Eilia and knows she’s safe (so by extension Aria is too bc safety = Eilia for her!) and they’re watching their people get slaughtered which is def upsetting but her mind is just also repeating ‘where is he where is he’ until she sees him (I assumed they’re all in the castle? Marian would def be begging Roderick not to send their sons into the fray!) but then she’s gonna be MAD she wasted thoughts on him when he’s fine and tbc Her people are not when she finally sees him so she’ll not outwardly be relieved at all and probably say smth kinda rude while she’s internally it’s the opposite. I’m realizing as I type this that this might be one of the first times she’s like “oh no feelings!” 🤦🏻‍♀️ Also while saying nothing abt it to her sister the whole time ofc

giadesstrin @phabblebabbles sgjkjfdfg omg love that for them (& us)! I do think roderick wants to sweep this under the rug & he feels that to field the princes would make the riot seem important (which it is NOT!!!!…to him…) so honestly Marian will have no problem convincing him on that one & so roderick would forbid arthur (but arthur would wanna go! A good knight & prince should defend! Is his thinking & he (probs erroneously) thinks he can talk the ppl down bc he’s faced riots before! And he knows TBC What he ~wishes he’d done back at kil-kennar (that all haunts him!) and this feels like a redo, like he could fix it (he couldn’t)! And save lives this time! But anyway!!! @phabblebabbles hit send too early 😂 and so this is def gonna be tough for him. He s not accustomed to standing and watching — if his men are in danger he should be right there beside him so frankly all this put together and he’s kinda going through it, smth to which he reacts w anger so frankly!!!! I’d she tops this off w a rude remark that could lead to an argument afjkkjfdfh but honestly??!! That might not be an entirely bad thing bc it gives him an outlet and he is the say things in TBC Anger type (both things he does and things he does NOT mean 🤦‍♀️😂) tho so??!?!!? Who knows?!!??!? @phabblebabbles also Eilia = safety for Aria 😩😩😩 these girls I swear 🥹🥹🥹

phabblebabbles @giadesstrin i'm realizing more and more that Aria is internally WAY more dependant on other people that i kind of thought? and she def tries to hide it but i think she actually doesn't have as strong of an opinion of herself/abilities as I initially thought so she gets this strength from people around her (like how she tends to base her actions on Eilia's actions bc thats her big sister! the queen!) and she felt she needed to be that for Siobhan and whether or not tbc Siobhan actually NEEDED that in her life, aria didn't feel like she was ever that for her (which ALSO goes back to aria's many reluctance to leave w/ siobhan) aria's actually more internally scared than i thought initially, too, but she can't! burden! eilia! so she doesn't talk about it. potentially in the future in the ULTIMATE betrayal (i think half in her mind but also kinda real?) is that eilia = safety but ALSO arthur = safety (in maybe a different way?) which tbc which aria is going to do mental gymnastics about for days i swear a therapist could be making BANK in this castle XD @giadesstrin aslkdhlsf so many message but idk why i'd just had this idea aria & arthur ended up in some epic fight after the ice ball (maybe we discussed it and i forgot? -facepalm-) but i DO remember the idea that she finally hears some sort of half version of what happened @ Kil-Kennar that night so honestly i could def she her throwing out some barb abt it in reference to the riots when she's trying to pretend she's not relieved he's safe (emotions! BOO!) tbc and unintentionally hitting that nerve as well as just being kinda rude which ultimately gets them BOTH their current favorite form of communication: fighting abt things ;) side note i DO still think if/when they actually talk abt kil kennar and she understands what he did and why he did it she's going to change her tune a bit... even if he still thinks it was the wrong choice

giadesstrin @phabblebabbles KAAAAATE!!!!! Im!!!!!! OBSESSEDDDDDDD!!!!!! Not them as mystic mirrors to e/o tryna define themselves by other ppl while pretending they got it all figured out and 😩😭😩😭😩😭 meSS!!!!!! (Also that therapist developing some neuroses just tryna deal w all the stuff they’re being subjected to w all the cognitive dissonance in this castle 😩😂) tbc (sorry at work so just tryna reply as I can 😂😂😂) Also never neverrrrr hesitate to send me a ton of replies I eat them uP!!!!!! phabblebabbles @giadesstrin imagining that therapist just sort of wide eyed drinking w/ the gardeners from the orangery like "wtf is this place." XD also apologies in advance to you and @lizzysrps bc this whole day is paper writing and then throwing open another browser and decompressing with rambling about LFR nonsense when I need a break! XD

giadesstrin @forgottenarias Aria tryna be sister and mother and guide and Princess to her lil sister bc that’s what ~she wanted tho 😩😩😩 ughhhh my angel!!!! Again that ~duty~ over all running through house stafford 🥺😩 gets me every time!!!! And then feeling guilty that arthur can be her safety too!!! And the irony that it’d mean everything to him to be able to be that for her!!!! But she feels like a criminal wanting it 😭😭😭 I feel like this is also really interesting bc I feel like it’s probs different TBC ~types of safety they offer, like Eilia’s whole thing is doing the right thing™️ no matter what and I feel like there’s gotta be a lot of certainty to come from that esp w familiarity and family and the continuity of Astairan culture baked in, but arthur doesn’t frankly have a firm grasp of what the right thing even is thanks to his dad (tho he does try to find it and do that!) but what he offers is absolute loyalty paired w I think a unique way he can understand her. Eilia does def feel v TBC Inadequate but she tries to crush that under her heel bc she’s simply what they’ve got so she just has to move forward is her whole thing yknow? So she can’t stop to help aria work through that bc she’s pushing past it herself. And ironically that’s the v safety she offers. Arthur tho? He’s searching w every breath he takes and l, unlike Eilia, he’s lacking any real guidelines beyond whatever Roderick’s latest mood happens to be so he also places his faith in ppl. He’d do anything for someoneTBC he cares abt and a big example of this? Kil-Kennar and I honestly love therefore the idea that that’s the thing that holds the biggest power to drive a wedge between them is also symbolically the v same struggle they’re ~both enduring: putting their strength and confidence and loyalty into others bc they don’t feel they can do that for themselves like…adgjjgfgjjh the SUBTEXT we could imbue there!!! It’s the thing that knits them together, that makes them each a mirror to the other!!! And TBC It’s also the unforgivable sin that comes between them, layered even MORE bc she is a witch too like!!!! AHHHHHHHH Anyway I’m excited shkkgdgjjgh @phabblebabbles also also the fact that like…Aria needing Eilia to be that to her gives Eilia the strength and confidence to be that for Astaira too likE afhkhfgjjh bc if someone as amazing as aria needs her and gets smth out of her then it’s 1) worth it to step up and 2) she’s clearly doing a great job bc aria is AMAZING @phabblebabbles @lizzysrps the therapist: ‘I went to school for this! I’ve done years of it! I thought I was prepared…’ gardeners: ‘we all imagined that I’m afraid’ OmG soooooo excited to be ur outlet!!!!! I wanna read it allllllll!!!!!!

phabblebabbles @giadesstrin i def agree that's there a different sort of safety between eilia & arthur for her!! i think for so long its always been eilia in that role (which is like... mental/emotion and not necessarily physical safety bc obv there were guards,etc that represented that!) and in their current situation eilia IS that one thing that connects her to ~before and is this sort of moral guide to what she should do! but w/ arthur i think the more they talk the more she tbc identifies w/ him bc YES they are similar!! they're both in radically different ways living extremely uncertain lives rn-- him w/ the uncertainty of being his fathers heir or not (also if he ends up dead thanks to amira or not!) and she literally has NO idea what the future holds for her-- if Eilia marries Roderick, what happens to her? Is her entire life just being a prisoner in this castle? Does she serve a purpose is Roderick marries her sister or does he just get TBC rid of her? (we of course know roderick has his own ideas but i doubt he's said down to lay out a 5 year plan for her ;) plus he HAS sort of been her ally in those small ways like the whole orphanage business and convincing roderick to let the staffords out of the castle post riot! like if the threat is roderick in some hypothetical situation, is it arthur she goes to instead of eilia? idek but maybe?! @giadesstrin nd just as much as HE wants to be that for someone/her, i think she will ultimately realize she wants to be that for him, too? that he needs it just as much as she does?! esp after he spills his guts abt things in the orangery & she learns abt the realities of Kil-Kennar added to this annoying feeling that maybe he can be good and different i think she's had since they spent time at the orphanage together. like if these two ever got the act together and actually talked about anything of substance i feel like there's going go be this bond or connection or devotion or w/e w/ these two bc they are SO similar in these abstract ways but also different enough that it can sort of push each other to be better in sm way... the idea that they need to draw their strength from/put their faith in others and could BE that for each other!! but honestly the angst of them being disasters a at talking is TOO GOOD! and YES. even if they managed to begin to understand e/o a little bit better there's the mic drop coming asp of him finding out she's a WITCH and that fundamental shift it will make for EVERYTHING & obv his reaction will have a profound effect on her (literally could be life or death lol) but even if it isn't him telling roderick she's a witch still just like how he views her now v before will just be interesting to see but now tbc i'm getting ahead of myself aoishodghsod

i think imma do a starter for this bc!!!!!!! im SHOOK!!!!!! @phabblebabbles @forgottenarias (wasn't sure which was better to tag <3) do you have a preference if its set at the ice ball or during the riots w an assumed bg of a big fight at the ice ball? im down either way!!

#ooc #about #aria stafford

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golbrocklovely · 3 months ago

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I’m gonna say that it scares me how bullying other people has been normalized on the Internet to the point that people with morals and brains who do not really even like the person that is being harrased are made fun of for simply trying to stop the hate.

I am not even here talking about the whole sam and katelyn situation. I am talking in general. I’ve noticed that in many fandoms harrasing people online that we do not like, making fun of them in every possible way has been so normalized that a person who praises them will appear as a “silly” for a bigger audience of fans. Like what? Like f.e this has been a thing rn in yr fandom (idk if you watched the show). People have been targeting E and hating on him for having a gf (literally… same thing as snc lol) and making fun of people who are being just supportive and lovely.

I, like everyone else also have people i dislike. But what the heck is the point of bringing it to the Internet and basically sending those people hate? And that applies to everyfuckinhone. Sam, Colby, Edwin, idk Katelyn, Malia, Katrina etc etc. If you do not like someone… just shut up and rant to your bestie about it on private. Why bring it into public space when everyone can see it ? INCLUDING the person you are making fun of /hating on. There has been sooo many cases of people trying to commit s*icide or committing it only due to online hate they received and i wonder how many more of it will take for people to finally reflect that what you put on the Internet and how you treat others can have very big influence on how they are feeling and things can turn really really bad turn. Or are we are just gonna stay as immature wannabe “cool and savage” mfs, who are just mean and sad and one by one gonna all k*ll eo either is literally or metaphorically (like kill eo happiness and personalities)

i agree with you so much, anon.

it's so odd to me how easy it is for certain ppl to hate someone they truly don't know.

and look, i won't pretend to be a saint. plenty of ppl know who i don't like bc i've talked about it. however, i have never in all my years of being on the internet (both in this fandom and not) have went to someone's page and hated on them directly or dmed them. i don't wish harm on those i don't like or disagree with. but so many ppl do and it's truly upsetting.

do i complain on here about ppl that aren't on here? yes. but i'm not gonna go to a site they are on and @ them and say "hey here's why i don't like you" bc that type of behavior to me is hella weird.

truly i think more ppl would benefit from just buying a journal and writing shit out there. bc too many ppl feel embolden to be as rude as possible, as if there isn't someone else on the other side of the screen.

bullying online never makes sense to me bc… what exactly do you want the end result to be? for them to hurt themselves? deactivate? never come back online? i just don't understand what thought process you have to think that harassing someone is gonna make them bend to your will, whatever that might be.

and no, i don't watch the show you're referring to, but i can believe that 100%. that happens so often to any male figures in literally every form of media. it's so odd. hell, i know i used to act that way when i was younger and in the jonas brothers fandom. but even back then i didn't @ miley cyrus and say she didn't deserve nick jonas lol

this is the first time in a long time i've ever actually considered leaving the fandom. not only has this harassment of katelyn really been eye opening to me, but also just the way sam went about all of this too. it all has left a sour taste in my mouth. but i'm trying to just remember that surrounding myself with nice ppl in the fandom (or those that are reasonable enough to not harass another person) is the better option than just up and leaving. bc i do love snc, even if rn i'm disappointed by them.

i just wish ppl would be nicer. maybe it's bc of my depression or past issues with bullying, but it's so disheartening to see all of this play out the way it has. and while i know i haven't always been kind, i at least try to be. but i feel like so many don't even do that. and that's a real shame.

#ask #personal #sg ll

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yagamisdiary · 4 months ago

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I have a love hate relationship with the fact that you enjoy making us suffer throughout the entirety of your books and making us think they will have a bad ending just to give us the best possible endings ever 🥲 ugh i love you so much youre my favorite author ever, while im here i apologize for the incoming paragraphs but i just need to say it:

1. Idk how you do it but the book covers you choose are always so perfect like?? Idk if im explaining myself but i feel like they capture the vibes of the books perfectly

2. Ok now this is kinda personal and i dont mean to sound like im venting, but have you ever read a fic that impacted you so much to the point where you find yourself still thinking about it to this day 😭 bc that's how i feel about both of ur books, they're so beautifully written and i'm always thinking about the characters or going back to read random parts of the books (edit: i had this paragraph written way before parasite was removed okay but i started rereading eldia yesterday because im truly heartbroken, devastated, downcast, miserable, dejected and inconsolable by the fact that its finished)

I discovered you in july-ish 2021 during parasite era but didnt actually read it until june 2022, i was devastated when i finished it but also had to cleanse my soul cause i accidentally burnt my self out during the last few chapters (i mean it in a good way lol, it was rlly hard to read the last 2 chapters 🙇‍♀️ they were written really well and i felt unsettled while reading the beginning of y/ns whole breakdown, i could feel the gloomy depressed vibe it had if you get what i mean), so anyway i moved on to Eldia. At that time, it was fairly new so there were only like 10 or 11 chapters, ive been keeping up with Eldia ever since and its truly bittersweet to see it end like i was literally full on sobbing for no reason 🥲 probably the sentiment of being a reader for 2 years idk lol. Anyway what im trying to say is that your books were one of the only things that helped me escape reality in 2022, i didnt really find joy in anything and hated my life, however ive definitely improved ever since, so im honestly rlly thankful for you Amara 💕

Edit: i just know it sounds stupid and youre probably tired of hearing the same thing over and over, but i've had this written out for like 5 months and was kinda scared to send it because i felt like it was corny, but with Eldia's resolution i felt encouraged seeing all these people tell you what they think :P so sorry for the long ass paragraph lmao, i just needed to say it because i know in 10 years ill be a grown ass woman and still thinking about these books, theyre attached to my brain forever (like a parasite, ironic)

Ok so i doubt ppl will read this (or that you'll even read all of it) so if you reached the end i must say that you actually ate with the baby names in Eldia 🤭 im saying it here to avoid accidentally spoiling anyone but Andromeda 😪 i remember in early july i sent you an anon ask saying that i pictured you as a girl mom and even listed a few names, i was gonna list Andromeda so its kinda funny to me 😭 and Elrose?? Andromeda is my fav name but Elrose grew on me and i actually rlly like it, idk why it just sounds and looks so satisfying OMG DAMN I JUST SCROLLED UP AND DID I REALLY WRITE ALL OF THAT?? IM SO SORRY AMARA 😭😭 i definitely had way more to say but i feel bad now, it was gonna be an anonymous ask but atp i'll just let it be public

to conclude i must say that whenever someone asks me what my favorite books are, i hate that im not able to say "Oh my favorite books are parasite and eldia" because they're considered fanfics and not 'real books', i think thats really stupid, not only because fanfiction is just as valid as what ppl consider 'real books' but because there are so many fanfictions turned into real books or movies?? Ok im done (for now) but as you can tell im not really good at going straight to the point sorry for writing about 10 paragraphs love you queen vivan las escritoras latinas 🤞

1. honestly i find a pic that fits the vibe i want the book to give before i even write the story then i just somehow find a way to incorporate the cover

ex) eldia’s cover is jean with wine all over him, iykyk there’s an exact scene in eldia that references the cover

2. thank u so much 🥲 the ppl who have stuck around the longest always say the most sweet stuff bc yall really have been alongside me for so many years now and were like growing together which is kinda cool

3. i wanted a name that had ambrose and elijah both in it and it was either elrose or embrose but i ended up liking elrose more, embrose was too similar to ambrose

4. i don’t mind the length of the message at all! i love love love reading all the stuff i receive and the ones that are the longest stick with me the most. 🫶🏼

#amara's love mail

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