in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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The fact that Judaism is trending because of both the wave of bomb threats on synagogues and Bradley Cooper's Antisemitism Adventure (his huge fake prosthetic nose, and him basically stealing the story from a Jewish man) is so infuriating and so exhaustingly typical.
The fact that I see Judaism trending on Tumblr and immediately think "oh no. Something Bad is happening to us." We're never trending cause it's fucking good. I never get to be excited, it's just cold dread.
The fact that Antisemitism is getting worse everyday and the only ones who ever talk about it are other Jews. The fact that no one else fucking cares. The only ones who support us are other Jews. Even when gentiles talk about Nazis or white supremacists they don't want to help us. We're just their prop, the canary in the coal mine and the perfect victim.
The fact that everyone's uncomfortable with Jews still being here. Reminding them of things they'd rather forget.
The fact that it'd be easier for them if we were all dead. Then they could tell stories about our people, dressed in offensive caricatures, without us making a fuss.
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We all know Lisa from lis 1. Max’s plant that you may or may not water. Just a fun little ‘this action will have consequences’ jump scare, right?
It WAS until Before the Storm where we get a similar choice in Chloe’s room. Except if you choose to water it then Chloe will water it with a can of soda, figuring it’s better than nothing, killing the plant. On the surface this might seem to support Chloe’s insecurity that she expresses during her and Rachel’s argument in the junkyard where Chloe expresses that she only ever hurts people she cares about and screws everything up. That’s probably how Chloe sees it. But that’s not how I see it. How I see it is that in order to properly nurture something, you need to use the right method. Like how in the junkyard and Rachel’s room Chloe learns that the best way to comfort Rachel is to give her space and just be there for her, which goes against Chloe’s instincts. Something that might seem good in the moment is actually harmful in the long run. This reminds me of Chloe’s dream/vision of William when he talks about how the intense and destructive beauty of fire (Rachel) can blind you to the calmer and consistent beauty of the stars (Max) (this is not about a ship war, I swear. That’s just the messaging that I feel like the game is trying to tell us).
Chloe and Rachel’s relationship is not the healthiest. They did need each other for a time, and we see in the comics that there is a timeline where they end up having an amazing relationship, but it was pretty clear that in our canon timeline the longer their friendship/situationship lasted the more harmful it was becoming. Something that seemed good at first but in the long run would metaphorically kill them. If Rachel wasn’t killed then their whole relationship probably would’ve went up in flames.
Now we come back to Max. She’s the stars. She waters Lisa with water. She and Chloe are what each other needs in the long run. They’re what each other needs to live and thrive
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