#<- insists this is a normal thing to think that doesn't mean anything in particular.

[louisdelac]

inesca's opinion on his comanions pre-skyhold. btw.

s tier:

vivienne holds a position that he respects immensely, and who treats him as someone worth knowing/who has the potential to be someone great, which has a HUGE impact on how he develops in the beginning in embracing his own agency as someone people will actually listen to. her opinion holds a lot of weight with him, and he's acutely aware she has her own agenda that she's attempting to "coach" him into (which he's actively attempting to encourage, for psychological reasons we can't get into right now), which also adds a very weird tension to their relationship, since he flips a coin every day on whether he feels validated or demeaned by being manipulated. she's easily one of the people he talks with most.

solas and inesca take turns being passive aggressively condescending to each other. inesca about solas's opinions on the dalish (gen z voice okay boomer flat ear <- used to be a flat ear himself), and solas just. in general. <3 but inesca is also really difficult to offend in a way that will lead him to escalating a disagreement, so a lot of their conversations have a lot of really charged wind up, before tapering out into an actual academic debate that they both end up enjoying (helped by the fact that inesca is 1. a history nerd so their conversations divert into weird directions 2. great at conceding a point.). a lot of their relationship is actually built on the fact that they're both very aligned in regards to priorities in the field. inesca's a bad fighter but a great healer, and his emphasis on helping out individuals wins him solas's respect, which in turn changes how academically removed inesca keeps himself in his debates. probably the slowest rise to s tier of the four in here.

cassandra he liked almost immediately, because she was willing to concede doubt over her own actions to him. this circles back to respect again, in that people valuing how he might view them is foreign to him, and he values them immensely in return. she's probably the first person he has a legitimately vulnerable conversation with, because she's so blunt it sets him at ease. he also just trains a lot with her, because he's Not A Great Fighter. camaraderie in getting thrown on your ass 8000 times a day 👍

josephine is niceys to him and also coaches him on politics :) he has absolutely no clue if she's being nice because she's a diplomat, or because they actually have some sort of bond, but having someone in the group of advisors who's main goal is facilitating relationships among fractured groups is huge for him. plus in the lead up to cotj i do think he goes through a decent amount of prep work on how to be a facilitator himself with the templars, and while ALL the advisors help with that, josephine is the only one inesca actually feels comfortable around.

a tier:

leliana could be s tier, but she scares him in a way that makes him uncertain where they stand with each other 😭. he respects her immensely, is uncomfortable with how blithely she views murder, and doesn't know how to have a conversation with her that doesn't serve a larger purpose for the goals of the inquisition, because anything else makes him feel like he's wasting her time. "coworker i would do anything for" vibes.

varric's also niceys to him :) he likes hearing his stories, and thinks he's good at easing tension, but they've got a more surface level relationship at this point in the story, because inesca hasn't reached his breaking point yet. he feels like he can trust and rely on varric, so he's high on the list, but it's a purely vibes based relationship atm.

b tier

cole was in his head while envy went through inesca's memories 👍 that's scary and offputting when you're hyper repressed and have a complicated relationship with your own self worth, but you can't help but trust a man who's been inside you and still calls you the next morning. you know how it is.

cullen is cassandra but a man, so inesca likes and trusts him less (#misandry). they've got a business relationship, but inesca's personal templar experience makes him hesitant to actually warm up to cullen atm.

c tier

sera he WANTS to be friends with. he likes her! he agrees with her overall viewpoint! or if not agrees, at least doesn't disagree. she just makes him feel the most self conscious of all his companions, because he's constantly saying things she seems to find offputting. he's used to people arguing with him when they disagree with him, but she basically just calls him names and shuts the conversation down, which he doesn't know how to recover from. two people who have absolutely no idea where they stand with each other. </3

iron bull he's neutral on. he doesn't know him well enough to really have an opinion, because he's the newest recruit inesca brought on (after cole, who was In His Head, so that's different). he SEEMS nice enough, but also he's a qunari spy who keeps asking follow up questions to things inesca would prefer remain unspoken. uneasy relationship.

blackwall he also doesn't know very well. i think they end up bonding over woodcarving later, but as of right now blackwall is a hero-figure who inesca doesn't really know what to do with. he's doing grey warden favors for him, but doesn't know him personally. distant coworker.

misc

dorian i didn't put on the tier list because he's not a companion for inesca yet. their first meeting inesca doesn't like him. too prone to showboating and theatrics in a way inesca finds offputting. doesn't understand how his meeting with fiona turned into talking with a bunch of guys from tevinter (#misandry take 2). unimpressed. would be d tier if i were to place him, but it's simply not a fair ranking because inesca Does Not Know That Guy. although considering dorian greatly disapproves if you do cotj instead of ihw, i do think they mutually start off on the wrong foot with each other.

[etherfabric]

Directions from Your Higher Self

Choose a pile by which picture you resonate with the most.

If your mind is too busy to clearly decide, take a few deep breaths, and use the finger of your non-dominant hand to hover over the images. One will give off the most subtle yet prominent signals, like tingles, a magnetic pull, or temperature. This is your pile. Multiples are also possible.

Pile 1

The Star, The Moon

You started to believe in miracles, and are now scared shitless. No small expectations keeping you safe from disappointment anymore. You got a taste of what magic feels like, and now fear dullness like the plague. Two things: You are allowed to have boring days, that doesn't mean the magic is gone. It can't be Christmas everyday. You would get sick of the lights eventually, believe me. And the other thing: That's why they say that victimhood can be a kind of safety blanket. If you already expect only crap from life, there is no horrible suspense anymore. But now... you can't go back. Even if you try it.

This is an icky phase of metamorphosis. It's normal that it feels disorienting and like you can't make sense of anything anymore. Do soothing stuff, calming habits, be around safe people. And spoiler: This is about embracing your humanity in a whole new depth. Don't worry, it will feel supernatural again soon enough. But for now, practice being plain, while also weaving your belief in miracles into it. Challenging, yes, but nothing you can't handle. You got this.

Pile 2

The Moon, 3 of Pentacles

Nothing you put energy or effort into seems to yield anything. It feels like punching in slowmotion, nightmarish. Hitting no one who needs to feel your hits. Newsflash: This is not a time for work! Get soft, dammit. You can't experience rest while still trying to prove something. No one is watching. You are being your own cruel audience, and boo yourself into despair. What are you aiming at? Who convinced you that particular thing is the sole hope for you to be happy ever again?

I love you, you are me, I am you, but I can't let you go on like this. Not with what lies ahead of us. If you only knew how easy things will get. How many fears will never come true. How much lighter you could afford to be. How much love you already deserve. But you have to dare opening your arms, and put the tools down. The monuments you try to erect are aimed at Gods you won't believe in anymore once you experience your feminine side as a gift, and not a curse. Grindset? Grind your teeth while napping, if you have to. But this is bigger than your egotistical, temporal ambitions. You need to do it slow, and I won't stop insisting. Because I can see more than you. You will have no choice but trusting me on this one.

Pile 3

The Emperor, The Devil

Have you heard of this awesome thing called "free will"? Let's take that baby for a ride. Use 3 spoons for the same meal. Lie on the floor of your hallway and recite a song. Buy a stranger a magazine about trains. Take a pair of scissors to your least favorite shirt. Name your nail polishes after famous people. The possibilities are literally endless, but yet you rotate the same 7 things. They will stay ready for when you need them next, but let's shake it up a little, huh? No wonder you feel trapped and stuck. But YOU make the rules, at the end of the day. Yes, there are outer limitations you have no influence over, but even in a literal cage, you can decide what you think, or how you sit, or what notes you hum, or what shadow figures you make with your hands.

The thing itself is meaningless - it's about you experiencing being a CREATOR. Not just a servant to others. I don't care if it's throwing a paper plane into your bathtub, or quitting your job and disappearing to Nepal - but we crave novelty and agency. Deeply. Break the self-imposed limits, any of them. Just to feel what it feels like. It's more rewarding than you imagine.

Pile 4

The Hanged Man, 2 of Cups

Oh shucks. You like someone. It happened. And you can't cancel it willynilly. Suppression has run its course, and now you have to face the embarrassment of having a heart with a need to connect and love. This has completely ruined your illusion of sovereignty you so deeply depended on to feel safe in the world. What now? Where will it lead? What does it mean? What will happen next? Do they like me? Do they think of me? Do they think of me badly? Why do I think about them? Is this me being brave, or pathetic? Is there a true difference?...

The questions don't stop, and you know what - they shouldn't. This is less about the "result" of this connection (I know, boo me, because this is your hyperfixation above all, despite not ever admitting it) and more about getting you out of your shell to be curious about yourself again. The heart needs to be open, and these fears and doubts have been there for a long time already. You are ready to face them, examine them, and learn more about yourself than any flavour of aloofness could ever teach you. I know you hate it, but I can also see the faint giggly twinkle in your soul from up here, buried under all this denial and acting tough. And that's the most scary part for you. That you actually like someone, like, in THAT way. How scary that life has no guarantees, but coming to peace with that truth will serve you much more than any relationship ever could.

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

Love and Deepspace Guys with an S/O that Craves Affection

Original Ask:

੭ ᐕ)੭*⁾⁾hii! i just wanted to say that i lov your works, especially the love and deepspace hcs, and i wanted to request the Love and deepspace boys with a reader who craves attention and love because they never got it from their family.

thxx have a wonderful dayy!

CW: none? Maybe hurt/comfort, gn!reader

A/N: hoenstly, this one was a little rougher to write. Not that I mind, but I'm fairly familiar with the feeling, and dredging up old BS is never fun. That said, I like imagining our boys in these kinds of situations. It's very theraputic

Requests are OPEN

Rafayel

Honestly, I think of the boys, he's the person who would have the hardest time

It's not that he's not affectionate, but part of his personality is that indirect, teasing method of communication

In this particular situation, I feel like you would need a very direct form of affection

I do think fish boy would be very willing to I've that affection, especially in a physical form. He seems like the sort who would really enjoy cuddles, but getting praise and affection directly is not going to be as easy

If you're direct about your needs, however, he will do his best. He doesn't want to alienate you and he really does want to give you the best he can

On the other hand, 100% expect him to give your family no respect whatsoever. Raf is totally willing to be rude and even more aloof than he is normally and he may very well not even give them the time of day

Your family wants to visit? Nah. He's just going to recommend a visit to the beach instead. If you are, somehow, on good terms with your parents he's going to take a lot of persuading to get into the same room, much less be cordial. Granted, it's hard enough to get him to consider a social engagement to start with, so that's not really a deviation from normal behavior

Xavier

Sweet, sweet, sleepy Xavi is the exact opposite of Raf. He is amazing at this, in part because affection comes very easy to him--at least after you get together

He is super fond of cuddles and time spent together and anything like that, so giving it is a natural extension of that

I will say, he's not as verbally expressive (it's kinda hard when he sleeps so much) but given that his favorite pillow is probably you, I think the point gets across quite well

The one downside is that sometimes you can be feeling particularly in need of attention and affection and well, he's asleep. Or at work. But probably asleep, so he's a bit unaware

Of course, he's totally down if you tuck yourself under his arm and cuddle anyway, but sometimes you need him awake

But he's fairly aware of this and insists that you communicate and wake him up if need be. And he will at least try to stay awake. No guarantees (I mean how the fuck does he manage to sleep standing up?), but he'll try

Zayne

Zayne is actually hard for me to peg, despite him being 100% my bias

For Zayne, action trumps words. He's a quiet person, but he's actually very demonstrative

He's also very cerebral about it and observant, so he may very well pick up on your need for attention and love before you're even aware of it yourself

He does research and definitely recommends therapy. He's well aware that it can be difficult to fulfill your needs because, well, overtime

He's a workaholic and that habit is hard to break, especially with his own issues and his care for his patients

That being said, when you're in the same place, expect a lot of affection

Whether it's holding hands, or a hand around your waist, or little things like taking care of your physical well being. He has this knack for making you feel seen and safe and cared for without verbally expressing his emotions

He also makes sure you know that if you need to call, you can. If he's free he'll never ignore you and get back to you as soon as possible

[dontbelasagnax]

*curling like a cat against your ankles* Lasaganie, more Codywan headcanons?? 🥺👉👈 (only if you gave them/want to share of course. thank you, you’re amazing and I love you :3c)

I am late but I come bearing gifts in the shape of the codywan headcanons you asked for!!! And I love you too 🫶

- In a no order 66 setting, Obi-Wan has a caf mug that he considers to be Cody's. This would be normal except Obi-Wan bought it during the war and always meant to find the occasion to give it to him but never got around to it. That's to say he's exceedingly normal about this cup. Especially when Cody starts spending time around his apartment and Obi-Wan serves him caf in it. For the first time. Then all the other times as well. Feeling his heart crack open seeing Cody with His Designated Mug. A mug Obi-Wan's perhaps had too much time to place too much sentimental value onto. He's perfectly normal about it and doesn't act weird at all.

(more headcanons under the cut. it's a bit long)

- Cody is a hopeless romantic but won't ever admit it. He loves romance novels and holofilms. From trashy to highly acclaimed, sweet to stuffed with depravity, he enjoys them all. They're just a spot of escapism for him. A fantastical tale to distract himself from the toll of war when the night cycle is quiet and grief is loud. The stories are all so wildly outlandishly unrealistic to him. He's a clone. There's no future for him outside his role in the war effort.

And then one fateful campaign they're on their feet for a full tenday before they encounter an outcropping with flora and fauna that, finally, aren't actively trying to kill them and they are able to set up a tentative base of operation while planetside.

General Kenobi insists everyone rest while they can. Cody lost his bedroll to some sort of carnivorous plant along the way. General Kenobi acts like it's an affront to his very livelihood when Cody tries to sleep on the ground of their shared tent. Cody is tired. He doesn't have the energy to fight back on something so stupid. Which means they have to share a bedroll. His general's bedroll. Where they're physically incapable of both laying on the little mat unless they're plastered together. Cuddling.

It's the best sleep of his life.

...Exactly like how the romance novels describe it.

He's not dumb. He's been aware that he's in love with his general. He just thought the romance novels were all embellishing to a ridiculous degree and none of it was actually... realistic.

But if the romance novels are right about this, what else is just as magical in reality?

And maybe, just maybe, could there be some hope for a glimmer of a chance for him to pursue something else with Obi-Wan after the war, if they both make it that far?

- I am fully of the belief that, in a Tatooine husbands setting, the husband bit is a complete accident. Ben is stopping by for a quick pantry restock at the Pica Oaisis marketplace when it happens. He's lived at his hut long enough for the vendors here to have a familiarity with him so it's not exactly a surprise when one says to him, "Who's the shadow of a fella that's hangin' with you lately?" They mean well, he knows. And still, it's his business. He thinks his answer is quite crafty.

He says, "He's my partner," and leaves it at that. Partner could mean anything. Alas, either an older man living in an isolated hut with another older man implies a particular thing about their relationship or the vendors have a flair for the romantic because he quickly comes to discover on his next trips to the marketplace that he has a husband. Of all the assumptions one could make, it's certainly the most harmless and... he finds he likes it. Being seen as Cody's husband. It's all awfully embarrassing and he doesn't dare tell Cody any of it.

Cody discovers it for himself a few weeks later on a solo trip to the market to pick up some feed for Rooh.

"Here to do your husband's bidding?" a vendor asks and Cody blinks.

He blinks again. "Come again?" he says.

"Ben your husband; you're running his errand?"

His first instinct is to correct them, tell them he and Ben aren't married. But how would he even begin describe their relationship? After a few seconds deliberating he decides he's better off going with it. What harm could it do? Besides, on the ride home, he finds he kind of likes it.

And that's how they become husbands. Well, the beginning of it, anyhow.

[ptn-imagines]

Any thoughts on what a romantic relationship with Countess Chelsea would be like? 🥺 Thank you very much for your hard work, you're doing great 💛

Thank you for your kind words! As a matter of fact, I've thought about this often... You didn't specify, so I just wrote for Chief!Reader!

Romantic relationship between Countess Chelsea and Chief

It’s a relationship that surprises even the Chief themself, though they’re firm on one thing with Chelsea: they’re her partner, not her sugar baby. Please stop asking.

Chelsea does, in fact, stop asking, but not for the reasons you might think. Rather, she has everything she wants already; it’s normal to spoil your partner, isn't it? Why risk upsetting her beloved Chief over it?

This naturally means that Chief has to set boundaries very quickly, firmly stating that if Chelsea can't respect them, their relationship won't continue.

Chelsea pouts about it, but ultimately, her love for Chief wins out and she backs off.

Well, somewhat. She'll still buy the Chief a multitude of fancy and expensive gifts and shower them in gems, at first. Over time, as her relationship with the Chief develops, she'll swap from attaining gifts for Chief with her money to attaining opportunities for Chief with her influence. She's not afraid of using her power to lean on some influential people, and Chief will find themself having more free time than ever before.

Of course, when many of these outing opportunities inevitably turn into Mania incidents, Chelsea is fiercely loyal and protective. Sitri is always at Chief's side. If there are humans, not just Corruptors and Mania entities, involved in the crisis, if anyone tries to hurt the Chief… Chelsea will take care of them.

Chelsea doesn't take pleasure in making people disappear, but they're giving more worth to society as pretty gemstone statues anyway…

This behavior is the source of many disagreements between Chelsea and Chief, and is probably the biggest threat to their relationship. Chief absolutely hates this method of protecting them, but Chelsea is stubborn. Then again, so is Chief – plus they know that to some degree, it's an instinctive reaction triggered by Chelsea's Mania. They want to help Chelsea improve, but they know that it's not going to happen overnight.

In the occasional moments where Chief retires early, they like to visit Chelsea in her cell. The Countess is always incredibly excited and insists on Chief staying the night. When Chief answers that it's not allowed, she pouts and asks to at least cuddle Chief for a bit and help them get ready for bed. This, at least, is something Chief agrees to; it's something that thrills Chelsea too, since Chief doesn't usually let her be super physically affectionate during the day. She'll take these chances to plant soooo many kisses over her beloved Chief.

Mostly, affection during the day is limited to moments where Chelsea feels compelled to “mark her territory.” She's a jealous type, but can mostly restrain her reaction to other Sinners’ flirting to huffs and puffs and pouts… Except for a few Sinners that tend to cross a line for her.

Take Eirene, for example. The Countess despises Quinn's president in particular. Chelsea isn't blind to how Eirene treats her darling Chief as a pawn or property, and she's not afraid to get hissy when confronting the S-Rank, telling her to keep her paws off her Chief! Eirene never listens, though, which leads to common and heated altercations between the two. Chief has to keep them both separated for their own safety, though they're secretly touched at how far Chelsea is willing to go to defend them.

Whenever Chief sends her on a dispatch mission, Chelsea begs for the Chief to come with her. Usually, Chief has to decline, much to the Countess's disappointment, but on the rare occasion the Chief is actually able to accompany her, Chelsea never shows anything less than perfect performance.

Chelsea is also way too comfortable with barging into the Chief's office unannounced. She's hardly the only one, but she's definitely one of the most noticeable – constantly trying to sweep Chief away from their work to spend time with her. It's both distracting and endearing.

Oh, and Chelsea has planned the wedding out down to the last detail, of course. Chief nearly had a heart attack when she announced her plans, and reminded her that they weren't even engaged.

Chelsea tried to propose then and there, and has done so several times after as well, in exceedingly romantic gestures. Chief has said no each time, much to the Countess's profound disappointment, but… Honestly, if not for their job? They would've said yes already.

Sometimes, Chief wonders if they're doing Chelsea a disservice by being with her when their job demands so much of their time… But Chelsea always shushes them, saying that as long as she can have them, nothing else matters…

…Though if Chief wanted to quit, she wouldn't object to providing for them. This usually gets a fond eye roll and a gentle slap on the wrist from Chief.

[gepardling]

market day w/ gepard.

desc. : Something small that someone suggested i write. Going to a market day with your loverboy gepard :) (wc : 600 )

tags / cw : sfw, just fluff, doing shopping with geppie !! not proofread

○ It’s a market day !!

○ And you’re going with Gepard !!!!

○ Waaayyy more exciting than your usual grocery shopping, okay? I mean, Geppie can’t usually join you on those trips because he’s working when u have to buy stuff :(( but it’s okay, he always leaves you a list of things to buy and some money if he doesn’t get to see you beforehand 

○ This particular market day is special, hosted in celebration of the end of the stellaron crisis on Jarilo-VI. Many of the soldiers could actually return home to their families for a quick reprieve

○ Gepard gets the day off to partake in the festivities, which is absolutely HUGE given how he's normally busy and you don't get to spend much time together outside of home… Naturally, your face immediately lights up at the news that he's joining you ♥︎

○ The market is quite different from something you’d expect of Belobog. There’s a million different colors and scents lingering about the air, and the chatter of visitors bustling around is much livelier than usual.

○ You spend the day dragging Gepard around by his arm, visiting every stall and trying almost ALL the food available. Your lover merely let you tug him about as you please, he was content just watching the way your expression changed from mild curiosity to morbid surprise when you tried a dish that was a little too sour for your liking ♥︎ 

○ He might be a little too generous as well (Captain’s salary?) and almost ends up buying you one of everything that you lay your eyes upon. Though he did practice some self-restraint, urging that you “really don’t need it” when you brought him to the 15th perfume stall there.

○ You also have a habit of making him smell soaps with you, trying to discern which fragrance is superior before you end up taking all of them anyway.

○ After you parade him around for a while, Gepard starts to emerge from his shell and takes you to see things that catch his fancy too. He spends a lot of time around the botanist, in particular, as well as various candle merchants and fresh produce stalls. 

○ Listen – I'd like to think that Gepard is fond of candles. You know, lighting a few up at the end of a long day, just relaxing in their gentle glow. I don't think it's something he'd be vocal about, and it's definitely a habit he learned from someone else. But it's cute nonetheless :(( ♥︎ Bonus if the candles are scented

○ You probably end up leaving the market with too much to carry – soaps, perfume, house plants, candles, food… While the day was fun, seeing how you overspent makes you wonder how you're gonna make space for all these new things in your home :((

○ But it doesn't matter !! Geppie always makes a plan. And to be honest, this market was super beneficial for the both of you (maybe more practical for him than for you, seeing as he actually bought groceries too)

○ He ends up carrying almost all the goods too, cuz he insists he’ll hold it so you don’t have to :(( He’s such a gentleman, almost to a fault... the most you can do is fret over him but even then he denies your help... so stubborn !!

○ One bad placement almost sends the pile of parcels to the ground ! But luckily Gepard is quick on his feet and manages to prevent anything from dropping.

○ His face is burning at the slight blunder but at least he lets you carry some of the stuff now to help him out ♥︎ when you two get home it's an absolute relief that everything is still in one piece

u guys know those craft markets,,, yeah,,,,, i had 2 thumbsuck sum reason for there 2 b one but u know what !! i can do what i want. market day.

[mllemaenad]

Wait, I'm confused - if the Institute succeeded in the goal of the original FEV trials by creating synths, why on earth are they still doing FEV experiments right up until Dr Virgil leaves?

I mean, you're not any more confused than the people doing the research. The terminal entries all contain complaints about how pointless this is. :)

But okay. What's actually going on there? Two things, I think.

First off: just because you've successfully completed a project doesn't mean it's done forever. They first rolled out power armour in 2067, but people keep making new kinds of power armour (I wish they'd stop. I hate power armour. But they do.). Research and development on synths is still ongoing – it's just handled by the Robotics department. They're likely still using FEV, but it's just one tool in their kit, rather than the focus of their work.

Nothing new. Always the same. Have entered formal complaint with Directorate; these tests are not bringing in any valuable information. The organics project was spun off decades ago. Why do we insist on continuing this? – Virgil's notes, Progress Reports, Fallout 4

So why are they doing anything with it? Well, I think the first clue comes from the entry from Virgil's predecessor, Syverson:

Latest round of testing complete. Results are all within expected parameters. Informed Dr. Zimmer directly, as he had ordered the tests personally. He seemed annoyed with the results; unsure what he was looking for. He declined to specify why he wanted the tests run to begin with. – Syverson's notes, Progress Reports, Fallout 4

We know Zimmer. He was the head of the Synth Retention Bureau. More importantly, he's a character from Fallout 3. Zimmer was part of the quest The Replicated Man, and was specifically in the Capital Wasteland hunting down an escaped courser: A3-21, now going by Harkness. And Harkness is apparently a unique prototype:

This particular android… Designation A3-21, is… different. Special. The most advanced synthetic humanoid I've ever developed. The others, like my escort Armitage there, are all older models. Easily replicated. Ah, but A3-21… it would take years to recreate him! So you see, this android MUST be located. At all costs. The others are all… acceptable losses. But A3-21, he is… irreplaceable. – Dr Zimmer's dialogue, Fallout 3

Zimmer ordered a round of FEV tests, apparently shortly before taking off to Rivet City to attempt to recapture Harkness. What were they for? Well, we can't know exactly, which is kind of the point. FEV research at the Institute has been thoroughly sidelined in favour of "the organics project" so these people are being treated as lackeys and very much left out of the loop. This is at minimum a Robotics project, and may even be some courser-specific SRB-only thing.

We can make some guesses, though.

One possibility is that they were being used as an early phase of testing. Synths in general are valuable: the Institute aims to recapture any gen-3 synth who escapes. A courser would be more valuable still. And Harkness is apparently unique.

We do know that the Institute uses synths for medical testing, but there have to be some rational degrees of risk. Kill a synth, and you will need to use resources to replace them. Kill a kidnapped wastelander and ... well, from the Institute's point of view that's no great loss. If this was a project aimed at improving their more expensive synths (the coursers) then there would be a strong argument for limiting their risk.

This could have been a strain of FEV modified to do something in particular, and they were dosing wastelanders with it first to see if it was lethal or not before they tried it out on a synth.

If this is the case, Zimmer clearly did not get the results he wanted out of the test.

Another possibility is that they were a control group. This was just a normal round of FEV testing, and it's meant to be contrasted with some other thing Zimmer is doing. Again, he clearly didn't get the results he wanted from the tests – but we can't know exactly what he was doing, beyond the fact that he seemed to be working to enhance courser ability and had created at least one prototype.

So, yes, I think that's part of it. The FEV department was being used as a secondary lab for the now more valuable Robotics department, but they largely had no idea what they're doing or where their work fit into the larger picture. This would, yes, be terribly unsatisfying work to be involved in.

But they clearly continued doing these tests even after Zimmer's disappearance, and we don't have strong evidence for SRB involvement once he was gone. So that's the second thing. Because, well, making super mutants was sort of an end in itself, wasn't it?

One of the Institute's major strategies is keeping the Commonwealth in a permanent state of disarray so they can't unite against them. The Sole Survivor eventually pulls at least one faction together enough to do just that – and unless you sell out to them, they go boom.

They use synths for specialist work: Gen-3s to go in and replace wastelanders in order to either spy or run experiments; Gen-1 and Gen-2s to harrass, or to retrieve specific tech, like at University Point. But if you don't have a specific mission in mind and just want to give everyone a very bad day ... well, super mutants are great for that. Low cost to the Institute, because they already have the FEV and kidnapping does not seem to be difficult for them. Maximum grief and chaos for the people on the surface.

And yes, this too would be deeply unsatisfying work. Even setting aside how morally abhorrent all of this, you're not even doing science anymore. You're just in manufacturing. Collect human; dip human; release super mutant. That's got to be an exercise in misery.

But that's exactly how this played out, didn't it? Virgil rebelled after failing to get the project shut down any normal way, and the whole thing was shuttered.

So I do think "confusion" is a reasonable response to the Institute's continued FEV research – but I do think they were doing something with it.

[moodymisty]

Wow! Congrats on 1k followers!! Your writing is always a delight. 🥰

For your event, may I request Tech x F!reader with the prompt "You really want me?"

Thank you! I hope you have a great day. ❤️

❀ Milestone prompts list ❀

Author's Note: Awww thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my writing! and techtechtechtechtechtech

Relationships: Tech/Gn!Reader

Warnings: None, just fluff and confessions of love

"So, I have to ask..."

Echo's voice perks up your ears, as sits beside you. His glass is in his hands but he hasn't taken a sip yet, at least that you've noticed.

79's is relatively barren tonight, at least by the normal standards; Though it's still quite loud and packed with enough clones that traversal through the bar is for sure going to end up with you bumping into a few shoulders.

"Did you show Tech some new book or something?" He's not here tonight, having neglected coming out for drinks because of some important worked he wanted to finish, and had insisted you all go on without him. it's not incredibly unusual; This sort of scene isn't his type.

You think on Echo's question for a moment, pursing your lips as you look off in no particular direction trying to recall. Once you do, it's such a brief moment that you don't really think that it would be anything of note.

"Um, I mean I mentioned something not too long ago?" Echo leans back against the seat, an arm over the back behind your head.

"Ok, because he's not shut up about whatever it was for at least a week now. He's been researching it nonstop." That sentence makes you surprised, but also it's impossible to contain a smile at the thought of him doing something like that when you aren't around. It's, endearing. Not too often do you find someone who enjoys you enough that they try to enjoy the things you do. You love watching Tech tinker, to sometimes catch his tongue just barely poking out between his lips, but it makes your heart flutter a bit to know this new tidbit of info.

"Really? I didn't know he cared that much." Crosshair makes an amused noise.

"Cares? He's obsessed." He gets an odd look from you back, and Hunter seeks to clarify what Crosshair won't.

"The two of you really get along well," He says, and you raise your eyebrows. He can't exactly find the best way to put this so for the sake of his brother and for your own sanity, he'll be blunt.

"Look, we don't wanna shove into your business or anything," Hunter rubs the back of his neck. "But Tech really likes you." It's feels more than a little bit intense being underneath the stare of four eyes, especially considering who they are.

"But he's not gonna say it unless you do first."

Were you really so obvious in your attraction that they were all able to notice? You had hoped you were being at least somewhat subtle.

No point in denying it, you guess. They already have it all figured out.

"So, you want me to just go for it then?" You smile and laugh, expecting it to be taken as a joke. But instead, Hunter nods and agrees with you.

"Go sweep him off his feet."

You're not drunk in the slightest; seeing the outline of the Marauder ahead of you as you walk forward towards it with purpose. It's just that your conversation with the rest of the 99's has pushed you over the edge.

You ended up leaving not long after you'd finished talking, deciding to take the opportunity of Tech being alone. It's not too often you have the chance to do so.

You'll just say how you feel, and damn the consequences. You can't stay in the limbo anymore.

But Tech is just, so hard to read.

You've gotten better at it over time, but sometimes you find yourself wondering. His brothers know him best, and hopefully their encouragement doesn't end with you making an ass of yourself.

You have the codes to unlock the Marauder, bringing down the gangplank so you can head inside. Once you do, it's only takes a quick look to the right to locate Tech, who's situated in the cockpit using Gonky as an extension to his current work table; Which is the control panel. He heard your entrance and looks over, perking up in casual surprise.

"Oh, I thought you all would be out for most of the evening." He says it with curiosity, not disappointment. You notice he's reading one of the books you'd mentioned awhile ago when you step closer, datapad sat aside whatever he's been tinkering with. He must be using it as background noise.

"Yeah, it got a little too rowdy for my liking." He's soldering two wires together, humming and adjusting his goggles with a wiggle of his nose. When he speaks he's still working, not looking as you watch over him from his side.

"I apologize for my brothers if they said or did anything particularly uncouth; Them and large amounts of alcohol are not often the best combination." Speaking from experience? You joke to only yourself. Smiling, you wave off his concerns.

"Nah, they were fine," Your sentence hangs for a bit, leaning to one side as your eyes flick over his hands and arms. "I, wanted to talk to you, actually." That admission gets Tech's interest, naturally.

Gonky takes up a good portion of the free space between the seats, so he ushers the droid away and gives you the room to sit down.

"To me?" He seems both surprised and curious, already trying to figure out what you'd possibly need to talk to him about. It could be any number of things, it's not as if the two of you have ever run out of things to talk about.

"Yeah, I," You lick your lips, finding the words and the confidence to just say them.

Gods he looks so cute right now... You think while seeing his dark brown eyes watch you from behind his goggles.

"Do you want to go out sometime? Just you and me?" He quickly counts his tools as he puts them away back in his storage box, glancing up at you.

"Do you need help with something? I see no need why to specify just you and me if you would just like to go and-"

You get out of your seat and kneel on the edge of Tech's, leaning inward and stealing a kiss from him. He certainly looks surprised the moment you pull away, but it seems to get the point across well enough.

"Oh," He says, adjusting his goggles from where you'd bumped them out of alignment. "You meant in that way." His eyes are wide, flicking around focus on a different part of your face as he thinks.

"I, failed to think this was a possible scenario." In any other situation you might've considered making a joke, but the tone would be ruined if you did so.

"Being a clone isn't a desirable trait apart from a few select scenarios, my brothers are quite overbearing, and the state of the war I-" He cuts himself off, brain thinking a mile a minute. "You really want me?"

You smile and nod, lips just barely dusting over his. You can still feel his breath on your face, before he decides to kiss you this time. His feels more assertive, as if he's quickly gaining the confidence in what he's figured out so far. His body rises from his aggressive slouch and his hands move up your thighs, from where they had laid politely on your knees.

"Do you want me to say?" You say, feeling his hands on your hips.

His brothers won't be back for most of the night anyways. He has plenty of time to figure things out and get all the answers he needs.

"Yes."

[prismatoxic]

alright im here to say: ramble abt the "awful boys" pls! You can share any fun facts abt them or just abt matt or even just share out of context facts abt the lore! (that'd be very funny) ✨

IF YOU'RE SURE... I CAN CERTAINLY DO THAT...

despite not being "mine", arguably felix actually is mine, just as much as matt is max's. we share them so much that they haven't really developed outside of that context, so a lot of things about them are entwined... though that said i do have a more solid grasp on matt since he is the one i made and largely craft the lore for. if there's anything i don't feel comfortable speculating on for felix i can always ask max what he thinks though

i don't really remember everything i've actually posted here, although i think i've largely been vague on tumblr with the exception of the lore dump under matt's new ref. i can reshare that and maybe felix's backstory as well, but first i'll just share some facts and lore tidbits

also this got So Long so here's a cut

felix met the original matthew once. at a company party, matthew had come along at his father's insistence, and really didn't want to be there. his father introduced him to felix--probably flippantly, they're closer in age than matthew is with most other people there but also the old CEO resented felix and wasn't exactly trying to include him in anything--but the conversation went nowhere. the next time felix saw him, matthew was dead and the godking had taken his place as "matt". (we have an au where the conversation did go somewhere and they actually started "dating", which is just even more awful for poor matthew than what he canonically goes through. felix shouldn't ever date other humans, he's a toxic cesspit)

there's an underworld of demons that has direct connections to the company, both in location and in business. it's part of why matt finds it so interesting. in the canon/"just me and max" version of the story, the demons working at the company are generally pretty good at being covert and are rarely noticed. once matt shows up, suddenly none of them go to the top floor, quickly hurrying out of the way if he's on other floors. felix notices, one of the several things that brings him to the conclusion of something being weird about matt before the truth is forced out.

(there's another version of the story where we've involved several friends, most of whom made demon ocs, though some made other entities. matt remains the only entity of his kind in that version of the story, but the divide between him and other supernatural beings is less severe.)

when felix does find out about matt's true nature, it's not in any particularly descriptive way, and the best guess he can make is "angel of death". the existence of potentially-religious figures concerns him somewhat, as he was raised in a religious household and if hell is real, then brother, he's gonna have a bad time. that said, this particular assumption is what leads to one of his most common petnames for matt: "angel", which matt seems to actually enjoy, usually

on the topic of petnames--they both use them and both usually do so sarcastically or mockingly. "angel" is usually used that way, too. it's later in their relationship when any of them become fond; "angel" is one used in such a way, but matt doesn't have any that are so specific. he defaults to mushy stuff like "love," "beloved," and "darling." it's easy to assume he's still being sarcastic.

but don't be fooled by talk of gentle fondness and love. a lot of their early relationship is marked by dubcon and eroguro, along with dozens of other filthy things, and those mostly continue indefinitely (maybe not dubcon, but certainly cnc). matt can't be killed via normal means and he can always bring felix back; with no consequences, they can do such horrible things, and felix's top kinks happen to include "snuff". how lucky he is! (i told you he's a toxic cesspit)

even so... they do love each other. maybe not at the start, no, but as things progress, absolutely. and neither thinks it's worth holding onto. for felix, matt certainly will never feel the same; for matt, it's simply foolish to feel such a way about a mortal. and yet... every time he brings felix back from death, he imbues him with some of his own stardust. felix doesn't know it's happening until his own powers start manifesting and he starts feeling matt's emotions. even then, matt brushes off his involvement in those things happening.

i actually wrote a little story about one of the defining moments of their relationship, a turning point for them both (but especially felix). i meant to post it here and never did. maybe i'll do that. anyway

matt has always inherited memories and desires from those he devoured, but upon leaving a vessel he's often lost big parts of that. even so, the person he is now feels like an amalgam of all those he's eaten, and he has... surprisingly huge identity issues. he's kind of shaken when he realizes he's started thinking of this vessel as himself, not just "the body". he's never lived a life so full in any of his vessels, never had cause to tether himself to one identity. it scares him. but... he doesn't want to leave. felix is still here.

on that note, he inherited a few kinks from matthew that he's not really ready for. matthew never got to act on them, but matt can, and he does--much to felix's delight. watching matt turn into a drooling whimpering mess is such a treat.

i'm exhausted so idk how many more things i can easily rattle off. but you're welcome to ask more stuff!

here, have the malix playlist:

and below i'll put these guys' backstories, just because

Matt

The Godking is a young cosmic entity from an unknowable place somewhere out in the universe. He used to enter relationships with older beings, but as a younger being he was rarely fully respected; as a result, he became obsessed with the idea of gaining the sort of power that would force the others to acknowledge him as a peer. Crafting a divine dagger with parts of his own being, he used it to kill his partners, devouring their essences to absorb their powers. 

His last cosmic partner was an arachnid-like being who saw him for what he was before he could murder them. While they were unable to take his dagger, they still nearly killed him in the ensuing fight, and in the wake of the battle he was banished from his home dimension for his crimes. In his banishment, he lost his original form, left to wander the cosmos as a formless cluster of stardust.

He eventually ended up on Earth, drawn by the presence of supernatural beings mingling with the humans, as well as the humans themselves. He found himself enamored with the concept of human religion—of gods and deities that were worshiped for their control over the world. This was where he adopted the moniker Godking, an apt description of his influence on the humans who idolized him. For millennia he drifted from project to project, forming cults in his own name or joining human settlements to play with some of the residents, stealing the bodies of singular members to become "prophets" delivering the word of their new God. Inevitably, he always got bored, killing his favored toys so they couldn't exist without him and abandoning those who worshiped him. 

Not too long ago, the CEO of a successful company used ancient texts from one of the Godking's religions to invoke his name, asking for his aid in making the company prosper beyond his wildest dreams. Amused by the request, the Godking gave his word, then used his hypnosis abilities to drive the CEO mad to get him out of the way. Needing a new vessel to "fulfill the agreement" (a conscious choice, as he isn't the sort to be bound by deals or laws), he devoured the soul of the CEO's son, Matthew, assuming ownership of his body and using it to take over the company. 

He's grown fond of the name Matt, and in truth has also grown fond of Matthew's body, though he does frequently alter it to suit his needs. It's been some time since he enjoyed a specific form so much. It helps, perhaps, that a specific high ranking member of the company—the only person to have broken through the illusion to discover the sinister truth underneath—seems to like this form too.

He needs to leave it eventually, of course, lest his essence get so tangled up in it that breaking away gets difficult. Surely that won't be hard. 

Felix

Felix was born to an incredibly average family out in the suburbs, not too far from the city where he works now. By all accounts, he was a very normal child; he was pleasant, if a bit withdrawn, and wore very normal clothes, had a very normal haircut, and kept his room very plain. His interests were few and nothing noteworthy, and his performance in school was decent. 

Of course, all of that was only what outsiders saw—his extended family, school peers who didn't share classes with him, and the many mental health professionals his parents sent him to all considered him to be a normal, plain child. Anyone who spent a little more time with him could tell there was something wrong. His immediate family, closest to him by virtue of living with him, actively considered him a threat.

Felix was prone to killing and dissecting small animals, blatantly lying to manipulate others, collecting blackmail material whenever an opportunity presented itself, and generally intimidating anyone who could be pushed around in such a way. While many of his traits could potentially be explained by sociopathy, Felix was never formally diagnosed with anything, charming anyone who may have been able to into thinking he was fine. Perhaps his parents waited too long to get him looked at. Or perhaps Felix was always a conniving sadist, something within him darker than any mental disorder could explain.

Having since moved out of the suburbs and largely distanced himself from his family, Felix lives in an apartment with two roommates and works at the company Matt took over. When the old CEO was still in charge, Felix used his skills to blackmail the man extensively, gaining a position perilously close to the C-suite with the intentions to move even higher when the chance manifested. He was blindsided, as were many others, when the old CEO was institutionalized and his son inherited his company. Yet as the other executives and employees easily took to Matt's presence, Felix was furious that his plans had been disrupted... and cautious of the ways in which something about Matt seemed off.

When attempts to learn more or get Matt under his thumb failed, Felix resorted to murder. He's resorted to murder a lot, over the years. He's never been caught, never been confronted, never been stopped—and never met someone who could shake off a bullet to the skull. 

Until now.

[queencaramilflinda]

Can I ask why you're a shriek week hater? Genuinely curious! I never watched it

Ok so I am putting this below a cut in case anyone doesn't want to look at discourse which is completely understandable. Also this got kinda long oops

Shriek week... where do I begin? Since you haven't seen the season, let me step back and explain the premise. Shriek Week was a season set at a university for monsters, DM'd by Gabe Hicks. It used a system made by Gabe called the Mythic System. Each PC (Ally Beardsley, Lily Du, Ify Nwadiwe and Dani Fernandez) plays a student at the school for monsters.

I should also preface by saying I havent seen the season since it came out years ago so this is all based on my best memory and posts about the situation

The plot. It is said in the adventuring party that the original premise for this season was for it to be a straight up and down dating sim style game, but that Gabe decided to go another direction between episodes 1&2, which means that the plot was clearly scraped together extremely last minute and is generally nonsensical. It involves clones and an evil plant and a bunch of other stuff, it's just kind of bad. The fact that the plot was shoe-horned in last minute also really effects the pacing of the season, because it was only 4 episodes long and only ever originally supposed to be a fun and quirky dating sim game.

The rail-roading. This problem is deeply connected to the previous point. I havent seen Gabe in literally anything else so in no way am I making any statement about his abilities as a DM, and I am not the type to throw the phrase rail-roading around willy-nilly. The thing is, that because the clones and evil plant monster plot got thrown in so last minute with so little time to be resolved, it a little bit took away player agency, with players consistently attempting/asking to do things only to be told no, and instead led down a very particular path. Usually I am very forgiving of this sort of behavior as DMing is very hard and it can be easy for players to get distracted from the plot at hand... however the players were brought into this game under the pretense that it would be rom-com in genre, not plot heavy. So it kind of makes sense for them to be confused and not on board with the plot that they didn't know to expect.

Terry Talbo. Ok this maybe a me thing, because I do not particularly like Ify Nwadiwe in general, but the way he plays his character Terry Talbo has always made me uncomfortable. To quote a post I made several months ago " Ify plays his character as being kind of pushy towards women, not taking no as an answer when asking them out, and generally being toxically masculine in a way that was not criticized by the narrative or even really the players at all." A scene that distinctly sticks out in my head as both bad manners and bad gameplay is when Terry attempts to ask out a woman at the gym, and rolls low on his check. As a result, the woman says no. Instead of backing off like a normal person Terry doubles down and insists on rolling at least one or two more times to try again, and eventually the lady relents and agrees to go on a date with him. It all just felt icky, and it was not just a one time occurrence.

The cast. (This may also just be a me thing). Each member of that cast individually are deeply funny and talented individuals. However the majority of them did not know each other and the chemistry of the group was way off and did not pass the vibe check to me. One of my favorite things about actual play shows is the secondhand feeling you get of being in a friend group and playing dnd. Shriek Week did not have this, which reduced my enjoyment.

The University Setting. I am putting this last because it's such a small complaint comparatively speaking, but the seasons that came immediately before Shriek Week were The Seven and Misfits and Magic. It was the third season in a row to take place in a school as one of its primary locations, and I think im not the only one who was feeling burned out of this premise by this point.

This is what I have off the top of my head without fact checking anything, so I apologize if I am missing something major or am incorrect about any of the details! I love d20, and while Shriek Week was not for me, it has in not in anyway impacted my devotion for the show.

[13eyond13]

So, not an ask for any game in particular, but do you know if there's a credible source on L being a very cleanly? I swear I read The TV Tropes page for him, which is of dubious trustworthiness, lists him as a clean freak and in certain adaptations being concerned about illness. I don't have the manga so I can't corroborate if this is true, and it doesn't have a source listed. I know some people interpret him the other way as being bad with cleanliness and hygiene. I am aware of the human washing machine but I'm pretty sure it's a gag. As the leading L historian, what are your thoughts.

Hahaha, the leading L historian! I'm honoured though unsure about that, but I will do my best to answer your ask... Well, I think of him as a bit of a clean freak rather than a grubby person, and apparently Ohba does as well. This is how Watari describes L in that infamous "human washing machine" panel from the one-shot that describes a day in the life of L: "He is rather fastidious and bathes himself often."

If we look up the word "fastidious" it sometimes means "very concerned about matters of cleanliness:"

Though I don't think L ever mentions anything along these lines about his hygienic habits or preferences in the manga, I feel as though he can suggest this vibe with his habits and mannerisms at times.... such as how delicately and fussily he holds most objects, the generally hermit-like way he normally lives his life, and the impersonal way he handles most social interactions (eg. using a proxy much of the time, or having his suspects restrained and filmed so he can observe them from afar without interacting with them personally himself, etc.)

However, the fact that he's a fairly shabby-looking character who wears the same thing every day and has a lot of self-indulgent, antisocial traits can also mean people read him as the opposite easily as well (just another one of those tightropes of extreme opposite traits L ambiguously walks as a character)... and there are certainly panels in the manga that make him look like a bit of a slob at times too, particularly when it comes to his food (eg. crumbs from his snacks on his chin, or licking out the wrapper of his cupcake in a way that makes somebody else watching go "eww" lol):

Overall I tend to believe he's more along the lines of somebody who is rather fussy and particular about being clean, though I also don't really take that one-shot about him bathing in a washing machine too seriously as canon either, hahaha. I kinda just take the vibes from that one-shot about his personality into consideration and then make the particulars of it a little more realistic in my mind. Like yes, he does insist on bathing frequently and being very clean, but he probably is not particularly vain or elaborate about his routine. The way I interpret it is that he sees a lot of self-grooming and self-presentation chores as boring and tedious "necessary evils," and prefers to outsource them to Watari or find other kinds of time-saving shortcuts to get them over with as quickly as possible (like having several sets of the same clothes that he already knows he likes, using 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner type products, or avoiding getting haircuts until he absolutely has to, that kind of thing). I think it's mostly just because he IS a hygienic person that he can't eliminate that stuff from his life altogether, but if he could he would, because it's just not at all entertaining or interesting to him.

[omnipah]

for the character asks: pickman sangfielle and/or any malevolent guy of ur choosing

well if u insist!!!!

Pickman

Sexuality Headcanon: i do get very aro vibes from pickman and i think in a lot of cases she's functionally ace but. she sure did fuck that old woman! so i guess she's aro train-god-sexual lesbian. good for her Gender Headcanon: i mean i know this is the autism vibes but she truly does seem like the kind of person who's only doing woman because that's what she started as and knows how to do. she's still fairly cut off from traditional expressions of gender because of the autism and the Train Trauma but at the same time it's her version of womanhood and she's kind of spitefully attached to it now, even tho it's in a kind of nb way. A ship I have with said character: That Old Woman (shoutouts to chantilly scathe!!!) A BROTP I have with said character: duvall for that time he manifested into a scene he wasn't in to defend her honour A NOTP I have with said character: alekest i guess? i mean he did that himself tho. anyone else i mean. is it really friends at the table if the player characters don't all have weird unethical polycule vibes? A random headcanon: she seems like one of those people who can't cook for shit unless u give her a recipe with exact instructions and proportions and then even if she's completely unfamiliar with the technique she's suddenly a 5star chef. she thinks this is normal and everyone is like this and is baffled when colette gets moony-eyed at her over it General Opinion over said character: i am picking petals off flowers saying 'she loves me, she loves me not' i am doodling her name in my notebook i am cheerleading on the sidelines of every scene shes in i am holding her giant gun for her in case she needs it

Kayne Malevolent (i would say sorry but u did this to urself)

Sexuality Headcanon: i mean as far as canon goes he seems less concerned with gender and more concerned with whoever he doesn't consider boring. i could go ahead and just decide he's gay because he flirted with both john and arthur (not to mention the fruitiness) but that's too easy. if women were legal in malevolent he'd be uncomfortably horny about them too, i know it Gender Headcanon: whatever he's doing he's doing it a lot. A ship I have with said character: i mean given his whole deal he seems fairly impervious to like. intimacy. but i think it's fun when he gets all marina and the diamonds homewrecker in jarthur's already unstable marriage A BROTP I have with said character: well it would be lovely if there were sufficient characters in the actual show for him to actually have any kind of friendship with. or more likely affectionate rivalry considering how unpleasant he is as a person A NOTP I have with said character: i mean i don't know of anyone who's shipping him with anyone in particular but the only other recurring characters are larson yellow and the butcher and uh. all of them. less the butcher cus can u imagine the combination of fucked up hedonist trickster god + catholic guilt but still. the vibes are fucking rancid A random headcanon: this is mostly just taking the trope and running with it but i like to think he operates under fae rules, like, technically can't lie and technically has to keep his promises, so is like. extremely careful how he words things and what he avoids saying and leaves implied. bonus points cus he talks so fast u can't really tell he's doing it unless ur paying attention. yes i realise this is the third character in a row i'm headcanoning as a beaurocrat but listen it's my autism i get to project it General Opinion over said character: he's like a budget version of the outsider if the outsider listened to the orion experience. we love a fucked up trickster god and of course we love a bisexual covered in blood but yknow what else i love? characters who show up often enough to actually learn anything about them at all.

[the-firebird69]

Trap - Official Trailer (2024) - Josh Hartnett, Hayley Mills, Marnie McP...

You have no insults that have meaning because what you're saying doesn't make sense and as a master programmer what you're saying doesn't mean that you got anything you're saying I just got it and oh I have to tie my shoes and I can do that it's kind of a reverse joke other people get it and you can't tie your shoes and you know that people go after your information your computer is your notes your people until whatever you think you have luckily no I mean hopefully you won't think you have it because we know you don't

Zues Hera

You're absurd you're all absurd you're insisting something that I I'm pretty sure I have yeah okay I sort of get something a few comments from you and I don't and someone stopping you and having me do it and they're ruining everything and I can't stop them and he says it's the empire and they're doing it on purpose and having them go after you they're going after the money and other things the boys starting to really suck but yeah I still believe I have it and he could care less and I know he's very he's very smart

Trump so I guess I'm going to go around saying maybe he's stupid and he wants me to

We know you're very stupid and if you do that we're going to know that you're stupider than you should be

Mac daddy

Anybody to call some stupid ends up in jail or prison or gone so please do you idiot

Bill will

But some of these gifted people do is disgusting and repulsive and yet cost you around a lot they go up to people who are really smart tell them they're not smart and try and do something and say they're taking their place and they think that because they got looks and what felt like intelligence because of threats in the past or our motif like ours which had them doing it on purpose and it's really what's at the heart of the matter is this particular function and I've seen how it affects women bill will and Bill and others like my entire clan where these morons discounted their value which is great I don't complain about that end of it because they're doing it and people are saying that they're not valuable in any way and they have absolutely no intrinsic value and they can't even tie their shoes they're so damn dumb and people see that it's true and because there's only a few smarter people left they know that they have to go

Zues Hera

We understand this and it's very important we're going to get to stopping them and we see there's a whole bunch of them that do it and that they're really actually not bright in any way but they go up and they think they can overcome other people they did it before and heck 95% of them are running around looking normal from threats and that's the impression they get from it so it's really gross

Mac proper

The situation is bad and we know it so we were thinking that and a lot of us still do and it's awful they're just really dumb people I don't do anything on my own he comes by and helps and I give him credit so you will stop doing it to him

Bja

We noticed that you came up with an old fashioned rocket that works and it works now and it didn't before and he says I know how it works you can ask bja it's not very complicated and that's what I do I find ideas at work whether the complicated or not it doesn't have to be a computer that none of you can program or understand for it to work yet the computer is very complicated it does require someone who knows a lot about it I can reach back 10 years in memory and find a code line it's important so I'm continuing to ask about the missile and he says these are missiles for talking about and sticking up your ass so I guess I will

A cork

And it's this idiot Trump and he wants to know about it and have him prove himself and all sorts of stuff and his next door trying to record what he's doing

Olympus

[waywardxrhea]

Part Thirty-Five: The Attack

[slow burn romance between Steve Rogers and SHIELD agent Emma Baker]

Warnings: 18+, contains humor, fluff, mental health, family trauma, romance, angst, language, violence.

Word count: 2.9k

Emma is called back to the lodge on an emergency call from Steve.

The next year goes by...well...normally. Sam, Steve, Emma, and Natasha continue on a strict training schedule to keep up their health and combat skills while Emma balances a second life as Emily Walters in town as a writer, babysitter, cleaner, you name it, she did it. All was well until one fateful afternoon.

On this particular afternoon, Emma is in town cleaning a house for a sweet older couple. She had been there since morning and planned on leaving earlier, but the couple insisted on making Emma lunch as a thank you. In the middle of eating, Emma is telling the couple a made-up story about her childhood to keep her cover up when her phone starts to ring. She looks at the caller ID on the screen and excuses herself from the table to take the call. When she gets to the hall, she doesn't even have time to say hello to Steve before he says to her, "Emma, we need you home right now. There's an emergency."

Emma's mind races trying to think of what could be going on so she asks, "Steve, what's going on?"

"I'll explain when you get here. Please, hurry up and get back," he tells her.

Emma can hear Sam and Nat rushing around in the background and is about to ask for at least a little detail, but decides against it and simply tells him, "Okay, I'll be there as fast as I can."

Emma makes her way back into the dining area and the woman can tell she is stressed, so she asks, "Emily, what's wrong dear?"

"I...I don't know..." she whispers while grabbing her purse off the back of her chair. "My boyfriend just called saying there's an emergency back home, I should get going, I'm so sorry to leave so abruptly."

"Oh okay, dear. Well here's your payment for today, thank you again, the house looks wonderful!"

Emma smiles and takes the cash from her, saying, "It was nice seeing the two of you!" With that, she gets into the truck and drives as fast as she can back to the lodge.

When she arrives, she sees Natasha, Sam, and Steve all suited up like they were heading into a fight. "Steve, hun, what's going on?"

Steve hands Emma her AI supplies and tells her, "Banner called from that burner I sent Tony. There's a major problem in the city. Tony's been taken off into space and a very bad group of aliens is after Vision. We need to get to him and Wanda now."

Emma hasn't seen Steve this serious in a long time, so she just nods and follows him onto the jet where Nat and Sam are getting ready to go. Steve prepares the jet for takeoff quickly as Natasha hands Emma a thigh holster and a pistol to put on once they get to their destination.

When they get in the air, Emma asks out loud, "What are we up against here?"

"Remember the battle in New York right after we first met?" Steve asks.

"Yeah, with all those crazy aliens and Loki?" Emma asks.

Steve nods and says, "The guy who orchestrated that is after the mind stone, well all of these things called Infinity Stones actually, but we need to make sure to protect this one. Banner said he even scared the Hulk into hiding so he means business..." Emma can sense the tension in the air, so she just nods in response, not asking anything more. When Steve goes into Captain mode, it's best to just follow orders so the mission goes smoothly.

While on the way to the last known location of Wanda and Vision, Natasha works on finding their exact location and Emma keeps an eye on what happened in New York to see what they are up against. "Oh God," she whispers to herself, seeing all the damage the two creatures did in the city. Sam peers over her shoulder to see the footage and sighs, running a hand over his head, trying to prepare himself for what will probably be the fight of his life after all this time.

"I found them," Nat calls out to Steve as they close in on the city. She runs to the front of the jet and shows Steve footage of their exact location.

After plugging in the coordinates, Steve quickly gets the jet to the area where the pair are fighting the alien creatures. He puts the jet's stealth on and stands up from his seat, saying to everyone, "We're going into a fight that we don't know what to expect, we need to all be on our A games okay? I know we haven't been in a battle in a while, but we've done enough training together to work as a well-oiled machine to take these things down. Is everyone ready to go?"

Natasha smiles and nods, "Whenever you are, Cap."

Sam pops his wings out and nods too as Emma tightens the mini tablet on her arm and boots up her earpieces. Steve turns to Emma and asks, "Ready, Em?"

"Let's do this," Emma replies as she sends out SAM in stealth mode.

The four of them unload from the jet and make their way quietly into the train station where Wanda and Vision are fighting their attackers. As soon as they get into the building, Sam flies off for an aerial attack while Nat sneaks off into the shadows. For now, a moving train hides Emma and Steve's position, so before they get into the fight, he quickly kisses Emma and looks deep into her eyes, telling her, "Be careful."

"Always," she replies before sneaking off into the opposite shadows that Nat did so they can have all vantage points covered.

While in the shadows, Emma thinks to herself Now what are we up against here? SAM, reading her thoughts, says quietly into Emma's earpiece, "They aren't of Earth. I don't have much data on their exact species, but I can continue to try and find intelligence on them. I just say hit them with all we've got. Everything has a weakness, so I'll analyze the fight and figure it out as we go."

Emma nods as the train finally reveals Steve to the invaders. She stays in the shadows as she watches Steve flawlessly catch the spear that is thrown at him by one of them. While the aliens are distracted, Sam flies in and delivers a swift kick to the both of them, sending one flying into a nearby diner. He and Steve wordlessly coordinate into a seamless tag team fight as Emma and SAM begin analyzing fight patterns.

From across the station, Natasha makes eye contact with Emma and they nod at each other, getting ready for a tag team fight of their own. She sends SAM up high while Natasha goes in for close-range attacks and Emma distracts the creature with shots from her pistol. To try and weaken the creature, Emma orders SAM to blast it with all she's got while making sure not to hit Nat in the process.

In an attempt to knock the alien off its feet, Emma takes a double shot at the back of the creature's knee with her pistol while Nat gets in a good hit on it from the front. This only seems to infuriate it even more though and its aggressiveness increases along with the power of swings and attacks it deals on Natasha.

Taking matters into her own hands, Emma holsters her gun and runs into the fight herself armed with the energy bracelets Shuri gifted her. She gets in a few good hits before getting knocked back by the power of the creature's spear. This seems to somehow infuriate SAM because her attacks become more aggressive and closer in range than before Emma was tossed aside.

When Emma reorients herself from the hit, she sees SAM get hit hard with the spear and smirks, saying, "Oh you should not have done that." She calls out to Natasha to get out of the way and flies the now purple glowing drone right into the midsection of the alien, sending it flying across the station and into a stairwell.

After she does this, Sam kicks the other creature to the same area and the four of them converge on the aliens, drawing their weapons in case they decide to attack again. Finally catching her breath, Natasha says in a low voice to the invaders, "We don't wanna kill you, but we will."

"You will never get the chance again," the creature replies as the pair are beamed up into a previously unnoticed ship in the air.

Once the aliens have left, the group makes their way over to Wanda and Vision. "Can you stand?" Sam asks Vision.

He helps Vision stand with the help of Wanda and Vision smiles at Steve, saying, "Thank you, Captain."

"Let's get you on the jet," Steve tells him and begins leading the way back.

On the jet, everyone gets settled in and Natasha says to Wanda, "I thought we had a deal. The deal was you check in every now and then and don't take any chances. We went months without calls from you, Wanda."

Wanda looks down guiltily, saying, "I'm sorry, Natasha. We just tried to live as normally as possible and I guess it just slipped my mind."

Nat ignores the statement and Emma looks over to Wanda and mouths, "It's okay." This earns a weak smile from Wanda in return.

For the return trip, Sam is piloting the jet, and from his spot up front, he asks Steve, "Where to, Cap?"

"Avengers Compound," Steve tells him.

Sam looks back and says, "Steve, you do realize we're still some of the most wanted criminals on earth right? I don't think we'll be exactly welcome back there."

"We may be wanted, but this fight is up to every single one of us to win, no matter the past," Steve replies as he paces the ship.

Emma cues up battle footage for analysis as well as footage from New York to get SAM prepared for what's to come. She then looks up at Steve and pats the seat beside her, inviting him to sit. When he sits, Emma leans her head on his shoulder and whispers, "Hey, everything is gonna be okay. We'll figure this out."

Steve sighs and leans his head onto Emma's, thinking through what the plan is for once they land. After a few minutes of silence and thinking, he finally gives Emma a once over and sees her tattered shirt sleeve that has some blood on it, and asks, "Em, are you okay?"

Emma looks at her upper arm and says, "Oh, that? Tis but a scratch. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Steve asks with concern in his eyes.

Emma is about to tell him yes and get it over with, but she knows he needs a distraction right now, so she jokes instead, "Actually can you help me clean it up and cover it? I don't want some sort of alien infection from that thing."

Steve's heart skips a beat at the thought and he mumbles, "Please don't joke about that, Em..."

"Right, I'm sorry," she replies and kisses him quickly before he heads off to get the first aid supplies.

When Steve gets back and starts cleaning up Emma's arm, he tells her absentmindedly, "You know, we really need to get you some sort of suit to protect you. It isn't safe for you to be going into fights in normal clothes like this, Em..."

Emma nods as he wraps her arm and tells him, "You're right. Maybe when we get to the compound we can find something laying around that's more protective than my trusty flannel." Seeing Emma's smile at her own joke, Steve can't help but crack a small smile in response.

When they all arrive at the compound, Emma helps Sam support Vision as they walk in. They follow as Steve and Natasha take the lead and as they approach the conference room, they see Rhodes having a meeting with a holographic Secretary Ross. The holograph turns to the group as they approach and Steve starts with, "Mr. Secretary."

The hologram approaches Steve and says, "You've got some nerve, I'll give you that."

"And you could really use some of that right now," Natasha tells him.

Ross takes a look at the group and asks, "The world's on fire and you think all is forgiven?"

Steve maintains that stoic look of his and replies, "Well I'm not looking for forgiveness. And I'm way past asking for permission. Earth just lost her best defender, so we're here to fight. And if you want to stand in our way, we'll fight you too."

Ross turns away from Steve and tells Rhodes to arrest them to which he replies, "All over it." When he says this, Steve subtly steps back and puts a protective arm in front of Emma, not wanting to let anyone take her away from him without a fight. He doesn't have to end up in that fight though because as Rhodes ends the call he cuts his act, smiling at Steve and telling him, "It's good to see you, Cap."

Steve drops his arm from in front of Emma and puts his hand out for Rhodes to shake, telling him, "It's good to see you too."

Natasha joins the reunion while Sam, Emma, Wanda, and Vision stay back a little way. Rhodes looks at everyone and says, "You know for almost two years on the run, you guys don't look half bad."

"Well that's all thanks to Emma," Steve tells him.

Rhodes raises his eyebrows and Emma replies, "I know places."

"Well I have to agree, you all look great," comes the voice of Bruce Banner as he emerges into the room. He chuckles a bit and adds, "Yeah, I'm back."

"Hi, Bruce," Nat replies, not really knowing what to say after all this time.

"Nat," he says back.

As they share a lingering gaze, Sam leans over and whispers, "Well this is awkward..."

Emma holds back her laugh as she whispers back, "Was this how awkward it was with me and Steve?"

At the same time, Sam, Wanda, and Vision whisper back, "Absolutely."

Soon after the reunion, a brainstorming meeting commences. "So we can assume they're coming back right?" Rhodes asks.

"And they clearly know how to find us," Wanda adds.

"Well we need all hands on deck, where's Clint?" Bruce asks.

"House arrest," Nat tells him. "After the Accords, it was gonna be too hard on their families so he and Scott took a deal."

"Scott?" Bruce asks, crinkling his eyebrows in confusion.

"Ant-Man," Steve tells him.

"Wait, so there's an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?" Bruce asks.

He shakes his head and says, "Thanos has the biggest army in the universe, what we saw back in New York was only a fraction of that. He isn't going to stop until...until he gets Vision's stone."

"Well, then we protect it," Emma pipes in.

Vision speaks up, saying, "No, we have to destroy it..."

Emma looks at him after connecting some dots in her mind and shakes her head, telling him, "No, Vision. We just have to-"

Vision holds up his hand to stop Emma and he says, "I've been doing a lot of thinking about this entity inside my head, about its nature. Also its composition. I think that if it were exposed to a powerful enough energy source, something similar to its own signature, perhaps...its molecular integrity could fail."

He finishes his statement while walking toward Wanda and while he does, Wanda makes the same connections Emma had and tells Vision, "Yeah, and you with it... We're not having this conversation."

Vision takes Wanda's hands in his own and replies, "Eliminating the stone is the only way to ensure that Thanos does not get it."

"And that's too high a price," Wanda says, trying to keep her voice steady.

Vision gently caresses her face and tells her, "Only you have the power to pay it."

Wanda takes a few steps away to process everything and Emma takes the steps to be with her, giving her a hug and whispering, "We're gonna figure this out. There has to be another way..."

While Emma holds Wanda, Vision says aloud to everyone, "Thanos threatens half the universe, and one life cannot stand in the way of defeating him."

This whole time Steve has been taking in the conversation but now finally speaks up, telling Vision, "But it should. We don't trade lives, Vision."

"Captain, 70 years ago you laid down your life to save others. Tell me how this is any different," Vision counters.

Before Steve can say anything, Bruce interjects, saying, "Because you might have a choice here."

He then starts explaining how many people and different technology went into making Vision who he is to which Wanda asks, "So you're saying he isn't just the stone?"

"Well, what I'm saying is that if we manage to take out the stone there's still a whole lot of him left. Maybe the best parts."

"Can we do that?" Natasha asks.

"Not me, not here," Bruce admits.

"Well, we better start finding someone and somewhere fast," Rhodes tells them. "Ross isn't just gonna let you guys have your old rooms back."

The gears in Emma and Steve's minds begin to turn and as he makes eye contact with Emma across the room he says, "I think I may know somewhere."

"Wakanda," Emma whispers, slowly bringing her hand to the back of her neck.

Steve nods and Sam asks, "So what are we waiting for?"

a/n: and now we know why I had to do a light hearted installment before this. things are about to get rough folks, so hold on to your hats because you're in for a bumpy ride!

taglist: @mrsevans90

[zoeykallus]

Bad Batch x f!Reader - Fight And Make Up Again HC's

Warnings: Sugeestive / Partly Smut 18 +

________

It's not always peace and quiet, even with the guys from The Bad Batch. It's quite normal that you clash at some point. So I asked myself how that would happen and thought about it a bit. Tech is surprisingly naughty by the way.

________

Hunter: is not easily rattled, there are a few trigger topics that definitely draw him out, among them are things that concern Omega's safety and of course yours, otherwise arguments he participates in with you are rather teasing and harmless in nature. Little jibes that are fun and that you both can exchange without hurting the other.

However, if you really clash, for whatever reason, he will most likely be the first to give in and try to react reasonably. Especially since he perceives your emotional state much more intensely than anyone else and he can hardly bear it when you feel something negative.

He will be the first to regain his composure, try to meet you halfway and apologize. However, he also expects you to be accommodating and reasonable, as a diva you have very bad cards with him, that doesn't last long.

Hunter is not necessarily the type for make up sex, really heated arguments he takes way too much to heart, he will practically beg you to cuddle with him. He will, if you let him, snuggle up to you for hours, but no one said that make up cuddling shouldn't or can't lead to sex ;)

Echo: It's damn hard to argue with him, at least for you. He doesn't get rattled and is way too devoted to you to get mad at you. He adores you.

The only thing you always clash about is Echo's excessive caution. He insists that you always buckle up when Tech flies, he shields you from anything even remotely dangerous, as if you were a toddler. This can get quite exhausting and frustrating.

However, Echo is a sub through and through as far as you are concerned, he will automatically ask for forgiveness when you get mad (he still doesn't stop caring and protecting you), he can't stand your anger. He will take your hand and kiss your fingers, ask you how he can appease your anger.

You could now take advantage of the situation, ask him for sexual favors, don't worry, he doesn't feel taken advantage of, he actually goes for it. Little tip, ask him to lick out your pussy, in this particular situation, he'll go the extra mile. If you ride him afterwards, he's practically in heaven.

A few minutes later: "You should buckle up, mesh'la, Tech's at the wheel".

Wrecker: It's almost impossible to argue with him. He doesn't get mad, at least not at you, you have to get really super mean for him to get really angry. So it's very unlikely that he'll ever really get mad at you.

That he might accidentally piss you off is probably more likely, but he'll never do that on purpose, he doesn't like to argue at all, especially not with you. He apologizes without making a big fuss, he is sincerely sorry if he upsets you.

He likes the idea of make-up sex though, he sometimes teases you jokingly to suggest make-up sex. He'll make you mad, but not like really mad, just a tiny bit.

"Come on,Cyare, wrap your gorgeous thighs around my head, your man wants to lick out your sweet honey pot".

Tech: Discussing with Tech is exhausting. He just knows too much, the problem is he's aware of it, but knowing a lot doesn't mean you're always right, but that's what Tech thinks. He has a hard time allowing anyone else's opinion, even yours. He needs proven facts for everything. This can be frustrating and may well lead to an argument or two.

Tech doesn't like to argue, it's much more of a stubborn discussion he has and he likes to throw all kinds of info around in the process. When he is in the right, which is most of the time, he is relatively smug about it.

Since you don't like to argue in front of the others, you've retreated to a quiet corner. And if you are lucky, he is in a special bold mood right now. Because it happens that he likes to play games from time to time, especially when he was right, he likes to savour it. He takes off his cod piece and looks at you insinuatingly.

"Time for you to apologize, don't you think?"

It's worth getting on your knees and giving him the pleasure, because he returns the favor very attentively and thoroughly every time.

Crosshair: is a bit more complicated. He doesn't necessarily avoid confrontation and likes to be a bit provocative, but he doesn't really like to argue at all. He likes to grumble, but arguing isn't really his thing. In fact, he tends to avoid situations of conflict, reacts a bit like a defiant teenager, and when he realizes that it's going to be unpleasant, he gets snotty and backs off.

You should not expect a direct apology. If he has misbehaved and is aware of it, he will rather seek your physical closeness, his touches will be gentle, he will give you kisses that he usually does not give out, gentle cheeks and forehead kisses, his way of saying sorry without really saying anything.

Make-up sex? Sure, what did you think? This is Crosshair we're talking about. But don't think just because he was wrong, now you get to play the dominant role in bed, he won't give it up without a fight.

@chxpsi

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

[typical-simplelove]

On Your Right (M. Tkachuk)

Author's Note: The longest one-shot I have ever written is for @raysofcrosby for @antoineroussel's Summer Fic Exchange; this is my first exchange, so hopefully, I did well. Thanks to Demi for organizing this! I truly had a blast working on this. I hope you enjoy this!! I used inspo from To All the Boys I've Loved Before and Bridgerton for this. Enjoy reading!

Summary: When you and Matthew both find yourself needing dates to individual events, Matthew proposes a plan where you both fake date. He suggests that he, who's been in love with you since the age of ten, and you, who is convinced Matthew hates you, date. What could possibly go wrong?

Word Count: 21.4k

Warnings: the time may not coincide with the way time works, but ignore that; hatred; friends hating each other; Matthew being an ass; fake dating; mentions of sex (nothing explicit or too NSFW, though); planes; only one bed

Sitting on the patio chair of the Tkachuk's deck was exactly how you expected to spend a Sunday afternoon in the early weeks of summer vacation. For the past ten years, it's the exact way you've always spent your Sunday afternoons in the summer. It was always the same. Your mother and Chantal would be in the kitchen with the air conditioning, and your dad and Keith would be at the grill making dinner. What they would make would change, but it would usually be somewhere between burgers and hotdogs to chicken or salmon. It was always a surprise. They'd never tell the kids not wanting any complaining. You always sat in a chair with Taryn on your left and with Matthew on your right. Across from you sat your brother and Brady next to him. Keith always sat at one head and Chantal at the other. Your dad sat in the seat next to Keith, and your mother sat next to Chantal. You would always drink lemonade, and your brother would drink iced tea. You never got to drink that at home, so you and your brother would make sure to share your cups. Sometimes, Matthew would drink a pop of his choice and share it with you. If it rained, the Tkachuks would go to your home, and the seating situation was the same around your dining room table.

Chantal and your mother would insist that you kids couldn't play inside at these Sunday afternoon dinners. Sometimes, your brother and the boys would play soccer and maybe let you and Taryn join. Oftentimes, though, you and Taryn would hang out together. Sometimes, Matthew would play with you and Taryn, and you'd all play family. You and Matthew would be married parents, and Taryn would be your daughter. If your brother and Brady chose to join, Taryn would be the aunt, and Brady and your brother would be the children. Taryn always joked that life should always end up that way -- you and Matthew married with Taryn as the aunt to your children. When she'd bring up the topic, your mother and Chantal would always give each other a knowing look as if they knew something you both didn't. Your dad wouldn't say anything, but Keith would pat his shoulder, again, as if they knew something you didn't. Brady and your brother would gag and tease Matthew. You and Matthew never said anything; you both were close friends, some would argue best friends, but it didn't matter. You knew that Matthew would be someone who would always be in your life. In your life, ages 5-10, you didn't understand the notion of marriage. All you knew was that you wanted Matthew to be in your life, and if it was marriage, then so be it.

Despite expecting to be sitting on that patio chair, you never expected you'd be watching Taryn, Brady, Matthew, and your brother playing while you sat there by yourself. It wasn't that they weren't including you, but they also weren't not not including you. They all decided to play your least favorite game, and you didn't want to, so you decided to sit and watch. There's more to it, though. The school year ended just the previous week, and you and Matthew graduated from elementary school and would be going to middle school. Somewhere within the past few weeks. Matthew went from being one of your closest friends to hating you. He just suddenly decided he didn't like you. You weren't sure why, but he just stopped being your friend. You told your mother you were sick so as not to have to come to the Tkachuk's today, but she said no. She saw right through your lie. You didn't know why Matthew didn't want to be your friend anymore, but it hurt. It hurt a lot. No longer were the days where you and Matthew would pretend to be a married couple. No more were the days where Matthew would share his pop with you. No more were the days where Matthew was your closest friend.

When Chantal called for dinner, you ran to the washroom to wash your hands and sat back in your usual spot. Despite knowing Matthew's recent emotions towards you, you hoped he'd still sit next to you. You watched as Taryn returned from washing her hands and began to apologize for not playing a game you liked. You told her it was okay, it was, and watched your brother take his seat across from you, as normal. You watched Brady put the toys away and go to the washroom to wash his hands. You watched as Keith and your father put the grilled chicken on the table, and Chantal and your mother set the sides on the table. Finally, Matthew emerged from the house, but what he did next confused you. He sat in Brady's usual seat.

"What are you doing, Matthew?" Brady asks when he sees where his brother is sitting. Matthew glares at you and shrugs.

"I just want to sit next here, today," Matthew says with anger in his voice. You weren't sure why he was suddenly so angry, but the look he had as he stared at you sent chills down your spine. That's when you knew. That's when you knew that Matthew hated you. He doesn't like you anymore, and you doubted he ever would You didn’t know it, then, but you now know that when Matthew opted to sit in a different seat and treat you with anger, he broke your heart.

Matthew Tkachuk broke your heart at the age of ten.

. . .

With Matthew out of the picture as a friend, you found yourself growing closer to your other friends. One friend, in particular, became your closest friend, Shelly. You and Shelly became the best of friends and stuck together through middle school, high school, and college. It was Shelly who convinced you that it would be a good idea to move to Calgary despite your hated family friend living there.

"Shelly, I don't think so," you tell her. "Actually, I know so."

"Come on, Ynn," Shelly eggs on. "Do it for me? I'm getting married! Please, can you bring a date? Actually, it's a must thing. I'm telling you that you have to bring a date. That's the only thing I need from you."

"So, the only thing I need to do as your maid of honor is to bring a date?"

"I mean, no? But, the wedding is in two months, and most of the stuff I've needed you to do has been done. Just this one thing, okay? I think you'll enjoy it much better if you have someone to hang out with. Who knows, maybe you’ll fall in love with him and marry him, and I can be your maid of honor."

"Fine," you grumble. "But, only because I love you."

You hang up the phone and groan. How were you supposed to find a date? You had a few work friends in Calgary, but you found it difficult to find a date. The one thing that annoyed you the most was that you had two months to find someone you liked and trusted enough to bring to St. Louis for a wedding. What were you going to do?

Now, a month later, you were standing outside one certain door you never thought you would with a plate of cookies, their favorite cookies, and angry that this was your last resort. You knock on the door of the apartment and await the smirk and comment you were bound to get.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my biggest admirer, Yn Yln," Matthew says with his signature smirk. Yup, you guessed it.

"Matthew," you grumble and walk into his apartment as he welcomes you inside. "Here are some cookies."

Matthew takes the plate from you, opens it up, and bites into a cookie. "Thank you," he says with a mouthful of cookies. You grimace at the sight and remind yourself about the task at hand. "You know, when you called me, I forgot you were in Calgary. Why haven't you ever called me before to hang out?"

"You're serious?"

"Very."

"Maybe the small fact that we've hated each other since we were like ten? Or, how about that time you spilled water down my dress at our joint eighth-grade graduation party? Or, how about that time you spilled Gatorade on my English project? Or, how about that time you told everyone we were dating when you clearly know WE WEREN'T. Or, how about that time you took my car keys and hid them at the bottom of your hockey bag in the men's locker room? Would you like me to continue? I can keep going as far as you need."

"No, no, I get the point. No need to remind me," Matthew tells you. He internally cringes at his actions growing up, but he has too much pride to apologize. "Anyways, that was when we were growing up and in high school. I haven't treated you like that in ages."

Matthew knows he shouldn't have said that immediately when he sees the glare you give him. "I have a list if you'd like for me to list it out?"

"Okay, fine, message understood. You hate me, and I hate you because of it. What do you need? You called me pretty frantically."

You narrow your eyes at Matthew. "Firstly, I did not call you frantically. I called you asking if I could ask for a favor. Secondly, I only hate you because you hate me. Third, I need your help with something."

"Okay, firstly, yes you did. Second, maybe that's right. Third, just tell me."

"Can you set me up with a teammate or a friend of yours for me to take to Shelly's wedding?" you blurt out in one breath.

"What?" Matthew laughs breathlessly, not sure if he heard you right.

"I need a date for Shelly's wedding, and I need you to set me up with someone you trust, please."

"You don't have a boyfriend?"

"No," you grumble out, and Matthew laughs at you. "It's not like you have a girlfriend or anything."

"Wow, look at you. Firing shots, huh?"

"Matthew, can you or can you not set me up with someone you know and trust?"

"Sure, I'll see who I can find."

"Great, thank you," you say and make your way to leave.

"Where are you going?" Matthew asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Home?"

"You just came here to ask me that and leave?"

"It's not like we're friends or anything," you say blatantly. Matthew is shocked by your words and takes a visible step back. He isn't sure why your words shocked him so much because he knows you're both not friends. He knows for a fact you're both not friends but hearing you actually say it after all these years is shocking to him.

"Right, not friends. You can leave then. You can take your cookies back."

"No, no, I made them for you. I know they're your favorite. Thanks, again, Matthew."

"Sure, sure," he says as you walk out the door. He locks the door behind you and is instantly confused why he hates that you're both not friends. He knows you’re not friends. Both his and your actions over the past years have proven it, but he thought — he actually doesn't know what he thought. As the season came to an end, Matthew had another task at hand — finding someone for you to take as a date even though he knows no one he knows is good enough for you.

. . .

Matthew was sitting at the bar with his teammates sizing them all up wondering which one would be good enough for you to have as a date. There was Noah; Matthew guesses he could be okay with you with him, but Matthew knows you could do better. There was Jacob, and Matthew knew he'd treat you well. Maybe he should ask Jacob if he'd join you as a date.

"Matthew, why do you keep staring at us?" Noah asks.

"I have someone I know who needs help finding a date for a wedding this summer," Matthew explains. "This person I know asked if I could set them up with someone I know and trust."

"Do you need a guy? If so, then go with Jacob. He'll treat your friend, right," Elias says.

"Yn's not my friend," Matthew is quick to say.

"Is she someone you’re more than friends with?" Noah asks with a smirk on his face.

"No, absolutely not," Matthew says as he vehemently shakes his head. "No, we've hated each other since we were like ten."

"Why are you helping her, then?"

Matthew just stares at Noah. Why was he helping you? You both weren’t friends, as you made abundantly clear the other day. Matthew didn’t know why he was helping you. You were a long-time family friend and by far one of the most amazing people he’s ever met. But, that didn’t answer the question as to why he was helping you. You were someone amazing, yet Matthew still can’t seem to pinpoint why he was helping you. Matthew knows that if he doesn’t help you Chantal would have his head. Maybe, just maybe, it was the small, no large, crush he’s harbored for you since you were both ten. Maybe, just maybe, he truly, deep down cared about who you dated if it couldn’t be him. “I’m not sure,” Matthew deflects knowing fully why he was helping you.

“Maybe you should strike her a deal,” Mark mentions. “You find her a date for the wedding, and she finds you a date for the End-of-Year Charity Gala.”

Matthew perks his head up towards his captain. He forgot about the Gala.

“Oh no, Matthew has a smirk on his face. What’s your idea?” Noah says suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Matthew says, not losing his smirk. He has one splendid idea that he is sure to solve both your dating issues.

. . .

Matthew: I have a date for you. He’ll come over tomorrow at 5 pm with flowers, okay?

Yn: Okay, sounds good! I can’t wait to meet him.

Matthew: You’ll love him.

Matthew knows you won’t. Based on what his plan was, he knew you wouldn’t like it. He only hoped you wouldn’t slap him across the face.

. . .

The day after Matthew texted you and said when your date would show up, you were nervous. Incredibly nervous. You hoped that, for once, Matthew wouldn’t be an ass and set you up with someone nice. You were pacing around your kitchen and 4:58 pm when the doorbell rang. You stood up straight and took a deep breath. You could do this. You weren’t going to actually date the guy; you were just going to ask him to accompany you to a wedding back home and that was it. You walked over to the door and took a deep breath before opening the door.

“Matthew?” you ask in disbelief as you lock eyes with Matthew’s striking blue eyes. You give him a once-over and notice he’s wearing a white shirt, a tight shirt that fits him way too well, and black dress pants. What was with the fancy wear? You meet his eyes again, and you’re met with his eyes full of love, happiness, and worry as they stare deep into your eyes. You’ve yet to ever see this mix of emotion in Matthew’s eyes when he looks at you, and it sends a shiver down your spine. You and Matthew continue staring deeply into each other’s eyes, both not wanting to break the trance you’ve found yourself in.

“Hey, Yn,” Matthew finally says, realizing who he was looking at. He hands you the bouquet of your favorite flowers. “These are for you.”

“Oh, um, come in,” you say and usher him inside. You hate him, Yn. Stop with these emotions, you keep telling yourself. Why did he suddenly have this effect on you? Matthew walks into your apartment, takes his shoes off, and sits on a chair at your counter. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m your date,” Matthew says nervously, but you still see the love lining his eyes as you speak. You haven’t seen that look directed to you in a while.

“No, absolutely not. We hate each other, remember? Why would I suddenly bring you as a date?”

“Look, before you go crazy, just listen to what I have to say, okay?” Matthew asks softly. You nod and turn away to put the flowers in a vase. You make sure your back is to Matthew because you don’t want him to see how flustered you are by his soft tone towards you.

After placing the flowers in a vase and placing it on the coffee table, you say, “Okay, Matthew, what do you have to say?”

“You know how at the end of the season, the Flames have an End-of-Year Charity Gala?” you shake your head no, and Matthew chuckles softly, and your faith grows warm. “Well, we have one, and I need to bring a date.”

“Okay?”

“So, what if we pretend to date? Like, you come with me to the gala, and I go with you to Shelly’s wedding,” Matthew proposes nervously.

“Why would you want that, Matthew? You hate me.”

“I don’t — I couldn’t ha— you know what? It doesn’t matter. Look, you need a date, and I need a date, so why don’t we just go together and solve both our problems?”

“Matthew, I don’t know.”

“Yn, come on. What’s stopping you?”

“You hate me, Matthew,” you tell him softly, not meeting Matthew’s eyes.

Matthew sighs. He could never hate you. He never really hated you; he just had to pretend to hate you because of how he felt. When Matthew was ten, he realized that he had a crush on you. He realized he like liked you, and he didn’t know what to do about it, so he just ignored you and was mean to you. Unfortunately, over the years, Matthew couldn’t let go of those feelings, and he fell more and more for you as he watched you grow into the beautiful person you are now. Seeing you walk into this apartment with the cookies the other day, Matthew realized that he was still hopelessly in love with you. At first, Matthew thought that he could find a date for you. He could find someone who was perfect for you because everyone knows that he could never be it for you, but, as he began going through his list of friends, he realized that even they weren’t good enough for you. Matthew knew you’d never feel the same way about him, but if Matthew can have you as a fake girlfriend, then that’s what he’ll have, then. “We both don’t want to find a date for our events, so why don’t we just pretend to date, then?”

You look at Matthew and see the sincerity in his eyes. You see the longing and want for you to say yes. You’ve always loved looking into Matthew’s eyes and seeing the emotion in them. You’ve never seen this kind of emotion directed towards you. You see the longing and sadness and wishing for you to say yes; however, you also see love? You couldn’t possibly be seeing that in his eyes. Could you? “Okay,” you whisper, suddenly being overwhelmed with what you saw laced in Matthew’s eyes and facial expressions.

“Okay?” Matthew asks, confirming because he was in disbelief.

“Yeah, okay. We can fake date.”

Matthew rushes over to you and wraps you in a giant hug. “Thank you,” he whispers as he holds you tightly.

“Of course, Matthew. You had a good idea that helped us both.”

Matthew leaves shortly after with a fake girlfriend and a wide smile on his face. He only hoped that he wouldn’t fall harder for you now that he’s finally somehow got you.

. . .

Matthew came over two weeks later, one day before the Flames’ last game, to sort out the terms of your and Matthew’s fake dating ruse. You weren’t sure why you agreed to this. No one back home would believe that you and Matthew were dating. You both have hated each other for as long as you can remember. Everyone would be shocked that you and Matthew can possibly stand to be in the same room together. The fact that you moved to the same city was also a giant shock to everyone. Not a single person would believe it, but why did your heart suddenly race when you thought of you and Matthew fake dating? Why did your pulse quicken at the thought of being on Matthew’s arm at the Gala? Why did you enjoy the cheeky messages Matthew has been sending you and telling you that he was trying to “fill the role perfectly”? Why did your heart hurt when you realized it was all fake?

“I brought some takeout, is that good?” Matthew asks as he steps into your apartment. In his hands, he has a bag of food from your favorite restaurant in Calgary and another bouquet. You take the bag of food and the flowers from his hand, and Matthew goes into your cupboards to find some plates. The domesticity of the situation made your heart lurch through your chest, but you still weren’t sure why.

“That’s perfect, thanks, Matthew,” you tell him with a smile as Matthew sets the plates down on the counter. You place the flowers in another vase and put them next to the flowers Matthew brought previously that were probably ready to be tossed. “You don’t have to buy me flowers every time you come by.”

“Firstly, it’s been like two times, and secondly, let me treat you, okay? I am your boyfriend, after all, so I might as treat you as you deserve to be treated,” Matthew tells you as if he was preaching fact. He talked to you as if he didn’t hate you your entire life and only just started liking you.

“Fake boyfriend,” you correct. You want to make sure that the parameters of your relationship are clearly defined.

“You tell that to Shelly? That you and I are fake dating?” Matthew asks with a smirk.

“I told her I had a date, and I was going to tell her it was you, but she told me to surprise her on her wedding day. I’m convinced she thinks I don’t have a date,” you tell Matthew and take a bite of food. You moan in delight, and Matthew grins knowing he picked the perfect meal for you. “How did you know this was my favorite?”

Matthew shrugs, but a playful smile is a dead giveaway that he has an explanation. “I guess I just know you really well.”

“That’s ridiculous, Matthew. You do not know me at all. I’ve changed since you stopped being my friend when we were ten.”

“Hey! I did not stop being your friend. You stopped being my friend,” Matthew feigns hurt even though he knows your words are right.

“Matthew, I stopped being your friend because you stopped being friends with me.”

“That’s not how I remember it,” Matthew mumbles and opting to look down at his plate instead of at you where he’d much rather be looking.

“You stopped being my friend after we graduated from elementary school. I remember that the third Sunday dinner we had that summer was the first time you stopped sitting next to me, and I knew that you were officially not my friend anymore.”

“You sure that’s what happened, Yn? Are you sure that it wasn’t you who stopped being my friend?”

“I always sat in the same middle seat, Matthew. You opted to sit in Brady’s seat instead.”

“Fine, whatever. Agree to disagree?”

“Sure, sure, even though I’m right.”

Matthew laughs at your words and shakes his head. “How we were ever friends baffles me because we are both so stubborn.”

“That we are,” you agree, and a comfortable silence fills your kitchen as you and Matthew continue to eat.

“You know,” Matthew says breaking the silence, “I do know you better than you think.”

“As do I,” you tell him not meeting his eye. You always were quite observant of Matthew despite you two not being friends anymore. There was something about him that made you want to look at him. No, it probably wasn’t because of how gorgeous he was.

“Okay, you tell me something about myself, then.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know, Yn; you just say something.”

“But I want you to tell me what you want me to say,” you tease.

“I’m starting to think you don’t know anything about me,” Matthew gives you his signature smirk.

“I’m starting to think the same about you.”

Matthew sighs and shakes his head. “How about we talk about our situation instead?”

“Our ruse?” you tease and quirk your eyebrows.

“Sure, our ruse,” Matthew says, not sure why you had that look on your face. “What is our story? We could just say we hooked up and realized that we liked each other.”

“As much as that story is believable, I don’t think that Shelly will believe that. Why don’t we go with something else? How about: I was lonely in the city and needed someone familiar, so I called you, and the rest just fell together.”

“I don’t think they’ll believe that,” Matthew says. As much as he loves and thinks it’s a good story, he’d very much rather have a bit more romantic and loving story, so Matthew can have the fake relationship he’d always wanted with you.

“Oh, come on, Matthew, it’s perfect!” you pout, and Matthew knows he’s going to bend for you because it’s you. He always bent to your will regardless of whether or not you knew it.

“Fine, we’ll use your story. How long have we been dating?”

“Why don’t we just keep it vague to minimize any questions? Should we say a few months now? Anything longer will be suspicious, and anything shorter would be weird. The most we can say is three to three and a half months because when I talked to Shelly about two months ago, she was under the impression I wasn’t seeing anyone.”

“Okay, fair. You know,” Matthew says with a smirk, “the fact that you’re able to throw together the perfect fake-dating story makes me think that you’ve done this before.”

You burst out laughing. “You seriously think that? I thought you knew me.”

“I do know you.”

“Then you’d know I’m a hopeless romantic, and the amount of times I’ve read fake dating romance novels is unbelievable. The only thing, though, is that our story won’t end up with us dating but with us maybe being friends.”

“Right,” Matthew says, and he looks down at his plate sadly realizing you truly didn’t feel the same way.

“I’m sorry, did I say anything wrong?” you apologize. You weren’t sure why Matthew suddenly got upset, but you thought it couldn’t have possibly been your words. How could it? You and Matthew have hated each other for years. It’d be ridiculous to think that this ruse would end in an actual relationship.

“No, not at all. Don’t worry,” Matthew sends you a soft smile, and your stomach does somersaults. “What about physical stuff?”

You glare at Matthew trying to figure out exactly what he was asking for in this fake relationship. “Explain because if you’re trying to sleep with me, it’s not happening.”

“No, Yn, of course not! That’s not what I meant!” Matthew replies shocked that you’d even bring up the notion. “No, I meant like holding hands, my arms wrapped around you, kissing and stuff like that. Things that couples do, you know?”

“Oh, yeah, um, I guess we could hold hands and touch each other to keep up the facade, but only in public.”

Matthew nods. “Only in public.”

You make moves to clear the table, but Matthew stops you and clears the table for you. “Sit, I’ll take care of it.”

“Matthew —” you begin.

“Nope, my fake girlfriend doesn’t need to clear her table, so sit down.”

“Maybe you should be my fake-boyfriend forever if you’re going to be clearing my table and stuff like this.”

“I mean if you’d like,” Matthew smirks and sends you a wink. He continues cleaning up by placing the dishes in the dishwasher and placing the leftovers in a Tupperware container and inside the fridge. You’re watching him concentrate on the task at hand, and suddenly, you’re drawn to his lips. You were drawn to the way he bit his lip in concentration and licked the bottom lip now and then. You watched the way he’d stop biting his lips and realize that you want to be the one to bite his lip. You wanted to kiss Matthew.

“Hey, um, Matthew?” you begin hesitantly.

“Mmm,” he replies looking up.

“Should we, um, kiss?” your eyes don’t meet Matthew’s, and you’re intent on staring at the tiles on the floor of your kitchen instead.

“I mean, sure, when we’re out in public. It’d be weird if we didn’t, right?”

“Right,” you nod knowingly and happy that Matthew didn’t realize the true meaning of your request. You look up and notice him watching you curiously. The sparkle in his eyes makes your face warm under his gaze, and you know that he’s figured out what you were truly thinking.

“Or,” he begins with a smirk, “we could practice now, so we know what to do when we kiss in front of people.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” you whisper, barely audible.

Matthew, being the pest he is, smirks at your words and asks you to repeat them. “I couldn’t hear you, baby. I need you to repeat it.”

“I think that we should practice kissing,” you say again, slightly louder, but Matthew’s shit-eating grin tells you that you’re going to have to repeat yourself.

“Come on, baby, I need to hear you loud and clear,” he walks over to you, and you shift in your seat to face him. You stand up, so you’re level with him (as much as you can be considering his height), and Matthew puts his hands on your waist. “This okay?” he asks, and you nod, but when he raises his eyebrows, you know you have to give him audible consent.

“Yes, Matthew, and I think that you should kiss me,” you tell him loud and clear. Matthew’s grin widens, and he dips his head towards yours. You put your hands around his neck, and he pulls you closer to him.

“This okay?” he asks with concern lacing his features. He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries with you.

“More than okay,” you reply and lean towards him. Matthew dips his head towards yours and places his lips softly on yours. He planned on pulling back and that being the end of the kiss, but his instincts and strong desire to kiss you stopped him. Matthew’s hands leave your waist and cup your face. He holds you forcefully but also gently. You both deepen the kiss, and your mouth separates as Matthew works his mouth against yours. Your tongue swipes against his bottom lip begging to meet his. Matthew puts his hands back on your waist and pulls you close and flush against his body. There’s no space between the two of you, not a single inch of air. You both pull away after the kiss crossed the line between what your relationship truly was. You both pull away but your heads are still close to each other. You’re looking into Matthew’s blue eyes that are laced with longing and desire. You watch Matthew’s eyes glance down to your lips as you long for his lips to be on yours again.

“We have the practice, now,” Matthew says in a deep voice, almost huskily.

“That we do,” you reply softly.

“I didn’t hurt you, right?”

“Absolutely not, Matthew. I would have slapped you if you stepped out of line,” you tell him, and Matthew’s deep chuckle sends the butterflies erupting in your stomach. You take a step back from Matthew and sit back in your chair. “Maybe if we kiss in front of people, it shouldn’t be that deep and passionate.”

“Yeah, maybe not,” Matthew tells you. He loved kissing you. Now that he’s kissed you, he doesn’t want to kiss anyone else. He wants to keep kissing you for as long as you would possibly let him. “Oh, that reminds me.”

“Mmhm?”

“I may or may not have let the cat slip out of the bag that I had a girlfriend, and now the team is expecting you to be at the last game tomorrow and our celebration.”

“Matthew!”

“I know, I know, I wasn’t supposed to. I didn’t mean to, it just slipped out!”

“How does it just slip out?”

“Some people asked if I had a date for the Gala, and I said I was bringing my girlfriend.”

“So, I have to go to the game tomorrow?”

“Please?” Matthew pouts. “I’ll owe you big time.”

“You already owe me big time,” you point out.

“Fine, just come to the game tomorrow? You don’t have to wear my jersey or anything, just come?”

“I’ll be there, and if you give me a jersey, I’ll wear it, okay? Or, I can just wear Brady’s.”

“No, never. Wait, why do you have Brady’s jersey and not mine?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Sure, I have to go, but I’ll see you tomorrow?” Matthew asks as he walks over to the door. You walk with him and unlock the door.

“See you tomorrow, fake boyfriend,” you tell him and place a kiss on his cheek.

“Tomorrow, fake girlfriend,” Matthew says and walks out the door. When the door is closed, he places his hands on his cheek where you kissed him. He touches his lips softly remembering how you kissed him just recently. Just remembering your mouth being anywhere near his face made him melt. Matthew was digging himself into a hole he only hoped he’d be able to escape from.

. . .

You walked up to the Friends & Family box still trying to recover from Matthew kissing you barely twenty-four hours prior. You didn’t have Matthew’s jersey to wear, so you opted for a red shirt with jeans and a leather jacket. You’ve also never met anyone on the team before, so you were scared as to what they would say.

You stepped into the box and were instantly overwhelmed with what you saw. All the other wives and girlfriends and children were mingling around, and you felt out of place. One of the WAGs walked over to you, and said, “You must be Yn, Matthew’s girlfriend.”

You nodded, “Yeah, that would be me.”

“I’m Annica, Elias’s girlfriend. Don’t worry about being nervous or whatever, Matthew is crazy about you, so we’re automatically crazy about you, too! Everyone, this is Yn, Matthew’s girlfriend.”

You stood there as everyone introduced themselves, and you maybe remembered two of those names.

“Matthew left you a jersey because he knew you didn’t have one,” Lauren, Mark’s wife, tells you. She hands you the jersey, and you look at it. Were you supposed to put it on? “You can just put it on over your shirt and leave your jacket on a chair.”

You nod. You put on the jersey and look down at the number on your sleeve. You smiled. You liked the way it looked on you.

Watching the game with the other girls was interesting and exciting. You chatted with the other women and played with the children. It was exhilarating to be in the Saddledome during a game, especially the last of the season. You haven’t been to a game in Calgary despite living there. Every time the Tkachuks came to town, you always told them you couldn’t go to the game. It didn’t feel right, but now that you’ve been to a game, you wanted to keep coming to the games. The Flames ended up coming out on top to celebrate their final game, and the arena was loud and bursting with happiness. You followed behind as everyone walked to outside the locker rooms to wait for the team. You stood awkwardly, not sure what to do. You played with your jacket in your hand just as Matthew walked out. He spotted you instantly, and his heart lurched through his chest as he saw you in his jersey. His eyes widened at seeing his number on your arm, and if possible, he fell more in love with you.

“Hey,” he says as he walks over. You look up and give him a wide smile.

“Hi,” you tell him and pull your fake boyfriend into a large hug as you whisper in his ear, “you played amazing.”

Your words send shivers down Matthew’s spine, and he holds you tightly. “Thank you.”

You both pull away and notice some of Matthew’s teammates and significant others greeting each other with congratulatory kisses. Were you both supposed to kiss? “Should we kiss, Matthew?” you whisper.

“What?” he whispers back, not sure if he heard you properly.

“You heard me, should we kiss? Everyone else is.”

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

“Would it be awkward if we didn’t?”

“I’m going to kiss you, okay?” Matthew doesn’t wait for your response as he hungrily leans down and kisses you. Despite kissing you yesterday, Matthew was waiting earnestly for the day he’d get to kiss you again. It wasn’t as passionate as the night before, but somehow, it was even more intimate despite being in public. You both full away flushed with the kiss, and Matthew’s teammates holler around you both. “Oh, shut up.”

Matthew leads you to his car and holds your hand. “Did you want to come to celebrate with us?” he leans down to whisper in your ear.

“I thought that was part of this,” you tell him.

“Yeah, but not everyone is going out, so if you don’t want to, we can just head to my place.”

“We can go to your place, then.”

“Okay,” Matthew says to you and opens the car door for you. He closes the door and heads towards the driver’s side. When he gets in, he asks, “How did you get here if I’m driving you home?”

“Oh, I walked because I don’t work too far from here,” you explain, and Matthew whips his heat towards you. “What?”

“You walked? Do you not have a car?” he asks as if the notion were beyond him.

“Yeah, it was like ten minutes.”

“If you didn’t have a ride or something, I would have sent someone to pick you up.”

“I walk to work, Matthew.”

“You walk? No, from now on, I will be driving you to work and wherever you need to be.”

You giggle to yourself softly. “I have a car, but I just walk to work because it’s only five minutes.”

“No, I refuse to let you walk to work.”

“Matthew,” you say gently and place your hand on his thigh. “I’m fine, I promise, okay?”

Matthew looks at the soft look in your eyes and the anger he has dissipated. “Okay, but if you ever need a ride somewhere, please just let me know, and I’ll drive you, okay?”

“Okay, but I do have a car, you know,” you tell him, and Matthew starts the car and heads towards his apartment. Why was Matthew so concerned and angry about the fact that you don’t drive to work? You ponder the thought and are so deep in trying to figure it out that you don’t realize that you’ve reached Matthew’s apartment until he tells you so.

“You okay?” Matthew asks as you’re standing in the elevator.

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?”

“Not sure, you seem kind of spaced out.”

“Oh, no, I’m okay.”

“Promise?” Matthew asks.

“Promise,” you reply with a smile.

You and Matthew walk into his apartment, and your breath is taken away by the view of Matthew’s apartment. You take your shoes off and just stand there staring. You drop your purse and bag on the floor and walk over to the window in a trance.

“Yn, you good?” Matthew asks, confused about your actions.

“It’s just so pretty, Matthew,” you say and reach for your phone in your back pocket and take a photo. Matthew can’t help but smile at your actions. Sure, the view was pretty to him, but he saw it each day, so it wasn’t as special to him. Watching you take in the view, though, gave Matthew a new insight into how pretty the view truly was. Maybe, just maybe, Matthew was staring at you, looking beautiful with the dim lighting of his living room and wearing his jersey, instead of the view, but it didn’t matter. It was beautiful, and if he was talking about you? Then, so be it!

“I’m just going to get changed real quick, okay?” Matthew asks. He didn’t want to leave you standing there alone, but he knows he won’t be comfortable in his suit. “I can stay if you want.”

You giggle to yourself. “I can take care of myself, you know.”

“Yeah, I know, but —”

“Go,” you push Matthew in the direction of his room. “I’ll be fine.” Matthew looks behind him once more to you; you give him a pointed look, and Matthew walks to his room to change.

You settle yourself on the couch and sit there staring at the TV stand. On it are sitting picture frames with photos of Matthew’s family and friends. One photo, in particular, stands out to you. You get up and walk to the photo and smile at it. You pick it up and stare at it. It was a photo of Brady, Taryn, Matthew, your brother, and you. You don’t remember the photo being taken but it was around when you were six or seven. You were sitting at the table in Tkachuk's backyard before dinner. Matthew was sitting on your right, as he should, and with Taryn on your left.

“Find anything interesting?” Matthew asks as he walks out. He walks over to you and rests an arm around your shoulder.

“I’m surprised you have a photo of me sitting here,” you tell him and look at him.

“Why?” Matthew furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“I just, I don’t know.”

Matthew walks over to the couch and sits. You place the photo back on the stand and join him. You sit next to him on your right, and Matthew, again, rests an arm around your shoulder. “I have photos of the important people in my life.”

Matthew turns on the TV and begins flipping through Netflix. He selects one of your favorite movies, and you’re surprised he knows it, but then again, Matthew seems to know more about you than you realized.

As the movie continues, you and Matthew move closer and closer together to the point where you’re cuddled into him and your head moves in sync with Matthew’s breathing. The warmth that Matthew’s body exudes and the pattern of his breaths put you to sleep. When Matthew notices you’ve fallen asleep, he doesn’t want to wake you, so he tightens his hold on you and grabs the blanket that was sitting over the couch (he silently thanks his mom for making him put it there), and he places it on you. He softly kisses your forehead with a soft, ”goodnight, Yn.”

. . .

The next morning, after you’ve woken up, eaten breakfast that Matthew made for you, and left for the day, Matthew was on his way to the Saddledome for the exit interviews of the season. It didn’t end the way the team wanted, but they fought tooth and nail until the last game, and they should be proud of that.

As Matthew walks into the locker room, he has a soft smile on his face of pure bliss.

“So, what did you and Yn do last night?” Noah teases when he sees his teammate. “You’re never one to turn down a night out.”

“I didn’t go out because Yn didn’t want to. I think she was overwhelmed with meeting everyone, and I just wanted her to be comfortable.”

“Wow, Matthew, look at you maturing for the better,” Mark teases. He was waiting for the day that Matthew would meet a girl and act this way for her.

“Whatever,” Matthew rolls his eyes.

“Matthew’s in looooove,” someone teases and everyone else laughs in response. Matthew, again, just rolls his eyes in response. He had no other response.

Matthew only wishes that the person he was in love with was him, too.

. . .

You’re standing outside Matthew’s apartment door with your dress in your hand with a bag of the things you needed to get ready over your shoulder. You took a deep breath. You weren’t sure why you were so nervous, but you were. You were about to ring the doorbell, but Matthew opened the door first.

“How did you know I was here?” you ask as you walk into his apartment.

“I mean, I had to buzz you into the building, so I was waiting for you,” Matthew says as if it were obvious.

“Oh.”

“You can shower first. I probably take less time than you to get ready, so you can shower first.”

You nod. “Okay, can I hang up my dress in your closet?”

“Yeah, of course. What color is it? I probably should have asked before, so that we could match.”

You smile. “It’s a lavender color. I doubt you own anything lavender.”

“My mom bought me a lavender dress shirt for Christmas, so, yes, I do own something lavender.”

You giggle to yourself softly and head into his bedroom to hand up your dress. You walk into his washroom and set your things there. “Thank you, Matthew.”

“No need to thank me,” he tells you. “I left you towels and stuff. Just let me know when I can shower, okay?”

You nod. You’re not sure why you’re suddenly at a loss for words. What was it with Matthew?

After you showered, Matthew told you that, if you were comfortable, you could use the washroom as he showered. You told him it was fine and began styling your hair just as Matthew was showering. You were halfway done when you heard Matthew turn off the water. You watch him from the corner of your eye as he grabs the towel from behind the shower curtain. You try to calm your breathing as you watch Matthew step out of the shower with the towel wrapped low on his hips and his broad shoulders and chest lined with water droplets. He stands next to you and begins to moisturize his face. You feel your face warm as you stand next to him.

Matthew walks out of the washroom, but he stops at the door and turns to you. “I’ll get ready in my bedroom, and you can get ready here. Just let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll let you change in the bedroom.”

“Thanks, Matthew.”

“Sure,” he says and takes one step out of the washroom before stopping again. “Hey, yn?”

“Yes?” you turn to him.

“Your hair looks really pretty.”

“I haven’t finished, yet,” you point out.

“Fine, but I know for a fact that you’re going to look so incredibly beautiful.”

. . .

You put on your shoes and look at yourself once more in the mirror. You observe the way you look and take a deep breath. You take your steps out of the bedroom, and Matthew stands when he hears the clack of your heels. Matthew takes a deep breath, getting ready to see how beautiful you will undoubtedly look.

“Hey,” you say and stand in front of Matthew. You smile, and your breath stops when you see Matthew. He’s wearing a lavender shirt that matches your dress with a black tie, jacket, and pants. His clothes fit him perfectly, and it displays his body just the way clothes should.

“Hey,” he replies, and his breath stops, too. You were beautiful. The lavender gown hung on your body perfectly, and it accentuated each and every curve of your body perfectly. The color brought out your eyes, and they shone in the light. The dim light of Matthew’s apartment reflected off the design and details of your dress that Matthew knew he was going to be speechless when the light of the ballroom truly lit you up. “You’re beautiful, Yn. Gorgeous, yn!”

“Thank you,” you say bashfully and walk over to your fake boyfriend. You place your hands on his chest and straighten his tie. “You look amazing, too, Matthew.”

Matthew’s breath is shallow as you run your hands on his chest. His heart is beating through his chest, and he knows that he’s going to have to use all his energy and brainpower not to stare at you the entire night. You stop and rest your hands on his chest. “Ready to go?” you ask.

Matthew audibly swallows at your touch. “Yeah,” he says in a low voice. He takes your hand and leads you towards the door. “Did you want to put your stuff in your car and drive home, or do you want to just stay the night and drive home in the morning?”

“Can I stay the night?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Matthew won’t admit it, but he wanted you to stay the night.

As Matthew drives to the location of the Gala, he continues taking peeks at you. He isn’t sure what he’s done to get someone as beautiful as you as his date, but he’s thanking any and every higher being for blessing him with you.

Throughout the entire night, Matthew has to force himself to leave you for moments every now and then to do his job. It was difficult. He wanted to be right by your side and show the world how lucky he got to be right next to you. You were the star, and Matthew was one of your many admirers. When Matthew wasn’t talking to donors and was right next to you, he found it difficult to speak. When you’d ask a question or make a comment, Matthew would take a few seconds to reply because of you. Your laughter, your smile, and your perfume were intoxicating, and Matthew wasn’t sure how he would make it through the rest of the night.

Annica wanted to grab another drink from the bar, so you went with her. Matthew, reluctantly, removed his hand from the small of your back and watched you lovingly as you went off with Annica. When he lost sight of you, Matthew finally turned his attention back to the group at the table.

“Yeah, you’re definitely not whipped for her and in love with her,” Elias says.

“Matthew not in love, who?” Noah jokes.

“Oh, shut up,” Matthew says. It didn’t matter if he was in love with you because you weren’t in love with him.

“Look, the minute Yn comes back, Matthew is going to put a hand on her, either on her shoulder or on her back, smile down at her, and pull her close to him. I guarantee it,” Jacob says. He was watching the two of you interact the entire night, and he knows that this will happen as it happened every time you and Matthew got separated.

“I see your point, and I raise you with this: he’s going to lean down and kiss Yn on the forehead,” Johnny adds.

“I see both your points, and I raise you with this: Matthew’s going to look at Yn, and she’s going to look at him, and they will both smile widely at each other,” Elias points out.

“Are you guys betting again?” Mark asks as he settles himself at the table as he’s making his rounds.

“Kind of. We’re trying to figure out how Yn and Matthew are going to act when she returns,” Noah explains.

“Oh, drop the subject,” Matthew says, annoyed.

“I’m not sure what has been said, but I guess that Matthew will be so enthralled by his date that everything in the world will fade away,” Mark says, “because that’s what a person in love does.”

“Look, I’m not in love with Yn, okay? Can we just drop the subject before Yn and Annica return?” Matthew replies exasperatedly.

Everyone agrees, but they all know that they will be monitoring your and Matthew’s actions when you return. Just a few moments later, you and Annica are returning to the table with a refill of drinks. You settle in next to Matthew and place a glass of wine down for you and a glass of beer for him.

“You were empty, so I got you a refill,” you tell him.

“Thank you,” he says to you and places a hand on the small of your back where it was before you left. You lean in further to him, and Matthew smiles down at you as you engage in conversation with Mark. Matthew places a soft kiss on your forehead, and you look up and smile at Matthew who smiles back at you. Elias mentions Matthew’s name, but Matthew is too soaked up in your presence to notice. The group is shocked. Every single one of them guessed correctly what Matthew would do when you returned.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me,” Mark begins, “I’m going to go ask the Mrs. for a dance.”

Elias and Annica leave, too, and head to the dance floor. You stand there awkwardly wondering if you and Matthew should dance. Matthew leans his head towards yours and whispers, “Do you want to dance, Yn?”

You look at Matthew and nod with a smile. Matthew takes your hand and leads you to the dance floor. He takes one hand in his and the other rests on the bare skin of your upper back. You place your other hand not in Matthew’s on his shoulder and move close to him. You both sway to the music that’s playing. As you both continue to dance, Matthew’s hand draws soft patterns on your skin sending electric shocks through your body. As the song comes to an end, the bubble you and Matthew found yourself in slowly pops, and you return to reality. It didn’t matter how special dancing with each other was, you were both not truly dating. You were living a lie, and you knew it would hurt when, one day, the ruse was over. You only hoped that you could salvage your feelings and not hurt your heart too much. You weren’t sure, though, what you were trying to save your heart from.

. . .

“Ready to head home?” Matthew whispers into your ear as you’re talking with some of the WAGs. You nod and say goodbye to the ladies. Matthew wraps his suit jacket around your shoulders as he notices you’re cold and takes your hand in his. “Thank you for being my date.”

You smile. “Thank you for taking me. I had a lot of fun.”

“I had a lot of fun with the beautiful person as my date.”

“Oh, beautiful person? Who may they be?” you tease.

“They’re you, of course. The most beautiful of people.”

“You flatter me, Matthew.”

“You deserve all the compliments in the world, Yn,” Matthew squeezes your hand and opens the car door for you. You smile in gratitude as he closes the door and heads to the driver's side. You smile in happiness at the evening you had. Matthew intertwines his hand with yours as he drives. With the late hour and the comfort of Matthew’s hand, you feel your eyes drift closed. You didn’t mean to fall asleep, but you did.

“Yn? You have to wake up; we’re back at my apartment, now,” Matthew says softly as he strokes your face softly to wake you.

You slowly open your eyes, and your lips quirk up at the sound of Matthew’s soft voice. You nod and move to get out of the car.

“No, no, I’ll get the door for you,” Matthew interrupts. You’re too tired to argue, so you just let Matthew rush out of the car to open the door for you. Matthew leads you back to his apartment and ushers you into his bedroom. “You can sleep here, and I’ll take the guest room.”

“No, Matthew, I’ll take the guest room,” you interject.

“No, Yn. You did me the biggest favor by coming as my date tonight, so you can take my bed.”

“Matthew —” you were going to point out that you were taking him to Shelly’s wedding, but he wasn’t going to change his mind.

“Yn, just take the bed, okay? You can grab a shirt and sweatpants to wear to bed.”

You nod, and Matthew walks out of the room with clothes for himself. He closes the door quietly behind him as he heads to the guest room. His one wish was that he was sleeping in that bed with you instead of you there alone.

. . .

“Yn, come on, we have to go,” Matthew says, standing in your kitchen and waiting for you to be ready to leave.

“Just give me a moment. We’ve got quite a bit of time, still.”

“You know, you’re the one who told me I had to be here at exactly this time, Yn, so you should be ready to go.”

You walk out of your bedroom lugging your suitcase and purse. Matthew rushes over to you and takes your suitcase out of your hand. In the process, Matthew’s hand brushes over yours, and you hear your heartbeat in your ears as the heat rushes to your face. “Let me just make sure that all the windows are closed and that I unplugged everything.”

When you return and are completely ready to go, you lock the door to your apartment and head to Matthew’s car. He opens the trunk to place your suitcase in, and as usual, Matthew opens the car door for you.

“You know, you don’t have to always open the car door for me, right?” you tell him.

“Just doing what any boyfriend would,” Matthew points out. “Fake or not.”

“Right,” you say. It’s been a while since you or he pointed out the fakeness of your relationship, and you almost forgot. Almost. Matthew turns to you and opens his mouth to say something, but he isn’t sure how to put his thoughts into words. How is he supposed to ask if you’re upset that he pointed out that you were both fake dating despite that being the obvious title between you two? You reach to turn on some music to try to ease the awkwardness in the car. You put on Taylor Swift, and Matthew groans in response.

“You know the way Taryn and I were growing up; I can’t believe you’re shocked.”

“I thought you’d show me some mercy, you know as your boyfriend?”

“I show zero mercy.”

. . .

Going through checking in and security was a breeze. You got on the plane fine just, but the nerves immediately hit as the pilot announced that the doors were closing. Your leg begins to bounce up and down, and you begin to fiddle with your fingers. Matthew glances down at you and notices your nerves.

“You’ve been on a plane before, right?” he whispers.

You nod. “Just scary sometimes.”

He nods and places his hand on your thigh causing it to stop bouncing. You feel all your nerves suddenly dissipate. “I’m here, okay? Don’t worry.”

“Okay,” you whisper back. Matthew lifts the armrest between you both and scoots closer to you. He pulls you into his side, so you’re leaning against him. You rest your head on his shoulder, and Matthew takes your hand in his.

“It’s not a long flight. You’ll be okay.”

. . .

“Hey, you have to wake up,” Matthew whispers as he strokes your head softly. Your eyes flutter open. You didn’t realize you fell asleep on Matthew during the flight. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah,” you yawn.

Matthew smiles softly at you. “You slept through the flight, so that’s good.”

“Oh, we landed?”

He chuckles. “Yeah, let’s get off this plane, what do you say?”

You grab your purse from under the seat in front of you, and Matthew grabs his carry-on from the overhead bin. He packed significantly more than you because he wasn’t flying home with you. Matthew would be staying in St. Louis until he flies back to Calgary for training camp.

Matthew extends his hand for you, and you take it. He walks into the aisle first with one hand holding his bag and the other behind him holding your hand. You both exit the plane and head towards customs and baggage claims.

You take a deep breath once you’re in line for customs. You knew this day would come, but you didn’t realize the nerves that would come with it. Would you be able to survive this week with Matthew?

. . .

“You go in first and get us settled; I’ll pay for the taxi,” you tell Matthew when your taxi pulls up to the hotel.

“Nope, you go in; I pay,” Matthew counters.

“Matthew —”

“I am your boyfriend, no? Just let me do this.”

“Okay,” you relent softly and head into the hotel with your luggage in tow. You head to the check-in desk. There isn’t a line, and you get your room information and key quickly. You meet Matthew at where he’s standing and lead him towards the elevator door. You both wait for the elevator in silence and walk inside in the same silence. You lead him towards your eighth-floor room and walk inside. “I made sure to request two beds, so we don’t have to share.”

“Smart,” Matthew says. You unlock the door and walk inside. You groan when you see the layout of the room and what it contains — one bed.

“Oh,” you mumble. “Only one bed.”

“What? Oh,” Matthew says as he stands next to you.

“Let me call down and see if they have another room for us.”

Matthew nods. He was frozen solid at the thought of sleeping next to you. He watches as you walk over to the phone and call down to the front desk. You tell them your issue, and Matthew watches as you furrow your eyebrows in frustration. You end the call with a “thank you, it’s no problem” and look to Matthew.

“What’s the verdict?” Matthew asks.

“They have three wedding parties staying here and no extra room with two beds for us.”

“I can sleep on the floor,” Matthew suggests.

You shake your head. “We’re both adults. I’m sure we can sleep in the same bed without any issues arising.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Matthew breathes out. His throat is dry and the words are barely forming on his tongue. You nod towards Matthew and begin unpacking. You hang up your dresses in the closet and line your shoes against the wall.

“Make sure you hang up your suit, so it doesn’t get wrinkly,” you remind Matthew as you head to the washroom to unpack your toiletries. Matthew nods and does what you say. He isn’t sure why he’s suddenly so nervous and clammy, but he figures it’s because you are both going to be sleeping in the same bed. You both move in sync with each other as you settle into the hotel room. Once Matthew has finished, he settles on the couch and turns the TV on. You awkwardly get on the couch, and Matthew chuckles at you.

It would be a restful night, right?

. . .

After meeting with the rest of the bridal party and making sure everything was perfect for the rehearsal the next day and the wedding the day after, you head into your hotel room and see Matthew sitting on the bed.

“Hey,” you say as you get ready to shower.

“How were your preparations?” he asks.

“Not bad. I’m tired, but it’s all worth it if Shelly gets the wedding of her dreams.”

Matthew nods.

“I’m going to take a shower and then go to bed; if that’s okay?”

“That’s perfectly fine,” Matthew replies as you head to the washroom to shower. While in the shower, you did everything in your power to prolong your time there because you knew that when you finished, you’d be going to sleep. You’d be going to be sleeping in the same bed as Matthew.

Once you’ve showered and gotten ready for the night, you walk out of the washroom and see Matthew standing next to the bed.

“I pulled out the blankets and stuff when I heard the tap turn off,” Matthew bashfully tells you when you notice the bed. “I figured you’re tired and stuff, so I was trying to help.”

You smile softly at the man. “Thank you, Matthew.”

He nods at your words. “What do we do now? Should we call down for more pillows and make, like, a pillow wall?”

“Um, I don’t think we have to do that. It’s big enough where we probably won’t get in each other’s way.”

“Yeah, probably,” Matthew lies. He isn’t sure if now is the right time to mention he’s an active sleeper and moves around a lot. “You can get in first.”

“Okay,” you say and move towards the bed. You get under the covers and sigh at the comfort of the bed. You lay on your back, a position that isn’t the most comfortable for you. When you’re done, Matthew gets under the covers, and he, too, lays on his back. You don’t think it’s the most comfortable for him, either. You lean over to turn the lights off, so the entire room is cascaded in darkness. “Good night, Matthew.”

“Night, Yn.”

You both lay there in awkward silence and stare up at the ceiling. What were you supposed to do? Were you supposed to talk to each other until the other fell asleep? Was it okay to face each other as you slept? What happened if you woke up in a compromising position? Would your friendship (was this a friendship?) be awkward? What would the morning be like? How awkward would it be? Should you be thinking about the fact that Matthew wasn’t wearing a shirt next to you? No, you shouldn’t be, but here you are thinking about Matthew’s bare chest.

You took a deep breath and hoped for sleep to easily overcome you.

Thankfully, it did. You fell asleep, and when your alarm went off, you were surprised you slept through the night. It was one of the best nights of sleep of your life. The pillows and blankets exuded this comfort and warmth that cocooned you and made it easy to fall asleep. When you opened your eyes, you were shocked by the sight in front of you. You blinked your eyes to make sure you weren’t still dreaming. Nope, you definitely weren’t dreaming.

Matthew Tkachuk, your fake boyfriend and boy who has hated you since you were ten, was cuddling you into his chest. Not only that, his arms were wound tightly around your waist with your forehead comfortably on his chest. Both of your legs were intertwined with each other, and your arms were grasping his waist. No wonder you slept so well.

“Oh, good morning,” Matthew says quietly. You look up at him and notice that it looks like he’s been up for a little bit.

“How long have you been awake?” you ask.

“Wow, no good morning? I’m hurt,” Matthew pouts.

“Good morning, Matthew; how long have you been awake?”

“About half an hour?”

“And you didn’t wake me knowing we were sleeping like this?” you say annoyed and slowly pull away. Once you’re fully out of his grasp, you wish you remained in his grasp. Matthew’s body exuded this comfort and warmth that made you happy and comfortable. You wished you could return to Matthew’s hold and embrace without it seeming weird.

“You were very comfortable, it looked like, and you seemed to be sleeping peacefully, and I figured you’d be more upset if I woke you, so I didn’t. Are you upset that I didn’t wake you?”

You ponder over his last question for a moment. No, you weren’t upset that he woke you. “No, it’s okay. I just slightly overreacted.”

“No need to apologize. You reacted just fine.”

You nod. “I have to get ready for wedding stuff, but we can go down to get breakfast together.”

“Yes, whatever you say,” Matthew replies and watches you get out of bed and towards your suitcase and washroom. Matthew wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was up for hours. He got up hours before because he was warm and needed to turn the AC up higher, but when he realized the situation you were both in, Matthew refused to get up. When else would Matthew be able to hold the person he’s been in love with his entire life who doesn’t love him back?

. . .

“You have the rehearsal tonight, right?” Matthew asks from outside the washroom as you’re doing your makeup. He walks over to the dresser and begins looking at the jewelry you’ve laid across it.

“Yeah, sorry that I can’t bring you. It’s a small thing with just Shelly’s family and bridal party. That means, though, that our big fake dating debut will be tomorrow at the reception,” you say from the washroom. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m having dinner with my parents at a restaurant around the corner. I know you said that you have a ride to and from where you have to be, but if you need a ride, just call me, okay?”

You smile to yourself from the washroom where Matthew can’t see you. There was something about his concern that made you smile like crazy. “Okay, Matthew. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me,” he begins. “I am your boyfriend after all.” He mutters under his breath the word “fake” with a scowl. He hated being just your fake boyfriend.

You begin to pack your things back into your toiletries bag so as not to leave a mess, and you walk out of the washroom. “How do I look?” you ask when you’re in full view of Matthew. He immediately looks up from where he was staring at your necklace, and his jaw drops.

“Wow, you — I, wow! You’re gorgeous, Yn,” Matthew says with wonder and awe in his eyes. You take your hands and place them on the hem of your skirt and look down. Matthew walks over to you and takes one of your hands and twirls you. You giggle in response, and Matthew catches you with his hands on your waist. “You’re beautiful, Yn.”

“Thank you,” you whisper. Matthew places a soft kiss on your forehead and takes a step back to admire you.

“I get to be your date tomorrow? Aren’t I the luckiest guy on the planet?”

You giggle again and make your way to the dresser to put on the necklace sitting there. It’s a matching necklace you and Shelly both bought at the age of 18. “Can you help me put it on?”

Matthew’s Adam’s apple bobs in his throat as he soaks you in and your request. He nods and takes the necklace gently from you. You turn around, so your back is to him, and Matthew places the necklace around your neck. He fiddles with the clasp and whispers a soft “there you go” when he’s finished. You turn around and look into his eyes.

“Thank you, Matthew,” you say nervously but hide it with a smile. You’re not sure why you’re nervous, but you suddenly are. Maybe it was the intimacy of the act Matthew just performed for you. “Have fun with your family tonight.”

“Have fun at the rehearsal! Text me when you’re on your way back, okay?”

“Okay,” you reply as you slip on your shoes and make your way towards the door. “Night, Matthew.”

You walk out the door before Matthew could respond. “Night,” he says even though it’s pointless. In his head, Matthew is replaying the vision of you walking out in your blush pink dress and how beautiful you looked. Matthew knows that whoever gets to be the one to call you their girlfriend will be the luckiest person in the world. He only wishes he were the one.

. . .

Matthew walks into the restaurant his family picked, still reeling from how beautiful you looked. It was at that moment when Matthew saw you when he realized he was truly gone. Matthew has dug himself into a hole that he knows he’s never going to get out of. Now that Matthew has experienced you as a date, in his arms in his apartment, at one of his games, kissing you, and sleeping next to you, Matthew knows that no one else will compare to you. He knows that when this ruse is over, he will be heartbroken beyond repair. Is he choosing to do something about it? Nope, not at all because to him, if he can have even a little bit of you, even if it’s under the guise of being fake, then he’ll take it.

He sits at the table his parents and siblings were already at and greets them. It’s not even two seconds after he sits before they all corner him about dating you.

“So, you and Yn, huh?” Brady smirks.

“Don’t start, please,” Matthew warns.

“I’ll start, then,” Taryn prompts. “I can’t believe you finally got Yn to date you after you’ve harbored a crush on her for all these years and hated her.”

“Can we not?” Matthew asks.

“Nope, not happening, we are going to question you about every single detail. Who knows, maybe you two will be the next ones to get married.”

“Okay, Taryn, take a step back,” Keith chuckles.

“I think you should take a step forward,” Brady prompts. “Considering how head over heels Matthew has been, Taryn’s right.”

Matthew just rolls his eyes and sighs. “Can we just order and have a normal meal, please?”

“This conversation isn’t over yet,” Taryn warns, and Matthew just rolls his eyes.

After deciding what to eat and ordering, Taryn was true to her word and began to question Matthew about his dating life. “How did it start? What was your first date like? Did Yn slap you when you first asked her out? I need details, Matthew!”

“Did you ever consider that Yn and I want privacy about our relationship?” Matthew snaps.

“Right, but this is the weirdest pairing ever, so I feel like I should get something out of you,” Taryn defends herself.

“There isn’t much to say. A few months back, Yn called me saying she needed a familiar face because she was homesick, so we met up. We realized that we liked each other and here we are.”

Chantal gives her son a curious look. That was the exact statement and explanation that you gave her when she called you a few weeks after she found out about you and Matthew. Either that was the reality of the situation or you both practiced this many times. Chantal thinks it’s probably the latter because she knows her son. She knows that if you and Matthew were for real, then he’d be telling everyone how much he liked you.

“That’s it? I thought there’d be more! Something more romantic or something,” Taryn pouts, and Matthew just shrugs. He wishes he could have made a more romantic story for how you both started dating because that’s what you deserve, but you wouldn’t have any of it.

“I agree with Taryn,” Brady adds. “Yn, as we know, is a hopeless romantic. I’m surprised you haven’t stepped up your game to match Yn’s romantic side.”

“Look, maybe we do have a romantic relationship, but we just want to keep it private,” Matthew growls.

“Alright, let’s just let the topic go,” Chantal interjects and inserts an out for Matthew. “Will you be sitting with us tomorrow?”

“During the ceremony, probably because Yn is part of the procession and all that. I’m not sure during the reception, though, because I think it’s open seating.”

“Okay, that’s understandable,” Chantal says just as their meals arrive. Matthew lets out a sigh of relief. He was able to keep the story about your ruse straight and evade any questions that could poke holes into the story. He could only wish that what was happening between you two was real.

. . .

Just as Matthew was getting interrogated by his family, your brother and Shelly were on their way to interrogate you. It was after the rehearsal, and everyone in attendance was at the restaurant catching up. Your brother walks over to you and whispers that Shelly wants to talk to you. Being the maid of honor, you figured that she needed help with last-minute wedding preparations. You weren’t expecting an ambush.

Your brother leads you to where Shelly’s sitting, and you expect him to leave. However, when he sits right next to you with Shelly across from you, you know that you’re getting interrogated.

“Don’t you have to go be with your pregnant wife?” you ask your brother pointedly hoping to get out of the conversation.

“No, she wants this information as much as I do,” he retorts.

“You and Tkachuk?” Shelly shrieks. Some of the other guests turn to the commotion but turn away when they see it’s only the bride getting excited about something. “I always knew he had the hots for you, but I wasn’t sure if he’d ever do anything about it. Wow, I’m impressed it didn’t take more time for it to happen.”

“What are you talking about?” Matthew never had the hots for you. This situation was purely platonic and aiding each other's social calendars.

“Oh, come on,” Shelly rolls her eyes. “You have to have known that Matthew was crazy in love with you in high school.”

“And that explains his treatment of me?”

“It’s what insecure guys do when they crush on someone who is way out of their league,” your brother explains. “For what it’s worth, you are way out of Matthew’s league, and the only reason that I haven’t confronted him is that I know him. But still, Matthew? Why him?”

“How did it start? Is he a good kisser? Does he make you smile like crazy? Is he the super romantic boyfriend that you’ve always wanted? Is he good in bed?” Shelby begins but is stopped by your brother making a disgusted look. He definitely didn’t want to think about you and Matthew sleeping together. “Sorry, I forgot you were here.”

“It’s alright,” he grumbles, and Shelly throws you a wink knowing that she’d ask you about this later.

“The other questions are still valid, though.”

“It started because I was homesick. I realized that I missed home and needed a familiar face, so I called Matthew. From there, we realized that there was something there between us,” you explain hoping that your brother and Shelly would accept the story.

“More like you finally realized it,” Shelly corrects. You were about to contradict her words, but wouldn’t that break the facade you and Matthew have built? “What about the rest of the stuff?”

You shrug.

“That’s it? There’s nothing else you can say about it?”

“I like keeping my relationship private,” you say softly hoping it came across as confident despite the guilt you felt lying to your brother and best friend.

“Sure, and did this happen before you and I talked about bringing a date to the wedding?” Shelly questions further. She knows that if you liked someone and were crazy about them, then you’d be talking about this person constantly. She isn’t buying the story.

“We started talking before, but we made our relationship official shortly after your call,” you lie, again. You make a mental note to tell Matthew this so that when Shelly did interrogate him, he’d have that information.

“But you insisted you didn’t have anyone to bring as a date,” Shelly points out.

“You also called me if any of my friends would want to bring you,” your brother points out smugly. You glare at him and kick him under the table.

“I wasn’t sure if bringing Matthew would be like cheating because I knew he was invited to the wedding,” you quickly retorted. Would that be enough to have them lay off you?

“Sure, sure,” Shelly begins. “Look, if your relationship is of convenience, you know, for pleasure, you can say that.”

What? “What?” you and your brother speak at the same time. She wasn’t interrogating you because she thought you and Matthew were faking. She thought you and Matthew had a friends-with-benefits relationship! Somehow, that calms your nerves and helps you relax.

“Oh, so it’s a real relationship,” Shelly says with a grin. “I was wrong?”

“Yes, it’s a real relationship,” you laugh.

“I mean, if it were a pleasure-seeking based relationship, then I’d also be okay with that because you do need to make yourself happy,” Shelly winks.

“Okay, I’m done here,” your brother immediately gets up and walks over to his wife. You and Shelly both giggle.

“Are you happy?” she asks.

You nod. “Yeah, I’m happy.”

“That’s good. I have to get back to bride duties. I know that I was shocked when you told me you were dating Tkachuk earlier and didn’t react the way you wanted me to, but I only did it because I don’t want you to get hurt. He treated you like crap when you were in high school, and I don’t want him to go back to that version of himself. You seem happy, though, so ignore me.”

Shelly kisses your forehead and finds her fiance. You knew you weren’t going to get hurt because what you were both doing was merely for show. You both weren’t actually dating, so there were no feelings to be hurt, but one thing stuck out to you. Matthew liked you in high school? You weren’t sure why that unsettled you so much, but it did. Why would he have treated you like crap if he liked you? Would you and Matthew hurt each other? What happens when you both end this ruse? You know you’ll miss the way Matthew could always put a smile on your face and bring out giggle after giggle from you. You’d miss the way his smile or hand in yours would make your heart burst and make you warm inside and out. Were you on the path to getting hurt?

. . .

As Keith and Brady are arguing about the bill, Matthew and Chantal step outside to wait for them, and Taryn is in the washroom.

“So, you and Yn?” Chantal begins.

“Mom,” Matthew groans.

“I find it funny that the story that you told tonight to us is exactly what Yn told me a few weeks ago.”

“It’s what happened, so it makes sense that Yn told you the same thing,” Matthew lies.

“Yeah, but it was the exact same story, Matthew.”

Matthew looks at his mother, and he knows that she’s read through fabrication. “We both needed dates for things, so we thought we’d pretend to date to make it easier on both of us,” Matthew mumbles.

Chantal looks at her son and sees the forlorn expression on his face. “But you like her.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her, mom,” Matthew says sadly as if he finally realized the hopelessness of the situation.

“Why don’t you just tell her?”

“Because, mom, it’s like Taryn was saying earlier and why it shocks you so much. I treated Yn like crap when we were growing up, and I’m pretty sure she hates me.”

“But you love her.”

“I never hated her; I just didn’t know what to do with my feelings. I’m screwed, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know,” Chantal admits. Her heart breaks as she watches her son run his hands through his hair sadly as he admits to feelings. “I haven’t seen you both around each other, but who knows, maybe Yn does feel the same way.”

“No, I know for a fact she doesn’t. It’s okay, at least I have this,” Matthew says. Keith and Brady walk out of the restaurant at that moment with Taryn close on their heels. Keith slaps Matthew’s back and asks what Matthew was talking about. Matthew shrugs it off with a curt “nothing.” Matthew didn’t want the rest of his family to know about the reality of his dating life. He also knows that you’d rather not let that information come out.

“On Sunday, you and Yn should come over for dinner,” Chantal suggests. “Like tradition.”

“I’ll ask Yn,” Matthew answers.

“It’s not a request, Matthew,” Chantal says and walks with her husband. Well, then you and Matthew are going to dinner at the Tkachuk’s on Sunday.

. . .

The next morning after the rehearsal, you had to force yourself to pull yourself out of Matthew’s embrace. You’ve both woken up in the same entanglement as the morning before, but this time, you liked it. You enjoyed the warmth and comfort his hold produced. You groan as you get out of bed and walk to the washroom in the cold away from Matthew. You had to be up early to get things ready for the makeup artist, hairdresser, and photographer. You briefly washed your face and brushed your teeth before throwing on a pair of leggings and your “I Do Crew” t-shirt that was made for you. You grab your dress, shoes, and jewelry before heading over closer to the bed to grab your phone and purse. You place everything down and kiss Matthew on the forehead. You smiled at how peaceful and cute he looked as he was still sleeping.

If only it were real.

. . .

When Matthew’s alarm went off a few hours later, he moved closer to your pillow hoping to hold you for a little bit longer. When his head hits your cold pillow, Matthew’s chipper mood deflates when he realizes you’re not gone. He knows that you had to leave early for wedding preparations, but it still hurts knowing that you weren’t there to wake up next to him. In the past few days, Matthew has gotten used to waking up next to you. He isn’t sure what he’s going to do when you both return to your normal lives and he can no longer wake up next to you.

. . .

“Well, you look nice, Matthew,” Chantal says as Matthew sits in the row next to his family. Matthew straightens his tie. His leg is bouncing up and down in nervousness. Chantal observes her son from the corner of her eye and smiles at his actions.

“Have you seen Yn yet today?” Chantal leans over and asks. Matthew shakes his head no; he was nervous to see you. Matthew got a glimpse of your bridesmaid’s dress, and he knows you’re going to be just as beautiful, if not more, than the night of the rehearsal.

Matthew and his family continue to chat quietly, and everyone in the crowd abruptly ends their conversations as Shelly’s groom heads to the front of the aisle. In a matter of seconds, the orchestra begins to play the “Wedding March”, and everyone turns their heads to the aisle awaiting the procession. The groomsmen process down the aisle and take their places. Following the groomsmen are the bridesmaids. As each woman processes down the aisle and takes their places, Matthew is confused when he doesn’t see you among them. Matthew assumes, though, that because you’re the maid of honor, you have something special to do.

Matthew’s suspicions are confirmed when you walk down the aisle in your blush, floor-length, off-the-shoulder dress with your right hand holding the hand of the flower girl and your left hand holding a bouquet. As you walk down the aisle, Matthew is entranced by you. He stops breathing and blinking as he watches you. He watches as you lead the flower girl to her place and stand behind her. When everyone’s attention is turned to Shelly and her father walking down the aisle, Matthew’s attention is focused on you. He knew you were beautiful, but you were beautiful. There isn’t any difference between the two words, Matthew knows, but the latter word somehow means more. Matthew keeps telling himself it’s the dress, but he knows it’s not just the dress. It’s the person wearing the dress. It’s the way your face glowed from happiness at the new couple and the makeup you had on. It was the way your hair flowed impeccably in the breeze. It’s the way you looked amazing in that dress that had Matthew frozen. You were the most beautiful person Matthew has ever seen, and he didn’t want to look away.

When you catch Matthew’s eye, he swears he died and came back to life. You smile softly at him, but he doesn’t do anything. He just stands there staring at you as the officiant continues to talk. Chantal notices you trying to stifle a giggle and turns to her son to see if he had anything to do with it. When she sees Matthew just staring at you, she elbows him.

“Smile at her,” Chantal directs. That, it seemed, was what finally took Matthew out of his trance. He blinks and takes a deep breath right before sending you his signature smile. You shake your head playfully when you notice that Chantal had to remind him to smile and pay attention. You turn your attention back to the ceremony happening right in front of you as the officiant directs everyone to sit. You also try to ignore the hole it feels like Matthew (and the rest of the Tkachuks) were burning into the back of your head.

Because you were the maid of honor, you were one of the official witnesses and had to stand behind the bride. Through it all, Matthew was watching you. He was captivated by you, enamored by you. You met his eye a few times and had to force yourself not to laugh as a blush overcame his face and he turned away. Taryn, thinking that the next wedding she’d be attending was between you and Matthew, was watching the interactions between you two. The first time she watched you looked constipated as you tried to hide a giggle, she knew Matthew was the reason. After the second time, Taryn made sure to keep an eye on Matthew, too, so he could watch his reaction. Normally, in relationships, Matthew was confident, cocky, and full of himself. He was always the one to make the person he was dating speechless, shy, and look away bashfully. This time, though, you were the one in control, overtaking Matthew’s usual position. This time, Matthew was the one who was smiling bashfully and looking away whenever you’d meet his eye.

Taryn noticed that you stopped turning your attention to Matthew when the vows began to focus on the bride and groom. That doesn’t mean, though, that Matthew was paying attention to the happy couple. He was still watching you.

“Hey, Matthew,” Taryn leans over her mother and whispers.

That seems to take Matthew out of his trance as he rolls his eyes at his sister's words. “What?”

“Stop staring at your girlfriend. You’re trying to get her to marry you, not run away from you.”

“Taryn,” Chantal warns. Matthew doesn’t say anything except to stare ahead. This time, though, he doesn’t place his eyes on you. No, he places his eyes on the couple hoping to get his family off his case. He didn’t want to face the reality of the situation that Matthew wasn’t trying to get you to marry him despite him knowing you were the one. He hoped to ignore the true reason why Matthew was here as your date and not as a family friend. During the rest of the ceremony, Matthew doesn’t look at you once. He opts to look at the couple, the officiant, or the beauty of the outdoor venue. He hopes that by not looking at you, Matthew can escape the reality that he’s in love with you and you, it seems, are not.

When the ceremony ends and the couple walks down the aisle, you and the rest of the wedding party are getting ready to take photos during the Cocktail Hour. You try to make your way to find Matthew and see him because you missed him, but every time it seemed you had a chance, he was busy or was avoiding you.

Eventually, the Cocktail Hour was over and everyone was heading into the location of the reception. After you’ve made your rounds, you look around to see where Matthew was or your brother. You weren’t sure who you were going to sit with, but you were hoping to sit next to Matthew, though. You weren’t sure why Matthew was in a sour mood, but you knew you caused it. You only hoped he wasn’t too mad at you.

“Hey, you look beautiful,” Brady says as he walks up to you. He is holding a fresh drink in his hand, so you assume he was coming from the bar.

“Thank you,” you murmur, wondering if Matthew was around, too.

“Matthew, don’t you think so, too?” Brady says, and you turn your head to where Brady was directing his question to.

“Hi,” you whisper when your eyes lock with Matthew’s. You see anger in his eyes and are suddenly worried that Matthew is truly upset at you. However, Matthew’s face softens when you send him a soft smile, and the anger leaves his face.

“Are you sitting with us?” Brady asks.

“Of course, she’s sitting with us,” Matthew says and walks over to and wraps an arm around your waist. “She’s my girlfriend.”

You smile and let Matthew lead you to where his family is sitting. Matthew pulls out a chair for you to sit in, and he pushes it in for you. Matthew takes the seat next to you, and you’re suspicious that it was Brady’s when he grumbled about sitting in the chair next to you. Immediately upon sitting, Matthew places his hand on your thigh and scoots his chair closer to yours.

As the night carried on, Matthew never took his hand off your thigh, and he constantly whispered in your ear asking if you were okay. If you needed a refill on a drink, Matthew always went to the bar to get you a refill and insisted you shouldn’t have to get up. He always returned by placing the drink on the table and placing a kiss on your forehead.

When he returned with your third or fourth refill of the night, you smiled at him as he sat down and told him, “You know, I’m starting not to hate you anymore.”

Matthew looks at you sadly at your words. You still had animosity towards him? He thought he’s been working so hard to change your opinion of him, but it seems it's just barely working. You notice the strain and sadness in Matthew’s pout and wonder if you did something wrong. You place your hand on his thigh and look into his eyes. The minute your hand touched his thigh, Matthew was fine. It didn’t matter what you said because he knows he cares about you, and he knows that deep down, you care for him, too, despite your words.

“You okay?” you ask.

“Of course,” he says with a smile. “I’m sitting next to the prettiest person in the world; why wouldn’t I be okay?”

You smile at Matthew’s words and rest your head on his shoulder. What were you going to do when you and Matthew no longer could be like this? You knew you were going to miss it.

. . .

As the reception is nearing the final hours, everyone’s moods have turned more casual and laid back, including you and Matthew. Both of your chairs were right up against each other with you leaning heavily against Matthew with your head resting on his chest. His hand was wrapped around your shoulders and was rubbing small patterns on your shoulder. You and Matthew are talking to Brady and Taryn when a slow song, one of your favorites, begins to play. You perk up slightly, wondering if you should ask Matthew to dance with you.

“Hey, Yn, isn’t this one of your favorite songs?” Brady instigates.

“Oh, yeah, I guess it is,” you reply, and Matthew looks down at you softly.

“Do you want to dance, Yn?” Matthew asks. You nod and slowly pull away so he can lead you to the dance floor. You and Matthew position yourselves so that your hands are resting just below his neck with his resting on your mid-back. You both sway to the song, and you’re both entranced with each other’s eyes. As the song continues, Matthew’s hands slowly rise up to the bare skin of your upper back. He begins to stroke soft patterns on your skin, and it sends chills up your spine. You pull yourself closer to Matthew to try to use his warmth to evade the chills. You run your fingers through the hair at the nape of Matthew’s neck, and you see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat.

As the song comes to an end, Matthew licks his lips and leans his head towards yours. He pulls his head back slightly. Was this appropriate? He didn’t have the chance to further contemplate kissing you because you pulled away and led him back to the table. His one true regret that evening is that he didn’t kiss you. He wanted to kiss you. He wanted to kiss you badly, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss you and tell you how much he loves you.

He knows he’s dug himself into a hole he will never get out of.

. . .

“What are you doing today?” Matthew asks as you’re getting ready for the day. Based on his tone, you know something’s up, and you have to agree with whatever it is.

“Why?” you ask nervously.

“Would you want to go to my parents’ house for Sunday dinner? Like pastimes?”

You turn to face Matthew and smirk at him. “I feel like I don’t have a choice here.”

“My mom said that I had to bring you, no negotiations, so yeah, you have no choice.”

You laugh. “Okay, I can go to your parents’ for Sunday dinner, but I know my parents and brother won’t be there. They have plans tonight.”

“What are you going to do for the rest of the day, then?” Matthew asks knowing he wants to spend the day with you.

“I’m going to visit some friends from high school; what are you doing?”

“Just hanging around. Nothing much.”

“Okay then, why don’t I meet you back here, and then we can head over to your parents’ house?”

“Perfect,” Matthew says and turns away from you to go shower. On his face, he’s wearing a wide smile. He only hoped that you were just as excited as he was.

. . .

Unlike when you were growing up, you didn’t stay outside with the boys while Chantal and Keith got dinner together. This time, you and Taryn were in the kitchen helping Chantal cook while Brady and Matthew were out at the grill helping Keith. Now and then, you’d look out the backyard window and notice Matthew. Sometimes, he’d meet your eye and wink at you, and your face would grow warm. Or, sometimes, he wouldn’t be looking at you, but you saw him turn his head away as if he was just looking at you. Sometimes, he didn’t notice you looking at all, and you loved watching him interact with his dad and brother.

“He seems lighter when he’s around you,” Chantal comments after noticing you and Matthew staring at each other for the gazillionth time that afternoon.

“How so?” you ask.

“He’s nice,” Taryn says blatantly.

“Taryn,” Chantal scolds, and you can’t help but smile.

“I’m not wrong,” she defends.

Chantal rolls her eyes. “All I’m trying to say is, you guys are good for each other. It’s about time you both realized the dynamic you both have after years of animosity between you two.”

“Who knows, maybe we’ll finally be sisters,” Taryn jokes, hinting at the possibility of marriage. The smile on your face fades as you remember that you and Matthew aren’t dating. The smile fades knowing that you and Matthew wouldn’t ever get married, and when this ruse was over, many more people would get hurt than you both anticipated.

“Anyways, let’s go eat, yeah?” Chantal approaches. “Taryn, you put the salad on the plate and tell the boys we’re ready. Yn, you can help me scoop the other sides, okay?”

You were about to take the potato salad out to the table, but Chantal grabs your shoulder lightly and signals you to hold back for a moment.

“Just know, Matthew cares deeply for you,” she advises. “At the end of the day, he’s crazy about you; don’t forget that.”

You don’t have the words to say anything in response, so you just nod. Chantal seems to think you fully understand her words, so she walks out to the backyard. You don’t. What could she be talking about? Did she know that you and Matthew weren’t dating? You thought you both put up a pretty good act.

Opting to try to enjoy the evening, you place your worries to the back of your head and walk out to the patio. Just as you’re placing the potato salad on the table, Brady is placing the grilled corn on the table, too. Taryn’s already taken her usual seat, and because it’s a smaller crowd, Chantal has taken the seat where your brother would normally sit. Following tradition, you sit next to Taryn, and Brady takes the seat next to you. Keith has taken his seat and says that Matthew has gotten to grab a refill of drinks for you and him.

“Brady, move,” Matthew growls to his brother from behind you. You perk your head up and turn to see Matthew glaring at his brother.

“What? No! Go sit somewhere else. I’m already sitting here,” Brady says in retaliation and annoyance. He shakes his head and mutters a comment to you asking how you put up with him. You stifle a giggle knowing that the look in Matthew’s eyes was of determination, and the ordeal wasn’t over yet.

“Brady, I said, move,” Matthew says more forcefully.

“Why can’t you sit somewhere else? You never sit here.”

“Brady, move,” Matthew growls again.

“Why don’t you sit here, Matthew?” Taryn asks, trying to diffuse the situation. It was clear that Matthew wanted to sit next to you.

“No, I want Brady to move.”

“I’m not going to,” Brady is firm in his words. “Seriously, Yn, how do you deal with him sometimes?”

You don’t say anything, but Matthew does and is still incessant on Brady moving. “Brady, move and sit somewhere else. I want to sit next to my girlfriend.”

Brady stands up and stares at his brother. Looking at Matthew’s face, Brady knows that Matthew won’t give up on his endeavor, so Brady sighs and proceeds to get up. Brady goes and sits in his old normal seat, and Matthew sits next to you. He places a glass of water on the table for himself (he already had one beer but was driving, so he had to be safe) and lemonade for you. “Thank you, Brady,” Matthew says softly once he’s situated.

Brady grumbles in reply and mutters about how annoying Matthew was. You place your hand on Matthew’s thigh and lean over to whisper in his ear, “You didn’t have to force Brady to move, you know. It’s fine if we don’t sit next to each other.”

“It’s not fine,” Matthew whispers into your ear. “I wanted to sit next to my girlfriend, so I was going to sit next to my girlfriend.”

You open your mouth to say how it was all a ruse but decide against it.

“Shall we eat?” After observing her two sons spar over a seat and Matthew melt as he whispers into your ear, Chantal finally says.

Conversation, as everyone eats, varies from the wedding from the previous night to Taryn going to college to the upcoming season to your job. You loved how normal it was and how it was like before. It felt like before you and Matthew turned ten started hating each other. It was like when you were both young and the idea of marrying each other was still a thing. It was the way life was supposed to be had Matthew not started hating you at the age of ten. As you were both eating, Matthew always had a hand on you. Whether it was on your thigh or around your shoulder, Matthew was always touching you, and his family noticed completely.

“You know, when Matthew told us you were both dating, I was truly shocked. I was surprised you would ever go for him, Yn, considering you are way out of his league,” Brady says out of nowhere and tries to get back at his brother.

“Brady,” Keith warns.

“He’s not wrong, though,” Taryn points out, not realizing the true intentions of Brady's words. “As much as I love you, Matthew, Yn is completely out of your league.”

You notice Matthew stiffening up next to you, and you place your hand on his thigh to try to calm him down.

“I’m just surprised you even gave him a chance considering Matthew hated you for like half your life.”

“Taryn,” Chantal warns. Taryn looks up at her mother and shrugs in confusion.

“I never hated, Yn,” Matthew defends. “I’m not sure where you guys are getting that from.”

“How about the fact that — ow!” Brady is stopped as Chantal kicks him under the table. An awkward silence fills the table as everyone finishes up their meals. What did Matthew mean when he said he never hated you? His actions definitely showed it. Did he still hate you? All these questions swirled in your head as Taryn volunteers you and her for clearing the table. You move in autopilot as you clear the table still trying to figure out the meaning of Matthew’s words.

“I’m sorry for my comments out there,” Taryn apologizes. “I didn’t mean to say anything hurtful.”

“Don’t worry,” you tell her with a smile. “I wasn’t offended, but I think Matthew could use an apology more than me.”

“Nah, he’ll be fine. He’s got thick skin, and it’s not like I said anything he didn’t know.”

“Mmm,” you say, not sure how to respond.

“I’ve never seen Matthew so protective over someone before. Is possessive the right word? I don’t know, but I don’t think he’s ever been like that. If he would challenge Brady to something and wouldn’t immediately get his way, then he’d just drop the subject or physically fight Brady. He didn’t do either of those things. There’s something about you, Yn, that brings out a different side to Matthew,” Taryn points out as she’s rinsing the dishes, and you place them in the dishwasher.

“Interesting,” you say, again, not sure how to respond

“It’s a good thing. You’re both good for each other.”

. . .

You and Matthew say goodbye to Chantal, Keith, Brady, and Taryn two hours later and head back to the hotel you were staying at. Chantal couldn’t understand why you guys didn’t just stay with them before you flew back to Calgary the next morning. You weren’t sure how to explain that you’re not dating her son, and you needed some time to unwind and not have to be Matthew’s pretend girlfriend for extended periods of time.

As you’re driving to the hotel, you and Matthew sit in silence. Now and then, Matthew would shift in his seat in discomfort. You could tell he was still upset from Brady’s and Taryn’s comments. You reach your hand across the center console and place it on his thigh. You hear Matthew’s breath halt at the touch, and you’re confused at the sound.

“Matthew, are you okay?” you ask softly. “Don’t take Brady’s and Taryn’s words too seriously.”

“Yeah, but —”

“Matthew, don’t,” you interrupt as he stops at a red light. He turns to you, and his heart melts at how the lights on the street illuminate your face. He nods at your words, and suddenly, he wasn’t sad or frustrated anymore. The drive continues in silence, but your hand doesn’t leave his thigh. You have one lingering thought, though. “Matthew?”

“Mmm?” he asks.

“What did you mean when you said earlier that you didn’t hate me?”

“I didn’t realize there was anything to say. I don’t hate you,” Matthew says blatantly.

“Yeah, but you did hate me.”

Matthew laughs sourly. “Why do you think that even though I’ve told you that I didn’t hate you?”

“You were such a pest to me after we turned ten.”

“That didn’t mean I hated you, Yn.”

“Then why were you such a pest?” you ask.

“Because I had a giant crush on you when we were ten.”

“You had a what?” you asked, shocked, as Matthew drives into a parking space.

“A crush when we were ten,” Matthew answers and walks out of the car. He walks over to your side and opens the door for you. You step out of the car still reeling for his confession. “Don’t worry, Yn, I don’t have a crush on you anymore, so don’t worry.”

“Good,” you reply quietly. You aren’t sure why you are so upset at Matthew’s words, but you are. Did you have a crush on Matthew, now?

. . .

You’re standing in front of the mirror placing the final touches on your makeup and hair as you get ready to fly back to Calgary. You vaguely notice Matthew sitting in the chair behind you. You figured he was looking at his phone or watching the TV that was on. You lift your eyes to glance at the boy in question. Just as your eyes meet his face, Matthew looks up, and his eyes land right on yours. You stop moving, too entranced in his gaze. Matthew sends you a soft smile, and you mirror his smile. He sends you a wink, and your eyes instantly dart away from him. You continue getting ready, and you try to ignore the heat that rushed to your face and the rapid beating of your heart.

. . .

“I brought pizza and beer, is that good?” you say as you walk into Matthew’s kitchen. It was his first night back in Calgary since you said goodbye at the airport after the wedding, and he wanted to spend the night with you.

“That’s perfect,” he says and takes everything out of your hands.

You take your shoes off and walk further into this apartment. “Oh, looks like you cleaned.”

Matthew looks around the apartment and scratches the back of his neck. He turns to you, and you see a slight blush lining his cheeks. “Yeah, well, no one likes to live in a pigsty.”

You raise your eyebrow at his words. “What version of Matthew is this? The high school version of Matthew had the most disgusting bedroom ever.”

“Oh, shut up,” Matthew rolls his eyes and throws a napkin at you. You swat at it and begin to giggle. Matthew takes a piece of pizza and places it on a plate for you and opens a bottle of beer for you. You take it out of his hands with a soft “thank you” and walk over to his kitchen table. He places his plate and beer on the table and places his hands on your hips; your breath catches in your throat at his touch, and Matthew swears his heart started to beat a hundred times faster at the sound. He guides you towards the couch. “We’re sitting on the couch to eat.”

“But, Matthew,” you say after regaining your voice. You watch him grab his beer and plate from the table where he placed it and sits next to you.

“Nope, we’re not at Yn’s house. We’re at Matthew’s house, so we eat on the couch when we’re having a movie night.”

“Matthew,” you begin again.

He shakes his head as he takes a sip. “Don’t. I can’t eat this once training camp and the season starts, so let’s just enjoy it, okay?”

You nod and take a bite out of your pizza. Why did your breath hitch out of your throat when Matthew touched you? He’s touched you before, but why was it different this time?

. . .

“How about these?” Matthew asks as he holds a bag of chips in front of your face.

You shake your head. “I don’t like that flavor, and I already bought a bag of chips.”

“Maybe you should buy them for me, this lovely person who you forced to go grocery shopping with you.”

“That is not what happened, Matthew, and you know that,” your point out.

Matthew walks over to you and entraps you from where you’re standing at your shopping cart. He places his hands on the bar on your sides so you can’t move. He leans his head towards your ear and whispers, “Then tell me what happened.”

“You know what happened,” you murmur, trying to hide the fact that Matthew’s actions and words were sending chills down your spine.

“But I want you to tell me,” he whispers again into your ear.

“You showed up at my apartment just as I was about to leave,” you swallow before continuing, “and you insisted on coming with me, and here we are.”

“I don’t recall that being how it happened,” Matthew says against your neck, and the vibrations warm your entire body. You figure if Matthew was going to mess with you in the middle of the snack aisle at the grocery store, you might as well do the same. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull his face closer to yours. Your lips are micrometers from his, and you can tell that Matthew is nervous.

“That’s exactly how I remember it happening,” you say against his lips and with each word you said, your lips touching Matthew’s. Out of instinct and preparation for a kiss, Matthew places his hands on your waist, and you smirk, knowing you have him right where you want him. You run your hands up through his hair, and Matthew’s hold on you becomes limp. You lean closer, if possible, to him, and Matthew thinks you’re going to kiss him. Just when you would’ve leaned forward and kiss Matthew, you pull back and escape from where Matthew has you entrapped. You’re standing a few feet away from him, and you notice Matthew still in his trance. “You coming?”

That seems to take him out of his trance, and he nods and pushes the shopping cart to follow you. Matthew isn’t sure what happened, but he knows that whatever did just happen sent Matthew to heaven.

. . .

“What are you wearing?” Taryn asks you when you sit down next to her.

“Oh, this old thing?” you say, pretending to be oblivious.

“Matthew’s going to hate it considering you’re his girlfriend, who the Flames are playing, and what you’re not wearing.”

“I’m counting on it.”

“You are such a pest like Matthew. No wonder you guys are so good to each other,” Taryn rolls her eyes.

“You’re lucky we won or you’d have hell brought down upon you,” Matthew says when you’re standing outside the locker room after the game.

“I didn’t know you knew the devil personally,” you joke.

“Why did you have to wear Brady’s jersey, Yn? The day that I play the Sens, you are wearing the wrong brother’s jersey.”

You shrug but have a knowing smirk on your face. “I felt like it.”

Matthew groans when he sees Brady walking over to you and him. “Nice jersey,” Brady smirks.

“Thank you. Too bad you guys lost.”

“Seriously?” Matthew’s mouth’s agape.

“Oh shut up, you know I cheered for you when you scored,” you say and link arms with Brady as you head towards Chantal and Keith. “It worked. I pissed him off,” you whisper to Brady.

“You guys are so weird,” Brady chuckles. Matthew just stands behind you and Brady and is trying to figure out what just happened and how he’s going to get back at you.

. . .

When you showed up to the Senators-Flames game wearing Brady’s jersey, Matthew knew he had to think of a way to get back at you. After a week-long road trip and coming home at 2 am, Matthew wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep. He also wanted nothing more in the world to see you and to get back at you. When he got in his car to drive home, Matthew realized he had the perfect plan to get back at you. He knows that something you value deeply is your sleep, so because you messed with something important to Matthew, he was going to mess with something important to you.

Matthew drives to your apartment from the airport and parks in the parking spot next to your car. He isn’t sure why he thought you didn’t have a car and why you don’t drive it to work, but here your car is. He walks into the lobby of your building and waves to the nightguard working the night shift. He takes the elevator up to your floor and walks up to your door. He takes a deep breath and begins to aggressively ring your doorbell. He hopes that you wake up and none of your neighbors do.

The ringing continues for twenty seconds before you realize it’s not your alarm. You sit up for a few moments when you realize that it’s someone at the door. When the ringing doesn’t stop, you get worried that something’s wrong. You rush over to the door and open it. “Is everything okay?” you blurt out before noticing who’s the one ringing your doorbell.

“No, I have a very important message for you,” Matthew says with a smirk grazing his face.

“What happened? Is everything okay?” you’re worried now. You’re still barely awake, and if you were, you probably would have noticed the smirk on Matthew’s face.

“It’s an important message. Ready for it?”

“Yeah, yeah, just tell me!”

“Hi.”

“Hi? That’s it? Matthew, you rang my door like a lunatic and made me worry that something was seriously wrong. What’s wrong with you?”

“You wore Brady’s jersey to my hockey game.”

“So you decide to pull this shit?” you’re angry now, and Matthew realizes he made a mistake.

“I’m sorry. I also wanted to see you,” he mumbles.

You sigh and pull him into your apartment. “Then call me instead of halfway giving me a heart attack.”

Matthew nods and follows you into your apartment. He puts his bag down by the door and takes his shoes off.

“I’m going back to sleep, but you can change and shower in my washroom and join me when you’re ready. I’m not staying awake; I’m too tired.”

Matthew is shocked that you’re doing this. Matthew woke you at 2 in the morning just because and you’re opening your home for him despite it. Matthew will never take your friendship for granted ever again.

. . .

“Matthew, are we still fake dating?” you ask out of nowhere. It’s been months since the wedding, and you weren’t sure if you and Matthew still had that title. Recently, you both had been hanging out together, but it didn’t seem like “dating”. It was “friend” hangouts, and you were both disappointed and happy with it.

“Why do you ask?” Matthew asks. He doesn’t want to fake date you anymore; he wants to real date you, but he isn’t sure if you want that, too.

“Because,” you hesitate.

“Because, why?”

“I went out with some friends the other night and this guy was hitting on me, and I turned him down because I didn’t know if we were still under the ruse of dating.”

“Oh,” Matthew says dejectedly. “Don’t worry, if you see him, or anyone else, who’s hitting on you, then you can say yes. We, as of this moment, are just friends and no longer fake dating.”

You nod. “What do we tell people? Like, Shelly or your family?”

Matthew shrugs. “We realized we were better off friends. We went from the extreme of not being able to be around each other to the extreme of always being around each other and realized it doesn’t work.”

“Okay,” you say. You weren’t sure why you were so upset with Matthew’s response.

After the conversation, you head home about an hour later with your head still reeling from Matthew’s words. Just friends, he said, but you didn’t want that, did you? You wanted Matthew in every way that you could. You wanted him next to you when you woke up and when you fell asleep. You wanted good morning kisses, good night kisses, and just kisses in between that. You wanted Matthew because you liked him. You wanted Matthew because, in the months of fake dating, you fell for him. You fell for Matthew Tkachuk, the one boy you never thought you’d fall for, and the one boy who doesn’t want you like that.

. . .

You went out with Matthew and the team to celebrate another win. This time, you wore Matthew’s jersey, and you swore Matthew’s smile grew wider when he saw you in it. The celebration at the bar thus far has been fun. You weren’t sure if the team knows you and Matthew “broke up”, but it doesn’t matter because Matthew was still being touchy with you, and you hoped that you were hiding your feelings for Matthew well.

“I’m going to go get some refills for us, okay? Same drink for you?” Matthew whispers into your ear. You visibly shiver at his action, and you know Matthew noticed. You nod, not trusting your words. To try to ignore how you’re feeling, you immerse yourself in conversation with the group. It works, you think, but when you look up and see the back of Matthew’s head, your heart begins to beat rapidly. You needed to figure out how to get your emotions in check if you’re going to continue to be hanging out as friends with Matthew.

“So, you and Matthew have been going strong, huh?” Annica says when she notices you staring at Matthew. You snap your attention back to the woman. Matthew must not have told the team that you and he “broke up”. You guess that would be a weird conversation to have. You doubted Matthew said something along the lines of, “Yes, we broke up, but I’m going to keep bringing Yn around. Why? Well, we were never really dating, and now we are just friends. Yeah, it’s weird, but just go with it.”

“Oh, um, yeah,” you reply, hoping that Annica didn’t read too much into your words.

“I can tell he’s crazy about you and that he —,” Annica is interrupted by Elias bringing her another glass of wine and conversation changes. You look back at Matthew to try to figure out the meaning of Annica’s words. Just as your eyes land on Matthew’s head, he turns around, as if sensing your gaze, and meets your eyes. He smiles at you, and you instantly feel the tears falling from your eyes. You try to blink them away, but when Matthew begins to rush over to you, you know that he noticed. You excuse yourself from the group and rush out of the bar.

“Yn, yn,” Matthew calls out to you. He catches up to you with his long strides and places his hand gently on your shoulder. You turn to face him and feverishly wipe the tears away. “Yn, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you lie.

“I didn’t know we cry over nothing now, but thanks for letting me know,” Matthew jokes, but it doesn’t do anything to make you feel better. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t be your friend anymore; it just hurts too much to be your friend when I want more,” you blurt out and walk away. Matthew is too stunned at your words to follow after you. You want more? Since when? Matthew doesn’t come to his senses to chase after you until you’re getting into your car to drive home. What does he do now?

. . .

“Yn, yn, yn, I know you’re in there,” Matthew yells as he aggressively knocks on your apartment door the next day. “Yn, please. I just want to talk to you.

You angrily stalk to the door and open it. “What, Matthew? Maybe you should have taken a hint when I didn’t open the door the first eighteen times you knocked on it.”

“Yeah, well, we need to talk, so it doesn’t matter if I was knocking on your door for hours, I’m going to talk to you.”

“Matthew, there’s nothing to say,” you tell him through gritted teeth hoping not to let it show how much you wanted to cry at that moment.

“Like hell, there’s nothing to talk about,” Matthew aggressively replies as he runs his hands through his hair. “You can’t just say that and leave, you know. You’ve had me going crazy, Yn!”

“Well, it’s not like you feel the same way or want the same thing,” you mumble, looking at the ground.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve wanted this since I was ten!” Matthew replies incredulously.

“But you told me you didn’t like me anymore!”

“That’s because I thought you didn't like me like that.”

“Well, I do like you like that, Matthew.”

He takes a step closer to you and looks into your eyes. “That entire time we were fake dating? I was imagining it was real. I was doing everything in my power to make it real so that I could have that experience of being with you because I thought I’d never had a chance with you. Like my parents said, you are completely out of my league, so I was extremely honored that you ever wanted to fake date me.”

“I don’t want to fake date you.”

“I don’t want to fake date you, either,” Matthew chuckles.

“Oh, good,” you reply and look down at your feet. “I want to be your real girlfriend.”

Matthew laughs at your words. “That’s what not wanting to fake date means.”

“Oh, right,” you giggle at yourself.

“So, if I put my hands on your waist and kiss you, is that okay?”

“That’s more than okay, Matthew,” you tell him with a smile and place your hands on his face to bring him closer to you. Matthew smiles at your words and leans his head towards yours. You both softly placed your lips on each other before deepening the kiss. It wasn’t the first kiss you both shared, but it was the first time you kissed each other with your feelings on display. You both deepen the kiss, and Matthew pulls you into him. You run your fingers through the hair at the nape of Matthew’s neck, and you giggle at the small moan that leaves him. His moan and your giggle cause you both to pull back. Matthew gives you a pointed look.

“Great, our first kiss ends like that.”

You giggle again. “It’s not our first kiss, Matthew.”

“Still,” he pouts.

“Don’t worry,” you tease. “There will be many, many kisses in our future.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Matthew says with a grin and pulls you in for another kiss.

The get-together wasn’t perfect or what anyone expected, but it was your story, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.