#<- gonna be my new tag for this kinda nonsense

[oifaaa]

I think I forgot how fun it was to draw in my sketchbook I've not been able to do it for so long and now bc the whole tablet business I've went back to it and ended up spending all day filling pages with doodles

[lainsshop]

Dates With Him ౨ৎ

Pairing: Alastor x Reader

Tags: fluff, established relationship n probably more..

A/N: Another long work of mine, hope you like it cause.. I don’t know. If you have more date ideas please tell me and I’ll make sure to put them here!

Oh, God, you probably already know what type of dates this man will suggest..

Well, of course, it’s gonna be classy, fancy and jazzy! This man only knows the classic type of dates, the “proper” way of taking your partner to dates, according to him that is.

Lots of dancing! It could be anywhere! He doesn’t care if people are watching you, he could just break their limbs if the people around y’all criticize you guys, especially if they judge you.

Even if you suck at dancing he will teach you! Don’t worries, what type of partner will he be if he didn’t. But if you do know how to dance then that’s even better! You two are stealing the dance floor in seconds, I promise you.

Fancy restaurants. Not the white fancy or the bright fancy ones, oh, nuh uh.. I’m talking about the ones with warm dim lights, brown; pearl white; gold n red color palate, good scented candles, soft jazz playing in the background or maybe a live group/solo playing, the finest servings, etc etc..

Yea, those type of restaurants that need a reservation and have a big ass price but don’t worry, Alastor will pay for everything even if you insist on paying too he would just-

“Nonsense, my dear! What kind of gentleman will I be if I let you pay?” You were gonna insist again but you knew he would still pay for it at the end so you gave up.

You just feel kinda guilty cause he pays for almost always pays for everything when you two go out to eat and even on things you want, he likes to spoil you..? You could say that but I don’t really know.

Jazz clubs! Oh, you two will always and when I say always I mean alwaysssss go to jazz clubs! Even before you became official, you two will always go to a jazz venue at least once a month. It became a tradition between you two at this point.

If you haven’t listen to jazz before, oh, you’re on a ride, this man will talk about it and probably even more genres of his era. He would recommend you one artist and then two and like ten and- you get the deal.

Book reading. Now there’s time where Alastor or you.. or both of you like to just stay indoors so sometimes you guys just stay at the hotels library and read. Just enjoying your guys presence, the fire crackling and the soft music in the background.

And when you get tired, he would absolutely read to you while you put your head on his shoulder. (He’s voice is so &;&:&: like it could put me to sleep, okay?😭)

Cooking or Baking. Well, I don’t know if Alastor knows how to bake but I will assume he does. He loves to cook or bake with you! It’s probably his top 3 favorite dates to do with you like.. you literally can do it at any hour, in the mornings, evenings, nights and even midnights like wow there.

If you don’t know how to bake or cook, oh, he would absolutely love to teach you. If it comes out wrong, he would def laugh a bit.. but don’t worries, it’s your first time after all, right? It takes times to learn something new!

© LAINSSHOP 2024

[waddlewaddlewaddlewaddle]

ᵤₙfₒᵣₜᵤₙₐₜₑₗy ₛₘᵢₜₜₑₙ ₍ₘₐfᵢₐ bₒₛₛ! Gₒⱼₒ ₓ ᵣₑₐdₑᵣ₎

Summary: Life leads you to treacherous roads after deciding to enter the dangerous life you knew well not to follow.Having gojo by your side inviting you deeper and deeper into all that’s wrong in the world, inciting you to be selfish and carefree wasn’t supposed to be to your liking, so why do you shiver with adrenaline every time he decides to be the devil on your shoulder?

Contents: Mafia boss gojo x secretary reader.(civilian au ig)

-Secret crush Gojo!

-Yandere Gojo

Gojo being an egocentric bitch! Wealthy gojo! X no nonsense reader.

Warnings: trigger warning if you’re not interested in anything mafia related. The narration of this story is inspired by Latin and Asian mafia. Violence and use of blood!

Wc:1.8k

🏷:@busyreader17 @starlight5cat @xavlyzn

(Idk If I was supposed to tag y’all in the new chapter, sorry if it bothers you but I’m kinda new to this whole fanfic tumblr thing 🙈🫶🏻)

Chapter 4

*　　 　　✦　　　. *　　 　　✦　　　. *　　 　　✦

As the busy Shanghai nightlife contrasted your gloominess with its vibrant lights and loud people, you allowed your anger to fuel your fast-paced steps to lead you to your destination.

What destination exactly?

Well…

You didn’t know just yet.

Before you could notice you got lost in the beautiful chaos that is this city, a city where you know no one and all you have on yourself is your cellphone. As you stood still thinking about what your next move should be, then you suddenly smiled at yourself as you remembered you somehow managed to lose that long-legged freak about two blocks ago.

That peace is shortly interrupted as you feel a cold finger touch your shoulder from the Back.

-“I Know I have made a mistake and I’ll accept any punishment that doesn’t include you leaving my side. That one is the most unbearable of them all.”-He muttered as he looked down unable to face your distraught expression.-“Plus did you really think you’d lose me after springing some blocks?”- He said as he returned his gaze to yours.-“ I always come back you know. And for you specifically, I’ll even crawl back if it’s necessary.”

To you it sounded like a joke but you would be surprised if you knew what he was capable of doing for your love.

All you could do was give him a disgusted look as you responded.

-“You make me sick, what’s your fucking problem?! You dare to almost put me and jail and then you show up high and mighty begging for forgiveness?? Why should I forgive you? All you’ve caused me are problems and to your discontent, I’m finally done with all of this.”

He showed a displeased expression as he noticed you didn’t care for his sincere apology, but he wasn’t gonna let this slide so he pulled you into an abandoned alleyway with the hopes that you could talk better.

-“Let go of me! I’m not going anywhere with you.”-you blurted out as you smacked his hand away.

-“Please just hear me out, if you're not content with my apology I’ll let you go.”- He lied through his teeth as he showed you his puppy eyes.He was putting his life on the line with this acting gig , he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if you decided to abandon him.

You glare at him in a distrusting matter, but as you recall he’s never been dishonest right up to this moment. So you lower your claws and follow him to where he wants to go.

-“If I’m being honest with you I’m not used to treating normal people like you, I’m used to treating thugs who wouldn’t give a damn if they lost everything in a second. So I could say that I did what I did thinking you wouldn’t care for much for it, now l know it’s not an excuse and I’ll have you know that I take full responsibility for my actions and that I-“

Gojo was interrupted during his speech by a rustle at the entrance of the alleyway.

The next thing you know a beer bottle is being thrown next to your head, you can’t help but scream out and duck to the floor trying to process what just happened, your boss turns as he feels for something under his coat, scanning the area for danger.

As the steps, Drew closer a group of 3 tough -looking guys stomped in, each of them playing with a different weapon in their rough scarred hand. As they targeted the two of you with their eyes the tallest who seemed to be the leader ultimately spoke.

-“Finally I catch you two alone, sorry to break up your lover's quarrel but me and that albino bastard have some business to tend to. So I’ll let a fine lady like yourself leave, but you.”- He spat out as he pointed a flick knife directly at gojo.-“But since this cheating mother fucker doesn’t know how to respect my boss’s territory. I guess I’ll have to teach this preppy son of a bitch some respect.”

You looked up at Gojo for some sort of response but all he did was stare at the offender as if he knew something the other party didn’t. As if this confrontation was an opportunity instead of an inconvenience. An opportunity to let go of all of his pent-up frustration, an opportunity to let all his raw, nasty feelings out after caging them up for a gentleman-like facade for your pretty self.

-“3 against one. Your boss’s a bitch for sending you all to do this.”-Gojo said as he looked around for something, as soon as he found what he was looking for his eyes sparkled. He crouched down and cuffed up his charcoal grey suit up to his elbows revealing a tattoed forearm twisted with black and white thorns.

As the tall figure in front of you grasped a long metal tube; he flexed his veins in the dim night light. In your time meeting him you never thought that he had all that ink under those tailored designed suits.

-“Awww how cute gonna defend your girlfriend? If you feel the odds against you; we’ll let her join, we won’t be too hard on her.”-The offender slurred as he looked at your trembling frame, hugging your knees as if you could hide like a ball.

Cold sweat adorned your forehead as you pondered the chances of getting out of this one alive, you couldn’t yell out for help or call trusty Geto without the gangster knowing. All you could do was pray that Gojo could land a hard punch and that your quivering knees wouldn’t give up on you if you managed to run away.

Next, their leader clenched his sticknife firmly in his hand as he launched forward at Gojo, but to your surprise, your boss swung back the metal stick as if it was a baseball bat that then struck the poor man’s head; his head bounced at impact, the force of the hit forcing his body to slum against the brick wall.

-“Gojo!”-You yelled out in horror with the hopes that all this nightmare and suffering would end in a second.

-“Sorry baby, please turn away. Who hits first; hits hardest.”-Grumbled the icy-eyed man as he looked back at you for a split second he wore the biggest smile on his blood-splattered face.

As soon as they saw their leader down the two henchmen tried to attack Gojo but before they could get close enough your knight in rusted armor whacked the pole against oh the guy's stomach causing him to hit the ground in excruciating pain as he grasped his stomach, next thing you know the other guy has his knees shattered as is now sobbing as he clutches his legs, rolling in pain.

You didn’t want this, this isn’t what you had planned, all you wanted to do was explore the city, but before you could continue to lament yourself as you lay there in shock looking at the agonizing figures before you. The noise of the metal stick hitting the ground interrupts you. Slowly your boss starts to get closer and soon you smell the blood reek on his tux.

Before he could say anything you lunged to hug his built torso as you cried into his chest smearing mascara all over the expensive cloth, he felt his heart flutter at the feeling of having you all on him in a disheveled matter. And as soon as he hugged you back, all the chaos was worth it for him. He would beat up as many guys as necessary just so he could sense your small frame quiver under his touch as you looked for solace in him.

And if you were being honest, you hated to admit it but you felt protected and cared as he combed your hair with his slender fingers. Your cheeks blushes as he planted a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.

Sniffing his cologne mixed with sweat and blood wasn’t all that bad if he continued to Pat you back with one hand as he swaddled your face with the other. Maybe you were taking advantage of the situation but your heart felt full and warm as he coddled you in his arms.

But as if god heard you and punished you for your thoughts he promptly stepped away to look into your teary eyes and say.

-“C'mon princess, we gotta leave this place.”

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

It is currently 12 am and you are back at the villa, as you try to comprehend all that just happened, Gojo swipes a warm wet cloth across your face attempting to remove your ruined makeup. The bed sunk under his weight as he carefully tugged your eyelashes under the damp towel to get you as clean as possible as he sat beside you in clean fresh sweat.

Geto stands beside him as the guilt eats him up for not protecting you as he should have.

All he did was run to your rescue as soon as his best friend gave him your location. But in the end, all he felt like was a useless piece of shit, as he stared at your puffy eyes his cell phone rang in his pocket, he then promptly exits the room putting the bowl on the nightstand so he could take the call and not bother you any further.

As your boss notices you start to yawn, he quickly stands up to cover you with a fluffy blanket that is laid at your bed rest.

-“I feel pathetic, You're the one that saved mebut here you are tending to me.”-You mumbled as you looked up at him with doe eyes.

He just grinned and patted your head.

-“I was the one who put you in that mess, so in the end I hope you find forgiveness in your heart for an idiot like me.”- He responded as he scratched his undercut.

You managed to let out a chuckle.

-“You saved my life, I guess we can call it even then.”- Even though it cost you to say that in the end he deserved it. You knew what kind of business you were getting into , and even though he lied to you, he defended you like nobody would. But you still had it crystal clear that is he slipped up again , you would be a goner

His heart melted as those compassionate words left your mouth, he knew he wasn’t worthy of forgiveness. But as you indulged his sins he couldn’t help but love you more than yesterday. He knew he was in debt to you, and it just so happened that he was a man who liked to pay his dues, so he promised to himself that he wouldn’t let anyone including himself hurt you. Even if it meant following you around the world like a shadow, he was willing to make that “sacrifice”.

-“Well after hearing you say that; I guess I can sleep in peace tonight. Goodnight sweet thing.”-He voiced as he rubbed your cheek with his callous thumb.

As he turned to head to the door, your small hand pinched the back of his shirt to his attention. He swiftly turns around and he raises an eyebrow in a playful matter as he waits for you to voice out your need that stopped him from heading to his bedroom.

-“Can you stay here with me tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

*　　 　　✦　　　. *　　 　　✦　　　. *　　 　　✦

A/n: omg that was crazy , I tried to write this chapter as realistically as possible since I haven’t been in a gang fight yet but if I am I’ll confirm or deny the readers pov. I hope you guys enjoyed it and if you have any comments or request please let me know it really motivates me to hear back from you guys. Till next week kisses!! 💋🥰♥️ I’ll finish editing the font tomorrow it’s 3am as I’m writing this I’m so sleepy zzzz

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I finally finished reading Catch-22 (I loved it, it’s ridiculous but it makes sense) so now I can read my last library book (it’s a Poirot one!) I’m feeling more on track writing wise too. I wrote the next chapter of the sibling verse and the powers one, and I started Mastermind. I was going to write the fake dating fic too, but I’m wondering if this is the last chapter so I’m hesitant to move forward right now… CoAi week is still the same. I’m on the last prompt and I just don’t know *sigh

Update: I really really really wish people would tag MCD. That would be really fucking great for me. And while we’re at it, I fucking wish y’all would tag the canon ship too. I’m so fucking triggered I can’t deal with it. I fucking hate this bullshit. Look I get why people write these fics and good for them, but I fucking hate them. They hold no value to me and I don’t like them and I’ll never like them. I’m so pissed right now and I can’t even do anything about it cause I support an author’s choice to write whatever the fuck they want. I just really fucking hate when it’s this same fucking shit again. I’m so over it. I’ve read it so many fucking times already. I know you can say the same about my fics too, which is why I never encourage anyone to read my fics cause it’s the same shit. I’m just fucking over it. I was having a pretty good day too till this bullshit. I hate it here. I’m gonna hope I can calm down enough to read my book and forget about how upset I am. I fucking wish I didn’t care so much about this ship that I get excited and read every fic that I haven’t read before. Tags my beloved, when authors choose to use you are the reason why I don’t completely lose my mind every time. I had a bad feeling about it too but I didn’t trust my gut cause again I was just excited. Why the fuck is it always my queen that dies and suffers and he gets to fucking move forward with his life and get a happily ever after. I’m getting flashbacks of my lunch convo over how much I fucking hate endgame too. If you’re gonna kill someone and give the other half of the ship a happy ending why can’t it be Shiho for once? I think I know of only one fucking fic where he died and she lived and married and shit. Cause even when yall decide to kill him, she’s fucking miserable and alone. What the fuck is up with that bullshit???? So he’s allowed happiness with someone else but my queen has to suffer and only love him and fuck up her own life? Fuck this noise. That’s really what I have a problem with. I fucking hate the double standard. Yeah, I’m not calm at all. This shit needs to fucking stop. Or at the very least write the fucking reverse and even it out more. Cause literally the ratio is fucking tipped all the way over on one side. I try to read fics and encourage people to continue writing but I really can’t support this nonsense. And I’m not going to. I know we have a major silent reader problem and I hate contributing to that, but also this shit sucks and I don’t want to be an asshole and tell someone to fuck off with shit I don’t like. I don’t even like book reviews that shit on a book, why would I like it on fics where the author doesn’t even get money out of it? I really need a new fandom. One that is easy and happy and has lots of fluffy fics for me to read. I’m tired of being sad every fucking day over this ship. It’s literally every fucking day. I really don’t know why I’m still here. I’m too weak to do this.

Update 2: one thing to be happy about I guess. I think it’s not technically true cause of all the fics under our tag that are really for the canon ship. But we have more CoAi fics than canon ship ones on ao3? Wow. I’m kinda surprised with the canon ship propaganda going strong still. Yeah I’m still very much annoyed over fics in our tag that are really written for the canon ship. So in my eyes we haven’t surpassed them. I started reading my book and I’m still annoyed *sigh this is gonna be a long night

[aephalen]

Hii im Aeph! Never made a pinned post before so hopefully im doing this right but heres a few important things about this blog!

Please ask before using my art! i usually dont mind its just good manners you know :)

if you urgently need me contact me on insta!

 still new to this whole tumblr thing, please bear with me 😭

 i sometimes forget to respond to comments, its not intentional im just very forgetful, sorry! :(

Socials

Kofi <3

Carrd // Insta // Toyhouse

Tags

Art Tag → My art

Fnaf Tag → Fnaf

Asks Tag → Asks

Jester and the gang → Cotd

Jesterrr

A lot of people ask me about him so here's his ref and some random info! My blog is pretty much decorated with him so why not :)

Ill probably be tossing random fun facts and updates down here so if youre interested feel free to read the nonsense below

He started as a simple daycare oc but ive kinda separated him from sb completely and he now has his own location which is slightly connected to sister location, i need to redesign most of the other animatronics tho :(

I commissioned a fully rigged 3d model of him by hidiwimae! thats where my header comes from :)

If i hear one more Fizzarolli comparison im gonna strangle someone, yes robot jester with sharp teeth i get it thank you

Teehee

[bunny-hoodlum]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

This honestly feels difficult to fill out becuz I feel like I have more ideas than stories, what with all the new things that haven't gone past one or two chapters or haven't reached their plot yet. But I'll include those things anyways. 🥲

Powerless - My ultimate love-letter to Naruto, that I will eventually repost in full and get off the ground. 😅 Multiverse, Modern Era, govt conspiracies and conscription, Naruto from birth to young adulthood, slow burn, action/suspense, Missing Hinata, shady mentors. 🤭

21 Days - my return to smut after a long ass hiatus, but of course the somewhat unintended plot and parallel backstory reveal steered me away from my original plans. 🙈 For my 'Hinata has moved on/Naruto can't stand not being the center of attention' angst. 🤭 Messy family dynamics and military brat!Naruto too, was so much fun to write.

Asynchronous With You - Becuz two anons liked my Secret Santa to Szjanie, they asked for more and so far this is what they got. The pseudo-sibling drama really intrigues me here, it's like Childhood Friends but with more obstacles. 🤭 I also like the pervy aspect of how they gonna sneak around later on. 🤤

A Girl Should Never Be Without a Father - This one really surprised me and I wanna keep exploring it. 🙈 It's such a simple hentai premise but omigod did DILFruto's angst and bad attitude sneak up on me. 🥵 Ahhhh! Idk why Ch 3 is such a struggle bus of a WIP but I really need more of this. XD (It's a toss-up at this point whether I stick with it or move onto an expansion. I was in a diff headspace and thought it sucked for about a week or two, and was thinking of doing a diff take on it as if it was broken or some nonsense. 😅 I kinda miss Slow Burns now tho, so maybe I will still looking into that expansion. 🤭)

So hard to pick the last one but...

Narutoland - It's like the most gimmicky idea I have but that's what makes it work. 🙈 Literal hentai island full of Naruto clones ready to seduce and use Hinata at their whims. 🤭💕 Lotta ppl already guessed the lore behind it, but that's okay I think. 😂 I hope to still surprise when I make it my full focus again. 😤

Thank you tagging me, Vulgar! 🥰

[aphrodite-made-me-write-it]

hihi are you still continuing everything stays?

hi lovely!

unfortunately i dont think i'll be doing any more imagines any time soon, but if i do, i'll be sure to bring out the proper fanfare

if you like bishova and wandanat, i am in the works (very distant works) of a fic w a similar vibe on my ao3, which is now going to be entirely fanfic that isn't self-insert but you can still find some of 'em on there if you're signed up though this blog is your best bet to find all of them.

however, if you wanna stick w imagines that's totally fine and here's some awesome authors you should follow if you don't already!

@abbyromanoff (they're still new-ish to posting/writing here so make sure to give them extra love and they were a longtime follower of my blog so i mayyyy be a lil biased hehe)

@scmg11 (another longtime follower and semi-new poster (i think) so also give em extra love!)

@cinamonqirl (kate bishop exclusive writer, i think they've also followed me for a while haha but they got some great kate fics)

@maximoffwitch (quality smut content)

@marvelobsessed134 (also quality smut. sorry, i am apparently always horny)

@caroldantops (longtime fav of mine)

@reminiscingtonight (another longtime fav of mine)

if i forgot about you, im sorry, let's use this as an opportunity to shout out some writers! im sorry i'm not writing imagines so much anymore, but i might turn back to em bc they're a good way for me to exercise my writing and my brain. who knows.

i hope you guys are doing okay! even though im not on here so much, this inbox is always open if you need to vent and if you need fic recs! i love you guys so much and im so thankful for the love you show for my writing, even now. when i get them lil notifs in my email i get so much goddamn serotonin in my system

if you want, you can follow my main blog (which is multifandom and just kinda nonsensical, i usually go on weird tangents in tags) @bluebipples ooooor if you wanna read my bishova (and maybe future wandanat?) fics, you can follow my other writing/fic blog @sapphroditewrites though they're all gonna be on ao3 and only available to read if you're a member. im pretty sure somewhere on this very blog is me stressing over the aipocalypse

alright, enough about me and you, if you're a writer or have a writer you love for imagines, please feel free to shout them/yourself out!

[windmilltothestars]

WIP Game

I was tagged by two glorious, wonderful friends: @general-illyrin and @thetreasurechest!! Thanks, guys <3 Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs. As usual, I'm bending the rules slightly because my "WIP folder" is not one thing, I have literally hundreds of half-started stories and WIPs, even more ideas that I've scribbled down in some obscured 3rd location, and many, many that I haven't remotely thought about in years. So I'm gonna write down a couple Tolkien ones and a couple Les Mis ones - some with titles, some have "working" titles, some have titles I just invented for this list, some that are just kinda a concept - and call it good for this era of my life XD - Blessed and Beloved - Laughing at Old Grief - Ancestral Valor (chapter 2) - Mankind Was My Business - The World Is Wild and Bright - One Equal Temper of Heroic Hearts - Establishing the Squad in Ep. 1 - Weird Little Angsty Woodcutting Interlude - Finrod Does Not Regret - Young Outlaws Getting to Know Turin - These Violent Delights Have Pretty Chill Ends (chapter 3) - To Go Through Fire (chapter 4) - Songs of Salvation - The Gentle Light of the Evening-Star in Summer - All the Elf Wife Nonsense Wooo this was fun!!! And it'll be good think about them and share about them!

I'm no-pressure tagging @marietheran, @nerdy-catfish, @skeleton-richard, @scioscribe, @magnetocerebro, @dwarven-beard-spores, @whitehorsevale and @grondds-and-roses if you'd be at all interested in participating in a thing like this, and sharing anything you're working on! If not, no worries!! Thanks again <3

[ificouldhelpyouforget]

As an old fuck in the fanfiction space, here are my hot takes and pet peeves from recent changes:

*Disclaimer: these are merely my opinions and I'm not hounding anyone for doing these things (well, most of them...), so don't be hateful.

TEASERS: Nothing annoys me more than teasers. I will see a good looking fic and try to read it, only to be disappointed. I often won't return to the fic either. The teasers of a screenshot of what you're writing? Doesn't bug me at all. But a whole ass post designed like a chapter is being posted? I'm out. Also, for anyone who does do teasers, please do not post teasers or placeholders on AO3. It's against the site's policy/rules (TOS I believe) and you will get reported.

DO NOT INTERACTS: I get it. You don't want to get in trouble if you post smut and a minor talks to you or anything, but you can also simply not respond to ageless or underage readers. I know some sites you can't, but that's on you to decide who you'll interact with. Don't put the responsibility on others when you can only control yourself. As for other DNI types... like, why? You're posting on public forums. People of all types are gonna see it, so, like... it's kinda useless. Frankly, it makes me never want to read your stuff (not that I think you care).

PAYWALLS: Fan creations are always in that gray area of this, but fanfiction is one of those things I personally never want to see behind a paywall. It feels extra scummy making money off something like fanfiction, but that's me. People who make fanart do this and it doesn't really bother me, but I get grossed out when it's fanfics. You'll probably never see me give your content public interactions because of paywalls (again, I know you don't care).

BLOCKS OF TEXT: Barring that many don't write in the English format or have English as a second language, blocks of text are overwhelming and not fun to read. I'll click off fics if I see it's a single block of text. I know Tumblr has strict paragraph rules at certain word limits, but please spare my poor eyes. A new paragraph starts a new subject and new dialogue from each character. Do not have two characters speaking in the same paragraph. But I do understand that it may not be well known to do that when writing.

TAGGING: Please, for the love of God, only tag what is in the fic. I understand you want views, but nothing drives me mad more than when I'm looking for a specific tag and get a lot of fics that have nothing to do with what I'm trying to find. For example, I read a lot of Stray Kids fics specifically about my bias. But the tag will be full of fics of different members and my bias is nowhere in the fic. Please, spare everyone scrolling endlessly through unwanted fics because you didn't tag correctly.

THE PURITY AGENDA NONSENSE: Just because someone writes or reads something that is illegal, taboo or gross in real life DOES NOT MEAN they think it's okay. Age gap of 10+, noncon, dead dove, dubious consent, sex involving minors, etc. does not at all determine what the author or reader thinks is right. The beauty of fanfiction is the ability to explore these things in a safe place that does not harm anyone. And I see people getting mad about characters of certain sexualities getting swapped to a different one, but that's another thing about fanfiction, you can do whatever you fucking want to the characters. Fanfiction came about because people wanted different outcomes or wanted to alter characters. It's fun to explore and the point of fanfiction. We have GOT to stop bullying authors and readers for what they read and write. Fanfiction is a chill place to explore a lot of different avenues of life.

I'm sure I have more icks, but this is what I can think of. I get there a plenty if people who disagree with me, and that's fine. These are my personal issues and opinions as someone who has been part of the best era of fanfiction so far. You are free to disagree with me, but hateful and rude comments will not be tolerated.

[nesisamess]

thinking about akane/sora.

sigh that whole thing along with her (their? both of their?) dynamics with utsuro, and how that kind of bleeds over into yuki.

i was gonna put some shit in the tags but my brain just kept writing so ahem here we go (sorry as always for the nonsensical rambling if you can’t tell i just use tumblr as a place to word vomit about the things that are Taking Up My Brain)

The main reason I’m not a huge fan of Sora/Yuki is because how much of it is just Sora’s programming? But at the same time that just makes everything 1000x more interesting because where does Sora begin and the programming stop, yknow? Sora is so vastly different from Akane imo that it feels weird to call Sora nothing but an imitation of Akane, but… canonically, i mean, that’s all she really is

I’m definitely a big believer in your own interpretations of media (and especially with some of Kodaka’s choices that i don’t personally agree with) and in Sora’s case I kind of don’t believe she’s just this really simple ai. I definitely think that her relationship with Akane and the melding of them is v. v. interesting and could lead to a lot of emotional development but it becomes a lot less interesting to me when it’s just like “oh yeah sora isn’t even like. anywhere close to real she can never be real whatsoever” like is the questioning of her own reality not enough? cuz her emotions feel pretty fucking real and it feels ridiculous to say otherwise

In my own fanfiction & writing for a post sdra2 what-if-sora-survives a lot of her struggle is with figuring out how much of akane is still in her. like. that’s almost a seperate person, but wait, no it’s not. i have her memories. i have her face. i stare in the mirror and she looks back and am i her? am i the one who did all those horrible things? or was it someone else? and sora’s struggle with that could be so so interesting

and how yuki/utsuro plays into it too ughhhh

did sora ever really love yuki, or was it all just the programming? and is that programming her or is it akane? and who is she, if she’s not just akane? utsuro and akane are 100% an unhealthy ass relationship and that always will kinda poison any variation of sora/akane x yuki/utsuro ships for me.

but utsuro and akane at the same time are so fucking interestinggggg in their toxic mess like she fucking worships him. he is a god to her but to him? akanes just another follower. a particularly loyal one but at the end of the day he. does. not. care. about. her. whatsoeverrrrrr!!! he doesn’t care about anything, not even himself

and i think she kinda knows that, or is aware but she doesn’t even care because to her utsuro is a god and she’s thankful he even lets her worship him. because he saved her. and how fucked up must akane’s situation must have been? i mean, i can’t imagine. and now, post sdra2, sora has all these memories. she remembers all this shit, all the reasons why she worships and loves utsuro but also. she has other stuff. she has yuki, and yoruko, and all these new memories that she had made. but, but… but she would still pick him.

and doesn’t that prove it?

that after all this time that sora didn’t even get to experience, she is the same.

the same girl that did all these horrific things in the name of worship.

is she also, then, the person she was before those memories came back? the person who flirted with yoruko and created bonds and made sarcastic comments.

is she…

is she both? neither?

well, we’ll never get an answer.

because at the end, she did what she always did.

she sacrificed herself for him.

[tsukiyadori]

Reading Log 2024.04 - April

Previous: Reading (Watching) Log 2024.02-2024.03 - February-March

Reading languages: German, English, French, Japanese, not listing which was what. (There's also been some feeble attempts at Chinese.)

Titles are as I’ve read them either first or most and thus remember it for that title mostly

Not going to bother putting in the original titles of translated reads unless there is something worthy of note to it

Cursive titles have been completed

Some notes' content may be subject to repetition here and there, as I also copied some older notes from casual conversations over and didn't go through any rounds of cutting things down.

——————————————————————————

APRIL

I now have a new phone lockscreen wallpaper. (See entrance image. It's from How to Survive as a Villain's webtoon a.k.a. To Be or Not to Be chapter 71). The moon being pretty, and a thing for me is kinda self-explanatory given my alias names, but usually you find images with moons to have them being all on the upper part of the image, because obviously moons are up there in the sky. However, for phone lock screens this is incredibly unpractical, because on the upper part is the time display and that one's white... So this one is perfect with the moon not being on the upper part but the lower part of the image. I wonder what blossoms there are supposed to be. I'd guess peach blossoms (with the village being called literally Peach Blossom Village, but wasn't it supposed to be summer in that timeline? And peach blossoms bloom in March to April.)

I found out that you can add any number of tags, but tumblr kicks everything bar the first 30 somethings upon saving and among those displayed only the first 20 actually will count for showups if you want to filter posts with that hashtag. Or like search on the phone app. What the heck. What do you mean I need to actually choose the most important ones now each time. D:

Maybe I should try do monthlies after all, so there won't be as many tags to begin with.

I feel like this is gonna just be a rambling about one particular series this month anyway...

I have learned something new this month. The Chinese have a slang word called 'dog blood'. It's apparantely coming from theater where death scenes were enacted with dog blood and first was about extended nonsensical farewell speeches of death scenes but eventually expanded to describe all sorts of cheap cheesy lines in general. Or in other words, this is basically synonymous to what I call bad, rotten or trash cheese.

Light Novels:

7th Time Loop v2

Brunhild v1-2

By the Grace of Gods V12

Dragon Live Online p8-11.5

Hell Mode v3p1-3

How to Survive As a Villain Novel ch46-57, ch181-183, Ch58-75, ch209-210, ch206, ch196, ch76-136 (and some other random scene cheery picks completely out of order)

Is it wrong to pick up Girls in a Dungeon v9

Mushoku Tensei v1p1-6

The Case Files of Jeweler Richard v13p15-56

The Eminence in Shadow v2p6-8

The Executioner and Her Way of Life v1

The Faraway Paladin v1-2

The Saint's Magic Power is Omipotent LN v2p1-v3p6

Unnamed Memory After the End v1p16-22

Unnamed Memory LN v1p1-2

Wolf and Parchment v4-5

Your Forma v4

Manga:

Aiko und die Wölfe des Zwielichts v1-3

Ano Natsu ga Houwa suru. ch17

Are You Okay with a Slightly Older Girlfriend? Ch2.4-16.1

August 15th

Buta no Liver wa Kanetsushiro ch35.1-2

Dance in the Vampire Bund The Memories of Sledgehammer v2ch5-8

Delinquent Daddy & Tender Teacher v3

Domestic na Kanojo v5-8

Don't Call Me Daddy

Ein schicksalhafter Bund mit dem Fuchs v1-v2ch11

Fake it to Break it Ch1-8.3

Feng Yu Jiu Tian ch1-4

Flying Witch v11-12ch73

Get the Moon

Goblin Slayer The Singing Death v4ch16-19

Goblin Slayer Year One v8

Goblin Slayer v12

Hallo, ich bin eine Hexe und mein Schwarm wünscht sich einen Liebestrank von mir v3ch15

Hiso Hiso v4-6

How I Attended an All-Guy's Mixer Ch1-4

In Sachen… Geheimnisse (v3)

In Sachen… Vertrauen (v2)

Intoxicated East Wind Skimthrough

Iron Cock Skimthrough

Isekai Transporter ch1-4

Isekai de Ane ni Namae wo Ubawaremashita ch18.1

Kakan no Oukoku no Hanagirai Hime ch12.3-13.1

Kakko Warukute Kakkoii Kimi v1

Ki ga Au to Iu Koto wa v1

Kijima-san & Yamada-san Ch17.3-24.2

Knitter's High ch27.1-2

Koisuru (Otome) no Tsukurikata ch82-83

Kono Koi wo Hoshi ni wa Negawanai ch12.3-13.1

Korsar der Liebe v1-3

Like Milk & Honey v1-2

Living With My Brother's Wife Ch12-15-48

Lonely Castle in the Mirror v1-3

Loop 7-kaime no Akuyaku Reijou wa, Moto Tekikoku de Jiyuu Kimama na Hanayome Seikatsu wo Mankitsusuru ch31

Maid-san wa Taberu dake ch48

Mein Isekai-Leben v1-v4ch12

Mir dir im Wunderland v2 (ou of order read)

Miryou no Otome to Katabutsu Hittou Majutsushi no Hatsukoi Kiroku bangaihen3-4

My Awkward Senpai Ch71-75

My Elder Sister v5-6ch44

My Not-So-Fair Lady is Doomed! (But Not If I Can Help It) Ch1.1-4.1

My Roommate is a Cat v6-8ch24

My Unexpected Marriage Ch1-10.2

Okazari Ouhi ni Nattanode, Kossori Hataraki ni deru koto ni Shimashita ~Usagi ga Iru no de Hitorine mo Sabishiku Arimasen!~ ch25.2-26.4

On or Off v1-4

Rebirth Two Lives I Still Love You ch0-2

Ryuko v2

Sasaki & Peeps v1

Shuumatsu Touring ch37.1-2

Soko ni Suwaruna

Suicide Notes Laid on the Table Ch20-35.1

The 6th Loop: I'm Finally Free of Auto Mode in this Otome Game Ch1.1-3.2

Tokyo Aliens v7ch29-33

Unamed Memory ch36.1-2

Watashi wo Tabetai, Hitodenashi ch38.1-3

Yomei Ichinen to Senkokusareta Boku ga, Yomei Hantoshi no Kimi to Deatta Hanashi ch11.1-2

Webtoons:

Breed my Dear Enemy Ch182-194

Fall in the Night with You Ch72-73

Flowers in the Secret Place Ch89-155

Her Atypical Story Ch0-5

Ice Lamp: The Chronicles of Kira Ch45-48

Taberare Usa ch99-101

The Blind & The Homeless Ch8-42

The Goddess of Healing Ch67-79

To be or not be Ch24-95

Notes:

To Be or Not to Be (reread on Comikey in progress): So well, the first time was a bit not as attentive and then too quick on binge last month so I simply started from the beginning again. And it's so funny in hindsight that it took me until starting the novel to realized this fellow is just about as aroace as you can be (who slowly drops into a demi-romance). Like, I should have had caught the hint latest with this:

(Difference between a brotherly love or one between lovers)

This is, if you think about it, not the sort of question you'd normally ask, especially not when somebody just confessed to you and there is no homophobia theme nor desperate denial at play, and you don't even doubt that it's meant seriously and can even see that the feelings are genuine. It's.... totally a question I'd also ask, tho. No wonder, this entire progression of that romance and him taking so long to catch on just felt so plausible to me.

Other than that, I still think the first season (up to their first separation) is a pretty great adaption, it takes shortcuts and adds some more flourish at places. The second and third seasons however, after reading the novels now feel excruciatingly chopped, although it still manages to do the most important scenes right. But much of its worldbuilding and side characters is just gone, and some things are still there but don't exactly make any sense - like that hairband from eunuch Zhao that snapped, it ever was only shown intact in the webtoon, but when Xiao YuAn goes to bury his box of mementos there is Hong Xiu's hairpin this broken hairband. Or the list of names of fallen soldiers. Other little changes make sense, and some just seem clunky. (Like this whole "I want to bed him" in the last arc has an entirely different vibe considering they had been at it before already unlike in the novel.) And my complaint after the first read that the last third just seems way too focused on the two MCs with zero inclusion of the side characters or expanding the world, the novel in fact is like that still in that arc, but it already has done all that in the second season, which was nearly entirely cut in the webtoon (or if you look really closely there are some one-liners or random panels showing it) and does some more in the extras, which the webtoon doesn't adapt. Still it does get many of the most important scenes right and the art remains pretty. (Except the last third still has me had this eyelashes issue. Whyyyy.)

How to Survive As a Villain Novel ch46-57, ch181-183, Ch58-75, ch209-210, ch206, ch196, ch76-136 (and some other random scene cheery picks completely out of order): When you go like, let's read it slowly so it lasts longer!! and that even works, but then you just start reading backwards and then all across all over the place out of order anyway. Oh, well....

I already got some clear aroace moods with Xiao YuAn in the beginning that I read last month but upon reading on.... this fellow's really about as aroace as you can be without naming it. It even goes all the length of establishing him as somebody who doesn't understand it at all, has to ask about it, and questions the veracity of the answer at places. (And I still think the "sexual orientation" bits on the official character bios on both him and Yan HeQing are a complete riot. 😂) They both look very demi to me; if that original novel is to still apply Yan HeQing falls for somebody who extends their hand when he's in anguish and suffering and over that emotional attachment he develops feelings (and then it's a dam breaking). For Xiao YuAn it's obviously very slow burn and building one little pebble atop another until a wall that makes him feel safe has been built.

What I thought was incredibly interesting tho, Xiao YuAn still comes off as pretty ace even after all is said and done. And he doesn't exactly know it - he continues to live with a misconception that's just incredibly widespread and not known. In that same scene from the above webtoon snippet he asks Yan HeQing what sort of like/love is he even refererring to. Does he know the difference, is it a brotherly/comradery feeling or one between lovers. That's also what is in the webtoon in Chinese (I actually went to check that one out), but the novel (which scene I also went to check out, at least what web version I could find in Chinese) has him be much more crude and to the point to put that question between that brotherly like/love or if it was one where Yan HeQing would want to have sex with him. (Which he answers rather clearly as having very much some voracious appetite for him in that respect, the answer is still there in the webtoon.) Now put this next to each other. That's his idea: The love of lovers is something that includes sexual desire. Sound familiar? Uhu. He even suggests in lieu of answering him that they simply do the deed. In order to learn and find out. The man's got some very wrong ideas right there. A few of them seem way too dumbly familliar.

The hilariously funny part is, Xiao YuAn proceeds to be incredibly unhinged about this spice stuff afterward. He is going for it, he does the most outrageous things, but he does them in a way that just feels entirely clueless or he realizes just how extreme they are after it's already done or shortly about to be done and he reflects on it and feels incredibly stupid. And most of all, if he causes a dam break in Yan HeQing who, all seduced and riled up, can't help but eat him up rather ravenously he always winds up wailing for him to please stop, because kinda, he didn't have that in mind at all so much. It's like he never really is aware of what he's gonna get himself into and doesn't really learn his lessons either. But also, once he gets touched, he is plenty able to feel sexual pleasure, he doesn't exactly hate it. It's just... it seems more like a passive body reaction, a sort of being okay with it, rather than an innate desire out of attraction? He never seems actually thirsty for it (unlike Yan HeQing who is incredibly straving for it, but knows it and restrains himself constantly.)

He's the first to initiate and propose them doing it and is notoriously stubborn about getting Yan HeQing to do it, but also says it's not like he is in a hurry (or like coming off as badly wanting it because of an actual proper desire like Yan HeQing always has), but it's just he feels like they'd never get the right timing to do it at all otherwise. It makes him sound desperate, like he feels a duty to actually do it and guilty for not doing it, almost as if he has to prove something. And whenever Yan HeQing kinda distances himself from him for whatever reason his go to is to try seduce him and break his self-control for forced up intimacy. (And then just winds up regretting it, because it's too much.) And it seems to entirely not align with what he actually wants and needs most fo have exactly that connection he seeks. After that last dramatic reunion in the third part where Yan HeQing is so out of himself and selfcontrol he wants him so badly tied to bed and everything like those innermost desires he once told him (but never actually executed like that, because he doesn't want to hurt him), Xiao YuAn instead just wants to hug him. He's wanting physical intimicy, but it's more about lying in one another's arms for a peaceful sleep. Every single time when he's still oblivious to it all, but clearly already attached, he just has Yan HeQing accompany him to spend some quality time together. He's the one who wants to have dates even as they weren't named such and even has to explain that thing about it's simply to just spend some good time together to him. (All the while Yan HeQing is so thirsty wanting to steal kisses from him.) And whenever he fawns over the man, it's kinda suspiciously in just aesthethic ways...? (well for what I've read anyway.)

30% of it feels more like a sort of playfulness, a sort of stubborn competition, fueled by those "tyrannical president" antics, which trope he entirely is not, but spent his entirely past life being forced into being and still very much influences his thought process. Almost as if if he doesn't get Yan HeQing to jump at him, it's like he is lacking in attractiveness, something that chips away at his self value. Another 30% is him appearing like he considers it the thing to be done, almost as if he owes it to him, especially as he knows that Yan HeQing's wants in that regard run much deeper and notorious. Yet another 30% is him kinda just enjoy everything before the actual act. Like as if getting him to do it is the goal rather than actually doing it. He clearly enjoys the teases to break Yan HeQing's defenses, his self-control, his stoism. And even as he knows some of his things are kinda outrageous, he, to some extend, still enjoys them. It's kinda the same thing with his fixation on terrible tropes and cheesy lines and everything 'dog blood', it's excruciatingly terrible, all trashy, but he can't help but also kinda look forward to it. The last 10% are... really just him having no darn clue. Like however did he think that red silk bondage was a good idea??? 😂 Maybe I should not laugh as me, surely I'd be just as dumb myself if it ever came to be...

Other than that I quite like how the isekai/transmigration thing plays out.

Xiao YuAn doesn't really get to be all OP or a sort of cheater because of being from a modern world - that is not as a plot device. There are some indications and little details that he does bring in some modernization, like proposing that meritocratic exams system the actual historical China also has had, but it's never really played as a plot point that flaunts his superior knowledge or anything. What he ultimately winds up tackling - corruption, decandency - are things entirely the same still in the modern word and he's also struggling with it all the same as he would in any modern world as well. He knows the future by the plotline, but beyond having a better grasp at insight to their character and be nice to them Hamefura-style, it's at the same time also kinda the obvious thing to do as a decent person. And he's having plenty ability to have an insight on human nature and getting other people liking him even without the cheat skills from the novel plot as his time in the TaoYuan village proves.

I still absolutely do not like that bit about Xiao YuAn's brother, he just remains a complete plot device, but that the doppelgänger from Wester Shu gets to wake up in the modern world as him to improve on his own depression and helplessness was a nice touch. (One the webtoon should have rather have, when it had them actually have a conversation with each other, rather than how in the novel Xiao YuAn only every saw him from a distrance and asked about him. He remained a completely stranger there, so him kinda not having as much compassion to upkeep his past identity's honor seems more plausible. Especially as he's introduced as a good guy, unlike that Nothern emperor who is a scummy villain (and then even he got to have a little bit pity left for him by the original book's ending for him with is love affair.))

That and how it's part of how Xiao YuAn has a few deep seated traumata and in that way that they don't seem obvious at all, because he drowns it all in his smiles, his goofy riduculousness, his apparant ability to just let grudges go when all he does is just to bury them and run away. All that load, it didn't just magically disappear in his new life, no, they come to wreck him even in this new world. He has baggage and a new life doesn't magically fix it nor is this fantasy escapism world it the solution to it in the end. How many isekai tales actually make use of this oppotunity to add some more emotional development? We never really learn much about how he lived his life in the modern world, but little insight is there only describes titbits to establish the origins. But it was never really addressed in his childhood and it wasn't cured at all either, nor is it likely that it's curable at all. Those scars are there and with his futile struggles they only got worse culmating in his rash and terrible decisions. What ultimately keeps it in check and just puts a lid on it without erasing it, is being showered with that love he was missing his entire life by Yan HeQing and his found family in the village and also realizing how the easy way out of it has devastating consequences.

Speaking of that found family, it's really too bad, that got cut so much in the webtoon. While there is still a tinge of it with Lin Shengling getting all touched that Xiao YuAn's place is kinda his maiden home of sorts and Xiao YuAn and all accepted in that village with really close bonds with especially the Zhan family, which family to begin with is a patchwork family. Yang LiuAn and Xiao FengYue kinda become brothers of sorts to him, and old lady cohabitating with them is a sort of motherly aunt there. There's just no ill will in that village (which is its whole point with being kinda called a little paradise on earth.) And also it's just got these beautifully blossoming trees. (Now are those peach blossoms or not??)

Oh and speaking of found family and all closeness and intimicy that there is and which is being perfectly aknowledged as something Xiao YuAn holds dear and misses and seems just so attractive, even as he is perfectly fine with living in the capital with Yan HeQing, which the latter also perfectly respects and encourages. There is also this bit in the extras about Hong Xiu, how it was Xiao YuAn, who tended to her worst fears she never expected anyone to expect and treated her with gentleness, a sort of she hadn't phantomed to ever get. And as the man speaks fondly and caring about her and Yan HeQing get jealously concerned over "do you like her", Xiao YuAn is all he's probably jealous about the girl again, but also that Hong Xiu never was part of of his harem. And then he has this to say to him:

Way to just get things right. (And she definitely ripped a hole into his heart, once she was gone and even keeps visiting her grave years later. Also really too bad that the afterwards about how curruption cut short his support for her family forcing her sister to become a maidservant, too.)

Other than that I just want to scream: Why could I not discover this a mere two darn month earlier?! That the pre-orders for that Singapore Rosmei edition is already closed and me not having entirely any idea at all how to get it anymore sours me, doesn't help at all, that apparantely that edition is gonna get some new unrelease extra chapter (although that is to be in v3, so technically I won't be missing that one............ whenever the other two volumes are going to be released anyway.) Apparantely there's even another chapter exclusive to some Chinese Edition from a publisher called Via Lactea and I have absolutely no idea how that one's supposed to look and how to get it. And to learn this right when I pondering about looking for some Chinese proxy for getting the books in Chinese, too, now obviously I want that edition to learn what that extra chapter is about. Hhhhnnnng. (Apparantely there's also a Spanish edition licensed with the art of the Rosmei edition, but I know no Spanish...)

Other than that, I still riducilously miss out on those footnotes the aggregator sites have just went and killed. Also, I just found out that the one single site that had the extras beyond chapter 210 kinda did some move and the entire title has vanished from that one's new site. With that there's porbably no place to read the fantraslation of it anymore. (At least for that one I had the epiphany of going though all the chapter sites to make a safecopy last week, I don't really want to know how dkfhkdjfhkjdfh I would have been, if I missed out on reading them just like that from one day to the other.)

In any case, this one as rekindled my interest in the Chinese language, too. Linguistically/writing style speaking this novel is also highly up my alleways. It's chock full with idioms (I image them to be complete utter pain to translate), historical references in those idioms, but also it has all that meta stuff about tropes and everything along with modern slang usage. And it's just having the right amount of twinkling parody of tropes, indulging just enough in it for some guilty pleasure but still managing to have an well build up emotional rollercoaster plot of its own that dances with Xiao YuAn's goofy ludicrousness at times in one hand and heavy hitters in the other. And considering, that it has not newly invented any wheel whatsoever - about every single element in there is something that on its own you can find elsewhere as well - but still manages to get me this invested into it is kinda rather impressive.

Speaking of impressive---

Mein Isekai-Leben a.k.a. My Isekai Life v1-v4ch12: Now that on the other hand is an entirely different sort impressive, or more like, I am astounded by it. Which is to say if I had to use one word to descibribe it it's 'listless'. This is an incredibly listless OP MC cheat skills power-fantasy. It's also... incredibly boring. Brainless. Everything you get to see here is something that has been done elsewhere in way, way better already. I only read all those vols because I just happened to have them there and then I just kept going after the first volume because I wanted to know how in the world is this managing to survive at all. It's a manga adaption of a light novel, both are sitll ongoing and runnning. How does this manage to be this reasonably popular to warrant this??? (After v4 I still didn't really know, so I gave up.)

Wolf and Parchment v4-5 (5 sitll in progress): Ok, so volume 4 was kinda okay in the end, not so much a slog anymore, although the the conversation between Even and Col about how Col would definitely go and prioritize Myuri was pretty interesting, putting into question how long he's gonna last to stick to his he's gonna be a priest and not just take Myuri's handand he's still all that's never gonna happen. (Like hell it won't?!) Then volume 5 started and I was kinda blown by surprise over that bit about them being in this weird space of having a bond, about how she keeps calling him brother despite also saying she is romantically in love with him, because there is no other way to qualify this at all and him also realizing the weird place he is with his attachement to her, too and then the whole crest thing is there, and how every single one involved with it immediately understands it's significance. Something for them, only the two of them, something special, but it's not lovers or marriage. Something else. And it's also hard to get, because how in the world are you gonna explain two people with no tangible relation neither blood nor marriage, wanting to share a crest together? are you just gonna pretend something that pleases general plausibility, while it kinda contradicts its actual purpose? Owoooh, how cool is that. I suppose I really had no trust in this series (or media in general) that this wasn't going down your bog standard romance route.

The Case Files of Jeweler Richard v13p15-56 (that's somewhere into chapter 2): I am making some progress in reading that one off, but admittedly even I am surprised how slow going it is sonsidering how hyped I was about it before its release and then put it off for health reasons because I totally expected I'd just binge with in a marathon with no regard to sleep and food. If I had to put a finger onto it, it's kinda, the first chapter wasn't exactly uninteresting, but also really not very getting be invested either. The second chapter just entirely starts of with discomfort with having this Chinese classmate sobbing about how he is terrible in school and his father is livid about it and just the general vibes of Chinese mentality. Like. Ouch. And it also immediately stiffled my interest in Chinese again that How to Survive as a Villain has sparked up again. Distancing from that language is kinda like distancing from that general mentality for me and looks like I still can't really separate them enough to just enjoy the language without having the culture behind it poison me.

Unnamed Memory After the End: Still very much at the start, but it docks onto where the first series stops before the grand time skip. It also just picks up on a few things that were left unaddressed in its second half. And here is me wondering, if Myralis and Valt will show up again or not. How it ended for them - which by world mechanics has to be a bad end and then they don't even get mentioned - still feels narratively very unfair to me, with all the effort spent on describing their motives and backstory.

Flowers in the Secret Place - finished: This is another series I just read though chapters over chapters wondering why even, until it kinda went decent enough somethiing around chapter 70? from 155 chapters. The only reason I looked into it was because the art is kinda decently pretty. The reason I made it across the first chapter was that.... the MC wears bunny hair ties. Yes, stupid reason, but here we go. The male MC is possitively annoying, the second male lead is much more interesting but takes a whole while to pick himself up. The backstory and its resulting triangle constellation actually winds up being decently interesting.

Rebirth Two Lives I Still Love You ch0-2: Same author as How to Survive as a Vilain, different artist, which... doesn't look exactly bad, but not even half as appealing. This one's also not Isekai, but Regression. Also it looks incredibly cheese. Motivations for reading on were a bit low, but maybe it just takes a bit? Knowing me I will check it out anyway...

My Unexpected Marriage Ch1-10.2: This isn't even an Isekai, but it uses the Isekai cheat skill trick of using some pretty modern contemporary things and common sense, put them into an Ancient-y setting to make everything run overly smoothly for the MC. In terms of plot and characters I cannot say I am wowed. Nevertheless, it is set in Ancient China-ish of a setting and even if the female MC's big eyes innocent gentle shoujo face kinda clashes with the rest, there is definitely some effort spend on all the wardrobe and ornaments. It's pretty enough to keep going. The mystery plot that points to court intrigue is okayish enough, too.

Mushoku Tensei v1p1-6: The way the horny is put in really is a bit "...", there it really just goes, does an overly genuinely touchy feely monologue about how someone is great and how the guy is emotionally touched and everything, only to destroy it with the twist that he stole her unwashed panties. It was a whole block of text about how in his previous life he was a shut in a loser, somebody with serious problems, social anxiety and getting out of the house issues included and the girl took him out for a magic exam, insisted it had the out there and he really is unconfortable with it, you can get really into how this little bit is just a major milestone for him, something nobody in his old life has managed or even tried. But then it just had to goe like and then he remembered that he still had those unwashed panties in his room that he had stolen some month ago. Argh.

At least that horny father seems to have at least some punches to get, and the setup of this guy being a completely loser, but actually it's not like he always was, he was even better but never learned modesty and that being his entire downfall out which he has now learned. This character is a pretty well set up antihero, he is all sorts of terrible, but in that one moment where Truck-kun came he pushed that whoever away with no regards to himself. (and it doesn't get flaunted as that one big good deed.) He also helped Sylphie, and that started without any horny ulterior motives either. (I was half wondering there actually if, with all that attraction to her, when he still thought she was a he was opening up some queer route, but looks like not.) He, at the bottom of his heart, does not seem to be a bad guy, and he has some serious baggage, that he is trying to treat himself with this new life and gets the occasional unintentional help. Will be interesting how his own inhibitions and knowledge about all the bad things of himself bring him on the road to serious betterment. But then also. He is already entirely, totally hopelessly horny cringe.

Loop 7-kaime no Akuyaku Reijou wa, Moto Tekikoku de Jiyuu Kimama na Hanayome Seikatsu wo Mankitsusuru a.k.a. 7th Time Loop ch31: (That's the chapter about Arnold and Rishe talking about the ring, once it was delivered). I wanted to scream at Arnold and Rishe rocks with giving him a piece of her mind like that and also totally underestimates the amount of heart flutter she gets into when she goes and gives the man such a free pass to court her. A very wide load of good faces.

Intoxicated East Wind, Iron Cock, August 15h, Feng Yu Jiu Tian: Stuff from the artist of How to Survive as a Villain's webtoon from some 10 years prior. You know when you like one thing of somebody and then go check out the rest? And then you find out it's dubCon, nonCon, rapey, horny porny whatevers and melp. And by the translator's note from August 15th, apparantely that title is some slang euphemism for buttocks. Because the moon is the roundest on that date, so it's the perfect moon so it's buttocks. I'm like what? The art also look nowhere nearly as good as the artist is able to be pull off in How to Survive as a Villain. I wonder if they are going to have some new work. Couldn't find anything from after its end in 2022.

Don't Call Me Daddy: Nice to have some adult characters there. Like adult and then elderly. And how homophobia has wrecked their life, but it's not even the main theme. Again some discussion about different sorts of wants, but uh, the one that solves that one was that guy getting... a boner from a kiss? Huh. What would ye have done, if he didn't? (Well probably that would have been an entirely different story I guess...)

Domestic na Kanojo v5-8: Collection of notes made upon/right after reading the vols:

v5: Let's continue the exhibition of the worst of cheese afflictions. But I did not see that escalation downwards coming... okay, cheese affliction puts other people into danger, both intentionally and unintentionally... Actually the latter case is even worse as it is a danger of livelihood one... ....... ok, wait, isn't this already sexual harrassment now???

v6: Just go for them both already, those sisters don't even look like they'd mind it that much.

v7: Your cheese affliction is gonna ruin your life.

v8: So, now we have blackmail, coercion, extortion and a kidnapping as well as faking somebody's identity without their knowledge nor permission. Alright….

….. this however

(Title: How to recover, panel 1: My humble self has a bun, panel 4: RESSURECTED, the bun: HAND OVER THE SNACKS)

.............. is just some supreme truth out of complete nowhere.

Are You Okay with a Slightly Older Girlfriend? Ch2.4-16.1: I thought this was called into quesitonability because of the age gap and at the beginning I had some qualms, because she is outright deceiving him, but that gets wrapped up quickly enough and then I thought it was just gonna be cheese with age unsecurities, but I suppose if those massive boobs didnt alrealy make an indication, this thing's just way to much flaunting them and playing the horniness bits in way too much of an extremely.... kinda dumb way. With a tint of seriously thinking about these issues. (Also mentions of kink and no shaming allowed there, that sister knows how to enforce authority.) And that makes it both hard to outright drop, but also a pain to suffer though...

Brundhild v1-2: Volume 1, 'Dragon Slayer" is a revenge story out of titular Brunhild's love for the gentle and wise dragon, who is killed, gone haywire. She does all her misdeeds wholly aware for what they are and how innocents are getting in the crossfires and how it'll land her in hell - where she can never be together with the dragon again who went to paradise and had very much warned her to not go for revenge when he fully knew he was gonna get slain. She… is kinda, well, yandere isn't the right word, but she definitely is very much badly obsessed by things and worst she knows it herself, that the one she loves doesn't want it and still doesn't stop. I can't say I was wowed, but maybe that's partly because I read it in French and for the second half I was in deadline before expiry pressure and forced it though without looking up a bunch of words I wasn't too sure of. It feels pretty conclusive, so volume 2 'Dragon Princess' at first was incredibly confusing, with it having a Brunhild as a MC again and also some other guy having the same name as v1 Brunhild's brother. And suddenly the dragon is an evil one. Was wondering, if it was some sort of reincarnation next life plot, but then the personality of the characters are very different. Eventually it turns out to be a prequel. V1's Brunhild and her brother were names after the characters of v2 who lived centuries before them and in her family those famous names were often bestowed to children again. V2 I think is pretty good, interesting characters, has some more side characters, very good world building, again a love story but it's entirely different, also very much different ending and lore and it twists your expectations for the world coming from v1 and then actually winds up explaining v1's worldbuilding, which in v1 I thought that outside of the dragon island on its own was, uh, kinda, yeah, it's sorts of just there?

V2 also has a side character who suffers from not feeling love of any kind and having little empathy. Yet he is not entirely unfeeling either and he can be very much devoted looking much the part almost as if there was love. It looks a lot like it's the usual story about yeah and then this magnificent awe inspiring good natured lady is gonna make him find those traits again. It ultimately does not play out this trope the way you'd expect and I thought that it had the galls to do that was downright courageous.

[kitausuret]

FOR whenever you reblog the “choose violence” ask game at the end of the month: Answer the questions in sequence order of MK’s grocery shopping trips in March

This was asked of me like literally a month ago but I kept scheduling the post for later and later. But here we go.

1. The character everyone gets wrong

(Spectacular Spider-Man #151, Conway & Buscema)

Well, this isn't hard - obviously my answer is going to be Flash Thompson. I don't know why it's apparently so difficult - he's not really that complicated of a character. Not compared to a lot of Marvel mainstays. But so many people either make him JUST a bully or JUST a hoo-rah America military man. And by that I mean both fans and canon writers. But Flash contains so many multitudes! He's worked in schools, he's a mentor, he's a coach, he's charisma incarnate, he has so many ways he can help people. And I love him.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

Uhhh I'm not gonna do this with an image because I don't save these kinds of things lol. But I did once see a long post (and I mean lengthy) describing in detail - mind you, withOUT actually giving any canon evidence or issues or really anything to back up their argument - why Eddie Brock nor the Venom Symbiote should ever be shipped with anyone else, ADDITIONALLY stating that if you were to, say, add another person to that relationship, that you fundamentally are misunderstanding the whole point of """"symbrock"""" and, largely, Venom as a concept. Uh-huh. Okay.

Hilariously, after I saw that post, it stuck with me but it also spurned me into such a RAGE that I cranked out a massive new chapter of my fic in the space of about two weeks after being stuck for months. It worked, but boy I was so mad about that. I took that kinda personally. Insinuating that I didn't understand Venom. That I didn't understand Eddie Brock. Bull fucking shit.

Anyways,

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I don't remember specifically the last person I blocked that wasn't a bot, but I do know that I will block people in the Flash Thompson and Harry Osborn tags at the drop of a hat. ...oh wait! I do remember the last person I blocked. They had some octogoblin thing they were going on about but they had put it in the Harry tag. I didn't wanna see that. So. Blocked!

10. worst part of fanon

Wow, loaded question. Probably the racism. And the misogyny. Both of which are still rampant! It's something I, myself, am still trying to work on, so it's not like I'm excluded from my own frustration. But I think what's even worse is people who pretend like it's NOT a problem, that fandom is a magical problem-free space.

I'm also just now realizing that the question says fanon and not fandom but I think my statement still stands. To try and actually answer it though, uhhh I think the worst thing about fanon is when it literally becomes canon. Stop doing that, Big Two.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I wanna talk about something here but I don't wanna scandalize too many of my followers. Actually you know what fuck it I'm gonna talk about it anyways. (mpreg mention below the cut)

I don't understand why so many people in the Venom fandom make fics where the host (Eddie, because nobody writes about anyone else) is the one going through the gestational cycle when there is a new spawn rather than the symbiote. It is literally so much funnier and also makes so much more sense to make the symbiote the pregnant one. "but kita it's can-" SHUT UP THE SYMBIOTE WAS THE PREGNANT ONE (it's called "choose violence" asks for a reason 💖)

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Uhhhh see above! Racism. Misogyny. Possibly lesbophobia. Mostly for the denial of it all. But I also find a lot of ship discourse nonsensical. If you don't like it, just block! Mute! Filter! It's literally that easy.

30 doesn't exist so I will. Idk. I will give you a panel from an issue labeled 30. Let's go with Venom #30 (Bunn, Silas) and this very funny moment of the symbiote flirting with Valkyrie. 😂

[possumteeths]

2022 Writing Wrap Up

Tagged by: @screwyouflightlieutenant (thanks for thinking of me! 💖)

Total words published: 308,920 (christ???)

Additional words written:

Im gonna ballpark and say maybe 150 k other words with additional projects that arent fanfic lol (as well as fanfic wip)

Grand Total of Words: 458k ish?

Fandoms:

Various horror movies, Dragon age, Fallout, Mass effect, RDR, the boys

Highest Everything (raw kudos, hits, comments):

Unsurprisingly, its my the Boy chaptered fic Love Me Cancerously, This blew tf up and I really didn't expect it to. It is SO cool that other people like this not great movie and are so down for this rollercoaster i've been writing.

Highest Kudos to Hits Ratio:

It's still my Brahms fic, and the runner up is ANOTHER Brahms fic but that one's a oneshot.

New Things I Tried:

x readers! I never really liked reading or writing x readers ever until recently. I really like second person as a device and I just refuse to acknowledge things that use like blanks or the Y/N device lol. Realizing this totally changed the way I like to write. I think second person is excellent for storytelling. Leaving the reader insert extremely vague and writing from the perspective of the character is SO fun.

Fic I Spent The Most Time On:

Love Me Cancerously AGAIN lol. Usually I just kinda write things in one go, but for this fic I put it through multiple stages of editing.

Favorite Thing I Wrote:

This completely nonsensical fallout raider gangbang. I rarely enjoy reading or writing OC x OC works, but I really unlocked something in my brain with this fic. I am so in love with the characters, they still live in my head. I wanted it to be SILLY DUMB and it was just so much fun to write. This is the most "me" I think of anything I've ever written, and I fully just went balls to the wall ridiculously porny and it was so much fun.

Favorite Thing I Read:

dude ANYTHING by my buddy @ventiswampwater (here's her ao3) every single one of her fics make me INSANE. We have such similar ideas of characterization for this DUMB movie that for some reason we're obsessed with. I love cerebral poetic weirdo porn I just consume everything she's done over and over again. Seriously some of the best x readers i've ever come across.

@some27-url 's Deacon X SS series, I cant get ENOUGH of this fucked up dynamic. I gush on and on about this and I dont want to be annoying but I cannot shut up about how much I love this series

OH! This Yautja harem x OC work I found, literally I've never had the patience for LONG LONG fics before but I honestly wish there was MORE of this. I loved!! the characters and everyone involved, the story was so smutty and good. You dont need to know shit about predator lore this fic may as well be its own story. This fanfic is better than any smutty xenophilia/monsterfuckery romance book that i've ever read.

@brimbrimbrimbrim 's Vigilante x reader fic was so much fun, characterized SO well. It was silly fun and I loved it hahaha like I love this author but this fic really stuck out to me hahaha.

Writing goals for 2023:

I'd like to just bite the bullet and submit to publications as well as random magazine challenges or whatever else. I often debate whether I should or shouldnt for so long that I then miss the deadline for the actual challenge lmao! I submitted to a few horror magazines as well as some poems to indie publications asking for submissions this year but I'd like to just submit as much as I possibly can because fuck it y'know. This year, I got ONE poem selected to be in a book and then it was actually removed from the eventual publication coming out in 2023 so like... lmao?

New Works:

I've actually been editing my short story horror anthology off and on, cleaning it up and formatting it and all the boring shit. I'm looking to trad pub or at least submit certain stories to challenges. I'm also hoping to saddle up and adapt my raider gangbang fanfic into a more developed story that I'll eventually KDP publish. As for fanfics, I've got SO many fkn horror baddies x readers in the works rn, and like 21u314398240 90% done fanfics that I just need to edit and publish to ao3 lol.

tagging: @some27-url @gaeadene (girl I gotta know how many words u uploaded this year LOL) @ventiswampwater @korblez @wolfbirbisme @flaggermuser @butterbabyflapjack

Happy new year yall! Lets go full nuts and write WHATEVER ur silly lil heart desires. I declare this year the year of balls to the wall FUCK IT on ao3 lmfao

[minisugakoobies]

2022 End of the Year Recap

rules : post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

Thank you for the tags @reliablemitten @btsgotjams27 @kkulfm-2 @the-boy-meets-evil 💕

5 works I'm proud of:

Gonna cheat a bit and put my 12 Lays of Kinkmas fics as one choice - I'm pretty proud that I managed to bang out 28K in less than a month and ended up with 12 different fics

Versus: It's by far my least popular series on tumblr but it's the one that is closest to my heart - my love letter to comic books and supervillain stories 💜

And They Were Roommates!: I branched out more into mxm this year. I really love the dynamic here between Joon and Jimin.

Sorry I Motorboated You: It's sheer nonsense. I'm glad everyone got a kick out of it.

Covert Affairs: Still super proud of this one, how it just flowed out of me so quickly, unfolding like a movie in my mind. Made me realize just how much I love writing action scenes!

4 WIPs I'm excited about:

I have sooooo many WIPs, y'all 😭 I'm not including any ongoing series/sequels here, just brand new ideas/fics I'm excited about:

Down and Out: part of the Room for Rent collab. Boxer!Jimin is going to be angsty af, y'all. Also features a supremely devilish JK.

Untitled YoonJin fic: part of a yet-to-be announced collab. Basic plot is E2L warlock Yoongi vs vampire Jin.

Untitled Stoner!Hobi fic: can't stop won't stop with this agenda

Untitled Yoongi fic: I really don't want to give too much away about this one, but I'm planning a possible new series (haven't decide if it will be a big oneshot or series) that I'm going to start writing after I finish my current series… all I'll say is the idea was sparked by Everything Everywhere All At Once

3 biggest improvements:

I'm terrible at questions like these. I don't think my writing has gotten any better - but I don't think it's gone downhill either? I think it's fine. But I guess if I must:

Focusing less on perfection - I don't spend as much time fretting over what I've written now, I just kinda write it and throw it out there. Either people will like it or not. I'm trying not to spend hours rereading a piece, looking for ways to improve it, but it's a hard habit to break.

Letting myself get sillier if the fic calls for it

Incorporating new genres/kinks into my fics

Top 2 resolutions:

Stop letting note counts get to me (an eternal resolution)

Stop comparing myself to other writers (another eternal one)

Number 1 line written this year:

“Oh, Jesus!” 

“No,” Jungkook says, thrusting again, and again, faster and faster, “Jungkook.” 

That's a dumb throwaway line from Joyride that makes me laugh so much. Like 75% of my writing is just that - dumb jokes I've written solely to crack myself up. 🤣

I feel like I'm behind on this one, so I'm only going to tag a few writers: @herecomesjoon @sugalaritae @thatlongspringnight @augustbutwinter @bangtanintotheroom sorry if you've already been tagged! No pressure as always 💕

[annyankers]

I would love to hear more about your Angel !!

oKAY SO ANGEL

his tag on here is angel (train’s version) for reference. also my old rp blog for him is @aithrioch which has some things like headcanons and aesthetics.

Okay gonna make an effort to not repeat myself though I also can’t completely remember what I’ve already said so B)

More emphasis on his time homeless. Like it’s brought up in more when it makes sense and it becomes especially important in ATS and becomes a point of bonding and discussion between him and Gunn.

Dating Buffy is probably his biggest lapse in judgement since wandering into an alley to get laid in the 1700s and it shows. Like he walked in knowing this was a bad idea, saw every red flag and did it anyway. It’s not a reemergence of Angelus behavior it’s Peak Liam Nonsense and it’s left his relationship and feelings towards Buffy very complex and fucked. I think from like BTVS S4/ATS S1 on his primary feeling towards her isn’t really love but guilt. Guilt over how much he fucked up her life and not just as Angelus but you know, as an adult engaging romantically with a teen.

Angelus has more of a Hannibal Lector vibe.

Heavy substance abuse in BTVS as part of coping. When we see him in btvs he’s literally JUST stopped living on the streets in the Depths of Despair. So in btvs S1-2 he’s smoking and drinking heavily to try and make it through another moment on this bitch of an earth. The drinking isn’t as obvious an issue until Buffy’s with him more. Ironically angelus drinks and smokes a normal ass amount because he’s not Lamenting and angel stops doing both in s3 since you know.... fresh outta hell and all that. don’t worry he’s back to chain smoking when he gets into ATS lol. It becomes a Running Issue with him and his Very Human and Lung Dependent Staff.

He listens to the smiths, the cure and similar music. He’s that kinda person. yes. also still listens to barry mannilow. he’s a man of many facets.

He’s Very Normal about Darla. So Normal.

Angel(us) has a Complex around his visual age and how it tends mean that he isn’t given much respect. Part of what fueled his actions back in the day was clout building so he’d get some fucking respect and stop being treated like a baby faced loser.

Circling back to the Buffy thing he realizes in ATS S2 that he perpetuated the cycle of abuse/grooming with her that Darla perpetuated on him. Because Darla 10000% groomed and manipulated him.

Darla and Angel have a Louis and Lestat vibe (but like..... more the new series version of them you know????)

Falls back into Catholicism after his time in hell for the comfort of it. he was born in 1700s Ireland where church was the center of life and Catholicism is like, the most ritualistic version of Christianity. It’s the familiarity and ritual/schedule of it that are comforting/helpful for him, less so the religious stuff. Even so ats needed more catholic stuff in it. Catholic ideology is a staple of angel’s thinking, the bedrock of it really. Literally all this shit about sin and redemption and shit is so aggressively catholic. He’s literally out here looking for a priest who can tell him how many Hail Marys he needs to say to atone for the Atrocities.

Is actually very jealous of Spike later into BTVS/ATS. When Spike’s hanging out with the Scoobies n shit just fine because Spike’s capable of that kind of interaction without a soul while Angel has one and still struggles with it. It’s one of the few things in which he gets jealous of Spike over, how easy it is for him to straddle the soul/morality/dark impulse control chasm. Like it’s very unlikely he’d ever say it out loud or tell the Scoobies but Angel knows just how difficult chip or no chip some vampires would find it to be even remotely civil let alone actually work with them. it frustrates him endlessly that Spike has it so easy.

Yes even as Angel he DOES have an EGO.

Angel(us) is just a metric ton of complexes in a trenchcoat. ATS is just a guided tour through them.

In my brain he’s a mix of Marcus from Deadly Class, Stefan from The Vampire Diaries and Hannibal Lector from the Movies and Shows. Along with some Columbo and Stock Lovecraft Protagonist for flavor.

He’s so pretentious, so lifeless and pallid. He’s like a drive thru attendant with an MFA in fine arts during a graveyard shift.

okay this is all I’m doing on this for now as opposed to the fucking NOVEL for Xander because I don’t have the energy/brain power for it now and if I waited for that to happen to write another novel it could be another 80 years lol

[chronically-caffeinated]

I normally do personal posts in tags but idk personal nonsense under the cut

Fuckin. God yeah getting hit with big emotions today and guess have been for the last while. Last few months have been chaos in kind of a good way and I haven't had too much time to just stop and sit and think and idk I'm here kind of reflecting on the last year and where I was and where I am and just like fuck man I feel good I guess. Melancholy. Reflecting on some dumb shit that happened last year and like. Fuck yeah I sure did wind up in a whirlwind of god damn terrible emotions and self loathing and tried to escape by throwing myself into sex and drugs and alcohol and parties and just anything to get myself away and just fuckin feel like I was anything. I don't know what I'm saying last summer was absolute dogshit and I did some shitty things. Like damn I sure did land an assault charge and have spent the last year paying off my lawyer and attending mandatory parole. It sure did fuck me over financially and amalgamate with all my other drama and anxiety and depression and just like idk fuck I sure as hell did try and take my own life last year and damn do I sure as hell feel pretty stable these days. I don't feel scared that I'm gonna get me anymore. I don't feel like a monster that's trying to hunt myself down and finish the job any time anything goes wrong. I'm not scared of snapping and making another attempt. I've put in a lot of work to getting myself where I am and had a lot of help from a lot of really great people (if you're reading this you probably know who you are there's a few of you here that helped me immensely) like yeah idk just grappling with an major identity crisis and substance abuse and self harm and shit. But idk were kinda past it we're getting professional help and working through things and rebuilding in a new city for the third time and it feels like my life is getting to where I want it. I've got plans in place to get myself where I want to go and I'm doing my best to act on them and really improve things and shit like we've been succeeding. I like my life right now. Can honestly truly say I like me right now. I like who I've become and the people I've surrounded myself with. For the first time like ever I'm excited to get old. See where life takes me. I'm all emotional and shit I just needed to get this all out of my head I don't really have a point here or know what I'm talking about I'm just emotional but doing good I guess