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i miss the mass toxic yaoi bait of revenge of the island sometimes
#half joking but not really. but like...... Scike is kind of dunhar for people whos revenge of the island was action#Sorry i dont know what i meant by that#I need to be put down.#tdart#td scike#total drama#td scott#td mike#king's gambit au#<- cause i guess it could fit in that
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Did I accidently write more than just a few lines of dialogue for this scene?... *shyly fumbling with fingers* 🥹👉👈 maybe...
Sorry, I suck at words and this isn't betaread nor properly proofread and I am not native english, I'm very sorry in advance...
full story down below
(Chappel Roan - Love me Anyway)
(Benson Boone - Slow it Down)
"VICE-CAPTAIN!!!!"
The tiny moving plush-like thing in his hand apparently started screaming as well now.
"WHY ALWAYS MEEE!?!?"
What looked like the chibi mini-version of the Defence Force's biggest trump card, struggled to hold on his thumb, kicking around those little feet of his.
"Well, now I'm quite curious abut THAT story..."
"I CAN'T TURN BACK AND I AM T I N Y !!! (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )"
"I see that... How'd you even get in here?"
Tiny #8 stopped fidgeting a bit. Instead two unproportionally big round dark eyes goggled at him. It was undeniably adorable to look at. "Well after THIS happened, I couldn't grab my phone on the table anymore, so I ran around to find someone, but I figured Narumi and Kikoru would very likely take advantage of my situation and do something stupid with me."
"Oh yeah, they definitely would and I get why, honestly."
"So I ran around to find you, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BIG THE 1st DIVISION IS, WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS, OK?! And then I saw the slightly opened window and just crawled in... ༼☯﹏☯༽"
"Wait... you know where my temporary place in the 1st Division is located? Why?"
"....Coincidence? (*゚ー゚) "
He sighed. "Well just when you think you saw everything...Kafka Hibino enters the stage..."
"SIR, WHAT SHOULD I DO?? WHY ARE THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME??"
"you really want me to answer that, bud?", he barely tried to hide the undertone of his voice, which left the small creature on the palm of his hand baffled for a second.
"Wha-? HEY, MEAN!! What are you on about!?"(>д<)
"Yeah, maybe, I don't know STOP CHANGING in general, like I told you f.ex.. or maybe stick to your training routine without going OVERBOARD on a regular basis? How 'bout that?"
The big dark round eyes got even bigger with every word spoken.
"Yeah, don't look at me like that, I might coincidently got wind of stuff, you know?"
His unexpectedly open and emotional response threw Kafka off. For a second he forgot about his *tiny* main problem, his mind jumped between confused and worried and he couldn't comprehend with his reaction for now. After some awkward seconds in silence, Hoshina's tone grew significantly calmer, but still sort of off to his usual self-assured expression. "Well at least this time you're actually telling me about stuff that bothers you, huh?"
Silence again. While hanging from the palm of his Vice-Captain's hand Kafka realized something (besides his size) was different. His senses grew more aware of his surroundings to find answers.
"Are... are you drunk, sir?"
Besides the slight scent of alcohol in the air, and the - well quite obvious - bottle of sake on the table, the startled twitch on his face confirmed Kafka's guess was right. Other than the sake the only other thing on the table were some snacks. Another odd thing to Kafka, who was used to see Hoshina's surroundings stuffed with documents, loose papers, books and other work related things.
The silence lingered around them uncomfortably. To Kafka's suprise Hoshina was seemingly struggling with words. A look on his face Kafka couldn't remember seeing before. Now his mind definitely jumped to 'worried'.
Hoshina tried to mimic an insulted face and looked away. "A little tippsy at most... I'm off-duty for tonight.." Besides the slightly blushed nose and cheeks, Kafka now noticed some dark circles under red eyes. "..and despite my gut telling me better, I assumed I probably won't be needed anymore today, and that I could hang loose a little. It's not my Division after all, there's another Captain and Vice-Captain in charge here. So I might as well make use of that chance... Should have known, it would end up that way or another.. " He smiled a bit and Kafkas felt like his heart clenching from the sight. "Although I definitely should have placed my bet on YOU to be the reason for that." He chuckled lightly, while his expressions grew somewhat softer.
"I'm sorry, Sir."
"Nah, it's fine. As if I didn't get used to your-"
"I never put much thought to it, but ever since the Defence Force started preparing for the big counter attack on #9 your workload must've at least doubled in the 3rd and 1st Division.. and here I am still taking over the rest of your time as well..."
"Don't like where this is going, officer... You're not starting pitying me, are ya?"
"No I-...I just feel like.. I didn't realize, and there for not appreciated your work enough.." Silence. "And also.." The tiny kaiju had his look glued to the floor in front of him for a while now. "I know you told me to brush it off earlier but,... I truly regret ... not telling you about... #8 n'stuff.. I'm sorry... I'd change that if I could.."
A small plushy-sized Kaiju was gently put back on the ground again. Hoshina scratched his nose for a second, before bending far back to the other side of the room. He grabbed for his smartphone that was burried in piles of carelessly pushed aside documents.
"As I said. You're here now, aren't ya?" When he got his phone he chose to stay laid down on the floor and started typing something on the lightened screen.
A tiny transformed Kafka carefully made his way around and walked up on eye-level with Hoshina's face again. Once again overwhelmed by his current state of being, he let himself fall back on the floor and sat on the ground. "So... what should I do?"
"The first thing WE do is trying to make some calls. But since you seem to be in no life-threatening condition, we might have to wait 'till tomorrow for a first medical examination. If that's the case you'll stay, and I get you down to the lab first thing in the morning."
"Wait!" The tiny Kaiju made a suprisingly far jump right up to Hoshina's chest and pressed the (for him very big) red hang-up button on the screen with both paws. "You're right about that, I won't die this second from being tiny, so we might as well wait for tomorrow."
The questioning look on the opposite's face made a tiny Kafka look away and scratch his neck shyly. "Well, since you're ... I dunno,... I feel like, I can't have you be seen d-dru- .. like this by other officials of the 1st Division, b-because of me..."
A finger poked his forehead, which caused a tiny being like him to fall right back landing on warm soft fabric of Hoshina's shirt.
"Idiot. But you might be right about that."
#kn8#kaiju no 8#fanart#kafka hibino#soshiro hoshina#kafhoshi#kafhoshi pls come and calm my mind#I don't know why but I get a thing out of slightly fed up Hoshina.. he would never actually be pissed at kafka tho#but I always thought like.. boy this man can't have that much energy / caffeine for all the stuff he is responsible for at#and I love storylines that could theoretically fit into canon#went through my pile of shame aka. WIPs I abandoned#tried working on some and failed#sticked to this one then.#mediocre happy with both text and fanart#guess its because of my mood tho#I had some weird days I tell ya...#ADHD problems all the way#like i broke a piece of my tooth AND my car lol the irony#there would be days I'll handle these things better but I'm very much ignoring my problems rn#my dad felt the need to help out his “little girl” once more and took care of the car for me#I'm really thankful for it but at the same time I feel horrible 'cause I'm like 31 ;_; I should handle my own sht rn n I feel like I can't#also my HAND is ITCHING for DAYS#these are the most unreasonable and confusing tags right here sry#I'm sure I'll laugh about it in a few months looking back at it (´◡`)#icy's art
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there's nothing orym would ask of the other hells that he wouldn't do himself, which is sort of the problem, really
#critical role#cr spoilers#orym of the air ashari#bells hells#if you don’t have a homegrown curse you can use to your advantage (moon powers) storebought is fine (deal with a hag)!#and its not even sunk cost fallacy or feeling like he needs to make the deal worth it i think. this is just what he feels is necessary#and its his own self worth and the value he places on his own life vs the importance of this cause. reflected back on the others#how the rest of the hells have adopted this mindset but with wavering conviction and doubt - not really fitting quite right#while it fits orym like a glove. bc that's who he is. it's what he's been taught. bc this conflict is his past and his present#and as far as he's considered it. his future!#me this morning: i will not get back into orymposting. orymposting is the mind killer.#me now:#eta: i guess this could be disputed by him saying fearne would have to be the one to take imogen out pre-solstice.#but i've always seen that as a purely practical 'who would actually be capable of doing this' issue as opposed to sentimentality.#he was fully ready to cut dorian in exu. however he may feel about the act his resolve is not an issue!
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Hitchhiker
[>> continued below the cut]
[Insert "A corpo and a nomad walk into a desert" joke here].
ölakshdfasjfhdsdfh hi, I'm Elven, and I'm becoming increasingly addicted to making longass VP comics uwu (and loving every second of it, let's be real XD)
This one has been on my "wanna do" list forever - or at the very least since @pinkyjulien trusted me with his boy 💛 Thank you so much for letting me take Valentin on some unexpected adventures!!
The thing is, I had always wondered if and how these two could ever meet (and also if they could ever become friends, because let's be honest, they're from very different worlds.... or are they 👀 alköasdhfdf I'm already saying too much, there is a part two that will follow in a separate post, but I'll link it below once it's here)
[Part Two - now here :D]
But yes!! Nothing better than fateful meetings at unexpected times :D And I hope I'll have Vince as an NPV somewhere down the line as well to send him on some adventures of his own!
Also, some BTS from a while ago for everyone who read this far:
Very sus
Short, colorful rattail kings 🤌
#cyberpunk 2077#Cyberpunk2077#cp2077#cyberpunk vp#cp2077 vp#virtual photography#cyberpunk photomode#cyberpunk v#male v cyberpunk#vincent ezaki#valentin da silva#I have so many thoughts that I'm incapable of putting into wooorrdssss#Vince 100% utilizing the 'hiding my intentions behind my cool sunglasses' tactic#and talking his ass of and being so fucking nice and friendly while internally he's actually shitting himself#cause Val could be ANYONE with whatever intentions!#also love that Val makes him pay for the trip bc of his corpo-looking rich ass vibes xDD#this fit is not how you don't draw attention to yourself in the Badlands#also knowing Dakota and having the braincell to mention her is also more luck than intention as he doesn't know of Val's bg with her#just a lucky guess - but he's only really at ease when he sees the Aldecaldos decal while already inside the car#looking in carefully for anything sus before getting in and all
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If Seven have water bending powers, Six soul eating powers and Mono space-time powers what would Raincoat Girl powers would be
oOOOO see, I thought about this quite a bit for the past week. I don't think Raincoat girl's powers will come up in Channel Change, so I'll share my headcanon here.
Raincoat girl I've always called "Five" though I've considered calling her "Quinn" (or even "Cinc") sometimes to not be so obviously a number, kind of like Mono's naming scheme. But I don't think the name Quinn would stick with the fandom as well as "Five" would...
To me, Five would have the ability to change her size at will. (Typically shrink, but only when she gets more powerful later she will learn how to enlarge herself.) She may also have the ability the manipulate the sizes of objects, people, or animals around her.
My evidence: 1. "VERY LITTLE Nightmares" game title 2. The Nest is more like a giant doll house, and she's surrounded by children turned into dolls 3. Each collectible has something to do with the children's powers. She collects Jack-in-the-boxes; children's toys that had been made in France as little "Demon-in-the-boxes". A tiny puppet pops out to surprise/scare the person playing its music because typically, no one would expect a creature to be compressed in something so small.
Six is a soul eater. She can suck the souls out of adults for sustenance. She can suck the youth out of children, turning them into nomes so that she may remain immortal. She may have the ability to teleport through shadows. She may or may not also have the ability to create shadow proxy children?
Mono is a space-time manipulator. He can travel through time and teleport elsewhere through TVs. He can leave behind imprints of children and also reabsorb them? He has minor to major telekinesis and draws in the attention of those around him.
Seven has hydrokinesis. He can physically manipulate water. He can create air pockets to breathe underwater. If he concentrates, he can also control the water inside someone's body including his own. This proves difficult when trying to lift others, but his body is the easiest to control, giving the illusion that he's floating on air.
Five/Quinn is a size shifter. She can shrink at will to crawl through small spaces like a mouse; to get into hidden rooms or to avoid being caught. She can also enlarge herself at will and has the ability the manipulate thse sizes of objects, people, or animals around her. But this requires heavy concentration to do so.
#very little nightmares have some inconsistencies with its plot layout and canon#but u cant blame them because it was made by a different company#and Tarsier got too big for its britches when it started out#resulting in the cancelled tv show and comics quite early on#so theres a lot of confusion on the canon and what is actually going on in the series#especially with the intro of LN2 and the issue surrounding TVs#the inconsistency i noticed was that Five's nightmare is about locking out Six and Six is banging on the door to be let in#but Five doesn't fear Six#Six is not the one to cause Five's death its the pretender#I mean i guess you could look at it like Five locked herself in a room- aka a box? like the jack in the boxes?#thus???? a hint to her power? but its a stretch#thats why its not a fourth reason in my evidence list#anyway- I still think a size shifter is very fitting for Five- I really wish we knew more about her#Little nightmares#little nightmares 2#very little nightmares#LN six#LN mono#LN seven#LN five#the runaway kid#the raincoat girl#text post
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She was the night wolf. But only when she dreamed. (The Blind Girl, ADWD) "The hour of the wolf. The blackest part of night, when all the world's asleep." (The Kingbreaker, ADWD)
Thinking thoughts...It's the longest, darkest hour of the night, Arya is the Night Wolf + Dark Heart, it's the time when "the world's asleep" and Arya wargs into Nymeria and the leader of a giant pack of wolves while sleeping, and it's likely she'll reunite with Nymeria right before the long night...
#arya stark#and it being the the hour before dawn...#corn plate moment or no y'all? cause I see the vision 🤭#It just fits so well? like Arya being the Night Wolf alone is enough for me to make the connection and run with it#also the hour of the wolf being an actual historical event denoting Cregan Stark's time in King's Landing?#reminds me of Harwin kneeling to Arya at the Inn of the Kneeling Man...Arya really stacking up historical references#The Lady of Winterfell-ism is just so strong in her chapters and connections how can I not say Queen#/a time for wolves/ was actually about Arya Nymeria their pack and her becoming a leader in the North (and I'm only half joking)#also feel like this could be tangentially related to Jon via the /Black Bastard's heart/ reference + him waking at the hour of the wolf +#his connection to the Others and the North + foreshadowing for KITN...could be a hint of his resurrection#or it could be nothing and I'm just overthinking things but I've seen a lot flimsier theories so 🤷🏾♀️#twow speculation#?? I guess
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WIP FRIDAY
I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.
BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!
I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.
The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.
Enjoy!!
—————
“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”
“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.
“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”
Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.
Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”
Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.
“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”
“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.
“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.
Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.
“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.
It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.
“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”
The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.
“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.
#ref for fic#BE AWARE THIS IS DISCUSSING INTENTIONAL BUT UNWILLING STARVATION#tw starvation#just in case#cause I know not everyone vibes with this story#and I’ll say it’s been weird myself returning to these segments I wrote months ago and re-reading them#AND TO BE MORE CAREFUL I talk about a personal situation sort of dealing with this below#a lot has happened in the timeframe of originally writing this and coming back to this#at the end of fall I got very very sick and it lasted well into February#I unwillingly shed thirty-five pounds because I could not eat#and I didn’t notice at all until I stopped and realized just how tight I had to make my work belt#even when family members pointed it out during the holidays when they’d hug me#it wasn’t until someone got very concerned and did something about it that I realized just how bad it was#I’m sure people remember when I mentioned I had gastritis#that’s what all this was I just never really went into detail about how bad it truely was here#so coming back and reading this segment specifically#having written it months before I went through any of this#felt really really weird and a little uncomfortable#I edited Akari’s accusations a little to fit my situation more about a month back#because I did not realize just how much more stuff like this would make you want to sleep#at least in my experience#but it’s been very very just#strange I guess coming back to this#it doesn’t make me want to not work on HFBE anymore it just feels very weird
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#anime#manga#vanitas no carte#vnc#the case study of vanitas#lord ruthven#august ruthven#hear me out ! ruthven is one of the most intriguing characters to me#despite being portrayed as an antagonist i can't really see him completely fitting into that role / ruthven's actions are ambiguous#yea yeah he's a manipulative mf and is doing bad things now but i don't think that's what it's all about#i believe ruthven is being controlled by something (?) through his right eye and has no much choice in that matter#in the scene where ruthven tried to put a curse on chloe he looks almost shocked when he realizes what he was doing#he also spoke to someone who wasn't there and it seemed to be an act of desperation / even though the war was already over (?) by that time#the eye shows him terrible things ever since the war (and the betrayal that i'm not sure if really happened or was staged to trick him)#i think the continuous trauma the eye causes on him shaped him to be a colder and more cruel person#the opposite of what his original self showed to be (someone more like noe in beliefs and world view)#i guess he truly believes he's doing this for the sake of vampires / that idea of “sacrifices will be necessary for the greater good”#this could explain the alliance w charlatan who seeks to find a way to create more vampires (moreau's research) & rewrite the world formula#also it's clear that ruthven has a distorted view of vampire's malnomen (what caused that? what he saw in the war?)#both for his speech referring to luca's brother “salvation takes many forms (...)” and for the way he uses his own curse on others#until now we know he cursed queen faustina / jeanne / noe (i doubt he would betray the queen without a reason)#maybe his right eye is a malnomen he considers now as a form of freedom / or maybe that allowed him to finally see the “truth”#and yet i think his character is constantly questioning himself about it (in a very sutil way)#(e.g. when he listens noe talk about his ideals / when he sees jeanne dressed like a normal girl after her date)#in these moments we can see him falter a little bit and his expression changes to something more soft and genuine / introspective and sad#the curse he put on noe i think it has more than 1 purpose: 1)trump card against teacher 2)to not kill noe as monsieur spider had demanded#at first i thought it might be for naenia get noe's true name but if that were the case she would have done it by now#and in that moment naenia regained her form for a brief moment in d'apchier mansion and everyone felt her presence#ruthven looked equally surprised so he must not know naenia's true identity either (is he being used?)#lol i could write an essay about vnc... so many tags... lol sry i got carried away!
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Hmm I think Silver cant know about the clones. He would obviously tell Sonic they fucking cloned him like 50 times in the future. Probably more hmmm but also Silver and Razor meeting in the future..... AUGGRHHH
#i would actually love that!!!#like#i think Silver would hate that someone did this to his friend you know#and I think that would be cool!#BUT idk how that could fit into the world because obviously he would tell Sonic and then it would change history i guess but!#the future makes no sense anyway and it's always changi and silver seems to be a constant in it so idk how it would work like#maybe in the ONE newest future he came back to that shit is happening#IDK MANNN#i COULD just have this happen farther in the future#i think it could happen#and like#if razor ever got pulled into the past (???🤔🤔🤔🤔???) Silver would probably be there too cause that's got to be some kind of disturbance#in the timeline#so they could still meet#but if they met on their own just like that they could have like a little established dynamic even if just a little#urghf I'm gonna doodle many things today and think about it#oc razor#idk i enjoy the thought of silver and razor knowing each other but ughhhhhh
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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guess who just found out how to make the dresses fit nishiki way faster :) if anyone wants me to put a specific dress on him lemme know (from yakuzzi series, so i can get the model sahdjk) ... im also tryin the. clothes physics... its a work in progress!
#technically from any game could work#just. a findable model u know. that i can easily find online.#im not there yet where i myself try to make the outfit but... soon probably...#I GUESS I COULD PUT DIFFERENT CLOTHES I JUST GOT EXCITED ABOUT DRESSES#cause i have to make them fit asgdhj#hmmmm#i think somethin more elgant than the two dresses ive done so far might fit him better maybe.... somethin darker?#i dont know. im just. ILL PUT HIM IN ANYTHN#HELL ILL PUT HIM IN THE SHRIMP
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..
#hi back for now bc it's fall break and I'm stuck on campus#trying not to complain about it but I've been having stomach issues for at least the past couple of weeks#it's been acting up since I got here but the past few weeks and specifically the past few days it's become a lot more intense#I made an appointment with the medical clinic here on campus and they're treating me with something for a possible stomach ulcer right now#I have a follow-up in a couple of weeks#I'm struggling to keep on top of all my thoughts and feelings and emotions right now too#which may be causing or compounding the stomach issues. honestly who knows.#all I know for sure rn is that I feel very tired and worn out despite it being fall break#and I wish I didn't feel this way#kinda sad and very tired#it's a perfect opportunity to catch up on school work that I've fallen behind on. and yet I feel completely unable to even think#about school. hhhhh. 🙃#it's been such a hard year guys. and I don't want to complain or wallow but I wish I could just break down have a good cry#or a screaming fit if needed#just get it all out#and then maybe I'd be able to cope a little better#unfortunately I'm not sure that's how it works. so I guess I'm stuck feeling like this for now.
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Going to keep an eye on things while on a newly prescribed medicine for my heart, but occasionally I've been feeling like crying from joy/relief. I didn't know it was possible to live with little to zero chest pain and other issues on a daily basis.
I started feeling its improvements on day 2, and then all day yesterday has been like a literal weight off my chest. Slept a bit for the night, woke up around 4am and I'm just... Breathing so comfortably. I feel relaxed. That feeling of pressure in my chest is hardly there anymore.
This cardiologist said I'd notice changes after just a day or two if it helps. And it's happening!!
Guess it's very much confirming I've had pericarditis for who-knows-how-long. Could've been overlooked since having my cardiac ablation in 2019. Been so freaking rough living with this stuff. All my symptoms were assumed to be part of my WPW Syndrome ('cause the ablation didn't get all of the accessory pathways.) This sort of inflammation can be caused by heart procedures though. -sigh- Why didn't anyone watch out for that or suspect it earlier?
I'll be having a new echo done in a month or two (forgot which appointment date it is among other tests coming up). Crossing my fingers I don't have the pericardia effusion there anymore too if the pericarditis is getting tackled by this new med! 🤞
#for some reason no one could confirm the pericarditis part with all these test and checkups I've done since-#-the WPW diagnosis and emergency procedure in my 2019 hospital stay#everyone assumed my symptoms were from WPW syndrome and that this random bit of fluid around my heart sac was just idiopathic#but this cardiologist I went to on Tuesday questioned me on a few things and got VERY suspicious about my condition#so she took a huuuuge guess of confidence in letting me try a safe dose of some med for pericarditis and other heart diseases#I let myself test that theory too... 'Cause something about my symptoms haven't felt all the fault of my WPW#it's been frustrating for so long man#if this relief and recovery keeps up I might actually get to feel safe exercising again and keeping my heart healthy without pain#I NEED to do physical activity and cardio especially with all the heart diseases that run in the family#but also I genuinely like exercise and wanna do strength training... I've felt so empty and dead inside without my fitness lifestyle I had-#-before my heart problems got so bad at the end of high school#that's how long it's been dude#that in itself is a long story uuughhh#wk speaks#feelings#personal#medicine#physical health#cardiology
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Watching… Little Shop Of Horror… Imagining… Possible cotl au…
#I don’t think I’d make it a legit au. maybe modern theater AU where they’re putting on the show idk#or maybe it would be an actual au#Leshy is Audrey two-#cult of the lamb#I’m sorry Kallamar lovers I think he’d have to be Orin- OR!!! or the Fox! sorry The Fox lovers then-#thinking of how I’ve obviously set it up to be a narilamb au… maybe it will just be a performance they’re doing cause neither of them fit#for Audrey. I guess Lamb could /maybe/ be a Seymour but Nari couldn’t. yeah no I got too ahead of myself not a full on AU#just a theater performance one lmao#my posts#and that’s the tea
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people really love to conveniently forget trans men exist when they talk about feminism. or if they dont they make us out as also part of the problem as if we somehow are able to have the same amount of privilege as cis men. absolutely wild
#“not all men” is a valid statement because its fucking true#like guys. seriously. not every single man is evil#feminism isnt about putting men down its about raising women up to be equal and getting rid of gender inequality#sorry im seeing a massive uptick in people hating on trans men for being men lately and its fucking stupid#like yall are doing a great job at making me feel ashamed to be a man who likes men. awesome thanks guys#i dont normally make posts like this but its been rattling around in my mind for a few days now#its always put out like. all men (trans or not) are Inherently Evil and all women (trans or not) are Inherently Victims#which is absolutely the stupidest shit ive ever seen#and they also leave out anyone who doesnt fit into the man/woman dichotomy. and if they dont its always seen as woman lite#which is also stupid as fuck#not every nb/agender/other person is feminine asshole#anways. case in point. can we stop demonizing masculinity while also discussing the effects of misogyny and the patriarchy please.#because both of those things are very real and very much do hurt people#but im sick of people lashing out at trans men as if the problem magically doesn't affect us anymore because we are men#because guess what! newsflash! it affects trans AND cis men too!!#i shouldnt have to explain it should be obvious but like. im tired man#sorry ill forever be annoyed at women who just hate every single man who dares breathe in their direction because they COULD be an asshole#if you hate someone because of their gender no matter what gender it is i Do Not Trust You#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. replies are off cause i dont want to argue with people i just want to express my opinion
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pd aus you say ... could I perhaps hear about them?
HELLOOOOO heheeghe smiles so wide and evily. i have 2 this particular morning that are GETITNGMEEEEEEEJFJSNTJEKGNNE
the main one that i’ve been brainrotting as of late is the one i plan on posting once i finish hamartia,, but it’s tldr is that it’s like. a sad indie movie from the 2000s sort of vibe and also tide owns an aquarium. SHFNS basically will and vyncent have been working there forever as baristas inside the café there, and dakota decides to apply one day (more as a general aquarium worker though instead of food service) and a lot of shenanigans ensue and ashe + other pd characters play a big role in it ^__^ i can’t say too much about the plot but like the setting is really thought out and it’s based on the general utah area i live by because it’s very very pretty and i think there needs to be more literature set in utah(even if it’s lame podcast fanfiction). it also covers a lot more of the serious topics that pd shied away from and also is veeeery transgender but yeag ^__^ that’s all i can say about it rn
another one that’s been getting in my brain lately is a futuristic/cyberpunk -esque au. it’s mainly for the aesthetics cause i go crazy for that shit but im just thinking about dakota jumping from wires and bricks and strings of lights and leaping off trash and just fuckin. terrorizing the rooftops of this really cool city. in the end i think that william would be this underground vigilante/detective guy that heroes hate, and dakota would be a hero-in-training that tries to catch him to prove himself strong enough to be a Real Hero. vyncent is probably an older model of some sort of android (something built mainly for combat/work like the clockwork soldiers), and william found him on a mission way back and put him back together, and is now trying to Figure Him Out more. vyncent is trying to fight his faulty code, cause some parts of his “brain” see william as a friend, while others are screaming protocol at him to report will to the authorities and return to his station. ashe is probably in a similar situation to dakota, where she wants to be a hero but her dad stops her, so she just sneaks out one night and stumbles across whatever shit pd are getting into that time. idk i think adding an actual overarching plot to that owuld be so niceys but i need to think more about it
#actually the vyncent part of the 2nd one is semi inspired by you cause you’re posting robot wiwi au so i was tjinking about other pd as-#robots and there’s something about the struggle of fitting into an unfamiliar world that is not yours and having to abide by new customs etc#and also how vyncent is the least robotically character ever i n actual pd so it’s kind of a funny thought??#but like. idk it’s this whole metaphor and i think the different parts of his code fighting each other could be metaphors for the greats#vixen rambles#vixen answers#lotuses tag#< for the first au#uuuuuuuuuh#i don’t habe a name for the second one yet </3#vixen writes#i guess
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