#<- [that ones just because while i wrote this i also hyperventilated. so its for anyone who does what they read subconsciously.]

[sign-anon]

Someone appears in the distance.

It's a familiar face.

She flexes her fists, a growl plastered on, her eyes sparking with rage. With every footstep, another crash of lightning. With every pound of your terrified heart, she gets closer. And closer. And closer.

*sign cant breathe, hes so terrified. thej suddenly, he is, but now hes hyperventilating. he curls into a little ball, whimpering and terrified and unable to register anyone or anything other than the poud of his own heart and the sound of suns approaching rage.*

[marc-spectorr]

come alive

pairing: poe dameron x reader

kiss prompt: #22 …in a rush of adrenaline

warnings: 2.0k wc. mentions of violence, shooting, weapons. curse words.

notes: thank you to the lovely anon for submitting this prompt! i decided to make this its own post bc i wrote quite a lot. also i haven't watched star wars/written for poe in a hot minute so pls be nice to me lol. hope you like it!

—

“What’s the escape plan?”

At the question, Poe shoots you an odd look that is quite concerning. “Escape plan?”

“Yeah, the escape pla—oh my god,” you say in a hushed whisper, blinking at him. “You don’t have one.”

“I don’t have one yet. Don’t worry, I’ll come up with something quick and then—”

“—and then we get captured, locked up behind bars to rot or until they decide to—”

Your ramblings are cut short when Poe puts a hand over your mouth, gently shushing you. Three stormtroopers approach the stack of oversized crates, shrouded in darkness due to the absence of sun at this late hour.

You freeze and hold your breath, waiting for them to pass. Fortunately, they march right by without problem, oblivious to the fact that you two are hiding behind them.

As happy and relieved as you were when Poe first showed up to free you, you’re now back to thinking that you will die at the hands of the First Order. It’ll only be a matter of time until someone realizes their imprisoned Resistance spy has escaped. You’ll never get out of here, especially without a plan. You’re doomed.

You swallow thickly and try to distract yourself from the dread and panic clawing inside of you. You’re on the verge of hyperventilating. Glancing around wildly, you need to focus on something else. Anything.

Eventually, you have no choice but to settle on having your attention on the pilot’s stupidly handsome face. You keep your eyes on him, inhaling and exhaling deeply to gather your composure. All the while, you wonder— has he always been this good-looking up close? You have never realized how pretty of a shade his dark eyes are or how much they sparkle in the low light. You’ve never seen such thick and curly hair like his, and you have the biggest urge to card your fingers through it.

“Sweetheart, hey—relax,” Poe murmurs when you grow quiet on him, his watchful gaze flickering every now and then to check your surroundings. “Breathe. We got this.”

Poe has long dropped his hand from your mouth, but it remains on your face, cupping your cheek as he assesses you for any injuries. You feel your pulse pick up a beat. You’re sure it’s mainly from the threat of danger you’ve found yourself in. Certainly not because of Poe, your good friend, and crush ever since the day you joined the Resistance.

No, it definitely cannot be that.

“Okay,” you sigh out, nodding. You take a quick glance at the perimeter yourself this time, mostly to hide away from his gaze. “Now what? We can’t stay and hide here forever.”

“You’re right,” Poe agrees. He steps closer to you, his chest brushing against your back as he scans the area with you. “My ship’s past the tree line. Best course of action is to sneak out without alerting anyone. But if things don’t go our way, we use these.”

Slipped into your hand is a blaster. You take a deep breath and tighten your fingers around the grip. You hope it doesn’t come down to a shootout between you, Poe, and the dozens of armed guards patrolling the place. Violence isn’t really your strong suit. That’s why you preferred missions that involved laying low and gathering intel. Too bad your cover got blown on this assignment.

(And yes, you are still sore about that).

“I’m a shit shot, just a heads up,” you warn Poe. You turn around and bump into him, forgetting that there’s barely any space between you. He doesn’t make an effort to step away, and surprisingly, you don’t either.

Poe’s lips curl into a smug grin. He holds up his own weapon in his hand. “And I’m very much not. See, we’re a perfect match. On a scale of 1 to 10, how’d you rate my spur-of-the-moment escape plan?”

You bite back a chuckle and shake your head. Leave it to Poe to distract you from your worries, even if it only lasts a minute. In all seriousness, you have faith in him. He can be overly cocky sometimes, but he’s smart and skillful. You’ve seen and heard what he’s capable of. There’s a reason why you and plenty of others admire the hell out of him.

“I’d give it a 7.5, mainly ’cause I trust in your confidence too much. Plus, it’s not like we have other options.”

“That’s the spirit,” Poe beams. “Sorry if I worried you about not really thinking this through earlier. Once I found out you were being held out here, I kinda just... went for it, y’know? I didn’t have time to waste. I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”

You smile at him, ignoring how your cheeks are warming up against the crisp nighttime air. You’re touched by Poe’s statement. Grateful that you’ve crossed paths with someone like him. Who else would be this reckless and determined to dive into an impromptu rescue—or insane enough to risk their life to save yours?

The thought has your heart feeling tender, but you can’t get caught up in it at this moment. You and Poe need to make it out alive first. Fuck, now the nerves are starting to creep back in.

“Thank you. If we come back to the base both in one piece, dinner’s on me.”

“You mean when we get back,” he corrects. He holds his hand out for yours. “Deal. It’s a date. Alright, you ready?”

Poe’s question almost doesn’t register in your head after he refers to your dinner offer as a date. He doesn’t seem to be joking around. He sounds serious, and you don’t question it. You find yourself more than okay with calling it that.

Clearing your throat, you give Poe a slight nod, ready as you’ll ever be. Both of you have to get out of here alive. Your date depends on it.

Staying undetected as you move through the shadows was easy in the beginning. Few are out on patrol this evening, and when you do encounter someone, Poe manages to evade them. Surely this isn’t his first go-around at something like this.

You do your best not to allow your anxiety of getting caught to cause you to lose focus. The warmth of Poe’s hand in yours helps soothe you, an assurance that if anything goes wrong, you’re not alone.

When you spot your way out, relief floods over you. You tell yourself you’ll be home soon. That you’ll be back in your bed in no time, tucked under the covers, safe and sound. No longer would you be fearing for your life in the way you are right now.

You’re nearly there— the clearing is just within sight. Less than a hundred yards away more and…

Sirens suddenly blare. So loud that they ring in your ears and leave you disoriented for several seconds. The quiet of the night quickly descends into chaos as guards pour out from every which way. The radioed orders your ears pick up are clear and bone-chilling: they are searching for you, and if found, they want you gone permanently. 

“There you are, scum,” a trooper snarls from behind, weapon pointed at you. They’re about to pull down on the trigger, but Poe reacts much quicker. The blaster in his hand fires, and the man instantly drops to the ground.

You barely have time to process what happened when Poe grasps your hand tightly, holding onto it uncomfortably tight, but his touch is grounding. The two of you share a knowing look as the sound of distant voices and heavy footsteps grow closer.

“We gotta keep moving. Shoot anyone who’s chasing after us, got it?” He says, his voice a blur over the erratic pounding of your heart.

Poe doesn’t wait for your acknowledgment. He makes a mad dash towards the gate leading out of the compound. He wasn’t lying when he said he was not a shit shot, taking down a few men with such ease— they were no match for him.

Luck seems to be on your side tonight. The moment Poe tugs you past the gate, you run across the field and into the woodlands as fast as possible, the fastest you’ve ever moved. Your muscles are sore, and your head is dizzy. It feels like you can’t get enough air in your lungs.

Still, you run. You run and run, even if you’re starting to think that your legs will give out at any moment. You have to get as far away as you can from the place that has kept you captive. It’s your best bet if you want to survive.

Finally, Poe’s ship comes into view. He glances behind you, and you mirror his action, seeing that the guards have lost track of you in the dark. The relieved smile on your face remains for only a split-second, however. As soon as you turn your head back, you see the stormtrooper emerge from the thick bushes, aiming to shoot at an unsuspecting Poe.

It’s like everything is in slow motion. From you realizing that Poe is in imminent danger to the way you forcefully push him out of the line of fire and draw your blaster.

Adrenaline buzzes through your veins. Your chest rapidly rises and falls. You steady your hand even as it fights to tremble. Without thinking twice, you fire your weapon. The first shot narrowly misses the enemy, but the following two blasts hit them fatally, and they slump to the ground, unmoving.

Luck truly is on your side tonight.

You gasp a breath in surprise when a pair of solid arms suddenly wrap around you, your nerve endings still on high alert after all that has transpired. 

Poe’s gentle voice saying your name cuts through your foggy mind, and you meet his gaze. Your heartbeat continues to drum sharply against your ribcage as you stare at him for several moments, tracing the deep, worried lines etched on his face.

You don’t know what comes over you after. You’re unaware of what you’re doing until you’re right in the middle of it.

One second, you’re holding onto Poe—feeling some of the tension in your body seep out upon seeing that he’s okay, he’s unharmed— and the next, your lips are on his, soft and warm. Exactly the way you had imagined they would feel.

Poe doesn’t kiss you back right away; it is the only thing that snaps you out of this haze. Have you misread him all this time? He’s a major flirt, but you thought he was genuine with you. A knot of confusion and embarrassment forms in your stomach. How could you be so wrong? How could you have fucked things up?

You immediately pull away, taking a few stumbling steps back. Poe looks at you wide-eyed, mouth slightly open, but he doesn’t say a word. You glance down at your feet, not wanting to see his expression as you fumble out an apology.

“I-I’m sorry, Poe. I don’t know… I was just—”

You are interrupted when Poe lets out a breathless chuckle. He closes the short distance you had put between the two of you, his hands cupping your face, fingers stroking your cheeks ever so gently.

“Don’t be sorry,” he whispers. “I wasn’t expecting you to do that. It did feel very nice, though.”

Poe’s breath fanning warm over your skin causes yours to hitch. Before you can respond, he slowly leans in and recaptures your lips in a sweet kiss. Your heart stutters and skips for a whole new reason now. Something more electrifying replaces the fight or flight sensation surging within you, making you light-headed in the best possible way.

The kiss abruptly ends at the sound of dried leaves rustling and branches snapping from different directions. You notice faraway lights becoming brighter, no doubt more stormtroopers closing in on you and Poe.

“I’d like to keep kissing you, but we gotta go,” he laughs, nodding towards the ship. “The sooner we get back, the sooner we can go on our date.”

You grin in agreement and place your hand into Poe’s hand. Being with him makes you feel alive, like you can handle almost anything the universe throws at you. You could get used to this.

“Take me home, flyboy.”

[aviancataclysm]

IM IMPATIENT. AO3 SAYS I WILL GET MY ACC LIKE NEXT WEEK. heres the decode sickfic (might change a little by the time i upload to ao3) it's mid by my standards tho be warned i wrote this in like today while doing stuff like class and riding the metro

title (subject to change): get decoded idiot /aff

word count: idk more than 3

content warnings: emeto and fainting

a/n: triple spike divider is pov change :3 also this was written prior to design being finalised so not all of it fits hcs

---------

Everything hurt.

Another player had bested them in combat. They bowed and accepted defeat. The player left carrying with them the mark of around a thousand attempts. All of this was normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But everything hurt. Why did it hurt? Sparring with the players didn't usually hurt this much. Nor did it hurt in the ways it was doing so.

DeCode trudged to a corner and sat down slowly. They ran a self examination program and waited. Their internal cooling fans whirred, spinning alarmingly fast.

The program finished its execution and returned the results. It seemed like they were overheating. Why were they overheating in the first place?

The android curled up further into themselves. Their head was pounding.

Another challenger approached. They just wanted to be left alone, but they didn't exactly have a choice here. The one rule for levels is that they must not turn down any challenger no matter the circumstances.

They got up, felt the ground spin but soon steadied themselves with the nearby wall, and set the area up for their cogs and spikes.

This player did not succeed in besting them today. The little icon got frustrated after accidentally hitting a spike right before DeCode's last attack, the minicube maze.

After the challenger had left, they felt a wave of exhaustion wash over them, with the unpleasant company of what seemed to be nausea.

As they dragged their feet back to the corner for even just the slightest bit of relief from the discomfort, they began to notice how hard it was to process anything in their mind. It felt as if their hardware was dunked into soup. Not even good soup at that. It would be the kind which Killbot made that one time for the mecha levels' annual meet up despite none of them being able to eat nor taste anything. It ended up going to Kenos because they collectively agreed it would be funny. He had suffered food poisoning afterwards according to Zodiac. Silly people.

They essentially collapsed into the corner and felt how cold the wall was up against their forehead.

The world was in a haze. Someone was shaking them. The person was also saying something, apparently.

"... ode! DeCode! What happened, what's going on?"

That voice sounded familiar. The person felt familiar.

It was impossible to think straight. It was impossible to think at all. Their software stuttered and they twitched, blank eyes still staring at nothing but the ground. An electric buzz escaped them as they did so.

The person kept shaking them. They got dizzy from it. Too dizzy. They leaned over and threw up what probably was some sort of engine oil. It did not help anything at all.

It was so warm. Too warm. Their fans were not enough for the job. They began to hyperventilate as the system's last resort to cool down.

And before they knew it, they were out. Unconscious.

∆∆∆

Death Moon was freaking out when she saw DeCode pass out in front of her eyes. She paced around in circles while muttering to herself about what to do.

One of the crows on her shoulder whispered to her in an arcane tongue, and she widened her eyes and nodded. She proceeded to carry her best friend all the way past the areas where levels normally hang around in. Ignoring the odd looks from the players, she dashed down the stairs leading to the treasure room where the Mechanic's workshop was.

Upon entering, the Mechanic confusedly stared at the witch and her unconscious friend.

"I've got no time to explain, please take a look at them!" Death Moon pleaded with a sense of urgency.

The Mechanic sighed and pulled out a cord, which was later connected to DeCode via a port somewhere near their neck on their back.

Death Moon tried to peek at the lines of code and messages that were displayed on a nearby monitor. She did not understand most of it, but she knew what error messages looked like, and there were a lot of them rapidly flooding the screen.

"Well, seems like malware," the Mechanic explained nonchalantly. "I'll work on it but it'll take time. Go back to your level page now."

"Will they be okay...?"

"Yes, they'll be fine. Now go already."

With unsure footsteps, Death Moon walked out from the workshop.

[xxmia0wm4yh3mxx]

GLOOZE

(Chapter: 3)

___________________________________________

This one is even worse sorry :(

Also the next one might not be out in a while idk give me a few weeks but im really enjoying making these!!! :3

Part 2 Part 1

___________________________________________

In the Learning room, the Pals where sitting in their assigned waiting for class to start, while the pals were talking amongst eachother, The Boy was Dying of boredom even though Class haven't even started

He leaned back in his chair until he fell over backwards, he got up from the floor and readjusted his Chair and Slamed his Bloby Head on his desk, the only good thing about this hell was that he had the freedom of nobody telling him what to do and now that was taken from him, this could not get worse

Enock whispering: Psst PSSSSSSST! Greenie guy, Hi! Its me! Enock! Hiiii!!!!

God @$#%ing %$#@it, the weirdo was sitting right next to him, the boy Rolled his eye trying to ignore this Idiot as much as possible

Because he was ignoring him, Enock started poking him with a pencil

Enock slighty louder: psst! Greenie guy! Guess what! Guess! Guess! Greenie guy! Guess!

The Boy: WHAT?!?

The Boy shouted at Enock irritated, and Qwerty peaked over to them

Qwerty: excuse me, New student, I understand you are new to this class so I must inform you that shouting is not permitted in the Classroom, but because you are new, I will not tell the Teacher, however, Enock, You have been told many times to not shout in class yet you have not compiled with this command

Enock looked down sad

Enock: I know... I'm sorry...

Qwerty: I will be telling Mister Able about this

Enock: okay... sorry...

Qwerty went back to studying, The Boy was just staring like he just saw someone discarding a banana and eating the peel, Enock immediately went back to his cheery tone and whispering to The boy

Enock whispering: Greenie Guy, guess what?

The Boy Irritatedly: What?

Enock: My Uncle Is the Teacher!!

The Boy sarcastically: Oh Wow, Thats Greeeaaat, I'm Sure he's just has weird has you and your Dad...

Enock: Not really, Actually my My dad and My Uncle are super duper different! My dad always super duper excited and My Uncle is really, really calm, but still fun! They're kinda like night and Day, Oh that reminds me! Yesterday, I was showing Ms. Moon and Ms. Sun my new song, and they really really liked it! Though sometime I think that Ms. Moon likes My Dad, and also my mom, she's kinda weird but also really Pretty and Smells like birthday cake, also-

The Bell rang, indicating the start of class, A thin man wearing a shiny, blue suit and a top hat, like The Weird Teeth guy was wearing, but instead of teeth for a head, he had a Giant green eye with Long eyelashes

The Eyeball guy wrote "Ringmaster Able" on the Chalkboard

Able: Good morning Class, My Name is Ringmaster Able, now do you know why im telling you all something you all already know?

The class gave an unenthusiastic and annoyed "No"

Able: Well, Its because we have a new student!!

The Boy: Oh god...

Able: you there, Slimy Boy, Why don't you tell the class your name?

The Boy froze, He tried to think of his Name, A name, a Name, anything at all about him

The Boy: Um... I-Its... Um...

The Boy Tried to remember, but the more he tried, the more it hurt, He started panicking and hyperventilating, everyone was staring at him

Enock whispering: Hey, Arukay?

The Boy didn't respond he just kept hyperventilating, Enock reached out to Touch him

Able: Uh- um- lets start the Lesson!

The Boy snapped back into reality and Slapped Enock's Hand away

Enock: Sorry....

Enock rubbed his hand

Later in class, The students were taking notes, Able was rambling about something, The Boy didn't know what about he was pretty much dying from boredom, He would rather be doing absolutely anything else, ANYTHING else, ANYTHING but listening to this eyeball guy ramble about... Whatever it was he was talking about

Enock whispering: Pst Hey Greenie Guy, Psssst!!

The Monkey's paw must've curled

Enock: Psst! Hey! PSSSSSSSST!!

The Boy whispering: What?

Enock: wanna See something cool??

The Boy: Whatever...

Enock: Oki!

Enock held up a drawing of a parade of a music band of owls and a marching band of frogs, It was pretty weird, but much more entertaining than Whatever The Blue guy was talking about

Enock: wanna See more?!

The Boy: Uh, Sure

Enock shows him A drawing of Cowboy Calaveras riding on Velociraptors with swords, chasing Racoon bandits and a Dragons Riding a Skateboards, and Honestly it was kinda cool, and the drawings were pretty good

Enock: Cool right?!

The Boy: Totally! I mean- Yeah I guess, Whatever

Enock: Yeah! And Guess what? When I grow Up, Imma be able to bring them to life!! My dads gonna Teach me!!

The Boy: Really?! You think he can teach me too?!

Patchricia whispering: Guys! What are you doing?! Were supposed to be taking notes!

Enock: Oh Golly!

Enock panicked as he tried to retrieve his notebook and gel pens, only to spill the pens all over the floor, He hurriedly knelt down to pick them up, but kept dropping them in haste

Able: Enock?

Enock Looked up startled by his Uncle

Able: Enock, have you been paying attention, or have you been drawing the whole time again?

Enock: Uh- I- um.. I-I-

Patchricia snickered at his misfortune, The Twins started whispering to eachother, presumably about Him, Enock started tearing up, Qwerty Helped Enock pick up the rest of gel pens for Their Cousin

Qwerty: You should allocate more time to acquiring valuable information rather than engaging in unproductive drawing activities, I believe You will find it more beneficial to Your Future

Qwerty neatly put the Pens on His desk in Rainbow order, Enock sat back down at his desk, staring at the empty notebook, He looked, frustrated, The Boy didn't know he Just looked at him With... Understanding? Empathy? He didn't know And didn't know why but he felt bad for him

Later, Able Set up an activity for the Pals

Able: Alright everyone, Pick a partner!

Princess Partnered with Princely Patchricia partnered with Niku And Enock, reluctantly Partnered with Qwerty

Patchricia: Why does Enock always get to pair with Qwerty? I wanna Pair With Qwerty!

Niku: hmm... they share skin, do they not?

Princessa: thats a Strange way of saying they're related

Niku: Oh No! No! Im a Freeeeaaak!

Niku put their head in his hands, The Boy moved passed them at looked at The cousins curiously, and Slithered towards them

The Boy: hey, Uh- well- Since you Losers seem like the best bet because you guys are NERDS Can I, Uh, Join you?

Enock: Really?! You want to join!?

Enock was bouncing up and down with joy, Qwerty looked at The Boy nonchalantly

Qwerty: Sir Able told was to only to get into groups of two

Enock: Oh yeah... Oh! Uncle Able! Can The greenie Guy Join our Group? Please, Please, Please??

Able looked over to them

Able: Huh? Oh Of course He can! No harm in a New student making new friends!

Enock Was Practically over the moon, He was jumping up and down flailing his arms, Qwerty looked over to him and Enock calmed down quickly

Later Every one was working on their projects together, Expect for Enock and The Boy, Instead of Working on the Project, They were Listening to Qwerty Explain it in their monotone and flat voice, while The Boy and Enock, The Boy was even more Bored then When Able was Teaching

The Boy whispering to Enock: Ugh This So boring! Can't we help them with the dumb project at least?!

Enock whispering back: Oh, Im not allowed to do Activities anymore

The Boy: What why?

Enock: well... I always mess it up... even when its really simple, it usually ends in pain and Fire...

The Boy: Fire?

Enock: Yeah... last time I let possum into the Room and Everyone Got Rabies

The Boy: I thought possums didn't get rabies

Enock: No thats O-Possums, possums are smaller and look really cute, but also really mean

Enock: Besides, Even If I didn't mess up, Qwerty's would be so much better and make mine look like trash...

The Boy looked at him sad but then he got an idea, He got up went up to the uncomplete display board and took a sharpie and added a doodle of a derpy looking dragon, Qwerty Turned to look at the horrible crime (In Qwerty's eye) the boy was commenting

Qwerty: Excuse me?! What do you think you are doing?

The Boy: im helping You with your dumb Project, DUH! It was Boring so I added a Dragon

Enock looked at The small drawing

Enock: OoOoooOo Its Kewl!!

The Boy: I know right? Like, No offense Blocky, Put you couldn't make a more Boring board thing if you, like, tried

Enock: Oh! Oh! Can I add something?! I brought my Glitter Pens!!

Qwerty: NO.

The Boy: Sure! Just don't add something lame

The Boy and Enock started Doodling all over the project, Qwerty was trying to push them out of they way

Qwerty: HEY! Enock! This is Preposterous, you need to Stop this Immediately!

The Boy: This. Is. Pre-post-er-ous, Like, why do you talk like that?! Its so stupid!

The Boy mocked Qwerty's monotone voice and Enock started Giggling

Enock: HeHe! Yeah Qwerty, You sound lika toaster!!

Qwerty: That doesn't even make any sen- *cough* Mister Able! The New student and Enock are being behaving in a most unacceptable way, And must be disciplined immediately to maintain order in the Classroom!

The Boy: Pfffffffft! Who talks like that?!

Enock: Yeah Qwerty! Who talks like that?!

The Boy and Enock started laughing louder, The other students started staring at them, Able looked over to them bullying His child

Able: Enock! Slime! This Is no way to treat a fellow student!

The Boy: "FelLoW sTuDeNt" So what? They're a nerdy loser! Like You!

Able: Excuse me?!

Able gave an over-the-top offended gesture and Enock starting laughing louder, The Boy felt a Small sense of pride making somebody laugh, and with that encouragement he jumped up on the Table and lifted up the Cardboard display

The Boy: I DON'T NEED THIS DUMB @#$%ING SCHOOL!! BECAUSE I'M THE SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE AND EVERYONE IN THIS DUMB CIRCUS ELSE IS A @#%$ING IDIOT!!

The Boy let out a thundering war cry and Smashed The Project on The Floor, Making a Large 'Crash!' On the floor, The Class went completely silent

The Boy's cry slowly quieted down and Noticed How Able loomed over him absolutely livid at him

The Boy: .......@#$%

END OF CHAPTER 3

Part 4

[rumblebumble22]

How to calm down when you are on the edge 

There are a lot of different techniques which are supposed to help people calm down. I don’t know who wrote this weird advices but it seems that I’m actually do something wrong, because most part of them don’t work for me. I mean, what the fuck? In a terrible rush I google something online and realised that every source try to offer me some bloody thing. Do you want an example? Okay, how about ‘’breathe deep’’? I honestly tried it, but it only caused hyperventilation and shaking state of mind. This reaction of my body led just to panic attacks in me, not less anxiety. I mean, what I did wrong? And what about this life hack: ‘’Squeeze some balls in your arms many times, it will help you to calm down’’. I did it, but my anxiety only became more intense. Did I choose wrong ball or what? Frantically squeezing something just let me in some wrong mood, like I’m trying to get the milk from the cow, you know. It’s totally not relaxing. This piece of advice sounded quite simple: 'Meditate'. I cannot meditate when I have terrible thoughts; instead, I focus even more on them. When I am messed up, the last thing I want to do is sit and try to meditate. Instead of calm and peaceful mood I just got in a total chaos. My thoughts become bump into each other, I feel weird and alienate, and how the fuck I should handle this? If I would be a monk maybe it will work; monks, at least, have in this some more practise. Okay, another recommendation is quite ridiculous: ‘’Eat well-balanced meals’’. I’m sorry, but when I feel stress I can’t even eat a stupid banana, not to mention a full meal. All what I can do is actually randomly put out of fridge the first sneak which I see or fiercely eat chips (it’s pop out only on a very high level of stress, though). Usually I just lose my appetite, simply drink litres of coffee and then run around as a hurt bear. After breakdowns like that I’m quite often hear compliments like ‘’Aw, you lose weight, you look good!’’. Yes, thank you, except the blues under my eyes and nervous attitudes, I look good, indeed.

I have my own recipes for relaxation and I can surely say that they work for me. Firstly, I totally recommend a cup of hot milk with cookies, a warm hoodie and wool socks. Get all this stuff together and put yourself in a warm blanket at the end. I promise, you’ll immediately feel more comfortable, though I don’t know how it’s work. Another thing which helps a lot is fresh air. If I don't want to walk, I just sit on the balcony and watch the sky and the mountains. Also, I notice people in other houses, their TVs, and shadows. It helps me to calm down and understand that I’m not alone in the world. But it is essential you don't use a phone or laptop; otherwise, the technique will lose its meaning. Just sit there, breathe, and look around. Sometimes I use an extreme technique: go to the hot bathroom and sit there for 1 minute (I can’t bear it anymore). If I stay longer, my blood pressure becomes too high and I feel really dizzy. However, one minute in the bathroom can make you feel alive and cheered up, at least for a short while. 

Reading books helps a lot too, as far as writing. When I immersed myself into some story or non fiction text, I just far away from my personal feelings; it distract me well. Writing helps also, but the one problem there is to start. I hesitate to write when I’m anxious, though, but if I finally start, hesitation fades with every minute. So if you inclined to books or writing, I totally recommend it to calm your mind.

Chatting with friends is also the thing which helps me to relax, but I found out that it works only if the connection is personal. Online chatting or calls don’t work like that, unfortunately. I thought about why it’s like that and came to the conclusion that human creatures still need others to feel better. Get a bottle of wine, some snacks and just be together and chat about random stuff. It’s working better than any advice before, though.

[helliontherapscallion]

Heya. I know that requests are closed and I totally respect if you ignore this because of that. Two hours ago my dog had a seizure and my mom and I are currently in the parking lot of the emergency vet waiting for an update. I’m normally “the rock” for my family (if that makes sense) when shit hits the fan, so I feel like I need to hide my panic so my mom doesn’t worry more. I claimed to need to use the restroom (there’s those portable bathrooms outside) but I’m actually just having a panic attack on a stairway nearby. Most of my friends are asleep or offline right now so I don’t have anyone to help ground me. I know my mom would, but she’s already dealing with enough. Your writing has never failed to calm me down or cheer me up, so I was wondering if you could maybe make headcannons or something about how texts or a quick phone call with the SBI would go and how they would help a teen friend who’s going through this situation.

I don’t want you to feel pressured to do this because of guilt or anything of the sort. I understand that requests are closed, but I thought it was worth shooting my shot. So it’s completely okay if you ignore this.

(A/N): I wrote this as fast as I could, so there might be a few mistakes here and there. I really hope your dog gets better soon and nothing major is wrong with them, I’ll keep you guys in my thoughts. If you wanna talk about it, my DMs are always open love <3

Warnings: mentions of dog seizures, vets, panic attacks

Your pleasant day had gone so wrong so fast 

You had a blast hanging out with your neighbor and childhood friend Techno and his brothers

You spent most of the day at the park hanging out and generally goofing around

That was until you received a phone call from your mother 

She was in a panic telling you to come home, telling you that there was something wrong with your dog

You quickly excused yourself by telling them that your mom wanted you home as soon as possible suddenly and ran home in tears when you were out of their line of sight

When you were running you could feel yourself being filled with dread

Your chest felt tight as you fought off a panic attack, you needed to be strong for your mom

You were her rock

It was only natural to comfort her, she helped you so much with your anxiety and panic attacks even when facing her own troubles and stress

So you did your best to stifle your panic

When you got home, you could hear the loud sobbing of your mother, the faint sound of heavy breathing, and rustling 

The sight in the living room broke your heart

Your beloved pet was on the floor having a violent seizure while your mother was looking on in horror

You quickly took action, moving the stuff around the dog away from it

The only thing you could do was wait it out, so you made quick work of comforting your mother

After the seizure, your dog was looking around confusedly and whining slightly 

He seemed very tired 

Doing some research, you found out that it was best to let the dog rest after such a seizure because it takes a lot of energy out of it

The nearest emergency vet was about ten minutes away so you picked up your dog and escorted your mom to the car

You drove to the vet, your mom was too distraught to drive

The vet immediately took him in and got to work, leaving you and your mom in the car waiting for an update on the pooch

She had calmed down for the most part, but you could still feel the panic brewing in your chest threatening you with a full blown panic attack

You held it off so you could be strong for your mother, but you were spiraling and fast

When it got to the point where you couldn’t hold it back anymore, you quickly excused yourself to the portable bathrooms

You ducked into an abandoned staircase and the panic attack quickly reared its ugly head

Your breaths came out in short hyperventilations, your chest feeling like an elephant was sat on it

You couldn’t breathe

When it got to the point where you were dry heaving, you knew that this one wasn’t one that you could calm yourself down from

You had to call someone

Your mom was immediately out of question, even if she would gladly help you

In your point of view, she had enough to worry about

Your best bet would be to call Techno

You had extreme difficulty finding his contact because your vision was tunneled and blurred and your hands were shaking, but you eventually found it

He and his brothers should still be at the park

You felt guilty for calling, but you knew you needed help and Techno and his brothers were your best bet

“Hey (y/n), uh is everything alright with your mom? You left in a hurry.” Techno saw his twin and Tommy look at him in question. He wove them off.

He was only met with heavy breathing and sobbing from your end, which worried him to no end. He knew damn well about your anxiety and panic attacks, in fact he was the one that encouraged you to open up to your mom about it and ask her for therapy sessions. He’s calmed you down from enough panic attacks to know exactly what to do to help you.

“Hey you’re alright,” he cooed to you in a soft voice, “take deep breaths. Where are you?” His brothers looked at him in alarm. They also knew about your panic attacks as you were basically like another sibling to them. Wilbur grabbed the car keys and the three made a dash towards the family car. 

“Techno…” Your breathless and strained whimper on the other end made his heart break for you. “Where are you?”

When you told him that you were at the nearby emergency vet, he could feel his heart sink. Your dog was growing older and older and his health was declining. That dog was with you two through thick and thin when your family got him in middle school. You were seniors in high school now, so that dog was old for his breed. 

“We’re on our way, just hang on tight buddy. What’re five things you can see?”

After you got through the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, you still were in the midst of an intense panic attack and it worried Techno to no end. Usually you would be calmed down by now. Luckily, they arrived at the vet and quickly found a parking space. 

You could hear running coming towards you and looked up to see the brothers running towards you. Techno kneeled next to you and attempted to give you a smile, “we’re here. Is it okay for me to touch you?” At your nod, he grabbed your hand and put it on his chest. “Breathe with me, okay? Do you think you can do that for me?” You didn’t respond to him. Your hazy eyes darted to his face when he gently called your name and asked you again. You nodded making him smile at you, “good, we’re gonna do the 4-7-8 breathing technique,” he told you softly, “do you remember that? You breathe in through your nose for four seconds, hold it for seven, and exhale slowly through your mouth for eight. I’ll do it with you,” he took in a deep breath through his nose and you tried to follow suit but failed. Your breathing was just too erratic. 

“Tech, I-I can’t. I…”

“Hey you can do this, I know you can. Let’s try again, it takes time to even out breathing.” He said something to his brothers you couldn’t hear and they ran off. “Deep breath in,” he breathed in and you tried to follow him, “hold,” you held in the breath for about two seconds, “and out,” the breath ripped itself from your lungs. “You’re doing so good, I’m proud of you (y/n).”

The breathing continued for a bit with you getting nowhere before you heard the boys return. They had a couple of ice cold water bottles in their hands. Techno let go of your hand and grabbed one of them. He turned to you with an encouraging smile, “okay, we’re gonna try something new. I’m gonna have you touch this, is that alright?”

You reached out with a shaky hand to touch the plastic and jolted slightly at the temperature, a gasp ripping itself from your lungs and your eyes focusing slightly better than before. “I’m gonna run this up and down your arms, focus on the feeling of the temperature and the feeling.” As he ran the bottle down your arms, you could feel your heart rate drop at the temperature and your heated skin cooling down. Your breathing eventually evens itself out leaving you panting and shakily reaching up to wipe at your tears. 

“Are you good now?” You nodded and leaned against the brick wall tiredly. An open water bottle was put into your hands. You drank it and relished in the feeling of the ice cold drink slithering down your throat. It even heightened your senses. 

Wilbur sat on your other side and slung an arm over your shoulders, giving you a side hug. Tommy sat across from you while Techno sat on your other side holding your hand, lazily rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. 

“Do you wanna talk about what caused this?” You nodded and told the three everything that happened today and why you were at an emergency vet. 

After you finished telling them, Wilbur turned to give you a full hug. Your face was against his chest, faintly you noted that he smelled like grass with hints of earth. “He’s gonna be alright. He’s a fighter, do you remember when he ate that bee?” You nodded, remembering that even if he was swollen, his tail was still wagging and he was as happy as he could be. He recovered quickly from that, never once losing his excited and loving personality. You thought about how even in the car he was licking away your mother’s tears and nuzzling into your hand even though he was exhausted. 

“That dog has lived through so much health shit,” Tommy chimed in, “a seizure isn’t gonna take him out anytime soon.” 

They stayed there for a while with you giving you reassurances and reminiscing on stories of him until you felt better 

Eventually you had to go back to the car to wait with your mother, so they left to go to their house

Your dog was returned to you and your mom with the instruction to give him some medicine and come back for further examination

They didn’t find the cause for the seizure, which bothered you but relieved you that he was alright

When you got home, it was late at night and you honestly felt so drained 

The next day, your dog was still slightly tired but he was slowly returning to his playful nature as the day progressed

When you were laying in the grass in the backyard with him reading a book, you saw Techno poke his head over the fence and smile at you. “Hey, how’s (dog name)?”

You ran your fingers through his fur as he slept peacefully, “he’s doing better. The vet still doesn’t know what’s going on with him, but he’s still himself.”

“We’re having some cookies and lemonade over here, do you wanna come over? (Dog name) can come too.”

“You’re more than welcome, (y/n)!” You could hear Philza’s voice chime out from their backyard. You got up and (dog name) followed you into their backyard slowly. They were sitting at the picnic table that was there since you and Techno were kids. The paint had long since chipped and faded with each year that passed. Tommy loudly cheered while Wilbur and Philza gave you gentle smiles as you walked next to Technoblade. 

You sat next to Techno and a glass of lemonade was placed in front of you. (Dog name) laid at your feet and resumed his nap. You grabbed a cookie and took a bite, humming at the taste of your favorite flavor dancing across your tongue. 

Being with the family was something that always made your worries fade away into nothingness and get replaced by lighthearted and refreshing happiness. You spent most of the day laughing with the family and petting your sleeping dog. Everything was going to be okay with them.

[onestepbackwards]

Ace Anon:

(Sorry I tried to write for Ingo. if I wrote him wrong? Tell me, please. I want your input and better worded thoughts (my thoughts are so scattered) on what he is thinking everytime no matter what (go nuts) ((unless you don't want to of course))

Ingo better have an excuse ready or get really fast at pulling away because if he 'gets excited' while I'm/Ace you are cuddling him. And if you/me notices He is doomed. Absolutely fucked ( metaphorically)

You but ace /me: accidently brushing against something hard down there and suddenly remembers that Ingos is a guy.

Ingo raw fear

You: bolts

Ingo scrambling: NO WAIT! IT NOT WHAT YOU THINK! THAT WASN'T MY PENIS!! I PROMISE!

You nearly hyperventilating: THEN WHAT DID I JUST FEEL, INGO? WHAT WAS IT THEN? PLEASE TELL ME. IM FREAKING OUT.

Ingo: IT'S UMMMM [pick something!] PROTECTIVE CROTCH ARMOR SO POKEMON DON'T BITE OR SLASH MY DICK OFF [what]

You:..... REally?

Ingo [it IS WORKING?] locking himself in and willing to die on this hill: YES, I MIGHT HAVE IMMUNITY TO POISON BUT NOT TO SHARP STAB AFTER MY DICK.

You:......oh.

Ingo:.....

You:.......

Ingo: SO, IS EVERYTHING IS OKAY NOW?

You: ... maybe? I don't know?

Ingo:..... [please believe me PLEASE]

You trying to remain skeptical:...Why where you wearing it here? Where you scared that I will do something to your....?

Ingo: [OH NOPE NOT YET] NO! ACCIDENT HAPPENS??? it became a habit? Comfort??? * strings long sentences to convince you appealing to friendship and how he wouldn't do that to you*

You so relived:.... oh thank goodness... sorry for not.... trusting you right away...

Ingo: [HOLY FUCKING SHIT].... YOU CAN CHECK IF YOU WANT TO?

Ingo: [WHY DID I SAY THAT?!]

You:...? what.

You: no I trust you. Haha. We are friends. Your Ace so no need to check...

Ingo:.....

You:... I am just going to.... leave for a bit... hahaha... and try and possibly forget this ever happen...maybe sleep?... haha...So many emotions... I am exhausted.

Ingo:.... YEAH NO THAT IS FINE

You:.... thanks buddy... see you soon *leaves*

Ingo just siting down:..... pl...ea.... se...

[It takes several days for you act like you usually do around ingo] ((and weeks to cuddle again))

You who uses humor to cope:HAHA *LIGHTLY PUNCHES HIM* I'm not going eat your dick off chill.

Ingo: [becomes crimson]

You: INGO THAT NOT CHILL!

Okay so like,, I feel there are a few excuses here that could work, and some actual scenarios to consider:

Ingo is not immune to morning wood. Doesn’t matter if he was/is ace or not. Morning wood is a physical reaction to stimulus. It’s something that’s natural. In fact, it’s actually considered to be healthy. Not getting erections while sleeping can actually be a possible indicator that something is wrong with your body. Like yeah it can happen because of sexual stimuli while asleep, or sexual dreams, but that is one of many ways it can be caused. Most the other ways are actually not sexual in nature. Not to mention, just because you don’t experience sexual attraction, doesn’t mean your body won’t react to sexual stimuli. Accidentally rubbing against him could still cause it, and if he WAS ace, it would just be an annoyance. Hell, it doesn’t even have to BE stimulus either. Testosterone levels shift when you sleep/wake up, and can cause it. Like how cold air can harden nipples, its a natural body response, and depending on the person, can happen multiple times a week. Hell, it can even happen multiple times a night. It can even happen from just napping and dozing! So like,, he might not even *be* reacting to you. You would have to learn to deal with it. But it would also be a convenient excuse for if cuddling did make him hard. But yeah, fun little biology lesson! BUT ANYWAY He would probably freak out, like you wrote, but be a bit calmer about it. He is used to battles of all kinds, so he can probably think on the fly. The panic would come from possibly scaring you off. But I feel that would also be a thing if he really was Ace as well and just ended up with an accidental erection. He would be horrified to think you were scared of him. So the excuse? Normal body function. It’s something you two would probably learn early on, especially if you were to share a bed.

[rivalsforlife]

was going to do a proper writeup on that lotr show after rewatching a ton of cast interviews from sdcc but I got lazy and my headphones are running out of battery fast so I'm just going to go over the few things that I remember that stuck out to me.

-I do believe the showrunners do understand tolkien or at the very least are very passionate about tolkien. not like "oh I love the lotr movies" but more like "I put elvish on the birth announcement for my child". which I think is promising. It comes down I think to how much their vision of tolkien aligns with my vision of tolkien or how much liberties they're taking with it, which is a thing that's always going to happen in adaptations especially in an adaptation when you have so many blanks to fill in. they really need to make an interview with those guys public, hearing them speak restored quite a bit of confidence with me.

-when they were speaking about parts they were excited to adapt and talked about the part where sauron puts the one ring on his finger for the first time and recites the poem and all the elves know at once they've been betrayed I was very interested to see how they'll tackle that. if they're passionate about it, they'll be able to bring those big moments to justice, which I am very much looking forward to.

-the actors were also very knowledgeable about tolkien to varying degrees - the actor for gil-galad could recite most of the gil-galad poem with only minor prompting. the actor for elrond is my favorite since he said his favorite age is the first age. he said something about how he's approaching second-age elrond primarily as an orphan, with huge expectations given his dad saved the world and is always looking down on him literally from the night sky, and how his complicated past ties into it, and it being so soon after having made his decision to live as an elf rather than as a mortal, and how that's influencing how he sees the world. which is incredible. he also made a comment at one point about the power of oaths in tolkien's universe which made me have to stop the video and hyperventilate for a few seconds because IF ONE PERSON KNOWS. IT'S ELROND. so I'm super looking forward to however much of that they'll portray of him when it comes down to it. (literally if we get a reference to the whole elrond being raised by sons of feanor thing I'm going to lose my mind.) uhh other than him, celebrimbor's actor was apparently a huge fan of lotr as a kid and he practiced writing with elvish script and wrote a play based off of it, which is very cute. elendil's actor could come up with a good amount of numenorean lore on the spot. all good things so far.

-bear mccreary who is doing most of the soundtrack talked about howard shore's influence, the example he gave was using some of the tones shore used with dwarves in a generally lost/grim setting given their position in the third age and bringing it to its full majesty in the second age with khazad-dum, which was very cool.

-I wasn't super satisfied with the answers the showrunners had during some of the q&a stuff primarily with why they're including harfoots, which was basically a "tolkien said hobbits didn't do anything but never said harfoots didn't", which, isn't the point. but as long as they don't make the hobbits tie in to all the other canonical stories and catch the attention of elves and men too much then I'll let it slide. someone also asked very indignantly why the star of feanor was on galadriel's armor which nobody really knew how to answer for a while, some stuff about how it wasn't necessarily the star of feanor, eventually the producer said it was a gift from someone else. I still don't think Galadriel would wear a star of feanor, but I do like the idea of celebrimbor gifting her armor (who, I assume, would be one of the few people still wanting to be associated with the feanorian star at this point).

-both the actors for theo and bronwyn (original human characters in tir-harad which is allegedly pre-mordor) discussed that part of their roles were dealing with being the descendants of the humans who originally betrayed the elves to side with morgoth. which. NIRNAETH ARNOEDIAD REFERENCE??? honestly I think that's very interesting if we're seeing the later ramifications of ulfang that fucker that got fingon killed. though again it's an issue of how much they'd actually be allowed to go into depth with the nirnaeth (probably not at all).

-overall mainly my opinions on the show remain about the same (very excited about some stuff, a lot more hesitant about some other stuff) it kind of mostly confirmed stuff I already knew but gave me a new reason to be interested in tir-harad and definitely gave me more reasons to be super invested in elrond I want to see that I want to see that incredible first age ramifications. anyways. that's all from me for now unless new news comes out

[omiramotakiart]

GUESS WHO WROTE A STUPID FLUFF FIC BASED ON STUPID LITTLE HEADCANONS

Diary of Mina Harker.

February 20th: I should be more careful about the documentation of these events, however I am writing frantically in a hurry not because of a less than pleasant situation but because of extreme joy that overwhelms me, so I shall recall the past few weeks now that I finally have the time to sit and write on my own diary now that everyone is asleep.

It was hard to go back to normal after the defeat of the count and the passing of our heroic Quincey, may he rest in peace, it feels like an impossible task and certainly an unforgettable one, I still wake up at nights shaking and hyperventilating as I cover my neck, Johnathan has to calm me down each time and reassure me we are safe, we have asked our friend Van Helsing to put garlic on each mayor entrance in the house and shall keep them until things calm down, my husband on his behalf still suffers from minor attacks when anything reminiscent of the count is brought up, it is a long healing process for all of us and I can safely say that our friends, Arthur and Seward are still dealing with the aftermath too, even the professor, but I am not here to talk about our burdens as the survivors of a tragedy most would take as fabricated.

I still remember the day, on the ship back to England, when my beloved Johnathan kneeled down once more and took my hand once we were alone on board under a peach sky and surrounded by an azure sea and the smell of salt, «Mina— (on this moment he corrected himself as he held my hand) Wilhelmina Harker, I have already had the honor to marry you and for that I cannot be more thankful, but I must ask you, once everything calms down and we are back home safe and sound, would you become my wife once again just like we originally planned?» and I swear on my name I must have teared up as he finished pronouncing those words, which will remain in my memory until my dying days. At that moment I held him in my arms as I repeated «Yes, yes, I would!» until our friends came to see us after hearing the commotion.

Even in our grief, we had something to celebrate and I must admit we all drank from the finests champagne available once we came back on land, whether one or more of us drank a tad bit more than the others I will not confirm but that is irrelevant.

It was a joyous day, the preparations, although a bit hectic as one would expect, were mostly done before this whole ordeal had happened, I already had a dress that was in ur original plan, with a beautiful lace collar that peaked from the neck and a pleated front, next to possessing a sufficient trail, despite being made out of a modest material, I have never been one to go into detail about clothing however I feel oddly excited about this dress even to this day, even if it is for sentimental reasons and my Johnathan, my lovely Johnathan dress all dashingly in his best clothes, all white hairs perfectly combed (though he’s been planning to dye it to its original color by following an old recipe from a magazine I bought a couple of years ago), words cannot express how much we smiled or the tears we shed when our dutch friend pronounced us husband and wife, even if it was the second time we had heard those words (as it turns out, our friend Van Helsing is a bit of a jack of all trades), while it isn’t (and can’t be) as we originally planned I will say that I strongly believe it was better than what we expected all those months ago.

The ceremony was held in Whitby on the same bench were Lucy and I used to watch over the city, no bad memories would ruin that day were we not only celebrated my beloved and I but also the good ones, it was at noon and we had a golden sunset upon us, not many guests as neither Johnathan or I had that many to invite, only our small Crew of Light, and oh my darling Lucy, we had her picture and Mrs. Westenra’s present, same for our dearest, recently deceased Quincey, we decided that at least in an spiritual manner of sorts, he was going to be the best man and Lucy my bridesmaid, we even manage to find an old photograph of Mr. Swales who I’m sure would have been pleased to attend our wedding.

I also will not deny how much I laughed at the startled faces of each passersby as they saw us pouring champagne and wine and dancing to an old song from Van Helsing’s youth (that we ended up hollering and butchering the lyrics as none of us spoke the language), I was ready to personally fight any police officer who could be sent to our direction, luckily none came near or we simply finished the ceremony before any unwelcome guest arrived.

The days after were of pure bliss and occasionally I would have the opportunity to go back to my fencing classes which I had not attended in over a year, I remember defeating Arthur the few times we had the time to practice and I’ve been training my aim with firearms, it is good to be doing a bit more exercise, I even had the bold choice (which still gives me a fair amount of nervousness which I am learning to overcome) of quitting my job as a teacher’s assistants and oh, dear reader (if anyone comes across this), do not judge me too harshly, I didn’t quit for nothing as this experience has open doors for me, and I have joined our friend’s line of work, I’ve been learning of all oddities of the paranormal, supernatural and esoteric, all sorts of terms included with Van Helsing as a temporary guide, I have done (if I say so myself) an exceptional job with the more academic side of the job and we had even opened a small business nearby in which people can ask for help, although mocked by some, others had found help in the services we provide and I am proud of it.

I wish to be on more field missions, I have for sure found a love for those, but I suppose they will be limited for me, recently I’ve found out Johnathan and I are expecting a child, today, just this day I told him the news and he held me as we both cried tears of joy, we already began preparing a room and all the things the baby would need and even have some names planned, all to honor our fallen friends, I still cry as I write this and I must hurry and end this entry here as I see Johnathan starting to be awoken by my laughter and I need some sleep, I am eager to document what the future hold for all of us. 

I will tell our friends about the good news tomorrow. I’ll sleep now, Johnathan is worried, I find it sweet but he worries too much, but how can I not be drawn to sleep when he hugs me like that? This is the right amount of comfort for a peaceful rest . I’ll admit, I think this is the best outcome of all the things we have gone through, hopefully I’ll be able to write in here more often.

Note from Johnathan Harker.

Mina handed me her diary and asked me if I had something to add. She is now asleep next to me and as I write this small addition I can’t help but to look at her. When did I become so lucky to have her as my wife? She is the ls the light of my life and my only love, I’m still unable to believe we are about to become parents, I never imagined myself as a father and yet here I am eagerly waiting for the arrival of our little one, I love my wife and I love my child and I am thankful for the friends we have gotten in this short period of time, I will end this note here and go back to the arms of my beloved Mina, I cannot think of a better thing to do before sleep.

[dutchdread]

In regard to what you said about how what Squall and Rinoa had wasn't necessarily true love because of them being teenagers, why is it that you even consider that Cloud and Tifa had true love when Cloud is technically a teenager too? Why do you say that you wouldn't like Aerith if she had survived and ended up with Cloud? You act as if Aerith ending up with Cloud is a bad thing. If Aerith survives things could've ended up happening differently for Cloud. He could've ended up happier with her.

To answer this question I think it's important to understand the difference between love and lust, I advise reading an earlier article I wrote about this:

"what is love, baby don't hurt me" There are a couple of things to address here. First, I am not sure I ever said that what Tifa and Cloud had at the end of FFVII was "true love". It's something that I think is up for debate, the fact that they haven't spent a lot of time together yet as actual adults makes me sympathetic to the idea that it's not really that far yet. Personally I find that they satisfy the conditions necessary for it to count as love, but you won't hear me pretend it's already at the same level as the love shared between my parents, who've been together for 40 years. Even in love there are degrees, love can always grow stronger, and I have no doubt that in case of Cloud and Tifa, it would. I am not pretending they start out as the ultimate pinnacle of perfect or true love. One of the most telling differences I think between people who support Cloti, and the people who support Clerith, is that the former are simply more in touch with reality. That having been said, like I mentioned earlier, I do think Tifa and Cloud satisfy the conditions of love that I describe in my article, I'll quickly go over why, but before I do, I think it's important to answer your first question first. "If being teenagers precludes Rinoa and Squall from having true love, why doesn't that same logic apply to Tifa and Cloud?" Well, the short answer is that being a teenager does NOT preclude you from loving someone, and I didn't say that it does. My argument is a bit more subtle than that. It's not that teenagers can't feel love, it's that it's very easy for teenagers to mistake infatuation with love. It's important here to distinguish between two different emotions, no one doubts of course that teenagers love, for instance, their parents, but we both understand that that's not exactly what is meant by love in the romantic sense. We also all know that we can be nervous around a boy or a girl that we barely know, and feel physically attracted to them. However, I think that everyone whose ever had more than one relationship in their life knows that that isn't love, it's merely attraction and a physiological response. It doesn't involve the same deep appreciation and closeness of a person that we associate with love. For me personally, the first girlfriend I ever had was someone I actually rather disliked before they suddenly confessed that they were attracted to me. When we were sitting on her couch a while later with her pressed against my arm my heart was beating out of my chest, I was more nervous than I ever had been before in my life and was borderline hyperventilating. But that had nothing to do with her, and all to do with me being a young boy who was about to make out with a cute girl. But that nervousness isn't love, I didn't love that girl, honestly, even while dating her I still didn't even like her that much as a person, and that "nervousness" quickly faded. My heart beating out of my chest...was not love, conversely, when I am with the person I actually do love, my heart is completely at peace. True romantic love I think lies at the intersection of those two emotions, where you long to be with someone physically, not because your heart is beating too fast, but because they're the physical representation of the complete and complex set of characteristics that make up that person. A state where you understand both yourself, and them, and understand that through everything you have become a part of each other. You would not be yourself if they're not there, because a part of you would be missing. The problem with teenagers in love isn't that they can't form the feelings of such a bond, but that they too often think that's what they're feeling when all it is is raging hormones. They think they can never live without each other but they'll have a new sweetheart 2 months later, because it's the nervousness, the beating chest, the excitement, and not the long deep appreciation of who the other person is and what they actually mean to you. They just feel new strong urges and emotions and ascribe meaning to them

when there barely is any. They lack the mutual understanding that sharing time together creates and which is necessary to understand who the other really is, and what that means. They lack the knowledge of the self needed to understand what is important in life and more importantly, what is, or should be, important to YOU and why. They lack the life experience needed to differentiate between love and infatuation, and they lack the wisdom needed make positive choices concerning which feelings to nurture, which often makes them subservient to their emotions rather than guiding them. Love takes time, it takes commitment, it takes understanding, it takes choices and the willingness to sacrifice, those are the things that bind two people together, through thick and thin, as they say. The good, and the bad. In a way, Cloud and Tifa perfectly represent that long slowly developing strength of mutual importance, while Aerith is more like a representation of the temporary hurricane of affection that we often ascribe with something new. This is the reason why Aerith was described by the developers as being like an exchange student who leaves midway through the schoolyear. This is the reason why Cloti is so often described as a "slow burn". The reason Cloud and Tifa are slightly exempt from the "teenagers in love" problem, although it does still factor in, is that their bond didn't start a week before the end of the game. Their bond started when they were kids. Tifa has been an integral part of Clouds life for his entire life, to the point where he decided to join SOLDIER, aka, the army, just in the hopes of getting Tifa to notice him. That is a decision, that is a commitment, that is Cloud tying Tifa into his sense of self ever since he was a boy, he didn't just sit around "wanting" her, he made a decision, to not just "desire her" or be "in love" with her, but an active decision to live his life with her as a central part of it. Those sorts of decisions and action form what you care about and value, what you deem as important, what you see as "you" and your life. Cloud had a type of love for Tifa long before he ever started developing any sexual urges. And Tifa doesn't just fit what he sees as important, he has made her important his entire life. In a way, he's molded himself over time so that the things he treasures, are the things she exhibits. More than that, the entire premise of Clouds character arc is rooted in him finding his true self. I mentioned earlier that a crucial part of love is knowing who you are, and what you treasure and why, and FFVII literally gives us a direct manifestation of Cloud finding himself in the lifestream.....and it's Tifa. There is no question here of whether Cloud knows who he is, what he treasures in a woman, and whether Tifa fits that mold, because Tifa made that mold. Concerning time, Cloud spent over a decade being in love with Tifa, she's not just a part of who he is, but she's such a part of who he is that when he lost her belief in him, he lost faith in himself and who he is. There is no question that these two characters lives are fundamentally emotionally intermingled. Cloud would not be Cloud without Tifa. And the same goes for Tifa, who has always held the image of Cloud close as a sort of representation of what is important. First like an unattainable star in the sky, then as a boy. Cloud is not just someone who has always been important to her, he's also her last link to her childhood, those things form bonds. Tifa is compassionate, and I've always been able to pinpoint the moment where in my opinion Tifa went from having a crush, to displaying true love, and its' the moment where she decides to spend that last days of her life caring for Cloud in a coma. That is not a small decision, and those decisions matter, they're not just telling the world something, they're telling YOURSELF something. When you make such a decision, you cement what is important to you. Through thick and thin. Tifa chose Cloud, she chose to believe in the memories they share together, not of the

memories of the last few weeks, but of the boy who asked her to the water tower all those years ago. Tifa, like Cloud, found herself during FFVII, Tifa knew what she cherished, it wasn't soldier Cloud, it was the Cloud she knew, the REAL Cloud, and her selflessness and conviction is rewarded.

I'd say that pretty much says it all, the groundwork is in place, the only thing needed after that is for a person to CHOOSE to go for it, to not give up, and that's what we get in the events before, during, and after ACC. That the two are willing to sacrifice and work on it, because they know that the other is worth it. And Tifa and Cloud have that as well. When Tifa is feeling down in case of Tifa, Cloud says he'll be there for her, when Cloud is having difficulties in ACC, Tifa never gives up on him. Ultimately Tifa is the glue of this relationship, because she has proven that she will never give up, and that's why her love is real, and why Cloud and Tifa ultimately will succeed as a couple. Cloud and Tifa have a difficult start to their relationship because of factors external to their feelings towards each other, but when you purely look at the basis of their relationship and feelings for each other, it's one of the strongest foundations in fiction. They have to weather a lot of storms together, but the reason the story can throw those storms at them, is that they have the foundation that allows them to handle it and grow stronger. "Why do you say that you wouldn't like Aerith if she had survived and ended up with Cloud?" I don't say that, I say that I don't like the Aerith version that exists in the minds of Clerith, and I don't. What I say specifically about Aerith surviving and ending up with Cloud is that I don't like that story, I think it would be a fundamentally bad story. I do say that I would not like Aerith if she knew the future, or anything really about the relationship between Tifa and Cloud, and still chose to try and get between that. Because setting aside all the shameless "Cloud/Tifa doesn't own Tifa/Cloud, they can do what they want" arguments, we all know that if your friend has someone they've cared about for a long time, and they're hitting in off, and you then try to get between that....you're scum, and I do not want you in my group of friends. I've known people like that, they're not kind. I also say that I wouldn't like that character, which is different from not liking Aerith as a person. A person can be sweet and likable and I can still not like their character if I think that the character is a hindrance to the story. "If Aerith survives things could've ended up happening differently for Cloud. He could've ended up happier with her." And if pigs had wings perhaps they could fly, or perhaps they couldn't. Perhaps had Aerith lived Cloud would have somehow married Scarlet, or perhaps if Aerith had lived Cloud would have been miserable and drank himself to death. I don't care about baseless speculation. Listen, I have no doubt that if Aerith had lived, Cloud would be happier, since it would be one less death on his consciousness, but he'd be happier WITH TIFA, Aerith living or dying has zero impact on who he ends up with and saying "maybe" is absolutely meaningless. Maybe if Aerith had lived, Tifa would have died, and the world would have ended because I don't need to be a fortune teller to predict that if Tifa died, Cloud wouldn't have come back from that. Honestly, saying "perhaps if Aerith had lived he'd be happier with her" is such a blatant attempt at trying to sneak shit past the radar that it honestly bugs me, you can take that implication back to the Clerith boards where dishonest takes live.

[negotiatingwithmymuse]

Arcane’s A+ Parenting Week

Day 5: Lost/Found

Characters: Silco & Jinx

@arcanefandomweek

[*No beta]

because of course I’m behind and failed to be on top of this. anyway finally have this out. Changed what I did a few times and then re-wrote the thing completely today.

Not in her bedroom or her small workshop. Not in his bedroom or Sevika’s bedroom (as unlikely as that would have been). She’s not in his office or in a hidden nook of the Last Drop. She hasn’t been hanging around Jericho’s stall and the Vatsayan wasn’t hiding her anywhere as well. He couldn’t be any happier to learn that she wasn’t at Babette’s brothel and that she nor any of her employees hid her at one of their homes.

She wasn’t even at her old home, though he was even more thankful for that. Even though his symbol shined his might over the junkies, he did not trust them in their clouded state to keep away from their provider's child. 

The entirety of the Lanes was giving him a wide berth, taking note of the fury on his face. What they wouldn’t know is that fury was barely contained worry. Sevika; before they parted ways in the search; had talked him down until he was able to school his face into something that wouldn’t let them know about his open distress.

‘Jinx, where are you? Where are you?’ His thoughts raced.

CRASH!

Silco froze in his tracks and his tunnel vision cleared. His location would have been like just any other in the Undercity, but with one personal difference. This particular path was the home of the arcade where Jinx once spent several hours with her traitorous sister and unsupportive brothers.

“LEAVE ME ALONE! I know already!” She sobbed.

Peered around the broken glass entrance. There knelt Jinx, curled in a small ball. She was hitting herself on the head with one of her fists, while the other pulled painfully at her braid.

‘Her demons.’ He sighed sorrowfully. 

He carefully stepped across the glass, careful not to cut himself or alert her of his presence. Though he cannot control the whims of the world. Several crows flew past him and towards Jinx. Two of them flew close over the top of her but she paid them no mind. Another landed beside her and cawed, causing her to shrink further in on herself. The fourth crow decided to fly by her face, so close that it’s feathers brushed against hair.

“Ugh!” Jinx yelled in frustration.

Her lithe quickly rose, she drew her gun and before the crow had a chance to properly land she had shot it. It’s body fell over dead and its brethren fled in fear. Silco couldn’t help the warm bloom of pride within himself as her skill. She fired on another one as it curved away from her. It hit the ground in a mix of its own feathers and the arcade’s dust. The third crow was also felled easily, but it was this one that brought her attention to Silco. By the time the bullet had hit the feathered creature it had been fairly close to Silco.

The crow unceremoniously bounced off his shoulder and onto the floor. Silco looked down at the dead animal; face impassive, but his heart struggling to calm down. He looked back to Jinx who only stared at him with wide eyes, slack jawed and heavy breathing. She dropped the gun and began to back away from him.

“Oh gods.” She sounded so small and tears were forming. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She made a break for it, leaping over the counter of the shooting gallery. She only made it past the fourth row of targets when she felt Silco’s firm grip on her wrist. He pulled her around to face and took her wrist with his free hand.

“I’m Sorry!” She blurted out. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean-”

“Sshh!”  Silco gently hushed her. “You didn't do anything wrong and I’m fine.”

“But I almost killed you! And your eye…” She trailed off looking at the scared side of his face.

“What about my eye?”

“I…I…” Jinx began to hyperventilate. 

“Jinx.”

“I broke your injector.” She admitted.

Tears rolled down her cheeks unrestrained. Before he became aware of Jinx’s disappearance he had been looking for it. He was going to set it as usual, but it was not on or in his desk, nor was it simply misplaced in the office itself. When he couldn’t find it he merely thought that Jinx had taken it and was waiting elsewhere for him to find her. 

“Is that all?” He asked to which Jinx nodded.

Pulled her closer and whipped her tears away.

“Jinx, don’t let your demons plague you for something as simple as that.” 

“But, your eye? Isn't it going to hurt when you don't do your injection?”

A smile graced Silco’s face at his daughter’s concern for his well being. Since he wasn’t racing through the streets looking for his child he began to take notice of the slight pain in his malformed eye. He still had a while before it really started hurting and even if it did start to peak in pain he would bear it so as to not cause her further distress.

“You should have just come to me to begin with Jinx. I wouldn’t have gotten mad, I promise.”

“Yes you would have.” She mumbled, looking down at her feet.

Silco shook his head.

“No, I wouldn’t have.” He corrected her. “I would have listened and understood. How did you even manage to break it?” 

“I was trying to put it together on my own to show you, but I broke the ring piece and the needle twisted in incorrectly.”

“Hmm.” Was all Silco did for a response.

Looking he looked at the top of the young girl's head and gave her a reassuring pat. He then lifted her head so she would properly look at him.

“If it broke that easily then it would have done so regardless. And I wouldn’t be wise if I only had the one injector. The primary one is kept in my office, but I have spares in my room.” He said.

Jinx sniffled, staring and searching his eyes for a hint of a lie or a hint of anger.

“Really?” She sounded so precious.

“Really.” Silco answered. “I wish you would have come to me though instead of running away. You made me worried sick.” 

“I’m sorry.” She said.

Silco let go of her wrists and naturally she took one of his hands and held it tightly. They made their way back through the shooting gallery to the wall sized entrance.

“What made you come look for me though?” She asked once they were out on the street.

“Such a silly question?” Silco smiled. “I know you wander and as you please, but I know it's unlike you to not help me with my medicine. I know it’s something that I trust you with utmost to help me with.” Silco ran his thumb comfortingly against the back of Jinx’s hand. Her eyes had gone from remorseful to bright as she looked up to him embracing his words.

“And I looked for you because you are my daughter.” His words are heartfelt. “If you become lost there is nothing in the whole of Runeterra that would make me not come running to find you. It’s you and me Jinx, just you and me. I will never abandon you.”

Jinx now looked like she was going to cry again. She smiled wide and her happiness evident. Jinx pulled her hand from his and instead hugged him tightly to her and Silco naturally reciprocated, his beloved daughter safe and at his side.

[imagine-loki]

Hiding in Plain Sight

TITLE: Hiding in Plain Sight

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 11

AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:Imagine coming from a line of nobility or royalty and being in an arranged marriage with Loki in an attempt to strengthen your kingdom / alliance with Asgard. You’re not entirely on board with the idea but figured that the best you could do was to get to know your fiancé. You form an agreement with Frigga for you to pose as Loki’s personal servant for a few months so you can get to know who Loki really is – beyond the veil of his responsibility to the Asgardian throne, behind all the masks he wears when facing the public, to really know who Loki is behind closed doors as you slowly fall for each other.How long will you keep up the ruse with the God of Lies? 

RATING: General Audience

“Loki?” Frigga looked worriedly at her son who burst into his parents’ shared rooms. “Is everything…?”

“You conspired with that elf against me?” He snapped. 

Sighing, Frigga gave a slight wave to her maids who all left the room. “Conspired is a strong word for it,” Her voice was calm and steady as she rose from her seat. “She wrote, asking of your character and I suggested she get to know you. Tatianna needed time with family and thus, I realised she could get to meet you without you being guarded as I knew you were unsure of the situation and were not likely to open up to her.”

Loki gasped in shock. “So you planned this? You were the one to actually suggest it?” He became more hurt at that revelation. 

“You treat that maid with nothing but kindness, I thought if Raven saw that side of you also, she would see how caring you are. I knew that you would not open yourself as willingly to her otherwise.” “I…” he could not explain his anger, such was its intensity. 

“Loki, I am truly sorry for doing this, clearly, it was a mistake on my behalf. I am genuinely sorry for hurting you so, my son.” She tried to have him look at her so that he would see she was being genuine. “In turn, I also hurt Raven.” Loki scoffed at the mention of the elf. “She is a lovely woman. Bright, kind, a good partner for you but instead, it appears my little idea has hurt you both so.” “Even after what you have done to me, the two of you, you care about her?” “Loki, Raven has had a very restricted life, she only wanted to know if she would be forced to endure the same here. I know you will not believe this but she simply wishes to be happy and knowing I am integral to the suffering of more unhappiness for her is upsetting for me. It does not take for my upset at the hurt I caused you.” 

Loki scowled. Raven’s words came back to him again, of her loneliness and the life she was forced to lead thus far. He didn’t want to feel pity for her. He wanted to loathe her, something quite easy to do with her actions but it still played on his mind. Without saying another word to his mother, he turned to leave. 

“I genuinely believe that given the time, you will see you are well suited, Loki,” Frigga stated. 

“Perhaps we could have been.” Loki acknowledged. “But you scuppered our chances significantly with your idea.” With that, he left the room. 

* Raven sat in her room, the door between her bed chambers and front chambers locked and with a sofa in front of it in case any thought to try and open it. She had been ready for Loki’s ire and remarks, she had long built a thick skin being the youngest of five and with four older brothers, what she had not been ready for was her own words. The idea of sitting alone in her rooms for days on end was nothing new to her, what was new was the knowledge that it would not come to an end. Growing up, she had hoped the day would come that she would have a happier existence. Even as a Ljósáfar wife to a Ljósáfar husband, she could not possibly be forced to remain as she had been growing up. On hearing she was marrying an Aesir, she knew life would be far different and on knowing it was Prince Loki, though she knew little of his demeanour, she knew the Aesir way of life would allow her far greater freedom and she also knew him to be very intelligent, allowing her to fantasise of the many conversations and discussions they could share. The debates they could muster in private in the evenings after court was complete for the day. She had been excited about that. Even if they did not see eye to eye, she had dreamed of debate and conversation where she was not required to remain silent. Instead, now she had ruined any such an idea and would be forced to look at the walls that currently surrounded her for considerable years yet to come and that felt far more daunting than she could ever fathom. It filled her with a dread that made her feel like she would begin to hyperventilate at any moment. She felt entirely trapped. 

Questions swirled around in her mind. Would Loki take a mistress? Would he take many over the years? Would she have to endure dark-haired offspring he sired outside of wedlock to mistresses being recognised unofficially? Would she go to empty rooms every night while his were filled with love, passion and the giggles of a lover? Would she remain alone? Would people whisper how she was not a fit spouse? That she was not up to the task of securing the line of her husband. Or, just as heart-wrenching, would she be forgotten about, again. Only recognised and remembered when she stood in the shadow of the important male she was tied to. 

Thoughts of her perhaps finding love, feeling unconditional love could not come to her, after all, such was preposterous to her current state. She remembered the affections she felt before with Lord Arden. The stolen kisses, the sneaking around and indeed, the illicit actions of it. When it was made clear that she was to wed Loki, he left immediately with no thorough explanation. She always wondered if it was because it hurt too much to see her being wed elsewhere and he wanted a clean break, or after a while, she suspected it was because he realised he would not achieve his goal of a respectable dowry from her and decided to try other women. She was unsure if she had come to that second conclusion in her own mind to placate her feelings or not but that was going to be her excuse to make her feel better, factual or otherwise. 

Curled up with her head on her knees and her arms wrapped around them, she did nothing but think sadly of the situation at hand. 

* “You insulted the Ljósáfar.” 

Thor had Mjolnir ready for what was to come and chuckled to himself as he deflected several knives that Loki tossed his way. 

“You’re never able to aim properly when you are overly angered.” “You said nothing.” Loki’s voice was barely over a hiss. “I was sworn to secrecy.” “By someone you don’t even know?” “By our mother, a being I know even longer than you do,” Thor stated, avoided a blast of magic by using Mjolnir’s own version of such. “Raven only agreed because she wanted to get to know you.” “And that was how she decided to do so?” Loki spat. “Not by engaging me in any manner that would signify any attempt of an honest and healthy introduction?” “Since you failed to answer her three written attempts at such, I cannot imagine she felt she had many other options.”

Loki froze. “What?” “Raven wrote to you. On three separate occasions, and you ignored all three.” 

“No, she did not.” Loki shook his head. “Indeed, she did.” Thor reiterated. “This was confirmed, not only by her but when I asked the Postmaster, he confirmed it. I asked him so I could confirm it because you are not one to ignore a letter and I suspected you would call her a liar to save yourself. Three separate letters, dated months apart so to allow for time to receive and reply should you be otherwise busy, giving you time to do so. All three remained unanswered.” “I received no such letters,” Loki repeated. 

“Well, three were sent from Alfheim, sorted by the Postmaster himself and delivered to your rooms,” Thor informed him. “She tried before now. It is why she had to try and find reports on your personality elsewhere.” Thor slapped his shoulder. “I wanted to warn you. Well, I mostly wanted to warn you. Part of me also wanted to see the look of shock on your face when you realised who she was. That was until I realised what you were saying about her. I told you many times, Loki, this is very hard on her.” 

Loki had been bothered by the supposed letters he had not received until Thor mentioned Raven’s ‘struggle’. “Norns, if I have to hear this again.” He threw his brother’s hand from his shoulder. “Poor Raven, how lonely she has had it. How she had to remain seen and never heard. The Elf I have borne witness to is no such shrinking violet. She literally feels like she has to have the last word, come Helfheim or high water.” 

“Because that is who she is. She feels here like she does not have to be a statue any longer.” Thor argued. “Do not lie for one second and tell me that you want a silent and boring wife because you and I both know you rather lose your life than being forced to wed someone without their tongue. How else could you ever have someone at your beck and call to argue with day and night? I would have thought an opinionated and in your belief, an argumentative wife would have suited you to the ground. I doubt you want a wife that would agree with everything you say without question. Where would be the fun in that?” 

Loki could not argue that point. Nothing would disgust him more. “That does not negate her actions.” 

“She felt she had no choice. Was it something I would suggest? No, but it was for a good reason. She just wanted a good partner.” 

Loki scowled. “And in doing so, ensured she would not get one.” 

“Loki, please. This is going ahead whether or not you are happy about it, so you have two choices, be angry with her for this, accept any and all apologies, learn about her and try and form a healthy and fulfilling marriage with her or continue this animosity and live an unfulfilled marriage. I will soon have to court my betrothed and if the options of both were on the table, I know I would not wish to remain arguing.” “She already made it clear, the hope is to perform some sacred ritual, ensure you and your wife spawn multiple times and stay as far away from me as is physically possible.” 

“Loki, the woman I have spoken to multiple times wants entirely the opposite of that and I know you don’t want to believe it but to her, coming here, having a husband such as you was something she wanted. Sadly, things have gone slightly awry.” Loki began to scoff at his words before pausing. “When has all this conversing been taking place?” “Through her stay here.” Thor kept his answers broad so as to not have Loki sense any dishonesty. 

Loki studied his brother closer. “Like when?” “Do you honestly think I can recall days and times off the top of my head?”

“Do you know where in the palace she is?” Thor tried to think of something to say to argue that but silence or a no would immediately be sensed as a lie. “Why?” “I deserve to know, as her betrothed, surely?” “Not if you are going to add to her loneliness with it.” “Loneli…If I wanted to add to her loneliness, the last thing I would do is ask where to find her, Thor.” Loki scoffed. “Where is she?”

“I am not going to tell you if you are going to use it to add to this farce.” Thor’s declared. 

Loki knew he was telling the truth, much to his own annoyance. “Then leave.” “This is the royal hallway, I don’t have to leave. I live here, same as you.” Thor reminded him. “In your time speaking with Raven, what have you learnt of her?” “That she’s a conniving wench.” 

“No, Loki. In all seriousness, what have you learnt of her? What did it reveal of her knowledge of you?”

“Nothing, she knows nothing of me. Made clear by how she thought to get to know me.” He snapped. “Her way of speaking to me was not to introduce herself but to act like a maid, to scrub toilets and rummage through my belongings. That’s how little she thinks of me.” Loki paused. He had not thought of that previously. She had been privy to all of his belongings. Letters of private matters, items of personal value that he would not have wanted her to see. It annoyed him greatly that she had touched and rummaged through such things.

Seeing his brother getting irritated, Thor decided to alter his train of thought before he focused too greatly on what was annoying him. “So in that time, she got nothing right about your personality? I refuse to believe that because when I discussed the issue with her, I think she got your personality to perfection. The anger, the silent treatment, she even apologised to me for the aggression you would show me, both physical and otherwise.” “That, she did ascertain correctly. That is hardly surprising as it would be considered a normal reaction by most.” Loki dismissed. “I will not repeat myself, where is she?” “You’re repeating yourself saying that to me again.” Thor pointed out. “Until you are willing to speak with her like an adult, I will not tell you.” “You owe me.” “You owe her, considering you never even wrote back when she tried to engage you herself.” Loki said nothing as Thor walked off, leaving him to his thoughts. He walked back to his room and looked at the platter his letters always were placed when delivered to him. There were three there at that time. He walked over and looked around, noting there was nowhere any letter could have fallen for him to not have seen it. 

The Aesir Postmaster was a man of set ways. He was practically devout in how he viewed his role. If a letter went missing in his office, Norns have mercy on the being that moved it. He took the role as seriously as Odin took the role of Allfather. If he genuinely told Thor that there had been three letters from the Ljósáfar palace for him, then there had been. So where were they?

[coyotestarcraft]

TMNT - 2016

Donnie x Reader

Summary: You ate an edible and got really high, you hung around the turtles and laughing your butt off, but that changes quick when it sends you into a panic attack.

A/N: I wrote this while I was still high, so it still might be sloppy, but its what I could finish. BE RESPONSIBLE WITH DRUGS AND DO NOT OVERDOSE YOURSELF PLEASE.

You and Donnie were hanging out in living room in the lair with Master Splinter and the other turtle brothers.

Since you were stressed out the pass few days with work, Donnie offered you an edible which you said yes to, in an hour you were as high as can be and saying things that had the brothers on the floor laughing, Splinter too but not as enthusiastic.

“I-I said t-that I had to go to the bathroom and R-Raph said that he also had to go, so I said, are you wanting to make this weird?” I said laughing.

I laughed too hard because next thing I knew I was crying and my breathing was rapid.

“Everyone stop! They’re having a panic attack!” Donnie quickly took you in his arms in one gentle swoop.

You were covering your face and hyperventilating in his arms, the brothers were whispering among themselves, “shut...up...please.” You whimpered, the brothers immediately went quiet knowing talking would only make the situation worse.

You say there for a solid minute before you just laid In Donnie’s arms dozing off. He carefully stood up and excused himself to take you to his room.

“Sweetheart? Are you alright?” Donnie whispers.

You manage a nod, not wanting to speak. “I’m sorry.” You whispered.

“No, you were too overwhelmed and overstimulated.” Donnie smiles softly at you while rubbing your back.

“I’ve never done that before.” You cried.

“It’s because you were under the influence of drugs.” Donnie said.

“ I know that genius, its just a scary experience, it all happened so fast, I couldn’t comprehend it.’’

‘‘Well its all over, do you want to go get something to eat?” You nodded heading to the kitchen with Donnie.

[rouiyan]

𝘕𝘐𝘎𝘏𝘛𝘚 𝘓𝘐𝘒𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘚𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘥𝘩 ]

⧏ part of the before i met you collective ⧐

synopsis: you hate donghyuck’s stupid, stupid temper and also his stupid, stupidly sincere apologies. and just when you think you can seamlessly quote every word to come from his jabbering mouth, he does the unthinkable.

✧ idol!lee donghyuck x (fem.) college student!reader ✧ established relationship au

✧ genres : fluff, angst, and then some Fluff ✧ word count : 3.4k ✧ disclaimers : minor swearing, like a three-worded phrase referring to sex

✧ author’s note — i was really invested in this at first and wrote the first three thousand words in one day but i lost motivation and finally finished it a week after haha.

“baby, i think we should talk about something.” 

donghyuck’s eyes peered quizzically down at yours, a slim anxiety shadowing his irises. “it’s nothing to worry about but…” he huffed a silent breath, a small smile easing across his features before gesturing for you to continue. his hair is mussed and his glasses are perched upon the bridge of his nose, a sight that you will always welcome with open arms. “well, after you come back from your tour, it’s gonna be our-“

“-second anniversary, i know, princess.” his face now donned a smirk akin to that of an angel’s. “yeah,” you breathed, taken aback a bit by your boyfriend’s straightforwardness, “it's just… i’m a bit tight on money right now so i was thinking we could do, like, thoughtful gifts? instead of something more expensive.” donghyuck’s eyes dimmed the slightest at the reason behind your suggestion, “if you’re ever tight on money, i could always lend you some, you know?” 

shuffling around the bed and positioning yourself so that you were on eye level with the boy, a chuckle seeped within your sigh, “that's ridiculous, hyuck. why would i borrow money from you to buy you a gift? then you’d just be buying yourself a gift.” laughing dryly along with him you settled down to bring the conversation back to the point, “i was thinking that when you come back, i could cook you up a big dinner of all your favorites. it’s been awhile since i last cooked for you. and i guess that could be my gift.”

“of course, baby, i’d love that,” his eyes bore into yours with so much love that it felt almost undeserving to be the one receiving it. he's always been one to give and forget to receive. shaking the thought that donghyuck’s love could ever be burdensome, you held his hands in yours, relief written in your expression. “and i’ll,” he continued with a playful lilt to his voice, “just have to find something that’s equally as heartfelt as a home- cooked meal.”

it’s nights like these that set your heart to peace, when he lets you be the big spoon for once and when his soft snores reverberate throughout your body, making you think of him and only him. your hand cards through his locks rhythmically and you wish for nothing to ever change the way he looks at you or the way your heart pulls for him.

your heartbeat is erratic, thumping wildly in your ears, as donghyuck’s yells resound through the phone. he’s not mad at you, per se, be he’s definitely mad at you. tears prickle at the edge of your eyes as you think, for the fifth time in the past hour, just how unfair he was being.

“y/n, look, i’m not asking much of you. just don’t bother me while i’m working.” you huff breaths because frankly, you find his attitude increasingly hard to deal with. he’s been on tour with nct 127 for almost three weeks now, and he’s decided, for whatever reason, that now was the perfect time to blow out his stresses upon you. it’s getting harder to suppress the oncoming hyperventilation so while he rambles about how inconvenient and how inconsiderate you’re proving to be, you hang up.

sitting down, you almost can feel your heart shrivel up like a dried fruit and you long to sink further into the sheets. the vibrations of your phone, lighting up again and again with his contact name, hyuck <3, make you feel even worse than it should. you pick up the call after his seventh try and without even letting him realize, you begin your pent up rant.

“lee donghyuck, for the love of god, can you put aside your inflated ego for just one second and realize how much of a dick you’re being? i checked the fucking time before i called you, you’re not working, you’re at your hotel, it’s eleven at night over there. i’m fed up with you taking out all your shit on me. i’m your girlfriend, not your punching bag, jesus christ.”

you stop to catch your breath when you realize the tears have unleashed themselves and are now running freely along the crevices of your face. you feel a sob bubbling up your throat and you willingly let it out, your phone dropping within the abyss of the bed. it’s sad, the way your body ricochets with ripples of wilting emotion, echoing the feelings that have waited too long and have expanded twofold in even the tiniest moments of weakness. clutching your chest, you crawl to where your phone landed, motions lacking energy and will. 

before you can reach your phone, a soft, “y/n,” fills the empty void of the room. it’s hard to hear but the second it fills your ears, your heart constricts in a way it never has before whenever donghyuck calls your name. your eyes are blurry and your head is suddenly so heavy, you doubt you’ll ever be able to lift it again. it takes you three tries before you successfully thumb the button to hang up.

it’s nights like these that set your heart on fire; the type of fire that burns and kills. the empty room, the empty apartment, engulfs your body as if it were a mere speck of dust, invisible to the naked eye. you feel tiny in ways that are so not cute and it’s that very thought that pierces your mind to the edge of exhaustion, your emotional escapade coming to an end.

with everything in consideration, donghyuck thinks he’s prepared, or as prepared as he could be, standing outside your apartment, waiting for you to open up. his heart is loud in his chest, almost begging for his attention, but he ignores the sensation and takes a deep breath. 

among all his hopes and dreams, he wishes the most to see you again. it’s not like he didn’t think he deserved it but the silent treatment had really taken a toll on him. and with the constant pang in his chest alerting him of his failures, he’s reminded that you’re feeling the same, if not double at the cost of his actions. so if you decide not to open up, despite him knowing deep down that you will, he understands.

donghyuck’s feet tap nervously on the ground, itching for him to do something, anything. to knock until his knuckles bleed or ram into the door with full force, he’s sure that would relieve the urges. his body aches to be in the same room as yours, the weeks apart tearing him inside out. he unlocks his phone, to pass the seconds or just to look at the last text he’d sent you three hours ago, still read and unreplied. i just landed. i’ll be at your place by 7.

he sighs, a deep and earthy tone to his voice, covered in the frustration and stresses that have been tensing his shoulders for the past two weeks, waiting for this day to come. he pockets his phone and rings the buzzer one more time before his hand drops limply down his side, now drumming a rapid beat upon his jeans. 

as the door before him swings open, he feels anything but ready. instead, he feels shy and embarrassed to show up at your door front. the many words he’d rehearsed over and over again on his flight back had escaped his memory altogether. you’re donned in a large tee that he recognizes as his, so large on you that he can’t see what shorts you’re wearing underneath or if you’re even wearing shorts. your hair is messy and unkempt, framing your face in a way that only he would think is cute. donghyuck suddenly feels overdressed in his jeans and an environmental awareness graphic tee that you had gifted him a while back, a black blazer carefully thrown over but then again, he only came here looking like this because it’s your second anniversary. he bites down on his lips as he realizes that instead, you may be feeling underdressed. 

the eye contact he holds is broken as you step aside to let him in and he notes the way your arms are folded over your middle indicating one of two things. either you really do feel underdressed or it’s a sign that you don’t want him touching you. he decides to play it safe and steps through the threshold of your apartment, walking right past you. he does, though, catch the brief look of expectancy followed by disappointment that creases your brows and he takes a subconscious step back as he tries to decide if he should go for the usual hug and kiss anyways. he immediately backtracks when he sees that the timing has already passed for a greeting, inwardly wincing at his awkwardness.

slipping his shoes off as you lock the door, donghyuck enters the living room beside you, eyes scanning the room that’s lit by only a singular standing lamp and the pinky orange hues of the sunset falling through your sheer curtains. he can smell food in the air, something on the stove or in the oven, and he takes a swerve to the kitchen, the table set aside brimming with an abundance side dishes and all his favorite meats, grilled to perfection. he also sees even more of the same food on the counter, packaged in stacks of tupperware, with the labels ‘127’ and ‘dream’ written on pastel post-its. of course, he thinks, even when your mad, you’re still as considerate as humanly possible.

he’s shifting on his weight, unsure of what to say or do to show you that he feels entirely undeserving of your kindness despite being undoubtedly upset at him. donghyuck wants to facepalm himself because you beat him to it.

“have you eaten yet?” your voice is light but laced with a solemness he wishes he could wash away. he watches as you clench and unclench the material of his shirt, an emotionally grounding mechanism of yours he’s noticed every time you're on the verge of breaking down. he clears his voice before answering, “no, let’s eat.”

he turns to sit at the table when he realizes that there’s only one serving of food on the table. one bowl of rice, one cup of water, cold without ice like he likes it, and enough side dishes for just one person. he knows you’re not petty enough to make him watch you eat all his favorite foods but he’s even more saddened by the fact that it’ll be the other way around. you don’t want to eat with him.

“are you not eating?” he questions, though he knows the answer. donghyuck is sure that all his past ancestors are frowning upon him. it’s only right that his eyes dim when you give him a shake of your head, taking steps to sit at the seat across from where he was to be seated. following suit, he sits down whilst asking, “why not?” 

“i’m not hungry, that’s all.”

“oh, i see.”

a thick silence follows and it feels almost suffocating for donghyuck to sit in. he wishes more than anything now to have the courage to tell you what he needs to say. the words are lodged too far down in his throat so he settles for a, “how have you been?” between consuming mouthfuls of rice and glancing up at you as he chews. he feels he can quite literally see the cogs turning in your head to figure out what to say and he thinks he also knows the answer you will conclude to. an, “i’ve been better,” confirms his thoughts, his years upon years experiences proving to be top notch. “how about you?” he hesitates before speaking and starts with a, “me too, been better,” but you knew that look like the back of your hand. he had something else to say.

the frown that sits upon your lips irritates donghyuck, having been his job to chase it away, so he hurries to finish his food, almost choking and deepening your frown. he inhales every last grain of rice, piece of meat, speck of crumb, and ounce of water before setting down the chopsticks, tummy full and mindset prepped, for real this time.

truth be told, it’s not everyday that you and him get into fights but he’s always the one that’s petty enough to start them, hence his adequate knowledge on what to say after, how to say it, when to say it. “y/n,” he starts and makes sure to give a pause to make sure your attention is all his; more or less you feel as if you already know his next words, slightly annoyed that your second anniversary will go down in history as just another of his many apologies. worst part was, you could never bring yourself to doubt his true intentions, no matter what he did.

“i’m not going to lie, i was annoyed at you for calling. i was frustrated and stressed from the workload but among all that i was also selfish, and inconsiderate. and yes, i was the biggest dick to the bestest girlfriend.” if anyone was to give the most sincere of apologies, you knew it was to be donghyuck. he had so many love languages, and people would usually interpret this as his touchy nature, but you knew more than anyone that his words seemed too poetic and too perfectly curated to be deemed inferior to his touches. 

donghyuck, himself, likes to think that all he knows about love is from you. he doesn’t just like to think but he knows, amongst the millions of other things he knows regarding his girlfriend, that you will be the only girl ever to make him want so much. you drag out his desires by a tenfold and equally bring out the best in him. it’s a fact he keeps to himself but ever so persistently, that you are the one that keeps him going, day and night. he’s never been much of a romanticist, but trust when he says that his love for you was slow and gradual in the most beautiful way. like honey and molasses dripping at a crawling pace only to sweeten up the surfaces it graces. his love for you ages like fine wine and savors like a setting sun against a backdrop of stars. you will never need a man more than you need donghyuck, and donghyuck, you.

with all above considered, heaving and placed in the most carefully constructed sentences, he almost bulldozes through the next speech he’s prepared, checking off the bullet points in his head as he’d goes. he’s a stuttering and leg-bouncing mess from the sheer nervousness of how to get this to play out exactly as it does in his head.

biting his lips, he dives in, “y/n, i know you. i really do. i’ve known you for almost a decade and i’ve spent most of that decade trying my best to get to know you, chasing after you until you saw me the way i saw you. the last two years have shown me that all the time i spent being hung up on you was beyond worth it. jeno told me i needed to move on because you’d never see me as more than a friend, renjun gave me a list of girls he thought would match with my personality better, and my managers honestly hated you. but for some reason, i never gave a fuck. and i think it’s because that i’ve always known that we were going to end up together somehow. but actually dating you, i think i’ve known, since exactly two years ago from today, that you were the one.”

your breath hitches, oh how wrong you were thinking you knew exactly what he was to say. you feel lightheaded and spontaneous at the same time, like a sickness birthed from sheer joy. it’s as if you could feel the blood coursing through your veins, suddenly hyper-aware of your surroundings, of him. your suspicions are there and your eyes start to widen in panic and doubt in place of your immediate happiness. donghyuck senses this and clears his throat to finish his long winded confession.

“we’re still young, baby, we have no need to rush into this. but i was thinking of what to give you for a two year anniversary that’s meaningful and conveys exactly how much i love you. the fight made it really clear for me though,” he tucks his hand into the inner pocket of his blazer and withdraws a simple tiffany blue box. “i was in new york, for just a night, but i was passing by the store and it just clicked. this-“ he opens the cased ring box to reveal a simple silver band, with the letters of his initials engraved along the inside, ”is a promise ring, from me to you. i promise you, that i will be the one to marry you. trust in me when i say that there is nothing else that comes to mind when i think of my future. my future is you, y/n, nothing can change that. not a petty fight, or my job and your education, or the media even. it’s me and you, baby, till the end of time.”

his eyes are shining with tears that mimic the ones spilling from your own tear ducts. a small laugh ruptured at the back of your throat at how he ended his little speech with such a cheesy line but you barely have time to recollect yourself before donghyuck takes the box in his hands and removes the ring from its hold. he slips your right hand into his with ease and tugs it closer to slide the ring onto your ring finger because, “we’re not actually engaged, more like pre-engaged.” his heart has such a close hold on yours as he reaches into his suit pocket again, your eyes widening at the prospect of yet another surprise. 

it’s another ring, the same fashion as the one on your finger except with your initials carved into the inner ring. at this point you can’t understand why donghyuck has such a nervous look on his face, you’d say yes to almost anything he asks of you in this state. “i would also like to know… if you would make the same promise to me.” you don’t even bother saying yes, just taking the ring into your own fingers and slotting it onto the ring finger on his right hand. his face flushes almost instantly at your bold actions, even if he was the one that practically proposed to you today.

it takes everything in you to suppress the smile that’s already washing over your face, worried you’ll ruin the moment by looking too gleeful. the man across from you looks about the same except he’s failing miserably at keeping the joy from lining his features, maybe on purpose. donghyuck may or may not be completely head over heels for you, now over the moon that the two of you were back on good terms. his chest is light and his head is a little sluggish, only thinking of you and you-related things, like he’s been drugged by … by your love. his head is reeling at the tight smile that is a dead giveaway to what you’re not expressing and the way your eyes glance down every two second at the ring on your finger. he takes a glance at it as well and his heart swells infinitely because he knows that there is one on his own finger as well. the internal dialogue that you’re having with him is clear as day. your eyes are sparkling as if to say ‘i love you,’ your toes are tapping lightly on his sock-clad ones as if to say ‘i love you,’ and he’s noticed that your position hasn’t changed in the last ten minutes despite your usually fidgety disposition; that itself, donghyuck reads as a giant ‘i fucking love you.’

needless to say, it’s nights like these that sear your heart with ecstasy every living, breathing moment. donghyuck doesn’t voice any opposition when you pull him to bed right after, not even bothering to place the dishes in the sink. naked in bed, his love for you is the closest thing he knows to home and your love for him, the same. you suppose that you may have been viewing the world through rose-tinted glasses that night, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t looking forward to the day the love of your life gets down on one knee to fulfill his promise, the very same day you were to say yes to fulfill yours. 

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

[writingwithadinosaur]

“Alibi” - Oneshot

“Alibi” - Oneshot

My Masterlist - Here

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Malcolm Bright x Reader, Gil Arroyo x Daughter!Reader

Word Count: 2,000-ish

Key: Y/N = Your Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color

Warnings: Mentions of murder, cursing. Large chunks of text in italics mean that it is a flashback.

Summary: After your boss is murdered, you are brought in as a suspect. In order to prove your innocence, you have to reveal a secret to your father. 

Author’s Note: This was one of those ideas that hit me like a train right as I was about to go to bed, so I scribbled as much as I could down and tried to make sense of it the next day.

We’re also gonna pretend that Gil and Jessica aren’t a thing cause then that would make this story a bit awkward.

This is not beta read, so let me know if there are any mistakes! 

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces, check out my tag list above and let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, (Y/N), got any news for me?” Your boss, Mr.Naruski asked from his desk chair, casually weaving a pen in between his fingers. It was lunchtime and you had gotten salads from the meditarrian place that he liked.

“Well, Simon wanted to move his meeting with you to Friday, but there would be no way to do that unless we add another 4 hours to the day. Oh! And Mrs.Krewnshe asked me if--”

“(Y/N), sweetheart! We are on our lunch break! Which means I don’t want any news with my clients unless it's urgent. I meant news in the world of the best secretary in New York!” 

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes a little bit and smile. Mr.Naruski was a true blessing when it came to employers. He owned his own architecture business in New York and somehow wasn’t a complete asshat like some of your previous bosses. He and his wife were incredibly caring and truly understood that you had to be a human in order to work with other humans. The respect you got here was well worth the daily commute!

“Well, if you really want to know... My boyfriend set up a nice, and very last minute, date for us tonight.” You couldn’t hide the true smile that spread across your lips. Mr.Naruski leaned forward and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh? And where is this ‘nice’ date happening, if I might ask?” 

“I’m not sure. He wouldn’t tell me. All he said was to be ready by 6 because we have reservations for 6:45. But I have a feeling it’s that new modern industrial place that I was telling you about. He knows I love to walk past it and appreciate the details. While I don’t think I’ve ever said out loud that I like it or would like to go inside, he has a great ability to read me.” 

Your smile grew a little more as your eyes drifted slightly down, thinking about all the times your boyfriend picked up on the smaller details in the past. He was good with surprises. Mr.Naruski watched how this interaction brought out your best side. The two of you finished your lunches and got back to work. 

Your boss had one more meeting this afternoon. It was with a company called Jetlan Inc. From the small bit of conversation you heard as Mr.Naruski escorted his guests out, it was a successful meeting. He turned back to you once the door was closed and let out a relieved sigh.

“I take it everything went well?”

“As well as I could. They are going to take tonight to mull it over and then give us a call tomorrow. So expect Samuel to call at some point.”

You wrote down a little reminder to yourself on a sticky note “May get call from Jetlan Inc.” and placed it near your desk’s phone. You went back to typing out the schedule for next week when Mr.Naruski tapped a finger on your desk.

“How about you leave early today, (Y/N)?”

“Are you sure, sir? I can stay and help with the final prep for tomorrow’s deal if you want. I should also probably finish this schedule.”

“I think I can handle that on my own. And you can add your final touches tomorrow. You,” He stood up and walked around your desk and held out his hands. You put your hands in his and he helped you up before grabbing your coat from the coat rack. “Have a date to get ready for.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh. It was almost unbelievable to have a boss that really cared about your personal life as much as your professional one like he did. You just slipped on your coat and grabbed your purse, knowing that when Naruski made up his mind, it was set. He opened the door for you and put a hand on your arm.

“He told me to ‘love with my whole heart, but be smart enough to know when to use my brain instead.’ I think it was his way of saying ‘Be safe and have fun.’” 

A small but sad smile worked its way onto your face at the thought of him being so supportive. You felt a wave of tears coming, so you finished up your story to try to stop them from falling. 

“After that, I thanked him again, and I left to go back to my apartment and get ready. The next time I saw Mr.Naruski was the next morning, behind the crime scene tape blocking my office, dead.”

You couldn’t believe that just 24 hours ago, you were happily talking to your boss about your date. And now he was dead. Murdered in his own office, two hours after you had left. You were being questioned at the NYPD by none other than JT Tarmel, Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright, and your father, Gil Arroyo. 

No one spoke, they were taking in all of the details of your alibi. It felt like forever before Malcolm broke the silence. 

“Are there security cameras in your office?”

“Yes. There is one in the main office where my desk is positioned, one in Mr.Naruski’s office, and one in the hallway outside our door.”

“Great. We can check those. They’ll show (Y/N) leaving and should have a timestamp on them that we can check.

The team did their own little nods, still thinking about your alibi. They wanted to trust you, but they needed to think of every possible thing that could have happened, or if they could find any evidence to the real killer.

“Who did you go on a date with?” Dani was sitting about 6 feet to your right, a bottle of water in her hands as she leaned forward, elbows on the table. 

“I don’t see how my dating life is relevant to my boss being murdered in his office.”

Lies. You knew why she was asking. It was a major part of your alibi and it’s the only other way that they could concretely cross you off of the suspect list. JT jumped in to try to diffuse the situation, none of them aware of how much you didn’t want to share. 

“It's just another way that we can confirm your alibi, (Y/N).” 

You could see Gil adjusting his stance as he leaned against the wall to your left. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at your father, already feeling his intense stare boring into you. 

The room was silent, but the anxiety in your chest made it feel like the room was half of its real size. You kept your posture as straight as you could while you focused on your hands that were unconsciously fidgeting on top of the table.

“Tell us the kid’s name, (Y/N).”

“Why can’t you just check the cameras like Malcolm said? That’ll show when I left at around 4:30 yesterday afternoon and when I came back today for my shift but saw the tape instead! You could even check my apartment’s security cameras!”

“Woah! We will, (Y/N). We just want to be able to cover our asses and yours.” JT tried again to calm you down, everyone know seeing how uncomfortable the idea of sharing the details of your date made you. 

Your leg started to shake under the table, that was your cue that your anxiety was getting bad. You lock eyes with Malcolm. He sees how much you’re struggling and just gives you a short nod. You knew what he was trying to say, but you really didn’t want to agree. Malcolm then took a deep breath, trying to get you to do the same. You looked down and tried to take a deep breath in.

“Why can’t you just answer the question, (Y/N)?!” Gil didn’t yell, but you could hear the annoyance in his voice. It was the final hit that broke the last of your defenses.

“Because it's Malcolm, alright?!” 

Even you were a bit shocked at the slight frustration and exasperation in your voice. As everyone let that fact settle in their brains, you closed your eyes and took a couple deep breaths, trying to accept the fact that it was out in the open now. Malcolm made his way behind you and put a comforting hand on your shoulder, lightly rubbing this thumb to try and soothe you. You opened your eyes and stared at the center of the table, your hands now clasped together. 

“Last night I left work early to go get ready for a date with Malcolm Bright. He took me to that nicer place off of 47th that has the grey brick exterior with the iron corner details. We went there to catch a break from our lives because it's been so hectic lately and we haven’t had much time to just sit and enjoy each other’s company.” 

Our reservation was for 6:45 under Malcolm’s name. You can check with the manager there, go into their electronic reservation system, and see that we checked in and everything. Or Malcolm may have some sort of confirmation email. Now do I need to go into detail about what we ordered or what cocktail I was drinking, or am I good?”

You slowly looked up to meet your father’s eyes. You expected something upset in his eyes, but instead, they were very professional. He looked from you to Malcolm, who in turn nodded, confirming your story. Gil audibly inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his nose and he rubbed a hand down his face.  

“No. You’re good, kid.”

You look back to your hands and close your eyes, focusing on your breathing. You weren’t hyperventilating, but you definitely felt a weight in your chest. 

Dani and JT looked at each other, unaware of what to do in this situation. Malcolm looked from you back to Gil, his face slightly pleading. Gil quickly tilted his head towards the door, a small sigh of relief coming from Malcolm as he moved his hand to your arm and leaned down to quietly talk in your ear.

 “C’mon, (Y/N). Let’s get some air or something to drink, okay?”

You nodded and stood up as Malcolm grabbed your coat from the rack near the door. You took yours and slung it over your arm as Malcolm opened the door for you. Before you could leave, Gil spoke up.

“I will be seeing the two of you in my office in an hour though. We need to have a chat.”

You just nod and leave already knowing what this “chat” is going to be about. Malcolm was reaching for his coat when Gil’s voice resonated again.

“Malcolm, take care of her. Go to that shop around the corner. They have those little pastries she likes. And make sure your both are back here soon. We’re not done with this.”

“Will do.” Malcolm nodded and quickly left and caught up with you, walking you safely out of the NYPD.

With that, there was still a semi-awkward air in the meeting room. Dani quietly fiddled with her water bottle and let out a “Well…”

“Heh! Yeah. That was somethi--” 

Before JT could get further, Gil pointed at him and sternly said “Don’t.” JT just raises his hands in defense and backs off. Dani couldn’t help but smirk a bit at the sight of JT getting called out. 

“So where do we go from here?” Dani calmly asked the room. 

“We need to get the security footage from the office building and (Y/N)’s apartment complex. Get in contact with the restaurant owner and see if we can check their reservation system, if not, ask Malcolm if he has any email from their reservation.”

“On it.” JT confirmed as he left the room to head to his desk and start working. Gil leaned on the table, thinking for a moment. “What do we know about this Jetlan Inc.?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tags:  @malindacath @shadowfoxey @whovianayesha @melconnor2007 @ashenfallsof @geeksareunique @all-by-myself98 @sj-thefan

[thegeekyblondegirlwholovesstars]

the pogues and your anxiety

Hey guys this was an idea that I had in the shower, I hope it’s not totally shitty. It’s honestly what I wish someone would do for me on my bad days lol. I hope you enjoy this headcanon, although I kinda wrote it like a fic so its kinda a headcanon and fic smoothie if you will. Also it’s unedited I’m sorry! Much love!!! I hope you enjoy:)

Warnings: Anxiety and panic attacks. 

not my gif :)

you’re Topper’s sister but you couldn’t be more different from your twin brother

despite your differences he is super overprotective of you and he was not thrilled when you started hanging with the pogues after Sarah started dating John B

Topper cared about you more than anything and the two of you had been through hell and back together

when you started dating JJ he didn’t talk to you for a week, but after seeing how happy you were with him he fully supported you and helped you hide your relationship from your mom

“Maybank if you hurt her I swear to god” 

“Calm down pretty boy, I care about her just as much as you do.” 

your mom put enormous pressure on you, even more than she put on Topper and after your dad left your already bad anxiety got even worse

Topper always dealt with your mom’s criticisms better than you had

most of the time he’d take the heat of her moods and warn you when she was upset to prevent your anxiety attacks

it wasn’t a very long time after you started hanging out with the pogues that they had each witnessed one of your attacks

the first one to see you break down was Kie, you were at the wreck with her and Sarah but Sarah knew about your anxiety from when she had briefly dated your brother

you were helping Kie close down for the night before a party at the boneyard when your thoughts started racing your hands started shaking and your heart started racing causing you to drop the plate you were washing

Kie came running when she heard the glass shatter, she found you on the floor curled up into yourself rocking back and forth, hyperventilating and hysterically crying

“Y/n! What's wrong!!?? SARAHH!” 

Sarah came into the back and she knew exactly what was happening as soon as she saw you

“She’s having an anxiety attack, get her some water and her sweatshirt from the front.”

Topper had told Sarah all about your anxiety and taught her how to calm you down from an attack. Sarah knelt down beside you, carefully avoiding the shattered porcelain from the dish, and began tracing straight lines down each of your arms and then your legs and then your face

“Count with me Beanie” hearing the nickname you had been given by your dad grounded you slightly and allowed you to focus on the lines Sarah was tracing on your skin and her counting

“One..breathe...two...breathe...three” 

This way of grounding you is one that Topper had figured out after two or three bad attacks, which when you were younger came from fighting with your mother

“I’m good.” you shuddered not making eye contact with your best friend

Your heart rate began to slow back down to normal and you were now breathing normally, your thoughts began to subside but your body was still shaking

Kie came back in now with your sweatshirt and water in hand, wringing the sleeves of your sweatshirt brought you into your normal head space

Taking a few sips of the water you finally looked back up at both of the girls. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to freak you out Kie.”

“No, no, babes you don’t have to apologize I just didn’t know about it.” 

You explained your anxiety to Kie and she embraced you, “It’s nothing to be ashamed of we all have our struggles and bad days. We’re hear for you y/i” (your initial)

“Thank you” you smiled at her as Sarah pulled you to your feet. “Please don’t tell the boys, I know they’re going to find out eventually but I haven’t figured out how to talk to JJ about it yet.” 

“I promise I won’t tell them, it’s not my place. You can talk to all of us about it when you’re ready and I’ll act as if I’m finding out for the first time too.” Kie rubbed your shoulder before grabbing a broom to clean up the shattered plate. 

“Were you thinking about your mom?” Sarah asked

“No, sometimes they just hit me like that, for no reason.”

Sarah nodded understandingly.

The next to see you break down was John B, unfortunately Sarah was not there to calm you down so that day you discovered a new way to ground yourself

You were at the Chateau with John B while Kie and Sarah picked up JJ and Pope from Heywards. You got a text from your mom about your score on the practice SAT you had taken that previous weekend, she was disappointed. You spiraled. 

John B freaked at first and started talking more to himself than to you. “Okay um remain calm.” “Water, water, yeah that’ll help.” “Y/n can you talk to me about what's going on.” 

You shook your head unable to form words. 

Trying to think of a way to calm you down, John B dropped the needle onto the vinyl on the record player. It was a Beatles record and Strawberry Fields started playing. Focusing on the crackling of the record and the melody of the song you were able to calm yourself down and bring yourself out of the frenzy. 

“Y/n?” John B stood in the kitchen with his hands on his head and a worried look on his face. 

“Anxiety attack…” you didn’t meet his eye, “don’t mention this to JJ please.”

“Don’t mention what to JJ?” your wonderfully devilish blonde boyfriend walked through the back door. 

Straightening up immediately and expertly masking your now slowing myriad of thoughts you crossed the room to your boy. “Nothing baby, I have a surprise for you  and I couldn’t hold it in so I was just telling John B.” you planted a quick soft kiss on his lips before wrapping your arms around his waist. 

He pulled you closer, “Alright babe, you know don’t have to do anything for me.” he smiled down at you.

“I know but I want to.” you grinned into his chest. Inhaling his scent, composed of weed, sunscreen, and cologne, helped you slow your heart rate. He had become your safe space. 

It wasn’t until the annual summer movie night that JJ found out about your anxiety, you were sitting between his legs while he played with your hair and rubbed your back when you felt your thoughts start to race.

Not wanting to scare him off you quickly stood up “I’ll be right back” 

JJ new something was wrong when you didn’t meet his gaze

You scanned the crowd for your brother as your thoughts began to race and you felt your chest tighten

You ran behind the screen and began pacing as your hands started to shake and your breathing became more rapid, several minutes passed and you were unable to ground yourself by focusing on the dialogue of the movie. Everything sounded distant and you couldn’t distinguish any words. 

Due to your long absence JJ followed you, your eyes widened as soon as you saw him. You didn’t want him to see you spiral and you were already caught in the hurricane of your thoughts. 

You uncharacteristically yelled at your boyfriend, “JJ GO GET TOPPER. PLEASE!” 

You began sobbing and sunk to the ground against a tree.

JJ walked forward, “Baby whats wrong?  What happened? Talk to me?” JJ reached his arm out to you.

You shrugged his hand away, “TOPPER” you whined again. 

Your brother must have heard you because he emerged from around the screen.

“Maybank what the hell did you do to her. I swear I’m gonna kill you.” Topper then saw you and realized it wasn’t JJ’s doing.

He ran over to you and began tracing lines down your arms. From left to right. Then your legs in the same pattern. Then down your face. It took three repetitions before you opened your eyes and your breathing slowed. 

“Bean, I’m here. What caused it?”

You shook your head, “I don’t know T” 

Your twin nodded and pushed your hair behind your ear and straightened your pastel yellow zip up before pulling you to your feet

JJ stood ten feet away with tears in his eyes. 

“I’ll leave you guys to talk.” Topper kissed your forehead, “I’ll see you at home, I can pick up some fries, soup, and Coca Cola if you want me too?”

Nodding at your brother you grasped his hand before he walked toward JJ. 

When he reached JJ he whispered so that you wouldn’t hear, “Be gentle man, she’s been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this for months now.” 

You weakly smiled at the ocean eyed boy from where you were standing. When your brother disappeared around the screen you ran over to JJ and wrapped your arms around him. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner bubs.” 

“Whats going on?” 

“I have anxiety.” you found it hard to meet his eye but you forced yourself to look up at his tanned and freckled face which wore an expression of concern. “Sometimes my thoughts go really fast and I can’t control it and I have a panic attack. Other times I just get really bad and I can’t get out of bed and I don’t want to do anything. Those are the days that you guys don’t see me and I don’t text you till the nighttime.” 

JJ’s eyes softened and he stroked the side of your cheek with his thumb. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I’d scare you off. This is what I didn’t want John B to tell you a few weeks ago and Kie has known for a few months and Sarah kn-”

JJ kissed you with a sweet and caring passion. “You don’t have to worry about scaring me with anything. I’m here for the long haul. I love you bub.” 

He lightly kissed your nose before pressing his forehead to yours. “Tell me how I can calm you down, because I have no idea what Top just did. I was under too much duress to focus on what he was doing.” 

You giggled. “Honestly I don’t know exactly what calms me down, it depends on the person. That’s what Topper has done since we were kids and he taught Sarah how to do it but John B figured something else out. I think it will just be trial and error. You know me baby, you’ll know what to do when the time comes and you need to ground me.”

He interlocks his fingers with your own. “Okay y/n, wanna get back to the movie?”

“Yeah, I love you too by the way.” 

He kissed your hand and the two of you went back to the movie. 

The next day you told Pope and talked to everyone about your struggles with anxiety, Sarah taught everyone the tried and true method to calming you down. 

A few days later you were planning to go out to a kook party with the pogues but when you woke up, it was one of your bad days. You pulled yourself out of bed and jumped in your car, after shooting Topper at text to let him know to cover you, you headed to the Chateau. 

JJ wasn’t awake when you got there but you literally just plopped yourself into the bed in the spare room which was essentially JJ’s, he pulled you closer subconsciously. 

“Hey baby,” you cooed with an undertone of sadness in your voice. 

“Whatcha doin here so early?” JJ gumbled his voice thick and raspy with sleep. 

“Having a bad day bub.”

JJ was suddenly more awake. His eyes were opened and he was more alert but he had no intention of leaving the bed so he pulled you even closer and began to trace your silhouette with his fingertips. 

“Wanna stay in tonight?” 

You nodded. Choking back tears you mumbled, “I don’t wanna move at all today.”

“Okay my love then we won’t, I’m sure everyone won’t mind having a quiet night tonight.” 

“Okay.” you grinned slightly, turning and nuzzling into his chest you both fell back to sleep. 

When you woke up JJ wasn’t there, your face fell but you grabbed your phone to see if your brother had texted you. 

Topper had in fact texted you: “I told Mom that Sarah surprised you with an early trip to Chapel Hill and you took the first ferry this morning.” A wave of relief washed over you, “Okay I’ll be sure to let Sarah know that we were on the mainland today and you won’t see me at the party tonight. Bad day, I’ll be home later to take care of your drunk ass tho. Xoxo, love you bro.” 

You also had a text from JJ: “I went to the wreck to let everyone else know the plan for tonight, JB is still asleep. I’m bringing you back muffins courtesy of Kie. Love you bub. - J” you smiled, your boyfriend's sweet action lifted your mood slightly, “Thank you my love. I’ll see you later.”

You decided to jump in the shower in hopes that it would make you feel slightly better. But when you got in the shower your heart sank immediately, that familiar hollow feeling came to you. You sank to the ground and buried your head in your knees. Rather than racing, your thoughts were slow but booming. You let your hair fall over your face as your thoughts, self doubts, and insecurities consumed you. 

When JJ returned he heard the water running, so he decided to set out one of his shirts on the sink for you, along with a clean towel. 

“You okay babe?”

You weakly hummed a response, so JJ pulled back the curtain. His heart broke a little at the sight of you on the floor curled in a ball with the water running over you. JJ stripped off his navy tank and board shorts and joined you in the shower. 

When he stepped in and closed the curtain he pushed the hair out of your face and lifted your chin. “Will you stand up for me love?” 

You nodded slightly, he pulled you up and into his arms. He held you close to his muscular chest while the water ran over both of you. Tucking his chin to his chest he placed a kiss on the top of your head before grabbing the shampoo bottle and signaling for you to turn around. He massaged the shampoo into your scalp gently, allowing it to foam and watching you unwind under his touch. 

JJ turned off the water and grabbed the towel off the counter wrapping it around you. He then grabbed his own towel and wrapped it around his waist. Once you were all dried off he placed his shirt over your head and made you a comfy spot on the couch. He went into his room to get dressed and grabbed his hairbrush and ran it through your hair. When he was done you relaxed into his arms. 

“Thank you baby, I needed that.”

“Always princess,” he planted a kiss on your lips before turning on your favorite show.

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