#< and the joy of that is that it can be both literal AND metaphorical woohoo!!!!!!!!

[rainydetectiveglitter]

Astro Notes

🌞 Sun in the 6H — The Sun in the house of labor, illness, and service directs your vitality toward structure and hard work. You are driven to find purpose and recognition in environments of routine and functionality. This position speaks of leadership through service, but there is also a call to rise above being underappreciated or overworked. Your life path is defined by crafting stability in often overlooked spaces.

🌙 Moon in the 8H — The Moon here ties your emotional life to themes of shared resources, death, and deep transformation. Your instincts are heightened when dealing with the unseen or emotional undercurrents of others. You might feel a constant tension between security and uncertainty, but this grants you a unique ability to rebuild from loss. Subtle emotional mastery develops as you navigate hidden realms of intimacy and power.

🗣 Mercury in the 5H — Mercury shines in this house of pleasure and creativity, giving you a lively mind for joyful expression. Artistic, romantic, or recreational endeavors thrive under your ability to weave intellect into fun. You communicate with wit and charm, making you skilled at teaching or storytelling. Romantic pursuits may unfold around shared humor or stimulating conversations.

💖 Venus in the 6H — Venus in the house of duty brings grace and charm to your daily habits. You value harmony in work and practical environments, often excelling in professions related to wellness, aesthetics, or partnerships. This placement makes it easy to form positive collaborations, but you might need to guard against becoming overly attached to routines or acts of service as your only source of pleasure.

🔥 Mars in the 6H — Mars here energizes and agitates themes of labor and routine. Hardworking and disciplined, you tackle challenges with focus but may face conflicts in work or health-related areas. This placement thrives in environments demanding precision and endurance but can push too far into stress or burnout. Success comes through learning to channel your drive without depleting your energy.

💫 Jupiter in the 4H — Your foundation is imbued with abundance and expansion. A fortunate home life or strong cultural ties may support your growth. This placement often points to a joyful upbringing or a prosperous inheritance, whether literal or symbolic. You feel most fulfilled when nurturing your roots and creating a sanctuary for yourself or others.

⏳ Saturn in the 8H — Saturn brings gravity to matters of shared wealth and the mysteries of life. You face karmic lessons in accepting the limits of control in financial or transformative circumstances. Through steady diligence, you develop mastery in managing the boundaries of resources and intimacy. Inheritance or debts, both literal and metaphorical, may present challenges that ultimately forge resilience.

⚡ Uranus in the 7H — Relationships are avenues of change and awakening. Your partnerships often involve unconventional dynamics or sudden turns, pushing you to redefine connection and freedom. You may be drawn to partners who challenge societal norms, and you inspire those around you by modeling individuality within commitment.

🌊 Neptune in the 7H — A dreamy quality surrounds your unions, blending love with ideals and sometimes illusions. This placement highlights spiritual and creative partnerships, but discernment is key to avoiding disillusionment. True fulfillment arises when connections allow for shared higher vision without losing clarity or authenticity.

🗝 Pluto in the 5H — Creative and romantic expressions carry depth and intensity. You experience transformation through your pursuit of joy, often finding that the most meaningful moments come after profound change or loss. Whether through art, children, or love, you approach these areas with a powerful magnetism that leaves lasting impacts.

🦋 Chiron in the 3H — Early struggles with communication or learning fuel your eventual mastery in these areas. You might serve as a guide to others, offering wisdom on finding one's voice or bridging divides. Vulnerability becomes a strength, making your insights resonate deeply.

🌿 Ceres in the 10H — Your nurturing gifts influence your public reputation or career. People see you as a caretaker or a provider, often turning to you for support in times of need. Professional fulfillment lies in roles that allow you to nourish others or grow something meaningful.

🛡 Pallas in the 8H — Your strategies shine in the realm of transformation and shared power. You excel at navigating complex emotional or financial terrains with clarity and ingenuity. This placement suggests a gift for guiding yourself and others through shadow work or difficult but necessary changes.

💍 Juno in the 4H — Deep commitment to home and family defines your partnerships. Your closest bonds are shaped by shared roots or a mutual goal of creating emotional security. Marriage or long-term unions may play out with themes of loyalty tied to domestic life.

🔥 Vesta in the 9H — Your dedication to truth and exploration defines your life’s sacred purpose. Whether through higher learning, spiritual journeys, or philosophical pursuits, you treat these endeavors with reverence. You are fueled by a desire to seek and embody wisdom.

🌀 Node in the 5H — Your destiny pulls you toward embracing joy, passion, and creation. Past tendencies to focus on group dynamics or intellectual detachment are now transformed through personal, heartfelt expression. Growth comes through tapping into your ability to inspire through love and art.

🐍 Lilith in the 10H — Lilith's placement here marks your public image with raw, defiant energy. Others may view your career or reputation as unorthodox, even rebellious, and you might find yourself challenging the expectations society places on you. This is a powerful placement for claiming authenticity, but it may come at the price of being misunderstood. Through embracing your unique vision, you become a force others cannot ignore.

🍀 Fortune in the 11H — Prosperity flows through your connections with groups and shared ideals. Alliances and friendships often lead to unforeseen blessings, with luck arising when you collaborate on collective endeavors. Engaging with like-minded communities opens doors to fulfillment and opportunity.

[sofiatarot]

What legacy will I leave in my career and in the world? PAC READING

TIP JAR - FREE READINGS - PAID READINGS

Let’s explore how your art influences the world. I believe everything can be art in its potential and essence—whether it's something literal, like an artistic creation, or any career or path you’ve chosen. Your life is your art, and you are the artist.

We’ll look at how your career affects the world, either directly or indirectly.

1-2

3-4

Little note: I’m aware of the old belief that only "famous" or public figures can leave a mark or create a before-and-after impact. But let me clarify: we are all here for a reason. Each of us contributes to either the improvement or decline of the world. We all hold the same level of importance and impact on a soul/spirit level. Everything else is just appearances.

Please always remember that what you do matters, and by following your passion, you are energetically helping and contributing to the world. We are all responsible for creating a new world—heaven on Earth.

Group 1:

Your legacy will be one of resilience, strategy, and transformation. You’re someone who has faced challenges with cleverness and a sharp mind, using your struggles as opportunities to rise above. The impact you leave on the world will stem from your ability to outmaneuver obstacles and show others how to adapt in difficult situations.

You are a visionary, someone who turns ideas into action. Your career will reflect bold, strategic moves that inspire others to take charge of their own destiny. The world will remember you as someone who took calculated risks and proved that intelligence and creativity can overcome even the harshest circumstances.

Your work is deeply rooted in truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. The heartbreaks and setbacks you’ve endured have only strengthened your determination to create something meaningful. While others may have faltered, you’ve used those experiences to fuel your purpose, teaching others to find strength in their vulnerability.

You are a leader who balances charisma with grounded wisdom. People are drawn to your confidence and warmth, and you’ll leave a legacy of empowerment, especially for those who felt unseen or undervalued. Your career will inspire others to embrace their unique qualities and step into their own light.

However, the journey hasn’t been without its sacrifices. You’ve faced periods of disconnection, where collaboration felt more like a burden than a joy. Yet these moments have taught you how to stand firm in your vision, reminding others that independence and collaboration can coexist.

Your legacy will also involve bridging gaps and building foundations. Whether through literal structures or metaphorical ones, your career will leave behind a sense of stability and progress. You’ve taught the world that true success requires both careful planning and the courage to act.

Your emotional depth is one of your greatest strengths, but it hasn’t always been easy to manage. At times, your passion has felt overwhelming or misdirected, but your willingness to face these emotions head-on has turned them into powerful tools of expression and connection.

You will be remembered as someone who brought people together, even when the odds seemed impossible. Your work will foster unity and understanding, teaching the importance of collaboration and shared vision.

Ultimately, your legacy will shine as a testament to resilience, transformation, and the power of a determined spirit. You’ve proven that even in the face of adversity, it’s possible to create something lasting and profound.

Group 2:

Your legacy is one of hope, healing, and the reclamation of power. You have walked through darkness and emerged stronger, and the world will remember you as a beacon for those who feel lost or defeated.

You’re a bridge between the past and the future. Your career is rooted in nostalgia and the lessons of history, yet it also pushes boundaries and redefines what is possible. This duality makes your work timeless, resonating across generations.

Your creative spark is undeniable, and your passion for growth and learning inspires others to take chances and embrace new opportunities. Even in moments of doubt, you’ve persevered, proving that beginnings and endings are all part of the same journey.

At times, your career has been shaped by power struggles and moments of uncertainty. These challenges have taught you the value of integrity and humility. You’ve learned that true authority comes from within, and your ability to rise above external pressures will leave an indelible mark.

Your legacy will include breaking societal norms and redefining success. You’re not afraid to challenge expectations, and your work reflects a balance between personal freedom and responsibility. This fearless approach will inspire others to embrace their individuality.

Your ability to adapt and rebuild will be a central theme in your career. Even when faced with failure or setbacks, you’ve found ways to pivot and keep moving forward. This resilience will show others that no situation is ever truly final.

You have a magnetic presence that draws people to you, but it hasn’t always been easy to manage. At times, your charisma has been misunderstood or underestimated, yet it’s precisely this complexity that makes your work so impactful.

You will leave behind a legacy of liberation—helping others free themselves from limiting beliefs and societal expectations. Your career will serve as a roadmap for anyone seeking to reclaim their power and redefine their identity.

Ultimately, your work will be remembered as a source of light in dark times, proving that healing and transformation are possible no matter the circumstances.

Group 3

Your legacy will be one of introspection, wisdom, and quiet power. You are a seeker of truth, someone who has delved deeply into life’s mysteries and emerged with profound insights. The world will remember you as a guide for those navigating their own paths.

Your career is marked by cycles of growth and reflection. You’ve embraced change as a necessary part of life, showing others that even setbacks can lead to new opportunities. This perspective will inspire many to keep moving forward, no matter the obstacles.

Creativity is at the heart of your legacy, but it hasn’t always been straightforward. You’ve faced blocks and moments of doubt, yet these experiences have only deepened your understanding of what it means to create authentically.

Your work challenges conventional ideas and explores themes that others might shy away from. You’re unafraid to confront the shadows, using your career as a platform to shed light on the hidden or misunderstood aspects of life.

You have a unique ability to balance intuition with logic, blending emotional depth with intellectual rigor. This combination makes your work both deeply personal and universally relevant, touching hearts and minds alike.

Your legacy will include breaking down barriers—whether cultural, emotional, or intellectual. You’ve shown that vulnerability and strength can coexist, and this message will resonate long after your career has ended.

At times, your path has been solitary, but this solitude has only strengthened your connection to your inner wisdom. You’ve used these moments to create work that is deeply meaningful, offering guidance to those who feel lost or disconnected.

You will be remembered as someone who brought clarity to confusion and hope to despair. Your work will serve as a reminder that even in the darkest times, there is always a way forward.

Ultimately, your legacy is one of transformation and enlightenment, leaving a lasting impact on those who encounter your work.

Group 4

Your legacy is one of empowerment, discipline, and mastery. You are a force to be reckoned with, and the world will remember you as someone who harnessed their power to create lasting change.

Your career is built on hard work and dedication. You’ve shown that success doesn’t come overnight but is the result of consistent effort and unwavering commitment. This message will inspire generations to pursue their dreams with determination.

You are a natural leader, someone who isn’t afraid to take charge and make tough decisions. Your work reflects this strength, and others will look to you as a model of confidence and capability.

Your ability to balance ambition with compassion is one of your greatest strengths. You’ve taught the world that success isn’t just about individual achievement but also about lifting others along the way.

At times, you’ve faced temptations or distractions, yet your ability to stay focused and disciplined has set you apart. This resilience will leave a lasting impression, showing others the importance of staying true to their goals.

Your career will include moments of collaboration and celebration, where your ability to bring people together shines. You’ll be remembered for creating spaces of joy and unity, teaching others the value of community and shared success.

You are deeply intuitive, even when you don’t always trust yourself. Over time, you’ve learned to listen to your inner voice, and this wisdom will guide others to do the same.

Your work challenges societal norms, pushing the boundaries of what’s possible and encouraging others to think outside the box. You’ll leave a legacy of innovation and progress, paving the way for future generations.

Ultimately, your legacy will be one of empowerment and transformation, proving that with focus, discipline, and heart, anything is possible. You’ve shown the world the power of perseverance and the beauty of a life lived with purpose.

xoxo🦋

[lilac-sweet]

I’ve seen a lot of posts discussing whether Solas and Mythal’s relationship was romantic in nature, or it was some kind of mother/son deal, but I think the answer is a lot simpler and staring us all in the face: Solas was Mythal’s dog.

So a lot has been said about how toxic Mythal and Solas’ relationship was, and I’m not gonna get into all that. What I will say, is that I believe the relationship’s power imbalance may have become gradually bigger after Solas took physical form at Mythal’s behest.

When Solas said: “I will always follow where you go”, we should take note of the word “follow”. Solas did not lead with the other Evanuris; he followed Mythal and had her markings on his face. Much like how Ghilan’nain followed Andruil, yet their relationship was romantic, and Ghilan’nain quickly agreed to take on a leadership role when offered. Solas did not. We don’t know whether he was never offered one or that he simply had no desire to lead (both might be true), but the disparity between Mythal and Solas’ positions were noted by those around them, and was interpreted (we hear it from Elgar’nan) as Solas being Mythal’s “lapdog”. This interpretation seemed to be the general consensus- proven by the many dog-like statues in Mythal’s temple, and Solas symbolically becoming known as a canine.

We don’t know how Solas felt being compared to a dog - perhaps the comparison seemed flattering/ less condescending in the beginning: we know that there are strong bonds between people and their animals in dragon age: Davrin and Assan, Kell and Hafter, and the general lore about Marbari dogs. “Turlum” is a powerful thing (as we see with Davrin and Assan) and may have been exactly how they felt about each other.

When we explore the lighthouse we come across a piano and a codex entry called “memories of a duet”:

the relief of private achievement, away from well-meant misunderstanding and mindless worship; an unspoken joy in the center of rising, perfect echoes.

Finally, a beloved memory surfaces. A smiling glance, meeting at a crescendo; a shared moment of understanding; seeing completely, and being wholly seen.

This entry seems to sum up their relationship quite well: “away from well-meant misunderstanding” (could refer to a romantic interpretation of their relationship), and “seeing completely, and being wholly seen.” (Turlum)

Whatever the relationship had started as, the power imbalance seems to have reached a peak around the time the Evanuris decided they wanted to lead their people as gods. We don’t know whether there actually was a power difference between the Evanuris and the rest of the elves when they were all spirits: my guess is there was one, but not a huge one: perhaps the difference between a normal person and a mage. When the Evanuris decided they were gods, they made a hard line in the sand: separating themselves from their people, and separating Mythal from Solas. This is also where the “lapdog” comment from Elgar’nan seems incredibly condescending.

The markings on his face no longer symbolize devotion, but ownership. He burns them off and instead of a dog becomes a wolf (using the allegory of Elgar’nan). An obvious metaphor here is that the markings symbolize a dog collar.

He frees the elves but becomes an unwilling symbol himself, thus separating him from his people after already having been separated from the Evanuris. The man literally becomes a lone wolf.

However, Mythal and Solas’ love for each other continues, and is obviously still strong when Solas asks Mythal to run away with him (at this point he must feel desperately lonely). What happens to Solas when Mythal dies can only be imagined: there’s a reason why Assan follows Davrin in death.

For the first time in his physical life he is truly alone and has to figure out who he is without Mythal. The only role he has ever known away from her, is the rebel leader. He doubles down on his efforts to stop the Evanuris and destroys the world of the elves in the process. His grief and regret over Mythal and the home of the elves chart his course from when he wakes up until inquisition.

With a friendly inquisitor and especially a romanced Lavellan he finds a new role, or rather, he rediscovers himself before Mythal: a spirit of wisdom. For the first time in a long time he also finds a companion: someone he can rely on. Someone who eases that lonely ache he must have felt for millennia.

There are many cool aspects of the Crestwood scene (romanced Lavellan), but the one I want to highlight is Solas’ reaction to the vallaslin: when he decides to tell her the truth of who he was/is, but chickens out the last second. He panics and the fact that he immediately jumps to the vallaslin says something about how tied it is to him psychologically. He doesn’t force Lavellan to get rid of it, but he certainly does his very best to convince her. It is the moment Solas truly sees Lavellan as his mirror image and his equal. She is another lone wolf, mindlessly worshipped and ostracized, but she still wears that damn collar.

I am convinced Solas knows rationally that the vallaslin no longer means what it once meant - Lavellan can even insist the Dalish have reclaimed it, and he still tries to convince her to get rid of it, because to HIM it symbolizes enslavement and it is a painful reminder of his own ties to Mythal (it is an even stronger parallel if the inquisitor drinks from the well and has Mythal’s markings).

This is also the difference between Mythal and Lavellan: one is the master (with every connotation) the other another wolf.

In conclusion: Mythal and Solas had the relationship of a master and their dog: a relationship that many with pets themselves can relate to, both in the aspect of devotion, companionship, and in the power imbalance. In a way the “mother” interpretation isn’t far off - it just so happens that Solas is a fur baby.

[mask131]

Another reminder that Greek mythology is always somehow symbolic, metaphorical, allegorical, since we are dealing with anthropomorphic personifications and other embodiments of cosmic powers.

For example: Demeter has sex with both Zeus and Poseidon. Something-something about the relationship of the Earth with the Sky and the Sea (or the celestial and chthonian powers). ESPECIALLY since these relationships are said to happen at the beginning of the world, in the primordial times during which the world settled itself for what it is now.

Herakles' wedding with Hebe, the personification of youth, checks in with when he becomes an immortal god (aka, an eternally young entity). What better way to symbolize a hero escaping the clutches of death than by him becoming the husband of the spirit of eternal youth?

Why is Hestia never leaving Olympus? Something-something about her being the literal personification of the hearth, which is at the center of the house/community and does not move.

Why is Ares getting his ass kicked by Athena? Because Athena is civilization, and Ares savagery, and in the Ancient Greek mindset intelligence, wisdom and craft will always be above brutality, bloodlust and random cruelty.

Do I need to spell it out that the myth of Persephone-Hades-Demeter is about the cycle of the seasons, and how the earth renews itself and brings back life after a time of death?

And I wonder why Ares' companions during his mass-slaughters are called Phobos, Deimos and Eris - Fear, Panic and Discord... Why would the goddess that breaks harmony and sows feuds and chaos be depicted as the close sister of the god of the ravages of war and of the brutality of conflicts, what a strange mystery!

And I can go on, and on, and on. Remember, the Greek gods aren't just super-heroes or wizards (that's more in line with more "humanized" mythologies, like the Irish or Nordic ones). They are embodiments of concepts and ideas, personifications of natural forces and cosmic powers, they are living allegories and fleshed metaphors. Zeus wields the lightning because he IS the lightning and thunder. Dionysos is both the bringer of joy and madness because he IS alcohol. Hades is both the name of the god of the dead, and of the realm of the dead. Hestia's name is literaly "hearth" in Greek, Hebe "youth", Nyx "night", Gaia "earth", Eros "desire". You can write "Eris met Helios at Okeanos' palace" or you can write "Strife encountered the Sun at the palace of Ocean" and that is the EXACT SAME THING!

[Mind you to limit the gods to being JUST allegories is also a mistake not to make. Greek deities are much more than just X concept or X idea... But one part of the myths will always be, down the line, some weather metaphor or some natural cycle motif]

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: your 2026 self's advice for 2025

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: creature feature: ghost - longing and lingering

return to the masterlist of pap/pac posts

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

pile one

allow yourself to be curious and have new beginnings. your 2026 self urges you to explore the opportunities that ignite your passion and creativity in 2025. trust the process and remain open to learning. small steps will set you up for big transformations.

focus on finding emotional fulfillment and building meaningful relationships. your 2026 self encourages you to cherish and nurture your connections in 2025 - this will be a year where love, family, and/or community brings you immense joy. don’t take any moments for granted...

celebrate your milestones, no matter how small. your future self reminds you that 2025 will bring accomplishments and reasons to feel proud. take time to acknowledge your hard work and enjoy life’s moments of stability and harmony. whether it’s a literal homecoming or a metaphorical one, find peace in your achievements.

let go of past disappointments. your future self acknowledges that 2025 will come with emotional challenges, but advises you to not dwell on losses/mistakes. look for the silver lining in difficult situations and shift your focus to what you can still build and/or salvage. healing is key to moving forward.

balance celebration with responsibility. your 2026 self may be warning against overindulgence or leaning too heavily on social distractions. evaluate your friendships and avoid gossip / superficial connections. focus on meaningful interactions and prioritize your personal growth.

pile two

prioritize balance and adaptability. your 2026 self reminds you that 2025 will be a year of juggling multiple responsibilities, whether in work, personal life, and/or both. time management and knowing when to set boundaries is crucial. stay flexible and focus on what truly matters - don’t stretch yourself too thin.

reconnect with your inner wisdom. your future self cautions that in 2025, you may feel disconnected from your intuition / inner truth. perhaps you’ll rely too much on external validation or suppress your instincts. make time for introspection and trust the quiet, subtle messages within you. avoid ignoring red flags, both in yourself and others.

break free from limiting beliefs. your 2026 self acknowledges that you may feel stuck or trapped in 2025, but reminds you that much of this is mental. the power to free yourself lies within - often you are the thing that stops you from feeling free. whether fear, self-doubt, and/or external pressures - and start taking steps to regain control. small acts of courage can dissolve large barriers.

seek structure and wisdom. your future self advises you to lean into tradition, mentorship, and/or a belief system in 2025 to ground yourself. perhaps this means returning to foundational practices, getting guidance from a teacher, and/or establishing a more disciplined approach to life. ensure you’re not blindly following authority either; question what aligns with your values.

embrace endings as a path to renewal. your 2026 self reminds you that while some parts of 2025 may feel difficult or final, these endings are paving the way for new beginnings. release what no longer serves you, even if it’s painful. trust that you’re shedding what’s necessary to step into a stronger, wiser version of yourself.

pile three

take control and stay determined. your 2026 self encourages you to approach 2025 with focus and willpower. even when obstacles arise, remind yourself of your goals and push forward. balance your emotions and logic to maintain control over your direction. success will come when you stay disciplined and driven.

reevaluate what truly makes you happy. your future self warns that in 2025, you may find yourself chasing goals that don’t align with your authentic desires. reflect on what “wish fulfillment” means to you and avoid settling for superficial happiness. true satisfaction comes from within, not from external validation.

proceed with caution and assess risks. your 2026 self advises you to be mindful of impulsive decisions in 2025. while new beginnings are on the horizon, take the time to plan and evaluate. avoid leaping into situations without considering potential consequences. trust in fresh starts but approach them with care.

let go of resistance to change. your future self sees that 2025 may challenge your ability to release old patterns or beliefs. if you find yourself feeling stuck, it’s likely because you’re resisting a necessary shift in perspective. surrender to the process, even if it feels uncomfortable. true growth comes from seeing things in a new light.

seize new opportunities for stability and growth. your 2026 self celebrates the tangible opportunities coming your way in 2025. whether it’s a career, financial, and/or personal project, there is a fresh start with the potential for long-term success. stay grounded, work hard, and nurture this new beginning - it has the power to flourish.

[elementroar]

Analysis of Paracelsus' initial bloodlust and its longlasting effects on A.B.A (Part 2)

Analysis behind the backstory and personal story arcs of A.B.A. and Paracelsus (part 1)

So this actually started out more of a 'funny' post, but I realized that it really is a very important insight into how A.B.A. and Paracelsus function and interact, especially for his earlier days in XX/Accent Core +R

And I wasn't joking about the vore. It's not in the erotic sense...but it certainly is in the 'literally eating parts of your partner ' sense...

Also apologies for the long word dumps, it got wordier and longer than I expected.

Paracelsus (used to) REALLY love blood

It goes without saying, Paracelsus really loves blood. Well he used to anyway.

By STRIVE, he says he felt he lost his sanity whenever he gets hyped on blood in the past. To the point, he has sworn off blood (and violence) as if it was an addiction. Basically, he has managed to go clean sometime between their last appearance and STRIVE.

To not go too far into his backstory again (which you can read here), Paracelsus is a magical axe that fed on blood and increased his own power with blood; and would use warriors as hosts to cause more bloodshed and thus gain more blood and power for himself. Paracelsus doesn't need to 'eat' blood to survive (he was left host-less for about 20 years, and now abstains in STRIVE and is just fine), making the addiction metaphor seem to be accurate.

Back in XX/ACCENT CORE, he needed to drink fresh blood to transform into his superpowered Moroha mode (this is mechanically replaced by Jealous Rage mode now). Similar to his current gameplay, he could get blood and transform by A.B.A. piercing someone with his bladed end; or if A.B.A. fed him one of three blood packs she'd have on her.

He reacts pretty much like a dog getting a treat, anticipating it when she reaches into her pockets for a pack too. And he truly didn't care where the blood comes from, even if it's from A.B.A. herself.

A.B.A. coughs up blood and all Paracelsus wants to do is have a taste. Note that he barely actually reacts to her or himself getting hit or fighting in the old games. It's kind of a stark contrast to his many reactions and concern for her wellbeing now.

Make no mistake, despite being "kinder and gentler" than how he treated his previous hosts - by not completely mind controlling her into a frenzy and caring enough that he doesn't want her to die - Paracelsus was truly obsessed with drinking blood still, and all the fighting skills and power he imparted on A.B.A. was to make her strong enough to defeat opponents and gather blood for him too. Hence the 'manipulation' he felt guilty of in STRIVE.

And he gets even more bloodthirsty in Moroha mode aka what Paracelsus is without his 'sanity'.

You're the worse you when on blood

Prior to STRIVE and Paracelsus' current sludgy form, his powered-up form gave him a goat's head and his persona changes into that of his old berserker self.

This increase in aggression and bloodlust also affected A.B.A. through their empathetic bond, making her also take joy in violence and also clearly hyperventilating and tweaking out in some animations, like she's high.

Not to mention that to fight in this mode, every time Paracelsus makes a successful attack, A.B.A. also gets damaged (hence 'Moroha' mode as it means 'double-edged'). In-universe, this could mean that Paracelsus is sapping both the blood of an opponent and A.B.A. at the same time, indiscriminately as he says.

And he seems somewhat crueler in this form, as he has an even more violent and vicious state above Moroha mode called Goku Moroha mode. He enters it by consuming another blood pack, but he also seems to bite down on A.B.A.'s hand without a care and holds onto it while he transforms.

The impact of all this on A.B.A

Picking up Paracelsus was truly a double-edged sword/axe for A.B.A. On one hand, he was older and savvier about the outside world (even though he spent like 20 years just rusting away on the ground somewhere) and having him as her emotional support key and literal weapon led her to actually daring to explore the outside world, and he provided and (attempted to) advised her on things she didn't know about.

On the other hand, Paracelsus' satiating his bloodthirst was still his main objective, and it was also hurting A.B.A. Although Paracelsus was making some effort to not outright get her killed, A.B.A's additional resilience as a homunculus probably also helped her survive take being Paracelsus' host as long as she did.

Paracelsus was the original toxic element in their relationship, and it's likely over the years he's come to realize and regrets the harm he was doing to A.B.A. constantly, and why he has completely sworn off blood and violence entirely by STRIVE.

However, his bloodlust fueled and amplified the worse tendencies of A.B.A. from early on, and this seems to have stuck with her till the present in STRIVE. Her current extremely violent reaction when feeling jealousy or anxiety is likely how she's been conditioned to do so by Paracelsus, even when he himself is no longer the source of that bloodlust.

The difference now is that A.B.A.'s new powered-up state of Jealous Rage is mainly fueled by her wrath and fear instead of Paracelsus' bloodlust. Paracelsus becomes sludge now, affected by the toxicity of her unstable emotions going haywire and her will becoming decidedly dominant over his. The one who is toxic has become inverted.

What's more, it seems that the skills Paracelsus imparted on her before also carried over and stuck with her, allowing her to fight independently since Paracelsus isn't trying to encourage her to violence this time. She's become so dominant that she now can even force a new form/transformation onto Paracelsus when she does her Overdrive The Law is Key, Key is King while in Jealous Rage.

In the game files, this red form is called the "Hyoui" form, meaning 'possession'. It being red is interesting because it seems to be a callback to Paracelsus' moniker of being the Sanguine Gale. The concept art also shows the pretty disturbing way he's being morphed into it by A.B.A. when she does the Overdrive.

When in her Jealous Rage mode, the bottom half Paracelsus' where his axe blade is, somehow becomes more axe-like than it ever has been in the games. In the earlier games, his blade half didn't change, only his head does into the goat-head. What's more disturbing is that eyes already started appearing on the axe half even while Paracelsus tries to maintain his original face as much as possible.

When executing the Overdrive, A.B.A. swings with the axe half as the sludge pulls from Paracelsus' face to form this new toothed red axe head. Is it a new persona? Is Paracelsus still conscious in his face half or in the axe half at all? Does 'possession' have double meaning where A.B.A. is possessed by her own wrath, but also Paracelsus is now the one being possessed by A.B.A.'s will into forming the red axe form?

The interesting thing too is that A.B.A. executes the Overdrive with precise strikes, liked a skilled warrior. IMO, at this moment A.B.A. ironically became the exact kind of warrior that berserker Paracelsus would have wanted and caused him to even revert back into that primal early form of his that was barely sentient. They gained perfect synergy for the attack, but both are literally out of their minds.

What started this post

Just a funny thing but the reason why I even thought of, and then looked into all this, was because of A.B.A.'s biting of Paracelsus at the top of the post. I was wondering why Paracelsus doesn't say a word of protest when she does this to him, then remembered that he used to kinda drink her blood (and turns out he too has bitten her before), and I think he's prolly thinking "I deserve this".

[astrojulia]

Asteroid Sedna (90377): Understanding its Signs, Houses and Aspect

Navigation:   Masterlist✦Ask Rules✦Feedback Tips

       Askbox✦Sources✦Paid Readings

₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ About the Asteroid: Asteroid Sedna (90377) carries a profound and mythical symbolism rooted in Inuit mythology, where she is a sea goddess associated with themes of survival, sacrifice, and transformation. Its placement speaks to areas of life where an individual is called to reconnect with their inner self, confront feelings of isolation, and embrace deep personal transformation.

Asteroid Sedna by House

✧. ┊1st House: Sedna in the 1st House suggests a deep connection to the ocean, both metaphorically and literally. You might feel drawn to the mysteries of the sea, finding comfort in its vastness, or you may feel a strong aversion, sensing its untamed power. This placement often inspires fascination with the esoteric and hidden realms, reflecting your inner depths and tendency to retreat to process complex emotions. At times, you may struggle with self-presentation, unintentionally adopting a victim mentality or projecting an image of self-pity. It's important to be mindful of how this impacts your relationships. The lesson of Sedna in this house is to develop resilience, embrace your hidden strengths, and cultivate empathy by considering the perspectives of others. As you do, you’ll unlock the profound depth of your individuality.

✧. ┊2nd House: With Sedna in the 2nd House, financial themes are deeply interwoven into your emotional landscape. Whether your experiences have been of abundance or hardship, money holds a powerful emotional charge in your life. You may feel that you’ve been wronged or burdened by financial challenges—perhaps growing up in poverty, taking on financial responsibilities for others, or dealing with unwise investments. This placement urges you to look beyond monetary concerns and ask yourself what you truly value in life. Sitting near the ocean or engaging with its imagery may help you reflect on your relationship with material security and uncover a deeper sense of purpose. Your ultimate lesson is to shift your focus from financial wounds to the pursuit of personal passions and lasting fulfillment.

✧. ┊3rd House: Sedna in the 3rd House imbues you with a sharp intuition and a gift for profound communication. Whether through spoken or written words, you have the ability to delve into the heart of a matter and unearth hidden truths. However, your perceptiveness may unintentionally stir deep emotions in others, exposing feelings they are not prepared to confront. Your challenge is to use this gift with care and patience, offering support rather than stirring chaos. The ocean may act as a soothing presence for you, whether through physical proximity or as a source of symbolic inspiration. When overwhelmed, the rhythmic waves of the sea can help you regain balance and perspective. Seals, as playful and intelligent marine creatures, may hold special meaning for you, symbolizing both joy and emotional depth.

✧. ┊4th House: When Sedna resides in the 4th House, the ocean—or its metaphorical significance—plays a central role in your sense of home and belonging. You may feel a strong pull to live near the sea or may have crossed vast waters to find a place where you truly feel at peace. Family dynamics, both in your childhood and your adult life, are deeply emotional and transformative. You may carry wounds tied to family struggles, whether from a turbulent upbringing or feeling adrift in a sea of emotions within your family unit. This placement calls on you to examine your roots and confront any patterns of victimhood or isolation. By navigating these depths with courage, you can build a stronger foundation for yourself and create a nurturing sense of home that honors both your past and your personal growth.

✧. ┊5th House: Sedna in the 5th House reflects a deep inner yearning for creative expression or artistic pursuit. You may possess a natural talent, yet feel torn between following your passion and adhering to a more conventional or practical path. Suppressing this creative energy can lead to frustration, sadness, or withdrawal. It is vital to honor your gifts and seek opportunities to nurture and share them with the world. This placement also indicates a profound connection to children, whether your own or others. At some point, you may cross a great distance—physically or emotionally—to create a better world for children or to pursue your artistic dreams. The lesson here is to trust your heart’s desire, take risks, and embrace the deep joy that comes from authentic self-expression.

✧. ┊6th House: Sedna in the 6th House presents challenges with navigating the mundane aspects of life. Daily routines, responsibilities, and tasks might feel overwhelming, especially in your early years. Cleaning, organizing, or managing time may seem like insurmountable hurdles, leading to frustration or avoidance. However, this placement holds an important lesson: finding purpose and meaning in small, everyday actions. By viewing routine tasks as sacred rituals—such as meditative cleaning or mindful cooking—you can transform your relationship with them. Practices like meditation, regular exercise, and maintaining a balanced diet can also bring structure and grounding. Additionally, water-related comforts, such as keeping aquatic pets or spending time near the ocean, can provide a sense of calm and clarity. Once you establish harmony in your daily life, you’ll unlock the capacity to approach larger challenges with confidence and grace.

✧. ┊7th House: Sedna in the 7th House highlights the importance of a deep and soulful connection in partnerships. Your ideal partner is likely someone gentle, empathetic, and emotionally mature—qualities that complement Sedna’s profound emotional depth. This placement suggests that your relationships may involve crossing literal or metaphorical boundaries, such as traveling great distances or making personal sacrifices to be with your significant other. While this connection has the potential to bring deep fulfillment, be cautious of partners who embody bitterness or a victim mentality, as these dynamics can hinder growth. The challenge of this placement is to cultivate a balanced, mutually supportive partnership that nurtures your emotional and spiritual evolution.

✧. ┊8th House: Sedna in the 8th House delves into the mysteries of intimacy, transformation, and shared resources. This placement often reveals two potential paths. On one hand, you may resist exploring deeper emotional or spiritual realms, rejecting notions of vulnerability, intimacy, or interconnectedness. This can manifest as repressed sexuality, a reluctance to share finances, or an avoidance of esoteric or spiritual matters. On the other hand, you might fully immerse yourself in the search for meaning, diving into topics like metaphysics, the mysteries of life and death, or the hidden dynamics of power and relationships. This pursuit of knowledge can uncover profound treasures, both within yourself and in your interactions with others. The lesson of Sedna in this house is to embrace transformation while balancing the depths with practicality. Trust that exploring these hidden realms—whether emotional, financial, or spiritual—can lead to profound personal growth and empowerment.

✧. ┊9th House: With Sedna in the 9th House, you are a natural philosopher and seeker of profound truths. You have a deep affinity for exploring expansive subjects, particularly those with spiritual, esoteric, or philosophical significance. Your ability to uncover hidden truths extends to disciplines such as law, science, politics, and religion, making you a dedicated scholar and lifelong student. You may find great fulfillment in academic pursuits, often excelling in environments where you can immerse yourself in knowledge. As you grow, others may turn to you for wisdom, and you could find yourself in roles such as teacher, mentor, or guide. However, this placement also warns of the potential for becoming a "martyr" for your beliefs, especially if your insights challenge the status quo. You might even feel compelled to take a long journey, possibly across water, to escape conflict or victimhood. The lesson here is to stand firm in your truth while balancing it with diplomacy, ensuring that your voice is heard without alienating those who need your guidance.

✧. ┊10th House: Sedna in the 10th House suggests that your mother, or a maternal figure, has profoundly influenced your life. Her role—whether as a source of strength or challenge—has shaped your career choices and public identity. Even if early wounds are present, this placement grants you the resilience to transform pain into purpose, often leading to a career in fields that involve caregiving, advocacy, or leadership. This placement also highlights your integrity and problem-solving abilities, which earn you respect in your professional sphere. You may become a prominent figure in your chosen field, recognized for your innovative ideas and commitment to serving others. Whether you channel this energy into positive parenting, social leadership, or another path, your ability to navigate emotional depths and rise above challenges can inspire those around you.

✧. ┊11th House: Sedna in the 11th House reveals a deep capacity for loyalty and sacrifice in friendships and group dynamics. You may go to great lengths—even the depths of the ocean—for those you care about. While this devotion can foster enduring and meaningful connections, it also carries the risk of overextending yourself. Sacrificing too much for others without reciprocation can lead to feelings of bitterness or disillusionment. Your lesson is to set healthy boundaries, ensuring that your relationships are mutually supportive and enriching. Surround yourself with friends and colleagues who appreciate your efforts and contribute positively to your life. On a brighter note, this placement suggests that you are likely to form a network of steadfast, lifelong friendships. Activities connected to water, such as beach trips or ocean adventures, may also play a significant role in bonding with your social circle.

✧. ┊12th House: Sedna in the 12th House grants you a profound ability to navigate crises and support others in times of need. You possess deep empathy, understanding that everyone carries burdens and stories of both struggle and triumph. Your strength lies in your ability to tap into hidden reserves of resilience, offering stability and care where others falter. However, this placement also warns of the potential to overextend yourself, becoming a victim of others' reliance or falling into martyrdom. It is essential to balance your selflessness with self-care, ensuring that you do not sink into isolation or burnout. Taking time for restorative activities—such as a retreat by the ocean, a spiritual journey, or nature walks—can help you recharge without retreating completely from the world. Your ultimate lesson is to honor your own needs while offering your gifts to others. By learning when to help and when to step back, you can share your profound emotional and spiritual depths in a way that uplifts both yourself and those around you.

Asteroid Sedna by Sign

✧. ┊Aries: In Aries, Sedna highlights a journey of discovering courage through emotional trials. You may feel the need to assert yourself in areas where you've faced vulnerability or victimization. Challenges often arise in the form of conflicts that test your independence and drive. The lesson here is to transform personal struggles into a source of empowerment, channeling your energy into bold, compassionate leadership.

✧. ┊Taurus: Sedna in Taurus connects deeply to themes of self-worth, material stability, and values. You might experience trials involving possessions, finances, or a sense of security. These challenges teach you to find value beyond the material realm, embracing inner richness and spiritual abundance. Healing comes from grounding yourself in nature and nurturing a connection to the Earth’s rhythms.

✧. ┊Gemini: In Gemini, Sedna amplifies themes of communication and intellectual exploration. You may face struggles in expressing yourself or uncovering hidden truths in your relationships and environment. This placement encourages you to use your voice for healing and transformation, bridging the gap between superficial exchanges and deeper understanding. Writing, teaching, or sharing your story can be especially powerful.

✧. ┊Cancer: Sedna in Cancer deeply ties to emotional security and familial bonds. You may face profound experiences involving family, ancestry, or your home life, possibly feeling misunderstood or undervalued in these areas. The path to growth involves nurturing yourself and others while learning to set boundaries. Healing water rituals or exploring your roots can help you tap into Sedna’s transformative energy.

✧. ┊Leo: In Leo, Sedna calls for healing through creative self-expression and reclaiming your confidence. You might face challenges where your talents or individuality are overshadowed or underappreciated. Overcoming these struggles allows you to shine authentically, inspiring others. This placement suggests that your creative or artistic endeavors can serve as a path to personal and collective healing.

✧. ┊Virgo: Sedna in Virgo focuses on themes of service, health, and self-improvement. You may wrestle with feelings of inadequacy or perfectionism, especially in your work or daily routines. These challenges push you to embrace your imperfections as a source of strength and wisdom. Healing often comes through acts of service, mindfulness, and finding beauty in small, intentional actions.

✧. ┊Libra: In Libra, Sedna centers on relationships, fairness, and harmony. You may experience imbalances in partnerships, such as giving too much or feeling taken advantage of. These experiences teach you to seek equality and authenticity in your connections. Artistic pursuits and fostering peaceful environments can help you channel Sedna’s energy into healing and creative expression.

✧. ┊Scorpio: Sedna in Scorpio intensifies themes of transformation, power, and emotional depth. This placement can bring profound lessons through loss, betrayal, or power struggles, particularly in intimate relationships or shared resources. Embracing these trials allows you to tap into incredible resilience and wisdom. Sedna in Scorpio is a phoenix placement, rising from the ashes stronger and more self-aware.

✧. ┊Sagittarius: In Sagittarius, Sedna connects to themes of truth-seeking, philosophy, and freedom. You might face challenges that push you to question belief systems, cultural norms, or your own sense of purpose. These trials encourage you to embrace a deeper spiritual or ethical understanding. Long journeys—physical, intellectual, or spiritual—play a significant role in your transformation.

✧. ┊Capricorn: Sedna in Capricorn focuses on responsibility, authority, and long-term goals. You may encounter struggles with societal expectations, career pressures, or feelings of inadequacy in achieving success. These experiences teach you to redefine success on your own terms, emphasizing integrity and perseverance. Healing comes through grounding your ambitions in compassion and meaningful purpose.

✧. ┊Aquarius: In Aquarius, Sedna highlights themes of individuality, community, and innovation. You might feel like an outsider or experience trials in finding your place within groups. These challenges push you to embrace your uniqueness and contribute to the greater good. This placement often points to a role in progressive causes or technological advancements that benefit humanity.

✧. ┊Pisces: Sedna in Pisces brings a heightened sensitivity to the collective unconscious and spiritual realms. You may face struggles with boundaries, escapism, or feeling overwhelmed by the suffering of others. This placement calls for healing through creative or spiritual practices, such as meditation, art, or acts of compassion. Your gift is the ability to channel deep emotional wisdom into inspiration and hope for others.

Sedna-Sun Aspects

Conjunction: This aspect intensifies Sedna’s themes, blending them with your core identity. It suggests a life path deeply connected to transformation and resilience, often through trials. You may possess profound inner strength and a unique purpose tied to healing and renewal.

Harmonious Aspects (Trine, Sextile): These aspects enhance your ability to integrate Sedna's energy smoothly into your sense of self. You can channel emotional depth into creative or leadership roles. Intuitive wisdom flows easily into your personal expression.

Challenging Aspects (Square, Opposition): These aspects indicate struggles with self-worth, identity, or feeling like a victim in life’s circumstances. Growth comes from recognizing your strength and reclaiming your personal power.

Sedna-Moon Aspects

Conjunction: A powerful link between Sedna and your emotions. You may have a deep sensitivity to collective pain and a need to process emotional wounds from your family or early life. Healing comes through self-compassion and nurturing others.

Harmonious Aspects: These aspects suggest a natural ability to understand and heal emotional wounds, both in yourself and others. You are highly intuitive and find comfort in connecting with water or nature.

Challenging Aspects: Emotional struggles may feel overwhelming, with recurring themes of abandonment or sacrifice. These aspects ask you to find emotional balance and develop healthy boundaries.

Sedna-Mercury Aspects

Conjunction: Your thoughts and communication are deeply influenced by Sedna’s energy. You might have a talent for expressing complex emotions or exploring esoteric or environmental topics.

Harmonious Aspects: You communicate with empathy and insight, often acting as a mediator or voice for the marginalized. Your words have the power to heal and inspire.

Challenging Aspects: There could be a tendency to overthink emotional issues or struggle with expressing your deeper feelings. Developing clarity and trusting your intuition will help.

Sedna-Venus Aspects

Conjunction: Sedna and Venus together highlight themes of love, beauty, and relationships intertwined with emotional depth and sacrifice. There may be a tendency to give too much in relationships, leading to lessons in self-worth.

Harmonious Aspects: These aspects suggest a graceful integration of Sedna’s energy into your relationships and creativity. You may express beauty through art or build soulful connections with others.

Challenging Aspects: Relationships might feel imbalanced or bring emotional challenges. Learning to value yourself and set boundaries is essential for healthy partnerships.

Sedna-Mars Aspects

Conjunction: Sedna here ties your drive and energy to deeper, transformative goals. You may feel driven to advocate for environmental or humanitarian causes, but there could also be challenges in asserting yourself.

Harmonious Aspects: These aspects help you channel passion into meaningful action. Your strength and determination are rooted in compassion and resilience.

Challenging Aspects: You may struggle with anger or frustration, particularly around themes of powerlessness. Growth comes from using your energy constructively and finding healthy outlets for assertiveness.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[a-town-called-hometown]

yippee! apologies if my takes are horrendously bad

my personal take on the matter is that i definitely think the dark worlds can work as a metaphor for escapism without undermining the darkners' personhood. it can be more than one thing, yknow? the darkners are important, their lives matter. and the lightners do go to the dark world as an escape from the problems they face in their own life. but that's not the darkners' whole PURPOSE, yknow? i mean. according to the laws of the universe of deltarune yes darkners' "purpose" is to serve the lightners but like it's not their whole purpose in the STORY.

it's sort of like how, in UNDERTALE, LOVE represents how distant you've become, how easy it is for you to hurt people. but it also literally gives you the power to destroy the world.

i think the biggest reason i believe escapism is at least a part of deltarune's narrative is queen.

queen's whole speech in both of her fights is about how she intends to provide escapism for the lightners (so that they will worship her but also so that they will he happy). she wants to turn the whole world into a dark world, so that everyone can live in bliss and not have to worry about the woes of the light world. she mentions "Staring, Tapping, To Receive Joy. Staring, Tapping, To Avoid Pain." which is like pretty much the definition of escapism

she wants to help Noelle with the problems she faces in the light world ("Noelle. Who Will Be There To Help Her? Her Strange And Sad Searches" and "My One Idea To Help Noelle, Failed") by just... shoving it away for a blissful fantasy world ("Wake? No, She Has Already Awakened Too Much. Let Her Close Her Eyes And Sleep Away, Into A Darker, Darker Dream.")

...i forgot the rest of what i wanted to say!

well first off, thank you for your ask! I'm going to get extremely in depth in my answer, so bear with me here. sorry it took several weeks to write this. the escapism reading of deltarune is pretty deeply entrenched in fandom, and to refute it, I felt it required a full-length essay to completely explain my viewpoint.

yes, "the lightners desire escapism" does not automatically translate to that being the darkners' actual narrative purpose. escapism can be a theme without dehumanizing those who are used in order to escape - in fact, I've read a number of stories that use someone's desire to escape to HIGHLIGHT how they're hurting others in pursuit of that. I believe that toby fox is definitely capable of telling a story about kids having a valid desire to escape, and about them grappling with having inadvertently created a world of real, living people as a result.

(I'll reiterate again that this is not the story arc that generally shows up in fanon. the common consensus is that the game will end in an omori-esque "growing out of" the dark worlds. it's why I have a huge dislike of the fanon escapism reading, given that the darkners are shown as people whose lack of agency parallels kris' own. it would feel cheap if the resolution to that plot was that the darkners were actually never meant to be agents in their own fates. but this is a digression.)

the reason why i DON'T believe that this is a story that toby fox is telling is because of the way the world, themes, and characters are written. put simply, it just doesn't come across as congruent with the story being told.

deltarune's main themes are agency, fate, identity, and control. this is a conflict that shows up in nearly every major character, is baked into the worldbuilding, and is the central struggle involving us, the player. the protagonist of deltarune is literally possessed by us against their will. the darkners are objects that have no choice but to serve and be discarded. over and over again, there is emphasis on roles that characters play - and crucially, roles that are imposed on them.

what would escapism mean, in this thematic context? in real life, escapism can represent any number of things, but in a story, a major narrative theme generally has to dovetail with other major narrative themes in the work. I would argue that escapism in deltarune would likely mean going to a place where characters are able to choose for themselves what roles they embody, or even to discard the notion of roles altogether. a fantasy of control is the only way to escape a reality where you have no agency. and honestly, it's hard to imagine that something could count as an escapist fantasy if you don't even get to choose whether or not you participate in it.

let's talk about kris.

I see a lot of discussions around kris that say that kris goes into the dark worlds to escape. the dark worlds are posited as kris' fantasy of heroism. it's a world where they can seem heroic and cool, a world where they can have friends. this theory makes a decent amount of sense on the surface level, but only until you consider that kris is being controlled in order to go into the dark worlds. and it is not a control that they appear to welcome.

if those worlds represent kris' fantasy, then why don't they get to choose what happens in those fantasies? why are they being controlled by an external force, one that they actively push back against? if it's really an escape, then why does everything about this world reflect their lack of agency? if they really think this world is just a pure fantasy, then why do they care if spamton falls when his strings are cut?

because they're being deliberately obscured to the player, it is hard to say how kris actually feels about many subjects... but I do seriously doubt that they view the dark worlds as an escape. they don't act in a way that is consistent with that. they resist their lack of agency, and what little we do see of their reactions to darkner characters doesn't suggest that they view those characters as part of a disposable fantasy, either. they seem to have complicated feelings on ralsei. and of course, one of their biggest emotional reactions in the game is to the spamton fight. I would argue that that suggests they have empathy for spamton, which is a hard emotional reaction to have if you believe he's just part of a fantasy. not impossible, mind you, but it seems unlikely that kris believes that all this is simply fantasy.

also, considering that snowgrave both actively discredits the idea that the dark worlds are mere fantasy and is actively traumatic for kris... I seriously doubt they'd open another dark world in chapter 3 on a snowgrave run if their motive was purely to escape. on that route, they've seen the damage we can cause in a dark world. they know that berdly has sustained lasting damage due to our actions, assuming he's not outright dead. why would they want to try and "escape" to a place like that again now that they know what can happen?

the only answer is that they have a motive that isn't escapist.

now, as for ralsei... what part does he have to play in all this?

ralsei does play a lot to the fun, fantastical elements of the dark worlds. he delivers the prophecy that kickstarts the adventure. he flatters both kris and susie endlessly when they act appropriately heroic. he welcomes them into the castle and even makes nice rooms for them. he initially seems tailor-made to enable a fantastical experience where no real issues can ever complicate anything, and where the pain of reality can successfully be hidden from. but there's a lot of complications to the idea that he might represent an escapist fantasy.

the first, and what honestly seems the most important to me, is that he doesn't encourage kris and susie to remain in the dark worlds. he is welcoming and kind, but once the adventure is over, he prompts them to return to the light world. he wants them to deal with their more "real" problems like homework. that doesn't feel like he is trying to facilitate escapism in them. a real fantasy would encourage you to stay in it, wouldn't it?

and while ralsei is definitely invested in making sure the lightners are happy, there are always cracks that show. he isn't able to make kris ignore what happened in the spamton fight. he isn't able to convince susie to be peaceful and kind. and in his very essence, he represents a number of uncomfortable ideas. very importantly, he represents a number of uncomfortable ideas to kris.

this probably ain't your first fandom rodeo, so I'm not going to explain all the different ways that ralsei interacts with kris' personal issues. there's plenty of posts on it out there. what i will point out is, once again, it feels odd that a character who seems tailor made to bring up kris' most uncomfortable associations with their lack of agency and their outsider status in their own family would be part of a fantasy of escapism to them. you'd think that they'd prefer something that didn't have an inbuilt hierarchy, a prophecy that denied them autonomy, or especially a person that reminded them how little they fit into hometown.

that doesn't mean kris doesn't care about him at all - it seems very likely that they do. what I mean to say here is that he just seems ill-suited to an escapism reading, both behaviorally and on a conceptual level. it doesn't seem like that's at all part of his servitude towards the lightners.

of course, there is another non-lightner entity that ralsei seems diegetically engineered to serve. but I'll discuss that later.

now as for susie...

yes, susie definitely views the dark worlds as more fun than the light world. and why wouldn't she? the light world sucks for her, and she doesn't seem very aware of the fact that the dark world can also suck. you could definitely make the argument that she views the dark worlds as a fantastical escape from reality... were it not for the fact that she treats her darkner friends with just as much importance as she does kris and noelle.

can someone treat components of an escapist fantasy as real and important? of course. but given deltarune's themes of agency and control, as well as the fact that darkners exist in servitude to the lightners, I feel like you'd have to make escapism tie into forcing others into a lack of agency if you wanted the theme to feel coherent with the rest of the work. this would require susie to be limiting the agency of the darkners around her. and obviously, she doesn't do that. her presence around them might be inherently limiting, just by simple virtue of being a lightner, but she isn't aware of it, and clearly is uncomfortable with the idea of limiting anyone's agency. she encourages ralsei to make choices. and she supports lancer in basically anything he wants to do. her treatment of lancer is integral to chapter 1's narrative, and it seems like that treatment of ralsei is integral to the ongoing narrative as well!

her preference for the dark world feels very rooted in her engagement with it as its own reality. rather than trying to avoid her real-life problems by engaging in a pretense, she seems to simply want to spend time with her friends in a place that isn't cruel to her. she isn't ignoring any of the dark world's problems in service of that, either. she notices when things don't line up. if she thought of it as a fantasy, wouldn't she be inclined to ignore issues that impede the fantasy?

and critically - like kris, she does not intentionally choose her imposed role in the prophecy at first. she steps into the role of bad guy to resist it, but that role is limiting too, and she eventually acquiesces to being a hero. it's never something she's completely on board with, though. she actively pushes back the limitations that the role places on her. I find this important to reiterate when we are discussing the notion of the characters viewing the dark worlds as fantasy.

noelle has a complicated relationship to the dark worlds. susie tells her that it's a dream to make her accept the strange reality she finds herself in, which works well on her. she continues to think of it as a strange dream throughout the chapter. (though, like the others, it is not a 'dream' she entered of her own volition!)

it is also a markedly unpleasant 'dream' at times. she has her agency restricted, is kidnapped, has to evade a controlling monarch, and is even tied up in a weird evangelion cross thing on the hand of a giant robot. it's not purely fun. noelle does like scary things, and while it might be healthy for her to have an experience where she stands up to a controlling adult figure... again, the circumstances make it difficult for me to assume that this is a fantasy she would choose for herself. not impossible, mind you, but it's not the first reading of the situation that comes to mind.

and while she does say she wishes she could dream like this every day in the normal route, that does happen specifically because she was talking to the girl she likes. it makes sense she'd find that pleasant. I don't think that necessarily equates to her finding the dark worlds escapist.

and importantly, this isn't the sentiment that she expresses in every route.

again, there's a lot of analysis on snowgrave, so I won't bother regurgitating it much here. but it's nightmarish for both kris and noelle, and very likely fatal for berdly. noelle needs to believe that the event is a dream, for her own psychological safety, but one of the most important parts of snowgrave...

...is that its events, and the world it took place in, are very, very real.

noelle wants to have the strength to face her problems, both in the regular route and in the snowgrave route. rather than escaping from them, she views the "dream" as a chance to practice dealing with her day-to-day issues. it's just that in the regular route she finds that strength authentically, and in the snowgrave route, that desire is manipulated and pushed until she is forced to kill berdly. she doesn't interpret snowgrave as an escape gone wrong. she views it as a dream that became a nightmare. and those are two extremely different things.

but i haven't even gotten to the biggest thing that undermines the concept that the dark worlds are a metaphor for escapism! which is: this fucking guy is dead wrong about everything.

so full disclaimer - I really love berdly. I think he's slept on a lot in the fandom because he's annoying and weird. which is fair, I suppose, but I think ignoring him hinders a lot of people's understanding of deltarune's overall narrative. because berdly often illustrates a lot of concepts in the game, but his narrative framing as a joke (usually...) prevents the player from taking it completely seriously. he has things to say and ideas to show off, it's just that he's often very loud and kind of dumb in his expression of them. which is kind of the point!

ralsei brings up the idea that the darkners are meant to serve the lightners very seriously in chapter one. by extension, and by way of the literal mechanics involved in a dark world's creation, we can infer that this logic is probably something that also applies to the dark worlds themselves. they are allegedly worlds and characters that only are supposed to fulfill a dream of the lightners. but due to narrative framing and deltarune's themes, we know that that's not the full truth. however dark worlds and darkners are created, they deserve to have their own agency. they can't just exist to fulfill a higher being's wishes.

you know who else undermines that view of the dark worlds? berdly! berdly does!!!!

because berdly is the only lightner in the game so far who does take the dark worlds to be an escapist adventure! he wants to turn cyber world into smartopia. he views this as a chance to be a cool hero. he believes he's going to get the girl, he's going to shape this world to his own liking, and maybe also he's going to get queen to acknowledge him or something so he stops being a forgettable little bluebird. and not only does none of this happen, his steadfast belief that it will happen is continually a joke within the narrative!!

berdly's wishes for uncomplicated escapist fantasy are flat-out denied by the dark worlds themselves. as a lightner, those worlds should be serving him. he should have the power to do whatever he wants within the bounds of an escapist fantasy. these npcs should be singing his praises!

but he doesn't have the power. and this world doesn't sing his praise. because it just isn't an escapist fantasy. he isn't right to view it that way. his wishes for heroism are always going to be thwarted.

so now that I've gotten all that out of the way, let's swing back over to the subject of your original ask. queen.

because, like berdly, queen's entire character arc is about how she's completely wrong about what the lightners actually want.

queen would in fact like nothing more to place the lightners into an escapist fantasy. she believes that that's the best way to serve them and make them happy forever. as a darkner, queen has very much internalized the idea that a lack of control is what actually makes people happy. since darkners have no choice in their destinies and are supposed to be happy in it, and since she personally finds her role as a darkner fulfilling, she believes that that's true of all people everywhere. if you want to make people happy, you just have to remove that pesky personal agency!

so she spends the story trying to force the lightners and particularly noelle into situations where she controls them in order to make them ostensibly happier. she does genuinely believe that this is the right thing to do, but as she finds out eventually, she's just wrong. noelle doesn't want that. queen believes that escapism is why the lightners use the internet... but that's totally wrong too.

while there are other searches mixed in, noelle is trying to use the internet to find her sister. instead of trying to hide from whatever happened, noelle wants to figure it out. queen's thesis about noelle and the lightners is proven wrong even before she personally encounters noelle in the dark world. it's just that queen doesn't realize it due to her limited perspective.

the concept of escapism being brought up with both queen and berdly is not there to say that the dark world is escapist. rather, it's there to say that it isn't. despite the dark worlds being a fantastical place, they are extremely real. to view them as a means of escape is foolhardy at best. you cannot act as though you are above consequences within them.

themes and ideas exist within the story for a sake of an audience. so let's get into the final character I need to discuss here. hopefully this will tie my thesis of deltarune together neatly.

that character is of course us. the player.

when creating a piece of fiction, an astute author will often identify and anticipate an audience's reactions to certain things in their work, and write things in such a way that they elicit the desired reactions. in essence, a writer is directing the "character" of the audience. how we feel and how we are anticipated to react to things is an integral part of nearly every fiction.

that effect is far more overt when dealing with metanarrative fiction that diegetically involves the audience. since the fiction is saying a lot of things about the general 'you,' the audience in aggregate, your reactions to certain things in the story have to be finely cued and anticipated by the author, so that the author can thus commentate on the reactions that you have to the story. the "character" you are assumed to inhabit is posited by the author to have certain traits.

to explain what I mean in plainer terms, I'll use the player of undertale's no mercy route as an example. because undertale is commenting on the way rpgs generally work. the player's behaviors in no mercy are attributed by characters in the story to be the result of us acting like a typical gamer. we kill the characters in the game because we want exp. and more than that, it's because we want to see everything the game has to offer. the role we inhabit in this role-playing game is that of a completionist. you could say that that's assumed to be our "character" in no mercy.

deltarune also posits that certain things are true of its audience. by being written to evoke certain cultural ideas, rpg tropes, and references to undertale, it guarantees that its audience will probably have certain traits, and spends a large amount of its conceptual focus commenting on those traits. one of those traits is nostalgia, which is probably an idea that I'll expound upon in a further essay because it's quite integral to my reading of deltarune. but the main one I mean to discuss here, and why I went off on this tangent about how audiences are dealt with in metafiction, is that we are posited as someone who believes in the logic of certain narratives.

deltarune's writing evokes a lot of portal fantasy narratives. alice in wonderland, narnia, pretty much every story where it's revealed at the end to be all a dream... the story of deltarune superficially resembles a lot of those. this, I think, is responsible for the popularity of the escapism theory. because those stories are often at their end about a child learning to put away fantasy and grow up, people tend to believe that deltarune must be about the same thing. but I truly don't think that deltarune is trying to do anything with that aspect of portal fantasy narratives, at least not directly. its main characters aren't involved in that exact type of coming-of-age arc.

instead, deltarune is very concerned with what happens to characters in fantasy, and specifically fantasy rpgs. if your world is deemed to not matter because it's a dream, what does that mean for you, who has no choice but to live in it? if you are an npc whose role has been predetermined for you via script, then can you ever decide for yourself what you want? what if you want to matter? what if you want to be your own person?

as the major controlling force of deltarune, we are initially cued to believe that deltarune is like a dream. it superficially fulfills so much of what we want from undertale fanon. hometown seems like it's a perfect idyllic town, at least until you start noticing the obvious cracks. and remember what I said about ralsei earlier? he is so reminiscent of asriel, and extremely eager to help us. it's not a stretch to say that making us specifically view deltarune as dreamlike and idyllic is probably part of his purpose in the game.

I would not say that we are posited as escapist. but the idea of escapism as brought up with queen and berdly is meant to strike at the heart of a much deeper idea that deltarune is trying to deconstruct. because if we view deltarune as a dream, escapist or otherwise, then we are inclined to write the internal realities of the characters inside off. the dark world can disappear without it mattering. we can control kris without it mattering. if it's all a dream, what does it matter? why should we care to let its characters go free? aren't we supposed to be in control?

if deltarune is an rpg... what is the significance of us interacting with it?

[mischiefbuckley]

okay I’m a firm believer in the buddie first date ending in a disaster (metaphorical or even literally at this point knowing this damn show) because both of them will be nervous for completely different reasons and they will have a serious conversation about this after the complete disaster of the date and it’s going to be one of the first serious conversations they have as a couple. they go for the classic fine dinner at a nice restaurant so they are both dressed up and they can’t form a conversation and it’s awkward laughter between them because everything felt so good as best friends and now as newly established boyfriends they are very nervous around each other.

buck would be overthinking everything and over do it to please eddie as the people pleaser that he is and now that he is on a date with his best friend like he wants to make sure that everything is perfect for eddie while he is insecure that eddie will now leave him like everyone in the past has left him before. also the fact that the first and last conversation will now be had with buck and eddie because that’s one of his overbearing insecurities now and buck will be overthinking that also now because he’s convinced he can’t be eddie’s first and last because of what THAT person said to him. and eddie will be confused and overthinking in the way where he needs to accept that this can be his new normal and that he deserves all the joy and happiness in the world and he can be selfish and choose himself and his own choices for once in his life, but he also doesn’t want to do anything to perish his friendship with buck because they’ve been best friends for over seven years now and he can’t imagine not having buck in his life and in christopher’s life because he’s been so involved already in their family and he doesn’t want to ruin and tarnish his relationship again with his son. eddie will also reassure buck on the first and last conversation because being with buck makes him feel joy and he knows that he deserves it and that they have been through so much together already so how much harder is getting through the beginning of their relationship now together and they go home order pizza and play video games with christopher as they get settled on eddie’s couch

[jupiters-galaxy]

I've seen some people criticize how quickly Peter and Steph fell for each other (to the point of being the thing they treasure most), and while I do understand some of the criticism, I think there are a few key things that some people aren't picking up on.

-Treasuring each other IS NOT strictly romantic. While it's true that Peter is in love with Steph, and Steph with Peter, it goes deeper than their repressed love story. They ARE friends. They do genuinely like spending time together, although their connection is relatively new. They care about each other as people first; neither of them seem like they NEED to be in a relationship with the other. They seek each other out even when they're just friends.

-It's also important to remember that the lords in black only want treasured things in the metaphorical sense: they can't give up OBJECTS. It presumably has to be a person or a concept.

-It's important to remember that both of them have been through an unbelieveable ordeal. Peter's closest friends were murdered. Stephanie lost her DAD, and although they weren't close, that can't have been easy to stomach. I cannot stress this enough; Peter and Steph quite literally have no one else left. Peter has no other friends. It logically tracks for him to be attached to Stephanie, as she is someone who experienced the same traumas as him. From Stephanie's angle, she doesn't really like her friends, and since objects are out of the question, Peter is the only person who she feels truly knows her. He's really the only option for her, even if her feelings are confusing.

-I also want to point out that you can really kind of feel them falling for each other, although it is admittedly subtext. Peter is weak to Steph as early as the opening number. He does out of character things to make her happy; a compliment from her makes his day amazing; he faces his biggest fear in hopes of seeing her at Pasqualli's. Stephanie cares for him from the first day they meet, although her care is a lot more ambiguous. She teases him about how he's into her, but at the same time, she's protective of him, feeling horrible that he got beat up and wanting to stop it. Even beyond that, she's inclusive towards him, inviting him to hang out with her simply because she likes his company. Her attraction to him makes sense: we know that Steph has a thing for funny and smart guys, and Peter's geeky snarkiness ABSOLUTELY fits. Their relationship is one that just makes a lot of sense!

-Their relationship is actually portrayed really realistically near the end. They're not intense about their love, nor are they overtly sexual. In NPMD, they don't even kiss! The furthest they go is dancing close together and having conversations, cautiously stepping into a new relationship that they mutually want. Despite the heavy nature of their confessions in As Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise), the payoff is not drastic. The confessions were likely only so heavy because they both thought Peter was about to die. Of course he would go out detailing how he loves her, and of course she would say it back; their last memories together should be good ones. When faced with normalcy, they progress as most teens would.

-At the end of the day, they're two traumatized teenagers who already liked each other before the trauma. It makes sense that they feel like the other is the most important to them; after all, Grace is the only other survivor from their group, and they're thinking about her in a less than favorable way past Richie's death, if not sooner than that.

This is not to say they're perfect, but I think their portrayal was really sweet and a joy to watch. I think the implications are extremely interesting idk!! I love Peter and Steph, I think they're more nuanced than they're getting credit for. I love to see cringefail nerds getting badass and amazing girlfriends, let me have this!!!!!

Anyways yeah that's my hot take. One of many. NPMD is consuming me someone help

[psychics4unet]

🌟 What Blessings Are Coming Your Way? 🌈✨ Pick a Picture to Find Out! 💖

I put a lot of effort into this reading, so please show some love by leaving comments, likes, reblogs, and follow me! ❤️💬✨

Paid psychic reading (7 questions for just $7) is available here:

🌟🌟🌟

Pile 1:

The Moon 🌙 Six of Wands 🏆 Ten of Cups 💞

The Moon brings clarity to situations that felt confusing or hidden. You’re stepping into a time where your intuition will light the path toward blessings. 🌕

The Six of Wands shows recognition and success coming your way. Your hard work will finally pay off, bringing moments of celebration and victory. 🎉🏅

The Ten of Cups is pure emotional fulfillment. Happy relationships, harmony, and deep contentment are on the horizon for you. 🌈💑

Together, these cards reveal blessings of emotional clarity, public recognition, and harmonious relationships. You’re on the brink of achieving both personal and external victories. 🌟

🌟🌟🌟

Pile 2:

The Star ✨ Ace of Pentacles 💰 Nine of Cups 🥂

The Star promises renewal and hope. A fresh start is ahead, where dreams that seemed far off now feel within reach. 🌠

The Ace of Pentacles signals new financial opportunities or solid foundations for growth. Expect material blessings, from a job offer to a lucky windfall. 💸🌱

The Nine of Cups brings personal satisfaction and wish fulfillment. One of your heart’s desires will come true, filling you with joy and gratitude. 🧡🍀

These cards together point to a period of healing, financial abundance, and personal wishes being granted. A true golden chapter is on its way! 🌟

🌟🌟🌟

Pile 3:

The Empress 🌺 Wheel of Fortune 🔄 King of Pentacles 👑

The Empress radiates creativity and growth. Expect blessings in the form of abundance, fertility (literal or metaphorical), and nurturing energy. 🌷✨

The Wheel of Fortune signals a turn in your favor. Luck is on your side, and a new cycle is beginning—one filled with opportunity. 🍀🌀

The King of Pentacles represents financial stability and success. This blessing is about long-term prosperity and grounded energy. 💼🏡

Together, these cards suggest a powerful wave of abundance, lucky breaks, and stability. This is a time to reap rewards and feel deeply secure. 💖

Love this post? Spread the positive vibes by reblogging with your favorite pile number! Remember to like, comment, and follow me for more tarot insights and spiritual guidance. By sharing this post, you'll invite positive energy from the universe into your life. Let's journey together towards enlightenment and fulfillment!

🌟🌟🌟

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best. Remember to reblog, like, comment, and follow for more cosmic guidance and positivity!

Paid readings (7 questions for just $7) are also available for more in-depth insights and personal guidance! 🌟💫

[eleancrvances]

andrei bolkonsky is truly the most "dead since the beginning" character. in his last few days he reaches a very explicit state of undeathness ("they were not attending on him (he was no longer there, he had left them) but on what reminded them most closely of him—his body"), but really, is it the first time he has been like this? in his first chapter, when he walks into anna pavlovna's soiree, "it was evident that he not only knew everyone in the drawing room, but had found them to be so tiresome that it wearied him to look at or listen to them". he goes through the social motions but doesn't really feel them (except with pierre, who understands instinctively many things about him, like that their meeting before borodino is their last), and he's just like that before the end. the night before austerlitz he declares "death, wounds, the loss of family—i fear nothing", and it's close to the absence of terror and general feeling he feels after his last nightmare. he's assumed to have died at austerlitz by everyone and reappears at home with zero explanation. the same thing happens after borodino. during both the near-death experiences, he feels some sort of "awakening" ("death is an awakening"). he identifies himself in an old oak tree that appears to be dead until spring (love) draws some last signs of life from him. and literally the only thing that seems to keep him alive is his last-minute unwillingness to separate himself from love, which to tolstoy is life - "i cannot, i do not wish to die. i love life—i love this grass, this earth, this air". this man is a zombie. he returned from the metaphorical and literal (the battlefield) land of the dead not once but twice with terrible wounds, despite all his efforts he can never find a complete and lasting connection to liveliness but falls back again and again in his mechanical, detached way of moving through situations. even his connection to natasha, life and joy, is perceived to be doomed from the beginning by many. "ah, my friend, it has of late become hard for me to live. i see that i have begun to understand too much" he says to perhaps the only person he has always been honest with, pierre, before receiving his final wound. and when he does die it's impossible to tell. marya can't pinpoint the moment when he's gone physically, and as for his spirit, even little nikolai knows it was torn from him earlier. but it doesn't feel like a sudden and new thing. we've seen him in this state before, though perhaps not on this level. but really, it looks like his struggle to keep death out of the room has been going on throughout the entire novel, and he could never hold the door completely closed. we've never seen him completely alive. on a meta level too, because he is maybe the only main character tolstoy didn't base on anyone but created from scratch, with the specific intention to kill him. when did he die exactly? at borodino? at austerlitz, where tolstoy originally intended him to? when he had his nightmare? when he left natasha? when lise died? when his mother died? before we ever met him, it seems. he died in a dream.

[jemmo]

i finally caught up on let free the curse of taekwondo and im kinda shocked and speechless at how chillingly mature this show. i don’t quite know how to describe it, its just so… dead and empty, but in an incredibly purposeful way. the mood is so at odds with what it was pre-time skip, where joy and happiness seemed to prevail despite the looming heaviness of the situation. here, the entire feeling is heavy and lifeless, with only the memory of what once was and the lost promise of what could have been left to keep everything from falling into nothingness, which is rather ironic and those are the things dohoe doesn’t want to dwell on, which leads to the question of if not that, what? if he and juyoung can’t build from their old connection, if dohoe wants to start everything anew, how can he do that if even in the present he’s not willing to fully connect?

i just think this show has incredibly fascinating and thoughtful things to say about how trauma works. bc the actual thing is hardly ever talked about, but in every scene you can see its affects seeping out of every character. you feel it hanging dark and looming over everything, the weight of it, and it’s actually so hard to watch bc you know dohoe is not coping. no matter how much he wants to seem like he is, or believe himself he is, no matter how much he wants to believe moving away from his father, and then his father’s death and selling all his things will set him free from the hurt he feels, it won’t happen. that’s the thing with trauma- removing the person that caused it all doesn’t just magically make it go away. time and distance aren’t the simple solutions you want them to be. the feeling, the pain, it lingers and it’s ugly and horrid. and pushing it down and avoiding it can’t make that realisation that it won’t go away go away. you want dohoe to get better and feel better and you know that addressing all the things that have happened to him will help, but when it comes down to it, it feels impossible to ask someone to confront that pain, it feels mean and awful. and so what can juyeong do, when he knows facing these things will help, that they need to talk about it, but when he tries dohoe just pushes him away. if trying to help means he loses dohoe all over again, then what can he do?

and what makes this show even more interesting is that this trauma is shared. yes, dohoe took the brunt of it much more and for much longer, but this isn’t a situation where someone is comforting someone else who has their own trauma they don’t know about, or can’t know about or understand bc they didn’t experience it. not only was juyeong there, but he experienced it too. and i could talk for hours about how interesting it is to see their different responses to that trauma, i just need to talk now about how much heavier all their silences and moments together feel bc you know they went through it together. they experienced the highest highs and lowest lows together and put like that, you’d expect it to be something that brought them together, which it did, in the moment. but now years later it just hangs heavy and unsaid between them, and it makes dohoe treating juyeong like a stranger so weird and hard to watch bc you know they know each other pain and joy so intimately. it makes it both laughable and insufferable to watch juyeong be jealous of hyeonho for knowing dohoe better bc all juyeong can value now is those small trivial details, bc the way he understood dohoe previously is not just lost, but it’s not something dohoe wants to think about. their connection is so rooted and so connected to their trauma that by avoiding it, it makes it impossible for them to connect again and that is just so hard to watch.

and i just need to mention finally the intimate scene in ep 6 bc my god the parallels made me sob. i don’t think ive ever seen a more poignant and affecting depiction of innocence lost than that, bc it works on both a more literal and metaphorical level. literally, we are seeing them be intimate for the first time and all the innocent excitement of that experience and seeing that paralleled to the present where there is none of that excitement bc they have done this before. and it more metaphorically shows even better that they aren’t able to reconnect, aren’t able to start again bc in that moment they can’t recapture that feeling of innocent excitement. it doesn’t feel like the first time over again, which it should if they were truly able to start fresh and connect anew. but they can’t, and instead in the present, you can feel the emptiness of it, only made worse when paralleled against an experience that is so full of emotion. you see them lying side by side afterwards, before facing each other, smiling and shy, and now, distant, not looking at each other, as if they weren’t even next to each other, and as if nothing even happened. you feel every way that moment is lacking, and it’s so stark and awful bc you have just been reminded of what has been lost.

i think this show has just sent me into a spiral of pain, but the worst kind of pain, a numb pain. but you know what hwang daseul, i love it.

[darjeelinh]

Jesper “guard against pain” vs Wylan “guard against joy”

Jesper’s jokester and confident façade was to protect himself from feeling pain, but inside he’s insecure and vulnerable. He hid his grisha nature because the only person who ever treasured it was taken away from him, and grew up being told that it was a curse. So instead he acts like he doesn’t need it. He acts like he takes all the losses and all the hurtful things in good stride but deep inside he’s feeling lost and guilty all the time. That boy is always bouncing on his feet with guilt all the time in the duology. Guilt for disappointing everyone: his father, Kaz, Inej, his mother, and himself. When he thought about Wylan at the end of SOC he thought Wylan wouldn’t want to hang out with criminals like him anymore once he got the money and that had stung more than he thought: it’s the boy inside him feeling abandoned again, the boy that does no good to anyone other than in a fight. And he cope with all that pain, that guilt, with his addiction and his gunslinging - which no one really paid any mind until Wylan saw through his façade.

Wylan, whose joy and hope was taken away from him by his father, was always made to feel less than, shared the same constant feeling of guilt for just being who he is. His father made sure of it, that he knows he’s not allowed to feel anything but anxious and guilt, and his joy was to be choked out of him (metaphorically and literally). Wylan in the show couldn’t even believe when Jesper told him he was smart, thinking it was just a trick to coddle him into some false sense of joy before it would be taken away again. Wylan in the books still holding on to the last shred of decency for his father until that moment at Saint Hilde, instead blaming himself for it, maybe because it would give him a false sense of control over his own pain. Until Jesper saw his own guilt mirrored in Wylan, and helped him to his feet.

Both Jesper and Wylan were able to keep some part of goodness in the face of everything that happened in their lives: Jesper with his good spirits, Wylan with his morals - standing up against Kaz again and again despite being threatened every time. In Jesper, Wylan learned to accept joy again, and that this won’t be taken away from him. And in Wylan, Jesper knew that he has a safe space where he can accept his pain and heal from it in a healthy way.

“You can love something despite seeing all of its flaws.”

Anyway, Wesper is each other’s safe haven.

[aphpuffinchild]

since it's out i can finally post my piece for @hws-anthology as well as the timelapse for it. as is arguably all my hetalia work, it's a love letter to my friend @pyrrhocorax 's fic Sendlingur og Sandlóa - i'll ramble a bit about how much it means to me, as well as the symbolism i wormed into this piece below the read more :)

i originally had two pages planned for this piece, potentially more - the fic is a good 74k words long and certainly not light on scenes i could and wanted to pull from, but various things led into other various things and one page was all i could manage, so i tried to cram in what i could, so here's that (in a rough, somewhat arbitrary order of focal points)

the opening chapter! the car is a framing device for the piece as much as it is for the journey the characters will take following that first chapter, so i wanted to use the car window/shapes as a literal framing device in my drawing

joi, shaky at best in his sense of self, sees no reflection in the window, instead there's a silhouetted raven to signify the search he must go on to find it

while not perfectly transcribed by virtue of wonky (plus an extra) line(s), the notes coming from joi's headphones are the opening to the song sendlingur og sandlóa, the fic's namesake, which a loved one kindly transposed by ear for me for the purpose of this piece

in a similar vein, the stickers on joi's suitcase are of a purple sandpiper and a ringed plover, the birds after which the song is named - here they are as transparents and in their original colours

i wanted to create a sliiight impression that joi is the one knocking over the chessboard, representing his repeated rejections of it (both physically, and the things it represents)

the chess pieces were also chosen specifically! originally i was going to use a black rook and a white pawn to match chapter 41, but for the sake of having alternating colours and the rest of my metaphors working (iirc) i swapped those colours around. that, and i wanted to match chapter 13's white king and black pawn - the black pawn stuck, the white king was colour swapped for colour cohesion reasons like the other's. (visual contrast was important to me, but the white queen blending slightly into the sky was okay for symbolism reasons) (there was also black king, white rook from chapter 3, so it all worked out anyway - there's a lot of chess in this story and i only had space for so many pieces and colours, basically)

speaking of which, the black pawn is for joi (chapter 13), the white queen is for halle (someone who, from joi's perspective, can go anywhere, vs joi's pawn, someone to be used -> see chapter 35 and perspective).

the king piece is falling (but hasn't quite fallen) between halle and henrik (chapter 3, 7, 13, though i most clearly thought of 19)

the person in the top right corner is eduard! i desperately wanted to include him because i think he's deserved it, and i considered a lot of ways of working him in, but i think an ambiguous silhouette that isn't Quite part of the main picture works better narratively

note also that he's separated from the other's through a red curtain, to represent the iron curtain (naturally) i wanted it to match ber + tino's part in some way, to sorta emphasise their similar foundations despite being split apart across places

the flowers at eduard's window are placed and chosen purposefully as well! orange/red zinnia's outside (for familial ties, steadfastness, friendship and remembrance) for what eduard puts out in to the world, then lily-of-the-valley for tino and cornflower for him inside to show what he wants to hold close :)

halle and joi are the only characters with their eyes open - halle looks towards the viewer/author/reader/joi, while joi looks away all together. if you've read the fic (which i assume you have because i can't imagine this is interested to read otherwise) you probably don't need me to explain why that reflects their roles in the story

similarly, every character apart from the brothers is turned towards another in some way (eduard does not count when his flowers do, and his role in the story is based around that disconnect partially anyway) tino towards ber and eduard (and hana, i guess), ber towards tino, henrik to halle, halle to henrik (though he looks away - his values are elsewhere even when they are together). joi, at best, looks at his own reflection in the window

the colour scheme, while arbitrarily picked from gradient maps based on what i felt "fit" has been approved by the author as being very "SoS core"

finally, the poem on the note, chapter 46

all that being said, i can and will now talk about my personal relationship with SoS, so unless that interests you i imagine the post is done now! thank you for reading :)

the first comment i posted on SoS is dated 2nd November 2016 - logging into my old account i can see i bookmarked it on the 31st August that same year, so i can safely assume i first read or at least found it then. a month after my first comment, i posted another on a different account, pouring a few bits of my heart out and the author responded! we went back and forth a bit and eventually talked (i think) via tumblr for a little, but the majority of our conversations were via skype for whatever reason (we didn't call, just texted). it was a lot of me looking for writing advice, insight to their work/process/skill, talking about The Brothers and talking about psychology/the brain on a general and personal level. i think if i read our conversations back now i'd cringe, given that i was an awkward, fumbling 16 year old, but i dont think anything else wouldve been fitting given the subject matter. eventually our conversations fizzled out and we stopped talking for years, but i'd go back to SoS routinely and cry.

in may of 2021, i posted another comment during what in hindsight was definitely another relatively minor mental health episode - i think it was half trying to emphasise how important the work was to me on the off chance pyrr saw it, and half a bid for connection since i had no idea if they even remembered us talking. i assumed nothing would come of it, and for about a year that was true - until pyrr responded after all in february of 2022 - i'm happy to say we've been talking consistently on discord since then. i feel a little weird speaking too intimately about our friendship as it is now since it's not just my story to tell (though pyrr, if you're reading this) (i'm sure you are at some point) (you're welcome to talk about it however, i just didn't want to without consulting you) but i can say with some certainty that it's at least a little bit my fault that we have a sequel now - cementing my place as official number #1 fan and validating the me from almost 8 years ago in a way i don't think either of us processes well.

it's here that i feel the need to talk about my other dear friend, @hws-lceland , who i'm grateful to have met through the zine's discord server. i'm sure they're reading this too, and a lot of what our relationship means to me is stuff that's probably a bit too vulnerable for either of us to speak publicly, but i *can* say that i love them very much, and i'm really grateful to have someone else to understand, and that he read SoS for me. i thought he needed it, and i hope i was right

sendlingur is...endlessly important to me. i'm aiming to not write an essay here (a goal i think i've already sorta shot in the foot) but i think it's important for me to talk about some of this a little loudly, all the same. my writing has changed because of the series - remeeting with pyrr and showing them some of my more recent work was interesting since it was apparent even to them the influences i'd taken (to be fair, in one section i explicitly asked and did borrow a format of theirs, but this goes beyond that). when i was 16 i asked my mum to read the fic in a desperate bid to be understood. i've cried reading the fic many, many times. i've signed off letters and poems with my switched around version of i'm sorry / thank you / i love you (i swap the first two around) many, many, many times, including in a close friend's wedding gift. SoS has very sincerely changed my definition of love. the name halle is a part of my abstract mindscape. id already considered changing my name to johannes anyway and this fic certainly didnt help. i've gained a friendship of 7 and a half years through it. i've gained another newer one now, too. i am not well. i wasn't well then, reading it, and it hasn't fixed me (i am worse, now, arguably), but it healed something, or at least made me feel understood. i could go on, and maybe sometime i will (there were so many things i wanted to include in my piece and pay homage to!), but for now i will thank anyone who took the time to read all this (again), and say that i look forward to experiencing the sequel

as always, i'm sorry, thank you, i love you

[squirrelno2]

Ok so Davrin! I have Thoughts about Davrin.

Because if you’re aware at all of the stuff I write you’re probably aware that I am a big fan of the kind of character who subsumes their own desires and survival and personhood for the sake of being One Thing, whether that’s a living weapon/made to be a soldier situation or just a “I am Your Best Friend first and foremost situation”. It is, uh. Small wonder I end up liking characters of colour the most, since those are the ones most often written with a Purpose in the story who don’t get to expand beyond that Purpose in the narrative, or if they do have that arc that I crave it’s still underrepresented in fanworks so it becomes my favourite and most frustrating niche where I have to create the content I want to see in the world, which is “person who tries to ignore their own needs gets to realise they’re allowed to love and be loved whether or not they’re useful”. Please be aware that while I don’t specifically discuss Davrin’s Blackness in the next few paragraphs it is a large part of why I’m writing this now because it massively changes the way this story gets read, both because people with unexamined biases will gloss over his story and just accept Davrin as being a tool to the story instead of a person and also because those of us who are aware now must consider how to address such a storyline knowing that Black people most of all are reduced in their stories to things and plot points.

So getting back to Davrin in particular I am both obsessed with and frustrated by how he’s written because! His narrative is such a good example of this trope! He is a monster hunter, and to a lesser extent at the start a protector, and from the moment we meet him he is trying very hard to keep himself shut in that box. He downplays any effect he has on the griffons, is upset at the idea of taking care of Assan because that’s what the others are there for, he’s just the sword arm. As time goes on and we do things like, you know, fight an archdemon without getting our Warden buddy killed, he seems so lost and almost devastated to have not died when he was “supposed to” – and this is a man who doesn’t really seem suicidal at all, he has no real desire to die, he just. Expects to. And what he can do to save others is always more important to him than what he could do to save himself. When my Rook walked in there expecting to be overjoyed with him that they were both still around I have to think the gap in emotion was so jarring to both of them, because like. This man has accepted his own death in the face of the “greater good” for so long that he never once made a contingency plan or even wild hope for “what if I don’t die?” And it’s so cool that he and my Rook got to walk hand in hand through danger and decide they deserve to be happy! It’s so cool that you get to potentially get him through the entire game and into a life with open possibilities and who knows what kind of future for the Wardens! That’s my shit!

And while I can’t say I’ll never choose the Grey Warden option for the griffon choice, to me that is so much a metaphor about letting yourself become a weapon vs finding peace and joy that is in line with you as an individual that if I’m playing the game acting on my conscience, not a Rook who’s further from me, I will always choose Arlathan for them. Because that’s so obviously a metaphor for Davrin’s own growth as a character.

This is where it pisses me off, though – too much of that metaphor is treated literally. Davrin doesn’t verbally acknowledge what the griffons’ changing role means for him, and I’m unsure if an unromanced Davrin ever says anything about planning for the future, having only gotten through the game once thus far. The fucking epilogue where all the companions say a little line about what’s in their future and Davrin just mentions the griffons and not his own fucking life??? Like he had a little line about pursuing romance or whatever but again. That’s a romanced Davrin. If he and my Rook hadn’t vibed “the griffons found a new home in Arlathan” or whatever would have been presented as the sole culmination of Davrin’s character arc. I love coparenting a griffon as much as the next guy but we cannot replace the “sword arm” persona with a “griffon daddy” persona as though him subsuming his needs and wants for the sake of Assan is any better for him than doing it for the Wardens. What the fuck.

Anyway short version of all that is Davrin has my favourite kind of story, and griffons are a metaphor for the way Wardens treat themselves. and the POINT of me writing all that is that you cannot approach his story without acknowledging that the fact that he’s a Black man means people who work/ed on both canon and fan content are ready and willing to treat him as a tool in his own fucking storyline for the sake of an animal, and he deserves so much better because holy hell if you’re gonna write a Black man with this kind of “I exist for a Purpose alone” arc you have got to pay attention to what you’re doing. Please. his story involves Assan but it's not about Assan it's about him.