#;;thought we could just go for a drive
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me looking at all of the teaser video release dates vs the actual chapter release dates for dbd seeing they're usually around 20 days apart and that I'll have to wait a long time to get any info about it bc itll come out so late and close to official release
#like rewatching the interview and shit like#trying to get a grasp on what their plans could be#i dont doubt itll be good im just desperately wanting to know if anything i like will be in it#guys im gonna be honest im not a huge fan of springtrap so it wont be nearly exciting to me if its JUST and ONLY him as a killer#with no cosmetics for other characters no nothing#and the only other character ive seen discussion for rlly is mimic and i can't even express the rage id feel if it got the dbd killer slot#i just want vanny cosmetic is that too much to ask#no it isnt#but i truly have no idea if theyll do it until SUMMER#bc we only get to see teasers so close to the actual release#i feel a lot better knowing that they said that fnaf has been high on their list & one of the most highly anticipated chapters for dbd ever#and that theyre cooking with it and are trying to be faithful to it bc they hold themselves to that in general for dbd as a whole#but like we dont KNOW if theyll go as far as to do something cool like a vanny cosmetic or vanessa survivor#its perfectly in the realm of possibility but its driving me crazy tjat i dont know and i cant feel okay expecting it#and that i know if they dont ill be very disappointed#i just dont want them to only favor clickteam og era with nothing for sw era#and NOT MIMIC god weve already had enough of it#if it gets a cosmetic great but if it gets one and vanny doesnt ill fuckimg implode#pandas.txt#pre dbd x fnaf#thoughts
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it's so cool having my own phone now bc i Did realize i can take as many seemingly pointless videos and photos as i want :3 here's my lettuce from earlier cuz i thought she was pretty
#just me hi#i have 2 other pictures that are not so flattering but BOOM yellow be upon ye jfvshfj#i love taking videos !!! not of anything in particular but i like recording quiet moments i have outside :D#preserving good moments. they also work as nice reminders when i'm having an Eh time hjfvs#like Oh right that drive i was on last week was so nice i took a 2 minute video! how could i forget !!#not so good at picturetaking just yet but i like my videos ^w^#//anyway woke up on time today and now i have an hour until i've gotta go to work#bum bum bum..... bum bum.....#my toast finished a second ago but idk what i wanna put on it so i'm kind of stalling lolll#ofc butter is an option !! but i don't want to fight it and also don't want to wash another knife so :^#i thought we had avacados but we do not. woop#should i have it raw? raw toast ?#i have plain bread sometimes that is true. don't know about raw toast tho.....#i Did get really grossed out by the plain bread last time though no idea why. too squishy or smth ? No idea#ummmmm#well i sposes i'll have to figure it out rn anyway. oh sighs. hfvsh#alright gonna go grab my toast.... toodles lol :)
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#You got a fast car I want a ticket to anywhere Maybe we make a deal Maybe together we can get somewhere Any place is better Starting from#zero got nothing to lose Maybe we'll make something Me myself I got nothing to prove You got a fast car I got a plan to get us outta here I#been working at the convenience store Managed to save just a little bit of money Won't have to drive too far Just 'cross the border and into#the city You and I can both get jobs And finally see what it means to be living See my old man's got a problem He live with the bottle#that's the way it is He says his body's too old for working His body's too young to look like his My mama went off and left him She wanted#more from life than he could give I said somebody's got to take care of him So I quit school and that's what I did You got a fast car Is it#fast enough so we can fly away? We gotta make a decision Leave tonight or live and die this way So I remember when we were driving#driving in your car Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder#And I-I had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone be someone be someone You got a fast car We go cruising#entertain ourselves You still ain't got a job And I work in the market as a checkout girl I know things will get better You'll find work and#I'll get promoted We'll move out of the shelter Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs So I remember when we were driving driving in#your car Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I-I had#a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone be someone be someone You got a fast car I got a job that pays all our bills#You stay out drinking late at the bar See more of your friends than you do of your kids I'd always hoped for better Thought maybe together#you and me'd find it I got no plans I ain't going nowhere Take your fast car and keep on driving So I remember when we were driving driving#in your car Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And#I-I had a feeling that I belonged I-I had a feeling I could be someone be someone be someone You got a fast car Is it fast enough so you can#fly away?You gotta make a decisionLeave tonight or live and die this way#le song shouting
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Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee
dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning “hard to get at”, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.
jason “robo” robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobby’s nhl periodic table poems <3
#i had a couple different ideas for poems that were taken by the time i could go deranged for a couple hours to make this but as I looked#i was like WAIT NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JASON ROBERTSON YOU HAVEN’T SEEN MY TEXAS CAM and had to do it. also was STRUCK with the#sudden immaculate vision of the Dallas D as part of terfenol-D and could not get it out & robo is the most dance! person i know on the team#liv in the replies#dallas stars#jason robertson#nhl periodic table poems#guys i am plagued with visions and no execution skills!! every day i come here and learn one new skill on GIMP the way god intended!!!#today it was emboss. also cannot claim any credit for the pulse to the magnetic beat photo which is so cool that was one where i had a#couple and was like maybe i can do like crayon shockwaves like the art process video kasper showed? and then found that picture and was#like thank you lord stanley for knowing my limitations. thank you for your understanding in this moment it was a trial enough to make#expand contract dance and one would THINK i would have fucking learned from the claude animorphs tragedy!! i did not. but i did use the#shear tool and 3D rotate so at least if we’re animorphing it’s SLIGHTLY better. anyway me frantically doing this like WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT#WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST i keep seeing all of these and just spinning around in circles until i get dizzy & fall down I’m so happy#the drive folder for this is just called joy!!!!! because joy this is such a cool idea but now because it brings me so much joy#i just saw the Travis dermott one and burst into tears super normal AND someone did exactly what i wanted with hydrogen which was the water#the ice!!!!! it’s so perfect!!! and cody ofc did silver lord stanley. like does it ever make you cry how beautiful & creative everyone is?#anyway if you see me post and delete this and then update it or change it no you didn’t it’s fine. but i wanted to be included#if i could make the dysprosium letters not have a white background i would I simply could not fuck with it at 1AM. we are hitting send#it may not look like it but i queue#pretend i spoke at length about the reasons why i picked all the pictures & the element just know that it’s there inside my brain u can ask#GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK I SAW NEONFRETRA’S ISOTOPES AND I COULD MAKE THE EDITS EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THERE!! ISOTOPES!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!#get ready for the edits then. dylan magnesium my beloved child of stars who can never return… like i wish i could say anyone else but it’s#i KNOW number nineteens bismuth don’t make me Google how many years nolan played hockey but also there’s ej for stable so.. also half-life#actinium claude giroux my beloved… when i saw there already was a claude i thought maybe Brady too for that#I don’t know how but flerovium doubled magic is percolating in my brain as was promethium bad boy because I was like hmmm. tyler. but#couldn’t commit and THEN SOMEONE DID BAD BAD LEROY BROWN TYLER BERTUZZI TO PROMETHIUM AND BESTIE I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH!!! with cons#anyway shane wright germanium with juraj slafkovský but showing him very obviously not missing it. if jack eichel was not an asshole#the narratives WOULD be narrativing. you could argue for a sidovi here with the calder cup and potentially a best friend stealing narrative#(the most recent is cam yorke’s acquisition of jamie d from trevor zegras which would then require a yorkie one for silicon the other side)
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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Held my classmate’s hand today and he kissed me!
#well. perhaps more accurate to say. he held my hand and kissed me. but he asked for permission for both. and that made me happy.#I’ve been having the cognitive dissonance where I felt so…ill? over the thought of kissing or holding hands and him thinking me gross.#I’ve genuinely been sick to my stomach with anxiety while together even though I’m having fun and feel safe. the thought of trying to#initiate anything frightened me. and it created this block too where even though we are dating I didn’t feel like he was my boyfriend or#partner. even though he’s called me his girlfriend and has spoken about us living together and more. but I just kept thinking. I can’t even#do this simply thing. I can’t ask to hold his hand#how could he like me after that. well. today I had pretty well and truly decided k would try my damnedest to work through it and be#intimate in some way because I knew we were going to a bar to drink and I needed Dutch courage. I drank. I became more confident. I leaned#in real close and we rubbed arms and I made strong eye contact and…I realized I needed to sober up to drive home. so I kinda pulled back.#and thought that was that. he kept drinking and indeed drank more than he intended. nothing insane but more inebriated than I’ve ever seen.#so on the drive home we’re chatting and he’s a little flirty and im embarrassed. and he holds out his hand to allow me to hold his. so i do#and I get flustered and embarrassed and he tells me how to hold hands and lets me just hold his hand on the drive home and I enjoy it and#he brushes the inside of my arm. we get a late dinner and he sobers up a bit. and he holds my hand some more. and we get to his house and#I get out of the car to hug him goodbye and he asks if I want anything more and I say yes. so he kisses my check. and he asks if I want#anything more. and I say yes. so he kisses my lips. I tell him I don’t know how to kiss and he says that’s okay. very chaste. low pressure.#encouraging. I almost felt like crying in a good way. and it turned me on like crazy. like. I’ve never had this reaction to anybody. ever.#I was stunned. and embarrassed.
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Pulled an all nighter over the weekend so I could go to bed early tonight and now it's past 11 and I'm wide awake. I have to be up at 5 am
#^ me when i definitely didnt work myself up into extreme anxiety by reading about a man who raped and killed his own daughter#ive been in a shit mood for 16 hours because of it. yeah its tragic but also. also. also. also.#its the second half of that thought thats been driving me bonkers. it couldve been so many girls i grew up with#it could happen to any girl. and it happens to an unspeakable amount#and we all just have to live with it and walk around pretending like we can live normal lives#but this is not normal!!! this is boiling water!!!#we're all just waiting around to drop dead at the hands of a man we know as other girls drop dead around us#and whenever we have a normal reaction to that the world tells us we are crazy hysterical feminazi bitches who are being paranoid and biased#against men.... they are so lucky we dont all go out and kill them. why cant we be so lucky?
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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I am so used to being an afterthought in everyone's lives that if someone came along who put genuine effort into spending time with me, like truly just wanted to hang out with me and made time to do it, I would probably 1) break down sobbing and 2) immediately fall in love with them
#i have never had anyone who would put effort into coming to see me except my grandpa#when i moved to a university 1 hour away nobody in my family OR the person i was dating ever came to see me#even though nobody in my family had a full-time job at the time.#grandpa was the only one who would drive out to take me to lunch for my birthday#he died before i graduated though#anyway....#this has been triggered by me going to visit my 'friends' in the city i moved away from in March#i was there for four years and I asked a person i considered a genuine friend if she wanted to join me for a nice dinner#which i would be paying for btw. it's free for her#but she lives a 40 minute drive away so she said no thank you#like girl i haven't seen you in months and you can't make a 40 minute drive to come have a nice dinner and catch up?#i just don't fucking get it. and this happens to me over and over and over again#there is just nobody in my life who will make any fucking effort to see me#i once made plans with friends for my birthday and tried to make it in a convenient spot for everyone#we had these plans scheduled for months and one canceled the night before because he thought our other mutual friend wasn't coming#IT WAS *MY* BIRTHDAY. YOU COULD STILL COME. TO SEE ME??#like is there something wrong with me? does everyone secretly hate me or something?#i wish i fucking mattered to someone. anyone.#personal
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listen. i love pizza tower with my whole heart & mind. you know this. you Know. but first and foremost i am a character design bitch, and the pizzas are, frankly, very bland. this is not a critique or a complaint, because obviously That's Not The Point and more importantly i would be horrified if anyone tried doing that much animation with anything more complex than what's there. but also it means when i get a taste of some truly whack ass insane design work again it is like fuuuucking catnip
#ive been DEPRIVED......#pizza business is on hiatus i need to play lethal league for 50 hours and make a surely ill-fated cosplay about it#it really is unfortunate fake pep could have been a fun cosplay for the way i wanted to go about it#but for all the schematics i had sketched out it was never a thing i wanted to get up and actually try to Make#and then i wake up the next day after playing llb once and go like oh. ohhhhhh. i need to be doombox irl#and because of that realizing. oh that was misplaced idle thoughts before; i never actually wanted to do fp for real#i was just on that train bc 1. very passionate about the game obviously [and he was kind of my only option to rep pt] and 2.#i think it was a lot of leftover inertia from my PREVIOUS cosplay idea [baozhai from indivisible] that i also never pursued#lots of Makin Stuff drive still existing but not having a place to go.#fp was certainly more doable than baozhai so it was easy to latch on but#still not....really the kind of thing i actually Enjoy making#this one though. ohgghhgh i feel it. i feel the cosmos#i still dont think i'm actually going to complete it. the current projection is that i just make a shitty prototype and then#realize how impossible and unfun this is gonna be and then drop it. [but its fine bc i still got to make stuff and got the idea out]#however. that first pizza comic was also originally a single-image prototype to get the idea across bc#i didn't think i would actually draw out that whole thing either.#so i guess we'll just see what happens. now won't we.#poor fuckin noisette comic 2 man i put it off for so long and then finally get into it and then this happens#ill get back on it eventually this is just something i have to indulge while i have it and get it out of my system#its like evangelion. sometimes you have to write 8k words of analysis. and sometimes you gotta make a really stupid cosplay#anyway hey i should post the fp cosplay schematics huh. i meant to back when i first did them but then didnt. whoops#bweeeaaahh
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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I've always wanted to wake up from a dream laughing and I just did but I realized after I woke up that I have missed a million social cues :((((((((((((((((( it wasn't even funny idk why I couldn't stop giggling. I dont even giggle irl.
#this also may have been a separate dream#i was in this big aquarium swimming and walking around. it was like. you could swim in a lot of the exhibit and interact with the animals#i had some sort of mission and i also found a baby seal who i picked up and was carrying around as i wandered around#eventually i ended up in this little nook that had one of the adult seals/walrusess? so i let the baby go but the adult was not into it and#i heard someone day something like “aw he still has hope”#theres this kid that works at the aquarium and i tell him to come with me for some reason. its around this time i realize this is some movie#the kids boss is like “next time you leave your post you gotta dive out”#and im worried a bit allready sbout him leavin his post with the adult walrus up there.#then suddenly the glass starts breaking everywhere. like one crack then the whole aquarium starts falling apart#and the kid seems a bit worried.#as were all evacuating i decide that its my fault. because the walrus must have been ramming the glass while the kid wasnt watching.#i remember thinking about how this was a movie or something and feeling really dumv#then yhe dream was over snd there was s recap??? in like drawing form and it showed the main character (me) putting a bomb in the center of#the aquarium in some sort of well or something. so. i guess it really was completely my fault in a different way than i thought#then later im at some sort of party or something and then i leave the party for another party or something? and i feel really bad sn#and socially innept the entire time. the person who i think i reconize we start talking and theyre like the first person whos nice to me#and were talking about following eachother on Instagram? or somth#while their scrolling i see a video eith one of my old friends and shes on the news? the headline is like “me and cathy snd the murder#victim...“ or something. and im like ”hey thats my friend“ and the person just shuts their phone off.#any ways so this person lets me hitch a ride with them back to the original party. they get out of the uber super early but its the right#house and the tell the driver that hes lost and the DRIVER gets out. so im like oh i guess this is their car??#and so they drive up to the drive way and three more people start getting in the car and theyre like putting stuff in the trunk#and talking about where to sit and i just start giggling.#and im still trying to participate like i offer to sit in the middle. theres already someone sitting at the front but he gets out and#everytime someone says anything i start giggling??? and like its sunny and everyone is very attractive in a way that o just found so funny#and then eventually two of then run over to this like panel dash board yhing that on a wall outside and like messing with it opening the#glove box and stuff and i just wake up#and immediately upon waking. well first i was like “teehee. i woke up from giggling” then i thought about it and i was like “oh. i was#take the front seat :(#dream log
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/ What gets me about D.iavolo's ending is just;; how decisive it is- stories where the end is a silent capital dot drive me insane, like there's a melancholy to it that I can't put into words, it feels like a real scary dot you know? scary because it is so definitive- there's no sentence forward, no pages forward, it's also why (and this will sound insane) humpty dumpty's story makes me feel some kind of poetical and melancholic way, the way it ends as
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men Couldn't put Humpty together again.
theres no 'coulds' nor 'might' , there is no hope at the end, he just can't get put together again. and that's it, IT DRIVES ME INSANE!!! it's the way humpty or d.iavolo cant fix this themselves, and no one can fix it for them either, its once again, a final dot, there's no future to it
#DO YOU UNDERSTAND- THIS DRIVES ME INSANEEEEEEEEEE#;d.iavolo#;ooc#ooc#i dont know where to put my thoughts i have to vomit them all#because i think about how the only possible release from d.iavolo's never ending fate would only happen if g.iorno dies#but with his upgraded stand ability; what if g.iorno finds a way to loop himself the way he's done to d.iavolo but in a more controled way#to fit his goals/motives? so he essentially can never die by putting himself through a loop with his stand?#then g.iorno will live for eternity and d.iavolo will die for eternity#what happens after eons of deaths follow; would d.iavolo still recognize why the cycle even started?#a strange existence;;#if s.teel b.all run happened later; then maybe a version of f.unny v.alentine could have found one of the million timelines of death that#d.iavolo is in; and found a way that by teaming up they can k.ill g.iorno#but thats not possible; so unless some external cause disrupts the loop; he is just doomed to forever die#what if in the end; we are all going through a g.old experience stand moment-/j#what if death was a j.ojo reference/j
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screaming in the club
time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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#listening to the breathe me + drive/gasoline/young god mashup again and.#goddd that ''and we're running; running; running'' into ''all we do is drive'' is sooo timelooper Max and Chloe arguing <3#i like to think Chloe just. does not take the prospect of Max putting herself through a timeloop just for her very well#and it largely comes from feeling utterly unworthy of someone going to such astronomically great lengths solely for her sake#Max sees it as: i've worked so hard to save you and i'll keep going if i have to. take my hand. come with me. we're running#Chloe sees it as: you're killing yourself for me and all i can do is watch. you could let me go but i know you won't. all we do is drive#and they're both right <3 and it sux hardcore <3#ya know. ya feel me. do you see my Vision djfjfndjdh#nebular.txt#marrow max tag#having so many Thoughts about them your honor. help i've got brainworms from my own au
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thinking abt entering trojbertha for the breed special in may for shits n giggles but im also 😵💫 just thinking abt it
#i could go up and watch sunday and just not show anything#its only a 4hr drive or so#a breeders gonna be there whomst ive tented in the yard of when we went to pick up sparty#havent seen her since though#the fact that im so nervous about the mere thought of it obvs means i Should do it just to do it#but i am also: nervous#people: not my thing#would also maybe have to bring sparty#because the people willing to dogsit sparty i do not trust to dogsit sparty#but the people i trust to dogsit sparty. are unwilling to dogsit sparty.#because sparty is sweet and perfect and lovely and also a plotty little Creature#who Steals Poison (and cake)
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