#;; small talk

[im-da-bronx]

I usually don’t care if people don’t ask them back, but I’m also autistic, so

But here’s a quick tip: most of the questions you’re expected to ask in return are all small talk questions. How are you? How was your day? What did you do this weekend? Most of these you’re socially expected to say back, simply because it’s polite and it shows you care about the other person (note: you don’t have to care about the other person. Most people don’t actually want a detailed recounting of your day, they just say that automatically. If you’ve ever told a server “you too” in response to “enjoy your meal”, that’s exactly what small talk is to most people.)

HERES THE FUN PART. You can use those automatic small talk questions to completely throw people off their game, because you’ve deviated from the socially acceptable script. This is a great power, to be used in only the most dire of circumstances.

For example, when I was a junior in high school (11th grade, second to last year), I received a call from a scammer. He asked, “Hi, how are you today?” And I, being sick and tired (mono) and depressed (friend died) and a teenager (rip), decided to respond truthfully. “Honestly, not great. I’ve been really depressed lately.” He didn’t like that, because he had to reply to what I said, instead of just launching into his scammer spiel, using my automatic reply as a springboard. So instead he said, “Oh, uh, I’m sorry about that…” and then he hung up.

There's this thing that I only just realised yesterday... Y'know how there's questions where if you're asked them, you're socially expected to ask them back? For some reason it's only just clicked in my head that that's a category of thing, and I realised I'​m really bad at being able to tell if I'​m supposed to ask a question back. Now like, in other people's eyes, is failing to reciprocate a question when expected to, rude in the same sense as failing to respond to a question when asked? Or do people understand it when it happens

[doumeki]

[facts-i-just-made-up]

could i get some facts about me to recite when new people ask me to tell them something about myself and my mind goes immediately blank

This is a problem that happens to many people with much on their mind. Here is a set of things you can tell people, no matter what the occasion:

I am not made solely of pine-wood or pine-derivative plastics.

I have between zero and four thousand limbs, inclusive.

I contain several liters of my people's water.

My name is comprised mostly of real letters (Musks may differ).

I am unaware of the contents of soil on most exoplanets.

My spleen is smaller than the Chicago metropolitan area.

I am not, have never been, and may never be you.

Telling people these facts will always put them at ease and quell any concerns they have about your normality.

[smallsinger5901]

even if L successfully solved the kira case and had Light executed, lets be real, he wouldn’t last that long. For the sheer fact that nothing would ever be an interesting as Light Yagami ever again. Even in s platonic angle, L is a detective first and foremost because it cures his boredom- once he’s had a taste of something that un-boring, do you really think he could go back to the same old cases? Even the most interesting of secret plots could never compare to Kira, to Light. He would spend the rest of his energy searching for someone on his level again, someone to make things interesting- always to no avail. He couldn’t go on after the Kira case.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

The Misconception of Selfishness in Autistic Individuals

The Autistic Teacher

[spiritofsnows]

So our dear collective acquaintance @gallusrostromegalus has this in the authors notes of chapter 9 of The Power Of Friendship And This Gun I Found:

So I, a sweet unsuspecting soul, bounced over to duckduckgo to Experience this, for surely it could not be that bad

It's got teeth. It's got teeth in it's claws. There's fucking molars in there

[itsaspectrumcomic]

Why are we making small talk over gchat??

[csuitebitches]

Do you think you speak too fast/ too slow?

Here is what I learned from a speech coach.

warm up:

start this exercise by taking a deep breath and saying “aaaaah” - try to extend this to 30 seconds. Now if it doesn’t go till 30, that’s fine. Aim to work your way to that. If you can work it up to 30, go for 45/60 seconds. Do this 5 times.

next. Download an app called Metronome beats. It’s basically what singers/ musicians use for beats.

Settings: keep beats/bar as 1,

clicks/beats as 1

start at 90. It will start with a click sound and continue “beeping.”

Match your words to the beep. One beep = one word. Now slowly, increase the beat by 5 till you reach 110. Increase it at your own pace but try to spend at least 20 seconds on each number (90 for 20 seconds; 95 for 20; 100 for 20….) That’s when you stop.

either start by reading something out loud and matching the beat, or select a topic and speak freely.

do this every single day. This will help with your breath, if you’re speaking on a topic it will help you think better and improve over time. The best way to further complement this exercise is to improve your vocabulary. Try to learn 1-3 new words a day and incorporate it in your vocabulary.

This is a great tool to use when learning new languages too. You can practice your speaking skills and see how fast you can remember/ read words.

[cryptid-aac]

I can't believe I have to say this but there's. HUGE difference between saying "small talk is actually quite fun" and "small talk is actually fun and if you don't engage with the bit then you have a small soul and are miserable"

Yes, some (LSN) autistics do have the ability to learn how to do small talk. But the vast majority do not and can not. And using confirmation bias doesn't make you not ableist. The truth of the matter is that the vast majority of autistics who have seen your posts and are hurt by it probably don't engage and just block you. Because they've seen how you treated the autistics who are like "hey calling people miserable for not doing the bit is actually pretty damn ableist, even if you didn't mean it". They've seen how you hide behind the autistics who can do the bit and use them as an excuse as a "*they* can do it, so you can to."

[defectivegembrain]

Like you know what is much more sociable, actually, than expecting everyone to adhere perfectly to your pet social conventions? Adapting your interactions, especially if it's clear that you are significantly more adaptable than your conversation partner. It's deeply unfriendly, actually, to assume that someone who's very quiet or awkward or whatever is just not trying.

[the-fool-who-loves]

[whetstonefires]

also like. you train your smalltalk skills by doing Your Best at social events you are not in any way enjoying but can't reasonably leave right now so that later, when you are having a supremely shit day and are all out of fucks, you have banked enough XP in the art that you stand a decent chance of being acceptably pleasant to your waitress on autopilot.

i once in my youth had to spend five hours being so normal at the funeral of a cousin i had liked but not known well, because making that day in any way more difficult for her sisters was totally unacceptable.

i leveled up in the art of 'prioritizing the comfort of others over sincerity' like three times in that funeral parlor just desperately making sure to not even risk being an ass.

sometimes the ability to do that is very much called-for, is my point ig. and especially if it Does Not come naturally, you gotta grind to get there.

[tumbler-polls]

This prompt was submitted by @mystical-dorito

[smallsinger5901]

seeing death note tiktok is like visiting an alternate reality where everyone hates lawlight, L, and Mello, and agrees with Light.

‘He had a point and in the end everything would’ve been for the greater good, they shouldn’t have killed unalived him! I wish Kira was real 🥰’ mum pick me up im scared 😨