#; { the problem is i got a lot of brains and no polish : about
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capslocked · 2 years ago
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STARLET
male reader x cho miyeon
part 1 of another name up in lights
28k words (special thanks to @passingnotions for helping make all my work possible)
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“I would rather throw up,” you murmur out of the corner of your mouth, “than do another take of this scene with you.” “Okay.” Miyeon tilts her chin. The lights begin to dim over the blonde hair she has falling over an upturned brow. “Then throw up.”
It takes a few beats—while production staff scurry about the tense silence rolling through the studio—for everything to fall perfectly still.
Miyeon takes a deep breath, and whispers: “I can get you a bucket.”
“Action!” (The one where Miyeon ruins your career, and you ruin her too.)
- That first time the two of you are photographed together, it’s wholly unremarkable. The entirety of the cast is in frame, standing shoulder to shoulder in front of the banner at the presser and pretending that someone had just whispered something worthy of a belly laugh into your ears. Cho Miyeon hangs delicately off your arm, hand wrapped just above your elbow, and all of you are at your most jovial—looking like you’re simply having the most wonderful time, smiles wide and beaming. Because if that isn’t part of the act. You sell the characters, the fiction, the drama even when the cameras aren’t rolling.
The second photo is what gets people talking. 
Anyone with half a brain ought to know that if you were sincerely seeing your co-star, an untruth that the general public is apparently beyond happy to eat up, you wouldn’t be so careless to post up outside a small cafe. Certainly not at a trendy place aside one of the busiest streets in the city, but these tabloids are rabid. Like a head injury, that self-condemning desire to get clicks and hits at any cost has long clouded their ability to think, and so it gets plastered right there on the front page of every rag in the industry. Don’t get it confused, the photo looks good. It’s got allure and mischief written all over it. And that’s exactly what you’re going for.
Miyeon’s hair is up, tied into a messy bun, because she’d have hated to obfuscate the work that her floral shoulderless dress was not doing in hiding from the world the most immaculate pair of collarbones you’d ever seen. Then in her hands—between her teeth—she fiddles with the earpiece of her sunglasses, shooting you with the clearest, most flagrant fuck me now eyes that only a blind person might not pick up on (doubtful still). And you’re there, smirking back at her, for even if a photo tells a whole story, this one really only ever needed a sentence: sparks flying, the two of you really hit it off. 
It’s a point of contention later—several times actually—but regardless of how you feel, the girl can act.
Now the image that really gets the media whipped into a frenzy is a lot less polished. It’s grainy and the lighting is poor and in a change of pace, the quality of the photo would lead you to believe that it wasn’t premeditated. Which, unfortunately, is exactly how it goes down.
Even still, it's all framed perfectly, infamously, a straight-up disaster. Miyeon is immediately recognizable, unabashedly blonde and gorgeous as ever. You’ve got your mouth on hers and the problems absolutely do not end there: her back is flush against the bricks of the alley, pinned under your weight, and yes, your hands are busy. One up her skirt, the other in her shirt, she’s blushing into you, and you wouldn’t know from the photo, but she’s got her fingers working at your belt and as a collection, it’s all utterly shameless. Everything up to that point had been muted in subtext; both of you know the value of intrigue, the art of letting everyone else connect the dots—this, however, unintentionally becomes a phenomenon.
Lights the internet on fire for a minute.
The shocking part of all this, what ends up being labeled a calamity by people whose opinions actually concern you, is the photo that you assume will haunt you forever and follow you to your grave isn’t even the one where you’re making out with the starlet du jour in the harsh yellow of an exterior floodlight—in the relaxed wickedness only two AM might ever know. No, it’s this photo, the press’s favorite, given how it shows up everywhere. Miyeon’s holding the award for best actress in a lead role in one hand, knuckles tight around the podium microphone with her other. She’s radiant. She’s flustering. She’s breathtaking. She even trips up on her words in a way that’s endearing. And every fool with a blog is infatuated by all of it.
Your own thoughts on the matter aside, the most neutral and economic way to describe it is unintentionally funny. You were with her when she picked out that silver sequin evening dress, sparkling in the demand of stage lights and camera flashes. It spills from where the garment ties around her neck over the lines of her body as if it has no bias itself for any form or structure, only curving on its journey to her feet at the behest of where her breasts sloped down from her collarbones, the flare of her hips just below her waist. She’s the spitting image of perfection, a damn icon—the headlines are supposed to be about her—but there you are: tucked into the corner, in a sea of faces all justifiably mesmerized by the beauty that walked delicately onto the stage and adorably needed to adjust the microphone stand down to her height. 
As It turns out, the absolute displeasure in your scowl isn’t any less captivating. Envious. Spiteful. Arrogant. You catch some serious flak for it.
For months, it ends up being the subject of commentary online, in print, on television—your names on the tips of everyone’s tongues. All with their own theories, but no one manages to guess the truth for a long time, because no one could even begin to believe it:
You hate Miyeon, and Miyeon hates you.
-
Oh, there are plenty of clues, if you aren’t already keenly aware of it, that your career is slowly sliding into obscurity. Years ago, walking into your agent's office was an event: eyes widened and turned to you immediately. The quiet smiles, the blushing, the batting of eyelashes. The pomp and circumstance of the agency’s biggest client strolling into Soyeon’s office like you were crossing the Rubicon into the streets of Rome. It was glorious and it always meant something big was about to happen.
To be clear, you’re not saying you need the attention, but today, no one even offers to take your coat, which is a shame, because it’s been raining biblically for the past week, and there’s puddles in your shoes, squeaking obnoxiously as you parade unceremoniously through a row of desks. Even so, sounding like a dog’s chew toy, it’s sheer and utter avoidance—eyes glued to monitors and unlifted from scribbled notes as though you’re simply another courier delivering a parcel (which hey, in all honesty, someone like that might even have some of that magical potential). 
“Hold up. What do you mean they’re passing me up?” you ask, eyes narrowed and leaning forward in your seat so that the blatant abandonment of all your grace and charm doesn’t get lost in translation across the length of Soyeon’s desk. “That part had my fucking name on it.”
“It did.” Soyeon drums her pen against her keyboard. Comes close to making a face. “And now it has someone else’s name on it. Someone the studio trusts.”
“Oh, for christ’s sake, he’s twelve years older than me. The character is supposed to be thirty, not a dinosaur in a Kingsman suit.” 
“It’s the silver fox thing. He markets easily to women.”
“And I don’t?” you stammer out, and Soyeon lifts an eyebrow. “Only a date night staple for almost a decade, Soyeon. Can you honestly sit there and say I wouldn’t play it better? The man plays nothing but himself in every role. Every. Single. Role.”
“Well, it just so happens that he brings people to the theater in droves,” Soyeon snaps back before you have the chance to say anything you could possibly regret. “Look, I told you I have good news and bad news, and it sounds like you’ve figured out the bad news already.”
“Oh please don’t tell me it’s charity.” You wave your hand flippantly. “We’re not doing this.” 
Discount parts for struggling actors. If they were worth more than the paper in the scripts they were printed on, Soyeon would’ve been negotiating them this very moment. 
There’s a lot about it to unpack, your fall from grace. You aren’t bringing in commissions, directors aren’t lining up in front of the firm to shove their scripts in front of your nose, and your last few films are better remembered for the comedic value of their scathing reviews than the actual screenplay or cinematography.
One such review of your most recent work, an ill-fated screen adaptation of Blood Meridian that had ‘studio interference’ written all over it right from its woeful inception, reads: I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the implied sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the subliminal insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.
There are plenty more just like it, and plenty worse, but it’s never done you any good, mentally, to sift through them.
“Really. I’m serious, these parts aren’t bad.” 
Soyeon has enough confidence in her voice to sound convincing, but you’ve also never heard her come across any different. You catch yourself pausing to think about it, which is a clear tell that you’re perhaps nearing wit’s end, considering you’re not one to shy away from blurting out the first thought that forms half-coherent into your head.
“Now, they’re not what you’re looking for, admittedly, but I just think with a little luck, they could end up being a fortuitous move,” she adds.
“Go on, pitch,” you say, before sinking a little lower into your chair because even though it pains you to agree with her, she’s right.
“If you’ll dismount from your high horse for a moment,” Soyeon starts, waiting for you to finish rolling your eyes, “the Coens called again—”
“I’m not.”
“The part is interesting.”
“The part is small, it’s side-cast. Don’t sugarcoat it. I’m not taking one of their rescue-shelter-for-the-has-been supporting roles. That’s the equivalent of throwing in the towel.”
“It’s done wonders for careers in worse shape than yours, to be candid.”
“Careful,” you warn her, lifting your chin and glaring—a look you are definitely not known for—but if there’s anyone in the industry who could hold her own, deflect your best, and make you feel foolish for thinking you could cross swords and come out unscathed, it’s Jeon Soyeon.
“May I remind you that I’ve been nominated for best actor three times? That no one in their right mind predicted any of those movies to be any good? I’ve got talent. Let’s not sit around and pretend like I need to be put on life support here. I’m capable.”
Soyeon just steeples her fingers together. “I don’t need the reminder. I made that exact point in a call with a producer this morning, but it’s hard to get people to look past the fact that some of your recent choices have been—”
“If you’re going to say I told you so,” you grumble, letting out a sharp sigh, “let’s get it over with.”
She doesn’t say anything right away. Just pushes a folder across the desk and into your hands like she’s betraying national secrets to a foreign adversary. “Listen, don’t walk out in disgust. At least not right away.”
It takes only a moment. You recognize what’s going on here immediately. “Soyeon.”
“I know. I know. I know.” She waves her hand. “But hear me out, give it a chance.”
“It’s a rom-com, Soyeon.” “I’m plenty aware of what it is.” “I can see it already: smart, sophisticated, funny.” It takes a lot not to curl your lip. And then it fucking curls anyway. “I thought… I thought I had climbed out of the depths of romantic-comedy-hell, Soyeon. This is like suggesting that I get back into a relationship with an abuser.”
“I know, but this one actually is different,” she says, and you take a moment to remember you’ve always respected her honesty, paid her for it, and should’ve probably listened to it on more than one occasion. It’s the reason you’re here of all places. 
“You’d kill the part,” she adds. “You spent years killing parts just like it. There’s no shame in that. And the director’s asked for you, specifically. By name. She’s willing to double your asking price.”
So maybe your eyes widen at that, even if it’s the absolute worst way to admit defeat, that you’re just as talentless as you’ve always feared: retreating back to the comfort of the role, all that expertise in acting with—no scratch that, acting at—some barely legal starlet ready to show a little skin to get ahead. 
(That’s the nature of the game, and it’s your roots, unfortunately, but it’s safe, and if the money is there, then better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.) “Ah, yeah okay, well here’s the thing: they’ve already decided on the female lead.” You lean forward, like you’d have to listen to this next part in a whisper, because anything louder than that would make it too difficult to bear. “And?” Soyeon clicks her tongue, runs her thumb across her lips, thinking of how to soften the blow. “I mean she isn’t what you’d call an actress, exactly.” “What the hell does that mean, exactly?” “Cho Miyeon,” she starts, and you’re actually just sitting there, tasting at something in your mouth like it’ll help you make sense of it, if only for the reason that you’re not quite sure who that is. “She’s, uh, well, she’s a popstar, you see.” “Oh you’re not kidding.”
There’s a sincerity that lives somewhere in Soyeon’s lack of any expression at all, perfect poker-face armed and readied. You have to squint to really take it in. Heavens.
-
Exactly how much Soyeon actually knew about this girl, you’ll never know. She claimed first that they met through a mutual friend who does publicity work for another studio, and on a separate occasion saying that they went to school together, determinedly avoiding anything like names or corroborating details. Of course you believed her, because how were you supposed to know any different?
“Wait, you mean like actual royalty?” you ask a few days later, after Soyeon explains Miyeon’s nickname to you, because in this industry, it’s really not that ridiculous a question. 
“It’s just a running gag,” she says casually, and you both watch the waiter wordlessly grate pepper into her salad until Soyeon puts a hand up.
“So,” you continue, incredulous, “it’s supposed to be funny?”
“Look, it’s a whole thing.” Soyeon picks up her fork, but doesn’t quite end up doing anything with it. “I promise she’s only half the disaster you think she is.”
“Then do me a favor: kick my shin when I’m supposed to laugh.”
“Do yourself a favor, and try to be a little amiable.”
“You say that like I don’t know how to be charming,” you deadpan, sipping at your coffee while Soyeon’s glare stands its ground.
It’s nothing official, but Soyeon had organized a script reading. The Director is off in some foreign land scouting for the perfect beach with perfectly white sand on an island that already has enough problems, and tells you in three separate text messages to just read the fucking script. You’re groaning, rolling your eyes, and then, curled up next to the fireplace in your readers at three in the morning, it hits you—like really hits you. And you’re shocked, mostly, that there's brilliance in these pages. It’s not the kind of flick you expected, the kind that has journalists at the Atlantic, real writers with academic chops and know-how, publishing articles with titles like: Why Are Romantic Comedies So Bad?
Which, hey, isn’t that a great question. There are a couple of answers, you imagine. You haven’t read the piece of course; you’re the last person that would ever need to. But perhaps among the most fundamental obligations for the genre is that there must be some degree of obstacle, a challenge to nuptial bliss that the hero and heroine must overcome, all before the story’s happily-ever-after. And, to put it simply, such obstacles have only gotten harder and harder to come by. They used to lie in heaps and piles on the ground, ripe for the picking: parental disapproval, difference in social class, unfulfilled promises, the classic and creatively bankrupt friendship-blossoming-into-romance. Nowadays there’s quite literally nothing new under the sun.
So take that all into account, and then add in the fact that you’ve got your hands on something innovative and creative and tasteful—it’s insulting, absurd even, that you’d hamstring the movie by shooting one of the leads out of a cannon and into the hands of a novice who may or may not be able to act her way out of a paper bag. The part calls for subtlety, not the ham-handedness and dramatic stylings of a girl whose experience with the camera extends to knowing when and when not to wink.
Only here’s the thing, it’s not absurd. Like at all. Because enter Cho Miyeon.
She appears in profile first, before pulling a chair out from the table and taking a seat all with the confidence of someone who’d probably be welcome at any table, anytime, anywhere. And almost immediately, you’ve got the answer to those hundred different questions of why. Why a rookie? Why a pop idol? Why ‘princess?’ 
Well, see, on a basic level, she’s fucking breathtaking.
The devil’s in the details if you aren’t disarmed completely at a glance. Dignified, regal, royal, this girl has it all, and then some. Her hair frames her face as though it were in any need of succor, perfectly messed and ash-blonde and tumbling effortless down her shoulders. She flutters her lashes; her lips part, close again in a way that is oddly captivating; and she gets a tilt in her chin that’s worth a thousand words (most of them admittedly, jesus, fuck, and my god). It’s like she not only understands every cliche in the book—but she’s gone out of her way to make them hers. “Miyeon,” she says, voice gentle and saccharine sweet, extending her hand towards you. 
It dawns on you that there’s a certain authority that comes about from saying your own name, even when you know no one has ever needed it—contrast to the way her hand fits in yours, dainty fingers, wrist flawlessly delicate; she’s five-two, arguably five-three in her socks and you’re the one who could crush her. Even so, it’s your mouth that runs dry. You’re catching your breath, and you have to clear your throat to even return the favor.
“I’m a huge fan of your work,” she adds. 
“Oh,” you start, shifting gears, getting ready to lie straight through your teeth, “me as well.” It’s shamelessly performative. And Soyeon knows that. The wince she struggles to hold back from across the table is hard not to notice.
But then so is Miyeon, your eyes trailing down her body like a palpable touch over every curve.
Black mini skirt, pre-torn sheer tights, a pair of knee-high combat boots with a hell of a heel on them, and you’re just realizing you can see how perfectly flat her tummy is, peeking out beneath where the hem of her shirt decides to taper for the betterment of mankind. Ah, you get it, so apparently idols really do dress like that—anything and everything to tell you, keep your eyes on me now.
The feet of your chair scrape loud on the floor as you stand on your feet. “Charmed, I’m sure.”
“Alright,” Soyeon tuts as she stabs at her salad, “let’s dial it back.”
It takes two tries to meet her eyes properly, these beautifully dark and dangerous things, but Miyeon just blinks at you, quirks her lips gently into a small smile. And you smile right back, just a little, because maybe this isn’t going to be so bad after all.
-
It isn’t anything like the romance Miyeon will later make it out to be. 
Even though sure, you’re both there laughing, blushing and coy—all of it enough to make the characters in the script look even-keeled, something a little more sane. “Please, it’s called chemistry,” you begin crafting excuses toward your agent when Miyeon takes a phone call on the terrace. “I have it with everyone.” And maybe that’s true. Maybe it isn’t. But be careful, there’s nothing noble about what’s going on here. 
“Sorry,” Miyeon apologizes, like she’d ever need to, pulling her chair right up next to yours. “Where were we?”
Just the part where the characters realize everything they’ve ever been looking for is right there in front of them. You spit the pen cap out of your mouth to answer: “the epiphany.”
For what it’s worth, the actual work to be done goes smoother than you expect. Sure, the initial delivery is rough around the edges and in need of a little tender love and care, but that’s far more than what you’d been prepared to give Miyeon credit for.
Not too long after, Miyeon suggests splitting a bottle of wine, something light and sparkling. It goes down easy.
Soyeon figures it’s time to fabricate some way to gracefully exit this whole thing, fingers tapping wildly at her phone, when you and Miyeon start touching each other. It’s subtle at first: she leans over your shoulder when you point something out in the script, pulls back a curtain of blonde hair right back over her ear before brushing up against you, lingers just long enough so that she can flick her eyes up to yours—doesn’t even care to look away whenever you catch her staring. And that’s just what can be seen above the table.
With a coat tucked under her armpit and her belongings all hastily gathered, Soyeon turns her face back over her shoulder one last time; she’s glaring, opening her mouth to say something but decides against it at the last moment. You get the message: don’t sleep with her.
You simply wave her off. Hide your own disappointment that she thinks you’d even need the reminder, because you would never.
“I guess I'm really looking forward to it,” Miyeon says, once the sun’s finished its daily dive into the horizon—once there’s only a mess of papers and empty wine glasses trailing in your wake. 
(The restaurant’s in the middle of whipping itself into shape before a slew of dinner reservations come through. It feels rude to camp out at a table any longer.)
Miyeon turns to you, standing with a hand on her hip like the two of you are neighbors who share a mailbox, and says, “think it could be fun.”
Oh, surely you’ve done a better job at masking a grin. Miyeon picks up on it instantly.
“I’m serious,” she adds, letting the timbre of her voice shift into this juxtaposition of suggestion and naivety that has you doing a double take, mentally. Because the lines in her picture perfect face are so very easy to latch onto—even if you’ve never seen anyone as perfectly sculpted as her, you can’t shake the feeling that all humans ought to come out looking like this—but at the same time, there’s something that lies beneath the surface, something undoubtedly complex, something that quietly chides you for having such untoward thoughts of a subject so innocent and docile.
“I’m not trying to take the air out of your sails or anything,” you say as you guide her through the door, hand pressing at the small of her back, “but these shoots can end up being a lot less enjoyable than they look.” “Of course,” Miyeon says, laughing, because here she is, the rookie, and it’s all very natural for her to appeal to some innate desire in you to come off as the authority on anything—film, stardom, the lack thereof, navigating life as a young pretty thing, the authority you’d discover in bending her over your kitchen counters—to some extent, she has you at least a little figured out. “What I mean is I’m looking forward to working with you.”
You watch her smile slant, shift quietly towards something more suggestive when you slip your coat around her shoulders—it’s a foregone conclusion, not that either of you are willing to look it straight in the face.
What you should have done is grabbed your phone and called her a car; there’s thousands of them in this city. What you should've done is driven home, alone. That’s all it should have been. Just some starlet you charmed for an evening to get your career back in order. Nothing more, nothing more. And instead of getting her for a few months plus change, you get her for life. This should’ve been extra clear when she leaned up against the passenger side door of your car, and found a new angle, something she’d only to that point allow to muse about your idle thoughts:
“And here I was, thinking you were just someone playing a part. Only ever a romantic for the camera.” 
You can’t even say it all happens so fast. 
Not when you take in consideration how you watch Miyeon delicately, slowly, purposefully grab a fistful of your shirt, balling it between her fingers, and begin to twist. This is probably where you’ll start, you think, when you explain it all in a tell-all book long past the age of your youth. Because, oh, what a pleasant surprise. She’s perfect. Flawless. A natural. You can’t keep your eyes away from her, and she’d have it no other way.
“Are you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?” you ask, if only to resist the urge to pull her in.
“Well, I suppose I’ve got a few ideas,” she says, and there’s a glimmer at the surface of her eyes, dark and intelligent and flashing with something like danger, something like the worst decision you’ve made in years. And that’s saying a lot. “But I’d like to think you can show me.”
You give her a practiced smile, stretching just right, careful, careless, carefree. Trust me, that smile says. It’s a scene from a movie, one of many. It’s familiar. You’ve been here, with weapons in a caliber all of your own, and Miyeon’s cheeks start to ever-so-perfectly redden, porcelain skin come aflame. 
“You know,” you say, making your voice drawl until Miyeon shuffles her weight between her feet, “if it was up to the writers, I’d kiss you here.”
“If it was up to me,” Miyeon starts, chin up at you like a challenge, “I’d let you.”
The way Miyeon explains it later is that you duck your head and hold your lips next to hers just long enough to let your next breath make her swoon, all before interrupting her with a hungry exhale and an open mouth pressing into hers. A hard, biting kiss that sends shivers down her spine. That you angle your mouths just right so your tongues can slip together, so you might sweep this girl right off her feet and into your arms—if Miyeon has a face that has fantasy written all over it, then so do you, and she says you ought to know what it does it to people. She’ll be half right. 
Only when you lean into her and start filing away those mental notes of how perfect her tiny waist fits in your hands, you pause at the sound of a cricket chirping, a reminder of the neighborhood around you.
“Not out here,” you murmur, casting a wary eye over her shoulder. “Let me take you home.”
Miyeon sniffles, blinks a few times, and nods.
-
Really, it starts with you. A month before you begin shooting, you suffer from a little insanity of your own. Miyeon’s got the second boot only halfway off her foot, lit up in the soft darkness of your foyer, when you take hold of her. 
It’s not like you figured this was your last chance for happiness—swallowing down the gasp that comes off Miyeon’s lips like it were your only shot at tasting heaven—but that’s exactly how you kiss her. Mouth open and hot and heavy against hers. It’s hard to explain, and it doesn’t quite add up; you’ve got your Furies, your own personal pantheon, the girls you’ve most dreamed about and had running through your thoughts—who’d eventually find their way between your sheets in some manner or another, melting in your hands. But somehow, Miyeon’s different, you convince yourself. Or she does rather, starting with her tongue sliding languidly against yours before she decides to bite down on the swell of your lower lip. It hurts. 
She knows it hurts.
“Watch it,” you say, coming off kind of harsh, before you can realize what all is going on here. Before you come to the understanding that she’s untouchable, priceless, that you can’t afford to break her—and that it’s precisely what she wants out of you.
“What?” she asks, the corners of her mouth slanted up ever so slightly. “You’ve got nice lips.”
How you’ll ever be able to forget someone like her, you haven’t a single clue, because Miyeon uncovers and undresses you down right to the bare soul. Your mouths crash again, just enough subdued to keep your teeth from clicking together like you’ve never done this before—like you’re reading her, getting lost in a new paradox: the intrigue of her tongue caressing yours, the familiarity of her thumb rubbing circles into your back. There’s the Miyeon that was cracking wise and sipping wine with you an hour ago, and now there’s this.
“So, how are we doing this?” she asks, breaths wet and heavy as she fidgets with the button on your pants. “How do you want me?” “Well.” You’re sliding a hand up her stomach, across her ribs, until you hit the silky fabric beneath her shirt. “I’m not sure I know what you’re asking here.” “Don’t play dumb.” Miyeon looks you straight in the eye, and she’s close enough that you can count the flecks of gold dancing in her irises. Brows furrowed for a second, she ends up indulging you anyway: “I’m asking how you want to fuck me?”
Every turn in her voice sinks deeper, reels you in further, coaxes you into shoving her to the wall between the door and a coat rack. The way she yelps first in surprise as her back hits the hard surface, whimpering later in delight at the grip your hands make onto her hips, it gives you the sense that she’s flustered, unable to come off as anything beyond embarrassingly forward and drowning in anticipation—
“Miyeon,” you say, slowly, getting a good read on just how much she likes hearing you say her name. That it’ll kill her, you figure, when you’re fucking her with slow, deep, deliberate strokes—once she’s inches within cumming and falling apart and it’s arriving right in her ear. “What do you think?” That lands even more pointed somehow. More dangerous than you could have ever predicted, the charm and practiced charisma in your voice coming out in lethal force: “Maybe, oh let’s see… should I fuck you right here?”
Miyeon starts with her fingertips across your scalp before threading them through your hair. “Well,” she says, teasing the callback, drawing the syllable out as though running it conceptually through her head. “If that isn’t a spectacular idea, I don’t know what is.”
“Yeah,” you murmur into the delicate skin under her jaw, and after lifting off her shirt and tossing it aside, she kisses you with a consuming, needy kind of hunger one more time. Until you’re both just out of breath. “I think so too.” Miyeon dips her fingers into the waist of your pants before anything else. Function of the fact that men’s clothing is so straightforward and predictable, she’s able to shimmy them down off your hips until they hang unceremoniously around your thighs. “Um,” she says, sinking her teeth into her lip a moment, right after curling her fingers around your cock, “you’re like, really hard, you know that?”
“I was going to mention it earlier. You’re kinda my type.”
She leans into you, sighing a little into your neck. “Which is?”
“Oh, you know,” you say nonchalantly. “Pretty. Small. Ruinable. That sort of thing.”
“Right.” With a jerk of her wrist, Miyeon brings your cockhead flush against her stomach—pumps you there leisurely. “Wouldn’t want Soyeon thinking you were planning on ruining me.”
“Quick learner,” you murmur, bunching her skirt up over the rise of her hips.
“Well, we’re really not so different, you and me.”
“Hm.” She doesn’t know what she’s saying—you’re you—storied, seasoned, and only heeding right now to the wail of torn fabric. There’s a hole in her tights already, and your fingers work fast. Rip, tear, threads screeching undone. “I’m curious to hear what all gives you that impression.” 
“The way I see it, we both know what we want,” she says, unashamed, and the sound that escapes her mouth sounds a lot like a hiccup, some little hopeful noise or another, swallowing for air at the touches skating across her underwear, where it’s soaked and hot and begging. “Suppose that’s true.” “Not afraid to go for it either.” She tightens her grip around your cock, squeezing like she’s waiting for you to tell her to stop and running her thumb across your slit. “Won’t settle for anything less than you—”
“A word of advice,” you start, and the authority in your voice makes her melt just a little further in your grip. “From someone who’s not so different… A little flexibility goes a long way, sweetheart.”
“Oh.” It’s smug, the way she says it. Her eyes are heavy, hooded—honing the perfect hue of haughty as she drags her panties to the side. “I’m nothing if not a little flexible.” You bend from your knees, because Miyeon is tiny where she stands, up against drywall with her dainty arms thrown over your shoulders. And in a way, she’s right: you see the parallels, cut from the same cloth, the two strained noises or another buzzing in your throat indistinguishable when you hook your hand around her thigh, raise it, and barely slide yourself inside her, just an inch.
Miyeon’s mouth opens like she’s going to speak, and then hovers there, brows turning and knitting together—something you more than understand, because you’re on the verge of losing your mind too. She’s wet and slick with heat and so fucking inviting that you think the world might end if you don’t bury yourself into her this very second. Not that there isn’t near commensurate satisfaction in drawing out the moment, you fast discover, teasing mercilessly until you can hear Miyeon’s frustration. Her eyes shut tight, and her breath becomes ragged as you allow her another inch—almost keening when you pull back before pushing your cock into her cunt again, fucking her open slowly.
It’s only when you hear her beg please, please, please that you sink all the way in.
And she feels amazing. Tight and hot and clinging, she sleeves onto you like a glove. Immaculate enough to chip away at your positions regarding fate, the ridiculous notion that under the stars there was a girl out there for you, that you’re in orbit with some inevitable conclusion and her name is fucking Cho Miyeon. So outright sinful that you still need a beat to come to terms with it, and you make an effort to voice that: “Fucking hell, Miyeon.”
She lets out a whiny, punched out breath, tilting her chin to the ceiling and revealing the long column of her throat to you like an invitation, though you press your lips to her temple first, the taste of her skin and the sweat aside her brow like wine—sweet and woozy and intoxicating. There’s the rise and fall of her breathing against your chest, your fingers spread out across her creamy skin, and a sudden jerk from her hips, as if to bring you back to the present.
“Oh my god,” Miyeon gasps as your hips are drawn back again. 
Only this time you’ve got the soft cheek of her ass spilling through your fingers. Waning self-control. Even less reservation about pulling her right back onto your cock. And though you’re mostly silent each time you work your entire length back into her, Miyeon is anything but—all these appreciative noises coming from low in her throat.
It might be the hottest thing you’ve ever witnessed: the way she darts her tongue out to wet her lips, how her breath hitches when you move, each and every sound she makes as you fuck wildly into her cunt—slamming in, in, in, and you can hear her begin to whimper, feel her caressing the curve of your ass with her… ankle? She tugs on you, grips you, and does whatever she can to keep you deep inside her. As though you’d ever, ever stop.
“I can’t,” Miyeon starts, and it’s nearly comedic—you’d be in fits if you weren’t delicately unraveling this girl in your hands, taking her apart piece by piece, blow by blow. The poise in her voice is gone; what’s left is shattered, unrecognizable mostly. Even those dignified lines in her face start to twist and wobble, threaten to come undone. “Please, I need… oh, please make me cum. I need to cum on your cock.” “Breathe,” you tell her, feeling her slip a little against the wall, puddling further in your grip. It surprises you, the way your words come out like the crush of gravel beneath a boot, and it grips at something within Miyeon too, clues her in on how much she needs you—sucking air in through her teeth and sinking her face into your shoulder. The lines that mark where you end and Miyeon start are quickly eroding, boundary become meaningless. “I know you want to cum, but I need you to breathe for me, Miyeon.”
Her palms are damp with sweat, wrung around the back of your neck, hair sticking to her forehead and darkening in a beam of pale moonlight, not to mention what you hear: harder, faster, more—the needy requests make it sound like she’s almost sobbing. 
“I promise, I promise,” you whisper into her mouth, “I’ll do anything for you. But first, I’m going to use this tight little cunt—gonna make a mess of you.”
Your fingers dig into her soft skin, tighter, tighter; you’ll leave bruises, marks, fingerprints, all this damage she’ll trace back to you—evidence that’ll queue memories like a roll of film, bring her right back to how you have her mewling and moaning at the end of your cock, tears welling on her lashes and mascara running dark beneath her eyes.
 “Fuck,” slips out of her, nearly pouting like it’s your fault, that she’d never curse in front of anyone and here she is, teeth gritted—because, god, she’s all coiled muscle, tightened around your cock and meltdown imminent—you get your fingers under her chin and tilt her head to you.
“Gonna make you beg, Miyeon.”
“I… fuck…” Her voice gets locked up in her throat, choking back on something that turns into a wail when you adjust your angle, hit deeper, fuck harder—“I can’t,” she whispers, “I can’t,” but you keep fucking into her tight hole, nowhere close to letting up.
There’s just something so fascinating about a girl like this, a girl like Miyeon, with a gaze that inspires all this admiration and idolatry. It ought to pierce right through somebody like you and leave you for dead, bring you to your knees, but you’re nothing like she expected; you’re everything she hoped. So instead, as you watch her gasping mouth that was coyly smiling in your favor all afternoon; her small tits spilling forward when you lift up her bra; how she’s slumped back against the wall, relaxed and trusting you implicitly to carry her weight for as long as it takes; the shadowy place where your cock is drenched, glistening and disappearing between her thighs—oh, Jesus, is that a visual—it all clicks in your head: Miyeon is so, so astonishingly submissive. 
Whether it’s the fingers at her throat, or the grip hooking under her thigh, the one thing that’s clear is this: you’re using Miyeon. Fucking her within inches of irrevocably falling apart. You, the hammer; her, the nail—pounding her further into the drywall until she’s quivering and moaning and gasping into your mouth. Oh, the places you’ll pin her. You’re relentless, merciless; it’s the fact that she gets off on it that’ll stick with you. For a long time.
“Gonna make you beg for it, princess,” you amend, lips now pressing into Miyeon’s ear, and she immediately shudders apart.
It’s filthy is the thing: you’re railing the girl with deep, harsh strokes, and Miyeon’s pussy is  writhing in both protest and penury. She’s so creamed you can hear it through all the sounds of skin on skin, the percussive soundtrack of your thighs slamming up into hers. Each squelch, the wet sinful sound of it—it’s how you know your cock is making a total mess of her wrecked cunt. More and more each time it fills her and brings her that much closer to toe-curling-climax. 
Let me, she breathes against you, barely held together. The hand you have under her asscheek is doing most of the heavy lifting. “Please let me cum, please, please, please let me fucking cum all over this cock, I need to cum on this perfect cock, oh my god—”
When Miyeon finally turns up at you, she’s biting down on her bottom lip again. Her head tilts a bit, something deep and pleading in those big, brown eyes, and it almost, almost makes you feel guilty. Nearly ashamed that this delicate little thing had fallen into your lap and your knee-jerk reaction was to fuck her so hard she started to wail, cracking at the seams.
“Your cock,” she blurts out, breath jagged and uneven, “is amazing. You are—”
Like you said, almost. 
“—amazing.”
There’s nothing you can say to that, is there?
“Again… want to… again…” she demands of you, like she’s in any position to be making any. Her hands are all over you, finally undressing you, and all things considered, you don’t have the heart to tell her no. You’re hoping that never becomes a problem.
Miyeon scoops up easily enough into your arms after her orgasm had knocked the architecture right out of her legs, wobbling against the wall and almost sliding to the floor. And It all plays out again, just minutes later, after you set her on a barstool in your kitchen and slip back inside her. Sure, it’s a different setting, but you recognize it for what it is: the same story, with the same characters and the same ending, the one where you’ve got your cock fucking hard and fast into her cunt.
“Fucking, oh my god…” she rasps, just a waving white flag short of total surrender. “You’re going to make me fucking cum again. Yes, yes, yes—”
Until everything seemingly comes undone at once. And it quickly turns into stuttering cries of please and fuck and need it and all sorts of things you’ll have to promise you never heard, filth unfitting for a perfect mouth like Miyeon’s—the one now curving into that unforgettable shape while she chokes back on moans and mewls. It hits her like a brick, and her head rolls back as she groans, furrowing her brows and screwing her eyes shut.
You tell yourself it’s the fact that she’s so sweet, so docile, and all at the flick of a switch. Just moments after you’ve bottomed out in her pussy—after you’ve sent her higher and higher to where she’s reduced to nothing like the royalty everyone expects of her: needy, begging. 
It’s whiplash really, from callous and cruel to caring and soft in a matter of seconds. Your foreheads come together while you catch your breath. That’s an image all in itself. And when she laughs slightly, there are the quiet tremors, the spasms of her diaphragm clenching around you. It’s hard to tell what’s going through her head, before she covers the exhausted huffs out of your mouth with a kiss that lives in the gray area between sweet and harsh and consuming. Fuck. You’d stay here forever.
(Forever ends up being a hell of a lot shorter than you expect. Because Miyeon takes to cumming on your cock like water takes to paper.)
“Wanna ride,” she tells you, breath having caught up to her and wiping sweat from her brow—something like an inciting incident, taking the two of you all the way to the living room. 
She doesn’t outright tell you that she wants you to just hold her down and fucking use her, but she doesn’t last long on top of you either, leaning back from your lap with her hands hooked around your neck and dragging you forward, until you’re once again spilling over her, pounding her hot, sopping cunt like she needs. 
You’re cautious, usually—responsible. It isn’t like you, really. The excuse you’ll settle into later is that Miyeon’s cunt is impossibly vice-tight when you make her cum a third time. She’s in the midst of being swallowed up in the cushions of your sofa, the soles of her cute little feet pointed skyward, knees folded to her shoulders and pressed under your weight while you make sure she’s well fucked through the apex of it all.
“Good girl,” you tell her—the praise cutting straight to her final lifelines, tearing them to ribbons and leaving them for dead—and you’re shifting the angle, the depth to try and get her to scream the exact same way she did the first time. “Go ahead Miyeon—cum for me, princess. You’re going to fucking cum all over this cock again.”
And she does. Hard.
Quivering. Squirming even, she comes apart, fucked deep and hard into the springs of a chaise lounge and leaving stains on leather that won’t ever quite go away. Though it doesn’t manage to arrive with anything like an announcement, as it had before, heralded by curses and the elegant simplicity of meekly choking out the word cumming through a fit of gasps and hiccups. Her voice now is so fragmented, so utterly debauched and ruined, that she only manages to husk out a pathetic whine.
“So fucking pretty, Miyeon,” you rasp, watching the blush sear right across her nose, “so gorgeous when you cum for me. And god, this fucking pussy…”
The hands on the clock spin out, numbers running forward and back, and you’re long past the point of temperance. Each stroke in and out of Miyeon’s tight, throbbing, well-fucked cunt twists further at the knot in your stomach, the edge of your own, eager to indulge your fair share of recklessness: “Miyeon, sweetheart, I’m gonna cum.”
Miyeon understands immediately. She’s whimpering, nodding, sinking her fingers into your back—it’s not even a question. “Inside me,” she repeats, several times, until you’re hilted completely in her pussy. It’s hot, sweltering, perfect, and you can’t bring yourself to care that you’re pressing a handprint into her thigh so hard that it hurts. That the sounds leaking out of your throat aren’t anything particularly becoming or that you’re fucking your cum deeper into her cunt with each waning thrust or that you’re not sure if you ever had a better fuck.
“Fuck,” you groan, slumping on top of her petite frame once you’re completely finished. So thoroughly milked and drained.
Miyeon brings her small hands up and cups your face. Just stares like you’ve got something stuck to it. Her gaze drops to your lips—and you’re left thinking for a moment that she’s going to kiss you again, though it never does arrive.
“Hey,” you say finally, panting. Both of you are heaving restless. Everytime her chest rises into you, you’re acutely aware of how her small breasts feel against you, her heart still racing as your softening cock is still warm inside her. “You’re staring.”
“Well, I was going to mention it earlier,” she starts, fluttering her lashes and pressing her lips to the crook of your neck, “but you’re kinda my type too.”
-
The least unusual thing happens.
And if you end up thinking for even a moment that Miyeon is being sincere when she suggests you exchange numbers, you haven’t been paying attention. “You know,” she says, sitting in your lap and tapping her number into your phone, “for work.”
“Ah, of course,” you answer, willing to be fooled, if only just a little, “for work.” 
- Narratively, it’s all out of order: the banal text messages, the playful back and forth, the coy innuendos, the precarious game of being interested without asking too many questions. Both of you are quite content to play your cards close to your chest as though she doesn't know how good your fingers feel in her cunt or that you’re somehow not aware of the small freckle on the seam of her pelvis, another on the inside of her left thigh. That’s just how it goes. But it’s fine, you figure. Especially when you compare it to the alternative: of taking things too fast and careening straight off a cliff. To where, historically, you've burned up in a violent supernova of messy hookups and drunk calls and regrets you’ll carry with you into the next life.
A nice change of pace, if nothing else.And it’s hardly anything unusual either, or at least until you’re standing in the grocery checkout line a few days later. Miyeon decides enough with all that about the rules of engagement. She’s going to call you:
“I was planning on swinging by in a bit to grab my watch,” she starts, and you can make out another voice, maybe a friend? A roommate? in the background of the call, getting shh’d by Miyeon before she continues, “I left it in your bathroom. I think. Maybe on the bedside table.”
“Yeah, I was going back and forth on deciding whether that was purposeful or not.” “Accidental. I swear.”
“Still a little convenient though, isn’t it?” “Nothing convenient about not having my watch.” She laughs out loud. Maybe it’s a bit of vanity on your part to make assumptions, but you’ve got her pieced together, at least a little. Everyone else already reveres and adores her—it’s the fact that you’ll level with her, that she loves a proper challenge.
“Well, I won’t be back for quite a bit. I’m running a few errands.” You smile at the lady at the register. She’s halfway into figuring out who you are.
“Why don’t you do me a favor then… bring it with you to the press event on Friday?”
“Now that’s a surprise,” you tell her. “I’d figure you’d take the chance at face value, to get yourself back over to my place either way.”
“Look, if you’re going to make me need an excuse to sleep with you… let’s put our heads together and come up with something later.”
Oh, of course. Let’s, she says, really leaning into the plurality of it, hoping it’s something you can get used to. And given the fact you figure that Cho Miyeon has never been hard pressed to be anyone’s favorite anything, she is incredibly optimistic you’ll see just how sweet of a deal that all is. You’re answering the woman behind the register first: “paper bags are fine.”
“Are you at the grocery?”
“I am.”
“Sounds fun.” she says, after a considerable pause—the length of which tells you she’d rather dip into the mundane with you than hang up. “What’d you get?” “Breakfast cereal, bananas,” you tell her, staring straight into the conversational deadend. If only you knew any writers. You clear your throat, but Miyeon beats you to it, pulling the emergency ripcord: “What would you do if I was there with you?”
“Dunno,” you start, “take you to the bathroom maybe. Go down on you until you cum.”
At this point the cashier has put it all together. She recognizes you, and is unsure whether to be shocked or disgusted or what, so she just hands you your receipt as you shoot your near-award-winning smile back at her and gather your things.
Miyeon laughs. “Has anyone ever told you you’re horrendous at phone sex?”
“I’ve never had phone sex,” you tell her, “seems like a waste of time when you could be instead, you know–”
“Okay,” she interrupts you, “first off, it’s like the first rule in the geneva convention of phone sex: you’re supposed to ask me what I’m wearing. And just for your information, I’m wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt.”
“What color?”
“Yikes. So bad at this; you’re supposed to tell me to start taking it off. It’s a gray shirt, the pants are blue. What are you wearing?”
“A pair of khakis. And a sweater.” “Great. Take them off, slowly.” “Miyeon, I’m in the middle of a parking lot.”
“Okay prude, then you tell me what to do.”
You end up listening to Miyeon from the front seat of your car for almost half the hour. There’s a wistful hum from the other end of the phone every time you tell her what to do with her hand, walk her through every area of her body you want her to touch and how. You let her know about the finger you’re tracing over your own pants and she can’t help but let a soft noise out at the thought of it.
“If you invited me over for dinner right now,” she says after she cums, slightly out of breath, “I wouldn’t say no.”
You stifle a laugh. It’s folklore at this point, but there’s wisdom in it surely, so you’ll lean into that old rite of passage and play hard to get. Love is all about the complications, all the ways it can go wrong: endless rules and customs to observe, obstacles you’re determined to put in the way.
“Oh princess,” you start, knowing exactly how it’ll land in her ear, what it’ll do to her. “I’ll see you on Friday.”
-
The press event itself is simple and straightforward. There’s only ever going to be a singular moment during a movie’s production where no one in the cast wants to murder someone else and it’s in that brief period of time before filming starts. So grab onto that by the horns and show the media what a fun time this is all going to be. Go team, go. 
It’s the same series of questions as always: how did this cast come together, what do you think of the scripts, how is this going to be a challenge for you, what are you looking forward to, etc.
You’ve been through this song and dance enough times now to keep your answers evasive and beguiling, because at the end of the day, it’s the most productive way to do anything in this industry. It’s routine. It’s practiced. But the thing you notice almost right away, is just how infatuated the press is with the girl at the end of the table, how they heel almost immediately to her every gesture, the way Miyeon answers questions all with the confidence of someone’s who’s been at it for ages, but with the doe-eyed blinking naivety of a starlet ready to bare it all. You have to consider that part of the reason the media ends up so hot on Miyeon’s trail is all that god-given wit and charisma and charm. She’ll make fun of herself and her group mates and her co-stars and the staff, and she’ll tease the press and give them shit in a way that makes you feel as though there’s this cool, gorgeous, very important girl who’s noticing you and liking you enough to give you shit. Then sometimes she’ll wink for no reason at all, or she’ll get that flip of her hair over her shoulder just right that you think to yourself: wow, that’s an idol.
It doesn't mean a whole lot to you now, though you’ll be wringing your wrists about it later, but the takeaway here is this: Miyeon is universally loved. Full stop.
Please root for me, she says, again and again. All the stuff she’s supposed to say. I’ll do my best to make everyone happy. And she looks down the table, right at you, when she says: “My co-stars are all so wonderful and I’m so lucky to have them here with me, I’ll go ahead and thank them in advance for taking such good care of me.”
-
The press release is worth nothing to anyone with only the opinions of a bunch of attractive people paid to be on television. What it needs is photos. Specifically the ones where Miyeon hangs off your arm like you two are just a little bit more than meets the eye.
Sex sells. Suggestion is priceless.
So you’re standing there, grinning, wide and open, practiced and sure, toward the army of photographers. You look good. You know you look good. You’d know you look good even if Soyeon hadn’t crossed paths with you behind the stage just a few minutes ago and said, “wow, you look hot,” and “if I was any bit straight, I’d bang you right here.” Though it definitely helped. The exact shade of charcoal on your suit jacket is engineered to make your skin glow, and your hair is coiffed just right so that it sits effortless. You didn’t grow up imagining you’d have hairdressers or a stylist or for god sakes ever be wearing tailor-fit suits that cost someone else a fortune, but that’s how this all works. A rag-tag militia dedicated to making it look both like you’d just rolled out of bed and that’s only how things were ever meant to be—it’s your whole deal, all with the comprehensive appeal of a mischievous smile. The first flash, and you can feel your whole soul dilate in response. Hey! Look over here for me. Click. Click. Click. Raise your chin—hands at your sides—hold that for me—perfect. Click. Click. Click. It’s calming in a way. All the piercing lights, the clattering of camera shutters. The feeling that never grows stale is seeped in the familiarity of it all; your roots are here. It’s home. And there’s something unique about the blur of lights, something hard to put your finger on exactly, that it feels like the perfect backdrop to just zone out in. And the fact that you can’t really hear those anxious, gnawing thoughts in your head over all the shouting, the chattering, the commotion—boy, that feels good too. Though what you can hear is all the cameras turn, in unison. Something like a premonition.
It’s not the first time you’ve seen Cho Miyeon. You know how she looks in and out of her underwear, the way her blonde hair sits on her porcelain shoulders, how she’s all curves and pointed angles in the right places; you’ve seen her up close. Hell, she’d already taken your breath away, which in some regards is completely unfair, now considering that you haven’t any more breath to give. 
She doesn’t care; she’ll leave you asphyxiated, with a smile. Perfectly. It makes it feel like every smile you’ve seen before are just failed attempts. Like this is the real deal. Click. Click. Click.
The thing that has you lost for words is that it’s hard to know where exactly to start. Not only is Miyeon drop dead gorgeous, but here she is, pretending that she’s finding all that out for the very first time, blush burning across her cheeks like she’s not used to the attention. Her hair is pinned up, delicately placed into a perfect bun, wispy blonde strands falling aside her ears. And a pair of long, dangling earrings reflect the camera flashes aimed in her direction, scattering the light in every which way. Then it’s the fucking dress: it’s skintight, champagne, which is a good color on anyone, spectacular on her. You can’t let your eyes dip down all the way through the plunging neckline or you’d be staring at her midriff and thinking just how badly you want to undo the whole thing; pull gently on the tie at the back and let it all slump to the floor; get on top of her and have her cursing. Make her hot and flustered and moaning your name until you shoot a hot load all over that fucking tummy. Jesus. Fuck.
“Hey stranger,” she says, with restrained delivery, still smiling at the wall of flashing lights as she hooks her hand under your elbow.
“You’re late.” Maybe—just maybe—if you can somehow manage to find anything to be at fault, you can keep your thoughts as innocent as her doe-eyed countenance. She tilts her head, pulls back her soft, sweeping hair over one shoulder, and when she gets her eyes on you… god, it’s a tall order.
“Do you have any idea?” she asks, starting in half sentences because there’s not a lot of time between poses. Everyone’s looking at her, looking at the combined-unit, the you-and-her, and demanding more. “Just how hard it is to slip into something like this? I swear to god, I think I’m still holding that first breath.”
“Hey,” you whisper, clasping your fingers together. “You look great.”
“Of course I do.” Her other hand is at your waist, gentle and misleading, much like the rest of her. “Just about any girl would look good next to you.”
Falling is just not the correct term, to be precise. Too clumsy. Hardly does what’s going on here any justice. This is a meticulous process wherein Miyeon delicately binds and traps your heart into love—maybe even the platonic ideal of the femme fatale, and you’ll take twenty, thirty paces into quicksand before you realize you’re trapped, waist deep, unable to move, totally and proper fucked.
“Here,” she says, tugging gently on your arm until you’re hunched over slightly, ear sitting perfectly at her lips where they begin to part, whispering: “This will drive them crazy. Just this little private conversation. They’ll be guessing what I’m telling you here, right now, for weeks.”
You laugh as you watch everyone with a camera scoot to the edge of their seats, expecting something unexpected. On the off chance they’ll get lucky and catch the shape of that murmur out your mouth: “And what exactly is it that you’re telling me here?” “I’m curious,” she starts, “how bad do you think I want you right now?”
Oh. You register your whole body shifting its weight onto the other foot. Twice, the muscles in your legs tensing when she wets her lips with her tongue. A problem, maybe. Your eyes dart about because you’re in front of all these witnesses, and the instinctual urge from somewhere deep and unruly in your head amounts to something like a death wish: to get your hands on her in public, to throw caution to the wind and let her have access to you under all this scrutiny. It’s automatic; you’re leaning back on old habits; humor’s never failed a face like yours. “What, like on a scale of one to ten?”
She leans back, takes both your hands in hers and just grins. “I heard there’s sort of an afterparty later. You going?”
You swallow, collect yourself. “I am.”
“Yeah?” Miyeon’s lip pulls up at the corner, smirk cocked, ready to fire, and her eyes are sparkling, literally; every flash of a camera fills her dark irises with a sharp glister of gold. It’s actually kind of mesmerizing. “Me too.”
“Maybe I'll see you there,” you tell her, leading her to the stage exit.
“Hm, maybe,” she says, and she rubs a few circles into the back of your knuckles. “Though it’d be a sure thing if we go together, wouldn’t it?”
-
Truth be told, you never make it to the afterparty. You get sidetracked. You get distracted.
“Feels so good, oh my god.” Miyeon’s jaw clenches, teeth together so tight you can feel her body tense up. “So deep, so good, so, fuck—”
What Miyeon is ultimately trying to do in the backseat of your car is ride you hard and fast to the point where she’s mixing up her words, gasping for air, and blathering filth and obscenity from her pretty lips. Until her legs lock up and her eyes shut tight before cumming all over your waist. So yeah, the charcoal slacks end up being a little fortuitous.
She bucks into you hard, holding her weight with two hands on your chest, though she can’t bounce up and down on your cock like she’d much prefer. The way her clit rubs against you as she ruts into your hips like a wild animal feels awesome, even better for her, you reckon, but that’s no substitute for the heavensent sensation she gets running down her spine when you fill her starved cunt repeatedly with long, deep strokes. It’s cramped and awkward and your knees and elbows knock and scrape and she’s taking that frustration out on you. As best she can without hitting her head on the ceiling of the car.
You can certainly appreciate the irony of it. Because you’ve got the poster girl for a disney princess in a state of half-dress (half-undress? under duress? it’s not entirely clear), the champagne hem of that dignified gown bunched up around her hips, furling in supplication, and she’s fucking you in pretty much the least elegant fashion possible.
“God dammit,” she spits out before sinking her teeth into her lower lip, as you offer to help her grind on top of you with two handprints sunk firm into the round of her tight little ass.
It’s clumsy and uncouth, though still, riding you amounts to a religious experience for Miyeon, given the way her cunt is quivering, torrentially wet, and so, so, so hot. Clenching on you in something like worship, in adoration. She should probably be more embarrassed about some of the noises she’s making. They’re high-pitched, whining, desperate even. You can’t quite hear what she’s saying—not over the hollow echo of your sex through the small cabin of the car—but there are only so many iterations of, oh my god, please, fuck, faster, harder, need it, right there, faster, I, ah, ohmygod.
“Baby,” you whisper, wrapping an arm around Miyeon's waist and sinking you both further into the seat. “Fuck, I cannot believe this pussy; you’re so tight, fuck—”
She’s still smiling, though it’s absolutely devilish. Maybe that’s the praise she lives for. Everyone’s already telling her she’s gorgeous, that she’s talented, that she's beautiful inside and out, but she just simply can’t get enough of it: how you’ll slap her ass so hard she yelps and growl against her throat, cum in her cunt and tell her she’s perfect.“Want your cum, baby,” she murmurs, cheeks aflame, lips again parting open, “I want to watch you cum in me.”
“Miyeon,” you groan, “such a good fucking girl for me,” and she just nods, like a fantasy come to life.
She lifts herself up again. Comes crashing down. Good fucking god. Every little roll of her hips is a touch more agonizing than the last; she feels so fucking incredible around you that it all betokens danger. You’re buried so deep inside her that if let go of the breath you’re holding you would drown in the heat of her cunt, the velvety touch of her skin, the fact that she smells fucking amazing—all worked up and starting to sweat.
“Can you?” she asks, propping up the tall heel of her shoe onto the seat and trying to ride up and down your shaft just a bit faster, a little harder. You pull at her dress again, twisting it in your hand until you can see where your cock disappears between the creases of her thighs and into the warm embrace of her cunt. She’s fucking you reckless and sucking sharp gasps of air past her teeth, asking, “do you think you can cum like this?”
“You want me to finish in your pussy that bad, Miyeon?” you ask, shifting slightly in the space beneath her. “Want it so much, want to feel it,” she starts to pant, words disappearing in wet exhalation every time her thighs come spilling onto yours. “Want to feel your cock throb in my pussy, want to feel you fill me up.”
Even accounting for the fact that she’s so small on top of you and even easier to manipulate with nothing more than the firm grasp you have on her waist, it’s a whole ordeal to maneuver about the cramped backseat. Especially considering Miyeon would rather die than feel your cock leave her cunt. She lets out a needy whine, like you’ve done her some sort of injustice, when you find a hand under her shoulder and start to move. “Please…” she groans, grabbing desperately at the collar of your shirt. Searching hard for the unrealized potential of the tie around your neck.
You twist and turn, slide and shimmy until you’ve got Miyeon’s arms pinned behind her back, wrists trapped in your fingers and her svelte frame arching into you. It’s a little precarious, and it takes a few tries to find any sort of rhythm—holding her in place and gliding up into where she’s soaked and aching—but the moment you start slipping your cock up into her cunt, it dawns on you: you can absolutely cum like this. She’s so mind-numbingly tight, so hot, so easy to use; it’s not a challenge. Not in the slightest.
“Oh my god.” She cuts off those incredible noises, breath hitching in her throat. She doesn’t have an inkling of how to react; there’s no way around it. Not when you’re fucking her—truly fucking her—within an inch of her life and pulling her small body down onto your cock harder, faster, faster. Again, again.
Miyeon’s hair is the first thing begging to be ruined. Delicately fixed and pristinely manicured. Gentle waves tumbling over her shoulder as you trace your fingers up the curve of her spine, knead at the back of her neck, and thread into a handful of those ash-blonde locks. 
“Fuck.” Her whole body melts into you, and her voice is seeped in lust and need and want: “right there, right there, right there—”
Your fingers tighten in her hair, grip, pull. 
“Feel good?” you whisper into her neck, all this soft pale skin begging for a press of your lips.
“It feels—I, fuck.” Miyeon just stutters, eyes watering and chest heaving through all these incoherent breaths as you drive her to silence. Fuck her to submission.
“Princess,” you start, bringing your other hand up to her cheek. It’s the small details that truly send her: the thumb wiping away at the small tears on her long lashes, how you tuck a few misplaced wisps of golden hair behind her ear, dominance soft and doting—it’s not just the fact that you’ll pull her apart; it’s that you’re the one putting her back together. That’ll never be a secret she keeps from you, you figure, because she’s reduced to a whimpering, shuddering mess when you take her lips softly in yours. A chaste, gentle, unscripted kiss. Unbecoming of the reality that has you currently fucking raw and senseless into her creaming cunt.
“Tell me what you want, Miyeon.”
Sure, you’ve got in your hands the script of sin and innocence, and you’ll settle into an assigned part, a role to play. Though to be truthful, you just simply can’t help yourself. She’s delightful. The whispers out your mouth sink once more against her skin, sweaty and red and hot to the touch. She whines like your words cut right to the bone, lethal. Your hips come up, hilting deep in her cunt, and it’s enough to shake an earring loose and into the depths between the seats; you’ll spend a literal lifetime looking for it later. Her breath hitches, regressing to huffs and sharp draws of air when you drag your cock just along the right spot, apparently.
“Please, please, please,” she begs finally, sputtering with the waning energy of air escaping a balloon.
“I want to know what you need from me,” you tell her, letting your voice come out in such tantalizing fashion that it’s the kind of thing that could coerce the truth out of anyone.
“You,” she rasps, “all of you.”
How quick she turns to putty, muscles softening and tensing all at once. And you’re generously allowing her to take more, capitulating to her pleas of right there and harder please, pushing in as deep as you’ll go. You soothe her when she shudders and quakes—just a broad hand at her back—helping her adjust to you.
“Shit, Miyeon, you look perfect like this,” you mutter, watching the small tears that come from the corners of her hooded eyes. “Can’t get over how gorgeous you look taking me.”
Those small hums and moans leaving through closed lips are all she can muster. She clutches ahold of you even tighter, feeling the sharp bloom of everything trickle closer and closer like a dam about to break.
“Is that what you like to hear, princess?” you ask, fucking her right through her own orgasm and realizing it’s hopeless; you’re going to fall in love again and again with that pink stain in her cheeks. “Do you want to be my cumslut? Let me use your pussy whenever I want. You’re so tight and wet for me, Miyeon. You want my cock all the time, don’t you?” 
Some of it—maybe all of it—hits hard. She starts to shake. You’re fucking her cunt, steady and resolute, even as she fucking collapses, and her lips part like she’s going to wail, though never makes a sound.
“Words,” you order, breathless. “Oh…” It’s slow at first, that steady stream of fuck and please spilling out of her—curses flowing as easily as the air she breathes. You’ve got her at your complete control, a seeming extension of your will, and she presses her forehead to yours, gasping, “want to feel you fucking cum in me. Please do it, do it, I need to feel you, I want your fucking cum in me so bad. Please, please, please fucking make me yours. Do it, need you to use this little pussy and cum.”
You’re deep inside Miyeon, clutching hard around her waist and pulling down on it as you vault over the proverbial edge. Breathing heavy into her chest as you fuck all this hot cum into her cunt. She keeps rolling her hips, slowly, as if by instinct, to ride everything out of you, until you’re yanked back to the here and now.
“Oh my god,” she coos. Because it’d be impossible to not notice, leaking out of her and onto her thighs. 
“Miyeon.” The next sound that comes out of you is near indescribable: gravelly and plucked from deep in your throat. 
“So, so much for me,” she adds with a hint of exultation, running her fingers through your hair. 
Some part of you expected her to perhaps be more resilient, put up some semblence of a fight, but this is Miyeon, you realize—the roughness in your voice, the gentle touch of your fingers, the severity of an open palm, your lips at her throat—she loves it. Her hands are soon again cupping at your face, tongue reaching into your mouth. And she shudders at the way your cock slides out of her pussy.
“Messy,” you murmur into her kiss, quietly, and you hear her swallow when you skate your finger over her hips and down her stomach, tracing gently at the place you were pressed together, thoroughly covered in your cum, her slick.
“Uh.” Miyeon makes a face. Wrinkles her nose. “Gross.”
“Oh please,” you say as she cuddles up to you as far as the backseat of your car will allow. “You know you love it.”
-
Here’s the thing you fail to realize about a girl like her, a girl like Miyeon:
She’s more than just the physical, than the sum of her parts. She’s a feeling.
Oh, there’s plenty about the ways you touch her, the way her hand fits into yours, her hair running silky smooth between your fingers—how you can leave bruises on her thighs and marks on her neck, or reduce her to a whimpering mess with nothing but a firm grip. She laughs and it’s something that moves you to your core. She’s easy to admire from afar. And even easier up close, where you can appreciate the mastery in those brushstrokes.
But pay attention to how your blood drains from your cheeks, how the world stutters on its axis when you look at her. Because you can’t help but feel like you’re living life the way it’s portrayed in fiction when you do. Like you’re slipping into a world where no matter how insurmountable the odds, the good guy always wins.
-
“It’s all bullshit, that’s what it is,” someone is telling you with an almost unsettling confidence, even though their voice is shaky and ever-so-slurred with drink.
You’re sitting there, slightly listless, on one of the stools at a four-top, busy zoning out at the neon smirnoff sign behind the bartender like it might move if you look away for even a second. Your fingers are tapping on the table, and the fact that you can’t taste the kick in your heavily doctored gin and tonic means you’re already drunk. Probably. You’ll have to thank Miyeon later.
“Hey,” the someone starts again, “are you even listening to me?” It’s a little deep, raspy, but it sounds like it belongs to a girl.
No, you think.
“Sorry,” you say after blinking a few times and pulling yourself away from the sign. The girl sitting next to you frowns. “Have we met?”
“Yuqi,” Miyeon says, handing her a beer and setting her own drink down on the table. It’s pink and full of ice and in a ridiculous looking piece of glassware.
It goes without saying that you couldn’t show up to the main event—late, attached at the hip, and with Miyeon’s hair all disheveled and half-repaired like you two were fucking in secrecy—so Miyeon pitches the idea to you while you’re in the middle of wiping cum off your pants with napkins from the glove compartment: If you’re interested, there’s a bar nearby. My friends are there, it’s quiet but it’s nothing too pretentious.
“And you met Sana earlier,” Miyeon adds, lifting her chin in the direction toward the girl buried in her phone, tapping away furiously at a series of text messages—the way she hasn’t looked up in minutes and how her drink is nearly untouched implies some sort of drama. 
It’s kinda weird—you’re realizing you might have a type: they’re all some sort of blonde. Shockingly easy to look at too. With bodies that could fill a nighttime of fantasy, and supposedly somehow they’re best friends? Look, you’ve never seen two pretty best friends; it grinds against cosmic law, ain’t one of them supposed to be not so pretty? (Though maybe the rules are different when you land on odd numbers? If it isn’t all a little perplexing.)
“Know each other from work,” Miyeon explains, holding her hair back from her face and barely touching her lips to the rim of her glass.
“Uh.” Yuqi pops the top of the bottle off against the side of the table. “And we live together.” “Roommates?” you ask, carefully trying to keep your tone from sounding judgemental, and Miyeon gives you a solemn nod. There’ll be time to pry later.
“Look,” Sana says, only after finally putting her phone face down in front of her. There’s a story there. Maybe you’ll hear the end of it. “I’m not saying I’m proud of this attitude, okay, but that’s the truth: I make judgments based on what drink people order.” 
She fixes her eyes on you, and god, she’s gorgeous. It’s a different kind of beauty, a lot less subtle, way more in your face, and she knows she can get away with it. (Though it’s the patented hundred-megawatt smile of hers that’ll stick with you.)
“Like if you were drinking a cosmo or whatever the hell it is Miyeon’s got—”
“What?” Yuqi scoffs, and her eyebrow turns when she sees Miyeon wrap her arm around yours. “And just like that he’s not sexy or sophisticated, smart or virile? Is that it?” “I suppose…” Sana twists her lip between her teeth. “Maybe it’s context?”
“No, that makes sense,” you say, and you dab at a ring of condensation on the table with a bar napkin. “Like I wouldn’t hesitate to take a cosmo if I was stranded in an airport in February and the planes are getting de-iced and the pilots are deciding whether to take off or go home.”
“I’d order a double,” Miyeon says, and you swear she’s closer to you each time you check.
“So then tell us, what’s the quintessential manly drink then?” Yuqi asks, skeptical, and a little disappointed to even be entertaining the question. “If pink cosmos are on one end of the spectrum…” “Dunno.” Sana crosses her legs, and rubs at her chin. “I suppose anything that comes in one of those squat, burly glasses.”
“The kind that real men hurl across the bar at another man’s head,” you deadpan.
“Oh my god.” Sana springs forward in her seat, and her gaze pins you to where you’re sitting. “You get it. Do I know you from somewhere? I swear you’ve got a face that’s familiar.” “Maybe I just got one of those faces,” you tell her, and Miyeon squeezes her fingers gently around your knee. 
“Maybe.” Sana tilts her head, letting out a mostly unentertained chuckle, dry and humorless. You can see the gears slowly churning in her head.
Yuqi’s got her bottle turned up nearly perpendicular to the ceiling, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand—it’s all oddly charming—and she just lets out a wistful sigh. “Someone should make a movie, an old western maybe, where someone flings an oversized martini glass. You could start a movement.”
You’re not really thinking about anything in particular when the conversation ebbs and flows, except that you’re content; buzzed with the bitters in your drink; and the ephemeral touches of the hand in your lap, gentle, curious, teasing. There’s something laid back about being in Miyeon’s company that draws you in, something effortless, like the world seems less maliciously unfriendly, even if she ends up managing to embarrass you in a game of billiards. She finds the table at the end of the bar and readies a flip comment while rubbing chalk into the end of a pool cue. You watch as it leaves white streaks all over her chic dress, and you’re kind of enamored by the fact she doesn’t seem to care. “You’re sure you’ve played before?” she ribs, pulling a hairpin from her clutch, and clipping it to the hair at one temple to keep it from interfering with her game.
“Aren’t you a wealth of talents,” you say, in admiration.
“Do you mean, appearances can be deceiving?” she asks while sizing up a shot, grins—a smile that suggests mischief, which is normal, except that this one invites you to be part of it. “I think you might be putting words in my mouth.” 
“Oh,” she says, and with her lovely, slender, fingers pressing onto the green baize, she sockets three shots in a row. Misses on the fourth. “So now you don’t like me putting things in your mouth, is that it?”
“Hm,” you say, ignoring the obvious bait and lining up a shot. “This is going to be a weird question.”
Miyeon drops her arm and tilts her head quizzically. 
“What do you think of the script?” 
“The one that has us heartbroken and lost and wandering until we rediscover love is right where we left it?” 
“That’s the one.”
Miyeon covers her mouth to laugh when you take your shot and it misses in such grand fashion that you can’t help but hang your head. “It’s the dress shirt,” she says to comfort you.
“I’ll take what pity I can get.”
You’re watching Miyeon in action—hair carefully swept back, earrings sparkling, and heels set firmly on the floor—all together rather enchanting. She makes several more shots, aimed with perfect precision and seriousness, before finally answering you: “dunno, seems a little psychotic.”
“I mean that’s the thing about romance,” you begin, “there’d be no story if the writers weren’t at least a little psychotic.”
“Oh by the way.” Yuqi’s voice booms at that moment, with all the subtlety of a bulldozer: “I’ve gotta take Sana home. She’s late to getting plowed by her new manager. I’ll catch you later.”
“That isn’t—” Sana huffs, pinches at the bridge of her nose, and stops herself short, before reapproaching it in a more bracing way. “I’m telling you he gets all worked up whenever I’m out drinking this late.” 
“Worked up, huh?” Yuqi grins at a parody of a smile, and turns to you, laughing. “That’s how she likes him.”
“Yuqi,” Sana groans.
Miyeon rests her cue up on the table and crosses her arms, smirking in your direction. “Life imitates art, right?
-
“You’ve got a girl here, don’t you?” Minnie asks, at nine in the morning and standing in your living room. It reminds you of the fact that you have a meeting on your calendar on today’s date between you and your agency’s lawyer at nine in the morning.
She's not some expert sleuth. At least, not as far as you're aware. It could be one of any number of things that tips her off: Miyeon’s heels are in your foyer, her champagne dress folded neatly over the back of your couch, or maybe it’s the pair of underwear that landed perfectly on the corner of your television. What it is not, however, is the reddening outline of Miyeon’s lips on your Adam's apple; you’re doing a pretty good job of coyly covering that up with your palm.
“I mean yeah, I suppose you could say that.”
“I don’t know if you could’ve answered that more ominously.” Minnie laughs, shuffling past where you stand in the door frame and setting her bag down on your kitchen island, surveying the mess in your apartment. She stands before you, wearing all black and looking down her nose at you.
(She’d pretty much cornered the market on wearing all black and looking down her nose at you, and you always take a moment to marvel that anyone could live on the earth only twenty-some odd years and manage to wear all black and look down their nose at you with such timeless self-assurance.)
“If you need her to sign an NDA, I’ll have to swing back by the office to pick up the proper paperwork.” “I don’t need her to sign an NDA,” you say, turning on water from the faucet and filling a kettle. The hand you have running through your hair helps you remember that you are still very poorly put together: a mess of bedhead, t-shirt, underwear, and only a singular sock to your name. Not that it matters, you suppose. Minnie’s seen you worse.
“Wow. Things must be getting serious, huh.” Minnie drums her fingers on the counter. “Well whatever it is, I’ve got stuff for you to sign.”
“I thought we walked through all the contract boilerplate already.” “We did.” “And?” “Contracts change.” The pen she has in her fingers, scanning over a stack of papers, is poised. Her slow nod studious, blandly puzzled. “That’s why you need me.”
“Now if that isn’t an unfortunate truth,” you say, and Minnie raises an eyebrow. “Good change or bad change?”
“Depends. Have you met Cho Miyeon, the other lead? She’s cute, blonde.” Minnie hovers her hand an inch in front of her nose. “About yea high.” 
“A few times,” you answer, sorta truthfully.
Minnie tilts her head, and licks her thumb to flip through the first couple pages in the stack. “Well, the producers want you two to be seen. Together. Somewhere high profile and suggestive.”
“Okay.” You’re pouring hot water from the kettle over coffee grounds and a filter when you realize you have no idea what that’s about. You voice as much: “I have no idea what that means.”
“Well, here’s the general thought: they figure they can get some free marketing, brush up a little media buzz, get people talking about this movie if some paps snap some pictures of you two where it looks like you’re—”
“Where it looks like we’re dating. Okay, sure, wonderful.”
“Your words, not mine—or the producers, legally.” You fall silent, thinking: there’s no such thing as fairytales, it was bound to happen, a trip up, a snag, a snare. You know, in essence, it’s trouble.
“Um.” Your shoulders drop. “The producers want a scandal, Minnie.” “Again, I’m not legally allowed to call it that.” She shakes her head, before putting something down on a lined memo pad with great industry. “And if that’s your assessment, you came to it all on your own with no help from me.”
But yes, she mouths to you silently. You got it, aren’t you clever, now play along.
“Does this not feel like shaking a hornet’s nest?” you ask her. “Surely there’s a better way to go about receiving death threats; she’s a damn idol.”
“She certainly is,” Minnie says, passing you the pen and giving you her practiced professional-but-still-definitely-sardonic-smile that always manages to emote, please don’t be difficult. If she’s hoping it inspires confidence, it does not. “Sign the new contract.”
You’ve got plenty of reasons to have reservations, but here’s a fun fact not a lot of people know: there’s a part of you perfectly content shutting up and doing what you’re told. Maybe it’s something about pretty girls with dark eyes, long legs and a curl in their lip that upstages anything like subtlety—an Achilles heel of sorts. Except instead of your mother forgetting to bathe your feet in the river styx, you’ve just got some mother issues in general.
“There,” Minnie says, watching you initial on the dotted line. “Was that so hard? Someday, you’ll look back and think, yeah, that’s where it all goes to shit.
-
Three weeks into filming, you make good on your promise.
It would have been neater, perhaps, if all the sneaking around and impropriety caught up with you and used this moment as a catalyst: if, filled with embarrassment, you owned up to everything that was going on between you. Might’ve saved you some hurt.
You watch Miyeon’s hand shoot up to her mouth only to find whimpers leaking out from beneath her palm.
What if all those cameras had instead gotten pictures of you and Miyeon here, in the restroom of a cafe that Miyeon swore up and down would be crawling with paparazzi—where Miyeon had dragged you by the wrist halfway through a bottle of dry chardonnay, locked the door behind her, and flicked the skirt of a her floral dress up over her hips. Imagine the way it would look: you on your knees, face buried between Miyeon’s legs— 
“I swear… your fucking mouth,” Miyeon murmurs, fingers running through your hair. 
—all you know is that it would have been a different kind of disaster.
“Oh,” she moans, and you swallow heavily at the sight of her above you, following the movement in her face: every wince, every flinch, pleasure absolute and wringing her dry. She’s pretty as always, eyes dark and twinkling under the cool fluorescent lights. It’s that damn blush again, and you’re convinced eating Miyeon out feels like the most normal thing in the universe, like you’ve done it a million times before, and you’ll do it a million times more. Just listen to how Miyeon’s breath stutters when you lap softly at the heat between her lips, lifting her hood and swirling her clit once, twice, before bringing the narrow point of your tongue back to the shallow depth of her aching entrance. She shudders at all how you tease her, slick pooling in your mouth, down your chin; a pinched off moan filling the bathroom when you add another finger inside her. 
“Yes, yes, yes,” she says, gasping out on top of an embarrassed little sigh each time time she bucks against the touch of your hand. You spread her lips, get your tongue flatter, deeper, and she drops her shoulders, laughing in that high-pitched skittery way she does when she’s struggling not to cum all over you with her eyes clenched shut.
It’s a sight to behold: Miyeon twisting her brows and biting into her lower lip—chewing off all the lip-gloss you know she just put on because you watched her make a show of it at the table like it was the most delicate thing in the world. She looks soft, docile even, and hums out a wistful note when you squeeze your hand into her thigh. Swallows back a moan when you reach up and knead at her chest. Yeah, she is soft. Tender and malleable and perfect. How easily you keep her pinned in place with just a flex of your wrist.
“Now would you look at that, princess,” slips out of you, totally carefree, lifting your lips from her pussy and wiping the wet from your chin. She sways slightly, and you’re leaning into her space, voice nearly coming out breathy and flooded as hers, asking, “You’re so wet, Miyeon. How do you want me to make you cum? On my fingers?”
Miyeon just sighs, lust and need glittering in her eyes. If there’s anything you’ve picked up from all of this so far, from all the raunchy sex, every manner in which she’s puddled in your grip, all the times she’s begged for you to hold her down and rail her—more than anything else, Miyeon loves, loves, loves to be teased. 
But it’s the way her smile stretches, just perfectly, or even just one glance from those doleful eyes—fuck, goddamnit, one day I am really going to fucking die written into the shy curve of her lips—you’re never quite that cruel. Her panties are dropped to the floor and hanging around her ankle, soaked, ruined, but that doesn’t mean she needs to be too; you bring your lips back to her pussy. Fingertips curling up against that spot that drives her up the wall and your tongue running laps around her swollen clit.
“Oh, like that,” Miyeon whines, barely able to make any noises louder than a whimper, “just like that, please, yes, like that—”
And then you catch the aching swell of her clit between your lips. Slowly, start to suck.
“God,” she breathes out, still writhing from the fingers you have inside her, your thumb rubbing against wet, slippery skin, right how you’ve learned she likes it. And she gasps, head rolled back, brows furrowed up: “Oh, yes, oh God, you — you’re perfect. It’s — ”
That really never gets old.
Everything stills for a moment. Everything besides your fingers fucking her quietly while her orgasm quakes through her. She’s catching her breath, staring at you—skin dewy with sweat and chest heaving. Her warmth wraps around you, surrounds you, and you’d be content to stay like this forever, pressing kisses into her stomach and never, ever letting go.
That is until she looks at you, lashes fluttering, as if she’s trying to gauge your emotions. Until she speaks. “I want it,” she gasps, breath steadying, “I want your cock.”
She knows you, right down to the basics: you can never deny her anything.
-
(You’re being cautious—covering your tracks, you convince yourself—but then there’s all this evidence to the contrary, no shortage of close calls, times where you’re so nearly caught: Miyeon’s lithe, tight body grinding desperately against yours in a costume closet or her dressing room or in the backseat of your car; the way she keens when you slip your fingers inside her, how she wails in delight when you really fuck her in earnest; you cutting off those unabashed moans with your mouth or your hand or even just two fingers shoved between her lips so she might have something to bite down on.
It’s this whole thing, the sneaking around, the indiscretion—Miyeon loves it. And the danger of it all become something like a siren’s call, you are just as attracted to the idea too, that you’re masking who you are in the dark, just past drawn curtains and under fitted sheets.
“Wow, I never noticed, but you guys are, like, weirdly close,” Soyeon says once, sometime near the beginning, and perhaps when you’d begun to stare a little too obviously as Miyeon was tying her hair back. It has you both laughing off the observation as something trivial, like Soyeon was the odd one out for noticing anything at all. But fast forward a few hours, and you’re sprawled out on a set of hotel linens, having a laugh again all while Miyeon fucks herself on your hard cock, delighted at how easy it is to conceal everything in plain sight.)
-
“Um,” Yuqi says, walking into the living room of Miyeon’s apartment with her laptop precariously perched on her forearm.
You’re out there on a Wednesday, hanging out, kissing Miyeon every now and again, but talking mostly. The rationalization is that you’re practicing and memorizing lines, ironing out kinks that aren’t really there. Which is all how you know things are getting out of control, if not among the other hints: Miyeon’s added a spare toothbrush in the cup on your bathroom vanity, a pile of women’s laundry atop your washing machine that never grows any smaller, beauty products under the sink, and there’s all those damn bobby pins that show up in every corner of your apartment. “It’s just casual”, you overhear her say once, on the phone with Sana, and you do your best to never, ever think about it.
“You idiots, you’re trending.” Yuqi sits down on the sofa next to you, not at all disconcerted that you’ve got your hand in the ends of Miyeon’s hair or that she’s practically sitting in your lap. You learn pretty quick that Yuqi feels like she belongs anywhere. In some ways, that’s her charm. “And?” Miyeon asks, dismissive.
“Are you both insane?” Yuqi turns her laptop around so you can read her feed.
There’s a series of pictures on the screen attached to a headline that starts with breaking in bold capital letters, like its only true purpose is to fuck up the internet. Your eyes start on Miyeon first, the tilt of her chin, her fingers floating across her collarbones, smile radiant—looking at you the way she always does when she’s mentally undressing you. Fortunately, she’s still perfectly made up, hair tied up above her shoulders and the mascara under her eyes not quite yet running; this photo is before you made a mess of all that, gotten her moaning your name in the restroom. You’ve got your hand at the back of your neck, and you’re laughing. The glint in your eye screams complicity. 
Miyeon says emptily, “you’re overreacting.” 
Yuqi’s frown deepens fractionally, but you’re putting the pieces together. It’s pretty unhinged.
 “Christ,” you start, “get a look at some of these retweets: I’m just thinking of what those kids would look like, the genetic payout; fuuuuuuck I need to see that sextape.” You laugh. “Look, this one just says: sex.”
Miyeon leans forward in your lap, cheek nearly pressed against yours. “Here’s one: how much do you wanna bet Miyeon tops when they—”
Yuqi bursts out laughing, clearly almost snorts, and you both raise an eyebrow at her. “What? This girl here isn’t topping anyone.”
“Shut it.” Miyeon rubs her hand at her chin, turns her eyes up at you, and without an ounce of irony continues, “How much do you wanna bet? That these are your fans.”
Yeah, probably not, you think. “I’m sorry. Do you have any idea how my demographic skews? Not like your fans who are…” Miyeon’s face lights up. “Are delightful?” “Have a sock at home with Miyeon’s name on it?” Yuqi chimes in, grinning. “I mean if somebody wants to make a puppet of me,” Miyeon says, practically huffing out the words, “that’s not really any of your concern.”
Yuqi makes a face. You watch as she slowly twirls one of those long waves of pink hair around her finger (strawberry blonde, Miyeon called it, and you don’t know shit all about that, but it does sound pretty, so that fits, you guess). It goes all the way down to her waist, and you’ve noticed, possibly for a second or third time, that she looks killer in a pair of high cut jeans—what all with the long legs and an ass that more than plenty fills them out, she could be peddling denim on a Levi’s catalog.
“What should be your concern,” Yuqi says, “is that the internet thinks you’re getting railed on the regular.” It’s quick—blink and you’d have missed it—her eyes lingering for a moment on your expression before she lifts her chin and laughs, dryly, almost nervously to fill the silence. “What the fuck is wrong with you two?”
-
Yuqi’s expertise, first and foremost, is talking. Go ahead, take a moment to consider how wildly dangerous that is, for a girl with a face like hers and a body like that to be good at talking. Every so often you catch her staring at you with her huge, beautiful eyes, these deep pools of pure anthracite; the sort of charming that keeps you smiling and laughing without even knowing why. She’s equal parts badmash and coquettish, you realize, and somewhere in the seamlessness with which she swaps between the two is a hint that both are facades. (That there exists a third Yuqi, the one who determines which mask is appropriate for which occasion but who is otherwise veiled, obscured, entirely impossible to know.)
Whatever your theory for it, the charm, the innuendos, the suggestion, it all gets dialed up to eleven.
Yuqi suggests you stay for dinner in a way that is impossible to refuse, and Miyeon grumbles something inaudible, but you think you’re able to piece it together: this is a regular thing for them. Miyeon and you haven’t talked numbers or cleared up the bodycount, haven’t talked about anything serious at all—the most incriminating thing between you being Miyeon laying her head on your chest, cunt still full of your cum, saying, I’m really glad I met you—of all of Miyeon’s princes-in-waiting, you’d be a fool to think you were the first. And you’re willing to wager Yuqi’s done all this before.
“Hey, how do you take your whiskey?” she asks, pouring olive oil over a bowl of cherry tomatoes and chopping a sprig of fresh basil. If Miyeon wasn’t glaring at her, the quirk in Yuqi’s lip has you swearing she would’ve thrown a wink in your direction. Just for good measure.
“Neat is fine,” you tell her, and Miyeon rolls her eyes. -
It’s actually not true that Yuqi kisses you first. Not the whole truth anyway. “Hard to explain it in words, huh?” she asks, leaning into your space and nearly pushing you over the back of the sofa. Her knee is between your thighs, pressing up on your crotch in a way that feels good and threatening. She knows that’s the only thing she needs to keep you in place, so she leaves her hands at her chest, fingers toying with the top button of her shirt—ruminations of whether to unbutton it herself or wait for you to finally tear the whole thing off her.
(There’s a million different ways you could do this, but you’re perfectly content seeing how this plays out.)
“With just a few of them that is,” Miyeon says, drying her hands with a towel at the kitchen sink.
“Oh,” Yuqi starts, and her lips twist into an approximation of a smile. “You’re saying you two don’t have a label.”
“We’re coworkers technically,” you tell her, faux-casual, like it doesn’t beg twenty more questions.
“I don’t know; the internet thinks you guys are in fucking love.” Yuqi’s fingers come to a decision: slipping the button out of place with a little effort and resting at the next one down. Her neck is pale and tender and you’re only pulling away long enough from the glint in her big gorgeous eyes to know you want to get your lips on it. “And you’re telling me you wouldn’t be jealous—even a little—if I started sucking his cock.” 
She gets jealous easy, is how Yuqi explains it to you, freeing an ounce of soft cleavage, a sneak of black lace with another button. Look, it’s just chemistry—you have it with everyone. Who can fault you for it?
“Hm.” Miyeon shrugs, looking put upon, and leans back against the counter where she spends a long moment with her arms crossed, before running her thumb across her chin. “Can I mention something?” “Anything for our princess,” Yuqi says, finally touching you. Just two fingers at your sternum. “Right?” “Why is it you’re never the one bringing anyone home?”
“I’m not a slut,” Yuqi says, straight-faced, and Miyeon’s whole expression goes awry. That’s probably where she seals her fate.
Not that you think for a second Yuqi had recused herself from the attention of boys, girls—none of it in short supply—and for all her “fidelity”, you refuse to believe the things she does with her words are unintentional, that her talent for seduction is somehow innate, something god-given.
“How can you be so sure?” you ask, fingers threading through Yuqi’s hair until she tilts up her chin and smiles.
Eventually there comes a moment where Miyeon meanders around the kitchen island and gets a hold of you. Figuratively and literally; eyes hardened on you in a way you’re not sure you’ve seen before. 
Mine, is what she’s telling Yuqi in no ambiguous terms, hands hooking into the waist of your pants.  
“Tell me something,” Yuqi starts with your name on her lips, “does she beg for it? When you’re fucking her, does she whine and cry until she’s collapsed and panting? Really, I’m curious. Does she look at you with those pretty eyes and plead for you to pump her full of cum?”
“Yuqi,” Miyeon says, kind of sharply.
To be clear, you’re not totally without blame here either, seeing the opportunity as it appears, seizing it for yourself—and you say the words as you think them: “it’s kind of her thing, I guess.”
“Total cumslut, right?” Yuqi’s hands are all over your arms, your chest, and you’re spread in both directions, reaching around Miyeon’s waist, and toying at the tight fit of Yuqi’s jeans. She leans forward a little, side-eyeing the way Miyeon’s lip ever so slightly curls when she enters that anxious proximity a breath's distance away from you, whispering: “I’m nothing like that, I’m so much better.”
“You’ve got a real mouth on you,” Miyeon tells her, watching her shirt fall down her petite shoulders. “You know that?” Yuqi’s eyes are flaring hot, dripping with untoward intent, and they stay on you just long enough for her to make certain you’re paying attention before she turns to Miyeon. “I know you love this mouth.”
You realized it long before dinner, it’s true, probably long before today: Yuqi likes you, which, at present, is pretty obvious. She likes it when you smile, likes it when you rub your hand at the nape of your neck and laugh at her witty one-liners, likes it when you ruffle your hair just like you’ve done in front of the camera your whole life. Yuqi likes you just as Yuqi likes Miyeon, and she’s twisting her hand at your shirt tighter yet, hoping one of you might just kiss her. “Miyeon,” you say after an inhale, commanding tone right where you left it, and it’s comical how fast both girls heel. Isn’t that good to know. Filing it away in a mental folder of sorts, you straighten yourself onto your feet, slowly. The thing that ends up flipping the table—the thing that has Miyeon’s expression of general discontent rally to something a little more impending—is just how much taller you are than Yuqi. And when that hits her, swallow visible through the hollow of her throat, there’s a waver in that deadly expression of hers, a weakness, something you can exploit. Your hand finds purchase under Yuqi’s jaw, gently, and you tilt her face toward you like you’re about to kiss her. Only instead, you run your thumb across her lower lip and say, “I don’t blame you, her mouth is gorgeous.”
“And?” Yuqi finds her composure quickly. “What do you want this mouth to do?”
 “Oh, Yuqi,” Miyeon says, malice hidden under a voice tender and semi-sweet, before you can think to prepare an answer. She’s twisting Yuqi’s bra strap between her fingers as it comes down around her shoulder. “I want you to get me ready for his cock.”
“I,” Yuqi starts— 
“Hm?” Miyeon asks, and that’s a pitch in her voice you’ve never heard. You’re looking over both of them enigmatically, ready to walk away from this with a clear picture of who Yuqi is, obviously, but then it’s the expression on Miyeon’s face—so unbothered, so lewdly satisfied, you have to know more.
“You’re fucking crazy if you think I’m just gonna watch.” Yuqi reaches up on her toes before Miyeon can react. 
Kisses you right in front of her.
-
It’s not really clear to you who, if anyone, is piloting this thing, only that it’s moving at near out of control speeds. And even though Miyeon’s bed isn’t even quite big enough to hold you all, that ends up doing little to slow either of them down. 
Miyeon is between your legs, preening a few strands of glossy hair back behind her ear that have real determination to keep falling in front of her face. You’d offer to help, to get your hands in it and pull tight, but you’ve come upon an acquired taste for the blowjob Miyeon’s barely giving you right now. A masterwork in its own right: a certain finesse in each flick of her tongue, the soft cushion of her pouty lips, the way every gentle kiss finds you that much fucking harder in her fingers. She drags her tongue up, tastes the pre-cum weeping from your cock. Just smiles like she knows how bad you want hold her tight and fuck her throat. The glint in her doe-like eyes tells you that you will.
She gets it. Terror lives in anticipation, not the bang. That sanguine expectation of pleasure becomes pleasure in of itself. Her instincts tell her to tease, tell her to kiss and lick; only when you’re finally shuddering a wet breath through your teeth, does she part her lips around the head of your cock and start to suck.
She takes in an inch, maybe another. Slides her tongue slowly under your cock, and christ, her mouth feels fucking amazing.
You sigh like you’re stepping into a hot bath, and Miyeon’s satisfaction is equally palpable: corners of her mouth stretching around you into a pretty little smirk, something you’re more than happy to feel running up and down your cock until she slacks her jaw and takes you in full, past her soft, wet lips.
Though when finally you look up, you realize Yuqi’s barely on the bed actually—just one knee and it looks precarious—unfazed that she’s spilling off the end; working her hands into the bottom of Miyeon’s skirt like she’s done it a thousand times. She drags her underwear down her thighs, and Yuqi reminds you that she’s got the exact kind of wicked streak that’ll never let an opportunity go to waste:
“Oh,” she says, head up over Miyeon’s ass, blinking in admiration, “she’s even buying new lingerie for you, huh? I didn’t realize how head over heels—”
“Jesus Christ.” Miyeon’s lips are still half complicating themselves with your cock; she pumps her slender fingers around you in consolation, and murmurs, “do you ever fuck? Or you all tease.”
“Well if you insist,” Yuqi purrs, a mean tilt to her voice—because in the end, she knows that she wants to; that with her small body right between you, like this, there's plenty of her to share; that when it comes to Miyeon, there always is. “Hm,” she hums, slipping a finger or two inside Miyeon’s pussy. Your vision of it being the way Miyeon’s face twists delightfully, eyebrows sewn together in a perfect discord with the rest of her angelic features. “Baby, you’re so wet—”
“She loves the attention,” you say, and Miyeon’s eyes track yours while she lowers her lips slowly down your shaft once more. “If I had to guess, the only thing better than me fucking her perfect little cunt, is if there’s an audience there to watch it.” Your hand rests below Miyeon’s ear, fingers kneading at the back of her neck and guiding her just enough so that her tongue is flat and slick where you want it. “Isn’t that right, princess?”
Yuqi separates her lips from Miyeon’s asscheek, that heavy, open-mouthed kiss at the curve of creamy skin coming to an end just long enough to catch you smirking. She’s fucking the girl’s cunt open with her fingers, slowly, reminding Miyeon that she doesn’t have it confused—that she knows she’s nothing like the princess everyone believes her to be, that she’s so much more. “Always such a good slut, baby. Go on, show me how you take that cock.” “How about you come over here,” you tell Yuqi, before looking back at Miyeon’s eyes, innocent and blinking like she isn’t taking you in and out between her tightly-sealed lips. “Help me cum in her throat.” At that, you feel Miyeon’s jaw slack open even further, and the fingers she has corkscrewing around you find room at your hips instead. It’s hard to get over how perfectly submissive she can be, the way this always plays out; you’ve never needed anything like safewords, because Miyeon trusts you implicitly. Trusts that you’d never, ever hurt her. Trusts that you’ll get your hard cock in her and fuck her until her knees are wobbling and she’s practically unable to walk. Trusts that you won’t even hesitate when she asks for more. Yuqi lands a few more kisses at Miyeon’s cunt, along her ass, and then, without warning, sinks her teeth into all that soft, pliable skin. Miyeon winces, something you can feel, a sharp moan becoming sealed in against your cock and leaking slightly between her lips like it’s the drool running down your shaft. Apparently the image of you firing off a salvo of cum deep in Miyeon’s throat is as hot as it sounds, because Yuqi is grinning like a cheshire cat as she slides off the bed. “I just hope you realize you’re on the docket for quite a lot here.”
“What’s that, high expectations?”
“A lot more than a throatpie,” Yuqi says, hopping onto the bed next to where you’re sitting, where you’re slowly fucking Miyeon’s mouth. Each time you lift her face up and down the length of your cock, you feel the back of her throat, start to catalog the noises she makes as she starts to slobber onto you.
“Yeah,” you say, fisting a second hand into Miyeon’s hair. “I was kind of counting on it.”
“Go figure.” Yuqi’s voice is low and raspy, right into your junction where your shoulder meets your neck. She reaches an arm around you, leaving ephemeral kisses at your jaw, your cheek, getting her lips right next to your ear, where she whispers, “you’re actually kinda depraved.”
“Well, welcome to showbiz, I guess.” “Hm,” Yuqi says, watching you shudder as her fingers arrive around the base of your cock, fucking you with them in tandem as you sleeve yourself in out of Miyeon’s hot mouth like she’s some toy to be used, to be fucked, to be ruined.
Your mouth opens and closes, twice, before sputtering, “I’m actually—”
“One of the normal ones?” Yuqi tightens her grip. She’s picking up all that slick drool and precum where it threatens to leak onto your waist, and it makes her touch every bit as life-endingly-incredible as the tight fit of Miyeon’s mouth. The combination of which has you groaning audibly.
“Yeah, sure,” you breathe, “something like that.” 
“And a narcissist too.” Yuqi pulls at your face to unstick your gaze from the sight of your cock disappearing between Miyeon’s soft, pretty lips. You recognize the touch of her hand as it wanders down to your balls, gently, but still very much present. And right after the silence stretches, just a little too far, she says, “aren’t you two just perfect for eachother.”
Yuqi kisses you hard. These sweltering, stinging, asphyxiating kisses that grab at your lips with no intention of letting go, and everything becomes oddly quiet. All you can hear, outside of those messy, strangled sounds from Miyeon’s throat as you fuck your cock into it, is the dull pulse of blood rushing through your head. It’s as if the two of them are pleasure in resonance, channeling onto the same wavelength: Miyeon’s tongue is doing just about fucking everything each time you pull your throbbing cock out of her throat, and she slips it past her lips—starts lapping—when you weave your fingers in her hair even tighter. She gets messier, sloppier, her composure fading like it’s the mascara beneath her eyes. You can feel the flutter of her lashes against your waist right as you pull her mouth back down your shaft. It’s hot and wet and you don’t even realize you start bucking your hips, dragging Miyeon’s lips around your cock quickly, quicker, quicker—
“God,” you mutter, final threads torn apart, and that’s the exact reaction that has Yuqi smiling against your teeth, whispering into your lips, can feel you fucking throbbing. Cum in her for me, cum in her throat. Cum.
Mnnph.
Yeah, that’ll push you right to the edge, teetering. In freefall, actually, jaw snapping shut first—fingers shortly after—you tug hard at where you’ve gathered slipshod pigtails of shimmering, silky-smooth hair, and Miyeon quite nearly chokes as you release everything into her mouth, deluge-like. You’re going to make a mess, you think. You’ll make more.
Mmnnppph.
Okay, it’s filthy is what it is; the sounds of it alone are fucking filthy. That seal of soft lips around you starts to break, leaving you with the flood of cum and spit spilling down your cock and into Yuqi’s fingers as Miyeon gasps at an overwhelmingly desperate draw of air. The struggle to swallow you down is beyond unreasonable, but she brings her mouth back onto you again—closes her eyes and sucks. 
“All of it,” Yuqi whispers still. That’s the kick, and your whole body commits to sighing as she jerks your cock into the wet heat of Miyeon’s mouth. She twists gently, pumping, pulling, fucking every last bit of tension out of your muscles and draining it thoroughly into Miyeon’s throat.
(So that’s what you like, is how you think Yuqi says it, eyes studying your torn expression in equal parts apathy and awe.
She licks your cum off the sharp edge of her knuckles, from between her fingers, and she glances down at where Miyeon is still lapping her tongue at sensitive skin and sucking and cleaning you between her lips. Her lipstick is smeared, makeup running, with tears visible at the ends of her lashes, her cheeks still burning hot and embered. Miyeon looks perfect in many ways, but only flawless in one.)
“Good lord.” Yuqi’s eyes are creased in laughter near the end of your recovery, lighting fast and pulling you over Miyeon’s delicate frame. It’s the kind of laughter that’s genuine and contagious. Sweetly harmonic.
Calling you to join in while you glide your cock between Miyeon’s thighs and press the small of her back into her mattress until she’s practically prone to the bed, tight little ass angled up, proffering, and simply begging for you to pound away. 
“And I mean this in the most respectful way possible,” Yuqi says, with a hair tie between her teeth and fixing back her long waves into something more manageable, hoping it might be something you can pull and yank. What’s the saying—a brave man dies once, but a coward ought to know that Yuqi will always, always, always get what she wants.
“You two are actually really fuckin’ weird.” Her eyes are smoldering, lips quirked into a careless little grin. “I love it.”
-
“Alright, I’m going to have to ask,” Miyeon says, “do I need to be worried about this?”
Someone probably should be. The realization you’re hurdling into is that there exists both a waking up with Yuqi and a waking up with Yuqi, much in the same way there exists both a sleeping with Yuqi and a sleeping with Yuqi.
The three of you do first wake up together, just this ridiculous tangle of limbs that really only has one realistic conclusion, and when Miyeon reminds you—bent over the bathroom sink minutes later and cumming on Yuqi’s fingers—she has to be at the studio in an hour to refilm a few of her over-the-shoulders shots, and it’s not fair that you get to laze around all day, and that her manager is literally going to be here to pick her up any minute, Yuqi and you do the most natural thing in the world. You continue waking up.
You wake up in the shower, on the kitchen island, back again in Miyeon’s room since it’s already kind of fucked up anyway; Yuqi wakes you up all while her knuckles turn white around the door handle of the refrigerator, the back of the living room sofa, and it’s not really that convincing when she turns to Miyeon, one eye shut tight, and tells her, “no, not at all.”
Because when you try to voice something similar, your words get caught pretty deep in your throat, stuck and unmoving. That's become pretty familiar. It’s all pretty fucked, actually.
Yuqi’s on her knees in front of you, fist tight around your cock and jerking all this hot cum onto her face. There’s sin tucked everywhere into these pages. Particularly on her nose, her lips, her cheek, bisecting one of her perfectly manicured eyebrows. You have your proclivities. The tendency toward destruction, toward ruin, and what is Yuqi if not a gorgeous masterpiece begging for someone, anyone to be just a little destructive and ruinous. She flinches every time it hits her, pumping her fingers around your cock again until a rope of creamy white flies right into her pink hair. 
We’re fine, is what you tell Miyeon, huffing and repeating yourself: “We’re fine, I’ll catch you later.”
Miyeon crosses her arms, and that’s when it becomes a little clearer. The juxtaposition here is striking and immediate: black heels, black leggings, pencil skirt, prim and pressed white-collared shirt, the cute little suit jacket that fits barely over her dainty shoulders—she’s dressed head to toe in business casual like she’s about to put in eight hours hole-punching or making copies or writing emails and it’s so effortlessly sexy that the only thing that could possibly distract you from it—
“He’ll be fine,” Yuqi says, not even chagrined in the slightest that she’s fucking covered in cum. You watch her stand up, wipe her eyelashes free of mess with the back of her forearm, and start leading you to the window with her wrist still flexing out tiny motions around your cock. “I’ll make sure of it.” 
“Just a reminder,” Miyeon shouts, even-pitch and tone slightly indignant, which makes a lot of sense. “You promised you’d sit in for my line reads.”
“And I will.” 
It’s almost idiotic—here you are, the expert in the room, a professional in spinning ludicrous little lies, purveyor of fantasy and fiction and fuck if it’s not obvious that you’re planning on fucking Yuqi’s pretty little cunt until you’re both forgetting how to function. Miyeon reads that from across the room. From where the stench of sex is so heavy it’s probably hitting her too.
“Oh relax princess,” Yuqi says to her, and her lips slant to something more mischievous. Her shoulders are slumped back against the pane of glass and she’s rubbing the head of your cock through the soaked folds of her pussy. Neither of you are in search of ideas, for inspiration. Want for nothing. You’ll fucking ruin this little cunt—get me screaming and so addled I can’t speak straight, Yuqi’s telling you with just the corner of her mouth, curling. 
You grab hold of Yuqi, grappling with her for a moment before you spin her around in your hands—until her tits are plastered onto the window. It’s a show of force, a drill in shock and awe admittedly, but also you’ve got two perfect rows of bite marks above your collarbone. Honest to god, a full dental record, right in your shoulder. You sense the inspiration in it. Yuqi fucks like there’s inspiration in it, like she’s trying to kill you, in a way, but you’re paid for maintaining an image just a tad more wholesome than that. Ideally with a little less blood where a camera could catch it.
“Jesus christ,” Miyeon says, tapping away at her phone. “You guys are gross.”
“He promised. Didn’t he?” Yuqi mutters against the pane, the condensation in her breath fogging immediately. If that isn’t a perfect preview of what you’ll do to her. Perfectly premeditated by the way she fucking keens when you slip back inside her tight cunt. And Miyeon is very unimpressed with all of it: “Yeah okay, whatever, I don’t care, stay hydrated or something. I’m going to wait downstairs.”
“Told you,” Yuqi purrs, grinning all over you, in the breadth of quiet that the door leaves slamming shut behind Miyeon—stage exit, fade to black; you know that sometimes the magic of film isn’t what’s shown on camera, but rather what isn’t. 
“Told me what?” you ask, still enthralled by how Yuqi is so small underneath you, how when you’re both reaching for control, you don’t really even care if she beats you to the draw.
She gets jealous, Yuqi’s trying to explain, in between the sounds of you fucking her open and raw. You hesitate. Like you haven’t always had that effect on people, blossomed into blessing, complexed into curse. You reach your hand up Yuqi’s ribs, her chest, around her throat, and let your words bite at her ear: “oh, I think you will too.”
-
“I get hate mail,” you tell Miyeon. You’re on set the following week, ducking out of the path of a mic boom that is swinging way too fucking low, and there’s this story trending that heavily suggests you and Miyeon are knocking boots and it has a few disheartened fans absolutely outraged. “Like physical hate mail, in envelopes and stamped and everything.”
“It’s because of the stubble,” she says, rubbing a finger under your jaw. The girl in charge of costuming is adamant that beard prosthetics are lazy and cheap and you are neither. Even if you need it for only one scene. “It makes you look…”
“Uncouth?”
“Rakish,” she says, blinking. And as an afterthought: “Like, of all your thoughts, the one you have of pulling my shirt up and kissing at my tits until they’re sore is somehow the least vulgar.” 
Her shoulders pull up into the slightest shrug. “I mean I’m into it,” she adds.
“That’s not fair,” you tell her, “I’m not considering anything like that.”
Miyeon pulls you aside and up one of set’s staircases to nowhere, fingers warm at the crook of your elbow, and says, “well, it’s all I can fucking think about.”
-
Take a second for some personal reflection: you’ve never really tried to make a habit of anything and at the same time been successful. When it happens, it just kind of happens. We are what we repeatedly do.
In a way, it all started in public, this thing between you and Miyeon. Your roots are here, out with the blurs of passing people, daring to be seen, to be recognized, to be identified. You had long thought—and think, you do, particularly when doing the unthinkable—that a girl like Miyeon would steer away from the prospect; fucking you instead in private, comfort realized in the security of drawn curtains and shuttered blinds. A stark contrast to the part of your lives lived out in the open, subject to scrutiny and skepticism, unguarded from microscopic observation.
She only has everything to lose, you understand. And you aren’t more than a few paces behind her either. Reckless, she’s muttering while you sink to your knees and get your fingers up her skirt, so reckless—like this whole thing isn’t her idea.
The crazy part about all this that you actually do get caught. Not just one time either. 
You’ll bring it up in discussion with Soyeon later, when you run into her at the movie’s premier event and you’ve realized the value of having a good confidant:
“I literally told you one thing,” she’ll say, hands on her hips and looking like the mother that has to call the school, has to call the parent of the window you’d shattered with a baseball. It’ll all be highly disappointing. You are unbelievable—is what she won’t be able to say, even though she’ll really, really want to—I told you not to sleep with Miyeon and you slept with Miyeon why would you sleep with Miyeon you absolute moron.
-
There’s the time on set: in a fucking storage closet of all places. You’ve got Miyeon laid back on a table, fucking her slowly. Her panties are in her mouth, and the toes of her foot are curling against your cheek. It starts with a kiss, which most people might consider poetic, just your lips against a heel, the narrow bend of her arch to where she’s got her delicate toes perfectly colored in pastel white; Miyeon’s too cock-addled to do anything like comment on the fact you take them between your lips, slowly, and again, sucking, kissing her feet until she laughs at the way it tickles.
“Oh my god,” a voice says. One of the production assistants. “Oh my god, I’m so, so sorry.”
-
There’s the time in the woods near where you’re shooting a few of the outdoor scenes. You’re stepping out of a tall brush, and Miyeon’s cheeks are so red, glistening in sweat and cum and there’s a technician running an extension cord to god knows where to hook up more lights to the rigging.
“Um,” he says, just staring and unwinding more cord.
“We were looking for her earring,” you tell him.
“In the fucking woods?” He laughs out loud, just this self-amused grunt of a laugh. “Did you find it?”
You actually can’t look him in the eye, and Miyeon is just standing there, mortified. Your forehead creases a puzzled line and you say, with absolute conviction: yes.
-
“Jesus christ, Miyeon.” You swivel on your stool in your dressing room. Think possibly to kneel, but you know what might happen if she sees you on your knees, supplicating.
Let the record show, you and Miyeon are on day six of your self-imposed moratorium—the ban that prohibits the two of you fucking eachother at work, so it’s not like it’s the fastest capitulation in the world either.
Miyeon does a spin, pleated hem of a navy blue plaid skirt flaring out to the sides—how do I look?
There are answers in your throat, no doubt—like sin, like fantasy, like a submissive, fuckable fantasy. Like it should be illegal.
“Uh—I mean,” you nearly stammer, massaging your thumb into your temple. It’s certainly not natural for you to be here, on the back foot, and it has Miyeon’s mouth slanting into a predictable smirk. In an almost inexcusably banal act, she puts a fingernail to her teeth and shimmies her waist so that you’re lost to the moment, tracking how the skirt’s fabric ruffles between her legs.
Is it the fact that some maniac in costume has gone and put her in a school uniform?
Yes. 
That's a great deal of what’s going on here, which is a whole fucking lot. Is it the way her shoulders vanish in a tailored blazer with a nostalgia-inducing insignia above the breast pocket—her fingers poking out from the cuffs and toying at the lapels? Is it that the dress shirt beneath it is made of the cheapest cotton one could find (because the thing doesn’t really need to hold up over multiple washes) so you can see how her stomach flattens, that gentle rise in her chest, the sharp angle of her collarbones, all when the light catches it just right? There’s the stockings, dress shoes, a fucking ribbon in her hair and you’re ignoring the fact that the tie around her neck is a little loose and you might be able spin it over her shoulders and tighten your grip and—
“Cute, right?” She skips across the room and perches on your knee. Really selling it.
“I’m curious,” you say, looking for a narrow gap, something to stow away into, something that might take your mind off the fact that when you look at Miyeon, you’re transposing and overlaying images of an eleventh grade crush, and that’s not a mood you were prepared to be whipped into at just the flash of blue plaid and a charcoal blazer. “When was the last time you wore a ribbon in your hair?” 
“Oh gosh.” One corner of Miyeon’s mouth frowns, ruminating. She hovers her hand up to her ponytail, twisting it gently until it bounces back into place. “It’s been such a long time actually, I don’t know, seventeen, eighteen years old?”
Okay, that’s certainly not helping. A more direct approach, perhaps: “what are you doing, Miyeon?”
“Oh,” she says, nonchalant, because isn’t it obvious, “I’m here to get fucked.”
This is trouble, and among other things, a perversion, you think, but your mouth is too dry to say any of that, and Miyeon leans in and places her fingers beneath your jaw. Tilts your chin and presses her lips to yours, gentle, feather-light.
One one-thousand. Two one-thousand. Three one-thousand. Four one-thousand.
Shifting slightly, the inside of Miyeon’s thigh presses to the outside of yours, only ever the slightest movement, and it has you sighing into her mouth. It’s impossible to decide whether you ought admire her confidence or find fault with her gall. She’s a delightful lapful—and a handful, and a mouthful—so you’ll flirt with danger, abandon those last vestiges of inhibition, and lean into the former rather than the latter.
Miyeon’s breath lands against your lips, hitching as the kiss breaks.
“Look,” you say, lip smacking back into place when she finally lets it free. There’s a response, bubbling up from your gut, because on one hand, this is the exact kind of impropriety you were hoping to avoid. And on the other, well, nothing ventured, nothing lost—you suppose. Your eyes are flicking to the top buttons of her shirt, collar agape and that gentle invitation of cleavage snuck behind it.
“Oh my god,” Miyeon says, inches from your face, and she starts to laugh. “You have grays in your beard.”
“No there aren’t.”
“I’m serious.” She wraps her hand around your cheeks, and twists your face to the vanity mirror, like it’d be helpful. “Look,” she says, twice, pulling her lip between her teeth and staring at your reflection.
“Those are stress grays,” you amend, before turning back and shifting her weight more comfortably into your lap, soft thighs straddling yours. “Just to be clear, I’m barely any older than you are.”
“Older,” she says, smiling.
“Don’t have to dwell on it.”
“I mean there’s a silver lining to that though.” Miyeon’s fingers are spread across your face, thumbs gently rubbing into your cheekbones. She’s close enough for you to forget her manager is going to come looking for her at some point or another. “Just means I can call you daddy, and it won’t be weird.”
“Uh.”
“You know,” she adds, sliding her fingers over your ears and pressing a kiss into your jaw, “while we’re doing it.”
“No, I understood that part.” You give her another once over and firm your hands on her waist to stop her from grinding her hips any further into yours. “I’m not sure it’s age that potentially makes it weird.”
“Come on,” she says, letting her voice slip into that slightly deepened register that suggests not only will she disobey you, but you’ll love every second of it. “I know you love to play with me.”
“It’s not a trick question. What are you asking for here, Miyeon?”
“Sex,” she says.
“Yes,” you answer, blinking back at her, expression skeptical. “I was there for that part of the conversation. It was about sixty seconds ago, if I recall.”
She lifts your chin, looks straight in your eyes, and asks, “and?”
“I’m just trying to puzzle out what you're telling me.” You slide your fingertips past the waist of her skirt and onto her ass. The quiet hum of satisfaction in Miyeon’s throat says you’re getting warmer. “What it is you want.”
“Any ideas?” she presses again, the lilt in her voice filling you with hundreds—the countenance behind it providing even more. Her hips grind into you further, bucking toward your waist and silencing the anxious distance between you.
“Do you want me to touch you?” Your hand snakes around the curve of Miyeon’s ass, down to where her underwear feels hot and unmistakably damp, where you can feel the shape of her lips through the fabric and the heat smoldering between them. There’s a tiny wanton whine from her throat when you circle your fingers; a sharp draw of air past her teeth when you apply a little more pressure. “Want my fingers inside of you? Hmm?”
Miyeon nods almost immediately.
You kiss her. Slide your mouth over her lips and recognize the strawberry in her lip gloss and hold onto your exhale, breathing the same air. Her eyes open first, lashes brushing yours. “You want me to fuck you, Miyeon.”
“Want you to tell me what to do,” she says, and without even running the word experimentally around her mouth, without testing its taste or the way it feels on her tongue, she fixes her dark brilliant eyes on you, saying, “want daddy to tell me what to do.”
You’ve got all this about nature and nurture running amuck in your head to the backdrop of the sound of a large cable snapping. It’s dangerous. It’s not like you, you’re not the type, you’re telling yourself, and a lot of other rubbish that isn’t concerned by the fact that Miyeon’s here, fucking dressed like this, ponytail bobbing, ribbon in her hair begging to come undone—
Lock the door, you say to her, and she does. Turn around. Take your jacket off, and she pauses first, before twisting her arms from the sleeves and folding it neatly over the back of a chair. You’ve got a hand outstretched as she walks toward you; your panties, hand them over, and she reaches down beneath her skirt, rolling her underwear down her smooth thighs, her calves, eyes never once leaving yours—watching you watch her. 
Sit.
Touch yourself. 
Slowly; slower—
It’s almost ridiculous. You’ve hardly even laid a hand on her, and she’s got her eyes looking up at you like you’d just set all her biological clocks an hour forward, cranked up to ten-minutes-to-midnight, and replaced all her coherent thoughts with just one simple thing: how bad she needs you to cum in her cunt.
She’s settled at the front of the vanity counter, feet against your chest, head tilting back against the mirror, and she’s gently slapping her own pussy with the pads of her fingers, covered and wet in her own anticipation. Your hands are nothing like hers—these slender, delicate things—and it’s driving her up the wall. You’re spreading her thighs, opening her up, bringing the roughness in your fingers, the heel of your palm so close. Miyeon can’t help it.
“You’re such a slut,” you tell her, watching her shove one, two fingers past the glistening lips her pussy—biting back a laugh as she starts to fuck herself slowly for you. “And already this fucking wet.”
Miyeon just smiles, eyes hooded and looking at you with such perfectly sinful intent. “I thought that’s how daddy likes his little girl.”
(Don’t get it confused: it’s never been a challenge to play a character, to be someone you are not, to emotionally identify and aspire to the details of a part. But this is different. This is seamless. This is you leaning into that space, living in it, loving it. A physical part of you. Genuine and true.)
You grapple Miyeon’s wrist, pulling her hand away from the want of her pussy, denying her all of that friction. She whines, but puts up little to no fuss when you bring her hand to her face and clear your voice of anything that doesn’t inspire authority—deliver an order, sternly, with her fingers in her mouth, suck.
“Here’s a lesson.” You click your tongue as she closes her eyes and sets her jaw in motion to clean her own slick off her nails, her knuckles. “The only thing that goes in my princess’s cunt, is daddy’s cock.”
“In that case,” Miyeon says around her fingers still between her lips, a smile spreading across all of her perfected features—voice lilting, reeling you in, sinking its teeth into your skin: I think daddy’s going to have to punish me.
Oh, you’re one step ahead of her, thinking of all the ways how, and the sound of your zipper coming undone makes Miyeon's eyes go wide with want, with need. Her petite, perfect, fuckable body still locked away behind fabric, she starts hiking her skirt even higher up her hips, lazily unfastening the buttons of her shirt. 
You tell her to put her feet together, wrapping a grip onto her stockings and pulling her legs closed—twisting them to the side and letting her heels clack together over your shoulder. The gentle motion of your thumb between her thighs gets her sucking a sharp draw of air. Always so vocal Miyeon is at the slightest provocation.
Your cock is harder than it’s ever, ever been; harder yet as you tease it at the folds of Miyeon’s entrance, pushing it against sensitive skin and earning you pleased little chirrups from deep in her chest, repeating, “yes, yes, yes—”
She’s only halfway down the buttons on her shirt, collar gaping open and lolling to the sides of her soft shoulders, sliding partway downway her arms, and then it’s that fucking tie still loosely hanging around her neck—so impossibly irresistable. The motion is practiced, near effortless: you slip right into the tight embrace of her creaming cunt. When she makes it through the length of a heavy breath through pursed lips, you sink even in further.
“Oh, this pussy is fucking incredible,” you sputter, voice come to reckon with the fucking bind that is Miyeon’s body, coiling beneath your weight the deeper you cock reaches inside her. “I don’t know that I could ever punish you. Maybe I should just spoil you, princess; get on my knees and make you cum on my mouth instead—”
“No.”
“What was that?” you coax, fucking into her cunt slowly, and your little girl growls at you. You can’t help but chuckle, making a tight grasp of the tie around her neck, and start to twist. 
Miyeon’s flushed all over, eyes glassy, but emblazoned still, a spark of defiance in those deep shimmering pools that makes her all the more alluring. Her lashes flutter—whole body tensing in response—as your thighs crash into her, cock deep inside the tight grip of her cunt.
She feels amazing.
“Yes, please,” she tells you, huffing out the words and changing her tune as you begin to let her have you, let her revel in the determined rhythm of you fucking her like she’s come to expect. “God, yes, daddy please…”
It’s so easy to fuck Miyeon—muscle memory and learned behavior—so easy to sink your fingers into her ass, her thighs, her tits, wrap your arms around her waist and start fucking her so quickly it has her pussy so wet it’s not even slowing you down in the slightest when you pull harder on the tie around her neck, draw her writhing body into you, and start to use her.
“You’re fucking, god, you’re fucking tearing me open,” she tells you with her brows sinking over eyes screwed shut, “it feels so fucking good—tell me, do you like fucking me? Do you like fucking your little slut?
“Fucking love it,” you whisper against her ear.
It doesn’t even cross your mind for a second, whether she wanted to be fucked like this, wanted to be used and choked and pounded so hard her legs buckled and her muscles ached and she could barely remember her own name—she landed in your lap, flirted with this danger, both of you immediately aware of what all it entailed. 
Miyeon didn’t just invite it, the girl fucking craves it.
Just like this, she’s muttering, voice barely rasping into anything audible under the weight of your grip, fuck your little slut just like this—bathing your cock in the delicious cream and slick of her pussy so that you might fuck it all back into her. When she starts moving like this, body shaking in quakes and quivers, voice woven into her mewls and moans, you know she’s so fucking close, only in want of a little encouragement—
“There you go, good girl,” you breathe against her lips, kissing them abruptly, before letting her weight fall back to the vanity counter with just the slightest release of the tie in your fist. “Cum for me, princess, I know you want to—know you want to cum all over daddy’s cock. You’re practically sobbing for me, baby. Go ahead, just cum.”
Sheltered somewhere in quiet of those sloppy, wet, lewd sounds, the score of your cock sliding in and out of Miyeon, is the strangled cry that sneaks out of her throat, gasping: “cumming, I’m fucking cumming, please, I—god.”
Accentuated by the fact that her arms are still halfway trapped in the cotton of her shirt, she can’t do a thing from underneath you. She’s near trapped under the weight, the sheer tempo of at which you’re ruining her cunt. You’re ripping your name in moans and prayers off her lips and she can hardly move beyond that slight squirm in your arms, writhe in the way you mold her to you, overcome in pleasure at how she’s left so full, perfectly remade to the shape of your cock.
Her fingers are splayed across your ribs, holding you, bracing against you, and none of it’s anything you haven’t told her before—so pretty, take it so well, your cunt’s perfect, you’re perfect, so good sweetheart—but in aggregate, taking the length your cock, taking all of you, she shatters apart.
Your hands are on her cheeks, thumbing strands of tousled hair ever-so-gently back into place, and you’re feeling the way her skin burns bright red, feeling the way she gasps for air in shallow pants, feeling her cunt clench hard around you. It’s the moments like these, where she’s delicate to touch, soothed only by your lips pressed to the tip of her nose, her forehead—finding comfort in the arm she swings over your shoulders—she’s so wildly beautiful. 
“So fucking—” She lets her voice even out, and after multiple attempts, gets the words she wants in the right order: “so good, how do—so fucking good baby, how do you want? Cum. How do you want to cum?”
“Could fucking paint your pretty face,” you tell her, moving your hips back to life and fucking into her soaked, messy cunt slowly. The way you push a kiss into her soft lips—now wet and slightly swollen from how she’d been biting them—is a little at odds with the suggestion.
“Ha. I think I get it,” Miyeon starts, the shy smile filling her mouth taking over the shape of her ragged huffs and pants, “we throw daddy around a few times, and suddenly you’re afraid to cum inside me, is that it?”
“Oh, sweetheart, that’s not it at all.” The fact that she’s recovered an ounce of resolve, chip steadily reappearing on her shoulder, is nothing more than a facade, and you’re drawing back the curtain, finding her body still wracked, plenty malleable, puddied and easy to manipulate with a firm grip around her waist. “Let me show you.”
“And just what is it that I’m—” 
Miyeon’s voice breaks almost immediately as you turn her over in your hands. Her knuckles hit the vanity counter and her legs wobble where they land precariously on the floor. She’s so wet and well-fucked that the mess you’d made of her cunt is effortless to slip back into. You allow her more, pushing in as deep as you’ll go, faster than she can blink, faster she can think to protest. It’s the angle that makes her back arch with surprised, sudden pleasure. The depth that makes her eyes shut tight, a gasp not quite making it past her lips. 
Watch.
She can see it all, in the perimeter of fluorescent bulbs, reflection staring back at her. The way her porcelain skin lights aflame. There’s sweat beading across her forehead, blonde hair darkening at its roots. Her lips are parted slightly, tender swell cushioning the bite of her teeth—her eyes are hooded, chin tilting, and she’s watching herself moan and curse as you start to fuck her. She’s perfect, and she knows she’s perfect.
You pull her skirt forward over the round of her ass, fingers sunk into the soft skin, and fuck her harder, until the counter is shaking with it, until she’s crying out, any concept of shame or embarrassment long forgotten. 
“Oh, please,” she starts, settling into your cadence, feeling delighted at the way you fill her.
Her fingers are white-knuckled as she clings to the edge of the counter, and in between breathless little noises, these sharp gasps and whines or another, between the unyielding motions of your cock in her cunt, she writhes.
“Please, please, please, please make me cum again,” she barely manages, blathering and stuttering over her own words. “Please use this little cunt, fucking use me, fuck me, fill me—”
“Anything for my princess,” you say, and after pressing a long row of kisses into the curve of her spine—a heavy kiss of your lips into the sharp edge of her shoulder—you bring a hand to the back of her neck, the slippery-smooth locks of hair already bundled and begging for your fist, becoming your grip.
“Oh my god,” Miyeon mutters, watching her body bend to your will, arching backward into your cock and becoming flush all over. Her eyes flick up to yours, begging you to fill her deeper, fuck her faster, fuck her harder. “Daddy please…”
The way her cunt sleeves onto your cock is so hot, so wet, so unbelievably tight, especially when the fingers woven in her hair flex taut—and so does she—how could you ever think to do anything but?
You pull harder on her hair, tension building in the curving bow of her body, arching further and further into submission. Her face is close enough for you to kiss, to lean into her ear, to whisper, “Miyeon, baby, I’m going to make you cum again. Gonna make you cum all over my cock. Be a good girl for me and take it.”
Miyeon’s voice is flooded, drenched and soaked in meek cries. More so by the minute. She’s whining and gasping and fighting for air like she hasn’t been coached a thousand times on how to keep a clean image. Beyond the curses and filth, the nonsensical string of obscenities falling off Miyeon’s lips, it’s gratitude: “thank you, thank you, thank you, please keep fucking me, please just use me—”
It’s obscene, filthy, it’s practically pornographic–-all framed for her to see. Miyeon’s costume is still barely clinging to her tiny frame, coming off in pieces. And you’re sliding your hand across her smooth stomach, up her ribs and hooking fingers between the cups of her bra, until it comes down far enough around her waist that it simply unclasps and falls to the floor. Every time bring your hips forward, fuck your cock harder into her cunt, you track the movement of her body in the mirror: shoulders lurching, mouth gasping, tits shaking—Miyeon recoiling. 
Even the ribbon in her hair can’t stand against the intensity of it, untangling from her ponytail and falling to the counter, defeated.
Beauty is a picture in motion, and Miyeon is nothing if not elegant. You slow your pace to admire her, hands at her breasts, her waist, still holding firm around her hair and curling her body into your control. She whines louder when you kiss her temple, rasping against the sweat building in her hair. “Make yourself cum for me baby, fuck your little cunt on my cock until you cum again.”
“God,” Miyeon rasps, nodding slightly against you with her eyes carefully fixed on her reflection, and she starts to roll her hips—fucking herself and choking back a whimper every time she finds where it’s mind-numbingly sensitive, where she’s wet and needy and begging for the hard shape of your cock. It’s unbelievable how desperate she ruts against you, grinding her way to her own release.
“Such a good girl for me.” You’re reaching a hand down to her cunt, the hot mess between her legs, and you’re slipping your fingers around where your cock is inside her, skating your thumb across her aching lips, barely touching her clit—
“I’m gonna cum,” she moans out, breathless, “you’re gonna make me fucking cum.”
A final kiss at the hot skin beside her temple, your nose in her hair—drowning in the sweet stench of her sweat, her sex—you’re telling her, “I know I am princess,” and when you release the grip you’ve made of her hair, Miyeon collapses, palms flat over the countertop.
It’s hard to miss, all written on Miyeon’s reflection in front of you, cheeks exquisitely red, lips slacking as she cums, brows twisting together and eyes heavily lidded—and that’s just what you can see. You fuck her quivering cunt, thrusts coaxed into this reckless chase as she spasms around you—holding tight to her waist, fucking her faster and faster until your cock is aching and you’re hunched over her, telling her what she’s been dying to hear: “I'm so close to cumming in your cunt sweetheart, you'll be so filled up and perfect that way, princess.”
There’s no mistaking it. Pleasure palpable in the reflection in front of you, eyes smoldering and holding onto you. The hold she has on your cock, the vice that is her cunt around you—it shouldn’t even be possible to feel this fucking amazing—is far and away too good for you to do anything else: you grab her hips, fuck hard and fast into Miyeon’s sopping cunt, and on a thrust deep and unrelenting, you let go. You can barely even register the way your cock pulsates, firing shot after shot into her tight hole.
Miyeon’s still stuttering and gasping for breath when she feels your cum pool inside her. Even like this, wracked, writhing, and barely held together, she’s breathtaking.
“God, fuck, it’s so good,” she cries out, face still spun in pleasure, in ecstasy, feeling you spill more and more inside her. “Can feel you cumming so much, daddy.”
And that’s how you stay, pouring want and jittery contentment into the air by way of your ragged breathing alone, for the remainder of the minute, the hour, what ultimately ends up feeling far too short. 
Her knees buckle and if you weren’t still pressing bruises into her hips, she’d sink to the floor, a hot mess, a real meltdown of a girl. So she remains right where she is as you soften slowly inside of her, until she has to nudge you off. And as you finally pull out, there’s cum still leaking from your slit, and you catch a glimpse of more leaking out from between her soft, reddened thighs, just a few drops that land on the floor, enough to make something inside you tighten with want.
You kiss her one last time, and say, “c’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.”
-
“You need to come up with a better excuse than I needed to get fucked for when you show up like you are to costume,” you say a few minutes later, dabbing at Miyeon’s forehead with a handtowel. “They won’t be too thrilled with me messing up their handiwork.”
Miyeon leans forward in your lap, reaching around your shoulders and placing kisses into the broad shape of your shoulder. “I love the way you mess me up.”
You almost open your mouth again, to lodge a complaint, but nothing comes out.
(You’ve long avoided looking backward, the introspective stuff, the kind of thinking that makes your heart begin to ache in all sorts and manners of cliche. It’s difficult to look straight at the image, to take it in all at once—so full of regret and missed chances.
But for the first time in as long as you can remember, you believe in the things you’re afraid to say. As though you’re more than the weight of all your memories, that the darkness can remind you of where light can be. This is not the end of you, you remember, this is the beginning.
As though you fell so you could land next to her.)
-
It hits you in the middle of a workday. Nothing cathartic or dramatic about it like you’ve come to expect. Dramatic lighting, theatrical score, the meticulous scripting from a team of writers—there’s none of that; which is how you know it’s real.
Miyeon’s watching herself on the monitor. 
And there’s a part of it, you’ve come to understand, that never quite goes away, like listening to how your voice plays back on a recording, the uncertainty, those pangs of doubt—but you wonder, if perhaps, Miyeon can manage to enthrall and captivate even the greatest cynic, quiet her own insecurities and enchant even herself. She nods every now and again, wets her lips with her tongue when she hears her delivery, and furrows her brow. 
It’s not like that.
The sort of girl whose kisses can spin straw to gold—taste of liquor when she’s not even had any to drink—Cassis, juniper berries, gumdrops, sugar cane and molasses, all soft and steamy and sugary sweet. Quote, unquote. That’s what you said.
Don’t—
Please look at me when I tell you I love you. Any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed, you will never be lovelier than you are now, we will never be here again.
The whole studio is watching it: the triumph of your lips on hers, holding her softly and kissing her like if you closed your fingers she might shatter into a million pieces. All they did was hold the camera, and it saw what it saw.
Miyeon looks at you, rubs your knuckles with her thumb and says, “you don’t like it.”
Something’s off.
“You think we need one more take?”
(It doesn’t really make sense—the fact that you can’t put a finger on it is bothering you more than anything else. It’s clean, perfect even; smells like a swimming pool: a bleached sea salt, a flower with chemical petals; and not in a good way. Looked at from another perspective, the scene is just as it’s written, as it was rehearsed, but you’re hesitating. And you don’t know why.)
“You think we need one more,” Miyeon says again, inquisitive.
You make a face, and Miyeon squeezes your fingers.
“Yeah. Okay. You think we need one more.”
“I suppose,” you say mildly, “if it’s not too much of a hassle.”
It’s not as simple as that. At least the way you see it. It rarely is. A better guy could probably recognize what it is you’re feeling and put it into words, but you are not a better guy. Spend too much time living on the words of characters and in the confines of a scene, you start to lose sense of the bigger picture. There’s you—outside of the frame, strangely unfamiliar at times, unknowable right now. There’s Miyeon, and she’s not just gorgeous and perfect like everyone knows her to be; she’s gorgeous and perfect to you.
“Here’s what I think,” Miyeon starts, staring straight through you, a pulsing rush of longing—the whisper, irresistible, magic that could make the sanest man go mad. You just want to hear me say I love you one more time.
Everyone’s eyes are glued to the monitors, witness to the story that is you and her, but you’re looking at Miyeon, directly at her, for once not even lost in the details—simply lost in everything, like a stone down a well. It does scare you. That of all things, she might be right.
-
The incident, as it will later be known, is more realistically a sequence of events, but no one has ever been interested in anything other than how it ends. 
(It's always the changes we don’t ask for that change everything.)
There are just a handful of scenes and shots that need to be filmed on location on an island in the Maldives, one that is just about everything you’ve grown to resent. Garishly extravagant resort, beaches of white sand so combed and manicured they yearn to be trampled, and the only locals in sight are either changing sheets or caked up in makeup and hanging around the hotel bar from the twilight hours of the evening and into the early morning. A real lovely place, you admit, maybe you’ll come back never.
It’s as if the universe cashes in on your bad karma all at once via the series of unfortunate events: your flight’s delayed, a storm turns a three hour layover into a two day nightmare, your bags get lost. And the moment you step onto the tarmac, the heat punches you right in the gut, and upon curling over in defeat, the humidity figures it’ll kick you right in the head—this all, by the way, before you find out the air conditioning in your room is fucked beyond repair and the hotel staff have no interest in helping you fix it.
When a series of mistakes has you shooting a scene over and over until you’re pretty sure it’s fruitless—that the exhaustion has brought you to your knees—you quickly find yourself starting to slip.
Miyeon’s standing next to the director, watching the scene playback, and hearing her say, “that’s better,” while everything that could ever go wrong in the history of linear time is happening is the best part of this whole debacle, if anything, for its raw comedic value.
The absolute worst of it, however, is the gaggle of bumbling entertainment journalists (the lowest of the low) following in the production’s wake. There’s a lot a ground to cover: the movie’s nearing completion, the premieres, the fact that everyone thinks you’re screwing Miyeon, the fact that you actually are—
How has working with your co-stars, Miyeon in particular, bettered your understanding of what it means to be an actor? The insinuation, if it’s even an undertone enough to call it that, you do find insulting.
Though it’s hardly the question that trips you up. It’s trifling. And when you force a smile, everyone takes your pandering at face value. Now whether it’s out of envy, confusion, plain old cynicism, possibly a mixture of the three, or just because the part of your brain associated with temperance and self control is melting at the current head index of a million and two, is unclear.
But you fuck up.
It’s under your breath, out of the corner of your mouth. It’s not even directed at anyone in particular. The challenge here—the thing that will come to ruin you in about one media cycle—is that the damn microphone clipped to your shirt is still absolutely live, and it’s broadcasting every thought that should stay quiet:
Acting? From Miyeon? Hah. Swallowing cum maybe… but acting?
You fuck up bad.
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calmcoldevening · 1 year ago
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Do you write eric draven hc’s?
Eric Draven x reader, headcannons
Anyway, I finally got to this movie and watched it! Honestly? It was great. I really love such old atmospheric horror movies, just omg. So now I will try to state all my thoughts on this. I apologize in advance for the mistakes, English is not my native language.
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• Eric is a very romantic person. Each of your dates would be thought out to the smallest detail, literally. If it's a night out at home, you could sit in his arms while he played one of his songs on the guitar. Or you could watch a movie in the living room, the choice, of course, would be yours. The lights are dimmed, and there are a lot of burning red and pink candles around; the air is filled with the pleasant aroma of roses that Eric gave you this morning; and the sofa around you is full of your favorite sweets and snacks.
• Talking about details, Eric would remember a lot of little things about his partner. I mean, starting from just the zodiac sign and ending with your favorite nail polish color. This person would be good at remembering different dates and, in principle, would treat you with tenderness.
• In his eyes, you are a fragile crystal that can crack at any moment from any inaccurate touch. Therefore, he values him very much, and sometimes literally takes care of him. The main thing is not to be angry with him for this, the boy just has a little trust problems, and he loves you so much.
• Eric is very caring and gentle. You can play with his hair, and then he will give you a relaxing massage if you had a hard day at school or work. He has really strong and skillful hands, it's not for nothing that he is a guitarist. These fingers can do a lot.
• You are always in safe. Literally. His raven follows you everywhere to help you if anything happens. Eric could not forgive himself for the death of another person dear to him.
• It might have been difficult for Eric to open up to you at the very beginning. He has survived a lot, and now he is literally immortal. But his heart is lonely and broken. Before his death, he saw such a horror that happened to his beloved, and now his existence is filled with gray colors. And then you show up. Like a ray of light in his dark life. And his heart seems to start beating again, and his brain is wildly babbling something about how soft your hair looks to the touch and how cute you smiled at that salesman in the store.
• There may be little aggression issue, but he will never hurt you, under any circumstances. He'll just mumble something under your nose and get mad at himself. Or he will go to the roof to play the guitar and calm down. But he will never hurt you. He will not let some little things separate you, destroy your trust. Therefore, he will smooth out all sorts of conflicts.
• During quarrels, he always tries to just talk to you. It's better to calmly hear each other's opinions and later just make your relationship even better, right?
• Constantly compliments you. He loves your eyes and your smell, so Eric can lie on your lap or on your chest for hours and cuddle while you gently touch his hair.
• Quite an active and emotional guy, so you will never get bored with him.
• Eric has a rather acute sense of justice, so he will not tolerate injustice towards you. Especially from yourself. If you have any complexes, the guy will try to prove to you that you are beautiful, absolutely and in everything.
• But he is not only gentle and caring, but also quite teasing. He likes to make you blush and look away in embarrassment. He likes to make you feel special. Because you're his treasure.
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according2thelore · 8 months ago
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can i mention ls/es verse on this mommy monday? bc the old versions seem like such a fucked up fountain of that ☺️
YES YOU MAY MENTION THAT, AND YOU SHOULD!!
putting a cut for brief nsft and a dash of mommy monday
it's hard to say which dean truly out-mommies.
on one hand, LS!Dean is so domesticated, and "is nesting" so like. obviously. yes.
he makes sam sandwiches and wraps him in little towels and lovingly tends to sammy's injuries while saying how proud he is of his little boy and how important he is.
he tells sam no with a strong voice, and sam really only follows through with a lot of it if he has dean's permission, lmao. like for the trials, S!1-2 sam would absolutely attempt do them behind dean's back anyways, but they actually have a conversation about it in S!8 (as stilted as it is) and he gets his mommy's permission! so nice!
but on the other hand ES!Dean is A MOMMY! he's overprotective and controlling and tries so desperately to get sammy's approval. sammy is his preteen and has decided that dean's not cool anymore, so dean is frantically trying to bring up things they did when he was younger like "oh haha don't u remember that time that we fought that werewolf in jackson? good times 🥺 </3"
he cradles sam's face in his hands and places thumbs at the back of his neck so sammy can't break eye contact, because he can tell from just one look if he's going to be okay.
he brushes off sammy's worse injuries like the classic "get up, shake it off" and jumps head-first off of a three-story bridge because sammy goes first.
ES!Sammy is dean's misbehaving thirteen-year-old that wears uneven black nail polish and combs his bangs over his eyes and talks about the "darkness in his soul" and dean is cooing over him and insisting that "my kid's not the problem. YOUR little brat on the other hand..." and rolls up to PTA meetings with chunky highlights and a purse filled with bricks.
but in the ES/LS verse, i think LS!Dean would probably ultimately out-mommy.
because like...c'mon.
LS!Sam and LS!Dean have settled so much into that dynamic, into the quiet dance of caring and being cared for, of power being already negotiated and traded. they're a lot more comfortable in the language of tending (even though they're definitely Still Weird), whereas ES!Sam&Dean tend to inject caring and caretaking with a power struggle that they're not used to yet. ES!Sam gets a little frustrated and resentful when ES!Dean's concern/attempts at mothering (to be frank) come off as patronizing. LS!Sam seems a lot more accepting that LS!Dean's attention can chafe, and while he sometimes still snaps, he also kind of basks in it. he loves when dean gets a little possessive or protective and loves it when dean becomes reassuring (thinking S!8 finale). they definitely negotiate that power more deftly than in ES, and so ultimately, i think they're more comfortable with the idea of "mommy."
but also, LS!Dean is putting his whole pussy into mommying. he's got TWO little baby brothers to look out for? mommy overload.
like...
LS!Dean is showing ES!Sam how to fix the engine on some random, shit-ass ford pinto in the bunker's garage, and when he gestures ES!Sam over with a quiet "c'mere baby, you see how the--" not even thinking about it, and ES!Sam goes absolutely perfectly fucking still because oh my god? holy shit?
and LS!Dean crowds in behind him, voice low in his ear, "you see how the rotor's not connected here? so what do we do when the fan's tilted like that?"
and sam shakily picks up one of the wrenches and makes some adjustment, and a hand slaps down low on sam's waist, turning the skin into live wires. sam jumps a little at the touch, not used to something so openly affectionate, to the sheer size and weight of the man behind him.
"good boy, sammy," LS!Dean murmurs, right into his hair, "you're payin' attention so well."
the words white-out sam's brain, fuzzing warm and hot and spilling over like a pot on a stove. and ES!Sam is suddenly, achingly hard, chest heaving, leaning back into LS!Dean's chest, almost blind with how bad he needs...something.
something is crawling up his throat and down his legs and he should feel patronized--he's not a fucking dog--but the praise goes straight to his cock and to the back of his neck, prickling the hairs there and his heart is hammering and his mouth opens and--
anyway. happy mommy dean monday!
-lizzy
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jessythebunny · 5 months ago
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🚂James the splendid engine🌹
❤James is the only bright red engine in the island of Sodor, and he thinks that he's very special and splendid.
❤He hates other engines being red and shiny like him because he wants to be special and not have anyone else be better than him.
❤James has scratches on his shoulders because of what Diesel 10 did and the attempt to chase him and catch him, which led to severe bleeding in his shoulders. After a while, James did not want to show his arms and he lost his self-confidence and handsomeness. He was wearing a hoody, and with the help of Edward and Emily, James was able to trust himself again.
❤James suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder, a mental condition that makes him abnormally obsess about anything messy or dirty. He was afraid for himself that he would get dirty, and if he got dirty or his paint got dirty, he would cry and then go crazy.
❤James was the new engine before Thomas and his color was black, but unfortunately his brakes gave off a smoke smell and then after the runaway and the accident, this was another reason for him getting scratches and changing his color to red.
❤If you want any advice about fashion or elegance, such as hairstyles, nail polish, or choosing fancy suits, go to James and ask him for any advice and he will help you make you elegant and attractive.
❤James likes to brag about himself a lot, and every moment he meets someone, he brags about himself, and this behavior annoys the other engines.
❤James likes to wear those black glasses on his eyes to make him more cool and luxurious and also to protect his eyes
❤The cherry ornament in his hair is a gift from Emily for his first birthday to her, and he always wears it because his favorite fruit is cherries.
❤James makes a lot of mistakes, causes a lot of disasters and problems for himself, and causes a lot of confusion and delay, and this is only because he does not want to do the tasks that he hates, such as delivering fish from the fishing boats, because, as I said before, he does not want anything to happen to him because of his paint, or delivering coal, or scrap. ect, he only prefers pulling coaches
❤Even though he makes a lot of mistakes and always apologizes, he will never learn from his mistakes because he is a vainy bitch.
❤he likes anything related to cherries, like cakes, ice cream, milkshakes, juices, and so on.
❤he likes to spend his time with his besties Thomas, Percy, Gordon, Henry, or having a romantic time with Emily, and also with Edward, but when Edward is hugging him or something, he gets pan panic.
❤He has a little rival with Duck, Because he thinks that Duck stole the spotlight from him, stole his fame, and became the sexy man of Sodor, Even Emily sometimes gets distracted by Duck, and this makes James jealous.
❤he likes the bouncy pop musics and romantic musics, he's always listening to them and he's bouncing like a lily, just Play any pop music and see what happens
❤he's close with Thomas(bff), Percy (bff), Gordon, henry, edward, emily, daisy, Jenny(oc), Mia(oc), Toad, Donald and douglas, Nia, Rosie, Mavis,Molly
❤good friends with Duck, Oliver, Skiff, Marina (oc), Toby, Rebecca, Hiro, Scottsman, Spencer, Philip
❤James and Diesel come together when they want to play pranks or make fun of someone, because they have one brain
❤James is terrified of Diesel 10 and cannot forget everything he did to him. Although Diesel 10 has apologized to him a lot, he is having trouble accepting his apology.
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kozachenko · 4 months ago
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A Retrospective Analysis on Touhou 17
So it's finally here, and even though I know for a fact that I am not going to be able to get the Keiki drawing done by this time (I'm having trouble with the eyes, for some reason it's always that aspect of drawing her that's difficult for me, I can never really capture the essence of her character no matter what I do) I still wanted to post something about this game today since it's the game's 5 year anniversary. I have a lot of thoughts on it, and my views on the game have changed quite a lot throughout my time being a Touhou fan. This is going to be very long so I'll put the rest under the keep reading tag.
So for some background, Touhou 17 was the first Touhou game I ever played, I got into the series during 2021 shortly after my Hunter X Hunter phase ended (since the manga was still on hiatus at the time) and I remember playing 17 during that time as well. I'm pretty sure that the reason I played it was because of that one nitirushh animation where Keiki disses the animal spirits so hard that they die (still my favourite fan-depection of Keiki tbh, it's just really funny to me) and that set my interest in the game itself. It was also the newest Touhou game at the time and none of the other games interested me as much. Then I actually played the game and at the time I found it insanely fun. I remember feeling so excited playing the stage 1 of the game and thinking to myself "Holy shit I'm actually playing a Touhou game" and having a lot of fun with it. Even though the game itself is the easiest out of all the Touhou games, it was still a challenge for me at the time since I had never played a bullet Hell before. For this reason, the game as a whole struck a chord with me. Funny Touhou animation aside, I don't know if it was because I had only recently gotten out of my Hunter X Hunter phase after finishing the whole 2011 version of the anime and had caught up with the manga during 2020, but maybe some aspect of 17 kinda scratched a similar itch in my brain and it really stuck with me IDK.
As for what I think of the game itself now.... gameplay wise, it could be better, it's still fun but there was so much potential for the game to tell it's story through the medium it chose to present itself in. Why did we not have more similarities between Eika and Keiki's danmaku styles to show their connection? Why did we not have a moment similar to what happened in TD during the final boss fight where Mayumi comes back in to take over during the fight in a last ditch effort to protect Keiki? It's the final boss so go all out! The animal spirits could also be balanced a lot better as well, especially with Youmu becoming incredibly overpowered with the wolf spirit, and visibility is a bit of a problem in this game. Some of the tracks could use a bit more polish too, I commend ZUN for being experimental with his newer tracks but the stage 3 theme and staff roll theme are both kinda eh, and while the boss themes have a lot of good punch to them and can be really good, it still feels like some extra spice could've been added to really make them stand out (which is why I love the theme remixes Saki and Yachie got in Touhou 19). I also wish the Animal Realm got explained better within the lore of the series, mainly because it raises a lot of questions about how Hell was founded and it kinda needlessly complicates things. I would've rather it be introduced as it's own region of Hell rather than being a separate thing entirely that just so happens to be located next to it. I also wish that we got more stuff with this setting that explains how it connects to the rest of the worldbuilding a lot more, I definitely feel like actually having it explained more in the mangas would definitely help to make it feel less convuluted, but unfortunately the closest we're getting are cameos in Lotus Eaters and very brief mentions of the games themselves. I still like the game though, as I've mentioned I do love a lot of the music and I love all the characters we got introduced to in this game. I've been appreciating Eika a lot more recently, I do like Urumi but she's neat and I like her design a lot, Kutaka is a fucking shithead who kept FUCKING UP MY 1CCS IN BOTH 17 AND 17.5 THE FUCKING BITCH- who is very funny and I love seeing more insight into Hell's management. Yachie's great and I find her relationships to the other characters in this game very interesting, Mayumi is awesome and the more I think about her the more I like her, and I love how Saki contrasts Yachie in her strategies. That being she has no strategy and just goes "fuck it, we ball" with no hesitation lmao.
I'm pretty sure you all noticed the absence of one character in particular, that being Keiki. I've made it no secret on this blog that Keiki is my favourite Touhou character, and a lot of that is because of her role as an antagonist in Touhou 17. I always found it really fascinating how ZUN created her as an allegory for AI (I don't know if Apollo just randomly blessed him with the gift of prophecy because MAN does that statement hit harder now more than ever) and the fact that she's portrayed as a very morally grey character in the game itself and Reimu's reaction to her, stating that she can see an "evil aura" in Keiki. I've already talked a lot about Keiki on this blog and I don't know what there is that I haven't said, but I wanted to start off with her because it ties into a big part of why I still find this game's story interesting. That main aspect being it's parallels to Gensokyo and Touhou's overarching them of humanity's relationship with nature.
So to step back from 17 for a second, I feel like we should look at what the Youkai represent in the story. Youkai in Touhou are created from humanity's fear, and back before science was able to properly explain anything, this fear very often manifested into a fear of nature. Natural disasters would end up wiping out villages, dangerous animals would often lurk in forests and end up killing anyone who would go in them. Overall nature isn't very kind to humanity, and humanity knows this. This is why humanity would often try and find reasons as to why these things would happen. This brings us back to the Youkai in Touhou who are the embodiment of the unexplainable. In manga like Forbidden Scrollery and Lotus Eaters, we often see how the humans in the human village are at the mercy of these Youkai, the only reason that they aren't being slaughtered is entirely for their own benefit so they don't run out of resources. The only hope the humans in the village really have is to turn to the gods, another product of man's desire to explain the unexplainable, to potentially save them. The survival of the people in the human village will always be in the hands of beings beyond their comprehension. No matter what, humanity will always be at the mercy of nature.
Coming back to Touhou 17, we can see that the relationship between the human and beast spirits isn't exactly.... pleasant. The beast spirits all see the human spirits as slaves essentially and they gain strength from their torment. The only way that the human spirits are even able to stand a chance against them is to submit themselves to a god and pray for their protection. And even then there's no way in Hell that they're getting out of this situation since the god they're praying to views them the same way as the animal spirits (whether they are aware of it or not).
So if you haven't noticed by my word choice, there are quite a lot of similarities here with the dynamics of the Animal realm and Gensokyo. That's not even mentioning the fact that in both places we have at least 3 different parties fighting over control of the humans, whether it be animal spirits or Youkai. Hell, this race for power in Gensokyo is a plot point in Lotus Eaters and Forbidden Scrollery, so it's not like this is a new concept for the series to explore either.
There's also something to be said about how Keiki and the technology she brings with her are seen as a threat to the order of the animal realm. Throughout human history, humanity's creativity and ingenuity have always been major factors in our survival as a species. We created tools to use the nature around us and make it work to our advantage, we created weapons to more efficiently hunt and find food to survive, and we created art and literature to document our histories and make sense of the world. Going back to 17, Keiki is the epitome of humanity's evolution and creativity and she is the one who responded to the human's cries for salvation. Another thing to think about is that in Gensokyo, the best the villagers are going to get in terms of technology are old computers that are very limited in their use, and even then barely anyone will have any idea how to use them. The reason that Gensokyo even exists in the first place is to preserve the Youkai and Gods that would become forgotten by humanity's technological advancement. In both of these places, technological advancement is seen as a threat to the natural order and must be suppressed at all costs.
Of course in Gensokyo it isn't as extreme as the animal realm. The Kappa, the Tengu, and even gods like Kanako are all quite technologically advanced and/or are introducing new technologies to Gensokyo (those are just the ones I could list off the top of my head, but please tell me if there are more that I forgot). But here's the interesting thing, notice how none of the examples I listed there were humans. The only way for the humans of Gensokyo to have these technologies introduced to them is if the powers that be, nature, let them have those technologies. Going back to the animal realm, even after Keiki is defeated we can see that the beast spirits are still using the technologies she (most likely) introduced, i.e. that one chapter in Lotus Eaters where one of the otter spirits introduced what is essentially a GameBoy to the Kappa and Nitori saying stuff like, "oh yeah the animal realm is actually pretty technologically advanced nowadays" as well as that one story in CoLA where Ran and Yachie deal with the AI Sumireko made. Once again, the only times when the use of technology goes unprotested in this series are when it's kept out of the hands of humans and back into the hands of nature. Even when humans are able to fight back and create their own technology, nature will always win in the end, no matter how hard humanity tries to defeat it. The way Touhou 17 ends is indicative of this, with Keiki being defeated and the Animal Realm returning to it's status quo.
However, Gensokyo has never had this kind of issue before.... or so it may seem. Yes there's never been any technological uprising by the human villagers and with the way things are there most likely never will be, but when you take away the potential for technological advancement from humans then the next best thing would be magic. And when humans in Gensokyo use magic to find a way to gain power and be more than just fodder for the Youkai, they end up being punished. This is most prevalent in Forbidden Scrollery when Reimu kills the fortune teller. I don't think I need to go too in depth about this moment since I already did so in my Forbidden Scrollery review but this once again shows a parallel between Gensokyo and the Animal Realm.
So what am I trying to say with all of this? I've been bringing up a lot of the similarities that these two places have but similarities can just be chalked up to coincidences that don't mean anything. What I've been trying to say with this whole thing is that the Animal Realm represents an extreme version of Gensokyo, one where every ugly aspect of it is dialed up to 11 and the law of the strong eating the weak rules all. It's a Gensokyo without a spell card system to level the playing field. I do want to say that I don't believe Gensokyo is a grimdark setting, sure some parts about it are bleaker than others, but there are also many good aspects of Gensokyo that I feel like I should bring up. It's a safe-haven for the forgotten, and if we continue viewing the Youkai and Gods from the lens of both of them being allegories for nature, Gensokyo is a place where nature can fluorish outside of humanity's hands. Unlike the Animal Realm, Gensokyo was never established with the intentions of harming people. Nature is both beautiful and terrifying, and where Gensokyo displays the beautiful sides of nature, the Animal Realm displays all the ugly sides of it. Even then, there is some overlap between the two, Gensokyo does have a nastier side to it and the Animal Realm is a place where nature can exist unrestrained by humanity (even if the place is still a shitshow overall). Now that I think about it, this sort of duality between the two realms is kinda fitting for Touhou, and I can't stress enough that when I say that Gensokyo and the Animal Realm have some parallels I am not trying to say Gensokyo is a grimdark dystopia. Hell even going back into the Lotus Eaters manga, the otter spirit that escaped from the Animal Realm even said that Gensokyo was a better place to live.
So yeah, I don't really have any good way to end this aside from saying happy 5 year anniversary Touhou 17. You are a flawed game but god do I still love you. Oh yeah, and if there's anything I missed or any mistakes I made, please correct me/let me know.
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lrgcarter · 8 months ago
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So, lots to say about the Cass review, all of which is being said by people more qualified than me.
However, there was one thing I wanted to raise. It's the least of the review's problems in the grand scheme of things, but it has sparked a new Bigot Behaviour you might want to content screen for.
The Cass review says that while some gender is learnt socially, some of it is genetic. Apparently this includes the sort of toys kids play with.
I have seen this lead to multiple bigots linking to a news piece about some chimps who were given toys to play with. Apparently the male chimps enjoyed playing with trucks and the female chimps enjoyed playing with soft toys/dolls.
My disability means I haven't yet had a chance to follow the news piece links to the actual source. But even the news piece quotes the toy givers as saying something akin to 'This doesn't show male chimps are instinctively drawn to trucks. Maybe they preferred the colours or moving parts. Maybe the female chimps just really liked the colour or textures of the soft toys' [paraphrased].
The bigots, however, have pointed past this and said "See! Boys like masculine trucks and girls like feminine dolls!! Cause of their male slash female genes!!!It's just science!!!!"
Now, I know you can all see this is absolute crap. Evolutionary psychology always is.
But I want to highlight three points that I need to get out of my brain before it explodes.
1) I'm a big believer in the principle that palaeoarchaeologists don't have "The Earliest" anything. Earliest fossil showing X feature? Earliest tool of a particular type? No, whichever one we have found, there will be some earlier one that didn't survive or we haven't found yet. Time-Resolution is just hazy like that.
At the same time.
I'm going out on a limb to contradict this principle by saying …
The most recent common ancestor of humans and chimps did not have trucks. I really don't believe we'll be finding evidence that trucks had been invented at that point of time.
Therefore, chimps and humans can't share a "Boys play with trucks" gene from this common ancestor. Even if it existed (which it doesn't) it would at best be a case of convergent evolution.
2) Even if there is gendered play in chimp kids (which is perfectly possible but I suspect is more complicated than "boys like trucks")
Even if there is gendered play in chimp kids, that doesn't mean it's proof of genetic as opposed to socially taught behaviour, because,
get this …
Chimps also learn through social taught behaviour! Loads of animals do!! Different ape species are known to have different social rules!!! So it still doesn't prove there's a "Boys like trucks" gene.
and 3)
3)
And I can't stress this enough …
Humans are not chimps!!!!!
Like, fuck me, a really key point of evolution is that biological features change over time. That's a really basic part of it. So, even if our common ancestor with chimps did have this "boys like trucks" gene, there is no reason to assume we've still got it.
Like, seriously, we're in Jordan Peterson Lobsters Are The Platonic Society territory here.
With these three points, I've given this Bigot Behaviour waaaay more credit than it deserves. As I say, I just needed this out of my brain.
I realise I've only scratched the surface here. And I admit I might be misrepresenting the original research, having only read a piece of press coverage. I'm hoping to do a bit more research into this once I'm in a healthier state.
I also realise that my own phrasing above is sloppy and facetious. I'm venting, not polishing a scholarly essay. Once I've read up on the actual research, I will have more cogent things to say.
But,
At the same time, I realise I'm already falling into the trap of spending too much time arguing something that the bigots said in seconds and that they don't actually care about.
But some people might genuinely be swayed by the idea of monkey science and what it says about us as humans.
Please don't fall for it. It's just not how anything works.
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oneinathousand · 1 year ago
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I'm halfway through Gravedale High and I think I get the gist of it, so here are my random thoughts about it:
Of all the celebrity cartoons, this is one of them. Joking aside, this probably is legitimately one of the better ones from this time period. I am not distracted by Rick Moranis's presence, and I'm glad he's not going full nerd as in his usual typecasting. I keep expecting to see a Ghostbusters or Little Shop of Horrors reference, since this show sure does love its pop culture references, but so far, they've had the restraint not to do it in a direct way except for one of the background characters in one episode looking like a terror dog, but that could be a coincidence. I guess I'll find out eventually if they actually do make a reference.
I can't watch a lot of it in one sitting because if I try, I know I'll be filled with homicidal rage at all the constant catchphrases and verbal tics and schticks that every character has.
Gotta love how the creativity of the main cast ranges from "Personifying the trope of zombies as commentaries for consumerism with a wealth-obsessed, literal mall zombie" to "what if creature from the black lagoon but surfer".
J.P. doesn't seem to be any kind of monster in particular, Peter Lorre parodies are just their own Halloween species lol
Vinnie may be the Fonz as a teenage vampire, but it was very big-brained of whoever the character designer was to give him black nail polish in 1989-90. For all this show's problems, the character design for the most part is not one of them, even with how dated many of them are fashion-wise they're still very charming.
Sure, I ship Vinnie and Reggie. Before I watched this show, I assumed it was just typical shipping of best friend characters, but when I got to the famous ear-scratching scene from episode four, I was like "yeah okay I can see where they're coming from".
Of the main cast, Sid is probably my favorite because everything about him is so hilariously dated above all the rest, which is saying something: The rapping, the baseball cap, the pattern on his shirt, the random impressions... he's so lame that he circles back around to being funny. And apart from the irony, an invisible kid becoming a class clown so people won't ignore him anymore is one of the more genuinely creative concepts here.
Oh, but speaking of Sid, who's voiced by Maurice LaMarche... It was pretty awkward to watch Sid whenever he talked about his dreams to become a stand-up comedian, knowing what I know about what happened with LaMarche's own desire to rise up in the stand-up world on the same month that Gravedale High coincidentally premiered in. I don't know if this is common knowledge, but I won't go into it here because this post is supposed to be about a silly cartoon. If you're curious and can handle emotional matters, go read about it on his Wikipedia page under the Career section and see the events leading up to him becoming a full-time voice actor after September 1990.
Anyway, this is one of those cartoons where you can see a lot of potential, but since this came before or at the same time as other more ground-breaking cartoons like Ren and Stimpy or Tiny Toons, you get the feeling Gravedale is still shackled by 80's cartoon trappings despite its occasional dark jokes and pop culture references. If I were to make a new version, with or without Moranis, I would go for something a little edgy to make it stand out from Monster High and other shows of its ilk, do for horror what Clone High does for teen shows, either in a PG or TV-14 way.
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concerningwolves · 1 year ago
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There's a post I can't find now that was expressing frustration that a lot of writing advice on writeblr (don't edit as you write, try switching POV for a scene if it's not working, only write the dialogue/only write the action, etc.) is for first drafts and not subsequent drafts. And I do agree, at least in part; a lot of writeblr is focused on how to, y'know, write the story.
It did make me think, though, and what I thought was this: ogres are like onions.
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Or, more accurately: stories are like onions (and ogres?), because they have layers, too.
Writers who use the drafting method write drafts, and with each draft, the story gains more layers (layers of meaning, plot coherency, more cohesive ideas, etc). By draft four or five, a story has enough layers that it looks both pretty and structurally sound. Ideally, the only changes you'd need to make at this point are upper-layer, superficial ones – reshuffle some paragraphs, cut some excess scene padding, smooth out some awkward prose. Maybe rewrite or reposition a couple of scenes. Mostly though, the story feels fixed in place and is semi-polished, which is often the biggest obstacle preventing a writer from solving a problem.
Early drafts typically come out kind of wonky and unstable, their component ideas still sludgy from the primordial creative soup. Writing them can feel like sticky, awkward work – but it's also when the ideas flow most freely! The prospect of going back into that sludge might suck, especially if you've already started to see the final version of your story take solid shape, but it might also be the answer to the problem. Sometimes you have to peel back the pretty layers to look at the uglier structure beneath to see what isn't working. Other times, you need to be more hands-on and pretend you're still in the primordial creative soup to get the brain gears properly lubricated again.
Digital art also has layers. Some artists start with a rough sketch, others with blocks of colour. As the layers build up, so does the picture, but every now and then there'll be something about the picture that just isn't right. If the problem is in the sketchy early layers, the usual options are to either a) go back down to that layer and fix it there, then correct the upper layers to match or b) start again, this time learning from the mistakes made before. If something isn't working for me when I'm doing a digital painting, I'll also sometimes open a fresh canvas and mess around with the same concept in different variations as if I'm starting from scratch, then return to the original piece and use whatever I learned to fix it. So long as I don't prematurely flatten the layers, I've got plenty of wiggle room to figure things out in.
So, yes, some writing advice is only going to work for specific stages of story-making. But also, the creative process is a dynamic one, and no part of a story needs to be set in stone until all the layers have been flattened into their final form, ready for sharing with other people.
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brucenorris007 · 8 months ago
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"Sonic 06: gameplay is shit, story is shit."
Okay, I somewhat disagree but don't see the need to expend energy toward-
*comparison between 06 and Forces is drawn*
My brain: heyguesswhatyou'rehyperfocusednow
I was going to do things today. . . but here we are.
Okay, up top and up front: 06 and Forces are both flawed, yes.
But they are flawed in fundamentally different ways, and Forces flaws are, quite frankly, far more glaring and demeritorious for a franchise like Sonic than 06. Anyone who, years from now, goes on to claim that "Uh, actually, Forces was peak." the way that some people are saying about 06 now will be just as, if not more, wrong. And I'll attribute such claims to declining media literacy.
BEFORE the youngsters in the fandom start throwing things at me, note that I said just as wrong. 06 wasn't ever as good as some of the mainline games prior or even spinoff titles after.
The difference is, most of 06's issues stem from the fact that it reads as pitiably unfinished.
The problems with Forces begin and end with the fact that it reads like self-insert fan fiction that had either zero beta readers or too many beta readers that were all given editing privileges. There's definitely a place in the world for that sort of creativity, but said place is not within a licensed game that people have to pay for; one that drastically affects the canon of the franchise and how the fans old and new perceive it and the characters within.
All right? Okay, let's get into details.
Let's address gameplay first, since I have less to say about that.
On this count, if nothing else, Forces barely edges out by being functional; granted, that's the end of it. I wouldn't go back to play it again, and the 'highlights' I can recall mostly felt like reskins of stages in the style of Colors but shortened, with boss fights reminiscent of daytime Unleashed. I imagine the primary draw for people is watching their customized 'sona jump and fly around whilst listening to dialogue from the main cast.
And this isn't really a substantive point, but the fact that receiving stuff like outfits like loot crates at the end of virtually every stage feels kind of manipulative and annoys me. If there's unlockable features, put some actual challenge between the player and the prize, like how you perform within the stage. Otherwise it's just another example of "shiny, novelty, tickle brain often, get player to play longer."
Setting that brief tangent aside since that's just a trend in games in general and not Sonic specific, moving on to 06's gameplay. And uh, yeah. The USP was, like the adventure games, supposed to be that you got three interconnected stories and three main characters each with unique play styles.
I suppose 06 showed us before anything else that Shadow really isn't as fast as Sonic, and as an idea, Silver's psychokinesis was cool. If the tracking in the Speed Up stages and the hit boxes in a handful of other areas had been ironed out, there's foundation for a fairly solid experience. Project 06 is basically proof that the base of the game had potential that wasn't realized, whether due to time constraints or other reasons.
As far as environs, the concept for Kingdom Valley showed off the most soul, I'd say, with Silver's future coming in close second. Character design for the Iblis fragments (not sure if that's the official name but I'm doing stream-of-consciousness here) and Mephiles I actually like a lot. I don't think there's anything objectively wrong with them and however you rate them will come down to preference.
Also, the model for Sonic is like. . . ridiculously good. He just looks like an older teenager; it fits with the widely accepted idea that he was 15 as of Adventure 2. Polish it a bit and that's just how he appears in my head when I write about him.
That said, there are only about six different environs that serve as stages, discounting the hub areas, and compared to Heroes' twelve stages, it just adds to that incomplete/rushed feeling.
That's about all I can say on the gameplay aspect. Functional yet non-stimulating technically wins out over some creativity yet patchy. They are games, after all.
Now then, the "story is shit" business.
Look, if you're going to criticize Sonic's story—which, yeah, his should be subjected to more scrutiny, being the titular character—then much of what you can say against it also applies to the first Adventure. Eggman wants to collect a thing (emeralds/Princess), Sonic wants him to not collect the thing (emeralds/Princess) because he's obviously planning to do evil stuff with the thing, Sonic manages to get the thing only for Eggman to snatch it out of his hands.
Multiple times.
Meaning Sonic spends most of the games on fetch quests that Eggman keeps one-upping him on until the penultimate fight.
And those are the beats. Of both stories. (For Sonic.)
And then at the end of both games, a monster you've fought in various forms (Chaos/Iblis) reappears to threaten the world on a scale that requires the seven chaos emeralds to combat.
Super Sonic. Rad soundtrack. Credits.
Granted, much like how Gamma's story was the strongest in Adventure, the quality of the three main story lines in 06 also vary in strength, with Shadow's taking first place.
My point is, in a franchise that is about characters, you don't grade every aspect of the story on the same scale. You weigh the grade of various aspects differently; and the point that gets graded most heavily is:
Character moments; which can encapsulate literal moments, arcs, development etc.
And for all its flaws, 06 has character moments, almost immediately, even. Sonic's first spoken line is "My, that's a pretty snazzy performance there!"
Which, after the tension of Eggman interrupting the festival and threatening Elise, cuts through the moment right away and, paired with the next several seconds, shows who Sonic is. He sees Eggman's robots aiming and waits until the last second to jump before going to town bashing up bots. Even as he carts Elise off amidst homing missiles and explosions, he's grinning the whole time.
Sonic does what he does because it's fun.
And his third spoken line, answering Elise's question of why he's helping, is: "No special reason."
Again, that's Sonic. Doesn't matter who it is, he helps people because he Does what's Cool. And as well as being fun, fighting off Eggman and his bots is Cool.
06, as Silver's introduction to the series, also does a decent job establishing his character of Temporal Bulldozer. He can be aimed, but his solution to problems first and foremost is usually smashing, and it's really tricky to change his mind once he's focused. He suffers from myopia arguably as bad or worse than Metal Sonic. Amy's the only one who momentarily gets him to pause and wonder if really does want to kill Sonic.
Which is a character moment for her. As in Adventure 2, Amy will happily break laws and go against who and whatever to help her friends; and as she did with Shadow, she's rather skilled at getting very hurt people to listen.
She's not unlike Silver in her willingness to do whatever it takes, really; since Temporal Bulldozer can and does traverse time on several occasions to make things right. And up until the last moment, it never occurs to him that anyone but he should bear the burden of saving the world. Blaze has to physically shove him aside so she can absorb Iblis herself.
Silver sees himself as a Hero with a responsibility toward the future just as much Sonic sees himself as just Some Guy.
Finally, Shadow. And man, there's a reason a lot of people say 06 was the last time a game featured Shadow written correctly.
It's me. I'm one of a lot of people.
Team Dark in general gets a fair bit of spotlight in 06. Rouge, an anti-heroine with perhaps the greatest self-interest after Eggman, promises Shadow that she'd stand with him even if the very world turned against him. Omega, who loathes taking orders and prioritizes his own freedom nearly as much as Sonic, takes on Rouge's assignment for him without question or complaint to wait out 200 years to help rescue Shadow.
And Shadow, in an in-game line during his first fight with Mephiles, reaffirms all the progress he made in his titular game that was wholly about discovering his identity: "Don't bother trying to deceive me. I know who I am!"
And, in contrast to the Shadow the franchise first introduced us to, the Shadow of Adventure 2 who was thoroughly convinced that his only remaining worth was his ability to keep his promise to Maria, the Shadow who was so resigned that he chose to plummet through the planet's atmosphere to his presumed death. . .
That Shadow is faced squarely with his fate of persecution, asked why he would bother fighting to protect. That Shadow declares that it the world turns on him, "I will fight as I always have."
He's grown such that he's now willing to fight against fate.
And that's pretty fucking cool.
On the other side, applying the same grading method to Forces, we find what I call (as of just now) character fauxments.
Remember how I talked about 06's introduction for Sonic? How he cuts through tensions, finds joy and fun in fighting bullies and bad guys?
The thing about that, which Forces doesn't seem to understand, is that if you lean too hard on the wisecracks and nonchalance, you end up with a character who reads as either obnoxious or totally tone-deaf. Sonic knows when to take things seriously, yet in Forces he's purportedly been tortured as well as locked up for half a year, Infinite's destroyed countless homes and killed who knows how many people, and yet when Sonic interrupts his fight with Silver. . .
I mean, if Sonic was written correct, you'd cut out a bunch of faff and change his line delivery. Show that he's frustrated by his time confined and absolutely raring to throw hands and get to business; because Sonic does understand when things have gotten real, and while rare, he does get angry. Something like:
"Since you like talking so much, mind sharing the source of your power? I can ask the easy way or the hard way. I've been cooped up a long time, so I'm hoping you pick the hard way."
It doesn't need to be the most original lines in the world, but Sonic's banter in the middle of a war shouldn't be long-winded, no matter how pretentious his opponent is (and damn, is Infinite pretentious. Like to the point that it's the most memorable part of the game.) If there's banter, it should be punchy and succinct; quick, like he is.
Instead, Forces Sonic's attitude is just kind of. . . incongruous with the stakes the game claims to have established. But then, since we don't get a truly convincing scene showing the rest of the cast being sad that he reportedly died, that's not too surprising.
Speaking of setting up stakes, here's an idea. Rather than cutting from Sonic laying battered in the middle of the city for a lazy six-month time skip established by text on the screen, make it clear that "Oh shit, things are different" via gameplay.
After Sonic falls, immediately transition into a level. Where you run from right to left to escape Eggman's fleet. Turns everything on its head, you can witness and navigate the destruction as it's happening and if you string together enough environs, you can even have the city burning in the distance or the skyline as you near the end of the stage and escape to relative safety.
Anyway.
And of course, the notorious character fauxment: Tails cowering in front of an offline Omega.
There's nothing I can say about this fauxment that hasn't been said already. It's not the first time in the series that Tails was portrayed as having regressed to a scared child, but it is the most egregious.
And. . . actually, that's about it, at least off the top of my head. Which might speak to how short the game is and how little screen time and action the main cast get aside from Sonic and the player character.
But it's enough to determine that Forces' story, or what stands in for it, is weaker than what 06 offered.
Again, I'm not here to rally a feral defense of 06 as a masterpiece, but its flaws are not on the level of Forces. The reason they're lumped together is the amount of disdain both games got on their release; though in the case of 06, the 2000's were just a weird time when hating things was somehow cooler than liking them, and since 06 wasn't up to par with Adventure 2 or Heroes, people picked an aspect of the game-most often how much the almost final fantasy style model for Elise didn't match up with the Mobian models (and yes, the final cutscene, but there's nothing new I can say about that either, and talking about it here is just an open invitation for someone to blow it out of proportion again) and dogpiled the hate on the game.
Sonic 06 feels unfinished owing to a lot of little and larger details. Knuckles' portrayal and having little to do in the story, poor optimization leading to nearly twenty second loading times, BLAZE BEING A GLOWING NEON MISSED OPPORTUNITY! (SEGA, I know I was literally twelve when the game was released, but my Phoenix headcanon works so well and makes her appearance in both Rush and 06 work! A retroactive fix would be so easy and we could get more adventures in her dimension!)
Even acknowledging all that, though, there were still attempts at creativity that just, for one reason or another, didn't pan out. There's significant potential here.
Forces is just. . . a mess. In every sense. And I understand how a mess can be attractive to a fandom, because a mess means you can take whatever you want from it and organize things however you choose.
But a mess that's sold as a finished game is not the same as a rushed title with visible untapped potential.
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oceansprompts · 6 months ago
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Daredevil: Cutting Edge Quote Starters 2
quotes taken from the Marvel novel, Daredevil: The Cutting Edge (1999) by Madeleine E. Robins // adjust pronouns and lines as needed.
I'm just a business woman, I don't need the trouble...
I don't want to cause trouble. Maybe you could ask your patrons to cooperate?
Why do the bad guys go to the same bar?
Anyone got anything they want to share with the class?
Are you just a discipline problem in the making, or do you have something useful to contribute?
Naughty, naughty.
Look, I'm not in here looking for you, so why don't you just stop being an idiot.
Keep those ears to the ground.
You never know when Imight take it into my head to come back again.
No breakage, this time. They're learning.
No one knows anything! Least of all me!
That, I'll never believe. You always have the latest word.
A little judicious flattery can work wonders.
He's got no gig, he's a flipping wild card.
You're all flipping wild cards. That's partof your charm.
You'd think you and your playmates would be all over yourselves trying to help.
I don't like lawyers!
He gets like you out of jail after guys like me have put them away.
Call any hour of the day or night.
Don't throw the card away, I'll know.
Bad move, bringing this into my neighborhood.
You don't get to hurt one of my people and walk away.
Wherever you are, whoever you are, this ends.
It's hard to tell over the phone.
Don't worry, I have a lot of practice finding chairs.
Your face, are you okay?
This? I walked into a door. Nothing to worry about.
Okay, hero, play brave, competent, [disabled] person.
What's going on here? Keep your mind on the problms at hand.
That would be none of his business, now, wouldn't it?
I suppose the supply of peetty criminals has to come from somewhere.
If I get distracted by this now, it won't help anyone.
The smell is killing us, I can imagine what it's doing to you.
Nah, just stands to reason. Besides, you told me so yesterday.
The paint fumes are eating my brain cells. D'you think I have case if I sue?
Geez, most big-money people think that, but they won't say it out loud ⸺
It's hardly likely she'd be an humanitarian.
That guy is a piece of work, you're going to love this!
Oh, I already do, but make me love him more.
He sounds like the kind of guy who pulled the wings off butterflies and tortured puppy dogs.
Basically, your overprivileged sociopath.
I wasn't always the polished gem you see now.
He has the business ethics of a piranha.
Judiciously applied, the business ethics of a piranha can be very useful.
Time to use my power for good.
Make it good, boyo.
Hey, we're working on it.
In other words, hurry up and forget it!
Yer just jealous 'cause the department didn't issue you any tights!
Look, you cannot say or think anything nastier about those S.O.B.s than I have myself but that's not constuctive.
If you like it hot, but I gotta say, man, you oughtta use a little caution.
Could'a been a flippin' army on your tail, man, and you'd'a never known it 'til it was too late.
I'm touched by your concern, but I promise you I'm well armed.
It wouldn'ta done you any good for me to get taken in for questioning.
Nah. Onee of those Irish names. Shee-vahn.
It's frightening to have a madman on the loose.
Well, the only thing to do wwith a bully and a coward is face him straight on!
Now it's time for bed, close your weary eyes and dream of me.
You get to do this every night?
You're a darling, but I'm too tired to argue about it.
In five minutes, I'll be laughing at myself for an hysterical fool, and brushing my teeth and falling into bed.
In this weather? He must be so hot!
This is where I'm going to die.
I have to remember every detail. If I live, I'll tell someone his eyes are blue. If I live.
You have great bone structure.
My job isn't to punish, but, where the hell is he?
Well, look. The neighborhood avenger. Come on, you wanna play?
Can't aim for flesh, connect with the knife, disarm him. Then you can take him out.
Isn't as much fun when you're picking on someone your own size, is it?
Spread the word, sweetheart.
I couldn't... fight him...
You stayed alive, you did the right thing.
Bullies... never give in to... bullies.
You didn't give in, you were very brave.
You did good, remember that.
Oh my, really bad night.
I don't deserve you.
You roll in here looking like someone shot your dog, so I figure I can be self-absorbed and ill-tempered some other morning.
Oh, my god. Oh, god, how badly was she hurt?
It's my fault, I knew it was a mistake, oh my god.
My god, it must have been like waving a red flag at him.
Listen, sweetheart, whatever you did, it's not your fault.
If anyone's to blame, it' me.
She's one of the most arrogant, self-serving, insincere women I've ever met.
Physically, she made me feel like running in circles and baaying at the moon.
Mentally, I wanted to pitch her out the window.
That was the effect she had on me, physically.
Maybe that blow to the head I took the other night?
I've got tickets for Turandot tonight at the Met. Will you be my guest?
Voice-mail. Curse or blessing?
I find I'm old-fashioned enough to prefer talking to a live humaan being.
Old-fashioned is the last word I would apply to you.
Well, maybe old-fashioned in the right ways.
I can't tell you how much I look forward to evening. Seven o'clock.
Hey, counselor. Time to get up. You have places to go and things to do, yes?
Lies. All lies.
I don't think they're ever leaving. I think they like it here.
It's air conditioned, the coffee's free, they get to point and laugh at the poor people trying to work.
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troublemakingrebel · 8 months ago
Text
Fanfic Tag Game
Ayyy, @krankittoeleven, thanks for tagging! Love these little lists!
1. How many fics do you have on AO3?
34! (I used to write in two languages, but for this game i count only the English ones)
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
295,814... (~1.5 times more words than "Fellowship of the Ring" by JRR Tolkien *sweating*)
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Totally obsessed with Assassin's Creed (Valhalla in particular), but also have some WIPs for Cyberpunk 2077.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Right Behind You (Witcher 3), a piece about epic friendship & love between Geralt of Rivia and the absolute husband material Emiel Regis
10 years apart, no more (AC Valhalla), a fix-it for the fLicKEriNg flame nonsense (if you know you know...)
Shall We? (AC Syndicate), another fix-it that makes Maxwell Roth survive the fire as there's no fire at all
The Truth (The Wolf Among Us), about shaky relationship between the Big Bad Wolf and the Woodsman (i'm so surprised it made it to the top-5!!)
In the Belly of the Beast (AC Valhalla), about Ivarr Ragnarsson eating the forbidden Saxon fruit while no one is watching hehe
5. Do you respond to comments?
Of course! Can't leave them hanging there in silence!
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Usually, I don't do sad endings, but the most bitter-sweet one is Pebble (Dragon Age: Inquisition) about a kossith who cuts his massive horns off to look more like a human so he could follow his lover to the city where kossith race isn't welcome :c Although I don't think his lover would let him go there anyway......
7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Haha every other one :D But Sun, Rum and Gunpowder (AC Black Flag) has the happiest and the most carefree vibes whatsoever!
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Not on the fics, but the ships! I just delete those because why is it an author's problem suddenly that some people don't know how filters work??
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Oh, I sure do ;> It's not extremely explicit (no holes in sight, but dicks and balls can be spotted) and is mostly focused on emotions and dialogues.
10. Do you write crossovers?
Nope, but I write AUs sometimes to spice things up! Modern days AUs are the bane of my existence, and still... somehow... I keep making them...
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
No, but I noticed my lines and phrases in the stories of fellow writers. I appreciate it!!
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yeah!! Out of all possible fics, it was The Remnants of a Ruined Past, a Mad Max (the game!) story translated into Polish. Love it lots!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic?
Never as i am incapable to work in groups haha. I did some challenges though, such as picking a theme and writing something small with a fren to compare the results later. It's very fun and helps to keep your brain gears spinning!
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Like, the one and only ship that I could bring along if I was stuck on a desert island? Or the one I don't even write for anymore but carry in my heart daily? The former would be Hawke x Varric (Dragon Age 2) because they're a comfort ship with many possibilities for plots. The latter is Ezio x Leonardo (AC II + Brotherhood + Revelations) and Arthur x Eames (Inception) because they started it all hehe.
15. What’s a fic you’d like to finish but don’t think you ever will?
It's a compilation of drabbles written for a very niche CGI Resident Evil movie (Damnation) & very rare pair that i was planning to continue for as long as the planet keeps spinning, but got overwhelmed with the amount of ideas I had in mind :c
16. What are your writing strengths?
Humor and dialogues!
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Everything el– 🥲 Deep character studies, believable politics and fights.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?
A big yes from me, it ads depth and character when used correctly. Also, it's very interesting to keep an evening reading about the language you're planning to use, even it's for a few simple words.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
It was an attempt to mimic Marie Corelli and write a ficlet for her novel "The Sorrows of Satan". And then Assassin's Creed took my soul and I've never seen it since! Kinda ironic, huh...
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
I'm gonna cheat bc I'm quite proud about Beautiful Decline, a series of four fics written for Assassin's Creed Valhalla. It's an enormous project that was never meant to break out from its confinements and produce three more stories lmao.
Tagging @firefly-partyn and @krankittoeleven if you wanna join!
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qoldenskies · 2 months ago
Note
Taking a break from homework to ask 11, 12, and 30 from that ask game you reblogged (I’m super super interested in the way other people go about writing their fics lolol 🙏)
YIPPEEEEE
11. Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around?
truthfully it kind of depends! whenever i write i tend to have The Scene in mind and if i get impatient i'll usually write it, but i try to avoid doing it because i notice it messes with flow (but flow and pacing is something im just very conscious of, even though i observe that because im writing it my brain is reading it faster/skimming so its partially a me problem LOL)
in caged lungs im skipping around only because im trying to go with a draft format instead of editing as i go, since its so long itll help when i see everything connected, and there's a few scenes i plan on changing/rewriting completely when i get it all out. technically everything ive posted up to this point is a first draft, and its a habit i hope to break !!
12. Do you outline your fics? If yes, how detailed are your outlines?  How far do you stray from them?
i doooo yes, its mostly just a list of things/interactions i know i want. for cvd i have plans for up to chapter 9/10 or so, and just a bunch of scripts/concepts for later. with canary continuity i have a description for each scene on the google doc and i just add the content in as i go, with my actual notepad (thing i discovered i had on my laptop and have been using liberally) i mostly have quotes and passages i want to put in the story
and also for cc in particular im keeping really close track of the motifs and how i want to work them back around. already thinking about the healing part of the arc and implanting scenes/chekhovs guns that are going to loop back around WAY down the line is very funny... i actually do some of this for cvd too, i love to write intentionally like that.... i am weirdly pretentious and earnest about my turtle fanfiction. people have no idea what im going to do with that lamp and i bide my time. also the clocks. and the laundry room. and the ocean (actually that one's fine its just a parallel). and the rooftop. and the cameras oh my god the cameras. i plan on committing so many horrors
really just things i know i WANT to be consistent with is the biggest thing i keep track of (although sometimes things will just pop up AS i'm writing and i roll with the punches, like the security system being a metaphor in coming undone, and also all of the very intentional trust fall parallels and the way it conveniently worked with the chapter names. fun fact for metaphors, i REALLY planned to expand on the chess thing between leo and donnie but it messed with the pacing so im keeping it for cvd.... ive got some ideas)
OH EXCEPT FOR THAT SEP AU IVE VAGUELY TALKED ABOUT. i have EVERY SINGLE chapter plotted out, its 52 chapters long. i am NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW its a far in the future thing. but its also the only au i have that isnt like,,, specifically canon divergent, so i wanted to pay close attention to how i set things up. 4 later (currently the working name for it is where we went wrong, after the song by the hush sound, and honestly im tempted to keep it because it makes the acronym wwww which is beautifully ironic because they take NOTHING BUT LS ITS JUST ONE AFTER ANOTHER OH MY GOD)
30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?
OH I KIND OF ALREADY ANSWERED THIS ABOVE OOPS. im trying to break out of the habit but i mostly just grammar correct through google docs and then throw out the first draft haphazardly, and it can kinda come off polished anyway because i tend to edit as i go. sometimes it means i'll fix mistakes in fics like a month after releasing them, impatience is my Weakness
wow i yap a lot LMFAO the yapperrrr
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pluck-heartstrings · 4 months ago
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Here I be, tainting you're robot fic tumblr with *other* robot fic because I can not understate that even if I'm not sure where it stands, Behavioral Patterns would easily be in my top ten list of top fave fics of all time. I forgot how much it absolutely consumes me. I've got this internal image of all this rumbling and crooning probably looks normal to Shrike's robot brain but sounds like a chainsaw with autotune to a human. Shrike crying is just dialup screams as their sub programs try to connect to guardianship programming manually. The blankets look and feel soft to them but its straight up chainmaiI. think about Optimus being the only crazy one in the room for once because the Matrix can not handle parental protocols and has him running at 1000% caveman efficiency and how like, Bots who arent organic life fans are looking at the Human happy autobots treating human kids a lot like they do sparklings (looking at you optimus and your preteen sidekicks) and on top of a big old piece of "dredges of cultural ptsd from the quintessons" the Autobots probably look like those folks who are fighting with their parents over "treating their grandchildren right" and said grandkid it's a mostly hairless and toothless chihuahua. Like activating guardianship protocols over shortlived ugly little organic creatures probably isnt a great look.
I screamed when Megateon first showed up. I'm a Prime and Beastwars baby with a smidge of Bumblebee movie but I love me a complex megatron and I had no idea what Earthpark Megatron is like. BIG SOFT UNCLE! I love throwing Shrike at the Prime verse decepticons. A bunch of big eyed, freaked out, hackles raised giants who dont dare to move because they might hurt the tiny little thing using them all as a jungle gym and sounds like a wind chime their armour is so thin
Knockout: children are disgusting. You are disgusting. Come let me polish you in protest
Shrike with a grinch grin who is a little shit: new pranking favorite
Soundwave: hold up I got kid experience with my gestalts and stay inside all day they should stay with me
Shrike: New Pranking fave
Megatron: just keep the pathetic weak little thing out of my (vastley uncomfortable with this) sights and away from like, dangerous shit. But dont let it leave I wanna rub this in Optimus' face
Shrike: LEMME HELP OR NEW PRANKING FAVE
Miko: hey what's your problem with autobots? They rule and decepticons drool
Shrike: (vents about Optimus and lack of freedom)
Miko: hold up. (Busts through Autobot base door holding a wrench) "HEY! EVERYSINGLE ONE OF YOU! COME GET YOUR LUMPS ALSO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?"
I think about the future and if Shrike ever gets siblings. I think about them being spoiled rotton and becoming just the most conceited, egomaniac but still not as bad as Starscream. They are the "but I'm baby" meme in metal flesh. I think about millennia down the road, cities rebuilt and the last vestiges of neutral parties coaxed home. Maybe they are suprised afterall in hidden seekers in the stars. And a Shrike the little royal baby in the crystal city.
I think about that big dumb medic being big dumb and far, far to old for kids finally giving Shrike cousins. I think about Elita one definitly being the favorite auntie and it driving Starscream up the wall.
I think about what would have happened if Thundercracker had noticed them a few moments later in the battle and they had gotten to the hatch? Thundercracker trying to coax them out as the world explodes around them. Maybe the trine and kid dont make it to the ship at all and are stuck on and hunted down on earth?
I think about what if Shrike's brain had decided to wipe their human memories from the start to avoid trauma (only to trickle in as the get more comfortable as a mystery)? No doubt their relationship with Rachet would be better, and their thoughts about Prime not as strong, but the clashing personalities and field resonance would doubtless still drive them away, even if the pull to the Trine is a little less overwhelmingly onesided. More open eyed wonder and less "sounds fake but cool" in response to things.
Or maybe a world where their origional room didnt blow up? In either case they are situated with Ratchet but are drawn to the explicitly forbidden from Trine. Shrike with no memories getting to have some interactions with humans before they leave earth because *noone* knows they used to human and optimus is showing them off at a top secret level like "look at my child. Please do not interfere with our departure anymore because if the transformer masses find out we can successfully make sparklings on earth we are all going to have a bad time explaining why we cant just wipe out the comparatively juvenile and underdeveloped organics to make earth into a nursery BUT LOOK ITS A NEWBORN" (earth scientist frantically writing "does the robots have a puss puss?" In his notes) " "ok but your newborns are our size, built like a shit brickhouse, move like a chuckie cheese horror movie animatronic, and TALK" (Rachet crying) "I havent held a neonate in millennia I need you humans to understand how new they are" "you're neonates TALK... and are making some very worrying references and turns of phrases" "GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOO"
(Shrike is less than impressed)
Shrike being much more Attached to Rachet even if by Virtue of Rachet "being warmer than cold" and maybe even not being in the carriers when the battle happens but with him. (Maybe Ratchet actually realizes something is wrong since he doesnt blame the off frequencies on previously being human and doubles down on the defensiveness and worry. Optimus being in full blown denial over the flight sickness because *there can't be something wrong with the brandnew sparkling* its freshly forged. The emberstone can not make defective sparklings. Its beyond his ability to cope with) Shrike being blandly apathetic at best with their situation. Minor Autobot infighting as they all throw their hats into the guardianship ring despite Ratchet's claim. Rachet keeps trying to like, just a tiny bit passively engage the parental imprinting program but keeps being subconsciously rejected by Shrike and the series of tiny heartbreaks that causes. Shrike getting colder and more listless and duller by the day. They dont gain any colors and become less willing to engage. The Trine's plan works and they end up on ship and the autobots doing everything they can to let them *never* find out Shrike exists. Shrike finds out about them anyways and goes to explore and spends ever damn second they can scrape together alone sneaking off to bond with the Trine. DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH THIS FIC CONSUMES ME! IM FANTASIZING AU HERE
I think about G.H.O.S.T. *a lot*
I think about how they'de probably use "have overly developed and independent offspring that thrive quickley* as an excuse to categorize Transformers a life form more in line with rodents than sentice for their own gain, and that one person that might actually be touched beyond the racism seeing the care and love and obvious affection and go "but their offspring are very slow to grow and spend most of their time in intellectual pursuits and their behaviours are ticking a lot of sentient species boxes and also um they have kids, which is not a thing we thought they did in our "they are just computers and thus tools to be used" agenda?
my grimdark ass is hella focusing on G.H.O.S.T. and like, inherent tragedies they bring. And the universal need from a fandom nerd to make characters suffer. Shrike being small enough to hide in one of the Trine (probably starscream's if ghost is involved) armour if he got captured. Moving around to avoid detection like a tiny scared koala bear. *screams into pillow*
I reread and redux this fic to *death* do you know that?
Nelly I shared this with my beta and it promoted a full-blown discussion about Behavioural and our favorite parts, it means so much to me that you've read both. Behavioural was me finding my voice in writing and becoming comfortable with writing regularly. I shouldn't have been able to write PMH without Behavioural.
Now if you'll exist me I have to print out this all and read it a thousand more times
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ladyofspoons · 10 months ago
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hmmm… the thoughts…
executive dysfunction time…
got lots to do today… had plenty of time to do it when i woke up…
aaaaand all i have done is sleep and eat and scroll and play a little viddo game
but because i’ve managed to play game, and drive to get food
makes me feel that perhaps i’m not really depressed or executively dysfunctional
and perhaps
merely lazy
perhaps because i was able to do something
even if it wasn’t the thing i needed to do
but because something got done
then perhaps i could have done something else
and then maybe
i could have taken care of myself a little
done the dishes, taken a shower, brushed my teeth, put on lotion, cook, do the homework that has been sitting there waiting for me for a week now and is about to become overdue even though it’s the first assignment of the semester and it’s super easy and i could do it at any time
i could do it at any time
i could
do it at any time
but i didn’t
because i’m not really trying, evidently, then i must be unworthy to claim that i’m depressed
i don’t want to be one of those people claiming mental illness for clout or internet points or attention
but i do want attention
just, the kind of attention i want is not the kind that i need, and it feels unearned, because nothing has gotten done today
i’ve lain on the bed, and on the couch, and on the bed, and on the couch
and on the bed
and on the couch
and now here i am
back in bed
writing what might qualify as a poem, but certainly lacks any polish or flavor
it wasn’t necessary supposed to be one, a poem
just a text post
maybe something akin to a journal entry
and there’s no reason, either, for me to be feeling this way
nothing went wrong today
nothing except my brain i suppose
or did i imagine that?
for attention
as an excuse
another way out of the things i don’t want to do
i want somebody to pull me out of this, but i can’t accept their help
what have i done to earn it? i didn’t even try today, why should i ask someone else’s energy to do my tasks
and yes, my friends will probably rush to help
but i’ll never feel like i deserved it
here i am
laying in bed
cuddled up to a plush shark, covered in blankets, head resting soft on a pile of pillows
feeling alone
and cold
running out the clock, until i have to go to work
and using that obligation as an excuse for failing to make any progress whatsoever
my partner, my friends, maybe even my parents will all ask me what i did today, how i’m doing
and i’ll tell them lie to them
like i always do
“oh you know, i’m fine,” i laugh lie
“just busy,” another lie
“lots of work,” a half truth “so i couldn’t finish that schoolwork,”
that chore,”
that task,”
that thing that would help,”
that thing that you’ve been asking about for months,”
every time, a lie
or at least that’s what it feels like
but it’s second nature at this point
as natural as breathing, hell, moreso
why
i don’t want to hurt these people
even posting this will be a challenge
i know they’ll see it
and they care about me, and want to help
but if i let them solve my short term problems, the long term ones pile up
i’m so used to lying about what’s happening in my life, just to avoid disappointing the people who care about me, who have invested time and emotion and resources and love, into me
and i don’t want them to give up
to know that it’s all been a waste
to understand that while there is, something wrong with me, something broken inside that makes life just that much harder
i have a hard time noticing
amidst my own self sabotage
“i’m broken,” i lie to myself “i can’t do this as easily as everyone else,”
an illusory comfort, allowing laziness, forgiving my complacency and removing any reason to change
“i’m fine”
incapable of distinguishing lie from truth within my own mind, i tell these people
and greatest sorrow, they believe me
i tell them i’m not fine enough for them to believe it when i finally say that i am
not a single person has ever noticed
not even myself
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izzys-frantic-fanfics · 6 months ago
Text
E-R—we are—meant to be
Characters: Alexander Hamilton & Mr. Darcy
Mr darcy glared at his sister, Gorgiana had dragged him to a rap concert, it wasn't his scene, so he had brought a book and was reading in the crowd. The lights were too dim, and after trying to read without sucess he finally looked up to the stage. There he was, the lead singer his sister had told him about. Alexander hamilton. He was singing into the mic, gripping in hard with both hands, and Fitzwilliam was mesmerised. The other man's voice rang loud and clear as he rapped about some subject that darcy could not pretend to care about. Gorgiana smiled at him. "So, how do you like the music." "It's barely tolerable, but the singer is not handsome enough to tempt me" His sister laughed, turning back to the stage. This time, when Fitzwilliam gazed longingly back at the singer, the other man saw him too, with a quick movement Alexander Hamilton signalled to security. Suddenly Mr.Darcy was being escorted to the dressing room, where Alexander would retreat after the show. He could hear the show end, and Alexander
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saying his thanks to the public. Before hurried footsteps moved down the corridor to the dressing room. The door slammed open, and Alexander stared at him with wide, open eyes. "It's you!" he shouted. "Finally we meet." "Pretty sure you've got me mistaken for someone else," Fitzwilliam said, "We haven't met before." "We haven't, no, but we were destined to be with each other. I can see it all now, the colors, everywhere," Alexander took a deep breath before announcing with a bright smile. "You're my soulmate." Fitzwilliam froze for an instant, then burst out laughing. "Soulmate's? Really? Do you say this to every man you drag into your dressing room?"
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Alexander looked taken aback at Darcy's reaction. "I would never!" he protested. "I do not waste my shot. In fact, I will prove my devotion to you by composing a rap for you. Immediately", he continued. Mr. Darcy attempted to interject, to say he was not interested in a rap. Hamilton raised his hand to stop Mr Darcy and immediately began, his brown orbs set on Fitzwilliam. "I am not throwing away my shot Hey, yo, I'm just like my country I'm young, scrappy and hungry And I'm not throwing away my shot I'ma get a scholarship to King's College I prob'ly shouldn't brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish The problem is I got a lot of brains, but no polish I gotta holler just to be heard With every word, I drop knowledge I'm a diamond in the rough, a shiny piece of coal Tryin' to reach my goal, my power of speech unimpeachable Only nineteen, but my mind is older These New York City streets get colder, I shoulder Ev'ry burden, ev'ry disadvantage I have learned to manage, I don't have a gun to brandish I walk these streets famished The plan is to fan this spark into a flame But damn, it's getting dark, so let me spell out the name I am the— A-L-E-X-A-N-D E-R—we are—meant to be" Mr. Darcy was shaken. "I dare not call myself an emotional man, and yet… Your words speak to me. My doubts have been silenced. I adore you. Most ardently", he gasped as he closed the distance between the two of them, grabbed Alexander by his shoulder and pulled him into a kiss.
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fritextramole · 8 months ago
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Tumblr media Tumblr media
standing alone at the top of the stairs
part 2 of a Jenny Humphrey playlist - best heard in order
tracklist and quotes under the cut
The Anthem ~ Good Charlotte
At my high school It felt more to me Like a jail cell A penitentiary My time spent there, it only made me see That I don't ever wanna be like you I don't wanna do the things you do
Fences ~ Paramore
Don't look up, just let them think There's no place else you'd rather be You're always on display For everyone to watch and learn from Don't you know by now? You can't turn back
Are You Satisfied? ~ MARINA
High achiever, don't you see? Baby, nothing comes for free They say I'm a control freak Driven by a greed to succeed Nobody can stop me
Sometimes ~ Nick Lutsko
I cut my tongue on the rust of a silver spoon I bet my billionth bottom dollar on a hopeless case And now the devil on my shoulder has a knife to my face
Teenagers ~ My Chemical Romance
The boys and girls in the clique, the awful names that they stick You're never gonna fit in much, kid But if you're troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt Will make them pay for the things that they did
WTF Do I Know ~ Miley Cyrus
Think that I'm the problem? Honey, I'm the solution
Cherry Bomb ~ The Runaways
Can't stay at home, can't stay at school Old folks say, "You poor little fool" Down the streets I'm the girl next door I'm the fox you've been waiting for
Since You’re Gone ~ The Pretty Reckless
Since you been gone My life has moved along Quite nicely actually I've got a lot more friends And I don't have to pretend
killing boys ~ Halsey
And I'm not breakin', I won't take it And I won't ever feel this way again 'Cause you don't need me anymore, woah
Rebel Girl ~ Bikini Kill
I think I wanna take you home I wanna try on your clothes When she talks, I hear the revolution
Can’t Be Tamed ~ Miley Cyrus
I wanna fly I wanna drive I wanna go I wanna be a part of something I don't know And if you try to hold me back I might explode
Stop Me ~ Natalia Kills
Tonight we're gonna dance to the devil's drum And I need someone, need someone To stop me, stop me Stop me, stop me Stop me, stop me You can't stop me, stop me
She’s Leaving Home ~ The Beatles
She (We never thought of ourselves) Is leaving (Never a thought for ourselves) Home (We struggled hard all our lives to get by) She's leaving home after living alone (Bye-bye) For so many years
Nobody’s Child ~ Traveling Wilburys
I'm nobody's child Just like a flower I'm growing wild No momma's arms to hold me No daddy's smiles Nobody wants me I'm nobody's child
Fell In Love With a Girl ~ The White Stripes
Can't keep away from the girl These two sides of my brain need to have a meeting Can't think of anything to do, yeah My left brain knows that all my love is fleeting She's just looking for something new, yeah Said it once before but it bears repeating now
Horns ~ Bryce Fox
She can crush every hope Got her heels stompin' down my throat She got horns like a devil Pointed at me and there's nowhere to run From the fire she breathes
Yeah Right ~ Evanescence
My one mistake was giving more and more and more More and more and more
brutal ~ Olivia Rodrigo
They say these are the golden years But I wish I could disappear Ego crush is so severe God, it's brutal out here
I Got Stripes ~ Johnny Cash
I got chains - chains around my feet I got stripes - stripes around my shoulders And them chains - them chains they're about to drag me down
Like a Rolling Stone ~ Bob Dylan
Once upon a time you dressed so fine Threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you? People call say 'beware doll, you're bound to fall' You thought they were all kidding you You used to laugh about
Trust ~ Lucy Dacus
I've learned a lot since I began But I think I was wiser then I've done too much and not enough
Lua ~ Bright Eyes
When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend I get a coffee and the paper have my own conversations With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit
Pressure to Party ~ Julia Jacklin
I know I've locked myself in my room But I’ll open up the door and try to love again soon
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