#:3 might be last post before June idk

[spheroz]

RTC and DC

[echoes-of-mia]

okay this is a long ramble and kinda personal, so bear with me, but i want to talk about being aspec in the joker out fandom bc I'm full of emotions and i need to share them somewhere

(just a short warning for internalised aphobia before i go on)

for context, i identify as aspec, more specifically asexual and some flavour of aromantic. I've known about the ace part for about 3-4 years now, the aro part is more recent and I'd say that before, lets say, a couple of months ago, I'd always seen that as something negative, something that makes me miserable, a deficit that will always be there and that others will never understand

and then i joined the (tumblr) joker out fandom around... june of last year, probably? and at first i thought "theres no way there are many queer people in this fandom, its essentially a boyband, and other aspec people? no way"

well, oh boy was i wrong

because not only is this fandom, like what, 90% queer? (i know someone made a poll at some point but i dont remember the percentages) but it's also around 50% aspec. and there's just this general positivity and support surrounding the a-spectrum in the fandom. like, some days ago there was an aphobic comment somewhere and before i even saw it my dash was FLOODED with people defending aspec people and i was just sitting in the kitchen reading through the posts and crying.

and yes, this is tumblr, i could have seen this coming and it's probably different on other platforms, but so many aspec people in one place, in one fandom, is still something that I've never experienced before.

so why are so many aspec people drawn to a slovenian indie/shagadelic rock band that, at first glance, is just 5 very good-looking probably-straight guys making music? that doesnt really make sense, right?

and then you see how much more they are. how they interact with each other. how comfortable they are in their sexualities, in their masculinity, in being themselves. you see a group of friends that love each other so unashamedly it's a bit unbearable to watch sometimes. you don't see them holding back because "thats not their partner!" or "that's reserved for romantic relationships!", you just see love. you see them supporting each other, being physically affectionate, looking out for each other, laughing together, even living together. vse kar vem could easily be a romantic song, but it's about their friendship!!

and what is all of that, if not THE dream of many aspec people? to be okay with not feeling sexual or romantic attraction because you have your group of friends that you love the same amount as allosexual/-romantic people love their partner(s) and to show it, and to know that they love you the same (and won't replace you with romantic partners) because they also show it, without thinking twice about it, without thinking about how others might interpret your relationship because it just doesn't matter as long as you love each other.

so of course aspec people see themselves in joker out. we see hope for ourselves in them, we are probably a little (or in my case very) jealous of their friendship, we want what they have or we just love to finally see real people live with the sort of affection we would like to have. (just to clarify, this is based mostly on what i feel, so other aspecs might feel completely different about this, idk why I'm trying to generalise this)

and this is about all five of them, but to take jan and nace as an obvious example: they love each other so much that the fans start to speculate, and they know about it. but instead of hiding their affection, they just keep on doing what they're doing. because they know how they feel for each other, and it's no one else's business, and they won't be stopping their love just because of "conspiracy theories". and to me it doesn't matter how they love each other (platonic, romantic, whatever), it matters that they do and that you can't help but notice it, because they show it in every interaction we see of them. the damon baker photoshoot just confirmed that, they look at each other and the amount of love makes me cry, it's so incredibly beautiful.

(just some other things i want to mention: them probably cooking mostly potatoes because nace is glutenfree. nace calming down bojan after his panic attack in summer. jan and bojan casually kissing on the lips during a concert. the jure and bojan getting married photoshoot. bojan touching kris's hair during concerts. kris being carried around during a photoshooting. jure and jan drawing a heart together. them gathering around jure's drumset during concerts. i could go on but for my sanity and yours i won't, there are so many moments that just make me soft)

I'd love to be more physically affectionate with my friends, but every time there's this voice in the back of my head saying what society has conditioned it to say, which is that that kind of affection is reserved for romantic relationships, and this voice stops me every time. i feel like bojan, jan, jure, kris and nace either don't have that voice (anymore?) or they've just managed to ignore it, they don't hold back and i admire that as much as i wish i could be like that.

and while i still have a long way to go until i can be affectionate with my friends without worrying about it or holding myself back, joker out have shown me that it's possible, because of them i finally have days on which i think that i can be aspec and actually happy about it. being aspec finally feels as freeing as it should feel and I'm just grateful

joker out has allowed so much queer joy into my life without intending to and although i don't think anyone i know irl will ever understand this, i hope that some of you can relate to this in some way.

I've said this a lot during the past two weeks but i can never say it enough: all the love to my fellow aspecs, and also to all the non-aspec people who support us <3

feel free to add to this if you want to; my dms are always open if you want to talk about it without posting about it, i love hearing other people's thoughts about stuff like this ^^

[arkethamz]

Antonio doodle/info dump since he was around last month :3

left is the most recent doodles before i knew he'd be coming back

right is the first drawings of him (coincidentally exactly a year ago from June 1st)

more uncolored doodles n sketches. i kinda draw Antonio the most, but i rarely post about him (been gatekeepmaxxing)

last drawings that i actually still kinda like.. i have much more, i just don't like how they look anymore lmao

rambling wall of text infodump below the cut cuz i am just so autistic about this character LMAO sorry i'm a yapper-

anyway, contrary to popular belief, Antonio is actually my favorite RP character. just in general. and i've never actually seen him live until the other day. unbeknownst to me, i was waiting for a whole year to be able to actually see him live, i think i was more excited about it than cc!anthony was 💀

which might contribute to my love for him bc i had to piece him together like a puzzle from everyone else's POVs and clips n stuff. so at first i didn't want him to come back bc i was afraid he'd be different from the Antonio i made up in my head... but then. i haven't sat n watched, at mostly full attention, a whole stream for 7 hours in a while LOL

when i watched cc!buddha's rdrp vods a year ago n saw Antonio, i thought to myself "oh no... Tony isn't actually my new muse is he...?". and for a while i didn't draw him bc i didn't have any ideas + i didn't really know how to draw him. but i did know that when i did learn how to draw him, it'd be over for me (i wouldn't want to draw anyone else, and i was right oops 😭)

my idea of Antonio is he's just a dumb, impulsive, silly little theatre kid that got wrapped up in being an outlaw bc of Wu n Dot after his house burned down. they woulda been moving around in old box cars wherever the trains took them. Dot dies before the events of WildRP(headcanon), and Wu to me, is the autistic kid that follows Antonio around bc he talks a lot n has charisma lolol. also, to me, Wu is not as evil as he was intended to be, he just follows in Sonny's footsteps who's calculated n violent. While Antonio chooses Cesare's path to be more diplomatic and focuses more on his reputation. Antonio can't win a fight to save his life, and i love him for it. he thinks he's scary n dangerous, but to me, he couldn't hurt a fly hehe. i mean, one of the first things he did in the crossing was host a talent show at the local theatre. i'm a big fan of pathetic men, what can i say.

speaking of, i love how pathetically in love he is with Renni. and i love how, despite how much they like each other, they never actually get together n still respect each other as friends. they are the embodiment of the saying "if you love something let it go, if it comes back its yours" but without the last part.. they are so tragic to me.

in the last 3.5 years of watching rp, i've never had any character or character dynamic make me cry. like, as much as i love how doomed n toxic Donnie/Lang is, i've teared up a bit, but they've never made me cry just thinking about them. but Antonio, n by extension, his relationship with Renni, has made me cry multiple times just thinking about them 😭 and yeah, i cried the other day when Antonio was thinking about Renni LOL

idk why he's the character that changes my brain chemistry, but uh. he is. i've literally never rambled about a character so much online, sorry for the great wall of text bc of it.. i'm usually masking so hard a lot of the time, but i've been wanting to talk about Antonio for so long with no one to yap to so, yknow.. he gets me to unmask and i also love him for that :']

[sightoru]

hey scout!

not sure if I'm remembering this correctly, but you moved to another state somewhat recently right? I was wondering what that process was like and how you did it. I'm in a red state and really want to go to a blue one. But I'm just unsure of how to even go about it since I don't have a remote job. Any tips would be appreciated, thank you!!!

You are remembering correctly! I moved in with az (@/haruchiyos) in June of 2023. HOWEVER, I moved from a blue state in New England to a Red state in the midwest.... so the opposite direction. Tho I will say I live in a very blue area, which was kinda blinding this election season since I was like 'wow yeah its so liberal here' I forgot about the rest of the state briefly.

However, I will tell you in the 26 years of my life I have lived in 4 different states, and moved cross country 4 times :') most of these moves were not planned. when I moved to my current state it was like 3 days notice and when I moved I thought I was coming back lol (ill put those details in the tags). ANYWAYS, you'll have the benefit of... planning lmao. I'd start with looking at jobs first, and community is important. if you know someone in a blue state that lives in a city you like, I'd recommend making a visit. it would also be easier if you have a place to stay for a bit, and someone who can look at places to live for you.

the benefit of working at a major company also comes to play here, especially if you can transfer stores/offices/ etc and look for jobs. you might also have the benefit of a degree, which could make finding/switching jobs a bit easier (when I moved, I only had az. no degree, no license. it took a month for me to find a job, but I also hadn't worked in 3 years which added to the struggle. I worked for the last year at a grocery store chain, then briefly as a barista, before moving into a healthcare role which is nice and im finally in a type of job where I feel like im not at a deadend lol). Remote jobs can definitely help, but tbh remote jobs are so hard to get and very oversaturated. everyone wants one, making it harder to get one. (one of my friends WFH, and their rec is to apply directly on job sites for it instead of ziprecruiter/indeed/etc, since a lot of them are scams)

Look into subreddits for your city of choice, find what people like about it. ask questions!! ask about cost of living, safer parts of town, what's hiring. my city's subreddit has so many posts like that. if you have the stomach for it, look into working for the government offices/ city offices/ state offices in that city. the benefits you'll get are great and they tend to start much higher than minimum wage.

for friends, try Bumble friends ! look on Facebook for meet up groups. community is so important, now more than ever (which is why I recommended moving to a city where you know someone).

for states, California and New York are what come to mind for very blue states. Northern California is gorgeous and I loved living in New York. NY is where I'd consider home and I still get very homesick thinking about it sometimes. I think Vermont in particular was one of the most gorgeous states ive ever visited and the people were very friendly!!!! like unnervingly friendly idk maybe it was the proximity to Canada lol. Ive been talking to my partner lightly about moving out of this state once they finish college in a year and a half, and I mentioned moving back to New England area in general.

anyways, this feels all over the place!! I hope this helps and as always, im here if anyone has any questions!!!

[icantshutupaboutfrenesi]

The origin of Bluenos Album Art

TLDR: I have no clue where the album art came from after this post, i either find a lyric page scan or buy a Blueno CD (with zero garuntee of finding my answer)

(yeah we staying on topic after my last post)

I have no clue why this shower thought came to me a few days ago but damn it couldn't leave

so now Im looking into it lmao

My first instinct is to look for the origin on Tineye, maybe when it released or around that time there was some old ass dude on Limewire or Something Awful talking about it. Having a starting point close to release could've been really useful.

My closest hit was 2014, pretty lame

I still wanted to check these out though, cause you might never know

I first went to tok2.com (the top one), i did this somewhat cause of it being the oldest hit, and also being the only hit being a GIF.

I tried simply googling tok2.com, and i got a security alert (great)

I then went to the website via Wayback machine instead, which had 2 snapshots from May 3rd 2005 and June 7 2023 (wtf)

My Japanese is incredibly bad (so i used google translate)

please please please correct me if i get anything wrong

i tried my best comprehending a language Im only at unit 11 of Duolingo with and it seems this is rather a website for hosting music or selling music

Scrolling down i eventually find what were looking for and a list of contributors to the album too! (when looking for a contributors list before i could only find Fusako and Daisuke, but it seems i didn't look hard enough lol)

now seeing the GIF i save it in hopes Tineye finds something else

its 10 seconds of a still image and Tineye doesn't give me any new results (Lame af)

despite this i still have the contributors (No evidence to confirm this right now) list that's part of the webpage so i start looking into the people on there

i first start with Yoshie Tsunoken

to which im then taken to longer contributor lists on websites like rate your music and last.fm, but assuming these are reliable (like i said, no evidence to prove as of now) these don't even list who made the art, just instruments

oh well

i go back to my 3 other hits on Tineye

Discogs doesn't have a contributors list as of now

my next two (and last) are websites for Chinese Football(whether its the band or actual football, i don't know) , they have different domain names, both lead to the same website, and both images of Blueno Tineye hit have the same file name, they also have the same resolution and file size.

despite this I go back to the archive to look for snapshots of the websites.

all links have no archived Urls (and opening either website without archive gives an error)

there were also two websites with unavailable webpages, but just like these two the images are the exact same and redirect to the exact same website, just different domain

as for what avid Chinese Football fan was listening to Blueno, idk.

I then went to their Youtube topic channel and Youtube music (i forgot about these) and also found nothing

I still had one last idea though.

I decided to check my Frenesi CD's for if they listed who made the art, maybe if Frenesi did such Blueno could have too.

(these are my CDs, and i eventually plan to scan the lyrics page and the photograph on the back)

Considering all of these list who made the art for Frenesis albums there could be a possibility Bluenos CD does too

so now i either:

1: pray to the lord i find a scan/image of Bluenos CD lyric page in hope of a contributors list

2: buy one and do it myself

I have zero evidence to prove that either one of these will work :\

I will probably update on this soon (CD page scans or the actual art we looking for)

[fentrashcat]

Tourettes Awareness Month, June 6!

Had a tic attack for the first time in a while today, and a post from thatdudewithtics (idk how they feel about tags so the post I'm talking about is here) got me thinking.

I want to talk about the frustration that comes with an unsteady disability, as well as my experience applying for disability. Today might get heavy. I'm also still exhausted despite taking a 4hr nap so I'm not sure how clear this will be 😅.

⚠️everyone with TS or tic disorders will have their own experience, this is just mine.

Disability Process

So I started my application on line, but was sent paperwork to do in person. My tics don't like paperwork. I only had one black pen and had yet to find the last one I threw the previous week (btw been almost a year and STILL haven't found it), so I was suppressing my fling tic to do this paper work. It took 3 hours to do 8 pages, the whole time fighting against my own body. Suppression HURTS. It also leads to a heavier retaliation later. The day after I did the paperwork I had a severe tic attack and had to leave work after only an hour.

After this they said I needed to meet one of their doctors. I expected this, had to rearrange my work schedule and find someone who could drive me. The day of was actually a good day for my tics, and the doctor seemed really nice and it was a good environment so while I was ticcing it wasn't extreme. I noticed the doctor focused more on my depression and anxiety, but thought we'd get to my tics after. We never did and I was a bit too anxious to be like "I'm here for my Tourette's". Ik it's kind of dumb, I need to advocate for myself better, but I just can't sometimes.

A few days later I see a file uploaded to my clinical notes at my GP. I hadn't visited them in a while so I was confused. Checking the letter showed that it was from the disability doctor, and showed that he not only barely listened to me, but that he hadn't even paid attention to the tics that happened in his office.

My disability was denied, of course. I appealed it and had to do some honestly VERY confusing online paperwork, in which I attach a copy of the doctors letter highlighting all the things he had wrong. Appeal was denied and to appeal AGAIN I'd have to find a lawyer. I can't drive, and I wouldn't even know how to start on that stuff so I kind of just dropped it. It was around this time I had issues at work so severe that my hours were cut to maybe 12 a week? I'm extremely lucky in the fact that I live in a house owned by family and my mom could cover my bills, but I know that won't last forever. The year before last I was covering my bills by paying my mom back over the month but I couldn't even do that now. I need to reapply but I know I'm not taken seriously, and I'll be denied again.

Semi-visible Disability

Tourettes is one of those things that when it's bad it's clear you have trouble, but when it's good it's almost unnoticeable. I've probably mentioned before my grandpa saying "talking to you like this, I would never know, but I've seen it when it gets bad." And that's probably the best way to sum it up.

On a low tic day people don't believe you or tell you it's not so bad, "you don't look disabled". On a high tic day people treat you Different. Either babying you or being afraid/anxious about your tics.

Not to mention the stigma around saying you have Tourettes Syndrome. Like I've been in a job interview and I usually avoid mentioning TS but my tics were acting up a bit so I had to explain. I could just feel the change in the interviewer, like they had been liking me but the moment I mentioned TS they were suddenly rushed to finish the interview and of course I never heard from them again. This happens in other situations too, but the job shit is what causes issues more in my life.

So I feel stuck in a limbo of "too disabled to work regularly" but "not disabled enough for disability" and it really really sucks. It's also frustrating knowing that no matter what I can't stop my tics fully.

Today's attack happened at my house, no obvious triggers or anything different, it just happend. I feel like I don't have control of my own body. I try my best to manage and prevent bad tics but I can't. I don't get to chose to not throw shit, or not do something painful. I just have to live with it, and it sucks. Obviously I try to stay upbeat, I cope with humor and I even think some of my tics are funny or kinda cute but it's still a disability. It still makes life so much harder than if I didn't have it. I'm tired.

Thanks for reading, sorry for today being heavy. I'm still really tired so I might be going back to sleep. Asks are open if anyone has questions.

[rhaenys-queenofkhyrulzz]

mctna timeframe x wihwado retreat

okay so idk if this classifies as a meta post but it focuses on how the historical timeline meshes with that of the show to give up some tentative dates in the first 3-4 episodes. Long post after the cut:

Historically speaking, General Yi Seong-gye’s coup d’etat lasted from 22 May – 3 June 1388. Judging from the scene in mctna when YSG and Nam Jeon are in a fortress looking at the capital (your country vs your child scene) it only took a couple days to mobilise their forces to the capital. I say this cuz mctna shows that the amount of time this mobilisation process took was directly parallel to the time between Seon-ho’s first stab wound and his ruler of darkness speech. 

I mean, one might think it would’ve taken longer in real life than was shown in the series cuz of the sheer size of the army. However, that’s not the case. Here is some fun info and calculations for my fellow overthinkers who think their fic readers will research every miniscule detail you write for historical and scientific accuracy:

As I have already mentioned, a typical horse can walk at a speed of approximately 4 mph (6.5 km/h), trot at about 8 and 12 mph (13.9 – 19.5 km/h), while it can reach at least 25 and 30 mph (40 – 48 km/h) when galloping.

Source: horsey info

Below is just a walkthrough of the calculating process.

So imagine the horses in that army are travelling at 6mph/ 9.66 kmph. The distance between Liaodong (for the sake of this post I’m using modern-day Dalian at the tip of the Peninsula as the starting point) and Gaegyeong (the capital & modern-day Pyongyang) is 359.2 km by land. For non-stop travel, this would take roughly 37.2 hours. Assuming they would start travel an hour after sunrise (aka 6:20 am at that time of year), set up nightly camp a half-hour before sunset (aka 7pm at that time of year) and would need to take at least one hour’s rest during the day for sustenance/bathroom/miscellaneous reasons, they would cover about 112.7kmph per day which is about 12hours of travel per day. If they push a bit on the last day, the army would’ve arrived at the Capital in around 3 days. 

So along with a couple days of strategising before the coup, it can be said that the night Seon-ho was sent to get rid of the advance forces was circa May 17th 1388.

Between the first time skip and this night, we have maybe 2-3 days of seeing the bois on both the main army and advance troop sides. Let’s say the first time skip when we see Hwi at the end of ep 2 brought us to circa May 14th 1388.

Now the time skip itself lasted around 2 months. We can assume that Hwi was dragged to the docks somewhere around March 12th 1388.

If the military exam took place 1 or 2 days before that, let’s say our hearts first broke on on March 10th 1388.

Assuming that the training montage showing the boys getting ready for this lasted about a week as shown by Seon-ho’s different training outfits and the snippets of him treating his sword slash wound every night, the last day of happiness (aka the kite-flying) took place somewhere around March 4th or so. Using this, Hwi went back to the military exam sign-up officer on the day before and earlier on that same day March 3rd is when Seon-ho invited Hwi to the hunt with YSG.

Canonically, the boys first meet Hui-jae (which one can argue starts off the chain of events) 2-3 days earlier. Basically the scene from the pilot of our bois being all young and carefree and practicing swordplay together in the woods happens on March 1st 1388.

So yeah that’s the reverse order timeline of the first few episodes. If you made it all the way to the end, hope this can help you to further research whatever you need in further detail by using these dates as guidelines. 

[sand-lily]

I JUST GOT MY CoE!!!

(like just now now)

they still didn't tell me when my training date is, where my hotel is, when i can check in to the hotel, or APPARENTLY how long I'll be staying

(my contract says 1 year, but the CoE says 3years,, so idk what to put on the application , if they dont answer by Friday I'll just put 3years, then i wont get in trouble if i do renew the contract but it wont be an issue if i only stay 1 year)

im NOT buying another hotel if i can help it, SO i do wanna know when i can check into the training hotel so i can buy my plane ticket for that day and put that as the arrival date on the application, according to maps and reddit the shinkansen is only a few hours to the city i need to be in from the airport, so im taking that instead of doing a layover in japan,,

so i need to know WHEN i can check in so i can do the math to know WHAT flight to take, and since im technically losing a day across time zones, thats going to be hard for me since normal time math is ALREADY hard for me

i already have the passport photos, i already have the envelopes, i already made the shipping labels (just gotta print them), i already signed the disclaimer (gotta print), I already filled out the application minus those 2 things im not sure about (and gotta print),,

so my plan is to go to the library and print all the stuff at once, and sign it at the library, then go from there to the post office to drop it off, and then from there back home (shit has to be planned when you don't have a car and public transit only comes once every 2hrs)

the CoE is valid for 3 months from tonight, so im HOPING they want me there the last week of june or mid july so i can pack up my apartment, call my bank, get an esim card for my phone company (this is the only phone number I had my WHOLE LIFE and I don't wanna lose it so i MIGHT pay for international data to keep it), take care of my pets, break my lease unfortunately, get a transit card (apparently you can buy them online BEFORE going to Japan and have it shipped to you),

and quit my new job i JUST started last week unfortunately,, ive only done training so i dont even think i can put it on my resume, HOWEVER, i did pass CPR + baby CPR so i can put that on my resume if they have the certificate on file (idk if they filed it yet)...but if i have another month, I'll be able to have childcare IN A SCHOOL experience (asst teaching)

ig i WONT be able to save up to pay off my credit card, or get my hair braided, and i WONT be able to afford business class like i wanted,, i just hope i get a window seat, i WILL NOT sit in the middle if i can avoid it, i also dont want an isle seat just in case i sit next to somebody who doesn't speak English and they feel nervous about asking me to move so they can use the toilet... i really dont wanna talk to ppl like that

i also also need to look for headphones with a type c connector, because i heard those exist,, my Bluetooth headphones dont work very well on airplanes and i MISS wired headphones severely (i WILL NOT take them out of the box until im at the airport tho, i WILL NOT risk losing them before the flight, as i tend to do)

i also also also need to go through my music library and delete the songs i always skip and add in the new ones ive been playing on repeat via YouTube, im NOT paying for plane wifi , i also x3 need to figure out how to download Libby books like PDFs since i cant use libby outside of America and i want to keep reading books on the flight

ig im un-makeovering my apt tomorrow, time to put doors back on hinges and remove contact paper and fill in nail holes and everything,, it took me like 3days to do everything up and i did it with a butter knife instead of a screwdriver, so it should take less time to undo it with my new electric screwdriver ,, i think my sister is going to try and steal my bedframe, shes already laid dibs on the couch

they BETTER NOT charge me ANY fees considering i paid a TRIPLE deposit to move in here without a cosigner and thats the whole point of a deposit

anyways i got a lot to do tomorrow, so i gotta go to bed at a REASONABLE HOUR, NOT 2AM

and if anybody wants to help me pay off my $1400 credit card bill (ive been using it to pay rent and buy groceries since nobody wants to hire me, unemployment is only enough to pay the minimum + my phone bill so i dont get late fees)

here are my PayPal and cashapp,, im not good at art AT ALL, but if yall want commissions for something so that i can earn the money (i can only do traditional art), I'll do that too,, or i can proofread something? creative writing is actually my forte believe it or not

anyways

cashapp: https://cash.app/$firellily

(the pfp is a pic of my cat)

[frostmoths]

Might regret posting this. cw alcohol, suicide ideation

Let me preface by saying I wrote this, and a much more emo version before, over the course of a week, and I’m feeling a little better now. It comes and goes. It's everything I’ve been handling since late May, and I want to open up about it.

I have extreme depression and recent happenings have tipped the scale to make me nearly non-functional. I started therapy and medication a year ago because of the world’s most passive-aggressive rejection. I’m way worse now. I’m on my third med and if what happened Sunday (I was very ill) was a side effect, I’m going to have to quit it too. I don’t believe in antidepressants as a cure-all and I’ve only been conceding because I’m tired of wanting to lay down and die. Not kms necessarily, just stop hurting. Though I’ve got like 10 bottles of various prescription insomnia meds which don’t do any good on their own, so maybe if I take them all at once

One weeknight in early June I tried to drink myself to passing out and forgetting what broke my heart. Instead I threw up and went to work the next day hung over. And it was an embarrassingly small amount to drink. Just that it was cheap and I had it on an empty stomach because I was too enraged to make dinner. I haven’t had alcohol since. I dumped out what was left. 

My idiot father, who has dementia, has taken to dragging his guns around everywhere because he’s paranoid they’ll be stolen, and gets angry if he's confronted about it. I’ve alerted several authorities but unless my mother complies, nothing will be done. She won’t because she’s also insane. In May I had a full nervous breakdown expecting me or my cats to get murdered. It was probably the breaking point for my short-lived girlfriend dumping me two days later. Once again my shitty family has ruined any chance of happiness for me. 

When I saw a pistol on his chairside table the other day, instead of blind panic, I felt nothing. I kind of hoped it was loaded and he’d do it, so everything would stop.

My new house is a shitshow and I got ripped off. I have approximately 6 hours a week to work on it and zero help so I’m still not moved in. At this point I hope to sell it after a couple of years of improvements (if I can afford them), get my money back, then maybe flee this godforsaken country and go live in the mountains in. Fucking Iceland. idk. My mother promised assistance for certain things and took it back because that’s what she does. I’m about ready to cut her out of my life.

I can barely eat without getting sick in one way or another. I no longer enjoy things like cooking, EDM, watching anime, and, worst of all, writing. Last month I started poking at [redacted]’s outline as a way to keep my head above water, only to realize it’s way more vague than I remember and that some parts make no damn sense. This is a thing I’ve been bragging about for 3 years as proof that I know what I’m doing, so I feel like a fool. I deleted everything I ever posted about it on my sideblog. I’m tempted to wipe what’s started off AO3. Tempted to delete the entire account tbh, too many memories which are too raw right now. I’m not a skilled writer and the pros (plural) were right to call me out on it last year. And this has been the one thing about myself I was confident in my entire life, that I was banking on making a career now that I finally, finally have my own house with peace and quiet, and now I can see I was fucking delusional. I give up.

My therapist says I have trauma and that I never healed from what happened in 2020 (not Covid-related). I can only see her every 5-6 weeks because she’s that booked. She said she argued with administration because she can't focus on her current patients but they keep throwing new ones at her. Kind of like my job. Everyone everywhere is overworked.

To cope I’ve been indulging in something that’s frowned upon — not a substance abuse thing, but an ethical thing? I guess? Among creatives. I don’t care because it helps me. My psych and my therapist both told me to seek supplemental therapy in between appointments. I think they had something more like b*tterh*lp in mind, but that’s a proven pyramid scheme so lol no thanks. Psychology books and imaginary friends it is.

My employer is closed today and tomorrow for the holiday, and I’m on vacation next week. Much-needed extended time off for me. If I don’t make headway on the house then I don’t know what. I didn’t want to spend my one week off a year moving in the middle of fucking summer during the worst heat on record. At one point I had much more pleasant plans but that’s no longer happening and I can’t think about it. I can’t, but I still do. 

I wanted this house to be my success story. Having worked hard, she rescued herself, escaped her toxic family with her fur sons and flourished creatively, healthfully, and romantically. All was well. The reality is that I was likely conned as a first-time single homebuyer and I'm so mentally ill now that I may not be able to meet the demands of maintaining a 70 year old house with nonworking appliances I can't afford to replace, let alone my own well-being. How did I get myself into this. 

There's one last-ditch effort I can make to pull myself through, but not properly until I move. It sounds like a lame excuse and it probably is, but whatever. Better later than never. However, I tried this last fall, went too hard too fast and burned out after 4 months. I threw a lot of money away doing it. I keep hearing push yourself, go intense, you'll never get there with baby steps but I also think you have to take baby steps if you're starting from zero because otherwise you'll burn out? I'm so tired of conflicting information everywhere. One tells me one thing, another says that's wrong. I can't trust anyone. 

There are a couple of other things I’m looking forward to trying more than exercise. Which are probably less healthy for me. Who is going to stop me. hashtag yolo

I keep telling myself it won’t be this way forever. Just like summer. It comes around once a year, it feels like death, and then there’s relief. But it’ll happen again and again. Just like summer. You have to adapt.

I'm glad pride month is over. I don't know what I'm supposed to be so proud of.

[bennydwight]

TGAMM Observations, Theories, Headcanons Pre Season 2

Long post!

1.      Scratch never tells Molly his name in episode one (there’s a theory on this that his name was divulged to her as part of the curse, since it also gave her the ability to summon him with his name)

2.      In ‘The (Un)natural’, Bartholomew can be seen writing in a cutaway scene, a diary entry saying “Dear diary, I had the strangest dream last night”

3.      In the same cutaway scene, we can see the McGees moved into the house June 2

4.      Other entries in Scratch’s scare report read:

·        06/01 Pizza Steve (I get him every time!)

·        06/08 Kid with Umbrella (Transformed into umbrella. Classic Rainy Day scare)

·        06/15 Wilderscouts (Used Howlin’ Harriet story to scare campers)

5.      In the beginning of Howlin’ Harriet, there’s a brief moment where Scratch puts his hand to his chin, deep in thought. Geoff notices and, a beat later, copies the position

6.      Weird amount of Canada references. Cousin Carl from Canada, Cousin Milly from Canada, in The Lucky Penny there’s a crashed car with a Canadian sticker on the window. When Molly is looking up a Bat Mitzvah there’s a recommended video about ghost hauntings in Toronto (it has four views and was posted eight years ago). The very last moving box in Out of House And Home has a shipping sticker that says Toronto. I’d be tempted to say that’s the last place the McGees moved from if not for Molly knowing nothing of Canada. The syrup bottle in Citizen McGee has a maple leaf on it. I’d be offended at the stereotypes if I weren’t so jazzed for the representation

7.      Despite claiming to be touch adverse, Scratch can be seen instigating physical contact even as soon as First Day Frights, where he puts his arm around Molly and pokes her nose. The touching gets more affectionate as the season goes on, but even at the end of Friend-Off (where he’s arguably ‘known’ Libby less than two days and has been fighting with her for most of that time) he initiates and seems comfortable with friendly contact

8.      Scratch first admits he may be ‘McGee adjacent’ in The Greatest Concert Ever, but (as far as I know) there isn’t a solid moment where he embraces the McGee name fully. It just kinda pops up later on

9.      Scratch is already calling Nin ‘Grandma Nin’ by the end of The Curse (which isn’t groundbreaking, I just think it’s a cute detail that he already calls her grandma)

10.   In The Best Of Nin-tentions he also calls Sharon ‘mom’, but I’m not sure whether that’s because he just does now, or because he was using Molly’s words

11.   The gravestones in Andrea’s film set in Hooray for Mollywood read ‘Howlin’ Harriet’, ‘Howlin’ Harriet’s Toes’, and ‘SK’. I wonder if the last one might be Scratch’s, but that’s just a theory seeing as how we don’t know his surname

12.   Scratch was alive sometime before the invention of the internet (a safe assumption) and after the invention of colour tv. Possibly died in the 70s-80s era?

13.   If the Ghost World doesn’t get anything until after it’s dead, how come they have mochas? Or clubs? Also Scratch is shown with a smartphone at least once in Scarin’ is Carin’

14.   Scratch may also have some variation of size-manipulation power, seeing as there’s a functional pizza box with a to-scale pizza laying around his dollhouse. Maybe it’s just a way he creatively uses curses idk

15.   The. The medical bill in Out Of House And Home guys. It’s just. Look at it. Friggin. Z Ray (x2). Minus $0.49 for insurance. The epitome of America’s medical system. Would be funny if it weren’t so true

16.   Also, hard to see the date on there, but I think it’s 05/14/21 if you’re looking for a timeline. Seeing as we’ve had a Christmas episode, this would probably mean the McGees moved in June 2, 2020

17.   Historically, the larger Scratch gets, the less stable his form is. Might just be for scary effect, but might also be a mass-displacement or concentration thing

18.   But he has no trouble maintaining consistency when he shrinks, so maybe all ghosts just have a maximum comfortable size

19.   Some aspects of transformation appear to be instinctive and subconscious, linked to a ghost’s moods, instead of all shape changes being intentional (most clearly seen in The (Un)natural)

20.   The repossession notice in Out Of House And Home is in Sharon’s name, and I admittedly don’t know a lot about mortgages, but does that mean the house is in her name? Isn’t Pete the primary breadwinner in the beginning of the show?

21.   The McGees have a ricecooker in their kitchen! I thought that was a cool detail

22.   The home purchase agreement is a little hard to read in Home is Where the Haunt Is, but it says “I, [blank], agree to buy the property at [address, I can’t read it] even if it is [a tiny bit haunted]. This contract is legally binding and Candace Green cannot be liable for anything”. Candace absolutely knew about Scratch before he revealed himself

23.   Molly has type A blood, but whether it’s negative or positive isn’t specified (hello, blood poisoning). Also, flyers in the background promote Debate club, which implies she’d donating at school. As USA blood donation requires most donors to be a minimum of 16 years old (with parental consent) or 110 lbs, we can conclude that the school is illegally harvesting blood from the student body

24.   Why do they… why do they draw Scratch’s butt like that

25.   Libby’s left handed!

26.   The cart stunt at the beginning of No Good Deed is referenced in Darryl’s file as ‘Incident 314’

27.   Scratch doesn’t cast a shadow

28.   I don’t know why, but there’s a red sticker that shows up in the school a lot, especially around the lockers, and it just says ‘Souffle’

29.   Apparently Scratch has shared custody of Molly’s phone

30.   Who did the subtitles on DisneyPlus I just wanna talk

Feel free to add on/expand/debate if you feel the desire! I’m mostly just putting these here so they’ll stop swimming around in my head

[clydesavage-thefox147]

Okay so, Thomas just recently posted on Twitter of all the stuff he's managed to get done within the past few weeks. All seem pretty decent and I'm proud of him but when I heard he's finished writing part 3 of the season finale, I was HYPED. We're so close guys! Because I remember at one point we were going to have a third Asides before the season finale but I think they ditched that and just added it to it, making it longer. Also, I was in the last Writer's Room for it and that was last year I believe in June. So, in the span of a year and half, he's written up to part 3 which damn I thought it was longer(could be nearing 2 idk). And I think at this point most consider the last major episode to be WTIT and that's 2 years old now, will probably be 3 come the season finale release. It's been pushed that that episode now is canon to the main plot so the last Sides episode was 2 years ago, but some still consider POF to be which was 3 years ago. Hell some think as far back as DWIT being the last major one which was 4 years ago. But I think it's agreed to be WTIT. So, now that we know it's been at least over a year and Thomas has finished writing part 3, part 4 will be finished hopefully soon too seeing as it would be the resolution part of it all so it might be an easy write, at least I'd think.

I'm rambling here but I'm just gonna say, I'm glad part 3 is finished which means we're getting close, hopefully parts 1 and 2 will be released next year, hell maybe 3 if we're lucky. He might be just bulk writing all of the parts to make sure it's cohesive and flows well, as well as making filming and editing go faster. But I think what he should have done is have parts 1 & 2 for the finale of Season 2, that way a small hiatus between parts 3&4 wouldn't be much of big deal if those were saved as a premiere for Season 3 and make people come back for it and make for a really good lead in. Idk, that's just a personal thought. But at think point, I think Season 3 will start the same year(2026) as the 10th anniversary of the series XD(which I'm excited to see what they'll do for that milestone)

[alinaastarkov]

CREATIONS FROM EVERY MONTH OF 2023! (except i had several months where nothing happened which we will blame my dissertation for)

Post your favourite and most popular post from each month this year (it’s okay to skip months).

i was tagged by my talented wifey @laylakeating ILYYYYY you had some absolute stunners this year babes (as usual !!)

JANUARY

MOST POPULAR: rhaenyra in episode 5 !! this one was a nightmare to colour lowkey and the very last time i attempted purple eyes for these sets jfkdjk FAVOURITE: the winter rose set i made for a sourceblog (which might be cheating idk) i always have fun doing layouts and i like the way it turned out <3

FEBRUARY (i only made two in february so this was pretty easy fjkdsj)

MOST POPULAR: this darklina set i made from trailer footage (never again !!) FAVOURITE: rhaenyra in episode 6 ! doing the episode series was basically my only constant this year so expect a lot of these jfkjds

MARCH

MOST POPULAR: kanej breaking my heart :') ruined my life fr. most popular for a source blog tho was cal and danielle being cute about helnik <3 FAVOURITE: this was a good month for me so i will cheat again and pick two. this sab + greek gods set was in the works for a while and i'm super happy with it in the end, and darklina + passion !! the frame-by-frame took forever but i'm such a sucker for purple

APRIL

MOST POPULAR: my alina in episode 2 set ! she looks so good in the lesbian colours imo :) and for a sourceblog this kanej + darklina set i just love my two fave ships :) FAVOURITE: soc + if i had a nickel was SO fun to make. i love whenever i get an idea for a silly set like this :)

MAY

MOST POPULAR: alina in episode 3 !! FAVOURITE: another episode set, this time rhaenyra in episode 7 !! i was clearly in a cyan mood this month jfkdsj

JUNE

MOST POPULAR: this sab + incorrect quotes set :) FAVOURITE: rhaenyra in episode 8 !! still not quite sure how i made that shade of pink work for me but

AUGUST

MOST POPULAR: another incorrect quotes !! and for a sourceblog this kings and queens who never were from asoiaf set FAVOURITE: rina + the chocolates cause if there's two things i love, it's red + purple and rina :)

OCTOBER

MOST POPULAR: the dragons has three heads for daenerys appreciation week (which took longer than i like to admit) FAVOURITE: that set was my favourite, but also this parallels set cause i just love the colouring i got to with it

DECEMBER (another month with only two sets fjkdjfk)

MOST POPULAR: rhaenyra in episode 10 !! managed to finish it just before the end of the year hehe FAVOURITE: this r+j parallels set for a sourceblog, i like making simple stuff sometimes :)

tagging some beloveds <3 (if you have done this pls ignore me) @yenvengerberg, @ughmerlin, @usershelby, @genyazafin, @azoraahai, @redbelles

[whentherewerebicycles]

good morning! I crashed hard around 9 last night and woke up at 5. ran to the grocery store before 6 and honestly I might start doing my shopping then! I was the only person in the store apart from the employees and it was very peaceful. today is thursday and I do not expect to hear about the job today—for whatever reason I feel convinced it will either be friday or (much more likely) monday or tuesday of next week. I think/hope asserting that aloud will help me get a little mental distance from it today, as yesterday was kind of a queasy anxiety day that did not feel good.

I haven’t double checked my schedule yet but I think this is what today looks like:

6-7:30 coffee, lounge, look at job postings

7:30-8:30 log on at work, send a calendar invite and email about that june meeting, update my list of april/may projects

8:30-9ish I did not go for a run alas I lay in bed looking at patio furniture 😔

9-9:30 shower/get ready

9:30-10:30 work on articulate course

10:30-11 AS mtg

11-12 LF (I have to be camera-on but I don’t need to be especially attentive as it’s a giant group meeting so I can keep working on the new course)

I think there’s an onboarding session shortly after that I was supposed to observe but my lead took that project yesterday so maybe I don’t have to go idk

1:30-2 DR mtg

then sometime this afternoon my sister and I are going to go trail rollerblading, which should be fun and maybe a little terrifying since I haven’t skated since last summer. I would also like to do at least a short walk with the dogs at some point! oh and that reminds me—recently I read an article about the #1000hours challenge (which I think is a parenting tiktok phenomenon?) where families try to spend 1000 hours a year doing activities outside together. it’s obviously a bit gimmicky and I’m sure people are insufferable about it on social media haha but I do kinda like the idea of challenging myself to find more ways to spend time outside every day, especially as the weather gets nicer. I want exercise and social outdoor time to be a big part of that (I have some ideas for summer activities I want to try) but I also just like the idea of doing more casual hanging out and working outside. my sister got me a hammock for my birthday and my HOA just installed a big communal picnic table right outside my place so I think some future IUI cycle goal might be to build a habit of reading outdoors for 30 min a day on a regular basis. I’m not actually aiming for 1000 hours but I like the idea of trying to spend 2-3 hours outdoors most days this summer.

mm okay at this point I’m just procrastinating on starting the day sighhh. time to get up and face my job again.

[lilolilyr]

Tagged by @lesbianlotties a while back, thanks :) I know you just tagged me in a similar one more recently but this one I can do more with atm xD also maybe it'll make me actually finish a fic, who knows! After not posting anything for nearly a month I just wrote what might be half of a ficlet last night at 2am and another bit at 7 so I'm naturally completely sleep deprived but ecstatic about the sudden bout of creativity!

Rules:

Post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names. Post a snippet from one of them (Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post.)

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. That’s it! You can invite others to join in or just post.

Ok so I don't usually have file names bc titles are hard and come last so everything is '[Fandom] [ship] [oneworddescription] wip' to me xD but I'll still tell you about five of my recent drafts

a fluffy Berena continuation to my 'Why'd it take so long to see the light' series

a blind!Andy Mirandy AU with them meeting on a plane just before the canon timeline would happen

this one's just an idea so far but I'd love to write a songfic to the storyline in 'He Set Her Off', either Berena or Avorah, definitely send me an ask if you want me to write one of them!

4. Milippa fluff, a morning of a camping trip

5. also just an idea so far: I'd love to write an And They Were Neighbors type situation but I can't even seem to decide which ship to write it for (Avorah? Milippa/Milippakat? Mirandy??) So atm it's just a file full of throwaway lines and some inspo fics... Might ask the author of one of them whether they'd be okay with me rewriting it for a different ship bc one of the fics really fits well especially to Avorah tho with a bit of a role reversal on the younger & older characters? Idk

Feel free to send me an ask with the wip number & what you want to know about it/prompt me to continue it! :)

And here's the snipped, from the Berena WIP on •1:

Smiling gratefully, Bernie sits down at the edge of the tub, leaning forward with her arms on her knees for a moment, feeling quite content. She's barely in any pain at all now, and the sound of the water falling from the showerhead is soothing.

"Close your eyes," Serena murmurs, and when Bernie complies, she washes her hair for her, then rinses it out before quickly finishing her own clean-up, turning off the water and stepping out behind the shower curtain.

Tagging some Berena bloggers who might like to see this, plus some writers who might want to do this!

@sapphicdbc @akaanonymouth @starfleetwitch @shippingsincebeforeyouwereborn @purlturtle @lonely-night @batnbreakfast @pers-books @squishmittenficfan @guardianrock @jennamacaroni @cryhardanddanceharder @onaperduamedee @eyeh0rr0r @danisnotmyname

Also feel tagged to do any of the other tagging memes I'll be doing today! Or also the ones in the tagging meme may tag (just click on the tag below... Or if tumblr is bugging and it leads you to the general tag search, click back until you can't see this part below the readmore anymore, Then click the tag on this post and you should see all the other posts I've tagged with it), bc this is I think the first one I made in June? So that'd be a bit sad of a selection xD

[zombieweek-g]

Future Plans

Making this my pinned to update as I finish stuff. Since most of my followers got here through my don TL they may not know that I was actually just a manga translator prior to it, and that's what basically all my projects going forward are gonna be.

Also a reminder that if you don't wanna see reblogs about transgender sex you can jsut follow my wordpress blog instead!

Sorting in order of priority, so the stuff I'm focusing on immediately is at the top and future projects at the bottom:

Madan Senki Ryukendo:

This one is absolute #1 on my priority list, since it's a collaborative project with bereke, this one's gonna come out on their site exclusively, so I won't be posting about it on here.

Ultraman Nexus Manga:

Sorta tied as priority #1, and should be out pretty quickly once I finish up with ryukendo, unless ive completely forgotten how to do scantalation. chapter 1&2 are already out on mangadex! (follow the group link on the chapters to see the other stuff I've tled on there too)

Ultraman Geed: Another Gene:

Someone kindly sent me the raws for this back in december! So once nexus is wrapped up I'll be moving on to this Geed side story. It's only 1 chapter so it'll be a very one and done sort of thing once I get to it.

Darkness Heels -Lili-:

Lili is sorta in publication limbo at this point, I've actually subbed everything that's out atm except for the bonus chapter in volume 2, which I'm holding off on for 2 reasons- 1: I don't want to release volume exclusive content and risk potentially harming the sales of said volume when the author has confirmed that the series future depends on it. If you've read lili and enjoyed it please buy the physical releases! 2: I don't actually even have a scanner so there's no way for me to even get the chapter short of taking photos with my phone, which would obv be super low quality. If there's eventually a confirmation of cancellation or further publication I'll probably just bite the bullet and use the phone pics, but if anyone happens to have scans and wants to send them my way I'd appreciate it!

Kamen Rider Kaixa Manga:

Surprise! I actually stared working on this last year in like, june. I'd planned originally to have ch1 out for 913 day but don kinda just took all my time. That said with what I have left to do before this it might still manage to release on 913 day. Also there's only the first 3 chapters available scanned online, so this is just gonna be them unless I can find further raws available somewhere.

That's It!

I don't have anything planned beyond these projects, so if I get to the end of this and haven't found something else to work on I'll probably end up just picking up ohger again (assuming it doesn't turn out to be awful anyway).

Or idk, maybe ill just go back to translating doujins at the end of it all.

[mithrilbookofmystery]

📓 👁👁

OK SO *slams down 30k words of draft* I know the original ask post said to talk about a fic I haven't written but haunts me, but believe me, this is fic is not written. We're like not even a quarter of the way through, most of this doc is notes, this fic have been haunting me since last june or so send help

So anyways. This is "the fic I'll never write" which I do have a tag about as you might have noticed, it's one of the very few things I have a tag for on here that's how much it's haunting me. I'm never going to publish this fic also, tho that's mainly bc A) it's way too fucking long B) the fandom and ship are both obscure as hell and C) its also embarrassing 😣 cringe is dead except when it's me and my fanned fictions. That being said, I'm calling the two guys A and B for simplicity's sake.

A and B hate each other's guts. They were friends once, but had a very big falling out with hurt feelings and bad miscommunications all around and basically they vowed to never talk to each other again. And then one day A wakes up and realizes that 1) his house got moved into while he was asleep(he is very ??? over this given that he was in the middle of moving in the day before; his house was basically empty 8 hours ago and now it is Not) and 2) B is coming over for lunch to pick up his stuff(????? This is even MORE confusing bc A is getting the vibe all of a sudden that they were in a relationship together? Which doesn't make sense bc he's not gay. Wait. Is he gay? What the fuck is going on???)

B comes over and they have a very stilted lunch (where it seems like B feels like something is off, too, but hes not saying anything...), B takes his stuff and leaves, and A spends the rest of the week alone in this house that he has both lived in for years and also Has Not and very confused about this new life he suddenly has.

And then A wakes up in a castle as the trusted advisor to the king in a medieval fantasy world and he is EVEN MORE CONFUSED THAN BEFORE!

Also the King is B. Great.

A spends a lot longer here than in the last universe (like 3/4 of a year), long enough for a magical war to come and pass, some character development shit to happen, and also for the King (who, again, is B) to fall in battle (and it's the one they win the war in too, RIP) and go into a Magical Nightmare Coma (bc they were warring with magical nightmare beasts). This is Bad, for a variety of reasons.

Now A is conflicted abt this bc B is his friend, bit also very much not, but that doesn't mean he wants him to die, but also the A of this universe, the advisor, is starting to get the idea to kill the king to get the throne... His death would be easy to explain away, given the circumstances...

A, instead, goes to find magicians to break the curse. This is the first good thing hes done all fic lmao

B wakes up, the kingdom throws a party, and that night, B tells A about how Something Strange has happened to him - he's not from here. From this world. He's from somewhere else, somewhere Different and in the Future but with no magic and he doesn't know how he got here or got to be possessing the king's body but he's been here for past like 3/4 of the year now and hes sorry for acting strangely if he has but he doesn't really know what to do-

A tells B that he's in the same boat, because he is. B realizes that this A is his A and he hates his A. So. B says some things he'll probably regret later bc being mean is the best defense he's learned against A's general air of uncaring-ness for the effects of his /j "jokes" (they're not jokes, half the time they're just mean, but anyways), and storms off.

The next day, A wakes up in a submarine. He thinks he is going to scream.

They go through....,,., a lot of universes. I think it's over 25 rn but idk. Some are shorter than others, the longest is like a year and a half but we'll get to that. The general arcs are:

1. The beginning bit (Just Broke Up, King/Advisor, Deep Sea Biologists (that ones just an excuse to stick them in a small space for a while to duke it out lmao), Astronauts (kinda same premise as last one but there's a third party now), Musicians, Wild West, Minecraft, Wizards, Desert Island (to quote the notes there, "they duke it out but calmer now"), semi-back in their home universe but something's Off, Superhero(B)/Supervillain(A))

In this part they start off hating each other, but slowly warm up to each other again by the Wizard universe (they're wizards there <3). They recognize that they're each other's only constant in this mess, so in the Desert Island 'verse, they agree to try and find each other right away in each new universe they wake up in (instead of messing around for a while before accidentally stumbling into each other like they'd done before). They debate about the versions of themselves they're possessing, with A very adamant about not changing each universe's lives too much, while B is willing to throw that out the window if keeping the status quo endangers each other. He's starting to like A as a friend again and doesn't want to have to tiptoe around him to compensate for this other life that was thrust upon him, sue him. This comes to a head at the end of the superhero verse when A foils his own plan to save B's life, revealing his own identity to the press in the process - VERY much changing the status quo of this A's life. B is very very confused and conflicted abt this but we don't know how A feels bc its B's POV this chapter.

Also it's worth noting that B still gets nightmares from getting attacked by a nightmare beast monster thing, and he will continue having them for the rest of the fic. They get a heck of a lot worse in the next one <3 and he doesn't tell A abt them until like 3 years into this bullshit

Also also they are so homesick already god bless

2. The Death Universes (the death universes) (this is the year and a half one btw)

They wake up in separate universes where the other is dead bc I love inflicting characters with hardships and problems and trauma <3

They get therapy in these ones too which helps them to like accept blame and shit when it comes to their old argument but also not blame themselves completely and break and also hold each other accountable more and in healthier ways

3. Post-Death bits AKA the rest of the fic p much (its like over half the fic I'm not listing all these out)

Points of interest:

- they reunite and are so so happy about it that they become codependent

- they go to a BOTW AU and B is Link and has amnesia but not just the B from the BOTW universe has it, the original B has it also and he. He fucking going through it man

- bc of the whole amnesia thing B starts thinking of himself where he's not really the B of whichever universe but hes also not really the original B either (tho that's always usually the one more in control each time); the two have kind of merged together, and each new universe creates a new version of B

- he goes with that for a while until it gives him an existential crisis and OG B starts maintaining his independence again

- anyways then they get more codependent <3 fruity edition

- they start to realize they're getting codependent and go :/ uh oh oopsie poopsie

- why did I say that I'm sorry

- anyways they try to homebrew some therapy for themselves but given their situation it's not exactly.. uh.... But tbh it's the best they got right now ngl. it works well enough

- it helps that the universe right after they agree to Spend Some Time Apart™️ they wind up in one where they physically cannot meet each other until they get to the end of it and have to make new friends along the way (Dead Gods AU my beloved....... <3)

- they get to a universe where they're Dads and Gay and Married and go 😳

- they only get fruitier from here

And then it vaguely ends around there. I don't really want to ever write an ending for it, if only bc it feels cheap to end it before they get home but also writing them going home feels wrong, but also, again, I'm never publishing this so I'm not too pressed about it

Saying that, I do want to share some bits from the scenes I have actually written that I'm proud of :3 A is red and B is blue. Sometimes the versions of themselves from a universe will have a different name and I do differentiate between the two; when that happens, the alternate universe versions will have a lighter color than OG A or B. Some of them aren't the same size so you'll have to tap the pics to read all of it

Their fight in the first universe, where they don't really know what's going on but they do know they have just recently broken up and are still very hurt abt that

P much the only scene written for the Superhero AU bit, mainly bc I know I cannot top this

There's a bit of a jump in their conversation between these two, but I hope it still makes sense. Mid-part 3, around the time when B's having his existential crisis and right when they start being fruity. (Pastel/Punk AU also High School AU but it's like the weird teen movie version of high school - they're a little weirded out by it lol)

And ofc Dead Gods AU my beloved <3

Also I made a playlist. They're not really in any particular order story-wise, and some remind me of the story more than others, but yeah :)

When I tell you this story fuckgin HAUNTS me bro......