#:( sighs back to reading pdfs i guess

[anamazingangie]

Just saw the WIPs asks by Nonnie. Covid got you too, huh, dear author. I feel ya. It was a horror when we got it, my entire family caught it at the same time. It was horrible trying to nurse each other when it when hard taking care of ourselves. We were a family of zombies at the time. Praying that you get better soon and hope someone is checking on you.

Still I wanna ask if you wrote a period story on Daemyra where Daemon and Laena eloped. He returned a widow while Rhaenyra is Laena's younger sister. If I remember correctly, it ends when Daemon and Rhaenyra were caught in a compromising position and she declared that they would get married. (I think I asked you this in a comment in one of your stories already but I would really appreciate an answer. This story has been haunting me for a few months.) I remember reading a post where you said you've deleted a lot of fics and I think I remember some of them like "Coincidence" where Rhaenyra and Daemon were on a killing spree with her suitors, so I was hoping that this story was one of yours.

And as selfish as this might sound... maybe a bit of a update/news on "it's a dream and it's a bit of a dance"? This story remains a favorite of mine and I've reread it many times now. Is it on hiatus like "a prince is born"?

Selfish questions really but I'm dying to know the answers. Still, no pressure! 🤗

It's a similar story here- mom got it and gave it to me and my dad, sigh!

Yes, I did write that. I wrote/published 1/3 chapters but there were a few comments that objected to the use of Laena's book appearance (ie her being white) even though it was somewhat essential for the plot of her being Rhaenyra's sister to make sense. That killed my motivation for the fic and since I had no desire to finish it, nor did I want further whitewashing complaints, so I just deleted it.

As for "Coincidence" yeah that was one of mine! I will try to repost it on tumblr since I'm still quite fond of it and have the pdf file. It was written quite quickly for an event that I deleted most of my works for since I now have a bad association with the founder. But that isn't the fics fault so I really should put it back up somewhere.

So "a prince is born" is on a possibly permanent hiatus because I did not create a timeline or do any plot development before starting. So it doesn't make as much sense as I wanted it to, nor does it have a clear direction going forward. I'm just not enthused right now to re-write what is posted to resolve the issues, much less figure out a path forward once that is done.

With "it's a dream and it's a bit of a dance" I know how it will end and have the final chapters plotted out, including some bits of dialogue. So it definitely will be finished...I just think since I planned it so thoroughly my brain already kind of views it as "done" and doesn't prioritize it?

It's just a matter if feeling inspired to work on it, I guess, which hasn't happened. But it's not discontinued either!

[dankusner]

pdf

OPINION

A comfortable chair can take you anywhere

We all need a place to think, write, pray or play

My 5-year-old grandson, Finnian, and I play a game: comfortable chair.

I sit on the couch and say with great satisfaction “Ah, after a hard day’s work, it’s so nice to sit in a comfortable chair.”

Finn is behind me when suddenly there is a lump pushing on my back and shoulder.

I try to wiggle back into comfort until there is what feels like little feet pushing against me, and I hear a giggle.

I sigh and say “Well, I guess I have to go to the chair store and look for a new comfortable chair.”

Finn hops on my back and we go shopping around the living room for a new chair.

We laugh each time.

There is magic in that chair, a place where a boy and his grandfather will always remember with delight.

On the back porch of the house where I grew up there is a simple chair where my grandmother sat during many summer afternoons.

She arrived from Belgium each spring and flew home each autumn, and in between she darned socks, baked cookies, played cards and sang songs with us children.

One afternoon I heard my grandmother calling my name.

“Hurry, Christopher! A monkey! There’s a monkey in the tree!”

My grandmother had seen monkeys in Africa, and when I tried to assure her that there were no monkeys in the United States, she sat in that chair with dignity and certitude. “I saw a monkey.”

The next day she called out again and I arrived in time to see what she saw: a raccoon stretching its arms upward as it climbed the tree, and from a distance it did, indeed, look like a monkey.

When I showed a picture of a raccoon in a tree, and when we looked up into the tree, my grandmother laughed and I laughed as she leaned back into her comfortable chair, and then we played cards and drank some lemonade.

A few days before my grandmother died in a hospital in Belgium at the age of 92, I heard her plaintive voice on the telephone: “Oh, Christopher. Oh, Christopher.”

When my mother was 92 she loved sitting in that same chair on the back porch. We take our turns on the comfortable chair. When I came to visit, my mother and I fed peanuts to the chipmunks, and watched the deer sheepishly walk through the garden. We talked about poetry and about the news. I sat beside my mother in a wobbly rocking chair while she sat up straight and confidently as the trees gathered sunlight and not monkeys deep inside the branches of what I remember. A chair is a place for contemplation, meals and writing, a place where a grandchild and a grandmother can laugh. One of my favorite images of a chair is in the novel To Kill a Mockingbird perfectly depicted in the film with Gregory Peck playing Atticus Finch. You see Atticus sitting comfortably in a chair at the front of a jailhouse protecting Tom Robinson who was incarcerated and wrongly accused of raping a white woman. Atticus knew a mob fueled with ignorance and prejudice was on the way to hang an innocent man. Because of Atticus’ steadfastness, the mob disbanded and went home. I have read in books and in magazines that prolonged sitting can cause diabetes, cancer, depression, blood clots, even shorten our lifespan. I am doomed. I have been a writer since my lonely days as a graduate student in my dorm at Columbia University in 1974, 50 years ago, 50 years sitting in my chair two, three, four, sometimes five hours a day, every day for 50 years. Mason Currey wrote in his book Daily Rituals: How Artists Work that Ernest Hemingway “wrote standing up, facing a chest-high bookshelf with a typewriter on the top, and on top of that a wooden reading board.” Yes, Hemingway created beautiful books while standing, but we all find our own ways to wisdom. I found my voice in my sedentary life as a writer, writing in a comfortable chair while hearing a grandson laughing behind me, while climbing trees hunting for monkeys. A chair is just a chair, but mine has wheels rolling me along the edges of paradise on this earth each day as I write. In William Shakespeare’s play Richard III a king who is dying on the battlefield powerfully asks for one last chance to survive: “A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!” A chair, a chair, my kingdom for a chair. Christopher de Vinck’s 17th book, “Things that Matter Most: Home, Friendship, and Love,” was published by Paraclete Press. He is a contributing columnist for The Dallas Morning News.

[yusukenui]

really, i cant blame wwx for thinking that lwj hated him all up until his death with the way that he is

[tortademaracuya]

:(

[fatui-harbingers]

My dad said the wifi is probably gonna be cut off soon so that's great

[marvelmusing]

Disastrous Dalmatians

Pairing: Billy Russo x Fem!Reader

Summary: A 101 Dalmatians inspired meet cute. When your dog Pongo falls for a random Dalmatian in Regent’s Park you become acquainted with her owner, Billy Russo.

Word Count: 2.1K

A/N: this is 100% inspired by the Anita and Roger meeting in 101 Dalmatians (the 1996 version) I used to watch that film all the time as a kid and thought their meeting was the peak of romance - so this just sort of happened?

My Masterlist

A crisp breeze stings the skin of your face as you make your way through Regent’s Park. Usually you’d enjoy the sight of autumn creeping slowly over the trees, staining the leaves a vibrant orange. Unfortunately, your day has not been going to plan. Meaning that instead of enjoying your Sunday morning walk with your Dalmatian, Pongo, you’re typing away hurriedly on your phone.

All your focus is on the little device in your hands. So, when you encounter some resistance from Pongo’s lead, you don’t look away from your screen. You give a small tug and a distracted,

“Come on Pongo.” It seems to work, and the two of you continue down the path. Though Pongo is trailing behind you, and occasionally tugs back - which is quite unlike him.

You press send on your email, intending to see to whatever is bothering Pongo so much, when you notice the pdf you’ve attached has changed the orientation. Your entire proposal has been ruined, the quality of your images has dropped, and your text overlaps to the point where even you can’t read it.

“Oh for God’s sake- Pongo!”

Unfortunately, Pongo decides to advance your impending crisis by taking advantage of your distraction. His lead is yanked from your hand and he sets off running. In your surprise, you drop your phone.

You bend down, grasping it quickly and rushing in the direction of your dog. You breathe a sigh of relief when you spot him. But he’s not alone. There’s another Dalmatian, one with honey brown spots, sitting next to him, and the two seem interested in one another. There’s also a dark haired man, presumably the owner of the other Dalmatian.

“Hey there little man.” He says quietly as he pats Pongo’s side. He grins, looking at the other Dalmatian. “She’s a beaut isn’t she?”

“You are in big trouble mister.” You hiss at Pongo, grasping a hold of his lead. Then the stranger seizes your wrist.

“Can I help you?” He says sharply. His accent is American, a smooth drawl despite the harshness in his eyes. You huff,

“This is my dog.” He looks up at you, then back to Pongo.

“You know this crazy lady?” He asks Pongo with a raised brow. You would usually find such an interaction endearing. Pongo tilts his head at you in response. You sigh,

“His name’s Pongo. You’ll see my name and number on his tag.” The man doesn’t let go off your wrist as he turns over Pongo’s tag to reveal your name.

“And your name is?” You give him your name, and recount your number just to rub it in. He releases his hold on you, and stands up. Once you’ve secured Pongo’s lead around your wrist you look back at the man. He flashes you a smile, holding out his hand.

“Billy Russo. And this is Perdy.” You hum, unimpressed,

“Pleasure.” He raises a brow, before waving his hand away in surrender. “Well, thanks I guess.” You say with a shrug before moving away.

“You know, you should keep a tighter hold on your dog.” He calls out after you.

“Thanks for the advice.”

»»---------------------►

Throughout the week, you begin to see Billy everywhere. He must live close to you, because you always see signs of him as you’re going about your day.

You pass by a corner shop and spot Perdy tied up outside, much to Pongo’s excitement. You have to steer him away quickly before there’s a repeat incident of Sunday.

You sometimes see Billy on his bike, during your evening walk. Only in the distance, but you recognise him and the honey brown and white dog trotting beside him.

Then you begin to see his bike parked almost everywhere you go. At the beginning of the week, you were annoyed by his near constant presence. Though as your week improves, you begin to feel bad about your interaction with him. He was only looking out for Pongo, and you hadn’t been the nicest to him.

»»---------------------►

Soon it’s Sunday again. You haven’t seen Billy yet, though you’re certain that you both take the same walk every Sunday. You’re not sure how you know, but you do.

You’re sitting on a bench, looking out over the lake with Pongo’s head resting against your knee. He perks up before you do, and you frown down at him. Then you hear a shout of,

“Look out!”

You stand up quickly, moving out of the way as someone on a bike crashes heavily into the bench. There’s a jarring clang of metal against metal, and you look over hurriedly at the cyclist.

It’s Billy.

He’s lying on his back, against the dewy morning grass, his eyes screwed shut. He groans when he attempts to move, and you crouch down beside him. There’s a line of crimson blooming over the side of his head. You open your bag, pulling out some tissues.

“You’ve hit your head.” You tell him.

“Yeah, no kiddin.” He winces when you press the tissue against his wound. You shush him gently,

“I’m sorry. It’s okay.” You say softly, cleaning up the blood, and applying pressure to stop the bleeding. Billy’s dark eyes watch you as you tend to him.

“If I’d known gettin injured was what it took for you to go sweet on me, I mighta done it sooner.” You roll your eyes at him with a small smile.

“I’m sorry about last Sunday, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I was… having a rough day.” You explain with a sigh. He shrugs lightly,

“It happens.” His smile widens as he gestures to his wounded forehead, “Evidently.” The two of you laugh softly, until Billy winces again.

“You should see a doctor.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“How many fingers am I holding up?” You ask, holding up four.

“Four.” You change it. “Two.” And again. “Three.” He chuckles and you smile at him.

“I don’t think it’s too bad. But please don’t take my word for it.” He nods, reaching towards the hand that’s holding the tissue against his head.

“May I?” You nod, moving away slightly. Billy sits up properly, laughing. You frown at him, and he nods to the side of you.

Pongo and Perdy are nuzzling their faces together, occasionally lifting a paw towards the other.

“Well I’m glad someone’s havin a good day.” Billy remarks. He pulls himself up, and you stop yourself from trying to help him. He said he’s fine, there’s no need to fuss over him. You collect Pongo and Perdy, before heading back to Billy. He’s looking over his bike.

“What’s the damage?”

“I think I came off worse than the bike.” He jokes, with a smile. He thanks you softly when you hand him Perdy’s lead.

“Don’t cycle home. Not with a head injury.”

“You worried about me, darlin?”

“No. You’ll wreak havoc on the traffic if you collapse in the middle of the road.” He laughs, and you find yourself admiring the sound of it.

“Well, I’ll see you round.” You nod, feeling much lighter than the last time the two of you spoke.

“Bye Billy.”

»»---------------------►

Over the next week, you smile every time you see signs of Billy’s presence. Sometimes the two of you will pass in the street, and he’ll smile in acknowledgment, bringing a flush to your cheeks.

If you see him in the distance during one of your walks, you give him a small wave which he returns along with a wide smile.

Pongo always perks up at the sight of Perdy, his tail wagging enthusiastically. You hope Billy is too distracted by your dog’s eagerness to see him, rather than your own.

»»---------------------►

Before you know it, it’s Sunday. You have a few errands to run, so you pull out your bike, tying Pongo to the handles and set off. You’re a little disappointed that you might not see Billy today.

You pass through Regent’s Park much later than you usually would so you’re not expecting to see him. Then you spot a familiar figure standing at the edge of the lake. Your heart warms at the sight of him.

You’re clearly not the only one who notices the man and the dog. Pongo turns sharply towards them, tugging your bike towards a hill.

“Pongo!” You cry out, pressing on the brakes frantically. But you’re picking up the speed gained by the hill, and the brakes aren’t working.

Your wheels spin faster than ever as Pongo races away, his lead coming undone. Just as your bike reaches the lake.

“No, no, no!” The front of your bike hits a rock and you’re sent sprawling into the water with a splash.

Billy wastes no time at all. He kicks his shoes off, and tosses his coat to the ground before wading in after you.

You cough and splutter as you flounder in the dirty lake water. Your ankle is stuck under your bike, as it weighs itself down. The water isn’t too deep in this area, but your upper body bobs as you attempt to free yourself.

Then a pair of arms are around your waist, and your foot is being guided free. You gasp out his name as Billy holds you steady above the water.

“It’s okay darlin. I’ve got you.” As the two of you begin to head back to shore, a collection of pondweed tangles itself around your feet and you stumble in Billy’s arms. He tightens his hold, before reaching to untangle you. Once you’re free he scoops you up bridal style, and carries you out to safety.

He sets you down on a nearby bench, before saying,

“I’ll be right back.” You nod, and he disappears back into the lake. No doubt to retrieve your bike. Winter is on the way, and you can certainly feel it. Though that might be because you’re soaked to the skin with cold lake water. You look over at Pongo and Perdy, who are lying down next to each other.

“I hope you two are very happy together.” You glower at them as your body begins to shake uncontrollably.

Billy returns with your bike, which looks remarkably undamaged. Though the brakes clearly need fixing. You stand up taking your bike from him.

“Thank you.” You say softly, meeting his eyes with a small smile. He nods, then steps away to pull his shoes back on.

You try to hide your shaking, but Billy notices immediately. A small whimper escapes your throat as his coat is placed over your shoulders.

“You’ll catch your death out here.” He says softly when you go to protest. His hands smooth over your arms and your shaking stops for a moment to your relief.

“You’re just as soaked as I am.” You reason and he shrugs.

“I’ve had worse.” He takes a hold of Pongo and Perdy’s leads, before saying, “My flat isn’t too far. If you’d like to warm up there?” You nod hurriedly.

“Please.”

»»---------------------►

“I think our dogs are in love with each other.” You say softly, your head buried against Billy’s chest. He’d apologised about how slow his heating was, and the two of you had decided to cuddle together to warm yourselves up in the meantime. Billy sighs as he looks over at Pongo and Perdy. They’re in quite a similar position to you and Billy, huddled up together in Perdy’s bed.

“Yeah, I think they are.”

“Must be nice. To find your person.”

You’re dressed in one of Billy’s sweaters and shorts, after discarding your wet clothes. Billy’s wearing a cotton t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants. He’d thrown a blanket over the two of you, and you’re quite cosy lying on top of him. He hums in response as he traces his thumb over your bare thigh underneath the blanket.

“Yeah. Must be.”

Billy rubs his hand over your thigh gently, as if to warm you up, even though the chill of the lake had left you fully several minutes ago. You tilt your head back to look up at his face, your eyes flickering to his lips.

“They’re going to be broken hearted when you leave.” He says, keeping his gaze on the two dogs sitting by the fire, not looking down at you.

“I don’t think I want to live with a broken hearted Dalmatian.” You say softly.

“Well then there’s only one solution.” He says with a shrug.

“What’s that?” He finally looks down at you, taking in your gentle eyes and soft lips in the firelight. His voice is a whisper as his lips near yours,

“Don’t leave.”

Then you kiss.

»»---------------------►

Billy Russo Tag List: @blackbirddaredevil23 @restingbitchsblog @tiredbeebo @rafaelakelley @theysayitscrazy @hummelmi @nyx2021 @skybridgerton @dragon-of-winterfell

[4dtk]

hi hiiii! could i request movie night with doyoung where things start off sweet but then escalate from there?? perhaps with some undertones of switch!doyoung and switch!reader + him being into breathplay and/or hands caressing the other’s neck (both giving and receiving) if possible <33 btw i love your writing!!

thank u for the kind words! big kudos to this pdf i read up about regarding breath play - hope it's okay anon <3

warnings: fingering, oral (m receiving), breeding kink, unprotected sex, breath play (f and m receiving), riding, praise, vaginal penetration

NSFW UNDER THE CUT, MINORS DNI.

your giggles are swallowed by doyoung as he playfully lays kisses on your lips, distracting you from the movie that’s currently playing. you can feel the smile on your skin as his lips trail down to your neck, lingering there as he stares daggers at the movie that he put on. it’s almost amusing to see, but you yourself can’t help but get intrigued by the plot that you don’t notice doyoung’s hand curling into the familiar grip he usually has on your thigh.

you sigh softly when his fingers curl around your neck, feeling around the skin there, caressing the soft, newly washed skin with care that you wouldn’t have guessed those same fingers were the ones to send you into oblivion.

just with doyoung’s chest against your back, you can feel your focus on the movie dwindling bit by bit. the longer he sucks hickeys into your neck and muffles your whimpers with his mouth, the harder you’re finding it to keep your vision and head clear to understand why the protagonist had almost killed her significant other. the clarity in your mind is overtaken by your need to have all of your boyfriend on you, pushing up against him even more before your legs widen.

doyoung hums contently, hand on your neck tightening and loosening that gives you the high. he knows where to place his thumb, cutting off and letting you regain your airflow in a dizzying cycle of repetition. “like that, huh?” you nod against his hand which continues to do just that, the movie becoming mere background noise at this point. with his other, he trails it down to your already spread legs, slipping in between your loose shorts that hardly hid your underwear.

it was a wonder the other members hadn’t mentioned anything yet.

“three seconds, baby, you ready? you know our safe word?” doyoung mumbles in your neck, putting light kisses onto the skin there. gently, his stubborn finger only draws light circles against your pulsating clit, teasing the bundle of nerves under the fabric which already had a dark, wet patch. a chorus of mhm’s and yea’s escape your lips, under the guise of pleasure from his hands alone.

all at once, you gasp upon the immense pressure his fingers apply to your clit, ministrations increasing tenfold while he held your carotids under the pads of his digits for the time he promised. your breaths come out short, a strangled moan escaping once the oxygen rushes back to your brain like a drug, praise falling from doyoung’s lips only spiral you further into his grasp. it’s not that you’d mind.

“good girl,” doyoung grins, rewarding you with a sweet kiss. the movie’s definitely forgotten now, the faint reflection of the laptop showing the filthy way your panties soak through more and more with each move of his fingers. within a swift second, your underwear is swiped to the side to accommodate his fingers where he slips his middle finger in loosely. the other wraps around your tit, where your nipples poke through your shirt — perked up and perfect all for him.

you hum lowly into his embrace, wrapped up all in him that you melt more and more into how his fingers sink into you, collecting your slick as he pumps his hand slowly. you’re not all that impatient, but you could do better with him speeding up a little. “hand sore?” there’s a smirk against your shoulder before he thrusts a little roughly into your sopping cunt, drawing out a lewd mewl from your throat. the torture continues on, where you can hear yourself, the sounds practically bouncing off the small room of the dorms.

“c’mon honey, taste yourself on my fingers.”

you obediently open your mouth, masking your disappointment at the emptiness while taking his finger into your mouth that’s wet from your arousal. everything’s incredibly slow and intimate and gentle, like how doyoung… sometimes is. you can’t get this new version of him out of your head, though, tender in his touches, but sultry in his words.

you can compare it to the maple syrup you had this morning, to the sugary kisses you shared in the bathroom, or even the tempting bead of pre-cum leaking from his tip. the taste wasn’t so much, but you didn’t mind the liquid lingering on your tongue. your own pleasure’s put to the side when you’d pulled down his briefs earlier, ignoring the throbbing need to be touched. you couldn’t just leave your baby hanging, anyway.

“hhaah... fuuuck…” your tongue swirls around his tip like a lollipop, providing just the tease that he’s done to you before. slowly, you lower your mouth onto his length which prompts a hand to shoot up to your head of hair, clutching onto it to guide your head up and down. you let doyoung control the pace, who can’t help but call your name like a prayer as your cavern sucks him in so well just like your cunt does.

hands wandering seem to be the standard for you, tangling in his hair when you’re locking lips. travelling over his stomach when your cuddling. even now, you can’t keep your hands locked in one place, going over his thighs in sensual circles that’s interrupted by the waist band of his briefs. you don’t mind, relaxing your jaw to take in more of him until his cock meets the back of your throat.

doyoung groans at that. a switch goes off in him — he decides that he can’t wait to feel you around him, beckoning with a tilt of head.

“bet you’re still tight, even though we fucked this afternoon.” you giggle at that, waiting for him to shrug off the last of his briefs before sinking down onto him with ease with a spread of your pussy lips. even with your juices, you can’t help but let out a whine at the satisfying stretch, before you start rocking your hips.

he takes the back seat, an arm behind his head while the other holds your hips, squeezing the meat of your ass. your hands are ambitious again, travelling up the expanse of his slim, pale body before they land on his neck. the tables aren’t turned over entirely, but you know what doyoung gives, he likes to receive it too. locating his carotids like he’s taught you, your thumb presses mildly onto the side of his neck.

“that feel good?” his mewls are all you can make out.

doyoung’s eyes roll back and you almost halt your hips for a moment to enjoy to sight, but the way his dick moves against your gummy walls is just too gratifying that you can’t bring yourself to stop. you’re mindful of the lewd noises coming from in between your thighs, although it only fuels your need to feel him drilling into you faster, and so you’re taking the reigns, setting the pace.

there’s the continuous routine of grind, squeeze, whine that it comes natural to you after a few times, although the last one didn’t really matter in that intoxicating cycle. “god, your cock feels so good- shit…” doyoung’s whimpers only spur you on, with the constant release and cut-off of oxygen that provides him with the unexpected jerk of his hips. soon you’re meeting his hips with yours.

“should i c-cum in you? wanna be… ahn- full of my cum?” doyoung manages to get out through the blur of pleasure, eyes fixating on the way your mouth drips with drool and his pre-cum. you’re filled up to the brim, the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix that you shiver against his thighs. “you’re not- fuck- answering me baby,” the hand on his neck goes limp as the knot in your stomach tightens and tightens, barely answering his question with a pathetic nod.

“yes… yes, please-“ you’re not even sure what you’re begging for at this point but you can’t complain when doyoung spills his seed deep into your pussy, filling you up even when his thrusts turn sloppy. he fucks you thoroughly, bringing on your own orgasm as you convulse around him, twitching violently on his cock while your throat suffers from the last bit of your needy moans.

the sensitivity hurts, but you still find yourself letting a choked moan escape when doyoung snaps his hips back into your clenching hole that makes a satisfying pap!, stuffing the cum that’s leaking back into you. “you did so well.” you smile weakly; the words has both your heart and pussy fluttering at the praise, knowing you’re in for another round when he flips you over with newfound strength. “but now i’ll take over.”

[icouldntfinditsoiwroteit]

A diamond in the rough (2/?)

"(F/N), you coming?" Barry called out.

"Yeah, just give me a minute!" (F/N) yelled back as he ran towards the jeep where Barry and the last of the crew sat waiting to get to the worker's village.

(F/N) reached the jeep and jumped in, holding his bag tightly as Barry slapped the side of the car to signal that they could go now, in their way to the worker's village they all chatted about different things but (F/N) remained silent as he looked at his phone and the pdf's in it.

*Maybe we can start feeding them chicken, it'll cause them to be a bit more hungry so maybe Charlie will just eat it....*

*But if she still gives her food to Blue it will only make things worse,* (F/N) frowned.

*It's not like Blue bullies Charlie for her food, but maybe....maybe I need to check what we're feeding Blue,*

Timeskip

(F/N) followed Barry still with his nose buried in his phone as they walked to their bungalow.

"Hey, (F/N)," Barry's voice pulled (F/N)'s attention from his phone.

"Yeah?"

"Should I worry about what you've been feeding the raptors?" He asked.

"No, why?"

"Considering that whatever you did make one of the scientists come all their way to the paddock, it has to be something," Barry explained.

"I mean, the reason they came was that the raptors got better results than they expected, so I don't really think they would be mad," (F/N) shrugged as they reached their bungalow but Barry sighed a shook his head slightly.

"That's what worries me, you got better results in only a month without any fancy lab, while it took them a year to plan the raptors diets, so someone may look into it," Barry persisted as they entered their home.

"Well, it wasn't rocket science, I just changed a few things but I still used their dietary instructions as a base so it's not the same," (F/N) explained as he put his bag on top of the desk in front of his bed.

"I just think that maybe this could be a good way for you to impress some sort of higher up and-"

"Baz, not this again," (F/N) interrupted sighing.

"(F/N), you have talent and the brains to do much more than feed some animals...I just, want you to get somewhere better in life," Barry laid his hand on (F/N)'s shoulder.

"...I know...." (F/N) muttered sighing in defeat.

"But I also want you to be careful, there are people out there who will envy you, we've seen the type of people they are and how far they are willing to go," Barry reminded but at this (F/N) rolled his eyes and walked away.

"It's been years since that Baz, besides, a Corgi was scarier than her," (F/N) said as he took his notebook out of his bag and opened his laptop.

"A corgi with money," Barry reminded but let it go and went to his bed but before he pulled the curtain they had installed in the middle of the room for them to have a bit of privacy in the small place.

(F/N) plugged his earphones and began investigating more about pack behaviors to try and find a sort of solution for Charlie.

Meanwhile

"You're telling me a dinosaur feeder somehow improved the diet we had planned?" Henry asked a bit incredulously at the man who sat nervously on the other side of his desk.

"Well...when I went to ask about the astonishing improvement in the raptors he said he had changed it, so I asked him to write it down and it does make sense," The man explained as he laid the piece of paper on the desk.

"We made some simulations just to make sure, but it is a better diet, so that explains the raptors surpassing our expectations," The man said before going silent as Henry took the paper and read it over.

"And you say this feeder did this on his own?"

"He said so,"

"And he also got it right in less than two months?" Henry raised an eyebrow.

"He said that he had been feeding them for eight-month but that he settled for it only two months in...I guess you can say so,"

Henry remained silent as he read the list a few more times.

*Impressive, but he could be lying,* Henry finally set the paper down.

"Have him come here tomorrow and I'll see if he's saying the truth," Henry ordered as he turned to his computer, this was enough for the other man to understand he was dismissed as he left the office quickly.

Timeskip

(F/N) walked slowly as he enjoyed a popsicle in the warm night as he made his way back home, but as he approached he noticed someone standing on the porch of it, it was clearly not Barry since this was someone much shorter, so (F/N) quickened his pace.

"Can I help you?" (F/N) called out from behind and noticed the man almost jump before turning around.

"You almost killed me," The man joked as he let out a breath.

"Sorry didn't mean to, but is there someone you're looking for?" (F/N) asked a but more gentle.

"Yes, I was told that (F/N) Sembène lives here," The man explained.

"That's me, what can I do for you?"

"Oh, I didn't know you weren't here, please call me Carl," The man offered his hand and (F/N) shook it.

"I was asked to inform you that you have been requested to come to the main labs tomorrow," The man explained but (F/N) couldn't help but tilt his head.

"Couldn't you just have sent me an email?"

"W-well, you see, it's just something small, we thought there was no need to...um," The man stumbled din his words nervously.

"You didn't want this on record," (F/N) finished for him.

"What, are you planning on harvesting my organs?" (F/N) joked but noticed how uncomfortable and nervous the man looked.

"I'm just joking, but, is this because of what happened with the raptors?" (F/N) asked.

"Yes, what you did was fairly impressive, so we would like to ask you some questions on how you did it tomorrow," The man explained.

"I mean sure, when should I go?" (F/N) asked.

"You would need to be there at 2, I wrote down at what hour you should get to the trains since tomorrow will be busy, so make sure to show them this ticket of priority to make sure you get on the train at 1:20, apart from this you should be alright," The man informed as he handed over a paper.

"Alright," (F/N) took it.

"I'll see you there tomorrow, have a good night," The man said before speed walking away not letting (F/N) say anything else as he simply stared at the retreating man confused.

(F/N) simply shrugged as he entered his home and turned on the lights on his side and made his way silently to the curtain, slightly moving it to see his brother snoring in his bed.

*No wonder Baz didn't answer him, when he hits the bed not even an earthquake can wake him up,* (F/N) thought amused.

(F/N) then went and sat on his bed as he read the paper.

*I need to feed the girls at 11 so I should head out at 12 to get to the train station in time, I'll tell Owen before I leave,* (F/N) planned as he went to the bathroom to take a shower before heading to bed, leaving the paper on his desk.

Timeskip

"What do you mean you are being asked in the main labs today?!" Barry almost yelled.

"I mean they want me to go to the main labs today at-"

"I know what it means but why?"

"He said they wanted to ask me some questions, probably to make sure I'm not some sort of undercover something," (F/N) shrugged as they walked to the jeep that would take him to the raptors paddock.

"You do realize how weird that is?" Barry asked and (F/N) nodded.

"That's why I'm telling you so you can tell Owen," (F/N) explained as he hopped over the backside of the jeep alongside the others who needed to go to the paddock.

"I'll be back later, don't worry," (F/N) assured as the jeep started moving.

"If you get yourself killed I'll bring you back to life just so I can slap you for stupid!" Barry yelled as (F/N) chuckled.

(F/N) sat calmly watching the trees as they finally got to the paddock where everyone got off and soon entered.

He walked to the back where the bags of meat were stored and pulled them out quickly to begin mixing them with some of the supplements the raptors needed, as he did this he heard a loud chirp from the paddock.

"Almost done girls!" (F/N) answered amused as he quickly put the food on each respective bucket.

"I'm ready, open the door!" (F/N) yelled but the door didn't open.

"Oi, didn't you hear me?" (F/N) asked but no one answered so he sighed and went to the control panel where he found no one.

*The hell?* (F/N) wondered but the smell of something burning near called his attention as he made his way to where the smell was coming from and found the workers who should be in the control panel around the generator where some smoke was coming from.

"The hell happened?" (F/N) asked and the two turned.

"The generator is toast, we'll need to replace it, but it will take us like an hour to get another generator brought here," One informed and (F/N) groaned as he walked away.

*Great,* (F/N) sighed knowing he could do nothing but wait.

(F/N) had been pacing for a while until finally the new generator was brought, ut it took the others at least ten minutes to get the generator running.

"Alright, you can finally go in," Someone yelled as the door opened, and (F/N) quickly carried two buckets and poured them into each plate before going back and doing the same with the last two buckets before exiting the place and signaling them to let the raptors trough.

(F/N) checked his phone and cursed seeing there was only an hour left for it to be 1:20, fortunately, one of the jeeps was ready to leave with other employees that had just been waiting for the generator to be replaced so he hoped in an let it take him back to the worker's village, when they got there he got off before it even stopped and sprinted to the train station.

(F/N) was out of breath as he reached it but to his horror, the train was already leaving the station.

"W-when's the next train coming?" He asked between breaths one of the security people who looked at him a bit worriedly.

"The next one comes in 10 minutes," She answered.

"And how long is the ride?"

"20 minutes," 

(F/N) sighed as he then walked off to one of the benches near to seat and res since he would need to run again later.

When the train finally arrived (F/N) perked up and quickly made his way to it but was then stopped by a security guard.

"Is there a problem?" (F/N) asked.

"Sir, some have given us some worrying statements about you so I will need to ask you to leave," The guard said, and (F/N) simply stared at him before it downed in him.

*I must stink from the meat,* (F/N) thought as he looked at his not-so-clean clothes but sighed as he took out the priority ticket.

"Look, I myself don't want to be here, but I was requested," He showed the priority ticket and the man quickly shut his mouth.

"Sorry friend," (F/N) said as he entered the train and sat beside the window, ignoring the weird looks he got from some people.

*You try feeding raptors people,* (F/N) thought as he closed his eyes wishing for the train to just get going.

Timeskip

"Where the hell is he?" Mary hissed.

"He should be here any moment, the crow must be holding him up," Carl tried to excuse but he was just as nervous since Dr. Wu was not someone who like being made to wait and he didn't want to have to deal with an angry Dr. Wu.

But fortunately, he spotted who they both were waiting for sprinting towards them.

"Hey...sorry for the wait," (F/N) apologized as he came to a stop in front of them and tried to regain his breath.

"About time," Mary huffed.

"Sorry, the generator back in the paddock died so I got out a bit late," (F/N) apologized again but Mary simply looked him up and down before turning around.

"Follow me, he's waiting for you," She said, and (F/N) and Carl walked after her.

"I'm sorry, but who am I meeting?" He asked curiously since Carl hadn't actually told him.

"Oh...well, it was Dr. Wu who asked for you to come," Carl explained, and (F/N)'s eyes widened.

"W-wait, Dr. Wu as Dr.Henry Wu, one of the most well-versed scientists in the genetic field?" (F/N) said with awe in his voice.

"I'm surprised you know that, but yes," Mary answered and (F/N) gulped actually nervous for the first time in that day.

They soon approached a glass door through which (F/N) could see someone looking at a computer, the computer covering their face.

Mary knocked the door and the man looked up, he then closed his laptop and signaled them to come in.

"Doctor, this is the man you asked for," Carl informed.

"Good, come in," He said, and (F/N) walked in and took a seat in front of him, with the other two remaining in the door but Henry looked at them pointedly.

"Oh, right, sorry," Mary said before pushing Carl out and closing the door before they walked away, finally Henry looked and (F/N) and gave a polite smile.

"Pleased to meet you, I am Dr. Henry Wu," He introduced himself but (F/N) could only think of one thing.

*Dear god I stink,*

[vemuabhi]

ITS OKAY TO TAKE A BREAK

Stressed Reader Comfort!

Hello!!! I am so happy you requested my dear! I am so happy to write for you. Please drink water and take care of yourself. I know it’s a hard time. But don’t lose hope and don’t let stress eat you up. You are loved and you are needed.

Pairing : Sanji X Reader

Word count : 2.2K

Warnings : Not proof read, Stress, insomnia, Hurt then comfort and a very adorable Sanji

Sanji post Tagging : @ye-rin164

 Assignment after assignment. Projects, seminars and exams. Forget about dates, you are not even having time to sleep properly since the last month. Still you stayed up many nights writing all the assignments. Researching stuff needed for the seminars. Memorising all the chapters from all the subjects. Praying to get good credits every time. Even sleeping for those 3 hours a day seemed so stressful because of your piled up assignments, which your teachers just dumped on you mercilessly.

Slowly because of lack of sleep and hectic works, dark circles were visible clearly under your eyes. Headaches became regular now. You weren’t able to focus on things properly. You just… tried to go along with the flow of day. Anything you ate tasted bland making you to loose appetite. All you now wanted was a day to just… rest.

Ignoring the good morning and good night messages from a certain someone made you feel guilty. But because of work, you couldn’t even catch a break. Yes… stress was building up in you.

Researching and taking print outs for the next “group” seminar made you work even harder. Yeah as you know how there is at least one person in the group who doesn’t even attempt to do work. Now you had FREAKING two of them in your 5 member’s team. Guess what happened. You three had to now share the burden of the remaining work.

‘Good thing Sanji isn’t here to see how much of a mess I am right now’, you thought sipping your caffeine. You felt lucky that you were at least getting time to take a quick shower every day.

On the other hand, Sanji knew. He knew how terrible your work was getting, making you to give him a single reply every two days, letting him know you were alive. If you didn’t give him that reply, he’d have gotten a panic attack on how you were. No regular messages, no dates, no video calls, not a single god damn normal call. He was really getting worried. But he stayed patient.

Nami and Robin chan suggested him to go and meet you, but he thought if he went, he’d be a problem to you for not letting you finish your work. His heart was earning to see you. To hug you. To make you something to eat. To just… be with you.

As days passed, you were getting more and more annoyed and you started to have breakouts for almost everything and nothing. Even the smallest things were making you cry. Like once You even cried as you saw a small puppy outside your apartment.

You hated to cry. But because of this pressure you couldn’t even control your emotions. You felt like you were losing yourself.

At Sanji’s house, he and Zoro were doing dishes but Sanji couldn’t help but to worry about you.

“Its just a gut feeling but I cant help but to worry”, Sanji sighed.

“If you feel like shit, why not just go to her place?”, asked Zoro

“Tsk, Its not that easy. What if I interrupt her?”, replied Sanji washing his hands after giving the last plate to Zoro.

The green haired man took the plate and placed it into the shelf. He sighed and said, “Look cook. It’s okay to go and check on her once a while, If you are worried. Maybe she needs you too”

Sanji never thought of that. He was always insecure and felt that he might disturb you if he met you. But this gut feeling of his was telling him to atleast go and see you.

“In 5 minutes, I’m leaving”, the blond told his roommate before going into his room. Zoro just smirked before closing the shef door.

You sat in the corner of the room. Your books were still open and you knew you were supposed to study. Then… the negative thoughts hit you. Your brain wanted to play some tricks on you. And it chose this freaking time to do that.

‘Yeah… you are not gonna get good grades even if you do this’

‘Sanji is so hardworking. He’d be so disappointed to have a person like you as his lover’

‘All your assignments are worthless, stop giving yourself enough credit’, you looked into your mirror.

Tears slid down your face. You looked terrible. With messy hair, unwashed clothes, dirty room. You wanted to tear the place down. You were so hurt and pressured.

*Ring*

Your train of thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. You wiped your tears quickly and stumbled as you made your way towards the main door. You swung open the door and your (eye colour) orbs met the all blue orbs. The golden hair smoothly covered one of his eye. His smile brightly as seeing you.

“Aish! Y/N, how many time have I told you to check before opening the do-”, He didn’t even complete his sentence and you ran into his arms, tightly embracing him, making him to take a step back.

He instantly knew something was wrong with the way to you hugged him. He wrapped his arms around your body. You started to cry as he hugged you.

“Sanji… I… I can’t… I hate this. I don’t like this”, you whimpered between your sobs. He soothingly rubbed the back of your head.

Without breaking the hug, he pulled you inside the house and locked the door. Leaning his back on the door, with still you hugging him, he pulled you even closer. He patted your back while you buried your head in the crook of his neck.

“Y/N, look at me dear”, he asked and you slowly looked at him. His expression from worry turned to one of a sad one.

“I missed you so much”, you cried even more looking at him.

“Shhh~~ Y/N, I’m here. Please don’t cry. This hardship will pass away. Don’t let the stress eat you up”, he kissed your forehead as he calmly whispered into your ear.

Actually Sanji was also so hurt because of your situation. But if he wasn’t strong, who would encourage you.

Soothing your tears away, he kissed your eyes.

“I am sorry. I look horrible”, you sniffed and damn yes, he was not happy by the way you said it.

“Don’t ever say that. You are the most amazing and hardworking person. Give yourself a bit more credit”, he shook your shoulders as he said that.

“Listen here, you are tired, but you are still very much beautiful. All you need is a good night sleep”, he said as he pulled you towards your bedroom.

The bed was a mess. Books, papers, laptop, stationary on it. You felt embarrassed as Sanji saw you in your worst state.

“Sorry Sanji for making you see this”, you said as Sanji just made his way into the room and started to quickly clean the bed.

“You are apologising way too much Y/N. If I didn’t support you now, I shouldn’t even call myself your friend let alone your boyfriend”, he said.

Within minutes, he cleared everything up. You went towards the table to continue your work, but then, you felt your wrist being grabbed.

You looked at him and he looked at you with worried eyes.

“Y/N, I never said you should now write your paper”, he said sternly. Even though his voice was deep, his eyes showed worry.

“But I should complete it”, you said but he was quick to pull you towards him. He lifted you up with grace and walked towards the bed swiftly and plopped you on it. You couldn’t even protest because of how quickly it happened.

You tried to get up but then he decided to jump on you and cuddle you. You chuckled at how he behaved like a small child. When he heard your laugh he looked up to you, his head still placed on your chest. Oh how much he wanted to hear that laugh of yours. But you yourself didn’t knew when you fell asleep. As Sanji was looking while you laughed, you almost immediately fell asleep.

He smiled at you as you slept. He woke up and went towards your desk and sat on the chair.

Looking at the assignment that you should start, he analysed what you wrote in the roughly at the side. He took your phone and placed his thumb on the finger print scanner. Yes of course, you guys are having the healthiest relationship. He went towards the pdf of the assignment due dates and found the assignment you were working on. And damn he got angry at how many assignments you were given. The one you were working on was to be submitted the day after tomorrow.

‘Damn… no wonder Y/N had to stay up most of the night for these’, he thought as he called one of the smartest people he knew. No… it wasn’t Luffy. He has the devils Luck to pass his exams.

“Hey Robin chan! This is Sanji”, he said as he looked at the assignment.

“Hi Sanji. What happened?”, she inquired

“Robin chan, I actually need some help”, he started to ask about the assignment and how to collect the required information related to it.

Robin chan understood the situation and started to explain.

“So Sanji, Don’t waste your time searching all the websites. Just go to the websites I told you and you can see almost every possible explanation required to you”

Sanji searched on the laptop as he placed the phone between his shoulder and ear. The un-lit cigarette was dangling between his lips. The habbit of having it made him focus on things even more. But he ofcourse didn’t want to light it and make you wake up from its smell. And for gods sake, it was your divine room. He would never light a cigarette here. Soon he could see the information required to your assignment.

“Oh yes! I got it Robin chan! Thanks for your help”, he thanked her and they both ended the call after the exchanging a few more casual talks.

He looked at some other sites Robin mentioned and found everything that you required for writing this assignment. He actually wanted to write for you but, he knows that you’d feel guilty if he wrote it. So he just searched it for you. Then looked at another assignment which was the next one you had to submit in 5 days from now. So, he started to search for it and found the required information. He looked at the time and noticed that, it was already 2 in the morning. He didn’t even knew how the time passed while he searched for the information.

Sanji stretched his arms and stood up. He walked towards the bad, where you were sleeping peacefully. He smiled at you before kissing your forehead. He hugged you as he slept beside you.

The next day you woke up to the aroma of the food. You woke up from the best sleep you had. It was so refreshing and you felt so much better with it. You got up from the bed and went to the kitchen, where you saw the blond cooking for you.

You hugged him from behind as he grinned at your cute behaviour. “Good morning love”, he greeted you as he placed one of his arm around your shoulder and snuggled closer to you.

“Thanks for making this baby. I am so thankful for this”, you said pecking his cheek. He smiled and continued to make the breakfast.

“Its alright. Well, Y/N, you need to eat before you start writing the assignment. You smiled looking at him. ‘I am sure lucky’, you thought. You ate breakfast and then Sanji showed you the information he collected to write the assignment. Just when you thought you couldn’t fall in love with him more, he proved you wrong.

He was beside you leaning down with the laptop before you two as he was talking about some websites Robin chan mentioned. You placed your hand on his chin and turned him towards you then  pulled him in for a kiss.

“I think, I found the best boyfriend one could have. I’m so lucky”, you said as you hugged him

He blushed so hard when you said that.

“AHHH!! AND YOU ARE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND Y/N, I LOVE YOU TOO”

That day you both wrote the assignments together and finished them.

“Its okay to ask for help Y/N, I am always happy to help you”, Sanji said as he held the finished papers of the assignment.

You smiled back at him and said, “Thankyou Sanji. I… I’ll ask your help”

XOXOXOXO

So, I hope you liked this one shot. I felt so connected writing this. If you are facing a similar situation. Just remember. You need rest and you can always ask for help. Please give yourself credit and stay positive.

Like/Vote, Comment, Reblog/Share if you liked it!

Follow for more content!!

[unforth]

So, English-Speaking Danmei Fandom... (Part 2!)

...you saw my post yesterday and you’re like, “okay, I made a JJWXC account and now I know how much the thing I want to support costs, how do I do the actual money thing?”

Here, I’m figuring it out right now, let’s do it together. I AM STILL RELYING ON THE GUIDE BY SHOKO TRANSLATES. YOU SHOULD USE IT TOO. I have only the most basic idea wtf I’m talking about, and I only have that much because of this guide. That said, it seems to focus more on mobile, and I’m using desktop, so if you’re also on desktop my thing here might help you?

One, go to the payments page. Fortunately, they’ve made it pretty easy to find...

...by making it the one on that list that’s in RED. Handy, right? No, I don’t know what it actually says. Again, I don’t speak a lick of Chinese. I have some Japanese so sometimes I recognize characters but that doesn’t get me far, ha.

Once you click that (you have to be logged in, of course!) it’ll open up a new screen, with a list of payment options on the right. As far as I can tell, this is what the choices are:

I’m gonna take a stab at international credit card, since that’s...the only one of these I have??? I tried to figure out what the “shenzhouxing” prepaid card is but basically got no where.The Shoko Translates guide does NOT have instructions on this part, at least not for desktop? And the pages look pretty differently on desktop. Anyway. Here goes nothing...I’m mostly relying on C&P and Google translate. *sweatdrop*

So, there are two tabs, but I can’t C&P them and I have no idea what they say. However, the one on the right doesn’t have any boxes for entering stuff?? So I’m gonna stick with the left...OH. It’s a page for doing security questions. Oh god, um.

Alright. So. Put your password in the top box. For the security questions, what they say is basically irrelevant, except it’s worth noting that the default option is apparently not a question - it’s just “select one.” If, like me, you don’t know Chinese...just pick whichever questions, and put in answers you’ll remember. It doesn’t give a damn if your answers are correlated (though, the first one on the list has something to do with dad, and the second on the list has something to do with mom, I recognize those characters, ha. It doesn’t let you pick the same questions twice...and there are two near the bottom that I THINK might be “father’s birthday” and “mother’s birthday.” And one about elementary school. Sorry, I’m distractable. The point is, the questions don’t matter as long as they accept your answers! Yes, it accepts English ones, and no it doesn’t have anyway of knowing if your answers correlate to the questions at all. TAKE A SCREENCAP OF YOUR CHOSEN QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS AND SAVE IT BECAUSE YOU’LL NEED THEM AGAIN!!! Do your pattern match thingy, then click the green button, and there’s another page which looks like it’s asking me to re-enter the same answers.

Click the green button on that second page, and there’s a new page with a single line of Chinese text:

“恭喜你，密保设置成功，点击此处跳转到用户基本信息页面”

which, according to google translate, is

“Congratulations, the secret security setting is successful, click here to jump to the user basic information page.”

Guess I’ll click the thing.

ALRIGHT. So, after doing all that, it takes me back to a home page? Awesome. Whatever. As long as it worked. Click on that red one in the navigation bar again, and NOW when you go to the “international credit card payment” one...

AHA THIS IS VERY PROMISING, lol. So, based on Shoko Translate’s guide, that place drop down menu with “17″ written says “USD” after it, and that it’ll get me 10,000 points. It looks like it processes payments through Paypal; based on my experience with Paypal, that means you may not need an actual Paypal account? But I’m honestly not sure, and I’ve had a Paypal account for 20 years, so I’m just gonna, ya know, use that.

A little window pops up that I’m assuming (blind guessing) is a “this will take you to another page/open a new window, is that a thing you want?” and I clicked the option on the right, and yep, it opened my Paypal. I’ve got a card on file, so...I’m just doing that. (I’d...better make sure I actually have $17 in my account... *another sweat drop*...okay yes I have like $80, wooo...oh, crap, I accidentally paid from my business account, sigh...well, there was def money in there but I’d better pay myself back...ANYWAY.)

Do the payment thing!

It redirects back to JJWXC!

It says something in big bold letters and I have absolutely no idea what! But then it loads, and it’s all the Chinese that I now recognize as my personal account page, and when I scroll to the bottom and...

...well I have no idea what any of that says but it sure as hell LOOKS like victory. Now to see if I can actually, ya know, buy a thing! I can’t afford to get everything I’d like to at once - I’m pretty broke - so I’m going to start with Tian Guan Ci Fu. It’s my favorite danmei novel, and one of my favorite books of all time, AND it’s by MXTX so even though I can’t buy MDZS on here, I can still support her. I linked to it yesterday in my previous post (which, again, is here).

Author: 墨香铜臭 

Title: 天官赐福

Direct Link:

https://href.li/?http://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=3200611

Now...

1. scroll down to the chapter list and click on the first one that says [VIP] next to it. Click the chapter title.

2. the circled button is “select all”

3. a pop up checks if you actually meant to do that. click the one on the left to confirm.

4. scroll to the bottom, and...

5. ignore those two check boxes, you might think they’re a ToS confirmation or a “are you sure” but they’re actually about subscribing to the book (which is pointless, since it’s finished) at least according to google.

6. ...uh...shit...now I have to figure out which of these buttons actually does the thing...um...oh thank God, it’s in the Shoko Translates Guide. So, there are five buttons right below the line saying how many points I have. The first is “confirm purchase” so, ya know, just ignore the other ones and click it.

7. A dialog box popped up! It says how many I spent and how many I have left and a bunch of Chinese and two mystery buttons...thank God, again, for Shoko translates, apparently they’re “read now” on the left and “read later” on the right. I’m gonna “read now” just to see if it worked...

8. Well...it sure looks like a book??? I have the PDF translations (a copy from before it was removed, and no, I won’t share it), and, um...okay, so the first unlocked chapter is 21...oh hey, I see San Lang (三郎)! That’s, like, the only thing on this whole page I can read! lmao. Anyway, comparing, like, pagination, and the placement of the exactly one thing I can read, YES, this definitely worked!

SO.

This has been your second installment of “disaster dumb white person who speaks no Chinese liveblogs their way through figuring out how the HELL to buy danmei on JJWXC.” If this has been helpful to you, please REBLOG, SIGNAL BOOST, and more importantly, SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE DANMEI AUTHORS!!!!!!

(I own TGCF. I’m so happy omfg. 😭 😭 😭 😭 )

(and as a reminder: I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. If you have a question that requires that someone know what they’re doing, DON’T ASK ME. Instead, try the Shoko Translates guide I linked at the beginning!!! Here, I’ll even link it again. USE IT. DO THE THING.)

[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (16/17)

Summary:  “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Note: 

I know I said on tumblr I was planning on ending the story today and apologies for dragging this out longer.

The final chapter is already written out but editing is gonna take me an extra hour or so. Also, this week has been hectic, work especially has been very hectic since I'm covering a job for 3 people now while they hire. I ended up getting a little sick today so I decided to put off a lot of the asks and postings until Sunday.

I could post the final chapter earliest, tomorrow night. Latest, I'll be posting the final chapter is Wednesday. I wanna get it out soon but there are still a lot of stuff I'm hoping to fix up so, apologies for not meeting the expectations.

Thank you so much for reading though. It really means a lot to me. 

As always, feedback is very much appreciated.

“You can take a seat Hange.” Shela’s voice was gentle. She had taken her time pronouncing every syllable.

Still, something jumped inside Hange as she heard it. She gathered herself together and willed herself to make eye contact. “Sorry about that...I got a little distracted,” she said. She was starting to get a little self conscious. Did she actually jump? Was her tone too jittery? Were her eyes too wide?

The woman in front of her seemed unfazed as if she was watching Hange do something so normal as to just stare at the room in front of her for a long few seconds. Still, Hange avoided her gaze and looked around as she made her way towards the sofa.

Levi had only ever talked about how much of a hassle and how much of a pain the whole process of going to therapy was. Over time, he had started ditching the sessions altogether. Consequently, Hange had expected an atmosphere that would make her feel a little more restrained than what she had felt then.

It turned out just entering the room made her feel the complete opposite of what she had expected.

Shela’s office was more spacious than Hange had imagined it to be. Or more full of life.

Filled with too much life in a way that Hange couldn’t understand. But it seemed to hold more than the average doctor’s office she’d been to. Maybe it was the paintings on the wall or the wooden bookshelf that stood so tall and wide it was an omnipresent in the room.

Either way, it was comfortable and Hange chalked it to the rustic feel of the room. The ambiance was just too strange, the shades of the wallpaper, the rustic carpeted floor was too indulgent of her senses and she could have been taking a little more time than necessary to get to her seat.

It looked like Shela followed suit. By the time Hange had settled on the chair, Shela had still been on her way.

Shela leaned forward from her seat and reached out a hand in greeting. She seemed excited, too excited. “It’s nice to finally be able to talk to you like this, Hange Zoe,” she said.

That excitement in her voice was enough at least to pull Hange’s focus away from the ambiance of the room and towards the woman in front of her. A clear reminder that she was there for a reason.

Or two reasons. Hange corrected herself as she pulled out her file. “Thank you so much for agreeing to go through this with me,” she said. “Since Levi started having sessions with you, we kept in touch so at least we had some history beforehand… And given your background, I thought you might be the best person to give me some extra content on my thesis.”

“For your review of related literature?”

Hange nodded. “It’s not yet done. I did research already on the biological aspect but I thought you might have information on the psychological aspects of it…” She pulled out a folder from her bag and slid the file towards Shela.

Shela was quick to scan through the title. “Looks interesting. What made you pick this topic?”

“Many things...” Hange said. “I thought I would be able to help more people doing this type of thesis. And maybe I can take further studies and---”

“Does this have anything to do with Levi?” . Shela raised one eyebrow at her.

“Oh? Was it obvious?” Hange asked. She deemed it futile to have even denied it then.

Shela started to flip through the pages of the draft a little quicker. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard from him. He never replied to any of my texts.” She stood up, gesturing for Hange to continue talking as she made her way to the shelf at the back of the room.

“He went home,” Hange said. There was an awkward pause for a few seconds and she felt some inclination to fill it herself. “Back to his hometown,” she added. “He probably wanted to spend his birthday with them, or maybe Christmas. I guess this is a good time for him to go home… He---”

“So Hange, do you wanna talk about Levi? Or would you like to talk about your thesis?” The way Shela said it was far from abrasive.

From her position, Hange couldn’t even tell what face Shela was making. Yet she found herself a little shaken, particularly self conscious she was taking up precious office time. And for a few seconds longer, Hange struggled to find the right words. “There are things I wanted to ask about… Like definitely, I told you I need to discuss the psychological aspect and…”

“Well, from what I’m seeing, this didn’t need a session. I could have emailed you the pdf file of my thesis and just answered if you had any questions.”

Hange only noticed then as Shela walked back to her seat that she had pulled out two binders from one of the bookshelves.

“If you need any more sources for your thesis, you can read through this.” Shela placed the binders on the table and flipped to the last page of the thicker one. “And you can check through my bibliography for any more sources and I’m sure you’ll figure the rest out on your own. Levi told me you were a pretty good researcher growing up…”

Hange felt the blood rush to her face. That only made it harder to grasp for the right words. “When was your last session with Levi?” There were many other things Hange would have wanted to ask then. Her mouth just wouldn’t cooperate.

“A little more than a month ago. A few weeks before your finals. “ Shela answered. She rested her elbows on her lap, her chin on her hands.

“Finals ended more than two weeks ago. I was hoping he talked to you before he left.”

Shela shook her head. “No word from him.” She must have sensed the disappointment in Hange’s face because only a second later, she continued. “But maybe going home would be good for him. He might find someone to talk to there.” Her tone was cold, disconnected and it didn’t look like she believed it herself though.

“I know you would tell him to write, he told me that much about your sessions. But did he ever tell you about his stories?”

“Commander Zoe and Captain Levi?”

Hange nodded. “Oh, he did. You see, I wanted to talk to you about that. But I don’t know either whether or not I should be talking to his therapist about this...But I’m worried.”

“Why?”

“He deleted the file.”

If Shela was shocked, she didn’t show it. The only hint to any emotion in the room had been the short silence that followed. “I suspected he’d do that much,” she said.

“Suspect that much? Did he tell you something? Was there something wrong with his writing? Is he okay?”

Shela shook her head. “ I’m not in a place to tell.”

“Why did he get so attached to his stories? Why did it affect him so much that he couldn’t even accept a death?”

“I’m sorry Hange, I don’t wanna waste your time here so I’ll be upfront with you. What Levi and I talk about here stays between us.”

“I respect that.” Hange expected the answer, still she kept her tone long and drawn. She still found herself clinging to some hope that there was something Shela could share.. “I want to know though… Is this because of the injury? He lost a lot because of that and I know I was somehow involved with it but I just can’t shake off this feeling of guilt. ”

Shela sighed. “You know, I may not be able to tell you what we talked about. But I’m sure you know more about this than I do. You might even be able to contribute more insights to this discussion than I can,” she said. “Tell me Hange, what went on after our last therapy session. Did he really have finals?”

“Yes we did. I was busy too so I didn’t think too much of it then but the weeks leading up to finals are usually more hectic for any student….”

“Would you know if he still continued to write after the finals?”

“He did.”

“You seem sure.”

“He shared the document.” Hange started. She unlocked her phone and opened her drive document. It wouldn’t be there, she was sure of that but she could have saved it and it would have still been there. She forced a smile as her mouth threatened to curl down. Hange was still scolding herself for wasting such an opportunity. She let her phone fall carelessly on the coffee table in front of her and leaned back on the sofa. “So I got to read it.”

“Did Captain Levi really die?” Shela asked.

“No. Commander Hange did.”

“So before he deleted it, Commander Hange died?”

“That was the last chapter I read. Then an hour or so later, I confronted him about it, he asked me to leave me alone, then the next thing I know he deleted the file.” Hange leaned her head back on the backrest and stared up at the ceiling. “But you know, he didn’t want to believe that Hange died. She burned alive, he described it so vividly in his writing but he kept telling me, she didn’t die.

“Oh?”

“If someone burned alive, they should be dead right? Maybe there was a sequel to it that he just didn’t write yet.”

“But if Hange were alive, wouldn’t Levi have seen it through instead of doing something so rash as to delete the whole thing? Levi has a tendency of…”

Running away? Not processing things? Hange looked back at Shela and nodded slowly.

Shela seemed distracted. She was staring at something upward, mumbling to herself as if finding the right words to say. “Trying not to regret things,” she added a few seconds later.

“Regret… I noticed that. With the jumping and the injury but I wanted to ask you, if you think the story is somehow connected to how he’s processing his injury.”

“I have theories but they’re not mine to tell. Have you asked Levi yourself?”

Hange was almost tempted to laugh. That seemed like the only way her body knew how to process the last week alone in the dorm. She had sent three texts, a question about when he had gone home, a birthday greeting and a New Year’s greeting. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me anymore,” Hange said. She avoided Shela’s gaze. Somehow, her heart was racing then, her blood was rushing to her face much faster than usual and she found herself curling her fists into a ball, finding some semblance of control in them. Was she ashamed that Levi wasn’t talking to her? She shook her head. “But you know, I can try to talk to Levi.”

“What about this… I’ll contact Levi when he comes back. I’ll try to get his side of what’s been happening. Maybe I can even get him to reply.”

“Are you sure you can’t tell me anything now? Maybe even something vague. I can try to figure the rest out for myself,” Hange said. She couldn’t tell then if she had raised her voice.

Shela didn’t seem shaken at all. She shook her head again. “This is between me and my patients.”

Hange had integrity, she understood confidentiality clauses. She had been researching all her life though, and that side of her still continued to fight. Maybe if the hints weren’t all there, poking at her, just provoking, she would have given up much more easily “I just wanna understand it, I wanna understand him. Even if we don’t talk after this. Even if Levi wants to end this, you know I’m fine. I just wanna figure out for myself why he acted that way. I’m worried.”

Shela cocked her head to the side, her expression unchanging. “Believe me, I’m worried too but I can’t say much. Levi’s my patient and whatever we talk about in this room is between us.” She pushed the two binders on the table towards Hange and continued. “But I don’t want to leave you empty handed. I wrote two pieces for my dissertation which you might find useful, something personal and something professional, I can send over a copy of both of them to you over email. Or if you want a hard copy, you could have this photocopied in the library nearby. What do you think works for you?”

The digression had Hange’s lips trembling then. Shela knew things she didn’t for sure and Hange found herself tempted to even curse silently at that confidentiality clause.

She opened the cover to find the title page in black ink, in one of the most readable fonts.

Signs that suggest the reality of reincarnation and its manifestations in patients.

You got what you wanted. Hange thought to herself as she scanned the title page of the document in front of her. It was a cold and professional title. The researcher inside her should have been satisfied. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t ungrateful either. “Thank you, I’ll make sure to read it,” she said. It was still help anyway.

Another, much thinner book was pushed next to it.

Musings on a Past Life: Written by Kuchel Ackerman

“This is my own personal copy,” Shela explained. “It’s not something you should be emulating when doing research but… I thought it could give you some insight to your thesis.

“Okay, if I have some extra time, I’ll---”

No actually, let’s make this your little homework. I want you to read both pieces. And if you get a chance to talk to Levi again…”

Shela probably said something after that. At that point though, Hange was somewhere else. She had pulled the thinner document towards her and propped it on her lap, and scanned through it. She only had to read through the first paragraph on one of the final pages to understand why it wouldn’t have passed up as anything academic.

She wasn’t rattling off procedures, scientific speculations or statistical procedures. She was painting pictures of dark streets, cramped streets and a shabby one bedroom alone with a baby. She spoke of soft skin, a baby scent that never faded and illness. She reflected on loss, regret all manifesting in that last face she saw before she fell asleep for the final time.

A teary eyed face. A shaken voice begging at her not to fall asleep. And then nothing.

Maybe there was darkness, darker than the ceiling of the underground, darker than the room that had been hers and her child.

That was left to mercy of  Hange’s speculation.

It was only when she was alone in the dorm, two days after, did she reopen it. It had taken her more time than necessary to finish it and maybe it had been because she had ended up rereading whole paragraphs, flipping pages back more times than she could count.

And it was only then, after finishing that personal file did she feel compelled enough to read the official output.

She opened a page, towards an introduction, a foreword or a message. Possibly all of those at once. But it connected so seamlessly to Kuchel’s own musings.

A False Bottom.

All humans feel. Even when they say they don’t, they feel something.

Human psyche is an endless blackhole of emotions, knowledge and experiences….

There are still things psychologists cannot comprehend about the human psyche. All we can do is endeavor to make sense of it…

With this thesis, the researcher proposes that one possible explanation for unpredictable bouts of emotion, out-of-character decisions, the phenomena of irrationality is the phenomena of reincarnation…

Manifestations of our past life.

“And maybe there are emotions that transcend our worldly experiences. Maybe there are emotions that transcend the constraints of time, place and life.. It’s just a matter of believing that false bottom exists and embracing it when it manifests itself.”

And how many times did Hange allow those words to echo inside her as she sifted through page after page. Enough times at least to have her open a blank document.

As she soon found out, it wasn’t easy at all to embrace the blank document. She was completely aware she didn’t have to open the blank document, she had a half filled one already, having started on her own thesis a while back.

But something had willed her to do just that. Something inside her that wanted answers to questions, and it begged for them,  clamored for them and Hange was starting to forget who even asked it. She? Or Kuchel?

Musings of a Past Life. Hange had typed out the title days ago already. Maybe it wasn’t easy because it wasn’t her past life to write. It was Levi’s past.

Or so that was what Levi claimed when he wrote it. “Ugh…. What the hell am I doing?” Hange removed her headphones, closed her eyes tight, inhaled then exhaled. “Okay Hange. You wanted to write this thesis for Levi right? You read his whole story. This should be easy.”

She just needed to write enough to remember his story. Enough to at least shoehorn him into her own thesis.

“And after that, you never have to think about him again,” Hange said. She opened her phone again and stared at the last sent message.

January 3 6:21 AM

Wanna talk when you get back?

“I wonder…. Did you talk to Shela?” Hange asked quietly, almost to herself. But Shela would have told her right? But what if Levi told her not to tell? What if he just wanted to cut it off already?

It was an idea Hange didn’t want to entertain just yet. Thesis was looming, graduation was hanging over her head like some sort of dark cloud. She didn’t have time to deal with heartbreak.

So in the wee hours of morning, Hange composed a quick last message to Levi.

January 5 2:23 AM

Hey, I’m sorry about everything. I should have been more sensitive to your needs. Even if you don’t wanna meet after this, it’s fine. I had a great time working with you and I’ll remember these past few months :D. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.

Just assure me please. Did you get to talk to someone? I hope you did. I was just concerned. But it doesn’t matter too much now. As long as you’re okay.

And the next few actions after that were automatic.

Settings. Profile. Ignore Messages.

She had more important things to think about then. She had to admit, her inbox was starting to look a bit better without that thread she was constantly checking that had a string of messages that had been so pathetically ignored.

That last decision and the last few actions leading up to it had sapped more energy from Hange than she had expected it to. Or maybe it was the dim light of the early morning and the small yet strong light of her lamp that had her realizing how exhausted she had been then.

She switched off the lamp and fell back on the bed. The impact had shaken her to the bone and Hange found herself sinking into the mattress. She was happy to let it swallow her then.

The night was surprisingly bright. Yet, at the same time it had been a dark night, she was sure. She traced the sources of the light on the ceiling above. The light painted triangles, squares and straight cut angles. There were spots from other sources, maybe where the moon bounced on some glass objects.

Hange was too exhausted to sit up to see those refractions for herself.

She may have been too exhausted then to type in front of a computer or even sit up in bed so instead, she continued to count spots, trace the dim weak rays in the ceiling of her room, as she traced them back to the wide window, all the way to the point where she would have to crane her head to see what lay beyond. She soon realized, she still wasn’t tired enough to doze off.

The gears in her brain continued to turn. And they had only started to turn faster with all the intricate patterns the moonlight had created as it shone through the wide window of her dormitory room.

Should she close the curtains so she could get a good night's sleep? That question only occupied her for a second or so before she thought of something else.

And maybe there are sensations that transcend our worldly experiences. Maybe there are emotions that transcend the constraints of time, place and life. It’s just a matter of believing that false bottom exists and embracing it when it breaks open.

But if these emotions transcended worldly experiences, if they transcended life, then they should be unfathomable, not worth the effort of understanding.

Hange though, had been a researcher for as long as she could remember. She had mottos. She had habits. She had unshakable ways of thinking.

Turning to her side was easy. It was a quick, comfortable movement and maybe she had done it to sleep better. Or maybe she had done it to just get a better angle of the stream of moonlight that entered through the window.

Her desk sat on a familiar angle. Her laptop was open but turned off. Her bag slung over the chair.

The stream from the moonlight shone over her canvas bag and down to the floor. It created a web of intricate patterns, patterns that had Hange hypnotized at that moment. They were angular yet they were round and it would have taken hours for Hange to trace them in her exhausted state.

Yet they were hypnotizing enough for her not to want to look away. So in an effort to keep up with the challenge the moonlight had given her at that moment, she continued to reflect as she traced at it with her eyes.

False bottoms. Sensations that transcend worldly experiences, Emotions that transcend the constraints of time and space.

“But if they are things that transcend human comprehension, then how do we make sense of them?”

Ironically, it had been in the most intricate of patterns that Hange saw the answer. It had been in something so mundane that Hange had to blink twice and question it for a second longer.

“Dreams?” Hange asked, barely a whisper.

If there’s something you don’t understand, go out and learn to understand it.

She didn’t understand Levi’s dreams. She didn’t understand how his mind worked. She didn’t understand the stories he had written out.

There were things she didn’t understand for sure but there were things she remembered.

And maybe all she needed to understand something, was the right amount of hints, the right amount of crumbs to make sense of it herself. Maybe all she needed was the review of related literature, the observations and her own analysis to write a conclusion.

The dreamcatcher hung aimlessly from her canvas bag like it always did. It had been something almost unnoticeable before. Only in the night when the moon shined on it, when it had etched a large shadow on the floor, possibly even a hundred times larger than the small keychain in her bag did Hange think about it again.

And she thought about it hard enough to reach for it from the side off her bed. She stretched her hand farther and farther and in the dark, her sense of distance may have been a little worse.

She thought she had been almost there and she was pulled back into that cruel reality in a single moment, with a loud painful thud.

“Ow!” Hange quickly got up, a result of that adrenaline rush from the harrowing experience of a painful fall from her bed. She unfastened the dream catcher from her bag, on the way back to the bed, she grabbed her phone, her earphones and sat on her bed.

That time, she eased herself onto the bed and under the covers.

She held the dreamcatcher above her, tracing the purple, the green. She knew they were purple and green but under the moonlight they seemed almost blue, and maybe she could have even mistaken the purple and green for one another.

Her only hint to the shades after all were the way they reflected the moonlight on themselves.

Eventually, her arms got tired, still aching from that painful fall. She slipped the dream catcher under her pillow and turned on her side. She put one earphone on her left ear, another on her right and she turned on her phone and shuffled her music.

The dormitory was silent with everyone gone for the holidays.

Eerily silent. She was used to living alone, it wasn’t anything new. But recently, she had frequently found herself missing him, maybe missing her parents, she started to realize the silence, the isolation that came with it was almost unbearable.

So maybe she had been listening to music, maybe she had been talking to herself a little more.

And those dreams, they probably would help. Hange thought to herself as she set her phone to her side, a good distance from the edge of the bed.

She had dreamt enough to know, she couldn’t control dreams. But if they did come, they would come in hints, puzzle pieces and maybe something she could easily write down in the morning.

So she willed them to come in that silent night. She whispered to Commander Zoe. She pressed that dream catcher one more time.

Hange closed her eyes, adjusted the volume of the music and evened her breathing.

The dreams would choose when to come, if they chose to come at all. All she could do was trust in them.

***

Levi would have liked to blame the snow for his inability to concentrate.

It was fucking loud. The patter came too randomly, Levi struggled to find patterns in it. For a few seconds at a time, the snow would patter on the window in big loud waves. Other times, the snow came in plip plops reminiscent of a rainy spring day. A few times, it shifted to something slow and gentle Levi could have used it to lull himself to sleep.

It was a piece of music on rubato, and the musician was just a little too keen on leaving his audience unhinged.

And just that quick thought at least absolved Levi of any blame. He didn’t feel too much self loathing then. Just utter frustration and maybe a pinch of sadness.

The document in front of him was just a mish mash black words on white paper and for the life of him, he couldn’t imagine they could be anything else. The top section was descriptive, very descriptive that he should have been able to do so much as to smell the whore house. He should have been able to grieve the loss of a mother.

But it was just black on white.

So Levi scrolled down three pages to find a source of investment elsewhere. He found vivid descriptions of life on a wheelchair, a frequented grave but for the life of him, he couldn’t even imagine the large tree above, or the vivid descriptions of airplanes on the blue sky.

But it was just words on paper.

“What do you think?” Hange asked. She looked at him expectantly. “It’s not a lot… I’ve just been working on this in between my thesis and I don’t have much going for me but my own memories… But I rewrote some bullet points while I was trying to remember it and I just thought you know if I put my own writings in between what you have so far...maybe it could help you process it.”

“Process... it?”

“But if you don’t wanna think about it, it’s fine.”

Remember? Levi wanted to remember. Those weren’t black pixels on white pixels, conveniently strung together to make symbols. They were vivid descriptions of another world, another life for sure. But why couldn’t he bring himself to invest in it… Anymore?

“Maybe I just need a break,” Levi set aside the laptop on the side table and leaned back on the bed.

“You’re tired, injured. You could even get sick,” Hange said. “I don’t expect you to think too much of it, I just thought it would help pass the time.” She looked away guiltily.

“I’m not angry about you forcing me to get my knee checked again. Jumping in the dead of winter with a sprained knee was a stupid move.”

“I know it was. But I also know you’re probably tired of hospitals already.”

“I am tired of hospitals. But you were right. When they tested my knee, it didn’t feel right. I’m pretty sure I tore something again.”

“It was swelling… And I knew we could have just iced it but, you know you jumped pretty high, you ran pretty fast, it’s kinda scary you did that with your knee... In the middle of winter of all times of the year? God---Levi, What were you thinking? Armin told me he’d stop by the field to pick up Mikasa’s things so you know if I didn’t go out to meet him just in case he got lost, I probably wouldn’t have made it. At least Armin had half the mind to text me when you wouldn’t listen to him…” Hange trailed off. “But I wish I had arrived earlier, maybe I could have stopped you.”

“You wouldn’t have convinced me not to jump,” Levi said.

“Why do you say that?”

“No one would have convinced me. I was dead set on jumping that one last time.”

“Why did you wanna jump?”

“Closure.” It was a simple answer to a simple question. But as Levi enunciated each syllable, he became a little self conscious about how pretentiously short that answer had been. It was closure, he was sure but there were layers to that answer he couldn’t comprehend for himself in that moment.

Hange seemed to sense it too. She narrowed her eyes at him and opened her mouth ready to speak before she closed it again and let her eyes fall on the hospital bed. “Couldn’t you find closure elsewhere? Did you have to risk your knee for it?”

“What do you know? ” Levi ran his eyes over his thighs and up to his knee propped on a few pillows. He started to feel the beginnings of guilt a second later. His intention never was to offend.

What do you know? That question had been for him.

You didn’t live your whole college life jumping only to end up in a state where you can barely walk. Was that what Hange heard? Maybe. She looked like she did. After all, she was blushing then. As if she had been aware of that slight vulnerability, she bit her lip, looked away and stretched out over the side of the bed to get back her laptop.

Levi felt obligated to reassure her. “You know I don’t intend to jump again. I wish I could. But I think that last jump helped me accept that that part of my life is over.”

“So, what next?” Hange asked. “Erwin mentioned you could get surgery to fix the partial tear.”

Levi shook his head. “And skip more school then hope I can jump again? The surgery isn't necessary. The knee can heal on its own.”

“But what about other---”

“Jumping opportunities? Other athletic opportunities? I said, that part of my life is over.”

“You had a lot of talent you know.”

“You’re not the first person to say that.”

Hange managed a smile, a smile that was far from happy. But at the least, it could be contagious. “Then it was an honor to see you fly that one last time Captain Levi.”

Levi could have sworn he saw something glisten as she crinkled her eyes, a supplement to her wry smile. “I was never the captain of my team. You know that,” he said.

“That wasn’t what I meant---” Hange had been meaning to finish, or at least she looked like it. The knock on the door though had been loud and it tore through that soft conversation.

Hange stood up from her seat and opened the door slowly.

“Erwin told me you too would be here. I finished up early today so I thought I’d pop in.”

Levi nodded in greeting. He had been too ashamed to say anything else. But he was determined at least to show some respect.

“It looks like you two are talking again. Doctor Erwin told me what happened and I thought…” The moment Kuchel made eye contact with Levi, her eyes widened. “Levi… You…”

Levi found himself particularly self conscious then, he looked down at his thick sweater, at his knee. “I sprained my knee again.”

Kuchel was quick to recover. “I noticed that much,” she said. “I was talking about…” She gave him a long awkward onceover. She shook her head.

She wasn’t the only one who seemed uncomfortable then. Hange hadn’t looked back at him since Kuchel had entered the room. Her whole disposition had somehow changed in that few seconds.

“You okay?” Levi asked.

Hange didn’t answer. She booted her laptop again and angled it towards Kuchel who had approached them and set a chair next to his bed.

“It looks like you managed to let go already Captain Levi.” Kuchel said, as she cocked her head to the side and smiled.

Captain Levi. The words whispered once again inside him, too softly Levi found it easy to brush it away. “You know, you were right. The emotions would leave on their own. It still hurts but I don’t see any reason to fight it if I know it’s gonna heal eventually. That’s how closure is supposed to feel like right?”

Shela shook her head. “Closure manifests differently for each person. But it’s normal to forget when you accept. Sometimes we find ourselves forgetting why we were ever sad at all. Or sometimes we just forget the details. Or sometimes it just feels like everything was all just a bad dream.”

“These past few months since the injury, they’re starting to blur together like some dream.” He turned to Hange who was starting to seem more and more uncomfortable. He chose that moment to reflects and he started to wonder why he had even avoided her in the first place. His next few words came out automatically “ I’m sorry what I did, and about our fight last month, I wasn’t angry about the injury if that’s what you think,” Levi said. The apology came out of nowhere, it felt misplaced. He started realize that maybe he should have given that apology much earlier.

Why then?

Hange had heard the apology for sure, but maybe she had just chosen to ignore it. “But Levi, you wrote these right? These dreams?” Hange said, as if she had taken his stare then as some cue to speak. She turned to Kuchel and to Levi, her movements seemed desperate then. She had at least kept some composure in her expression.

“I wrote them out,” Levi said. “But to be honest... I’m starting to forget why I did.”

"Emotions and dreams fickle things. They come and go when they please but sometimes we wanna keep them on record so we could relive it and process it. That’s why if you wanna grasp it and preserve it before it leaves... If you wanna be able to relive it, you have to write it down. This is why I ask all my patients to write things out. "

"Levi did." Hange turned to Levi. You wrote everything down right? You showed me a while ago, you wrote this and this… Shela, if they were his dreams, his emotions...he was writing it"

Shela’s expression was unmoving. "Those dreams weren’t supposed to be his. Maybe that's why they had been just a little more fickle. Who knows? Maybe Captain Levi just took it back already.”

“Why take it back?” Hange asked

“Maybe he fulfilled his unfinished business. Maybe he found closure.”

“But Levi you should have remembered writing it? You’ve been on it for months. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten these last three months right?”

“I haven’t,” Levi said reassuringly.

“Then why aren’t you thinking about it anymore. Why am I the one thinking about it for you?” Hange pressed. There was a crack in her voice and Hange looked ready to slam her laptop on the floor.

“I remember writing it. I’m just wondering for myself why I wrote it out in the first place. Maybe because I didn’t have much to do. I got injured, I was stuck at home and you know, those days in your apartment, those days stuck in the dorm, they just blended together.”

“But you weren’t just indoors… We went out to the mountains. You were telling me these stories and you were telling me how Commander Hange was like. Levi, I felt things. I remembered all of it. You can’t just leave me hanging like this---”

Shela cleared her throat, uncharacteristically louder than usual. “You know, you seem more relaxed now. How does it feel Levi? Does it feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders? Like you walk up from a bad dream?"

Levi nodded. "I'm just wondering why I'm exhausted."

“Of course you’re exhausted, you jumped while injured in the middle of winter. But relaxed is still a different feeling altogether, particularly compared to you the past few months. When I look at you now, you seem… freer?”

Freer? Levi shrugged. When had he ever been trapped?  

For a while the room had been silent and it was Hange who broke it. "Levi, I wrote everything out, about what happened to Captain Levi in the survey corps. You may have deleted the file but I remembered them. These were your stories. These were the dreams you had. Hell, if Kuchel’s theory is correct, these are memories from your past life."

To humor Hange more than anything, Levi reread the bullet points and the effort quickly proved futile. They were bullet points of events, they could have been a timeline that Levi couldn’t for the life of him make sense of it. And he found himself a little annoyed at her tenacity.

“You still have a lot to write Hange, even I can’t make sense of it,” Kuchel said from behind. She gave Hange a reassuring pat.

The pout on Hange’s face, the way it had darkened into something similar to disappointment, had Levi almost guilty. Her emotions ran deeper than disappointment, he was sure. And for a second or so, Hange seemed crestfallen, ready to leave the room. The only thing tying her to the room then could have been her own strong penchant for seeking answers,

“You think you’ll be able to write again?” Hange asked. She looked like she could have said more. It was as if squeezing out that one sentence had sapped all energy out of her.

Levi shrugged. “Maybe I will.”

“When?”

“When the inspiration comes again.”

***

When will the inspiration come again? Hange always asked good questions and if she asked a question that couldn’t be answered, she always had an explanation to follow. Or at the least, she knew how to phrase questions in a way that could get answers.

Levi couldn’t answer and Hange wasn't helping him either. The tense silence that followed, loomed exclusively over the two of them. Although the conversation had shifted to a dialogue between Levi and Kuchel, even when Hange had kept quiet, pulling her focus back on her laptop in front of her, or her phone, the tension never left.

Levi had attempted to cut at it by focusing on Kuchel. He had provided a long drawn out explanation of his own emotions for Kuchel and in return, Kuchel had provided a long drawn out interpretation of his explanations.

Maybe drawing the conversation out longer than expected was unnecessary. In the end, the only take home Levi had for himself then was that the past few months were a blur and any effort to make sense of it would be completely futile.

Kuchel left them both in the silence, mentioning something about another meeting. Alone in the room, in the tense silence continued to haunt. It was Hange who spoke up again asking that same question. “When will inspiration come again?”

“You sound pretty fixated on my inspiration. Maybe you should write the end for yourself then.” The sudden acceptance had Levi relaxing on the bed soon after Kuchel had left the room.

“It’s not about writing… This story in particular, it meant a lot to me too.”

“I’m sure it meant a lot. It meant a lot to me too but weirdly, I just don’t care about it as much as I used to.”

“What about us?”

“What do you mean ‘about us?’”

“About us… The past few things you were writing the story and you were talking about Commander Hange and Captain Levi. That was about us right?”

“You heard my answer to Kuchel, it was a blur.”

“No, I meant about us in the past few months. Are you angry with me? Do you want me out of your life?”

“You wanna leave?.”

“No it’s not that. It’s just…” Hange breathed out, shaking her head in disbelief. “You didn’t talk to me for weeks.”

Levi looked away, hiding the wince in his face. “I told you, I’m sorry I don’t even remember why I did it.”

“So do you want me here?”

“Yes, I don't want you to leave, I thought it was obvious.”

“Well it looks like it wasn’t so obvious, I thought you’d want me to leave. You didn’t reply to any of my messages and I remembered, we’ve only known each other for months.”

“I think 'months' are more than enough for me to realize that I want you here. For a long time. Maybe longer than that.” Maybe even forever.

Did he say that ‘forever’ part out loud? He didn’t expect Hange’s smile then.

Her eyes were wide open, her lips curled up into a big smile. The overall expression on her face had seemed unreadable. She could have been mocking him, she could have been freaked out or she could have been that good balance between surprised and happy “So what are you saying? We’re soulmates?” She asked.

“You don’t believe in soulmates,” Levi said. The facade of disconnect was hurriedly done, consequently, it felt almost shoddy.

“Fate?”

“You told me yourself, you don’t believe in fate either.

“I don’t.”

“It was a choice right? Everything that brought us to this point was all just borne of choice. You made the choice to work for me, I made the choice to cooperate and here we are.” Levi felt a hand slip under his and it grabbed him from underneath. Levi didn’t have to look down to comprehend it, Hange’s face had said it all.

“But you know, I’m starting to believe in this abstract thing called soulmates. And this other abstract thing called fate,” she said

“Aren’t you a researcher?”

“I have the evidence, Levi. Someone has been coming into my dreams too and she’s been telling me about you.”

“You know, they must have been some really good dreams if they convinced you to believe in them.

“They were. They really were. And you know what, they only keep coming.”

Levi had closed his eyes long before then. And the patter on the window had mellowed to something rhythmic and along the way it had softened altogether. Whether it had been due to the even patter or through her own volition, Hange had stopped talking, her breath had evened out.

And when Levi started to dream again, the shift had been too gradual, too kind. The dreams weren’t loud, they didn't demand attention. They didn’t make themselves known. When Levi opened his eyes again, the idea that he had fallen asleep had seemed almost surreal, unbelievable.

“You can go back to sleep,” Hange said. She seemed focused on something on her laptop again.

Levi looked out the window, the sky was dark but the snow continued to fall.

“Erwin told us we could stay another night.”

“Why?”

“We’re completely snowed in.”

“Okay,” Levi said. He had attempted to go back to sleep and it had only proved frustratingly unsuccessful. The confusion at having the view by the window so suddenly shift from sky blue to complete black still had him disoriented.

So he found orientation in Hange’s concentrated look then and the white of the screen reflected in her glasses. Even behind the glare, her long lashes were noticeable, her hazel brown eyes could still be traced, the shades of brown discerned. So he continued to looked, and he had managed to pass the time much more quickly.

“How are you feeling?” Hange asked as she looked up at him. The glare of the screen disappeared from her glasses and Levi found himself unable to respond for a second longer as he appreciated the unmarred view of her eyes then.

It was a lucid view of her then that sent a pang of regret through him. It was quick and if Levi didn’t let it wash through him then, if he didn’t give it full control over him in that moment, maybe he would have never remembered it happened, maybe he would have never remembered to appreciate Hange then.

“I feel like I just had one long dream,” Levi said. maybe the dreams could have explained the slight pang of regret then. But they were too far off already for Levi to look back on. So he surrendered quickly and kept silent.

Hange didn’t hesitate to take the reins of the conversation. “I was writing.”

“About what?”

“About your dreams. I'm trying to remember what else you wrote.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t think you ever gave names to the two titans you caught for me."

Titans? Levi couldn't follow the conversation. With nothing else much to contribute, he nodded.

Hange continued. “So I named them myself.”

“What did you name them?” Levi asked, an attempt to humor her more than anything.

Hange’s face had curled to a smile as she spoke and she opened her mouth a little bit, exposing her teeth underneath. She seemed to be enjoying it. “Their names are Sonny and Bean"

Somehow, Levi was starting to get invested too. “Hey Hange, since we’re gonna be stuck here for a while, maybe you can tell me what a titan is.”

[messacademia]

06.12.2021

i am in quite an unexplainable mood. turns out the exam that was supposed to be taken on the 5th has been postponed to the 18th- so not really the most hyped. i guess this is going to be another month of maths ( and here i was thinking after the final exam being over on the 5th, i would be able to go back home in the countryside and finally- finally spend some actual proper time with my family before classes restart on the 1st of january )

it is currently 06:48 pm here and i am here preparing the pdf file i would be presenting in my tutoring session tomorrow to the junior students, while listening to music ( basically just 5sos on repeat ). the entire day today was raining heavily and omg i was?? so happy?? i simply love the rain and it's been so long since it rained and i just sat on my desk, with my small blanket wrapped around me and of course, a big cup of chocolate milk ( with a slice of the chocolate cake my mom baked yesterday ) and started reading the pdf of 'The Cruel Prince' finally ( where i live, i can't get the actual copy of it from anywhere so pdf is the only option sigh ). i would have honestly read more if only i hadn't had to go out gosh. currently going to read chapter five after i finish the pdf file i am working on.

[diavolodigitale]

Dream Sequence. Julian

A-a-and it’s over! Thank god, this one was incredibly hard to finish. I apologize to all Julian fans in advance for writing this but I am not really sorry! Well, maybe only a little bit.

All parts of the trilogy: Lucio - Asra - Julian - All stories in PDF

A part of the "trilogy" about dream encounters dedicated to Julian (because he deserves it). Nothing special, just You (or the Apprentice, or the Reader, however you view it) and Julian spending some time together (if you know what I mean, which you probably don't, so go ahead and read it, it's pretty short, I promise). My character was male, but you are free to imagine whoever you want since there are no references to it in the text.

Genres: Romance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Dreams, POV First Person, One-shot

Pairing: Julian/Apprentice(or Reader or You or Whatever)

Characters: Julian, Reader/Apprentice/You

Rating: G for Geez this one’s not so good ಠ╭╮ಠ

Size: around 2500 words yet again (what a coincidence, I know)

I open my eyes and see that everything around me is incredibly, terribly dull. It’s swamps as far as the eye can see, with only occasional floating isles of solid land. All of the trees are rotting and old. Their thin branches are reaching up like long eerie claws, with vines hanging everywhere, blocking many paths and obscuring the landscape. I cannot see the sun; the whole sky is covered with heavy clouds ready to burst any minute.

It doesn’t take me long to figure out whose dream this is. Being here alone brings me no satisfaction so I immediately venture to find the owner of this gloomy realm.

After a few minutes of aimless wandering, I finally spot a figure leaning on a broad tree trunk. I would have probably missed it, was it not for its white broad shirt floating in the wind.  

Before I can come close enough to make my presence known, Julian looks in my direction. He doesn’t seem surprised and displays something more akin to mild excitement.

“I have not expected to see you here, but now that I have, I don’t want to imagine what would happen if I didn’t!” he shouts and waves at me.

I give him a smile and approach. My boots are already sodden and I am just glad to stand on the solid ground and not ankle-deep in mud.

“So, what are you doing here?” he asks, leaning back against the tree with arms crossed on his chest.

“Looking for you, of course,” I say, trying to shoo away the annoying insect that seems to have gotten stuck in my hair.

“Oh, how sweet of you,” he says and winks, grinning all the time. “You’re certainly a sight for sore eyes.”

“And why exactly are you here?” I ask. I know that the majority of ordinary people cannot control their dreams the way magicians do, but there still has to be a reason why Julian is in such a place out of all the possible options.

“As far as I can tell, it’s just your regular old meaningless dream, so, probably, no reason. Although now that you are here, I start to doubt that,” he says and squints at me, his gaze full of artfulness.

I roll my eyes and purse my lips.

“No, no, I’m serious!” he says hastily. “I just started to miss you, and now you’re here so I... I’m just glad to see you. And I do want to spend some time with you now since there’s hardly anything better I could be doing here.” The usual grin is back on his face and I cannot help but give him a smile in return.

“You are truly unbearable, you know that?” I ask, raising my eyebrow.

“Well, then…” he mutters and I notice how his back arches against the tree he is leaning at.

“Well, then...?” I repeat and raise my eyebrow even higher, waiting for him to elaborate. I can guess what crossed his mind, but with Julian I can never be sure about anything.

“Perhaps, I deserve to be disciplined…” he proceeds intriguingly, starring at me, hardly trying to hide the hunger in his eyes.

I shrug and curve my lips, pretending to have no idea what he is talking about.

Julian sighs impatiently and pulls me by my arm, making me bump right into him. I hear his breath quickening and feel the tight grip on my wrist which signals that he probably does not intend to let go.

“Let’s just say, you have my permission to be a bit more… rough today. I do deserve a punishment after all,” he whispers and gently traces my neck with the tip of his nose.

I sigh quietly. Sometimes I give in to one these moods of his, but it just cannot go on like this forever. Not the way he makes it at least.

“To deserve a punishment, you first have to actually convince me you did something bad, Julian,” I say and carefully pull away from him.

He furrows his brows as he is taken aback by my response. Soon, however, he plasters another toothy smile on his face and lightly tugs at my arm.

“Oh, so you want me to beg for it, I see. Fine by me, I even like this idea a little more…” he says and kisses me behind my ear.

I enjoy his closeness but cannot stop worrying that there is no getting through to him because of how obsessed he is with his feeling of guilt. I decide that there is no other way for me to resolve this other than changing my strategy, so I try to soften the expression on my face and push him against the tree.

“Actually, I thought, maybe I could ask you to be rougher with me,” I whisper, doing my best to sound sincere with my request, and rub my nose on his cheek.

I feel him tremble with his whole body and pray to all gods that my plan works.

“Me?” he asks in disbelief. I look up at him, my eyes full of plea and sincere wish, and he immediately gives in. “Right,” he says and lets out a nervous laugh,” I cannot be the only one who gets all the luxury. It’s only fair if I… If I…”

I nod agreeingly and tilt my head back a little, exposing my neck. I see the uncertainty in his eyes and stroke his face gently to encourage him.

I realise that I myself seem to start shaking, expecting eagerly for him to act, and I can neither understand why nor stop it. There is always a certain tension between us at moments like this, yet this time is feels different.

Julian wraps his arms around me, continuing to stare fixedly at one point on my neck. I feel my heart rate escalating and pray that he does something already because the wait is killing me.

He leans in and lands a few careful kisses on my neck. They seem to be as pleasant and gentle as always so I find myself enjoying them and even am able to relax a bit. Lingering uncertainly for a few seconds, he finally decides to give it a try and quickly bites me at the base of my neck. I yelp as it hurts a little more than I expected, and he immediately jerks back.

“I am so, so sorry!” he yells, his eyes round and full of guilt and fear. “Are you okay? Is there any blood? Let me take a look at it. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

I reach to the spot where he bit me before he does anything and feel it with my fingers. There obviously is no blood as he hasn’t bitten even remotely violently enough to pierce my skin. I exhale with relief and look at his worried face.

“Oh, please, forgive me, I will never do it again! What was I even thinking?” he says and pulls on his hair, sliding down the tree trunk.

I squat beside him and lift his face by the chin to make him pay attention to what I want to say.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, feeling the waves of guilt for what I made him do starting to wash over me.

“Horrendous,” he says, his eyes already trimmed with red. “And guilty, and sorry, and…”

“That’s also how I feel when I hurt you, Julian. That’s what I wanted you to understand,” I finally muster and feel the heavy burden lifted off my shoulders.

He squeezes his eye shut and bumps his head against the tree behind him.

“How foolish of me… I have never even thought about that before. I don’t know how you can forgive me for this,” he mutters. It looks like he wants to reach out and grab my hand, but decides to jerk back when our fingers nearly touch.

I take his hand into mine and the leather of his glove feels cool against my skin. We’re both exhausted so the sooner I end this conversation the better.

“I don’t want you to feel guilty or sorry, I just want you to respect yourself more. Don’t sell yourself short, you also deserve care and affection, just like everybody else,” I say, stroking his hand. “There is time and place for everything, of course, so if you want me to, I can treat you differently, but I don’t want to see how you look down on yourself all the time.”

Julian’s lips stretch into a wide sincere smile and he looks at me with all the warmth that a single person can hold.

“I am such a fool, even the manifestation of you I have in my mind is much smarter,” he says quietly.

I look at him questioningly, not understanding what he is trying to say.

“This single dream is the best and most useful one I have had in years. Now that you’ve opened my eyes... I will not make the same mistake when I wake up and meet the real you again, my darling,” he says and lovingly strokes the side of my face.

“Julian…” I begin, not even knowing how to approach this, “you do know that this is me, don’t you? I am not something you made up in your sleep, this is actually me.”

I watch his eyes that were so calm moments ago become wide again and slide closer to him. The last thing I want is for him to have a breakdown because of me.

“I am… the worst,” he simply says and sighs.

“That’s not true,” I object and kiss him softly on the lips. He returns my kiss with triple the force, and I feel like I’m melting under his touch.

All of a sudden, a big heavy droplet lands right on my nose and, disappointed, I am forced to open my eyes. Soon, many more of them follow, and before we know it, we are both sitting soaking wet under a tree that has absolutely no means to protect us from the rain.  

I am worried for Julian so I look him up and down to make sure he is alright. I notice his now half-transparent shirt sticking to the skin on his chest and his shoulder and hastily look away, but he has followed my gaze and is already grinning at me again.

“We should seek shelter,” I say, trying to shout above the storm that is starting, and help him up from the ground.

“Agreed, I am not a fan of drenching in the rain, even if this is a dream. Come on,” he says and confidently wraps his hand around my waist, “I know just the place for us to hide.”

Soon the rain turns into a downpour and we have to run for our lives to avoid its stinging heavy droplets almost bruising our skin. The place is magical, after all, and so is the rain, so it’s much more unpleasant than any other rain I’ve ever experienced. I suspect that the place is in such a state of gloom precisely because of how Julian feels but I keep it to myself and follow his lead. Even while running, he holds my hand tight and turns around every minute or so to make sure I am fine and able to continue going.

I trust Julian to choose the path among identically looking withered trees the branches of which are interwoven with different sorts of creeping plants. My trust pays off when we arrive at a cave entranced which is carefully tucked away behind tall dry bushes. I definitely wouldn’t have noticed it if I were to look for shelter on my own.

The cave is rather small, there’s barely enough room for it hold two people and an impromptu campfire, but we manage. Most of the twigs we are able to gather are completely wet, so I have to use a bit of magic for the sparks to finally start the fire. Julian is ecstatic about what my magic can do while I am silently thanking Asra for teaching me this trick right in time for me to be able to use it now.

Being able to catch our breath in the modest sanctuary provided by the cave, we relax a bit and ponder over what we can possibly do here with such limited possibilities.

I sneakily peer at Julian to make sure he is okay (or so I tell myself at least). He’s in a better condition than I expected, breathing deeply and with his cheeks pink from running, but still drenched to the bone. I cannot help but lower my gaze a bit and notice that his shirt is now sticking all over his upper body, contouring every muscle.

It goes without saying that he immediately catches my glance and reveals his teeth in a predatory grin. I must’ve been gawking at him for too long. It makes me feel embarrassed so I shift my gaze to the fire before me.

“Oh, no need to be so shy, after all, my view here is not much worse than yours,” cackles Julian and slides closer to me.

I doubt his words, remembering that I am also wearing a travelling cape given to me by Asra on one of the holidays we celebrated together in our shop.

It suddenly dawns on me that I actually know the spell that can dry our clothes so I think about using it to help out Julian, but then hesitate. He doesn’t seem like he really needs it now and I am somehow amused by the idea of him staying the way he is.

“How are you feeling? Want me to dry your clothes?” I ask to get rid of the pricks of my conscience.

“No, I don’t think so,” predictably says Julian. “I haven’t felt this good in a while, actually. What about you?”

“I am… fine,” I say. I really am fine but feel hesitant about saying it because it seems to me that he wanted to hear something else instead.

Julian pouts and only nods silently to my reply.

Not knowing what to do, I take off my cape and wrap it around his shoulders to make sure at least the exposed areas of his skin are covered with soft cloth. It makes absolutely no sense since we’re still in a dream and I have a dozen other ways to help him if he wanted me to, but it just feels like the right thing to do.

His smile softens somehow and I see the tips of his ears, which are sticking out from his wet auburn hair, growing red.

“Come here,” he says and motions me to come sit on his lap.

I oblige and soon lean my back against his chest with his long legs resting on my sides. He lets his slender fingers slide into my hair, combing it and scratching the delicate skin on the back of my neck. It’s a very calming and pleasant feeling, so I close my eyes and let myself get some rest.

“You know…” I start, feeling that I simply have to say it.

“Mm?” he mutters, preoccupied with my hair.

“That… what you did… wasn’t so bad,” I say shyly, hoping he will still understand even with me sparing him the details.

Julian’s fingers stop moving and he tilts his head to take a cautious look at my face. Before he can come up with any ludicrous remarks on the topic, I hurry to elaborate.

“Well... it’s you, so I know you’ll never hurt me or… And I’ll also never really hurt you, so… You know… You understand, don’t you?” I ask pleadingly. This turns out to be much harder than I expected. “Sometimes I’m just not in the mood and I want to be gentle with you. You deserve it.”

“I do?” he only asks.

“Change my mind,” I reply playfully, thinking that I will most likely regret it later.

I hear him chuckle and a second later feel his teeth carefully nibble at the base of my neck a few times. It tickles more than it hurts so I follow the reflex and tilt my head back to make him stop.

“If I do, will I ever be able to change it back?” he asks curiously, slides his arms in front of me to hug me and begins to trace circles on my stomach.

“With enough effort, everything’s possible,” I say, positioning my body a bit lower to rest my head on his chest.

“That’s good to know.”

[pain-somnia]

A Rhythm That Guides

Rated: M Pairing: SasuSaku Disclaimer Day’s Notes: This fic is an exclusive on Patreon. At least Part 2 and the soon to be posted Part 3 are. I wanted to surprise everyone by releasing the first part if Biden won the election. A Rhythm That Guides is my Incubus AU which has art created by ceejss that you can find in this links: part 1 & part 2 Part 2 is only a sneak peek but you can find the High Res versions on her Patreon and also in PDFs on mine for special tiers.

I hope you enjoy my Incubus AU. Part 1 can be read as is with no continuation if you like...but there are more parts of it if you want to follow Sakura and Incubus!Sasuke’s journey.

Part One

It was happening again.

Lately, in his afternoon lecture class, he was getting a painful empty feeling in his lower stomach. He wasn’t eating as much as he used to during his lunch break so that could have explained the empty feeling.

But the throbbing between his legs was making Sasuke consider that perhaps, something else was going on.

The lecture would barely be halfway through the hour and Sasuke was finding himself adjusting himself in his seat to discreetly hide the rising tent in his pants.

Luckily he sat in the back row, but it was getting ridiculous how often it was happening.

Nearing twenty and in the beginning stages of adulthood, Sasuke realized—a little later than he should have considering how obvious it was—what exactly was to blame for his predicament.

Or more specifically, who.

Turning in his seat, Sasuke created more space between himself and the girl sitting just a single space down the row from him.

Sasuke had been affectionately labeled a late bloomer by his mother when his father had expressed concern in his disinterest in humans of either gender.

“He’s going to have to feed eventually,” his father had grunted, not at all pleased when his mother pointed out the decrease in his consumption of human food she regularly made to feed him and herself.

“Meal times will be lonely once I’m the only one that needs to eat,” she had grumbled, taking his half eaten dishes away.

Sasuke wished he took after his human lineage instead. It would have been so much easier if he didn’t have to worry about how he was going to be getting his meals for the rest of his life on top of all of his course work.

Sighing to himself, he turned a page in his notebook and continued taking notes. He would just have to suffer through the ache.

.

.

Bending over slightly, Sasuke picked up his sports drink from the bottom of the vending machine. He could do without the sweetness of it but he desperately needed to replenish his electrolytes.

As soon as his class had ended he fled the lecture hall and put as much distance as possible between him and the source of his problems. He knew he would start to hunger for a different energy source but it made it all the worse that temptation sat with only a space between them.

When the new semester had started, Sasuke did what he always did: he found the seat farthest away from other students. It wasn’t that he disliked other people. He just didn’t want any distractions.

Sasuke had always been like that, studious to a fault. At first it was to impress his father, but he learned later on that he quite enjoyed having his name at the top of the board with all of the exam scores. He moved away from trying to make his father pay more attention to him and worked to make himself happy.

And his road to happiness required a degree in engineering.

He knew he could have picked another school, one that catered more to those of his kind, but he didn’t want to go to just any school he wanted to go to the school. Even if that meant attending a school with a high human population.

I have so many regrets now, he thought as he took a big swig of his sports drink.

Sasuke wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and sighed. He was going to have to stop by a canteen for snacks if he was going to survive the rest of his day.

Eating usually sustained him for a few hours. It did nothing to fill the empty feeling in stomach but it allowed him to focus more on his lectures and labs until he could get home and try to sleep away the ache.

At least that’s what he hoped would happen. It was getting harder and harder to quell the hunger.

.

.

Sakura buried her nose into her textbook, pretending to be deep into her reading. Peering over the top she caught hold of heated dark brown eyes and quickly averted her gaze back to her textbook.

What did I do? She wailed inwardly and mentally flipped through the past few days searching for the offensive thing she may have done.

She couldn’t recall a single moment that she had even spoken to her classmate. Why was he so angry with her?

He probably figured me out…

Although she had never spoken to him, Sakura couldn’t help how smitten she had become over her classmate.

Uchiha Sasuke was a quiet boy. He didn’t seem to be a part of any of the circles and mostly kept to himself and his studies. If she didn’t see him in class, she would usually find him in the library or in the computer labs.

Sakura mostly made her own lunches and snuck them into her bag when she went to the library but when she visited the cafeteria she would find him grabbing some onigiri to go. She wondered how he kept going with their long days if he only ate rice and snacks. Humans couldn’t live off of sports drinks.

Sakura had been considering joining a study group but had been procrastinating. She had started to drift from a circle she had joined in a previous semester because of an extremely flirtatious upperclassman.

He was too touchy for her comfort but it was mostly the fact that he took any opportunity he could to complain about Uchiha Sasuke.

I guess an incubus wouldn’t like to share the attention.

Sakura shrugged off his comments and made sure there were at least two of her human upperclassmen in the same room. They were already used to the circle hopping incubi and succubi that used the campus as their hunting grounds and usually helped the underclassmen steer clear of them when they weren’t interested.

She guessed, in a way,  it made sense why the incubus upperclassman felt threatened.

Uchiha Sasuke was quiet and polite but mostly he was really attractive. And it helped that he didn’t flirt with anything that moved.

An herbivore maybe? Sakura had joked to herself once.

Well now her quiet classmate was glaring daggers at her and she had no idea why.

And yet he is still beautiful while angry. The gods are so unfair.

Sakura kept her head down and she waited for the professor to arrive. She hoped he got there soon.

.

.

It was irritating how dangerous a blush could be.

Haruno Sakura was fair in coloring with pale skin that colored easily.

Sasuke had wondered if she was a regional dryad when he first saw her hair and eye color. Humans had a tendency to dye their hair but her eyebrows and pale, untouched lashes proved her to be a natural rose gold haired person. There was a chance of her being descended from a cherry blossom tree nymph.

But she was obviously human—or at least too far down the family tree from any possible nymph—without him having to ask.

“Is this computer taken?” Sakura asked, pink dusting the apples of her cheeks.

Glittering sea foam green eyes cast to the side shyly and the biting of a plump lower lip was just a reminder that Haruno Sakura was an above average beauty, even when compared to incubus standards.

It would be difficult to find a tastier looking meal.

What the fuck?

Disregarding that passing thought, Sasuke looked around the room for an available computer station. Even if there wasn’t one she could still switch computers with someone that wasn’t working yet.

“You should find a different computer,” he snapped when she reached for the chair. He gripped the top of the seat’s back and attempted to stare her down.

Pale green eyes went wide and the trembling of her lower lip made Sasuke’s stomach drop. He instantly regretted his behavior despite the fact that he needed her as far away from him as possible. Sasuke opened his mouth to ease the situation when, with more strength than he had expected, Sakura yanked the chair out from under his hand.

“Unfortunately for the both of us, this is the only available computer station,” she said hotly, face flushing red. She sat down and propped her textbook up so that she could reference it for notes.

A side effect of his awakening incubus nature was a heightened awareness of the emotions of different creatures. Sasuke could feel her irritation and her anger rolling off of her in hot waves. Her anger did nothing to quell the ache in his lower abdomen. Instead, heat pooled lower and a familiar twitching had him exhaling deeply through his nose.

“Shisui likes to get Izumi angry on purpose,” Itachi━who had lucked out and had taken after their human mother━━had explained once when he and his spouses were visiting. “Something about more flavoring.  He never gets me angry like that but then again, I’m more likely to withhold if angered. It affects him more.”

It was something that he had absolutely no interest in knowing about his older brother and his in-laws but it had explained a lot about Shisui’s behavior on certain days. Shisui was like his father, faithful. It was a strange trait for an incubus but it was one that ran in the Uchiha family. They married their partner━or partners like in Shisui’s case━and fed from them exclusively. It was interesting to watch how Shisui and his spouses functioned in comparison to his more traditional father.

But at the moment he was just irritated to know he shared a similarity with Shisui of all people.

The sound of fingers pounding down on the keyboard next to him lightened to a steady stream of light tapping. Sasuke chanced a glance from his peripheral vision at his neighbor.

Something glittery caught his eye when Sakura tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. The shorter strand curled around her ear and revealed a trio of silver studs along her lobe. His eyes trailed from her ears to her cheeks, the color had faded out as her temper cooled.

Her eyes squinted, a crease forming between pale brows as she contemplated her next keyboard strokes. Eyes drifting from the wrinkle between her eyebrows, Sasuke eyed the way she bit her lower lip at the right corner.

As she worked the scent of desire had diminished from her direction. Her anger hadn’t quelled it but her focus on her assignment had overcome the secondary feeling. It drifted to a quiet buzz, the way a few humans got when they were near someone they were innocently attracted to.

Sakura continued to work, not bothering to try and chat with him, like she always did in their shared lectures. That was the part Sasuke never understood. She never bothered him outside of handing him the exit slip for their lectures or to get around his seat.

And yet her existence was hard to ignore.

She wasn’t the only human at their university that was attracted to him. He wasn’t oblivious to the stares and to what people assumed was subtle brushing against his body.

So why exactly was she such a problem?

Sakura sighed and pushed her keyboard away from her. The action caused her propped textbook to slide upwards  against the monitor and system unit and fold in on itself.

“Oh, shoot!” Sakura hissed under her breath as the book began to fall. She fumbled with it as it slipped off of the desk.

He hadn’t intended to reach for the textbook. It was mostly reflex that had him making a grab for it. It hadn’t even occurred to him until after it was safely in his hands that catching the book would give away the fact that he had been paying far more attention than he should have been. He shouldn’t have been paying any attention at all.

“Thank you,” Sakura murmured as he handed back the book. Her face did the thing again where it colored easily, pink spreading across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose.

Great.

Sasuke sucked in some air to try and distract himself from the heat pooling in his groin. It wouldn’t do for his hunger to manifest itself as a lump in his jeans.

Quickly logging out, Sasuke grabbed his belongings and made a swift exit.

He needed to get as far away from her and her dangerous blushes as possible.

.

.

It was odd. He could still taste the slices of tomatoes his mother had chopped up. They slid across his tongue, still tangy and cool from having just been taken out from the refrigerator, every bit as tasty as it always was but it didn’t hit his stomach the same way.

“Is everything alright?” Mikoto stopped in her stirring as she eyed the way Sasuke’s mouth twisted and he pushed away the plate of his favorite fruit.

“I ate like three tomatoes worth of slices and I’m still hungry.”

“Oh.” Mikoto looked down at the pot on the stove and frowned. “Should I make more or…?”

“I don’t think it would matter if I ate more or not at this point.”

Sasuke’s jaw clenched as the ache in his stomach stung sharply. He was running out of time.

He had hoped he would never have to deal with this problem. His older brother Itachi never did—he turned out to be human, no matter the fact that he was almost perfect in everything he did, he was human through and through.

Sasuke had figured if his brother ended up being human then he would get passed over as well. Unfortunately, genetics weren’t on his side on this one.

Clearing his bowl and wiping down his spot at the kitchen table Sasuke bid his mother goodnight, calling it in for the night.

Without bothering to turn on the lights for his bedroom he peeled off his shirt and kicked off his house slippers before collapsing onto his bed. He yanked his duvet out from under him and pulled it over his head.

“I don’t even want to touch anyone like that,” he sighed.

As soon as he had the thought, his mind flashed him an image of pink hair and red blushes clashing with jade colored eyes.

I’m not entertaining that.

Sasuke curled into a ball and clutched a pillow to his chest. Maybe tomorrow he would be less hungry.

.

.

It was like he hadn’t eaten in days.

There was nothing that could have distracted him from the pain in his lower stomach. It was pride that had him struggling to get to class. That and an exam later on in the day that he couldn’t afford to miss.

Traveling by train was a hassle due to the amount of attention he was attracting.

“Never let yourself starve,” Shisui had warned him weeks ago when the signs of transition were revealing themselves. “Your body will go into starvation mode and release pheromones that attract nearby humans that you can feed on. That may sound helpful, but it gets chaotic in public spaces.”

Sasuke was forced to exit the train five stations away from the university station and call a taxi company that specialized in otherworldly patrons. A pair of high school girls were inching closer and one middle aged man had already brushed his back against Sasuke’s chest much too often to be blamed on the rocking of the train car.

He wouldn’t survive the rush of travelers that would hop on the train at the central station.

“You don’t look good, kid.” A single horned demon cab driver turned in his seat to look back at him. “I could drop you off somewhere you can get easy prey.”

What, did he have a sign on his forehead that read “Starving Incubus?”

“Take me to K Uni,” Sasuke growled out more forcefully.

Incubus physiological issues weren’t going to get in his way of passing the semester with top marks.

The demon gave him a disapproving look before pulling away from the curb. He muttered something derogatory that Sasuke chose to ignore.

Sasuke was dropped off as close as possible to the building he needed to get to but it still wasn’t enough. He weaved through campus, taking the least crowded hallways to get to his destination.

“Fuck.”

Sasuke ducked under a stairwell and slid down against the wall to the floor. The hunger pains were getting worse.

Exhaling deeply through his nose, Sasuke resigned himself to missing his two lectures for the day and then braving his way to his exam. He would just have to hide out. Luckily he was in a part of the building no one used, choosing instead to use the staircase and elevators on the opposite side of the building than the ones that faced the cafeteria.

Unzipping his jeans to make more room for himself without actually whipping his penis out Sasuke sighed out, grateful for the few centimeters of relief.

Sasuke rubbed his forehead with the heel of his palm. Unlike erections from his youth, he was having difficulty willing his current predicament away with meditation. It wasn’t arousal, it was hunger. And it wasn’t going to be going away just because he wanted it to.

Closing his eyes, Sasuke leaned his head back and tried to focus on the cool cement wall behind him.

“Uchiha-kun?”

Oh, no. No. No. No!

“Uchiha-kun are you, okay?”

Of course Haruno Sakura would be the one person that chose to walk in a secluded part of the building. Of course it would be the last person he wanted to see him in such a state.

“Do you...need assistance?”

Or maybe...she was the perfect person to find him?

“Uchiha-kun, do you need me to get someone? Or something?”

Her voice was warm and full of concern and just so inviting. The tone promised she would do anything to help him. Anything.

Opening his eyes, Sasuke let out a groan. This just wasn’t his day.

Sakura squatted so that she was eye level with him and tossed her bag on the ground. The hem of her blue button down shirt dress rode up her thigh, revealing more of her legs than he had seen before.

“You look a bit feverish…” she mumbled, placing a cool hand against his forehead before sliding the back of it against his cheek. “You’re really—“

Her sentence was caught off when she gasped. Her skin was so cool and he was so hot that he had leaned into her touch and pressed a kiss to her wrist.

“Um, Uchiha-kun?” Sakura squeaked and Sasuke took advantage of her shock to take hold of her hand and press an open mouthed kiss to the inside of her wrist and dragged his lips up her palm.

He wasn’t sure of what he was doing, but something inside him was telling him to take her slim fingers into his mouth and nibble at the tips.

“Uchiha-kun…?”

Already in his presence for too long, Sakura’s green eyes glazed over and she was beginning to pant. Sliding his left hand up her thigh over her dress, Sasuke gripped her hip gently and tugged her so that she would fall on to his lap.

Sakura’s breath hitched when Sasuke pressed his forehead to hers. His glasses slid down the bridge of his nose and lightly tapped against her face. Nudging her nose with his, Sasuke pressed his lips against hers, guiding her into opening up for him with hesitant movements. Sakura returned his kiss, running her tongue along the seam of his mouth.

Every sigh and moan lightened the ache in his stomach. Sasuke rolled his tongue against Sakura’s and brushed the underside of her right breast, gently strumming his fingers against her ribs.

“Mmh!” Sakura made a sound of surprise as he gave a small breast an experimental squeeze.

Sasuke groped around with his thumb, circling a hardened peak through the cloth of her dress. Sakura grunted in frustration as he avoided the places she longed for him to touch.

Irritation rolled off of her in waves as she bit down on Sasuke’s lip, tugging it as she pulled away from him. Sasuke couldn’t help the upturn of his lips as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and puffed out an exhale to blow hair out of her face.

The more frustrated she got the more her arousal spiked. Her body was demanding release and as much as Sasuke’s hunger clouded mind wanted to give it to her, there was another part that wanted to prolong the moment.

Since the start of the semester, Haruno Sakura had been a nuisance. Every shared lecture she would distract him with her not so subtle glances and the smell of fresh linens and apples whenever she passed him to get to her seat.

So he wasn’t in any particular mood to just get it over with.

Slowly, as not to frighten her off, he slid his hand up her thigh under her dress. He pulled her in closer by cupping the back of her neck and thumbed smoothing circles along her jaw.

Sasuke was sure lack of experience would cause him to stumble, but apparently being an incubus did have its perks. His heightened senses guided him and he was sure he was moving exactly the way Sakura wanted him to. Not a single intake of air or moan was hidden from him.

“Oh!” Sakura buried her face in the crook of his neck as his fingers slipped into the front of her cotton boy shorts.

With two fingers he lightly traced the velvet soft nether lips and hummed in delight at the way Sakura trembled at the slight touch. He wondered how much of it was the exposure to his incubus pheromones and how much of it was her own sensitivity.

Stroking inward, Sasuke groaned at the moisture pooling between her legs. His stomach clenched, cramping with a sudden pang of pain. He slipped his middle finger inside and curled it, feeling her walls and stretching her a bit. He pumped slowly, keeping alert for any signs of distress, and then with his thumb circled around a curious, knobby bit of flesh right above her entrance.

It was almost instant the reaction he got out of Sakura. She gasped and curled inward on herself, clutching his shoulders.

“Please…” she begged, swiveling her hips hesitantly. “Please, oh, please!”

Sasuke gave in and pressed his thumb directly on her clit, massaging it and rubbing circles, adding pressure to it and listening to the change in pitches of Sakura’s moans. Slipping in his ring finger as well had Sakura letting out a strangled cry. Sasuke paused, worried that he had hurt her when she whimpered.

But then Sakura grinded her hips against his hand and he resumed pumping his fingers and twirling his thumb in the way she seemed to enjoy.

“Hm!”

Sakura caught him off guard by taking his face in her hands and lifting his face up to hers. Their teeth clanged together from her eagerness, but Sasuke allowed her to relax and settle into a languid meshing of lips all on her own.

A moan rolled into his mouth and it caused a delightful shiver to run down his spine. Sasuke increased the pace of his pumping fingers and the rubbing of his thumb, coaxing more of Sakura’s little moans. He shuddered when one particular moan of hers hit at the same time the walls of her core fluttered and clenched around his fingers.

That was good…

Sasuke pulled his fingers out, smirking at the dejected whimper that fell from Sakura’s lips. He slipped the fingers that had just been inside of her gathering her fluids and sucked on them. His stomach growled, needing more.

Sasuke laid Sakura down on the linoleum floor and tugged on her panties, dragging them down from her legs. He kept an eye on her face for any signs of protest but instead what he got was Sakura shimmying her hips to assist in helping him peel away her undergarments.

“Huh?” Sakura blinked her unfocused eyes as Sasuke adjusted their positions so that her upper body was lying on the ground and her legs were lifted onto his shoulders. “What are you━?”

She cried out in shock as he cupped the pert rounds of her backside and pulled her up to his mouth. Sasuke let out a breathy chuckle before flattening his tongue against her core and giving it one long lick upwards, flicking her clit at the end of the stroke.

Sasuke groaned, pressing open mouthed kisses to her core as Sakura covered her mouth with her hands to reign in her moans.

No matter how hard she tried to keep quiet and hide her reactions, Sasuke felt them all as they warmed his lower stomach, easing the ache he had been suffering through for weeks.

I wouldn’t have been avoiding this if I knew how good it felt to feed.

Sasuke wrapped his lips around the bundle of nerves that caused the most delight and sucked on it. He adjusted his hold on her to slide his right hand around so he could slip his fingers back inside and thrust them in and out in tandem with the oral attention he was giving her clit.

It didn’t take long for Sakura to tense up, thighs squeezing together around Sasuke’s head as she held on tight to her orgasm. Sasuke licked languidly at her core, letting her ride it out as long as possible.

The better she felt the less empty his stomach felt. The only problem was the throbbing between his legs.

Sasuke laid Sakura back down on the floor. Her dress bunched up around her hips, showing off her bare pale legs and the tuft of glistening pink curls at the peak of her thighs.

She was so pink everywhere. Her hair, her flushed face, even down below she was just so pink.

Sakura peered up at him from beneath wet, pale lashes. Her chest rose with each harsh pant as she tried to settle down her breathing. Sasuke was just about to call it off—perhaps he had reached the limit as to how much Sakura could take at once—when she lifted the hem of her dress further up, dragging it to bunch up at the cinched section below her breasts.

Swallowing hard, Sasuke sat up on his knees and tugged his jeans lower on his hips.

“Holy…” Sakura shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “That’s not going to fit.”

It was a part of the incubus anatomy that Sasuke hadn’t considered causing him any issues before. Sakura was petite, much smaller than he was. The size difference would be a challenge.

Especially considering incubi had much, much larger members than humans.

“It’s going to be fine,” he assured her, kneeling in front of her.

He spread her legs wider and pulled her up so that she was propped on his lap. It was a move that had his cock brushing the entrance of her core and he groaned at the heat radiating from her.

Sasuke pressed the head of his cock and watched Sakura’s eyes as they widened when he inched further in.

Sakura whimpered as he stretched her further. Even with all of the foreplay earlier, Sasuke was still much too big for comfort. Sasuke soothed her by stroking her thigh. Sakura reached up and took his hand in hers and intertwined their fingers.

“Keep,” She panted, “going.”

Gripping her hip with his other hand, Sasuke steadied her as he pulled out and thrust back in. He kept his thrusts shallow, hoping to get her accustomed to having him inside of her.

“Oh!” Sakura tightened her hold on his hand when he sank further in, finally able to slip past the tight passage of her core.

It’s still not much inside though…

Sakura arched her back, clearly ecstatic at the new sensation as Sasuke picked up the pace. Her face was no longer pinched in discomfort, much to Sasuke’s relief.

But maybe it would be better if I…

Sasuke slipped out and Sakura sobbed at the loss of his girth inside of her. He knew that his pheromones and body fluids acted as an aphrodisiac but he didn’t realize that humans could become so desperate once they came in contact.

Sasuke turned Sakura over so that she was lying down on her stomach. Realizing what he was up to, Sakura braced herself on her forearms and arched her back so that her ass was in the air.

Sitting up on his knees, Sasuke took his cock in his hand and guided himself back into Sakura’s wet heat.

He groaned aloud at the feeling as he sank even deeper than he was able to before. He waited for a moment as Sakura got used to the new position. A high pitched cry had gotten caught in her throat as he had stretched her out once more but it had turned into a moan as he slipped further inside.

Using a two handed grip on her hips to anchor himself, Sasuke pulled out and drove back in. His pace was slow but the thrusts were harsh and deep as he soaked in the blissful energy radiating from Sakura.

Sasuke began to increase his pace when a door opened up from a floor above them. A loud set of girls had flung the door open and were giggling to each other as they made their way down the stairs.

He instantly halted his movements and strained to listen to where the people were heading. He was reluctant to pull out; partially because he was almost well fed, partially because Sakura had turned her head to look back at him, face scrunched up in a pout, silently pleading for another release.

He was pleased to hear their voices carrying upwards, going in the opposite direction of where he and Sakura were hiding on the first level.

A sigh of relief caught in his throat and choked him as Sakura began to push back against him, grinding her hips.

“Oi,” Sasuke chastised, tightening his hold on her hips to still her grinding. They still weren’t in the clear until he heard them exit the stairwell through one of the doors.

Sakura whined low in her throat but settled when he leaned over her and pressed a kiss to her nape. She sighed dreamily as he continued to lavish her with sweet attention. He trailed more down her spine until he heard the clanging of a door shutting.

As soon as they were alone again, he pulled out and rammed back in. He couldn’t drag it out any longer or he would risk them almost getting caught again.

Snaking a hand around Sakura’s hip and down between her thighs, he reached for her clit and pinched it. Sakura squealed and the walls of her core clamped down on his cock. He rubbed it in a pace to match his thrusting.

Sakura mewled in delight as he swiveled his hips, grinding deeply. One good thrust and she came undone once again. Reluctantly, Sasuke pulled out at the last possible moment, ejaculating on the back of her thighs.

He could only compare the decision to pull out to the feeling of someone swiping away the last bite of one’s favorite dish before they could get to it but it would have been unwise to come inside of her without knowing if she were on any birth control.

He moaned softly as the last drops of cum oozed from the slit of his cock’s head. The act was so messy despite how pleasurable it was. It wasn’t going to be fun trying to clean up.

“Haruno,” Sasuke tried to get Sakura’s attention. She was face down on the linoleum, arms having finally given out from under her. “Haruno?”

Sasuke shook her shoulder and when he got no reaction he flipped her over onto her back. Her eyes were shut and her chest rose slowly with each breath she took.

Haruno Sakura had passed out right after her climax. Considering his starved state, he had drained her of more life force than was necessary.

Sighing to himself, Sasuke took out his handkerchief and got to work on wiping his ejaculant from where it was dripping on her legs.

So fucking messy.

.

.

Blinking her eyes open, Sakura yawned before turning her face into the comforting warmth she was leaning against.

A small cough drew her attention up to the face of her classmate Uchiha Sasuke.

“You missed two lecture blocks.”

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him. He had just fucked her until she was unconscious and that was what he wanted to inform her of?

“You’re an incubus.”

If the abnormally large size of his penis wasn’t a dead giveaway, his eyes had shifted colors and glowed red when he had sucked his fingers clean of her fluids. When had they shifted back to dark brown? She had no clue. She had been knocked out by the sudden draining of energy he had consumed.

Sasuke glared at her before averting his gaze. He stared at the wall and muttered, “Unfortunately.”

Sakura took note of how he cradled her in his lap, his cardigan sweater covering her. She watched as he avoided looking at her even as his ears burned hot pink.

He was still Uchiha Sasuke despite everything.

“This might be a weird time to mention it, but I like you. A lot.” The pink on his ears spread down his neck. “And I usually have more stamina than that. I’m not kidding, Uchiha-kun. I was in my high school’s track club.”

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled deeply.

“How about you start with calling me by my first name and we’ll work from there?”

“I can do that.” Sakura squirmed in his lap, making herself comfortable. She was still exhausted from earlier despite taking almost a three hour nap.

Ah, shit.

“I had an exam during one of those blocks.”

“Shit. I have one in half an hour.”

Sakura burst out laughing as the color drained from his face. He really was still the same Uchiha Sasuke she had been sitting next to all semester.

“At least you won’t be hungry, huh?”

“Real funny…”

[arazialotis]

Long Distance

Pairing: Dean × Reader

Word Count: Around 1700

Summary: Dean and Y/N have been separated during the holidays due to a string of hunts but Dean has a thought to make the distance seem not so far apart.

Warnings: Language, General SPN spooky stuff

This is purely just for writing and wasting my time as hobby. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too. I apologize in advance for any mistakes or grammatical/spelling errors. I appreciate any feedback or suggestions!

-----

Nights came early this time of year, each day growing darker a little earlier. It was hard to fight off the fatigue that crept in every passing moment. Even harder so with Dean out of town on another string of hunts. You sat in the picture window curled up in a fuzzy blanket with a warm cup of tea and a new book. Though you had a corner lamp turned on, the Christmas lights outside bounced off the white snow, illuminating the world and keeping the dark at bay. 

Your phone had occasionally been buzzing as Dean updated you on his progress in a new town. You did what you could to not worry, to have faith, but each day he was gone you needed distractions to keep your mind off it. And of course, communication. The longer he went without an update, the more your stomach turned. 

Though you were entranced with the novel, methodically flipping pages and on the edge of your seat, as soon as the phone sounded, you threw the book down only focusing on him. 

You answered with a pant of excitement. “Hey babe.” 

Dean’s smile practically shined through the receiver. “Evenin’ Y/N. Man it's good to hear your voice.” 

“Yours too.” You echoed setting your tea down on the ledge as you started pacing the floor. “How’s the first day been?”

“Ah, you know, just getting settled and the feel for things. Wish I had your mind here to sort things out but this has been a long stretch, it’s starting to drag. It was good for you to stay home.” He paused waiting for a reply. “This’ll be the last one, promise.” 

“Don’t say that.” You chided knowing fully well he easily broke these promises. “You are doing good work. If you need to keep going, that’s alright. Just promise me you’ll come home eventually.” “You know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“And besides.” You sighed. “I’m still here virtually, put me together the case details tonight and I’ll scour over them.”

Dean’s blush heated up the air around you as he shamefully admitted. “I already sent them to Sam.” 

“Ugh! What? God Da…” Dean’s chuckle cut you off. You rubbed your brow reminding yourself it wasn’t a competition. “I want to help too.” You whined. 

“Okay, okay.” His voice faded. “I’m sending them now.” 

You looked at your phone waiting for the email to come through. A few moments passed and it eventually did. He had sent over a few news articles, pdfs, and a word doc of his own notes. 

“Hmmm… it’s definitely a werewolf.” You teased. “Shut up.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid enough to get stumped by an oversized rabid poodle.” 

“I’ll shoot you some real ideas by tomorrow at the latest.”

 “Don’t feel rushed, I got some pretty good leads to follow up on tomorrow.” He assured. “Alright, enough work talk. What about you? How was Thanksgiving?” 

“I mean, it wasn’t the same without you and everyone else. But uh, I still tried to make the most of it. Brussels, beans, wild rice, potatoes…” You listed. “Mashed?” Dean interrupted. 

“Pfft. Of course. Cranberries. Oh, I did a cornish hen cause like, what the fuck am I going to do with a whole turkey? I already have enough leftovers to last me ‘til Christmas. Tell me you had something more than deli meat turkey.”

“Don’t worry about me babe.” He lightly chuckled. “Denny’s got me covered.” 

“Dean.” You scolded.

“Pie? Please tell me you had pie.” He begged. 

“No way I’m having pie without you.”  

“But.. But… Thanksgiving.” Dean pouted. 

You giggled at his adorable antics. “There’s one waiting in the freezer for when you get back.” “Yes! Cherry?” He pleaded. 

“Of course…” You giggled together until a knock sounded at the door. “Hey, hold on a sec.” 

“What is it?” Dean’s voice grew concerned. He heard the door open, a soft thank you, and the door closing before a bit of rustling. “Oh, nothing.” You fiddled with the box and the phone. “Just looks like a package for you.” Dean licked his lips with anticipation. “Why don’t you go ahead and open it for me?” You wrinkled your nose, unsure if you wanted to. “Really?” 

“I’m sure.” 

You grabbed a kitchen knife to hack away at the tape. Dean sat down on the motel bed anxiously waiting for you to find what was inside. 

“It’s um… it’s.” You pulled it out further inspecting it. “It’s a lamp?” 

Dean grinned ear to ear waiting for you to figure it out. “A long distance lamp? What?” “I found it online. You have one and I have one.” He explained. “I felt bad the last hunt with the bad reception. My lamp will light up when you touch it and vice versa.” 

“What?” You squealed. 

“Yeah. It’s an early Christmas gift.” Your heart melted.  “Go plug it in.” He ordered before you could respond. 

“Dean…” His thoughtfulness nearly brought you to tears. “Go!” He repeated before you got too sappy. 

After a few minutes of him guiding you through the set up, you were ready to test it out. “Okay, ready?” He asked, his hand hovering over the lamp on his end. 

“Yes.” You sat on the floor staring at the dark lamp. “Nothings happening.” You sighed. “Oh, wait!” It was dim at first but slowly turned into a green glow reminding you of his eyes. “Oh my gosh.”

“Your turn.” You pressed the top of yours sending him a warm purple glow. You could hear his smile over the phone. 

“See, now we can talk to each other even without the phones.” 

“Dean. This is… it’s… thank you.” Was all you could muster to say. “I’ll keep it by my bed so I can say good night and good morning.” “Me too sweetheart.” Dean agreed. “And in case anything happens to my phone or I get stuck in another dead area, you’ll know not to worry.”

The two of you spent another good hour talking; tentatively setting up holiday plans, explaining the unexpected twist in your book, and thrilling him with all the juicy details of exactly what you were going to do to him when he finally did make it home. You read a few more pages before finally calling it a night. Tucked into a bundle of blankets, you reached to your nightstand sending him a final thought of the night. A few moments later came the dim green glow. Though it was just a light, it made you feel as though he was there, his arms wrapped around you making your heart warm. 

When Dean awoke the next morning, the lamp next to him was already glowing purple. He smiled, typical that you would be the first to rise. After a yawn and deep stretch, he sent the thought back to you before going to freshen up and shower. The hot water and steam soothed his sore muscles and the tension he held in his shoulders if only for a brief minute. Towel wrapped around his waist and clean shaven, he came back out to get dressed in a suit for the day only to find the light had not faded. With another chuckle he assumed you must have been on the same schedule and sent another touch back before heading out for the day. 

From the morning, he was in a sprint; talking with the local police department, interviewing witnesses, consoling family members. Dutifully, he kept you updated on his progress hoping to hear back from you soon on any thoughts yet you were quiet. He wondered if he had mixed up your work schedule again. Having gone nonstop throughout the day, he opted for an early dinner back at the hotel room. 

Entering back to the room with his Chinese takeout, he immediately noticed the lamp was still on. He set down his food on the table and pulled out his phone. 

‘The lamp doesn’t need to fully replace the phones.’ He texted you, adding a little laughing emoji hoping you wouldn’t be offended by him calling out your silence today. 

He popped open his laptop and dug into the Mongolian beef hoping to review any ideas you had come up with. But you hadn’t emailed him like you said. It was still early enough in the day, and especially if you had worked, maybe hadn’t had time to get around to it. He pulled up Sam’s email instead, reviewing notes and potential leads. 

An hour had passed and the light still glowed purple. Thinking it must be broken, Dean meandered over to the plug resetting it. The only other explanation would be your hand on top of it consistently which didn’t make any sense. The lamp powered back up and momentarily was dark before the purple hue came through again. 

“This is weird.” Dean muttered to himself. 

He walked back over to the table and grabbed his phone and dialed your number. After two rings, it answered. 

Dean chuckled, thankful to finally have gotten you. “Either these things are malfunctioning or you must really miss me.” He heard a deep breath from the other side of the line. 

“Y/N?” His voice dropped. “Sweetheart, are you there?” A sinister voice crackled on the other end. “It’s been a long time Dean.” 

Dean’s heart dropped to his stomach. Panic and anger rose to his chest. It was a voice he could never forget. “Alastair.” 

“Now I was hoping to find you home when I stopped by but this pretty little lady said you were out on business.” Alastair's voice delightfully slithered. 

His jaw clenched. “If you’ve touched a single hair on her head, I swear to God…” Dean spat. 

Amusement rose into laughter. “What makes you assume I could harm such a delicate creature. Her neck as easy to snap as a sparrow's."

“You better pray that's not what I find when I get back.” Dean threatened already furiously packing his bag. 

“Its not her I want, it’s you.” Alastair clarified. “But I guess that all depends on how long you take getting back home Dean. I might become bored.” 

-----

TAGS:

Forevers: @mogaruke @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @jotink78@blushingdean @sup3r-pott3r-lock3d @dancingalone21@carryonmyswansong @atc74 @superapplepie @cassieraider@adaliamalfoy @iwriteaboutdean @spnbaby-67@monkeymcpoopoo @adoptdontshoppets @maddiepants@onceuponathreetwoone @thisismysecrethappyplace

Dean x Reader: @akshi8278 @boxywrites @its-not-a-tulpa @tacklesackles @aubreystilinski @iamabeautifulperson18@jerkbitchidjitassbutt @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @ria132love​

[cenestpasmoi-bechloe]

Merry Pitchmas!!

@chloebeale , Merry Pitchmas! I’m so glad I get to be your secret Santa!! :)

 I hope you like this and have a great holiday:)

Everything I Need is Standing in Front of Me

Read on Ao3

“World tour!? Posen! Are you fucking kidding me?” Beca Mitchell shouts as she looks at the blonde across the room, who just gave her the news. 

“Yeah, I mean a small one, but you’ll be doing a couple of shows in Japan, then some places in North America, and then go to Europe. This’ll be your last bang before your ‘hiatus’ right?” She air quotes the word ‘hiatus’ jokingly as she sits down on the couch in front of Beca’s desk.

“Hey! Don’t fucking make fun of my planned hiatus. I need a fucking break, and last time it didn’t happen was because a sudden idea hit me and wrote this album, and the rule is, release an album, go on tour. I had to get it over with anyways.“ The short brunette had been planning to announce her break from being in the media every single day when she had finished touring for her last album, 

“Okay okay, I’m sorry.” The blonde chuckles. “But it’s a shorter tour. Besides, the company said you can take the private jet. And, my friend Chloe is in Japan teaching English and we can go see her.”

“They better fucking let me.” She groans, getting up from her chair and leaving her office, shaking her head. “I need more coffee. Your friend has to be super fucking awesome if I’m gonna have to meet her. I don’t want to meet any of your super boring friends again Posen.” She chuckles.

“Get me a cup! Thanks!” Aubrey shouts turning her neck.

“Fuck you! You’re supposed to be doing this for me!” She shouts back. Her voice echoes through the office, and the employees look up at her. “What the fuck are you guys looking at?” Beca snaps at them. She usually wasn’t this mean. All the album press shit was getting to the musician, they could cut her some slack on her. 

The brunette gets a cup of coffee for herself, and the blonde, walks back and hands her the mug before sitting back down in her chair. 

“Thank you Beca-boo.” Aubrey giggles before she takes a sip. “Hmm… You know me so well.”

“Yeah, and you’d kill me if I gave you the wrong kind.” Beca scoffs as she moves her computer mouse, turning her desktop screen on and looking through her emails. “Ugh..” She groans at the number of emails that she has. 

“I have most of them read through. I just need you to go through them and check them. They’re basically all brand deals and all the other stuff you’ll be doing during the tour. I’ll send you a pdf of the itinerary and the schedule of the other shit you have to do.” 

“God, I don’t know what I’d do without you Posen.” She says as she sips her coffee. “I have to post something on my instagram today right?” 

“Yeah, right. And you still need me to list everything you do in the beginning of the day.” She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, and you better make it something entertaining. A picture of a pile of pop tarts wrappers is not quality content.” She once again rolls her eyes and looks at the brunette with a death glare. 

Last time Beca had to post, she posted a picture of a pile of the breakfast pastry wrappers and a simple #adulting, and her manager was not happy with it. She had said quality content, wasn’t that some? Aubrey tells her to be relatable, and not too glamorous. Her marketing tactic was for her to be down-to-earth as she could be, so that her fanbase could feel closer to ‘Beca Mitchell’. Wasn’t pop tarts relatable? The only reason that the blonde had let her get off the hook was because Kellogg’s had offered them a brand deal. And still, she got shit for it from the manager. 

“You literally live with me! You could’ve taken a picture of me devouring the pop tarts. Would that be enough for you?” She says as she finishes her coffee. “I don’t know, or whatever.” She raises her hands in the air in defeat. 

“Then it’ll look like a PR thing! We want fans to think you’re actually putting effort into it.” She says as she gets up from the couch. “Last one to the car has to cook dinner tonight!” Laughing as she dashes out of Beca’s office to the car. 

“Hey! Thats not fair!! DUDE! NOT COOL!!” Beca gets up from her seat and grabs her bag, stubbing her toe on her desk before she can exit the office. “FUCK!!” 

When she gets to the car, Beca already knows she’s cooking dinner tonight. “So what are you cooking?” Aubrey grins as she asks the brunette. She starts the car and drives out of the basement parking lot of the record.

“Fuck you!” The shorter woman says and then realizes that her mug is still in her hand. “Fuck! Now I’m gonna have to remember to take the mug back to the office for the 1000th time.” She groans. 

“Beca, can you stop cursing every single time you open your damn mouth? Maybe you should leave the cursing for the bedroom. Or do you just not need that anymore?” Aubrey casually, and cruelly says to her with a smirk. 

This leaves Beca speechless. 

They discovered their growing sexual tension for each other about a couple of months ago, a couple of weeks after Aubrey had officially moved into Beca’s too-large ‘bachelorette pad’. 

The blonde had been staying over in the brunettes spare bedroom for more than a couple of weeks, since she had started to grow tired of having to go to the apartment every single day in the morning to wake her up, and take her to work. Beca had just told the blonde, “You can move into the other room if you want.” In which the blonde replied with a “I can move in!? You mean you want me to move in so I can take care of you every single fucking morning!?” Which was true, and the blonde did not accept until Beca gave in and asked (aka begged) Aubrey to move in. 

One particularly stressful night before finalizing Beca’s album track list, the manager had been up all night with her, both sipping on a glass (= multiple shots) of tequila. Usually, the blonde was long asleep before the brunette was, but on this particular night, she had decided to stay up with her, and keep her company until she was finished. 

It was around 3am and more than half the bottle of tequila when Beca was finally satisfied with her track order and songs. The time of night mixed with the over the top amount of alcohol consumed had led them to start making out, then Beca leading them both to her bed and eventually leading to them having sex. It was the pent up frustration between them that made all hell break loose. 

They woke up the next morning confused and wrapped around each other’s naked bodies, promising to never speak of this and never do this again. This promise which surprisingly didn’t last long, led to them sleeping with each other once again that following night. Since then, they had a non-discussed friends with benefits thing going on whenever was convenient for each other. They surprisingly did not grow feelings for each other, Beca having commitment issues, and Aubrey having abandonment issues from her father. Beca also felt that it was beneficial for her because this fuck buddies thing with her manager meant that she would have less gossip in the public. 

It also seemed to even out the work relationship, since all the pent up frustration could be resolved in the bedroom. 

Aubrey drives into the basement parking garage of their apartment and turns the engine off. While she was doing that, Beca was dashing out of the car. “Last one up cooks!” She dashes up and presses the up button of the elevator, and waits for it impatiently. Aubrey sighs and gets out of the car, and locks it, walking over to the elevator as it arrives. “I guess you’re still cooking tonight midget.” She scoffs as she gets in and presses the 21 button inside. Beca pouts as she sits on the corner stool. “Thats not fair!” She says as she waits for the elevator to get to their floor. 

“Life isn’t always fair Beca.” The brunette laughs. 

The elevator dings on their floor and opens, both getting off and going into their apartment. “Could I convince you to a different kind of meal?” Beca smirks and asks as she pushes the blonde on to the door after they get inside and places a bruising kiss on her lips.  

“Maybe, we can see.” Aubrey says as she lets herself relax and get led into the bedroom. “I know we’re gonna get hungry and eat something later on.” She chuckles. 

“Maybe, we can see.” Beca mocks her as she kisses down the blonde’s neck. 

As soon as Beca gets to the blonde’s collarbone, she gets turned around by the taller woman and pushed onto the bed. “If you’re gonna be bratty, I’m gonna treat you like a brat.” She smirks and grabs the brunettes chin, and then let’s go, starting tp unbutton her striped shirt. “You know I don’t like it when you’re bratty Bec.” She calls her in her ‘sex only’ nickname.  

“Fuck..” Beca mutters as she sits up a bit to take her jacket and the shirt off. Before she can lay back down, her bra is removed as well, and then a puff of the blonde’s breath hits her nipples. “Bree, I want more,” She tells her. 

”If you were less bratty, we could’ve gotten straight to the point sweetie.” She chuckles as she teases Beca’s nipples with her fingers. She squirms under the blonde’s touch and lifts her hips, her hands reaching her back and holds on to the blonde. “Don’t you dare leave marks Beca.” Aubrey says at the nails trying to claw into her back. She lowers her hands down the brunette’s navel and then singlehandedly unbuttons her jeans before letting her fingers explore. “God damn it Bec…” She feels the pool of moisture between the shorter girl’s legs. 

“I need you… fuck… please…” The brunette shivers at the contact. “Please Bree…”

“Well, since you asked so nicely..” Two digits enter the brunette, and a moan escapes her mouth. 

“Fuck…. Bree..” It seems like ‘Fuck’ is the only thing that is able to be released from her right now. Her head is blank, and she feels the blonde’s fingers hitting just the right spot. She’s definitely gonna leave marks. She can’t resist but to dig her nails into the blonde’s back. 

“I told you Bec. Don’t leave marks…” Aubrey says as she takes her finger out of the brunette and grabs her wrists. She grabs the handcuffs from the nightstand and puts one of the cuffs on the brunette’s wrist. “Hands up Bec.” She says and the brunette obeys, allowing the taller girl to cuddle her hands. “This is what you get for not following instructions when asked nicely.” She smirks. 

“I’m sorry….” The brunette knows tonight is going to be a long one. 

“If you’re sorry, why don’t you follow when I asked you nicely?” The blonde says as she enters the short brunette with two fingers and lays her thumb over her clit. “Huh Beca?…” 

All the brunette can make out are moans and curses at this point, and she’s a whimpering mess, coming up to her release. “Bree… I’m gonna…. Fuck…” She shrieks when the blonde stops all movements and removes her fingers again. 

“I never said you could come Bec.” She smirks again. “Do you want to Bec?”

“Yes… Please Bree….” Beca whimpers as she squirms. “Please…. let me come… Please…” She blushes. 

“Since you asked so nicely…” The blonde says as she fingers the brunette once again, and kisses Beca for the first time since getting back into the house. “Come for me Bec…”She whispers in her ear just the way the brunette likes, and kisses her. The brunette shakes under her and reaches her climax. 

“Holy shit… that was hot.” Aubrey snickers as she lays on top of Beca out of breath, just as much as Beca is. 

“Damn…that was amazing.” The brunette breathes out and then her handcuffs clink. “Uhh.. Bree?…” She lifts her arms. 

“Oh. Sorry. “ Aubrey giggles and gets the key from the nightstand and frees the brunette’s wrists. “Here ya go.” She chuckles. 

“Thank youuuu.” The short girl says as she wraps her arms around the blonde. “Lemme make you feel good Bree.” She smiles and kisses her as she lifts her neck up. 

She twists her body and turns and lays on top of the blonde. “There we go.” She smirks and kisses her. “You’re wearing too much clothes.” She unbuttons her pants and pulls her pants down along with her thong and throws it somewhere in the room. She unhooks the blonde’s bra and she flings it away as well. “This needs to go too.” She giggles and kisses the blonde. 

They both fall asleep together, exhausted, and Beca wrapped in Aubrey’s warm embrace. 

-A Month Later-

“You ready?” Aubrey asks her as she closes her last suit case. “You have the ear plugs you always bitch about needing on the plane. Right?” 

“Yes General Posen. I have it in my bag. I just need to fit all this in.” Beca says as she tries to zip the suitcase up. 

“You know you’re not going to college right?” The blonde chuckles as she rolls the two suitcases to the door. “We’re gonna go to Japan for a few days and then we go to New York, Detroit and Chicago. We’ll be home in two weeks Beca.” 

“I know, I have to make sure I have everything, just in case.” She says as she zips the suitcase up eventually. “Plus, we might get homesick. I have some macaroni and cheese and some other stuff.” 

“You’re hilarious.” Aubrey laughs as she rolls the suitcases to the door and checks her phone. “The car will be coming in 5 minutes.” She goes around the pad checking all of the lights and the plugs. 

-Hours Later-

“OH MY GOD WE’RE LANDING!!! HELP ME!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD POSEN!” Beca panics as she feels the plane depends. 

“Beca, chill the fuck out. You’re fine.” Aubrey grabs her hand and rubs her back. “We’re almost there.” She says to her as she gets up and sits in the seat right next to her.  “You’re okay. Shh…” 

The plane lands safely and Beca relaxes, letting herself lean on the blonde. “Thank god…” She sighs. 

“I told you. It’s alright baby.” She lets the name slip. 

They both don’t seem to notice. 

“Now we’re here. Let’s go have some fun.” Beca gets off the plane and heads down to the car waiting for them.

“It’s like she wasn’t just freaking out abut landing.” The blonde chuckles to herself. 

A few hours later, they’re settled in their hotel room and it’s the weird hours getting to them, and they’re getting hungry at 3pm.

“Dude isn’t there like a sushi place we can go to?” Beca whines as she sprays out on the huge bed,

“I bet there is, dude.” Aubrey rolls her eyes as she texts Chloe, asking for food recommendations in the area.

They were in the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Tokyo because of Beca’s sponsorship with major hotels one of them being Mariott, scoring her the best room at the hotel. Aubrey even got a connecting room which was a smaller suite but very nice nonetheless.  Aubrey hoped her friend would know a good place to eat at in the tourist city, although the ginger worked in an area bit away from the city. 

She gets a text back from Chloe, with a link of the location of the restaurant. ‘It should be super close to where ur staying!!’ She adds on to the link and also starts texting something again. ‘I could head over to Akasaka tonight, if ur free and not babysitting your celeb singer:)’ 

Aubrey chuckles and sends back a quick ’thank u Chlo’ and puts her phone in her pocket. “Hey Beca, if you want to go eat some sushi, we can go now.”

At that, Beca shoots out of bed and gets her stuff. “Okay! I’m ready!! I can go now!!” She says like a kid ready to go to Disneyland.

“Okay dude, let’s go.” Aubrey chuckles as she grabs the card key and leaves the room, following the brunette. They weren’t really supposed to go around that much without the group of bodyguards Beca had, but people probably wouldn’t really notice her as much as people in the US would, so Aubrey wished for the best as she entered the elevator. 

They eat the sushi as they come down the conveyor belt. 

“Hey Beca, my friend Chloe wants to come hang out with me tonight. Do you wanna go get some drinks with us tonight? I know you have no friends so I’m guessing you’ll come with?” Aubrey jokes as she eats her last sushi on her plate.

“Yeah. I guess I’ll go with you guys.” 

“I know you want to. Just admit it Beca.” The blonde chuckles as she gets up grab another plate. 

“Whatever Posen.” Beca grabs the cake that comes from the top part of the belt. “I could eat a million of these cakes and desserts.” She says as she takes a bite. 

“Yeah. We can come back again soon. As long as you pay Mitchell.” 

“Fine. But its like so nice, its like a dollar per plate, right? Thats pretty awesome.” She says as she finishes the cake. “I’m full now. You good now?” The brunette asks the blonde.

“Wait I want to have one of those cakes too! Go get a coffee or something.” Aubrey says as she orders a cake on the tablet on the table. 

“Me too!” Beca says as she orders herself another cake. 

A few hours later, they’ve gotten back to the hotel and now getting ready to go out again to see Chloe. 

“Beca, you ready slowpoke?” “Just a minute!!” “Your eyeliner still looks horrible if you take 5 seconds or 3 hours to do!” Aubrey shouts back as she checks her phone. They’re supposed to be at some station nearby in 30 minutes. She knows that Tokyo is small but she needs to get there and its gonna take at least 20 minutes.  “C’mon Becaaaaaaaa!”

“Okay! OKay!! I’m ready!” Beca comes out from the bathroom in some skinny jeans and the tank top. She grabs her blue flannel from her suitcase and pockets her phone and wallet. 

“You look normal. I don’t know why it took how long for you to get ready.” The blonde rolls her eyes and grabs her hotel key.

They get to Roppongi station and then takes the train, they don’t know how they managed to, but makes it to Akasaka station. Aubrey sees her best friend in the exit and she starts running towards her, and she leaves Beca behind running towards the ginger as well.  “Aubreyyyyy!! Oh my goshhhh! I missed you so much!!” The ginger hugs the blonde and picks her up with her enthusiasm.

“Chloe! I’m so happy to see you!!” Aubrey says as she hugs her back. 

“You’re just gonna leave me in this huge station?” Beca follows behind and catches up to the two friends. 

“Hi Beca!! Oh my goshhhh! Hi! It’s so nice to meet you!!” Chloe hugs the brunette excitedly. 

“Chill tiger.. It’s nice to meet you….?” 

“Oh… I’m sorry. I’m Chloe Beale! I love all your songs, I especially like Curious.” She smiles. 

“Th-Thanks I guess…”Beca mutters. 

“Are you guys ready to go get some food, and go get some drinks after that?” Chloe says as she grabs her phone from her bag and starts walking. 

“Yeah. Let’s go. I’m starving. “ Beca says as she follows the ginger.

“You had food like 2 hours ago!” Aubrey chuckles as they all walk towards the exit of the station. 

“Whatever, are you hungry Chloe?” Beca asks awkwardly.

“Yeah, the tiny humans were a bit crazy today.” She chuckles, “And I’m also always up for good food. But what kind of food would you guys like to eat? Like Japanese food, or Mexican, American? I don’t know, you name it, I’ll try to find a place.” 

“Umm.. I don’t know.. Beca?” Aubrey answers and looks at the brunette.

“Uh… Are there tacos around here?” Aubrey laughs as Beca answers. 

“Well, tacos it it I guess! Theres a really good place called Taco Rico in one of the buildings and I honestly cannot tell you how obsessed with it I am!” Chloe says as she starts walking.

“I’m so excited!” Beca says as she grabs her phone and takes a selfie video of her walking the streets of Tokyo. “Hey guys! I’m in Japan right now! Look at this! Isn’t this amazing??” She makes sure the whole view around can be seen and cuts off the video.  “Happy now Posen? I’ll post it with dinner pics later when we get back to the hotel.”

“Yeah. Better than pop tart wrappers.” The blonde says as she grabs her phon snapping a few pictures of the city. 

“I think the pop tart wrappers post was pretty cool. I think it’s an art form and also made me want some.” She chuckles. 

“Don’t let her do this Chloe.” Aubrey groans. 

“Thank you! I thought so too. It even got me a brand deal. So shut up Posen.” She sticks her tongue out at her. “I have some in my suitcase. Want some?” A small “Oh my god. What do you not have in your suitcase?” Can be heard from the blonde but the ginger doesn’t seem to mind. 

“Oh my gosh! That would be amazing!!” Chloe says as she makes a turn. “Is it true that you have the biggest room in the Ritz-Carlton?” She asks curiously.

Beca looks at the ginger who seems to be excited as a kid in a candy shop. “Yeah. You wanna come see it? We can get drinks and stuff up in the room.” 

“That would be amazing Beca!” 

“You never invite anyone to your hotel room.” The blonde chuckles.

Making a turn and entering a building, Chloe cheerfully says, “We’re almost here!” 

“Why can’t I just invite your friend over to my room?” Beca mumbles. 

“I didn’t say that.“ Aubrey rolls here eyes as they enter the building. 

“So, you basically check the menu and order your choice, subway style.” Chloe shows her smile. “They speak English so its also super nice.” 

“Um… Do you have a favorite??” Beca asks the ginger.

“Umm…. I think I like the grilled chicken and avocado tacos. Basically anything is pretty good.” She smiles and gets in the queue to order some food. 

“I’m gonna try one of the burritos.” Beca says as she looks at the burrito menu. She orders after Chloe and then waits for everyone else to order so that she can pay. “I got it.” She says quietly as she gives the cashier her card. They make small conversation, as it turns out, the cashier is a fan of the brunette’s music. 

“Thank you.” Chloe smiles as she looks at Aubrey. “She’s cute.” She says to her best friend. The blonde makes a face. “What?” She chuckles. “I wonder if she’s good in bed.” Chloe jokingly says and winks, making the blonde choke on particularly nothing. “Oh my god Bree! Youre…” The red head says eyes wide with realization.

“You okay Posen? I can’t have a dead manager.” Beca chuckles, not having heard what Chloe had said earlier. “Where are we eating?” Beca asks the ginger. 

“I dunno… we can eat here, or go outside and eat there.” 

“We can just sit here and eat I guess.” Beca says as she sits at one of the tables. 

“Okay. Sounds good to me. “ The ginger smiles as she sits down right next to the girl. 

  They eat their food and then leave the place to head back to the suite, buying some alcohol on the way back at a nearby convenience store. Beca has the best time there, spending almost $80 with snacks and drinks. 

The trio head inside the hotel and into Beca’s suite. “Oh my god. This room is gigantic!!” Chloe exclaims as she walks around the room like a little kid. “Where are you sleeping Bree? On the couch??” She laughs as she sits on the couch. 

“Oh I have a connecting room next door, away from this annoying one.” Aubrey says as she opens the door to her room. “See? I even have a room all to myself.” At that, Chloe jumps off the couch and rushes into Aubrey’s suite room, excitedly screaming as she explores the room. Beca laughs as she heard the redhead cheer excitedly at all the fancy things in her room. 

“You know, there’s a tv in my bathroom.” Beca laughs and Chloe comes back into the room and runs to the bathroom and makes another screech of joy. “OH my GOSH!!” She says like an excited child. “This is amazing!” She takes another spin around the room. “Wow….” Now she’s left speechless. 

“You can stay here tonight if you want.” Beca says to the ginger. “I can have them roll in another bed.” 

“Or you can stay in my room.” Aubrey says quickly. “If you don’t want to stay with Beca. I’ll even let you sleep on my bed.” Aubrey says. 

Chloes just stuck in awe, not even saying a thing at the offer from the two. 

“I would let you stay in my bed, but I’m pretty sure Aubrey is about to kill me, so….” Beca gets a jab on the side from Aubrey. “Ow! You don’t have tp be so mean Posen!” She pushes her back, but Aubrey not even budging a bit. “Should we open some drinks and hang out for a bit?” She tries to change the subject. 

“Oh, yeah. Let’s do that.” Aubrey says as she grabs one of the colorful cans from the plastic bags. “You want one Chlo?” She asks the ginger. 

“…uh! Yeah! I’ll take one!” Chloe says as she grabs a can from the blonde’s hand. “You want one too Bec?” She hands the brunette a can. The brunette blushes as she takes the can from her. 

“Thanks.” She says as she opens it. “Cheers I guess…” She says and the three clink their drinks together, taking a sip. “Wow.. this is pretty good.”

A few hours and a few drinks in, they all start tiring out. The blonde being the first one to retreat back to her bed at around 12am, simply telling the ginger to come stay in her bed if she needs to, and  says goodnight to the group. 

Chloe and Beca are still awake, sipping on their drinks. 

Beca’s the first one to speak up after the blonde leaves. “So, how do you know Posen?”

“We met in college. Bree and I were in the Barden Bellas, an acapella group. We were co-leaders of the group and best friends. But tell me, how did she become your manager? I know she worked at capitol as a public relations assistant, but I was so surprised to hear that she became your manager.” She asks the younger girl.

“Umm… I don’t know. I got the chance to work with Capitol somehow, and she just became my manager. I think they wanted the public relations aspect to play in with my managing? I honestly don’t know.” She chuckles. 

“I really like your music Beca.” Chloe says as she grabs a potato chip and pops it in her mouth. “Especially the mashups you make, BMCoda.” She winks.

It wasn’t a well known thing that Beca made mashups before her debut. Only some people knew her as BMCoda, her SoundCloud username. Some fans had figured it out, but not a lot, and the fact that Beca has never confirmed it publicly except the few hints she drops sometimes on instagram.

“How… how did you know that? Did Posen tell you about it?”She asks. 

“Oh so it’s really true.” She says. “No. I figured it out. Your coda necklace, and your voice.” She points to the coda on beca’s neck. “I thought it sounded familiar. And you also stopped posting mashups a few months before your first single. I especially liked the one with Titanium and Bulletproof. That song is my jam. My lady jam….” She chuckles. 

“Uh….oh… okay… that’s cool… thanks I guess…..” Beca replies awkwardly as she looks back into the ginger’s eyes.“Yeah. I just couldn’t find the time anymore.” She plays with the hem of her shirt. “My life was suddenly just so busy with all the press and shit… It drains you, you know… all the flashes, all the questions..”  "I’m sorry…” 

“No, it’s fine. I knew what I was getting myself into. It’s not like I’m gonna be here forever. I’m gonna go to the producing side. I mean, not right away, but soon. After this tour, I’m gonna take a break.” She sighs. 

“What are you gonna do then?” The blonde asks taking a sip of her drink. 

“I don’t know. Live schedule-less for a while. See where that brings me. Maybe travel? Who knows?” She shrugs as she pulls on the loose string of her shirt. 

“Am I allowed to know this secret?” Chloe chuckles. “Aren’t these like top secret plans?” 

“I guess I’ll have to kill you now.” Beca jokes. “Or make you sign an NDA.” She says as she grabs her drink. 

“I’d rather sign that NDA if you have one. I still kinda wanna live.” She chuckles, putting her drink down. “So, what are you and Bree? I’ve never seen her that visibly jealous at me talking with you.” She says to the brunette. 

“W-what!? What do you mean?” Beca stutters. 

“Oh, even a blind man could feel see the chemistry and sexual tension  between you. You know she likes you, right? She’s never told me, but I know.” The red head says to her. 

“We’re not… We aren’t a thing. We’re just friends with benefits or fuck buddies, or whatever you wanna call it.” Beca says aloud for the first time. 

“Bullshit. I know you have feelings for her too. You’re just trying to act like they’re not there. You two act like you hate each other, but it’s just you two protecting yourselves from letting feelings actually happen.” She says to the brunette. “You both are just to scared to say it.” 

“I-I can’t tell her I have feelings for her, she’s my manager!” Beca says.

Chloe tries to shush her, but it’s too late. The door opens, and the blonde, in her pajama pants and a matching top comes into the room. “Feelings for who?….” She asks.

“Nothing! It’s nothing Posen! J-just go back to bed! I’m sorry I woke you up!” Beca exclaims as she gets up in a panic. “I-i gotta go to bed! Good night guys!” She runs to her room and slams the door shut in embarrassment. 

“Beca! Wait….”Before Aubrey can say anything, the brunette runs to her room and doesn’t even hear a thing she says. 

“Go, go tell her how you feel. I know you’re in love with her.” Chloe says to her best friend as she just stands between the door and the couch. 

“I-I’m not….” Aubrey begins. 

“Bullshit. Bree, that’s bullshit. Stop trying to protect yourself. I saw how jealous you were acting today when I was talking to Beca. When you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and clear. And you go from there. Thats what you do. Now go. Go and tell her. I’m taking your bed tonight. Good night.” Chloe says as she leaves the room. Aubrey hears the lock click from the other side, meaning she had no choice but to go tell Beca. 

She knocks on the door of the bedroom, takes a deep breath and walks in when she hears Beca say, “Come in.”

“I’m sorry I woke you up. I really am.” Beca says to her.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I didn’t want to accept the fact that It was true because I was too scared. I’m your manager and I couldn’t risk anything.”She says in a calm tone.

“And I think you love me too. And if you do, tell me. Tell me and we can stop pretending like we’re always on each other’s nerves. And if you don’t, I don’t know, but…”

Beca’s never seen Aubrey ramble like that. “Bree… stop. I love you too.” She says calmly. “I’m scared. But I love you, I just do.” 

Aubrey walks towards Beca, Beca gets up and off the bed.

“We’ll figure it out together. I promise. I’m freaking out too.” The blonde says as she kisses the brunette. 

For the first time, it’s not just a kiss during sex. It’s a gentle, loving kiss. Beca melts into it and it feels like home. She lets her arm wrap around Aubrey’s neck and pulls them closer. 

“I love you.” “I love you too.” The brunette hugs her a bit tighter, and it feels right. 

“I know everything is in the wrong order and it’s crazy, but be my girlfriend? ” Beca asks the older woman. 

It’s just then, Aubrey’s stomach growls. The two burst into laughter as the blonde opens her mouth. “Yes. I’ll be your girlfriend. But can we have some room service? I’m super hungry.” She chuckles. 

Beca nods, going to the phone and picking it up as well as the menu and gives it to the blonde. “You pick.” 

Thank god for 24 hour room service, because at 3:37am, the two have two full plates of warm breakfast foods, right in front of them. They quickly eat the food on their bed, and eventually fall asleep on the bed, talking to each other, catching up on all the things they’ve wanted to talk to each other about. 

Chloe wakes up at around 10am in her best friend’s bed, without her in it. She gets out of bed and walks out of the room and into the living room area of Beca’s room to see that the bedroom door is in fact, open, and sees the blonde and the brunette, asleep, in each others arms. She goes back to the other room and sits in front of the TV snd turns it on, watching it until about 11:30, when the blonde comes into the room. 

“Morning.” She says to the ginger as she sits next to her. 

“Morning. How was it?” She asks her as she looks at her friend up and down. 

“What? We didn’t do anything last night…” She mumbles as she turns red. 

“Ew! I don’t need to know anything about you two’s sex life! I’m just asking how it went.” 

“I told her. Thank you Chloe.” 

“No need to thank me, just invite me to your wedding as your maid of honor.” She jokes. “I’m hungry. Can I order something?” She asks her friend. 

“Yeah. Of corse. Whatever you need. I’ll just have my girlfriend pay for it.” Aubrey says naturally. 

“Oh my god! Girlfriend!? Oh my god! I’m so proud of you!!” Chloe excitedly gives her a hug.

“T-thanks. I-I’m gonna go. Text me if you need anything.” The blonde says as she leaves the room. 

“mm... Where were you?…” Beca mumbles as Aubrey comes back into the room. 

“I was just talking to Chloe. You know, about last night.” 

“Come back to bed.. I miss you..” Beca says as she looks at the blonde. “What did she say?” “She was very excited for us.” Aubrey gets back into bed with Beca. “Hmm… you’re warm…” She mutters as she kisses her head. “Tell me you love me again?” 

“I love you Bree.” Beca kisses the blonde, twisting her neck. 

“I love you too baby.”