#/who else would understand?
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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i wish i could put into words how much everything about this small bit absolutely FASCINATES me. the way that shadow milk seems almost guilty or sad by something, and then immediately doubles down and becomes work with a sick grin on his face. the way he is so clearly projecting himself onto pure vanilla (does he believe his entire life before his corruption to hold no value? does he view THAT life as a lie?) the way he wants pure vanilla to be just as ruined as he is, to BECOME him… their dynamic is so twisted in all the best possible ways.
#i genuinely believe that he desperately wants pv to understand him#even if that means tormenting him and taking away all the things that make pv who he his#his kindness#his compassion#his love and hope#he wants pv to become him but that means that pv would be no more#and more than anything he wants to be known. and to have someone else whos just as ruined as he is#my post#crk#cookie run kingdom#shadow milk cookie#pure vanilla cookie#shadowvanilla
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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so, one aspect of catelyn which i think is underrated (certainly the biggest adaptation loss which nobody talks about) is her, let's say superstitiousness, or better yet, let's call it genre-savviness, being one of the few adult characters open to magic and the supernatural in this fantasy world. we first meet her in the godswood, home of gods which are not truly hers, yet she is still very aware of their power. when she and ned talk of the deserter he killed, he hopes he won't have to go with the nw to deal with mance rayder, but she has even more fear of that idea bc there are worse things beyond the wall than just wildlings. ned scoffs and says she's been listening to old nan too much, but she's right. we already know from the prologue that she's right! and here she is, understanding the genre of their world better than her husband, who was actually born and spent his earliest years in this northern land of deep magic, listening to old nan's stories. same with the direwolves, where she was uncomfortable with them at first, but later believed in them as guardians from the old gods even after robb had lost his own faith. and once again, we know she's right even if she doesn't know the evidence to back up her instincts, bc summer and shaggydog did not fail bran and rickon and robb was almost certainly a warg like his brothers. (perhaps making it more fitting that she's the one brought back as a fantasy vengeance monster, not ned and robb, the most unbelieving dead starks.) and in her 2nd agot chapter, everyone focuses on her ambition in wanting ned to agree to the hand job (pun intended) and sansa's betrothal, and while she does recognize the value of their daughter being a future queen more than ned does, that's only her stated argument bc she thinks it's rational enough for ned to listen to. (if ambitious matchmaking were as important to her as to her father she never would have made those frey betrothals fandom loves to blame her for.) in her own head there's a deeper urge driving her. she keeps thinking of the dead direwolf with antlers in its throat, an omen which filled her with dread from the first she heard of it, before robert's arrival, and thinking of it again is what makes her desperate to convince ned not to refuse robert. she had to make him see. and really, she's not wrong, as jon snow would say. the dead direwolf was an omen of ned and robert getting each other killed. it's just one of those misread portents, with no way of knowing the danger to ned was in his loyalty to robert, not conflict with him. BUT the next time she's dealing with baratheons, she knows exactly what she's talking about. it's catelyn, not brienne, who sees the shadow slaying renly, and explains that it was stannis who did that through some dark magic. with no way of knowing how it was achieved and no prior expectation that such a thing were ever possible, she realizes with no hestitation that stannis was guilty and that his red witch was capable of pulling this off somehow. really, the only instinct of the supernatural she's wholly wrong about is her insistence that varys gathered his knowledge through some dark enchantment. however, though that might offend varys, given his own personal experience with a sorcerer, i'd say it's a reasonable assumption without knowing the dude had children moving through walls everywhere like oversized rodents. and imo it just shows she had a healthy respect and awe for varys's power which most other characters lack.
oh, oh, and let's not forget that she also believed in the curse of harrenhal, from her own childhood and the stories old nan told her kids. "and every house that held Harrenhal since had come to misfortune. Strong it might be, but it was a dark place, and cursed. 'I would not have Robb fight a battle in the shadow of that keep,' Catelyn admitted." sure, that wasn't enough to save robb, but he did not die from the curse of harrenhal. that doom was meant for his enemies from tywin lannister to roose bolton.
#valyrianscrolls#asoiaf#asoiaf meta#catelyn stark#catelyn tully#this why i can't w talking abt how much better the northerners are for their supernatural setting#when w the exception of the crannogmen most of them understand their setting less than their southron 7-following lady of wf#people of the riverlands can follow useless gods and still not lose their belief in magic#and people who think it would have been cooler if robbwind or even ned took lsh's place are not just missing the point bc grrm#focused on catelyn as pov for a reason but bc thematically all the gods knew who was actually open to their power#everyone else was only interested in that stupid outline for starkcest shipping but i was most intrigued by cat going beyond the wall#happy tully tuesday!#(c)lsb
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i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD
#ramble#also only 0.29 delivery instead of 3.99#and chilli cheese bites#i swear to god the best food you'll ever eat while drunk is from the tiny shithole that's open until 4am#if you're refusing to do literally the smallest thing you can do to help then i have questions#it's FOOD. you'll survive#it's not even NECESSARY food#if it was like a chain grocery place and you don't have access to anything else then i would understand#but it's just NOT#make your own coffee for the love of god#when there is NOTHING you can do to stop this fucking tragedy. and let's be honest there isn't a lot normal people can do#and people say to you 'do this insignificant thing just to show that you even CARE'#and you DON'T do that???? what is actually wrong with you#also i've been worried about this since my last post about sbucks but this is Not an attack on the people who WORK at the boycotted places#because it is an absolute privilege to be able to leave your job and immediately find a new one
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I know you
#pynch#ronan lynch#adam parrish#calling each other ‘my other self’ in Latin. they’re so young and gay and dramatic#reading the dreamer trilogy is causing a war inside myself where I’m like#they should break up you don’t have to be in love with the same person you loved in high school forever#but also. who else would love each other like this!!#they’ve got freak to freak communication!#adansey shippers I understand you unfortunately I’m pynch til I die
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drew these many moons ago in a frenzy. figured i’d fix them up at some point. did not get round to that lol. maybe one day! in the mean time behold my beloved ghosts<3
#i don’t know why pats dead and the rest arent(?) (maybe mary is? i. actually cannot remember what i was going for)#but yeah they’re like. not finished at all ik i had plans for more background bits and stuff#also wanted to make all the colours go together a bit more nicely and the wallpaper be the actual wallpaper colour#i strive for coherence! and yet and have no understanding of colour theory#why all my Actual art is line work and nothing else lol#i did also want to redraw pat and julian but i was going round in circles w it so they’re staying like that for now#anyways why i do i feel the need to slag off stuff i make!! i do not know#genuinely had a great time drawing these many months ago#maybe i have a hyperfixation fueled an all nighter again and finish them who knows#but also if i do i would kinda like to do some yonderland characters lol#bbc ghosts#bbc ghosts fanart#six idiots#my fanart
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chilaios telepathy compilation. btw.
also these ones arent telepathy i just think its fun that they defend eachother + are on the same page about alchohol :
#chilaios#theres probably/definitely more instances of them doing telepathy but ive already stalled so much time for doing my work so#yall can add the ones i missed#dungeon meshi spoilers#????? i guess??????#anyways this is why im insane about that “laios... you get it right?!” line because like. he usually does get it. they get eachother.#theyve reached a point where they can have a whole PLAN sorted out by looking at eachother.#of course chil would desperately hope that LAIOS would be the guy to understand#laios the one chil understands. laios the one who tries so hard to understand chil. laios the one who brings chilchuck out of his spiraling#when no one else will.#of course HE would get it. of course. LAIOS will get it. LAIOS will see through that weird fake. he doesnt see him that way.#..........right?#OH i want to convert some people with this actually so im gonna main tag#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#: ) hello dungeon meshi fandom. in front of you is a table with the papers required to convert into a chilaios shipper. you have 30 seconds#to sign them and if you dont i will personally apologize for wasting your time
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Hi i'm absolutely in love with the reverse au!!
I want to know, in this verse does edwin still confesses to charles? if so how is it different? i feel if he did he would end it by apologizing, you know, religious guilt and all
There’s a train that goes through Hell.
Its journey starts in Wrath, and it departs already full of souls. It took Charles far too many years to realize that there were separate, more spacious wagons that demons could board. Not that he could understand why anyone, hellborn or not, would want to get into the damned thing. He certainly hadn’t.
Actually, Charles couldn’t recall ever boarding the train. As far as he could tell, he just appeared there one day, and had spent the next tortuous decades trying to get out. It was part of the torture. Getting out was entirely possible. More than that, it was necessary.
The train had no regular schedule that he could discern (not at first, though he had always been good at finding patterns, and was eventually able to crack it) but it would make quite a few stops before finally returning to the Wrath ring. Souls inside the train were already angry and far too close to each other (close, so close not even air could squeeze in) but when they got really violent was when the train made a stop.
Getting out didn’t mean you were free, no matter where you managed it, be it Sloth or Gluttony, Pride or Lust. No, as soon as the train finished its journey, you would appear back inside, in Wrath where you belonged, suffocating once again, getting ready to claw your way out for the millionth time.
Because if you didn’t get out, The Conductor would get you.
If he thought about it calmly, Charles could probably say that he got out of the train more times than not. Still, being caught by The Conductor once was bad enough, as there was no coal in Hell, and something had to serve as combustible. Souls could not burn to death, and the whole journey always felt longer than eternity when he was caught. Once it was over, he would be inside again, and fight with more desperation than before, not caring who stayed inside so long as it wasn’t him.
He couldn’t understand why anyone, hellborn or not, would want to get into the damned thing. He certainly hadn’t. But as the souls pushed and bit and clawed and punched their way out, Edwin boarded the train. And that wasn’t even the most groundbreaking revelation Charles had that day.
ko-fi
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#you get a... drabble? because there's no way I can draw the train#i spent a lot of time wondering how to reply to this without spoiling anything#and then i realized hey i can just draw it there's no schedule#who would have thought#but yeah it was decided early on that charles would be the one to confess#hope you like my little version of charles' hell!#he doesn't like multitudes#trains or enclosed spaces#did edwin eventually understand what charles meant?#uuuuuuh yeah a bit but he's in denial#also i want you all to appreciate how much courage it took for edwin to go to HELL being the religious person that he is#cw blood#i guess?? idk if i should tag something else#I... I didn't proof read and I'm a better drawer than writer be easy on me yeah?
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When entering any place of business, such as a store or restaurant, if a staff member greets you, then acknowledge them and greet them back.
Although for many jobs it's a required part of their job to greet you, especially retail workers, receptionists, and restaurant workers to name a few, that doesn't make it feel any less dehumanizing to say "Hello!" to another human being only for them to ignore you. Acknowledging staff members and greeting them back is important for acknowledging their humanity, they are, after all, a human being, and not an automated machine.
This is also important when going to check out at a store. If you approach the cash register, and the cashier greets you, you should acknowledge them and greet them back. Cashiers already have to deal with being dehumanized enough. The least you can do is help humanize them by acknowledging them when they greet you and speak to you.
#story time#when I worked retail I had several co-workers#who if someone approached the register and didn't say 'góðan daginn' back#my co-workers would just repeat themselves and refuse to start scanning their stuff until they said góðan daginn back#I did do that myself once or twice#but only to customers who I recognized and had spoken to before (and were speaking to someone else as they were approaching the register)#so I knew it wasn't an issue of being non-verbal or unable to speak that particular day#but otherwise I tried not to make a habit of it#especially with customers I didn't recognize and hadn't heard speaking to anyone else#since you never knew who was non-verbal or was disassociating ect.#I've also been in foreign countries where I was young and scared and afraid to respond to the cashier and give away that I was a foreigner#so anyway I tried to be understanding#but at the same time it did always feel dehumanizing to greet people all day and just get ignored#manners#good manners#courtesy#etiquette#politeness
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imagine a world where the heroes of olympus series was one big crossover. a world where we meet an eleven year old boy named jason, no last name because it reminds him of his mother — a drunk who literally threw him to the wolves as a toddler. jason, who's earliest memory is chewing on a stapler and his older sister tending to the wound on his bottom lip — but he hasn't seen or heard from her since they were separated years ago. jason, who grew up reaching for the sky like a purpose, desperate for a chance to prove himself. jason, who fought to save the world at fifteen years old. and jason, who finds himself in the grand canyon four months later with no memory of who he is or where he came from, feet away from some frantic sixteen year old girl in search of some dude named percy jackson. imagine what this could have been.
#one of the most frequent critiques i see about the lost hero is how the audience was introduced to character who's history was unknown#and i understand respect the approach rick chose#i mean#introducing the audience to a character they intially disregarded in search of a hero who couldn't be more different and respected and love#tricking the audience into treating him the way everyone else in his life must have (not that he remembers)#and for the audience to realize the severity of their ignorance in the wake his death#is such an amazing and heartbreaking payoff and i genuinely respect#but i think it would have been fun to grow with jason the same way we did percy#have a jason-centered seties based around roman mythology#running the same release time and story progression of percy jackson and the olympians#and then opening the lost hero for the first confused at why jason is without his friends from camp#then seeing annabeth's name and freaking out bc this will be the most epic crossover#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#pjo headcanon#hoo text posts#hoo#hoo headcanon#chb campers#cj residents
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Takes place in s2 after the scouts rescue Eren.
Blood had dried over your face. It dried over your lashes, making it hard to blink. The pain had numbed long ago, the cuts and slashes didn't hurt as much. At least, not as bad as how your heart ached.
You should have been in the med-bay. In your dorm perhaps. In the bathroom showering up, you think. But instead you found yourself slumped against Levi's door. You weren't even sure why. But out of all the places, this was what the first place you could think of. You needed to run. To hide. But there were people everywhere. And everyone was covered in blood and everyone was crying and everyone was staring. And everyone kept asking you questions and they all looked half-dead and goddamnit, you couldn't take it anymore.
You ended up here, for some reason. Instinctively, you had seeked him out. Well-aware he wouldn't be here but nevertheless.
It was the only side of the building that wasn't swarming with people anyways.
But you think you needed something to ground yourself. Needed his familiar gray eyes to glare at you. Some sense of sanity, clarity, safety.
You wished he was here, you thought.
So that he could scold you. Yell at you to get your ass up and get cleaned because you're filthy and you're bleeding all over his carpet.
Maybe that's what you need.
Maybe his sharp tongue would finally snap you out of this nightmare.
"What..are you doing here?"
You jolted. Your stiff, blood-crusted lashes barely fluttered as you blinked up.
He was there, standing in front of you, eyes widened just a fraction, confused and surprised.
You sighed.
You take it back, you don't really want to see him right now.
"..Levi." You muttered, not bothering to get up. Or even move. Your body give itself up a little more, leaning the rest of it's weight on the door. "Didn't think you'd be back so soon."
"Where am I supposed to be?" He asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"I don't know?" You shrugged. "By Erwin's sick bed?"
"I hate hospitals."
Your mouth twiched. Of course he did. "Will Erwin be okay?"
"He'll live,” He sighs. "His arm won't though.”
You looked away.
“Was it bad?” He asked, carefully watching you with narrowed eyes. You knew exactly what he meant.
“What do you think, genius?”
Levi stared, unease in his posture. He looked uncertain. He'd known the answer, the moment the first horse came in. There were too much blood, too many injured. He knew the answer when he'd saw Erwin, his uniform bloodied and mangled. Hange looked terribly exhausted and the brats looked banged up as well. It doesn't take much for one to add two and two and understand what it'd been like.
Then he'd looked for you. Wildly. He was looking at every horse that passed through, observing every hooded face. Then he paused by the medical room, glancing over every person, but no, no you. There was no you. So he could successfully rule out that you were heavily injured as well.
So when he'd went out to search for you, this was not the place he'd thought he'd find you.
This was, also, definitely not the state he'd thought he'd find you in.
Slouched down in a pool of blood and filth, you were curled up so close, as if trying to make yourself smaller, to make you disappear. He felt a sense of relief when he noticed you weren't too injured. At least, not physically.
There was something wrong though. The more he looked at you, the more frail you appeared. There was something in the way you looked, so tired, so terribly exhausted. The eyes of someone lost. Someone who had just survived hell. Someone who didn't know where else to go. From all the years he'd known you, he'd never seen you this fazed.
He felt a sudden feeling of helplessness. He didn't know how to help you. But he swallowed it down and spoke anyway.
"Are you.. alright?"
You glanced up. He was looking at you, actually looking at you, with worry.
You thought about it for a second
"...no." You swallowed.
He inhaled, nodding, like he wasn't expecting any different answer. His eyes glanced over you.
"You're covered in blood."
"Don't worry, most of it isn't mine."
"I can see you're bleeding." He said. "Why are you not in the med wing?"
"...I needed space." You mumbled, hugging your knees close to your chest. But he was giving you that look, that look that made you feel as though he could see right through your soul. It always made you feel so exposed. So small. You wish you didn't look so vulnerable as you must do. "..that's why I came here. Didn't think you'd be around."
"You're bleeding out on my office carpet.”
That made you grin, "I know. " You said. "I'm sorry. I'll move in a bit.”
"Are you hiding?" He asked, his voice low. God, he knew you too well. Always the escapist, always running away when it got too much. And he’d always dragged you right back.
"Maybe." You admitted.
There was a pause, thick and heavy. You couldn't hold his gaze anymore. You leaned your head back, closing your eyes, you wished he’d leave, wished he couldn’t see how close you were to breaking.
Breathe.
Breathe.
You couldn't.
"Stop."
You blinked at him, it came out breathless. "What?"
"Don't.” He repeated. “I know what you're doing."
"I'm not doing anything—"
"No. You're shutting yourself out."
"What's that even supposed to–"
"And you're angry at me. You're looking at me like you're angry at me. I can tell. " He said, frowning as the realization came across him. Confused. "Why are you angry at me?"
You didn't know what to say. You stared at him as his gray eyes searched your face for an answer. An answer you didn't know yourself. The more he looked at you and the more you looked at him, the more you felt the strange lack of air in your chest rise.
What do you tell him? You could always lie. Tell him it's nothing. He's seeing things. You couldn't think. But no matter what you made up, he'd see through you anyways.
You did feel angry.
Were you angry at him? You thought. Not really. Anger was the last emotion you felt. Not towards him.
Did a part of you blame Levi for this whole shit? Yes, you did. As unreasonable as it was, you did. You hated that Levi wasn't there. You hated that you had to face this alone, how vulnerable you'd felt without him. And you hated that, maybe if he was there, so many less people might've died. It might've been so much easier.
You might cry.
You weren't angry.
But you were scared. You were terrified. You were traumatized. You couldn't breathe. And you wished he'd stop looking at you like that for fucks sake.
"I'm not angry at you. Why would I be angry at you?" You mumbled, the bitterness in your voice so obvious.
"That's what I'm asking."
"Well, I'm not. Your people reading skills are questionable."
"People reading skills? Yes, perhaps." He agreed quietly, looking down at you. "You though? I've known you way too long. So why the fuck are you angry?"
"Because you weren't there, you dumbfuck!" You yelled, the words rushing out before you could even have a chance to stop them. There were angry tears running down your cheek and you pressed your blood covered hands to your mouth to stop yourself from letting the choked sob come out. He was right. You were angry. Not angry at him, but you felt rage, and you had to let it out.
"Couldn't have found a better time to get your stupid injury, could you?" Your voice cracked. "You just had to not be there the only time I needed you!" He looked so hurt, you realized. His brows furrowed together as he watches you, listening quietly as you threw words at him you didn't even mean. Cruel, cruel, cruel. He looked so hurt. And confused. He didn't deserve this. You needed to stop.
Everything you went through today, every bit of fear you'd experienced, everytime you'd felt helpless, everytime you'd wished he was there only to find he wasn't, every gruesome, bloody memory was tangling up in your chest, demanding to get out. It burned you down. If you didn't let it out, you'd turn into ashes here.
"What's the point," You bit the words out, "What's the point of being so fucking strong? Of being humanity's fucking strongest or whatever? Tell me what the bloody point if you can't even be there when we need you?"
"I'm so fucking mad at you," You whispered angrily. "So fucking mad." You were gasping between the words. You needed to stop. You needed to breathe. "I could punch you." You rasped. "I can't even look at you, I can't even—"
You didn't get to finish what you were going to say, because then Levi was down on his knees in an instant, pulling you into him. You struggled, your instincts still jumpy from the last hour, pushing against him and trying to peer away. But he was stronger than he ever was and he held you close, pressing your head to his shoulder.
Your breath hitched, your words coming to a stop as a choke came out. You could feel his heartbeat. It was slow, calming down your own. Breathe.
You weren't angry anymore.
Suddenly, all the rage left your body, the adrenaline rush had died down and you melted right into him. Now all you felt was sadness. Unbearable sadness. There was a void in your heart, empty and cold, and it kept reminding you of everything that had happened today.
"I thought—" you whispered, "I thought we were gonna die.” Your voice cracked as the quiet confession left you. The words were stumbling out of you, a desperate attempt to make him understand. He had to understand. “I was so, so scared, Levi." Your fingers dig into his shirt and you were almost gasping. "And then—and then fucking Erwin almost died and—and everything started going dipshit and I—I thought we were all gonna die and that's the end of it. And I was—I was—"
"Breathe," He whispered in your ear, reminding you. So uncharacteristically gentle. "Breathe. It's over. You're not there anymore.
It was the softness in his voice you think. Like he understood. Like he knew exactly why you were here and how he got you here. There was all the patience in the world when he spoke, all the kindness. It finally broke you. You tried to inhale but there was a tight knot in your throat and it constricted with every tight inhale, as if your lungs were squeezing themselves. Breathe, he said. You had to breathe.
But it was so hard to. Instinctively, you latched onto him, clinging to him desperately as your lungs fought for air. You were drowning and he was the last solid thing. If he let you go now you would fall. You would cease. You would break. You buried your face in his chest. Warmth. He was so warm. Always so warm. And it was so cold there, you thought you might never feel this again.
He felt so very much like home.
"You weren't there." You whispered accusingly. You hated him. "You weren't there, Levi."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"You weren't there and I was scared that I was gonna die alone. I hate that you weren't there, I wish you were there because–"
"I know." He repeated. "Hush. You're okay. You're breathing. And you're filthy as fuck but you're alive."
That made you snort. You let out half a sob. "I got blood over you."
He didn't say anything, only pulled you closer in response.
"You're strong." He muttered softly as you let yourself melt into him. There was no more strength left in you. You could only focus on his voice and nothing else. "And brave. And Smart as fuck. I knew you'd be okay. That you'd come back. I always believed in you."
You soaked in his affirmations, the words soothing you. You rested your head on his shoulder and he did the same, his hand gently rubbing circles on your back.
"..I was so scared." You repeated again, closing your eyes. A soft shiver ran through you. "I was scared that I'd never get to see you again. And I never even got to say a proper goodbye."
"Mhm." He hummed softly. "But you're here now. That's what matters. I'm sorry I wasn't there, but I'm here now."
He was holding you so gently. Like you were made of glass. Delicate. Fragile. It's impossible to think that a cold man like him was even capable of such gentleness. You clung to him, wondering how could someone still be so kind after the words you had thrown towards him.
"I wasn't really mad at you," you mumbled after a while, your breathing still uneven.
"I know."
"I didn't mean what I said."
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
Of course he did. He always did.
#levi ackerman#aot#levi#captain levi#levi heichou#snk#levi x reader#levi x you#levi thoughts#:3#as someone who often says the most unforgivable shit when going through extreme emotions#and to everyone else who does#levi would understand#he'd love you all the same#levi fluff#levi comfort#comforting Levi
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no but I'm genuinely so thankful for the people here, the community here. people who understand the grief, the anger, the devastation. even when I've been unable to find the words to say, just seeing someone say exactly what I'm feeling and others sharing it, like yeah they understand. they know it too. they're feeling it too. i really don't know how I would've coped without you people here.
#like who else would i have talked to???#people irl don't understand how it feels#i'm just grateful that at least we have each other
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So I've said multipe times now (here and here) that thinking nmj is just so blinded by privilege he doesn't undertand that acting out of line gets people killed is, in my opinion, a misunderstanding of his character that ignores the part where he's, you know, actively dying the whole time and thinks that's a good thing. But that doesn't mean I don't think privilege plays no role at all in how he views the world.
Specifically, his view that death (at least premature or violent death) means something.
Death isn't always a tragedy to NMJ, but it is always meaningful. If you kill an evil dangerous person for your righteous cause, that death had meaning. There was evil in the world and now there is less of it. Similarly, if you die in the pursuit of your righteous cause, that death has meaning, because the sheer dedication you gave to it that you were willing to die for it will further that cause, and your bretheren will be invigorated by your sacrifice to fight even harder.
If a death isn't meaningful, that's an injustice and it is up to the living to give it meaning. That's what cuts so deep about his father's murder. There were no consequences, no changes, no meaning. Wen Ruohan was just going to get away with it! He fights and wins an entire war to make it mean something, to make it so that the unjust murder of Nie Mingjue's father is part of Wen Ruohan's downfall.
But this is a view he can only hold because he's the kind of person who's death will be meaningful. Most ordinary people's deaths are meaningless. Not ontologically, not inherently, but they are made meaningless because no one cares. For death to be meaningful you either have to be so powerful that anything you risk your life for will be impacted in some way. (Like, say, if you sacrifice a long life for immense martial power in a faustian bargain with a blade) Or if people with that kind of power care enough about you to do so for you. For most people, this isn't true. A starving street kid has no power to change the unfair world that put them there, even if they risk their life trying, and no one will do it for them once they die.
Nie Mingjue knows this in abstract, and of course rightfully believes it's wrong. But all that does is make it yet another righteous cause people should be willing to die for. Everyone's deaths should mean something, we'll make it so or die trying!
This is what the conflict between nieyao is about at its core. Because Jin Guangyao, fundamentally, cannot conceive of his own death as meaningful. Nie Mingjue grew up around powerful men who could change the world but refuse to do so because god forbid they risk a single hair on their perfect heads. Meng Yao, on the other hand, grew up in an environment where no one of importance would blink twice if you died. He was surrounded by meaningless death. Indeed his entire early life is defined by that lack of care.
Meng Shi dies and no one cares. Meng Yao gets thrown off a flight off stairs and no one cares. He has to be the one to do the caring, and once he's gone no one else will do it for him.
So he has to live.
Jin Guangyao eventually gets far enough that he actually does aquire the power to change some things... as long as he's alive. If he changes too much, holds on too tightly to his ideals, he'll die and it'll all be for nothing. He can't sacrifice himself for his goals because doing so would immediately render those goals unobtainable. No one will care about what he tried to do. He won't be a heroic sacrifice, he'll just be trash that finally cleaned itself up.
And well... Nie Mingjue dies, and someone makes it mean something. Makes it mean so much that the entire story of mdzs would not exist without it. Jin Guangyao dies and it doesn't mean anything. Most people are glad to be rid of him, and the few that are not don't do anything to change that.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#meng yao#nieyao#of course the inherent tragedy is that nmj is totally THE guy to ask if you want your death to mean something#nmj's reaction the the fact that most ppl's deaths are meaningless is to go: yes and I should change this.#If everyone thought like me this wouldn't happen anymore I simply need to get EVEN MORE HARDCORE about justice to MAKE them care#and this quality- which makes him the one person perhaps capable of making jgy's death mean something- also makes him a threat to his life#so jgy kills him because he needs to live. And then his beliefs about the meaninglessness of his own death are doomed to be true#what else was he supposed to do? just die and TRUST that someone would make it mean something?#like his mother trusted that his father would come back for them?#of course he can't do that.#just like how nmj's upbringing means that by the stairs he can't see how jgy- son of a sect leader and extremely capable-#is any different from the men who wrung their hands and told him that wen ruohan is just *too powerful* they can't do anything about him.#(*guy who killed wrh and wil go on to kill jgs voice* i just can't do anything about my dad being evil)#if jgy had agreed to risk his life and asked nmj to make it mean something if he died nmj would have said yes.#which is why he can't understand jgy wouldn't just ASK that.#jgy meanwhile has not been informed that was a fucking option and if he was wouldnt be able to trust that it'd actually happen.#for reasons outlined above#ahhh tragedy and inability of characters to understand each other i love you
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The sinking feeling of tragedy in slow motion.
THIS HEADCANON STARTED AS A ONE OFF JOKE HOW DID WE GET HERE [HEAD IN HANDS]
#great god grove#ggg grujaja#ggg inspekta#I DONT CARE IF ANYONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS MY HC ABOUT GR AND HIS RELATIONSHIP TO THE BIZZYS AND INSPEKTA I NEED TO DRAW IT OR DIE#“worst babysitters in the grove” hc ruining my fucking life#it was only a silly hc at first how did it get here. sits. dies even#you would think inspekta would expect this outcome but he was hoping bringing him to the grove would give him some other sense of purpose#this is before inspekta fully starts spiraling as well#alas. it just bred a form of idolization of who Grujaja sees as someone who saved him from being alone in the drain his whole life#the bizzyboys are full of guys with idolization problems without perceived self purpose and issues but damn. damn.#i put cult-like mental dependencies in this poor guy. oops.#anyway i decided AFTER merging all the layers to color this so it was super experimental as a coloring attempt and was super fun#n i like the result so itz a win to me!!!
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saikis powers are a vital part of him so it makes sense that people who dont know about them cant truly understand his whole self, but its also very silly to me when people act like its the ONLY important part of him... people act like his friends that arent in the know are completely blind to who saiki is, but i feel like that kinda means you missed some major points... he cant keep his powers a secret forever and it DOES matter, but he can still be loved and KNOWN without knowing about them... hes still human, he still has a personality, he still has regular likes and dislikes, etcetc
his friends perspectives on him may have been wrong at first, but they CHANGED... they know him and love him, and theyll KEEP loving him the SAME once they know of his powers...
some people cough cough cough in this fandom like to reduce saiki to JUST his powers and its so obvious that you just. missed everything. you didnt absorb anything from the show, you just saw it and went "ha, everyone thinks hes just a guy when hes actually super cool and powerful" no no no, he IS cool and powerful but look a little closer and at his core he is still LITERALLY JUST A GUY 😭😭😭
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d0ccaf95810667deee48b72fad0abbd0/463a73b9803c3afb-eb/s640x960/6f4bf38ea20f76bccb2e737f5c5aa0b817673861.jpg)
hes such a guy.....
#idk this goes back to how i think its weird that people think how he treats toritsuka is 'his true personality coming out'#like ?? hes a dick to him because he deserves it. not because saiki is a dick.#'so sad how his other friends only know him as a boring introvert' hey idk how to tell you this but hes actually still that#he may be more fun and childish and silly than most of his friends know#but above all hes still an introvert who loves sitting in his house and doing nothing#his favorite hobbies besides that are video games and coffee jelly#i fear you may be the one who doesnt understand saiki if you think the two sides of him his different friends see cant coexist#hes still the same guy#even the people who are in the know see a limited side of saiki#i fear akechi is the only person who gets to see all of him#and even that has a limit. i guess i wouldnt say 'all' but both sides#'the mixer scene was just teruhashi showing she doesnt know anything abt him since she thinks he would just sit there' yk what. dont pmo.#that is quite literally just factually what he WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING#even around everyone who knows about his powers#what the fuck else would saiki be doing??? singing and doing standup ?????#no dude. hes fun and likes singing and is funny and likes showing off but not in that way and definitely not in that setting#if u genuinely believe saiki would be the life of the party at a mixer instead of just sitting there making the occasional sarcastic commen#then youve severely misjudged him😭#what version of saiki k did you even watch actually#'the awesome cool nonchalant life of saiki k'#sorry this is really just a rant above all else#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post#meownalysis
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