#/genuinely/ life as might evolve on an entirely different planet

[universalcaffination]

Ohhh Ms Duane, I have a question for the author! 🙋

I am immeasurably curious about this interaction - it sounds like Bones is asking if Spock can feel Kirk's thoughts? Had the idea of them having a t'hy'la/mental bond been floating around already, or was there other inspiration you found for this little bit?

(Ps, I'm loving how bones and spock interact in Doctors Orders, it feels so organic!)

[scienceandstorytelling]

I would love to hear about your experience as a park ranger! I'm trying to shift my work into park stuff (and nature stuff in general) and I don't know much about park rangers

Aaa hello!

So I was an interpreter at a state park, it was a small park with nothing too dramatic happening (@wild-west-wind is a ranger at a National Park and has more experience than me and talks about it in their park ranger tag). The best part about my park was that it was in a fairly suburban area, about an hour away from a major city, so I feel like it was really valuable for people to find this area of nature that was preserved right here near their homes. One of my goals was to show them that some of the nature there could be found at their own homes as well.

Idk what kind of things you want to know and whether I have the experience to answer it, but I want to say that my main goal was to connect people both to nature in general and, as I said, the nature around them at home. The suburbs can both feel like and actually be somewhat of a wasteland sometimes (this is a main theme in the book of short stories I’m working on). But nature cannot be erased entirely. People’s lawns are made of manicured monoculture grass, but that grass is still a plant. There may be a small group of trees on the corner, but they’re still trees. Butterflies, bees, and other pollinating bugs still come to the exotic and ornamental flowers they plant in their yards. Coyotes, raccoons, and foxes sniff around their trash cans at night. Birds, squirrels, moss, lichen, and countless bugs live in those few trees on the corner. Hawks sit on the backyard fences, and ospreys and herons fly overhead, commuting from fish pond to reservoir. And that’s only the life we’re capable of seeing. The local ecosystem may not be healthy, but it’s always there.

I want to connect people to that kind of thing. I want them to pay attention to the plants and animals that share their neighborhood. They don’t even have to learn species names, it’s enough just to notice that there’s moss on that tree or that there are multiple types of weeds in the crack on the sidewalk or that that one bush is always full of birds in the morning. And the start of that journey might be having me point out wildlife in a slightly more wild setting, teaching them to notice and think about and wonder about various different things. If I point out how the male dragonflies are guarding prime egg-laying spots if you only stop to watch, maybe they’ll wonder what else they can notice if they stop and pay attention to the bugs in their yard. If I show them the little spring flowers under their feet that they didn’t even notice, maybe they’ll look for them as they walk to their mailbox at home. If I teach them to listen to the alarm calls that birds make, maybe it will unlock a whole new soundscape in their backyard.

Connecting to nature is important both for conservation and for our own physical and mental health. The more we care about something, or at least understand it, the more we protect it. People don’t need to come away from my hikes loving vultures, but if they come away understanding that every living thing is connected in our ecosystem, that’s what’s important. They don’t have to like vultures to see the importance of that interconnectedness and consider their own role in it (although liking vultures is always encouraged). And not only is our health linked to the health of the planet, we are also a species that evolved in nature like every other and it is genuinely good for our health to engage with it. Exercise is one thing, but then also just being in the sun improves the quality of sleep you get and increases the production of dopamine and serotonin in your brain. Exposure to nature makes you more relaxed. Being aware of the living things around you is mentally stimulating and makes you feel less alone, and more engaged with the passage of time and the things going on around you. This is why nature accessibility is so important, both in terms of having natural spaces available to people of all income levels and in a way that works with our capitalist work and life schedules and in terms of making it accessible to disabled people, especially those who can’t leave the house. (Side note, I really admire how @geopsych gets people that nature exposure and connection through their photography)

So idk, that’s my mission as a nature educator. Yes, I love infodumping and getting to show people coyote pelts and baby bugs and all the little nature secrets. But that’s the larger goal I carry beyond the self-satisfaction of talking about nature facts. It’s a very big goal but like everything in an ecosystem, little impacts add up, and I hope I’ll be able to make lots of those little impacts throughout my life.

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK DYNAMICS: JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

PREFACE

In my previous post, I shared my thoughts on what I think is Jikook's love language, specifically Jungkook's; and how in my estimation Jimin is the only member within BTS that speaks it, comes close to speaking it and most importantly makes the effort to speak it.

In this post, I attempt to outline what I think is Jimin's love language and show the various ways I feel JK speaks it or comes close to speaking it more so than the others in BTS.

Now I have to state for the record that I do not know or purport to know Jimin or Jungkook or any of these members herein mentioned in any way special and personal other than through the content we all consume on them.

Nor do I intend to be malicious or disrespectful towards them with this post, to intend to strip away their individuality for the sake of shipping symmetry.

Thus, I reiterate, everything I express in here is my thoughts, my observations and my opinion and I pray you treat it as such.

Let the records show, also that, I will bug spray any fake woke wannabe edgy shipper with a Tuktukker complex that takes my words out of context, misconstrue it to suit their own agenda and then turn around to call me out for it. In the name of Jesus, I will avada kedabra your ass. Seriously.

JIMIN

I've always been fascinated by Jimin. By the person he is. And although I do not have a comprehensive understanding of this man's inner workings, he's got to be the most complex and frankly interesting character I've come across in all my shipping years.

His duality is confusing and coupled with his Libra energy, his character and personality can be and is quite often misconstrued and misinterpreted within the shipping community.

He is friendly, cute, funny, beautiful and ship compatible with anyone.

Very often, I find, most people cannot tell his personality from his idol self slash persona or even his love language from his affectionate nature; thus resulting in these bizzare fallacies and ridiculous assumptions about him such as: he is a flirt, hoe, clingy, homewrecker, attention seeker and a plethora of slurs and sobriquet that's defamatory and slanderous at best- its ridiculous.

I get that not everyone likes him and as such wouldn't hesitate to filter his words and actions through arbitrary metrics to arrive at conclusions that profits them and does nothing but help them make sense of their hate- Y'all don't love yourselves enough.

Not to say he is my bias therefore he is perfect. That would be a blunder. He has his shortcomings, he is human after all. What I'm saying is most people don't get him and as such read him wrong?

What's more discombobulating, is the stan who swears up and down they know Jimin well enough but don't see him treating JK any different from the rest of the boys in BTS therefore Jikook isn't real- insert shook pikachu face.

Then there are those stans with genuine shipping concerns about the love dynamics between the two:

Those that feel JM gives more to JK than he receives back. That he is more supportive of JK than JK is of him. Very often, these people would bring up the issue of JK not promoting Promise when it first came out as evidence of this- it's been years let it go.

JK not being as vocal and open about his feelings and interest in JM the way Jimin is and has been about JK is also another area of concern for these stans. If you try to explain to them its because JK is/was shy they will kick- your- ass. Hell, I will kick your ass too. I'll explain later.

Some people also- I know I have at one point- have described JK's interest in and descriptions of JM as a bit shallow and vain compared to how the other members speak of Jimin.

To them, the other members usually talk about how smart and intelligent JM is, how kind and nurturing he is. How much of himself he gives to them. That the way the members talk about Jimin often helps give us a glimpse into the real Park Jimin as distinct from the persona we see on the screens.

But then there is JK: JM hyung is sexy. He has pretty eyes. 'I want you.' Then he proceeds to drool over the Jibooty, squeeze them legs shut tight while struggling to sit through a Jimin solo dance without popping boners left right left around Jimin- Bless him.

I mean, dude nearly snapped his neck trying to catch a glimpse of the Ji-abs in the middle of a performance? Damn.

To be fair, the other members don't talk like this about Jimin and sexualise Jimin as often as JK does because, they don't want to screw Jimin's brains out? Cough, cough. Hashtag save Jimin from JK. Lol

If JK is sexually attracted to Jimin, how else do you expect him to express that? Never mind that he's done some of these things subconsciously at times. You know what...

Y'all need to give this man a break!

[RANT]

He was a hormonal teen- he is still relatively pretty young. It's ridiculous to expect and demand such high level of maturity from a 16/17 year old experiencing a nonplatonic love for the first time in his life and more so in an unforgiving and invasive environment such as that in which he found himself.

Jk and Jimin found each other before they found themselves and it's unreasonable to think that that didn't have a toll on their relationship dynamics. They are human.

They are each growing and maturing at different paces. Their relationship has suffered through its growing pains; Certainly, one person is going to appear lacking in one or two areas in one way shape or form and at any given point in their love journey. That doesn't make them less real.

Again, their careers and the pursuit of it haven't exactly given them the space, time or normalcy to explore what they are and who they are in a functional way, in my opinion.

Everything is moving fast in their world, everything is highly exaggerated and highly scrutinized. Kpop is not exactly a healthy space to foster a healthy relationship and it would be a miracle if any of them should come out unscathed.

Neither one of them went searching for this love thingy nor were they even experienced enough to look at their relationship beyond the convenience of it and the excitement of it- The orgasms were enough reason for them, I think.

I get uncomfortable when some Jikookers, out of good intentions, claim Jikook knew what they were doing, should have known therefore could have known the consequences of them coupling up in a group like BTS before entering into their relationship- let me stop you right there!

While this assumption may seem like a compliment to them it also perpetuates the adultification of early days Jikook which I find disturbing.

They were teens not grown adults when they fell in love. We can't expect and demand such level of maturity from them at that age as cool as that would have made them.

They don't need to be cool to be real. They don't need to be mature to be real.

Jikook is real regardless of whether they were thoughtful or not thoughtful about the consequences of them choosing to date in a group setting, or a homophobic society at the onset of their relationship.

It's ridiculous to dismiss what they are now on the grounds that S.K is a homophobic society or that dating a coworker is not inconsequential.

People date their coworkers all the time and there are gay couples in S.K.

Jikook were too young to comprehend the consequences of dating because which teen worries about all of that before popping one off for the lord? On which planet, sir/ma'am??Were they thinking with their 'ducks?' I believe so. But again, that doesn't make them any less real.

From what I can tell anyway, 2018 was the year Jikook had anything resembling a serious thoughtful contemplation of the status of their relationship- Well, 2018 and this later half of 2020 as some of you might have already noticed. More on this later.

But yes, this adultification of early days Jikook is absurd and needs to stop. And what's equally disturbing is the infantilization of the adult day Jikook- you can't expect Jikook dynamics to remain the same throughout the years. That's bizzare.

Don't expect them to be their same jeonlous, Jimlous, possessive selves. They are growing. They are evolving as individuals and as a pair.

I side eye the fuck out of these fake woke shippers and 'grown ups' who filter Jikook interactions through adult lens and tag moments like Jimlous and Jeonlous as toxic and unhealthy without taking into context where they were at in their love journey or even their age. What y'all think this is? Fiction? Get the fuck outta here.

Jikook have had to learn and grow on the Job and around their job and learn to love eachother under the scrutiny of severe cameras and weird Ahjummas. Leave them the fuck alone or I swear I will petrify your ass for an entire comeback season. Lol

[Rant over]

All that being said, I get it. The way JK talks about Jimin isn't exactly special or unique from the way the other's speak about Jimin. But it isn't exactly superficial either...

And yes, it's quite unsettling that he doesn't describe Jimin in a way that gives meaningful insight into Jimin's personality as distinct from the others', given as he has exclusive access to Jimin more so than any of the members- we have a lot to unpack today, don't we?

Then on the other hand, there are those who think the exact opposite and see JK as the one who gives more to their relationship. That JK takes their relationship more seriously than Jimin does. They see Jimin as a bit wishy-washy when it comes to his commitment to their relationship- this breaks my heart.

Often, such people will cite Jimin's flirty nature, his lack of boundaries with others amongst other things, to prove their point...

Grab a seat, this discussion is going to be a long one. Smiley face.

JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

Jimin first got on my alt-ship radar in Rookie King when he was given an opportunity to air any and all of his grievances accumulated over the years against any member or staff of BigHit but instead chose to use that opportunity to talk about JK and how JK's actions had been hurting him.

Prior to this, he was just my bias and I would casually ship him with Suga, V, RM and basically all the members- except JK. I just couldn't ship JK with anyone.

Back then, I had a vague sense of JM's personality but felt I knew enough about him to theorize on his love language and JK was the last person I thought of as capable of meeting those emotional needs of Jimin's.

Rookie King changed my mind.

Jimin wasn't just trying to squash his differences with JK, he was trying to get closer to him. To get emotionally intimate with him- this is one of the things that sparked my interest in their dynamics.

Because it wasn't as if they weren't close. They were. They had a skinship between them. Skinship, or lack of physical boundaries as I like to call it, is one of the means through which BTS achieve intimacy amongst them.

Jikook had that between them at the time, they went everywhere together, woke each other up- they were close.

Yet Jimin felt they weren't close enough. That there was a wall between them. Now, I see a lot of people misinterpret this period in the Jikook timeline as that Jimin was crushing hard on JK. He wasn't. In my opinion.

You see, Jimin was the last person to Join the band. This was bound to have an effect on his relationship dynamics with the rest of the members as he had missed out on two years worth of emotional connection and camaraderie with them.

He had had only one year to bond and get to know the others away from the cameras and in a way that could help him develop a sense of belongingness within the group.

Within this one year, he had school, voice training, and other activities that possibly got in the way of him truly building an intimate connection with the others.

He is the only member out of the seven whose intimacy journey got captured on camera. He had to foster a connection with the others with the cameras around.

But building a connection with people even in a platonic sense is quite an intimate and private process. It takes vulnerability, honesty, a willingness to submit and subject oneself to varying degrees of humiliation, a sacrifice of the self, ego and pride in a way that just strips you naked- metaphorically speaking.

And in Jimin's case, he had to go through this stage and process openly and with the cameras around- the second hand embarrassment I get from watching early days Park Jimin!

He literally had to be the clown of the group, the hufflepuff, the clingy one, the flirty one, the one with the abs, the loud and chatty one as well as all the tasteless epithets people now weaponize against him.

I believe, all he was trying to do at this stage was breach the barriers he felt existed between him and the others as the newcomer of the group so he didn't feel like an outsider.

That is his first love language- the need to belong. He has a strong desire to feel connected with people. He cares about people and connection. He's reiterated this throughout the years and even more loudly in the recent Japan interviews.

He wanted to be part of BTS both physically and emotionally. He wanted to fit in, to belong with them, to be accepted and viewed as one of the boys- BTS.

You could see this in the way he had adopted the mannerisms of the group- the skinship, the love language of the group if you will.

It is why when Suga complained about him not liking him as much, Jimin immediately drew closer to him and wrapped his hands around him, initiating skinship between them to show he liked him.

Jimin tried to speak the groups love language so he could bond with them but he also began to infuse his own love language.

If you've seen his relationship with his father you'd understand that Jimin expresses his love through giving, nurturing etc. It is how his primary care givers showed him love and so how he also shows and conveys his love.

The members have talked about how he would encourage them to talk, to open up, how he would listen to them, be there for them and give them gifts- the birthday gift exchange culture in BTS didn't exist until Jimin arrived in BTS.

What I'm trying to say is, Jimin has a distinct way of showing love that is unique from how everyone else in the group expresses their love. That, there is also an established love parlance within BTS that everyone speaks and that is skinship.

So when Jimin does skinship with any member he is not acting 'clingy' he is just speaking the love language that the group understands. But when Jimin nurtures and acts supportive and what not, he is speaking his own unique love language.

Now I have talked extensively about how Jimin expresses his in my last post so I will be focusing mainly on how he receives loves or what gestures he interprets as love.

And since there is a general consensus that VMin have an emotional connection, I will be referencing their relationship a lot for comparisons sake.

Tae is the only member Jimin got to spend the most time with around predebut without the intrusion of the cameras. This i feel allowed Tae room to strip back and be fully vulnerable with Jimin without reservation as is required of intimacy- which was not the case for Jikook hence JK shying away from interacting with JM in front of the cameras.

Jikook wasn't accorded the luxury of privacy VMin had to build their bond. Jikook had to build their bond with the camera's trailing them. How many times have we seen JK give death stares to the camera people for invading his me time with Jimin?

Not to be psychoanalytic but I feel, this is what induced the exhibitionist tendencies we see in them- or perhaps I'm wrong and this is just them being extra. Bless them.

Within the one year JM was trying to connect with JK through skinship, JK was also only coming around to understanding what skinship meant to him. They were evolving at different paces.

JK has the most walls in BTS. He wasn't just physically closed off to skinship in the early days forcing Tae to strip him naked in the bathroom, he was emotionally closed off too.

He is still pretty much emotionally closed off- he likes to put up walls. He had his own room at the dorm, does his own laundry, barely keeps in touch with the others or pick up the damn phone when they call etc.

Jk barely partakes in the group's established way of life except for perhaps the skinship. In my opinion.

It took JK a while to understand this culture of skinship though. And the members, all of them, had to push his boundaries further back in order to connect with him.

For instance, Jin pinching his nipples to wake him up, Tae doing- well, all of it. Go watch Taekook sexual tension edits, I dare you. You'll understand.

These members had three years off camera with JK to build a connection with him and even they were met with some resistance from JK.

All Jimin had was a year with JK. I feel Jimin lowkey coveted what the others had with JK and perhaps wanted to have that with him too. Why? Because of his need to belong and connect with people. Watching JK's dynamics with the others probably made him feel left out.

I also understand how this could have been overwhelming for young JK who was having both his physical boundaries and emotional boundaries breached at the same time by this person whom he he'd known for only a year.

That's just one of the major differences between Jikook and Taekook: while Tae was busy breaching the physical walls between him and JK, Jimin was attempting emotional heist on him. Bravo Jimin, Bravo.

So do I think at this point in 2013 that Jikook were falling in love or had fallen in love? NO. But what I took from that moment was that Jimin wanted and needed to feel a sense of belongingness with JK.

Mind you I said he wanted to belong, not owned. Freedom is a component of Jimin's love language. In as much as he wants to be kept he wants to be set free- To be be given the room and freedom to explore options and take risks without judgement and without sanctions.

This need is often misconstrued as him being noncommittal.

His need for freedom, I believe, stems from his being raised in a conservative home with parents that directed and dictated every facet of his life and wouldn't even allow him to pursue his passions until later. It took a while for his father to give him the go ahead to pursue his dream- which is performing on stage.

This is why I said in my last post that Jimin has a need to be in control of the decision making in a relationship. Being able to do as he pleases is important to him. Being able to control his own narrative is important to him. And the only person in BTS that permits him to have such authority over him is JK.

Now, I know you are going to say 'but JK is a bit possessive yadda yadda yadda'.

Listen, Jimin's need for freedom is inextricably linked with his fear of judgment and repercussion. What this means is, although he wants his freedom he is often afraid of what will happen if he should go for it.

As such, very often he wouldn't do anything without permission. Especially if he feels it's going to land him in trouble.

I fist noticed this in the 2014 Jikook bangtan bomb when he said he was starting to take a liking to JK but then right after he asked if JK was ok with that. Suga have also said, Jimin doesn't go out of his way to do things that makes people hate him- See this is why he needs JK. He could use some rebellion in his life.

However, this fear of sanctions often makes him complacent to and an accomplice in toxic behavioural patterns.

For instance, until recently, he would enable JK and encourage his acts of jealousy and possessiveness and even incite them at times. He would hold on to the thorns if it means keeping the rose.

But I see him asserting himself and demanding space within their relationship at times but when he does and JK withdraws he would act clingy around JK.

It is what Manila was about, what August 2019 was about and what April/May 2020 was about. I know some of y'all don't agree with my analysis on these moments, but I'm gonna have to stand by it.

Jimin is all about the balance of scales. The balance of needs and wants. The balance of fears and desires. It's just the Libra in him. Give him too much freedom and he will feel unwanted, hold on too tight and he would feel suffocated.

'I value my relationship. Spending time with my friends is gold' remember this shade?

Jimin's fear of Judgment comes from being a perfectionist and also being raised in a conservative home with a lot of expectations of him to be the model son as the elder male.

Thus, he instinctively gravitates towards people who are less judgy or have too much expectations of him.

Also, because he believes he has to work hard to achieve the things he wwants he wants to be loved, it would mean a lot to him if he didn't have to work hard to have someone love him.

It makes sense then that he would gravitate towards JK.

Jk embodies all of Jimin's wildest desires. I call this the allure of the Golden Maknae. Jk doesn't conform. He doesn't care about people's opinions of him and lives his life on his own terms- something Jimin is striving for.

No member in BTS is as free spirited, or as rebellious as JK is. When Suga told him not to get a tattoo because the fans would hate it- he's gotten it anyway hasn't he?

The best part, JK fell all on his own. And you damn right. he fell hard.

Still on the subject of fears, another fear I feel Jimin has that speaks to his love language is the fear of being a burden.

It is why he gives and gives and keeps giving. He'd rather give than receive. Which by the way, JK is the only member I have seen Jimin demand back what he gives him. Emotionally speaking.

Because he gives a lot of himself, he burns out quickly and feels emotionally drained quite often.

He has admitted himself that he used to drink by himself in his room whenever he felt drained. I assume he drank by himself because he didn't want to be a burden to others. Aka JK.

You see, JK is an empath. He feels people's pain as if they were his own. You just have to see him tear up while watching JM cry to understand what I mean by this. Jimin is a nurturer, he knows what it feels like to listen to someone's pain.

And if Tae is the one he goes to when it becomes overbearing then what does he need JK for? Glad you asked!

What JK offers Jimin is nourishment. A safe space for him to heal and reboot. JK replenishes Jimin. It is why he constantly wants to be around him.

Jk has been a canvas in their love dynamics from day one. They've both had to negotiate their needs and wants to make their relationship work. Which is something I find unique about their dynamics and why I believe they are real.

JK's lack of experience in dating, meant he had gone into their relationship without any preconceived notions of love. He's had to learn to love Jimin the way Jimin wants to be loved.

Coming from the background he's coming from, and having been denied his ambitions for such a long time, I see why Jimin would be drawn to people that are quite ambitious.

And even though, JK wasn't this person at first, Jimin has had to hype him up to the task. He pushes JK to be more ambitious.

When it comes to JK, I feel it's more about his potential to be everything Jimin wants in a partner and JK seems more than happy to comply with this.

Because of Jimin's duality and as a natural nurturer, I feel Jimin would also be attracted to someone emotionally open to recieving his love but not too emotionally dependent on him- the balance of scales I mentioned earlier.

It is why VMin wouldn't work, in my opinion. Tae is too emotionally dependent on Jimin. He ends up taking too much than he gives. On the other hand, Suga isn't emotionally dependent enough.

Again, for a man who's battled insecurity for years, it's safe to assume security, certainty and stability are an intricate part of his love language.

He seeks validation of these needs through the most random of things. In my opinion. He wants to be the one that knows JK the best. It matters to him if their clothes match, if their hair colors match, if JK meets his eyes in the middle of a serious comeback interview, if he checks all of JK's answers- hell, dude be whispering sweet empty nothings in JK's ears most times, talking about they are destined to be together and shit. You are me, I am you. Shit.

As annoying as some of these behaviors may be, JK is very considerate and tolerant of them and consideration is another one of Jimin's love language. This goes back to having been denied his dreams by his father. That denial flowed from a lack of consideration of his needs.

And as much as emotionally connected he is with Tae, Tae barely takes his feelings into consideration. And you see this in the letter Tae's written to Jimin. Or even in the dumpling incident where Tae put his want above Jimin's.

Not to mention the moments, JM have had to walk out of rooms because- Tae won't stop playing with JK's dam hair! Lol. They are cute.

People take from Jimin without reservation. But Jk is considerate as Jimin is of JK's needs.

Jk wasn't the 'exhibitionist' in that pair. He's a very private individual from what I can tell.

That PDA, that exhibitionism we see in them, that's all Park Jimin. He kinky. Dude freaky as fuck- we ain't mad at that. Bless him.

He enjoys public displays of affection. It's how he receives love. But PDA is not JK's love language, in my opinion. Yet he goes out of his way to show his affections for JM openly.

The best example I can give of this is Rosebowl.

JK understands that in order to be intimate with JM he has to allow himself to be influenced by him.

And Jimin understands that, as much as he wants to be close to JK that he doesn't have to rush him or force him into giving him the things he need from their relationship.

They are both very considerate of each other's needs, as random and ridiculous as those needs may be and cater to them in a way that is uniquely them.

Take the New Jersey live 2019 for example. Jimin seemed exhausted. Didn't want to be on another Live that night but JK clearly wanted to be seen on a Live together with him so he was there.

Another instance is the rock bison incident, where JM exchanged his toy for JK's just to make JK happy.

CONCLUSION

Listen, Jimin is in love with Jk no matter how imperfect you think he is.

No matter how much you think JK sucks at expressing his feelings for JM, Jimin loves him. No matter how close JM is with the other members, aka VMin, Yoonmin, Minimoni and the others; no matter the lack of emotional and physical boundaries between him and the others he will always fall back on Jk because none of those relationships fulfill him as much as JK does.

Jimin's constant need to be around JK could only mean there is some he gets from JK, a sense of fulfillment he gets that he doesn't get from any other member.

Keep supporting Jikook.

Signed,

GOLDY

[anakinisvaderisanakin]

Tony Stark Is An Emotional Man - My Unpopular(?) Take

So, I’m rewatching the MCU - because of course I am - and I just realized something watching The Avengers for the first time in probably 10 years.

While everyone believes Tony is a prick - and don’t get me wrong, he is 60% attitude in a small package - until he saves the damn planet; the statement he gives to Banner about the Hulk saving him is very heartfelt. He opens up about his own condition with the shrapnel, which is a rare moment of him being openly vulnerable - especially in the earlier phase of the MCU. He is being genuine, and he is trying to make Banner see the positives and understand that perhaps, the situation isn’t as bleak as he’s been thinking.

Tony is trying to provide help, to comfort Banner; not for his own gain but because he recognizes himself in Banner, in spite of their very different ways of handling their inner demons, and their wildly differing personalities. Because he knows what it’s like to lose your way and your self worth, and he wants to see Banner regain some sense of himself the same way he has.

It’s nice to see the kind side to Tony, and for him to expose it willingly to help a fellow team mate - and eventually friend - accept himself and his inner struggle. Tony does not get credit enough for the fact that he always did have that side to him, he just didn’t know how to show it. Even his jokes and snarky sarcasm get less “mean spirited” as he evolves, and grows as a person.

I feel like Iron Man 2 coupled with The Avengers (and of course Iron Man 3 added onto that) are a perfect portrayal of how Tony’s more outward sense of caring for people, despite his awkward sense of socializing, was already beginning to shine through the cracks.

To me, Tony Stark is by far the most compelling character because while I am not entirely like him, I recognize so much of myself and my own hardships. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself, and Tony is the perfect metaphor for that. He even directly likens himself to a phoenix in Iron Man 2, although played for laughs at the Stark Expo.

But not only that, later on in the movie when Steve insinuates that Tony is not a hero, that he would never sacrifice himself on behalf of another; that he fights for himself alone, and tells him he's basically nothing without the suit - you can see it's hurting him. Tony never really holds eye contact unless it's worth while; unless it's getting to him and requires his full attention coming from someone he truly trusts, unless it means something. You see him keep his eyes off of everybody in social situations before he knows them or they have earned his respect; you see him avoiding getting in neck deep, avoiding and brushing off comments on his distant persona.

But that insult right there; from the man his father would rave about, that's taking. You see the pain in his eyes, you see the fact that he's being torn open. You see that he's brought right back to who he once was, reliving the guilt of every mistake he ever made. All because of Steve's judgmental, misguided perception of him. Tony hides his true self; hides his suffering, and his internal grappling with his shame and guilt over every problem and death he's directly or indirectly caused. The fact that Steve Rogers - of all people, as the revered Captain America - cannot see through his surface disguise is really getting to him. I believe Tony had assumed Steve would be superhuman, and he's struck by the realization that Steve is no more human than he himself is. He has imperfections, and flaws, and jumps to conclusions.

And the fact that it is Steve, of all people, making these assumptions of him and taking these jabs at him makes it all the worse. You need only watch for Tony keeping eye contact throughout the verbal onslaught to know it's hitting home; and to know that Tony feels, Tony knows this is what people all initially think of him. He had just hoped that somebody as subjectively righteous and morally good as Steve would have the ability to see through the facade. The fact that he doesn't, and that he doesn't hold back on his opinion, is what hits the hardest.

Another point is when Fury informs the remaining team of Coulson's (faked) death. Tony doesn't look at anyone, he sits turned completely away from the conversation. You can see he's close to losing it, and if he were to speak, if he were to look up, were to make any sort of eye contact directly - he would crack. That's one thing I love about RDJ's portrayal of Tony; the fact that he is so terrified of showing his vulnerable side in front of others, even when he is grieving or blaming himself for any mishap. He feels like he has to be the strong one, like he has to keep it together. Not for himself as much as for everyone else - because if the unfeeling, arrogant Iron Man breaks, how are any of the other team mates going to make it?

If Tony of all people reveals he takes it harder than almost anyone else present, how are they going to see him as the same man? I love how it is only later in the MCU, that he exposes this side of himself more willingly and freely - like in Endgame where he mentions how he lost “the kid” while referring to Peter. He not only maintains eye contact with Steve as he admits that, he chokes up. This same theme is prevalent between them in Civil War when Tony asks Steve to lay down his guard and hand over Bucky, “because it’s us” - which is a testament to the fact that Tony has now accepted Steve as a friend and ally, and this betrayal of his hard earned trust is breaking his heart. But this early on, none of this has become a valid option to him yet. So he keeps it inside; refusing to show his true colours.

And in this moment, what does he do when it gets too much? When he's required to speak up, to acknowledge Fury's mention of The Avengers project? He ups and leaves. Because if he speaks; judging by the eyes alone (which is yet another credit to Robert) he's going to tear up. And hence, he walks out to get it under control, to reil himself back in. It’s a habit he throughout the franchise will begin to display less and less; as he learns to be more comfortable with the team as friends, as well as openly displaying his own emotions.

We see another side to this later when Steve approaches Tony alone one on one; and Tony initially attempts to make quips about how Coulson shouldn't have gone alone, how he was an outgunned idiot. Steve cuts straight to the core, and Tony snaps. You see him nearly tear up, you see how upset he truly is deep down and how he was only doing his best to play it off the only way he knows how. But as soon as he is spoken to, is forced to make an assessment, to actually talk about it; to look Steve in the eye and defend himself - that's the exposed vulnerability that is the real Tony Stark.

Behind the snarks, behind the facade, behind the charade of the arrogant, nonchalant prick he’s been trying to make the world see him for. He's as human as he could ever be; and I believe this is also the first time Steve notices that there is more to Tony than he had presumed. He too, had assumed Tony is too wrapped up in his own ego and lavish life resume to care for the smaller man. But here, he sees that Tony feels, Tony sympathizes, and Tony is deeply traumatized by the fact that he - as he feels - allowed this to happen. He sees that Tony believes this is on his conscious.

Tony's glassy eyes and emotional turmoil betray him, and even though he jumps right back to his intellect and brains as a safety net and a defense mechanism - addressing Loki's plan to hit them at home and split them apart - this is the first time Steve is exposed to Tony's determination, ability to assess and deduce the situation, as well as his belief in doing the right thing (another theme seen later in Age of Ultron regarding Tony’s creation of Ultron himself, as well as in Civil War where Tony is adamant that the Sokovia Accords are the right path to take to pay for the critical mistake Ultron turned out to be.) And as they assemble, you're struck with the realization that this has been enough of an eye opener for Steve to realize that there is more to Tony Stark than meets the eye.

And who is first to the tower, leading the charge if not Tony?

And despite his blind faith in his own skill and ability to stall Loki just long enough; there's the epitome of the courage Tony possesses. He knows that without the suit, he has no fighting chance. He knows Loki could snap his neck in the blink of an eye. And still, he never backs off. Indeed, there is an underlying death wish or at the very least a sense of him subconsciously feeling he deserves and is fated a grim deminse - but it does take unprecedented bravery to put yourself in such clear danger.

Tony Stark could be called many things; but a coward is not one of them. Sure, he does have the untested suit on hold, but he did not know 100% it was going to work as planned. He was counting on it, but you know a part of him knew it was a long shot and might not work out in the end. The suit could have been faulty, Loki could have cracked his head open; the cavalry could have been running late. Still, Tony gambles with his life and luckily barely comes out on top.

At last, we have the finale. What can be said about it, except the fact that it shows exactly who Tony truly is? He knows he's going to die - indeed he doesn't - but he is intent on that, he is accepting death and welcoming it. If it helps save the world, if it will keep Pepper and everyone he loves, everyone he knows; everyone alive safe.

Here, the decision from the first Iron Man to actually show us Tony's eyes and face behind the mask is a godsend. Seeing as RDJ is an actor who communicates so much of his emotional range with his eyes only; we are given an easy access to see everything Tony is experiencing flash through them. We see the fear, the pain, the uncertainty; the acceptance of the inevitable. We see his eyes convey the jumbled mass of conflicting emotions speeding through his mind, we see how he finally just relents and gives in to what he thinks is going to be his time of dying. His final moments.

And he has made them worthwhile, he has already achieved what Yinsen begged of him in that cave in Afghanistan - he has made his survival count. He has saved numerous lives, and if his death is what it takes - so be it. Cue the parallel to Endgame. Hell, even Age of Ultron has elements of this as previously mentioned; although that one was on Tony himself, and his irrevocable fear and flaws as a human being. However, here the team sees Tony's will to sacrifice himself firsthand, for the first time; and contrary to Steve's initial assessment that Tony would never put his life on the line for anyone but himself - he does just that.

This is what makes this movie so powerful.

Sure, it builds upon every team member’s arc; even Fury's. But it is Tony who proves himself above all; who shows the team what we the audience already knew. That he is a hero, that our past does not define us. That Tony Stark feels, that he knows right from wrong although he's still stumbling blind half the time - just like the rest of us. And it proves to Steve - to the entire team - that he is not merely the selfish, arrogant asshole only sticking up for himself. He is a man, albeit a flawed one, who cares deeply. Who feels, who mourns, who appreciates life and the people around him; and who is - behind the barrier he's placed between himself and everyone else to avoid getting hurt - extremely insecure. He is fearful, apprehensive, sensitive, and well aware of his shortcomings.

And Tony Stark is, first and foremost, a good man.

Repost from my previous blog.

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[kashayatantra]

What is Tantra really?

"It is of utmost importance to really understand that consciousness is not unveiled by sudden orgasmic fits or any use of extreme energetic exercises, agitation, gesticulations, pseudo-shamanic dances, and other popular tidbits of "doing" in what is sold in the West under the name of Tantra - but, rather, by the slow and gentle emergence of Objectless Love, which calmly waits for us to stop pursuing the unattainable." (Daniel Odier) I have noticed many workshops out there in this day and age, offering Tantra as a package to open up to your deepest sexuality and bliss in one workshop. The focus is around performance and being a ''goddess'' or an empowered man that can bring your woman into full pleasure. It’s about accessing your ‘divine feminine’, or being the man that you were meant to be. ​ There is often a volunteer woman on the workshop demonstrating full sexual shaking ongoing dramatic body orgasms with deep bouts of pleasure, and groaning sounds of bliss. While that appears to be ideal and im not discrediting those that genuinely benefit from those workshops and are able to shift from those experiences, I am also very much aware that there are many that can be left traumatised by the illusions of the potential false promises of a climax that requires time and deep journeying in order to mature into, which often isn't possible in one workshop. The trauma happens because we see this happening to one person and our minds become fixated with the idea that there is something wrong with us if we are not experiencing the same, and so we jump from workshop to workshop with the focus of experiencing the same thing, whilst feeling deeply disheartened when we don’t. Firstly it should be mentioned that full body orgasms and love making is simply an ASPECT of practice on the path of Tantra, but it's NOT what Tantra is about. To progress with it, we need to understand what Tantra is, in order to understand how it can be of benefit to one’s life especially around sexual expansion. ​ Tantra a journey that inevitably brings your entire Being; body mind and soul into the present moment where you are able to receive and meet the truth of life. This truth is not based on some old trigger that lies dormant and energetically lodged in your body, filtered through your mind and projected into your reality as truth. It’s a meeting of your reality beyond the conditioned mind, free flowing and trusting in the moment for whatever arises without needing to negate it be it light or dark. ​ It’s the full individuation from an idea of who you are or how the world is, or how you should be in order to be accepted. This individuation materializes through fully dissolving however it is that you have previously been brainwashed or emotionally attached through parenting, society and ancestry. ​ It’s a deep connection to truth along with a love for what is. What really is, regardless of light or dark. It’s the full embrace and sublimation of shadow into light. It’s the deepest love and connection with source, the creator, existence and the cosmos, along with the full embodiment and presence in your body here on planet earth for all that it means to be human in this day and age. To embark on this journey is a lifelong process of ongoing unfolding and deepening. Each moment on the journey is the journey and not some focused promise on the horizon. ​ The more you allow the truth of life both light and dark to penetrate you, the more that which you are NOT, can dissolve, freeing up energy in your body and opening you up for deeper orgasmic pleasure but more importantly deeper states of acceptance and peace. ​ So now that we are a little clearer with this, please understand that the journey of healing a shut down base/root chakra (survival center,or center of embodiment) or a sacral chakra (sexual/tribal/creative center) takes awareness and understanding. This involves diving into/exploring directly that which frightens you in order to release and heal the illusions around it. ​ This might involve exploring themes such as: -What messages were you fed as a child around your sexuality. -The relationship between your mother ( the feminine) and your father (the masculine) and how this plays out in your reality. - How safe do you feel in the world? -How safe do you feel in your body as a man or a woman around your sexuality? - Have you experienced any trauma around your sexuality? -Do you feel a belonging to your tribe/ society? Any one of these questions take time and understanding to heal, and yet each of these themes can deeply impact your ability or inability to experience your sexuality… ​ What is Neo Tantra? ​ Neo-Tantra (as opposed to Classical Tantra) is a term used in the West to describe Tantra in the modern day.  While Classical Tantra’s aim is generally to utilize Life Force Energy to connect with higher levels of consciousness, Neo-Tantra is taught with a range of different ideals depending upon the teacher or school of thought. Neo-Tantric practices are designed to focus and utilize Life Force Energy to manifest intention, often related to spiritual growth.  The term Life Force Energy may be thought of as synonymous with the terms prana, qi, chi and orende, all of which come from other traditions. It is the energy that flows within and is responsible for giving life to the body and all of Creation. It is always there, whether or not we are aware of it. Many people interested in Neo-Tantra over-focus on the misguided reputation of Tantra as being “all about sex”. Sexual Energy is one powerful form of Life Force Energy. We all come from conception which is Life Force Energy manifested into the intention of creating human life.  Sexual Energy, like other forms of Creation Energy, is simply Life Force Energy manifested in a particular way. It is one (but not the only) form of Life Force Energy that Tantric practitioners draw upon to manifest intention and create transformation in their lives.  Life Force Energy can manifest in many non-sexual ways and Tantric exercises can be practiced by individuals outside of a sexual relationship. Of course, enhancing a person’s sex life can be one intention of Neo-Tantra and also can enhance a person’s growth in other ways.  Bringing awareness to sexuality allows us to engage with intention, rather than allowing our sexuality to control us.  In addition, sexual Neo-Tantric practices teach us to experience the subtle energies that exist within our sexual beingness so that we can enhance pleasure and direct those energies into transformation in our lives. These practices can increase orgasmic capacity and bring about deeper communication with a partner, resulting in higher levels of connection and an enhanced intimate relationship. Ultimately, whether you engage in Tantric/Neo-Tantric practices to enhance your sex life or to obtain spiritual or personal growth, you might find that you get both. My own training and exploration as a Tantrika and practitioner involves an immersion into a variety of traditional Tantric practices as a solo practitioner and in union with others in the Neo-Tantric traditions. These blends of experiences have become the foundation from which I offer my expertise. ​ What is Classical Tantra ​ The word “Tantra” is defined as “to weave, to expand, and to spread”.  According to some masters of the ancient practice of Tantra, it can be thought of as the “fabric” of life that has the potential to offer deep fulfillment only when all its threads are woven in alignment with the pattern outlined by the Universe. When we first come into this world, life automatically conforms to this pattern. As we evolve, our desires, fears, attachments and inaccurate perceptions of ourselves and others rip at the threads and consequently weaken our fabric.  Tantric practices work with the transformation of energy and to balance various polarities in order to strengthen our fabric and rework it so it can return to its original, authentic pattern. The powerful practices involved in yoga on a larger scale cultivate spiritual growth and wisdom. They merge beautifully in the Tantric tradition. Origins of Classical Tantra: The origins of Classical Tantra may go back as far as 20,000 years. Drawings and carvings that resemble symbols still used in Tantra today are found at that time. Tantra was actively taught in India and China more than 7,000 years ago. The exact history of Classical Tantra is not well documented, but here is one story about its origins.  Classical Tantra emerged in India during an important historical period.  At that time, the Aryans, a nomadic warrior culture, were fighting to conquer the indigenous people.  Although the Aryans thought of the indigenous people as inferior in other ways, the Aryan Rishis (sages), who posed questions about the origin and destiny of the Universe, were interested in the Spiritual practices of these people.  The two cultures influenced each other.  During this time of warfare, it is said that Shiva was born. While some tantric practices existed before his birth, it was Shiva that first gave humanity a systematic approach to spirituality. His teachings became known as the Tantra Shastras (Tantric Scriptures).  They included: Nigamas – Principals of Tantra Agamas – Practices of Tantra The Nigamas and Agamas became the foundation for Classical Tantra. After Shiva’s death, there were no more teachers of the same quality and Tantra fell into decline. Some of the teachings were then lost or altered because the writings became indecipherable or because the teachings were passed on only in secret.  This explains why the history of Classical Tantra can be difficult to trace and why some modern mysteries and misconceptions around Tantra persist today. Classical Tantra is still practiced in the East with great reverence and respect for the ancient traditions established thousands of years ago. "Tantra is not technique but prayer. Is not head oriented but a relaxation into the heart. It is a scientific approach! It is alchemy! It can transform your center's, it can transform the other's center's. It can create a rhythm and harmony between you and your beloved. That is the beauty of tantra. It is like bringing electricity into your house" Osho

[maidenof-thesea]

Snakes and Butterflies | Preface

Pairing: Jimin x reader

Genre: Soulmate Au!, Fluff, Angst, Smut (Maybe, still debating)

Words: 2.1k 

Warnings: MC briefly mentions self harm but she recovers. 

Note: So this is my first series, I sort of dabbled in writing when I was younger. so I’m no expert but feedback is appreciated. I always enjoyed reading fan-fictions and always wanted to try it myself. Hope you like it! 

"So your room will be on the 3rd floor, facing the parking lot behind this building" I say to the couple in front of me as I hand them the keys to their hotel room. When they both reach for the keys I see their soulmate marks both matching arrows. I look up and feel my fake customer smile come on my face as I met their gaze. "Elevator is on the first hallway to your right as soon as you leave out the door. Dial zero if you have any questions." As soon as the couple is out of hearing range, I let out a sigh that Fernando, the security guard, hears.

"It's almost time till you get off," He says. "I have 7 more hours to go.."

"Oh you’re right" I say, as I look at the time on my phone. "Time to go home to the love of my life: my Yuki."

"Y/n, you need to go out and have fun like other girls your age," He says laughing and rubbing his beer pot belly. "You never know, you might just meet the love of your life...which would be nice in times like these.."

"Times like what?" I say counting out my last cash drop of my shift. "Did you see something on Facebook again? I told you so many times--"

"I saw this on the local news!" He says with red blotching his cheeks. "Young girls! Young girls around your age getting abducted! They turn up later on having no memory only that their Soulmate marks are gone!"

"Let me guess," I say printing out my paperwork and logging out of the system so that I could wait for my relief to come running through the door late again. "All these girls had a bunch to drink while having this so called 'fun' you say and this happened to them."

He stammers for words and in comes running my coworker who happens to work the graveyard shift. I saluted her and  I gestured for her to hurry up and clock in since guests are pulling in the parking lot. She smiles and hurries to start the beginning of her shift, while Fernando walks me to my car.

"Okay," He starts when we reach my car. "Perhaps not now but later when this whole ordeal dies down." I hum in response ready to get in my car as I unlock it, but he stops my door from opening. 

"I just worry about you, that's all y/n. Most girls either rebel or try very hard to find the one that matches their Mark but you.. you hide behind those sweaters and let no one near you, I've never even seen your Mark-"

“Fernando," I say grasping his shoulder. "There's no need to worry, I'm just letting fate decide for me. We've been blessed with this, surely fate means for me to come across them at some point in my life." I feel my other hand clench at the word 'blessed'. Surely to me it was a curse. I force myself to smile and I see that it works, he's convinced. "I just want time for myself. I want to grow into a person that feels like she's lived her life and is willing to open up and welcome someone." That wasn't a lie, that was genuine and I felt my voice wavering with emotion. Emotion I didn't know I still had. Fernando pats my hand and opens my door. I roll down the window after starting the ignition. I smile as I hear his radio go off, my coworker stating she needs him upfront. 

"Alright then miss," he says smiling. "I will let you go now and get some sleep!" I wave at him, as I reverse out and start the short drive home. My smile fading off my face as I clenched the steering wheel, willing myself to force unwanted emotions and memories away and drove the short distance to my home.  

The reason I decided to move out here to one of the beach cities was to escape. I found solitude in the sounds of the waves. My friend Jennie had recommended me to stay in this house alongside her family’s private beach, once I had told her my plans of moving out. She told me the rent would be really cheap which was impossible to believe but she told me that her family was planning on making it an airbnb during the summer and that they needed someone to manage it. She offered a wage but of course I declined, I just told her to hire someone to clean and I’ll manage the rest. 

It had been a year since then and now summer was just peaking over the horizon again and I knew I was gonna have to take time off to get everything situated. As I got through my door, my beloved Yuki, my tonkinese cat greets me with her purring and rubbing around my ankles.

“Hello my precious, how was your night?”

She purrs and licks my petting hand. I go to take off my coat and shower before bed. As I strip my work clothes, my arms catch my glance and from the conversation from earlier, I am reminded just how much of a freak I am. Where there should have been a Mark, lied just my skin. Scarred skin, to be exact, scars that matched my finger nails.

Rather than face the questions and pity in people’s faces, I rather hide. Hide just how pitiful my life has been. As the warmth of the water envelops me, I don’t feel the need to hide, at least not here in my own home, well that is till the summer. I force the pity I have for myself away and hum a tune. After that I fed Yuki a late night snack and turned on the TV to watch some Netflix. Just then my phone dinged and I saw a message from my mother. 

Mom[10:47 pm]: Have you seen this? Link: ww.foxnews.com/missingMarks

I clicked on the link and apparently the news I thought was just local made national news. 

“Today in a small town in southern California, tragedy has struck for several young adolescents who were out enjoying their youth when their very futures may very well change forever.” I rolled my eyes at that. They’ll live. “These women were abducted and their Soulmate marks stripped from their arms. All of them have no recollection of their whereabouts in the last 14 hours. Here’s Nancy with one of the victims.”

The clip changes to a girl with her eyes blurred out but it was evident that she was crying as she kept wiping her face. 

“I swear I just needed some air, I stepped out for a bit and I woke up at some park and this excruciating pain in my arm… my Mark was gone, almost as if it was burned off! How am I ever-gonna find them?!” 

Once again I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes, although a part of me was reminded of my teenage years but now older me, thrives in independence. My phone dings again, indicating another message from my mother.

Mom[10:52 pm]: They think there’s some Neanderthals out there taking Marks away… is that even possible? I thought they were extinct…

Me[10:52 pm]: I thought that was just a bedtime story??

Mom[10:55 pm]: Seriously? It’s in the history books! Why would you think that?

Me[10: 57 pm]: You know why… I don’t really care for things involving those stupid Marks. Besides I learned that along with basic math, how am I supposed to remember that?

Mom[10:57 pm]: I know sorry. But you should at least know our history!

Me[10:58 pm]: Ok I’ll watch a documentary on it on Netflix right now

Mom[10:59 pm]: You just got off work! Go to sleep!

Me[10:59 pm]: yea yea goodnight <3

“Maybe we should just sleep Yuki?” I say as she jumps on my lap and continues to purr and make herself comfortable before I could even get up. “Oh well guess I’m not moving.”

I grab the remote and start Netflix and about to click on Stranger, a Korean drama that I binged in the night prior but a new planet earth documentary catches my eye. This time instead of endangered species it’s about Neanderthals, an extinct race of human beings.

“Would you look at that?” I say tilting my head in curiosity. “Guess I am gonna learn our history.”

As the documentary starts to play, I get a text from my boss that she needs me off for tomorrow so I could work a full shift the day after and I internally groan but realize I can sleep in tomorrow. The theme song of Planet Earth starts playing and I am reminded of my childhood when I see the photograph of the Neanderthals, they look more ape like than human. I begin to wonder if they really actually looked like that or if they were exaggerated or not. Would they still look like that or would evolution help them adapt among humans now? Assuming that they were still alive…

“Humans and Neanderthals have always had their differences and constantly were at war with each other. Evolution had blessed humans with the abilities to procreate faster by aiding humans to find suitable partners. Each generation of humans was more beautiful than the previous. The Neanderthals, unfortunately were unable to evolve like us human beings and they would rape and pillage humans in order to procreate. Thanks to our advancement in evolution, humans were able to develop better weapons and eradicate the Neanderthals…”

“Okay,” I said rolling my eyes, raising the remote control. “Enough of that genocide bullshit.”

“But what if that’s all a lie?” a man obscured in the video said. On the bottom where typically the name of professors or researchers would be credited, the name ‘John Doe’ was instead. This caused me to raise my eyebrows. This man did not want to be known. Of course what he just said is considered blasphemous. “What if I were to tell you that humans are not the apex predators-that we never were the apex predator? That our ancestors may have won the war but fabricated history for their benefit?”

“That’s quite possible,” I mumbled. “But how could you possibly obtain the evidence to prove that?” 

“Of course there is no evidence left to prove that but I have dedicated my entire research into finding the remaining Neanderthals. Our ancestors could never locate the actual origin of the Neanderthals-”

“Seriously? I thought that place was just a myth!” I exclaimed, rousing Yuki from her sleep. With the flick of her tail she hopped off the couch and headed to my bedroom to sleep on my bed. “Sorry baby.” 

The documentary went on and on about the possibility that Neanderthals may live among us. That everything we know is a lie, that Neanderthals were the ones who evolved, they were the ones that had Soulmate marks… but there was no evidence to support it.

I turned off the TV when the credits started to roll. “Well another documentary to piss off the republicans.” My eyes started to feel heavy and instead of going to my bed I just pulled the throw blanket over myself and fell asleep. 

“Y/n look! Fireflies!” a boy with crescent moon eyes and Cheshire smile came running up to me with cupped hands. On his arm, was a Soulmate mark that wrapped around his entire arm, like a snake. It was the most beautiful I had ever seen. Most marks were abstract symbols but this was the first animal one I had ever seen.

“Can I see, Jimin?” another boy said excitedly running with buck teeth, almost like a bunny’s. 

“No I want to show Y/n first!” and the boy called Jimin reached me and opened his hands.

The fireflies floated up the sky and both me and the other boy stared in awe. The other boy proceeded to try and catch the fireflies once more and when I looked back at Jimin, he was already staring at me with a gleam in his eyes. He reached for my hand and when our skin made contact, a shiver went through the both of us. When I looked at our joined hands, I noticed that instead of a snake tail on his wrist, the snake’s body seemed to morph into particles and the particles continued onto my arm and morphed into butterflies..like a puzzle piece.

“Y/N-”

Next

Masterlist 

[existential-idealist]

Word.

In the beginning was the word, and the word was none. It is and isn’t; it fulfills and evaporates. The word was not said but only felt, only seen. It is nothing, yet carries everything. Taking on the weight of all ideas ever made, all concepts ever formed, all questions and answers that ever existed. It is, in the most veracious sense, the word.

In the millennia that passed the word has not changed. It carries on from the beginning of time to its inevitable end. The word will only cease to exist if everything does. Right now, it is with us. As beings of indubitable intelligence, the word is granted to us, as the light of the torch is passed from one creation to another. Its light everlasting, shining even in the darkest depths of the universe.

However, whether unwittingly or knowingly, we changed the word. It grew, it flourished, it became. We unearthed it as though it wasn’t meant for us, but with the determination of human beings, contributing also our inner stubbornness, we forced it out for all of us to see, to feel, and finally, to speak.

What are words but carriers of messages, like the messengers of Ancient Greek, or the umalohokan of the Philippines’ past. They are information. All that we think, do, and say are rooted in the formation of these fundamental units of language. What are we if not for their power, as they hold that with which drives the development of civilizations and wreak havoc on entire races. That is what’s truly terrifying in this world. All of us has the power within us, but only those with a mind brave and strong enough to conjure it into existence can control the world in their hands, leaving the rest to hope and pray that they use it for good.

Words are power, yes, that much is true. As we change what they are, so too does they change us. It is amazing how much we use them in a day and never stop to think how they affect others.

"Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble." -Yehuda Berg

Oh, how haughty has humanity been, to hold such force harboring harshness and hardships for all to handle. How hollow are our hearts, to hatch hate and hastily hinder the success of others, housing a hellish landscape, and hampering hardworking homo sapiens.

Quotes like this bring about change to people’s perceptions in life. They mold worldviews and beliefs, as well as provide a different perspective on thoughts and feelings one might possess. They can bring peace, or hold within them incredible clout. Simple strings of words have been shown to sway even those with unwavering valor, those who possess astounding intelligence, and those with indomitable morals and values. The way that our language is shaped affects the way that we interact with our surroundings, including our fellow human beings.

"Don't ever diminish the power of words. Words move hearts and hearts move limbs." -Hamza Yusuf

In the literature that we, as a collective whole, has made, we reveal the most impressive of all art and thinking. With studies published to textbooks written, we have usurped the knowledge and understanding we so desire. Through words, we have made sense of the world. Through its lenses, we see the reality, our universe, influencing how we perceive it and changing our predisposition on everything.

Language is a basic instrument to articulate and connect, and writing and reading are a vital factor of daily life. Studying how people use language - the unconsciously chosen words and phrases they blend - will make us understand our own language and why we have been doing the same thing. It is important to learn the words made by others not of our own culture and to understand how they evolve over time, as they can allow academics to understand the basis of the special way people interact with each other.

We should talk with mindfulness as we chat, in a way that solidifies unity and kindness in our personalities. Not only do our words count, but the sound we use has an enormous effect as well. There are some principles that all our interactions with others should be driven by. Some of the most important things we will ever comprehend are deciding the meaning of events in our lives, and our duty to choose and find an encouraging meaning. When something happens to us, our ruling on the favorable or unfavorable meaning behind it can be controlled consciously. We are not really aware of our first responses to something, but then we should step in and reframe the context. Select the words that you utter particularly wisely, for they have the power to do almost anything or to ruin almost everything.

The distortion of the meaning applied to different words has created chaos. When used in a negative context, these words can be derogatory, often the emotions could be felt as well as a genuine punch to the face. Humans are the only beings that culminates the power of speech and the written word on this planet, yet we spend more time discovering its destructive potential, in spite of the imaginative potential this force offers us. What we manifest in our lives often influences our mindset. It is our words that are the bold confirmation of our subconsciousness. They affirm our way of seeing people, our lives and us in the world. It is this deep assurance with our words that makes our thoughts manifest into reality.

And so, what is the word? What is that thing that connects anything and everything, that with which made into existence all that we can simply view. At the start of the entirety, foreseeing through all eternity, it stays and it prospers. What is it that from the inner core of our being, inside the deepest center of creation, has been inseparably implanted within us? Who knows, I certainly don’t.

[mobius-prime]

186. Sonic the Hedgehog #118

Oh boy, we've got a big one on our hands, guys! First of all, it's worth noting that for the next seven issues the comic kind of had this "magazine cover" gimmick going on, where every story was described on the cover in a humorous, pseudo-tabloid manner. And second, every story in this issue is highly significant, two of which have a huge impact on future storylines, and one of which resolves a problem I've been salty about for a while. So without further ado, let's jump right in!

Robotnik's Return

Writer: Benny Lee Pencils: Steven Butler Colors: Jason Jensen

“Benny”, I've noticed, as a writer has an unfortunate tendency to solve any conflicts in the plot extremely suddenly, often in a very deus-ex-machina manner that contrasts with the "long game" approach that Penders usually takes toward his stories. For those who don’t know - I was unaware as well at first - “Benny Lee” is a pseudonym that Karl Bollers took on for some of his stories after receiving criticism for his writing. (However, I’m listing him as a separate writer just for the sake of consistency, as clearly he didn’t want certain stories associated with his real name.) For whatever reason, his stories as “Benny” seem to be choppy and full of fix-it gimmicks that, instead of gently guiding the story along a natural path, blindfold it and shove it violently into the next plot point without mercy. This story is no different. Eggman and Snively have managed to finally restore themselves to new mechanical bodies without any pesky Mobian interference, and what's worse, these bodies are free of the virus that caused Eggman's data on the location of Knothole to be corrupted. He's delighted at the opportunity to find its location at last and launch an attack, but, you guessed it, right at that moment the Freedom Fighters burst in, having tracked their location.

Suddenly, the forms of Eggman, Snively, Sonic, and Tails all begin to dissolve, with Nicole confirming to a shocked Sally that they've been unexpectedly teleported somewhere else. But where might that be?

Yes, that's right, they've been randomly abducted by aliens! Now, I have to point something out about this page. You can see that at first, the aliens are speaking in some kind of alien language before they presumably switch on a translator or something. Except, that's not actually just "some alien language"! Look closely at it. Notice anything unusual? Anyone who's ever been to Disneyland in California should recognize exactly what they're looking at - the symbols used in the aliens' speech are in fact the same symbols used in the carvings on the walls of the Disneyland Indiana Jones attraction! I recognized it immediately - I grew up going to Disneyland my entire life, and it's still my favorite theme park in the world. So, I took the liberty of translating exactly what these aliens were saying using one of the old decoder cards that they used to hand out in line! For anyone hoping for some intelligible speech, you're going to be disappointed - it looks like they might have just keysmashed on a keyboard and then "translated" the results. The first dialogue bubble says, approximately, "Denite idlothxo vhry muph i," and the second one "Viuyhkvqj efsqr." I say "approximately" because the letterer appears to have taken a few liberties with the symbols, which don’t all exactly match the ones on the decoder card. It's honestly a very strange but funny homage to the ride - clearly, whoever was responsible for the symbols being included is a fan of Disneyland, and as a fellow fan, it gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside to see these symbols in the place I would have least expected them.

Anyway, the aliens explain that they've beamed the four of them up here for a little experiment. They use their technology to transform Sonic and Tails into mecha bodies, while transforming Eggman and Snively back into their flesh and blood forms, and inform the four that they will be made to battle each other, and the winners will be reverted to their original forms while the losers will be made to keep their new forms permanently. This seems like a rather pointless experiment, if you ask me - I mean, what is even being gained from this apart from some perverse entertainment? - but the four test subjects are beamed into a holographic recreation of Robotropolis and begin to battle it out. Eggman and Snively immediately plop themselves into a robotic mech, but Mecha Sonic and Mecha Tails easily blow it apart. Eggman runs for his life and Mecha Sonic gives chase, while Mecha Tails guards the terrified Snively to ensure he doesn't run for it. Mecha Sonic easily spots his quarry with infrared vision and shoots a net to capture him, winning the "game."

The aliens keep their word and return everyone to the planet, with Sonic and Tails back in their normal bodies, and Eggman and Snively now reverted back to an organic form. Sonic and Tails return to Knothole where they explain everything that happened to the others, and while they're a little skeptical they ultimately accept the story, though they're nervous that since Eggman is now flesh and blood once more, it will be harder to track him. You see what I mean about this being a deus-ex-machina resolution to the Robo-Robotnik problem? It's good for the story to have him be an organic being once more, so that he has to work harder to protect himself from harm instead of weathering explosions and the destruction of his various bodies like they're mere inconveniences, but just… random aliens being the cause? I dunno, man. It is quite interesting, however, to see Eggman's reaction to being transformed back into an organic being, as certainly while in his own zone he existed for the first forty-odd years of his life as an ordinary Overlander, he's remained a robotic being for decades by now. That will be hard for him to adjust…

Heart to Heart

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: Ron Lim Colors: Jason Jensen

Ever since Eggman's capture of the Secret Service and their subsequent infection with his nanites, the remaining members have been in treatment, with Dr. Quack unable to find a proper cure. However, with Rotor's help, a fix involving aggressive nanomachines sent in to attack the nanites has been developed, and everyone is finally cured. Sally welcomes Geoffrey's return to active duty as the leader of the Secret Service, but he seems dejected and uninterested as she walks away. Hershey asks him what's wrong, and he explains his actions up till now - that as a boy, he always greatly admired his father's sense of duty and sought to emulate it, which evolved into his no-nonsense, humorless personality of today. However, he was always jealous of Sonic and wanted to prove that he was better than him, which was why he convinced Elias to accept his "help" in ruling the kingdom in the king's stead.

Now this is the Geoffrey I like. Up till now, he's been alternately somewhat charming and likeable, and a complete jerkwad. This is the turning point where he goes from a self-centered jackass, to a genuinely focused individual who actually respects those around him, including his rivals. It seems that some time in isolated treatment has given him lots of time to reflect on himself, and in the end Hershey brings out the best in him. With his resolve renewed, he approaches the king and asks for permission to take some leave from his position and go in search of the missing Elias, which the king approves, so together he and Hershey leave to find him. This is honestly the best ending to Geoffrey's asshattery that we could get, because not only does it make him a much more likeable character, but it actually pairs him up with someone who is, well, his age, instead of him creepily pursuing a fifteen-year-old as his beau instead. Hooray for character development!

Ultimate Power (Part Four)

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Dawn Best Colors: Jason Jensen

We've reached the ultimate confrontation - the culmination of everything the Green Knuckles Saga has been building up to this entire time. Knuckles faces off against Mammoth Mogul, his finger on the button ready to disconnect Dimitri from life support. Mogul reveals that he was able to obtain his own version of the Chaos Syphon due to having actually met Dimitri once before, when he was still an ordinary scientist developing the device. Despite the danger, Knuckles refuses to listen to Mogul, determined to save Dimitri while preventing Mogul from taking his powers, and begins to pulse with light which reflects across the whole city, drawing Remington, Julie-Su and the Chaotix, and Lien-Da to his location like a beacon. Mogul, furious that Knuckles is refusing to submit, hits the button to disconnect Dimitri's life support, and Knuckles immediately leaps into action to prevent him from dying.

…okay, Penders, a word of advice, writer to writer. If you ever make your character say "Not if I go into overload mode," you have just ensured that no one will take him seriously and will immediately begin to meme the hell out of it. Also, when the hell did Mogul find the time and energy to build an entire Chaos Syphon room in the middle of Echidnaopolis? Knuckles, in his efforts to save Dimitri's life while resisting the Chaos Syphon, begins to expend energy at a rate he's never reached before, bathing the entire city in his green light. This rapid release of energy causes Mogul's facility to explode violently, leaving a crater in the city where the building once stood. Everyone rushes to the site of the blast, worried about what they might find.

Oh, did you think this very important main character was going to survive this altercation? Well think again, 'cause Knuckles is deader than dead! While all of this is going on, a rededication ceremony is happening across the city, to honor the return of the island's inhabitants to their homes after the firing of the Quantum Beam. The speaker is confused about Knuckles' absence for such an important gathering, but Lara-Le nervously tries to insist that he probably has a good reason. I'm sure she didn't expect the reason to be that he's really, super duper dead!

Yeah, I wasn't joking, guys. For those of you who hadn't read the comic up till now and were unaware, yes, Knuckles has actually died in this issue. There's no mistake, no trickery. He's gone. And that's the note that this issue decides to end on! I guess we have to say goodbye to Knuckles as one of the comic's main characters, because there's no way a comic book would ever temporarily kill someone off only to bring them back a few issues later…

[welllpthisishappening]

The Period of the Long Change (6/15)

It’s quick. One second she’s standing there and everything is fine and then Emma looks up and it’s not. It’s awful. And the lights are too bright and there are too many rooms and too many opinions and her phone won’t stop ringing because everything seems to be changing all at once. She’s never been great at coping with change. But, maybe, if she can just figure it out and stay right where she is, with Killian Jones, captain of the New York Rangers, at her side, it’ll be alright.

It’s slow. One second he’s standing there and everything is fine and then Killian’s breath catches and it’s not. It’s terrifying. And the noises are too loud and there are too many questions and he can’t find the right answers to any of them, not sure how to cope with everything changing all at once. That’s never really been his forte. But, maybe, if he can just figure it out and stay right where he is, with Emma Swan, director of New York Rangers community relations, at his side, it’ll be alright.

It’s another season and another challenge and Emma and Killian are both struggling to get over the boards.

Rating: Mature Word Count: A lot happens this chapter. There are a lot of words.  AN: Today’s update also comes with some promises that what you’re about to read absolutely, one-hundred percent happens in real life. But! If you’re like Laura, that is absurd, these are grown men, not idiots, I would say, au contraire and then present you with these links. One, from the Rangers last year. And the second from the Blues this year, a team that not only got a puppy after this incident, but is now in the playoffs. So, yeah, this happens. I promise. If you’re still reading and clicking, I can’t thank you enough. It’s real nice. 

Also on Ao3 and FF.net and Tumblr if that’s your jam.

“Go back to sleep.” “I can’t.” “Swan.” She flipped, hair flying everywhere and almost getting in his mouth, and Killian winced when her knee collided with his shin. “Ah, shit,” Emma mumbled, untwisting the blanket that had, somehow, moved in between them. “I wasn’t trying to do that.” “You mean to tell me you weren’t actively attempting to incapacitate me?” Killian asked, and he knew the joke didn’t land before he’d even finished making it.

Emma laughed, but it was more an exhale and a sigh, and she licked her lips quickly, like she was being timed and that was kind of true because it was Saturday, but she still had meetings with Zelena and Aurora and something with Sam and Joe about MC’ing an event they’d done for the last thirty years.

And Phillip’s memorial or whatever.

That wasn’t the right word at all, but it was some kind of celebration because, it seemed, setting a of rookie scoring record was a pretty good starting point for a career and Phillip had reached three-hundred points before anyone expected him too and, apparently, that meant there had to be some sort of ceremony.

That was the word for it.

It also meant Emma had to plan it and he knew there were, at least, fifty-six post-it notes detailing the breakdown of the whole goddamn thing on every inch of her desk.

She’d run out of floor space two days before. And Merida had to get her a new chair the day before that because Emma kept piling paperwork in her own seat.

Killian wanted to go back to sleep.

“We’ve got time,” he muttered, ignoring whatever the air was doing around them. Filling with tension and bad jokes and he was so goddamn tired of being worried and, generically, tired.

It was a miracle their bedroom door hadn’t been knocked over yet.

Or at least slightly checked against.

Matt liked to try and check the door.

“I have no time,” Emma argued. “I have, like, negative amounts of time. I should be in the shower already.” Killian grinned, tongue against the inside of his cheek and eyes a bit wider than usual, and Emma’s laugh sounded genuine that time. He swore he could feel it, fixing the air and probably all of the greenhouse issues on the entire planet and she closed her eyes when he pulled her against his chest.

“That could be very easily fixed, you know,” he muttered, mostly into her hair. Her whole body shook against him, which wasn’t really helping their cause or his desire to go back to sleep because it was Saturday and there wasn’t a game, and they should be able to linger in each other’s space for awhile.

“I don’t think that’s true at all.”

“How do you figure?” “Are you kidding me?” Emma asked, propping her head on one hand and her hair fell over her arm. “I’m counting the actual seconds until someone throws something at that door.” “I really doubt Peggy’s got that kind of upper-body strength yet. Maybe if we add some weights to her workout.” “Really confident in your own sense of humor, huh?”

Killian hummed, smirk back on his face and something that might have actually been butterflies in his stomach, which didn’t make any sense at all because he was flirting with his own wife and talking about their thirteen-month-old attacking the half-closed door on the other side of the room, but it was nice in a way that home was nice and comforting and safe and maybe he could hide Emma’s phone.

That seemed kind of immature.

“Occasionally,” Killian said, dropping his hand to trace over the curve of Emma’s hip. Her eyes fluttered again, teeth finding her lower lip and the butterflies disappeared almost immediately.

“Sometimes,” Emma amended, and her voice was just a bit breathless. He was going to count that as several different victories. “You know she almost kept her balance without holding onto anything for, like, a solid two seconds yesterday afternoon.” “What?” Emma nodded, smile wide despite her obvious efforts to stay cool and Killian was only slightly worried that his heart was going to do permanent damage to his chest cavity. Ariel would be pissed about that.

He’d walked too quickly on the treadmill yesterday, so she was out for blood.

“Yeah,” Emma continued. “You were making jokes about upper-body strength, but that kid is ridiculously strong. Like He-Woman or something.” “Is that a compliment?” “It is when I’m saying it.” “Ah, of course,” Killian chuckled, kissing between Emma’s eyebrows before he could stop himself. Maybe they didn’t have to go back to sleep. Maybe they could just evolve into some kind of picture-perfect family of his fluff-type dreams and he wouldn’t miss Peggy’s displays of upper-body strength because he was trying to keep his heart rate at a medically approved level.

It wasn’t at the moment.

He was sure.

“So, we were in my office and Zelena was waxing poetic about food choices, which is absurd because we’ve done this before and the food is always the same and Gotham has, like, one catering option and--”

“--Focus, Swan.”

She stuck her tongue out. He kissed her jaw. He kind of wanted to kiss everywhere else.

“You are impatient,” Emma accused, and Killian couldn't really argue with that. “Anyway, we were in my office and I was ignoring Zelena and Pegs totally pulled herself up, waddled around for approximately two and a half seconds and then promptly fell over. But it was a very impressive two and a half seconds.” “Two and a half, huh?” “Eh, maybe closer to three. We'll round up for the kid, you know?”

“Naturally,” Killian muttered, but he wasn’t entirely sure what was happening to his entire body and it felt like a mix of happiness and disappointment and a little frustration and he wished he could just pick one emotion and stick with it.

He wished he hadn’t missed that.

He wished he didn’t have more PT that afternoon.

“Hey,” Emma said, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt she could tug on. She settled for brushing her fingers over his forehead instead and, that time, it was Killian’s turn for his eyes to flutter shut, a ragged breath falling out of him and he wished he had the answers for several dozen questions he couldn’t bring himself to ask. “You ok?” “You keep asking me that, love,” he muttered. He hadn’t opened his eyes.

“It’s because I’m consistently curious. And worried. Probably more than curious.” “I know, Swan. I don’t want you to worry though. You’ve got enough to think about already. Zelena shouldn't be talking about the food. It’s the same every year.” “That’s true,” Emma agreed. “But, strange as it may seem, I’m almost ok with worrying about you. It’s part of the deal.” Killian opened his eyes, arching an eyebrow and he wasn’t entirely prepared for the slightly nervous look on Emma’s face. “The deal, huh?” “Yeah, you know, indefinitely or whatever. For concussions or worse.” “I don’t think that’s exactly what we said.” She couldn’t shrug when she was on her side, but she certainly made an effort and Killian briefly wondered if maybe that was where their daughter got her distinct lack of balance from. Emma wobbled a bit, eyes widening a fraction of an inch and it was all green and emotional and for concussions or worse didn’t really sound that bad.

“Semantics,” Emma mumbled. “Worrying about you isn’t...it’s not a job. It’s instinct or something that sounds way less lame than that.” “That doesn’t sound lame,” Killian said, and he probably shouldn't have responded that quickly or that enthusiastically, but he’d kind of lost control of everything and the world consistently felt as if it were spinning out of orbit, even when he was walking as slowly as possible. So, really, shouting emotions in Emma’s face was kind of a return to the usual.

She laughed softly, a sound he would have been more than willing to hear for the rest of forever if that weren’t even more lame than what Emma had just said.

“When’s the last time you had a headache?”

Killian clicked his tongue, trying to think back through the last week and they’d played in Vegas the night before, a loss that was dangerously close to a blowout and Jeff had broken his stick after the final whistle and Arthur had, undoubtedly, broken several whiteboards, but Husinger had gotten another point and it was a good assist.

They were going to be back on Garden ice that afternoon.

Will had texted him when they landed.

Robin complained about Husinger talking loudly on the flight.

“Not in awhile,” Killian said when Emma made an impatient sound at his silence.

“That’s not a date.” “I’m not writing it down, Swan.” “Shouldn’t you be?” “Those weren’t part of the instructions. I was told to stay off the ice and not walk too quickly and take medicine. I’m doing that. I was not told to document symptoms.” She didn’t say anything immediately, eyes tracing over his face as soon as his jaw snapped closed and the whole thing had been kind of ridiculous. This wasn’t the doctor’s fault. Well, not completely. It wasn’t even that kid’s fault – even if he’d led with his shoulder and he probably should have gotten fined. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.

It had happened.

And he hadn’t done anything about it because he was…

It was fine.

That Husinger guy couldn't get a point in every game. That was impossible. And he talked too loudly on the team plane. Arthur wouldn't let that happen on another road trip.

He wouldn’t be first line very long.

And Killian couldn’t get playoffs, at the earliest, maybe out of the back corners of his brain.

It was fine.

“You know I bet we could get Pegs to weeble around the apartment for a little while,” Emma said. Killian grinned. And kissed her. Again.

“Weeble?” “Yeah, you know, weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down. She kind of looks like a weeble in a ridiculous amount of Jones-branded merchandise.” “Jones-branded?” “Please,” Emma scoffed, sliding across the bed and slinging one arm over his middle. It was difficult to keep up with what she said next when her fingers started tracing over his spine, drawing patterns that weren’t much more than straight lines, but felt a bit like vaguely emotional brands and it was way too early for those kind of pointed thoughts.

“Neither one of them realize there’s another person on this team,” she added. She’d moved again at some point, legs tangled with Killian’s and head tucked against the curve of his neck. He could feel her breathing, not entirely sure if the brush of her lips against his skin was wishful thinking or actually happening, and it didn’t really matter because Matt had thrust a piece of paper into Killian’s stomach when he picked him up at school the day before.

Of the New York Rangers winning a Stanley Cup.

And Killian in the middle.

Next to Matt.

They were stick figures and not quite an exact likeness, but there was some dark hair and a few shakily-drawn twenties drawn in open space and he’d folded it up and put it in his wallet.

He didn’t think he’d ever take it out.

Maybe he was just thinking pointed thoughts at all times now.

“He told me about the picture,” Emma whispered. Her lips were definitely touching his skin. “He was super proud of it. Wanted to make sure I knew it was him and you and Uncle Will. Robin will probably be very disappointed he wasn’t included.” Killian laughed, but it turned into a bit of a grunt as he snuck his arm around Emma and she mumbled a quiet apology when she landed on his chest. “I’m totally going to brag about it to Locksley.” “I mean, he’s your kid, and your his hero, so I think you’re getting a bit of an unfair advantage.”

Killian didn’t say anything, wasn’t entirely sure he could over the rather large lump of emotion that had landed in the middle of his throat, and Emma’s fingers had moved to his stomach, dancing over skin and muscle and an appendectomy scar that she always liked to linger on when they had a few moments to breathe.

He wasn’t sure he’d really, truly breathed in the last two weeks.

“I love you,” he whispered, finding his voice and Emma’s fingers froze. “Just...more than anything. You know that, right?”

Emma tilted her head up, lips brushing across his collarbones and the scruff he’d been far too lazy to shave. His hand shifted again, flat against her back like he was trying to keep her there or next to him and it was decidedly possessive and a little absurd because he knew neither one of those things were in danger of changing. There were several different and meaningful things to prove that, least of all the name he could feel on her back and the Stanley Cup ring currently pressing into his sternum, but the world was still out of orbit and not skating felt a bit like not breathing and, well, he was kind of a selfish asshole.

He wanted to win.

Again.

Indefinitely.

God, he hated that word.

“I know,” Emma said, voice a little shaky and eyes a little glossy and he wished he could stop making her cry. They were both going to be late. And something was probably wrong because no one had attacked their door yet.

Killian nodded, clenching his jaw and the question had been lingering on the tip of his tongue since Wednesday, but Emma hadn’t wanted to talk and didn’t have time and he hadn’t really forgotten, but then their kid started drawing Stanley Cup stick figures and he’d missed their other kid weebling and it kind of felt like something short circuited.

Her breath caught when he moved, flipping on her onto her back and moving into the cradle of her hips and her fanned across several different pillows at once.

“And here you were advocating the benefits of going back to sleep,” Emma muttered, and he didn’t have to look at her to hear her smile. It was another absurd thought, but that seemed to be par for whatever course Killian’s life had become, and he nipped against her neck when her fingers found his hair.

She rocked up at the same time he moved down and it was all friction and heat and something that might have been desperation, but that sounded decidedly negative and that wasn’t what this was. At least not entirely.

This was how much everything had been out of control and out of their control, a slim difference that seemed to make all the difference and Killian was more than willing to suffer through an entire PT of Ariel cursing him to a variety of different hells if it meant Emma made that noise as her right leg wrapped around his calf.

The bruise on her thigh had long since disappeared, but his hand drifted toward the spot anyway, some type of feelings-based magnet and how much he wanted her to be ok, and Emma inhaled sharply when his fingers grazed over the jut of her hip.

“It’s fine,” Emma muttered, the words sounding bigger than that and they weren’t talking about some ridiculous mechanical bull anymore.

She probably knew he kept the picture in his wallet.

She definitely knew he kept the picture in his wallet.

“That’s true,” Killian agreed, chuckling when Emma tried to swat at his shoulder. He caught her hand mid-air, brushing his lips over her knuckles and lingering under her ring She pulled her lips behind her teeth, tension almost visibly disappearing and back arching slightly and he was only ever going to be able to think about whatever the hell her leg was doing for, like, the rest of his waking days and possibly several lifetimes after that.

So, really, it didn’t matter where Ariel cursed him because he’d have this to remember and think about and he probably shouldn’t have been thinking about PT while trying to actively undress Emma.

“That wasn’t even clever,” she accused, nails scraping lightly on the back of his neck. Killian hissed, gaze meeting hers and she looked almost triumphant, smile wide and eyes unfairly bright. “And I really don’t think this is part of the post-concussion--”

“--Fine, Swan,” he interrupted.

She stared at him, like she was waiting for a different brand of honest or the actual reason he’d never told her about the headaches and the terror that seemed to rise up his spine and linger in the forefront of his brain every single night, like some kind of twisted hockey-future clockwork, but she either didn’t find it or wasn’t willing to wait any longer and Killian exhaled when she tugged him down and kissed him.

Hard.

And, really, that should have been it. It should have been kissing and getting rid of t-shirts with his name and number on it, but they were both kind of worried about the inevitable four-year-old attack and looming schedules and budgets that were probably changed, again, and the question seemed to fall out of Killian before he’d really decided he was going to ask it.

He’d been thinking it.

And Emma had been avoiding it.

“What exactly was the job?” he asked, leaning back to meet her slightly stunned and clearly frustrated gaze.

“What? Why aren’t you kissing me still?” “You’ve got to shower.” “And you made some terrible joke about showering with me before trying to take your shirt off. I thought we’d moved passed the shower thing.” “My shirt?” Killian asked, and Emma squeezed her eyes closed.

“It is kind of weird that you own t-shirt jerseys, but I was changing last night and you and Matt were watching film and it was the first thing I grabbed. You really couldn’t tell? It’s way bigger than usual.”

“I wasn’t really concerned with the size, honestly,” Killian admitted. “My mind tends to go blank when I realize the name on the back.” Emma opened her eyes, gaze a bit softer and eyes just as green. “Seems kind of clingy, Cap.” “Yeah, a little.” “A very quick agreement.” “No point in arguing that when I was making veiled allusions to showering together, right?” “Were they veiled?” Killian shook his head, nosing at the bit of skin just behind Emma’s ear. “You’re avoiding the question, love.”

“That’s because you’re a really bad interviewer. Maybe you should get Rubes to give you some pointers or something.” “I don’t think Red would appreciate her interrupting PT like.”

“Yeah, that’s probably true,” Emma mumbled. “And I’m not avoiding. Technically. I’m trying to deflect and distract with your own name.” “Yours too.”

He kind of shouted those words too, but it kind of felt necessary and another instinct because he wanted everything with Emma, including hockey and whatever promotion she could get with the league and maybe if he just followed Peggy around with his phone all day, she’d wobble or wobble on camera and he’d be able to see it.

“Ah, that was stupid romantic,” Emma said. Her fingers carded through his hair again, moving across his shoulders and another scar, courtesy of a particularly hard check when he was fifteen and some kid from at the Team USA camp didn’t appreciate how good Killian was at scoring.

“Charming,” he corrected softly. “We’ve been over that so many times, Swan.” “True. You’re not going to let the job thing drop, are you?” “I don’t know why you want me to.” Emma sighed, but she didn’t try to push him off her and he was more than content to linger on top of her while discussing some nebulous future that was only sort of overwhelming. He really wanted to shoot at something.

“It’s not so much that,” Emma started. “It’s just...there’s so much here and so much to do and I really think Mer is sleeping in her office again.” “I doubt that.” “Have you met Merida?” “Strangely enough, I have,” Killian nodded. “And I know she’s not sleeping in her office because she told me that she was going to Gristedes last night to make sure there were bags of dried cranberries in your office for the next week.” “Did you ask her to do that?” Killian glanced up at the sound of the question, Emma’s voice shaking slightly and cracking a bit and his mouth dropped when he realized what she was doing to her lower lip. He moved his thumb over it, doing his best to pry it away from her teeth without causing any more damage and it wasn’t that big of a deal.

He’d been telling Merida to make sure Emma ate since he got hurt, and even before then – when playoffs got crazy or she ordered the same salad from Pret the entire time she was pregnant with Matt and that was just part of the deal, slightly different versions of vows he’d promised twice.

And she still looked kind of stunned.

He needed to get back on the ice.

He needed things to be normal again.

“You’re deflecting again, Swan,” he muttered, and not kissing her was a very specific type of challenge. “What did Tink say?” “C’mon answer, the question. And please don’t talk about an attempted set-up while you’re also being charming. It’s a lot of mixed signals.”

He chuckled against her hair, fingers working back under her shirt and maybe he was the one deflecting. “What was it you said? I wanted to have kids with you, so I think you won, Swan.” “Ah, it sounds crazy when you say it like that.” “Maybe a little clingy.” “Oh my God.” “The job, love,” Killian said, pulling back and he wasn’t sure if he appreciated Emma’s laugh.

“You went all dad face on me. I couldn’t take it seriously.” “That doesn’t bode well for the future.”

Her expression changed again, a blink and a twitch of her lips and it would have been great if the Earth’s atmosphere stopped abruptly shifting like that. It wasn’t helping his lungs at all. Or his head. Tuesday. That was the last headache he’d had.

“That’s not true at all,” Emma said softly. “And, uh...the job is basically what I’m doing now, just...everywhere.” “Everywhere?” “This would probably be easier if you didn’t just repeat everything I was saying.” Killian rolled his eyes, but Emma was smiling again and her fingers were incredibly distracting. “So, the idea is to kind of grow the fanbase I guess. Especially the youth fanbase. Which apparently, rumor has it, I’m great at.” “But,” Killian prompted.

“How do you know there’s a but?” “Swan.” She stuck her tongue out and rolled her eyes and it looked a bit like Peggy when she didn’t appreciate that they were were feeding her cut up sweet potatoes again. Emma Swan and Peggy Jones both hated sweet potatoes.

Killian didn’t say that out loud.

“It’s just a lot,” Emma said, probably waving her hands through the air over his back. “There’s a lot of kids and a lot of would-be fans and...I don’t have time to think about that now. I can’t think about that now. Not when everything is so…”

She gritted her teeth, the rest of that sentence practically flashing on a neon sign above her head. It was a pretty good imitation of what her desk phone usually liked.

“Emma,” Killian said, and she groaned loudly, an arm draped over her face and a pillow falling on the floor and they were on borrowed time already.

The door swung open, slamming into the wall hard enough that it probably left a mark and Killian winced when a four-year-old threw himself at his left leg.

“Dad, Dad,” Matt yelled, somehow getting the sound to move directly into Killian’s ear at the same time he dug his feet into his calf. “Are you awake?”

Emma laughed, turning her head into a pillow so it wasn’t incredibly obvious, but Killian was still half on top of her with his hand under her shirt and they were going to have to come up with a better way to avoid ruining their kid’s psyche.

Maybe after they dealt with everything else.

He still needed to get a tux for Casino Night.

“We’re very awake, Mattie,” Emma promised, twisting around to tug him further up the bed and Killian was sure one his kidneys suffered for the effort. “The real question is why are you awake? And what are we going to make for breakfast?” “I’m hungry!” “Yeah, I kind of figured that’s what this was about.”

Emma glanced at him, lips ticking up and whatever they’d been treading towards with the job discussion had been appropriately deflected. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to regret that as much as he did.

“What do you say we make breakfast today, Mattie?” Killian asked, sitting back on his heels and it was a precarious position, but that felt like a metaphor and he ignored it completely.

Matt jumped up, just barely missing both of Emma’s knees in the process, and Killian could hear Peggy yelling a few feet away and they were going to have to buy a real bed eventually because that kid really did have an absurd amount of upper-body strength.

“Yeah,” Matt yelled, but it came out a bit like a question and Killian was almost ready when a head collided with his shoulder. “Mattie, be careful,” Emma chastised. Her hand moved, hovering over Matt’s back and another Jones-branded t-shirt, but Killian shook his head deftly.

Another deflection.

Another slightly selfish move because that seemed destined to end with him half choking to death, but he hadn’t had a headache in days and maybe indefinite could end a little earlier than scheduled.

Probably after they ate their weight in chocolate-chip waffles.

“It’s fine, Swan,” Killian said, pleasantly surprised when he absolutely meant it and none of his joints cracked when he stood up.

Emma stared at him incredulously. “He’s gone full koala on you. I really don’t think that can be healthy. Physical activity was, like, at the absolute bottom of the list.” She groaned when he grinned, eyebrows twisting and there were so many pillows on their bed. He barely heard when she fell back against them. “You know what I meant,” she mumbled.

“I did. But I’m not all that concerned with the list at the moment.” He took a step forward, Matt still clinging to his side, and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. She smiled. “Go shower, love. We’re going to eat way too much chocolate.”

They did, in fact, eat way too much chocolate, Matt’s lips covered and, somehow, his chin had gotten into the mix, perched on the counter next to a bowl of batter with even more chips in it.

“Dad, can Mar have some too?” Matt asked, trying to yank the spoon out of the bowl and Killian wasn’t sure what his plan was, but he assumed it was flinging waffle batter at his sister. It’s probably what he would have done.

“Hey,” he said sharply. Matt’s shoulders slumped. “What did we say about sitting up here?” “Not to touch.” “Yuh huh.” “And not to swing.” Killian nodded, eyeing Matt’s swinging feet intently. They sounded incredibly loud when they collided with the front of the cabinet and he thought he was being very impressive when he snuck his hand into the bowl, grabbing a few chocolate chips that hadn’t mixed in yet.

“You’re not nearly as sneaky as you think you are,” Killian muttered, and Matt widened his eyes in a way that was equal parts familiar and entirely uncharted territory. And it probably counted as physical activity, but his kid was laughing and smiling and happy and it didn’t really take much to sling Matt over his shoulder, socked feet bumping against his chest and fingers gripping at the back of the shirt he’d finally put on.

He hoped they didn’t burn the waffles.

Matt kept laughing and Killian, somehow, managed to get Peggy to eat a handful of bananas, some of which inexplicably ended up on his elbow, but it was good and healthy and-- “Dad,” Matt asked, moving to hang off Killian’s back and he’d gotten surprisingly good at that in the last few months. Maybe all their kids were just ridiculously strong.

“Yeah, kid.” “Did you like your picture?”

He wished he didn’t have banana on his elbow for this conversation.

“Of course,” Killian said, hoping his voice stayed even and confident and Matt wasn’t done. It was, he assumed, because they’d lost last night and Matt probably had the Rangers practice schedule memorized at that point and the prospect of hanging out with Leo Nolan that afternoon wasn’t nearly as fun as taking slap shots on Garden ice with Roland.

“Do you...do you think you’ll win?”

Killian had to take a deep breath before he answered, closing his eyes and trying to remember all the good things and the confidence he’d been flushed with that morning.

No headache since Tuesday. Good heart rate on the treadmill. Minimal glares from both Ariel and Regina in the last week.  

Husinger’s pass had been ridiculous.

“Dad,” Matt whined, tightening his hold.

Killian flinched when someone knocked on the door, biting his tongue in the process and he never actually answered Matt’s question, peering through the peephole to find it covered with what looked like a handmade sign.

He knew who it was when she kicked at the door.

“Oh my God,” Killian muttered. “Mattie, don’t try and climb over me when I open this door, ok?”

It was a pointless request – Matt was four and had no control over his limbs ever and he probably should have been more concerned about Anna anyway because she practically leapt at Killian as soon as there wasn’t a door in between them.

Killian groaned when her body collided with his, arms around his middle and more hair in his face. He stumbled backwards, wincing when Matt likely did permanent damage to his right eardrum.

The shower turned off down the hallway.

“KJ, is that banana on your elbow?” Anna asked.

“Did you bring a sign?” he countered. “This is not JFK. A sign seems unnecessary.”

“Ok, this is super cute and you know it. So don’t try and tell me that you’re not charmed. I can see it in your face and your banana elbow.” Killian rolled his eyes, but Anna was, well, Anna and she was already talking to Matt. “My guy,” she grinned, trying and failing to pry him away from Killian’s back and that was only because she didn’t have the kind of upper body strength either of the Jones kids seemed to possess. “You trying to choke your dad?”

“Anna, Anna, Anna,” Matt chanted. She beamed at Killian. And let go of him so she could crouch to Matt’s level and hug him tightly, peppering his head with kisses until he found that decidedly unpleasant.

“What are you doing here, Banana?” She laughed, tilting her head up to him and he was, somehow, holding her sign. “It’s almost like you planned the food shenanigans to match up with even more absurd nicknames.” “Several habits make it a difficult habit to break.” “That’s kind of my excuse too, honestly.” “What?”

“Anna?"

Emma was standing on the edge of the kitchen, hair still in a towel and bare feet and it took less than a full second for even more hugging and questions and Zelena’s meeting schedule was going to be completely pointless after this.

Killian looked at the sign in his hand, biting back a smile and a laugh when he processed the words: HERE TO FIX YOUR LIFE, KJ.

They didn’t burn all the waffles, cleaning Matt’s face and Anna kept Peggy on her knee the entire time they ate, updates on several different mountains and a spread in Condé Nast, because that was the kind of person she was and she hadn’t been to New York in months.

She’d come to New York to fix his life.

The sign wouldn’t have lied.

Anna wouldn’t have lied.

“Alright,” Emma said, nearly an hour and two slightly dramatic baths for both kids later. “Let’s move out, team.” “Where are you going?” Anna asked, and Killian knew he didn’t imagine the disappointment in her voice. He smiled.

“I’ve got forty-two Casino Night meetings and I’m sure Aurora has opinions about Phillip’s ceremony she hasn’t actually voiced yet and--” “--God, there’s more?”

Emma made a face. “So I’m going to bring Mattie and Pegs to Reese’s and David’s because he’s got a day off for the first time in forever and--” “--Why can’t KJ and I watch ‘em?” “I’ve got PT in an hour, Banana,” Killian explained, but Emma’s shoulders sagged a bit. “So you better explain yourself pretty quickly or Red will throw a treadmill at you too.” “Yeah, I’d like to see her try.”

“Wily.”

“Don’t be a jerk, KJ.” He flashed her a grin, turning back to Emma when she grabbed her keys and two different phones, one of them already lighting up in her hand. “Hot chocolate later?” she asked, a note of something in her voice that didn’t sound like confidence and he was nodding before she closed her mouth.

“Wouldn’t miss it, Swan.” “Good,” she said, kissing him quick and leaning towards him so he could make a face at Peggy and Anna might have awed when he worked a rather loud da out of her. “See you later, Anna.” Anna hummed, waving and settling herself into the corner of the couch. She dug her heels into Killian's thighs. And, to her credit, waited for the door to close before she started talking.

“I brought chocolate,” Anna said, and that might have been the last thing he expected her to say. She smiled when Killian blinked. “Yeah, not what you were thinking, right? Teach you to assume you know my conversational tendencies. I figured it was about time I repaid the favor or something.” “It wasn’t a favor Banana. It was a very vocal demand of yours for fifteen years.” “Not that long.” “You’re right, longer.”

“Don’t be like that. I made you a sign.”

“A rather opinionated sign.” “Liam yelled at you over the phone!"

“Not really,” Killian argued. “He advocated for making out and dates and getting away from practice.” “You follow through on any of that?” “At least the first two.” Anna clicked her tongue, another heel press and expressive look and he kind of expected her phone to ring earlier, honestly. “Is this why you came here?” Killian asked, swatting at her leg when her feet started masquerading as fifty-pound weights. “God, move your legs, Banana. I am on IR.”

“Because of your actual brain, KJ,” she countered. Elsa sighed on the phone screen.

“Are we fighting already? That was not part of the plan.”

“The plan was unnecessary,” Killian growled. “I’m serious about your feet, Banana. Did you come here just for this? That’s worse than the sign.” “The sign was nice!” “The sign was kind of judgmental. And kind of backed you into a corner. Here to fix my life?” “Aw, Anna,” Elsa groaned. Anna blushed. “That’s not what we agreed on KJ. Although it’s nice to see visual proof that you’re alive. How’s your head?” “No headaches in awhile,” Killian said, and Anna was never going to move her feet. Like, ever again. “So as good as can be expected.” “You snuck on the ice yet?” “Who do you think I am, El?” “I know exactly who you are, KJ,” Elsa answered evenly. She was in her office. There was snow on the mountains behind her. “Which is why I’m asking that question.” “Rude,” “Honest,” Anna corrected. “And I’m not totally here because of you. It’s been a while since I’d seen Kris and we’ve been talking about…”

Killian snapped his head around so quickly, he was sure he’d need PT for that too and Anna’s cheeks were red enough that it was difficult to differentiate between her face and her hair. “Talking about?”

“Not that.” “You haven’t actually said anything, Banana.” She groaned, slumping in the couch and he should have made her get the chocolate first. He couldn’t eat more chocolate. “I’ve just been thinking about home, and missing home and Mattie’s a cute kid and,” she rolled her eyes, “shut up, KJ.” “I didn’t say anything.”

“Nah, you’re really bad at lying KJ,” Elsa muttered, and he jerked back when Anna thrust the phone in his face. “And Anna’s even more sentimental than you are and totally homesick. It just helps that you’re part of home so now we can tag-team you.”

“Ah, c’mon,” Anna groaned.

Elsa shrugged. “You weren’t supposed to make a sign.”

Killian chuckled, some of his frustration dissipating and it might have been because of the copious amount of chocolate he’d eaten that morning, but he was fairly certain it was also because Elsa and Anna Vankald resolutely refused to let him be anything except happy.

“You guys know you’re kind of late to the intervention party, right?” Killian asked. “I really haven’t gotten on the ice.”

“That’s actually pretty impressive,” Elsa said, ignoring whatever he did with his face at that. “But, uh...not entirely, no.” Killian tilted his head, eyes flitting from the phone to Anna and her pursed lips and Elsa looked nervous. “What’s this actually about?” “The plan kind of evolved in the last few hours,” Anna muttered. “Although there really is an offer to watch your painfully cute kids because Emma sounds super stressed out in the group text and you’re not great at dealing and--” “--How can she sound stressed out in a text?” “It’s a feeling, KJ.” “A feeling?” “Killian,” Elsa snapped, and he nearly jumped off the couch. Anna hissed. “This really isn’t about the semantics of the text messages.”

“Although you should really be aware of how stressed out Emma is,” Anna mumbled.

“I know, Banana,” Killian said. The frustration was back. It kind of felt like fury.

And he didn’t hear Elsa at first.

There was probably a scientific reason for that.

Complete and utter denial and the desperate desire to deflect this entire conversation.

Probably.

“I said, have you seen The Post today?” Elsa asked softly. Killian shook his head. “You, uh, you might want to look at it.”

It took a moment to find it – searching and scrolling and his phone had been off, his quiet fuck when he landed on the Q&A sounding impossibly loud in the now-silent apartment.

He’d seen the feature before, a Saturday spread two pages from the back with a color headshot for the columnist and splashy photos for the subject and he’d answered those questions more than once in the last decade and a half.

It was the headline, really, that got the laugh out of him, slightly manic and a little surprised and he knew Elsa tried to glance at Anna through the phone.

Harping on Husinger: How the Rangers call-up is making this his team

“His team?” Killian asked. He didn’t take his eyes away from his phone, grip tightening and the words felt like acid working out of him. He was glad he didn’t melt. That’d probably ruin the couch. It’d at least scandalize Anna.

“So he says,” Elsa muttered. “Several times.” “He says this shit more than once?”

She made a noise, an agreement and a slight whimper and Killian’s lungs had never collapsed before, but this kind of felt like that. Or the world falling into a black hole.

Anna sniffled.

“He’s a dick, KJ,” she shrugged. “Just...forget the goals and that pass last night. He’s...trying to make it sound like you know you won’t come back and it’s his spot and his playoff run and..”

She didn’t finish. Killian wished she finished, but his eyes were scanning sentences and proclamations and promises, swallowing when they landed on my line’s been great, it’s been so easy to settle into the scheme and Arthur’s an incredible coach, and I can only hope I keep finding the back of the net. This is the moment I’ve been waiting my whole career for, I don’t intend to backtrack.

“This is bullshit,” Killian said, voice low and he kept shaking his head like that would get rid of the ringing in his ears. “It’s not his team.” “We know, KJ,” Elsa promised. “He’s just trying to get his five minutes.” “Or his minutes until the playoffs.” “What?” “That’s as soon as I can get back. Maybe.” “Maybe?” “That’s what they told me, El,” he growled. She widened her eyes. “Sorry, sorry, I just...how did you find this? Were you looking for headlines? And why didn’t Lucas tell me?” “I don’t think she knew Husinger was going to say all that. And you’re kind of terrifying, KJ.” “And Belle texted me,” Anna added. “That’s why the plan changed. I think she was trying to talk Scarlet out of killing this guy at practice.”

There wasn’t much thought after that.

It was just anger and red on the edge of his vision and Killian stuffed his phone in his pocket, mumbling I’ll be back later when both Anna and Elsa questioned where he was going.

He left his wallet in the bedroom.

“Hey, uh, you see that story this morning, Cap?” the driver asked, and Killian grunted or nodded and neither one of them said anything else the entire drive down Columbus Ave.

He didn’t say anything to the security guard either, just tugged up the collar of his jacket and kept walking, eyes on his shoes and mind nowhere near rational. He could hear pucks hitting the boards already.

The tension was obvious, even through Killian’s own cloud of anger and fury and several other words that were equally irrational. Will was standing on the far edge of the ice, helmet off and stick clutched in his hand tight enough that Killian would have bet him several different things his knuckles were white under his gloves.

Robin was taking faceoffs, Husinger just outside the circle and neither of them looked particularly pleased to be sharing the same few feet of space. Phillip kept glaring at them both.

Arthur blew his whistle.

“Again, Locksley,” he growled. “And try not to fuck it up this time. You looked like shit last night.” “He won more than half Arthur,” Will pointed out. Another whistle blow.

“I’m not paying him to win half. I’m paying him to win seventy-five percent. At least.” “You’re not really paying him at all, you know, unless you got a promotion none of us heard about.”

Arthur let go of his whistle, the stupid bit of plastic landing on his chest with a soft thump and Husinger chuckled. And, for half a second, Killian was worried the whole goddamn team was going to kill him.

Phillip’s eyes narrowed and Will dropped his stick, Robin standing up to his full height and rolling his shoulders – the same exact way Roland did when he didn’t like a call on the ice.

Arthur skated across the circle.

“You want to try that again, Husinger?” Arthur muttered. He laughed. Again.

Killian swallowed. And swung his legs over the boards.

He was always better on ice than he was anywhere else, more confident and more controlled, and, admittedly, more talented, but in the moment, he was simply thankful he kept his balance, a distinct lack of traction that may have been due to the excessive beating of his heart.

“Cap,” Will gasped. “What the hell. Get off the ice?” Killian shook his head, certain he would fall over if he stopped moving and Husinger stopped laughing when he saw him.

He hadn’t actually seen him in person yet.

He wasn’t that big, no taller than Killian and a little stockier, leaning on his stick with half a smile on his face and a confident attitude that was treading dangerously close to complete and utter dick. He clicked his tongue when Killian was a few inches away, jaw tight and eyes tracing across his street clothes and sneakers.

“Looks like you’re still not quite ready to suit up, Jones,” Husinger grinned.

Will nearly jumped forward.

Killian shook his head, crossing his arms lightly and he still couldn't really come up with any coherent thoughts. “What the hell is your problem?” he asked, ignoring both Robin and Phillip when they mumbled Cap under their breath.

Arthur looked torn between blowing his whistle and making them all skate blue lines.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yeah, you do,” Killian muttered. “Or you wouldn’t look that nervous.” Husinger blinked, smile wavering for half a moment before he schooled his features and pursed his lips. He shook his gloves off. “I’ve never met you before, man,” Husinger continued. “All I know is the legend.”

“There’s no legend.” “Ah, sure there is or you wouldn’t be here to defend it. You worried about your squad? Is that what it is?” “It’s not your team.”

“Not yet. You see that pass last night? Rocket right across the ice. That’s what they were saying on all the talk shows this morning.” “A spot on SportsCenter’s not going to get you a Cup.” “And yet you’ll still be on the bench no matter I do, won’t you?” Husinger asked. Killian fisted his hands at his side, biting on the inside of his lip and he could hear Will breathing behind him. “It’s a talkative team. Not really like that in Hartford, but they do talk about you Hartford and you’re out of commission for awhile.” “Seriously, what is your problem, man?” Phillip balked, huffing when Robin pushed his hand into his jersey.

Husinger shrugged. “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care about Jones. I don’t care about his fucking brain or his cognitive reasoning or the kids everyone keeps talking about. This is a a hockey team. And it’s supposed to win. I’m here to win. I don’t care about anything else.” “That’s not how this works,” Killian muttered, voice barely audible and Arthur stared at him. “You can’t win if you’re just here for you.”

“Did you miss the part where I don’t care?” “Nah, I heard you. Strangely enough the concussion didn’t affect my hearing.”

Will tried to turn his laugh into a cough, but he was grinning when Killian glanced at him and he’d never picked up his stick. “That was funny, Cap,” he said. “You hear that Locksley? Cap’s making jokes about concussions.” “Don’t tell Emma,” Robin yelled.

Killian rolled his eyes, but Husinger was still standing there and, presumably, still a piece of garbage, absolute dick looking for a moment in the spotlight and they all really should have expected it.

It had already been in print.

“This is my spot now, Jones,” Husinger said, shrugging like it was obvious and Arthur put the whistle back in between his teeth. “And I’m not going anywhere. You can come back and it won’t matter. You’re gone. Might as well get used to it now. Make it easier to explain to your kids next season.”

It wasn’t really red.

It was kind of like...magenta. Burning and searing and so goddamn hot Killian had to glance down at his hands to make sure they hadn’t exploded into flames.

And Killian barely heard Will, a quiet “ah, fuck that guy,” in the background when he walked forward, lifted his hand and punched.

A right hook, straight to the jaw.

Everything went to shit after that.

Killian landed another two punches before Husinger reacted, a fist in his stomach and the side of his cheek and he swore he heard something crack, the pain rushing straight through him. He was never entirely sure how he kept his balance, slipping and sliding and gripping the front of Husinger’s jersey like a goddamn anchor.

He didn’t stop.

He felt an arm around him, trying to pull him away and he didn’t know if it was Will or Robin, didn’t particularly care either way, particularly when another blow landed on the side of his ribs. That made it more difficult to breathe.

And keep fighting.

Arthur blew his whistle.

Phillip cursed when Husinger elbowed him, trying to fight him off as he worked to stay on his skates and there was blood dripping into Killian’s mouth.

He could feel the bruise blooming under his eye, and it was a bit like being thrown into ice-cold water. His legs shook under him, suddenly incapable of supporting his weight and Will mumbled something he couldn’t understand.

Arthur was shouting, yelling instructions and something that sounded a bit like get this asshole the fuck off my ice and Killian exhaled, desperate to blink away the spots in front of his eyes.

Will kept mumbling ambulance.  

“No, no, no,” Killian argued, shaking his head. That was a mistake. Weebles wobble and they absolutely fall down.

“Cap.” “No, no, just...just go find Emma.”

[fairycosmos]

because i was constantly born on the idea that worth=intelligence/beauty, i feel worthless in this society. i know that people say everyone is unique but everyone is a better version of me—im very replaceable and despite coming to terms with that, i am so fucking isolated and lonely. i think “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal to others” sums it up. your thoughts?

hey! well honestly i mean, you said it - recognizing the fact that you were born to believe intelligence and beauty equals worth means that you're beginning to have the self awareness to know that there is more to people than those two things. i guess it helps to examine exactly WHY those expectations were projected onto you and whether or not those reasons are actually true and valid. look, our society wants to generate profit, right? that's the priority. they teach us to hate ourselves cause it makes them money, selling us an idea of beauty so thin and marginal and fake that we'll spend our whole lives chasing it. they tell us that our intelligence indicates our worth so we'll spend all of our time trying to prove ourselves, putting our education and our careers above everything, just to keep the cycle going. so we'll work and work because that's what we think we're here for. they need us to want approval, they need us to desire perfection. it's a calculated system. you've been taught it since you were very young, i mean we all have, so even the subconscious parts of our minds have soaked it in. it's really hard to deconstruct your ideas of reality and what qualities you treasure in yourself, but it's not impossible and it can be achieved over a lifetime. i think it may really help if you try to stop framing yourself as a product to be consumed. you're multidimensional, a being with flaws and quirks and experiences to be had. don't flatten yourself down just to try to reach those narrow, genuinely impossible standards. and look, others being good at things does not mean your existence is null and void. you're not alive in relation to them. you are the only you on the planet and that's NOT a bad thing, dude, i promise. it's not your skills or your assets that make you worthwhile, it's your inherent individual thoughts, your viewpoint and perspective. you were born with worth, everyone is. and it hasn't disappeared just cause you can't see it. your capacity to love, your unique relationship with the world and your loved ones - that's what matters. everything else is background noise.i get it though. when you're isolated and depressed, and you already have low self esteem, the way you register things can become very marred and twisted. i know this better than anyone. all of your insecurities become your general belief system, until there's nothing left but that self disgust, and you can't even conceive of the idea that you're more than what your brain says you are. but thats the absolute truth. i can't be sure obviously, but it seems to me like so much of your pain is stemming from your self perception, and can that really be trusted if your core feelings were shaped by those bullshit rules of the world that we talked about earlier? a fundamental change could really help you out. i think it could be a good idea for you to talk to someone about what's happening, or at least consider it. a friend, a family member, your doctor, a hotline, literally anyone. i know your first instinct will be to reject the idea, but please try to look beyond that initial impulse. it's alright to need support. your mental health is just as important and as complex as your physical health, and sometimes it needs real assistance and guidance in order for you to begin overcoming it. a professional will be able to examine the root causes of why you think the way you do, while showing you how to implement better coping mechanisms into your every day life. being honest about your thoughts to someone you trust will allow you to gain multiple perspectives, so you can paint a clearer picture. the connection is an antidote. look at the past few months, at the cycle that's been repeating - it makes sense that the way forward is to finally do something different, right? there are so many resources out there that will genuinely build your confidence and allow you to come to terms with who you are. you're going to spend the rest of your life with yourself so you might as well give gentleness a go. after all, blatant self hatred hasn't worked so far, right? it just piles up, and makes everything worse in the long run.of course i'm not saying that it's the answer to everything, or even that you have to start loving yourself right now. it is a long, sometimes gruelling but very rewarding process. and it's alright for it to take time. there will be days where you still can't stand to look at yourself, where you automatically measure your self worth by outside factors, where you're overwhelmed with negative emotions. again, these are things you've been taught for your while entire life. the goal is to do what you can to challenge those beliefs and deal with them in the healthiest way possible. if you honestly attempt that, you will notice a positive difference over time. bottom line is this - how you feel about yourself and the world and your life will naturally evolve as you age. i swear it won't always be as confusing and as painful as this. but there comes a time where you just sort of realize that you can actively encourage that self growth, if you want to. being scared and feeling resentment and embarrassment is a natural part of giving in to recovery. especially if you're dealing with a mental illness that needs to be treated by a doctor. it's alright to talk about the things that hurt. i honestly think that everyone is equal, it's just your mind is biased against you so you can't quite believe that right now. you're not here to prove that you belong on this planet, man. you're already here. you already belong. all you have to do is work on accepting it.

[fallxnprxnce]

Has Prince Nuada ever spoken too other fae Kings/kingdoms about his ideas on giving the world back to them? Has he been denied, decided against it or just not considered it? I feel that other fae races would be interested in joining him or at least discussing with it. I hope you are doing well, and thank you!

This is a great topic! I apologize forthis being so late, but I didn’t want to write just a quick answer, so I had towait until I had the proper amount of time and brainpower to do the thing, heh.

So… there are two ways to answer thesequestions. I have mused on this myself, imagining what Nuada would have doneand how other races would have reacted, and I have also discussed it atlength  - both IC and OOC – with a goodfriend of mine and some of her muses. One muse in particular, actually, but sheshall remain nameless. She knows who she is. XD

As far as I’ve mused on the subject,early on Nuada would have approached other races about his gripes with humans,and later about his plans to eradicate them. Most other races of fae were notonly not interested in joining his cause but figured he would never see it cometo fruition anyway. They thought it was the ramblings of a petulant prince andnothing more.

The reason for this is because they seea war with humans as just as catastrophic as what the humans might do to theearth, except quicker and with a higher loss of fae life than if they just waitthings out. Chances are, most fae races will acclimate over timebiologically to things like pollution (after all, humans have in many ways),and will evolve and adapt in other ways to continue on as the earth changes.And the earth will change. I thinkthat’s something major that fae generally understand that Nuada does not isthat everything changes. Nothing remains the same forever. One must adapt tochange, not resist it. Versatility during hardship and change is what ensuressurvival, not exile and resistance.

The other reason they would not want to joinhim is becauseit sets a dangerous political precedent. Fae races and plenty of othertypes of non-humans races can be difficult to deal with, it’s true. They can bewarlike, reclusive, territorial, selfish, antagonistic… all of those things.However, when it comes to the overall planet and causes and cycles greater thanall races combined, the fae realize that cooperation is key. That is not to saythey’re going to start breaking bread with orcs and ghouls and certain speciesof trolls anytime soon, but it’s more like a general understanding of we’re all in this together. If Nuada,who is a representative of high Elven races whether he wants or intends to beor not, were to move against the race of humans and obliterate them, that meansthat anyone who has a gripe with anyone else can just decree or bring aboutgenocide in order to solve their problem. It’s a dire precedent to set, and it’snot one that is appreciated by anynon-human races, least of all the fae ones.

Biodiversity is celebrated among non-humans. Again, that does not mean all races like allothers, not by a long shot, but it just means that they are glad there are somany different types of races on earth. It keeps ecosystems alive, keeps cretainpopulations and borders at bay, and generally makes for an interesting earth tolive on. To wipe out one of the most dominant races on earth (just speaking inthe context of population size) should not and is not a viable or sustainable option. Fae races believe if Nuadagoes down that path, he will find that out a lot quicker than he will be ableto set his plan into motion.

Now… as far as what my friend and Ihave discussed both IC and OOC, it is her personal opinion and that of some ofher non-human muses that fae races wouldn’t just shake their head, call Nuadaan insolent upstart, and leave him to the karma of the universe to either righthim or stop him depending on how far he takes his plan, but rather they wouldactively seek to kill him themselves if things went too far. Before that? Theywould make it abundantly clear that they believe he is not only bigoted,hateful, and masquerading the horrors of genocide as a righteous path, but heis also incredibly ignorant and genuinely dumb. I’m paraphrasing for a specificmuse in particular, and if that muse would like to add anything to this littlemeta, she is invited to do so. I shall tag her associated human here: @queenrookandbishop

Why all the snark, rage, and intensedislike for Nuada from this muse and others? Aside from agreeing with myearlier sentiment of genocide not being a viable answer to anything, there are severalof very pointed reasons as to why fae races or any non-human races would beagainst eliminating humans, according to this outspoken muse. She has hit Nuadawith almost all of them personally by now I think, but he is showing clearsymptoms of pigheadedness. Surprise, surprise. Nevertheless, she’s right, so I shall the most important reasonsto not wipe out humans here:

1) Humans take care of a lot of shit on earth,so who is going to do that when they’re all gone? Yes, human make a lot of garbage and waste.Yes, they pollute. But they also clean up, remediate, treat, manage, store, andotherwise deal with their waste as well. Not all of it, to be sure, but enoughof it such that if all the humans disappeared tomorrow, everybody left behindwould be in big trouble in really not a lot of time. No more water filtrationfor plastic wastes. No more maintenance of nuclear power plants. No moremanagement of toxic waste sites with drums of deadly and/or radioactivematerials. No more environmental groups instituting things like beach cleanups,litter pick-ups, tree-planting events, running animal preserves and rescue operations,etc. If all the humans disappeared tomorrow, we’d be left with all the bad andnone of the good as far as what humans have done so far with the world. Maybetheir factories would shut down, they would no longer drive cars that releasegreenhouse gases, they would no longer be drinking water bottles and discardingthem in waterways, they wouldn’t be farming mass quantities of land withchemical fertilizers and pesticides, but you know what…? What humans havealready done is enough to pollute the world for centuries to come. And… whatthey are doing to remediate pollution and keep toxic waste contained and keeppotentially dangerous facilities up and running will suddenly stop… and evenmore contamination will be released into the environment with none of thecountermeasure to clean it or stop it. The consequences of human life endingsuddenly on earth far outweigh the benefits, to both the actual planet as wellas all other non-human races that inhabit it.

2) What happens to all the bodies of dead humansonce this genocide occurs? There wouldbe more bodies left to rot worldwide than there are microbes and predators capableof dealing with all that biological waste. Sure, some corpses will be scavengedby predator animals… Bears, large cats, not to mention predatory fae and othernon-human races. And bacteria and fungi will go to work, putrefying and rottingbodies depending upon their specific metabolic needs. But the need for these thingsto occur will far be exceeded by the number of bodies there will be. The GoldenArmy will kill humans fast. So whenthis happens and there are bodies everywhere, predation and natural rotting andrecycling of nutrients in those bodies will take a decent amount of time. Inthe meantime, bodies are leaking putrid fluids into soils. They’re falling intowaterways and poisoning them. Diseases are breeding in corpses baking under thesun. So much gas is released that the air becomes poisonous, and furthercontributes to global warming. It’s really not a good picture at all. Manyraces on land and in the water will be poisoned to death if not made very ill.Weaker individuals will die, and those left will have to deal with all thebiological waste somehow or risk much of the earth being uninhabitable for along time.

3) Many non-human races rely on humans as afood source! Vampires, largetrolls, dragons, rusalka, ghouls, wendigo, lycanthropes, etc. all feed onhumans. Some, like vampires, are entirely limited to humans such that, were allhumans to disappear, so would they… or else they would be reduced to drinkinganimal blood and become weakened and sick depending on which set of vampirelore you’re going with. My point is, taking out an entire food source that hadpreviously been so prevalent is going to rock the web of life and the foodchain considerably. Some races may die from lack of food, while others willbegin to eat other races… like elves,perhaps, potentially bringing about the extinction of other races who cannotsupport that level of predation.

In short… fae races and othernon-humans would have the common sense and wisdom to understand that taking outall humans is not the answer. So why doesn’t Nuada? After 2K+ years of life,why isn’t he wiser? My first answer is to call bullshit on Guillermo del Torobecause I think Nuada would be wiserthan that after all that time. There’s really no way he couldn’t be. But I’mnot going to do that because GdT is awesome and saying the canon is flawed isjust a copout answer anyway. XD So… I will go with a two-fold answer of 1) hisisolation after going into exile put him in an environment where he did notreceive very much constructive criticism or opposition. He isolated himself,stewed about his own ideas, and sought out other like-minded individuals (e.g.,Mr. Wink). That kind of lifestyle served to maintain, preserve, and perpetuatehis own ignorance. And 2) Nuada was poisoned by his own emotions, as we all knowis a definitely thing with elves. His anger, sadness, hopelessness, depression,etc. over what was happening to his people actually worked much the same waydepression does in humans… it chemically changed his brain to continue thatnegative thought pattern feedback loop, which then also led to him becomingphysically damaged by his own emotions as well. Ultimately, his way of thinkingwas actually altered by his emotions after spending enough time wallowing inthem without the help he needed or the opposition he potentially should havehad.

I hope this answered your questions,and thank you for sending this in! =D

[script-a-world]

I want to create a world with new lifeforms in another universe. It doesn't have the elements we know so I'm also rebuilding the entire periodic table with my knowledge from Higher Level IB chemistry, but I think I dug myself into a hole here on how to then actually build on elemental properties and create things. I feel I'm doing a lot better creating conlangs on knowledge from a 16 hours linguistics interest course that counts for nothing academically.

Miri: You might be focusing too much on the hard science, to the detriment of your progress. Is there a reason you need to know the details to this extreme level? If it doesn’t come up in your story, you might not need to worry about it. Scientists know don’t know every thing about how every life form is made up. We’re still finding new things about ourselves.

Tex: You did indeed dig yourself into a hole. Unfortunately, thinking up new elements is not as simple as looking at a periodic table and throwing some ideas at it - for one, you've started several steps too far. A periodic table can only be created if the elements exist, and in order for elements to exist you need to know what makes elements - they're created from stellar nucleosynthesis, which means you need to take a look at physical cosmology , astronomy, astrophysics, planetary geology, and stars.

Light elements are formed from stars, and heavy elements are formed from supernovae, via neutron capture reactions ( http://curious.astro.cornell.edu/about-us/84-the-universe/stars-and-star-clusters/nuclear-burning/402-how-are-light-and-heavy-elements-formed-advanced  and  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neutron_capture  ). If you look at the periodic table, you can see the pattern of atoms that may share the same amount of protons, but not the same amount of neutrons - this is where that difference comes from.

It sounds incredibly counter-intuitive - I know how well chemists and physicists enjoy posturing and claiming their view of the world is better - but in this, physics is your friend and will help you understand chemistry. Elements created from stellar nucleosynthesis are pretty set - 1+1, 2+1, so on and so forth, and only go up to a certain element, wherein supernovae take over for the higher-level elements. Most of the periodic table is going to carry over because of the nucleosynthesis, and it's the supernovae where you'll be best able to play around with new element formations. Chaos theory will reign supreme from that point, and you're going to be dealing with a lot of nonlinear complexity in order to create these new elements in such a way that they will harmonize with the rest of the periodic table in an ostensibly simple manner.

If you're feeling up for some legwork, you could feasibly create some formula to figure out the neutron-electron ratios for the heavier elements, which I imagine some teachers might be super excited to help you with (if you can't go to the ones in your school, a local university is also possible, as is NASA's "Ask a Scientist" and the Science & Entertainment Exchange.

Further Reading 

Quantum Chemistry - Wikipedia 

Wikipedia portals - Natural and physical sciences 

In A Quantum Universe, Even Mass Is Uncertain 

Fibonacci Numbers and the Golden Ratio in Biology, Physics, Astrophysics, Chemistry and Technology: A Non-Exhaustive Review by Vladimir Pletser (PDF)

Feral:    The level of worldbuilding you're attempting is pretty daunting, so I am not at all surprised you're feeling stuck. I honestly can't think of any examples of worldbuilding that is quite as ambitious. Maybe take a step back and ask yourself what you really need to know to write your story and also understand that you might need more than high school (even an IB program) could provide you with.

I can definitely see how the properties of the elements you're creating (once you follow all of Tex's lovely steps) would change how life evolves and therefore how your characters would look and live, so that's what I would focus on. 

I recommend looking at theoretical non-carbon lifeforms for inspiration. Silicon-based lifeforms are of course the most discussed. SciShow breaks down what this would be like nicely [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQCrrPohyts ]. Wikipedia is also a great jumping off point for other potential elements that life could evolve from and has an extensive bibliography. 

Remember that immersive worldbuilding doesn't necessarily require that you actually know the entire universe down to a atomic level. It's about whether or not you can experience the world as we experience our world. 

Saphira:   It sounds to me like you took something that thrilled you and wanted to replicate it, as a base for a world that was utterly and phenomenally new. That is a good feeling, and a good thought! As others have said, it seems you have taken on Titans with a Stick. Is it possible? You bet your bottom dollar. It would take a lot of work and first and foremost, a lot of organized project planning, but yes it can be done. 

Feral wanted you to ask yourself why dig yourself so deep into an aspect? I have a couple of guesses.   

My first guess is that you want to share your enthusiasm for the potential of the sciences- the periodic table in particular. You find it exciting and baffling, and those around you seem... Passive. You are working with your own table because the idea of showing others how important and awesome the elements are is within grasp. Just... Not as close as you thought.

Thought B? You wanted to build a world that is fundamentally different from ours. You wanted to show that the elements themselves create a whole other experience, a whole new world to explore.

If these are true, I have a couple of suggestions. For the first, don't drive yourself nuts over the whole table. You might want to make a few new elements and a scientist who discovers them. Use familiar elements as a bridge our understanding, and the scientist's enthusiasm, their attempts to explain to their loved ones (and readers!) the gravity of the discovery. Remember, even if you are working with HS Level of Science, HS is a genuine hellhole. People repress the heck out of it and straight up  forget the rest.

If it is the latter, then don't focus on the Table first. Focus on the table later. To create a unique experience, think of a handful of really cool, super surreal ways a planet could work. Look at Jupiter! All gas! Still has storms! What the hell. What was it, Uranus that straight up rains diamonds?? When creating a new world, your options are all over the place. I haven't even mentioned fantasy. Think about the experience first. Think about what your reads will see, and your characters will inevitably suffer. Once you have a feel for your world, a concept, then you can design the elements that make up these experiences. 

Take a deep breath. You have a super cool concept. You also gave yourself an entire library's worth of work to do. Step back, make the big picture, then work the details. 

[twitchesandstitches]

I have an idea for two new factions to play parts as antagonists, but I need suggestions since I’m sort of operating a bit outside my usual series and I don’t want them to become like super over-saturated with just a few specific series.

Opening up suggestions for characters for two other factions, and I really would appreciate it if you send in suggestions ASAP!

First group is the Ringers, a warlike faction that’s intended to be a lot more morally darker than the Cobalts and serve as ideological opponents to the fleet, though they have some ulterior motives that make what they do reasonable, if not sympathetic at all. Their goal is to plunge the multiverse into endless war and conflict, in a fashion similar to Talon from Overwatch; they believe that warfare and conflict force people to evolve and become better people, and also seem to know something about an upcoming disaster or terrible shift in the multiverse that will make it necessary for people to be hardened in order to survive it.

Their overall themes include: Conflict Is Good, War as desirable or natural (with possible social darwinism), the craving of bloodshed and warfare in general, frowning upon idealism and notions of honor, building character through strife, and in terms of moral alignment, being a lighter shade of black; they’re not pure evil (for the most part, and those that are may be tolerated) and they’re better than the uncertain forces they have foreseen, but to those affected by their rampages and plots, but not by much.

Generally they go about stirring up conflict or engaging others in massive battles, attempting to attack people and force them to build alliances or exaggerate rivalries, and are usually plotting to find some relic or secret to do the one thing to make everyone start fighting.

Alternatively, they may be out to conquer the multiverse, or much of it as they can, in order to safeguard it from this unknown threat, and have a mentality that only they have the authority to do so and the will to do it. They may also have different sub-factions with different views, but in the end it comes down to the same methods.

I have some characters in mind, and may switch around others from various factions if they might fit better here, but i mainly need more Big Lady characters. Generally I would appreciate suggestions from some of the following fandoms: Marvel, Disney, DC, RPG-style games I can update for the setting, but I’m good for stuff I’m not familiar with. Just suggest whoever and I’ll see if they fit!

Some possible characters for this group of endless battle: Javik from Mass Effect, with elements of Doomfist from Overwatch (giant gauntlet that amplifies powers, the same motive, and goals). Azula from the Avatarverse, in full Evil Overlord lady mode, and perhaps Kuvira from Legend of Korra as a more straightforward warlord queen?

Airachnid from Transformers Prime, with characteristics of her IDW incarnation; less sadistic and more experiment-minded, and interested in psychological experiments on a vast scale. Also the Combaticons, all female here, as rough and tough soldiers that are like anti-Dinobots.

Maleficent from Disney, playing up her fae aspects to the full; she may have little interest in the actual purpose behind a multiverse of endless war, but is going with it for her own plans or amusement. Depends on how the Disney stuff interacts with this? She might be a dark goddess of magic backing them, too

The Condesce/Meenah Peixes, from Homestuck. In this continuity she was originally doing her endless war against all the multiverse in an attempt to build a homeland for the trolls, after their lost their homeworld of Beforus. After eons of endless war, she’s become incredibly bloodthirsty and perhaps a little addicted to slaughter, and may be losing track of her original goal in favor of slaking her bloodlust. (Alternatively, I may choose to put her into a criminal organization as part of the Midnight Crew and other groups that are criminals but not, y’know, total bastards. Depends on whether I want to play up her canon traits, or soften them.)

Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka from Warhammer 40k: he’s the embodiment of ‘orcs as warlike brutes’, how could i not?? Maybe a girl version for Ork Amazon fun?

Yellow Diamond: I previously implied that she, White and Blue were captives of Megatron and mere jewelery for him, but I might have it that she has become freed and joined up with these guys, embittered and coming to believe in their cause, desperate as she is to save her people.

Hel from Marvel, but with more traits of her mythical inspiration (perhaps she shifts between two extremes, one cold but fair, the other rather playfully malicious and hungry for death), acting as a divine backer for them?

General demony characters associated with battle and warfare: no specifics here at the moment, but characters that fit this motif would be good

In general, blood knight-types, femme fatales that can be read as warriors, and anyone that has a big character emphasis on strength would fit well here!

The second faction is a variant on the Suicide Squad/TAsk Force X from DC; an elite group of agents working on behalf of mysterious benefactors. Their true numbers are in the millions, but this refers specifically to a squad that is a recurring set of characters. They are not normally antagonistic, though their goals may bring them into conflict with the Fleet, and certainly they don't like the militant guys up there and the Cobalts fight with them….. A Lot.

This task force consists exclusively of anti-heroes, reformed villains, and characters who were once straight up pure bad but have since reformed. They are people looking for a chance to find a new life, atone for their misdeeds, or simply are looking for a better cause and were never bad to begin with.

They are run by Amanda Waller of DC, who may either be part of, or answer to, a governing assembly of big multiversal figures trying to bring some stability to the cosmos. They might also have divine backing; some of their agents are people who are definitely dead, but are still looking for a second chance.

Some possible members:

Reaper/Gabriel Reyes from Overwatch, playing up both his ghostly qualities and the idea that he is a double agent. Most likely the leader and role model for them, and is a straight up ‘anti hero that kills bad guys who deserve it’ character here, rather than the vengeful wraith he is in canon at present.

Blue Diamond: Assuming that its the same case with Yellow, she’s come to regret what she has enabled over the eons and come to conclude that Pink/Rose Quartz had been right all along. Note that her true form is likely planet-sized here. A good chunk of her loyal gems may attend as the squad’s brute muscle.

Shockwave: From Cybertron, mostly using his IDW characterization. Specifically, this is Senator Shockwave. Once this famously cold, heartless and logical ‘Con was a hopeful idealist until the corrupt leaders of his homeworld took his face, his hands, and his ability to feel anything but cold logic. Following recent events, though, his mind has been freed, and he is in shock at millions of years of horrifying cruelty, and he would like nothing better than tho put his scientific acumen to work helping the multiverse.

Bucky Barnes/The White Wolf: He’s Wallers’ attendant, representative in the squad, and something of a political officer, muddled by his tendency to be everyone’s obnoxious brother.

Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy: A two-for-one deal, both of them usually giant ladies or even a full on fusion, and their canon tendency to become better people by being around each other has blossomed into full on attempts to go Good. Harley’s actual job is to be an on-team psychiatrist, while Ivy has transformed into a full on plant monster lady who sees it as her job to restore devastated worlds to full health again.

Lust, from Fullmetal Alchemist. Honestly undecided if she belongs here or with the warmonger faction; either way, she is mostly akin to the canon Lust from the manga and Brotherhood, but with the motivations of her first anime counterpart. Big, busty and largely embodying bloodlust, she has somehow incorporated most of her fellow homunculi and gained their powers, most obviously Pride and Gluttony, becoming absolutely ravenous and death to all that face her, and she is called in to devour entire planets and absorb their souls if there is no other way to save them from otherwise certain doom. They can then be extracted from her and given new bodies at some later date.

Giganta, from DC. Drawing on the more benign or ‘hey, being a baddie is just a job, y’know?’ takes of her. With a bit of the friendly valley girl vibes she had in the DCU!

Slade Wilson/Deathstroke and DEadpool: Considered as one unit here because this version of Deadpool is a flawed clone of Slade, who was a highly skilled super soldier for hire. The squad dealt with Deadpool’s frustrated actions his makers forced him to do, and subsequently recruited both Slade and Deadpool into their ranks, with the latter being treated as an obnoxious little brother to Slade. This Slade is heavily based on his Arrowverse actor, and Deadpool looks like a melted version thereof.

Any additional characters are, again, highly encouraged! Generally I’m looking for characters who were anti-heroes or reluctant villains at best (think Mr. Freeze types; ones that felt they had no choice and they made you REAl SAD) or you could see them regretting what they did and wanting to atone for it.

Generally speaking, these guys aren’t antagonists except in the most genuine sense; they might have opposing goals to the fleet, but they are more likely allies than not. Occasionally their purposes might run counter and a fight starts, and they should ideally be so skilled as to pose a serious threat to even the most extreme numbers.

I’m rather lacking in Sexy Lady-Types for this faction, so I especially welcome suggestions on that score. Send ‘em in, please!

[29k-tiger]

it’s bizarre revisiting an old memory that you’ve hidden far away in the abyss of your mind. it starts off unclear and unsteady, but give it enough time and it’ll play like a brand new record. 

You watch the story unfold.

It was the first “i love you’s”, the cheese platter accompanied with honey and edible delights. it’s the first bit of comfort when you’re sick with a cold and he describes your breathing pattern to be soothing like ocean waves crashing on the shoreline. it’s the mysterious ambience and indie melody humming into your ears while you mute the noisy chatter around you by washing down the very expensive spirit he ordered for you. And then, all at once, these memories collide so effortlessly like you and him in a buzzing surrounding of the living. It’s just you and him. Resting all day on a rainy Sunday with not a care in the world. Your fingers slow dancing on his body like he’s the only tangible thing on this planet. The soft kisses you wake him up to after hours of sleeping so peacefully in his arms. It’s the warmth of his breath on your neck that ignite fireworks in your chest.

 Walking into a museum for the first time in years, not sure what to expect but anticipating simplistic exposure to something different. The art sometimes too grand to find even words to describe. A sculpture lights up a dark room and wow you’ve just never been so captivated by a single moment in your entire life. He disappears into the shadows for a minute but when he returns you’ve never been so blissfully happy to see someone’s face again. 

It was playing basketball in your neighbourhood laughing endlessly, it was watching horror movies and trying to scare one another with random shouts or hiding behind walls when I blindly made my way to our bed, it was singing along to American Wedding on the drive home looking out at the sunset holding your hand and not wanting to let go. It was the 50$ meal we shamelessly devoured countless times and it was the cheap spicy wraps we shared while people watching attempting to guess their story. It was the picnic that again rekindled our love and it was the silly moments dancing at your friend’s apartment like we were straight out of a cheesy movie from the 50′s. It was walking outside during a colder october night sharing our thoughts on an anticipated album and it was goofing off at a park around 2 oclock in the morning. It was the moment we looked up at the stars together and it was the moment you looked at me in the eyes at our first speak easy talking about that yellow house in the foreign country you might consider home. There were an endless supply of moments that I would momentarily forget but never lose. There were an infinite amount of I love you’s that I wanted to share with you whenever I felt safe, whenever I felt that abundance of happiness and there were countless times I wished those amazing memories surpassed or exceeded the longing for something more. I’d never felt as more cliche as I did when I was helplessly in love with you. Nobody could begin to understand the meaning of those times spent together. I wish I could make sense of the negatives, of the things you weren’t willing to change. I eventually accepted it and moved on with my life. Nearly 3 months later and none of you had crossed my mind much at all. I was nauseated by the thought of becoming a pushover, and I could barely stomach it. I wasn’t hurt, angry, coping with any of the feelings I expected myself to have. I was numb and disconnected and genuinely happy that we’d forgotten about one another. You might not have been a genuine lover with me at all, I might have romanticized the entire relationship completely. Not a tear had been shed since our last goodbye. Tonight I revisited some of the old memories for the first time in weeks, and I wasn’t overwhelmed with any feelings but gratitude for how insanely real it all was to me. Because of who I was loving you, I again evolved and got even closer to the woman I always wanted to be. I’ve never felt so complete on my own. I never loved myself until you stopped loving me. All I can really think to describe the way I feel now is so thankful. so warm and so bright. I always admired the tigress I knew I was deep down inside, I always felt infatuated with the sunflower I use to be. I am more the sunflower, the tigress, the woman I always craved to be than I have ever imagined possible. I will continue to grow and surprise myself with each new obstacle, with each new moment, with each new experience. I will feel pretty amazing knowing where I was at now. If i’ve fallen, and I haven’t been able to climb out the steep hole I have found myself in times before, I want to remember this:

Loving yourself has never come easy, but it’s come a long way. You can be hard on yourself, critical to be a better version of yourself for the people around you. Realize that it’s not the surroundings that should ever influence who you are. There is an extraordinary amount of spontaneity and love and heart ache to come your way, but remain grounded in who you are. People might not understand you, people might not appreciate or recognize the strength in you. But you don’t need that anymore. You don’t seek validation from anyone but yourself because you light up a room when you smile and you mean it. You’re thriving when you kiss your own wounds and pick yourself back up without any assistance. You don’t rely on anyone but yourself anymore to feel complete and that is a milestone in the short span of time that you have lived on this planet. Remain humble and grateful for the hardships on the way. They will continue to push you to pursue a better life. You are not numb or fucked up or disconnected, you are safe and guarded and protecting yourself in ways you should for the rest of your life. You don’t need anyone to ever tell you that you are loved because I love you, as corny as it is to talk to myself in the second person lol (but about 3 quarters of this wasn’t to you it was to the first person you ever really loved) okay so thank you for reading this I hope this shines some perspective on whatever situation you might have going on in the future. 

[indigohour]

Exploring my First House

(via Time Nomad)

The first house

(via Astrology Zodiac Signs)

The first house is the basic connection we have to our body and the incarnation we are in at the moment. This is exactly why it is the most important window into our world of karmic debt and represents the level of ease or hardship we have to go through in order to evolve in this lifetime. If one has a challenge seen through planets set in the first house or its ruler, it becomes obvious that they have a task to resolve and a debt to repay while in this body. Each positive aspect, or a planet in its strong dignity, will speak of gifts we have gathered in previous lifetimes or through our family tree, whatever your chosen perspective.

The important thing to understand here is that there are no bad aspects or positions. Even though certain things can steal a lot of our energy, make us exhausted, depressed or weak, every challenge carries an enormous amount of energy released inside us once it is resolved. Fear of negative aspects simply means we have a lot left to learn, and we are not yet aware of the fact that we have already been living our challenges throughout our entire life.

(via Astrostyle)

Capricorn in 1st house

If someone’s Ascendant is set in the sign of Capricorn, they will be practical and turned to material issues and goals in life they feel they have to achieve. Depending on the positions of planets in this house and its ruler, they will be successful or challenged in their reach for a certain destination, defining whether or not they will be able to make a plan they can follow. This can be a sign that speaks of a heavy cross that needs to be carried, just as it can speak of a practical individual able to recognize the use in everything that happens in their life. Strong and stiff, these people often have a spasm to attend to, problems with their spine and bones, or their faith in God and their relation to religion. Their biggest challenge is to find understanding and compassion for those that are weak, overly sensitive or strongly emotional. Their ruler is Saturn.

(via Astrology Club)

Your sense of self is rooted in your ability to achieve your goals and ambitions. Your public and/or professional status and reputation are very important to you, and you do everything you can to present yourself as successful and accomplished as possible.

Tangible results are important to you, and you may find that you define yourself by your acquisition of such trophies as fame, fortune, authority, and/or elite status. Even if you don’t put them on public display yourself, you enjoy the confidence that comes with knowing that you have proof of having earned your status and stature.

The basic nature of Capricorn is to be conservative, reserved. It is known as the introvert sign of the zodiac. The karmic responsibility of Capricorn is the development of the personality that reflects its identification with the mainstream of life itself. The Capricorn personality must be one which creates a feeling of confidence by others.

Capricorn does represent entombment, the cave, and is indicative of the quality of Capricorn in which there is much kept within – there isn’t the extrovert quality. The Capricorn can resurrect itself by becoming more of an extrovert in life. There is a magnetism to the personality of Capricorn which invites people to turn to the Capricorn and unburden themselves. However, Capricorn tends to fence itself in, not allow others to intrude on the privacy of the Capricorn, the non-involvement aspect of the sign.

Uranus in 1st house

(via The Astro Codex)

Having Uranus in the 1st house makes a person rather eccentric; these people yearn for freedom and rebel against the stereotypes imposed by their society, religion, and traditions. They can become pioneers of great changes, and when assisted by other aspects they can have genius minds. Such individuals usually have turbulent lives full of unexpected events and are strongly interested in technology.

They have a natural curiosity about the progress in computers and electronics, and simply love getting involved with every new gadget that is produced. Many of them will get a lot deeper in gadgets; they will not only learn how to use them but also how to repair them. For them, the way that electricity, data and the internet function is of the most interesting things that exist.

Such natives appear eccentric to the masses, and this is usually amplified by the weird style and clothing that they choose for their appearance. Most of the times, the reason behind such a personal style is their conscious resistance to fashion and stereotypes. A first house Uranus living in a conservative society would have an extreme appearance; while when living in a society where the extreme is natural, they would choose to dress simply and conservatively. They do not care so much about putting taste in how he looks like; unless of course their natal Uranus is somehow connected with Venus.

Individuals with such a placement are rather aggressive and can have outbursts of anger when pressured or feeling jailed. They adore shocking the world around them; demolishing taboos and revolting is for them a hobby that even brings joy. They are drawn to the paranormal, and many of them either believe or research Astrology, the Occult and other schools of spiritual thoughts.

They care about the society and are frequently very altruistic. Their revolutionary character can lead them into politics; usually towards groups and parties that are against the system. Such a placement of Uranus creates the activist, and there are high possibilities of joining life-long causes in order to change the society. A person with Uranus in the 1st house should be careful not to become overly fanatic; there is a thin line between fighting for a change and getting into violent behaviors only for the sake of letting your inner anger explode.

First house Uranus natives adore company and fun; socializing in groups is one of their favorite things in life. Deep inside them, there might be a hidden solitude, as they know that their radical differences from all the others create barriers. Nevertheless, we are entering the epoch of Aquarius and the whole humanity is obtaining Uranian characteristics. The weirdos of the past will be the average human beings of tomorrow, so even if you don’t have such a placement in your chart, you will more or less evolve as if you have it. All of us will; it is the natural path of our human race.

(via Cafe Astrology)

Uranus in the first house alters the way an individual projects personal energies onto others. You are likely to seek, nay demand, freedom in the way you present yourself to the world. Dressing simply but quirkily, you will have no problems in asserting yourself. You are not shy in letting everyone know where you stand on issues. In fact you take pride in presenting your unique perspective. “I am a simple soul with few wants and needs,” is what you tell yourself. All you can feel is an altruistic desire to change the world! Friends and relatives probably find you a trifle erratic. They know you to be good-hearted and genuine about your feelings. Your passions rise fast and you lose interest at the same rate.

Neptune in 1st house

When Neptune is located in the first house of a native, its ethereal nature opens the gates of the other realms, making the person very sensitive to everything around them. They use osmosis for perceiving reality and is a very strong receptor, an antenna that can receive literally everything that is near his personal sphere (or even not near). This is a double-edged knife as it can give enormous abilities but also weakens their defense towards negative influences from their surroundings.

An important advice before we continue about the traits the mysterious planet can gift: people with such a placement should be very careful with drugs, alcohol and any substance that can furthermore blur their already liquid reality. Neptune itself is creating a personality that is stepping with only one leg to the ground, so misuse of substances might totally disconnect someone from the common reality. If Neptune is only positively aspected and shielded by strong planets, then experimenting will not harm the native but rather enhance their ability to understand the thin web of how the universe functions. Nevertheless, any usage should be under control and they should never allow themselves to get hooked on any kind of dependent substance. Individuals that have adverse aspects from Mars, Pluto, Saturn and Uranus should not even try to experiment. They are very prone to substance abuse, and such kind of behaviors might awaken/create mental illnesses and psychological problems.

The main characteristic that Neptune in the 1st house gives is magnetic and mysterious eyes. They are so different than most other eyes, that it is frequently easy to tell who has this placement. They look out-worldly, piercing and secretive; people with such a placement are some of the most difficult to be read through their eyes. You cannot understand when they are lying, and they do not betray what their mind is thinking that moment. Usually, they are green blue or gray, and they give a feeling as if the person is not looking at you in your eyes but rather focusing some centimeters behind them.

Such kind of people can have great abilities of hypnosis, their penetrative look can easily mesmerize. This ability is enhanced when Neptune is supported by trines or sextiles from Jupiter, Pluto, the Sun or the Moon. The light of each of these planets is reflected by Neptune and projected to the outer world, granting even more power in their gaze. Neptune acts as a mystical mirror; other people can easily perceive them as having any of these planets in the first house. Neptune is the planet of masquerade. No one can understand who exactly the person with Neptune in the 1st house is. Even more, the other people project themselves in the mirroring presence of such a native and tend to believe that he has the same characteristics as themselves.

Neptune is by no means the most stable planet. Having it in the house of Self can blur one’s goals. Such a native might not have concrete aims for his life, thus acting unreliably and preferring roaming around without a reason or a structured plan. This does not mean he does not enjoy it; it can create a very happy bohemian, a bon viveur, a flaneur of life. His life might be extremely interesting and full, yet without the stability that other people prefer to have around them. They usually have vivid dreams, many of which are prophetic. A lot of them can develop abilities of clairvoyance, however, with Neptune in the 1st house, these abilities might not be easily controlled and tamed. The planet is too misty to be fully understood, even astrologers have a hard time understanding its effects in a natal chart. Their childhood was floating in fantasies and they usually build their own fantasy world around them. If they have good writing abilities through other planets positions in their chart, they can become amazing fantasy/science/mystery fiction writers.

Natives with Neptune in the 1st house are often confused about their identity. They constantly daydream, can live inside book/series characters and even copy a lot of their characteristics. They have hard time establishing a self-definition; they actually do not care about it. Being fluid is something they like, and there are frequent changes in their personality. They are sponges with endless capacity, so their character is constantly evolving to something different. They will have a lot of spiritual experiences in their life, and many unexplained things will happen to them. As their gates of perception are more open than the rest of people, they attract supernatural phenomenas.

Individuals with Neptune in the 1st house should also be careful not to be hypnotized by mischievous people who can use them. As we already mentioned, their widely opened gates have less defense towards external influences. Also, they should diminish the feelings of guilt as much as possible; they tend to take on their back the guilt for anything bad happening in the world. In addition, they have a tendency of trying to become saviors or even martyrs for the others. If they keep low on these traits, they can save themselves from many trouble, as it will be a lot more difficult for other people to use them. Altruism is great, but one must always take care of himself instead of taking care of the others only. This way, they will indeed be able to help and serve others in a correct way.

When a first house Neptune has other people around him, they can easily understand others’ feelings. When entering a café, they can feel people’s thoughts, so it is necessary to keep away from places with negative energy or psychic vampires. Once every three or four days, it is wise to pass a day away from masses of people, to regenerate the personal energy and get cleaned from others’ psychic influences. This will help the person to also self-determine their existence because when he is frequently surrounded by masses his subconscious is overly-copying characteristics and patterns that are not his own.

Music is extremely important for people with Neptune in the 1st house, as well as anything artistic. Neptune in the first house does not grant some artistic ability by itself; he creates the appreciator of other’s art. People with such a placement can become great art critics. Their body needs more sleep than most other people; they tend to be weak of physical strength even if they have an athletic figure. In physical battles, they have the tendency to surrender or run, unless some strong planet like Mars or Pluto supports the passive Neptune. In addition, they are more prominent than others to develop confusing and rare chronic illnesses or to discover an illness that they already have.

(Via Cafe Astroogy)

Neptune’s position by house in the natal chart (that is, the house that Neptune occupies in the birth chart) reveals an area of life where we tend to ignore or avoid reality. We attach spirituality to the areas of life ruled by the house. Often, we chase dreams and illusions in these areas of life.

When trying to understand some of the effects of Neptune on the affairs of the house that Neptune occupies, it is helpful to think of the following example: if two people have decided to split the cost of an item, and that item is five dollars, what would they do if nobody had any coins? The Neptune person would insist on paying three dollars, and let the other person pay only two; and the Neptune person would insist that the other individual never pay him back. This is a simplistic example, but it is illustrative of the character of Neptune. Wherever Neptune is in your chart, that is where you cut others a better deal than you do yourself. This, obviously, doesn’t always have to do with material goods. You cut others slack, often at the your expense, in this area of life; you are trusting and idealistic.

You might express yourself artistically, and come across as gentle, sensitive, and dreamy, especially if Neptune is close to the Ascendant (within 10 degrees). You are extremely sensitive to your environment. Others tend to see whatever they want to see in you, and you thus can come across very differently to different people. You might tend to encourage this, even without knowing. Your appearance and mannerisms tend to be chameleon-like. You are a peace-loving person. While you don’t come on strong, you can be subtly alluring and intriguing. Others can be drawn to you and feel that you understand them. You can be moody and your first reaction to problems might be to escape or to feel sorry for yourself, or helpless. You may not feel a strong sense of identity and struggle with your own impressionability. Like a sponge, you absorb the moods of others. Your imagination is powerful. You have an easygoing manner – a “what will be, will be” approach to the world.