#//logged on and ready to do more stuff on here today!

[mechahero]

“Y’know, the next time I say I wanna sleep in, stop me.”

[pickingupmymercedes]

London Boy - Lewis Hamilton

Part of 1K Jukebox Event

song: London boy - Taylor Swift

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

genre: fluff and christmassy

a/n: I just had to incorporate Christmas into this, London comes alive.

wordcount: +2k

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

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It started innocently enough: a quiet morning with the smell of the coffee I was sipping, my mind half-heartedly scrolling through some of yesterday’s work emails and Roscoe sprawled at my feet, living his best bulldog life.

I had a plan—a simple one really—to find the Christmas decorations buried somewhere in Lewis’s London townhouse and get a head start before I had to log on for work. Simple, right?

Wrong.

The first box I opened contained a jumble of outdoor lights that had more knots than my last relationship.

The second? A single, lonely stocking with "Lewis" stitched in glittery red thread. Roscoe, perched nearby, watched me with the kind of judgment only a dog could muster, as if to say, This isn’t going to cut it.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I muttered, tugging at a particularly stubborn tangle in the excuse of a tinsel. “It’s not my fault your dad doesn’t know how to Christmas.”

“Please tell me there’s more,” I muttered, sifting through the pile.

Ten minutes later, I had exactly one usable string of lights and even those were iffy. Roscoe tilted his head, his expression unreadable but clearly unimpressed. “C’mom, you live part time here too, buddy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lewis’s voice floated in from the doorway, and I turned to find him leaning against the frame, still sweaty from his morning workout.

I gestured dramatically at the underwhelming collection of decorations spread across the living room. “This. Where’s the rest of it?”

He raised an eyebrow. “The rest of what?”

“Your Christmas stuff! You’re telling me this—” I held up the sad, glitter-bald stocking. “—is all you’ve got?”

“Well…” He scratched the back of his neck, clearly trying to figure out the least incriminating way to answer. “I’m not usually home in December.”

“That’s not an excuse.” I folded my arms. “Where are the ornaments? The lights? The reindeer?”

“You mean the inflatables?” he asked, his mouth twitching into a smile. “Yeah, I don’t do that.”

“You can’t be serious,” I said, holding up the tinsel like it was a crime scene. “Where’s the Target around here?”

Lewis smirked, crossing his arms. “You’re painfully American, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me for wanting to salvage your dignity,” I shot back, though I couldn’t help smiling.

“Okay, no Target,” he said, crossing the room and taking a seat beside Roscoe, who immediately shifted to rest his head on Lewis’s lap. “But if you really want to do it right, I’ll show you how Londoners do Christmas. No plastic snowmen required.”

“What have you got in mind?” I said, eyeing him suspiciously. “I need to work in a couple of hours”

He stood, dusting off his hands. “Call in sick, it’s an emergency apparently."

By the time we were ready to leave, Roscoe was snoring in his dog bed, having made it very clear he actually had no interest in braving the London chill for a day of wandering. “I’ll make it up to you later, buddy,” I promised, scratching his ears. “Extra cuddles tonight. Deal?”

He snorted but didn’t open his eyes, which I took as a yes.

“Ready?” Lewis called from the living room, where he was lounging on the sofa, scrolling through his phone.

He was wearing a black hoodie under a long coat, a beanie pulled low over his curls, and a pair of sneakers so understated they were practically anonymous. It was a far cry from his usual fashion statements, and I couldn’t help but grin.

“Look at you, blending in,” I teased, grabbing my coat.

“Laugh all you want,” he said, standing and holding out his hand. “But I’d like to get through today without anyone noticing me.”

He could’ve passed for any handsome Londoner with his toned-down attire and hands stuffed casually in his pockets. I, however, couldn’t help feeling like I had a flashing neon sign over my head reading: Not local.

We opted for the ‘tube’ over driving, partly because Lewis claimed it was faster and partly because he knew arriving in a Maybach was bound to attract attention.

But as we descended into the tube station, I noticed his posture shift slightly. He was alert, scanning the crowd with the ease of someone used to blending in but always watching for that one double-take.

“Do people ever stop you on the streets?” I asked, glancing around as we boarded the train.

“Not as often as you’d think,” he said, keeping his voice low and pulling me closer under the guise of adjusting my scarf. “Just don’t want us to get stopped.”

As the train rattled along, I found myself relaxing. A few people glanced our way, but no one seemed to recognize him—or if they did, they were polite enough not to say anything.

It was also midmorning, the kind of lull between commuter rushes where everyone seemed too distracted to care about celebrity sightings.

As the train rocked gently along the tracks, I caught Lewis studying the map on the wall, his brow furrowed like he hadn’t ever lived here.

“You lost already?” I teased, nudging him lightly.

“Not lost. Just making sure I don’t get us there too quickly. You wanted the experience, right?”

I rolled my eyes but smiled, leaning into his side as he draped an arm around my shoulders. Maybe I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but there was something comforting about being here with him, about how easy it felt to slip into this little bubble where the world didn’t exist for a while.

It was new—this whole “official couple” thing—but moments like this made it feel like it had always been.

Leadenhall Market was straight out of a storybook. The arched glass ceiling, the twinkling lights strung across shopfronts, and the faint scent of mulled wine in the air made it feel like Christmas had been bottled and poured out onto the cobblestones. It was a world away from the glossy, commercial buzz of a Target holiday aisle, and I had to admit—it was enchanting.

“I might give it to you” I said as we stepped into the main thoroughfare. “This is better than Target.”

Lewis grinned, shoving his hands deeper into his coat pockets. “Told you. Now, for some real decorations…”

“Okay, what’s the strategy here?” I asked, holding onto his arm as we wove through the crowd. “Do we start with ornaments or lights?”

“Lights,” he said without hesitation. “You’re going to be picky about ornaments. I can already tell.”

“You’re not wrong,” I admitted. “I have a vision.”

He laughed, and I felt a warm glow in my chest.  But the first stall that caught my eyes had a mix of antique ornaments and handmade crafts and I couldn’t help but stop.

Lewis crouched down to inspect a hand-painted bauble featuring Big Ben in a snowy London scene, holding it up for me to see.

“This one?” he asked.

“Cute, but I had something else in mind” I replied, scanning the table. My eyes landed on a set of ceramic stars painted in gold and white, each with a different constellation. “Now these are something else.”

He followed my gaze, his expression softening as he picked one up. “The stars, huh?”

“Don’t get all poetic on me,” I teased, nudging his arm. “I just think they’re classy.”

“Classy works” he said, adding the set to our growing pile of treasures.

By the time we left the market, my tote bag was overflowing with ornaments, candles, and a small wreath I’d insisted on for the front door. We found a cozy café tucked into one corner of the market, where Lewis ordered me something he swore was divine

“Yule log?” I asked inspecting what looked a lot like a mini jelly roll

“Just try it, it’s a lot more chocolaty than you’re giving it credit” He quipped, watching me intently as steam curl up from the tea cup in his hand.

“I could get used to this” I admitted after the first couple of bites

He leaned back in his chair, his beanie pushed up slightly as he regarded me with a contented smile. “Markets and pastries? Or me indulging your Christmas obsession?”

“Both,” I said, lifting my latte in a mock toast.

The Southbank Centre Winter Market was our next stop, and as we strolled along the Thames, the city lights reflecting off the water, I realized how much I loved this less flashy and slower side of London.

Couples and family walked hand-in-hand, vendors called out their wares, and the air smelled of roasted chestnuts.

“This is pretty nice” I murmured, leaning into Lewis’s side.

“Even without a Target?” he teased.

“Even without a Target.”

At one stall, he insisted I had to try Hot Toddy, a hot drink that tasted a lot like something my grandma made me as a kid to soothe coughing, only a lot stronger considering the Scottish whiskey used.

We wandered past stands selling everything from handmade soaps to quirky holiday jumpers. One vendor offered personalized tree ornaments, and I couldn’t resist commissioning one with both our names on it.

“It’s our first Christmas together” I explained when Lewis raised an eyebrow.

“Officially” he corrected, his tone light but meaningful.

I smiled, squeezing his hand. “You know what I meant”

Being here with him, like this, made me realize how much we’d grown into this new version of us. It wasn’t always smooth—nothing with Lewis ever was—but that’s what made it worth it. He wasn’t just letting me into his world; he was building one with me.

The day ended a lot closer to his house in Chelsea. Hyde Park Winter Wonderland was bustling, with strings of fairy lights crisscrossing the paths, and the distant hum of carnival rides mixed with the strains of Christmas carols from a nearby stage.

Lewis hesitated as we walked through the entrance, glancing around the bustling crowd.

“You okay?” I asked, noting the slight tension in his posture.

“Yeah,” he said after a moment. “It’s just… busy. You know how it is.”

I nodded, understanding. Being out in public like this was a delicate balance for him—trying to enjoy the moment while always being aware of who might be watching.

But as we moved further into the park, the magic of the place seemed to ease his nerves. He pulled his hood up a bit higher, keeping his hand securely in mine as we navigated the crowd.

At one point, we stopped to watch a street performer of this Christmas carol. Lewis’s features were light and carefree, and I found myself watching him more than the act itself.

There was something about the way his face softened in the glow of the lights that made my chest ache in the best way.

“Caught you staring,” he said, catching my eye.

“Shut up,” I muttered, trying to hide my smile taking another a sip of my hot chocolate.

“Can’t blame you,” he teased, leaning down to murmur in my ear. “I’ve been told I’m irresistible.”

I rolled my eyes, but my reaction betrayed me as I leaned closer into his embrace

As we walked deeper into the park, I noticed it—the way Lewis’s shoulders relaxed, his hood slipping back just slightly, letting the lights catch the edges of his profile. This wasn’t a side of him I often saw in public, and I felt a quiet kind of privilege in witnessing it.

We ended the night at one of the quieter corners of the park, sharing a massive pretzel while perched on a bench overlooking the ice-skating rink. The laughter of skaters echoing around us.

“This was a good day,” I said softly, resting my head against his shoulder.

“I’ve spent so many late Novembers in hotels or on planes. Christmas always felt like something other people did. The decorations, the markets… it just didn’t stick. But with you here? It matters again.” he said, his voice low as he moved from watching the skaters to pressing a kiss to the side of my head, his arm wrapping around me. “Next year, I’ll even brave Target.”

“This might actually be better” I admitted softly.

Lewis chuckled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Only ‘might’?”

“Don’t push it,” I warned, though I couldn’t help smiling.

He smirked, pulling me closer. “Told you. London knows how to do Christmas.”

And I couldn’t argue with that.

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[webslingingslasher]

would make peter go camping with me because he’s head over heels in love and also he’s strong (spider man duh) and then i’d just be like :) the whole time (i’d totally ask him to pick up heavy logs and stuff just because)

everytime i go camping i wish i had a peter parker

“Don’t forget that log, looks like a good one!” 

Peter looks up at his girlfriend sitting in her green rocking camping chair, a cold can of alcohol in her hand, he can’t decipher if it’s a white claw or miller light based on the distance. The other points to his left, the setting sun hits the crown of her head and dances over her features, for a moment he forgets how to breathe and takes a lopsided inhale. 

It was your idea to take him camping, you were the master. You grew up doing it and always talked about it, always swore you’d take Peter and give him the glamping experience. You set up the trip as an anniversary gift, and Peter doesn’t think he’ll enjoy it half as much as you but seeing you so happy makes him match it. 

Peter’s hand cups over his forehead to look at you in the sun, “awfully demanding today, aren’t we?” 

He’s not wrong, you have been bossing him around the whole time. But, it’s your favorite activity and he was doing it, and you’ve been together long enough that he’s not doing it because camping will be his new hobby, but because you love it and it makes you happy. 

And his red flannel looked awfully lumberjack like on him, his biceps straining the fabric when he moved totes from your car full of heavy accessories. It got even better when you made him help you set up the tent, you gave light instructions and worked on your side but got distracted when your boyfriend crouched on one knee and had his tongue poked out the corner of his mouth as he focused on connecting the poles. 

You were left scrambling when his eyes shot to yours waiting for you to finish your half, he didn’t catch onto your greed. “I thought you’ve done this before, slow poke.” 

Struggling, his side full of tension, “I didn’t know it was a race.” 

It got worse when Peter noticed your struggle and came to pull your side taut, his back flexing under his down vest.

You nearly slingshotted the tent into the woods. 

“Here, baby. I got it.” Peter placed the rest of the poles and you were able to catch your breath in time to hammer the stakes in. You rest your fists on your hips as you look up at the sky, due to flooding in the main roads it had taken a bit longer than you expected, night was approaching. 

“We don’t have a lot of daylight left, you wanna grab some firewood and I’ll finish setting up camp?” 

Did you give him the man's job? Yes. 

Logs were heavy, plus bugs crawled all over them and not to mention the splinters. 

You had the camp ready in ten minutes, leading you to relax in your camping chair watching your ripped boyfriend trot back and forth from the campsite with handfuls of stems and logs. At first the tugged a fallen tree over to you which sent you running towards him pushing at his chest to throw him back in the woods whisper shouting.

“That’s not even remotely funny, Peter! Do you know what will happen if a park ranger catches you? They have eyes everywhere.” 

Peter rolled his eyes, “I dragged it like, ten steps.” 

You shoo him, “back it up ten, and get real campfire wood. I’ll get some fire starter.” 

Thus led you to watching with a careful eye and directing him, you’ve done this a million times and now you have someone else to do it, who also happens to be your super hot, loving boyfriend. 

“Love you, honey!” You called out the praise, hoping it would erase your demands from his mind. It works, he blows you a kiss and picks up the wood you called out for. He’s gotten more than enough for the night, and you stand before gesturing to your seat. 

“Take her for a ride, mama’s gonna make you a fire.” 

Careful eyes watched you, you could sense that Peter was ready to jump up and save you from a swallowing fire at any second. You talked through the process and into the night, where you then had Peter make you every s’more you wanted. 

Peter likes being out of the city and loves being around you with no distractions. 

He doesn’t think he minds camping half as much as he thought he would. 

Until you wake him up at three in the morning and ask, no, force him to get out of bed to walk into the woods with you so you could pee. You squatted behind a tree and had your arm wrapped around to the other side where it intertwined with your boyfriends. 

“Okay, turn around.” 

Too scary. 

“Wait, let me hold your hand.” 

Too quiet.

“Can you hum or something?” 

It is currently three in the morning and Peter is in the middle of the woods, back to a tree with his arm twisted wonky to hold hers, and he’s humming the star wars intro but can still hear you stream clearly and won’t tell you.

“Okay, done.” 

Your boyfriend fumbled with his waistline, his hand pulling it down swiftly. You get a peek of his lower half and squeeze your eyes shut, your hands cover them on instinct. “Yuck!” 

Peter has no regard, proudly pissing inches from you. 

“What, I have to hold your hand and sing and you can’t stand here?” 

“I’m in the splash zone!” 

“Oi! I’m aiming away, I’m not a mongrel.” 

A snap of a branch, rustling of bushes sent the hair on your neck straight up. Normally you’d think it was a squirrel, it’s almost always a squirrel. But this sounded big, in an instant you jumped on Peter’s back, giving him no time to prepare and he was sent slightly stumbling while trying to tie his pajama pants back up. 

“It’s a fucking bear, is it a bear, can you smell if it’s a bear?” 

Peter hiked you further up his back and walked back towards your site, “it’s not a bear.” 

Your arms lock around his neck so tightly he has to tug at arm so you could loosen your hold, “it could be a bear and you’re trotting slowly.” 

“Baby, if a bear comes up and starts a fight, help the bear.” 

“‘Cause that bitch gon need it,” you grunt in his ear. He tapped your leg in appreciation to the reference. 

You yawned when you laid back down in the tent, shuffling a little closer to Peter than the first time. He can say what he wants, but you’re the woodsy person and you’d give your right arm on a bet that was a bear. 

Loud ruffling near your tent sends you clinging to your boyfriend. 

“It’s the bear.” Your words are almost mute with how quiet and slow you were speaking. 

Peter doesn’t even open his eyes, his arm opens and tugs you into him. “It’s not a bear.” 

Another branch snaps, you’re nearly on top of him, he grunts with the new weight on him. He doesn’t even need to see to know what you’re about to say. 

“It’s not a bear.” 

A lazy grin forms when he feels puffy air on his neck as you grumble, “it’s totally a bear.” 

[benjineedssleep]

even more stardew valley headcanons (the list goes on in endless fervor)

when will the headcanons end? never! when these characters are all you think about, you kinda don't run outta fuel XD

ALSO-- lots of sam today but we do have some special friends here. special friends as in alex and leah and harvey :3 almost forgot... pt 1 // pt 2

whimsigoth abby, grunge/midwest emo sam, scenemo sebastian. i rest my case. sebastian's style varies the most out of the trio. he can go from merely jeans and a hoodie, to a million accessories, to a more dressy outfit with loose button ups and slacks. the latter only when he's feeling Extra Pretty though. (tbh he's always pretty to me. he's a pretty boy...) abby, on the other hand, really loves the style, but is more often than not dressed down because of her general messy/down to earth nature. her true style is pretty much saved for special events and gatherings and even then she can still get down and out (further tearing her stockings, mesh shirts, and any lace she has on). sam's the chillest and most consistent of the bunch with a copy-paste kinda style. he can just go in his closet and pull something out and it'll (probably) match whatever he pulls out next. makes it real easy on his already frazzled brain.

sam's extremely confident when he likes someone until his actions can no longer be passed off as platonic or you know how he feels. at that point, all of the confidence leaves his body. he starts rambling, can't get his thoughts out, and will probably stare blankly (super flustered at that) if you flirt back. it always takes him a second to register that hey, they feel the same but once he does, he's back on his bullshit. he's too big of a touchy feely fool and lover boy to let his nerves get to him all of the time.

haley is a secret rock/metal enjoyer. she loves the girly pop music everyone thinks she's into (charli xcx, chappell roan, etc.) but she's also very much into heavier genres. when she's not yelling out her window for sam to stop blasting music or practicing so loud, she's getting ready for the day secretly enjoying what he plays. her favorite days are when sebastian's over and gets to choose the music.

branching off of that, haley and sebastian are definitely concert buddies. one day he mentions he has plans to see one of his favorite local post-hardcore/metalcore bands and haley is like "SEBASTIAN, BABE, CAN I COME WITH???" and sebastian gets absolute whiplash. after much begging, he let's her tag along and is baffled at how much control she has in platforms in the pit. she genuinely invokes the fear of yoba into 6ft men and has created safe spaces for other girls to mosh due to her immense aura LOL

leah introduces alex to tofu for the first time when she makes a dish for one of the festivals/feasts and he's intrigued by it. she explains to him all the finer details (alex latching onto the high protein part) and even gives him a few recipes to try. while he does make and enjoy the recipes leah shared with him, he often elects to eat the stuff straight from the package. he'll only eat it with a sauce after evelyn catches him inhaling it plain and is horrified.

alex and sam would totally be friends, i don't make the rules. i bet they bond over shitty jokes and showing off all their battle scars from sports and being irresponsible (e.g. having zero coordination and falling off curbs, logs, etc.) as kids. sam takes the cake for battle scars and anytime alex finds a new one he tacks it onto a terribly kept mental list like it's a competition. and speaking of competitions, everything is a competition between those two. some of them even end up leading to new battle scars--

robin has a bit of a temper (canon, i know, keep reading) and one of the ways you can tell sebastian and maru are her kids is by their tempers. maru's the least easily triggered, but only because she can tolerate a lot. once the threshold is crossed, though, she can and will snap. robin's the middle ground, often passive aggressive instead of outright mean or aggressive. sebastian's obviously at the very top. he has next to no patience for bullshit but, as touched on in a previous post (linked up top), his lack of control over his own emotions blows a whole lot of minor shit out of proportion.

speaking of maru, i don't think she swears! she's very particular with her word choice and, honestly, the shit she says can sting a lot more than name calling. with her more pacifistic outlook on life, when she does say mean things, it's purposeful and the truth. unless she's joking around. but that's also scary. she only comes out of her shell a bit with playfully mean humor when her and sebastian start getting along better. "i hate you" and "you suck" and annoyed grumbling becomes a whole ass part of her personality because of him XD

not sure if i've mentioned this but sebastian 100% curses around robin. usually it's when he's frustrated, so she doesn't mind, but she won't tolerate it if the energy is directed at any given person (or living thing in general). he does avoid cursing around demetrius but only 'heavy' stuff like fuck or shit. hecks, hells, and damns are almost always okay. sebastian's a dick though and will sometimes substitute a random thing that sounds a lot like a 'heavy' swear just to watch demetrius get tense. "what the frog" is a fan favorite and makes both robin and maru laugh.

neither sam nor abby curse in front of either of their parents. caroline and pierre already think abby's a bit too... different so she tries to uphold whatever remaining 'good girl' standard she can. sometimes it slips but they tend to forget about it in a week. sam, on the other hand, finds it insanely amusing how his mother reacts to vincent trying to swear (see previous post) and will sometimes egg him on, but won't swear himself. he feels immense shame when he accidentally swears around jodi specifically but around any 'adult' in his life too.

i have no idea how i haven't mentioned this yet but sam is totally the type to do his own piercings. it's a random skill he has and he'll do them for other people if they want. he's only okay with certain stuff though and will say no to seemingly simple stuff if he feels any kind of way about doing it. (the rest of this point is totally a headcanon explicitly from my fic and its timeline so ignore it if you want.) i feel like maybe he learned the skill from the older sibling of a friend back in zuzu city. like he just hung around them in their shop enough and asked a ton of questions and learned about anatomy and stuff. it was probably a hyperfixation for a little while and he just hasn't forgotten anything.

on the topic of sam and body mods i feel like he'd have a couple of random stick and pokes. he treats them like stickers on his instruments and doesn't take them seriously at all. i bet he proposed an ass trio stick and poke where each of them tattooed a different symbol on each other's body. not sure what it would be but something everyone does super differently like stars or hearts. it was a silly thing at first but they definitely get them touched up at a later point so they don't fade =( /pos

okay so i'm a firm believer in the ass trio + haley + alex (+ farmer, sometimes) friend group too. usually only when paired off as ships but even so they'd probably join the tattoo line up too if they're close enough. i do feel like ass trio would get a little weird about it since it would be so many years after their original tattoos and instead suffice for everyone having the same kinda thing. and it would be super dumb like a spoon or a shopping cart or something. so yeah, ass trio stick and pokes and then a separate big group matching tattoo hehe

sam is a trinket kinda guy. he likes those stupid little sticker and plastic jewelry machines at supermarkets, gashapon, claw machines, and spending $100 in an arcade for a $5 plushie. and while he'll sometimes keep his little prizes, i like to think he gets them for other people to show them he's always thinking about them/loves them. like a crow!

i feel like harvey is similar to sam with that, in a sense. but instead of being a trinket guy, he likes souvenirs. he's the kind of guy to get one specific thing from every place he goes. i have a family member that does this with hot sauce (don't ask lol) but i think harvey would be a mug kind of guy. he also does it with tiny toy planes if he can ever find them, but that's obviously not as common as a mug. omg first harvey headcanon on the list(s)? i'm diversifying? omg!

emily is a keychain girlie. i do not make the rules. this girl sees a cute keychain and she's snatching it up. even better if it's from a small business. she has so many that she ends up rotating the keychains on her lanyard (yes, she has a lanyard) to match whatever she's wearing. she's the kind of person that, if an art teacher/fashion professor, would jingle in the hallways. you can hear emily a mile away because of those keychains just like you can hear haley because of her heels and winter soldier ass stride.

good lord i have... so so SO much more but this is like... too damn long. i think the longest one too. i'll continue at a later point. and hopefully stray a little further away from ass trio next time too. i do love the other npcs, i swear. i just have brain rot DFISHADFLH

[corvid-language-library]

Still dealing with ED bullshit hence the whole "not very active on here" thing, but I'm still studying Japanese hard. I've started working through JLPT N3 vocab alongside playing Pokemon, reading manga and watching anime and I really feel like that active vocab study is helping me improve. I feel like every day I come across a kanji or a word or a grammar pattern I just studied!

Productive skills still leave a lot to be desired, but, well. I'm getting there. I'm much more willing to at least try now, even if my attempts frequently end in failure.

I want to get back on here. I want to go back to being a real person with hobbies and stuff. I want to share all my adventures and funny anecdotes with you guys. But I tend to log out of here because I don't want to accidentally post something triggering. I feel simultaneously like I'm letting people down for not posting and like I'm arrogant for thinking anyone would notice or care 🙄

Having an ED is fucking boring honestly, I have no energy and the little energy I do have seems to be spent doing fucking maths. I'm not ready to get help or try recovering yet though. I'm barely even willing to admit I have a problem, and I'm only really saying it here because I feel guilty for not posting (and honestly I just feel like I'm making excuses for being lazy. Except I'm not being lazy; I have no energy and I can't focus on shit because I'm not fucking eating enough, which I logically know).

Anyway. I hope everyone's doing well and I hope I can come back soon. I've made all the images for June's Norwegian WOTD posts and just need to write sample sentences and queue them up. It's not gonna happen today though, so they'll be coming a little late. I'm sorry about that.

[awesomegamer1]

Breaking Out

Pico, Darnell, and Nene were out walking on the landscape. They planned to meet BF and GF today. As they gently opened the door, the couple was missing.

"BF? Where are you? Old Pico is ready for a good old Rumble round!"

"Hey Nene, remind me why we are gonna do a rematch on NG Rumble?"

"Well, Darnell, I... I... I don't remember. The only thing I remember before this is this weird stuff on our bodies and the only thing we thought of was meeting them."

"Something's not right here..."

The trio ventured on outside, where they saw a gray corpse with dry stuff on it.

"Water please."

Nene handed Darnell a bottle of water, which he poured on the dried corpse. The stuff turned into something familiar. As Pico touched it, he recognized the feeling. It was the same stuff that was on their bodies from last week!

"Holdup. This body seems to have something to do with us."

As he investigated, he found a journal labeled "log.txt". Upon opening it, a large rectangle resembling a computer window appeared in front of them.

"10/5/2020a - Where am I? What is this place? I need to know more about myself."

"10/5/2020b - This place is... interesting. A game called 'Friday Night Funkin'. This must be why I feel like I could sing and get down to the beat... huh... Downbeat... that's a cool name."

"10/6/2020 - The 3 inhabitants of this world are interesting. They want to sing, so I will sing. This can satiate my desire. I heard that there might be more soon as I overheard something about an orange-haired gunner and more."

"10/13/2020 - The AI are wearing me out from boredom. I saw those from the real world play much better and can be random."

"10/14/2020 - Claimed my first playmate - Bobby Friedkin. Sadly, the vessel test did not go well as I was forced to take his body in too."

At this, Darnell and Nene were shocked over the truth.

"S-so we are fake the whole time?"

"Empty vessels?"

"I knew we were fake the whole time, but I didn't expect us to be completely hollow."

"What do you mean, Pico?"

"I always knew we are just game characters. I have slight memories of being able to see the player in my battle against old Barry."

"Still, if we are fake and existed the whole time, why can't we remember anything?"

"Maybe it has something to do with him. How he died could be a clue."

As they read more, they learned about the tragedies of Morgana Melody, Danny Droop General John, and Spike and Point.

"11/1/2020 - I found two new playmates - Bonnie Freeman and Giles Fisher. They seem interesting."

"2/14/2021 - The best playmates I had, and they broke out from under my nose. Somehow, Boyfriend and Girlfriend were gone the moment they vanished. Hopefully I can find a replacement. Looks like Pico will do. I just have to rework it."

"Crime Record on 12/25/2021 - Downbeat for not paying taxes. With this, we have to punish him by law. With his persistent refusal, we had to put him down. - Slenderman, Haunted IRS."

As the trio looked at the logs, they came to a conclusion.

"That Bonnie and Giles... They stole our friends."

"Once we find them, they will pay with their wounds."

"We need to go to the real world. If they can take BF and GF there, then we can go there too."

The trio took a look at Downbeat's map and found that the gateway was somewhere in the old Dearest stage. As they investigated, they found a large passageway heading on upwards.

"So... got a plan?"

"Yes I do..."

A few minutes later, they were piloting a stolen Hominid spaceship.

"I didn't mean that, Nene! The Hominids hate us enough due to Otis, and now this!"

"Relax, Pico. We can kill them later. We must get our friends!"

The ship flew through the passage and was blocked by a barrier meant to keep what is digital inside.

"Come on! Break!"

Darnell set the weapons and thrusters to full power and kept pushing, causing the barrier to break and a light to summon them.

4/15/2022

"Reports are saying that for the past months, 3 cartoony characters have been seen murdering big-shot criminals in both the dark of the night and broad daylight. Here is a recording of a passerby encountering one of them."

"T-thanks for saving me. Who are you?"

"You don't recognize me? It's me, Pico!"

"Who?"

"Pico, the Newgrounds guy? Stopped a school shooter alien in 1999?"

"I thought you were from this FNF thing!"

"Seriously? That's my legacy now?!"

"It appears that these three resemble Pico, Darnell, and Nene, characters from the website Newgrounds. Tom Fulp has been questioned on this matter, but he claims that he has no idea on what is going on."

For @its-ya-girl-phoeni and @friday-night-fangirl.

[cherryc1nnam0n]

Thank you for calling...

Chapter 5: "Please help..."

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter summary: When you come back Wednesday to work you didn't expect the chaos that awaited for you

Cw: Angst, crying, Eddie is depressed, more technical terms, screaming, people being assholes

You woke up early the next day, dressing up with whatever you found and going to work, when you got there your co workers were waiting for you

"Did someone die?"

"Almost..." Luke said

"Your customer called all day yesterday, he seems to have issues"

"Oh shit"

You waited until it was 7 am, clocked in and got ready, waiting for him to call again, your heart was a knot, was he okay? Is he okay? Was he robbed? Did something bad happen?

All your doubts were answered at 7:08 am

Edward Munson High Risk Authenticated

"Good morning and thank you for calling National Bank, my name is Y/n, who do I have the pleasure of assisting today?"

You heard nothing, then a sniffle? Is he crying?

"Hello?"

"Eddie? Are you okay?" You broke character when you heard his broken voice

"S-sweetheart" he said

Your eyes watered, you never heard him like this, he must be so sad

"W-what can I help you with?" Your voice trembled

"Y/n I-" he sobbed "I got robbed, someone emptied my account, I had 450 dollars saved for food and stuff and they're gone!"

You went into his account and saw it all

-356.90 Apple.com

-5.46 Amazon.com

-222.87 Uber

Available Balance -585.23

"Oh gosh, Eddie it's okay we'll fix this okay?"

"How will you fix this?! I was robbed! I don't use Apple, I don't even have an iPhone! I never buy shit from the internet and I have my own van so I don't use Uber! Y/n I'm fucked! I'm so fucked!"

"Eddie it's okay let's calm down and breathe okay? Breathe with me, inhale and exhale"

He did as you told him to and calmed down a little, he was still crying but now he wasn't yelling anymore

"I'm sorry for screaming at you" he said sobbing "But I really needed that money"

"I know Eddie, trust me I understand you, so I'm gonna help you okay? Now I need to contact disputes so they can file a claim on this, and your money will be back okay?"

"Really?" He had hope in his voice

"Yes, really"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome, nos stay on the line for me, I'll be right back"

You placed him on hold and called disputes

"Good morning and thank you for calling National Bank, my name is Michelle, how can I help you?"

"Hi this is Y/n from Hawkins"

"Oh hi Y/n, how are you?"

"I'm fine, you?"

"I'm doing great, what is your employee number?"

"It's xxxxxx"

"Last name?"

Y/l/n"

"Supervisor please"

"Joseph Quentin"

"Thank you, and how can I help?"

"My customer has transactions he doesn't recognize"

"I'll be more than glad to help, what's his social?"

"xxxxxxxxx, his name is Edward Munson, likes to be called Eddie only"

"Great, thanks, one moment"

You heard her typing on her computer and then she spoke again

"Which ones are they?"

"Apple, Amazon and Uber"

"I see them, you can put him through I'll be more than happy to help"

"Thanks"

You put all of you in conference and you heard him son again

"Hey Eddie, thanks for waiting in the line, I'm here with Michelle she'll take over the call and give you further assistance, thank you for being a valued-"

"Wait you're leaving?"

"Yes I'm sorry but she has to do her job and so do I-"

"Please don't go Y/n I can't-"

"Alright I'll take it from here, thank you Y/n you can leave now"

You huffed quietly

"Goodbye Eddie"

"No, no-"

You hung up the call leaving them alone, you couldn't stay on that call even if he begged you to, it's the rules

You sat back, placed yourself on After Call Work and cried a little

"Hey, hey, hey what's wrong?" Randall, one of the floor support people came to you "Are you okay?"

You shook your head "N-no..."

"Come on, let's go"

He logged you off and took you out to talk

Let's just say the day sucked...

~•~

A/n: I couldn't help myself so yes more angst! Eddie will be okay don't worry! Thanks for all the love <3

Taglist: @bbyhargrove @mystars123 @tiannamortis @kjaxm @eddiethesexy @kickstart-myheart-sixx @aftermidnightwriting @bratckerman

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Chapter 21 of Chained: To Wield The Blade We Have Forged

A/N: This chapter is stephcass focused enough that I think people might enjoy this as a standalone thing, so I'll be posting the chapter both on AO3 as usual, and right here in this post! This also connects to the reblog I wrote up the other night gushing about Batgirl (2000) #19 and the potential in a Cass vs Jason confrontation!

For this chapter only, NOT the whole fic: Rated T for Teen Ships are Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain and vaguely hinted at Jason Todd/Tim Drake There's gonna be a LOT of plot points that don't seem to go anywhere, cause they're parts of much bigger arcs, but there's some really sweet talk about deep stuff towards the end and the start is Steph handling a deescalation scenario Hope you enjoy ^w^ !

Dear War Diary,

You know, some days I don't even think Ivy should be in Arkham. Logging, pollution, hair spray tearing a hole in the ozone layer, pesticides - if I could feel plants' pain as they were broken apart, I'd want to feed people to ambulatory venus fly traps too. Heck, back in high school I was sure tempted to let her have at some of my more obnoxious classmates.

Unfortunately, today was not one of those days.

We knew something was weird this time around when the docs at Arkham called warning us that she woke up screaming and her powers went out of control. Usually when this sort of thing happens she goes towards a clear goal. Like, there'll be a construction site or a factory or something damaging the land and drawing her out.

Thing is though, the more we chased her, the clearer it became that she wasn't running towards anything.

She was fleeing, and seemingly had no clear place to bolt to. First she fled to the meat packing district. Then she ran down to the water, and like, we expected her to follow the coast? But she just swam right in! Left huge algal blooms in her wake too; like the lacy train of a queen's dress. She even left Gotham altogether for a hot minute only to turn back again for no reason. She was very obviously out of her mind frightened of something, but we had no idea what it was, and frankly, we still don't.

Tonight had real big 'predator running from the wildfire' energy, is what I'm saying.

It took several days, but eventually she gave up on running and bunkered down in one of the parks. The concrete storage shed she picked as her new home was so overgrown by the time we got to it that it was impossible to see a single square inch of the structure. The hardwood and thorn vines covering it had to have been at least a meter thick.

And that little backstory finally brings us to tonight's patrol.

I tapped my earpiece, "We getting anything on the seismic, O?"

"Nope. If she's digging she's doing it slow enough we're not gonna get any warning. Good news though, I finally got an answer back from Waller. Harley Quinn can be on the line within ten minutes notice."

"Awesome. Speedy, you good to cover me?"

"Yup! Got a whole quiver full of tranquilizers and frog crotch arrows ready for her."

I snort-laughed, "God, what a name!"

"I know right?! But yeah, you're good to go. I'll be aiming from the East, so gimmie a sign if you think you'll need me at a different angle."

"Got it. Alright O, give that ten minute notice and I'll start the approach."

Step one: Get the cops to back up the perimeter by at least ten feet all around. Frankly they were gonna be useless in a fight if it came to that, and the whole goal here was to get this done without bloodshed.

This part was pretty damn easy. I knew one of the cops there by name and she was more than happy to back her fellow officers out of the negotiation zone.

Step two: Establish a desire for peaceful communication.

I spoke through a megaphone into the general direction of the tree-bunker, "Doctor Isley? Would you be willing to come out and talk?"

The woods creaked and groaned, shifting minutely. My heart pounded in my chest, waiting, watching, every leaf bud an acid spitting behemoth in the making.

Nothing came out.

I called out to her again, "Okay. Doctor Isley, you seem really upset, and we don't understand why, but you haven't hurt anyone yet so we're not going to hurt you."

I glanced around surreptitiously at the cops. Lucky for me they all seem to be on their best behavior tonight. No one was grumbling about wanting to hurt her loud enough for me to hear, and I just had to trust that meant the grass couldn't hear them either.

"If you don't want to talk to me, that's okay. We want to get you some help, so we're going to try and get Harley on the phone so you can talk to her."

Against my ear, the phone crackled to life.

Time for step three: Get negotiation partner on board.

"Which bat-brat do I have the displeasure of speakin to today!?"

"It's Batgirl; we need your help getting through to Ivy."

"HAH! Well fat fuckin chance, asshole! I ain't talkin her inta anythin she don't wanna do!"

"And we're not asking you to! She hasn't even hurt anybody, and she's not making any threats, but she is clearly terrified. We think there's something or someone after her, and it's not us."

I gave her a moment to think it over. She's got to know we wouldn't let Ivy die, but there's always the chance we're just lying.

"Fine. Alright, what's the plan here?"

"Thank you! I'm gonna hold the speaker up to the megaphone, and you let her know you want to talk, then I'll slowly approach and once in speaking range I'll take the megaphone off of the phone to give the two of you some privacy."

"An you'll still be listinen the whole damn time of course."

"Yeah, sorry about that, but at least the cops won't be."

Harley sighs, "Turn the lights down in the house and start the music then. Lets get this show rollin an' over with."

Step four: Negotiate and deescalate.

Through the phone megaphone combo she said, "Hey Sweetpea, mind lettin me hear yer pretty voice again?"

The protective wall started growing again, getting thicker. I chance a few slow steps forwards anyway, since nothing offensive starts growing either. Or at least I hoped there wasn't something offensive in there.

"I've missed ya. Not the same kickin ass with these bozos in here, ya'know?"

As I got closer, the smell of ozone got stronger, breathing started to feel weird, and every drop of sweat evaporated off of me, leaving me parched. Her hypergrowth vegetation was stripping the carbon dioxide and water out of the air so fast that the atmosphere around it was going haywire.

Just as I thought she was waiting for me to get close enough for her tree's roots to just use me as a nutrient bag, an opening formed over the doorway to the storage unit, and she shakily poked her head out, calling for Harleen.

She was messed up. She clearly hadn't been able to take care of herself and

I'm not writing the next part down verbatim. Just seems too... invasive. They said a lot of sweet an

I don't feel great about this, but just in case I need it, I am going to record what I remember of how Harley talked her down.

Harley said, "Pumpkin, I'm so sorr

Okay. Third time's the charm?

This was not a criminal wrecking havok for profit. This was not a terrorist making demands. This was someone having a breakdown due to forces outside her control and her girlfriend comforting her as best she could. I shouldn't even have been hearing it, really, so yeah I think I'd feel too skeezy to keep dinner down if I wrote it all out 'just in case'.

Informationally speaking, hopefully the only part of their conversation I'll ever need to know again is that Ivy said "The green is dying" and "She's made the world barren; the flowers will never bloom again" and basically made it really clear that the damage was already done and no one was after her.

If you're reading this Future Me and you desperately need to know exactly what happened, sorry not sorry, get a time machine or something.

Anyways, after it became clear that there was nothing we could do for her other than get her back to mental help, I gave Speedy the signal to take the shot. The tranqs hit her before she realized anything was up, and there were only a few seconds of scuffle, then she was down for the count.

I picked up the phone again to cut the line and Harley said, "So that's it, huh? I talk her into openin' the treeline, you drug her up, and that's curtains?"

"There clearly wasn't anything else we could do for-"

"Fuck off you insufferable, controlling, shitty, furry knock off cops! I shoulda told her ta mulch ya!"

There were the muffled sounds of the phone being taken out of her hand, and then a voice I didn't recognize, "Well, I hope that clown to plant heart to heart was worth the favor."

"Zero injuries, zero deaths, zero horrifying poison scares: I'd say it was."

She, whoever she was (I assume it was Waller) chuckled, "Well you aren't the one picking up the tab. Tell Oracle it was a pleasure doing business again."

The line went dead.

"You get that O?"

"Loud and clear. And hey, don't let what Quinn said get to you. You did great."

"Thanks," I kinda didn't feel it, but the sentiment was nice.

The rest of patrol was a long and boring ride on the top of a police van, making sure that no one ambushed her on her way back to Arkham, and then a short conversation about what they're going to do to keep her there this time.

They've had a couple different ways to cut her off from whatever The Green is for a while now. Every method has nasty side effects, and half her breakout attempts were in direct opposition to using them. At this point their policy is to just help her manage being connected. Considering what I saw that connection putting her through tonight? The docs rubber stamped cutting her off from The Green again, at least temporarily, and I'm pretty okay that.

So yeah. We won. Yippee. And all it took was arm twisting a woman held prisoner by a shadowy government agency in order to trick the love of her life into making herself vulnerable to us...

God this job sucks sometimes.

And the suck was not over yet, not by a long shot! And the suck was not only reserved for me either. Uh, okay obviously since Harley and Ivy, but also!

Oracle called to tell me this: "I need to give you a heads up before you return to base, and Speedy needs some time to handle a private phone call so I'm telling you this now. Black Bat got into a fight that upset her pretty bad. She's been on the training sims and dummies for over three hours, and I'm kinda worried she's not gonna sleep unless someone helps her untangle her head."

"I thought everything went smooth on her end, what the heck happened?"

"Easier if I just show you," Oracle said and fed a video taken by one of the Bat-House's internal cameras into my HUD.

It showed Ca (gah trying not to write anyone's names is a mess) Black Bat in civilian clothes, standing in a doorway. She's staring at the Red Hood from across the room with an expression of frustrated determination.

He ignores her for a while, continuing to read, curled up on the couch in a posture so terrible I have to wonder if he's trying to give himself back problems.

She just... kept staring. And staring.

Finally he asked, sounding very snarky and annoyed, "Can I help you?"

"Why did you pull the trigger again? You were better. You did better for so long. Why?"

"I don't owe you that shit," He narrowed his eyes at her, "And you don't get to decide I was better just cause you liked it more when I was docile."

She marches over to him, "I know how it hurts. I see it hurt you! I want to help. I want to know why."

"No," He said, standing up to loom over her, as though she couldn't kick his ass five ways from Sunday with a hand tied behind her back, "You want me to get on my knees and sob and beg for forgiveness. As though any of you shitheads ever even deserved my forgiveness!"

"No! I want to see you get better! I wanted another little brother!"

"Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got one! Don't worry, Dickie hates it just as much. I'm sure he can give you some pointers on how to go fuck yourself about it."

My jaw started hurting from how tight I had my teeth clenched as I watched her face twist in open rage-hurt-sorrow, "Why won't you stop burning our house down!? You're in it!"

"I. Don't. Owe. You. That."

She glared up at him defiantly, "You owe someone."

"No. I don't."

"Sheezus!" Black Canary said as she entered the room, "I leave you alone for five minutes and you're already picking a fight with her? Seriously?"

Black Bat's anger simmered below the boiling point again, "Not a fight."

"That sure looked like-"

"Not a fight." She declared bitterly, storming out of the room.

BC raised an eyebrow at Hood.

He smiled all teeth and irritation, "Not a fight!"

She rolled her eyes and took her post back up as the video ended.

I sighed, "Well. That'd do it. Thanks for the warning, I'll see if I can talk to her, take her mind off it."

"Appreciated. I tried but... I dunno. You'll probably have more luck."

"We'll see I guess! So, am I good to check in with Speedy, or is she still on her phone call?"

"You're good."

When I grappled up to the roof she was on, Speedy looked pretty damn unhappy. So, like, clearly tonight was sucking complete ass for everyone. Mercury in retrograde or some shit, idk.

"You got news I take it?" I asked.

"Mhm, great news! By which I mean totally shit news. Apparently the lab I get my bloodwork done at broke, as in everything is giving false negatives. So yeah, all my bloodwork for the past who knows how long might have been wrong!"

"Oh shit. You want us to test you in the Batcave? Guarantee the lab down there could handle whatever you need!"

"I appreciate the offer, but I'll need to fast for twelve hours beforehand no matter what, so it wouldn't really be any quicker. Also my civilian GP would be pretty leery of a Bat-Diagnostic, especially since they already got me an appointment with the closest available people."

O cut in over comms, "That is suspiciously fast..."

Speedy shrugged, "I've got a feeling Green Arrow might have pushed me up the list somehow. He might not be (secret identity stuff I can't write down here :P ) anymore, but he's still got some pull."

"Hmm, well, both of you get back to base and we can figure out the logistics once you're here."

"Roger."

"Aye Aye Captain."

Once she cut off I offered, "Grapple line tag on the way there to take your mind off it?"

"You know what? I could use something to stretch my legs out after all that sniper crouching. Fuck it, let's do this."

Swingy swingy swingy over the buildings, across the bridge, to grandmother's imposing, minefield-surrounded cave we went!

We got into the cave, changed out of our gear, and sure enough, Black Bat was still in the training section, running herself ragged. Speedy went up to get some sleep since she couldn't eat dinner now anyways (do NOT envy that). So I went straight into an attempt to pry Black Bat off the training mats.

"Heads up!" I called out and tossed a bottle of water at her head.

She caught it without even looking, swapping to kicks and using her other hand to demolish her sandbag opponents, "Been drinking enough just fine."

"Sure. What'll it take to convince you to take a break and drink it with me anyways?"

She paused, leg still raised to kick, perfectly poised like gravity wasn't even a factor. It always makes my legs hurt looking her like that. Makes the rest of me swoon too.

"Would um..." She frowned, like she expected me to think less of her for making the request, "You bring dinner down here? For us both?"

I gave her a smile, "Yeah, of course. Mind saying how come?"

"Because Hood's up there and I want to fight him more. If I fight him, have to look at him. Have to watch him feeling and thinking and..." She finally put her leg down, and fidgeted with the cap of her water, "And I just don't want to."

"Didn't realize you hated him that bad."

"Not sure I do? Messy."

"Yeah, messy for me too."

Translation: I still don't know how to feel about him taking grisly revenge against Black Mask 'in my honor'. Still also super don't know how to feel about his welcome home gifts of a gun and an offer to come murder criminals with him.

Then I add, "But I'll have you know I'm a first class mess messer with-er! So if you want to talk about it, I'd be happy to."

She very briefly smiled, then her face feel again and somber moment passed before she said quietly, "Yeah, okay. Bring food down and... we can talk."

"On it."

"Um, wait!"

"Huh?"

She caught my arm and reeled me in for a kiss on the cheek, "There."

I laughed and gave her a proper kiss, "There! Love you."

Diary, have I ever told you about how she looks when she blushes? Because I seriously think I'll need to pull out the old poetry textbooks in order to do it justice.

Upstairs took me passed the dining room, where Red Hood and Red Robin were talking.

"The fuck is that?" Hood asked, leaning over his shoulder.

"Blueprints. I'm having a section of my house renovated while I'm stuck here."

"Wwwwhy?"

"I am swiftly being driven mad by boredom and saw a really neat indoor garden set-up on pinterest."

"An indoor garden? In Gotham? Do you fuckin want to get strangled to death in your sleep by vines?"

RR does the little 'tch' thing he picked up from Robin, "Whatever, it'll be fine, these are tiny little arboreals and I'll have reinforced airlocks leading in and out."

"That does fucking nothing for attacks in your sleep."

"Which is why I'll have the whole lockdown system automated. I was already going to do automation for the plant care stuff anyways, cause lets be honest here, there was no way I was ever going to keep them alive on my own."

"...The speed and ease with which you oscillate between self depreciating paranoia and megalomaniacal hubris is fascinating."

And even as pissed off as I am with both of them, that still almost made me friggin lose it laughing, RR seemed so offended too, it was great!

And speaking of pissed off? Yeah, seeing RR acting so chummy with Hood was kinda making my blood boil! Like, maybe he didn't even know they fought. But he's supposed to be her friend too, and it's still sticking in my craw, and I'm busy with the whole damn city needing patroled, and so bottom line: I didn't talk to him tonight, and I'm probably not gonna talk to him tomorrow night either!!

Agent A had several plates set to the side already when I got into the kitchen. I think he assumed at least a few of us were gonna go off in our separate corners after the argument. Made it nice and easy to snag two and bring it down.

She had clearly been pacing, waiting for me, back down in the cave.

We sat together and she held my hand while we ate - pretty awkward, but super worth it. We stayed quiet, me cause I wanted to give her the space to start talking, and her probably because she wasn't sure where to start.

Once all the peas and mash were gone and she was pushing her drumstick around the plate she asked, "Ready?"

"Go for it. All ears."

"It's a guilt thing I think? Least a little?"

"Kinda always figured you were uh, how to put it, I guess invested in him, cause of that sort of parallel between you two?"

She nodded, "Not all of it's that, though. Different guilt," She gives me a rueful smile, "I'm layered in it, huh?"

"Like a lasagna of angst," I told her solemnly.

She huffed a quiet laugh, fidgeting with my hand, "Am I um. A tasty lasagna?"

"Oh yeah, you're delicious," I said with a cheesy wink.

"Terrible," She laughed a bit more, running her thumb over the back of my hand, and the nervous sad crept right back in, "You know about um... One day, I rescued a man? Murderer. From the gas chamber?"

"Yeah. Not well, you've never said much, but I've read a bit about it. Was kind of a big news thing."

"On the way out I met the mother of his victim. She demanded justice. She demanded his death. I didn't know how to- to reconcile her grief. Still don't. But back then... I put him back in the gas chamber. I look at Hood. Wonder if he's the murderer or the mother or the executioner. Wonder what the mother was. Wonder what I was. Wonder if the distinction matters at all."

"Hood's trying to cut all the bad people out, trying to bleed the world better. You're trying to keep it all alive, trying to keep everyone growing. Maybe the other distinctions don't matter, but I think this one has to."

She squeezed my hand tight and kissed every one of my knuckles delicately, "I hope so. Trying to believe so."

"I kinda think you already do. You may be an angst lasagna, but you don't do what you do just out of guilt, yeah?"

"Guess so... I wanted so bad to find out that they'd been replaced by aliens or something. Find out that wasn't him. Not now and um. Not on TV all those months ago. At the very least I was hoping to find regret."

"I really wish I had something better to say than, you know, his determination to be an asshole isn't something we can fix. Just gotta keep growing our garden and hope he decides to join us for real sometime."

"Yeah..." Another round of knuckle kisses, "Yeah, you're right," She wrinkles her nose, "Sucks you're right."

"Yup."

She pressed her forehead against our intertwined hands for a while.

Then she asked, "Tell me about one of your shows?"

"Sure."

So I chattered about some light stuff she nodded along to until we were both ready for bed. It was honestly really nice, and I think I needed it too, a lot more than I realized.

So yeah, here's hoping tomorrow is less of a complete shit show from start to finish.

- Batgirl IV

[harudnae]

Here come the next step of the Great Draft Eradication Plan!

I'm starting a new mini-series with a few ideas with Roger x Rayleigh x Gaban. I thought at first that I'd make a multi-chaptered fic, but in the end I reworked it into several short stories with varying ratings. There will be fluff, and there will be smut. For now I have 5 ficlets that I plan to post, but I might add more to this series if inspiration arises again 😋

Today you get Roger and Rayleigh's first encounter with Gaban, more will follow soon-ish.

Also posted on AO3 on 2024.02.07

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Roger x Rayleigh

Summary: Roger and Rayleigh meet Gaban.

Content warnings: rated T for Rayleigh's naughty thoughts

Word count: <600

✨ Encounter

Roger stares into the carpenter stall at the market.

Rayleigh curiously goes to him and peeks inside.

There's one guy behind the stall, cutting wood and working the material with dual axes.

Rayleigh raises his eyebrows. Cutting a whole log into smaller pieces is alright, but he wouldn't have expected anyone doing fine work with an axe, so he's quite impressed by the man's craftsmanship.

Roger turns to him, smiling wide, and he says, "He's crazy, but the good kind of crazy."

Rayleigh laughs, shaking his head. "Yeah. You're right."

The guy throws them a side-glance then focuses back on his work. He tells them, "I'd rather be crazy than bored and boring."

Roger explodes in laughter, startling the carpenter. "Words to live by. What's your name?"

"I'm Scopper Gaban."

(Rayleigh doesn't believe in fate but he still notices a pattern within their names. He doesn't mention it, but he can't forget it either.)

"Wahahaha, that's great! I'm Gol D. Roger and he's Silvers Rayleigh. Say, do you want to join my pirate crew?"

Rayleigh, stunned, blinks at the scene. He and Roger have been roaming the East Blue in tandem for a few years, and while they often talk about recruiting a crew, it's the first time that either of them actually acts on it.

(He wonders if Roger is going to invite random people out of the blue often, and he actively ignores that it's precisely how he came to sail with him.)

The carpenter stops working and curiously studies Roger. "Your pirate crew? Is it a big one?"

"It's just the two of us for now", Roger says, patting Rayleigh's shoulder. "What do you say?"

Now it's the other guy's turn to laugh. "Just you two, huh." He wipes an amused tear away, then glances at his stall. "About time I left, though." He sighs and turns back to Roger. "You have a ship? I know basic navigation and I can help with repairs."

Rayleigh stares in disbelief at the guy who apparently just accepted to join them without further questions.

Roger beams. "Welcome aboard."

(Is their crew going to be full of crazy people? If so, Rayleigh hopes all of them will be "the good kind of crazy.")

Gaban meets them by the edge of town at the end of the afternoon, with a couple of bags packed and ready to go.

"You packed fast", Roger comments.

"Yeah, well, I was helping someone with the stall earlier so I just needed to bring them back the keys to the workshop and grab my stuff. I don't have much to my name so it was pretty quick."

Rayleigh exchanges a knowing look with Roger. "I know the feeling, yeah. Well, our ship's over there." He points towards an end of the port. "She's small, but she's home."

Gaban quickly fills whatever space Roger and Rayleigh left available on board.

Rayleigh, against all odds, finds that their ship feels safer and more comfortable with the added presence of Gaban. He quickly warms up to him, and that has nothing to do with a surge of arousal on the following day, when he first sees Gaban shirtless on the deck.

(Rayleigh reasons that Roger may have twisted his personal tastes, and maybe now he has a soft spot for big men with dark hair. That's it. Simple. No reason to worry.)

Copper, Silver and Gold: [1] - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

[foodandfolklore]

The Boy who found fear at last

Yesterday, I shared a Celtic Folktale about a man who felt no fear. I used it as an example for why men not showing negative emotions like fear and sadness was glorified. Which is interesting in a way. But the story on it's own is kinda boring. Guy fears nothing, faces a bunch of stuff that would scare a normal person, and is rewarded for his lack of fear with riches.

This Turkish Folktale has a much more interesting plot line. Same premise; a male is born fearing nothing and searches the world for something to scare them. The only difference is in the Turkish version, they find it! Turns out, the most terrifying thing is responsibility. Which is weirdly relatable even today in our modern era. To grow up and start adulting before we feel we are ready is a terrifying sensation, and clearly not a mindset unique to our generation.

The Boy Who Found Fear At Last

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had one son whom she loved dearly. The little cottage in which they dwelt was built on the outskirts of a forest, and as they had no neighbours, the place was very lonely, and the boy was kept at home by his mother to bear her company.

They were sitting together on a winter’s evening, when a storm suddenly sprang up, and the wind blew the door open. The woman started and shivered, and glanced over her shoulder as if she half expected to see some horrible thing behind her. ‘Go and shut the door,’ she said hastily to her son, ‘I feel frightened.’

‘Frightened?’ repeated the boy. ‘What does it feel like to be frightened?’

‘Well—just frightened,’ answered the mother. ‘A fear of something, you hardly know what, takes hold of you.’

‘It must be very odd to feel like that,’ replied the boy. ‘I will go through the world and seek fear till I find it.’ And the next morning, before his mother was out of bed, he had left the forest behind him.

After walking for some hours he reached a mountain, which he began to climb. Near the top, in a wild and rocky spot, he came upon a band of fierce robbers, sitting round a fire. The boy, who was cold and tired, was delighted to see the bright flames, so he went up to them and said, ‘Good greeting to you, sirs,’ and wriggled himself in between the men, till his feet almost touched the burning logs.

The robbers stopped drinking and eyed him curiously, and at last the captain spoke.

‘No caravan of armed men would dare to come here, even the very birds shun our camp, and who are you to venture in so boldly?’

‘Oh, I have left my mother’s house in search of fear. Perhaps you can show it to me?’

‘Fear is wherever we are,’ answered the captain.

‘But where?’ asked the boy, looking round. ‘I see nothing.’

‘Take this pot and some flour and butter and sugar over to the churchyard which lies down there, and bake us a cake for supper,’ replied the robber. And the boy, who was by this time quite warm, jumped up cheerfully, and slinging the pot over his arm, ran down the hill.

When he got to the churchyard he collected some sticks and made a fire; then he filled the pot with water from a little stream close by, and mixing the flour and butter and sugar together, he set the cake on to cook. It was not long before it grew crisp and brown, and then the boy lifted it from the pot and placed it on a stone, while he put out the fire. At that moment a hand was stretched from a grave, and a voice said:

‘Is that cake for me?’

‘Do you think I am going to give to the dead the food of the living?’ replied the boy, with a laugh. And giving the hand a tap with his spoon, and picking up the cake, he went up the mountain side, whistling merrily.

‘Well, have you found fear?’ asked the robbers when he held out the cake to the captain.

‘No; was it there?’ answered the boy. ‘I saw nothing but a hand which came from a grave, and belonged to someone who wanted my cake, but I just rapped the fingers with my spoon, and said it was not for him, and then the hand vanished. Oh, how nice the fire is!’ And he flung himself on his knees before it, and so did not notice the glances of surprise cast by the robbers at each other.

‘There is another chance for you,’ said one at length. ‘On the other side of the mountain lies a deep pool; go to that, and perhaps you may meet fear on the way.’

‘I hope so, indeed,’ answered the boy. And he set out at once.

He soon beheld the waters of the pool gleaming in the moonlight, and as he drew near he saw a tall swing standing just over it, and in the swing a child was seated, weeping bitterly.

‘That is a strange place for a swing,’ thought the boy; ‘but I wonder what he is crying about.’ And he was hurrying on towards the child, when a maiden ran up and spoke to him.

‘I want to lift my little brother from the swing,’ cried she, ‘but it is so high above me, that I cannot reach. If you will get closer to the edge of the pool, and let me mount on your shoulder, I think I can reach him.’

‘Willingly,’ replied the boy, and in an instant the girl had climbed to his shoulders. But instead of lifting the child from the swing, as she could easily have done, she pressed her feet so firmly on either side of the youth’s neck, that he felt that in another minute he would be choked, or else fall into the water beneath him. So gathering up all his strength, he gave a mighty heave, and threw the girl backwards. As she touched the ground a bracelet fell from her arm, and this the youth picked up.

‘I may as well keep it as a remembrance of all the queer things that have happened to me since I left home,’ he said to himself, and turning to look for the child, he saw that both it and the swing had vanished, and that the first streaks of dawn were in the sky.

With the bracelet on his arm, the youth started for a little town which was situated in the plain on the further side of the mountain, and as, hungry and thirsty, he entered its principal street, a Jew stopped him. ‘Where did you get that bracelet?’ asked the Jew. ‘It belongs to me.’

‘No, it is mine,’ replied the boy.

‘It is not. Give it to me at once, or it will be the worse for you!’ cried the Jew.

‘Let us go before a judge, and tell him our stories,’ said the boy. ‘If he decides in your favour, you shall have it; if in mine, I will keep it!’

To this the Jew agreed, and the two went together to the great hall, in which the kadi was administering justice. He listened very carefully to what each had to say, and then pronounced his verdict. Neither of the two claimants had proved his right to the bracelet, therefore it must remain in the possession of the judge till its fellow was brought before him.

When they heard this, the Jew and the boy looked at each other, and their eyes said: ‘Where are we to go to find the other one?’ But as they knew there was no use in disputing the decision, they bowed low and left the hall of audience.

Wandering he knew not whither, the youth found himself on the sea-shore. At a little distance was a ship which had struck on a hidden rock, and was rapidly sinking, while on deck the crew were gathered, with faces white as death, shrieking and wringing their hands.

‘Have you met with fear?’ shouted the boy. And the answer came above the noise of the waves.

‘Oh, help! help! We are drowning!’

Then the boy flung off his clothes, and swam to the ship, where many hands were held out to draw him on board.

‘The ship is tossed hither and thither, and will soon be sucked down,’ cried the crew again. ‘Death is very near, and we are frightened!’

‘Give me a rope,’ said the boy in reply, and he took it, and made it safe round his body at one end, and to the mast at the other, and sprang into the sea. Down he went, down, down, down, till at last his feet touched the bottom, and he stood up and looked about him. There, sure enough, a sea-maiden with a wicked face was tugging hard at a chain which she had fastened to the ship with a grappling iron, and was dragging it bit by bit beneath the waves. Seizing her arms in both his hands, he forced her to drop the chain, and the ship above remaining steady, the sailors were able gently to float her off the rock. Then taking a rusty knife from a heap of seaweed at his feet, he cut the rope round his waist and fastened the sea-maiden firmly to a stone, so that she could do no more mischief, and bidding her farewell, he swam back to the beach, where his clothes were still lying.

The youth dressed himself quickly and walked on till he came to a beautiful shady garden filled with flowers, and with a clear little stream running through. The day was hot, and he was tired, so he entered the gate, and seated himself under a clump of bushes covered with sweet-smelling red blossoms, and it was not long before he fell asleep. Suddenly a rush of wings and a cool breeze awakened him, and raising his head cautiously, he saw three doves plunging into the stream. They splashed joyfully about, and shook themselves, and then dived to the bottom of a deep pool. When they appeared again they were no longer three doves, but three beautiful damsels, bearing between them a table made of mother of pearl. On this they placed drinking cups fashioned from pink and green shells, and one of the maidens filled a cup from a crystal goblet, and was raising it to her mouth, when her sister stopped her.

‘To whose health do you drink?’ asked she.

‘To the youth who prepared the cake, and rapped my hand with the spoon when I stretched it out of the earth,’ answered the maiden, ‘and was never afraid as other men were! But to whose health do you drink?’

‘To the youth on whose shoulders I climbed at the edge of the pool, and who threw me off with such a jerk, that I lay unconscious on the ground for hours,’ replied the second. ‘But you, my sister,’ added she, turning to the third girl, ‘to whom do you drink?’

‘Down in the sea I took hold of a ship and shook it and pulled it till it would soon have been lost,’ said she. And as she spoke she looked quite different from what she had done with the chain in her hands, seeking to work mischief. ‘But a youth came, and freed the ship and bound me to a rock. To his health I drink,’ and they all three lifted their cups and drank silently.

As they put their cups down, the youth appeared before them.

‘Here am I, the youth whose health you have drunk; and now give me the bracelet that matches a jewelled band which of a surety fell from the arm of one of you. A Jew tried to take it from me, but I would not let him have it, and he dragged me before the kadi, who kept my bracelet till I could show him its fellow. And I have been wandering hither and thither in search of it, and that is how I have found myself in such strange places.’

‘Come with us, then,’ said the maidens, and they led him down a passage into a hall, out of which opened many chambers, each one of greater splendour than the last. From a shelf heaped up with gold and jewels the eldest sister took a bracelet, which in every way was exactly like the one which was in the judge’s keeping, and fastened it to the youth’s arm.

‘Go at once and show this to the kadi,’ said she, ‘and he will give you the fellow to it.’

‘I shall never forget you,’ answered the youth, ‘but it may be long before we meet again, for I shall never rest till I have found fear.’ Then he went his way, and won the bracelet from the kadi. After this, he again set forth in his quest of fear.

On and on walked the youth, but fear never crossed his path, and one day he entered a large town, where all the streets and squares were so full of people, he could hardly pass between them.

‘Why are all these crowds gathered together?’ he asked of a man who stood next him.

‘The ruler of this country is dead,’ was the reply, ‘and as he had no children, it is needful to choose a successor. Therefore each morning one of the sacred pigeons is let loose from the tower yonder, and on whomsoever the bird shall perch, that man is our king. In a few minutes the pigeon will fly. Wait and see what happens.’

Every eye was fixed on the tall tower which stood in the centre of the chief square, and the moment that the sun was seen to stand straight over it, a door was opened and a beautiful pigeon, gleaming with pink and grey, blue and green, came rushing through the air. Onward it flew, onward, onward, till at length it rested on the head of the boy. Then a great shout arose:

‘The king! the king!’ but as he listened to the cries, a vision, swifter than lightning, flashed across his brain. He saw himself seated on a throne, spending his life trying, and never succeeding, to make poor people rich; miserable people happy; bad people good; never doing anything he wished to do, not able even to marry the girl that he loved.

‘No! no!’ he shrieked, hiding his face in his hands; but the crowds who heard him thought he was overcome by the grandeur that awaited him, and paid no heed.

‘Well, to make quite sure, let fly more pigeons,’ said they, but each pigeon followed where the first had led, and the cries arose louder than ever:

‘The king! the king!’ And as the young man heard, a cold shiver, that he knew not the meaning of, ran through him.

‘This is fear whom you have so long sought,’ whispered a voice, which seemed to reach his ears alone. And the youth bowed his head as the vision once more flashed before his eyes, and he accepted his doom, and made ready to pass his life with fear beside him.

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Jump the Shark

Welcome to “Adam is the New Dawn Summers: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

Up today, s4e19: Jump the Shark

The boys answer a call on their dad’s old cell phone, and the caller claims to be John’s son. FRAUGHT. They go to meet him, Sam ready to see what’s what, Dean *certain* that this is some monster laying a trap. But all signs point to Adam really being John’s son and therefore the boys’ younger half brother. Adam’s mother has disappeared, and while Sam and Dean try to find out what happened to her, the three brothers have all manner of moments of strife and snipe and hurt and grump. (Dean is especially grump.) Turns out, whoops, that Adam IS a monster (a ghoul) laying a trap, but the ghoul has taken the form of the real Adam, who is very dead but was also very much Sam and Dean’s brother. Ooof.

Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

Lor:

oh fuck off, John

jeez, Dean

Mace:

sammy brushing his teeth is hot don't ask me why i don’t make the rules

Lor:

"but I'm hungry now" me and Dean are the saaaaame person

LOL it is adorable

Mace:

HA

Lor:

omg Sam also has mouthwash

Mace:

YAS

Lor:

our poor boys

Mace:

yeah

dean is PISSED

Lor:

yep

and underneath his anger iceburg is a whoooole lot of hurt

Mace:

yeah

don't just throw the silverware on the floor, Dean, you’re better than that

Lor:

right?

I will forgive him a lot right now, but still

Mace:

poor Adam

Lor:

yeah

"a car fell on him" DEAN

Mace:

“a car fell on him”

you’re being a turd

Lor, slap him upside real quick

Lor:

yep. we've crossed over into "no pie for you"

nah he enjoys that. and then I get all....

Mace:

yeah right, you would never

Lor:

yeah, I wouldn't. not enough that he'd feel it

Mace:

i meant deprive him of pie

Lor:

oh that.

I meeeean. maybe for a minute or two

what diner has real silver on the table?

Mace:

Lor. we just watched Dean switch them out and throw the diner’s stuff on the floor

get your head in the game

Lor:

oh yeah! I was... distracted

oh Dean, honey

Mace:

oh man, Dean. poor thing.

 his head is near asploding

Lor:

yep

and his heart

Mace:

admit it, Dean, your dad was a DICK

Lor:

as if he could hate John more AND dammit he'd thought the man had run out of ways to hurt him

YEP

oh DEAN. he needs a hug. maybe he should pray to Cas

Mace:

that’s the problem - i don’t think he does hate john and he really needs to

Lor:

well not enough anyway

Mace:

he hates himself for not being a better son instead of blaming john for being a shit father

Lor:

sloppy, John, getting your pic in the paper. terrible hunter

oooof YEP

Mace:

so this is going right into the I Must Be a Shitty Son because He Loved This Kid More

Lor:

ooooof

see, he needs pie

lololol Dean

stop throwing scissors!

Mace:

omg the spazzing

Lor:

(course, maybe he's doing it on purpose to protect Sammy from having to go down there)

Mace:

(maybe)

Lor:

(I can never decide which I think it is)

Mace:

EWEWEW

Lor:

ick

oooo you clean that gun, Dean, you clean it good

Mace:

HA

Lor:

I mean. Dean is

just not for a JOB

Mace:

yeah

oh Sam

always steps up with the logic

Jesus, Dean, sitting as far away as he can

Lor:

"nobody just says okay"

YEP

Mace:

Dean. It’s not HIS fault.

Lor:

nope

Dean is SUCH a whirl of emotions

Lor:

omg both of them yelling "no" at little brother

Mace:

YES

“welcome to the family”

AHAHAHA

poor Sammy

Lor:

poor Sammy. welcome to being the middle kid, Sam

Mace:

Somehow he’s always been the middle kid

Lor:

HA!

YES

(do you remember how this goes?)

Mace:

(i do not)

Lor:

(oh HO. very good, then)

Mace:

(well, I mean, Adam ends up as Michael, if that’s what you mean)

Lor:

(that is not what I mean)

Mace:

I love that little bracelet on Sam’s wrist

Lor:

it COULD have been over if the writers hadn't dropped the ball all the way to the center  of the earth at the end

YES

Mace:

YUP

Lor:

nnnnnggggg Dean crouching by the car

Mace:

is he wearing…italian boots?

Lor:

he is wearing SOME kind of very special boots that he did NOT buy at Macy's, that's for sure

pets him

this is why you never park over top of shit

Mace:

Ha!

Lor:

lol poor Bobby. "MORE of you snot nosed Winchesters to look after? I'm gonna resurrect your son of bitch father so I can shoot him myself"

Mace:

AHAHAHA YES

oh WAIT I THINK I REMEMBER NOW WHAT HAPPENS

OOOOOO

Lor:

LOL

Mace:

Dean is STRUGGLING with stuff

Lor:

he REALLY is

Mace:

wants to hate the kid but also wants to protect him

Lor:

YEP

Mace:

Big Brother pull is strong with this one

Lor:

yep

oh Sam

Mace:

“i think it’s too late for us"

oh DEAN WINCHESTER

they are beautiful boys, but DAMN they are messed up

Lor:

they REALLY are

"well then I'll look again"

Mace:

stubborn

Lor:

his little hufflepuff heart can't handle not caretaking his little brother

Mace:

ha!

“sloppy Joe” DEAN WINCHESTER NO

Lor:

lol I love that he makes his quips when there's no one to hear them though

Mace:

I prefer when he says “son of a bitch"

Lor:

ditto

oooof Dean

Mace:

yeah

oh he’s got his thinking cap on

Lor:

lol

EW

Mace:

agreed

EWEWEW

STOP CUTTING MY STRINGBEAN

Lor:

RIGHT?

ooof Dean you can stop now

Mace:

Jesus, Dean.

Lor:

you probably wanna raise them higher than that too Sam

Mace:

yeah

Lor:

"Adam's in a better place" not for looooong

Mace:

i don’t remember how he comes back

is it because dean says no to michael?

Lor:

the angels bring him back when Dean says no, yeah

Mace:

stop insulting sammy, dean

Lor:

"you take it any way you want" ooooooof

The Fraught Brothers Ride Again

Mace:

cripes, boys

[yennefer-of-vengerbergs]

just me ranting about work under the cut, because damn has it been getting on my nerves and i need to get it off my chest somehow🙃

i swear, every day, the idea of just quitting my job seems more and more tempting. it's getting to the point where i can't stand it anymore and the thought of having to log on and staring at my work laptop all day brings me nothing but annoyance, to say the least. i'm tired and no amount of pto is ever enough, especially since it's just me and someone else (who is a lead) in this team, so i can't even take too much time off at a time because of it. and i can't stand this person and they're always throwing 99.99% of the work at me, and there isn't that much i can do about it other diplomatically say something isn't as doable as they'd imagine it to be, seeing as they also do my performance review and any raises i get depend on that 🙃

had half a day off on friday and what do i come back to today? more work that's ready for me, because of course everything has to be ready at the same.fucking.time 🙃on paper, i have the time for it, but man does it get on my nerves to see everything come in at once, with no consideration for the fact that hey, it's just me doing this shit, can ya'll slow the fuck down and stop taking stuff in advance, that's then expected to be ready, even if it isn't meant to be done during this period of time?

and as i was typing this, they wrote that they want to chat about even more work that came in unplanned 🙃(surprisingly, they took that on, but i know for a fact that the initial idea would have been to pass it on to me because "you've worked with this before")

and what else do i find out today? they have more than a month off for the holidays, from december to january according to the very public calendar on the hr portal used here, which means i'll be on my own with nobody to help me if i need it🙃nevermind the fact that i would have liked to take a few days off then too, but hey, what do i matter in this equation, their weeks and weeks of pto are clearly more important 🙃

guess it's high-time for me update my linkedin profile and look for a new job, as much as i hate job hunting and how this year is probably the worst time to look for a new job in the industry i work in (literally the only reasons keeping me at this job are the good pay and the fact that it's 100% remote and i refuse to go into the office for work anymore, so ideally i'd like a new job that is also 100% remote). but honestly, it's gotten to the point where i can no longer stand this place and i just feel like my soul gets sucked out of me every single day, little by little. I know it's going to probably take a long time to find a new job that fits what i want, but ugh, i'm just done at this point, i'd rather go through the hurdle that is job hunting for however long it takes than to stay in this place longer than i have to.

it's funny, as much as i ended up hating working in the gaming industry because of the toxicity where i worked and shit pay and it being absolutely thankless, i sometimes regret leaving that entirely because at least it was an industry i cared about and i actually worked with some people that i had things in common with and could have a conversation with. now i just feel completely disconnected from everyone i work with, seeing as i have absolutely nothing in common with them and all that's left is another round of falseness from pretty much everyone. i'm not one to necessarily make friends and be all buddy-buddy with the people i work with (if i end up being friends with someone from work, cool. if not, cool again, i'm just here for my paycheck in the end, k bye), but even i have to admit that sometimes i'd like to at least be able to have a conversation about something that isn't work related throughout those 8 hours i have to spend every day working.

i don't know where i'm going with this anymore 😂but anyway, yeah, work sucks, why did we as humans see relaxation and chill vibes and generally good and happy things, and then just invented a 40-hour work week and jobs that suck the life out of you?

[camp-counselor-life]

Ok friends of tumblr dot com, here are today's good things! It wasn't a perfect days, and I did spend a lot of time telling myself, you are ok, you are ok. But I made it, and here I am, getting ready to start all over again tomorrow.

I had therapy. I am blessed that I have a schedule and supervisor that allows me to have additional therapy appointments when I need/want them. This is a blessing that most people do not have and I am fortunate that I do.

I matched with someone on a dating app! We will see where this goes. I don't have a ton of bandwidth for dating honestly, but it might be fun to get to know someone new.

I made a crockpot stew and it was very tasty!

My friend said that I did a good job on one of the messages I sent about the color guard stuff in Spanish. That's a good start. It is Friday, so probably should have gotten on this earlier, but I'm gonna do this.

I talked to my supervisor today about wanting to be able to set boundaries, and how I haven't always been able to do it. She was really understanding and I am grateful for that.

My apricots are ripe and I had four. yummy!

I finished my book on medicine and natural experiments. It was really interesting, somewhat funny, but very much up my alley.

I'm sure more good things happened, but I'm about to go journal and read. I'm trying to log off the computer earlier, start winding down from screens, a bit earlier than I was.

[joomju]

I got a good grade in therapy today (hah) so here's the thing that helped me, and my therapist liked it so much she said she's stealing it.

Fuck to-do lists.

I have a Done List. The Done List is for logging what I've done. At work I have a meeting with myself late Friday afternoon, and all week long when I get something done I toss a bullet point into that meeting. At the end of the week I know what I did. No more "augh it's all a blurry haze, what did I even do?" At home I have calendars in each room, and I mark off the days I cleaned that room. Doesn't have to be perfectly clean, just, did I do some cleaning there? Good? It gets marked on the calendar. No more cleaning the bathroom every two days, just to be really really sure I did it.

I have a Learn List. When I'm inspired/feeling good/ready to tackle something big I go look at this list. It includes books to read, tutorials and courses and training, it includes a new script I'm debugging, fic I'm trying to write, etc. Inspired Brain is a different thing from Executive Function Brain. I was having a lot of anxiety because I would be in the middle of creating something and the brain gremlins would go "but you need to vacuum!" No. The vacuuming gets added to the Touch List. It is not allowed to interrupt the Inspired Brain.

I have a Touch List. This is all the stupid stuff that doesn't require creativity. Vacuuming, folding laundry, filing my benefits reimbursement for the therapy, it all goes in the touch list. I try to touch it for half an hour each day. Touch List is a great catchall for anything nagging at me. It's allowed to have stupid things on it like "pick up lightbulbs" and then the next day "they were out of lightbulbs, go pick up lightbulbs from the other store" or whatever. I don't feel guilty about "oh shite I didn't get lightbulbs" I just go "well, that didn't work out the way I wanted, okay, it's added back to the list".

(Touch List = half an hour each day works for me because I'm no longer living below the poverty line. Getting to this place in my life involved an entirely different set of skills and that's an entirely different post.)

I found the endless to-do list to be panic inducing. It included everything from "vacuum" to "learn French" and that was really not helpful. When do you count "learn French" as done, anyway? It was like asking myself "why aren't you three people already? Why haven't you already turned into a fantastic athlete who is also a great cook who is also a consummate professional coder?" Logging everything on The Done List has helped me appreciate my own work more. It's helped me be kinder to myself. It's helped me see all that I am capable of, all that I already am, instead of just being overwhelmed by all that I still need to get done, all that I want to become. I hope it helps you too.

[thetypingpup]

Hit a Milestone!!!

Thank you so so so much for 3k followers!! Genuinely never thought I would be here. Y’alls support means absolutely everything I can’t thank y’all enough. I wish I had like a oneshot planned or a part 2 of something to post (*cough* don’t know when Off Script is coming *cough*), but sadly I do not. I will be taking my time with oneshots and my more in depth aus, so those will be posted once they’re ready. And of course, there will be assorted ramblings when I’ve got stuff to say. In the meantime, thank you for enjoying my feral ramblings there’s definitely more to come.

That being said, I know there’s been a lot of new content lately, but please bare in mind this won’t be a regular thing. I write and post when I’m inspired, and I’ve had a lot of inspiration in the past week thanks to Ateez lmao. Thank you so much for supporting my work, and I hope you continue to support my work in the future. There is now a Masterlist finally. I feel like there’s enough content now to warrant a more organized list of things. There’s also a separate masterlist for the aus because there’s just so many. More will be added to the masterlists as I comb through all the content. The masterlists can be found in the Navigation link in the bio.

Since there’s a lotta new people here, this is a reminder to please read the rules before interacting. Asks that break the rules will not be answered. Rules can also be found in the Navigation link in the bio. If you have any questions about the rules you’re more than welcome to ask.

Please note that I do not take requests. Prompt asks and spit balling ideas is encouraged, but anything phrased as a request will not be answered. Thank you in advance.

I will resume answering asks and posting today, as I feel comfortable doing so, but please be sure to take the time for yourselves you need. Take breaks, unplug, log out if you must. My dms will be open if people wanna talk or just need someone to listen. It will be basically business as usual here since that is what’s most comfortable for me, and that’s how I protect my peace. Please take care of yourselves and protect your peace too. I love y’all 💖 

[prettynhot]

13.01.2024 Sat restarting,revolving n readjusting.

new day,new me:) i’ll start talking about last night first. after i logged in here with my journal update, i left my course place n got home. while i was walking though, i witnessed the first snow falling in my city for this winter!

the snow was incredibly pretty and delicately falling with a slight cold breeze. the breeze moved my hair quite romantically, i was blushing from the cold so with my cute red cheeks n red nose, delicate snowflakes in my hair n outfit, i looked and felt like i was in a movie. people were passing by with literal awes and someone even offered to carry my bag for me! people are so nice <33

after i got home i ate my dinner,got some sweets and as i sat down to relax,i fell asleep😭 i woke up to a call from my sister, facetiming me to ask what to wear for her bday celebration. she just turned 30 this year! i still cant believe she is 30 now,she has that young aura n energy which makes everyone feel like she’d be in her 20s forever. crazy that shes stepping into her 30s now. im excited for this new chapter in her life, feel like its going to be her best one yet:)

after talking to my sister, i got up,changed from my outdoor clothes to my comfy sweatpants n thin,soft long sleeve,grabbed water n cleaned up my room a bit. after that i shopped online for a while and danced for at least 2 hours.

it was soo much fun!!! i hadnt danced in a quite long while n totally forgot how in touch with my femininity n grounded it makes me feel! while i was dancing ag’s new song played, titled ‘yes and’ which i quite liked!! then i saw that time flew by n it was nearly 12 am, which i was waiting for in order to celebrate my sister’s bday:) we facetimed at 12 exactly n i even blew candles for her! she got so happy n told me all about the presents she got n how her bday celebration went. we talked a bit but i needed to study so i had to hang up :(

then, since i had not studied at all ever since i got home,i sat down n studied for a good 2 hours, brushed my teeth n my hair n had a nice night sleep😴

woke up in a good mood, drank my morning water n had a filling, delicious breakfast with a good load of veggies, a whole lot of protein n some carbs. it was soo yummyy^^

then i got ready, decided to postpone the glamming for my little tc thing, since i didnt want a crush to get in the way of how my exam goes, knowing i wouldnt be as comfortable in all glam.

so i took the exam! it went quite nice at first but as time went by, nearing the end of the 3 hrs, my focus got harder to maintain n i didnt even realize i had a headache from constrating so hard! even though i didnt feel like i did as good as i was capable of, it still wasnt horrible n i know the result will be decent. so im pleased yet eager to do more!

after the exam, i had a class with my teacher:) the one whom i have a little crush on:) he was exceptionally smiley today! he asked me how my exam went, kiinda checked me out(i mightve even made it up honestly😭but lowkey felt it though!) chatted with us for a while. then his class starts, as usual hes very interactive with with everyone n me, jokes around n stuff.

one thing i really like about him is that he always looks at me while he’s telling a story about himself or anything personal really. its as if like hes telling that to me only as he is only making eye contact with me. it makes me feel super special!

it was quite hot in the classroom so i wanted to open the windows yet he was cold so he didnt want me to,and joked about that the whole class.

and he even came rlly close n sat beside me.specifically right beside me. just to talk to me.

UGHHHHHHHH

losing my pretty mind over that.

this man literally tried to sit on the heater to talk😭hes also absurd sometimes.

AND ALSO!!

HE TALKED ABOUT HOW HE IS TRYING TO NOT BREAK STUDENTS HEARTS NOW. WHILE LOOKING AT ME. HE WAS LIKE ‘IM WATCHING MY WORDS NOW SINCE I DONT WANT TO BREAK ANYONES HEART’. WHILE LOOKING AT ME. CUZ I TOLD HIM HE HURT ME THE OTHER DAY??

look, i might be delusional(likely) but come on, what would you think in my shoes?

i’d like to think that it was intentional so i will:)

n that was all for my little crush talk.

after his class i stayed on the place where i took my courses to study a bit more. while i was there, one of the founders of that place, offered me fruits n even cut them up for me🥹 hes usually an unusually cold man so i was quite suprised! but it made me very happy nonetheless!

after i was done, while i was leaving the course i came by the owner of the course place n chatted with him for a while, he’s the bestest! hes very intelligent and sweet!

that’s all i have for today! i texted with one of my best friends as well, we promised to meet this monday to visit our national library. we’ll see how everything goes!

im trying to readjust n revolve, into the girl who is disgustingly overeducated, into the girl who is balanced and feminine, into the girl who has everything together in her life<3

same time tomorrow?