#//i'll shut up one of these days
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pals drinking together (hand practice that got out of control)
#team fortress 2#tf2 fanart#tf2#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#heavymedic#im british ok drawing people drinking is part of my hierarchy of needs#i had to draw so many casual outfits so it didn't look like a singular pubcrawl#these are all unrelated doodles i collected together but#i wanted it to sort of look like heavy is warming up to medic over time and medic is learning to shut up and listen#trying to expand my mental library of hands and holding glasses by drawing them a lot sigh#some of these hands are terrible so back to the drawing board (har har) until i get them right#one day i'll draw these characters consistantly
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can't stop brainrotting over trey and riddle's dynamic, now i'm thinking about the fact that in the manga riddle's mother physically recoils and pulls her hand away instead of comforting him when he's in distress but it's trey taking riddle's hand that's the key to pulling him out of his overblot state. and then in the novel's version of that same scene riddle hears someone calling out to him "so gently, so desperately, so indiscreetly" and wishes that it would be his mother but it's actually trey who's offering him that gentle, unconditional love and comfort.
#twisted wonderland#riddle rosehearts#trey clover#treyrid#(if you want. romantic or platonic idc i just love them so much)#one day i'll shut up about them but today is not that day#today i'm about to end up in a puddle on the floor 😭#twst manga#twst novel#star.txt
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she would've told them unlike her canon! version who decided not to be an ally smh
#one piece#trans!sanji#sanji#kiku#yamato#ワンピース#I'm practicing my japanese shhhhhh#(日本語のペラペラ人:俺は文法とか書く方とか間違ったら教えてください😅ありがとうございます)#translation:#Yamato: I'll be able to get as strong as Oden?#Sanji: Probably... 🤔#[meanwhile Kiku is remembering the time in the hot spring]#(Sanji: Nami-chan!!!)#(Nami: Shut up!! The women's bath is supposed to be a peaceful place!)#Kiku: I am also ⚧️ ... o.o#(y'all english speakers had me all to yourselves for a decade it's about time I start to also sometimes make stuff in my next language lol#notably for media *from* that language#same as it made sense to make fan content in english for [american superhero franchise we don't talk abt anymore] back in the day#(happy seasonal reminder that Ren Is Not A Native English Speaker and This Is My 5th Language hi 😅))#while looking up reference for this I learnt that the straps to tie back the kimono sleeves are called tasuki#also I decided yamato get big muscles cause he got them kaido genes in im (I also gave him his dad's young-man-facial hair)#the more I do transition projections for one piece characters while tryna adhere to the style the more I learn that sometimes stylisation#uses bones less as literal determinants for where things go and just kinda exaggerates shapes based on vibes alone instead#meaning trans characters' bones wouldn't literally stay looking the same in that stylisation in the way they do irl#they'd get exaggerated differently based on what the surrounding stuff is doing#I still think oda's transition demonstration when we first met iva was unreasonable even with that in mind tho
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I don't wanna sit here and act like I'm a professional or anything, because I'm not, but as someone who has had to do a lot of work to overcome trauma and reconfigure my brain more or less from the ground up, there's a lot I have to say about Solas's mental state
We know that Solas was essentially used and abused by Mythal for millennia. Even if he wasn't under a geas, he was twisted from his purpose by being made to fight, and then created the Wolf's Fang which was used to make the Titans tranquil and started the Blights. He made those choices himself, but it's important to understand that no choice is ever made in a vacuum. She took advantage of his vulnerability when he was given a body after however long as a spirit semi-existing peacefully in the Fade, and moulded him into a weapon.
He is broken, because Mythal broke him. I'm not incapable of seeing why she did what she did because like I said, no one makes choices in a vacuum and I could write about her for a long time too (in a similar way to how I have had to do myself in my own life in understanding why others abused me). He was so traumatised by everything that happened and he was trauma bonded to Mythal pretty much from the minute he gained a body. Trauma bonds are not about love. He definitely interpreted it that way, as most people do, but that's the weapon abusers use to keep the victim under their control. Abuse abuse abuse show a scrap of love and then abuse some more. If I just take it, I'll get the love/attention I need. I will earn it, because love is suffering, and I have to suffer to earn getting my basic needs met from my family/friends. Mythal, as his creator, was the one who he would've attached to in a similar way to spirit Cole/human Cole.
Trauma bonds are pathological. Mythal made him believe that if he did as she asked, and kept supporting her, then eventually he would gain her favour and they would be able to free all the elves, and he'd be able to live according to his true nature, which is one where he doesn't have to fight. (Remember his personal quest in DAI? He actually kills the rebel mages for corrupting his friend--another Wisdom spirit--into Pride.) In reality, she was just using him. She always kept the bone just out of reach for her lapdog. The line from Rook where they say (paraphrasing here) 'you know, I was actually excited about getting your approval... That's how you do it, isn't it? Keep giving little scraps of approval to keep someone loyal, and then you turn around and betray them' is so telling too.
Where--or from whom--do you think he learned to do this?
It literally reeks of a pathological trauma bond and honestly, with how isolated, 'grim and fatalistic' Solas is, it is not a surprise that he's so broken.
Solas, essentially, is little more than a lap-dog to Mythal. He followed her like a lost puppy, because especially in his early days, that's kind of what he was. You have to remember that most of the insight we get about Mythal is from Solas's perspective, and he is not a reliable person when it comes to her after so long being repeatedly terrorised and twisted and manipulated. There are several instances where he describes being betrayed by her, and mentions some of the things she did, but he never quite holds her fully accountable and ends up directing his rage elsewhere. (The parallel between Mythal/Solas and the rebel mages/Wisdom is important here.)
This awesome post by @mythalism only reinforces this. He is so messed up in that scene, he is broken, he is holding the Wolf's Fang up, trying to give it to her because it symbolises the burden he has carried for thousands of years trying to avenge her death. He never wanted the Fang, like he never wanted a body. Mythal just stands over him, fully aware of what she did to him, and only getting him to stop because Rook petitioned her successfully, and the reunion with the more benevolent Mythal within Morrigan tempered her anger. She was a goddess, with the unequal power dynamic, right to the end.
As a side note, on the potential romance element between Mythal and Solas, I read an excellent breakdown of it on Reddit a while ago about how out of character it would've been for Solas to keep something like that from a romanced Lavellan, especially in Trespasser when he comes clean about his plan/past. I can't find it now because it was pre-Veilguard release, but it made a lot of sense to me. Solas and Lavellan never have a love scene in DAI because Solas didn't want to 'lay with them under false pretences'. Lying about who you are when sleeping with someone is nonconsensual. You can't consent to sleeping with someone if you don't know their true identity, and someone who knowingly lies about who they are to get into your pants is a sexual predator. For someone who led a slave rebellion (no doubt many of them being sex slaves), and a former spirit of Wisdom, Solas would've been well aware of this. In the unsent letter from Solas to Lavellan he says he came so close to breaking and desperately wanted to stay with them as Solas, with the implication being that that is where he planned to sleep with them once he'd come clean. But because he stops, because he's still unable to forgive himself or release himself from his trauma bond with Mythal, he breaks away, and they never have sex.
Bottom line: Solas would've been honest about it. Especially that. As the Inquisitor says, he can't lie about his heart.
And it's why the Solas/Lavellan romance is so powerful because quote, 'you change everything'. Solas thought he knew what love was, that love was loyalty, devotion, worship, etc. It's not just his plans or worldview that Lavellan changes. Lavellan sees him for who he is, without the mantle of Dread Wolf, and because of that he's able to express his true nature to her, even if he's not being totally honest in Inquisition. Lavellan got much closer to the real him than most, as he says, and changed his understanding of love completely. Unfortunately, he has unfinished business, an unresolved trauma bond, and his crushing sense of duty to the past is what keeps him from taking that final step towards letting go of it entirely. Trick also says Solas doesn't think he deserves love, which tbh is kind of a hallmark trait of people who have survived abuse.
And honestly? Call me a simp but I think he really was trying to get the Inquisitor to stop him. He saw himself being unable to let go because he was so broken and burdened by his guilt, and knew he couldn't save himself--was too proud to admit that he couldn't, because how pathetic does it make him look? And how could he stop now without rendering all the damage he'd wrought pointless? Yet here was someone who had changed him right down to his core, who understood him in a way few people ever had, whom he trusted, whom he loved in a way he hadn't loved anyone else before. It took him 'centuries' to build up rapport with the members of his rebellion. The man does not know how to form attachments without trauma, and suddenly he forms a strong one with someone who loves him completely and without condition. It's a jarring change.
Lavellan says that maybe they're being prideful themselves, refusing to see their own folly. But I think in admitting that they might be wrong, that it might be wishful thinking borne from misguided love to a truly terrible person, they've rendered the point moot. It shows self-awareness, which isn't folly.
If anyone can make Solas understand true love, it's Lavellan. Lavellan loved him when he was being his true self. Lavellan loved him after his betrayal was revealed. Lavellan loved him when his guilty conscience and terrible actions almost destroyed the world. Lavellan loved him because they knew the real him, and knew that his heart and spirit were broken, and knew that their love would endure, that their love would heal him.
And that's exactly where they end up. Healing the past, soothing the Blight, and loving one another completely.
#i'll shut up about solas one day but that day is not today#solas#lavellan#solavellan#mythal#dragon age spoilers#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age
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💖 EVEN MORE DAY 4 SNEAK PEEKS! 💖
#>:3 /hehe /nefarious#+ One extra screenshot to make it look neater ghsjgds#14 Days With You#14DWY#yandere#yandere visual novel#yandere vn#yandere OC#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — spoilers.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — shut up sai.#ETA: 14DWY Discord I have not forgotten about you <3 Y'all will get a unique update 🔜 + access to Day 4 before the public (as always)#I appreciate everyone's patience though!! Once my Uni break rolls around I'll be sure to post more consistently and be more active online!#Because right now it's been kinda hard to find the time to go through all my socials AND indulge in my own personal interests/hobbies T_T#Sometimes I wanna Dawn some Trails...... But Ren yearns to be acknowledged...... /silly#Anyways!! I'll stop yappin and complaining now lmao ^^; I hope y'all enjoy these lil updates!!#14DWY Discord... I sill see you all soon....... >:3c /j threat
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Stupid little Moral Orel comic with Orel and Reverend Putty to express something
#moral orel#orel puppington#moral orel fanart#reverend putty#my art#sketch#I promise I'll color one day 🐺🌙🌙🖤🖤⛓️⛓️🥀#Shut up Putty YOU have TISSUES 🗣🗣‼️‼️‼️#Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who actually enjoy my art#It means a lot y'know 🫶🫶#I really don't know if I'd keep posting without my gf and friends and mutuals and just support from them/you all#I fucked up Reverend Putty's glasses at first#I realized I barely draw any of them only Orel and Christina 😭😭😭😭#does this make sense to anyone else? Just me? Okay
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modern au; nonbinary steve
dustin bullies steve into playing their favorite MMO with them. to Dustin's disgust, Steve's favorite part is collecting all the different cosmetic items and making cool fantasy outfits for his avatar. unbeknownst to the party, steve creates an alt account where he can collect the female outfits and wigs, because there's a bigger selection and they're much prettier.
as Steve interacts w people on his new account, he realizes he likes it better-- for one, people pay attention to women in a way he isn't used to. not all of it is good attention, but steve relishes in it. also, he likes that people see him as a woman. he likes that they don't even think about it. quickly he joins a guild and actually starts playing the game in earnest, just so that he has these relationships with people who view and treat him as a woman.
he meets Eddie there. Eddie is charming and flirtatious with everyone, men and women, but it's clear that Steve is his favorite. Very carefully, Steve becomes closer and closer to Eddie-- close enough that Steve is full of guilt.
He feels like he's lying to Eddie about who he is, even though he's told the truth about everything but his gender. Even worse is the realization that he doesn't ever want Eddie to think of him as man-- which is confusing, because steve isn't exactly comfortable with someone he's falling in love with thinking of him as a woman.
Things get even worse when, after Steve drunk texts Eddie after a night out with Robin, they start sexting. Its fun, casual flirtation, nothing too serious, but Strve realizes he likes the idea of sex better as his alternate self. He likes pretending to have tits, he likes imagining what it would be like to have a cunt, he likes talking about wearing lingerie and being Eddie's good girl.
He thinks he can't come clean without losing the best thing he's ever had, so Steve pushes his guilt down and pretends he's not in love.
Of course he gets caught out, eventually. Dustin and Eddie become friends in real life and Eddie isn't an idiot. Steve is mortified and distraught, but once Eddie is sure that this wasn't all a cruel prank, he's quick to assure Steve that nothing has to change-- Knowing that in real life Steve has broad shoulders and a square jaw doesn't make him any more of a "man" than his online avatar makes him a "woman". Not if that's not what Steve wants.
So Steve doesn't have to give anything up. He gets to keep his amazing, supportive boyfriend. He gets to keep his pretty clothes and avatar. He gets to keep experimenting in the bedroom, finding out what makes him happy instead of what he thinks he should be doing.
And he gets more, things Steve never even dreamed of having: He gets to start buying pretty clothes in real life, too, and they hang next to his polos like they belong. He gets to grow out his hair. He gets to slowly find out what he likes, how he wants people to think of him, how he wants to think of himself.
#shut up az#steddie#catfishing in MMOs is a v common premise in East Asian m/m fiction#and I was reading like. The 12th one this year and thinking about what a narrative would look like if the catfishing wasn't done out of#Idk maliciousness or awkwardness but instead out of like a n exploration of gender#obviously someone in China isn't going to be allowed to write that but maybe one day I'll get a Japanese novel about it#however steddie seemed like a good conduit to get the thoughts put of my head
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back to business - zayne x reader (suggestive warning!)
"Isn't that what you want?"
"I've changed my mind now. Is that okay?"
You blink up at Zayne, eyes wide as he tilts his head, waiting for your consent to continue.
You let out a sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck as your bottom lip brushes his. "I want to hear it."
"I missed you," He whispers, lips pressed to yours as his hands rest on your waist, lips parted as you moan into the kiss. "Missed this pretty face of yours." He mumbles, lips pressed to the corner of your eyes. "missed your lovely personality," He whispers into your neck, biting you gently as you squirm in his grasp. "and missed the feeling of your skin on mine..." He sighs, unbuttoning his vest as he slides it off. "Still alright with it? Aren't you tired from the trip?"
"Are you going to leave me high and dry?" You bat your lashes at him, and he sighs.
"Alright. If that's what you want, love."
Great day to get the weekends off.
#A BLURB ON A WEDNESDAY??? SHUT UP#☾.blurbs#zayne x reader#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace#reader insert#☾.suggestive#i'll write an actual smut of the continuation of this card.. one day...
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Illustration from The Adventures of Peter Pan – Alice Bolingbroke Woodward // Wendy – Maisie Peters // Peter – Taylor Swift
#one day i'll shut up about these parallels but today is not that day#peter pan#wendy darling#alice woodward#wendy#wendy song#wendy maisie peters#the good witch#the good witch album#the good witch maisie peters#tgw#maisie peters#peter#peter song#peter taylor swift#the tortured poets department#ttpd#taylor swift#art history#art#lyrics#lyric art
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He's so nrnfhsjfhehshakww♡
#i desire him carnally#art practice#Art#enjoy my trash art#If you found the art I used as reference for this good job#jjk#jjk fanart#mahito#jjk mahito#My muse#i love him so much it's concerning#I hate him for his role but love everything else about him to an unhealthy degree#And yes#Two art posts in one day#I'm possessed ik#I can go on & on about him But I'll shut up#..for now
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Vienna 1989/90 giving me that tasty Tuggoffelees juice at the end of Mistoffelees' number. Love how Misto just spins Tugger away. It also actually reminds me a lot of a very similar duo spin dance at the end of this number that happens in Zurich with Lindsay Chambers' Misto, but instead it's with Munkustrap rather than Tugger.
And in Zurich's case, well, let's say that this Misto has a very different experience to Valentin's (who reminds me a lot of Tim Scott's Misto, especially with the makeup), and Munk is more showing he has accepted him fully.
@absolutehumandisaster - hope you don't mind me tagging you as I feel you'd be interested in my "little" tag ramble/thoughts on Valentin's vs Chambers' Mistos and how Valentin's is Chambers' Misto once he is fully accepted and has grown exponentially in confidence by the next Jellicle Ball.
#Cats the Musical#Rum Tum Tugger#Mistoffelees#Tuggoffelees#Valentin Baraian#Brian Carmack#would honestly be interesting to hear from Carmack#how he adapted to two very different Mistos#like Chambers' shy uncertain Misto is a 180 from Baraian's confident Misto#who is accepted as part of the tribe and is unafraid to show off his powers#(not that Chambers' Misto is afraid to show his powers- he definitely wants to show 'em off - see Gumbie Cat)#and even helps Munk out and takes the leadership role as regularly as he does#I like to think of Valentin's Misto as Zurich Misto when he's a lot more confident#in a year's time maybe a couple years' time#this is who Zurich Misto becomes one day#a confident and strong leader on the same footing as Munk#Also would love to ask Chambers why or how he interpreted Misto#the way he had - did he see others' Mistos before?#man I'd have SO MANY questions for all these actors!#wow what a big tag ramble I'll shut up now lol
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whenever I remember how good Missy was I'm like. man. will us Master fans ever feast that well again
#even at the time I knew I was getting above and beyond anything I'd hoped for#but it really hits home these days just how good we had it#maybe one day I'll emotionally prepare myself enough to rewatch Twelve's era...#Ranger yells about the Master#Ranger shut up about Doctor Who
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Every time I have a random day off, all I can think about is how much happier and more put together I'd be if we had four-day work weeks.
And not "sure, you can have a four-day week, but you still need to put in 40 hours in a week."
Just. Four days. Get your work done. Sign off when it's done, don't feel obligated to fill the rest of your day just to say that you did.
Imagine.
#emynn.op#personal#I'm lucky my work does half day Fridays BUT it DOES come with the assumption you're still doing about 40 hours#and when I first started there it was a godsend#and it IS still nice#makes it easier to book appointments or leave early for long weekends etc#but in general.....idk 'shut down at 12' quickly becomes 'just let me finish this one thing after lunch'#and then I have therapy Friday afternoons now so usually I'm still not mentally done until 5#but idk#Saturday was a rot day mixed with some holiday baking#Sunday I did a lot of chores but wasn't stressing#today I did more chores and holiday prep#and my house looks SO MUCH BETTER than it has in ages????#I've crossed things off my to do list that have been languishing there for weeks???#just imagine if I had this extra day every week#the pile up of 'oh I'll do this when I have more time/energy' would be so much less#anyway#ANYWAY. capitalism#kill it
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the official art for luffy's birthday is making me lose it everything about this is perfect... the beetles fight with usopp chopper and robin smiling as zoro is trying to catch the gifts from the mail birds franky in the background with his table-hair and luffy shining so brightly. the sun itself at the center of it all, doing nothing but being free and happy with his friends. his safest place. i'm going to cry forever
#zolu side note but zoro dropping the red gift which is about to fall right on top of the green one..#really makes me think#< insane person who only ships zolu when they see red and green anywhere: mhh is this about zolu?#EDIT: a very nice person made me realize zoro isn't dropping the gifts but catching them from the news coo!#well the red one is still falling on top of the green one...#yes alright alright i'll shut up#monkey d. luffy#happy birthday luffy#my angel my sun my everything#fool rambles#luffy day#official art
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Ren owns me 19 dollars I'm serious— ヽ(`д´;)/
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE UR GAMEEE, THE FIRST TIME I'VE PLAYED IT IT GOT A LITTLE BIT CONFUSING BUT IT WAS SO COOL!!! ^^ ( I lowkey had an 14dwu brainrot..)
I wanna ask what inspired you to make the game? ^^ and how did you think of ren/redacted are they inspired by someone? :00
⌞♥⌝ I made a popular yandere x reader fic back in 2014, fell deep in the Voltage inc/Shall We Date rabbit hole and felt inspired to do something similar with a yandere love interest in 2017, wanted to remake said project in 2022 for fun, and now here we are!!
As for Ren, he was inspired and derived from my Vocaloid/UTAU OC! She's a snide and pessimistic android whose personality does a complete 180 whenever she falls in love — aaaand she has pink hair and blue eyes (sound familiar?? lmao). In a similar vein, she was inspired by Sukone Tei and Toma from Amnesia fjhsdgj
#💌 — answered.#💖 — 14 days with queue.#💖 — about ren.#🖤 — shut up sai.#pwuseraphinee#The world isn't ready to learn that Ren's entire existence is based on 13 y/o me being so obsessed with Len Kagamine dgjhsgjh#Pooks went from being a yandere for Len; a yandere for her producer/person who used her voicebank; then a yandere for a librarian#Crazy work T_T#Maybe I'll make a VN for my android babey one day... It's what she deserves /silly /hj
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don't they know / it's the end of the world? / it ended when you said goodbye
#one piece#portgas d ace#monkey d luffy#im not built for this bro#ace was born feeling like the world scorned him for existing and thinking he'd spend his whole life searching for purpose#but one day out of the blue guess who the universe sticks him next to?#the one person who would love him unconditionally for the rest of both their lives#i'll never shut up about ace dying in the arms of the person who loved him most#they basically spent their whole lives together you know??#they've shaped so much of themselves around each other#ace died knowing he carried luffy's love with him all his life#and now luffy will spend the rest of his life carrying the love ace left behind#it's so over bro#asl brothers#d brothers
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