#//i need to go and do things but also i can't like. make myself get up right now hbfhs

[vaspider]

Listen to me. Listen very carefully:

They are trying to wear you out.

They are trying to wear you out, and they own most major social media now, along with many major media outlets. The disinformation machine is cranking along. You are going to have to slow the fuck down and read things before you help them wear out other people, too.

So you just saw a post about a real scary bill, hunh? Republicans want to make it a capital offense to pet dogs and repeal The Sky Is Blue Act of 1793, declaring the new official color of the sky to be squant? Damn, that sounds scary.

Let's go look up this fictitious "Make The Sky Squant Again Act" on GovTracker* & on the official legislative tracker on congress.gov!

Well, let's see... GovTracker estimates it has a 1% chance of even getting out of committee and a 0% chance of being enacted, while congress.gov says this bill has 2 cosponsors who have been in the House and combined total of less than a month. The bill doesn't have any actual text, and it was referred to 5 different committees.

That fictitious bill and a hundred others like it are quite literally not worth your time, and more than that, continuing to wring your hands about it and tell other people about the scary scary squant sky bill only does their work for them. It scares people, it makes them spend time and energy on it, and it wears them out. It is a legislative Gish Gallop, meant to throw so many things at people that we can't keep up.

Even calling or messaging your Rep in this case means their staffer has to waste time responding to you and letting you know that Representative Buttzonheads definitely won't support making petting dogs a capital offense, a thing that will never, ever happen regardless.

Staying engaged in this environment is going to require protecting your heart and protecting your energy, yes, but also protecting the energy of others. This is why WWII propaganda posters also included ones taking people to task for spreading panicky rumors and undermining morale.

Do you know why most observant Jews don't eat chicken and dairy together, even though the ban is on red meat and dairy together bc you're not supposed to cook the calf in the milk of its mother?** It's not because we think that chicken might secretly lactate or Just Because. It's because the rabbis decided that if I'm sitting out in public and eating turkey and cheese together, someone might glance at the turkey and mistake it for red meat and think, "oh, well, I know that Spider is a good Jew, there must have been a change, or maybe I can just justify it to myself that if Spider does it, it must be permissible to bend the rules just that much." And I would then be accidentally leading my fellow Jew astray. We are responsible for being even more careful for the sake of others than we are for ourselves.

It's the same principle here. We need to really be careful about the information we are spreading and check things past reading a news site. Is it true? Is it relevant? Is it meaningful? Is the news site one I recognize? Can I find meaningful independent corroboration on another site, which is to say, if I find an article about it on a second site, is it just quoting or rephrasing this site?

Yeah, that is a lot. But that's how we keep them from using us to lead our fellows astray.

*GovTracker is an independent site. They explain their methodology in their About section.

**I cannot say enough how I am not at this time interested in going on a Jewish Side Quest About Dietary Laws on this post. Usually, I love it, but hold off this time, please, y'all. Let's stay on target this once.

[taffywabbit]

I've been thinking about this song a lot again since yesterday, and if you'll indulge me in being overly wordy and a bit sentimental, I kinda wanna share some of my thoughts here:

so I alluded to this a bit while rambling on bluesky earlier, but early in the process of composing this song I REALLY wanted it to have lyrics. I tried writing some, and having looked at them again this morning, frankly they're kinda garbage and I stand by my decision to scrap them and let the music just speak for itself. but I only really wanted to write lyrics in the first place because I got ONE specific line (and subsequently a chorus, or at least one version of it) stuck in my head and wanted the rest of the song to kinda revolve around it.

the scrapped verses were sorta loosely about how, when you're younger, you tend to have a very straightforward and simple sense of optimism and justice - kids generally believe that things WILL just work out somehow, and often have surprisingly obvious and on-point responses when they learn about societal issues, but adults will often talk down to them and tell them they just don't understand how the real world works yet. and as you get older, that optimism gets conflated heavily with childlike naivety and kinda gets metaphorically beaten out of a lot of people over time, until they're just kinda consigned to the status quo and thinking of societal problems being too large/permanent for them to fix or influence.

this song was meant to embody a sense of rebellious optimism - a stubborn belief that we have a say in the kind of world we live in, and furthermore that our inner child would never forgive us for shrugging and giving up now that we're finally Adults and Adults are supposed to be the ones with the power to actually Fix Things. it was meant to evoke some nostalgia too, sure - thus the title "Grass Stains", which came from the scrapped first verse about childhood, and also just the general musical style being reminiscent of pop punk music I really liked as a kid and still tend to associate with summertime and old video games from that era. but more than that, I wanted to convey the idea that, sooner or later, we have to stop waiting for the Adults to decide how to fix things and get a hand on the ball ourselves; the idea that growing up should empower us, not make us cynical and detached and too tired to care anymore.

anyways, I will spare you most of the unfinished lyrics because I really do promise they're not interesting or good at all, but here's the chorus part and the specific last line that I was really fixated on back then and (for reasons that are probably not hard to imagine) thinking a lot about again now:

you keep pacing

so sullenly facing

away from the task left to you

why can't you see it?

if you want hope, then be it

those gears aren't just going to move

you gotta change the world, before it changes you

so yeah. shit's rough out there right now. shit's been rough for a while and it's gonna continue being rough for the foreseeable future. like I mentioned in the original caption, i wrote this song when I was feeling pretty awful (both mentally and physically, actually - I'm pretty sure I had covid for the second time when I made this lol) and needed something to perk up my mood, and it... kinda worked honestly? and now when I listen to it again I still kinda get a boost from it, especially if I let myself think back to the original message I was trying to imbue it with. it's hard for me to feel totally hopeless or unmotivated while I'm listening to it, and I hope that energy sorta comes through for other people too (though I would obviously be just as happy that people like the music I made anyways, without deeper context or ideas attached to it).

I guess i just wanna say this: remember that the world's gonna change one way or another, but your contributions to it are never meaningless, and their absence would be felt. and you also have the power to embolden and support those around you to become a stronger force for good together. the only real way to fail in all of this is to give up and lay down and let whatever happens wash over you, to believe them when they treat you like you're too small to be a threat or a challenge. and even if you don't believe your efforts matter to anyone else, let them matter to you. if you want hope, then be it. strive to be a force for good in spite of all opposition, and that goodness will in turn continue to propel you forwards.

ok I think that's about as sappy I can stand to be, I'm going to bed lol

hey i finished a new song!! check it out!!

my prompt for starting this was essentially "i'm in a bad mood and i want to make music that'll fix that". apparently what that translated to was whatever genre "music that would make 9-year-old me think they could do a backflip off the swings at the park" is, but like... it DID cheer me up? so, mission accomplished? i hope you enjoy it too!

♫ made with OpenMPT! ✎ cover art by me!

[lady-z-writes]

Zoro x Reader

In which reader can't sleep and Zoro's keeping watch...and then can't stop watching 👀

Cw: smut (18+), afab, alcohol consumption, swearing, groping, vaginal fingering, handjob, sex, creampie.

(Takes place after Thriller Bark, but nothing too spoiler-y. Why am I so embarrassed to post this? Anyway, I hope you don't hate it.)

It's late.

The only sounds are the waves crashing, quiet snores from the crew, and a few footsteps on deck.

Zoro opens an eye, glances toward the noise to see you making your way over to a rail and looking at the water. Silently, he watches you pull a hoodie over your head, yawn, then lean down, your hands cupping under your chin.

"It's late," he says, startling you. "You should sleep."

Upon further investigation, he notices it's his jacket you're wearing - one gifted to him from Water 7 after all that crap with the crew's belongings. He scoffed when he saw it, hadn't put it on more than once, and now that he thought of it, he'd left it in the kitchen.

Thief, he half laughs to himself.

Opportunist, he knew you'd correct.

"I'm up. I can keep watch. You need some rest." Your voice isn't groggy from sleep, clearly you'd been awake for some time now.

Zoro's body aches, a dull sensation he's grown used to, but his position on the deck isn't exactly comfortable. And given recent events, he knows he needs more time to heal.

You don't know the extent of it, but you sensed something was off with Zoro - moreso than normal.

"Can't sleep?" He ignores your offer.

"I...yeah," the look on your face is haunted.

He's silent again, observing.

"Some creepy shit on that boat, huh?"

It's almost like he sees you settle at his acknowledgment; your shoulders loosen, a sigh leaves you, you deflate.

"We've been through some crazy shit, absolutely, but that was...nightmare material."

Zoro nods slowly, silences.

"We're safe, though, right?" Your voice is a whisper.

He nods stiffly, "mhm."

You look misty-eyed and Zoro is almost uncomfortable. "Look, I don't know what happened, but something doesn't seem right. Please. Get some sleep."

He doesn't argue with you, like you expected. But he also doesn't get up to go to bed. Instead, the headstrong swordsman leans back against the mast, hands cradling behind his head, and is snoring in minutes.

---

When he wakes up, the sunrise makes him squint. He's stretching his aching joints when he notices you're still nearby, a blanket thrown over your lap, steaming cup of coffee in your hands, Sanji flailing at your compliment on the brew, and an enormous Franky-sized shadow plopped next to you commenting about the sunrise.

Despite all of this, you hear him get up, turn your attention to him, and for some reason, it...warms something long dormant in him.

"Good morning!"

He can't shake the damn feeling all day. Not when he scurries away to work out, not when Chopper insists on checking his wounds again, and certainly not when he runs chest-first into you when rounding the corner away from the infirmary.

You stumble back as his reflexes force his arms forward to grab you.

You're nearly topless and his cheeks heat up at the sensation of touching your skin.

You're so soft...

"S-sorry! Oh my God, Zoro!"

"What're you doing?" He nods down at you now that you're not toppled over. He crosses his arms, figures that will help him forget.

"A few of us are swimming. You should join."

"Hm."

"I'm sorry if I overstepped last night. I just...worry, I guess."

His eyes take you in and you feel so transparent under his gaze. Your skin heats up.

"Don't worry about me."

"Got it. I'll just shut my brain off then." You look almost irritated, flustered, defeated.

"It's not like that, y/n..."

"No, you're right. I overshare. I need to keep things to myself; take one from your playbook."

You try to move passed him, but he steps in your way. Doesn't put his hands on you again, you notice.

"You're insufferable," he speaks quietly. Your jaw drops. "So why the fuck can't I stop thinking about you?"

A moment passes between you two. You're too stunned to speak. Seconds later, Zoro side-steps you and walks away.

---

Zoro figured everyone was swimming in the inflatable pool from the soldier dock system - not pulled out on the grassy deck.

Zoro sighs, thinking he'd have peace staying away from it all, but as he's making his way to the crow's nest, Luffy calls him over and begs him to swim.

He locks eyes with you and you almost choke on the wine you're sipping.

"Fine, I'll stay," he removes his shirt and shoes, seats himself beside Luffy, shoves his feet in the water, and reaches past you to grab the bottle of wine.

Bold, you think.

But his expression tightens when his fingers accidentally brush your hip.

You're smirking behind your glass and it pisses him off.

This isn't some game, he thinks.

But after your concern about him last night and the attention he's noticed you're giving him...there's something stirring and he hates it.

Franky splashes you, knocking you from your daydream and you react instantly, setting your wine glass down, launching yourself at him and wrestling him in the pool.

Zoro watches, drinking from the bottle, tells himself he's not noticing the way the water drips down your skin, or how your playfulness with Franky stirs jealousy in him.

What the fuck was wrong with him today?

Shaking his head, he leans back, stares at the passing clouds, steadies his breathing.

"Bro, tell her how strong I am. Tell her she won't win!" Franky calls to Luffy, tossing you in the water. You're gasping for air, pulling up between Zoro's widespread legs as the splash of water from Franky's toss covers him.

What. Are. The. Odds?

Zoro feels himself blush as your dripping wet self emerges from the water.

You lock eyes.

You steal the bottle from his hand, take a long drink, never breaking eye contact, then splash him right in the face.

"That does it!"

Zoro is bodying you into the water.

"No, not the wine!" You whimper, trying to hold the bottle above water as you're tackled.

It feels good, the cold water. Feels even better when he grips your hips underwater, drags his thumbs across your skin, and hears your sharp inhale.

So you're feeling it, too?

Interesting.

It becomes sort of a test, to Zoro, to see how far he could push things before the tension snapped

Over the next few days, he catches you looking at him, especially when he's shirtless or working out - which is often.

You see him stealing glances at times, sometimes when you and Franky are interacting, especially when Sanji is near you.

Then there's a late-night drink you sometimes have - some rum mix Sanji makes you, but you insist on being alone in the aquarium bar. He honors it, always, just the two of you knowing you're down there...or so you think.

You enjoy watching the fish, the calm of the swaying ship, the crew asleep. It helps when the nightmares get you.

Only tonight, you hear footsteps.

"Sanji, I told you-"

Only it's not Sanji.

Zoro stands, hands in pockets, an eyebrow raised.

"You expecting Sanji?" There's a tone to his voice. His little tiff with the cook is humorous most days.

"No." You feel your heart rate increase.

"What, exactly, are you doing alone down here so often?"

"Are you watching me?"

"Keeping an eye," he corrects.

"I enjoy the ambiance down here."

Zoro nods, seats himself beside you on the red bench, stares at the fish.

"Even now?" He's got a teasing tone to his voice and you suddenly can't take it anymore.

One swift movement, you straddle his lap, set the drink on the back of the cushion, and lace your fingers in his hair. Your lips hover over his. The tension increases.

You pause.

"Do it," Zoro's gruff voice speaks quietly.

"You sure?"

"What, you afraid you can't handle me?"

Immediately, you're liplocked, kissed with a hunger you've never experienced before.

You grind down against his growing erection and he groans.

"Tease. You're such a tease."

"You've no idea," you mutter between kisses.

It's like Zoro is in a competition with himself; each kiss better than the last.

You're experimenting too; gripping his hair and nipping his lower lip to see what'll get those sexy noises from him again.

"Maybe this'll get you outta my head," Zoro hums, breathless when you trail kisses down his chest.

"Agreed. You're driving me crazy."

"Feeling's mutual," he grunts when you palm him through his pants.

"Fuck and get it out of our systems?" You suggest.

He freezes. Had he thought of that? He wouldn't like to admit it. He hadn't expected you to make the suggestion.

His hands reach under your skirt, fingering for your panties.

"Here?" You hiss.

"Yes, here," he grunts. "Why not?"

You really can't argue.

Especially when he's managed to get your panties off and has his fingers buried inside you, palm pressing against your clit like you like.

"Ah, so this is how to shut you up."

You give him a glare, but it's half-hearted.

"Just fuck me already."

"Hmm, such a dirty mouth," he presses harder against your clit. "Gotta warm up first, sweetheart," he speaks against your neck.

You hate that he got you so close so quickly.

"Zoro..."

"Hm?"

"I need you."

"I know you do. Now do me a favor and cum on my fingers, then I'll let you cum on my cock."

His words send you spiraling. You never knew he'd be like this.

You're gasping his name, riding his fingers as you come undone on his lap.

He's all too pleased with himself, seems confident until you say "my turn."

He won't last, he can tell from the first touch of your bare hand on his throbbing cock.

He hisses an inhale, tries hard to hold it together as you start stroking him.

"Fuck, I can't wait," you hum after a few moments.

He's almost praising your name as you slide down on his cock.

His head lolls back against the cushion as your fingers grip his shoulders and you ride him.

Feels nice to have you do all the work, as his body's still aching from the events on Thriller Bark.

Feels nice to just enjoy something for once, to not be in his head about training or strength. It's almost an out-of-body experience when you're taking him.

"Hey. Back here, wild one," you whisper against his ear. "Where'd you go, just now?"

He hums, "nowhere good."

"Then..." You pull back, speak, "right here," against his lips, and kiss him slowly, grinding down on him then shifting your hips up...back down.

It's bliss, he realizes.

Any other experience - shall he call it - he's had, it's a power thing; him topping, him working both parties into oblivion. Had he ever had someone just...please him like this, he wonders?

"Oi!" He yelps when you bite his collarbone. There's an acho from his quick smack of your ass.

"There you go again..." You shake your head, lick the reddening bite mark. He shudders. "Don't you want to stay with me?"

You're right. You're so, so right and he nods against your forehead as you pick up speed.

The sound of skin slapping together drags his attention lower, watching your bodies come together. He lifts up your skirt, groans, presses his thumb to your clit.

You don't take much longer to cum on his cock, the moment consuming Zoro's attention - the way you gasp for him, how your nails dig into his biceps, the look of your tits as you throw your head back and ride him.

"Okay," he huffs. "I'll give you those. Bet I'll get one more outta you before I'm done."

You huff a laugh. "I'll bet. Pretty cocky, huh?"

He laughs at your joke.

"Oh, I am."

It's not exactly the ideal place for this, but Zoro tosses you down easily - shifts his knees on either side of you, the red cushions squeaking against naked skin. His aching body protests, but he thinks of it as a workout as he pounds into you - kisses down your body, every bit of exposed skin.

He's distracting himself so he doesn't end this little dalliance too soon.

"Up," he taps your thigh, pulls out.

He stands, ready to have you suck his cock, get you nice and worked up with no stimulation.

Only you stand, turn, raise the skirt, glance over your shoulder, and bend forward.

Coy. Cute.

He's back inside you in seconds, unwilling to let you win this one.

"Tease," he accuses again.

"You're too much fun," you laugh.

The playful lilt to your voice is gone soon, as he gives you his all.

You're too stunned to speak; only heaved breaths and soft moans.

When he feels you orgasm again, his grip on your hip tightens.

"Okay, sweetness. On your knees," he grits out.

You look back, shocked, defiant.

"Zoro. Please."

It's all you need to say, because the way you're pushing back on him and begging, he's already too far gone.

He cums with a growled breath against your neck.

The two of you pause, breathing together in the afterglow. His hands remain on you moments too long, he's sure, but he wants to remember this, wants to pull back to it on those lonely nights.

"So," he huffs a laugh, "I won."

"Jerk."

---

It becomes addicting, this thing.

He's constantly in a state of wanting to improve, even in this.

And you're an eager participant, only trying to help.

😏

[raayllum]

Can you explain why Claudia is so upset with Terry when they reunite after he leaves? And why Terry, of all people, looks so guilty with her that he can't even look her in the eye? It's one of those things where you know this should all be reversed, but isn't. Why? Why is the betrayer so hostile to the betrayed?

God I loved the messy as fuck whatever they had going on Claudia and Terry dynamic in S7, and I think there's a few reasons why

One of the cruxes of Claudia's character is that she is attached to seeing herself as a good person, and others as not-good by comparison. This means that she can engage in the exact same behaviour and justify it while assuming that others' reasonings couldn't possibly measure up.

This cognitive dissonance is not exclusive to Claudia (Callum and Rayla in particular have a tendency to justify each other's choices in ways they don't with other characters, i.e. Rayla viewing dark magic use being 'evil' except when Callum is using it and he's the 'goodest' person she knows) but the focus on 'my view of myself' largely is. Most other characters in TDP are focused on "I still view this other person as a good person," not being focused on "I view myself as a good person". But Claudia is, and it's this core desire being increasingly pitted against "I will do vile, awful things to keep my family together" that are constantly duking it out.

When Claudia finds Soren and Terry waiting for her, it's clear that not only has Terry joined her brother, but has turned against her (as he could've left and then just fucked off somewhere else). This association with Soren, I think, is one of the things that gets her haunches raised, since Soren made it very clear what he thinks the last time they saw one another in 4x07:

SOREN: You have to stop trying to release the greatest evil this world has ever known. CLAUDIA: I knew you wouldn't understand.

All Claudia hears is "there's something wrong with you." That she's the bad guy and on the Wrong side (which, to be fair, Soren also calls her and Viren bad humans when trying to wake Rex Igneous in 4x09). And, by extension, that Soren is better than her. More correct, more moral, more Right.

And Claudia cannot stand feeling judged. She cannot stand being treated like 'the bad guy' (because of course from her perspective, everything she does is right) and she struggles to hold a conception of "I did something genuinely wrong and can still be a good person" (see: "We're not going to the dungeons Soren, we didn't do anything wrong") usually leaning into one or the other, and normally the latter.

So Terry being with Soren is also "you think I'm wrong, you think I'm bad, and you think you're Better than me" (vs Aaravos' "believed we could be better, so he gave us magic"). She thinks the pair are there to stop her, and she's not wrong, on a certain level.

So when Soren makes a gesture of good will, openly contingent on Terry wanting to spare her ("You're here to save me? How generous [...] I can change, and you will help me. Did I get everything?" Karim vibes), it's just seen as "you're showing off how/why you think you're Better than me" and was, quite frankly, never going to work.

Soren setting down his sword came closer, as it's more reciprocal, and it also symbolizes Soren setting down his mantle/duty (the same sword that killed Viren the first time, presumably). But Soren makes another mistake; the same mistake he made in 4x07:

Dad is dead, Claudia. You don't have to do what he wants anymore.

Set down your staff, Claudia. Dad's staff.

But while Claudia has been doing stuff for Viren, she hasn't done what he wanted in a long time. She's been doing what she wants ("You are not letting go, Dad!") for a hot second, and now alongside Aaravos. (I need to write a scene on her and Aaravos' talk in 7x06, but that's for another day.) And that has included taking down elves and dragons as a whole (and any elf that doesn't help her) for a while.

The dragons and the elves, all the arrogant fools blinded by the searing light of their own self-righteousness.

They are wrong, and she and Aaravos are right ("So much we can make right"). This is a very black-and-white viewpoint in many ways, one that some characters are faster as dismantling than others, but I have no doubt that Arc 3 will push it to its breaking point for all of them. Soren and Terry have thrown in their loyalties with the elves and dragons, since Terry was previously a "good elf Exception" alongside Aaravos because they were both helping her and, as previously discussed, Terry has now turned against her, and all the baggage Claudia carries about such a thing is now dumped onto him by proxy (which Terry doesn't necessarily know or understand).

So what does he look so guilty over?

Honestly? The illusion plan. I'm sure he's worried that Claudia might get hurt, and that things might escalate / go south, but he is ultimately there with a plan that is not what he wanted. What Terry wanted was to find the real Lissa and give Claudia a real chance to connect with her mother and maybe change her ways. But it's not real. It's deception, and he knows it.

TERRY: You lied to me! AARAVOS: I never lie. I simply said we needed a big feather and a very small feather. That is all. TERRY: No. You say you never lie, what you do is worse. You tell people half-truths and let people fill in the rest. You make people lie to themselves. It's deception. It's manipulation, and it's wrong.

She betrayed him, and now in his own way he's betraying her.

So what makes him decide to turn around and do something... similar, shall we say? There's a few things. The first is that they're on a time limit and have no way to reach Lissa. The second is that it's plausible the others were going to do it anyway, and Terry accompanied them because 1) he couldn't stop them, 2) he felt responsible, and 3) hoped that his presence would make a positive difference to Claudia.

The second is the other half of what Aaravos says to Terry, I think.

TERRY: I'll tell Claudia. AARAVOS: Oh, it will change nothing. She loves me. [...] And what of Claudia, then? She knows so much more than she tells you, and she keeps it that way to protect you.

Now, Terry rightfully understands that Claudia wasn't keep things from him to protect him; she did it to use him and to keep him from leaving ("I knew he'd leave once he found out"). However, Terry being willing to live in a half-truth and employ one on Claudia because he genuinely believes it will help her, because he thinks it's a truth he needs to withhold to protect her ("You have to promise me that no harm will come to Claudia" is most easily kept if she backs down)... that I can believe, especially since it lets him believe that she's capable of change/quitting. He wants to Save her, not use her.

That doesn't mean he thinks it won't Hurt.

[star-lights-up]

cherik but they go to therapy and they learn how to love in a way that is not harmful to the other

ooooh I love this!!

Assuming it's a writing prompt (if it's not i'm sorry it is now)....

Neither Charles nor Erik really WANT to go to therapy. Erik is very much a "keep it inside, I am fine, I am fine fine fine" guy and Charles is a DIY guy. He'll fix everything and anything himself. Talking to someone about problems and emotions? "we've got that at home! It's called an inner monologue, or a friend, or a journal."

At some point (aka after about six months of big, blowout fights where things get SERIOUSLY broken. Dishes and stuff like that. Also Erik leaving occasionally after them and Charles falling back into deep depression) Raven convinces Hank to team up with her and blackmail Charles and Erik into going to therapy.

("Couples therapy, marriage counseling, individual therapy, I don't fucking care what they do but something needs to happen. Or I will murder both of them myself. C'mon, Hank, I know you've got at LEAST one thing we can get Charles with...." "Raven, that's blackmail...." "So?")

Charles is skeptical, but manages to stay friendly when they first meet their counselor. Erik is being a grump and barely opens his mouth.

Then, at their first appointment, shit just... goes south. They start arguing, Erik storms out, Charles starts having a whole big mental breakdown, the counselor is sitting there like O___O

"Why can't I fix this?" Charles sobs, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. It's what he's been thinking ever since he met Erik, really, ever since they started fighting and kissing and running to and from each other.

And the counselor is just like, "This isn't... It's about you and him, growing together and leaving space for each other's opinions. There's not anything you can do to "fix" it, because it's just a process. Learning to respect each other. And you certainly can't do it all on your own."

Charles nods and sniffles and manages to regain his composure. He apologizes, and leaves.

Erik's sitting in the car outside, still fuming. And Charles gets in and he's just super quiet. They start driving back home without another word.

Then when they're in the driveway Charles is just like, "Erik, I can't say our situation is all your fault. I hold the blame too. But I need you to try. For me. Please." Then he gets out and goes into the house and Erik's just sitting there in the car feeling angry and confused and stuff.

The next week up until their second appointment is quiet. They don't fight, they just don't really talk that much. Evening chess games are quiet. Erik sleeps in the spare room, and neither of them mention it.

They fight again at the next appointment, but Erik doesn't leave this time. And that tells Charles that he's trying.

The third appointment, it's Erik's turn to break down in tears. Charles holds him while he cries. That evening, Charles asks him to stay, to sleep in their bedroom again, and he does.

Slowly, appointment by appointment, they learn how to talk to each other again -- and how not to talk to each other. Charles realizes that there's certain things that he just has to not critique Erik for, even if he doesn't support them, and sometimes things just aren't as big of a deal as he makes them. And Erik realizes that he can't keep avoiding the hard conversations, even when he thinks that him staying will just be a burden to both of them.

They fight less. The remaining arguments are less destructive, too, and sometimes they're almost having fun, debating with each other. They can be seen holding hands, smiling again when they're around each other. They go on dates again, and more often.

Raven says a triumphant "I-told-you-so!" Alex, Sean, and Hank owe money after a month of no broken dishes.

And Charles and Erik? Well, they're happier than ever.

[zeekszooks]

The only thing I want my ai robot to do that might be considered "pattern watching" and "generative" would be a Baymax.

Basically using a data log with trial and error in order to just be kind of a care robot. Though technology now is WAY too under advanced and at this point should send people to doctors rather than y'know play doctor?

Also this 'Baymax' would also HAVE to be made by doctors like reason why the Baymax we know took trial and error. (Honestly in the movie 84 tries is a mindblowingly low for success good on him tho.) Though that's the difference. Real life Baymax is not a replacement to the real deal human... as well as the tool that doctors use.

Humans are still needed and it is a tool to assist. It shouldn't replace the entire process. I say the only time the genertive is ok is IF you don't literally copy and paste then say you did all the work. You either use it as a reference or guide to improve your craft.

Also I don't respect AI that is programmed by artwork that was unvoluntary. It's like hearing the quiet kid say a joke then saying it louder and not saying 'oh I was just saying it louder _ is a hoot right guys?' Like those artist didn't want you to take and use their art without credit.

Though even WITH credit it's pretty ... well scummy... like... honestly I'd compare it to more like the Honey extention. You didn't ask you didn't tell and boy howdy even if you did tell you really shouldn't have. ... no really...

The first one I mentioned COULD be like a walking 911 machine for the human if they... like are close to hard attack or stoke ect to get humans... the whole point is the end result is human doing the thing. If AI did the whole task it gets rid of the humanity... and charm... and art... is very much a 'Why did you put this here what is the meaning nice brush what settings?' (VERY MUCH SO WITH ABSTRACT TOO.)

Artist help artist grow. AI helps me get very uninterested in the your art because there was no well... choice, with symbolism or anything. No, 'Why did they put this here?' Not even a, 'Is that a style choice? It seems consistant enough though I might ask if it's a headcannon or possibly an au!'

It's just:

Me: "Oh cool what brush did you use I wanna try it out to try myself!"

Random Person: "It's AI good prompt right?"

Me: "Uh neat. Gonna use it as a reference?"

Random Person: "Nope this is it. I could NEVER draw. You people are just born with a talent."

Me: "Huh."

My inner monolouge: They are not going to improve their craft? Like at all? Practice is all it takes... this is boring now I can't even think on why they chose a heart instead of a star because it was probably an AI error.

Me: "Cool thx bye."

Also... btw I wasn't born with the art skills I have... it takes a lot to improve. Also I still think I can improve. (Artist curse trying not to say I suck)

I don't know if Op agrees but just know I'm agreeing people are using it poorly but also not for a better use. I do think Op prefers a human making the art in the end at least.

i wonder if these ai people are thinking that im gonna be like "aahh!! you're right!! ive been such a fool !! certainly i can tell a robot to make something for me and it'll be just as good as something i can make with my own hands!! thank you, group of buffoons!" im not man. im really not

[genderqueerdykes]

Another weird thing about the TME/TMA thing is that the people who push it often believe that any suffering or bigotry we face for being transmasc is by nature lesser. When like I can list on and on the social alienation and violence we face and have faced myself as a transmasc person.

And also it doesn’t fucking matter what intent a bigot has behind their violence, if they’re pointing their violence at me I’m still a victim of that violence! I had a friend almost got attacked while walking down the street cause he’s a trans dude who was wearing drag. Like aw man sorry you got attacked by violent bigots, it seems however your labels don’t match up with that bigots intent. Guess what happened to u doesn’t mean anything!!!! What a weird concept.

i'm sorry you experience it as well. it sucks ass, i'm so tired of people trying to weigh transmasculine oppression vs. transfeminine oppression on a scale to see which one's heavier. like stop that, why are we trying to compare situations to see who has it worse? why are we telling people who are also oppressed that their struggle is "lesser"? what does that accomplish? all it does is hurt the person being downplayed. it doesn't uplift trans women to put other people down. that's not how this works.

i really don't fucking understand this current mindset of "person who has it The Worst gets to talk all the time forever for as long as they want and be as rude as they want and everyone who has it Less Bad has to shut the fuck up and sit with rapt attention and listen and never speak or comment or have an independent thought of their own on what they got lectured on." those people still have problems even if they're ""less"" bad, why do only certain groups of people get to talk about them? everyone in the queer community has problems, it doesn't matter the "severity," they all deserve to be discussed. and yet.

i'm really sorry that happened to your friend, holy shit. that is terrifying. but it happens. you're dead on the money. it doesn't matter what their intent is. they committed an act of violence. it does NOT matter what was going through the attacker's mind. they chose to commit an act of violence. sitting there on your petty ass high horse going "well akshually, i have a transfem friend who got attacked by TWO bigots and it was way worse so be grateful and shut up," isn't helping a goddamn soul. please stop shutting people up when they talk about their pain and trauma.

i don't know how else to tell every other transfem and trans woman on this website that we are not the only trans people who suffer. like i really need every single one of us to step down off the damn horse already and admit that we aren't the only fucking queers that suffer because we're not. we can't keep controlling the narrative like this. that's what we're doing at this stage. we are COMPLETELY controlling the narrative, making it ENTIRELY about us and our suffering and how we have it bad. we DO have it bad. but other people do, too. y'all GOTTA accept that other people suffer. y'all GOTTA accept that trans men are assaulted and killed every single day for being trans men. y'all GOTTA accept that most trans men don't and will never benefit from patriarchy. y'all GOTTA accept that transmascs and trans men have it really, really damn bad too.

i am honestly just so sick of the victim complex already. can we finally discuss how these currently emerging transfeminine and trans woman victim complexes are just out of fucking control at this point. i've wanted to talk about this forever and it's just getting worse right in front of my damn eyes. i've been in transfeminine spaces for a long time, but lately i just don't have a single desire to spend time in them. way too much arguing. way too much hostility. way too much anger directed at the wrong people. yes we are miserable, yes we suffer, yes we are heavily oppressed, yes we ARE very much victims. but so many transfems and trans women make that their entire ass personality and it's gotta stop.

womanhood isn't about being a victim. i don't know if i like the idea of making "woman" and "victim" synonymous. that's not empowering. that's not feminist. if you only see yourself as a victim, that's what you'll be. you will never progress to being a survivor if you keep thinking like that. you can't turn being a victim into a personality. it's a state of being, but it's not an identity. you are relinquishing power when you voluntarily identify as a victim. you are surrendering your control voluntarily if you keep throwing your hands up in the air and giving up like this.

someone else talking about their suffering doesn't diminish ours. someone else talking about their pain is not somehow an attack on you. trans men and transmascs talking is not an attack on you or transfemininity or trans womanhood. trans men existing are not an attack on you! stop with the victim complex already! it's not empowering! not everything is an attack! the world sucks but not everything is an attack on trans women and transfems!!!

i don't fucking care how much it offends you that people other than you suffer, but they're not talking about their suffering to make you feel like yours is lesser.

so why are you doing it to them?

[lucy---lou]

Continuing my last blog.

"No we haven't cuddled yet, let's watch a movie"

"I really don't like movies or anything like that but we could play a cardgame", I say blushing again. Why would she cuddle with me? I've known her for 2 hours top.

"Oww ok, let's play this old terran game uno, but FLORET Editon", she first pouts then beams at me.

Floret Edition oh no, either two possibilities in that. First the good one. Nobody can lose and the reward is cuddels. I'm sort of ok with that. The other option is we're getting drugged. Stars NO.

"what makes it the floret Edition?", I ask already shaking.

"I'll tell you in the Livingroom, you're going to like it", Ellie says with a smirk.

I move to jump of the high bench as I normally would and before I really leave the surface,"iiieeep", I'm caught in a lot of vines.

"Little one I won't let you possibly hurt yourself, now behave", miss Duralis says with a stern but playful voice. Her eyes flashing bright colours at me, locking me in for a few seconds.

"Y-Yes Miss Duralis"

She picks up Ellie as well and we are both deposited on a huge couch.

"Mistress can you please get the playing cards while I explain the game?", Ellie asks looking absolutely adorable.

"Sure thing my petal"

"So you have to get rid of the cards on your hand. We play in turns. You can lay a card of the same colour or the same number as the previous one, if you can't you have to draw one from the stack. -thank you Mistress- There are special cards like this one. You can always lay it in your turn and you can choose the colour. And this is the best card if I lay it you have to draw 4 cards but you can also stack them and if I have one aswell it you would have draw the cards unless you had another one. And for being so brave in drawing a card you'll get petted by Miss Duralis for every card you have to draw"

Ah thats the catch in floret edition.

"Did you get everything?"

"Yes I think so, but I don't want to be petted", trying to save myself.

"Don't be silly Lucy everyone loves being petted"

"First round no pets for Lucy, ok?", Miss Duralis says but with a smirk?

Halfway through the first round everything is alright. Ellie gets a few pets, I refuse everytime. I stare a little at them, then Miss Duralis winks at me.

"Jealous?"

I blush and look away. I feel a prick, my body flinshes. But I think nothing of it.

"Everything alright Lucy?", Miss Duralis asks me looking a bit sad.

"Yeah everything good. Just caught my skin in the zipper. Let's continue"

Everyone nods

Since when do my clothes feel so good?

"Lucy your turn", Duralis giggles.

"Oh sorry"

Wow this cough is really comfy I could live on here. I wiggle around baking in this sensation.

"Ellie to Kitten it's your turn again"

"ooops", I blush. Why can't I keep track?

I can here this really nice rhythm. I could listen to it for ever and close my eyes.

"Lucy you have to draw eight cards"

"Hmm ok", I slowly look up again giving Duralis the puppy eye look.

I see something approaching me not really processing anything, something touches my head.

"mmmmhhrrrpf", a quiet moan. I feel my cheeks burning.

"mmmmmmrreeeeeeowwwww", a not so quiet moan and I fall forward onto the playing cards between us. Whatever was touching me, isn't anymore.

"Nnnyyyyo", trying to grab where I think the thing touching me was.

"Oh you need more, sure thing kitten. You'll get as much as you want", Miss Duralis says with a smile. I can't see it but I can feel it.

"Wow Class-As really did a thing on her and I can tell why you say she's a kitten. Mistress, do you think she will mind if I cuddle with her"

"No I don't think so, she likes you alot even if she doesn't admit it."

I feel somebody brush along my body and hug me. I don't care and drift into blissful sleep.

[crowsofdarkness]

Moment Of Weakness: Chapter Nineteen

-gif not mine. credit to owner-

Pairings: Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Content Warnings: language, 18 + smut, angst, fluff, affair, cheating, violence, kidnapping, faking a pregnancy.

Summary: Reader is the assistant to New York's most feared mob boss, James Buchanan Barnes. He had the picture-perfect life: status in the mob, friends, and beautiful wife. So why can't he keep his mind and eyes off of reader?

Authors Note: I just wanted to remind everyone who reads this, there are heavy moments of cheating/having an affair in this story. You might not agree with the actions of "reader" or Bucky but it does pertain to the storyline. If anyone is interested, tags are open for this! Just send me a message or comment!

Tags: @cjand10 @generalmoonpolice @sapphirebarnes @baw1066 @nameless-ken @minami97

I walked into the building, smiling bright as the morning sun, ready to finish this work day already. After he left last night, Bucky promised that when he would come by tonight, he would stay the night. He had planned on telling Natasha that he had to go out of town for something mob related. 

There was already a list of things I had planned; dinner at home, a movie cuddled together on my couch, and a warm bath to end the night. It was something that we had yet to do, a proper at home date. 

My body jumped with excitement every time I thought about it. 

A frown pulled at my lips when I noticed that Bucky’s door had been closed. He didn’t have any meetings planned so there was no need for it to be shut. Bucky also always took his phone calls with the door opened. 

I placed my things on my desk and softly knocked on the door, only to be met with silence. The thought of if he was coming in today or not crossed my mind so I sent him a quick text. 

Are you not coming in today? 

Some time would pass before I would even get a response. Three hours to be exact. 

By the time Bucky had decided to text back, it was nearing lunch hour and I was busying myself to run to the deli across the road to pick us all up something. Steve and Sam were playing a card game on the couch that sat across from my desk and Steve noticed the worried look on my face. 

“Everything alright?” 

By the mere tone in his voice, I could tell that the relationship we shared was not the same anymore. 

“Yeah,” I mumbled, not bothering to take my eyes away from the text on my phone. 

I’m held up in my office all day, sorry.

It was short, to the point. No sweet names or cringey emojis that Bucky had just found out of. This wasn’t like him, something being different; off. 

Steve stood to walk over to me. “Bucky?” 

I peered over his shoulder to make sure Sam wasn't paying attention and nodded. 

“Have you talked to him at all? I feel as if he’s avoiding me,” I said. 

He hesitated, unsure if he should even say anything. I could see it in the way he avoided my gaze, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

Steve was hiding something from me. 

“What do you know?” I asked. 

“I can’t be the one to tell you, Y/N. Bucky has too.” 

With a gentle squeeze on my shoulder, he went back to his previous spot on the couch. 

I gnawed on my bottom lip while gazing at the still shut door to Bucky’s office and decided to give it one more try, seeing if he would talk to me. 

“Bucky, can I come in?” I asked after my knuckles tapped against the door. 

There was quite a bit of shuffling behind it and my heart hammered when the door opened, revealing a very stressed Bucky. 

My voice lowered. “Are you okay?” 

He nodded. “I’m going to skip lunch today.”

The door shut just as fast as it opened and I was left staring at it, tears brimming in my eyes. 

“Y/N,” Steve’s soft voice called from behind me. 

I blinked a few times, tears splattering over my cheeks, and quickly grabbed my things to head to lunch.

I don’t know what I did to make you so upset with me but I don’t appreciate the cold shoulder all day. I’m about to leave for the day and you’ve barely come out of your office.

I hit send on the text while walking back to my desk from the bathroom. The day went on at a slow pace, my eyes darting from my computer to Bucky’s still shut door, not once seeing him come out of his office. That was the third text I sent him all day and with yet no response, I decided that tonight was officially off the table. He would not be rewarded with spending the night with me after ghosting me all day. 

As I returned back to my desk, I noticed that the door was wide open, and my feet practically dragged me across the threshold. Until I stopped myself when I saw that he made no effort to look away from his phone when he heard me walk up. Not even a quick glance my way. 

“Asshole,” I grumbled, plopping into my chair. 

Six minutes. That’s all I had left of my work day and I could go home to wallow in self pity in private. 

I used that time to scroll through Instagram, not having the chance to be on it all day. My thumb froze over one post, almost unsure to like it or not, because everything around me faded to black. Ears rang loudly with white noise and my heart dropped to the depths of my stomach as it shattered. The pain caused a sob to leave my lips. 

Cannot wait to meet you baby Barnes. Coming in six months. 

My vision blurred from the tears that spilled everywhere but I still could see the picture Natasha had posted announcing her pregnancy. It was a picture of a positive pregnancy test with her and Bucky’s vibranium hand holding it. 

With a broken gaze, I looked over to him and was shocked that Bucky was already watching me. His own eyes were broken, tears pooling in the corners of them. 

“I’m so sorry, doll,” he mouthed. 

No words were able to form, my mouth had run dry. I didn’t know what to say, to be honest. All I could do was gather my things and storm out of the office, the door slamming behind me shaking the walls. 

The persistent knocking on my front door was becoming too hard to ignore, it going on for the last five minutes. In tangent with my phone ringing, not stopping for a second. I did my best to tune it all out, staring off into the void of my living room wall, wishing it would stop; wishing everything would stop. 

“Doll, please open up.” 

“Go away,” I yelled, the anger suddenly bubbling to life. 

“Please let me explain!” 

I scoffed while shaking my head, even if Bucky couldn’t see. “Explain?!” 

Everything I had been avoiding came rushing to the forefront when I heard him begging me to let him in, to explain his actions. 

My feet dragged me to the door and I opened it with such force, it created a small wind tunnel. Bucky didn’t bother waiting for me to let him in, he pushed himself past me. 

“I’m so sorr-.” 

His apology was cut off by a hard slap to his face, my palm already stung with redness. 

Bucky rubbed at the raw spot where I had hit him and his jaw tensed. “You hit me.” 

“Trust me, I want to do a lot more!” I seethed. 

“Can you calm down so I can explain?” He begged. 

“Calm down?!” My voice bellowed. “You get your wife pregnant, hide it from me, then come here to explain yourself? How the fuck can I calm down?!” 

My shoulder rammed into his as I walked past him and down the hall towards my bedroom. His footsteps that echoed down the hall told me that he was following me close behind. 

“I wanted to tell you, Y/N. All day I tried to come up with the best way,” Bucky said. 

I spun on my heels and pushed him hard in his chest, my actions doing nothing to deter him. 

“Fuck you, Barnes! You’re such a liar!” 

I began beating his chest with my fist, pure hatred fueling my momentum. And he stood there, taking every hit. 

Out of breath, I let my fists fall to my side, and felt my chest rise and fall each time I swallowed a large amount of air. 

“Feel better?” Bucky asked. 

My eyes narrowed. “Go fuck yourself. I never want to see you again.” 

His shoulders dropped. “You don’t mean that.” 

I nodded, even if I didn’t believe it myself. “Get out.” 

Bucky didn’t move so I pushed him harder in his chest. “Leave. Now!” 

“Doll-.” 

I smacked him yet again, this time with so much force he stumbled back onto my bed. 

“You lost the right to call me that, Bucky! I can’t believe I fell for your lies again.” 

I ran a shaking hand through my hair. “I allowed myself to ignore the red flags because I cared that much for you. I believed that you wanted me, wanted a future with me. I bet the divorce was a lie too.” 

Bucky vigorously shook his head. “I promise you. That was all true. Matt finished the papers this afternoon.” 

“When did it happen?” I abruptly asked. 

He hesitated, unsure how to answer. “A few months ago. It was the night I drove you home from work and we had sex in the back seat.” 

If my heart wasn’t in a million pieces before, it for sure was now. 

“You’re such a dick!” I screamed while pushing him down on my bed. “I knew you were still screwing her.” 

Bucky leaned his elbows onto his knees and held his head in his hands. “You don’t understand how terrible I feel, Y/N. I wish I could take it back.” 

I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. “Are you still leaving her?” 

He gazed up at me, lips parting and eyes welling with tears. “I can’t. She’s having my child.” 

My eyes shut, his words giving me exactly what I needed to end this. 

I pointed towards the door. “We’re finished, Bucky. You need to leave.” 

He was fast on his feet to reach for me. “No, this doesn’t have to end.” 

“Yes it does!” I wailed. “It’s one thing to break up a marriage but I refuse to break up a family.” 

Both of us were crying, not bothering to stop or hide the tears, and Bucky wanted to reach for me, fight for me, but knew that there was no changing my mind. 

“What about work?” He asked with a glimmer of hope. 

I gnawed on the inside of my cheek. “I can’t afford to quit. So I’ll see you next week. I need to take some time off.” 

Bucky nodded. “I didn’t want to hurt you, doll.” 

I grabbed my elbows, bringing my arms closer to my chest and avoiding his gaze, keeping my eyes trained to my feet. The only thing I could hear over his footsteps walking away from me was my broken cries, my body collapsing to the ground. 

[fangdokja]

Heeeyyyyy it's me again lolll, sooooo have you checked out love and deep space (otome game with fighting monsters)? If not then you should, there are many hot characters there, i was rereading you paternal privileges and thought that "oh this is so zayne(one of the characters from love and deep space)" cuz if he's going to have a twisted side this really matches him well

Yeahhh, heyyyy. Prepare for unstructured Fang Dokja rambling.

Glad to see that you're also enjoying and reading the other stories. Paternal Privilege vibed more in Ao3 than in Tumblr, but I personally liked it as well. One of my first sex stories in general. Got lots of practice in it. And, in Ao3, people loved the ending haha. Thanks for sharing your input on it. It's appreciated :))

OK. I knew I'd get this question one day. And, I know some of you are Love and Deepspace (LaDs) fans (and also K-pop fans, especially you guys, I don't know why you're following me ahahhaha, but it's welcomed. Sorry, don't know much about K-pop like I hardly know DC).

OK SO! Of course I know this game! I played the game it was inspired by, Mr. Love Queen's Choice for more than 3 years! DADDYYYY VICTORRRR. I still have my account, whahhaha. Yes. This is bringing back memories.

And in Love and Deepspace's early release, like official first day, I was there! So, yes, I've played it.

Playstyle and graphics were cool. And, as a competitive gamer in general, ofc it was right up my alley. A bit clunky at first release, needed some adjustments, but generally good. It was way better in terms of graphics than Mr. Love, especially the interface and menus.

Though, I'd say what turned me off is I related more to the MC of Mr. Love than LaDs. Didn't really vibe with the MC of LaDs, a bit too emotional and outspoken for my tastes. Felt ENFJ (sorry, can't relate AT ALL to ENFJ's and ESFJ's especially) not gonna lie hahhahha. But, it's been so long since I played, so sorry if I get details wrong. Anyways...

I was just not vibing with the MC, and low-key plot as well. But, then again, maybe I expected too much. It usually happens when I do. I get so excited than it falls short of my expectations, and then I'm like ehh. So I just low key turn off my brain. It's also to prevent myself from spoiling myself. You have no idea how many times I've unwittingly spoiled myself in ANY fandom! It's genuinely unreal. So, it's like I have to stop thinking so I don't ruin those "huzzah" or "woahhh" moments for myself as a reader or audience.

Ok, back to the topic.

Why am I not making yandere content on it? Simple.

Because of this RULE:

Some characters remind of me of real life people too much, like for example, most “soft” and “green flag characters”. Reminds me of my friend’s boyfriend. And that person is gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. It’s fricking weird. But in general, most reasons I don’t write certain characters is because it reminds me too much of people I know in real life.

My friend and I don't share stories. AT ALL. That includes any fandom, manga, anime, manhwa, video games, etc. There are some exceptions, but usually we have separate fandoms.

So, when I introduced this game to share with my friend. Majority of the characters, from the graphics to their behavior, fit my friend's boyfriend more. Reminded her of him more.

Didn't really find anyone that reminded me of my husband (only 4 main guys before). I do play games, or do anything really to spend time with him. And even in things like this, I do this so I can analyze my husband, think about him and brainstorm, etc. Just basically husband simping for me.

So, in conclusion, probably not gonna talk a lot about Love and Deepspace. And besides, I don't think the MC is like me anyway, so it's fine. I just have to not look at ANY fanart, 'cause man IT IS EVERYWHERE. I have to LITERALLY avoid it like the plague so I don't tempt myself.

Uh... I have a gaming addiction. HAHHAHAHA

Sorry, but strict rules being obeyed here as well in the friendship. We DO NOT SHARE STORIES. End of story. Hope you guys understand, though.

Yes, we're weird.

WARNING: The information below is just extra husband simping. Proceed with caution.

God, I am waiting for official international release of this game ESPECIALLY (when it comes to otome games):

My LORD, I will waiitttttt. If it's possible to release, Your will be done!! haha

As you can tell, I'm weak to muscles ahahahahahahhahahaha. Why? I love my husband so much, he's so handsome. I am weak.

OSBORN I JUST KNOW IT'S OSBORN aghhhh. especially him. But seriously. huuu well, my husband doesn't like talking about himself with anyone else besides me, so just have to use "analogies" like characters lollll.

Though, none can compare to my husband, of course. He's leagues above anyone else huuuuuuu. I love him so much.

I also told you guys. I relate to these memes. VERY. VERY. VERY MUCH.

You have no idea.

WAHAHHAHAH.

*exposes self*

But, I just love my husband so much. So, so, so much.

Yandere! Stepfather & Stepdaughter

Novella 1 : Paternal Privilege

He’s your family, but he doesn’t act like it.

🔞Pleasure in every strike, pain in every kiss.

🔞In the end, love is both their salvation and their damnation.

🔞His love is suffocating, but she’s forgotten how to breathe without it.

🔞Love shouldn’t feel like drowning, but he’s the only one who can save her.

She fell, but not by accident. He made sure of it.

[fuck-customers]

I am actually pretty glad that the company that has treated me horribly and fucked me over and over is (most likely) being shut down. There's a 50/50 chance that the company will be bought out by Buyer A who will keep the stores running and revamp the company (or so we're told) or be bought out by Buyer B who will liquidate. (I don't want to give too much info at risk of exposing myself, but I think this is probably enough to figure out what I'm talking about. It's almost definitely obvious to ither employees of Company) I feel almost equally about either option, but I kinda want Buyer B because of some immature part of me that's going "haha yeah fuck you, that's what you get for being such a garbage company that treats your employees (and customers) like shit. You're a waste of retail space" but also I recognize that the satisfaction will last for like 5 minutes, max, before I'm like "well now I'm fucked and out of a job, so..."

Idk where I'm going with this. It's just kind of a rambly vent. I absolutely hate job hunting (as does everyone) and this is actually my first "real" job, as my previous job was a short-term seasonal gig, so I'm very nervous on a personal level because I do not feel confident that I have enough work experience nor enough job hunting experience to be able to get another job. Especially since it is after the holidays but before the summer season. Aka: the dead zone of hiring times. Hopefully I'll be able to fall back on filing for unemployment if I have to.

But I'm trying to focus on all of the fucked up moments at this job as a kind of admittedly bizarre inspiration tactic. Kind of like "hey maybe my next job won't have management that makes fun of me for my disability" and "maybe I won't have a manager that yells at me and treats me like I'm stupid in front of customers and causes me to cry in the bathroom and then the other manager who wasn't even there that day piles on the bullying by essentially saying (I'm paraphrasing) that the first manager is justified in yelling at me because I am stupid"

Idk honestly I'm the type that could perform really, really well if I am just shown how to do my tasks and then left alone to do them. That's it. I don't need to be micromanaged. I know how to and will ask for help if needed. But unfortunately, I do not have qualifications, so I most likely will end up at another retail job, which is just the same thing in a different packaging.

I am sorry you may be losing your job and I really hope you find a better one that treats you right.

But for the life of me I can't figure out what company is and what company A & B are. would you be willing to send an anon ask with that and I promise I won't publish it. But if not I understand.

-Rodney

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

This one goes out to all the bitches who love some good Safehouse Era Horror. It's me, I'm bitches. I want Jon and Martin to be fucked up and eldritch but I want them to be fucked up and eldritch and loved

(Notes under the cut because I can't help myself. Heads up, I do go into some detail of how Jon gets injured so I can explain my thought process for how I designed his scars. All canon-typical and fairly clinical in tone.)

Here's how I picture Safehouse Jon!

He doesn't need glasses anymore by this point, so he should just be wearing empty frames, but I drew this before I settled on my glasses headcanons. This drawing looks better with the reflection anyways.

He hasn't gotten a haircut since before his promotion to Head Archivist. He doesn't love the weight of it on his neck, but he also uses it to fidget, and he really doesn't want to go through the whole process of cutting it. He's disliked haircuts since he was a kid (People: Bad. Small talk: Bad. Touching: Bad. Loud sounds: Bad. People talking all at once: Bad) and since his time with the Circus he's only grown more reluctant to go and get it done.

At this length his hair is naturally pretty curly but he is. Not taking care of it. I actually put a lot of effort into trying to make it look brittle and tangled (I have a lot of experience lol, my hair is quite thick and I've always hated taking care of it. Yes I am also projecting my feelings about going to a hairdressers onto him why do you ask.)

The various scars were a bit of a strange task, but anyone who has seen my takes on The Bad Kids knows I'm not averse to selective realism in my fiction. Easiest one was the neck, I always pictured Daisy making a vertical cut based on "through the voice box". The larynx is longer than it is wide, so I think Daisy would go for the method that dealt damage across the largest total surface area. Yes I am aware that I'm speaking the same way Martin does when he explains his corkscrew.

The worm scars were easy because I barely drew any. There are a few marks on his cheek, but they're just surface bites. I picture most of his encounter with Prentiss showing on his legs, particularly on the right side, with enough damage there that he starts using a cane after the incident to keep weight off his right leg. More research to be done on this particular detail.

Finally the burn on his hand from Jude. This was the weirdest one to figure out just because of the nature of the injury. How do you quantify the damage done to an epidermis by a living manifestation of sometimes-boiling wax that can heat and cool at will? I settled on it being a second-degree burn that healed supernaturally fast, containing the damage to the space Jude had direct contact with. He'd probably have some mobility issues there as well. I know there are ways to help with mobility and pain after a severe burn, but I don't know how much of it Jon would actually. Do. Like I said, definitely further research to be done on these last two.

Hey so I'm gonna ask you to stop and consider the horror of the watcher. The helplessness. The guilt. The inherent terror of being a spectator, a participant by proximity but not by action. The horror of not being able to look away, of being a bystander. Jon forgets to blink sometimes. But wouldn't it be so much worse if there were no eyelids at all? That's how I interpret the description of The Archivist being "All Eyes" :D

I love a good Many-Eyed Jon, so I whipped up my own interpretation here. I think the more he Becomes the more he starts to resemble the thing from the dreams. He has a lot more control of it in S5, but it still creeps up on him and he has to consciously go back to a human shape.

[stiltsthegm]

What if you just had fun?

When I'm really bored at work and need something to distract me, but can't get TOO distracted (due to the aforementioned work), I like to watch challenge runs. This inevitably leads to me getting other videos that are tangentially-related to the game that was the subject of the video I just saw, and that's how I stumbled upon this one:

And it was fascinating to me in a way that made me feel a need to say something about it. Not in, like, a mean way (I'm aiming for a gentle ribbing, at most). There's been thoughts stirring in me for a while now about how disconnected I can sometimes feel between the ways I experience games and how "content creators" play games that are simply fascinating to me.

Although I do recommend watching at least some of the video to get the gist of what's happening, I'll do my best to accurately summarize the main thing that prompted this whole post: the author has played Skyrim a lot, almost always with a bunch of mods, and nearly always played it the same way: stealth archer. However, he recently tried a challenge playthrough that essentially forced him to engage in a bunch of systems he never paid much attention to before: alchemy, blacksmithing, mining, herb gathering, and shouts to name just a few. He even found himself using fast travel less, because it meant he could do gathering and transmutation magic while going to his next destination instead of going out of his way to grind out everything right before he needed it. This ended up giving him a greater appreciation for how an un-modded Skyrim actually works and is deeper than he originally gave it credit for.

My first reaction to this was perhaps a little uncharitable: "Were you even playing Skyrim at all until now?"

In a previous video he made (which I also watched), he talks about why stealth archery is so popular. He posits that it's the only combat method that plays well with Skyrim's other systems, since its damage scales well, it's precise (very little worry about hitting friendly NPCs), it's the easiest way to engage in stealth mechanics, and it's just generally pretty powerful. I'm mostly sympathetic to that opinion, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't find stealth archer to be my favorite way to play.

However, I was completely blindsided by someone saying they didn't engage in so many of these other systems. Like, yes, you can simply buy armor and weapons and potions, so alchemy and blacksmithing isn't mandatory. You can ignore it if you want to. But to not EVER try to engage with it?

I've encountered this sort of disconnect before in a way I found much more frustrating. You see, I really like the Civilization games, but I'm kind of bad at intuiting the systems at play on my own. I often look up videos from much smarter people to help me build a foundation of understanding so I can then I can at least make terrible choices on purpose rather than on accident. I was watching one particular Youtuber's reactions to some Civ 7 gameplay previews and found myself constantly baffled by the statements they were making. There were several little things that irritated me, but the one that finally made me turn off the video was a criticism of Civ 7 trying to implement story events like Paradox games do. They mentioned they hated that kind of mechanic and completely ignored the writing, just picking whichever choice offered the best mechanical advantage at the time. It was then that I realized that this analysis video was going to be completely useless to me. We had very different priorities, and they had no interest in considering that changes from any angle other than the very narrow one they've always used. Like, sure, maybe it will end up being bad, but this is one preview video of one playthrough. Being angry at just the concept of story events seemed absurd.

There are folks out there who like "solving" video games. They find the most efficient, most powerful thing they can do, and they do that. Over and over and over again. I think what hit me most about the Skyrim video was that I wasn't expecting to find that kind of playstyle applied to that game. Skyrim exists so you can play in it. I sometimes make characters that run up to guys and hit them with a big sword not because it's the best way to play the game, but because it's just funny to hit guys with a big sword. I explore the map because Skyrim's world is beautiful, and I like simply being in it. I gather herbs because it gives me something to do while hiking and I like how the plant's graphic changes after I collect it. I do things in Skyrim not because I'm forced to, but because I want to explore what the game has to offer. And lately, I sometimes choose to not do things because I want to play a role.

The more I thought about Thane's Skyrim video, the more I grew fond of it. It starts out as just another challenge run where he's thinking about mechanical efficiency, and ends with him appreciating just how many different things he can do in the base game (Building a house! Marriage! Praying at shrines!) and how these systems interact with each other. That's neat! I genuinely love that someone who plays these games from a completely different mindset than I do can keep an open mind and learn share my love of these mechanics. I wish I saw it happen more often.

[theshiftinglilly]

RICH/🌽⭐ DR

MDNI 20+

not spell or grammar checked

I made this DR just for fun. I feel like it's not super common. I mostly spoil myself and have my rich popular girl moment.

Being a 🌽⭐ has dangers. But in this DR I scripted that stuff out. For example: STDs, and Stalkers.

I script that there is a pill I take once a month that doesn't let me get pregnant while I'm taking it. Or straight up put that you can't.

For this DR I also scripted my family never finds out or even gets the assumption! I put something like "name and 🌽name aren't thought to be the same person" that includes being able to go out and not be known.

I usually do solo videos and streams. But when I need a partner I have my handful of 🌽⭐ friends that I make the videos with. I meet up with people, I get selective here. When I meet people it's not always for sex (kinda like a sugar baby) Sometimes it's that they want company or need a date for something. It's not a lot of people I would meet with only a handful and the richest. (My memory isn't the best so I scripted I always knew who is who and what they like/want) Also make sure they are you're type.

I scripted that I have the ones I trust, they are safe and understanding. If you are like me and usually feel insecure or scared that helps. Also that they are your friends. That you are their favorite this helps boost yourself, they will ask for you. Be willing to give you whatever you want for what they want.

This can be you producing everything yourself or a company. I decided on a company because they set up, video, clean, and edit. But remember this is your DR! Make them pay you whatever you want, the sets and plots are to your liking, and the room only has the people you want (let me show my overthinking. don't want it packed with people watching what's happening? The lighting and sound work on their own and are amazing. Camera? They are set up in the room and catch every amazing angle. It's just you and your scene partners)

If you are doing things in public... Script that you can't get caught!

Remember to script that these people have the same likes as you! You don't wanna be suddenly caught off guard by a kink you want no business with.

Again I made this for fun! So script fun things sexual like a fantasy you have always had or a scenario from a book. Or nonsexual like a concert you have always wanted to go to. You can get anything and go anywhere you want.

I didn't mean to post this so soon. It was on accident...so if I add things to this I will put a little update up top.

[burquillos]

I genuinely forgot that tumblr is a place that is actually decent for posting text Anyways, 431 AU Hurt and Comfort drabble following Izuku's train of thought "I've always failed to protect Kacchan and now that I don't have the power to do it anymore, the best course of action is to give up on my dream, so he follows me out of danger"

"You don't get it Kacchan!! I can't protect you anymore, you could get hurt!!"

"You're already hurting me!"

Izuku shuts his mouth. How could he say anything to that? He knows what he's been doing to Kacchan. He isn’t inviting him to guest teach that often for no reason. He hoped he could show Kacchan there are other ways of being Hero, one where he wouldn’t need to put his life in danger. He has also been deliberate in keeping Kacchan at arm’s length, just far enough to look like Just Another Person in his life, he wouldn’t want any villains getting any bright ideas especially now that he’s powerless. He's not as stupid or oblivious as people think. It hurts to see Kacchan upset, but a miserable Kacchan is better than a dead one. It's selfish of him but he can't let him go. He can’t lose him again.

Katsuki takes a deep breath like he's gathering all weight he's been carrying and then letting it drop abruptly. "Look, Izuku. I've been there before... I know you're scared." Deku flinches at that. "That's why you keep pushing me away. I finally understand how frustrating it must have been for you to lend out your hand and get it slapped away every time. That's why I don't blame you. I had no idea how you did it back then, but I've tried to follow your example, to be as strong and persevering as you were, to never give up on people.” Katsuki pauses, thinking before he steels himself to say the words, “But at some point you have to let me move on from you, just like how you moved on from me."

His words sound defeated, like everything he just said is an undeniable, unchangeable truth, and maybe it is. But the end?

"Is that what you think? That I moved on from you?” their eyes finally meet. “Kacchan, I'm still fucking stuck in that coffin in the sky! YOU DIED!! Because I couldn't get there in time! Because I treated you like you were special! Because I... I loved you and everybody could see it.”

“I was so happy when I got closer to you back at UA. You were always so bright and I’ve always dreamed of standing there by your side instead of watching you from afar like I’ve always had but I got too careless. I wanted to stay there forever, I really did but everybody kept hurting Kacchan.”

“Even at our worst, everyone saw how hard I tried to chase after you. I hated myself for not being able to say so many things, for not being able to tell you 'You're more than just a Hero to me'. But in the end, it didn’t even matter because Everybody. Still. Fucking. Knows. Because I can't control myself. Because I always slip up. Because I always lose my shit when it comes to you!

How could I move on from you when I have to spend every day scared shitless that everyone would know how much I want you and take you away from me!?”

At this point, Izuku’s completely broken down and Katsuki lets him. It was a long time coming after all. He approaches Izuku to hold him, Izuku hold him back tightly like he never wants to let go. They stay like that for a few minutes, Kacchan softly petting his hair while he calms down. After a while, Kacchan speaks.

“You don’t have to worry about anyone taking me away from you, Izuku.”

He looks up from his place snuggled on Kacchan’s chest, “What?”

“Already yours, have been for a while. Ya just need to act like it.”

“I already told you why I can’t-“

“Then try harder. Make me undoubtedly yours. Show them what happens when they mess with something that you own.”

Izuku doesn’t know if Kacchan’s words is just there to hype him up or if he’s being entirely serious about it. Either way, it sends tingles up his spine and warmth to his cheeks. But that embarrassment quickly evolves to shame.

“What if I fail again... I couldn’t even protect you even when I had all the power in world.”

“I’m not asking for your protection Izuku, just like how you didn’t ask for mine when I ran after you and jumped in front of all of those spikes. Those were MY choices and all I ask of you is to run after me too, to choose me.”

Izuku looks at him stunned. His heart feels so full he feels like he’s about to burst again. He never imagined there would be a world where he would chase after Kacchan and Kacchan would be expecting him to catch up and run by his side instead of running away from him in fear. It was everything he ever wished for as a kid.

He still thinks he’s not strong enough, but he can be brave. The same quirkless kid who chased his dreams in spite of it all.

“Okay, Kacchan.”

He musters up all his strength to smile at Katsuki and to his surprise and delight he smiles right back.

“I won’t be far behind!”

[neshamama]

journaling health and going insane but trying to let it out as part of the process of connecting with it and the world realities beyond the inward overwhelm

im without job and health insurance but i have 90 days of my MS medications and even though i am due for a neuro follow up and an echocardiogram i will wait until the state agents finish my applications.. i have mental health issues that haven't been treated in months besides telehealth therapy but i have prn anxiety medication.

the force of depression in multiple sclerosis looks like this: my legs especially hurt to the soles of my feet, rn the brain interprets wearing socks as rough and burning sensation because the brain and spine are damaged,.so there are sensory and spastic arguments, bilaterally, all day every day. the temp is 0⁰F so i can't go without wearing clothes or blankets that trigger symptoms. i also cant have anything too hot or it will cause a reversible exacerbation (even being on your period or getting overwhelmed emotionally can upset nerve conduction in demyelinated cells due to temperature change alone. i moved climate zones after tropical weather was too much. very real and strange phenomenon that i blame myself for not controlling - like the frustration of my arms going numb because my coffee is too hot)

this is all so lonely and when i get up my legs want to give up so soon. i plan breaks and place chairs around the house and of course i have to use a cane all the time. i leave interesting footprints in the snow by the way omg. basic things like taking out trash i cannot do and i wished to be dependent on no one growing up and it disappoints and scares me to adapt to a radically different outcome. i have to trust others and engage with them enough to meet my needs and even if it ends up ok, i feel so guilty for taking help. i will need financial support from my family and i feel so guilty.

meanwhile my brain has been locked on trauma because im not managing emotions very well and my thoughts are rogue and unregulated by stability and routine like of work. applying for jobs i do think of who was omnipresent in my life during my education and career in art and it's a pain held in my body. those years death was the most comforting thought, including the death of the primary abuser and i still think of it daily. i really wish i could move on because wanting to kill is disturbing. i got this way before all of this from deadly physical and sexual abuse from like 2 decades ago again obviously i survived and i really thought that was enough. i swear predators recognize who has survived already, they vet their vulnerabilities and then exploit and silence them again. still i struggle feeling safe anywhere. i need to do more emdr and in office therapy. Also see psychiatrist and update meds.

so im in and out of recognizing life let alone appreciating it which is dangerous cuz it makes it all easier to get out of living. i am afraid to reach out to my mother who is my local support because i don't want to worry and bother her

what i wish is to feel myself again and connect with others and the world again but that seems so far away. my heart is tarred and my brain - an electrical fire my legs prickly weights. very challenging to overcome how this feels and maintain positive beliefs.

first though i want to rest and recover physically and emotionally, see neuro and psych, upgrade level of therapeutic care, hold off on the shame of these struggles and simply try to get through them. right now without income or insurance i am in another tough situation.

im going to apply for a job today with the scarce descriptions of my experience cuz i think in this case details are less important and i can discuss work i did outside that triggering time so..see what happens

stay alive