#//Well this got long xD

[elisethetraveller]

Moved to Beta editor from; Here

Edwin himself is next to nod, punctuated by a small, incoherent noise. “Sleep sounds nice.” A yawn is his body voicing its agreement.

Somewhere in his gradually silencing mind, he feels guilty about Jonathan learning about this, and the inevitable stress that’ll bring him. He feels bad for bringing this onto Elise, too, regardless of the fact he had absolutely no control over the situation. He doesn’t care much for being a nuisance.

Almost unintelligible, he mumbles, “’m sorry…”

Now it was her turn to nod, agreeing that sleep would do him good. Her fingers continued trailing their pattern on his back, hoping to lull him into a steady sleep.

While his words did not go past her, Elise didn't respond. There was nothing for him to be sorry for. He was her friend; of course, she would help, and even if he wasn't, she still would have. Healing was her job. When his breathing evened out, she began untangling herself without waking him. It was slow progress as she stopped whenever he stirred too much, but eventually, she managed. Next was locating a phone of sorts. Glancing around, her eyes settled on his pockets, noticing...something. Taking a chance, the mage removed what turned out to be a phone, a cellphone, of the modern kind. Frowning, she turned it over, trying to find the button to light it up. Trying one with no luck; her fingers brushed over the screen only for it to come to life, showing a code was needed.

Right... 1, 2, 3, 4. Despite the silly attempt, the mage was slightly disappointed when the phone refused to unlock. What code would Edwin use? What code would Edwin use? Something smart, no doubt, but what was smart? Turning the phone over again as if hoping for a clue, Elise was happily surprised when she noticed an unremarkable but familiar type of button. Very smart. Gingerly placing one of Edwin's fingers against the button a happy click confirmed the phone had unlocked.

Quickly she searched through it, and after ten minutes, found the number pad. Leaving the room as she typed in Jonathan's number, she waited for the sound of the phone call getting accepted. Once it did Elise began speaking.

"Yes, hello Jonathan. This is not Edwin... It's Elise. Are you sitting down?"

( @who-is-muses )

[gwinverarrouz]

Just finished rereading the first Bartimaeus book and yeah, yeah, I can see why I loved these books so much as a child :>

I feel like these illustrations aren't 100% faithful to the source material but maybe they're how Bart wished things happened, you know??

[notenoughdragons]

so i caved yesterday after *gestures* all of that on the other side of the pond, and bought veilguard (meant to wait till the first bugfix patch is out), and i have thoughts

(spoilers for the first few quests)

fucking adore the character creator. overwhelming as heck but God a+

addendum: why tf aren't there different lip/mouth shapes. we have like 30 eyelash options. i'm p sure da:i had diff mouth shapes

THERE'S NO QUICK SAVE/LOAD OPTION???? why on god's green earth

the photo mode is NEAT (tip, get yourself reshade plus the "mod" that allows hiding the UI, so you can do screenshot nonsense in cutscenes too)

it took me like 15 min to get rid of the quest marker bc that shit is hidden in Two diff menus but oh my god so worth it

on that note, i'm Really enjoying the area/level/dungeon design, and traversing it Without an annoying big blue star thing blinking at you is really good

the environments are just. unhinged in the best way. THE CROSSROADS? D'META VILLAGE?? THE OSSUARY???? perfect no notes

have i mentioned the hair? the hair is really good. i'm a lttle obsessed with the style i gave my rook, i didn't think i'd like it this much

okay let's talk plot bc. uh.

see, on the one hand? so far (recruited bellara and got the dagger and fucked around in the crossroads and am currently getting murdered by murdering calivan so lucanis will murder for Me) it… works for me? like it really feels like getting thrown into the DEEP deep end, but it's a kind of. idk. sensible progression?

and oh my god ghilan'nain. i kinda hate how normal she comes across in the memory dungeon lab? (which. AMAZING QUEST) but also i love that SHE'S UNHINGED, that solas clearly held sympathies for her, the way i YELLED when you hear her voice when that dragon shows up in the blighted village??? amazing

(NO fucking idea how this would play for someone who's not familiar with the series, good lord the amount of exposition crammed randomly into codex cards???)

that being said. how the fuck does this connect from trespasser/tevinter nights. solas what Happened to you. like this is (part of) why i'm Not using saar as the inq in this run, bc even pretending they Weren't madly in love, it doesn't work. i don't think it works for Any inquisitor who befriended/romanced him (unless maybe one who decided to go full scorched earth and hunt him down at all costs)

in meta terms i know why this is happening but How is varric our insight point into solas and the connection to him. even if you're not playing them, this Should be the inq. solas doesn't lose a single fucking word about anyone But the inquisitor in trespasser. it's just this really tragic dissonance y'know

also the way this game is frontloaded is so fucking funny (i am also choosing to find it funny). IMMEDIATELY unleash the evanuris. IMMEDIATELY get solas trapped somewhere so he can't use his not-god powers to help you. FIRST "normal" quest is a horror movie walkthrough of The Most Blighted Village You Can Imagine, like okay! solas spends all of da:i being fucking coy about the blight and now it's like 'the evanuris are blighted. yeah they used the blight for power that's why i trapped them. they got out and immediately start spitting blight everywhere For Power. the REST of the blight is trapped in the evanuris prison. yeah the black city IS the evanuris prison. also blight is alive too. uh what else'

sidenote. did. did no one think it was A Little Weird to frame it like 'solas is trapped in the fade' - 'but not like us! we're also trapped in the fade but in a completely different way!'

i do love the fade conversations, it's got dishonored vibes

(and cut-away scenes to the Villains Having Ominous Convos! i liked that in da:o)

also i have hints turned on and the. the little pop-ups. "solas remembers your verbal jab" THANKS GAME

ACTUALLY SPEAKING OF THOSE VILLAIN CONVERSATIONS. we're just gonna drop into a fucking codex that the lyrium dagger IS the red lyrium idol??? SOLAS CAN CLEANSE THE BLIGHT AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT IT????

basically. the connective tissue to da:i etc is uhhhh. insane. bonkers, even. but also when i ignore that, it's legit fun??

also good lord i'm glad i didn't try to come up with a super specific character/backstory for this, the faction backstories are Real specific, and rook is written with a v definitive Slant (not a bad one! but there IS a slant)

[sp00pypumpkins]

I am finally better from being sick a few days ago B] and finished the ref for Zero in the sweet home AU by @asamary (sorry for the tag)

Now I can freely do silly lil comics about it HAHA

[skyward-floored]

I know I've asked about First before, but how does he relate to Sky, exactly?

Well, in lu we don’t totally know yet, though I do have some guesses. More on that in a minute though.

First is Sky’s predecessor, according to the manga (which is questionably canon, but isn’t everything in zelda?) at the back of the Hyrule Historia. He’s a good man, but is wrongfully imprisoned for several years before being freed, and is then chosen by Hylia to use the Master Sword to help defeat the demon armies currently trying to take over the land. Hylia rides a crimson loftwing, and it ends up choosing Link as it’s rider as well later on.

Link fights the demons, and ends up in a battle with a leader (its probably Demise, but it’s a bit unclear), and First is grievously injured. First ends up using the Master Sword to send his people up into the sky (this eventually becomes Skyloft) but is unable to join them because of how badly he’s injured, and finally succumbs to his wounds.

I’m mostly cutting out the bits with Hylia, but she does come here and says her whole plan of being a mortal so they can meet again in another life... which I have some lore issues with but you know. Questionably-canon manga. The story then goes to many years later with little sksw Link, who meets the same crimson loftwing First once rode, evident by the marks on its beak, and becomes its new rider.

...

So. The biggest connection between them, aside from the reincarnation thing (which I’m ignoring because Jojo said for lu, it’s not exactly reincarnation between the Links), seems to be the crimson loftwing. Who, in the manga anyways, is the exact same bird, ridden by both First and Sky.

Lu doesn’t seem to be going that exact direction though. Here’s my thoughts.

Remember the crimson loftwing? In the manga, it’s the same one between First and Sky, but in lu that isn’t the case. We see Sky cuddling with a baby Crimson in these doodles, so my guess is that the Crimson Sky has is actually a descendant of First’s.

My biggest proof for this? Well look at them next to each other.

Notice something similar between them? Aside from the color and all that?

CHECK IT OUT. MARKINGS.

The same beak markings, only fainter on Sky’s bird (which adds again to my theory of the birds being descended from each other theory).

It might just be a neat reference, but we all know how much thought Jojo puts into everything in this comic. And First, though he hasn’t been entirely confirmed to be in lu, has been hinted at more then once. (I actually have a post around somewhere that points out all the hints to him and how it’s likely he will be in lu).

But yeah, I think I got a little off track from your original question, sorry XD Hopefully this explained things!

[oshiawaseni]

My sibling, who is an anime only said they would not be surprised if BKDK became canon considering the depth of their relationship, their interactions, and their character development regarding each other ... despite how Bones added in Izuocha scenes and cut out some critical BKDK moments in most of the seasons so far... And, seeing how one-sided the "love" is between Izuocha, which I believe is deep admiration as of reading the manga- I have to say I agree.

Izuocha, is fine on the surface but is unhealthy. Izuku would not pay attention to Ochaco they he would need to if they were in a relationship. And Ochaco only saw "Hero Deku" rather than all of "Izuku", which would cause her to unknowingly encourage Izuku's reckless self-sacrificial behavior.

BKDK is different because not only they know each other beyond the surface level, but they also have their sights on each other and the mere presence of their partner inspires them to become better and stronger people at heart because they have genuine love for each other...

I honestly do not understand what is in the Dudebros' mind other the fact that they are lacking emotional intelligence and critical thinking... but I will just enjoy what they are missing. (Sorry for rambling...)

Hi anon! Sorry it took me a bit to get back to you (reason in tags). Let me just reply to your ramblings with some ramblings of my own :)

I actually really enjoyed Season 6. The only thing I faulted Bones for, was creating that jarring opening that made out like Ochaco was the hero of the retrieve vigilante Deku mission (which sadly only fueled izuochas more on mhatwt), when it was 1000% Katsuki's doing and there is one panel which proves this beyond a shadow of a doubt.

See this? Who is the one standing in front of Shoto and Tokoyami, addressing the whole class? It's Katsuki! Not Ochaco! She was seated with everyone else. This is why it's so frustrating when they say she was the reason Izuku was brought back to U.A. That arc was all about Katsuki's feelings for Izuku and wanting to return his smile.

He was even so worried he lost sleep over it, wondering where Izuku was, if he was okay… he must have stayed awake in bed, thinking and thinking about Izuku and how he could get him back. Katsuki was used to Izuku being by his side, and it was the first time Izuku had willingly left it. It provided him clarity about how important* Izuku was in his life, which only made him worry even more. (*see also: crucial, vital, imperative, watch me emotionally die slowly inside if you aren't around me anymore.)

Katsuki losing sleep, at a time Izuku was not sleeping was such a symbiotic soul mates power move Hori added in for flavour. I love it SOOO freaking much. There are no lengths this man won't go, to prove how in sync they are with each other, how much they need each other, the empathy they share with each other, even on a completely spiritual level where they share in each other's sufferings, *without even knowing it* such as right here, just like Katsuki wants to share all of Izuku's burdens so that he's not crushed by them.

But with that said, though Bones really dropped the ball on the opening (and 5 previous seasons...*ahem*), there were a lot of curious changes that happened in season 6 that I did love, like Izuku dropping the "tachi" in his sentence which turned his line into "He hurt the person I love…" (instead of people)

and as we saw more of these additional changes Bones made, it got us wondering, did Hori have some regrets with the manga that he was unhappy about and wanted their romance to be more obvious? Was it only natural to get anime viewers up to speed before season 7, because they were going to find out through manga spoilers that Katsuki and Izuku are actually in love? I'd like to think so.

Changes I remember off the top of my head:

Reaching out for little Izuku's hand during Katsuki Bakugou Rising

Katsuki waking up and thinking "Deku…" and remembering his Rising sacrifice and being still hurt from it.

Izuku waiting until he was in Katsuki's arms before he apologised, which made their words of "I'm sorry" and "I know" more intimate and personal to each other. Like Izuku needed Katsuki's forgiveness the most, and Katsuki needed to let Izuku feel that he understands him the most.

Izuku's little "Ka-..." (the English dub did not catch it but I know other dubs did) as he was passing out, which made the entire hug scene feel so much more romantic.

"I'm gonna say your name when I wake up" vs "I'm gonna say your name when I fall asleep." BkDk: Always on each other's minds. All the time.

And one of the most interesting changes of all…

So get this, Ochaco gets a hand hold grab in the opening which canon-wise holds about as much weight as an "illustration" … and in the actual anime content, she grabs his wrist area instead of his hand like in the manga. Making her hand hold IN THE CANON CONTENT so impersonal. Almost as if to make up for the horrible opening they made. Why this was done still remains a mystery to us today… but I hope it's because Horikoshi asked them to make Izuocha stop being seen like a couple, and more like the friends they are.

And then, about the "brothers" "friends" comments antis love to make about bkdk. Well yeah, they're coping. In fact, Hori has shied away from labeling them friends several times when he could have! "Midoriya-kun is our friend" says Iida - with multiple people from the class, including Ochaco, presented in the panel… and Katsuki is nowhere to be found.

Or like when sAFO called Katsuki "Izuku's closest person" (motto mo naka ga ii) where it would have been WAY more natural to call him "shinyu," aka, "best friend." But that's the thing, Hori runs away from calling them friends like it's the plague LMAO

Really makes you wonder… was sAFO (I'd rather just call it AFO at this point because it's his personality being dominant vs Katsuki) alluding to hidden romantic feelings Izuku hides for Katsuki that his secret gaydar quirk picked up? Could be. In a way, at the time it happened, it felt to me like Horikoshi himself was talking to us through him, telling us very explicitly, "You're damn right. They're gay."

Either way, skirting around this label for them is being done on purpose by Hori. Like his hidden way of saying "Yeah they might be acting a bit more like the best friends they were always meant to be as kids, but their feelings for each other are not 'friendly' AT ALL. Because platonic friendship is not where these two are headed." And there are STILL hidden feelings they haven't managed to say to each other yet! The content Horikoshi has been itching to draw for YEARS that he is finally getting to. All that soft bkdk romance we've been waiting for is coming SO SOON!!! and I am HERE for it anon! 🔥

2023 will forever be known as the year of BkDk canon... these are very exciting times. <3

[darewolfcreates]

I may not have a Grand Festival shirt but I do have these shirts that I printed!

Repping team present!

I'm not selling these. I don't have access to the roller I did when I made this lino cut, the only prints I made were for my friends/me, and also I have no idea where I put the lino cut- .w."

[smashwolfen]

GOD ALMIGHTY LORD SINNOH ARCEUS ABOVE, THE YEAR I PUT IN TO FIND THIS MF ON THE MAIN FILE (since its completed hhhhhhh)!!!!!!

I CAN FINALLY MOVE ONTO THE REST OF MY DAMN SHINY NPC/STORY FILE!!!!!

Toss this dude into HOME, shimmy it around to my side file, and now, NOW.....

Dorians got his shiny Buizel, I CAN MOVE ONTO THE MOUNTAIN AND BEGIN ELECTRODE (And subsequently Ingo muehehehehehe) I was beginning to think I'd have to gamble finding an Alpha shiny Buizel but nope! This one was just big enough!!!! THE HUNT IS DONE.... for now XD

And yes im doing shiny NPC pokemon because I wanted to torture myself somehow lol, and have fun bragging rights to say I did it XD

As far as my research is telling me, all I have left to hunt down is a shiny Nosepass, unless im wrong please correct me! I'm hoping I don't have to resort to using my completed file again but for real, Shiny Buizel was the LONGEST MOST DIFFICULT HUNT IVE EVER DONE ON AND OFF!!!!! He took literally a year to do, and if it took THAT long in a file WITH the shiny charm, imagine how long it would take without the charm and a 100% dex entry fjfjidiebrjdjahehfhchr

Petilil of all things was the second longest, she took a few weeks but I think she was under 2 months?? Its been a while. Besides Buizel every other shiny has been found in this specific in progress file XD

Dont do this challenge if you value sanity XD

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

Midoriya Izuku: Narrative Structures and Character's Emotion(al Repression)

Repression as A Story In Four Acts.

Or: Reaching Tenku to Save Tenko.

Izuku hasn't accomplished his goal of saving Tenko because according to literally every law of storytelling, he has yet more internal conflicts to solve, which he hasn’t addressed due to his nature of repression, which itself comes from other fatal flaws. Therefore, Tenko’s salvation, which should’ve been the “reward” for Izuku’s difficulties, is now another obstacle at the “end” of act 3 before Act 4 eventually begins. To elaborate:

BNHA, as of now, is split in three sagas — U.A. Beginnings (001-099); Rise of Villains (100-306) and; Final War (307-onwards); similar to the three-act structure in the west. However, by splitting Act 3 into Act 4; we meet East Asia's method of splitting a narrative: Kishōtenketsu. Using the Hero's Journey wheel as a counterpart, roughly we have:

Act 1/Kiku (起句) — Call to adventure, the inticing incidents and stage's set-up for;

Act 2/Shōku (承句) — The rising action; true conflict that will soon culminate, leading to the climax, so we head into:

Act 3/Tenku (転句) — The transformation that leads to the resolution of conflicts, so the story meets the denouement;

Act 4/Kekku (結句): the epilogue. If the consequences must come to fruition, the results must bloom at the end as it wraps up.

Similarly, BNHA presents the classic Four Conflicts: Against Man and Society; All For One and the hero world; Nature, the nature of Quirks; and Self, arguably the most important of them all.

As such, Izuku’s story is easier to see when split into these acts, and so are his conflicts. Planting this seed: Izuku wants to be a hero, but being quirkless is his status quo until the Sludge Villain incident. Presenting the question: How can Midoriya Izuku be a hero? Katsuki being attacked and All Might’s offer are the inciting incidents, and everything from USJ onwards are his brushes to growing conflicts that grow into the Kamino Incident, ending his personal arc in Act 1/Start of Act 2 during Deku vs. Kacchan 2 and The Three.

The rising actions and the new development from Kamino, lead to the rush to control One For All, becoming a new Symbol and what that entails, and more subtly, fixing his and Katsuki’s relationship (i’ll get to this one. oh boy i’ll get to this one soon.) These are Izuku’s conflicts.

His role as one as Toshinori's successor officially puts in center stage of the conflict alongside Katsuki (subtly, also a successor, permanent deuteragonist) and Tenko (foil, recurring antagonist, and the Big Bad’s successor). If controlling the current form of OFA was already accomplished (45% at least), it needes to evolve into another phase; one that ties with his fatal flaws and challenges his virtues. As such: Overhaul Arc shows Eri’s ordeal, Sir Nighteye’s doubts of AM’s choice, and subsequent death (the former conflicts), and Joint Training Arc introduces unlocking of Black Whip (his latter one) are his turning points.

All feed into his insecurities and repression of emotions such as (oftentimes righteous) anger, uncertainty, vulnerability and heartbreak. He doesn’t solve these conflicts just yet, instead choosing to brush it away or let them play out as they happen, a passive instance. For the former arc, it’s understandable because he was under Sir Nighteye’s internship orders, but the latter is a special case, as it ties with an emotional conflict in which we only saw his thoughts at the very beginning of the turning point.

Which, before entering Arc 3, also brings me to another topic: Narrative rewards and punishments.

The root of Izuku's character is stubbornness: When Izuku sticks to the convictions he believes in, and he does it stubbornly, often the hopeful narrative of Boku no Hero Academia rewards him, but when he goes against it (contradicting his morality and/or the story’s messages), the punishment ends up being severe. He’s far from the only example, but he’s the most prominent one. As such, BNHA prides itself in introspection of motivations and embracing every emotion and experiences as stepping stones to be the greatest you can be.

Izuku… Stubbornly also hasn’t gotten that kind of introspection yet. Keyword being yet. He's the character we know little about despite spending so much time in his point of view, and it's deliberate. The few moments he does, is when the roots of his insecurities are reinforced, or when he's dealing with someone else’s obstacle. Talk about others and avoid thinking about yourself.

If I were to describe Izuku; the best descriptors would be: kind, but melancholic. Altruistic, grateful, mostly selfless, but will destroy himself for others without realizing. Reckless, sticks to his values. Competitive and a little envious, but it's born out of admiration, pride and love. But overall, keeps so close to his chest while spouting praises for others out of what he wished he had before.

But in one sentence? This little shit is such a stubborn mule it'd get him killed.

The best example is from Act 1 itself, Summer Training Camp arc. In this, we see the first glimpse of someone he should strive to be: Someone who wins to save people. His reward is saving Kota and Tokoyami, but his recklessness in reaching for Katsuki alone and without a plan ends up costing him a win. The tally goes to the League of Villains; not a total disaster, but they got what they wanted in the end.

Happens again in Act 2, by failing to rescue Eri the first time he and Mirio meet her. Both find out she was tied to Overhaul’s operation, and the feeling of guilt is one of the reasons that makes them want to try again. Somewhat related to Izuku, it’s Sir Nighteye’s conviction that Izuku is unworthy that proves years of fatalistic views wrong too late, as his unwillingness to see what makes Izuku a good choice ends up being corrected as he’s already mortally wounded.

Gentle, La Brava and Lady Nagant are also good examples of the narrative punishing these characters for their nihilistic views, and when they’re shown they have another choice, the story takes them out and as they’ve changed their minds to a more hopeful view, gives them another chance in Act 3. After all, second chances and atonements are Boku no Hero’s cup of tea (Sir Nighteye's wasted his in fatality, stubbornness, unwillingness to change). Which is why characters like Muscular, Ending and the Sludge Villain are not given the grace of a proper sendoff, and All For One got such a rather undignified finale.

Returning to Izuku: Because his internal conflicts weren't challenged yet, and therefore the only visible developments he’s gotten were merely power upgrades, this bites him back by the end of Act 2 and continues in Act 3, the first hit being the most critical one. The things he repressed for the sake of others aren’t willing to stay like that anymore. Furthermore, going against his one consistent conviction and fighting Tenko with tunnel vision on winning, regardless of who needs saving, brings another conflict for him.

Izuku is trapped in Shōku. And that leads to Act 3, where his flaws branch out into four main symptoms amplified by trauma in the Dark Hero Arc, which remain, at the time of this writing, unsolved:

Detachment, fueled by selflessness. Choosing to take every risk on his own, Izuku has thoroughly detached his wants and needs from each other and himself. By not letting others get hurt, that means he doesn’t care if he himself gets hurt anymore, accidentally making himself a martyr. Detaching himself could arguably be the reason he doesn't acknowledge Katsuki at all in the battlefield, or doesn't really ponder on what happens to the vestiges/quirks when destroying AFO (and lets Tenko... well, we'll get there.) All For One vs. One For All.

Recklessness: Izuku’s naturally that by design, and it’s treated as the mark of a hero: "intervening even when they don’t want your help". At its most extreme, however, he goes alone, so Izuku can’t rely on others for help, and the way he wants to fix everything turns into his modus operandi on overdrive. Despite being careful and calculated, he ignores who and what he needs to continue, until he physically can’t. He’s on the other side of that sentence without realizing it. Suicidal recklessness.

Arrogance: A fatal flaw hidden in him but mirrored in his biggest foil. By believing he’s the only person that can handle AFO, hiding all his emotions and trying to be pragmatic, he becomes increasingly arrogant. “All of you, you can’t keep up”, a sentence fitting for someone like Katsuki, not Izuku. He still shows shades of this, even as others try to convince him he's not alone, and the narrative proves him wrong by letting other characters interfere.

Finally, the ropes of repression. Izuku isn’t a very introspective character for himself; he’s a very unreliable narrator because he never stops to fully talk about what he feels; the last time we got something like that was in Deku vs. Kacchan 2. As Deku, he wants to be strong, dependant, not let others worry about himself. As Midoriya, he’s the friend who lends you a shoulder to cry on (and cries along), gives you good advice, is there for you. But who is he as Izuku?

What are his other interests, his feelings on society, or on what is and isn’t fair? More recently, Katsuki’s apology, death, what does that mean for them now? Tenko’s identity as that kid who was crying and as Tomura, who hurt the people he loves, what does he think? Toshinori, as someone who was an idol and now it’s a label closer than mentor-mentee, almost dying? He hasn’t had time to reflect on them, but only recently Izuku's lack of introspection has become noticeable for the audience- placing us in Katsuki's shoes; intuitively, we know what Izuku's gonna do, but can we really tell what Izuku's currently thinking? If at all?

Not-so-recently (for the audience), he’s "moved on" very quickly from Lady Nagant blowing up in his face, seeing All For One single him out as a target, two mobs being so hostile Danger Sense got triggered, and Aoyama's role as a traitor. Except, not really. Everything Izuku’s gone through has been locked in a vault, and despite every character being reactive to it, Izuku doesn’t allow himself to dwell on anything that’ll make him remotely angry or sad anymore. There is one exception and even then Mirio had to prevent him from letting it out.

By failing to start introspecting in Act 2 in any of these, they bring back his internal conflicts, while adding a new two new ones to a pre-existing one, leading us to the Classic Man vs. Conflict part of this meta:

Control One For All (Man vs. Nature): Izuku had the theoretic part of it down; using it as his tools to help, but being Quirkless for so long means he lacked the intuitive part of it; the one that treats Quirks as muscle memories instead. So instead of second nature, they’re more like advisor crutches that can easily lose control; and momentarily as it was, they have, in Deku vs. All For One.

He controls only the mechanics, but never secured himself in believing they’re his power. And since Izuku is easily someone willing to give more than he should, it’s very representative that in giving up One For All, Izuku essentially embodied the definition of “you give an inch, they take a mile”. Or better, you give Tenko a hand, All For One takes an arm. It wasn’t the wrong choice, but an easy trap he fell in.

Izuku, while able to work out the theory, never really gained full control of a Quirk supposedly his own. Which is why it’s so odd his Quirk gets taken away now. Whether he shall remain Quirkless or receive a version of OFA, remains to be seen. I believe it isn't the last of OFA yet, but it's always a 50/50 chance.

Being a future Symbol of Peace (Man vs. Society/Men):

“Men are not born equal. That is the lesson [Izuku] learned at the age of four.”

At this point, “being a symbol” means something else now. For this to even have a shot of happening, Izuku has to find out what being a hero means, by including him as a person in the narrative. And for that, All For One, as the man representative of society’s worst symptoms, needed to go.

It’s no coincidence he and Izuku have many similarities, as both have a fascination with Quirks, are the only ones capable of wielding multiple at once, and grew as lonely; AFO by having a Quirk, Izuku by lacking one. Izuku can be possessive, he recognizes this as an ugly trait, but AFO acts out and relishes in it. It makes too much sense that he's one of the few characters able to lay a hand on AFO; If Yoichi is the version of Izuku whose love wasn't strong enough to reach out, AFO is the version of Izuku lacking understanding, love or empathy.

We Are Here and Midoriya Izuku: Rising show he is by all accounts considered one by every character, but his Rising isn’t finished until he finds out what being a hero means to him, without disregarding his personhood, and realizing he was always one, Quirk or not. He has succeeded in proving society wrong, and proved AFO wrong in every way that mattered. A quirkless nobody defeating the Demon Lord wannabe.

As stated in a previous post of mine, Izuku’s own Rising chapter is the opposite of his Origin because now everyone supports him, roots for him. Despite being weak, he has the strength to get back up and try to do his best… But this isn’t his best right now, which is why Izuku’s Rising isn’t finished.

Control your heart/His relationship with Katsuki/Saving Tenko (Man vs. Self):

This is Izuku’s true conflict; the question of his own personhood tied to the worthiness of his dreams and feelings.

“Can someone be a hero, even without a Quirk?”

Starting with the first conflict, from That Which Is Inherited to The New Power and All For One, “control your heart” are introduced as new arc words for Izuku himself; and a foreshadowing of the problems he’ll face when not addressed. In fact, Izuku’s aware the trigger for Black Whip must’ve had an external factor. Whether he’s oblivious or willfully ignoring what exactly happened is unclear, but he’s at least aware of who triggered it. And not thinking about it only makes Katsuki suffer the brunt of it, his Achilles’ Heel.

The second is the constant conflict since MI: Origin— Izuku isn’t someone blind to Katsuki’s flaws; in fact he’s the most aware of them, despite fandom perception. The thing that a lot of readers seem to miss is that he admires all of Katsuki, even if he was envious of him, and as those flaws ended up causing him a lot of pain. Which is noticeable the lack of interactions on Izuku’s part upon rewatching the first two acts as he was often the one seeking a relationship with Katsuki, while currently it’s the other way around.

It’s not a coincidence but a red sign; a herring or a flag, depending on the ending of One For All vs. All For One: Despite the bullying, Izuku still chose to perceive Katsuki’s good and heroic traits, when by all accounts he’s within his rights to refuse Katsuki in his life. I bring this up because Izuku and Katsuki are the main foils of the story… Which also makes Katsuki a foil of Tenko’s. This is an interesting factor. Izuku could’ve chosen to react to Katsuki’s apology then and there, but there might be three reasons not to:

The emotional conflict parallels Deku vs. Kacchan 2; Act 1’s turning point for the story was Kamino, but the incident pushes them together. Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship is the true turning point of the story as a whole because they’re the ones who fully feel the effects of the incident. The side effect intrinsically ties them, as a unit, to the main plot. Their choices are the true climax of the story.

Izuku forgiving Katsuki before fighting Tenko reveals Tenko’s fate or worse, seals it in a worse one. He hasn’t processed it, and intuitively, we know Izuku will do it, but to have it happen right before confronting Tenko means his actions are downplayed. Everything Izuku did would be a given, and meaningless. What does it mean to give a hand to someone in pain, when this person hurts you? He wanted to save Tenko, but wouldn’t that mean accepting that crying kid is also the man who hurt the ones he loves?

Izuku controlling his emotions isn’t just about Katsuki. He’s a huge trigger for his feelings… Including what he doesn’t like feeling. Repressing everything, detaching himself from that kid who once tried defending a kid in a playground despite having no Quirks, only means Izuku isn’t doing his best. That’s the mask of the “Deku, who’s strong, who’s fine, who can do everything, who always does his best”. Izuku reaching out to Tenko meant to share that sadness, the burdens from when they were young. Tenko did, so in theory, he shed the Shigaraki Tomura mask, but Izuku didn’t, so he’s still bottling his emotions to its breaking point.

So. Izuku's still in his Shōku. But we’re stuck in Act 3. Tenku (heh). Not enough resolutions, no conflicts fully solved. The Status Quo was challenged, changed? But where’s Izuku’s own turning point? The lack of introspections turns what should be Izuku’s rewards for going through the hero’s journey into an obstacle yet to be surpassed. His emotions are the turning point of the entire story, after all, right?

Narratively, Izuku has internally failed to pass the third part of the Kishōtenketsu: Transformation. His emotional conflicts weren’t dwelled on, and as such, he could only do so much to save Tenko. He can’t relate to Shigaraki Tomura, only Shimura Tenko, the crying kid. Every person is a hero in their own story, but anyone can be a villain. It’s what makes us connect to them. Izuku refused until he couldn’t anymore.

For comparison: Ochako doesn't know Toga Himiko, but her tears humanized her in Ochako's view; she wants to know what does Himiko value, what drove her to be who she is. Shoto doesn't truly know Touya, but knows the path it took for him to become Dabi, and wants to reconnect with his brother, at least a little. Shoji and Koda don't agree with Spinner but it's because they know what drives the mob to follow him. Hizashi doesn't see Shirakumo in Kurogiri but Aizawa does, which is why he becomes crucial in the endgame. All of them have a chance at surviving.

As it is, Shigaraki Tomura decayed, marked by All For One. Does that Izuku doing his best lead to a sacrifice? Neither heroes nor villains win. Which brings us back to reward and punishment: Izuku’s punishment for not solving his conflicts, means reaching out to Tenko was a doomed plan from the very beginning. His heart was not controlled while he had One For All, he’s unconvinced he could be a hero from the beginning despite earning his title, and he failed to save that crying kid. Using a power meant to save.

What message would that bring then? Both for a groomed child to believe he was born a monster, to die knowing that was true, that he never had a choice? Does that mean he could've only found peace in his death? And what does that mean for Izuku, who wanted to avoid an outcome where that kid died? Especially when Izuku previously would be fighting tooth and nails, blood, sweat and (many) tears to stop Tenko from destroying himself?

The story isn’t black and white, but it has always depicted abuse victims and their survivors respectfully, and the idea of the child that needed saving the most, dying before a chance of redemption goes against one message: That anyone can, and deserves to be a hero, in any way, shape or form. To have that glimmer of hope, of faith. It brings me the quote:

"Tenko, do you still want to be a hero?"

If Tenko doesn't get a choice, or a chance to respond, that means Izuku wasn’t doing his best just yet.

This enters prediction territory, which I don't usually make, but. In my honest opinion?

I think this is the moment Izuku finally reaches Tenku —Insecurities and repression of righteous anger, over not being able to keep his promise of saving that kid, uncertainty, for not being able to be a hero that saves people with a smile, vulnerability over realizing this is it, this “was the last act” of Hero Deku, and heartbreak. How can he call himself a hero if he can’t save a single child? Whether he likes it or not, now this is his Tenku, because Midoriya Izuku doesn’t walk away from this without being able to save Tenko.

He can’t; otherwise he can’t be considered the World’s Greatest Hero, if he doesn’t fulfill his half of “Win to Save, Save to Win”. That means a perfect victory, minimal to no casualties, is unachievable. All For One wins even if he loses, name tied to Shigaraki Tomura, the Symbol of Fear. He doesn’t get One For All, but gets to take down Tenko with him, so Tenko doesn't get to die free, even as a sacrifice of his choice. Unlike Eri, who was freed from the shackles of Overhaul, Tenko didn't get that chance. The Shimura bloodline dies, and Izuku doesn't prove their generation is different, better than the previous heroes. That doesn't sound fair, does it?

A failure he seemingly couldn’t avoid, or one he could’ve but was unable to? The lowest point Izuku can face, where he’s faced with the worst things that can happen to him has happened twice already in the same arc already; if we consider the time in-universe, the time between Katsuki’s death and Tenko’s death was at worst in the same hour. With everything that happened since the start of this saga; it’s been at best a month’s overdue of a breakdown. Thus, the missing introspection from him.

I believe it’s now beneficial that Izuku can't access One For All: there are no signs of the mask from “the strongest Hero who always does his best”— This is the Quirkless kid who wanted to save people with a smile. And if he can’t do that, does that mean he’s the useless Deku who can’t do anything?

Despite being more receptive to words, Izuku is a character who can't be trusted with what he says, instead what he does. He mumbles all he sees, cries rivers for others, but those green eyes will show you waters waiting to turn into a flooding storm. His actions will always overcompensate for his true thoughts he'd never share, because his thoughts only matter when you ask: What do you really know about Midoriya Izuku?

Nobody would have an answer, except for the one person who managed to misread him for ten years.

Izuku is by far the most reckless character, and stubborn to a fault. He'll pretend he's fine so others won't worry, so he can keep lying to himself a little more, but it's a mask to hide how much he's gonna hate himself, think he's a failure for this. Seeing him give up like that isn’t like him, now, is it? And that truth needs to come from the person, who, while not the only one to make Izuku question his worth, is the only one that can take him out of this mentality. Someone who matches that stubbornness, makes him listen to the truth. And makes him truly let the flood out, even if others think it unpleasant.

To counteract hopelessness, Izuku needs Katsuki. To finally ask out how any of what he experienced was fair. What good was all this pain. Why all of this, for a fight he lost this badly? For a person he couldn't save? For a dream that will never happen? For a Quirk that was never his, that he didn't get to keep? For a life where no one believed in him, were they proven right not to? Didn't he deserve better? He would know, having tried to leave him behind for a decade and realizing he can't go through it, when they just started being equals again.

If their feelings did become one, Katsuki then must be able to read Izuku like a notebook kept close to his chest and give him the right, truthful answers. Their walls aren't around anymore and Katsuki's now become the more emotionally open of the two, so he can make Izuku open up his damned heart and put it in his nerdy All Might’s shirt sleeve.

Izuku was Katsuki's hero before a Quirk. It's Izuku followed him when Katsuki didn't want him, who tried to save him even when he was told to take a swan dive off a roof. It's Izuku who still risked his life for a month to help others at the cost of his own health. If Izuku fought to save, to catch up to everyone so far ahead, why's he shutting down at the finishing line? Why stop fighting now?

In any case. Izuku needs to break down and someone to build himself up. Katsuki’s role as Izuku's closest one ends up being indispensable here— bringing in mind BK: Origin. If not seeking victory is unlike Katsuki, then so is Izuku thinking salvation’s too late. Contradicting their core beliefs is the lowest point, and pulling each other out of the spiral is the goal. The world and Class 1-A are connected to Izuku, but Izuku has yet to connect to himself. Both Tenko and Katsuki are now tied to One For All, through All For One and leftover embers, so why not make this count? From Katsuki, to Izuku, to Tenko.

These are guesses that rely on an outcome that might not happen in the story, but right now, I’d like to believe Izuku’s vault isn’t locked in nine keys anymore. There’s only him and a closed door, in a room that has always been locked, he never thought to open it before. Sometimes, it knocks, and he ignores it. And now it's time to open it and see what's on the other side, connecting him to what he’s been holding onto for the entirety of this story. Rewarding him one last time as he finally catches up.

By reaching Tenku, the story is allowed to continue, and wrap up in Kekku, the fourth act.

Izuku constantly breaks the expectations of everyone in-story. So maybe, he has some of One For All left. Maybe he’s somehow connected to it. Maybe he’ll keep it, receive a new version, or that’s One For All’s last hurrah. Maybe, there’s a chance he can take everything back, and start anew. But connecting to his emotions would help him understand Tenko. And in return, Tenko would finally take a comforting hand.

Either way, realizing what he’s been missing will be the key for the narrative to reconnect to him: Izuku doesn’t give up on anyone. There are no more people telling him what he’s supposed to be or what to do, no legacies tying him down— there’s only him, confronting the last of the Status Quo of the narrative. His actions are the ones that’ll restore this narrative to one of hope. Rain has finally faded to light. Starting with a death, ending with a rebirth.

The consequences will still exist, and must be faced by as many characters as possible, and if, hopefully when that happens, we can start to see the fruits of the turning points: Izuku’s own blooming realizations have to be the hand that’ll lead to Tenko’s Rising. Only then, the world they knew can rise from their mistakes. And maybe Izuku will be there, at peace, graduating with Class 1-A under cherry blossoms, knowing everyone gets to smile once again.

And only then, we'll know if Midoriya Izuku has gone further beyond his dreams of being a hero.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, even a little bit.

[hauntingblue]

Ace...?? they cloned my beautiful wife...

[bhaal-battle-beer-bard]

BG3 Confessions

Sometimes I cope with life through playing Baldur's Gate 3.

[felis-insomnis]

I very much enjoy booping, but tumblr is running like ass today and I'm already low on spoons so I'm not returning boops as well as I'd like :(

[avastyetwats]

Sweet and Savory

Continued from here. @izzyeffinhands

"Don't let the gaff come loose!" Stede Bonnet, the supposed Captain, called out from behind his fellow Captain, who was actually doing the work and calling out the orders like an actual Captain would. But Stede was trying! He was observing and making sure all went well. Or rather that's what he should be doing when in reality, he was just levitating behind Izzy listening to him giving all the orders and repeating them like he knew what he was saying. To be fair, he was a better Captain now than when he first started some time ago and it was all thanks to Izzy. Though they'd gotten off to quite the rough start, but their story turned into something truly beautiful. And here they were now, married. So very deeply in love, committed and bonded in ways they would never be with anyone else, nor did they care to be. They had one another for the rest of their immortal life and they were just fine with that.

Immortal? Why yes, because they were vampires. Vampire pirate Captains to be exact and unlike James Flint's crew, their own crew accepted them as such. Well, they hadn't at first. It took a good while for them to come around, but then again, they didn't have much of a choice. When their secret was found out - mostly thanks to Stede who had difficulty keeping the secret to himself (how could he when he can fly!?) - they had the choice of either accepting and staying as part of the crew or, well, being killed and Stede certainly didn't want that. He liked his crew. Roach, Frenchie, Lucius, Black Pete, Wee John, Fang... and he didn't want to have to kill any of them. Now that would just be depressing. Black Pete wasn't surprised at the information, and apparently had even called it, and remained loyally on the crew, mostly in hopes to be turned into a vampire at some point and since he and Lucius were an item, Lucius stayed.

Frenchie was the most afraid out of them all due to the stories and rumors he's heard about the creatures and Roach simply didn't want to be eaten. But the day they got over it was the day they'd been found hiding with a makeshift cross created by Frenchie and a couple of carrot sticks held by Roach. Izzy found them first and Stede appeared behind Izzy with a curious, "hey guys! what're you up to!?" and then when he saw the carrot sticks, Stede snatched and ate them with a happy smile on his face, oblivious as to why Roach even had them. That was the night they all had a talk and promised their survival and place of safety among the ship. After that, things had been much better. They became a family and kept each other safe. Though admittedly sometimes it was hard for Stede because he loved human blood so much and being surrounded by his human crew was pure torment, thus why he enjoyed hunting quite often when they could and now that they were docked, perhaps they'd be able to tonight.

"I'm not always hungry." Stede argued with a huff, arms crossed over his chest as he continued to float behind Izzy. Or rather now in front of him since he turned to look at him. Izzy wasn't wrong, though. Stede was hungry quite a bit and gods, human blood was his favorite. He had no issues with hunting humans and nor did Izzy, unless unable to for whatever reason. But they were in Nassau now so surely they could find someone. He lowered himself onto the ground, now standing directly in front of Izzy and he groaned. "Can't we do that tomorrow? Or maybe pay others to do it..." Surely some on Nassau would happily do so for even just a little bit of money. "Izzyyyy, we haven't hunted in days." He whined, leaning into his hand. Since they've been out at sea and all, which of course Stede loved, but going too long without human blood was torturous. So when he agreed he beamed and practically bounded on his feet and thanked him with a kiss. "Mm, I think blond. I'm feeling something sweet tonight." Blonds had the sweeter taste whereas brunettes more savory and redheads? The perfect balance of both. He nearly flew into the air from excitement, but managed to resist the urge since they were in Nassau now and he had to be careful. Their crew may know, but Stede wasn't stupid. He knew to keep this secret from anyone and everyone else. "Shall we?" He grinned, his own fangs bared as he held his arm open for his husband, the love of his immortal (and mortal) life.

[meiloorunsmoothie]

how did you first get into Jeremy Jordan

good question—and one i very recently asked myself when the inevitable "how did i become this person" reflection happened 🫣.

i think there were many different factors (most of them not that good) that caused me to dive into obsessive mode so hard (and so quickly)—and it's definitely a "i see it now, but i couldn't back then" kind of situation. however, i'll spare you from those details XD.

the simple story is that, similar to you, i watched tangled the series and instantly fell in love with varian.

i love him

funnily enough, varian was the reason i started watching the show to begin with (coupled with the fact that i love tangled, and rapunzel, and eugene, and pascal, and max, and- 😆). i actually listened to the tts songs before watching the show 🫣 because my sister had gotten hooked on it years before. however, i only listened to the songs with mandy moore and zachary levi 🫣🫣 (cause i was like "who are these other random people, i want rapunzel and eugene"). then one day i listened to "through it all," in which varian has one line (plus an "eh" which i love now, but couldn't tell was him when i first listened XD)—and i was instantly just like: who's that.

have i listened to this one line on loop? you bet.

so i started watching the show—and loved varian from episode one—so naturally, i decide to look up the voice actor. it was jeremy....surprise. except...i didn't actually become obsessed right then. if anything, i was a little weirded out that this tiny boy was voiced by a 30-something year old man 😂 (but it's voice acting, so i was just like: wow, he did a great job 🤩...i'm going to go resume loving varian).

okay and then he sang. i knew he was good from his one line in "through it all", but wOW. adfasjkjaskfjd, on repeat forever and ever.

yes he was

that's not when i became (jeremy) obsessed either XD.

okay...and then a bunch of life stuff/circumstances kind of collided, and let's just say that i was feeling extremely lonely while also struggling with grief. i think there was about a two week period of this before i started actually bouncing back, and i had just reached the end of s1. now tts was doing a good job with bringing much needed happiness in my life, but...s2 had a very noticeable varian-shaped hole in it 😒.

that's when i turned to jeremy jordan youtube. it started off (the first hour) pretty mild—just some of his disney medleys, or the greatest showman video, or just the ones with millions of views—but it very quickly turned into a full out jeremy jordan youtube spiral™️ XD.

i must put this in your face again

i think in part, i latched on so quickly because jeremy and i are actually very similar people in general. i think at the point of extreme change that i was in at the time, it was just nice to "know" someone who was like me—and it definitely helped that there was easy access to extensive jj content. on a slightly different note, this is absolutely the reasoning behind the fact that if i had a chance to see jeremy live, i would choose one of his concerts over, say, gatsby—i am obsessed with jeremy jordan as jeremy jordan XD (hello akp).

literally me (i grew up in california by the way XD)

anyways, fast forward ~3 months, and i joined tumblr 😆...and we all know what happened after that. honestly, not a bad decision in my mind (at least so far), despite being very anti-social media my whole life. i've gotten to chat and obsessively geek out with so many great people, and i'm just so grateful for that 💕.

i've still only watched s1 of supergirl...and many youtube clips

[thunderboltfire]

I was having fun with making up their voices! I've also decided to solve a question of languages (languages color-coded to avoid confusion).

Also, this one has quite a lot of tiny text, so I've included transcripts.

[ID: a list illustrated with colored doodles of characters' heads. Titled Who speaks what?

Igna [cartoon picture of Igna's face drawn in brick red color]: Native language: illiraian (southwestern regional form). Understands enough elvish to know when she's being threatened, and can ask for directions, but not much more.

Argo [cartoon picture of Argo's face drawn in sap green color]: Native language: northern elvish. Fluent in illiraian, hardly discernible accent. (it took Igna 3 months to figure out what's off - he rolls 'R' a bit too hard and his vowels sometimes are pronounced too close to the back of his throat).

Theria [cartoon picture of Theria's face drawn in muted brown color]: Native language: Samhran. Fluent in illiraian, audible samhran accent (difficulty pronouncing consonant clusters, palatalising 'L's and 'T"s, mixing up vowels and dyphtongs, sometimes sing-song affect to the vowels). Speaks basic Andaran and broken Omtheron.

Daen [cartoon picture of Daen's face drawn in violet color]: Native language: Moer. Fluent in illiraian, Andaran and gods know what else. Communicative in old elvish. Understands both dwarven languages, but speaks neither. No discernible accent in illiraian.

Haart [cartoon picture of Haart's face drawn in blue]: Native language: Kará (east-dwarvish). Fluent in illiraian (mostly without an

accent, but he often switches soft and hard 'H'). Understands some Andaran and Omtheron. Knows his local variety of sign language.

Knows some expressions in samhran (exclusively swearwords and toasts).]

-

Results: Igna is a spoiled kid, she's the only one in the group who has the luxury of speaking her native language day-to-day. She grew up in complete nowhere, with a very scarce contact with other languages. Tentative A1 in elvish, due to her dad trying to teach her.

Argo probably had the knowledge of Illiraian hammered into his head during his education - inhabitants of Riss speak exclusively a dialect of elvish day-to-day, but the duchy is an enclave, and it would be severely imparing not to know the neighbors' language.

Theria has been away from home long enough to gain a pretty good grasp of Illiraian, and has around B1 level in Andaran. Both spoken with a pretty thick accent, her native language is from a different language family with a strikingly different phototactics, and she's learnt the foreign languages pretty late.

Daen speaks many languages, and all of them pretty well. Maybe it's his long lifespan, but it's possible he's got a knack for language learning.

Haart has had a similar situation to Argo in a sense he's lived in a close neighboorhood of another language and learnt it in childhood. He comes from a merchant house, so it's understandable his family would want him to know foreign languages.

[ID: a scale diagram titled "profanity meter" Left to right: Daen titled "Apocalyptic event indicator", Igna titled "curses when hurt", Argo titled "curses if pissed", Haart titled "curses to emphasise" and Theria titled "Fuck is a sentence divider"]

-

I have to face the fact that Theria most probably has a severe case of unwashed mouth. Her mercenary career spans a good few years when she enters the stage and she doesn't seem like the type to watch her language, so in all probability she doesn't even notice that she curses like a sailor.

[ID: a list titled "Voice and expression". On the left side there's an up-and-down double ended arrow titled "pitch". Characters from top to bottom:

Igna: Easily the highest voice of the group. Clean, and rather strong despite it. Makes an open and honest impression when speaking, fairly good singing voice.

Theria: on the lower side of feminine voices, full-bodied voice with a bit of a vocal fry, on average way louder than the rest of the group. Enjoys singing, but easily dominates a choir

Argo: rather raspy, matte voice. Has a tendency to mutter - the limited sensitivity on the scarred side of his face makes it harder to speak clearly. Speaks quite fast despite of this. Can't hold a note for his life.

Haart: soft, full baritone. Probably the nicest laughter. Nice singing voice, talks with his hands a lot. Makes a characteristic huff when he's nervous.

Daen: low, resonant voice. Clear pronounciation. Reticent, rarely talks more than necessary. Makes a formal impression.]

Last but not least, my trials to work out how would they probably sound like. (I'm not really one to do voiceclaims).

[blackjackkent]

what do you think wouldve happened in an alternate universe where hector let karlach become a mind flayer?

(A/N after writing this whole answer: whoops, this got out of hand, hope you're okay with an Unexpected Fic. XD Also maybe a smidge weird/dark at the end, although not a ton I hope? Certainly no more than the whole game is weird/dark. XD Anyway I hope you enjoy. <3 )

Ohhhhhhhhh.

Anon, I love you for asking me this question. <3 A very intriguing one!

And it is because I love you for asking me this question that I have braved looking up a video of Karlach actually becoming a mind flayer, which I had put off doing because I am a softheart and I knew it would hurt and also make Hector yell in my head. XD And when Hector yells in my head it's a whole thing because he does double Flurry of Blows against the inside of my skull for 140damage and it's rough enough in there already.

However! I have now watched it and done some thinks. (Hot damn, Lae'zel is MAD too, at least in the version of the scene I watched. The whole thing is very upsetting.)

Fundamentally it would be a tragedy, and not just for Karlach. Watching the way the scenes play out - there is just enough of Karlach in her speech that Hector would not want to disconnect from her. I think perhaps it touches on the same hope that kept him expecting a miracle for her heart right up until the end of the game - somehow, somehow we can make this work, somehow we will find a way...

But there is no way. This is who she is now, a creature of the Astral Sea with his love's voice and an empty place where her soul should be. And unlike the engine situation he can't even kiss her to make himself feel better because she looks like a squid.

-----

The one saving grace is, I suppose, she does seem happy enough. In the epilogue, she states that she has found a way to get brains to eat by consuming from terminally ill patients at a clinic in Baldur's Gate, people who have volunteered for the process because they are about to die anyway. And she talks about helping all of them live on by absorbing their memories and carrying them with her.

It's... sweet, in a way, Hector supposes.

He tries to keep busy. There's no battle in Avernus to occupy him in this timeline, so he primarily works with Jaheira and her kids on rebuilding. It's hard, physical work; it keeps his mind occupied. At first he sleeps at the Elfsong; later, after some nudging from Rion, Jaheira offers him lodging at her home, where he takes a hand in raising the latest crop of orphan children she is protecting. He sees Baldur's Gate start to bandage its wounds and begins to believe there was some purpose to all his struggle.

But his own wounds do not heal so easily.

He visits the clinic often. He and Karlach talk. Her voice is a slow near-monotone in her accent, unlike anything he ever heard from her before. Sometimes he can hear a twinge of her humor or a turn or phrase, and his heart leaps... but other times she speaks of things like destiny and infinite time in a way that reminds him more of the Emperor than the woman he loves.

She never laughs. She doesn't curse. There is never even the slightest mention of sex; though she still fully understands a double entendre when he makes one experimentally, she seems to take no interest in it. She seems to exist slightly beyond him, with a view of the world that is no longer of the Material Plane.

And yet... she does know him. She remembers everything - stories he told her of his childhood in the monastery, details of Selunite rituals she learned from him, quiet moments in camp he half-forgot himself. She still calls him Soldier, and sometimes Hec. She remembers her own parents; she remembers the city. There is just enough of her still in there... just enough for it to squeeze his heart.

----

One day she walks (well, floats) with him to the Singing Lute; she sits with him while he eats. They talk about the rebuilding; he points out from the balcony some of the new homes he has worked on. She is quiet for a long time. "It is good to see the place begin to live again," she says, in that strange cool slow voice that has replaced the old jocular drawl. "It's what it was all for."

He nods. "Do you regret it? Any of it?" Do you remember what we had? What we've lost?

"How could I, Soldier? The city still lives. You still live." A long pause. The old Karlach might have laughed sardonically, but there is no humor. "Even I still live, and I have grown beyond myself. What is there to regret?"

It sits like a rock in his stomach. If she is content, what more can he ask for? And yet it hurts... it hurts...

-----

Jaheira notices that he begins to withdraw back into himself, that he is quieter and more serious. She mentions it to Gale, on one of his visits to the city from Waterdeep.

"You're not wrong there," Gale agrees. "You weren't around yet, when we knew him fresh off the nautiloid. He was much more careful, then. Very controlled. The very picture of monastic stoicism - in between the panicked realization that we were all undergoing a supreme nightmare that never ended, of course. He lightened up, over the months - certainly by the time you knew him."

Jaheira purses her lips. "And this... he is returning to his old ways, you believe?"

"I don't think it would be unreasonable to assume," Gale says, with a sort of bleak humor, "that Karlach is no longer providing the same amount of compensatory levity that she used to."

-----

In the end, almost two years later, Lae'zel is the only one who speaks to him of it directly, and she is brutal - but effective.

"You have been hollowed out, she'lak," she says bluntly, on one of her rare visits from the Astral Plane. "It is a lessening of you. Do you still trail after your ghaik as if bound to her by a lead?"

"I have done much in the city since you left," Hector says, somewhat defensively.

"Chk. I do not speak of your body's business, k'chakhi. I speak of your mind. Your heart. You have lost yourself. You live only for others."

"As I was raised to do. As I have always done."

"Hector." She rarely speaks his name directly, but she does now, and it makes him jump. "You know of what I speak, and I will not have you ignore it. Your work in the city is admirable. You have cause for pride and contentment. Yet you pine after Karlach as if you hope to find her in the shell wearing her voice."

"She's still in there, Lae'zel."

"You mislead yourself," she spits. "Was it not you who taught me the strength to look beyond mindless devotion?"

That stings, and unconsciously he stands up a little straighter. "This is not mindless. It has been earned," he objects.

"Tas'ki. She is ghaik," Lae'zel says flatly. "What remains of her will dwindle, day by day. You know this as well as I." A pause. Then her eyes soften, and her voice with it. "You do not honor her sacrifice by this emptiness, Hector. Nor do you honor yourself."

He says nothing. His lips draw into a tight line. He hears her, and he does not want to.

"Think on what I tell you," she says - for all the world, now, as if she is the wise mentor and he the student in need of guidance. "You are no fool. You know I speak truth. Do not discount it."

-----

It takes a long time, but he does eventually start to come back to himself. Ten years. Twenty years. He grows old, though he loses none of his strength, his training too ingrained to allow him to weaken with age. The city reforms, stronger than ever, and he slowly begins to learn what life is, outside of both monastery and war.

He teaches self-defense to the children Jaheira rescues and others in the Lower City. He learns to (very badly) play a lute at Alfira's school. He tries his hand as a woodworker after so much carpentry work in the rebuilding of the Gate; one day, with some pride, he gifts Halsin a raggedly carved owl in return for the duck. He travels with Shadowheart several times to the House of the Moon in Waterdeep, reaffirming his faith in the light that has guided him through so much darkness.

And he reads voraciously. Everything he can get his hands on, from every library in the city. There is far more knowledge in the world, he comes to learn, than the particular cache with which he grew up.

He visits Karlach less, over time. And Lae'zel was right - there is less and less left of her each time he sees her. She is drifting away from him. And slowly he comes to terms with that - that what they had was a wonderful thing and a fleeting thing that will never come back to him. He learns to live for them both, for the life she would have had with him, had there been time.

He does not love again, though. He lived his whole life devoid of romance before he knew her, and he has little interest in trying to find it again in the years that remain to him.

For the most part, he moves on, and eventually finds himself relatively happy. But there is one last concession to sentimentality and to everything he has lost.

-----

On one bright, cold afternoon in mid-autumn, many years after the Netherbrain has faded into a bleak memory, he goes to the clinic. She is there, much as she always is; she has not seemed to age much in all these years, though the tentacles are slightly longer, a bit more nuanced in their movement.

He, though, is old; the grey dappling in his hair and beard has faded to white. His body acts as strong as ever, but time is implacable; he knows, as she once did, that he has very little left. It is a strange thing - a weakness of spirit rather than flesh, old age's deeper destruction that even the most disciplined monk cannot stave off forever. He is not dying, but he would be dead soon, likely within a few tendays.

"Hector," she says, flat and cool and almost unrecognizable, and inclines her head at him slightly. "You have settled everything?"

"Everything," he says quietly.

"You are still certain it is time?"

"Yes."

"Then we will begin." She gestures him to a secluded corner of the clinic, with a comfortable chair set up for the purpose. He settles himself there and looks up at the clinic's cracked stone ceiling and waits.

"It has been a good life," he comments, as much to himself as to her, as he waits for her to approach. "Lae'zel was right, that I had to move on. I have done much, seen much. I am proud of what we achieved - all of us."

There's a long, expectant silence. Then he leans his head back, closes his eyes. "I never stopped loving you, you know," he adds softly.

"I know," she answers, and her jaws sink into his skull.