#// they're so AWKWARD and it's v sad

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

This is an actual conversation, reproduced nearly verbatim, between me and a friend recently:

"Look, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people outside my family who I feel comfortable going up to and talking to!"

*friend counts, getting to both hands* "No but you're forgetting some. Me, [the boy's sister], my parents-"

*stops her* "I think you're misunderstanding me. I said comfortable. Like sure there are the ones who I can feel comfortable talking to, but not going up to."

"So who's on your list?"

"You, [the boy's sister], [his younger brother], [the boy himself]. That's it."

*friend is, apparently, shocked into silence*

[into-the-grey]

New Year, New Us

Best Friend!Noah Sebastian x F!Reader (18+)

Summary: You and Noah have been close forever, but who knew that new year's could make such a mess?

W.C: 6.6k

Taglist: @anything-more-than-human @blend-in-with-the-madness @rumoured-whispers @thisbicc

Warnings: Alcohol, drunk sex, p in v (unprotected, cause they're idiots), slight fingering (f!recieving), sadness, angst.

Masterlist

A couple more warnings under the cut for those who don't care about spoilers.

Spoiler Warnings: talk of abortion, talk of pregnancy, talk of pro-life v pro choice

ON WITH THE SHOW

The day had been dragging on, and the city was buzzing with excitement and preparations for the coming evening. New Year's Eve, time to wish the last year farewell and move into better days.

Or so you hoped.

The guys had decided to have a get-together. What was originally going to be a few friends and a few drinks had quickly turned into planning a party. You were a little nervous, but it wouldn't be the first time you'd gone to a party at their house.

Noah usually stuck by your side during these events, being a buffer between you and a stranger was easy enough for him. He knew you could get anxious, but he also knew you liked meeting people. It was complicated, but he understood.

'What's the dress code?' You asked him jokingly, your phone on speaker while you brushed your hair. You'd been on the phone with him for about an hour while he ran some last minute errands, picking up snacks and an extra case of white claws.

'I don't know if there is one, but considering the amount of girls Folio invited, probably clothing optional,' Noah snickered.

'Hey, maybe you'll get lucky with one of his spares,' you joked, spraying your hair with a heat protectant before picking up your straightener and adding some curls around your face.

'Maybe,' he said. You could hear his smile in his voice. 'I don't know, I was just gonna wear something casual.'

'What, sweats and an oversized t-shirt?' You asked, running your fingers through a curl to break it up into a soft wave. 'Come on, it's new years, have a little bit of fun with it.'

'And what? Wear my stage clothes? A glittery blazer?'

'Okay first of all, you know that blazer was amazing, and second, you have nice clothes. If I have to do a FaceTime fashion show with you later, I will.'

Noah laughed, knowing you weren't kidding. You would take any excuse to dress him up, and sometimes it was good, other times it lead to some weird outfits.

'I'll tell you what, I'll just match whatever you wear. So if you go over the top, I'll go over the top. Deal?'

'Ah yes, more fuel for the dating rumour fire,' you smirked. 'Fine, I'll send you a picture of what I end up picking.'

'I'm not committing to anything until you show up, Y/N. I know you'll find something insane and then change before you leave just so I'm overdressed.'

'I would never-!' You tried to scoff, but Noah cut you off quickly.

'November 2014, that party at Damon's house.'

'Oh shit, yeah I forgot about that,' you mused. 'You looked good in pink.'

'And you were in jeans and a T-shirt, you brat.' You could hear him trying not to laugh. It had become a cherished memory, despite the awkwardness at the time.

Noah's bright pink sweater had looked pretty good though, and you would stand by it.

The clicking sound of the handbrake being applied sounded through the phone, telling you that Noah was home.

'Alright, I'll be over in about an hour, okay?' You told him, shaking out another curl and watching your hair bounce in the mirror.

'Okay. I meant it, I'll match what you do, so don't fuck me over this time?'

'I won't, I promise. I'll figure something out so you might get a girl later,' you teased. You could picture him rolling his eyes as he said goodbye.

The phone beeped, disconnecting the call and resuming your Spotify playlist. While you finished your hair, you ran through some outfit ideas in your head. If you were going to try and get Noah to look good, you needed to wear something he couldn't argue with.

You had just the outfit in mind.

***

The sun had finally set, and it was time to go. You Ubered to Noah's house, since drinking was an inevitability. You had already planned to crash in Noah's room, like so many other nights.

As you entered the house, the boys were setting up, stashing drinks in coolers and searching for bowls to serve chips in.

'Hey Y/N!' Folio called, waving as you passed.

'Hey! Have you seen him?' You asked.

'Upstairs, he told us you're probably gonna make him wear something stupid so he's trying to hide all his worst clothes,' Folio cackled.

'That sneaky shit,' you laughed, heading up the stairs. 'He's not getting off that easy.'

You had thrown an oversized sweater on over your dress. It felt too early to be wearing something like that, and the sweater made you feel more comfortable until the festivities started.

Plus, Folio had wandering eyes, and you didn't need that just yet.

'Noah,' you called out, tapping on his bedroom door.

'Yeah?'

'Quit hiding your clothes, I have a mental inventory of your wardrobe, dipshit.'

The door swung open, and Noah scowled at you. You met his scowl, flipping him off before you both laughed. You trod into his room, seeing a pile of clothes crammed under his desk.

'Only you would have dedicated my entire closet to memory,' he said, sitting down on his bed.

'Because I think I bought eighty five percent of your clothes?' You shrugged, sitting on his desk chair and crossing your legs.

'So what's the vibe? A sweater and heels?' He asked, raising an eyebrow and looking you up and down.

'Oh no, this is just until the party. The sweater is staying in your room,' you smirked, looking from him and back to the pile of clothes. 'You tried to strip everything, didn't you?'

'Maybe...'

In the closet there were only a few tops left. Most of them were oversized tshirts or bad omens merch. But in the back you could see a few nicer shirts.

Noah watched as you stood, grabbing the black button down and tossing it at him.

'Where's your suit pants?' You asked, peering through the pile under his desk.

'Second drawer, in the back. The belt is with them.'

'Glad to see you've accepted your fate,' you told him with a laugh. Noah's lips curved into a small smile.

'With you? I know you'll keep your promise. No point fighting you.' He stood, turning away from you and taking his shirt off.

While you found his pants and belt, he buttoned up his shirt. Next you went rifling through the jewellery stand, selecting a couple of rings and his gold watch.

'I swear to god, Y/N, you're not seriously dressing me up like one of those Mafia guys in the books you read, are you?' Noah groaned, buckling his belt before turning to face you.

You picked up the chain he usually wore, debating if it was too much. Ultimately deciding against it, you put it down and closed the closet door.

'If I am, it's not intentional, but you look good,' you told him, handing him the rings and the watch.

He slipped the accessories on, looking at himself in the mirror on the closet door. You stood beside him, arms crossed and lips pursed. You hummed to yourself, trying to think what was missing.

'Lose a button,' you finally said.

'Seriously?' He laughed.

'If my tits are gonna be out, so are yours. Lose a button. And roll up your sleeves, Jesus, we're not in church anymore,' you giggled.

Noah's cheeks heated at the mention of your tits, but you didn't notice it. Now he was curious to see what you were hiding under the sweater.

As he followed your instructions, you realised that the house was starting to fill with noise. People were arriving, and someone had turned on the stereo.

'Shit, it's eight already?' Noah said, looking at the watch on his wrist.

'Yup. Ready to mingle?' You said, giggling. You tried to mask your nerves, but Noah knew you too well.

'If you want to stay up here we can, you know? Or I'll just stay with you the whole time?'

'I'll be okay,' you promised him. 'Get two drinks in me and I'll be a functional adult, no anxiety to be seen.'

He rolled his eyes at you, shaking his head slightly.

'Alright, you win, mingling it is.'

Before you could leave the room, Noah tutted at you.

'Forgetting something?' He asked.

You pursed your lips, quietly regretting your choices. Sure, your dress had convinced Noah to let you play barbie, and he looked hot, but now you had to bite the bullet and lose the sweater.

Sighing, you quickly lifted the sweater off, draping it on the back of his desk chair. Noah's eyes widened as he took in the dress... if it could be called a dress.

It was more like a second skin. It was unbelievably tight, hugging every curve. The neckline was more of a navel-line. The cleavage of the dress plunged down, showing off the space between your breasts and a little below them. The spaghetti straps weren't so much straps as superfine chains, and the hem of the dress hit the midpoint of your thigh, just cresting that part where it was dangerous to bend over.

A flush of warmth surged through Noah as he stared at you. Sure, you were best friends, but he wasn't blind.

'Holy shit, you weren't kidding about having your tits out. Where have you been hiding that?' He asked incredulously, crossing his arms over his chest.

'It was an impulse buy a few years ago. I've been waiting for an excuse to drag it out,' you shrugged, clearly feeling a little insecure.

'Y/N, I'm not leaving you alone tonight. The guys won't keep their hands to themselves if I do,' he laughed.

'Oh shit,' you giggled, knowing he was trying to boost your confidence. It was working.

'Maybe you should leave the sweater on, Folio's girls might get jealous...'

'Let 'em.'

***

Noah kept his promise, staying nearby and keeping an eye on you throughout the night. At first you hadn't thought he'd need to, but a couple of guys tried to hit on you, and even Folio got a little comfortable after a few drinks. When Noah wasn't busy batting away the other girls, he was close by, keeping people's hands off you.

As the hours wore on, and midnight grew closer, you found yourself drifting from a conversation to a drinking game and back again.

Outside by the fire pit there was a game of "never have I ever" going, and for the short time you and Noah joined, you ended up downing three shots and finishing a white claw. Noah didn't drink as much during that game, but he didn't do so well with beer pong.

You were both sufficiently buzzed when someone turned the tv on for the final countdown to midnight.

Noah dragged you inside, standing in a quiet corner while people filled the living room.

'Have you got a resolution this year?' He asked you, leaning against the wall.

'Have you?' You said simply, mirroring his stance, facing him with your shoulder on the wall.

'Nothing serious,' he said with a laugh, 'I wouldn't mind getting laid.'

'Oh god, same,' you agreed, turning and leaning your back against the wall. 'It has been way too long since I've had a good fuck.'

Noah nodded, chuckling with you. Through your drunken stupor you didn't see the way his eyes trailed over your body.

'Me too,' he nodded. 'You ever thought about the whole "friends with benefits" thing?'

'Yeah,' you sighed, 'but most guys who want that are only trying to cheat on their girlfriends or wives. I've never found a guy who was open to it without being a total sleaze.'

'Shame,' he said softly. The room was filling with people, everyone's eyes on the screen as the ball began to drop.

People began to yell out, counting down.

'Hey, Noah?' You asked, a stupid idea forming in your mind.

'Yeah?' He asked, watching you as a grin spread over your lips.

'Wanna do the midnight kiss thing? Just so we can say we did?'

THREE!

TWO!

ONE!

As the city filled with cries of "Happy New Year" and fireworks filled the sky, Noah's lips crashed to yours. It was sloppy, it was drunk, there was a lot of teeth to start with because the two of you were laughing so much, but it was fun.

His hand grabbed for your face, pulling you to him while you figured out your harmony.

You pulled back, giggling as you looked up at him. Your lipstick was smeared across his lips, his beautiful smile now tinted with streaks of deep red.

For a second, you were frozen, looking at each other with dumbstruck grins.

And then he kissed you again.

And this time it was careful, tender. This wasn't a joke anymore.

You kissed him back, feeling your body fluttering in every way while your head spun. His hand snaked to your lower back, pulling you closer to him. Your hand ran into his hair, your heart hammering in your chest.

You clung to him while your arm locked behind his neck, his tongue exploring your mouth in ways you'd never experienced.

For a moment, the din of the party fell away. It was just the two of you, clinging to each other like you'd just found the only life preserver left on a sinking ship. Fire burned through your veins, his touch only stoking the flames. It had been so long since anyone had touched you that way, since anyone craved you the way Noah seemed to in that moment.

His hands stayed on you as you panted, a small gap forming between you while you accustomed to breathing again.

'Upstairs,' you breathed, 'now.'

Noah didn't need to be told twice. He took your hand, guiding you through the still packed room of people making out with whoever they had chosen for the night. You climbed the stairs behind him and quickly made your way to his room. He lead you in, locking the door behind him and taking two quick strides towards you.

His hands ran over your body, pushing the chains off your shoulders while his lips pressed against yours fervently. You fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, wanting to just rip it off of him and send the buttons skittering across the carpet...

You'd never thought you'd want to do this with Noah, but now, the idea couldn't turn you on more.

His head dipped to your neck as you shoved the shirt off of his shoulders, his teeth clamping onto your throat and earning a whine from you.

His hands dropped lower, pulling the dress down until it pooled around your feet. You fought with his belt, determined to have him just as bare as you.

Finally, he helped, his rushed hands unbuckling the belt and letting his slacks fall to the floor.

Noah laid you down on the bed, hovering over you and kissing every part of your body he could reach.

'I have wanted to do this for so fucking long,' he breathed, taking your pert nipple into his mouth and sucking hard while his fingers slipped into your panties.

'Oh fuck,' you whimpered, his finger swirling over your clit.

Your core ached for him, and in your haze, you didn't have much patience for foreplay. You were so wet already, you didn't need it.

'Noah,' you begged, 'please...'

Returning to your face, Noah freed himself from his underwear, his cock springing up and slapping his abdomen. It was swollen, angry, and already leaking.

He slid your panties to the side, lining himself up with your entrance.

'You're sure about this?' He asked gently, kissing you again. The fervour had dimmed for a moment, his tone earnest and his eyes searching yours. All you had to do was say no and he would stop...

'I'm sure,' you told him, kissing him again.

'Okay.' He kept his lips on yours, kissing you deeply as he slid his cock into you. Slowly, inch by inch, he stretched you open. You hadn't had a real man between your legs in years, and vibrators only felt so real...

Noah moaned against your lips, your mouth falling open as he seated himself as deep as he could.

'Holy shit, Y/N, baby you feel so good,' he murmured, his cock twitching while you each adjusted to the squeeze and the stretch.

'Fucking hell, Noah,' you couldn't think of what to say, your mind was blown with pleasure and he hadn't even moved yet.

Slowly, Noah began to move, rolling his hips in a fluid motion. Your back arched into him while he figured you out.

'Does that feel good, baby?' He murmured, taking one of your breasts in his hand and pinching your nipple lightly, 'or do you want faster?'

'Faster,' you agreed, whining, 'oh god, you're so perfect.'

Noah chuckled against your skin, kissing at your neck and your jaw while he sped up. 'You're so wet, so tight,' he told you, 'you're everything I dreamed you would be.'

'You dreamed about this?'

'Mhmm, a lot.'

The idea of Noah secretly fantasising about you set your body on fire. You wondered how many times you'd missed him staring, how often he thought about it. Did he think of you when he was alone? Was it your name on his lips when he finished himself off in the early hours of the morning?

You could only hope he never found out that you'd named your favourite vibrator after him. It was a secret you had been harbouring for a while, and in those hours where it kept you company, you felt a pang of guilt every time you finished with a cry of his name.

But here? Now? You finally got to fulfil that secret dream of yours, knowing he thought of it too. Fuck the consequences. That would be a problem for tomorrow.

'Show me,' you mewled, 'oh god, show me what you dreamed about.'

Noah grinned, raking his teeth over your throat gently.

'Gladly.'

His hand dropped from your nipple to your pussy, his thumb swirling over your clit and shooting sparks through your body.

His pace increased, and he lifted your leg over his shoulder, letting his cock stroke deeper.

'Oh fuck,' you whimpered, feeling his tip drag along the fleshy spot that would turn you into a puddle.

'Good girl,' he grinned, kissing the inside of your leg as he fucked into you, 'look at your pussy, so eager for me, god, you're so perfect.'

Your muscles clenched, his words only driving you closer to climax.

'Keep talking, baby, please,' you begged.

'You like dirty talk? Or is it when I praise you?'

'Fuck, both, both,' you whined, gasping as he tormented you right where you needed it. Spots began to cloud your vision as he dragged you closer to the edge.

'You're doing so good for me, baby. I'm getting so close,' he breathed, 'you're getting so tight, you're gonna make me come.'

Endurance was a distant dream. With the drunk fog in your brain, there was nothing to think about. You were both operating on pure instinct and sensation, and the high was ready to crash over you like a tidal wave, dragging you into its deep waters.

'I'm gonna come,' you told him, your back arching and hands reaching for anything to hold on to. The delicious feeling was so close, teasing you.

'That's my girl. Come for me, I wanna feel you fall apart for me,' he groaned, his thrusts starting to falter and his fingertips digging into your hips. 'Come with me, baby.'

'Don't stop, oh god,' you cried, your muscles clenching hard around him.

'Fuck, so tight, so good,' he groaned, his head falling back as your orgasm finally peaked. It took everything in you not to scream.

Noah's laboured cries matched yours, moaning as he gave you his all, fucking through both of your orgasms and emptying himself into you.

'That... was... exactly... what I needed,' you gasped. Noah rested his head on your chest, his eyes fluttering closed.

'Definitely,' he agreed.

***

You awoke the next day to the sun peeking through the blinds.

An arm laid over you, the skin warm against yours. You rolled over in bed, trying to get away from the sunlight, and opened your eyes.

Through bleary eyes, you saw Noah. He was disheveled and his lips were covered in deep red streaks, completely knocked out on the pillow beside you.

The sight made you giggle a little, until you realised it was your lipstick.

And that you were naked.

And that your thighs were sticky.

'Oh shit,' you whisper, your head pounding as you sat up. Thankfully Noah didn't stir, and you slid out of the bed quietly.

Last nights events seeped back into your thumping head as the cool air hit your bare skin. You could still feel the ghost of his grip on your hips. In the mirror you could see the bruises of hickeys left on your neck and chest, each one ringed with a smear of lipstick that had journeyed from your mouth to his and all over your body.

Thankfully, your panties were still on, so you grabbed your sweater, throwing it on and covering yourself.

Your face burned as you looked at Noah, sleeping so peacefully. He slept like the dead, and you had never been more grateful for that. Snatching your phone off of his desk, you ordered an uber, not wanting to be around when Noah woke up.

The rest of the house seemed silent, and it was only nine. You hoped that everyone would still be asleep as you grabbed your shoes and your dress and silently left the room.

The house was a disaster, cups and streamers littered the halls and most surfaces. You paid no mind, edging your way to the front door. As you passed the small alcove where you and Noah had stood, you remembered what happened when midnight struck.

You had been the one to come on to him. You asked him to kiss you. You made things weird. Shame burned through you as you shook your head, cringing at yourself and the headache that the motion brought on.

Sure, the parts you could remember had been fun, but there was no way your friendship could be the same after this. You couldn't be sure what happened in those black spots.

You'd had a crush on Noah for a long time. Anyone with eyes would, and anyone who knew him loved him. Of course you'd fallen into that trap.

How could you be normal with him after having a taste of what could have been? And how quickly would he be repulsed by what happened?

Mercifully, the Uber didn't take long to arrive. You slipped out the front door, closing it as quietly as possible as you disappeared into the morning sun.

***

Noah tried to call you later that day. You had already decided to lie and say you slept for most of the day. But the weeks after? They were hard to bluff your way through.

He was your best friend, he knew something was up, and it was clear that it was hurting him that you were avoiding him.

He worried. He made it clear that he was concerned about you, pushing to talk to you. Every time, you blew it off and tried to dissuade him with a half truth about work.

You dodged phone calls, and you sent as many short texts as you could, trying to assure him that everything was fine, you were just busy. You even did everything you could just to keep yourself busy, trying to keep yourself somewhat honest.

Noah knew better than to believe you. He knew this behaviour. The last time you had dodged him like this, you were hiding the time you had spent in hospital after a bad night. When he finally found out the truth, he made you promise to call him instead, and this was the first time you'd broken that promise in years.

After a few weeks, he stopped waiting for you to come to him. Noah showed up at your house unannounced. He had let himself in and he sat on your couch to wait for you to get home from work.

When you opened your door that afternoon, you hand your head low. His truck in the drive was a giveaway, you knew he was waiting for you.

You considered not going inside, but you knew that he would stay all night if he had to.

Unlocking the door, you entered the house quietly, almost hoping he wouldn't notice you. Instead, his eyes followed you as you toed your shoes off by the door and kept your head down.

'Hey,' he called.

'Mm,' you mumbled back, beelining for the kitchen. You figured you could busy yourself making dinner or a coffee, anything to avoid him for a minute longer.

'Y/N.'

His voice was stern this time. You froze, shoulders hunched and shrinking in on yourself. Pursing your lips, you listened as he stood up and crossed the tiled floor, his socked feet almost silent.

'What's going on?' He asked you softly. He stood in front of you, his arms crossed as he stared you down.

He didn't look mad though. His stance might have, but you could see the worry in his eyes. It tugged his lip into a slight frown while he waited for your response.

'I told you, I'm fine, I've just been really-'

'Busy? Yeah, so you've said. If you were "just busy", why are you sneaking around your own house like you're scared of me?'

You felt the blood drain from your face. He had you there. Your fingers tightened, clenching into fists and loosening again while you tried to think of anything to say. You were sure you looked like a goldfish while you stammered.

You were panicking, but he wasn't going to let you leave, and you couldn't avoid him. Instead, he carefully took your hand in his. He was gentle as he lead you to the small living room.

'Y/N, what's going on?' he asked, sitting on the edge of the couch while you stood awkwardly, picking at your fingernails. 'You've been off since the party, and I know it's me. All I can wonder is "what did I do?" And you won't tell me.'

You paused, holding a breath. He thought it was his fault. Of course he did, you'd never given him any reason to think otherwise.

'What do you remember from that night?' you asked, your voice small as you sat down on the wooden coffee table. You couldn't meet his eye, too afraid of what he would say if he knew the truth.

'Not a lot,' he said, 'I remember that we played some drinking games, and I remember losing really badly at beer pong, but after that is mostly a blur.'

'Mostly?'

'I...' he trailed off, his thumb running over his palm awkwardly. 'I remember that we kissed, at least, I'm pretty sure we did. I was that far gone that it could have been anyone...'

You took a deep breath, preparing for the worst as you summoned the courage to tell him the truth.

'It was me. And it was my fault. I said that we should kiss, just so we could say we had a midnight kiss with someone. I didn't think this would happen. I didn't think we'd go that far, but even then, it was still my fault. It was my idea-'

'Y/N, you're rambling and you're being cryptic, I'm gonna need you to take a breath and spell it out for me,' Noah prodded gently. 'Whatever it is, I'm sure it's no big deal.'

'It really is a big deal,' you said, your throat trying to close over the words.

'How bad could it be?' He said softly, a reassuring smile lifting the corner of his lips. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he tried to meet your gaze, but you couldn't.

Your head dropped, staring at your fingers while the words caught in your throat. You hadn't said them out loud yet. You were so scared he'd regret it, or find it repulsive.

'We...' you stammered, swallowing hard, 'We had sex.'

Noah froze. His eyes widening while he processed the information.

'We... We had sex on new years?' He asked slowly, his face flushing as he spoke.

'Yeah.'

'That's why you've been avoiding me?'

'Mhmm,' you hummed with a tight nod, picking at your fingernails again. 'I know it's stupid, but I didn't want to ruin things between us and then I did it anyway because I was too scared to talk to you and-'

Noah shifted from the couch, moving to sit beside you on the coffee table and taking your hand, squeezing it firmly.

'Y/N, breathe,' he told you, his other hand rubbing your arm gently. He was going through the same whirlwind of emotions that you had gone through that morning, but somehow he handled it with ease.

'I can't, this is all my fault, I started it.' You were adamant. You'd been telling yourself the same lines for weeks now, trying to absolve him of fault. 'I initiated, I made the mistake, and I didn't want to drag you into this. I hoped that it would blow over and we would just forget because you're my best friend and I don't want to fuck that up-'

Noah shook his head, cutting you off again. You weren't oblivious to the way his face screwed up as you called it a mistake. 

'Don't do that to yourself. It takes two, and I'm sure I was more than willing to be involved.'

You pursed your lips, remembering the things he'd said. Silently you cursed yourself for the way your body tingled at the memory of his words. His hand on your arm seemed to burn at the thought.

'You were. You told me you'd dreamed about it before. I assumed that was just the alcohol.'

Noah's pink cheeks and awkward laugh gave him away quickly.

'Uh, nope. Definitely a case of drunk words being sober thoughts.'

You turned to him, a quizzical look on your face and a hint of a laugh bubbling in your chest. All the emotions you'd been fighting had reached a point of delirium.

'Hold it, you've actually dreamed about us fucking?' You asked him incredulously. You were flattered, but also baffled. How could he want that with you?

Noah nodded, chewing his lip and looking around the room for anything else to focus on. He could feel your eyes boring into the side of his head while he rubbed the back of his neck.

'Look, now is probably the best time to put the cards on the table,' he said quietly, scratching his jaw. 'I've wanted a lot more with you for a while now, but I didn't think you wanted the same since you were always pushing me at other girls, so I just shut my mouth. I didn't want to force anything on you, but Y/N, dude, come on. I've been in love with you for years, and you're the only person who doesn't seem to notice it.'

You froze, furrowing your brows and shaking your head a couple of times before looking up at his sheepish smirk. Your mouth opened, a smile on your lips as you processed what he said.

'Did you really just call me "dude" and say you're in love with me in the same sentence?'

Noah nodded, pursing his lips as he laughed at himself. 'Yup.'

'For gods sake, what a way to share your feelings, man.'

'I know,' he chuckled, 'but I'd rather you know instead of hiding from me and beating yourself up about a night I only wish I could remember.'

You smiled, blushing and laughing softly. 'I guess now is probably the time where I'm supposed to let you down easy and tell you I'm flattered, but I really just want to be friends?'

'Wow, just go straight for it, huh?' he chuckled, gently placing his hand on your back. 'Look, if that's how you feel, then thats okay with me. I'd rather be your friend than not have you in my life.'

You smirked, looking up at him. You could see the slight disappointment in his face as he looked at your entwined hands, but he was doing his best to hide it for your sake.

'Oh my god, Noah, look at me,' you said, his eyes lifting to yours, sparkling in the low light.

Your heart fluttered as you lifted your free hand to his cheek.

'I'm kidding, you dipshit, fucking kiss me already,' you told him, a grin on your face.

His eyes lit up, and he didn't need to be told twice. His lips were on yours in seconds, and it felt a million times better sober. His fingers stayed tangled with yours, his other hand pulling you close to him.

That same feeling of fire burned through you, wanting nothing more than to feel him everywhere. Your head spun and your heart pounded in your chest as he kissed you, his soft lips felt like home. You started to wonder what you were drunk on that night, was it the vodka, or him?

Your fingers ran into his hair, and you had to break the kiss so you could let out the giddy laugh that was building in your stomach.

'You're cruel,' he told you, his face inches from yours as his thumb ran over your knuckles.

'And yet, you love it for some reason?' You shot back, pecking his lips.

'I do,' he grinned, 'I really do.'

'Good, cause fucking hell I love you.'

***

If only that was where it had ended. A dopey, saccharine happy ending.

But no.

There was a consequence you had yet to encounter. A choice you had yet to pay for.

Something so simple, so many people fall into the same trap. And you didn't even notice, you wouldn't have either.

Until the app on your phone told you that it had been a while...

Two months, to be precise. You didn't dare tell Noah yet. Not until you were sure. He was busy preparing for a UK tour, and you'd only been together as a real couple for a month.

So you couldn't tell him until you tested with a doctor. Home tests could be wrong, right?

The doctor ordered blood tests, and waiting for those results was agony.

But here you sat, digesting the information the doctor had told you while you sat on the side of your bed.

You were pregnant. Seven weeks pregnant, give or take. But it didn't matter, you knew exactly when it happened.

This was not how this was supposed to go. If you were ever worried about upsetting Noah before, this was going to fuck him up.

You didn't even know his stance. Was he pro choice? Pro life? What would he say if you told him that you didn't want this yet?

Should you even tell him?

Of course, there was no way around it. You'd have to do it soon if you wanted to just take the tablets. You couldn't wait til he was on tour. He would see you in pain and know something wasn't right.

He deserved to know, didn't he?

It took him a little while, but Noah eventually found you in the bedroom. He saw you sitting on the side of the bed, crying softly to yourself, hand clutched to your belly.

'Hey, baby, what's wrong?' He asked, moving swiftly to your side and sitting with you. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you to him, rubbing your back.

'We need to talk, and I don't know how you're going to handle it,' you whimpered, sniffing hard.

'You're not leaving me, are you?' He asked, his tone low and worried. You felt his arms tense around you, but you quickly shook your head.

'No, god no,' you coughed, looking up at him. 'I just got off the phone with my doctor.'

'Are you okay?'

You could see his eyes widen with fear, the idea of anything bad happening to you squeezed at his heart.

You weren't sure how to answer that question. Hell, you hadn't even said the words out loud yet. You'd only found out a few days before, you'd barely had time to process the home test, let alone the phone call confirming it.

'I'm pregnant.'

'And you don't want to be.'

'Not right now,' you said quietly, shaking your head. 'I'm so sorry, Noah. I'm sorry if you want this, but it's not what I want right now. I want us to be together for a while longer before we even think about kids, or marriage, or any of that. I'm still learning about this side of you, I want that to myself, I want to make stupid choices with you and not have to worry about a kid yet. One day, sure, but not now.'

'Baby, breathe for me. It's okay,' he assured you, 'I understand. And whatever you choose, I'm with you. But you're right, we're so new to each other like this... and I want to be able to steal you into empty bedrooms for a while,' he chuckled. 'I want you to myself too. One day, we'll talk family, but you're not ready and I'm not ready, and that's okay.'

He wrapped you in a tight embrace while you sniffled, trying to control your breaths as he stroked your hair.

'I love you, okay? No matter what,' he breathed, kissing the top of your head firmly.

You nodded against him. 'I love you,' you told him, your voice muffled by his hoodie.

'I have something to run by you,' he asked, 'I was gonna ask anyway, but I think you need it now more than ever.'

'Mmh?'

He chuckled as he rocked you from side to side. 'I was wondering if you wanted to come to the UK? I know you've got a lot of personal time you need to use, and I really don't want to be without you for three whole weeks...'

'I'll talk to my boss,' you said softly, 'but a few weeks away sounds like a realy good idea right now, with or without the chaos.'

Noah smirked, kissing your head again.

'We'll get you in to the doctor as soon as we can, and I'll be there with you every step of the way. And when everything is over, we'll be on our way to London,' he told you, his tone soothing.

You loved how good it sounded, and his voice was exactly what you needed in that moment. The tears finally slowed, knowing he was with you and that he had your back.

'I love you,' you told him earnestly.

'I love you too,' he said.

'No, like, I love you,' you murmured, 'I love you so much for supporting me with this, and just being there in general. You hold me together a lot more than you need to, and I don't know why the fuck I thought you wouldn't be with me on this one.'

'Neither do I, whatever you need, I'm always with you.'

'And I'm with you.'

Sinking further into his embrace, if that was even possible, you let him soothe you. This was love. This was everything you ever wanted, and you'd never felt better.

Who knew that New Year's parties could be so special?

[crazyk-imagine]

Misunderstandings and New Found Love

Pairing: Paul Lahote x Hybrid!reader

Characters: Sam Uley, Hybrid!reader, Emily Young, Edward Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Esme Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, Victoria, Jared Cameron, Paul Lahote, Leah Clearwater, Seth Clearwater, Jacob Black, Embry Call, Quil Ateara V, Bella Swan (briefly mentioned)

Warnings: The science in here makes total sense, angst, fluff, happy ending, the ending might be quick but there's time skips people, characters might be ooc but idc, twilight tings, Sam and Emily being iconic, cursing, reader uses last name when they're mad, Jared's the comedic relief, Paul and reader have a past

Word Count: 4,800

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You look up, ready to help the most recent customer who walked in; only to find the one person you didn’t. You hold back the urge to roll your eyes. “How can I help you, sir?”

“I’m not here to ask.”

“Then why are you here,” you hiss at him.

"I'm just... checking on you.”

“Checking on me? Did you check on me when my dad died or when my mom left and died in the accident because as I recall, Uley, you didn’t. So, I’m going to kindly ask that you get whatever you need and leave.”

“Have we really come to this?”

“Yes,” you nod, grabbing the next order and setting it in front of one of your regulars before walking back to him. “Ever since you all… changed, things have been tense."

"Why are you here?”

“You know why.”

“No one-"

“You have no idea what anyone thinks or the looks they give me.” You take a deep breath, trying not to let him know how much it affects you. “I just- I want it to stop. I’m tired of them all staring at me like I’m a monster. As if this isn’t enough,” you mumble the last part under your breath.

His shoulders sag, not realizing anything that’s going on in your life. “You should come by the res tomorrow.”

Before you can try and argue with him as he rearranges the bags so he can have a better grip on them.

“No one but Em and I will be there.”

“They’re going to know I was there.”

“They won’t know it was you specifically and besides, I’m their alpha.”

“Way to use your title for your own gain.”

“It got you to smile. Thanks for the food.”

-

You shake your head, knowing it’s a bad idea even though you’re sitting in their makeshift driveway.

Sam’s warmth emanates through the door. “You coming in?”

“You gonna put on a shirt.”

“I will if you come in.”

“That sounds like blackmail.”

“Just-”

“Sam, quit standing in front of her door. She can’t get out if you’re just standing there.”

“Yeah, Sam.”

He narrows his eyes and steps back. “You really want to make fun of the alpha?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

“Alright, you two.”

You snicker when the man beside you lowers his head, looking like a sad puppy.

“It’s nice to see you again. How are you?”

You shrug, officially feeling more awkward than ever.

“You can talk to us, you know. We always cared about you.”

“That’s nice of you to say, Emily. But I don’t think anyone in town would agree with you.”

“Good thing I’m not like everyone else.”

You lower your head as the scent of one of her infamous muffins hits your sensitive nose.

“I’m sure you’re hungry after being up for a while.”

You shrug.

“So, what brings you here?”

“Your heater came into the diner, again and basically begged me to come over.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “You’re one to talk.”

“Why do you think I’m in layers?”

“A sign of self-torture.”

“Sam-”

“I can’t pretend that they’re not hiding themselves from the world after everything that’s happened.”

“Thanks for never changing and I’ll take that as my cue to leave.” You move to get off the stool.

“No, you’re not. Sam, stop bringing up things they’re not ready to talk about.”

“Fine.”

She hands you a mug of hot cocoa, knowing it’s your favorite to have around the holidays.

“What… do you guys know?” You tap the rim of the mug, watching the steam disappear.

“Only that you shifted,” he answers after the couple share a look with one another.

“Everyone thinks I shifted in the car, right?”

“Not everyone.”

“What do you think happened?” You ask, lifting your head.

"A cold one was nearby.”

You nod, “yeah. She,” you shake your head, feeling your body start to shake.

"You don’t have to talk about it.”

You give her a soft smile.

“She decided to leave because it was too much and left me a note, not even bothering to apologize and it- it pissed me off. I shifted and then ran after her, only to find one of them going after her and… took care of it.”

“You weren’t in the car?”

You shake your head, wiping your cheeks. "No."

"Why does everyone think you were?”

“I pulled her out and-” You cover your face.

“Do you remember who it was?”

“It was some redhead, I think. She definitely wasn’t happy with me.”

“What do you mean?”

You shrug, not wanting to worry them.

After talking for a few hours, you know it’s time to leave.

“What? No," Emily whines.

"Em, they don’t like me, and I’d rather not be glared at while you try and take care of everyone.”

“I still don’t want you to leave.”

“I do.” You grab your stuff and grab your bag before pausing. “Thank you for listening.”

“Always,” the woman smiles. “We’ll see you again, okay.”

-

You kept in touch but didn’t go back to their home for a while, not until you were dragged back by Sam but we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves.

-

You knew what was happening and watched from a distance, never letting the cold ones or the other wolves know of your presence.

The alpha was the only one who knew you were there.

You didn’t tell him you’d be nearby in case they needed an extra body because they thought you were a murderer.

A couple of the newborns sneaked into the woods to try and escape but never got far enough with you there.

Body parts were flying around so no one questioned anything when more came their way.

Then you turned around and noticed one of them aiming for Leah, before Jake could even try to intervene, you did; barely batting an eye when they stared in your direction.

You shoved her out of the way and took care of the newborn before anyone could get hurt, shocking everyone but Sam, who grabbed your arm and pulled you to the side. “What was that?”

“I saved someone from your pack before they could get hurt, what’s it look like?”

“Don’t take that attitude with me.”

“Try and control me, watch what happens.”

He growls your name.

“I needed this.”

The mind reader is beside you two, trying to calm everyone down. “She’s the reason, isn’t she?”

You glance at him from the corner of your eye. “Yeah, so this felt like I could save someone and get my own revenge.”

“She, did it?”

You scoff, snatching your arm out of his grasp. “Don’t act like you didn’t know. You knew the moment I told you.”

He tries to defend himself but you’re not having any of it. “I ask one thing of you, vegetarian.”

He raises his brow.

“I lite her.” You pull up your sleeve, he notices the bite on your arm but doesn’t comment on it (yet).

You take the torch from the blonde and stare into the red head’s eyes for a second, “hopefully you’re not tortured too bad in hell.”

You glance at the other cold ones and raise a brow. “If you guys die, you’re definitely not going where that bitch is. You know better and have worked on redeeming yourselves.”

They glance at one another, not expecting you to hear that.

You rip your sleeves and make a quick wrap for the human. “Wrap this around your arm, it should help until you can get the proper bandaging."

She blinks owlishly, “oh- uh- thanks?”

“Don’t mention it.”

-

“Who do you think you are?” She gets in your face.

“You better move before you do something you’re going to regret, Leah.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s rich coming from the murderer.”

You scoff through your nose and grab her by the collar of her shirt, her eyes widen not expecting this to get physical but doesn’t back down. “Say that again when I’m the one who saved your ass. You have no idea what happened that day, so you need to shut your mouth.”

Sam stands behind you, waiting to see what happens because he knows that you know better than to fight someone.

“Keep your pack in check, Uley.”

“Where are you going?”

“Somewhere I won’t get pissed off.”

-

You start to head into the woods when the mind reader stands in front of you.

“Did she do that?”

You don’t need to look down to figure out what he’s talking about. “That’s why neither you nor the others can smell me. I hide it.”

“They don’t know, do they?”

“Not about this, only Sam and his girl know about the red head's involvement. I only shared so you’d know.”

“That was kind of you to share even when you didn’t need to.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m frickin’ amazing, can I go now?”

He steps aside. “You should stay with them.”

“How can I do that when they don’t trust me?”

“Make them.”

“It’s not easy, Cullen.”

“If you can do it with their alpha, you can tell the others.”

You roll your eyes, “get your girl checked out before she gets an infection.”

He heads back over towards Bella.

-

“Did you see her arms?” The human asks.

He nods. “They don’t know.”

“Know what?”

“Of Victoria’s involvement in the worst day of her life.”

Esme and Jasper’s shoulders sag, unable to imagine what you went through.

“And it’s still alive?” Rosalie chimes in.

“She'll become hybrid.”

The Cullens raise their brows.

-

Sam orders everyone to go back to Emily’s and hopes you do the same after seeing your arms.

You roll your eyes and answer his call. “Unavailable, please leave a message after I hang up."

“Cute, get to Emily’s.”

“You can’t make me.”

You can hear the couple arguing over who should be the one to talk to you.

“Please come over. We have a lot to talk about.”

You sigh, “do they still think I did it?"

"You can change their minds.”

“That’s so much work,” you groan.

“Please. I haven’t seen you in a few weeks and I know you barely know your way around a kitchen.”

“I’m better than you think.”

-

You stand on the porch, knowing it's going to be hell the moment you step inside.

“You’re going to put a hole in their porch the longer you stay out there,” Paul jokes, earning a chuckle from almost all of his pack mates.

You open the door and ignore their gazes as Emily pulls you into a hug.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” She pulls back and checks over your eyes stopping on your arms. Her worried eyes land on your face. “Did she-”

You glance at the pack from the corner of your eye, sensing their stares.

Sam stands beside you, placing a hand on your back as he shares a stare with his fiancée. “Sit down with the others while I finish up dinner.”

He guides you to sit but the uncomfortableness emanating from them makes you aim for the couch. "You're sitting at the table.”

“Sam-”

“A pack sits together.”

Paul and Jared scoff. “As if they’re part of the pack. Not after what happened,” the former says.

You tense up, closing your eyes so as to not lose your cool.

“Don’t talk about it,” Emily tells them.

“How are we supposed to ignore the fact-”

You growl, eyes changing colors; you can’t turn around. “Ignore the fact that my mother died, and I almost did, at the hands of that red headed bitch no less.”

Emily says your name.

“Sorry, Em. I know cursing is basically forbidden in here but that was me being nice.”

You push yourself off the couch. “This was a bad idea.” You try to pass the pack when one of them sticks their foot out, you kick it with too much strength, irking the hot head.

You open the door and nearly fall, the doorway being the only reason you’re still standing.

“Hey, hey,” Sam started freaking out. “What’s going on?”

You run towards the railing and throw up.

“Why is it- are throwing up-” He stops himself when he sees the color. “What did you do?”

“I’m dying lone wolf. What does it look like?”

“I told you-”

“They hate me. It was never going to happen.”

He picks you up and brings you back inside. “Call Carlisle and ask him what we can do?”

Paul makes another snide comment and you’re losing it.

You get away from the alpha and grab the wolf’s shoulders, shoving him into the wall, not at all making eye contact with him until you hold him in place, with the black bile dripping down your chin.

“Listen here, Lahote and listen well. I will not take any more of your smartass comments. I am still a person with the same issues as yours just a little extra, but your comments stop now. I am tired of everyone thinking I did it. You want to know what happened. That red head came into town and my mom decided enough was enough, she packed a bag and was getting ready to leave. I shifted, found her about to eat my mom and wound-up getting bit only to find that she did go for my mom and held her till her last breath. Then as they hauled her away, I found the scars and realized what happened. Someone spread some rumors and here we are. You want to say anything else?”

He shakes his head, letting out a deep breath.

"Holy shit!" Jared says as soon as your body sways.

Leah, the closest to you, grabs you before you could fall. "We need to take her to a hospital."

"She won't go but maybe the imprint will help?"

"Holy shit!"

"Shut up, Jared," Embry takes initiative and reaches over to punch his pack brother's shoulder. "Shut up man. You're not helping."

The one who can't stop repeating himself rolls his eyes. "You can't tell me I'm the only ones whose mind was blown with everything we just learned."

"You're not but you can shut up."

"Take her to the guest room while I call-"

"No!" Paul stays where he is, debating on leaving now so as not to hurt you anymore than he already has.

The sight of his imprint half dead in Leah's arms and the jokes he made while trying to trip you make him realize he's an even bigger idiot than he thought. "Don't call the leech doctor."

"What are we supposed to do? Let them slowly die when we know there's someone who could have saved them?"

The hot head wants to growl at his alpha but doesn't because he doesn't want to lose it faster than he wants, he's having a hard time trying to calm himself as it is.

"He's here."

Carlisle smiles, "Alice had a vision and sent me over as soon as she could."

"We appreciate it."

"What's going on with our patient?"

Everyone tells them what they know and have seen.

"I see. There is a likely possibility that the venom is working through their system and hasn't quite mixed yet."

"What does that mean? They have to die in order to live?" Paul chimes in.

"It may also have to do with the fact that they haven't shifted as often as you and are not part of a pack. Lone shifters have a hard enough time trying to survive on their own but mixing in the venom, is well-"

"A death sentence just waiting to happen," Sam finishes for him.

The doctor doesn’t want to tell him he's right and knows his silence is enough.

"Is there anything we can do?"

"Continue to make sure they are comfortable and let nature heal them."

"So, your solution is to let them die?!"

"Get him out of here," Sam orders Jared, Embry, Leah, and Quil.

They drag him out so the two can continue their conversation.

-

"I know you just imprinted but you need to calm down, dude," Jared tells him.

Paul continues to shake, unsure of anything he's feeling right now.

On the one hand he has someone to love and protect but on the other hand, he has to try even harder to control himself otherwise he's going to lose it.

He's also upset because he was acting like such a dick to his imprint and even though he never thought he'd find them; he definitely didn't want this to be his first impression. "How am I supposed to calm down when everyone's solution is to let them die?"

With Jared blocking his way in, he can easily get in his face.

"How would you feel if this was happening with Kim, huh? Tell me that."

His friend's face hardens, "don't talk about her."

"Then don't try and talk about mine like you know something."

They stare at each other, their chests heaving with each heavy breath they take.

"Great, now that we've had our macho match, can we go for a run? As much as I want to make it up to them, I don't want to be here any longer when we can't apologize," Embry interrupts.

The two shake their heads and head into the woods so they can phase and be free to run wherever they want.

-

"How can we help them?" Sam asks the doctor.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Sam. This is a little out of my jurisdiction, but I will do all that I can to help anyway, I can."

The alpha nods, "I appreciate it."

"I believe now their transition will be complete within the next few days."

"What brought this on?"

"It was only a matter of time before it hit, and I think the adrenaline and stress of the battle speeded things up." He glances back at the alpha who stares at your body with much concern. "May I ask, how close you are to the lone shifter?"

"Before everything happened, we were close. I always thought of them as my younger sibling but then everything happened, and I stopped talking to them because I was concerned for their safety and didn't want to hurt them."

The doctor can tell by the look on the shifter’s face that he's still disappointed in himself. "You did all you could and allowing my assistance is more than they could ask for."

"How long will it take?"

"My guess is, they'll be ready by tomorrow."

"So soon?"

"Their shifter DNA is altering the venom and their genetics. Now that they're resting, they've been able to heal themselves."

He notices the expression on Sam's face. "Let's give them privacy. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day."

-

Emily and Sam hug one another, unsure of what to think; they never wanted this for you, and they feel terrible because they can't help you.

"The boys should be back soon, yeah?"

He nods. "Hopefully Paul's calmed down."

"I think this is going to be a hard time for him."

"Yeah, I know," the alpha sighs.

The boys and Leah make it back to their home and sit at the table. "What are we going to do?"

"We have to wait."

"Did you two know?" Leah asks.

"They told us what happened, but we didn't know she bit her," Sam tells her. "We knew they were hiding something, but we didn't expect this."

"You should have told us," Paul grumbles while snacking on a muffin.

"You didn't even like them until you imprinted," Jake points out.

"I'm not the one on trial here."

The young wolf scoffs, "you should be."

The hot head stands up, pushing the chair back. "You want to take this outside?"

"Maybe I do."

"Alright, you two, that's enough."

They back down at the voice of the alpha, although it takes Jake a few more seconds before he sits down where he was. "You two need to stop it. We've got enough to deal with right now."

After an hour, most of the pack leaves; some to do their patrol shift, others to spend time with their family.

"Do you want to stay in the room with them?" Emily asks, noticing the longing he directs at the door.

He doesn't want to say it out loud and nods.

"I'll tell Sam when he gets back, you can go in but be careful, okay?"

"Do you think they'll forgive me?"

She nods, remembering her and Sam's minor falling out after his episode. "It'll take time."

He sighs and the door inches open, he hesitates to move.

The sight of you almost lifeless and thinking he hates you, kills him.

Why didn’t anyone tell them they’d get so sappy?

He doesn’t know whether he likes it or not as he takes a seat by the bed. His eyes trail over your face, taking in every inch of you.

If he was the artsy type, he’d definitely paint you. He doesn’t know when he fell asleep but waking up to the sun rising was annoying, just because he was one with nature doesn’t mean he needs it to be his alarm clock.

He rubs his eyes, trying to remember everything that happened last night and glances down at you.

You moved in your sleep, the hand practically reaching for him, warms his heart.

He grabs it, wanting you to be comfortable and not wake up with achy joints.

Your eyes move and he doesn’t realize it. It’s hard to open your eyes but you manage to do it, only to find the hothead holding your hand.

You freeze and his eyes trail up your arm, staring into yours.

“You like me now?” Your voice cracks after not having used it in a while.

He shakes his head and reaches for the glass Emily left, inching closer and closer to your face.

You grab it from him after pushing yourself up, back resting against the headboard. “What happened?”

“You died.”

You blink your eyes rapidly, trying to understand what he just said. “I’m sorry?”

“The venom from the bite was killing you and the fact that you barely shift… didn’t help.”

“So, now I’m both?”

“I think so.”

You set the cup down and push sheets off your heating body.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Leaving,” you grumble.

He pushes himself out of the chair and grabs your wrists, stopping you. “No, you’re not.”

“You don’t own me.”

“The imprint bond says otherwise.”

You snatch your wrists out of his grasp, “no, the bond is basically saying we’re soulmates and you don’t own me.”

You make it out of the door and into the hallway before it clicks. “We’re imprints?!”

“I think they’re awake,” Jared comments and shoves a piece of bacon into his mouth.

Embry smacks the back of his head.

“No, no, no.” You stand before the woman you go to for everything. “Tell me it’s not true.”

The corners of her lips twitch.

You snatch a sausage and munch on it. “This is not right.”

“Thanks, sweetheart. I feel the love.”

You purse your lips and glare at him. “You’re the one that was being a dick yesterday and now because of the bond, you want to be my prince charming.”

“I never said that.”

“You’re acting like it.” You sit on the couch before any of them realize where you are going. Your head plops against the back of the couch. “Why am I so damn emotional?”

A warm hand rests against your knee; you lift your head and find those damn attractive eyes that have always captivated you. “You went through a big change which has altered a part of you.”

“I didn’t want this,” you sniff.

He nods, “I know but w- you’re going to get through it.”

“You weren’t nearly half as nice as this before you shifted.”

“Sweetheart, I was nicer to you than most people.”

“It’s true,” Jared and Quil chime in.

“No one asked you two.”

They stare at you with wide eyes and raised brows as if this had proven their point.

“If you’ll let me, I’ll be there for you.”

You stare at him, gulping at his words. “How do I know you mean that, and you aren’t just saying that, so I don’t eat half the town?”

“We,” he clears his throat. “We came up with an alternative if you wound up being more of a leech- cold one, more of a cold one.”

“Am I going to eat a bunny?”

“Or a squirrel,” Jared jokes, earning no amused faces in return. “You all need a new sense of humor,” he mumbles, crossing his arms.

“How do you feel?” Sam asks.

“Like I’m on an emotional roller coaster.”

“Are you hungry?”

“I’m always hungry for Em’s food.”

Paul guides you to the table so you all can eat.

“Should we call the doc?” Embry wonders out loud.

“Don’t need to,” your imprint grumbles.

You run to the door, opening it. “I smell bunny.”

He chuckles, “it was the only thing we had.”

“Do I have to?”

“It will help with the urges.”

“There’s only one urge I have, and I don’t like it.”

“What?” Seth asks.

“Nobody tell him,” says Quil.

“Come on, don’t be like that.”

“I think it would be wise if you took this. We don’t know the severity of your condition yet.”

“I’m fine. Just trying to wrap my head around the fact that no one hates me.”

“We’re totally sorry, by the way,” Embry adds. “Ow!”

“Not my fault, man,” Jared raises his hands.

The two start to brawl, leaving Sam to try and stop it while Carlisle talks to you and Paul, explaining how you should be careful and thanking you for your assistance.

-

“I know I was a jerk to you but,” he glances over to Emily and Sam. “Would you ever consider accepting my apology and going out with me?”

“Give me a few days to adjust and then if I think I’m well enough, ask me again.”

“Hey, man. It wasn’t a no, alright,” Seth holds his hand up for a high five.

The hothead shoves the kid to the side, following you so he can sit in the open chair to your left.

Emily pours you a drink and sits down so you all can eat.

-

A few days later and you’re feeling better, still adjusting to everyone’s new attitude towards you.

You stick with more human meals than the animal blood the Cullen’s shared with you, not wanting to rely on it.

Things with Paul are still interesting.

He’s slowly worming his way back into your heart. “You want to go on patrol with me?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be with Quil?”

“He wanted to switch.”

You stare at him with a deadpan expression. “Did you threaten him?”

He raises his hands. “I did nothing.”

“Sure, you did,” you chuckle. “Come on,” you call out.

“Where are you going?”

“We have to patrol.”

He stares at your bare back. “This reminds me of when I first took you out.”

“You barely asked me out and then kept me in your backseat after school.”

“I wanted you to stay warm.”

“Oh, is that what they call it?” You ask with mischief in your eyes.

He nods, pulling you back into him by your waist; his chin resting on your shoulder. “I actually kept you there so no one else would see you.”

“Wha-”

“Didn’t want them seeing the hottie in my car and think they could get with you.”

“What a gentleman,” you tell him with a dry tone.

He shrugs, chuckling under his breath, “I try.”

“Are you serious?”

“About what?”

You run behind a tree and shift, waiting for him to catch up; it doesn’t take him long.

“About what?”

“Not wanting anyone to ask me out.”

“Why would I lie about that?”

“To get in my pants?”

“I was already getting with you.”

“I wouldn’t be so cocky. You’re still in the early stages of this relationship.”

“So, we’re in a relationship?”

“I never said that.”

He nudges you with his snout. “You did, don’t deny it.”

“I’m denying nothing. You need your hearing checked.”

“I think I heard you just fine.”

-

You roll your eyes and speed up, racing to meet the others; you meet Leah, Embry, and Jared.

The two former run to you and tackle you, playing around with you while Jared goes for Paul.

All of you run back to Emily’s when Sam calls you all back.

The air flowing through your fur is amazing, not to mention the fact that you’re getting to know your imprint, slowly but surely falling for him. 

[cowboybeepboop]

The only one

“Kili, you can’t tell anyone about this.” “So it’s our dirty little secret then?”

Paring: Kili Durin x afab reader

Genre: romantic smut

Word count: 2.2k

Summary: You’re Bilbo's adopted human daughter and he takes you along on the journey. Kili has his heart set on you and after getting involved in the fight he gets angry with you for putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

Warnings: public sex, arguing, jealous Kili, hickeys, p in v sex, hickeys??? Idk what else I always forget

a/n: I did not proofread and its lowkey a summary of the first movie? This is my first smut regarding anyone in the tolkien universe but I did write some sad fluff at some point lmao. Anyways, please like and send any requests if you want <3 tags go absolutely wild

You’ve been an adopted hobbit for the last 18 years of your life, Bilbo was always comforted in the known so when he brought you along with him and the dwarfs on their journey you were beyond surprised. Your presence was unexpected for everyone, except Gandalf of course, and most of the company was against your involvement. The dwarves saw you as frail and weak, the only one on your side was your dad, but of course he was.

Kili has kept an eye out for you since you joined the company, he makes sure you're safe and also just enjoys looking at you.

__________

When Elrond and his fellow elves come back the dwarves pull you and your father behind them and create a circle around you. You stay behind your Bilbo as the elves talk with Gandalf.

Upon your entrance to their dining room you look around with wonder, you sit down between Kili and your dad. “They're so beautiful,” you whisper to Bilbo, he nods with a gentle but awkward smile. Kili’s ears twitch as he looks around, his eyes narrow on an elf who has his eyes on you, he moves closer to you wrapping his arm around you.

“You think so?” Kili questions, his jaw clenching slightly, “I think us dwarves are better looking, stronger too.” he says pridefully, you chuckle in response.

“Is it a competition now?” you cock your head, “You’re very good looking too, Kili.” he smiles wide.

“Is that so? I am the best looking of all of the company, aside from Thorin of course.” you laugh, putting your hand on his arm.

“A bit full of yourself huh?” he shoves your shoulder gently in response. Kilis arms finds its way around your waist as he continues to glare at the elf who dared to look at you, who did he even think he was.

Gandalf, Bilbo, and Thorin wander off with Lord Elrond, leaving you with the dwarfs. You watch quietly, laughing with them and listening to their conversations before you feel yourself drifting off to sleep. Kili quietly sits next to you letting your head fall to his shoulder he smiles, covering you up with a blanket.

__________

After the company left the palace Thorin led everyone to the Misty Mountains, Kili keeps you in front of him. He insists that it’s better that way so if you fall he can catch you. As the rain picks up your feet slip under you, Kili and Fili grasp your arms quickly, pulling you back onto the ledge.

“Thank you,” you say softly as your eyes look over the ledge. Kili keeps a hold of your arm tightly as you all try to avoid the stone giant's blasts. The ground splits under your feet as the mountain takes shape as a giant, you grab onto the stone behind you before everyone begins to slide forward.

The stone giant slams into the mountain, throwing everyone off of it and onto the ground. Thorin yells for his nephews as the rest of the company runs over, Kili helps you up dusting your clothes off and checking to make sure you weren’t hurt anywhere.

After all the commotion everyone settles into the cave, Bilbo pulls you off to the side and quietly talks to you, he tells you about his plan to leave once everyone is asleep. “Why dad? What's wrong?” you whisper to him.

“Thorin is right, we never should've left home, I’ve put you in danger and I can’t let anything else happen to you.” he sighs as he runs his hand through your hair, “It’s okay, we’ll be fine.” he smiles reassuringly.

You both gather all of your stuff and sneak out, he leads you by the hand. He pulls you behind him as he talks with Bofur, you stay quiet looking around the cave. You didn’t really want to leave the company, I mean they were becoming your friends, you enjoyed the company.

“Y/N?” Kili mumbles as he looks up at you, he yawns. “Where are you going?” You crouch down putting your hand on his shoulder.

“Go back to sleep Kili, you need your rest,” you smile sweetly.

The floor splits and you slip down with everyone, Bilbo gets away but you are guided off with the dwarves. Your eyes fill with terror as you look around, you take a hold of Kilis hand squeezing tight as the goblins push you all around. You cower behind him, holding onto his shirt tightly.

Once you get out the dwarves all argue over where your dad went, your head drops as you think that your dad couldn't possibly have left you all alone. He reappears and you rush over to hug him, his hands drop to your waist as he smiles.

“Y/N!” Kili and Bilbo yell at you as you try to defend the dwarves with your small blade; it goes into the center of the wargs head, and Kili grabs you and pulls you up to the tree with him. His hand wrapping around your waist as he holds you close.

“Don’t move,” Kili’s voice is angry as he demands you to stay put. His hands dig into your slides as you look below your feet. Kili’s hands slip away as they start to throw the pinecones, the tree begins to fall, you grasp onto the trunk as tight as you can. His hands wrap around the tree, his eyes focused on you.

As Thorin and your father begin to fight the orcs, your eyes squeeze shut tightly, you try to focus on anything but the attack of Thorin. Kili pulls you up and onto the ground, insisting you stay put as they go to fight. You look forward, clutching the blade you retrieved from the corpse tight. As all of the commotion ensues you feel yourself being picked up by an eagle.

Once you all are in a safe place you watch as Gandalf helps heal Thorin. You stand next to your dad, holding onto his arm, as Thorin goes in for a hug you let go of him and move back. Your eyes wander to Kili who turns his head in order to avoid eye contact with you.

As the company moves forward you come across an area close to a river, Gandalf suggests that you all take a break and bathe. You and Kili were the last to go, you were paired up at the recommendation of Fili.

Kili guides you to the river, holding his weapon close to his chest, he’s been giving you the silent treatment after you got in between a fight. “You can bathe here, I’ll keep watch.” his voice stern.

“Kili..” your voice trails off as you look at his back, trying to pull his attention to you.

“Y/N, just take your bath. It’s getting dark.” Kili’s tone is extremely cold. You pout your lips as you begin pulling your clothing off slowly, once you finish you slip into the cold water.

“You can turn back now,” you say softly before you dip all the way under the water, holding your breath and squeezing your eyes shut. After a while you break the surface of the water sliding your hands over your face pulling the water back with your hair. Kili had turned around keeping his eyes on everything but you.

“Kili,” you wave him over, “come here, please.” you bite your lip as he gives you a bored expression.

“What is it?” he walks close to the bank of the river, his eyes scanning your face.

“Shouldn’t you join me? You're supposed to bathe as well,” he sighs, turning his back to you again.

“Fine, turn away.” he sets down his sword and strips quickly. You face the other way as he slips into the water with you.

“Kili, what is your problem?” you huff, spinning around with your arms crossed over your breasts.

“What do you mean?” his eyes are half closed as he looks at you with a slightly annoyed expression.

You move closer to him, “I mean, you’re acting so rude for no reason. You won’t look at me, you barely talk to me, you’re being so dumb” you glare at him, “So what is your problem?” he rolls his eyes at you.

“I don’t know maybe the fact that you threw yourself into harm's way? You could’ve gotten yourself killed,” he yells at you while running his hand through his hair.

“Calm down Kili,” you move close to him, putting your hand on his arm. “I didn’t expect you to get all worked up like this, I know I should have been more careful but I just wanted to help.” your eyebrows furrow as you look down.

His warm hands grasp your upper arms “You really worried me Y/N,” he presses his forehead against yours.

“You worried about me?” a sly smile paints itself on your lips, “does that mean you like me Kili?” your voice is soft and teasing. His ears turn a deep shade of crimson as he turns his head up.

“Y/N cut that out,” he puts his hand on the side of your neck, his eyes flick to your lips.

“Cut what out?” you wrap your arms around his neck pulling yourself close to him.

“You know what,” he clenches his jaw, your hands running down his back as you wrap your legs around his hips.

Kili pulls your face to his, hovering his lips over yours “Quit teasing me,” he whispers. Your hand snakes up to the back of his head, cradling it as you push your lips against his. His hands move to your waist, his fingers dig into your soft flesh as he hugs you tighter against him.

“Mahal,” he pulls away, pressing soft kisses down your face and onto your neck. You lean back letting his lips trail over your body, your nails scratch his scalp softly as you arch into him.

“Amrâlimê,” he whispers against your collarbone, “you’re driving me insane,” Kili groans. He grasps your face pulling you in for an intimate kiss, he’s getting more intense with his affections, his hands squeezing your hips roughly.

Your hand trails down his chest tracing every muscle on his stomach, he begins grinding against you while holding your hips against him. Pulling away from the kiss you gasp for air, leaning your head against his shoulder, you wrap your hands in his hair pulling it off to the side. Kissing his neck roughly you begin to leave soft marks on his flesh as he massages your ass.

“Y/N..” he mumbles into your ear, you moan softly as he picks you up, moving into shallow water. “Can we..?” his ears flush as he looks away, “I mean, would you mind?” you chuckle softly.

“Mhm,” you move your hips against his thigh, feeling him twitch underneath you. “But we’ll have to be quick..” you kiss his shoulder as his hands pull your hips up, he lines himself up with your hole, pushing the tip in.

“Let me know if it hurts,” he says gently, his hand finding its way to your neck grabbing ahold of it pulling your head back as you moan softly. He bucks his hips up into you, leaning forward you bury your face into his nape hugging him tight as you moan into his skin.

“My precious girl,” he groans as he slowly begins moving your hips up and down, his fingers digging into your soft skin, leaving red marks. You moan into his ear as you begin riding him, your arms wrap tight around his neck, eyebrows furrowing as you squeeze around his dick.

Kili cradles your head against him, holding you as close as he can, thrusting up into you pushing as deep as he can. Your head falls onto his shoulder, he moves a hand down to your sensitive clit, rubbing circles into it.

“I’m so close,” you moan, Kili nods in response.

“Me too,” he groans, his hands exploring every part of your body as he pulls you into a passionate kiss.

“Hey, Y/N, Kili, hurry it up.” Fili yells to you, causing the both of you to jolt up. Kili pushes himself into you as deep as he can. You bite your lip as you cum around him, your hole pulsing.

Your back arches, silent gasps leaving your open mouth as you ride out your high. Your whole body seems to tense up causing Kili to groan while he cums deep inside you. He pulls you off of him giving you a sweet kiss.

“Now we really need to clean up, and fast.” He says lowly, his hands creep up from behind you gasping your sides as he pulls you into deeper water to rinse off. You sigh contently as he holds your body close to his.

After quickly cleaning yourselves up; you both get out, drying off before putting your clothes back on.

“Kili, you can’t tell anyone about this.” you bite your lip as you turn to him, his eyebrows furrow. “Bilbo might actually get so mad he tries to kill you,” you giggle softly as his face relaxes.

“So it’s our dirty little secret then?” coming close to you he wraps his arms around your neck giving you a deep kiss. “But we will get to tell everyone later, right?” he pulls back, eyes scanning yours.

“Yes, Kili,” you kiss the tip of his nose, hands resting on his shoulders, “but let's wait it out for a bit, okay?” he smiles in response.

[bluginkgo]

Ep 8 Thoughts and Details Part 1

Some thoughts and details I had while watching ep8, and some parallels I found. And yes, I had to split this into 2 parts because Tumblr said "fack you, you can only upload 30 images :P"

Spoilers, duh

Already starting strong, the song that plays through the radio is "Cyn's theme" if you will, that is heard all the way back in ep5 (time stamp about 2:34)

Ep8 showcasing the first teaser image that was released on Liam's channel. Quite bittersweet, in a good way.

Well, uh, Uzi is a true god now XD She's got the AS that was originally in Cyn as well, double powerful and double traumatized/damaged OC!

"A How-to guide of overcoming the existential dread evoked by murdering innocent sentient robots capable of emotion and independent thought. Real life JCJ engineer testimonies. Thought provoking analysis of life and the benefit of being the apex predator. Insanely philosophical advice such as, 'Get over it,' 'Shut up and keep working,' 'Do you want a job or not.'"

Bleh >:P The fact that the AS is still playful is something a bit silly to me, in a funny way. Despite it being the god of the universe- almost- it has a silly side to it.

The amount of times there were cuss words either almost said/implicated made me so happy and burst out laughing one too many times XD

I've seen some people mention how the reunion between Uzi and Nori was unsatisfactory. In my opinion? It was perfect. The awkward feeling of meeting someone you should have known your entire life, all the while trying to the world was perfectly translated here. The silliness that Uzi inherited from Nori shines here. But most of all, N's kindness shines through Uzi. I think if Uzi was still her angsty rebellious teen like she was back at the beginning of the series, she would have not had as nice of a reunion with Nori as she did now.

Omg, you have no idea how happy I was in this scene. The animation, VAs, the DETAIL- ALL OF IT was so amazing! N looks so silly and goober-y <:3 Another thing I took notice later on was the timing. It's not really stated how much time it took for Uzi to go from falling down the AS hole to being punted into space. But assuming about minutes, that implies N facking booked it. The moment he got tossed out of the cathedral with the keys, he absolutely booked it to the ship without evening thinking whether Uzi was alive or not. He needed to see the evidence for himself. He didn't give up on and assume that Uzi was gone.

Recently one of the animators posted the scenes they worked on, giving us a clearer view of expressions. The work done by Xoriak was amazing and really pushed the expressions on these characters to the limit. What used to be Uzi's anger, quickly melts into relief an sadness as she realizes that N didn't give up on her in this scene. While she sacrificed herself, N did not accept her possible death as the only answer. No, he chose to look for her, and he would have done the same with V had the elevator not been blocked off.

This made me happy too. N has grown so much from who he was in the pilot. He used to be the push over that made friends with rocks, that accepted any order from the higher ups and didn't dare question any rebuttals. Now? Now he's confident enough to even voice the fact that he was mad about what Uzi did.

Give me like- giv- give me a second- LKJD;OIADKNVKVNAKDJF;OIWAEJFANVKJASDJFAOIWEFNAKJSDBV For the longest time my hyperfixation has been BONKS. Evident enough with what I've drawn (looks back at the 4-5 bonk drawings I've made). The fact that I got to see them bonk in canon made my sad sorry soul ascend into the upper plane of existence XD Oh and "die man bit-"

I grew up watching Studio Ghibli, so to see this moment- of NUzi falling and holding hands, of course my brain said- YOYOYOYO LOOK LOOK THEY'RE SO CUTE-

The moment of respite, the hug, the tail wrap around and the quick release from Uzi's part after having a heart to heart- it was all so perfectly beautiful ;w; NOT TO MENTION THE MUSIC, as usual AJ DiSpirito absolutely delivered. I REQUIRE THAT MUSIC TO BE PLAYING LOUDLY IN MY EARS 24/7 PLEASE AND THANK YOU AJ.

"I owe you 1 spaceship" -N

Couple things:

It's funny how J just either gave the ship up without a fight, or N was so stupidly fast that J couldn't even do anything about him taking it XD

N is an absolute machine at speed drawing XD

"I'm FINE, and calm, and GO AWAY." J is the embodiment of the entire work force TwT Couldn't help but say "same, honey, same ;w;"

Excuse me while I just- ITS VVVVVVVVV SHE CAME BACK OH MY GOSH- passes out On a more serious note, I've seen plenty of people mention that if V came back, her sacrifice would be for nothing. I don't think so. V came such a long way and grew to be more kind and honest thanks to her interactions with N, Uzi, Lizzy, and even her "death." It shows, because she chose to side with Uzi and N, and they all fought together in an amazing dance.

There were many moments in the episode that were a bit "slower" pace as many have put. That these moments took away from the intensity that was supposed to be in the episode. I don't think so. These moments are needed not just for the comedy part of it, but to give our brains to rest. To take a second, process the fighting we just saw, and be ready for more action. This is often used in Studio Ghibli movies, where after heavy action, it is followed by moments of quiet serenity to give you time to let the events sink in.

This, this right here TwT CRIES. These three have been together, hanging out, figuring out the eldritch mysteries- of course they'd pick up habits from each other. From N becoming more confident with himself and allowing himself to be mad at someone. To Uzi picking up on V's crawling on the ceiling habit. To V picking up Uzi's "bite me."

The amount of hand holding that was in this episode gave me enough serotonin for a life time. And the way that N always ended up wrapping his tail around Uzi, be it a hug or a cool pose. All of my NUzi hyperfixations are becoming canon and making me go FERAL.

Something that is interesting and always comes back to us, is the AS's interest and fixation on N. The way I have always seen it was Cyn was the reason for it. The AS tends to take something from the host and amplify it ten fold. For Uzi's case the perfect example was when she felt anxious or upset. Ep4 and ep7 are great examples of that. For Cyn's case it would seem that she got attached to N after she entered the mansion as a Solver host. The AS probably took that thought and amplified it to unhealthy amounts.

Oh.MY.GOD. THESE GOOBERS SEND HELP THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH HOW CUTE THEY ARE. N first attempts to protect Uzi, and she says "nuh uh" and covers his hand instead. This. This right here. It's far too beautiful TwT

Great frame, but uh, how the fack are we able to see the AS symbol? XD Cause uh like, her face has a split for the nose section still and all of a sudden it just... went away? XD Don't get me wrong, the animation is TOP NOTCH in these last episodes, but silly little moments like this- where it's super tense and scary, but after a rewatch it just seems silly.

When I first saw this I figured "oh shit, it's ep7 all over again, they're gonna be obliterated." The demonic screams I let out were a bit embarrassing to say the least XD

This little shit. She's just playing with them, and she knows it. This entire fight was nothing more than a little game for her. Like a cat playing with a mouse before killing it.

In this scene you can actually hear the first notes of Eternal Dream, but in a super distorted way, much like it sounded in ep6 (timestamp about 15:30)

Alright, Ginkgo what now, why include this blurry frame of nothing? I really admire Cyn's VA. Fitzy has always done an amazing job at making my favorite character- Cyn- the creepy silly goober that she is. So of course I would have watched and unwillingly memorized laugh takes that Fitzy also shared. One of which was here (time stamp of about 0:47. The laughs are similar, and most likely reused from ep7 takes that never made it into ep7 but carried over to ep8. Just a fun little detail I noticed.

OMFG LMAO AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA THE WAY I BAWLED THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT XD

Split second frame but I see it. I SEE IT V. SHE COVERED UP N'S CORE TwT Despite all of the comments she made, despite all of the things she did, she still cared for him. And the entire show, her entire character growth shows that. She didn't run in that moment- she could have much like she did from Cynessa mere seconds ago, but she stayed, and tried to protect N too.

OMG BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA YESSS UZI XD

The entire fighting scene between Uzi, Cynessa and J was so amazing. As usual, AJ DiSpirito did an AMAZING job with the songs, but more so the fact that Uzi is able to hold her own against J and Cynessa, that just amazes me. She has always been strong, but seeing it in battle made me appreciate it all that much more. Another thing about this episode, it seemed like the animators didn't particularly try to hide anything sneaky. All of the glitched sections (ex: Uzi's visor after she at the AS) were code that general population is unable to read/decipher- unless someone with an actual expertise tells me otherwise, I can only assume its code of her CPU functions- once again, remember, I know next to nothing about computers and that language TwT But the moments that were evident were these- they were even changed to BLUE. From the pilot time, everything was sneaky. I mean from the way the Murder Drones logo switched briefly into the AS symbol, to N's waking up having administration "CYN" written on his visor upon reboot. All of that was sneaky details put in for us to hunt down. This time around, it didn't feel much of like a hunt and more like silly easter eggs.

Wanna see the rest of it? Yeah, here's part 2 because Tumblr doesn't like more than 30 images per post TwT

[pinkyjulien]

It's been rotating in my head all morning and since I have to wait a few hours to get my day started, might as well throw my two cents in a proper post

We really should talk about Kerry Eurodyne

Now before you run off, I think it's important to point something out; As a fandom veteran who been here since early 2021, I think others will agree when I say that the discourse surrounding Kerry has always been a hot topic that comes back around every few weeks- but why does it keep coming back?

I'm well placed to know that ignoring a problem and not talking about it publicly doesn't solve anything; everyone is quick to throw assumption and accusations, to make "callout" post, to blow things out of proportions, to take someones's squick as personal attack, and the mob mentality does the rest; everyone follow whoever is going to be the loudest about an ongoing "fandom drama"

This isn't an attempt to show anyone that they're "wrong" or "right"; there is no right or wrong in this recurring discourse. This post is an attempt at opening an healthy and mature conversation! I come in peace gfhgfh

Prefacing this by saying that I'm not a Kerry fan, and I'm not bisexual. So why the hell do I care? Well to be frank, I don't particularly care, I have my own opinions on the character, but I do care (to an extent) about this "community" and I hate seeing what happened to me happen to others, especially new commers who never meant anything wrong. Nobody deserves to be bullied out of a fandom for sharing their opinions on their own blog/space!

Alright this intro was long but let's get on it- buckle up cause this is going to be a looooot of rambling

━

Through the years/months, I've noticed something rather sad; this isn't a debate between bisexual people vs biphobic people, as a lot of people might think and assume; this has always been queer people sharing, sometimes in a really awkward and hurtful way, their interpretation of a character (don't block me yet, please hear me out)

Those who know me knows that I personally care a lot about the canon and writers's visions, so first I want to share some posts about Kerry made by his literal "parents"

Mateusz Tomaszkiewicz, Narrative Designer at CDPR, shared informations on the different romance interest back in December 2020, on the game's release day

When asked about a MLM relationship option, here what he states:

(don't leave just yet)

On a now-deleted comment, RTalsorianGames, original creator of the Cyberpunk tabletop game and by definition original creator of Kerry Eurodyne, stated the following:

Please note that CDPR did in fact consult with Mike himself about Kerry being a MLM exclusive romance!

(Also this isn't a debate about if Kerry cares about V or not, let's not derail this conversation, remember that everyone is allowed to interpret a character and a relationship as they wish)

I wanted to share these tweets to point something really important; there is no "right" or "wrong" label for Kerry, and it all boils down to interpretation < key word

Kerry have multiple states; we HAVE to remember Kerry exist in some kind of cyberpunk multiverse!

We have his 2020 and 2023 self that are confirmed to be bisexual; this is the Kerry Mike and RTalsorian created, the Kerry they have full control and say over; the same young Kerry we see in Johnny's flashback

And then comes his 2077 self, which we see confirmed above as labeled as Homosexual (which again as been approved by Mike himself)

I personally think it's important to start with what his different creators have to say; Kerry is both Mike's and CDPR's character; Kerry is both labeled as being Bisexual and Homosexual

There is a lot of reasons why this change / evolution was made, even tho we all know the main reason; they needed a MLM romance in the game to complete the LI roster. But why take an already established character, a Bi character even, for the Gay romance?

I've seen a lot of people saying that CDPR erased his bisexuality, I understand why it might feel like this, but I don't think it's true or fair! Again, remember that Mike gave his OK for this; he could've at any moment said no, Kerry is HIS baby first and foremost

In game, we learn about Kerry's ex wife and kids; this is something CDPR could've not included at all (and THIS would've been erasing his bisexuality imo) it's not even something that is said out loud, but something to be found by dedicated fans; it's here on purpose, to give depth to the character and to his personal life!

We also see a couple of feminine clothes around his villa; let's not assume anything here, clothes have no genders especially in the 2077 setting, but it can also well point at one-night stand with women and/or multi-gender orgies for example

But, this won't be anything new or controversial, Kerry pushes femV advances in game- this is simply a fact! Like it or not, that's how CDPR's writers, RTAL and Mike decided to evolve Kerry's character for the game; everyone was ok with this

━

Now comes the root of the debate; Is it homophobic to mod Kerry to be romanceable by a femV? and is it biphobic to not be comfortable with this?

No, and no - (don't leave just yet, please read a bit more)

Remember that I'm "just" a gay man, I've had discussion with friends of all gender and orientation about this topic and it's been enlightning to hear the different opinions on the matter!

As previously mentioned, it all boils down to Interpretation.

The discourse recently came back because someone shared their uncomfortableness regarding mods that change Kerry's preferences; in the post tags, OP made sure to say that everyone was free to do anything, to ship anything, and that this was just their opinion; but obviously the fandom didn't read that part and started to throw accusation around, and here we are (I shouldn't have to remind people that we all are free to share whatever on our respective blogs, if it hurts you just block the person, don't jump them)

OP is a Bisexual Man; a lot of other Bisexual Men related to this post and rebloged it, sharing their thoughts in the tags (I also rebloged it, I know it caused a few people to back off and block me as a result, which I respect totally)

Going to pick up my questions back up to hopefully state my opinions and "analyses" of the situation as clear as possible

Is it homophobic to mod Kerry to be romanceable by a femV?

No, it's not

Kerry is bisexual, he was married to a women, and potentially still have sex with women and fem individuals, these infos are all canon in game.

Kerry pushes femV flirts away; but since he experience attraction to women, who is to say that in someone's own canon, their fem OC isn't a V, and doesn't have Johnny involved, changing how Kerry and their OC meet drastically; Kerry could fall in love with her! He could; he's bisexual after all.

Is it biphobic to not be comfortable with this?

No, it's not

Kerry has a clear preference for men; CDPR choose to show this multiple time in the game, during Johnny's flashback we can see him make out with a masc fan, we can see him being vulnerable with Johnny (imo, his lil crush is showing hard)

I personally haven't seen it/heard it in game, but I've been told that after learning about Kerry's ex-wife, Johnny has a vocal, surprised reaction, has if imagining Kerry with a woman is strange to him

However, there is a lot of biphobic things being said in the discourse, and not in the way you might think of

I thankfully never see the full extent of it; I don't see the obviously biphobic takes, stating that Kerry SHOULD NEVER be with a femV, people being nasty and ATTACKING femV/Kerry shippers; this is never ok, these have been blocked for a long time now

But I sadly see the other takes, which always icked me a bit; the takes that say, "you bisexuality isn't worth of respect if it isn't a 50/50 attraction at all time", takes that are sadly biphobic in nature (making it clear that I'm not pointing finger at anyone, nor am I accusing anyone of being biphobic)

This is what it boils down to, I think, this is the root of the problem

As mentioned before, a lot of Bisexual Men expressed their uncomfort when it comes to femV/Kerry mods; it invalidated Kerry's preference. But this isn't about Kerry, he's fictional, he CANT be hurt by anything, by mods or art or whatever; It invalidate Bisexual Men that share the same preference in Men, Bisexual men that related to Kerry for X or Y.

Bisexuality is a spectrum, queer people has been fighting against Bi erasure for years, but also against Bi stereotypes; and I think this is one of them? (Please correct me if I'm wrong)

Bisexuality isn't a strict 50/50 split preference- it can be! But 60/40, 20/80 and even 99/1 attractions are still Bisexual attractions. I've met a lot of queer people who, despite being bisexual by definition, choose not to label as such (prefering to label as straight or gay depending on their preferences) just because of this "bisexual police" imposing a strict 50/50; "How can you be bisexual, you've only dated men/women" etc

This is what is being imposed in the fandom, this is how it might looks like to people; when you attack a Bisexual Man sharing his uncomfort in seeing people not respecting a Bisexual character's preference, you're telling them "Hey, your bisexuality isn't valid if you have a preference". You're telling them "Your bisexuality isn't correct". You're showing them that you "fixed" a "flawed" bisexual character "that got erased as gay for having a preference" by "modding his bisexuality back"

Kerry being written as MLM exclusive in Cyberpunk 2077 isn't bi erasure; he's still Bisexual, he simply has a strong preference for Men. A preference that he always had, but that can also be amplified after his divorce with his ex wife, for multiple reasons; I also don't have to point out how many queer people in real life explored their homosexuality after being in a hetero-marriage for most of their lives! And that's ok, queer love is an ever evolving spectrum, and I think it's awesome we get more fleshed out characters that explore this in depth

I've seen people compare Kerry to Johnny, and I don't think it's fair; for the simple reason that Kerry is a romance option and Johnny is not.

Johnny express a clear preference for women; however he replies to V (and flirt, in some case) the same way regardless of gender! Kerry on the other end, as previously said, pushed femV's advanced away. Something Johnny can't do since he's not a romance option; tho if he was, and if he was pushing mascV advances away, it would be the exact same situation and same problematic!

Another character that is canonly bisexual is Goro; he replies to V's flirt through text messages the exact same way, he doesn't seem to express any preferences (and no, his "obligation in japan" isn't necessarily a wife, this is heteronormative and another problem all together, not the subject here)

People can express being uncomfortable seeing Johnny with a given gender, or Goro with a given gender; but there isn't any """reason""" to it outside of personal preferences

Kerry situation is problematic because it lies in his clearly, canonly stated preference, how people decide to interpret it, and how it can come off to other queer people who might share sexuality and/or preference with the character

━

Everyone is free to ship whoever however they want

But please; remember that everyone is different. People being uncomfortable with a character bisexuality preference being ""fixed"" shouldn't be too surprising; and if it is, please re-read my post/ You have to be ok with this fact, it's OK to make content that might be uncomfortable for others; this is fiction!

There isn't any Right or Wrong way to be bisexual, to be queer Kerry's bisexuality is perfectly fine; unmodded or modded Everyone is Different; Every Queer experiences is different People relate to characters in different way

Nobody is being misoginist; there isn't any double standard at play

Bisexual people sharing their opinions on their own blogs on how a fandom handle a character's bisexuality isn't biphobic, or an attack to anyone who interpret the character differently!

I promise you nobody is attacking anyone, and a lot of things being said accidently comes off as biphobic on both sides of this eternal "debate"

It all comes down to respecting others interpretations, and agreeing to disagree! Tumblr's filtering system work great, you can easily filter and block tags, or even people if needed

I might've said things awkwardly, and for this I apologise; but don't put words I didn't say into my mouth! If you don't agree, that's fine, and you're more than welcome to filter/block me if needed; but please do not paint me as biphobic or misoginist, same goes to everyone who shared their thoughts on the matter, these are serious accusation and can wrongfully hurt a lot of people

Ship and let Ship, take care of yourselves and remember to curate your space 🙏

[about-faces]

I'm still loving Gotham Nocturne and I wish it was getting the love/respect/attention is deserves. I've spoken several people who haven't been reading the current Detective Comics run because they're Batmanned Out (good lord, do I get it) and they see it as just another attempt at some kind of "ultimate Batman story with Batman fighting the ultimate evil," which I strongly disagree with.

THAT SAID... as time has gone on, and the story seems to be reaching its finale, there are a few things that stand out of me as problems with this epic storyline.

1.) It's one of the most egregious examples of "writing for the trade paperback." This simply isn't a story that's meant to be read month-to-month. It's too slow, with too little "happening," at least on the superficial level. Paradoxically, it's NOT a story that should be binged! The best comparison that comes to mind is Better Call Saul, since that's the only other example of serialized media that's meticulously slow-paced yet INCREDIBLY RICH for those willing to engage with it on its level rather than expecting it to be Breaking Bad (or in Nocturne's case, a typical Batman story.) Ram V is capable of writing super-engaging monthly issues, as the fantastic Rare Flavours proves, but that brings us to...

2.) The story is sprawling. Maybe even TOO sprawling. When it comes to people who are sick of Batman, I try to sell them on the fact that this story is about GOTHAM AS A WHOLE, right down to the villains who call it home, and how everyone there is as intrinsically a part of Gotham as Batman is. But ensemble stories like that are tricky, and it makes the focus feel all over the place at times, with alternately too much and too little attention being paid to the main players, Batman included. It's a balance that was handled beautifully with Batman: The Audio Adventures, but it seems a bit more awkward here. Again, it's hard to pull off!

Like, we have characters pop up and then vanishing without explanation. We got Azrael back in the AzBats armor for the first time in decades, like, holy shit! That should be a HUGE development! And then, poof, he vanished! There's simply no time to explore Jean-Paul's character because there's so many other things the narrative needs to explore.

This feels like it would have really benefited from a companion series, something to focus on the characters the way the backup stories have done, but just more so. I think about how Peter Tomasi would write companion books to the main big storylines written by Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, and Scott Snyder, and how he'd focus on character, which always enriched the greater "big important storyline." Which, in turn, also brings me to...

3.) The backup stories have really lost a lot of their punch since they stopped being written by Si Spurrier and were taken over by Dan Watters. Watters is incredibly capable, make no mistake, and his Cheshire/Lian Harper story is one of my favorite parts of this entire saga. But by and large, his tales focus more on the spooky and weird sides of what's happening with Nocturne, whereas Spurrier's stories were more focused on characters navigating the weirdness of the events. As a result, Spurrier gave us what I consider to be some of the very best stories about Jim Gordon, Harvey Dent, and Victor Fries ever written. I really miss those, and how they enriched Ram V's (possibly overly-ambitious) narrative.

Ultimately, Gotham Nocturne feels like the Batman equivalent to an arthouse film, which means it's going to be appreciated by a handful of nerds while leaving most other fans cold, and I can't really blame them. If anything makes me sad about all this, it's how all this incredible character work with Bruce, Harvey, Victor, Talia, and others is going to be ignored. Hell, it already is, given the complete lack of acknowledgement we've seen in other Bat-books for what's going on in Nocturne.

At this point, I just hope it sticks the landing in the finale, because I want to be able to have a complete, satisfying epic to recommend to people who want something a bit richer than the typical "guy in Bat costume punches clown" stories we usually get.

[rotting-ink]

prompt, if you're up to it: you've answered abt how the RO's react when they're jealous of an unknown third party, but what if they get jealous... of eachother? can be the poly pairings before they become poly, at that awkward phase when it's almost a love triangle instead! and ofc L and E

this made me wiggle and kick my feet :> sorry for taking so long, this took AGES for me to write out.

So, as mentioned before, you can select to enter a polycule at any of the times you are prompted, for example. either when first meeting quincy after getitng a relationship with V, or when in a relationship with Quincy and meeting up with V, or having romanced neither and selecting to enter one at the same time. This will also be the same for the love triangles.

V De Winters and Quincy Beaumont:

It's... Not great at all.

In a relationship with V first: Just before Quincy enters the poly group with you two, it's... Not looking good. Hell, you MEET Quincy through V, after a date to the theater. V does give you a heads up that they and Quincy had a fling before they made it huge in Kaer Llundain. But Quincy hadn't been made aware, evidentially, that V was seeing someone new. Quincy, at first, does hang over V, but after extended time with Quincy, they start doing the same to you. They fawn over you like a little pet, happily smothering both of you in attention.

V does get antsy. Very overly focused on you. You can tell that they would want to get back to a warm relationship with Quincy, but they hold you so much more dear that they've instead become cold. They know how good it feels to be the object of their ex lover's adoration and are worried about it. Spends more time with you, shirking duties, and seems in need of confirmation that you wouldn't leave them for Quincy.

Quincy Beaumont, on the other hand, went from having a tinge of jealousy from seeing V with someone new, the one person who had their back and helped pay for their first trip into the Capital. They knew they parted with agreements that they'd now just be friends, but they always held a small candle for V, hoping that they would be able to take them from South Hollow and with them on tour. So seeing you? Jealousy. Spite. But it ebbs away upon spending more time with you. They go from seeing why V had made you into their pet, into actually liking you so much, even if you are cold to them. It becomes quite unbearable, wanting two people so much, but seeing them together without them. They WANT to be cold and spiteful, and they are, when seeing you two together, but individually, is soft and loving.

In a relationship with Quincy first: Now, this is a bit more interesting. Maybe you didn't see much appeal in V first, preferring them as a friend, or maybe not wanting to take the plunge with a married person, even if you do learn about V's history. But Quincy draws your attention, even in their dressing room, still being incredibly warm to V. You notice their attention, their yearning drift away from V, as they learn more about you. Private invites to their flat, their dressing room, maybe even rehearsal. Becomes openly adoring of you, and while they're still very soft with V, it's obvious you have taken their attention wholeheartedly. So much so they don't notice V's jealousy at first.

V, however, does slowly start giving you both the cold shoulder, spending more time at home and not out and about as they used to be. You don't understand why V has started to bail on your hang outs, but then again, Quincy is there to take the thing, even as they're sad that V has reneged on their promise to catch up. V, despite their cool facade, struggles with seeing two people they hold very dear not return the similar feelings and be with each other. This patch would lead more likely to some sort of bad argument or blow up between V and you and Quincy, when the trust comes out.

Same time with V and Quincy: You.. Aren't sure what happened. You had become aware of your feelings for them around the same time, maybe seeing a new side of V with an old lover, or seeing easily what drew them to Quincy to begin with. But it's messy. They themselves are getting reacquainted at the same time that they're dealing with developing feelings for the Witch, and it may be the most awkward stand off within group hangs outs for a hot moment.

Starling Knight and Z Chambers:

It's mostly sad.

In a relationship with Starling first: Z doesn't want to be having these feelings about their friends. They hate that instead of being happy for two of their favourite people, they're feeling left out. Left out. They're dead. There's nothing for them to miss out on, their life has ended, why are they thinking this. Lots of sad quiet moments for themselves, soft sad down turned eyes looking at you two, and maybe some time apart from you and Starling.

In a relationship with Z first: Starling feels odd about it. They could just be secretly enjoying time with their friends, hiding that enjoyment behind a frown, but then would feel a pang in their stomach whenever Z took time to sneak you a kiss. But, they're mature. They can bear it. It does become awkward because Z is very aware of feelings and can be downright scary about picking up on the feelings of other's. Z is constantly worried about the fact you've decided to be in a relationship with a reaper and when they realize that Starling has feelings for you, their judgment clouds their happiness again. However, they do not understand that Starling is also into them, so it ends up very emotionally messy and sad. Until a sit down is had and Z realises they have two hands and you have two hands and Starling has two hands.

Same time as Starling and Z: It's actually quite heart warming at first. You and your two other friends, loving each other's company, and growing closer in your odd hours, whenever you three are free at the same time. Yes, there is worries on both sides, Z in their undead state and Starling, feeling too old for both of you and the Witch always being in trouble anyway.

A Lancaster and D Woolf:

Ah, nothing like a Witch Killer falling for a Witch and an accomplice of theirs.

A and D maintain a more friend based relationship through their route, but...

In a relationship with A first: D, at first, is overwhelmingly happy that their friend has found love, with someone that they do genuinely like so much. They're ecstatic! It's just.. Now most of your time is spent with A, at least what you can get away with when A is apart of the hunters. They're just... Lonely. They're used to it, or at least they should be, after all these years. But now they're pining for more time with the two of you. Hates feeling like a third wheel. Becomes isolated and more obsessive with their work. A would notice quite early on

In a relationship with D first: A doesn't really think much of it at first? Just a bit surprised D actually got someone for themselves. May still be wary of you, depends on your relationship. Might try to warn D from you but after a while starts to enjoy your company. To an alarming extent. Feels angry mostly. D has finally found someone for themselves, and he wants to ruin it? Feels worse if he feels more tender towards D.

Same time as A and D: They're friends, they talk to each other. D would be more likely to share their new feelings and A would be taken aback. Would later tell D that they share those feelings. Hey, communication. They'd try not to be awkward with each other, but when you're around, then they're both awkward and might snip at each other.

That took ages so quickly, Love Triangles:

E and L Rawlins' relationship slowly deteriorates over all of the books, so entering the love triangle has them downright at each other's throats, with E as the aggressor and L being defensive and cold.

Saleos and Seir can just about stand each other, being two demons wanting to be near the same human, so when it gets romantic, they become so much worse. Saleos shows off how much you allow them near you while Seir wants to repeatedly claim ownership over you.

[spicywhenspeaking]

Lost & Found : Noah x Reader OneShot

you're surprising your husband Noah while he's on tour! It's literally just porn 😀 because I wanted to practice writing so MINORS DNI

warnings: unprotected sex (p in v), oral (f/m receiving), throat fucking 🙈, umm creampie? How much are supposed to put in here, whiny Noah, men begging, two hot people in love.

this is a work of fiction!!!!

I also used promt 76&97 from here! And if you like it feel free to request more! 🫶🏻

•・◦●○◎◉◎○●◦・•

Trying to keep this a surprise has been virtually impossible, keeping Noah in the dark for weeks about my plan to come and surprise him while Bad Omens was touring in Europe took every trick in the book.

“Oh I have no idea why my location isn't working right now babe, you know I'm so technology-challenged.” I lie. “I’m so lost with this stuff when you're gone, I'll try to fix it soon” I reassure him as I'm racing around our house packing my bag because my flight leaves in 3 hours and of course, I'm running late. “I’m lost without you too baby, I miss you so much, when are you coming out to join us?” He asks and I can hear the sadness in his voice. “Soon my love, I promise” We say our goodbyes and I pack the last of my stuff racing out the door to catch my Uber to the airport.

I’ve been coordinating with the Nicks and Jolly while planning so they have a spare key waiting for me at the hotel they're staying at so I can sneak into Noah’s room before they get back from their show.

For some reason I’m nervous, I have no idea why. Why am I nervous to surprise my husband on tour? It’s like that gitty first-date nervousness. I’m just so excited to see him again, smell him, feel his arms around me and I really, really, really miss having sex. I had to stay back for the first 4 weeks of their European tour because my sister needed help with her kids and I needed to be there for her. Now that she’s doing better I can go join him and I’m so excited. He thinks I’m staying back for an extra two weeks to help my sister but that was another lie. The flight goes by faster than I expected and soon I’m in another Uber heading to the hotel.

I approached the front desk and tell them I was picking up a key that should have been left for Mrs.Davis.

“Ah, yes, Mrs. Davis right here” The receptionist hands me the key card and directs me to the elevator.

“Thank you!” I say, waving and turning towards the elevators.

I get to the room and head inside, Noah is relatively clean so there’s just an opened suitcase on the desk, but the room was cleaned earlier so the bed is made.

I set my suitcase down and take out the things I need to shower. I want to scrub the scent of travel off of me before Noah gets me back. If my timing is right I should have another hour or so before they get back. I jump into the shower and wash off with the body wash I know Noah likes, jasmine and white tea, fresh and sweet. Finishing up I wrap myself in a towel and dry off my hair. I slather on some lotion and slide into my red lace lingerie set that drives him crazy. The garters hug my thighs deliciously, the color popping against my alabaster skin that's slowly becoming covered in more tattoos.

Now I’m just playing the waiting game, I get a text from Folio that they were twenty minutes away from the hotel. My heart is beating so fast, I am so excited to see Noah, I'm laying on the couch waiting, starting to feel a little awkward when I hear the door ping from the key card swiping to unlock. I sit up and move to spread myself across the bed, my head resting in one hand with the other propped on my hip. The door opens and closes and I hear him whistle to himself as he walks down the short hallway towards the bed. He comes into view, eyes almost bulging out of his head when he sees me, and then he tosses his stuff on the ground and throws himself on the bed wrapping his arms tightly around me. “Oh my god, you're here” he mumbles into my hair “You're here, you're real and you're here” he pulls back to hold my head in between his hands. He leans down, and kisses me, moving his lips hungrily against mine seeking entrance into my mouth quickly moving from a gentle kiss hello to a passionate tangle of tongues. “I can't believe you're here” he pants in between kisses “I missed you so much” his hands are moving all over my body “God, you're so soft” he pulls away and looks down to admire my lace-clad body “fuck, you're killing me here” he whispers in a hoarse voice as his hips press into my side and I feel the hard outline of his cock. I reach my hand down to press against his solid erection and feel the wet spot growing on the outside of his thin sweatpants.

“Do I really turn you on that much?” I ask him seductively. “You don’t even fucking know” he responds and dives towards my chest, nipping and sucking at my skin, a moan escapes my mouth when his hand kneads my breast and tweaks my hardening nipple “Ah, Noah, I missed you too” I gasp out. “Mmm, yes, say my name again,” he pants, “please Baby, I need to hear your voice” his voice comes out in a whine. “Mmmm, Noah, Noah, Noah, I missed you so much, my Noah” I graze my hands across his cheek and stare into his beautiful brown eyes, and brush my lips against his. “I missed you so much,” I say to him warmly “I need you so badly” I take his hand and place it against my warming core. “Please Noah, I need you to touch me.”

His hand cups my sex and a wicked smile spreads across his face, wiggling his fingers her purrs “Wow baby, crotchless panties, you really missed me.” His index finger slides in between my folds and he groans “You're so fucking wet” he puts his finger in his mouth and sucks the evidence of my arousal off of his fingers. He sighs “Fuuuck, I missed the way you taste, I can’t believe I survived these last weeks without you.” Noah kisses me again, leaving a trail of wet kisses down my body, stopping to lick and bite down on my peaked nipples. I’m moaning softly as he continues down towards the apex of my thighs, grasping my thighs and pulling them apart until he’s face to face with my aching pussy. “Oh I missed this,” he says and then licks a line straight up the center and circles his tongue around my clit.

“Oh, fuck” I moan out loud as he sucks and tongues at my pulsing core, my hand reaches down to tangle in his hair keeping him in place while I grind against his talented mouth shamelessly. He takes two fingers and pushes them into me as he continues sucking relentlessly at my clit, my orgasm is close, I feel it burning in my belly and when he looks up at me through his long lashes and says “Please baby, I need to hear you cum” he says and I throw my head back and cry out in ecstasy. He withdraws his fingers and crawls back up to kiss me sharing the taste of my climax. I use the kiss as a distraction and flip us over so my legs are resting on either side of his hips and I can grind my bare pussy against his still-clothed cock. “Fuck baby, you're so beautiful like this” he reaches up to cup my breasts and plays with my nipples, pinching and leaning up to suck them again. I reach down to grab the hem of his shirt and help to remove it “You're wearing too many clothes” I tell him. “I want to feel you against me.”

Moving down his body I take the waistline on his pants and pull them down to his mid-thigh, exposing the hard outline and wet spot growing on his tight black boxer briefs. I bend down to lick at the head of his cloth-covered dick and he bucks his hips at the feeling “Ah, fuck baby, mmmm yes, can I have your mouth? Please?” he begs. I nod my head and grasp his briefs and pull them down to his sweatpants seeing his large erection springs free and pearls of precum leak down the tip. I quickly lick it up and start gently sucking at the head. Noah is whining and holding my hair back so he can get a full view of my ministrations. I start to take more of him into my mouth, relaxing my throat to make room for his full length and his hips thrust forward slightly and my eyes widen as I try not to gag. I tap his hip with my hand and nod, letting him know it's okay, he starts up again slowly fucking into my mouth and moaning “Oh, fuck yeah baby, missed you so much. Missing your hot mouth, and your tight pussy, mmmm can't wait to fuck you” he’s moving faster hips pumping back and forth as his cock hits the back of my throat and my eyes fill with tears threatening to spill and my pussy throbs with need. He pulls my mouth off of him with a gasp “Ah, too much. Want to cum inside you” he says out of breath. “Get up on the bed” he commands and I scramble to get up to lay my head back on the pillow while he stands up to take his pants off fully and then adjusts to settle between my legs. He grabs my thighs and pulls me so my pussy is resting against him, I feel his cock against me and begin to grind down on it looking for any type of friction. “I’ve got you baby” he takes himself in his hand and rubs the tip against my cunt, spreading my wetness around and coating his cock with it before slowly placing the tip against my entrance and moving in. While he's pushing to be fully seated inside our eyes are locked together and we're both moaning at the feeling of finally being back together. “Fuck Noah, I missed you so much”

“I missed you more,” he says, emphasizing each word with a shallow thrust.

Noah and I like to fuck in all types of ways, but after so long apart all I want is to be held in his arms a fucked tenderly. I know there will be plenty more chances tonight for rougher sex. But, for now, he holds me close and fucks into me at a slow tempo, each thrust pushing me closer to my second orgasm of the night, he reaches down and moves his fingers in slow circles around my swollen clit. “I want to feel you cum on my cock baby and then I'm going to fucking fill you up” his thrusts speed up slightly and my climax is reaching its peak, one last thrust, hitting just the right spot, and I'm calling out his name and milking his release. He finishes with a whimpering moan and collapses against me, kissing any skin he sees and softly saying “I love you so much baby, such a good girl for me.” I run a soothing hand down his back and tell him that I love him too and that I’m so happy that I’m back in his arms.

“I missed you so much baby, this is the best surprise ever.” We cuddle in each other's arms for a while longer and then I feel him stirring again when he looks up and gives me a devilish smile. “Round 2?”

———————————

Thank you for reading!!!

[softpine]

I'm still thinking about your characters and what their valentines day would look like currently where your story is so can I ask what everyone would be doing? I imagine Austin bringing flowers to Elaine and she loses it. Would Matt text Stevie? Mickaela and Dan pegging. Casper and Coco 👀????? Alisa messing with Jada. Stevie maybes annoying KD asking her what she's doing for v-day

omg i'm sorry my answer is so late 😭 if this were just a normal valentine's day and nothing life-threatening was happening to anyone, then what you said is exactly how everyone would be spending it ;-;

stevie annoying KD on valentine's day is sooooo true oh my god i can only imagine how insufferable she would be. she would bake a bunch of cookies and bring them into work like "here's a cookie for you! and here's a cookie for your...... partner? 🤨 and here's a cookie for your..... child? 👀 and here's a cookie for your..... other child? 🤔 just tell me when to stop. here's a cookie for your... dog? 🧐 here's a cookie for...."

coco is BOOKED for valentine's day. sorry to anyone who wishes they could make plans with her, she goes all out for this!! not even for monetary gain (it's actually a pretty slow day for sw), it's just always been her favorite holiday and she loves the decorations & outfits. although this would be the first time she's been 100% single since she was a teenager, so that would be tough, but that's all the more reason to throw herself into her work. casper is not part of this equation, he's going on a failed tinder date and making his mom sad because she was sure this would be the one sjkfjsd

definitely agree about austin buying elaine flowers, but really all elaine wants is a heartfelt card attached to them 🥺 she also organizes galentine's day (asa counts as an honorary gal) every year 💖

matt would fumble his way into some awkward misunderstanding with stevie, probably involving another goddamn stuffed animal fjskjfsd

jada would literally call off work on valentine's day. she is NOT emotionally prepared for whatever hell alisa would bestow upon her 😭 and since her dad is dating again she'd probably be alone but that's perfectly fine with her. a moment of peace is better than a valentine

finn would do something so sappy for valentine's day if here were here ughhhhh :( he'd have to step it up since he's already given asa flowers a few times and of course the unbeatable gift that was the antlers... the greatest gift asa could give to finn would be to chill the fuck out and not break the universe for one singular day lol

caroline starts getting cynical about love around valentine's day because so many people come into her shop asking for their bf/gfs name tattooed and she has to turn them away because she's not going to be complicit in bad decisions (DON'T ask her what tattoo she had covered up on her back 👿) but then she comes home and beth cooks dinner for her and lights one of their good candles and she believes in love again 😌

and we must not forget mikaela/danny pegging, as if they ever need a reason lmao. they're doing some convoluted roleplay that only they understand, making good use of their repertoire of spirit halloween costumes

[mrs-monaghan]

i know you aren’t a hater and you’ll probably not post it but I wish you will so I can feel seen because I am bursting with so many emotions and no one in my real life would get it. if it’s true that tae is dating that girl, i’mma let hate paralyse my mind. I swear there’s no coming back from this. I mean y’all telling me jimin being hated, slut shamed, defamed, threatened and sabotaged was all for nothing. I’m trying hard to ignore both jk and tae in this mess but y’all are telling they sat there and let your so called friend be dragged for years. There’s no way bighit don’t know about this.

This isn’t even about jikook because deep down I know it’s jimin over anyone else. I will cry for real so I’m hoping it’s not true. After all the mess jimin has gone through, the least taekook should have done is to at least kiss so as to justify all these hate. I know this is a jikook blog but I follow you because I’m curious about him and I am ready to support him in anything. But truly I am sad. I always thought if any of vminkook announce their relationship I will be relieved because jm will be free but today I realize that it’s the opposite. I am angry, I am sad and I feel so hurt on behalf of jimin. All those dc inside, YouTube hate video, death threats, report for jm. I’m going to sort out my feelings for taekook because deep down I don’t hate them… never😭😭

Anon. It's hard to be a PJM in 2023 so I understand. Trust me, I get it. I love this man an unhealthy amount. I see why you're getting affected by the Jimin hate. But here is the thing that I need u to think about before you take the anti route.

Here are the most recent Vmin hugs we have.

This was not part of the choreo

I mean look at Jimin's face

And the very most recent ot7 content. Again look at this hug. Look at V's face.

What I'm I saying? I think these motherfuckers love each other. That's what I think. I think V loves Jimin and Jimin loves V. Do I think they are as close as they used to be? No. But do they still love eo? Absolutely.

3 things 1) An anon made a point that I've been thinking about. The Tannies probably don't see what happens on I-twitter. They probably have their twitter curated and only shows what Karmy are saying. And Karmy are not the ones hating on Jimin. So for all we know V might be missing all this fuckery. I really don't see him seeing the pigmin and bangmin stuff and him being okay with that.

2) Jimin is no push over. Never has been. If V was being a dick to him or if Jimin had issues with V, he would have cut him out of his life. I honestly believe that.

3) Jeon Jungkook would never in a million years hurt Jimin on purpose or let someone else hurt Jimin. Ever. Like that's a thing that will never fucking happen. It doesn't matter who it is. This man defends Jimin even when his man doesn't need defending. Jimin can handle himself but when JK sees some fuckery going on he steps up. So aint no way he would be hanging out with V if the dude was being malicious.

I let u guys vent here and I hear and understand where you're coming from but my stand has always remained the same. As long as Jimin and Jungkook continue to love V, so will I. Clearly there is alot we don't know.

From the outside looking in, it looks bad but I really do think they're fine. If Jimin had an issue with what V was doing, not only would he shut it down, but so would JK.

I'll give you an example. JK came live and V told him to go to insta. A very awkward live happened but that's neither here nor there. What also happened was that live made noise even in the Karmy side. So this is what happened.

Tkk live ---- Jimin comes live for the shortest live he had ever done at that time. And he was busy. But for some reason he still stopped by. It seemed like it could have waited till he finished work---- V shares a Jikook photo for Jhope's birthday.

I think these 3 things are related. I think someone wasn't happy about the tkk live and that was V making it up to him.

I, think if Jimin has an issue he lets it known and handles it.

Jimin is not weak, anon. Jimin is quite strong. Stronger than people give him credit for. I guarantee if V was an issue he would have handled him by now. For all we know the dumpling incident got physical and u know Jimin won that fight.

So, its important to pause. Breathe. Its okay. Everything is okay. I'm about to say something extremely blunt now. Anon, it helps no one when u get affected mentally by Jimin hate. He doesn't know u and he will never hear about it if something happens to you. He and his millions will be perfectly fine. You gotta look after yourself first. Alright?

Love Shazy,

[mikey180]

Hai I see that you open request

So, because I really miss Tower of god

I want to request family head fem reader x bam and maybe his friend too

Platonic and fluff (wait, can platonic became fluff?because I didn't understand what fluff meant) it can be head canon and one-shot maybe both

reader is a friend of arlene and v and the other family head, she think of arlene as her younger sister. When the family head attack arlene and v, FEM reader didn't agree with this, and planning to help arlene and v . After v died, fem reader help arlene to escape. Fem reader feel anger and sad, that her friend, she made in her journey to the top of the tower became like this ( ☹️ poor fem reader, she need someone's shoulder to cry on) she is immortal like the other family head, she have many kids but not all of them from her blood, she adopted them, she just have 2 kid, its a twin boy and girl. When bam and his team want to fight family heads, they need our help. One of his friend(fem reader's kid) tell bam,that maybe we can help him, so they go to fem reader's castle and meet us, when fem reader meet bam and the his team. Our focus is just on bam, when bam instroduce himself as v and arlene's kid, fem reader start to cry (because, finally! Fem reader can meet arlene's kid its been thousand years we haven't meet her and her kid maybe? ) fem reader start to hug him and say that she miss him and his parent (the rest is up to you) I want to know his team's reaction too hehehehehe.

This is so Long 😅, I get this idea from family head reader ( and then I start to think about it and want to request it, fem reader really misses the time, when she and her friends could gather together and chat calmly without any hostility, she hopes that those days can come back again)

Maybe I will request again if I want too

Fem reader x bam and team, platonic

Type- one shot

Flavor- fluff

The knock rings out through my palace as i resign inside, my curiosity turned from my book to the door as I use my Shinsu to open it. My children immediately run in to hug me, something I've missed dearly, eyes tearing up slightly as I find they're safe in their journey through the tower so far, my worries laid to a temporary rest.

They introduce me to their friends, but a certain brunette with amber eyes stands out, eyes that I'd recognize anywhere, but I keep yourself from saying anything as you listen to their story, careful to not make assumptions that could lead to being awkward. "...and so...we'd appreciate it if you could help us in any way you can." The brunette finishes explaining. I give a nod and explain to them what to do and how I could help, but at the end I suggest they rest for the night, having more than enough space to house them.

After Khun convinces rak to calm down from trying to go through with the plan right off the bat, I introduce myself and look at fire eyed boy, motioning to him. "And you are?

"the twenty fifth baam, ma'am."

I freeze for a moment, looking at him with a bit of shock. I swallow and glance away but before I can even try to hold the tears back, they fall and a quiet sob escapes my lips, sending shock to their faces. Without a word, I walk forward and wrap baam in a hug. "You're Arlene's boy...you're her's" I quietly cry as I hold him. I feel him hug me back after a second and look up to me with surprise. "You know her? My mother? What about her?" His surprise changes to intrigue and a bit of excitement at the idea I know of his family.

I sit him down to talk, answering all the questions he has as he nods at each answer, his teams reactions varying from confusion to irritation at the time I take with him and the answers I give. A soft smile graces my features as the time of the afternoon slowly passes, feeling at peace for the first time in years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am sorry this is so short and may be a bit different from my normal writing style, but I'm just now getting back into writing. Thank you for requesting.

[dany36]

ok, after spending like, my entire week of vacations playing dragon's dogma 2 (56 hours thus far and still plenty more to go--wanna explore the whole map before heading to the final boss!), as a new fan i gotta say i fucking love it.

the initial reviews and receptions were wildly exaggerated, at least in my opinion. i've never even seen the microtransactions nor have i seen the need to do them. yes it’s shitty that these even exist in the first place and yes capcom should be criticized for apparently making them mandatory but…idk the way people were talking about it made it seem like you’d be forced to use them because getting those items would be harder to get in-game. also i'm playing the ps5 version so i never saw any performance issues. my only gripe is that the fast travel kind of sucks in this game, i've been careful with my ferrystones and i just finally got my fourth portcrystal lol so traveling to the volcanic island or whatever should be much easier now that i can place another portcrystal there. but yeah i do wish there was a way to instantly transport back to a town and not have to like, constantly run back and forth between places. but whatever, it hasn't been THAT big of a deal except in like just a handful of quests. but yeah, if people stopped playing it or didn't pick it up just because of the microtransactions, then that's really a shame because they're missing out on an awesome game.

i had spent like 90% of my playthrough playing as a fighter because i'm not much of a mage/sorcerer person, and i tried the mystic spear but i couldn't get the hang of it so i just switched back lol. i then tried the archer one but immediately ran into a drake before i actually got the hang of fighting with the bow and got my ass promptly handed to me, so i got intimidated and switched back to warrior again :'v and i'm kind of sad i did because i recently switched once again to archer and man, i've been having a lot of fun! taking down large monsters has been way easier/faster while i let my thief and warrior go at it up close, i was even handling a drake much better before it ran away (it went into vernworth so fighting there was kind of awkward)... but yeah, been enjoying the archer class a lot more now, so idk maybe once i master it i'll try the magick archer one too :)

anyway!! i'm sure i'll have more thoughts once i'm done with the game, but i never expected to absolutely love this game and have it absorb my free time so much. i never played eldin ring because it sort of intimidated me and i thought this game would too, but man i'm so glad i picked it up and chose to spend most of my vacation playing it. exploring every inch of the map has been such a blast and i'm going to be sad once i finally do beat the final boss, ALTHOUGH i've heard that there's like, postgame quests??? so those should be fun! and honestly i won't be opposed to doing a new game+ run lol if the ending doesn't suck then dare i say that this game will sneak into being on the list of my favorite games ever. what a fantastic game, i didn't think i was going to enjoy yet another open world game, but here we are.

[chaoticgouda]

34. What is your partner’s voice like?

39. Do you have cute pet names for each other?

93. What are some major differences between you both?

99. If you were both in a dating sim, what character tropes would each of you be?

127. How does your partner treat you special compared to everyone else in their life?

Ahem here you go, definitely just a stranger

Ooooh an anonymous person in my inbox? How intriguing....

34) This might be my bias talking but it's... Just so incredibly soothing. Warm, soft, gentle. Sometimes it's adorably hesitant and shy, other times it's playful and teasing, other times it's more to-the-point and serious. I also adore their accent and some of their turns of phrase, like "y'all" and "what all". It's ridiculously endearing to me <3

39) Hehehe we have a few yeah!

For them: Sunflower, Star, Simp, Special lil guy, more general ones like darling, my love etc etc

For me: Chairlie, Chi/Sleepchi, [Lucky] Charm, also my love, darling etc etc

93) Hmm I guess the way we tend to approach some displays of affection and our communication styles in general? I'm v much gushy and kind of theatrical/dramatic in my shows of affection, writing rambles about things I like about them, stuff I'm excited to do, silly things like that lol -

Whereas they're more considerate and thoughtful with their praise and affection, giving it out a little more sparingly but having it be all the more meaningful for that?

There's a few other differences but that's the first one that comes to mind :>

99) Ooh this is a good one!!

Them: The cool, talented and attractive creative type who seems a little aloof and reserved at first but is secretly a dork with a huuuge heart once you put in the time to get to know them. One of the first CGs with them is definitely one where they kiss your hand.

Me: Uhh probably the supportive and silly character who is a bit of a sad clown about it, wants to encourage and help the main character while ignoring their own needs. Breaks the 4th wall for the bit.

127) Sooo this little tidbit of info always makes me smile whenever I think about it - They've confessed to me before that they feel a little awkward when I'm hanging out with them and their friends because they have to suppress the urge to be as affectionate as they normally are, and that their friends would be surprised if they saw that side of them. They're really sweet and sentimental and honestly kind of a big romantic when we're together, and I think that tenderness and affection steeps through into a lot of our interactions, spoken and unspoken. I feel loved and appreciated, whether or not they say it with words <3

[stylesloveclub]

I have an few idea for tarry, I can see the first time she kisses him to be a mistake, like she goes to his office hours to get a grade or something and she does rlly well and kisses him and is like ‘sorry I shouldn’t of done that’ and just runs off. And harry goes to find her but she just like disappears…. And the at the next class she’s just so embarrassed she doesn’t even show up or she just hides at the back and then he tries to speak to her but another student goes to the front to talk to him. And then the next time they see each other is like at a coffee shop , or a bar (I’m a Brit ) so maybe a pub. V angsty sorry 😣 😣😣

this is kind exactly what i imagine ;( just lots of tensionfor a long time ... and she's nervous and shy and awkward and gosh idk if i should MAKE THEM KISS like during their office hours but i think definitely there would be a Moment where they're both like leaning in and its so intense and stuff but maybe someone else comes in and interrupts them???? and harry's clearning his throat and trying to act normal and she's just so embarrassed and flustered she'd probably leave without saying anything and she'd refuse to meet his eye in lecture the next day and wouldn't be participating and she wouldn't come to his office hours even tho she comes to ALL of his office hours :( and she'd be sad and he'd be sad but then they'd see each other at like the bar on campus and... i think that's when the tension breaks and they FINALLY kiss . like out of school off campus no essays involved they just ... finally give in :)

[firstdivisiongirl]

hii!

i was thinking of asking for a matchup and didin't decided to do it until i saw your post bout them closing!1!1! so i was wondering if i could get a perfect matchup with a male tr character pls (๑´ ˘ ` ๑) ♡

soo i'm an entp scorpio, and i tried taking the enneagram test (didn't really understood nothing but it was fun) and i'd say i relate more to 5&9?

personality-wise, i tend to be really hard to approach. i don't really know how to act when people come up to me and may end up being percieved as weird and unwelcoming. i am mostly shy and awkward, but i try to be more positive with my friends. for the people i am with, i am innovative with the things i say, since i am more or less a foreigner and our cultures are very different. lowk selfish and avoiding but i am good at heart i promise😓 when i am v comforatble with som1, i am more relaxed and spontanous. i often hop in the first bus i see with my bsf to see where it takes us and end up lost in the city to discover the things around.

i like fashion, reading&learning (esp sociology and politics hrglg it's so interesting) latin spanish music and the beach!1!1 please drag me out of the city and put me in a tropical beach, i was not made for the urban lifestyle my hobbies are (punctually) baking, cooking and i take pictures of flowers i find pretty w my new camera. i like big plants--esp flowers like hibiscus nd orchids. i actively dislike mean, judgmental and people who are rude for the sake of it.

as in appeareance, i am a 1.70, tan and rather skinny girl with dark brown eyes. my hair is very black, wavy and it ends in the middle/upper part of my back.

that's pretty much everything i can think of saying about me(x_x) idk if it's enough. i tried comparing it to previous matchups to see what i should say, soo yeah! that's it. thanks in advance for the req if you do it& keep up with your series! i really like your emma x draken ones, they're so cute and fun to readദ്ദി ˉ͈꒳ˉ͈ )✧

Hello there. Thank you for tall the nice words. I have to say, the Emma x Draken story and series is my favorite thing I have ever write. I am most proud of it and it is honest something I read whenever I am sad or just want to smile. They are my favorite anime couple. But let's get on with the matchup! I hope you like it!

You Got...

Kokonoi Hajime!!!!

Yes, he can be mean, but it's only because of what he's been through and how he coupes with the pain. He is also really only rude to people who are against him and his cause. He is actually a nice person if you think about it! He's super loyal (with how he stays with Inui and helps him with his dreams) and he was willing to give himself up just so others were safe.

He would love the spontaneity of your personality, he loves crazy and will do anything in the moment.

Would buy you so many pretty clothes.

The conversations between you two would be riveting and intellectual. I think the man would love a good political conversation!

He would take the lead when people approach you. He knows it's hard for you and would want you to be at ease.

He'd get you the best camera money can buy. And he would take you all over the world just so you can get some amazing images of not only plants but the whole world.

Would eat your cooking and give some to coalleges. He would beat them up if they were mean