#seir the familiar

[rotting-ink]

Who's the biggest tease?

how would they handle the witch deliberately teasing/flirting with them, trying to rile them up?

L Rawlins- I feel like L is a very accidental tease. Doesn't even realise what they do to you at all. Either Luther's general ruggedness, rolling his sleeves up to show off muscular, scarred forearms, Loralei with her uncaring that she's wearing breeches and an open shirt, the way her eyes lazily scrutinize people before her. The way L dresses, showing more of their chest than they should. They don't realise it does things to you at all.

While, for themselves, they can take a lot of teasing but god, it builds up. Then they have to put you in your place, growling softly at you to stop being such a brat or they'll have to show you what happens to people who push them this far.

S Della Rovere- They're the master of teasing. Lives for it. Loves lingering touches as well as inappropriate ones. Doesn't do a long tease, they're happy to immediately put a hand on your thigh and slide it down to start exploring. They know how good they look and they really don't care about propriety

Teasing them? They're nearly impervious. They can take SO much teasing. But they might start whining if you carry on. You think you have the upper hand and then they pin you, whispering that they won't let you sleep at all.

Z Chambers- Legitimately doesn't think they can even tease a little bit. They're head to toe dressed in funeral attire, they're not showing a lot of skin at all! Very unaware of themselves, from their soft eyes, to their dexterous fingers. So, no, is unaware of why you're staring.

As for being teased, they would need a moment to realise that's what you're doing before becoming heated and must look away. Will go invisible but will start making sure you regret teasing them, as their ghostly touches drag along your sides.

V De Winters- They're fully aware that they're attractive but all their teasing seems to be done subconsciously. They just seem to adore touching you and then they have to sneak touches? In public? No wonder you're riled up. When aware, they love teasing so lovingly. Just fleeting touches, some quick kisses, but all things that would rile you up over time.

Oh, they can take being teased. In fact, they smile when they notice you teasing them. Going to take it in, watching with intrigued eyes as you tease them. Very good at keeping their calm, only to return all the energy back in private.

Seir- Average for both. Likes to tease you when you're busy, they're like a cat that wants attention and will drag their hands over you, mouthing at the back of your neck. That and they can take all teasing in stride.

Saleos- Their teasing is basically getting to show off their body to you, already knowing they're deeply, horrifically attractive. Low, purring words, whispering words, asking why dont you come over and play?

And they SEEM to take teasing well. They dont. They keep their composure and then they will ruin you in the grass on the way to a bed.

Starling Knight- Sorry but ehhhh. Neither. They dont tease on purpose, if you find them doing mundane things hot, honestly good on you. That and they're very firm for those subs out there.

And they won't realise ur teasing... So you have to crawl into their lap and whine for attention, that will do it.

A Lancaster- Doesn't tease a lot at all, just in general keep their hands to themself and then when you're alone, they LOVE touching you. And hey, if it turns sexual, that's on you, they're just admiring you. But they also know how hot they are. Likes to work out in front of you so you know exactly how good they look.

They get a look in their eye when you start teasing. Firmly grips your wrist and leans in to whisper if you're sure about starting this? Then going to have fun just watching you try and rile them up.

E Rawlins- They don't tease. They legitimately say whatever comes to mind, do whatever comes to mind and thats on you if you get horny from it, they're just doing whatever their horny brain says.

They CANNOT take any teasing. The moment you give them a look, or a smile, or a flash of skin, they're all over you. Their self restraint is below 0.

Quincy Beaumont- VERY good at teasing. From the dirty things they whisper, all veiled so politely, their outfits, easy to show off skin, their lingering touches, their eyes on you, everything. They live to tease.

They find any teasing quite amusing, as they are IMPOSSIBLE to break. Just finds it cute when you try.

D Woolf- BIG NO ON EVERYTHING. They cannot tease, they think they aren't able to tease or drum up any sexual feelings. They're just existing.

And they cannot take teasing either. While collapse in a heap and put their face in your stomach and whine. Please. Mercy.

[inkyquince]

My god I'm still stunned so many of y'all like Seir. They're one of the most popular little bitches of the book 1 romance. Good god.

[elordilover]

Hii! Could you write a walker scobell x actress reader fic where she's new to acting and her first acting role is in the pjo show? Thank you!!

i love this!! thanks so much for the request! 💐

more than best friends

pairing: walker scobell x fem!reader

summary: you are casted as annabeth for the pjo series and become best friends with your co-star, walker.

warnings: nothing really! not proof read, reader plays annabeth in the seires, half social media

————————————————————————

yourusername- i am so honored to finally tell you that am part of this project! this cast has become family. i’m so excited for everyone to watch it, meet you at camp half-blood: december 20th 🌩️⚡️🌊

walkerscobell- so honored to be able to work with you, and call you my best friend 💐♥️

percyjacksonseries- ⚡️⚡️⚡️

view more comments……..

—————

everyone on the cast just announced their spots in the series, it was your first time doing this so you were a bit nervous. you watched your phone as all the positive comments started to roll in.

you heard the door to your trailer open and saw a familiar face, walker. you would never admit this to anyone, but you did sort of have a crush on him. but you had to put the admiration to the side now that he was your co-star.

“Y/N, do you want to go grab food since we’re done shooting for the day?”, he asked you.

“sure! where are we going?”, you replied as you got up and started exiting your trailer.

“i don’t know, in-n-out?”

“yeah, sure”, you said as you walked to the car.

the whole car ride was filled with scream-singing to one direction songs, it was amazing. the light that shined through his hair made you admire him even more. how the sunshine made his eyes sparkle. the way his smile grew when you were both singing along to the music that shaped both of your childhoods. you had always dreamed of nights like this, now they became your reality. your only wish was that he would see you as more than a friend.

—————

the next day you arrived to set early and we r straight to the hair and makeup trailer, which was were walker was also. you couldn’t wait to see him.

“hey Y/N, how are you?” walker asked as you walked through the door.

“i’m good, a little tired tho, how about you?” you replied.

“i’m good!”, he said.

you two fell into easy conversation while getting makeup done, or getting your hair fixed. it was always easy with him, you always felt safe and at home while you were with walker. it was just something about him.

—————

“action!”, you heard and immediately started to act out your scene with walker. it was going to be in the finale episode, where you place your necklace around his neck. it was supposed to be a little romantic, but it shouldn’t have affected you this much.

walker’s deep blue eyes stared you down, your cheeks immediately turned a deep shade of red. it was embarrassing, everyone on set would notice your admiration toward walker.

walker started laughing, most likely from your eye contact. almost every scene you guys shot together ended up like this, you and walker would burst out laughing. almost every scene had to be reshot many many times.

you shot the scene again and again until it was perfect. your cheeks still burning many minutes after.

—————

after many long hours of shooting, walker entered into your trailer to hang out with you. it had become a nightly ritual for you guys. you would lay on your couch and scroll on tiktok, showing each other the funniest ones.

after minutes of scrolling walker tilted his phone toward you. you noticed the tiktok featured you and walker. it was an edit shipping you two. it used clips from different moments from the press tour, and red carpet events.

“i mean… it’s a good edit”, you said nervously. you secretly loved seeing tiktok’s like these.

“yeah i agree, it’s one of the better ones i’ve seen. we look pretty good together, we make a great team”, walker replied not knowing how that last sentence would effect you.

“we sure do”, you agreed as both you and walker’s cheeks turned red.

—————

the other members of the cast had noticed how close you and walker had gotten, when you weren’t together, you guys were texting, and if you weren’t texting, you were probably asleep. aryan had brought it up to you last week, he said how everyone saw how you guys looked at each other, and how you were both always blushing when you had scenes together. you didn’t believe him though.

—————

filming had come to an end and you were definitely going to miss your new best friends, especially walker. you two had agreed to call and text as much as you could till you could be back together for the press tour.

—————

yourusername- filming this show was the best experience of my life, thank you to everyone who was involved in creating this amazing series. love you all ♥️

the first two episodes are out now! 🌩️⚡️🌊

walkerscobell- SO EXCITED‼️‼️‼️

percyjacksonseries- oh my god

walkerfan- Y/N’s feeding us with this bts content

Y/Nfan- it’s sooooooo good

walkerscobell- first two episodes. out now. 🌩️🌊

i love everyone on this cast so much, they have become my family, so so so thankful for everyone who got me here

yourusername- GO BEST FRIEND ‼️‼️‼️

percyjacksonseries- watching rn.

walkerfan13- PERCYBETH 😭😭😭

Y/Nfan- Y/N X WALKER CONTENT 🎉

—————

after the cast party, you decided to go over to walker’s place before your parents came and got you.

“hey Y/N, i kind of wanted to tell you something”, walker said nervously, “ever since i first met you you’ve inspired me so much and i just wanted to say that i really like you, in more than a friend way”, he rambled out.

you thought you were dreaming, no way he just said that. you stared at him for a second before kissing him, it was just a simple peck but you hope it got your point across.

“wait, you like me too?”

“of course, of course i do” you replied, noticing how red walker’s cheeks were.

he leaned in and gave you another kiss, you couldn’t believe this was real life.

—————

after a couple of months, many interviews, many nights on facetime, many ship edits being sent to each other, many days of secretly dating. you both decided to make your relationship public.

yourusername- my mom approves

comments on this post have been limited…..

walkerscobell- percybeth irl

comments on this post have been limited……

————————————————————————

thanks for reading, please send feedback and more requests!

🎀🧡🐞🫀⭐️🥥🫶🏻🐝🪻🪩🌎🪷🥿🫧🫐🧿🪞

[bronz3y]

she looks so pretty (chapter one) - Alessia Russo x reader

warnings: just two awkward girlies hehe, suggestive? kinda?, if you squint lol

hiya guys!, im back (kinda??) im gonna try post more frequently, but no promises lmao

anyways hope you enjoy this first part to a lil seires im gonna be working on, enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Come on girls!”

You hear the crowd erupt as you took the first steps at the emirates, as much as many times as you'd step out onto the incredible stadium you'd always get goosebumps at the sound of the thousands of fans cheering you on.You look around taking it all in as you stand in line with the rest of your team, you watch kim little and mary Earps shake hands and follow the line of your teammates to shake hands with the familiar manchester united players.

you watch the heads in the line pass you when you see the spiky ponytail, you look up and meet the eyes of Alessia Russo, piercing blue eyes meeting with yours for a second, you grab each other's hand and just like that, she's gone.

You'd never properly spoken to Alessia, but the 2 times you’d played against man united this season you felt her eyes on you during the game, and when you'd catch her, she would immediately look away and as soon as the whistle blew, you would try avoiding her and go straight for the changing rooms, scared that if you did end up talking to her, you'd say something stupid to embarrass yourself, so avoiding her was the next option.

You jogged over to the team circle, wrapping your arms around Beth and Kaite, Kim gave her speech and you all put your hands in the middle of the circle and lifted your arms up.

“Arsenal!”

Arsenal end up beating united  2-1, you and viv both scoring absolute worldies, you'd all gone around taking pictures and signing shirts when you feel a tap on your shoulder, you turn around and once again meet light blue eyes, you hear your heart in your ears as you snap out of it once you hear her relaxing voice.

“Nice goal before, was an amazing chip” Alessia praised you while wearing one of her pretty toothy smiles.

“Oh thank you, it was nothing really, Leah's assist set me up” you laughed rubbing your neck to hide the slight redness rising from your nervousness.

“Hmm true but that finish took skill, you cut through all our defenders” Alessia giggled playing with the hem of her shirt.

You both stayed talking a while longer when you heard Katies voice calling your name.

“y/n!, come on you slowpoke hurry yer ass over before i make ya” katie says looking between the two of you.

“Sorry, gotta get to the shower, i'd rather not get her to drag me over” you laugh.

“No worries, I'll see you at Lottes party this weekend?” Alessia asked, sounding hopeful.

“Yeah, for sure,i'll be there” you replied 

“Ah nice, see you there then” Alessia smiled and waved starting to walk away

“Y-yeah, you too!” you said while she walked back to hear teammates. You turned around and slapped your forehead.

“Realy y/n?, ‘you too’?, for fucks sake” you shook your head at yourself as you walked into the changing rooms.

---------------------------

an hour later your walking with leah to the car park, since youd signed with arsenal a few months ago youd moved in with leah until you could find a place of your own, but it was nice having her around, you werent a fan of being on your own a lot, so having her to talk to is something your grateful for.

you both got in the car, leah driving and you in shotgun, as she pulled out of the parking she began talking.

"saw you and lessi talking earlier" leah said smirking

"oh shush it was nothing, just some friendly chat thats all" you rolled your eyes at her.

"mhm, for now" she said laughing.

"your so annoying did you know that?" you said jokingly

"its my hobby to pester you" she shrugged smiling, you roled your eyes and laughed with her.

"if you keep rolling your eyes they are gonna end up at the back of your head"

"Leah!"

------------------------------------

Later that day you are cooking dinner at your shared apartment with leah, some spaghetti, nice and plain for leah and you add some spices to your own since your not as picky as her, you set the two plates at the dinner table when you hear your phone ping on the kitchen counter, you walk up to it and tap on the screen, your eyes widen and your heart starts racing.

‘Alessiarusso99 started following you’

You start jumping up and down in the kitchen giggling when Leah walks in on you.

“What's gotten you so happy?” she asks, smiling with one eyebrow raised.

“Oh it's nothing’ u say pushing your phone away.

“Let me see” she reaches over your shoulder and grabs your phone and taps the screen, she looks down at it and then smirks up at you.

“B’out time one of you guys made the first move foken’ ell” she says laughing

“Oh shush we hadn't spoken until today, and plus she doesn't see me like that” you say snatching your phone off her and rolling your eyes.

“Mhm, whatever you say y/n/n” she teases, walking out of the kitchen.

—----------------------------------

Saturday comes around and you're getting ready for the party, straightening your hair in your vanity, you'd never taken so long to choose an outfit, usually you're very quick when it comes to it, but tonight you found yourself struggling to find something you liked, or more so, something she would like. Once your done you grab your phone and spray on your expensive ‘going out’ perfume and head to the front door.

“God you look like your about to throw up” leah laughed at you

“Lee, stop it, im stressin’ man” you whined as leah shook her head.

“Come on romeo let's get in the car”

Once you get to the place Lotte rented out you hear the music blasting even from outside. you feel your chest tighten and your hands get sweaty, leah then puts her hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, relax, breathe” you nod at her words and start breathing slowly.

“You're gonna be fine, just be yourself okay?” she smiles at you, you return the gesture and begin walking inside.

You and Leah make your way through the crowd and the mist, disco lights flashing in your eyes and sweaty bodies bumping into you, you then see Katie,Caitlin,Beth and Viv by the bar and walk up to them.

“Leah,y/n, you're finally here, god what took you so long” beth said slurring over her words you laughed at her and gave her a hug.

“Lessi asked about you before, she was wondering where you were” Beth giggled, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Did she?” you said, your heartbeat once again starting to increase, beth nodded at your words. You then decided you needed some alcohol in your body so you'd gain the confidence to actually talk to her.

“Leah, you want a couple shots?”

—--------------------------------------------------------

After around 20 minutes of dancing  you started to feel lighter, not drunk since you wanted to remember everything tonight.

You then scanned the crowd, looking for a specific blonde through the hundreds of heads.

“Look who's finally here” you turn around at the familiar voice and smile.

“Hey, i was just looking for you actually” you said matter of factly as she smiles at you

“I've been wanting to dance with you” she said looking up and down at you

“Is that so?” you say smirking at her, liking how confident she's acting. She smiles at you and grabs your hand, pulling you into the crowd of sweaty bodies.

Alessia starts screaming as ‘mr saxobeat’ starts playing,you laugh and start dancing with her, you watch how she dances, she looks good, really good, the way the simple black dress hugs her curves is driving you crazy, the disco lights shine on her skin, making her glow, you look at her in awe.

You then step closer to her, she smiles at you and grabs your wrists, placing your hands on her waist, you pull your bodies together, moving to the beat of the music, her arms go on your shoulders, your eyes not leaving each other, she lifts her drink in the air as you both sing along to the words of ‘she knows’, your fingers start tracing shapes on her waist and you feel her slightly shiver at your touch, you smirk at her and lean into her ear.

“You like that?” you whisper

“Shut up” she giggles, you then dig your fingers deeper into her waist, her laughing stopping as she lets out a shaky breath.

“Fuck” she curses softly, you laugh through your nose and relax your fingers, rubbing your hands up and down her waist trying to calm her down.

“Don't wanna move too fast now hm?” you whisper looking into her hooded eyes.

“Hmm yeah, let's take it slow” she smirks,her eyes locked on yours as she slots her leg between both of yours, putting slight pressure on your core, you let out a low groan.

“Oh fuck you” you laugh as she removes her leg. She giggles and creates some space between both of you.

“Let's go find lotte” Alessia suggests, you nod agreeing and let her hold your wrist, pulling you through the crowd.

It's gonna be a long night.

-------------------------------------

a/n:

soso sorry for the lack of fics, ive been quite busy and tbh ive had 0 motivation, please feel free to drop some requests ( i rly need some lol) or just any random questions :)

part 2 coming soon! xx

[kitchenisking]

Seires Fic Rec Part 13

Eighth Night of Chunnuka

Hot Nerd Alert by alisvolatpropiis - (Hot Nerd Alert) - (Rating: Not Rated, Words: 4,537, sterek)

Derek can't believe he's actually doing this: taking a selfie snap of the guy he’s been crushing on for weeks to prove to Danny that one, yes, he really does exist, and two, he really is that hot and thus he is totally justified in being too scared to make a move.

Or you know, even talk to the guy outside of the class they share.

In his defense, this isn’t just any guy. This THE guy. Hot Nerd. The utterly adorable but still somehow insanely sexy freshman in his twentieth century American Lit class who he’s been lusting over since the first day of the semester. If there were ever a time for him to be that person who tries to be subtle while taking snaps of other people, this is it. 

Inspired by this super cute fanart by prettiestalpha.

This is Home by JoMouse - (This is Home) - (Rating: T, Words: 3,451, sterek)

Derek gets a letter carrying a familiar scent from an unknown person. He drops everything and returns to Beacon Hills for the first time in fifteen years.

Written for A Very Sterek Summer. Day 5, Theme: Reunion.

If the ley lines you should follow by forestofbabel - ( Ley Lines ) - (Rating: T, Words: 52,111, sterek)

And Derek just stood there, staring at Stiles like he was a ghost.

“Dude, I know it’s been a while but you don’t have to look at me like you’re that surprised I’m hung over in the woods. It’s practically a tradition at this point.”

“Stiles?” Derek whispered, the name falling from his lips like a punch to the gut. Stiles watched, confused, as Derek took a deep breath in and took a shaky step forward then back again. “You’re not- you can’t be. Who are you?”

All I Ever Wanted by gabby227 - (Presidential Stiles and First Husband Derek) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 24,297, sterek)

Based on a request on tumblr: 

In the midst of all of the Election 2016 craziness, I have discovered that I need President & First Husband Sterek. Either could have either position, but I’m really desperate for the ‘First Husband’ to be more interested in continuing their current career than getting involved in anything political. They show up for the really important stuff, but they don’t put much stock in the whole the ‘President’s spouse must do a political song and dance for the masses’. 

Or, rather, the first of several stories surrounding presidential!Stiles and first husband!Derek.

Reunion by Rising_Phoenix - (The New Hale Pack) - (Rating: G, Words: 5,221, sterek)

Stiles is in Beacon Hills, just in time for his ten-year high school reunion. Having been convinced to show up there, he meets the last person he wants to me, one Scott McCall, the werewolf who once had been his best friend, his brother, before he had told him that humans can not be part of a pack and abandoned him after graduation. But it's Scott who will be surprised by not only Stiles being there, but also by the backup that has decided to show up supporting him...

Pretty Little Wolf by ItsMe_Basil  - ( Pretty Little Wolf) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 82,164, sterek)

Derek has heard stories about the Spark -the kind of stories that would have his younger self cowering under the blankets. The kind of stories that had Derek stick close to the pack. But when Derek is in trouble, and the pack isnt around, Derek finds himself in the care of said Spark, and he finds out fairly quickly that he's not all he seems to be. Stiles, he finds out, isn't a villain at all. Derek's only heard one side of the story for four years, and now it's time for him to hear the other side from his mate. *-* "Pretty little wolf," he hummed, stepping closer and kneeling beside Derek. Even in his death fogged brain, he recognized the words spoken. The words that were tattooed along his hip bone. The man reached a hand out, long bony fingers brushing against Derek's jaw. That's when recognition dawned on him. He knew this boy -not personally, but he'd seen pictures. This was the Spark. The one Scott had warned him about since Derek had returned to Beacon Hills four years ago. His mate. "Fuck me," Derek gasped out, dropping his head on the step. "Let's get you better, first, shall we, Puppy?" The Spark hummed.

Not Quite According to Plan by Phlinting - (A Spark of Hope and the Butterfly Effect ) - (Rating: Mature, Words: 23,261, sterek)

It's been eleven years since Scott was bitten by a feral werewolf and, despite his pack's many victories along the way, Gerard Argent's influence lives on. As the knowledge of the supernatural spread to the general population so did the hatred and fear of the unknown. The McCall pack has been picked off one by one and Stiles, Sheriff Stilinski, and Peter Hale are the only three left, on the run and barely surviving.

But Stiles has found a spell. He has the magic, the spark, and his belief. He has his dad and Peter to help power it and he has the will and desperation to succeed.

He's going back to the Hale fire and this time he's going to stop it ALL before it starts.

It's the perfect solution. Too bad things never go quite according to plan...

Another Alpha by ThePornFairy - (Wash your hands) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 1,147, sterek)

When Stiles comes home with news, things don't exactly go as planned.

or

Wash your hands as thoroughly as Derek scrubs another alpha's scent off of Stiles skin

Blue Light (i'm waiting for it, that) by zanni_1 (zanni_scaramouche) - (In Your Eyes (the light, the heat) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 19,743, sterek)

Derek pays him to dance, Stiles enjoys the sex on the side, and that’s all that ties them together. Whatever else the enigmatic man does is none of Stiles’ fucking business.

Stiles works at a club owned by infamous Derek Hale, leader of the largest criminal organization this side of the country. As they twirl closer together police and rival gangs start to gain the upper hand, forcing everyone's loyalty to be questioned.

Body On My by nymphe - (Losin’ All My Innocence) - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 2,333, sterek)

“I’m serious, Derek. Like really sensitive,” Stiles says, a little muffled by where he’s shoving his face into Derek’s shirt.

Stiles’ neck is sensitive. Derek takes advantage of it.

[nicosraf]

Hi! First of all - I adooore ABM! I instantly bought the revised version after reading the previous one (I liked it even more for all the little extra scenes, my heart bursted reading the Michael x Lucifer kissing scenes). Also, I really need to know what happens to Rosier and Asmodeus after the fall ahhh. Your writing is magnificent, I really look forward to part 2. But anyway! To my question - where did you collect all the background information on the demons? To be frank, I'm so interested in them, but there's tons of (false) information out there and I thought maybe dear Rizzfael could recommend a reliable source for curious cats?

Aghhh thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed!! The Michael x Lucifer kiss bits were fun to add — they're also so embarrassing. They're both so embarrassing to me.

So — I got my information on demons mostly from the canon Bible. Baal is in the Bible, so is Beelzbub, who he is usually conflated with; Beelzebub is often translated as "Lord of the Flies", hence I decided Baal was the angel of flight.

Asmodeus is from the Book of Tobit, which I'm very familiar with given my very Catholic upbringing. He is associated with lust, given what occurs in his story.

Mammon and Moloch I got from Paradise Lost, but theyre in the Bible as well. They're in the Bible, though they're not "really" demons and seem to be representations of money and a Canaanite god who liked child sacrifice. I made them the angels of gold and gift-giving, naturally.

Ishtar is not mentioned by name, but there are allusions to him/her as a goddess in Jeremiah 7:18. With Ishtar, I was just looking for another instance of a foreign god treated as a demon in the Bible.

Gemory and Seir are non-biblical. As much as I'm a stickler for sticking to the Bible, I did want to make a reference, even if small, to demonology. Gemory and Seir are from The Lesser Key of Solomon, which is probably the most famous demonology text or, well, its one of the Big ones.

(I actually used to confuse The Lesser Key of Solomon and The Testament of Solomon, both foundational demonology texts. Asmodeus being good at construction is taken from The Testament of Solomon. On that note, The Key of Solomon is also a pretty foundational text — demonologists love Solomon!)

And Rosier was taken from a random book I found in the medieval studies section at my library. He's not biblical, he's barely even in demonology.

I may be the wrong person to ask given I'm not super into demonology itself, but reading the Solomon texts is a good place to begin if you're looking for footing!

[ljoshalston]

Through

Sesuatu spesial bagimu seorang, atau mungkin bagi sebagian orang yang lain. Playlist yang tak pernah berhenti kau putar, lagu sama yang tak terusik dari pikiranmu. Hanya hal itu yang menjadi musik latar untuk skenario di dalam kepalamu. Terkadang terasa begitu familiar dan 'relate' dengan kehidupan yang kau jalani.

Saat dewasa kau mudah untuk membayangkan dan menerjemahkan semua lirik-liriknya, kemudian bertambah seiring warna mood-mu hari itu. Tidak semua lirik sedih akan melankolis, dan tidak semua nada yang ceria berakhir bahagia. Begitu juga arti senyuman yang menghiasi wajahmu setiap harinya.

Hari demi hari hanya berharap semua akan berbeda pada esok hari. Hidup terasa membencimu, tak kau hiraukan dan pasang earbudsmu kemudian berangkat menghadap keseharian. Menghiraukan suara parau sesaknya kesibukanmu, setidaknya telingamu hanya mendengar yang mau kau dengan kan?.

Mengharapkan ada sesuatu yang berbeda, setidaknya sekali dalam beberapa hari. Tanpa disadari dirimu sendiri sudah mulai berbeda dari mulanya. Tidak lagi peduli tentang pendapat orang dan mulai berdamai dengan semua kekurangan. Karena berpikir ada orang lain yang mungkin tidak seberuntung dirimu.

Tanpa melihat sekeliling, berjalan diam dengan semua bebannya. Terpaku pada garis yang sudah menghubungkan realitas pada mimpinya di tiap malam. Terkadang tidak mendengar apapun lebih baik daripada mendengar apa pikiran orang lain. Terus melangkah melewati hiruk pikuk pendapat orang lain.

[nuritawa]

Akhir-akhir ini aku menyelesaikan bacaan dari buku terbaru Mba Urfa Qurrota Ainy, perihal menghadapi duka ditinggal kepergian orang tua. Awalnya aku seperti merasa punya trust issue soal kematian, perasaan tidak ingin membuka memori lama karena aku berpikir sudah saatnya berjalan lebih jauh.

Aku merasa sudah sembuh.

Tapi yang terjadi setelah melewati lembar demi lembar malah membawa ku pada cerita masa lalu yang masih hangat dalam ingatan. Hampir dua tahun ibu berpulang tapi kejadian itu terlihat begitu jelas dalam benak kepala ku.

Bukan salah dari buku ini, tetapi seperti inilah perasaan berduka yang kupahami. Kejadian itu tidak akan pernah lupa sampai kapan pun, akan menjadi pengalaman duka yang kadang sulit aku pahami, apakah aku benar-benar selesai dengan perasaan ini, atau tidak?

Yang jelas luka itu memudar seiring berjalannya waktu. Membawa pandangan ku terhadap kematian berubah, dan tentu saja rasa dukanya berubah rasa tak sesakit sejak awal kepergian beliau.

Hari ini adalah tahun ke tiga ramadhan tanpa ibu. Ada perasaan kosong, hilang, sepi, sunyi bahkan perasaan berjarak yang begitu jauh dengan pertemuan. Anehnya meski digempur dengan perasaan yang cukup familiar dari tahun sebelumnya, aku belum menangis sama sekali. Tidak ada reaksi yang menandakan aku sedih menghadapi kenyataan ini. Padahal postingan soal sepinya ramadhan tanpa ibu berseliweran disemua beranda akun sosmed ku.

Bahkan anehnya saat ziarah kubur, aku hanya memandang gundukan tanah itu tanpa ada perasaan mendayu-dayu cemas, ketakutan, atau perasaan khawatir yang sempat ku rasakan dulu. Dan sampai pada malam ke dua ramadhan ini, belum ada satu tetes air mata ku yang jatuh untuk menggambarkan sepinya ramadahan ini tanpa beliau. Kadang aku berpikir, apakah aku sudah sepenuhnya sembuh dari luka berduka? atau apa mungkin sebenarnya aku sudah mati rasa? meninggalkan cerita dimasa lalu karena terbiasa tanpa adanya beliau?

Mungkin aku sudah cukup selesai pada semua emosi berduka. Aku melihat bahwa perjalanan ini sudah saatnya dimulai dengan melihat banyak hikmah dari segala kehidupan yang ibu berikan padaku.

Karena entah kenapa, aku seolah melihat ibu dijalan-jalan kampung, disudut rumahku, di dapur sederhana kami, di berbagai surau dekat rumah, dari berbagai alat masak atau alat makan, sederhananya rasa masakan, bahkan dari sisa alat sholat beliau yang tetap ku pertahankan sampai saat ini. Aku melihat beliau dalam bentuk pengajaran, ilmu, dan kasih sayang.

Mumpung Tuhan masih memberi ku ingatan pada setiap perjalanan bersama Ibu, selama ramadhan ini aku ingin mengabadikannya dalam tulisan. Kadangkala, pikiran ku tidak muat untuk memikirkan betapa luar biasa pengajaran beliau dalam merawatku selama ini.

semoga cerita sederhana ini bisa menjadi tabungan memori, sekaligus perjalanan healing terapi menerima perjalanan duka. Dan semoga, jika ada kebaikan didalamnya bisa menjadi amal jariyah yang panjang untuk beliau.

ps. ya, sebenarnya aku tidak bisa berjanji akan selalu tepat menulis cerita-cerita ini, tapi aku akan usahakan sebaik mungkin. Ohya, ternyata aku menangis juga ketika menulis ini. memang benar, aku perlu mengenal diriku lebih dalam lagi.

Banyuwangi, 12 Maret 2024 | nuritawa

[rotting-ink]

How are the ROs on somnophilia? MC wants a bunch of stuff done to them while sleeping, and to let RO blow off steam even while they're tired. Would RO mind receiving it?

L Rawlins- Not sure about it at all. Doesn't do it, but tentatively allows you to do it but only one night where they've given you the go ahead. Goes to sleep, wakes up feeling so good and gently alters brain chemistry. Doesn't really want to do it to you, worried about second guessing, so you can play with them all you want!

S Della Rovere- Man, when they're asleep, THEY'RE ASLEEP. You could make them cum in their sleep and they WONT realise it until they wake up and even then it takes them a hot moment. They CANNOT get up in the middle of the night, once they're down, they're down till sunset. They would love to, but oh my god, they caNT. Just hope your schedules overlap so when you sleep they can nestle between your thighs. For comfort, but also for oral time.

Z Chambers- Yeah sure. Would have to be explained to why you like somno, but would do it, just to make you happy. Also, they have the opposite problem to S. They're UP. All the time. They cannot sleep. They could pretend, just for you?

V De Winters- Please don't do it to them. They'll do it for you! They'd love to, especially if its a major kink for you, but please. They just like cuddling when asleep, anything else and they'll wake up bad and disorientated and will not be able function that day. Upset and wants to go back to bed. Alone this time.

Seir- Oh man, they already know, THEY'RE BETWEEN THOSE THIGHS, SUCKING AWAY, LICKING, FINGERING, having the time of tHEIR life going ham. Also, will let you do the same, actually really likes it. Confirms that they're your favourite <3

Saleos- Oh, this is happening. Dont touch them, they touch you. Only allows you to touch them if they're asleep and you're kissing their body, their thighs, but dont you think you're allowed to pleasure them, not while they can't have their eyes on you.

Starling Knight- Happy to do it for you, especially since they know it relaxes you and wake up happy. Not for them though. Not into it.

A Lancaster- Yeah sure, both ways are good. They WANT you to wake up during it, want you to cum so hard youre WRENCHED from sleep. Also does like somno, likes to wake up quietly as you're touching them and then pins you down for a proper fuck.

E Rawlins- PLEASE. PLEASE. wILL wake up just to lick and suck and mouth at you and you WILL be overstimulated. Doesnt even do it on purpose. Also, do it for them and they wake up in three seconds and immediately has to start with their breeding positions.

Quincy Beaumont- Yeah sure. They only do it when bored and up at night, and does it from time to time, usually tying you down as you sleep frst, but its not big on their kink list.

D Woolf- Touch them for a few minutes and they cum easily. Wakes up with a whine and a confused look around. Also would be worried about doing it for you, but do it with some encouragement.

[karoiseka]

11) Surrogate

((catchup number two for the night! ^_^ Pre-Cal Seir an Feo!))

“I just don't know,” Seirlait leaned his head back along the wide bench back of the chocobo carriage as he gently guided the birds down the familiar path. The summer was waning, and they still hadn't found hide or hair of any mysterious miqo’te that had lost a small child in the woods. Notices had been posted in all the small hamlets, and they had even ventured into the city of Gridania to ask around and post some flyers.  Well, Seir did as Feo watched the wagon outside the gates; he still didn't like the wood wailer’s eyes on him as he went about his business. 

The small child had already swapped foster homes twice, surrogate parents or grandparents not able or willing to put up with such a wild child, more prone to climbing a tree than learning the family trade.  It was nothing against the good people, but the girl was different, and needed more than the families could give her. 

“She seems to settle with us around more than others,” Feo had interestingly been leaning towards the idea the past few weeks.  The fact was true though.  All the families had agreed that little Karo calmed in their presence, listening carefully to what they said, and according to the other adults, would follow their instructions to her to the letter, even if she didn’t obey anyone else.

“That isn’t the best reason for taking in a child,” Seir was playing the counter game, trying to come up with a reason they shouldn’t for every reason they should Feo could come up with, and to be honest with himself, he was losing.  “It’s a lot of responsibility, and we’re on the road half the year!”

“You’ve already said that three times so far,” Feo sounded more amused than anything as Seir winced.  He was coming up with less reasons–or at least they were always the same few (albeit large) reasons.  The conversation continued until it was time to set camp for the night, but the thought still lingered in their minds.  Would it be a good decision?  Would they be good parents?  The memory of the little kit curling up with her head in his lap, full of trust and curiosity melted his heart, it was true.  He would fight it just a bit longer–make sure they were definitely ready for something like that.  Yet, he secretly hoped that by autumn that she still didn’t fit in with anyone, and their little family could grow to three.

[delphi-dreamin]

Tagged by @yourboyhack ! Thank you darling! This should be a fun one to play with tomorrow!

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! Tag as many people as you have WIPS.

Document (10)

I Just Wanna Be (The Girl You like)

Writing Warm Ups

IJWB Outtakes

Document (9)

Document (4)

Delphi sighs

Inexperience - Dabi

Document2

Dabi - Fill Me

Mermaid!Lucifer AU

Meeting - Dabi

Line Cook Dabi

Luci early morning sex

Deidara smut

Broken

Love Bunny

Hybrid AU

Document (2)

Love of My Life 🖤

Combined Royal AU

Dabi Shibari

Late Night

Heat-Rut AU

BNHA Crossover

Mephisto teasing

Guardian Angel Simeon

Missing You - Video Call

Tattoo

Dabi Thigh Riding

Model

Lesson 38

Dragon AU

Pervy Simeon

Anniversaries

First Times

Send Nudes 3

Mermaid AU

Birthday Present - Asmo

The Proposal (old)

Pact Marks 2

Delphi's a thirsty bitch

Hc's - Catching Him Reading

HBD Asmo

Sandwich

After the Festival

After the Festival Alt

Sleepover - Attic Club

Sleepover

Nightbringer Lucifer

Vampire shit

Innocent Beel

Courting Rituals

Lucifer Jerk Off Fic

Threesome Headcanons

Mammon request

Familiar

Seir Stories

Asmo Corruption kink

Disappeared

Cum

A Different Kind of Dancing

Mammon Pool Table

Mephisto Hate Sex

5&1 Ass Smacking

Beel prone bone x.x

Camboy!Lucifer

Corrupt

Karaoke

Sleepover Exchange

Beel's Day on the Farm

Before You Go

A Tournament of Champions - Simeon

Woop! That's a bitch ton of WIPs. I'm not gonna tag that many people because uh. I don't think I know that many people! 🤣

Tagging, no pressure: @sassykattery @lvminy @attic-club-sandwich @scarlett-vixen @meggsngrits @vampyrsm @touyaspeach @consolationblog @jeschalynn

[l-edelweis]

It's about music, and place, and smell

and anything around them.

Kadang bibir ini bisa menyungging senyum tiba-tiba, tanpa diperintah oleh kepala. Saat alunan lagu memutarkan nada-nada yang familiar, yang di nada-nada tersebut tersimpan suatu peristiwa-peristiwa berkesan, yang mengingatkan pada suatu hal penuh kenangan.

Kadang hidung ini tak ingin kehilangan suatu bau-bauan, yang membuat tubuhnya ingin memeluk udara. Saat itu juga.

Tempat, musik, bau, peristiwa, kenangan, kejadian, tawa, haru, bahagia.

Semua seperti saling mengikat.

Bagaimana bisa musik mengikat peristiwa. Bau mengikat kenangan. Tempat menjadi saksi bisu kejadian-kejadian.

Ada bau-bau yang sengaja aku cari. Karena itu adalah caraku mengikat sesuatu yang aku tak ingin kehilangannya. Mengikatnya supaya terus menyatu dengan diriku. Selalu berjalan seiring, menemani hari-hariku, merangkulku dengan kelembutan yang menawan.

Ada musik-musik yang ingin terus kuputar. Kuulang sekian kali. Lalu barangkali akan kuhapus dari daftar putar, untuk kuputar lagi lima, sepuluh tahun kemudian. Yang pada saat itu, perasaan--tubuhku--seperti di koyak-koyak masa lalu. Atau bisa jadi dipeluk oleh segala sesuatu yang berkaitan dengan masa lalu---teman, peristiwa, orang-orang yang penuh kasih sayang, kejadian yang nyaris tenggelam ditelan bumi namun tiba-tiba 'bangkit' lagi setelah musik-musik itu dinyalakan.

Ada tempat yang ingin dikunjungi. Kembali. Pada suatu masa, di masa depan. Tempat-tempat yang tembok, tanahnya, atapnya, lukisannya, pintunya, mejanya, lantainya, menjadi saksi bisu suatu peristiwa yang begitu berarti dan bermakna.

Bau bisa diabadikan. Musik bisa diputar berulangkali. Tempat bisa menyimpan kenangan.

Namun, hidup harus terus berjalan.

[calicocoon]

Menikah dan Mitos yang Menyertainya

Kebingungan pertama ketika akan memulai relationship buatku adalah menjawab satu pertanyaan apakah aku benar-benar ingin bersama orang ini atau aku cuma merasa kesepian?

Perlu waktu dan kehati-hatian untuk menemukan jawaban. Untuk kasus ini, cara yang berhasil aku lakukan adalah dengan menjadi teman baik bagi diri sendiri. Belajar sesuatu yang tidak familiar tentunya akan sedikit sulit. Bagaimana caranya bisa berteman baik saat kita merasa asing dengan diri sendiri? Atau bahkan sering berkonflik dengan diri sendiri? Karena itu penting sekali untuk memahami diri kita dahulu secara utuh biar akhirnya bisa sadar apa saja hal yang kita perlukan; apakah sekadar afeksi yang bisa diberikan oleh siapa saja? Atau seseorang yang spesifik ini yang mempunyai value sesuai keinginan kita dan mampu tumbuh bersama dalam kebaikan.

Setelah menemukan jawabannya, aku belajar untuk memahami diri sendiri. Hingga akhirnya mampu untuk berwelas asih pada diri sendiri dan orang lain. Dulu aku sempat berpikir jika mencintai orang lain itu mudah, tidak perlu belajar. Ternyata mencintai adalah kemampuan yang perlu aku usahakan lewat proses yang panjang dan melelahkan. Sebagai pengingat, aku menuliskannya menjadi sebuah puisi di Medium, silakan berkunjung ke sini jika senggang hehe. Satu hal yang aku yakini dari pengalamanku adalah kita akan bertemu orang yang tepat di saat kita sudah menemukan diri kita sendiri.

Saat memutuskan untuk menikah, terjadilah diskusi dengan beberapa teman yang sudah lebih dulu berkeluarga. Banyak doa baik dan hal baik dari percakapan itu, tapi ada beberapa pendapat juga yang aku tidak setuju dan kuanggap mitos. Terlepas dari perbedaan pendapat di antara kita, semoga teman-teman yang dulu mendengarkan pertanyaanku dengan sabar selalu dalam keadaan sehat dan bahagia ya 🫰🏻.

Salah satu pendapat yang kuanggap hanya mitos adalah 'ujian sebelum menikah'. Menurutku selama manusia bernapas, maka ujian bisa datang kapan saja dan muncul dalam berbagai wujud. Tak ada bedanya dengan proses persiapan menikah, ujian apapun bisa terjadi tapi bukan spesial karena peristiwa hendak menikahnya itu. Ada pasangan yang akan menikah misalnya, secara finansial belum stabil atau baru saja bekerja dengan tabungan yang sedikit kemudian kesulitan untuk membayar vendor pernikahan. Setelah disarankan untuk menikah dengan lebih sederhana sesuai kemampuan, pasangan ini menolak dan berdalih kalau keluarga punya banyak rekan kerja, pasangan sama-sama berasal dari keluarga besar dengan banyak saudara. Ketika curhat masalah ini sama teman kemudian direspon, "Sabar, ini ujian sebelum menikah nanti juga ada rezekinya buat calon manten." Alangkah baiknya jika pasangan ini menikah ketika tabungan sudah cukup, alih-alih memaksakan menikah dan menganggap tidak bisa membayar vendor sebagai ujian.

Pendapat lainnya adalah keraguan pada pasangan yang diartikan sebagai ujian sebelum menikah. Umumnya sebelum menikah kita memiliki waktu dan kesempatan untuk saling mengenal. Ini merupakan waktu yang krusial untuk membuka mata dan telinga lebar-lebar. Urutan yang benar versiku adalah mengenal pasangan kita dengan baik terlebih dahulu, baru kemudian merencanakan pernikahan setelah merasa sama-sama cocok dan siap. Bukan dibalik urutannya menjadi cari pasangan untuk menikah dulu, lalu kenalan nanti saja kalau sudah menikah atau berkenalan sambil mempersiapkan pernikahan. Menurut pengalamanku, keyakinan bahwa pasangan kita adalah orang yang tepat akan muncul seiring kita mengenal lebih banyak hal tentang orang tersebut. Jadi, aku tidak sedikitpun ragu atau cemas atau bahkan takut (?) untuk menikah sama suamiku, karena di masa perkenalan kami merasa cukup banyak memahami satu sama lain.

Perasaan ragu menjelang pernikahan bukanlah ujian menurutku. Keraguan semacam itu bisa terjadi karena kita kurang mengenal pasangan atau juga kurang mengenal diri sendiri. Beberapa orang bahkan kesulitan menjawab apa tujuan mereka menikah, kenapa mereka memilih pasangannya, value apa saja yang penting dan lain-lain. Padahal gedung sudah disewa, kebaya sudah diukur dan dicoba, hari pernikahan sudah di depan mata. Tentu saja ketidaksiapan akan menimbulkan perasaan ragu. Pernikahan adalah keputusan besar dalam kehidupan seseorang, kalau masih ragu sebaiknya kenalan lagi dengan lebih baik. Jangan dilanjutkan dan menenangkan diri dengan kalimat ini cuma ujian orang yang mau menikah.

Ada juga yang mendadak tidak siap menjadi istri/suami seseorang kemudian mengaitkannya dengan ujian sebelum nikah. Beberapa hari sebelum acara menangis karena cemas akan menyandang peran baru sebagai istri. Khawatir dan cemas tidak akan sebebas sebelumnya jika sudah jadi suami. Cemas karena harus meninggalkan rumah dan orangtua untuk ikut calon pasangannya. Takut karir atau pendidikan terhambat setelah menikah. Menurutku untuk menikah butuh kedewasaan dan kesadaran. Cukup dewasa untuk mengemban tanggung jawab baru dan cukup sadar jika memang banyak hal akan perlu penyesuaian setelah menikah. Perasaan cemas ini tidak bisa disebut ujian jika orang yang bersangkutan ternyata belum cukup dewasa dan sadar tentang kehidupan pernikahan. Kita akan cenderung cemas dan takut menghadapi sesuatu yang tidak kita ketahui sama sekali apalagi tanpa persiapan yang baik. Lagipula sebelum menikah harusnya sudah ada kesepakatan mau tinggal di mana, langsung punya anak atau tidak, apakah boleh sama-sama bekerja, dibantu ART, mengatur jadwal mudik dll. Kalau semua sudah jelas sepertinya kekhawatiran terkait kehidupan setelah menikah bisa diminimalisir.

Mitos lain yang cukup populer di masa aku kuliah dulu adalah mengatakan, "Udahlah, aku mau nikah aja." setiap kali terbentur kesulitan hidup. Ujian susah mau nikah aja. Belajar capek mau nikah aja. Kemana-mana sendiri mau nikah aja. Menikah seakan-akan jadi penyelesaian masalah yang sedang kita hadapi. Hidup dengan orangtua yang tidak harmonis, broken home, menjadi generasi sandwich bahkan breadwinner, kesepian, kerja underpaid solusinya sama sekali bukan menikah. Kita merasa perlu telinga yang mendengar, kita juga perlu mendapatkan afeksi dan perhatian tapi jawabannya tidak selalu menikah. Salah satu skill penting sebelum menikah menurutku adalah mandiri. Mandiri bukan berarti jadi alpha woman/ alpha male (yang di konten-konten itu) yang bersikap seakan tidak butuh orang lain. Mandiri dalam arti mampu menghadapi masalah dengan bijak, bertanggung jawab sama diri sendiri dan mampu memenuhi kebutuhan sendiri, mampu menyusun prioritas dan lain sebagainya. Buatku menikah bukan jalan pintas untuk melarikan diri dari masalah dan pasangan bukanlah pahlawan yang akan menyelamatkan kita dari segala kemalangan. Menikah itu seperti kesepakatan untuk menjadi teman perjalanan seumur hidup. Artinya kita ingin dekat, kita ingin menjalani waktu yang kita miliki bersama orang yang kita pilih, bertumbuh dan menjadi lebih baik bersama-sama. Semua diusahakan bersama. Jika dari awal punya ekspektasi untuk diselamatkan atau diratukan, dirajakan (yang di konten-konten itu) maka kamu akan merasa kecewa karena pernikahan tidak akan berjalan baik tanpa saling mengusahakan. Kalau hanya satu orang yang terus-menerus berusaha sedangkan yang lainnya sangat bergantung bahkan demanding, di satu waktu orang yang mengusahakan akan lelah berjuang sendirian.

Sama seperti saat kita masih single, dalam pernikahan pun kita tetap punya tanggung jawab, malahan jadi dua, satu sebagai individu kita bertanggung jawab untuk diri sendiri, yang kedua sebagai pasangan suami/istri. Begitu juga hal lainnya, bertambah peran artinya bertambah tanggung jawab dan kewajiban. Jadi, jika berharap dengan menikah semua masalah akan lenyap tentu saja mustahil terjadi.

Hal lain yang tak kalah membingungkan adalah mitos godaan sebelum menikah. Seperti mantan ngajak balikan, atau tiba-tiba seseorang yang tampak lebih baik dari pasangan kita mendekati kita. Perkara semacam ini perlu dipertanyakan, karena kalau aku yang mengalami sama sekali tidak akan aku anggap godaan. Tentu saja karena tidak tergoda makanya tidak dianggap sebagai godaan. Sesuatu yang menurutku mudah sekali untuk diabaikan. Bagi yang merasa itu adalah godaan perlu bertanya lagi pada diri sendiri apakah kita benar menyayangi orang yang hendak kita nikahi?

Sebagai penutup, aku mau bilang kalau menikah adalah keputusan yang besar dan akan menentukan banyak hal di hidup kita. Jangan terpengaruh dengan standar dan bisikan eksternal karena kita sendiri yang akan menjalaninya. Banyak mitos lain yang mungkin kita dengar dan aku lupa bahas di sini, mari diskusi lewat DM instagram jika perlu.

Menikah dengan orang yang tepat akan membawa banyak hal baik di hidup kita, karena pernikahan yang baik akan membuat kita bertumbuh. Kalau kalimat yang ini bukan mitos ya, karena sudah kualami sendiri 😁

[purple-the-turtle]

TW// Mentions of Character Death, Non-Graphic Descriptions of Blood

Casey is having the worst day of his life.

Well, one of the worst days of his life. This belongs right on his top ten, right up there with the day Uncle Tello died and the way Master Leonardo and Michelangelo lost part of their smiles, and the day they died. Just below it, is the abstract feeling of losing his mom, and the worst and simultaneously the best birthday present he had ever gotten.

It just. Hurts. 

Seeing Raphael, the looming, faintly familiar giant, so… small, in Casey’s memories. He was practically Casey’s dad as a kid. And Casey forgot about him.

But now, he won’t make the same mistake again. He’s bringing his family together, no matter what it takes. 

He tumbles through more memories, blood spilling through the cracks, trying to ignore the carapace pieces that stab at his legs. It’ll all be worth it. If he did this for Uncle Tello, he can do it now. He has to. 

Please, he thinks, as he sees a familiar picture book float by. Why is this taking so long? With Uncle Tello, it didn’t take this long. Not even going off two data points! A familiar voice echoes in the back of his mind. He smiles hysterically. Maybe this won't be so bad.

Then, he hears it—a creaking noise.

Casey rushes forward, trudging through the blood and- is that oil?- tripping over wires, before reaching the zenith of the tangled mass. Gasping for breath, his legs aching-

He sees Raphael. 

And he runs.

I will say, this is a WIP! I just thought I'd show the first part. As a treat :)

for @somerandomdudelmao 's Cass Apocolapse Seires! Raph and Casey's part was my favorite and made me cry like a baby <33

[acupofdisaster]

Winter Blues

Belakangan ini lagi merasa hal-hal yang aku jalani lagi berada dalam status quo. Semuanya sedang baik-baik aja (Alhamdulillah), tapi entah kenapa ada pemikiran-pemikiran yang ‘mengganjal’. Emang sih, lagi banyak hal yang harus dipikirkan, tapi semuanya bisa diatur, semuanya terkontrol dengan baik, hanya saja belakangan ini suka tiba-tiba kepikiran satu-dua hal yang malah memicu nestapa.

Seperti hari ini, lagi berdiri di peron kereta pulang dari kantor, terus tiba-tiba merasa kota ini asing sekali…..Aku ga merasa menjadi bagian keramaian arus balik orang-orang ini, aku merasa ganjil dan terjebak dalam duniaku sendiri. Seharian berinteraksi dengan bahasa asing, bertemu orang sana-sini, membuat aku membutuhkan kesempatan untuk duduk tenang dengan orang yang wajahnya familiar dan bahasa yang tak perlu aku terjemahkan. Aku rindu banyak orang.....aku tiba-tiba saja mengharapkan momen-momen sederhana seperti pulang kerja dan disambut papa mama yang bertanya gimana kerjaanku hari ini, atau sampai rumah ganggu adik dan kakakku sebentar hanya untuk melepas penat, atau berkesempatan untuk makan malam bersama teman-temanku, menertawakan ini itu, melepas hiruk piruk setelah seharian mengadu nasib di bilik yang dulu jadi mimpiku.

Lara yang aku rasakan semakin menjadi karena tiba-tiba setelah seharian menjalani peranku dan berkutat dengan ini dan itu, aku hanya ingin berkesempatan untuk melihatmu di tengah keramaian. Aku hanya ingin tak sengaja menemukanmu di antara orang-orang yang berbondong-bondong masuk kereta, dengan wajah letihnya, atau dengan laptop di tangan kanannya. Aku sungguh hanya ingin melihat wajah yang familiar di sudut kota ini, dan rupanya jauh di alam bawah sadarku, menemukanmu dalam keramaian adalah sebuah ketidakmungkinan yang masih terus aku harapkan. 

Mungkin aku hanya rindu orang-orang….ternyata memang tidak semua kedinginan obatnya adalah jaket tebal atau minuman hangat, kadang kehangatan dari orang-orang terdekat atau yang diharapkanlah yang jadi pelipur lara. 

Meskipun perasaan-perasan di atas cuman sekejap aku rasain, aku jadi sadar dibalik status quoku, aku sedang tidak baik-baik saja…..berlama-lama di sini tidak membuatku menjadi ahli dalam menaklukan winter blues yang tiba-tiba datang dan pergi. Terbiasa jauh tidak membuatku jadi punya kendali menaklukan perasaan-perasaanku yang bergejolak pilu menahan rindu. 

Tapi aku sadar suatu hal, dari perasaan-perasaan tidak nyaman inilah aku terus bertumbuh jadi manusia utuh. Seiring berjalannya waktu, aku semakin bijaksana menafsirkan emosi yang tiba-tiba muncul ketika winter blues. Aku teringat aja dulu aku pernah merasa winter blues ini aneh, apa hubungannya musim dengan emosi manusia, kenapa kita harus ngebiarin diri kita dikontrol faktor eksternal yang jelas-jelas di luar kendali kita? Tapi sekarang aku malah menggunakan ini sebagai sinyal untuk berhenti sejenak dan mendengarkan apa yang badanku dan hatiku rasain.

Seiring berganti musim, aku udah ga menolak segala rupa emosi yang bergejolak ketika dingin menyelimutiku, aku malah berdamai dan jadi lebih lembut terhadap diriku dan perasaan-perasaan yang berlalu-lalang silih berganti. Aku belajar tidak menyulitkan diriku dengan memberikannya ruang untuk merasakan apa yang perlu aku rasakan, aku berusaha mendengarkan nestapa yang bergemuruh dengan seksama, walaupun ini hanya sesuatu yang ’seasonal’.

"Aku benar rindu, di sini asing, entah harus mulai dari mana, tapi yang jelas aku ingin berteleportasi dan berada di kota yang familiar bagiku dengan orang-orang yang familiar pula. Kalaulah itu terlalu rumit, aku hanya ingin menemuimu di peron kereta selepas aku pulang kerja."

Dan perasaan ini valid, bukan karena aku sedih berlarut, lemah tak berdaya, atau tidak bersyukur.

Perasaan dan penerimaan ini bentuk nyata bahwa aku sedang berproses sebagai manusia yang akan memanusiakan manusia.

[a-cup-of-honey]

Hati dan Rumah

Tidak ada langit yang lebih indah kecuali langit pagi tanggal 19 April 2023. Dari jendela kaca kereta, pagi terasa jauh lebih damai dari biasanya. Entah karena suasana pagi itu atau memang hatiku. Rasa gembira yang sangat menyesakkan. Aku seakan tersadar bahwa bahagia seorang anak yang sedang menuju ke rumah adalah perasaan yang sangat familiar namun sedikit mahal. Ketika sekolah, perpisahan dengan rumah hanya terhitung oleh jam. Seiring dewasa, perpisahan dengan rumah ternyata terhitung jarak dan waktu yang lama, bisa berbulan-bulan atau bahkan tahunan. 

Semakin jauh kakiku melangkah, semakin aku sadar bahwa dekat dengan rumah akan menghadirkan ketenangan yang tidak dapat dibeli. Suasana rumah tidak menjajikan kedamaian setiap waktu, tapi berada di balik selimut di kamar sendiri adalah tempat paling aman dari tempat persembunyian perang manapun. Ada rasa aman ketika suara ibu mengingatkan untuk makan dan mandi. Seolah si umur 24 tahun ini masih seperti balita yang malas mandi. Tidak takut perut bunyi karena hidangan selalu ada di balik tudung saji. Suara bersin ayah yang sangat kencang seolah meriuhkan suasana yang ada. 

Rumah. Semoga aku segera kembali. Didekatkan dengan rezeki yang menenangkan hati. Didekatkan dengan jodoh yang dapat melengkapi. Didekatkan dengan suasana yang menghangatkan jiwa. Dekatlah, dekatlah, dekatlah aku dengan sang Ilahi.