#// there are so many layers to his madness. this is just one aspect of it

[dykedvonte]

Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like

-💀

It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.

If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.

Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.

He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...

[rejectshumanity]

*deep breath* alright gang! let’s talk about dio’s childhood trauma, his compulsive need to maintain control and show off through materialism, and how it all manifests in his hoarding tendencies 🙂

( major tw for mentions of childhood abuse, alcoholism, food insecurity, hoarding, and discussions of mental illness )

along with his father’s alcoholism, and the physical and verbal abuse he and his mother suffered at his hands, dio’s early childhood was defined by food insecurity. although his mother tried her best to ensure he was well fed, often skipping meals herself so that he could have something to eat, dario’s excessive drinking and philandering meant that the family was often without money for food. not only that, as dio grew older, he started running away from home to escape the abuse, spending multiple days at a time on the streets. 

as a result, he developed a compulsive habit of hoarding his food, and hiding it to store for later. once he started doing this, he never let himself finish a full meal, no matter how hungry he was at the time — the idea of being without food in light of the very real possibility there wouldn’t be any at home was a source of great anxiety. this habit became so ingrained in dio that for several months following his adoption, he would continue to steal food from the kitchen whenever he got the chance, hiding it in various places throughout the joestar mansion. naturally, he was too prideful to let on that he was doing this; the few times his stashes were discovered, he let jojo take the fall for it.

even then, a lack of food was just one of many contributing factors to dio's feelings of insecurity. when he lived in poverty, he had almost no possessions to call his own, and whatever he did have was liable to vanish. often, he would return home to discover that his cherished collections of novels and penny magazines were gone, sold in his absence for drinking money. sometimes, if dario was on a particularly expensive bender, he would even sell off his son's spare clothes for booze, leaving dio with nothing but the shirt on his back.

dio learned early in his childhood that whatever few possessions he managed to cling onto could be forcibly taken away from him at any time, that he can’t trust anyone not to steal from him for their own gain, and that he must always be prepared to fight tooth and nail to prevent this from happening. 

consider this scene from phantom blood. when dio first arrives at the joestar mansion, he reacts instinctively — violently —when jonathan attempts to carry his bag.

now, you could interpret this scene as just another instance of dio being shitty to jojo as a part of his master plan to bully him into submission, and i wouldn't necessarily disagree. but given how impoverished his childhood was, how little possessions he had, and how insecure and tenuous his hold on those few possessions was, this moment in particular really does come across as a trauma reaction to me. it's evident in the way he appears so alarmed when jonathan reaches for his bag, and how immediately and viciously he lashes out without a second's hesitation. i have no doubt too that he’s had to fend off street thieves in the past, and likely did so with a similar maneuver.

( i think it's also worth mentioning that with this interpretation, this moment becomes one of the earliest incidents in which we see dio's mask visibly slip, followed by his furtive efforts to save face. even considering his desire to be cruel to jojo, he acts entirely on impulse here. i'm particularly fascinated by the way he mentions wanting a servant to carry his bag, like he’s trying to excuse his trauma response as righteous indignation, and how quickly he composes himself again after the violent outburst. )

it's not until we get to stardust crusaders though, that this aspect of DIO's trauma visibly manifests in a severe hoarding problem. by this point, the state of DIO's home has become both a reflection of his current state of mind, and a long established pattern of sickness stemming from his childhood experiences. the lack of security he felt as a child in regard to his possessions never really went away. once he has the power and the capital to do so, he spends a significant amount of time seeking out rare and valuable items in the pursuit of luxury, attempting to impress his followers and affirm his delusions through the sheer magnitude of his wealth while failing to see his hoarding for the mental health problem that it clearly is.

he is aware, at least on a subconscious level, that his piles of miscellaneous treasure are unsightly. the mansion’s foyer is kept relatively clear of clutter for the sake of appearances, but the deeper into the house you get, the more objects there are to step over. he’s filled multiple rooms with piles upon piles of gold and jewels, paintings and sculptures, luxury clothing, weapons and artifacts, rare instruments, expensive wine, books and books and more books, but he doesn't take the time to organize or arrange anything. his piles of possessions are interspersed with the occasional dead bodies of his leftovers, lost amid his vast hoard and overlooked by whoever's on housekeeping duty. it's the perfect visual representation of DIO's dangerous appetites, and ultimately, his emptiness as a person. it's as visually chaotic as it is profoundly disturbing; as hollow and meaningless and destructive as DIO's pursuits.

quite honestly, DIO doesn’t even remember acquiring most of his hoard, and he stopped keeping an inventory of it all long ago. he is even willing to acknowledge that his obsession with wealth and power doesn’t actually bring him happiness. of course, that's not to say he would be willing to give any of it up. simply put, he must have it all. regardless of any fleeting moments of self awareness, the hoarding remains a fixation — a sad reflection of his insatiable desire to acquire more, and more, and more, despite knowing deep down that he can never truly be satisfied. 

last but not least, i headcanon that in addition to hoarding objects, DIO collects interesting people. naturally, he favors stand users and others with special abilities for their usefulness to his cause. there are a rare few he keeps around purely for their company, although for most of them, i wouldn't consider it friendship. a better equivalence would be a cat who spares a mouse, so it can play with its food instead.

[sunshineandspencer]

Friendly face

A/N: Aaron Hotchner, thank you for being there when our fathers weren’t 🙏🙏

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Receptionist!Reader.

Summary: The higher ups decided that the BAU needed their own reception area so that visitors and the agents had their own friendly face whenever they come back from a case. Hotch already has a soft spot for her.

Word Count: 741

Warnings: just a little fluff for my first Hotch fic, because receptionist!reader and Hotch makes me feral

Part 2!!

When they first told her that she’d be moved from the normal reception to a special one being made for her up in the BAU, she thought that she’d been sent a spam email. Laughing it off and getting back to her baking.

Until her boss escorted her up to her new desk the next morning.

Thankfully, all her belongings had been boxed up by other staff, and had already been moved up in boxes for her to unpack. 

Her days were long, and she was routinely one of the first people in the building, which meant she had more than enough time to sort through her boxes before any of the actual team turned up for the first time.

Apparently they’d had a few issues with people getting in that weren’t the most savoury of characters. So she was moved up as an extra layer of protection before the public were allowed into the bullpen. But being on the same floor as profilers wasn’t going to stop her from decorating as she always had.

Besides, she didn’t have to share this desk with anyone, so she got the entire space to decorate herself.

Putting her box of biscuits, made and decorated the night before, on the top of the desk, she got to work. Getting into her own little world as she sorted out the boring bits first. Putting away important files she always needed to have on hand, and setting up the monitor to make sure all the information worked to let people in.

Eventually, thankfully, she got to the more fun aspects of her unpacking.

A lilac notebook, a collection of glittery pens (that, sadly, still had to be black ink), a sweet bowl since she knows how many agents have kids, and a plush lilac blanket over the back of her chair. She runs cold, and will have that over her lap if she starts to freeze.

Just as she started to unload her pretty, pastel post-it notes, there was a voice from beyond the desk.

“Are these for us?”

She shot up, hand going to her chest, thankfully also somewhat startling the man in front of her desk. At least she recognised him, SSA Aaron Hotchner, she’d been the one to sign him in most days when she worked downstairs.

Giving him a small smile as she leant over to pop the lid, the smell of shortbread biscuits immediately hitting the area and making them both hungry.

“Of course, sir, and since you’re the first here, you can have two.”

Her original shock lessened as she smiled up at the man, who did immediately take two biscuits for himself. He’d never say no to her baking again - it had made her upset and she hadn’t spoken to him for three days.

“You don’t need to call me sir, not now we work together. It’s good to have you on the floor.”

“It’s good to be here.” Smiling nervously as she shifted into her chair, the clock telling her that more people were going to start coming in soon. “I can only deal with Maria’s constant bad date stories before I go mad.”

There was that small smile on his face, one she’d seen very few times, but still made her all warm and gooey whenever she did. Brushing her hair back behind her ear and glancing away to boot up the monitor for the morning.

Looking back at him one last time, just to catch him sneaking a sweet from the pot, not even stopping when she caught him. Shoving it into his pocket and stepping away a little.

“I’ll stop by later on, make sure you’re settled.”

He nodded, as if he’d do that for anyone else, and she smiled. God. He could drown in her smile.

But as he went to walk off, she waved a hand for his attention, neither of them noticing Spencer coming through the elevator doors, freezing at seeing the interaction between them. Not sure what to make of the smile on his Unit Chief's face.

“I’ll save a biscuit, so you can take one home to Jack. I’ll sign you in, go on, you workaholic.”

Accepting and returning his little wave until she turned back to her desk with a stupidly daft smile on her face. Which she didn’t even try to dampen when she spotted Spencer, beckoning him forward.

“Morning Doctor, have a biscuit, I’ll sign you in.”

Want more?! Good!

[if-loves]

mad man.

// Yandere Sunday

sum: Did you know? The thoughts of a mad man are hard to spy on.

wc: 1610

warnings: maybe OOC sunday

a/n: i took some liberties with the whole halovians and telepathy through their halos thing so yea lol

likes & reblogs are appreciated! asks are more than welcome ❤️

You’ve always prided yourself on being an attentive person.

As a Halovian, your job is to expand the influence of the Harmony. Some do so by joining the Oak Family and dealing in politics, while others join the Iris Family and become celebrities. You are no different, initially joining the Oak Family to become a diplomat, only to be then promoted to be one of Sunday’s trusted assistants.

The nature of the work is similar to that of a diplomat, but on a smaller scale as you only deal with Penacony. Although your dream of traveling the cosmos is left to gather dust, you have to admit that you are quite satisfied with your work. Sunday is a benevolent leader and boss who has done nothing but made you feel comfortable.

He compliments the detail of your reports and notes, even going so far as to say that it “is far more organized and detailed than his”, even though you don’t believe him at all. As much as you admire his work ethic and how he’s managed to lead Penacony to new heights, he’s not someone that you’d wish to be… friends with.

You’ve always prided yourself on being able to read people, an invaluable skill especially for a Halovian, but you find that no matter how hard you try, you’ve never been able to get anything out of Sunday. The only thing you’ve been able to gather from him is… nothing. Every action, expression, word, is all calculated and planned, like a mixed yet carefully measured dose of nectar and poison.

His sister, Robin, has a much friendlier appearance, although you do recognize that the nature of her work probably demands that of her; she’s rarely around, so you don’t think too much about her. She’s not the one who writes your paycheck.

Sunday, on the other hand…

Logic tells you that considering his position as the head of the Oak Family, he is no stranger to cruelty. Politics is never sweet, and if it was, then it was a poison coated in a thick layer of honey. This applies to all aspects of it, including dealings with other planets, and especially to anything related to the IPC. This also applies to internal affairs, from the heads of each family down to every family member, no matter how insignificant their role may seem to be.

Sunday is biding his time for something, and you want to know what.

You’ve seen hints of his oddities, the slightest cracks of his facade. You’ve seen a lot more than others, but you don’t think you’ll ever see enough that could satisfy your curiosity - not unless it’s all of him.

And so, you watch. You watch as he sits in meetings on end, facade never once cracking. You watch as he scans over your reports, the same, default smile on his face. He compliments your work again, but it is all white noise to you. You can’t say you’re surprised at the lackluster results of your observations, for a predator such as he is always on guard, yet also always ready to strike. His true self is buried in dreams he will never have.

It is in your house that you come to a realization of sorts - you’re a Halovian. You can use telepathy, and in your special case, if you try hard enough, you can even take the smallest peek into his head. That is, if you’re willing to risk it.

You’ve never had good experiences with the mind reading thing you can do. It always results in immediate nausea and pounding headaches as if you’ve had one too many SoulGlads, and it often leaves you so exhausted you nearly always collapse on the spot. There’s never been anyone worth using it on, not until Sunday.

Is this curiosity worth feeding? You don’t quite know.

It’s at a bar that you reflect upon these thoughts, swirling your glass of… well, you didn’t exactly ask for anything specific, just sweet. The bartender, you think his name is Gallagher, is wonderful at what he does. You don’t see him often, but something about him feels familiar, like he’s someone you know but you can never quite put your finger on who. But the familiarity and liquid courage encourages a conversation, and if you’re falling, you only hope that the landing kills you instantly.

“Gallagher, is it?” You ask, eyes still trained on your drink, cheek resting on your hand.

“Yes. And you are (Y/n), I presume?” He replies, neither sparing you a glance.

“How’d you know?” You can’t even be bothered to sound surprised.

“Everyone knows Sunday’s favorite assistant.”

“Mr Sunday isn’t one to play favorites.”

“Is that so?”

Silence follows afterwards, soft jazz and the chatter of visitors the only sounds.

“I am curious about something, but I don’t know if I should really pursue it.” The words spill out of your mouth for you, the alcohol their water.

“Should you really be taking advice from a stranger?” For the first time he glances at you, hands still working on whatever concoction was asked of him, but his eyes on you.

“It’s either a stranger or me, so both choices aren’t great.”

“Hm. Well,” he shrugs, eyes back to the mixture of liquids, “I’d say, go for it.”

“…Thanks.” With a last swig of your drink, you fish out your credits and set them on the counter, walking out of the bar, the squawk of a crow your announcement of exit. Have you gained clarity, or are you stepping straight into the jaws of the monster? Only time will tell.

Gallagher watches your back when you leave, and he smiles.

A ball is happening on Penacony, and Sunday has enlisted you to accompany him.

You’re less than happy, but dress yourself appropriately. Sunday’s reputation is directly related to yours, and you’d rather not deal with the repercussions of both the public and Sunday himself.

Although this ball was out of your plans, you think that you have an opportunity. Sunday will be busy speaking to other representatives and guests, and you’ll be left to the corner to keep an eye on potentially rowdy guests. The halo floating behind you tells everyone all they’d ever need to know about you.

Sunday is speaking on the stage when you decide to risk it all. You look around you to see all the guests paying close attention to the stage, and none of them could care less about you, for the ball is coming to its end. With quiet steps, you retreat into the nearest bathroom, eyes still trained on Sunday’s distant figure.

Your halo vibrates behind you, trying desperately to connect itself to his, but as the speech draws to an end, you’ve come up with nothing but a very real nothing. Despite all your efforts, you could not peek into his mind, and it makes you wonder just how guarded is he?

You can vaguely hear his closing words, but what really shakes you is an announcement of one last dance. This wasn’t in the schedule - and Sunday loves order over anything else.

In quick steps, you are back to where you stood the whole night, a stiff and strained smile on your face. You don’t attempt to search for Sunday in the crowd, for you are not even sure you could dare to face him after what you tried to do.

Instead, it is he who finds you; Sunday of the Oak Family, dressed elegantly in a white suit, his halo seemingly glowing behind his head, his wings fluttering to the sound of the music. You wonder if he does it consciously.

“Shall we dance, my dear assistant?” He holds his gloved hand out for you, and you feel one too many pairs of eyes watching for you to be able to reject. And so, you take his hand.

He leads your steps gently, twirling you, dipping you, his face mere inches from yours. He doesn’t complain when you step on his shoes, nor when you stumble clumsily; he takes it all in stride, never once letting you go. Even when others change their partners, he chooses to stay with you.

It’s almost so easy to forget that Sunday is the head of the Oak Family.

“Did you have fun?” He whispers into your ear, a placid smile on his face.

“I don’t know what you mean, sir.”

“There’s no reason to be afraid, I won’t punish you.” He dips you perfectly, golden eyes boring holes into yours, but his grip tightens and ow, it’s starting to hurt-

“Sir, your grip-”

“If you want to know me so badly,” he turns you to face away from him, hand on your chin forcing you to stare at a violet crow, “then you should stop playing these games.”

The uneasiness settles in slowly, marinating in your belly. Then, like a house on fire, it spreads uncontrollably into every part of your body, before finally settling in your head, like a parasite feeding.

The dance is still gentle and elegant, much like the music being played, but to you, it is a violent, inhumane battle between escape and capture, freedom and imprisonment, life and death. Every twirl is a stab, every dip a shot, and every word is the nightmare transforming into reality.

The music comes to a close, and the guests all make their leave. Only you are left with the beast.

“Come, my dear. You have much to learn.” He smiles so genuinely, and it’s like he’s glowing. You think he looks like an angel. “Just as you wished for.”

Your halos touch.

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

[9w1ft]

Hi! Love your account! So I am a recent convert to gaylorism and I tend to align with LSK, but I cannot fit in the timeline Taylor’s sad heartfelt rendition of “I can’t stop loving you”. What’s your take on it? Where they in an off period of their relationship?

hi! happy to have you here :)

i think that in general the post-masters purchase period of 2019 (the back half of the year) was a period of mourning and sadness for many reasons for taylor. the argument could be made that she had just given up her coming out plans. her work had been sold to scooter. her mom was reported to be very sick. maybe there were other sad things that happened, but i don’t think that a kaylor breakup had to have been one of them.

i do however believe that there was a tactical value to taylor and karlie distancing themselves from one another during this period, and i do think it’s possible that they may have played into the perception of their relationship even in the eyes of the people who were in the know. i think that the songs mad woman and vigilante shit both plainly suggest that karlie was the one who got the dirt on scooter and gave it to taylor. because she was the one who still, as we saw, had access to socializing with him and his circle after the masters were bought. i know that a sort of double-agent theory probably comes off as farfetched but i really do believe that at the time taylor was not concerned with how kaylor appeared to kaylors or gaylors. rather, she was laser focused on “inconveniencing herself to prove a point” and karlie (and her relationship to karlie) was one important ally for her in these circumstances. from her perspective, in this situation, platforms like bbc radio one live lounge can be seen as an opportunity to convey a distance between her and karlie, leaving karlie in a position to more freely be around scooter and his circle without his guard being up.

and now, knowing what we know now, i think it’s pretty obvious how people should interpret the line “she had the envelope, where you think she got it from?” — maybe some people are still stuck on the top layer: where you think she got it from? yael got it from taylor! without considering the next question: where did taylor get it from?

anyway, this is sort of my personal and developing interpretation of the time period, please don’t take it to be consensus opinion, i don’t think there’s been much consensus opinion discussion about this time period with kaylors, not on tumblr at least.

finally. here are some posts i’ve written about different aspects of it! in case you’re interested:

[johaerys-writes]

What do you find most influences your characterization of Achilles when you’re writing? I love all your fics so much btw! 💖

Aah this is such a good question!!! Honestly a lot of the time when I write him I think about his Iliad characterisation, I think it's my favourite. He is so abrasive and self-centered and it makes so much sense within the context of the story and his situation that you can't even be mad about it. I love how intensely he feels all his emotions, Achilles doesn’t do anything by halves: he loves to the max, hates to the max, grieves to the max. There is something so powerful about the fact that his love and his grief go hand in hand with such monumental destruction, like he’s so SCARY in how torrential his passions are but also so very human, and that is always an interesting thought experiment trying to apply those characteristics in different universes or stories. I love that throughout the Iliad we get glimpses of not only how deadly he is, but also a sweet, caring, honourable man that genuinely cares about his fellow humans in his own way, and also about justice and fairness, and it's so painful how that is turned against him in the end. He's just such a complex character with so many layers, and with every fic I write about him I want to peel back those layers and see what I can do with them lol. He contains multitudes and I honestly think he's one of the greatest characters ever conceived in one of the most compelling stories ever written and that inspires me the hell out of me lmao.

Also the fact that he's a demigod, and that he is intentionally written differently from other characters in the Iliad (in the way he speaks and acts and moves, the way he expresses his emotions, in his powers, his connection to Thetis and the sea), like he’s a weirdo by default but also extremely relatable and I find that so endearing. Achilles' weirdness is something that features quite a lot in my works.

I am also inspired by his TSOA and Hades characterisations, as well as his appearances in other ancient greek works (I think I would be lying if I said that TSOA isn't in the dna of most of my patrochilles stories LOL but I usually inject other bits and pieces from other works into his characterisation depending on the fic). I love seeing how other creators were inspired by Achilles and what they decided to do with him, which aspect of his character they chose to focus on, it's always so interesting. It's a good thing that he appears in quite a lot of stuff, both modern and older works, both in writing and in art, so we're a bit spoiled for choice.

Edit: also the fact that the myth of him hiding in Skyros dressed as a woman is so old and embedded into his general myth, and that he was feminine-looking and graceful enough to pass makes me feral....!!!!! ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FERAL!!!! And ALSO that even in the Iliad his role in Patroclus' funeral mirrors that of Andromache in Hector's funeral, like he doesn’t care about gender norms Patroclus is his HUSBAND and Achilles taking on the role of the wife is just!!! Genderfluid Achilles until the day that I die 🥹✊️

Okay I'll shut up now haha I hope I answered your question!! I'm glad you're enjoying my works 💕

[wordslikesilver]

A positive experience I really wanna share with y’all about being trans that I think is so so important to think about. So I’m white, very much from a well off background, all that, also trans so I have experienced plenty of frequent bigotry in my life. I’m doing my damnedest to be aware of and understand the concept of intersectionality and how different layers of identity add different types of privilege or burdens in our society. But you know what else life has taught me so much about as a trans woman? Community.

I’m wrapping up a treatment I’ve just given to an elderly black woman. She looks terribly disparaged at her phone. Ask her what’s up, she tells me oh it’s just there’s so many bigots online. I sit and with a long sigh and small smile I tell her, “yeah. Yeah I know. All too well.” She looks back at me and takes a moment to think then smiles and says “yeah, I suppose you would know.” I feel seen like never before by another person.

I’m at my darling wife’s new year’s celebration at her relatives’ place. We’re playing scattergories. She’s mixed race, lots of black relatives, someone brings up police in passing about something and me and one of her cousins at the same time roll our eyes and both say ACAB and go wide eyed looking at each other, smiling and laughing together about it. It’s a moment of like omg hell yes you totally get me, we know that same anger!

In a women’s space having some girl talk. We talk about makeup and clothes and love. Beauty standards, our bodies, anger, men, love. Cis women asking me tips on eyeliner. Sharing my knowledge and experiences growing as a man and living as a woman. Laughing together about how good it feels being a lesbian, how freeing it feels, how hard it can be. I don’t have periods, but neither does the woman who’s gone through menopause. I’m laughing with them about hot flashes and how miserable they can be. We talk about traveling on the subway, being catcalled, being harassed feeling unsafe. We’ve all been there. They too, are sisters to me.

I’m at a kink party. I’ve brought a bible for some funny impact play. I’m an ex catholic and I love me some heresy in the name of the lord. Emulating the disciplining of another queer person in attempt to cleanse them of sin, deriving pleasure from the ironic madness of the situation. An ex Muslim guy brings out his Quran and angrily reads passages about finding salvation in Allah at the sub we’re having fun with, joining in on the religious heresy. Later in the night, we talk about our experiences and relationships with our religious backgrounds, he’s telling me if he ever went home he’d be killed for his bisexuality. He scorns the radical Muslim faith as strongly as I loathe the radical Christian faiths of the US. We see eye to eye with each other, how of course it’s not all bad, but that doesn’t erase the bad either. I understand in that moment what feelings I didn’t recognize we both have felt caused by our own ways of life we were raised in. The similarities in spite of the world of differences.

I know, I’m just a white girl with a lot to learn in her life about philosophy and privilege and power and a million other little things that separate my experiences from those who’ve lived very, very different lives to me. I will never understand the experience of transmisogynoir and being a trans woman of colour. But that doesn’t mean I can’t empathize with aspects of it. That I cannot build community with them just the same as the people just like me. As I live and learn, I slowly become more aware of the experiences of black peoples, black women, black trans women. I become a more emotionally intelligent person, stumbling into moments like where I, a white trans woman and another, a black cis man, both recognize each other as fellows who’ve known the same pain even if for different reasons. It’s genuinely a favourite experience of mine. The community, the symmetry, the unexpected feelings of “Oh. I didn’t realize we’ve both felt that before. The world feels less lonely than ever, suddenly.” Communities are distinct from each other for experiences unique to them, of course! It’s so beautiful, the rainbow of differences between us all. It is also beautiful, discovering the natural bridges that connecting each other, bringing us together in unity, making us feel so much less isolated in this technicolor world. It’s truly a thing of beauty to me.

From the bottom of my heart, I’d love and appreciate it if folks would reblog/reply with similar experiences they’ve had to this, I think more than ever it is important for us to recognize how close we truly are with the wide and wonderful spectrum of other people around us, nurturing the unity that makes us all shine brighter and stand taller together. Moments where despite how different you were from another person, you could bond with them over experiences you had both lived through and could understand the feelings of. Moments where you found community where you never expected it <3

[trilobitepunch]

What are some of your favorite character relationships/dynamics in TMNT, and why? Is there anything that you particularly like seeing explored with them in fan works (art, writing, comics, etc)?

Awww I gotta get my brain into answer-questions-mode...

Le's see....

What I really love is the exploration of family bonds, especially in the last two show iterations for 2012 and 2018. The original 198something one didn't really seem to dip too much into it, from what I remember, anyway, and only in hindsight do I realize they didn't really seem very teenagerish either, or at least that aspect just seemed lost to me. It's been a bajillion years and I know I never watched its entirety. Not even touching the comics realm- no idea what's going on there.

I completely missed 2003, but 2012's version was the first one that made it clear that they were- aside from being mutants trained as ninja in the sewers by a rat father- teenagers who loved each other but also could be annoyed at each other and mad at each other, tease and fight but still remember who they are to each other by the end of things. I'll tell you now, I've never been a big romance-oriented person and I don't think those relationships in that show really added much to anything. Funny at times, amusing, yes, but that seemed to be about it. Friendship bonds can be just as strong and meaningful!

Where 2012 dipped into relations between the brothers, 2018 pushed it further. The lads were mostly on their own due to a negligent father, although this new aspect of Splinter was refreshing and I love the idea of all of them basically trying to find their way around things and this nebulous duty bound to their family. I love that April's become more of a big sister to them and still shares some bond even with Splinter, similar to 2012's for the whole master and student angle. I think her relationship with Donnie is a fun one, her go-to for technical issues, for hanging out and homework checks, but she's not afraid to speak her mind and set the boy right when his brain is working too much.

The layers and directions they take with each character just makes it a fun mix when they throw everything together. I love that they don't even outright hate the villains and some of the villains don't even know why they hate the turtles but hey! We'll fight 'em just cuz! Ahaha, these poor kids. I do have to add that I'm also glad that no one's overly lamented about the fact that they've been mutated in this show except for poor Splinter at first, but all the villains basically kinda vibe with it like 'oh, I guess this is how my life is now /shrug'.

I like Raph's self-instated role as the oldest to be the protector, and how he especially looks after Donnie when things get sweaty. Or tries to, anyway, look- his heart's in the right place, even if half the time he ends up smashing his squishy brother by accident. I like the competition that goes on between Mikey and Leo, whether it's just at who's better or who's right, it's a fun dynamic. Of course I love Leo and Donnie antics too, and even though there aren't too many, the implications that they have dove into many a hair-brained scheme is just too funny. ...just going to go through all of them I guess. I'M SORRY, THIS GOT SO LONG AGH Right, Mikey and Donnie, a classic team-up, I love that they support each other so much, and the chaos they can get up to. Even funnier, I love that they actually succeed most of the time. And then Mikey and Raph's little bro vs oldest bro dynamic, which is in a way the same as Leo and Raph in that they can see eye-to-eye and get along, but when they clash, they clash hard. Classic.

...sorry I'm still not done, one more section...!!

When it comes to fanworks, I just like to see more of what was set up in the shows and the movie, but I also like being pleasantly surprised by wild and creative takes now and then. It's like... the reason I RP a character is to get more story, to see how so-and-so goes through and deals with this situation or another, the friends and enemies they might make in a different setting or opportunity. Fanart has glimpses of such things, fanfics and comics explore them in depth. Y'all are amazing, for the record, just saying.

OKAY SHUTTING UP NOW, here's my term paper *hits submit*

[deadlykitten-404]

Okay im sure people have done this before, but its time to mash together the hyperfixations, here's my take on stp Princesses x tma Fears

Title explains it ig, but i just got through the episode where gerry explains the fears to jon, so i dont feel too spoiled to reference the wiki, so here's the fears i think each of the slay the princess routes align with/are avatars of

(for the sake of post length and potential spoilers, pairings are under the cut. also ive color coded them for fun and bc its easier for me to read, i apologize if its straining, i can remove it)

Chapter 2 Princesses:

Damsel - The Stranger - She seems normal, until you dig deeper into who "she" is, and she devolves into a more and more uncanny version of herself until she gets yoinked

Prisoner - The Lonely - This one is weird, because the Princess is pretty resigned in her fate, regardless of what route you take. Having said that, I was torn between Buried and Lonely, but ultimately chose Lonely since Prisoner isn't exactly worried about being trapped (she's okay with both being decapitated and with waiting it out). She feels more Lonely, since her instance is self-inflicted, she had to kill Quiet so they could move on, which in turn trapped her even more than Chapter 1.

Witch - The Desolation - This one is more emotional than Desolation is usually thought of, but the Witch is convinced that after Quiet's actions in Chapter 1 his only intention is to break her down further. Additionally, she's fine with killing him regardless of what that means for her because then it will feel like revenge (unless you guilt trip her lol)

Beast - The Hunt - This one's easy, her entire goal is to eat Quiet lol

Adversary - The Slaughter - This one was also difficult, since many of the Fears are tied to "senseless" killing, and Adversary just wants a good fight. She's more of a mma fighter than a murderer, but her main motivation is still murder, though definitely in more of a human way than an animalistic way, so she went to Slaughter.

Tower - The Web - Her entire thing is manipulation, she doesn't even want to bloody her own hands if she can help it.

Razor - The Slaughter - Unlike Adversary, Razor does find joy in senseless killing, so she fits right in with Slaughter (I did also consider Hunt, but her goal isn't it work down the player, just to stab him) (also this is applied to "No Way Out" and "The Empty Cup" since they're just continuations of Razor and not their own Princesses)

Stranger - The Spiral - i know, it seems like she would go to the Stranger, but she actually knows exactly who she is, just not why. In Chapter 1, she acts more like fractions of herself, her world descending into madness. Her madness leads her to not know who she is, not the other way around (if it was that would lend closer to Stranger).

Spectre - The Lonely - Spectre is one of the least aggressive, and doesn't really align with many of the other fears, but her personal fear is being trapped again after getting so close to getting out.

Nightmare - The Lonely - Like Spectre, her entire motivation is centered in being left behind after being teased with being released, her pre-death monologue is an increasingly more desperate "Let me out," scared of being left behind again (though her outward motivation aligns more with Slaughter, with wanting to spread fear and terror for fun).

Chapter 3 Princesses:

Grey (Burned) - The Desolation - Both for the fire aspect, and the bodily destruction. Burned Grey doesn't really have much malice, but the only thing that she knows is to destroy to try to get what she wants

Grey (Drowned) - The Vast - Unfortunately there isn't really a Fear connected to revenge, so Vast works best with Drowned Grey since its connected to deep ocean. Ironically, it's one of the shallower connections, but Drowned Grey is made up of layers of frustration, betrayal, and anger, which is more like sadness than fear (although she is more unsettling than Burned Grey).

Thorn - The Buried - Thorn is also tricky, since at this point she's basically just tired, not scared or threatening. I've given her to Buried since she is physically trapped, and wants to get out but doesn't trust the Quiet to actually let her out because of their rocky past.

Wild - The Eye - Wild is really the only one that doesn't quite align with a Fear. I was going to assign her to Vast, since Shifty describes her as endless, but I settled on Eye since she is inherently non-aggressive, knows more because she's one with Quiet, and can locate the Narrator when the others aren't aware of him. I guess she also aligns with Slaughter since the only thing she expresses fear of is pain, but a few others get Slaughter, so I've given her to the Eye.

Den - The Hunt - Just like the Beast, but even more. She's only an animal at this point, and her only goal is to kill and eat.

The Eye of the Needle - The Slaughter - Like the Den, (and Razor, to a more direct extent), Needle is an expansion of Adversary, so her goal doesn't change, she's just more focused. This form fits Slaughter a bit more though, since there are some routes where she'll attack you outright.

Fury - The Desolation - Though Fury is also an extension of Adversary, she's more concerned with the means of death than the actual killing (I'm also not keeping her under Web, since she is now going for Quiet directly instead of trying to manipulate him). She doesn't just want to kill Quiet, she wants it to hurt.

Apotheosis - The Web - Unlike Fury, Apotheosis gets to keep Web since she isn't concerned about killing Quiet, but she does now have infinite power. Also potentially The Vast, but that's purely because of her physical size.

Wraith - The Web - While Adversary has the emotional manipulation, Wraith has the physical manipulation. (I also considered The End because I hadn't assigned any Princesses to The End, but this was purely because she's a skeleton, so if you want a Princess a Fear, feel free to associate her with The End).

The Moment of Clarity - The Lonely - Like her prior counterparts, Clarity just craves companionship so inherently that her fear leads her to violence.

Well, that's all of them! To anyone that read through this, thanks! Might end up doing this with the Voices as well, though they would likely end up just aligning with whatever Fear is assigned to the Princess that causes them.

Of the Princesses (to me), none align with The Corruption (though the devs did say that the Stranger started as a bug princess, so i guess she's Corruption in spirit), The Dark, The End, or The Flesh.

[emotionally-charged-arson]

A Very, Very Unfinished Pile of Theory of Everything Headcanons (Ayreon)

Last semester, my English final was a presentation relating the overall theme of the Forever saga to that of the more popular works of H.G. Wells. Details of that argument aside, the thesis was that Ayreon’s emotional core was the presence of small-scale acts of love juxtaposed against large-scale existential tragedy, balanced in their individual power. That we are messy and self-destructive, and in the grand scheme of things we mean very little in the universe, but we are resilient and alive and human and that has to be worth something.

I really like this aspect of the main story, and it got me a perfect score on that assignment. It had a ten minute time limit and I was fighting for my life to stay under it. While I was downsizing the script, I couldn’t help but think of an earlier idea I had drafted about how The Theory of Everything on its own was a really incredible example of the mad scientist archetype turned completely on its head (it was a science-fiction analysis class). Specifically how that script was almost three times longer than the original H.G. Wells one, that took me a solid twenty minutes to read aloud. 

I literally wrote an hour long lecture about The Theory of Everything. No headcanons. No extra theories. Literally just picking apart its canon plot. 

I think this is why I have so little extra writing for it. The story as its given is airtight and just…fucking incredible. Arjen wrote it with a very clear theme in mind like he did with Transitus, but TToE isn’t missing half of its story because he couldn’t pull in the cash to make a movie out of it. You can feel the intention behind every single character, they feel like real people, it has so many layers to it and it is literally, objectively, the greatest prog album ever made. Fight me. 

But anyways: For lack of better phrasing, there isn’t much to “fix” in that sense. Almost all the headcanons I have for The Source or Transitus boil down to a few things:

I was being self-indulgent with a favorite character and it snowballed into a genuinely informative trait/subplot that informs the main story (a certain hc I have where Henry just fucking shoots Daniel in the back by mistake sometime between Two Worlds and Talk of the Town, turning into this weirdly effective commentary of how Daniel is conditioned to his brother’s shitty behavior and Abby hauling ass to get him out of that headspace)

I am curious about aspects of an album’s worldbuilding and get a little excited while filling in the blanks that were perfectly fine being left alone (doing mental gymnastics trying to build a version of The Source where these five academics, three politicians, two religious figures, one robot and one random spaceman viably know each other)

The rarer option that I am genuinely disappointed by how a part of the story was handled and completely ignore this small part of canon to make the overall story be more effective. Or attempt it, at least (Lavinia’s entire character undermining Transitus’ themes and her contradicting her own motivations, and me, in turn, just writing her character from scratch while keeping with the basic story beats [her seeing ghosts, doing shady shit with Henry, etc.])

But with TToE I’ve felt very little need to do any of these. If I were to really dive into it with intention I think I would start building off of the whole bank robbery plot in Phase III (just a slightly weirdly framed plot point for me), but I haven’t thought about it. It’s not that glaring of an issue and there’s few other places in the story where I think adding anything would make it more effective. 

This isn’t to say that Transitus and The Source are objectively worse in any sense, but they leave a lot more up to interpretation, allowing me to write so many add ons that they become structured and essential to each other’s function. 

It’s fun with those two albums. With TToE I really have to look for cracks to fill and it’s kind of useless. 

Not entirely, though. I’ve got a few hcs, and maybe they’ll warrant dozens of google doc pages of context one day like the other two albums: 

Two central things sparked curiosity. Setting, and how the parent characters came to hate each other that much. Naturally. 

This started four-ish years ago when I was pacing around my parents’ house with TToE on the mind (as it often is), and my brother put on this show called His Dark Materials. I watched the intro to it all of one time and just…knew this was the aesthetic TToE should have.🔗 At least combined with dark academia. It’s an album about physics and ghosts, that seems reasonable enough. 

…funnily enough, as I later found out, His Dark Materials itself has a very dark-academia-esque vibe, and the plot is entirely based upon the intersectionality between science and mysticism and trivial human attempts to make sense of it. 

So. Pretty fitting. 

This really stuck with me, and a handful of the characteristics of the show and books became the basis for the way I picture The Theory of Everything. Mainly the visual aesthetic, like I said, but also the fact that the story starts at a parallel version of Oxford University. I don’t have some giant case study for this like with Transitus/New England. I just think it’d be a cool and vibey setting. Maybe it’s the American in me but there’s something about a thousand-year-old college with a campus made of literal goddamn castles that borders on the fantastic. 

From there, you have a decent excuse for The Prodigy to run off to Ireland, where you can choose from one of like 200 different pretty little isolated lighthouses for him to lose his mind in, far enough away for him not to be found as long as he did. Not to mention it lowkey matches with the overt Celtic influence of the music. Or Scotland, if you want some weather symbolism from the North Sea. 

Solid setting, if I say so myself, and it actually influenced the family’s whole situation. Here, The Father (Mike) is a physics professor at Oxford, and The Mother (Cristina) is the director of the Bodleian Library. It’s how and where they meet in 1991 (though the mother is in an attendant position at the time), as shown by the only part of this I have drawn out:

They hit it off, and marry in 1993. Their first and only child is born two years later and they love him half to death. Everything is more or less nice and normal. 

In 1996, Mike stumbles into “proof,” more or less, of the theory of everything being a singular, solvable equation through his work, practically by accident, and begins focused work on it with enthusiastic support from his wife. Life is going great, Cristina is promoted and the two are balancing things well enough. 

The boy shows little to no social development into his toddler years, but his parents don’t think much of it. His father was similar at his age; they’re not worried. They even go as far to say he’ll turn out just as ambitious and smart as his dad and relatives, coworkers and family friends go along with it, setting insanely high expectations for this literal three year old. Mike keeps working on his theory. 

The boy enters preschool at age four; still no improvement. Just isolates himself and draws indiscernible patterns on everything you put in front of him. His parents finally try to intervene to some degree, hiring private instructors and talking with some other psych/child development people they know through the university, to no avail. Nothing changes. He just stares off into space, doesn’t interact with any of them and supposedly doesn’t pay attention to lessons. He still isn’t speaking. Cristina is finally concerned

Around the same time, Mike makes a significant breakthrough in his work, gaining worldwide attention. He receives massive grants from in and outside of Oxford to continue his work, and quits his teaching job to make more time for the endeavor. Cristina is left as the family’s sole provider. She understands and is in agreement on that decision, that’s not the problem yet. The problem is that Mike is becoming more or less indifferent to their son hits five, not seeing any previously projected greatness he was supposed to have in his father’s footsteps. Cristina, much more conscious of balance in her life and how having kids works, isn’t sure what to make of that. Their relationship starts to strain. 

From there, as Mike keeps working, Cristina takes the kid to all sorts of specialists around England but none of them can pinpoint what’s “wrong” with him. She tries much more actively to connect with him like they’re telling her to (though she still enrolls him in the university’s affiliated primary school program, against their suggestions), bringing him everywhere. Buys him little memory games since that’s all that seems to hold his attention. She’s past any belief of him being some secret genius like his dad, not that her opinion of her husband is super positive at this point anyway. She’s just dead-set on her son having some sense of normal in his life. 

By 2002, Mike has completely secluded himself and works nearly constantly. He has made no progress on his theory since 1999 and the fame garnered from his breakthrough has faded. The family is running out of money and Cristina is exhausted. The boy is ostracized at school and still (almost) totally nonverbal. Her coworkers keep suggesting these weird holistic remedies that she refuses. She knows better than to fall for all that new age, pyramid scheme bullshit. 

The son’s condition, whatever it is, worsens until mom, desperate, puts her foot down in 2008 (or “gives up,” if you wanna put it like that) and drags her husband and son to this private practice in Scotland she was told about by a friend, suspicious but ready to put up with anything at this point. 

😐👍

[ca-suffit]

I don't get why some people refuse to accept that Louis was abused. Him having been a victim to Lestat doesn't negate his grief. He's clearly still grieving Claudia, and from what we can tell of S2, we WILL see that too. No one is saying he's a saint either - he did fail Claudia. Him being a victim doesn't overshadow his grief or make him a saint.

And as you said, this isn't just some cheap story of abuse for shock value either. I wrote a whole wall of text about the complexities and layers of the abuse here but that would have been too long of an ask ajdhwj. Basically, there's the race aspect (which converses with the other aspects), there's that Louis couldn't leave him for many, many reasons, there's the emotional aspect, there's the power aspect (in more than one way)... I'm probably missing something, but this is very good portrayal of abuse and also something that happens irl.

This is also something that loustat will have to touch on in the future and will make for a very interesting story (again, as you said).

His arc is different in the book because the show has a different version of Louis with added struggles that book Louis didn't have (mostly due to his race and era, but also the dynamic that is shown with him and Lestat, if I remember the book correctly - partly also due to the former). Grief is still a part of his story, though.

Sorry for the long ask, it's just that reading that really made me go "??"

thank u for all of this!! I am not ignoring all u wrote but I wanted to elaborate on one point specifically tho and it's gonna be long. thank u for everything u wrote in full tho, I appreciate it. "I don't get why some people refuse to accept that Louis was abused."

they did it when he was white. it's because he's black now and lestat remains white. the vampires mention shit like slavery outright to each other when it's all white ppl, but it suddenly holds a LOT more weight once u make the "fledgling" a black person. AMC has done nothing but enhance what was already there, ppl just don't want to empathize with a black man.

anne rice fans are not critical thinkers but they like to think they are because they're proud they read a lot of books at prbly young ages. books they felt were rly "adult" and "mature." they've never grown up and taken a second look. anne rice's encouragement of parasocial relationships made that worse too. most of these ppl can't separate themselves from these characters and now feel bad seeing themes brought more to the surface about these relationships. they have to blame the writers and keep looking stupid instead of getting some self-awareness.

I know the fight does not happen in the books but I've seen enough passages from book IWTV to know physical and emotional violence between louis and lestat is v common. I've seen parts of lestat's books too where he's also violent to other partners. it's in the character, they've just been too busy wanting to fuck him the whole time to notice ig. that's what it is too. lots of this before the show was a sexy game to ppl and now they're mad u have to think about the story and consequences for things so much, mainly in ways that interfere with lighthearted shipping stuff. anne rice didn't ever talk about anything in depth so they're used to having awareness of topics but never exploring them. they feel stupid in many, many ways now and somehow that's everyone's fault but their own. it's practically *two years in* and they're still doing all this instead of doing some self-reflection. they keep reapplying the clown paint and then want to say it's ppl like me "ruining" it for others here like that's even remotely true lol.

anyways, u are welcome to visit my inbox any time and write whatever u want on this btw! I'd luv to hear it all.

[femmeroi]

You SHOULD talk about Manjoume Jun's queerness, he's an icon and that's an essay I'd love to read

I SHOULD !!! Jun is my (4th) favourite nasty dude hes so hes so hes o so so so. His gender game is so immaculate and he is only maybe a he/they on a good day. He’s playing 5d gender chess in a uno world. He has so many layers even he isn’t ready to pull them all back yet. His he/him pronouns are an unanswered prayer. He pays child support for masculine terms, they're all he has left after the divorce. I think he always has one foot in the closet, I don’t think he ever really got over his brother's abuse, and if he didn't have friends like Fubuki he’d never accept himself. Even when he accepts himself it's in a very limited way. He's flamboyant, he's unapologetic, he's afraid. To ME he is a nonbinary trans woman gay man, he's a faggot woman, and I think that's beautiful. 

GX as a whole can be read in a very queer way when you consider the ties between familial relationships, duel spirit relationships, and personal acceptance. This tie is most obvious in Jun, who has a solid and obvious arc centering these three aspects. Even then, I feel like people often misinterpret or waterdown his. Everything.

Under the read more is a very long breakdown of my thoughts. If something doesn't make sense, sorry, I have divine madness and a fever.

I’m going to start off with his family, everyone knows them, everyone hates them, and everyone misunderstands them. People often fall into the belief that after his duel with Chosaku, Jun obtained some kind of absolute freedom from his family, often even saying he cut them off. I don’t believe this is entirely correct or incorrect, it’s a belief that's in the right direction while missing the nuance of his situation. Jun’s familial arc isn't about severing ties or escaping abusive structures, it’s about easing the pain by gaining respect. Jun still has a role within the Manjoume Group after his duel with Chosaku, the difference is that after their duel he got their trust. It’s with that trust he got a semblance of freedom, and I believe people often conflate that freedom with absolute liberation.

Jun still works for his family, he is still under their influence, they are just more hands off about it now than before. I say this because his role in the Manjoume Group clearly means a lot to Jun, this is seen through his displays of wealth and his insistence to be called “Manjoume” long after everyone is on a first name basis. He's even seen using the Manjoume Groups money and name to renovate facilities within the school, and if you think that's something an estranged family would allow I have. Serious questions. Like what's your estranged parents credit card number. His connection to the Manjoume Group is only reinforced in season four, where his intention isn’t to get away from his family rather it is to prove himself worthy to his family. His role in the Manjoume Group is also recognized by other characters, which shows that even publicly he is affiliated with them.

All that said, Jun’s brothers are still extremely controlling and abusive people. My dearest mutual (also the very person to send the ask. Hi friend <3) Ren Krakenshaped said one of the minor themes of GX is, “[The] negative influences in your childhood [and how they] can affect you liberating yourself from those negative influences.” I absolutely love the way they worded it and I can’t agree more. I’m putting this here not just to hype her up but also to expand on it in relation to Jun. While I believe Jun's familial arc isn't about absolute liberation, he still gets a semblance of freedom as I mentioned before. He's able to use the cards he wants and he has less pressure to be absolutely perfect, but he still acts as a representative for his family.

The pressure he's under is still present, showing itself in a lesser way through his self-deprecating comments, inferiority complex, and his fear of failure. I think it's important for people to recognize the presence and control that the Manjoume Group still has on him even after his moment of “liberation” against Chosaku. Not everyone can and not everyone will escape the negative influences in their life. There's a lot that can be done with the balance Jun has achieved with his family, but he still does have to play by their rules. 

Now that I got the familial situation outlined, it’s time to talk about his duel spirits ! And I promise I WILL bring this all around to his queerness. I prommy. Hold on with me for another couple hundred words. Unlike Johan, Yusuke, and Judai, Jun didn't have some innate connection to duel spirits. His ability to see and interact with the spirits appeared later in life, more specifically during the worst part of his life up to that point. Jun was under pressure to be the perfect child, and then he got demoted from the Obelisk Blue dorms, and then he got stranded at sea, and then his deck got stolen. And at some point in all of that, he started seeing duel spirits.

I think two things were integral to his awakening, the first was his need to grow as a duelist, and the second was isolation. His need for growth comes from him failing to live up to his family's name, but the growth itself happens when his family is absent. After getting stranded at sea, Jun had no line of communication with his brothers, and he didn’t regain communication with them until he went back to the Central Duel Academia campus. On top of that the people in North Academy seem not to know- or care in case of the headmaster- about Jun’s family name. With this Jun is temporarily freed from the expectations his family and peers place onto him- and instead he is able to focus on growing in his own way. It’s at the North Academy Jun is able to solidify his persona, and it’s at the North Academy he is able to start building his own deck instead of using whatever his family provides.

His individualism and desperation leads him to Ojama Yellow, his need to keep his family life and dueling life separate leads him to the other two Ojama brothers, and his first steps in the professional field created the card Pride Shout. His growth as a duelist, and his relationship with his spirit partners, is linked to the distance he has from his family. His communication with duel spirits, while a physical reality in the show, also functions as a device to show Juns road to self actualization as he comes to terms with his own identity.

And then we get to the actual treatment of his duel spirits. It's made clear through the anime that he does like his duel spirits, and that they know it. He has several decks, not because he's some great duelist like Daichi, but because he cares for the spirits attached to them. And if a card has no purpose he will make them one- either through strategy or by making a whole new card out of pure will.

Despite all this, hes a fucking asshole to his duel spirits. He writes on their cards, he yells at them, he hits them, he throws them in the dirt. While a lot of this behavior is easy to write off as “typical tsundere Jun” or as a gag, I can't help but wonder what's so different between Fubuki, for example, and Ojama Yellow. They're both flamboyant, loud, and annoying. Maybe it's because Ojama Yellow is pathetic. Then what's the difference between Fubuki and the Dark Scorpions ? As a duelist, the decks function as an extension of his character, and his fate more often than not relies on their performance. All things considered, he should be treating them with respect.

I think, specifically for his deck, his distaste comes from the fact that they are an extension of him. Not because he has a horrifying inferiority complex, but because the spirits then function as a part of his identity that he can not control. He can choose the cards in his deck, for the most part, but he can not make the cards act in any specific way. And I don't necessarily think he wants to control how the spirits act, instead he happened to meet them during a time he had no semblance of control after spending years of his life curating a very specific image for himself and he had a hard time coping with the fact that everything he worked for may very well disappear soon if he doesnt start acting in a specific way once again. This is also why he starts being nicer to his cards in season four, the moment he gets his identity back, the moment he has a direction in life, he calls Ojama Yellow his ace. Love !

So like. Why did I say all of that ? Well, I feel like outlining how his familial relationship actually works and how he manages things like duel spirits is really important to understanding how he’d approach a queer identity- and thanks to bandit Keith homophobia is ambiguously cannon and I’m going to accept all the baggage that comes with. I see a lot of queer readings of Jun’s journey begin and end with Chosaku’s duel, or be reduced to “well the card's name is Pride Shout.” And that’s. Not it. To me, Jun’s queer journey never did begin. Not on the outside at least. The duality between his flashy attire and self image issues, the contrast between his free going deck and his need to uphold the family name, the lingering control that the Manjoume group has on him through Chosaku and through public perception, it all just feels so closeted to me. I love that Jun was able to find a part of himself, but he was never able to fully embrace it out of shame until the very last duel of his. I love how he holds onto fear even after that moment. I love how much Jun does without actually doing, I love how he found a way to be himself despite living under his family's expectations, I love how genuinely stifling it is for him, I love how he never stops trying anyway. I think his character is best served in the closet, I think he needs to leave his family, but I dont think it's that easy for him. It's really hard to grow past the negative influences in your life when you set them as your goal.

Anyway nonbinary trans woman gay man Manjoume Jun realness !

[acourtofquestions]

I keep on thinking about the “You left me” scene…

As painful as it is (and NOT one of Rowan & Aelin’s finer or healthiest moments; probably one of if not my LEAST favorite for them) there is something so guttural, telling, & crucial beneath the surface. … Especially the more I analyze many aspects of this VERY layered scene…

So, let’s break it down:

Now this may be my own abandonment issues talking😅but as someone that knows I see this argument (as drastically different as they sound) as two sides of the same coin (as Rowaelin often/always is) both sides rooted in abandonment issues & a consequential fear of love/the loss of it; hence ending up in one of two responses (even in a situation as seemingly ‘simple’ as this; triggering) either: clinging to someone with everything you have, begging, fighting, desperately trying to stop it from happening again. Or being the one to leave so you are not the one left saying “I didn’t care anyway” so you don’t have to feel like you lost anything to begin with.

… Sound familiar? It’s what’s happening here.

Unfortunately, this is one of the moments where these two are too much alike; it’s triggering them both (two people who can go from 0-180 & when it comes to flight or fight triggers are very prone to fight) they are arguing with themselves & their own fear/self-loathing more than each-other (thus hitting exactly where it hurts; because they are hurting themselves; for Rowan it’s punishment through self-sabotage, for Aelin it’s proving she’s unworthy of anyone’s care even someone who could be cruel to her) while also simultaneously using it as a form of ‘self-protection’ (they are trying not to care (further mad at themselves for already caring) & terrified for the other because every person they love has left; loving them feels like a death sentence & they have to protect the other by making themselves unlovable; before they get hurt again).

For Aelin, it’s a last resort; fear is a crucial part of her mindset, (upbringing), & survival. She lives in fight or flight, fawn or freeze, (leaning towards the natural inclination of the first latters) this is her fighting, desperately clawing (like a wounded animal), & on her last leg; because if he cannot choose her, cannot stay, will not; if as she describes, “She didn't know why it happened, because she had been so dead set on hating him, but... it would have been nice, she supposed. It would have been nice to have one person who knew the absolute truth about her--and didn't hate her for it. It would have been really, really nice.” If he who knows her unlike anyone ever has or could (from best to worst) has seen it all and found nothing there worthwhile then how can she possibly argue that with herself/anyone? Right then, you see how little she cares for herself (how she stays even when it’s hurting her because she doesn’t know anything else (how would she?) & because she believes every word of it (he doesn’t realize until later just how much she meant every word; because he didn’t, not fully at least, not in the same way she did). She feels that she has “nowhere else to go” because as she said “I have no one left. No one.”) you see how desperate she is for an end to the same trapping heartbreak that keeps repeating again & again. & If she loses him than there is truly nothing left. She is drowning, and this is all of it catching up to her at once — she’s screaming at him as much as everyone she’s ever lost — she’s pleading with Sam to let her look out for him, screaming at Chaol to let her in to trust her (& be worthy of his trust) so she could’ve saved Nehemia; an extremely raw wound (as shown in the broken echoing words she finally gives voice to in the next chapter), screaming at Nehemia for choosing to leave her, at Arobynn for betraying her (even if she can’t admit it yet, unleashing one begins unleashing them all) screaming at the very universe itself (the world that already broke every ‘natural’ promise; stolen all the ones she wasn’t ‘supposed’ to lose) screaming for her parents, her Aedion, her kingdom, herself. — At herself for not being able to save them, to stop it, to be fast enough- -to be enough. And begging for it, for anyone- -anything not to take this too because this is a final breaking for her.

& For Rowan, this feels like a loaded gun. It's his connection to her (despite his trying & denying it; he realizes it had already become a relationship & not just to him but to her) it’s him screaming “You are nothing to me, and I do not care.” to try and make it true because after centuries of not caring about anything or anyone (of feeling only ice), of not having anyone care (or need him for that matter; he’s realizing for better or worse she does)… Here it is (someone who cares & someone who needs him; someone who he cannot turn away because she can bear all of his ice & still understand him; he hates her for it, he hates himself for it “There is nothing that I can give to you. Nothing I want to give to you.”)… Here she is… Begging him to stay (just like Lyria), wanting him to stay (something he does not feel he deserves — “Aelin, you deserve better than this-than me.” — & is trying to prove to her as protection & punishment; to be the monster), caring enough about him to want him to stay in the first place (something he truly thinks they are better off without; he's reminding himself as much as warning her when he says, “The people you love are just weapons that will be used against you”— another key word will —he believes it all is already inevitably doomed. So, while she is desperately giving a last try, he has already given up on trying.) He is a wild animal trapped into a corner; if she cares—if he cares; because it will end (she will leave; because she is capable & will learn & be back on her way, gone again while he will still be stuck with Maeve the same as before (he twists it to sound different but the meaning is the same when he says, “the sooner I can be rid of you”.); or worse she may very well get herself killed (the way she’s going) the way he knows why, (why do you think he spends so much time trying to get her to fight for her own life?- -To scare her, provoke her, anger her- -anything to shake her from her stupor… he says as much later on “You're learning.” “You get baited by me every now and then, too, you know.” He gave her a look that said, I let you bait me, in case you haven't noticed."… anything to make her make it out alive) & he has not helped that either because he can’t help himself. So, either way, he feels stuck in the same mistake again & again; is he failing her the same as he did Lyria? Is he failing Lyria by repeating it (worse; is he betraying Lyria in the fact he may care for someone else?) — if he is, how does he survive that?). … He has been trying to tell himself 'she's just another soldier', yet, here he is again raw with Gavriel tattooing even more names of grief (because 'just a soldier' doesn't make it hurt less). & She is not just another soldier; he (an ‘all-knowing-immortal’) was wrong; he is missing something about her (this “girl” doesn’t add up; this fight doesn’t add up) & He is feeling the weight of every mistake; even as he makes another one; to hurt her now thinking; it’s better than getting her killed, (it’s better than him caring & losing her) It’s what he ‘deserves’ (he hates himself for it, even as he breaks her heart; it’s why he says, “and for a heartbeat he hoped she’d left, if only so he didn’t have to face what he’d said yesterday.” because he knew he was wrong & he hated himself for it; he does it to punish himself as much as to protect himself & her). It's his last attempt at pushing her away (and ultimately the one that makes him realize he cannot).

It's not an excuse, but it is a reason. One that makes sense the more I read, re-read, & continue the series. This fight is in some ways their first real fight; because they are both vulnerable because this is more than a biting surface (because they have always been more than that). And it forces them to realize & reconcile; to go to their true worst until there is nothing left but to piece together something else.

For two people so fearful & without option they needed to hit the rock bottom together; to have no doubt that they were chosen at their true worst; to learn almost losing the other did not leave them better off; & know that they cannot turn away, & will not because if it would have happened, it would have been then (& there is no more point in being afraid anymore; it is too late to take back what’s been forged; “Something molten rushed through her, pouring over every crack and fracture still left gaping and open. Not to hurt or mar--but to weld.”)… Without it Rowan would never have checked himself, he would have trained her on nothing more than begrudging orders of Maeve, & he would never have cared to ask or learn more… She would have either bet everything on him & thrown herself into another relationship to outrun everything else, & end up broken again because she cannot learn to sit with (nor accept) herself. She was forced to pick life or endless nothing, to stop freezing or fawning or running, to care & fight for it; & find something more worth fighting for (to accept her anger & also learn to be more than just angry) To let it out & let go; to stop drowning on the words that have been suffocating her for months; to stop being afraid to say them. … And while they cannot quite say all those words; I’m sorry, I care about you… They can know they won’t say the other again… They are not expected to be more than they can give. There is finally an understanding (the start of a friendship… & maybe ‘more than’ friends) because they stop running from it & instead run in headfirst. … Through the most dividing thing they are finally not alone. The final stand stands. There is no more fight against each-other. It cannot get worse, they can survive it, and now they are really what they are.

[ga-yuu]

Can you please tell me what are the things that you like about every suitor on ikemen genjiden

There are so many things I like about the characters. Let's keep their characters' designs aside for now because they are all beautiful.

Yoritomo

I'm usually not into the Cybird's 'black haired first male leads' most of the time. I like them, but they're not in my most fav character of all times (except for Ray and Yoritomo)

Yoritomo...I never really thought that I would end up loving him this much. Mostly due to the fact that his personality is wholesome.

Yoritomo is a sadistic person who loves bullying others just for fun. He enjoys making fun of and teases everyone he thinks have the cutest reactions.

But at the same time, he creates opportunity for the people around him to grow and develop. This can be seen in several instances in his route, where Yoshino would have a problem and Yoritomo would create an opportunity for her to grab instead of actually helping her. This is done so that, Yoshino becomes independent rather than relying on him all the time.

It's cute and I love it. It adds a layer of kindness to his personality that I can't help but pout and puff my cheeks because I can't get mad at him for bullying me because there is always this kindness in his teasing words.

Also his voice actor....perfect casting! I don't think anyone other than Jun Fukuyama can bring out the mean condescending as well as the caring personality of Yoritomo.

Kagetoki

I'm usually not a fan of megane characters because I think all of them act the same. They all have whips in their hand and always use 'watashi' when referring to themselves.

I just think they all are same (I may be a racist in this aspect but there are exceptions to this. I love Sasuke and Kagetoki too. I don't hate megane-s. I'm just neutral about them).

Kagetoki is a character that keeps the same sadistic aspect of what I mentioned above about all the megane characters.......but while also being hilarious.

I think I really enjoy the Kagetoki as a side character in other routes rather than a male lead. I love how hilarious this guy can be given the right timing and circumstances.

I love how on the surface he's very hard-working, talented strategist with great work ethic, strict, mean, straight faced etc etc etc... but when you learn about him on a much personal level, he's just a guy you can't take care of himself. He can't clean his room, he always needs someone besides him to remind him to eat his food or else he will die, he sucks at playing biwa but still keeps a straight-face, he destroys his food by drowning everything with his sweet syrup. This is the side that I love about him. This flawed side. This makes him look more approachable and friendly.

Morinaga

A person that I would most likely avoid irl because of his very high out-going personality is little overwhelming for me. But in-game, he's very interesting.

I think Morinaga is likeable in general because of his friendly and kind personality. He's that one guy who brings everyone together and also the guy who easily gets along with everyone.

I think Morinaga's character got a little more depth after the introduction of Sueharu. We got to see another side of Morinaga. His arrogant side.

Before Sueharu, I always thought that Morinaga is generally a good person who is always born lucky and the only bad thing about him is he is into gambling. But after Sueharu introduction, we got to see an arrogant side of Morinaga.

Morinaga is also a flawed character. Things always works for him. But on the off chance when it doesn't, he gets curious as to why it didn't go as planned. I think, this character is an example of 'don't judge a book by its cover.'

Shigehira

Our typical tsundere.

There is nothing to hate about him. He's very sweet and caring.

I also get why everyone just loves to tease him. Shigehira is such a good boy and is always serious, the other characters simply loves to annoy him to get reactions and Shigehira falls for it, all the time.

Also his attempts to look beefy like Morinaga and Benkei, is very funny.

Yoshitsune

Yoshitsune has a child-like innocent personality and I love that. Also he's voiced by Ishida Akira, who is a legend! Perfect casting! (Look, Ikegen has a pretty stacked cast of VAs. They are all perfectly casted! No doubt!! You can't change my mind!)

Yoshitsune was the one who made me download this game. I thought he was beautiful and after playing the game I was like - "This game.....is EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR!!!!" so for that, "Thank you, Yoshi."

Another fact that I learned about Yoshitsune is that, this guy has a major inferiority complex towards his brother. He keeps comparing himself to Yoritomo because he looks up to him and wants to be like him. And Yoritomo has to constantly tell him to not be like him and appreciate his own qualities.

I also like the fact that, Yoshitsune is the only one who can bring out Yoritomo's vulnerable side all the time. No one else, not even Yoshino can make Yoritomo feel vulnerable and weak. It's only Yoshitsune. Another layer of complexity in their relation, which I adore!! It feels like their relationship is genuinely special rather than just another pair of brothers.

Benkei

There is nothing much complex about Benkei's character. What you see, is what he actually is.

He's very likable. He very caring about everyone. He cooks food, takes care of you if you're sick, very straightforward....perfect husband material. His overprotective trait is also cute.

Yoichi

According to me, I think the reason why Yoichi is so interesting and loveable, has to be because of his VA. I think Ryouta Suzuki is a very talented voice actor. He actually made Yoichi very cute and charismatic at the same time that it's crime!

I am a person, who despise characters that talks in 3rd person with a passion. I find them incredibly annoying in japanese, it's 10 times awkward and annoying when translated to english and it sounds so fake! But Yoichi......All credit goes to his VA! He made this character very lovable.

I think Yoichi's charm point is that he's an old man who is very sarcastic and carefree about everything while also being cute and not annoying. Yoichi is like an old man in young man's body. He's 30, but people always makes fun for his baby face. Yoichi speaks in 3rd person, but it's done in away as if he is mocking himself for being cute. His VA delivers that tone perfectly.

If you look at the VAs interviews, Ryouta Suzuki said that he had tried different voices for Yoichi from cute to a much more manly one and in the end he settled with the tone we have in-game. It's perfect. I think no one can be as cute and as manly as Yoichi. That's his identity. I don't think any other character can have the same charm without being annoying.

Sueharu

I never thought I would end up liking Sueharu so much. I don't like characters who are categorized as 'flirts' because they're kinda cringe. Everytime I see a flirt male lead flirting with mc, I roll my eyes hard because I just don't really fall for it and I don't understand why is mc blushing.

Sueharu's flirting is kinda cringe and a little too cheesy....but instead of rolling my eyes, like I usually do, I end up chuckling. Like a small chuckle. As if I've given up. I've surrendered!

I don't know why, I just feel Sueharu is very innocent-looking. Especially when he smiles. You can't convince me otherwise! Sueharu has the best smile!

Also after playing his route, I learned so much about him which is good. I'm happy that they kept so much locked behind his main route rather than throwing hints here and there.

Overall, Sueharu is pretty interesting character in general, who also gave depth to Morinaga's character.

Yasuchika

I kid you not! I hated this character so much at the beginning of this game! Before the 3 new male leads were introduced, Yasuchika was the main antagonist of this game and he was annoying af!

Very annoying that I was so sure that I wasn't going to play his route when it comes out even if his backstory is sad. That's how much I hated this character. But..........cybird slapped me right in the face for thinking that.

Cybird introduced Akihito and that right there was the only thing that needed to redeem Yasuchika's character. Akihito's introduction, saved Yasuchika's character (at least for me, I don't know what the other players thought)

Introduction of Akihito and his relation with Yasuchika, really made sense for Yasuchika's actions. Before this, Yasuchika kept doing evil things just because. There was no real reason and it was very frustrating to see him all the time when he shows up. But now after Akihito and knowing their backstory, I started really liking Yasuchika as a character. Their relationship plus Ibuki, is so twisted but charming at the same point, it's like the game is at it's peak! It's really beautiful and one of the reasons why I highly recommend people to play this game! I can see that the writers really gave it their all when coming up with their story and it's also one most liked backstory by the JP players as well. It really redeemed Yasuchika and now, all I see his fanart on X. Yet I still don't get why he's not No. 1 during the anniversary election.

Akihito

I have already said everything about this man. I love him!!!! I LOVE HIM in general!!!

I love him because he's so handsome!

I love him because he's so elegant!

I love him because he's so sophisticated.

I love him because he's so mischievous!

I love him because he's so evil!

I love him because of his backstory with both Yasuchika and his dad!

I love his chemistry with Yoshino!

I love his route!

I love that he made a deal with the Demon King!

I love that his hair turns blonde!

I love that he can use thunder in addition to Kotodama!

I love that he's the Emperor!

I love that he can play drums and Ibuki dances to it!

I love that we can write poems!

I love that he has a bird named Ruri and she's blue!

I love that he climbs roofs and jumps on trees while wearing that elegant long ass kimono that collects dusts from floor!

I love his awkward relationship with Yasuchika!

I also love his voice actor! Perfect casting!!!!

Tamamo

Tamamo is beautiful. I know that, but like Kagetoki, I love Tamamo as a comic relief character more than a male lead.

He's mischievous, he likes food, he causes chaos around the household if he gets bored, he sometimes transforms into a mommy to sabotage Yoritomo's important meetings and seduce the guests for no reason, he hates dogs especially Azukichi. I love how he knows the fact that he is beautiful and always flexes his beauty in front of everyone. I also love scenes where he gather people to join his 'Yoshino's Chastity Protection Squad' and Shigehira is a member by default.

I really enjoy Tamamo in other male lead's route rather than his own.

Kurama

I love Kurama because he is an example of 'You cannot use your own childhood trauma or abuse as a justification for abusing someone else'.

I've seen fictional characters where they are like 'I can't stop myself from hurting you because I was abused by my mother/father when I was a kid.' I hate this trope! There is no justification for violence no matter what.

Kurama is a very complex character to understand. He does what he likes. He says what he thinks and doesn't care if it gives the other person the wrong impression. But he never uses his abuse by Ibuki as a justification for his cruel actions.

He's also a character who doesn't really lingers in the past. Yes! The memories are still there back in his head, but he doesn't let that bother him. He moves on. He makes friends, now he has his own family, and kids to care about.

This what I really like about Kurama as a character. He's very well written character after the Imperial Court Trio.

Ibuki

I love the fact that the writers didn't hold back with this character. Ibuki is irredeemably evil and he doesn't hold back anything!

The writers created what a real demon would look like! That's Ibuki. Yet, despite being irredeemable, I liked Ibuki when he did evil things but I hated Yasuchika when he was the first main antagonist of the game. I feel like it was because Yasuchika's actions didn't have a reasoning and that's why he was so frustrating to watch, but Ibuki on the other hand, was meant to be evil from the very beginning.

At the same time, the writers gave Ibuki a silver lining...he has a heart. Ibuki doesn't give a shit about the world, but he only cares those one or two people who he loves. Ibuki don't care if the world rots away. He will only care if Akihito, Yasuchika, Yoshino, Kurama, Seimei or his demon clan dies. Heck! He would even choose them over the world!

That's why I like Ibuki despite him being a complete villain.

[cygninae]

I'm curious why you relate to Lemony, I'd love to hear an elaboration

i'll try my best to explain why I find so much of myself in Lemony, but forgive me if I sound mad or something. I'm just going to ramble about this, no structure.

The first thing, really, that we ever learn about Lemony Snicket is that he has a duty to tell us the truth about a series of incidents, though they appear to be extremely detrimental to him to do so. He does it anyway. When I look at him, I see that he has no regard for himself, only the world around him. Meticulous to the very detail, dedicated to the last second, passionate to a boiling point underneath a front of witty disregard for practically everything.

He took it upon himself to write about the Baudelaire's experience as accurately as he could, because he couldn't stand by and watch the world move on when so many lives had been ruined. He doesn't really care that he could get killed in the process, or caught, or anything worse. He throws himself completely and wildly into this task of exposing what really happened to the Baudelaires. I'm not saying I relate to him because this was valiant - don't worry, I'm not that up my own arse. I relate to him because he is so book smart but actually completely stupid for not thinking that anyone loves or cares about him enough to be extremely hurt when he throws his life to the wind. I relate to his complete devotion to something that doesn't really need him. To something that stings as it reminds him of his past - Beatrice - while he clearly revels in that pain it brings back for him. He wants to ruin his own life. The answer is just why, really, and I don't think even he knows that. I'll touch on this a bit later tho.

Lemony is, as we know, forever in love with Beatrice. Even after she broke off their marriage, after she married someone else, after she died: he worships her completely, and he loves her, but at the same time I think this is because he is someone who genuinely loves being in unrequited love... bc he could move on from her. Easily. Anyone can move on eventually. But even after she is long, long gone he clings onto her through every aspect of his art (his books, his dedications) and his life (researching the Baudelaires even though they are her and Bertrand's, keeping her list of reasons she couldn't marry him, a lock of her hair, etc) and he does this because he wants to be in a tragic, unrequited love. I relate to that. What is it Donna Tarrt says - a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs? To me that is Lemony. He wants to live in this dark constant of loneliness and tragedy because he thinks it's what suits him. It's a bit ridiculous and it's a bit heartbreaking.

Anyway, moving on. To be easier on him, I'll be kind - Lemony is someone who loves. Yes, maybe too much, maybe in a way that is unhealthy, but he genuinely loves. He loves Beatrice. He loves literature. He loves his siblings. He loves VFD as much as he hates it. He loves the Baudelaire children, even though they have nothing to do with him, and he loves, well, I dont know. He loves the world around him though he is morbid and unhappy about it all. I suppose he loves the horridness of it. Oh and of course, he loves pistachios. (Me too.)

I hope this answers your ask, even though I just explained that all like a complete lunatic. I'm a bit sleep deprived so forgive me for that. To summarise, Lemony is a self-sabotaging book-smart idiot who doesn't just run away from his responsibilities, he fakes his death and gives himself new ones. He loves like a dog but to the detriment of everything around him. Yeah. I just think he is fascinatingly layered and yet so painfully readable because he wears his heart on his sleeve and he doesn't even care. I hope that in another lifetime he was happy.