#// god it's just an improvement for all of them rly

[demonsfate]

THE COMPARISON. never forget how there were some ppl actually saying tk8 just looks like tk7 2.0, and it just looks "slightly better" than tk7.... holy shit....

[piplupod]

re: prev post, just an anecdote of my family's bs

i remember when i was trying to have a conversation w my family, esp my brother, a while back (last year) about the prev post's topic, and ohhh my fucking god. it was one of the worst convos I've ever had with them. my brother was whining about how difficult it was to not be racist and to know what qualifies as racist and what's "okay to say" etc (along with ableism, but racism was the main point of that convo at that point), so I said he just needed to go searching out some musicians and podcasters and streamers of colour and you'd pretty quickly diversify your media intake and pick up good habits and good viewpoints just through that one simple action. it's like,,, really not that hard to find POC to subscribe to/follow if you do a simple look-around in your usual spaces u spend time in on the internet.

and he said, and I quote, "i'm going to be honest, i just don't care enough to do that" and yet he had just been whining about how hard it is to not be racist and how he was stressed because people kept telling him he was being racist,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, head in my hands !!!!!! he went on to explain just how little he actually cared and how it seemed like too much work to him even though he'd literally just been complaining to me for like 20 full minutes about how he was so stressed and didn't like people telling him he was racist.

like i know what he wanted to hear was "its okay if ur racist, im sure ur just doing ur best :)" but i'm not going to fucking say that to him. even if it would make me safer in this hell house, i am not going to fucking affirm anyone's comfort in being racist.

[arolesbianism]

I love drawing Aris as sif so much she's so cutsies. It almost makes up for the horrors of having to draw her as sif. Almost.

[sanchoyo]

ik i said i wanted to do at least 2-3 personal solo zines this year aside from the one i already put out but im having such a hard time deciding on a topic?? 'random art zine' or 'sketchbook zine' feel too random kadhfkj. and the only thing ive been MEGA into lately have been my own ocs but making a zine with them would feel weird..also very niche lmao

[dogshit-enchantment]

God I love Fields of Mistria. The game itself is beautiful and lovely but the thing that's rly selling me is the sheer amount of quality of life improvements compared to other farming games. On the new day screen it'll tell you what big events are happening but it'll also tell you birthdays??? Incredible. Stardew Valley I always forgot birthdays. And for items you can donate it'll show a little check mark on the hud when you hover over an item whether or not an item can be donated and if it already has been. No longer will I sell things I need to donate or worry that I haven't donated it before selling. Also the fact that I can change my characters appearance/name/pronouns/farm name at any point????? Holy shit game changer!!!!!!!!!

Fields of Mistria is quickly becoming a top tier game to me it's in early access it's 14$ please play it if u like stardew valley or animal crossing you'll love it I promise

(also the fact that you don't lose items if u die in the mines you just get a time penalty??? Amazing. I feel it's a perfectly fair punishment to getting sloppy. Also if u pass out in the wild cuz too late u just lose time. Again, perfectly valid punishment. I hate that stardew costs u time and money and items if u pass out/die)

I think my literal only complaint is that on steam deck I can't find the button to quick tab between A and B inventory slots but that's such a nothing burger (and it works if u tap the screen so it's Rly not that big of a deal)

And I think this is one of the first times I've played a dating sim where I'm struggling to decide who to date. Like usually I find My Type and just stick with them but this game all the characters feel so lively and full of personality it's actually so hard to decide (I'm torn between Balor, Eiland, March, and Hayden)

[fayesia]

Hiiiii, how are you today? I hope you're well and safe. I had an idea for mike I hope you don't mind. Imagine him being jealous of his own baby being breastfeed. Love your stories ❤

a/n: hello!! i’m doing very good, i hope the same things for u too:D i’m very happy to hear u enjoy my writing. Also i never expected my blog to contain things mostly abt mike schmidt but here we r, remember to send me any request (i’m trying to improve my smut writing so those types would be helpful but fluff is also fine!) and i will try get to them asap. hoping to be a lot better at this stuff once my holidays start in a week. ty for all the love so far, appreciating every single one of u beautiful individuals interacting w my account <3

fyi: this blurb will contain insinuations of sub!mikeschmidt, lactation kink, breeding kink (quick mention) baby will be referred to as “she” but rly whichever gender u prefer!!

You had finally finished putting your sweet baby to rest, as much as you loved the little bundle of joy, it was difficult for you both mentally and physically to keep up with the needs of her. finally having some peace and quiet you rested on the couch laying your head against Mikes shoulder while he gently rubbed your back knowing the aches you felt there. soft moans left your mouth as the feeling of relief swarmed through you, Mikes lips gliding across the skin of your neck, whispers of how beautiful and amazing of a mother you are reached your ears while you drifted into a peaceful rest.

This rest however, didn’t last long as you were soon awoken by your baby’s cries, Mike was fast asleep so you quietly padded your way to her rooms rocking her as you returned to the couch and began to breastfeed her. Mike woke up soon after silently watching you, later taking the baby to put back to sleep while you cleaned up.

“she didn’t drink enough, i don’t think she cried from hunger, god i’m so sore”

“it’s ok come here honey relax for me” Mike took your hands leading you back to the couch where he cuddled with you. He kissed your cheeks, lips and neck, hands moved to pull off your shirt. his kisses drew nearer to your sore breast where he latched onto a nipple.

He started sucking, moaning as your sweet milk filled his mouth, the liquid was like ambrosia to him, it got him more drunk than any alcohol. His ferocious sucking at your nipple was soothed by his tongue that lapped at any mess left over.

“god, don’t ever want you to stop producing milk, might just fuck a baby into you and get you pregnant all over again. Bet you’d want that huh?”

he exclaimed profanity’s while his hips thrusted against the side of your thigh where you felt a very hard erection forming.

“hmmm” you could barely respond, his actions against your leaking tits had you completely silenced, the only noise coming from you were quiet moans and pants as the area between your thighs became increasingly wetter. Mikes talk about impregnating you did nothing to cease the sensations, simply making your underwear even more soaked.

[cadaveerie]

the things i'm the most and least excited about for Dragon Age: The Veilguard!

includes DATV spoilers from the trailers and articles

i might continuously edit this post until the game actually launches as we receive new info!

all of these have been confirmed by the devs, except for those in which i clarify the opposite (ie: those that i write with a "possibly", which have probably been only suggested). if you want the source for any of these specifically let me know!

and a big shoutout to felassan for answering my question, because i started wondering if i just made up the 'pause during cutscene' thing, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out where I'd heard that lol

anyway, here it is!

GENERAL

no EA app or online mode/internet to play the game

pause during cutscenes

interruptible and resumable banter

no micro-transactions

CC

the character creator!!! - more diverse bodies, better (and darker. and better dark) skin tones and afro-textured hair!

change of voice pitch for Rook!

trans Rook! they/them Rook! and the ability to express that in-game!

b-bulge slider.......? t-tittie slider?????

different lighting options in character creator :]

in-game name suggestions for rook :]

nudity :D:D:D SEXOOO

PURPLE ROOK!!!!! (sarcastic/charming, like hawke. im gonna be insufferable to solas specifically)

CHARACTERS

"not that skeleton, but we're not saying no skeletons" as an answer to whether we can romance manfred (..... the fuck. idk what that means but... im game)

bi/pan romanceable companions! - it makes me happy, especially as someone non-binary and genderfluid. i'll die on this hill

paraphrasing: “the most romantic game yet”..... mmmm… yes….

the companions overall... i rly like both the designs and what we know of them

"are there companions gifts again" John: "(...) you very well might find things in the world that certain companions would appreciate!"

John: "Not going to get into specifics on interactables, but there is more to do in the Lighthouse than conversations with companions. The Lighthouse does have a kitchen, and your companions acknowledge it/use it both narratively and ambiently. Some maybe better than others."

more focus and intentionality on the companions' stories and relationships! yay!

inquisitor presence :D

maybe solas and inky? - not confirmed that they'll interact, but pleaaaase let them. no matter if it's a romance, friendship or hateful relationship, i need to see a reunion

the relationship between solas and rook! - from what they'd said it looks like they're gonna have a fun dynamic!!! i hope that it's kind of a bad relationship but that at some points there can be some appreciation, or respect. i think they said that it could be change, depending on you

cameos!!! - we know there will be some. confirmed morrigan cameo! my bets for others are on dorian (and mae), fenris (copium), zevran (copiumx2). and maybe these are reaches but... perhaps cassandra? leliana? illario? alistair? sten? either way im looking forward to it!

700 characters (wtf)

140,000 lines of dialogue (wtf x2. almost double of Inquisition's (80,000))

DREADWOLF WOLF FORM! DREADWOLF WOLF FORM!!! *scratches his belly*

LORE

visiting places we have never seen before like Tevinter, Antiva, Anderfels, Nevarra, Rivain, etc

more thedas deep lore!!! - elven gods! and this hasn't been confirmed, but since we'll go there... will there be tevinter lore? anderfels lore? rivain lore? antivan lore? titans lore (my theory is because of Harding)!?

GRAPHICS and CUSTOMIZATION

possibly a camera mode

beautiful textures!

beautiful landscape!

very nice hair physics! (big improvement)

gear customization + transmog

enable/disable helmets for cutscenes

COMBAT

I rly like the subclasses… they feel so…. gothic

combat looks more dynamic overall!

combos with the companions!

finisher animations!

mages can move while attacking apparently?

and they^ can use staffs, daggers and orbs :0

parry + shield toss :0

and i'm just excited to see how it actually feels while playing and how everything progresses!

things I'm kinda sad/disappointed about. just a little

only can bring two companions along (probably a 3 party total?)

probably no trans, they/them or they/x companions? :( (im assuming there will be characters that are trans (mae) and go by them/them or multiple pronouns, but i mean companions specifically)

only 7 companions. i was a little disappointed at first but tbh im fine w it now haha

they haven't talked about rook as a character much so im a little worried about that, their personal journey, their dialogue etc :')

that rook doesn't seem to have different beginnings depending on his origin :( not a huge deal but tbh i loved that about origins

can't choose multiple pronouns :( perhaps it's possible? they've explicitly said that you can go by he, she or they, but i don't think that implies multiple at the same time. it can't be that hard to program it so that it randomly changes between two or more pronouns, right? idk about game development so i dont actually know, sorry if i'm ignorant

this is suuuper nitpicky but in relation to the graphics.. i kinda wish the skins looked slightly.. different? idk how to put it, but they look kind of smooth? maybe too much? i just wish they had a little bit more texture, it kinda looks like they have a beauty filter, imo, and i think it would look better if they look slightly differently

and i have mixed feelings about how the characters are stylized overall. like... y'know, the whole "cartoony" discourse. at first i didnt like it at all, but since we've seen more im way more on board. still... i kinda feel like some things could look a bit nicer

idk how i feel about how the darkspawn look. like it's not a huge deal to me either, but... i just wish they looked different. lol. they do look a little bit goofy

and idk if i like the... veiny/nervous system looking-thing in demons either? like, i like it in theory but tbh in practice im not too sure

the remake of the warden's logo :((

that's it!

tbh im just happy about most things they've said and shown so far. i think a lot of these things are a good sign. also, things like the "not ea app necessary" make me inclined to believe that this is something they've had to fight for (cause you know, if ea could choose they'd do things their way) and that's something i appreciate a lot. that's why i think this and a lot of other choices and changes they've made in relation to the last game, are good signs that they've listened to our feedback in a lot of things! and i hope this reflects in the entirety of the game. i hope it's the case. idk i'm positive about this game! a little scared ofc, because i care and i want it to be as good as possible, but excited nonetheless!

are there things i didn't include but that you are excited about? what are you looking the most forward to, overall? i'd appreciate to see your excitement and know what you like the most!

[starglitterz]

♡ 神っぽいな (GOD-ISH)

❝ look down on me behind your mask, but what are you without it? a candle barely burning can't be said to be alive. ❞

✧ feat ; dottore, gn!reader

✧ warning(s) ; toxic relationship between a weirdo and his creation, implied experiments on humans, implied torture, reader is Going Through It, overuse of em dash & italics LOL

✧ a/n ; happy february! i have been Obsessed w this man ever since playing the sumeru archon quest 😵‍💫 idk if this can even be classified as x reader but here we are ! the lyrics i used are from lyrinae's english cover of god-ish (the original is a vocaloid song by pinocchiop) bc i felt like this song rly suits the doctor JSDJKS,,, i hope you all enjoy :) !!

“you disgust me.” you spit the harsh words out, eyes narrowing as you glare at the man (can he even be called a man anymore?) in front of you. “it pains me that my most beautiful creation thinks so lowly of me,” dottore sighs exaggeratedly, bringing one hand up to caress your cheek. the tips of his black gloves are hidden razors, sharp enough to draw blood and that is the sole reason why you don't recoil from his icy touch. yet another addition to the long list of weapons he keeps on his person at all times – the doctor is strangely paranoid for one who claims to be godlike. 

you shudder as he leans towards you, breath warm against the skin you fear he’s going to scratch apart as punishment for your insolence. though dottore designed you to be pristine and perfect, you know better than anyone else that he holds no qualms about damaging what he made with his own hands. you doubt he's ever seen you as a person, simply viewing you as a means to an end in his furious quest to ‘enhance’ humanity – and now you represent nothing more than his success.

a smirk curves dottore’s lips, fangs peeking through like a wolf showing its canines as it hunts its prey, “you really are stunning…” he stalks ever closer, trapping you between his arms as your back presses against the cold steel of his operating table. you don't want to go back there. merely being in this room is bringing back a flood of memories so horrible you’re almost trembling – the doctor does not believe in anesthesia, and so you’ve been wide awake every time he carved you open for the sake of ‘improving’ you. “practically a miracle,” he continues admiring his handiwork in a low murmur, tilting his head ever so slightly as he fixes his gaze on you, red eyes gleaming wickedly in the dark. a sardonic smirk mars his features at the thought – how could you be a a gift from the gods when he doesn't even believe in them?

“get away from me.” you hiss, though there's a barely perceptible tremor in your tone – dottore is your creator, after all. it’d be foolish to go against the man who built you when he could just as simply dismantle you. “come now, don't be like that.” he coos, and the sound of his voice grates against your ears like nails on a chalkboard, “i don't bite. at least not without reason.” he chuckles at his own joke, using one finger to tug at his mouth and show off his serrated teeth – they could pierce through your skin so, so easily.

the doctor’s face is mere inches from yours as he whispers, a sadistic smile gracing his lips at your terrified expression, “scared, are you?” you swallow, willing yourself to ignore the question as you suck in a ragged breath, “i haven’t looked at a mirror since you…” you can’t bring yourself to finish your sentence. what word would you even use? after all the time you’ve spent with him, you think you just might be brainwashed enough to say he was simply ameliorating you. “and that is your loss,” dottore chuckles, his hand slipping lower to caress the curve of your neck, his thumb hovering dangerously close to your pulse point, “as i said, you're exquisite.”

you wonder if he can hear your heart beating desperately against your ribcage from fear, then you remember – you don’t have a heart. not anymore. and that makes you even more upset as you hiss, “you ruined me.” for some reason, this strikes a nerve with him, and he grabs your chin roughly, forcing you to meet his eyes. “my darling…” his pupils are dilated, and his laugh is almost manic as he replies, “i made you better than your puny human form could even dream of being.” 

“now, you're flawless.” dottore grins, a wild, reckless look in his eyes that reminds you again just how insane he is. “all these years of experiments, of hearing your delicious sobs and pleas…” he pauses for effect, relishing in the stifled whimper that escapes your perfectly crafted mouth as you remember everything he's done to you, “it all culminated in the you that you are now.” “stop.” you beg, but it's worthless now – there's no more bite behind your words, and dottore knows he’s broken you once again. though you've long since realised you will never best him, you still argue with him whenever he brings you to his laboratory, doing your best to fight back with what little mental strength you have left – some part of the doctor wants to cut your pretty head right open to see what's ticking in there and remove the source of your hatred. 

but it matters not, for dottore will continue teaching you the same lesson as many times as you need until you get it through your thick skull. 

he created you, and you would be nothing without him.

( and if you refuse to grasp this concept, he can always create a new version of you – one that doesn't talk back so much. )

i can Never be normal abt scara or dottore,,, anyways this is one of my favourite pieces that i've ever written, and i really hope that you all like it too ! please do let me know what you think :>

© starglitterz 2024. do not repost or modify in any way – reblog / follow if you enjoyed !

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Quitting Weed Day 9 Status Report 📝

to start off , i'll say, i do indeed feel like Ass ! this post might get a tad emo. regretting my life choices to smoke for as long as i have 😕 But then again, maybe that's harsh, cus i was just doing the best i could with the circumstances i been dealt in the past.

i couldnt just quit cold turkey cus every time i try that its way too intense and i alwaus end up going back. So the past 9 days i've been hitting my (extremely weak) weed cart a couple times a night, only after 9pm, just to help me sleep. Before that i was smoking probly like. 5-8 bowls a day, followed by hitting the weed pen RELENTLESSLY all night until i passed out. So its still been a huge change lol. From tonight onwards tho i'm done w the weed pen and ready to try 0 thc 🙏

kind friend @palmceader sent me a CBD tincture made for sleep (thanku again 🥹) which im sure has a TINY percentage of thc, but nothing even close to how much im used to.

i cant even imagine how fried my dopamine receptors are, cus honestly, i feel Fucked. spaced out is an understatement. i cant focus on anything and its kinda driving me insane. it feels impossible to read or draw or do any of my hobbies.. my body feels heavy and depressed. No motivation. its kinda the opposite of what i was expecting. i can barely keep my eyes open during the day..

on a brighter note i havent been struggling too much with sleep or appetite. i think sleepy time tea + the tincture + magnesium is rly helping. my dreams recall is already improving so much, and the times i have nightmares arent as bad as its been previous times i tried to quit. i havent rly struggled with cravings at all either, which used to be a huge obstacle for me ! im just so over it now. i was starting to get chest pains and coughing a lot, which was taking any joy out of the act of smoking for me.

morbid to say but I often think of my father and how his rampant addictions directly lead him to such a painful and horrific early death. its a rare perspective of imagery so disturbing , i know i can't go on in such a manner. Like, what a fucking fool i would be! For others i can understand it but for me, no. it has haunted me for a long time to know i'm letting myself go down that path, even with all my insistent self-justification that his death is what brought me to this in the first place. deep down ive been knowing i need to break the cycle like i have the choice and the power, im still alive im still here ..

Sorry if thats depressing to bring up! i do feel depressed tho. i cant use weed to hide from my pain anymore.. i have to rewire my whole ass method of coping with stress at age 30. i know i can do it but its gonnnna be a long winded process full of ups n downs. Running away is no longer an option and thats a lot to face! a lot of old wounds i never rly dealt with, cus i kept my head in the 💨clouds💨 for so long.

i promise not to give up this time tho no matter how hard it gets 🙏 i want to set a good example too like indunno a lot of younger ppl follow me now i dont wanna feed into narratives that may influence them in bad directions. i have a responsible heart. i rly dont think weed is cool i havent since i was like 16. i was just dependent on it so i tried to romanticisze its role in my life. its silly.

im kinda laughing now cus im like god, i initially felt like the reason im quitting is so i can be more active in my dream world, but the more i think about it the more i notice MANY many more reasons to quit that go way deeper.

All in all the reason im talking about it is to maybe inspire other ppl who have been on the verge of quitting but too afraid to rly take the plunge-- Ur not alone, ur not weak for being addicted, if u need to reach out to me u are more than welcome.

Ppl rly downplay weed addiction cus the withdrawals arent life threatening like other substances, but that doesnt mean its a walk in the park. Most ppl i know who are stoners have never been able to quit for similar reasons as me. It takes a major psychological hold over u. if u ever need to vent about it or need advice, im here!

if u read all of this, pls dont worry abt me xD Even if it feels miserable rn i have faith things will improve, the heaviness and brainfog will lift, the emotions will be purged, i am excited for my future. One day at a time....Dont giving up 🙏

Signed, PMD9

[grimmcheems]

Art dump 1 🚮🎀✨

I don’t have anything for Halloween so………art dump.

Was cleaning up and getting rid of some arts I didn't see myself continuing. Ik they don't look great but I like to share my ideas and how much potential they had before I abandoned them. A lot of these are like concept sketches and stuff I was fixated on at the moments I made them. Some of these are rly old, some of them younger like a yr old….a couple were initial sketches of ideas I have semi-related full arts of that I've actually posted in my acc later on.

Like the Ryouko yakuza one and Hinami on her chair. Those were the first sketches I made of those ideas (the yakuza Hinami AU I have) but I never got back to them and they were very old and I did not feel like trying to improve them, I chose to keep them as like archival sketches instead.

The Raditz one is related to an au I haven’t drawn yet but it’s basically an au where he lives and decides to change for goku (as he’s the only family he’s got left), in the meantime he enjoys the time he spends with his nephew but don’t let chichi find out he was left alone with him. She’s still mad about his kidnapping and takes a longer time accepting him.

Monster high bc I loved Toralei when I was younger and I know nothing about Clair but loved her design when I came across it. I drew them together after watching some clips of her and thought they’d get along if they ever met. I’ve been wanting to draw HooDude VooDoo because he’s adorable and deserves to be loved, but don’t hold me to it I’ll prolly never get to it.

Grell and Will bc 13yr old me could always sense their weird dynamic and I wanted to make something where Will reciprocates. I also had a huge crush on him but didn’t mind sharing him or was bothered at the thought of Grell with him😔🎀I was originally gonna draw Grell with her iconic short hair but when I made this it was rly hard and I got frustrated and gave up and gave her long hair instead. I also had the fattest crush on short hair Grell…..maybe it’s the glasses with the two💀😔🗿

Ballroom/cruel god/trolls are unrelated and sketches I made when I was bored and had rly good ideas but I didn’t end up going through with them in the end. I love Jeremy and Marjorie.😭💖

Lastly the Eren and Armin. Idk, I made this with the context of some fics I read at the time. A lot of them had to do with Armin’s struggle to understand Eren and Mikasa’s decision to keep him alive and he ends up hating Eren to some degree. It’s a bit hard to explain exactly what I was going for since the fics had context for it. I just wanted to interpret Armin’s resentment towards him and attempting to harm Eren in some way(but his younger version) in order to keep him from becoming his s4 version. Like time travel stuff but not rly, it’s all in his mind and the only way he can keep himself from having a violent outburst towards him.

Ik I’m a yapper and that no one is probably going to read all this but I always like to provide context for my drawings, even if they seem convoluted, I literally cannot bring myself to just post something without context. I need to yap about my fixations and what I based it off or I’ll go insane.

[spearxwind]

not to sound weird but what was that work you put in to get where you are 🙏 i want to improve my life so bad but have no clue where to start. even a general gist of things

You dont sound weird! I think it's commendable to want to change your life for the better, and I want to help in any way I can :D

This is also my own perspective but I think a lot of it could be universally applied if you look at it through different lenses of ppls different situations. This also got rly long so I'm putting it under a readmore ^^;

So I had pretty much been isolating myself with increasing ferocity for years until recently. Even when trying to reach out to people I was extremely closed off, keeping my feelings behind many walls and chains always. A lot of my hard work has come from undoing all of that fuckup. I put all my eggs into my online friendships (and even then had a hard time with them).

My behavior was a cluster of personal garbage, learned mannerisms from keeping bad company, and hardwired reactions to specific behaviors. It's something pretty hurtful to realize when you do realize it, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a failure or anything like that. It just means that you have certain bare minimum survival behaviors that worked before but now are only doing you damage, and you have to learn to undo them. (which is a great step!!)

Which brings me to what I have (painfully) learned over the past several years: the basis to any and every good relationship, romantic, platonic, family, or anything is crystal clear communication. Straight up for the love of god communication skills will save your life time and time and time again

And also like I said in earlier posts the solution to wanting to be more social is just BEING more social. This is arguably extremely hard, especially after years of "if they want me around they'll ask me" and always waiting to be invited but not wanting to bother anyone by asking if you can join NO!!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!!!! It really does NOT work that way at all. People will invite you to things if they see you express interest in them. The same way that in your head you think 'theyll invite me if they want me to go' if they dont see you express interest people will think you dont want to join. If you go someplace and just stay recluse because youre shy they likely will also think "theyre probably not comfortable or dont want to be here, so we wont force them". People are inherently kind and they are definitely NOT thinking about shunting you on purpose (and I am speaking this, genuinely, from personal experience)

While I was studying my major I got close to a group of people and thought of them as my friend group, but they always seemed cold to me, and I rarely got invited to hangouts because they seemed closer among themselves so I ended up always thinking that they didn't really want me around, and created all of these assumptions in my mind about them or what they thought of me.

Years later, recently, I found one of them again just... randomly while walking through the street and we started talking. And in my much better state of mind I asked about this whole thing because I wanted to know how the rest of the group was doing (I care very much for them still) and he revealed to me that THEY were the ones who thought I was shutting myself off of the group bc I didnt wanna be close to them. Which just blew my mind but it made a lot of sense and explained a lot. I was always on my phone too, talking with my internet friends (because it was my comfort zone), so what they'd assumed was that I already had a friend group that I was invested in and so I wasnt going to prioritize them. SO basically this whole thing ended up being resolved with clear communication and would have been solved much earlier if I had just spoken up about it and gotten braver (though my mental state did not let me at the time)

Anytime you are making up assumptions and ultimatums in your mind without communicating them to the other party you should stop and very much go and speak out loud to the other party (or parties) it will genuinely do you good cause huge as hell brain snowballs do nothing but drown you in your own mind.

Also on the being social front, if you dont have the practice in then it will be hard but a lot of it is very much "fake it till you make it" and I genuinely cannot recommend that enough. Inject yourself into conversations and places and act like yourself unapologetically because the secret isnt to craft a persona that you think people will like, its just being yourself and finding people who will love you for who you are. And like I said I just got invested in other ppls plans and asked to be able to go to places, and oftentimes just by expressing interest i got invited "oh I love this show very much!!" "well we have a plan to watch it at my pals house do you wanna come?" "we were planning on going to X place this week" "omg that sounds so cool can I come with" "of course!" Generally people will respond with "the more the merrier" so please dont be afraid to ask. And even if you get a rejection or two it's fine, don't let it discourage you. Some plans are simply not meant to be, and that's totally fine too!

Something else I worked for was reestablishing contact with old highschool friends I'd lost and I missed terribly. I went out of my way to find them again (old phone numbers, old emails, old instagram accounts that hadnt posted since 2019), and I found them!

And most of them really missed me too and were absolutely thrilled I contacted them again, we picked up right where we left off eight years prior. With a lot to catch up to but its genuinely so nice to have them in my life rather than just melancholically thinking about them and wondering if they hated me or anything. Turns out that they had also thought to contact me as well or had tried and lost my phone, or some of them even thought that it was better to leave things as they were to not "stir up shit" so we were all stuck in the same loop of insane thinking without actually confirming it until one of us (me in this case) finally broke the ice (and it took a damn long time too)

The thing is, people are just like you. We all have our own mental nonsense to fight, and we all have our assumptions and propensity to think ourselves into the grave, that's why its so so so so important to communicate things as clearly and as often as possible. Bearing your suffering alone will only make you miserable in the end, and your circle is there to help you

As a last note, I do want to say I have been incredibly lucky, because the friend group I've been adopted into I have met through that one friend from uni that I just HAPPENED to find on the street. I could have not waved him over on the street and just kept walking with my music on and ignored him. I could have said 'no' to his offer to get dinner that day if I'd wanted to be home earlier. I could have never spoken up about liking eurovision and never gotten invited to the hangout where I met my bf. And none of this would have ever happened at all. But that just strengthens my advice of "just say yes and reach out of your comfort zone" because you never know where it's going to lead you!

All this to say:

Communicate clearly with your peers to reduce misunderstandings. More likely than not they'll be in the same boat as you are. (Also extra note. Communication works BOTH WAYS. It needs to come from both parties. It is also a skill you have to nurture and hone!!)

Be kind!! and be loving!! and be yourself unapologetically!!

reach out to people the same way that you'd want to be reached out to. It sucks that sometimes (even often) you have to be the one to do it, but you eventually reap what you sow and people will learn that they can reach out to YOU

People will respond in kind to you being nice to them and a positive energy in their life. Some people will take advantage of it yes, thats just how things are, and its something you have to learn to recognize but you should never let that steel your heart. It is so so so important to remain kind and loving the world needs it so much. We're all out here trying to make our own lives and our loved ones lives a little bit brighter <3

[fr0gc4t]

a ramble/confession, and some non-dualism tips

if u seem to already consciously know that ur god AND also think in limiting beliefs, ur not alone. i do it too. it’s way more common than u think.

sometimes we understand a concept and think it’s true, but our egos don’t think in the way that would actually comply with that concept, and that stops us from fully shifting into belief and freeing ourselves from ego. “belief” and “knowing” aren’t always the same thing.

prime example: YOU knowing that ur “desires” r already urs, and then ur ego switching the process completely and being like “so where is it?”. we all know that happens to a lot of ppl in the loa/non-dualism community. the ego is tricky bc its nature is to try and intimidate us. then we slip back into ego-based thinking. happened to me, and is still happening atm. and also i wanna remind ppl that, like healing, awakening to ur true self is often not linear. and that’s totally ok as long as u don’t give up. i was pretty much almost fully realized but then i let my ego get to me again and since then i’ve been trying to get back into that state but just haven’t succeeded at changing my thoughts/improving my self-concept (adhd is making it very difficult).

look. ik it’s kinda weird to have someone post a ramble abt FALTERING at living non-dualism. most of the time, we talk abt the opposite to remind ourselves if our power. but i think it’s important to be open and vulnerable when ur struggling, especially when other ppl could learn from ur struggle.

like i said. not getting i right the first time is OK AND NORMAL. ik ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless” but LET’S BE REAL FOR A SEC: that’s not true for everyone, especially neurodivergent/mentally ill ppl, and ppl with intrusive thoughts (i’m all of those, btw), bc our egos r EXTRA spicy.

awakening to ur true self as the god of ur reality is healing, and healing is HARD. in this case, since whatever we are aware of is true, it doesn’t rly have to be, but when u have inner demons, MY GOODNESS IS THIS SHIT DIFFICULT (but still sooo worth it, i promise u).

so good for u if it’s not difficult. really, i’m happy for u. i just also want to bring to light my situation, which is: hearing ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless!!” just made it harder to change mine.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYONE IS SAYING THESE THINGS MALICIOUSLY. I’M LITERALLY SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF U OMG. i just think that the non-dualism community should be a little more vulnerable, bc FAILING IS NORMAL WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE UR MINDSET, ESPECIALLY FOR PPL LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE NEURODIVERGENCE, MENTALL ILLNESS, TRAUMA, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY ETC.

AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY!!!

i see ppl say things like “i don’t want any limiting beliefs near this page!!!” when limiting beliefs and learning to overcome them r a normal part of this process and should not be shunned, and should rather be met with compassion and understanding. AND SOME PPL DO MEET IT WITH THAT!!! but there r also many who don’t. i understand not wanting to hear ppl’s limiting beliefs in some situations, but not being open to hearing them at all just creates more stigma around being vulnerable abt faltering in this journey and needing some further encouragement or advice. positivity is only good until it becomes toxic positivity. (AGAIN, NOT POINTING FINGERS AT ANY ONE PERSON. I’M TALKING ABT ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME)

my adhd makes it so hard to stick to a new habit long enough to get used to it. and as a result, i have faltered a bit. okay, maybe a little more than a bit. AND THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS NORMAL. THAT IS SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABT MORE.

maybe these stuggles r an “illusion,” but that doesn’t mean we should pretend like we don’t have them. we don’t always have to put on a happy face and go onto tumblr and vaunt to try and fight the intrusive thoughts. if u know anything abt the psychology of intrusive thoughts, FIGHTING THEM DOES NO GOOD. we should accept them and let them be there, knowing that THEY CAN’T HURT US.

even then, they might stress us out. and that’s when we might need to vent. and venting is NOT a bad thing. sometimes it’s the only way i can cool off. but instead of venting into ppl’s inboxes, we should make our own posts, like this one, in constructive language (i suggest writing the angry/anxious stuff first in ur notes, then, when ur calm, rewriting it in a constructive sense and posting it on tumblr). we need more openness to sharing our struggles. mental health struggles r sooo real (even if our human minds r illusions), and we need to make the non-dualism/loa community a safe place to talk abt those struggles and see if anyone can relate, or maybe used to relate and has adivice.

being gentle and open to this conversation is just as important as affirming that we have what we desire. bc, well, if u have the struggle i have, or something similar, u know how difficult it is. hell, i even thought abt going back to loa and trying to get into the void instead of keeping on my non-dualism path bc i thought it would be easier(???) and now i realize that that doesn’t even make sense bc both of these things require improving ur self-concept, which is what i was trying to avoid.

THAT IS LITERALLY AN EXAMPLE OF THE THING I EXPLAINED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST (which was supposed to be the main topic�� i rambled a lot. oops.). i knew that i had to change my self-concept no matter what, yet i thought that getting into the void wouldn’t require that. sometimes the thoughts just don’t add up. and it’s bc of the ego! i actually only became aware of that now actually.

THE EGO JUST WANTS TO CONFUSE U AND TAKE CONTROL OF U. i’m just still letting mine have power over me… but now that i’m aware of it, i can try again, this time with a different perspective.

faltering is normal. not being able to change ur thoughts the first time is normal. having this kind of weird cognitive dissonance is NORMAL. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO NOT GIVE UP, AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

you failed to change ur mindset and ended up spiraling? needing a break from trying to change it? i don’t blame u, this stuff is hard. it’s okay tho! what u need to do now (or when ur ready) is: FORGIVE URSELF AND TRY AGAIN. and don’t be afraid to start the conversation of “can anyone relate to this?” or whatever helps u.

we can do this. we can change our thoughts, even with any obstacles we may face, bc we are stronger than our egos. WE’RE GOD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! we can do ANYTHING.

the first step is knowing that faltering is okay. next is realizing that our knowledge of who we are doesn’t always match our thoughts, and that that is the nature of our brains. the next step is forgiving ourselves and moving on.

hopefully this rant wasn’t too jumbled or confusing, i kinda just wrote it here without any planning lolz. i need to figure out a format.

and i hope some of u could relate to my struggle. be as open as u want in the replies. i will not judge. if u need to make ur own little rant, it’s fine by me.

also, sorry for being gone for a while. i don’t use tumblr very much anymore. i’m slowly falling away from all apps except pinterest, amazon and depop 😅 but dw, i won’t let myself fall too far. i luv tumblr and the non-dualism and loa community has changed my life and opened my mind in so many ways. even if i haven’t succeeded at getting all my desires quite yet, it’s okay. i will succeed. maybe not right away, but i will. and so will u. (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[arolesbianism]

I wanna make art for my dst roleswap au sooo bad but at the same time I think if I had to deal with even a single person deadnaming Wx on my posts I would snap

[neonstatic]

Ahh I can't sleep until I get this out of my system.

Sometimes I rly feel like I blew it. I have little desire for romance so I've never tried anything and don't feel like putting myself out there either. I'm almost certain I could live a very fulfilling life in total celibacy. I do fantasise abt romance tho, constantly, cus it's fun and it's free. But sometimes I'll find myself thinking abt the few opportunities that came my way... Most of it happened in the last five yrs. I've had a glow up of sorts: stopped hiding my body and started wearing clothes that actually fit me, found ways of expressing myself thru fashion, idk if my face changed or if I just realised that I'm cute actually? All those factors contributed to getting some attention and I'm not used to it and frankly, idk that I wanna do smth abt it. I've pretty much ran away from advances every time. And not bc I wasn't interested! Even when I could admit to myself that I did like this person in more than a strictly friendly way, I just came up w a bunch of reasons why it didn't matter and that it wouldn't work. And my feelings never felt that intense anyway. It's always, "Eh, I'll get over it." And then I did! For the most part.

But there's this girl... idk why she keeps crossing my mind. We met at a BIPOC sapphic event she organised and I already admired her for putting this together. She was beautiful and funny and smart, and I just found her so cool. And somehow, she thought much the same abt me! She said I was cute, she laughed at my jokes and she even found my awkwardness endearing. She didn't find me boring or off-putting, and knew how to keep the conversation going even when I went quiet. We definitely clicked. At the time, I didn't realise I was feeling romantically abt her. I didnt even know I was flirting. I was just familiar with the song and dance. (Turns out, my socialising looks a lot like flirting.) I was super caught off-guard when she asked me out on a date. I kinda felt like running off but I just smoothly rejected her and walked home w my friend.

"You don't even know me!" is what I wanted to say. What made her think I'm dating material? I don't see much when I look at myself and I realise it's bc I know myself way more and I'm my biggest critic, but even then... I wonder what ppl think when they look at me. What do they see? What do I make them feel?

At the event, I didn't mingle much w everyone else, was lowkey glued to my friend's side (who's way more extroverted) and I was just sipping a can and steadily getting tipsy... What tf did she see? And, will anyone else be able to see that again? I feel like she must've been real special to find me charming at my worst - i.e. me at a function. Absolutely rizzless, borderline pathetic. What if that was my one shot and I blew it? And when I meet God and whine abt being a loveless loser, He'll stare me down and say, "I sent you a baddie but you passed on her, stupid." What if I doomed myself bc I chickened out of a date w a pretty girl I definitely liked back in some ways? And how do I recover from the shame. It's been over two yrs, get over it, oh my gosh.

Bc truth is, if by some miracle, we reconnected and she asked me out again... I would not say yes. My ass is not ready for a relationship. I don't even feel like I'm made for it. I think I'm a good friend (but could always improve), an alright sibling, an alright child, an insignifiant cousin/grandchild/relative... I just feel fundamentally inadequate in relationships! Be it romantic or platonic or wtv. But where I agree that I do well as a friend, Idk that I'd be a worthwhile partner. Even tho romance is just friendship with extra parts. I could start kissing and sucking on a homie of my choosing and we'd be lovers, technically, no?

Do I not care abt romance that much or have I fooled myself into thinking so to spare my own feelings of inadequacy? Could be a mix of both. I want love and I want to experience it, but I don't care enough to look for it and I will run away from it. What a mess. What a fkg bummer.

Ah, maybe I rly did blow it. Or maybe I'm thinking too much.

Maybe I should sleep.

[lunarcat982]

Untitled book

ok so here's chapter 1 of a story I'm writing I've already written the first 3 chapters so will prob post them at some point. Also this is rly long so if u want me to post further chapters like split into different posts or something js say! and pls give ideas and feedback (it won't be perfect so I'll defo need like improvements lol) :))

Chapter 1 

Meet Felix 

Felix sighed as he walked down the crowded hallway of his school, his thoughts drowning in the chatter and enjoyment within his peers. you could vaguely hear his timid footsteps echo around the school. He had bags under his eyes with a tint of red. He’d been crying again. It was so hard sometimes… It hurt. He couldn’t bear it. It was the end of another day just like the others, painful, emotionless and hell.  Felix's phone buzzed in his blazer pocket, probably mum or dad asking him for something as they always do.  Oh… it was Isabell. They used to be friends a few weeks back, good friends, but she said she wanted to find some new ‘people’ and maybe find love, or some generic shit like that anyway. He couldn't remember what she said exactly, but it didn’t help with his mental state, she was one of the few people who kept him at least a little happy in this fucked up world. Haha probably the only person, and then when she went away, he couldn’t help feeling empty and alone, not even his parents talked to him anymore. 

Apparently, she wanted to meet him somewhere today at 4:00, she wanted to talk about how things are going and maybe hang out a bit more. Felix managed a meek smile, maybe he did have someone to relate to, maybe his existence wasn’t so meaningless. He was getting his hopes up, that was the mistake. 

Felix walked up the steep hill that led to the long winding road that accommodated his house. His feet gently smothered browning leaves that had recently fallen from their respective branches. He had already started conjuring up what to say, what to ask. The only problem was getting out of his house after he was in it, of course mum would start bombarding him with questions about girlfriends if he brought up the fact he was going out with a girl. He would have to lie, not that it meant anything, it was almost instinctive now. He just couldn't get why they didn't understand he wasn't interested in any girls! It angered him more than it should have. 

He had arrived, he stood tiresomely in front of the bleak grey door he knew only too well; something about impressing the neighbours, his mum had said. Lazily he pulled on the handle and slowly opened and closed the door. Nothing, he was safe. Carefully Felix ascended the stairs and changed into something more suitable than his confining uniform; and yet even after this he still felt constricted by his parents' choice of clothes, he yearned for something more…  expressive. It-it didn't matter now, he had to go, he was going to be late. He was downstairs now, and was about to leave, but. 

“And just where do you think you’re goin?” her voice was slurred and slow, she had been drinking again. Felix sighed, “I-I’m going to see a friend”

“Which friend!” His mother snapped at him drawing another gulp of wine from one of her already half empty glasses. 

“It’s a boy mum! Okay?” Felix said, actively avoiding looking at the mess, which was his birth mother, he couldn’t stand to see anyone, not even her like this. 

“Eugh, fuckin’ hell Felix, you keep on seein’ all these boys, you’re gonna end up a fag,” 

Felix shut his eyes and tried ignoring the comment, even though the anger was begging to be let out. He never supported his mum’s or, well, the whole town's view on the LGBTQ+ community. But he couldn’t think about that right now, he needed to go, and with that his mum slunk back into the living room in which all the blinds were drawn down, and Felix swung the door open and slammed it shut behind him, ready to see an old friend.    

He was starting to smile more now, he felt heavy weights he’d been carrying for God knows how long lift off him. He felt a sense of escape rush over him; escape from his family? guilt? He wasn’t sure, but it made him feel better and that's all that mattered right now.  And then it hit him, they hadn’t even organised an area to meet up. That was stupid of him. He quickly pried the phone from his pocket and texted asking to meet at… maybe Grey Heart woods? Yeah, that was a good place, he had an idea of something to show her. Felix smiled at the thought of this, he hadn’t been given the chance to express his interests for a long while now and he was eager to do so.  His phone buzzed in his hand “yh ok” she replied.  

15 minutes later Felix was outside the field by Grey Heart woods, he used to hang out here, back when everything was simpler, and he didn’t feel alone all the time. This was where he first met Isabell, they were both 13, wow 2 years ago. Heh, time flies when you have nothing to do with your life. 

At this moment Felix realised Isabell was nowhere to be seen, he checked his phone: 16:01. She was late, eh it was ok people are often late- he had suggested the meeting spot rather late. It only bothered him when he was late, he couldn’t stand that- it made him very uncomfortable; he still wasn’t sure why. 

5 minutes passed and eventually he saw her come out of an opening to the right. She still had glasses although they were new, a ginger ponytail hung from the back of her head and she seemed more confident than the last team he saw her, taller too.  He put on a smile and tried cleaning the mop of black hair that draped over his forehead. In truth he was nervous, it had been so long, and he didn’t want to lose this like he lost it before. 

They walked towards each other, both smiling, “H-hi!” he said, raising a hand to wave, his attempts at hiding his nervous-ness were poor. “Hellooo!” she giggled. He smiled at this, she hadn’t changed, quirky and weird. 

“Heheh, so how have you been? It's been a long time, "he said, more confident now. “Well, let's see, parents still divorced check, no friends check, oh! And still single, definitely check," "and you?” she asked with a beaming smile. 

“Wow ok, let me think, I’ve been rotting away in my room, been crying in the school bathrooms and been completely and utterly alone,” he said, hinting at how much her sudden leaving hurt him. 

“Yeah, I’ll cheers to that!” She said, distracted, looking into the woods to the left of them both. “So, you wanna go in?” she asked signalling towards the woods 

“Um yeah sure,” “I actually have something to show you!” he said remembering what he was planning. “Oh, you do, do you?” she said once again with that cheeky smile. 

They’d been walking for around 5 minutes into the woods now and Isabell was getting restless, “when are we getting there?” she asked. 

“Hehe don’t worry we’re nearly there, I promise”,  

she wasn’t convinced, he could tell. And she was starting to move her body closer to his as they walked.  That was... new, eh it's probably nothing.  

Finally, the pair came to a stop in front of a large tree, around 5 metres up the trunk were 10 wooden planks nailed into various branches, although some appeared to be losing their grip and leaning off the edges.  “Um what's this?”  

“A treehouse!” He said. He was feeling more open with her now, he didn’t mind her judgement. 

“okayy , how are we gonna get up?” she said a little more interested now. 

“Ladder!” he said, smiling and gesturing towards an arrangement of horizontal wooden slabs scaling the trunk of the tree. 

Isabell frowned at the state of the wood but climbed it, nevertheless. Felix followed her up, close behind, smiling more and more. He missed this place.   

Eventually, the two of them had reached the top, Felix was surprised at how well the place had held up, only a few patches of moss growing here and there. “So, what were you gonna bring me up here for again?” She said, her voice smoother and fluid. It was probably just him. 

“Well,” he said, a little nervous, again, “I actually wanted to show you something I’m really interested in… paradoxes!”  he said, smiling once more. 

She frowned at this, “what?” she said coldly. 

“Y'know, a statement or question that contra-” 

“Are you kidding me?”  

“W-what?” 

“I’ve been acting like all nice for you, like we used to be” “And this is what I get…” “Felix, I LIKE you”  

“I” He didn't know what to do, he was panicking and confused. 

She sighed, “I guess I’ll have to do it myself” she whispered as to not let him hear. He did. “Felix, I’m sorry” she started cooing, that same smooth tone in her voice again, “come on we can just be together, I Know you like me” she started moving towards him on her hands and knees. He froze, he didn’t know what to do and was so confused. She was on him now. “W-” he managed to get the start of a word out before she pressed her lips against his own, closing her eyes she moved her hand to his cheek. He felt her tongue progressing towards his mouth, his back now pressed against the wood beneath him, as she leaned into him. He was scared, so scared, he didn’t like this. Without thinking he pushed against her, releasing himself from her clutch.  She got back onto her knees and looked at him with disgust. He hadn't realised, he was now crying, and his eyes were now red with worry. “Fuck you!” she said now angry, “Y-you freak!” she was hurt too, and he could tell in her voice she was on the brink of tears herself.  Without warning she descended the ladder two steps at a time, and ran away from him, all the while he sat there, tears rolling down his red cheeks.  Felix sat there for half an hour more, crying harder than he had in months, as that word repeated over and over in his head, “Freak”. 

[kaleidosouls]

im too lazy to put the vpn on to tweet so im gonna tumblr post; talk watch abt the amazing digital circus ep 3 (spoilers ofc) [Edit: i had more thoughts i guess il put it in the replies bc tumblr has those now? maybe itll be more accessible for my twitter generated yapping disorder)

finally some appreciation for my man and favourite character kingler like he goddamn DESERVES. i actually have not enjoyed tadc very much theres so much i rly dislike abt it but its like super well produced and indie so like you watch to be on the loop (i wish it was actually rendered closer to the quality of cd games from the 2000s that it seemed to be referencing but like, it looks how it looks and thats how it is), i rly disliked the script for the mpst part in the first 2 eps but ive loved kingler from day 1 so having an ep with mostly just him and pomni (i have mixed feelings on her too but w/e) was great great great and we had some lore n stuff but rly like i could smell a fellow traumatized man whos a bit wacky to cope from miles away and im glad to be proven Right

sorry im older man fucker so he rly hits all the boxes bc hes actually so sweet and helpful hes just mentally unstable (love him for that) and a lot of his endearing like caring nature comes thru in the physical aspect of the character and with less dialogue, rly the less dialogue the show has the better, idk who does the scripts and i dont wanna diss them but like oof i fucking hate it shkdh like its not like its never funny but its just, off, ive still not been able to properly explain to my wife the way that its off to me, and it bothers me to not be able to cohere those emotions! anyway

kingler so cute so very handsome and uwu so gentle and kind 💖💖💖 i love how gentle he is and good to pomni (ofc ppl are gonna call it fatherly or god forbid grandfatherly when hes like 40, and now if you ship them ppl will say its incesty when theyre two grown adults but w/e) like idk i just love a kind mentally unwell man!!! im simple!!! him just overexposing at the near end in dialogue was rly awkward in the writing like man they just, the dialogue is so not good. but in theory his character is so good and the thing abt the darkness and such was sweet. like hes just always been so endearing and the ep just gives a lot of free real estate kingler screentime to drink with my eyeballs, it doesnt change my opinion on the character at all bc ive always loved him this much

the rest was ok just the typical fare for the most part, like tadc rly often makes me so dissatisfied bc it has so So much potential but the ways it kinda just ends up like a dumbed down typical cartoon is really meh. i do love caine though and more proof that hes a non malicious (although maybe harmfully ignorant) ai. his gags almost land for me if they werent really Really lampshaded, i love how much he cares but is incapable (yet) of improving, i thought it was sweet zooble was so earnest with him. like, the whole tadc def improves the less mean spirited it is, for me. which is hard bc the most favoured character is rancid mean disney purple guy.

gghh why is this show so agdidhsifirh (gestures of anger) like its like, much worse ENA or smth but i know theres more that bothers me abt it than that, and i cant grasp it. im stil in hell irl so i cant cohere a lot in general so w/e, i need to chill and let go. i did like the horror trophy head designs of everyone that i could see (i wanted to get a better look at kinglers but i couldnt find a good frame from watching on my phone) like they were super over the top and fun. i wish the settings they travelled to still felt like, even remotely circusy? they truly feel like just we’re in a different cartoon. but its ok i only hate 749374947493 things abt the shows style choices

i want a framed photo of kingler so i could kiss it. or maybe i could trt to makena plush of him. he is my beloved to hurt/comfort. hes wacky and nice and traumatized and has memory issues and i wuv him