#// *so dont come to my DMs to change my mind when im set on what i like

[monmuses]

// *daily reminder that this blog will post about muses and certain shows that are considered problematic or controversial solely because of the topics they cover, the fandom behind the show, and/or the creators themselves. please understand that i do not care for the creators or worship them for creating said shows. i enjoy the content for myself only.

// *so if you plan on coming onto anon to trash on my interests or try to privately talk to me about how my writing is problematic, my muse choices are problematic, or me talking about shows in general is bad and you want me to change my view? don’t even fucking try it. you WILL be blocked. if you don’t want to see me post about shows i like, you are free to ask me to tag things if you wish to follow. if you can’t do that, unfollow and block me.

// *i’m tired of seeing my friends be bashed for their interests because of the creators behind it. it is NOT hard to separate the art from the artist. no one is the same when people have similar interests. don’t chase after people because you dislike something that they enjoy and YOU have the urge to try and change them.

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

liz 🫶🏽🫶🏽 i understand why you're thinking abt leaving, but i have reasons why you shouldnt. i really hope this brings back some of your faith in us, bc i havent really done much to keep it 🙏🙏🙏

you're VERY talented.

i feel like there's not much to elaborate on this? like, i've been stalking a few of my (now mutual) amazing fic writers and artists for a while, even before i got an official account, but you've always been one of the first.

2. you're inspiring to ALL.

one of the first leon fics that i ever read were one of yours. back when i first got on here, your account was recommended to me first, and im so so so glad that it was. you were someone that wrote leon, and the further i delved, the more i realized that you were really talented, not just a horny teenager looking to get likes. you were ACTUALLY WRITING. and that's so so inspiring because let's be fr, who does that anymore? ik for a fact that a lack of likes gets me discouraged (but that might be my praise kink yapping)

3. your fic ideas are so creative AUGH

honestly? sometimes i wish i could go back in time and just... think of that idea first, because they are always stunning. especially your cool mom's countdown, that had me enamored. i looked up to you and thought, if she could brush herself off and get up, write this and still manage her life outside of writing, i could at least try, right? so i have you and a multitude of others to thank for this, but you for being my first inspiration on here.

4. you're very mature about everything.

in the sense that personally i would freak any time i get anon hate in my inbox, you handle things very well, like a cool older sister (not the one that gets in fights and gets expelled, but the one that's calm and calculating. i've always seen you like that, not an insult, but a compliment <3) having an online presence is hard when people hate on you, and i'd just like to say one more thing

5. you are NOT unoriginal.

i have no idea where the fuck those asks are coming from, saying that ur unoriginal and that ur dialogue is repeated, because it's not???? everything you write is well thought out and precise, even if you hadn’t meant it to come across that way. not to mention that ur blog is one of the very few that i’ve seen that actually has a set theme, in this case, the music! the demos, the singles; a lot of work went into it, and i dont know why the fuck people aren’t appreciating it and instead hating, but lets end on a good note, which brings me to

6. we respect your decision.

this is not to get you to change your mind, please never think of this that way. i’ll completely understand if you still want to go through with becoming an archive idea, because that is always up to you and don’t ever feel pressured to do something you don’t want to. this is more of a response to the hate that you’re getting for no reason, and also just because i feel like i haven't really been showing up, as of late? i’ll always look up to you, no matter what you choose <3

ily!! made my day with this one, sweetheart (i didn't see a name on your blog, so i hope that's an okay name for you)

people like you make me want to stay (and i'm never going to stop writing, i've been in love with writing since long before tumblr), but if i stop posting/post less, we can always chat in the dms/discord :)

the horny teen thing made me laugh bc i was a melodramatic hopeless romantic teen who wrote poetry during class - for better or worse, i feel like poetry being my introduction to writing (and ultimately, what i like most/think i'm best at) shows in the way i write fic sometimes?

i'm happy to hear that you find my fic ideas original because i feel like my creativity/imagination is limited, especially when i'm not into AU's and such (i'm so stuck on making characters not OOC). i feel like this is different from a lot of writers but brainstorming and plotting is my least favorite part of writing, like i love the actual writing things down part and even the editing sometimes! this is such a random side note but i always see posts about people being like "i have an idea but i don't want to write it out" and i'm like omg pls feed me the idea, i would love to write it!

(also, i don't really have a life outside of writing at least atm... which definitely contributes to my whole emotional state rn)

i don't think i've ever been called mature before lol! i'm glad it seems like i'm handling things right but ik it's probably best to ignore anons, i'm just the type of person who won't start fights but won't back down from them either? i also think a lot of the people are easy to clown on lol

the older sister comment makes me want to cry, genuinely bc i am an older sister in real life (to my brother, who is my favorite person in the world) but i've been writing and thinking a lot about how i wish i could go back in time and be my own big sister (not to get too deep, but i wish i could hug baby me :( )

the funny thing about my theme is that i actually feel like it's v disorganized (tho i love maximalism and color and it is v me, plus i had to do a disco theme for miss oranje)

if i did quit this blog, which i doubt i will entirely bc i still want to support other people even if i post less of my own stuff, i would definitely leave it as an archive or leave some way for people to read my fics because I HATE when authors delete their fics, like i totally get orphaning a work on ao3 if that's something you want to do but as much as i don't like some of my older fics and might do a revised version of not old enough in the future, ik that there's probably someone out there who loves that fic and would be sad if it was gone

btw i am trying not to cry bc i'm in the same room as my dad and it would be awkward but "i look up to you" is quite possibly the biggest compliment i've ever received, like that means a lot to me because i struggle with the idea that younger me wouldn't like me now so the fact that someone else finds me worth looking up to for any reason at all makes my heart cry tears of joy

also, you have absolutely been here for me, like every reblog/comment on my fic makes me so happy, and ik a lot of people don't have the time to leave comments and such so it makes my heart smile knowing that you put in that time and care!

[talesfromthegasstationexchange]

okay this is the whole rules tm for the exchange

To participate in the Exchange:

1) Fill out the application.

3) Confirm gift pairing within 48 hours of receipt.

4) Notify mod of all tumblr URL changes.

5) Complete a gift by December 22nd.

We recommend that you follow the exchange blog (here) for updates, however, this is not required :))))

Gift Requests*

No OCs or crossovers Alternate Universes are allowed

In the event that an applicant asks for gifts that are too difficult to fill or violate one of the above rules, mods will contact recipients for amendment.*

Gifts

Fanart: Must be a finished drawing, coloured, or rendered black and white - not a sketch. Fanfic: Must have 1000 words minimum, with no obvious spelling or grammar errors.

NSFW: out right im not allowing nsfw related stuff unless someone else wants to mod it. i will be allowing gore related junk since im okay to moderate that gore: although i am allowing it based off of what the source media is i am going to put a 16+ barrier on this one. you can also opt out of making content for these types of gifts if they come up.

Not allowed:

Hateful or abusive content like ship bashing, racism, transphobia, bullying, etc. spam applications will be blocked

Posting.

Put content warnings if applicable. Tag applicable characters and ships. Post between December 23th and 31st. DM or @ mention your gift recipient when you post! Mention @talesfromthegasstationexchange and use #tftgs23 in the first five tags! (Just in case.)

Gifts that do not meet requirements or break rules will not be reblogged.

some may be missed through time zones and tumblr being tumblr but feel free to reach out on here or through my personal in DM,

   What is the tftgs Exchange?

A Secret Santa-type event where like minded fans create content for tftgs.

   What kind of content is allowed?

Either a finished drawing (as determined by the artist) or a fanfic with a minimum of 1000 words.    Can I ask for my designs from tftgs to be used ? Yes you may do so. though you will have to have easily accessible references publicly available for your gifter to use     can I ask for another set of designs that are not my own ? again yes, of course but they do still have to be openly available online and you need to mention the artist/ blog that has them in the application

   Can we ask for gifts with tftgs ships?

You can ask for any ships, as long as it is with canon characters

Is N.S.F.W. Allowed?

hard lines no. i allow gore based on the source media but nothing beyond that. as well if the gift you create does contain gore it should be tagged and cropped accordingly, and the full piece put under a read more or linked off to another page

If you post something in violation of these rules, we will ask you to fix it prior to reblogging it :)

Can I ask for a gift featuring my tftgs OC?

No. ocs are super valid and i love them. but i do feel though it is very unfair to the gift maker to try and visualise a character they may not know well enough to depict.    Can I ask for a gift featuring book related spoilers?

yes! applicants will be separated out into 2 main categories, the audio series and the books. So that no one ends up getting asked to draw or write from part the either haven't read or heard.

  How are pairings made?

Applicants will be paired with other tftgs Gift Exchange recipients. it will take preference into consideration; further, i will not force people into making content for their NOTPs and hated characters. Outside of that, please be open to exploring new people and pairings to spread the happiness this holiday season.

   i dont want the same person to make for or to be given from last year

thats completely fine, ill try my best to work around it an make sure you get someone diffrent.

   I’m not sure if my recipient will like the gift I want to make them. What should I do?

Easy! Anon ask your giftee if you need clarification about what they would want.

If their anon is off, contact me explicitly explaining this, plus any questions you may have. We will reach out for you :>

    What if I have to dropout?

it’s sad to see you go!

In the event that you cannot finish your gift, OR something comes up that will delay your gift (even writer’s block!), please DM either ASAP so that we can find a substitute.

   Okay. You’ve convinced me. Where do I sign up?

Applications open November 14th! aka today

   I posted my gift hours ago, but it hasn’t been reblogged. What gives?

feel free to dm it to my main. ive probs just missed it because my brain is fried @theredheaddevil

Disclaimer:

i cannot be responsible for any applicant that falsley claims to be a legal adult, if you are found out to be lying about your age you will be removed and banned from any following years that i continue to run this. and your pairing from the exchange will be remade

[blxetsi]

modern sasha braus dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!sasha braus x gn!reader

had to write something for my queen 😌✨

- she shares her food with you. I Dont Care She Does

- also since this is a modern au i dont think she would have such an obsession with food as she does in the canonverse (if we can even call it an obsession) i still think she would have a big appetite (and she'd be proud of it tf 😏🙏) but i just dont see her always being hungry as the fandom makes her out to be

- really likes to hold hands with you

- i think itd be really cute if she was studying to become a baker ?? maybe taking a culinary course at the university you two attend ?? maybe you somehow met there or through a friend

- i think she'd still be insecure about her accent (ig if this is au is set in america she'd be from the south 😐🤚) and would speak kind of like a robot to people she didn't know that well

- connie and jean ALWAYS bring out her accent tho,, like with them she can really be herself

- i think when you were starting to get to know her she would be speaking very formally, and youd take it like shes being kinda stand offish or like,, just doesnt wanna talk so youre thinking "okay maybe she doesnt wanna be friends 😁👍" and would back off

- now sasha's upset because you are so cool and unique and she just wants to know so much about you but youve been very distant lately ?? like did she do something wrong ??

- she tells connie, jean, marco, and niccolo one night and connie and jean are on the side of "find y/n and demand to know why their behavior has changed" while marco and niccolo are on the side of "respectfully dm y/n and ask why they havent been wanting to see sasha recently"

- sasha goes with the latter of the two and dms you after passing you in the dining hall, you two literally keep glancing at each other, texting while you sit with your respective friend groups

- after everything gets cleared up sasha is immediately inviting you to hang out with her crew, and even getting some of her other friends like eren, mikasa, and ymir and historia to come join too

- if she has all the people shes comfortable with there, itll be less scary talking with her accent !

- You Love It. You Think Its Adorable.

- you guys would definitely have a friends to lovers type relationship

- like friendly hugs turn into slightly longer hugs, and now sasha will constantly ask to sit next to you during movie nights

- loves to rest her head on your lap while she spreads across the couch

- i think you two would have your first kiss in niccolos apartment

- you two were sitting in his kitchen, with sasha munching on the leftover food he made that night for your get together

- his mom had called him so he decided to leave to go to his bedroom to answer it

- and slowly you guys just kind of,,,, leaned in 🙈✨

- it was slow and really romantic, kinda rough with the crumbs that were around sasha's lips but you didn't mind

- niccolo barged in and ruined the moment 😐🤚 good going pal 😁👍

- you two were so shocked that you two tried to leave

- ended up just walking down the road in silence like wtf i thought yall were trying to get away from each other 😭😭😭😭

- sasha ended up staying the night 🤩‼️

- NOT in a sexual way

- but in like a,,,, rue and jules kinda way where jules comes in through the window (but only sasha didnt come in through the window she came in the front door with you) and you two held each other and gave each other smooches for the rest of the night

- sasha woke up late and missed her morning classes 😐🤚 didnt even care and went back to sleep with you

- i think for the most part you get along well with her friend group

- youre definitely closer to connie, jean, niccolo, marco, and historia

- ymir teases you guys a lot and you cant tell if what she says is just jokes (it always is) or if shes completely serious

- eren, mikasa, armin, annie, along with reiner and bertholdt are more of aquantances to you, just because you dont see them as often as you do the others

- she has such a weird relationship with her english professor

- will literally complain how much work he gives his class and then the next day will gush about how great he his bc he gave her a granola bar for her effort in her assignment

- girl pick a script and stick to it 😐🤚

- has a collection of stuffies on her bed. i dont make the rules.

- anytime theres a carnival in town she drags EVERYONE there.

- you all agree to split up into groups so you can all check out what you want, but you always agree to meet up and eat funnel cake together 🥺

- sasha tries to get you to win her new stuffies

- if you cant do it, or just want some for yourself, shes calling connie and niccolo up PLEADING with them to come find you guys,

- then she claims theres been an ACCIDENT and that you two need help

- niccolo is zooming bc he cares abt his besties 😌✨

- connie texts jean and marco to come find you guys too 😭😭😭

- who gets a kick and a lecture for lying courtesy of niccolo ? sasha. but who also gets a bunch of stuffies won for her courtesy of niccolo ? sasha.

- for your anniversary i think she'd want to do something really fun with you

- she'd set up a pillow fort and have a bunch ot string lights and stuff, have all of her favourite stuffies (which are the ones she thinks of you when she sees) in there too.

- she has chips, she baked little pastries and cookies, and she ordered your favourite takeout

- you guys just watch whatever you want on netflix or whatever and its such a nice night

- it becomes a tradition for you guys, but you two always take turns with setup

- one year sasha did all of the planning, baking and whatnot ? okay now its your turn 😁👍

- you guys even started doing themes now 🤩

- if you guys play board games with your friends youre on sasha's side whether you want to be or not.

- shes also the kind of person that says "i can win fair and square !" but then when bertholdt starts kicking her ass in monopoly her script changes real quick 🙄

- now its "y/n,,, give me some of ur money" and "y/n, buy this property for me" like girl,,,, what happened to playing fair 😍⁉️

- will try and do all of those s/o pranks you see on tiktok

- its hard to get a genuine reaction out of you bc you can TELL SHES RECORDING but she tries anyways

- we love a perservering queen 😌✨

- will call you at random times of the day asking if you guys can see each other

- "y/n ??? are you there ??" "sasha its 2am wtf do you want 😐" "do you wanna ride your bike with me down to the park 🥺"

- also is very observant, knows when youre overworking yourself

- will try and pull you away from what youre working on like "lets go get you something to drink, or maybe we can watch an episode of that show you like before you continue working !"

- if youre persistent that you just HAVE to finish it tonight and cant stop and take a break she'll respect that, until you stay at your laptop for over an hour 😐

- just softly pulls you away like "no lovebug, lets get some sleep okay ?"

- is also very protective of you

- overheard someone making fun of you ?? talking shit ??? her besties better hold her back before she gets suspended 😤‼️

- and since connie and jean absolutely ADORE you, you better believe theyre helping their girl sasha out

- those three are the LEADERS of the "protect y/n club"

- it just becomes niccolo and marco trying to dissolve the situation before it gets physical, and then reiner and armin joining when they walk directly into the chaos

- armin tells you what happened and as much as youre thankful that sasha cares about you so much that she'd defend you like that, you lecture her, jean and connie on not making scenes like that again

- sasha's love language is kind of like,, a mixture of quality time and physical touch

- she just really loves spending time with you, but also very much enjoys being in your arms

- she doesnt shy away from it, and is usually the one to initiate those things

- will hold your hand PROUDLY down hallways or on streets

- always hypes you up too, shes very much so your personal hypeman

- "oh lovebug you look SO GOOD rn oh my god" "sasha pls im in my pyjamas" "and you look like a model baby !"

- sasha is very stubborn however, and if you guys ever fight she is NEVER the one to apologize first, or seek you out to talk about it

- even if shes in the wrong she cant bring herself to admit it, she dug herself into such a deep hole with the stance she took that she doesnt want to take the walk of shame in admitting that she wasnt right

- this can cause a lot of problems in your relationship, but after you explain how much it affects you, shes trying to change

- will always work on her stubborn-ness and pride

- and it actually makes her feel a lot better being able to admit defeat, or being wrong

- she really likes being communicative and honest, especially with you

- i think overall your relationship with sasha is very very fun, filled with good memories, good food, good friends, and most importantly, love.

no bc i really do love her 😐🤚 lemme marry miss braus rq 😏✨

hope u guys enjoyed !! remember requests are open so if you have anything youd like me to write DONT BE SHY ❤️‼️

[pinkjeanist]

“daydream.” || hizashi yamada

     ⇥     You wore heels on the wrong day, and your legs pay the price. Luckily, Hizashi is there to help. [1.6k words]

a/n: i hate feet. i hate feet SO much. this fic SUCKS because every time i had to write the word ���feet” i CRINGED. i would NEVER let hizashi or anyone else touch my feet. my feet dont exist. i hate them so much im denying their existence. [navigation]

You so desperately wished you could walk in someone else’s shoes. These heels were killing you. 

It was a teacher’s development day, which meant you had to dress up, and you felt strange in anything other than heels when you wore a pencil skirt. But what Nezu had failed to tell you in his little email was that the meetings would go on for six hours. Of course, you got to sit at the meetings, but between them, you’d have to walk from building to building, and up and down stairs to get to the rooms you were assigned to. You’d worn a tall pair of heels expecting to have three meetings at most. Now, your legs were practically about to fall off.

You passed Yamada a few times during passing, in which he pointed out your struggling on the very first occurrence. 

“Yo, Miss Y/l/n! What’s going on?” You quickly checked your watch to see how much time you had, and decidedly stopped as he approached. You would have been overwhelmed by the feeling in your chest if the feeling in your feet wasn’t nearly cut-off from agony (okay, maybe that was a bit of a stretch). 

“Oh, it’s just these heels…” You replied, letting him take your elbow as he often did. His brow furrowed in concern over his glasses. “Nezu didn’t tell me how long the day was going to be, and I decided to wear these, and now I kind of regret it.” 

“Yeouch! I’d give you my shoes if I could, but I don’t think those heels would fit me! Not that I mind wearing heels, though.” 

“I know,” You smiled, looking down at your feet though not so much from the pain, now. “I appreciate the sentiment. It means a lot.”

His hand moved to gently squeeze your shoulder. “Don’t get too down about it, Y/l/n! It hurts now, but you’ll be off your feet soon enough! I’ll see you back at the dorms later, okay?”

You nodded, and his hand moved quickly to pat your head before letting go of your elbow. “I’ll see you later, Yamada.” 

You parted ways, and you tried not to reminisce on how his hand felt on your elbow and head as you near-stumbled to your next meeting. When he passed you twice in the hall after that, he asked if your feet were hurting any worse, and when you said yes, he gave you enough kind encouragement to not just take off your shoes and walk to the next meeting barefoot. He hugged you both of those times, and you tried not to hold him as tight as you wanted, even though his arms pulled you close like a two-armed octopus. He’s wearing a different cologne today, you thought to yourself as you continued to your last meeting. 

When you finally made it back to the dorms, you collapsed on the couch with your heels tossed to the side (you didn’t even want to look at them), still in your dress clothes. Your feet hurt too much to go up to your rooms and change. 

You said hi to the other teachers as they trudged in wearily after you, just as drained from the training that they knew wasn’t going to help anyone (you were only heroes, after all). You could tell Ectoplasm was near his limit with his prosthetics. Eraserhead looked like a dead man walking. But Yamada seemed more than happy as he came through the door, spotting you and rushing immediately over.

“Heya, Y/l/n! Feeling any better?”

“Oh Yamada. My feet are gonna hurt forever,” You cried with a grin. He came to sit on the floor next to the couch, by your head. “I’ve been laying here for five minutes and they’re still practically numb. This is it. This is how I die.” 

“Aw, don’t talk like that! Who’s gonna jam with me to my mixtapes when you’re gone?” Your face heated up when his hand moved back to the top of your head. However, this time it stayed, and he started to almost play with it. You had to look away from him to keep your heart from imploding. 

“That’s true. You do have pretty good mixtapes. They’d be perfect if you put Africa by Toto on all of them,” You smiled, thinking back to the countless arguments you’d had with him over the song. 

He groaned dramatically. “It only fits on the classic rock mixtape! Do you really think it belongs on my screamo one? Or my jazzhop one? Or the Carly Rae Jepsen-and-Gaga mix?”

“Africa by Toto is a timeless classic that fits any and all situations. A day at your mom’s house. Your cocktail party. Your wedding. Your funeral. Your goldfish’s funeral. It’ll fit right in with Asking Alexandria on your screamo mixtape, I swear.” 

“I’ll take your word for it, but I’m still not adding Africa to any other mixtapes.” 

You frowned, trying not to smile. “Please-”

“No.”

“Pretty please-?” 

“No!” He giggled, standing to his feet. His hand lingered for a second on the top of your head. 

“You’re leaving?” You asked, your frown not very fake, this time. 

“Well, I was gonna go grab some lotion to rub your feet for you, but if you want me to go-”

Your hand shot out to take a gentle hold of his wrist. “No- I mean, uhm.” You cleared your throat. “I mean, you don’t have to rub my feet. I’ll be fine.” 

“Do you not want your feet rubbed? Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Well, it’d be nice, but-”

“Then I’m gonna go grab my lotion. I’ll be right back, hon!” He sped off before you could protest any further. You sighed as your head hit the arm of the couch. Looking into the kitchen across from the living area, Kayama eyed you with a smirk as she made herself a sandwich. You flipped her off. She was the only person you’d told about your little thing for Yamada, which was probably a mistake, since she’d been talking about you around Yamada fairly often every chance she got-

Wait a goddamn minute. Yamada called you hon.

Your face heated up almost immediately at the thought. He gave everyone nicknames (except you), usually based on their quirk or their hero name or something like that, but he never called anyone hon. Not honey, not darling, not sweetie, not any of that. Hell, the most he would call Eraserhead was ‘Zawa, and they’d known each other since their schooling days. You’d only ever called each other by your last names, sometimes a similar abbreviation of them, but you’d never dared to go further.

It couldn’t mean anything, you told yourself. It was just a slip of the tongue-

“I’m back, sugar! You ready?” You choked at his voice. Uh. Not a slip of the tongue, then?? “Alright, I’m gonna touch your feet, now. Is that okay?”

“Uhm. Yes.” You coughed. “But you really don’t have to, I mean it- ugh…” 

You fell short of words as he put his hands on your right foot, kneading into the sole. The deep ache was still there, but it felt a whole world better than it had just a split second ago, and your senses were only heightened by it being him touching you, caring for you.

“Is this alright?” He asked, and if your eyes weren’t closed, you’d probably see that shit-eating grin he always wore when he teased you, even if his voice was gentle and warm at the moment. You melted into the couch.

“You could say that, yeah…” He hummed in reply. You could feel him moving to sit on the opposite arm of the couch, putting your foot in his lap as he worked. After a while, you let yourself sigh and feed into it. The lesser part of you imagined for a second that he was your partner and doing this because he loved you, not just because he wanted to. You usually whisked away thoughts like those almost as a reflex when you were around him, but for once, you let yourself bask in it.

After a while, Yamada set your feet down on the cushions and moved to your side. You didn’t realize he was done until you felt him kneel by your head. “Does that feel any better?”

You opened your eyes, glancing briefly at him before moving your feet. There was still an ache that would only pass with time, but…”It feels amazing. Thank you.” 

You tried to stand, but once you were on your feet, you nearly toppled over at the strange feeling that came from the foot rub. He was quick to catch you, and kept an arm wrapped around your waist as he led you to the stairs, even after you’d regained your bearings. “Just take it easy tonight, okay? And maybe ditch those heels. I think they’re causing more pain than they’re worth.” 

A heaviness came over your chest as you tried to turn back to the living room. “Oh, my heels-” 

“I’ll bring them up later. You just need to lay down, hon.” 

You let yourself lean into him as he led you up to your room and into your bed, sitting at the edge for a moment to put his hand on your cheek. You swallowed, but didn’t shy away. “I’ll go get your heels. But really, you should ditch those shoes. I mean, they look really good on you, but so do those black boots you wore last week.” 

The familiar heat returned to your face. “Well, uhm, I can’t really wear those to meetings…”

“I’m sure you’d look gorgeous in flats, then. Or any other shoes. You’re just gorgeous.,” He smiled, then standing as if he hadn’t just said something you’d only dreamed about ever since meeting him. “I’ll go get those heels, hon.” 

You blinked as the door shut behind him. Okay, maybe you’d allow yourself one more domestic fantasy with Yamada while you waited for him to come back. 

-

taglist: @keigos-dove @knifeewifee @hanniejji @wesparklebitch @bvnnyclouds @katsukis-sad-angel

- dm/inbox to be added or removed from a taglist.

[romantic-suggestions]

thank you, i dont wanna pressure you into giving advice so if you dont want to please dont. also im kinda paranoid so if this sends off on anon please dont post it!! but it feels like nobody actively looks for me unless they need something from me, i dont have any friends in my life right now, i dropped all of them because they didnt listen to my feelings/they were just kinda bad to me, a while ago i dropped an ex who manipulated me and it hurts so much thinking about it, why doesnt he feel sorry? and if he does, why cant he hurt? why did i get used for character development its not fucking fair every friendship i have they get something out of me, they get the boost they need to start their next project and be successful its not fucking fair why do i have to self loath and theyre able to move on? why does it seem like everttime i find someone i love we get distant?? i know i cant stop that but it hurts, alot. if distance doesnt kill us i always get replaced, when am i going to find someone who loves me for me, not what i can offer them?? it feels like people only love me because they can use me for something i hate it why is it when i set boundaries im a bitch, why is it when i tell people something is uncomfortable i have to give an essay on why they should respect me. i feel so stuck like i keep comparing myself to others, why did i have to be so stupid in the past? i used to say slurs that werent mine 2 years ago to impress the friends that didnt care about me and i cant move on from it, why did i have to be so stupid? i cant handle people criticizing me, it feels like they hate me and theyre jealous, or am i jealous of them for being able to point out something?? i dont know

I'm sorry for not responding sooner, but in truth, this ask has been on my mind all day, and I've been wanting to approach this with some good words. You remind me a lot of my younger self, and I want you to know that you're lovely, and I'm sorry you've been surrounded by such horrid people!

I'll start off by saying that everyone (and I mean *everyone*) has done horribly embarrassing things to impress someone. Please don't beat yourself up over the slurs, because the best thing to do is to recognise you've said some horrible things, and if you've hurt anyone with those slurs, apologising to them is really good <3 . You know they're wrong, your message says as much, and I want you to know that wallowing in that isn't going to help you grow. Righting the wrongs and surrounding yourself with positive influences is best, because you've grown from who you were two years ago! And that's definitely for the best :)

When you said that people only seem to notice you if they want something from you, it made my heart pang. I'm so sorry you've been surrounded by these sorts of people, and I want you to know that there are people out there who will want to get to know you for who you are. They exist, and I understand your apprehension around people given how you've been treated, but I promise that they'll be safe to open up to. Sometimes it takes a change of scenery (school -> university, moving to a new town), sometimes a setting of boundaries, but when you find them, they'll be your friend through thick and thin. Heck, most of my closest friends I made when I moved cities for uni! They will come out, and they will find you <3 or perhaps you'll be in a safe place to put yourself out there!

Good for you on dropping those friends!!!! That sounds weird, but rest assured, it is far better to have no friends than friends who drain you, use you, and aren't really there for you. I'm sorry that you feel as if you're no more than a plot device in someone else's story... I wish I had a better way of wording that, but I do know that it will not be that way forever! Having a strong sense of identity and getting involved in things does help detract from that transience, but it's the people you're around just as much as yourself! I do hope you can find some lovely people soon <3

With your ex, I can tell you from experience that people who manipulate and use don't tend to feel things like being sorry, except for being sorry that you got away from them. They're not the norm. My dad's the same way... he's done some utterly atrocious things to his children, and yet feels a sense of entitlement to us, as opposed to apologetic. It genuinely does suck a lot when you see someone move on without so much as a tear, but it's not you; it's their lack of empathy. You're doing so well anon!!! and please don't let him, and all those stupid ex-friends, get you down!

Someone will love you for you. I don't know how old you are, but for some people it happens quickly, others it takes a while. The teenage years are filled with so much volatility in the way people love and forget, the twenties are a messy time of personal development, and I do know of some people who've had to wait until they're out of college before they even begin to meet people who see past the exterior and to their heart. That sounds so depressing (I'm sorry!!), but be assured I have yet to meet someone who hasn't found someone who understands them truly, past all the distractions, through everything. You will find them! Work on yourself, and the people will come <3 (my DMs/ask box are still open too, if you're ever like "wtf help who am i what is a self?")

I don't know if this is good advice, but it's advice that I've learned over the years and I wish I could dispense to my younger self (of course I probably wouldn't've listened, oops), and I hope it does you some good <3 please feel free to come back to my ask box if you need anything! You've got this anon <3

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

[001jsngprk]

━♡ guess the 20 YEAR OLD MAY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because PARK JAE-SUNG is just as SUNNY as the month of MAY. wait, why do they remind me of LEE WOO-JIN ( TARGET ) ? beyond that, they seemed SPIRITED and PATIENT upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of HAREBRAINED and WISHY-WASHY though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX # 2 / APARTMENT # 5 / FLOOR # 3 ; HE seems to have a lot going on with HIS job as STUDENT. ( qiu, 18+, they/he/she, est. ) 

hello hello everyone !! i’m qiu and any pronouns are cool w me !!! this is my first krp (tbh first rp in a solid bit) so i might get confused here and there but the admins here are sososo helpful so hopefully nothing will throw me off too bad !! im happy to be here and my dms are always open !! though tbh i do prefer to use discord bc sometimes tumblr likes to commit crimes and eat messages </3 just hmu and ill give you it or add you!! if i dont reply to an im in like a day pls send an ask !! 

i have an about pg that ill work on a little more but ill just write out a short little thing here to get the blog going !

! SUMMARY/TRIVIA ! [⤍ park jae-sung ● 20 yrs old ● uni student ]

- likes to be occupied ;; fully the type to be cooking a full course meal at four am just because he was studying and just needed to do anything else. also the type to let anyone in to eat it ! - non-native ;; from the u.s.! it’s actually his first year in korea ever so his korean can be odd-sounding a lot as even though it’s his native language, it’s not actually the one(english) he knows best !! when speaking in english, he has a southern accent - money-saver ;; buys things in sets exclusively to save money!! he’s more of the frugal type tbh when it comes to things other than bills !! if he recognizes you pls expect him to have random things on him that he’ll offer you like a grandpa offering his grandchild twenty dollars - skillfully independent ;; after living majority of his life mainly on his own, jae-sung can do housework fairly well as well as cook !! not super well, but it tastes better than worse most of the time !!!  - hug-bug ;; if you give him the go-ahead, he’s incredibly physically affectionate !! it’s to the point sometimes he doesn’t even notice, like placing a hand on someone’s back or their own hand ! though, since he’s in korea now, courtesy of his parents’ advice, he’s been trying to rein it in a little ! but no matter w who, he likes to hold hands or hug or link arms or give a bro kiss or anything similar !! - romance averted ;; it’s not that he’s trying to avoid thinking or anything about it, it’s that it honestly doesn’t have much place in his life at all, so it’s never the first thing to come to mind. unfortunately, he’ll gal-pal everyone, assuming everyone are just friends up until people tell him explicitly otherwise - indecisive ;; there really is no choice he feels 100% on. as soon as anyone suggests anything else, he’s quick to switch over, even if he already had a position. the things he can’t change on are things he’s always been mulling over - reckless ;; jae-sung loves to do whatever to distract himself, and it’s pretty obvious in how he literally leaps from building to building away from home. he has a deep love for freerunning, and he’s good at it too (even has a yt channel where he posts a lot of it!), though it doesn’t look it; he always has some bruises or cuts on him. he also loves to try out any sort of trick w any sport such as skateboarding or iceskating!! falling is just part of the fun to him - responsible ;; yeah, it’s a little weird to follow w this, but he really is !! he’s responsible in the ohhhhh crap i have to start on this essay now if i want to be done in time pls learn from me everyone :pensive: type of way. he more so encourages and helps other people to be able to manage themselves, however, sometimes he should really follow his own advice when it comes to self-care.

! WANTED CONNECTIONS ! [ heres the pg for it but it’s all the same prompts word for word tbh ] 

- family first ;; you’re family ! it tbh doesn’t matter what branch of the family you are or anything else, you’re family that maybe met jae-sung over a whatsapp or fb messenger videocall when y’all were young once ! or they can be super close, tbh i dont mind whatever !! - lending a hand ;; jae-sung has a habit of taking care of others first before anything else. whether or not your muse is consciously taking advantage of that, to your muse, jae-sung helps out by giving food or doing chores w you or letting you stay over or any other small job !! this can also work the other way around ! - opposites attract ;; yeah <3 maybe your muse is cold or the rebellious type or anything !!  - guide ;; jae-sung is new to the city and your chara helps jae-sung go out and learn the areas around !!  - buddies ;; i am already running out of ideas </3 but !! this is just someone (or multiple people!!) who jae-sung is constantly over at their place or they’re constantly over at jae-sung’s !! while they don’t have to enjoy every death-defying stunt jae-sung attempts, they still come along ! y’all are just buds who hang out !!  - internet friend ;; the two of you have a history that’s mostly written !! we can work out details !! - lost and found ;; he dropped a notebook and when you saw it on the ground, maybe you picked it up, maybe not, you saw a bad drawing. the highlighter is not even in the pencil lines. he’s sort of embarrassed about it at first, but offers to draw a portrait of you anyways just to find anything to move onto  - brother figure ;; to jae-sung, you’re a sibling figure. what that entails is up to you !!  - wait what? ;; jae-sung learned something he wasn’t supposed to and is now paying the price genuinely :pensive: major f but it rly just be like that sometimes - anything !! ;; we can come up w anything or combine these or whatever !! im open to anything !!  ^^ everything above is open to all genders !!  [04:13AM EDIT] omg this is so embarazzing but i completely forgot to add if youre more comfortable being dmed than dming, just like the post !! i’ll hit you up !!

[tac-confessions]

K lemme clear some stuff up since some of you cant read, and yes im gunna be aggressive as hell in this because none of you listen

First few things, i am not suicidal, i did not say i was going to off myself, i do not know who that anon was but because of everyone saying that anon was me, that anon is not getting the help they deserve from you people so maybe instead of looking for another petty reason to justify your actions against me, think for a second how ignorant your actions are to someone who is legitimately struggling with life right now. How do you think that anon feels? To have posted that as an attempt to seek help or something or to vent, and then see everyone going “omg vlixxie did this to guilt trip deku!!1!” Yeah, please use your brains thank you

To clarify, what i said was that i have struggled with suicidal thoughts and tendancies in the past, im getting help and im getting better, but i still struggle with heavy depression, i did not intend for this to be a guit trip, i realized how aggressive i was towards deku and i attempted to explain why i got so angry at them, receiving vivid violence threats like that really can trigger memories of when i was struggling with life, it can trigger a lot of dissociation and anger and hard shit to deal with, please do not take my words out of context if your going to go off on me for that, no one likes a hypocrite

K second thing, can you FUCK OFF with the ableist autism comments what the actual fuck is wrong with you anons. Seriously? You think people are defending me because im uwu autistic cant do shit? Yeah i have autism, yeah its a disorder thats hard af to deal with, but you know what? I fucking deal with it because life doesnt go soft on you because yoy have more trouble navigating it. I know how to control myself, i know how to form words, i can function as a human being and implying that i cant and that thats the only reason people are defending me is sickening and dehumanizing. Stop minimalizing me and the autistic community as a fucking whole just because you want reasons for me to be at fault

Next point, the slurs, oh the slurs, deku used the R slur against me. Deku did not know i was autistic, i did not ever expect them to have known that as i didnt tell them so i’d appreciate it if you dropped that whole “how could deku know!!” Im not mad because deku used a specific slur against autistic people against me. Im mad because deku used a slur as an insult. As i have been informed, deku also has some kind of disorder, but thats none of my business so i wont ask. The point is, deku has a disorder so in technicality he is likely eligable to reclaim the R slur. The issue with how deku used the slur was they used it as an insult, thats not how reclaiming works, reclaiming a slur is a process used by the minority to slowly take the edge away, to take away its power, so it cant be used against them anymore. When you “reclaim” a slur by using it as an insult, your giving it more power, your using it to descriminate, your doing literally the oposite of reclaiming. So dont come at me with the “deku can use the slur” because while thats true, using a slur to belittle or insult someone takes away any rights you might have and makes you just as discriminatory as anyone else using a slur as an insult

My triggers, so as i gave mentioned in this and as i have mentioned in notes and past posts, violence indicators and threats in general are pretty triggering for me, i dont know why ya’ll started saying “how could deku know??” Because i never said i expected them to know, newsflash, i really dont. Im not open about most of my triggers because most are centered around trauma or are embarrassing to talk about, ya’ll think i wanna be out here talking about how i used to wanna off myself? Ya’ll think im enjoying that? Nah not one bit i’d rather shut my damn mouth on that but it’d just give you people yet another reason to come at me so here we are. Deku did not know those two things would especially set me off, but the fact of the matter is that deku used a slur against me, and deku threatened me. Wether those two things are triggers for me or not they’re disgusting behavior and sick. The reason i brought up the triggers was like i said earlier, to try and explain why i got so aggressive at deku in addition to the original nature of the threats and insults

I legitimately dont know what “evidence” ya’ll have against me but your claiming you got screenshots of me doing/saying something that apparently warrants you to attack me, before ya’ll start sending those screens out like u claim your gunna do, maybe you should dm me and ask for my side, instead of furthering the one sided nature of this shitshow. I do have beef with endo rn, i have had beef with endo for a while now, but i kept it all in private, i didnt say anyting, i vented to my friends a few times because it was stressful as fuck and it was eating me up inside, i gave them screenshots when they asked but i literally never took this public. So before you try to attack me for “publicly” shaming endo, maybe consider that you are literally the people who made this a public affair and literally publicly shamed *me* for nothing

You had no reason to make this public, you had no reason to attack me, you’re grasping at straws trying to find a way to justify your actions, your trying to use me as a scape goat to take the blame off you, but you know what? I own up to my actions, i apologize when necessary, i genuinely want to better myself when i fuck up. And i dont use my mental health or my disorders as a sheild, i explain them when it’s necessary to the situation so dont twist that against me because it’ll only make you more of an asshole

Finally, people arent defending me because i have autism, people arent defending me because im “helpless” people are not defending me because i cant control myself or for any reason your describing, people are defending me because someone blatantly publicly threatened me with no basis and continued to harrass me and bully me into submission. To keep saying people are defending me because i have autism is not only offensive to me as a person with autism, its offensive to the whole ass community, we can take care of ourselves, just because we’re different doesnt mean you can pick our strengths and weaknesses apart and force an identity upon us

So before you make another post trying to further pin everything on me and make more shitty comments against me to justify yourself, consider that maybe you actually fucked up

And for the record, you keep saying i fucked up and im deflecting and i got called out, no one has told me how i fucked up, no one has told me why i apparently deserve this, so how the fuck do you expect me to apologize for actions i did that you wont tell me about. I cant apologize for things i didnt know offended or hurt you, not unless you downright tell me that it hurt you, im not a mind reader, and publicly shaming me isnt going to change that

Thank you.

[lez-exclude-men]

im in high school right now and i just... hate it. so much. ive been on 3 different antidepressants, the schoolwork is just too much, i really just despise high school. all the drama and everything, i just hate it. my parents esp my dad just tell me im too negative and emotional and need to change my mindset as if i like being sad all the time... does life get better after hs? and how do i make it go by quicker?

Apologies for the delay, I wanted to make sure I was in the right head space to answer this as best I can.

Spend your energy on classes you enjoy, not classes that you're told to take for college. You are living right now, and while planning for the future is important, overloading yourself for the uncertain future is bad for your mental health. A low (but passing) grade in a class you dont care about and are told you should care about isn't a big deal, I promise.

Figure out where the drama is primarily coming from. Decrease your social interactions with them, effective immediately. If they're your friend and you care about them, you can still maintain that relationship without being privy to their drama, it just takes some balance and practice. Are you feeding into the drama in any way? Reevaluate your actions and see what you can do differently in the future.

Find a hobby you love and that CREATES something. Seriously I can not stress how helpful this is with mental health, especially depression. Ideally this is something you can take with you to school, or at least look forward to doing once you get home. Make it part of your daily, or at least weekly, routine. When things get rough and you need a break from the negativity, throw yourself into the hobby. For me, it ended up being crocheting. I can whip up a hat in a couple hours. And when depression would tell me I was awful and worthless, I would make an imperfect hat and go, see??? It's not perfect, but I MADE something that does a thing. Even better if I could give it to a friend and it would make them smile-- bc they were holding an achievement of mine, complete with all its flaws, and loving it. And that external, unsolicited and pure joy and validation was easy to turn into something I could wave in depressions face.

As for making hs go faster, free up some time. This is advice that isn't really approved of by teachers and parents, but it honestly helps a lot. Is there a class that you're good in without trying too hard, that gives you a lot of homework? Ideally this is a class that you make an A in but wouldn't mind a B, or make a B but wouldn't mind a C. Now, look at the homework category in your grades. How much of your class grade does it make up? 5% (no joke I had a class like that)? Congrats! As long as you pay attention and study, you can get by with never turning in another assignment. Quit doing homework. 10%? Do assignments here and there, but again, just keep up with the class material so you do well on tests and skipping homework isnt a big deal. 20-50%? Do the math, and see how many zeros you can have before it has a major impact on your grade. Congrats! When you're having a particularly rough week, purposefully get a zero on the homework for this class. Just keep an eye on your grades. 60%+? Be careful. Be very careful. But you can still miss an assignment on occasion. Or, as the better approach is, on the lengthy assignments, do the bits that are easiest, and half ass the hard parts. Congrats!!!! By doing this you have freed up some extra time to work on your hobby, or sleep. Which brings me to my next point...

Prioritize sleep. There's a balance to be had, of course, but if you've already hung out with your friends a few times this week, say no the next time they ask and go home and take a nap. If you have an off period, find a comfy chair or corner somewhere, and set a timer on your phone for 20-30 minutes. Cat nap that bitch. THEN do whatever you normally do in your off period. Try to get at least NINE hours of sleep each night. Don't be one of those kids that "competes" by saying "omg I only got 4 hours". While this may give you some temporary social status as everyone ooos and awwws over your seemingly superhuman self, it's not worth it. Trust me. I was one of those kids and we were all dead inside. Get some sleep. It makes everything so much easier to deal with. That said, dont beat yourself up if you dont get enough sleep one night. You're already going to have a rough day, dont make it worse on yourself.

Your dad doesn't understand mental illness. Depression isn't an outlook you choose, but an uphill struggle to try and enjoy some small part of your life. It's rough, it sucks, but it IS possible to manage. Discard all negative blogs you might have or follow rn. Be careful in how much you listen to depressing music. It has a time and place, and that is not when you're feeling at your worst or your best, but when you're just feeling a little shitty and need the outlet to get through the day. Keep a journal. Be as dramatic as you'd like in that girl, no one is gonna see her. Just make sure to end each journal entry with two things about today that lifted your mood, and one thing (no matter how small) that you can look forward to tomorrow.

Things do get better after high school, but that doesn't mean you should just wallow and wait and pray for this to go by as quick as possible. You have a life, right now, that is waiting to be lived. It's time for some spring cleaning, and then off on whatever adventure the day brings!

You've got this, I believe in you!!! And if you want more advice or clarification or just want to vent, feel free to come into my ask box again or stop by my dms. I'm no therapist, but I've been where you are, and I can try to help in all the ways o know how.💖

[judefan824-blog]

echoing the pronouncements of his defense

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[fuck-customers]

I work at a not western grocvery store. Im split between two departments. Which is frustrating because I really love one and loathe the other. No one even asked or told me… Just your in the other one now. One of my Department managers is the reason I hate it. In this DM’s(Department manager) eyes, before I was split, I could do nothing right. Nothing was clean enough (I usually had to close.) But when I ask co workers they tell me everything is fine. I have a hundred things to clean(each taking a minimum of 5-10 minutes) plus dishes in two-three hours and I am usually the only one back there. Im not going to get everything perfectly, Im sorry. They are the only person I have issues with. I honestly feel a bit target because my parents are pretty active in the community and the DM is apart if that community and knows who my parents are.

This was before I split. Its been about three weeks since I was placed back there and Im back again for the forsee able future. I had to work yesterday and today. Yester day I worked with them and they were as sweet as fucking candy. They told me I was one of the few working in the back who knew how to clean. And that they are giving more hours to those of us who do clean and yada yada. It was so confusing to hear that. All I could think was ‘abscence makes the heart grow fonder’ and didnt believe a single word that came out of their mouth.

Ive had two insane expeirences with customers.

The first one was in the department I love. We have a donut case which is baked from that morning. The donuts that arent bought are placed in a box to go to the break room. I had already done this and had set them so I could grab the donuts on the way out. Well a customer came by and wanted some.Keep in mind Im closing and I have about thirty minutes maybe an hour to finish. Still no biggie, I tell them one moment and wash my habds and put on gloves. Cuz corporate. Turn around to ask him and the fool and walked away to talk to someone. Just.. What?!? I dont unda erstand why customers do this. The Fool didnt even tell thwir wife wtf he wanted just, walked off. I waited for him to come back, eveb calling him to let him know. After a minute I went back to cleaning cuz Idgf anymore, I got to clean. Then the fool reappears, so I have to wash my hands all over again to serve him. So I grabn the box set it down on the table and ask him what he wants. He comes behind the counter to tell me.Like fuck no. You dont fucking come behind the fucking counter. Im a fucking 18 year old by my fucking self, no coworkers in sight. Ask me what I have. That made me so super fucking uncomfortable. I will give the man grace because when I uncmortably asked him to move back to where he should be, he did and apologized. So he got his donuts and left.

The second one happened in the department I loathe. Its like 9:30 and me and the DPM are frying chicken for order. Each being 150-200 pieces, meaning walk in customers wont get any till way afterwards. Most are pretty understanding about this and will wait or move the fuck on, but not this customer. Old guy walks in ask for chicken. I tell him we dont have any for walk ins. He tells me he called yesterday and was told chicken would be ready. I apologize and tell him our orders come first. He then tries to tell me that he has a family reunion 100 miles away and he really needs this. I tell him i will swe what I can do and go back to tell the DPM. The dpm goes uo to him, repeats what i said and the guy throws a fit. Starts asking what other excuses qre we going tk give and that it wouldnt happen with the other manager(The store had a leadership change recently). The DPM made a face and I knew what was about to happen. The DPM cooly told him that he would have to wait. Orders came first. The man then told us propmtly told her he would take his buisness else where and both of us were like IDGAF. You want your chicken you shpuld have ordered it.

[favoredsouls]

Remy Sivaron

Idk if i ever told this story of one of my favorite characters. Its a time i worked with the dm to tell the characters story. We planned it out, he gave me some meta knowledge that fell in line with my goal, and we let the pieces fall into place. There were alot of what ifs because there were still 3 other players. I knew i may not get to achieve my goal and we didnt tell anyone the plan so they would do what they wanted to do. I was a good enough role player by this point to adjust my goal if it came up. It didnt. So like i said. It fell into place.

Remy was a half elf with one goal in mind. To become famous. It was all he used his powers for. To be well known. When he lay awake at night he told himself he would be a god or the next best thing. He didnt know how true that would be.

Sivaron was a noble name. The family were the lords of a border mining town between Roon (Remys homeland) and Tilanor. Roon was purist human country bordering the Sylvanwood for a time. Despite stigma and rascism humans still had relations with the elves. Half elves became a thing. Civil war struck roon after decades of prejudice and Tilanor was born.

Back to the Sivarons. They led the mining operations of their town and fought in the Civil War. Remy was the youngest of the family and doesnt remember the conflict. He was kept in the castle for safety and he was but a babe anyway. The conflict would set the stage for the familys downfall. The mines would dry up after Tilanor won its independence.

Remy still knew a life of luxury. He was constantly dotted on as the youngest and shown off to other families but people knew the Sivarons werent long for the world. They humored them. Came to their parties that were attempts at forming alliences with the other nobles. To show an air of strength in their fading wealth.

Remy had several older siblings but the eldest was a proud son. He demandex respect even when his family was losing it. When he was sent to a gala on behlaf of the family he would be killed in a duel he started. One insult led to another and he found himself dead. This was the final nail in the Sivaron coffin as no one wanted to help the family after that.

Remy had started to develop magically at this time. So much that family had started to keep him from the public eye. Roon had a prejudice against all magic as well. Saw it as an impurity and a crutch. He would be sent away by the family to a secluded temple in Tilanor with his rothers death as they feared they could no longer care for him.

The temple saw him for what was. A favored of the gods. Though in the absence of any god claiming him they had assumed him to be one of their gods. I dont remember their name but it was a god of love i think. They raised him from their on and he never saw his family again. The temple was silent on the matter, insisting he should "let them go". He stopped caring after awhile. He barely saw his parents and only his eldest brother paid him any mind. He was dead now.

Remy lost the attention he had grown fond of. Of strangers and servents givning him what wanted. Compliments and service. Without any real family or money he only had the worship of monks. He grew to like this. He knew he wasnt favored by their god but he knew how to lie. When they consideded it as a possibility he started talking of visions and dreams. They ate it up for years.

They would send him out into the world on his world he would help people. He instead became an adventurer and helped people in his own way. He acted as a kind of evangel, performing miracles for the downtrodden and he reveled in their thanks. He always acted as favored by whatever god was popular in that town. Namely the sun god since he visited some farming communities.

Some would figure him out. Chase him away or stop giving him free shit. Remy would be hurt but move on quickly. He traveled through Tilanor, the Sylvanwood, and Vodsguard but never went home to Roon. They wouldnt buy his magic acts and besides. His elves features came in during his teens.

He did this for ten years before he was approached by a hooded figure who promised he knew who favored Remy. Remy didnt care too much for faith but knowing would make lying easier. Maybe he wouldnt even need to lie anymore. So he let the guy talk to him for abit. Then he was knocked out via drugged wine and woke up under the effects of a Geas.

He kneq he had to go to lanwar and so he did. From their the campaign started. To shorten this as its already pretty long. They were to find a divine relic. We learned along the way it was used by former vampire to become a god. We delivered it to the hooded figure, an inevitable, and worked to stop him.

We learned he was going to use it to ascend and in order to do that he needed a great deal of power. Either alot of souls or one godly soul. He was after the elven god king. The sylvanwood was being invaded by demons on accounts of tears between that world and theirs. The godkings extended prescence on the world was too much for it.

We rallied armies and fought our way to his throneroom. An ascension chamber from when he became a god. We fought and killed the inevitable, aquired the sphere of divinity and had to answer a question. The god king would die. There was no stopping that. His soul would transcend but something had to be done about the energy that would be released on his death. By this point Remy had learned alot of things. That his power seemed to come from within himself and from a current divine. His friends had learned he was a liar but a sweetheart. He had pieced together that he was his own god. A god of time. He favored himself from the future to set him on the right path. He still had to make the choice and become a god.

So with the parties blessing, he used the fallout of the god kings death in a rituaal to ascend. He ceased and became a god. It couldve gone differently. We couldve walked away. Anyone else couldve taken the oppurtunity. I made sure to wait in case someone else wanted to before i revealed remys ambitions.

He was fun. I never played a liar before. I never completed a campaign before. I used to date that dm but we broke up before the last session. Were not friends aanymore. About six months later he started dating someone and he seemed to change. Or maybe i was blind to who he really was. Probably both. Suffice it to say his then girlfriend threatened my best friend and i stopped talking to him.

Anyway. That was Remy Sivaron and how i became my own god. Dont know if he still uses him in that setting or not. Dont really care. Im happy about how i played that character. A mix of selfish and selfless. A journey of learning he had to be himself and that he didnt need to lie anymore.

I miss Remy alot nowadays.

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Common, Regular, Ordinary (Jungkook x You x Taehyung ONESHOT)

A/N: Hello @you-need-namjesus Thankyou for your request. I am sorry to hear that. No one deserves to be feeling like you do right now and I might not know you are or know what you are going through but there's always gonna be sunshine after a storm. Im glad you find my writing to be helping you through the rough times, as so many other writers has done for me. If you ever feel the need to talk or rant, feel free to slide into my DM or ask box. I can talk to you about the seriousness of things to the silliest of topics 😊. You can even go anonymously if you prefer. I want to be here for you. And I want you to remember you are not alone. 😘

And I hope this story fits your request and please enjoy <3

MASTERLIST

Y/N pulled her mask to secure it around her face and adjust her black trench coat around her body. Its going to be a long day today, she can already feel it.

"You ready?" She smile behind the mask and nodded her head to the girl next to her, her most loyal assistant and pushed her sunglasses on.

"Lets go," the assistant ushered her out. Y/N takes a deep breath and steps out from her private plane. She secretly thanked god for the invention of private planes, or else she wont know how her tired body is ever going to able to cope. She's been basically living on air and airport to airport for the last six months with her hectic schedule thats being planned for all around the world. Looking back, its funny how just a few years back she have to save up all her money for months just for an economy ticket to Jeju and now she owns not one but two private jets and have a whole entourage walking out behind her. She walks out and lifted her head to sniff the fresh air that smells so familiar and she badly missed.

She's finally back home.

After five most tiring years of her life, shes back.

Shes finally back after she swore to herself five years ago that she wont ever step her foot in her home country ever again before she made it big.

She work night and day to achieve that dream, believing and knowing that someday she will be able to fly home again.

They start walking into the airport and she can already hear the faint screams of her fans. Barriers are already set up along the walkway from her plane to the car and security dressed in black lined up, ready to protect her if need be. Once the main arrival door opened, the screams got so loud and the crowd was overwhelming. She took in her surrounding and saw the whole airport is deck out with her fans, screaming and shouting her name, she felt bad for the other people who is unfortunate enough to fly out at this airport today. She look around and some fans are even crying, some are holding cardboard cards with her name on it and shoving flowers and gifts towards her, which her assistants happily accepted on her behalf. Her managers used to tell her that its dangerous to get close to the fans just to accept their gifts, but Y/N insisted that they do. The fans worked hard to make or buy the gifts, especially for her. The least she could do for these people who made her who she is today is to accept it with a smile and an open heart.

Afterall, without them, L/N Y/N is just another ordinary girl from a small little town.

Ordinary.

Regular. Common.

"We cant do this anymore. I...I mean, I cant do this anymore," he gather all courage and try to look into her eyes. What he sees is clear  pain and sadness. "I'm sorry Y/N. I love you. But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Ordinary?" She mumbled the words. Yes, she knows she is just a normal university student who everyday life only includes attending classes and a part time job in a student's cafe. She doesnt go on tours or spend her days in studios and practice room. But... does Jungkook, the love of her life Jungkook, who was supposed to make her feel special, need to call her ordinary? Y/N looked down at her attire and self conciousness starts to overwhelm her. Jungkook looks like a God with his perfectly fitted skinny ripped jeans and white shirt, paired with a leather jacket and here she sat, in last night's overside shirt and worn out shorts. She starts to pull on her shirt, adjusting it and tucking her hair, trying to make her look more 'less' ordinary, feeling self concious about her looks.

"I... I know I'm just a normal girl, but we are in love... arent we? Does it really matter to you that I'm just someone living an ordinary life?"

"I do love you... but Y/N... its something I have to do. I need someone who is more suited for me,"

Y/N shakes her head to clear the painful memory from her mind and picked up her pace to get to the car faster. She only just landed and she already feeling extremely exhausted, wanting nothing more than to get into the hotel and rest her tired mind away as fast as she could.

/////

"You have this first week free Y/N, before the landslide of schedule comes in. What do you want to do?" Meen A smile at her. Meen A is one of her oldest assistant. She was with her when she was just a young, naive, ordinary girl, and with the years they have spend together, she quickly become her best friend rather than her assistant. "Shopping? Spa? Facial? Walking around? Or just sleeping?" she chuckles. Y/N giggle. Sleeping does sound tempting. She rarely have enough time to sleep as it is. But... she has another exciting plan to execute.

"Do you even have to ask?" They look at each other before squealing at the same time.

"Food!"

/////

They walked along the busy street hand in hand, Y/N wrapped in her masked, coat and scraf, sunglasses donning her face to conceal her identity.

"Do you really think people wont recognize you with this silly getup?" Meen A eyes her before looking at the people walking who are already whispering.

"They wont! Im not that well known! Besides, they are just looking because who wear black clothes that covers almost everything in the middle of summer," Meen A rolled her eyes.

"Are you kidding me? You are currently the world No 1 celebrity! You are the most sought after multi talented singer, composer, actress, director, entrepeneur, model, fashion icon and girl next door rolled in one!" She exclaimed. "You hang out with Taylor Swift! You walk the runway with Kendall Jenner! Tyra Banks invited you to tea and Drake to his album launch! Even Justin Bieber tried to make a move on you. I cant barely keep up with your social calendar. Everybody wants to be you or be with you! How is that not considered a No 1 celebrity?"

"Stop exaggareting! They are just my friends! I'm not all that and you know it,"

"No. You stop being so humble! You are all that and you know it" Meen A huffed in frustration, as she always does whenever they have this conversation, making Y/N smile. "I think you are the only celebrity in this world who didnt let all your fame and riches get over you head. You are really great. But I always wonder why,"

"There's a special someone that I once met and there's just something that he told me that stays in my heart. His words hit me hard and after all these years, I believe he has a point," Y/N smile softly at the memory.  "And I want nothing more than to just be an ordinary girl,"

Her mind drifted back to the day he met that particular stranger. The day that mark the changing of the rest of her life for good.

/////

"Lets eat here! Its secluded and not many people around. Also, I heard they served the best food here!" Meen A pulled her hand into a restaurant and they took a table at a back corner. This restaurant was said to be popular among celebrities and is often frequented by them.

"Oh my god. Isnt that-" Meen A gasps in excitement when they make their way to the back table, making Y/N raised her head from shoving her mask and sunglass inside her bag and look at what is making her friend so happy. She looks up to find seven pair of eyes with a table filled with food, all looking at the two of them. She was confused as her eyes roamed to each and every one of them.

Who are they? Are they someone well known too?

Y/N doesnt really update herself about the celebrities and the music industry in her home country. Not because she thinks she's too good for them. No, not at all. Its because she didnt want to know about a certain someone. She doesnt want to know anything at all.

"But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

And that certain someone is looking straight back at her as her eyes falls on the seventh person on the table.

"-Bangtan!" Meen A squeal.

Y/N automatically starts to panic as she tries to grabs Meen A, dragging her out from there, surpising her friend who was too caught up with the shocmed of finally meeting her favorite idol.

Jungkook quickly rise from his seat the moment her eyes catches his. The eyes that is so familiar, too familiar. The eyes that he has been looking for for the past five years. Seeing how panic she is and how she started to reached out for her friend and make her exit immediately, Jungkook rushed over and grabbed her hand, the rest of his hyungs watching in confusion and amazement.

What is going on?

"Y/N! Wait. Please. Plesase I'm begging you. Wait," he pleads, but Y/N maintained her head looking at the ground, her body slightly shaking and Jungkook realized she is crying. Meen A finally snapped herself out from the shocked and held onto Jungkook's arm that's holding her hand.

"Sir... I think its best you let her go,"

"No," Jungkook shakes her head, frowning and desperate. "I cant. I wont be able to see her again. Please Y/N. Look at me. Talk to me," he turned towards Y/N and beg. Meen A sense the distress her friend is feeling and her hold on Jungkook's arm tighten.

"You have to let her go. Now. Or else I have no other choice but to call Miss Y/N's security team,"

"No. No. There is no need for that," Namjoon is immediately by their side, smiling his dimpled smile at Meen A. "Im sorry. I dont know what is going on with our maknae. But we will let her go now. Jungkook, let go of her hand," his voice is filled with dominance that Jungkook shakes a little. Its rare to see Namjoon like this. Only during times when he knew he had screwed up big times. And apparently today is one of the time.

"Now, Jungkook,"

"But hyung..."

Y/N's body shakes even more although she kept her head low and turned, not wanting to see even a strand of hair that belongs to Jungkook. Everything about him hurts her and reminds her of the heart break she felt that she had never really recovered from. Meen A began to worry. Y/N is slowly starting to go into hyperventilation.

How does she know Bangtan? She never speak of them before? And what makes her so scared of the maknae? So many questions filled Meen A mind but her hand is quicker as she dialled the other manager who is with the car. Y/N might think that she is able to walk freely, but little did she know that with her mega celebrity status, her manager and security team is always only a few step behind, hidden, whenever she goes out.

Specifically for an emergency occasion like this.

"Kookie... I think you should let go okay. We promise we will get to see her again," Taehyung stood up and try to persuade the determined maknae. He dont know who Jungkook is clinging on to but it seems that the girl is trying her very best to get away from him.

"How do you know hyung? I...I," Jungkook's eyes are already glazed with unshed tears. He cant let go. Not now, when he finally gets her back.

"I know... uh because we will contact this Miss and we will meet them again!" Namjoon quickly came out with something and look at Meen A for help, who nodded her agreement quickly.

"Here is my card. Call me and make an appointment to see Miss Y/N. But for now, please let her go," she tugged on Jungkook's hand who finally lets go. Y/N immediately ran out of the restaurant before Jungkook could say anything.

"Uh thank you. Just... call. If you need anything," Meen A ran out immediately only to find Y/N collapsed on the sidewalk not far fron the restaurant, crying her eyes out.

Oh, Y/N. What happened to you?

"What the hell was that Kook?!" Namjoon yelled at him the moment Y/N and Meen A ran out of the restaurant. "You cant just grab random people like that!"

"Yeah, especially girls who look deathly afraid of you," Yoongi added from the table.

"She's not a random girl..." Jungkook managed to meekly defend himself.

"Yes. She is definitely not random. She's L/N Y/N, the mega superstar. She could sue us and Tae would have to sell every Gucci he owns to pay for it, and that still wont be enough! What are you thinking Kookie?" Hoseok yelled out from across the table.

"Shit. That's the Y/N?" Namjoon turned to Hoseok who nodded. Just realizing with whom they just encountered. "I didnt get to see her face clearly just now,"

"She's not just Y/N to me..." Jungkook explained, head bowed down to the table. The rest of his hyungs looks at him curiously. "She's my first love,"

"What?!"

The rest of the boys starts to bombared him with questions. Demanding the maknae to explain everything that happened between him and Y/N.

During the commotion, they didnt realized that there is someone who is still repeating the recent event in his head, throughly trying to memorize the face that she tried to hide from them. Taehyung is still staring at the door where Y/N just ran out from, his mind spinning, lost in thoughts.

Why does it feel like I have known her before?

/////

"Are you okay? What happened back there?" Meen A turned her body to face her friend who is now wrapped in a blanket curled up in a ball on her bed. It took her a while to dragged Y/N from the sidewalk and coaxed her to stop crying, before the by standers who started to give them weird looks recognized who she is. Y/N was short on breath and panicking the whole time and Meen A was worried to death. She had never seen her like this. Not even before one of her biggest performace. She was always calm, happy and all smiles.

What does Jeon Jungkook have, or possibly did, that could possibly make her like this?

"Y/N? Dont you want to tell me?" She asks softly, as she slides into bed beside her, hands carressing her hair. "I have never seen you like this. Im worried. Can you please tell me what happened?" She tries again and is still met with silenced. Meen A takes a deep breath and reluctantly asks the question that she knew could trigger her best friend.

"Is it... something to do with Jeon Jungkook?

At the sound of his name Y/N turned around and hug her tight, tears wetting her tshirt as she starts to cry again. Meen A just hugged her back and wait until she calms down. Whatever happened between them must have broken her into pieces.

"He... he," she tried to spit out the words between sobs. "He... Jung...Jungkook... is my first love,"

"What?" Meen A's eyes widen. How come she didnt know about this? Y/N was in a relationship with a member of such a well known group? "What happen then Y/N? You can tell me..."

"He broke my heart Meen A," she raised her head and stare straight into her eyes. She can see the hurt and pain in Y/N's eyes so vivid and clear, it gives chills down to her spine. "He broke my heart and changed my life forever,"

People say that being a teenager in love is the best feeling in the world, and Y/N couldnt agree more. She was only 15 when she and Jungkook got together. After countless exchange of shy smiles and late night texts, Jungkook finally found his courage and ask her to be his under a starless sky.Their relationship was strong and happy, even when Jungkook was accepted as a trainee, nothing seem to change for them.

"Nothing will change. I promise. Maybe I wont be able to see you or call you as much as before, but I love you Y/N, wait for me. I will come back for you and make you proud," was the promise Jungkook made her and the promise that she strongly held on too. True to his promise, Jungkook never forgets her, he still comes home to see her whenever he could, spending sleepless nights kissing and holding each other tight.

The success came to Jungkook and his group like rapid fire the moment they debuted, and soon enough his schedule was packed to the brim. Y/N maintained her ordinary life as an ordinary teenager, getting a placed in one of the country top university give her the opportunity to move to town and be closer to Jungkook. Their relationship, although always comes second to Jungkook's career, is still filled with loved and happiness. Y/N was too drunk in love and consumed with happiness that she doesnt care that Jungkook has to hide their relationship, or the fact that he barely has time for her. She thought they would last forever. She thought his love for her would be enough to last them till eternity.

But everything change one fateful day.

She hasnt seen him for months since he was on tour, a normal occurance when you are dating a celebrity. What's not normal is Jungkook seems to call her less, replied to her text less and doesnt seem too excited to hear her voice whenever she managed to call him. She shrugged it off as exhaustion and think nothing of it. They have been together for so long, its already his fourth year after debut. There couldnt possibly be anything wrong right?

"Kookie!" She jumped on him for a kiss the moment he entered but he dodged her, making her confused for a moment before shrugging it off. Maybe he is just tired. They havent seen one another for months now and he is finally back from tour! She miss him so much. "Where's your luggage?" She looks behind him to see nothing.

"I..ah left it at the dorm," he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why? You are not staying over tonight?"

"Listen... about that. I have to tell you something," he held her hand and lead her to the couch. They sat with their body turned to faced each other.

"What's wrong Kookie? Did something happen? Is everyone okay?" Jungkook just look at her face. The face he knows he's going to miss so much after today.

"Everyone's alright," he answered softly. "Y/N... you know how much recognition Bangtan is getting now right?" She nodded and smile. She couldnt hide how happy and proud she is for him, although nobody knows her relation with the maknae.

"And you know how our every move is being watch right?"

"Yes..." Where is Jungkook going with this?

"I dont think we can hide our relationship anymore," Y/N's eyes widen and sparkle.

"Kookie, are you saying we should go public?" She squeals. "I can finally do boyfriend things with you! I had always wanted to go to the park and watch the city from the top of the ferris wheels with you!" That was her only wish. She didnt want to ride on Jungkook's popularity. She just wants to be in love and spend time with her boyfriend like everybody else does. That is the only thing she ever wanted from him.

"Urm... no Y/N.I'm sorry but that's not what I meant..." her face fell.

"Oh. Its okay Kookie," she let out a small smile. "Then what is it?"

"Listen... urmmm," Jungkook hesitates. "It wont be a problem if any one of us is caught dating. Our fans can accept that now," Y/N kept silent and focus on listening. "Who we are dating is going to be the problem,"

Y/N starts to feel anxious and felt her hear beats faster. What is he implying?

"What are you trying to say Jungkook?"

"We cant do this anymore. I...I mean, I cant do this anymore," he gather all courage and try to look into her eyes. What he sees is clear  pain and sadness. "I'm sorry Y/N. I love you. But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Ordinary?" She mumbled the words. Yes, she knows she is just a normal university student who everyday life only includes attending classes and a part time job in a student's cafe. She doesnt go on tours or spend her days in studios and practice room. But... does Jungkook, the love of her life Jungkook, who was supposed to make her feel special, need to call her ordinary? Y/N looked down at her attire and self conciousness starts to overwhelm her. Jungkook looks like a God with his perfectly fitted skinny ripped jeans and white shirt, paired with a leather jacket and here she sat, in last night's oversize shirt and worn out shorts. She starts to pull on her shirt, adjusting it and tucking her hair, trying to make her look more 'less' ordinary, feeling self concious about her looks.

"Y/N, stop. Please. That is not what I meant..." he grabbed her hand to stop her from covering herself from him. Maybe she wont believe him, but it pains him too to see her this way, hurt and on the brink of crying. But its just something he has to do.

"I... I know I'm just a normal girl, but we are in love... arent we? Does it really matter to you that I'm just someone living an ordinary life?"

"I do love you... but Y/N... its something I have to do. I need someone who is more suited for me," The moment he said it, Jungkook regret it. That is not definitely how he wanted the words to come out.

"More suited?" Her voice cracked. Years they have been together, and her status as a normal girl is apparently more important to him than their feelings. Well, maybe its just her. Maybe Jungkook has lost all feelings for her after all those years he debuted. After all, he met thousands of beautiful celebrities that is 'more suited' for him.

"Y/N..."

"No... its okay.I think you have made yourself perfectly clear. I'm too common. Too regular. Too ordinary to be with you... Jeon  Jungkook, the Golden Maknae of Bangtan, the most popular band right now. Its okay Jungkook, I get it," with that she gave one small smile and walked out, trying her best not to let the tears spilled. But who is she kidding? Jungkook has owned her heart from the moment she even know what love is, and now... he has broken it in every way possible.

"What. A. Fucking. Asshole!" Meen A is fuming with anger once Y/N finished her story. "Does he thinks he is all that?! He is just a singer and a dancer! I'm going to beat his ass up when I see him, that fucking asshole!" Y/N giggled at her friend between her tears.

"Its okay Meen A. It was five years ago. Its his life... I cant force him to love me,"

"But Y/N!" Meen A whined. "Why are you so nice?!" She huffed. "So... did you become this successful because you want to prove him wrong and make him eat his words? He must be crying seeing you now!"

Y/N giggled again. Meen A never fails to fascinates her. She shakes her head.

"Actually no. Contrary to that, its actually the opposite. I didnt want to know about anything in the industry anymore. I didnt update myself about anyone well know, mostly because it reminds me that I'm just ordinary, like Jungkook puts it, and also I didnt want to see him,"

"Then, what made you become... this?" Meen A motioned to her.

"I met a stranger one day. And that was the day my life changed forever," she smile.

She was crying as she finally found a bench in the quiet park. After months of being able to avoid hearing about any news regarding Jungkook, which is very hard since he is really popular, it finally come to her knowledge that Jungkook is now dating another maknae from a popular girl group. Her classmates has forcefully showed her the article, of course, not knowing the history she had with the said man and she cant help but feel her heart clenched at the sight of Jungkook happily kissing a pretty girl.

The girl is beautiful, and Y/N bet she is multi talented too. She is perfect for him. Special, wanted and definitely not ordinary.

"What are you crying for?" A voice from behind her startled her, only then she realized that someone has already occupied the bench that is placed back to back with hers. She turned her head and saw a man with a hat and masked secured on his face. She couldnt see his face clearly, but his piercing gaze is enough to fascinates her. However, there is a clear sadness in his eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing," she whispered back.

"If I tell you my story will you tell yours? I just need someone to talk to," Y/N contemplate for a moment and finally agreed to it. He is a stranger. She will never see him again anyway.

"My fan- urgh I mean my friends expected so much from me. I'm tired of it. I'm still just a normal man. Why cant they see that?"

"But... if they believed in you, doesnt that mean you are not just an average guy to start with? There must be something about you that makes them expect so much from you,"

"I guess... but... I dont like it,"

"Isnt that a great thing?" Y/N raised her eyebrows to the masked man. "To be loved? For people to think you are special? Capable of doing things? Not just someone normal and ordinary?"

"Not for me. I dont want people to see me as someone extra ordinary. I am not. I am just being me. This is who I am. Sometimes I wish that I could just blend in with others and not stand out so much,"

"You are really funny," she chuckles. "In this world where everybody tried to be special, why do you want to be ordinary?"

"No. You are the funny one," he retorted and his sharp gaze look straight into her eyes. Y/N swear she has never seen a pair of eyes looks so beautiful. "Because in a world full of people trying to be special, what is so wrong to ordinary?"

"Wow... that's deep," Meen A exclaimed with her mouth wide open. "But still, what I dont get is how does that makes you want to be who you are now?"

"Well... after I went home that day, I started thinking and he was right. He made me feel that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being ordinary. You might think I become who I am today to prove a point, but no... I just want to send a message to everyone out there, that ordinary people can be and do anything they want too if they put their mind to it. Just because people see you as nothing special, that doesnt mean you are short on deserving anything,"

Meen A looks at her in awe. "You are really something Y/N,"

"I might be something... but I will never be enough for Jeon Jungkook," she smile sadly.

"Y/N... do you... perhaps still love him?" Y/N was silenced for a moment by the sudden question. Jeon Jungkook... Does she still loves him? Its a question that she herself is afraid to ask.

"I dont know Meen A. But all I know is that I could never hate him. He might break my heart to pieces... but he is also the one who taught me what love is..."

/////

Y/N is back.

Jungkook ran his hand across his face as he slide down on the floor. Its been a day since the incident at the restaurant and he is restless. He has been pressuring Namjoon to contact that girl who was supposed to set up an appointment with Y/N but Namjoon has been hesitating, saying he should clear his mind first. He doesnt need time to clear anything! He has been waiting to see her for five years and now she's finally home. He needs to see her now!

His last memory of her has haunt him for years and he needs to talk to her. Even for just a second.

"No... its okay.I think you have made yourself perfectly clear. I'm too common. Too regular. Too ordinary to be with you... Jeon  Jungkook, the Golden Maknae of Bangtan, the most popular band right now. Its okay Jungkook, I get it," with that she gave one small smile and walked out, trying her best not to let the tears spilled.

Jungkook sat on the couchof her apartment after she left, not moving even an inch for hours as he still try to register the fact that he broke Y/N's heart. To say he fully regret what he did wont be true, since a part of him knows Y/N is really too normal to be with him. But he loves her, that much is true, and seeing her hurt is too much for him to bear. He shakes his head to get rid of the feeling and leave the apartment, turning around one last time to say goodbye to the years of memories he had with his first love.

A month passed and all sadness and regret seems to leave Jungkook's mind when he started a relationship with one of the other maknaes from a girl group. He finally got what he wanted. Being in a relationship with someone who is at the same level as him. Yurin is beautiful and talented, Jungkook loves everything about her. The only problem is that he dont feel in love with her.

The kisses are great, nights spend together are amazing but something just seems off. They talked about their music and live the same lifestyle, there is nothing wrong with their relationship at all. But... she's not Y/N.

As time passes by, Jungkook starts to miss the ordinary things that Y/N do. He misses the days when she would talk about her classes, telling him things that he didnt get to experienced as a college students. He misses her stories of working at a student's cafe and how some days she has to starve herself with only instant noodle when the funds ran low. All he ever talk about with Yurin is the new comeback, which designer to wear to the award show and which expensive restaurant they should try next. There is nothing wrong with all that, really, but its the exact same life he's living. He already know all that. He dont need someone else to talk to him about it.

Jungkook only realized too late then, that Y/N being an ordinary girl is what makes their relationship works. They were the opposite, she is e eeythung he is not, and thats why she completes him.

He shouldnt care about what the society demand from him. Y/N didnt, he shouldnt have either. But its all too late when he found out Y/N is no longer living in her apartment or studying in the same college. She's gone and he didnt know where else to find her.

Until he sees her face on an international interview while he's channel surfing on one boring afternoon. Y/N still looks like the Y/N he knows. Beautiful, sweet, her innocent laugh filled the screen. But the way she talked, dressed and interact with the interviewer, amazed him. Jungkook cant take his eyes off her and continue to watch the show until the end. He learned then that Y/N has become an international sensation, a newly debuted singer/songwriter who is also on her way in making a name in the filming and modeling industry.

Y/N has become a mix of everything he had ever wanted.

And he has been trying to find a way to see her again ever since.

"Hey Kookie," Taehyung entered the practice room and slide down on the floor besides him. "Are you okay? You dont seem so well since what happened yesterday,"

"I am not okay hyung," Jungkook turned to faced Taehyung, face etched with sadness. "Y/N... I need to see her but Namjoon hyung is not letting me," Taehyung kept quiet and nibbled on his bottom lips, thinking.

"Kookie... I know you told us she is your first love. But if you dont mind... what happened to the two of you?" Taehyung is really curious about this Y/N girl and the only person who seems to know her personally is Jungkook. "She seems... terrified of you yesterday,"

Jungkook looked hurt by Taehyung's words. He already know that. When he dreamt about seeing Y/N again, he didnt think that she would hate him that much. Its as if she is scared of him. Scared that he will hurt her again. She dont even want to look at his face yesterday. That feeling... the feeling when someone you love is afraid of you, hates you, not even want to look at you... hurts, and Jungkook dont ever want to feel anything like that anymore.

"I... I break her heart into pieces hyung," Jungkook pushed all his pride aside and finally opened up to Taehyung about everything. When he finished his story with a sob, Taehyung was speechless.

"So you are saying... you two were dating during the years we all live together?!" Taehyung exclaimed. How is it possible that none of the boys found out the maknae is dating? "How did you managed to hide a girlfriend that well?"

"Really hyung? That's what important to you right now?" Jungkook give him the stink eye and he chuckle.

"Sorry. Sorry. But you know Kookie... her face and your story sounds familiar. I wonder if I have met her before?" Jungkook shakes his head.

"Im positive you didnt. I never brought her over to meet any of you guys. Maybe you just think you know her because her face fills up every magazine and tv shows you see?" Jungkook guess. He is pretty positive none of his hyung knows Y/N before she becomes well known.

"Nah... that's not it," Taehyung shakes his head. "Nevermind. I'm sure I will figured it out later,"

Before Jungkook can say anything else, the practice room door opened and walked in Namjoon, looking straight at him.

"Kook, your dream has come true,"

"What do you mean hyung?" Jungkook is confused.

"We are having a collaboration with Y/N while she's in Korea,"

/////

"What?! No, no, no, no,no, no!" Y/N slammed the schedule on the desk and wailed her hands around. This cant be happening. A collaboration with Bangtan? Two whole months of composing, performing, photo shoots and interviews with them? With Jeon Jungkook? This cant be real! "Why am I not informed about this earlier? I wouldnt have agreed to it if I knew!"

"But Y/N... you never go through your schedules before. You always leave it up to the management!" One the managers tries to explain. Y/N was neber demanding kr a diva, she is akways essy to managed. Seeing her like this scare him a bit. Why is she so hellbent on not doing the schedule with Bangtan? "Besides, Bangtan is one of the most successful group in the country right now and they really want to work with you! Its a great opportunity to make your mark here, in your home country,"

Y/N bite her bottom lip. Of course it makes sense when they say it like that. Y/n has rejected everything that has to do with her home country before. She didnt want to come back before she's ready. But now that she's here, she didnt think they would be the first thing on her schedule.

"Is there really no way for me to cancel?" She sighed weakly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," the manager gave her a regretful smile. "but no,"

/////

"Y/N, these are the boys. Boys, this is Y/N," the staff introduced them once Y/N arrived on the set. She pushed her sunglasses up her forehead, smile and bowed to them, introducing herself and gave them their greeting, all the while avoiding eye contact with the doe eyed boy who is shamelessly staring at her.  The older members introduced themselves first, making silly jokes in between to ease the tension that they can feel rising between Y/N and the maknae, but the time for Jungkook to introduced himself finally arrived.

"Hi Y/N. I'm Jeon Jungkook, but I think you already know that," he held out a hand and his bunny smile grew wider when Y/N accept the handshake. He held her hand tight and keeps on staring at her, the smile never leaving his face, making her squirm uncomfortably. Y/N tried to shake her hand lose but Jungkook only held on tighter, as in trying to enjoy every tingling sensation he felt from their touch.

He misses her so much.

"Ehem," Jungkook was broken from his trance and look to his left to see Taehyung looking at him, then their entertwined hands. "I think you can let go now Kook. Its my turn to introduced myself,"

Jungkook huffed and reluctantly lets go, not at all trying to conceal the fact that he was holding her hand hostage on purpose. "Hi," Taehyung flashed her his signature smile. Y/N swore he has never seen a smile so beautiful and sincere given to her before.

"H...hi," Shit, why did I stutter?

Taehyung laughs at how adorable she looks. "So cute," he mumble, making Y/N who heard it blushed hard and Jungkook frowned, sending his hyung a death glare. "I'm Kim Taehyung or V. But you can call me Tae. Nice to meet you Y/N,"

"You... you too Taeyang. I mean Taehyung. I mean Tae," Seriously, what is wrong with me? "Nice to meet you," she slowly brace herself and look into his eyes. Those sharp gaze... it looks so damn familiar.

Taehyung laughs again and shakes her hand. "I have to go with the boys but I will see you in a bit ya?"

Y/N quickly nodded as Taehyung drags Jungkook with him, living her sweaty and blushing. Jungkook who witness the whole exchange happening looks back from his hyung to Y/N and start to feel anxious.

Is something going on with those two?

Days spend with Bangtan passes by in a blur. They were a fun group to be with; funny and talented. There was never a dull moment with them. The best part is always whenever she gets some time alone with Taehyung. There's just something about him that never ceased to amaze her, fascinates her. She loves hearing his deep voice, his laughs, his weird views on things and his funny thoughts. Being able to see Taehyung was always the highlight of her day with Bangtan, and there's just something so familiar about him. About the way his piercing eyes looks at her. Its as if she has seen it before somewhere, some time, long ago. However, what Y/N dreaded the most was when she and Jungkook were left alone, as if it was planned by the boys. She will try her best to get out from the situation, leaving Jungkook who tried hard to get a chance to talk to her frustrated.

She had always managed to get out from the sticky situation until today. She was in the music room during one of their long breaks this time. The boys will usually hang out with each other in their own waiting room, so feeling bored, Y/N sneaked out and found a lone piano in a what she assumed is a music room and started playing one of the song she is currently working on. She only started playing a few lines when a voice surpised her.

"That's beautiful," she turned to her right to see Jungkook already seated down beside her on the piano bench. She immediately stood up, ready to leave but Jungkook pulled her back down.

"No. Please, stay. Can you play the rest of the song for me? Can I hear it? Please?" He plead, eyes looking straight into hers, bringing back both painful and beautiful memories she had tried to forget. Y/N hesitates as she looked around, wishing nothing more than for someone to come in and save her. But no one did and Jungkook is still gripping her hand and looking at her. "Please?"

"O..okay," she nodded her agreement and sat back down, fingers poised to play her song.

I really love the role I play The songs I sing But with all the fame The things that seem so simple Suddenly, so far out of reach Wish that they could see That underneath I'm just an ordinary girl! Sometimes I'm lazy I get bored, I get scared, I feel ignored, I feel happy I get silly, I choke on my own words. I make wishes, I have dreams, And I still want to believe, Anything can happen in this world For an ordinary girl! Like you like me For an ordinary girl Like you like me

The room waa silent when she finished playing. Jungkook felt a lump in his throat as the memory of him recklessly breaks her heart came back to him.

"But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Y/N..."

Y/N stopped him and smile before he could continue, already oredicting what he would be saying. "No Jungkook. Dont say anything. You dont need to say anything. I'm over it," she stood up and bowed, hastily trying to escape but Jungkook is too fast for her and grab her arm.

"But I'm not,"

"What?"

"I'm not over it Y/N. I'm not over you..."

"Stop joking around Jungkook. Its not funny!"

Jungkook stood up and turned her to face him. "I'm not. Y/N... I swear I'm not! Please listen to me first," Jungkook pleaded. "What I did, what I said, everything was wrong. A mistake," Y/N shakes her head, denying his claim.

"No. You were happy without me Jungkook. You were happy with the girls you dated after me. All those girls who are beautiful and a somebody," Y/N blinked back her tears. No, she promised herself that she wont cry for Jeon Jungkook ever again.

"Thats what I thought I wanted Y/N. But I was wrong. I was so wrong," he gripped both of her hands, making her gasps. "I'm so sorry for what I did Y/N. I tried to look for you after you left, but I couldnt find you... and now you are here..." he cupped her chin to tilt her head to look at him. "Y/N, looking at you now, I regret everything I ever did and say to you. Please forgive me Y/N. Please... can we... can we try again?"

Y/N was shocked. She didnt think Jungkook would ever ask her to be together again. She is afterall, still just an ordinary girl... and him. Look at him, he is as perfect as he could ever be.. Then his words appeared back in her mind.

Looking at you now.

"Is this what this is? You want me back because I'm no longer the ordinary little town girl I was five years back? Because I'm successful now?!" Y/N was furious. How dare he. Jungkook was startled by her assumption. How did she even come to think of that? That is absolutely not what it is at all!

"What?! No! Y/N no! That is absolutely not what this is about. Y/N... you are everything that I want. I just realized it too late. Please Y/N. Lets try again. I'll treat you right this time,"

"No!" She shakes her hand loose from his grip. "You cant do this to me Jungkook. It took me five years to even be able to hear your name again. You broke me beyond repair. You make me judged myself to the point where I hated myself Jungkook. You dont know how broken you make me when you left. I loved you. I really really loved you... but you..."

"Y/N, please just give me another chance. Lets try this again," he begged.

"No!" Y/N start to walk out as fast as she could but what Jungkook said next stopped her in her tracks.

"I love you Y/N. I have never stop loving you," Y/N's whole body shakes as tears starts to stream down her face. She ia grateful for the fact that she is not facing him. Jeon Jungkook shouldnt see her cry. Not now. Not ever. But hearing those three words comes our from her one true love, her first love, Y/N felt her heart bursting in both pain and happiness again.

"I love you... please believe me Y/N..." he repeated softly. His voice shocked Y/N out from her tranced and she quickly continue her exit, never once looking back.

Y/N managed to bring herself to an empty park, well, of course its empty, its past midnight, after sending a quick text to Meen A to tell her to cancel the rest of her schedule and postponed it to tommorow. There is no way she is able to face Jungkook again. She close her eyes and leaned her head back, enjoying the cool breeze.

"Do you think the stars are watching we live our life like we watch a reality drama series?" Y/N was startled by the deep voice that suddenly appeared in the dark. She looks up and saw Taehyung walking towards her, smiling and sitting down besides her.

"What are you doing here Tae?"

"The question is, what are you doing here? I have always come here after schedule. This park is very near to my dorm," he pointed somewhere behind him.

"Ahh. Okay. But...what do you do here all alone? You are not a mass murderer or a rapist right?" She jokes and he laughs.

"Nothing. Just sitting in the dark and asks random questions like the one I asked you just now," he grinned.

"Really? You have to do it here? Alone? In the dark?" Y/N questioned, eyebrows arched. "Why cant you discuss it with your group mates? Isnt it better to talk to someone who could actually respond?"

Taehyung hung his head at her statement, feeling sad. "Not really. Sometimes I just want the peace and quiet to think and play with my own thoughts. Sometimes I even wonder if I made the right decision to live this kind of life," he chuckles.

"This kind of life? What do you mean?"

"This life we are living Y/N. People expect so much from us. To be flawless, remarkable in everything," he sighed. "Sometimes I wonder what its like to live an ordinary life,"

Y/N laughs. There's that word again. It seems no matter where she goes, that words haunts her like a nightmare.

"I wouldnt know what you are feeling Tae, because I have been ordinary all my life,"

Taehyung looks at her as if she doesnt make sense at all. Well, to be fair to him,she really doesnt make sense. How can a mega superstar like her, living life that people only dream of could possibly say shes been ordinary all her life? But Taehyung figured she has a reason for saying that and just lets it go.

"You are lucky then," he stood up, both hands in pockets and smile down at her. "Because Y/N, in a world full of people trying to be special, what is so wrong to be ordinary?"

Y/N's mouth drop open. Those words... they are like her secret mantra to survive the broken heart Jungkook left her with. She blinked and look at Taehyung. Those eyes staring back at her. She remembers now. The deep voice, the piercing gaze.

That stranger is Taehyung.

The man she has been searching for all these while is Kim Taehyung.

But before she could say anyhing, he is already gone.

Y/N tossed and turn the whole night. The whole conversation with Taehyung, the recent one and way back five years ago when he was just a stranger, played continuosly in her head. Its Taehyung.

Kim Taehyung.

Everything fits now. For the past month she has been getting to know him, she fell for his dorky ways and the unique things he did. She see the sadness in his face when his fans criticized his fashion choices or hairstyles, how sometimes he rather stay home and not come with them because he is tired to conceal his real self in public. She understand now why the stranger wants to be ordinary. Why Kim Taehyung wants to be ordinary.

Taehyung is beautiful, inside out. And its a shame people are more focus on the facade he puts out rather than his true self. Y/N thinks back about all the time they spend together. Taehyung will mostly ask about her life way back before she was a celebrity, asking her stories about her classes, courses, her part time job and he enjoys her stories. Every bit of it. Sometimes it seems as if he loves it more than listening to her experience touring around the world, working with all these influential people. Its... different. Most people she met in the industry are only trying to be close to her for her name, for her connections, but Taehyung felt sincere.

Taehyung loves how she is when she's just an ordinary girl.

And Y/N finally admits it now. She's in love with that extraordinary boy.

Unfortunately for her, no matter how much she wanted to she Taehyung again and proclaim her love for him the next day, they are having a one day break. So instead, she peeled her sleepless body for a morning walk towards the rows of restaurant. She needed something to clear her head.

Just her luck, she saw Taehyung sitting alone on one of the sidewalk cafe, his breakfast still full on his table, playing with his phone.

"Tae!" A wide grin stretch across her face as she walks over. How can someone look this beautiful?

"Oh, Y/N. Nice to see you here," he smile, and Y/N felt her heart beats faster.

"Are you alone?"

"I'm actually with-"

"Y/N?" Shit. The voice that calls out her name makes her heart rscing and palm swearing in fear, and she wanted nothing more than just to get out from there.

"I..I'll be going first Taehyung," she bowed quickly and make her exit, confusing Taehyung who didnt understand the situation.

"Y//N, please wait," Jungkook grab her arms and turn her around. "Please... dont run away from me,"

"Let go Jungkook,"

"Not until you give me a chance," he gritted his teeth in determination. "Y/N... I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a fool, an idiot. I care about my status, my job more than I ever did about your feelings before. But all that will change now. I have changed now. I will love you right this time. Baby... please," his soft doe eyes pierced through hers, begging her for another chance. The way he looks at her, the feeling of his touch on her arms, his familiar scent that filled his nostrils the way he calls her baby... her heart is aching. She misses him so much.

She raised her eyes to look at him. His handsome face and the way the mask hang around his mouth and nose.

The mask. The mask that he needs to conceal his identity. His identity that makes him too good to be with her in the first place.

Jungkook will always be a somebody. He has to hide his identity even he is having his breakfast. And although she is a part of that life now, deep inside she is still just an ordinary girl who unfortunately falls in love with someone extraordinary like Jeon Jungkook.

And what happened five years back proves that Jungkook would never accept that ordinary part of her. And if he cant accept that, then he cant have all of her.

"I'm sorry. I cant Jungkook," she trembled. "I have only known and love you all my life. I love every part of you... but you dont love me for who I really am. I am just still me Jungkook. Underneath all this, I'm still just that girl you broke for being ordinary. You wont and cant ever love me fully... and I wont force you too,"

"Y/N. No. I love you. I love all of you. Everything about you. Please. Give me this chance and I will prove it to you," Jungkook is panicking. He cant loose her like this. She didnt even give her a chance to get close, to show her how he has change. He has been looking for her for five years, how can he just let her slip away?

"You think you do. But I know you better than that. You are just in love with the idea of me," she smile sadly. Oh, how she wished they were still young lovers. Happy and in love. "I thought no one could ever like me for who I really am Jungkook. I loathe myself. For years I loathe myself. But I know now, not everybody hates ordinary. We ordinary girls have to right to be love too,"

"I didnt me-"

"I cant be with you Jungkook. I thought I wont ever get over you, but I was wrong. I fell in love. I found someone worthy to love me now. And I would do anything to make him love me..." she finally quietly admits, leaving Jungkook speechless.

"Wh..what?" Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. This cant happen. His baby is in love with someone else? Who? Who is the man who stole her heart away? "Who is it? Tell me Y/N! Who is it! I will show you I can love you better than him," his face is etched in anger as he shakes her shoulders.

"You dont need to know..."

"I do. I do need to know Y/N. I need to know so I can show you how much more I will love you than he ever will!" He insisted, crazy with anger. Y/N looks around and see they are starting to catch attention and people are starting to recognized them. She cant let them happen.

"Stop it Jungkook..."

"No! I love you Y/N. Why wont you believe me?" He cried. "Tell me who is he?"

"Its Taehyung!" She screamed, tired of Jungkook's tireless persuassion. "Its Kim Taehyung! Are you happy now? I love Kim Taehyung and he didnt even know! So you dont have to do anything Jungkook!" His grasp on her shoulder soften.

"You are in love with Tae - hyung? My hyung?" His eyes roamed all over her face, looking for any sign that shes lying. But theres none. His heart starts to ache, a feeling so foreign to him. "Since when?"

"Since... sinc..," her eyes flickered behind Jungkook and her mouth dropped in horror. "Taehyung!" Jungkook whipped his head to see what Y/N is looking at, and true enough, his hyung stood there behind him and with the look on his face, its clear he heard everything. His eyes looks straight at her, dark and blank, she couldnt understand what emotions are playing within him right then and it scared her.

"Tae, wait! I can ex-" Y/N started to run after him when he abruptly turned around and walked away towards the other direction.

"Y/N, please. Choose me. Please. I love you. I cant live without you. Choose me Y/N. Dont leave me for Tae," Jungkook held on to her jacket's sleeves, begging her with his brown eyes. Y/N felt her tears finally fell at the sight of Jungkook, the mighty Jungkook begging for her, an ordinary girl.

"Then you have to learn how to Jungkook. Just like how I did before," she shakes her sleeve loose and run after Taehyung. Jungkook was left alone, stunned, and after years of being strong and believing he can do anything, he fell to his knees for he knows this time he wont be able to do it.

Losing Y/N all over again.

/////

"Tae! Tae. Stop. Just stop," Y/N was breathless as she managed to grab Taehyung by the arm. The said man turned and emotionlessly turned to face her. She felt her heart break. Does Taehyung really doesnt have any feelings for her at all?

"You shouldnt say things that you dont even understand Y/N," he suddenly broke the silenced.

"What are you talking about Tae? What you heard-"

"How can you say you love me? How is that even possible?"

"Why isnt it possible? I'm in love with you Kim Taehyung! Why is that not possible?" She huffed. Did Taehyung really thinj no one would ever love him? "I'm in love with every part of you. The real you! Not the facade you put out for everyone around you. But the you that you showed me during the talks we had. I'm in love with that Kim Taehyung!"

"I cant be with you," his words came out so smoothly out from his mouth, it hurts her to think how he doesnt even have to think about it at all.

"Why?" She cried. Y/N can feel her heart broke for the second time after a long time. "Why cant you give me a chance? I know you felt it too. I can see it when you talk to me. When you look at me. Please Tae, why cant you let me?"

"Tae... is there really no chance for us?" Y/N asks again when he kept quiet, eyes fixed on the ground. "You... really cant love me?" Y/N lets out a deep breath and weakly lets go of his hand when he still didnt answer. "Okay... I'm sorry. I just thought..." she didnt finished her words before she turned around, wanting to just walk away from the situation and just buried herself in her blanket back at the hotel. She was always a fool in love. Ordinary or not, no one will ever love her for her. She just need to braced another month of schedule with Bangtan and she can forget all this ever happen.

"Do you want to know why we could never happen?" Taehyung's voice reached her ears, sounding so soft and sad, making her turn around even though she dont think she can ever face him again. Y/N stopped in her tracks for a moment and decide to just walk away. There is no need for her to listen to the list of reasons as to why Taehyung would never ever love her.

"Y/N, listen to me," Taehyung grabbed her hand. Why is he doing this? Why is he forcing her to listen to things that she doesnt want to? Is he intentionally wanting to hurt her?

"I...I dont want to Tae," she sobbed. "I dont need to know why you wont ever love me,"

Taehyung immediately cupped both of her cheeks and make her look at him the moment she said that. "Y/N... I'm sorry for what I said. And I never said I didnt love you back..." he said so softly Y/N almost missed it, but she didnt and her eyes widen. Did... did Taehyung just confess?

"Please dont cry..." his thumbs wipe the tears that slowly rolled down her cheeks. "Look around you Y/N... this is the reason why we cant be together,"

For the first time since they talk, Y/N raised her head and look around her. Fans are gathered all around, cellphones out and snapping photos. She looks up and billboards with her face on it filling the view. Even if the passerby didnt know who they were before, they sure do now. "You are too special to be with me Y/N. I am not the one for you. I'm too strange and weird to be with you. You deserves the world. You are remarkable, and you deserves the best. Me? I'm just an ordinary small town boy who accidentally passes an audition Y/N. I'm not for you. So dont cry for me. These people doesnt like to see you cry," he smile at her. She feels her heart beats faster. She wants that smile. She wants to wake up to that smile everyday and she wont let who she became now stops her from the happiness that is right in front of her.

"Taehyung... I'm still that same ordinary girl you met in the park five years back. The girl who cried because the person she loves broke her. Dont you remember her?"

"What? What are you saying?"

"You are really funny," Y/N repeated what he said to her way back then. "In this world where everybody tried to be special, why do you want to be ordinary?" Taehyung's eyes widen at that. Little did she know, just like her, their encounter that day changed his life forever too. He accepted his life more after their little talk and since then he starts not to think about what his fans would want from him. He is just an ordinary man and if they dont love him for that, then they didnt love him to start with.

"That... that was you?" Y/N nodded with a smile and tears in her eyes.

"Tae... what you said to me that day changed me. Because of you I start to believe that ordinary girls like me deserves to be loved too. I came back to the park everyday in hope to see you again but I never did. You have been a part of my life for a long time Tae, whether you like it or not," she laughs. "And if you think I am too special to be with you, then you are dead wrong. You are everything I could ever want. You are the only person in my life who loves me for that dorky college girl that I am and I'm in love with you for that," she rajsed her hands and carressed his cheeks. Taehyung slowly leaned in into her touched. "You love every lsrt of me and you deserve to have all of me Tae,"

"Dont see me like what the other see me Tae. See me for who I really am. I am just an ordinary girl who falls in love with an amazing man, and she hopes that amazing man would someday fall in love with her too,"

"I am already in love with you Y/N. From the moment you stutter my name the first time we officially met," he laughs out loud at the memory as Y/N blushed. "Why were you so nervous anyway? You are already in love with me back then arent you? My good looks got nothing on you,"

"Yah!" She hit his chest and Taehyung pulled her close in his embraced. "Dont tease me,"

"You are adorable," he kissed her head and they can hear the camera shutter clicking from all around them. They have a lot to answer to their own management tomorrow, but for now that didnt matter. "My beautiful ordinary girl, you make me realized that nothing else matters that just to be and love yourself. You are the best thing that could have ever happen to me, eventhough I dont even know who you were back then. I love you Y/N," he whispered.

"And I love you Kim Taehyung. Just my weird fascinating Kim Taehyung," Taehyung smile and leaned his head closer to her as his lips tremble when he touched the lips of the girl he has dreamt about for years.

As the couple shared their first kiss, and the people around them starts to busily clicking their cameras and cooing at the adorable couple, a pair of teary doe eyes looks from afar...

And for the first time in his life, he admits that his heart is broken to pieces.

By an ordinary girl.

A/N: Ordinary Girl that Y/N played on the music room is actually a real song by Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, with the same title. All credits goes to the original artists and everyone involved in it.

[daisymondays]

For the title meme ✨✨✨ 1, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14

Aahahaha !!! Wow thanks Nonnie !!! I’ll try not to babble too much because otherwise this’ll get super long and possibly annoy every one on my time line but thankyou

1. Favorite fic title, and why?

It’s got to be my current one Karma’s A Fake Orgasm and Its my favourite because 1. I find it hilarious 2. The series is now called Revenge Is Best Served Horny because I once again find myself hilarious, and 3. really the whole naming process of the fic was just really funny. I couldn’t think of a name so we were throwing around so stupid names and then when I tried to think of a serious one nothing could top Fake Orgasm so here we are. Stucky, Banter and my mates, this title is a product of everything I love

2. Least favorite fic title, and why?

Urm I dont know if I have a least favourite title as such as ones I don’t care about as much, which is a few of my shorter fics or just the ones I’m not as attatched to

3. Song names or lyrics as a title in any fic?  

Yesss, If We Were Honest was inspired by Honest by The Chainsmokers as the song was playing when I was plotting out the fic and heard these lyrics:

X

And I’m not gonna tell you that I’m over it‘Cause I think about it every night I’m not sober, andI know I keep these feelings to myselfLike I don’t need nobody elseBut you’re not the only one on my mindIf I’m being honestYou said I should be honestSo I’m being honest

and they just fit the story I was trying to tell sooo much and so yes, if Im being honest became If We Were Honest

4. Fics with literary references as a title?

Waheyy same answer as above really, If We Were Honest is a blend of Honest by the Chainsmokers and a book called If We Were Villians that I read just before I wrote this fic and really enjoyed, and so yes, the title is quite clearly a smushing together of the two things (i would rec this book if you enjoy dramatics and a Secret History)

5. Have you let someone else (a beta, a friend) name a fic for you?

Yesss, I cannot count the amount of times I’ve appeared in @aibidil‘s DMs like HELP ME WITH THIS TITLE so I’m 99% sure she’s basically named at least one of my fics for me

6. A fic that had a very different working title as a WIP?

Yeeeppp, Highly (in)Compatible had the working title of Fuck Fate which while fitting of the plot didn’t quite work for a title so I managed to come up with something better

7. Do you use all lowercase letters in any fic titles? Uppercase?

I use Uppercase, i tend to captialise them correctly rather than aesthetically cause im boring like that

8. How did you choose the title of your very first fic?

Once again I’m ignoring my old old fics that have either been deleted from the internet or I pretend don’t exist, which means we’re starting with Lost Children which I actually named pretty easily, like the plot of that fic just came to me at once and the title came with it. Its set straight after the war and during that summer and its called Lost Children because thats what its about, its Harry, Hermione, Ron, Draco, Pansy, Ginny etc etc. trying to figure out what they’re supposed to do with their lives and who they’re supposed to be now the war is over, and realising that maybe its okay not to know everything

9. Do you think your method of naming fic has changed over time?

Yes I used to cry at the computer screen and now I scream. Urm no not really, i just kinda have a few ideas and discuss them with people and play around with words until i’m happy – which i think I’ve always done

10. Can you share the title of a WIP?

The current working title of the Bucky POV part of the Revenge is Best Served Horny is Playing The Long Game which has a dick pun in if you squint – i want something more obviously related to the other two espeically as Bucky is the king of sexual puns in this series so he deserves it – but i also kinda think this title is fitting so idk

11. Do you name your chapters?

No!! i wish i did!! i wanted to for Karma’s A Fake Orgasm but I couldnt think of anything witty so im pretty boring with chapters 

12. Do you find yourself generally naming a fic early or late in the process?

It really depends, like I have some names that I’ve pulled out of my arse while uploading to AO3 and some that have been there since I started the fic. I am nothing if not consistently inconsistent 

13. Have you ever changed the title of a fic after publishing?

Nope, im far too stubborn for that, no takesies backsies on shit titles !!! nah, i just dont hate any of them enough to do that

14. Give us a fic rec for one of your favorite fic titles from another author!

Not Easily Conquered from the Stucky Thirteen Letters series, if there ever comes a day I stop reccing this series presume I’m dead. Like literally. Or an imposter!!!! Anyway, this series is the way I finally managed to drag @synonym-for-life into Stucky (mawhaha) and its just beautiful, honestly some of the most fantastic writing and story telling I’ve read ever and I wish fanfic was more widely accepted purely so I could rec this series to more people. Its angsty and heart breaking, but hopeful too and just truly looks at love and the different things it does to people. No character is perfect and no one is pure evil, every one has their actions and you can understand them, you may not agree with what they did and it make break your heart but you can understand it. Its just a real look at humanity, the good and ugly, and on that note i’m off to read it again !!

I’d give the link but i’ve answered all the questions now !! thankyou Nonnie, this was super fun

[earpitforward]

I first met Geffen in 2014 while volunteering at the LA Food Bank, both there with a group called Have a Hart Day. Right off the bat, I knew Geffen was a kind-hearted person.

Her charisma shone through as I found myself comfortable in her presence and quickly becoming friends with her even though I am an introverted person.

So when I found out that Geffen (@LAearpers) was going to be coordinating the volunteer events for Earp Your Community LA , I couldn’t think of anyone better to do the job than her. Being a volunteer coordinator can be hard work and daunting at times but Geffen is one of the most hardworking, humble, kind people I know. Always there to lend a hand. Always making sure people feel comfortable and cared for. You can always count on her being there for her people, not just a leader but as a friend.

Geffen, always the one taking the picture, never the one in it. I’m glad she’s getting this chance to be in the spotlight. She deserves it. ~ @TheLesleyEst

Tell us a little about yourself?

My name is Geffen and I’m an Earper living in Los Angeles who loves building positive communities and giving back. Beyond local causes, I’m especially passionate about global access to clean drinking water.

Tell us about the Earp Your Community project/event you organized

The first Earp Your Community event I organized was with LA on Cloud 9’s Homeless Services Picnic. It involved raising money for donations (food, hygiene supplies, etc) and participating in the picnic. During the event, volunteers served food and gave out clothes and supplies to people in need. Because it was right before Halloween a craft station was also set up with face painting and pumpkin decorating.

The experience was great! It was such a welcome, festive environment with Halloween music playing and many people in costumes. Our Earper group spent the majority of the time at the clothes station organizing donations and helping people find what they needed.

What motivated you to plan an EarpYourCommunity Event?

Forming a volunteer group has actually been on my mind for years, but I never knew who to start one with. When I began getting invested in the Wynonna Earp fandom and found out about Earp It Forward/Earp Your Community, I knew I found the perfect fit! I couldn’t get the idea out of my head so even though I’m usually very private online I decided to start a group in LA.

Why did you choose this particular project, organization, cause, etc?

I chose the Homeless Services Picnic for the first event because Los Angeles has the second largest homeless population in the United States. It’s a HUGE problem here and I’m always looking for ways to give back. We also volunteered with the LA Food Bank in December 2018 and have been volunteering regularly with LA Animal Services since November.

What was the most challenging part? Do you have any advice for others that want to plan an event of their own?

The most challenging part of planning events is dealing with unexpected changes (for example, a date change for our food bank event) and then trying to communicate those changes. For anyone trying to plan an event of your own, just make sure to go with the flow :) Things come up so just be prepared to accommodate changes both related to the event and volunteers. My DMs are always open if anyone wants to bounce off EYC ideas.

What else would you tell someone who is thinking about organizing an EarpYourCommunity event?

DO IT! Seriously, you’ll meet great people and have an amazing time.

What was the most memorable part of either organizing the project or the project itself?

I was pretty nervous that the first event just wouldn’t work out at all, but then we all had such a fun day volunteering and eating lunch together, so that will always be memorable.

Was there anything about the experience that surprised you?

I was surprised when Kat called upon Earpers to attend the animal shelter orientation with her. Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised given her big heart and dedication to this fandom. I was so excited to build off the momentum of that orientation and volunteer regularly with a group.

What did you find the most rewarding about this experience?

Creating an opportunity for Earpers to meet and connect based on a shared passion for serving their community :)

Tell us about some of the people you met while volunteering.

Well, Kat Barrell for starters! She helped me meet an awesome group of Earpers who I now get to see every few weeks at the shelter.

Everyone I met has been so great. Funnily enough, I also reconnected with my friend Lesley (@TheLesleyEst) who I met volunteering with a different fandom years back! So that was another cool surprise from this whole experience.

What does EarpYourCommunity mean to you?

Earp Your Community means taking the values of this fandom into “the real world” and pursuing causes you care about alongside like-minded people. It’s community, family, generosity, and all that good stuff we don’t see enough in the world.

Would you organize or take part in an EarpYourCommunity event again?

Definitely! I plan to do this regularly for the foreseeable future. I can’t wait to see how this initiative grows and evolves.

Is there anything we missed that you’d like us to know?

I just want to shout out my Twitter-less friend Declan (side note: GET TWITTER) who introduced me to Wynonna Earp in the first place and has been super supportive about this whole project. I wouldn’t have done this without their encouragement and involvement.

Also, thank you, Kristen and Sarah, for always being a great support!

#EarpYourCommunity is a core component of Earp It Forward and a call to action to give back to our communities and neighborhoods through service events. #EarpYourCommunity activities come in all shapes and sizes and can be done by groups of Earpers or as an individual. It is about celebrating what Earpers may already be doing and helping people connect to take action and make a difference in the lives and well being of those around us. To learn more about #EarpYourCommunity, check out the “Are You Ready to Earp Your Community?” introduction document which outlines the project and provides support and resources for all your passion to help and give back. You can also reach us directly using the contact information below:

Twitter: @earpitforward  

Instagram (earpitforward)

Tumblr: earpitforward.tumblr.com

Email: earpitforward@gmail.com

Project organizers: Kristen (@kindnesskru) & Sarah (@HeresTheThing17)