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Top comment I heard about Harry today: “bold of him to write watermelon sugar when he can’t even get it right up there”
#this is a rough traslation from my language#the long story is that one of my fav people at work#we always banter back an forth about how much she wants harry and how much i don't want to hear it#because he's my mother#she's very detached from fandom don't have twitter and her main assumption about harry is that he's def not straight#but buy into most of the other stuff#and also he is on the top of her celeb fuck list#and im a normal person so im not gonna shame her for that#so first thing she tells me when i get to work#is that to not worry anymore because harry is going down to the bottom of the list#and then my ither friends interject to make it dirty#bcs 'going down'#and she goes 'no thank you#+ what i said above#fun day#stunt
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becoming a furry nonhuman otherkin objectum genderweird relationship anarchy freak has made me immune to weird conservative whatifs. "what if people want to identify as animals" let them "what if people want to marry furniture" let them "what if-" is it hurting YOU? personally? or are you just so joyless that you can't conceive a living thinking person that isn't as repressed and deprived of whimsy as you
EDIT: Incest and pedophilia (including simulated pedophilia) don’t count because they do hurt people. I can’t believe I have to say this but things that hurt people aren’t part of the list of things that are weird but don’t hurt people.
#doc talks#proshippers don’t interact!!!!!!!! you’re gross#I always tell myself im above pro/anti shit and then YOU come in all like ‘yes! incest doesn’t hurt anyone!’ fucking what#top ten sentences said by a person that thinks real life incest is glamorous like the incest on tv
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It's so romantic, sad, sweet, and dark that future Viktor knows that he's the cause of the downfall of the whole world and he uses Hextech to do it, but he loves Jayce so much that he chooses to save him and give him a rune in every timeline he tries.
Realistically, totally practically? Letting Jayce and his mom succumb to the elements would guarantee a universe without hextech. But Viktor could not justify a universe without Jayce in it. Another practical idea would be to never give him the rune—it doesn't necessarily mean hextech would be outright impossible per se, but from what we see it would be far more difficult.
Viktor wanted to save the world, but he was also willing to doom it time and time again because he knew this first step always leads to another version of him that's lonely and in need of love to finding Jayce. Every single time. He risked the world to find Jayce every single time.
#arcane#jayce talis#viktor#viktor arcane#jayvik#technically there are timelines where Viktor probably figures something out on his own anyway#considering wizard him said only you can show me this#but based on the visuals of giving him many different runes#I'm under the impression of what I said above being a far more constant pattern
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it is kind of crazy how often when i get back in touch with a transfem friend i haven't spoken to for a while she has to disclaim to me "btw if you hang out with me [group] will probably be mad at you jsyk". not saying it's unique to transmisogyny but anecdotally this kind of total social exclusion to the point of also excluding anyone who associates with the excluded, seems so frequently targeted at transfems. really dont understand how this kind of behaviour always comes from "progressives"/social justice types, like how can you do this to someone and think youre justified when every single person I know who's been subjected to this has been a transfem communist who has made big personal sacrifices in pursuit of liberation. like im not talking about nazis or right-wingers, even if your dispute with these girls had a legitimate basis the solution would obviously be mediation & talking to them about it bc these are all fundamentally reasonable and good people who are receptive to criticism...
#not that the disputes are justified in the first place given that every single time ive had such a situation explained to me the target#literally didnt do anything wrong. but even if they had done something wrong like... have you tried talking to her first#omg do you remember when redacted fandom sent hate anons to my mutuals telling them to stop associating with me and blocked their own#mutuals who interacted with me. all bc i said the fandom was transmisogynistic. behaviour which definitely did nothing to prove my point...#what a world!#OH also i should add re the original post jsyk the group in question was a group of trans majority-anarchists. before any of yous start#thinking ur above this behaviour bc ur an abolitionist or something. turns out some peoples solution to prisons is to replace them#with exile!
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So, Zara was just waiting for Illario to be made First Talon so she could betray him and get an Envy demon out of the deal, right?
We know Zara specifically wanted an Envy demon. And Envy demons are said to be attracted to powerful, successful people. Who's more powerful than the First Talon? And who could be a more perfect host to draw in/create an Envy demon than bitter, jealous, attention seeking Illario?
#Illario Dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#I forgot to post about this theory when it occurred to me#Because I've always wondered why Zara didn't betray and use Illario. Especially since it definitely seems like she wanted to.#And while I think she has genuine feelings towards him I doubt she's the type to put said feelings above her goals#I think it's more likely she was just waiting for him to be the perfect lure for her Envy demon#And I think similarly in reverse#he was definitely just waiting until he was sure he'd gotten what he wanted and was sure he had no use for her before killing her off too#I think it would've been interesting to see how things played out between them if Illario HAD become First Talon
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f712bfd3f1fab8f117d88b03943e3415/456fe0f608340c3e-e1/s540x810/6d3039c7b6580ede22cd41996f68fd9c1cf4c181.jpg)
“To whom,” Alfred rasps, pausing to clear his throat and establish his sense of decorum, “May I ask, to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?”
The creature stops, blinks its owlish eyes at him, and lets out a bark of laughter.
“Forgive me,” it says, still chuckling lightly, raising a hand to rub at the back of his neck. Alfred is suddenly struck by the feeling that this creature is not as timeless, nor as old or as wizened, as it wished to present itself. “I am making a terrible first impression. My name is Phantom, current High King of the Infinite Realms.”
Contractual Obligations by me!!!
I couldn't get the image of Ghost King Danny out of my head, so here he is!! Acrylic on canvas, and I'm so happy with it - he came out a lot better than I thought he would 😅
#danny phantom#dpxdc#ghost king danny#phanart#dpxdc big bang#dcxdp#ahhhhh here he is!!!!!!! it's king phantom ahhh!!!!!!#i didnt add his aurora halo and i feel like a fraud 😑 but it wouldnt have fit and also im very scared of adding it#and he has a massive honking stonker of a nose 🤣 sorry my boy by the time i realised i couldnt change it#this is... my first fanart#(and its of my own fic - thats bad isnt it haha)#i hope you all like it!!!! its not something i normally do but i couldnt get it out of my head#hey uh... hey.... what do i do with a 30x40 canvas of danny phantom fanart?#like. what do i do with that? is he just gonna float around my room for a while?#probably#ALSO my mum showed my dad and he said 'you did that? that's amazing' and im pretty sure thats the most amount of praise hes ever given me#which affected me way more than it should#he took a picture of it and mum was like 'he's going to show that to everyone' and i dont know how to explain to them its fanart#of a cartoon that aired 20 years ago 🤣🤣#anyway!!!!!!!! hope you all like it!!! please read the fic and then give some love to my wonderful artists#they went above and beyond for this like wwooooaaaaahhhh#art that I will never forget 🥰#love you all goodnight!!!!!
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So I've said multipe times now (here and here) that thinking nmj is just so blinded by privilege he doesn't undertand that acting out of line gets people killed is, in my opinion, a misunderstanding of his character that ignores the part where he's, you know, actively dying the whole time and thinks that's a good thing. But that doesn't mean I don't think privilege plays no role at all in how he views the world.
Specifically, his view that death (at least premature or violent death) means something.
Death isn't always a tragedy to NMJ, but it is always meaningful. If you kill an evil dangerous person for your righteous cause, that death had meaning. There was evil in the world and now there is less of it. Similarly, if you die in the pursuit of your righteous cause, that death has meaning, because the sheer dedication you gave to it that you were willing to die for it will further that cause, and your bretheren will be invigorated by your sacrifice to fight even harder.
If a death isn't meaningful, that's an injustice and it is up to the living to give it meaning. That's what cuts so deep about his father's murder. There were no consequences, no changes, no meaning. Wen Ruohan was just going to get away with it! He fights and wins an entire war to make it mean something, to make it so that the unjust murder of Nie Mingjue's father is part of Wen Ruohan's downfall.
But this is a view he can only hold because he's the kind of person who's death will be meaningful. Most ordinary people's deaths are meaningless. Not ontologically, not inherently, but they are made meaningless because no one cares. For death to be meaningful you either have to be so powerful that anything you risk your life for will be impacted in some way. (Like, say, if you sacrifice a long life for immense martial power in a faustian bargain with a blade) Or if people with that kind of power care enough about you to do so for you. For most people, this isn't true. A starving street kid has no power to change the unfair world that put them there, even if they risk their life trying, and no one will do it for them once they die.
Nie Mingjue knows this in abstract, and of course rightfully believes it's wrong. But all that does is make it yet another righteous cause people should be willing to die for. Everyone's deaths should mean something, we'll make it so or die trying!
This is what the conflict between nieyao is about at its core. Because Jin Guangyao, fundamentally, cannot conceive of his own death as meaningful. Nie Mingjue grew up around powerful men who could change the world but refuse to do so because god forbid they risk a single hair on their perfect heads. Meng Yao, on the other hand, grew up in an environment where no one of importance would blink twice if you died. He was surrounded by meaningless death. Indeed his entire early life is defined by that lack of care.
Meng Shi dies and no one cares. Meng Yao gets thrown off a flight off stairs and no one cares. He has to be the one to do the caring, and once he's gone no one else will do it for him.
So he has to live.
Jin Guangyao eventually gets far enough that he actually does aquire the power to change some things... as long as he's alive. If he changes too much, holds on too tightly to his ideals, he'll die and it'll all be for nothing. He can't sacrifice himself for his goals because doing so would immediately render those goals unobtainable. No one will care about what he tried to do. He won't be a heroic sacrifice, he'll just be trash that finally cleaned itself up.
And well... Nie Mingjue dies, and someone makes it mean something. Makes it mean so much that the entire story of mdzs would not exist without it. Jin Guangyao dies and it doesn't mean anything. Most people are glad to be rid of him, and the few that are not don't do anything to change that.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#meng yao#nieyao#of course the inherent tragedy is that nmj is totally THE guy to ask if you want your death to mean something#nmj's reaction the the fact that most ppl's deaths are meaningless is to go: yes and I should change this.#If everyone thought like me this wouldn't happen anymore I simply need to get EVEN MORE HARDCORE about justice to MAKE them care#and this quality- which makes him the one person perhaps capable of making jgy's death mean something- also makes him a threat to his life#so jgy kills him because he needs to live. And then his beliefs about the meaninglessness of his own death are doomed to be true#what else was he supposed to do? just die and TRUST that someone would make it mean something?#like his mother trusted that his father would come back for them?#of course he can't do that.#just like how nmj's upbringing means that by the stairs he can't see how jgy- son of a sect leader and extremely capable-#is any different from the men who wrung their hands and told him that wen ruohan is just *too powerful* they can't do anything about him.#(*guy who killed wrh and wil go on to kill jgs voice* i just can't do anything about my dad being evil)#if jgy had agreed to risk his life and asked nmj to make it mean something if he died nmj would have said yes.#which is why he can't understand jgy wouldn't just ASK that.#jgy meanwhile has not been informed that was a fucking option and if he was wouldnt be able to trust that it'd actually happen.#for reasons outlined above#ahhh tragedy and inability of characters to understand each other i love you
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[ ID in ALT ]
what's wrong with him (based on That Scene in the hit wriolette fanfic Love Will Find A Way, So Will Naked Mole Rats by noxetic)
#look at me posting my art despite my paranoid fear of getting swiped by ai robbers#the power of fanfics will do that to ya#im also posting it in hd w a tiny signature because im STUPID and an ARTIST watermarks look UGLY#ARGHHHHHHHH#dont make me glaze my art pelas#its not the most accurate to the fic.... not one to one.... but the author said that its ok..........#for starters they are not actually positioned like this. I realized my mistake when i was drawing them crotch to crotch and thought#'surely wriothesley would remember that first'#but he didnt. because their pose was more spiderman (neuvillette is above him but turned 180)#. so. his torso wasnt actually On Top of wrio. it wasnt This homoerotic. is what im saying#and a dialogue is wrong too bc im a dumby dumb#wriothesley#neuvillette#molerats#neuvithesley#wriolette#my art
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rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening
#let’s talk about sayaka miki for a second#genuinely the fact that her whole character is centered around tragedy almost to a shakespearean extent#she’s selfless and brave and values her justice and righteousness above all. calls herself an ally of justice#in fact i think it’s rather intriguing how her whole character is centered around “justice”#her story being a more twisted retelling of the original little mermaid#how she is initially portrayed as a very heroic and confident character even before becoming a magical girl. always shielding madoka#selling her soul to heal the boy she loved out of a selfless desire to see him well again#her being absolutely distraught abt being robbed of her humanity and betrayed by kyubey#she combats this harrowing realization by immersing herself in her duties not caring that she is slowly deteriorating in the process#becoming numb with pain and fighting recklessly and psychotically trying to drown out the pain#finally coming to the sickening conclusion that humanity doesn’t deserve her saving and she succumbs to a fate of her making#last words being “i was so stupid” which trumps her previous statement of “there’s no way i’d regret this”#ALSO? the fact that her costume and weapon are symbolic of a knight. she rly portrays this hero of justice who will protect and defend ☹️#i think abt the fact that homura said that sayaka’s wish was so selfless it was only a matter of time before she died#sayaka being the example of what happens to magical girls who go through the entire cycle and eventually become witches is so sad to me#genuinely just like. sick and twisted#very very fucked up.#characters who have their own misconstrued interpretation of “justice” or who are centered around justice in general.#you will always be dear to me.#sayaka reminds me a lot of akechi in some ways ngl#harboring an almost idealized vision of justice but it slowly rots and festers and corrupts their hearts the more immersed w it they become#actually losing their sanity when they fight bc of how much pain they’re in but refuse to acknowledge it until they break#refusing any help and wallowing in misery despite having ppl who love them and want to save them#last words are those expressing regret for being such a fool. for being ignoring#being used by yhe main villain as a stepping stone towards their true goal. they were merely a pawn#also doomed in every version of their reality. always doomed by the narrative no matter what choices they make#i have a type i fear#HAHAHAH ALSO the fact that they’re both dressed so regally compared to everyone else in their respective series#meant to portray them in a virtuous and princely light. only made more apparent by the sword being their weapon of choice#i’m gonna shut up now but they’re soo eerily similar its unnerving tbh 💀
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I want you whipped into shape!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#yu ziyuan#wang lingjiao#wen zhuliu#'When I say jump - say “how high'”? You know you're doing it right when you start to cry!“#Of course I can't resist the Legally blonde reference. This is the Elle Woods is canon in PD-MDZS blog#I love this scene so much. There are a lot of things to say about it and I would go over the limit if I indulged.#Suffice it to say the main takeaway *here* is that I think YZY is milfboss of the millennia.#I intended for this to be posted on international women's day but my ambition led me to keep trying to make it better.#And by better I mean I spent several days (re)drawing this one and that is **not** what poorly-drawn-mdzs is supposed to be about.#I will be making the next few comics worse to compensate <3 At the very least I will honour my time and tag it as 'better drawn'#('my time' spent hunched over my desk while I chant 'this concept is *not* above my skill level!' over and over again)#Funny story about PD!Wen Zhuliu; he was supposed to show up sooner but I kept accidently cutting the comics he would have been in.#So I like to think he just went on a long coffee run. 'Go get me an (insert coffee chain) pink drink' said Wen Chao.#'He never said from which location' said Wen Zhuliu as he proceeded to walk 100km to the farthest cafe he could find.
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Alternate timeline where Stanley doesn’t accidentally ruin Ford’s project but he still doesn’t get into Geek Life University bc some kid showed up with a baking soda volcano
#Happens every time I’m telling ya#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#a tale of two stans#Y’all I just thought of smth fucked up#Remember that baby pic where ford was reaching towards the yellow triangle?#What if bill’s always been there#Cuz perpetual motion machines aren’t scientifically possible (think it’s bc entropy or smth to do w/ thermodynamics)#Ford couldn’t have made one—no one can#Either he was scamming them or (if what I said abt bill above is correct) *he* fucked w/ Ford’s machine to make it weird#Bc ford getting into a top school means he has more opportunities which means a better chance of getting the portal built#And then when Ford starts being like “screw your cipher” bill’s like “oh you think you can just *leave* me; I *made* you sixer!”#“I’m the reason you got into that fancy pants college! You honestly think you could’ve built that machine#We may be a team but I’m the mvp—always have been”#Okay I know it’s far-fetched but what is the gf fandom if not full of far-fetched theories (ain’t even a theory really more like an excuse#for angst and also bc of the fact that Ford invented Physics Breaker 5000 was slwsys a sticking point for me FOR SOME REASON)#Like I truly don’t know why that of all things bothers me#I really did just devolve into fanfic in the tags of a shitpost—oh and ig ford got into west cost in that au/version of events#shitpost
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it’s weird when people act like mori would regularly torture dazai and/or chuuya for funsies. even ignoring that he does hold some affection for them why would he risk losing two of his strongest subordinates like that? why would he send them on missions while they’re injured??
dazai was clearly fine interacting with mori until the whole oda thing went down. and we know dazai is very clear about him being the only one allowed to make chuuyas life more difficult than it needs to be so he wouldn’t just stand by and watch if this ever happened
also how would you even explain that chuuya is perfectly happy hanging out with mori? he’s clearly not expecting any harm and y’all can’t tell me that chuuya "that’s more than a light wound" nakahara would ever happily spend his time with mori if he ever did actually torture dazai
#like yeah mori isn’t above doing some fucked up stuff#but he’s clearly smart enough to not do this#that being said i do enjoy fics like that simply for the angst potential lmao#i just don’t get how so many people came to the conclusion that this is what he would do in canon
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Hi I know you mentioned you being aroace just a couple days ago and I was wondering if maybe you could explain more in depth about how you found out your sexuality and what not? If it’s not too personal…
I’ve always sorta struggled since I haven’t had any crushes as a kid except for maybe one and that’s just cause ppl kept asking me who mine was… so I don’t even think it was a legit crush?? So not only do I not know who (looks,gender, that sorta thing) I would like … am I ever gonna like someone to even find that out???
I know you said Superman on the new trailer was hot ahaha so do you still experience that sort of physical attraction? I’ve been told when people question which gender they like, to pick which one looks more attractive to them but I’ve never really experienced that sort of physical attraction so I can’t tell that way either…
I think any thought of a crush forming was more towards their personality as well. Looks I guess are more of a second thought I think..? Even then I can’t tell if this is “you’re such an awesome person I wanna be besties with you” really strong feeling or an actual “I wanna date this person” feeling.
The only person I’ve gotten really close to discerning it as officially crush was someone from work who was older by a good amount… which can be/is pretty weird.. Lots of people my age are just a little too crazy for me.. I guess??? Idk and even now I can’t tell if that was just “glad to have someone as a friend sorta thing. I’m really sorry if this is too personal and u don’t have to respond to the ask directly either I was just hoping on maybe some advice for some clarity if possible… as I get older and realize I’ve never dated/had that sorta infatuation it feels so excluding at times.
Also I am hoping for a feast AND desert with this “‘soon’ but still haven’t posted it two days later” chapter plz and thank you
I hope this made sense and wasn’t too invasive!! :(
when i was younger, i was reading about this kind of thing online and i didn't find anyone like me. i think it's about time that i come full circle and make my own post. i've got like half of my frontal lobe developed and i've been figuring out a lot of things about myself these past couple of years, and there might be someone out there who needs to hear this (´-`ʃ♡ƪ) so if anyone is interested, below the cut is a very long talk about how i figured some stuff out
when it came to my sexuality, i only started considering it when i was in middle school, going into high school. (which would be when i was 12-13). that's when a lot of my friends started having crushes on our classmates and i realized they were being serious when they said they had crushes on people. they had figured out their identities as being a lesbian or bisexual, and they had relationships. (or as close as you can get to that in middle school).
i started to panic and think that i was lagging behind. and i really started to repress my feelings about dating people and romance and what that would entail. i found out through the internet about being pansexual. at the time i thought "oh, they have the same attraction for everyone!" and i slapped it on myself because i thought it would fix everything. i even came out to my parents as pansexual and for a while i left it at that.
i had an idea of romance. i shipped characters in media and i knew that my parents really loved each other. there were a lot of examples for love in my life that weren't the best, but having two parents that actually did care about each other made me want that for myself in the future...
but that's in the future. i personally didn't think about it much because we were still kids. for a while i didn't think anyone else was being serious, that they were just trying it out quicker than i was ready for. it was a strange feeling. i guess i still believed we were playing make believe, or copying what we saw on TV or with our parents. often when my friends asked me who i had a crush on and i felt pressured, i would pick someone that i thought i wouldn't mind dating if i had to. someone would be "interested" in me and i would say "okay" because i felt like that was part of this game we all seemed to be playing. i've had a few "boyfriends" over the years that got people off my back when i had them. in elementary school it was this boy that didn't pick on me, another boy that was my parents' friend's kid. in middle school i had an online boyfriend and a couple of "crushes" on friends of friends, someone just a little far out of my circle that didn't shake anything up. my friends would help me get together with a person and they'd seem so excited for me, so i just went along with it.
then it hit me that they weren't doing it just to do it, or playing pretend. they actually felt something when they were interacting with their crushes. i started to reread books and rewatch media and really grasp what they were saying. the feeling of having butterflies inside them when they talked to each other, blushing when something was said? i thought that was about a general anxiety people get when talking to other people. but there was always something more to it that i just... didn't get. no matter how hard i tried, i didn't understand what that something was.
then started coming the pressure to do the same, to fit in. that's why i accepted a label of pansexual. it was "strange" but at least it didn't feel "broken." i could deal with people telling me that i was wrong for liking more than just boys. but to say that there was no one on the table gave me an anxiety i'd never felt before. like i would be letting down my family, that the entire course of my life would shift. i wouldn't walk down the aisle because there would be no wedding. my parents wouldn't have grandkids. my friends would go on to have lives completely separate from mine, we'd have nothing in common anymore. so i stuffed it all down and made myself believe that this wasn't who i was.
it really mixed me up because i did have a couple of "crushes" that felt real. there were a few girls i was friends with, there were boys in my classes (usually class clowns...) that i'd get excited to see every day. when i thought about dating them, it felt nice. any other time when i thought about dating someone, i'd get this awful feeling in my gut that i later realized was dread. i was fully convinced it was different from all the other times. that "different" that i didn't understand before.
it was different! but not for the reason i thought it was. those people made me laugh, they listened and remembered things about me (that i didn't get much of during that time of my life), and most of all: they didn't like me back.
there were literally no expectations in their eyes for things to go away from friendship. and i think that's what made me like them, but not as a crush. it was relief. there was always an expectation for other people (specifically boys) that if we were friends, things would stray from friendship at some point. not with these people. that relief, combined with all the other good feelings they gave me (class clowns...) made it so much easier to fall into a friendship that i didn't have with other people. and i was in denial for so long that i thought of those friendships as crushes because they were different from other friendships.
there were a couple of times that i got close to having to face my sexuality and it felt like a gut punch. there were a couple of people i was friends with (that i didn't have crushes on) that i had previously thought "if i had to pick someone" about. but when they actually told me their feelings, i would run away. in one case, i literally ran away. i changed my entire routine so that i wouldn't have to face them. and i'm a creature of habit, so of course i took that step back and asked myself why i was having such a strong reaction. my friends didn't understand why i was so panicked about these confessions. especially because before, i "liked" people and had no problem with it.
part of my feelings were that no one would actually like me (which only furthered me not wanting/not considering romance). some of the confessions that i got were fake/pranks, and it would really mess with my head. i wasn't skinny, i knew i was strange and awkward, and i could be very brash and stubborn. i had a weird sense of humor and i missed social ques. i got a lot of "you should be a lawyer" and complaints of being bossy when i was growing up and i always knew they really meant "you're a bitch." i wouldn't understand why i felt so othered from my peers like that until i learned i was possibly autistic, and i only found that out a couple years ago. combined with being plus sized and not conventionally attractive, i didn't get much breathing room. if i wasn't perfectly calm all the time, if i didn't force myself to be overly nice to people, and if i wasn't funny, i'd get told i was "draining" to be around.
i did a lot to try and fit in. i kept my hair long because people would compliment it, i tried to wear skirts instead of pants/shorts, i'd wear comfy clothes and the like so i didn't look like i was trying too hard. a lot of my personality was forced and i was the one who was being drained instead. i ended up having to get a radar for when people were just messing with me. and so when a real confession happened, there was a combination of anxiety about if they were faking or not, doubt that they could actually like me, and then a deep rooted fear about if they were being serious.
instead of the relief i should have felt when i learned it was a real confession, i still felt scared. it would be the same anxiety as if someone asked me to get on the world's tallest roller coaster in the world and i had just seen a chunk of the roller coaster fall in front of me.
that part made it even harder to come to grips with my sexuality. i thought if i gave up on being a hopeless romantic, i'd be giving in to all the times someone told me "I just don't see you dating anyone." being unlovable was a death sentence in my eyes. and it didn't help that i've lived in the south all my life. i was already strange and going to hell for a multitude of things. turning around and telling them that i was going against every expectation set of me to get married and have kids by 24????
(i should clarify that my parents had never been the ones to put this in my mind. when i came out as pansexual, they had only been confused about what the hell that was. the rest of their reaction was "i mean... we could already sort of tell." and while my parents had hopes for my future, i knew deep down that while they'd be a little sad not to have those expected memories with me, they wouldn't turn me away. and they would very likely be happy to create a whole different set of memories with me.)
i have my current friends to thank for me coming to terms with who i am. by the time i was in college i had started to question everything. my middle school friend group had been majority queer but we had gone to different schools or just faded apart. in high school, a majority of my time was spent in band. and while i was one of those people who had friends in a variety of friend groups, the closest friends i had were the people in my section that i sat next to every day. and in the present time, only a couple of them remained straight churchgoers. even though they've changed now just like i have, during high school i was a different story.
going to college opened me up to a far different experience. by this point i'd shifted from pansexual to bisexual. my college experience wasn't... ideal. or really healthy in any aspect. but meeting these people did dislodge the mindset i'd had for most of my life. and my current friends have changed my life. the fear that i had about being aromantic has now become the relief i needed my entire life. it doesn't feel broken, or wrong, or strange. sometimes i do feel sad about it, or question if this is really the case. maybe one day i'll meet someone who shows me that "different" feeling i'd been waiting to understand. but i grew past the societal expectation of needing a partner to be fulfilled in life and i'm so much happier.
life doesn't need to be about that partner. i have many, many friends and family to grow old with. i have a godchild!! one day i'll have my own house to celebrate holidays and achievements at, to host my friends and family. i'll have pets that i love and i'll have my own career, and i'll be happy because i never needed to fit expectations to be happy.
when it comes to anything sexual, it's sort of the same feeling as when i had "crushes" on people in real life. though also different? i don't look at real people and feel an attraction beyond knowing that they are attractive, objectively. i can feel attraction sometimes in a physical sense, but i have no interest in having anything personal happening between us. a fictional character has no interest in me, and so it feels safe to think that they're hot and to express it. like sure, yeah, i have a crush on them! i get giggly when Captain Smoker from One Piece shows up on the screen, and the new Superman makes me think "oh! okay!" but if they were real and in front of me? i'd probably... lose that attraction, like it was never there.
here's the kicker, though, and might sound weird at first: you don't have to put a label on yourself
yeah, i do consider myself aroace. but the world is ever changing and so is the human experience. it helps to have a basis, to understand your feelings and work through them. it's nice to be like "there is a name for this" and to find a community through that. i'm not saying there's anything wrong about figuring out your identity and saying "I'm this, this, and this!" nothing at all wrong with that. but we're all figuring ourselves out, all the time. it doesn't end when you put the label on. you have the entire rest of your life to continue learning things about yourself and the world around you. i wish i'd known in middle school that i didn't have to rush it, that i have every opportunity to take it one phase at a time. a human life seems fleeting, especially when you're looking back on your past and feeling like the time flew by. but that's just our perception of it as we look back.
what i mean to say it that it's okay to backtrack. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to not put a label on it. it's okay to put a label on it. it's okay not to tell anyone, if you don't want to. it's okay to say "i'll figure it out." and it's okay if you don't. it's okay if you sit up in bed one day when you're 60 years old and go "that's what it is." as long as you live your life listening to yourself and not trying to meet an expectation you think you have to, then you're doing it right.
and it's okay if you lived your life like i did, and you didn't do any of that. being a human is messy and that's part of life. you're not gonna get it right the first time- but even then, sometimes you will! there's a nuance and a spectrum to everything you experience. take pride in who you are even if you don't have a clue yet. be kind to yourself. you're gonna be okay.
#this is pretty long#but there really might be someone who needs to hear this#learned that from my band director#he used to go on and on and tell us life lessons and his own experiences#and he used to apologize and say “but someone might have needed that”#and he was right#didn't mention it above but there were a couple times where my family was homeless#and one time he said something in class and it changed everything for me#he was right#someone might need it#this ask was a while ago but i had to get my thoughts together coherently#so anon know that you're not alone#and that what you've experienced is very common#aromantic#asexual#aroace#acespec#arospec#aromantism#queer#lgtbqia+#figuring out identities#my long winded life story
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Content Warning: Implied nudity and marks from prior saucy shenanigans ahead! Nothing explicit is shown.
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After figuring out how to properly engage in sexual intercourse, L asks to hear the origin story of Light's Kira career to understand their situation better. Following a brief interaction with Ryuk, L is slightly reassured about the shinigami's role in Light's life. Then, the boys decide to get saucy again (to the shinigami's chagrin).
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Transcript
#drawn by me#my fancomic#The Chain#lawlight#Light Yagami#L#Ryuk#tw: suggestive#tw: implied nudity#saucy shenanigans#past and future lol#abhorrently flippant discussion regarding ending human lives#I still don't condone their actions~#shinigami#exposition#L gaining a better understanding of Light's situation#yeah honestly not a very eventful update. but this thing is coming to a close.#L had to know about this stuff eventually#this comic has become about exploring my own personal lawlight-related headcanons in a way#L being very alarmed by Light's relationship with Ryuk and what Ryuk has to ultimately do specifically#Light kind of glammed up his meeting with Ryuk; omitting that he fell on his ass screaming when he got jumpscared by a demon in his room~#not that L has much of a leg to stand on regarding the revelation that shinigami MIGHT exist (fell out of a chair himself)#at least they're both decent at getting said demon to leave the room when they start smooching~#Ryuk needs to get used to that#I tried to give them some sex bruises and junk but please forgive the inconsistency#it's not my specialty obviously~#I did want to emphasize that L has more scratches and Light has more bruises. Just a fun fact lol.#gosh they're so sappy at the end. what dorks. *rolls eyes and smirks*#may do edits to some of these images. didn't want to just sit and obsess over it any longer than necessary lol#I actually DID do an edit to the first image so that it's a little safer to have above a cut
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my headcanon/vibe is that lucanis always has a little bit of a thing for rook in the beginning, until either treviso falls (for the dramatic 'interest dropped like a lead weight all at once' version) or a lack of reciprocal vibes makes it fade away quietly and undramatically into a background affection without any particular romantic charge, as indeed seems to have been what happened for him with viago. (see reyes vidal in me:a for a similar case, where I get the sense that he always has some sort of Thing for ryder (even when you're standoffish with him haha he wants ryder to like him SO BAD and not only for Scheming reasons) but never actually makes anything of it unless ryder responds in kind. without further comparison with lucanis intended here except that I love both characters immensely and with tevinter nights included they DO actually have a writer crossover lol.) rook was the first kind voice to break through to him in the ossuary, imprinting a little initially makes perfect sense to me no matter what it develops into later.
source: vibes but trust me I'm right (I'm right for me), look at the way he keeps glancing over at rook while drinking his coffee even without a single flirt under rook's belt and tell me I'm miles off. go on. and most of all "bitter and sweet, like a kiss goodbye. you should try it" is an absolutely insane thing to say to someone you're ostensibly connected to mainly in a professional capacity in the first place. but somehow both more and less insane if you're nursing a bit of a crush on them perhaps without quite recognizing it yourself yet. still nuts, to be clear, but a bit more explicable lol
#I think it's the 'you should try it' that does it. he could have said 'you might like it' or 'it's my favourite' or something#and the over the top description would read more as just antivans being antivans#but the actively involving/inviting thing going on with 'you should try it' makes it SO. lucanis. my best friend and my love#I'm not sure you realize what you're doing but thank you for doing it you are strange and enchanting#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I mean not necessarily as I hope I've outlined above but nebulous one-sided romantic attraction that need not go anywhere at least lol
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The "Binghe fell in love with Shen Qingqiu because he was an authority figure and he has abandonment issues" jokes are funny and all, but my GOD if I see another person actually believing that's the whole reason Luo Binghe fell in love with SQQ I will go insane.
#on today's episode of: What Is Angel Mad About Now?#the answer is a random tiktok i saw on an svsss tiktoks compilation of yt#they said bingqiu wouldn't be a couple if they met under any other circumstances other than the one in the book#because of the reason above#don't make me fucking deck you#as if svsss could ever be that black and white#if they wouldn't be a couple in any other circumstances why tf did bingge immediately fall in love with shen yuan you fucking idiot#it's not because of the circumstances they met in it's because of the people they are!!!#their love is deeper than just being at the right place at the right fucking time#I'M FUCKING MAD!!!!#anqels ramblings#eva.txt#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#bingqiu
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