#of people who came up in the fandom (as it were) during c2

[kerosene-in-a-blender]

Others have talked, very rightly, about Bells Hells having an extremely Us vs. Them style of morality and one thing I find interesting about all that is many of their most virulent (read: actively nasty towards other fans) defenders are also taking this stance. The party line has become that the segments of the fandom that are disappointed with how this campaign shook out have never been happy with anything Bells Hells did from the beginning and have been actively hating on people who do like it for just as long. Us, the beleaguered Campaign 3 lovers versus Them, the mean c3 haters (who are often characterized as being hung up on the Mighty Nein and simply mad Bells Hells aren't the Nein again).

What's been quite funny for me personally is that I have seen vague posts clearly targeted at myself giving me the above detailed characterization of the c3 hater when I: have never seen Campaign 2 (though I did watch Campaign 1 back in 2019), started watching live with the first EXU, got into the fandom (as a lurker) at the start of Campaign 3, didn't make any of my own posts about it until late 2022 and didn't start really posting in earnest until mid 2023. Practically none of the characteristics applied to the archetypal c3 hater certain fans have created actually apply to me, other than of course thinking Campaign 3 actually isn't very good. So it's been interesting to watch people draw lines in the sand and create an Us vs. Them narrative that I know isn't true based on existing as myself.

[laurasbailey]

i wish maybe in the future ppl could discuss beaujes more openly! without of course, attracting those weirdos that almost made me quit the fandom altogether back in 2020. they lurk in the shadows, and pounce from time to time making things awful & weird...

i'll love to have some answers about marisha going for it pretty seriously (in her own talksm words). about how things seem to go that way until ashley came back for real, about how there must been over the table talks about the endgame relationships. about how after the c0vid break it was pretty much gone...

i hope time buries those insanely nasty things that those years brought, and maybe they get to share a bit more of how things went....

oh i totally get it, beauyasha antis and the lesbophobia surrounding them were a big reason i stepped away from fandom interaction during c2 too. nowadays i'd like to think my inbox is a pretty safe space to have mature conversations about things bc even if i'm not a fan of something i'm well aware it's someone else's favourite thing and i hate when people needlessly shit on something i love when there's nothing wrong with it lmao

i remember at the time a lot of people were confused about beau's choices (especially when they contradicted things marisha said on talks) but honestly i think marisha was just playing her character really well. in my opinion it went down exactly how beau explained it to fjord: her feelings for yasha were always deeper and that scared her, then she drew back even further when she found out about zuala. then yasha was taken by obann, and while marisha knew yasha was coming back, it made sense for beau to close that door (they also had no idea whether yasha was straight-up evil or not). meanwhile, jester has always been there, doesn't have a dead ex, and is, for beau, the "safer" choice.

and i could just be projecting, but as someone who can relate to parts of beau's upbringing, it's a very real lesbian-who-has-family-trauma experience to latch on to your friend who is incredibly sweet and open with her emotions and shows you affection in a way you've never received before. i think the crush was definitely real, but despite marisha saying beau's feelings were 'unlike anything she'd ever felt before' (which, again, with the repression of her feelings for yasha, could very well be what beau believed), the minute yasha was back, beau didn't so much as look at anyone else.

but that's just my two cents on it! in the end it made sense to me, but i was also an angry gay only child with a shitty childhood who gravitated towards any girl who was extra nice to me and radiated sunshine so i feel uniquely qualified LMAO

[utilitycaster]

Something that’s struck me lately is how the fanbase for Marisha specifically seems to have shrunk dramatically as of late, and so I wanted to talk through it. Noting this up front but: I’m making this rebloggable to start, but will not hesitate to lock it down if people can’t behave. It's an observation, not an accusation per se and definitely not any judgment on Marisha herself; in fact, I think it really sucks for her that this is what's happened.

I can expand on any of this but in the briefest of terms: the intense misogyny in the fandom in Campaign 1 and particular hatred towards Keyleth, culminating in death threats, led, among other things, to a fanbase that was extremely protective. However, by the time I joined the fandom with Campaign 2, the misogyny, while never gone, had significantly reduced (and in general the dudebro portion of the fanbase, while again never fully gone, has been on a decline as the cast became more open about their politics and the world of Exandria became more diverse.) This protectiveness became extreme - completely reasonable in-game conflict between Beau and other characters were perceived as acts of hostility, neutral remarks about Beau in comparison to other characters were interpreted as criticism, and so on. A party line solidified as time went on, of Marisha's characters being tough leaders and hard to kill.

Throughout all of this, something that was true is that Marisha had a fanbase that followed her - obviously to the various cast one shots, but also to the G&S content during Campaign 1 (Dread, Signal Boost, etc) and scattered other things (GM-ing for the Descent Into Avernus D&D live). Her role as creative director was rightfully discussed and lauded.

Things started to shift first with the return from hiatus, and then, not quite a year later, the end of Campaign 2. People who had shipped Beau with Jester quit either when the relationships of C2 began to solidify, or following the finale. This did a pretty significant number on her fanbase, but there were a decent number of people still there; largely people who were more invested in "tough leaders, hard to kill" than her character necessarily being shipped with Laura's characters.

Enter Laudna: zero interest in leadership; extremely killable. Now, people hung on for a while; they had her back during the gnarlrock fight. But as the Bassuras arc wore on and the clear central woman of the campaign was Imogen, they grew quieter, and by the time Laudna died (extremely killable), she was little more than ship fodder. Two things ten happened: The original crowd began to fade away, but a fairly significant influx of new people came in, intrigued by the potential for a relationship...and if she'd been little more than ship fodder to start, she was, more than ever, half of a whole now.

The defensiveness about Marisha's characters shifted now to Laura's character, and while Laudna was vocally beloved, she wasn't defended in the same way. It's started up again, slightly, but notably only after she entered a relationship, and compared to C2? It's incredibly lazy and sluggish, often appearing days or weeks after the criticism, and the appeals to stop all critical analysis based on misogynist hate, never a valid argument to begin with (and rarely accompanied by one either), are even weaker 6+ years down the line.

But the most notable thing I've noticed is that people don't follow Marisha to things outside the main campaign anymore. I noticed it first with Candela Chapter 2, and then this week with the Mortal Kombat one-shot. It used to be that if Marisha GM-ed something, particularly in a cool wig and a crop top, her fans showed up in force. Even with Calamity, while the numbers weren't what they once were, there was something, but Aunt Beatrix isn't young and hot and shippable and so there's no one watching for her.

I've seen virtually no conversation other than my posts about the Candela SDCC panel, which very much showcases her creative direction; while I get that Midst is a whole other thing to get into and podcasts aren't everyone's thing, it is very much her and Sam's involvement, and her discussion during that panel was great, and there's nothing. It feels both ironic and deeply sad that someone who was dismissed both as no more than the DM's girlfriend out of game and Vax's annoying love interest in it, and who's talked about the pressure towards youth and beauty as likely informing her D&D characters, is reduced to "can we ship it"; it makes a lot of sense there's little discussion of that creative direction, because, well, you cannot ship it.

Because the hard "no criticism allowed stance" present specifically within Marisha's fanbase at least as early as the beginning of Campaign 2, it meant that a single unpopular choice from her has cost her large swathes of her fans. And for what it's worth, I don't think she necessarily knows, or cares, but it does make me wonder: if Laudna hadn't said yes to Imogen...would there be anyone left watching who would name her as their favorite cast member?

[potatoesandsunshine]

1, 6, 22 for the critrole ask meme

thanks for the ask!!

1: Character you don't particularly like, but will defend vehemently when people dislike them for the wrong reasons: i’m a little out of the loop on General Fandom Opinions right now, so looking back i think it’s probably veth? i never felt that connected to her as a character but there was a lot of bullshit that people said about her that i disagreed with. the Veth War Criminal tm Discourse was very stupid, the ‘she’s married she could never have feelings for anyone else’ idea was very stupid, i remember a lot of takes about her just not being a good/realized character which were… very stupid. veth was a whole character i just ended up pretty neutral on. (if i was answering this question during c2 i probably would’ve said caduceus but honestly the more time passes the more i like him.)

6: NPC you would most like to see as the subject of a Tales of Exandria series: is it cheating to say astrid bc like, i just want more astrid. i don’t need more backstory i just wanna see what she’s doing right now this second. oooooh or they should do something with j’mon sa ord i feel like c1 teased a lot of really interesting history with them and i would like to see it.

22: Assume that every single non-multiclassed wizard PC OR significant wizard NPC (includes EXU Calamity) are in a battle royale, and all are level 16. Who would you bet on as the winner?: Laerryn Coramar-Seelie could defeat any other wizard in critical role i know this in my bones. Laerryn wins this every time. Aabria came to the calamity to win the calamity and who could even hope to defeat her. take a seat widogast take a seat thelyss take a seat ikithon take a seat vysoren take a seat errenis. they don’t make wizards in exandria like they used to.

[ecofinisher]

¡Vamos a España! - Chap 1

Chapter 1

Fandom: The Snow Queen (Wizart)

Ships: RollanxGerda, AlfidaxKai

Rating: General Audience

Summary:  Rollan doesn't feel well and goes back to Spain. Gerda understood his reasons and offered him her pet as a companion during the time he's gone. Soon he discovers his mother owes the bank money and to Rollan emerges an opportunity to help her out of that situation. It got worse for him as he soon has to deal with former bullies from his class, but thanks to Gerda's comfort he fights for his place in the guard academy. His Siberian friends give him assistance, which in the end led him to be a hero.

My actual idea was to make a crossover, but as my previous one already was one and I'm tired af of it I picked only Snow Queen. I didn't want to start this earlier, but my Miraculous fanfic its plot isn't as fully developed to the end as this one, so I'll have these two active.

So before I start this takes place about a year after the events of Mirrorlands. Also, I have no clue what canon age the characters are in the movie so the following age I've guessed is between the 16-19. Kai's got 16, Alfida 17, Gerda 18 and Rollan 19. Maybe KaixAlfida are the same age, but I believe Gerda and Rollan have at least 1-2 years of distance from the other or Rollan just seems older to me.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442912/chapters/72325119

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13819897/1/Vamos-a-Espa%C3%B1a

https://www.wattpad.com/1026318158-%C2%A1vamos-a-espa%C3%B1a-chapter-1

Another usual day passed by around the kingdom of King Harald, the misunderstood antagonist whose bad experience with the Snow Queen led him into the fever in getting rid of all his citizens, who had the genetic of magicians in the fear they would just turn heartless just like the Snow Queen once did years ago. Thanks to a young girl named Gerda with the help of the Snow Queen and friends she met throughout her life King Harold was stopped and learned, that not all magicians were as bad as he thought they were. To his surprise, he even got to learn, that his own son had magic in his DNA, making him a magician too, and shows more comprehension towards every magician in his kingdom.

Over the year things have changed over the kingdom, not only for him but for everyone else in the kingdom. Science was still a thing for the kingdom, but including the magic of others more advanced, certain things in the kingdom have gotten. Harold was really amused to see how far things have gotten since he began to work on his first projects for the kingdom. Who knows what more ideas people will bring in the coming future?

On the main street, Kai, the younger brother of Gerda walked out of a barbershop and waved at a brunette man, which stood in the inside cutting the hair of another man. Kai walked on the sidewalk towards a small, wooden cabin, where a few adults stood waiting and Kai looked up at a pole to see an hourglass attached on the top with a wooden sign beside it with the following words carriage every hour. Kai smiled from seeing the sand was almost full on the other half of the glass.

Kai observed around the road citizens walking normally on the street, some stopping in front of certain stores to take a look into them to check what they had to offer and on the road passed by a regular carriage carrying bags of flour and the side had mentioned the destination where it was going, then the man sitting behind the horses waved his hand at Kai, making him smile and wave back. Kai doesn't know exactly who that guy was, but major of the citizens are pretty educated towards everyone, which makes the kingdom one of the friendliest around their part of the region. On the other side of the road was another stop for carriages, where more men and women were waiting to get picked up, afterward a light-blue and white carriage appeared to stop in front of those people, which got up on the top of the berline afterward the guide of the carriage moved the leash to make the two horses move further leaving the place. From the corner of a house appeared a young man running behind the carriage shouting for the driver to stop, then got annoyed and threw his hat against the ground as he missed it, then got down under the stop to wait for the next carriage. Kai chuckled at the sight of the man, that missed the ride then recognized the neigh of a horse, then Kai saw another coach to pick them up, and soon as it stopped Kai waited for the other passengers to leave, then Kai climbed up into the duo-colored vehicle and sat on the side of it and observed the passage as their carriage had just departed.

„What a day," Kai mentioned neutrally and looked up at a church clock to see it passed after 5 pm. On the next crossroad, Kai encountered another stop for horse carriages, where other citizens were waiting for their ride and Kai moved his head to the opposite direction to encounter a carriage, which had got one of its wheels broke and the one of the leading horse lied on the ground in front of a man, which was taking a look at his leg afterward he held his hands over the end and a blue light appeared over it to heal slowly the horse until the injury had disappeared. The man smiled at the horse and patted him on the head.

Kai smiled after seeing the healer taking care of the horse and looked forward at the road seeing they were approaching the first stop of the ride he took, but he still was a few stops away from his destination, which was the home of him and his family. This evening would be a full house again for his family, cause they would have guests over - Alfida and Rollan. Alfida was the first female friend Gerda had made during the time she left the orphanage to save him. Kai initially didn't quite get along with Alfida. At least he thought that, but the funny thing was both had a crush on each other but weren't quite smart on how to show this to the other. For Kai Alfida mostly looked like she kept just teasing him out of fun, which made Kai most of the time thought that she was bullying him, but this wasn't the case. It was more Kai was so used to getting negativity from the people working in the orphanage, that he's more careful in who he makes bonds with. Alfida grew her entire life with her mother and her pirate team, so she didn't really learn how to handle the new feelings she had for the boy.

Rollan just entered into Gerda's life at one low point of his and Gerda's life. Both were sick from moving around on their own as orphans to make money and asked Orm, the former assistant of the Snow Queen if they could stay at his house for a while. Rollan had just got into their house on the same night as the siblings and as it seemed Alfida and Orm already knew him as he was a fanatic legend seeker from Spain. For some reason Kai disliked him. Rollan's appearance had led him and Gerda to have a fight and go different ways leaving her alone with Rollan. Kai innerly regretted having left Gerda back at that time, but he didn't want her nor Alfida to know he needed her. He came back as soon as he heard, what happened and went with Alfida to save Gerda from the lava Rollan had dropped her in. Kai after knowing that hated him more than anyone else. During the time he was helping Gerda in finding a way to free their friends, they encountered Rollan again lying in the middle of the lava and he assisted Gerda into bringing him up onto the ship. Kai hasn't understood yet how Gerda quickly forgave Rollan in the next following days. Was Rollan really ashamed and sorry, for what he has done? Or did the fire-demon took over Rollan's mind and lead him to do that to Gerda? This is a question he will never have the answer to. Rollan's memory has vanished from that time, which was understandable for him to not understand why everyone was hating him. Gerda forgave the Spaniard. Alfida did for the sake of her friendship with Gerda. The parents seem alright with him, at least he doesn't have heard anything special about it. They're actually happy, that he was willing to protect Gerda with his life on the day King Harald was fighting him and Gerda. Kai is just glad now everything is better now and that his family is now reunited and they all get along.

Kai approached the stop of the carriage, then got down of the carriage and walked forward passing by the stores to get closer to a store, that sold mirrors and got into the store to encounter his father handing out a mirror toward a young woman, which gave him the payment.

„Have a nice day," The man wished, then he noticed Kai and smiled. „Welcome back, son," The father greeted watching Kai approach him and take out from the pocket of his jacket a bunch of coins.

„Look I've sold my portrait for 14 Dinar," Kai announced earning a thumb up from his father.

„Wow that's fantastic," Complimented master Vegard. „If Gerda also brings at least 10 Dinar back home we can really make a great family dinner tonight for our guests,"

„That would be cool. I will put it into our family piggy bank," Kai announced walking back at the door behind the reception of his father.

„Great and now that you're here, go up to your mother see if she needs help,"

„Sure, see you later dad," Kai said disappearing behind the door.

At dinner time, Alfida was the first guest to show up at the house and sat in front of the table next to Kai showing him an old sheet, which he was looking onto it.

„It was odd. We searched the entire cave for that book, but it wasn't there. We did everything we could and nothing,"

„Now that sounded like a big waste of time," Kai stated earning a nod from the girlfriend.

„Yes. Wasted two entire weeks for nothing," Alfida said placing the map on the table, then Kai placed his hand on Alfida's shoulder to pat her.

„But now you're back. Tonight's dinner will definitely cheer you up. We've got beef, chicken, peas, and potato. Nothing fishy tonight," Kai explained making Alfida chuckle.

„That sounds great," Alfida agreed placing her hand on Kai's leg, making him smile, then the boy leaned his head toward the girl, and before he kissed her Gerda's pet ferret Luta jumped on the lap of Alfida shrieking her.

„Woah Luta!" Alfida commented, then grabbed the ferret which nudged her head on the girl's cheek. „Yes I'm happy to see you too," Alfida confirmed, then looked across the room to see Gerda come along with a pot to place it on the middle of the table.

„Okay, one thing is done," Gerda said, then looked at Luta, which jumped up at the dark-blonde girl, which smiled as her pet ferret came at her arm. „Yes I know she's here,"

„Where's Rollan?" Questioned Alfida. „Shouldn't he be here too?"

„He must have got a little delayed," Gerda responded. „He didn't cancel it,"

„Did he actually got a job now?"

„Oh not yet. He tried the other day at the barbershop, but it wasn't quite his thing," Gerda mentioned making Kai wide his eyes.

„Was it per coincidence the barbershop of Mr. Ludmilis? He told me he had a foreign guy trying out the job and he failed badly at cutting someone's beard," Kai asked making Gerda shrug her shoulders.

„I don't know. He said he accidentally cut the man's face at his first try," Gerda mentioned making Alfida snicker.

„Oh boy, I wish I could have seen that," Alfida mentioned.

„Come on, it's not that easy for him," Gerda stopped earning a nod from Alfida.

„I was just joking. He sure will find something that is worth his skills," Assured the raven-haired girl, then Luta got down of Gerda's arms running at the entrance door, where Vegard passed by as someone just knocked on it and he opened up to see the Spanish boy the girls were talking about standing in front of the entrance.

„ Buenas noches!" Rollan greeted, then he looked down at the ground to see the ferret push Rollan on his pants with the teeth. „Yes, I'm happy to see you too, Luta," Rollan commented stepping into the house carefully with the ferret on his leg afterward Gerda picked the ferret up and it glared at Rollan angry, then got patted by Gerda.

„That's just Rollan. You don't need to worry about him anymore," Gerda explained to her pet, which glanced at Rollan and turned her head away from him in a snobbish way. „I'm sorry,"

„It's fine. She's just......warning me," Rollan commented unsure how to respond to the ferret's protective instict toward her owner. „Glad to be here tonight," Announced the raven-haired boy, then Gerda got on her tiptoes to peck him on his cheek, followed by Luta moving her head up to bite him on his nose. „Ouch!"

„Luta!" Gerda shouted making Luta giggle. „You're alright?"

„No problemo. Maybe she's happier now," Rollan mentioned watching Luta get down on the floor and trot away making Gerda chuckle.

„It seems," Gerda agreed. „Come on and sit down. Dinner is almost ready,"

„Uh hum," Rollan answered walking around the table to sit down, followed by Gerda, who took the chair next to him.

[southsidestory]

Bringing back an oldie that is pure comedic gold. I never actually shared the review here because it’s massive but you know what? I think some of you would appreciate it anyway! Random reviewer does get points for using his actual account and not dropping this pile of shit in my inbox anonymously. That I can respect, and for the sake of protecting his FF identity, his name is blocked out.

And for those who don’t want to click to embiggen:

“Another fiction (recommended by someone) concerning Sasuke and Sakura, and yet another grave disappointment. You have used Rinnegan Sasuke and adopted a monumentally absurd logic of him actually having trouble evading her during their training session? You cannot be serious! Why do all people infatuated with Sakura (or Hinata) and her non-canon “oh-so-awesome” speed (and her nonexistent and laughably poor CQC prowess) put her on such a high pedestal? It just baffles me. That is practically non-canon to the point of being grossly and obscenely OOC. Hebi Sasuke will cut her war-arc and Gaiden self down into confetti, even if he stands at a great distance from her (make it more than a kilometer, if you must), before she even has a chance to think, let alone blink. That is how fast Sasuke is. The guy was dodging consecutive Clay-based C2 (C4 as well) blasts that are well above hyper-sonic speed … in succession like it was nothing. The only time he got hit was when he let Deidara hit him to lure him into a trap. As for Kenjutsu, then people still misread that Bee battle and use the “underestimating thing” so freely without even paying attention to the manga (your S-Class mission took such a liberty there that it’s ludicrous)? Where Sasuke (despite being badly injured; as confirmed by Jugo and himself), was still faster than Bee to throw a sword into his other hand and hit himself with a Chidori before Bee even made a single stab; a fact confirmed by Bee himself (that the wounds were not fatal as he used Raiton to make them non-fatal)? Or Bee confirming and equating an injured man’s reflex action speed with Fourth Raikage in his Raiton cloak without the second “Bijuu chakra level” augmentation as Karin comments? A (Ae) guy who has been confirmed to be much faster than Minato when he uses Raiton armor (without “Bijuu chakra level” augmentation) as stated by Shee in the Viz translation of the manga? Or Bee admitting that Sasuke was the toughest opponent he ever took on? Where are you getting this from anyway? Who does a Rinnegan user have to underestimate? Who has this luxury? Forget that, how many opponents Sasuke took down during his training with Orochimaru? It led him to comment that he (when he was Sasuke’s age) was a lesser genius? Or Mifune (the guy with the fastest sword draw) commenting on Sasuke’s speed with the sword? Or Sasuke taking down several samurais as if they were cow-fodder; who were shown fight toe to toe Karui and Omoi (the same people who handed Sakura’s posterior to her in a second)? And she was using her Kunai and deflecting his attacks … just like that? It just bamboozles me … Then you showed that she deflected his Shurikens like it was nothing? Yes, like Orochimaru being lured into a trap by a twelve-year-old Sasuke did, right? Even he couldn’t do that. And that was when Sasuke was just a child. Or Danzo dying to one despite possessing about a dozen Sharingans? Or Deidara getting pinned by Fuma Shurikens despite being in air and throwing bombs at Sasuke? I mean, he STILL couldn’t evade them! Or Itachi, who could only match his prowess when he’s an expert in this as well? But Sakura is suddenly an expert in Shuriken-Jutsu; at Itachi’s level? Heck, he got his brother’s headband when he just woke up from a Tsukuyomi, stretched to 48 hours by Itachi and he was only eight years old then! By God! Should I go on? And “tossed” sounds like such an odd choice of words for Shurikens. Is he playing ball with her? Seems like it, as he left that one-of-a-kind dexterity and intelligence home when he sparred with the uber-talented Queen of ALL Ninjutsu (I will get to this point later), Kenjutsu, Shurikenjutsu etc. you name it! She’s so damned talented! And you are not even talking about these versions of Sasuke. You are talking about Rinnegan Sasuke; a guy who was much faster than Kinshiki (both in speed and in reflex action) and took his horn out and destroyed his created-swords, how many times? The only thing that threw him back was the force of the blows. Christ Almighty … he’s having difficulty with … Sakura?! Heck, the guy was much faster than Naruto (he has always been) in the movie. This is what irks me to no end about these Sakura-centric (or even Hinata-centric) fictions. Sakura’s status is upped to a ridiculous degree and Sasuke is dumbed down (a prodigy, might I add; Shikamaru also looked up to him by his own admission) to match Sakura’s level to such a degree that he becomes a painstakingly laughable, blubbering, hyper-romantic jackass who just … happens to be in love. Why? No reason. This fiction is no different. Why is Sasuke getting jealous of her sleeping around? No reason. He just is. When Sasuke in canon manga has always been an adherent of ideals and never a pointless, salivating chaser of romance and women. Which would explain why he only had sex with Sakura ONCE in over a decade. And that is canon-manga. Once he gave that to Sakura, he left her and never looked back. When he came back in the movie, it ends on a note of him standing away from her and looking off into the distance. In Gaiden, when she leaned in to kiss, he threw her an odd look and high-tailed out of her. Which version of Sasuke does this fandom keep writing? I don’t get. Really, I don’t. Then we have the issue of Sasuke crying in her arms and having nightmares, when he never did in the manga. Which portion of manga is this where he cried in her arms, or anyone’s arms, for reassurances or hurt/comfort nonsense when he isn’t even a child here? The only time that happened was when he fell down and was fainting with no control over his body after a lethal bite from Orochimaru (a bite that is only survived by one in TEN people). The kid was twelve then. The whole premise of your fiction is based on the sheer bastardization of his character. You have practically butchered it … and in second chapter, might I add. The very beginning! Your story goes on in a typical fashion, claiming scattered cliches of romances whilst not giving much value to what the manga actually exhibits. I have no issues with your genres. It’s your treatment that is bothersome. That admittance of “I didn’t listen to you” before Sakura about that criminal was literally the last straw; forget how absurd and unreal a Rinnegan user’s bloodied form actually was (I don’t even want to touch it, as it’ll open yet another can of nasty worms). It was another grave error of making Sasuke act like a complete fool before a ninja infinitely inferior than him on every front that it’s practically impossible to take this fiction seriously. When has he ever done that? Even after discarding Konoha’s putrid Nationalism, the only words he said to Kakashi were, “yeah, sorry.” Then we have the preachy tone of your fiction (till the sixth chapter anyway), where you define the clear tones of “hedunwrong” and go off with lengthy and highly hilarious comebacks from her and Naruto on putting Sasuke down. Disguising these admonishing tones with back and forth moods that is just off-putting. Give me a break! I cannot believe you are actually serious with this. Naruto would never admonish Sasuke or treat him badly (even mildly). The guy hyperventilated, let Karui sink his face in, was willing to commit suicide over Sasuke for crying out loud. He never went down this shady road. Heck, the guy repeatedly whined in several monologues that, “why don’t you come home, Sasuke?” and, “I understand how you feet” etc. The instance that made me drop this story was Sasuke sharing his … clan’s rite with Sakura. What on earth? You do realize that it requires “potent” Uchiha chakra to perform it, and that it has never, and I mean NEVER, been shared with or copied by anyone outside the clan? No one has managed it? Not even Kakashi. Why? Because if you had ever paid attention to the manga, then you would have realized that Uchiha chakra’s potency is comparable to the Bijuus (high-tier Uchihas). It is mentioned by Kurama and talked about several times in the manga. It is unmatched in the manga. Quite literally, given that Indra’s line directly inherited the Sage’s “strong Chakra” genes, Ashura never did. Now, one can let you off on the whole Sage inheritance as this was completed in 2014, but the rest still holds. The ground literally tears up and breaks apart when this technique is used when it happens with no other Katon tech from people other than the Uchiha. Sasuke broke apart a large stone wall with Dragon Jutsu when he launched it at the sky. How on earth can Sakura learn it … whose chakra is literally not even in a pathetic basket by comparison in regards to potency? I don’t care if it was just a knock-off version of it, how can she? When no one has … not even the Sarutobi clan who also happen to be experts in Katon Jutsus? Christ on a crutch, is all this even necessary? This out of character, sloppy take on a superman Sakura with such an “ah-sum” potent chakra, “ah-mahzing, theygoblindman” speed that gives Sasuke trouble (I gotta laugh at this), “es-pahshal” intelligence (when she’s canonically far below Sasuke, and I mean FAR below him) that allows her the accomplishment of such impossible feats? Her Chakra Control (CC)? You do realize that she would require CC at Sasuke’s level to even think about producing half the effects of the Uchiha tech as she lacks the chakra? Sure, her CC is pretty good. Excellent even. It’s above Naruto’s, as all he does is handle great volumes of chakra; the Bijuu literally hand over kneaded chakra to him. But at Sasuke’s level? The guy’s CC is at the Sage of the six paths level. Yes, this is manga fact, stated by Kurama itself to Naruto when he made a Pseudo-Mezo out of his Perfect Susanoo and poured perfectly controlled and kneaded Bijuu Chakra within it! Now, how can she produce such a control to even accomplish this given that three ingredients to produce this are missing; CC at Sasuke’s level or slightly below

CONTD … him, Chakra potency and distinct bloodline attributes? Apparently, it is of little issue as canon plot be damned! Honestly, this Sakura is such a Mary-Sue, capable of feats that must make her canon self dizzy and mad with envy. That’s the problem with romantic fandom here (NH as well, along with Hinata-Centric fics), they have little to no understanding of the manga. It doesn’t even seem like they have read it beyond the bubbles, contorted to suit their self-created romantic perspectives or fanciful notions of God characters and Naruto is the worst offender there, where he’s (hilariously) given a Sharingan and made to act like Sasuke, when that fandom hates the latter’s guts! All you have done here is assimilate several cliches and tropes to create a narrative that is built on a flimsy and improper footing. People do that with Uchiha brothers all the time. Make them chase like silly, idiotic men in the grip of a concept that is not even remotely touched upon in the manga. Not even close. Making them seem like these inconsequential, trivial caricatures that litter ever Samantha’s and Martha’s romance novels … and it’s quite painful to trudge through it. And that is not all, you have several pacing issues as well. There are abrupt breaks between scenes when they can be joined to the next one as the mood remains the same. Improper use of conjunction or it’s missing altogether. Dragged on scenes where pointless romantic mood is given priority rather than realistic characterization, which should be used to build a mood. That Sakura confession was the lowest point in this fiction till the sixth chapter bar Sakura’s “es-phashal” status as a ninja. Granted, we all make mistakes. Heck, I make them all the time and cannot seem to pinpoint them until after a month or so. But this is Beta-Read! How could your Beta not see these errors in genre and plot pacing in general, along with the over-use of OOC-ness to make this work AT ALL COSTS? I suppose fictions like “Aves of Maria” are a rarity, where the author knows they are dealing with a character that is not an exhibitionist of bleeding romance and is reserved and cold on such front. There, it was put under the carefully thick garb of lust. But, this is Naruto fandom and that was DeathNote fandom. That aside, it wasn’t all doom and gloom. You have quite a lot of positives as well even if the narrative tone is very troublesome. Your dialogues are clean and have a tinge of realism in them. The flow is (mostly) maintained and there is a good amount of consistency between the scenes. That is, perhaps, the most solid part of your story. You tend to remain consistent with the whole thing (good or bad). It tends to create a good flow that is hard to accomplish. As a final word, you have a solid footing as a writer. If you stop using tropes and cliches (like you have done here), then you can accomplish a lot. I may have sounded harsh, but I am a blunt individual. And I would never have reviewed it had someone not requested me to, to be honest. Anyhow, good luck on your future endeavours. I wish you all the best.”

I wish you all the best too, dear. *kisses*