#+ is basically their presentation post and also to handle a reference with only of the kids in case of any situation. like art trade

[artist-heart83]

Update in the reference sheet!

The original plan was dropped them for my birthday week, just to realize that- guys we are talking about 19 drawings in full body, holy shit

So yeah, until I don’t finished that no 300 followers celebration at the moment

But I’m making progress, slowly but it progress! I just finished sketching the references for the kiddos from the first batch!

Which meant 9/19, just 10 more left to sketch and then lineart and coloring!

[mysumeow]

. . . ꒰ TEMPTING

Warnings: afab body and breasts, reader is referred to with you/your only. PIV unprotected sex, edging, prone bone position, thigh job, pwp (plot what plot). This is sort of a continuation of another smut i posted but you can read this without reading the first one.

Word count: 1.9k

A/N: uhg. lilia. i love him. i love general lilia. thats it that all i have to say.

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ♡ 🌷 . . KOFI | TWST MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS

Whenever a window of opportunity to rest presents itself, you’ll sit on the nearest tree stump or log available, idly watching what happens around you.

You see soldiers' training, sparring, fixing tents, and the general dividing tasks among his subordinates with a stern voice. Lilia’s an example of what being a leader means—not limiting himself to delegating labor, but also lending a hand.

He grabbed the handle of his lithic weapon as he sparred with one soldier; with practiced ease, Lilia unarmed the soldier. The general reprimanded the other fae for losing his footing over a basic movement.

Lilia plans tactics for ambushes furtively, aiming to attack the enemy’s weakness first. Deft and sharp.

Soon, you’d understand that the general isn’t used to docility of any kind. Neither giving nor receiving. A war general shouldn’t allow a margin of error, steps should be given with precision and intent on subduing your adversary.

You recalled your first intimate night with Lilia. You remembered the sensation of him holding back, and even then, he still did a number on your body. You’ve spent enough time with the fae to know that the moment you try to point out any attempt at tenderness on his part, he would deny it.

You couldn’t help but find it endearing. And your curiosity increased the more you wondered about to what extent you could tease him and make him lose his constraints. Lilia’s libido was pretty responsive to what you did or said, so it wouldn’t be difficult to push him in that direction.

The moment the soldiers were already in their tents, you sneaked into the general’s.

“I’m heading to the lake to wash off the dirt,” you said as you entered the tent. You found your fae writing something down on the map splayed across the table.

Lilia acknowledged you with a hum.

You sighed. “I don’t wanna go alone. The woods become frightening the moment there’s no more sunlight, you know.”

Lilia dropped the pencil and looked at you. “A little dirt on your body’s not going to kill you,” he teased.

“You know I can’t sleep like that. I sweated a lot today, too. Baur made me accompany that expedition group to the mountain’s skirt in the morning,” you complained. “I promise it won’t be long.”

You sensed that he was about to give up.

“And someone could sneak up on me and see me naked.”

That was enough argument for the fae to stand up from his chair and rush to tag along with you.

This was your favorite moment of the day, when you could not just finally go to bed but also freshen up with clean water. Even if the temperature might be a bit chilly during the night, the fresh water was welcomed to clean you up from the dirt and sweat that clinged to your skin.

“The water feels nice,” You hummed as you dipped your toes into it. Lilia was more concerned about making sure no one was near, though, his ears flicked at the slightest suspicious sound.

You began undressing in front of him, as you have done many times before. Even with your back turned towards him, you could feel his stare roaming around your flesh.

You carefully entered into the serene lake until the water covered your chest.

“Lilia,” You called out to him again. His gaze returned to you. “Why don’t you join? You look like you need this, too.”

“You said you wouldn’t take long. I still have work to finish.” He crossed his arms, gripping his lithic.

“Just this once,” You almost pouted. “You’ve been busy these past few days. I miss you already. I’ll even help you wash your back.”

You held Lilia’s stare before he, for the second time today, humored you. Soon, his clothes were untidily placed next to yours.

Beaming with joy, you hugged Lilia the instant he was within reach.

“General, your hair’s getting wet,” You hurried to help him fix his hairstyle in a way that the inconvenience would be resolved. “There. All done.”

Lilia grumbled about something meaningless as he allowed you to scrub his back, washing off both dirt and dried blood and uncovering new lacerations he had gained from recent ambushes. You traced them with your fingers, leaning closer to kiss those scars.

You couldn’t see Lilia’s expression, but you did sense his body’s temperature going up.

“Mm, you’re so warm,” You relished the warmth from the fae’s body. Your tits pressed flush against his back, and your hands roamed around his front—feather-like touches teasing his chest and abdomen. You were aware that your words and actions were leading in a certain direction, so before Lilia beat you to it and followed through with it, you pulled away from him. “It’s getting chilly, though. Let’s head back already.”

In the blink of an eye, Lilia gripped your wrist and pulled you towards his chest. Your backside making contact with something hard and hot, nudging in between your thighs.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Hm? I thought the general had work to finish,” You feigned innocence.

“That can wait. Right now, I need to have you.”

“But we’re in a lake! Someone could walk in on us. Let’s head back to the tent,” Ignoring the evident ache in your body, you did your best to deter him. For fun. To test how far you could make him wait. If not for your determination to uncover the fae’s strength, you would’ve conceded.

Under the promise, the general’s complaint had died for the moment.

Once in the tent, you were preparing to go to sleep, until a sudden force pinned you against the bed. A small squeak left you, and the familiar arms squeezing your waist made you understand that your little teasing reaped an interesting reaction from him.

“Lilia—” You tried to gain some balance by trying to prop your torso up with your hands, but the general immobilized you by further pinning your legs against the mattress with his.

“You little tease, you think I wouldn’t notice what you were trying to do?” He brushed away the hair covering your nape to nip at the sensitive skin there. “If you wanted me to rough your body up, you should’ve just asked for it,”

This was what you wanted, although you didn’t imagine it would be this soon. If this little teasing got you to this point, you couldn’t imagine how he would be if you had done more...

One hand slipped under your underwear while his other hand covered your mouth in time before a moan escaped you. With his index and middle fingers, he began rubbing your clit in circular motions.

“I’ve been treating you with so much leniency you’ve forgotten who you’re dealing with,” His breath against your ear made you shiver, and a renewed sense of pleasure overtook your body. “I’ll have to remind you,”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” You managed to whisper, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible but failing with how he played with your sex. Lilia really did know you inside out.

“You were already wet when I slid my hand under your clothes. Don’t try to act coy now,” He seemed to be amused, above all.

You clutched the sheets as you lost yourself in pleasure, your head falling against the pillow and using it to muffle your voice. You barely register Lilia pulling your pajama pants down and off your legs.

The fae grew eager, having a sliver of enough composure left to discard your underwear, but your uncoordinated and trembling body made the task more complicated than needed. Instead, he pushed it to the side, his fingers not once faltering in stimulating you.

A muffled whimper of his name. Not even a second later, Lilia stopped his movements.

“Noo, what’re you doing,” You protested, not expecting him to halt. “I was about to…”

“Aw, you were about to. What a pity,” He mocked you, momentarily freeing your body from his antsy hands to remove his own garments. Once done, you felt him spread your slicked pussy lips with his thumbs, eyeing you up with a satisfied, complacent grin. “You like being treated like this. You have no salvation, do you?”

Despite not being able to deny it, your face burned from embarrassment. Even if Lilia tended to put your pleasure first and holds back from going all out, the change in that tactful demeanor into a meaner one still excited you.

While holding you open still, he grinded his cock between your folds, using both his pre-cum and your arousal to lubricate it. You were growing impatient, and thus, tried to grind back against him to incite him into already giving in.

Lilia rested his weight against your back, his chest flush against it, weighing you down. Lilia dug his fingernails into your flesh, while demanding that you stay still. His fingers went back to playing with your clit, using your sticky inner thighs to pleasure himself.  

After what felt like forever, the tip prodded inside, taking his time to stuff you with more of his dick. He pulled back until the just head was in and thrust with more strength. The feeling of Lilia’s warm body embracing yours and his thickness stretching you almost made you forget about holding back your voice.

From the very moment you conceived the idea of teasing him, to Lilia not allowing you to touch yourself or him, the buildup to your orgasm approached faster than what you expected. As if both factors weren’t enough, you were still sensitive over the climax you were robbed of prior moments ago.

You mewled, trying to reach behind you and hold his hand to ground yourself.

Instead, the fae grabbed your arms and pinned them against your back, his pace not stuttering for even a minute.

This was what you wanted—for him to be rougher…and within a couple more smacks of his hips against yours, you came hard around him, broken moans of his name escaping from your bitten lips. Lilia quieted himself by kissing your shoulder the moment he released his cum inside.

Sore and spent, your head collapsed forward against the pillow again. You heard Lilia’s amused chuckle, resting next to you while keeping an arm wrapped around you.

“I wasn’t too rough, right?” He muttered after a while in silence, his eyes inspecting your body. “Does it hurt somewhere?”

“My arms, you gripped me too hard,” You mumbled. “I didn’t notice it at the moment because…it felt nice…”

At your confession, he looked taken back by it before his expression shifted into a relieved one and he chuckled. “I should’ve known you like being treated like that. You are quite keen about my fangs, and I’ve noticed how your body melts when I bite you,”

Before you could fawn over the coy visage that took over his eyes for a split second, it faded away with the same ease it appeared as he turned his head to the other side.

“I love it when you’re trying to be gentle, even if you’re not that great at it,” You teased, your fingers brushing his hair. Lilia grunted, suddenly grumpy about you pointing that out. “But I also enjoy it when you’re rough,”

He humphed, still avoiding facing you. You smiled at him, despite it not being visible to him. You closed your eyes, feeling exhaustion getting to you.

[whatswrongwithblue]

Artowrk by inuhalfdemon

Series Masterlist

Summary:

He took her face between his clawed hands and kissed her, hard and quick.

“So now that I have you back,” as he spoke, his voice crackled and lowered several octaves, and the room darkened as he allowed his power to slip out just enough to make reality around them go fuzzy. “I’m not letting you go.”

In the 1950's, Alastor met the woman he would eventually marry but unfortunately his Radio Demon persona went for her soul rather than her hand. He has to learn what it means to love, and cherish, without possessing and he does. Their relationship is beautiful, strong, unbreakable . . . but he carries a dark secret through their marriage for decades until eventually he has to face the consequences of that secret and leave her, without warning, for seven years. He returns, finding her at the Hazbin Hotel, and has to convince her to forgive him, while being literally bound to secrecy, unable to tell her any of things he now is desperate to explain to her.

(This is a duel timeline fic, timestamps will be a the top of every chapter.)

TW: canon typical violence, language, character behavior. recreational drug use. body image issues. references to self harm. OC has ptsd from sexual trauma and spousal abuse - not from Alastor! cannibalism. gun violence. slow burn. alastor is an ass and alastor is also soft. the smut will eventually include: p&v, fingering, oral - both receiving. biting, scratching, blood play. occasional shadow tentacle and sex toy usage. Anal play. Nun Alastor makes an appearance later on. Breeding kinks - both Alastor and OC deal with breeding cycles. Touch adverse Alastor. Ace-spectrum Alastor.

Also available on AO3 .

Chapter 1 - The Pilot: Alastor returns to Hell. Basically the events of the Pilot, but rewritten with Mina present.

Part 1

Chapter 2 - Reflections. The short story of Mina's life and death.

Chapter 3 - Overture. Events of Episode 1 as well as what happened during the Extermination the day before.

Part 2

Chapter 4 - Terminally Dispelled. Mina arrives in Hell.

Chapter 5 - Radio Killed the Video Star. Events of Episode 2. Alastor is a simping show-off but still not good at processing emotions.

Part 3

Chapter 6 - Little Sunshine. - Mina's POV from the end of last chapter.

Chapter 7 - Ashes in My Wake. - Alastor handle's being smitten really, really badly.

Chapter 8 - Scrambled Eggs. - Alastor finds out someone has hurt his wife.

Part 4

Chapter 9 - Wretched and Joyful. - "First time" smut

Chapter 10 - Masquerade. - Events of Episode 4. Angst ahead!

Chapter 11 - Stitches. - Angst & post-fight make-up smut

Part 5

Chapter 12 - Drunk on Life. - extra fluff & smut

Chapter 13 - Dad Beat Dad. - Events of Episode 5 w/ smut.

Part 6 - Alastor in rut smut but also lots of dark themes. Please mind the tags of these chapters.

Chapter 14 - Welcome to Heaven.

Chapter 15 - Tainted.

Chapter 16 - Possessed.

Chapter 17 - The Prophetess vs. The Nun.

Chapter 18 - Welcome (Back) to Heaven.

Part 7

Chapter 19 - A Fate that Befell Him. - proposal & wedding day

Chapter 20 - The Silence in Between. - honeymoon smut

Chapter 21 - Hello Abaddon. - recruitment for the hotel battle

Chapter 22 - House on Fire - smut rather than dealing with feelings.

Everything below is finished, only unpublished because I need to proof read!

Part 8

Chapter 23 - Don't Take That Sinner From Me. - the day alastor left

Chapter 24 - Just Pretend. - have some more angst. as a treat.

Chapter 25 - A Place to Put Your Pain. - surprise! more smut

Chapter 26 - The Show Must Go On. - the battle

Bonus Chapters

Chapter 1 - The Library - bonus smut

Chapter 2 - Poppin' Molly - Alastor on drugs, enough said

Chapter 3 - There's Children Screaming in the Streets - my dear friend @safination wrote a Sinner's POV of Chapter 23 and it's amazing!

[rekino2114]

Prosecutor girls when you get accused

A/n:sooooo this might have been sitting in my drafts for like 2 months and I needed something to post today because I'm still busy with tomorrow's drdt fic (I know but I swear it's gonna be worth it it's coming out great in my opinion and I can't wait for you to see it)

There are spoilers for Layton vs Wright in darklaw's part but only in my author's note

Lana skye

Lana was livid when she heard her partner was being accused. She had already gone through that herself, and she hated the experience. The idea of you suffering the same way she did filled her with dread.

She asked Phoenix to defend you like he did with her, and assured you that he was the best defense attorney she knew. She also tried to use her connection as ex chief prosecutor to get a prosecutor she knew wasn't corrupt to take your case.

While she might look calm and composed on the outside, she was genuinely so worried while watching your trial from the gallery. No matter how many times Ema tried, even she couldn't calm her sister down.

After you were found not guilty, she just hugged you and breathed a huge sigh of relief. She was incredibly happy your trial ended the same way hers did

"It's alright you're free now, I'm really happy for you........ I love you, I don't you to feel the same way I did"

Franziska von karma

If lana was livid, then Franziska was just furious. What kind of foolish fool would think her partner could commit a murder? She took your case without thinking twice and went to comfort you at the detention center assuring you that you would get freed

Her whip is gonna get one heck of a workout with how many people she'll use it on:gumshoe whenever he missed even the most minor piece of evidence,your lawyer whenever he did anything really,she thought they weren't doing a good enough job defending you (especially if it's Phoenix) and the judge whenever he referred to you as the killer.

This was basically the only time when she thought her win record didn't matter. It was already broken anyway, and her love's life was way more important, she would gladly lose a case if it meant you would be saved.

After the trial ended she went into the defendant's lobby and hugged you tightly and silently, it was probably the most emotion you had seen her, she was scared to lose you but now she had you again and she couldn't be happier.

"I'm happy those fools have finally understood the truth. You could never be a murderer, I love you my love"

Darklaw/eve belduke

(Let's say that both men and women can be witches in this au, and also the magic is real cause that plot twist is really really dumb and I hate it)

Darklaw was also angry when she heard you were being accused of being a witch but unlike the other two girls she was angry only at a specific person, the storyteller, the fact that he had the nerve to write a story where her lover was an accused made her even more pissed at him that she already was.

Normally, she'd get barnham to handle such cases, but since it was you, she obviously took it . Literally everyone was surprised to see the high inquisitor herself taking a seemingly normal case like this.

She seemed as ruthless as usual against Phoenix but you could see how her heart ached with every argument she presented as the possibility of you being found guilty and thrown into the flames grew and grew.

Luckily, you were found not guilty, darklaw went to you after the celebrations were over congratulated you and apologized for taking your case, you understood why she did, then you kissed and she carried you back to your house (she insisted)

"I always knew you weren't a witch dear, I simply took your case to make sure you would be found not guilty, I hope you understand, I'll never leave you and I hope you feel the same"

[lains-reality]

nondualism and "manifestation"

okay so there was an anon question abt manifesting. i'll answer with this post. i barely proof read this so tell me if theres an error. if you need more (you don't) then there are relevent links at the end.

anon: Ima here with a question :) Suppose I'm manifesting my desired clothes , so I just be aware/know that I already have them in my closet ? And Whenever I think that nope it's not true they aren't there …I JUST USE MY IMAGINATION, SEE A PICTURE OF THOSE CLOTHES AND AGAIN BECOME AWARE OF THE FACT THAT I HAVE THEM ? Basically when I found myself thinking about them I just shift my awareness to that I have them ! is this all I have to do ? And what if I feel euphoric 🤧 knowing that I already those clothes in my closet ? Is it oky ig it should be bc feeling has nothing to do with it !? RIGHT ?

I'll ask these questions first: do you want the desire or to be free? could you let go of trying to get happiness from this item and sit in the happiness you are?

you don't use your imagination. you ARE imagination. you're living in your imagination.

you don't have to identify with those thoughts telling you, you don't have the clothes

you've asked this question to another blogger, so you're spamming, searching for an answer? not gonna get you anywhere .. also have u even read my posts?

are you the person that sent this? nondualism IS NOT A METHOD

first of all, i want to you to remove every information, believing that it's real, your brain, spiraling, wavering, blockages, the universe giving you what you want, someone outside of you, the 3d, the 4d, behind the scenes, the 3d mirroring you, saturating your brain, etc ... [choroukgod]

there's no manifesting.

you are not the manifestor. you are not the doer. i mean it as the character, anon, doesn't do anything. Self does. Self can also be called awareness or consciousness. for Self, all exists. its like a comb, there's the handle and then all the teeth. Self is the handle, you anon, are one of the teeth. you are Self imagining being a human with desires.

i'll give you a snippet of a draft post i made:

"they wanted to be the doer. the character doesn't do. it's not You, it's just a habit. when you know you are Self, then everything is harmonious and effortless. the Self does, it is under all the imaginary character - if the character isn't real, then it doesn't do, the Self does."

since you are Self, this means you are beyond time and space, body and mind. they're not real. only the character/mind thinks its real, it'll chat forever about how you need to do this and that.

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it's a collection of thoughts, feelings and memories that you've collected and turned into a habit. it's a habit to go back to the memories as a reference point. its a habit to identify with thoughts that come into your awareness. when you stop the habit and don't identify as the character, it goes away.

abt the body: well when you dream, you might still think. you feel the body and all, all the sensations. it feels real enough. then you wake up. you didn't take the physical body into the dream did you? you just felt the sensation of having one. doesn't this mean it's a bunch of sensations, just like a thought in the mind is?

also the mind can affect the body (e.g. nervous feeling -> sweaty palms). the thought or feeling rising into awareness, the mind takes note and ownership "i'm nervous, my hands are sweaty", affecting the body. if the unreal mind can affect something, then is that thing also not unreal?

(try to observe the thoughts or feelings next time without attaching a story to it or resisting it. see whether it goes away quicker. being able to accept the present moment is essential for this)

extra note - you as Self is also imagining the concepts of manifesting and shifting (and all the concepts related e.g. states, 3d, persisting etc).

thinking they the reason why you can get what you want IS FALSE. THOSE ARE YOUR OWN CREATIONS, ARE YOU GOING TO CREATE SOMETHING OUT OF YOUR OWN CREATIONS? [choroukgod]

What is there to be saved from except illusions? And what are all illusions except false ideas about myself? My holiness undoes them all by asserting the truth about me. - acim workbook

so, you know now the reality of who you are and not to identify with the imaginary, lets talk about the desire.

desires are born out of not knowing who you are. if you think you're the body-mind then several hundred concepts are needed to be taken into account to just live.

another snippet

"all these memories, feelings, thoughts and subsequent stories create desires and fears. the mind will try and protect itself and plan for stuff, but it can't. because it's so limited in knowledge & power."

the character wants the desire because of the story it has, the feeling. usually of happiness, love, joy. what you don't know is that that's your standard way of being. so you search everywhere.

the characters main motivation is to find the truth and happiness, underneath the searching is the belief 'i am not okay' or 'i am not enough', which leads to several needs & fears but importantly, need of control, especially of the future. it refuses to sit in the present moment.

desire is completely fine actually, its the attachments to it that make it hurtful. when you don't understand that desire is just another passing sensation, you, as the character, think you NEED it and will not stop until you get it, or you suffer.

you think that theres a world to control. you think that its outside of you. you think that there is a physical world. you're missing the most important info of all: all is Self. all is consciousness. all is awareness. whatever you wanna say. all is you, theres nothing to manipulate now. theres nothing to force now. its all unreal. you as Self, are imagining to be a human with desires that now has to change stuff that they think is real! how exhusting! you don't even need to change yourSelf, Self is perfect!

there's nothing to do.

Self is all. Self is whole. Self is perfect. Self is who you actually are.

there's no transition to Self. you already are that. it's letting go of all the concepts of limitations that is a transition. - i don't remember who said this, maybe lester levenson?

manifesting is not the point. the point is to be free! it's to recognise your true self! not just to feel better or okay .. to BE freedom, to BE peace, love etc. do you want to keep going into imagination to fufilll yourself all the time? you don't have to if you understand that you are fulfillment, you are whole already.

the "world" changing can't sway you because you are complete as you are, when you manifest with the intention to fulfil the desire so you 'physically' get it - you're only gonna feel full when you get the thing .. and then it goes. things cannot fulfil you. what would happen if the clothes get shredded by a dog? your happiness goes. why? why would you place your happiness on a thing that is FINITE?

being in the present moment is best. its literally the only way you live. you can't see into the past or future, there is only now.

The best place to grow is right where you are. The best time is now.

when you're worrying abt the future, you're thinking more. when you're worrying abt the past, more thoughts. in the present moment, you slow down and see what is in front of you now.

when you get caught up in the mind, you can stop yourself halfway (or even after it happens) and go "oh the mind was doing ...", then you start to pick up how much your mind wanders back or forwards. you start to pick up how limiting the thoughts are when you remind yourself that you are not the body or mind. with the understanding that the mind is imaginary -> no need to listen or identify with what's happening. it just is. feelings or emotions that come up into awareness cannot do anything. you are never disconnected from Self.

'oh i want to go [x] but i have to buy a plane ticket and get this and that...' -> if you are not the body-mind you don't have to worry about physically travelling anywhere, you are beyond time and space naturally. you don't have to prepare anything either, the mind wants to plan, but Self is harmonious and all, so whatever you 'need' will come to you. lester actually did this once.

"With full confidence that “everything is A-okay and taken care of,” I packed a bag and walked out of the house."

when you catch yourself in the moment: release and disidentify. you can just disidentify with it immediatly if you want to.

to release a belief or emotion (probs also desires) (sedona method):

welcome the feeling.  it doesn’t have to be strong. it is what it is. ask yourself: Could I let it go? Would I let it go? When? then, remembering that you are not the body-mind, answer. deep breath in and out, let relief come if you feel it. read the link for more.

when you ask yourself, “Could I let this feeling go?”,  remind yourself that you can let any emotion go, like dropping an object. when you ask yourself, “Would you let the feeling go?”, consider whether you would you rather hold on to pain, stress, and suffering, or, would you rather be free? when you ask yourself, “When?”, what you’re doing is creating an invitation to do it now

it can take some courage depending on the emotion, the character'll want to run away. but sit in the present moment and observe the feelings. ignoring and suppresing is not healthy. the focus is to keep releasing the feeling when it comes up. you can also coax the feelings up yourself.

to disidentify: well, just don't identify with it. just go "oh that's a thought". maybe remember your Self. maybe say 'on this path i constantly give up trouble' and move on. a simple knowing that that is not You, is enough.

surrender. i used to be scared of surrender bcs i thought it'd mean i have to let go of control and i'd get nothing! or just the same thing or worse! i was scared, i as the character was in full force. then some days past and i calm down (and lowkey give up), then i get some experience where it feels like i'm saying 'yes you ARE your true Self, its natural!!' to myself. something happens w/ 0 effort and i'm never suprised tbh (i used to be), it only grows my faith in mySelf. i promise you when you go 'f it idk whats gonna happen, it'll be fine' it'll be okay. but first you need to understand who you are. you trust your Self and just release the stories that tell you you aren't, that you are stuck, that you haven't got it, that you aren't fulfilled etc.

let me rephrase that bcs ppl saying "just believe!" used to piss me off: surrender it all. just stop. on this path you constantly give up trouble. you give up entertaining thoughts that make you feel bad. stop getting annoyed at yourself. stop beating yourself up. stop trying. just let yourself relax. if you want to do something, do it so you can feel better rather than to fix, manipulate, control etc.

all this arguing takes effort. it takes energy to not surrender. its hard to be something you are not. all the effort is being put into being an ego or to resist being it. you're squashing god into a small box and going 'why won't i fit?!' - lester levenson (modified)

Self is perfection, you are not surrendering to get worse, you are surrendering to perfection. Absolute Perfection. your mind only knows like 20 years (less or more!) of experience, in only one way of being. to your Self, there is all.

if theres anything to "do" its recognising stories of limitation and releasing/disidentifying as them.

(although surrendering is put last here. it is actually the first step. it might even be the only step)

self inquiry pointers (do not skip)

could i let go of wanting to get happiness from [insert item] and allow myself to rest as the happiness i am? can i turn [desire] into a desire for freedom? would i rather have the desire or would i rather be free? am i longing for the desire or to get out of pain? can i let go of wanting to change this and let it be as it is? could i let go of [belief]? would i rather believe in [the belief] or know the truth? would i rather believe in [the belief] or be the truth? am i arguing for my limitations?

more

letting go of ego | haven't read yet, but the skim looked good.

detachment | edwardart

what is the main difference between the now and old? | nisargadatta

go all the way, not just tolerate and endure | lester levenson

the true you | 4dbarbie

self surrender | edwardart

things come to die | heavenlythea (use of the word 3d, but still great post)

manifesting is struggling, life is effortless | 4dbarbie

how did i get something random? | 4dbarbie

attachments | 4dbarbie

some pics to read

after thoughts

i talk abt a method after my you don't need a method post lol, but that method is actually completely for the mind, says it upront and isn't just used for manifesting. in the end you'll stop using this too

could this be a guide to recognising your greatness? maybe?

let go of the insane amounts of responsibility, pressure, and personal attachment you've put on yourself.

[rvb-canon-grimmons]

RVB RESTORATION THOUGHTS!!!!

LONG POST IM SO SORRY I HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS

(Im so sorry this got so long, but i got emotional while writing it so please bear with me, read this like its the morning paper while u eat breakfast or something i have alot to say)

Before I go into the things I didn't like I do want to focus on some positives.

-Like I said in an earlier post, Geoff's acting…he absolutely killed it, and maybe this is because I'm a little bit Geoff/Grif biased but he was giving so much emotion and everyone else felt a little bit flat. Also only he could have delivered the "Come with me" line with so much Homoeroticism -I Had a pretty fun time watching the fight in the second half, The references to Monty we're sweet and getting to see Tex and Carolina fight together was pretty epic! -A good handful of jokes got me good. "23rd in my class" Shelia translating Caboose's Spanish to Lopez

Ok……. the next bit of this will get a little bit negative, but I do want to say this is coming from a place of deep love and care for this series. I have run this blog for like 6/7 years now and I've been a fan of this show for double that. My biggest fear is that fans get the same treatment we did when no one liked RVBZero. I have criticisms. This is a 21 year old series that so many people have had a part in and so many have loved. I was not looking for perfection, I wasn't even looking for something good. I was looking for an ending to the stories of characters people have held in their hearts for 21 years. Unfortunately, what I feel we were left with was a hastily thrown together hour of basically nothing.

-Why weren't they friends…..Why weren't they friends…No one cared for the others. I understand that we have semi warped perceptions of the characters from fanon works and things of that nature. But even in canon, the reds and blue care about each other. On their own team and the other team. Simmons, Grif, Tucker, and Caboose spent MONTHS together in chorus and same for Donut/Sarge/Wash. I've recently rewatched blood gulch and Caboose and Sarge have a great dynamic! Tucker and Grif canonically get along pretty well. Simmons was ON BLUE TEAM for like a hot minute there. THEY KNOW EACH OTHER AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. This was zero percent present in this film. No one had any motivation to look for Tucker. No one cared that it was Tuckers body inside the suit. THE REDS LEFT CABOOSE FOR DEAD!!!!!! THEY JUST LEFT HIM!!!!

-Tucker, I'm so sorry baby girl, this was supposed to be your arc, your moment. You were hardly in it. No build up to how he became the Meta. The scene where he breaks out of it to not kill caboose was the best part of the arc. And he just wakes up and remembers it "like someone elses Nightmare??" ok sure

-Wash………………WHAT THE FUCK???? WHAT THE FUCK???????????????? WHAT THE FUCK??????? WHAT THE FUCK???? TO RUIN THIS MANS ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC BY MAKING HIM COMPLETELY OBSOLETE. PUTTING HIM IN SOME RANDOM HOSPITAL FOR AN UNKNOWN INJURY THAT HAPPENS OFF SCREEN AND ISN'T EXPLAINED. HAVE HIM HALUCINATING DOC FOR SOME FUCKING REASON. HAVE HIM SHOW UP TO THE FINAL BATTLE AND DO ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING BUT JUMP OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND NOT SAY A WORD TO ANY OF THE RED AND BLUES I AM LIERALLY ABOUT TO FUCKING CRY TYPING THIS I AM LITERALLY SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. AGENT WASHINGTON, THE CHARACTER THAT WAS SO HAPPY IN THE SEASON RIGHT BEFORE CHORUS JUST TO BE ON BLUE TEAM AND HAVE A FUCKING FAMILY AGAIN. JUST SIDELINE HIM FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THEN NOT LET HIM SPEAK TO ANY OF HIS FRIENDS EXCEPT CAROLINA AND DEAD DOC. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT TUCKER BEING THE META WAS LITERALLY A PLOT POINT CATERED TO HAVE WASH BE INVOLVED. THIS IS LIKE AGENT WASHINGTON ANGST BAIT 101. YES IM A TUCKINGTON SHIPPER BUT PUT ALL SHIPPING ASIDE, THEY WERE STILL FRIENDS, THEY WERE FRIENDS THEY WERE FRIENDS.

Grimmons. I am disappointed. But really not surprised. Honestly for everything I disliked I thought Grimmons was handled ok… at this point im like….. they couldn't even throw us a bone. company was dying, final season airing, and they couldn't even throw us a solid Grimmons queerbait joke. Its whatever….I don't wanna get too upset about shipping because at the end of the day, ships becoming canon isn't what shipping is all about (says Tumblr user "RVB-Canon-Grimmons) you get what im saying.

-Donut…..where was he…..Fucking Homophobic honestly

-DOC IS DEAD?????????????????????????????? FUCKING WHY???

-Sarge's death was fine, I'm not upset by it I just didn't feel like it was emotionally satisfying. Especially after the shock of them leaving Caboose and the much better scene of tucker fighting the meta's control over him to not hurt caboose.

-PEOPLE CALLED U SIR ALL THROUGHOUT CHORUS SIMMONS WHAT THE FUCK??????????? WHY IS SIMMONS PROMOTED AND INCHARGE OF NO ONE???? WHY DID GRIF LEAVE HIM???

Im sorry………..this is so long………just remeber this is only my opinions and if u don't agree thats totally ok!!!!! I am just a critical bitch….

[anadrym]

Extended Author's Notes for Left Behind Ch7.

Spoilers!

Chapter title is from "Ashes and Blood" from the Arcane S2 soundtrack.

I have this idea that Renata had the basement renovated to make it more maze-like. She's a very gifted and skilled chemist, and most of her work is done downstairs. On the off-chance that someone gets in, she'd want it to be difficult to navigate down where so much of her most valuable and secretive research is kept.

One of the doctors asks about sedating Vi because of how much she's panicking, but one of the others basically says, "No, that's what the restraints are for."

The liquid they're injecting isn't warmed to body temperature. That's part of why Vi's so cold and on the verge of going full-on into shock after each Maintenance session.

I talked with one of my friends and we came to the conclusion that Vi thinks of Maintenance as an event that has a name, so it's capitalized for her. No one else thinks of it like that, so it's not a proper noun for anyone else.

Yeah, once they're done, they just unhook her from the machine and undo the restraints and just leave. Once she regains enough strength, Vi has to get herself up and dressed, and then she curls up in the far corner. :(

God, Tobias' ring is doing so fucking much. At this point, Vi has basically tied her consciousness and memories to the pain she causes by digging it into her finger. And she can trigger it without even knowing what she's doing, which is good because she isn't really present enough to do it on purpose.

The memories refer, in order, to: Tobias' death, the Firelights' boards, Powder/Jinx's drawings, Caitlyn's eyes, and Vi being shot on the night of the Purge.

I was editing some future chapters when I realized that I had a huge plot hole. So the mend is this: Caitlyn is allowed to have her weapons while locked in her rooms. If she is allowed to have them outside of her rooms, they are brought to her. This also helps with the sense of unease - she knows that people are accessing her only "private" space.

There are no guards posted outside of Caitlyn's door, but there is one at either end of the hallway. She is not being listened to, but there are people around in case she tries anything. The door also locks from both sides, which does protect her against anyone coming in.

I like the imagery I've got going with the blood-red jam. I don't really have an exact metaphor or anything, but I like the imagery.

"I want you to be recognizable, darling." As Ghost, right? As Ghost?

Just in case anyone wants to keep track, since she left Petra's, Caitlyn has eaten one (1) bite of croissant.

The paragraph about "readjusting" vs. "succumbing" is one of my favorites in this chapter. I also really like the sentence "Even if this poor, frantic creature in front of her really is just a mindless animal... she looks like Vi, terrified and sick and in pain." God, I love whump.

The administration of nutrients via IV has two purposes: 1. It's incredibly dehumanizing, they really do treat her like a thing; and 2. It eliminates (in this case) the need for a sink and toilet in Vi's cell. It also explains why Vi only ever vomits bile and blood; there's nothing else to come up.

There's something about a character's eyes rolling back that just gets to me. The idea of being too incapacitated to even control your eyes? *Chef's Kiss*

Caitlyn swears when she's really upset. "Shit" is for bad things. "Fuck" is for very bad things.

Okay, it's subtle, but I want to point out that Renata handles her teacup/plate/silverware very carefully for the entire scene, except for when she's about to torment Vi. She is fully capable of being gentle, she just doesn't want to be.

I don't know what it is, man, but I can't seem to stop focusing on Vi's legs not being able to support her. It just keeps coming up. In this case, the Baroness purposefully pulls her up to where her knees can't quite reach the floor, just to put more of her weight on her head and neck.

Some of you definitely see where I'm going with the reference to Blood and Bone. >:)

OKAY, I didn't mean to do this, but !!! "Make an example of a few to keep the thousands in check." THAT'S WHAT SHE'S DOING WITH CAITLYN AND VI !!!

I think y'all are gonna kill Renata before I do. ;)

Teaser for next week:

Her master does not go out in front of a crowd like this without reason, without some brutal purpose. And to bring the girl, burdened with the weapons they force her to kill with? This is a display, a show of power and the violence needed to keep it. The crowd is here to witness - not entertained but terrorized into submission.

Has it already been a year?

Has it only been a year?

[mrghostrat]

I remember you posting a blurred gif of the outline of atws, so if you don't mind me asking, how do you do that? Like, get the outline onto paper and not just scenes in your head. That's something I've always struggled with, because it's hard to write without an outline, but hard to do the outline when I don't have a first draft? I'm not sure how to explain it so I hope this makes any sense at all lmao

ahh so fair! some people just don't operate that way and you gotta do what's best for your brain. no point exhausting all your energy trying to squeeze into a "standard writing process" that'll make writing even more difficult for yourself.

under the cut, i'm going to explain my writing process every step of the way, using scenes of ATWS. i hope it helps in some way? i don't think it's anything special, but this is just how i write to appease my adhd.

first, this might help: i once used storyplanner.com when i didn't know how to even start a story and i loved it. it's a great tool that can hold your hand every step of the way, or just prompt you to think on your own. there's over 20 planners that ask different questions like "what's your character's major flaw?" "what's the inciting incident?" "what outside elements hinder the character?" etc that will present you with a complete story structure when you're done with it.

ok, now, how i write:

as for the post in reference, that's the 2nd stage of my writing process. i get carried away with tangents and hone in on details, so i plan in dot points to try and force myself to keep it simple and stay zoomed out.

i just write what happens in chronological order, and if i have an idea for a later scene (or something that i just want to happen, but don't know when/where/how), i note that in a separate document that i can refer to while i plan. this also allows me to gloss over vague sections to keep my writing flow going.

stage 1:

i've started using Notion's "toggle list" feature to minimise the less important parts of a scene and keep myself focused on the overarching plot during this stage. this is what the first point looks like:

i go beat by beat, essentially amounting to an elevator pitch for each stage of my story. "crowley and aziraphale are streamer roommates" + "people start to notice they each live with someone and the speculation starts" + "crowley and aziraphale interact on twitch" + "they attend the edinburgh meetup" etc.

i finish a story before i move on from this stage. i won't start writing something in earnest until i know how it ends.

stage 2:

this is what you saw in my gif, and why that page was so long. that's every scene i'm going to write in the story.

sometimes i jump straight from stage 1 to writing, but ATWS required a lot more figuring out before i started any kind of prose. here i'm basically noting down the details of what each scene is, the brunt of what's happening. this is when i have to figure out those "vague sections" i glossed over earlier.

it's still just intended to be a rough outline so i know where the characters are and what's moving their relationship along. most of these dot points are short because i've already thought about them a thousand times, and may have more details noted down in a different document.

meanwhile some of them i'm planning out the scene as i'm dotting it, making not of dialogue that i want to include.

stage 3: my bracket method

i only use this stage when i'm struggling to write and need to baby step into it. this is my "bracket method" in which i write the scene without, like... caring? some people may consider this "double handling" which may drive you mad, but it's the most helpful thing i've ever done for my process.

i switch tenses, i write how i chat (no capitals etc) and just word vomit the scene without focusing on prose. ATWS came quite easily at first, and i didn't need to use stage 3 until i got to chapter 4 and hadn't written in a few days.

stage 4:

this is writing the actual prose, but i wanted to include it so you can see the differences, to help better understand my notes/planning/outlining stages:

and this is what a scene looks like with stage three bridging the gap:

[brookstolemybrand]

I already talked about Sabo being kind of a parallel protagonist to Luffy, but Koby is in some ways maybe even more so (especially since he was introduced literally in chapter 2)

Sabo is Luffy's dad's protégé

Koby is Luffy's grandpa's protégé

(Sidenote: Luffy kinda took Ace's place as Shanks' and Rayleigh's protégé, arguably; I mean it would have made a lot of sense for former Roger pirates to act as mentor figures for Roger's son, wouldn't it? In a different story that put more importance to bloodlines, Ace would have been destined to be the next King of the Pirates for sure. Ace is kind of a decoy protagonist)

With Koby it's even more obvious when you look at the known SWORD members and how many of them have some kind of legacy position, or at least we can assume so even if we don't know for certain (like with Hibari suspiciously sharing Akainu's dialect). In theory, Garp's grandson would fit into SWORD perfectly.

And of course Garp very much intended this to be Luffy. It's not even subtle that Koby is the replacement grandson lmao

(Say what you want about Dragon's (lack of) parenting, he definitely didn't put any pressure on Luffy. So with Sabo it's not really the same, it's not like Luffy refused to follow in his father's footsteps; he didn't even know he had a father, much less what those footsteps were. But the parallels are still there)

But yeah, I think their personal connections to Luffy, as well as the way they're set up in positions that Luffy plausibly might have had in some alternate timelines, makes them Luffy's counterparts in the Navy and in the Revolutionary Army. Which allows them to function as pseudo-protagonists for the audience when Luffy isn't present and to take on plotlines that would otherwise feel like they should be handled by the main characters (like taking on the Blackbeard Pirates and the Celestial Dragons respectively)

Narratively speaking, as the plot gets bigger, you kinda need these secondary protagonists to carry the parts of the story that Luffy can't be there for

The three of them also represent different shounen protagonist archetypes:

I kinda struggled to phrase this myself (and honestly I just have a very limited reference pool for shounen anime) so I googled it and I'm stealing the terms from this post

Basically Luffy is the "Idiot Hero", Koby is the "Boy Wonder" and Sabo... well actually I think Ace is the "Punk Martyr" (he took the martyr part a bit too seriously rip), and Sabo is the secret fourth thing: the Cool Competent Guy (even though Sabo is also a punk, he just hides it better)

Luffy is a Goku, Koby is a Deku, and Sabo is... idk I guess he would be a Lelouch (look, I'm talking about character TYPES, not saying they're the same kind of person)

... Well actually Sabo is more of an Enjolras, but Les Mis is not a shounen manga—

SIKE, IT IS, I'M COUNTING IT

(That's a really good adaptation of Les Mis btw, I could gush endlessly about Takahiro Arai and how well he understood not only the core of the story but also how to adapt it into a visual medium, really leaning into the vivid metaphorical imagery in Hugo's narration and then adding to it his own, it's SO GOOD)

(To immediately nitpick myself: Sabo is more like an amalgamation of all the Amis de l'ABC but it's easier to say Enjolras for short. Also yes I know Enjolras isn't the protagonist, but he has protagonist energy)

Anyway... what was I saying?

Right, I was gonna talk about the hero thing, because heroism is actually a big theme in One Piece:

Luffy doesn't want to be a hero, BUT KOBY DOES. He might be sheepish about calling himself one, but it was his dream, and by all conventional standards he accomplished it: he's now a Navy Hero

Sabo is more of a reluctant hero; he wanted to be a pirate like Luffy but chose to become a revolutionary instead. He's fully committed to that role though, even willing to accept the title of regicide if it helps the cause (this btw also makes him similar to another character in Les Mis, the Conventionist who... okay fine I'll stop)

As a marine and a revolutionary, Koby and Sabo are on the opposite sides of the whole "hero" thing. Although well, neither of them are extremists so at the same time they're not that opposite either, more like just each others' counterparts on opposing sides, but still

It makes sense that Koby, whose ambition was to become a hero, would gravitate to the conventional and widely accepted form of heroism: military heroism. Meanwhile Sabo, the reluctant hero, was driven to become one exactly because those socially accepted forms of heroism in reality exist to maintain an unjust system and there need to be people who step up to oppose that system, it's heroism out of necessity

You could also say that Koby becomes a part of the system because he wants to be a hero, Sabo becomes a hero because he wants to escape the system...

(Sidenote: I actually have a hunch that Dragon is probably more like Koby in terms of personality and ambitions, he's just a Koby who became disillusioned after learning the truth about the navy. That's the vibe I get anyway)

Either way, both of them are a good contrast to Luffy, who insists that he's not a hero and who chooses to just follow his selfish whims, which is why he's the pirate, he picks the least "heroic" career option. And that's why he's the protagonist, because this is a pirate manga

That said, as it turns out, his selfish whims are pretty heroic anyway, and he ends up being the one who has the most freedom to do exactly what needs to be done, BECAUSE he's not a hero

(Is that extremely dangerous? Sure. Could it end really badly? Yes. But Luffy isn't supposed to be a role model, he's literally a pirate)

But it still helps the narrative to also have heroic characters who aren't only motivated to help people who give them food lol

(I kid, but ykwim)

It helps that there are heroes even if the protagonist isn't one, because otherwise the audience might start wanting the protagonist to become the hero

And then it wouldn't be a pirate adventure story anymore, it would become a hero narrative

....

.... I know I should end the post here but you have no idea how much I'm holding back a rant rn about the marines and how much they suck and why I find Koby so frustrating as a character... That's another post tho

[orbitposting]

Hello, I was wondering if u could tell me more about the DID youtube stuff and the stuff with DissociaDID, I don't know a lick of any of that, I've only rlly watched The Entropy System, The Rings System and some of DissociaDID's educational videos fairly recently (still new to the online OSDDID community in general), all I've heard is that DissociaDID is anti-endo?

(I use DissociaDID to refer to the system as a whole. They don't have another updated system name that I am aware of.)

Hi, two people brought up something like this in my inbox, and it's worth clarifying. My point was unclear, and I'll do my best to clarify now. In my eyes, DissociaDID has come under a lot of scrunity for concerns that are valid but overblown, standards that others are not held to, ableism/fakeclaiming, and sometimes claims that are bordering on conspiracy. Unfortunately, I was pretty up-to-date on the situation, so I'll make an outline of things people were upset about.

Outdated

- Using racial terms to describe a darker-skinned alter, Nadia, when the body is white. Of my knowledge, this has not happened since. (I am white, so I can't police if you forgive them or not. This is just context.)

- Engagement with Team Piñata*. They're no longer together. End of.

- Overstating their qualifications. DissociaDID no longer states any qualifications other than being a system that does research, basically. Before, it sounded almost like they were claiming to be a mental health professional.

- They partnered with BetterHelp** at one point. They never gave a statement, but they haven't promoted it since.

Disproven/Clarified

- DissociaDID has used *very* outdated studies to support points in their older videos. This is frowned upon in scientific research, where sources become less accurate very quickly (Rule of thumb is use studies no greater than 20 years old). DissociaDID has previously referenced a study from 1902, at worst.

- Many criticise DissociaDID for coming back to YouTube just when their monetization is about to run out.

- Can handle criticism very poorly at times, which people took an issue with, especially when they were proporting themselves as mental health experts.

- Brought a flood of people to the DID community, negative attention included. Many DID YouTubers stopped posting due to the negative attention the DID community received. DissociaDID did not personally cause this, as far as I can tell.

- Diagnosis at Pottergate Center: Even if that diagnosis wasn't valid, they were also diagnosed through the NHS. (Diagnosis is sometimes referred to in ways other than pencil-and-paper diagnosis, too.)

Not sure, but hasn't come up

- Treatment of various friends in the DID community such as Bobo & Co.

General dislike (Up to you)

- Many say they are "sensationalizing" DID, due to their florid presentation (This may also be paired with fakeclaiming)

- Mara's TikTok has come under fire for posting more suggestive content. Soren stands by her right to do so, and checks it before it is posted.

Borderline conspiracy and fakeclaiming

- One system member interacted with a minor on a livestream in a somewhat suggestive manner. (Their account says minors DNI, but people argue they should have been more mindful.)

- Many people get an odd vibe from their content, since it is so polished, and argue that it doesn't reflect the reality of DID since it's so pristine.

- Some find it very odd that they advertise their Patreon with having BTS footage of them dissociating/switching.

- Some people allege DissociaDID made up her alters after reading a certain book regarding programming. Some roles/alter names/inner world details lined up.

*Team Piñata was exposed for drawing minors in inappropriate situations and possibly doing commissions of this content.

- Since DissociaDID has previously mentioned RAMCOA (or a similar term), people who believe that that phrasing is antisemitic, conspiritorial, and/or completely fake don't believe that she is a valid source of DID information

- DissociaDID has been accused of copying their trauma from other systems. The foundation of this theory rests on them malingering DID.

- (Outdated also) People used to theorize Team Piñata and DissociaDID never broke up. It has been a long time since then, and DissociaDID doesn't even mention them by name anymore.

- DissociaDID has been fighting a court battle since 2020 or so and has linked to their CrowdJustice page for a while. People theorized that they were taking the money for themselves instead. DissociaDID has stated that the funds go directly to lawyers and never enter their hands.

**BetterHelp has been criticized for its lack of quality control, especially surrounding uncertified "therapists" to conduct therapy through their service and the unprofessional behavior of therapists using the service.

So that's what I can recall at the moment. Five of the issues are up to personal opinion. Personally, I think DissociaDID has had problems but has a magnifying glass on their behavior for years. If you don't like them, please just leave them alone.

[belmottetower]

ur post about jamie’s loan has me thinking soooo many thoughts but the main thing im confused about is this: how was jamie able to get on the starting line-up so quickly after returning from his loan to richmond? city obviously hadn’t originally intended to recall jamie for a while as of 106 — jamie’s loan being pulled and him actually being sent back is presented like a surprising piece of information for everyone in the team, and i just can’t interpret that as “his contract was expiring soon, he just went back a week earlier than normal”. it felt like ted (at the very least) was setting up jamie to stay for a while after that, both strategically and socially. so, if he had spent much less time in richmond than intended (and thus probably developed a lot less than intended), how did he manage to start in richmond’s relegation match? it could have been city trying to give him more minutes against a lower ranked team, but then why would they start him AND let him play the whole game even after it was tied 1-1 if he’s not a consistent part of the starting line up? im a silly little american who knows nothing about european football, but it just doesn’t make sense how jamie could go from “we’re going to give you so few minutes that we basically have to loan u out or else you’re just wasting time” to “you’re going to be on the starting line up/close to it” so quickly once returning to city? was it just him learning to be a team player or is the show just getting fuzzy w the details? (also that was so long im sorry this is just a Very Specific Question and im trying to get it across properly)

This is referring to things from my earlier loan ask, so linking that here.

First of all, I am sure that Jamie's loan was meant to go until the end of the season. However, a loan can be terminated at any point during the season if both parties agree to it. So in this case, City saw he wasn't playing every possible minute with Richmond and they said to Richmond, "if you aren't going to play him, we want him back. We'd rather be the ones training and not using him if YOU'RE not going to use him." They were the ones that instigated the recall of Jamie, Rebecca just simply had to agree to it on behalf of Richmond and Jamie goes home. (Let's not worry about the fact that his agent would have been involved in this process because 2 seconds of digging in that direction makes the plot fall apart.)

But Jamie had been playing for Richmond for almost a full season at this point, from the summer of 2019 to what has to be around the February of 2020. He was there for over nine months of the season, and he went back to City when they only had a couple of months left.

In 1.08, when he visits Keeley, it's late March and he tells her that City were in town playing West Ham. He says "I had ten touches, I had two completed dribbles, and in the 89th minute they let me take a free kick." This implies to me that he was being brought on as a substitute at that point. Because ten touches, for a forward, is not very many during a full 90 minutes. And then the "They let me" in terms of taking a free kick sounds to me like he's still very much not a major power player, more like he's been given a chance, like "give the kid a turn, see how he handles it."

But it still feels to me like City valued Jamie as a player, and when they got him back after around nine months of a loan, they decided to give him a few more chances and see what he could do. And if he's succeeding for them in games as a sub, it's more likely that he will start the next match.

And the thing about the Richmond relegation match is that it's implied City had already secured the Premier League title, weeks before. They are not awarded the trophy at the end of the match. They're not celebrating having won the League. There's no commentary from Arlo and Chris about how City need this to secure the title, unlike they way they explain it in 3.11 and 3.12. So Ted's dressing room speech about giving the champs 90 minutes of hell implies to me that City were ALREADY the league champions, that they'd won it a little earlier in the season. Hopefully it's clear to everyone by now that with a league table, this is pretty common, if someone gets enough points that it is mathematically impossible for other teams to catch up. 

In real life, this year City won the league with three matches left to play. And in this circumstance, once the thing is already won, Pep will shake up the starting line ups quite dramatically and give different players the chance to play. For example, Cole Palmer, who I mentioned in the other post? He started for City in their matches against Chelsea and Brentford at the end of the season, AFTER City had already secured the title, when there were no consequences to City winning or losing. They won against Chelsea and Palmer got an assist on the winning goal, and they actually lost to Brentford in the final match of the season but it didn't matter. Pep uses a high rotation anyway - City does not have a fixed starting eleven, it changes all the time, Palmer has started a handful of other matches in various competitions - but this is very likely what happened to Jamie in terms of the Richmond match. It's the only match we know for an absolute fact that he started in for City, and it's probably because it was a game where the line-up could be changed around and experimented with to give different players opportunities, because they weren't "playing for anything."

Basically, in summary - Jamie played for Richmond for 9-10 months (depending on how early he came in preseason.) By the end of that stay he had played a lot more minutes by then than he ever had before even if he didn't get to stay the whole length of the season. City knew he'd improved and recalled him, deciding that if Richmond weren't going to utilise him, they'd prefer he be with them in Manchester to use when they want. They start using him as a sub in the last couple of months of the season, and he proves himself to be a valuable player for them. So he gets to play more minutes, maybe gets subbed on earlier each game, and eventually he gets to start a few matches, especially ones after City has already won the title and Jamie gets to play the match just for the experience.

In terms of being a team player, I fairly strongly believe that at City, this would have been a given for Jamie no matter what. Jamie got full of himself playing as a 1-up-front striker at Richmond, maybe in a 4-2-3-1 formation, but that's not how he would have ever played at City. Pep's favourite formation during that era of City is 4-3-3 and that's what Jamie was playing in for the Richmond match, he was part of a line of three (the formations are on the Arlo White cheat sheet) against Richmond's 4-4-2. City in this shape favours high possession and passing, so Jamie would have to have been succeeding within the style Pep wanted, i.e., being a team player and passing a lot and not acting as an individual star taking control of the match.

Jamie at Richmond was a selfish player largely because he didn't see the other players as good enough. He saw himself as a cut above them and their only value was to facilitate him in taking control of the match. He's not actually wrong about the skill level objectively, and even Roy admits it in 1.04 - that he knows he should be passing to Jamie but he can't stand Jamie's attitude about it. Because shaping the team to facilitate a star striker like that is not inherently bad football, not if the player isn't a cunt about it - it's a bit like what we saw with Zava, which looked ridiculous to us as viewers but was not actually a situation that anyone other than Jamie resented because Zava made the others feel valued, even if it felt fake to us. But look. Footballers do understand that some players are just better than others, and if your star striker is a nice person who makes everyone feel valued and treats people as proper teammates, there's nothing wrong with the tactic being "get the ball to that person and let them take charge." 

Richmond was Jamie's first taste of being that heroic superstar, where he was the one with all the glory, and because he didn't see the rest of them as on his level, he became a bad "team player" due to not recognising the part the rest of the team played in his success, or helping them improve (playing with people better than you should make you better, generally!) or believing that any of the others could achieve anything. He felt he was doing it all by himself. And George Cartrick clearly also had no interest in training the team in any other way. Very much "just get the ball to Tartt, he's the only one who's any good, and try not to fuck up in the process" as opposed to using Jamie's prowess to elevate EVERYONE. 

At City, where Jamie probably wasn't the best player on the team, where the standards were more equally at his level or better, this factor is not an issue. That's not how Pep trains them, it's not how Pep thinks. Jamie knows that he's not the solo star there. He knows that all the other great players will be contributing to making things happen, that everyone is smart and talented and aren't going to fuck up. Whether he liked it or not, he would have had trust in the way that playing style works, knowing that it's what's being asked of him from Pep and what the situation calls for. But Jamie didn't trust the Richmond players to be good enough to contribute. We see this Sam a lot - his attacks on Sam are often because Sam has failed to put a pass where Jamie wanted it, or missed a shot in training, or whatever. This is not an excuse for his behaviour but it is clear evidence that Jamie is frustrated because the rest of the team isn't at his level. And unlike season 3, he has no interest in working with them on improving, or showing them how best to play with him. Being a good team player isn't always about sharing the ball equally or whatever, it's about working as a team to feed each other's strengths - that's how season 3 Jamie can be both a team player and a total star player at the same time.

Honestly, to me, Jamie making that extra pass in 1.10 wasn't anything to do with Ted, aside from narratively for us as viewers. That's just how City plays football. That's Pep's influence, not Ted's. Ted sees it happen and thinks he's done something to change Jamie's attitude but in my opinion, Jamie is just playing the way Pep wants him to, because he actually values Pep's opinion about tactics in a way he didn't value Ted's. 

There is no way in hell Jamie went from age 13, or whenever he was scouted, to age 23, being a consistently selfish ball hog style player at Man City. Lots of players want to be stars, but I believe that the level we see in season 1 is just how he thought he needed to play at Richmond, because he felt like he was the only one who knew what he was doing and making anything happen on the pitch, and then of course he liked how it felt to have all that attention on him. But the way Jamie was playing at Richmond is simply not how City play football, and season 3 makes that canon to the Ted version of City too, not just an unfounded real life football comparison. City in the show are coached by Real Pep and play Pep's version of total football. That's what Jamie was doing when he made the extra pass,  and it's his experience with Pep's total football that allows Jamie to help Richmond so much in season 3.

[victorckk]

Now that I have Casimir’s updated reference sheet finished, I’m making an updated info post on him!

His color palette has been changed, but that’s really the only difference.

Now into all of his information before I begin to ramble over the smallest things because I have a tendency to do that a lot-

Basics

Voice Claim - Ben Balmaceda as Kaveh ( Genshin Impact )

Aliases - B-3 / Prince Phe’tulente

Gender - Male (He/Him)

Orientation - Big Gay™️

Age - 20s(?)

Birthdate - N/A

Occupation - Ex-General / Model

Birth Place - Saturn / Titan

Current Residence - Earth

Relations

Queen Tyr’ahnee - Adoptive mother

Marvin - Friends / rivals / couple ( you can never tell with these two ngl 💀 )

Marshmallow - Animal companion

Personality

Casimir tends to be aggressive, forgetful, and occasionally reckless.

He does have a secret soft side underneath his hostile demeanor, but he rarely shows that side of him, only becoming more friendly and trusting towards those he’s closest to.

He also tends to be snarky sometimes. Honestly, he’s a bit of a jerk but only because he doesn’t know how to handle his emotions.

Origins

His Saturnian origins have been narrowed down to Titan, one of Saturn’s moons. He doesn’t have any memories of it, though, as he was still fairly young when his parents sent him away.

He was adopted by Queen Tyr’ahnee, but she never told him where she found him or why she took him in.

All he knows is that ever since, he was raised as a Prince since he couldn’t return home, as his fellow Saturnians have been wiped out after a catastrophic event.

Queen Tyr’ahnee had him trained to become a General in the empire’s army, but he didn’t get too far as he ended up running away from Mars and landed on Earth.

Trivia / Misc.

Trivia

His Martian name, B-3 stands for Beta-3. It refers to his placement and role within the Empire. His translated name, Phe’tulente, is a play on the word petulant and is also pronounced as such.

He is able to speak and translate Saturnian.

Casimir was present when the catastrophe struck his home planet, and it resulted in him repressing those memories until he forgot about them almost completely. The memories are foggy, but he can still remember bits and pieces of it.

Speaking of his Saturnian origins, he was actually the prince of Saturn and its moons, but his family’s empire had to move to the moons after an incident involving the main planet.

His neurodivergent love language is penguin pebbling. He has so many cools rocks that he just gives to all his closest friends and everything. Seriously, his house could be a Museum for Cool Rocks.

Casimir would post THESE specific kind of memes just to piss Marvin off :

[aiambia]

How big of an organization do you think the antivan crows are?

There are 8 Talon Houses and various lesser/cuchillo houses. But like how big is each house? How many crows and fledglings fall under each house?

If they’re a driving political force in Antiva, and are well known enough to get regularly hired out for contracts by all sorts of clients, then they’ve got to number in the hundreds at the very least, right? Maybe they’re not in the thousands like the Grey Wardens were at their peak, but maybe like 1,000 at the most? Numerous (and strong) enough to deter Thedas’s other nations from ganging up and attacking them, numerous enough to run a casino (The Diamond is basically a casino or club, right?or is it a market?) and a prison (House of Graves) on top of all the contracts, but not so numerous as to count as a standing army for Antiva.

There’s maybe 150-200 crows in the opera house when Illario is giving his speech, but that certainly can’t be ALL of them, right?

I’d guess maybe around 300-500? Large enough to be a known organization, but small enough to still feel exclusive and like the members are specially selected. Large enough to be a strong political force in Antiva, run and maintain multiple large properties where people are kept/gather, and carry out many contracts concurrently (often on high-profile targets), large enough to intimidate other nations, but small enough to not be considered a standing army.

Definitely smaller than the Grey Wardens.

Probably smaller than the Templar Order?

Definitely smaller than the Circle of Magi.

Probably bigger than the Veil Jumpers.

Possibly on par with the Mourn Watch (slightly larger than crows?) and Lords of Fortune (slightly smaller than crows?)

Math below the cut

If we assume the Crows are more or less just Thedas’s mafia, then Wikipedia says that they should probably number in the thousands, actually. Real-world Mafias tend to number in the thousands on the large side (Italian mafias apparently were 6,000-10,000 strong), and in the hundreds on the small side (200 is the lowest number I saw.) Considering Thedas is not as populated as present day-Earth (medieval-ish fantasy setting = medieval-ish population probably. Also blight kills people), I’d say we can easily cut those numbers by half, maybe even a fourth as a starting point.

That gives us roughly 2,500 members at the absolute most to work with. For reference (comparing Thedas’s cultural societal stylings compared to real world art, architecture, and fashion of various time periods) Thedas has a rough population of 350 million.

Each Crow House has a single leader, a handful of masters to handle contracts, a bunch of assassins, and many fledglings (most of whom will die before becoming full crows). Considering the houses function more like guilds than like big families of assassins, each house probably has anywhere from 30-150 members depending on the age and reputation of the house. Talon Houses and those houses powerful enough to rise to the rank of Talon are likely on the larger side.

30-150 gives you enough people to carry out contracts—contracts can hire as few as one crow and as many as a whole house (Zevran mentioned it)—but not so many that it becomes completely unmanageable. A large portion of that number is also likely fledglings, most of whom will die before becoming full crows. We’ll say it’s 1/10 fledglings who survive.

So let’s say of that total number:

1 person is the guildmaster/house leader

5% are masters handling contracts

35% are assassins carrying out contracts

60% are fledglings of various ages, only 10% of which will survive

Out of 150 crows, that means we have:

1 Guildmaster

8 masters

52 assassins

90 fledglings, of which only 9 will survive

Putting our final number of crows at 70 people per house, post Fledgling Hunger Games, on the high end.

8 Talon Houses * high avg crow count (70) = 560 crows

2,500 total crows - 560 talon house crows = 1,940 cuchillo house crows

1,940 cuchillo crows / high avg crow count (70) = ~28 Houses

Talon to Cuchillo crow ratio 1:3.4

Doing the same math for the low end, using 300 (low end of my original guess) for the total number of crows gets us:

Low avg crow count per house = 30

1 guild master

2 masters

11 assasins

18 fledglings, 1-2 of which will survive

Final avg crows per house: 16

Talon House Crows: 128

Cuchillo House Crows: 172

Cuchillo Houses: ~11

Talon to Cuchillo crow ratio 1:1.3

Tbh, I like the ratio of the high end better, but 2,500 total crows still feels high considering how all the reasons given at the beginning of the post…let’s math one more time with some middle of the road numbers

Total Crows: 750

Mid Avg Crow Count Per House = 50

1 Guildmaster

3 masters

18 assassins

30 fledglings, 3 of which survive

Final avg crows per house: 25

Talon House Crows: 200

Cuchillo House Crows: 550

Cuchillo Houses: 22

Talon to Cuchillo crow ratio: 1:2.75

I think that works for an average number of crows. Some houses will inevitably be larger while others are smaller, and the actual number of Cuchillo houses is probably higher, but this more or less works, right?

And now I’ve done all the math I needed to do to make this fic work

[wyntereyez]

I think this is the last scream into the void before I have a post about myself. Part Five is about my siblings. Well, mostly my sister, the golden child.

I actually don't have much to say about my siblings. I love them, I sometimes want to kill them, and for the most part, we get along.

Even my half siblings, who I actually don't refer to as my half siblings but have only been doing so for the sake of making it easier to differentiate them here without using names. It wasn't always like that. I was jealous of them for getting the attention I wasn't, and I mostly ignored them, but sometime was cruel (not horribly cruel, but I wasn't nice.) Thankfully, I got over that before they were old enough to notice, and we get along really well.

I also have surprisingly few problems with my brother. You'd think my Dad's only son would get more privileges than anyone else, and sometimes it felt like it, but those privileges weren't favoritism. For example, I had my own room, and my brother and sister shared one. Eventually, my sister was moved into my room, which I hated. But I get it. Hell, I even know that it's a CPS offense to have a boy and girl sharing a room after a certain age. I wasn't happy, but I got it. And when my brother started getting the front seat of the Chevy S-10 and I was stuck in the back...well, he's 6'. He literally could not fit. Again, I get it, and the problem was eventually solved with new vehicles, but it still sucked. About the only problem I've truly had with my brother was when we had an apartment together and he had trouble taking turns doing dishes. I blame this on my Dad; my brother wasn't used to actually doing dishes because I was always doing them.

And then there's my sister.

She was four when my parents divorced. Because she'd had so little time with our mother, she seemed to adapt the easiest. Also, she was a Daddy's Girl, so she was fine because she had her favorite parent.

Unfortunately, because my Dad wanted to minimize her trauma, she was spoiled. She got the most presents, she got to do the most school activities, she didn't have to do chores until much, much later... When we had our Evil Step Monster, I think she handled it better because she didn't grow up being constantly yelled at, and wasn't afraid to be stubborn.

She never got grounded for standing up to That Woman.

And unfortunately, she still expects people to just do things for her, while not being so good about reciprocating. Things include:

One Christmas, she nagged and nagged and nagged at me to buy her a certain expensive present that she needed now, rather than wait until my next paycheck. She assured me she'd get me a present in return. She didn't.

She wouldn't let me in the bedroom when I was visiting from college. I had no bedroom in the house since they'd basically moved me out entirely when I went to stay on campus. Which meant that I was basically limited to the living room, kitchen, and bathroom during my home visits. I had no place to hide from That Woman.

When my sister got married, she called me to ask if I had money for 'the dress.' I had no clue WTF she was talking about, and when I asked, she said, "Well, you're gonna be a bridesmaid, you know." No, actually, I didn't. Because you didn't ask me.

Like my Dad, she expected me to drop everything and come watch her house and dogs whenever she and her husband went somewhere. She made it sound like she was the one doing me a favor by letting me watch Netflix. A couple of times, I was working somewhere an hour and a half drive's away. She still expected me to watch the dogs with zero compensation despite the long drive.

She completely ignores my issues. I mentioned once that was looking for a new job because I'd had an anxiety attack working retail. She immediately tried to get me to apply for a job that required me to sit at a desk and talk to people all day, a job that would cause major anxiety issues. When I told her no, she got annoyed because she was 'just trying to help.'

She's very protective of our Dad. From things she says, she seems to have this impression that I'm the spoiled one that got everything I ever wanted and whenever I asked for help, I was using him. Yeah, that's not how I remember it.

Her help is very conditional. Remember the fiasco with my brother's wedding? Where I didn't have a lot of cash, and she assured me she'd help, and even picked out a flight that fit her schedule for pick-up and drop-off. It was at an airport an hour away, rather than the much closer one I'd originally planned to fly into, and she was the only one who'd be able to get me. I doublechecked with her before buying the ticket. And then she started changing things on me, telling me she couldn't drive me to the wedding we were both going to, telling me she might not be able to drop me off at the airport, telling me that actually, no, I couldn't stay with her after all and I needed to find a hotel in three days or she definitely wouldn't pick me up and drop me off. This is why I canceled. Even my Dad was pissed at her for this.

She's also very controlling. Last year, I had been considering going to California for fun. My sister immediately said I should come visit instead. It would be cheaper! You know, spend my money to go back to the place I escaped from, where I didn't have fun. And I'd have to stay at a hotel. Preferably one with a pool, so she could bring her boys to swim! So this 'cheaper' vacation would have been me in a hotel in an area with very little to do, waiting for her to visit on her own time, probably renting a car because that would be the ONLY way to get anywhere. And even then, there's nothing in that area I haven't seen a million times, so leaving the hotel wouldn't even be worth it.

Ahem, anyway... Being far away from family is very good for me.

[garbagedogs]

time for Payback unused dialogue master post (the mission is internally referred to as SS or SweatShop)

i think this mission is pretty good as is but i'm still kinda disappointed it ended up being basically a Wei only show since during some point in development the Boys had a much more active part in it, in both a functional sense where they would've been actually present in it even beyond the beginning, but also just portraying them as actual characters. like i've already posted about how Vincent originally had a ton of dialogue for this mission, probably around the same amount as in Listening In, and they paint a pretty good picture of just what kinda person he is

another Water Street Boy who initially had way more to say was Calvin who's not even shown on screen in the final game, you just hear his disembodied voice when the Boys light up the warehouse

the convo between him and Wei where he asks about Dogeyes was probably originally intended for Duke because he says a similar line, but it was only recorded by his original voice actor (TC era Duke i assume). maybe Calvin's character was a later addition and UFG tried to incorporate him into the story more by giving him random inconsequential convos originally intended for Duke or Conroy. anyways Duke himself didn't have a whole lot to say beyond that and most of it's just leftovers from his original VA

then there's Conroy who also doesn't have a whole lot of unheard stuff beyond what's already in the game, there's the line about Wei having to get blood on his hands to prove himself that in the final game only plays in Wei's nightmare after the mission, and also him getting really excited about burning down the sweatshop

i think this bit is interesting though: "You take the back. Draw them away from the front and then we'll come in" like they almost let Conroy take charge over the one single thing he's supposed to be good at for this one shining moment. why Wei would never stand for that this is HIS show ONLY. and speaking of

Wei was originally gonna handle SIu Wah a bit differently, way more diplomatic. i guess you could say it's how Charles Ho would've done it because it doesn't really fit Wei's character anymore. also UFG seemed to really want the convo about Wei and Dogeyes to happen but they just couldn't fit it in

Siu Wah naturally has unused lines as well but i'm only here for the Boys. iirc he did have a different voice actor originally though

[all-i-do-is-read]

Akatsuki No Yona Recap Chapters 1&2

First things first, this sword here, have we ever seen this referenced again anywhere else in the manga yet? I'm definitely keeping my eyes out for this on my re-read.

Before I start this, I am going to put a disclaimer that my recap and commentary will be based on official English translation from ShoujoBeat as they are the copies I own. A second disclaimer is that these are simply all my opinions and commentary from the way I read and consumed the manga. I would very much welcome it if you could also comment and share your opinions as these recaps progress. Also, these posts will be long, so apologies in advance.

Akatsuki No Yona Chapter 1: Princess Yona

Since this is a "pilot" chapter, the purpose is to quickly get to the point about who these people are and what their circumstances are in a glance. Now, I'll say this first: I think Kusanagi Mizuho, the mangaka, is a very talented storyteller and we will celebrate her through this work. Nonetheless, I also think that she is not perfect and has some misses in the way she handled some of the narratives.

This chapter has plenty of that in the employment of what I call her "storytelling shorthand." Basically, it just means infodump-y and trope-y expositions to get some points across that she would like to be dealt with immediately, so she can move to the next point of the story quickly.

(This technique does appear fewer and fewer as the story progresses, presumably as the mangaka improves in her storytelling craft, but there are still instances of them used in later chapters and I would point them out as they come)

To be honest, this is why most of the characters were kind of unappealing to me when I was only starting this manga, because of the very trope-y and, dare I say, exaggerated way they were presented to us. I think the biggest victim of this shorthand is Hak and we'll deal with that in later chapter discussions. But once I got over that, I was fine to continue with the story. Plus, again, this is chapter one, so the shorthand is useful for getting relevant context out of the way so we can quickly get to the inciting incident of this whole manga.

We begin with a narration about the Kingdom of Kohka, the Hiryuu Palace and the King who lavished all his love to his only daughter, Princess Yona. (Oh, look, it's the title of the chapter!)

This narration comes from Yona herself, but we can tell that she is reminiscing about her time in the palace, as opposed to her situation now--outside of the palace. We immediately understand that something must have happened.

Yona is imperious, spoiled and shallow, only caring about her looks. Hak is an irreverent and sarcastic general. He is also her exclusive bodyguard. He also deadpans a lot. We immediately understand that they have a close relationship dynamic in the way that Hak feels comfortable teasing the princess of his nation in front of his King (his masters, essentially) and the way Yona just immediately launches into countering his teasing.

I've seen some people put off by Yona, because she called Hak a servant here (she also called him this in a future chapter, we'll get to that), but to me, it is again one of those shorthands to inform us that Yona is simply ignorant. Plus, it clearly is not meant to insult or belittle Hak. She was just responding to Hak as he teases her. You never see her refer to other people in this way again in this manga, anyway.

Here, we also meet King Il, Yona's father who dotes on her... and the third essential pillar of the Akatsuki No Yona trio, Suwon.

Aside: Suwon looks like a princess here hahaha

We are told that Suwon is so kind and that Yona, very obviously, has a crush on him. We get into a flashback showing us that Suwon supported Yona when she lost her mother at such a young age. At this point in the manga, we were Yona, too, loving on such a gentle Suwon.

And then we are also shown and told that not only do Yona and Suwon have a pretty close relationship, Suwon and Hak are close friends, too.

With Suwon's arrival, we get the information that Yona's 16th birthday is coming up. We also learn, more or less, that Yona figures Suwon doesn't think of her romantically, King Il has a distaste for weapons (and thus a coward) and that King Il doesn't approve of Yona's feelings for Suwon. We get more shorthands here about the immediate royal family's who's who and that, at least, 2/5 of them is not among the living.

Here's another one of those shorthands (infodump exposition) pertaining to Yona's personality. Following this, Yona told her father certain information her father should already know, but for the sake of readers, is spelled out for us.

King Il tells Yona that the reason she doesn't approve of Suwon is because being married to her would put him in danger, just like how the Queen, Yona's mom, was killed by traitors.

Yona opposes, obvi, and goes to contemplate this information. But she gets stalked by an ominous presence, which more seriously brings the point about the danger of being married to her across. She runs and ends up getting into a room where Suwon is. Suwon sees her distress and comforts her. But Yona then has a thought, which to me is a glimpse of the real her buried underneath the spoiled princess surface.

Yona is someone who is able to think about the well-being of others.

Now, the next portion of this, I will skip for now and get back to later. But I'll say this: Yona being stalked in the castle even though Hak is supposedly her exclusive bodyguard is one of another "quirk" that usually happens in this manga.

Yeah, she ran away from that conversation with King Il and she was having a moment to herself, but as a bodyguard, Hak should have followed her from a respectful distance. But then if Hak did, the stalking scene and following scenes wouldn't have happened. So since there needs to be a plot beat here, some inconsistencies just have to happen, I guess. This is one instance where Hak's characterization is a victim of these "quirks," but we'll just overlook that and go straight to Yona's birthday party.

The first time I read this part, I really did believe the direction of this story is that Suwon is the one for Yona. There was also that sequence that I skipped for now that reinforced this idea to me.

So Suwon gives Yona an exquisite hairpin and praises her hair and they have that lovely moment above.

I will talk about this later: Suwon's gaze towards a smiling Yona.

Anyway, this moment is later interrupted by Hak telling Yona that King Il was looking for her. Left alone, Hak and Suwon has a conversation. Hak tells Suwon that he figures that Suwon and Yona will finally become a thing (again, based on the earlier scene with the hairpin, it does look like it, yeah? Hak is not simply projecting here, he is just saying what he has observed). He also says that he supports Suwon to be the future King. Suwon vaguely waves that away with an, "It's not what you think," and we get this little bit of Hak characterization here:

Hak is actually conscientious, as in he takes his role, place, job and status super seriously, even though he is usually irreverent (which was why it doesn't make sense that he wasn't with Yona during that earlier stalking incident, but fine, I'll let it go).

Hak and Suwon then has a serious conversation about things being a bit off in the palace. And Suwon advised Hak to take a closer look at how things are. This next bit is quite important: Hak felt confident about taking a look at things around the palace on Yona's birthday celebration that he wasn't exclusively hanging around Yona that day, because he believes he can leave her safety and protection over to Suwon.

Now as Yona's party quiets down, Yona decides she can't let go of her feelings for Suwon and goes to look for King Il to convince him, but when she gets there, she is greeted with this:

I mean, I know what the silhouette is trying to tell me, but when I was reading it, I was like There must have been an intruder or something! as foreshadowed by that earlier conversation between Hak and Suwon.

This couldn't be Suwon, right?

Yeah, no. It was him. It was Suwon.

And that's where that chapter ends.

Akatsuki No Yona Chapter 2: Shattered Bonds

Nothing for it, but to go directly to the second chapter. But we are treated to a cliff-hanging respite as we go to Hak this time. He is out on patrol through the palace grounds. He's approached by Minsu, King Il's attendant. Minsu offers him a drink and they chat for a bit. We don't know the laws of this Kingdom but we do know that Hak is 18, so it seems that at least he can have an alcoholic drink at his age.

Hak and Minsu talk about Yona and Suwon and we learn, what I think, is the core of Hak as a character in this story when he says this:

"I want them to be happy together."

Guy just wants the people he loves to be happy. How hard can that be to grant? Such a simple desire that, unfortunately for him, the mangaka (hereby referred to as Kusa) is about to shatter.

Now, I really like this narrative technique used here, because as Hak is confessing this desire to Minsu, we are reading it through this panel:

Hak gazing up, probably imagining the smiling faces of his two best friends in his head, and the the tip of the bloody sword that Suwon used to kill Il. I thought that was such a brilliant contrast. What a way to wring our hearts, you know. Kusa would employ this trick a few more times in the course of the story and she always picks the most devastating moments to use this.

Then we go back to Suwon and Yona.

Yona is devastated in more ways than one. Her father is dead and the man she loves is her father's killer. But Yona finds that hard to believe and so she tells Suwon that he is not someone who would do that. In response, Suwon tells Yona a secret about their families.

King Il killed Suwon's father, Yuhon. And so Suwon killed Il to avenge his father. And he has been planning to do it for a looooonggg time.

We also learn that Yuhon was, in all the ways that matter, the better choice to be the King of the kingdom. But for some reason, the former King, Suwon and Yona's grandfather, decided to choose Il as his successor. But now that Il is dead, Suwon is usurping his throne to be the ruler of Kohka.

Poor Yona cannot compute what is happening.

She thinks about multiple things. She thinks about the old Suwon who smiled at her warmly--the one who gifted her a beautiful hairpin just hours ago.

But I guess now that Suwon has finally let out the truth he had been holding on to for so long, he is a bit talkative. He tells Yona that he didn't expect her to be awake and asks her what brought her to the King's chambers that night.

I thought that Yona's response was devastating.

Even Suwon is taken aback by Yona's answer, but let's unpack that later. I promise I will get back to that.

At this point, they get interrupted by soldiers that are clearly on Suwon's side who congratulated him for finally taking his revenge. But then they notice Yona in the room and quickly realize that she saw everything and so they clamor to kill her as well. Suwon resolves to do just that, but fortunately for Yona, her survival instincts kicked in and she was able to run away.

Yona is very much shattered emotionally. While she was running away, she kept denying in her mind what she witnessed, what just happened. She wonders if Suwon actually hated her. She then gets caught by one of the soldiers.

But just as a soldier is about to strike Yona, a force of lightning appeared between her and her pursuers.

It's Hak.

And he's not happy. He considers the situation and demands an explanation from Suwon. (He even has a very good narrative excuse for not being with Yona this time [unlike that last time]: because she is supposed to be with Suwon, so he was making himself scarce).

He then turns to Yona and we see one of this manga's iconic panels: (iconic to me, at least. like when I think of ANY, this always immediately comes to mind)

Yona's response to him here is also very devastating.

"Hak, are you on my side?"

Poor Yona, she already thinks she has no one. Not surprising when the man you love commits regicide in front of your very eyes and soldiers of your kingdom wants to cut you down.

You can tell that Hak is taken aback by this question, too, because he pauses before answering her. Then he pledges his devotion and obedience to her.

Hak turns back to Suwon and Suwon gets him up to speed about the plot thus far, except Hak is not even given the grace of the full truth about the backstory of the royal family rift. So much for a best friend, really, Suwon. Instead, Hak was given a shortcut version of "King Il: Terrible, had to die. Suwon: Perfect Leader, taking over."

Hak then attacks Suwon, which, to his credit, he manages to dodge. The soldiers try to intervene, but they are warned away by Suwon by declaring that Hak is:

Hak is so remarkably strong as a fighter that he even has a famous nickname aside from being a general at his young age. The soldiers even sounded impressed at hearing his name. Now this is already the second time in two consecutive chapters where Hak's exceptional abilities in military arts or fighting arts or whatever you might call it is remarked upon. Bookmark that for now, because I will have some things to say about that in the future.

Anyway, back to the plot.

Because there are, obviously, many soldiers and just one Hak, he and Yona get cornered and all hope seem lost. Hak uses this opportunity to ask Suwon this:

"Suwon, was the man I knew just a facade?"

You get the feeling that the question was almost an imploration. Like Yona denying in her head what she is witnessing, Hak was also looking for his best friend in the face of this man in front of him through these questions.

Suwon, in fairness to him, does answer Hak, although I imagine that his answer actually pulvurized Hak's heart.

"The man you knew never existed. If anyone gets in my way, I will destroy them. No matter who it is."

I feel immense satisfaction knowing that Hak managed to wound Suwon, though. Suwon, you deserved worse.

Yona and Hak has no time to dwell on Suwon's declaration, however, as somebody fires an arrow that distracts the other soldiers. It was just enough distraction for Hak to snatch Yona and together they run away.

They are approached by Minsu and Hak remarks on his archery skills, saying it was a lousy shot (not the time, Hak). Minsu asks Yona if the king is really dead and Yona can only manage a nod.

They make a plan to escape the palace as more of the soldiers that are loyal to Suwon are gathering. Yona then despairs about leaving the palace where her father is. Hak comforts her with an embrace and gives her a reason for surviving for now.

As an act of loyalty, Minsu offers to draw the attention of the soldiers so that Hak and Yona can run away. His last words to Yona, "Please stay safe, your highness," is truly heart-wrenching to me, especially since the last page of this chapter ends with Minsu being shot in the back and with Yona, running away with Hak, taking one last glance at Minsu.

That ends chapter two.

Through all this, I have given very limited commentary about Suwon. And they are all related to the parts I said I will come back to. So here goes.

First, Suwon as the antagonist.

At the beginning, I didn't really see that, because I thought he is going to be the actual love interest for Yona. And I had that thought, because of that sequence in chapter one that I skipped, just right after the stalking incident.

Let's go back to that now.

Yona, overwhelmed by her emotions, tried to confess her feelings for Suwon, but Suwon shuts it down before she could even begin to say anything. However, Yona tries to keep pushing the subject of feelings without actually saying her feelings out loud. We get a few panels of Suwon looking like this and saying things like this:

Now, on my first read through, I thought that Suwon might have feelings for Yona. But (and spoilers for future chapters) it appears that Suwon is just truly awkward and clueless in matters about romance, hence his reaction.

But the really shitty thing about this is that when Yona says that it's enough for her that Suwon is a tiny, tiny bit aware of her, Suwon pats her head in a kind gesture, proceeds to give the hairpin to her on her birthday and then turns around and kills her father.

So given what we know now, that he kills Il and breaks the heart of his two best friends, all I can say about him is that he is a big piece of shit.

In these chapters, all we know about him is his kindness and yet his kindness turns out to be a lie. Kusa does give hints that there might be more to him on certain panels, but two particularly stands out to me.

The first one is his reaction after seeing Yona smile at the hairpin that he gave her.

Now at this point, he still had choices: turn back from his plans and choose Yona and Hak, or proceed as planned and turn his back on those two.

And he chose to be cruel.

Now notice that I am not attaching Kohka in his choices, because I truly believe it is an entirely different matter, even if the narrative and the characters keep insisting to us that killing Il and saving Kohka are one and the same. And I will get to that in later chapters. But like, way later. As in around hundreds of chapters later.

Going back, the second stand out Suwon panel to me is this:

This is him facing the consequence of that choice. Here he was, faced with the girl who, in many senses of the word, had no power. She's so powerless, she can't even choose who she can marry, but she was resolute to have a choice, to make it so that she can choose.

And she would have chosen Suwon.

You can tell from Yona's resolution before visiting King Il that she would have done all she can--all the cajoling, all the imploring, all the imperativeness in her spoiled body--just so she doesn't have to give up Suwon.

It's a choice that is impossible for Suwon to make. (Cause he's shitty)

Now, before you tell me that he had an impossible choice, because the choice was between Yona&Hak or Yuhon, all I can say is this: if Suwon wasn't a shitty person, he would have tried to make King Il answer for killing his father without having to resort to completely destroying the two people whose only crime was loving him wholeheartedly.

No, the choice was not between Yona&Hak or Yuhon, the choice was between justice and cruelty. He chose cruetly, because he is a shitty person, as I keep saying.

I will have more to say about Suwon, because I know his character gets expanded in later chapters, but my commentary on the core of his characterization will never change.

And that's it for my first Akatsuki No Yona Commentary Series. I'm sorry that it got so long, but I had to put chapters 1 and 2 together to make this make sense.

I'll be back with more chapter commentaries soon. Please let me know your commentary on these chapters if you love this manga. I would love to read more perspectives, more opinions. And thank you for reading until here. See you next time!