#&; crack

[sukurarose92]

Okay, a friend of mine said "obi-wan about Anakin" and it gave me several silly ideas so i'm gonna share them. Insert random headcanons about Anakin and his catch-it-eat-it diet below the line.

I'm just imagining Anakin opening cabinets, getting down on the floor and searching. Army crawling to look under tables and cabinets, pausing to sniff once in a while.

"Its around here somewhere... i just know it"

"Did you lose something?"

"No. There's an ant in here"

"Oh?... did you see it?"

"No. I can smell it. Its taunting me"

"You can.... smell the ant?" -there is a moment of silence "AHA!" "Oh. oh no. Anakin please don-- oh stars"

It's too late. Anakin has already put it in his mouth. This ties into coming from a planet where food is a little more scarce. He was raised where if you can catch it, you eat it. and obi-wan's reaction implies that he knew it was coming. which led me to headcanon number 2. This is not a new occurrence. You ever imagine the other jedi masters watching this mid-twenties fresh baby faced knight trying to wrestle a small reptile from the grubby hands of feral desert child? Because i have.

Anakin is upset because he caught it to eat it and obi is trying to convince him that there is plenty of food in the cafeteria, please do not eat that.

Perhaps, an 11 year Anakin running by with pudgy stuffed cheeks, obi-wan hot on his heels, shouting frantically "WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH?!"

Hearing from another room "SPIT THAT OUT THIS INSTANT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT'S BEEN!" Followed by the sounds of a scuffle, which is certainly Knight Kenobi trying to wrestle Anakin's mouth open like an unruly dog with a wrapper, attempting to get it out of him mouth. then a sharp yelp "you BIT me?!" if it's small enough to fit in his mouth, it's going in. Bugs. Lizards. if he catches a small rodent he'll cook it first. but he'll eat it.

Headcanon number 3. Obi-wan is utterly devestated when he discovers that Ahsoka will also eat small critters.

Anakin spots a bug and stares at it, moving to stalk and it sets Ahsoka off. Next thing you know, her pupils have turned to slits and she's fallen into step, stalking alongside him. It doesn't matter who catches it first, Anakin gives it to Ahsoka because he's a good Master.

"here. i had one earlier. you can have this one"

"thanks master!"

Obi-wan is making an utterly despaired sound in the background.

"oh. i'm sorry master obi-wan. did you want that?"

"oh no, snips. obi-wan's a picky eater. he doesn't eat bugs"

"force have mercy. there's two of them"

Next headcanon. fuck naming them. there's too much going on here.

Obi-wan has no spice tolerance, which is a huge issue considering that he spent years hiding out on Tattooine where EVERYTHING is spicy, including the meats. This means that he has to find alternative means of getting his nutrients.

This ends up being a diet comprised of desert grasses, roots, mushrooms, legumes, and insects.

he's scooping out the insides of a giant millipede while staring into the distance, disassociating through dinner. He spends so many meals half to tears because "Anakin would've loved this" -- both the mean and watching Obi-wan suffer through eating bugs.

Next headconnon.

Anakin is a little shit.

that's not a new idea, you say. i know. that part is canon. hear me out though.

Freshly Knighted Anakin taunting Obi-wan with his own nuggets of wisdom

"a varied diet is paramount for a healthy body, master. it's important~" and he's holding up a grasshopper.

"no, thank you, anakin. there is plenty of nutritional value to the temple made meals. i'm quite alright."

"but master. i caught this just for you."

"that's very kind but i simply couldn't" Obi-wan is not very fond of bugs to begin with but he's less fond of them when Anakin decides he wants to chase him with them. "no! stop that!"

"c'mon master, eat it!"

"stop that, you menace!!! anakin no!"

obi-wan afterwards is bent over, hands on his knees after force running around the temple with Anakin chasing him. He's gasping for breath.

And then Anakin just approaches, still holding the bug and Obi-wan has clearly hit his limit of what he's willing to put up with and Anakin grins before popping it in his mouth.

"look at that, master. my force running has gotten better. i can keep up with you now~" 😇

"we-- *gasp* should've left you on Tattooine-- *wheeze* where we found you, you brat" *various dying sounds*

"but ya didn't~❤️"

Obi-wan is ready to kick his ass.

I doubt that it's the only time this has happened. Which brings me to my final points. The addition of Yoda to this horrible shit show.

Anakin's bug buddies, Ahsoka, and Yoda.

We have Anakin chasing Obi-wan once more with a different insect. This happens to be a bad time to be wandering the halls. Obi-wan head to do a, rather graceful, flip to avoid taking out Masters Yoda and Plo Koon while on the run. Anakin is close behind and he barely has time for more than a shouted apology.

Anakin has his bug held high and is excitedly telling his master that "this one is crunchy. you'll like it!" with a little too much glee.

Yoda watches Anakin pass by. takes a deep breath and uses a long frog-like tongue to snatch the bug right out of anakin's hands.

"running in the hallways, against the rules, it is." ☺️

anakin, who knew his master wouldn't eat it and had planned to have it himself when he was done tormenting obi. -- "😟 my bug"

Yoda is, fondly, referred to as "Master Steal your lunch" by Anakin the next time he sees him. Yoda, seeming to sense his error, and enjoying being a menace as much as Anakin, even if it's kept under wraps for the most part, sees an opportunity to ruin someone's day.

He snatches a fly from midair with his tongue and then wipes it off on his robes before offering it to Anakin, well aware it had his saliva on it, as a replacement for his pilfered snack.

There room is draped in horrified silence.

obi-wan is nearly in tears

"oh, merciful force. Anakin, i beg you... don't... "

Anakin seems to have a silent conversation via eyes before he smiles pleasantly, takes the fly, thanks the master so very pleasantly, and just pops it in his mouth, to the unending despair of his master.

Obi-wan has his head in his hands, mortified by this nonsense.

"please, Master Yoda, i beg you, don't encourage him"

imagine if your boyfriend was like I can smell an ant. and started tracking

[mochiwonz]

― MY FREAK WAS MATCHED

PAIRING. fem!reader x bf!jungwon CONTENT. suggestive , a little bit of fluff and crack , blonde jungwon and boss baby agenda included OFCC NOTE. texts will definitely be one of my new things hehe these r so fun◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜

i lowk love thesee !! pls reblog if you enjoyed :3 my other works can be found here <3

© mochiwonz ― all rights reserved. do not copy, steal, or translate my work.

[monsters-demons-and-ai-oh-my]

What if the reason why future wizard Viktor told Jayce he had to kill his past self was just that he was frustrated and pissed seeing his former self wreck the world over and over while searching for a solution to stop his past self.

Arcane Wizard Viktor: “Jayce, you must kill me before you can save me.”

Jayce: “What why?”

Arcane Wizard Viktor: “Because fuck that guy.”

[yuukirita]

Is baby bee the only cybertronian sparkling to never know who sentinel is?

We know he wasn’t online when he was down there… so bee’s just clueless about sentinel and his internal dialogue is just questions about who sentinel is?

Yeah. He doesn't know what's going on.

BUT it is funny that he DOES know who the high guard are... so there is the possibility that he read somewhere that Sentinel was the prime's secretary so when Dee and Orion talk about him he's like '...guess he got a promotion'

[nanawaffles]

............i think sauron might be behind that door

[jinjeriffic]

Some Dan/Jason with meddling Ellie

Jason is back at his Crime Alley safehouse after a long night patrolling, beating up assholes etc. and really looking forward to sleeping the day away, when the doorbell rings. Grumbling, he heads over to the intercom.

Jason: What?

Kid's voice: Hello! Would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?

Jason wonders why the fuck a girl scout would set foot in Crime Alley, but when he checks the security cameras, sure enough there's a black haired pre-teen in uniform, with a cart full of cookie boxes. Jeez, this kid is just asking to get kidnapped! He might have to intervene here.

Jason: I'll be right down.

2 minutes later he opens the door. The kid is giving him a great customer service smile. Jason suddenly notices a guy hanging a short ways back. He has dark hair with some white in it (kinda like Jason, huh), is built like a brick shithouse and has a scowl worthy of a mob enforcer. How did Jason not notice him on the cameras??

Kid: Hi! It's $8 for a box or $22 for 3 boxes!

Jason: Uh, hi kid. Is everything alright?

Jason and the brick shithouse size each other up.

Kid: That's just my brother. He's here to keep away the creeps! *beat* He's also single!

Guy, scandalized: Danielle!

Jason, amused: O-kay. How about 3 boxes of Samoas, then?

Danielle: Great! *grabs a stack of boxes* Tell you what, for another 10 bucks I'll give you his phone number *points at Guy*

Guy, even more scandalized: Danielle!!

Jason: *coughs and pulls out a $50* Throw in a box of Thin Mints and you can keep the change

Danielle: Deal!

Guy: what is happening

[zzoomacroom]

Crackfic idea: Retired Dream misses his helm; he used to wear it to calm down and ground himself when he would get overwhelmed (it's never clear in canon what exactly the helm does, but I feel like in addition to whatever power it has, it would also be the eldritch equivalent of noise-cancelling headphones).

Anyway, now he has a collection of helm substitutes, ranging from balaclavas to custom motorcycle helmets to Halloween masks. It's not the same as his old helm, but he does find it oddly calming to wear them. He doesn't like to wear them out in public because he doesn't want to draw attention to himself or embarrass Hob, but Hob encourages him to use them if he needs to. He keeps one of the motorcycle helmets in his car and says if anyone asks, he'll just tell them Dream is a famous DJ.

It's also not uncommon for Hob to come home and find his boyfriend puttering around the flat in nothing but his underwear and one of the historically accurate knight helmet replicas that Hob just has lying around (because of course he does). And sometimes he'll find Dream curled up on the couch, and when he pulls the blanket down he's like, "Ah, I see. I'm so sorry you're having a bad day, duck. Do you think you could take off the Darth Vader mask and have some dinner?"

[anyknotrants]

Dick: wait- does this mean that the og JL is just one big family at this point?

Bruce: ... what?

Dick: I mean- I married Wally, who's now leaglly Barry's and Hal's, which makes them your in-law. Jason married Roy, which makes Oliver your in-law, and the rest of you are dating a Super, I feel like that does make the JL a family business

Bruce: ...

Bruce: nO-

[allycot]

canon.

I really like this one actually

[hopeforchanges]

Sauron being unintentionally hilarious, part 2. Remember when Galadriel's bad diplomacy was so bad it literally melted his brain for a second?

Galadriel: *i wanna a ship i wanna a horsie and i wanna you to be nice to me, lady.* Sauron: *we are homeless and smell like whale semen. you need to chill, horsie.*

[balrogballs]

i'm a writer irl (can't say who because my agent would rightfully put me into a blender and press the button if i go and out myself as "balrogballs") and honestly the funniest and most humiliating incident of my life was the time my finished manuscript triggered a plagiarism flag with the publisher for two lines of prose in my literary fiction novel...

.... which was word for word similar to a paragraph in a certain explicit work on FFN starring elrond and his batsman from the hobbit films, aka that one elf that looked like he ate panic attacks for breakfast (i forget his name but it's Figwit II) where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment.

and if you think i had to sit in front of one if the biggest publishing companies in the world and admit that it was, in fact, me who wrote the fic where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment in order to avoid being wrongly flagged for plagiarism, you would be absolutely correct.

(yes they published the book)

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

An adaptation of Sherlock Holmes set in a world in which the fictional character/literary juggernaut Sherlock Holmes, and all the subsequent adaptations thereof, still exist.

Sherlock Holmes (pronounced Holl-mess, as he is constantly reminding people) just had the misfortune of having parents who really liked the books, and his attitude towards his fictional counterpart is pretty much the same as that of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Sherlock runs a Youtube Theory channel called Mysteries Unwrapped with Sherlock Holmes. He has received no less than seven cease and desist letters from the Conan Doyle estate, all of which he has so faded managed to rebuff by pointing out that that's literally his name.

(No he won't change his name. He's Sherlock Holmes the real live human person. Let Sherlock Holmes the non existent fictional character change his name.)

John is Sherlock's flatmate. Sherlock almost refused to live with him once he realised that it would mean staying with a medical student named John, and only gave in once John pointed out that: a) he's a biomedical student, which is completely different from an md, and b) his surname isn't Watson.

It's now been three years, which is long enough for them to have developed a genuine friendship, and for John to have a) started working towards his PhD in biotechnology, and b) for him to start dating somebody with the surname Watson.

Sherlock can feel the narrative closing in.

His Youtube channel is meant to be focused on lost media, fan theories and stuff like that, but he keeps accidentally stumbling upon and then solving genuine crimes.

His brother Mycroft may or may not have chosen that name after he transitions specifically to annoy him.

He doesn't even live in London, but somehow the only flat they could afford was on a street named fucking Baker Street.

Sherlock Holmes and the Unescapable Power of the Narrative.

[leiazher]

It wasn't necessarily that the trinkets and lucky charms would fly around and poke an eye out. Though that could of course happen as well. It was just that the tiny little gods that inhabited those things took severe offense to being taken from their nice land-locked lives without their consent.

And I could understand, I truly could. The gods that lived in trinkets were simple things. They'd give you a boost once in a while if you were kind to them, but they'd do so while both of your feet were firmly on the ground. It's because gods remember for a long time, and they remember the millennia when humans didn't try to tempt fate. Gods are very good with not tempting fate, don't bite the hand that feeds you, and all that. Gods do not want you to tempt fate. Gods want to live their quiet little lives in their charms and trinkets, and according to them, you agreed to their way of life when you bought or got their house.

I've explained this a dozen times, a hundred. You bought a thing housing a god, you now need to take care of it, and one of the ways to do that is to know what the god absolutely never wants you to do, or have you do to it, and then never do that.

Leave their house on the ground, and get your own head in the clouds, but for the love of... well... gods, don't bring them with you up there. Alright? Do not bring your little trinket-dwelling god up in the plane, not only will I not blame them for launching their house into your eye or ear canal, or nostril, no, not only that, it's also that damages brought by gods is not covered in the insurance.

It was always fun watching the new pilots in orientation slowly realize the wall of damaged and destroyed helmets behind you came from other hotshot pilots who didn't heed your warning about trinkets and "lucky charms" in the cockpit.

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[th3e-m4ng0]