#& the scorpion cause I got a scorpion tattoo recently

[hunter-sylvester]

(ONLY IF YOU WANNA)

Put 5 songs you listen to, post it, then send this ask to how ever many of your favourite followers/mutuals !!

:DD

I normally don't do chain asks but I like this one so fuck it.

Suizid - I Left This Life To Rot YT/Spoofy (prob my fav song in general)

Blind Guardian - Mirror Mirror YT/Spoofy 💜

None - The Damp Chill Of Life YT/Spoofy

Megadeth - The Scorpion YT/Spoofy

Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats - Crystal Spiders YT/Spoofy

[pinkyjulien]

🟨 HighVoltage: Just "Married" 🦝💍🔧

Aaaaaah 👉👈 this is a repost from my old blog again hgfhgf but this one is dear to meeeeee

Shouldn't begin to talk about all the lore here cause- IT CAN GET LONG HGFH Buuuut But I kinda want to gfhhgf

I'll try to do a TL:DR ▶ (ok so after writing, it''s pretty long LMAO lore dump 🤡)

Valentin's canon follow the game's canon but is heavily edited, he's still a V and still deals with Dex, Johnny yadda yadda

Instead of Takemura takin' him from the junkyard tho, it's Mitch and Scorpion who finds him during what should've been a standard scavenging routine

Takin his half-dead ass back to camp, where Dakota was around for some days, she recognized Valentin (he used to work a bit at her garage after she helped him hide from the Wraiths) and tells the ripper to keep the extracted bullet; it's a miracle that kid is still alive, he shouldn't be (and for sure, it's only thanks to the chip, right)

Skipping over a BIG CHUNK of lore here, Val' bonds a bit with Scorp and Mitch, meet with Panam, they prepare the kang-tao shit, the kang-tao shit happens, Valentin saves Mitch's ass and all

then during Scorpion's funeral, Mitch thanks Valentin by giving him a necklace made with the extracted bullet (instead of the figurine, he keeps it) and Valentin won't take it off ever since he got it

They keep on getting closer and closer, starting to crush on each others, they also keep saving each others from potential death (Valentin tries to save Saul by himself, feeling guilty of the wraith attack, rumors started to spread that he was ex-wraith and he felt responsible, it turns to shit and Panam, Mitch and vets goes to save him)

Speed forward to The Star ending, everyone is kind of aware that those two are in love now- but not doing anything about it, ignoring those feelings, Valentin dealing with his low self esteem and past trauma of being used and lied to, Mitch having his own demon with the recent lost of Driss, self conscious about a lot of things (his appearance, his age...)

But after a talk with Panam, Val realize they might very well just- fuckin' die tomorrow, so he decide to check in with Cassidy and see if he can help slicing the bullet in half (after checking with Dakota if it's be "ok", not wanting to potentially fuck any... "spell" or force that the bullet holds with everything that happened to him; she understand instantly for *whom* the other half is for and assure him that it's the good thing to do)

He was supposed to give it to Mitch that evening, but one thing leading to another, everybody got drunk and partied, Valentin got his tattoos on his shoulder, and kind of forgot.

MikoSHIT day happens, and as Mitch was about to leave for the Panzer in that tunnel, Valentin grabs him and finally "kiss" him (more like- smash their mouths together, it was a quick, bad kiss, full of regrets and unsaid feelings) and they both share So Much in those short minutes, Mitch having a reason to survive even tho he was well ready to give up his life for his family, for him

Post mikoshi, both Val and Mitch ends up in pretty bad states, going on and off coma, loosing track of time- but everytime one of them wakes up, they ask for the other

At one point, Valentin wake up for a day, going to see Mitch in another tent and placing the half-bullet necklace around his neck, kissing him shyly in his sleep, hoping wishing for him to come back

Later it's Mitch turn to wake up, noticing the bullet around his neck, and taking one of his dogtags off to place it on Valentin's necklace, who's now back into a deep, needed sleep

They're eventually both OK to move and so the 'Caldos prepare to leave for Arizona, similar to the game's canon

But instead of piloting with Panam, Mitch is the one to share the panzer with Valentin, and while on the lake they both talk a lot, happy to both be alive and with each others, and finally share a prope kiss, that slowly grow into something more, until a thunderstorm pop and having to go get back into the panzer, not letting go of the others, sharing their first time linked together (it was also Valentin first first time, pretty intense and full of emotion) as the raindrops falls against the metal and thunder echoing outside

AND LIKE. SPEED FORWARD AGAIN, They're in Arizona now, but Valentin's condition is slowly degrading, everyone can see it, and they eventually find a really good Nomad "hospital" with folks ready to try and help him, even tho it'll be a heavy surgery and nobody knows how it'll go and if it'll even work

But not wanting to make the same mistake as before, with the fear of loosing him, Mitch ask Panam (now leader of the clan) if she could "make them official" (I do believe the 'caldos have some ritual for couples, not necessary a proper weddings like statics- but then again it depends on the peeps, everybody can do whatever they want! What's sure tho is that there's a big party uwu)

She accept of course, and Mitch tells Val, they're both excited but afraid, knowing what it all means, that Valentin could die, and this is a way to tie them together forever

and basically their """wedding rings"""" are their necklaces, that they had around their necks for a long time now, and were always so important to them; but now it's official and celebrated by everyone

AAAAAAAH. THIS WAS LONG, god DAMN 🤓🤏

If ya read all that? Well first off I apologize, writing is one of my big insecurity and I lack the skill TOTALLY. I been writing here and there in private for myself, I'll eventually get better but yeah for now you have this weird puddle of words 🤠

ALSO really want to one day properly share Valentin's lore, it's been cooking for literal years now and I want to share it with you all gfhh

[polarizationvision]

Fallout: New Vegas. The best video game ever created.

Fallout: New Vegas is a post-apocalyptic role-playing video game that takes place in the Mojave Wasteland. The game is set in an alternate version of history where in which the United States entered into a cold war with China over resources and eventually used nuclear weapons to "resolve" the conflict. The resulting fallout and radiation have caused widespread mutations in both humans and animals, creating a unique and dangerous environment. These creatures have evolved to survive in a world ravaged by nuclear war, and they play a critical role in shaping the ecosystem of the wasteland.

As you may remember from a previous blogpost, my all black kitten is named after one of the most common irradiated creatures in the wasteland; the radroach. These mutated cockroaches have grown to massive sizes due to exposure to radiation, and are a constant nuisance for those who roam the wasteland. Despite not being particularly tough enemies, they can swarm you when you least expect it to deal a good amount of damage.

Recently, I got a tattoo of a radscorpion holding a bottle cap, which is the currency in this game, tattooed on my leg. Radscorpions are mutated scorpions that, similar to the radroach, have grown to monstrous sizes due to exposure to radiation. They are much larger than their real life counterparts, sometimes as big as a shetland pony! They have developed an exoskeleton that provides them with formidable protection against damage. Their exoskeleton is incredibly tough, and even bullets have a tough time penetrating it. If you see one while patrolling the Mojave wasteland, it is sometimes better to run the opposite direction rather than waste your limited supply of bullets on them.

Not every animal in the wasteland is trying to kill you, however. Brahmin are a type of mutated cow that can be found anywhere where there are people. These massive, two-headed creatures are a common sight since they serve as a source of food, labor, and transportation for many of the survivors. You see a group of wandering traders? They are likely using a brahmin to lug around their goods. You go to a restaurant? If human meat isn't on the menu, brahmin definitely is! You want to use a common drug that mimics the effects of methamphetamine? You're inhaling fumes from brahmin feces. Yum!

Animals aren't the only ones affected by the radiation from the Great War. Some humans have also absorbed high levels of radiation and suffered the consequences. Their skin has decayed and their lifespans to increase significantly, some living hundreds of years past their natural lifespan. The more radiation they absorb, the more "feral" they become. A fully feral ghoul is more similar to a zombie than a human, ravenous and aggressive. Those that have not become fully feral have the mental capacity of normal humans, but retain their ghastly features. They are a group that is often discriminated against for their appearance.

These are just a few of the creatures you can encounter in the Mojave wasteland, but they are some of my favorite. I have not been able to stop thinking about this game recently, so please forgive me for this abrupt change in topic.

[teatime-scans]

Wild Police Story - Chapter #11 Text Translations

Hi! Here’s a text translation of Chapter 11. Scanlations of this chapter (and the previous one) are being worked on at the moment! ^^

Be aware that since this hasn’t been proofread yet - this is basically the translation as it came out of our minds - some parts might not be very clear, especially the Nagano Dialect part which is just a partial localization we came up with and will probably be changed in the final version.

Translation: Holmes Translation check: Manaphy

CASE 11. Convening and discussing

[Original Work: Aoyama Gosho Artist: Arai Takahiro]

[His fury, yet unbeknownst to everyone, lies hidden deep inside him.]

[The eagerly-awaited first volume will be on sale from the eighteenth of November on!] [Second chapter of the Morofushi Arc! With their hearts set on their beliefs, this is the story of their youthful days during the half a year spent at the Police Academy!]

[Morofushi's past is going to be related right now...]

Morofushi: Understood! I’ll tell you... Morofushi: About that night from 15 years ago...

Morofushi: Enshrouded in that stench of steel... Morofushi: A night of dismay which made my inner clock’s hands... Morofushi: Freeze in place...

Morofushi: Someone came at around 7 PM when I was having dinner with my father and mother... Morofushi: Together with a loudly rung bell... *ding dong* *ding dong* *ding dong*

Morofushi: The visitor was apparently an acquaintance of my father's. Morofushi: At first, they conversed quietly by the entryway, which I could hear while being in the kitchen...

Morofushi: But before very long, the man started raising his voice... Morofushi: and as soon as my mom went to the entryway to check on them...

*GWAAAAAH* Morofushi: I could hear my father groaning... Morofushi: And so my mother came back with a radically changed facial expression, and told me...

Morofushi: “Stay hidden here for a while!”... Morofushi: “Don't come out at all costs, till I tell you it's okay to!”... That's what she said.

Morofushi: As my mom said that, she put me inside a store cupboard... Morofushi: then, in turn, she went and quarrelled with that man... Morofushi: but soon after I couldn't hear her voice anymore, either...

Morofushi: and, what's more, a stench of steel started hanging over... Morofushi: To the point even I could smell it, despite being inside the cupboard. Hagiwara: What's this “steel” you've been talking about since earlier?

Furuya: He's talking about the smell of blood! Furuya: The haemoglobin contained in the red blood cells is mainly composed of iron. That's why. Hagiwara: I see...

Matsuda: So, what happened later? Hiromitsu: I could hear him humming... Date: What? Humming?!

Hiromitsu: Yeah... It wasn't dad's voice, nor mom's. Hiromitsu: It was a shrill-made coaxing voice... Hiromitsu: He was repeating the same phrase while putting it in rhythm, again and again...

Hiromitsu: T-Therefore... Hiromitsu: I gingerly peeked out of the store cupboard from its opening...

Hiromitsu: And I saw a man holding a bloodstained knife, humming a tune... Hiromitsu: It went like, “it's fine nooow!”... Hiromitsu: “come out, pleeease!”...

Matsuda: What about the face?! Matsuda: Didn't you see that bloke's mug?! Hiromitsu: No, I didn't... Hiromitsu: I was too scared...

Furuya: How come that man was looking for you, though? Hiromitsu: Nah, he wasn't looking for me. Hiromitsu: I know because he called a girl's name after “come out please”.

Hiromitsu: That's right... The girl with whom I used to play when I was a kid's... Hiromitsu: “Yuri”, the name of the little girl looking just like the one who was reported missing last night!

Date: Why was he looking for that kid at your house? Furuya: What was her surname? Hiromitsu: I don't know... I always called her by her name... Hiromitsu: After she died from an illness, I did attend her funeral, but I was just a first-year elementary school pupil...

Hagiwara: You didn't see his face, but you did see the tattoo on his shoulder, didn't you? Hiromitsu: Yeah, I did. That man apparently tripped up because of all the blood, and he banged with his whole body against the armoire I was hidden inside... *BANG*

Hiromitsu: When he moved away, for an instant... Hiromitsu: I saw on his shoulder... Hiromitsu: a tattoo shaped like a goblet!

Matsuda: Did he really have it on his shoulder? Hiromitsu: There’s no doubt! Hiromitsu: After moving away from the cupboard, he clutched his shoulder, as if it hurt...

Hiromitsu: So and at that moment, the tattoo that was visible just before... Hiromitsu: Got hidden by his bloody hand, rendering me unable to catch sight of it...

Date: And? What did he do after that? Hiromitsu: I don't know... Hiromitsu: Before I could notice... I fell asleep.

Hiromitsu: After that, I woke up to the sound of doors and stuff being opened and closed... Hiromitsu: and just when I was squaring off, thinking “shit! I’m gonna get found!”... *clatter rattle clatter*

Hiromitsu: someone opened the cupboard's shutter! *slide*

Hiromitsu: It was my older brother, who had just come home from camp middle school... [Komei: Hiromitsu... Mom and dad are dead... Komei: What happened? Can you tell me?] Hiromitsu: It was noon of the following day already... Meaning I had been sleeping in the cupboard for half a day.

Hagiwara: So you had an older brother...? Hagiwara: I heard that, nowadays, he's a skilful police detective in the Nagano prefectural police, and is called the “Koumei of Nagano”! Matsuda: I like Guan Yu* better, though... Date: Who cares about The Records of the Three Kingdoms right now! [* TN: Both Koumei (Kong Ming in Chinese) and Guan Yu (Japanese name: Kan’u) are Chinese strategists whose feats are narrated in the Records of the Three Kingdoms.]

Date: Go ahead. Did you tell your brother about the murderer's tattoo? Hiromitsu: No, I didn't... I've been slightly amnesiac due to the shock caused by that case... Hiromitsu: and in addition, I've also been suffering from aphasia...

Hiromitsu: Later, we were put in our relatives' care — I was sent to Tokyo kinsmen, and my brother with Nagano's, and I changed scenery... Hiromitsu: Yet, my aphasia didn't heal for a while...

Hiromitsu: until I met Zero in Tokyo! [Furuya: It'd be way greater fun if you talked, y'know?]

Hagiwara: So you attended this place, the police academy because you want to seize the murderer? Hiromitsu: Spot on. Plus, I remembered several things recently... Hiromitsu: And I decided that I want to properly draw conclusions about what that was all about from a policeman's point of view... Hiromitsu: and transmit all that information to my brother in Nagano!

Hagiwara: And in the meantime, you chanced upon three suspicious individuals... Hiromitsu: R-Right...

Hiromitsu: There’s Irie-san, who runs a hardware store... Hiromitsu: and has a goblet tattooed on his shoulder...

Hiromitsu: Then, Tomori-san, who has a laundromat... Hiromitsu: and has on his upper arm a tattoo of Kannon, alias the Guanyin...

Hiromitsu: And the clerk of the motorbike shop who has a scorpion tattooed on the back of his neck... Hiromitsu: If I remember well, he’s called Monobe-san...

Hiromitsu: But it's simply impossible for the murderer to be in Tokyo and not in Nagano... Hiromitsu: and, what's more, for him to coincidentally be in my surroundings... Isn't it? Matsuda: We went and questioned those three people, y'know?

Hiromitsu: Wha...?! Matsuda: Ain't that right? Hagiwara: Bullseye. Date: We all split up... Furuya: Since it's for your revenge, Hiro!

Hiromitsu: Hold on a second, though... How'd you know I'm looking for the murderer who killed my parents, in the first place? Matsuda: Of course we’d know. Matsuda: You were always looking up “Nagano Couple Slaughter Case” on the internet over and over... Hagiwara: Although it is the first time we hear in detail about the tattoo and the murderer's behaviour.

Furuya: Well then, let's start with the squad leader, who was in charge of dealing with Irie-san. Date: He's a silent person, so having him spit something out was a whole pain in the butt...

Date: His name is Irie Sumio. He is forty-six years old and lives along with his wife. Date: He set up a hardware store in this city fourteen years ago. Date: He's a taciturn, unfriendly guy, but he's peerless when it comes to sharpening knives... That's his reputation in the neighbourhood.

Date: His shoulder tattoo is from 10 years ago... He tattooed the championship cup from when he won a ping-pong tournament hosted by the neighbourhood association. Matsuda: Ten years ago...? Date: Yes. I also checked on it with Tomori-san, whom he was paired with back then, so there's no doubt about it.

Date: After that, he told his wife something about horses and flowers, or something... Hiromitsu: You mean... Hiromitsu: He told her to “hose down the flowers”?

Date: Yes! That's it! Hiromitsu: In Nagano dialect, “giving” is often replaced with “hosing”! Hagiwara: Hold up! If that's the case...

Matsuda: But if he got his tattoo done ten years ago, the figures just don't add up, do they? Furuya: Then, Let's move on to Tomori-san, whom Hagi talked to...

Hagiwara: His full name is Tomori Hajime. He is fifty years old and lives alone. Hagiwara: Originally, his laundromat was run by an uncle of his, but he ended up straining himself... Hagiwara: so he planned to help him out till he was dismissed from the hospital, but he ended up continuing even after he passed away... Which brings us here... Apparently.

Hagiwara: He tattooed the Kannon, alias the Guanyin, on his upper arm when, 20 years ago, he lost his wife and mother at the same time in a traffic accident... Hagiwara: He apparently did it in order to mourn the two of them...

Hagiwara: He's also got a reputation in the neighbourhood as a repairman. Hagiwara: Since he came out of some college's engineering department, it seems he used to repair simple electric appliances. Hagiwara: A tad like you, right, Jinpei-chan?

Hagiwara: He paired with Irie-san because he's a friend who comes from his same town... That's what he said. Furuya: If he got his tattoo twenty years ago, he did already have it fifteen years ago... Furuya: but a picture of the Kannon doesn't look like a goblet at all, no matter how you look at it...

Matsuda: Actually, speaking of goblet look-alikes, we have that motorbike shop clerk. Matsuda: His name is Monobe Shuuzou and he is thirty-five years old. Matsuda: He has a scorpion tattooed behind his neck, which is the logo of a group he used to be part of back when he was a rascal...

Matsuda: whose name is, in fact, Scorpion Glass! Hagiwara: So he rather modeled it after a goblet!

Matsuda: He said he got it tattooed when he was twenty, so I guess it kind of could barely fit...? Hagiwara: It's located behind the neck, though... Matsuda: Same as Tomori-san, he also lives alone.

Hagiwara: Huh? What's the matter, you two? Date: I don't know, there was just something... Furuya: Yeah, me too...

Hiromitsu: ... Matsuda: What's with you, Morofushi? Matsuda: You, too?

Hiromitsu: Yeah, well... Recently I phoned my older brother to tell him what I remembered about the case anyway, and... [Komei: Haste makes waste...]

[Komei: Don't be in a hurry to seek success by consulting me without sufficient forethought. Komei: The place you were hidden in was not a store cupboard, but a closet equipped with kannon-biraki, alias double doors opening from the centre. Komei: That house was in Western-style, so it didn't have any Japanese store cupboards or sliding screens in the first place.]

Hiromitsu: That's what he told me. Hiromitsu: I'm sure I was in a cupboard, though... Furuya: Maybe aren't you mixing it up with your relatives' house here in Tokyo you were entrusted to?

Furuya: Since that house was Japanese-styled, and, conversely, only had sliding screens and cupboards... Hiromitsu: T-That could be...

Matsuda: If that were the case... Matsuda: wouldn't it be strange, though?

Matsuda: If you had been hiding in a closet with kannon-biraki double doors... Matsuda: then its door should've got shut when the murderer banged into it after tripping up...

Hagiwara: That's true... And in order to see the killer clutching his shoulder afterwards... Hagiwara: you would've had to open the shutter of the closet by yourself...

Matsuda: You... You opened the door in that situation? Hiromitsu: No way I could! Date: Then couldn't it be that the gap you were peeking out from...

Date: wasn't vertical but horizontal...? Date: The slit in the closet... Date: would allow you to look outside with the shutter closed, wouldn't it?

Onizuka: It's almost four o'clock... Onizuka: Maybe I should go check on those chaps a bit...

*rattle* Onizuka: Huh?

Onizuka: Hey, hey, hey... Onizuka: The dressing room is still dirty as hell?

Onizuka: Hey, you bums! You only have an hour left, y'know? Onizuka: As it is, you'll never make it in... *creak*

Onizuka: Hold on...

Onizuka: They're gone!

[Vertical and horizontal... The five have noticed something. Continued in the next issue.] [Continues in SS #50]

[ohhophelie]

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Ophélie Evangeline Redgrave

Nickname: O, Fee

Birthday: 31 July 1992

Age: 28

Gender: Female.

Place of Birth: London, United Kingdom

Places Lived Since: London, United Kingdom; Saint-Malo, Ille-et-Vilaine, France

Current Residence: Kensington, London, United Kingdom

Nationality: British & French

Parents: Lambert & Sérephine Redgrave, née Callac

Grandparents: Harold Redgrave (grandfather, paternal, deceased)  Hélène de Broglie (grandmother, paternal, deceased) Aurélien Callac (grandfather, maternal) Ophélie Hervé (grandmother, maternal)

Aunts & Uncles: Charlotte, Georgina Redgrave (aunts, paternal) Anita Acton (aunt, paternal)

Number of Siblings: Three brothers; Sébastian Redgrave (38), Arnaud Redgrave (36), Gaël Redgrave (32)

Relationship With Family: Ophélie is closest to Gaël, her other two brothers see her mostly as the family fuck up although they all feel somewhat protective of her as the youngest. This was particularly meaningful during the wild years of her teens when an attention starved Ophélie might find herself in places or situations she was likely too young for, they were mostly all still at home and willing to come collect her from wherever and keep her secrets from their parents. Her father has always been distant, she sometimes fears he’d rather forget she existed. Her mother is overbearing and critical - after three boys she thought Ophélie was at long last the daughter who’d belong only to her, a little doll to shape as she wished. She was very wrong.

Happiest Memory: The freedom and acceptance she finally found in university, the Christmas and New Years she spent with Gaël in New York when spent a year at NYU.  

Childhood Trauma: oh boy - see this answer HERE

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5'4”

Weight: 110lbs.

Build: Slim - some might say too skinny

Hair Color: Blonde.

Usual Hair Style: loose curls, a careless, practiced ease. Sometimes she wears it up if she's bored enough, high ponytail when she runs

Eye Color: Blue.

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): Expensive as fuck - if she had to choose a ‘style’ it would be classic. She isn’t conservative in the least bit, but she also isn’t one to go into more out there fashions - that is Gaël lane. She tends to favor dresses and skirts and more feminine looks. Ophélie caught in jeans is a very rare Ophélie. When she is home alone she is usually wearing a thin robe or some form of lingerie/pjs  

Typical Style of Shoes: Ophélie does not like to wear shoes. However, given that going barefoot is usually frowned upon in society, she can usually be found in heels that match whatever she may be wearing. If she is very close with someone she will take her shoes off the moment she enters their home, and at her own flat can always be found barefoot.

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: She has both of her earlobes pierced, as expected. At one point she had a cartilage piercing, but she long ago forgot to keep it open. Unbeknownst to her mother and most of her family, she has both of her nipples pierced. Ophélie will say to anyone who knows that these are her favorite piercings. She has a tattoo of a scorpion on the nape of her neck. Everyday jewellery includes a heavy men’s watch that belonged to her grandfather, whatever earrings she fancies on any given day, as well as rings. The one ring she wears at all times is made up of three interlocking circles - when she is anxious or focusing on something Ophélie spins this around her finger.

Scars: She has a scar on her shin from falling off a horse as a child. The most recent additions include a thin line across her chest/sternum and a nearly perfect large C in the center of her back - she plans on adjusting that soon.

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: When she is focusing, Ophélie will twist her ring around her finger. She has the tendency to curl her hands into fists and dig her nails into her palms. She also chews on her bottom lip, which has caused a significant investment in longwear lipstick.

Athleticism: Ophélie grew up playing tennis with her brother Gaël and got into running in her teens. She never does any actual races mostly because she couldn’t be bothered and also way too many people near her. It’s mostly a way for her to focus her own mind/punish her body.

Health Problems/Illnesses: She absolutely has an eating disorder from the unrealistic expectations of her mother when she was growing up. It is something she has struggled with most of her life that her friends are likely unaware of. Ophélie also has undiagnosed ADHD, PTSD, addiction issues that are yet to be explored.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: BSc in Politics and Philosophy from LSE - it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to study but a compromise that got her parents off her back. If possible she’d want to go back to school for linguistics or art history.

Languages Spoken: English & French natively, Spanish fluently. Functionally fluent in Italian, a lingering understanding of Latin from prep school. She has a very good ear for languages and dialects and can pick them up quickly.

Level of Self-Esteem: Fluctuates between “I hate myself I’m such a bitch” and “I love myself I’m such a bitch.” No in between.

Gifts/Talents: Very good at languages and remembering things she’s heard if she cares enough to focus, weirdly good at crossword puzzles if she has the patience, has the ability to come off as unthreatening and use it to manipulate people.

Mathematical?: Hell no, she absolutely cheated her way through math and she is not at all sorry about it.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Emotions, particularly whims. She does have a vindictive streak and while that is based on emotions she can adapt logic to her purposes is.

Life Philosophy: live fast die young bad girls do it well. No joking, she doesn’t really have one or doesn’t like to consider it, but if we had to define it, somewhere along the lines of ‘never let them see you cry’ IDK TBD

Religious Stance: Was raised Anglican, not really about it. Enjoys the art and melodrama of the catholic church.

Cautious or Daring?: Daring, boarding on reckless, she has the arrogant privilege of the very wealthy, that they are untouchable and almost immortal.

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Her mother, people trying to lessen her or force her to be something she is not, her eating disorder/body image

Optimist or Pessimist?: says she's an optimist, mostly because she doesn’t let herself project any other way; deep down is def a pessimist mostly out of self preservation and years of building up armor

Extrovert or Introvert?: Extrovert.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: fucking her way through the french bros/leadership

Sexual Orientation: bisexual in that she is attracted to all beautiful women and men who are older, dangerous, and low key damaged.

Past Relationships: Only real/serious relationship was with Charles Jameson (alexa play champagne problems by taylor swift)

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: being caught cheating whoops

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: boredom, afraid of getting to close

Ever Cheated?: yep, and if not for the way he reacted she might actually feel guilty about it.

Been Cheated On: not that she knows of

Level of Sexual Experience: very high and no she will not be slutshamed thank you very much

Story of First Kiss: A boy she met while staying with her grandmother in France. She was 11 and kissed him on a dare.

Story of Loss of Virginity: She’d just turned 14 but told him she was older, it was mediocre at best but she loved the rush of power she felt when she turned him down the next time.

A Social Person?: Very - she literally wouldn’t be able to do her job so well if she wasn’t. Plus shes a slut for attention and once you cross the threshold between casual friends and very close friends - she’s loyal as fuck.

Most Comfortable Around: Paul for sure, although she feels safe and comfortable with most of the frenchies she knows well - Noa, Laurent, Guillaume, Delphine, Sofie - its Paul she goes to first, her ride or die bitch. Outside of the French she feels comfortable around Spencer, shockingly, and within the family it's only Gaël who she feels she can even be remotely herself around.

Oldest Friend: Camilla Berkeley, her brother Gaël. Most of the people she knew through grade school and her teens she grew bored of or dropped for Paul and the French.

How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: Dancing right on the knife’s edge between hot and hot mess; a fuck up; shallow and vain. For those who know her well she often fears they think she might be stupid or reckless, not as devoted as she actually is.

How Do Others Actually Perceive Her?: Literally dancing right on the knife’s edge between hot and hot mess. Those closest to her often think she’s smarter than she herself does, hopefully they also value and recognize her deep loyalty. All should think she's a great time.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: To be happy and find something and someone that makes her happy.

Dreams: That she will stop letting the negligence and cruelty of her parents - mostly mother, hurt her. That she will matter to someone, be loved and wanted for exactly who she is and not who they think she should be or who she pretends to be.

Greatest Fears: Being abandoned by those she loves,  being hurt by those who should care for her, never being seen for who she is. Horses - she had a bad fall as a child and doesn’t trust them.

Most Ashamed Of: The walls she builds out of self preservation, lying to her brother when he only wants to help her.

Secret Hobbies: Puzzles - the more pieces and complex the better. It isn’t really that much of a secret because there is usually one in progress on the unused dining room table. Collecting first editions of her favorite books - it's a secret because she is usually too impatient to find a better deal or negotiate and will literally pay whatever the seller asks for it, usually above what it is worth.

Crimes Committed (Was she caught? Charged?): She has never been caught or charged, but possession with intent to distribute multiple illegal drugs, selling said drugs for organized crime. There was also that one time that she may or may not have led a man to his death, which although she has done her best to block this memory, would likely make her an accessory to murder.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Both really,  but that's the insomnia and stimulant usage.

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: light sleeper when she’s alone, heavy if she’s sleeping with someone she trusts

Favorite Animal: penguins

Favorite Foods: strawberries, champagne,

Least Favorite Food: anything mint

Favorite Book: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

Least Favorite Book: any of the myriad of self help books well meaning psychiatrists have suggested

Favorite Movie: Heathers, Jurassic Park  

Least Favorite Movie: emotional porn - aka any movie specifically designed to make you cry without any profound or complicated themes other than ‘life is short’

Favorite Song: Kyoto by Phoebe Bridgers

Favorite Sport: she’s a tennis bitch for sure

Coffee or Tea?: coffee although she does like tea

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Ophélie is allergic to peanuts rip  

Type of Car She Drives: lol no one let this bitch drive

Lefty or Righty?: Left

Favorite Color: the champagne sheer of the sun pushing through the curtains in an early morning, baby pink of her favorite peonies, rich red velvet of box seats at the opera, the soft golden grey of art museum marble floors.

Cusser?: Yep - but controls it around her family because she doesn't have the patience or stamina for the lecture/scandal it would cause her mother.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: Never smokes, drinks pretty often, regular cocaine use since her teens, a more recent venture into pills.

Biggest Regret: Letting it go on so long with Charles, the fact that she still lets her mother’s cruelty hurt her, not going to school for what she actually was interested in.

Pets: two italian greyhounds named Pogo & Banana

[eatsockss]

Irondad and SteveTony Fic Recs!!

I decided to do a fic rec list bc i always see them and am So Grateful for them, esp rn bc everybody’s quarantined so what else is there to do but read fanfic. these are some of my favorite fics/some of the fics I read recently and just have open in safari rn. they’re mostly angst or whump ngl bc that’s my favorite but,,,, enjoy!

Irondad

ever in your favor by @iron--spider

Summary: Peter startles awake when someone shakes him. “Sorry, honey,” May says. Peter blinks a couple times and she comes into focus, her hair pulled back from her face. She’s trying not to look a certain way, but he can see it in her eyes anyway. She clears her throat, keeps talking. “But it’s…” She glances away, wets her lips. “You gotta get ready.” He remembers what day it is, and his heart beats like a drum at someone’s execution. But he tries to put on a mask, make it all seem normal. It’s everything but, despite the fact that he’s been dealing with reaping day since he was born, between himself, Ben and May. That fear that one of them could be taken away. Sent to surefire slaughter. But now Ben is gone, taken despite never having his name drawn from a bowl, and May’s finally safe. Now Peter’s name is in there alone. The last Parker sitting on the chopping block. He doesn’t know how to be. He doesn’t know what normal is, when the Hunger Games are looming on the horizon.

Note: this is probably my favorite ever irondad fic so like ,,, ummm ,,, Please read this

lay your weary head to rest by @the-great-escapism

Summary: “Please.” He means to say it loudly, with confidence, but it comes out as nothing more than a raspy whisper. His ears are ringing painfully, and his head feels like it’s going to explode. It hurts and hurts and hurts. “M-May,” Peter cries out to no one, feeling like a child. “Tony. Please, ‘m so tired.” He inhales and chokes on his tears. He can’t tell if it’s his imagination or not, but he’s pretty sure he hears a laugh. In which Peter gets kidnapped, and that's not even the worst part. The worst part is he's not allowed to sleep.

Priorities by JLMonroe1234

Summary: Tony had been in the cave for a month. Waiting. Planning. Healing. Biding his time until his creation would be ready and durable enough to get him home. With Yinsen's help and Tony's expertise, he would save them both. But when an injured teenager is brought into the mix, Tony must reevaluate his priorities and decide what's more important; a speedy escape, or rescuing the boy with the spider tattoo?

Return to Normal by Singing_Sirens

Summary: On his first day back, he didn’t expect the stares. Well, he expected some stares, but he didn’t think the entire hallway would just… stop. But that’s what they did. They froze, jaws hanging open, eyes wide, as he lowered his head and curled in on himself. He pushed through the attention. He set his jaw and marched forward, because he had been through worse in the last year.

Patient by alifetime

Summary: Just because Tony has retired as an Avenger, does not mean he still doesn’t have a business to run with Pepper. Since both his oldest children cannot always babysit for Morgan, he hires a babysitter. Harley didn’t really know what to think of the babysitter, and always kept a protective eye on Morgan. But she had told him that Skip was nice. She always seems to be smiling and happy whenever Skip comes to stay. It didn’t filter his concern. So when he goes college, he demands that Peter keeps an eye on him. Peter liked Skip. Until he didn’t. However, he will do anything to keep his brother and sister safe.

Identity Theft by KitCat992

Summary: It's been months since the events of Civil War, and the Avengers are doing their best to remain a team, having promised to forgive and forget. Unfortunately for them, Tony Stark's latest invention has been stolen and recovering it causes tension to reappear. Meanwhile, in Queens, Peter Parker has two main priorities on his plate — complete his midterm finals, and track down a fishbowl wearing criminal that may or may not lead him right into the hands of the Avengers. Somehow between all of this, Spider-man's identity is revealed to the Avengers, Steve and Tony's friendship may permanently be damaged due to continued hidden secrets, and Happy struggles to buy a youth-sized casket for Peter's funeral. Things were a lot easier when they were fighting over Bucky Barnes. (Or: The Avengers welcome Peter into their crazy superhero family and will do anything to protect him.) Shameless Peter whump and Protective Tony Stark.

the second law of thermodynamics by fourleafchloe

Summary: It happens the same way it always does. (It's just discipline. It's not that bad. It's fine, Peter is fine, he'll be fine--) Except he really isn't fine, and Tony knows something's up, and Peter's house of cards is falling apart, and so the story goes. — separate from other fics in the series. a recovery story full of soft irondad, found families, and (eventually) tons of fluff.

Note: this is part of a series of separate irondad fics, each one of them is incredible, so go check out this entire series.

how can the body die? (you tell me, everything) by @madasthesea

Summary: Tony felt panic creep up his spine. Something was occurring to him, slowly percolating in the back of his mind. “You said the stinger got you. Is Scorpion’s stinger venomous?” “I don’t—” Peter cut off as he groaned, the muscles in his jaw tight. “I don’t know. He upgraded—he was faster. Bigger. I—I thought I could beat him.”

oh, darling. by luna_e_stelle

Summary: "Peter?" Tony’s voice wavered with an urgency that cut through the thick haze in Peter’s mind. There was so much emotion in that one word that Peter wondered how he had ever doubted that Tony loved him. They had never said it out loud, just showed it in a way that spoke louder than words ever could. — Peter is taken, and he tries to find his way back home.

whumptober series by @iron--spider

Summary: 10 fics that fulfill whumptober prompts (i could many choose one so just go read the whole series)

Pieces of Echoes by @geekymoviemom

Summary: this is like a rewrite of the MCU integrating most of the storylines So Seamlessly with SuperFamily. Amazing series.

uneasy lies the head by @tnyystark

Summary: Two thoughts come to Peter, both at a breakneck speed he can barely handle. One: the world now thinks he is responsible for the attack in London. And Prague. And Venice. And the murder - murder; as if the man is really dead; as if the universe is kind enough to let that happen - of Mysterio. And two: the world now knows who he is.

Long Shadows by Black_Briar

Summary: Peter comes into contact with a foreign substance on a mission, and things only get worse from there.

I’ll Be Your Home (Forever and Always) by ScarletPotter

Summary: Peter didn't plan on being kidnapped, it all just sorta, maybe, happened? Peter was on his way to meet Ned when suddenly everything goes dark. When he wakes up he's restrained to a table and a man introduces himself to be Quentin Beck, and that he's going to kill him.

god did not craft us as alters, but as dying gods by helloitisafellowgay

Summary: Peter Parker is not immune to trauma. Far from it, in fact. (With great power comes great responsibility, Peter.) So when the building collapses, when the dilapidated remains of metal and concrete, and later searing scraps of plane, fall around him? Well, this is practically nothing. Practically. He’s fine, really. It just gets a little hard to breathe sometimes. Like, when he follows Happy into Stark Tower through the parking garage. Or when he turns on the news while doing homework and sees reports of a plane crash. And sure, the small fire that broke out in the chemistry lab had sent his heart racing and caused sweat to bead on the back of his neck until even Ned asked if he was okay, but it’s nothing to worry about. Regardless, he knows where those come from. But this? In which Skip Westcott is a repressed memory, until he returns.

Note: favorite fic title!

Stony

my heart is driftwood, floating down your coast by @kapteniron

Summary: Tonight, there’s a stranger in his backseat. That’s not unusual. He’s also sad. That’s not unusual either. What is unusual is that the stranger is silent. (One night, a stranger enters Steve's taxi. Nothing is the same again.)

Forever Linked by ashes0909 and athletiger

Summary: Before the door even clicked shut, he opened his mouth to let the pink petals flutter to the ground. In the center of all this mess was a single rose, not yet bloomed, but Tony knew, deep down, what this meant. But they were only teammates for sure; nothing else will go further. — “You have Hanahaki?” she asked, barely more than a whisper. He fisted out the petal from his pocket and held it out to her. “If that’s what would cause this to come out of my throat.”

Steve Rogers’ Guide to Wooing Tony Stark by Tonks22

Summary: Steve tries to woo Tony. Steve is not very good at it. Tony is oblivious.

Blue Lips, Blue Veins by @romanoff

Summary: Tony Stark is Iron Man. Before that, he was an man with bigger heart than brain. Before that, he was an asshole with a bigger mouth than sense. And before that, he was was a scared little boy. Not that it matters. Stark's always have had iron in their backbone.

Note: this is more of a character study of Tony Stark but it’s Incredible. Cannot recommend this enough.

The Butterfly Effect by @itsallavengers

Summary: While fighting with Loki, Steve Rogers from 2012 hears the two simple words: "Bucky's alive." And the whole universe ripples with the aftershocks.

Going Steady by @itsallavengers

Summary: Steve has a soft spot for the sound of Tony's heart

Hide A Heart Of War by RayShippouUchiha

Summary: “You’ve got war in your heart boy,” Howard sneers, “don’t ever try and pretend to be anything but what you are.” Tony feels the familiar burn of a flower mark being etched into his skin but he doesn’t look, doesn’t try and check to see what it is. Instead he keeps his eyes on Howard and his hands cupped around his bleeding mouth and nose.

Note: this is technically Stuckony but,,, it’s rly good so it’s going on the list.

Assorted

a primer for the small weird loves by babyloveparkner

Summary: “What are you—?” “Hold on,” Peter says, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration as the pen moves across the page. He rips out another page, then seems to grow frustrated and just opens up his notebook to start writing in it rather than stealing pages out of it. Harley feels stuck, flabbergasted and frozen, and he doesn’t know how long he sits there and watches before Peter lets out a huff and finally leans back, satisfaction in his eyes as he hands it all to Harley, all the scribbled writing and torn pages. “Read these.” Harley blinks once, slow, as he takes the offered notebook with the ripped out papers on top. “What…?” And Peter just smiles and shrugs. “They’re poems,” he says. “I looked some up, wrote down the good parts. Maybe those’ll give you that hopeful feeling that you were looking for.” or: harley runs from a homophobic town and finds solace in poetry and peter parker

the spider-man conspiracy by @tempestaurora

Summary: WHO IS SPIDER-MAN? The screen showed Peter Parker, sixteen years old and determined to prove the identity of Spider-Man over the course of the three-part documentary he was making, unknowing that it would become viral within days of the first part being released. Behind the camera, way off screen, was Harley Keener, Tony Stark’s other prodigy child, grinning like crazy as Peter started the documentary. Only a few people knew what was to come, and those few people were about to have a great few weeks. “My name is Peter Parker, and with the help of my friends, Ned Leeds, Harley Keener, and my Aunt, May Parker, who provided me with a lot of red yarn for this project, we’re going to uncover the identity of Spider-Man.” OR "what if peter just decided to fuck with everyone who didn’t know he was spider man and make a documentary about him trying to uncover the Truth."

5 times Tony kissed Rhodey and the one time Rhodey kissed back by lomku

Summary: Exactly what it says in the title.

Note: I wish I had more Ironhusband fics to rec bc i love them but they aren’t as abundant as Stony fics and the ones i’ve read most recently are Stony.

[kathyprior4200]

Huntara: Warrior of Justice fanfic (in progress)

(1985) (From the Wiki GraySkull page)

Huntara is a member of the Silaxians, a group of skilled hunters, trappers, and warriors dedicated to fighting evil. Huntara was at first convinced by Hordak that She-Ra and the Rebellion were evil by showing her false videos. He sent her to fight and capture She-Ra after his minions had failed to do so. Huntara insisted that she fight She-Ra alone and later lured her into a trap by capturing Glimmer. She then told She-Ra to meet her at the Crimson Waste to fight, leaving a message with Garv the Innkeeper. She-Ra eventually won the long battle, disarming Huntara. Following the Silaxian code of honor, Huntara turned herself over to She-Ra as a slave, but She-Ra told her that she did not keep slaves. Eventually, Huntara realized that Hordak had deceived her. Though Huntara released Glimmer from prison, the three were knocked out and taken to the Fright Zone. While there, Hordak planned to throw her in the dungeon for failing to capture She-Ra. However, Huntara used her smoke bombs to escape and free She-Ra and Glimmer. The group soon fled the fortress. Huntara later boarded her space ship to fly home, saying that the next time they would meet, it would be as friends.

Originally, Huntara was also supposed to be in another episode called "The Silaxian Wars" but it never went into production.

Under a dark golden sky filled with smoke and pollution, a spidery array of metal made up what was known as the Fright Zone. Orange lava colored light glowed through several openings and the structure as a whole resembled a twisted factory of sorts. The bat symbol of the Horde was prominent against circular red light on the structure.

Inside the building, Lord Hordak had finished watching a holographic video of the recent battle on a screen. Beside Hordak in her usual scarlet cloak was the dark sorceress Shadow Weaver. Hordak’s tall metal throne turned around to face his minions, who were standing nervously at attention at the bottom of the stairs.

“Well,” he said, “You’ve all seen the hollowed out pictures of your pitiful attempts at taking She-Ra. What do you have to say for yourselves?”

A hairy gorilla-like minion by the name of Grizzlor stood in the back next to a reptile minion named Leech. Mantenna, a minion with an orange snake-like head with big flappy ears looked utterly terrified. Scorpia, a woman with pinchers for hands, short orange hair, a black outfit and a long scorpion tail, glared at him and he shrunk back in fear. Catra stood a fair distance away in her usual tattered red dress and cat shaped headpiece, her hair long and dark. All of them were wearing uniforms with the red bat symbol of the Horde on them.

Hordak was not pleased.

“What? Not one among you has an excuse?”

Just then, his small blue imp pet laughed. “What a bunch of wimps, huh boss?”

Catra growled with a meow in her voice. “I’d like to turn that imp into a door knocker.”

“I’d be glad to help you,” Scorpia added.

“Silence!” ordered Hordak. “Forged science and magic have turned you into the greatest force squad ever to destroy a planet…”

“The greatest!” Imp added, jumping into the air.

“…and yet, all of you together cannot beat a single woman.”

“Yeah, a single woman!” Imp mimicked, landing his blue fist down like Hordak did.

“You’re all fools!”

“Fools!”

“Dolts!”

“Dolts!”

Hordak didn’t seem to mind that Imp was repeating what he said.

In fact, Hordak praised the troublemaking creature next. “Why can’t you all be more like Imp here? He knows how to get a job done!”

Imp grinned with pride.

Leech and Grizzlor looked on with glares.

“Being more like him?” Leech asked through a series of slurps. “What a depressing thought.”

“Now, where was I?” Hordak asked to himself.

“I believe you were talking about dolts,” Shadow Weaver mentioned.

“Right, dolts!” Hordak exclaimed. “Thanks to your failures, Horde Prime is displeased. And I don’t like it when the ruler of Horde world is displeased. It’s time to bring in someone more competent. That’s why I contact the planet of Silax.”

“Silax?” Shadow Weaver asked in surprise. “That’s not part of the Horde Empire!”

“No,” Hordak replied. “In fact, they don’t really know much about us. But I know about them. Silaxians are the greatest warriors, hunters, and trappers in the universe, and I’ve sent for their very best to handle She-Ra for us.”

“When does this outsider arrive?” Catra asked suspiciously.

“Today. And if she succeeds, you’ll spend the rest of your time here cleaning garbage bins…with very tiny brushes!”

Hordak laughed evilly at the sight of Catra and Scorpia’s looks of horror and disgust.

 Meanwhile at the Rebellion camp, Adora and her friends were relaxing outside by a campfire.

“Ah, it’s been awfully quiet lately,” Bow mentioned, his hair orange and body muscular.

Kowl, an owl-like creature hovered nearby. “Yes. What’s wrong with that? I like things quiet and peaceful.”

Adora walked over, her hair thick and blonde. “So do I. But I get worried when the Horde isn’t trying to make our lives miserable.”

“Well I say let’s enjoy ourselves while we can,” said Kowl.

Adora paused in thought. “Maybe you’re right, Kowl. If the Horde is planning something, we’ll know soon enough.”

  Later on that day, a sleek slender spacecraft landed on a metal pod close to the building in the Fright Zone. Hordak and Shadow Weaver watched the ship land and the top window open.

“Now we will see if what they say about these Silaxians is true,” said Hordak.

A lavender-skinned muscular woman appeared from the silver metallic spaceship, with a long white braid of hair down her back.

“I am Huntara,” said a low gruff voice. The woman removed her black face mask, revealing her lavender face, white hair and mostly bald forehead. Her forehead was wide and militaristic in appearance. Three lines were tattooed over both sides of her face, like tribal symbols. She wore blue armor shoulder pads, a black thick bra and dark undergarments. Gold gauntlets protected her arms. She also wore blue armored boots and a high blue pocketed skirt.

“Which one of you is Hordak?” she asked.

“I am Hordak,” he said. “Welcome to Etheria, Huntara. It is a great honor to…”

“I’m not here for pretty speeches,” Huntara interrupted before leaping from her ship and landing gracefully on the metal ground. “You have asked for help. I am here to give you that help. But first, you must prove to me that this She-Ra is as evil…as you say.”

“She-Ra, evil?” asked Leech.

“I thought we were the evil ones,” Grizzlor added.

“Oooh she’s evil alright,” Hordak lied. “…and I’ve got the proof. If you’ll just allow my troopers to escort you to my throne room, I’ll show it to you.”

“Very well. Let us go,” said Huntara, proceeding to leave by herself.

Shadow Weaver looked at Hordak.  “How can you convince her that She-Ra is as evil as you say?”

Hordak replied. “I’ve had some false hollowed in pictures made. They make She-Ra look totally evil. Huntara will believe them, even if they are all lies.” He laughed evilly.

  In the throne room, the video clips showed a Horde convoy of metal vehicles moving on a path by a green field.

 Hordak lied, “This convoy was carrying medicine to a village beset by plane. She-Ra and her rebels attacked it. She destroyed it completely.”

The screen showed Bow and the others charging forward. Soon, one of the convoy cars flipped over and exploding. She-Ra threw another into the air, causing it to explode on the ground.

“…and without the medicine, all the people of the village grew sick.”

Huntara placed her fingers on her chin in thought. “She is powerful.”

“Yes,” said Hordak. “Now look at this.”

The screen switched to show a village burning and people running for cover. The roofs on the houses were on fire and villagers scattered in every direction. She-Ra appeared with a small smirk.

Hordak lied some more, “This was a town that refused to join She-Ra’s Rebellion. She ordered it burned to the ground.”

“I don’t remember She-Ra doing all that,” Grizzlor pointed out.

“Now here…”

“I have seen enough, Hordak,” Huntara cut in. “I will battle this She-Ra.”

Hordak grinned. “Excellent!”

“But there is a condition.”

“Name it.”

“The battle must be between me and She-Ra alone. None of your hordes men must interfere.”

Hordak was taken aback, “Are you sure? You’ve seen just how strong she is.  

Huntara glared coldly. “She-Ra and me alone. That is the way of the warriors of Silax.”

Hordak reluctantly nodded as Huntara walked away. “If that’s the way you want it. But how will you get She-Ra to accept your challenge?”

“Has she any friends?” she asked.

Hordak stood up. “As a matter of fact she has many.” Then he stuttered, covering up his lie, following her. “Oh of course, they’re all as evil as she is, but she is loyal to them.”

Thus Huntara found out about the members of the Rebellion and one member in particular, Glimmer.

Catra growled again. “I don’t like that woman.”

Scorpia glared back at her. “As much as I hate to agree with you, I agree with you.”

 (Glimmer flies in a yellow butterfly shaped plane. Huntara spies on her through binoculars at her ship.)

Huntara: “At last. The bait I have chosen for my trap leaves her nest. Now to catch her.”

(Huntara chases after her in her silver slender spaceship).

(Glimmer gasps “What?!” as Huntara fires green lasers at her ship)

Glimmer: “I don’t know who that is, but they won’t get me so easily.”

(Glimmer flies around behind Huntara’s ship)

Huntara: “A smart move. But my tail beamers will bring her down.”

(Cockpit screen beeps as it locks onto her target. The back beams fire, making impact with Glimmer’s ship. The ship falls and crashes.)

(Glimmer slowly gets up.) Glimmer: “That was not one of my better landings.”

(Huntara stands over her, looking down.)

Huntara: “Now, all that’s left is to deliver my challenge to She-Ra.”

(Huntara captures Glimmer and holds her in a glass capsule)

 Back at the Rebellion camp, She-Ra makes plans with Bow, pointing to maps.

Bow: “The next Horde tax collector, should come through here.”

Adora: “We’d better start planning.”

Grav the Innkeeper: “Adora! Adora…a woman came into the inn and demanded I bring you this.”

(Adora holds a black device in her hand)

Grav: “Yes, she said it was for She-Ra and if she doesn’t get it, Glimmer will be in great danger.”

She-Ra: “Who was this woman?”

Grav: “I’ve never seen her before but I will tell you this…she made my blood run cold.”

Adora: “Oh thank you Garv. We’ll get this to She-Ra.”

Adora: “I think we’d better take a look at this message.”

Bow: “But if it’s for She-Ra?”

Adora: “If Glimmers in danger, I don’t think She-Ra will object.”

(Adora presses a button, activating the message. Holographic images of Huntara appears)

 Huntara sends a message to She-Ra.

“I am Huntara. Listen well, She-Ra. I have your friend, Glimmer. This device you see is a dimensional transporter. If you do not meet me in battle by the time the sun is at its highest, I will use it to send Glimmer to a place from which she will never return. We will meet at Tomb Rock in the Crimson Waste. You must come alone. If you bring help or fail to come, Glimmer will pay the price. Defeat me and I promise she will go free. Until we cross swords. Farewell, evil one.”

Bow: “Evil one? That’s something coming from the member of the Horde.”

Adora: “She doesn’t look like a member of the Horde. But whether she is or isn’t, we need She-Ra right away.”

 Meanwhile in Scorpia’s lair in the desert…

(Scorpia and Catra argue)

Scorpia: “Hmph! Why should I?”

Catra: “If Huntara beats She-Ra, we’ll all be cleaning garbage bins!”

Scorpia: “You have a point there. Alright, what’s your plan?”

Catra: “We’ll take your Crawler, and watch the battle from hiding. Then we’ll take care of whoever wins.”

Scorpia: “Very well. I don’t like you much, but I’d rather have you as the Force Captain than that arrogant witch Huntara.”

 Adora: “For the honor of Grayskull!”

(Adora transforms into She-Ra)

“I am She-Ra!”

(Spirit transforms into SwiftWind)

  She-Ra: “There’s Tomb Rock. Fly low, and I’ll drop off.”

SwiftWind: “Please be careful.”

She-Ra: “I will be.”

(She-Ra lands safely on the ledge.)

 (She-Ra and Huntara get ready to fight in the desert)

She-Ra: “Huntara, I’m here.”

Huntara: “Welcome, She-Ra. I am Huntara.”

(Huntara stands above on a ledge)

Huntara: “Hordak was right. As evil as you are, you still come to help a friend.”

She-Ra: “Hordak? Listen, I don’t know what he’s told you but…”

Huntara: “Spare me your lies, town burner. Our battle will begin in those hills.”

(She points to the hills to the right)

She-Ra: “Fighting doesn’t solve anything.  If you’ll only tell me why you’re doing this…”

Huntara: “Huh. (scoffs) So you are something of a coward. I should have expected it. But this is one fight you cannot avoid.”

She-Ra: “If you’re so eager to fight, let’s start right here.”

(She-Ra jumps, flips in the air and lands on the ledge, facing Huntara)

Huntara: “You take…opportunity quickly. I good trait for a warrior.”

(Huntara takes out a silver sphere from her pocket and throws it at She-Ra. She-Ra is blinded by the flash grenade and Huntara escapes. She-Ra looks around.)

She-Ra: “She’s gone.”

Huntara: “The hills, She-Ra. I will see you in the hills.”

(Huntara leaps away)

She-Ra: “She’s clever. I can’t let her get too far ahead.”

(She-Ra leaps after her. She flips in mid-air and lands on the sandy ground. Huntara runs off, with She-Ra following.)

 (Catra and Scorpia watch from their scorpion tank)

Scorpia; “It’s started!”

Catra: “Quick, let’s follow them!”

 Huntara: “Come on, She-Ra…just a little farther…”

(She-Ra walks on the ground)

She-Ra: “She’s got to be around here somewhere.”

(Huntara watches from above and pulls out another device from her blue pocket. The device is round and she pushes a button, which jets out spikes)

Huntara: “My exploder star will take out the trap.”

(Huntara throws the device at the rocks. The star explodes against the rock, which soon collapses.

She-Ra: “An avalanche!”

(She-Ra is buried under the rocky rubble)

Huntara: “Can she be trapped so easily? Perhaps I overestimated her strength.”

(Huntara soon looks in surprise as She-Ra flies from the rubble and sits on a rubble arch.)

She-Ra: “What’s the matter, Huntara? Never seen an instant tunnel before?”

Huntara: “You are a worthy opponent. But I am even better.”

She-Ra: “Prove it!”

(Huntara throws a blue bomb, which She-Ra avoids and jumps out of the way. She flips and lands safely on the ledge)

She-Ra: “Phew.”

(She-Ra looks around)

She-Ra: “She’s gone again. But where?”

(She-Ra spots a figure in the distance)

She-Ra: “There she is. And it looks like she’s got another little ambush planned. But this time, I’ll surprise her!”

(She-Ra leaps from the ledge at a standing black hooded figure)

She-Ra: “Ha!...”

(She-Ra holds nothing but a black cloth in her hand)

She-Ra: “Why, nothing but a trick!”

(Cage walls enclose her)

She-Ra: “This cage won’t hold me.”

Huntara: “It will hold you long enough for my sleep gas to affect you.”

(Huntara pulls out another silver sphere)

She-Ra: “Got to move fast!”

(She-Ra thrusts herself against the cage, moving it and herself over to the side. The device explodes in the previous spot. The cage breaks and she is free.)

She-Ra: “That was close. She’s got more tricks than my brother’s friend Orko.”

(Glimmer bangs on the glass)

Glimmer: “Why are you doing this?”

Huntara: “Your leader, She-Ra, is evil, and the way of Silax is dedicated to fighting evil.”

Glimmer: “She-Ra’s not evil. It’s the Horde who’s evil.”

Huntara: “Your lies cannot affect me. I have seen the proof of She-Ra’s foul deeds.”

Glimmer: “Wait! Come back!”

(She-Ra looks at Glimmer and hides behind a pillar of rock)

She-Ra: “There’s Glimmer. But where’s Huntara? I smell a trap.”

(She-Ra walks up to Glimmer)

She-Ra: “Have you free in a minute, Glimmer.”

(Glimmer points above)

Glimmer: “She-Ra! Look out!”

(Huntara leaps down from a ledge)

Huntara: “You’ve come far, evil one. But this is the end.”

(Huntara takes out two glowing green swords)

Huntara: “My stun swords will fail you, and then I’ll deliver you to Hordak.”

(She-Ra ducks from her attacks. She-Ra jumps backward and flips in the air.)

Huntara: “You were lucky that time, She-Ra. But I’m not through yet!”

She-Ra: “Sword to rope!”

(Sword turns into thick white rope. She-Ra tosses the rope at Huntara, which pulls the swords from her hands.)

Huntara: “Impossible!”

(She-Ra throws the rope again, which binds Huntara)

Glimmer: “All right She-Ra! You got her!”

(Huntara pulls another device out, but She-Ra pulls her forward with the rope, the device falling from her hands. He head is downcast in defeat. She-Ra’s rope turns back into the sword.)

She-Ra: “It’s over, Huntara. You’re beaten.”

Huntara: “Never have I been defeated by an evil one. You are a great warrior, She-Ra. By the code of Silax, I am now your slave.”

She-Ra: “The Horde takes slaves. I don’t. As far as I’m concerned, you’re free to go, right after you release Glimmer.”

Huntara: “I don’t understand. You do not seem evil, and yet Hordak said…”

She-Ra: “He lied to you. I told you that, but you wouldn’t listen.”

Huntara: “Can it be? Have I been tricked so easily/”

She-Ra: “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Hordak is a master of lies.”

(Huntara looks apologetic)

Huntara: “I have wronged you, She-Ra and shamed myself. But I swear to you, Hordak will pay for this treachery. Come. Let us free your friend.”

(Glimmer is freed)

Glimmer: “She-Ra, look!”

(Crawler arrives with Catra and Scorpia. The device fires sleeping gas, which knocks out the three of them.)

Scorpia: “My scorpion sting cannon put them all to sleep!”

Catra: “I knew we couldn’t trust that Huntara! Let’s get them back to the Fright Zone, quick!”

At the Fright Zone, Glimmer and She-Ra are held in a golden force, while Huntara talks to Hordak with two robots on either side. Her hands are cuffed together.

Huntara: “You lied to me, Hordak. She-Ra is not evil.”

Hordak: “Foolish woman! Your childish sense of fair play has no place here on Etheria. Take her to the dungeons. We’ll let her rot for a while.” (laughs)

(Huntara pulls out a device and throws it forward. A smoke grenade allows her to escape)

Catra: “She’s gone!”

Hordak: “Nincompoops, bunglers!”

Huntara: “I must free She-Ra and Glimmer.”

(Huntara throws an exploding star at the top of the device, making the orange energy disappear.)

She-Ra: “Hunatra’s done it! Come on, let’s give her a hand.”

Hordak: “Stop them!”

(Robots charge forward, while one holds all three swords. She-Ra kicks a pillar with a “Heeeyah!” which barrels into the oncoming troopers.)

Glimmer: “Excuuuse me, but that belongs to a friend of mine.”

(Glimmer grabs the sword from the robot)

Glimmer: “She-Ra, catch!”

(She-Ra catches her sword)

She-Ra: “Thanks.”

Huntara: “These chains.”

(She-Ra slashes her sword down, breaking the handcuff chain. She takes the cuffs off.)

Huntara: “Just let me get my swords.”

(Hunatra flips and rushes at the frightened robot. The robot flees and Huntara catches her swords)

Hordak: “Get her, you fools!”

Catra: “I’ll get you, Huntara!”

Scorpia: “She’s mine!”

(Huntara jumps out of the way, causing the two villains to crash into each other)

Hordak: “I’ll show you got to stop them!”

(He presses an orange square button, opening a door to reveal more troopers)

Huntara: “It seems like a good time to depart this foul fortress.”

She-Ra: “I couldn’t agree more.”

(The group flees and escapes)

 (Huntara stands in her ship)

She-Ra: “You sure you won’t stay? The Rebellion could use a fighter like you.”

Huntara: “I cannot, She-Ra. I am needed on my own planet. But, I wish you well. Farewell, She-Ra. When we meet again, it will be as friends.”

(Huntara pulls black mask over her face)

She-Ra: “I’ll look forward to it.”

(Both women wave to each other. The covering closes on the ship)

She-Ra: “She’s quite a woman, isn’t she, Swifty?”

SwiftWind: “That she is.” (nuzzles She-Ra.) “But then again, so are you, She-Ra. So are you.”

(Huntara flies away on her spaceship)

(2019)

She Ra is seen shaking Huntara’s hand, which she is not pleased. They are later seen fighting with swords in the desert at night. Huntara is shown holding She-Ra’s sword in her hand. Huntara appears as a de facto leader of the Crimson Waste who reluctantly helps Adora, Bow, and Glimmer on a quest.

[theriversarebroken]

Fun Facts about my OCs

Tattoos (I’ve already done this but there have been some changes)

Rei: 

has a snake tattoo that she got when she was younger and was preeetty drunk. It covers most of her abdomen, part of it wrapping around her belly button. She was able to lay there and deal with it, trying to chat with the artist mostly.

She has a tattoo on the back of her neck, one that matches with her sister, reading “To the moon”. She nearly broke her sister’s fingers from how tightly she was holding her hand.

The worst tattoo she got was the one on her clavicle, it being a bird skull with a golden beak, with soft pink flowers surrounding it. It doesn’t mean anything, she just thought the entire design was cool and wanted it.

Her favorite tattoos are the mustaches on the sides of her right hand’s fingers. She’ll hold them up to break tension.

And the most recent tattoo was the one on her wrist, the year that her parents died and the year she was adopted. She won’t really talk to you about it, but she’ll tell you what it’s for.

Nami:

Nami has a sleeve on her left arm that consists of a pocket watch, a large owl on her shoulder, roses, and a pinup on the back of her forearm. Similar to Rei’s clavicle tattoo, it doesn’t mean much other than it’s all aesthetically pleasing to her.

There’s also the matching tattoo on the back of her neck, which she got with Rei. It reads “To the moon”.

She has a tattoo under her boob of a whiskey bottle.

There’s a tattoo behind her left ear, linework of a triangle

Nami has a tattoo on the side of her head (only seen when cleanly shaved) which is just a small middle finger. 

Juno:

On Juno’s shoulder blade, she has geometric tattoos, all elegantly linking to one another.

On the inside of her bottom lip she has a pretty lewd statement saying “Sit here”. It’s clear she got it a long time ago since its heavily faded, or she hasn’t gotten it touched up in like a year.

On her butt, she has a peach. Cute :)

Finally tattoo over her ribs of what looks like two skeletons holding each other and scrawled next to them is “I can be here for you sometimes.”

Mythri:

On her right hand, up to her elbow, she got henna designs tattooed onto her, all made by her and given to her artist.

On her left fingers, she has dangling jewels and lace.

James:

His first tattoo is fairly simple. Over his heart, he has Koko’s name tattooed.

His second, and final, tattoo is on his bicep reading: “Sweet wine, thicker blood.” A tribute to the saying he and his sister would say to each other.

Liz:

On Liz’s clavicle is the German word “ erreichen”, which means “to reach”.

A large tattoo on her thigh, consisting of ox skulls and various flowers blooming behind them.

And, as a cute little tattoo, she got an erlenmeyer flask with cute eyes and mouth and hands, making a heart sign.

Helene:

She has full sleeves, on her left arm is a variation of a more cute style of tattoo. She has some pokemon, an adorable crow, a mermaid, makeup, a bee with sparkles around it, and a bowl of noodles that says “Send Noods” above it.

On her right arm is a lot more serious and intense style of art. She has an incredibly spooky looking woman with white eyes, and hair that’s floating upward, a pair of hands holding the moon, and a double headed snake.

On the back of her left calve she has a scorpion, its body filled with geometric shapes.

Sorina:

Running down her spine, Sorina got the words немає помилки (translates to there are no mistakes).

Before she had her arm willingly replaced, she had a mandala, usually tracing her finger over it, causing it to fade.

She has a robotic looking heart tattooed onto her chest, binary code going in and out of the heart.

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic

I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.

Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.

For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.

Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.

I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.

btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.

EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)

Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.

i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.

Notice the middle name? Subtle.

I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.

My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.

Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.

They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!

Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.

Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.

I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.

I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.

I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!

Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.

I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.

I mean… you just moved in with them.

My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s too ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.

That could have something to do with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!

God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.

Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.

My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.

I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.

I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!

I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.

Something like… bad writing?

The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.

It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.

Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.

So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.

As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.

I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.

This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school. 

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)

So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.

In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.

In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”

Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.

It was the hawt pale guy!

Dun dun dunnnn!

Next chapter